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synnamonroll666 · 2 months ago

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You Are Still Human

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

Pairing: Wendigo!Josh Washington x Fem!Reader Description: Josh breaks down over the fact that he cannot live a normal life since his possession and no longer believes that he is truly human. So you find a special way to remind him of his humanity... Warnings: 18+, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Mental Breakdown, Insecurities, P In V, Creampie, Slight Choking, Rough Smut Animalistic Smut, Mention Of Breeding, No Foreplay Or Prep, Pain Kink-ish??? (Let me know if I missed any!) Word Count: 3.2k A/N: So I finally got this done! I didn't expect it to end up this long but as you can see, things got out of hand FAST. 😂 I hope you guys enjoy it! 🖤 Josh Washington Masterlist: 🖤 Taglist: @nuggetsandmoose, @maquillagebookmark, @wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee28374728, @bee-who-isnt-french

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

My tired feet slowly shuffle across the hardwood floor as I push myself through the front door of our shared home. I am exhausted after several errands that I had to run today, to say the least. But that's the price I have to pay for pushing them off until right at last minute. Though it wasn't exactly the extra work I had to do that pushed my mind and body to feel so worn out. My loving boyfriend decided to join me, which was a rare occurrence for him.

Ever since the... Incident... He hasn't wanted to go out into the world much. I understand his anxiety of being seen in public with his condition so I never push, but today he insisted on joining me on my mission to finish my to-do list. Perhaps he felt bad that all these burdens were placed on my shoulders with his lack of want to leave the house.

But unfortunately, a face mask to cover up his ripped cheek and sharpened canines was just not enough to cover what he has become. Recovery for Josh was long and hard and we had only just began talking about the possibility of cosmetic surgery. It was a long process before we could even begin worrying about such things.

After leaving the mountain, the spirit of the wendigo left him, not being able to leave where it is bound. But still, traces of an animal-like presence lingered in his behaviors and personality. We didn't know if restoring his humanity was possible, but the doctors were able to recover just enough to get him to a point of leaving the hospital to live a normal life. Though even then, I had to beg to convince them to let me take him home with me.

His parents were hesitant on letting me take care of him, but after some negotiating, they bought a secluded cabin in a swallow forest, just deep enough to give us privacy but not too deep that I would be trapped if I needed to get away. Josh's humanity was indeed resorted, but the primal animal was still within.

And that's where we are now. Josh has an odd habit of forgetting how to act "human" sometimes. Every once in awhile he will stare at someone random and growl lowly, or even nip at the air as though his need to feed was getting too intense. It was worrisome, to say the least. Sometimes I would stay up at night, fearing the one thing that I always worried was inevitable—that Josh would lose control once more.

Though time and time again, he would prove me wrong with a loving and warm cuddle at the end of the day. But sadly, tonight will not be so sweet. I can tell by the way Josh trudges into the living room, his head hung low and shoulders slumped. He wants to be left alone.

Though I understand this, I don't want to leave him with his thoughts again. Bad things happen when Josh is left alone with his thoughts. So I approach the doorway of the living room, leaning against the frame as I watch his tired form from afar. He seems defeated by the way he sat slouched against the soft cushions of our couch.

Slowly, I make my way to him step by step and sit on the couch, my eyes watching him to read his body language. He does not react to my presence, instead staring out into a void of nothingness like his mind is elsewhere. I reach over to the small end table by my side and pull its drawer open, only to retrieve a small, red bag.

I set it on my lap and then turn back to Josh, carefully taking on of his large hands in my own. They have grown a tiny bit since his possession, by an inch for each finger at least. Every part of his body has grown a bit since then. Sometimes it could feel a little intimidating. I run my thumb over the fragile, pale skin on the back of his hand before releasing a tired sigh.

"Your nails are getting long again, sweetheart. Shall I trim them for you?" I ask while reaching for the bag in my lap with my free hand, pulling the zipper to the side to reveal a bunch of nail care tools.

He does not respond verbally, but let's out a huff to let me know that he is fine with it. So with that, I begin my work, trimming and filing away at the sharp and jagged claws. It takes what feels like an hour to get them finished and looking nearly human again. In this time, Josh doesn't move a bit. He is so still, it's hard to tell he is even breathing. But once I finish and go to move my hands away from his, his boney fingers clasp my own.

"Thank... You..." He whispers faintly, his voice coarse and almost ghostly. Life glimmers in his eyes for a brief moment as his light irises study his hands.

But then, after a minute of admiring my work, he stands from his spot on the couch. He begins to pace around the coffee table in the center of the room, as if his mind is wandering, pondering something intense. I watch him for a few moments as he silently walks, feet shuffling along the carpet. But then, he mutters something...

"It's not enough..."

I almost do not catch it, until he repeats the words in a volume just slightly higher than before. But before I know it, Josh is pacing more frantically, whispering the sentence over and over. An eerie dread falls over my body as I watch him, his movements growing more panicked. He seems frightened and enraged, and those feelings seem to grow until he finally snaps, flipping over the coffee table in one swoop of his arms.

"I'm sick of this fucking shit!" He screams in a voice that sounds more like a howl from a wounded animal than anything else. "I'm so sick of being a fucking monster! I'm so fucking sick of people looking at me like one—like I shouldn't be with you or like I'm going to hurt you! I just want to be human again!"

I am stunned, sitting still as ever as if I'm afraid to move. That is until he breaks down, falling to his knees as he let's out a mournful sob. It's as if his spirit has been beaten down to the point of no return by this curse, every day stares, and the pressure of trying to be what he once was. Within a second, I am by his side on the floor, pulling him close to me and embracing him tightly.

"You're not a monster." I whisper sweetly as I caress his thinned out hair, just one more thing he has had to be insecure about since becoming human again. But it never lost its silky texture, which was what I had always loved the most about it.

He shakes his head and whimpers faintly, "I'm just a monster..."

I think for a moment. Usually it's pretty hard to break someone out of this mindset, especially Josh. He has a stubborn way of thinking, which makes it hard to convince him otherwise on a lot of subjects. I continue to pet his hair and think of back when he was human, how much he loved to show me just how much he loved me every day. Of course, a lot of times it would be through physical acts— And finally, it hits me. I know what will break him out of these self-abusive thoughts.

"I want you to prove to me that you're not a monster." I order firmly, which is enough for him to finally raise his head from where it is tucked in my shoulder and look up at me.

"W-What?" He queries just barely above a whisper—just barely enough for me to hear his quivering voice.

I gently caress his cheek, brushing my fingers over his deep scars as I clarify. "Prove to me that you aren't a monster. I know you can. Prove to me that you can feel all the emotions that a normal person can feel, and make me feel them as well in return."

He stares at me for a moment, eyes clearly uncertain about my rather intimate proposition. I can practically see the internal battle going on inside his mind through those glazed over pupils in the center of his white irises. Then, he let's out a shaky breath before biting his lip subtly—a risky habit he still carries from being human, but has to be more cautious doing now with his sharpened teeth.

"I... I don't want to hurt you..." He whimpers like a hurt puppy, glancing back down at his fidgeting fingers.

"You won't," I say as I place my hands on his cheeks, forcing his gaze back to me so he can see my sincerity. "I know you..."

He adverts his eyes once more, only this time looking down at the growing bulge under the rough fabric of his jeans—something I had failed to notice before. Josh had grown so backwards since his turning—so backwards that we haven't had sex since prior to it. I know it is killing him, especially since he was always the horniest guy I knew before this happened.

To make things easier for him, I place my hand on his thigh, resting right beside his needy member. He swallows thickly as he visibly shivers, a thin layer of sweat already coating his skin as his temperature rises. It is a subtle action to test the waters and when I'm sure he is comfortable, my hand goes right to the spot I know he desires so much.

But as soon as my hand cups the twitching length through his pants, something changes. A soft growl is heard rumbling at the back of his throat, and when my eyes flick back up, I am met with a hungry and what looks to be primal gaze. His eyes are no longer soft and sorrowful, but hold something almost animalistic within them.

Before I can say anything, Josh scoops me up and throws me down on the couch, knocking a startled gasp to fly out from me that seems to fall on deaf ears. He is quick to cage me between his arms, and lower his body weight down over top of me to encase me in his grasp, like a predator sealing his prey's fate.

No words are spoken, just the sounds of his ragged breaths and rabid growls fill the air. His body temperature has risen even higher than I have ever felt from him, and as he presses his chest against mine to keep me locked in place, I can feel his racing heartbeat vibrating through his chest as well. It amazes me that he hasn't had a heart attack yet.

But still, it seems as if something is stopping him in place. A lost, uncertain, question glimmers in his orbs as though he is waiting for an answer. Though he is silent, I know what he is asking—the final thing he needs to take things to the next level.

"Go ahead, Josh. I'm ready." I breath faintly, giving him the permission he seeks.

As if from a movie, he tears our clothes off at a supernatural speed. I lay there, naked and dumbfounded as I look at the shreds of clothing that fell all around us, surrounding us like some sort of makeshift nest. I can't help but wonder how in the hell he managed to do that after I just clipped and filed his claws down, but I don't have much time to answer.

A shriek of shock, pain, and pleasure tears from my throat as I feel the familiar sting of something long and hard entering my canal, though this time in a more rough and fast way. Josh was always one for foreplay, but I guess there isn't time for that now, as he is already buried deep within me to the brim within just a split second.

His eyes hold a bit of remorse for only a mere moment, until that hunger returns. I barely have time to breathe as he retracts and enters at a pace I have never seen from him before. His hips pound furiously into mine, a subtle ache setting into my joints almost in an instant as he does his work. His grip on my waist is enough to burst my organs, while his dull nails cut into my flesh, crimson liquid forming under them more and more with each flex of his fingers. If I hadn't have cut his nails before this, I'd be done for. But I feel like Josh would know to be more careful if there was an actual hazard.

The intensity of his tip hitting my g-spot over and over at a brutal force feels to be enough to actually bruise it. Josh was always so good at finding it but this is a whole new level. I push my head back against the cushions as a cry of painful ecstasy parts my lips. Gripping the edges of the cushions and ripped strands of clothing in my fists, I begin to squirm out of pure instinct. Of course, Josh doesn't like this very much. Before I know it, a tight hand is wrapped firmly around my neck, but not enough to actually hurt me. This shows me that deep down, Josh still has some control.

He pounds into me in a sloppy and rough rhythm, determined like an animal desperate to breed. Grunts, groans, and growls that sound less than human are all that are heard from him. I would be concerned if my mind was clear enough to pay attention. No, right now, all my senses were overwhelmed by Josh, cutting off my awareness of the world around us like a sweet death. I am out of my own body now, my soul flying high in the clouds of heaven.

To my surprise, he pulls out. A soft exhale escapes me has he let's go of my throat, but that's only to quickly flip me over so he can now get in from the back. As soon as he shoves his length back inside, he's moving at a pace yet again unimaginable while his claws grip my hips firmly. He is almost pulling me back onto his cock at times, so my hips can meet his own has he thrusts into me. It's so animalistic and natural and it feels so right. And by the feeling of it, it's just enough to satisfy Josh completely.

With a roaring howl, Josh finally finds the release he has been chasing for so long. His speed and strength increases as he comes undone within me, and he fills me to the brim as if he wants to claim me... Or maybe even breed me. It is all too much for me to bear. The sensation of his heavy load spraying into my sweet spot is enough to send me flying over the edge. I bury my face into the cushion as a shuddering moan falls from my lips, before my voice strains away to nothing. My whole body trembles as I practically melt beneath him, and my walls squeeze and quiver around his cock as though I'm practically begging for more.

Though soon that psychical need gives away into exhaustion as soon as my tense muscles relax once my high subsides, my body falling limp like I no longer can control it. I'm just a doll now, all at the mercy of the man who gives me life. He may think that because I help him to heal, I am his savior. But he couldn't be more wrong. Without Joshua, I would be in a darker place, drowning in my trauma of that night. But now, I have him. And in this moment of silence where nothingness hangs in the air, that thought enters my brain. A small smile curls the corners of my lips while I close my eyes, feeling peace as I soak up his warmth while his hot breath fans my shoulder.

He removes himself from me, both of us letting out a trembling whimper, the overestimation stinging our most sensitive areas momentarily. He does not waste a single breath on words, instead leaning down to capture my lips with his. He is careful—careful to not cut me with his long canines, but also holding a tenderness he used to show before all of this. He knows that I am at my most vulnerable at this time, and will take the most caution to not break me at my fine glass-like state. When he pulls away, he gazes upon me with tear-filled and passionate eyes, his orbs reflecting what seems to be gratefulness and love.

"That wasn't the wendigo in me..." He breathes faintly while raising a hand to caress my cheek in a way so tender that I feel as if I could cry. Though I raise a questioning brow at that statement, not knowing what he means. So he elaborates after taking another second to breathe, still worn out by our recent activities. "I just needed you that badly... So I guess that was the human in me, huh?"

I smile at that and nod, admiring how he blushes at what he admits. For someone who used to be so ballsy and open with his dirty thoughts, Josh could be pretty backwards at times. It was something I always adored so much about him. I run my fingers through his raven, disheveled hair while taking in his stunning features, a soft sigh leaving me before I whisper. "You can have me whenever you like, Josh."

Josh smiles and presses his lips to mine once more, and then lays his head on my chest. I watch him intently, taking note of how he smiles when he hears my heartbeat quicken ever so slightly at the sight of him on top of me. He gently rubs my sides, soon stopping to snuggle into my breasts, seemingly deciding that this nest of our torn clothing would be our bed for the night.

Josh always reminded me of a Great Dane in a way. Despite being a lot bigger than me, there was always enough space on top of me for cuddles in his eyes. It was always quite amusing to me each time his large form would envelope my own. I continue to pet his hair, soft strands threading through my fingers with each touch. He let's out a huff in contentment and kisses my left breast, the sensation of his lips on my skin being absorbed through my flesh and meeting my heart to caress it with the love he feels for me.

"Thank you..." He murmurs, his voice dropping an octave lower and coming out more like a purr due to his exhaustion. My eyes focus on him as he closes his eyes, taking one more deep breath and then continuing his sentence a mere second before he falls into a peaceful slumber on top of me. "For everything..."

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

#until dawn #until dawn josh #josh washington #josh washington x reader #josh washington smut #wendigo!josh washington #synnamonsspicyfics

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minnies-puppydoll · 7 days ago

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thinking abt skz x hybrid puppygirl reader…

puppy being so so worked up in the middle of the night. it isnt her heat, but she needs to be filled so bad it hurts.

puppy walking to minho’s room, where she finds minho wide awake, already playing with their other puppy, seungmin. hyunjin is sleeping beside them, only half awake and still dozing off.

minho lets seungmin hump himself in minho’s hand. seungmin whines and pleads quietly, trying not to wake anybody. hyunjin is obviously used to this.

puppy watches from the doorway, squeezing her thighs and whining, wanting to join so bad but dumb puppy can’t use her words right. minho looks at her with an evil, knowing smile, purposely now jerking minnie off so you could hear the slick, wet sounds of his pleasure.

“aw. does puppy need to be filled up? puppy wants my cock?”

his teasing words made you ache so much worse, shifting your hips for any friction at all.

“mm, looks like she does. sorry puppy, im already sooo occupied with this one here..look at his face pup.”

minho tightens his grip around seungmin’s cock, stopping sometimes to swirl his thumb around minnie’s sensitive tip. seungmin writhes and grips onto minhos shoulders, muffling his little cries and moans in minho’s neck.

“look at him. you wish this was you? oh, puppy feels so good right now, he’s gonna cum. you wanna see puppy pop a knot right here?”

you actually couldn’t take it anymore. it physically hurt that you were empty right now. his mords and actions are so mean and unfair. thats when you spot hyunjin out of the corner of your eye, still half asleep next to the puppy madness.

“hyunjinnie, please i can’t take it anymore.” you slurred, rushing to his side on your knees. his head was hanging off the bed, now looking at you. he chuckles a little under his breath at the fact that you gave up on minho. but, he makes no move to help you.

you whine desperately as you move your face to the crook of his neck, placing little kitten licks on it. you hear a startled moan from hyunjin, he groans a little when you stop, sitting up and really observing how desperate you are.

you’re dripping at this point. making a tiny mess on the carpet where you are propped up on your knees, hands pawing at the edge of the matress, and posture so upright and obedient. like a good dog.

“please please hyunjin. please fuck me.” you whine, your tail wagging in hopes he’ll cave.

…

soon, he’s giving you exactly what you want. sliding into your slick pussy and pounding into you as deep as he can go. loud moans fill the room, you can’t think about others right now. you’re being fucked so good, all you can think about is his cock.

he always filled you so nicely. his cock is quite long with more of an average thickness. always had you bouncing and babbling on it like a slut.

hyune flipped you over and grabbed your tail, pulling on it while he fucked you even faster from behind. letting you cum around him a good amount of times before you all fall asleep together.

