#i know that it is extremely funny to be embarrassed about That . on the fictional boyfriend blog .

[foolwife]

i still get embarrassed suggesting i want a rehabilitation arc for phantom but considering this is bobby fulbrights Whole Fucking Thing, my most favorite thing about him, i think i don't need to justify myself about that one here

[moonshynecybin]

Hey! Just wanted to say I’m in awe of how your writing it’s just so GOOD and FUN and TORUROUS. It’s rly hard to nail the voices and dialogue of characters (especially when writing them speaking in english!) but you always make it so believable. Ur Vale especially is sooo charismatic which like hats off bc a more mercurial man has not been made. 

Re ur charged-airport-conversation fic, I’m intrigued to find out how Marc will handle his sexuality crisis. Will he be in denial? does he very seriously study gay culture like telemetry data? is he getting Grindr? is he seeing it as something to incorporate into his PT routine & somehow translate this to a competitive edge? how did he feel about the pope saying frociaggine????

Also I loved the goofy brother shenanigans, Alex strongest most patient and silliest man alive truly. Extremely funny to think of Alex “please get a girlfriend you’re 30 and annoying me” Marquez having to cope with Marc coming back like “I found one! :3” holding hands with Cervera’s enemy #1 undisputed champ 2015-2024

Anyways, would love to hear any thoughts u had but no pressure! I just wanted to thank u for ur brilliant mind & forget about whatever fresh hell that sprint was 

this one. is one that i plan to maybe actually and fr write out so i shant answer in full because i hope that you'll find out eventually. um. i CAN give you chapter two! of THIS fic where Marc and Vale get stuck in an airport and have a somewhat fraught little bonding session. i have not proofread this OR reread the original so if there's inconsistencies just chill out. theres also a lot of liberties taken with the amount of privacy these guys have on a given race weekend again just chill out. please. they live in different countries and are bitter rivals its hard to get them alone into fictional scenarios. its about 1.4k.

(Part ONE !)

The next time he sees Vale is in the paddock.

It's not unusual to see him— the paddock is small and Vale is always a presence, felt even when he’s gone, indelible—but it’s on the television more often than not these days. Maybe a glimpse of him zooming around on his scooter, ignoring the swing of the camera phones tracking him in his wake. But it’s not like this, never this close up. Vale maintains distance, and Marc has adapted to take his cues from that same distance. He’s not going to be the first to engage, not anymore. 

All that being said, Marc is trying to grab some alone time in between sessions, communing with his lunch and contemplating ways to improve his breaking into Turn 11. He’s tucked into a shady place out of the way, generally out of the range of any stray cameras, when Vale catches him, sliding next to him on the table and leaning forwards on his elbows.

He starts picking at Marc’s food.

Marc reacts reflexively, not even processing that it's Vale who’s at his elbow who is reaching over to snag a bit of his chicken. He lifts his bowl out of reach like he would with Alex. “Hey— that's mine,”

Vale’s game, apparently, shooting him one of those dangerous grins, eyes crinkling at the sides towards Marc like he hasn’t seen in years. He’s brimming with the confidence of someone used to getting away with breaking rules. Marc puts down his food. Lifts a hand, adjusts the cap at the top of his head, and tucks his hair behind his ear. 

This means something. He doesn’t know what.

“Allora, you were not eating it.”

And Marc has always been easy for it—the simple skill he has in spinning a situation into the brightest version of itself, mood turning on a dime. Even when he was destroying Marc, he would do it with a smile. 

It’s that same silverbright thread that makes Marc laugh, disbelieving, a shock of delight. He shoves at the edge of Vale’s arm, jockeying with his elbow. He bites his lip, shakes his head. Would you look at that?

“Presumptuous,” Marc scolds, and tucks back into his lunch, forking another bite into his mouth. Vale grins and leans closer, conspiratorial. That same hot, embarrassed feeling from the airport rears its head, giddy. Marc glances around. There’s no one here. He feels like there is. LIke there’s eyes on them, even though he’d chosen a place where there shouldn't be.

It feels like crossing a line, teetering on the edge of some cliff, one toe over the edge. Hot and anticipatory in the pit of his stomach. There’s a breeze going, and he shivers. Vale leans closer.

He likes it. 

He also knows that he shouldn't like it. He’s gone through this song and dance before. This feeling, this hero worship that he has with Vale never leads him down any good road. He thought– six premier class titles and nearly ten years of vitriol had been an effective cure. Not so, he’s finding out.

Vale corrects, “I see what I see. This I cannot help.”

“Oh yeah? You’ve been watching me?

Vale shrugs, steals another bite. “You do manage to put on a good, ah, show.” He finds the words in Spanish. Marc can’t remember the last time they spoke in Spanish.

Marc takes a breath in. Settles himself. He doesn’t know what the end goal is here. Curiosity wins out— it’s better than wondering why Vale’s here in the first place. What game he’s trying to play. What he thinks he’ll get out of being nice to Marc, aside from that shivery feeling clawing its way up the base of his spine. He should really at least find out if he’s doing this because he plans on not being nice to Marc. 

“How did you find me?” Is what he goes with. Neutral enough. 

“You are not hard to find.” The answer is vague, but frank. Vale loves to speak around things.

Marc raises an eyebrow, decides to just keep looking at him. They both know he’s bullshitting. Vale breaks, and makes a face, shrugging.

“I have been racing here longer than you. I know the hiding spots.”

Marc gives him a minute roll of the eyes. It's still not an answer. “You know, they remodeled not too long ago. The entire layout changed.” Vale would’ve had to work to find him. 

“Not too much!” Vale spreads his palms cheerfully, seizing on a diversion. “The bones are still the same. The stands are over there,” he juts a thumb, “The pits are here. The bathrooms change, but bah. It’s a facelift.”

Marc wrangles down a smile. Vale’s not being serious— he’s being fun. Maybe he’s trying to get him comfortable for some reason. “A lot changes, I think.” He says frankly, and he means it. 

Vale’s eyes flash. He sees Marc’s conviction, catches the double meaning. Another one of their conversations centering around two different issues on the surface, but coming back to their history all the same. The elephant in the room butting into other topics. History, division, and rivalry, all sneaking its way into the cracks in their words. 

Vale keeps going, the lead in their little play.

“Maybe. But it’s not— like, aerodynamics, new regulations, new tires— all that changes. Small stuff.  Opinions, riders. But it is still a paddock. I’ve been in paddocks my entire life. You can’t change much.”

Things change a lot, in Marc’s experience. People. Teams. Bodies. 

Friendships.

And Marc is brave usually, has made a career out of it, so he feels like he has to ask. No use avoiding it and feeling half out of his skin for the rest of the day. Vale’s knee bumps into his own and he closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them Vale is already looking at him

“Why are you here?” He levels.

Vale throws him a soft smile. It comforts exactly no part of Marc.

“Maybe I was looking for a hiding place.”

Marc hesitates, choosing his words carefully. It’s always a spar with Valentino; even when they were friendly, they were still competing.

“Am I the hiding place?”

