#i know that it is extremely funny to be embarrassed about That . on the fictional boyfriend blog .

[foolwife]

i still get embarrassed suggesting i want a rehabilitation arc for phantom but considering this is bobby fulbrights Whole Fucking Thing, my most favorite thing about him, i think i don't need to justify myself about that one here

[moonshynecybin]

Hey! Just wanted to say I’m in awe of how your writing it’s just so GOOD and FUN and TORUROUS. It’s rly hard to nail the voices and dialogue of characters (especially when writing them speaking in english!) but you always make it so believable. Ur Vale especially is sooo charismatic which like hats off bc a more mercurial man has not been made. 

Re ur charged-airport-conversation fic, I’m intrigued to find out how Marc will handle his sexuality crisis. Will he be in denial? does he very seriously study gay culture like telemetry data? is he getting Grindr? is he seeing it as something to incorporate into his PT routine & somehow translate this to a competitive edge? how did he feel about the pope saying frociaggine????

Also I loved the goofy brother shenanigans, Alex strongest most patient and silliest man alive truly. Extremely funny to think of Alex “please get a girlfriend you’re 30 and annoying me” Marquez having to cope with Marc coming back like “I found one! :3” holding hands with Cervera’s enemy #1 undisputed champ 2015-2024

Anyways, would love to hear any thoughts u had but no pressure! I just wanted to thank u for ur brilliant mind & forget about whatever fresh hell that sprint was 

this one. is one that i plan to maybe actually and fr write out so i shant answer in full because i hope that you'll find out eventually. um. i CAN give you chapter two! of THIS fic where Marc and Vale get stuck in an airport and have a somewhat fraught little bonding session. i have not proofread this OR reread the original so if there's inconsistencies just chill out. theres also a lot of liberties taken with the amount of privacy these guys have on a given race weekend again just chill out. please. they live in different countries and are bitter rivals its hard to get them alone into fictional scenarios. its about 1.4k.

(Part ONE !)

The next time he sees Vale is in the paddock.

It's not unusual to see him— the paddock is small and Vale is always a presence, felt even when he’s gone, indelible—but it’s on the television more often than not these days. Maybe a glimpse of him zooming around on his scooter, ignoring the swing of the camera phones tracking him in his wake. But it’s not like this, never this close up. Vale maintains distance, and Marc has adapted to take his cues from that same distance. He’s not going to be the first to engage, not anymore. 

All that being said, Marc is trying to grab some alone time in between sessions, communing with his lunch and contemplating ways to improve his breaking into Turn 11. He’s tucked into a shady place out of the way, generally out of the range of any stray cameras, when Vale catches him, sliding next to him on the table and leaning forwards on his elbows.

He starts picking at Marc’s food.

Marc reacts reflexively, not even processing that it's Vale who’s at his elbow who is reaching over to snag a bit of his chicken. He lifts his bowl out of reach like he would with Alex. “Hey— that's mine,”

Vale’s game, apparently, shooting him one of those dangerous grins, eyes crinkling at the sides towards Marc like he hasn’t seen in years. He’s brimming with the confidence of someone used to getting away with breaking rules. Marc puts down his food. Lifts a hand, adjusts the cap at the top of his head, and tucks his hair behind his ear. 

This means something. He doesn’t know what.

“Allora, you were not eating it.”

And Marc has always been easy for it—the simple skill he has in spinning a situation into the brightest version of itself, mood turning on a dime. Even when he was destroying Marc, he would do it with a smile. 

It’s that same silverbright thread that makes Marc laugh, disbelieving, a shock of delight. He shoves at the edge of Vale’s arm, jockeying with his elbow. He bites his lip, shakes his head. Would you look at that?

“Presumptuous,” Marc scolds, and tucks back into his lunch, forking another bite into his mouth. Vale grins and leans closer, conspiratorial. That same hot, embarrassed feeling from the airport rears its head, giddy. Marc glances around. There’s no one here. He feels like there is. LIke there’s eyes on them, even though he’d chosen a place where there shouldn't be.

It feels like crossing a line, teetering on the edge of some cliff, one toe over the edge. Hot and anticipatory in the pit of his stomach. There’s a breeze going, and he shivers. Vale leans closer.

He likes it. 

He also knows that he shouldn't like it. He’s gone through this song and dance before. This feeling, this hero worship that he has with Vale never leads him down any good road. He thought– six premier class titles and nearly ten years of vitriol had been an effective cure. Not so, he’s finding out.

Vale corrects, “I see what I see. This I cannot help.”

“Oh yeah? You’ve been watching me?

Vale shrugs, steals another bite. “You do manage to put on a good, ah, show.” He finds the words in Spanish. Marc can’t remember the last time they spoke in Spanish.

Marc takes a breath in. Settles himself. He doesn’t know what the end goal is here. Curiosity wins out— it’s better than wondering why Vale’s here in the first place. What game he’s trying to play. What he thinks he’ll get out of being nice to Marc, aside from that shivery feeling clawing its way up the base of his spine. He should really at least find out if he’s doing this because he plans on not being nice to Marc. 

“How did you find me?” Is what he goes with. Neutral enough. 

“You are not hard to find.” The answer is vague, but frank. Vale loves to speak around things.

Marc raises an eyebrow, decides to just keep looking at him. They both know he’s bullshitting. Vale breaks, and makes a face, shrugging.

“I have been racing here longer than you. I know the hiding spots.”

Marc gives him a minute roll of the eyes. It's still not an answer. “You know, they remodeled not too long ago. The entire layout changed.” Vale would’ve had to work to find him. 

“Not too much!” Vale spreads his palms cheerfully, seizing on a diversion. “The bones are still the same. The stands are over there,” he juts a thumb, “The pits are here. The bathrooms change, but bah. It’s a facelift.”

Marc wrangles down a smile. Vale’s not being serious— he’s being fun. Maybe he’s trying to get him comfortable for some reason. “A lot changes, I think.” He says frankly, and he means it. 

Vale’s eyes flash. He sees Marc’s conviction, catches the double meaning. Another one of their conversations centering around two different issues on the surface, but coming back to their history all the same. The elephant in the room butting into other topics. History, division, and rivalry, all sneaking its way into the cracks in their words. 

Vale keeps going, the lead in their little play.

“Maybe. But it’s not— like, aerodynamics, new regulations, new tires— all that changes. Small stuff.  Opinions, riders. But it is still a paddock. I’ve been in paddocks my entire life. You can’t change much.”

Things change a lot, in Marc’s experience. People. Teams. Bodies. 

Friendships.

And Marc is brave usually, has made a career out of it, so he feels like he has to ask. No use avoiding it and feeling half out of his skin for the rest of the day. Vale’s knee bumps into his own and he closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them Vale is already looking at him

“Why are you here?” He levels.

Vale throws him a soft smile. It comforts exactly no part of Marc.

“Maybe I was looking for a hiding place.”

Marc hesitates, choosing his words carefully. It’s always a spar with Valentino; even when they were friendly, they were still competing.

“Am I the hiding place?”

