#i know threads are hard to read without a twitter account

[colorisbyshe]

An update from Bisan, posted today 11/05/23, saying she does not think she will survive long because Israel is bombing anything that may help people survive. Sources of electricity, solar panels, water. Bakeries are running out of petrol and wheat and any that obtain said materials are threatened with bombing.

There is no food and water and without electricity it is impossible to find or make any. The infrastructure is collapsing because 100-300 bombs happened last night, all over Gaza, and people are coughing and ill.

Today, they dropped posts saying this is their LAST CHANCE to evacuate to the south. People have no way to leave, nothing to sustain them, this is genocide. They are starving, injured, ill with gassed air with only the sea left to them. Aid is not reaching anyone.

Please watch all 7 videos across the three tweets in the thread, linked above. My summary cannot do this justice. If you do not have a twitter account, here's tweet one, tweet two, tweet three.

This is her instagram, the videos are also in her story.

[fashion-runways]

hi!! new pinned post, because the last one had gotten long again-- if you want to read previous posts, here's the first one, here's the second one. the tl;dr from those is that my dad got wrongfully imprisoned abruptly, our place was raided, the cops broke a bunch of shit and took a bunch of our things and still haven't returned them, they left all the broken things for us to spend money in repairing, we had to spend money on a lawyer, trips to visit him, new clothes, medicine and food for him in jail, etc. it was a mess, way more details in both posts. he's back home now, with an ankle monitor because technically his case isn't being investigated yet, they haven't done anything about it at all, the case hasn't moved one ounce lmao it's great, always trust the judicial system and cops!! ugh, anyway!

we found a therapist for my dad who can help her deal with all the stuff he had to deal with while in prison, all the bullying, the depression, the starving, the separation, etc. he needs to get a bunch of other medical appointments, has to get surgery, among other things, but for now things are much better on that front. that being said, he did lose his job and my old redbubble account got suspended without a warning months ago, plus argentina's economy is... really bad right now. food prices rise every day, public transportation prices went up like a 200% in a couple of weeks, salaries are low and stuck there, subsidies are gone, the local peso keeps falling, we have an absolute psychopath as a president who spends more time insulting or threatening anyone who oppose him than caring about people. it's a disaster. for updates on argentina in english, this person on twitter makes very good informative threads if you're interested.

anyway, i used to make around 30/40 dollars a month in redbubble, and that used to help adding up to the donations i got here, and it got suspended, so now i make like 1/2 dollars on teepublic monthly. so... it's a huge loss. there's a lot of things me and my mom are in charge of paying-- groceries, power and water and gas, medicine (she's diabetic, i have some sort of chronic sinusitis), our dog and cat's food and medicines, wifi, phone bills, public transportation, healthcare, my dad's new therapist... so, you know, i really need anything people can donate. even if it's just a single dollar, literally any amount helps. i love fashion so much and i love this blog, i work really hard on it even when my brain says no, and i really appreciate how much you guys love it too. i love seeing people discover new styles, new designers, new things to be inspired by. so, yeah... i'm never going anywhere, but i do need help to basically stay afloat.

as usual, my kofi link is this one: https://ko-fi.com/fashionrunways and my teepublic link is this one: https://www.teepublic.com/user/dinah-lance. thanks for being around and sharing and reblogging my posts, thanks for asking questions about fashion, and of course thanks for helping to the ones who can, and thanks to the ones who can't too, i know how that feels like, don't worry about it. love you 💖

[nicegaai]

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[dayurno]

sorryyyy for bringing some type of discourse to your inbox but I just giggle whenever anyone brings up the fact that nora soad andrews a misogynist and their only argument is the fact that he's friends with renee and dating neil who said women are the strongest ppl i know, like i don't personally think he's a misogynist, but i feel like there has to be better arguments for it😭

maybe it's bc the fandom gets on my nerves so I'm more sensitive to any attempts a defanging and making characters more palatable bc I'm not a fan of the widespread fanon versions of the characters also it's sad I feel like the fandom made some sort of progress where discussions were being had about the problems in the series and now after tsc came out it feels like we're back to where the author can do no wrong and it's hard to criticise anything

what do you think about tsc being a triology, I feel like two books can hopefully give Jeremy the depth he needs i remember you found him a bit flat as well when you read the book, I see a lot of people saying he needs to have a mean side or a traumatic past but I feel like a kind, nice character can be interesting without those things and not every kind character needs to have this secret mean side anyway, personally I groaned out loud when I found out it was a triology bc that would mean the fandom would be alive for longer and it's so crazy out of any book fandom I've ever been in for some reason the aftg fandom feels the most obnoxious maybe it's bc the books deal with heavier topics close to the heart so there's more feelings involved🤔the only book fandom who has pissed me off a comparable amount would be asoiaf but that's a whole different thing

I really do try and be happy I'm not even in the fandom anymore and I've never followed aftg twitter accounts and I don't even check the tags I just go on certain blogs but i still see things it's horrible💔like I can't believeeee we're still discussing if Kevins a coward or not and how selfish he is for leaving the nest like we've already argued about this to death on tumblr back in like 2016 now it's the same thing again💔

LOL i understand honestly so many of these discussions are repackaged wide-spread 2015 opinions which don’t reflect the original text that it’s hard to do anything except use the we have this thread every week comrade image and let it go. andrew being misogynistic is not even hard to come to terms with considering it’s not an interpretation or a headcanon it’s the author’s own words and will for the character incorporated into canon. there are things to disagree with nora sakavic for, but ultimately there is a difference between disagreeing with the author and willfully ignoring the intention with which a character was written

& i didn’t really care much for the news, i think the lack of planning and the rushed way the books are coming along are grating on both the author and the fandom, but i don’t blame her for wanting to get this done and over with. it will show more insight on jeremy hopefully, but unfortunately i already don’t care 😭 i think the route tsc took was in general uninteresting and pedestrian enough to not warrant a second thought, and i’m not particularly interested in any plotline beyond what pertains to kevin and the ravens. what surprised me really is the total lack of impact tsc had on the fandom, which is to say, i think it was so in line with the same 3-5 headcanons passed around the last 10 years that it has genuinely done nothing for anyone aside from the people who were already very invested in jean and/or jeremy. it feels like a different fandom from aftg altogether, which i’m happy about if only because it keeps us all locked in different cages, but it still baffles me to see people dedicate so much thought to a book whose characters bar jean are, as of now, the very definition of Nothing burger. all in all the answer to that question and most questions pertaining to tsc is Who cares. because literally who cares

LMFAO staying away from aftg twt is really good for you & honestly all of us. it’s still so funny to me that not even nora sakavic herself wanted to touch that mess. mentally ill white suburbanite teenage shut-in echo chamber ass fandom

[hyunpic]

Hiii Vilma ✨ I’m sorry I don’t want to be a bother but would you mind listing some books that Hyunjin recommended at some point please? If you have some time?

I know some threads are very easily findable online so I don’t want you to think that I’m using you bc I know Google exists but the thing is that those threads are only visible by people who have Twitter / X and I don’t have an account so I can’t see it :( (with all not-due respect, fuck Elon Musk) Really feeling like the beggar ant meme lmao I’m so sorry

Thank you so much 💕

i got u!!!! don’t worry about about using me or anything 🫡💘💘 i put down some synopsis of the books too. i hope u can find something to read from there 🥹 also this probably isn’t a full list but i tried to include as much as possible!!

fire salamander by han kang: a collection of seven short stories tied to one keyword "recovery". the author shows the issues of a human's suffering and loss, as well as a human's will to lead a life without giving up despite the pain and frustration.

i want to die but i want to eat tteokboki by baek sehee: a successful young social media director at a publishing house begins seeing a psychiatrist about her depression. it is a book to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness. it will appeal to anyone who has ever felt alone or unjustified in their everyday despair.

temperature of language by lee kijoo: the author of this book claims that language has temperature. he encourages us to use words that can comfort others with warmth instead of cold words that hurt them.

the setting sun by osamu dazai: the setting sun deals with the decline of japan’s aristocracy in the wake of world war II, and portrays characters adrift in a world that no longer feels familiar.

no longer human by osamu dazai: the poignant and fascinating story of a young man who is caught between the breakup of the traditions of a northern japanese aristocratic family and the impact of western ideas.

almond by son wonpyeong: it tells the story of yunjae, a young boy born with a difference. yunjae has a brain condition called alexithymia that makes it hard for him to feel emotions like fear, anger, and empathy.

contradictions by yang guija: contradictions is a coming-of-age tale that explores the paradoxes and contradictions of the human condition and delves into the meaning of personal happiness

proof of gu by choi jinyoung: a heart-moving novel written with beautiful sentences, which questions the meaning of life or the meaning of death through the death of a lover and the subsequent feelings of loss and condolences.

the old man and the sea by ernest hemingway: through his struggle, santiago demonstrates the ability of the human spirit to endure hardship and suffering in order to win. it is also his deep love and knowledge of the sea, in its impassive cruelty and beneficence, that allows him to prevail

someone harmless to me by eun young choi: the novel collection portrays various relationships, especially relationships of women including a love story of a lesbian couple, a story of two girls who grew up in oppressive patriarchal atmosphere and a story of two sisters who spent their childhood persistently fighting but sometimes understanding each other.

the preciousness of everyday words by kim eana: through the use of everyday words, lyricist kim eana finds solutions to the complex emotions and frustrations in relationships encountered in life. (<- this was recommended to him by stay but he ordered it so i included it here too )

[timingmatters]

As ririka is more introduced into the anime i see a lot of manga readers giving their opinion and i wanted to share mine too. Btw i’m trying to make this without spoilers but i think is inevitable that some spoilers or hints will be there so read with caution if you aren’t a manga reader:

A lot of people give ririka more grace than i think she deserves? There’s a thread on twitter that’s incredibly well made making the rounds about her being a villainess vs a trauma victim. And i can agree with most of it to an extent. However I do think Ririka clealy as romantic feelings for shima. And also clearly blames him. I understand she was really young, and that due to sexism she caught all the hate whereas Shima, who was the one with the idea to be at that place and was on the same level of fame as her, managed to not be too hated on and to quietly disappear and live his life. But i do think she bares responsibility on the aftermath with Shima. She trauma was NOT shima’s fault, she herself admits he had told her not to go. And he was a child himself. However she completely blames him for the hate and harassment she got, and even if subconsciously she 100000% blames him. She holds him on a leash because she thinks he should be feeling guilt and shame forever. Numerous times she expressed discontent at the idea that Shima might be happy with his high school life, and discontent at the idea he might have another important girl in his life. She wants him to feel guilty, and yet also wants him to love her. Someone said due to trauma as a young child the only way she knows how to keep him in her life (or the only way she THINKS she has) is to use his guilt on her favor to manipulate him. But you see, to me the fact that she went through all that trauma doesn’t excuse that. At all. She becomes overprotective with the mom, and KNOWS how hard his family situation is, yet she willingly manipulates all the guilt she knows he feels so that she has control over him. She quite literally emotionally abuses him. And i know she is still a child, but simultaneously she is also grown enough to know she should not be doing that.

