#i know that got 4 seasons but it was still cut short and BOY has it remained a classic

[neosatsuma]

sorry about your boyfriend, he got canceled after only one season. yeah no the ratings were really good, it wasn't that people didn't like him, it was just like, some arcane executive nonsense. yeah. I mean if it's any consolation, he'll be a cult classic for the next 20 years

[moonlight-records]

Birthday races | CL16 & AL14

pairing: Charles Leclerc & Arthur Leclerc & reader

summary: your best friends are both in October with one day apart. Usually, you're on top of the best combined birthday ever and somehow the one year you rarely plan happens to be the best one yet.

warning: platonic fluff!! lil platonic trio!!

fc: none!

a/n: in honor of my favorite leclerc duos & being charles birthday twin (yes, my birthday is october 16th!) please enjoy this belated/early birthday blurb!

wc: 1.3K

October is your favorite month. You have a giant list of reasons why October just so happens to be the superior month: the weather, flannels, spooky season, pumpkin carvings, and libra season. There was just so much to do but your absolute favorite thing about October is your best friend's birthdays.

It was even better considering their birthdays were only a day apart. October 14th and October 16th so you had just planned a fun filled day with activities they would boy enjoy on October 15th and spent the day celebrating your two closest friends. You really went all out since the activities started typically at midnight on October 15th. Typically from then to noon, you three celebrated Arthur and then from noon to midnight it was Charles, always ending at midnight with you and Arthur singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Charles. It was simple and routine and almost like second nature.

“We leave on my birthday for Austin.”

You stare at Charles and Arthur like they grew three heads each. This is the first time in years that you had to cut your celebrations short due to scheduling and you’ve fully planned things around their races to make sure this happened but this was different. You were so busy with things going on in your life that their birthdays have completely slipped from your mind and now have nothing planned and only…24 hours to figure something out.

“That’s fine!” You beam a smile so they didn’t pick up on the panic coursing through you, “I’ll just adjust my plans.”

“Are you sure?” Arthur asks, “I know you spend forever planning these things…”

“And really they are wonderful and if I could I would fly out first thing Thursday morning but with media day—” Charles asks.

“Guys. Guys. Guys!” You finally say over Arthur and Charles talking about maybe somehow leaving earlier, “It’s fine! Really. You have work and you want to support Charles. When have I ever been upset about this before?” You giggle softly while leaning forward slightly, “I’ve planned around your schedules before, I can do it again! Besides, I’ve been dying for a challenge lately!” You clasp your hands together, “ this will be great!”

This was not great. You had spent Arthur’s birthday running around town trying to plan something. Anything. It seemed the universe heard you and really amped it up because there is nothing to do in Monaco. Everything has magically been booked up and you are about to pull all your hair out because you’re certain that this is going to be the worst birthday you’re going to throw for them before an idea clicks.

Why bother going out and running the town when you guys can just stay in and be lazy? It’s perfect! Charles and Arthur can nap and last minute pack before their flight while still celebrating both their birthdays. You take a second trip around town and collect everything that you need, including last minute birthday presents (not your proudest moments this year but hey, you do what you got to do) and a huge surprise, and then get home roughly close to 8pm and only have 4 hours to get things together.

You decorate your living room and giggle happily seeing your hard work. You somehow found Ferrari and racing themed decorations (balloons included) and had happily turned your living room into a mini race track to mirror Monaco. It was…a valiant effort on your party as you tilted your head at the rather wonky layout. Table at the start for drinks, each section existing with something else. Mostly mini party things: sunglasses, shot glasses, balloons (that didn’t make the cut so were now sacrifices to being victims to Charles and Arthur trying to see how could have the higher voice off of helium), cupcakes (which currently had a placeholder), and a few other things. You set a table up for the food which would be the pit lane.

It was all coming together.

You spent the last two and a half hours between baking the desserts and cooking the appetizers. While that’s happening, you also start getting the drinks ready. You were so in the zone that you didn’t realize how much time had gone but you managed to get it done. You step back to admire your hard work after setting the stations up and your huge surprise before there’s a knock on your door.

“Coming!”

Ushering to the front door you glance at your ring camera panel seeing Arthur and Charles standing outside talking to each other. You open your door just enough to stick your head out and smile brightly. “Boys!”

“Y/N!” They say in unison.

“Okay, the two of you close your eyes,” you instruct and watch them before opening the door. By some miracle, you manage to guide the two of them in without them tripping over one another as you lead them to the ‘start of the track’. “Almost there.” You have Charles shuffle into pole position, given he was older, and then place Arthur in p2. You step back and quickly take your phone out to snap a photo before smiling. “Open your eyes!”

You watch them open their eyes and look around. Charles’ eyes widen while Arthur whispers a soft ‘wow’. The two of them break out into wide smiles (almost identical, thank god they looked different). “Tadaaaa,” you say while giving them some jazz hands, “I made a…rough layout of the Monaco track.” Turning, “the snacks are at the pit lane, drinks are at the start and you have to take a shot before you start racing and then each corner has a little surprise. Cupcakes, candy, birthday presents,” you list off before turning to them, “also if you look behind you—”

Charles turns and gasps loudly, “Y/N!” Arthur turns and covers his mouth before laughing loudly.

The huge surprise happens to be three electric ride-on cars. Charles was a black Ferrari with red accents, Arthur’s was the reverse of that, and you had picked a white Jeep, “They’re remote control and derivable on its own. I also replaced the batteries with drill batteries so without further ado,” you go to your laptop and play the iconic countdown to start a race. Rushing over, Charles had managed to pour shots without making a huge mess.

“Lights out and away we go!” Croft’s voice rings from your laptop. The three of you immediately take your shots. You manage to get in your jeep first and turn it on before taking off, forgetting that the drill battery is much more powerful and you almost take yourself out. You laugh loudly as Charles curses, struggling to turn his car on while Arthur screams when he starts driving and Charles is shouting at Arthur to be careful.

The three of you race till the wee hours of the morning. Mostly because you had to pause to recharge the drill batteries but also Charles had spilled two drinks, Arthur got frosting in his face after grabbing a cupcake and accidentally pressing the gas and you were playing host and driver. You ended up winning the race by 2 seconds. After, the three of you settled down as the boys opened their boo baskets (that you were calling ‘boo birthday baskets’) and all the gifts you had picked. The boys loved them.

Three of you ordered a huge breakfast and just chatted. You bring the cake out about three hours before Charles and Arthur have to leave to pack and you sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to both Arthur and Charles and watch them blow out their candles (having given them candles on opposite sides of the cake) and settle down on the couch, all cuddled up together, watching some trashy reality tv to end the birthday celebration which the three of you had decided would be the go to birthday celebration from now.

[darylscigarettesmoke]

Who is gonna be Laurent’s dad?

Now, when it comes to Laurent, people have one opinion: He’s set up to be Daryl’s adopted son since season 1 of his spin-off. But what if there’s someone else in the picture, who could take the boy under his wings?

The following contains spoilers for Daryl Dixon season 2 (I haven’t seen all episodes yet, this is based on Spoilers I read online)

Back in season 1 of Daryl’s spin-off, Daryl meets Laurent and is supposed to protect him. During the journey across the post-apocalyptic France, they start to bond, so much, that he decides to miss his boat back home to stay back and save him. Now, Daryl being Daryl - he’s always been great with kids - teaches Laurent basic survival skills, how to gut a gut a fish, we even see how he teaches him American Baseball. Laurent has clearly become important to him during his (short) time in France.

Now, Laurent being Daryl’s adoptive son makes sense for Daryl, storytelling-wise. Daryl’s a father - but not just any father, he’s the father of a bright, young boy. I’d love to see Daryl as a girl-dad, that would be freaking adorable, but taking care of a boy would make sense for his character. Having grown up with an abusive Dad himself, having a son would probably heal Daryl’s inner child in ways a daughter couldn’t. This is shown in an episode in season 1 when Laurent cuts his boat loose - Daryl lashes out on him, calls him names, says he’s worthless - and then he stops himself, hugs Laurent and says he didn’t mean it. With a son he can grow, he can heal, and he can break the “Dixon”-curse and pass on the great morals and values he’s come to achieve during his character arc.

Also, Laurent is everything Daryl wasn’t as a kid. Book-smart, educated, shielded from the world, well protected, religious. He totally contradicts what Daryl always stood for - which is why they can benefit from one another. Through Laurent, Daryl learns to appreciate the spiritual side of things, through Daryl, Laurent learns how to navigate the cruel and harsh world they find themselves in without losing himself.

Having Laurent as a son would be the perfect conclusion to Daryl’s character arc. Only that we haven’t seen the end of his arc yet.

But there’s someone else. A parent. A father. A man who lost his own son. Ash.

We don’t know a lot about Ash. His character’s sole purpose is to bring Carol to France, where she wants to find Daryl.

But we know he is compassionate, a warmhearted man - and a father who lost his son and is still not over his grief, living alone near his son’s grave, which he visits every morning. At the end of season 2, I believe, he escapes with Laurent on the plane to fly back to America. Daryl and Carol stay back.

Since we don’t know if Manish Dayal (the actor who plays Ash) is part of DD: S3, we have to assume that his character arc is complete. A grieving father, who travels abroad due to Carol’s lies, finds himself in chaos, and returns to America with a new son and a newfound purpose as a reward or a recompense for all he had to endure during his travels - it would be the perfect circle and a perfectly tied up character arc.

