#i know this wasnt a targeted action

[davepaste]

ordering items from an AliExpress store, almost commit to the awful price, remember I wanted to add a cheap wooden handle, return to checkout, suddenly total is inflated an extra 40%

I'm glad to be saving money by not buying anything at all, but taking away the sale prices because I briefly left checkout is incredibly annoying. And also I don't get the thing I want

[laura1633]

Oh wow i have a serious problem i just went over what i wrote to you and i probably should have stopped at the first two sentences but it gets me upset the abuse lando faces i dont even like the guy i perfer oscar, max, charles and carlos but even i know that sending death threats to someone is not okay, and it upsets me that people almost always take his words out of context like when did lando say he actually had a chance at winning the wdc this year? I've seen people bash on him for the latest race where max raced incredibly, but what they dont seem to understand is that the race's terrible race conditions could have actually seriously injured him, we all seem to forget that the guy is younger then max, less experienced, and has huge problems with self-worth that actively seem to affect the way he race's. the fact that max won in the rust bucket that barely seemed to work in favor of the guy is incredable, but bashing on another driver for seemingly not wanting to take a chance with the awfull race conditions (*please note that this is what it looked like to me on what lando was doing that race where he did make mistakes but the weather wasnt helping ether* also note that that franco, oliver and others commented ether on the weather being dangerous, their cars 'Presumably the cars not agreeing with the weather ether', or the fact they couldnt see for shit and out right stated that someone should have a talk with the fia *i couldnt watch the whole race but ive seen snippets of driver radio's and the like, so i cant say with 100% certainty that this is correct*)

So yeah i think that, if i as someone who doesnt like lando, its really concerning what some people say about the guy and as a side note none of the other drivers seem to notice the hate from what ive seen but this last part might just be me. What are your thoughts on the hate lando's been getting seeming to increase anytime he seems to actually want to enjoy racing with the other more popular (equally popular?) Drivers?

🍑anon

Hi anon, 

That’s okay, I will respond to this ask rather than the previous one (but just for context for anyone else the previous ask was about fan fiction so wan’t anything mean). This ended up being a really lengthy answer because I have lots of thoughts!!! 

I’ll put the answer under the cut and tag as anti Lando despite this really just being my opinion and I personally don’t think I am being particularly harsh here but maybe people will disagree.

Firstly hopefully to most people it goes without saying that sending death threats is not okay, that goes for any of the drivers (and various other individuals that I have seen targeted over the past few years). I also have never understood people specifically going to an individual’s social media page just to spout negativity or abuse at them, if you don’t like someone you don’t need to follow them. 

However, I am surprised that people seem to be shocked that Lando is receiving hate online as this is absolutely nothing new and, if I am being honest, I have seen worse (not that this is a competition!).

I will speak from the perspective of being a Max supporter and say that the abuse he has received both online and at track has been appalling over the years. After Silverstone 2021 there were plenty of comments from people saying he ‘deserved’ such an awful crash or that they wished it had been worse. Even this year there were memes going around saying that maybe we needed a repeat of Silverstone 21 (a meme liked by Lando’s dad no less, not that I think we should be blaming children for their parent’s actions!). Not only that but there is rarely a week that goes by that I don’t see jokes online about how Jos is the only one that ‘can beat Max’ or people posting memes about Max being left at a gas station when he does badly. Max needed a bodyguard in Mexico last year because there were concerns over death threats, he’s been booed up on the podium, had people chanting cheat at him in the fan zone, every comment section on his social media includes comments telling him he is a cheat or that his achievements mean nothing. The British media are like vultures any time there is even a hint of controversy. I don’t know why everyone is suddenly up in arms about Lando receiving hate, perhaps its a case of only caring when it happens to ‘their’ driver. 

It doesn’t just happen to Max either. I don’t follow Lewis on social media but I still know the type or racist abuse he has faced over the years. Other drivers also receive abuse - Lance for example has vile things said about him, Nicholas Latifi was sent death threats after 2021. I am sure most if not every driver has experienced some level of hate. Social media can be extremely toxic. 

Do I think any of the drivers should have to deal with such toxicity? No, but Lando is nowhere near the only one to receive hate and I don’t think someone like Max who appears ‘strong’ should have to put up with things because people get the impression it doesn’t bother him.

Whether the other drivers notice, well probably they do but its not happening just to Lando. Did Lando realise how much toxicity was being thrown at Max after Austria or Mexico? Did he try and calm things with the media or did he double down and make things worse for Max? 

As for taking Lando’s words out of context. That definitely happens from time to time, the same as with any driver. Media goes for clickbait headlines and run with them. The problem is that Lando has also said things that haven’t been taken out of context and that people still find distasteful. The comments about it not being talent and being luck did not come across well. I was tempted to give him the benefit on that one and assume he was referring to himself and saying it was not him being untalented but unlucky but then he doubled down by saying nobody deserved to win the race more than George - how can I take that any other way other than the fact he was saying Max didn’t ‘deserve’ to win the race. 

As for Lando saying he thought he could win the WDC, if he didn’t think he could win it this year then to me that would be more of a concern. He has a championship winning car and has done for most the season, if he can’t win it now then when?! He should have been confident that he could win or at least put up a good fight. I would have had no problem with him openly saying he is going for the championship. Look at Charles who is not afraid to say that whilst it is still possible he is still fighting. I think part of the problem here lies with Mclaren because they should have been fully backing Lando and hyping him up but seemed to flip flop back and forth about whether they thought he was truly in the fight. It’s hardly going to give Lando confidence when his team don’t seem to be backing him as strongly as they could be. 

As for Brazil, Lando didn’t have a great race. George got past him at the start. He made too many errors. Charles finished in front of him despite starting behind him. Max, Esteban and Pierre took a risk staying out on those worn inters, they gambled on the fact the race would be red flagged but also on their abilities and confidence to keep the car on track under those conditions. They all did extremely well and deserved their podium spots. The most important thing though is that all the drivers came away without serious injuries because over the course of that weekend there were numerous occasions where entertainment was put over safety. If a driver felt they had to pit for safety reasons then I am glad they took that step.

Lando is younger than Max but I don’t think we need to baby him in terms of his racing or in terms of giving him a free pass with what he says in the media. He is 24 years old, the same age Max was when Max won his first championship under very intense pressure. 

I think you are correct about confidence or self worth affecting him. Whilst I wouldn't like to comment to much on his mentality, to me (and I don’t tend to watch too many of his interviews so I could be wrong) he seems to flop back and forth between being overly critical of himself and then also not taking accountability and saying someone else just had the fastest car or were lucky. I think it would be really good for him to be able to look as objectively as possible about where he has actually made mistakes and can improve but also being able to pick out the things he has done well and be proud of those things. 

