#i know this is a mean thought and people's pain is real and i sympathize but i don't know

[lavender543]

Longing

Yandere!Knight x (Evil?)Queen!Reader

Synopsis: You are a queen with a not so great reputation. He is your most trusted, and extremely stoic knight. Lets just say you don't know just how much he would do for you. (he's been secretly pining after you for awhile). Warnings: Topics of war, and violence

Prologue

By many, you were seen as cold, Ruthless, some would even say evil. You were the queen of a large kingdom in the North, with a very widely known reputation for being cutthroat.  

Life in the North was not easy by any means. Resources were far and few, and the environment was cold and desolate. For that, you needed to rule with an iron fist in order to protect your people and keep them satisfied. You weren't afraid to use force if that was what was required.  

Many would say you were wicked, morally grey, power hungry...the list goes on. You’d like to think of yourself as dedicated.  

You were forced from a young age into the role of ruler and spent your whole life preparing to be Queen. It was your life's dedication to rule over your kingdom. You had no living relatives; your family was assassinated during the war.  

It was...hard, to say the least.  

The only person you could trust during those dark days was yourself, and eventually you learned you could trust him: The Grande knight. 

He was originally an orphan brought in by your parents when you were young. They trained him to be a loyal weapon to fight in the war.  

It was wrong, and it pained you to see him, similar in age to you, being pushed past his limits.  

You sympathized with him in a way. You yourself were forced against your will to be trained in order to become the next ruler; although your training was a lot less physically demanding than his (which is an understatement of what he had to go through).  

Despite both of you being terribly busy, there were small moments you both had together as children. They were nothing but a few words in passing, but the interactions meant a lot to two heavily sheltered kids tasked with adult responsibilities.  

Your fondest memory was when you had your first real conversation with him. Your only real interaction with him were moments of eye contact before then.

One day, when you were around ten years old, you managed to run away from your etiquette teacher and hid in the royal gardens. 

As you ran through the garden, searching for a hiding spot, you spotted a dark figure hidden in a small alcove between two bushes of winter daphne’s. They were one of the only flowers that could survive the cold climates of the north.  

You approached the figure, and realized it was him. Without really thinking, you sat beside him. He was huddled, panting heavily as if he had just run a marathon, (he probably was earlier to be honest).  

He stared at you, surprise and fear in his eyes, and your ten-year-old brain could only think of giving him a reassuring smile to show you were friendly. 

“I see that we had similar thoughts.” you said to the boy, a mischievous grin on your face. 

At that, he relaxed slightly, although still staying silent. And you decided it was safe to sit down beside him.  

He froze from the action, but didn’t protest.

“I managed to get away from my etiquette teacher, I know I shouldn't say this, but I'm convinced she’s evil. Must be why she doesn’t have any friends.” 

You were surprised when you heard a small laugh from him at your words, although it was more like a snort. This only encouraged you to go on.  

“Seriously! She was trying to make me put a book on my head! And she always whacks my wrists with a strap if I don't do something right.” 

With your casual words, he began to open up, speaking hesitantly at first. He seemed to still be quite nervous.  

“My trainer is the same way, evil I mean.” 

You giggled at that, and you looked at each other in mutual understanding. You sat together for a while, enjoying each other's company. Talking about whatever came to mind. Eventually you realized you didn't actually know his name. You had only ever heard him be referred to as “the boy,” or terms akin to that.  

You looked at him in curiosity.  

“Say, I guess I never asked, what is your name?” 

His face grew bitter, there was hatred in his eyes, and you were confused by the sudden mood switch.  

“Just call me what you want.” He said shortly. 

You looked at him in confusion. “Do you not have a name?” 

“I may as well not.” 

All you could say was “oh” in response.  

The mood suddenly got awkward, and you tried to lighten it.  

“Well, what would you like your name to be?” 

He visibly gave the question some thought and then shrugged nonchalantly.  

“I don't know, I've never really thought about it.” 

“I see....” You trailed off, not knowing what else to say. 

“What name do you like? For me I mean.” 

He said suddenly.

You definitely did not expect him to ask that. Looking to him in surprise, you replied: “You want me to choose a name for you?”  

He nodded casually, although you did not see the blush creeping up his face. This whole situation was a little odd, but you went along with it, giving it some thought. Finally, you came up with the perfect name.  

“Everett.” You said after a long pause.  

He looked up to you and smiled shyly. 

“It means brave in the old language. I learned the word today from my lessons.” 

You continued with excitement.  

The boy looked almost bashful from your words, a wide grin making its way on his flushed face.  

“It's perfect.’” he said with sincerity.  

You stayed like that for a while, but, like all good things, it had to end. Some guards eventually found the two of you, and you had to go your separate ways.  

After that, your father restricted you from seeing Everett (you’ve been referring to him as Everett now), so as to prevent any “distractions” as he worded it.  

From then on, you didn’t see much of Everett, save for small glances when crossing paths with each other. It was hard seeing him, all bloodied and bruised from training, and not being able to talk to him, or do anything to help him.  

Soon days turned into weeks, then months, then years. Your childlike naivety had long since been brushed away to reveal a cold and calculated woman. You were seventeen, and very close to being of age to ascend to the throne. Just in time for the war to begin you had thought bitterly at the time.   

The war began when your parents had had enough of neighboring countries cutting off their supply shipments. Your kingdom relied on these shipments for food and necessities. Thus began a war your parents waged. 

You hated it. You hated it all, but what could you do? You had no say in any of it, despite your insistent pleading to your father not to start a war. You knew it would only end in loss and destruction.  

With everything happening, you wanted desperately for someone to confide in. You searched for Everett, but you hadn't seen him in weeks, it was as if he disappeared. Upon question, you discovered that he was sent into the war to fight on the frontlines.  

You were devastated. You felt stupid to not have realized before. That was what all the training was for, why your parents had adopted him in the first place. To create a weapon for this war.  

You were so consumed with rage and hopelessness, and all you could do was try to help your parents finish this war. It was all you could do to stop the bloodshed. 

The exposure to everything only made you colder, however. You realized that you too had been turned into a weapon, although more in the academic sense. Your parents used your wit and knowledge from your lessons growing up.  

Two years in, your kingdom faced few losses, and many victories due to your strategizing. Although it did not stop the assassination of your family. Somehow, some way, the enemy kingdoms found a way in.  

This only fueled your rage more. You no longer cared how, but you were going to win the war. And you did.  

After four long years, you finally reached total victory. 

And with that, you gained the reputation of a tyrant. 

Next part: chapter 1

A/N: This is my first story on here yayyy. thank you to anyone who reads and enjoys this! Sorry this chapter is mostly world building, I promise there will be a lot more of Everett in the next part. I might make it in his perspective next chapter as well....we'll see!

