mimas-thoughts

[mimas-thoughts]

Niño O. Convicto

BAC 2-2

BLOG #3 The Chronicle of My Success Foretold

"A Sparkling Dreamer"

A twenty-year-old gay man has dreamt of studying in the city and leaving the countryside

he loves. That gay man dreamed of being a journalist, lawyer, and teacher. He believes that nothing is impossible when you believe in yourself.

That gay man is me. I'm Niño Convicto, born and raised in the Bicol Region in the province of Albay, and I'm proud to say that my grandparents raised me. I was not born rich, but I was not born poor either. I came from a middle-class family wherein we enjoy living in the countryside and having a simple but fantastic life.

I've been through a lot in my twenty years of existence in this world. Achieving my dreams wasn't easy for me. I was once told that being gay is a disadvantage, and also, as a student who came from the countryside and went to the city to study, I was told that I was arrogant.

But knowing that I have my family and friends as my backbone, I told myself that I must focus on achieving my dreams.

They'll have a lot to say when you're doing good and a lot to say when you're doing bad. So, we have to learn to listen to those who matter.

Hello, dear self. This is the first time that I'm going to ask you. Are you okay? Are you sure about the path you've taken?

We have our ups and downs, and it's part of our roller coaster journey. We always choose to be happy, but sometimes pretending is terrible. We always believed that happiness is a choice, but we must never forget that showing our real emotions is a must. We can never be happy all the time, but what is essential is that we know how to be satisfied on our own.

I dreamt of becoming a journalist, a teacher, and a lawyer. But to achieve my dreams, I made a decision that changed my life. I decided to leave my hometown and start a new life here in the city to achieve my goals. I left my family, especially my grandma and my friends, in the countryside, it's not for my good but for theirs.

I want to make my grandma proud of me because she's the first person who taught me that it's okay if others don't like you as long as you enjoy yourself. I want her to see me not just as a gay grandson that she has but to be proud that she raised a gay grandson who is capable enough to do things on his own. I want her to know that even though I'm softhearted, I'm also strong. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I will endure everything to make her happy.

And to answer the question of I'm okay, I'm okay, but not a hundred percent. I get tired of doing many things, but it will not stop me from achieving my dreams and making my grandma proud.

In my twenty years of existence, I realized it's okay to be hurt by someone

you love. It's normal, but never hurt yourself if that person hurts you so much. Just let him go.

I'm okay, but I need to move forward slowly.

And the next question is whether I'm sure about my path. Yes, I'm confident about the decision that I made. Before entering college life I asked myself what you wanted to do in life, and my answer was just the same as what I wanted when I was just in grade school; I wanted to be a journalist, a teacher, and a lawyer.

As a person with many dreams, I saw myself achieving all my dreams and achieving all my goals, and I saw myself as a sparkling and shining journalist because that's what I dreamt of becoming. A journalist who is famous in his way, a journalist who is like Miss. Kara David, passionate and hard-working. I saw myself receiving many awards because, as a competitive person receiving a mention is the best gift, the fruit of your labor.

My ultimate dream is to be a famous journalist. Still, I will not disregard my mom's dream; she wanted me to become a teacher, so I took a Bachelor of Arts in Communication in Pamantasan ng Lungsod Manila after completing my four-year course. I will have my Master in Arts. I saw myself as a strict but considerate teacher with a huge heart for his learners—a teacher like a mother.

And lastly, my dream is to become a lawyer. I always ask myself if I will continue that dream, and I always say yes. I want to be a voice for everyone who doesn't have a voice to speak for their rights. As a part of the LGBTQIA Community, I want equality and for everyone to feel loved and special. I know it's another journey for me, but I always stick to my motto that every dream is achievable if you persevere.

I saw myself as Miriam Defensor Santiago, who received many awards because of her boldness and wit. I'm a Lawyer who will be the next big thing in the Philippines if Miriam Defensor is the Iron Lady of Asia; I'm going to be the Iron Gay of Asia. I will show everyone that being gay is not a hindrance to becoming a leader.

We must know that no one can stop us from achieving what we want. We must learn the importance of taking a single step to achieving our dreams because there are no shortcuts to achieving dreams.

[mimas-thoughts]

Convicto, Niño O.

Bachelor of Arts in Communication 2-2

Blog # 2

The State of My Mental Health

"THE UNSTABLE BEING STABLE"

As a person who has a lot of dreams, I overthink a lot. I overthink a lot, I questioned my potential and my capability as a person and it made me feel guilty about myself because I know that I'm a positive person. Every day I was furious with myself as a consequence of having a feeling like I'm stupid but I know I do my best however it feels like giving my best was not enough. And I realize that it's hard for me to do it all because I thought it's hard for me to take it all and I cannot do it.

Everything is not easy but you need to be always strong. Everything is not fine yet you need to be well-defined. And everything takes time but you still need to wait.