“Well, I am still more famous than you, is true. Less photographers on you than me. It’s peaceful.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Now there’s a good question.” Vale says, stealing something else off of Marc’s plate. “Today? I was hungry. I thought I’d stop by and eat with an old friend.” The words jolt through Marc like a highside. He’s in the air— lost, flying, falling. 

Vale stands, towering. He claps Marc on the shoulder. It burns white hot. Marc keeps his eyes on him, trying to catch a hint, a clue as to how this all happened. 

An old friend.

“Is that what we are?” He asks, more earnest than he should be. Vale can be such a bastard.

“Well, what would you call it?” He responds, turning the question on Marc, voice quiet. Serious, like he knows whatever hangs between them is as thin as a spiderweb. Marc swallows.

“I don’t know,” Marc answers. still too honest, even now. Something flickers on Vale’s face, too quick and complex for him to read. 

“Think about it.” Vale prompts, and walks away.

Marc finds out that they weren’t alone, in that section of the paddock the next day. The pictures hit the news after the race, headlines rolling in thankfully after Marc has left for home. Valentino Rossi and Marc Marquez sharing lunch, alone on a race weekend ten years after their falling out. What could it mean? 

But Marc’s eyes look at the photo and just catch on Vale’s shoulders, leaning towards Marc, the palm of his hand, arcing through the air as he gestures, frozen on the screen of his phone, and himself, eyes crinkled at the corners. He was wrong. He didn’t manage to reign in that smile after all. 

FRIENDS AGAIN?, the headline asks, and Marc wonders.

[lixie-phoria]

ੈ✩‧ ➛ best friend!hyunjin gets jealous of this new boy you've been talking a little too much about

pairing : best friend!hyunjin x gn reader

prompt : hyunjin can't help but get jealous of the new boy you seem to be infatuated with lately, hating the ugly feeling that burned through his chest everytime you said his name. he wishes he had realized sooner that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, because this new boy was, in fact, only fictional.

genre : fluff, little bit of angst bc hyunjin is jealous :(

word count : 707 words

an : extremely self indulgent haha

hyunjin was in love with you. everybody knew it; his friends knew, your friends knew, even the people in your university that he had never spoken to before knew about it. everyone seemed to know except for you.

but the boy could never confess. everytime he came close to, something always seemed to come in the way. this time it was another boy.

he first heard the name rindou when the two of you were out with a group of friends. he noticed how your phone's screen lit up and the girl sitting right beside you burst into a fit of giggles when she noticed your lockscreen. you switched off your phone before he could catch a glimpse of it himself, but he did hear the faint teasing of your friend. "i know you like rindou, but so much that he's already your lockscreen?"

hyunjin's heart dropped when he noticed the slight blush on your cheeks as you told her to shut up.

he was heartbroken. partly because you were best friends and you apparently didn't feel comfortable enough sharing about this new boy with him, and partly because here he had been pining over you for years and now you were suddenly interested in someone else?

hyunjin wanted to cry. what did rindou have that he did not? heck, he didn't even know who this boy was. he'd asked everyone around campus and there was no rindou who studied there. was it someone you met online? maybe on a dating app?

hyunjin's first impulse was to distance himself from you. it drove him mad, not seeing you for days and hearing the disappointment in your voice everytime he called off a plan.

but it was for the best, right? wrong. he couldn't have been more wrong.

the first time he saw you after an entire week was at a party, and his heart hurt when he saw the smile he loved so much take over your face when you saw him.

you rushed forward, throwing yourself in his arms. hyunjin wanted to wrap his own arms around you and breathe in your scent that he had missed so much and just never let you go. but he pulled away anyways, ignoring the hurt that flashed across your face.

"don't get too close. we don't want your boyfriend getting jealous, do we?"

he didn't meant to sound so crass, but it slipped out and there was nothing he could do about it as you blinked at him blankly. once. then twice.

"what?"

he scoffed. so first you kept rindou a secret from him and then you were going to play dumb? did you think hyunjin was that stupid?

"rindou. the guy who's your new lockscreen. aren't you with him?"

hyunjin was confused as your expression slowly morphed into a horror struck one.

"is that what you're salty about?" you asked incredulously.

"well, of course i'm a bit hurt you didn't tell me about him. i would be happy for you, you know, if you really liked him."

the poor boy was so confused when you burst into a fit of laughter, clutching at his arm for support.

"you mean that rindou?" was all you could manage between gasps as he stared at you with increasing confusion.

what was so funny?

"jinnie, no," you said, shaking your head. "rindou is a fictional character. he doesn't exist. he's from a manga i'm reading"

oh.

hyunjin felt heat rise up his face as he hastily freed his arm from your grasp, turning away from you so you wouldn't notice his increasingly embarrassed expression. rindou was fictional?

gods, hyunjin felt so stupid. all this for a boy who doesn't even exist?

"hyunjin, look at me."

he ignored you, letting out a huff as you tried to control the laughter that threatened to bubble out again.

"jinnie, please?"

"stop calling me that."

"but that's the only way you'll listen to me."

the two of you seemed to have forgotten the party raging around you.

"this is so embarrassing. please leave me alone."

"were you jealous?"

his silence spoke volumes and he heard you huff softly.

"jinnie, turn around, please?"

"so you can laugh at me more?"

"no, you dumbass, so i can kiss some sense into you."

©lixie-phoria, 2023

🏷️ @foxinnie8 , @hamburgers101 , @starlostlaiba (send an ask to be added/removed from the taglist :))

[deanmarywinchester]

okay too-earnest longpost about erotica below the cut. everyone look away

this has definitely been said before i just needed to articulate my thoughts on it but. the operative fantasy of a huge percentage of explicit fic isn’t falling in love, or specific kinks, it’s “a novel sexual experience, that I don’t have to negotiate or ask for, that completely turns my brain off (and kinks on/undoes my deep-seated psychological issues) in a way I didn’t previously know I needed.” from my limited experience with romance novels there’s some overlap but some stuff here feels specific to fic. and obviously this is a huge generalization, caveat that it applies /in general/ to the more popular fics in the mostly-genre fiction fandoms ive been part of in the last ten years, etc etc. Okay.

there’s a lot I could raise as examples here but one is this specific ofmd fic (for all ofmd created one of the most embarrassing fandoms ever it also brought some of the most talented and deranged fic writers out of the woodwork). in it, Izzy Hands, mr. pain kink dogmotif himself, stops pining for his boss Ed to care about him long enough to have mindbogglingly unsafe sex with a certain pirate from a different tv show, which makes ed crazy enough to give izzy what he actually wanted. and I have no actionable desire to be kept at knifepoint and bitten bloody but this fic is still blisteringly hot because 1) it’s a fantasy of someone immediately and unspokenly clocking what gets you off (in a way nobody, maybe even you, has before) and 2) it gets at izzy’s issues re: nobody liking him enough to claim him and the fact that he desires pain as a proxy for that kind of claiming

and I feel like this is why the “it was nothing like kissing a woman—women were Soft and Feminine while kissing Guy McMan was like Sandpaper and Whiskey” thing that we all make fun of now was an extant trope — it’s the misogyny, yes, but it’s also the novelty, the “i never knew I wanted this before but knowing that I want it has fixed me.” as a supernatural fandom scholar I can use the fandom popularity of rhonda hurley’s, uh, contribution to dean winchester’s psyche as another example here. and as a throuple scholar this is also the power behind leverage’s Hardison/Parker/for-the-first-time Eliot fic, and challengers “any two of us are at each others’ throats but add the third and for the first time I feel completely understood” fic. novelty! someone knowing you in a way you don’t have to ask for or explain to them! with your dick out!