Trauma to me is a reason, but not a justification. I do not look at her and feel like she is a helpless victim in the whole thing. She WAS a victim, but now she quite literally emotionally manipulates Shima and she is aware of it to an extent. It was never Shima’s fault that she was there in the first place, or that the media harassed her more than him. It is unfair she expects Shima to always carry around guilt to the point she thinks he shouldn’t deserve to enjoy life. It is extremely fucked up. Especially because she simultaneously loves him and wants his love. Is toxic. She needs therapy. And again, I understand the way, but that is not an excuse. Her redemption should not be to be forgiven, but to take accountability of the damage she has caused on him too and step away. She needs to let go of shima to heal herself too. And maybe come back years later, but surely not now.

[dessertgeek]

The Mari Lwyd Twitter saga (2021)

This is part of my efforts to transcribe @seananmcguire's annual holiday Mari Lwyd Twitter threads/poetry battles. The hashtag for now is #Mari Lwyd Project, the first post is here, this thread's source is here.

This round is Seanan + @tkingfisher back for another round of cheese and rhymes! And 2021's is the one that inspired me to work on this, as the non-Twitter versions I could find, though there be plenty, were all screenshots.

As always, credit to the authors/poets/cheese protectors. CWs for food and caps. Settle in for a read. (And if there are more 2021 poetry battles can someone please link me or transcribe and send me a link? I'm not finding more yet.)

Seanan: HELLO MY SWEET, IT'S BEEN A YEAR. I KNOW YOU MISSED ME: NOW I'M HERE. YOU HEARD MY BELLS UPON THE BREEZE. I HOPE YOU'RE WELL PREPARED WITH CHEESE.

Ursula: I’ve blockaded the pantry, I’ve bolted the door I’ve piled up the padlocks ‘til they’ll padlock no more, It may be quite churlish, but this cheese I’ll defend From equine depredations ‘til the cold bitter end.

Seanan: THE WIND THROUGH MY BONES HAS BEEN FREEZING AND CRUEL, IT BLOWS DOWN THE CANDLES AND KINDNESS OF YULE, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BE QUITE THIS UNKIND. YOU'LL SPARE NOT A CRUMB, NOR A SLIVER OF RIND?

Ursula: If you asked me for money, I’d write you a check, And the clothes off my back, I’d pile on your neck. But my cheese—! I’m sorry, but that is the bar, I’m all for charity, but you’re going too far!

Seanan: IF YOU HAVE MONEY, CHEESE IS SIMPLE: IN YOUR ACCOUNT IT LEAVES NO DIMPLE. IT'S HARD TO SHOP WHEN YOU'RE JUST BONES, YOU'RE MET WITH LOATHING, STICKS AND STONES.

Ursula: In that case, my friend, I will now blow your mind For cheese can be had, from the curd to the rind. With the power of the internet, your torment will end, If you’re a skeleton, online shopping’s your friend!

Seanan: AND YET I FIND THAT SHOPPING'S HARD WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD FOR "WINTER SPIRIT'S" MY PROFESSION, BUT PUTS NO CASH IN MY POSSESSION.

Ursula: That seems like a problem, I freely admit, The solution, I fear, not within my remit. But if your profession’s not a matter of choice, Have you tried sending Winter some kind of invoice?

Seanan: THE SOLUTION FOR NOW IS RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HAND: OFFER ME CHEESE, DOESN'T MATTER WHAT BRAND, AND I'LL SPEAK TO THE SPIRITS OF COLD AND OF FROST AND ASK THEY SPARE ROOTS, LEST YOUR GARDEN BE LOST.

Ursula: So we’re moving to threats now, is that what I hear? Menacing my garden which you know I hold dear? It’s on now, bone horse, forget the Brie— You mess with my plants and you’re messing with ME.

Seanan: I OFFER NO THREATS, BUT THE BLESSINGS OF SPRING: FOR FROST COMES WITHOUT ME, IT'S THAW THAT I BRING. I ASK FOR A TOKEN, ONE YOU CAN REPLACE, AND MOVE WITH THE WINTER TO SOME OTHER PLACE.

Ursula: This type of wording is really quite damnable Like a Mafia Don saying “This places looks...flammable.” Leaving my garden so the frost won’t attack it? Cold bone horse, you’re running a protection racket!

Seanan: YOUR POINT IS VALID, THAT SEEMS PLAIN, AND YET IT SEEMS I MUST REMAIN. I'LL SIT HERE IN MY CHEESELESS CORNER, AND SO THE YEAR WILL GROW NO WARMER.

Ursula: It’s true I long for Spring’s return Yet Necessity must sometimes burn Seems to me this vein’s untapped… What happens if I keep Winter trapped?

Seanan: YOUR PATHS STAY SLICK, YOUR WINDOWS FREEZE, AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WON'T SHARE CHEESE. YOUR FIELDS ARE FALLOW, GRASS UNSPROUTED WHEN YOU WON'T LET ME BE RE-ROUTED.

Ursula: Ah, but think of Winter in Summer’s home— The savings on AC alone! A captive winter’s a useful tool, Just much climate could you cool?

Seanan: NOT QUITE AS MUCH AS YOU'RE NOW THINKING, AND I'D FAR RATHER JUST BE DRINKING, IT'S EASY TO BE FREE OF ME. JUST GIVE A SINGLE BITE OF BRIE.

Ursula: I don’t fear winter’s icy blast When it’s 72 and overcast But consider this with empty eyes How about a compromise?

Seanan: ...WHAT COMPROMISE ARE YOU PROPOSING? IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL BE DECOMPOSING. BUT AS THE SNOWFLAKES GLEAM AND GLISTEN, THIS I SAY TO YOU: I'LL LISTEN.

Ursula: I’ll write the word “cheese” on the back of a napkin And slide the note under this door you’re attackin’. And don’t argue with me that the cheese is synthetic— The best magic always has been sympathetic.

Seanan: WHILE IT STILL SEEMS A TAD BIT MEAN, IT SUITS ENOUGH TO MATCH THE SCENE. THE THING THAT'S WRIT THE THING IN FACT, AND SO I'LL GO...BUT I'LL BE BACK.

Ursula: Goodbye, bone horse, the season moves Its icy wheel beneath your hooves. And as I devour this cheese with chives I feel I should apologize. ‘Twas wrong to plot to see you imprisoned— But there’s no ethical consumption in capitalism.

[lyxthen]

The year is 2023 and I am still mourning the loss of Nuestro Futuro Perdido, a Hamilton RPF Wattpad fic that had a whole micro-fandom of its own with a wonderful comunity and fanart and even a fucking animatic that's still up in YouTube and the most hard-hitting lines to ever be written down in the Spanish language and its all GONE. IT'S GONE NOW. Only ghosts of it remain. A mention on a Twitter thread. An Amino post discussing what could happen in the upcoming chapters. Fanarts and edits scattered across Pinterest. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot so much as to find the cover.

This was big, my friends. This was THE author in the Spanish Speaking Hamilton comunity. I would wait for every chapter to come weekly and the whole fandom would come together to read it at once, as though it was some grand event, leaving comments on it LIVE (you know, that is how Wattpad works, and the only reason that damned site was worthwhile, if I'm honest).

The sheer size of the community and the passion they had about the works of this one author, was absolutely insane. You cannot comprehend. You had to be there.

Indeed, ever since I left that fandom (which I am fairly embarrassed to admit I was a part of in the first place, but bear with me) and found out the fics got deleted, I have found not only one but TWO whole fans of this author out in the wild in complelty separate accounts and in completely different fandoms in different platforms on different accounts: One in TikTok (in the Pokémon fandom, and who I recognized by their gorgeous artstyle) and another in Discord (we were talking about songs that reminded us of Sam and Frodo. They brought up "Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story" and it went downhill from there). Oh, and of course, I forgot about the time I found a Lisaki00 fan in the Ace Attorney subreddit! So that'd be three.

Like, these fics got me through middle school. I cried so bad reading the endings, I have some scenes embedded on my fucking brain, and genuinely heart wrenching quotes, and it's all gone. There's only an echo of what it once was. And the fact that to this day I keep finding people that were involved in the community without even looking for them, who made art and commented and grieved when the author disappeared out of nowhere, speaks to how wonderful it all was, at least from the lens of a depressed 13 year old. And I would love to revisit them for the sake of nostalgia alone but they are gone forever.

What I mean to say is: AUTHOR PLEASE COME BACK YOU DRAGGED ME I TO READING GAY FANFICTION OF DEAD RACIST PEOPLE AND YOU MADE ME LIKE IT SO PLEASE. PLEASE. AUGH.

[halfax-a]

Lin and tumblr

The past year has changed how i use this website quite a lot, and i have feelings about it.  Here, i’m writing a mini essay to help me make my mind up what to do about it all.

The first big painful truth i have to face is: i don’t like my dashboard anymore. I find it increasingly hard to sit and just scroll through and pay attention. I know that a few years ago it used to be better balanced - divided into fandom content, meme content and music content. 

This year, more than ever, saw the absolutely bonkers avalanche of fandom content, which cannibalised both music and meme side of things. I experienced genuine mass hysteria with the flood of people, and i don’t regret that or hate that, but all of it ended up feeling more like witnessing a group of friends having an absolutely insane party - through the front window of their hourse, having your nose pressed to the glass. 

