#i know they feel different but the core of the characters are always coming of age

[thisflagmeanseverything]

Hello! I wasn't tagged but I love spreading positivity!! This is mostly OFMD but I want to send to all fandoms! (This is on my OFMD blog but for anyone)

1. The creativity of my fandom is amazing, there's lots of positivity, I met some of my favorite people through it. Also that it's still so active! And that we raised LIKE 80,000 DOLLARS FOR TRANS YOUTH? Like?!?!?

2. A headcanon I wasn't sure I liked at first was the idea of (honestly idk I will come back to this)

3. This is tough cause I love every single character. I guess the fandom just helped me love the characters more.

4. I love seeing people ship Fang with anyone, he's such a lovely character

5. I see a lot of people write about Stede leaving and coming back. I love how this event is written in different ways that never has it be boring despite having the same core beat.

6. I love seeing Mermaid Stede because it's such an important symbol

7. Second chance/friends to lovers trope

8. I hope more people come to appreciate Fang, he's a sweetie pie.

9. I enjoy all the other couples; Lucius and Pete, Garlic Soup, etc. Anything with Fangy.

10. All of the OFMD blogs I follow. Especially those I followed 2022-2024, they help me feel like there was a community here. If I had to only chose one tho, I would say @gentlebeardsbarngrill Abby ily ❤️

11. I'm proud of the Dracula fic I helped my friend make.

12. Wow it's hard to chose just one, I love all my people. Today I will compliment @thescarvedinsect on their awesomeness and friendliness. They have always made an effort to reach out to me on several different platforms

13. I love the Big Bang events! So many things to read and so many pretty pictures! I loveee seeing all the time and effort that people still put into our fandom and our boys.

14.Ed and Stede, of course. They always make me smile and feel better

15. Fang 💕

16. The way Ed grasps Stede's hand when he's down in the hold. It means so much to me and i totally melted the first time I saw that. ALSO Pete's saying about "you talk all the time how you almost died. But not that you lived" 😭

17. Its very hard to chose just one! I guess today I'll say.....the Sammy scene where Stede throws the sandwich and it hits Lucius. You can see Nathan crack.

18. #ourflagmeansdeath

19. Actively: Our flag means death, Psych cause I accidentally started a rewatch, Bollywood movies now apparently. Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel. Still in the fandoms but not as active: Haven, Warehouse 13. Once upon a Time. Doctor Who! Still into Sailor Moon. I know there are more but idk at the moment.

20. My first fandom was CSI. The original. FOREVER a Sandles girlie 🤗

21. Sherlock. Took up a good portion of my college years lol

22. My friend from England. We met on RuneScape and went from there, they were with me through all the fandoms . I think one of the first persons from OFMD to ever follow me and then I followed back was @jellybeanium124 ! And the first person when I came back to Tumblr was @jelly-of-many-ships 🤗

23. Everyone!

24. The current fandom I am in allowed me to find a piece of community I was sorely lacking. Not only did I find an online community but it's also led to an irl community. Because of this show I met my favorite people! I also got to go to Galaxycon with fandom friends! Like @captain-charlemagne ❤️ And I met some people near me who are in this fandom and had a chance to go out and be active again.

25. Not everyone will agree with your thoughts and feelings and headcanons about characters. And that's okay! Fandom is suppose to be a space for love of these characters and it's fun to share how you view them! But it's not worth attacking others; there are real life humans attached to these screen names seen everyday: the people in fandoms have real feelings, triggers, and feel real hurt when they are yelled at/attacked/etc. The way I've survived and thrived is by remembering this and acknowledging that not everyone feels the same and to not take their words personally.

tagging with no pressure: @gentlebeardsbarngrill @stedesbonnets @lunarcryptidz @dontyoulistentome @celluloidbroomcloset @greentea-and-cookies @xray-vex @crimson-phantom-designs @indigos-stuff @critterofthenight @blatterpussbunnyfromhell @virginiaisforhaters @buckley118 @shockingblankets @follows-the-bees @scribophile @xoxoemynn @crimson-and-clover-1717 @teeny-tiny-revenge

and like literally everyone else I follow/follows me/moots/people who stumble onto this! I think you all rock!!

✨ love your fandom asks ✨ 

Saw the opposite of this floating around and thought the reverse might be fun.

list 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)

a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc)

something you see in fics a lot and love

something you see in art a lot and love

your favorite tropes to read/write/draw

you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

a ship that isn't your OTP but that you enjoy

a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

if you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

compliment someone else in your fandom

your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

the ship that always makes you smile

the character that always makes you smile

a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

the thing in canon that everyone loves and that you also love

a fandom tag that you track

your current fandom(s)

your very first fandom!

a fandom you're not active in anymore but that you still really like

the fandom friend you've known the longest

the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

how has fandom positively impacted your life?

a piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces

[copper-ice-cube]

Main D20 Seasons Ultimate Ranking: part 3

Bonus: did I get any genres wrong?

(Part I, Part II, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI)

[missduskdawn]

seconding this post with a bit of human history :))

in ancient egypt times, hieroglyphs were the main writing system they used to write down egyptian, but it was an incredibly complex writing system with over 5000 pictographs by the time it died out, and it wasn't really intuitive to learn as a foreigner

so, a group of scribes called the semites that lived close to egypt (sinai peninsula) but struggled to learn the hieroglyph writing system because their own language was poorly suited to being written down that way, whom the egyptians looked down on as foreigners, got so fed up with it eventually that they decided 'fuck it, we're gonna make our own and we're gonna make it simple and easy to learn and better!'

trouble was, the only writing system of the area that they knew was hieroglyphs, so that's all they had to work from

they extracted some core concepts from it, and reworked things until they eventually came to their own solution 'one symbol will represent one sound' instead of the hieroglyphs representing entire words and concepts as they so often did

and they made their own writing system, and called it ox-house (this sounds silly, but the word for ox in their language was alp or alep, and the word for house in their language was bet, and alp and bet were the two first letters of this writing, alp-bet or ox-house, and by now you probably know where this is going :DD)

this alp-bet (alphabet ;D) spread from them to all different parts of the world!

it went to the ethiopians to the south and phoenicians to the north who revolutionized it into the phoenician alphabet, it went to the slavs, who turned it into cyrilic, it went to the greeks, who turned it into the greek aphabet (they also added proper vowels and changed the first two letters to be alpha and beta), it went to the romans who turned it into the latin alphabet, it became the arabic and hebrew scripts, it became the norse runes in scandinavia, indians turned it into an abugida (the vowels are attached to the consonants instead of being characters in their own right) and the result of that was the Brahmi alphabet (from the Brahmi alphabet later came the Korean hangul!), it literally spread everywhere

the latin alphabet we have today, all the different alphabets we have across so many different languages, the way we write words for each other to read, the words you're reading on this very post, it all came from one group of disgruntled scribes looking to make writing easier for themselves thousands of years ago

isnt that so amazing? isnt that so beautiful? so human?

all of our differences, all of our languages, it all bloomed from one and the same thing that spread between all of us, and it just makes me so emotional that we are all one people and always have been when it comes down to it at the end of the day

i wonder sometimes, did the semites know? did they know the impact they had on the world? did they know how their alp-bet was lovingly adopted across cultures and languages and made to fit with people's language needs all over the world?

how would they feel if they knew? would they be amazed? would they be shocked? in disbelief that they had such far reaching effects?

the fact that all of our many ways of writing can be traced back to this proto-sinatic alphabet is just so amazing to me

people are not inherently bad, and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise

image of the proto-sinatic alphabet, sourced from Omniglot

You can try and tell me people are inherently bad but I will never believe it, not for a second. Not when the only reason any of us are here is because we've shared resources, information, stories and small joys, and terrible heartbreaks, and hope.

Because all of this- from the first loaf of bread to the phones and internet we are collectively reading this on is only standing because we stood together.

[darabeatha]

/ I'm very passionate about this whole thing M.octezuma has going on

[maelancoli]

Writing Intimacy

i often see writers sharing a sentiment of struggling with writing kiss scenes which honestly bleeds into other portrayals of physical intimacy. i see it a lot in modernized styles of writing popularized by the recent trend in publishing to encourage short, choppy sentences and few adverbs, even less descriptive language. this makes intimacy come across awkward, like someone writing a script or clumsy recounting of events rather than a beautiful paragraph of human connection.

or just plane horniness. but hey, horny doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with poetic or sensual.

shallow example: they kissed desperately, tongues swirling and she moaned. it made her feel warm inside.

in depth example: she reached for the other woman slowly and with a small measure of uncertainty. the moment her fingers brushed the sharp, soft jaw of her companion, eliza's hesitance slid away. the first kiss was gentle when she finally closed the distance between them. she pressed her lips lightly to gabriella's in silent exploration. a tender question. gabriella answered by meeting her kiss with a firmer one of her own. eliza felt the woman's fingers curling into her umber hair, fingernails scraping along her scalp. everything inside eliza relaxed and the nervousness uncoiled from her gut. a warm buzz of energy sunk through her flesh down to the very core of her soul. this was right. this was always where she needed to be.

the first complaint i see regards discomfort in writing a kiss, feeling like one is intruding on the characters. the only way to get around this is to practice. anything that makes you uncomfortable in writing is something you should explore. writing is at its best when we are pushing the envelope of our own comfort zones. if it feels cringy, if it feels too intimate, too weird, too intrusive, good. do it anyway! try different styles, practice it, think about which parts of it make you balk the most and then explore that, dissect it and dive into getting comfortable with the portrayal of human connection.

of course the biggest part comes to not knowing what to say other than "they kissed" or, of course, the tried and true "their lips crashed and their tongues battled for dominance" 😐. so this is my best advice: think beyond the mouth. okay, we know their mouths are mashing. but what are their hands doing? are they touching one another's hair? are they scratching or gripping desperately at one another? are they gliding their hands along each other's body or are they wrapping their arms tightly to hold each other close? do they sigh? do they groan? do they relax? do they tense? are they comfortable with each other or giddy and uncertain? is it a relief, or is it bringing more questions? is it building tension or finally breaking it?

get descriptive with the emotions. how is it making the main character/pov holder feel? how are they carrying those emotions in their body? how do they feel the desire in their body? desire is not just felt below the belt. it's in the gut, it's in the chest, it's in the flushing of cheeks, the chills beneath the skin, the goosebumps over the surface of the flesh. everyone has different pleasure zones. a kiss might not always lead desire for overtly sexual touches. a kiss might lead to the desire for an embrace. a kiss might lead to the impulse to bite or lick at other areas. a kiss could awaken desire to be caressed or caress the neck, the shoulder, the back, the arms etc. describe that desire, show those impulses of pleasure and affection.

of course there is the tactile. what does the love interest taste like? what do they smell like? how do they kiss? rough and greedy? slow and sensual? explorative and hesitant? expertly or clumsily? how does it feel to be kissed by them? how does it feel to kiss them?

i.e. examine who these individuals are, what their motives and feelings are within that moment, who they are together, what it looks like when these two individuals come together. a kiss is not about the mouth. it's about opening the door to vulnerability and desire in one's entire body and soul.

[acerikus]

Okay!!!! It's!!!! A day off being a month since I finished tma and I. Gave it a couple of days to feel crushingly sad and read a bunch of fanfics, then listened to the entire thing again (a lil less all at once though bc I started using it for evening walks and it's been really nice!!!! On one of my walks rn and will be continuing through protocol I think :])

Putting this under a readmore bc I was just gonna slap together some ending thoughts, but I accidentally let the words spill out and I've been typing this out for an hour now. Oops.

Anyway. G o d this was good. I've never listened to podcasts before really and this feels like it was a good place to get into it! Only picked it up in the first place bc I've seen mutuals talking about it for years and I wanted something to do when cooking other than half watch YouTube videos in the background. Somehow I still managed to go into it totally blind except for knowing it was horror, that it was mainly voiced by jonny sims and that the spinoff has lesbians???? EXTREMELY glad I wasn't spoiled on anything, bc watching it all come together was magical and a huge part of why I had to relisten.

I love how tied together every story is and how the earlier seasons in a first listen just kinda???? Feel like disconnected scary stories???? I usually don't do horror - never been able to watch horror movies and I only get through horror games by watching manlybadasshero play them and sound so chill about it the whole time, and I knew from slay the princess that jonny had a nice voice for it too.

Anyway a bunch of the early ones still freaked me out but were like... Kinda assuring bc the people mostly made it out? Like that kinda assurance of 'oh it's not TOO scary bc they have to survive to make a statement!' ...Until they started revealing a bunch died afterwards and then the scariness was right back.

Then it's... Kinda cool how as you learn more info about the fears and avatars, it takes a lot more shape???? The tone feels totally different once you learn to start identifying which fear each statement is, where avatars are involved and start recognising reoccurring names (is2g I recognised sarah baldwin's name when it got to Melanie's statement, then dismissed it as some other Sarah like all the Michaels and the way jonny kept pronouncing gerard as jared and making it seem like there were several jareds w wildly different motivations 😭)

And after a while it becomes a lot more about the characters - including avatars from earlier on who just seemed like background spookiness, and you have to sit and listen as jon gets more and more dragged into it himself. Especially liked that part in season 3 where Gerry mentions that Gertrude doesn't like compelling people and then Jon admits he does when asked. Like. Oh. Oh this isn't gonna end well, huh.

Like!!!! The way the entire thing builds up more and more to Jon being far too wrapped up in beholding to ever give it up is really cool, and solidifies that it couldn't have ended any other way, I think. He would've always made that choice, he couldn't help it. He was always going to end up that way.

And there's the added tragedy of him mentioning that he doesn't wanna end up a mystery back in his conversation w martin at the end of season 1 too!!!! Bc the way the end is so ambiguous and open with what actually happened to them (I think I actually do like the idea that they both died best tbh, but I love that it's not confirmed either way) and like. At the core of it, his fate DID end up a mystery. One of the things he was scared of most. And that's just... Really neat????

Should wrap this up soon bc I've been typing this out for like half an hour but another thing I like is that NOBODY in tma is like. Treated as wholly a good person. Everyone's an asshole and most of the time nobody even likes each other and that's???? Really fun and interesting? Like even when jon and martin get together they still argue constantly and aren't super great for each other, and a good chunk of that is probably due to going through an apocalypse but even then, they'd probably both need to work through a lot more of their own issues independently before they could actually have a healthy relationship, I think. Even at the safehouse before the eyepocalypse happened I think they were probs sweeping a loooooot of their issues under the rug, both with themselves and with each other. And I genuinely LOVE that, they're doomed and kinda toxic and not exactly good for each other, but they still somehow love each other more than pretty much anything in such a powerful and destructive way and that's awesome.

Characters like Gertrude too!!!! Gertrude fascinates me so so much because everything about her feels like somebody who would be far more fitting as a protag to this kind of story, while jon would be some kinda distant tragic failure of the past, but that's not it at all. She's the archivist who never really became The Archivist, who learned enough about the situation and the fears and who Magnus really was to decide she was never going to let any of that in, to hold onto her humanity at every chance she got and devoted herself to stopping the dread powers in every way she could. She p much felt like some kind of badass action antihero in all of her tapes - even as it was proved time and time again that she was pretty messed up too and treated all her assistants as disposable, a means to an end.

It contrasts so much with jon, as someone who's so desperate to Know that he falls further into the grasp of the eye, who takes thrill from compelling people and seeking out information, even as it becomes clearer and clearer how dangerous it is, and how it won't end well for him. And jon cares so much for the others around him too, even as they turn their backs on him and call him a monster. He just also does that while relishing in the power he's been given by an eldrich dread entity, and being aware of that fact. Idk, I just think the way they contrast each other is neat :]

Anyway uhhhhhh tma didn't actually make me cry but it made me scared, got me hooked, made me laugh a bunch, caught me EXTREMELY off guard bc for some reason I thought jon was aro even up till most of season 4 due to mishearing something earlier on (he's demiro TO ME) and its ending hit me so hard that I just kinda sat numb the entire night after I finished it and didn't sleep Like At All for like three days bc I was too buzzed (which has only happened to me before after uhh. Undertale, deltarune chapter 2 and uty soooooooo-)

Yeah. It was good. And now that I've finally had a good relisten, had a chance to notice all the connections and plot threads and setup from the get-go and take them all in at a slower pace, I think I'm ready to listen to protocol!

