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ghosts-cant-sleep · 1 month ago

Note

unrequited love with male reader having feelings for Leon but Leon has feelings for Ada

i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months

leon kennedy [re4] x male! reader warnings: yearnmaxxing, mc is awkwardly put into a pre-existing scene but its okay but the intention is for you to feel uncomfortable, i listened to a lot of kimya dawson while writing this. so. notes: anon you single handedly found every single trigger word in my brain, i owe you all my worldly belongings

fem dni

"Who was she?" His voice scratched against his throat, creating an awkward, unpleasant sound, mouth dry and weak with lack of use. At this point, [Name] was just begging to have his feelings hurt.

But he couldn't keep his focus in check. Like a thirsty hound in sweltering heat, eyeing its bowl of water, Leon sat right across from him. Their desks shoved together, wires of their respective computers entangling themselves, stuffed in the space between them.

Leon's eyes are reluctant to meet [Name]'s, his chin rising before his gaze catches up. The warmth from the desklamp and the blinding blue light from his computer meet on the planes of Leon's face like a painting. They catch in his hair, casting it in it's hues as tousled locs fall over his brow, highlight the contours of his cheeks, deepen the creases beneath his eyes while his brows pinch together. He considers the question for a moment, pen stilling mid letter. "She...?"

[Name]'s pen anxiously rolls between his fingers, palms growing clammy, making his skin feel sticky. He wanted to take the question back as soon as his eyes met Leon's. He didn't mean it, he didnt really want to know, but the question had plaqued mind for weeks now. He didn't care how badly the answer would hurt him. He just needed an answer.

"Uhm, like that woman, I mean. The, uh, the one from Spain." Dread swells in his throat. He tries to clear it with a dry cough. His hands slip beneath the table in a way he hopes is casual, palms drying themselves against his jeans.

He pretends not to remember her name, like it'd make the truth easier to bear, like the sound of her name falling of Leon's tongue hadn't been rotting in the back of his mind since.

He can't even begin to comprehend where his mind had managed to twist all of this the entire time. It made him feel sick, embarrassed to even think about. Leon was his coworker at the least and a good friend at most. How can a single man manage to be that delusional? Twisting every little meaningless moment into a sign, a glimmer of hope for whatever deluded rom-com he thought this was.

But god, he really swore sometime that he could feel it-- really feel it.

During late nights just like this, catching up on whatever boring bureaucratic paperwork their missions came with, alone in a dimly lit office, muttering to each other like every word that left their tounge was some grave secret, leaning over desks, smiling like fools, nearly nose to nose.

"Oh."

Spain wasn't a mission either regarded fondly. They never spoke on it, not to anyone, not even to each other. Grotesque bodies twisted into horrid creatures better left to the imagination had burned itself into their brains. There was a unique sort of fear it'd conjured up in the pits of his stomach. That feeling came back every so often, waking him in a cold sweat, a shriek of fear catching in his throat as he meets his empty, desolate bedroom. It was a shit show.

"I mean, you don't have to like, tell me or anything-- I'm sorry for asking, it's not my place, I was just... I don't know."

Nauseating notions of love and affection had been harbored behind [Name]'s ribs. The lines of want and need blurred indefinitely whenever his eyes settled on Leon, whether it be the lines of his back as he moved, or the small grin he tried to force back to keep up whatever dorky 'cool guy shtick' he thought people fell for.

The impulse to let his thoughts be known, to scream and shout, to hum them through through a shakey melody, to sob them out into Leon's lap, grew stronger and stronger whenever [Name] felt the heat of Leon's body against his own. Fingers brushing together in a breath of a touch, bumping against each other as they walked, crammed together into whatever impossibly inconvenient vehicle they had at their disposal; knees knocking together, shoulders squished, broad back against chest.

And he nearly did let it all out. They'd been through many near death experiences together, yet this one was the breaking point. This one was the one that scared [Name] down to his bone.

Humid air and muggy water clung thick to his skin, sweat and lake dripping down the bridge of his nose as his hands clutched at the soggy fabric of Leon's shirt. His hair was dripping wet, a few shades darker, put cold as his head fell into [Name]'s lap. Blood violently hacked out seeped into the cracks of the blond's lips.

The boat they resided in swayed and rocked despite the earrie stillness of the water. Blood floated in clouds suspended in the water, surrounding them.

He'd dragged Leon's dead weight out of the flooding boat onto the rickety wooden platforms of the boathouse. The stentch of old, rotting fish surrounded them, yet most suffocatingly, the fear of what Leon was even going through, what he'd failed to let him in on.

[Name]'s hands stayed on Leon. An innocent hand on his chest, making sure it rises and falls, a gentle touch against the thin skin of his neck, a finger hovering over his top lip, feeling the shallow breath hit his skin.

And just like that, the second Leon came to, gasping for breath as his body lurched forward, was the same second [Name]'s mind decided it wouldn't do to hoard that aching yearn that rested heavy in his chest, like it was eating him from the inside out.

"It's fine," his tone feigns indifference, waving off [Name]'s uncertain blabbering with a wave of his hand, silencing him then and there like a well trained dog. His gaze leaves [Name] and settles back on the papers, but his pen doesn't move. "She's just a merc. Met her a few years back."

[Name] hums, fingers fiddling with the folds of his jeans stretched across his lap. He nods, teeth sinking into his bottom lip so hard he almost draws blood. He was better than this. He was more mature than this. He wasn't still some lovesick school boy fixing to throw a fit. Right?

"Yeah, that makes sense." He sounds smaller now. "I dunno, I guess I just thought the two of you were close. Guess I was wrong...?"

"Hm."

Whatever 'plan' he had conceived while trudging their way through that village, letting it furthe waste away behind thick forest had died shortly thereafter. When he saw her.

In a castle acquainted midway between opulence and decay. It stood out in comparison to whatever humble community used to reside on the other side of its stone walls, one built from rudimentary inventions, or brick and wood, of community, of labor. The castles corridors were filled with death, twisting labyrinths covered in marble and gold.

There was a dread that followed him like out of time footsteps as his feet hit the cracked floors beneath him. He tried desperately to ignore it, but it hung over his head like an omen.

It was one he should've paid more attention to, one he shouldn't have pushed to the back of his attention-- focusing instead of the suits of armor that towered over him, on the distant sounds of metal squeaking against itself, on Leon.

In spite of it all, of failure risked at every turn available, of the thick smell of dust and cobwebs, of creaking floorboards, his heart sunk only whe his eyes settled on her.

"You can stop right there, Leon." The lul of her voice was cold, almost bored, but there was a playful fondness settled in her throat.

She was gorgeous. He hated it.

A red knit dress hugged the curves of her form, its ridges following down the line of her body, sleaves following through the elegant length of her arm, stopping just where her hand met her gun.

The leather of her glove squeaked as he grip tightened, the cold barrel brushing against the fabric of Leon's shirt as she stepped closer-- a warning, a tease.

"Wouldn't make me use this, would you?" The heel of her boots clicked against the hardwood. Her hair laid effortlessly perfect, brushing against the base of her neck. It looked soft, framing her face, skin dewy, and flushed. The depths of her eyes, dark and brooding, held Leon in place without even having to face her. the candles, flame flickering against her form, made her glow.

[Name] was offered no more than a glance. He stood there, frozen, foolishly more perturbed by the familiarity held in her voice than the gun she wielded. He was no threat to her. Wide-eyed, dejected puppy dog look he gave her was evidence enough.

Leon's eyes fluttered at the sound of her voice, a deep breath sucked in between his teeth, like he hadn't been able to breathe before he heard her voice-- or maybe it was her perfume in the air. The corners of his lips twitch, teasing a grin. "Well, after six years, that's a hell of a greeting, Ada."

Leon hissed out her name like he'd rather be rid of it, but it was an obvious farce. [Name] had grown to know very well the same lilt of fondness and longing that very clearly had wrapped their stubborn hands around Leon's neck. It was obvious, even in the tiniest ways.

It made him feel sick. He just stood there and watched, lips parted like he'd ever had something useful to say in the first place. He watched like an idiot while these two... Hell, he didn't even know.

It was utterly loathsome how well they fit together. When they spoke, when they moved, predicting every breath with practiced eased-- No, not even practiced, but something else, something worse, like second nature, like it was thoughtless. They just knew.

Each strike was just narrowly ducked beneath, leather squeeked beneath a calloused grip, a hand closing around her thin wrist, pulling her close, and empty threat of a blade against her neck, the same way her finger hadn't once grazed the trigger.

"Try using knives next time." Something about Leon's hand on her nearly set [Name] off right where he stood. Ot was firm but far from harsh or cruel. It was savoring, reverent, relieving to have her skin against his, even just like this.

"Not a bad move." A grin ghosts her features. Try as she might to fight it off, it settles beneath her skin, eyes crinkling, and [Name]'s sure her pulse beneagh his hand quickens the same way his always did. "Very smooth."

"So who are you working for this time?" Even Leon's own voice carries the weight of desire. Desire not like how [Name] yearned day and night, but like light tease, like flirty smiles, like foreplay.

"Oh, Leon," his name drips of her tongue like a poem, pain and reluctant covertness and heat all heard in the breath she sighed out. Her head lulls to the side, blinking in his gaze like a cat. The look they shared more than made up for what they'd lost in the six years, whatever the hell that was even supposed to mean. "You know I don't work and tell."

Everything else feels fuzzy.

At that moment, he felt as though the castle walls were crumbling in on him, burying him beneagh rubble and dust, the ground ready to fall beneath his feat and swallow him into the earth. He wished it did.

Something about that woman was easy to get suck in someone's head. Her voice, ao soft, so painfully sensual, striking down the center of his brain like ear bleeding static he wished would stop.

Even his own gaze couldn't stop from following her form out the window, her eyes meeting his in a fleeting glace of pity. Fucking pitty.

Was he really that obvious? How desperate he wanted Leon? Hell, how desperately he wanted to be her, just in that very second? Maybe, just maybe, if he were a girl just half as pretty as her, if he had her confidence, her shiny black hair, that voice, if he were here, then maybe Leon would want him back.

He feels like a child as he keeps a lump stuck down in his throat. It's almost painful. He doesn't trust himself to not speak, for his voice to stay steady, for his desperation to not make Itself known.

His jaw clenches as his teeth grind together. Neither of them deserved the senseless anger that reared it's ugly head inside his gut, but anger was easier to feel that disappointed. He braves himself a glance towards Leon.

Leon, who without a word, picks up his discarded gun off the floor, like nothing had even happened. Whose gaze first settles on the empty window, its framed panes swinging in the breeze, the [Name]'s, and there's nothing when they finally lock.

Quick as that, the realization dawns on him. All those late nights they spent together, hours stretching into the early morning were just work, all glances were just eyes aimlessly wondering in a need to cure boredom, touches, fingers brushing, shoulders knocking, all just mistakes, all fleeting moments were just that. Fleeting moments, not meant to extend past that brief second. They meant nothing.

Whatever sappy speech he'd prepared was stuffed back down his throat. He'd sooner die than hurt himself by entertaining the idea of him and Leon, so he clutched at his chest, feeling everything writhe beneath his skin, desperate, yearning, wanting. They clugged up his lungs, swollowed back like thick tar as they crept up his throat. He'd either suffer or allow them to die behind his mouth, drowning to silence himself, letting it weigh his body down further into the ground.

He couldn't help but be relieved for all the wrong sorts of reasons when that damned island finally went up in flames. It warmed the cast sea surrounding them now, at just the safe distance from the destruction.

That sluggish mess in his chest swelled and bubbled and screamed as he saw Leon. His hair caught the glow of the rising sun stretching its rays out behind the horizon , the water reflecting back in the grayish hues of his eyes, the sleep that pulled heavy at his lids, the bags beneath them, that reluctant look of relief. A tired grin played at his features, crooked teeth peaking out behind a crumpled smile.

Leon similarly peered over his shoulder, right back at [Name] and just... Looked.

#*doesnt post for another 6 months*#resident evil x reader #resident evil #resident evil x male reader #resident evil 4 #resident evil 4 x reader #resident evil 4 x male reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x male reader #leon x reader #leon x male reader #x male reader #male reader

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1nthedarknessofthenight · 6 months ago

Text

﴾ i drink your blood and i eat your skin, part eight.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x f!reader

genre: vampire au

word count: 12,4k

warnings: blood ⋆ only a mention of an animal but not described in any way!

author’s note: im so sorry for not writing again sooner, I still have some exams before me to do. though i can’t wait for my summer break, because I will finally have the time to write again and you can look forward to some other stories of mine that are almost rotting in the drafts. and btw thank you again for the amazing support <3

masterlist

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If only the things you done in the past could be erased the moment you realized you were in the wrong. You wished that after realizing your mistake, it all could be left behind. Why are you so stupid sometimes? Why did you speak before thinking first? Maybe you do deserve the pain he inflicted on you. You were asking for it but you only wanted to know the truth, you didn’t expect that it would somehow affect him so much. It was like he also learned the truth that night. Your head perhaps is just a hole filled with insecurities which you just can’t overcome because you simply won’t expect the fact that someone might actually like you. Like you, to get to know you better, see and hear about your biggest fears and dreams, helping you get pass them, overcome them and accomplish them. It feels like forever since you thought about your feelings this much. You were so used to blocking them away.

You want so badly to just let go and enjoy all of this but you have been alone for so long that you don’t even know if you want to be loved anymore. It is such a crazy idea to you, a reality now…maybe. You dream about being loved that is all you do and maybe it is the only right thing for you. You are a lover girl, not a loved girl…that’s how it is supposed to be in your head. Are you sabotaging yourself?

A man such as himself falling in love with you? Tall, handsome, so charming and yet so dark and broken, wanting only you to be his forever. You want so badly to do the same but it is all just so scary. For quite some time your world started to become dull, everyday was the same. You realized, you were always alone after all and suddenly someone came in to your life, wanting to change that? What if this is the same for him? He has seen the world grow, the circle of life, people dying and being born again. It must be so lonely for him in some way, no one stick around long enough. Like he said — if you were like him, maybe you would understand but you don’t want to say that you somehow do understand…feel something. How could you not really? Even after what happened, because of that you want to get to know him better even more. And you’re so crazy in the head that you almost liked how he touched you…

You are awake now, still however feeling yourself slip into unconsciousness every once in a while. Your body is dripping in sweat, nightgown clinging on to your skin. Though you don’t remember any dream that could possibly make your body react in that way and it is always so cold in your room. A sigh leaves you as you roll onto your back. You hate how much you enjoy the silk sheets pooling over you, caressing you. The blissful state of almost falling asleep again is abruptly interrupt as something drip down on to your skin. You wipe it off but as you do, it only happenes again.

As your hand wiped off the substance which you thought was your sweat, your coated fingers graze your nose. The awful coppery smell hits you instantly, making your face scrunch up in confusion laced with panic. As you open your eyes, they fall onto your hand. You breathe out in shock at the crimson blood as another bead drips into your open palm, making your eyes tilt up to the direction it came from.

…You have never seen such a horrifying sight. Your mind is completely wiped out of any thoughts because you couldn’t simply make out what you are seeing right now. However this gruesome picture stares right at you, almost like presented in a way, so it gives the most gut wrenching feeling out of you. Your whole body stiffened but soon began shaking wildly in panic and fright and every passing second you look at it more, it becomes more real to you. The red color covers your field of vision, you couldn’t see nothing more than that. The once beautiful eyes of the animal are now dull, life completely vanished and you could see the pain in them. The once vibrant white color of its skin now painted red, dripping down on your bed. Your breathing becomes heavy but you couldn’t get any air into your lungs, every intake punches you into your chest and soon your lips open to release a blood curdling scream.

Eyes blocked with your hot tears, made you fall onto the ground as you so desperately try to scramble away as far as your stiff muscles would allow you to. You feel like throwing up, swallowing your spit and trying to fight the awful feeling in your stomach. Your hands curl up to your chest as you sat on the floor, you could feel how much your heart was pounding. You must be dreaming…yes, you must be. This is just another nightmare. Just a nightmare. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real—

You jump harshly as the door to your bedroom swings open, so fast that it flew onto the wall heavily and with such a force that the door almost fell off its hinges. Your hands fly to your ears at the loud sound, still not being able to catch your breath as every intake burned inside your chest. Your bloodshot eyes fall to your nightgown, seeing how much it is stained with that godawful substance and you wish for the floor to swallow you whole.

Your cries are so loud that you don’t even hear someone rushing in to your room, accompanied with another pairs of footsteps. The first person to come in to the room, immediately rushes to your trembling figure, momentarily stopping to look at the sight that now is permanently imprinted in your mind. You feel cold hands touching yours, flinching instantly away from them. You already know who it is, you don’t know how but you just do. Maybe because you feel such a weird sense of calmness wash over you but you are in such a state of shock that you couldn’t do anything other than jump away from the touch.

Hyunjin thought that by being one of the most powerful creatures on earth meant that there was simply nothing to be afraid of…till now — when he heard that sound. Till he heard that horrible sound of your scream…the way it sounded — so in pain, so scared, he immediately felt it too. He didn’t think twice, rushing to your room, so blinded by his own fear that he didn’t even see his family being right behind him, following him. When his eyes fell onto your curled up body, shaking like a leaf, he almost fell down on his own knees in despair. However the well known smell, made him for a second stumble upon the cause of all of this. His heart broke at the sight and also for you. He tried to calm you down but how? You don’t even want to look at him, scared that you will catch a glimpse of it again.