With Daryl Dixon Season 3 and possibly a Season 4 coming, it’s clear that Daryl’s character arc is not complete yet and that he still has a way to go. Laurent is not coming along to Spain and it might be a while until Daryl and Carol make their way back to the states - if ever.

Daryl’s and Laurents bond is undoubtedly strong, but we also have to take into consideration what Norman Reedus himself said in that Entertainment-Weekly interview (that was about the Isabelle-kiss, but it also fits here)

Rick had a family. Glenn has a son, even though he never got to see him.

So maybe, just maybe, Daryl’s happy ending is still somewhere out on the horizon.

[icey--stars]

Vanserra Brothers (Headcanons)

Headcanons for each of of the Vanserra brothers. All 7, including the ones who passed in the Spring Court incident.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Day 1 of @erisweek2023 (Brotherhood / Family)

a/n: welcome to Eris Week 2023 everyone! I have a couple headcanons coming toward you that will include the headcanons that Born for Tragedy is set in as well as other future stories about Eris or Lucien! So... if anyone starts wondering about my headcanons, bOOM. I had too much fun with this one.

So… let’s start with family/brother headcanons. (post-beron’s death because fuck that guy) also I added a bit of dad!Helion in this because in my hopeful heart, I want the Vanserra brothers to have a real dad.

WARNINGS: MENTIONS ABUSE/TORTURE, VERY ANGSTY, TRAUMA DISCUSSED AND BAD TRAUMA RESPONSES

I hope you enjoy it regardless though! This was actually quite fun to make because I can use it for my other stories when I talk about the Vanserra brothers :)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

So, Eris has 4 brothers that are still alive. I’ve already named them in Born for Tragedy, but I plan to use the HC across many different stories, so let's talk about them.

Jax is the second eldest Vanserra. He’s probably the one who got abused the least because his personality and stoicness is exactly what Beron wanted for a son. 

However, he is widely regarded as having snails for brains, so Eris still got the general position while Beron lived because Eris was more apt in strategy and getting people to do what he wants.

Jax likes to fight and while not too impulsive since his teen years, he tends to be always looking for a fight.

If anyone was going to get him a gift, he’d probably most appreciate armor/weapons. However, make it fancy because he likes to be well dressed and look the most wealthy compared to everyone else.

Jax is the brute warrior of the Vanserras with very little ability to do anything court-related.

Normally, he has quite the cold heart and Eris has struggled to have any sort of relationship with him.

Of course, Eris actually was jealous when Jax was born, as he got more attention than Eris during those times, and Eris wasn’t completely mature enough to realize that the fact he kept seeming to reject Jax, hurt the poor boy more.

So, Eris has the worst relationship with Jax of all and Jax is too standoffish and holds grudges so long that they just can’t find any sort of relationship with each other.

But Eris does keep in mind his brother’s preferences though because he eventually realized his mistake when the now dead, third-eldest Vanserra, Fynn came along.

Now, before we go on about Fynn and perhaps how he died while chasing Lucien to the Spring Court… Jax does know that Eris tries. He does, but he’s salty. That’s all. Salty motherfucker who’s virtually emotionless, but probably the least traumatized of all the brothers.

He was one of the 2 brothers to help Eris chase Feyre into the Winter Court.

Nothing much changes for him when Eris finally becomes High Lord. It’s just a change of seasons for him.

Now, Fynn was kinder than any of the previously born brothers. Beron resented him for it and often punished the boy when he was found being kind to a servant.

So Fynn hardened and by the time he was an adult, he was rageful and absolutely miserable to be around. Such a short fuse and a big boom to go along with it.

Fynn constantly was angry. At Beron, at Eris- not too much at Jax because they mostly ignored each other. Fynn was jealous of Eris.

Eris never did manage to apologize for the whippings that Beron forced him to give Fynn before the brother died.

But in all honesty, Fynn had been broken beyond repair. His kindness cost him and he was angry and rageful all the time. At everyone.

Some say it was a good thing that he died when he did.

The boy was smarter than Jax, but Beron still prized Eris for his manipulation tactics, so of course, Fynn was salty about that as well.

Eris and him often fought, but it was always Eris who cut it short and dismissed his brother. Yet another reason Fynn was so rageful.

He was ignored. A third born meant nothing to everyone. Eris was the prized first born Vanserra. Jax was close enough that they didn’t care. But Fynn meant nothing to them. And worst yet, he was weaker than most of his brothers and had less control over fire than any of them.

In the Spring Court incident, he was one of the two brothers besides Calix (6th born) to die. The third brother chasing Lucien under Beron’s order was Kuhn (5th born). Killed by Tamlin- his rage was at last quelled.

The next brother is Hue, 4th born in the Vanserra line.

By the time that Hue had been born, Eris had managed to get his head out of his ass and swore to protect his youngest brother, helping his mother to raise them in secret and helped his brother deal with Beron’s beatings.

Hue was as kind as Fynn, and he was intelligent as well. He was fascinated by everything. However, Beron called him his “failure.” The boy acted more like a scholar than anyone else in the Forest House.

At one point, Beron ordered Eris to take the boy during some constructive early teen years to a cabin and raise him. Eris had mastered seeming as cruel and manipulative as his father by this point. Eris kept his rage down and followed orders.

Eris fostered his brother’s scholarly heart, but trained him well to never show that weakness to his father. Hue was a more lanky brother, and while training was enjoyable, he preferred reading in his rooms.

But in any battle (which he has been in many, as he was the other brother helping to chase Feyre with Eris), he is very fast. The quickest reflexes.

He’s one of the more emotional brothers, but hides it well.

He enjoys the finer aspects of magic. The beautiful parts– not burning someone’s face off, but using it to make a piece of artwork.

Hue is fascinated by shiny little trinkets that he can collect and either hide or put on his bookshelves to decorate them. His bookshelves are a mess.

But he also enjoys art. Drawing, painting and other various options are some of his favorite pastimes as he tries to capture the beauty of a very simple scene in a canvas.

So, if you were getting him a gift, the best option is a bunch of little trinkets, a lifetime supply of books (which is exactly what Helion does as he gains Hue’s trust. He gives him little trinkets maybe with a little bit of magic from his libraries and then gives Hue free access to said libraries whenever he wishes for it) and maybe some art supplies, but Hue doesn’t need much. He just needs a canvas, pencil and then some paints to be happy.

When Eris becomes High Lord– Hue is very happy when he allows him to explore any and all interests he has. And Eris is very proud of him 🥹🥹🥹

The next Vanserra, the 5th born, is Kuhn. Kuhn is similar to Jax in ways, as they both have quite broad shoulders and enjoy training. Eris is more lanky than Kuhn, but no matter for either of them. Kuhn gives better hugs that way.

Now, seeing as Hue was such a “success” when being raised by Eris, as soon as Kuhn was able to be fed solid food, he was whisked away to the cabin.

Eris promised his mother to care for his brother. Kuhn grew up very similar to Hue– free from Beron’s wrath, but trained to avoid it, and not get either of them in trouble when they return to the Forest House years later. Beron was pleased with how Kuhn acted so warrior on the outside and actually rewarded Eris for his efforts.

Kuhn is like a mix of Jax and Hue at the same time. He enjoys training and is quite apt in his bow skills, but at the same time, he’s also fascinated by particular things– namely animals and the stars.

So… when Helion is giving out gifts, he gives Kuhn a little trinket that shows the view of the stars in the Night Court from the top of some mountains and makes sure to get an invitation for them both to the next Starfall in Velaris. (Kuhn was very happy)

Kuhn enjoys helping Eris with his hounds when he can, learning at least their names and offering advice when Eris off handedly mentions some issue, or that some hound got injured

When Eris is High Lord, Kuhn and Hue are some of the most useful when dealing with the lords and other annoying things.

Calix is the 6th born Vanserra, and according to canon, the last of Beron’s sons. One of the perished ones.

Beron did the same as he did with Kuhn and Hue– have Eris raise him. Calix didn’t seem scholarly at all though and was quite the violent child. But he was better than Fynn, and that was for sure. But they were similar, but Calix lacked the “loss of kindness” that Fynn had.

Calix was inherently violent, often killing frogs and other creatures just for fun and then throwing their bodies around for fun.

Eris did his best to “train” Calix, but the boy was unbothered and ignored him.

So, when it came time to go back to the Forest House, Calix was punished harshly, and with him, Eris. Calix didn’t understand, however, that it had been his fault that Eris was so cold toward him afterward.

Calix looks like almost an exact copy of Eris, so Beron had been hopeful, but quickly found that Eris was much more well trained and so Calix was resented, but not nearly as much as some of the other brothers.

Calix is the other brother that is killed by Tamlin. Beron basically taken the two sons most desperate to please him to chase Lucien to the Spring Court. Calix had been quite desperate, and Fynn, and Kuhn had simply been ordered to go along, as Beron considered him one of the more pleasing sons. Eris, since he refused to go along despite being ordered, was punished severely.

So, Calix and Fynn died, and Kuhn returned with gouges from huge claws in his back.

Hue was banned from helping either of the injured brothers and was barely even allowed to grieve his other two. (Hue had cared for them despite them mostly hating him for being more well-liked by their father)

Now, naturally, Lucien is the last brother we talk about. He was born before the Spring Court incident, and Beron was practically raging at the fact that Eris had failed at raising Calix as he did with Kuhn.