and the second part of the phrase, “a novel sexual experience that kinks on/undoes your psychological issues” is also a big part of the fantasy, like. this is why it’s fun for people to start a new piece of media and point a “praise kink” beam at the guy who’s never felt good enough, or hit characters who grew up under oppressive institutional authority with hammers the cat o’nine tails.

and marinating in this soup does funny things to your sexual development. as a longtime fic reader you might not end up with a forcefem kink but instead a “watching The Character realizing they have a forcefem kink” kink. I don’t have a thing for pain, I have a thing for “being in someone else’s brain as they experience pain as sexual for the first time and get an endorphin high.” much different disorders that can come from getting your sex ed from worse places than extremely online writers but disorders nonetheless

[adarkenedforest]

Love games

What if the twisted wonderland cast found a dating sim on your phone?

Heartslabuyle

Riddle Rosehearts

He is slightly confused at first at this seemingly new app on your phone. You've told him about all the others and how to get them so he'd wonder why you didn't tell him about this one.

He gets more confused about it when he opens it so he goes to ask Trey about it but hiding it as if he had just stumbled upon it on the app store.

So so embarrassed and mildly extremely jealous about it when Trey explains what it is to him.

He confronts you about it the next day (trying to hide his embarrassment and failing).

He gets so so flustered when you tease him about it.

"I should be the only one you're paying attention to!"

Trey Clover

He had borrowed your phone to look at some recipe as his had died when he notices the new app.

Normally he wouldn't pry but he gets curious and opens it up.

Oh boy when he realizes what it is.

He doesn't mind but he can't help but take the opportunity to tease you about it in private just to see you go red.

"I didn't know you were into fictional guys. However will i compete?"

Cater Diamomd

He had just set a cute couples picture you guys had taken as your background on your phone and was about to go find you to give it back when he noticed the new icon on your phone.

Of course he recognized it. It was a very popular game so he knew all about it.

He can't help but tease you about not telling him when he eventually finds you and hands you your phone back.

"Did you think I'd be jealous? I'm way too pretty i know they could never compete."

Ace Trappola

He had stolen your phone because he wanted to prank you again by setting your background pictures to some... Less than attractive pictures of himself when he noticed the little icon.

He finds it so funny when he realizes what it is.

Oh he does absolutely get jealous, but he won't ever let you know that. Ever.

So instead he decides that as payment he has to tease you about it.

"Come on babe, really? I didn't know you were into some anime dudes. Come on they're not even that attractive!"

Deuce Spade

He was just trying to find the gallery bless his heart. He really didn't mean to snoop but he accidentally clicked on the app.

When he realizes what it is he panics.

He tries to play it off that he never saw it but eventually asks you about it to find out your favourite character.

He gets you a little plushy of your favourite as an apology gift.

"I got you this! I know you like him a lot and I felt bad for snooping."

Note: I randomly had this idea last night and I just had to get it down. I will be doing the other dorms but first up is the ever wonderful Heartslabuyl boys! Hope you enjoyed.

-adarkenedforest

[n7punk]

“Somewhere Beautiful, We Can Finally Meet” Fic Notes

Okay the Somewhere Beautiful notes are short and sweet, but the tone of the fic didn’t really match shoving this stuff in the author’s notes as they came up, so here they are.

Playlist:

I made a playlist. There’s a whole fucking playlist, all thematic or even hauntingly fitting that I built up for months.

But it just ended up being The Sex Was Good Until It Wasn’t album on repeat for most of the fic. That’s what spurred me to finally pick this up and write the damn thing for real. I then used the actual playlist when editing. On that note, though, here’s the chapter title sources:

Sick Joke: Ch1-2, Ch4-8

earth eyes: Ch3, Ch10

Monster: Ch7

January: Ch9

Chapter 1:

⦁ Before I posted this fic I posted a snippet of what the abysmal outline doc for this thing looked like with parts censored. What it actually said was “Adora transitions when she picks up the sword And then also the dream connection thing” which was very funny to me because “the dream connection thing” was the entire point of the fic. But I write it like that because I already had the dream connection down back to front and the trans angle came along later.

⦁ The title of this fic is one of those things that just came to me, and I tried to change it to “Somewhere Beautiful, We Can Finally Dream” to indicate the, you know, dream thing, but I just couldn’t do it. That’s what it was meant to be.

⦁ Adora’s She-ra magic is what makes this possible, but also She-ra was inside her all along, right, so when Adora used to be able to dream of Catra rarely, those were real too (at least, usually. She does still have normal dreams too). The transition in the dream color (white > golden white > golden hour/twilight) represents the strength of her connection, both to her magic and to Catra, though the gold never could have happened while in the Fright Zone — she didn’t know gold or warmth as a positive color then.

⦁ When one of them dramatically vanishes, it’s because they just woke up suddenly. In the case of Adora’s speech, Catra woke up crying.

⦁ God writing this part was difficult. Threading the needle between anger, betrayal, and confusion without being transphobic was really hard even though that was far from what Catra was actually trying to do. Intent doesn’t really matter when the result is trying to shove someone back in the closet. There was initially supposed to be more of Catra exploring what this new Adora looked like but the idea also read as fetishistic to me so I cut it. I think I did the best I could here while being realistic to the actual characters.

⦁ I was worried saying “her best friend” all the time would feel a little awkward, but I also try to explicitly avoid deadnames when writing since I am extremely sensitive about mine personally so it’s just one of those things I don’t want to deal with even fictionally. Like, we all know what Adora’s dead name obviously is, but I’m still not doing it.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Catra not having her mask on and also having so much of her soft fur exposed is why Adora immediately had to pet her upon the dream forming.

⦁ The boob touch was a real impulse thought that Adora acted on without realizing because it was a dream and then immediately got embarrassed about even though “it wasn’t real”.

⦁ I could be wrong but I think every bed we see in the Horde is either on the floor directly or a bunk bed.

Chapter 3:

⦁ I’ve mentioned it before but “pre-ordering” is a phenomenon where people question their sexuality after being attracted to a “cis” person who doesn’t fall into their usual sexuality only for that person to later transition and make it all click. Sometimes we just know lol.

⦁ Yeah there’s a way more explicit version of this scene for sure, and the initial outline even called for it, but I didn’t really want to write it, not just because smut doesn’t interest me much, but also because of the weird dream situation.

Chapter 6:

⦁ The original outline actually had Adora getting Catra alone and flirting with her to unveil the truth and then, when Catra started to realize what was being affirmed, Adora kissing her, but yeah, that was NOT it or where Adora’s head was at when we reached this point, and we don’t need even more dubious consent in this thing. They were also supposed to have more ongoing interactions in the dream world post-reveal, but the timeline of the fic didn’t end up working out.

Chapter 7:

⦁ Every word from the start of this chapter forward I wrote in one day on September 14th. Because I am unwell.

