#i know thats probably not the case but idk thats just my thought process

[poisonouspastels]

i feel bad whenever i complain on here bc i feel like im just being annoying

[neymiiie]

Eyes of the SEES members ~

I’ve always admired artstyles where every character has super unique and recognizable vibes, so decided to try it with the gang. Super fun, highly recommend!

In the process of designing these I developed headcanons for each of their eyes, kind weird but if you want to read me ranting about why I drew Yukaris pupils a certain way or whatever, feel free to click read more lol.

Makoto: I wanted him to look tired, so a lot of his eyelashes go downward instead of upwards, also eye bags because he has insomnia and you can’t convince me otherwise. I didn’t want his eyes to look hollow/empty, but I didn’t want to put super obvious highlights and I think it works? Idk. Also drew his eyes in a way that reminds me of the ocean at night (Atlus gave me a ocean/water motif and I run with it ok?). His eyebrows are kinda “messy” in comparison to the others but I think it makes his eyes prettier so it is in character to me.

Yukari: I wanted her eyes to look a little more intense and turned them a little to give them a slightly “angry look”. Yukari should have a light case of rbf imo. I feel like Yukari puts a lot of effort into her appearance, and she probably wears more makeup but I cannot draw that to save my life lmao. Her eyebrows are probably the least messy other than Mitsurus, for the same reason as the previous one. Also hard to tell, but I put hearts in her pupils because it’s cute. Really proud of these ones, they read like hers so well to me.

Junpei: Junpeis eyes were so fun to draw! I feel like he’d have pretty short lashes and slightly smaller eyes, but still very vibrant! I really wanted his eyes to look full of life but still pretty simple, and I think I did pretty well! They feel very expressive to me. Also I feel like he’d have naturally very thin eyebrows, so gave him that lol.

Akihiko: idk how I feel about these, but I guess they’re alright? Gave him a kinda intense stare ig. I gave him really long natural eyelashes because I feel like he’d have them (canonical pretty boy that he is) and I’m somewhat proud of them because I stuggle with making longer eyelashes look masculine so guess this is a win. Gave him an eyebrow slit because I was so sure he had one in p4arena only to find out he didn’t even have eyebrows in it. What.

Fuuka: I feel like Fuukas neutral expression would still look slightly confused/concerns so her eyes are a little droopy. Gave her short but thick eyebrows because I thought it would be cute. Her eyes kinda remind me of rain and I like that! Also sidenote love the fact that official art draws fuuka with teal eyebrows. The implication that she was either born with teal hair or is so dedicated to the dye job she even dyed her eyebrows is hilarious to me. I know blue is treated as a normal hair color in persona-universe but Fuuka is literally the only one with teal hair how is it not dyed but yosuke and chies is??

Mitsuru: I wanted Mitsuru to be pretty. I gave her thinner but crisp eyebrows and eyeliner. I was a little worried because before I started shading her eyes looked kinda evil?? Lol but they turned out better in the end. Didn’t do a lot of details in her eyes because it felt like it worked better that way, but gave her bright highlights in her eyes to make up for it.

Aigis: These are my least favorite, and the first ones I did. Not sure if thats awful, because I wanted them to be very different from the rest. I feel like Aigis doesn’t actually have this wide eyes but willingly widens them so you can see the whole iris. I feel like her eyes would look more normal at a distance, and most of her classmates just assume she’s got weird eyes because they’re an uncommon eye color (major “give her brown contacts please” energy). Made her eyes look like does target-thingys and slightly plastic-y.

Ken: I didn’t want his eyes to be to bright, but still lively and childish. I gave him round wide eyes + smaller and thicker eyebrows to give a more childish feel. His eyelashes are pretty short but made them point more downwards since they looked too cheerful when turned upwards.

Shinjiro: dunno how readable these are as shinji, but theyre fine. Made his eyes very dark and put bright highlights cause I thought it looked better than the grey he actually has. Also gave him major eyebags because man has not had a good nights rest since like. Last October (sorry)

[mobblespsycho100]

👍psychoanalyze ur kabru playlist now boy

yes I shall #1 boykisser... 🫡

ask game thing

anyway formatting the last post was kinda hell for me. which is why I'll do the same exact formatting for this one...

(rambling all over the place is commencing)

1. Valley of The Dolls by MARINA

baby. where do i freaking begin.

"In the valley of the dolls, we sleep" -> his adoptive mother, Milsiril, is a big fan of collecting dolls. Like, plushies of everything. She animates them to fight, but they're also there to soothe her. She also adopts a lot of children from short-lived races who don't have a family and she got allegations that she treats them all like her dolls lmao... I mean she kind of does in the sense that they're all precious to her. She does respect their autonomy but uhhh still living with such a doting and overbearing/overprotective mother makes u wanna break outta the dollhouse the cage . be free . hashtag transgenderism also gosh im getting off topic . anyway i bet Kabru slept with a lotta those dolls. in his comfy bed . that he left behind because hes not abt that life mama he wanna see the world and save it and get killed in dungeons. boy.

"Got a hole inside of me / Living with identities / That do not belong to me" -> Grouping these lyrics together because it makes sense for my twisted narrative i mean my very real and based takes. Anyway, he's got a hole inside of him the void in his heart (in his mind) and thats why. his autism and ptsd masking swag. thats as eloquent as i can put it. theres a lot more i can say though

"In my life, I got this far" -> He survived the tragedy of Utaya his hometown . the bloodbath because of the dungeon. It has to be for a purpose ™ . It's because he has to save the world from suffering the same fate and it's his burden to bear it's his purpose it was why he survived (the survivor's guilt... goodness man. trauma processing of all time. :[ )

"Now I'm ready for the last hoorah" -> boy . letting these panels speak for itself. putting it under the cut because spoilers for the peeps seeing this maintagged and they're not caught up with manga .

yeah boy hes falling. fallen. uhm. in the pit. Ready for the last hoorah in this case like. yeah 🤣 just leaving it up to laios (Liar . kabru and mithrun dungeon adventure speedrun)

"Dying like a shooting star" -> guy keeps dying. not even like a shooting star really. well. ig hes going out in style somewhat id getting crushed by Falin's chimera dragon claw counts as shooting star style

2. Lip Sinking by The Hoosiers

We all know Sash does not play about The Hoosiers which is why I have 26 damn The Hoosiers songs on there I should get awarded tbh .

Now Lip Sinking is really good because it's another one of those scammer / masking guy anthems i keep talking about. These lyrics in Verse 5 in particular is really easy to match to Kabru's character moment™ though, so let's break it down.

"I float above my body" -> Common depersonalization experience. For trauma reasons, Kabru probably feels like this a lot sometimes but specifically in this scene...

(apologies for no alt text peeps . but this is the friendship confession scene for those in the know if it hasnt loaded in yet)

anyway, back to the show (psychoanalyzing Kabru) . I think this disconnect with his words VS his thoughts and his heart is so real. Like. seeing urself out of ur body is again a depersonalization thing, and idk if hes feeling depersonalization in this moment specifically but he was really out of it and in a sort of , scrambled and intensely anxious state. His usually calm and cool persona slash facade is Crumbling and man he hates that .