Overall I don’t think any drivers should have to put up with the amount of hate that they have to put up with but Lando is not the only one to receive hate and, dare I say it, I don’t even think it has been as vicious as some of the things I have seen over the years. Social media is toxic and people should be more mindful and realise these are real people - all of them!! 

Also, once again lets be thankful that nobody was seriously hurt over the weekend and lets hope the Fia take steps to act more swiftly when safety cars and red flags are needed and that they put safety above other concerns.

[bunnyluvs-blog]

TXTs reaction to you pulling another members photocard

txt x reader fluff, silly short storys, slight angst in Taehyuns and suggestive in Huenings

Choi Soobin: He isnt one to get jealous really, well thats what he thought. Soobin was watching you open up your own Temptation Lullaby Version. Ripping the packaging open and flipping the first page when you both see the name Hueing Kai. Soobin wasnt upset per say, but he was just a little bit pouty because you didnt get his version. Going through the photobook and gushing over the solo poster you got, Soobin was breaking bad. Then you go to to see the photocard, and oh boy. You got the slightly older makane Taehyun. You turn to Soobin to show him the photocard before he gets up and puts on his shoes. "Soobin ? Where are you going love ?" you ask, your mind confused. "Target" he says sternly. "Why?" "Im getting you my version and my photocard" you couldnt help but giggle. He pouts, "Why are you laughing?" you calm down and pull him to you, kissing his cheek. "I dont need a photocard or a certain version, when i have the real one right here" He smiles, still with a small pouts and goes back onto the couch to cuddle you.

Choi Yeonjun: Opening up your Temptation Nightmare version you were so excited. You saw the photocards while looking online and dont tell your boyfriend, but you were dying for Soobins photocard. You look through the freebies, and you honestly really like the bookmark. 10/10 will use. After looking through the photobook and all of that, you get to the photocard. AND YOU GOT SOOBIN. You let out a little happy noise. You put him in a photocard sleeve and plop him on your desk. Later that night Yeonjun comes home, planting a kiss on your lips and telling you hes going to take a shower. He walks into yalls bedroom to head to the bathroom when he sees his blonde haired leader sitting on your desk. He grabs it and walks over to you. "What is this?" he asked not really looking for an answer. "Erm, a Soobin photocard?" you respond looking at him weirdly. "Erm" he mimics, "Why isnt it me" You hold back a giggle at his actions. "Well maybe if you guys put more then one photocard in each album i wouldve gotten you" You say and he glares. "Fair." He turns and goes to the restroom. You know he isn't actually mad but will act like it after his shower to get some cuddles.

Choi Beomgyu: He was so so so pouty. You pulled Huening Kai which did not make Beomgyu happy. You put the photocard in your holder on your purse, and Beomgyu goes off. "WHAT" you glace at him. Very confused. "Why is huening on your bag and not meeeee" He clings to you and pouts, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. "Because i always put my newest photocard on my bag?" "Nooo you always put me on your bag" The last few albums you have gotten have been Txt albums, which lucky for Beomgyu, you've pulled him. But his luck has run out and the tall baby of his group is doing his iconic peace sign pose on your bag. You finally calm him down and you go to get ready for bed, little do you know. Beomgyu was putting in his photocard on your bag and taking Huening and putting him in your collection. Beomgyu didnt care about how you would yell at him about it in the morning, because at least he would 'be' with you through the day.

Kang Taehyun: He wasnt jealous at all. He knows how much you love him and no silly photo of one of his group mates was going to change that. Ok well maybe he was a little bit jealous over the fact of how much you were smiling when you pulled Taehyuns oldest member Yeonjun. It was a good picture of him no doubt about that. And the fact you were smiling so much about pulling him made he do a double take on who your bias was. It was him right? "Why are you so happy? Is Yeonjun your bias now?" He ask, not upset but with a light chuckle to maybe hide the fact he was hoping you would come cuddle him and smile at him 2x as bright. "Im ot5 !!" Owie, hearing he wasn't your bias made him a little bit sad. Your poor baby just wanted to be your favorite in everything. He knows it wasn't a big deal but why did it sting. You saw your boyfriends playful smile turning into a sad one just like that. "Butttttt if i had to pick it would be you, your so handsome and talented, your voice is good for so many things and I love how you use it when you sing." You say putting down the album and pulling Taehyun close to you snuggling into his chest. He wraps his arms around you and kisses your head. "I bet if he saw you he would think you're really cool too babe" You let out a giggle at his words before kissing Taehyuns lips softly and putting the goodies away.

Huening Kai: If any of the members were pouting before Huening throws it out of the park. He watched you open your album, showing off everything like you're in a YouTube unboxing video. Huening was all smiles until you got the the photocard. He was hoping that you got him, he honestly really liked how his photos came out. Everything was fun and games until Beomgyu showed up in your hand. "Ohh baby look I got gyu !!" You showed off the photocard not realizing that your boyfriend was pouting, like a little baby. Hybe was not on his nice side today for giving him the album with the wrong photocard. "Pfft you got gyu and not me!! Mine was better" you're boyfriend said trying to convince you to get another album to get his photocard. You smirked at him playfully "But I like gyuuies photocard, he looks good" "Yea well not as good as me !!" His pout only got worse as you teased him. And at the end of the day you would have to pay for it later but that wasn't on your mind now. "I should put him in a case front and center" you joked and Huening was hurt. "NOOOO HES GONNA REPLACE ME" he slightly yelled out, clinging onto you to hold you in place. You couldn't help but laugh. He was so cute when he was pouty. In the end you had to pinky promise him you weren't gonna swap the photocard and just put the new one with the rest. Which left you a happy boyfriend and a sore back the next day.

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

Abuse in 'Runaway Max': A Stranger Things criticism

One thing I know to keep in mind is that the book is told from Max’s perspective, so it's her eyes we experience the world from, and her opinions that guide us through the story. For that we have to value her as a somewhat unreliable narrator, considering she is thirteen at the time and dosnt understand certain things.

A quick timeline to keep in mind because the book handles time very messily:

Billy has just turned 17 by the time Max and Billy first meet.

After Halloween in season 2, Max says she’s known Billy for 7 months, which takes us back to early May.

They move in together three weeks after the wedding in late June, meaning Max and Billy have lived together for a total of 5 months by the time they get to Hawkins.

Neil confiscates Billy's car keys for two months in June, so I’ve taken an educated guess that Max first witnesses Neil's abuse somewhere around august, then in September/October Billy breaks Max’s friends arm, leaving for Hawkins late October.