Chapter 8:

⦁ Catra used claws on her palm to wake herself up.

⦁ I’m tired of keeping quiet. This isn’t the “dreams au”. In everything on my computer, it’s saved as the “DreamS AU”, if not its full title, the “dream sex au”.

Chapter 9:

⦁ Glimmer was realizing in the conversation with Catra what was going on back in that weird conversation about dreams with Adora in chapter 2. They were both too tired at that point for her to get mad at Adora for keeping it a secret. She definitely follows up on it after the war like GIRL. HELLO? But they are past the anger at that point.

Chapter 10:

⦁ Catra’s sexuality was a weird question mark to everyone when they were growing up because she sets off gaydar like caesium by a geiger counter, but like… she was also clearly obsessed with Adora. Not that it was clear to Adora, but she felt like a few moments came up where they almost kissed, and that confused her even more. So yes, Adora tried not to think of Catra that way too much because she thought she wouldn’t want her to, but neither of them ever could, really.

⦁ I’m not doing a real “Epilogue” section, so I’m just sticking it here: now they’re together IRL and like, actually talking, they “need” the dreams less and they become less frequent, but they’re still a fun thing and they mess around in them sometimes.

⦁ I was honestly really worried about writing/posting this fic because I thought people might take it the wrong way, either because of the consent stuff, or because of how I portrayed Adora’s transition/Catra’s sexuality. The way I convinced myself to write it was by telling myself I didn’t have to post it, so I could get it out of my head and see how it was at the end. I wrote the first two chapters under that idea all the way back in May and then set it down for Slipstream. I picked it up against at the start of September after I’d gotten through all of the Sapphic Septmeber prompts and just needed some editing for them. I wrote it all pretty quickly and was like yeah, I’m lying to myself, I am going to post it but I am nervous about it. I referred to it as a bomb in my fic drafts. At the same time, I knew that for certain people this would become their favorite fic, so fuck it, I just threw those warnings on it about the ambiguity and posted it.

Original Outline:

As I’ve mentioned on my tumblr in the tag where I scream about this fic, I wrote this entire fic in my head multiple times — always while falling asleep at night — without ever writing anything down, so the outline changed every time but the rough shape remained the same. However, the tone was usually (not always) lighter than how the fic ended up. I wrote half of the fic over two days (Chapter 5-6 one day and 7-10 the other) and afterwards I was looking at what I wrote like… do I need to rewrite this? But no, this doesn’t match the version in my head, but the version there can stay there and this one is what’s on the page. Big changes were just that the initial version didn’t include trans Adora, but the angst of her transition via She-ra and Catra taking it as brainwashing had too much opportunity to it for me to ignore. The other was that there was an alternate idea for the “season four” chapter where basically Catra’s lack of sleep leads her to getting sloppy and getting caught by the Rebellion, and the second She-ra takes over custody of her she just… gives up. Asks if she can sleep now. Adora can immediately tell what’s going on and says yes, and Catra passes out in her arms. Diverging so much, either by having Catra a prisoner or begrudgingly defecting to save her ass (and get help retrieving Entrapta, which was the idea) would have completely fucked the pacing of the fic, though, and especially screwed with my season 5 plans because even engineering a way for her to still get captured, Catra wouldn’t have been so sure Adora wouldn’t have come for her then. They needed to stay 100% enemies with no chance to talk things out lol. I still like the vulnerability of Catra, captured by the enemy, just trusting Adora (even if she feels it’s because she doesn’t have a choice) to keep her safe while she finally lets herself sleep because there’s nothing to outrun anymore, but I NEEDED to do that Prime dream scene.

Upcoming:

I have one or two short one-shots I’m working on that might come dripping out over the next month, but… I really want to do the fucking novel I’ve let languish for two years and it’s November, so even if Nanowrimo (the organization) sucks eggs, I going to try to do something for Novelember. It would even out these last two insane months of fic lol. So, I’m probably going on a little bit of a hiatus, still going to try to post every two weeks probably, but we’ll see where muses take me.

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey there! I have a friend who wants to write a character with OCD, but I'm worried that she might not have a fully accurate image of what it is. I don't really know many people with OCD, but if you could could you give some tips to pass on to her? Sorry if this is weird, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought it would be better to get information from someone who is affected by OCD than skim an article about it. Thanks again (p.s. I really love your comics!!)

This is going to go under a cut cause i wrote more than I really intended. It's very long. I put a video clip of a character who I think is a good representation in media at the end if you decide you dont want to read all of that and just skip down there.

The thing is that OCD varies a lot from person to person. My experiences arent gonna look the same as someone else's who also has it. Some people have very visible symptoms, some people have things that are still obviously ocd symptoms but would only be recognized by someone who knew what to look for, some people only have mental symptoms - you wouldnt be able to tell unless you were a mind reader. And just like any other disorder it has a range of severity.

Also not everyone's triggered by the same things. I know you said you'd rather hear from a person than an article, but I think she should look at articles that detail what typical obsessions are (Though she should go in knowing these thoughts are beyond people's control. They're sometimes extremely upsetting, and theyre of course upsetting to the person who has them. They may be very hard to read if you arent well-versed in this stuff.) In fiction I usually see perfection and contamination, but there are wayyyy more than that. Some triggers come and go even. One day I can be completely fine about something and encountering it a different day it might take me 3 months to stop spiraling about it.

An important thing that IS spread across everyone who has it is that giving into compulsions makes things worse. They are a feeling of momentary relief that can fade incredibly quickly, which is what leads people to do them over and over and over again much to the detriment of the person doing it.

There is not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. And it cannot be logic-ed with. You could be the smartest, most level headed, logical person in the world, but you cannot logic your way out of obsessive thoughts. (This usually creates an obsessive thought spiral even, which is bad and can be dangerous...)

Adding onto that, she should think hard about whether the character would know they have OCD or not. The public perception of OCD is not great. Most people dont understand what it looks like, including people who have it. And the people who do have it often feel like they cannot talk about it. (I was encouraged by a psychiatrist to never! talk about the intrusive thoughts I have to ANYONE. She sucked, but it shows the attitude that surrounds the disorder.) And whether they know or not will make a big difference in how they view themself and their mental health. Personally when I did not know I had it I was doing a lot worse mentally. A lot. Frankly it very nearly drove me to suicide. And then I found out what it was, and it helped. It didnt magically make things disappear of course, but it helped.

She also might be tempted to make the characters symptoms manifest in ways that are comedic or silly. I am not bothered by this necessarily, I think a lot of the things I do are silly and would be perceived as funny by an outsider. But if she is going to do this I ask that she makes sure she shows how frustrating and embarrassing it is for the character. If you want an example, there is a character in the show Scrubs with OCD. (Side note, Scrubs is rated TV-14 so turn back now if youre too young but)

His name is Dr Kevin Casey, though you could probably just find his scenes from looking up Scrubs OCD. He is played off as a jovial man whose disorder makes him quirky, but he is given a scene in which you can really see the toll it takes on him. One line he says "Nobody's supposed to see this" hits especially hard.