#skz smut #18+ mdni #skz x reader #lee know smut #lee know x reader #seungmin smut #seungmin x reader #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin smut #bd/sm puppy

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sturnioz · 23 days ago

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fb chris and bun somehow getting wrangled into decorating a gingerbread house together only for bun to get very picky on how they decorate it and insist it needs to be the best in the frat. queue fb chris literally just rolling his eyes also, can i be ☁️ anon if it isnt taken??

part two to THIS PROMPT, but can be read as a standalone.

"a'ight, so we only managed to grab a few boxesm so we're doin' this shit in pairs, 'kay? it's me 'n bee, kitty 'n matt, bun 'n chris, jo—"

nate's voice trails off as your heart leaps at the announcement, a wide grin spreading across your face as you clutch the gingerbread pieces in your hands; already picture the creation you want to come to life.

with excited eyes, you lean over the table, scanning the slip of paper with the instructions to build. but when you glance sideways at chris, your excitement begins to waver as you notice the expression on his face — his eyebrows are furrowed, his jaw tight with a slight scowl on his lips, and his arms crossed over his chest as he stares down at the table.

you can't help feel a little disappointed, wishing he could be just as happy as you are to be involved in something like this. still, you try to shake off the feeling and not let it damper your mood as you refocus on the instructions, doing a quick once-over just as nate gives everyone the go-ahead to start.

the building part comes together super quick and easy — sticking the gingerbread slabs together with icing and top notch precision, creating a sturdy yet simple house. as you sift through the box, you lay out the colourful sweets and multiple tubes of icing, envisioning the perfect design that appears in your mind.

but then you panic a when you see chris reluctantly pick up a blue icing tube.

"no!" you quickly blurt out, rushing to take it from his hands, but he pulls it out of reach, his expression unimpressed and slightly annoyed. "don't do blue.. let's stick to red and green icing, keep the christmas theme."

"blue is fine, kid." he replies, his tone flat and dismissive.

"no, it's not," you shake your head, your voice firm despite the flutter of nerves in your stomach. "i.. i have the perfect idea, and—and we need to be the best."

chris raises an eyebrow, his annoyance clear. "this isn't some competition. we're just buildin' a fuckin' gingerbread house that's probably gonna be thrown away the second we're done anyway."

you frown at that, shaking your head again. "i'll keep it safe. i'll take it home. no blue, please—keep it to green and red. or we can use the white icing!"

you pick up the white icing tube and hold it out to chris, hoping that he'll drop the blue and take the white instead. he stares at you for a moment, prodding his tongue against his cheek, before rolling his eyes and dropping the blue icing onto the table with a thud.

he takes the white tube from your hands, muttering, "dunno why you're makin' such a big deal out of this shit, kid."

you murmur back, "i told you.. i want to be the best."

chris shoots you a glare, but you ignore it, turning back to your gingerbread house. you carefully swirl the green icing around the makeshift door, your tongue poking out in concentration as you create a festive wreath, grabbing the red icing to then create a small little bow in the middle.

you try, and fail, to hide the smile when chris leans over you, the annoyed expression still on his face as he squeezes the white icing tube over the roof of the gingerbread house, trying to craft patterns for the tiles.

but you notice his grip is a little too tight, the tube bending under pressure, and a frown tugs at your lips.

"chris you're—"

"shut up, kid—"

"but you—"

"i'm doin' exactly what you asked, yeah? so don't—"

"no i know, but you're squeezing—"

"i swear to fuckin' god—"

chris' words are abruptly cut off when the tube explodes, a sudden burst of white icing erupting from the top and splattering across his shirt. it sprays out chaotically, some drops even landing across his face, leaving streaks of sticky white against his skin.

your mouth drops open in shock, a small gasp escaping as you instinctively take a step back, your eyes wide. chris looks utterly furious, his expression a mix of rage and disbelief, and you can't help but feel concerned... also amused.

the noise immediately draws the attention of the others, who stop that they're doing and turn to witness what just happened. the frat brothers laughs and hollers erupt around the table, and nate struggles to contain himself, his laughter booming as he leans against bee, who giggles uncontrollably, her eyes watery as she tries to hold nate upright as he flails against her.

both kitty and matt are silent, but they exchange glances, their expression amused and the smirks on their faces revealing how much they're finding the situation funny.

meanwhile, chris' shoulders heave with frustration, his jaw clenched as he stands there, frozen in place, icing dripping from his face and clothes, his glare directed straight at you.

"i tried to warn you..." you say softly, your voice barely rising above the laughter around you as you nervously fiddling with your own icing tube. "you were squeezing too hard..."

divider credits. @issysh3ll

#ᯓ꒰asks꒱#ᯓ꒰☁️anon꒱#☆ fratboy!chris #☆ shy!reader #꒰ fratboy!chris x shy!reader prompt ꒱

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pleasantlycrazyworld · 2 months ago

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Hiiiii!!!:]

Request for Logan x reader where they carve pumpkins and watch scary movies, or maybe they do a halloween night out or something!!

(I hope this isnt too "late" to request fall/halloween stuff)

I had too many ideas so this is like a 4+1 type of fic lol it can be for any Logan and it's gender neutral! Request are still open!

The 4 times Logan didn't want to participate and the one time he did

1. Going to the pumpkin patch

You basically had to drag Logan to the pumpkin patch. You woke up so excited, the weather was finally a nice cool and crisp real autumn morning and it was supposed to stay nice all day, so naturally you thought it would be a good day to finally go get your pumpkins. Logan thought differently.

The pumpkin patch wasn't his idea of a good time. There were little ones running around, parents weren't really watching their children, and the couples that were there were all matching. You tried to get Logan to wear a matching outfit with you. "Come on, it'll be cute!" he rolled his eyes at your argument and wore his regular flannel instead.

At least flannel is correlated with fall.

You picked out the pumpkins the two of you were going to carve. When you asked for his opinion, you were met with a shrug and his typical response; "get whatever you want, babe." Usually, it was a nice response. It was his way of telling you that he could buy you whatever you wanted. If you were torn between two different colors in sweaters, he would say that because technically, he could buy you all of the damn sweaters, and he knows you'll look amazing in whatever. However, this wasn't exactly a good response when there were hundreds of pumpkins to pick from.

You showed him the pumpkins were finally decided and he grabbed them for you before carrying them to the little counter to check out. You sighed, feeling a little defeated? a little guilty? You weren't sure what the emotion was that you were feeling. You just felt bad for dragging him to do something he obviously hated so much.

2. Carving pumpkins

You know the pumpkin patch was a failure, but you wanted to carve your pumpkins asap. As Logan drove the two of you home, you were looking up pumpkin carving inspirations, and by the time you did get home, you were practically buzzing in your seat.

You jumped out of the truck and grabbed one of the pumpkins, Logan chuckled as he watched you zoom from the truck to the front door, seemingly forgetting that he had the keys. He could tell you were pouting due to the door being locked still, so he trudged out of the truck to the front door. "Move over, sweetheart," He mumbled and wrapped his arm around your waist to move you aside so he could unlock the door for you.

Once you got inside, you put the pumpkins on the table and kissed Logan on the cheek. "Do you want to help carve the pumpkins?" You asked with puppy eyes that you know make it difficult for him to say no to. He just walked past you, and for a second, you thought he was going to the bedroom, but then you heard rummaging from the kitchen. Looking behind you, you see Logan coming back to the dining room table with a couple of knives, spoons, and paper towels.

He sits in silence and rolls his eyes when you just stay standing there. "Are you helping or not? I'm not carving two damn pumpkins by myself, " He grumbled as he started cutting the bottom off of one of the pumpkins so he could start degutting it.

You snapped out of the shock and nodded, "Let me go get a plate I want to save some seeds" You go to grab a plate, but he stops you by showing you a plate, "Cut open your damn pumpkin, will ya?"

The two of you could feel a smile starting to form, and you sat next to him to start degutting your own pumpkin.

3. Watching a scary movie

You wanted to make up for the other day. You really thought Logan would enjoy the pumpkin patch more than he did. Halloween and autumn were your favorite time of year, and you wanted to enjoy it with your man, so you were determined to find something he enjoyed about the season, too.

You figured a movie date night would be perfect! There is no need to leave the house. There wasn't even a real need to change out of your pajamas. You made pizza from scratch and even made the popcorn on the stove top; everything was prepared, and all Logan had to do was pick out a movie for the two of you to watch.

He ended up picking the creepiest movie you'd ever seen.

He didn't think much of it. Honestly, he remembered the movie coming out decades ago and got excited to resee it. "Oh, I haven't seen this since it first came out" He tried to sound nonchalant, but the excitement was clear in his voice. You looked over his shoulder to see the movie he had picked, and you froze.

Something had to be fucking with you, out of all the things this was what made Logan excited? Now you loved horror movies, but Rosemary's Baby??? no. You just couldn't handle that movie, but dammit he was so excited. You swallowed and nodded stiffly. "Sure Lo. Sounds great" He smiled and put it on before wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

Half the pizza is gone, the movie is about a quarter over and you were buried into Logan's shoulder. "Baby?" He asked with clear concern, "We can watch something else." He went to turn the movie off, but you jumped up before he could, "NO!" you let out a nervous giggle and shook your head, "It's just starting to get good, I really want to finish it"

You pulled him back to how he was and reached over to turn the movie back on, "You'll just have to protect me if I get too scared" you said teasingly, but you'd never been more serious before. He chuckled and held you closer than before. As the movie continued, you hid in his chest so he could enjoy his movie, and you could sleep tonight without having nightmares.

4. Going to get costumes

If you thought getting him to the pumpkin patch was hard, this was damn near impossible. You had to use threats, and he knows it's a bluff. It has to be a bluff. But he also knows you, and you are always true to your word, so he's too scared to risk it and just admits defeat.

He gets in the truck and drives you to the local Halloween store. You have him following you around like a puppy. He's honestly too afraid to lose you in this store. There's so many people and so much that they're selling. The store felt very claustrophobic to him, so he just sticks to you.

You pick out a couple's costume (it can be anything, but I like to think of a red riding hood and a wolf lol) and he groans aloud knowing you will have him wearing it for whatever party you drag him to.

As you check out, he listens to you ramble on about going to get tacos, and he just shakes his head and agrees to go get some. You're lucky he loves you so damn much

5. Passing out candy (the one time he was excited)

Today was finally Halloween and sadly you had to work until six, you told Logan the day before that you wouldn't be home in time for the beginning of trick or treating, but you will be home for the rest of it. You showed him exactly where the candy was since you had to hide it from him. "What do you mean you hid candy from me? I built this house there's nowhere to hide candy." He said, nearly pouting. It wasn't his fault he had a sweet tooth, and dammit he deserved some candy.

You clocked out as soon as you possibly could, and as you walked to your car, you went to text Logan, letting him know you were on your way home, but your phone was already dead. You sighed and decided to just head home before the streets got too busy with kids.

As you pull into your driveway, you can see the lights in the house on, and you can hear music playing. Confusing washes over you. With how Logan had been acting all month, you thought he would have the lights off and act like no one was home for trick or treating.

You walk to the door, and your heart swells with the sight in front of you. Logan hadn't noticed you walking in just yet. He was busy giving a toddler dressed up as Cinderella a sucker from the pumpkin bowl that had been sitting on the table completely empty this morning.

Not only did he put the candy meant to be passed out in a tacky looking pumpkin bowl, but he was also bent down to the kids' level to give them their candy. "Don't you look beautiful, princess!" He praised the little one who started giggling at the attention. As you walked closer to the man towering over the little ones, a gasp left your lips before you could think of holding it back. Logan Howlett, a man who acted like Halloween preparation, was torture was.... dressed up?

Tears were close to falling as he turned around. He acted as if nothing was going on, "Hey darlin' how was work?" He asked, closing the front door before walking over to you to kiss the crown of your head. "It-it was good." You stuttered slightly as you took his form in the costume fully in. "Your dressed up" you said, and he nodded "Well yeah, you bought us the costumes" He shrugged, "I thought you wanted me to be dressed up, the kids have been loving it but I did scare a toddler earlier" He frowned deeply "I gave them extra candy." He explained and looked at the bowl that was close to being empty, "Well I've been giving them all extra candy. They've been great costumes, though!" He tried to defend his actions, making you laugh.

"I'll go get my costume on, and you can tell me what I missed while we wait for me, kids." You said as you went to the bedroom to change. When you came out, his heart skipped a beat. To him, you were just so perfect.

For the rest of the night, he sat on the porch with you and filled you in on the costumes you'd missed earlier in the night.

That night, you realized something, Logan may not be excited to do many things that you loved to do, but he would do anything for you.

Tagging:

@userchai

@mahi-tamashi

@100percentlazybonez

@lanassmarty

@western-pyro

@misscrissfemmefatale

@marit332

@navs-bhat

@fluffy-b33z

@chaimshelii

@aoi-targaryen

@eyes-ofhell

@sad0ni0n

@fries11

I think the taglist is updated? Lmk if it isn't and I'll add you! This taglist is just for Logan!! I'm planning on starting to write for Bucky again so lmk if I should make a taglist for him as well <3

#logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett x you #logan howlett fluff #wolverine #wolverine fluff #wolverine x reader #xmen x reader #logan howlett imagine #james logan howeltt #logan howlet #halloween imagine #logan howlett x gn reader #logan howlett x female reader #logan howlett x male reader #logan howlett fanfic #logan wolverine #wolverine imagine

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retrolvr4 · 6 months ago

Text

I’d Fix It If I Could

Darry Curtis x Female Reader

Pt 1

Warnings- Smut, fingering, oral (female receiving), p in v, reader has female anatomy, praise, orgasm denial if you squint

A/n- you don’t have to read the first part to understand the second! Thank you all so much for all the support on my previous fic’s, I appreciate it so much 💗 Hope you enjoy this one!

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You had fixed Dinner for Soda, Pony, Darry and yourself. The rest of the boys having gone off to other places for nightly activities.

“I know a hot meal probably isnt ideal considering the circumstances but I hope you boys still like it” you said as you set down plates of spaghetti in front of the boys.

“Dont worry your pretty little head, this looks delicious, thank you for making dinner darling” Darry said to you and gave you a kiss on the cheek. Resulting in a ‘yuck’ from Pony and Soda.

You were grateful he allowed himself to sit down and let you make and serve dinner. He was always working or busy with something and you enjoyed being able to help out.

“Y/n it looks real good and i'm always starving after work” Soda complemented

“Yeah y/n, I've been wantin’ spaghetti real bad, thanks for makin’ it for me” Pony gushed

You laughed and thanked them all for the praises on the simple dish.

The four of you sat down for dinner, Pony talking about the latest book he’d read, Soda talking about weird customers he ran into all while Darry watched you adoringly, he loved how good you got along with Pony and Soda and how much you cared for them. Always asking about their days and laughing at their stories, comforting them if something went awry, and threatening to beat up guys double your size if you heard they hurt Pony.

After the four of you had eaten, Pony and Soda headed to their rooms while you and Darry cleaned up dinner. Darry was washing the dishes while you cleaned off plates from the table.

“I never knew a man could look so hot washing dishes” you giggled, slightly mesmerized by Darry’s biceps and his muscular figure he had built from the long days spent at work. You set the dishes down in the sink then wrapped your arms around Darry’s waist from behind, you slowly began to press gentle kisses on to his back, working your way up to his shoulder blades.

“Doll you can’t keep teasin’ me like this” he groaned “I’m not gonna make it if you keep getting me all worked up” You felt him shiver

“What if I want you to be all worked up” you whispered back

“Well thankfully all the dishes are clean” He replied drying his hands off with a towel

“But don’t they need dried and put away” you teased, continuing to work slow kisses along his shoulder.

Darry turned himself around so he was now facing you, you laid your head on his chest and were now hugging his waist. He held the back of your head with his hands, playing with your hair and massaging your scalp. You sighed contentedly at his actions, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to be engulfed in his scent.

You heard the creak of a door opening then the padding of footsteps down the hall. You turned your head to face who you heard, not leaving Darry’s arms. You saw Soda giving you an amused look and Pony standing behind him with a teasing grossed out face.

“I’m gonna go meet with Steve, there’s some party he wants to go to tonight, I probably won’t be back till late” Soda told you and Darry

“And I wanna go to the drive in, I told Johnny I’d meet him there, I’ll probably be home late too” Pony chimed in

“Alright, just be safe and I’ll tan both of your hides if you're not back home by the time I’m up tomorrow morning” Darry threatened, only half kidding.

You left Darry’s embrace to give Soda and Pony quick hugs “have fun, and call if you need anything” You said to them, both of them leaving soon after.

“We got lucky” you smiled, heading back over to Darry “got the house all to ourselves”

“Exactly what we needed sweet thing” Darry cooed, he picked you up, holding on tightly to your waist. Seconds later his lips were on yours, hungrily kissing you. He moved you over to set you down on the counter, still kissing you needily.

He moved his hands down to your thighs running his fingers along them as he began to kiss down your neck and onto your collar bone.