“No—no, I can’t, I can’t–“ Comes out of your lips as soon as his hands leave you. Your shaking hands press onto your eyes, slowly falling down to your knees, crunching up the fabric of your nightgown tightly but you could still see the blood.

Hyunjin glances back for a second at the bed, catching eyes with his equally horrified best friend who stood next to your bed before he also looks down at your body. Only by touching your hands, his own were completely covered in it and for the first time in a while he feels repulsed by the crimson. It gives you pain then why should it give him pleasure?

Your eyes flicker back to the canopy, only feeling more shocked and disgusted at the sight, you just have to be sure you’re not imagining all of this. This is so sick, who did this…why?

Hyunjin looks down again at his hands coated in blood and for a minute he wonders if any of it is yours but he would already know if yes because your blood simply smells different from any other. You aren’t injured physically but this imagine is grater and even more painful than any other. Someone must have done this with a purpose…hurt you. His eyes flash with anger, his priority was only you at this moment, every day, every night. Revenge can wait.

“Search the grounds.” Says Chan. Hyunjin didn’t acknowledge his presence at all till now and looking at him he realized, he wasn’t the only one in great anger. “Even the woods.” He adds, the men who followed their master in to your room nod before scrambling away.

A sob broke the silence, making Hyunjin look back at you. “It’s okay, love-“ He shushes you softly, putting his arms around your body, caging you but still not touching you, only hovering because you didn’t give him your permission.

Your cries die down a little, still hiccuping slightly as the panic slowly goes away. Shaking your head at his words, your eyes close as you tilt your head up. You go to take a breath through your nose but it is only clogged up because of your crying, making you breathe in with your lips. Your eyes open, finally looking at him. Your puffy and red eyes meet his azure and piercing ones. In a sense they calmed you a little as you thought of the ocean every time you would look into them.

Hyunjin’s heart broke even more at your gaze. He could see the pain, panic, sadness while also laced with sleepiness at the corners. How could someone do this to you…

His arms fall a little to his sides and you finally seem to register how close he is to you but you don’t pull away. You are safe now. “Let me help you clean up.”

You don’t give him a response and like he could read your mind, he knew that you weren’t against it. You don’t even know if you can stand up on your own. Your hands press onto the floor, trying to stand up on your shaking legs and before you could stumble even a little, he is already there. Like every time since the night you two met. His hands flew to grip your upper arms. His touch feels different from the past, still strong but now also gentle, like he is holding a piece of glass. You are not sure if it is because of the situation but it almost feels like his cold touch, could set your body on fire. You feel empty, traumatized and completely uselessness. The vampire helped you up, but it is more like he is standing and walking for you both. You have never felt so light in your life and it wasn’t just because of his strong arms, you felt — tired.

He leads you to the bathroom, closing the door slightly while walking you to the bathtub. You let out a small hiccup at his gentle touch, so careful, feeling completely undeserving of his attention at the moment. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry…” He doesn’t response, letting him push you on to the bath, making you sit down at the corner as he hold you in his arms a little longer. Your brain almost forgot about whatever happened outside this door as he rubs small circles on your skin. Your eyes were too scared to look into his, breath hitching as his thumb trails over the naked skin of your shoulder. Hyunjin also got a little lost in the moment before he looks down at your blood covered nightgown. That sight makes him snap back to his senses, hands leaving your body.

When he stepped out from your line of sight, your eyes fell to the mirror. Blood covered your neck, face, even your hair line and basically your whole upper body. You become sick to your stomach, remembering that this is the blood of an innocent animal. Looking at your hands you reminisced the way its soft skin felt on your skin, just a few hours ago. Now they only made you see the crimson that stained them.

As you look upon them, your view is blocked by a hand, traveling over your skin of your fingertips till it comes to softly hold yours. Hyunjin kneels down before you, holding your hand out for him to wipe off the blood from your skin. He was so soft, it almost felt like your skin was being kissed by a whiff of cold wind. His cold touch calms down your racing heart and you almost want to grumble in protest as he keeps his touch at minimum. It felt so nice and jokingly cooling. However in some way you are thankful that he respects your boundaries.

“I can do it myself—“ You whispered, watching the towel slowly turning red while your skin is finally being able to breathe again.

“No.” He said, stubbornly, almost as he was mocking you but on his face was no smile whatsoever.

You watch him wash your hands with the towel, the water in the bucket where he dipped it in progressively getting darker. You are slightly mesmerized by how much bigger his hand is compared to yours. Yes, you do look at them quite often but seeing his long fingers wrapping around your wrist like that is a first. You become aware that you were still dressed in the same, a little see through nightgown and it makes you self conscious. Your other, now clean hand, comes to tug at the fabric so it isn’t so tight on your body. Watching the man before you, you let his hand linger on your wrist, fingers pressing into your pulse.

He could feel how much your heart is racing, but it is not like he couldn’t hear it with his own ears as well as the pulsing blood underneath your skin. Hyunjin went to wring out the towel, turning back to you with his back now straight. Your breath hitched slightly, timidly lowering your gaze. Even if he was the one kneeling he has the power here. How wrong you were…

Fingers, like a feather touching your chin made you look back at the man. The hand on your nightgown formed into fist for a moment as he now washes away the pain from your features. He still holds your chin between his fingers as he wipes the blood, sweat and tears. The embarrassing noise you almost let out, gets stuck in your throat as you look up at him. How can someone look so good from this angle? His concentrated gaze made you feel timid, so many thoughts suddenly running through your head and ones that made you lower your gaze.

Your lips release a choke breath. At the same moment you look away from him, reality hits you yet again. You can still remember the horrible sight you saw just moments ago. “I don’t understand what happened…why would someone do this —“

He sighed at your confused, saddened tone, lifting your chin higher slightly to meet your eyes and suddenly you forgot you were even angry at him yesterday’s night. Whatever happened yesterday was so silly and so stupid, you really don’t understand yourself sometimes. He was so kind to you, even with his nature, he would never hurt you or wouldn’t even want to see you get hurt...Why are your eyes suddenly wide open? You feel horrible that this — what happened made you realize how stupid and ungrateful you were. You just don’t now what to do…so you rather do nothing or just push further and further away.

Your eyes unwillingly welled up with tears, falling down your cheeks freely and poolling in to his hand. “Poor animal, oh my god was it yours — the horse.” The words fall out of your mouth, sniffling at your own words. When you looked at him, he didn’t quite meet your eye and for the first time you could see how much heartbroken he truly was. “I’m so sorry…”

He suddenly looks back at you, his other hand still tracing the towel your tear stained face. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for…I should be the one apologizing.” Hyunjin whispers the last words, his hands falling to his side before going to grip the bathtub you are sitting on.

You immediately understood what he is implying, it is not like you weren’t thinking about it earlier. “No.” You whisper back, trying to meet his eyes but his are set on the marble floor. “I am sorry.” For everything…you wanted to say. You wanted to say sorry for being so detached.

He shakes his head at your words, a short dry laugh falling from his lips. His hands on each side of you caged you under his glare but it wasn’t an unwelcome one, he looked saddened just as you were about all of this. “Someone did this to you — without me knowing even a single thing…” He sneers but his voice becomes little as he looks at your leg briefly where your mark, bruise, he left on you would be. It burned under his gaze. “No one knows a thing and they could have hurt you. I would never forgive myself for that…” His voice almost cracks at the end, recalling what he did yesterday, feeling like he is no better than the person who did this.

His broken tone rings in the air but only a single move it took to change the whole atmosphere of the room. As Hyunjin looked up at you, his hands gripped the edge of the bath so tightly, you could hear the stone cracking under his palms. You corner almost at the wild look in his azure eyes that are now just a flicker more red than usual. “I will find whoever did this and I promise you, I’ll kill them for you.” He says, lip curling up, giving you a small glimpse of his sharp teeth.

Your heart starts to beat even faster with his words and before you could stop yourself, your hand flew to his. Your hand grabbed his, scared that he would break the bathtub with his unhuman strength. His eyes cleared the moment your warm skin touches his freezing one. Both of you glance at each other in shock and just as quickly as you touched him, you pull away.

Your eyes look at your own hands in disbelief as he look at his in amazement. How are you so warm? Hand so smooth and warm that he wondered how it would feel like to have it back on his skin. What you did, in some way feels different from any other touches you have shared before. It felt intimate, just the split of second giving away such a raw emotion in which he now wants to drown in. He tried to say something but words some times are not enough nor necessary. At least your said precious skin isn’t covered in blood anymore but the big stain on your nightgown is still a big give away of what happened.

Hyunjin then stands up without a word, throwing the towel away before stopping to look through the slightly open door. His heart sank as he gazed back into the bedroom, just as his friend was being removed from the canopy of your bed. How come someone was able to sneak in and do this without anyone hearing even a thing? He knows better. This doesn’t feel like an attempt to kill you — his dead heart seems to skip a beat under this awful thought. This was a sign of a warning.

“From now on, you will be with me. I want you by my side.”

You said nothing, because there is no point in arguing and also you liked his idea better than being in here alone. You can’t stand the thought of ever sleeping in that bed ever again and the once beautiful, comfy sheets made your stomach flip. You again turn to look at yourself in the mirror opposite to you, grimacing at the image. Your messy bed hair was sticking to your skin, eyes and lips puffy with your nose runny from the crying, you can’t understand for a moment, how his appeal could be even possible.

Standing up, you again unstick the material of your nightgown from your skin. It felt uncomfortable, not to mention you felt dirty and the way he could probably see the outline of your body didn’t make you pleased. You go around the tub, just where he stood but before he could let you walk pass him, he stops you.

You stumble slightly when he suddenly turn around, blocking your way with his towering body. You look up at him, shakily breathing through your nose as he glared into your eyes. “Don’t look.” He probably meant whatever was happening inside the room right now and you would definitely feel better of not knowing. It wasn’t like you would want to look anywhere else beside his alluring eyes.

You both take the time to look at each other’s features. You marvel over his perfect pale skin that almost seemed translucent as you could see the veins under the thin layer of skin. It felt like you were seeing him in a completely different light. You also wondered if he was enchanted with you as much as you were with him but that didn’t seem right in your head. Maybe if you were clean and would be wearing something nicer…you suddenly want him to see you in the best version of yourself. He literally has only seen the bad and the worse. Where did this come from?

You listen to the noises just outside the room, they however felt like miles away as he grazed his hand over your left shoulder. Hyunjin was experimenting, trying to see if you would feel repulsed by his touch but you didn’t even flinch. Your heart skipped a beat slightly and from what he could hear it wasn’t in a bad way. His hand, completely now on your shoulder, fingers extending that his index finger almost reached your collarbone, trailed down the length of your arm. His hand awakened goosebumps all over your body, the simple touch made you feel so embarrassed as it was so exciting to your untouched skin. His hand stopped at your wrist, short familiarity spiking through you as he left it there.

Who was more nervous? You or Hyunjin? He would like to say that it was him. His hand tightened its hold, still careful not to hurt you…like he did before. Hyunjin throws the thoughts away, trying to enjoy the fact that you are willingly letting him touch you. He has a hard time to look into your big curious eyes, his own glancing at your hand that clunched the fabric of your nightgown closer to your chest.

He quickly looks away, turning around still holding you and finally walking out of the bathroom together. Your eyes were deadly set onto the floor but you couldn’t miss the fact that he purposely blocked the sight of the bed with his body. Though you are still looking at his hand around your wrist. What if he would be holding your hand instead? Maybe interlock your fingers together? That was probably too much and so early for either of you to handle.

When you step outside the bedroom, you feel like, you can finally breathe. Your eyes flicker to the man who is still holding you to the other people passing by you. They walk by you with heavy, fast steps and as you turned around, some of them would stop at your bedroom or continue their path further. So many people, men and women of all ages. It looked unnatural as because you were so used to being alone in this place. Or maybe they already did walk passed you like this, maybe your eyes just weren’t opened till now.

You jump slightly every time your feet would land on the freezing floor, missing the carpets. You glance down, grimacing because you see blood seeping through the carpet, there was no way you could miss it, even on the dark colors of the material. Hyunjin seems to feel your shift, even if if your emotions were all over the place. He could read people just by the smallest difference in the beat of their heart. Well, sometimes when it comes to you. He looked back at you, eyes traveling to the direction you were looking. Such an attention to detail, even he didn’t notice it. His head was just too occupied at this moment.

Confused you glance at him as he took few steps before you, finding his back turned to you but that wasn’t the thing that made you so confused. It was his irregular steps. He looked like he was dancing and soon you realized what he was doing. He was making a path for you to follow so you wouldn’t step in any of the dirty spots on the carpet. You wanted to thank him but words were not necessary at the moment. However, you, nervously, squeezed his finger that was resting inside your palm and he in responded squeezed your wrist back. How can he know you so well when you speak so little?

He lead you further into the house, the furtherest you have ever been so far. You both passed by the big staircase, going right into the direction where you haven’t been before. The hallway at this side of the house wasn’t almost lit at all, some candles though keep you from stumbling in the dark. The air also was colder but not too uncomfortable, maybe because you’re getting used to it. Hyunjin stops almost at the end of the corridor. Right before slightly open door, turning to you to let you in the room first.

Before you step inside, you glance into the room where the welcoming soft hue of orange was coming from. As you took small step inside, Hyunjin for some reason thought that your small uncertainty in your steps meant you’re suddenly uncomfortable with the hold he has you in. He released you at that, fingers twitching as he could still feel the small electricity at his fingertips. When your hand falls unexpectedly to your side, you turn in confusion at your company who without even a glance walks past you into the room. You don’t want to question his behavior anymore, it seems like these mood swings of his are a normal occurrence, so you just follow him inside.

This room was even bigger than yours. Ceilings even higher, decor even more dramatic and everything just so more monumental. You two however weren’t alone in the room as some maids kept running all over the place and are thankful for their presence at the moment. Your eyes flicker to the bookshelfs, lining the walls, to the small table rounded by a couch and some chairs, to another door, probably leading to a bathroom, till they stop at the big bed. Because of the candles that the maids are trying so hard to light up, you could at least get a glimpse of the room like this. Your eyes travel over to him, standing before you, watching you, before you had to again avert your gaze somewhere else, right back to the bed where you can tell how the sheets were unmade.

“Is this your bedroom?” You wondered out loud but you already knew the answer as you glance timidly back to him.

“Yes.” He said.

You hate this when you realized this is the first time you have been in man’s bedroom like this. You simply nod at his agreement, trying to ignore your own thoughts by looking more around his room, finding even more new things to marvel about because of the lit candles. You could see the small streeks of light, coming from the top of the heavy curtains as well as some papers on one of the tables in the room. You again remembered what happened just moments ago. It was so quick, all of this. From the sight to his kind words, touch and now this. He must’ve just woken up as you turn to look at his clothes. They were still the same clothes that he wore last night, another reminder that all of this happened so quickly. You don’t know, if it’s the fact that you don’t have a life to begin with but everything that happened made you so tired but you can’t even think of sleeping again.

Two women passed by you, watching them put something on the bed. The sparkling fabric winked at you and you immediately realize that those are the dresses that were given to you. You look away, however he is already watching your every move, noticing the small look of wonder on your face.

“I haven’t seen you wearing any of the dresses I gave you.” Hyunjin said, turning his back to you slightly as he leans over his bed to pick at the fabric of one of those dresses. “You don’t like them?” He almost sounded hurt.

You knew that he was just playing with you. “I didn’t know they were for me.” You respond, cringing how stupid it sounded. Who did you play dumb for?

He however wasn’t offended by your lie at all. “I wish to see you in them, but of course only if you want yourself.” The vampire added quickly, not to sound too controlling. “It is not wrong to enjoy these gifts I give you.”

To be fair, you can’t lie that there wasn’t a single moment when you almost picked out one of them, to maybe even just feel the fabric between your fingers but dressing up was the last thing on your mind right now. You are still shaken, confused and traumatized, you kind of wished that all of this was just a dream. He knew that even if it didn’t seem like it. He completely understands how you are feeling right now, he is only trying to keep your mind off it.

Hyunjin panics a little as your heart didn’t calm down, still fast, your lips sat into a thin line. “Would you like a bath?” He asked, more like himself as you finally glance back at him at his words. “You would want to yes…” He thought, almost frantically.

Your eyes flicker down at your nightgown again and at the big stain on the front of it. “Yes…but you can clean up first.” You say, looking at his bloodied shirt, he following your statement by also looking at himself, like he only now realized.

“Don’t worry about me, blood has never bothered me.” He waved you off. Till, he saw it being the cause of your pain.

You frown. “Pobably but it is still from your—“ You stopped yourself before even thinking to continue. His face turns into sorrow for a second at the mention of his beloved, now deceased animal. “I’m sorry.”

You look around the room again, trying to escape the conversation. The beautiful decorations kept your mind occupied, eyes traveling to the little angels at each corner of the room. Under the dim light they almost looked haunting. His canopy looked even more magnificent and monumental than yours, if that was even possible and definitely less bloody...The colors of the bed however were still the same as yours, the sheets unmade, duvet almost on the floor.

“Aren’t you tired?” You spoke up again, eyes plastered on the bed. When you were met with silence you glance back, him expressing a small confusion on his features. “Like it’s morning.”