...even if I did just get to the end of my walk. Oops. Maybe I'll do one tonight?

OH. OH ELIAS HAS BEEN JONAH THIS WHOLE TIME HASN'T HE

[tiyawnyana]

A/N: thought I'd hop back in to writing but for my dear, beloved wife. I can see her as at first being rough around the edges; you gotta work for her love ya know? But at her core she's a lover and will worship her partner essentially. Also! She likes being called handsome!!

Characters: Sevika x Fem Reader

Warnings: cutesy couple, soft smut, oral (reader receiving), fingering, strap-on usage, some dirty talk kinda, maybe a little ooc

Men and Children DNI

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Long Day

Lately, you'd been finding yourself dozing off on the couch, waiting for your partner to return to the safety and comfort of your shared apartment by the bar.

Tonight wasn't any different; you were curled beneath one of your old blankets, eyes becoming heavier as the bustling below didn't cease in the streets. The neon lights of the various buildings filled the room in a green glow.

Just as warmth seeped into your bones, you heard footsteps, large boots, approaching the door. The mechanical click of a metal arm followed by the door unlocking has you slowly coming back from a not so satisfying sleep.

The door creeks open and you blink slowly.

She's trying to be quiet, you can tell. She always slips those big boots off by the door, locking the door behind her as she carefully walks in through the small hallway to find you in the living room.

"Mm-" you hum, rolling over to face the ceiling as she comes into view, hovering over the back of the couch. You give her a sleepy smile, stretching your legs with a satisfying 'pop'.

"Hey, baby," she murmurs softly, flesh hand reaching down to cup your cheek as she leans against the back of the couch,"Sorry, did I wake you?"

You shake your head,"No- if you were maybe five minutes later then most likely," you lean in to her hand, cupping it with your own.

She nods, gazing at you.

She's silent for a moment before she sighs, shoulders finally sagging as she slowly relaxes.

You lift your arms, beckoning her in.

She huffs, circling the couch and hovering over you for a moment before crawling onto the couch to lay her head over your chest. Her legs hang off the couch, but she doesn't seem to mind it.

She slumps against you, head rested over the swell of your breasts.

You bring your hand down to pull the ponytail from her hair, carding your fingers through any tangles while drifting your other hand lower to lightly scratch over her shoulders.

She releases a low hum, her arms moving to hold on either side of your torso.

It's quiet. Serene, for a little while. You can almost tune out the bustling people outside the apartment.

"Did something happen, Sevi?" You ask softly, your gaze lowering to her relaxed form.

She grumbles against you, tensing for just a moment before sighing.

"Same bullshit, different day," she huffs, voice low and filled with frustration.

You hum softly, acknowledging her,"I'm sorry," you murmur.

"Nothin' to be sorry for," she murmurs,"it's a job."

You manage a half shrug, a hum once again before brushing some hair from her face.

"You're not injured or anything, are you?"

She hums a 'no', remaining quiet otherwise.

Gradually, the tension in her shoulders and back begin to smooth out, slowly allowing her weight to completely cover you.

It's comforting, really; her solid weight, concrete and toned perfectly aligning with yours.

She didn't believe in soul mates. But if they were real.. she's positive you're it for her.

At first, you don't realize she shuffles upwards until you feel her press a soft kiss against your throat. Her breath brushes the soft skin there, causing goosebumps to form across your chest.

"You're too good to me," she murmurs between kisses, moving them up to the skin beneath your jaw.

Your eyes flutter, a soft laugh escaping your lips,"Sevi- you deserve it," you hum, baring your neck further for her surprisingly soft lips. First time she kissed you, you had expected chapped lips- but no, just perfectly kissable lips.

Her flesh hand moves, ducking beneath your shirt to cup beneath your breast. Her kisses become more heated- your eyes flutter when she sucks softly, right over your pulse.

"Need you," she mutters between kisses.

"You have me," you respond back.

She pulls back, gaze locked with your before she moves up to slot her lips over yours, her kiss soft and sweet. Just tasting, refreshing her memory over the silk feel of your mouth before she tongues at the seam of your lips, begging for entry.

You grant it, humming at the back of your throat when her tongue presses against yours, tasting you.

You can feel her shift her weight upwards, pressing between your thighs as her metal hand moves down to grip your thigh, spreading you open and wrapping it around her waist.

You cup the side of her neck, thumb tracing the faint scarring from the warehouse incident all those years ago.

She kisses you harder, almost as if to swallow you whole. She would- with the guarantee you'd be with her everywhere.

She lightly bites your lower lip, soothing the slight sting with her tongue before pulling back, pressing hotter kisses over your cheek, down to your jaw and back to your neck where she intends to make her mark once more.

You shiver, panting softly, baring your neck once again,"Sev- Sevika-" you hum softly.

She grunts against your neck, not stopping her nipping and marking.

"As much as I love this couch- mmmph-" your eyes flutter as she sucks a mark over your shoulder,"Can we- can we move this to the bedroom-?"

You yelp as she's immediately sitting up to drag you closer by your hips, legs wrapped around her waist, lifting you and standing as she grips your rear.

You press soft kisses to her throat, one hand cupping the back of her head carefully.

She treads carefully, taking her time as she walks you to the bedroom before gently placing you on the bed and cupping your cheeks to kiss you again.

This kiss is deep but brief, she pulls back to grip the bottom of your shirt, looking at you for confirmation before carefully tugging it up and over your head. You're bare beneath the fabric and she's glad- one less obstacle for her feasting eyes.

She takes her shirt off quickly, and you're grateful for the heavenly sight of her as always.

Toned abdomen, dark skin, faint and new scarring across her body with those silvery blue scars beneath her metal arm and across her shoulder. Full breasts come into view as she takes off her bra, nearly having you salivate at the sight.

Your hands move to cup her sides, leaning closer to kiss over the muscle over her stomach, the gesture stirring something in her heart.

She stops you, though, and gently pushes you back against the bed, hands moving down to untie your bottoms and tugging them off. She kisses over your hips, almost like she was worshipping you and the feel of your skin beneath her lips.

That's exactly what she was doing.

She takes her time, remapping your body beneath her lips and hands- the warmth of her flesh hand a stark but welcoming contrast in comparison to the cold of her metal hand.

She was always so careful, cautious as to not knick your skin with her metal hand.

Shivers roll down your spine as she trails back up your legs, lingering above the band of your underwear before moving up to kiss and suck marks over your breasts.

She hovers above you as she moves, mouth coming to suck over a perked nipple.

"Mmph- Sevi-" you whine softly, fingers lacing into her hair,"Need you-"

"You have me," she murmurs, kissing over your heart.

She leans back, standing to grab her strap and belt, coming back and dropping it to the side before kissing back down your front. She pulls off your underwear, tossing them somewhere to be bothered with later.

You sit up slightly, peering down at her as she kneels down on the floor, tugging you in by your hips and lifting one leg over her shoulder, holding the other down against the blankets.

You're embarrassed to see she's just gazing down at your soaked folds, arousal clear as day.

"Sevika-" you groan, attempting to close your legs in embarrassment but she doesn't let you- instead, she leans in, blowing cool air over you teasingly before pressing a soft kiss to your folds.

This is what you loved (hated) most- she took her time, was a certified munch; drawing out the pleasure by giving light and soft touches, slowly spreading you open and licking over your hard clit. She'll pull back to nip along your inner thighs, teasingly kissing around where you most needed her.

You slump back against the bed, whining softly as she prolonges the pleasure while not quite giving enough-

"Sevi- please," you whimper, attempting to roll your hips up to no avail,"More-"

She groans against you, lips sucking over your clit and relishing in your yelp of pleasure. Her grip on your legs is firm, not giving you the chance to squirm into her or away.

Her metal hand holds you down with a firm grip over your stomach as she moves her flesh hand to spread you open further, almost admiring you before her middle finger prods at your hole, carefully pressing in and gaging your reaction for any discomfort.

You sigh in bliss, the discomfort and stretch a far memory from all the times Sevika had honestly fucked your brains out.

She leans back in, flicking her tongue over your clit as she thrusts her finger in and out of you, gradually adding another.

Your knuckles go pale as you grip the sheets, neck arching as moans tumble from your lips.

"Please- please! Sevi-" you babble, chest heaving with the harsh breaths you take in.

Sevika grins, gazing up at you as she quirks her fingers, rubbing into that spot.

"Perfect," she mouths against you,"So perfect for me."

A high whine escaped your lips, drawn out under her rough tongue and deliberate fingers as your thighs tremble. You reach that crest, tumbling over it with her force.

You're warm- so warm, you can feel the cool sweat across your body.

You whine, pushing at her hand as her grip never left, giving her more time to suck over your sensitive clit.

"Too much-" you groan, panting harshly, grimacing at the overstimulation given.

She finally relents, pulling back to gaze up at you with a faint smirk. Her lips are shiny with your slick much to your embarrassment.

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, standing up to hover above you and press a soft, lingering kiss to your mouth as she reaches over to grab the strap and belts.

You watch as she pulls it on, securing it over her thick thighs and buckling it over her hips. You spot she managed to grab your personal favorite- a deep purple colored dildo with ridges lined along the topside.

She again, leans in to hover over you as she reaches for some pillows whilst lifting your hips carefully, placing them beneath your lower back.

"You okay, baby?" She murmurs, always careful with you.

You nod, a soft, fond look in your eyes.

"Just admiring the art," you manage to speak softly.

"There's no mirror in here," she retorts, rolling her eyes fondly as she drips lube over the strap before leaning back over you.

You cup her cheek sweetly, tugging her closer to slot your lips over hers.

You can't help the groan escaping your throat, her strap giving slight stimulation as it rubs against you.

She kisses back like she's drinking you in, reaching down between your bodies to guide the tip to your hole, carefully pressing in as she swallows your gasp.

Her tongue pushes in, the faint taste of yourself a surprisingly hot aspect.

She pushes in completely, disconnecting her lips from yours to kiss down to your neck and muttering praises into your skin.

'So good, doll','Take me so well', and 'Always taste so good' to list a few.

You pant, gazing up at the ceiling as you adjust to her strap.

Your arms finally move, having felt like lead, to wrap around her shoulders and one hand cup the back of her neck.

"You can-" you swallow,"You can move, Sevi."

She kisses your shoulder, humming as she slowly pulls out, then pushes back in. She begins a steady rhythm, slowly picking up speed as your soft moans begin to tumble from your lips.

She pulls back from being burrowed into your neck, one hand gripping your hip as she speeds up more, gazing down between your bodies to see the strap covered in your slick upon each thrust.

"Fuck, baby," she muses,"so wet- all for me?"

You manage a weak nod, whimpering a soft moan.

At this point, you kind of go starry eyed. You can't help but gaze up at her, taking in each and every mark- every form of muscle flexing as she bucks into you, the sweat beading up around her temples.

Her short hair even manages to stick to her skin or swaying with her thrusts.

"You're so-" you moan, eyes fluttering as it takes you a moment to get back on track,"so handsome- fuck, Sevi-!"

Sevika groans at that, her hips stuttering as she sits up, chest heaving. Both hands now grip your waist, tugging you into her thrusts. Her tits bounce with the force she's picked up and you can't recall a time you wanted to touch her more.

You cry out a series of moans, head tilting back and eyes fluttering as the onslaught of pleasure builds up fast, that coil below your gut winding up quick.

"Ah- mmph-" you whimper,"Sevi- oh, fuck!"

She smirks down at you, groaning alongside you.

What you don't see is that the straps belts perfectly form over her own cunt, where she grinds her clit down as she fucks into you. She can almost imagine it's actually her cock that fills you up.

"C'mon, baby," she coos, flesh hand reaching down to press her thumb into your clit,"Cum on my dick-"

You bark out a moan, a plethora of various moans and whines ripping from your throat as your back arches almost painfully- you find your release per her request, tightening up on the strap like a vice.

Your vision goes white just as you clench your eyes shut, gripping over her metal hand still holding your hip. Your thighs tighten up, not letting her go.

You heave for breath, panting harshly as you slowly slump back onto the bed.

But Sevika doesn't stop, relishing in the sight of your release slicking up the strap even moreso. She bucks, rolls her hips, chasing her high as her clit grinds into the belt.

You whine softly, watching through nearly closed eyes as she folds in, hovering above you and rolling her hips until they stutter, a low groan coming from her throat as she cums.

She slumps on you, gasping for breath.

It's silent for a few moments and you realize you had completely tuned out the noise outside.

You slowly bring your hand up to card your fingers through the hair at the back of her head.

She hums against your chest, kissing you there softly.

"So good for me, baby," she praises you, before carefully sitting up and pulling the strap from your core.

You wince, feeling empty but she's quick to come back once she's finished taking it off and tossing it to the side. She had grabbed a damp cloth, carefully wiping you down and cleaning between your legs before cleaning herself. When she turns to toss the cloth elsewhere, you sit up, watching her move about and collecting the clothes into a pile.

"Do you want me to..?" You murmur in the quiet room.

She looks at you, a soft smirk on her lips as she crosses back over to you and tugging the blankets back before settling in. She pulls you into her side, covering you before she hums.

"I already.. did," she speaks softly, kissing your temple.

You pull back to look at her, eyebrow raised,"you did?"

She only nods in response before murmuring a soft,'Sleep'.

You settle in beside her, naked form pressed up against hers. You idly trace the metal design across her prosthetic before cupping her cheek and kissing her softly.

When you pull back, you manage to mutter,"Thank you, handsome."

Her cheeks warm, a small scoff coming out before she rolls her eyes and tugs you back down to sleep.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

A/N: lmk if you wanna be added to a taglist! I might start writing for some other characters, lmk if you have any requests!

[xyywrites]

Structuring Complex Plots Made Simple

Complex plots can feel overwhelming at first—so many moving parts, characters, and events to juggle! But the good news? You don’t need to get tangled up in a web of confusion. Breaking down your story into digestible steps makes all the difference. 

1. Start with a Simple Foundation

Every complex plot needs a solid starting point. Simplifying your central conflict can help anchor your plot.

Central Conflict: A young woman must navigate an oppressive society to save her brother. Plot Twist: The brother is actually the villain, manipulating her into becoming a pawn.

You don’t need to know every twist and turn from the beginning—just ensure the core conflict is clear and compelling.

2. Break Your Plot into Acts

Traditional three-act structure (beginning, middle, end) is a proven way to keep things focused.

Act 1: Establish the protagonist's goal (saving her brother) and introduce the villain. Act 2: The protagonist starts making moves to save her brother, but obstacles arise, leading to the revelation that he’s manipulating her. Act 3: The protagonist must choose between loyalty to family and standing up against the manipulative villain.

Breaking your plot into acts gives a roadmap—without it, things can get messy.

3. Use Subplots to Build Depth

Subplots enhance the main plot, offer character development, and increase tension. The key is to make sure they tie back to your central theme.

Main Plot: Saving her brother from an oppressive regime. Subplot: A growing romance between the protagonist and a rebellion leader. The relationship challenges her loyalties and forces her to question her motivations.

4. Create Stakes—And Raise Them

Keeping the stakes clear makes it easier to craft plot twists and dramatic moments. And don’t forget to escalate the stakes as the plot moves forward!

Initial Stakes: If she fails, her brother will be executed. Escalating Stakes: If she succeeds, she’ll be forced to take over her brother’s corrupt position in the regime, forever compromising her values.

5. Use Character Arcs to Drive the Plot

The plot shouldn’t just happen to the character—it should be shaped by their decisions, growth, and challenges.