Now onto the deep dive:

In 'Runaway Max', we learn about the terrible Hargrove family dynamic, and how the Mayfield's learn to navigate that. Max gets a very graphic front row seat of Billy's abuse in chapter 10, and during that chapter Max responds to that situation as any 13 year old would, scared and confused. Despite this however, Billy's image doesn't change in Max’s mind. She has no visible compassion for Billy at any point of the book except from this chapter, and after that she states that she’s actively trying not to care about “his stupid life and his cruel dad”. 

From a writing standpoint, choosing this to be a part of Max’s character takes away from her complex experiences in an abusive household. Yes Max is a hardened character, but not exploring these difficult topics of disliking Billy while also feeling sorry for him makes her feel like just another pawn for the audience to make them dislike Billy. The writers could have made the step-siblings dynamic much more interesting to have them navigate this terrifying experience together. But I understand the duffers just wanted another one dimensional antagonist for season 2.

"I'd watched the Hargroves in action. Neil standing over billy with the belt - calling me a stupid little girl - making it clear that he thought I was weak and pointless. Knowing Neil believed that still wasnt as bad as the way Billy had hated me for trying to help him"

I have mixed feelings about this. I feel this description Max gives dutiful to anyone going through that situation, that they would feel disheartened by someone rejecting their help, and verbally berating them for it. However, it’s vitally important to understand the context of Why Billy reacts to Max this way.

During the assault on Billy that Max witnesses, Max calls out and interrupts Neil, trying to diffuse the situation. Neil responds not to Max, but to Billy “Is this the son I raised? A worthless loser who needs a little girl to fight his battles for him?” And then strikes billy again. 

Max assumes this to be an attack on her, however that's not what's happening at all. Neil is using Max against Billy. He takes Max’s intervention as a sign of Billy's own weakness, a softness. “Any hint of softness and he would never let me forget” In a way Billy had been trying to teach Max to harden herself so that Neil couldn't find anything to target her for, Billy had been making her more likeable for Neil. And now this softness that Max is showing for Billy, by standing up for him, is getting him punished. It’s been implied before that this was the case, but now we are seeing it explicitly that Billy is being punished for Max’s actions. This chain reaction forces Billy into a position where he cannot be on Maxes side, he cannot be friends with Max, because siding with anyone other than his father equals punishment.

After Neil leaves, we circle back round to the sentence “Sometimes Billy acted like we were in on some big, crucial secret together / like we were in some sort of secret club together - like we could be on the same team” Billy had been trying to tell her from the beginning, they were both members of a club trying to navigate life with Neil Hargrove, bonded by shared experience. They were supposed to be on the same team too, victims of Neil, but Neil has made that impossible by using Max against Billy. ��I could see all the ways he hated me” Neil isolates one from the other, Billy resents Max for getting him hurt, and Max resents Billy for rejecting her.

During most of the sections of the book that happen in Hawkins, Max continues to call Billy a “Monster”. However, never Neil. It’s not untrue that Billy has a mean streak, he can be cruel and heartless, most notably when he breaks the arm of one of Max’s friends. The only time this level of violence is seen in Hawkins is during the fight with Steve.

Both of these big outbursts of rage are built up by attacks from Neil. Note: Billy is still an asshole, these are not excuses for his actions only explanations.

Yes, there are two occasions in which Billy grabs hold of Max’s arm, but there is an argument to be made that this is just normal sibling behaviour. Have you never pushed or shoved your sibling before, or been on the receiving end of that physicality. It’s not always pleasant, but it’s not uncommon for siblings to get physical during disagreements. Max is also only distressed by this on the first occasion, “He caught me by the arm, and it wasn't the first time he’s ever touched me, but other times had always been to push me out of the way in the kitchen or flick me on the end of my nose. This time, his fingers closed hard around my elbow” - however the second and last time goes like this “He reached out fast and caught me by the wrist”. Those are the only times Billy is ever physical with Max.

Despite this, Billy is still the monster. “Billy was the closest thing to one that I had ever known - this was what it meant to live with the monster.” Monster singular. Billy is the most terrible thing living in the Hargrove home, not the man who beats his son.

Personally I find something off putting with Max ranking Billy as a worse monster than Neil. During the night at the byers she says "I understood now that Neil was in his head, and that meant he was just as dangerous as his father. Worse because Neil was cruel and frightening but he cared how things looked on the outside. Billy was crazy" Max isn't stupid, she knows Neil is a bad person, and maybe from Maxes point of view Billy is worse than Neil because Neil hasn't ever physically hurt her. But from a writer's point of view, to say that the victim is worse than the abuser? That is both dangerous and honestly disgusting. To call Billy crazy, and insinuate that he’s acting like a ‘bad victim’ because he doesn't pretend that everything is normal is so hurtful to victims of abuse who see themselves in Billy. 

Continuing this thought, Max then goes on to compare Billy to a recently possessed Will. Which, first off, comparing abuse is never okay. But what Max says is almost worse, "Will had turned into something terrible and frightening, but even with the mind flayer working through him, he was trying not to let it. He'd almost gotten us killed, but you couldn't blame him because he didn't ask for this. He was trying so hard to stop it" Is the author trying to say that Billy should try harder to not let the abuse he has been experiencing at the hands of his father since before he was ten, affect him? Because if Brenna Yovanoff is using Will as a ‘good’ example of a victim of parental abuse, and using him to discount Billy's own experiences, then I’m sorry but who let this book go to print?

Obviously as a character Max choosing this comparison means very little to her because she doesn't know about Lonnie, but the writers do. Comparing Billy to will is a choice.

Billy and will have both experienced abuse from their fathers. Will is on one side of the spectrum of victims, quiet, timid and apologetic. Billy is on the opposite end of that spectrum, his experiences have hardened him, made him angry about what's happening to him. Billy isn't quiet, he’s an asshole and he has issues with authority, but the one thing that sets Billy and Will apart is the fact that Billy is still experiencing that abuse.

Will is a survivor, Billy isn't.

To imply that "you can't blame Will because he didn't ask for it", but it’s okay to blame Billy, does that mean we are supposed to think Billy is asking for it?

There are choices writers make in the information they reveal to their readers, the phrasing that is used and the comparisons they make. It speaks volumes that while Will is praised for his experiences and bravery with his dad, Billy is called a monster for acting out because of those same experiences.

I mean, tell me you're a writer who doesn't understand the complex reactions to abuse without telling me you only care about “good” reactions to abuse.

[cemitadepollo]

The wound in my heart that never closed is a result of online smear campaigns and backlash I faced when I was younger. I wasnt even like, famous famous, no one would know me outside a very very niche specific spanish speaking internet circle and even then it was like 100 people who saw what happened and like maybe 12 people where directly involved against me. 12 people is little on paper but imagine the social impact it had on 12/13 year old me. Now imagine how people that deal with a bigger audience feel.