“Well, I am still more famous than you, is true. Less photographers on you than me. It’s peaceful.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Now there’s a good question.” Vale says, stealing something else off of Marc’s plate. “Today? I was hungry. I thought I’d stop by and eat with an old friend.” The words jolt through Marc like a highside. He’s in the air— lost, flying, falling. 

Vale stands, towering. He claps Marc on the shoulder. It burns white hot. Marc keeps his eyes on him, trying to catch a hint, a clue as to how this all happened. 

An old friend.

“Is that what we are?” He asks, more earnest than he should be. Vale can be such a bastard.

“Well, what would you call it?” He responds, turning the question on Marc, voice quiet. Serious, like he knows whatever hangs between them is as thin as a spiderweb. Marc swallows.

“I don’t know,” Marc answers. still too honest, even now. Something flickers on Vale’s face, too quick and complex for him to read. 

“Think about it.” Vale prompts, and walks away.

Marc finds out that they weren’t alone, in that section of the paddock the next day. The pictures hit the news after the race, headlines rolling in thankfully after Marc has left for home. Valentino Rossi and Marc Marquez sharing lunch, alone on a race weekend ten years after their falling out. What could it mean? 

But Marc’s eyes look at the photo and just catch on Vale’s shoulders, leaning towards Marc, the palm of his hand, arcing through the air as he gestures, frozen on the screen of his phone, and himself, eyes crinkled at the corners. He was wrong. He didn’t manage to reign in that smile after all. 

FRIENDS AGAIN?, the headline asks, and Marc wonders.

[lixie-phoria]

ੈ✩‧ ➛ best friend!hyunjin gets jealous of this new boy you've been talking a little too much about

pairing : best friend!hyunjin x gn reader

prompt : hyunjin can't help but get jealous of the new boy you seem to be infatuated with lately, hating the ugly feeling that burned through his chest everytime you said his name. he wishes he had realized sooner that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, because this new boy was, in fact, only fictional.

genre : fluff, little bit of angst bc hyunjin is jealous :(

word count : 707 words

an : extremely self indulgent haha

hyunjin was in love with you. everybody knew it; his friends knew, your friends knew, even the people in your university that he had never spoken to before knew about it. everyone seemed to know except for you.

but the boy could never confess. everytime he came close to, something always seemed to come in the way. this time it was another boy.

he first heard the name rindou when the two of you were out with a group of friends. he noticed how your phone's screen lit up and the girl sitting right beside you burst into a fit of giggles when she noticed your lockscreen. you switched off your phone before he could catch a glimpse of it himself, but he did hear the faint teasing of your friend. "i know you like rindou, but so much that he's already your lockscreen?"

hyunjin's heart dropped when he noticed the slight blush on your cheeks as you told her to shut up.

he was heartbroken. partly because you were best friends and you apparently didn't feel comfortable enough sharing about this new boy with him, and partly because here he had been pining over you for years and now you were suddenly interested in someone else?

hyunjin wanted to cry. what did rindou have that he did not? heck, he didn't even know who this boy was. he'd asked everyone around campus and there was no rindou who studied there. was it someone you met online? maybe on a dating app?

hyunjin's first impulse was to distance himself from you. it drove him mad, not seeing you for days and hearing the disappointment in your voice everytime he called off a plan.

but it was for the best, right? wrong. he couldn't have been more wrong.

the first time he saw you after an entire week was at a party, and his heart hurt when he saw the smile he loved so much take over your face when you saw him.

you rushed forward, throwing yourself in his arms. hyunjin wanted to wrap his own arms around you and breathe in your scent that he had missed so much and just never let you go. but he pulled away anyways, ignoring the hurt that flashed across your face.

"don't get too close. we don't want your boyfriend getting jealous, do we?"

he didn't meant to sound so crass, but it slipped out and there was nothing he could do about it as you blinked at him blankly. once. then twice.

"what?"

he scoffed. so first you kept rindou a secret from him and then you were going to play dumb? did you think hyunjin was that stupid?

"rindou. the guy who's your new lockscreen. aren't you with him?"

hyunjin was confused as your expression slowly morphed into a horror struck one.

"is that what you're salty about?" you asked incredulously.

"well, of course i'm a bit hurt you didn't tell me about him. i would be happy for you, you know, if you really liked him."

the poor boy was so confused when you burst into a fit of laughter, clutching at his arm for support.

"you mean that rindou?" was all you could manage between gasps as he stared at you with increasing confusion.

what was so funny?

"jinnie, no," you said, shaking your head. "rindou is a fictional character. he doesn't exist. he's from a manga i'm reading"

oh.

hyunjin felt heat rise up his face as he hastily freed his arm from your grasp, turning away from you so you wouldn't notice his increasingly embarrassed expression. rindou was fictional?

gods, hyunjin felt so stupid. all this for a boy who doesn't even exist?

"hyunjin, look at me."

he ignored you, letting out a huff as you tried to control the laughter that threatened to bubble out again.

"jinnie, please?"

"stop calling me that."

"but that's the only way you'll listen to me."

the two of you seemed to have forgotten the party raging around you.

"this is so embarrassing. please leave me alone."

"were you jealous?"

his silence spoke volumes and he heard you huff softly.

"jinnie, turn around, please?"

"so you can laugh at me more?"

"no, you dumbass, so i can kiss some sense into you."

©lixie-phoria, 2023

🏷️ @foxinnie8 , @hamburgers101 , @starlostlaiba (send an ask to be added/removed from the taglist :))

[adarkenedforest]

Love games

What if the twisted wonderland cast found a dating sim on your phone?

Heartslabuyle

Riddle Rosehearts

He is slightly confused at first at this seemingly new app on your phone. You've told him about all the others and how to get them so he'd wonder why you didn't tell him about this one.

He gets more confused about it when he opens it so he goes to ask Trey about it but hiding it as if he had just stumbled upon it on the app store.

So so embarrassed and mildly extremely jealous about it when Trey explains what it is to him.

He confronts you about it the next day (trying to hide his embarrassment and failing).

He gets so so flustered when you tease him about it.

"I should be the only one you're paying attention to!"

Trey Clover

He had borrowed your phone to look at some recipe as his had died when he notices the new app.

Normally he wouldn't pry but he gets curious and opens it up.

Oh boy when he realizes what it is.

He doesn't mind but he can't help but take the opportunity to tease you about it in private just to see you go red.

"I didn't know you were into fictional guys. However will i compete?"

Cater Diamomd

He had just set a cute couples picture you guys had taken as your background on your phone and was about to go find you to give it back when he noticed the new icon on your phone.

Of course he recognized it. It was a very popular game so he knew all about it.

He can't help but tease you about not telling him when he eventually finds you and hands you your phone back.

"Did you think I'd be jealous? I'm way too pretty i know they could never compete."

Ace Trappola

He had stolen your phone because he wanted to prank you again by setting your background pictures to some... Less than attractive pictures of himself when he noticed the little icon.

He finds it so funny when he realizes what it is.

Oh he does absolutely get jealous, but he won't ever let you know that. Ever.

So instead he decides that as payment he has to tease you about it.

"Come on babe, really? I didn't know you were into some anime dudes. Come on they're not even that attractive!"

Deuce Spade

He was just trying to find the gallery bless his heart. He really didn't mean to snoop but he accidentally clicked on the app.