However, Eris managed to convince Beron to give him a chance with Lucien and his mother didn’t even wean Lucien off her milk, she just sent Eris to get him in a panic.

Eris found out why the panic soon after when Lucien was laughing with joy in a cradle in the cabin. The boy was glowing.

So yes, in my mind, Eris did know that Lucien was not Beron’s son, but treated him all the same.

Before Lucien could remember anything though, Eris found a spell to lock that Day Court magic inside the toddler before he burnt down the house with all the heat pouring off of him. After all, Day Court and Autumn Court abilities were similar in that way– heat. And Eris didn’t have a damn clue how to train Lucien to control his Day Court powers, so he locked them away and managed the fire instead.

Lucien was different from any other brother Eris had managed to raise. He was smart, could fight very well, but he was… different. Emotional and very quickly bonded with anything. Animals, most notably. When one of Eris’s hounds accidentally bit the boy in play, Lucien had acted so rejected.

Eris tried his best, and it paid off… mostly. They were ordered to return early from the canon and Lucien wasn’t vicious enough yet and Beron punished them both, finding the smallest excuse to do it to Eris.

Lucien resented Eris after that, and Eris never did try to mend that relationship, nor did he find the time when Lucien fell in love with a lesser fae female. However, he refused to hunt Lucien after he ran for the Spring Court. In the few minutes he had before Beron came after him, he made sure his littlest brother would be cared for and sent a letter to Tamlin.

Also, as an added note as to why Lucien believes Eris is so cruel: he thinks Eris was the one to report Jesminda to Beron- purely to make gain off of it (acceptance from Beron being the goal)

I’m not going to go too much farther into Lucien, as we know a lot about canon past that point and there are other times to talk about all my HCs for Lucien. This is about Eris and his brothers.

Now, if you notice, I’ve done all the Vanserras except the first born. Eris. Poor, tortured Eris.

In my mind, Eris is one of the most traumatized Vanserras, with Hue, Calix and Fynn coming close in second. He was the first to learn of Beron’s cruelty, the first to face it, and the one to face it the longest.

He messed up a lot too. Beron wanted cruel, wicked and manipulative. Eris was none of those things as a child. He was curious, loved cuddling with his momma and loved playing with the hunting hounds people brought around. He loved riding horses-

Basically, Eris wasn’t that way. But he quickly learned to be. Permanently changed by Fynn to be exactly who his father wanted because he was desperate to avoid the whip and the fire and the pain. However, he still managed to keep the pieces of his fractured heart, even if they were slipping between his fingers.

That is probably the only reason he was able to raise his brothers the way he did. Hue and Kuhn care for him deeply in that way, and he is the same way. But they never show it. However, the little fist bumps or secretive gifts were enough for Hue and Kuhn to know that Eris still cared even when he was forced to whip them by Beron’s command.

Oh yes… Eris wasn’t just the abused. He was also the abuser. Even if he didn’t want to be. But he always managed to show enough pleasure in the act to placate his father, because sometimes it was a good feeling. He felt in control, despite not being in control in the slightest.

But without Beron’s command, he always felt guilty for it and knew that in some way, his brothers did hold something against him for it. I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t though? Eris truly seemed like he enjoyed it. And he never came to check up on them afterwards. (He sometimes wanted to, but refused to risk his father’s rage again)

His brothers (especially Lucien because Beron knew he was different than the other pale red heads that were his sons and was punished more, and much more by Eris himself) think him cruel. Even if they saw a softer side when they grew up, he was still vicious with training. Sometimes heartless. And he can't help this because of how he grew up. He's sort of like Fynn in those ways.

Eris isn't completely kind though. Some (like his mother) like to paint him as damaged, but even while he is damaged, he is still not absent of cruelty. After all, Beron drilled it into him. The pleasure in whipping was surely evidence of such.

But he does truly hate Beron. He knows his father is a cruel male- crueler than he. Willing to kill lovers of his own sons and lords whenever. He hates Beron- for everything. For what he did to Eris, for what he did to the Autumn Court, for what he did to his mother, and what he did to his brothers. There are of course, many more reasons, but those are the main ones.

Even after becoming High Lord, he didn’t show much more emotion or care, but he did allow his brothers more freedom and they lived with less fear. It would take a millennia to repair the damage done to them all though.

So, to say the least, the Vanserra family is fucked up and there isn’t much repairs in sight. Even when Helion tries to get closer to them, it's hard. They are traumatized asf and often, lonely because lonely=safe in their mind because there is nobody to report them to their father.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Btw, feel free to ask more questions about the headcanons <3

TAGLIST HERE! - see post for specifics <3

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters

(please let me know if you'd rather not be tagged in Eris Week or would like to!!)

[matchingbatbites]

Love Grows - Part 3

Y'all, this chapter fought with me so hard. It took a while to get something I'm actually happy with, but I got there eventually. This part is 2.4k of fluff to make up for the wait <3

Ao3 | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

May '85

After that first time, Rosie becomes a regular attendee of Hellfire nights, and Andy even apologizes his way back into Eddie's good graces and earns a spot in the "Rosie Rotation". Once basketball season ends and there’s no need for Eddie to watch Rosie during games anymore, the group of boys only make it three weeks before they start complaining about the baby’s absence, and Eddie just rolls his eyes in mock annoyance.

He tells Steve about it, half-expecting the younger to just find it amusing, and he’s surprised when Steve actually starts bringing her by to visit. It’s not every week, more like every second or third, but it’s enough to keep the club members from complaining, and Eddie finds he enjoys getting to sequester Steve away behind the DM screen, letting him take a peek behind the curtain that no one else is allowed to breach.

By the end of the school year, Steve and Eddie have a decent friendship, or so Eddie hopes. With graduation behind them, they've bonded over Steve's college denials, and Eddie's failing senior year again , and it's been nice having someone outside his normal friend group to talk to about it, someone who understands what it feels like to fall short of success.

Steve’s dad officially cuts him off, and Eddie has a brief moment of panic before Steve reassures him that no , he’s not being kicked out, they’re letting him and Rosie stay at the house. (“They’d rather make sure the house is taken care of than kick me out.”) But Steve needs a job, and after applying to a few places at Starcourt, he gets a spot working at Scoops Ahoy.

He's meeting Steve at the mall so he can take Rosie while the younger is at work, and though Steve had complained to him about the required uniform, Eddie is sorely unprepared to see it in person. When Steve steps out of his car wearing that fucking sailor outfit, Eddie almost has to sit down from the wave of solid need that hits him as his little crush flares into full-blown desire. 

He takes a steadying breath and puts on a grin, gives a joking "Well, ahoy sailor!" and Steve rolls his eyes. 

"I know, it's fucking awful, but I needed a job fast and they were hiring."

Eddie laughs and follows Steve to the backseat, can’t help glancing down to see the way the blue shorts stretch over his ass when the younger leans in to grab Rosie’s carrier. “I dunno, Stevie. If anyone can make this work, it’s definitely you.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Steve says, and Eddie’s eyes snap back to appropriate areas when Steve straightens and offers the baby to him. “Though I’d feel better about it if I wasn’t dressed like fucking Donald Duck.” 

Eddie snickers at the idea and Steve gives him a very unamused look. “Sorry, sorry. Seriously though, you look fine,” he says, taking Rosie’s carrier and bringing it over to his car. He takes a second to buckle the girl into his passenger seat - not the safest, he knows, but he always drives extra careful when he has her. “Besides, at least you won’t be the only person there wearing a dorky sailor outfit. You have a coworker, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m still gonna complain about it though.” Eddie turns to find Steve behind him, diaper bag in hand and seemingly resigned to his fate. “Do you have any plans for today?

Eddie shakes his head and takes the bag from him. “Nah, just watching nugget. Probably gonna take her back to the trailer, if that’s okay?” 

“Of course it is. You know I trust you with her,” Steve says with a smile, and fuck , the guy really doesn’t know what that one sentence does to Eddie. The fact that Steve trusts him with something as precious as his daughter is worth more to Eddie than anything else in the world. The sudden swell of emotion is too much, and Eddie needs to leave before he makes a fool of himself. 

“Thanks, Stevie,” he says, and he can’t resist reaching out and tugging on that dumb little tie on Steve’s shirt. “Well, have fun at work, sailor. Don’t let anyone throw you overboard.”

Steve gently smacks his hand away and rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get into too much trouble with my kid, Eds.”

Eddie grins as he heads to his driver seat, calling out a final “Wouldn’t dream of it!”

He does bring Rosie back to the trailer, since he really doesn’t have anything else to do that day but watch her. When he walks through the door, he sees Wayne sitting on the couch, newspaper in hand, and the man looks up as Eddie enters. His eyes snap to the carrier in Eddie’s hand and he sets the paper down.

"Should I be concerned?"

Eddie shakes his head and sets down the diaper bag. "Don't worry, old man, Rosie isn't mine. She belongs to a friend." 

"A friend?" Wayne stands and walks over so he can peek inside the carrier, and Rosie looks up at him with her big hazel eyes.

"Yeah. Her mama didn't want her, and her dad is pulling double time as a single parent and a teen dad, so I'm gonna watch her a few days a week while he's at work." 

Wayne instantly softens and gives him a small smile as he reaches out, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. "That's really nice of you, Ed. I’m proud of you.”

Eddie shrugs a little, suddenly feeling bashful under his uncle’s approval. “Yeah, well- Hey!” He says as Wayne takes the carrier from his hands.