“Been needing you so bad” he muttered between kisses, small whimpers coming from you. You worked your hands through his hair, pulling on the strands when he would suck and gently bite on your skin.

“Youre gonna leave marks” you said softly, not opposed to the idea but wanting to make sure he knew.

“I want to honey” he replied, looking up at you with big eyes “want you to think about me when you see em’”

Your stomach flipped at the sight of him, the lustful look in his eyes, the small smirk that played on his face, as you felt him gently running his hands along your thighs and hips.

“Darry I need you” you whimpered out.

Darry quickly picked you back up and carried you down the hall to his room, softly setting you down on his bed. He climbed on top of you and tugged your tank top over your head, his lips back on yours in an instant. He unclasped your bra with ease, throwing it to the side.

He pulled back from you to admire your figure “You’re so beautiful my sweet girl” he praised

You blushed at his complements and pulled him back into you, kissing him slowly and sweetly, in contrast to the fast pace that had previously been set.

You tangled your hands into his hair and he moved one of his hands to your breast, he cupped it then gently began toying with your nipple, slowly rubbing circles and lightly pinching. The sensation made you moan softly and he groaned at the noises you were producing.

You began to play with the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it up, hinting at what you were wanting.

“Words baby” he said, noticing your actions

“Can I take your shirt off?” you shyly asked him

“course you can” he replied sweetly

You lifted his shirt over his head, admiring his toned figure for a moment before you crawled into his lap, wrapping your legs around his waist, and began kissing his neck, moving your way down to his collarbone. His quick breaths and grunts had you pooling with arousal, you felt his erection on your thigh so you knew you werent the only one getting worked up.

He began to toy with your waistband, “love when you wear these shorts, they look so beautiful on you” he groaned out, you hummed in response.

“can I take em’ off?” he asked you sweetly

“Yes, please honey” you said eagerly, and he moved you onto your back, shimmying the shorts down your soft legs.

Darry hovered over you for a moment before leaning down to give you a loving kiss, then working his way down your body, kissing every part of you. He stopped just below your belly button. Looking up at you with loving eyes “this okay?”

You nodded quickly, desperately needing him closer to where you desired him most.

He pulled your undies down and placed a sweet kiss on your swollen clit. He quickly licked up the arousal that had been forming “so wet for me” he muttered, tongue diving between your folds.

He slowly pushed two fingers into you, you groaned at the sensation and grabbed onto his hair, it had once been cleanly slicked back but you had made a mess of it by now.

You felt a sensation building in your stomach as Darry worked his fingers in and out of you, curling them to hit the soft spongy spot inside of you.

Just as he was about to push you over the edge he quickly pulled away. You whined at the loss of contact and he shushed you.

“Can you wait a little bit for me baby? You’re doing so good” he cooed

You groaned but agreed to his request.

He unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down along with his underwear.

You nearly drooled at the sight in front of you, Darry was hard and throbbing and the look in his eyes told you he desperately needed you.

He moved so he was hovering over you, your gaze met his and you gave him a nod to signal that you were ready. He lined himself up with your entrance and slowly began to push into you.

You gasped at the sensation, pressure building as your body tried to adjust to his size.

“Youre doing so good for me” Darry praised “you okay honey?” he asked, wanting to know before he pushed further into you. You nodded and he pushed into you the rest of the way. You were completely filled with him and he groaned at the pressure of your walls clinging to him.

He began to thrust in and out of you, slowly at first but your whines of pleasure encouraged him to move quicker. He moved his face into the crook of your neck in an unsuccessful attempt to muffle his moans. You were a mess underneath him, moaning at the sensation with each move of his hips, you were frantically grabbing him anywhere you could, squeezing his biceps, scratching his back, tugging on his hair, any kind of contact you could get with him.

“Fuck” Darry groaned “feel so good doll” he managed to get out between heavy breathes.

You felt your orgasm approaching as pressure built in your stomach.

“I’m so close Dare” you cried out. He quickly moved his lips to yours, swallowing your moans, he continued to thrust into you, hitting the perfect spot every time.

You sloppily kissed him as you felt your release nearing, one of your hands holding on to the side of his face while the other tugged on his hair. He held tightly onto your hips holding you in place as he fucked you. He felt you clenching around him knowing he was nearing his release as well.

“It’s okay baby” He cooed to you, signaling to you to allow yourself to release all the pressure that had been building.

With a few more sloppy thrusts you were pushed over the edge, the pressure releasing as you were thrown into pure bliss. When Darry felt your walls clench around him he was soon releasing inside of you. Groaning as the two of you rode out your highs together.

When you had caught your breath, you kissed him on the forehead, he was a sweaty mess but he looked so handsome. Both of you whispered ‘I love you’s’ and Darry praised “you did so good, you're so beautiful”

After sweet kisses and giggles Darry stood up to go run a bath for you. You whined at the loss of his contact “I’m just gonna start a bath so I can get you cleaned up, I’ll be right back” he said with a small laugh.

You sat up and threw Darry’s previously discarded shirt on to cover up your exposed body.

Darry was back seconds later as he had said and he raised his eyebrows at you wearing his shirt “practically swimming in that thing” he chuckled as he moved towards you and placed a kiss on your forehead. He wrapped his arms under your legs and back and picked you up to carry you to the bathroom.

“Darry I can walk” you said with a teasing attitude

“Nope, you're getting carried” He responded and kissed your forehead.

Darry set you down on the countertop in the bathroom and helped you pull the shirt off, he then picked you up and set you back down in the bath, now filled with warm water.

He helped you wash your body, massaging and scratching your back in the process.

After you were cleaned up he’d given you a clean shirt of his per your request, you told him it was still too hot to put your pajamas on and you batted your eyes at him as you asked if you could just wear one of his shirts to bed. He agreed of course, knowing he couldn't say no to you especially when you looked at him like that.

Both of you laid down in bed, worn out from your previous activities. Darry placed a hand on your thigh, rubbing small circles along your hip as the two of you fell asleep.

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#the outsiders #darry curtis #darrel curtis #darrel curtis x reader #darry curtis x reader #darry curtis x y/n #darry curtis x you #80s #darry curtis smut #darrel curtis x you #darrel curtis smut

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mothandpidgeon · 2 months ago

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Nine Lives (witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader) - Part 3

Moth's Masterlist // follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader

rating: T (evenual E) MDNI

summary: As you came into your powers and your curves filled in, Ezra realized he feelings for you were more than just affection. The only problem? He's a 300 year old crused witch. Oh, and he's a cat.

contents: age gap (like 300 years), angst, slow burn, yearning, probably anachronistic witchy stuff, Ezra is a cat, he won't be forever, this isnt a beastiality thing, mentions of abuse moth never uses y/n.

wc: 4.3k

a/n: I've had a tough couple of weeks (I mean, this week, who hasn't). I hope this will bring some of you joy this weekend. You deserve it. If it did, please please let me know. That would really cheer me up. Also, in case you missed it, going forward I'm going to be updating every 2 weeks. I really hope I can keep it up!

I must thanks @moonlitbirdie and @lowlights for the beta and their massive support of me in life and in writing this. Also thank you @schnarfer for helping me brainstorm some plot!

🐈‍⬛

Aunt Margot’s ringing up a tattooed girl with glasses when you stomp into the shop. You swing the door open so violently that it’s bell thwacks into the wall. You had almost a mile in the woods to walk it off but your anger has only grown, ballooning into a hot rage that’s devouring everything in your path.

“How was it?” Margot asks with a sly smile once the customer’s left with their little brown paper bag.

“River’s disgusting,” you announce.

“What happened?” her expression immediately clouds with concern.

“This is exactly why I don’t date witches. I told you that I didn't want to be set up with him.” you rant, blowing past her into what was once the dining room.

There’s still a turned leg table at its center, now piled with goods for sale. Percy winds his way between beeswax candles and hand-poured soaps.

“Oh yes I really forced him on you,” she says with sarcasm. “I recall the two of you were practically necking in front of the whole coven last night.”

You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you almost fucked River or the term necking that grosses you out more but you cringe.

“He’s so backwards. Guys like him make me ashamed to be a witch,” you say.

“How can you say such a thing? Ashamed to be a witch! Do I need to remind you just how lucky you are? After what we’ve been through? Our kind was almost wiped off the face of the earth. By mortals like your little boyfriends,” she says.

“I’m so tired of hearing that. It’s a shitty excuse. Mortals killed witches hundreds of years ago so we get a free pass to do whatever we want. To treat our familiars like slaves,” you reply.

She scoffs. “Percy do you hear that?”

He squeaks indignantly.

“He’s offended by that,” she tells you.

“He should be. It’s worse than offensive. It’s evil!” you say. Your voice echoes so loudly it rattles the antique silvered mirror hanging over the mantle.

Margot gathers Percy in her palm calmly stroking his white fur, her eyebrow arched in a way that tells you she’s trying to be patient. You shouldn’t take out it on her. She’s never been anything but good to her familiar.

“Do you know what he said about Ezra?” You can feel tears begin to bite at your eyes.

She frowns when she reaches into your mind to hear it herself.

“His family’s always held onto the old ways," she says, shaking her head in disappointment.

“Don’t make excuses for him,” you snap.

She tucks Percy into the pocket of her cardigan and places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“He’s an idiot and I’m proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself too. All of you,” she says.

–

The basement of the Arcane Page might be described as spooky, what with its cobwebs and dusty, amber jars. Apothecary shelves stocked with potions, rare ingredients, and animal bones meet the low ceilings. Disused broomsticks sit in the corner along with willow branches and a black goat’s horn. There are all manner of spell books down here along with hand written notes from your ancestors. At the center of the room there’s a wide oak table carved with runes and spells. It smells like ink and dried leaves and magic.

The warm sunset streams through the egress windows catching the dust that floats in the air. Margot didn’t have to be a mind reader to know you wanted to be alone and so she didn’t put up a fight when you offered to close up on your own. After you closed the register and locked the front door, you ventured down to the part of the shop meant only for witches.

Your plan was just to have some quiet before venturing upstairs where Ezra would be waiting. For all you knew he was still huddled under the bed. You could abhor River but only one of you had actually hurt your familiar. You couldn’t bring yourself to face Ezra knowing you were just as bad as the rest of them.

You start opening old books. Spell books and ancient texts. You’re looking for something, what it is you can’t be certain. All you know is that you felt drawn down here, your fingers itching for the parchment pages.

When you were a young witch, you came here often. There were spell books that had become your favorites, embellished with intricate illustrations. You memorized charms for changing the color of your hair and shuffled a dog-eared set of tarot cards. This was where you cast some of your very first spells. Magic made the world feel full of wonder yet it gave you some control, an order to things that would otherwise be chaos.

That’s gone now. All of it mixed up— pride and shame, power and weakness, love and loss.

You pull a large volume from the shelf, its soft leather cover embossed with constellations. heavy and thick, You need both hands to carry it to the table where it lands with a thud and a gasp of dust escapes into the air.

You turn it open, the aged glue of its spine cracking. You run your fingers over the delicate pages, so thin you can practically see through them. They’re covered in a careful hand and you can’t help but wonder about the witches that set these spells down, what advice they’d have for you.

The magic in here is convoluted, singular spells that spill over pages and pages with diagrams and celestial calendars. Some are written in verse so dense you can barely make out their meaning. They remind you of the cadence of Ezra’s voice.

These are not small acts of witchcraft. There are instructions for summoning beasts and recipes for potions that restore youth to be brewed specially on the solstice. Some of it feels dangerous— curses against unfaithful lovers, spells to wake the dead and use them for your bidding.

You read through them all with mild curiosity. You have no reason to reanimate a dead horse or brew a cure for quinsy— whatever that is— though it would be amusing to cast a perpetual dancing spell on River if you didn’t think it would kill him.

You chuckle to yourself as you imagine him dancing uncontrollably, his limbs uncontrollable, as you turn the page. And there you see it.

What you didn’t know what you were looking for has found you.

–

You barge into the apartment with a wild look in your eye. Ezra’s still curled up in your spot on the bed. He’s been there most of the afternoon, letting bad memories flood his mind.

After the elders turned him, Ezra promised himself that he would be better. He’d been selfish and dishonest. Quick to anger. It was out of necessity, he’d told himself, but obviously it had only brought him suffering. He would change. But had he? He’d let you care for him, had loved you and fantasized about you, and he’d hurt you.

You’re calling his name, breathless from running up the stairs, with a leather bound book under your arm.

Ezra lingers in the bedroom door, guilt still festering.

“Look,” you say, setting the tome open on the little breakfast table with a thud. It seems as though you’ve forgotten everything, a whirl of urgency about you.

Ezra hops up and seats himself in front of the weathered pages. He takes in the verses there, the drawing scratched with quill and ink. It’s complicated and obscure, laborious instructions that must be followed to the letter. Behind him you’re nearly bouncing with untamed energy.

“What are you showing me?” he asks. He knows. The spell is exact but its outcome is clear.

“It’s a transfiguration spell,” you explain.

“That much is clear but—“

“I want to do it,” you say. There’s a determination in your words, a fiery assuredness that makes Ezra’s heart pick up. “I want to turn you back into a human.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No. It’s all right here. And it says under the moon of All Hallow’s Eve. That’s just in a few weeks,” you add excitedly.

“Little mage, I needn’t explain why this is folly,” he says.

It pains him to say it and not just because being human again would be the greatest gift. Your expression is a mix of frustration and heartbreak.

“You propose to defy the Elders’ judgment. They won’t take kindly to that,” he says.

“Fuck them,” you hiss. “The laws have changed. If you were convicted now, they’d take your powers but they wouldn’t make you live like this.”

“They’ll take yours if you do something so foolish,” he says. It comes out harsh but he’s angry that you’d risk your powers for him. That he wants so badly to accept.

“You don’t deserve to be a fucking cat. You should get a normal life,” you say, your body sagging onto the sofa like it can’t stand the weight of it all anymore.

“That’s quite a touching sentiment.” Ezra tries to couch the words in sarcasm but his voice breaks. He jumps down from the table and situates himself on the cushion beside you.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” you ask, defeated. Tearful eyes look towards the ceiling before falling onto him. “When they put you on trial. Why didn’t you tell the elders what he’d done?”

Ezra’s head sinks between his shoulders.

Damon was the kind of witch that only used his powers to numb himself to the rest of the world. He brewed potions that made him neglectful of his daughter one moment, belligerent towards her the next. Ezra had never considered himself a do-gooder. He saw the girl with bruises and said nothing. He was so disinterested in the goings on, he’d never even bothered to learn her name until his trial. Largely, he ignored them until the night he took Damon’s life.

Ezra hadn’t meant to engage him. It was a snide remark he made that pulled Damon’s attention away from berating Cee. Soon the two of them came to blows, Damon throwing the first punch with an accusation. Ezra was scrappy but there was a point when Damon had him pinned down and he thought his time was up. So when he was able to break free, Ezra made sure he wouldn’t be bested.

“You can’t understand how precarious it was for us then,” he says. “A hundred years of witch hunts. The life of a witch, even one as detestable as Damon was precious.”

Maybe if they’d known how Damon treated one of their kind, they would have shown Ezra leniency. But the real reason he accepted his punishment was because he knew it had been his own fault. Had he intervened earlier, gotten the Elders involved, it wouldn’t have ended in murder. You might think him a hero, but when the Elders made Ezra her familiar, Cee made it clear that she did not.

You sigh, a slight shake of your head, and you sink back into the sofa.

“You are a more than capable witch but this is ancient magic. It took the powers of no less than three elders to change me,” Ezra says as if it’s any consolation.

“Maybe Margot—“

“You’d both risk your powers,” he stops you. “No, little mage. It’s impossible.”

—

“I’m not coming,” you say.

Aunt Margot is loading a carpet bag into the trunk of her station wagon. Nearly a month has passed since the equinox. Halloween is two days away which means it’s time for your annual trip to Salem where the coven will be gathered through Samhain. The celebrations will be days long, singing and food, apple bobbing and fortune telling. Your little gathering doesn't compare.

Last night you couldn’t bring yourself to pack.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

”I’m sorry,” you say with a shrug.

You’ve been waffling on this decision for weeks but you’ve made up your mind. Even if it disappoints Aunt Margot.

”But everyone will miss you. And Simone’s making her gumbo,” she says.

”I know,” you say.

As Margot babbles out more reasons why you really shouldn’t stay home (“The spirit walk just won’t be the same without you”), Ezra snakes between your legs. You were nervous of how she’d take this news and Ezra promised to be moral support.

She throws out her hands with a pout. “I can’t stand thinking about you alone for All Hallows Eve,” she says.

“I won’t be alone,” you say, picking Ezra up and scratching under his chin.

“I will miss the gumbo,” he tells her.

“No Ezra,” she contemplates. “Maybe I can actually win at Scrabble.”

“Perchance,” he says, and you know she’s mentally tabulating the word score.

“Is this because of River?” She narrows her eyes.