When he realizes what it is he panics.

He tries to play it off that he never saw it but eventually asks you about it to find out your favourite character.

He gets you a little plushy of your favourite as an apology gift.

"I got you this! I know you like him a lot and I felt bad for snooping."

Note: I randomly had this idea last night and I just had to get it down. I will be doing the other dorms but first up is the ever wonderful Heartslabuyl boys! Hope you enjoyed.

-adarkenedforest

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey there! I have a friend who wants to write a character with OCD, but I'm worried that she might not have a fully accurate image of what it is. I don't really know many people with OCD, but if you could could you give some tips to pass on to her? Sorry if this is weird, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought it would be better to get information from someone who is affected by OCD than skim an article about it. Thanks again (p.s. I really love your comics!!)

This is going to go under a cut cause i wrote more than I really intended. It's very long. I put a video clip of a character who I think is a good representation in media at the end if you decide you dont want to read all of that and just skip down there.

The thing is that OCD varies a lot from person to person. My experiences arent gonna look the same as someone else's who also has it. Some people have very visible symptoms, some people have things that are still obviously ocd symptoms but would only be recognized by someone who knew what to look for, some people only have mental symptoms - you wouldnt be able to tell unless you were a mind reader. And just like any other disorder it has a range of severity.

Also not everyone's triggered by the same things. I know you said you'd rather hear from a person than an article, but I think she should look at articles that detail what typical obsessions are (Though she should go in knowing these thoughts are beyond people's control. They're sometimes extremely upsetting, and theyre of course upsetting to the person who has them. They may be very hard to read if you arent well-versed in this stuff.) In fiction I usually see perfection and contamination, but there are wayyyy more than that. Some triggers come and go even. One day I can be completely fine about something and encountering it a different day it might take me 3 months to stop spiraling about it.

An important thing that IS spread across everyone who has it is that giving into compulsions makes things worse. They are a feeling of momentary relief that can fade incredibly quickly, which is what leads people to do them over and over and over again much to the detriment of the person doing it.

There is not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. And it cannot be logic-ed with. You could be the smartest, most level headed, logical person in the world, but you cannot logic your way out of obsessive thoughts. (This usually creates an obsessive thought spiral even, which is bad and can be dangerous...)

Adding onto that, she should think hard about whether the character would know they have OCD or not. The public perception of OCD is not great. Most people dont understand what it looks like, including people who have it. And the people who do have it often feel like they cannot talk about it. (I was encouraged by a psychiatrist to never! talk about the intrusive thoughts I have to ANYONE. She sucked, but it shows the attitude that surrounds the disorder.) And whether they know or not will make a big difference in how they view themself and their mental health. Personally when I did not know I had it I was doing a lot worse mentally. A lot. Frankly it very nearly drove me to suicide. And then I found out what it was, and it helped. It didnt magically make things disappear of course, but it helped.

She also might be tempted to make the characters symptoms manifest in ways that are comedic or silly. I am not bothered by this necessarily, I think a lot of the things I do are silly and would be perceived as funny by an outsider. But if she is going to do this I ask that she makes sure she shows how frustrating and embarrassing it is for the character. If you want an example, there is a character in the show Scrubs with OCD. (Side note, Scrubs is rated TV-14 so turn back now if youre too young but)

His name is Dr Kevin Casey, though you could probably just find his scenes from looking up Scrubs OCD. He is played off as a jovial man whose disorder makes him quirky, but he is given a scene in which you can really see the toll it takes on him. One line he says "Nobody's supposed to see this" hits especially hard.

So if that was too long and you didnt read most of it the number one important thing I'd personally ask is however inconvenient this characters OCD is going to be to everyone else Id like her to make sure she shows that its a million times more inconvenient to the person who has it.

[addie7]

Just a small question..

why do you ship Ivan x Enzo?

Hopefully this doesn't seem mean in anyway just a genuine question because of the age gap plus their maturity differences from them having an 2-3 age gap in canon so it really confuses me and I'd like to hear why you do ship them

(Also an age gap should apply if 20+ because the brain is more mature by then)

And another thing is how different their voices is in the game you can really tell that Ivan does sound younger then Enzo

Oh -, I have no idea how you found out about this honestly. Maybe you have seen it on a blog or in my post about the little story I did about Enzo's marriage and the mysterious person I wanted to portray in a very funny comedy.

Answering your question, with all firmness.

Yes, I honestly ship them.

This has really made me too embarrassed to admit something like this about a taste of mine, maybe this can affect me in some way for some reason, now I wouldn't like to show a stupid drawing related to a ship idealizing their personalities so that they are necessarily together and placing a hashtag "long live homosexuality" (a way of saying).

or something like that...

You know what you really like and but you don't admit it for fear of being rejected, well that person is me haha.

I've been hiding this one

a strange taste for a while until I got tired of it, the reason I shipped them was mainly because they were just friends or colleagues in 2020, but then it developed when I watched the series premiere and I could notice some extremely cute attitudes that They caught my attention. attention attention as mutual concern and a somewhat constant attachment.

Unlike age, for some reason I previously assumed that Ivan was even older than Enzo in the video games due to his skill and intelligence that he was able to muster with the help of his friends (another fun fact of mine).

although it's just fiction and that doesn't really matter...

Personally, I think that two years of age difference does not make much difference in maturity. I just see a pretty cute and innocent, harmless and healthy relationship between these characters in what I want to point out. I only pair them as a simple very tender friendship, companions or something more romantic as long as it is healthy and non-toxic.

Well... they are individual tastes that don't hurt anyone, I hope so.

It is as essential as it is for anyone as long as they have some limit on their expenses.

I say this with all due respect, I don't want my words to be misinterpreted since I don't usually express myself correctly, okay?

I hope that after reading this you suddenly hate me.

SORRY...ICANT, THIS IS SO-

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 11 thoughts

okay!!!! i've kept you waiting long enough. now let's get into the things i liked about this episode while ignoring the stuff i didn't.

first. mulder walking into his office. and scully sitting there in the dark, watching a tape.

this had me HOWLING. how did she get in there? she keeps a key to his house and his office on hand at all times? the level of casualness with which he turned on the lights only for dana scully to be sitting in his office chair, as if it were the most natural of things in the world, floored me. she made herself welcome. she looks up and says hello.

then we get a little lore break to learn about the case and yeah yeah case stuff hold on. did she just say she got there at 6 am?

yes, you heard me correctly, she made her way into his office at 6 in the morning to watch the video and go through all of the related x files. i think i had tears in my eyes at this point and i definitely do now as i recount it. dana scully you are such a little weirdo and i love you so bad. i hope you enjoyed your time rummaging through his stuff. glad his space has really become yours as well.

and his entire lack of reaction to her being there pushed me even further over the edge. like, sure. at this point in their relationship, why not walk in to see her sitting at your desk and going through all your shit? the level of casual intimacy is at once so fucking funny and so heartwarming.