I am almost 19 years old now and I still feel like I need to prove my honest and well intentions to everyone around me. I feel like I need to tell everyone every little thing that I do to be some sort of "transparent figure". I'm paranoid that most of the people that I love around me could turn on me. If someone is doing anything harmful it's not wrong to call them out, but there's a way to do things, and exposing them out for them to be eaten away by the world is NO way or helping someone improve and reflect.

And the worst part is that I'm fresh out of high school and it happened again but in real life and I hate that people would ruin someone's mental stability over things they're not even sure about. "She just uses people" how could you know??? How could you know that random stranger you have never had an actual conversation with, let alone know, has bad intentions??? Both in person or in the internet.

I hate cancel culture. I hate video essays made on individuals for petty reasons. I hate making someone a target and making them look like monsters instead of trying to privately handle the issue. I hate kiwifarms, I hate 4chan, I hate the way we choose "lolcows" and I hate the way normal people get harassed into fame and it justs keeps coming back. It's not fair.

Where is nuance?? Where is the compassion?? If you dont have proof of something then don't smear it all over the place and make someone look like a danger to others. Make yourself responsible for your actions and for what comes out of your mouth (or what you type and post around). Be honest with yourself; you dont want justice, you just want a reason to speak shit of and be rude to someone you dont know for no reason, youre not being moral or rigtheous, youre just a cruel person who thinks they have the right to "push back" when nobody did anything wrong to begin with.

[thefirstlioveyou]

“mike wasnt a bad boyfriend/friend!” i agree he isn’t a bad person, but i also think its actually okay to admit he fucked up a few times - as someone with a preference for mike. i actually think it’s important for characters to make mistakes, contrary to what a lot of people think for some reason loolll

he’s breaking the moral code he’s emphasized the entire show; he is actively lying. he isn’t perfect, why do you think he’s complex (if the writers do him justice in s5, but things seem good right now)? because he’s depressed? 😭 no! he’s doing something wrong but for an understanable reason a lot of the audience (at least the part that dissect him like a little creature) can resonate with - that’s what makes him complex.

humans aren’t perfect; they’re confusing and constantly changing and questioning themselves. people respond to these moments of confusion differently. in mike’s case, he lashes out on people and avoids accountability for what he really feels and projects it onto others. but you get why he does it. he doesn’t do it maliciously. he does it because he’s scared and lost.

hopper quite literally sees right through mike’s breakdown in s2. it wasn’t a tantrum - it was just pain he’d been harbouring. he knows what it’s like to lose somebody and the guilt and confusion it comes with. despite the punching and kicking, hopper managed to find what mike really wants in that moment; it’s to finally let out what he feels because he never actually can.

we see a similar reaction in s1 when he destroys the little tent el was in. he deals with his pain with anger and blaming others, putting a target somewhere else because it’s easier to do that than deal with the feelings.

other times where he didn’t use physical violence but still blamed others instead of speaking his truth:

- mike and will fight s3; “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls … did you really think we’d be in our basement forever and never get girlfriends?” 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

- mike and will fight s4; “maybe you should’ve reached out more … why am i the bad guy?” 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

- mike and el fight s4; “you can’t let those mouthbreathers destroy you, destroy us!” when the topic was about his actions, not her bullies

- mike, el and max fight s3; “[max’s] corrupting her!” or something like that, i forgot honestly 😭 but he blames her for what he did

as you can see, mike clearly has an issue. and it’s ok to admit that. stop trying to make him into something he’s not. he isn’t perfect. he never will be and that’s what makes him a great character. s5 is going to do him justice, trust. he just… has a few things to confess he hasn’t yet to bring all these flaws to a complete circle… :)

[youtube-arc]

What made you love smg3? :p

And how are u today? ^^

Oh, hi anon, I'm fine! Today is being a slow and lazy day, which is good after a train wreck of a week I had lmao

About 3...well, SMG3 wasnt my favorite character at first, I enjoyed him, he was goofy, silly and funny, basically a Team Rocket-esque villain, a trope I always liked; but he was not my favorite

(Also, he is my brother's favorite, so he made me watch all eps 3 appeared lmao)

Well, when the Classic Era ended, 3 started to appear less, but his schemes were more...evil, I would say, things like Mad Mario non ironically took me off guard and all, and I was intrigued: the series was getting more serious, and now it had the arcs..I wondered if he was also getting serious

Well, when I watched Mario's Spicy Day for the first time, I was 100% sure: the team was taking this cartoony ass villain seriously...and they just gave him the most intersting backstory possible

3's backstory is probably what made me put him as my favorite in the first moment; is so intersting to rethink every single interaction he and 4 with the fact that 3 always envied 4, since they were in college

Literally everything made sense now that we knew that...and the way he told all of it...god, its amazing, Mario's Spicy Day changed the way I see the series forever

As my url implies, I LOVE The Youtube Arc, and 3 is probably the main reason why; his presence, his lines, his plans, everything about him is perfect...and I couldnt bring myself to hate or cheer against him...he wsd an amazing villain, and you could see that he could do better, he WANTED to do better; even if his actions were kinda drastic and targeted, I thought he was more like Waluigi and Bob than Francis, you know what I mean?

And he came back as the Dead Meme Lord and we saw his relationship with 4 and Mario evolve, and his connections with both of them be explored and stabilished as fate...gosh, I started to like him even more, and wanted to see more of him

As part of those cool things, I really love how grumpy, moody, silly, and smart and gay he is...and hes also a tsundere, I have always liked tsunderes

He is funny and cool as hell, I like how contradictory and yet cohesive his character has being, and I love studing him and thinking about his personality and stuff..Did you know that he always putted fancy hats in creatures he wanted to keep as a pet? isnt this guy a delight?

Anyway, I hope you can understand it aisduhuiasdh I just wrote with my heart and all

I love this gay guy I hope he explodes /pos

[aesrot]

Feel free to delete this, but I remember you saying that you liked Sonadow (I think that’s the ship name?). Anyway this is your invitation to infodump about them as much as you want. Also if you want to give fanfic recommendations I just might read them <3.