So if that was too long and you didnt read most of it the number one important thing I'd personally ask is however inconvenient this characters OCD is going to be to everyone else Id like her to make sure she shows that its a million times more inconvenient to the person who has it.

[addie7]

Just a small question..

why do you ship Ivan x Enzo?

Hopefully this doesn't seem mean in anyway just a genuine question because of the age gap plus their maturity differences from them having an 2-3 age gap in canon so it really confuses me and I'd like to hear why you do ship them

(Also an age gap should apply if 20+ because the brain is more mature by then)

And another thing is how different their voices is in the game you can really tell that Ivan does sound younger then Enzo

Oh -, I have no idea how you found out about this honestly. Maybe you have seen it on a blog or in my post about the little story I did about Enzo's marriage and the mysterious person I wanted to portray in a very funny comedy.

Answering your question, with all firmness.

Yes, I honestly ship them.

This has really made me too embarrassed to admit something like this about a taste of mine, maybe this can affect me in some way for some reason, now I wouldn't like to show a stupid drawing related to a ship idealizing their personalities so that they are necessarily together and placing a hashtag "long live homosexuality" (a way of saying).

or something like that...

You know what you really like and but you don't admit it for fear of being rejected, well that person is me haha.

I've been hiding this one

a strange taste for a while until I got tired of it, the reason I shipped them was mainly because they were just friends or colleagues in 2020, but then it developed when I watched the series premiere and I could notice some extremely cute attitudes that They caught my attention. attention attention as mutual concern and a somewhat constant attachment.

Unlike age, for some reason I previously assumed that Ivan was even older than Enzo in the video games due to his skill and intelligence that he was able to muster with the help of his friends (another fun fact of mine).

although it's just fiction and that doesn't really matter...

Personally, I think that two years of age difference does not make much difference in maturity. I just see a pretty cute and innocent, harmless and healthy relationship between these characters in what I want to point out. I only pair them as a simple very tender friendship, companions or something more romantic as long as it is healthy and non-toxic.

Well... they are individual tastes that don't hurt anyone, I hope so.

It is as essential as it is for anyone as long as they have some limit on their expenses.

I say this with all due respect, I don't want my words to be misinterpreted since I don't usually express myself correctly, okay?

I hope that after reading this you suddenly hate me.

SORRY...ICANT, THIS IS SO-

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 11 thoughts

okay!!!! i've kept you waiting long enough. now let's get into the things i liked about this episode while ignoring the stuff i didn't.

first. mulder walking into his office. and scully sitting there in the dark, watching a tape.

this had me HOWLING. how did she get in there? she keeps a key to his house and his office on hand at all times? the level of casualness with which he turned on the lights only for dana scully to be sitting in his office chair, as if it were the most natural of things in the world, floored me. she made herself welcome. she looks up and says hello.

then we get a little lore break to learn about the case and yeah yeah case stuff hold on. did she just say she got there at 6 am?

yes, you heard me correctly, she made her way into his office at 6 in the morning to watch the video and go through all of the related x files. i think i had tears in my eyes at this point and i definitely do now as i recount it. dana scully you are such a little weirdo and i love you so bad. i hope you enjoyed your time rummaging through his stuff. glad his space has really become yours as well.

and his entire lack of reaction to her being there pushed me even further over the edge. like, sure. at this point in their relationship, why not walk in to see her sitting at your desk and going through all your shit? the level of casual intimacy is at once so fucking funny and so heartwarming.

(a few weeks ago i was chatting with a friend about our top five favorite fictional characters, and i made the argument that scully and mulder ought to count as just one character for the sake of the ranking, because of how entirely they blend into one person. and her just being there when he opens the door- and having been there for hours at that point- really solidifies my reasoning. and i had made that argument BEFORE seeing any of s2, let alone this moment)

the next moment that had me laughing was when they went to the convalescent home (which wasn't a word i was familiar with before all of this) and our poor agents get stuck questioning a 74 year old man during his bath time. i already had a "oh noooo" feeling of dread about the whole situation- for how could the academy prepare them for this? and sure enough, he flashed them.

now, this was, like i mentioned in an earlier post, part of an attempt at social commentary that i could and might write an essay on- but let's set that aside here, and just deal with the fact that our poor agents have been put into such an awkward position, while understanding that the scene is being played for comedic value despite how awful that would be irl. because mulder smiles and says "thanks for sharing", while scully also bites back laughter. their faces at this moment had me laughing. it was such a "fuck my entire life" moment for both of them and i felt that extreme case of tv show-induced secondhand embarrassment.

and i think they handled it quite well!!! have we considered giving them a raise? for having to deal with all the haunted children and now creepy old men? god. their poor eyes. "thanks for sharing" stfu mulder... he cannot act seriously for ONE minute!!!!!!

there was another big ass coats moment when they walked outside and spoke with someone involved in running the program. and you know by now that's catnip to me!!!

one of the old men starts choking to death (he was taking mushroom pills he wasn't supposed to) and scully slips into Doctor Mode and it was deeply satisfying to watch. she starts saying fancy words and calling out for certain medications- "this man's in ventricular fibrillation, i need 75 milligrams of lidocaine and one amp of amphinephrine" and i'm sat there like yes. exactly right!!! she's doing serious doctor business!!!!

(i need to edit this image to make it appropriate for when her doctor mode takes over. because this is what i'm always referencing when i say someone is "shifting into ____ mode" and i don't think i've ever spelled that out before so i should here. have not seen seinfeld just saw this image one day and it permanently altered my vocabulary)

there's another moment where she's having a doctor-off with the dude who worked at the place and she said the line "the clinical benefits are marginal at best" and idk man i just like to see her doing her doctorly thing.

(she also gets very doctorly excited about the idea of there being improvements for incurable conditions such as alzheimer's and it's good to see some joy on her)

next thing that had me laughing:

"are you saying that the building's haunted? because if you are, i think you've been working with me for too long, scully" <- said in a flirtatious manner

don't remember what was going on at this point beyond someone had just fallen to death, but i wrote "another scully serving looks moment in the midst of tragedy" and i stand by it. this is really an epidemic. scully stop working angles in front of the dead... or don't because i'm not actually complaining <3

we also see mulder prowling down a dark and damp hall and cracking open a lock to break into a room. which seemed like a typical activity for a guy like him. literally just a tuesday in his life. he found a bunch of mushrooms and i made a frantic note reading along the lines of DO NOT TOUCH THEM because famously mushrooms WILL kill you but he seemed unharmed. thank god.

he's all, what if the mushrooms are what is helping the patients, and scully delivers this banger line: "mulder, mushrooms aren't medicine. they taste good on hamburgers, but they can't raise the dead"

which is 1. a hilarious fucking line just for its sheer ridiculousness, and 2. a critical insight into how scully orders her burgers... which i WILL be adding to my list of useless character facts

the episode winds down with mulder getting trapped in a room with rapidly rising water and we see the door SLAM right before scully can witness the ghosts tossing things about. and the commitment to that gag of her never actually seeing the paranormal stuff really got me there.

then, the door breaks due to the water, and everyone is soaking wet, which is always a good look.

overall, highlight of this episode to me was by far scully breaking into his office at 6 am. nothing will top that for me in terms of comedic value. it has become Her space now. she has claimed you mulder, there is no going back, you are in far too deep and thank god for that because you freaks deserve each other.