(a few weeks ago i was chatting with a friend about our top five favorite fictional characters, and i made the argument that scully and mulder ought to count as just one character for the sake of the ranking, because of how entirely they blend into one person. and her just being there when he opens the door- and having been there for hours at that point- really solidifies my reasoning. and i had made that argument BEFORE seeing any of s2, let alone this moment)

the next moment that had me laughing was when they went to the convalescent home (which wasn't a word i was familiar with before all of this) and our poor agents get stuck questioning a 74 year old man during his bath time. i already had a "oh noooo" feeling of dread about the whole situation- for how could the academy prepare them for this? and sure enough, he flashed them.

now, this was, like i mentioned in an earlier post, part of an attempt at social commentary that i could and might write an essay on- but let's set that aside here, and just deal with the fact that our poor agents have been put into such an awkward position, while understanding that the scene is being played for comedic value despite how awful that would be irl. because mulder smiles and says "thanks for sharing", while scully also bites back laughter. their faces at this moment had me laughing. it was such a "fuck my entire life" moment for both of them and i felt that extreme case of tv show-induced secondhand embarrassment.

and i think they handled it quite well!!! have we considered giving them a raise? for having to deal with all the haunted children and now creepy old men? god. their poor eyes. "thanks for sharing" stfu mulder... he cannot act seriously for ONE minute!!!!!!

there was another big ass coats moment when they walked outside and spoke with someone involved in running the program. and you know by now that's catnip to me!!!

one of the old men starts choking to death (he was taking mushroom pills he wasn't supposed to) and scully slips into Doctor Mode and it was deeply satisfying to watch. she starts saying fancy words and calling out for certain medications- "this man's in ventricular fibrillation, i need 75 milligrams of lidocaine and one amp of amphinephrine" and i'm sat there like yes. exactly right!!! she's doing serious doctor business!!!!

(i need to edit this image to make it appropriate for when her doctor mode takes over. because this is what i'm always referencing when i say someone is "shifting into ____ mode" and i don't think i've ever spelled that out before so i should here. have not seen seinfeld just saw this image one day and it permanently altered my vocabulary)

there's another moment where she's having a doctor-off with the dude who worked at the place and she said the line "the clinical benefits are marginal at best" and idk man i just like to see her doing her doctorly thing.

(she also gets very doctorly excited about the idea of there being improvements for incurable conditions such as alzheimer's and it's good to see some joy on her)

next thing that had me laughing:

"are you saying that the building's haunted? because if you are, i think you've been working with me for too long, scully" <- said in a flirtatious manner

don't remember what was going on at this point beyond someone had just fallen to death, but i wrote "another scully serving looks moment in the midst of tragedy" and i stand by it. this is really an epidemic. scully stop working angles in front of the dead... or don't because i'm not actually complaining <3

we also see mulder prowling down a dark and damp hall and cracking open a lock to break into a room. which seemed like a typical activity for a guy like him. literally just a tuesday in his life. he found a bunch of mushrooms and i made a frantic note reading along the lines of DO NOT TOUCH THEM because famously mushrooms WILL kill you but he seemed unharmed. thank god.

he's all, what if the mushrooms are what is helping the patients, and scully delivers this banger line: "mulder, mushrooms aren't medicine. they taste good on hamburgers, but they can't raise the dead"

which is 1. a hilarious fucking line just for its sheer ridiculousness, and 2. a critical insight into how scully orders her burgers... which i WILL be adding to my list of useless character facts

the episode winds down with mulder getting trapped in a room with rapidly rising water and we see the door SLAM right before scully can witness the ghosts tossing things about. and the commitment to that gag of her never actually seeing the paranormal stuff really got me there.

then, the door breaks due to the water, and everyone is soaking wet, which is always a good look.

overall, highlight of this episode to me was by far scully breaking into his office at 6 am. nothing will top that for me in terms of comedic value. it has become Her space now. she has claimed you mulder, there is no going back, you are in far too deep and thank god for that because you freaks deserve each other.

[elliespuns]

You shouldn’t even apologize for replying to a random message on your own account, especially since it’s clear you didn’t do it with bad intentions. It wasn’t your idea to spread hate, and I haven’t seen you do that since I started following you (about a month ago, I think). In fact, I think you’re nice.

And even though I also saw that you talked about my fellow countrywoman (Isabela) and I commented a few days ago that it wasn’t her fault for looking young, I didn’t even get upset with you because it was your opinion, and your opinion was quite casual and respectful, which was fine.

Well, I’m using a translator, so there might be errors and of course, I’m anonymous because I’m a little embarrassed. You don’t need to respond to this message; it would be enough if you read it and see that someone supports you and tells you that you didn’t do anything wrong.

adiós y besitosss, not gonna smack you🖤

The worst thing about the whole thing is that I KNOW my intentions weren't bad, but the others don't (and won't) see it that way because it was posted and it can't be taken back (especially when people reblogged it, because even though I deleted the post, it's still out there).

But I get it. It's my fault that I wasn't more careful. People don't see in my head. They have no idea what I've been posting and talking about in the last year. I've always talked about Bella Ramsey with respect. I was getting upset with people calling them ugly, and here I am today... one silly, innocent giggle at a funny face they were making, and everyone thinks I started a bully post. 

Honestly, I wasn't thinking because, as I said in my apology post, I do giggle at game Ellie's silly faces in photos all the time, and I am so used to it by now that giggling at a meme with Bella wouldn't even occur to me to be a bad thing at first.

But at the end, it was a shitty thing (I admit it), because no matter what my intentions were, it looked bad and wasn't nice because Bella is not a fictional character but a real person. The worst part is that I was just honestly chuckling at the silly face they were making, not the fact that someone was actually making fun of them (I wasn't making fun of them when I hit "post" so it didn't occur to me that this would be exactly what it looked like). 

I am not ashamed to admit I was wrong, even though I know a lot of people see me differently now because, as I said, my consciousness is clear. If you look up #bella ramsey on my blog, you won't see any hateful or disrespectful comments or posts about them. Quite the contrary, I was always the one to say they are extremely adorable, and I even remember saying this a long time before S02 was even confirmed, and I was like, "How're they going to pull out the tough look looking like this?!"

I said my peace. In my heart, I did nothing wrong, but on my blog, I did a stupid thing. That was all it was. I kind of deserve the smack, tbh.

Thank you for being so kind. I am glad there are people noticing what I am as a person through my posts.

[hierophant-reversed]

anons back at you... hypnosis, voyeurism, edging, cucking, d/s, humiliation, praise, feet?

OOOH OK [ask game: send me kinks and i'll rate them 1-10!]

HYPNO: hm i'd say like. usually a 7/10? i don't typically go looking for it but the more i think about it, the more i feel like i could reeeally be into it especially in certain contexts. since i haven't sought it out much, i'm not rlly familiar with common tropes/scenes, but i can see it being very good for me lol

VOYEUR: 10/10. i Do seek this out yeah. it's one of those things for me that's like... in some ways one of my worst fears but also in other ways really hot, y'know? i have a lot of fear/paranoia about like. Getting Found Out in ways that go badly for me (like one of my biggest stress nightmares is a family member walking in on me, and i do NOT like that, and my ocd really latches onto it). but in certain scenes i'm super weak to it. like... the trope of one girl masturbating and another watching secretly or walking in... well. (<- guy who is really normal about allowing herself to experience physical intimacy and voicing desires)

EDGING: 8/10 in concept, 6/10 in practice. i think it's hot to imagine, but when i've tried to do it irl it just ends up kind of disappointing. maybe i'm doing it wrong, maybe it's just my antidepressants, idk. i wish it worked though because i like the idea

CUCKING: another one i don't think about much but has potential. 8/10. i don't think it counts as cucking, but i will say that hyperfocusing on a sims 4 build while your two girlfriends have sex on the bed behind you is a pretty funny experience.