“Vampires don’t get tired but yes, sometimes we need sleep to regain our strength but I don’t think I can sleep, knowing you are now in danger.”

“It is alright, you can-“

“No, it’s not!” He raised his voice, the sheer loudness making you tremble as well as the other people in the room who momentarily stopped everything they were doing just to look at him. It was like he himself got shocked by his own reaction but to him it was the only right one. He doesn’t understand how you are somehow so unaffected about this. Yes, you are still slightly shaking but it seem like this is taking a bigger role on him than you. “Someone was in your room, someone got inside without anyone knowing and left a message that for sure wasn’t a felicitation of me courting you.”

You ignore the fact that he basically said you two were to be wed or something like that, because you only realize by his words that he is right. You’re in danger and without even a single clue who the enemy is, but you know that it must be someone powerful as they got away with this so easily. “But I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt me — I’m no one.” You mean it. You’re a human with one friend, no enemies that you know of and you have a normal, quiet life — till now.

Hyunjin can’t help the small anger rising in his chest from your words, shaking his head in disbelief that you would even think something like that. “You’re not no one, not only for me but also for others.” That made your heart skip a beat and from the way his voice was radiating sincerity. “Someone knows who you are and that leaves you in a dangerous situation…In my long life, I have never feared the enemies, I made along the way, till now.”

You go silent, only sighing deeply from his confession. He really does now how to use his words to make you go insane in the head. You can’t help but feel slightly giddy inside because of the way he always speaks to you, so kindly and passionately, in way that you have only read in books and wondered — just wondered if anyone like this truly exist. You do not know him that well but you can’t imagine him having any enemies at all...maybe his charms didn’t work all the time.

Yawning, you quickly put your hand over your mouth, silencing that embarrassing sound but it only made Hyunjin’s frown deeper. “You can go to sleep…you’re safe now.” He doesn’t think that there will be even a second of not him listening to your beating heart. The possibility of there being a scenario where he wouldn’t be able to, made him scared…he is scared.

You do feel how your eyes are getting droopy, your legs becoming soft but the thought of sleeping after all of these events really wasn’t possible. “I don’t think I can–“ You sigh in small exhaustion. However your body is telling you a whole different story and he could see it. The thing that happened just moments ago, made you truly awake, it made your eyes wide open, for the first time since you got here. Or maybe since you met him?

You started to see different colors, ones that finally made you feel alive. Like you were born again, in some sense. But was it really necessary for a sweet, innocent animal to get hurt for this? It also could have been you... The thought of some stranger creeping up on you while sleeping, you completely unaware and the person choosing to give a message like this instead of not simply killing you, made you fear even more. “—I’m still sorry for your horse…” You say again, you just can’t help but feel a little bit responsible for this.

Hyunjin has to keep calm, emotions too much for his cold heart to bear. “Like I said, it wasn’t your fault…the most important thing is that you are alright.”

Yes, of course. That was the most important thing…

But you do not in fact feel alright. You have just seen the most gruesome image, you have ever seen. It is all your fault. You do not want to be alone. You want to stay with him — he now makes you feel safe. How could you be so heartless and cold towards him? Was it just your defense mechanism with everything that brings you happiness? Finally being seen, made you frightened as there was also someone or something that saw you. It was in your room, the only goal in their mind to scare you…away?

Set of footsteps echo behind you, stopping just at the threshold of the room. You had to focus your eyes on this new face you haven’t seen before. The young man’s skin, shined in the dimly lit room, eyes reflecting like the eyes of a wild animal. He looked so young, hair longer blonde and eyes striking you with their intensity. He momentarily looked at your figure but his full attention was however on the vampire behind you. They stared at each other, the blonde giving a look which you couldn’t quite understand but Hyunjin certainly did.

You feel him right at your back, cold from his skin so close to yours. Turning around, you glance between him and the young man. His close proximity didn’t startle you that much as he with a deep inhale, backs away from you himself. “I have to go now…” He looks down at you with his blue eyes, searching for forgiveness. You don’t want to be alone…for the first time, you really need his company in some way and even if he didn’t like his nonpresence as much as himself, he needs to do at least something about this situation you’re now in. He could see your small frown, you are trying to hide but there is a hint of understanding which he is thankful for.

He takes a step closer to you but stops midway with his lips parted. Whatever there was that he wanted to say, was replaced by other words, you could see the true words reflecting in his eyes. “If you need anything, just go down to the end of the of the corridor, I will be there.”

The tension could be cut with knife, aware of the audience you two still have, you simply nod in understanding, wrapping your arms around yourself as to form some sort of barrier between you and him. Why does he have to look at you like that? Like he could see right through you or maybe trying to, flickering his vibrant eyes all over you.

Your lips also parted but you close them again as he walks past you in a sense of hurry and you didn’t even know it was because he almost decided to stay here with you…

────

And in fact, sleep didn’t find you after all. Every time you would close your eyes, you would see the gruesome picture, the sad and grey eyes staring right at you, the blood…The bed you are laying in is still cold, the heavy duvet couldn’t give you the warmth you were searching for. You desperately need someone, just to comfort you. You have never felt so scared and paranoid. Your eyes would travel all around the room, till you memorized every detail in the dimly lighted room. You didn’t let anybody blow even a single candle off because the thought of being in the dark, made your skin crawl.

The only thing which weirdly seem to comfort you were the sheets. The spicy, sweet scent lingering in them filling your nose till it helped your body to relax. You tried to ignore the fact that the sheets smelled like him. It is only because he is powerful enough to protect you, his scent wrapped around you like an embrace you still desperately need. Protect you? He even said himself that he failed to do that…Someone really tried to — or maybe at least considered to kill you. You…such a bizarre, scary, yet now true and realistic thing. And it is because of him, the man who still scares you.

You can’t really choose sides because you can see who the real enemy is. You can’t keep telling yourself that he is the one who is going to hurt you. You have to believe that he wouldn’t do that, turn into his instincts and just sucking you dry of your life. Maybe he is just a normal man trapped in his own body…

There is probably no way of going out of this now, you fear you don’t have any other choice. You just want to close your eyes and wake up. Wake up from this nightmare. You hate how you have no idea what do to. You, till now had all the control over your life as it was simple and you were basically the only person in it. You, now have to rely on him, trust him to protect you. Trust him that he will not change his mind with you.

You can’t stand a second alone anymore. The creaks of the old wood made you jump every time, your skin around your nails was already raw from your picking and you could feel the lump in your throat slowly suffocating you. You don’t want to be alone anymore, even if it means that he would be the one to safe you from this prison. You just need a small walk and not think about anything. Maybe find something to eat, since you still haven’t eaten anything, even if the thought of food made you sick to your stomach.

You clinched onto the silky skirt of your nightgown, not even caring about the cold floor under your feet. Your skin was clean but the memory still lingered as well as also the metallic smell under your nose. The black fabric trailed behind you as you make your way out of the bedroom. You simply picked the silky, long, black nightgown because it didn’t remind of that one stained in sin.

This side of the mansion was unusually cold. You wondered if it is because of the death living in these walls. Everything however other than the cold, seemed more used and alive. There were roses at every piece of furniture, the carpet which you were standing on, had in some places its color faded and even the wooden floors were scratched, probably from shoes. It all shined with such light, you haven’t seen before.

You walked further and further, till you had to turn around to look at the end of the hallway to a door. It seemed to call to you, maybe that is were he was hiding but as you reached the railing of the big staircase, you were proven otherwise.

Your hand wrapped around the polished wood of the staircase when you felt it. Him, his presence stabbing you into your back. “Where are you going?” You gasp, turning swiftly, with your eyes wide.

Maybe he should stop doing that. Maybe his quiet movements and talent to always creep up on you, just comes with his nature but you probably will never get used to it. His sudden appearance made goosebumps rise all over your body, looking at him with your lips parted. He looked in some way different...His hair was tussled, eyes piercing and weirdly wide as he stared down at your body clad in the black nightgown with an unnatural expression who think you have seen before — but you just can’t place it. His lips were red and plump, almost like just bit into a cherry. He looked…yes, different that is the word. “Nowhere…” Is your simply answer as you tighten your grip on the railing, not being able to meet his eyes. Why don’t you tell the truth? You are not sneaking out or anything but just this sudden difference in his appearance, made you quiver and lost don’t words.

He looks disappointed at your lack of answer. He licks his lips when he took a step closer to you and you couldn’t help but to follow that movement. Was it the smell of him from the sheets still lingering on you or was it coming from him? It burns your nose in an awfully pleasant way, your head almost starts to hurt from it. It wrapped around you, just the way you need, but he didn’t seem to notice your disorientation that much as he himself seems to be quite lost.

“I told you to stay in my bedroom.”

You frown at that. There’s no reason for you to be in his room the whole time, seeing that you are still being watched and he only just proved your point by showing up. Like he said, you’re safe now, at least from the person who did that horrible thing. In fact, you'd rather be doing something other than lying in bed, just wondering. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is a lot. Finally you want to do something in this still unfamiliar place. For once, you want to do something to keep your mind occupied, so you wouldn’t again drown in your own thoughts and secondly you just don’t think it is that big of a deal that you’re outside his bedroom. There are probably many people looking after you and you’re thankful for that but he seems like he doesn’t trust them, you — to take care of yourself. Maybe you’re a human but you still have free will in this house.

“Till what?” You say, back leaning on the staircase. “I just want something to eat.” You trail off, almost like a little kind after being scolded.

“And I told you to call me if you need something–“

“I can still walk and do things myself…I’m fine.” You, so badly wanted to roll your eyes and maybe not really in annoyance. He came again closer to you and you almost shiver at the smell radiating from him. Why is it so addicting? What is he doing to you?

His stops right in front of you, making you look up into his glaring eyes. Even if his build was quite thin, he radiated power that made you want to curl up into a ball. “You’re taking all of this too lightly.” Hyunjin leans over you, your eyes completely captivated by his and the red hue they held.

“And you too…” You don’t want to say that you got lost in his eyes. Also you don’t know how to feel about someone like him being so concerned about your well being but you think he is just a little exaggerating. It happened to you, not him. You really should feel more scared and you think you even do but all of your fright seem to vanish when he is present. Again, is it only because you know him well enough now that you know, he won’t hurt you or is it only because there is someone showing you who the real danger is? Do you really trust him? Maybe but you do not trust these feelings you are starting to feel when you are with him. When he is away, you always think of him differently than when he is with you…you’re totally screwed.

Hyunjin looks you over, listening closely to your heart. It was steady, you were too calm for his liking. Just few hours ago, you were shaking and now you’re almost completely calm. “You are telling me that this doesn’t concern you?” He questioned you, trying to search in your eyes for answers as they were completely unmoving from his. “Well, it certainly does concern me.”

“That’s good for you.” Comes out of your mouth, wishing silently to not be having this conversation any longer. You suddenly feel embarrassed as you realize how you are acting. The sweet smell turned sorrow the more his frown deepened and also your own expression. Why are you acting like this? You’re a grown woman and you shouldn’t be acting like this. You don’t know if he truly noticed what you were doing but you wished for the ground to swallow you whole.

With a shaky inhale you turn your body to possibly go around him but he saw your move of getting away from him miles away. His arm blocked your way, hand grabbing the railing so close to yours, you again almost shivered as his other also caged you in. You can’t look at him now. You knew you would only embarrassed yourself further. Could he sense your desperation? Maybe this thing — the smell was playing with your head or made you do feel this way about him but you were certain that if you would look at him, you would lost the silent battle between you two.

“Just let me go.” You say, voice soft and quiet but he could hear you clearly as well as your pounding heart.

Your head is leveled with his upper chest but your eyes are set on his hand next you, gripping the railing so tightly, like he is holding the last bit of his sanity left in him. It is only to ignore his breath fanning over you but you just become more aware of his close presence. You could feel his cold breath moving your hair as he leans over your frozen body. “No.”

Your eyes look into his direction, stopping at his chest softly raising and falling and his alabaster skin, peaking out of his slightly unbuttoned shirt. “Let me go, Hyunjin.” You are now pleading because you really do feel like fainting from this rollercoaster of emotions, you’re now experiencing.

Your words may have meant a little more than either of you would like to admit. He looks down at you with such softness that he is only confident in when you are not fully seeing it. “How can you? How can you be so calm? Are you not scared that somebody tried to hurt you?” He says, hair around your forehead being swept away from his breath.

You finally look at him, pointedly. “It is not like it would be the the first time…”

Were you only this mean to see what he would do? See how much it would take for him to see that maybe you’re not the right person for him. Everything that happened was only because of someone else. And he in fact finally sees you, even more than you thought he would as he steps away from you with his eyes flashing with anger. Or maybe he is just seeing what you've been trying to achieve all along. Trying to throw away any responsibility as your form of self protection. Because your life gave you everyday the same things and when finally something new happens to you, you are too scared to do anything about it.

Maybe you were being too harsh with your words as you look upon him. As soon as he backed away from you, he comes even closer. Way closer. You become wide eyed from how fast, he pinned you up against the railing. “Listen to me, you will stay in your room till I say otherwise, I can’t compel you but I sure will convince you.” The stairs digged painfully into your back and not from you trying to get away from him, he is actually the one pressing you into it.

You breathe out as you can feel your chests up against each other and you flush at the feeling more as you realized there weren’t that many layers separating you. “You c-can’t…” You can’t talk properly as he is basically suffocating you.

He tilts his head a little at your words. “Can’t what?” Hyunjin repeats, tilting his head down at your level to maybe catch your eye fully. “You’re really testing my patience, love. I don’t want to be like this…I don’t want to make you fear me but you’re so…insufferable.”

Please, stop saying that. You do know how you are acting and that it is bad. No person deserves this and you do know what it feels like. You are becoming the very person you hate. “Hyunjin….I am so sorry — I am just so scared.” You’re scared of everything. Manly from these feelings bubbling inside your chest, not even the person that wants to hurt you, scares you more. You promise yourself to not feel this emotions again, it just never works out in your favor. You glance at him, eyes filled with sorrow that his own seemed to completely mimic. “I just don’t want to think about all of this. Everything is still so new and now this?” You look around, hating yourself for the burning in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore…what to feel anymore —”

His hand travels from the railing closer to your own, tips of his fingers touching your burning skin. You look down at his hand, lingering again so close to yours before looking up at him with big eyes. “Then let me…let me be you, I will protect you but you just have to let me in….” He says, whispering those words to you.

Your heart flutters at his words. Does he really mean it? If yes, would you even be able to give in fully? You can’t say that you don’t want to. His eyes look into yours with such softness, you wondered if those are really the same eyes you saw the first night you two met. You could see him, through those red irises you saw someone. His true self. He also could see the small girl peaking from behind the beautiful color of your eyes, a small girl who searched her whole life for a purpose and love. He wants to think he is what you have been searching for. He enjoys these moments of complete silence. Your voice is so warm and soothing but sometimes these silent moments gave more than words. Hyunjin could look at you freely. From your eyebrows to your eyes that showed him wrinkles of smiles and tears they have been through, to your nose that you sometimes like to stick somewhere you shouldn’t and then your lips. You do notice that.

You let him, as you are also letting your own eyes fall onto his own but the usual admiration you had for them vanished. From the conversation you had before you didn’t notice the small smudge of red at the corner of his mouth. You knew what it was, you knew what he was, so this should be normal, even for you but you today find yourself absolutely dispising this color. You turn your head away from him and he at the loosen his grip on the railing.

You don’t want to think about what happened, you don’t meet his lingering stare. You knew it would only give away your feelings for him, you wouldn’t be able to hide them. He steps away from you, still however keeping close to you but you could atleast breathe now. You look up at him then after few moments of just trying to calm yourself down, eyes falling immediately on the same spot as before, at his lips.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Huh?” You let out dumbly, momentarily looking at his eyes which held a teasing flicker. “–something?”

His lips curl up at one corner, exactly the one where the smear is. “Well, you will have to tell me more if you want something, angel.”

Can he stop with these nicknames already? Nobody called you that before and it made an unfamiliar feeling rise in your chest. You could feel your face burning and you knew he could tell. You frown at that, embarrassed. “Stop it” You mumbled to yourself but it was in some way mainly meant for him and you don’t immediately realize he could still hear you.

“Stop what?” He asks, confused but you knew with the look on his face that he is teasing you.

You sigh. “Nothing…” Playing along and to safe yourself from further embarrassment, you start to play with the skirt of your nightgown. “…whatever there is available.”

You starts again fidgeting in his presence but this was totally normal now it seams. You really do become aware of how much you can’t speak freely to new people, so used to the small circle you had. Oh, how you missed them but you do think that if Mia knew at least with who you’re spending your time with, she would be absolutely delighted for you. You dream about having at least enough confidence to speak without any fear of how the others would perceive you but on the other hand, you really didn’t think twice before talking. Like now.

His lips which had your full attention parted to maybe again say something teasing in his sultry voice of his but your thoughts were already flying from your mouth before he could even get a sound out. “Why is there blood on your mouth?”

There is silence after that, watching how the warmness in his eyes slightly dimmed. You’re always asking such questions — you do know why. It was just a small thought that you should have kept to yourself. He looked at you with a small pointed look, not knowing how to answer because it was so obvious. Yes, it truly was. However your mind sometimes likes to blur the fact that he really feeds from blood and blood only. Such a fairytale — perhaps nightmare he is, you still can’t wrap your head around it.