"Must be out of my mind / Cos I watch myself / Getting it wrong everytime" -> He's like. man what the hell am I saying

letting the page speak for itself again because It's like. its there i mean its in tha text what am I supposed to dissect hes dissecting himself already 🤭😭 okay. 'What am I saying' 'I can't find the words' so true man idk what the hell im saying either rn

"I can't tell you how I'm really feeling" -> because he doesn't know his own emotions. He thinks he does, he has been so good at controlling them and like being fake about what he's truly feeling in his heart, adjusting his personality for others' sake. So they trust him, believe in him, listen to him. But for Laios, how does he even say anything? Before this, the words just spilling out, he didn't even know how he felt about Laios. It sounds ridiculous even to himself and that's why he clamps his mouth afterwards but indeed it Is what he was truly feeling all along... (and then Laios thinks he's lying and hes like "NO BITCH!!!? what?!!!?! im being vulnerable and honest rn?!?" )

"Cuz I'm just lip-syncing" -> for so long that's what he's been doing. lip syncing, saying things he doesn't really mean to influence others' perception of him... but this time his mouth moved faster than his mind racing with thoughts. that he's able to convey what he truly wanted all along and finally admit to himself and his own consciousness. like. aaaahgh. man hes so special to meeee....

bonus: the outro's lyrics is rlly good aha. he can finally say what he actually feels... he can be #real.

3. Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives

This one is . a lot of vibes I think.

"Are we allies or enemies? / This will be the death of me / This will be the death of me" -> He legit says this to Laios . like hes still wondering if they're allies or enemies . Technically he doesn't want them to be enemies. he's cautious but he knows Laios isn't really a bad guy but like, his mind just keeps fixating on Laios and the steps he takes to get the dungeon under control so. hes desperately trying to figure it out because goodness this guy is so. waugh

"All is fair in love and war, but I can't fight with you anymore / This will be the death of me" -> his mental conflict is sooo tasty to me. like . all is fair in love and war !!! any method is justifiable !!! means justifies the ends but also he understands that in the end he can't fully wrap his head around Laios' love of monsters but he knows that Laios will be the one to conquer the dungeon because he also loves his family. He can't fight with him anymore and he can't "kill" him anymore because somehow this man has wormed his way in. well, he never wanted him dead in the first place but I find that he often thinks about killing him to save humanity from his... well. freakishness (complimentary) (concerning sometimes) ;;; but in the end Kabru lets him go and is willing to trust and support Laios till the end ... also once again the repetitiveness of "this will be the death of me" because he's stressed as helll!!!!

"What happens now, do we have another go?" -> I think this is post-Marcille being talked down out of being dungeon lord . Kabru's probably like ok so now what. well. Laios goes its my turn with the dungeon lording 😭😭 (and shit goes down) (but its okay he got it covered)

"Do we bow out and take our seperate roads?" -> Now this is probably when they're (the whole gang) is like "WHERE'S LAIOS DID HE DIE?" no he lives guys its fine. and namari toshiro and kabru run at him in relief. wauh. and also ofc the whole people coming together to eat faligon meat and save Falin ... yippeee... so yeah they don't go seperate roads because Kabru is like yeah imma be Laios' pr manager . #royaladvisor . sticking with him fr fr

"I'll admit I had my doubts / But I want to be let in, not out / But I want to be let in, not out" -> again the repetition ... of him wanting to help. I've mostly been talking abt how this entire song is Kabru's conflicted thoughts @ Laios but this can also be Kabru lending a helping hand to Mithrun at the end of everything. Because he's the one to like help Mithrun realize that there is a purpose to living and like . new desires and ppl who care abt him... but also yeah Kabru "i want to be let in, not out" because he wants to help out Laios with running the new kingdom instead of being in the background again and being ignored ahhaa he wants to be friends for real (and maybe even . lovers. lets go gay people)

ANYWAYYY YEAH THATS THE END WOOOOO idk how to close this out. happy belated birthday kabru and ty juno for sending this in ajshjdhsb :33 ♡

[imustbenuts]

ouggh could you please elaborate on your criticism of brave Alfonse ...I like hearing your thoughts (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

alright. so this is just a messy sloppy thought vomit essay again im so sorry in advance.

and i am salty overall about this.

in 2 words: traditional conservatism

in many many words:

ALFONSE. OPEN UP YOUR WAY CARVE YOUR OWN PATH WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG IF YOU ARE SAYING HE HAS POTENTIAL JUST. FUCKING. COMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COWARDS! HAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHG learn from your dad's ruling policy yes but don't become your dad and carve for the affection you cannot have jfc

IN MORE WORDS

gustav is. objectively speaking, not a good father in the emotional growth department. I've mentioned and maintained by him looking like an Asian tiger parent from my pov. even if he does lay out proper foundations and maybe good hc adjacent policy for country ruling, his approach of parenting is questionable at best.

I get him operating under pressure and sickness with a limited time left to raise his son in a manner befitting of the throne but like. All sink and no swim? No proper explicit guidance? You can't just be "I want my child to meet expectations and dispense no love", that's just straight up neglect my guy. hes very much the 2 faced proud big important parent person.

realistic, but yuck.

i dont think they even have a father son moment probably ever. Henriette and Gustav have a more functional relationship bc they actually dated and had proper human interaction, but it's likely given cultural asian and high expectations context irl, his kids were treated more like objects and successors. Despite everything he might have felt and expressed behind the scenes. again, the affection is not expressed and conveyed directly enough to his kids, and alfonse being his successor means. alfonse has major daddy issues and anxiety about succeeding the throne.

So now, brave alfonse, having lost this dad and understandably craving for fatherly affection and going through it in the plot, is. you know. in the process of redefining himself. arguably is always, but now, its either he's the successor of, King Gustav the Great II or The Next King of Askr. his role as with many many other of his type are to be a signifier of a new era. thats the whole point of successors!

hes even all "ILL OPEN THE WAY". implying that something before wasnt working out and a new path must be blasted open for a better future. thats the whole theme.

But the effect of Alfonse donning his fathers armor in this case is not respect, it reeks of insecurity! again, does alfonse know his father as Gustav The Person to a reasonable degreee? if by that we mean a neglecful parent but a decent king, okay. but why is there a need to repeat this cycle by wearing from head to toe, from body language to skill 1:1 of his dad. howis this a good thing...

dude. what the hell is intsys doing. do i need to call their parents or what the hell is this conservative traditional filial pathetic nonsense. what the hell happened to all of the other fire emblems who are 5 steps more progressive than this

(granted i do find FE to be very conservative on the whole now that ive stewed in the pot of it all but thats a me thing. it could also be dependant on the writer but idk them well enough to know who does what)

and heres my ideal fucking scenario, right. not very hard. id argue just picking up gustav's mantle OR axe and then working it into a new outfit that is explicit alfonse's would be miles better and what i would want. a signifier that alfonse the character knows himself and wants to walk his own path while honoring the good parts of gustav and discarding the bad.

not this. reanimation method of almost wanting to wear his fathers' skin. as if he cant move on and stand on his feet. as if hes unsure. as if they dont want him to commit (at least not yet bc we gonna milk FEH for as much as we can). despite. all the things that have been happening.

instead of rolling with the punches the armor feels like him not doing that. it might have been an easy alt to decide on, but character wise, i dislike it a lot.