DOM/SUB: (is what i assume this is unless there's another thing this stands for that i wasn't aware of) 9/10. this is one that's so normal to me i forget it's a kink. obv there are varying levels/dynamics in these types of relationships but at least whenever i've had sex, i think it's always sort of in the back of my mind: i tend to base my actions on either a dom or sub role (usually dom because it gives me less room to get self conscious halfway through lol). it's not usually very extreme, but it gives me a role to fill, which gives me a loose script or "character" to play, which keeps me from getting too in my head about it. i'm still working really hard to get more comfortable expressing myself when it comes to sex and what i want/like (hence why i have this blog), and i feel like d/s stuff gives me a framework to examine that through.

HUMILIATION: 7/10-10/10 depending on context. irl it only works coming from my partners in specifically sexual settings; i don't get turned on every time i'm embarrassed in day to day life. in fiction though i like it a lot in all kinds of ways. bonus points if we're tying it in with voyeurism.

PRAISE: ∞/10.

FEET: 3/10. i guess i could see it in some contexts but even then it's not so much about the feet themselves as it is the display of power. no judgement to those who do like em though, and who knows? maybe someday i'll see something that changes my mind

[eternalwritess]

Hello! Could I get matchups for Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, and My Hero Academia?

Gender + Pronouns- Nonbinary, they/he/she

Sexuality- Asexual + Lesbian

Personality- Most people I know describe me as funny, sweet, or bubbly. I tend to be anxious and sometimes cold towards people I don’t really know, but once I get comfortable around someone I’ll talk their ears off and rush to share everything I like with them. I’m not very good with understanding social cues and picking up on things like body language. I’m pretty analytical and tend to focus on things that aren’t important in the long run. I joke around a lot, often messing with my friends, and I tend to just say whatever weird things come to mind. However, I have a difficult time being honest about my emotions(which are mostly bottled up) and problems, and I’ve never been comfortable being vulnerable with people. People pleaser. I tend to take things to literally. I’m also book smart but extremely lacking in street smarts, can be quite an airhead at times. I’m also classified as an ISTP-T and have adhd and autism :)

Love languages- Physical contact(only with a select few people), words of affirmation(not really “i love you” more of just compliments, I melt at compliments), and gift giving

Appearance- Long wavy brown hair, tall(5’7 to 5’9 range), not chubby but not thin either, wear a lot of black, mainly skirts, sweaters, and dresses

Likes- Singing, voice acting, musical theatre, hanging out with friends, privacy, stand-up comedy, watching movies/tv, listening to paranormal investigations and horror stories, reading fanfiction, sketching, getting to discuss fictional works I like with other people who like them

Dislikes- People assuming I never know what I’m doing, unwarranted disrespect, other people telling me what I’m feeling, having my feelings and thoughts ignored by others, being ignored, feeling strong emotions(aside from happiness), crying, being vulnerable, birds, mirrors, not completely understanding something

Other: I tend to be attracted to confident(or at least seemingly confident) and strong people

Thank you so much! Hope this is enough info <3

i match you with... 𝓥𝓪𝓰𝓰𝓲𝓮 ██ 20% _ ████ 60% _ █████ 80% _ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 100% ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

❀ I think that when you two met you first arrived in hell without much of an idea of what was going on there. In response people walked up to you noticing that you were new and started to try and hustle you. Luckily for you though Vaggie saw what was going on and kicked their asses

❀ You might've been slightly confused at first as to why she reacted so harshly but once she said why she did what she did you understood a little better and thanked her out for helping you get out of that bad situation

❀ She then asked you if you had anywhere to stay and if you'd like to stay at the hotel where she helped run. Of course she said that you could say 'no' and that you didn't have to come with her but when you said 'yes' she was slightly excited. Not that she showed it though

❀ The moment you entered the hotel Charlie was all over you two jumping up and down and getting you a room in the hotel. She introduced you to literally everything in the vicinity at first Vaggie was going to calm her down but soon later you exhibited the same amount of energy and she just rolled her eyes affectionately at you two

❀ She doesn't know when she fell in love but she only realized it when you two brushed hands while sitting on the couch, watching some shit show of a station. She could feel her heart pounding harder and harder until she excused herself. She went to the bathroom and stared in the mirror for a long time before coming back out.

❀ She didn't confess for about a week, still thinking about her emotions but when she did she was embarrassed and Charlie had to help her through the entire thing to make sure that she didn't chicken out.

 ^ ̳ᴗ ̫ ᴗ ̳^

❀ Physical touch is a constant between you two. She'll constantly hand you hand or keep an arm around your waist. If you two are sitting down together and your hand is just sitting their she'll rest her hand over it gently

❀ She constantly compliments you to make you feel loved as her past as an exorcist made her kinda weird when it came to the whole love thing as she's never experienced it before and since she was most likely complimented a lot as an exorcist she does the same with you. Whenever you do something small she thanks you for it even if you mess up

❀ She'd love to just chill with you on a couch and watch whatever movie or tv show that you want. Of course she might get up everyone now and then to move around, whether thats a trip to the kitchen for some water or your favorite snack, but she'll always come back and say sorry for getting up before giving you something

❀ She'd listen to you rant for hours on end without hesitation. She absolutely adores your voice and finds it extremely comforting to listen to. She'd move closer as you explain things unconsciously too just to get closer and hear you better.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm in some kind of abusive cycle with the blog where people submit their dreams. I love hearing people's dreams, so I follow it thinking it's going to be interesting, and then I have to unfollow because it feels like 90% of the posts are about celebrities and fandom shit, then I forget about it for a while until a really cool/funny/scary/weird dream gets reblogged onto my dash, then I follow it again out of some kind of moronic optimism, and pretty soon I remember why I unfollowed it the last time. I'm not sure which possibility is the worst,

a) that for the most part people only submit dreams involving celebrities or fandoms because they assume no one cares about anything else,

b) most of the submissions are made up but nobody has the brain power to invent anything that doesn't involve celebrities or fandoms,

c) actually a large volume of young people's dreams really are about celebrities and fandoms, like a lot of tumblr users just don't even dream about anything else.

Now that I've typed it all out I'm pretty sure (c) is the worst of all possible worlds, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were really true for a lot of people just based on the sort of online behavior I see. There's a reason the "blorbo from my stories" post blew up (and I often wonder if that person regrets it), about how you can post the most random non-human image possible and you'll still have people in your notifications explaining how it somehow represents whatever their main fandom thing is; "fandom" doesn't describe an interest or even a community anymore, its more like this condition of extreme narrowing of perception and cognition down to like one subject, and somehow this is something you're proud of. Seeing people reblog the blorbo post not to co-sign what OP was saying, but to say "Yay this is totally me!!!" with no sense that they're being criticized was really disturbing. There's actually an even worse version of this where somebody broke down the most common (generally sexual) characterizations and scenarios in fan fiction specifically to show how much of this content just perpetuates really ugly stereotypes and bigoted attitudes, but the fandom people got it and reblogged it like "Yay this is totally me!!!" while OP was going...oh my god doesn't anyone understand what I said? There's this kind of scary, culty "FANDOM GOOD" thing that's like so pathological that it actually affects people's reading comprehension and makes them unable to even perceive criticism unless you push things to the extreme and bring nazis or pedophiles or something into it, you have to go so far as to tell someone they're a bad person to break through with them.

