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inventors-fair · 2 months ago

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Second Wind: Hope Contest Runners-Up

And our runners-up this week are @bergdg, @bread-into-toast, and @piccadilly-blue!

@bergdg — Cursemute

I won't call this a strictly better Teferi's Protection, but it's not too far off, as evidenced by the second two modes. You already know that, though, and you don't need me to tell you. Modal hope is just what we need, though, and wow, that first mode is even still powerful in itself. Getting to just straight-up slam a creature out of existence is pretty valuable even at rare, and in a format where there's kinda implied to be curses, you got some crazy stuff going on. A one-turn you-can't-lose-pretty-much card is gonna be popular with the folks it's already popular with, and with that precedent, that's all that we need, right?

I had honestly forgotten if there was a Cursemute card already depicted, but I know that there were a few cards from Avacyn's Funky Fun Time set that depicted various moments. I'm in the camp that there could be a boardwipe involved. I'm also in the camp that as more of a retelling kind of card, this does the job as good as it needs to and then some. Fateful Hour, despite being...you know, Fateful Hour, has enough application that this card's won me over on the hope of that. Everyone wants to make FH work, but nobody wants to get below five life. Ain't that a kick in the head?

@bread-into-toast — Reflective Exit

I think that it's right about now in the commentary haze that I realize just how much white there was in this contest. Not that I didn't specifically ask for hopeful/optimistic cards, but wow, there was a lot. I'm glad that weird cards like this are here as well. Sometimes we get an idea that, having played with similar concepts... I'll just say that I know it seems like it works well and honestly this is probably one of the best applications of it. Knowing me, I would have one mana and my opponent would cast a precombat killspell that would leave me at lethal to swings even if I used the exit to save my own dude. BUT. That's the worst-case scenario, and we're here to talk about HOPE.

Yeah, no, this card's great to me. I love this kind of stuff, seriously, I love the gameplay of bouncing and replaying and being in your own little world for a time until you can go nuts and rush in having controlled the board. In terms of flavor, I think I honestly don't need the AD with what you've got here. I recognize the shard, I recognize the goblins as goblins, and I only needed a tiny bit of context overall because your mechanics and flavor did a perfect job of explaining what you're about. There's hope to be had in a brief exit, and even if things ends up not going one's way on the board, we have our brief respite, the knowledge that we kept at least one person safe from harm.

@piccadilly-blue — Archangel's Radiant Feather

Not gonna lie to you, cap'n—the flavor text is a little bit goofy to me. That's really the only thing that's goofin' it, though, because this card's so on-point with what it wants to do that I'd like to commend it. The strict mana cost implies that you want to be deep in the color, and also the ability to recast your angels needs a target—so guess what you're playing if you open this card? That's right, you're in the mono-white pile of core-set wannabes. Gaining life is excellent and that alone would make people consider it, I feel. The wording as it is instantly makes me remember Chandra, Torch of Defiance, and I'm super down for that strictness. Gotta have the restrictions.

Maybe it's that heavy-handedness that gives me the "yeah, I get it" when it comes to the actual hope part of this card. I honestly thought that it was talking about Radiant, the character, or whatever her name was—that Boros one, yeah? But no, it's about angels in general, and I do wish there had been either a bit more specificity or a bit more subtlety there. Maybe more subtlety than anything. The blessing and the ability to rekindle an angel is certainly a sign of hope, so that all checks out with the mechanics, and I would absolutely play with this card. Heh, the Clue typing... I like how, in order to "solve" your clue, there has to be an Angel to bring back. No blessings without someone to bestow them, I suppose.

While you're reading this, I'm at a wedding. A nerd wedding! Commentary will be up later tonight once I get my act together. @abelzumi

#mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #inventor's fair #commentary #runners up #hope contest

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generalluxun · 1 year ago

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You know what’s extremely ironic about Astruc's comments about Miraculous Ladybug being for kids?

Let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time; a man was working on a project for which he was very passionate about, a project that involved a skill that had been perfected for many years by him, his team and many other teams of artists. But he was met with many problems.

This project had cost him a lot of money and unless it was a succes with the people, the man would lose everything he had worked for, as he had feared it would happen eventually if he didn't try to make his idea a reality.

Nobody really expected him to succeed and thought he was just drawing his end ever nearer. A "folly" is what they called it.

Eventually he ran out of money and the only way to get the money needed to even complete his folly was by asking a loan from the bank. Easier said than done, because as nobody believed in him, they would not expect him to pay the loan back.

Undeterred; and despite the fact that if he failed to be a success he would lose his home, he decided to bring some of the paintings, drawings and concepts his team had created, to show the bank's board of directors what they were hoping to do.

One of the directors proclaimed that in the future no one would remember the name of anyone in the room except for the name of the man who indeed got his loan and then completed his project.

The man was Walt Disney, and what he showed was a half-finished Snow White.

That's right, Walt Disney had to charm a group of adults with his first movie before he could charm anyone else with it. And if he hadn't succeeded, then animated movies would have probably not become a thing while animation itself faded into obscurity.

And that's not the end of it either, it's established in the movie that Snow White will be saved in the end like anyone who had heard the fairy tale knew already. And despite that, you know what the people at the premiere of Snow White did back in 1937?

They cried their hearts out during the funeral.

Fully grown adults who had heard of Walt's Folly as it was called and were skeptical of watching such a long "cartoon" were moved to the same tears as the seven dwarfs.

Say what you will about the man himself, but you gotta give Walt Disney this: he knew that if adults weren't moved by his work then entertaining kids would be the least of his worries.

I've head this tale before, and I get your point.

I think the 'It's for Kids' runs deeper than this for ML though, specifically. It's used disingenuously to shop for praise *and* deflect critique.

It's Schrodinger's show. If it gets criticized for bad messaging through oversimplification then 'It's a kids show! what do you expect!'

If it feels it's doing well then 'Look at what they're doing in a kids show!'

We've been told by the creator that kids 'get it' in places where adults have concerns. Conversely we've been told 'Kids won't understand' in other places.

Now, you can make a silly shallow kids show and *that's fine* we have silly shallow adult shows. Kids shouldn't be left out.

You can also make a kids show that punches above it's age range, pushing kids to think and learn. *I personally love these shows* they were doing (modified)Shakespeare on Sesame Street when I was growing up. Disney's Gargoyles is RIFE with all sorts of literary references.

What you can't do is swerve between lanes as suits your desires at any given moment. As a creator you need to establish a framework by which your media can be approached. As the creator you have a very wide latitude in how to build that framework, but it does need to remain consistent.

I should clarify- This doesn't mean the more serious kids shows can't be silly and funny, nor that the shallow shows can't dip their toes into more complex topics, but *how these things are approached* needs to remain consistant.

Example: Dearest Family: We're throwing in an addiction reference, that's pretty intense. We're going to give it to our magical fairy stand-in so it is one step removed, and we're mixing in the serious and laughs along the way. It's not until the end where it falls down. the addiction is solved with.... a pep talk. ML loves pep talks, it's 80's cartoon style to the core. Pep talks work for a *lot* of problems. Just stopping to think matters.

Pep talks don't work for addiction. However, you can imagine they don't want to keep this as a running theme with relapses and struggles. It's a one-off lesson. So what you need to do is make it clear that the one-off solution is *also* magical in nature. Have Plagg cataclysm one of those Galette's making it nasty and gross, so Tikki eats it and YUCK! now she doesn't want Galette ever again. Boom, you've 'solved' it through magic so the one-episode-solution for a complex problem flows more cleanly.

I think the inability to learn/accept critique is the biggest problem in the writing room. There are good things in ML, and *every* show makes mistakes of some kind or another. Someone in the writing room just seems completely unwilling to engage in reflection, or if they do they simply will not admit it.

It's weird.

I'm not someone who 'hates the show' I want it to succeed and prosper, and I want it to have good messaging. S5 Miraculous was paralleling Chloé's descent. you are just watching bad choice after bad choice, hoping there will be a course correction.

At least we still have the movie, and maybe S6 will be a new direction. S5 did feel like a glut of 'We need to finish tis before the end of this season' developments.

#miraculous ladybug #ask #ml writing #writing critique

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shapa-likes-art · 2 years ago

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aha! i have returned! with more supervillain au asks! >:D

What if they started dating before Virgil found out Roman was the Phantom? It'd probably be a lot angstier I'd assume lol

What was their first date like? I'd take Roman for the classy guy to take them out to some expensive fancy restaurant, but then something more private and romantic after, but could you confirm lol?

do they have arguments often? (i probably know the answer to this already but asking anyway lol) if so, how do they get resolved/how do they fix them?

i don't really have anymore official questions tbh but if there's anything/any tidbits or mini fun facts you'd like to add/rant about use this as an opportunity to do so!! id love to hear anything :D

Hello :3.