“I’ll keep an eye on her while you wash those dishes you were supposed to do last night,” Wayne says, setting down the carrier before pulling Rosie out of it. Eddie rolls his eyes even as he smiles, and he takes off his jacket and heads over to the sink. 

He gets distracted often as he does the dishes, he can’t stop himself from glancing over to watch Wayne and Rosie. They’re on the nearby couch, and his uncle has the baby sat on his leg, facing him as he talks to her softly. Eddie’s heart aches as he sees Wayne’s big, work-worn hands holding her so carefully, his rough appearance juxtaposed against Rosie’s fragile softness.

The dishes get done pretty quickly, and once Eddie dries his hands he makes his way over to sit next to Wayne. Rosie looks up at him and smiles so wide her pacifier falls from her mouth, and Eddie chuckles as he grabs it before it can hit the floor. 

“She’s a sweet baby,” Wayne says, smiling down at the girl, and Eddie nods in agreement. There's a moment of silence before Eddie looks at his uncle.

“You know, grandpa Wayne has a nice ring to it.” 

Wayne scoffs a little, but Eddie can see the way his eyes shine at the idea. “I’m sure she already has enough grandparents spoiling her. No need for me to get in the way.”

Eddie hums and reaches over, takes one of Rosie’s tiny hands in his own and just cradles it between his thumb and forefinger. “Actually, not really. Her mom’s family is totally out of the picture, and Steve’s parents are pretty shitty. He said they didn’t even acknowledge her the last time they came home.”

The older man frowns, looks between his nephew and the baby. “Are you serious? They just ignored their own grandbaby?” he asks, watching as Rosie brings Eddie’s hand to her mouth so she can gnaw on one of his fingers.

“Like I said, they’re pretty shitty. She deserves to have at least one grandparent who cares about her, even if they’re not blood.”

Wayne stays silent and Eddie glances at him. “I’ll double check with Steve, if it’ll make you feel better, but I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“As long as you ask first,” the man says after a moment, and Eddie just beams.

June 85’

Eddie finds a new delight, and that's bringing Rosie to visit Steve at work. It's definitely because he doesn’t want to keep Rosie cooped up in the trailer all the time, and not because he has a chronic need to see Steve in those sailor shorts as often as possible.

Today he actually has a proper reason to go to the mall, because he wants to grab a few miniatures from the gaming shop that just opened not too far from the food court. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he pulls Rosie from the van, making a mental note that she’s going to outgrow her carseat soon. He leaves the carrier behind as he totes her inside, glances briefly into the gaming shop as he passes before heading on to Scoops Ahoy.

As Eddie approaches the counter, he bites back his usual, cheery greeting when he sees Steve standing there, hands and jaw both clenched as he stares at the sticky plastic. If Eddie knew him any less, he wouldn't notice the tears welling in his eyes, the tremble in his lower lip. Before he can ask, he hears whispers coming from a nearby table, just loud enough that Eddie knows the three teenage girls sitting there don't care about actually being heard.

"I heard that he was probably cheating on Nancy Wheeler with the baby's mother, it's the only way it makes sense." 

"You’re so right. I mean, he's always been a playboy, so I'm not surprised that he was two-timing a couple of poor, unsuspecting girls." 

Eddie sees red at the biting words. These girls have no idea what they're talking about, they don't know that Steve wouldn't even dream of doing something like that. He leans over the counter and presses Rosie into Steve’s hands, startling the younger out of his stupor, and drops the diaper bag onto the floor. 

"I’ll be right back," Eddie says before heading out of the shop. He goes to a nearby food stand and buys the largest cup of Hawaiian Punch they have, then carries it back to Scoops Ahoy. He takes off the lid as he approaches the girls, and they don’t pay him any attention at all - until he upturns the cup onto the table and sends a flood of Red 40 spilling across the surface and down onto their laps. All three girls scream and jump up, trying to minimize the damage done to their clothes, and Eddie feels so smug.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he says, keeping his tone even and clearly unapologetic, and one of the girls turns to look at him, eyes blazing with fury. 

“What the fuck! What’s your fucking problem?!”

“Right now? You three shit-talking, pep-rally posers are my fucking problem. Just be happy it wasn’t a slushie.”

A different girl lets out a cry of anger as she grabs her ice cream and throws it at Eddie, hitting him square in the chest with it. He levels an unimpressed look at her and wipes the dessert off with his hand. “You ladies should probably get going before your clothes are stained beyond saving.”

As furious as they are, the three seem to agree as they quickly leave, but not without throwing a few more insults his way. He waves them off with a “Have a nice day!” then turns to see Robin now behind the counter instead of Steve, Rosie propped on her hip and a beaming smile on her face. 

“I’ll clean it up, I promise,” Eddie says as he makes his way back to the counter. 

"That was so awesome! I fucking hate those girls, they're always awful to Steve and they never tip," she says, and Eddie frowns. 

"Birdie, how long has this been going on?” 

Before Robin can answer, Steve appears from the back area with a bucket and mop, as well as a few hand towels, and Eddie rushes over to help him. They carry the supplies to the table, and Eddie wipes the juice onto the floor as Steve mops it up, the two working in tandem to clean up Eddie’s mess as Robin keeps an eye on Rosie.

“I’m sorry about this,” Eddie says after a few minutes of silence. “I was just… pissed off, and I wasn’t thinking, and this is the only thing I could think of to do that didn’t involve me throwing punches at girls.”

Steve hums softly, waits a moment before saying “I’m not upset. I just… You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Eddie steps over, wrings out the rag into the mop bucket. “I wasn’t going to let them sit there and talk shit about you Steve. You’re stepping up and raising Rosie by yourself, and… You don’t deserve that. 

“Well, not all by myself.” Steve has a soft smile as he leans over and nudges his shoulder against Eddie’s. “You’ve done more than your fair share, I think.”

The blush that floods Eddie’s face matches the red still covering the floor and he quickly turns, almost trips as he goes back to the booth, and he hears Steve chuckle behind him. By the time the mess is completely cleaned up, Eddie’s hands are stained a soft pink even after a few washes in the employee sink.

“I should probably go before I cause any more damage to your place of employment.” he says, slinging Rosie’s bag over his shoulder. 

“I dunno, I kind of enjoy the free entertainment,” Robin chimes in, and Steve rolls his eyes as he takes Rosie from her. “Okay, next time you can spend ten minutes cleaning up Hawaiian Punch.”

Eddie groans and scrubs his stained hands over his face. “I’m never gonna live this down, am I?” he asks, and Robin grins. “Definitely not.”

He groans again, definitely over-exaggerating at this point just to make Robin laugh, and glances over to see Steve place a kiss to Rosie’s chubby cheek. “Alright, nugget, we gotta get back to work,” Steve says, and like a sixth sense, a group of four teens walk into the shop. Robin greets them as Steve hands Rosie over with a final peck.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly as he takes the baby and props her on his hip. “Call me before you leave and I’ll order us a pizza or something. Consider it an apology for my 'Shining' moment.” 

And his knees go weak when Steve gives him that soft smile and nods. “I think I could accept that apology.”

Tag list:

@luciana-rowan @bidisastersworld @little-gae-shit @thehumblefigtree @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcarin @estrellami-1 @shrimply-a-menace @anaibis @livelaughlexa @vampireinthesun @zerokrox-blog @mackdaddyofheimlichcountyy @idea-less-author @thegingerrapunzel @fantasyfr3ak @stevesbipanic @electrick-marionnett @tuesdaycats @seths-rogens @flustratedcas @qomrades @artiststarme @death-the-elf @itsanarrum @linkydinky06 @jaywhohasthegay @aboredowl @maya-custodios-dionach @swimmingbirdrunningrock @awkotaco24 @themardlonk @messrs-weasley @sly-bananabread @panicatthediaz @justforthedead89 @whalesharksart @eerielake @smolbasilboy @freyaforestafay @gleek4twd @gayngerthings @newtstabber @lucasrightarm @huskysarelife @i-must-potato @thegingervulcan @novelnovella @ryebread375 @stardustonpages

[wewebaggit]

The Big Byler Theory

This might not be well structured but I will try not to be all over the place and keep it as short as possible. So here goes.

How it's gone so far

First and foremost, Mike's got to earn it. He has been a bit of a bitch and an asshole and has not yet learned the art of apologising. The show and Mike rest on Will's enthusiasm to forgive and forget to make it seem like all's fine and dandy. Mike hasn't apologised for his homophobic remark in season 3 and neither has he apologised for repeatedly ignoring Will. (season 4 apology was lame sowie) Mike has to learn to make amends (not just with Will) and take responsibility for his words. You can't just be the heart and then simultaneously be the asshole.

Will on the other hand needs to get to a point where he "doesn't hate himself" or at least makes major improvement in his self worth. His arc can't be about realising that he's deserving of Mike's love. But love in general.

Van Scene/Garage Scene aka Byler create a Scene

People talk about how Mike doesn't make him feel like a mistake at all and apply it to Mike making him feel like he's okay/better for being gay. NO. Mike's love and friendship makes him better for being different. Different in the way he's small and shy and easily intimidated but better cuz he feels like he can voice his opinions in front of Mike. Different in the way that his clothes are colourful, he draws and is artsy and sensitive and has been regularly bullied for those qualities even by his own father but better cuz Mike plasters his art everywhere. Different in the way that his songs are "stupid" or not Kenny Rogers but better cuz he can sing them around Mike anyway. Different in the way that he was possessed by a netherworldly entity and used as a spy but better cuz Mike made him their super spy. Different in how he was alone on the swings and Mike walked up to him and asked him to be his friend and it was the best thing he ever did. Different in the way he feels not everyone understands him but better cuz Mike does and would be gladly go crazy together with him. Different in how he is usually treatedlike a baby, like a freak but better cuz Mike doesn't treat him differently at all.