[diehellasrache]

i have this really uncharitable thought sometimes and i'm not sure how to articulate it but it's like. those posts where people are (entirely reasonably) expressing pain at adults in their life not saving them/helping them/noticing their mental illness as children and it makes me think. you're an adult now. who have you saved. is the answer "i've done a little but mostly i'm drowning in my own problems and not in a position to armchair diagnose people and also solve their problems" because i think that was probably the case for everyone who knew me as a child, and they also didn't have the benefit of a bunch of free education about mental illness

[starlight-bread-blog]

It's Zutara Month 2024 So I'm Gonna Discuss (See: Fangirl) Them and Emotional Labor

Katara cooks, sews, but most of all: she gives unconditional emotional support for her brother, and later the rest of the Gaang.

Illustrated after Appa was stolen, the Gaang got stuck in a desert without much water, food or any means of transportation besides their legs. Katara gave everyone her bending water, without drinking any herself, responded to everyone with compassion, and by the end she helped bring Aang back to himself while he was out of control in the Avatar State.

Even after the episode is over, next episode and she helps delivering a baby, and still makes sure to look after Aang.

Sokka too testified that Katara did a lot of labor for him:

Sokka: Actually, in a way, I rely on [Katara's bossiness].

Toph: I don't understand.

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara, she had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helpwd fill the void that was left by our mom.

Toph: I guess I never thought about that.

And appropriately, Katara is the one doing the vast majority of the emotional labor in her relationships. She takes care everyone, comfrots them, and protects them. Take "The Deserter" as an example: Aang was being extremely careless with his new found fire bending ability, to the point where he accidently burns Katara's hands.

Katara herself never express her anger at him, she ends up healing her own wounds. Sokka does the scolding. A\ang felt incredibly guilty, but still – by the end, Katara is the one comfroting Aang when he wants to give up on fire bending.

Katara takes care of everyone in the Gaang, making sure they're well, helping them heal their scars. Moreover, Katara often brings up her own grief to empthize with other people's loss. It's a pattern of sorts:

1) A character talks about their past with the Fire Nation

Haru: Yeah. Problem is ... [Close-up, earthbends two stones in a circle above his hand.] the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Hama: I'm sorry. It's too painful to talk about anymore.

2) Katara brings up her own grief, sympathizing with their loss

Katara (to Haru): See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Katara (to Jet): Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Katara (to Hama): We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

A\ang is a bit of an exception, given that she brought up her grief to prepare him for the loss of his people. (Ad they all respond sympathetically). Still, she brings it up to sympathize and help. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. but here is how it went with Zuko:

1) A character talks about their past with the Fire Nation

Katara: You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

2) Katara brings up her own grief, sympathizing with their loss

Zuko: I'm sorry. That's something we have in common.

It's Zuko who responds to her grief this time. It's him empathizing with her. It's him doing the emotional labor for her. And it's this sympathy is their first real civil conversation, establishing that in their relationship, Zuko will do some of the labor needed of him.

In The Southern Raiders, Katara opens up to Zuko, compleyely unprompted, while she is yet to forgive him, about the precise events that led to her mother's death.

A thing she has never done with anyone, and is doing now with someone she considers untrust worthy. Zuko responds with "your mother was a brave women". She, once again, is on the reciving end of the emotional labor – and in a way that is deeper than any other intance of her in the show.

In rest of the episode, Zuko is the one thinking of her and taking care of her.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Katara takes care of everyone, but it is with Zuko that she recives the help she deserves.

She put herself in danger to help A\ang, she helpped him after he'd burnt her, and she stepped up when her mother died. But with Zuko, he is the one reaching out. He's the one taking care of her needs.

[vinntea]

Alright I don't have the energy to thoroughly explain myself but tldr I hate when ppl say they miss Powder. Not the in world characters, the fans. When ppl say they feel bad for Powder or miss Powder or prefer Powder or Powder is their favorite. It actually bothers me, and I think fellow Jinx enjoyers understand why without me having to say it. I'm gonna try and articulate why: Jinx is Powder. That is the same person. They aren't two different people. They are the same person with different names. Saying you love Powder implies that you don't love Jinx. That is LITERALLY the problem with Vi and how she views her sister. You may miss the way someone used to be, but that someone isn't real. You love a version of a person who no longer exists. The point of Powder becoming Jinx is to show how an innocent kid with neurodivergent struggles can fall into the wrong hands and suffer because of it. People like Jinx aren't born, they're made. If you only love the person she was before, you don't love a person. You love the idealized, digestible, comfortable version of them. It's easy to have sympathy and feel bad for a kid crying and trying their best and struggling, it's harder to love the person they become because they weren't given help or a good home to grow up in. You like the idea of this cute kid with potential. But when you actually see the result of that pain and psychological damage they go through you're scared or disgusted or angry at her for existing the way she is. This is a very real double standard and idc what anyone says. It's ok to not like Jinx, it's ok to like Powder, it's ok to sympathize with Powder and wonder what she could've been like if only she wasn't dealt those cards. However, separating Jinx and Powder as different people reenforces the idea that people like Jinx are undeserving of love or compassion or being seen as people at all while you romanticize the helpless children who are lost and in need of help. The show does purposefully separate Powder and Jinx as different people because of the very thing I'm talking about. Jinx wants to leave behind the pain of her past and pretend she's not and never was that weak little girl, so she tells herself Powder is dead. Vi can't deal with the fact that her sister has become unrecognizable to her and she doesn't really know her anymore especially after all the horrible things that Jinx has been taught to do. So, in order to cope with the loss of who she thought her sister was, Vi separates the two in her mind and tells herself it's ok to hurt her now because that's not little sis precious Powder, that's the crazy bitch who murdered people Jinx. You're picking and choosing who to give your love and compassion to, when the people you're choosing between are the same person. Do you not see how that's ultimately unhelpful and goes against the whole point of depicting someone like Jinx in a show like this? At the end of the day it's just a show and most of the people who say they miss/prefer/love Powder don't mean any harm, just wanted to get this idea out there and see if anyone agrees.

[mytardisisparked]

Shirts

Scully wakes up one morning to realize her usual shirts don't fit anymore.

Read on AO3.

She’s at Mulder’s apartment when she wakes up one morning and realizes that her blouse is way too tight to wear to work. The buttons at her middle are fit to pop and the whole thing is pulling until there are sizeable gaps between the strained buttons that show… well, everything.

With a sigh, she wrestles herself out of the shirt and silently bemoans the hubris that kept her from accepting her mother’s offer to help her shop for maternity clothes last weekend. She thought she had more time.

That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? Always thinking we have more time…

She swallows hard and digs through her side of Mulder’s closet for a different blouse. Everything there is the same size as the one she just tried to put on. She considers, for a moment, just re-wearing her shirt from yesterday – Sunday – but it’s more casual than she would prefer, especially since she feels she has an image of professionalism to maintain in light of her increasingly-evident condition.

She hasn’t heard any of the rumors – she suspects she may have Agent Doggett to thank for that – but she knows they’re circulating. She’s seen the shared looks and not-so-subtle glances when she walks through the upstairs offices. Most of the bureau must know by now that she’s pregnant and have a solid idea of who the father is.