Character Arc: The protagonist starts out loyal to her brother but slowly grows to question the values she was raised with. Plot Impact: Her arc causes her to defy her brother and ultimately join the rebellion.

Your character's internal journey should influence how the plot unfolds—this gives your story emotional weight.

6. Keep Track of Timeline & Pacing

Complex plots can involve jumping between timelines or multiple locations. Keeping a timeline or outline ensures you don’t confuse yourself or your readers.

Timeline: The story starts in one city, but the protagonist must travel to another to join the rebellion. They leave in winter, and by the time they arrive, it’s spring, signaling a shift in both setting and mood.

7. Use Foreshadowing Without Overloading

Foreshadowing hints at key plot points, creating anticipation without giving everything away. The trick is to keep it subtle.

Foreshadowing: Early on, the protagonist notices her brother’s growing coldness, which seems like a small detail but becomes significant when his manipulation is revealed. Subtle Clue: An offhand comment from a friend: “I wonder how much your brother has really changed?”

8. Allow for Setbacks & Surprises

Things shouldn’t always go according to plan. Introducing setbacks makes your plot feel more dynamic, realistic, and unpredictable.

Setback: The protagonist makes a bold move to save her brother, but it backfires—she’s caught and imprisoned by the regime. Surprise: The rebellion leader, whom she trusted, turns out to have been working with the enemy all along.

9. Tie Loose Ends Together in the Climax

Why It Works: The climax is where everything you've been building finally comes together. Tie in multiple storylines or character arcs in this moment to create a powerful payoff.

Climax: The protagonist must confront both her brother (the villain) and the rebellion leader in a final battle. Tied Elements: Her love for her brother, her trust in the rebellion leader, and her loyalty to her values all collide in this moment.

The climax should feel like a natural culmination of everything that’s happened, providing resolution and emotional payoff.

10. Keep the Ending Open to Interpretation

Complex plots often leave some questions unanswered, but in a way that feels satisfying. Open-ended conclusions can make your plot linger in readers’ minds.

Ending: The protagonist defeats the villain, but the regime is still in power. The rebellion is fractured, and her brother’s fate is uncertain. Interpretation: Did she really win? What will she do next?

Building a complex plot doesn’t have to be a headache. By breaking it down into manageable steps, you can craft a story that’s rich in layers, full of twists, and grounded in character development. Keep your focus on the core conflict, build in obstacles, and don’t forget to let your characters drive the plot. You’ve got this!

[ramp-it-up]

Fade to Love II

Fade to Love

Summary: You and Bucky go way back. Way back to when you acted together 20 years ago. You had a crush on him then, but you were too young. Tragedy and artistic passion made you best friends. Will your history make you lovers?

Word count: 4.3 K

Pairing: Actor!Director!Producer! Bucky Barnes x Reader

A/N: I've been dreaming about this ever since I got my #BuckyBarnesBirthdayBingo by @avengers-assemble-bingo. This fulfills the square: Best Friends to Lovers. As always, I crave feedback, so please let me know how you feel in asks, comments, reblogs and likes. TIA! ❤️

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Read at your own risk. Smut! Best friends to lovers. All of the reckless behaviors that come with growing up in Hollywood, teenage crush, small age gap, young love, tragic loss, idiots in love, cigarette smoking, mutual pining. Then comes the smut. :)

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

———

This was deja vu all over again.

The paparazzi swarmed the studio as you and Bucky arrived for your meeting at the studio. After all, you'd spent your teen years under the camera’s glare, a co-star in an ensemble drama series, Idol’s Ridge, that captured the hearts of millions 20 years before. 

During those five years portraying Sophie Randall, you’d met the people who’d become your best and enduring friends. Sam Wilson, who played your older brother, Peter Randall, Carol Danvers, who played your best friend, Morgan Blair, and James “Bucky” Barnes who played Sam’s Best friend and Morgan’s older brother, Jack Blair. 

There were several other actors from the show with whom you’d remained cordial and friendly, but this was your core group. 

But today? Today was different. Today, you were meeting in a creative capacity, not just as an actress. You were going to control the narrative. 

The past twenty years had been a whirlwind. A marriage, scandal, and a career that had taken unexpected turns. You'd left the acting world long ago, but here you were again, standing next to Bucky Barnes, one of your best friends. Someone who’d been through it all with you.

Bucky, with his model handsome looks, dark hair and true blue eyes, was more than just a pretty face. His career had been varied, lucrative, and meaningful.

He was now reaching phenomenal heights. And he was the one the tabloids still associated you with, before, during, and after your marriage, even after all these years. 

The shipping of the characters was inappropriate at the beginning, but toward the end of the run when you were an adult, Idol’s Ridge fans were calling for Jack to notice Sophie, and wanted you and Bucky together, even though you never dated.

It was others pushing that narrative, always trying to create drama where there was none, not you two. 

You and Bucky were just friends.

But if you were being honest, that “what if” had been curling around your mind since you were a kid with a crush on a co-star who was too old for you. 20 to your 15 when you first started the show, Bucky didn’t spare you a second glance in a romantic capacity, but he took you under his wing and protected you, calling you his “Little Star.” 

He decided that nothing was going to ruin your innocence, lecturing you all the time about the pitfalls of fame at a young age, even as he was reveling in those pits. If he knew you wanted him to ruin you, he didn’t let on.

Bucky’s decency did nothing to sway your heart away from him. In fact, it only made him more appealing. You always had a soft spot for Bucky Barnes.

If Bucky noticed you growing up and becoming a woman, he didn’t let you know. You were always his little sidekick, not quite a sister, but definitely not a romantic interest.

Perhaps it was because his best friend, another rising star in tv and film, did. 

Steve met you briefly when he was filming in LA and hanging with Bucky. They were roommates in New York and best friends, having known each other as child actors from Brooklyn.

After he met you when he was 24 and you were 19, Steve talked about you all the time to his best friend and begged Bucky to give you his number. 

Bucky refused, citing the fact that you were not ready for the likes of Steve Rogers, the golden boy heartthrob actor who partied harder than he did. Yes, that was the reason.

On the night of your 21st birthday after Idol’s Ridge was over, you had a get together in Manhattan, because you were filming a movie in New York City. You invited Bucky who was now based out of Brooklyn, and Steve was not going to miss this opportunity to get next to you.

That night, 25 year old Steve Rogers bought you a drink, and the next morning, Bucky heard you two in the room next door, cursing his, and Steve’s, timing. The rest was tabloid history: the whirlwind romance, the young, impetuous marriage, the substances, the breakout films, the nominations, the miscarriage, the rumors, the tragedy. 

You were a widow at the age of 26, the caretaker of the legacy of one of the most talented young actors of your generation. Gone too soon.

Bucky was there for you, and you for him, feeling the loss as no one else could. When you were ready to get on with life, you and Bucky created Valkyrie Production Company as a tribute to Steve.

While you slowed your acting career way down before 30 years old, only taking on about one indie film project a year, Bucky’s career had taken off. 

He’d transitioned from actor to actor/director, and of course, actor/director/producer. You watched him get engaged to Natasha Romanov, one of the older Idol’s Ridge alums, break up, and then date a string of actresses and models, but nothing ever stuck.

You didn’t understand. He could be a bit intense, but Bucky was such a good guy. He deserved happiness. Now, he was a 40 year old single successful actor slash slash with no family to speak of but you.

“Ready to roll?” 

Bucky’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

You blinked, taking a step back into the moment. You smoothed your pencil skirt down your hips, which were wider now than they were 20 years earlier. You wondered what production would think of you at 35, no surgical augmentation, just naturally you in a sea of plastic.

Bucky was the same way, his dark hair and beard peppered with gray and crows feet framing his striking eyes. But on him they were ‘sexy.’

Women were held to a different standard.

You missed Bucky appreciating your curves and your looks as you bit your lip and looked up at him with those big eyes.

Bucky’s heart clenched when you smiled at him. So fucking beautiful.

“Yeah. Let’s make magic, ” you murmured.

Bucky was a goner. 

He loved your voice since you developed the lower register of your tone. It was one thing that the critics and fans raved over in anything you did.

He chuckled at how you’d trashed his trailer when he’d tried to hide your cigarettes from you that one time. It was all for naught, since you quit 18 months after you started. 

He didn’t know that you’d just done it to hang out with him outside the soundstage door, stealing time. But it had permanently changed your voice into something that cemented your icon status in the present day, despite your limited career.

Bucky grinned that boyish grin, the same one he’d flashed a thousand times when you were on set together all those years ago. It made your heart do that little flip it always did, despite everything.

You had a meeting with the studio execs to discuss the next project, a reboot of the very series you'd starred in all those years ago, Idol’s Ridge.

It was too perfect, too full of nostalgia. But it also felt strange.

You glanced over at Bucky as he started talking to the execs. He was charismatic, confident, everything he had always been. But there was something in the way he kept glancing at you. His eyes were more intense, more aware of your every movement. 

It was unsettling, especially the premise he pitched. 

You finished up with the execs and stepped outside the back entrance for a quick break and Bucky lit up a cigarette, something you hadn’t seen him do in years. 

“You’re quiet today,” he said, leaning against the wall. You inwardly railed at him smoking again, but he was grown. You watched the smoke curl around him through narrowed eyes. Then you grabbed the cigarette from his fingers and took a drag.

“Don’t do that, Star…”

You raised an eyebrow at him and then inhaled, Bucky watching you closely. Too closely, you might have thought if you noticed the way he watched your mouth after you removed the cigarette.

Bucky put the cancer stick in his own mouth and closed his eyes as he took his own drag, tongue chasing the filter as he removed it to exhale. He peered at you through the smoke, licked his lips and then dropped the half smoked bone on the ground, extinguishing it with the sole of his brown Ferragamo.

“We quit.”

You laughed and leaned on the stucco wall with your hand, staring up at him while he smiled down at you. This was your thing, this unspoken language that was understood but not explicit.

You worked together, but it was always more than that. 

You were waiting for him to speak, but Bucky could always wait you out.

“James.”

You punched him on the arm. Hard. 

“Ow!”

He laughed and rubbed his arm as he looked down at his shoes, smiling.

“You can do it, Star. I believe in you.”

You rolled your eyes at the old nickname. He always told you that you were the brightest little star on the set. 

“But Bucky…”

You thought you lost it when Steve disappeared. But you couldn’t lose that feeling, so you took small roles, just to have permission to be someone else for a time.

Your films were critically acclaimed, but your confidence was shot.

“You can do it.”

You appraised Bucky. Something had shifted. Maybe it was the project, or maybe it was something more. Bucky looked right back at you, his expression softening. 

“Are you in or are you out, Star?”

“I’m in,” you said, your voice steady and sure.

He tilted his head, studying you. 

“Good. Because I need you.”

“You’ve always needed me,” you said, half-joking, half serious.

Bucky chuckled. 

“Yeah, well, this time it’s different.”

You could feel your heart pounding. He was looking at you like he’d never looked at you before. Like he was really seeing you. But you were reading too much into things again.

You took a deep breath.

“You know, I’ve always trusted you, right? With everything. You’re the only person I’ve never felt like I had to pretend with.”

You took his hand and Bucky looked down at you tangling your fingers with his. 

He should tell you. 

“I know, Buck. You’re my best friend.”

There it was. The friend zone. Bucky sighed, but held on to your hand.

“Although we didn’t talk about that one plot point.”

You released his hand and crossed your arms, pushing your breasts up in your sweater. Not that Bucky noticed that sort of thing.

Bucky looked at you, one eye closed, squinting from the LA sunlight. Or was it because you were so gorgeous? 

To you, his glance felt loaded, like there was something you couldn’t ignore anymore. But of course you tried.

“Which one?”

You smiled at his evasion.

“You know. The one where our characters are married now?”

Bucky smirked.

“We discussed this being centered around the children of the cast from 20 years ago.”

You huffed, frustrated.

“Yes, Bucky, but our characters were never a thing.”

He stood up and walked two steps toward you, into your space.

“Not true. Sophie always had a crush on Jack, but he blew you off. It’s 20 years later, he’s grown up and finally appreciates the beautiful woman who was always right there in front of him.”

You looked up into his clear blue gaze and had a scorching comeback for him.

“Oh.”

He reached for your face, palm resting on your cheek, thumb brushing at the side of your nose.

“Hold up…” 

Bucky moved even closer and brought his face close to yours, warm menthol breath hovering over your own. He pulled his hand back and looked at it, showing it to you briefly. You didn’t see anything.

“Eyelash.”

He opened the door and held it for you as you tried to get your soul back into your body.

“Break time is over.”

—--

The next hours were a blur.

The production meeting went long as you brainstormed for the reboot, and you and Bucky worked seamlessly together, bouncing ideas off each other and firing on all cylinders. The dynamic was amazing and reignited your old crush.

You went to Bucky’s LA home after the meeting, excited at the preliminary greenlight for the project. You both decided to work on an outline that weekend to deliver to the studio Monday morning.

You’d gone home to pack a bag and get your essentials, as Bucky said you could bunk in one of his guest rooms. 

It would be like a sleepover with one of your girlfriends, sweet, innocent and fun.

But after eating takeout tacos from Leo’s, you got to work in Bucky’s home office, and the vibe was thriving, but different. Every time your hands brushed as you passed papers or exchanged a glance, it was electric.

The air arced between you, but you couldn't tell if it was just you, or if Bucky felt it too. 

As you sat looking at the whiteboard with the preliminary outline of the pilot episode, Bucky leaned back in his chair and regarded it, a smirk playing at the edge of his lips.

“This shit is fucking brilliant. It’s going to be better than the original.” 

You looked at him, excitement coursing through you. You smiled at him and got up to walk behind his chair to lean on it and admire your ideas, as if you could see better what he meant from his perspective.

“I can’t believe it’s really happening.” 

You leaned down and whispered in his ear, afraid to voice it too loud. Bucky swiveled around in his chair to look at you. You were still in your outfit from this morning, too excited when you pack to change into something more comfortable. You looked gorgeous. 

He stood up and grabbed your hands in his.

“Better believe it, Star, we’re going to do this thing big.”

You squeezed his hands back and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. Bucky’s hands were on your arms now and he was drawing you closer.

“Couldn’t do this without you, Star. I love… working with you.”

Your stomach flipped as he murmured at you. You inhaled the spice of his cologne and savored his touch while listening to his voice.

But your stomach dropped when you heard the ‘L’ word and you didn’t know what happened; just like Sophie and Jack all those years ago, you didn’t know what came over you when you pressed your lips to Bucky’s.

You had every intention of ending the contact before it began, but Bucky’s hands were now in your hair and tugged you close. He turned and lifted you onto his desk, stepping between your thighs, pressing them wide enough so that your skirt fought the movement.

It only made everything hotter. 

Bucky used his hold on your hair to tilt your head so he could kiss down your neck. You arched your back, needing his mouth all over you, needing him to rip you out of the clothes that had the nerve to create a barrier between you. 

For some unknown reason to your cunt, words emerged from your lips,

“We shouldn’t.” 

“Why not?” 

He pushed your cardigan off your shoulders and nudged your tank top lower so that he could mouth at your cleavage. Your panties flooded with wetness. 

“We’re both grown, Star.” 

The acknowledgement in Bucky’s rumbling voice sent a bolt of pleasure straight to your core. He skated his hands up your thighs, pushing your skirt higher until you had to lift your hips to allow it to bunch around your waist. He fingered along the edges of your panties. 

He looked down.

“Black lace. Fuck.” 

He cursed low enough that you had to strain to hear him. He licked his lips, his saliva making them look so delicious. 

“Can I touch you, Starlight?”

You shivered at the nickname and nodded, breath caught in your throat.

“Need your words, Baby. Need that beautiful voice.”

“Yes, Bucky. Please touch me…”

Bucky’s fingertips traced your clit through the fabric. 

“Fuck, I’ve wanted you.” 

“Me too,” you whispered, and he met your gaze, which threatened to stop his heart. 

His blue eyes were fire, bright enough to make your whole world glow. If you let him, he’d sweep you away and ensure you enjoyed every second. You wanted it. To be swept away by him. 