It’s not. While you certainly won’t miss him, you wouldn’t let some dickwad keep you from having a good time. It’s all of them, really. Esme and the rest of them. Knowing how they think of Ezra, how they think of you, it makes you want to scream. You can’t subject him to their scorn and disdain, you won’t. You’d rather spend All Hallows Eve at home.

And then there’s that little part of you. The one that knows it’s preposterous and downright idiotic yet still hopes that you can put the Halloween moon to good use. Ezra shut that down fast but, oh, how good would it feel for the funny little witch to give them all the middle finger? .

“I’m just not in the spirit,” you say.

“Well it won’t feel like All Hallows Eve without you,” she sighs.

“I know,” you say. There’s a lump in your throat. You’ve never been apart from her for Samhain. There are countless warm memories of Halloweens past. When Margot got you your very first cauldron. The taste of pumpkin pie. The year of the freak snowstorm.

With another sigh and the jingle of her bracelets, Margot pulls you into an embrace. The smell of vetiver hangs off her hair and you breathe it in deeply.

“I’ll light a candle for you,” she promises.

“Thanks,” you say.

“And I’m going to jinx River’s socks. They’ll be damp for a month,” she says.

You laugh.

The horn of her car beeps and you break the hug to see Percy appear at the top of the steering wheel.

“He’s worried about the traffic on the Thruway,” she tells you. “I’m coming!”

“Take care of her,” she says to Ezra, petting along his jaw

He nods.

When Margot’s tail lights disappear down the street, you sit beside Ezra on the front steps.

“You could go,” he says.

“I made the right choice,” you say, stroking down the shiny fur on his back.

“So what now?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I've always wanted to go trick or treating,” you say.

“That’s blasphemy, little mage,” Ezra quips.

—

Ezra holds you in his arms. Human arms. Your skin is warm against his as you lay tangled together. The morning light catches on the prism beads you have hanging in your bedroom window, little rainbows dancing across the walls and rumpled bedspread. His lips brush across your forehead, leaving a ghost of a kiss at your hairline. You sigh dreamily and your fingertips graze his bare chest. You‘re just barely awake when you turn your face up to him, your eyes warm like you missed him while you were sleeping. He greets you with a kiss, your lips opening to him with a low hum. His fingers tangle with yours as the grasp the spindles in the headboard.

His name comes out of you in a gasp of breath.

He’s had these dreams for years but they’ve been happening almost every night since you showed him that spell. Sometimes passionate– your thighs opening as he explores your body— but just as often innocuous. Picking flowers in the meadow by his boyhood home. Bringing you tea as you read on the porch swing.

Each dream is so alluring, even the most banal, he wakes up with the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to ask you to risk it all and turn him.

You haven’t brought it up again in the weeks since you set that spellbook in front of him. Maybe you thought better of it. Maybe you were just angry. You told him about your spat with River and, while it touched him that you’d come to his defense, he knew it was an impulsive choice.

Either way, it’s for the best.

It wouldn’t end well. Of course, you’d be putting yourself at risk. He’d made that very clear to you. There are a thousand other reasons why it shouldn’t be done. He’s probably forgotten how to be human and what he would do with himself in this day and age, he has no idea. The only job experience he’s had in the past two hundred years is rat catching.

The logistics of being a human matter little to him, though. His real concern is with you.

He’ll no longer be your companion. You won’t scratch behind his ears, invite him to lay in your lap. You’ll probably expect him to move on and live the life he’s always wanted. He can’t think of one that doesn’t involve you.

At least as a cat, he never has to know if you’d choose another man over him.

He’s laying awake, pondering this once again, when your eyes crack open. Warm mid morning light pours in through the lace curtains, bathing you in a honeyed glow. With Margot out of town and the store closed, the two of you had been on your own, spending the previous dsy together. A walk in the woods, a visit to the coffee shop where other patrons greeted Ezra with friendly scritches. You bailed on plans with the mortal Connor to watch movies and snuggle Ezra on the couch. It should have been enough, that’s what he thought when the credits rolled and you were snoring on the couch, your fingers buried in his scruff. He could share a lifetime of this with you and be grateful for it. But he was greedy.

”Happy Halloween,” you say.

You pull him close and he nuzzles into your warm skin.

“You were in my dream,” you say. Your voice is still rough from sleep, still somewhere far away like you haven’t fully regained consciousness.

Ezra’s cheeks heat under his fur. It’s not just the raspiness of your throat but his shame. If only you knew what he’d been dreaming about.

“I was doing that spell. To change you,” you say.

“I would’ve hoped for something more scintillating.” He plays it off as a joke.

You huff a laugh and rest your wrist across your forehead, eyes cast towards the ceiling. “Right when you turned I woke up,” you say.

Ezra doesn’t want to admit it— that he was thinking about that very spell, that he wants your dream to be a premonition. Witches have been known to have those. No, that’s wishful thinking.

He gets to his feet and stretches out.

“What a pity you missed my face. I can’t quite remember my own countenance,” he says.

You sigh with exasperation. “I think it’s a sign,” you say.

“Our dreams are just that,” he tells you.

“Not this one. It wasn’t just a dream,” you insist. You sit up on your elbows meeting his eye with eagerness. “I can do it.”

“I told you—“

“Ezra, I want to do it,” you say with finality. “I want you to be human again.”

He grits his teeth. If he was capable of crying, he might after hearing your words, seeing that resolution in your expression. It takes all of his strength to not just give in and say yes. You know the reasons why it shouldn’t be done and he can’t tell you the ones that make him hesitant.

“You would turn me knowing how much more capable I am of violence? I might be declawed but I will be far more dangerous as man than beast.,” he asks. It still weighs on him even though it’s been weeks since the equinox and it seems you’ve all but forgotten it.

“I trust you,” you say. There’s a tenderness in your eyes that makes Ezra’s heart swell.

He knows you mean it. You shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve to be trusted, to be loved by you. He was never a good man, never stood up for anyone else. And it’s that very reason that’s had his mind in knots. He’s selfish. He wants this chance.

Maybe, maybe you’ll give him the same look as a human and he can love you back the way he’s always wanted.

“Besides, I know how to defend myself,” you say with a grin.

That’s his little mage.

“Very well,” he says. “I’m ready.”

–

You light the final candles on the oak table. The basement is illuminated by the dim glow of candles. You’ve spent the whole day down here with Ezra readying everything for the moon of All Hallows Eve.

Luckily Aunt Margot will be gone for the week so you don’t have to worry about interruptions. You’re not sure how she’ll react but right now, frankly, you don’t care. This is the right thing to do, you keep telling yourself. It’s justice. It’s not about the thrill you feel now, butterflies in your belly.

You’ve daydreamed about it and after last night’s dream, your imagination feels closer than ever There’s no good picture in your mind of what Ezra will be like but his looks aren’t important. You can’t wait to do normal things with him. What will it be like to get a coffee with Ezra? To do rituals together at Ostara. To hear his old stories again, made new by his facial expressions.

He’s quiet, nervous you’re sure, beside your cauldron. His golden eyes flit from the flames to the spellbook to the darkened window. Your excitement cools and suddenly you’re worried that your enthusiasm got the better of you. Had you pressured him into agreeing to this? He’s still your familiar after all, bound to serve you.

You kneel at the edge of the table.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to,” you say.

“As long as you’re certain you’re willing to take on the risks,” he tells you.

You nod.

“Very well,” he says.

You look at one another for a long time, both knowing that this will be the last time things are the same. You memorize everything about him, his elegant face, the whiskers beside his little black nose, the streak of white fur above his eye. This is your Ezra, will always be even if he doesn’t exist in this form. You wish you could thank him for everything he’s done for you but the words are stuck in your throat. It won’t do to start crying now when you need to focus and recite the incantation clearly.

“I love you, Ezra,” you manage.

He responds with a long, slow blink and you kiss his forehead.

The potion is murky and thick as you ladle it into a dish. Ezra recoils when you place it in front of him.

“Smells like piss,” he says with a wince before lapping it up. A shiver runs over his body, down the length of his tail. “Tastes like it.”

He leaps onto the table and settles at the center of the carved pentagram.

“Work your magic, little mage,” he says.

This is it. It’s all laid out just like your dream but you’re still anxious. There’s no room for error.

With a deep breath, you straighten your back and begin to say the words. You read them countless times throughout the day, memorizing each verse so that it can flow from your heart to your tongue. As each one leaves your mouth, you visualize them on the page. Magic begins to stir in you, a tingle beneath your skin.

Ezra lays on his belly, his eyes drifting close, paws outstretched towards you.

You shut your eyes tight and focus your energy, like a beam of pure magic directed towards him and say the words again.You think about him, really envision his details down to the hair. Memories flood you. Ezra rubbing up on the old books in the store. His soft purrs against your chest when your heart felt heavy. The time he slipped on the edge of the tub and fell into your bath. The love you feel for him radiates in your chest all the way to your fingertips.

You’re squeezing all of it palms, every drop of energy within you aimed at Ezra. A vibration, an earthquake.

You say the words a final time.

Lightheaded. Breathless. Exhausted.

Your eyes flutter open.

Ezra lays on the table just as you left him. Unchanged.

“No.” The word slips from your mouth nothing more than a whisper.

Ezra blinks, looking down at his black paws.

You see his shoulders sag and a long moment passes as he gathers himself before looking at you.

It doesn’t make sense. You did everything right, just as you’d seen in your sleep. You’ve never cast with such fervor.

“Okay,” you say, swallowing hard around a sob. “We’ll do it again. The moon will be higher.” You can hear your own desperation, voice shaking as you try not to lose faith.

Ezra slowly sits himself up.

“Maybe you need more potion,” you suggest.

“No, little mage,” he says, resigned.

“Ez–” You’ve failed him. Your chest burns, tears brim in your eyes.It feels like you might collapse from the exertion and sheer heartbreak that’s overwhelming you.

“It’s alright. I’ve been a cat for more than a few years. And so I shall remain,” he says.

🐈‍⬛

Part 4

Again, it would really make my day to hear from you if you've come this far! My asks and dms are always open!

#ezra #ezra prospect #witchy #ezra prospect x f!reader #ezra x f!reader #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal #prospect fic

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crispyjenkins · 4 months ago

Text

mandalore the young cont.

original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!

@malcontent-crow

#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)

#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own

#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?

#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?

#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult

#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else

#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?

(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)

sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao

it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed

hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo

SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀

so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.

I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.

one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he

wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.

he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.

he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.

so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.

and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force

so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.

i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.

and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.

so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.

okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?

now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.

so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.

what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?

I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.

now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.

for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?

okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?

maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.

to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.

NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?

okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.

could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.

haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.

now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.

Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.

the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.

#prequel trilogy #time travel au #obi wan kenobi #star wars #crow i love the way you breakdown everyone's characters and expand on what i'm putting down #like in the two blocks of tags that i've italicised #they make me feel all warm and fuzzy that you're getting so much out of what i'm doing and also they're just a DELIGHT to read #and have informed later characterisations and changed how i've thought about stuff i've already written #mandalorans #world building #vhonte tervho #will be pulling many characters from repcom obv #but fuck karen traviss as both a person and an author so there's that heads up #also!! anyone can ask questions or comment or reply #would love to hear y'all's thoughts and ideas and i LOVE answering #this au would not exist without crow asking me all these questions. just straight up wouldn't exist #malcontent crow #still trying to figure out if i can work in luminara in a way that doesn't feel shoe-horned #several people have voted QuinObi which i am very much not against #it would be SO easy to have Quinlan just. book it to Mandalore #at first to convince Obi-Wan to COME BACK but then he sees what Obi is actually doing and realises he can't do that to Obi or to Mandalore #does Quinlan... STAY on Mandalore with him?? 👀 👀 does he accept he needs to let Obi-Wan go?#does he stay as a Jedi Shadow and help out or does he leave the Order too??#many questions many thoughts

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mythalism · 6 days ago

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the timing of someone apparently shitting on me for being a veilguard hater on some remote corner of tumblr is so funny because i was actually just in the shower like an hour before listening to the atonement ending suite and thinking about the things that i love about veilguard after almost 2 months of marinating on it, so apologies for destroying my reputation as a certified HATER!!!!!!! but i actually wanted to share these earlier so im still going to. i think its interesting especially because ive seen a lot of people that hate these same things about the game, but my opinion has stayed the same. its also interesting because OVERALL the more i think about veilguard the more i dislike it, but for these certain aspects, the more i think about them the more i love them.

THAT FUCKING SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! even two months later i get choked up listening to it. and guys....... i dont listen to lost elf anymore. like i just dont even think of it. thats not to say trevor morris isnt the greatest of all time, and the atonement ending song relies heavily on lost elf. i know. but my favorite parts of the atonement song are not even lost elf!!! overall i missed trevor deeply, i did not like the veilguard soundtrack. i even turned the music volume to 0 at some points because it felt like nails on a chalkboard to me (ghilannain fight music made me want to d*e). HOWEVER. this is supposed to be positive. and if you ask me to choose lost elf vs atonement theme... im choosing atonement theme. every time. the way it adds to lost elf is wonderful. it gives me chills. it is so haunting. i will never tire of it. I LOVE THIS FUCKING SOOOOOONG. i also love the dread wolf song. so honorable mention to that one.

i love the solavellan ending. i know people hate it but nothing i have seen has convinced me to abandon my love for it. it is the best ending we could have possibly gotten in a game where the veil stayed up. and yes obviously i think the veil should have come down. but my IDEAL ending would have been veil down, rook takes over the mantle of dread wolf, solas and lavellan give up their mortal bodies and become spirits together and ascend to the fade. and honestly thats pretty much what happens, just without the veil. i love the mythological fairy tale vibe. i love the bittersweetness. i love that it is both tragic and hopeful. i love that it is vague enough to leave the future open. i love that the devs refuse to confirm where exactly in the fade they are. i love the sigyn loki eros psyche parallels. i love the maker and andraste parallels. could it have been built up to better? absolutely. but thats an issue with the build up, not the ending. i thought solas was going to die and we were going to watch the light go out of his eyes as lavellan held him and sobbed. it is so much more hopeful than i expected. i love that we get to redeem him through the power of love. i love that lavellan forgives him. i love that they survive. I LOVE IT!!!! and i love it the more i think about it. ive tried to hate it because i understand the perspective of people who didnt like it, but i literally cannot make myself dislike it.

i love the solavellan ending scene itself. i love how inky creeps in through the door. dont ask how she got up there its fine. i love how she sneaks up on him. i love that she comes up those stairs and it parallels the prologue scene with varric. i love that she has a zinger ready for him. "even if those you have wronged asked you to stop?" oh its so fucking good. i love his pathetic defeated "vhenan". i love that he rejects her again. i love that he apologizes but stays true to his goals. i love that it takes something beyond lavellan and the modern world to finally crack him. i love the way he looks at mythal like a kicked puppy. i love the way he cannot meet her eyes. i love the way he crumples and sobs and we see a completely different side of him that I NEVER FUCKING EXPECTED TO SEE IN A MILLION YEARS???? i love mythal's coldness and frankness as she releases him. i love that she doesn't apologize. i love how fucked up and messy it is. i love how it speaks to their entire relationship being fucked up and messy. i love that it has given me so much to chew on about what the fuck was going on with them. i love the way lavellan kneels so she can see his face. i love that she speaks in elvhen (even if the translation leaves something to be desired). i love that its all in the hallelujah cadence. i love that he assumes she wont come with him. i love that she has to chase after him one more time. i love his fucking tear mesh. i love his face when he looks at her. i love that their scene is wedding coded. i dont love the kiss but im trying to be positive and its tiny in the grand scheme. i love her hand on his shoulder as they step into the fade. i have a few complaints about the scene but none of them are enough to cheapen my enjoyment of it.

i fucking love fragment mythal. obviously. but seriously. i love the scene where you get her approval its one of my favorites in the entire game. i love that its hard to get her approval. i love that she fucking kills you if you piss her off. i love her lines. "after he killed the swamp witch. AND WEPT." BITCH!!!! and "you are a thousand years from knowing the correct words" or whatever. I LOVE HER. i love how fucking nasty she is. i love how she has clearly been stewing in resentment for thousands of years. i love that she is rude and proud and haughty. i love that she'd be looking down her nose at you if she wasn't like 5 ft tall. i love the way she falls backwards off the ledge with her arms out and closes her eyes to transform into a fucking dragon. i love her condescension. i love the decapitated wolf statues in the background. i love the note from felassan that reveals solas made her an entire island for herself. i love that she reveals that he put her there. i love that he could not bring himself to visit her even once. ohhhhh my god it makes me dizzy. talking to her was a moment where the game felt like dragon age to me.