Her skin crawls to think of what people might say, not because she’s ashamed in any way, but because she knows that no one will ever understand the depth of her relationship with Mulder; no one can grasp exactly what he meant to her and what she meant to him. They will think of tawdry nights out on the road or locked doors in their downstairs office, rather than the encompassing love and comfort and friendship that lay between them. The rumors will make their relationship sound cheap and dirty when it was anything but. 

And then there are the people who will romanticize it, who will imagine her grief and try to sympathize when they have no real idea of how large the gaping hole in her heart is. They will never fully understand that Mulder had become her whole world, their lives entangled in a beautiful and painful and confusing way that even she isn’t sure how to define. She loved him, and still does, but they were so much more than just love. They were more than any simple word in this language or any other. The hollow sympathies and the cards and the flowers will mean nothing, if they ever come. They can never fully encapsulate who she and Mulder were, together.

And so, she isn’t sure what’s worse – the scorn or the pity. She’s glad she hasn’t heard any of it. She hopes she never does.

Her eyes slide from her own shirts to Mulder’s. There are a few missing; she has been slowly taking them out to sleep with, one by one, as Mulder’s cedar-y scent wears off. She grabs a light blue one and slides it over her arms and shoulders, starting to button it up. 

It fits. Not perfectly, but it lays over her stomach and breasts comfortably. The shoulders are a bit large and she will certainly have to roll the sleeves, but the fit reminds her, in a way, of the looser suits and blouses she wore when she was younger, when she first started working in the X-Files.

She stands in the mirror, taking in the shirt and her face and the bump at her waist that is becoming more and more apparent. The shirt might be reminiscent of her younger days, but the rest of her is not; there are dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks look more hollow than they ever have. Her mother would say she looks haggard, if Maggie Scully weren’t too kind to make any comment on her appearance at all, aside from the occasional “you look a bit tired, darling,” or “I think you’re starting to show, dear. I can tell if you turn just the right way.”

Scully sighs and rolls the sleeves, sliding her jacket over it. She turns in the mirror and decides that her appearance is acceptable.

When she arrives at work, she sees Agent Doggett do a subtle double-take at her outfit. He seems to consider it for a moment before turning back to his work without comment.

She lets out a breath as she sits at her desk and opens a file.

—

Despite her mother’s repeated offers to help her shop for maternity wear, Scully continues to wear Mulder’s shirts. She washes them in his washer and dryer, using his brand of detergent and dryer sheets in the hopes of making them smell more like him. It helps, she thinks. Maybe.

A kind coworker from the fingerprinting lab gifts her a couple of maternity shirts that she had purchased but never worn during her own pregnancy. Scully smiles and accepts them, but they never leave her closet.

The material of some of Mulder’s shirts is a bit stiff and scratchy. She wears them anyway, over a tee or a tank on the days when her skin feels too sensitive. 

Her stomach itches now from the stretching. At night, she sometimes imagines that it’s Mulder’s warm hands applying lotion to her abdomen instead of her own. She can almost feel his breath brushing her neck and tickling her hair if she closes her eyes.

Though she’s been able to feel the baby kicking on the inside for a bit now, the first time she can feel it from the outside is during one of the times she’s applying lotion. A tiny foot presses against her fingertips and she immediately falls apart, thinking of how excited Mulder would have been to feel that first kick.

She still uses lotion after that, but she refuses to think of Mulder while she applies it. She can’t.

She still wraps herself in his shirts every day.

Her mother stops offering to help her shop. Instead, she brings by a bottle of Mulder’s brand of detergent.

—

Eventually, Mulder’s shirts no longer fit.

She’s almost through her seventh month now, and his shirts fit almost as poorly as her own did the first day she started wearing them. 

On the weekends she wears his sweatshirts, which are still mostly loose. During the week days, she wears sweaters.

She calls her mom. They go shopping. It’s a quiet affair, but they come home with a good handful of pants, blouses, and casual shirts for just about any occasion.

She still wears his sweatshirts on the weekends, even as they grow tighter. The material is soft and the fabric still smells faintly of him. Something about it holds the scent longer, she thinks. Or, perhaps, it’s just her imagination –the ghost of a scent lingering around the Oxford lettering.

Who cares? It feels good. It feels better.

She’s never heard the office gossip, not even a whisper. She does hear Doggett snapping at a pair of agents in the 3rd floor breakroom once, not long after she starts wearing sweaters instead of Mulder’s button-ups, but she never finds out what they had said to invoke Doggett’s anger. She doesn’t ask, and he doesn’t say.

He brings her hot chocolate sometimes. And ginger tea for her stomach. She remembers one day, as he hands her a mug of cocoa with extra marshmallows, that John Doggett was a father once. She wonders if her own impending parenthood brings up any painful memories for him. If it does, he never gives even the slightest indication. Instead, he asks her things like how she’s feeling, how her checkup appointments go, and if she’s still craving green olives. (“I picked up a jar last night. In case of emergencies.”)

She takes the olives appreciatively and eats the whole jar in one sitting.

—

When Mulder returns, she gives back his shirts. He gives her a small smile and lets her help him rehang them in the closet next to hers. 

Things are a bit tense. He’s still not fully back, still feeling discombobulated from missing almost half a year of his life. Of her life. 

She can see the flashbacks in his eyes. He’s remembering things – slowly, painfully – from his abduction. He flinches at the sound of a saw from the construction site across from his apartment complex. He pulls away when a nurse tries to grab his wrist to check his pulse. He won’t lace his boots around his ankles. Unpredictable sensations threaten to overwhelm him and she feels terrible that she can’t even fathom how to protect him from it.

She feels even worse that he seems resistant to letting her try.

They sleep apart for a few days. She cries and doesn’t even try to blame it on the hormones. 

He calls her in the evening on his fourth day home from the hospital and asks if she’s seen his favorite Oxford University sweatshirt; “the blue one with the boxy lettering.” She realizes it’s still in her bag of things she had her mother bring her at the hospital, and she offers to return it to him that night. 

He invites her into his apartment. She settles on the couch and gives the sweatshirt back, feeling a bit of loss as the treasured, Mulder-scented fabric leaves her fingers. Still, he smiles genuinely and thanks her, and she supposes that’s a sort of recompense.

He puts it on and freezes, looking down at it. The middle is stretched out a bit from Scully wearing it.

“Mulder, I’m so sorry. Maybe with a good wash and dry we could fix-”

Mulder shakes his head and takes it off. “No. No, it’s-” He swallows and Scully tilts her head at him, brows furrowed. 

He offers her a hand, helping her to her feet and then, a bit awkwardly, he lifts her arms up and slides the sweatshirt over her head and down her arms until its snugly fitted over her and her belly. 

He swallows again and blinks. “Yeah, that’s, um. That’s better.” 

In a second, she’s wrapped securely in his arms and wrapping him securely in hers. Between them, she can feel their baby kick. Mulder gives a watery laugh and hugs her more tightly.