GIGGLES you shouldnt have said this >:3

idek what i could talk abt bc at the same times theres a LOT but also, despite me being mostly caught up game lore wise, i still dont feel like i have a good enough understanding of the characters, i'll probably only feel that when im caught up w the comics. which,,, will take me a good while to get through (just the archie comics are like over 500 issues long lol)

BUT. hmm what could i say that doesnt really require much prior knowledge...

ig, as every ship i ever ship, i see them more as queer platonic, sonic gives me the strongest aroace vibes, so i feel like his love for shadow wouldnt take a much different shape than his love for his other friends. but their connection goes a lil further to me, bc, when it comes to certain stuff, i feel like they're the only ones who can understand each other. and shadow... my dearest little guy... he represses a lot. his life experience wasnt. the best. i dont think he got that many opportunities to explore his own emotions, he probably cant even name a bunch of his emotions, its just easier to lash out, thats smth he's used to. he knows violence, it feels safer, he knows that dance.

and its because sonic has his fair share of violent background (aka, took up the role of a hero since he was way too young) that i feel like he is one of the few who can read shadow much easier than anyone else. hell, sonic himself is kinda knee deep in some repression (in my own understanding of his character). obvs most of this is bc its a franchise that targets kids, they wont get wild w the angst, but my boy sonic be out there fighting all the time and takes on a responsibility that shouldnt be his, the consequences of his actions can be catastrophic sometimes (once again asking everyone to watch sonic prime <3333 so much angst potential, im not normal abt it), and even when things go wrong, he jut smiles and powers through it. just think this for a second. god. imagine the amount of times he pushed himself beyond his limitations for the sake of others, how many times he pretended to be fine....

and yet. despite all that, they are terrible with communicating to each other, so things get physical often (as in fighting, not sexual, which makes it even gayer to me <3), and sigh. not surprising. put two stupid traumatised hogs in the same room and they'll either zoom around trying to race each other or they'll try to tear each others throat bc they just cant be normal together. ig thats how they communicate, go figures lol

my thoughts are all over the place atm so its hard to make this coherent <- my thoughts abt them are usually just violently screaming and sobbing. im sooo normal abt them. cant get much deeper than this without getting into the Lore, but yeah, ig this is smth

and oh, abt fanfics, hmmm i dont have that many that you could read without any background, but i did just finish this one shots collection thats very sweet and pretty chill to read without much prior knowledge, its mostly just a bunch of fluffy sick fics and them exploring their own feelings.

[reverberation-ensemble]

i feel like elena represents some of the more complicated issues in the reverberation ensemble tbh

obviously shes a bloodfiend and she needs blood from living things ( most of her targets are humans ) to survive , and even if her actions were sinister or unnecessary ( like building an entire hideout inside of the citys sewage with human interiors ) i dont think she was 100 % wrong for mostly going after humans . however how she handled that is debatable

i dont think there are many non human organisms in the city ( saying this instead of " animals " because the crabs [something we consider animals] are referred to as Organisms in limbus , though maybe animal & organism is interchangable ? ) and she admits that the skin , bone & organ is not what shes looking for , but instead the flesh & blood of the organism .

i also dont expect her to find a place that just so happens to be giving out blood donations & be able to make sufficient enough funds without starving or dehydrating herself , ( even if they were able to survive without blood , iirc for bloodfiends theyre mostly impulsive & have an unquenchable thirst specifically For blood ) . elena says shes a victim solely because shes a bloodfiend , which , shes not a victim of roland directly for that ( despite blaming him for certain things ) .

she is a victim of the city , she lacked any kind of help she could turn to so she turned to worse choices , while she couldve easily stuck to the backstreets to target her victims , the people there were probably malnourished & mostly boney , so she had people kidnapped from the nest instead . the problem arrives when she brags about her kill count to roland & angelica : 4172 . she absolutely did not need to do this , she speaks as if what shes doing is barely a problem or even honourable , it doesnt come off as someone who was starving and felt like it was the only right thing to do .

i know earlier i said she wasnt 100 % wrong for certain things , but she also isnt … right about certain things . while she did use part of her targets for food she also used their veins for decoration , she felt almost nothing towards them , she only saw them as prey to catch & kill . obviously shes dehumanizing her victims , but shes not human herself . shes a humanoid bloodfiend . maybe you could argue that she should be held up to the moral standards of a human because she can think & act like one , but i dont think thats entirely true . shes animalistic in a way , she has certain uncontrollable urges & needs that a human wouldnt .

regardless , shes still not entirely a " victim " of roland but she places the blame on him since he bested her a major fight few years back . she was a victim of the way the city treated her maybe earlier in her life , but her actions arent really justifiable when she gets to the point where shes flat out bragging that she killed over 4000 people . the system failed her as a bloodfiend but she failed to find a better solution .

but all of this is kinda weird when you take into consideration that the discrimination elena faced for being a bloodfiend is an allegory for racism , ofcourse i know that fiction & reality arent comparable in certain cases ( like roland being forgiven or let off by someone who wasnt even harmed by his past extreme actions ) , but i guess its itchy to think about for me especially considering who i am & what ive experienced . elena is someone whos obviously went down the wrong path due to the discrimination she faced but a lot of her issues didnt even come directly from the racism she faced as a bloodfiend , i dont like to think that shes using it as an excuse or mask but instead that she doesnt realize the full extent of what shes done is awful . ofcourse shes not excused of her actions because of that though .

TL;DR shes practically morally grey but mostly leaning towards just being kind of " evil " , some things she does are straight up awful but some things are just the result of her being chased into a corner . this entire txt was just the result of me being really passionate about her character , i dont know if i fucked up inbetween the paragraphs ( i was constantly finding a way to close this up without leaving any loose ends ) but i think its mostly fine ? im really tired it was like 9pm when i started writing this . as if now its like 10 : 23pm , ive revised the past paragraphs a little to make sure things actually make sense so i think im done . feel free to tell me what you think .

[syrupspinner]

steam next fest 3 the finale maybe

i have recently become much less confident that nextfest is all one word, also

yeah, its missing some pizzaz, like music and sfx work, but the devs are pretty open about it being early so ill look past it. the gimmick itsself is fun! its simple and straightforward in a good way, and i like how it iterates on runs. the good items taking up more physical space and getting burried in your deck is a really good expression of balance. good little roguelike! wishlisted and played for way longer than i thought i would

straight up couldnt get this one to work. no buttons or keys do shit. i unplugged my controller, relaunched it, a bunch of stuff, still stuck on the first screen. shame, i was really looking forward to giving it a shot

this is a good demo! it does a good job at presenting the game and letting you know what its all about. i got the basics really solidly, and i see how the additional environments would iterate on the core gameplay loop. i dont think this ones for me, it seems a bit too sandboxy and score-based for me, but i recognize that this is a well made game and i think itll be really enjoyable for its target audience. check it out if you like simulator/management things, or if you want to try the genre out!