i love my lavellan in this game. did i want WAY more of her? yeah. and i expected more. but every moment we got i loved. the first scene with her is mostly whatever its appropriately formal for her meeting a stranger. but the way she stutters when talking about solas? when asking rook to give him a chance by using the wolf statue to learn more about him? the way she looks down and to the side as she says it? banger. masterpiece. the act 3 conversation makes me have to lay down. i can barely even talk about it without foaming at the mouth. i love her characterization. i love that she orders rook to tell her something like she has gotten used to the power of her title as inquisitor. i love her subtle desperation to have her hope for him validated cloaked under her inquisitor mask. i love how it begins to crack as the conversation goes on and she gets lost in the memories of him. i love her sincerity. i love the way she speaks bluntly and unapologetically of her love. i love her facial expressions and her furrowed brow. i love how confident and self assured she is. "or maybe im the prideful one, imagining his broken heart so that i do not have to face my folly; that i loved someone who made such terrible mistakes. that i might love him still" IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE GAME. perhaps. PERHAPS. in all of dragon age. yes im serious. its that insane to me. it feels like shakespeare wrote it. im only half kidding. i was rolling on the floor of my bedroom when i heard it. it still gives me chills. i love that her lines are in the hallelujah cadence. i love the way she talks about their relationship. i love how she is angry and indignant about his lies to her but that does not infringe upon her love. i love when she says "how could i have fallen in love with a god and not known? why didnt he tell me?' i love how sure she is that she knows the true solas. i love every word out of her mouth. i love all of it. that is my favorite scene in the game. i love when she shows up with dorian in the end. i love "is there any chance, any chance at all that he'd listen to reason?" i love her face when she says it. i love "speaking from the heart, inquisitor?" i love when dorian asks if shes heading out afterwards and she says "something like that" BE SOOOO FRRRR. SHE WAS FUCKING SCHEMING. there was not a moment that she was on screen that i did not love.

overall, i am happy with solas in this game. this one is last because its the weakest because i do criticisms but overall, i think it was fine LOL. my biggest worry was that they were going to completely woobify him and make him above reproach and erase the negative sides of him in favor of making him MORE sympathetic to new players. the fact that we got the opposite is crazy, but i vastly prefer it. id rather have him be too villainous than robbed of his complexity to be more palatable. that would have fully ruined the game for me. so the fact that we got to see him being an absolute prick little shit who betrayed us TWICE was wonderful. i loved being betrayed. i love the scene where he puts rook in the regret prison. i LOVE how he appears behind rooks shoulder in flashes and the player can see him but rook cant. i love how he circles rook like prey. i love how he does that cunty little thing with his hand over the dagger. i love that he taunts rook. i love that he doesnt actually take the dagger from them and instead waits for it to fall into his hand. its so immortal trickster god. i love that fucking scene. i love the "by my hand" line and how he looks you in the face as he manipulates his words so expertly. i love his banters with the companions. i looooooooved listening to him beef with elgar'nan. it felt so HIM. i was like YES!!!! THIS IS THE DREAD WOLF I WANTED TO MEET!!!! i was screaming during that quest. anyway. i wanted more of him. yeah. i dont really care that much that the companions and general story is weirdly unsympathetic to him. because it obviously didnt work!!! LMFAOOO 72% people still decided to redeem him so whatever! hes still pookie. im just so glad they didnt make him boring and lame. all my issues along this vein revolve more around the veil than solas, so i consider it a separate issue. i loved seeing mean nasty cunty trickster god.

ok in retrospect this list isnt that long KJHREGKJERG. however all of these things are very important to me so the fact that i love them is essential. like i truly got what i needed out of this game. i criticize it a lot but i would have done that even if the game was a 9/10 for me. i do it to literally everything i love. except fmab because its above reproach. but literally everything else. i was writing essays criticizing the percy jackson books on tumblr when i was 15. i have been criticizing dragon age online for 5+ years. veilguard aint special in catching my heat. critical analysis is in my soul. anyway i wanted banger solavellan ending that i could chew on for years and i got it. thats all i needed! ok now going to go listen to atonement ending suite again and transcend into the astral plane

#mine.txt

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fyxestroll · 11 days ago

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Moments Before Dinner Time

pairing: sanguinius x reader (fem.)

warnings: none

notes: possible ooc. sequal to this english isnt englishing today im eepy and sad over sanguinius being dead instead of studying for my chemistry quiz

His dreams failed to do you justice. Your laughter sounded even more beautiful in reality.

Your laughter was neither soft nor sounded like the elegant chime of bells, instead, it was loud, brash and unrestrained. Some would deem it improper and unbefitting of someone of your status but to Sanguinius? It was perfect.

It was you, the real you, the one you've hidden so well and the one he wants to know better.

But he has not seen you since the… incident at the bath.

And it has been days.

As hopes of a conversation waned by the hour, he eventually found himself standing at the front of your door, unsure whether or not to knock. The flowery skull carvings at the door burn holes into the Primarch as if to say ‘You fool.’ and he realises he has not been in this area of the ship since the wedding.

The wedding.

It had been months since then.

His heart sinks.

Months have passed since your union, since your soul was tied to his and he had not visited since. Sanguinius had known that he would not be the best husband the moment this marriage was thrust upon him. His status as a Primarch entailed a heavy responsibility and an authority that guaranteed that virtually any relation he should pursue would never be on equal terms. Not to mention that opening his heart to another is a separate can of worms on its own and—

“My Lord?”

The door is now open.

He looks down and sees you dressed in linen robes and with your hair styled in a simple braid. It’s the simplest thing he’s seen you wear since your first meeting.

“My Lord?” You call out again with the barest hint of impatience in your tone.

“Ye-Es?” His voice cracked pathetically.

“Is something the matter?”

“No. Nothing.” Other than him being terrible at marriage that is.

“I see. If that is the case, can you please move? You…have been blocking the doorway for quite some time now.”

Awkwardly, he complies.

You exit your room, head held high and exuding the grace of a noblewoman. From his left, he hears the telltale hiss of the door being shut and out scurries a woman, face hidden by the hood of her servant’s robes. Hurriedly, the servant trails behind you and eventually slows down to match your stride from exactly two steps behind.

As your footsteps echo around the hall his mind screams at him to do something, to walk, to follow, to do something, to –

“Where are you going?”

–And that…that sounded rude. Great going Sanguinius! You are slowly proving Magnus’ theory that you are somehow part avian!

Turning to face him you crane your neck to meet his eyes. “To the dining hall, My Lord.” You state taciturnly, “It is dinner time.”

“Then I will join you,” he offers and quickly adds “…if you do not mind that is.”

You all but raise your brow at the incredulity of his words, but nonetheless, you reply, “Very well,” and look to your maidservant, speaking to her in your mother tongue. The woman whispers something in return, to which you shake your head no before she continues walking down the hall, this time in a speedier manner.

Sighing, you explain. “I assumed you would be joining me so I sent her to the kitchens to have something prepared for you. I hope you do not mind eating a similar meal.”

“I do not mind.” He confirms with a small smile as he manoeuvres himself to stand by your side, careful to avoid accidentally swathing you with a wing. “What are we having for dinner?”

“A…simple stew. It is my homeworld’s equivalent of hunter’s stew and it is…my favorite.” One of your hands fiddles with an intricate gold ring on your finger, “I am aware it is considered peasant food. I–”

Sensing your nervousness Sanguinius interrupts, “I do not mind, still.” Mentally, he takes note of your favorite meal, “I, myself have grown up on simpler meals.”

“Really?!” You exclaim. It’s the most unrestrained he’s heard your voice get.

“Yes,” Most of the imperial nobility would hardly call dried meat, dates, the occasional edible plant and whatever else they could find on the wastelands of Baal ‘meals’ but the Blood made do. Wistfully, Sanguinius remembers how the elders in the tribe had insisted he ate more. “I grew up among nomads.”

“I…I did not know that. I–”

“Please don’t apologise.”

“Still–”

“You were not aware.”

“Being unaware is no…” you pause briefly, trying to find the right words in Gothic. “No excuse to make assumptions about a person!” You continue in the most restrained rant Sanguinius has ever bore witness to and as you spoke your accent slowly revealed itself, becoming thicker and thicker by the syllable.

And for the second time in this hour, Sanguinius realises something—well, two things.

One is that he’s married a stubborn woman and two, she could be briefly placated by putting a hand over her head.

“Then, would you like to know more?” He asks It’s both a question and an offer, one that he hopes you would say yes to.

“What?” Confusion is more than evident in your eyes so he reiterates.

“You appear in distress in knowing little about me and I know as much about you so would you like to know more?”

“I–Yes but it would be unfair if you are the only one sharing, yes?” There’s a look in your eyes, the same one he’d caught a brief glimpse of when he first saw you, when he had yet to put a name to your face.

It was a challenge.

“Yes,” He grins, “it would be unfair.”

“Then I would like to share too. However, I will only share as many facts or stories as you would.” Of course. Sanguinius might have known little about you but he knew that you were not the type to make deals without a compromise favorable to you.

But that is something Sanguinius doesn’t mind.

“Deal.”

You could say it is something he looks forward to

And with that the Bride and the Angel, side by side head to dinner. The stew was barely warm by the time husband and wife sat down but the couple were too entrenched in conversation to notice.

This would be the first of countless dinners of the same nature forever preserved by Remembrancers.

#warhammer x reader #wh40k x reader #warhammer 40k x reader #sanguinius x reader #primarch x reader #sanguinius #ngl gang i feel like i just drank up all of nurgle's weird soup rn #3 hours before the exam im so cooked

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vanishingcherry · 1 year ago

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NO REGRETS

authors note: this is for my darling @cs55version. i love you so much and your idea was just too tempting so i hope i did it justice! to everyone who sent in something for the 1k celly, thank you so much! i've started writing a few and i'm gonna try and get them out soon

masterlist

๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑

Max had arrived to the Silverstone paddock slightly earlier than the other drivers, the team wanting to talk to him in person before the rest of the reporters and fans get there.

He walked into the motorhome, heading to Christian's office where he furrowed his brows at the sight of around 5 people in the room, a lot less that what he had been expecting.

"Hey guys... where is everyone else? Am I too early?" he chuckled, taking a seat and looking up in confusion when nobody replied.

"Uh Max, you're right on time." Christian said, looking around the room and making eye contact with Helmut for a few seconds before continuing. "It's not a team meeting, per se. We just had a couple thoughts about your girlfriend."

Max's eyes lit up at the mention of his girlfriend, his previously suspicious expression discarded for one of pure joy. "She's great isn't she?! I love her," he exclaims as he thinks about the facetime he was on with you just an hour ago.

Although the media and fans only found out a few days ago, close friends and family had known about the relationship for a few months. There were also a couple people on the RedBull team who Max trusted enough to tell, and it seemed that all of them were currently in the room.

"Yeah about that," his PR manager says, "we aren't sure if she's the best in terms of publicity and the image we are going for."

"What?" said Max, looking around to see if they were joking, anger boiling when he realised they weren't. "And what 'image' are we doing for exactly?"

"Max," Christian sighs. "Look, I'm happy that you're happy with her, really. But, I mean, her style of dressing and her music, it's just not something we're comfortable with."

"So?" Max questioned, still adamantly defending you. "It's what she's comfortable with, I don't see why you have an opinion here."

"Max, no one likes her." Helmut piped up from behind the boy. "We've seen the tweets and discussions and data, the fans just don't like her. They don't like the way she dresses or her lyrics or anything. "

Max was getting aggravated, not understanding what everyone else's opinion had to do with his relationship.

"Look." said Max, "I don't care. I like it, and she likes it and thats all that matters. I don't care about what the fans think, and neither does she. She has fans for fucks sake, isn't that proof enough that people like her?"

"We're sorry Max, but she isn't feasible for the team. It's your choice, but everyone thinks you should break up. I understand if you don't, but in that case we are going to have to do some form of damage control." His PR manager looks sympathetic, but Max could care less in the moment.

"Exactly, it's my choice. I am done with this conversation okay? We are not breaking up. Do whatever the fuck you want, but do not talk to me about her." Max slams the door behind him, walking away as everyone in the rooms sighs almost simultaneously, knowing that the conversation had gone miraculously bad.

"Do what you have to," said Christian to the PR team, "don't bother Max for a while."

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redbullracing lovely to have you @.kellypiquet! ...perhaps a new couple on the grid? 👀

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f1fan WHAT? DID REDBULL JUST HARD LAUNCH MAX'S RELATIONSHIP?

↳ f1fan2 i am so confused bcs i remember him saying that his girlfriend was a singer in an interview

↳ maxfan1 oh yeah... forgot about that

↳ f1fan2 and as far as i know, kelly piquet isnt a singer

kellypiquet thanks for having me!

maxfan wait what happened to that other girl? were those actually just rumours then?

↳ maxfan3 probably 😭 people love making stuff up on twitter

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maxverstappen this is my girlfriend, the most spectacular person i am honoured to know. i love you, schatje.

we weren't planning to tell the world yet, but i was forced to because of some false information my team has implied. nonetheless, i am very happy to share with the world the person i love most.

i would appreciate it if all the fans treat her with the respect she deserves.

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yourusername no regrets

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pacifymebby · 1 year ago

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Hello❤️ if your requests were still open I was wondering if you'd do peaky blinders headcannons for some of the blinders (it doesn't have to be all if you don't want to do them all) but for them and a female reader who they get put into an arranged marriage with and after they get married they find out she already has a baby or young child? You totally don't have to do it if you don't want to or aren't comfortable with it!! I blame the idea on my current baby fever 😂😂 You're amazing and I hope you're doing well❤️❤️

Tommy

🌿 Going to be surprised but quietly impressed you kept it from him so well. He did his research into you and nothing about a baby came up.

🌿He will however be angry with you and your family because you weren't honest with him. He won't confrobt you immediately however you will notice the change in his mood. How cold and harsh he is to you. You don't know it but every time he shoots you one of those icy unforgiving stares, he's contemplating going to war with your family over it.

🌿At first he believes you have betrayed him, he sees it as your family trying to insult his family.

🌿Won't feel sorry for you despite knowing you didn't want to be married to him. You had the opportunity to be honest with him and for whatever reasons you lied to him too.

🌿However, there's no screaming or shouting, he doesn't threaten you. Honestly every time he looks at you he thinks he could hit you, thinks he could kill you and each deceitful bastard family member you have. The only reason he doesn't is because he doesn't want to act without knowing the truth.

🌿He's angry because someones tricked him, it doesn't matter that its you, doesn't matter the lie, he's just angry someone managed to trick him and every time he looks at you he feels that nauseating rage build inside him... And its because of this he can't confront you. He can't risk being deceived again...

🌿So he has to bide his time, the whole time treating you so cold and unforgiving. He hardly says a word to you, won't stop fixing you with that hateful glare... You feel so alone in that big house and you cry yourself to sleep every night. Tommy watches as you pale and thin and he doesn't feel a shred of guilt because until he learns the truth about you he believes that this is the bed you've made for yourself. That you deserve misery.

🌿But then he does learn the truth. He fibds out exactly why you have that baby, what happened to you, why your family were so keen to sell you down the river and marry you off to any old birmingham criminal they could.

🌿Suddenly he feels terribly guilty, he feels like a fucking fool and suddenly all that anger directed at you will be turned in on himself. He's made a fucking horrible mess of your life and he has things he needs to fix, but the first thing he does is call you into his office...

🌿You're terrified, literally trembling as you stand opposite him barely able to look him in the eyes. You worked out weeks ago that he must know about the child and now you're terrified of what he's going to say to you. You know he isnt affraid of killing, for a moment you're terrified he's hurt your baby...

🌿Before he's even said a word you've crumbled, your sob catching in your throat and then bursting from your chest untameable. He feels his heart break to look at you, you're distraught and in part he knows its his fault for being such a cruel bastard.

🌿 He stands up, let out a small sigh and approaches you carefully. When he touches you you flinch and cry harder and it breaks his heart.

🌿 With his hands on your shoulders trying to guide you into a hug he will apologise to you, "S'alright love, I know what happened yeah, know what they've done to you angel, you're safe now and always will be... Know about your baby too but don't..."

🌿"I'm sorry Tommy, don't hurt her please! I'm so fuckin sorry I... I..." you try your best but you just choke on your apology and can't get the words out. You're trembling in his arms when he finally pulls you in against his chest.

🌿"Hush y/n, shh, it's alright now, alls forgiven, you don't need to say anythin now yeah, alls forgiven..."

🌿He will apologise to you there and then, holding you so tenderly, his arms around you, his thumb stroking your shoulder, his chin resting in your hair as he rocks and calms you carefully.

🌿"S'alright angel, s'alright, no ones hurting your little girl I promise... I understand that we lie sometimes eh? We do bad things to protect ourselves and the ones we love, so I understand why you lied to me alright, I do..."

🌿 "All is forgiven now and I'm gonna bring your little one home yeah, gonna bring her home to her mam and dad but I ask one thing of you yeah, just this one thing angel, you an me we're married now, husband and wife, and we may not have married for love but we made those vows before god and so we must keep them, to have an to hold, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish... Now I promised you those things and I intend to keep my promise... All I ask of you is that you be honest with me now yeah? No more lies, only truth..."