[nattousan]

iirc u said you got a new job, what do you do for work now?

do you ever get anxious while working? fi so how do you cope/make the anxiety go away?

so because i have an art background and my sister recommended me, i'm a labtech at [CHAIN DENTURE MAKING STORE]! And, despite having no background in dentistry, they hired me because i have experience sculpting and making molds, as well as just having a generally amicable and teachable attitude. Its cool because a lot of the skills i developed making sculptures have translated very literally into my work making dentures! Which has allowed me a confidence that means that I actually don't experience any anxiety at work. It's like if you were a prolific smashbros player and nintendo suddenly asked you if you want to be a beta tester haha.

Also your timing is perfect anon bc while I don't personally have anxiety, my partner struggles heavily with it, to the point where they had to take medical leave from work. Idk if you already have a job or are looking but from observing them and my own experience, here's some general tips i can offer you:

- anxiety is a confidence killer, the endless fear and "what-ifs" can be paralyzing, seek out work that you know you can do good in, even if it's not your passion. I'll be honest i never thought about dentistry as a career but im using skills that i'm confident in and im allowing myself to ask questions when i don't know things bc thats what the trainers are there for.

- any sort of "i'm useless, i'm a burden, no one will hire me" self talk is literally your anxiety talking and is of the devil. don't listen to it. you gotta separate your anxious brain from your logical brain and assess uncritically what u bring to the table, are you good at organizing? can you work a spread sheet? do you find cleaning things soothing and satisfying? you gotta tailor your job search to your individual proclivities instead of applying to any random listing you see.

- if you already have a job thats giving you anxiety ask yourself two questions: what specifically about this job is giving me anxiety and can i do anything to avoid/correct it? maybe talk to a supervisor about your triggers and what youre feeling, if they're a good supervisor they'll try and work with you, if you get told to suck it up buttercup thats part of the job, welp, start looking for other places to work.

- PLEASE please PLEASE ask for help!!! at least in my partners case, they initially thought they had to go it alone and weather the job search process on their own but when i tell you there was a whole ass career center with COUNSELORS just waiting to help people find jobs, i'm not kidding! there are resources out there !! USE THEM!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HELPED!! check out your local community college or library to see if they have a career center! Mine does and it opened me up to several trade grants i didn't know about! THEY HAVE THE RESOURCES!! GO USE THEM!

- last and probably hardest for anxious people, you gotta find a way to stop giving a fuck about what people think of you! self confidence stems from within and when you're confident people can pick up on it and are more likely to trust you with things and hire you for things. Even if its a fake confidence! nothing has helped me more out in life is me just doing things because "eh, i got this, i'm sure it'll work out in the end" you gotta actively embrace failure as not a world ending event but a part of the process forward.

if you wanna send me another message about the specifics of your situation i'd be happy to tailor my advice but these are a few of the basics i guess. Like i said, I don't have anxiety but am very close to someone who does and hooboy i do not envy y'all. stay strong, soldier 🫡

[chadsuke]

sasuke with 5, 12, 21, 23 for chara ask game :D

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

this is SO HARD bc usually my sasuke song of the moment is just. whatever song is haunting me. and i adapt that to sasuke in Whatever Way That Must Be. right now the song that is haunting me is what if it doesn't end well by chloe moriondo, but like. probably the beginning by one ok rock it's been on my sasuke/ftcoye playlists literally always. honestly when im writing him i often just... listen to the naruto openings/endings on loop... in which case naruto shippuden opening 19 and naruto shippuden ending 38. yeah. you dont want to know how long i spent on this question the answer is EVERY SONG EVER IS SASUKE IN SOME WAY and if i cant make it sasuke. i prob don't listen to it.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

how can i. sum up with ONE. man. man. first sasuke is non-binary 2 me. when he is not. idk. having a fucking Time Of It he will ponder gender things but in most of canon. well. he is having a Time Of It. he likes his hair being pet. if he does not have Things On His Arms he feels naked doesn't matter what else he's wearing. he definitely thought naruto kissed him on purpose tho thats not. really a headcanon that's canon i just need to always point that out.

he actually quite likes animals and i think he would benefit SO much from an emotional support animal. gives him one. Doesn't like nail polish. he ate so many raw veggies as a child because he was determined to try to Be Healthy but he didn't know how to cook/make a lot so he would just. buy things he could eat raw so he'd just chow down on a fucking cucumber. he has figured out how to do that intimidatingly nowadays. both of his teams find it very funny.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

dealing with his trauma and the fact that he's gotta be touch-starved to an insane extent and everything that's happened in his life that makes him want to rip off his own skin. bc, shockingly, he gets to process jackshit healthily in naruto itself. not that... i think he gets to process healthily in MY writing but thats because like...... theres only so much you can do when ur a child soldier... but i like fucking. dealing with it. also gender things but thats bc i enjoy Gender with every character ever.

uhhhhh i don't. really write things i don't like tbh but i guess i fucking hate writing fights? and sasuke is a hard one to write in fights? general if i don't want 2 write something i. don't.

in OTHER ppl's fics i would say like. virtually everything. i rarely read sasuke-centric fanfics bc i want to reach through the screen and go NO!!!!!!!

23. Favorite picture of this character?

glitter sasuke and sfw sasuke ofc

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[mamamittens]

Not bed time yet but I am having some fun considering this in my head.

More nonsense for Nikia's story!

You know, when I was making her, I did consider other shippy stuff besides Thatch.

Mostly my top fav blorbos, because why not?

It's not a long list (will likely be longer when I actually catch up to OP)

Ace was tempting but out because I mostly just want to hug the poor bean. He needs more of those and some light teasing, it's what he deserves. Nikia and Ace would just devolve into sibling bullshit, I can see it now. She just pesters the shit out of him and while a little bit of that is fine, thats not usually a very healthy couple dynamic.

Marco was another nice idea but that's just my bird + even cooler bird = Really Cool ✨ birds ✨ thought process at work. He also deserves some head kisses though, make no mistake, but less aggressive than Ace's and more "sleep now, u fucking workaholic". They'd vibe together really well though in chill time.

Shanks... I just don't think Nikia could take him seriously and the excessive drinking would not appeal to her at all. Just a no go all around but she would find him fun to hang out with at a party so long as she didn't have to drink too.

And that's about as far as my thoughts went before zeroing in on Thatch for no discernable reason.

Actually, I think it's the smile. I just really like a nice smile.

Funnily enough, I also put some thought to his most popular ship, Izo X Thatch. Not sure how it happened, to be honest. Though I can see why with some thought, it's not as intuitive as Marco X Ace (what with all the fire and contrasting traits). I would be interested to know how this ship got so ubiquitous, it may just be a case of these two not having many other ships in general.

Which raised the question of putting Nikia in there too, but I'm still a tad thrown with the idea of shipping my SI (as somewhat warped from myself as she is) with anyone, let alone two people.

But it has popped up in my mind again. It would give me more plot to thicken up the overall story. Hate writing short stories for OCs, seems like a waste, idk how else to put it. And it would give more reason on Thatch's side to not initiate if him and Izo have a more open relationship. Maybe they can take another lover if the other approves or at least knows (I imagine this is a useful rule as long as you don't get jealous and it helps avoid any awkwardness if it's suddenly revealed).