okay, just finished the tutorial, and im kinda split. first, the action feels great and the movement it stellar but yeesh this controller binding is messing me up. it only feels comfortable for me to keep one finder on the front of the controller, and i switch between the bumpers and the triggers with just my index. literally the only games that arent comparable with this approach, by expecting you to use bumpers AND triggers simultaneously, is this and hotline miami 2. the worst part is, i only figured out how weird this feels by the second-to-last tutorial, so i gotta redo all of it with kbm. after that, the game felt a lot more reasonable to get my fingers around (i probably wouldve switched spacebar and shift if i played longer), and i can confirm that the controller layout is my only obstacle to this kick-ass game. i will say that i wasnt expecting it to be a survival game? i thought itd be kind of a roguelike progression-through-a-dungeon thing, but its more about staying in a small space and defending. i already had this one wishlisted, and im glad i know what to expect now, this seems like itll be an interesting "kill 20 minutes before bed" game (in a good way! i love those)

right away, this feels like its to scotland what kisima innitchuna is to alaskan first nations. only its all stop motion and the entire ost sounds like a simon & garfunkle open house. maybe this comparison is stupid, the point is that this is awesome and you need to play it now. it may look like you get what the games about when you look at it, but it feels different to control. i dunno how to explain it, the artstyle makes the controls feel... different in a neutral way? please just try it, words fail me. this may very well be a once-in-a-lifetime game

game froze midway through the opening. man, bad luck today. it gotr working in the end, and MAN does this make me feel like a game reviewer. the game isnt hard per se, i can beat all the levels pretty easily, but the game asks you to be pretty damn talented if you want those a ranks. replay the level, route the best way to kill everyone as efficiently as possible. by the end youre gonna feel like harding. i feel like the full games gonna be a bit to tough for my blood, but im gonna have a stellar time watching the action from the sidelines. catch this at GDQ 2026

yeah i uh. went back to play more. damn this is more fun than i thought itd be, this is a good ass roguelike

before you read on, let it be known that this is objectively one of the best made and well put-together games ive tried this entire festival and all of my gripes with it are from personal preference. trying this game has led me to understand what people enjoy about punch-out (its clear inspiration) better than any 15 minute video essay could: its a puzzle game that relies on twitch reflexes and trial-and-error. its your job as a player to be attentive to the bosses's minute difference of animation to tell you exactly how to dodge and exactly when to strike. thats a great game! i feel genuinely remiss that i dont like trial and error and split-second weaknesses, or else i wouldve enjoyed this game way more. if youre on the fence about it, please give it an honesty try, this game knows exactly what to be and how to be it. the animation is great, both from the perspective of telegraphing attacks and just looking fantastic, the games vibe and personality is choice, and the gameplay itself is tight as hell. please just give it a shot

i guess thats the beauty of a demo, huh? it lets you figure out if youre gonna like a game before you commit to it. i hope if you take anything away from this 3-part... idk what youd call it, i kinda just gave my opinion about shit. look, im trying to tell you to try these games out yourself, hopefully this helped you figure out what is and isnt worth trying according to your own personal taste. and if youre not sure, give it a try anyway. demos are free, yknow

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this girl one time wanted to have sex with me and when i asked to use a condom she laughed it off and said it wasnt cool, and began to chip away at my boundary until i gave her what she wanted. she kept trying to get me to do things and i would say no, and she would continue asking anyway. in bed she said something like “you said you would” and that legitimately scared me, because it seemed like she was just blatantly lying to my face, or just forgot. then she called herself a succubus (A DEMON) and my gut screamed at me to be careful around her. sorry this may be TMI, but im anon so whatever, she said i could nut in her, which is the complete opposite of my original boundary. she was so sweet otherwise and communicated really good. except for when i texted her my concerns about being manipulated. she just became really defensive. im really happy im not “under her spell” anymore. i dont know what she was trying to do, but she could have hurt me really bad

its not tmi, its ok, you know me :p <3.. im sorry your boundaries were disrespected :( ill put my answer under read more cus its probly gona be long , this message had me contemplating some things..

IMO : sex is so tricky its been a struggle my whole life to understand how i feel about it & where my boundaries lie + allowing myself to express them so i understand the struggle u present here altho it's a different perspective.. some people use sex as a vehicle to gain power over others, by way of luring their partner into a state of vulnerability, i dont think that's something demonic necessarily i think it's usually more surface level than that. however

you do see a huge rise in the amount of ppl kind of, trying to personify the succubus nowadays? ppl have always wanted to be sexy but it's like different than the way ppl wanted to be sexy when i was younger. it got rly mainstream to have kind of a demon aesthetic if that makes sense? when i was younger this stuff was reserved for the relentlessly bullied & punished Goth and Emo kids.

but ok when i worked at spencers gifts in 2021/22 they had all these shirts of anime succubus girls getting choked and in bondage n shit, and these shirts were their best sellers they were outselling most the band tees and franchises like naruto.. and im telling youuu it was like, the youngest girls always buying these shirts, it made me so uncomfortable!! sometimes i would walk away and get my coworker to ring them up cus i was like nah im not selling a child that shit...but it really made me think like wow if i was in 7th grade and wore this shit to school it wou;dve been like wearing a giant KICK MY ASS!!!! target on my back but it's like, a popular thing rn.

and im not saying the bullying should return ofc, not the point. but it lead me down the string of thought wondering why this stuff is being pushed into the mainstream so heavily. sex sells i guess $$$ but yeah i think right now it's especially common to refer to yourself as a succubus if you're trying to feel a sense of power as a woman. because as a woman there are very few ways to gain power other than using sex. and many people want power! but i dont think most of them are demonic. just lost..

still its good u followed ur instinct to stay away from that girl because it is really cruel to manipulate someone in a moment where they've trusted you enough to be close to them like that.

yeah i think its rly rare for someone to be in some true demonic possession shit but i feel there can be dark things that linger *around* people who have weak spiritual armor and sort of, feast off their energy & create misfortunes around the person that generate bad energy for it to feed off of. but i dont think they have too much control over your actions like i would imagine for someone who's truly possessed. i feel a lot of ppl have these sort of ambient malignant attachments especially if they keep a lot of dark imagery & symbols around thinking it's just an aesthetic.

thas just my thoughts....really bored tonite so im typing a lot.... i love sex i think it can be so beautiful and restoring, it helps me feel so much happier in life to have good sex regularly i dont think sex or sexiness is evil. i just think its easy for ppl w bad intentions to turn it into this whole twisted ass mind game when it shld rly b so simple and natural and a loving connection that sets u free......be safe out there anon be discerning! protect you heart..<3

[allamericansbitch]

cant speak for everyone, but the reason why im so upset at taylor over this is bc she always has a lot to say... when SHE is the one being targeted. like with the ginny and georgia thing, or when damon albarn said some shit about her songwriting she didnt hesitate to come online and say her piece. she labelled herself as the 'resident loud perosn', she made a documentary about how she was gonna take the muzzle off (and anyone who says miss americana wasnt a political documentary must have been watching something else because what the fuck else was it???) but she cant even say trans rights, or at the bare minimum NOT date a man who is against everything she supposedly stands for. its just very spineless behaviour. and then on top of it all, she decides to release more midnights versions which is not only a blatant cash grab but also a distraction from all the noise around ratty, and has the audacity to say 'you asked we listened'. about a stupid song feature, like wheres the energy of listening to fans who are hurt by your actions??? its all just very tone deaf and tasteless and tbh i expected better (at the very least bc she usually cares about her image/how people see her even if she doesnt actually care about the issues at hand, but i guess that doesnt matter to her now either lol)

it literally took taylor 1 single day to respond to the damon albarn article. she knew about it immediately. you cannot tell me she doesn't know about what matty has done, you literally cant. everythings she's done since has been a blatant distraction.