Anyway I know this isn't a scientific fact but I agree with the popular notion that dreams are a way of processing experiences and feelings that you're not done chewing on yet. For the most part your dreams should be made up of things, however filtered they are through symbolic language, that are somehow unresolved for you. You shouldn't be closing your eyes at night and just seeing a stream of the exact same pacifying stuff you choose to watch on TV. If that's happening more than once in a great while, you might have given yourself some form of brain damage, and I'm only being slightly sarcastic about that.

(Actually I think it's probably abnormal if you have a lot of wish fulfillment dreams in general; I used to have this friend who turned out to be completely toxic and nuts, and he was always happy to tell me these dreams he had where like he's a cross between Batman and Superman and he punishes everyone who was ever mean to him and then everyone worships him and he becomes the king of the universe or whatever. And I always thought oh my god, why isn't he embarrassed by this, if I had dreams like that about myself where I'm the best person ever and everyone else is either my victim or my slave, I don't think I would repeat it to anyone! But ANYWAY)

I've probably written this post before without even realizing it, which means I have my own problem where I need to disconnect from this thought process. Tumblr used to be a place where you could see weird, cool, interesting stuff that didn't really exist elsewhere, and it was reasonably easy to curate your experience; now the fandom thing is just at such a critical mass that it feels like you're always about one degree of separation from it no matter what you do. When capacity made that post the other day about how you can't even search for any media you're interested in on tumblr because all you get is the fan activity around the thing and not the thing itself (or god forbid your search involves a normal English word that happens to relate to a fandom, then you're really fucked)--when I first saw that post it had almost 8,000 notes and it was only 7 hours old. Whether you're someone who likes it or not, everyone knew what that was about, we are all experiencing it.

I would probably be slightly less bothered if I just let myself think that all the celebrity and fandom posts clogging up that dream blog are mainly just made up, due to whatever compulsion makes people make up inconsequential bullshit on the internet. I remember when FML was a thing, and at first it was kind of fun and kind of like this shared catharsis thing, but pretty quickly it became full of obviously fake stories that were so extreme they weren't even funny, like if someone said those things out loud in your presence you'd just feel sorry for them, that they want attention so bad they'll tell degrading lies about themselves to get it. Actually though the site started to degenerate into basically two kinds of content, which were not necessarily mutually exclusive, but it was always either people telling degrading lies about themselves for attention, or people telling elaborate stories about how they ate all kinds of poisonous garbage and then they shat themselves in public. And for one thing, I don't think it counts as a proper FML if you deliberately did something that was not a good idea and then immediately suffered the most predictable consequences, you know like eating hot cheetoes in gravy and washing it down with a liter of grape soda and then shitting your pants is kinda the same as "I knowingly stepped in front of a speeding car and it hit me and I was badly injured and now I'm in the hospital, fuck my life!", it's not really a surprising misfortune or irony, it's just something you did on purpose because you have no self-control even though only one outcome was possible. But I always had the feeling that the pants-shitters were American, and like obviously America has a problem with junk food, so I started to wonder if everywhere you go here you're just always near at least one person who is one more bad decision away from shitting their pants. Maybe it's true, I dunno, it's starting to seem likely. Maybe we should just change the name of the country to Pantshitsylvania and get it over with, it's probably what we deserve.

[chaoskid-deer]

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I do have a Seward/Renfield fic that I’ve put down for a bit but would really like to pick up again (there’s another unrelated fic I’m trying to finish drafting first while I still have momentum). It is very tangentially inspired by a post I made about the end goal of Renfield’s worship of Dracula and his belief in accumulative life- what if he wanted to become a vampire so he could consume Dracula himself, who has hundreds of years of accumulated lives within him. 

The main fic is about renfield becoming a vampire and returning to the asylum to drain jack of his blood as revenge. Jack ends up being turned on by it, even as he’s like ‘well this is the end I guess. Being killed by my own patient after failing literally everyone in my life.” It’s got all the things I like about Seward fics: self loathing, unrelenting horny, and absolutely no brakes 

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

I think I research a medium amount- I’ll often reread sections of a book to make sure that I’m staying in character and to see how authors described a location to make sure I’m matching the little details. I’m pretty detailed oriented.

The thing I actually research the most is medical treatment and injuries- they fascinate me and I find it very fun. One of my pet peeves is reading media where characters get hit in the head or something and then decide not to go to the hospital- I’m always like you very likely have intracranial bleeding. You are going to DIE. SEE A DOCTOR. So I always want to get my symptoms to be as accurate and specific as possible and also the treatment as well. I think for Sometimes A Tunnel Only Leads To Darkness I was deep into reading medical journals about the accepted situations for EMTs to reset broken bones. Did you know that usually they just leave the broken bone Like That until they get to the hospital? I got extremely carried away… 

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

I have a horribly embarrassing story about getting super drunk and trying to convince my friend to read my Star Wars fan fiction. Twice. The same friend. So yes, most of my irl friends know I write fan fiction, but I don’t think any of them have actually read any of it. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am somewhat embarrassed to show my irl friends the fanfic I’ve written, especially because some of my fics both require a little bit of “hear me out” and well as being somewhat personally revealing. 

It’s funny, me and one of my friends both write warhammer fan fiction, and we both KNOW the other one writes it, but I know we both write such different types of fan fiction that I think we’re both too embarrassed and afraid of the other’s judgement to show our fanfiction to each other. Maybe one day…  

[earthnashes]

Do you have any fun facts about the “Feathers and Flowers” cast?

ANOTHER OC ASK! Brah thank you I get to talk about me girls. ;w;

I'm gonna keep this short and simple otherwise I'll ramble my head off >_>

---

Kaela: Cowgirl/independent farmer who lives out in the hilly countryside.

-Can handle being in the Extreme Darkness that comes with being out in the wilderness/forests, but cannot tolerate scary games and movies.

-Can speak at least 3 separate languages

-Almost always chewing on something, typically a blade of grass or a toothpick. A habit that developed after she quit smoking.

-Speaking of smoking: even with her quitting some years ago, the smell of smoke never quite leaves her.

Mal: A supernatural entity known as a Spirit. They're basically demigods with magical abilities.

-Carries around a pocket notebook to take notes on anything that fascinates her; this usually is in the form of pencil sketches and notes

-"Lore Keeper." Being a devourer of knowledge and now in direct contact with technology, Mal will go on insane binges to learn as much as possible. She is the resident encyclopedia for lore on weird historical facts and the timelines of games she hasn't even played.