Some fun drama of Izou chiding him for stringing some poor girl along for a fling and Thatch being offended like "I don't want a fling though! That's the problem!" So they unpack that together as Izou chides him more for giving her his nicest foulard despite not going for it at all. But ultimately understanding why he doesn't because damn, that would be pretty rude to enter a serious commitment only to leave her most of the year while he gets to stay with his other lover. And she hasn't taken a lover of her own yet so she'd literally be left in the cold waiting for him to call! He can't do that! Not to mention it seems a bit much to throw in Izou to the mix when it took so long for Thatch to warm her up to him.

Too complicated and messy despite really wanting it.

And it would give me the perfect opportunity to let Nikia know earlier since Izou would definitely call her once the dust settled. Might keep the dick move of having her still think Thatch is dead but as a deliberate ploy from Izou to partly keep her safe if Teach found out about their... Thing they had going on and so she doesn't accidentally reveal Thatch survives (or maybe at first Izou really did think he'd die). The other part was in the hopes that she'd find someone she could actually commit too without the complicated bullshit of being in a long distance relationship with pirates.

Probably takes a bit to realize that she absolutely really loved Thatch more than a friend and feels horrible for lying.

She doesn't and always asks how he's holding up before even hinting at her own grief, which doesn't help Izou feel any better about lying. Izou would get some shit for that and he feels increasingly worse for his ruse as he calls her regularly to talk. Feels nice to mourn a (sort of) lover with someone who isn't also reeling from the personal betrayal of a shared brother. Maybe he catches feelings too (Thatch will laugh hard at him for this). Admits that he'd have approved wholeheartedly if given the chance but stops before including he would have liked to be involved too, she'd have fit so well with their dynamic on board. Stops because he meant to let her keep her feelings to herself to mourn as she wants without mixing himself with it (how mortifying to be told my a 'dead' man's lover that they know how you felt after the fact the whole time) but the call breaks down into a very emotional one that, once again, does not help his guilt.

Just, the timeline where I bully everyone for a needlessly long time before letting them be happy.

Or maybe I won't do any of that at all but it does make the overall story more interesting, that's for sure!

[sparksnevadas]

HELLO SPARKS TIS I, HERE FOR THE SHOUTING BECAUSE I HAVE MUCH TO SHOUT ABOUT

oh my god Grian. I am BEGGING the three of them to work out their feelings GRIAN IS MAKING A NEST. COME ON. And then the BAKING TOGETHER the cooking and the baking. The fact that they only really get into cookking and baking together because Scar got bored and did something with a guaranteed failure [stacking a mug on top of a bag of powdered sugar come ON scar. And then the peppers and the entire process of both making the omelet and the bread and the banter and the fact that i can so clearly picture the veggie grumbot and jellie. It is so clear in my mind. Everything about that scene is so soft im,,,, emotional. Them. The fact that this is probably the first homemade meal theyve had recently that didn't suck ass tbh. GOD

THE BRACE SCENE IS MAKING ME INSANE BTW,,, I wont like. go into it in your ask box unless you want me to but I have this whole thing about how disability is inherently intimate and your relationships with your loved ones are inherently closer because you depend on them for help and DFLGKJHFSG THE BRAAAAAAAACE IT LEANS IN TO THE WORLDVIEW I HOLD SO NEAR AND DEAR TO MY CHEST!!!!! Mumbo wants to heeeeeeeelp. AND THEY'RE DANCING, AND SCAR IS ABLE TO SUPPORT HIS WEIGHT AND SLKDFGHASDFLKHSAKHLGH I am emotional about disabled scar. I am in my emotions. I'm. god i just want them to REALIZE THEIR EMOTIONS PLEASE AND THANK YOU OH MY GODDDDDDD. I AM RATTLING IN A CAGE LOOKING AT THIS LIKE. NO. IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE ROMANTIC. BUT GODDDDDD. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Mumbo getting to use his engineering skills to make a mobility aid for this man that he loves all because he wants to help im QAQ I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION

everyone is having complicated emotions about everyone else and im so hear for it but im also RATTLING ALL OF THEM TO JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK IT OUT I KNOW THATS NOT HOW HUMANS WORK AND THEYLL GET THERE BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAH

oh my god and the brief little scene we get at the Tailors is so. I am so. I am feeling so normal about it. I know you're reading rift au rn so you've seen the tailor scene in that but i have Feelings about people buying custom clothes for their loved ones its so ENDEARING AUGH. bring back tailors.

Let 👏Bdubs👏Drive👏 hes a perfectly good driver they all made it there in one piece idk what anyone has to complain about 😤Its so in character for him to be a bad driver thats so funny tbh.

GOD AND THEN EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE. Like yeah Pearls there, her and grian get a reunion. JIMMYS THERE- THEY WANT TO HELP! The way Scott takes his job as a journalist so seriously is so endearing im YEEEES. The fact that he respects Mumbo's boundary that he doesnt want to talk to the press and then mumbo decides 'no actually i want to help my,,,,,friend'. THE RELENTLESS TEASING FROM PEARL. THE FACT THAT SHE ATTACKS SCAR WHEN HE COMES INTO THE ROOM. I LOVE PEARL SHES NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HER LIFE. The health potion thing making a comeback. Can you tell my thoughts about this scene are very scrambled i am feeling MANY THINGS in regards to this im LFHKSDFHKL. LOOK AT THEM YOUR HONOR. JUST. WAVES HANDS I AM IN MY EMOTIONS. I am on the edge of my SEAT to see how the general public reacts to the message. I want them to take down the HA im on mumbo and scar's side here but GRIAN BEING EMOTIONAL ABOUT THINKING ABOUT KIDS LOOKING UP TO HIM IM. YEEEEEEEES. RATTLING HIM AROUND.

jimmy timmy jimmy timmy jimmy tim- i love them. I just always love their dynamic tbh. And Pearl and Grian preening each other - the fact that Mumbo doesnt actually know how importnat it is, the fact that pearl bullies it OUT of mumbo that he HAS preened Grian, the fact that pearl keeps teasing grian about his very evident crushes im. THIS CHAPTER IS SO GOOOOD

AUGH god. I love gihasm so much just look at all the character interaction it is So Good.

BELLE!!!!!! HI BELLE HI!!! i am so excited for this

ayy you captured my one sentence about him making a nest! hehehe i didn't want to emphasize it bc i think grian wouldn't want to think too hard on why he had to sleep between two pillows, but yep, he was basically building a little nest.

i made a post about this but honestly food needs to be a love language onto its own: its gift giving, its quality time, its acts of service, its love. slowly but surely grian is seeing a new side of scar :)

PLEASE GO ON ABOUT THAT DUDE!!! literally please go on. i probably wont go into it but scar in my au doesnt like his wheelchair, its why he goes on a crutch so often despite having both options. so he appreciates mumbo's help and warm hands ;) I had made a post thinking about them dancing and originally i was going to save it just for the party but i thought this would be sweeter, more intimate to just dance in your socks in your home with one of the two loves of your life, yknow?

yknow, i added "slowburn" a few months ago to gihasm. you cant blame me, i warned yall!!! <3 but yeah theyll get there :) i just gotta figure out what feels natural to them.

oh belle. you don't know what i have planned for next chapter with their clothes :)

i just. love the idea that scar is a literal criminal, but wont break traffic laws by driving without a license. he just lets bdubs drive and pays people off when he gets into an accident (couldn't he just get himself a license as mayor? he hasnt thought that far)

journalism is really important to me bc one of my undergrad degrees basically trained me as a background/ tech production person for news stations. Journalists have a very important job as the fourth estate, and i never want to play into bad stereotypes. investigative journalism gets people killed-- scott is putting himself in danger by taking on this mission, but he knows that its important that people have all the facts to have an informed opinion. anyways SUPPORT LOCAL JOURNALISM!!!!

timmy :) i made a whole post about how i see scott and jimmys relationship a while ago and its funny that i keep having to say this but him and jimmy arent dating either. but theyre emotionally very involved with each other. Theyre exactly like scar/grian/mumbo, except they know they like each other. i love writing complicated relationships. they have the best communication between all three main/side relationships though, considering theyve talked about dating but cant, given the circumstances my guide to writing pearl:

>bullies grian

>observant

>silly

anywayanywaysanyways, aaaa belle you always make me so happy with your long essays, a double TRIPLE thank you for reading the chapter before i published it and reassuring me. i love ya!!! <3 <3 <3

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

I'm also confused now mhmm

I mean... i'm still very indecisive about how I personally want to view the human mind, its consciousness, and realities... especially in regards to manifestation and reality shifting.

