#i know theres a lot more to be said but i am just a dumb bitch

[technicolorxsn]

love how there are pretentious video essays that just repeat the book and meander and ramble about house of leaves. it's what zampanó would have wanted. it is not, however, what I want

[kuiinncedes]

bro

[snekdood]

i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness

[alphajocklover]

Hey! My gay bestie and I got invited to a frat halloween party by some dumb straight jock and he sent us some costumes to "be more confortable in the party" but in the box he gave us theres just some caps and some shorts. Should we go? And I think this is a trick.

You’re right. You’re certain of it. This whole thing, you are your best friend being invited to a party by a bunch of stereotypical jocks, is definitely a trick. Specifically, those caps and shorts are a trick. Or they're at least a part of one. You can tell by the barely hidden mischievous grin on the face of the frat boy handing these costumes to the both of you that it’s definitely some sort of prank. Maybe itching powder or something? Still, if you or your bestie Jamie turn down the costumes, you can bet that they’ll probably do something worse. The two off you head to the bathroom, whispering to each other as you do 

“I’m not putting on this hat. Baseball caps are so tacky! Only douchebags wear backwards caps like that. Plus they probably put glue in it or something.” You said, scowling slightly as you looked at the unassuming but somehow threatening hat. Jamie giggled slightly next to you “Personally I’m not worried about the cap as much as I am about the shorts. What if they put itching powder or something in there? Or what if they’ve worn them before! So grody!” Jamie said, wincing at the thought of wearing someones used, sweaty shorts. You laughed slightly at the look on his face. Then, like lightning, a thought occurred to you. You grinned at Jamie as you explained.

“You know what? How about we see whose right. You only put on the hat, and I only put on the shorts. We know it's a prank so we might as well have some fun with it. Whoever suffers less, gets a favor from the other. Deal?” You asked. Jamie considered this for a moment, looking uncertain… before grinning 

“Okay hun. Let's do this.” He said. With the bet in place, Jamie handed you one of the pairs of shorts he had been carrying and you headed into the bathroom while he stayed outside to put on one of the caps. You felt a little embarrassed as you stripped off your pants (and shirt because the jocks had insisted every guy be shirtless), and tried not to look at your lithe body in the mirror. You slid the shorts up onto your body… and felt something like lightning shoot through your body. While, not your body. Your legs. Like magic, they began to inflate with a mix of muscle and fat. Your calves looked incredible, your thighs were thick with muscle, your cock grew to obscene proportions, thick and meaty, and best of all was your ass. It could only be described as a bubble butt. Thick and juicy and delicious. From the ass down, you were a Greek god. You’d be incredibly turned on… if you weren’t freaking out. What the heck had just happened? Was this some kind of allergic reaction? You were going to scream for help… when a dull knocking was at the door. Numbly, you opened it up… and found something shocking.

It was Jamie. Or, Jamie’s legs. From the waist down it was obvious he was the same skinny flamboyant gay guy you had gone to the party with. But from the waist up… he was exactly like one of the dumb frat boy jocks who had invited you to this party. The same beefy pecs that you almost wanted to call tits, the same huge biceps, the same thick bodybuilder neck, and the same dumb grin and dull eyes that had nothing but thoughts of muscle and sex behind them. You stuttered as you tried to take in the scene before you “J-Jamie?” You asked in shock. The dumb jock laughed dully, like you had just made a fart joke

“Nah bro, names James. J-bro if you wanna get nasty.” James said, flexing his muscles cockily. 

One of the jocks who had given you guys the costumes, Brock, approached the two of you, a happy grin on his face, that quickly evaporated as he saw what was before him 

“Oh fuck! What did you two do?!”

After a lot of freaking out and accusations – and some inappropriate groping of your ass by James – The three of you were finally able to figure out what happened. You and Jamie were right to think it was a prank, but it was much bigger than either of you had thought. The cap and shorts were supposed to turn you both into the perfect frat boy jocks who would join the frat, but because you two had mixed your clothing and split one set instead of using both, you had both been… half jocked. You got the bottom half, including a muscular ass, legs, and big feet, while Jamie got the top half, including beefy pecs, muscular arms, rippling abs, a chiseled face and a jock's brain. It quickly became apparent there wasn’t any way to turn you back, at least not one the jocks would give you, and they couldn’t transform you any further.

You definitely got the short end of the stick. While James, as he now called himself, didn’t get the leg muscles, muscular ass or the huge cock, he was able to fix most of that through hard work. Jocks love working out, so with his new personality becoming a frat boy completely was almost inevitable. The only thing he couldn’t change was the cock, and as it turns out James was never a slouch in that area to begin with. He wasn’t as big as some of the other jocks, but no one could say he was small. You, however, got the jock libido and a huge, fuckable ass, with none of the showy muscles or charm. Without the jock attitude and work ethic your leg muscles faded pretty quickly. Except for your ass. See, despite the jocks plan not having worked out as they thought it would, they did accept both of you into the frat to try and help you with your changes, and while you struggled with the leg workouts they showed you, you found you loved squats. 

So, you ended up a horny gay twink with a bubble butt and a big cock, while your best friend Jamie turned into a complete douchebag jock named James. To your surprise, you both fit in great with the frat boys now. They are not as straight as you assumed, and now you’re basically the frat cum dump. With your libido, you basically have to be, cause when you’re not being fucked you can barely think. So you’re the frats favorite fuckable twink now, at least when you’re not busy getting fucked by your boyfriend James. Turns out he didn’t change as much as you thought, and his old crush on you blossomed into a passionate relationship. No one got what they expected, and how you got to this point was a little fucked up, but when you’re being railed by J-bros thick cock as he smacks your bubble butt and kissed you lovingly, you can’t find it in yourself to care.

[dr-spectre]

Hey guys! I wanna share something REALLYYYYYY important with you all!!!

So, I was having a nice conversation with an editor from Inkipedia. Really friendly individual, we had a nice civil discussion and it was great to hear out their points and wiki related things. I learnt some cool things and how Nintendo operates in certain areas.

I asked them about some stuff relating to Callie and localisations, and they told me that the "Hypnoshades" are actually just called "sunglasses," in the original Japanese version of Splatoon 2 and theres no mention of brainwashing OR hypnosis. All of the events in the original japanese version of Splatoon 2 seemed to be a lot more vague and up for interpretation which i found to be very interesting!!

However.... the editor told me that the English localisation line from DJ Octavio, "I remixed Callie's brain!" is actually different in the original japanese version.

GUESS WHAT DJ OCTAVIO SAID...

"Aori-Chan is so simple minded! I was able to brainwash her with ease."

Nintendo JP.... WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! I WAS YOUR BIGGEST DEFENDER!! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT IN THE ORIGINAL JAPANESE VERSION... CALLIE WAS STILL BRAINWASHED?!?!

Oh I'm gonna be sick....

You know, this ultimately just proves something to me.

Splatoon 2's writing... just fucking sucks. Straight up, it's ass. And not the good kind. It's poorly written and you wanna know why? It's set up is REALLY GOOD!!!! but it's pay off is the most uninteresting, vile, disrespectful, childish, lazy, DISGUSTING THING THEY COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE!!!

All this interesting set up with Callie and having this arc where she's so lonely and busy that she ultimately runs away to the Octarians, joins them willingly and ends up getting hypnotised, resulting in her becoming more emotional and seeping into the darkness in her heart... Marie, having to come and remind her of the good times they had together... to reignite the positivity in Callie's heart... to repair what they have broken... to have a fresh start...

But did this setup get paid off in a satisfying and emotionally deep way? No.... they choose to TREAT CALLIE LIKE A FUCKING MORON AND FOR WHAT REASON?!?!?! ARE NINTENDO JUST SCARED OF DEPTH?!?! WHATS THEIR FUCKING ISSUE?!?!?!

ITS SO DISRESPECTFUL!!! SHE LOST THE FINAL SPLATFEST AND YOU CONTINUE TO BEAT HER DOWN?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! WHAT WERE THE WRITERS COOKING?!?!?! GET THEM OUT OF THE KITCHEN DAMN IT!!!!

They literally picked the most uninteresting and disgusting fucking outcome possible and I genuinely don't know why. There's SOOOO much concept art and multiple sunken scroll entries that showcase this depth for Callie, AND THEY THREW IT AWAY!!!

But you know what? Im gonna continue to hold my stance about the events of splatoon 2 because I would rather like to look at the story in a more interesting and narratively fulfilling way than what Nintendo is trying to push. Sure, it might not be what Nintendo said happened, but I would rather look at the events in a different, more character rich way for my own fucking sanity and enjoyment. I am going to continue to say fuck you to the notion that "Callie was brainwashed and kidnapped" because I like stories where characters go through character arcs and growth!!!! I hate it when that depth and agency for my favourite character in this franchise IS TAKEN AWAY!!!!

I would rather live in a world where Fresh Start ACTAULLY MAKES SENSE AS A SONG!! I would rather live in a world where OCTAVIO ISNT A FUCKING UNREDEEMABLE EVIL MONSTER THAT CUTTLEFISH WOULD NEVER WANNA SEE AGAIN AFTER HEARING WHAT HE DID TO CALLIE!!!!

I would rather live in a world where Splatoon 3 feels more satisfying to me and the Squid Sisters get proper send offs and pay offs to their arcs from the start of Splatoon 1.

I would rather live in a world where Tidal Rush is more emotional and personal, THAN SOME BULLSHIT "oh we gotta save callie because she's a dumb idiot and she's an object to grab because it's a video game!!! Ha ha!!!"

I would rather live in a world where Callie is given a proper character arc, INSTEAD OF GETTING KIDNAPPED AND THESE AWFUL AND DISGUSTING THINGS DONE TO HER! ONLY FOR IT TO GET REVERSED SO EASILY WITH NO MENTION OF THESE EVENTS EVER AGAIN!!!!!

UGH.... I'm actually so angry. I hate this so much.

When Splatoon 4 comes out, I'm not gonna hold back on my criticisms. I want change out of these writers because the current format we have for Splatoon stories is actual dogshit and I'm so tired of it. Everyone in the community is tired of the cool and interesting character details being pushed to the side and hidden away because Nintendo fucking hates narratives and only saves it for RPGS for some ungodly reason.