But that does not give Mike a pass. The 2020fication of the 80s or the post-homophobiafication of humanity in general has made people excuse homophobia just because it came from a gay guy. People need to realise that just because you suspect someone to be homophobic, you don't just cut them out of your life. Many do. Many don't. There's militant homophobia and then there's the hate the sin not the sinner homophobia. And everything in between. So Will regardless of what he thinks about Mike's homophobia is not just gonna dump his ass. As far as Will knows Mike's just straight. He does not have Tumblr perspective. Heck he has lesser than casual viewer perspective. So his gayness is still definitely something Mike doesn't make him feel better about. Cuz Mike doesn't even know for one. And Mike is just rubbing his relationship in his face even if it's not about being homophobic but just a bad friend. (In Will's POV)

And no. This is not to call Mike the devil's spawn. But to say that an express apology is fundamental to his own arc. Because to apologise to Will he must first forgive himself for wanting what he wants.

I resent the idea that Mike is aware of AND willing to explore his feelings for Will but ONLY stops himself because he loves El so so much and doesn't want to lose her. Makes no sense. She hasn't really been sending him any signals of wanting to chuck him out of her life.

Mike's arc is about conformism. And it is because he's someone who can successfully do it without being "clocked". He isn't scared to lose her. He is scared to lose his shield. He's scared to face his "difference" cuz if he doesn't have a girlfriend he is only a boy who doesn't really want girlfriends and honestly can't get girlfriends.

And again that's not a commentary on his frog face or inability to rizz up or whatever the kids are calling it these days. It is his canon inability to know anything about dating a girl. Something that is very instinctual. (Confusion over how to get back El vs just knowing to go after Will). He keeps looking up to Lucas who's by no means an expert since that's his first relationship too. But my boy Sinclair has his hetero instincts with him. Puberty slapped Mike hard and he is now not only aware that he's attracted to boys but also that he's not attracted to girls.

It's his defensiveness and self-hate that made him lash out at Will. Was he projecting? Yes. But was he really remorseful? No. Because he intended to say what he did. That's what people do when they're defensive. Cuz it was an entirely disproportionate response to "some stupid girl". Also a hetero would know bros before hoes. (ik shit) But he completely cuts off his bros? Ya. So so straight. As seen with Lucas not finding it hard to find a balance. (It's been like this all summer - Lucas Sinclair himself said it).

So what does it mean for Byler? (That is so horribly underdeveloped LMAO I can't even bt that's for a different day).

How it should go moving forward (I feel/hope/pray/manifest)

Well, the timing of it could be anything. But that painting is gonna be brought up. And it is going to be messy. I know people want Mike to be sad and not angry, but sad and angry is just so much better and makes sense. There is a fight. Because neither are ready to lay it all out in the open. You don't suddenly gain that confidence. I hope they're separated after. If it is because of avoidance, different team ups, or both. Doesn't matter. They both need time with their thoughts and the time being spent thinking about their own selves. This growth may be through convos with their loved ones and some other self reflective moments. I think that Mike's gonna get a coming out scene most probably with Karen. Will might get a scene like the one he already got in SBP with Jonathan but maybe with Joyce. (I hope she needs to make a comeback as a mother.) It could be a private moment or a Byers family moment. I don't want a party coming out. I want the boys to share this with the people that are closest to them and their fiercest supporters and rocks. Karen for Mike and Joyce n Jonatan for Will. Also, I think it's Mike who's gonna HAVE TO expressly say it while Will's could go either way. This is cuz of the differences in their circumstances - in/visible gayness.

How do they get together? Well believe it or not, a lot of unnecessary supernatural and sci-fi plot shit is crammed in (bullshit right?) and maybe they're now more okay being around each other cuz their deepest fears have been mostly assuaged. They don't feel alone with their truth and therefore, their place in the world does not rest on the reciprocity of their feelings. Imagine not HAVING to need each other but CHOOSING to. Cuz they just really really really want it. And it would make them happy. How they pursue each other is by not hiding. Nothing too brave I feel. Just being themselves. The vibes will carry. How THE getting together scene goes - I don't know. Surprise me, honestly. But for all the shit treatment their storyline has gotten so far I want s5 to fix it so well that WHEN it happens we all go crazy together! 💙💛

[prettygoododds]

20 Questions for fic writers

Thanks @wellbelesbian for tagging me. Such fun questions! Tags below the cut.

How many works do you have on AO3

68! Wow, I did not realize this.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

134,335

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Carry On Series aka Simon Snow fandom aka Snobaz

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

When the Ink Dries

Can I Change My Mind (this one blows my mind, how it continues to stay at the top)

Namaste Away

Every Lover Has A Little Dagger In Their Hand

We're So Starving

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or Why not?

I try to, but I'm very bad at it. It's something I need to work on.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

We Were Pity Sex, Nothing More and Nothing Less It doesn't even pretend to be kind.

Also, I'm Right Where You Left Me It's short, but cuts right to the bone.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of mine do have a happy ending (when I go sad, I go hard). If I had to choose a few, I suppose:

Where Did the Party Go?

Believe

Namaste Away

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. Had a few recommendations on how to tag a few works, or to make it more user friendly but everyone has always been very kind with those suggestions. The Carry On fandom is a really good fandom.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm slowly dipping my toes in that water. I've posted a few works that have smut, but I'm still very tentative about it. I don't know what kind really. Regular?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do not

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, but I'm not opposed to it.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Snobaz, hands down. It's the one I come back to every time. My comfort ship.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have 2 WIP currently and both of those will be finished. My other WIP not on AO3 are just sitting in my google docs, where no one can see them shivering in the corner, neglected.

16 What are your writing strengths?

Oof. I'd like to think I'm good at dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and setting a scene. I'm working on it though, and that's the important bit I suppose *shrugs shoulders in Simon*

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Not something I've attempted. I won't say I never will, but I will probably not unless I absolutely have to

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Somewhere, in the depths of fanfic.net are my abandoned Twilight fics. And that is where they will stay until the death of the planet.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I have a few and when I'm questioning why I think I should be doing this at all, I read them to remember I started because I wanted to write the stories I wanted to read.

When The Ink Dries - I started this fic waaaaay before I ever posted it and it was the reason I decided to participate in my first Carry On Big Bang. It's my fic first born.

I'm Not A Pitch - This fic popped my AO3 cherry. I posted it before I could second guess myself. It's full of errors, but I wouldn't change anything about it.

Vibe Check - I wrote this in a few hours when I was feeling silly and it is still one of my favorites

Who Wants Ramen? - My friend and I giggled endlessly when I plotted this one out.

You Can Call Me Babe for the Weekend - I spend a lot of time listening to music and plotting out the story that a 3-4 minutes song can tell. 'Tis the Damn Season was an immediate movie in my head and as soon as I could plot it out and put it on paper (so to speak) I did.

And last but not least Sugar, We're Going Down Swingin - This is pure self indulgence. I got into hockey, I wanted the boys to be hockey players...bam, here's a fic with almost no hockey in it, but sometimes they talk about it.

I'm don't know who's already been tagged, so sorry if I double up:

@facewithoutheart @imagineacoolusername @artsyunderstudy @shemakesmeforget @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ionlydrinkhotwater @rimeswithpurple @aristocratic-otter @cutestkilla @blackberrysummerblog @nausikaaa @supercutedinosaurs @nightimedreamersworld @valeffelees @iamamythologicalcreature @shrekgogurt @ileadacharmedlife @martsonmars @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[gleesongtournament]

Round 3 has finally come to a close. As usual I'll be taking a short break to get the next round ready, and will post the schedule a few days before it's set to start

But! Please enjoy the following playlist of all the round 3 winners aka the fan favorite Glee songs! Chosen by voters like you ♥️

Season 1 - 20 songs Season 2 - 34 songs Season 3 - 30 songs Season 4 - 22 songs Season 5 - 15 songs Season 6 - 7 songs

Full track list under the cut!