And she thinks, for a moment, that he’s more comfortable than any shirt.

[marithlizard]

Having gotten the "wow this episode was 500% more lighthearted than I expected" thoughts out of the way, there's still a LOT to unpack. 1. First off, who lied to Blitzo and Fizz to keep them apart? They obviously realized who and felt no need to say it aloud. I can only think of two possiblities so far: Cash, lashing out at his son, and Mammon, seeing a vulnerable talent to exploit. Both of them would want to keep Fizz isolated and dependent. (Did Barbie also get lied to? Is there more behind her anger at him? I hope so, it'd be more dramatically satisfying.)

2. I'm really impressed by how hard the creators tried to get the portrayal of Fizz's disability right. Very matter of fact, no lingering on painful details or inspirational bravery etc. Fizz has frankly awesome prosthetics and uses them with ease. He doesn't want his horns to be seen, even when he first wakes up and no one else is around, and that means the audience doesn't get to see them either except briefly during a flashback. Blitzo isn't the pitying type in any case but Fizz makes it clear to him that he's okay with himself as he is and happy with his life.

I can't say if the writers got it right, that's not my call to make, but it's obvious that they tried.

(Also the chihuahua on wheels is so cute as a low-key detail)\

3. Blitzo is more open and honest with Fizz than we've seen him with anyone else except Barbie. Even before they start to reconcile, he's only at a mild level of defensive hostility compared to how he was with Verosika, and once they're in the cage together it's obvious he still thinks of Fizz as his best friend at a gut level.

Thanks to that, we finally get to hear what his problem is with Stolas. He's interpreting every expression of care and interest as fake and trying to stay hostile and aloof to protect his heart, but he can't even keep his angry face on while he's ranting about how noble demons don't care about us plebes. He so obviously wants the affection to be real. But I still think he's going to take the crystal gift in the worst possible way.

4. Striker's "Why is it always a sex thing with you people?!" attitude amuses the heck out of me. I have to sympathize with him there. (Also loved Blitzo's "oh great, the supremacist is praising me" line, reinforcing that he knows everything he just said was him being in denial.) I'm getting the sense that we will find out why Striker hates royals so much at some point.

[alieinthemorning]

Melancholia [Avatar of Wrath | Satan]

Content: Hurt/Comfort, Self-Indulgent

Pronouns: None

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don't forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work's concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

Despite what everyone thought

you got angry

really angry.

So angry that you ended up snapping at the brothers, stormed into your room and just started wrecking it.

Throwing things here and there.

Even to the point of throwing your D.D.D at your open door

that Satan was standing in.

“Woah there.” He said, catching the device with ease. “You might hurt someone.”

You glared at him. “Just because you feed off anger doesn’t give you the right to instigate mine.”

He sighed. “I’m not here to make things worse. I’m here to help.” He paused, holding out a hand. “If you’ll allow me.”

You stared at the open invitation for a moment before turning away as you crossed your arms. “Whatever.”

You could already feel the anger fizzling out.

Leaving you as a smoking fume of exhaust.

You barely registered Satan closing and locking your door, securing it with a binding spell. You counted the few footsteps it took for his long strides to meet you on the other side of the room. Then he was placing his hands on your shoulders, guiding you to your bed.

“No…room’s a…mess…” Ah. Talking had already become too much.

“We can deal with that after you’ve rested.” He gently maneuvered you, curled up against him with your head resting on his shoulder while he sat up against your many pillows, a book in one hand and the other tracing small patterns along your back.  

And then, he was reading to you.

Reminding you of a long forgotten warmth.

You soon succumbed to your fatigue

from your wrath

and from your melancholia.

You floated in and out of consciousness for a bit.

Hearing bits and pieces of Satan’s conversations with his brothers.

Assuring them that you were in good hands and to not disturb you.

Then he muttered a few incantations, ones to restore your room from before your outburst.

And then,

the soft lulls of his breathing.

Which pulled you back to sleep.

A beautifully dreamless sleep.  

Until you could sleep no more.

And you had to face your emotions.

“So…do you know what caused this?”

…

You either say it or you don’t.

Keep it buried in the deepest depths of your heart for the rest of your feeble life.

You bit your lip, tears already threatening to overflow. “...I think it was misplaced. I think the real reason was…is…the death of my father. The anniversary is coming up really soon.”

You knew that out of all the brothers’

Satan would have the least amount of understanding in this.

Hell, his father was his brother

or something.

And the brothers' creator…

Well they were still alive weren’t they?

The closest thing they had was Lilith, but Satan only had the remnants of Lucifer’s emotions to feed into his own regarding her, so—  

“I don’t understand.” He began, “The feeling of losing someone important. I’ve never had it happen to me. However, I can still sympathize. I felt your wrath, that emotion, no matter how misguided, was deeply rooted in pain and hurt.”

“It’s just—” Tears fell, you were quick to wipe them away. “I’m sorry. I—”

He grabbed your wrist, pulling them away from your face, allowing the tears to fall freely.

“It’s okay to cry. You don’t need to hold back— You don’t have to be afraid to feel anymore.

"I’m here.”

I forgot how personal this one was lol

Context if you didn't read the original: I wrote this on the anniversary of my daddy's death: April 19th. It's been 14 years.

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[marsalaqueen]

Ok, I have a sad theory about Alex Turner's relationships with his women and his music, that is, I hope, not 100% true. And I do want to share it with you!

The concept is that Alex takes only inspiration from his girlfriends for the new albums, write lyrics about them, but not really love them. And the only person whom he is in love with is Miles Kane.

Before we start I'd like to say that I don't wanna blame or offend anyone. I personally do not know any of the people described below and I can be wrong about them. I respect everything they do, and in fact I sympathize with absolutely every character. All the thoughts described below came to my mind only during a small investigation of some Alex's texts, which hooked me with their references even though sometimes they are not obvious.

Sooo, let's begin with Johanna Bennett. They were dating in 2005-2007, Alex was 19, for sure just a kid. The development of Arctic Monkeys has just begun, first album, first fame and fans confession. In fact, there is little information about them on the Internet, and the only thing I found was what he recorded with her "Fluorescent Adolescent". I can't say anything about specifically her influence on the first albums, because the press did not really catch their relationship. Then let's slowly move on to the favorite of most fans Alexa Chung.

Alexa was a real match. Their names, appearance and magnetic charisma spoke for themselves. They were dating from 2007 to 2011, Humbug and Suck It and See were released in this period (Favorite Worst Nightmare was recorded before her). And if in Humbug I can’t clearly trace any references (except perhaps Crying Lightning), then SIAS is one continuous declaration of love to Alexa. It has a lot more melancholic, romantic, incredibly touching songs - «She’s Thunderstorms», «Reckless Serenade», «Piledriver Waltz», «Love Is a Laserquest», «Suck It and See» and others. There is no doubt that the main source of inspiration was Alexa. And when Alex performed live She’s Thunderstorms after their split, the bitter pain was felt throughout the song. I mean, read some lyrics from SIAS:

Your love is like a studded leather headlock

Your kiss it could put creases in the rain

You're rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock

And those other girls are just postmix lemonade;

The type of kisses where teeth collide

When she laughs, the heavens hum a stun gun lullaby

Those twinkling vixens with the shining spiral eyes

Their hypnosis goes unnoticed when she's walking by

And I do believe that Chung was his last true love. Some sort of a special chemistry could be seen between them, a strong real feeling. Alexa was loving, easy and sincere, just like SIAS.