[petefromarma]

same anon, to clarify wasnt criticizing you specifically im moreso just like shocked at Everyone (online)‘s behavior towards those old men being on two opposite ends of a spectrum where it’s either like slightly insincere outrage or no (verbal) outrage and just like a “oh haha we know they suck what can u do 🤷🏻‍♀️” vibe. def agree that the only way to get genuine results is to stop supporting them financially but i dont think a majority of the people who regularly buy merch etc have the balls to stop, but tbh i cant see them even making a statement i feel like their pr strategy has always been just avoiding discussing shit and waiting for people to start ignoring it again (which they always do!!), and even if they were to say something regardless of how sincere it might be (it won’t be) i really dont think i or a lot of other people can go back from that 😭 like i’ll never see them the same again, n e ways yes he said that shit’s crazy i don’t remember it word for word but he quoted someone talking about the death toll with some bs about how a genocide needs to involve a Certain number of people killed and the death toll hadnt reached that number yet……… crazy shit but like to end on a lighter note andy hurley (as the only member who’s explicitly talked about the genocide) (using talked very loosely bc all he did was post on his story lmfao) in particular is a chickenshit pussy bc how you gonna command a doomsday commune during the apocalypse when youre too shy to tell off your associates w shitty politics 💀 kid on twitter talking abt revolution but they cant ask for extra ketchup packet vibez

again under a cut

no you're good i figured it wasn't about me specifically i just thought maybe i should elaborate on my perspective. also yes i agree with all of this; i will say the reason i think it could be realistic for them to, like, throw up a donation link on their insta is that it's not something that's related to their personal lives (as in, there's other points of criticism they will never ever talk about because it has to do with their own actions) and they do, occasionally, respond publicly to fans. but i completely understand why that wouldn't really change anything for you and i am sorry that this happened and that you're not able to enjoy them or feel the same connection to them that you once were

also yeah speaking of i did notice that no one has had any heat for andy despite the fact that he's shown up for at least two of the three cobra shows. i think patrick is an easy target rn bc he's the one most visibly involved and everyone is too scared to criticize pete but no one has said anything about andy except to praise him and it's like, i think we're maybe past that point lol. and yeah i do maintain that if he wasn't in a band he would be the world's most annoying accelerationist larping on twt about violent revolution

[piratefishmama]

im the one who sent the ask about billy being a bully outside the mains.

i'm not the same person who was doing whatever other bs

i saw someone in your replies talking about him being abused and whatever else, as if it erased his other behaviour.

so i wasnt talking about you forgetting, i was talking about other people forgetting, especially his stans.

his stans will try and justify every action he's done that has negatively impacted other people. they'll find justification for his treatment of max, steve, the other kids. but that is something that I've never seen them touch on, because there no way they can stretch whatever they try to use to absolve him of everything to this kid he targetted.

im sorry if it came across in a bad way, but I was agreeing with your post, its just an offshoot thought I had from it. that little fat kid isn't one of eddies, but he is proof that billy is a bully. if he was okay with bullying a kid in front of witnesses at his job, he would have absolutely been fine with bullying people at school unless he got put in his place, like as you said in your post about Eddie doing

Oh sorry for being defensive! Anons always get me a little eeehhh after someone's been acting out.

Oh god that must have been the other person in the replies, didnt read it! just insta blocked from the notification cause they were out there bragging abt how they could still see stuff 🤣

idc what you have to say if you're out here being a dipshit for no good reason. and a 'neh-neh-ne-neh nehhh' post is just ridiculously immature. Let people have fun on the internet for gods sake they're fictional characters, people can HC whatever they want it doesnt hurt you.

But yeah abuse doesnt excuse anything, he was a dipshit of the highest order.

So many teachers back in my day claimed 'you dont know what's going on in their homes' whenever i'd complain about bullies, school never doing anything about it.

Violence is sometimes the only language they speak, which sucks but alas, put them in their place and they stay away for a bit. it's a tested method and unfortunately it works. They know they cant fuck with you, or in Eddie's and my case, your friends without reprocussion and a concussion is a pretty decent reprocussion.

Billy was only there for a year and a bit before he died, I broke a bullies nose in highschool for picking on a friend of mine and we both got left alone for two years so lmao, timeline seems abt right to me.

and honestly how else could he successfully gather and protect weird freshmen, if he didnt have a proven 'THIS BITCH IS FERAL' reputation?

[facelessvoicez]

JASPER LORE WOOOOOOOO

Wanted to post this to show the people who were curious of Jasper's background.

NOTE: There are a lot of details left out on this, considering it's just a written idea of Jasper's Lore lol

It is not written well I KNOW LOL It's literally just a bunch of notes that i tried to cluster together and organize to make sense, lol

Dad was a druggie, mom moved onto another piece of shit dude, being his step dad named Brenden. His Stepfather was very abusive, to more specifically Jasper. Brenden and japser's mother had two kids together, though Brenden never layed a finger on them throughout the years, but for some reason always picked on Jasper. Jasper was an Autistic and vulnerable child, making him an easy target for Brenden. Jasper not being exactly 'normal' made it easy to get upset with jasper, Brended taking any 'irregular' behavior as an opportunity to get mean and/or violent. All it took was jasper to breathe off pattern to trigger that Brenden.

They boy struggled in school as well. Didn't exactly fit in with the other kids (cliche ik lmao) he got picked on a lot, kids could be bruital, often stalking him and pushing him around shouting insults. A common insult being the word 'retard' or 'retarded'. He didn't exactly have friends in this point, he liked keeping to himself anyways, and The bullying wasn't too bad considering he delt with worse at home.

Unfortunately his vulnerability and decaying mental state, he grasps the attention of the slenderman. He'd see him here and there but it wasnt often. Though he was often watching, causing him to always get these horrible headaches.

Time goes by he appears more and more, fucking with him more and more.

Over the years he made three friends. Tomii, Vicc, and Iris. He'd never felt so comfortable and safe with people EVER. He finally wasn't alone, he finally had a safe space. Tomii and Vic were both struggling in their own ways too, so it was nice to have people to relate to. Not only this but he eventually gained a special relationship with Iris, them eventually becoming a couple.