His eyes linger on yours while he swipes the blood from his lips with his thumb, his movements little too slow to not be intentional. The fact he then wraps his plump lips around the digit is definitely on purpose. Your own parted into a silent gasp, feeling your heart, hammering against your chest from his actions.

You think that maybe he was going to say something again or take a challenging step closer to you but your little moment was interrupted by a set of quick footsteps with heavy breathing. You both turn to your left to see a young woman, coming from the hallway, stopping for a second as she jumps at your appearance. Your eyes travel from her scared eyes to her clothes, giving you a clue that she is one of the maids in this home but you definitely couldn’t look away from the blood coating her hand which was pressed into her neck.

Your heart broke a little as you connected the dots, flickering your gaze to Hyunjin. The woman thankfully didn’t stay for too long as she quickly disappeared from your sight. You do still look into her direction because you can’t look at him again. Maybe you are just exaggerating but to you this is a big deal. You don’t know if feeding from someone means anything to them — him but to you it does. Piercing someone’s skin with your teeth to drink blood which was your source of pleasure…It is no one of your business if he is with other women — or is it?

You could feel your face unwillingly scrunch up into a frown, you can’t hide that you are upset and somehow disgusted by this anymore. Hyunjin stiffened, the thick silence even for him too much to bare, tilting his head to meet your eyes and maybe make you see how sorry he truly is for you to see him like this, again. However you simply turn away more from him. Somehow he understands your reaction but he is not so sure why you would take it so deeply. It is a normal thing for him. He needs to feed after all, just under these different circumstances.

He calls out to you but you ignore him, pressing your lips into a thin line to appear, somewhat not too affected. Your lack of reaction makes him feel small — thinking carefully about the right words, so as not to make you even more upset or scare you more away from him. If you’re taking this so seriously so shall he. He didn’t even think twice about such thing but he has to keep in mind that you’re still new to this. “You must understand that I have to feed.” He says, sighing at your frown that you are trying to make as little as possible. “It means nothing—“

You look up, puzzled little with yourself. One side is telling you that this is alright and nothing is wrong with it but your other side is telling you the complete opposite. He wishes to be with you but does something like this? Something so intimate? You feel your own skin tingling at the thought of his teeth piercing your own very skin. Jealousy strikes you in the back of your head, showing you exactly why you so despised this. You don’t know for sure, if you want to be the one to give him blood but you for sure don’t like anyone else doing it. Is it so normalized to bite someone into their most sensitive places and drink from them? He looks unsure of what to do next as you only look at his face with emotionless expression but like he said — your eyes always gave you away.

“If you want this to work…I want you to stop feeding — atleast like this.” Maybe you don’t mind him feeding from someone but just not there…that only should be for you only. “It maybe doesn’t mean anything to you but it does to me. I know, I shouldn’t be asking you this, how to feed but to me it feels…intimate.” And erotic, you wanted to say but even this simply word, was somehow hard enough to get out of your mouth under his watchful eyes. Hyunjin stays silent a little more and not like you, he seems to think over his words.

“Alright…” He answered you, before his face falls so quickly into a frown that you almost missed it, but it wasn’t from your disagreement with his diet. It was simply because of the way you sounded out the words. “–are you saying, you want me to feed off you only?”

You should’ve known better, of course he just asked you that as it wasn’t already so obvious from your confession. Your hand flies to your chest, pressing your palm slightly where your heart starts to beat a little faster, your eyes big and eyebrows furrowed. “I-I…don’t know.” It really is quite a unique question to be asked, but you do ignore the fact that you already know the answer.

He blinks at your weak tone, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You say that a lot, but I know, you do know, Y/N…” He said, waiting a little before continuing, maybe to see if you would say something more, but you only look at him through your pretty lashes. He sighs at your expression, before tilting his head down. “I will stop feeding in the sense of biting.” You meant that you don’t want him to bite someone in their neck, but you are pleasantly surprised by his answer, so you stay quiet. “Now, I’ll bring you something to eat, it will be waiting for you on the table outside of our room.” You shutter embarrassingly at that one specific word, coughing, to mask your shocked reaction. He didn’t make a move that indicated that he just heard your embarrassing noise of shock, but in his head he was smiling big. You thought that this conversation would still go on but you’re happy with how it ended. At least you’re not fully at each other’s throats. Huh, funny…

You are now the one with your lips left apart, words swirling in your head as he passed by you, his hand grazing so close to yours which was placed on the corner of the railing when he started to ascend down the stairs. Your nose is yet again, hit with his smell, wrapping around you like a duvet of the embrace you so needed. Watching him walk away from you, though didn’t feel like the other times and only after he disappeared from your line of sight, you walked back to yours and his bedroom.

────

It is been a long day, such a long day for you to just again drown in your thoughts. You didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day, simply spending your time on one of the couches, reading. The words however as the day slowly turned into night started to blur. From your exhaustion and also from the realization of the situation that will soon have to be dealt with. You look at the bed with a blank expression, because there couldn’t be a face for you to express with all the emotions you were experiencing.

As the sun set, you finally decided to open the heavy curtains, blocking, till now, your view of the outside. You could have opened them sooner, but you didn't want to risk him getting caught in the sunlight — however, he didn’t come. You looked out the window, till you saw the sun disappear and the moon appear. Every day that passed by was so slow to you, but by that time the nature had time to bloom into its beauty. Everything started to get greener, more vivid — was the earth always this colorful? The warm, orange light tickle your skin that you almost felt like one of those creatures as because you got so used to the darkness. But you did start to see its own beauty — Hyunjin came late that night as expected and sleep didn’t creep up on you, till he arrived. Perhaps you were concern, but you don’t want to say that…

You were already in bed, body tucked under the heavy duvet and eyes closed, but you could tell that he knew, you were awake. He just simply chose to not say anything, maybe not to disturb you in your peaceful state, but inside you were shaking. He went to the bathroom and at that you were again thinking about how you two will share the same bed…

You have never shared a bed with a man before, even like this — you haven’t even been to a man’s bedroom till now! Was it fright that made your heart beat so fast? You know, he wouldn’t do anything to you, but still….or maybe you were just nervous. And not in a bad way it seemed. Your fingers gripped onto the bed as the every passing second, he spend more in the bedroom, became even more unbearable for you.

You waited for him to come back. A long time at that and you didn’t have a single clue that his long stay in the bathroom, was simply because he was nervous too. He, spend his time simply looking at himself in the mirror, thinking about how to calm himself down. Who would have thought that he could even feel such an emotion? To him, the time that he spend inside the bathroom wasn’t long enough for him to find the right courage to come back into the room, but it was long enough for him to think back to the moment you two shared.

Drinking blood from someone, became for him a daily thing, a normal thing, like for you to drink and eat. Till you said that — was he always this blind? He never thought of drinking from someone this way, but he knew of course that for humans it was different. He did feel the pleasure, but for humans it was out of this world experience almost, but you didn’t know that…You only said that it seemed intimate and he is thankful that you don’t know the whole truth about how a vampire bite feels for a human…What were you doing to him? It is been a long time since he second guessed himself like that. He became more careful with his moves, since you arrived, but he can’t lie that he still is a little reckless sometimes and just does what his heart desires and acts on his instincts.

Time flew past quickly, yet so slowly, but you couldn’t fight the hazy state you are falling into any longer. Your eyes closed a long time ago, but now the deep frown on your face started to soften. You felt your body falling, melting almost into the sheets and your mind became so quiet and peaceful that you didn’t have the power to acknowledge the silent creek of the bathroom door.

His slow footsteps blend in with your heartbeat in your ear. The old floor creaking under his weight, was the only thing giving him away. You hear the last creak stop next to the bed, hair on the back of your neck standing up at that. You could feel his stare on the back of your head that peaked out of the soft duvet. Being so sleepy, you didn’t feel your heart pounding that much, but you do wait anxiously for his next move, eyes wide set on his silhouette dancing in the candle light on the wall.

You feel cold air of the room piercing your back as the duvet is slightly lifted off you. You realize at that you basically stole almost all of it and in some way, it made you embarrassed simply because it were his own sheets — and also your nose unconsciously kept digging into them, filling your lungs with his smell. You don’t feel much bad because you knew he didn’t need anything to cover himself with. You wanted to give him more of it, but you only found yourself completely frozen as your whole senses heightened when you feel a dip in the bed.

The bed was big, but soft enough to feel how his whole body fell into it. When the only source of light is then blown away, you became highly aware of the body laying behind you. Was he watching you? Probably, like he always did. Your heart jumped a little as he rolled his body over and you just knew that he was facing your back.

His blue eyes watched your body and other than the small rising of your body when taking a breath, you were completely unmoving. He played with the edge of the duvet, that didn’t even cover a little of him. Pulling up the duvet, was a request for you to at least give him some, but as you didn’t even move an inch, he chose to sacrifice a night without it.

Few moments passed by and again you became sleepy, snuggling into the bed and missing another subtle shift of the body behind you. You don’t even feel him, leaning his upper body over yours. You don’t even feel the cold breath on your cheeks nor the cold radiating so close behind you.

He leaned over you, left hand keeping his upper body from falling onto yours. His other twitched in the air, just hovering over the length of your waist. He for a second couldn’t help but stare at your blissful state. From your red cheeks bitten by the cold, smushing almost together from your face being so snuggled into the pillow to your eyelashes fanning over your cheekbones, to your ruffled hair, creating a halo around you, till again his eyes fell onto your lips. They were puckered slightly, flushed just as your cheeks. You looked absolutely ethereal. He must say, he has seen you sleep before, but not from this angle nor this close. It was like seeing you from a complete different perspective — view of a lover, he wished to say.

But then, your so called blissful state was interrupted when you felt it — when you felt the weight of his arm around you, tugging you into him. Your eyes shoot open, heart almost jumping out of your chest, but you don’t immediately move away. You savor the feeling of him hugging you, the feeling of his body flush against yours. But as the coldness of his skin started to seep through the layers of clothes, duvet and then piercing through the warmth into you, you move away from him.

He didn’t hold you tightly nor forcefully as you jump to the edge of the bed quite easily. “I am sorry, I can’t…” You croaked, quietly into the darkness.

His head hanged low, already hating himself more from doing that, making you uncomfortable and just doing something without your permission. His nails teared through the material of the sheets as his eyes fell onto your still not turned body. “I understand.” He whispered back. He really does, but he thought that maybe, you could at least let him touch you like this, just hold you. “I will sleep somewhere else.”

You only nod a little, eyes still looking into the darkness before you. As he got out of the bed, the coldness left with him and you realize that it truly was completely different from the one in the room. You listen closely to his footsteps, before you hear a muffled huff as he fell probably onto the couch. You feel bad for him to be the one to leave his own bed, but there probably wouldn’t be even a room for you to talk otherwise. You lay back down fully after a minute, his presence still known to you and at that sense of calmness washed over you.

His eyes reflected in the dark as he watched you again from afar. He saw how your breaths after a moment became even, body completely sinking into his bed. Closing his own eyes, the soft thuds of your heart, filled his ears. And that melody accompanied by the pictures of every moment today with you kept his mind occupied, till he felt his own need of sleep come over him. At least he has something to dream about now.

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remembrancer-of-heresy · 6 months ago

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Living Dead

Summary: Before meeting the Emperor, Mortarion meets a girl who might love him. At least that's what he thinks.

Mortarion/fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Dark romance, gore/rot (a little bit), obssession, yandere.

Guys, it's all your fault. I wasn't a Mortarion fan before your fics.

Every day Barbarus defended their freedom. People were no longer afraid. They fought for lives against rotten tyrants. And every day Mortarion was getting closer to his goal. He led all these people with him. But he never felt at home. Didn't find a family. But at least he was “among his own”, and not locked with monsters in a poisonous stronghold.

The poison was a weapon, but also a reminder of the monsters' strenght. He used his power, but he hated it. His whole appearance resembled death. No wonder people avoided him even if he is a reason why they finally fight back. And then he met you.

You lived in one of the distant villages, which was often attacked by tyrants. On one of these days, your spouse was taken away for a play. And although he was able to escape, as Сalas Typhon had once done, he was unable to cope with the top layer of Barbarus. His skin was healing, he smelled of death, and poison oozed from open, rotten wounds. Living Dead.

But you continued to live with him. You accepted him as such a disgusting thing. You loved him.

Mortarion still could not understand how this was possible. He saw how hard it was for you, how often you hid from his eyes to cry out all the tears. How do you stop yourself from gagging at the smell? But you were still with him. You could, no, should have, renounced him. Continue to live and move on.

Nobody understood you. All the villagers said you were crazy. Mortarion's warriors pitied you, but thought you were too naive. As for Сalas, he looked after you for a long time. He said that you remind him of someone and that you're a good girl.

It's true, you were kind. Even too much. And Mortarion himself did not understand how he felt envy of the living corpse. "Father" did not love Mortarion, he did not care about him. His warriors may have respected him, but they were never equals.

And one day he began to wonder more and more often… will you also stroke his hair… hug him tenderly… wash his wounds and help him bathe… will you smile at him as if he is the most beautiful person you have ever seen. Will you kiss him like you kissed your husband?

Such strange thoughts. Insignificant, unimportant, vulgar. Completely out of character for him. Why is it important for him to know what you think about him? What could you do with him? Does he really need to feel affection that badly? To feel not just needed, but loved. He leads thousands of lives. But why does his heart beat so hard when he sees your gaze?

Alas, you are not a witch. The problem is not you. There's something wrong with him. You don't even belong to him. And all your attention is focused on your dying husband. But he won’t even be able to protect you when the lords come to your village. But Mortarion can. He is your true savior.

But everything goes away sooner or later. All the villagers only breathed a sigh of relief when your husband left this world. But not you. You're desperate. You're broken. All alone. There is no one else to give your goods to.

Mortarion himself didn’t notice how he put his hand on your shoulder. And he is so ashamed but so happy to see your haunted tearful gaze. You looked at your husband in the same way before enveloped him in your love.

- No need for tears. I'll take care of you.

He will.

#mortarion x reader #primarch x reader #primarch #x reader #warhammer 40k x reader

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realcube · 5 months ago

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the haikyuu brain rot is BACK in full swing omg and i just had another idea BYE

April… stop sending me shit -you… maybe. Jkjk. Anyway.

I’m Anemic and my hands and feet r always cold lol so the idea goes like this: <insert character here> is working/relaxing and then all of a sudden their anemic SO just like assults them with cold hands on their neck or like down their shirt? i think it’d be really funny. If you wanna do this idea u can pick the boys but Haikyuu (obviously bc we share a braincell and it’s almost always haikyuu) and Tendo has to be involved.

thanks for putting up with me 😍 -April

TENDO SATORI

♡ ok well the first challenge with tendo is actually trying to find him relaxed.. like ever

♡ mans in the embodiment of hyperactivity and hyperawareness

♡ he is the guess monster after all

♡ like the only time you'll ever find him unsuspecting and vulnerable is when he is asleep or trying to sleep

♡ thankfully wtih all the running about he does and all the adventures he takes you on, that is quite frequently

♡ oh and whenever you try to subject him to anything academic or mentally stimulating he falls asleep LMAO

♡ you're like "tendo i found this really good documentary we should watch. it's about climate change and it'll just say it's really interesting and educational because i don't wanna spoil too much. wanna watch with me?"

♡ "only if we can watch together!"

♡ you smile and grab the remote in order to put it on. "you're going to love it, i've heard from all my friends it's really informative. and i've seen trailers for it and they've got hundreds of environmental scientists that have been researching th— tendo?" you look back over at him to see him fast asleep and snoring

♡ BEFORE YOU EVEN PUT THE MOVIE ON

♡ as revenge for that level of disrespect of course you need to deploy your ultra secret weapon of mass destruction final attack: cold hands.

♡ you snake them under his shirt then suddenly press your hands firmly against his chest and he SCREAMS

♡ like his eyes shoot open and he yelps while jumping up from the couch

♡ all while you are just laughing your fecken ass off

♡ "(y/n)?! what was that?" he asks, despite the fact he knows exactly what it was because you've done this to him several times before

♡ "that's what you get for falling asleep after you said you'd watch a movie with me! how would you feel if i fell asleep during one of your volleyball games?"

♡ he rolls his eyes as he reluctantly sits back down on the couch, "that would hurt but that's different. you're actually watching me — your atheletic and impossibly hot boyfriend — play."

♡ you roll your eyes but he continues to explain himself, "but it's not like i'm watching you in this movie."

♡ "i am in this movie!" you argue, just for the fun of it.

♡ "really? who do you play?"

♡ "an icicle." you declare proudly.

♡ "are you sure you don't mean an iceberg— AH! STOP!"

♡ he screams while you chase him around the room, trying to capture his arms and his face in your hands, "never!"

WAKATOSHI USHIJIMA

♡ okay so i firmly believe ushijima is so ice cold on the inside your hands genuinely don't affect him

♡ which is such a shame because you so badly wanted to hear him squeal

♡ but no.. sigh..