I must say i don't know that much about the writings of those people you mentioned. i'm currently reading neville goddard's books. English isn't my mother tongue. So, the archaic english parts REALLY confuse me sometimes but his way of interpreting the bible is really interesting.

Before getting into law of assumption and reality shifting, I was generally into spirituality and witchcraft. I even had a huge tumblr blog for tarot readings lol... yk through channeling my spirit guides and 'predicting' things so to say. Though, my way of viewing myself and the world I'm in changed a lot over the past view years.

But it's kinda like wanting to set puzzle pieces together but there are puzzles pieces from different pictures and some fit together (physically) that are not really meant to be together (image-wise) iykwim? And later on, you find out that some parts were wrongly put together so you have to revise it (your beliefs) and start again from zero... it's a difficult and really confusing journey imo.

And as i'm not really able to grasp the concept of this reality yet and what role my consciousness in all this plays, it's also really difficult to decide what role other people's souls and 'soulmates' play in this.

Oftentimes, I just want to simplify everything for me just because it all seems so overwhelmingly complicated. (Thats also why i wrote a very vague explanation in that soulmates ask - i tried to keep it simple.) Which reminds of what neville goddard keeps mentioning that humans always try to analyse everything even the simplest things and therefore always end up with complicated 'conclusions' which in turn makes them stray afar from the (very simple) quintessence. (idk if that made sense now lol)

I know this whole rant was probably completely useless to you, it just shows my confusion... sorry once again my mind is very scatterbrained and i don't know where im going with all those thoughts most of the time :')

Anyways, I still have plans to shift to a (what I like to call) 'spirit cafe dr' which is just a dr in a 'otherworldly' caféshop setting where I can talk with my spirit guides and other entities. And I plan to ask them about all this (and more)/to learn from them. I don't know when I will do it, probably not anytime soon because i'm busy with university but I definitely need answers lol

Btw have you already shifted to your jesus dr?

[thanks for this ask!]

and don't apologise for the rant! while i won't claim to understand everything that you've said, i do think you make a point with goddard's belief of analyses. i myself fall subject to that 😭😭

sometimes, we want to understand the world so much—and it's as if each change needs to be predicted, just so we fulfill our desire for knowing. i think that's where your experience with your worldview shifting and my habit of theorising fall under. as you've mentioned, the journey is a puzzle, and in some cases, the pieces never always fit together as expected. we both want to know what would be of us, and why; we want to know when, where, and how it would happen.

my best guess is that it's merely human nature at play. certainty isn't always guaranteed, as can be depicted by the presence of change itself. so, we try to make solutions for a problem that should have been left alone. I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but the processes we take make it our lives harder than we need to. call it a lapse in judgement, if you will.

I'm not as versed with the concept of spirit guides nor do i always try to seek them out, but i do know they're very significant to everyone's journeys. that's mostly a matter of opinion, but don't let it stop you. i hope you get the answers that you seek!

and don't be shy about the rant! it's refreshing to see someone else's thoughts on the matter, actually. it usually takes me some time to respond, but i love long-winded discussions.

as for my jesus DR, not yet, because it's not that urgent for me as of the moment. I'm currently focused on my fame DR. but i do hope to shift (or mini-shift) to my jesus DR at least once this year, on or before christmas [just to celebrate it in time lmao].

[thelastof17]

Valentine’s Day (2/14/23)

it’s may 6th so i don’t remember much abt this day. it was really a regular day, i probably felt just as shitty and was dissociating as much as i usually do during school. it was an A day which meant i had a free period, pe, lunch, french, and then english. my day seemed to be a normal day until i walked into french. i sat down in the first row, my row because no one else sat there, and waited for Mr. Poncey to get situated. he was doing stuff by his desk idk i think he was kind of a mess, trying to figure something out or look for something. it’s hard to remember. Anthony, the italian little freshman with curly hair, was up by the projector where Mr. Poncey was and he was talking to him i think. honestly i was on my phone this entire time (waiting for Mr Poncey to start taking attendance or get everyones attention) and barely paying attention to my surroundings because i think i was on tiktok laughing at something. my water bottle was on my desk in front of me, they were single desks. anyway Anthony walks by my desk and he seems to be getting close. he taps my desk or something. seems odd? not sure what that was but it seems like theres something on my table? mm not sure, my water bottle is blocking whatever it is. “what is that” i can hear nico or maybe somebody else asking. i think they were starring at my desk, him and someone else, can’t remember who. they were talking to Anthony because i think he says “nutella” or chocolate or something. i don’t entirely realize what they are talking abt because i don’t even know whats on my table or if there even is anything so i don’t really process what they’re saying. i try to move my water bottle or peak over it as subtlety as possible because i don’t want to look dumb if nothings there and he just tapped my desk? i drink from my water bottle as an excuse to move it and see if there something in front of me. there’s a tiny glass jar of nutella, yk the tiny like snack/travel size? ones. i’m so confused? i look over at Anthony and i don’t think he’s starring at me. i don’t touch it in case he comes back for it, like he forgot it or something. idk he left it in front of me as he was walking by so nonchalantly, i don’t even think he stopped while he was setting it in front of me. it seemed like he was only tappping my desk bc he didn’t say a word. so by the time class ends he doesn’t come back for it and i don’t want to leave it there in case it really was for me. Joaquin is by the door and he looks exactly like Anthony bc his hood is on and they’re both tiny so i follow him out and call out “anthony” multiple times. he’s not turning around? i try to catch up to him bc hes walking fast and tap him. “anthony.” he turns and i realize its not him. i get embarrassed and say, “oh i thought you were Anthony. do you know why he gave me this?” holding up the tiny jar of nutella. he says no. i turn back toward the classroom door because i could’ve sworn i didn’t see him in there so where did he go? he was walking out of the classroom like smirking? smiling? idk but he reaches the stairs and i figure i won’t catch up to him so i walk the opposite direction bc thats where my english class is. i’ll just ask him why he gave it to me next time i see him. i’m embarrassed all over again though bc i’m pretty sure he was smiling bc he heard me calling Joaquin his name MULTIPLE times, kind of loud bc he wouldn’t turn around and i wasn’t sure if he just couldn’t hear me. i couldn’t stop smiling in my next class or on the way there though. was he shy and thats why he just left it at my desk like that? i always felt that he had a crush on me but im so delusional that i was certain i made it all up in my head. i mean hes an ‘08 im pretty sure! a freshman. and he’s super tiny. i mean hes adorable and he really made my day but yeah... idk. anyway i never ended up asking abt it and he never told me. i also don’t remember very many of the classes after that bc i started skipping A days. any chance i got, i would skip and make up the most bs excuses for it to my mom. i mean it was so easy, i wouldn’t have to be at school until 10am so i could fake sleep in or act like i missed the trolley, idk. i hated my pe class so i kept skipping. eventually i went back and Anthony had apparently transferred. i wish i had asked him abt it. it was something so small and insignificant but so sweet and not insignificant at all. maybe thats what made it so special though, that no words were exchanged bc it was all abt the gesture, the moment. not what it could have been or what it could have led to because the truth is, probably nothing. the beauty in the moment was that he made a sweet gesture which was so tiny he probably hasn’t thought abt it since but i haven’t been able to stop thinking abt. i think its one of the sweetest things anyones done for me. which ig says a lot abt my relationships but theres something abt doing soemthing for a stranger with such pure intentions that you don’t even give them a chance to thank you for it. and you probably have no idea the impact you made on me. anyway, i know and hope you’ll never see this but thank you, Anthony. sincerely, you made me feel seen when i really needed it. you made me realize that i should start doing this for others because if soemthing so small could have me writing a tumblr post abt it months later, why not do it for others who might need it as well. 