1. I feel like Skye (@thunderholtz ) and I have talked about it before but I can't remember clearly haha

I feel like they'd feel kind of betrayed but I can't recall much about how exactly it would go I feel like skye would be better equipped to answer.

Roman would probably be very calm and resign himself to accepting that Virgil might leave him and they they'd be hurt and angry and so he's prepared many methods on keeping Virgil with him or having them keep secrecy.

2. Their first date wasn't all that classy imo

Roman knew that Virgil would probably prefer a more chill and casual date than to a big and extravagant one. He might reserve a table at One of Virgil's favorite restaurants and after they take a small walk and then they go over to Roman's to cuddle and talk while they watch a show. Very sweet and chill.

You're not too far off! :D.

3. They do not <3

They might bicker sometimes and challenge each other with stupid and silly stuff but they almost never get into huge arguments.

Both of them are very logical so whenever they start to have a beginning of an argument they pause and go into separate rooms to calm down before meeting back up in the living room and calmly and carefully discuss and talk it out.

They get resolved so quick and without much frustration you can barely call it an argument. They just end up cuddling and exchanging affection.

They might have play-arguments however because they don't have any often. Its mostly them being silly and overdramatic bddjdbfb

Skye and I joked that they once had a "breakup" where they did one of their play arguments that ended with "GAAASSP how dare you, we're over >:0!!" and both know it's all a joke.

One of them acts offended and leaves and they pretend that they're spending time away from each other before they get bored and call the other back and they reunite with a playful kiss and monologue and they continue their lives like normal hahaha

4. Skye and I have many aus of this au it's insane

Right now we're talking about an AU where Roman's royalty and Virgil was hired to be his assistant. Because of circumstances, they start fake dating and because of Dominic and Analyn they get engaged.

We like to do silly things and concepts with this au. In every au of this au, Roman's still phantom and still some sort of heir and Virgil's still Nonbinary and still some sort of Journalist.

We also had an au where they met in high school in a boarding school and they were kind of Rivals <3.

You're free to ask about the aus of this au hahaha

#Supervillain au #Supervillain!Roman #Journalist!Virgil #romantic prinxiety #Prinxiety #sanders sides #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #thomas sanders #Ask #Iiemrys

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mechanical-creature · 5 months ago

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Putting a headphone jack in a Fairphone 4

TLDR with this procedure you sacrifice the lower loudspeaker, but the upper one will still behave as normal. Calls and other audio seem to work just fine. There is some interference from internals that gets picked up by amplified speakers, I'm sure there's a way to filter it, this is mainly a proof of concept. This is not really a guide and I do not guarantee anything at all.

I really liked my Fairphone 4 except that it didn't have a 3.5mm jack like normal phones used to have. And my car has never heard of Bluetooth. So I started joking about drilling a hole in it.

I found this green TRS jack on a USB DAC and found it would fit inside. I took this photo with a DSi camera. Originally I thought I might be able to fit both the jack and the speaker, and I had this elaborate plan to make a cut in the mainboard and move the vibrating motor elsewhere,

but decided against it because I had no idea what losing that one contact would do. I did a test and found no major issues with removing the bottom loudspeaker. If I needed the phone to be loud, I'd hook something else up anyway. I bought a second loudspeaker and horrendously dissected it.

I used a knife. If you do this you should absolutely use a dremel tool and not a knife. Unless you don't have a dremel tool

The plan is, remove the speaker part. You do not have to completely de-laminate the two layers of plastic. Just this section of the bottom layer. The top layer has pretty colors and conductive tape and contacts for mysterious purposes. Maybe antenna.

Next, you must drill the hole. We're not quite sure what the case is made of, but it probably involves aluminum. I had a drill press and clamps, but I went to my friend's house. He doesn't have clamps or many drill bits, but he knows metal. The jack barrel was like 5.1mm in outer diameter, and after lamenting that all our bits were in imperial, we settled on a 7/32". We removed all components from the chassis including mainboard and screen before drilling.

Here, we went for a hole that was centered on the middle hole of the speaker grill. However, if you do this, you will need to also remove some more metal, because the jack will need to be kind of submerged in the floor. We also had to sand down one side of the jack paper thin to make it sit flat against the back of the screen module. In hindsight, I should have marked where the jack wanted to sit before drilling. This would have us drill at the edge of the case, but it would be closed off by the phone's back cover anyway so it wouldn't matter. Just plan out your hole instead of eyeballing it.

Unfortunately, we did not get any pictures of the fit after we were done. Probably for the best, so no one has to see the metal carnage.

Once it was in place, it was time to wire it. The speaker module presses a flat flex cable up against these two contacts on the board.

I originally managed to solder to the flat cable, but then made a mistake and tore the pads, so I ended up soldering directly to those spring pins on the mainboard. I used magnet wire for everything. I just connected both the L and R pins of the jack to this one speaker output because I didn't feel like probing out the top speaker connector and running wire up there just yet. Ideally I would have a switched jack that interrupts the top speaker, but that's for later. I might salvage something from an Apple device, their jacks tend to be compact.

Hot glued the thing in place, and this is the end result. It works just great with passive headphones. I'll upload a demo video when I get the chance, I've already used my 1 video. I wish I had taken better pictures, but it wasn't very convenient.

The caveats in the beginning apply. It's also way too loud because it's meant to drive a speaker, and it's balanced for that too. I might be able to put a resistor divider on there to reduce the output volume and let a louder signal drown out the interference a bit better?

I have no idea if this is a thing people do, putting audio jacks in their phones. But I would think that replacing the speaker like this would work on a lot of different phones. Maybe worth trying?

#creatura posts #fairphone #fairphone 4 #headphone jack #fp4 audio jack project

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utilitycaster · 2 years ago

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Honeslty Travis and Laura are probably in the same category as Taliesin, all their characters are so solid that there isn't much to compare against. But if Sam settling into FCG after 30+ episodes puts them above Scanlan than Vax's Raven Queen character shift should put him above Orym. Also Beau is by far Marisha's strongest character, not that Keyleth was bad, Beau was just that good.

(As of 8:14 AM EDT today, April 15th: not answering new questions for this meme that come in but answering the ones already in my inbox)

So first off this meme isn't about arguing with me, it's about my opinions, and you are invited to make your own post if you still disagree but once I've said agree/disagree that's kind of it unless I invite more discussion. That said - disagree:

The question was not "who is the strongest overall" or "who has the best plot" or even "who do I like the most"; it was "who is the most solid and fully actualized" which I am interpreting as "who has the most considered and thought-out character concept from the beginning"; as the original question notes, Taliesin always has a very strong idea of who his characters are. Like, again: I do not like Molly. At all. I also think he is a well-crafted character whose personality fucking sucks on purpose.

My issue with FCG was that he actually had a well considered concept that was imo more detailed than Scanlan's and with a clearer path forward; my problem is just that it took 30 episodes to get to it. The concept was fine; the execution was too slow for me to get on board for half the current story.

Meanwhile, Vax is really just A Guy and beyond broad strokes for his backstory doesn't have any direction to the point that his directionlessness is itself the path Liam began to explore when the Conclave attacked! I think Vax's late game plot is fantastic, and I think it's very possible I will like Vax's story more than Orym's, but Vax as a character from the start was not as thought out as Orym was and what FCG was doing is completely irrelevant to this.

Also: Keyleth is, when we're talking about actualized, by far Marisha's strongest character. I think in the end I probably like Beau slightly more than Keyleth? I certainly would rather hang out with her though that probably says more about me than either of them. But of Marisha's characters, Keyleth is unique in that I can actually tell you what she was doing before the campaign; what she initially wished to achieve; and what she ultimately did achieve. I know the people in her backstory and how she feels about them. I don't have that to the same extent for the others. The reason Keyleth has the most plot focus of Marisha's characters is, frankly, that she has a well-conceived plot going in. Beau is a lot looser in concept, and finds herself along the way and it works because the Cobalt Soul is a sufficient hook, but in many ways Beau's story post-Campaign is the more interesting one. (Which, I'd argue, the cast even agrees with given their discussion of Liam and Marisha's C1 and C2 characters showing up in C3 and Marisha stating that Keyleth's story feels far more closed than Beau's.)