♡ it honestly frustrates you to no end up you still don't give up, you know someday you'll get the perfect balance of warm room + element of surprise that you'll get some reaction out of him

♡ but whenever you touch him and he just looks at you like '😐 can i help you?' you get sooo disheartened you can't even be bothered to explain what you're doing so literally he has no idea whats going on

♡ kinda like this:

♡ you see him sitting on the couch, engrossed in this month's issue of Gardening Monthly that you just left on the table as a distraction (he doesn't know anything about gardening)

♡ and you start to creep up to him from behind, holding your breath, each movement perfectly calculated so you don't step on any creaky floorboards. you approach in completely silence and then...

♡ BOOM! cold hands to the face!!

♡ your hands are squishing his cheeks and instead of screaming or even gasping, he just turns to look at you his resting blank expression. "what is this?"

♡ "ughh" you groan, tossing your head back in frustration. everything was so spot on but still nothing. "hmph.. nevermind.." you grunt, storming away.

♡ and because you just randomly touch him so often and refuse to explain it, he just thinks its one of those things couples are supposed to do

♡ so randomly when you are together he'll sneak up behind you and place both his hands on your shoulders, giving YOU a heart attack

♡ or when you're sleeping you'll suddenly feel two hands squish your cheeks and at first your blood will run cold until you realise it's toshi

♡ it's all fun and games and cutesy couple stuff until he does it to you in the hallways of your school/college while you are on your way to class

♡ he'll creep up behind you and place his hands on your waist and because you're in a public place you automatically assume its a stranger and spin around to roundhouse him in the face

♡ he's okay though. your hands made a good temporary ice pack while the nurse got him a real one

YU NISHINOYA

♡ 1000000% screams like a little girl and tries to play it off cool

♡ and because of that you love him too much to ever use your cold hands on him in public or in front of his teammates

♡ (bc you both know tsukishima and yamaguchi would never let him hear the end of it and tell EVERYONE they know and one thing leads to another, now everyone has lost any respect for him they may have had formerly.)

♡ (ok that's an exaggeration but it would still be very embarrassing for him)

♡ so you only do it in private and titter to yourself about it

♡ however you do have it as a form of blackmail if he ever disrespects you which is good

♡ jkjk ofc you'd never blackmail

♡ but you do like to tease him because you both know you have that power

♡ like if you ask him to grab you an extra milk from the vending machine and he says no (idk why he would say no though , he's too whipped to ever do that, but just as an example) you could just raise your hands up menacingly

♡ and the way he would DART towards the vending machine

♡ unreal

♡ if he could pull out that speed on the court, he'd send wakatoshi ushijima home CRYING that's for certain

#haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu crack #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #ushijima x reader #nishinoya x y/n #satori tendo x reader #tendo x reader #notenoughcube

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8um8le · 2 years ago

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I absolutely adore your cyberpunk au! The designs are so lovely and cool and your backgrounds are just absolutely gorgeous! I just fell in love with it and love everything about it, including the world!

I was curious about some things though and hope it's alright asking a couple of questions!

1. All relating to their job here, but: Have the boys ever taken on a job that they regretted in the end? Have they ever accidentally hurt a child during their job? Have they ever been backstabbed/set-up?

2. I'm not sure if you answered this or mentioned it before but, what are the boys to each other? Friends, brothers, etc.?

3. Okay, another one sort of relating to their jobs again: Have the boys ever had their night job cross over to their day job? Like, has someone sought revenge by threatening the daycare or something along those lines? Maybe just an incident where they've dealt with some not so great adults that wandered in?

4. Okay, another job related question: Have either of the boys gotten seriously hurt on their night job before? How do they go about fixing each other up? How protective/worried are they for each other?

5. Which of the boys is more affectionate? How would they react to a surprise hug? (I figured a silly, simple question was due after all the previous serious ones XD).

Sorry for the long list of oddly specific questions, I'm just really curious, happen to be up at 1 am with questions circling in my brain, and adore this au to pieces! I hope you have a lovely day/night, and thank you for taking the time to answer this ask! Sorry again for how long it is!

Heheh like these questions, long post under the cut <33

Before the two became hit-men under a contract, they had to build their way up to that position, in their previous two forms they were backstabbed multiple times. An example would be how sometimes they would be assigned one task within an organized group, and after they did their deed, their “team mates” would try to take them out and take credit for their work.

As for accidentally hurting a child in their day job, one of the kids cut their hand from getting too close to Sun’s rays. The parents really didn’t mind, but ever since, Sun has been very careful with the kids and his rays. (Funny how the rays that were meant to defend him, backfired in a way)

2. The boys have this found-family type of situation, they were born with nothing, thrown away left to rot, without knowing why they were even made. They’re all that they have when it comes to family, they see each other as brothers. Though I must say Sun is most definitely the responsible older brother who stresses over everything, and Moon is the chaotic little brother who needs to be put on a backpack leash.

3. When it comes to the day and night job crossing, it never happened yet, since their night job is top secret. Also since they are ranked pretty high as hitmen at this point, they have protection when it comes to identity.

Also the jobs they take are never personal, they’re just sent by someone, so it wouldn’t really make too much sense for someone related to their deceased targets to go after em.

4. Every gig they take in their night job is a life or death situation, so they are in constant danger, they have been badly damaged during their night jobs. Mostly moon because of his careless behaviour.

They try their best to not get damaged though, their contract does comes with their own robot doctor, that will patch them up, it will just cost them money, taken straight out of their paycheque. When it comes to weapon damage or replacement, they don’t have to pay nearly as much though.

Although they complain about the stupidest shit with each other, they really do care for one another, they never verbally say it upfront to one another, but their actions and constantly making sure one another is okay goes to show their affection. Also Moon’s chill nature can be very helpful when it comes to calming Sun’s panic attacks.

5. I think the more affectionate one would be Sun, he understands human emotions a bit more than Moon does. He’s very caring, sometimes too caring which leads him to a spiral of overthinking. Moon on the other hand is just naturally loveable, he doesn’t need to try when it comes to charming others.

Funny little thing I’d like to add is their skill at each job, and who does what better, since there is a bit of irony there. Sun is excellent when it comes to his night job, he’s calm, calculated, and swift, perfect for clean and quick executions. Though at his day job, he finds that he can unintentionally scare the kids with him being jittery and over-enthusiastic.

Moon on the other hand, He’s very smart when it comes to countering attacks and could take mechs twice his size, but he does poorly at stealth, and lacks patience. In his day job, the kids love him, since he is super easy going and nonchalant.

Sorry for the grammar mistakes im sleepy~

Ty for the cool questions!!

#cyberpunk au

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crmsnmth · 7 months ago

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A Letter to Someone I'll Never Talk To Again: Part One

Dear "Muppet"

Most people start off a letter by asking how you are, but I don't want to waste words on something that doesn't affect my life. I hope you're doing well, but it's really none of my bsiness in the end. I wish like hell that that wasn't true, but wishes are for wishful thinking. You know me, always the life of the party.

I haven't changed all that much since our time. Okay, that's a lie. I've changed a lot. See after you left, and everyone watched me go down, I vowed to change. That I would someday change back into the person I was at my happiest. I thougth that's what mattered, being happy.

The problem with this fool proof plan was that I was a fool with guesses. I was at my happiest with you, so that means I'll never be that person again. That person is officially dead and buried and his rotting corpse is why my breath stinks to badly in the morning. It leaves a foul taste too.

I knew you were with him during the last month of our relationship. I always wonder if you ever figured out that I figured it out, playing Sherlock Holmes but with a far less interesting story that you already know. I knew he was there while I was at work. And I bit my tongue because I loved you so much. I loved the person I had fallen in love with.

That person I fell in love so deeply with, was different than the one you were at the end. And I guess that's kind of a given fact since you were fucking someone else while we were in our relationship. I've had some bad relationships, the one after you especially difficult, but one thing i can say is that I've never once cheated on any partner I've had. Even if I wanted to, I never did it. Not even has payback. I didn't really give all thought about it.

Why would I? It never mattered what you did. From the very first time you stepped into that bar to the very last time you walked away from me, I knew I was yours. I was yours and I would do anything for you. So I even forgive you for all of this stuff too.

That doesn't mean I wasn't a problem too. I was caught in a delusional world I had built in my head, and I wouldn't get out of it until you left me. I think that was the shock that snapped everything into place. The catalyst, you could say. I was a liar and a con artist with the charisma of Charles Manson. I could get anyone on my side before you. I used those skills. I did it constantly. Tell a lie, something so far off and unreal that was obviously lie, and I'd wait for sometone to take the bait. Once they took the bair, the game was on and I ould try to convince someone that I was right, even when they knew I wasn't. It worked more often than not, and looking back, that frightens me so much. I was so good at it. Either that or everybody was somehow in on the joke. I did it too twice that I can think, but that number should be higher.

I really lost it after you left. And you saw it. The last phone call I ever got from you was the morning after a very awful evening. I don't remember the evening. I was mixing cocaine and being black out drunk. Somehow, I managed to piss everybody off and was taken outside to get the shit kicked out of me. You called the next morning, after hearing abot the beating and my awful behavior. Yout told me your roommate was super pissed at me. I tried to apologize on Facebook and maybe find out what happened, but he read my message and proceeded to block me/ That was it then. That one less than a minute long phone call.

They'll be letters soon, but for now I'm tired and my eyes itch behind my glasses. Time to start the ritual you loved so much in the beginning but by the end hated. And that's how it goes. People change, and there is absolutely nothing one could do. Our time together meant and still means almost everything to me, and at the way it's going, I'll be seeing you when my eyes close for all of eternity. Even without well-respected no contact clause. I almost broke when I came across your picture in a box of random papers. But I didn't. And the number I refuse to delete from my sim card may not even be your number anymore. I've probably gone through 100 different numbers since yo split.

I have to stop now, or I never will.

Love You Until the Sun Explodes, "Peanut"

#writers and poets #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #spilled writing #writing #my writing #spilled emotions #spilled words #writers on tumblr #poets and writers #creative writing #writerscommunity #writerscorner #writer #punkrocksoapoperas #letters to no one #letter

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kanansdume · 2 years ago

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Thornidala AU

Thorn is assigned to watch over Padme after some sort of attack on the Senate/Coruscant or assassination attempt on Padme happens. They're actually in a rotating schedule, so Thorn is not the ONLY person assigned to watch over Padme as a bodyguard and generally they aren't assigning Commanders to this, but the trooper who was supposed to go on shift that day ended up hurt or something and Thorn maybe is on some sort of light duty leave after an injury and so jumps at the chance to volunteer (probably not entirely going along with medic's orders by doing so lbh) and so spends a day with Padme at the senate building playing bodyguard.

Padme's pretty busy, so while she's professionally friendly when she sees him and does recognize his rank as a Commander and asks how she managed to rate a higher ranked officer out of the blue, she's not paying Thorn a whole lot of attention and is just doing her job.

Until Anakin shows up in her office and Thorn really isn't SUPPOSED to leave the office, that's... part of the gig here and Padme actually asks Thorn to stay because she's super busy and she's trying to ask Anakin to leave and it goes badly and they end up in an argument and for a hot minute there, Thorn's worried he may have to step in and make Anakin leave. Anakin doesn't really raise his voice, but he does go from manipulative (think like the Senate Hostage episode) to more quietly demanding (kinda like in ROTS when Padme tries to insist that Palpatine's not the mensch Anakin thinks he is) and Padme is... folding. It's REALLY not Thorn's place, but if Padme's heading in that direction he'd rather not be in here when it does, so he just sort-of quietly asks if she needs him to leave, and the reminder that Thorn's been there this whole time sort-of brings Padme back to herself and she insists that Anakin leave this time.

Once he finally does, she turns to Thorn and says something to the effect of "I'm sorry you had to see that, he's not normally like that, it's just this war..." and nothing happens that explicitly makes a MARRIAGE clear to Thorn, so he has nothing to really keep secret aside from the fact that she's not making the relationship public, but she's not doing anything entirely wrong. Not recommended, frowned upon, perhaps, but not illegal. Thorn just responds with "I completely understand, Senator, this war affects us all."

Thorn's very accepting response to his accidental viewing of something Padme's sort-of embarrassed about means that any time she has to bring a squad of troopers with her on a trip or needs a trooper to accompany her somewhere, she inquires if Thorn is busy. Sometimes he is, but more than once he's available to accompany her and while he never views anything that intensely personal again, Padme knows he's trustworthy and professional.

After the Clone War ends and Palpatine removed from power and the clones released from service and granted citizenship in the Republic, things aren't going well for Anakin and Padme's marriage. They kept it a secret as long as they could, but since Anakin can spend so much more time around and with Padme now, and Padme is still swamped with work having to fix up the Senate and work out treaties with Separatists and Neutral Systems and re-work relationships with the Corporate Alliance etc etc she hardly has time for her marriage. Anakin is resentful of how little time Padme has for him and Padme starts to get frustrated at this resentment.

Things devolve until Padme just leaves for Naboo and tells Anakin not to follow her, and she goes to visit her family. Anakin is seething and basically about to explode, similar to the Clovis 2.0 arc, but maybe he does something like snap at an initiate/padawan or something and one of the Masters forces him to sit down and talk about it, because that's a line you don't cross and if you cross it, it's time to sit down and figure out how to get back in balance. Anakin doesn't really want to talk, so he effectively gets grounded until he does.

Padme goes to visit her family and is rattled enough by the way her relationship has gone that she's more inclined to lean on her family for support and listen to them when they express worry for her and just... lets it all out. Everything she's gone through, every fear she's kept bottled since the Trade Federation occupation over a decade ago, the secret marriage, the war. Her family helps her work through it and she eventually decides to end things with Anakin.

Whether this means basically serving him divorce papers or just sending him a message saying it's over, this causes Anakin to implode. He's angry, he's furious, he wants to just chase Padme down and make her see sense, but he's grounded and can't go anywhere and the Jedi won't UNDERSTAND and eventually he just kinda... starts screaming at the Jedi, starts letting it all out because it has to go SOMEWHERE and it may as well be at the Jedi who made the problem in the first place. And shit comes out that make the Jedi aware that Anakin's broken some vows and once Anakin kind-of lets it all out, he just... keeps going maybe. He gets it into his head that somehow he can get back what he's lost, if he just... proves himself better he can get Padme back and if he can appease the Jedi he'll stay a Jedi and somehow he can STILL HAVE BOTH so long as he just does as the Jedi say, so he goes along with it.

They end up sending him to Tatooine after a while with a chaperone on a sabbatical and to make amends for the massacre of the Tuskens. He stays with Beru and Owen or just meets up with them and spends time with them and they consider him Family obviously and treat him as such and while he doesn't have good memories of Tatooine, he does like the way it feels to spend time with Beru and Owen, who give him the kind of familial commitment he's so wanted, who feel so familiar to what he had with Shmi. Not QUITE the same because they're not focused on him above all else, but... similar. Family is the Most Important Thing in Tatooine, and as a member of their Family, he is Important. And, eventually, he starts to actually heal and gain some self-awareness and realizes that he DOESN'T really want to stay with the Jedi, it's not the right path for him and won't make him happy.

Padme in the meanwhile has been convinced to leave the Senate once she serves Anakin divorce papers and has been healing on Naboo, working at the university maybe with her brother-in-law or helping out at the mountain village her parents founded near Theed where she was born, getting back to her roots so to speak. Eventually she probably joins her father's Refugee Relief Movement again, helping him out as the President or taking on some sort of higher position in the organization.

And it's here that she meets Thorn again, who's either been helping out in the Refugee Relief Movement himself or working with similar organizations and he ends up on the same project as the Refugee Relief Movement with Padme. He is surprised that Padme recognizes him when he comes up to say hello and even more surprised when Padme says she wouldn't mind his company if he wants to stay and catch up some more.

They end up spending a lot of time together, partnering on projects sometimes and spending meals and leisure time together. Padme introduces him to Naboo literature and tells him childhood anecdotes and Thorn teaches Padme some of the card games the clones had invented during the war and all the ways to cheat at them and all about the crazy flora and fauna he's seen on his travels since the war. On the little time off they're given, Padme offers to take him to see various sights around Naboo. One night, when she wins her first game with him, she kisses him, to both of their surprise. But she decides to commit to it and asks if it's something he wants, and if not then there's no pressure. Thorn does. The next morning, Padme realizes that maybe they should talk about this a little more and tells him she's not really looking for a committed relationship, but that she likes him and she likes making him feel good and spending time with him. Thorn understands and is willing to live with those conditions.

After the project ends a few months later, they go their separate ways, promising to keep in touch.

Padme stays on Naboo again, getting some rest, Thorn goes to Coruscant to see Fox and catch up with his brothers who still work on the planet. Fox is in a relationship with at least one Jedi and so Thorn wants to get his advice on how that kind of stuff works because as much as he was willing to abide by Padme's limitations for their relationship, something about it was starting to sit a little different and he didn't know what to do about it. Fox tells him that it's obvious he fell in love with Padme but if she's not ready for a relationship or just doesn't feel the same way he's going to have to accept that and be happy with what she IS willing to give him or walk away. Thorn mentions that maybe he should just find himself a nice Jedi like Fox did and settle down and Fox just laughs and is like "The fact that you think anyone SETTLES DOWN with a Jedi just goes to show how bad of a match that would be for you."