Im tired of important character details giving shoved off in optional and hard to find content. I'm tired of these awful implications and events being spread like wildfire in the community because daddy Nintendo said so.

Im done.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

examples of atla live action’s attempts to be more feminist and how they actually had the opposite effect and/or hurt the integrity of the show

already talked about katara and pakku. does not make sense that she did not have a master. point blank. just because something sounds empowering (ie katara saying “yes. and ur looking at her.” after zuko asked if she found a master) doesn’t mean it automatically is. there still needs to be logic and katara “being her own master” defies logic imo im sorry!

katara in general. she has no ferocity here which to be very honest i dont think is fully the writers’ fault. some of the blame goes on them but the actress for katara just delivered alllllll of her lines w the same exact mild tone. katara is overly motherly. she is bossy. she is passionate. she is nurturing. she is emotional. THERE IS POWER IN THESE THINGS!!!!! why would we take away her spark?!?!?!

i loved live action suki. however, i LOVE the line in the original when her and sokka part ways and sokka says “i treated u like a girl when i should’ve treated u like a warrior.” and suki says “i am a warrior” *kisses sokka on the cheek* “but im a girl too.” THAT LINE WAS SO PERFECT like lemme say it again there is POWER IN FEMININITY! there is no shame in that!!!!! why does this show wanna take that away so badly. at one point live action suki says something like “im not just a warrior, im a kiyoshi warrior” and before she parts ways w sokka she thanks him for showing her some of the world or something like that. which was fine but i just love the simplicity of the original. a girl can be a warrior and have a crush. why do we have to change that?

this is a small one and it doesnt REALLY matter, but i cant help but think they changed this to be more “feminist” which is just dumb. yue isnt betrothed? well she was but she broke it off? and hahn (her ex) isnt a huge dick? i mean it wasn’t the worst thing and i didnt really mind it but i was just kinda like ?????. feel like yue being betrothed tied into her sense of responsibility and foreshadowed the sacrifices she will make for her people. so. feels rly weird that they changed it. i think it was to show more women agency which is always cool. but in the original, yue finally gets her agency by becoming the moon spirit. that should be the end of her character arc. idk. a weird change that seemed unnecessary.

sokka not being sexist. honestly i think the live action did a good job at omitting this while not REALLY making it feel like something was missing. with that being said, something was still missing lol. once again, its apart of sokka’s character. i feel like everyone has already expressed their hate for this so ill just leave it at that.

i am a TAD indifferent on the women of the northern tribe joining the forces during the fight. on one hand i cant lie i smiled bc obviously i love water bending and i love women so there was definitely apart of me that was happy to see that moment. however. it was kind of giving like in endgame when theres that random shot of all the women superheroes in one frame so the movie could have a “slay queen. we are girlbosses:)” moment. like it just felt a little empty and it wasnt the feminist battlecry they thought it was. these women have been healing their whole lives. why would they be any good on the frontlines of a fight? they never learned combat skills! HOWEVER, when we see them, its mainly just them reinforcing the walls so like. that makes enough sense. im cool w that.

i know im dwelling but as we know i hold atla in the highest regards. it does a lot of things perfectly imo. and one of the things i think it does PERFECTLY is its treatment of female characters. literally the only thing i can think of that i dont like is when team azula beats the kiyoshi warriors and ty lee says something like “u are NOT prettier than us” NDBSKSJDJ like ok that was weird. but anyways. it irritates me how the live action kind of seems to have this pov that says “the original was good, but there were some ideas and plots that were outdated so we changed them to keep with the times” like they’re fixing something that was broken if that makes sense. when in actuality, i think atla’s representation of women is perfect and timeless. it was relevant and powerful in 2005, and it is equally as relevant and powerful in 2024. there was nothing about its feminist themes that needed to be “fixed” or “updated”.

[ask-smg4-clubau]

RAAAAAAAAAH I APPEAR I APPEARRRRR

Anyways lmao

Uhhhhh question for the two silly ppl [ those two sillies being 2 suspiciously familiar people who are blue and purple 🤨 ]

How much do you two get paid, like I genuinely want to know 😭😭😭

And uhhhhh question for the creators, are you planning on making this au as a silly ahhh au or a serious one 👁👄👁

Also, is there more Club AU content coming 👀?

Anyways uhhhh

Deez nutz

PS : I LOVE YOUR AU RAHHHH, SERIOUSLY THIS IDEA IS SO GOOD

Club 3: " You seem to be a bit nosey asking a guy how much they are making. A bit rude don't you think? "

Club 4: “Oh c’mon 3, don’t be shy!

Whispers: he’s just embarrassed he doesn’t make as much as me

But I on the other hand make about as much money as you throw at me, so thats for you to decide ;)”

Club 3: " OI! you know i'm standing right HERE right ??.. but yea that's gonna have to satisfy your dumb question. " " and i am NOT shy so shut up.. "

Also hai, Cookie here! (co-owner)

For your second question, this au is a pretty silly one.. for now

But this au can get very serious! We honestly have so many ideas and conflicts and arcs that we CAN’T WAIT TO SHARE, but it’ll be a while before we get there so stay tuned :3

So to answer your third question, there’s a-lot of content coming out >:3

(We cant wait to share it all with y’all YIPPEE)

Hi hi its uh 3 here or uhm Coffee or bomb or whatever... as to what cookie said yea its pretty silly for now... but we got lotta stuff planned so like.. if theres more questions... start asking and thus should be revealed.. maybe if club 3 isnt an asshole HAVE FUN ! >;3c

[romanarose]

Hi Roman! Loooove your HCs re: the TF boys. Could I pls ask you what you think would be the biggest sources of contention when it comes to each guy and their SO & how they handle relationship conflict?

Hello, wonderful human! Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Been cranking out fics to catch up and prepare for everything lol!!!

Happy to answer you! I'll be focusing mostly on the guys issues, not so much readers, but we all bring out own things into relationships.

Warnings: Addiction, ptsd, general relationship issues

I think everything should be gender neutral, correct me if i missed something.

More HC's here

Santiago

Commitment.

My dude can't commit to a thing.

I imagine after the movie events he went to see yvonna.... and then left after a few months bc he's a mess.

First arguement you get into he;s like "fine! I'll just leave then, clearly this isn't working"

And you give your best ????? face.

Santi you dumbass.

But you don't give up that easily! You're a menace to society.

You make him face down the issue, talk to you, and *gasp* share how he feels!

When its resolve, you tell him he can't just threaten to leave when he gets frustrated. If he wants to leave he needs to be honest, but he can't hide away under one small issue.

You ask if he really wants to leave. He says no so fucking fast.

He admits he hasn't had any stability in his life like... ever. Immigrant family, military, then his less-than-legal missions... but he wants to make it work with you

You have to work to find a balance between not letting him run away but not forcing him to stay.

But it works. Santi finds you easier and easier to talk to about things and soon enough, he's been with you for a year and theres still no itch to leave.

Ben

Benny Miller is a goof ball.

That's why you fell in love with him in the first place!

But he's not the most mature. He struggles to be serious, even when he wants to. That's the issue. You don't want to dampen his shine, you love him how he is

Thing is, you've been together 6 months and you still feel like you're casually dating.

There was no big "I love you".

He simple kissed your cheek saying goodbye, said "love you!" and dashed off to his friends.

But you did love him, you loved him so much but you weren't sure he was invested as you were. Maybe he wasn't ready for a serious relationship or you were more of a casual date to him...

Benny notices your mood change pretty quickly. He may be dumb but he's not stupid

(This is a joke Benny is canonically a highly skilled and talented individual I love him so much.)

"What am I to you?"

You ask him and it starts a whole discussion. You're surprised to find he's listening intently to what you have to say, takes in your words well.

You express how it hurts that every time he says "love you" It's the same tone of voice he uses with his friends or brother. He makes you feel like you're "one of the guys" but you're having sex.

Benny pauses and gathers his words before expressing that he does love you, very deeply. He thinks about marrying you... he just struggles to express it verbally. After some talking, you introduce him to the idea of love languages.

You figure out Benny loves receiving with words of affirmation and thats what he gets stuck on. He can't express well through words, so he thinks he's fucked.

You take the time to talk about the other four, and ways he can express through those.

After this talk, you feel much better and Ben makes you feel so, so loved and special.

(He also makes sure to say his "I love you" during sex or more initmate moments, not just in passing, letting you know that he really, really does.)

Will

Fear.

You probably expected PTSD, didn't you?

Well thats a part of it. His PTSD does affect his life but I think he's scared to lose you and scared to hurt you.

Will keeps you at arms length. Maybe you're a friend of Ben's and are around a lot and clear chemistry!! But nothing is happening

Finally you confront him. Bestie you can't keep lingering touch on my arm if you're not gonna fuck me about it.

Will is def the most straight forward and self aware so he's gonna be honest.

"I choked a man out in a grocery store for not moving his cart fast enough and almost killed him, my fiance left me after that, I've got 33 confirmed kills and also I watched one of my best friends die and carried his dead body over the fucking Andes, man."

A lot to unpack there!!!!

He tells you he's afraid he's going to lose you if he lets you get too close. He's afraid of hurting you.

You tell him he's sweet but he should also go to therapy.

You go with him to the first appointment.

Will I think is the easiest bc I just think hes the most mature and open

Frankie

Addiction

My dude hates himself.

And literally any feeling he's like "well time to do some coke about it."

It wasn't a big deal when you just started dating. You knew he did coke sometimes on weekends and rationalized that it can't be that big a deal, it's like drinking, right?

(Im 26 now and realizing how many people casually do coke is wild to me. None of my business tho.)

But soon you realize just how bad it's gotten. He's high almost all the time. Then his liscense comes under review. Then the trip to south america...

You don't think he's ever even sober, and you're worried about him, worried his heart is going to give out. Sometimes you stay awake watching him breath just to be sure.

Finally you can't take it anymore. You never wanted to to be the ultimatum party but you can't do this, you're suffering and so is he. He either gets sober or you leave. You didn't care how long it took, you didn't care if he relapsed but he needed to start trying.

Frankie ops to go to rehab. It's best, because he's gonna need to detox first.