Why it felt so much like that, can be anointed to how i chose to interact with tumblr - 2022 was the year i fully turned to blog-crawling. It ended up impacting me a lot - in ways you can see (7 fandom posts in a row reblogged from one blog), and in ways you can’t (all those hours reading and internalising and the r word). Waking up every day, obsessively searching up 5 to 12 different blogs and spending up to 3 hours just reading updates (combined with my brief stint on twitter in the summer) fucked me up quite well, i think. 

Well. Actually. This is not new behaviour for me. Obsessive checking of tumblr blogs, forum threads and twitter accounts dates back well into 2016. But this is the first time it has fucked with my enjoyment of this site, and i am at a loss what to do.

I feel trapped. My brain does not think it can go without tumblr, because twitter, instagram, even the mighty youtube have surrendered to this blue hellsite, and let it reign the supreme doom scroll hole of my life. 

At the same time, i recognise that i am not really truly having a good time on here(or at least as much as i used to). The more time i spend on specific blogs, the less i am on my dash, which means the less opportunities i have to make connections with my remaining mutuals, and to make new ones.

I feel trapped and i feel isolated. A few years ago i used to know at least 5 blogs that were guaranteed to appear in my notes at any given time. There were more tag games, more casual @/ing and more interaction. Nowadays i feel quite alone. Yes, i did bring this onto myself with 1. aforementioned blog crawling and 2. jumping into excessive fandom posting. I’m just afraid that getting out of there is not as easy as it used to be. 

I’ve seen a lot of people move on, or drift out of my circles over the years, which makes reconnecting with old acquintances/old topics of interest difficult or downright impossible. And as i get on in age (in my old age of 22), i get increasingly nervous seeing 16,15, 14-year-old on here, and interacting with their blogs.

I am also a bit at a loss for how to curate my dash to regain that optimal meme/fandom/music equilibrium. Meme culture has changed a dizzying amount since 2018, and i know i have been left behind. With music and fandom cannibalising and engulfing each other (in that shiver-inducing mass of conciousness known as “mcr fandom”), i am left to try and find some “general” content. But from where??????

All of these things combined has made me feel like i might have to ditch tumblr soon. Either i put in massive amounts of energy, overhaul my dash and find out what i enjoy (while being concious of how to keep the parts of fandom that are truly enriching for me, when the mass hysteria inevitably starts again), or i log off, block, and try to keep my doomscrolling urges fed on fanfiction and youtube shorts.

With my unfortunate mental state, i sure know which seems easier

Now. Why am i still here at this very moment then?

It’s because of drafts! 

See, in my mind, it is possible to Finish Tumblr. During my years here, i have amassed a significant amount of drafts - gifsets, link masterlists, audio, video and photos, and each of them serves a purpose - to remind me to Consume that thing. The day i listen to the final album, final song, the day i watch the final tv show, movie, the day i let that final draft go; that’s when i can say i have Completed Tumblr, and can log off with a light heart. 

So, i haven’t acknowledged it, but i actually have a concrete goal in mind here, and as long as i work on that, i’ll be shackled to this blue hellsite

[eve-libertine-official]

copy pasted behind the read more for screen readers since there is a character limit

ID: series of tweets that read as follows:

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

it wouldnt make sense for them to have a second exclusion list like this, and much less for it to be formated as javascript code (not even as json) given this would be used in the twitter backend, which is not written in javascript

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

as of right now i consider the info to be disinformation and given there does not appear to be a verifiable archive of the URL the data is claimed to be from i do not consider this information to be verifiable without comment from twitter

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

ofc both the original "leak" and my thread are mostly speculation, but i consider the burden of proof for such a massive claim to be on the side making such a claim. the way in which this was published (via screenshots passed around in unknown ways) is unprofessional either way

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

i will update this thread if i get any more information and ask people not to engage in further speculation that add to the fog of war making it even harder to get real information about this

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

minor correction: the file in the screenshot is not js but some generic configuration file format that vaguely looks like the ini or yaml format. if anything this makes even less sense.

Quote

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

4h

Replying to @awawawhoami

it wouldnt make sense for them to have a second exclusion list like this, and much less for it to be formated as javascript code (not even as json) given this would be used in the twitter backend, which is not written in javascript

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

3h

a former twitter employee essentially confirms what i said earlier about twitter moderation tools and that okta was only ever used for sso, this could have changed in the mean time ofc

Quote

d@nny "disc@" mcClanahan

@hipsterelectron

·

4h

Replying to @awawawhoami

can confirm at least while i was there that twitter made its own internal moderation tooling (they called it "agent tools" and they worked next to me, they were necessarily very secretive). don't know what it relied on but i only remember okta being used for sso

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

3h

if you have any additional information on this incident you can either DM me on here or securely contact me on signal (at nyancrimew.01)

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

3h

i have received some additional information (including an uncensored version of the discord screenshot), i am still very much on the fence about believing this to be real but the person who originally posted the message on discord is apparently working with journalists now

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

3h

i would suggest to wait and see but it might turn out to be real after all, still hard to say with the information i have for now, i will wait on the journalists who have been directly provided with this data. the story i have now doesnt seem entirely unlikely anymore.

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

3h

since they publicly talked about it i can confirm that the discord screenshot is of the vxunderground server, vxug currently says they have no way to verify if the data was forged or not.

Quote

vx-underground

@vxunderground

·

4h

Replying to @ElleHasAGock

The information may not be accurate. We can't verify if it's forged information or not.

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

2h

also just for context: theantifaturtle is not the original poster of the discord screenshot, the original poster of it, as well as reposters, have not been suspended as of now.

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

2h

to be clear based on the info i have my gut feeling still is that this is fake and that a vxug member accidentally laundered the misinfo without trying to reproduce it beforehand. resharing untrusted source info like this is dangerous and leads to shit exactly like this.

typical maia crimew twiter account 2024

@awawawhoami

·

2h

highly suggest

@vxunderground

to retract the info, none of the private details i have about how this info was apparently accessed makes sense either.

End ID

Did you see the Twitter API leak that revealed "protected users" who get the green flag to break ToS and a list of "allowed" slurs?

you can read my twitter thread objectively analyzing info surrounding the alleged leak where i conclude (up to now) that this leak is most likely forged here

[kaisooficpodcast]

Chasing Summer Skies by and with rainepaige08

I am Alexio Sospranio and you’re listening to the kaisoo fic podcast!

For new listeners welcome, welcome to the show. The kaisoo fic podcast is a space where we discuss literature found in the kaisoo world. Where we have authors on the show to give them a platform to talk about their writings and journey as an author in the fandom. 

This episode there will be some reference to the previous episode with rainepaige08. If you have not, do check that episode out as well, but this episode can also be a stand alone episode, just that listeners who have gone through the previous episode with Raine will be able to see more or less where we are coming from. Raine is also the very first guest we had on the show, so having this episode together again is very meaningful. 

Without further ado, ladies and gays and of the like, let us give a warm welcome to Ms Raine Paige!

Welcome Raine, thank you for becoming a returning guest on the kaisoo fic podcast show. We are very pleased to have you with us this evening.

Before we begin proper, do you have any opening comments you would like to make?

Thank you for having me here again and hopefully I’m more relaxed now than last time.

Pleasure is mine, i know we are more comfortable now that we have talked a bit more both on the twitter dms and discord voice chats, so I do agree that this episode will be more enjoyable as well. 

Raine. yes? Shall we dive into the episode! We shall! We start with the fic.

Intro to Fic

Chasing Summer Skies is celebrating its 5th year anniversary since it was first posted. Congratulations on that Raine! Chasing Summer Skies is an ongoing, currently at the point of recording it has 11k words in 3 chapters on ao3. For those eager to go through the fic, it is complete as a tweetfic on Raine’s twitter account, rainepaige08.

I think what is really precious about moving tweetfics to ao3 is that there seems to be more flexibility and leeway for there to be commentary on the setting, premise and perspectives. Mainly because of the word limit on each tweet, you are sort of confined to the few sentences. So first question of the evening, I would like to hear from you and your choice of transferring your Chasing Summer Skies to ao3. Why did you make the decision to move?

In the past, the decision was just to transfer it word per word from the tweetfic for me to have a copy of my story since it is hard to scroll on the app. But I tried to reread it and with the improvements on my writing over the course of 5 years, I realized there are scenes I could have written better hence why new narrations are added.

Indeed it is hard to scroll on the app. Fic reading becomes more satisfying and the storyline becomes more put together in full potential on ao3 as compared to it being as tweetfics. But being on the app does have its merits as well, especially in gaining reactions and ending each update on the thread with a cliffhanger that makes readers eager to read the next update.

Our first episode together you mentioned you’ve been writing since your first year in collage back in 2011. So that brings us to you writing for a good 13 years. Have any other of your fics been rewritten with an updated plot as well? 

A Familiar Face, which is the CEO AU, was also rewritten and new narrations were added but not to this extent. Maybe I just felt this itch when I am rereading the tweetfic after 5yrs that I want the scenes to be more vivid and their feelings to be expressed more.

Ah yes, Familiar Face, of course! 

As a reader, okay ill speak for myself, this fic is hard to forget. And to me it is very heartwarming to know that you still love it enough to rewrite scenes and breathe new and more life into it.

Let’s continue by talking about the tweetfic, the plot breakdown or the events that happened in the fic.

Raine, would you like to briefly talk a bit on the fic for those who may not be familiar?

Chasing Summer Skies is a story about Jongin, an event photographer and Kyungsoo, a wedding coordinator who met during Summer and had a summer love affair. However, what they didn’t know is that Jongin's girlfriend is Kyungsoo’s sister which he would eventually help plan the wedding.

What a premise to start with… by itself, even without knowing too much of the plot, you know it is gonna be angst and heartache. The question is how deep are we getting into it. More of that in a bit. 

So in the first few scenes, what brings our two lovers together?

It starts with Kyungsoo finding out that his room was double booked and now occupied. But suddenly a stranger approached him and by weird fate; it was the person staying in his room. The man introduced himself as Jongin and offered that they share the room instead. That’s the starting point of how they spent the summer together and got to know each other, to which they would eventually fall in love during the short trip. 

Pacing and Difference between the tweetfic n ao3

Things happen in the fic quite quickly, so much so that Kyungsoo asks himself, i quote:  “Could you fall in love with someone you only met for a week?” He knows the answer but just doesn't want to admit it. With that, will the pacing change now that you're moving it to ao3? Or maybe let me rephrase - generally what is the biggest thing that readers will see differently in this 5th year anniversary of Chasing Summer Skies?