Padme and Thorn keep their promise of staying in touch and meet up again when Padme makes a trip to Coruscant or something and Thorn decides to tell her how he feels. Not because he's expecting a relationship out of it, Padme was pretty clear on the arrangement and how she wasn't ready for a serious romance yet, but because he doesn't want to be dishonest with her and if she needs her space from him because of this, he wants her to be able to take it. The last thing he wants to do is make her feel uncomfortable, even inadvertently.

Padme, however, doesn't want space. She's not ready for a romantic relationship still, but the fact that Thorn came to her without expectations and was ready to step away if she asked speaks volumes. He makes her feel safe, and happy, and makes her laugh, and she's not interested in giving that up if it doesn't bother him that she also can't give him what he wants. Thorn just wants to make her happy, in whatever shape that takes, so they stay friends, but Thorn does request that they don't sleep together anymore just so lines don't get too blurred.

Fast forward several years down the line, Padme and Thorn have remained good friends and only gotten closer over the years. Padme is really happy and settled in her job running her dad's relief organization because it does allow her to choose when she travels for work and when she stays home on Naboo to reconnect with her family. Padme brought Thorn home to meet her family once and he got to talking with her mother about education opportunities on Naboo he could take advantage of if he was interested. He's worked his way through schooling while doing some local jobs on Naboo and helping out with the relief organization occasionally. He's finding he really likes using his hands to be creative and has gotten into textile engineering via connections to Padme's old handmaidens. Having individualized outfits that can double as armor is both creative and practical! He also likes music and has a very decent singing voice and has picked up several instruments, but that's more of a hobby. He also loves dancing, but has no desire to learn to be good at it. He knows he COULD, but it's more fun to just let his body move to the music however it wants to, it feels like freedom.

Thorn's obviously gotten to know Padme's family and gets along pretty well with them. He's also managed to befriend her former handmaidens, including Sabe. Padme spends time getting to know more about Thorn's friends and family, which likely is predominantly Fox and the other Coruscant Guard commanders, but potentially a few men who were in other battalions as well, especially if they had joined up in the relief organization with him or are also taking advantage of the education opportunities on Naboo. Padme was obviously always polite and friendly to the clones but hadn't truly made time to get to know them very well during the war and certainly wasn't familiar enough with them to know what sort of traditions and culture they had built for themselves or understand their values and history. Most of what she knew was probably second or third hand through Anakin or Ahsoka, so a lot of what she learns by finally just spending time with the clones in an informal capacity is very new to her and she has to unlearn a lot of assumptions she may have had about them.

Getting back together (or getting together for the first time, depending on how you look at it) isn't dramatic. It's not a life or death decision and doesn't involve a crazy romantic gesture. Thorn and Padme go out to watch a meteor shower one night or something, or they make a visit to a nearby animal sanctuary, or to an orchard to pick some of their own fruit so Thorn can try his hand at baking some new recipes Sola or the handmaidens recommended he try, and Padme just looks at him and knows. She knows that this is the person she wants to spend her life with. She can be happy without him, now, she knows that, too. But she'd rather be happy WITH him, and keep doing things to make HIM happy. So she takes his hand to get his attention and when he turns to look at her, she kisses him. And there's no more shadows, no more hesitation, there's just him, just them.

Thorn ends up designing and creating Padme's wedding dress, and when they eventually start their own family, Padme gives birth to twins, a boy and a girl.

#commander thorn #padme amidala #padme naberrie #star wars #thornidala #thornidala au

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loosesodamarble · 9 months ago

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I'm new to your blog, and I know your request is closed, but I hope it's okay to still send in brain rots? If not, just reply to this with "No" or something of the sort. I wanted to share this so badly 😭

I'm just imagining a clingy and affectionate lover for Nacht who's ends up just clinging onto his back 24/7. Who's sleeping on his back? Oh. His lover. Why?... I don't know. If his lover feels that something is off. He gets headpats mid conversation or kiss on the cheek.

He's just talking down to someone being a menace that he is to the black bulls squad, and then they see a hand on his head casually petting him and a small voice that just says "No. Bad Nacht. Don't be mean." and he just falters.

Or he's at the meeting with the squad leaders, and he's showing off his demons. Suddenly, he gets a lot of kisses, and suddenly, all the intimidation just goes down the drain.

Does Nacht find it annoying at times? Yes. But. How can he say no when he gets affection?

Side note: The reason why his little baby clings onto him is because they're scared that he'll dissappear and never seen again due to how pessimistic he is towards himself.

Anon... Imagine I am ever so gently holding your shoulders while giving you a little peck on the forehead.

Nacht brainrot is always welcome here. My blog is where Nacht receives all the love and sweetness in the world~! 💖💖💖

I feel like Nacht really needs a clingy and openly affectionate lover. He closes himself off to others so having someone who is very open with their love for him would be a great help to him softening up and learning to love himself. Nacht deserves someone who seeks him out for comfort and wants to provide him comfort too. 🥰🥺💖👏

Gaaaahhhhh! The image of cuddling up against Nacht's back in bed is so cute!

As someone who’s like half a foot shorter than Nacht, the idea of giving Nacht headpats is a little goofy, since for me I’d first have to make him lean down a bit before I could reach the top of his head. 😆 That or we’d have to be sitting/lying down together so he’s already at my shorter level. But I truly would want to give Nacht headpats. He may not feels like it, but he’s a good man who has earned some pats.

Nacht being a menace to the Bulls. Ironic since he’d call the Bulls a menace to society. Look he’s just like a father telling the kids not to repeat his mistakes because his mistakes were suuuuuper dumb! And then his sweetheart partner comes along to shush them. “No need to scold them, honey.”

And let’s be real, after the third scolding from Nacht, the BB would’ve learned to tune him out and blankly stare into the distance until Nacht had finished his spiel.

The Bulls would be a mixture of baffled and jealous that Nacht has a partner that can put up with him. But they’d also be grateful that his partner is there to make him a more bearable person to be around. It they had to deal with grumpy Nacht 100% of the time and not just 70% of it, they would be less happy campers. 😂 The Bulls care for Nacht, they do, but they aren’t simps like me, that’s how I tolerate Nacht so well.

Also loving the idea that Nacht is trying to intimidate others with the devils. But his partner ruins his threatening aura very easily because they want to dote upon Nacht and show how cute the devils can be. 😂☺️

Nacht’s annoyance is at a good 90% but his anger is in the negatives because fhcjdkhhwochcid! He can’t say no to them. His lover has free reign to be lovey-dovey with him. (Unless his mood is really really bad. 😬 In which case his lover would probably know to give him space until he’s thought things through and calmed down. They want to love him but if even a “hello” sets Nacht off, they have to back away and let him stew a bit.) Nacht deserves every hug and kiss and soft word of affection!

Also heck yeah to a clingy lover because they don’t want him to leave!

Let the brainrot flow, dear Anon!

#questions from the ask box #awesome anons #nacht faust #nacht faust headcanons #black clover #soda asides #okay but Nacht needing a forward lover is why Josele is so stubborn about her love for Nacht #sorry to bring up my oc! sorry! nshcudjw!

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affinitystoryblog · 3 months ago

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so these questions were initially an ask but i accidentally published the ask before i was done answering. luckily i had copied what i had written before i deleted the incomplete answer, but here is the answers! i do not remember what the last one was, so unfortunately i can only give u these ones.

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break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Sinie

SO ACTUALLY there is a major story event that takes place late book 1 that changes sinie's character for a while. book 2 sinie is not going to be the same as book 1 sinie....i cant say what the event is because i think its too much of a spoiler. but sinie fuckin loses it. goes dark. corrupted by her own emotions. itll be the lowest anyone has ever seen sinie. the event, and her actions resulting from how it affects her, will change her forever.

Csilla

this one is a little harder for me to answer, because i havent thought of something like this for csilla like i have for sinie. csilla is...a little stronger than sinie tbh. she can handle darker emotions easier, given that she's been an outcast and lonely most of her life. she isnt sheltered necessarily, just kept on a tight leash. she feels her mother doesn't love her, she adores her father but he's often times too busy to make any actual time for her so he overcompensates by spoiling her in any way he can, and her and her brother have an estranged resentment for each other.

the one that really brings out the best in her is everett. sure, everett is kinda just doing as programmed and trying to woo csilla, but damn does she fall for it. she's a hopeless romantic, and everett is everything she could've ever wanted in someone. he makes her laugh, hes attractive, he gives her attention, comforts her, they have a lot of similar interests, he is always taking her out to do new things she never dreamed of doing trapped by the shackles of her parents expectations. he makes her feel free. so tbh, i actually think a perfect scenario for this would be everett's betrayal. (idc about spoiling this since i mean itll be obvious its gonna come out once i start the arc) i mean, idk if i would rly call it much of a betrayal, more of a reveal that he was a spy but lbr, he's gonna continue doing what mommy (agitha) says until his heart finally tells him to do whats right. (i have a feeling that everett will be on their side before agitha, but i havent fully figured it out yet...) so there'd be a bit of time where everett's heart is in limbo and csilla would be sitting in her room rotting away bella twilight style until it was all resolved.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Sinie

again, the big story event that sinie goes through at the end of book 1 will cover all of this. she's definitely gonna marinate in her negative emotions for a while, coping very very badly. she cuts her hair off. not a spoiler u guys have seen short haired sinie tons of times if ur familiar with this blog. i just decided tho...i think i want her to go full throttle and shave it all off. i think she'd eat.

Csilla

see, i love asks like this because i dont normally think of stuff like this for csilla like i do sinie because im used to sinie being the protagonist like she was in beta affinity, but i need to treat csilla with that same respect cause she's equally the protagonist. theyre both the main character because u cant have this story without one or the other. and this stuff makes me think for csilla.

so anyway, i dont know how to answer this question off the top of my head, SO lets psychoanalyze csilla!

she's shy and introverted, but she's also still a nerd; she likes art and music, dance, videogames even though she doesnt play much herself, anime and cartoons (sinie does end up getting her into "kiri kyu-kyu-cute!!") but she also kind of doesnt know how to have friends. she was outcasted for being the weird witchy kid growing up in a bougie all girls private school, and we ALL know how hardcore middle school girls bully. i havent fully thought of how all of csilla's history with bullying went, but it definitely affected her to grow up alone and isolated.

she probably would feel guilty for liking witchcraft and being interested in magic, it being ingrained in her head that its weird and creepy and dangerous. and running with that, she would probably feel like an absolute freak for being a magical girl. ive kind of already depicted csilla calling magic freaky and she is shown to be scared of it.

(shown in chapter 1)

(and then a couple times in chapter 2)

csilla is the one who insists they keep their magical identities a secret, partly because i personally dont want too much of the world suddenly being exposed to magic rn, (hence miko, who takes them to a place they can be destructive) but also because csilla is embarrassed. notice how she calls it "wacky". she does admit it was awesome, but thats really mostly sinie's influence. csilla does still love wacky things, she was just abused into feeling guilt about liking these things. she can be more free with sinie who is OPENLY expressive about her love for magic and their newfound powers.

so i definitely think csilla should go through an identity crisis of some sort, battling her feelings of feeling like a total freak and then feeling like she has a purpose. csilla is a little more logical when it comes to magic, its not supposed to be real. no one would believe them anyway and she's terrified of being considered the freak in a place where she can start over.

i think playing with this idea early on is better, so ill go through and edit some chapters and then keep the theme in mind for future chapters for consistency :)

oc ask meme

#affinity talk #sinie castellano #csilla beauchene

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umbra-domini · 1 year ago

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did their childhood have a negative or positive impact on them?

| Character development questions | Accepting

Zed's childhood is a rather sore topic for him. Something he doesn't really - if ever speak of. He didn't really know his father and grew up primarily with his mother until he started working for the Kinkou. He wouldn't consider it a bad childhood, not this early stuff at least. Hell - he absolutely adored his mother he knew that she tried her best even while being a single parent. Never did he mind being poor because of it. He only hated how people treated him for being poor. He absolutely does resent his father for leaving though, never quite understanding why he did. Being a "parent" himself (even if not biological he does see Kayn as his son), he could never imagine leaving, especially when the child is young and needs a good influence.

Part of him wonders that perhaps if his father had stuck around his life wouldnt be how it is now. If he wouldn't have started working for the Kinkou and eventually joined them. But that's something that, even if it did ultimately have a negative impact on him, he wouldn't want to change. If it hadn't been for this he wouldn't be able to protect Ionia now and wouldn't be as strong as he is now.

With that said, i do think it did a toll on his mental health though. From the horrors he saw due to the Golden Demon to the brutality of the Noxus invasion. Those things did leave permanent scars on his mentality. Espscially Jhin. He had never known a man to be capable of such vicious acts. Of such brutality. It was something that shook him to his core, and that truly did make him feel fear. Because up until that point sure there were things he was scared of as a kid - all kids have fears. But what Jhin did? The way he slaughtered people in a way as though they were cattle? And being so delusional that he saw it as art? That showed Zed what primal fear was. What true hatred was. Coupled with the fact that he would not face his crimes and instead be left to live and rot away in a prison? That just made it worse.

That was certainly a turning point for Zed in his childhood. Turning it from a "oh it kind of sucked" to something that left him with deep emotional wounds that he still hasn't healed from. The only person he felt who truly understood the severity of what he had gone through is Shen. And for a bit, he did kind of have him to lean on in a way. But ... even that fell apart too with time. Losing his best friend, the man who he adored with his whole heart. That just made him even more bitter and made things a lot worse than they needed to be. Zed would say that he doesn't regret the choices he has made that drove a wedge between him and the man who he was so close to in childhood, but i think deep down there is a small part of him that does regret it.

He hides his true feelings away by deeming it as "the necessary thing" to do. By framing it as it being a choice he was absolutely certain about. But i really do think that the trauma Jhin had caused had a huge impact on what he did when he decided to take the forbidden Shadow Magic. Because he was so wrapped up in his hatred and fear that he saw it to be the only solution. He never wanted to see another child go through what he had at the hands of another psychopath like Jhin - because he knows how badly it affected him, even if he refuses to admit it. He was scared that if he didn't become powerful enough, then who would be left to prevent such a thing from happening? It had taken so long for them to hunt down Jhin in the first place and they hadn't even given him a fair punishment. Zed fully stands by the idea that they should have killed him when they had the chance.

I definitely do think that, even if he sees his time with his mother and his father leaving them as a more neutral thing compared to the other traumatic shit he went through as a kid it definitely still left a negative impact on him. That's a whole other can of worms to open up, honestly. I think deep down he really does hold a deep rooted fear of abandonment as well from it. Something that only amplified when his friendship with Shen crumbled and fell apart. That's why he doesn't get close to people these days, i think. Why even if he is overall neutral when it comes to others, he wouldn't let another in close enough to learn these things about him. I truly think that, at least at this point the only person who may be able to wrangle some infomation on his feelings would be Kayn.

Of course though, that is always open to changing with how relationships between muses develop... an unpacking of his emotions and trauma, if you will. Which i am very excited for in the future as i rp on here more.

#OOC #Headcanon tag TBD #oh god this was so fun to ramble about...#also i am on mobile so if it formats weird then oopsie

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scribblestatic · 2 months ago

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*going a little feral over this concept, excuse me*

Okay, but consider Shen Qingqiu getting worse and worse.

Like, yeah, he can practice inedia, but Cucumber Bro, you haven't eaten in a month, that's kinda long.

He still makes a mistake and asks for Binghe for things he usually would. Eventually, he stops saying the name. He just looks to the side and the words rot in his mouth before they can leave his lips. He has such an empty look on his face though.

While he's keeping up with the lesson plans he makes for his students, he starts sneaking in knowledge about random things that would've helped Luo Binghe, because he's thinking, "Is this my fault? Did I not teach him well enough? I must have made a mistake. It must be because I'm a bad teacher. I can't be lazy like I have been (as though he's been lazy at all). I do not teach well enough, so I must become better. Maybe then..."

Although he sort of neglects his own appearance, he doesn't neglect anyone else. Less green, more white. He stops wearing head crowns and just ties his hair in a half bun with ribbon. He doesn't sleep for weeks, and sometimes his students find him asleep at the sword mound he made for Binghe.

"I'm sorry for messing up your protagonist, Airplane. I seriously fucked him up so badly, he's not back from the Abyss yet."

"Bro... No, I'm sure it's not you."

"Hah."

"C'mon, he's my son. Sure, I don't know why he's not back yet, but it's not like he's dead."

"...Could he be, though?"

And Shang Qinghua looks up to see the most haunted expression on Shen Qingqiu's face.

"Could he be dead? What if..."

"S...Seriously, I doubt it."

"But you don't know."

Silence.

---

System.

System, is Binghe alive?

[This system is currently in hibernat--]

System. Tell me. Is Binghe alive right now? You can tell me that, can't you?

[This system is current--]

Shen Qingqiu raises a cup to throw against the wall, but he can't do that. Binghe gave him so much tea in this cup. He can't destroy it. He sets it down.

Instead, he takes his sword and cuts down swaths of trees in his barely concealed rage.

Then, he looks at the damage he wrought. Trees uprooted, the topography altered by his sword glares. Sure, he's still affected by Without A Cure, but when he's not, he's quite powerful on his own, right?

...So, if he goes into the Endless Abyss...he could find Binghe, couldn't he?

Yeah. He can fix this.

He can fix it.

---

Shen Yuan dreams of Shen Jiu's past. He's not sure why he has those dreams, but it doesn't really matter.