[munsonthemisfit]

Okay so

1. Theres a few things that T does, such as changes in weight distribution, deepening voice, stopping of the menstrual cycle, and easier muscle mass gain, that aren't permanent.

I am fine with getting my period again, and once I've figured out a good work out routine to keep my body in relative shape, I won't have to worry too much about the weight and muscle bit, since when I stop it I will be just working to keep the muscle I've already gained and keep any weight off that i don't want. And T hasn't dropped my voice much anyway, so I would need to focus more on training my voice to sound how i want.

However, the permanent changes of facial/body hair, slight change in bone structure, and clitoris uh, enlargement, will not revert back once I stop T, ever. I plan to be on T for a long while still, probably like 5 years or so, to make sure I've gotten all the changes I want out of it before stopping.

2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is to make sure that people aren't getting things willy nilly, it is mainly more of a insurance requirement on my end, as well as the two therapist letters, but most people I have talked to that want top surgery are trans masc/trans man anyway. There's actually a different surgery of getting rid of boobs thats more for cases of breast cancer called a masectomy, and that just kinda gets rid of all the tissue there, leaving the chest more... curved in slightly? And while insurance might not cover that if its not actually medically necessary, I have heard of a few people opting for that just to be rid of them. Its not at all common though. Whereas top surgery takes out some of the breast meat (xD) and kinda reshapes the chest a bit.

And for the sterilization thing, I do want to say that they did ask if I wanted to freeze my eggs at the start of all of this. Cause even though T cannot act as actual birth control, it can kinda mess with the eggs and make it a little more difficult to get pregnant. Depends entirely on the person really, but its nice that they offer that before giving you a prescription.

Knife Anon

Idk what I thought T did, but it wasn’t that. I just thought it made the voice drop and ability to grow more body hair and obviously stop the effect of oestrogen as much… The voice deepening isn’t permanent? So, someone who’s voice got a lot deeper from T, their voice would raise in octave if they stopped taking it? I knew about the clitoris enlargement mostly through Trans creators that I follow on twitter and such because they talked about it, I’m unsure on if it’s offensive to call it a clit/t-dick/dick, people call it different things from what I’ve witnessed but I don’t know what words it’s appropriate for someone like me to say so please lemme know when to stfu because I’m not tryna upset anyone!

Is it like… waaaaay more expensive if it’s not done through insurance? I wonder if you could get things done privately without a therapist letter, or if you need to go through therapy and that whole emotional side of things before you get surgery even if you fully funded everything privately. I’m not suggesting do that duh, you’re already ready to go, I’m just curious on where they lay their rules down for processes and such like that. I’ve seen people getting the sickest tattoos over their top scars and it’s so cool seeing how much happier humans are after healing.

[icharchivist]

ahh... an early valentines day! the last event :0 before act 2!!! like i said, i'd do it before the new year! I’m so hype for a tenma and homare event it’s not even funny. they are some of my favs. i was so confused when they said masumi yuki juza and tasuku have worked at the actors cafe before but then later i realized like. there was probably an actor cafe banner and stuff. mostly i realized this bc i saw yukis outfit, went HOLY SHIT and then remembered!!!! this event!!!!! this event ran when i started a3en!!!!!!! i checked the poster for one day princess and i remember doing that event as well!!! i had the juza ssr for that event!!! crazy... oh speaking of event outfits i know this card was not a part of this event but yukis actor cafe card is one of my FAVORITES. i just think the yellow looks so good on him as does his hair in that card. when i was doing the event missions or whatever i remember he'd pop up and i was always like "ah wow... yukis extra charming in this outfit"

anyways actual chronological thoughts as usual.

homare: oh? you have barely touched your carrot salad, tenma. allow me to finish it up for you.

tenma: thanks, arisu. sorry for always making you do this

me, wiping tears from my eyes: homare you are so so incredibly loving.

its like man... homare u are so. i know why you thought you were incapable of building relationships but u are sooooo good at loving people it makes me feel crazy. anyways i feel tenmas pain. im also picky about food. this is why i learned how to cook. oh but back to my point abt homare like when hes dragging hisoka to the vday shift and hisoka is like "pick me up more gently, arisu" that got me. like wow he is just carrying him around. makes me feel emo but also makes me think. does homare have muscles. side note does everyone in a3 call homare arisu? ive noticed it from tenma and hisoka but am unclear if thats the case for everyone. if it is then it does indeed make a lot of sense why his name is alice in the group chat. whether its just a couple of people or everyone i think its cute anyways.

tenma going "making sweets will be a cinch." is so funny to me tho like I do not believe that tenma is anything other than an unmitigated disaster when cooking. same with homare. it seems like they went thru the process with minimal disaster but they would obviously not be good when left to their own devices lmao.

i do think its sweet that tenma seems to actually like make an effort to eat some of the chocolate that gets sent to his agency? instead of just letting it rot or whatever. idk. its nice. also love how often ppl (me) just forget tenma is super famous. like its really easy to forget. the lil test acting skits they did were so fun! i thought homare and tenma executed their prompt excellently. and taichi with fifanialpalpero tanaka... hes so funny. tsuzuru's writer brain making him lose his mind during it was also great. i bet citron would ace this kind of thing tho.

actual day of... the giant rose display for homare makes me think his publisher must love him. I rly want to know what homares published work is like since he does seem. somewhat popular. like thats so interesting to me.