Bucky started the torturous slide of his thumb over your clit. You threw your head back and whined, caught up in a nirvana you’d only dreamt about.

“Bucky! Dont…”

He stopped what he was doing, stilling his hand over your cunt.

“Don’t?” 

His voice was broken, and pleading. You used your free hand to cover his where he cupped your pussy. 

“...Don’t stop Bucky….” 

Still he didn’t move, searching your face for answers you didn’t have. You drew in a shuddering breath. Bucky’s slow smile sent your stomach into a dizzying flip. 

“Naughty girl. You want to use me for your pleasure. Your own personal sex toy.” 

You dragged your gaze over him, from his dark hair, to those wicked blue eyes, to his sinful mouth, down to the pants clearly sporting a huge hard-on. You grew bold in the knowledge that he’d started this. 

Bucky Barnes wanted you, too.

“I have a sex toy. In fact, I have several. None of them look a thing like you.” 

His laughter rolled through you. 

“I guess I have work to do. Need to retire some sex toys. Check.” 

“You’ll have to work real hard. I’m kind of attached to them, especially Arthur. Haven’t had real cock in 2 years.”

Bucky arched his eyebrow and hooked his fingers through your panties and dragged them down your legs, stepping back so you could kick them off. 

“I’m disturbed that you named your vibrator.”

“Dildo,” you corrected.

He chuckled and shook his head.

“But I’m up for the challenge of making you scream my name…”

Bucky went to his knees between your spread thighs, looking at your pussy so intensely you could feel it like his touch. 

“And I won’t tell you that I’ve jacked myself to the thought of you countless times over the years.” 

“Bucky…”

He pressed a painfully gentle kiss to each thigh and then his breath ghosted over your clit. 

“I sure as hell won’t tell you that when I fucked my hand, and imagined being inside you, that I came so fucking hard, Star, just from thinking about being buried in you to the hilt.”

You tried to focus past the pleasure of his mouth, his big hands holding your thighs wide as he devoured you. But his words had you floating.

“I… You fantasized about me?” 

Bucky licked up your slit and then kissed it, looking up in your eyes before he answered you.

“Hmmm. Yes. I did.” 

He sucked on your clit hard enough to make your back bow. 

“Eating you out...” 

Another long lick and a smile that he was accomplishing that very thing. 

“You on your knees for me...” 

The image in your mind of looking up at Bucky made you clench down and Bucky smiled at your pitiful pussy.

“...Bending you over something, like this desk, and fucking you hard…”

You whimpered, your pleasure building as much from the fantasy as from Bucky’s mouth. 

“... Maybe taking that ass…”

He rolled his tongue over your clit, working you in just the way you needed. 

“....cuming inside you, or all over your back. I’ll let you choose.”

“Oh! Bucky!”

You were practically screaming as you tried to slow your pleasure, to make it last, but Bucky drove you to the brink and you couldn’t resist him. You came with a cry that filled the room around you.

Bucky didn’t give you a chance to recover, though. He stood and stepped back between your thighs to take your mouth. You tasted yourself on his tongue and it made your toes curl. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist and he lifted you off the desk easily and walked you down the hallway, still kissing you, never missing a step. 

“You’ve done this before,” you murmured. 

“Not like this. Never this.” 

He kept you pinned to him with one arm around the small of your back and used his other hand to pull your tank top off. You ran your hands down his muscled chest. He really was too beautiful. It almost hurt to look at him and touching him only magnified the sensation. 

He spun and pinned you between his body and the wall next to the door, thrusting against you. The seam of his pants pressed against your clit and you cried out. 

“More.” 

Bucky dragged his mouth up your neck and set his teeth against your earlobe and that set you on fire.

“You’re so needy, Star. I get it, I really do. Been wanting to show you how I feel for 14 years…” 

You gasped and Bucky’s teeth scraped against your lip, making your nipples tighten in response. He let you down and stepped back, running his hand through his hair.

“Strip.”

There wasn’t much left to take off, but you obeyed and his grin made your heart stutter. 

“On the bed.” 

You crawled on the mattress and reclined among the pillows. You were rewarded by Bucky stripping out of shirt, and his pants and underwear in one go, shoving the material down his strong thighs and kicking free of them, leaving him naked. 

The sight of his large cock straining against his stomach had you biting your bottom lip.

You knew what came next.

You craved it. And you forgot all about Arthur. You reached for him. 

“Don’t make me wait any more, Bucky.” 

He pulled a string of condoms from the nightstand and tossed them on the bed next to you. You counted six and raised your eyebrows. Bucky gave you an unrepentant grin.

“One condition.” 

“Damn it, Bucky.” 

Of course there were conditions. 

“Stay in my bed tonight. Another fantasy of mine.” 

You melted. Why not? It was finally time to have what you wanted. And you wanted Bucky.

You met those intoxicating blue eyes and nodded. 

“Yes.” 

“Thank fuck.” 

He was on you in seconds, shoving your legs wide and he ground the base of his cock against your clit. He tangled his fingers in your hair and took your mouth like you were the sweetest fruit and he’d never get enough. 

You reached blindly over and grabbed a condom. You tore the wrapper with your teeth and you rolled it over his cock. He allowed it, shifting back to give you the room to work.

Your body cried for him; you needed him inside you and you needed it at that moment. You lay back and  guided him into you and he thrust in slowly, inch by inch, until he had sheathed himself completely. 

Oh god. The stretch. Bucky broke free of your mouth and pressed his forehead against yours, your breath mingling between you. 

Each of your exhales came out as, “Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.” 

He gentled his touch, stroking your hair as if you were a wild animal he was taming. 

“Stay with me, Starlight. I’ve got you.” 

As if this was something that was forced upon you, rather than what you grabbed with greedy hands because you wanted it so badly. 

You smiled, blissful. Fucked out, enjoying the feeling of Bucky’s cock pouding inside you. You needed more.

“Please move, friend. Fuck me, Bucky.” 

You hitched your leg around his hip so you could take him deeper and leaned up until your lips brushed his ear.

“I need it hard.” 

Bucky squeezed his eyes together and bit his lip as the pounding of his cock increased. You both thought he would cum right then.

“‘M not your fucking friend…”

He pulled out and flipped you onto your stomach, pulling your hips up even as he impaled you again. 

“You want me to fuck you hard?” 

“Yes!” you moaned. 

“Knees wider, Starlight. Let’s go.”

Bucky slapped your ass and then grabbed a handful of your thick hair, tugging at just the right amount of pain to go with the pleasure.

The first stroke was slow.

“Fuck, you’re gripping me like a fucking vice. Almost had me cumming a few minutes ago.”

You could tell that Bucky’s teeth were gritted when he spoke. He had to brace against the urge to rut into you like a wild animal, but his pace and intensity increased. 

For long, mind-blowing minutes, he thrust into you, paying attention to your sounds and movements to know that he was hitting that spot inside you. You meet him thrust for thrust as Bucky began to fuck you like his life depended on it.

He made the mistake of looking down at how your ass took the shock waves of his back shots and the evidence of your arousal left on his cock as he pistoned inside you and he cursed.

“Fucckkkkk! You should see the beautiful cream you’re leaving on my cock, Star. So fucking hot.”

The way you moaned set him on the road to orgasm and again and he reached for your clit, rubbing his thumb over it. Almost as soon as he did, you screamed his name and shattered beneath him. Bucky followed you headlong over that cliff and collapsed beside you, dizzy.

He looked over to see you already falling asleep, exhausted. He kissed your temple and went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom, coming back with a washcloth for you.

When he was done cleaning you up, he gathered your boneless body in his arms, pressing kisses to your forehead as you curled into him, your head on his chest and leg thrown over his. 

It was like you didn’t want to let him go.

“I know the feeling, Star,” Bucky whispered as he closed his eyes.

A feeling settling in his chest that he’d almost, but not quite, ever felt before.

—-

Read Fade to Love II

[fyuyushia]

"Someday, I know you'll come to your senses and leave me alone with all of my questions 'cause I don't have the answers I can't give you more. I know that you'll never be mine but I'll always be yours." — Senses

Ugh how does one write down their ideas in a way that makes sense and doesn't look like a mumbo jumbo mess😓😓

Sung Jinwoo getting in a relationship with reincarnated!reader who he slowly sees becoming very self destructive.

He can never figure out what goes on in that head of yours. Though you continue to stay with him, you always donned a paranoid, anxiety stricken expression that's barely concealed by the mockery of a smile you wore. Even if it was convincing to others, for him who's studied your features for ages, he could easily tell when it was genuine and when it wasn't.

It's not that you don't like him anymore—at least he thinks it's not. You acted skitterish whenever he initiated affection, yes, but you always reciprocated after a few seconds, craving it despite thinking it's wrong.

He doesn't understand why you accept his affection with such a guilty look. You bite your lip, eyes averting away from his own as you lean closer to his touch, tightening your hold on him just to make sure he wouldn't let go. You were a walking contradiction, and Jinwoo hopes you weren't this complicated.

He doesn't miss the way you constantly try to self sabotage, intentionally or unintentionally. You acted as if you were waiting on the day he'd wrung all his feelings for you dry, living every day with bated breath. It pained him to think of your actions, acting so distant despite longing for his affection more than anything else. What scared you so? What was it that terrified you so much you could never seem to find the time to simply bask in the moment and love for the sake of it?

What changed for you to act so differently? So scared of something, but counting on it to happen nonetheless. With what faith do you believe that something catastrophic would happen?

You who somehow ended up in the world of solo leveling. You don't know how you ended up here, was it reincarnation or transmigration? Isekai? You had memories of both the life you lived here and another life. It was confusing, seeing as both lives seemed similar to one another, the only difference being the presence of gates in this and the lack thereof in the other.

Fortunately or unfortunately—you vaguely remember reading a manhwa with a world building that fits the bill for the current one you lived in.

Solo leveling: a manhwa you've only recently finished back then. The main character? The man laying in bed next to you. Sung Jinwoo—your pathetic(loving) childhood friend Sung Jinwoo.

Since this revelation, you began to fear for your just recently blossomed relationship. The more Jinwoo played out what you've read in the manhwa, the more you worried about yourself. As far as you can remember, a character like you was never introduced, maybe they did, but only in a passing. Your lack of presence in the manhwa had caused fear to sink in and petrify you to the core.

What if Jinwoo plays out that certain part? Basing off on his current progress, Jinwoo was bound to meet Hae-in and get to know her more intimately from this point on. If that happens, what about you? What will happen to you who presumptuously stuck to his side even after knowing all this? Will you be cast aside? Forced to let go of this love just to follow through the story?

The fact that Jinwoo acted in ways that remained primarily loyal to the manhwa's story made you feel queasy. Will you be forced out of the picture when the time comes?

Thoughts like this gave way to self doubt, and self doubt then gave way to your self destructive habits. You couldn't love Jinwoo so sincerely anymore, couldn't look him in the eye without doubt creasing your features. The knowledge that he was fated to be with Cha Hae-in ate you up alive.

And if you think about it, who could be a more perfect pair for him? Unlike you, Hae-in was a capable hunter. Not only that, she was pretty, athletic, and not without a lovable personality as well. She was better than you, far, far better than you.

You felt yourself die on the inside as you came to terms with this fact. Resigning to your fate, whilst also wishing to be selfish, you reluctantly took whatever scraps of affection Jinwoo gave you. Before he'd move onto another, before he realizes how much you blinded him into thinking he loved you.

Sung Jinwoo notices the way you rarely cling onto him now. Instead, only stealing longing glances in his direction, hands twitching as if longing to touch but pulling away whenever you get too close. Every time, he gets the urge to just grab you by the wrist and forcefully wrap your arms around his neck, but he doesn't, afraid that doing so would only push you who slowly drifted apart from him further away.

He doesn't miss the way your body turns rigid when he mentions Hae-in in a passing. Your shoulders stiffen, and you bite your lip, barely holding back tears from the mention of her alone. That night, he spent hours comforting you, assuring you he would never leave.

Cha Hae-in was a sore topic for you, as noticed by Jinwoo. He thought it was petty jealousy at first, but now he had an inkling it was much deeper than that. You don't hold any sort of animosity towards her, matter of fact, you admired her to the point Jinwoo felt somewhat jealous by your zealous fangirling.

You seemed so sure he'd leave you for her, even encouraging him to spend time with her despite you clearly being uncomfortable with the idea. He's left confused by your antics, you don't want him to leave but you encourage him to get closer with Hae-in when you knew a simple no from you could easily convince him to cut off all relations with her and her associates.

Really, you seemed to have a penchant for contradicting yourself in the worst ways possible.

Sung Jinwoo feels his patience draw thin. Every attempt at a question was answered by a surety he found baffling. Did he seem that disloyal? He shouldn't be angry, he knows that. But seeing you slowly spiral into this complicated mess of a lover brings him closer to the brink of insanity as well.

What exactly would it take for you to see the way his heart burns for you only?

[starcurtain]

Some Notes on Mydei's Characterization (Part 2)

<- Part 1 is back this way.

I hit the tumblr image limit way before I ran out of things to say about Mydei, so here is the second half of the notes I've been collecting on his characterization. As always, interpretations are my own.

6. Mydei Both Embodies and Challenges Nikador's Virtues

We know that Mydei is regarded, by characters in the game at least, as the perfect avatar for Strife. Repeatedly, the game parallels Mydei and Nikador, and throughout our journey in 3.0 with Gnaeus, we're supposed to see the similarities between his aloof but noble behavior and Mydei's belief that violence without honor is nothing but meaningless slaughter. Obviously the undying king with powers literally based on the spilled blood of legions would be a good match for the warrior god whose conquest plucked the sun out of the sky... (Although I do like the recent discussions I've seen of there being mismatches between the Chrysos Heirs and the titans, hmm.)

But though Mydei reveres Nikador as his people's god, at the same time, he actually reviles what Nikador has come to represent, quintessentially rejecting the the central tenants of his own people's faith. Even as he recognizes the inevitability of the prophecy, Mydei is unwilling to accept the coreflame because he sees his own identity as diametrically opposed to Kremnos's conception of Strife. Mydei doesn't want to become what Strife means for his people; he does not feel fit to be Strife's demigod because he understands that doing so will mean losing himself, a person who is fundamentally different from the Nikador of Amphoreus's current timeline.

So the game is simultaneously telling us that Mydei is a great parallel to Nikador and a terrible parallel to Nikador, and it achieves this interesting contradiction by deliberately examining Nikador's five core traits in comparison to Mydei, who both exemplifies those traits and defies them.

According to the Kremnoans, the five virtues of Nikador are:

Unfearing of blade at the throat, manifesting the visage of courage

Unyielding to conniving treachery, protecting the crown of honor

Unblinking of eyes burning bright, upholding the cornerstone of reason

Unbending from wounds to flesh, forging characters of tenacity

Undaunted of risking life to protect, embodying corpus of sacrifice

Taking only the key concepts--courage, honor, reason, tenacity, and sacrifice--it should be abundantly clear how closely Mydei hews to these virtues and how they've informed his character arc so far, but I think it's particularly interesting: Mydei's story also intentionally refutes the traditional Kremnoan interpretations of those virtues.

I'll talk more about sacrifice later, but the other virtues are very apparent:

"Unfearing of the Blade at the Throat"

I barely have to say anything, do I? I doubt there's anyone who would question Mydei's courage given what we see in from 3.0 to 3.1. Without flinching, Mydei was willing to plunge into single combat against Nikador, despite knowing that he would almost certainly die a countless number of times while trying to hold the god off. Even knowing that Phainon was literally losing his mind in Nikador's coreflame trial, Mydei was willing to jump into the trial himself to save Phainon, again without a single ounce of hesitation. Mydei has lived a life where he has constantly faced death head on, where he has needed to stand up against impossible odds over and over again.