You visit often, almost every day, making sure his friends all knew when visit times were and sometimes going as group, sometimes separate but always making sure someone came by every single day so he knew he wasn't alone.

90 days later, Frankie comes out a new man. He's cheeks fuller and pants tighter but his smile bigger.

He's gonna be okay and so are you.

Tom

He's dead

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! I love tf boys head cannons <3

[barbieb0y]

okay. i finished the 2.0/floor it! to the golden city event story. thoughts/ramble under the cut bc spoilers

i feel like. the plot is kinda all over the place ?? it starts off with this legers dude wanting to meet with j for "a slice of that new age market pie" which means .... what exactly? am i just dumb?? i still dont get what he wanted from j that has to do with the new age market and/or manus vindicslay. i'd appreciate it if someone can explain to my dumbass. but then, understandably so, the j gang sees legers and his cronies as a threat to haight street. and then it leads to ... j wanting to visit his sister paulina/polly at the foundation

i feel like there couldve been a better lead-up to this other than "man we shouldve left like polly did but now we gotta deal with some baddies". like idk it feels abrupt to just cut to them visiting the foundation. but then theyre like oh polly couldnt have died bc her hand doesnt match this old pic we have of her and it's kinda silly and they raise a commotion and bla bla bla the foundation chases after them bc of it (i find it funny how thats how they get the foundation in on the bigger problem thats brewing underneath everything). matilda is tasked with catching the men and then through matilda's diviner skills, they confirm that polly's dead. manus vindicslay comes to stir shit up again so matilda's like okay fine i'll help you guys

fast forward they stumble upon the underground market blah blah blah mercuria is evil ⁉️ except i actually. dont understand what her role is here. like at first i thought that might be the point of her character bc she never stays in one place so she never stays in one role but idk. for someone who seems to be so important in this event, her motivations are unclear. but anyway

i dont understand the whole "oh we planned this all along" think they pulled either like??? what. did they plan exactly? the ambush and j faking a death and working alongside legers?? none of this was explained properly right??? or am i dumb???? ngl when i was playing through that scene i was like "are they expecting the audience to be smart enough to piece everything together?" my mind started to wonder like if they pulled a persona 5 and have a whole scene explaining their plan, would that be underestimating their audience? MAN IDK BUT THEY DIDNT SAY SHIT ABOUT THIS PLAN UNTIL THAT SCENE PLAYED. i definitely related to matilda in that moment 😭😭😭

but anyway what i liked and not-confusing about this event is the characterization of the characters (aside from mercuria). everyone feels consistent, from j all the way to eternity. im glad the quality of the character writing is still intact at least, for the most part

the character dynamics are also quite well-written, especially between j and polly. it's as heart-wrenching as i expected it to be. thinking about it actively gives me emotional damage. the fact that it took me more than a dozen chapters for me to realize that j sees polly in matilda. seeing his friendships is also heartwarming and it showcases j's personality quite well. his dynamic with pioneer is also cute. theres always something funny coming out of their dialogue when they interact

the setting is an interesting choice, it's enlightening to see how it impacts the worldview of the characters and their motivations. the poverty, disease, crime, and neglect of it all. the new age market is intriguing is a nice choice to get a lot of people of different backgrounds and stuff to gather in one place. not much to say beyond that

tldr: i dont know what the hell happened story-wise but it Happened but i truly love all the characters in it and how they interact with each other and their environment. this event story brought me Massive Pain™️, especially when paulina is on screen

not my fave event (which may be surprising bc j is in this event, i know), rayashki takes the cake for that, but i would be lying if i said i dislike this event. in fact, it's made me want to cry a few times. if it wasnt for the confusing pacing, i wouldve been more moved

[weirdmageddon]

long mediation on jade and dave’s relationship - part 2

part 1 is here

this part is essentially about dave and jade’s personalities, their basic dynamic, and how it works. and addressing some things ive seen said about dave in moments that people remove from context because they dont weigh these contexts and prior ones. if you want a post that goes into dave’s attitude towards jade (conclusion: he cares about her a lot) here it is

part 2: switcheroo + misconceptions about dave's role in dave and jade's relationship

something interesting i realized while writing this is the thing about grimbark jade is that she is no nonsense when her normal self is all about nonsense and entertaining silly things because she can see the merit in them. in fact she is always having a chuckle caused by dave's sense of humor and im sure dave got used to interacting with jade like that so wtf with grimbark jade

EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her! EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff. GG: hahaha GG: he is so silly! (p.293)

TG: snows a big chilly carpet of nobody gives a shit TG: like old man winter spread around his nasty mayonnaise and turned the landscape into his personal asshole sandwich GG: eww dave no TG: when i look around all i see is the miles of unharnessed snowmen im just too damn cool to build GG: no this is so lame GG: i am hearing an insane and stupid guy say stupid idiot things while wearing dumb sunglasses for lame morons! TG: whoa jade with the fucking haymaker TG: i need to go look for my teeth on the canvas as soon as shit stops spinning and there stops being like ten of you GG: heheheh GG: why dont we play in the snow later (p.3024)

GG: i cant get over how tiny this thing is! GG: its so cute GG: so the baby frogs show up on this pad here? GA: Yes GG: i cant wait to try it GA: What Are You Laughing At There GG: oh GG: lol GG: dave just has a lot of funny stuff to say about all this GA: What Is He Saying GG: oh you know, a bunch of silly stuff GG: theres too much to copy/paste! GA: Hmm GG: here ill save it all to a file and send it to you -- gardenGnostic [GG] sent grimAuxiliatrix [GA] the file "daveisafunnyguy.txt" -- GA: Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That GG: hahaha (p.3312)

JADE: *snicker* JOHN: what? JADE: nothing JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game? JADE: hehe JOHN: who is it? JADE: pffff! JOHN: dammit, jade... JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too JOHN: oh. JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy! JADE: we have strategies? JOHN: um... JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them. JADE: hahahahahahaha JOHN: oh god. JOHN: what is it now? JADE: did you know... JADE: davesprite is a funny guy? JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess. JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+! JADE: i just told him you said that JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche" JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now! (p.4732)

in a way i feel like their roles parallel dave and jade in the earlier acts from homestuck, but inverted (and twisted/not as nice cause grimbark jade is under nefarious influences)

dave approaches the world from a highly pragmatic position. his ego (in the purely psychoanalytical sense) that he holds himself to, shows to the world, and what he tends to reason through is one that’s about relaxed competence. he’s critical of unreasonable actions and takes it upon himself to guide others into being more efficient in practical, realistic ways. he sees that jade struggles in these initially but she readily accepts his help, which is more than glad to provide.

this doesn’t say anything bad about jade harley. this doesn’t make her stupid, or in need the saving from a knight in shining armor nor does it make dave condescending towards her. it’s information that he is able to provide and that she appreciates and trusts his assistance with while she sees through the things that she prioritizes like helping others with matters of hidden opportunities / the big picture and interpersonal needs which are completely out of dave’s league, something he highly respects but doesnt feel its his greatest asset towards other people like jade does. jade is very into science and gadgetry, but remember that she relies heavily on her sharp intuition rather than straight up pragmatism like dave would. jade really is exceptional and multitalented but she doesn’t know how she does the things she does half the time!

(p.790)

even though dave acknowledges this it doesn’t really bother him

TG: hey TG: oh TG: youre asleep again arent you TG: or do you even know if you are TG: i still dont know how that works TG: its like nothing means anything TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage (p.829)

GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package! TG: oh yeah TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet GG: i think it did! TG: yeah? GG: and i think mine came too TG: so uh TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something? GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know! TG: hmm alright (p.382)

TT: Jade is connected with you? TT: Where did she get the discs? TG: i dont know how does she do any of the loopy batshit nonsense she does (p.1401)

but because she’s gotten by on intuition and her dreams for most things, she’s not as adapted to the rationale behind actions. dave can sense her struggling and wants to help because it’s basically his mission for everyone, not just jade. but that’s the information that jade is glad to be led by and continues to unconsciously prompt him with. she encourages his practical ways and doesn’t tell him to fuck off or just straight up ignore his advice which dave interprets as his strengths being needed by someone else

GG: dave! GG: are you busy? GG: i dont have much time! GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um...... GG: activate! GG: like yours was GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it, while john fusses with the kernel GG: helloooooo? TG: nak nak nak GG: :o (p.2907)

TG: yeah honestly i figured wed have to do something like this TG: so i guess here we are doing it GG: doing what?? TG: well youre my server player remember GG: yes TG: i need you to deploy something first TG: in my apartment TG: in a few hours ill go back there and we can continue this GG: oh jeez, a few hours???? -- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- TG: yeah TG: as in a few seconds TG: im back at my place now GG: fastest hours :o TG: yeah TG: now TG: deploy the intellibeam laserstation GG: but that costs so much grist!!! TG: no it costs practically nothing TG: check out how much ive got GG: omg... GG: what does this thing do? TG: its mostly pretty stupid and useless TG: but itll come in handy here TG: it reads captcha codes GG: on the back of cards? TG: yeah GG: but GG: we can already read those! TG: some are too garbled and complicated TG: the human eye cant decipher them TG: needs sophisticated scanning technology TG: and artificial intelligence to figure it out GG: hmm GG: but isnt the whole point of captchas that only humans can read them? GG: and not robots??? TG: yeah well TG: thats why this is so dumb (p.3025 / 3026)

TG: thisll be the disc i use for your connection TG: while the original will stay bound to roses connection GG: so you will be the server for BOTH us ladies??? GG: you just keep getting smoother, i cant handle all this smoothness TG: well technically TG: i will be your server TG: and past me will stay as roses server TG: which is to say present me will TG: the one in the black suit GG: ohh... GG: i guess that makes sense TG: he can keep managing her for a while TG: until she sorta checks out soon and becomes totally useless TG: then he can start hopping around time like i did TG: make a ton of money and stuff TG: eventually become me TG: and become your server player GG: ok i think i understand that! TG: yeah see its not hard to get the hang of TG: in the meantime ill kind of loiter around this timeframe to help you out for a while GG: yessss thanks dave <3

TG: im just going to cut right to the chase and upgrade your alchemiter so you can avoid a lot of bullshit TG: ill give you some codes and you can punch cards and slip em into jumper blocks GG: yaaaaaaaaaaaay! (p.3030 - 3032)

jade has strengths that dave has weaknesses in too, which dave himself points out!!!