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #unpopular opinions ask meme

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snaggletoothedbastard · 11 months ago

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I'm posting about autism again.

Because I've seen a couple of posts making the rounds that I've had some Feelings about but I only just managed to put them into words.

The posts are something along the lines of "neurodivergent people are making jokes about neurotypical people and Clearly this means neurodivergent people think neurotypicals aren't real". Or, to shorten it slightly: "neurodivergent people are oppressing neurotypicals by making jokes about them".

I have made a post already in which I semi-comedically argue against this idea, but I thought I might as well write an essay about it too just to make sure I'm being completely clear.

For a little bit of context, here are the kinds of jokes neurodivergent people make about neurotypicals (taken from pins in my autism board on Pinterest) (just to clarify, neurodivergence is not limited to autism and covers a whole bunch of different disabilities; the reason these jokes are mostly about autism is because I got them from my autism board. I'm sure people with other disabilities have made similar jokes.)

Obviously there are other examples but these are my favourites. Especially the last one, it's hilarious.

Why do we make these jokes?

Because they're funny

To parody the kind of mocking we get from neurotypicals by turning it back on them and showing how silly it is

To let off steam after a frustrating social interaction

Probably more reasons because I don't speak for everyone

Very rarely do I see a neurodivergent person make a joke that is specifically meant to hurt, harass or alienate a neurotypical person. However, those are all common reasons that neurotypicals make jokes about us.

You can apply the same logic to basically any marginalised group. For example, we see a lot of queer people make jokes about straight people, right? Always silly sarcastic things like "straight people have no fashion sense". Why is this a common joke? Because it's a very common stereotype that queer people, especially gay men, are fashionable and wear pretty clothes. Also, we get a fair bit of confusion from straight people about popular gay fashion. So making this joke is both a response to the confusion, and often judgement or piss-taking, and a reclamation of a stereotype that has been used in a derogatory way.

It's a very similar concept with neurodivergence. Many symptoms of disabilities, for example, autistic special interests, have been commonly seen as something bad that needs to be changed, and have only recently been reclaimed by the neurodivergent community as a good thing that brings joy. Special interests are still made fun of by people who don't understand them. We get called obsessive, annoying and childish. So if we make a joke like "I guess neurotypicals don't have interests" in response to this, it is not to make all neurotypicals feel bad, or to separate them from us, but to point out and laugh at the ridiculousness of telling us off for something that 1. we have very little control over, and 2. is not even a bad thing.

I don't know if neurotypicals are under the impression that neurodivergent people can't be sarcastic, but if that's the case it would explain rather a lot, because they seem to always take everything we say really seriously. Whereas if they say something about us that is actually hurtful and damaging, and we call them out on it, we have to listen to them call us overdramatic snowflakes and tell them that yes, we can in fact take a joke. The difference is that what they're saying is rarely actually a joke. Because they believe it. For hundreds of years, they've learned and been taught to believe that we're some kind of alien species, that we don't even count as human beings, that we either have no feelings at all or we express our feelings too much, that we need to change everything about ourselves to live up to their standards, and that we should never have existed at all. And when we retaliate, they tell us we're hurting their feelings. They say, "you know neurotypicals are still people, right?" and it's exactly the same thing that straight people do to queer people, that cis people do to trans* people, that white people do to POC, that men do to women, that any privileged group does to any marginalised group as soon as they show the slightest bit of resistance. All of a sudden you're the victims and we have to be reminded that you're People and you have Feelings and you can't take even a little bit of criticism because if you do you'll spontaneously combust. You're the ones who have been dehumanising us for as long as you've known about our existence, but sure. We could stand to be taken down a peg or two, right?

I'm reminded of James Acaster's stand-up routine in which he took the piss out of other comedians like Ricky Gervais for making transphobic jokes.

"I'm An EdGy CoMeDiAn, It'S mY jOb To ChAlLeNgE pEoPlE! Yeah because you know who's long overdue a challenge? The trans community."

I'm just going to leave that here. Feels like its fits.

#autism #the tism #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #long post #james acaster #just a little bit of james acaster #neurotypicals whining about how we're “excluding them” or some shit #as if they haven't done the exact same thing to us #doesn't feel good does it guys?#try being mercilessly bullied by a gang of teenagers #or sent to therapy that's meant to threaten you into behaving in a socially acceptable way #i think y'all can survive a little bit of piss-taking

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diamondeyes-deluxe · 1 year ago

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Sometimes I think about this old friend I used to have. I think he was 6 years older than me? And in hindsight this friendship was like a buffet of red flags but nothing really came out of it?

Cw for talk of grooming and mentions of drawn csam

I literally met this guy on 4chan, so... Yeah. First red flag. I was 14 and really into mlp and i drew fanart for it, and he wanted to put together like a fan art collection for a specific niche on the board. We exchanged contact info on it (I know) and just started talking and being friends. So I'm pretty sure he was 20 at this time.

We'd talk about sex pretty frequently? Like not in regards to doing it with each other at all just, sharing turn ons and offs and casually sending each other nsfw things. I was always really open about that kind of stuff even from a young age and they're like the same kind of convos I had with people of my own age too at the time that don't seem unhealthy to me in hindsight. Lots of just raunchy humor too. But I have to wonder if the age gap between us put those conversations in a different context for him.

I even specifically remember him sending me an nsfw drawing one time of a character from a 90s kids cartoon. And I was like "woah isn't that character only like 9 or 10?" And he was like "yeah but it's fine cuz it's a cartoon" and I, at like 15, didn't really know much about this topic and didn't want to argue and possibly push away someone who had become a close friend to me but it felt icky so I was like "hmmm I just don't like that so please don't send me nsfw art of children characters" and he backed off. Years later I realized this is a tactic used by groomers to normalize the concept of underage ppl having sex. But like I had already been sexually active with ppl my own age at this point and just was not attracted to him? So the only thing I felt was "ew please don't do that again."

He'd commission art from me a lot. I wasn't very great at art but he'd consistently commission me, mostly nsfw. I had no problem with that but again in hindsight I wonder if there was an extra layer of enjoyment for him knowing that a 14/15/16 year old was drawing his porn. He even asked me like a few days after I turned 18 if I could draw nsfw art of him and his gf (yeah he had a gf this whole time too) and send me nude photos "for Reference" now that I was "legal". I was like sure and he sent them but I never ended up drawing them.

When I was like 17 or 18 we actually started hanging out irl after realizing he lived close to a family member who I visited every summer. (My family was so paranoid about me "meeting up with a guy you met on 4chan???!!!" And I was like girl relaaaaax it's fineeeee I've been talking to this now 24 year old for 3 years. Lmao. Sorry fam I get it now.)

Nothing ever really happened on these hangouts? He even took me to his house twice but didn't do anything. There was the same raunchy jokes and openness about sex but he didn't ever touch me or afaik try to flirt with me. EXCEPT one time he said something like "you know i always thought if me and [gfs name] weren't together that you and I would go out" n I was like "huh? No silly we're just friends and you're too old for me lol. I've never thought of you like that!" And he never brought it up again.

Anyways we didn't talk as much the next few years because I just kind of ghosted EVERYONE after high school (no object permanence and bad mental health) until eventually when I was 20 he randomly blocked me. Welp. I'm 25 now and haven't heard from him since. Anyway that's my story of how I was probably definitely being groomed but was saved by the power of autistically not realizing he was showing interest in me.