But after only a month in 2011 he started dating Arielle Vandenberg, a Hollywood actress. With her they had their best (commercially and judging by the love of the audience) album AM. IT was cheeky, luxurious, sexy - posh as an American dream, whose incarnation can be called Arielle. She was in R U Mine? and One For The Road clips (maybe even in some more), she is definitely his Arabella starting at least from the leopard coat that she often wore. In a word, she fit well into the concept of AM. They also looked cute with him, drinking together in bars and wearing damn cool Halloween costumes. And, more importantly, she got along with the rest of the members, as did Alexa, by the way!

Several months passes and Alex is in a relationships again - this time with a model Taylor Bagley, the most chaotic and crazy one (in a good way). After stunning success of AM Monkeys are taking a hiatus, and Alex starts having fun with Miles. We come to the intriguing part. During their relationship with Taylor, they are recording a new album with TLSP, which, in addition to the sound of vintage soul with strings, is also very romantic and poignant. What they did with Miles on stage is another story, but we'll get to that later. So, he and Taylor got paired tattoos with their names, he literally wrote at least "Sweet Dreams, TN" about her (Although being born in Oklahoma, she states in interviews that she considers herself a Nashville, Tennessee, native and she has a piercing in her nose), by the way, she also made a tattoo with the name of this song. Together with Miles they hang out at her house with a pool and dog; she is in "Bad Habits" clip, and in general they are real safely threesome. They are crazy, drunk and happily doing some odd things, like the 2nd TLSP album.

And finally we are coming to the most provocative part. Louise Verneuil. I will not say whether he cheated on Bagley with her or not, but the time between the breakup and the new relationship was negligible. Rumors say that Louise was almost in his dressing room backstage while he was still in a relationship with Taylor. So, so far, their relationship with the French singer is the longest he's ever had (2018-till now). Visually, I am insanely impressed with how they look together, they complement each other incredibly, if only because Louise is finally lower than him ahahaha. She is petite and flirtatious, infused with the spirit of the 70s and Jane Birkin. Look at her clips (Love Corail, Desert and etc.), and then at the Car....

Yes, he produced some videos for her, so maybe they are similar. But his style of Alain Delon, the image of the horny teacher of geography from the 70s, scarves at concerts and so on - all this gives off the atmosphere of Louise. For example, a There'd Better Be a Mirrorball clip, in which, by the way, there is Louise as well.

The only thing that confuses everyone is her bad relationship with fans (I saw a screenshot of the correspondence somewhere, where she rudely asked the girl to remove the photo with Alex from her stories), scandals with likes on posts about rape, photos of Alex once in a while a year, and the absence of Alex's sincere smile next to her, let's be honest. And one important notice - he stopped celebrating Halloween with Louise, which he apparently loved very much, as he always carefully approached the choice of costume (my favorite is Florence and the Machine with Arielle, it's fantastic)

Let's sum up a little. 1) Since 2005 Alex cannot be without a relationship for more than 4-5 months, which is not normal obviously. He seems to be afraid of being alone, thinking that he will not find inspiration for a new album, or, in principle, he has a fear of loneliness. 2) Vibes of all his albums are a reflection of his girls. Next to them he changes also. 3) Remember the evolution of his images, in addition to age and interests, the style of girls also influences him. With Alexa, it’s simple T-shirts and old jeans, while she is in plain dresses and shorts with knee socks; with Arielle he is in tight pants and leather jackets, and she is in extravagant coats and heels; with Taylor he is in colorful suits and flared pants, and she is in very short tops with pink hair; with Louise he is in corduroy jackets and white shirts, whilst she in vintage jeans and flowing blouses - boom, all matches! 4) Obviously he has a type of girls with a square face, blond hair and bangs. The only one who deviated much from this type was Taylor. 5) I have not seen him hugging, laughing and kissing someone the way Miles Kane does, next to whom he literally glows, not afraid to show himself, not afraid to be real, foolish, but really himself.

Perhaps happiness loves silence and Alex, as a not very public person, keeps all the feelings between him and his woman, but he is too open next to Miles, not afraid to show his feelings in public, which raises some doubts.

I would like to write a separate final post about Al and Miles, if it is necessary at all. Please let me know if any of this resonated with you, and if I can flesh out any of these points to you in more detail, I will do so with pleasure!

[thedoubteriswise]

I respect your opinions a lot and I don't mean to argue feel free to ignore this but threatening to withhold your vote to influence government policy is THE basis of democracy. take that away and what leverage do the people have? your vote is between you and yourself. most people making noises about not voting Biden will probably end up voting for him anyway but it's important to at least be able to express dissent and say. here's my line I will not cross. there's an implication in that post that anyone who's threatening to withdraw their vote is privileged and won't suffer any negative consequences from a trump administration that is simply untrue, as many Arab Americans are people of color. loudly shushing and calling out voices on the left who express their disgust with current gvt policy by pointing out that the alternative is worse ultimately in the long run gives a pass to the left to also get worse as long as they don't get on trumps level

Idk. I probably will vote for him. but guilt tripping people who are uncomfortable with genocide ain't it

much like everyone who's not an absolute ghoul, I'm also pretty damn uncomfortable with genocide, so I'm not "guilt tripping" anyone for feeling the same way. I get that I'm being flippant in the tags this ask is about, but that's a very weird and uncharitable interpretation of what I said.

my actual point is that if donald trump becomes president again, it will not improve what's happening in palestine, and in fact will almost certainly worsen it to a significant degree. I say this with full awareness of the despicable misery palestinians are already being subjected to. there's no benefit whatsoever to letting this guy win. even just the idea that allowing republicans to win elections will somehow force democrats to the left in the future is based on like... nothing? it's not what happens; I don't know why people keep imagining that's a thing that regularly occurs in real life.

beyond that, I take issue with the point that this doesn't matter because most of the people saying this stuff will end up voting for biden anyway. I remember how this kind of conversation affected the outcome of the 2016 election. maybe a lot of them will vote for biden, but the thought process expressed in that tweet being constantly put forward in public discourse has a considerable effect on the behavior of the electorate as a whole, and we have very recent evidence of that. it's impossible for me to pretend that this type of shit is harmless. I'm not "shushing" people for saying that US foreign policy on this is disgusting (it is disgusting, it always has been, and saying so is right, which is why I'm doing it too). I'm telling them to stop encouraging people not to vote, because doing so has observable negative impacts.