The pacing of how they fell in love would still be fast, since I wanted the readers to doubt too if it was possible to genuinely fall in love with someone in just a few weeks. I like how it begs the question if it was just a spur of the moment thing or not. What the readers will see differently in this version is how Jongin’s and Kyungsoo’s connection were built. I mentioned in one of my posts that I want to build up their happy moments before the chaos would start. So, there would be additional scenes to watch out for. 

Okay good good we as readers do want to see more happy kaisoo moments. Even in the tweetfic we have happy moments in the beginning… but then after Kyungsoo’s return from the vacation, it drastically turns to, i quote what Min says in the very end of the fic that she saw the yearning, love and sadness combined when they would look at each other. 

Inspiration

Now having brought up Min, a question Raine, when you first thought of the fic, what was the very first relationship dynamic you had in mind or a scene that popped as inspiration in your head? Was it Jongin and Min’s relationship or the summer fling or could be neither of the options.

My first thought was “i want a kaisoo but one of them is in a relationship” so like an infidelity fic since I want to challenge myself to something more…controversial? questionable?. Since I think the plot of Infidelity is something that is being frowned upon until now. 

Next that I thought of is Min being Kyungsoo’s twin but I think there are already a lot of fics with that concept so I decided for her to be his sister instead. After that, I thought of a way for them to have a connection. I don’t want the connection that Kaisoo has to be on the summer trip so that’s when I thought of a videographer and an event coordinator and Kyungsoo being Min’s brother, she would definitely ask help plan her and Jongin’s wedding

Infidelity.

Min Kyungsoo’s twin? No, too many twins written. Someone very close to Kyungsoo.

Job connection

Min connection to Jongn

Connection to not be just as a summer fling

Kyungsoo be Min’s brother who happens to be a wedding planner for Min and Jongin’s wedding so that

Kyungsoo can still be in the picture

Similar question to the one I just asked on inspiration because I do want to know a bit more on your author’s choice. When you start a story, how much is already figured out? I will break this question into two sections, one for the tweetfic and one for the ao3 version. 

Inspiration - tweetfic (breakdown while writing for plot)

In our previous episode you mentioned that you had the start and ending in mind specifically for the CEO AU and this fic. As you were writing the tweetfic, what kind of outline did you have or were you exploring their backgrounds, relationship dynamics and oncoming conflicts at the same time as you write?

It was quite different from the CEO AU since I only have the start in mind and up until Chanyeol was introduced. I also have in mind what the ending is and the character’s relationship dynamics and major conflicts. but everything after that point, I would then gauge the reader’s reaction on the twitfic. Part of it was actually if the fic would still be a kaisoo end game or would it change to chansoo since there are a handful of readers that are question the flow of the story at the middle.

What was in mind was just the beginning of the fic to the first time Chanyeol was introduced. And the ending. Possible relationship dynamics and major conflicts. 

Because it was a tweetfic and there are live reactions, it is a good gauge of their feedback. There was a point where readers started to question if the fic was going to change to chansoo end game, which got some readers fired up and questioning. 

What were those relationship dynamics or conflicts that you prioritized to push the plot?

though i did get a lot of feedbacks from people, I still decided on a kaisoo ending. Another would be the decision to push through with Min and Jongin getting married. 

In the tweetfic version of Chasing Summer Skies, were there any specific moments you wanted to see expanded on or did you see potential generally throughout the fic that you thought could be explored in more detail?

What I noticed first is how little are Jongin’s pov on the fic so I wanted to build Jongin’s character at the start since I think that’s the portion I failed to expound on the tweetfic since it is mostly Kyungsoo’s pov. Wanted to expand on Jongin’s POV because there were a lot of negative views on Jongin. Did not to justice to why Jongin did certain things to kaisoo’s relationship because it was mainly Kyungsoo’s POV so there was no insights to Jongin’s actions.

We do indeed see more of Jongin’s POV already in the first chapter where he goes out for his run and admires Kyungsoo’s sleeping face. 

Another portion I wanted to expound on is chansoo’s relationship and the difference between Kyungsoo when he is with Jongin vs with Chanyeol. 

That is a lot of moments for us to discover, we are very excited for that.

Inspiration - ao3 (develop scrapped or new plot devices)

You did mention in our previous episode that you had the start and ending in mind but changed the scenes halfway and even scrapped some ideas. With you now transferring the fic on ao3, are you planning to develop all the scenes you scraped in the tweetfic or are there new points of the narrative you would like to bring to the readers? 

One scene I scraped which was added is Kyungsoo visiting Jongin’s workroom (this would be updated this week). It would give the readers a little backstory for Jongin and how he loves his work. 

Min “photography is a hobby” but as Kyungsoo visits Jongin in his workroom, readers get to see that Jongin genuinely loves his job.

When you mentioned you will be adding how readers will see Jongin loving his job and Kyungsoo witnessing it, I don't know why but a moment that comes to mind is a scene a week before the wedding. Min invites Kyungsoo to her birthday dinner where Jongin defends Kyungsoo against his homophobic father. Somehow thinking about the dinner scene, and hopefully when reading this new scene, we get to see how kaisoo are able to relate to each other on a very vulnerable level. They feel like they are both misunderstood and undervalued. Kyungsoo with his father’s disapproval and Min’s distaste towards Jongin’s work. 

Another new scene would be with chansoo since before I am scared of building up their part in the story since I know most of my readers have preference over kaisoo, but I feel like that scene would be essential to add. 

For the plot, I definitely do agree that chansoo moments are essential to add. Right now with the tweetfic it may seem like just kaisoo moments with a sprinkle of chansoo. The nature of this fic… it is heavy angst for kaisoo, it would definitely be nice to see more light hearted moments for chansoo to balance things out. Because we were hinted at the fact that chansoo do spend a lot of time together, so it is definitely important to add.

I will talk more about kaisoo vs other ships in fics on the next episode for the one year anniversary of the podcast because this is something I'm passionate about, basically championing for fic writers. But for now i would just like to say that it is sad to know that people have a strong preference for kaisoo so much so that they will not accept any other pairing… But it is for the plot… Having as you said, Raine wants to expound on the difference between Kyungsoo when he is with Jongin vs when he is with Chanyeol. Chansoo’s dynamics is dramatically significant to bring the plot forward. And it also makes kaisoo’s relationship all the more precious and important for Kyungsoo.

Impact

The things that happen between Kyungsoo’s return and Min’s passing, can be quite… distressing. Mainly because there are many times where we readers… okay for me at least, would want closure for Kyungsoo, but then a misstep happens. They fall back on each other, then they are back to square one again where Jongin is with Min and Kyungsoo is heartbroken. It is very anxiety inducing because how many times can his heart take this sting of rejection only to be met with desperation to want to love and be loved again? That is my feelings as a reader, but share with us how writing out these scenes impact you in any way? 

I can actually still recall how emotional I felt writing those scenes. and as a person who easily cries, yes I am crying while writing most of those scenes. I wanted the emotions to be felt through the words and I wanted the readers to feel the same frustration that Kyungsoo feels as his heart is being pushed and pulled and played over and over again. I want every heartache to feel raw and relatable.

You want every heartache to feel raw and relatable, Raine, what insights have you gained upon writing Chasing Summer Skies?

I learned from this fic that I love writing emotional scenes. Emotional struggle of the characters. I also started to build more complex characters like Jongin that there are reasons why people did what they did. 

I like that, the emotional struggle where there are complex human emotions. It is true to life. There are choices taken because of miscalculated steps and different priorities. 

People disagreed with what Jongin did, but I also learned to not be pressured by expectations of the readers and to stick to your end goal. 

The main struggle I had was with chansoo’s relationship. On the surface level they may seem happy, but if you dig deeper, we see that there are different types of love and you meet people at a certain part of your life to help you navigate through it. I think that is what Chanyeol is to Kyungsoo. He made Kyungsoo feel safe. He was the one who tried to push Kyungsoo forward when he was lost. 

But at the same time, you see Kyungsoo going back to Jongin over and over again and at some point Chanyeol realized that needed to be the one to put an end to their relationship. 

Chanyeol’s intention on sticking around Kyungsoo was to put a genuine smile back on Kyungsoo’s face. But I sometimes cannot believe that they almost got married, but again, as you said, different types of love. With Chanyeol it is always safe, but it was not the love that Kyungsoo wanted. Chanyeol needed to be the one to end things especially after it was confirmed through Baekhyun’s intervention that Kyungsoo does not love Chanyeol.

What scene are you most excited for readers to read? If you have, could you read to us listeners a snippet of it?

The extract i will be reading is the part of the wedding in Kyungsoo’s POV

The music played and Kyungsoo watched as Jongin walked towards where the officiant was.

Just one look. Just look at me once, Jongin, and it would be my cue to stop this. Please..

Kyungsoo told himself as the other entourage walked on the aisle. It was Min's turn and Kyungsoo fought the urge to look away as he saw Jongin smiling at his bride.

The ceremony started and the couple exchanged their vows, but Kyungsoo still waited.He still hoped for that sign. For that one glance from Jongin.

But it never came.

The ceremony was concluded and Jongin and Min are now announced as husband and wife.

But Kyungsoo still waited.

Until the reception, Kyungsoo's eyes never left Jongin. Even when Chanyeol checked if he's okay, he still stared at him. Hoping, still hoping, that Jongin would look his way. 

The reception was about to end with Min and Jongin leaving for their honeymoon.

Kyungsoo finally gave up.

He said thank you to his assistant and said sorry that he needs to leave the venue. He walked towards Chanyeol and tapped the man's shoulder. The musician looked at him and nodded as he already knew what it meant.

As Kyungsoo walked towards the hotel, he failed to see Jongin looking back at him before the man left.

One last look.

I want to repeat this line for my own sake because it is just devastating: Kyungsoo fought the urge to look away as he saw Jongin smiling at his bride.

A very definitive moment for Kyungsoo happens right before the extract you just read, where chansoo are in the hotel and Chanyeol comforts Kyungsoo by saying he does not have to be at the ceremony, but Kyungsoo persists on and says: "No. I want him to take that path while knowing I am there witnessing it. That even after knowing that it would shatter me, he would still do it."