Don't Stop Believin (Pilot)

Bust Your Windows

Somebody To Love (s1)

It's My Life/Confessions

Halo/Walking On Sunshine

Hate On Me

Keep Holding On (s1)

Lean On Me

And I Am Telling You

Don’t Rain On My Parade (Rachel)

Express Yourself

4 Minutes

Run Joey Run

Jessie's Girl

The Boy Is Mine

Rose's Turn

Dream On

Another One Bites The Dust

Bad Romance

To Sir With Love

Empire State Of Mind

Me Against The Music

Lucky

Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

Sweet Transvestite

Time Warp

Teenage Dream (s2)

Start Me Up/Livin On A Prayer

Stop In The Name Of Love/Free Your Mind

Forget You

Valerie (s2)

Dog Days Are Over

Baby It's Cold Outside

Bills Bills Bills

Thriller/Heads Will Roll

Silly Love Songs

Take Me Or Leave Me

Don't You Want Me

Blame It

Tik Tok

Landslide

Misery

Blackbird

Raise Your Glass (s2)

Loser Like Me (s2)

Ain't No Way

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

Somewhere Only We Know

As If We Never Said Goodbye

Born This Way

Songbird

Go Your Own Way

I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

For Good

It's Not Unusual

You Can't Stop The Beat

I'm The Greatest Star (Kurt)

Something's Coming

It's All Over

Last Friday Night

Candyman

Uptown Girl

A Boy Like That

Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way Or Another

Rumor Has It/Someone Like You

Survivor/I Will Survive

ABC

We Are Young

We Found Love

Smooth Criminal

Never Can Say Goodbye

L O V E

I Will Always Love You

Love Shack

Cough Syrup

What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

Somebody That I Used To Know

Disco Inferno

How Will I Know

So Emotional

It’s Not Right But It’s Okay

Not The Boy Next Door

Shake It Out

Paradise By The Dashboard Light

New York State Of Mind

Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy

Barely Breathing

Don't Speak

Mine

Blow Me One Last Kiss

Hopelessly Devoted To You

Beauty School Drop Out

There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Holding Out For A Hero

Some Nights

Being Alive

Don't Dream It's Over

White Christmas

Don't Stop Me Now

Hung Up

Girl On Fire

Old Time Rock & Roll/Danger Zone

Come What May

I Still Believe/Super Bass

Superstition

For Once In My Life

Got To Get You Into My Life

Hey Jude

Seasons Of Love

I'll Stand By You (s5)

If I Die Young

Marry The Night

If I Were A Boy

I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Brave

Gloria

More Than A Feeling

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

You Make Me Feel So Young

Best Day Of My Life

I Want To Know What Love Is

Tightrope

Home (s6)

It's Too Late

Hand In My Pocket/I Feel The Earth Move

Somebody Loves You

Take Me To Church

I Lived

[avastrasposts]

Hello!

So I just realised about 300+ people decided to follow me and, I suppose, read my stories? And 300 is such a small number but to me it's surreal that so many of you want to read what I write!

So I thought I'd introduce myself a little, just to be polite you know, and be like those author blurbs they put on the inside flap of books. So read on if you want to know more about me and my writing, or just keep scrolling if you'd rather I remain a redheaded mystery with a thing for Frankie Morales.

Also, chapter 16 of The Pilot and his Girl will be posted tomorrow, it just needs another round of editing.

Also, again, this got long, so if you can't be bothered reading all my ramblings below the cut, I totally understand. I have a habit of getting wordy....

So, I'm in my 40's and I've been writing for most of my life, starting with embarrassing little short stories in adorable misspelled fashion when I was just wee. I aspired to be a journalist and then went on a completely different tangent career wise, ending up with a PhD in an area I no longer work in (fifteen years of higher education never to be touched again but you definitely want me on your team in a pub quiz!). I have vague memories of writing fan fiction in my early 20, I think? (I'm old, give me a break). But I only got back to it late last year as a way to kick start my imagination and discipline around writing again. I needed a creative outlet and writing is something I always enjoyed and found easy to do.

I live in England, in the amazing but fucking expensive city of London. I look pretty much like my profile picture, only more wrinkles and maybe a bit of silver in all that gingerness. I'm a very good cook and baker (Pedro, I'll teach you how to cook any day!) and I'm married to my very own sweet Latino man. He's not called Frankie but he does call me cariño. I have big chunk of family in Sweden and I speak a little bit of Swedish (it's actually where I am right now, we're over here celebrating midsummer).

I started writing fanfics for The Boys fandom and Karl Urban as I was binging the whole show after finishing season 4. Then I stumbled into the Pedro Pascal fandom as I watched The Last of Us.

TLoU has a very special place in my heart. I've been gaming since my early teens and bought a Playstation 3 after saving for months, my first console after playing on PC for years. When TLoU came out in 2013 I bought and played it straight away and I, like so many others, had an experience playing it. It's the only story, in any medium, that's made me cry after just 10-15 minutes of game play. The scene were Sarah dies, still gets me every time. And the rest of the game...I turned up at work the next week in a daze, just needing to tell people about this incredible story and experience I'd had. It was like no other game I'd ever played, before or since. And I've replayed the game about once a year since 2013. Back then, that kind of game was totally unique, there was nothing like it. Some games had explored stronger story telling elements, but not on this level, nothing came even close to creating such a bond between gamer and characters. Now days we're spoiled by powerful storytelling in video games, in 2013, The Last of Us was totally unique (sorry, I'm blabbering, but I could go on at length about TLoU and the impact it had).

So when I heard there was talks about turning into a tv-series, I was scared. Really worried. The gaming community have seen so many horrendous adaptations of video games, my beloved Assassin's Creed was butchered in 2016. But then I heard Pedro Pascal had been cast as Joel and I was carefully hopeful, and then Bella Ramsey as Ellie and I got really excited. I'd seen them both in Game of Thrones, both of their performances sticking in my mind. I even remember reading about Pedro being cast in GoT and looking him up and being disappointed because he looked nothing like I'd pictured the Red Viper when I read the books. But then he just swanned in and crushed it, he was so damn good, he won me over straight away. I can't imagine anyone else playing Oberyn.

And then of course, the first few trailers of TLoU dropped and we got glimpses of the show and I remember texting my equally TLoU obsessed friend and we squealed in delight at how good it looked! And the first time I heard the clicker sound....I shuddered, it was a very real physical reaction. If I'd been on the actual set and heard it, I think I would've run a mile.

And then, as I was still writing The British Connection, a fic set in The Boys fandom, I watched Triple Frontier, and, like so many others, fell hard for sweet Frankie Morales. So jumping the gun a bit, I decided to write something with him, just a drabble, to get used to writing him and to write in the Reader insert format. But it kind a grew in scope and when I had the idea of sticking him and the rest of the Triple Frontier boys into TLoU universe I knew I had to create something bigger.

Looking back I would've made the story tighter, less lengthy, had I known from the start that's where it was going to go. But part of the fun of fan fiction is posting as you go, I think. I get feedback from you guys and it makes me think of other elements to add to the story. There isn't always a set road map for how a fic is going to develop.

If you've made it this far, congratulations and thank you, I'm impressed you read all that rambling from some stranger on Tumblr! The Pilot and his Girl has a set plan now, I have chapters drawn up and although I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going to end up with, I know where the story is going. You'll find out what's happened to Pope, Will and Benny. And Joel and Tommy will of course come back to the story later on. There will be more trauma and angst as the story continues but there will be a happy ending, of sorts, in the end.

And again, thank you all for reading, commenting and reblogging! I love you all!

[pretentious-art-love]

Film Reviews #7 - Madoka Magica the Movie Part III: The Story of the Rebellion

Spoilers for both movie and show will follow ahead!

This film, and the TV show itself, have a lot of flaws, like holy crap there are so many flaws that I just feel lazy when I think about listing them all.

Anyway, let's list them all, first and foremost, the pacing is incredibly convoluted, like bloody hell the first time you watch this you will have eyebrow pain from frowning so much and you will be mentally exhausted of all the things you have to keep to track of to puzzle the story together in a overarching arc that feels as long as listing all the digits of Pi, and most digits of Pi serve no purpose whatsoever! The thing is that, this movie would have worked a lot more as a full TV season for the show, things are so heavily compressed and the pacing might start slowly but then goes super fast and then builds up an important scene and then moves to another part of the plot! The TV show does have this same issue as well, since while it builds up nicely around the beginning, some things are cut short and that makes some scenes feel underdeveloped, like the whole arc with Sayaka and the pain of feeling like a lich, or a zombie, we got to see her pain and her reluctantcy to talk to the boy she likes, but we didn't get to see or feel what bad things she felt would happen in a relationship in the state she was in, I have dealt with dysphoria myself, so I understand her predicament to an extent, but I know a lot of people will think she is just dumb, the friendship of Homura and Madoka could have been expanded more to make us feel the importance of Madoka in Homura's life, and at the end she just comes as a very obsessed lesbian, I can go on and on, but again, I am getting a little lazy, the first season could have even been 24 episodes long, this movie, 12 episodes long, but with its movie running time it has at the very most 8 episodes worth of runtime, and that hurts the storytelling a lot.

Because of that, there are scenes with a lot, and I mean a lot of exposition, with Kyubey being the equivalent of the exposition pug from the Men in Black series here, while in the show he still had a bigger role in the story despite also delivering a lot of exposition. That makes the whole story feel clunky, convoluted, and nonsensical, we don't get shown what it is happening, we get told about it more than what it is healthy for a story. There are some characters, like Bebe, that are introduced in a very quick way and then work as a normal part of the rooster without us getting to know her backstory, I only know it myself because a friend told me about it from something she read about a gacha game that expanded her arc. All this, all these issues, and more, that it's hard to call it a good movie, let alone a good show because of that, and the thing with animation and art like this is that knowing how to use your screen-time properly is really really difficult, and no matter the path you pick (either some scenes of quick exposition or basically not explaining it at all just to leave it to additional material) will end up leaving at least some people unhappy.

So, what about the goods? Is there anything good in this movie at all? Yes, there is, starting with the eye candy that is Shaft's visual direction, with that heavy French New Wave influence and featured not just here but also in the Madoka show and the Monogatari series, for the whole 100 episodes of it, its an absolute joy, the surreal atmosphere with complex backgrounds, overbearing lighting, characters that talk in such a idiosyncratic way that feels unique to them, and the cutout animation that mixes with the more traditional characters to create this scary but beautiful aura with the unnatural creatures and happening of this world, for eye candy like this alone I would rate this movie 4 stars, and out of all the discourse people seem to bring from this movie, it is at least the general consensus that the visuals of it are great!