and to be clear, it's truly not that I don't understand why people feel the way they do about voting for a candidate who's doing bad things - I do get it, I don't think the feelings themselves are wrong or unjustified, and I sympathize. but republicans won't care that they only won because the left was too demoralized to show up, or because the left thought they were taking a principled stance by withholding their votes. they'll fuck things up either way. the negative feelings you have about being stuck voting for shitty democrats are valid, but those feelings, whether motivated by simple empathy or by deeply painful personal experience, don't alter what republicans actually do when they hold public office.

you are an autonomous human being, I'm just some admittedly fallible guy with a tumblr account, and I can't force you to do what I think you should do. but I couldn't possibly disagree more that "threatening to withhold your vote to influence government policy is THE basis of democracy." I think actually weighing in on the available options whenever you have an opportunity is the basis of democracy, and withholding your vote isn't doing that. I think disapproving silence and apathetic silence look exactly the same to an outside observer. I think whoever told you that walking away from the table and letting your opponents make all the decisions is some kind of power move was either malicious or not very bright.

and, respectfully, I am completely certain that you are wrong when you say your vote is between you and yourself. the worldwide material consequences of letting republicans be in charge are worse than the material consequences of letting democrats be in charge, and we have oodles of evidence of this reality available to us. knowingly making a decision that increases the chance of the more dangerous candidate gaining power when it's pretty easy to do the opposite is not a rational or morally defensible choice, even if the less dangerous candidate is still a bastard. even if the intentions that lead someone to that choice are understandable and decent. people are entitled to form their own opinions and act accordingly, but they're not entitled to me praising or ignoring actions that are materially damaging.

which is a very long way of saying that after months of putting up with seeing this nonsense, mostly in polite silence, I think I'm allowed a single, tiny, factually justified wobbly in the tags of a tumblr post containing a screenshot of a dogshit stupid tweet.

[riverdale-retread]

which is the ask that made you go from archie hater to reluctant archie sympathizer?

i think it was the first ask about hiram and archie's dynamic in combination with the one about who is least likely to make archie cum.

With the first ask, I was made to think about those two characters as themselves, unmediated by veronica (for hiram) and jughead (for archie). it brought about some sort of chemical reaction that was intensified by having to confront Archie's pain as a survivor of abuse from the other ask.

But more than my own thoughts, it was the Archie Understanders coming through in the tags that as @wallbeatjournal has said, Opened My Third Eye.

@hauntingattheblackberrypatch 's comments that have been echoing in my head ever since: #on the one hand. sure yeah absolutely archie does accept that his beauty means he must nobly and graciously accept whatever desire for him#he is confronted with. but UNCOMPLICATED!?!?!?#he believes his body is public property because his sexual introduction was grooming and repeated rape by his music teacher#grooming cw#csa cw#rape cw#archie's so conflicted about people assuming Goodness and Purity of him bc he's carrying the weight of that trauma & the following violence#that jughead insists on that image while refusing to express his own desires i think is the real reason they can't ever get together#archie at least knows what to do with someone who wants him while imagining him Pure

and these from @wallbeatjournal:

# archie performs sexually in the sense of playing a sport or an instrument imo and idt he would let himself fail at it

😣😥😫😭😭😭

[adracat]

G Witch Episode 15 thoughts

This was an intrigue heavy episode focusing on the nature of war profiteering and the Earthian conflict. This was a much needed look at differing perspectives beyond Suletta and Miorine.

We knew from Earth House and Sophie/Norea that the situation on earth is bleak. But this was the first proper glimpse at how much. Constant rationing, unsafe living conditions, lack of medical care; the worst possible situation for these people. And that's not factoring in Spacian warmongering for the sake of profit margins.

And poor Guel is caught in the middle of it all. You have to feel sorry for the guy. Sure, he's a spoiled spacian 'prince' but he also murdered his father and now his family company is about to be bankrupt while he's trapped as collateral. To the earthian's credit, they're trying to keep him alive. Sadly, Guel lacks the will to live after the plant incident.

Nika's situation is also dire. Norea is devastated by Sophie's death and has no patience for Nika being a spacian sympathizer. She wails on Nika and chides her for being selfish. Norea has a bit of a point here, much as I like Nika. Attacking a school full of civilians was shitty, but so is the earthian treatment by spacians.

Meanwhile, Shaddiq has an enlightening conversation with his adoptive father. It's revealed what exactly the corporations are doing to make a profit. To my understanding, they're funding wars by selling weapons to the highest bidder. Perhaps funding both sides of massive conflicts if it's profitable. Partitioning implies they divvy up sections of earth to corporations.

I suspected Shaddiq was some flavor of earthian since we know he's an orphan with a lot to prove. Half-earthian is interesting, since it implies he remembers his parents and sees himself relating more to his earthian heritage. He says he wants to break this system, but is that his true goal? The DoF were retaliated against because of his actions. We'll see.

Sophie's gravemarker being stuffed animals hurts so much. She was a hero to these kids apparently. UGH! Twisting the knife. We also see the DoF prepping for the Benerit retaliation with these small bits of humanity. A soldier embraces his family as worried civilians watch on. The spacians are looking worse by the moment.

I really liked this subplot for Guel. This girl was about to murder him as revenge for her father dying at Plant Quetta, but when she was crushed by rubble he tries to save her. She even asks him why, and the truth is he doesn't know. He just heard her calling for her dad and could relate to her grief.

But for all his urgency, the child dies in his arms. He sounds shaken and visibly changed from the Guel we once knew. Guel has seen the horrors of earthian oppression first-hand. The only positive is this incident rouses him from depression.. I'm so proud of him. Though, it's still a mystery what he intends to do. Protecting the last he has of his father could mean anything.

**Quick addendum, it's so smart to have Guel go through these trials in particular. Not just because of his privilege , but he was the most entrenched in the dueling games and prized his piloting skill. The school intentionally familiarizes its students with weapons of war, reducing their impact when they begin selling or piloting for real. It's a cyclical horror-- children who become coporporate heads have no idea of the damage they're doing by selling these weapons at the earthian's expense.

Brief mention to Olcott. I think you're pretty cool. He's apparently a former Dominicus soldier aquianted with Kenanji. Just like Guel with the girl, he empathized with Guel during his captivity, and it's implied he was the reason why the spacians didn't just do away with him. The man is shown to be traumatized himself by the rampant conflict. I'd love to find out more!

This post-credits scene was a doozy. It's painful this is the bulk of Mio's screentime but at least it was interesting. We learn Notrette was a botanical engineer who veered into human bioengineering at some point. We also learn Prospera wasn't lying and QZ was indeed Notrette's vision. Rajan is cagey on the exact details but apparently Delling wants to complete it for his wife's memory. Sorta noble? The Notrette-Elnora/Prospera connection seems very likely now.

It was lovely of Rajan to say this to her. He wants her to follow her heart and not what would please her parents. Whether Moirine will decide to proceed with Quiet Zero is for another day. i CAN'T BELIEVE IT ENDS HERE ;-;

See you next Suletta Sunday!