[elliespuns]

You shouldn’t even apologize for replying to a random message on your own account, especially since it’s clear you didn’t do it with bad intentions. It wasn’t your idea to spread hate, and I haven’t seen you do that since I started following you (about a month ago, I think). In fact, I think you’re nice.

And even though I also saw that you talked about my fellow countrywoman (Isabela) and I commented a few days ago that it wasn’t her fault for looking young, I didn’t even get upset with you because it was your opinion, and your opinion was quite casual and respectful, which was fine.

Well, I’m using a translator, so there might be errors and of course, I’m anonymous because I’m a little embarrassed. You don’t need to respond to this message; it would be enough if you read it and see that someone supports you and tells you that you didn’t do anything wrong.

adiós y besitosss, not gonna smack you🖤

The worst thing about the whole thing is that I KNOW my intentions weren't bad, but the others don't (and won't) see it that way because it was posted and it can't be taken back (especially when people reblogged it, because even though I deleted the post, it's still out there).

But I get it. It's my fault that I wasn't more careful. People don't see in my head. They have no idea what I've been posting and talking about in the last year. I've always talked about Bella Ramsey with respect. I was getting upset with people calling them ugly, and here I am today... one silly, innocent giggle at a funny face they were making, and everyone thinks I started a bully post. 

Honestly, I wasn't thinking because, as I said in my apology post, I do giggle at game Ellie's silly faces in photos all the time, and I am so used to it by now that giggling at a meme with Bella wouldn't even occur to me to be a bad thing at first.

But at the end, it was a shitty thing (I admit it), because no matter what my intentions were, it looked bad and wasn't nice because Bella is not a fictional character but a real person. The worst part is that I was just honestly chuckling at the silly face they were making, not the fact that someone was actually making fun of them (I wasn't making fun of them when I hit "post" so it didn't occur to me that this would be exactly what it looked like). 

I am not ashamed to admit I was wrong, even though I know a lot of people see me differently now because, as I said, my consciousness is clear. If you look up #bella ramsey on my blog, you won't see any hateful or disrespectful comments or posts about them. Quite the contrary, I was always the one to say they are extremely adorable, and I even remember saying this a long time before S02 was even confirmed, and I was like, "How're they going to pull out the tough look looking like this?!"

I said my peace. In my heart, I did nothing wrong, but on my blog, I did a stupid thing. That was all it was. I kind of deserve the smack, tbh.

Thank you for being so kind. I am glad there are people noticing what I am as a person through my posts.

[hierophant-reversed]

anons back at you... hypnosis, voyeurism, edging, cucking, d/s, humiliation, praise, feet?

OOOH OK [ask game: send me kinks and i'll rate them 1-10!]

HYPNO: hm i'd say like. usually a 7/10? i don't typically go looking for it but the more i think about it, the more i feel like i could reeeally be into it especially in certain contexts. since i haven't sought it out much, i'm not rlly familiar with common tropes/scenes, but i can see it being very good for me lol

VOYEUR: 10/10. i Do seek this out yeah. it's one of those things for me that's like... in some ways one of my worst fears but also in other ways really hot, y'know? i have a lot of fear/paranoia about like. Getting Found Out in ways that go badly for me (like one of my biggest stress nightmares is a family member walking in on me, and i do NOT like that, and my ocd really latches onto it). but in certain scenes i'm super weak to it. like... the trope of one girl masturbating and another watching secretly or walking in... well. (<- guy who is really normal about allowing herself to experience physical intimacy and voicing desires)

EDGING: 8/10 in concept, 6/10 in practice. i think it's hot to imagine, but when i've tried to do it irl it just ends up kind of disappointing. maybe i'm doing it wrong, maybe it's just my antidepressants, idk. i wish it worked though because i like the idea

CUCKING: another one i don't think about much but has potential. 8/10. i don't think it counts as cucking, but i will say that hyperfocusing on a sims 4 build while your two girlfriends have sex on the bed behind you is a pretty funny experience.

DOM/SUB: (is what i assume this is unless there's another thing this stands for that i wasn't aware of) 9/10. this is one that's so normal to me i forget it's a kink. obv there are varying levels/dynamics in these types of relationships but at least whenever i've had sex, i think it's always sort of in the back of my mind: i tend to base my actions on either a dom or sub role (usually dom because it gives me less room to get self conscious halfway through lol). it's not usually very extreme, but it gives me a role to fill, which gives me a loose script or "character" to play, which keeps me from getting too in my head about it. i'm still working really hard to get more comfortable expressing myself when it comes to sex and what i want/like (hence why i have this blog), and i feel like d/s stuff gives me a framework to examine that through.

HUMILIATION: 7/10-10/10 depending on context. irl it only works coming from my partners in specifically sexual settings; i don't get turned on every time i'm embarrassed in day to day life. in fiction though i like it a lot in all kinds of ways. bonus points if we're tying it in with voyeurism.

PRAISE: ∞/10.

FEET: 3/10. i guess i could see it in some contexts but even then it's not so much about the feet themselves as it is the display of power. no judgement to those who do like em though, and who knows? maybe someday i'll see something that changes my mind

[bellmo15-blog]

Alright, I'm in a pretty big Doki Doki Literature Club brainrot right now so I might as well confess this embarrassing fact about myself. Back when I was first getting really into DDLC back in early 2018... I really didn't like Monika. Like, at all! In fact, I actually really hated her! How much?

Well, this morning I was going though my DDLC fan art and memes folder I keep on my hard drive and sometimes I'll give funny or unique titles to certain folders depending on how I feel about a certain character. It's not un-common for me to add something like "My Waifu" in the titles of those folders if it's a character I really like, such as naming the Yuri one Yuri (My Waifu) because even with the shit that happens in Act 2 she was the one I felt the most affection for. But for the Monika folder I had a... unique name... Manipulative C Word Monika.

... And when I saw this morning that THAT was what I named my folder of Monika, I could literally feel myself go numb. Because holy fucking shit, what the actual fuck was wrong with me back in 2018 that I had to name a folder relating to a FICTIONAL CHARACTER I didn't like at the time that something as harsh as that!? And this wasn't even made when I was some edgy teenager or anything no, I was 21 years old at the time, a fully grown adult who felt like he had better control over his feelings towards fictional media. Yet somehow I still developed such an extreme hatred for a fictional character that I did something as stupid and petty as this! I mean I still saved and downloaded fan art of Monika anyway because a lot of it was still really good, and I was never really public with my distain for Monika on social media either especially knowing what the reaction would of been if I did, but the fact that it was being saved to a folder I named... THAT, Christ I feel awful looking back.