That moment is an example of how their love is a love at the wrong time. 

Yea, and this happens after Kyungsoo’s proposal to: "Meet me at the airport at 4am tomorrow. I'll book a flight. I'll do anything. I'll find a way to escape."

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin's eyes and held his cheek as he added,

"Just say yes."

This is his final ace. The last card that Kyungsoo could gamble on.

Raine, what a line… what a moment, desperate but hopeful Kyungsoo… it is too hard to read. 

It shows that Kyungsoo did all that he can for Jongin to pick him… despite all that, Jongin still chose to be with Min. 

And hence Kyungsoo is persistently fighting the urge to look away from Jongin because he wants Jongin to take the path knowing that it will shatter Kyungsoo’s whole being. And Min knows that. Wait no she knew after they got married and when Kyungsoo left the country. When Jongin heard that Kyungsoo left, he broke down and told Min everything about their relationship. 

I just want to remind readers that Min understands why Kyungsoo wants to stop the wedding but she also knows that Kyungsoo will choose Min’s happiness because she is the only one that understands him in their family. 

Thank you for sharing, i think I speak for listening readers that we are very eager and excited to read that point in the narrative when it comes.

What is your favorite comment of all time, something you always think about when you're in a lull and unmotivated to write?

“It’s been quite some time since I last delved into the world of Kaisoo fanfiction, but recently, I stumbled upon this latest work of yours. As I immersed myself in your storytelling once again, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of nostalgia wash over me. Your writing still carries the same emotional depth and authenticity that first captivated me years ago.

Your fanfictions always hit me right in the feels, and reading this fanfic (eventho it’s an angst) made me miss Kaisoo even more. I just wanted to thank you for all the amazing stories you’ve shared over the years. You’ve got serious talent!”

Before we end things, dear Raine, do you have any other comments or running thoughts we did not cover today you want to share with us listeners?

It was really nice to be able to talk about this fic after 5 yrs as I think it was one of my hidden gems among those I wrote.

A fic that i always want to go back to when i need a good cry from life. 

Wow, an angsty fic as a comfort fic. But yea i do agree we need to cathartically express our feelings in reading a good fic that knows how to make us cry. 

Thank you for providing this platform to authors and artists to discuss their craft and our love for kaisoo. 

It is my greatest pleasure to be able to celebrate your mastery in this craft you have chosen to do. We share this joy together. 

Dear listener, the link to the author’s ao3 and twitter profile will be given below in the notes section. And with that ladies and gays and of the like, we have come to the end of today’s episode. 

Do keep a lookout for next month's episode because oh my! it will be the one year anniversary of the kaisoo fic podcast show! Can you believe that listeners… One year… im so touched, happy and relieved that people tune in and enjoy the show. Next month’s episode would be like a review of the past year’s episodes. 

New episodes either every 13th of the month or 12th and 14th, special kaisoo dates, of course.

To reach me, i am kaisooficdrunk on twitter and if you want you can drop me questions on my curious cat you can do so with the same username. There will also be another link that brings you to my tumblr blog with the transcription for today's episode. There you can also find the other scripts for other episodes as well.

Thank you for listening, have a good day, dear kaisooist, and we look forward to next month’s episode. Stay tuned.

[madxwonderland]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I really don't know if I have an OTP with Alice. I've shipped her with a few characters back in the day when I mostly RPed her on twitter. One of my favorites was her with Hatter from syfy's Alice.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

The biggest is probably angst and fluff. Alice is very reserved when it comes to romance but if someone can crack her then she is very devoted and loving. She is also very protective over those she cares about. Her ptsd and demisexuality make it hard for her to find any romantic prospects.

However she is always looking for friendships and other platonic relationships

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Probably no bigger than 5-10 years. 10 years would be pushing it. I personally don't get super uncomfortable with age gaps as long as both parties are over 21 and it's completely consensual. When the older party knew the younger when they were under 18 that's when I get uncomfortable.

Alice's personal preference probably won't go past 10 years older than her and she definitely wouldn't involve herself with anyone 18 or younger. She is 21 in all of my verses now.

Are you selective when shipping?

With Alice, I am probably more selective than any of my other muses. I ship chemistry but I am always open to exploring romance with her if she and the other person get along really well.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

With Alice I prefer to do a fade to black but will sometimes put it under a read more. It really just depends. But really once it goes past making out and the fourplay starts then I try to stick it under a read more or fade to black.

I don't do a whole lot of smut with Alice just because she rarely gets herself involves in such relationships.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

There has been a few that I would have threads with and think 'oh this would be cute if things went this direction' without anything going in a romantic direction. I don't want anyone to think that I'm throwing Alice at their muse intending to ship. But sometimes if I know the character then I have moments where I think them and Alice would be a cute couple.

But really no specific muse comes to mind at the moment

Does one have to ask to ship with you?,

You can ask if you like! Or we can just rp it out in a thread and build that chemistry. Either works for me!

How often do you like to ship?

I would love to have more ships with Alice! But like I said, it can be hard for her. It takes a lot of trust for her to open up in such a way. But I do really want my girl to fall in love.

Like I said earlier, I am also always wanting more platonic and familial ships with her as well!

Are you multiship?

Yep!

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Probably ship more or less with her? I like to focus on many different dynamics with Alice and shipping isn't my priority.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Sadly there really aren't a lot of ships in my fandom. To be fair most of the characters opposite of Alice are in her head. I've seen a lot of fan ships with Alice and Carpenter or Alice and the Cheshire cat in human form. But for me personally, all of the Wonderland occupants are like Alice's children more or less. They are just her companions. She doesn't see any of them in a romantic light.

The only other ship I ever see is Alice and Bumby and that one is disgusting and has no place on my blog.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Build up that chemistry in some threads, send in memes with a more shippy tone or if anything you can just ask if I can see anything going anywhere with our muses!

Tagged by: stole it from my other account

Tagging: i'm too lazy to tag. steal it.

[mylawcitrus]

About Threads

Interesting network.

I just made a wrong move. I thought "well, maybe I could join with my work account and try talking to people like I did on Twitter". I was presented with more and more hatred and mockery towards Musk, to a point where I was like "wait, if they can do this to him, what can they do to me?" and do I lost part of my respect for a few journalists and came to the conclusion that trends are a phenomenon, an illusion, not reality. At the same time, I did read, watch and consume content that was drawing criticism to the platform I once had as my home and all.

I started to share personal information, and maybe the facts that 1) I followed therapists and coaches; 2) I talked about mental health and literally showed my pills, played a role in my decision to delete the account.

There were some good things, but sometimes I looked back and thought "damn, shit's kinda hard lately isn't it?"

And so that makes me think of volume of posting, time on the screen, number of contacts... a lot of stuff. And it kinda, slightly makes me think that the AI stuff could help? But you have to have a mind for that. And I wanted to fight those people because they were banning porn.

And so Tumblr was "pivotal" in the decision to ban porn. But here I am, talking about like, "did you know that Chaturbate has videos tackling social anxiety" and I think it's valid, but I have to kinda reassess my WordPress blog. I usually write more seriously on there, in a traditional format (sometimes, following everything I ever learned from the academia and reading journalism), but if I have to pick a topic and debate it more seriously, I'll have to switch to long format. And I've already decided what issues need to be tackled, but I can't keep going on Substack cause I don't have the money to buy the books I wanna reference. I just kinda suggested an approach for a course in Media, that's pretty much it. The storytelling part was like, totally what made it interesting, but it's also where it's vulnerable.

So I don't know. I need a "filler".

I spent days rolling in bed waiting for a freaking Skype message... it's clear that I can't live like this. So I don't know, for sure something had to change but I'm wondering what kind of new habit can produce new contacts that I can actually trust (Tumblr people are pretty cool and I miss Mastodon a bit), because I don't think Facebook is appropriate for any of the discussions I wanna bring up. If someone in the family reads, they'll either ignore or completely rage over it, and there's nothing more pathetic than my family pissed off, believe me. They don't have legitimate reasons. They make shit up. I'm tired of talking about this without talking about this.

But you know, sometimes my family can be pretty supportive. And the friends I counted on leave me behind and talk behind my back...

So yeah, it's starting to feel like... I replaced Twitter with Tumblr and nobody has the patience. They already didn't, but like...

What a dead end, right? When I think that my brother has no idea I wrote this down I'm like "Jesus... things are not okay in this household" but actual Jesus would say "what's not okay is the things you've said to strangers" and I'm like... not again, man. Not again.

Cause if we don't collectively calm the fuck down, then how are we even gonna have conversations in the future? Remember what was happening? "I know where you live". -- brother... shit was going crazy. And now they wanna present so many ways to monetize video but we can't make friends, just do business. And fuck if we act like we have rights!

I know this was long, but just some stuff that I was thinking about.

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

[ ID: Tweet by Sarah who has the Palestine flag in name, handle is @Sarah_Hassan94 reads:

This is a major scandal for the Israeli army regarding its claim of finding weapons in Al-Shifa hospital.

The Israeli army posted a video on its English account showing weapons inside the MRI room at Al-Shifa hospital.

Then, they claimed to have found a laptop belonging to Hamas..thats where the scandal unfolded.

Initially, they displayed the laptop without a password, something that the mind finds hard to believe, since secretive Hamas would not leave it's laptops without passwords.

The bigger scandal is that the laptop had a photo of an Israeli soldier.

Do you know who she is? She is Ori Megidish, the same soldier whom the Israeli army claimed to have carried out a special operation to rescue. Later it turned out she wasn't even on the list of prisoners.

The Israeli army later corrected this grave error, edited the video, cut 20 seconds of the laptop footage, covered the laptop screen. They then reposted the video.

This proves their transfer of weapons to the hospital, filming the laptop scene and then they broadcast it but forgot to edit the video properly.

Then is a screenshot from the IDF forces official Twitter account that reads:" No cuts no edits just the undeniable truth. Watch as LTC(res.) Johnathan Conricus exposes the countless Hamas weapons IDF troops have uncovered in the Shifa Hospital's MRI Building. "Then the screenshot shows the next post has been deleted.