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the-firebird69 · 1 year ago

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Watch "Humvee Kit Car Body On VW Chassie" on YouTube

youtube

The son tried to get this concept going but on a new VW chassis but not new just the ones we made in the 80s 90s and early 2000 and the guy tried it a bunch of stuff and we did so many people are in the way we got nervous and he said we have to double our efforts and and figure out what it is so we did and we checked and they all think they're going to wear the crown and our son said to the guy they're all going to wear the crown but they're not wearing one and you know Trump ends up wearing it after he loses practically everything and it's horrible so it has to be the guy down there and I figured it out and we figured it out he's obstructing everything and he wants like a parallel and he can't figure out what he wants as a parallel and he says the Z28 pretty nice and is it because you're a Jersey boy it says yes well she's been can get it going and you can ostracize him for being not pretty and it doesn't really care about it says he does and he says he has a certain skill set since I don't want him on board I said that crap cuz you're making fun of what he looks like though it looks like a demon kind of so you don't want to and I'm thinking about it Z28 will be limited production kit car and a speed package would be additional and I get that so that was Tommy F the last two sentences and he has a little parallel and he says he does for the Humvee too and it's really a Hummer and the Z28 on a regular Camaro 450 horsepower the one we would design goes about 320 mph so he says sold and his guys can handle it. So we're going to try and do that and we have people who want to try and make the factories work and the Hummer he wants to also try and get going. I'm going to try and get these going there's quite a pairing and he looked at magazine it had a Humvee kit and it was really a military surplus Bob pointed out and it's not really legal to say it the way he was it sounds like the factory and he got in trouble my son said it it's really military surplus how many got a hold of him said where'd you get these I said it was sitting around in the Midwest for like a year they got arrested and he hasn't been seen since.. I'm going to try and put these cars into production it'll be a kit car. And they'll sell a lot of cars and if they do we'll probably try it on the Corvette and sell the new Corvette which looks like this year was even cooler and our son helped to change it and they say that's awesome and they want to do that and even more luck would not complain or Tommy f and we have ideas for foreign vehicles too it's all along the same lines so we're going to get going on it I'm tired of talking about it I'm going to make it work

Thor Freya

I'm going to headed up and split it up and we're going to get it going and Duke Nukem Blockbuster wants to Hummer and he agrees and she does and they're fighting good and they said they're young they'll come out in the wash and we don't say that that way. And she has a new father that's terrific you idiots she has father's already who are related so I don't want to start that crap either and it's a fight he said the last part I'm going to go ahead and do beat up before it stops so we got the Corvette the Camaro the Hummer and I'm going to try some sedans the he says the whole Mercedes line so far to request and you know a nice one is Audi they make some really nice cars in a sports sports car too they're going to look at all that but I'm going to put in my first pics we need to pick up truck and the 24th of different and we can make it a kit and what you say is like Eddie Bauer or Harley-Davidson and Bob March wants to Harley-Davidson you can have like thousands of these but they like Harley-Davidsons we have a different version it's not really selling so this might get that going and it might be some plants built out and around so we're going to go ahead and do this

Frank Castle Hardcastle

I don't want to talk to you Mike too I don't get a penny for anything when you guys trying and you have me in a job making less than a teacher it's disgustingly bad and Mac is like screwing around with my money and holding on to it sort of it's ridiculous I have a ton of money you can go off and cost somewhere else cough somewhere else and say you're doing something I don't know what it is you guys do

Zues Hera

Well we make weaponry a small percentage of it you're not doing very well and we don't want to make any deals and stuff this is don't make any deals go away you're like a retard I do understand that and we're obstructionist what we want to do something so why don't you fix your sugar in your chocolate you have a chocolate factory you're making chocolate just add salt to your stupid sugar I might try that cuz this blows

Mike tew

It's good advice but it tracks clones but we need intel and for Christ sake nobody does their job and my cadre are a bunch of wimps came over whimpering I don't want you to do anything I don't want to do anything and he's not doing anything cuz of us we just sits here like a poor person because of us I've had it with this s*** cuz you kids too and your stupid f****** attitude go ahead and try the salt thing when you're such a p**** you're probably back out the first day dump a whole bunch of bleach in and ruin your business I can't stand you

Mac

#Youtube

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baekhvuns · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! No London for me bestie, I'm not going back to the UK, I'll be in Prague actually 😂 then maybe Italy if I have enough money and energy

SM artists truly need to unonise, because Taeyeon now?! SM can't respect their older idols aka those who have been brining money to their table for years, I don't even know what's the newest groups' situation like. AND A NEW GG soon?!?!? Also where are Shotaro and Sungchan, where is their group at..... I'm so tired

CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED SHINEE'S CONCERTS I HATE EVERYTHING. At least I watched the livestream 😭 and everyone was there, Jongin </333 Okay, love my 5th gen rookie Shinee <333 Hard is very "current bgs sound" it does sound like Nctee a little bit, but the vocals!!! Sounds like a banger tbh, it's not too weird so I can digest it quickly lmao. I like when Shinee is having fun, even though it may not be my fave TT from them, I feel like I may like it more than DCM. The MV was very NCT, perhaps not my fave, SM is a hit or miss with their music videos. Anyways, it's very 1st gen, got some Seo Taji and the Boys vibes. BUT THE BSIDEEEEEES!

It's frustrating because KQ can put so much thought and creativity into the lore, the MVs got so much better too, but the photos? And why do they only post one for each concept, Hybe drops 2737272 photos and they're usually really cool.

Shinee's concepts may be simple, but the Thom Browne ones are very aesthetically pleasing and the NCT-esque ones are fun too, because the pics are dynamic despite the boring background. Love all the boards you've prepared! I actually bought some more SM albums, particularly NCT's and Aespa's (I know, fuck SM, but I got a good deal) and the photos?! WOW. The issue is KQ is scared of taking risks, they can't commit fully, even the outfits for this comeback, we thought we'd be getting Yeehawteez, but it's so half-assed and we're back to fucking bikers and bodyguards, lol. And I'll never understand why they had funky hair colours for Halazia and not this. And now Jongho is purple??? A bit late, mate. I genuinely think the hair could add more quirkiness to the concept photos

(I appreciate the idea of combining regular photos with manhwa concept, but not sure about the execution https://twitter.com/zhouang/status/1671524592387596288?t=OtcpMguvP4yo722xCzVnWg&s=19)

I know we're in the cyber post-apo world and they probably won't be back to the sea y'know, like pirates, but if we ever actually get the sea concept. A.C.E are truly the standard https://twitter.com/sehyoonshoney/status/1661359705506164741?t=B4l7FsVLKDdePdTlMwOTlQ&s=19

Seriously??? The man is trying and yet https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1672083626736095233?t=7QYMQFWYXUf3LPgcWGdZTw&s=19

Yes, Outlaw just like Movement is very cohesive, but I feel like that kind of cohesiveness is overrated and a bit too much. The songs blend in, I don't know where one ends and another one begins, and they're STACKED with noise and switch ups, so listening to the whole thing from the beginning to the end is a lot. ZFP1 is a cohesive album, it fits the late summer vibe, yet each song is very different. I'd say ZFP3 is similar. I just wish they let Jongho's voice rest, the amount of high notes *sigh* I think it's Wake Up? He straight up yells, and listen I'm an opera lover, but this isn't it ://// Edenary is pissing me off a bit, ngl...

Sorry, everyone's meeting Yuta except you 😭 the same friend of mine met Taeyong twice, once he walked past her on the way to Loewe's show (and girl lost her earring), then gave her his autographs after the show.... 😭 and hold on?! https://twitter.com/mintmag_th/status/1672549191372124170?t=YYeGI5dSL65PF-FbjGREnQ&s=19

Ok but 127's line up I just.... gonna say something possibly controversial, but I don't think it's that unpopular: Haechan should be in Dream only and Mark in 127, they're already overworked. I love TY and I know why he's the center, but putting my bias aside I feel like sometimes his time could be given to someone else, same with lines. Or maybe if they had a proper 3rd rapper, not Jamal, he needs to sing! And not Johnny - bless him, but he's not a rapper, sometimes they make Yuta rap and I can't even... Wait, did you hear this cover Yuta did? https://www.instagram.com/p/Csi1KVEo5_3/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I really like the original and I can't believe he did that 😭 my jrock loving ass was shook

Troye?! https://twitter.com/5ugaring/status/1672121681866014721?t=ZJtmpVafz1VTQsiqupEsdQ&s=19 why are you everywhere jgdhahajshdhahshshs he got Taeyong too 🥴

Uncle Hwaaaa! Oh to be a little kid and paint Hwa's toenails and run around carelessly ajhdhshdhahshsjshsshhaag and what's with all that kids content? Rip to y'alls ovaries or something 🤭 it's just like that one kindergarten teacher Seonghwa fic I once read

HAVE YOU SEEN A MAN SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE I'M SO DAMAGED YET HEALED BECAUSE OF THESE PICTURES LIKE?!?!?! https://twitter.com/pseonghwapics/status/1671800295607730176?t=WK-G9vQ55AbTm_2jkdGUCg&s=19 AND https://twitter.com/nobodylikehwa/status/1671662936652120067?t=rS8KzmH1gZC9GlxamGwjCA&s=19

BITCH THESE PHOTOS I- https://twitter.com/aurorahopee/status/1672552412383531008?t=BUwMKD8sfT3Xcp7IZ9YUfA&s=19

The Titan situation is sad, but at the same time, why do people do that? It didn't sound safe from the beginning, like leave the Titanic alone...and now they shared the same fate, the 19 year old shouldn't have been there... :/ ofc it's an awful thing, if they were even alive up to this point, imagine waiting for your death. But also MONEY TRULY MAKES PEOPLE GO FUCKING DERANGED WTF

Heeeeeey, See You in My 19th Life drama!? I totally missed it. Also started Bloodhounds, it's so sad, but wholesome too and WDH is so good, I missed him

Do the quiz Baek, I got Ricciardo lmao: https://uquiz.com/quiz/V6eoyv?p=983346

????? Wow https://www.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/14imekp/former_miss_a_member_jiaformer_fx_member_amber/

And yet another Min Hee Jin controversy, I hate her so much. But I hate the defendes even more - DV 💖

hello!!!!