**Addendum, again lol But I forgot to comment on Eri here. She does look older. It seems like she lived for a number of years past Folkvangr, but still died during piloting. A handful of years more at most

[kittyandco]

am i just in different spaces than a lot of people or have i legit never seen anyone earnestly being like "this character was justified for doing bad things because they had a rough background"? i feel like that's a complete fabrication at this point. more than likely it's just a lot of people don't seem to understand sympathizing and/or empathizing with someone while simultaneously disagreeing with their actions. you can (and should more often) do that! it's a good exercise in empathy (as an aside, it's important to understand why bad things are the way they are, and how they came to be, so they can possibly be prevented later).

fictional characters (and real people but this isn't the blog for that. just treat people with respect.) who do bad things aren't suddenly zapped of their humanity, feelings, relationships, or experiences that led them to this point. and it's fun, cathartic, and interesting at the very least to explore these aspects... and even, god forbid, feel for them and cast them in a sympathetic light in certain contexts.

they still feel pain and clearly they didn't deal with that pain constructively given that we're talking about Bad Guys here. so i will continue to talk about them in this way, especially because i perpetually commit the grave sin of connecting with characters like this... because we have similar experiences or outlooks on certain parts of life. and just because we may have perspectives that align in some ways, that doesn't mean i'm just as evil or "excuse it," because their thoughts don't solely revolve around EVIL TERROR BADWRONG CRIME MURDER KILL.

there are many influences on a person that come from all over. even the guys with the most one-track-mind think about other things and approach multiple facets of their lives based on their general life outlook. WHY do they want to do the bad things they do? why did they (possibly) once do good things? who or what is important to them and why? why do they see themselves as above others? what do they think about their autonomy, and the autonomy of others? did they once feel powerless, and what do they do about it when they feel that powerlessness now? what happened to them?

why aren't we allowed to acknowledge the potential suffering they went through and why/how they're here now, doing the things they do? why are we only allowed to do that when it's a Good Guy?

if i dare to connect with Bad Guy and want to explore their justifications and commit the horrible crime of feeling for them, i guess that means i condone all the crimes ever. at this point, yeah!!! fine!!! if that's what it takes! fine, yes, they suffered and that means they can do whatever they want now. go forth, babe, be terrible. you have my seal of approval. i do not see it 😪 but if i did, let's say hypothetically i did, just know it was hot

[thyhonesteheorte]

growing pains in friendships~

personal rant about friends, friendships, romantic attraction, being sapphic, aromanticism, etc...

have't even thought of it before but god it's so easy with her!! haven't laughed as hard as i did today for a long long time. we just got so comfortable with each other so quick so easily. we clicked you know! third day of school she asked if she could sit next to me (it was one of the only available spaces in the class). soon discovered she liked the same books and has the same opinions and the same introverted awkward nature as me. but we're different too. she's an older sister, i'm an only child. she likes her books neat and unblemished, i really don't gaf. she lets me borrow her books and obviously i'm careful asf with them cuz they're not mine duh! we banter and tease each other and give each other hope & help in academics. we sympathize with our different parental dynamics and joke about the similarities to hide the anxiety and i think she'd be okay if she knew i was queer. tbh i think i just fall a little in love with every single person i become friends with or at least have a nice conversation with. it's mostly the girls tbh. no actually the rush of love always comes for the girls and the people who just aren't boys. not being a misandrist (just never been a girl who's been friends with boy, except that single one i can only compare to and draw my conclusions from), idk if it's shared sisterhood or plain awe but it's always fucking confusing that's what. one sided homo-erotica you could say? or maybe it's just amatonormativity combining with my media-induced obsession with romance? there's always this thing in the back of my mind that i might just be aromantic (not demi as how i currently label it, maybe gray?). oops i spiraled, i meant to just talk about this one particular friend from my school. it's not a real romantic crush or anything but once i get it in my mind i can't seem to let it go easily, it's already happened with a few people recently. how do you even differentiate between romantic & platonic attraction?? aren't the most beautiful "romances" between best friends actually (reminds me of how i should call my best friend. actually we don't really call each other that, we're each other's closest friends tho.. i think so? we don't go to the same school or study together or talk everyday, not anymore, but i really think so.. i mean she said it herself on the phone the day before my birthday). growing pains, particularly in relationships - new & old - are really fucking complex & confusing aren't they? isn't the height of intimacy in laughter and honest shared conversations? or is that just my youth & naivety speaking? i act like i know it all but i know absolutely nothing. i act so mature except i'm just another barely sixteen year old who wants to be unique and wants to feel the soul-shattering love that everyone else does. idk.. i love them all. i love you just a little a. i definitely love you n. and i think i'm falling in love with you too r. i just don't know what the fuck to label it as, feels like you've all got it figured out and i just can't tell the difference between it all.

[massiveladycat]

TW: SUICIDE MENTION TW: STALKING i remembered this one movie i watched earlier and i rewatched it and now im thinking it was kind of,, strange?? like i love the art and i think the writing would be great with another plot, but what is this plot of a girl stalking a boy as his pet cat,, like if my dog turned out to be a real human boy i couldn't love him romantically thats like my SON like miyo's obsessed. stalkerish. i mean, it was a fine movie but it felt really weird that the relationship was forced. it was basically like “oh if you don’t like her back then she’s gonna disappear and it’s all your fault if she does” like seriously. the stalker should not win in any situation she was a creep to the dude. it’s not cute to constantly pursue someone when they aren’t interested and have shown (as stated by the best friend) no interest in her. it is, dare i say, predatory. she essentially sneaks into his house and finds out personal stuff about him to get closer to him. they weren’t sharing bonding moments, she was just delusional and attaching herself to him because he was unknowingly kind to her. miyo is DEFINITELY not emotionally stable. When the movie first starts you see her walking down the street while mumbling about her feelings. she heavily implies she was suicidal. then there is a scene where she literally says "I used to wish the world would end but then I met Kento" she was very emotionally dependent on him. when she got rejected by him she literally sold her soul, showing that she thought there was no reason for her to be alive as a human if she didn't have kento in her life. even after she sold her soul, traveled to a different realm, and was going to be stuck as an animal for the rest of her life her biggest concern was you guessed it KENTO. at this point, I don't think that Miyo even really has feelings for kento, kento is just the only thing preventing her from suicide. miyo and kento's relationship is not healthiest in the slightest. love isn't a fix for mental health issues. i’d have loved if Miyo realized her stalker behavior was a misplaced outlet for her pain and fear of abandonment and kento rightfully put up the boundaries part way through the movie but resolves to help her upon leaning the truth because he does care for her but not romantically. the two end the movie as friends, kento becomes a successful potter and miyo begins to build a loving relationship with her family again, because lowkey the family situation was something i'd like to see because i feel like people would sympathize more with "my parents are arguing and i dont know how if feel about my stepmom" for miyo's plot than "i will turn into a cat and stalk my crush"

[esther-dot]

Lyanna and Elia death actually hit the readers with emotions. Both were innocent who died because of others actions. We get to know about them more from their close families and friends and we sympathize with them. The way Ned, Oberyn and Doran mourn them leaves impact. Ned tore down the tower of Joy and commit treason to protect Jon. Oberyn risk his own life to seek justice for his sister. Yet same can't be said about Rhaegar because the people and his family has no real connection or emotions with him. Viserys never really told Dany about Rhaegar being a brother. Dany is obsessed with the idea of Rhaegar who she don't know. Jon Con who is obsessed with him had no real connection with him.