man. it sucks that like. tenma doesn’t get to act though like :/ poor kid. doesn't get to give out the chocolates he helped make either like man. he went so far out of his comfort zone to do comedy for the summer troupe and u forget it bc it’s like. oh he does such a good job! but then it’s like… he can’t really do all these fun acting challenges the way everyone else can. like for the longest time he never rly super challenged himself to do improv before summer etc. but i also think a part of it must be like. did he ever really get the opportunity. any other troupe would've been like oh my god, thats TENMA SUMERAGI. also that part in act 1 where tenma’s dad punched him and we just forgot abt it. makes me feel crazy. 100% accurate to how middle schoolers / high schoolers would act about it though. it was at this point that i reread pt 26 and 27 of act 1 summer because my god... im going to cry about it for real. like tenmas SUCH a character im content to just see him bicker a lot of the time bc its fun and nice but hes also so. yeah... the way kazunari starts of the ch by offering up his opinions (and theyre good opinions!!!) and that like line of him being more confident in offering opinions will go through to sardine search... the way that tenma's like. mm. i gave my agents contact instead of my parents. whatever. and he also refused a movie offer. and the way hes like no worries i'll go talk to my dad. i'll be back for sure. and he ends up like convincing his father and talks abt his like one previous experience with stage acting and its like... oh this is just a kid who is trying his best to become a better person. gahhh. anyways i dont want to retread over past a3 stuff too much... though i definitely sent shorter asks back then, huh.... wonder how my act 2 messages will look like now hahaha. back to the actual event. hisoka that’s an INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED balloon object. that cake... at first i was thinking to myself like "how do i justify this as assassin training like its a wild skill but unless he was doing some crazy espionage why would he have this skill. well ok maybe thats enough actually some wild spy/assassin experience. alternately he worked in a murderous circus, an option i'm only presenting for the kinda rhyme and bc its funny to me personally" BUT THEN homare says "hm, hisoka did mention that he took a position as a part time balloon artist a while back" which i'd say is even WILDER than any of my conjectures about what his pre-amnesiac life was like because who, post-amnesia, chooses to do that as like. hmm well now that I’ve got no idea what to do with my life guess I’ll work part time as a balloon artist. gotta get money for marshmallows somehow. that's what you decide to go for???

ah and then tenma coming in to save the day with that rose idea!! they don't really touch on it but i imagine the crowds wouldve gotten WORSE with him showing up tho haha... i guess homares publisher brought a truly insane amount of roses. its so funny seeing ppl faint over tenma. such a contrast to his usual vibes. when he showed up though i genuinely thought to myself like in my head "ahh… he’s our reliable leader after all, isn’t he?" like oh my god. i'm not a member of the summer troupe. but tsuzuru going "you really showed us why you’re the summer troupes leader" made me be like :) hehe. we agree.

oh and then the cg!! homare giving tenma carrot cake was so sweet. it was just such a pleasant event and cg i think. their dynamic/relationship is so nice actually. it’s... just nice to see tenma being doted upon if that makes sense? like i think its great that he gets to be made fun of like. in a way i think that goes a long way in terms of making him be more comfortable but its also nice to see this as well. and izumi made everyone chocolate… how sweet of her!! i thought it was cute that tenma thought the chocolate was just for him lol... mb he thought it was a thanks for his rose save at the cafe? but lol. no of course she'd make chocolates for everyone. oh my favorite part though was when that last part ended and it cut to the app and i IMMEDIATELY recognized shoutai... was that ur bg music for the a3en server? thats so lovely. speaking of music i have been looping carry on (we'll be here when you get back) so much this past week. such a fun song. for act 2... i dont think i'll get through it in one stretch of time... so you’ll probably get multiple asks if that’s alright lol?

OMG YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! YOU FINISHED ACT ONE BEFORE NEW YEAr!! I'm impressed you really did amazing there omg!!

I'm so thrilled to see you were thrilled ahah. And yeah, there were a few events which were banner-only with the backstages being acknowledged in future story (for exemple, in Blazing Beach Summer, Juza and Omi are both seen using motorbikes. It's because there was a special biker banner for Tasuku, Juza and Tenma, and Juza's story was especially highlighted with Muku's freaking out about Juza taking up biking and Omi being a little uncomfortable because… You know…. Nachi….). The actor coffee thing def happened with those guys back then.

And OMG!!! this is when you started it!!! man, how it all comes back somehow. But i FEEL YA Yuki's outfit looks SO good. So so so good and charming.

Onto the thoughts!

AND GOD YEAH HOMAREEEEE. You're so right, it shows Homare's loving side so much. Like Homare is really always doing so much for the people he loves, he cares for them, he gives them so many words and poems to express his love, and most of all, he gives as much service as possible he can. And i think it also explains why he's so hard on himself when he can't be of help and it must mean he doesn't love enough, while it's just, he loves so damn much if it is what has him worry… He's just so good. so caring. RIP for your picky eating, at least it fits with Tenma just fine ahah

And DLKFJDf Hisoka's scene is so cute. Homare is really doing everything for this DIVA. Good question about Homare's muscles, i would assume he doesn't but i think he must have a descent built still? One of the later act 3's play Homare is a lead at is a ballet event and this requires a lot of body control to even manage, so i would suspect he's pretty descent still??? That said in Autumn/Winter camp event Tasuku does mention that his whole team is just as strong as a twing except maybe Hisoka, but Hisoka being asleep all the time means he's a wild card, and the rest of Winter is only good at psychological warfare. Schrodigner Muscular Arisu. As for the name i think it depends on people, i don't think it's that wide spread, and also there could be a case of his phone nickname influencing how people end up nicknaming him outside of it. But it's pretty sweet Tenma calls him Arisu too.

AND LMAOOOOOO. I totally agree as far as cooking goes. i would be inclined to believe Homare could cook well if he didn't make "artistic choices" on the way. And for Tenma i think he could have some rafined knowledgeable stuff (like how he lectures Yuki on cleaning the Rice in the first summer story), but he probably hasn't done anything too complicated ever. I believe they're disaster in the making.

TENMA IS SOOO GOOD, he's really trying his best for everyone. And i do love how everyone forgets that as well. Itaru has a minichat at some point about how he saw an Ad with Tenma in it and then came back home to see Tenma be silly and he mentions how much he forgot Tenma was this famous but how much he loved to see Tenma being the way he is in Mankai. Another funny "famous" moment is a Banri minichat saying he saw Tenma's face on a canned soda and found it so funny and wanted to support him so much he bought it, but when he went to the fridge to put his drink in it he saw a huge amount of those canned drinks with different name labels on them in the fridge, meaning others people at the dorm had the same idea. It's just. So funny to me that Mankai either forget he's famous or when they remember they're being so teasy about it.

Their acting this event was so damn cuteeee yes. they all did their best and that's amazing.

AND YEAH FOR HOMARE. He's really popular it seems and his work is really beloved a lot. I really want to see some of his work as well too. Tbh though i always keep thinking about my English Poetry Teacher in uni who went on to tell us that Real Poetry Lovers listens to and read poetry in language they don't understand only to try to feel the vibes from the sounds of it. I was bewildered to meet someone with this opinion IRL and it made me go "wait so the fact Homare is famous oversea as is hinted in have a great trip is… like….. actually realistic??? Poetic nerds are just like that???" it still drives me insane.