🌿He'll tell you that he wants to help you, wants to help you get your little girl back, wants to help you get revenge on all the people who have wronged you. He'll offer to make sure you never have to see your father who split you and the baby up, sold you off to an evil man.

🌿 "There there y/n, it's all alright now, I know you're a good girl, know you didn't want any of this, an I bet you've been so scared all this time eh? Terrified of everythin thats happened, no one to talk to about it... Terrified of me too?" he'll be stroking his fingers through your hair, holding you so delicately that its impossible for you to remember why you were ever scared of him. "Well you ain't gonna be scared anymore sweetheart... I promise, you ain't ever gonna be scared no more."

🌿He really will keep his promise, the Shelbys are a family of misfits and he'll welcome you and the child into the heart of the family. He'll raise your little girl as his own, and will probably insist upon lying to the child so that she doesn't have to know the true evils of her real father... Not that Tommy thinks hes any less bad really.

🌿He spoils your little girl rotten too, she's a real daddy's girl. He knows the darkness she was born of and into and wants to give her everything all little girls deserve, a good life with no rain. He also probably remembers little Ruby and views your daughter as the second chance he never thought he'd get.

🌿And though you may have been scared of him to begin with, the care, generosity and devotion he shows you leave you weak at the knees and almost dependent on him. You think the sun shines out of him and see him as your only hope in a dark world, the man who offered you kindness and forgiveness when you needed it the most. He picked you up off your feet when you were vulnerable and held you like a little bird with a broken wing. You won't hear a bad word said against him.

🌿You definitely do grow to love him and I believe he grows to love you too, what starts as him trying to do the right thing becomes this mutual respect and admiration, becomes adoration the more he gets to know you, how sweet and kind and good you are. He probably also appreciates your intelligence and understanding which you gained from having such a dark start in life.

Alfie

🐻 Isn't against arranged marriages when it comes to keeping Jewish women safe with Jewish men... Especially when there are so many predatory Shelby esque cunts out there who would take advantage of the young and naive. However, Alfie is against arranged marriages when its "marrying your terrified young daughter off to a mean old man to make peace with a rival gang..." which is what this is...

🐻 So he doesn't want to marry you and honestly doesnt have much respect for your parents who he thinks essentially traded you in for a few quid.

🐻 When your father had come to him, offering his daughter as a bride to clear his debts, Alfie really had considered shooting the cunts head clean off. The only reason he hadn't was the thought of you...

🐻 He'd seen you around Camden Town a few times, you worked in the bakery he often walked by and from what he remembered you were far too young for your father to be offering you up like that. You were practically still a child...

🐻 And that's why he accepted the offer. Because he knew that if he didn't you'd end up getting roped into all kinds of awful things by your shameless fuck of a father... There were other, less respectable ways a man could sell his daughter to clear his debts and he could tell just by having looked at you that those things would kill you.

🐻 On the day before your wedding, the first day he gets to speak to you he gives you this little speech. He comes to see you before you are married, which is bad luck in all cultures but apparently a wide soread myth among Jewish communities, which is exactly what he tells you when you try to hide yourself away from him.

🐻 "Now trust me zieskiet, see these," he'd tap his eye glasses and push them slightly down his nose as he looks at you seriously, "I only wear em when I need to read somet very carefully, and before I came to see you today I tripple checked right because I wouldn't want to do anything to give you anymore rotten luck eh, think you've had quite enough if that eh, can't get much worse than this here deal you've already been dealt can it? Now... Its a technicality perhaps but, it ain't mentioned anywhere in Talmudic literature yeah, neither any medieval writings what I could find either yeah... Its what you'd call a myth zieskiet... And that poppet, is very lucky because I've got a few things I'd like to say to you now yeah, just a few important things alright?"

🐻 He'd pull out a chair and gesture for you to sit down, this is Alfie we're talking about, even he knows he isn't going to be quick about this.

🐻 But he talks really gently to you, very seriously, but very gently.

🐻 "Right then, yeah, a few things I need to say to you now the night before our wedding day, our wedding day which is tomorrow yeah..."

🐻 "I know you're scared of me, don't blame you to be honest, I'd be scared, no, fucking terrified if someone told me I had to marry this mean old man yeah... Cause its true ain't it, I am mean, and I am old yeah, but I ain't ever gonna be mean to you,"

🐻 "Actually darlin whats gonna happen is this yeah, tomorrow when we have our nissu'in right, and then every day and night after that for the rest of our shared life together, I'm gonna look after you yeah, gonna take good care of you an thats a promise right?" the whole time hes talking you're just looking back at him speechless, a little confused and very very uncertain because you've heard so many terrying things about this man, that he's insane, that he's ruthless... And lets face it he isn't exactly coming off sane right now...

🐻 "This here right now yeah, this is me Alfie Solomons promising you y/n l/n that I'm gonna take proper care of you yeah, I ain't gonna hurt you, ain't gonna be cruel alright, won't force you to do anything you don't want to do... I don't expect you to fall in love with this ugly mug of mine yeah, I ain't gonna force you..." he looks right into your eyes then, holding both your hands in his, so serious that you have to trust him. You can see he isn't lying but it only makes you more nervous because you knew he wouldn't be promising you these things if he knew about the terrible deception your family were tryibg to pull off behind his back.

🐻 You feel so guilty then, you hadn't at first because you'd believed him to be just as bad as your father and brothers who were forcing you into this situation. The ones who had taken your child from you and threatened you with her life if you dared tell a soul.

🐻 But this man is so different from all the stories you'd heard, he's being so kind to you. The first man who has been kind to you for quite awhile. And you're still so naive, you want to trust him so badly, you want to believe you really don't need to be scared...

🐻 When Alfie sees the tears escape your eyes he doesnt understand, he thinks he's done something wrong and he panics and drops to his knees holding your hands and looking up at you, desperate to sooth you, he can't believe he's gone and made it worse.

🐻 "What's the matter poppet, what have I said?" but you just shake your head and try to hide your face in your hands scared to tell him the truth, your voice shaking when the words leave your lips. "Theres... Theres a child... A baby..." for a moment he thinks you're telling him you really are only a child and he launches into another speech about how its alright, he's only marrying you to save you from being married off to someone else...

🐻 "Zieskiet, stop crying little one, stop now eh, shh, I just told you didn't I, my only intention is to look after you, so you're only a littlen right you can stay a littlen I ain't gonna force you to be a woman yeah, I'm gonna..." "No!" you sob then, shaking and completely distraught and panicked then because he doesn't understand and he's not listening, "I'm not a child Mr Solomons, I have a child! I've a baby girl and... And... Oh god they're going to kill us both if I tell anyone and now I've told you, they're... My poor girl..." you cry into your hands, Alfie just watching you completely dumbfounded.

🐻 If he thought he lacked respect for your father before he has none left now. Now he really does wish he'd blown the cunts head off...

🐻 He sighs, takes your hands from your eyes and holds them in his, stroking your palms with his thumbs as he speaks.

🐻 "Now see, none of what you've just said yeah, none of that changes anythin of what I've just said... Everything I promised you just now yeah, all of that still stands, seems to me little zieskiet that you are a very scared, very sad little girl yeah, you and your baby need someone to take care of you both alright, someone who will keep you both safe and sound right and that someone yeah, that someones me..."

🐻 He can't hide the disgust at finding out you're a mother, you're so young... how the fuck have you got a child... He has his suspicions however and vows that after the wedding, when he has both you and your little one safe and sound, he'll pay your father another visit... Find out the truth once and for all, set a few things straight, get a little revenge.

🐻 He'll be so gentle with you, will take the baby in and let everyone believe it's his. He will take such good care of both of you. He probably won't even ask many questions of you if he gets the impression that you don't want to talk about what you've been through.

🐻 He'll ask if the father was a good man or not but he's already maade his mind up that unless the mans dead he cant be good cause he abandoned you and your daughter.

🐻 He never really thought he'd be a father, never thought he'd have a family... Always blamed it on his line of work, that it was better to be lonely and not risk losing anyone you loved, but he likes the family he's got now. Actually he loves them.

🐻 He has a fatherly protective sense of duty towards you both and you look to him as your saviour, the only person in the world you'll ever trust. He's so gentle and kind to you, and has demonstrated on more than one occasion that he'd kill and be killed for you and your little girl... That despite that "ugly mug" which you don't actually find ugly at all by the way, you can't help but want him as yours.

🐻 Its one of those "plenty of time to fall in love after the wedding" situations. Over time you adore him and want nothing more than to devote yourself to him.

🐻 Alfie will be such a good father. Sure it will be in that classic grumpy old man kind of way, always fretting about you and the baby, wanting to provide for you both, worrying about your safety, worrying that you'll get sick, worrying that you're not happy etc... He will be totally devoted to you, he'll grow to love the child as if she's his own and he'll love you too.

🐻 And he'll stand by his promise too, he doesn't force you to love him, doesn't force you to be intimate with him, and the first time you kiss him he's so stunned by your delicate fingers tracing the scar on his cheek that he blushes. When your lips touch his he puts a finger to your lips abd reminds you again, "zieskiet you don't have to pretend what did I tell you..."

🐻 "Fuck what you told me I ain't pretending nothin..."

Arthur

🍂 Tommy is forcing Arthur to get married because he thinks it'll force him to get over Linda. His brother thinks it will force him to get his head together once and for all and he pitches the deal to arthur as a clean slate, a fresh start with a pretty face.

🍂 But arthurs a bit uneasy about it, he doesn't believe for a second that anyone would ever want to marry him. No one in there right mind at least.

🍂 "And this girl eh brother... What's wrong with her that she's agreein to all this..." "I don't know what you mean brother..." says Tommy trying to feign naivety, but he knows what Arthurs getting at and knows his brothers skirting close to the truth.

🍂 "You know what I mean Tommy don't get stupid with me brother, you're the clever one ain't you... I've got a reputation haven't I... Now who the fucks giving their daugther away to a fuckin monster like me..."

🍂 And he's right about that reoutation, you are absokutely petrified of him. On your wedding day you're shaking and you can't keep the tears from your eyes. You do well to hold most of them back but Arthur sees them caught in your lashes. You look so sad and so scared and it hurts him to see you like that, knowing he's the root of that fear.

🍂You seem so gently and sweet, so timid. When you say your vows your voice is so wuiet, you're like a littke mouse or a baby bird. So pretty abd shy.

🍂 And Arthurs not exactly s genlte man, he's clumsy and awkward and he's always louder than he means to be, and somehow your shyness only makes that worse. He feels even clumsier and rougher around you and he's so painfully selfconcious because he doesn't want to scare you at all.

🍂 So he has to try and show you his soft side, which he isn't sure he actually has. He tries to ask Tommy for advice but his brother doesn't take him seriously, just shrugs and laughs him off, tells him "if you're so scared of the girl you don't have to speak to her at all... Consumate your marriage and never speak to her again..." but that thought horrifies Arthur who shakes his head and gets frustrated, "Nah, nah Tommy that ain't right, thats fuckin cruel Tom..."

🍂 So he asks Ada who laughs at him but, because she feels sorry for you - she remembers how scared you look the day you got married - she does her best to offer her brother some advice, advice about minding his coarse language, not raising his voice, not knocking furniture over or breaking olates when he's drunk and angry.

🍂 And polly gives him some advice too, about how to hold a hand without squeezing too tight, about how to touch a woman's cheek delicately, how to brush her hair behind her ear without poking her in the eye or making her flinch...

🍂 Arthur takes this advice very seriously and tries so so hard to be a gentleman to you. He really tries not to swear, really tries not ti get drunk or angry. But just as things are starting to work out between you, just as you both stop being so timid around one another he finds out about the baby.

🍂 He gets jumped outside the Garrison by some scratty bastard claiming Arthur Shelby stole his son.

🍂 His first response is anger, naturally. He's absolutely livid that you didnt tell him. He's spent all this time being careful with you, trying so hard to be a good man for you and all this time you've been lying to him, keeping this massive secret. And not just from him either... you didnt tell tonmy and its a betrayal of trust, you've not just insulted him but his whole family...

🍂 He doesn't know what to do, he completely panics because he's going to have to carry this shame to his brother, his brother who will probably kill you and your family for deceiving the Shelbys.

🍂 However, a lot of his anger is down to panic... You have a child, a whole fucking child! Have you been expecting him to be a father to that child this whole time? He isn't cut out for that, he ain't cut out to be a fucking dad...

🍂 He takes a lot of his anger out on the cunt claiming to be the father of your child, he doesnt stop to work out if any of its lies, just throws himself at the bastard because this man isn't pleasant and he's socked Arthur in the jaw and started making all these nasty threats... So all that anger and fear, all the hatred and betrayal, he takes it out on this stupid bastard, beating him within an inch of his life.

🍂 He doesnt kill him though because he needs to know if hes telling the truth about being the lads dad... Your man...

🍂 When he confronts you you get so so scared... You back away trying to put a safe distance between you and Arthur who has just stumbled in covered in blood, wreaking of the drink.

🍂And then when he tells you about the man who jumped him, when you hear what Arthurdid you start crying and suddenly Arthur gets worried, has he potentially killed this man you love? Will you ever forgive him, will you be scared of him for the rest of your miserable lives together... Has he doomed you both to suffer eachother in hate and fear forever?

🍂 But then you throw your arms around him and he realises you're crying tears of relief. That you're holding onto him so tightly, just saying "Thank you, oh thank god, thank you Arthur, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have lied to you I just didn't know what to do, I was so scared, oh god thank you... Know i shouldnt be happy but i am."

🍂 He's confused as fuck tbh, doesnt know what to make of it, struggles to stand there and hold you because he isn't very good with crying women and you're utterly hysterical. He awkwardly puts his arns around you, oats you on the back and just kind of waits for you to explain...

🍂 "ere love don't cry eh, calm down sweetheart, ain't gonna solve anythin cryin like this are ye..." He's awkward, blushing and a little embarrassed, doesn't know what to do and feels totally helpless.

🍂 When you do explain everything, that you were never married to the man, that he ain't your man at all and never was, but that it is his kid and the reason your parents gave you up to Arthur is because they were so frightened of the man that they knew you needed to leave ur city, go somewhere with dangerous people who could keep u safe etc..." Arthur just listens completely baffled, getting more confused but also more upset as the story goes on. He's uoset for you and the more you tell him youre sorry, the more you beg his forgiveness and tell him you didn't mean to use him, didn't mean to cause any trouble, that they didnt give you a choice just packed you off in the middle of the night... The more certain Arthur becomes that he has to stand by you. He remembers your timid delicate face the day of your wedding, the tears in your eyes, the lack of family with you in the church... He realises that this has all been one long nightmare for you and that your fate rests on him. That he can choose to help you or doom you to a life of misery.

🍂In the end he's relieved too, he chuckled nervously and tells you that all considered he's glad he fucked the guy up as bad as he did. "Only fuckin sorry I didn't kill him... If I ever see that bas... Sorry, if I ever see him again I promise you love I will..."

🍂 "You're family now eh love, my family you and the baby and I'll do me best to be a good husband and a fuckin good father too, know I'm not really a good man but I promise you I'll do me best..."

🍂 Will admit he doesnt know what hes doing and you'll say lets face it, his own dads not exactly an angel...

John

🌼 We already know that John isn't going to be happy about the idea of an arranged marriage, especially not one orchestrated by his brother to make peace with a rival gang.

🌼 He will throw a strop when Tommy tells him, he'll be livid, accusing him of treating him like a child, "always fuckin controllin us all whenre you gonna get bored of playing the fuckin puppet master eh?"

🌼 Stupid and pissed off enough to try and start a physical fight with him, shoves him hard and has to be held back by Arthur, who has to try and be balanced. He isn't really in agreement with the situation either but he doesn't want to see John do anything stupid, and he knows that if John hits his brother again Tommy will come down full force on the lad.

🌼 So John will be dragged by his heals to the altar, he's still grumbling when they arrive at the field your wedding is to be held in. He's wearing a real school boy scowl when Arthur and Finn push him up to stand with beside you. He can't see you but you can see him through the veil which covers your face and the sight of his sullen expression strikes fear in you. He looks so angry, he looks like all those bad stories you've heard about the Peaky Blinders might actually be true...

🌼 But when the veil is taken from your face and John sees you for the first time everything changes... You're so pretty, with the soft earthy features, your eyes so emotive, a real deer look about you as you gaze back at him a little shyly...

🌼 Something about your pretty face and your soft features sooths him, calms his temper and suddenly he isn't so sulky anymore. Suddenly he's wearing a shy smile of his own, looking at you like he can't quite believe his luck.

🌼 When the sermons being read and you're both waiting to make your vows, kneeling together at the altar John turns to you with a little smirk and nods, whispers "Hullo," his cheeky smile and the way he's whispering over the sermon makes you feel like a kid being naughty in class. You're blushing and biting back a cheeky smile of your own when you whisper "hello," back.