Why did I have such an extreme hate boner for someone who doesn't even really exist? Obvious reasons if you've ever played DDLC. Most of the shit that happens in the game such as Sayouri's depression getting so much worse to the point where she hangs herself and Yuri going crazy and becoming obsessed with you to the point where she gives you a poem "endowed with her scent" was a result of how Monika is self aware and knows she's in a video game, hates that she's trapped in a video game, growing feeling for you the player (not you as in the blank slate self insert in the game, I mean you as in the actual IRL you playing the game) and messing with the game files to alter and amplify the other girls personalities to make them undesirable. And that... really didn't give me the best option on her. Especially when I was already more interested in the the other girls, mainly Yuri, and saw a lot of myself in Sayori as someone who has suffered (and still does sometimes) from depression in the past. So Monika fucking with them in the way she did and then having the balls in Act 3 to even say "it's not just jealousy," yeah it caused me to not have a good opinion on her. It was like "Babe, you don't even know me! You don't know who I am, what my preferences are, what I'm into, oh and you killed two out of the three girls I was actually more interested in. Why should I be smitten with you?"

Yeah, my reasons for my opinion on Monika back then could still probaply be seen as valid but never have I wanted to time travel and slap my past self for something I did or felt in the past more than this. I don't feel the same way about Monika now as I did six years ago, thanks God, especially since I admiatlly did get over my hate for her after a few months of my original playthrough but if Monika really was sentient and saw how I felt about her in the past I wouldn't blame her for wanting nothing to do with me.

[cupboardgods]

It's so funny that except for my fellow players who follow me here, yall don't even know about my disco elysium ocs who I'm extremely invested in

I've never been crazy about (serious) fandom ocs. But this time I'm roleplaying them and I love them so much

Also I'm dming next...and I recently spent 7 straight hours drafting immersive fictional police reports for my case.....I'm obsessed with my little cast and also very proud

Lachlan and Fox I love you a lot. I'm sorry I'm lowkey embarrassed you exist but I love you both so very much.

[shyesterin]

dream I had before I fully forget it

had this dream where I was transported to like 200+ years in the future, but I didn't get to live the whole being transported bit, the dream took place a while after it when I had already accepted it and settled into a normal life. everything was pretty much the same as now with the big difference being that every living being had some kind of mutation, most of them harmless and just affecting appearance but making them distinct enough from other beings of the same species that it was like a Thing in society to acknowledge it? I can remember all the other people in the dream having one but not what they were, and that me /not/ having one was a notable thing that people kept asking me about. (me being from the past also wasn't a secret and everyone was just chill about it but still curious about it) I can also remember going out into a hallway and finding this rabbit-like creature scurrying about except it had a mutation that made its fur degrade extremely fast, and once it was all gone it would all puff back into place almost instantly, it felt like a glitched animal in a video game.

most of the dream took place in a school, except everyone was in their early 20s including me (I think I was like, 23?); I think my brain was trying to do "what if you were in college" but it still looked like one of the high schools I went to...? my classmates were a combination of people I used to know from when I was 17~19, people I know now, and also some fictional characters. specifically I remember peach and daisy were in my class, and I was dating daisy which is very on brand for me lol.

anyway specific "scenes" that I remember from it are. me having a talk with... I think a teacher? we were next to a window and he was very interested in knowing about my experience with time travel and how the past was and how I was feeling knowing that I was Different because at some point the mutation thing happened to the whole planet and I wasn't affected since I wasn't there. I think I remember saying something about how people were a lot more accepting in general because of it, so me being trans wasn't nearly as big a deal? there was also the rabbit bit, where I found it in a hallway, screamed, another girl came over to check and also got freaked out by it, it scurried under a hole to the outside and we called a teacher over all panicked and he tried his best to calm us down. there was also another one where I was talking with a group of friends... something about a birthday? I think I remember someone making a joke about me being 200+ years old and me finding it really funny. that one's pretty hazy though.

the one that stuck in my head the most because of my gay ass though was us sitting through class and being really bored. it was a very casual environment, everyone could sit however they want, dress however they want - peach and daisy were wearing their princess dresses - even organize the chairs however they wanted. a bunch of us were clustered in one of the corners with our chairs/tables all very close together. daisy had chairs and tables organized in a way where she could be lying down on them with her head on my lap and it was really really cute. (also as a side note, she didn't look exactly like her game self? she had darker skin, her hair was much much shorter, her chest was also much smaller, she had regular human proportions instead of the exaggerated mario universe ones (although that went for all the fictional characters that were there). peach on the other hand just looked like a real version of her usual self)

anyway the part that got me all flustered and that I feel embarrassed typing out - at one point while that was happening I looked down and noticed I could see into her dress and that she wasn't wearing anything under it. I got all flustered and just like, very panickedly said something like "daisy, honey, your dress, I can see everything...!", at which point she made this really smug face at me and pulled it a little further away from her to give me a peek at everything - and then I started blushing real hard, my face felt like it was burning, I could barely just blurt out a "honey...!!" as she giggled... but anyway. the bit that I actually woke up thinking about was right after that. I put my hand on her hair to pet it and she, like... very happily rubbed her head on my hand? my hand went on her cheek, my other hand patting her hair, and she was just looked extremely happy and content and it made my gay little heart very happy. I woke up a bit after that feeling like I just really wanted to give someone that affection for real and I'm still thinking about it...

[eternalwritess]

Hello! Could I get matchups for Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, and My Hero Academia?

Gender + Pronouns- Nonbinary, they/he/she

Sexuality- Asexual + Lesbian

Personality- Most people I know describe me as funny, sweet, or bubbly. I tend to be anxious and sometimes cold towards people I don’t really know, but once I get comfortable around someone I’ll talk their ears off and rush to share everything I like with them. I’m not very good with understanding social cues and picking up on things like body language. I’m pretty analytical and tend to focus on things that aren’t important in the long run. I joke around a lot, often messing with my friends, and I tend to just say whatever weird things come to mind. However, I have a difficult time being honest about my emotions(which are mostly bottled up) and problems, and I’ve never been comfortable being vulnerable with people. People pleaser. I tend to take things to literally. I’m also book smart but extremely lacking in street smarts, can be quite an airhead at times. I’m also classified as an ISTP-T and have adhd and autism :)

Love languages- Physical contact(only with a select few people), words of affirmation(not really “i love you” more of just compliments, I melt at compliments), and gift giving

Appearance- Long wavy brown hair, tall(5’7 to 5’9 range), not chubby but not thin either, wear a lot of black, mainly skirts, sweaters, and dresses

Likes- Singing, voice acting, musical theatre, hanging out with friends, privacy, stand-up comedy, watching movies/tv, listening to paranormal investigations and horror stories, reading fanfiction, sketching, getting to discuss fictional works I like with other people who like them

Dislikes- People assuming I never know what I’m doing, unwarranted disrespect, other people telling me what I’m feeling, having my feelings and thoughts ignored by others, being ignored, feeling strong emotions(aside from happiness), crying, being vulnerable, birds, mirrors, not completely understanding something

Other: I tend to be attracted to confident(or at least seemingly confident) and strong people

Thank you so much! Hope this is enough info <3

i match you with... 𝓥𝓪𝓰𝓰𝓲𝓮 ██ 20% _ ████ 60% _ █████ 80% _ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 100% ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

❀ I think that when you two met you first arrived in hell without much of an idea of what was going on there. In response people walked up to you noticing that you were new and started to try and hustle you. Luckily for you though Vaggie saw what was going on and kicked their asses

❀ You might've been slightly confused at first as to why she reacted so harshly but once she said why she did what she did you understood a little better and thanked her out for helping you get out of that bad situation

❀ She then asked you if you had anywhere to stay and if you'd like to stay at the hotel where she helped run. Of course she said that you could say 'no' and that you didn't have to come with her but when you said 'yes' she was slightly excited. Not that she showed it though

❀ The moment you entered the hotel Charlie was all over you two jumping up and down and getting you a room in the hotel. She introduced you to literally everything in the vicinity at first Vaggie was going to calm her down but soon later you exhibited the same amount of energy and she just rolled her eyes affectionately at you two

❀ She doesn't know when she fell in love but she only realized it when you two brushed hands while sitting on the couch, watching some shit show of a station. She could feel her heart pounding harder and harder until she excused herself. She went to the bathroom and stared in the mirror for a long time before coming back out.