-Loves horror. Finds it particularly funny with how Kaela jumps at almost everything, so she purposefully asks to watch (or play) horror with her to see the reactions

-Exceptional baker. She enjoys cooking but becomes fascinated with human baking for how different it is from her realm's.

-Likes to have her hair played with but won't openly admit it

Sakura: Star athlete and resident celebrity of the town the story takes place in. Slowly becoming an actual celebrity on a national scale due to her skill in the sport Earthball (a fictional sport in the story)

-Part-time streamer. Part of the scholarship requires at least 2 hours worth of online engagement in the athlete's choice. It's largely to keep fans invested. Sakura took to it like a fish takes to water

-Had a "phase" as a teenager, one that revolved around being a little delinquent and may or may not have been a Punk thing. Her best friend Quincy will never let her forget it

-Her tattoo was gained on a dare. She was dared that she couldn't sit long enough to get a tattoo, so naturally she went and got the largest sleeve tattoo to prove everyone wrong. Mission failed successfully.

-Fantastic cook. Loves cooking and will feed the hell out of you if you so much as mention being even slightly hungry.

-Can speak 2 languages; can understand a third but can't really speak it

Evangeline: Timid new student who transferred to the town mid-semester.

-Music buff: knows what seems to be everything and anything that's going on in the music scene. Will suddenly become the chattiest person in the world if you so much as mention her favorite bands

-Can play multiple instruments but is particularly fond of the guitar. Far too embarrassed to play it for anyone though.

-Coffee enthusiast. Grinds her own beans and goes through her meticulous ritual to make the perfect cup every morning at the crack of dawn

-Horseback rider. As a child all the way up to high school she participated mainly in Dressage and was rather good at it, but had to drop it due to an incident.

-----------

Tried to keep it all short and concise for each character; I hope ya like the lil fun facts and thank you so much for asking about my girls! ;w;

[jimmycarterghostland]

About my 33 web novel/web serial:

The premise: The Soynites, a human-looking race of aliens, have to get revenge against the Freeman race, which destroyed their home planet, Soy. And the Soynites have to revive it as well.

33 features alien child rulers, deaths, gray morality, alien corpses that turn into smoke, etc.

It's a dark science-fiction novel.

33 is a multiple point of view novel. There are dozens of different narrators so far, I think. I try hard to make the most important of them have distinct character voices.

It's written in third person past tense.

I have an outline for the future chapters of 33. I even know how this novel will end. Now it's just a matter of finishing the rewriting and then completing the novel itself. I definitely don't write fast enough, though. Especially considering this thing has a planned word count of 20 million words.

33 is the first web serial of mine that I've written a full outline for. Before this one, I never planned a novel so deeply.

...

I should make more social media posts about it, but I'm not eager to put 33 on a pedestal. I did that with Redouln Rising, and it ended up flopping so bad. Each time I mention RR, I feel embarrassed.

I can't mention 33 too much, because it's being rewritten and no one can even read it at the moment. The hiatus has to end first. When chapter 75 is out, people will be able to read this web serial. Currently, chapters 1 through 74 are being rewritten. Over 300,000 words of content.

Personally, I feel the novel starts getting really good around chapter 50. And I have great content planned after the unreleased chapter 75. A coronation, for example. And a few important battle scenes that I'm excited to write. Especially a certain one that will take place inside a Freeman space station. I think the reader will love that battle a whole lot. I know I will. That one will be extremely important, for reasons I cannot say.

Presently, 33 isn't a well-known novel, but every popular thing started with a humble beginning. I'm a highly ambitious person writing a highly ambitious work. So it's important that 33 succeeds and becomes loved by many someday. I want it to be noticed. It's why it has a planned word count of 20 million words. One of the reasons why I want to master the writing craft is to make 33 be a literary masterpiece. If it fails, I will try again with a new, similar web serial.

33 is a special number, hence the title.

The cover's main colors are yellow and light blue, because that's the color scheme of the Invincible comic series. It made me realize how great light blue goes with yellow.

It should take me years to finish writing 33. I want it to be something people will be devoted fans of for years, like people tend to do with popular long-running TV shows. I want 33 to be one of the things people look forward to each week.

If I die before I finish it, that will be terrible. I have an ending in mind, and I'm 97% sure I won't change it. There's much I have planned for 33. I know which characters will be killed off by me and which ones won't. There are scenes I desperately want to write, but am unable to because I have to finish the rewrite first.

The rewrite had to happen. The first version of 33 was full of bad writing. One funny but not-so-funny mistake I made was writing with a plot twist in mind, but not realizing that a certain line in the first chapter made that plot twist not be a surprise at all. The mistake came because I hadn't had the twist planned while I was writing the first draft of chapter one. Now it truly is a plot twist. I pray the original readers of 33 don't remember that certain line. The twist hasn't been revealed, not even before the rewrite. I'm desperate to finally reveal it, though. It's one of the reasons why I wish I wasn't writing this rewrite at all. I'm eager to finally reveal the twist.

33 has humor, but I try to keep it to a bare minimum. I'm not fond of the Marvel Cinematic Universe or Joss Whedon style of humor. I see it as excessive. Plus, too much humor will make 33 seem less dark. I'm not writing a comedy. There are some characters who I try to write as funny ones. One of the occasional narrators, Sabrina Sam, isn't one of them, but sometimes I read her dialogue and it amuses me.

Here's some cruel humor: I'm a writer who can't visualize while reading anymore. When I read 33, no images form in my head. The same thing happens when I read other novels. I love reading, but I don't enjoy it as much as I used to.

33 is a Royal Road exclusive, but you don't need an account to read it. You can simply keep tabs on it. Remember, it's written by Damiyon Wood. I typically go by LoneWolfShayu online.

Ultimately, 33 is the novel I would want to read if I were not me. So I'm writing it(and rewriting it too slowly). I want to make a meaningful contribution to the world of literature. That's another reason why I'm writing this thing.

I pray someday 33 will be an amazing piece of literature.

Thank you for believing in me.

Your friend, LoneWolfShayu.

MARCH 15, 2024 UPDATE: 33 won't be 20 million words long. That's too much of an unrealistic, extremely difficult goal. I don't have that much time on my hands. 33 will be 5 million words long instead.

[rainbowsky]

Hello Rainbowsky!!

You get many asks every day. Antis will tell BJYX is not real while sometimes turtles who are confused may give you different reasons why they think BJYX may not be real. And sometimes turtles who leave the fandom give you reasons why they are leaving the fandom. Still, you have 100% faith that BJYX is real. And by your answers I can see that whatever may happen in the fandom you never loose your confidence on BJYX. For this I want to salute you.

I am a person who easily believes in other people’s words. And on top of that I am a pessimist. Thus, this quality of yours really amazes me.

I want to ask how do you keep your confidence so strong?

Hi Anon! 😊

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

I have to salute you, Anon, because you seem to have picked up on something that maybe not a lot of my readers would necessarily be very conscious of: I'm constantly buried under a pile of other people's doubts, worries and disdain.

I get an extreme volume of nay-saying, questioning, picking apart, attempts to dismantle and debunk, anti messages, hate messages, panic about doubts, grief over theorized breakups, attempted gotcha messages about other CP material that 'proves' they are with someone else, entire lists and catalogs of why people don't believe, etc etc etc. You name it, I see it.