TG: ok so TG: the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass TG: please advise GG: i think your sprite wants to hatch it! GG: awww TG: do you think thatll take more than four hours GG: hmm... GG: i dont know it looks like its pretty warm where you are TG: its hot as the sizzle side of the steak GG: maybe not too long then???? GG: i guess we'll find out! TG: maybe i should try to get it back TG: and put it in the microwave GG: :( (p.1507)

dave assumed the egg needed to be heated to break and allow him to enter the game, so his course of action is to go up there and get it himself and use whatever means are at his disposal. that is a logical, straightforward thing to do. he doesnt rely on uncertainty and blind trust that things will just work out when he has the ability to take action in a way that makes sense; that’s jade’s thing. but it turns out jade’s intuition for how to solve dave’s entry puzzle was right! it was actually a test of patience. he later says this to jade

GG: you guys are all so much better than me, i feel sooooo lame TG: we all start out somewhere TG: remember how i was scrambling up that tower to get that egg like an idiot TG: what the hell was i doing TG: i was like goddamn pooh bear in a tree reaching up his fat fuckin pooh paw for some mother fuckin honey GG: heehee TG: so even though im awesome now at one point i was plausibly likened to an autistic stuffed animal TG: and you even knew what to do TG: you told me how it worked all christopher robinning my ignorant ass about that egg TG: but i was all like IM A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD BITCH WATCH ME CLIMB TG: so maybe youre startin out with more sense than me GG: maaaybe GG: :) (p.3025)

hes pretty much like jade's hypeman but in his own sort of lowkey way and is actually sweetly reassuring to her. this includes davesprite btw

GG: those stupid things are impossible to kill :( TG: no you can kill them TG: youll get better dont worry (p.3024)

GG: hmmmm... GG: i dont know if i get that but ok! TG: well yeah TG: my thing is time yours is space TG: pretty different things TG: you GET things about space i dont TG: or you will GG: i will? TG: yup (p.3024)

DAVESPRITE: as a sprite im supposed to help him with his quest JADESPRITE: oh yeah JADESPRITE: im supposed to help jade too, but...... JADESPRITE: *sniffle* DAVESPRITE: shes doing alright dont worry about it JADESPRITE: ok, ill try... JADESPRITE: shes a lot more brave than me i think JADESPRITE: she brought me back thinking i could help her and all i did was disappoint her and everyone else JADESPRITE: you came back as a sprite and youre managing to do important things... JADESPRITE: but i just feel so scared and helpless DAVESPRITE: sounds like you came back because jade made the decision for you DAVESPRITE: i made the decision to come back myself maybe itd be different if you had the same chance JADESPRITE: i dont know if i would have if i had the chance JADESPRITE: but i would like to not feel so useless to everybody DAVESPRITE: i think everyones on top of this DAVESPRITE: theres not much for us to do anymore (p.3927)

DAVESPRITE: so jade must have done something right DAVESPRITE: to wake her up and get the forge going DAVESPRITE: dont know what she did though JADESPRITE: probably something amazing JADESPRITE: she is still working so hard to help everyone JADESPRITE: i guess i used to be that way... JADESPRITE: but ive completely forgotten how DAVESPRITE: are you sure (p.3945)

JADESPRITE: it reminds me of when i died JADESPRITE: and i was trying to wake john up JADESPRITE: i was scared then too JADESPRITE: but i didnt let the fear stop me from trying to save him DAVESPRITE: what would you want to do DAVESPRITE: if you werent scared JADESPRITE: i have no idea JADESPRITE: i guess try to help JADESPRITE: what is there to do? DAVESPRITE: well DAVESPRITE: i was going to bring this sword to dave JADESPRITE: oh noo JADESPRITE: does that mean youre going to leave? DAVESPRITE: no DAVESPRITE: i was gonna say DAVESPRITE: im not in any shape for more adventuring DAVESPRITE: i figure this is probably my last stop JADESPRITE: :( DAVESPRITE: but maybe this is a way you can help JADESPRITE: you mean... JADESPRITE: that i should give him the sword? DAVESPRITE: if you want JADESPRITE: but i dont want to leave you here either DAVESPRITE: maybe you dont have to actually go anywhere DAVESPRITE: you oughta have a lot of special powers remember DAVESPRITE: because of ascending to doghood JADESPRITE: oh yeah! DAVESPRITE: try doing your spacey thing DAVESPRITE: i mean not to sound condescending or anything but its got to be like borderline omnipotence pretty much DAVESPRITE: just put your mind to it (p.3946)

knowing all of this about dave and jade’s personalities and how they work together, i’ve see people get on dave’s case about making jade slap herself in the face after she put the dead bird into his kernelsprite while he was preoccupied with taking a leak

dave freaks the hell out when he realizes she’s asleep; he needs to wake her up because she needs to help him get into the game while requires pragmatism and reasonable actions so that he’s not crushed to death by an imminent meteor. or falling plumbing fixtures. the goal wasn’t to show her who’s in control or whatever or to be mean (do people seriously think he would do that to be mean to her just to slap a girl?) it was strictly to wake her up since he has no means of influencing that besides getting creative

while asleep, jade doesn’t think logically and certainty not to the extent dave needs her to be right now. she’s scattered lalalalala and can forget about limitations or consequences in the real world and also has a short memory span while dreaming: e.g. “4 hours until what?” and she put something into the kernelsprite right after dave asked her not to because she forgor </3 and jade does acknowledge this about her dreaming self btw

GG: i mean, i only talked to you when i was asleep! i am kind of different when im dreaming... GG: i forget things, and at times im not totally sure whats real GG: dont you remember thats what its like to dream on prospit? (p.3056)

dave literally says “we need to wake you up youre not very logical like this” and he does apologize about making her dreambot wake-up slap her

i also see people say that dave thought of jade as helpless and he needs to be the hero and that's why "davejade is not good actually"

TG: but ok i mean isnt that what heroes should be doing TG: working to take down the bad guy without a whole lot of this fuckin grandiloquence and these huge sweeping plans that got nothin to do with fighting him TG: like always biding our time and tiptoeing around the unbeatable god boss TG: johns too nice to get mad TG: rose spends all her time calculating TG: too focused on machiavellian ploys of sabotage to try anything drastic TG: jade is TG: i dont even know TG: probably more a liability if she got it in her head to take him down TG: if anything id bet she just needs protection GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG H3R3 D4V3, 1N TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T 1S ST1LL B31NG 4BOUT YOU TG: im just wondering TG: when does someone actually step up TG: jacks got shit to pay for (p.3703)

this minor thread gets followed up on in the pesterlog where jade contacts dave and eventually she concludes jack needs to be stopped and dave's like ... "oh shit" in his head. "oh shit" as in jade's got Game good for her go jade, "oh shit" as in she's going to be ripe for the stabbing cause the idea is in her head now, and "oh shit" as in this moment is the seed of why im going to have to rehearse jade accidentally killing me over and over and i cant tell her about it. due to this he is always fated to die in the alpha timeline both standing up to jack and to protect jade. it's woven into his story. but he was wrong about everyone else also! which i dont see brought up when that quote is used? rose does something drastic (pilots the moon into the furthest ring) and john gets mad (on the ship) and jade is the opposite of needing protection (she’s the only one jack won’t stab and also she ends up so fucking OP she has to be basically written out of act 6) so it's less a thing about jade specifically but to show that in hindsight dave was wrong about ALL his friends. which is an interesting discussion to be had about him in itself, but not now. this is the most sane and well-thought out interpretation of it ive seen

"In general, though, I think Dave has a tendency not uncommon to [thirteen] year olds (or… humans in general, if we’re being honest here) to cast everyone else as a player in his own story and characterize them in ways that fit what he wants. There’s the famous chunk where he says John never gets angry, Rose will never stop scheming long enough to take action, and Jade’s a liability, only to be proven wrong in every count. That fits his understanding of these people and his ideal relationship with them - friend, actor, protector, the one in the group who can be the hero." "Yes, I think Dave probably saw Jade as the most supportive and least judgmental friend. I’m not sure if that impacted his incorrect judgment of her since that’s kind of a pattern for him in general, but I guess it could’ve."

and also putting this solely on dave is kind of ... ehhhhh? because john says the same thing about jade but i don't see anyone getting on his case for it.

CG: SHE AND DAVE RAN INTO JACK, WHICH I'M SURE HE MUST HAVE SAW COMING BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE EXPLOIT TIME TRAVEL SO SHAMELESSLY AS HIM, NOT EVEN ARADIA. CG: SO SHE AND DAVE FOUGHT WITH HIM A WHILE, AND LONG STORY SHORT, HE DIED. EB: what!!! CG: BUT IT'S FINE, I GUESS THAT WAS HIS PLAN, LIKE SOME BIZARRE USELESS LAST STAND, EVEN IF HE DIDN'T TELL JADE WHO WAS PRETTY FREAKED OUT UNTIL I TALKED HER THROUGH IT. CG: JADE SAYS SHE HAS THIS FIGURED OUT, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO MUCH BUT TRUST HER. CG: THE POINT IS, SHE'S ALL BOOKED UP, AND ALL TOO MORTAL. SO SHE WON'T BE DELIVERING THE BOMB, AND NEITHER WILL YOU. EB: ok, well what about this. EB: since she is mortal, and i am not (sort of), and i don't need to do the scratch for a while, can i go help her? EB: maybe she could use some protection? maybe that is what dave was just trying to do, when he temporarily died. EB: remember, jack is still on the loose! he has killed rose and dave once, and me twice. CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO. CG: SWEET BLEEDING JEGUS, EGBERT, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR IMMORTALITY, AND THEN BRAINLESSLY ANNOUNCE PLANS TO GO OFF AND DO SOMETHING HEROIC! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SHORTEST LIFESPAN OF ANY IMMORTAL IN HISTORY. EB: sorry. :( CG: BESIDES, IT'S A TOTAL NON ISSUE. JACK WOULDN'T HESITATE TO STAB YOU AGAIN, BUT HE WON'T HURT JADE FOR SOME REASON. CG: IF ANYTHING, YOU COULD USE HER PROTECTION. (p.3869 / 3871)

and also keep in mind dave does absolutely change his perception about jade's strength??

DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that (p.6384)

DAVE: gotta keep em napping DAVE: especially jade im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got DAVE: cant let her turn those against us (p.7485)

so back to grimbark jade and the switching of these roles, dave doesn’t entirely lose his pragmatic bent. that’s still the way he thinks about stuff through but his time on the meteor has softened him and allowed him to become more reflective on big-picture things such as his role in everything

ironically this is the exact reason for his clash with grimbark jade is because she’s trying really hard to make him do stuff and it’s stuff that he’s not going to budge on because he doesn’t think it’s practical

JADE: why not? JADE: our empress can hardly have a knight with such rusty combat skills in her service DAVE: will you cut it out with the evil jade baloney DAVE: im not going to fight you DAVE: my rooftop dueling days are OVER JADE: en garde! DAVE: ugh DAVE: even if we just went balls out jackass BANANAS with our swords here i mean realistically how much appreciable advancement in my battle skills would even result from that DAVE: are you actually thinking this through or just going through the vaguely nefarious motions that come with the territory of being evildog!jade JADE: im gonna go through the vaguely nefarious motions of kicking your ass in a minute if you dont put up your dukes!!! DAVE: yeah you probably will DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that JADE: by using your time trickery! JADE: come on dave do your timey thing JADE: get creative, make lots of copies of yourself or something... outsmart me! DAVE: no! JADE: yes!!! DAVE: ok here i go JADE: !!!!! DAVE: wait DAVE: nah JADE: grrr JADE: dave, just try a little time travel to get this fight started JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about... JADE: now! JADE: ... JADE: no wait JADE: riiiiiiiiiight... JADE: ... JADE: ... JADE: NOW! JADE: .... JADE: ..... JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket DAVE: i told you DAVE: im not time traveling DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually (p.6384)

one thing floral mentions in her post is that dave is pushing jade for answers about her failed relationship with davesprite

DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway JADE: none of your business >:p DAVE: it kind of is DAVE: hes bird me DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know JADE: that doesnt make any sense! DAVE: you said he had issues DAVE: what issues JADE: augh! JADE: forget i mentioned it DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave! JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean! JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!! DAVE: man i knew it DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche (p.6386)

and while it is true nobody is obligated to share the details of their relationship, there is a LOT of evidence to believe dave was asking because he wants to be a good person and, to me his words here, and his past and future actions relative to this point, show that he’s not as messed up of a person as grimbark jade is making him out to be. let’s dive into it. think on this: why does dave care so much what jade thinks about him? he started getting “neurotic” halfway through the conversation once jade brought up her feelings about him

JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!! DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!! DAVE: what DAVE: i did DAVE: when (p.6386)

he’s genuinely so lost because he hadn’t had contact with any extension of jade in 3 years. alpha timeline dave has been sensitive towards jade for basically forever and especially now that he’s had time to grow up. he is not going to allow any version of himself hurt jade, and thats why hes asking so many questions to her about the nature of the relationship and what happened

JADE: ok not you JADE: davesprite did JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY! DAVE: whoa no way DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me" DAVE: no i know DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that JADE: *growl* DAVE: but thats not the point im making now DAVE: he and me are just DAVE: crazy different yo DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!! DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole DAVE: ... DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there JADE: *SNARL* DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you (p.6386)

what dave means to say by “hes bird me because it was convenient to say at the time but it doesnt apply to this circumstance” is exactly what i was getting at in part 1 of this series of posts. yes, they are the same people at their very foundation, different reflections of a single character, but up to a point. there’s a gray area of whether or not we can call dave and davesprite the same person. in terms of this conflict though, dave should be regarded as a separate individual because of their diverging history up to that point and adolescent-teenage growth in different environments and under different circumstances. even if dave doesn't know what hes trying to say

he wants to know what this alternate version of himself did to hurt jade so much. even if grimbark jade really is bringing dave into some shit he had nothing to do with.

see the thing is, to me dave could have easily handled being accused a lot worse and say something like “youre overreacting” or something. that wouldve been dickish. but he doesn’t, he never does. he really seems to be more motivated by like, “woah what?? whats his problem? are these about issues i still have and dont know they were hurting jade or are they uniquely davesprite’s?”

like, this isn’t a joke to him even if his main form of communication through humor to lighten the mood (jade loves dave’s silliness dont forget all the times she’s giggled because dave was “so silly” and “hes a funny guy”). immediately after rescuing the mayor from eviljade’s lava kick, he was going to give davesprite a piece of his mind and this shows he is sincerely concerned about what an alternate version of himself did to break jade’s heart. he REALLY fuckin wants closure on it because he cares about her feelings so much

i don’t see this other side covered in floral’s post, but evildog jade here is Also pushing dave to do something that he is uncomfortable with as well, which is to use time travel.

dave stopped time traveling so he wouldn’t “have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody”, stating he was “never that cool with it” to rose back in act 5. around the same time when karkat talks to john, he says “TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER [FIGHTING JACK WITH JADE], AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH” which honestly makes me think that whole event was the nail in the coffin for dave on time traveling. seeing himself die fighting jack and knowing it was coming and he couldnt tell jade no matter how much he wanted to that her bullets were going to be the cause. this is the last straw for him regarding time traveling it affected him that much

remember the last lines of pesterlog jade had with dave before being separated? i mentioned it earlier--the one where jade decided jack needs to be stopped and they should “come up with a better plan than Rose’s suicide mission to stop him. Dave suggests the idea is futile, but lets her know she’d come to her own decision regardless, and he’d be available to talk later if needed” (from recap 3)

GG: well maybe im just being naive... GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me! GG: are you suuuure we cant beat him? GG: i dont know if we should rule it out! TG: well TG: youre about to do what youre about to do TG: and im not going to tell you not to TG: i wont do the bullshit troll thing and tell you what youre going to do and then just dare you not to TG: while knowing damn well you will anyway TG: so ill just say TG: whats next is up to you TG: and if later you want to talk about it TG: im here GG: ok GG: thanks dave! (p.3204)

this was dave’s nice causality-free way of saying “youre going to end up killing me during the jack fight that winds up happening. i cant tell you that im going to die and that youre going to be the one to shoot me, because i know you wouldnt go through with it. that would drag us in a doomed timeline and we’d all die anyway, not just me. youre probably going to be freaked out when it happens since i can’t tell you this, so if you want to talk me about it later, ill be here for you”

which, first of all is, holy shit. he cares about her and her feelings so fucking much. and it’s nothing new

TT: What about why you went to fight Jack? TG: sure TG: i did that TG: because i wanted to TG: and because i was supposed to TT: Are you sure? TG: yeah i saw my future self fighting him so obviously that had to happen or else id be dead anyway TG: without even getting the satisfaction of standing up to him TT: So what about Jade? TG: what TT: You didn't tell her your expedition with her would result in your death, let alone one she'd inadvertently cause. TT: Or that she'd be stuck with the job of resuscitating you. Did you? TG: what am i really supposed to say TG: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack TG: then i die and youve got to make out with me TG: that kind of changes how the whole thing goes doesnt it TT: Not if you're "supposed to," right? TG: what does that even mean TT: I guess you're right. No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion. TG: wtf TT: It must be comforting to have your ASPD tacitly supported by predestination. TG: aspd TT: Antisocial personality disorder. TG: oh no TG: this conversation just got bumrushed by a mudslide of fucking awful TT: It wasn't already awful, believing you might be dead? TG: you dont know anything TG: about what i was feeling or what happened on lofaf TG: you were all pavement faced and babbling your throefester speak and flipping off the shit with your own crazy deathwish thing why do you think you know what was going through my head TG: youre just assuming and throwing around psyche buzzwords like aspd complex disorder TG: im telling you if i said anything at all about it she probably doesnt even fire her gun once and all im doing is dragging her into a doomed timeline with me TT: I guess I'm learning to be impressed by your sense of obligation to inevitable misfortune. It's a strange case of inspiration through futility. TG: none of this is that big a deal TG: i just mentioned the basics to her TG: that id stop time traveling soon TG: break out of the loops TG: not have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody TG: i was never that cool with this (p.3896)

dave got suddenly super fucking defensive about rose making assumptions about how he felt about fighting jack and knowing jade was going to inadvertently kill him, knowing damn well how jade reacts to seeing corpses (remember that time dave threw his slain body out the window so jade wouldnt see it because “it would probably freak her out”), and the fact that he couldn’t warn her to protect the alpha timeline and also protect both of them and everyone from falling into a doomed timeline. and he knew it was coming the whole time. he was right, rose didn’t know what was going through his head. but his defensiveness here means he had strong feelings about it. not only that but dave saying “whats next is up to you, and if later you want to talk about it, im here” shows the amount of trust he has towards her

we see him tell this to grimbark jade straight up his thought process for why he stopped time traveling. and it’s spot on with what i said. again, remember that this is the first conversation he has with jade after 3 years being separated

DAVE: but see with time travel DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true DAVE: theres no good that can come of it DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead JADE: ...... (p.6385)

and what fucking broke me yesterday was realizing after all this time, ironically it was DAVE who wound up being the one who had to talk to jade about it.

JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you DAVE: damn DAVE: ok lemme start over (p.6385)

“damn ok lemme start over” bro he really wants to open up to her about this thing he’s been stewing on for three years only for it to fall on deaf mind controlled ears. it’s so fucking sad

part 3 is cooking and it’s going to be about dave’s character growth post-meteor and what that means for dave and jade

[theflowergothic]

*cracks knuckles dramatically*

Im back, I was in moutning for awhile but the allure of these weird rich peoples fucked up psyches were too hard to resist, as you can probably tell by the LENGTH of this ask, it is I, SHRIMP ANON

So ive been watching some old F1 clips and stuff, mostly because i love Kimi Räikkönen but I got to 2015 and so then, Max and all i could think was BABY, Just absolutely BABY, Which then got me thinking that im only 2 years older then Max was in 2015 NOW,

That got me to realise that i am the age that Max was ( and maybe a little older) when he met Kelly, if I met Max now it would be like Kelly meeting him, which.. YIKES, It was already so Yikes but thinking of it in the context of MYSELF makes it so much worse, I realise that this sounds self centered but it legitimately made me process it more.