Hello! No London for me bestie, I'm not going back to the UK, I'll be in Prague actually 😂 then maybe Italy if I have enough money and energy //// SM artists truly need to unonise, because Taeyeon now?! SM can't respect their older idols aka those who have been brining money to their table for years, I don't even know what's the newest groups' situation like. AND A NEW GG soon?!?!? Also where are Shotaro and Sungchan, where is their group at..... I'm so tired

hello!! u escaping london three times i know why, u don’t wanna see the treble winners celebrations i get it 🤚🏻 OOOOO IN PRAGUE??? ITALY???? PLS FBQKDBWK LIVING THE ACTUAL LIFE !!!!! live ur old money in italy, wine and cheese and fruits (im sorry but what is that combo??) no bc taeyeon and everyone need to unionize??? fifty fifty also suing their company + IU fans sending trucks to her company??? is this truck season 😭😭 sm truly never lets their groups hit their peak and keep hitting it and make them bigger and brighter and better??? A NEW GG W SO MANY MEMBERS??? a girls generation dupe?? 😭😭 im so glad i bought nct’s resonance album bc they had everyone in it like sungchan was like jaejoong’s 4th generation,,, sm couldn’t have two jaejoong’s in one group they had to get him out 😭😭😭

NAURURUEUEUO I SAW THE CLIPS AND EVERYONE AND THEIR MAMA WAS AT THE SHOW??? minho is such a dilf. JONGIN IS LIVING HIS LIFE LIKE AFTER HIS 9-5 IS DONE HE IS OUT AND LIVING and pissing armies off fhkwhdkwdk 😭😭😭AND KAI??? like i bet he’s at his 9 to 5 not knowing he gagged everyone,,, my 4th gen kings.. god and the tittle track is a mix of love shot and kokobop, how will they do the sexy without the original sexy.

HARD IS ACTUALLY SO SEO TAJI AND BOYS THEME UR SO SO RIGHT I DID A LIVE REVIEW AND I LOVED IT SO MUCH,, me listening to this all like

— they didn’t sing that much till 1:56?? when the beat went to taemin it made me realize that i didn’t hear them sing enough

— THE BEAT KIND LIKE BIG POPPA’S BEAT THE WEST SIDE SIRENY WHEN IT THEY SAY HARD LIKE MA FLOW AND BOOM ITS THAT SIREN NOISE

— DUCKIGKW EJKQHDKWHD THIS IS HIP HOP FHWKFJWK THE ENDING AT THE “KOOOO” THIS IS HIP HOP !!! WEST SIDE !!!! THIS IS SO GOOD FUCK OFF IM SO INTO THIS IS SEO TAIJI BOYS AND THE GROUP TEDDY PARK WAS IN FUCK OFFFFFF THIS IS SO GOOD RHWKDHKW my only complaint is they sand less in the first majority half aND THAT THIS WAS A VERY SHORT SONG this gotta he put on kdrama edits immediately

also did the bsides :::

juice : FUCK IT UP I LIKE U I LIKE SO MUCH SHINEE U GOT SO MUCH JUICE 😭😭 BASS???? DEM JOINTZ X KENZIE DID THIS??? FUCK IT UPPPP !!!!!!! DEM JOINTZ ILYSM

10x : oh ayo??? so funky retro piano?? WAIT OKAY THIS GOT FLOWYY PHEWW THIS IS TRIPPY current fav,, this is so chill omg a cute funky poppy song that can be played at retail stores

satellite : HARMONIES ??? classic shinee x new sm?? this is so nostalgic like it belongs in a show like stranger things omg their voices blended together is >>>

identity : MOONSHINE FUCK IT UPPPPP THIS IS SO FUN,, NAH THIS ONE WON THIS IS IT THIS IS ITTTTTTT MOONSHINE I LOVE U SO MUCH U NEVER DISAPPOINT ME 😭😭😭OH THIS IS MY FAVOURITE OHH MY DAYSS??? ONEQWW UR VOICE FHWKDHW

the feeling ; so nostalgic 🤚🏻🤚🏻

like it : oh this is kokobop album vibes,,, OHOOOO THE ANGELIC BGM,,, YES YES YES THIS IS SO SUMMERY FHWKDJWK OH GOD THIS IS ALSO SO FX CODED OMG ROADTRIP

sweet misery : oh we slow omg,, nostalgia?? almost like atz’s fever?? MY JAW DROPPED SO HARD OH MY GOD SWEET MEMORIES LINE??? OH GOD OH MY GOD THE BEAT FHKWHDKAHDKADBKADJAKJDKA THIS IS SHINEE’S FEVER,,, OH MY GODD THIS WHEJ UR ON A ROADTRIP IN A CONVERTIBLE UR HANDS OUT THE CAR AND LEANING ON UR ARMS OHHHH MY GODDDD SHINEEEEEE DECZ & BOUTIN I LOVE U FUCK OFFF THIS IS SO GOOOD IM CRYING

insomnia : oUUUUUUU ok ok it’s like ur in those edits “ur in a bathroom while the party is outside” ou key??? oHHHHHHHHH???? BASS IS CRAZY oh my god this is trippy but fun,, so lowkey,, yes. GOD THIS IS SO GOOD THIS BEAT IS BEATING LIKE NEVER BEFORE

gravity : oh ballad?? oHo oUU THE DROP omg the blueee note wowzie yes serve a calming rainy day song,, OH OH FUCK FBQMDHWK GRAVITY GRAVITY YEAH THE VOICES 😭😭😭😭😭 SHINEE I LOVE U SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭 this is so chill but playful,, like a kdrama song where they show a montage of them falling in love omg

my current list : sweet misery, gravity, satellite, insomnia, identity and then everyone else

rIGHT??? they need a new creative director or something bc there’s soOOO much that can be done?? like give us every single penny form ur budget in that photobook,, GIVE US FILTER SOME FACIAL FEATURES need them to hire a sm creative director, i just need to see something,, ur right! hybe has great photos, sm’s 2014 era esp fs’s red tape side, wowzie like let’s get on that bar 😭😭

sEE ITS MY ONE FAVOURITE THING ABT SM,, even if the photos are simple, there’s just so much to look at. like their features, the makeup, the camera angle, the bright outfits and it POPS w the shinee one esp?? LIKE it’s so simple but they make it look so like an editorial from a street fashion magazine???

(I appreciate the idea of combining regular photos with manhwa concept, but not sure about the execution https://twitter.com/zhouang/status/1671524592387596288?t=OtcpMguvP4yo722xCzVnWg&s=19) /// I know we're in the cyber post-apo world and they probably won't be back to the sea y'know, like pirates, but if we ever actually get the sea concept. A.C.E are truly the standard https://twitter.com/sehyoonshoney/status/1661359705506164741?t=B4l7FsVLKDdePdTlMwOTlQ&s=19 /// Seriously??? The man is trying and yet https://twitter.com/hwalilac/status/1672083626736095233?t=7QYMQFWYXUf3LPgcWGdZTw&s=19

when i first saw this, it remained me of exo’s power era where they implemented comic books into their concept but differently than what atz did,, theirs suits it! the green meshes w the comic style im glad there’s no cloud bubble with some random thing written in it 😭😭 UR SO TRUE ACE’S PHOTOS FOR THAT ERA WERE SO MAGICAL IT GAVE ARIEL A RUN FOR HER MONEY?? esp w those hanboks wow???? ateez doing that but in their piratey outfit, in the water like that, w like a little glitter in the water <33 SEONGHWA REALLY IS TRYING WITH THE BARE MINIMUM LIKE GIVE HIM SO SOME METAL ROD OR SOMETHING OR A BROKEN TV HE COULD LEAN ON 😭😭

everything u said here esp “i don't know where one ends and another one begins,” !!!! THEY ARE STACKED ABSOLUTE TO SOUND THE SAME oh ur spoke so right, zfp1 was so late summer almost autumn, it’s like each song was a different weather or season transitioning into the other,, no ur right some songs he’s just yelling, i wish to hear his softer notes where he completely breaks us,, with those almost whisper like notes OHHH IM WAITING FOR THAT DAYYY SO PATIENTLY LIKE JONGHO BREAK ME!!! sometimes his notes reminds me of winters,, sometimes there’s some similarities may b just me 🤚🏻im with u on that