Yes, he learns who Shen Jiu was. Yes, he realizes why Shen Jiu hated hearing "A'Luo, A'Luo" all day, every day. Yes, he realizes why he pulled away from men, to the point Shen Yuan himself has to resist doing the same. Yes, he realizes why Shen Jiu went to the Warm Red Pavilion, and he starts going back there--not to sleep, he doesn't need that, but it's been such a long time since the girls have had their lessons, he has to apologize for his absence. What are they all cooing and fretting over him for? He's fine. It's Binghe who isn't. Ah, also, the information system Shen Jiu started with the ladies...perhaps that could be useful. He needs to start that up again.

Yes, he realizes the grown man was jealous of the successes of a boy several years his junior because life was immensely unfair to him. Yes, he realizes that a lot of the punishments he enacted on Binghe were normal for the culture and period. Yes, through those dreams, he realizes that he didn't give Binghe that deadly cultivation manual, instead having received it from Ming Fan, not knowing it was a manual that Shen Jiu himself received from his shizun. Though, once Shen Jiu noticed that book was in Binghe's hands, he didn't do anything to rectify it.

Cool motives, still child abuse.

He doesn't know where Shen Jiu's soul is. All he knows is that, somehow, despite piling hatred on Luo Binghe from his hatred of Qiu Jianluo, Binghe survived the Endless Abyss, where Shen Yuan's attempt to love and care for him failed.

He will never regret not hating or punishing Luo Binghe.

But fuck, he regrets not being good enough to teach him better.

And, he feels all the more remorseful, because he knows and ruminates over how often, before his transmigration, that Shen Jiu hurt him. That Shen Jiu punished him. That Shen Jiu cut into him.

Maybe the story of PIDW was supposed to be about the cycle of abuse and hate, but Shen Yuan managed to destroy it by his own inadequacy.

Shang Qinghua only barely manages to convince Shen Qingqiu to not look for the Endless Abyss and dive into it himself.

He doesn't manage this by appealing to Shen Qingqiu's degrading health ("This is no worse than it was before, at least I can move without a cane," and boy, that says more about his favorite reader than he'd ever really said about himself before then).

He doesn't manage this by appealing to how his students would worry over him. Fully convinced he's a terrible teacher, he believes it would be best for others to take charge of their education, ignoring the fact that the scholarly peak was all the more illustrious since he arrived. Though, the thought of leaving them behind does give him some pause. He's on the right track.

He doesn't manage this by saying how much he'd miss him. Although Cucumber Bro does pause at this as well (and man, bro, his heart feels overstuffed).

Running out of reasons, Shang Qinghua pulls out one he doesn't even think would be a good one.

"What if Luo Binghe doesn't have a good way of finding you once he's out?! He'd come searching here, wouldn't he? You want to see him so badly, so stay here so he can find you! C'mon, we both know he can't be dead! He's the best protagonist ever, alright?! Don't you trust him?!"

...That gets him to stop entirely.

Though, for some reason, Shang Qinghua thinks he kinda misunderstood what he meant by "searching" for him. From what he had seen, Luo Binghe very much cared for his kind Cucumber Shizun. Sure, his affection could've changed, but some part of him really didn't think that Luo Binghe would return to bring harm on them...hopefully.

However, from the resigned smile on Shen Qingqiu's face, he's almost certain the wires got crossed somewhere.

This is proven true when, a few weeks later, he comes back with his written will, which he wants enacted "after Binghe takes" him.

For the record, it only took Luo Binghe as long as it did because he did it without Xin Mo.

He really didn't like how the sword made him feel, how he could sense it manipulating his emotions. He's strong, so he can find another way out. His shizun always taught him to be resourceful.

So, instead of using Xin Mo, he made another sword and escaped the abyss by finding a rift at the right time. He then used his super-strong-cause-he-made-it-with-love-and-care sword to conquer the demon realm and bring it under his rule.

He was going to take longer and prove to his shizun that he was a good person by taking over Huan Hua Palace, but the day Mobei Jun brought his advisor/lover/hamster and the man had the audacity to grab his lapels--

"Junshang, your shizun is fuckin wasting away out of grief for you and I need you to appear before him yesterday so he knows you're not actually dead, or he's going to jump into the Abyss to try to find your body and bring you back for a proper burial despite still being affected by Without A Cure."

--And well, that was extremely important information, the hamster man is a great advisor, good job Mobei Jun.

When Binghe shows up, it's a whole conundrum, but Shen Qingqiu calms it down and insists on speaking to his disciple alone. He looks like he hasn't eaten well, and his eyes are quite darkened by exhaustion, but he still holds himself well.

That is, until he gets that separate meeting he insisted on.

Then, Shen Qingqiu is smiling gleefully.

"Binghe, you're back. Fantastic. Now, before you kill everyone because of the suffering this world caused you, may I present the option of only tormenting me to near death, like I deserve? I've thought about it immensely, and I'd feel very sad if you killed everyone, so, while a meager offer, just destroying me physically could be a potential exchange."

"What."

"It's very economical, I assure you. After you rip off all my limbs like I've been dreaming about the last three years, you can gut me like a fish and keep me just barely alive enough for your entertainment. It'll be so cool to witness, you taking your rightful revenge! Sure, I will be the subject of this torment, but it's a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make."

"What."

"Will you be starting with my left arm or my right one? If you grip it from my shoulder, you can pull it right from the socket."

Luo Binghe turns to Shang Qinghua, horrified. Shang Qinghua looks back at him, equally horrified.

The recouperation takes a while. As much as most of Cang Qiong's peak lords hate it, yes, the half-demon boy is indeed their Qing Jing peak lord's emotional support disciple.

au where binghe returns from the abyss three years *late* as opposed to early and sqq loses it and genuinely, openly grieves binghe like he’s dead

#svsss #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #static writes #shen yuan would become a feral barely contained mess of a man #like he just barely manages to look sane #but behind that bare sanity is a guy fully expecting to experience pain for the rest of existence as long as it means binghe is well #when not even luo binghe can fully match his freak uwu #after sqq gets some of his sanity back they match each other's freak again

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lostmyjets · 10 months ago

Text

I often find myself reflecting on the past. I have always struggled with holding on to things— people, places, memories. Whether it be too much or not enough, I fail to find a good balance.

I always tell people I wouldn’t take back my experiences because they have made me stronger, but I admit it’s a front. I admit that I’m damaged. Not beyond repair but it’s difficult for me to find the strength within to surpass it all.

I admit that I’m insecure. I never feel like I’m enough no matter what anyone says. I’m a people pleaser. I want you to think I don’t care what anyone thinks, but I care more than most; more than I should. I try to satisfy people because maybe if I’m exactly what they want me to be I’ll somehow be enough for myself.

I admit that I’m not a good friend. I have so much love in my heart but I struggle with reaching out. I resent myself for not being able to show up more for the people I care about. I often fear being left behind. On the other hand, I know there are so many people I’ve had love for that I simply never spoke to again. We never actually catch up when we say we will.

I admit that I’ve hurt people. I never wanted to but my actions can sometimes be selfish. I think I spent so much of my life not giving a fuck about being alive that I programmed myself to shut down, to shut out, even when I don’t really want to.

Every once in a blue moon I read the news articles from my abuser’s arrest over 10 years ago. I came upon a news article I didn’t recall seeing before and began obsessively digging for a specific press release and court documents to no avail. I hid it from my boyfriend while he laid next to me because I didn’t know how I would explain why I had to find it so badly— I don’t know why.

I still can’t bring myself to reconnect with anyone on that side of my family. My grandma misses me and I miss her but it’s so fucking complicated. Everyone else stopped trying to reach out a long time ago.

My biological mom makes me feel like the most evil person on the planet— rejecting a sick mother begging for my love. But she rejected a sick child literally screaming out for help, begging to be heard. I can’t find it within myself to forgive her excuses for being a bad mother. She’s dying and it haunts me that we may never reconnect again.

I remember being jealous of kids with visual illness. I was rotting from the inside and nobody could see me— I craved the love and attention and affection I watched those kids receive. I actually thought “maybe if I have cancer people will give a fuck about me.” I think I still have some of that mindset engrained in me.

I’ve spent the past year trying to heal from a relationship that put me back in a place I hadn’t been in a long time. I spent the better part of a year trying to prove to myself that this specific man could love me. I tried to find my worth in him. Instead he broke me and before too long I was completely emotionally unstable. I cried more often than not. I was miserable and I believe he wanted me to be. He felt that I deserved it. I know he still believes that I cheated on him and lied about being raped and that pisses me off.

I tried to take my own life and when that didn’t work I numbed myself with drugs so much that I put a dime-sized hole in my septum. That hole in my nose is a daily reminder of everything I went through and I fucking hate it.

I haven’t been the best at relationships since being with him. I dated someone who was almost too good to me because it was such a polar opposite from what I had just been through. He was a great guy but I began seeing my childhood abuser in his face. I told myself to look past it and shoved it all down and stayed with him. One night he was waiting for me to come home from the bar and I went home with someone else. I cheated on him and that was really fucked up of me. I own up to that.

I’m with someone I love so much now but I’m petrified of the ball that always seems to drop.

Life is fucking hard man. I get stuck a lot. I dwell. I can’t let some things go and let other things fall away too easily.

I just needed to dump my thoughts somewhere. Here’s a peek into my brain if you care.

#spilled thoughts #thought dump #trauma

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tired-teacher-blog · 2 years ago

Text

He's home

Characters : Bakugo/ Fem reader

Genre : Fluff, tooth rotting sweetness/ drabble

Summary : When he comes back home after a long day's work, you're the only one he wants to hold in his arms.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

A dream? It almost felt like it, although the feeling of his lips on your skin has always been unmistakable, so maybe it wasn't a dream after all.

_ ".. Katsuki?" his name left your mouth in a broken whisper, one that was affected by remnants of sleep.

_ "Hey beautiful, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you," he was kneeling right by your side, hand gripping the couch's arm rest, "why are you sleeping here? I told you not to wait up didn't I?" he meant to scold you for not getting a proper slumber in your bed, but his soft smile and gentle voice betrayed him.

_ "I know, but I couldn't do that before seeing you first, it's.." you stopped mid sentence, eyes widening as your vision finally cleared up, "you're hurt!"

Night shifts are the worst, only the most wicked and monstrous villains enjoy roaming the streets at those late hours, and even a hero as powerful and vigorous as your boyfriend can still get harmed if he's not careful enough.

_ "I'm fine babe it's nothing." he tried to reassure you, standing back up and extending his arm out for you to hold on to and follow his lead.

You did, wordlessly squeezing his hand and walking towards the bathroom where the first aid kit was stored.

He truly wasn't badly injured, only a scratch on his forehead and a few bruises here and there, but that didn't stop you from worrying or imagining how those injuries came to be. You were lost in your own world, tracing the dark marks on his chest and arms, until a soft chuckle snapped you back to your senses.

_ "I'm truly fine y/n, though I really don't mind the extra attention." he teased, cradling your cheeks and leaning in to capture your lips in a sweet kiss.

He knows the pressure you face on a daily basis, being linked to pro hero Dynamight. The constant distress you're left with each time he's on a mission, the curious paparazzi and jealous fans you find yourself surrounded by ech time you're outside, and who crave nothing but some juicy tidbits about their favorite controversial hero.

He knows it's hard for you and it makes him feel guilty even with your constant reminders that he shouldn't.

He shouldn't, because it was a choice that you have never regretted, you simply cannot imagine being without him, the love and trust and closeness you two share will not be broken no matter what faces you.

_ "I should have been more careful I know." he sounded apologetic but that was not what you wanted, all you ever wanted was for him to be safe, and all you needed to do at that moment was to comfort him.

_ "That's alright honey, you're here now, and you're okay." you smiled tenderly as you continued disinfecting the cut on his forehead before moving to apply ice packs on his bruises.

His fingers kept caressing your sides the whole time you were tending to his injuries, it was a small gesture, but somehow soothed you both.

_ "You can hop in the shower now, I'll be waiting in bed." you kissed him again, once on the cheek and another on the neck, smiling when he obediently did as asked.

Usually, he would give you a suggestive comment like asking if you wanted to join him, but not tonight.

Tonight he wanted to curl up in bed with you, to hold you in his arms as he falls asleep..

A few minutes was all it took for him to reappear, water droplets traveling down his naked torso and disappearing into the waistband of his sweatpants.

Your eyes lingered on his godly muscles just a bit before you wordlessly held out your arms for him, and he wasted no time getting under the covers and trapping you beneath his weight.

He's heavy, almost knocking the air out of your lungs, but you wouldn't give that up for the world. He finally allowed himself a relieved sigh as he squeezed you between his arms and nuzzled your chest.

_ "How was it tonight?" you asked cautiously, unsure if he would like to share that with you, he has always preferred to leave his work matters outside the door after all, since he didn't want anything else to steal his attention away from you. Your time together is the highlight of his day, and the thought of you between his arms is what gives him strength and drives him to do his hardest so he could finally come back to you.

_ "It was fine babe, there is nothing to worry about, trust me." he whispered against your skin, tightening his hold on you.

You didn't need to hear more than that, and the giggles escaping your throat when his lips trailed feathery pecks along your neck and chest were genuine, happy, relieved.

_ "It tickles!" you ran your fingers through his damp hair before grabbing a fistful of those soft unruly locks.

_ "I love you y/n." his voice was slightly above a whisper, as he pressed his ear to your chest and listened to your steady heartbeat.

_ "I love you more Katsuki."

He was back in your arms again, so at least for tonight, you can sleep tightly knowing that he was safe, that he was with you.

#katsuki bakugo headcanons #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugo fanfiction #katsuki bakugo x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugo katuski x reader #bakugou fluff #bakugou x you #bakugou katsuki x you #bakugou katsuki x female reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou katsuki fluff #bakugou katsuki x reader #my hero academia imagines #my hero academia fluff #boku no hero fanfic #boku no hero headcanons #my hero academia headcanons

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sweet-seishu · 3 years ago

Text

Torn (Ran's Part)

Bonten! Ran Haitani x Bonten!Fem Reader

Warnings: smut (18+ only minors, out) unprotected sex, multiple rounds, squirting, oral (f receiving), fingering, just lots of pp touching. angst, fluff, mentions of smoking and drugs, idk what else. But badly written and edited.

A/N: I'm writing a part for Rin to, because I lub him lot and I can't just leave my bby hanging like that. But I've had a lot of Haitani brain rot.

Rindou's Part

“Rin!” You called, walking over to your fellow Bonten Executive, and your closest friend.

“Y/n? You okay?” He asked, looking down at you, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Yeah, I just need your help going over some paper work, some of this doesn't make any sense.” You smiled. He nodded, walking with you to his office.

His brows furrowed as he read the report while you both sat on the couch, a cigarette being shared between the two of you.

“What idiot wrote a report this bad?” Rin asked.

“Who do you think Rinny?” You asked with an eye roll. You took a drag of the cigarette, inhaling the nicotine before passing it back to Rindou. "I swear he writes reports this bad on purpose."

"I have never seen him write one this bad." Rindou said, taking a drag himself.

"Like I said, on purpose." You scoffed. "Because he knows I'm going to have to call him into my office, and he takes every chance he can to make a pass at me while I fix his shitty reports."

"Who's shitty reports?" You heard a voice from the door. You groaned as you looked over to see Ran, flashing a smile at you.

You rolled your eyes as he came in and sat on your other side, his arm going around your shoulders.

“Fuck off Ran.” You told him as you shrugged his arm off.

Your relationship with Ran was complicated. He always got on your last nerve. Ever since you guys fucked that one time, he just never left you alone.

It was only to let out frustrations from an assignment you both had. When you both got back, you were at eachothers throats, trying to put the blame on eachother for failing until he pinned you against the wall. After that he was quick to have you bent over the desk in his office, pulling orgasm after orgasm from you.

Since then he always pushed you to your breaking point. You had to walk away most of the time, cause if you didn't, you would beat the shit out of him.

It didn’t matter that he was one of the most attractive people you’ve ever seen, or that he was one of the best fucks you've had.

And it definitely didn't matter that your heart skipped a beat when he was around you.

“Oh come on y/n, don’t be that way.” He told you. "Just accept my affection."

“And on that note, I’m leaving, I'll see you later Rin.” You told him, standing up and grabbing the report from his hands.

"What about me?" Ran asked with a pout. "Don't you want to see me later to?"

"Drop dead." You said as you walked out.

Ran watched you leave, blatantly staring at your ass until you were out of sight. Rindou smacked him on the back of the head.

“You drool anymore you’ll flood the office.” Rindou stated.

“Can you really blame me?” Ran asked. "Those tight skirts she wears do wonders."

"Well no, I can't blame you, but you don't have to be so damn obvious about it. At least the rest of us can keep our staring discreet." Rindou told him.

“Can I ask you something?” Ran said.

“You're going to anyways.”

“Why does she hate me?”

“I don't think she hates you.” Rindou told him.

“Then why does she always leave when I’m around?” Ran asked. "I mean, I know when we fucked she told me nothing was going to come of it but-"

“You caught feelings, I know. It's hard not to fall for her.." Rindou muttered the last part, hoping his older brother didn't hear him. "Maybe she's annoyed by you because you make an ass out of yourself around her?”

Ran sighed, getting up to grab a drink.