Anyways thats just some Misc thoughts before the actual essay/rant to come, Before I begin i want to apologize in advance for any Spelling/grammar mistakes, i write these things on my phone

What I wanna talk about today is Why Max? She was talking to or interacting with Lando at the time and could have just as easily chosen to dedicate her effort to him instead of Max, so why?

Ok first we need to assume Kelly is at least somewhat smart, even though i loath to say it, she was a health coach for a bit so she must have had to pass SOME kind of test, she's not dumb and we have to assume that she knows what she's doing when she's manipulating people

Ok so she was spreading her options between Max and Lando, presumably after the money, fame and WAG culture that comes with dating an F1 driver, maybe she liked the life with Daniil but he dumped her and she wants it again, most if the drivers her age have partners already so she casts her net downwards

Lets talk about why Max was the optimal choice to be manipulated. Content warning here for like....Max stuff....I think you know

First of all his BLATANT parent issues, absent Mom and Jos being an abusive dickhead to Max and to pretty much every partner he's had, Max most likely grew up not knowing what a healthy relationship looked like, he was isolated most of his childhood so he wouldn't even be able to go over to say a friends house and see their parents interact, combined with the abuse he faced, he probably started to internalize that this was normal, which opened him up to being easier to take advantage of and abuse later in life.

His partners are almost always older than him which is also very interesting, we dont know if he's had any boyfriends but if he has Id be willing to bet they were older than him too, I can't say for sure why this is but it would make sense if it was some Fucked up desire to be taken care of, some internalized part of him wanting not a partner but a caretaker, almost a parental role, like i said before, fucked up

He also grew up with a lot of negative reinforcement, this isn't even speculation but if you dont know what that is, positive reinforcement is the way of training an action or behavior by rewarding when something goes right, negative reinforcement is the opposite, punishing when something goes wrong.

Because of this childhood this makes him very vulnerable to positive reinforcement and praise, something manipulators often use is Lovebombing, which i think was one of the things that drew Max in to Kelly, at the time they met he was still a teenager and closer to his father then he is now, Kelly was probably a bubble of positivity in the midst of the pressure and negativity that is Jos and Formula 1, especially with her being one of the ONLY sources of positivity then, he latches on to her and she gets him, bingo

Essentially she cant really do that to Lando, like most people without childhood trauma he could probably recognize that she was too old for him and back off, and before anyone comes at me saying "he liked her insta posts" theres a different between finding someone attractive and wanting a relationship with that person, more than likely i think Lando liked some of her posts kinda mindlessly and she tried to jump on that like Max but lando was like "uh what"

So yeah, i guess that was really just a big ramble about why she chose Max, i hope you enjoyed, so hyped for the video

xoxo- your biggest fan and writer of the longest asks,

Shrimp 🦐 anon

Welcome back, shrimp anon!

This is a very interesting and thought-provoking rant. Thank you very much!

I met my “Kelly” when I was around 18 as well, and I can confirm that even without abuse/negative reinforcement that’s a very vulnerable time in your life. And it’s definitely something the wrong people can take advantage of.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What ships do you do not like?

Im saving Huskerdust for last. I have way too much shit to say.

Aside from weird illegal ones and also disgusting ones, I am a very big Sir Pentious x Cherri Bomb disliker. It couldve been good but theres like no chemistry and Cherri doesn’t seem to actually like Pentious for any reasons other than he kissed her and then exploded and also weird double penis joke. Said it before, I’ll say it again, Cherri does not need a boyfriend she needs character development. If you’re interested in more of my hatred I have this rant abt it here

Valentino x Vox is another that I hate. I feel like I don’t need to explain why but I will anyway. I know they’re technically not canon anymore, but idk how I’m supposed to enjoy a ship between two characters when one is Valentino and also knowing that it was previously canon that Valentino has shattered Vox’s screen multiple times. Honestly you can’t even be like “well the voxtagram posts arent canon anymore so he’s not abusing vox” because you’re like objectively wrong. In the first couple shots we see of Vox and Valentino together Vox has an entire glass thrown at his head. Very important detail, he nonchalantly dodges it implying that while we know this is a common occurrence for Valentino to have violent breakdowns, it is also a common occurrence for Valentino to throw things at him or try to injure him in some way. Not to mention he seems very unsurprised when Valentino takes his phone and breaks that as well. Vox is also forced to walk on eggshells around this guy with how he talks to him. There’s literally no way for it to be healthy at all.

While I love the concept of Charlie and Vaggies relationship, it’s entirely brought down by Vivzies inability to write women and her lack of care for wlw relationships. There’s a lot of good rants about this, but I have so little substance to mention on these two it’s kind of hard to talk on. Vaggie doesn’t have much character development and Charlie is just incompetent all the time in the canon show and the only interesting stuff we got was from episode 7 (very good episode btw)

Any Alastor ship ever. End.

I do not like Huskerdust a lot of the time. I don’t enjoy how the fandom does it a lot of the time because they don’t really consider the others boundaries and just are like “well they like each other now so they should kiss!” And I disagree with that very hard. For how it is in the show, the best i've seen is the little bit in episode 8 which I really do enjoy but obviously there was no build up to it really so I hardly have much to grasp and I have to do everything myself. Relationships take a long time. That goes hand in hand with my rewrite also. Angel has harassed Husk and other people multiple times and that’s not okay obviously but for some reason no one acknowledges that?? The first step of them ever getting together or even being friends for that matter is Angel apologising. I will be mentioning my fuckass rewrite again just as an example of what I’d do, so I apologise! Everything from this chunk till the end is about how my friend and I have tried to fix this dumb relationship. It’d take him a little to mention it, but for how I’ve done it with my friend he ends up going out to dinner with Husk after rewritten episode 4 events and after getting texts from Valentino he starts reflecting on how bad Valentino and other people objectifying makes him feel and has that “..shit im doing that to other people.” And they have a little talk about it where Angel apologises for acting that way and tells Husk to call him out if he started doing it again on accident.

And it's not a quick fix conversation either, they aren’t magically best friends now and they don’t suddenly start being lovey with each other, Angel doesn’t even list Husk as a friend yet in his mind and has a bit where he only lists two people as his friends. There’s also bits of rewriting where Angel is yelling at Husk and ends up getting upset to the point he indirectly hurts Husk by throwing a wine bottle at him and Husk steps on the glass while he’s walking out. They talk it out again and Angel has another small crisis about potentially starting a cycle of abuse because his own trauma is shaping how violently he reacts to minor situations. Both of them need to work on themselves before they do anything. Especially Angel when he’s developed a habit of snapping and has a mindset that he needs to physically fight any potential threat away from him and it's leading him to actually hurt people. While that isn’t the sole reason he's in hell he's still in hell he is an objectively bad person and Husk has his own problems too especially when dealing with Angel specifically, both of them have an issue of pushing blame off themselves or shaming the other in overly stressful situations even if they don’t mean to. Husk has a tendency to shame Angel for his coping mechanisms and even if he's well intentioned with his criticism he gives it in a very uncaring and harsh way and will sometimes default to saying “I didn’t actually care in the first place” even if he does. They currently are not ready to be in a relationship together by any means, but fights help them reflect on themselves and of course at least Angel is at the hotel to be a better person. Charlie talks to him often and shows him it’s okay to confide in other people but that he doesn’t need to tell someone everything and that he can keep things to himself, and then the help from Charlie leads to Angel apologising again and trying to do the same for Husk like listening to him talk about his own issues and then giving input on them or just casual banter and so on. Both of them desperately need to work on themselves and they’re trying to do it together and I think when they're ready they’ll probably the best matches for each other, but you can’t just skip over the issues, the issues are the entire point of growing, that's why they are at the hotel.

[soupsandwich64]

THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AND THEIR LOVE LANGUAGES.

Forgive me for any mistakes of lore, names or character traits etc.. I am bad at remembering things.

Not proof read.

ALSO NOTE THAT THIS DOESN'T MEAN "THESE ARE THE ONLY LANGUAGES THAT WORK ON THEM" IT MEANS "THESE ARE THE ONES THAT WORK BEST OUT OF ALL OF THEM"

And theres things like least favorite, too.

--------------------------------------------------------

ROCKET RACCOON

RECEIVING -

(What is most effective towards him)

GIFT GIVING.

(Particularly prosthetic limbs)

QUALITY TIME.

Think like co-playing. Both in the same room doing different things. Sometimes talking

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.

This one is probably pretty intense for him, so he only lets it actually sink in if it's a short sentiment from someone he truly cares about. Like, a friend being like "wow you're so cool!" Would definitely make him feel good, and probably inflate his ego/self esteem, but wouldn't really set in. But if like, Peter or Mantis etc. said something like "I appreciate everything you do for this team, we love you" that might actually hit hard. That's what I mean when I put words of affirmation here

---

GIVING

(What he would give you or others)

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.

QUALITY TIME.

These two are his most standard forms of affection. He also gives them like he receives them. So, if someone he's friends with is a silent type, comfortable silence in the same room. If they're talkative, some light chatting is ok, and so on. Words of affirmation from him would most likely just be surface level stuff like "Good job" "You're not as dumb as I thought" "that's a neat trick" etc. sort of a friendly bullying. How people respond to that bullying tells him a lot about someone, usually. Just like with himself, if he's particularly close to someone, he may let out the occasional genuine praise without a layer of sarcasm.

LEAST FAVORITE

Physical touch.

Yeah, ouch, I know.

Not only is he smaller than everyone, which might make physical touch overwhelming, but he also has the situation on his back. But deep down, I think he's a bit touch starved (Everyone in the dang MCU is at this point) and secretly enjoys it. You just can't be heavy handed, and he really has to trust you. And too much too frequently may make him feel like a pet. So be careful.