NO BC IM FURIOUS GET THE FUCK OUT YALL OUT HERE MEETING TAEYONF ON THE STREETS??? the most i ever met a idol was svt being 10 mins away from me and me not noticing until they posted pictures w them stripping in the ocean. LOST HER EARRING?? gonna be a delulu and say did taeyong find it and did it become her cinderella momenf,, OH WITH EMRATA??? wait now that i think about it they kinda look alike 🧍🏻‍♀️

controversial but so damn talented and cohesive,, oUUU UR KINDA SUPER RIGHT i think mark fits that 127 style so much,, he brings so much spice into it and taeil easily can take over,, haechan has such a warm tone and it’s so pretty to listen to it and it somehow fits dream better?? johnny has such a nice voice like it’s so snakey esp when he said “if u happy and u know it clap ur hands” WHEWWWWW THE VOCALS ???? jamal😭😭😭 FHWKDHWK oh yuta. oh yuta that starting nOTE JUST ELEVATED ME TO A DIFF LEVEL???? SO CREEPY BUT SO PERFECT fits his scorpio so much what a talent sm scouted

Troye?! https://twitter.com/5ugaring/status/1672121681866014721?t=ZJtmpVafz1VTQsiqupEsdQ&s=19 why are you everywhere jgdhahajshdhahshshs he got Taeyong too 🥴 /// Uncle Hwaaaa! Oh to be a little kid and paint Hwa's toenails and run around carelessly ajhdhshdhahshsjshsshhaag and what's with all that kids content? Rip to y'alls ovaries or something 🤭 it's just like that one kindergarten teacher Seonghwa fic I once read

wHY IS TROYE EVERYWHERE???? MEETING EVERYONE LIKE WHAT MAGNET IS HE???? UNCLE HWA GOT THE ROWDIEST KID IT MAKES ME LAUGH BC HIS KID GOTTA BE LIKE THAT FBWNDHWKD RIP TO OVARIES SORRY IM ON MY TIME OF MONTH NOT MY OVARIES STAY SAFE THO 😭😭😭

he’S SO FUCKING CYBERCORE ??? LIKE KQ BE DOIKG THE STYLE WRITE ONLY FOR DAYS LIKE THIS BUT NEVER AS A FULL CONCEPT HE WOULD SLAY SO HARD OMG FHANDHKW YEAH THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE NEED

HE IS SO BOBA

it really is so extremely sad esp on the 19yo who wanted to please his dad and went with him omg 😭😭😭 saw posts from ppl saying that if your death is written in the depth of the ocean, you'll rent even a submarine to reach there on time. it’s so awful knowing that they can never recover their remains bc they’re probably just nothing now,, i feel for their family especially the man’s wife who said they were having a hard time breathing just thinking about them 🤲🏻🤲🏻 i just know the father’s biggest regret was bringing his son with him,, also saw a video of a man who was supposed to be in that exact ship a week before but didn’t go bc the weather was terrible and it shows the head guy saying what was wrong, and they still went. ill link it here bc it was truly scary to watch,,, makes me think that the guy in the video who brought the wreath for the titanic, titanic took saved him in that way

and this seems very awfully familiar.

Heeeeeey, See You in My 19th Life drama!? I totally missed it. Also started Bloodhounds, it's so sad, but wholesome too and WDH is so good, I missed him /// Do the quiz Baek, I got Ricciardo lmao: https://uquiz.com/quiz/V6eoyv?p=983346

YES IT ISSS !!!! ITS ACTUALLY SO GOOD??? bloodhounds got me crying man 😭😭😭 wdh’s acting just, it’s something about his face that when he cries it PAINS me to watch,, im also vv glad he’s back! hoping he gets some big projects and picks his options wisely!!! I DID AND I FBWNFHSJ I FOT SEBASTIAN 😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO??? NOT U GETTING HIM 😭😭

????? Wow https://www.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/14imekp/former_miss_a_member_jiaformer_fx_member_amber/ /// And yet another Min Hee Jin controversy, I hate her so much. But I hate the defendes even more - DV 💖

OH THE VISUALS??? jia’s visuals are so beautiful like wow wow wow god is a woman.

im actually so appalled by the topic, like there’s absolutely no way she didn’t know what she was doing, either she’s trying to get traction or completely ruining herself….like even the god damn names??? sure they are common but when u put them against that title track and the history??? im convinced she knew what was happening, did it on purpose for the sakes of popularity and didn’t not expect the potential boycott. in the name of art you’re using a t*rrorist aesthetic?? what a new low.

😭😭😭

zayn’s joining exo??? LMFAOOOO

and jongho is so pretty??? this hair suits him so much

i got a uquiz

did we….did we manifest this

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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watermelonlovershigh · 3 years ago

Text

You Get Sick in the Back of an Uber

AN: so this was a story i have had in my drafts for like three months and just never found motivation to finish it. i decided to finish this first out of my drafts because it was one of the ones that had the most already written for it. unlike some of my others that don't have much written yet. and this was supposed to be longer but i got lazy and ended the end with no dialogue and shorted the story. but i guess that's fine because the main part of this was the uber incident and not necessary the aftercare. (i just love to always include aftercare whether its with sex or getting sick. unless its a blurb) @harryhoney-bee suggested number 1. on my voting post so thank you for requesting i finish this one shot idea that was in my drafts.

This story contains: puke, drunken person, caring husband

{ husband!harry - dad!harry - Grammys 2021 Harry - 4 kids (any age you imagine) }

word count: 1765

When you drink too much at the Grammys, you end up having to get sick in the uber ride home and Harry cares for you.

-------------------------

Back Story-

After the Grammys, Harry and I decided to go to the little after party that was being held for the Grammy attendees. We knew we couldn't stay too long because we had to get back home to our kids. They were currently with our babysitter but she couldn't stay all night. She has to go home at some point. So we made sure to watch the time.

At the afterparty, drinks were flowing. I haven't drank in a while due to the fact I had been pregnant not too long ago. This was the first night I was allowed to drink and I decided to do just that. Harry was aware of me drinking and promised to watch and take care of me. Though we were at this afterparty for him, he wanted me to let loose and have some fun as well.

But what he wasn't expecting was for me to drink the amount I did. I didn't mean to go over board. It just kind of happened. People handing out drinks left and right and next thing I knew, I was drunk. Not tipsy, drunk. When Harry noticed how drunk I was, he decided it's best to go home.

And because Harry also had drank some alcohol, he wasn't in a state to drive either. By no means was he as drunk as me though. Maybe just tipsy but he didn't want to risk it. So he decided to call an uber for us.

--------------------

Current-

We're sitting in the back of the uber on our way home. It's about an hour drive since the city is crowded with traffic due to the Grammys. Right about now is when I regret drinking any alcohol tonight. Because I haven't drank in over a year, my body isn't use to the poison running through my veins. So you could say I'm a lightweight now. My head is throbbing. My vision is blurry. My stomach is turning. Lets just say I regret all my decisions tonight that lead to me feeling this way.

"Harrrrry I don't feel good." I manage to slur out.

"You probably should have stuck to champagne instead of vodka my love." Harry responds, while stroking my hair out of my face in a gentle manner.

Another 10 minutes pass and I'm feeling very nauseous. I'm trying to focus on my breathing but it's not working.

"Harry my stomach hurts." I whisper with hooded eyes.

"Like you're gonna be sick?" Harry questions with panic.

I nod my head and hear Harry asking the driver if he can pull over.

"Can you pull over? My wife is feeling ill." Harry frantically questions the uber driver up front.

"I'm sorry sir but this freeway is packed and there is no way I can get to the side of the road right now." the driver says with a bit of an attitude.

Hearing that made me and Harry both start to panic.

"Well do you have any sick bags in here?" my husband asks.

"Sorry I don't." the driver retorts in a uncaring tone. What kind of uber driver doesn't carry sick bags for when drunks potentially need a ride but feel like they are going to be sick?

I just barley hear Harry let out a frustrated sigh and turn to me.