For the past two years, I've been battling depression. A lot of things happened in my life that affects my mental health. First is the loss of my favorite aunt, my Aunt Baby, she's the first person who told me that being different is okay and being gay is not a sin but it's a blessing. Next is the loss of my favorite vlogger at the same time my stress reliever Lloyd Cadena. He helped me realize that you don't need to change yourself just to be accepted by others, you just need to love yourself more and be happy with what you are. Lastly, a downhearted feeling that happened in my life is when I got a failed grade in the subject, Mathematics in Modern World. It made me feel guilty about myself but I realize that I just need to accept the fact that in life it's not about winning and winning and getting and getting what you want, but it's about accepting that failing is okay, it is part of our life and failing doesn't mean you are not good enough but maybe it's not for you. Just believe in yourself better days are coming.

What helps me stop overthinking is my 3Rs in life restart, reset and refocus. What you need to do to be a better person and to gain yourself again is to restart what you're doing cause it will not help if you will stop again, reset your mindset cause it is the best thing to do and always be positive in life and to refocus on your dreams and goals cause everything is achievable.

At this time, I would say that my mental health is doing good and stable because I found the real purpose why sad things happens in life. The reason is the sad things are just like the barriers, it will stop you from getting what you want and will stop you from reaching the finish line, but if you have a strong foundation with yourself everything will be easy and go smoothly.

[mimas-thoughts]

Convicto, Niño O.

Bachelor of Arts in Communication 2-2

Bachelor of Arts in Communication 2102- 2 Creative Writing

Writers can be both said to be born and made. Various authors who were born writers have creative minds that use their imagination to delve into a different realm that readers can enjoy and relate to. Writers who are born writers tend to be creative and imaginative since their younger days. On the other hand, some authors are made to be writers. They are the people who write from their experiences in life and from the journey they traverse, it may be bad or good, happy or sad, those memories they carry let the readers walk in their shoes and relates to the stories or happenings that they wrote.

It's subjective in the sense that some might bear intellectually good at writing and on the other side, some are made to be writers either they are given the chance to work well in that field, to build something wide to their minds, and to be well-made writers driven with knowledge and exemplary work.

Being a writer can be sculpted out of people. Some are just inspired by others' work and eventually realized that they also have that ability in them.

Some were still in the process of finding their ability in writing and may eventually realize it at the perfect time of their lives.

We were born to eventually become writers, but others have a super passion for writing and they are molded to become good writers. It was natural for us to become writers, but the difference is we are molded in different ways.

[mimas-thoughts]

"Being happy is the best way to say that you're okay"

Thank you for sharing your memories with me

I'm so glad that we're not meant to be

For sure God put us in our own destiny

For us to be happy

I'm not sad when you left

But, I felt sad when you said that I'm right

But, not the right person for you

I will never find someone like you

Because you have been so special to me

And it will never be gone as I wish it could be

Because you became part of my life

And its end is so nice

There's no comeback and I will never stay with you anymore

Because it's no more

And it's hard to recover

When someone left you especially it's your lover

But life is short don't make it shorter

Love for me has no meaning but it must show feeling

Always make sure that you're happy

Because being happy is the best way to say that you're okay

[mimas-thoughts]

"Its okay to say that you will not stay"

Woke up in the morning and say I love you

Woke up in the morning and say I need you

Woke up in the morning and asked how are you

Woke up in the morning because it's a blessing with you

But now it's just a memory

No you and me

Just the memory

No more hugs and kisses

Just ask God and wish, that maybe one day I will find someone who stays

And someone who will never go away

No more fantasies, just love stories

No more sad ending

Because I'm tired to start at the beginning

No more hurting

Because I was broke several times and I don't want to feel aching

Are you in a hurry?

When you left me

Are you rushing?

Because you don't want us to have a happy ending

[mimas-thoughts]

"Love is easy if we're all free"

We just meet for an instance

And destiny puts a distance

I don't know why but we're not meant for each other

Because I think you deserve much better

I'm a gay

They say no one will stay

I ask myself what did I do

And worrying that no one will care about me too

I ask myself again

Can someone love me from what I've been

Loving is easy, but the only thing that makes it unsparing

Is that not all love story has a happy ending

[mimas-thoughts]

(Restart ,reset, refocus)

I need to post this cause i want to share with everybody my experience as an overthinker.

In the year 2020, I took the PLMAT and the UDMAT, but sadly I did not pass it made me feel mad and disappointed in myself because it happened again, last year I also took the PUPCAT and the PNUAT and I did not pass as well. And when I found out that I did not pass again, I was already stressed and I’ve been overthinking a lot cause I dont want to stop again cause every year is important for a student. I overthink a lot I questioned my potential and my capability as a person and it made me feel guilty about myself cause I know I'm a positive person, every day I was mad at myself cause I feel like I'm stupid. I know I do my best but my best does not seem to be enough and I realized that it’s hard for me to do it all again because I can’t and it’s hard for me to take it all in.

Everything is not easy. You need to always be strong. Everything is not fine you need to be well defined and everything takes time, and you need to wait.