Attached video of this Tumblr post shows the removed video. It shows LTC(res.) Johnathan Conricus with the mentioned laptop from Al-Shifa hospital, saying:" Evidence. This is the Israeli private Megidish who was taken hostage my Hamas. She is home with her family because we were able to rescue her but this picture is on this computer. In addition to other interesting documents that will be processed and we will use them to continue our fight."

Norman Finkelstein handle @/normfinkelstein starts a thread that reads:

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT( all caps)

Patrick Kingsley writes in the NY Times that Israel "had yet to present much evidence" that al-Shifa contained a Hamas command and control center.

No you stupid fuck; it has yet to present ANY evidence.

Kingsley then writes that" An Israeli military spokesman said that the search of the hospital grounds would take time."

Hold on you stupid fuck; didn't Israel post videos of the precise location of the command and control center?

Didn't the Times report that Israel presented it with photographs of the clearly marked entranceway leading from inside Al Shifa to the command-and-control center?

Tweet by user handle babadookspinzoa reads: the IOF was seen bringing large boxes into Al Shifa hospital which they claimed were just hospital supplies( a joke since they just destroyed a lot of medical equipment) and now lo and behold they're showing guns they "found" inside. Like US police they create their own evidence.

Tweet by Sharyn Blum handle sleepyknave reads:" I know that when I- an Hebrew speaking occupation army-deliver medical supplies (TM) to a largely Arabic speaking hospital I always make sure to print off plenty of labels in English for each side of all of the crates so as to fully cover the actual labels on the boxes. For clarity." Attached is a picture of the so called medical supplies tweeted by the IDF. Large labels in English calling them as such cover each side.

Quds News Network official account tweets: Director of Al-Shifa says "The occupation forces kidnapped all the bodies that were in the morgues and in the streets, we do not know what they will do with them."

Eye On Palestine official account tweets: JUST NOW Al-Shifa. Emergency symbols are added.

Dr. Muhammad Abu-Salamiya from inside Al-Shifa hospital :

The occupation army is still storming the hospital departments including radiology, burns, maternity, emergency, surgery and others and it's tanks are surrounding us from all entrances, and there is no water even for drinking or food.

A short while ago, the occupation army took a number of bodies found in the hospital courtyard. As for the deceased patients, what they are still among the living and the occupation forces refuse to take them out.

The occupation stuck the main water line in the hospital yard, and the dialysis patients will certainly die and the bulldozers are digging tanks in addition to the bulldozing work they carried out in the yard. End ID]

OP has corrected in the comments that the calendar was from Al-Rantisi Children's Hospital is Gaza.

“A video posted directly by Israel's Defence Forces claimed that under the Al-Rantisi Children's Hospital in Gaza, it had found Hamas weapons and technology, as well as a "list of terrorist names" in Arabic, showing each agents' rota guarding Israeli hostages. However, a translation of the document shows it has no names -- in fact the only text on it shows a calendar of the days of the week.”

They need more time so that they could plant more “evidence” to “prove” Hamas as operating from there, even though they’ve already very clearly searched every inch of the place, causing the death of plenty of civilians.

This posted by the official IDF account by the way…

If Israel releases new footage of “look at the corpses of Israeli civilians!” (6 weeks later) Now we know where they got the bodies from

Israel has also killed 30 civilians here AND arrested any Palestinian journalists around the hospital before storming in. They specifically attacked the maternity and kidney wards as well.

This entire operation is a sham, and the only thing they have as proof are untouched Islamic books, a table of weapons that includes less weapons than the average American household, and a hanged poster with “Hamas militant names” (which ended up actually being a calendar in Arabic and the “Hamas names” are just the days of the week)

[bogkeep]

i talk a lot of shit about twitter, and it's my other main social media so i'm Allowed To!!!! however. i am feeling charitable today

twitter PROS:

- if you're actually interested in networking and opportunities, that's where the people are. it's a more public space. i am mutuals with some really cool people and i get most of my commissions through there.

- artist twitter is a thriving community!! there's designated hashtag posting days like portfolio day, women artists/nb artists/transmasc artists, drawing while black, and random art challenges and many other fun ways to discover and be discovered.

- muting and blocking functions that actually work! you can even turn off retweets from specific people on your feed if you only want their original posts!

- locking your account (or making a Secret Locked Side Account) is Quick Easy and Free

- there is good content on there. otherwise there wouldn't be so many screenshots of tweets on tumblr

- has not banned nsfw content as of yet

twitter CONS:

- all the cr*ptobros are there. oh god there's so many of them.

- all the celebrities are there too. there's also a bigger and bigger overlap with said cry*tobros.

- n*zis and t*rfs galore

- i was going to say "it's hell" but hell is empty and all the devils are on twitter

- everything happens so much.

- everything happens so much ALL THE TIME.

- as much as i enjoy artist side of twitter. if we have to debate whether or not using references is cheating one more time i am going to implode. every week there is a new art discourse. i am so sick of art takes and i studied art history for four years.

- the discourse cycle is unfortunately not exclusive to art twitter. every corner of twitter has its own set of discussions that it just feels the need to rehash on a regular basis, i'm sure. if you are a regular tweeter you will feel pressured and compelled to Add Your Take because it's the topic of the day and it feels weird to just ignore it and talk about other things. i'm not immune either! it's a hard life!

- tumblr is not the only site riddled with bad faith and poor reading comprehension. i'm pretty sure that's a curse upon every public space on the internet, and twitter is VERY public. also, tweets have a character limit, so if you want to say anything with any nuance at all, you're probably going to have to write a whole thread. know what else twitter has? a quote retweet function. the PERFECT way to take a statement out of context and recontextualize it. you can actually limit who replies to your tweets or turn off replies completely, but you cannot limit quote retweets.

- there's certain words that trigger bots to reply. if you say the word 'essay' uncensored, you'll immediately have five replies with "PAY FOR ESSAYS HERE!!!". or famously if you reply to art with "i want this on a t shirt" the print on demand sites pop up instantly.

- similarly, there's lots of shitheads who are not bots but don't have anything better to do with their life than to search for certain words and then harass anyone talking about these topics. i made an incredibly lukewarm tweet about t*rfs in like 2014 and immediately got some awful quote retweets. my friend said she wanted to punch t*rfs in 2017 and t*rfs mass reported her account until she got locked out of it. if your account isn't locked, you do actually have to be careful with what you tweet. i can't even make jokes about norwegian culture without getting some real weirdos in my mentions who are a litte TOO protective of Dear Precious White Scandinavian Culture

- if a tumblr post is good, it will circulate. it will be brought back every now and then. it will be immortalized in our museums and mausoleums. if a tweet is good, you will see it posted every couple months by different twitter users. not as memes, just plagiarism. i know Joke Credit isn't a big deal but it grinds my gears.

- you can see who other people follow, their follower counts, and their liked posts. terrible design really

- never meet your heroes

- this may be a pro for some, since it can Also be used for good: tweets can get Featured in news and articles or otherwise impact irl events. isn't it horrifying how much of a role twitter has on politics and things outside the internet sometimes? the only site using tumblr posts for anything is buzzfeed

- i'm so exhausted

IN CONCLUSION - different platforms are good for different things. twitter can be a genuinely useful tool. but also

twitter bad.

[burnedbyshoto]

hawks_littledove.mp3

— You’re an avid listener to NSFW ASMR artist Hawks. It’s just your luck that he’s offered to have phone sex with you.

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pairing: takami keigo (hawks) x fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, slight abuse of power/influence, phone sex, masturbation, degradation, praise, nsfw asmr artist!hawks

word count: 5,018

a/n: my keyboard is broken and i could actually cry. but hey, hawks do be sexy even tho I would never trust him with my life. also LOL this might be a call out to a lot of us, do not be offended or I will cry.

kinktober day 14 main kink: phone sex | kinktober masterlist

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Fantasizing about being in relationships with fictional characters was entirely healthy and normal.

That was something you believed to the core. It was fictional; thus, no one but you were to be hurt at the end of the day. The character, being fake, could never have an opinion because you must be real in order to have an opinion. So when you were between boyfriends, you discovered a new anime, and before you could stop yourself, you fell hard for a character.

It started as a mild obsession.

You had looked up fanart via google images, your heart warming when you saw the plethora of different fanart. The anime itself had been in circulation for a few years now, the manga for much longer, so the content was endless. Then google images wasn’t enough, and you began crossing into Twitter and Tumblr.

The fanart became better, more engrossing, and definitely much more NSFW. And then, one night during your endless rabbit hole down Tumblr after your daily search on Twitter, you stilled when seeing a new type of content.

⇒ grey fullbuster x reader

The obsession grew worse.

So much so that you had followed nearly five hundred self insert writers and artists on Tumblr, and maybe seven hundred artists, meta writers, and thread makers on twitter. But three months into consuming all the content you could find, you came across a new name that made you tilt your head.

Hawks Fierce Wings

It was a name that was being repeated and heavily talked about on both sites. It was an ASMR artist, apparently, and you frowned at the thought. You didn’t have anything against ASMR videos, but you weren’t exactly sure how to handle an anime ASMR artist. Were they cosplaying while making all those weird ASMR sounds? You really didn’t have any idea, but due to the immense boredom of your lazy day in, you decided to hell with it and tried out his most popular video.

It was simply entitled: Hawks is Jealous.

Did you have any idea as to who Hawks was? God, no, you didn’t. But if it was just some random cosplay he was going to do, you didn’t think it was going to matter. So as the only slightly educated ASMR listener, you never truly became invested when it was a thing; you slipped on your earbuds and pressed play.

The introduction screen faded into an illustrated picture of a slightly handsome man, and some calming yet tense music played in the background. You shifted, eyebrows drew as you waited for the ASMR session to begin, and when it did, you were not ready.

“I saw you walking around with that asshole today,” a voice practically growled in your ear, and you froze.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

For almost an entire hour, you sat glued to your sofa, your fingers digging into your lap as the jealous, spiteful words of this man named Hawks poured bitterly in your ear. His words were a near aggravated assault on you and definitely something you were beyond uncomfortable hearing from a stranger, but there was something about his voice that kept you there. Maybe it was the tenor of his tone or the way there was this sly, cunning scent to his words that he seemed to hide deep within his throat, but there was something that kept you there.

The second the passionate, heated kissing noises and heavy moans began to spill from his lips, you screeched, slamming your laptop closed as your cheeks pounded heavily.

Oh my god?!