“Why don’t you just act normal?” Rindou asked. "I mean I know you're pretty annoying in general, but with her you go way over board."

“She just makes me so damn nervous. I don’t know how to act.” Ran told him. "I've never felt like this about anyone.. especially a woman like her."

“Well, figure it out." Rin shrugged.

Ran gulped the whiskey down, letting the liquid burn his throat. He couldn't help but wonder what Rindou meant when he said it was easy to fall for you.

•••••

“A gala?” You asked Mikey, who was sitting at the end of the table. "Why is there a gala for us?"

“The other gang that Ran ended up getting a deal with wants to throw us one.” He shrugged. "Celebrate their partnership with us or some shit like that."

"Is it mandatory to go?" You mumbled.

“Yes.” Sanzu told you before snorting the white powder in front of him. "All executives are to be present."

"Fuck." You said under your breath. "So when is it?"

"Saturday."

You sighed, looking over to Rindou who had an unamused look on his face.

"I'll be your date y/n." Ran said with a smile. "It will be fun."

"In your dreams fuckface." You said before getting up.

Ran only slumped in his seat, a pout on his face as he watched you. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Wherever you're not." You smiled sweetly before walking out of the room.

"Man, what did you do to her?" Sanzu asked.

"We fucked once." Ran shrugged. "Been making passes at her ever since."

"Wait you actually got in her pants?" Sanzu chuckled. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to fu-"

"Quiet Sanzu." Rindou snapped. Ran just raised a brow at his brother.

"Anyways.." Ran continued. "I just like messing with her, it's fun for me. She'll give in eventually."

"One day she is going to beat you with your own baton." Rindou told him, getting up and leaving the room.

Everyone just watched as Ran got up to follow his little brother.

He needed to know something.

Once he caught up to him he pushed Rindou into his office, quickly shutting the door behind him.

"You like her." Ran said as Rindou stared at him.

"What?"

"You like y/n." Ran said again.

"What gave you that idea?"

Ran gave his little brother a hard look.

"And so what if I do?" Rindou asked.

Ran sighed, running his fingers through his short purple locks. "You gotta understand my feelings for her Rin."

"You love her. I know that." Rindou said.

Ran just looked forward, not able to say anything.

Because Ran really did love you. You were everything he wanted.

"I'm not trying to take her from you, but you need to treat her better if you want her to give you the time of day." Rindou told Ran. "You also need to understand how I feel about her. I can't keep it to myself anymore Ran."

Ran didn't know what to say as he looked at Rindou.

Of course this would happen.

•••••

"Rin, I'm almost ready, I just need you to help with my zipper! Can you please come here?" You yelled. You had texted asking if Rindou could pick you up the morning of the gala, much to your dismay Ran also tagged along.

"Oh come on y/n I can help instead!" You heard Ran yell back.

"Just ignore him." Rindou said as he walked into your room, closing the door behind him.

Rindou nearly choked on his breath.

Fuck you were pretty.

"You look amazing y/n." Rindou told you quietly.

Your dress was long, navy blue, with a slit that went all the way up your leg and spaghetti straps. The neckline was low, showing off your cleavage and the Bonten tattoo that sat proudly between your pretty tits.

Rindou swallowed, walking over and letting his fingers find the zipper.

You breath hitched as you felt his fingers lightly brush your skin. He was so warm, and this felt way more sensual than it should have.

"Done." Rindou told you. You looked in the mirror, smiling at your appearance before Rindou grabbed you, turning you around to face him.

"Rin?" You asked, looking up at him.

He said nothing, letting his lips find yours, giving you a soft kiss, hands on your hips as he pulled you closer.

When you pulled away you let your eyes flutter open, looking into his lidded eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

"W-what?" You got out of his grasp, not knowing what to do.

"I love you." He repeated. "I'm sorry to drop it on you like this, but I needed to tell you."

"Rindou I-."

"You don't have to say anything." He grabbed your hand, kissing the back of it. "I just needed you to know okay?"

You could only nod as he led you out of the room.

"Let's go Ran." Rindou told his brother.

Ran just looked at you both, and he could tell by just looking at you how deep in thought you were. He knew right away Rindou had told you how he felt, he could read you like a book.

He got up, following the two of you as he tried to figure out how to tell you his own feelings.

•••••

The gala was in full swing when you got there, your arms linked with each of the brothers you were with. Everyone was dressed to the nines, glasses clinking, and music playing while people danced.

Obviously no expense was spared.

“You wanna go to the bar?” Rindou asked.

You nodded as Ran and Rindou walked with you.

"Are you okay?" Ran asked.

You started to feel nervous as you felt eyes on you. Some of the men were blatantly staring, undressing you with their eyes. It nearly made you uncomfortable.

You were usually quite confident, but the stares you were getting gave you a very uneasy feeling.

"Yeah, just anxious I guess." You chuckled. Rindou handed you a drink which you took with a smile. "Just a lot of guys staring."

"You know we won't let any of these pervs touch you right?" Ran assured you.

"Thanks Ran." You told him, smirking. "Does that include you to?"

"I'm not a pervert!" He argued.

"You're the biggest pervert here." You said again, making Ran roll his eyes.

You stayed at the bar for a while, making small conversations with some of the members from the other gang as you all celebrated your new found partnership.

You made sure to stay very close to the Haitanis.

You were laughing at something Ran had brought up when someone cleared their throat behind you.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if the pretty lady here would like to dance?" The gentleman asked. You all paused, looking over to him.

He was handsome, dark hair, nice eyes, but you got a bad vibe from him, which immediately made you feel defensive.

"I'm sorry, I was actually just about to take my date to the dance floor. Let's go Rin." You said as you downed the last of your drink. You grabbed his hand, leading him to the dance floor.

Ran only frowned as you walked away, his brother right behind you.

You placed your arms around Rindou's neck, and his went to your waist, swaying with the music that played.

"Date huh?" Rin smirked.

"I'm sorry, I just got a bad vibe from him that's all." You told him.

"I'll break his leg if you want." Rindou shrugged. You could only laugh at his words.

"You've probably been wanting to break a lot of bones tonight Rin."

"Only the bones of the men looking at you." He whispered, making a chill go down your spine.

Your heart was hammering, being so close to Rindou like this. You were trying to figure out your feelings in that moment as you both swayed, his confession from earlier on replay in your head.

You decided to look back over to Ran, who watched you with such an intense gaze you wanted to cower away.

What was it about Ran that made you feel like this?

When Ran's eyes met yours, he noticed you immediately look away, back at his brother who had said something, making you smile. A jealous feeling settled in his gut seeing you smile at him. He wanted you to smile at him like that.

Fuck he just wanted you to be his.

Kakucho made his way to the older Haitani, ordering a drink before looking over to where Ran's gaze was.

“You gonna talk to her or?” Kakucho asked with a raised brow. “You’ve been watching them for 10 minutes now.”

“Eventually.” Ran shrugged.

“Ran-” Kakucho started.

“I know.” Ran cut him off. Finishing his glass of whiskey before making his way over to where you and his brother were.

You felt a hand on your lower back and you turned to see Ran there, a small smile on his face.

“Can I steal her for a bit Rin?” He asked.

Rindou looked at you first, making sure you were okay. You nodded at him before letting him go, much to his disappointment.

You turned to Ran, letting him place his hands on your waist while yours went around his neck.

Your heart was racing so fast you thought you were going to pass out. Ran only looked at you, watching as you bit your lip, your chest rising quickly as you tried to calm yourself down.

You couldn't ignore the fact that he looked so good tonight, and how intoxicating is scent was to you.

It was overwhelming. Ran was overwhelming.

"You okay?" He asked softly, letting one of his hands rest on your cheek. You were very warm, making Ran concerned.

"I'm sorry, I think I need some air, I'm just gonna go to the balcony." You told him, quickly slipping away.

Ran didn't know what to say as he watched you. Your silver heels clicking on the marble floor.

After a few minutes of letting you be alone outside, he made his way toward you. He watched as you smoked your cigarette, staring down at the streets below.

"Y/n-" Ran started before you turned to him.

"I'm okay." You told him. "Just a lot on my mind."

"You wanna talk about it?" Ran asked, gently plucking the cigarette from your fingers and taking a drag for himself.

"With you?" You scoffed. "You're a complete ass to me all the time Ran. Why would I talk with you? You're just gonna make fun of me or make stupid comments."

Ran could only chuckle at your words, making you glare at him.

"Why are you laughing?" You asked in disbelief. "This is what I mean. You can't take anything seriously, so why would I ever tell you my problems?"

"You're really dense." He told you. "You're a smart girl y/n, but dense."

"Excuse me?"

"You're dense." Ran shrugged, taking another drag. "You really don't notice?"

"Ran I'm not going to play your stupid mind games what are you on about?" You asked.

"For fuck sakes, I'm in love with you stupid." Ran said, body fully turned to face you as he put the cigarette out.

You didn't know what to say as he moved closer to you, didn't know how to react as he moved your hair from your face.

But you whimpered as he attached his lips to yours so softly, so gentle that you nearly wanted to cry.

You pulled away, your hands on his chest as he looked down at you with lidded eyes.

"Ran I-" You choked on your words. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? Y/n how could I not fall for you? You're the only woman who has ever been able to deal with my shit." He chuckled. "You know, I haven't been able to be with anyone else since the night we were together?"

"Ran." You sighed.

You haven't been with anyone since that night either.

"You really don't know the hold you have on me y/n. You're all I think about, all I dream about, you've completely stolen my heart and you don't even realize it. I only act the way I do, because of how nervous you make me all the time. You make me crazy, but in the best way possible."

You looked up into his violet eyes, nothing but sincerity was in them. They made you have this warm feeling in your stomach. You've never seen Ran like this before, usually he is the bane of your existence, a complete thorn in your side.

But this took you by surprise. They way he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered.

You didn't know what to say to him, you couldn't even talk without the words getting caught in your throat. You were so full of emotion you were nearly shaking.

This was different from when Rindou said those 3 words to you. When Ran said them, your heart bursted at the seams with joy, and you felt every single emotion you could feel.

You blinked quickly to get rid of the stinging in your eyes.

Did you love Ran? Yeah, yeah you did.

The banter, the snarky remarks. You thrived on it, your relationship with him. You didn't realize how hard you fell, until he told you that he did.

Or maybe you just didn't want to admit it to yourself before.

You put your hand on his cheek, guiding his lips to yours again. Every emotion you were feeling hit you like a freight train as you let your hands move to find the collar of his shirt. His hands went around you as you both tried to pull eachother impossibly closer.

You both pulled away, foreheads touching eachother as you tried to catch your breath.

You didn't realize that Rindou saw you both, his heart breaking a little as he watched you and his brother.

He knew. He knew for a while the feelings you had for his brother, even if you didn't know them yourself.

But he did hope, that maybe you could love him instead.

He didn't even realize you and Ran had walked up to him until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey bro, I'm gonna take y/n home okay?" Ran told him with a small smile.

"Ran I'll meet you in a sec?" He nodded at you before making his way over to the door of the building.

"Look Rin I-" You started.

"It's okay y/n." He smiled. "I knew this is how it was going to be. I just want you happy."

"Rin, I do love you." You looked at your friend with a sad smile. "Just not in the way you want me to."

"Like I said, it's okay." He tried to hide the hurt in his voice. "You're still my closest friend, nothing will change between us I promise."

"You're sure?" You asked.

"I'm sure." He grabbed your hand, pulling you into a hug. Your arms wrapped tightly around him, making the ache in his chest hurt a little more. "Now go, I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

You only nodded, kissing his cheek before making your way to Ran.

Rindou sighed, making his way over to Sanzu in hopes of drinking his sorrows away.

•••••

It felt like hours before you finally got to your place, locking the door behind you before Ran pushed you against the wall, your lips meeting his in a passionate kiss. You took off his suit jacket, pulling his tie loose as his fingers found the zipper of your dress.

"Ran.." You said breathlessly as your dress fell to the floor along with his clothes, leaving you both in just your underwear. His hands roamed your body leaving goosebumps behind before he picked you up to take you to your bedroom.

He gently lay you down on your bed, taking his place above you, his hand slowly going to wear you needed him the most.

You moaned as he let his fingers play with your folds, bucking into his hand as he attached his lips to your nipple.

"Ran- need you so bad please." You whimpered, needing him do to more. He pulled away from your breast to look at you.

"I'll take care of you y/n don't worry." He pecked your lips before kissing down your body.

He was quick to tear your panties from your body before attaching his mouth to your pussy making you gasp.

"Oh fuck." You moaned, your hands quickly finding his hair, messing up the gelled locks.

You meweled as he took your clit into his mouth, entering two long fingers into your tight hole. You were bucking your hips in rhythm with his movements.

"Ran m'gonna- fuck- cum, gon' cum!" You moaned.

"Cum baby, let go for me." He told you. And that's what made the coil inside you snap. You moaned as you released all over his face, thighs shaking as he helped you through your high.

He pulled away with a smirk, your juices covering his chin as you looked at him. "Taste s'good." He smiled as he wiped the excess off with his arm before hovering above you again.

His fingers never left you as they kept pumping inside you. He attached his lips to your neck, sucking marks into your skin.

"R-Ran s'to mu-" You groaned as he started circling your over sensitive clit with his thumb.

"One more my love, come on." He said into your neck, kissing and licking the skin.

You moaned loudly as he brought you to another orgasm.

"Atta girl." Ran groaned, finally removing his fingers from your tight cunt.

You pulled down his black briefs, wrapping your hand around his impressive length pumping him slowly.

You were quick to put your hand over his growing erection, making Ran groan at the sudden action. He was painfully hard, and needed release.

Needed to be inside of you.

"Ran, wanna make you feel good to." You whispered. He gently grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand away to pin it to the bed by your head.

"Don't worry about me baby, I want tonight to be about you.." He said, letting his nose brush against yours.

"Wanna suck your cock Ran..." You pouted.

"Next time okay?" He told you as he lined up with your entrance, slowly letting himself sink in.

"Ran!" You gasped as he finally bottomed out.

"So tight." He groaned, letting you adjust to his size. "Just as tight as the- fuck- last time."

"Ran." You whispered as you put your hands on his cheeks, staring into his pretty eyes. "I love you."

Ran could only smile as he stared at you with all the love in the world. Hearing those words from your lips, it made him feel things that he never thought he would feel.

You had such a tight hold on his heart.

"I love you to y/n." He said as he started to thrust.

You gasped as he moved inside you, his head resting in your neck.

This was so much different than the last time you both fucked. There was so much more emotion now, your body was on fire as he started to thrust harder and faster.

"F-fuck y/n." Ran groaned. "Feel s'good around me. Such a good girl for me."

You were losing your mind in the pleasure he was bringing you, your nails scratching down his back as you moaned so loudly you swore the whole city could hear you.

But you didn't care.

All you cared about right now was Ran, how he was making you feel more than you've ever felt before.

Everything was Ran.

"Ran, feel so good inside me." You moaned. "Love how you f-full you make me feel."

Ran groaned at your words, sitting up and putting your legs on his shoulders, pistoning his hips harder against you.

Fuck you were so god damn perfect. Your pretty tits bouncing each time his hips met yours, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You looked completely fucked out and it made him crazy know he did that you.

You tried to look at Ran, tried to meet his gaze, wanting to look at him in all his glory, but Ran was fucking you so good you couldn't even think, your mind slowly going dumb.

He was bruising your cervix, hitting that spot inside you that had you close to tears from the pleasure.

"Ran!" You screamed. "Gonna cum again!"

"Come on baby, let go for me, I'm right there with you." He told you, lifting your hips a little so he could fuck you at a deeper angle. "Squeezing me so god damn tight."

You screamed his name as you released, juices dripping down on the sheets and splashing his abdomen as he fucked you through your high.

Ran moaned as he watched you squirt. It triggered his own high, spilling inside you with a groan as you tried to breathe. The air reeked of sex, it was hot as Ran's body crumpled on top of yours.

Your hand gently went up and down his back as he gently kissed your neck, both of you basking in the afterglow.

You whined as he pulled out of you, falling beside you on the bed.

"Just as good as the last time." Ran smirked, running a hand through his messy locks.

"I really hate you." You told him, biting you lip to hide your smile. Ran only chuckled as he pulled you closer. You were both covered in sweat and cum, but neither of you cared.

"No you don't." He told you, kissing your forehead.

"You're right." You kissed his neck lightly. "I don't. But you're still a pain in my ass."

Ran smiled as he looked at you, his hand coming up to your cheek, softly stroking your cheekbone as you stared at him with love filled eyes.

He felt like he could cry, and it made him want to laugh at himself because how did you manage to sneak your way into his heart so quickly?

"What're you thinking about?" You whispered.

"You, and how the hell you managed to make me, me of all people, fall in love with you." He chuckled. "You are something else l/n"

"I'm something else?" You laughed. "Ran I literally couldn't stand you, the real question is how you made me fall in love with you?"

Ran said nothing as he leaned into kiss your lips softly. When he pulled away he smiled.

"Must've been how good I am in the sack." He smirked.

"I seriously can't fucking stand you."

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers smut #tokrev x you #tokrev smut #ran haitani x reader #haitani ran #ran haitani #ran haitani smut #rindou haitani #haitani brothers #haitani rindou #rindou x reader #rindou haitani x reader #bonten ran #bonten #bonten smut #~katie writes○●

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