But! That's not the thing, haha, you see, because the reason I like this movie so much… the reason I like this movie so much it's because of its writing! Yes, that is right! Yes, I know, you might be saying the obvious, how I, with all the issues I see about this movie and the TV show, saying that the best thing about Rebellion being the writing is bogus, so now, just stay still, and listen. You see, the Madoka TV show was fine… it was fine, it was a fun show, you know, a normal deconstruction of the super hero genre, even if you aren't into magical girls, as long as you know what a super hero is, and are familiar with the trope of the normal person protagonist thingy being chosen to save the world, you will enjoy the show, the TV show has some twists and turns that make you wonder who the real villain is or what it is going to happen next, but there are things that you can easily predict from the first episode alone, and as the story goes along, these predictions get confirmed to you, and the end of the show does not really come as a surprise when you reach it, you say, ahh, yeah, that makes sense, that was nice.

Madoka the TV show takes the whole idea of the Magical Girl/Super Hero and shows us a story where the only way to save the world is sacrificing yourself, even at the cost of your humanity, and plays with the idea that maybe the best option for you is to not become a super hero, a magical girl, because the cost for that power and that responsibility can be too great to bare. The show ends in a bittersweet note, and plays with the idea of Godhood and the ideal time loop after a sacrifice has been made, that idea is very fun on its own, there are interesting rules within the show that allow Madoka to propose a cohesive idea of God without becoming a power trip story, like the idea that God is in every place and every time in the universe, but can't directly interact with us because its fighting to keep the balance of the world as we know it, making it no more than a mere observer that cannot alter our life on its own will despite being omnipresent.

The idea is good, and I like it a lot, even when there are shows that have used this idea to make things a lot more interesting things with them, like it is the case of Serial Experiments Lain where its ending is not only an exploration of godhood but it also plants questions about our identity on itself, and about who we are now in the digital era, which makes more the message a lot more personal to the audience. So, the show itself is fine, yeah, the ending had been done already before and after, the plot is a bit convoluted and characters arcs cut short, but overall its a fun ride with its own self contained ending, not life changing or anything but really good for the fans of this kind of media.

Anyway, the show become super popular and a movie sequel was approved, so what are we gonna do now? The show had already used the concept of alternative timelines for its main plot, so if you are going to make a sequel or alternative version, using them to spicy things up or continue along with the characters its a no go, its a really big task to continue things from the point the TV show ended, and the struggle does show, some people call the movie unnecessary, and I can see why would they think that. The movie does have also some well known tropes like the ideal/dystopian timeline that starts the new arc of the franchise that has been shown in anime like… well, I don't think I can say it without making it a spoiler, but if you want to know, ask me, it's a fun trope to write, and a confusing one to watch. In that part, it is nothing new, and the pacing is a lot more convoluted than the TV show, not just reducing character arcs and growth to mere one liners but also making the whole succession of events a mind boggling mess to watch the first time.

But around the end, around the end, it happens, it just happens. Homura's arc in the show was good enough, she acts as the quiet, traumatized hero, the martyr that is under the scenes and tries to save people despite looking as a cold hearted foe in the outside, she was someone with extreme methods that could involve even killing Sayaka or letting Mami die as long it meant to save Madoka, there are great moments she has like in the episode 10 where she and Madoka are about to become witches, and Homura says that as long they are together, she doesn't care if she destroys the entire world with her, and that she would destroy and unleash her despair on the whole earth as long she gets to be with Madoka, which I found quite passionate, the way she remembers her after everything has passed, and how get to see her more and more as the protagonist in the show as it goes on.

The thing that… her character as it is its fine, it is just fine, like… she is a good character, but maybe not the most memorable character ever? I mean considering that the trope of the martyr hero that is silently suffering but is helping the hero from the shadows its a very well known trope, it doesn't come as a twist, it is something that you can even see from episode 1, and a lot of people did, myself included, when the flashback scenes come, you say, yeah yeah, I see it now, but there is not really a twist, not the twist the show wanted you to experience, it was heavily implied and when you see it come, you watch it mostly because you want to know the how, not the why, of her character. So yes, the character its fine, it is a good character, but it doesn't change things too much, it just serves as a another spring in the perfectly tied together clockwork that is the show, it has a nice conclusion, all answers are given to you, when you look at it, it does feel as what you would expect, it is a fine good clock, aside the pacing, you could say the TV show its a good clock, maybe too good in fact, too tidy and perfect for its own good, it is a story that ends as how it should have, with protagonists that end with the character growth that they should have… Madoka does the sacrifice of losing her humanity to save all magical girls, and Homura is finally able to express her pain directly to the person that she loves, and is finally able to break the time loop she is in, living now in an universe where magical girls don't become witches, and continues as a silent hero that fights from the shadows, with her sad backstory, and her resolve to go on, it's all really nice, a really tidy and clean ending for a show…

But, if you allow me to be a bit pedantic… I think that's boring, super and incredibly ultra mega boring, it is boring, boring boring, super boring, expected, already shown, already made, predictable! It is boring! BO-RI-NG! It is too by the numbers! And yes, sure, Madoka started as a deconstruction of the Magical Girl genre, and it might have been seen as something that subverted the source material it was inspired from, but that is only if you came to it blind, all blind, expecting something cute and fun, so in other terms, it relied in nothing more than a marketing gimmick, and when your movie relies in a marketing gimmick, once that gimmick is gone, half of its appeal its over, just like with The Blair Witch Project, sure it was supposed to be a real found tape, but of course you can't keep your actors locked in a basement, so the immersion is absolutely broken out of the gate with that. I did my best, and I watched Madoka as blind as possible, not knowing anything about the plot, anything, I didn't google it, checked it or did anything or research about it, but even then, when people mention Madoka on the internet, they say, oh Madoka… haha, Madoka is not what it pretends to be! Mwhahaha! If Madoka comes up as a random conversation topic in your discord server, that is the bare minimum you are going to hear. I can say that in this day and age, it is incredibly obvious from the get go that you come to Madoka looking forward to it pull a fast one on you, and with me having watched stuff like Magical Girl Site around 2017 or so and being used to a whole fanfare of violent magical girl shows, I arrived to Madoka and I kept asking myself, where is all the blood? Where is the angst? The edgyness? Sure, a character just died in episode 3, the cutouts are artsy and fancy, but to be honest with you, I'm not feeling subverted right now! I am waiting to see the most shocking and grotesque thing to exist! Where is it?! And then, I have to adjust my expectations, the plot it is very interesting with the material it works on, people say Kyubey did nothing wrong, and that is a discussion you can argue with very solid points, but if you are familiar with the the time loop genre or time travel stories, you will see that Homura is a good girl from episode 1, from episode 1.

I kept eating my nails waiting for Madoka to become a magical girl in every episode, just to start to realize around episode 5 and 6 that it most likely wouldn't happen in the whole anime, and if it did, it would probably be only at the very end, because the story is about avoiding letting Madoka become a magical girl. When you realize what kind of story it is, you can see the whole picture of it before it ends, it is just so tidy and clean to the point it is almost antiseptic and symmetrical, just uncannily geometrical, it just feels artificial, and fiction is that, artificial, but the magic trick is about to make it feel like its not. Sure, you are going through a very elaborate and carefully made build up, but even when I am in that slowly but surely ascending roller-coaster, I could be ripping my eyes out because I just want the roller-coaster to start to descend! I am seeing the whole landscape from up here already! Just shake me right now! Scare me away! Even when the show ends with a character turning into godhood and rewriting the entire world and history as they knew it you can't do anything else than say… yeah, that was a good ending, all arcs were written… all characters were there… and the conflict was resolved as it should have, it was all done, in a tidy neat little bow, overall, it is one of the TV shows of all time.

Listen, I know that there is only 7 basic plots for all fiction, I get it, and it is not easy to making something properly satisfying when you have to handle several characters, fantasy worlds with rules on their own, the feelings you want to convey and handle the life of all people that live temporarily in your head, but I just want to dream! Is that so wrong? Is it wrong of me to wish for a character that makes me feel absolute and complete rage even when do not actually exist? To want to feel inspired by a conclusion a character reaches that is actually taboo for the place they and I live in and that makes the audience raise an eyebrow because it defies the status quo? To have a Chekhov's gun unfired the whole play? I just want to feel that the world I am watching to feel real! To have the gun there just because it happened to be that there was a gun there! Not because it was left by the karmic threads of destiny for the heroes to pick! That is what I want, it will make people angry, it will make people confused, but that doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, that's what I really want, I want to feel things! Not to account for all the mathematical equations the screenwriter is trying to balance on a narrative!

So, in this movie, we see something further beyond than that perfect, tidy ending of the show, we see that Homura, despite Madoka's promise of being always everywhere and every time, is still afflicted by her inability to interact with her, to see her or talk to her, to see that Madoka cannot see interact with her friends, her family, and that for most purposes, she is as good as dead to the world. Because all of this, she ends up, due to Kyubey's meddling and others, creating a fake reality where she and her friends are all fighting as a group of friends, always together, and living a happy life following their own duty as magical girls, the life they always dreamed. After a lot of suspicion and her good detective skills, she realizes that the city they live in is no more than a mirage, and that the friends she has been fighting with have been trapped due to her own grief. Even Madoka, who used to be an omnipresent being, had turned into her previous, human form, and it is interacting with the world just like she used to. After all this, Homura, yet one more time, decides to follow her path of a martyr, and tries to sacrifice herself now that she has gotten her wish to talk to Madoka yet one more time, she doesn't want to keep her friends in a glass prison where everything is fake, where they fight threats that do not really exist, where Madoka is not doing her duty saving other magical girls, and she cries because she knows that even after the sacrifice Madoka made, she is still unable to move on, and it is heartbreaking.