The abuse at home and school continues, the consistent traumatic events eventually pile up causing him to lose his shit, developing long lasting psychosis, the psychotic episodes, voices demanding him/convincing him to do things while being fuled by the years of pent up anger. This and The help of Mr No Face picking at him, all lead to that one breakdown causing him to murder his step father. Soon after, his mother came home from work, being just now exposed to the situation, she freaks out understandibly. Out of fear Jasper killed his mother too. Leaving his siblings alone in the small apartment.

soon after he runs away from the situation to his partners house. He's mid through a psychotic episode, the stressful situation only strengthened the episode more. Jasper was completely delusional and panicked at this time, convincing himself that everything and everyone was out to get him. All it took was that small look of panic in his partners face to convince Jasper that his partner was after him too. That look of panic wasn't meant to be threating but understandibly worried for his dear boyfriend, though Jasper wasn't aware of this, in his head he was convinced that his partner was now a threat. That look of panic was one way too close to the one his step father gave after getting uspet with Jasper, that look he'd make before beating him. Due to the help of whispers growling about how his partner was somehow a threat, This is what lead to him to kill his partner. This was an action he regretted the most later on.

Jasper again, runs off, having no idea where to go, he finds himself an isolated area after hours of traveling. The area being an old abandoned home in the middle of nowhere. He settled there for a while until being unwillingly taken away by 'The Harvester proxy' bringing him to Mr.No-Face's land, Wiping a majority of Jasper's memory and creating him as another one of his proxies, being forced to live in a cycle of killing.

Note: i included Tomii and Vic bc they will have their own stories eventually that involved Slenderman and Jasper lol.

If i do an actual well written story about this, they will be included a LOT more.

@Gaspproxy on isnta: Creator of The Harvester proxy

[wolfisland]

also basically what happened with this dude, because id actually rather be candid about it because i fucked up, and thats not something i wanna hide either. i did fuck up. intensely. if you're familiar with me and previous urls (specifically bìfēy) you may have actually witnessed this

so timeline:

- ive known this dude (went by catboyfleas at the time i believe) since i was 13, which i consider childhood for me as someone who Does Not Remember Their Childhood. we'd had an on and off friendship because he's incredibly abrasive and rude and overall the reviews from anyone whos met him that i still speak to are generally "hes a cunt", and id been pretty vulnerable to this treatment growing up

- roughly 2020-2021 (????) i criticise a person (jen truëfaggōt) who, as far as i was and am aware, is not and was not bisexual and had no right trying to coin flags for a bisexualgender flag in my personal opinion when there were already flags made by bisexuals, especially when this person had a history of biphobia

- he accidentally misgenders this person by using "king" when telling her to stay in her lane, as said person used he/him at the time and identified as gay for men, though also tma. we were not aware that this would go under misgendering as we thought it was the correct gendered term

- this person is very upset which is fair and accuses him of misgendering, and of fucking course instead of apologising he doubles down on the "well i didnt know!" and im working to try and translate dipshit speak into an actual explanation for his actions, as this person accuses him of intentional misgendering which it genuinely wasnt. i cannot stand this dude anymore, and i will throw him under the bus for a myriad of reasons now that hes no longer around to essentially mock and gaslight me for sport. but he didnt do this intentionally.

however the lack of apology is in itself transmisogynistic and me trying to apologise for him and explain things is still transmisogynistic and didnt fix it. i am genuinely and deeply sorry for this. at the time i wanted to explain on behalf of my friend, who for the better part of 10 years id been constantly insulted by and belittled and had to essentially be a pr agent of in many circumstances, and i felt that as i'd been the one to initially interact with that person, it was my responsibility to try and fix the situation. we are no longer and will never be friends again.

it was not my role to apologise for him or explain his actions, and i should have cut him off as people suggested. i was pretty strongly attached to him due to him being one of the only people whod stayed part of my life and defended me when i was being abused by my parents and partners, and i felt i owed it to him to try and fix this. i didnt really have anyone else i knew irl, and i truly did not think he had poor intentions, but actions do speak louder and continuing to make excuses for him contributed to the damage he'd already done.

- the situation later devolves into all of the attention and blame being shifted onto me, as he just logged out essentially after continuing to double down on how he never meant it as misgendering as he couldnt have known - iirc he claimed he wasnt even aware you could be tma and still be mlm in any capacity.

i end up being held accountable for his actions, and i believe this person actually at a point called me a dog? like a lot of it was very very peppered with antiblackness and bimisogyny — something she ALSO had a history of, and i will not back down on that, there was definitely warranted criticism for my actions, but i was treated with far more hostility and bad faith than he was, and after not long at all i was the sole target of criticism (rather than him) until a callout was later posted for the person, revealing she wasnt even transfem, and proving she'd been racefaking as well.

however that callout also ended up being filled with absolute baseless BULLSHIT theorising about other completely uninvolved people being sock puppets of her, and this actively harmed those people. the authors of that callout never apologised and disappeared and i do not associate with them nor do i condone the flimsy and dangerous accusations levelled against uninvolved people.

i did not write the callout but my testimony was involved, and i actively condemn the majority of the callout. it hurt others. i didnt want to hurt other people like that, i cant imagine how much stress they were under after those false accusations of being someone else entirely, and i am so sorry that they were dragged into this and subjected to that.

i wanted that person held accountable for her antiblackness and bimisogyny, as there genuinely is not an excuse for that, i didnt deserve that either. i absolutely deserved criticism for my behaviour and responses and i deserved to be held accountable and still do, but there wasnt an excuse to talk about me like i was some purposefully evil animal and the instigator of all of this and that i was aggressive and cruel. i wasnt. that was never my intention. ever.

i regret not nipping that in the bud and im genuinely sorry for my part in it. i should have listened when warned to cut him off and i should have never tried to speak on his behalf or apologise for it. i kept poor company and thats on me. i believe i have genuinely learned from this and i am remorseful for it, but i also understand anyones skepticism around my intentions or actions. everyone is entitled to that. just because im apologising doesnt mean im entitled to anyones forgiveness, especially not like... tma peoples? but the apology is still important to me. i am sorry. i do regret this. i will do better.

i have worked very hard to do better and Be better and i do hope that reflects. i care a lot about this topic and especially as a black bi woman. its important to me that i work to make sure people feel safe around me.

so. for anyone who was NOT aware of this and has no interest in associating with me further after learning it, i fully understand.

and if you were involved with this and have stumbled across this and were one of the people harmed by it, i am genuinely sorry. id considered reaching out to certain people affected directly but its been made very clear that these people do not want to hear from me or anyone else who'd been even tangentially involved in the callout and ive chosen to respect the right to peace and privacy. but please understand that if given the chance i would like to directly apologise, provided it wouldnt cause further distress.