Clearly, he fully embodies the classic Kremnoan notion of charging into battle without wavering, of never backing down from the challenge, and of never shying away, even when loss is imminent. On the surface, we can easily say that Mydei parallels Nikador in this manner, and that Mydei gracefully fulfills his people's expectations for a leader to be absolutely undaunted in combat.

But then the game takes another track and tells us that Mydei is not only what he seems on the surface. With direct confirmation, the game tells us that Mydei is not fearless.

In fact, he's flat out terrified--not of combat, but of history. He is frightened of his own authority, of the responsibility he bears toward others, of choice that has been left in his hands. He is afraid of making the wrong choice, and for both 3.0 and 3.1, we see him do the exact thing a Kremnoan king--an embodiment of Strife--should never do: he wavers. Multiple characters criticize him for this hesitance, even Phainon, who jokingly scoffs at the idea of Mydei breaking his people's traditions, only to backpedal when he realizes Mydei is serious.

The conclusion of Mydei's arc in 3.1 is not the trial with Nikador. It's not Mydei's becoming a demigod. It's not Mydei's battle with Flame Reaver. It's Mydei finally making up his mind and committing both himself and the Kremnoan people to the dead opposite path expected of a blood-stained conquering nation. Mydei's definition of courage directly opposes the traditional Kremnoan definition, and therefore also opposes their interpretation of Nikador's "unfearing" virtue.

Rather than charging into battle without flinching--Mydei's courage demands the Kremnoans surrender the fight instead. Instead of dying, now they have to live. This is what makes it so fascinating that Krateros actually reacts to Mydei's brand of courage with terror:

Kremnoans know how to throw their lives away without hesitation. But asking them to embrace peace? Change? To survive? They are unprepared and entirely out of their realm of experience.

Mydei's courage parallels Nikador's--but also utterly inverts it.

"Unbending from Wounds of Flesh"

Tenacity, too, should be very obvious. Of course Mydei fits the traditional Kremnoan interpretation to a T--he takes every hit and stands right back up again. Very little needs to be said about Mydei's willingness to keep going even if it kills him, then to come back swinging even after dying. In the eyes of the traditional Kremnoan people, who could possibly be a better example of tenacity than someone whose body can't even be stopped by death itself?

The implication of the original Kremnoan virtue, linking tenacity to being "unbending from wounds," is that physicality is what matters. Before all else, to be able to battle without ceasing is the aspiration, while other aspects of the soul, other elements necessary for meaningful lives, are left under-developed or entirely eschewed. You keep going into battle or you might as well not keep going at all.

But Mydei once again challenges this notion, as his character revolves around a central conflict whose answer is "peace"--he doesn't want the Kremnoans to have to show the type of tenacity they most ferociously believe in. Like Mydei's courageous decision to lead his people away from their own faith, Mydei's actual tenacity appears most clearly in his ability to face Amphoreus's cruel world with empathy.

Given everything he has experienced in his life, Mydei is the character in Amphoreus who has the most right to be jaded, to believe that people are inherently cruel, that nothing in their dying world can be improved, and that there's no meaning to life other than to suffer. He was murdered by his father who also murdered the mother who loved him. He suffered ten thousand deaths drifting miserably in the abyss of the Sea of Souls, entirely alone--yet he clung tenaciously to that life that promised nothing but more suffering, dragged himself free of that hell and kept going. He embraced friendship and found himself a family, only to lose every tiny shred of joy he had cobbled together for himself as they died in front of him in horrific ways, one after another. He became the crown prince of a fallen kingdom, leading refugees into a city that hated and mistreated them for years while he served as fodder for battle, all while knowing that his own ultimate fate would be to surrender his remaining humanity to become an avatar for calamity, ensuring his own future would nothing but endless pain and loneliness.

The man had absolutely nothing to live for (except for the fact he can't die, I guess), but instead of surrendering to despair, he's the one joining in on the Flame-Chase Journey, telling Aglaea that he admires her most because she managed to light the flame of hope in people--even in him.

Knowing that only more suffering lies ahead of him, Mydei still ferociously embraces the life he's been given and the heavy honor he bears in guiding others on the right path. Rather than just racing mindlessly into battle, again and again into the same cycle of conquest, Mydei's truest example of tenacity is his ability to "take the first step," moving forward mentally and emotionally toward the future he dreams of for his people.

"Unyielding to Conniving Trickery"

Just as with all of Nikador's other virtues, Mydei clearly embodies the traditional Kremnoan definition of honor: He's honest, straightforward, and reviles those who use trickery to achieve their goals. To that end, we can see his act of patricide as the ultimate example of Mydei upholding the very classic Kremnoan definition of honor, killing a conniving schemer, his father Eurypon, to avenge an honorable warrior, his mother Gorgo.

Yet even as he accomplishes what he views as a necessary act--a duty to his mother's memory--Mydei does not react to the deed as other Kremnoans expect. Krateros rejoices at Mydei's decision to kill his father, but Mydei's only response is silence. Later, as I mentioned above, he discusses the pursuit of vengeance with Phainon and warns Phainon that revenge can never bring joy or closure.

In the ruins of Castrum Kremnos, when Phainon and Mydei debate the intersection of honor in combat, Mydei at first challenges Phainon's soft-hearted view with the traditional Kremnoan definition--but then, when Phainon claims that Mydei doesn't believe in his own people's tenets--Mydei remains silent again, tacitly agreeing with the truth Phainon has revealed.

Mydei is a deeply honorable character. Certainly the Kremnoans would have no scruples saying that about him, if only his surface actions are considered. Yet at his core, Mydei's definition of honor ultimately rejects everything the Kremnoans stand for, seeing absolutely no meaning in their pointless battles or their excuses for bringing harm upon others. Recognizing that nothing is truly gained even during the most justifiable of killings, Mydei's own sense of honor makes all of Kremnos's sacred history look like nothing but a record of historic evils.

"Unblinking of Eyes Burning Bright"

"Reason" is the virtue missing from Nikador, the one that up and wanders away while the Black Tide moves in. We're introduced to Nikador's reason as an entire embodied concept through Gnaeus. Through Castorice's interactions with Gnaeus, we're led to believe that Nikador was once fair and just, capable of staying his blade in respect of worthy opponents and of discerning the schemes of lesser men. The virtue, in the classical Kremnoan interpretation, seems to lie in being judicious, in knowing when to strike to always secure victory.

Mydei, of course, is not an unreasonable person. (He's more reasonable than the cranky/tsundere stereotypes he gets in fandom, anyway lol.) As I mentioned in the first part of this post, when Phainon wants to go charge straight into fight Nikador, it's Mydei who demonstrates this virtue of reason, reminding Phainon that they simply don't have the resources to tackle the fight. In 3.1, it's Mydei who reasons out what is going on in the first coreflame trial and determines how to solve their issue, find Phainon, and safely escape. Tactically, Mydei clearly demonstrates the ability to keep up with his opponents' moves, strategically divide forces, and see through enemy bluffs. By all accounts, he's a perfect picture of traditional Kremnoan "reason" too.

Yet, once again, Mydei's particular sense of reason puts him at odds with Kremnoan beliefs--because he is smart enough to see the bigger picture. What does victory in one, two, three battles mean? What does winning one war mean, if the next war is already on the horizon? What purpose does dying in noble combat even serve in a world that is already ending? Mydei applies his reason not to the short-sighted conquest of prior Kremnoans but to the longer view of the future, recognizing the futility and inevitability of the rise and fall of nations. For this clear view of history, Krateros warns Mydei that the ultimate consequence of his own intelligence will only be more suffering for him:

Like Nikador's reason standing alone, Mydei's reason sets him entirely outside the Kremnoan faith, causing him to recognize the inherent failings of a cultural system of wasteful violence enforced for over a thousand years. Looking at his own people with a discerning eye, Mydei ends up accidentally separating himself entirely from the familiar confines of his people and their traditions--like Gnaeus, struggling but unable to return to the whole.

On the surface, Mydei represents an excellent embodiment of classical Kremnoan virtues. As Eurypon says in the Kremnos flashback, Mydei bears the seeds of all of Nikador's virtues, stepping unflinching into battle, refusing to surrender in the face of death, approaching every duel with honor, and knowing when and where to strike. But at every turn, he also rejects and exceeds the confines of his people's interpretations of those virtues, using courage to stop battles rather than start them, tenacity to take the first step on a journey toward a more peaceful future, honor to reject the cruelty of Kremnos's callous views on death, and reason to grasp the broader context of making meaning in a dying world.

Mydei should be understood, at his core, as a character of extreme contradictions--both the "most and least Kremnoan of them all." Examining the way his character parallels while also wildly deviates from Nikador's perfectly encapsulates the core conflict of Mydei's character arc, the place where who the world expects him to be--crown prince of Kremnos, demigod of Strife--clashes directly with who he wants to be--the revolutionary remembered for freeing his people from despair into a true "Era Nova" of hope.

7. The Person Who Matters Least to Mydei is Mydei

Okay, so wait--what about "sacrifice"? It almost goes without saying, but I left the last virtue to its own point because "sacrifice" is the single most important trait of Mydei's character.

This is true in two entirely different ways: Mydei's life and philosophy were shaped almost single-handedly by the sacrifices of others--first, by his mother fighting to the death in an attempt to avenge him, and then by the sacrifices of each of his five friends in turn, who died insisting that Mydei should live on in their place. Knowing of his mother's sacrifice and witnessing his friends' deaths were clearly the life-altering experiences driving Mydei's departure from the Kremnoan faith.

Even as he tried to fulfill his friends' wishes by taking up his place as the crown prince of Kremnos, it's from these losses that Mydei truly learned the meaningless of the central tenet of Kremnoan belief, "valorous death before glorious return." There was nothing valorous in the deaths Mydei was forced to watch--the people he loved died pointlessly, fighting essentially for a cause and nation that had already rejected them. By watching everyone he cared for sacrifice themselves on the altar of Kremnoan ideology, he--the sole survivor, the one always, always left behind--was forced to confront the real reality of a culture that chooses to romanticize death, that hinges self-worth on a willingness to kill and be killed, that exists entirely as a war machine dependent on its ability to bring pain and suffering to others.

Even as he loved Kremnos for being the nation to birth him, the nation to embrace him, and the nation to need him--I think Mydei must have hated Castrum Kremnos in equal measure. This, I think is core to understanding Mydei's relationship with his own self-identity as Kremnos's prince: He loved what Kremnos could have been, while despising what it had become.

In the sacrifices of his comrades, Mydei found the very opposite cause his friends expected of him--he found his will to tear down their entire nation's thousands-year-old system of wasteful bloodshed.

But, another contradiction: While hating the sacrifices others were willing to make for him, Mydei has also proven himself to be an exceedingly, unflinchingly giving person. There is no aspect of himself, his own happiness, or his own freedom that Mydeimos is not willing to sacrifice if it means protecting the people, the land, and the world. If by giving something of himself, he can improve the lives of those who deserve it, Mydei will always choose to take the suffering of others on himself.

We see this selflessly giving nature from his earliest memories. His first character story impresses that even from his time as a tiny child, he was willing to aid others with no thought of reward, at his own expense even, helping drowning fisherman make it to safety but never seeming to be able to make it out of the Sea of Souls himself. By 3.0, we're told that Mydei and the Kremnoan detachment had become Aglaea's blade, carrying the brunt of Okhema's battle against the Black Tide and the raving titankin. Despite the fact that Mydei has reservations about Aglaea's orders, he follows them essentially without question, even when he knows this will put him at risk of pain and death:

But 3.1, of course, is what truly hammers the extent of Mydei's self-sacrificial behavior home. In 3.0, we see Mydei flat out refuse the coreflame of Strife several times. Mission text for the game tells us that he has "an absurd extent of hesitation and objection to accepting the god's authority," but Mydei also insists repeatedly that his hesitation doesn't have to do with worrying about himself. Instead, he says that his only hesitation is his people. Whether this is true... more in a second, but for now:

Mydei does not want to accept his destiny to become the demigod of Strife because he fears it will bring harm to those he cares for, the Kremnoan people he has fought for and died (many times) to protect. He is afraid he will perpetuate the exact same cycle of needless violence he despises if he loses his self-identity to the soul of Strife. He is, he claims, perfectly willing to sacrifice his humanity and self-identity as "Mydei" to become "Amphoreus's Guardian"--but only if he can do so while still ensuring a real future for the Kremnoans. Sure, this seems like a noble goal, but in all of this, there is no talk of Mydei's life, Mydei's freedom, or Mydei's dreams. It is only ever "what is best for the Kremnoan people" and "what is best for Amphoreus."

In essence: What Mydei wants does not matter, because Mydei's only spoken concern is the needs of other people.

For me as a fan of this character, the first half of 3.1 was viscerally discomforting. As players, we have the oh-so-pleasant privilege of starting 3.1 watching Mydei be systematically manipulated into sacrificing his own autonomy. I absolutely love Aglaea and Tribbie, but I won't sugarcoat it: by word and action, both of Okhema's demigods knowingly stripped Mydei of his agency:

First, Aglaea insults and pressures Mydei, calling him foolhardy and essentially suggesting that if Amphoreus falls, it's going to be because of Mydei's indecision. She essentially drops the responsibility for all of Amphoreus on his shoulders:

Then, Mydei confronts Tribbie about the even harsher truth, that both Aglaea and Tribbie had knowingly gambled with Phainon's life strictly to push Mydei into that corner:

Yet even after all this, even knowing that Aglaea and Tribbie have just doomed him to an end in pain and misery, what does Mydei say? "I have no intention of condemning you for it." He knows the meaning of the Flame-Chase Journey and understands that his autonomy was never going to stand up to the prophecy. He just lost every hope he might have had of living the life he dreamed of--and what does he still say? "It's okay. I don't blame you." Goddamn Mydei, won't you stand up for yourself at least a little?

Then we get to watch Mydei grow desperate. His freedom and future are already bought and sold. He knows he's running out of time, and he still hasn't found a way to protect the people who are relying on him. He practically begs Krateros to help turn the Kremnoans away from their path of bloodshed, and what does he get from the closest thing he ever had to a father figure?

A extremely cutting guilt trip, and, maybe even worse, a thinly veiled threat to withhold regard:

This might as well be a father saying "You have disappointed me."

Mydei has no one to turn to in these early scenes. Again, not a shipping post, but his only genuine ally, Phainon, isn't here to be his back up, leading to scene after scene where Mydei is treated like fate's chew toy. Players get to watch every single character who is indebted Mydei for his service and who has every reason to respect his wishes instead turn on him and push him into doing things he doesn't want to do.

(Okay, I'm lying, this is a little bit of a shipping post: I can't help but laugh, because the plot of mid-3.1 is literally "Phainon comes back for one scene and almost single-handedly solves Mydei's central character conflict by sending him to talk to Chartonus." He really said "I gotchu, man." 😂)

In Mydei's final goodbye to Castorice, we even see this unhesitating self-sacrificial nature when Mydei thoughtlessly offers to let Castorice kill him just so he can help with her own goal of pursuing Thanatos. Castorice is quick to rebuke him because, unlike Mydei, who has come to view his uncountable number of lives as nothing but currency to be spent in service to others, Castorice desperately values life. She chides him for being so willing to sacrifice himself, but he basically deflects, claiming it's an aspect of all Kremnoans rather than reconciling with the fact that, by this point, he's basically given up on trying to have any regard for himself.

In the end, Mydei manages to find his way forward, making the final, devastating difficult call to dissolve the dynasty and end the history of Castrum Kremnos. This is framed as Mydei reclaiming his agency, making the choice that he knows is right over the choice everyone expects of him. This is what Mydei wants for his people.

But what is the final outcome here for Mydei? The Kremnoans staying safe in the holy city wasn't Krateros's wish, nor the detachment's wish--it wasn't even the young Kremnoan children's wishes to stay in Okhema. It was Mydei's wish to live peacefully in Okhema with those he cares about, finally free of the shadow of Kremnos's bloodstained history and the madness of the path of Strife.

The life that Mydei secured for the Kremnoans is the life he dreamed of living.