(theres no way he would admit though, If asked about it he would simply say "Cause I don't want you gross sweaty skin bags all over me", referring to most peoples lack of fur)

-------------

PETER QUILL

(Theres like only 4 gifs of him. Why does my boy not deserve tasty gifs)

RECEIVING

-----------

With Peter it heavily depends on where you are in his timeline. The "golden age" Peter, where Gamora is alive and in love, and its good times for everyone, is probably not focused on relationships outside of the team (which might be part of his issues that were addressed in Vol 3.) The "everyone I love is dead" peter is in an extreme depressive state and obviously isn't going to be making new friends or even be responsive to his current friends (for the most part). The post Vol3 "Reconciled with my dad and stopped hopping on lily pads" Peter is new man! But also the same, being like a rebuilt version of himself. He would now, in my opinion, value every relationship he has. Every opportunity he has to be with other people becomes valuable, and everything he does is to honor the people who loved him when no one else did (Mama Quill, Yondu, Gamora etc.) and serve the people who love him now and kept loving him even through hard times. (Rocket, Mantis, Drax, Groot etc.).

With that said,

ACTS OF SERVICE

GIFT GIVING

I see Peter feeling loved more through actions and physical items because of what he's been through, making him crave things that are solid and real. Also Yondu was a lil trinket collector so that may turn up in Peter too. But, I also think Peter may feel a little guilty when receiving gifts. Very grateful, though.

I will also add

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

QUALITY TIME

Because even despite what I just said, I think a solid "You're so strong, I look up to you" every now then would make him giggle and kick his feet a little internally.

And listening to music together or sharing music is also particularly special

At the end of the day, he's just happy to be around loved ones.

GIVING

Just as you may be doing right now, he would probably try and figure out what the specific person likes. So his giving just depends on the person.

LEAST FAVORITE.

He doesn't really have one. He just wants to be loved.

--------

DRAX

(The destroyer (and protector))

Drax is probably receptive to most forms of affection, but it has to be obvious and clearcut.

Like, doing subtle things in the background might not get his attention, but hugging him directly and saying something like "I appreciate you as a person and for everything you do for the team" would be a lot better, and mean a lot more to him, even though its a very bold/blunt move. Theres probably a balance between blunt and subtle, but it would be pretty easy to strike. You also don't want to leave room for interpretation if you're afraid of him misinterpreting the difference between platonic and romantic affection. Its a slippery slope, but as long as you avoid using the word 'love' without platonic clarification too many times, you'll be good.

Also Drax does does not make friends in the traditional sense, he simply decides who is and who is not his friend. Whether they know about it or not. Not even in a way thats like cold and calculated or something, he just thinks it in his own head and decides it, expecting the others to simply Know.

With that said,

RECEIVING

PHYSICAL TOUCH.

I say this is probably both receiving and giving, but he's probably less likely to give and more open to receive. I feel like he would just kinda stand there the first few times someone hugged him, but if it became a routine thing, he would become more reciprocal. That might sound like he doesn't like physical touch, but I think its rather the fact that along with his other social skills, physical affection just turns out.. different.. for him. Like when he pet Rocket. I think he's a physical person, it just comes out weird. I want to hug him. If you touch his muscles too much he may get weirded out, or think you like him.

GIVING GIFTS

If you give him something he likes, like zarg-nuts, oh boy. He will DEFINITELY like you. Thats all to be said.

GIVING

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.

Things like "You're ugly, but thats good because then you know who really loves you", y'know.

GIFT GIVING

Will offer you zarg-nuts. Thats a big deal.

LEAST FAVORITE

Probably Quality Time, but only if its boring. I think he actually sees things like fighting alongside the team as quality time, so it might just be different than how we would interpret quality time.

Again, he probably is just generally receptive to each language so you can't really go wrong, as long as you come across right.

-------------------

GAMORA (pre and post)

(There's also not a lot of gifs of her at all)

So, much like quill, she has three versions. During Thanos, Golden Age, and Multiverse. I'll do Golden Age and Multiverse because I don't think During Thanos is interesting, at least not for this specific post.

Also golden age and multiverse are technically two different people.

GOLDEN AGE GAMORA

Golden age Gamora is, in my opinion, a very deeply feeling woman. She can be stone cold when she needs to, but I feel like she is very emotionally intelligent especially as she gets closer with the team. She is also very loving, and is often 'the rock' of a friendship. Or just generally the level headed, down to earth one.

-----------------------

RECEIVING

QUALITY TIME

Definitely finds spending time together and talking valuable. Even listening to music together is special.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

As long as the words are honest and not trying to just flatter her or try and get in good with her, she appreciates it. Honest praise goes a long way. Too much too often may make her embarrassed.

GIVING

Since she *is* rather emotionally intelligent, I imagine she would figure out what that person is most receptive to, and display that. But if it's someone she likes, like Peter, she may get bashful and have a hard time acting natural with it and would probably revert to her own preferred language.

LEAST FAVORITE

GIFT GIVING.

I imagine her upbringing caused her to not be a materialistic person. That said, gifts can be extremely special to her, but its just rare. So giving her flowers doesn't do anything but like if Peter gave her a mixtape, thats different.

////

MULTIVERSE GAMORA

A more hot headed, less sensitive version of golden age. Meaning she's probably more standoffish and less emotionally intelligent, but not by a lot, just sort of by the trimmings and details of her personality. Being with the ravagers probably does that to most anyone. Golden age has more motherly vibes, while multiverse has more protective older sister vibes.

--------

RECEIVING

PHYSICAL TOUCH.

In the form of rough housing and play fighting with her ravager friends. Not exactly in a tender way, although I do see sort of the "let me patch you up" angst. One of the differences between the two is that multiverse is more afraid to be vulnerable.

GIFT GIVING

Surprisingly. I think the ravager life style may make her a little more appreciative of having her own things. I imagine theres a lot of competitiveness for special food and special items, even if its playful. Even though something unnecessary like flowers may not excite her, things like a newer, stronger weapon could mean a lot. Golden Age may not feel the exact same only because it's probably more accessible. But lets say if its something Rocket made her, then it would be inherently valuable because its from her friend. With multiverse, things gain inherent value when they're useful.

LEAST FAVORITE

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.

She doesn't need you to tell her she's doing a good job, she already knows. Compliments are only effective from people she respects above peer-level, which is rare. Joking around with her friends (loving insults, etc) is different though.

---------------------

GROOT (multiple ages)

(I couldn't find gifs of young adult groot, only many of baby groot and a few of groot senior. Sad)

Baby Groot, Teen Groot, Young Adult Groot, Adult Groot, Groot Senior. So many choices. I'll do them ALL. (Except adult groot cause we just saw him for a few minutes so like- yknow)

GROOT SENIOR

Since Groot sr. was treated "more as animal" than a person, I imagine he doesn't have a concept of love language at all. Therefor, I will say that anything he perceives as loving, caring and protective action is his love language both giving and receiving. R.I.P. legend you will not be forgotten 🪽🕊️🕊️ 🙏 💯

The original baby boy. I'm still sad.

-----

BABY GROOT

He's a baby, so in theme for babies, attention, physical affection, and quality time are pretty much his main priorities. He ain't got much going on. Older baby groot, like toddler groot, is more active and perceptive, so I'd say his main receiving language is words of affirmation, and his main giving language is acts of service.

TEEN GROOT

Teen groot is broody and angsty, and he's definitely not thinking about other's feelings. So I'm gonna say while it's rare, when he does show affection, it's act of service. Receiving is pretty much anything, he doesn't really care right now.

At least not about the specifics.

-

YOUNG ADULT GROOT

Now, groot is much more loving and affectionate. He is receptive to all love languages, and gives them all too. Except, theres not much use in words of affirmation for him unless he really loves the person.

-----

MANTIS

RECEIVING

Anything. As long as she can clearly tell it's love/affection, it's effective. Like Peter, she just wants to be loved.

GIVING

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.

Being able to verbally explain how she feels to someone, and how she may appreciate that person, is the most confident option for her. She thinks that it's pretty effective, and is the safest option. She probably also never got a lot of affection at all before the Guardians, but I think she appreciates mental and social affection more than physical.

LEAST FAVORITE

Doesn't have one.

------------

NEBULA

(Last one I'm doing this post then I'll do a few more in a second post)

RECEIVING

QUALITY TIME.

Like board games and stuff, or at least thats what I think she wants, deep down. I feel like maybe she doesn't realize this is one of her love languages. Like it's subconscious.

GIFT GIVING.

With her upbringing, she only had things taken away. Giving her something of importance may mean a lot to her. Like her new arm in Vol3. Again since shes still a little emotionally constipated, she may not really realize this.

GIVING.

She doesn't really understand how to sort of actively pursue a friendship or how to read someones love language, so her giving language is probably just existing in the same space as someone without criticizing them. Because she doesn't quite know how to do more than that, or at least isn't comfortable right now. But she wants to and deep down she's trying.

------------

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!

I'll do like Adam Warlock and stuff next.

[roguesnezblog]

Trigger warning - Vent stuff (Suicide, bullying etc.) I am not feeling great. And I'm going to censor everything below if you don't want to read. But this post I wanted to make, one, for my own benefit. mentally, but I also feel like people who are in the same position as me could use an understanding ear. So...

Feeling real horrible. Like I shouldn't exist. To put it bluntly. Making the rounds of depression again. I want to type this out here and will most likely delete this later because being vunerable on the internet is not exactly, sometimes, met with anything good.

I won't go into detail on as to why either, since opening up about things you've done is usually weaponized online too. But lets say this: I have been made to feel, in some online spaces, that, My existance and presense should be eradicated.

I have been treated this way by these people for years. Over 5 years now. I had been bullied, and called horrible things, been witch hunted all the works that online crap can bring. And most people are in agreement, I should get over it by now. Who scares if a few people don't like you, don't want you around them? They have a right to believe that, and it's not like I didn't deserve it.

And I suppose in truth a part of me agrees. I dont expect approval, nor do I expect to be liked, a part of me rationally knows this. Not everyone online is going to be on a sympathetic understanding side of things.

But another part of me creeps back. You see, during this time, when people turned on me violently, for mistakes I've made and regret, I got low. Real low. Suicide low. I figured I was diplorable. Unforgivable. Disgusting. I felt like I should be punished. I did. Yanno. Self harm. A lot.

I figured the world would be better. Easier, if I wasn't in it. They made me believe this.

But I was always in conflict with reality. You see online isn't really half of my life. I have good parents, not perfect, but good. And a family who cares about me, and deep down, I knew if I was gone, if anyone, they would suffer for it.

So ...Suicide wasn't really an option. Not properly.