🌼 He can't help but flirt with you, he knows this should be terribly awkward and that you're probably really unhappy to be there being married off to some stranger with a criminal record but he can't help himself. Your smiles so pretty and once he's had a taste of it he keeps chasing it.

🌼 He's also a little embarrassed to have arrived so reluctantly to your wedding, feels like he's got a lot of making up to do...

🌼 He'll sense your awkwardness and want to put you at ease, he can tell that you're shy, can tell that you feel nervous and he'll want to make you relax. Now that he's seen you he isn't so annoyed to be being married off to you and he wants to show you he's not all that bad either.

🌼 So he's whispering pointless small talk to you throughout the sermon, making you smile and stifle a giggle, earning you reproachful looks from Johnny Dogs who is trying his best to recite the sermon without throttling John for not taking it seriously.

🌼 But John is all, "pleasure t'meet you," shooting you that boyish smirk, making eyes at you like its just you and him having some private joke...

🌼 But he sees your hand shaking when Johnny goes to cut your palms and mix your blood and John remembers that although he can make his jokes and tease and flirt with you, you're probably still petrified of the future that lies ahead. You probably don't want to be doing this at all.

🌼 So when he clasps your hand in his and your blood meets his blood he holds your gaze and leans in to mumble something to quietly, lips barely moving, voice barely above a whisper. "Don't be scared flower." Of course its all good and well saying it but how can he really help you, of course you're going to be scared...

🌼 So later when everyone else is drinking and dancing he takes you to one side, his hand on your waist and then when he realises he's probably being too intimate, snatching his hand away, scratching the back of his neck instead. "Listen y/n I'm really fuckin sorry about all this, know its probably not what you imagined for your wedding day..."

🌼 But honestly, you're not sad to be marrying John. You didn't have dreams of a big romantic wedding or a husband you fell in love with at first sight... But you think that seeing John at the altar that morning is as close to love at first sight as you could possibly get... Yes you were nervous, yes you were shy, scared about your future... But not because you were marrying John... Well, your trembling hand had been a little to do with John but not because you were scared of him...

🌼 So you blush and shake your head and try to tell him he doesn't need to apologise, "I like you John," you say imediately looking at the floor, a shy but cheeky smile on your lips as you stand on tiptoe, brave enough for a fleeting second that you stand on tiptoes and kiss his cheek, leaving him blushing and speechless. "Really I do... I'm happy I got to marry you..."

🌼But John can tell that somethings not right, maybe you're not sad about the wedding or about marrying him but you're sad about him. He knows what sad girls look like, he saw many of them after the war and you look just as torn up as all those young widows...

🌼 Your little one is at your wedding, your mother is raising them, trying to pass them off as her own. And you've done well all day to pretend the little two year old is just a younger sister...

🌼 But John recognises your mothering instinct come out when the child runs over to hug you and you pick them up so lovingly. He can tell that you're not sisters, he can see that cherished look as you nuzzle your nose against hers. And he can tell by the tears in your eyes when you place her down on the ground and send her back to your mother. The way your gaze lingers as you watch her go, you look whistful, forlorn. Like a girl in mourning.

🌼 And Johns annoyed but not because you lied to him and not because he's just found out he's going to have another child on his hands. No, Johns annoyed that you were going to let your mother raise it, that you'd give up your kid just like that... Seemingly guiltless...

🌼But when he confronts you, umable to control his anger, snapping at you, growling the accusation at your through his teeth, breaking your heart because he's got it all wrong... You begin to cry, not hysterically but calmly. The tears running quietly down your cheeks as you look back at him with all this dissapointment in your eyes.

🌼 All day he's been so sweet you, sharing those conspiratorial smirks with you, as if you understood one another... Now you're worried he doesn't understand anything at all.

🌼 "I didn't want to... I don't, its fuckin breakin my heart to let her go... I don't have a fuckin choice they've... They..." you try to explain it to him, that your family forced you to give the baby up to your mother and let her raise it instead so that you wouldn't bring shame to the family, and so that Tommy wouldn't call off the engagement.

🌼 Then he has to swallow his anger, he doesn't want to see you crying and youre shivering there, sniffling in front of him all teary eyed, you're doing your best to stand up to him and he feels pretty guilty. His wife, standing up to him on her wedding night for fuck sake...

🌼 He gets angry with your family then, storming over to Tommy to tell him what they've put you through, to tell him what he thinks of his new in laws. He's suddenly very protective of you and he has this violent streak surface in him, he wants to hurt the people who have hurt you... So Tommy has to yank him to one side, him and Arthur trying to calm him.

🌼 "Its your fuckin weddin day John boy, you can't be fuckin fightin on your fuckin weddin day... Just take your girl and dance with her eh, like a fuckin man..."

🌼 So he does. He takes his girl, straight from her grandmother's arms, picks her up and kisses her forhead, asking her if she'd like to come for a dance with her mammy. The three of you will dance together, him carrying her on his hip as he slow dances with you both. Its a really touching scene but its passive aggressive too and when he locks eyes with your father he's making a threat which is received loud and clear.

🌼 He will make a huge point of openly accepting the child. he'll roll his eyes and nod to the family all self aware and apologetic, welcome to the family I guess.

🌼 That kids going to have so many brothers and sisters to run wild with. You'll actually have a really happy family.

🌼 John won't ask about the dad because hes got plenty of kids of his own and he knows how it works, you don't always love their parents but you love the kids. You'll be worried that he isn't bothered, you'll take it as him not caring about you or the child and when you ask him why he isn't bothered, why he isn't angry? he'll just shrug and say that he does care, you can tell him whatever you want whenever you like...

🌼 "Just don't see the point in dredge up the past when we're happy now," he'll say kissing your cheek, "got a good little family haven't we flower, we're happy ain't we? Why bother about anythin else eh?"

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnie is definitely the most heartbroken of the Peaky boys to find he's being married off to a stranger. He's sad to be being forced into an arranged marriage because he's always harboured dreams of meeting the love of his life, his soulmate and now he knows he'll never get the chance.

🍀 And he feels bad for you too because the chances are you're being robbed of the same thing. He's a romantic soul and it feels bleak and grey to be being robbed of love, the chance to fall in love.

🍀 He also knows that the nature of his life means you'll have to leave everything behind, travel with him and the family and that you'll really be alone in it all. He'll have his family still, not a lot will change for him, but you're being forced to leave everything behind, forced to go it alone and Bonnie is empathetic enough to know how much that will hurt you, how scared you will be...

🍀So he feels guilty too, guilty to be putting you through his own idea of hell.

🍀He is however determined to make the best of it, to be a friend to you if nothing else... He's such a sweet boy and he can't stand the thought of you being uncomfortable... He can't stand the thought that he might be ruining your life or breaking your heart. He's scared that you're going to be scared of him. From the moment he finds out he's to be married to you, to the day you finally meet Bonnie is preocupied worrying about the mystery girl he's to wed. Worrying you will hate him, worrying he won't be good enough, worrying you'll be scared... He's really scared that you'll be one of these girls who cries at the altar or tries to run away... Not that he could blame you for either, he just hates the thought that he could be playing a part in some innocent lassies misery.

🍀 He's a bit cyncial too, about where youre coming from... You can't have a particularly good family if they're giving you up to their enemies to "make peace" he thinks thats all wrong, he thinks they can't possibly love you or care about you very much if they're willing to hand you over to the people they hate most... People they call savages. He knows that if he had a daughter this would be the last thing he'd do to her. That if he had a daughter this was the sort of situation he'd want to protect her from...

🍀So before he's even met you he has all these complicated thoughts and feelings about you. He's been wondering about you for days on end.

🍀 On the day of your wedding hes taken back by how beautiful you look, so pretty all in white...He's genuinely stunned and when you remove your veil from your face with your delicate fingers Bonnie is held hypnotised by your grace. You're fae like, something ethereal about you in the misty morning light. He can't take his eyes off you and when your palms are cut and its time for Bonnie to take your hand in his he is too distracted gazing at your eyes that he misses his cue. Johnny Dogs has to press your hands together himself clipping him round the back of the ear for being daft.

🍀You're very shy, when Bonnie forgets to take your hand you bite down hard on your lip to hide your smile. You can barely look at him and struggle to hold his gaze. Bonnie thinks its because you're scared of him, or dissapointed by him but its not, its the opposite... You think he's lovely actually.

🍀 Sure you've heard about the Peaky Blinders fighter but the stories you've heard about a savage assassin just don't match up to this sweet brown eyed boy kneeling beside you, holding your hand clasped tightly in his.

🍀 Bonnie isn't sure how to act around you, he feels awkward, he feels shy too because actually you're the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and he's sure that the only way he was ever going to end up with a lass as lovely as you was if someone fuckin forced it.

🍀 When Johnny tells him to kiss his bride Bonnie hesitates, his hand hovers by your cheek, his thumb brushing your blushy skin as he freezes, shy but also worried... You have hardly even looked at him this whole time, maybe you don't like him, maybe you're wishing you could runaway afterall.

🍀"C... Can I kiss ye?" he asks, his lips barely an inch from yours, you can feel his breath on your cheek. You want nothing more than for him to close the gap between you. When your lips meet you feel that nervous but sweet flip in your stomach.

🍀Its this one moment of calm, this first telltsle sign of happiness and therefore its over too soon. Because when your eyes closed and his lips met yours your mind settled down, most of your anxieties hushed to a whisper. You would have enjoyed it had it not been for the secret you were keeping, the devestating truth you were being forced to keep hidden.

🍀 All throughout the wedding day Bonnie notices how you seem sad, more than that, you have this whistful, doomed look about you. He puts it down to you being sad about the arranged marriage and keeps telling you he's sorry you've had to do this...

🍀 "I know this ain't what you want y/n and it don't have to be like that between us you know, don't have to be like husband and wife between us if you don't want it... Won't be angry with you for that so don't worry, just let me be your friend eh, don't be lonely y/n, I'm your friend I promise..."

🍀 Throught the day he keeps trying to cheer you up, he's so sweet to you and dotes on you completely, in fact he hardly leaves you alone not wanting for you to be overwhelmed by his family and the peaky boys who are here... Still, his acts of kindness though they touch you, though they make you smile and blush, though you even giggle once at one of his daft jokes, don't really work cheering you up and Bonnie feels terrible because he can't help you. You still seem devestated.

🍀 It gets worse when you ask how long they'll be staying near Birmingham and he has to tell you that they're not. They stayed a day later just for the wedding, the vardos are moving on first thing in the morning and when he tells you you get choked up, your eyes are wide and white... You look terrified.

🍀 Again naive, bonnie puts that down to your fear of him and his family. Your fear of being alone with him, he tries to reassure you, tries to let you know he's there for you, that he'll be your friend, but before he can say much at all you've fled.

🍀 The parties in full swing now and other people are drunk enough not to notice you slip leave, only Bonnie watches you go, standing there helpless and a little heartbroken to watch you running away from him.

🍀You're not running away however, you're running to...

🍀You have to try to find your wee girl, shes with the church in small heath where your parents forced you to leave her that morning.

🍀You're demanding her back but they wont give her up, telling you that you made your decision, shaming you for being a whore... For giving up your child, for having her in the first place... You're desperate, on your knees in tears on the church steps, sobbing your heart out but the priests no sympathy for a wayward girl like you...

🍀When bonnie watches you go at first he doesnt know what to do, hes so scared, he wants to find you, to make sure youre safe... He knows there'll be trouble if your family realise what youve done.

🍀 So he corners your brother and forces him to tell him whats going on. He's clever about it, lies to find out the truth, makes a couple of wild guesses which pay off... Tommy Shelby would be impressed.

🍀 "Listen to me alright mate, that girls been heartbroken about somethin all day..." he hisses, his eyes burning with a fury he doesn't quite understand, "she just told me everything so don't even bother trying to lie about it eh, think your family's done enough lying for one day..." "Whats she told you?" the brother looks pissed off and when he sighs he's fed up, glancing nervously over his shoulder like he doesn't want to get caught. "Theres someone else..." says Bonnie, his voice shaking a little, he doesnt want it to be true, he doesnt want you to be in love with someone else because if you are you'll resent him. The chance of even a friendship for you both dashed on the rocks.

🍀But the brother just sighs and shakes his head, tells him not to cause a scene, "you're gonna be pissed but let's not fight about it here eh, for me sister, your brides sake eh..."

🍀 The brother tells him about the church and the baby and before he can tell you anything else, about the father or the circumstances that have brought you here, bonnie is running off to find you.

🍀He takes Isaiah and Finn with him to the church because for as much as he too is a catholic, a good one at that, he doesn't trust those churches and priests who he thinks have warped the religion for their own gains.

🍀And thats where he finds you, in a heap on the church steps still hammering on the door trying to get in.

🍀When he sees the mess youre in, when he finds out what they've done all his suspicions are confirmed and he's livid. Not just angry however but heartbroken for you because he knows you're younger than him and he can't believe the suffering you've been put through at the hands of the church and your family.

🍀 "And we're the savages?" he smirks to Finn when they pass you and enter the church by "order of the peaky blinders."

🍀 He gets your wee girl back, goes straight in, threating them. "Wheres my fuckin daughter?" "You had no right to take my fuckin daughter away! No fuckin right..."

🍀 And the church know a peaky blinder when they see one so they hand her over to him immediately. The moment he lays eyes upon her he knows he's going to be her father, knows he's going to raise her as if she were one of his very own. He feels an overwhelming sense of duty to protect her and it brings a tear to his eyes.

🍀 Always wanted a little girl and hes already decided to devote himself to her and to you. He can see that you need someone to be good to you and he's made that vow now, your bloods have been mixed, so he has a duty to you. Maybe he won't have that romantic falling in love he'd always secretly hoped for but that doesn't mean he can't try to love you and your little girl as best as he can.

🍀He gives her to you and when you burst into further tears he doesn't know what to do. He's not used to seeing girls so unhappy xnot like this anyway. He's seen his sisters cry over boys and arguments before but he's never seen a lass so distressed.

🍀 "Oh mary thank you thank you," you're sobbing, your body shaking with relieved sobs. Bonnie sitting down beside you trying to hush you and calm you. Making you all these promises to look after you both. "Shh sweetheart, its alright now dove, you're both safe now, I'm gonna take care of you you both from now on dove, I swear it on my life," he says taking your palm in his, kissing the cut which is healing from earlier that day.

🍀Takes you both home, promises you he's going to look after you both. "We're family now love, one that looks after one another, you're never gonna be sad or scared again I promise..." of course being a peaky blinder thats a promise he can't keep, but he'll say anything to reassure you in that moment.

🍀 You're going to be so won over by how loving and caring hes been, you went through something intense that night and got through it together. He saved your life and your wee girls life, you're so certain of that and as a result you feel so close to him. You really trust him, which is something you haven't been able to say about anyone for a long time.

🍀 You will probably talk about that day many times over the years, Bonnie will confess all of his naive hopes that he thought had been stolen from him that day, you'll both share how sad you were, how scared you were that you wouldn't ever know love. And then you'll smile and hold eachother, happy with the knowledge that even if you weren't destined for one another you've still found love.

🍀Your wee girl is going to have like 10 siblings sorry.

Isaiah

🐀You're more pissed off than him, you're so angry and you fight with your parents, you fight with his family, youre cold and so fucking bitter to him.

🐀The morning they tell you you do nothing but scream, you hit your father, beating at him furiously, you feel betrayed by him, by your mother who does nothing but stand sobbing weakly.

🐀And the person you hate the most is Isaiah... When he tries to talk to you, when he tries to tell you "I didn't fuckin ask for this either did I y/n!" you just get angrier, you shove him away, you try to run away.

🐀"What the fuck would you agree to something like this for? Who the fuck do u think you are... You think you should get to own me... I don't even fuckin know you and you're calling me your fuckin wife!"

🐀And Isaiah does feel a little guilty, this isn't exactly what he wanted either... But your temper is foul and you're doing nothing to contradict what he was told about you. That you'd grown wild, that you'd the devil in you, that you needed taming. He gets frustrated with you, annoyed that you can't see that this is bad for both of yous, not just you. Sometimes he wants to shake you and yell in your face, "You think this is what I wanted do you love? You ever stop to think I might have had a sweetheart of my own eh? You think I wanted to be stuck with a sour bitch like you for the rest of me life?"

🐀Sometimes when you are screaming at him he almost does say those things. But he's under orders from his father and Tommy Shelby to treat you right, theres an important alliance in the balance and if he loses his temper with you he could ruin everything. But you don't make it easy, you're angry at your situation and you're taking all that hurt and anguish out on him...

🐀When he finds out about the baby things get worse... All this time you had a way out, a way to annul the marriage and kept it from him. He's so angry with you but he feels like now you're even. You've been hating him this whole time, being truly evil to him, and now its his turn to be mad. He has a right to lose his temper now. He has a right to say all the horrid things he's been thinking about you all this time, your resentment for one another building.

🐀When he confronts you about it you have a huge, messy fight in which your whole backstory is carelessly hung out for all to see. You're screaming at him, hysterical, how dare he lose his temper with you for this...