And now the only Kremnoan who doesn't get to live that dream is Mydei.

Mydei went to Castrum Kremnos knowing he would likely never return. He went knowing his own death was already signed and underlined in future records of history, either at the hands of enemies from the Black Tide or at the hands of the person he trusted his deepest secret to. He knew that he would spend the rest of his life alone, engaged in the very same endless war he wanted to stop, the strife he did everything to spare his people from.

He sacrificed his own humanity, his entire life--everything he fought to claim as his own--all to protect other people. (I.... love this character so much...)

Nikador's last virtue is sacrifice. If you want to understand Mydei's character, just remember: Mydei is the kind of person willing to sacrifice everything he has.

8. But the Fact that "Mydei" Exists Means Something

Okay, but with all of that said, the true tragedy of Mydei's story is that he wasn't completely selfless. If he genuinely had no thoughts for himself and lived only for the happiness of others, his actions in 3.1 wouldn't be framed as a sacrifice in the first place.

Mydei's decision was difficult, and his ultimate departure was saddening, because he did have some regard for his own life. Mydei had dreams that didn't involve becoming the demigod of Strife. There were things Mydei was looking for in the world that now he will never get the chance to find.

And nothing more clearly tells players this than the existence of the name "Mydei."

Unfortunately, the effect of Mydei's name change is a little bit lost from the original Chinese to English: In Chinese, while "Mydeimos" is the same as in English (Màidémósī/迈德谟斯), "Mydei" is actually "Wàndí" (万敌), functionally an entirely different name. This works in Chinese because the use of specific characters allows the meaning of the name to stay the same (the "My" in Mydeimos means "ten thousand" and so does "万") while the sound of the name changes noticeably. In English, just using an abbreviation doesn't have quite the same effect unfortunately, but obviously the English translators didn't have the same options.

Anyway, the point is that in the original text, Mydei didn't just ask the Chrysos Heirs to use a nickname; he literally gave them an entirely different name--almost an entirely different identity. This distinction is reflected in his very first voice line, where he introduces himself as both "Mydeimos, the crown prince of Castrum Kremnos, and Mydei, the warrior of Okhema," as if these are two different people.

Mydei was essentially inventing a different life for himself, a life where he didn't have to be a prince but instead could be just a regular warrior, where he wasn't "of Castrum Kremnos" but "of Okhema."

At the end of 3.1, Mydei's return to Castrum Kremnos is framed as "returning home." The mission description suggests this, and when Mydei returns to Castrum Kremnos, he's greeted by his mother's voice and answers her turn.

But this is actually bittersweet, because the game tells us repeatedly that Mydei has deeply conflicted feelings over whether to think of Castrum Kremnos as his home. In 3.0, Phainon insists that Mydei must be feeling extreme homesickness while exploring the ruins of Castrum Kremnos, but Mydei's conflicting backstories make it unclear whether he ever truly lived in Castrum Kremnos as a child.

Then, in 3.1, Mydei's scene with the children is obviously meant to be an evocative parallel. The children insist that Kremnos is their home, but Mydei pauses and asks them: "Can a place you've never seen be called your home?" This scene is important, because it is clearly intended to parallel Mydei's own situation. Most characters in the story--including all the Kremnoans--view Castrum Kremnos as Mydei's home, but he was thrown into the sea from the time he was an infant. Even if he returned to Kremnos after that, it could only have been under a false name, hiding his existence from his father the king. Is he himself holding on to the notion of Kremnos less for what it is and more for what he feels it's supposed to mean to him? Merely because of tradition and history? Was Castrum Kremnos ever really his home, or has Mydei's home always been the people he loves?

When Castorice asks him if he's returning home at the end of 3.1, Mydei struggles to answer the question, making it clear that he doesn't truly believe that Castrum Kremnos is his home anymore:

But if Kremnos isn't his home, then where is? (Oh, you wandering lion...)

I'd like to point out that Mydei's "About Self" line isn't "About Self: Castrum Kremnos." It's "About Self: Holy City." In this voice line, he expresses his surprise about the new life he managed to create in Okhema, how he never would have dreamed of ending up there as their ally one day. But in the same breath, he laments that "Okhema cannot be a home for everyone," because, as he discusses later in his "Annoyances" voice line: "Castrum Kremnos and Okhema have long been at odds. A spear can pierce the enemy king, but it cannot resolve the deep grudges of the people." Mydei is vexed by the barrier between the Kremnoans and the Okhemans because he doesn't want his two nations to be at odds. He wants Okhema to be a welcoming place for the Kremnoans--himself included.

The game tells us that Mydei was a person who was looking for a home, and that he wanted Okhema to be that home.

Mydei admits to Phainon that he is (they both are) naive, always wanting the best for everyone:

What Mydei believed was "the best for everyone" was a peaceful place. A place his people could prosper, a place where they could live on without needlessly wasting their lives on the battlefield, where, like the Mountain-Dwellers pushed from their homes in Chartonus's story, there would at least be a future for the Kremnoans that wasn't just "valorous death."

But Mydei wanted all that for himself too.

In "As I've Written," the author writes that Okhema was the final gift Mydei gave to his people--but in doing so, he had to sacrifice the chance to keep Okhema as a home for himself.

Mydeimos was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for his people without hesitating. He was willing to throw himself into danger over and over again, even when it would kill him painfully numerous times. He was willing to face his deepest fear and take on the coreflame of Strife to protect Amphoreus, despite knowing that the cost would be his personal happiness and freedom. He did so almost entirely without regard for his own life, unwavering in his sense of duty to others.

But the existence of "Mydei" meant something: a small, secret wish for a different future, to become someone who could live freely in a world without meaningless, endless violence, unchained from the evernight at last, surrounded by the people he cared for and who cared for him in turn.

Many people are worried for the numerous death flags surrounding our favorite prince... but the truth is that "Mydei" is already dead. That hoped-for life died the moment Mydeimos accepted the coreflame of Strife and surrendered his humanity, the moment he returned to the empty darkness of a fallen kingdom, where only a throne of blood was waiting, bidding farewell to any dream he ever had for a softer future.

9. Deeply Affected by Okhema's Discrimination

All right, that was bad. So you know what I'm going to do now? Make it worse.

I truly believe that part of the reason Mydei did not fight harder against his fate is that, even as he made his decree telling all the other Kremnoans to stay in Okhema and adapt to their ways... He didn't know how to do that himself. Even as he wanted to make Okhema his new home, he didn't know how to make the holy city accept him. (He probably doesn't know how to make himself feel at home anywhere, really.)

"As I've Written" says that cruel rumors followed him everywhere he went in Okhema, even though he never raised a hand against anyone in the city:

His voice line "Annoyances" suggests that Mydei is frustrated that he could kill what was likely one of Okhema's greatest enemies, Eurypon, and yet still the city would not forgive the grudges of the past. In 3.0, one of Mydei's first lines to Phainon is to remind him that Okhemans and Kremnoans still don't get along, even as he also says "I'm not in a place where I'm free to change that."

In 3.1, we see that despite serving the city faithfully as frontline soldiers for years, dying for Okhema's cause, the Kremnoans are still so mistrusted that the Council orders higher ranking members like Krateros to be placed under surveillance. In 3.0, the Kremnoan NPC Aeleus basically ends up running off from Okhema (to his implied death) simply because the Okhemans would not accept his relationship with one of their own. At the very beginning of 3.0, one of Phainon's first lines is chiding Mydei for not protecting "Okhema's citizens," but the way the line is framed accidentally excludes Mydei from being counted among those citizens, something which Mydei calls Phainon out for.

In 3.1, what the Kremnoan children tell Mydei is pretty devastating: they're being ostracized so badly, they can't even think of the place where they were born as their home.

At the end of 3.1, Mydei is even shocked to see that people other than the Kremnoans have come to see him off, seeming genuinely surprised that any of the Okhemans would respect him enough to want to say goodbye.

Even more telling, Mydei's own allies, his fellow Chrysos Heirs, admit that they've completely neglected the situation of the Kremnoans, turning a blind eye to the discrimination and hardships Mydei's people have been facing for years.

But all of this really culminates in the first coreflame trial. Although I've seen lots of people talking about how Mydei's fear was losing his friends, including Phainon, I think a lot of people kind of blanked over the fact that Mydei didn't just fear losing his friends--he specifically feared that his people would become the victims of hate crimes. The entire setting of the first trial for Mydei was watching the Okhemans turn on the Kremnoans, hurling slander and literally beating Kremnoans to death in the streets.

(This last one was particularly harsh, as Mydei clearly holds Chartonus in high regard--seeing someone he cares for act frightened of him and tell him there's no place for him in Okhema clearly shook Mydei even more than seeing the shade of Perdikkas die again.)

Mydei confirms for Tribbie that in Nikador's trial, he saw his "greatest fear," something that "terrified him." But Mydei wasn't just frightened of losing his friends--if it was only losing his friends that he feared, then like Phainon was, he would have been transported to the past and relived their real deaths. Instead, we specifically see a new fear: Mydei is terrified of Okhema's xenophobia, terrified that his people (and himself) will eventually be entirely rejected, losing their last refuge in a dying world.

Part of Mydei's greatest fear is the belief that no one wants him, that there is no place in Amphoreus for the "beast spurned by all."

This, of course, makes Tribbie's comment about how she and Aglaea have sidelined the Kremnoans' concerns all the worse--while treating him as a friend and ally, the Chrysos Heirs seem to have largely failed to do anything to address the prejudice Mydei was facing. In fact, we even see this mirrored in the bath scene later; yes, it's light-hearted but also, in the broader context, it isn't the greatest of looks: Even though Phainon is obviously being dumb, everyone automatically believes Phainon when he pins the blame on Mydei, and they confront Mydei as if the whole thing were his fault.

Mydei is an incredibly resilient and enduring person. He has faced the entire world as his enemy and still come out on the side of good. He certainly would not allow the opinions of plebeians to sway him. Nothing others could say or do would force him to bow his head.

But... I don't think Mydei was as immune to Okhema's discrimination as he liked to seem. The fact that he created an entire new name for himself, that he swore his loyalty to Aglaea and kept every promise he made to Okhema and the Chrysos Heirs, and yet still couldn't find a way to make Okhema his home... The fact that dream he had for his people's future was essentially for them to be able to live the exact same lives the Okhemans already do, in peace and prosperity, and yet even while living among them for years, the Kremnoans hadn't been able to reach that level of comfort... The fact that his last wish to Phainon was for him to be the bridge to finally help the Kremnoans adapt to life in their new nation...

Phainon's comments about what happened to the Mountain-Dwellers after they left their homes almost seemed to suggest that he fully understood the dangers of the action Mydei had just taken--like the Mountain-Dwellers, committing the Kremnoans to a future in Okhema does mean exposing them to further prejudice and mistreatment. Mydei accepts this as fact, suggesting that he knows just how much his people might suffer from the choice forcing them adapt to a foreign culture's expectations. And yet Mydei excluded himself from that need, and now will likely never--in this life at least--have the opportunity to grow to fit the place he expects his people to one day call home.

The fact that so much of Mydei's story revolves around this conflict between the two halves of his life, his two nations, suggests that this issue did affect him significantly, likely for years. I think it is actually one of the key reasons Mydei struggled so severely with his decision over the Kremnoans' future--and over his own future. If Okhema had accepted Mydei with open arms, treated him with respect and affection, if the holy city had given him a real home for possibly the first time... I don't think the story would be where it is now. Mydei was so willing to give up his own life and freedom at least in part because he felt like he had no other options, and some of that feeling certainly comes from believing he had no place in Okhema. Mydei was convinced that the other Kremnoans would eventually adapt and be accepted by the Okhemans, but I don't believe he ever thought that acceptance would apply to him.

It wasn't just the prophecy that drove Mydei away to Castrum Kremnos.

I think Mydei's character should be best understood as someone who, even while refusing to ever give in to the hurtful comments and behavior of others, was at least very much aware of, and shaped by, years of discrimination for beliefs he didn't even hold.

10. Stranger Danger/"I Won't Say I'm in Love~"

All right, with those wonderfully depressing points out of the way, why don't I end with some comedic relief? There's one last thing I want to say about Mydei's characterization:

He's kind of shy.

😂😂😂Okay, okay, I'm kidding. Mydei isn't actually shy by the average definition of shy folks (nervous, struggling to assert themselves, cracking under the slightest scrutiny). Mydei isn't going to ever make himself smaller or run away when someone tries to approach him, of course not.

But Mydei is reserved. It seems that he does not usually befriend people easily, is slow to trust, and keeps himself aloof, particularly among those he doesn't know well. It's easy to see this in the flashback from early on in Phainon and Mydei's acquaintance, where his responses to the conversation are exceptionally stand-offish, devolving into just one-word answers to try to free himself from the awkward small talk with a stranger.

One of the places people are most likely to find Mydei in Okhema is withdrawn, keeping to himself all the way up on the farthest corner of the roof. He even flat out asks why the Trailblazer would ignore his obvious wish for alone time. Even in 3.1, when taking a photo with the Trailblazer, Mydei is pretty awkward about it, saying that he doesn't take photos often, which suggests that he doesn't put himself out there much, even on Okhema's World Wound Web. (Maybe he's just hiding behind his cute chimera tiktoks instead; I am a Fig Stew truther lol.)

But I think perhaps the funniest indicator of Mydei's reserved nature are the scenes in Castrum Kremnos in 3.0. Although the Trailblazer is obviously not the most talkative character in Star Rail, Mydei goes almost that entire sequence without speaking more than a single sentence directly to the Trailblazer. Literally, the only line of cutscene dialogue he says to the Trailblazer for an entire two hour sequence of the patch is "Think what you want." Every other line in the entire Castrum Kremnos sequence is instead spoken to Phainon; sometimes he even speaks about the Trailblazer but goes right over Trailblazer's head to talk to them through the medium of Phainon.

Even Mydei's voice lines start with bare bones, one-word answers; his greeting to the Trailblazer is just "Mhm," despite clearly having no issues speaking full sentences to people he knows better.

Mydei really said "I don't talk to strangers."

Which, honestly? Totally fair of him. When you're an exile from your homeland which is ruled by a king who tried to kill you and every single other surviving nation on the planet hates your guts, it's not like a lot of the strangers you meet are going to end up being friendly. Mydei has obvious reasons to be aloof and to withhold his thoughts from people until he's certain he can trust them. He even has reasons to not be that well adjusted; the first nine years of his life were spent with virtually no human contact, and then even after that, he was taken in by the Kremnoan exiles who were already predisposed to support him no matter what his ability to connect with others was like. It's perfectly understandable for Mydei to not be the most talented social speaker and to tend to keep to himself.

But it's also just so humorous in practice--an undying prince of a conquering nation, one of the lead warriors of Okhema, rife with the pride of Castrum Kremnos, refined in both body and manner... And he's just awkward with people he doesn't know well. As much as it might be influenced by a tragic past, it's also a charm point.

Hell, Mydei's a little bit awkward even with people he does know well, at least when it comes to trying to express himself. Of course, the bath scene is the best example of this. Mydei comes up with literally five different options for things to say to Phainon and then ultimately scraps them all because "None of those sound right." (What he goes with in the end honestly isn't any better lol.)

Mydei was clearly trying his best to find the correct words, and the fact that he hesitated over picking the "right" answer tells us that he's not always as confident in communicating with others as he might initially come across. He's not just trying to come up with the first thing possible--he's trying to find the right thing to say because he is considerate and invested in in being understood by those he actually cares about. Krateros accuses Mydei of using words alone to try to end the Kremnoan dynasty, but the truth is that if Mydei were better at expressing himself--more eloquent and more persuasive--he likely would have faced less opposition for his beliefs.

When characterizing Mydei, I think he reads very much as the kind of person who can say the exact right thing in the exact right moment when it comes to, say, earth-shattering duels with the gods--the kind of person who can speak with poise if there's a challenging political or martial situation afoot. But in closer settings? In those personal conversations where he can't assume a distant, military commander stance and fall back on the expected answers of a warrior prince? The places where what he says really matters, emotionally, to the person on the other side? A lot tougher battlefield.