It took a bit, but eventually, you were able to finish the audio and quickly figured out why he was an NSFW artist. You had never, ever heard a man eat a pussy fake or real as eagerly or vigorously as he did. Your hands were gripping the pants of your leggings, and your chest heaved.

Oh, motherfucking shit.

Finding out there were almost seventy other videos for you to still experience sent you scrambling for more, and eventually, you had to confess you were obsessed. Despite the anime fandoms you had discovered him for, Hawks seemed to be more famous for the content he created as himself. His real name was unknown by the looks of it, and he was only addressed as Hawks by his audience, something you caught on to quickly. So only after creating a new profile for his Youtube account, you made quick work of liking and commenting on every single of his already published seventy-eight nearly one hour and thirty-minute videos. 

Each one was different.

Each one filled with various roadmaps on how Hawks' scenarios would play out for you — the listener. When he used his own persona, he called the listener his little dove or his chicken nugget, sometimes his KFC thigh, or his shish kabob. 

You were glad at the very least he didn’t call you by any of those nicknames when pretending to fuck you at a speed only a “porn-is-my-only-education-on-porn” virgin teenage boy. You knew it wasn’t ideal, usually, but for some reason, it just worked. You commented on everything, read his summaries and thoughts on each video. Eventually, when you found yourself on his final, most recent video, you were ready to go a step further.

The Patreon app on your phone seemed jarringly out of place as you opened the app and subscribed yourself to Hawks' highest tiered option for the price of twenty USD.

And when you got your access to his page, you were immersed in more heavier, better content.

It was a goldmine in a sea of fools gold, and you absolutely went insane.

You weren’t sure if you were insane, needy, or just straight-up idiotic for scrolling to the very first Patreon post and indulging in the content Hawks created. 

There was a stark difference between the warnings alone between the Youtube videos and the Patreon posts. While the porn was readily accessible on Youtube, the kinkiest thing that ever happened in a video was a slight implication that Hawks had left the listener on a vibrator and fuckmachine as he went to go talk to the visiting neighbors.

It was a slight, tiny zone out and miss a detail, but one you had clung onto like an obsessed psycho and even commented on in your comment on the post. Of course, Hawks hadn’t responded, not that you had ever expected him to because all things considered, a video that was eight months old and hadn’t done that well, to begin with, didn’t seem like anything he would remember: notifications and all. 

But Patreon? Oh good, sweet, ravishing Patreon.

The very first video was of the following:

Stepbrother!Hawks fucks Stepsister!Listener in the stairwell during Christmas Dinner.

After praying and swearing to all the deities of the world that you were merely a person with a voice kink for this man and not, in fact, a perverted pseudo-incest worshiper, you clicked on it and began. It was downright sinful.

There were active voices whispered in the background as Hawks laughed about how fucking slutty you were for letting your brother fuck you like this. In the hallway, like a dog, where anyone in your joint family could walk out into. He laughed that you probably wanted it, how your wet ass pussy was greedily sucking him in, so how could you even begin to deny your lust for your brother.

You had to take a break five times during that audio.

Eventually, you do end up catching up.

Each video he had ever posted to your disposal, and most likely due to the different tier levels, you always commented on the videos. Even if it made you feel awkward for lusting over things months old, even if there were no other comments on the videos, which was much more common than you thought, you always commented and liked. It wasn’t anything ever crazy, you had seen the rarest comments bring a whole essay of analysis on why they loved it or the hating words, but you kept it simple.

Just something to keep Hawks spirits high without draining you even further of energy.

A simple: holy shit, that was hot as fucking hell!!!! you never disappoint me!!!

You never expected anything out of it; as a matter of fact, you had merely thought that you were doing the least by merely appreciating his creations when, one night, a few hours after you had gotten home. Your phone chimed with an alert.

Your mouth formed an ‘o’ in surprise; you hadn’t realized there was going to be a new release after he had just updated four days ago. Still, you popped in your earbuds and began the audio with a simple title.

i fuk ur stupid lil pus until u cri

He wasn’t precisely putting much effort into his titles these days, but his tags were definitely accurate and entirely explicit in what was to come. And in this newest video, the prominent tag was degradation.

You weren’t entirely into degradation, but still, you did what you had to do because you weren’t turned off by it. With the beginning sounds of the music playing in the background, you warped into the situation Hawks carefully carved.

But, oh?

Your face simmered with heat as Hawks dirty words dripped from the earbuds, the wet, squelching noise of your cunt and throat being fucked like some inanimate object made you soak through your panties as his disparaging words burned against your spine like a hot brand. After the thirty-minute audio was finished. Your body trembling with the aftershocks of an orgasm that had come despite the lack of actual stimulation of your clit, and you panted on your bed.

Opening your phone once again, you quickly liked the new audio and typed out your comment.

listen, i know i always comment about how fucking hot this shit is, but i have /never/ fucking soaked through my panties… you just did that and i expect a full refund for these panties 💦

You pressed send and, without so much of a second thought, continued your night. You had dinner, talked with friends, and ended the night curled back on the couch with a wine glass in your hand and a simple sit-com playing on the TV. The familiar sound of the Patreon alert rang in your ear, and you frowned, confused.

Grabbing your phone, you opened up the device and nearly shrieked at the sight of the information the notification that said:

Hawks F.W.: lets see those panties before i refund anything

A chill ran down your spine as you quickly put together the indications of this message, and you smirked, despite your quivering hands. 

Me: I have a seven inch dick requirement before seeing any of the goods — yes, that includes my panties

And from that very moment, you began a strange arrangement between you and the NSFW ASMR artist Hawks.

.

..

.

Working was the worst part of your life, you would say.

At work, you would sit in your small 4x4 cubicle, your shelves stacked with plenty of papers and items you needed, not to mention the computer that took up the majority of your desk. You weren’t quite sure what your job here was, you sort of sat at your desk and did meaningless assignments when assigned, but you did nothing for the most part. 

Before becoming an active Hawks stan, you would spend your time doing nothing playing video games. You had somehow managed to install a VPN onto your hard drive so that your employers wouldn’t be able to see what was on your screen outside of the home screen. They couldn’t trace what you did all day, but they could care less, given you got all your work completed on time and done in an over exceptional way.

But lately, since you had dropped into this… engrossed whore like relationship with Hawks, things changed. 

To be honest, it still shocks you to no end when he tells you that he had always been aware of you. Well, with your consistent, ever appearing comments on his posts and overall enthusiasm for everything he posted, it was hard to not be aware. The mental image of your soaked through panties after a long day at his own work had sent him over the edge, and he finally messaged you.

Through the DM’s in Patreon, the two of you grew to become quite the friends with benefits. He would send you countless personalized audio files because you had quickly confessed to your voice kink and how his voice sent your stomach into hormonal knots. In return, you’d send the picture of an occasional soaked panty, and if he was lucky, an audio clip of your pathetic whines back to his audios.

You couldn’t complain about this arrangement.

But as the number of his patrons doubled, and he wanted to entice his subscribers with paying him even more money, Hawks began to offer a bimonthly personalized five minute audios for his $20 tier. The fans poured into that spot, and Hawks and proudly sent you the new number of adoring fans he was getting. On account of growing platforms such as Tiktok, the number of new listeners he got was nearly exponential, as he currently passed one million followers last week. 

The cheeky bastard was also making enough money to stop working his regular work hours anymore. Choosing to transition slowly into his Patreon career while recording.

Hawks, however, seemed to have other ideas for your eventual personalized voice audio.

Hawks had simply asked if, by any chance, you were going to be working tomorrow the night before. Groaning loudly in recognition of your work schedule, you had texted him back that you were going to be working. Snidely including the fact that you weren’t rich like him, you needed the tedious old nine to five job.

Hawks: how utterly boring anyway u can b free around 2?

Me: Eh… probably not. Busy girl w busy schedule, ill be back from lunch so no break Why?

Hawks: well, u knw tht uve been amzing & th bst follower so i wanted 2 give u smthing better then the personalized audio

Me: Oh? Well, what is it?’

Hawks: pick up tmrw n find out

He had changed the subject immediately afterward by dodging all of your questions with ease. So you dropped it, and the two of you resumed a night of flirting. But now, sitting in your small cubicle, your eyes flashing to the clock that read 1:57 p.m., sweat began to build on your palm.

You peered down to your phone as you waited for something, anything from Hawks to show up. The fucker was too cheeky, evasive, and quick for his own good. You felt like pouting as you glared at the phone, waiting for the screen to light up.

And you stilled when finally, at precisely 1:59 p.m., your phone gleamed with light. You couldn’t abandon your computer mouse quicker than you did as you grabbed your phone, unlocking it, and reading the message from Hawks.

Hawks: do u have earbuds?

Me: Yes?

Hawks: good put them on n pick up

The moment you had read the first message, you were already pulling out your earbuds, synching them up to your phone, and placing them into your ear. But your jaw dropped when, for the first time, the call feature highlighted onto the screen, the time immediately changing to that of 2:00 p.m. The decline or accept button had never looked as daunting as it did right now.

Despite the call trying to go through, you still saw his follow up.

Hawks: if u dont pick up u wont get shit

[Accept]

You felt your heart hammering in your chest as both fear, apprehension, and excitement boiled through your veins, the hammering blood pounding in your ears as you waited for some sort of noise on the opposite side of the line.

“Little dove?” Hawks' voices filled your ears, and despite yourself, you smiled softly. The naturalness of his voice sends warm thumps down your spine.

“Hi, Hawks,” you whisper breathlessly, your head already checking to make sure your neighboring cubicle mates didn’t try to look over the divisions to stare at you. For the most part, the office building was quiet except for the phone calls, the clanking of computer keys, and the monotonous music playing softly on the speaker's head. 

“Whatcha doing?” he drawled, and you felt your skin heat up when you heard the all too familiar sound of his shoes hitting the top of his desk, the soft whine of his chair as he leaned back onto it. “Are you really at work?”

“What do you mean, am I really at work?” you squeaked, half horrified at the way the lazy, warm heat of lust was infiltrating your body at the sound of his voice, and the annoyance that he thought you had been lying? “Of course I am; it’s two p.m. on a Wednesday!”

“Ah, so little dove-chan is a raging pervert who engages in phone sex to bypass her long hours at work?” Hawks sighed his tone that of understanding and dismissal. You splutter. “You never fail to surprise me.”