(prev ask)

They really do! Martin did a very good job conveying horror and grief over their fates. I won’t insert the quote about Elia, it’s so deeply disturbing, and the image of her babies before the throne… devastating. Everyone talks about Ned's trauma for a reason, even though we're books past his last breath, his memories of Lyanna's death, his inner torment, they're haunting.

Tbh, I'm gonna happily hate on Rhaegar regardless of where Martin takes things, so I have to really work to be unbiased. But, when I look at certain elements that pop up in Jon’s chapters that are meant to reach back into pre-canon and bring Rhaegar into the story, I’ve evolved how I read it, and don’t think Martin was writing Rhaegar as a sadistic fuck. I have to think, given the contradictory pictures we're given, that Martin is writing about what he repeatedly has written about. What do we do with people who are several things, different things, all at once?

The Hound saves Sansa, then threatens her life. Tyrion is a villain who chooses to not have sex with Sansa because he can't ignore her fear. Jon sees Ygritte weep over a song and the fate of giants, smile at him, and then callously murder an innocent man before nearly killing Jon. Martin believes in what I’ve called “expansive” characterization. They characters are multifaceted not to make us ignore one side, but to ask us to develop our ability to feel fear and compassion, to feel warmth and a chill, to find things to love and hate in the same place.

I admire that and think it's crucial not only to fully enter the characters' worlds and POV, but to be able to embrace the anti war theme. The books have so much more meaning when I accept that I love Ned, I believe the Westerosi were right to overthrow the Targs, but from Dany’s perspective, she is right to despise Starks. Her family was killed. To have Targs and Starks alike think of what Elia’s babies suffered with horror, even while they are on opposing sides of the war, that’s the truth about the war, isn't it? What we're meant to find at the heart of it all? It is tragedy for everyone. That’s what makes the series anti-war, it has to avoid glorifying violence, not just say it’s sad to lose—it must still be awful to win. When Maester Aemon mourns the death of his family, desperately wants to save Daenerys, I am meant to feel the tragedy in this, listen to the pain on both sides.

(I mean, I'm hardcore anti targ and all they represent, but I'm talking about what I believe Martin ideally wants)

As much as I believe Jon will have strong negative feelings about Rhaegar's choices, horror even, I can't imagine that Martin will write Jon's feelings as entirely one-note. He's gonna introduce some conflict, he always does. We don't yet know what that might be, but when I was rereading the Mance meeting, saw how Mance and Jaime both had a connection to Jon's central struggle, realized how the Rhaegar-esque aspect of Mance was associating Rhaegar to it all...well, I did entertain the thought that Rhaegar's actions can be read as a parallel to Jon's theme:

"Then Lord Eddard is a man in ten thousand. Most of us are not so strong. What is honor compared to a woman's love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms … or the memory of a brother's smile? Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy. (AGOT, Jon VIII)

Obviously, this is primarily about Jon, I expect it to play out in Jon’s story, but it does sound Rhaegar-esque. Jon might have been that baby to Rhaegar.

That would mean we condemn him for how he failed Elia and the babies, his kingdom, that Jon would still that horror, but would prevent Jon from being able to completely despise the man, as he too has felt torn between vows and love.

(insert my caveats re: prophecy baby, being very much at peace with Rhaegar bleeding out etc)

The pain comes in with complexity, and I think that’s what Martin wants even if I’m personally unmoved by it.

[blankticket]

how do you feel about your (not twin) double? the long you.

+ Anonymous asked: How do you feel about the other Vash?

"Oh, you mean Vash? He's cool!" Said with a loving grin and a bubbly tone; that hasn't changed. "Real cool. Gettin' to know him from day one, I've always felt reassured just t'see Vash around. What with the whole, um—" (His black-gloved hand mimes his predecessor's signature hairstyle, fingers waggling for the spikes) "—Schtick of bein' living breathing proof he's always stood back up, no matter what it's cost him.

"He's nice. Badass. Shows everyone up at the range (seriously, I don't think he knows how t'hold back with me), knows how to arrange a fine bouquet blindfolded, dedicated to everyone he loves—n'he loves a lot of people. He loves life, s'obvious to anyone who sticks around him for a minute. Can sympathize with that a lot—ain't that funny?

"Permanently others-first, that's an easy bet. Good listener. Solid caretaker. Compassionate. Not afraid to go after what he wants. There's lots about him that I look up to, you know? Plus, his coat made me feel so much cooler just from tryin' it on!" Cue overdone mischievous laughter that quickly peters out into the sheepish kind.

Quieter: "Maybe I mess around with the guy too much. We don't, um, actually get too many moments to talk, but I can't help but notice the way Vash always gets all grouchy when I'm ribbing him. I feel like… I sorta. Owe it, to him… To make him smile?"

Thinking it aloud prompts the younger copycat to tuck his knees against his chest, needing a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"It's the least I could do." This claim of effort, yet how many real smiles had he actually seen from Vash? "He's had to put up with a lot from me besides just the teasing. And Vash makes me think on how lucky I am, even if I tend to waste that. He's always trying t'save me, and I'm always trying t'save him, but we both…"

His power to heal proved useless in saving either of them in the Mists. And in Fibonacci he had seen it, just for a moment; the way his blood stained Vash. Then, when they both resurrected, Vash had told this younger copy that he had very much accepted his impending death. Not long after, he'd heard his predecessor's soul give out in Archimedes. Somehow Vash had still offered to take care of him, even after being murdered by him.

"I've never been dead-sure how he feels about me, but by now he's got every right to quit me, I think. Is it weird I sorta want him to?" He's really only brought Vash more pain to suffer, more burden to bear. "Sometimes I wonder if just lookin' at me makes him relive the bad, n'if he feels he can't do anything but watch as I make even worse mistakes. He's tired. I've seen it in his eyes.

"Well. I'd be disappointed in me, too." Vash smiles. It hasn't gone past this cheery let-down how even their extreme manifestation of Plant powers had sharply contrasted the other, visually—Vash with his protective angelic feathers, and this echo with some jet-black, twisted, incomplete monstrosity that hardly counted as a wing.

"Regret bein' so troublesome t'him. Saying things that I know cut him deep, even if he never told me. Hope he knows I never really meant it. Hurting him, I mean.

"…I just want him to live. "Glad this place gives him the chance for that."