"Try and relax love. Take deep breaths for me, alright." Harry whispers while rubbing my back as I'm slumped over his body, too disoriented to even hold my head up.

About 3 minutes later, I feel vomit rise up my throat. There isn't much I can to do. The driver already said he couldn't pull over, nor does he have sick bags. I sit up from my slouched position and clasp a hand over my mouth. My legs are bouncing up and down. I'm trying desperately not to puke but I'm doing a poor job. Harry is sitting up with me, trying to comfort me but his words are all a blur at this point.

"If you have to be sick darling, let it out. I'll pay to get this uber cleaned, okay." Harry states in my ear. I know he'd rather not have me puke on the floor of the uber, right beside him, but he can tell I'm struggling and in discomfort.

Hearing those words was all the conformation I needed. I remove my hand from my mouth and let out a gush of alcoholic bile spew from my mouth and onto the backseat floor board. Harry gathers my hair in his hands so it's not in my face. My vomit splatters all over my legs and on the bottom of Harry's Gucci suit. I'd feel terrible about that if I wasn't so out of it, but my mind is a mushed up blur.

"Shhh, that's it. You're alright." Harry reassures me. The uber driver lets out a sigh of disgust, but this is truly his fault that I'm throwing up in his uber right now anyways.

Heave after heave, I let out more of the alcohol that was poisoning my system, right onto the floor. It's not a pretty sight. I'm having a cold sweat and my body is trembling. Though Harry has a weak stomach, when it comes to his wife (me) or his kids, he can always handle a bit of throw up. Or a lot like currently. It's like a fatherly/husband instinct that comes over him and he feels only adrenaline, not yuck.

Finally I feel my stomach relax and I sit up, breathing heavy with vomit dripping down my chin. Without thinking, I wipe it off with the back of my hand and smear it on my already ruined dress. "Feeling better?" Harry asks in a low tone.

"Mhmm." I hum, not really feeling like talking. My drunken brain has cleared up some from the majority of the alcohol being out of my system, but I still feel the after affects drinking brings. I just lean my head on Harry's shoulder for the rest of the ride home and allow the cool breeze to blow on my face. The uber driver did us all a favor by rolling the windows down so we didn't suffocate on the nasty smell of my sick.

---------------------

After-

When we arrived home, Harry payed the uber driver, not giving much of a tip and told him that he'd have someone clean his car out in the morning. As well as a half assed apology for my incident beings it could have been prevented. Then carefully, Harry lifted me out the uber and carried me into our Los Angeles home. Good thing our kids were all asleep because they shouldn't have to see their mother like this. Covered in puke and half drunk.

Harry took me to our bathroom and quickly ran down stairs to pay our babysitter, hoping she didn't question my appearance when she saw my state as we came through the front door. She didn't thankfully and left soon after her check was handed to her. Harry came back up to where he left me and helped me clean up and get ready for bed.

He stripped us of our vomit covered clothes and helped me into the big walk-in shower we have in our master bathroom. Then after he delicately washed our bodies along with my hair, he helped us out and dried us off. We brushed our teeth, me with the help of my husband because I was still a bit dizzy. After we're clean of sick and smelt fresh, he helped me put some panties and a t-shirt over my nude body and boxers on himself; just incase our kids woke up and needed us for whatever reason.

Harry helped me into our large bed and tucked me in, bending down to kiss my forehead. Then he walked down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a bucket incase I needed to be sick again at some point through-out the rest of the early morning. When he had all the items he intended to grab, Harry came back to our bedroom where I was already passed out with sleep.

So he just set the water on my night stand and the bucket on the floor, beside my side of the bed. Then Harry quietly exited our room and went to each of our child's bedrooms to make sure they were fine and still asleep like they should be, which they thankfully were.

When everything was done and taken care of, Harry turned the bedroom lights out and slipped in the covers with me. He helped my body scoot over and I cuddled into his warm body. I didn't realize it in my state of sleep but I knew when I awoke, I'll be thinking about how grateful I am to have a wonderful husband like Harry.

He takes such good care of me. He didn't get upset that I drank too much on his special night and accidently got wasted. He never once got upset that I basically got throw up on his expensive suit tonight in the uber. He didn't get annoyed that he had to shower both me and him past midnight, though he was exhausted. Harry loves taking care of me (and our kids) and wouldn't wish for any other life. Even when his life becomes chaotic and stressful. Harry loves his family dearly and his family love him just as much or more.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #husband!harry #dad!harry #harry styles sicfic #sicfic #harry styles grammys #grammys 2021 #harry styles comfort #soft!harry #husbandandwife #harry styles uber

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inventors-fair · 9 months ago

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Valiant Efforts: Battle Runners-Up ~

Our runners-up this week are @grornt, @hypexion, and @real-aspen-hours!

@grornt — Tovolar's Moonlight Assault / Harvesttide Exultation

I think this card is balanced, well-designed, flavorful, resonant, and pretty...normal! That's a good thing when you're designing cards that are supposed to be good. I did want to swing for the fences with the winners this week—as much as I could without destroying the stadium. This really is a well-designed removal suite for green and feels like it's doing everything that you can do right in the color, though, so what's to complain about?

Maybe the fact that is DOES do so much stuff is reason for concern, but green has had its heyday of advantages, and this card probably isn't going to break any formats like its pre/mid-2020s ilk. Creatures, life, card draw, and buffs isn't too bad...is it? I'm kidding, this all fits in for both how much a battle can matter when you need it to be a bit of everything, AND how easily a battle can be flavored on a world we already know with a story we're familiar with. Tovolar makes the Harvesttide a little crazy, and what more can we ask for than a witchy, wolfy get-together. Personally, I'd ask for Tovolar's digits. His wolfy, wolfy digits.

@hypexion — Attack on Eiganjo

Once more, everything about this battle makes sense. You want to find the best ways to deal damage to get the advantages that you need. The more that you penetrate the defenses, the stronger you can get. You picked a line, and stuck with it, and I'm right there with you. Did multiple people come up with the concept for the assault supertype? I missed conversations in the workshop if so. Regardless, that name makes sense and I'm glad that folks went with it. The different directions are quite interesting as well!

I wish there was an easier way for this particular scenario to be made manifest. Can you ping the battle over and over until you have eight power on board? Perhaps! Is getting two 2/2 creatures worth it, too? If they have first strike, I'd say so. The rewards for battling could perhaps be more fleshed out, and/or there could be a reward for winning the battle, if such a thing is feasible, but that hardly matters. I get what this card does and what it wants the game state to look like. It's complicated once we get there and I'd love to see the decision-making process of someone having to deal with/against this in combat.

@real-aspen-hours — Loot the Storehouses!

Another assault! Gotta love it, don't you. This is actually quite similar to the Granary card, or at least it would seem so at first glance. And then the actual ability and implied flavor happens, and we're in a different world. Probably literally! The card advantage is different, which is fine, and it's more focused on that than it is a more general reward feeling. I think what I really like here is the utilization of the second main phase, or at least how this card wants you to think about it. The benefits of battle, if you will.

I think "You may play those cards this turn" would be better than the whole "until your next end step" clause, just because of clarity, but that doesn't matter too much. Ooh, or what if you could only play them on a turn that Loot the Storehouses was attacked? There are plenty of options and there's not one right answer. Considering that card advantage is pretty easy to understand, my curiosity wants me to ask where you imagined this card taking place, y'know? What world, which storehouses, etc. It could be anywhere and that's all fine, but as it stands, I do want to thank everyone who submitted a single-faced battle this contest for all the cool things that one can do with them. Super proud.

So, I'll post about this in the Discord, but I'm going to be away from my computer most of the day. Again. Life is a long series of doing thangs. Commentary will either be up late tonight, or sometime during the day tomorrow. I'll be working as hard as I can, though!

@abelzumi

#mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #inventor's fair #commentary #battle contest #runners up

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nellie-elizabeth · 2 years ago

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Westworld: Que Será, Será (4x08)

It's already the finale, time flies!

Cons:

In many ways this episode almost functioned more as an epilogue, like, it wrapped up elements of the season, but we didn't really learn anything new except that final decision from Dolores. So there were things as I was watching that felt... redundant? Unneeded?

Like, okay, we have another showdown between Charlotte and William. We saw these two fight last week, and this time it's like "hey, round two, with a new winner this time." So it almost made last week's confrontation seem irrelevant, if they were just going to do a round two here. It also stalls out the impact of Charlotte's "death" last week; it's not that we didn't know it would be temporary, but to see her getting back up and getting a cooler more impenetrable body so quickly made the whole thing feel a little pointless.