“I do not do… that!” you stammer, your face feeling like hot cinders, your fingers and eyes double-checking to make sure that the audio was going to your earbuds and your earbuds only. You also couldn’t help the way your eyes swept around you, trying to make sure you hadn’t accidentally invited unwanted attention. “I said I was busy!”

“But, you picked up my call?”

“You said, or else!”

“Mmm, okay, I think I see,” Hawks tutted, and although you had never seen what you supposed to be his handsome face, you could imagine a lazy, toothy smirk on his face. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind using your little cubicle to talk you into fucking yourself good for me.”

Your jaw drops.

It hits the desk, and the muffled shriek of utter humiliation is only silenced because you bit onto your tongue like a rabid animal.

“Aw, you sound so excited for me already, little dove. I bet you want to know what I’m going to do to you, don’t you? I just know that I’m going to make you feel so... good…”

“Hawks!” you plea in a hushed whisper, your heart hammering where you sat frozen like a deer in headlights. Sure, you had definitely played his audios before to pass the time, but never before in your existence had you had actual phone sex. This was riskier than just listening to his audios; his audios always had a pattern, a way to escape from the madness of his voice when people were closer than you’d like. But this? No, there was no escape. “I’m at work! I c-can’t!”

“But, fuck, I want you so bad,” Hawks' voice dipped into a gravely tone, his voice just perfectly scratchy enough that your shoulders trembled in unspoken, untouched want. “I want to feel your cunt around my cock, baby, your pussy is so hot and I want to be the fucking lucky bastard that gets to fuck you through your bed.”

“O-Oh my god…”

“I’ve been thinking of what your tits look like,” Hawks continues on, his voice continuing in the style you liked the most. It was raw, heavy, and deep. No character impersonations, just him, pure Hawks. “I hope they bounce the way they do when I imagine you riding me. I want to see you moan when I kiss the underside of your tit, I want to see your face when you realize that you’re my girl, nobody's else's, but mine.”

Heat floods your panties at his words, your shallow breaths making him chuckle on the other end. 

“You’d be so lucky to be just mine, wouldn’t you, little dove?” Hawks snaps, his voice demanding a response, and you heave.

You look around, no one is near, and you croak out: “I’d be so lucky.”

“Louder.”

“I’d be so lucky.”

“Mm, there we go,” Hawks laughs, and your ears prickle for any noise that may indicate that someone was listening in. “What? Are you getting nervous that your needy ass will be heard by your coworkers right now? Answer me.”

“Mhmm,” you hum loudly, your cunt pulsing with more incredible heat and your hands shaking with a slight fear of being caught.

“Aww, don’t worry, little dove. I’m sure your boss will understand that you’re my newest fucktoy and will let me continue. Maybe they’ll want to join in?”

You whimper softly, shifting in your seat at that thought. You didn’t really want your boss coming anywhere near you, he was old and gross for one, and nothing could take the place of this beautiful man's voice in your ear right now.

“Oh, was that a no? You don’t want other people fucking you, do you, y/n? I bet you only want to have my cock in your tight little pussy, bet you want to watch the way that greedy little thing sucks me in, begging for my seed. Would you want me to cum deep inside you? You would like that little dove; you’d like to be full of my cum.”

“H-Hawks,” you keen as quietly as you can, your hips shifting uncomfortably in your seat, your heart hammering in your throat. The pressing heat in your cunt is growing, your panties growing with wet slick as Hawks' voice whispers down your ear, filling every empty and void space in your brain until you were having trouble focusing on the very much public spot you were in.

Hawks let out a soft, guttural moan, and you froze, face entirely combusting into an inferno as the familiar slick slapping of his fapping cock filled your ear. Immediately, you forgot everything.

“A-Are you—?!” you splutter, unable to find the words or the energy to come up with a way to ask if he was masturbating right now. Your eyes spun, your mind in a complete haze as soft, raunchy moans spilled from his lips, striking against your nerves and soul with each successive sound.

“I’m only trying to help you out here, dove,” Hawks growled, undoubtedly in effect to a rather loud smack of his fist colliding with his thrusting hip. “You’re the little office slut who picked up a phone call to entice in phone sex. I bet you knew exactly what I was going to do, and your pathetic, needy whore self caved to my instructions.”

Your fingers curled into the armrest of your chair.

“I bet this makes your boring ass job tolerable, the perfect distraction to a shit job, then imagining a few minutes of fucking yourself against my hard cock.”

“That’s not true!”

“No?” Hawks laughed, not believing you any more than you did. “So you wouldn’t hate it if I showed up and fucked you into the wall of your cubicle? You wouldn’t mind if I claimed your sweet-smelling pussy against your desk for everyone to hear? I know you can scream like a bitch in heat. I know that pretty little cunt of yours would milk my cock dry. Oh, I just know you would look so fucking sexy with your back arched, eyes closed, and you begging for hours just to cum. You wouldn’t cum without my permission, right?”

You gasped, heart fluttering, hammering in your chest as you shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak.

“I need a verbal answer, little dove.”

The heat in your core was blistering, your thighs shaking with your unadulterated lust and need as you ground into the cushion of your chair. All logic and moral long gone as he snarled and moaned your name in your ear, the slick of his fapping cock echoing like a great bell in your ear. You wanted to hear him cum, wanted to listen to the pithering sound of his echoing moans as he spilled the contents of his balls onto his hand — and how you wished it was your womb.

“I won’t cum w-without your permission!” you whispered, your skin shivering with your fear of being caught. 

“God, you sound like such a dirty fucking bitch. I bet your pussy is fucking soaked already. Bet you really want to run that slutty embarrassed finger against your clit but don’t want to be caught by your perverted coworkers,” Hawks hissed, his breaths turning into steady, heavy hot pants. You mewl softly, confirming his spoken thoughts, and he huffs out a laugh. “How many fingers do you normally shove up that pretty cunt of yours, little dove?”

“T-Three!” you gasp, your forehead pressing to the cool of your desk, your eyes glazed over and looking at the entrance of your cubicle, fervently wishing that no one tries to check on you as you grind against your stable chair. “O-Only three fit.”

“Fuck, you really do have a tight cunt, don’t you,” Hawks snaps, the wet sounds of his fisting hand around his cock a beautiful melody in your ear that makes you whine at the back of your throat. “Bet you can’t even fit cocks up your cunt without lube, huh. You gotta stay on top, or else you’ll get hurt with how thick and long my cock will be up that baby pussy of yours.”

“H-Hawks!” you grit out, the friction of grinding on the seat no longer working.

“Go to the bathroom, now,” Hawks commands, the small gasps on his voice from his approaching orgasm more than enough ammo for you to do as told.

You sprint to the bathroom, the slick of your cunt hot, and evident to you as you sped to the bathroom. Your phone clenched in your hand as you locked the door behind you, glad the room was empty. Barely managing to get yourself into the stall, the toilet paper placed on the seat as you raised your legs up, already prepared. The skirt you wore was bunched above your ass, and the panties you wore, stretching out around your knees.

“Sounds like you’re ready to start fucking that pussy for me,” Hawks laughs, but there's no humor, just bite. “Put in three fingers, now.”

Without even arguing or caring, three fingers slip into your cunt, and you cry at the feeling of your fingers completely stretching you out. The smell of sex and slick filling your nose as your fingers slick up, fucking your tight cunt as you moan louder and louder for Hawks. 

“God, your fucking pussy is so fucking wet, I can hear it from here!” Hawks moans, the frantic sound of his drilling hips gaining speed and momentum. 

“I want it to be you!” you moan, your face burning in your humiliation. “I want it to be you fucking my pussy, claiming me in this bathroom. I need you, Hawks, I want your cock so badly!”

“Fuck,” Hawks gasps, something tumbling in the background. “Such sweet words for a fucking dirty ass cumslut,” he growls, and your legs shake, your clit and cunt thrumming with your increasing arousal and pit of tightness in your core. 

“HAWKS, FUCK!” you sob as your hips try to start a merciless speed against your fingers, your body trying to match the speed in which Hawks was fucking his own hand.

“Keep screaming my name, whore.” Hawks gasps, his noises of pleasure beginning to grow louder and louder, your eyes crossing in satisfaction. “Screaming my name like the fucking slutty mess you are. All this shit just to get me to fuck you? God, you’re so fucking pathetic y/n. Begging for me, begging for more? I think you’re my favorite little dove ever, gonna make you mine whenever I get to fuck that pussy.”

“Hawks!” you wail his name again, your arms and pussy throbbing with the energy it takes to keep up with his inhumane speeds. Your vision seeing stars as you tremble more and more, your legs slipping from the toilet seat, yet. “I am your whore, your little dove. Please let me come, please! You fuck me so well, fucking hell, please, I needa cum, I needa cum!”

“Cum with me,” he snaps, his voice so deep, so dangerously smooth. It was precisely what you needed, the voice kink you had for his tenor exactly fulfilled entirely with that simple, last command. And just like that, your jaw slackens, head slamming backward, and pleasurable waves crash through you.

Your fingers still rock at your clit, and your vice gripped walls, your toes curling within your shoes as you soundlessly scream. Hawks, on the other end, is practically snarling, voice deep and altogether dangerous as grunt after grunt leaves him, and you can imagine the milk-white cum splattered all over his chest and hand. A beautiful, perfect sight that you wish you could see for yourself.

Exhaustion settles in your bones as you sit on the toilet, still entirely exhausted as you heave for air. 

“I think that was the best fucking orgasm I ever had,” you mumble, your eyes closed, not ready to stand up and move. “Thank you.”

“I’m good at what I… at what I do,” Hawks stumbles, husky exhaustion ringing in his own voice. “Now, little dove, finish up work, and I promise there’ll be a surprise waiting for you when you’re done.”

Not entirely agreeing, but not disagreeing with his command to go finish you last… two and a half hours at work, you begrudgingly said goodbye to Hawks before washing your hands and exiting the bathroom.

When five o’clock came, you watched as your phone screen lit up, and your face flushed as you read the DM from Hawks.

Hawks: this is my fav audio now ↳ hawks_littledove.mp3 but you surprised me today, so in case u ever want to have more fun sometime  call me 03-9183-2495 ;)