❀ She didn't confess for about a week, still thinking about her emotions but when she did she was embarrassed and Charlie had to help her through the entire thing to make sure that she didn't chicken out.

 ^ ̳ᴗ ̫ ᴗ ̳^

❀ Physical touch is a constant between you two. She'll constantly hand you hand or keep an arm around your waist. If you two are sitting down together and your hand is just sitting their she'll rest her hand over it gently

❀ She constantly compliments you to make you feel loved as her past as an exorcist made her kinda weird when it came to the whole love thing as she's never experienced it before and since she was most likely complimented a lot as an exorcist she does the same with you. Whenever you do something small she thanks you for it even if you mess up

❀ She'd love to just chill with you on a couch and watch whatever movie or tv show that you want. Of course she might get up everyone now and then to move around, whether thats a trip to the kitchen for some water or your favorite snack, but she'll always come back and say sorry for getting up before giving you something

❀ She'd listen to you rant for hours on end without hesitation. She absolutely adores your voice and finds it extremely comforting to listen to. She'd move closer as you explain things unconsciously too just to get closer and hear you better.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm in some kind of abusive cycle with the blog where people submit their dreams. I love hearing people's dreams, so I follow it thinking it's going to be interesting, and then I have to unfollow because it feels like 90% of the posts are about celebrities and fandom shit, then I forget about it for a while until a really cool/funny/scary/weird dream gets reblogged onto my dash, then I follow it again out of some kind of moronic optimism, and pretty soon I remember why I unfollowed it the last time. I'm not sure which possibility is the worst,

a) that for the most part people only submit dreams involving celebrities or fandoms because they assume no one cares about anything else,

b) most of the submissions are made up but nobody has the brain power to invent anything that doesn't involve celebrities or fandoms,

c) actually a large volume of young people's dreams really are about celebrities and fandoms, like a lot of tumblr users just don't even dream about anything else.

Now that I've typed it all out I'm pretty sure (c) is the worst of all possible worlds, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were really true for a lot of people just based on the sort of online behavior I see. There's a reason the "blorbo from my stories" post blew up (and I often wonder if that person regrets it), about how you can post the most random non-human image possible and you'll still have people in your notifications explaining how it somehow represents whatever their main fandom thing is; "fandom" doesn't describe an interest or even a community anymore, its more like this condition of extreme narrowing of perception and cognition down to like one subject, and somehow this is something you're proud of. Seeing people reblog the blorbo post not to co-sign what OP was saying, but to say "Yay this is totally me!!!" with no sense that they're being criticized was really disturbing. There's actually an even worse version of this where somebody broke down the most common (generally sexual) characterizations and scenarios in fan fiction specifically to show how much of this content just perpetuates really ugly stereotypes and bigoted attitudes, but the fandom people got it and reblogged it like "Yay this is totally me!!!" while OP was going...oh my god doesn't anyone understand what I said? There's this kind of scary, culty "FANDOM GOOD" thing that's like so pathological that it actually affects people's reading comprehension and makes them unable to even perceive criticism unless you push things to the extreme and bring nazis or pedophiles or something into it, you have to go so far as to tell someone they're a bad person to break through with them.

Anyway I know this isn't a scientific fact but I agree with the popular notion that dreams are a way of processing experiences and feelings that you're not done chewing on yet. For the most part your dreams should be made up of things, however filtered they are through symbolic language, that are somehow unresolved for you. You shouldn't be closing your eyes at night and just seeing a stream of the exact same pacifying stuff you choose to watch on TV. If that's happening more than once in a great while, you might have given yourself some form of brain damage, and I'm only being slightly sarcastic about that.

(Actually I think it's probably abnormal if you have a lot of wish fulfillment dreams in general; I used to have this friend who turned out to be completely toxic and nuts, and he was always happy to tell me these dreams he had where like he's a cross between Batman and Superman and he punishes everyone who was ever mean to him and then everyone worships him and he becomes the king of the universe or whatever. And I always thought oh my god, why isn't he embarrassed by this, if I had dreams like that about myself where I'm the best person ever and everyone else is either my victim or my slave, I don't think I would repeat it to anyone! But ANYWAY)

I've probably written this post before without even realizing it, which means I have my own problem where I need to disconnect from this thought process. Tumblr used to be a place where you could see weird, cool, interesting stuff that didn't really exist elsewhere, and it was reasonably easy to curate your experience; now the fandom thing is just at such a critical mass that it feels like you're always about one degree of separation from it no matter what you do. When capacity made that post the other day about how you can't even search for any media you're interested in on tumblr because all you get is the fan activity around the thing and not the thing itself (or god forbid your search involves a normal English word that happens to relate to a fandom, then you're really fucked)--when I first saw that post it had almost 8,000 notes and it was only 7 hours old. Whether you're someone who likes it or not, everyone knew what that was about, we are all experiencing it.

I would probably be slightly less bothered if I just let myself think that all the celebrity and fandom posts clogging up that dream blog are mainly just made up, due to whatever compulsion makes people make up inconsequential bullshit on the internet. I remember when FML was a thing, and at first it was kind of fun and kind of like this shared catharsis thing, but pretty quickly it became full of obviously fake stories that were so extreme they weren't even funny, like if someone said those things out loud in your presence you'd just feel sorry for them, that they want attention so bad they'll tell degrading lies about themselves to get it. Actually though the site started to degenerate into basically two kinds of content, which were not necessarily mutually exclusive, but it was always either people telling degrading lies about themselves for attention, or people telling elaborate stories about how they ate all kinds of poisonous garbage and then they shat themselves in public. And for one thing, I don't think it counts as a proper FML if you deliberately did something that was not a good idea and then immediately suffered the most predictable consequences, you know like eating hot cheetoes in gravy and washing it down with a liter of grape soda and then shitting your pants is kinda the same as "I knowingly stepped in front of a speeding car and it hit me and I was badly injured and now I'm in the hospital, fuck my life!", it's not really a surprising misfortune or irony, it's just something you did on purpose because you have no self-control even though only one outcome was possible. But I always had the feeling that the pants-shitters were American, and like obviously America has a problem with junk food, so I started to wonder if everywhere you go here you're just always near at least one person who is one more bad decision away from shitting their pants. Maybe it's true, I dunno, it's starting to seem likely. Maybe we should just change the name of the country to Pantshitsylvania and get it over with, it's probably what we deserve.