It's funny because I don't think there are many turtles who could read the things that I read every day and still be turtles 😅.

You said of yourself that, "I am a person who easily believes in other people's words." Are you sure it's not, "I am a person who easily believes in other people's negative, cynical words"? Because there are a lot of turtles out there saying positive things, and talking about GG and DD as being in love, etc. and I'm not getting the sense you're deeply attached to their words.

But I can answer your question (and the answer is relevant to that statement of yours) - how do I keep my confidence? Easy:

Everything I believe comes from me, not from other people.

Everything I take in goes through my own internal process of critical thinking, questioning, evaluating, examining, investigation, etc. etc. etc. I think for myself. I make up my own mind based on the evidence I am able to find. I make a genuine, dedicated effort to learn everything I can about a topic and then draw my own conclusions.

This is true of how I decide what is the best brand of pasta, which documentary I want to watch tonight and which mattress will give me the best sleep, every bit as much as how I decide how I feel about capital punishment, who I think will be the best political candidate, and what my spiritual beliefs are.

When you think for yourself, you'll never fall prey to other people's thoughts. You will know where you stand because you arrived at that point through a thorough, rigorous, good-faith process.

I don't know how other people arrive at their ideas, but I get the sense that a LOT of people arrive at their ideas not through the available evidence or a rigorous querying of the subject, but rather through a quick impression of the tone and perceived status of the person speaking to them - and also based on some weird psychosocial calculus about which option it would be more embarrassing to be wrong about.

The thinking seems to go like, "If the person seems really certain of what they're saying, and if I feel socially intimidated by the person and my perception of how authoritative they seem to be (they seem to know more than me), and if I don't want to be seen as someone who would foolishly believe _____ if it turns out to be false, then..." and that's just 5,000 flavors of wrong.

Do your own thinking. No one out there is more qualified than you to evaluate what's best for you to believe and participate in.

Question everyone and everything - including me. Dig into critical thinking, logical fallacies and intellectual self-defense. Learn how to be an independent mind. It will serve you well throughout your life.

As for GG and DD and the fandom (apologies to those who've heard me say this a thousand times): SZD or not shouldn't matter. Just enjoy GG and DD, enjoy their projects, enjoy being a fan and learning more about them, and if SZD comes to you someday that's fine. If it never does, that's fine too.

There is no obligation to believe SZD in order to be a turtle or to enjoy being a fan. In fact, those who get overly invested in whether GG and DD are a real couple only make themselves miserable.

[imjustanasshole]

I was just sitting here, studying, and listening to my funny little gay byler playlist when my funny little gay brain had an idea for a funny little gay scenario so I'm going to explain it because there is no way I'm gonna be thinking about this all day on my own.

So we all know that Mike wants to be a writer, right? I'm assuming that's like an established fact (no idea if it's 100% canon but idgaf, it's canon). And as a fellow writer apprentice I know for a fact that the first thing you have to learn is to write in all four literary genres (drama, fiction, nonfiction and poetry), and then when you find the one you're most comfortable with you look into the subgenres and usually find one (or two) and kind of stick with it (this is not always the case but it's the most usual).

Right, so you may be wondering why the fuck am I ranting about my special interest instead of just getting to the point but bear with me dear.

I imagine that Mike is probably more inclined to fiction, and inside that either fantasy or sci-fi (because of the whole being a DM thing, which involves A LOT of fantastic writing and plotting), but he still tried other styles because why not? It's not like he can really experiment with anything else in his life, so might as well. When El and Will moved to California my boy probably had way more free time than before, and I'm guessing he started writing more to distract himself.

--

So he suddenly found himself writing poetry. About nothing in particular, a few of them were about saying goodbye to the summer and welcoming autumn, in others he romanticised random moments, and there were some that he just shoved on the bottom of a drawer in embarrassment when he realised what he was doing. But he had never told anyone about them.

Writing letters to El was easy, like everything with her, they were all organised and simple to read since it was still kind hard for her. He always knew what to write to her about: how was everyone doing, the begging of the school year, his teachers, a lot of 'I miss you's... And asking about Will, he always asked about Will. He found it easier than directly writing to him, since every single time he tried to his mind went blank after "Dear Will".

One afternoon, after recklessly neglecting his best friend for weeks, he decided that enough was enough and promised himself that he wouldn't get up from his desk until he had written a letter to Will. And so he started to write. He spent hours and hours writing and erasing and scratching words, using multiple pieces of paper, saving some and throwing others away, extremely focused. So much that he didn't even hear his mother calling him at dinner time, Nancy had to go up and knock on his door, which made him snap out of his trance.

"Mike, dinner!" She yelled from the hall.

He went down and ate with his family but couldn't concentrate, he wanted to make sure the letter was good, Will deserved at least a decent letter. So as soon as he was dismissed he ran up stairs and locked himself in his room. He suddenly realised he had blacked-out completely and didn't remember essentially anything that was on the papers, so he grabbed what at the time he had considered the best draft and started reading through it. He was shocked. For a moment he thought he was accidentally reading one of his practice poems, but soon realised he had never wrote one titled "Dear Will", well, now he technically had. It was line after line of poetry, describing the feeling of missing Will with metaphors and comparisons such as how the trees miss their leafs on winter. 'You're my summer, Will' he had written on the third page 'I long for you like I do for the flowers on winter'.

What. The. Fuck.

By the time he finished reading through everything it was already past midnight. Mike was speechless. He kept staring at the letter as if hoping that it would change the content on its pages.

He couldn't understand. He had never had any trouble switching back from poetry when writing to El, why was it different with Will? Why did he write him a poem?

Then he abruptly came to a realisation.

"Oh no." He mumbled to himself getting up from the floor. "No, no, no." He staggered towards his desk, landing on his knees. He pulled out all his poems from one of his shelves and he scattered them on the floor. "Oh no."

All of them were about Will. Of fucking course.

The place were they met, their sleepovers, old campaigns, his old house in Hawkins, his drawings... Even the poetic description of an "imaginary person" was just a written portrait of Will.

Mike's whole body went numb. How could it be? Is this even a coincidence? Was Will his muse?

"No." He said, a little louder than intended, and he threw all of it to the trash. He wanted to scream and cry and burn it all.

He just decided to go to bed and never think about it again. But of course, things are never that easy for Mike Wheeler, aren't they? Through his head echoed the question 'Is Will my muse?' Over and over. He knew one thing was true, that letter was one of the best things he'd ever written. Could he even call himself a writer after throwing away his best work?

He groaned and got up from his bed, then he rescued all the crumbled pieces of paper from the trash can and hid them very deep inside of one of his drawers. All would be well if he never wrote a letter to Will ever again. Yes, that's it, that's the best solution. The only solution.

--

Yeah so, that's it, I didn't plan for this to be a whole ass one-shot, just a little thought, but now it's done so thanks for reading!!!!

I thought this could be a cute explanation for why Mike didn't write to Will and heard about him through El instead, but it's just an idea.

edit: I had to go through this again a day after and I changed some minor things (mostly just orthography), I think it's better written now. anyway thanks to everyone who interacted, you're all so nice :')