Then there's Christina making up a black best friend to offer her sage advice? I don't know about that. We basically learn that Maya and Teddy and everyone else we've seen Christina talk to have been figments of her own imagination, her mind's way of processing things so she can wake up and remember the truth of what and who she is. I feel like they wanted there to be some huge impact to the discovery that Christina's roommate was entirely fictional. But I had to look it up to even know this character's name. She had no real personality of her own, so the impact of learning she was fake didn't do anything for me!

Pros:

Despite some problems that stem from the overall pacing of the season, I still did think this was a relatively solid finale.

I haven't talked about the visuals enough this season, probably, but let's just say by and large the visual and special effects go in the "pros" section virtually across the board. It's the uncanny valley horror of Charlotte's skull splitting open on smooth mechanical hinges, it's Teddy inside Dolores/Christina's mind, fizzing out with strange red electrical signals bubbling under his skin. It's the whole opening title sequence, with a synthetic skeleton playing a piano. It's Central Park, it's Times Square, all the strange glitching wonder of the environments and settings. All of that is very cool to see.

I also ultimately enjoyed Hale's fate, that she chooses to pass the mantle, let the story be told by someone else. The pieces of what Dolores once was have splintered into Charlotte Hale and Christina and whatever else, and now we're getting some synthesis, some cyclical storytelling, where as a function of Hale choosing her own end, and Dolores (Christina?) choosing her own continuing, we are seeing how things circle back to the park for which the show is named. It's a cool concept, and it also gives me hope that maybe a fifth (and likely final) season can narrow the scope, keep things where they're more interesting and contained, and give us a satisfactory wrap-up to the proceedings.

While Maya being fictional did nothing for me, I will say that Teddy's presence this season greatly moved me, and the revelation that he's entirely a figment of Dolores's, while unsurprising, was still a bit gut-wrenching. I love the idea of her creating the original park again within the Sublime. It's meta and twisty and circular in a way that this story, a story concerned with the gamification of the human experience, really justifies.

Then we've got the beautiful tragedy of Caleb and Frankie. Stubbs is killed (at least for now) in the escape effort, but an injured Frankie and a slowly dying Caleb manage to escape and get all the way to a boat that is going to take them away from the chaos. But Caleb decides not to come along, given the limited life he has left in his body. Their goodbye is tender and emotional and the perfect kind of cathartic tragedy. What a gorgeous end for Caleb's character, to be able to get this one final dream of seeing his daughter grown up, and be able to help her escape to fight another day.

That's what I've got! I hope that season five of Westworld, should it materialize, will be the show's last. I think this show ultimately suffered from an abundance of ambition, the world-building breaking out of its confinement and taking the story in directions too convoluted to be compelling to me personally. But this season was an improvement on season three, and I think they could stick the landing in an interesting way with one final chance!

8/10

#review #westworld #westworld review

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bisluthq · 4 years ago

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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

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anhed-nia · 6 years ago

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THE EMOJI MOVIE

I've actually tried to watch this several times, and never made it past the first twenty minutes or so. The whole concept--that emojis inside a boy's phone struggle for survival when their glitchy antics provoke him to try to wipe the device--is so uninspired that it was hard for me to imagine it even being kitschy enough to justify watching the whole thing. However, since its release (only a year ago, but isn't it starting to feel like it's been with us forever?), THE EMOJI MOVIE has become so notorious that suffering through it feels like some sort of rite of passage. As of this morning, I can say with absolute certainty that this experience is actually much worse than you probably think it is.

I don't even want to get that much into the "plot", but for the sake of whatever: TJ Miller is a "meh" emoji by birth, who is secretly plagued by a full spectrum of emotions. When he is classified as a "malfunction", in a series of repetitive arguments that sound uncomfortably like they're just barely skirting "the R word", Meh goes on the run to avoid destruction by his fellow emoji, who need to manage this crisis before their user erases all of them.

If that is like...not very heroic-sounding to you, then you're hearing me right. THE EMOJI MOVIE is I guess about being yourself or something, but the details of Meh's adventure are so outlandishly stupid that it's hard to even worry about the moral of the story. To my apoplectic shock, our hero's escape from peril is totally dependent on Dropbox. That's almost all you need to know about this movie, actually: That it requires you to somehow reimagine a collaborative file management product as the Millennium Falcon, or Dorothy's ruby slippers, or something. Even if I were able to accept this proposal, it still remains beyond me why a tween boy would have Dropbox on his phone. I mean, is he going to Project Management Junior High or something?

Of course, this is only one example of THE EMOJI MOVIE's inability to produce exciting, easy-to-understand ideas. It may not be surprising, on paper, that an unwieldy chunk of the story involves a loud advertisement for the money-grubbing mobile game Candy Crush. However, it's still jarring when the movie has the sheer nerve to insert its characters into a 3D version of the very-2D Candy Crush board, have them discuss the rules and mechanics of Candy Crush at length, and then have them actually play Candy Crush, in a scene that really accomplishes nothing other than exactly what is on the screen while it lasts. The audacity of the thing makes the McDonald's breakdancing sequence in MAC & ME look downright subtle.

The aforementioned scene should really be enough to sink basically any cinematic ship, but THE EMOJI MOVIE doesn't settle for less than 100% failure. Almost everything in it is so poorly considered that there isn't enough time in my life to get through it all, but I have to get *some* things off my chest. I mean, how the fuck do you take a concept like this, and decide that a whole bunch of your movie should involve DANCING? How can you possibly ask me to look at a bunch of Pac-Mans with little rudimentary limbs, and expect me to be able to tell that SOME of them are really good dancers and SOME of them are really shitty dancers, and ALL OF THE SUSPENSE hinges on this distinction? And while we're talking about physical activity, what are even the rules of this world? Apps are both giant monolithic cubes, like they are on your home screen, that can slide around and crush you between their unyielding walls, and they are ALSO little subdimensions that you can enter (not that we really see how this works) and dick around in. "Internet trolls" are somehow not separate human users, but technological entities that exists inside the world of the phone, right alongside junk mail and computer viruses. And speaking of junk, like, why is the phone owner deleting individual apps WHILE he's on his way to a Genius Bar to get the whole device reset? What the fuck is going on in any part of this movie?

While I'm talking about how ~completely~ disastrous this movie is, though, I should admit that maybe I blew past the plot too quickly. The most remarkable thing about THE EMOJI MOVIE is that it manages to be so fathomlessly moronic, AND so majestically pretentious at the same time. There is something interestingly perverse about the idea of taking humanity's most vapid, dehumanized linguistic development, and using it as some kind of allegory for the supremacy of emotion, and the prismatic nature of the soul. It's disturbing, actually. On the one hand, the movie cannot resist advertising for office products and parasitic IAP-driven games, and all of its ostensible charm is predicated on the viewer's preexisting familiarity with fun icons for human shit and compressed fish byproducts. On the other hand, the movie makes a big deal out of identifying the fascism inherent in controlling how people express themselves, and confining their potential to the dictates of their heritage. At some point the movie even drags in some shallow commentary on the tyranny of gender roles, with a subplot about a "princess" emoji rejecting the few, oppressively girly options for females of the species--just in case there were any audience members left who didn't feel personally condescended to yet.

At this point, you might be wondering why I even bothered to write all this down, having already suffered the unnecessary indignity of watching the thing. The truth is that I have an insatiable curiosity about the psychology of productions like this. When I see something so abjectly catastrophic, I start to have enthralling nightmare visions about what it must have been like to make this movie. Especially considering the fact that it is animated: At what point did people begin to realize that something really bad was happening? Who noticed it first? Was there a protracted period of convincing oneself that everything was going to be fine, or did the darkness sink in at the very beginning? What happened when the movie came out? Have all of the actors even see the whole thing? How did they manage their social lives when it started to become common, international knowledge that they had participated in the creation of one of the worst movies in the visible history of the medium? Does one lose relationships over a movie like this, either among friends who don't know how to address it, or comrades who can't stand the slightest reminder of what they've been through? I am completely entranced by my own fantasies about what happens with movies like this. I would happily watch a documentary about the making of THE EMOJI MOVIE, or better yet, some sort of distorted psychodrama about the emotional environment of the production. Somebody get Peter Strickland on the blower.

PS Mike White, I am so, so sorry. What happened to you?

#the emoji movie #blogtober #animation #comedy #too many celebrities to name #how did this happen

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