I think Mydei really is someone who comes across as distinctly reserved--not always because he's aloof or untrusting, but because sometimes he just doesn't know what to say or how to say the things he's feeling and thinking. It's cute, okay?

And you know what else is cute?

It's true that Mydei isn't classically shy, but his marketing has shown us that there is one scenario that he absolutely can't handle: Mydei can't even hear the word "romance" without getting flustered. (The gap moe is so, so real; I am not immune to your propaganda, Hoyo...)

In the 3.1 special program, just the rumor that Nikador once had amorous feelings is enough to leave Mydei stuttering, and in his weibo animation, when the "princess" demands that Mydei act charming, he completely falls apart, so much that he can't even get the sentences out straight and blurs them into a nonsensical mess.

Mydei, fistfighting a god: For me, it was Tuesday.

Mydei, being asked on a date: This is how it ends.

I know it's popular to make jokes about Mydei having his harem, but honestly, if just hearing the word "pretty" makes him panic, I'm not sure how he would ever have managed it. 🤣

Of course, this gets even funnier when we remember that Mydei is also the male character who most consistently brings up talks about emotions and the importance of recognizing and embracing them, who chides Phainon for trying to hide his sadness during their goodbye, and who casually drops half of Amphoreus's most romantic lines. Mr. "If there's chance in the next life, you should come visit my library" can't handle "Do you wanna dance together?"

Make of all this what you will; I don't have a deeper meta analysis of this that wouldn't be better put in a ship post, but in terms of characterization, I think the way Mydei communicates, struggles to communicate, and the places where his communication completely breaks down are all great indicators of the overall person the dev team was trying to convey:

Someone who cares for other people, even more than he cares for himself, but who still, and perhaps always, longed to find a place to belong, loved ones to come home to, and those who will listen to both the words he says and the ones he can't quite get out.

Mydei isn't a brawn over brains brute whose temper pops off every single time he gets mildly annoyed, or someone who lives his whole life in the training arena and takes every chance he can to start petty arguments. He isn't especially grumpy, machismo, or repressing his feelings, even when he's not always capable of realizing just how justified those feelings are. He's not unnecessarily aggressive or particularly rash, and he's definitely not dumb muscle. He is self-sacrificial to a fault...

But he is also a character of true extremes, combining an incredible capacity for violence with a longing for peace, a desire to do his duty to others while still wanting to keep something for himself, a pragmatist who understood the futility of fighting fate while still, deep down, harboring the idealized dream of a kinder future. He is the one who always asks to talk, but also struggles to find the right words; the one who embodies every tenet of his people's faith, only to reject everything that faith stood for.

Mydeimos, the crown prince of Castrum Kremnos, and Mydei, just the warrior of Okhema.

The man that you are. ❤️

One of my favorite Star Rail characters, beyond a doubt.

[tiza0925]

A New Skirt | 18+

Warnings/Tags: NSFW, explicit sexual content, alternate universe, female/AFAB reader, teasing, multiple orgasms, lap sex, hints of a breeding kink, unprotected sex, creampie, SET IN THE FUTURE WHERE ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED-UP AND OVER 18

Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Female Reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

You turn to the side, bending one knee, to take one last look at yourself through the tall mirror that sits in your bedroom. 

And your chest falls with a small exhale of satisfaction as you focus on the way your skirt is just long enough to tease your ass, how your shirt hugs your waist oh so perfectly and makes it so damn obvious you’re not wearing a bra—

And a small smile forms at the thought of showing Bokuto your new outfit. 

The door creaks as you open it, and when you walk down the hall and into the living room—you see Bokuto getting settled into the couch, turning on the TV to find a movie for you two to watch. 

“You ready?” You hear Bokuto call for you, his attention on the screen as he sorts through the different movie titles to play, and you hum as you walk to where he’s sitting—your lower lip gets pinched under your top teeth as you walk around the couch to stand in front of him. 

And the moment Bokuto’s head lifts to look at you—

Your heart thunders in your ears, and you feel flushed all over your body as his eyes gradually widen—scanning every inch of your body like he’s trying to commit the image to memory. 

You swallow hard, feeling exposed, as Bokuto wets his lips, and his eyes remain focused on your skirt where your thighs are rubbing together. “You got a new skirt?” 

His voice sounds so rough like he’s already affected by this, that it causes a small shiver runs up your chest as you inhale a small breath, nodding with your hands behind your back. “Went shopping while you were at work.” 

“Yeah?” Bokuto seems amused by that as the side of his face lifts with a tiny smirk, and his lids lower as he leans back onto the couch—lifting his hips as he spreads his legs apart. 

Then he tilts his head. “It’s a pretty skirt.” 

You barely manage to suppress a grin as you purse your lips. “So you like it?” 

Bokuto hums, the TV forgotten as he sets the remote aside, and he motions with his fingers to ‘come here’. “I want to see it up close.” 

It’s the way he says it—with his voice low and eyes so murky with sudden desire—

It’s why you feel a jolt of heat sprout inside you as you close the distance between you, and Bokuto eagerly guides you to sit on his lap once he has his hands on you. 

“What made you want to buy this?” He asks as he makes you sit, legs spread by his thighs, and he runs his hands down the side of your thighs, spreading goosebumps with the heat of his hands. 

His hands that are so big that it can wrap around your thighs entirely. 

You shrug. “It looked nice.” 

A small lie. 

The real reason was solely for Boktuo—to get the reaction that you’re seeing right now from him. 

But he doesn’t need to know that. 

Bokuto hums and his hands wrap around your thighs as he slides them up and under your skirt, his thumbs teasing your covered cunt by a mere few inches. “Well, It looks really nice on you, sweetheart.” 

Your breath hitches at not only his words—but from the slight tease of one of his thumbs running over your covered slit—sliding it down from your clit to where your hole is. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Your voice is breathy, a little too preoccupied with the feeling of Bokuto’s thumb rubbing slow, small circles over your clothed clit, and your hands fly up to hold him by the neck. 

And Bokuto just smiles, all slow and syrupy, as he leans in closer to mouth at your chest covered by the thin fabric of your shirt. 

You can feel the heat and wetness of his mouth as he sucks on one of your tits—even if you’re wearing a shirt—and your core clenches when you feel him give your nipple an impolite bite to make it pebble up. 

He always knows how to make you melt almost instantly with just his fingers and mouth alone. 

His fingers aren’t even inside you and yet he’s already managed to get you soaking your panties as you moan, rolling your hips on his lap as he continues his torturous movement of his finger over your panties. 

“You can cum like this, can’t you?” He murmurs as he moves his head up to kiss the bend of your neck, and his finger teases your entrance by pushing your panties inside you for a moment, before sliding back up to rub your clit. “You’re so soaked, baby.” 

He continues to rub and tease your pussy over your panties until you’re moaning, feeling mindless, and your legs shake with a soft orgasm hitting almost instantly.

“Fuck—Ko—Oh, god—” 

“Let’s keep this skirt on, okay?” You hear him mutter as he slides down his sweatpants to let his cock bounce free. 

It slaps against your exposed thigh, causing your muscles to tense, and you whimper as he fists himself with a few strokes to get himself to fully erect. “Lift your hips for me, love.” 

And you immediately do as you’re told as you hold onto his shoulders for support, lifting each leg as Bokuto slides the rest of your panties off, and you gasp with a moan when you feel his thick cock slide between your pussy folds. 

His hands move to grip your hips, and he doesn’t fuck into you yet like you’re hoping he would. 

Instead, he guides you to rock on his lap, your pussy drooling all over the length of his dick as he slides them between your puffy slit, using your fluids as lube before he finally pushes the fat head inside you—

“Ko—!” You moan, low and sweet, and your fingers dig into his shoulders as he slowly pushes his hips up, making you take every inch of him, while his hands keep you in place. 

“Look at you,” He moves his head forward to capture your lips with his in one of the most gentle kisses he’s given you, all while holding you firmly to make you take his thick cock. “You’re so pretty like this, baby.” 

You whine from slight overstimulation—being torn between recovering from your first orgasm and feeling that liquid heat slowly beginning to grow in your belly again. 

But you let him fuck into you—feeling his dick all the way in your throat in the position you’re in—trying to kiss him back all while your senses explode and your pussy throbs because of him. 

“You think you can cum again for me?” 

You nod dazedly, not sure if you can, but—

But then you feel his thumb return to your clit—and god it’s so fucking sensitive and puffy—and he slowly rubs it while fucking into your tight pussy, making your eyes roll back and you gasp into his mouth.

“You’re so tight—shit—” Bokuto groans, moving to bury his head into the crook of your neck, and you feel hot air fan against your skin as he breathes heavily while he continues to rock into you languidly. “I just need one more from you, love.” 

You shudder, feeling that buzzing ache between your legs ready to combust any minute. 

“Then I can fill you up, okay?” He lifts his head, and your heart flips at the way he’s looking at you, and he kisses the side of your jaw, murmuring, “You just look so pretty in your skirt, baby, I can’t help it.” 

And hearing that pulls a small grin from you—

Because that’s the point. 

You wanted this reaction from him. 

And now you’re feeling just a bit more pleased that it worked out. 

“Please,” You moan, your fingers moving up to card through his hair, and Bokuto moans so deeply that you feel it against you. 

He uses whatever juices that gush out of your from his fucking as lube to rub your clit, and he picks up the pace—angling his hips in a way that he knows will have you seeing white shocks as he hits the right spot inside your walls. 

He fucks you while tonguing at the sensitive spot on the side of your neck, making you gasp out a sob as you hold onto him, and he sucks on your skin while groaning near your ear. 

It’s when he pushes his hips up and keeps it there, grinding his cock as deep as it can go inside you—making you feel every thick inch of him pulsing in your pussy—while he continues to thumb at your clit with practiced ease and skill—

That’s when your orgasm hits you, making you throb and cry out a moan as you hold onto Bokuto with all you’ve got—cumming over his cock as heat fills your cheeks and clit, spreading like wildfire and making everything so fucking hot around you. 

“Fuck—baby, just like that, I’m gonna cum inside you.” Bokuto’s moan is guttural, and his thrusts turn more demanding and selfish as he holds your waist with an iron grip, fucking your abused pussy and bouncing you on his cock like a limp rag doll. 

You feel electrified and boneless, all overstimulated and a puddle of honey—you don’t realize that Bokuto is filling you with his cum as he shakes and groans, your cunt taking it all in. 

And it’s within this moment—as Bokuto’s orgasm begins to cool down and you feel his dick twitching inside you as both of your fluids leak out between your thighs and onto him—

That you make a note to buy more skirts in the future. 

Perhaps to wear in public too to see what Bokuto will do. 

End.

Masterpost

[boofeine]

kinky things that make seventeen members more aroused during sex

WARNINGS: mdni, smut headcanons, afab reader, cum play, breeding kink, bondage, restraining, overstimulation, role play, edging, pain kink, orgasm dinal, spanking, choking

tags: @huen1ngk4i @aaniag @svteensworld @kooqitas @unlikelysublimekryptonite

seungcheol – cum play and breeding; it has to be raw sex... there's nothing seungcheol loves more than feel your walls pulsating around his cock. the way he can see his hot cum spurr on your ass cheek or on your breast, belly, neck, anywhere really. sometimes, when he feels a little risky, he can't help but ask to cum inside you, the way your cums mixed comes out of your clenching hole when he finally pulls out, he's done but he's ready to get hard again.

jeonghan – having to keep quiet; it's all about the teasing, he loves seeing you suffer to keep it down when it feels so good. your lips caged in your teeth as small whines treats to come out, "is it too much, babe?", he would tease with a devilish smirk, testing all your limits by restraining your high until you can't take it anymore. when you're finally coming undone, he loves to press his palm over your mouth or demand you to bite him to not moan too loud.

joshua – multiple orgasm; like... HEAR ME OUT!! he likes to take his time with you, he's so gentle, with no rush at all. sometimes, it's not even on purpose, but he's edging you so much, that when it finally comes, you cum and cum and cum again. his stamina is crazy and he won't stop until he's satisfied. you squirm and sweat under his workship, "are you tired? i haven't even started with you yet, lay down again for me".

junhui – role play; see, he just gives me those vibes. he'd feel embarrassed at first, but once you fully clock him in, he'd be obsessed. specially, scenarios where you're doming him, he fucking lose his mind... use him, step on him, anything, he's rock hard under your actions. as he grows used to it, he even asks you to get costumized for it, getting really in character, he loves sexy costumes and lacy fantasies.

soonyoung – pain kink; is it new for anyone? hoshi, himself, said he works better under pressure. he loves the spanking and the degradation, he squirms and growls because of you, but it also makes him want to do a better job... if not to make you fully satisfied, he's not doing anything. i see hoshi enjoying face slapping, rough gripping like grabbing his cheeks and jaw while he's on his knees for you, thumb slowly making its way inside his mouth as you laugh at how pathetic he looks for you.

wonwoo – edging; sometimes he's in his mean mode, he normally is sweet and passionate during sex but breaking a sweat to make you beg him to let you cum is one of his favorites. the way you wrap your legs around his hips, rolling yours as you bumble breathy words in between "please", he never cums harder, pinning you down on the mattress to stop you from running, his core pressing over your clit as wonwoo alternates in rough thrusts and slow ones. it makes you almost cry for his mercy.

jihoon – being loud; different from jeonghan, he loves to hear you loud and clear, it bust his ego that he's doing such a good job at delivering pleasure. it could get him off guard at first, too afraid someone would hear, his cheeks flushing, as you scream your moans. but he grows attached to it, it turned into his breaking point every sex, he always pounds harder just to hear you. "is it that good, huh? fuck! let me hear you"

seokmin – overstimulation; especially during oral, he loves the way your legs close on his head when it's too much, how you whine, whimper, and cry out his name. how the grip you have on him always tighten when you say it's too much and that you can't cum anymore. he snugs to your arms, sweetly saying you're a good girl and that he knows you can take it. your pussy swollen and hurt as he whispers "just one more, give it to me" but it's never the last. he loves to treat you well before he gets anything, he gets hard just by pleasing and hearing you.

mingyu – getting tied up; just give this man some handcuffs, put him tied on the bed headboard, i swear he'd cum by just you using him while he's not able to do anything. he likes the frustration, the way he always tries to break free just to touch you as you look at him, tutting and disapproving his not so well behavior. he always cum faster than anything when you use his cock as your fuck toy on your cunt.

minghao – blindfold; he enjoys doing it on you, you always get more out of breath and sensitive when he gets you blindfold. the thrill of it making goosebumps form easily, anticipating every move he might do next. he's obsessed at seeing you so vulnerable, you look nothing but innocent those times. your low moans and whines, he swears you're heaven sent, bumping his length as he touches your body, watching you react shakily, watching you gets him wetter.

seungkwan – rage sex and spanking; not a surprise either... he almost never fights with you, but if there's a good outcome to those fights, it is how frustrated you both get and pull out during the makeup deed. it goes both ways, he likes both, you doming him or him doming you, either way is intense. the choking, the slapping, the way the words turn just a bit bratty and aggressive. he manhandles you like you're born to be his little light doll, changing positions and throwing you around on the bed sheets.

vernon – bringing more people to the game; yes, he's into it. he's up for the threesome always, more than three people, he'd ponder, though. he likes every different aspect of it, just sitting back and watching, or being watched, or mixing positions. it adds to the sex and he's up to it. he's not a jealous guy but normally sets to making the things to you and just receiving for the third person, maybe that's what also arouses him so much, he doesn't gotta do much to cum.

chan – orgasm denial; more precise, being the one receiving it. he enjoys the feeling of his red sensative cockhead burning and dripping pre cum every time you stop him from cumming. the way it hurts just a bit and enough to make him roll his eyes when he finally cums. he won't cum until you say he can and that alone, that hold of power you have on him, makes him tight on his ball. but he's good, he's so well-behaved, you must treat him well.