God will give you everything when you’re ready, you just have to be patient. And that time I stop overthinking because my friends told me that “Niño, it’s not you because the Niño that I know is a person who has a positive mindset, is a go-getter in life, and is a happy-go-lucky person.” So I was very thankful that I have a lot of nice friends. And thank you Oprah Winfrey for telling me that what a person needs to be successful is at is by being surrounded by good and helpful people who will help him in their darkest days. So I obeyed and surrounded myself with good and helpful people who will help me Oprah is right cause when I messaged my friends that I did not pass the only thing they said “it’s okay” and “I’m very proud of you.” “Risking is better than regretting because it’s okay at least you try and I know you do your best if you want to cry then cry we are always here for you.” So it made me happy that many people believed in me even though I did not pass and it made me feel lucky cause I choose to stop overthinking and just accept the fact that in life it’s not about winning and winning and getting and getting what you want but it’s about accepting that failure is a part of life and failing doesn’t mean you were not good enough maybe it’s not for you, for now, so just believe in yourself, better days are coming.

What helps me to stop overthinking is my 3Rs in life restarts, resets and refocuses. What you need to do to be a better person and to gain yourself again is to restart what you’re doing. It will not help if you will stop again, reset your mindset cause it’s the best thing to do and always be positive in life and refocus on your dreams and goals because everything is achievable.

And that's true everything is achievable, because right now I'm a Second-year student at The Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Manila taking a Bachelor of Arts in Communication.

[mimas-thoughts]

"From Regular Student to Irregular Student" (Singko)

A lot of my friends here on social media posted their academic achievements and I’m very happy to see the smiles on their faces because having an award is a big achievement. It pays off the hard work that they did. But in my case, I’m going to post my grades because I don’t have an award. Getting a failed grade is very heartbreaking because I know that I did my best, but my best wasn’t enough I know that I’m not good at math but I tried to understand every lesson and I tried my best. Having a failed grade made me cry but it taught me a lesson. It taught me that it’s okay if you don't get want you want. You just need to be happy with what you have. Getting a (singko) in Mathematics in Modern World made me realize that you don’t need to focus on major subjects instead you need to focus on minor subjects. Ever since I was in grade school I never really liked math because I find it hard and now I’m here in college, I thought I took a Bachelor of Arts In Communication, but having a math subject, it changed to a Bachelor of Arts in Counting.

A lot of my blockmates in BAC 1-2 also got a (singko) or a failed grade but instead of complaining and asking for a second chance to change our grades, we just accepted it because having a professor who is very professional, but does not possess a good heart is a bad thing.

We all know that we are a (iskolar ng bayan) and we need to maintain our grades but, talking to my blockmates who also got a (singko) made me cry because it’s very hard for them to accept that fact that all of their efforts were wasted. We are not mad at our professor, though. She was just doing her job, but we are deeply disappointed because we know that we don’t know everything but she is a hard-hearted person and she’s always said her favorite line (kayo ang gumagawa ng grade niyo).

To my blockmates who also got a failed grade in Mathematics in the Modern World, we need to accept it already because singko is singko.

Thank you to those people who reminded me that grade is just a grade. They’re just numbers. Thank you for listening to my dramas as well. I’m done crying. I have already accepted it and I’m moving forward. It’s summer break already so I’m going to enjoy the rest of it to the professor who gave me a failed grade, may you have a good vacation also.

[mimas-thoughts]

"A place where hearts don't beat or a place where people don't act"

I always fantasized about falling in love in school. I always realized that something is not true, that something is missing and something is different. Being in love with the same sex is not easy. You're going to be discriminated against by a lot of people. I always think about what did I do wrong. I just fell in love and obeyed my heart. I always think about where I belong. A place where hearts don't beat or a place where people don't act. I remember my motto in life "My greatest fear isn't someone else it's me versus me." I've put in my mind that no one can stop me from being in love and sharing my love with others. I will erase others' points of view and now I will be the real new me.

[mimas-thoughts]

"Being in love and being hurt come together"

In my 20 years of existence in this world, I realized that it's okay to be hurt by someone you love. It's normal, but never hurt yourself. If that person hurt you, just let him go. Being in love and being hurt come together. The only vital thing you can do is to love yourself. If you gave all of your efforts to that person and it is not enough for him don't be sad. You made your part so if it's not enough for him don't be so stupid. If you love someone and he doesn't love you back, the only thing that you can do is accept the fact that the only person who can love you and accept you is yourself.

[mimas-thoughts]

"Does loving someone on the same gender a sin?"

I’m afraid to love again

Does loving someone on the same gender a sin?

I’m gay, but I deserve to be loved because I’m also human

Everyone needs tender loving care

But no one loves me even though it’s a dare

I want to say goodbye

But the question is Why?

They think that I’m dirt

Like a hooker who flirt

But loving someone is not easy

Because we love them without knowing their true personality

Is it a sin to be weak?

Because they judge me so quickly

Being gay is so lucky

Because I’ve made a lot of people happy

I have the strength to shout

But they told me to not open my mouth

Why do I need to suffer this pain

I’m just a gay man who wants to be treated the same

People are idiots, they dont know that we exist

Because they just treat as like a shit

I know that our country is full of judgemental people

People who needs attention

We must make our country a ravishing one

Because we our beautiful if we won

Figthing for our dignity

And inspiring a lot of people with integrity