I had no choice but to endure lots of inflammatory comments, being excluded, distanced, the community (not this one) I wanted to feel a part of, and enjoy a love of drawing was...cruel.

I could rant more about what they did. How much they alienated and hurted me, broke down my character and warped me into this...percieved monster. But theres no point. And yanno I don't want to get into details like I said.

But a part of me still thinks that Im not a victim here. That I deserve it.

It's the rest that feels inconsolable. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel like thats the only option for me. To be erased. And think how much easier it would be for everyone else that I didn't exist.

But I want to be a kind person. I don't want to make people uncomfortable with my presense, or existance.

I shouldn't spare mercy to people who don't care. I know...But it's hard not to think when for your entire life you've been messed up.

Im pretty sure being some kinda autistic or at least neurodivergant doesn't help...(I haven't got diagnosed yet. Being a part of british NHS sucks. It would take me 5 years to get someone to see me. So they told me, and I'm considering private, but that costs 2,000 pounds and...Im scared honestly)

Anyway.

This feeling is often met with apathy, or "just don't think about it" by friends and family, who know somewhat about all this.

But it's hard.

It's heavy.

I just wish forgiveness could be an option. The mistakes I made, I learned from, and have never done again. But it's not enough.

It feels like this unending maw, gaping and cavernous. Swallowing me whole until it leaves nothing but that mistake left. They make it me. It's all I am. My identity. I am a literal monster to them. Something to fear like a boogeyman.

Not a dumb young adult who had no idea what they were doing.

I am nearly 30 now. I regret being stupid. Not knowing things, being ignorant and not just....being more calm at the time, but when people jump on you, you panic.

I have dug this hole. I know that... but it feels like I was forced to.

And the prolonged suffering, it's just....

I was happy for a time. You know? The fear and guilt lifted about a year ago for a while. When I found people who appriecate me, who care and want me around in that community, My confidence for a while was up. And I felt like I COULD exist. Live again, and be in spaces without feeling like I was a leech. I was happy and even talked to people in calls. I didn't have nightmares and I didn't feel like I needed to quit my freelance work.

There was...a couple of incidents, where I let my confidence blind me, approached people who haven't forgiven me, and told me to fuck off.

Which I did, to be fair...like I say: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

But...recently, the community pool has gotten thin. Drama happened (not to do with me, thank fuck, I couldn't deal with that stress I feel terrible for the people who have to endure it.) and spaces that were safe have been deleted. And the people who scorn me are now making a new space for them to pool into.

I've been excluded from that space.

That doesn't bother me, I have friends who will remain by my side. And this kinda happens everyone 6 months or so that people move spaces. But-

It's gut wrenching, to feel safe and forgiven. And then to be reminded that no, infact; You can't escape.

My friends will stay in spaces I feel safe in. And I know really- I'm not gonna loose much. But to be reminded that your existance would rather be purged? It's...not a fun feeling. Not to feel especially due to the struggles I've been facing and facing hard these past few months.

I suppose by writing all this, and saying all this, I just can't help but wonder in this mind space...Is it me? My fault? My brain is the one doing this...I am jumping from: Oh people I don't even like don't want me around? Better go die.

I made the mistake in the end....And this is my punishment. My torment for making a mistake.

It's ridiculous really...I shouldn't be feeling this way. But yet I am....I feel hopeless, empty. Sullen. Like theres no point, like all I feel and have been doing to grow, and move on....it doesn't matter. Because nothing changes.

I'm not sure exactly why Im writing this, or why Im even sharing these feelings, perhaps I just want people to talk to. Much as I love my friends, they get uncomfy talking like this... They can be dismissive and they don't really want to find a solution or confront it. I am just told to "forget it" and such. As I said before. But it doesn't help you know?

Putting this out there, it may make it worse...Which honestly; I fear. People online can look at something like this and use it to try make you worse, or kill yourself. Like....some people really just...get a kick out of making you feel like crap.

Im sure this is a sentiment that a lot of people, a lot of you, understand. It's cruel. Bullying and....I wish it would go away, not just for me, but for all of us....But I also hope a part of this can....maybe help someone?

That...something like this, isn't unusual....(unfortunately) and that some of you out there have been through the same thing...or are currently going through the same thing. And if thats the case...As someone who is feeling it at the current moment I want to say this to you:

You matter. You deserve to exist. You CAN live. And ...so long as you learn from your mistakes...That doesn't make you an evil, or even just a bad, person. You're a good person. You're a good person if you want to be better.

And....for you. I will keep this in mind for myself too. I fucked up. Maybe you did too...But we can be fuck ups together.

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I am not ok, but I think I will be. Admittedly, I could just not post this, but I think theres some value somewhere in this rant. I think it should be heard by some.

[cryptiqish]

some quick thoughts on nerdy prudes must die

first off - this is 100% a return to form for starkid for me. tgwdlm was like. lighting in a bottle but i really, really am not a fan of black friday - so i dipped after that, and never really looked into nightmare time etc. as i'm not super into the hatchetfield eldritch lore stuff - honestly, i figured i was aging out of it. THAT SAID. holy shit. npmd is brilliant

every single goddamn song is a banger. every one. it's so rare for me to like everything at least to a little bit, but when i can interchange my entire top 5 you know it's brilliant. high school is killing me, nerdy prudes must die, dirty girl, hatchet town...all top tier starkid in general. up there w tgwdlm

angela giarratana and will branner steal this entire show. absolutely insane stuff from both of them. will in particular...oh man. it's his show and you just KNOW it

oh shit!!! oh fuck!!!! i didnt think thered be a skele'uhn here... im so fucking scared of skele'uhnz!!!

it's FUNNY

i <3 the weird anime nerd kid. rip king

jon's vocals and just. general range in this is amazing to see from tgwdlm

 i will say i wish this maintained the more straight slasher vibe of the first act all the way through but that’s just personal preference since i'm less into the overarching eldritch lore stuff as mentioned. with that in mind though, i didn't find the lords in black stuff as jarring as i thought i would (and the summoning's a banger) - so it works narratively. i think at the end of the day i prefer my standalone shows - not everything needs to be an extended universe - so i was pleasantly surprised at how relatively well this could function as its own thing.

following that - i think this is the closest starkid's gotten to like, off-broadway quality - with plot modifications i could 100% see it making the jump. the production quality - of both the musical itself and the proshot, is amazing - everything pops, it's incredibly polished and just looks brilliant (again, such a step up from BF.)

shoutout to the costume design in particular. top tier work again. ghost max looked crazy good.

for something that in actuality didn't get a lot of focus...can’t stop thinking about how the whole max jagerman grace chastity dynamic is like the absolute HARDEST thing to randomly come out of starkid. the implicit themes had absolutely no right to go that hard!!!! it’s a silly horror comedy!

devout repressed christian and a boy that thinks he’s god. and then she deals with the first sign of sexual attraction to him by killing him??

and then his ghost comes back for vengeance, viewing it as divine justice - and then she ends the musical enacting her own vengeful divine justice?? straight up with modified reprise of his song?? they’re one and the same?? the prayer motif???

“will you pray for me / when i’m gone / or is this the eternal dark without a dawn” and “who will pray for you / when your body’s gone” is like the rawest motif of all time and it’s in the same musical that has an ten minute long barbecue joke sequence unrelated to the plot

nothing sexier than the motif of killing god and god killing you, in general. i do think i loved this one because it played with a lot of my fave tropes and themes of horror - high school slasher, archetypes, coming back wrong, religion, all that

"the big game" kept cracking me up it's so dumb and yet

anyway this whole thing just felt like we've unlocked...i dunno, a new level of starkid?? i was blown away and i'm sure for those more invested in hatchetfield beyond tgwdlm it hit even more, but it's left me so excited to see what's next from them for the first time in years.

[dukeofankh]

The discourse about whether romance novel fans are porn addicts is dumb and hilarious. Like, are the books deeply pandering escapist fantasies that usually veer into deeply horny fuck scenes? Yes. Are they PORN though? Oh, absolutely also yes.

The issue isn't whether it's porn. It's that porn addiction isn't real, and getting mad at women for reading porn makes even less sense than being mad at men for watching it, considering at this point the people aren't even real so it's not even like there's a risk of exploitation.

Does it make someone an addict to consistently read books that make them feel good? No. Might not be the most challenging or enriching thing ever, but who gives a shit. People don't have an obligatory quota of deep existential thought that they're shirking by reading thinly veiled Reylo fanfic. Reading words isn't something you can be addicted to. That's not what addiction means. Just straight up. Even when it's compulsive or self-soothing behaviour, that's still not the same as an addiction and you need to stop acting like your youth pastor and/or favourite sex-negative tumblrista knows better than a field full of people with PHDs in neurochemistry, who consistently maintain both the conclusion that the only aspect of porn consumption that is bad for you is the shame some people feel for consuming it, and also that since people can develop compulsive relationships to anything including eating hair, laser focusing on that happening with porn specifically is pretty clearly just a basicass moral panic.

If I could watch movies about a cool awesome guy that everyone thinks is the coolest, and all the dudes are like "oh no here comes the coolest dude ever, I lose and you win" and the girls are all like "but you only have one penis and me and my gorgeous frenemy each have several holes how are we going to figure this out?"...I...would? And I do? Its not hypothetical. I am a dude. That's what a lot of media aimed at dudes has, historically, been. Wish fulfillment. Ladies should also get wish fulfillment.

Like, is it cringe to see people geeking out about their porn in public? Yeah. I don't tend to do that, personally. I think that since people tend to see women's desire in a toothless and objectified way, there's a tendency for some people to overlook how broadcasting it can put people off in public spaces. But that's more of an issue of social media cramming everyone into the same space and destroying the barriers between niche hobby spaces and adult spaces and people's public news feeds. The women reading the porn is fine. The women liking the porn is fine. The women talking to other women about how they like the porn is fine. Something annoying you or disgusting you is fine, but then that's kind of all that can or should be said. There isn't a step two. There isn't a step where you should shame and smear people until they never annoy or disgust you.

At this point society's morals are pretty broadly varied. Theres only a few things left you can call someone that are received with the scorn and shame you meant them with in any consistent way. And that's why everyone spends all of their time calling people they don't like either pedophiles or addicts. It's getting tiring.