YEAH POOR TENMA. It's so sad to see that he can't just approach acting the same way as everyone else yknow? Mankai gave him a lot of opportunities at normalcy and at trying things he couldn't try out as a famous actors but there are still limits due to his fame and that's so sad. Mankai makes him feel so normal at times i wonder how isolating it must be when his past reality comes back and settles in. But yeah god. With what happened with his dad. fucking awful. And yeah i feel you for Tenma :( He went through a lot and his arc was just so. so damn good early on, and i think his story especially is one that works so well with the retrospective aspect of remembering just how far he's come. He's so. So good. I can't wait to see how your act 2 rambles shape up after all this :3c

YEAH HISOKA. Wait no "murderous circus" thE FURTHER AWAY OUR HISOKA FROM THE ONE WHO SHALL NOT BE MENTIONED THE BETTER WE ARE!!! I think though that, Hisoka is just very good at picking up new skills. I feel like the balloon artist thing is more recent but definitely because he's pretty good at picking stuff up from a longer time. And yes, money for marshmallows. …. and gifts, actually because Hisoka is so cute. In the valentine's backstage and in some birthday backstage Hisoka mentions he picked up some work especially so he can pay back the people who took care of him by spoiling them a little as well. Basically you can expect that the plushy he got Sakuya is bc of that as well. He's so good…. even if it's weird stuff to do!!!

TENMA'S PLAN WAS SO GOOD YEAH. I can imagine people snapped pictures on instagram/Twitter or something and the cafe got flooded. But yeah tbh, i'm so used to Tenma being both bullied (lovingly) by the Summer Troupe and him being respected for his serious hard work and his input on things that i totally forgot that he was like. THE Teen star people love because of other reasons it's so off from his vibes. I love that for him. But yes. He truly is our reliable leader. We're all honorary summer troupe members when we get to beam with pride over Tenma's development. Our Boy!!!

THE CG IS SOOO CUTE IMO. I guess Tenma&Homare make this good duo of, both famous people with established fanbase but who didn't get an opportunity to create deep friendships because of their difficulties with articulating their feelings and reading the room, so all they had is this fame and not much more, but now they have people to really back them up and they can bloom and improve on the stuff they struggled with. And with Tenma being his youngster and Homare still learning from the "put yourself in his shoes" advice, i could imagine Homare connecting to Tenma and dotting him even more thanks to that. Winter have similar storybeats to Summer imo but with the aspect of, it's been so long since they are going through their pain that it's harder to unlearn their coping mechanisms, while Summer can adapt and bloom as long as they're well guided. I feel like it shows in the Winter/Summer dynamics like, say, Azuma and Yuki's whole thing. And for Homare and Tenma it just, works so organically and sweetly and it's just so nice to see them interreact like this. And Tenma being doted on by Homare is so so sweet. (would make you forget Homare destroyed one of Tenma's bonsai in a backstage. By trying to help, but. yeah. Rip king.) And yeah for Tenma being made fun at making him more comfortable like, the boy really needed to learn from the catharsis of comedy didn't he.

Izumi is SOOO cute at that. Tenma is being cute at that but goodness.

AND HELPPPPP. Yeah personally i had Shoutai set up as my background music, with Unmask, Usotsuki wa Mahou no Hajimari, es no Yuutsu and Pride of the Knights kind of rotating after that. Shoutai was always the 1 song i always had though!

And omg! so glad you like this song, it's sooo catchy! i really end up looping it a lot too it's soooo so good.

And sure!! i def think you'll prob be better to take it bit by bit, even if by the end you end up making a quick synthesis of everything.

Of course i'm okay with many asks are you kidding me, i'm so excited about you starting act 2. I fucking love act 2 i want all of your thoughts. It'll be fun, i cannot wait :D please do send as many ask as your heart's content!

Thank you sooo much once again for the detailled message <33

it's going to be new year in about 10 mins for me, so, happy new year!! onto a new year and more messages hopefully ;D Wishing you well in the meantime <333

[pastelsceneselfships23]

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[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[flyingspicerack]

Thoughts on Myc's Powers

resposting cause too many bad words before lol

I have my own headcanons, workings, and ideas of how Myc's powers work, so I wanted to write down my interpretation. I've watched inside job probably at least a hundred times over so I've put a lot of thought into this.

There is a lot of info so all of this will be under a read more!!

Myc, without touching appears to be able to detect strong emotional outputs and thoughts on the surface level. It all has to do with the strength of the emotion and thought, as well as the proximity.

Here are some examples of Myc gathering thoughts while NOT touching:

S1E1: -Myc bringing up the concept of putting rat poison into Brett's coffee and Reagan considering it -Myc being able to sense across the table that Glenn is repressing how attracted he is to Brett's little workout promo photos

S1E4: -Myc being able to specifically sense that Brett fucked Glenn's Ex, assuming hes reading the specific anger Glenn feels and the fear and guilt Brett feels

Myc, while touching seems to be able to dig deep into the subconscious or to thoughts not currently being thought about, as well as memories, since memories are tied to thoughts

Examples of WHILE touching:

S1E1: -Brett memorizing Dane Cook routines -Reagan specifically feeling threatened by Brett

S1E4: -Reagan specifically thinking about the older brother from Boy Meets World

S1E5: -Touching Kevin's forehead before pushing him to the ground, unknown what's being read, but Myc is mind reading nonetheless

S1E6: -Reagan's mind full of negative scenarios causing Myc to go sicko mode (he flickers in and out of vibrancy, flails around, and bashes his head into the table before collapsing out of view. i personally believe he was being silly goofy and being over dramatic and pretending to faint, going overboard with the reaction of what he saw, not sure if that was the intention of that bit tho)

Other things of note

-I believe it canon that Myc can only read deep thoughts when touching the head specifically. When reading minds, his flagella turns pink when he uses his powers and that only happens when he's touching someone's head.

-I believe that when he does the touch mind reading, he can go as shallow or as deep as he wants, he can find specific thoughts or search a broad spectrum.

-He's also not a human and probably has way more brain power and capacity as humans do, so he can probably hold more information at once

-He produces bio-cerebrate/psilocybin, part of me wants to think that his liquid is treated or processed in some way before being used in the memory erasers, but not too sure on if that's the case

-HE HAS 2 GOO COLORS?! Okay so this has been driving me insane. Yes he has his blue/green goo thats in several episodes, however in S1E4 after he and Andre are thrown out of the HR meeting, the duo high fives and Myc leaves a PINK residue on Andre's hand. We never see that again, what the hell is it?! I have started a headcanon that the blue is always his liquid he produces in his tank and the pink is like, a film/residue that can build up on him… Then again if that was the case, he'd be leaving behind a trail of pink goo… Idk abt the pink honestly, if anyone knows anything lmk

-I honestly love that in S1E5 when Myc gets his temporary amnesia, his moral compass isnt reset, I genuinely love the fact that he's still an egotistical jerk even when he doesn't know who he even is

S1E9

-His powers are depleted when he looses too much of his psylocibin aka: if he secretes too much he can't read minds anymore

-I'm unsure if he gained the knowledge of all the secrets he learned from the passive, non-touching mind reading, or the tentacle to head contact. Gigi and Andre hooking up at the company Christmas party, Brett thinking Tamiko is hot, Reagan's Carl Sagan thing, and Glenn's dreams.

OR it could be that he's reading all of their minds at once in that scene and just picking out some things he feels right then and there, however I don't think that's the case while looking at the evidence I've already pointed out.

-Lastly, the only other thing I have to say is about how POTENT his secretions/blood is. The psilocybin I mean, I timed it, I timed how fast it took to hit Andre in S1E6 and it literally only took a minute and a half for that shit to hit him, it normally takes at LEAST 30mins to kick in.... So he's got that crazy shit

Anyway, I just did this for fun, have too much time, and like Myc way too much, causing me to think about tiny details like this. Hope ya'll enjoyed