🐀"This is your fuckin fault so don't blame me for keepin it secret, I had to keep it secret!! What would you have done eh, you and your Peaky fuckin Blinders! Don't blame me!" Don't blame me? You're the one who couldn't keep her fuckin legs closed love! "" Fuck you! Don't you dare talk about me like that, don't you fuckin dare speak about me like that! I'm your fuckin wife!"

🐀And when you say that he snatches your wrist in his, you'd raised your hand to slap him but now he's squeezing your wrist so tight it hurts, he's forcing your hand down onto the kitchen table, backing you up against it until you can feel the edge of the table digging into your back...

🐀"Aye," he says, his voice low and spitting, his eyes so unforgiving, "some fuckin wife you are eh sweetheart..." everything he says comes out a threat and suddenly you feel so small, so vulnerable. He's right up in your face, his hand still squeezing your wrist tight.

🐀"Some fuckin wife sleepin around and lying to me, you let me marry you! I didn't fuckin want you... You could have fuckin stopped it... I didn't want you..."

🐀And that cuts you so deep. You didnt want him either but having him stare you down oike that, each word slashing at you, full of vitriol... It hurts, brings tears to your eyes because you both know you're stuck together, he's saying these things to you now so plainly, so spitefully, knowing he can't take them back, knowing you'll have to face them for the rest of your life...

🐀"What're you crying for now eh, fuckin stop crying girl, don't start cryin now like I'm breakin your heart! You're the one whose breakin mine for fuck sake... A fuckin baby y/n, why the fuck would you keep that secret eh?" "I mean it love stop fuckin cryin, you made this fuckin bed you're gonna fuckin lie in it..."

🐀When you snatch your wrist free and flee from him, you run away without even taking a jacket. You're half blind from your crying, not paying any attention to where you're going as you tear through the Birmingham streets desperate to get away from him. Away from all the Peaky Blinders and the fucking nightmare world they live in.

🐀Isaiah shouts after you, he's angry but not just with you anymore. Angry with himself for letting you go, for letting you run away into the dangerous night without so much as a coat to shield you from the rain. He runs his hands over his cheeks and curses himself, curses you too for being so wild. Now he knows you've the devil in you. You're nothing but a terror head to toe.

🐀But he has to go after you, god knows what could happen to you out there on your own. If he doesn't find you someone else might and though you may think he's cruel, theres plenty more cruel out there and he knows it.

🐀So he searches for you all night on his own, too ashamed if having scared you away to ask his friends for help. He feels almost imasculated by the whole situation, what kind of man lets his wife run away from him like that...

🐀When he finds you you're drunk in some shithole pub half way across the city, its taken him hours and hes soaked through from being out in the rain all night. It's kicking out time and you're the last person in there. Women aren't meant to drink alone but you know the lad behind the bar from your wilder days and he's been letting you stay...

🐀"Alright love, you've had your fun eh, time to come home yeah..." says Isaiah, approaching you. You flinch away from his touch and it hurts him the way you look at him with such fear. "No," you whimper, you look so scared of him and yet so determined to disobey, to remain your own woman. "Come on lass I mean it yeah, we had an argument yeah, you ran away, you got blind drunk and now its time to come home... We'll sort everything out at home, promise..." and he does mean it. He's no intention of screaming with you until the sun comes up.

🐀Whilst he was out looking for you he had a lot of time to reflect on everything thats come to pass between you. The way he sees things now this has been painful for both of you. Both of you have been forced to give up the futures you wanted, both of you are stuck together now... And you made those vows before god, you can't ever undo them, you can't break that oath because you made it to eachother and also to god. And if you've a baby then you have to raise it together. You have to try and get along otherwise you'll be miserable for the rest of your lives, thats no way to be together, no way to raise a child.

🐀He feels guilty for losing his temper, he should have been man enough to understand you, he should have been what you needed... Now he's found you thats what he wants to tell you. That things are going to change between you.

🐀But you haven't given up your fight and you start crying again the minute he puts his arm around you to help you up and walk you home. You're really sobbing, its almost theatrical and it imediately begins to wind him up again... Why can't you see he's really trying for you here?

🐀You're too drunk to walk and in the end he has to pick you up and carry you all the way home where he sits you down at the kitchen table, your head slumping onto your arm. You're a mess and he can't help but chuckle despairingly. How the fuck did he get here?

🐀Still, amid the bitterness and the resentment theres a tiny glimmer of affection, you're just a lass at the end of the day, a lass who's had too much to drink and upset herself. And he does think you're pretty, even when your eyes are all red from crying.

🐀He sighs, pulls the chair up beside you and takes your hand. You don't look up at him at first, your eyes pressed to your arm on the table, refusing to turn your head until he tells you again.

🐀"Fuck sake y/n look at me now eh, I'm tryna talk to you... We're grown ups ain't we... Look at me..." he sounds exhausted and you're exhausted too so you turn your head and he can't help but think you look quite cute in your sulk. Your cheek squished against your elbow, your big eyes watery and sullen looking up at him from where your heads resting on the table.

🐀"I'm your fuckin husband love whether you like it or i like it," he says with a sigh, he wants nothing more than to go to bed but he knows this is a fight which can't be slept on, "so you fuckin listen to me yeah, all this screamin and cryins gotta fuckin stop cause were stuck with eachother and it aint gonna be much of a life if we ain't at least civil eh..." "Uhuh..." suddenly you're a lass of few words, just glowering up at him, hearing him out though he's not sure you're really listening to him.

🐀"You ain't really been behaving like much of a wife girl, and I know I ain't a saint, haven't been much of a husband to you either have I... But thats gonna change now yeah, it fuckin has to change now cause we can't live like this forever... Can't raise a child if we're at each others throats all the time eh?"

🐀You sit up then, your eyes wide but hopeful, you clasp at his hand suddenly alert, really listening to him...

🐀Isaiah smiles when he sees the light return to your eyes. Its the first time he's seen you looking like that... Hopeful.

🐀He's terrified of having a child, so scared that the child will reject him, that they'll hate him for not being their real father... He's scared he'll do everything wrong, scared he'll be a bad example... But he knows that he can't refuse to raise a child because he's scared the kid won't like him... He knows he has to do the best he can for you and yoir little one.

🐀 "So tonight sweetheart, am gonna get you to bed an me and you are gonna go to sleep, no more fighting yeah?" "Uhuh," "Then in the morning you're gonna stay here, I'm gonna go find your littlen and bring em back to you, and then we're gonna raise it together yeah, husband and wife, mam and dad..."

🐀He puts you to bed and for once you let him help you get changed, you let him look after you and help you into your bed and when he's made sure youre settled he tries to get some sleep himself. He's anxious however and his heads so busy with all these worries about the baby, about whether he's cut out to be a dad, that he barely gets any sleep at all.

🐀However the next day when he fibds the child, a little boy, something in him changes. He doesn't take to fatherhood perfectly, he's awkward and he's still very anxious on the indside. But he sees this little boy who needs a father, who needs someone to step up for him, someone who's isn't afraid of anything, who can be confident and in control. He knows that that has to be him and so he does, he steps up because he doesn't have a choice, theres a little boy depending on him.

🐀And your little boy takes to him straight away, he looks up to Isaiah and its clear he thinks the sun shines out of him. Isaiah is kind of proud of that.

🐀And its through seeing how him and the son grow close that you begin to trust him and your anger and resentment mellows, replaced over time by a kind of respect. You admire him, you have to admit that its impressive the way he stepped up to your son when he could have just kicked you both out on the street.

🐀It isnt just the baby he's been trying hard for either, it's you too. He's been doing everything he can to be a caring husband to you and you feel yourself softening up to him over time.

🐀Your respect develops into a friendship, you both know you can rely on one another, that its the three of you now who are a family. It might not be a romantic love which blossoms between you but theres certainly a mutual trust and admiration, a platonic love.

🐀And that friendship twinned with the fact that hes undeniably attractive, makes you wonder what it would be like to have children with him... Whether your little family of three could grow...

🐀You sleep together every night, you act just as a husband and wife should but theres always a distance, Isaiah has been waiting for you to close it for a long time, and one night when he climbs into bed beside you in the early hours, he's been away all night on peaky business and you've been worrying about him all night... He thinks you're asleep when he rests his head on the pillow and you roll over, draping an arm around him, nuzzling into his neck. He only realises youre awake when you leave a kiss at the top of his spine.

Michael

☘️Words cannot truly describe the rage which floods Michaels body when Tommy informs him he's to be married. Not only dies he think it's completely fucking embarassing in this day and age, "the modern world ain't for things like this Tom!" he also believes Tommy is only doing it to sideline him, to punish him and put him in his "place" a place he knows in his heart he does not belong.

☘️ He fights Tommy over it, not as physically volatile as John but certainly still puts up a fight. He tries to spite him through business. He fucks up a couple of deals Tommy wanted him to make just to spite him... Naturally this only makes things worse.

☘️ "Fuckin meet her first at least Michael, who knows maybe it'll be love at first sight..." Tommy is taking the piss, rubbing salt in the wound because knows Michael knows theres nothing he can do. That in the end he has no choice but to do Tommys bidding.

☘️ "Knowing you you'll have picked some fuckin pig for me..." he grumbles, not realising how far from the truth that could be.

☘️ A meeting between you is organised, with Polly and your mother chaperoning. It's the only time you'll meet before the wedding day and you're so nervous. You're terrified that Michael will see you and change his mind, that he'll break off the engagement because you're not good enough. That you'll let your family down.

☘️ You're also scared because you know that Polly Gray has the sight, you know that if you meet her gaze even for a second she will see into your soul and discover all the secrets you're trying to hide. The dark past you're desperate to forget. Because you've already had your heart broken beyond repair.

☘️When Michael sees you he falters, his lips parting, stunned. You're nothing like the girl he'd imagined you would be. You're not deformed or ugly, not some old spinster or s fucking 12 year old being married off early for status. You're simply beautiful, just a girl who looks something close to his dream girl. You're pretty, a little shy, but your smile is sweet and your voice is soft when you say hello. And your eyes are deep and full of heart. Soulful eyes, the kind you don't see much of in Small Heath.

☘️Polly does your readings, this is a condition of your engagement and one you're very nervous about. If it was just any old gypsy crone pretending to read your cards and your palms then you wouldn't be worried. Anyone else would be easy to fool. Polly Gray however isn't a con woman, she really can see secrets. Your hands shaking when she turns it over in hers and traces her fingertip slow and delicate down your love line.

☘️ "Well Michael, I don't think you'll have any complaints with this one..." she says offering her son a knowing smirk, she didn't need to read palms to know that. One look at you and the way Michael was starring at you, was enough to tell her that Michael at least would be happy.

☘️ Polly tells you both then, holding your hand and Michaels in each of hers, acting as a link between you, "you must both try to forgive one another, you must forgive your families too, for what they're asking of you... If you can do this you will be happy together, theres much potential for love here..."

☘️Polly saw the child in those readings she did, but she doesn't say a word, not to you, not to Michael. Not even to Tommy who she knows will be furious. Because she didn't just see the child, she saw everything. She saw how you were knocked up by a man you believed really loved you, how he ran away and abandoned you. How you tried to keeo the baby secret but couldn't when you began to show... How it was your own parents who reported you to the social and accused you of being an unsuitable mother... Your baby was taken from you just as Pollys were and she can see that desperate heartbreak in your eyes. She doesn't need to read your cards to feel the grief which radiates from you.

☘️ So she keeps your secret, and you don't see Michael nor his mother until the day of your wedding. When you walk down the aisle towards Michael you're shaking, you're nervous, self concious of everyones eyes on you. You never imagined your wedding day to be like this, a church packed out with gypsies and criminals, ruthless gangsters watching your hips sway in your white dress.

☘️Michael is still angry with Tommy, he knows what his mother has said to him about forgiveness but he will never forgive his cousin for treating him like a child, for humiliating him by forcing him to do his bidding in such a public and old fashioned way.

☘️ So he hides his attraction to you, he acts sullen and takes his hatred for Tommy out on you. He's treats you so coldly, glaring at you as he makes his vows. You can feel the hatred radiating from him and your voice is shaking as you say your own vows. You want to cry, you're actually scared of him.

☘️ He does everything he's supposed as he is supposed to, kisses you, dances with you, but he's so removed and aloof, so quietly cruel, something about him makes you feel like ice. You feel so lonely as he dances with you, you want to cry.

☘️ Later you're drunk, drinking to try and nurse your fear and sorrow away. You'd hoped when Polly had taken both your hands in hers and told you that you were well matched, that potential for love might blossom in time... But now it seems you're doomed to live the rest of your life loathed by the man youve just married.

☘️ Polly joins you at the bar, slips her hand into yours and leads you away from the party outside. You sit side by side in the steps and she offers you a cigarette. When at first you shake your head, a little wary of the older woman she says, "Don't be silly girl, have a cigarette, look at you for gods sake, its clear you need one..."

☘️ So you let her light your cigarette for you and you do as she says taking a drag and enjoying the comfort of that first inhale. Pol was right, you needed that. "Thank you..." you say quietly but Polly has already moved on. "I know about your son," she says her voice low, at first she sounds perfectly calm, matter of fact, and your heart fills with fear, but when she carries on you hear her change, her voice thick with emotion.

☘️ "My god girl the things you've been through, the things those fucks put us through..." she's clasping your hand in hers, holding it tightly. When you look up at her in confusion her eyes are tearful and suddenly you understand.

☘️ "I'm so sorry love," she says holding your cheeks in her palms, her cigarette smouldering by your eyes. "Those bastards never fuckin tire... If I ever saw the man who stole my babies from me I'd kill him," she tells you and suddenly you're stuttering...

☘️ "But... But michael?" you ask and she nods, she smiles and dabs at her tears and suddenly she's that stoney fearsome woman once again. Wise beyond her years. She clasps your hands in hers and looks you dead in the eyes. "Yes love... I got my son back, but it wasn't god who gave him back to me, we took him back, we took him... Don't lose heart love, you'll see your little boy again..."

☘️ You're scared then, convinced that even if you do get your son back Michael will never take him in. You beg Polly not to tell anyone, you ask her to keep the baby a secret and she understands why you're asking, because she understands she shakes her head.

☘️ "My sons stubborn y/n, but he ain't stupid... He'll take that little boy in, he fuckin will..." theres a threat in her voice then, a grit that chills you. You wonder if she intends to use that tone on Michael.

☘️ Its several days later when Polly tells Michael that you have something to tell him, something important. He's barely spoken two words to you since the wedding, avoiding you at all costs because he feels awkward. Because every time he looks at you his attraction threatens to break his resolve. He can't stand the thought that Tommy might have been right to pair you up.

☘️ "Me mum says you've got somet to tell me love?" he says entering the room, looking down at you where you sit on the sofa. "Says its somet important. Says I'm not to lose my temper, says I'm to be forgiving..."

☘️ You're so scared to tell him, you're shaking but you try to remember what Polly told you. You try to be brave, try to trust that her son is the gentlemen she claims he is and not the cold bastard he has shown himself to be since you were wed.

☘️ When you do tell him he purses his lips, swallows a lump in his throat and then says "did mum tell you about me?" he asks, his own eyes stewed with emotion as he walks to the window and gazes out at the street. The living room is dark and with his back to you you feel cold. He's only turned away so that you can't see the upset in his eyes.

☘️ "She did yeah..." "Fuckin horrid you know... They lie to you, feed you all this shit to make you hate your own family... Tell you you weren't wanted, tell you that your own mum hurt you... Then one day someone else comes along tells you all that was the lie... Wouldn't wish it on anyone."

☘️You're quiet, listening to him talk. You only realise you're crying when a tear trickles quickly over your lips and you taste the salt on them. When Michael turns round he looks you up and down. He feels a kind of guilt when he sees you so forlorn and heartbroken. He knows he's been unkind to you.

☘️ "Been pretty evil to you haven't I love... I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, isn't you I hate..." he sits beside you and takes your hand in his, "I'll get your son back love, promise, call it a wedding gift."

☘️He lays out one simple condition for you, he'll take the baby and raise it as his own, as long as you promise to keep that secret too. The baby is Michaels, no one can know you weren't a virgin when he married you. It would be humiliating, imasculating. He can't have people thinking he married a "whore."

☘️It hurts hear him say that and he sees the wounded look in your eyes and apologises. "Love I don't think you're a whore..." does that really make it better?

☘️ It takes time but with the Shelby/Gray formidabke reputation Michael is able to bring your little boy back to you.

☘️You're not sad living with Michael, he really is a gentleman when he isn't acting up for Tommy. He takes good care of you and the boy and you live happily together. And you can't deny your attraction to one another. The cards and your palms didn't lie, you really were well matched and you do find love, far easily than most.

#peaky blinders imagines #bonnie gold x reader #peaky blinders imagine #tommy shelby x reader #arthur shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #peaky blinders headcanon #alfie solomons x reader

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