[sapphicdalliances]

between this post and that post i am starting to reach levels of Sad About Jiang Cheng i had previously thought impossible. both metas are basically about the reality that wei wuxian was visibly and practically favoured over jiang cheng by his family members. and as the former points out it's sorta like… well, 1) he "needed" to be, because he was in a more vulnerable position socially and had been through more hardship, because his relationship with his family was not considered inalienable and therefore needed more reinforcement. and 2) because it's just… easier to favour him? he's magnetic and charming and fun to hang out with and always has a conversation ready to go. jiang cheng is not any of that.

i was chirping about this earlier – a thing about jiang cheng is that from a young age he is put into a lot of situations where everything sucks and he feels hurt and victimised but there is NO way for him to express that without coming off as completely unreasonable and unsympathetic, and even as a child he knows this. it cumulates in a big huge way with the core transfer. like he is upset when wei wuxian is praised over him, but he can't complain because it's simply true that wei wuxian did a better job. he's upset when wei wuxian receives comfort over him, but he can't complain because wei wuxian needs it or deserves it more in that moment. this continues for most of his life and i'm sure everyone who's ever had one of these moments knows there's no good coping method, you either complain anyway (and come off as entitled and jealous) or you try to get over it (which hurts to do and doesn't even garner any praise because it's kind of the bare minimum) or you internalise it as a You Problem (which breeds resentment and insecurity).

like afaict jiang cheng spends a formative portion of his childhood really aware that he's the unfavourite for a good reason and the main thing he can do to be shown the favour he craves is to be a different person with a different personality. really sucky situation for a kid to be in –

(especially because in his youth, a lot of these situations were literally no-win scenarios. because if he's worse than wwx at something then his mother yells at him and hits his brother and his dad doesn't do anything, but if he's ever better than wwx at something then he won't get praised for that either! because it would be something that's to expected from him anyway.)

and this is the background noise against which jc begged crying on his knees for wwx to be spared punishment, then attacked and strangled wwx, then tried his best to die to protect wwx. this is a relationship where… of course there's resentment. it would be crazy if there was no resentment. but there is still love. that's even crazier!

currently i think jiang cheng as a character is basically a depiction of a guy who fundamentally kind of sucks, but is actively trying his best and is frankly doing a pretty great job at not sucking. like he just doesn't have a good or fun personality and he's not likeable and he's not talented or sweet or charming or anyone's favourite person (EXCEPT – WAIT – EXCEPT FOR WWX'S!!! PRE-LAN ZHAN! and now – jin ling's!!!!) and he knows all of this, but he still spends a lot of the story trying his fucking best to be good to all of his people anyway.

he spent his childhood getting outshone by his brother and pissing off both his parents by just being himself, then his entire family died, then as an adult he was left out of the post-sunshot War Hero Boy's Club and had to jockey for political favour as the youngest and least experienced sect leader while the beacons of righteousness and confidence that were nmj and lxc were to his either side, his sister dies in his arms while looking at his brother, and even as an uncle he's competing with the always-gentle, always-sweet jgy who has the stronger social claim to his nephew due to being on the paternal side of his family. and all he's got to work with is himself, and that hasn't been good enough even once in the last 30 years.

a lot of jc haters have been @-ing me lately to expound on how jc is annoying and insecure and selfish and a prick and it's like ok yeah to all of that but frankly considering the circumstances he was operating under i think it is a fucking miracle that he didn't turn out worse.

[auroralwriting]

your beauty never scared me

spencer reid x fem!bau!reader

you’re scared no one will ever love and understand you, but spencer always has.

word count: 2.2k

warnings: a bit of unrequited love, comfort/angst/fluff, negative self thought, spencer is always a sweetheart, reader has a darker aesthetic

Maybe it was the fact that you came from a broken family from a young age. No, you didn't have a bad childhood, but it wasn't ideal for a young girl growing up.

It could have been the bad high school relationships, full of boys who didn't understand how to treat a young woman. Stuck at their stupid baseball games or waiting for them to finish their video game, sitting alone on their bed waiting for them to finish.

The most likely cause for your fear of love was simply the fear that no one would ever truly understand you, and therefore, never be able to love you right.

If you looked deeper, though, much further past the surface level, deep into the core, you would've realized that Spencer Reid had been there all along.

When you first joined the BAU, Spencer Reid was a typical little nerd, the glasses he wore even fulfilling the stereotype. His rambles about anything and everything were endearing, and lead you to begin your friendship with the man after he told you the history of your favorite movies.

"...its distinctive style with his signature blend of dark humor and whimsy. His imaginative vision, influenced by German Expressionism, is evident in the film’s surreal sets and exaggerated character designs. Burton’s decision to cast Michael Keaton as the chaotic title character and his encouragement of Keaton’s improvisation contributed to the film’s memorable, unpredictable energy. The innovative special effects and makeup, along with the creative set design by Bo Welch, further showcased Burton's unique approach."

By the end of his rant, Spencer had expected you to have been completely focused on anything else, but your eyes were trained on him, a small sparkle flickering in them.

"Spence, how do you know do much about Beetlejuice? You haven't even seen it before." you'd chuckled.

"I think Tim Burton is an interesting director. Maybe we could, uh, see it together sometime? If you want, of course." Spencer awkwardly fiddled with his fingers, the suggestion of the two of you hanging out outside of the work settle rattling his nerves.

You had given him a big smile, beneath your dark clothes and makeup was a heart of white and gold, a truly captivating soul. "I'd love to, Spencer! I own it, so you can come over whenever."

"Whenever sounds good," Spencer paused, thinking about what he had just said. "I mean, Thursday?"

"Thursday it is, boy genius." That name was usually reserved for making fun of Spencer, but the way you said it actually made his heart flutter.

Spencer would've never guessed that the girl, clad in dark clothing, the complete opposite of his own aesthetic, would be interested in hanging out with him. Then, it happened. And it happened again, and again, until you became friends.

Your friendship with the doctor grew. As you got closer, Spencer began to identify your fears and your tells. You played with your hair when you were nervous, bit the skin of your fingernails when you were anxious, tapped your foot or bounced your leg when you were impatient. He began to understand you on a deeper level.

It began to be the same for you. You knew his likes, dislikes, fears and worries. You understood his struggles with his mother and father, how sometimes this job didn't feel like enough until he made a true difference in someone's life.

Spencer Reid and you had connected in nearly a cosmic level, and that began to scare you.

It was two and a half years after Spencer had met you when he realized he had been falling in love with you for nearly a year. His small crush had grown exponentially. After Haley Hotchner's death, you'd taken in Jack for several days while Hotch planned the funeral and began to clean the house from the murders. Jack had taken to you quickly; he'd gone as far as to call you his favorite aunt.

Seeing the level of compassion and helpfulness you had displayed for Hotch made Spencer begin to realize that your friendship was beginning to move to the next level for him.

He began to think of you night and day, wondering what you were doing, how you were doing, what your plans were. He wanted to be with you, to feel your skin, linger in your existence. It wasn't until JJ had explained to him that that feeling he felt was love that he began to understand that you were in no place for him to admit his feelings.

Spencer never meant to profile anyone unless he was working, but he found it hard to not with you. He noticed your lack of dating, how even when you had the chance, you evaded it. He noticed your disdain to the notion of true love, or love at first sight, or even soulmates. It didn't take him long to piece together that it wasn't a hatred of love, no, it was a fear of it. However, he could never understand the why of the fear.

Now, you and Spencer had met five years ago. You'd both physically changed in looks over the time, but your friendship only remained and grew passionately stronger.

After the death of Emily, and finding out she didn't really die, Spencer had you as his rock. You grieved together, to the point that for three weeks, you lived with Spencer in his apartment. After you'd left, Spencer realized that he couldn't live without you anymore.

Spencer and you sat on his couch, the cold September month made you crave an early Halloween movie. So, Spencer put on his own copy of Beetlejuice he bought a few years back. The soft glow of the lamp cast warm shadows across the room, and the faint scent of popcorn lingered in the air. You could hear the distant hum of the city outside, blending with the soft rustling of the movie’s soundtrack.

"I like Adam and Barbara," Spencer hummed as he watched the screen. "They make a really good couple."

You nodded, "I guess they do,"

Spencer's brows furrowed at your words. "You don't sound convinced."

"I don't know," You shrugged, sitting up and crossing your legs. "He's sort of controlling over her. It's just too much, she's a strong woman."

"You mean he's protective over her in the afterlife filled with dead people they didn't even knew existed?" Spencer raised a brow, turning to you. "I'm pretty sure that's relatively normal."

Turning your attention back to the screen, you replied, "I guess so,"

Spencer sighed, finally deciding to ask you the question he'd been avoiding for too many years now. "Why are you so scared of love?"

His question made you turn back to him, a confused look on your face. "What?"

"You're so pessimistic about it. You always avoid dating, talking about it, anything to even do with love." Spencer explained. "I'm just curious, why?"

"Because, there is no way love that strong exists." You concluded, folding your arms over your chest. "That's why it's all in the movies. It's fake for a reason."

Spencer nearly chuckled at your words, finding himself in disbelief. Sure, he didn't really believe in soulmates, but he definitely believed in love. "Sure love exists," Spencer said. "True love has to come from somewhere to be spoken about. It's why its so deeply rooted into art and literature. Plus, with the psychological evidence of--"

"Okay, okay," You put your hands up in mock surrender. "I believe you, Spence." You'd never cut off one of his rants before.

"This bothers you," Spencer noted, his arms mocking your previous stance as they folded over his chest. "Why does this bother you so much, what aren't you telling me?"

You let out a huff of air in reply, your defences kicking into full gear. "Why do you care so much?"

Spencer stuttered over his words, “Uh- because it clearly affects you! It’s not hard to notice your dislike of it, and I want to know.” Spencer defended. He could see it in your eyes, though. You were too good of a profiler to not know he was lying through his teeth.

“The real reason?” You sharply replied, hating that Spencer was lying.

“Because I’m in love with you,” Spencer’s voice was filled with desperation. “Here you are, constantly belittling the idea of love when that’s all I want to give to you, and I don’t understand why.”

His words cut you like a knife. You hadn’t expected him to say that, let alone feel it. It almost made you feel guilty. “No one has ever understood me, Spencer. I don’t want to settle for just anyone who will pretend for their whole life that they know me when deep down they will never be able to understand who I am, what I need.”

“You think I don’t?” Spencer challenged. He tried not to feel offended at your words, truly. Yet they hit him like a slap to the face. He felt like he understood you.

“Okay, prove it then.”

Spencer was ready for this, “Your least favorite cases involve those with divorced parents. Not because of the affect on their children, but the affect it takes on them. You hate to see when it hurts one of them, or both.” Spencer’s first claim was true, and it caught you off guard. “You hate anything with a pumpkin scent, however, you enjoy real pumpkins because of their look rather than their scent. You bite your lip, tap your foot, shake your leg, all when you feel negatively.”

“Anyone could profile that,” You weakly replied, feeling thrown off at Spencer’s careful acknowledgment of your little tells.

“Are you afraid of love because no one will ever understand you, or because you’re scared you’ll never find someone who will.” Spencer finished. He watched as your mouth opened and closed, the words not quite making it out. “I see you, I hear you. My favorite thing is when you tell me things about yourself, your day, your feelings. Any day without you is a bad day and any day with you is a good one.”

Spencer’s words left your heart beating faster in your chest as you began to realize this is what you were looking for all along, but your own fear that you would never find it blind sighted you to the truth. The truth that Spencer Walter Reid was in love with you.

Spencer often recalled his own struggles with relationships, remembering the long hours he spent studying while his peers socialized. With him being so much younger, he had no way to truly connect with them. The sense of isolation he felt growing up made him cherish the connections he built later in life, driving him to seek genuine understanding and affection. On the other hand, your own problems with family and bad relationships drove you to hold a near-resentful feeling to love. It made you feel like it was something you could never have. That was something Spencer was beginning to see from your perspective.

"Please," Spencer's voice was softer, more vulnerable as his eyes pleaded with you. "say something."

"I'm sorry," you breathed. For a moment, Spencer thought you were about to reject him, until he saw the glistening tears form in your eyes. "I-I should've known sooner."

Spencer nearly chuckled, "I didn't want to make it too obvious."

"Spencer?" you asked.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Why do you love me?"

Your question made his heart nearly crack at the raw fragility your tone held. All he wanted to do was to take you into his arms and sing you sweet nothings until you believed him, but right now that wasn't an option. "I love you because you're unapologetically you," Spencer's reply made you finally lock eyes with him. "You're so sweet and kind, you never try to hide the things you like and dislike. You're so bold and brave. You make me feel so alive, so wanted. Every moment with you is a reminder of how extraordinary it is to be around someone who radiates such genuine warmth and enthusiasm."

"You really love me?" Your voice felt meek in comparison to how your normal assertiveness and bravato sounded. Your heart felt three times bigger in your chest as a tear dared to slip down your cheek.

Before it could even leave your eye, Spencer brought his sleeve over his hand and soaked it up gently with the cuff. "I love you with every part of me."

"I think I want to love you, too." you admitted. It felt hard to say those words, to finally give into your darkest, most vulnerable desire of unwavering love.

"Even with your fears, you're beautiful." Spencer softly reached to graze your cheek. "This, your fears, nothing could ever scare me. I'll teach you to let me love you if I need to."

"That better be a promise," you slightly chuckled, holding your pinky out to the man.

Spencer smiled, locking his pinky with your own, "It's a promise."

As you held Spencer’s pinky in your own, a sense of peace settled over you. The weight of your fears began to lift, replaced by a tentative hope. "Maybe love isn’t as impossible for me as I thought," You whispered, reaching out to hold his hand. Spencer’s smile was both a promise and a comfort, signaling the beginning of a new chapter in your lives.

[2productive]

hot take but like, if you have to read guides and buy books and take a course on the type of personality you want to embody, I think it’s safe to say that it just isn’t you. you shouldn’t have to study for your personality or vibe or whatever. you shouldn’t have to listen to 10 hour manifestation audios while you sleep. if you’re not that person then you’re not that person.

a lot of you treat these things as if you’re an actor studying a role to perform and that can come in handy in certain cases, for example wanting to appear more relaxed or confident when you have a presentation coming up and you’re naturally meek. that’s different. or maybe there’s a part of you that already is there but you just want to allow yourself to pull it out more because you were taught to suppress it and you’re no longer in an environment that forces you to hide it and maybe you need help getting comfortable being free finally. that’s different. I’m talking about trying to stuff yourself into being a femme fetale sex bomb when you simply aren’t that kind of girl at your core. all the black dresses and heels in the world won’t make you as sexy as someone who naturally has that. doesn’t mean you can’t get closer, but you know.

I understand being drawn to certain types of women and wanting to emulate those traits and wishing that you could embody their energy, but studying these long guides and videos as if you’re taking a college class won’t do much more than make you feel like you’re putting on a performance and when you’re alone, you’ll be ready to metaphorically take off your wig, kick off your heels, and get into your pajamas bc it will be exhausting pretending to be someone you’re not for so long. even celebs you look up to who have molded themselves into a new woman we admire weren’t like that all the time because it was a performance. Marilyn had to turn that on like a switch. Beyonce has to get into Sasha Fierce mode and it takes a lot of effort.

if you are interested in adopting new personalities for whatever reason, I think maybe just keep in mind that the real you will always be there underneath and you will always be putting on airs. Marilyn was still Norma Jean under it all. Anna Nicole may have looked glamorous in her Guess ads but she was still Vickie Lynn under it all. I suppose there can be perks to playing a character, just maybe don’t get too wrapped up in it, remember that there are limitations to how much you can really change on a deep level, and maybe just learn to be okay with who you really are and make the most of that instead as it will ultimately be what you are most comfortable and natural at.

there’s a reason that after all the studying, you still aren’t her. it’s because you’re not like her and that’s okay