Just before she finally jails herself in an eternal prison where not even Madoka to save her, ready to experience eternal pain, her friends come to save her, Mami and Kyoko, who after realizing they have been trapped they decide to help, and even Bebe and Sayaka, who had died in a way or another in the past, are in a way, alive, helping Madoka, and are working together to save her. It is all a nice display of the power of friendship, and a nice ending, so nice, so wholesome and cute that almost makes me puke, hehe, even Sayaka says that they are kinda like Madoka's secretaries and are moving through the cosmic plane in a carriage, isn't that nice? Since they are all working together, why not start giving presents to the kids every 24th of December as well? Why not make it a tradition? Call it, I don't know… Christmas or something! Even when had experienced those characters death's, it's fine! They will just go back to the main dusty cloud of the whole universe hivemind, where they will continue to do good deeds like the super heroes we are in our own life! Haha! Haha! How nice! Isn't it?

Don't make me laugh.

Anime has touched a lot of times the idea of instrumentality, right? The idea of being part of a whole, huge massive being, Evangelion, Kaiba, Code Geass, and Ghost in the Shell have mentioned the idea either as a main plot device or mentioning it as something they want to avoid, right? Because the unknown is scary, that's the basis of cosmic horror, the basis of losing our own individuality, our self, and become something that might not even be truly alive to our own eyes. So when Madoka takes Homura's hand and promises to take her with her, to that afterlife, so they can be together forever, I can feel the fear, I can feel the wish, the need to avoid that to happen, because even if there is a promise for her to be together forever, Homura has already experienced the pain of being unable to interact with Madoka in the human world, the pain of knowing Madoka wouldn't be able to interact with other people, her friends, what does even mean to be a god if you can't put your own will of your own in the entire universe? If you can't experience what it is to have your own senses? To be a fragile and mortal being? After Homura remembers all the pain she went through to keep Madoka alive in every loop, and the pain she experienced even when she somehow achieved with Madoka entering into a new plane of existence, she decides that that's not what she was to have, and an awesome thing happens.

She takes Madoka and breaks her apart, stealing her power, and yet once again, jailing her in a reality she has herself made, just as she said herself, a new demon is born. The story, in a way, ends the same as it just started, but with the big difference that Homura has turned from protagonist, to antagonist, from secretive hero to anti hero, and the people who trusted in her, the audience as well, felt heartbroken, felt disappointment, and condemned the movie because of it. But the thing is that, even when the pacing is convoluted and filled with a lot of exposition and shortcuts, the story on itself it is not! It is not, I can feel the character's pain and their whole psychological progression, I can deeply relate to them in a way that feels so real that I can almost touch it, the trying to help behind the shadows, the failing and succumbing to despair, the accepting the bittersweet solution and gray reality of things, and the pain that comes from realizing that you can't really accept that bittersweet reality and you just break over again! Like, to put a very personal and specific example, I am trans, right? Trust me, this is relevant. So, I start realizing I want to be a girl, and I say, yeah, this is a phase, this is not right, and then I try to push it inside, and I try to be more manly, and I try to become more outgoing and talk with girls the way it is expected from me, and I fail, and I fail, and I am awkward, or I do things I don't understand and that do not work because I just don't like acting as a man, but I keep trying, and I end up having a lot of faux passes and sour memories of all my high school life because of it, and then I just start to understand that I am no more than awkward boy and that I am fated to be an awkward weird boy all my life and that's just how things are, that girls can do certain things, and I can do certain things as well but not what girls can't, and that dream girl that always inhabits my mind its just someone nobody else can really see, just like Homura accepting that Madoka wouldn't never turn into a tangible person in her own world.

But, I can't accept it! It is unbearable, it is really really unbearable, and not really a fair compromise at all, even if I am not trying to date anybody, even when I am trying to be on my own, be with myself, I just can't accept being a man, because it makes me miserable, seeing myself in the mirror, it makes me sick, my voice, I hate it, the relationships I have with other people, they are noting more than a mask, nothing more than a facade in a shell I am carrying and in a body I can't even use to express myself well! So what do I do? I do what I should not do, I do something that could be considered a crime, against what our religion told my family! What everyone thinks is right, what even my own biology gave me and what should be the right path to take, instead of forgetting about all those desires that I should not have, I take the bite, and I start a physical transition, even if it means losing the friends I had, even if it means probably losing my parents! Even if it means becoming a stranger to the people that knew me and making cry to the people that took care and grew up with me all my life! Because that is my desire, because that is what makes me happy! Oh and because screw you, that's why. Wouldn't destroying the God that reigned over your life and do whatever you want completely outside of the plan he had with you the most liberating thing you could ever do? Wouldn't that be the ultimate expression of your own free will? See? This is what is so good about Homura's character this arc, not because being becoming trans is akin to becoming a villain or any nonsense like that, but because to have what you truly want, you sometimes you will have to take decisions that will make others unhappy, because sometimes you just can't play the good girl all the time!

After this, Homura turns from the tidy and fated secret martyr hero of her perfect and tidy story and turns into something a lot more real, she turns into someone you can't really agree with because turns to be heavily flawed in her morals, but that you still deeply relate with, and that emotion she felt around the end of the movie, I felt it deeply and intensely, and you feel it too, because we have seen not only her breaking point, but also the whole arc and descent into madness. Despite all sorts of bad villains we have had in super hero fiction lately, villains that end up evil because of an accident or just because the protagonist didn't pay attention to them for long enough (looking at you Iron Man 3), Rebellion, despite being a super hero film, it takes its time to make its own protagonist, a real and true villain. In anime we have had villains with enough sympathetic qualities, like with 千と千尋の神隠し [Spirited Away] where we can see the need for control and order that help us see her in a more humane light, but they still have a certain, really clear defect like greed that give enough reasons for the audience to not side with her, in films like A Clockwork Orange we have seen villains so vile and disgusting that you would never want to side with them, but have some compassion for after they lose a bit of their humanity, and in recent films like Joker, we have had villains where you feel so close to them that you can't help but say, it is me! I am a villain, if I was in that person's shoes, I would turn into a villain all along, I would be the one to hurt you, because this is what my pain has turned me into! Because I simply can't hold it together any longer! It is me! Me! Me! Its that kind of villains that makes you really tremble, that make you really scared, villains like Joaquin's Joker, like Homura, because you are scared not of anything fantastical, or a fictional concept, someone with a powerful gun or over aching politics that are outside of your own reach, you are afraid of your own self, and the horror that creeps within…

I have seen people even argue that Homura did nothing wrong, but even when you agree, like me, that she did something truly wrong, just because she was in love, you just can't help but feel for sympathetic for her, not even because we have been love, or we also have had a crush, but because we all have experienced grief in a way or another, and we are afraid of the unknown. There is something that I really like about cosmic horror and the fear of the unknown and I think turning humans themselves the mere sources of that fear of the unknown that you can use to evolve the genre in something new. With the ending, the whole movie and the franchise altogether breaks into that neat tidiness and clockwork precision of character arcs and destroys a character that people liked making it into something really different, but you want to know why this is great? Because it all felt real, because unlike all the rest of the shows answers and questions, that moment alone felt like a break into the perfectly synced chain of events that lead Homura's life. This is why, even with all the qualms I have with the movie, with the show itself, with the things I don't like and the things I can laugh at, this is why, this movie deserves my absolute and guaranteed five stars, making it the top of 10 movies I have ever seen, because what I felt with it, I felt it so vividly and so intensely that for a moment I felt I could see a real person in its plot, rather than a mere sets of puppets pulled by a writer's strings.

I remember a comment about Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens [Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror] where a person said that in their class the people who watched it kept laughing the whole way through the movie, making fun of the techniques, the plot and the tropes of the time, even after when the movie finished and they all left, but there was one moment, one single moment around the end where Nosferatu dies and turns to ashes, everyone stayed silent, surprised, and for that moment alone, they felt the surprise and shock of the character's death, without saying anything, only feeling what was really happening, and they commenter said, that is cinema, and that's right, that is cinema! Even when I did not understand Броненосец «Потёмкин» [Battleship Potemkin] the scene of the stair kept me fascinated and horrified the time I watched it, and with this movie, I got shaken to my very core at the end, do you understand what I am trying to say? Sometimes we will interact and understand movies and fictional media as much as we do real people, partially, only in bits, but if we do, that moment we connect with each other will become something truly special.

Even when there are unanswered questions at the end, even when there are characters that could have gotten more screen time, even where the pacing could have been a lot slowed down, even when things could have been shown instead of told, even when the character design is too chibi-like for me to call it actually interesting, even when its just a goofy magical girls movie with all those idiosyncrasies that this Japanese sub genre of super hero fiction for kids has that seem silly to me, even with all that, I think this movie is truly great, not just because of its artistic direction and animation eye candy, but also because its with its conclusion that the movie achieved something that felt real and unique. Stories about exploring godhood are incredibly fun because they are stories where you can get really creative with the stakes of the plot and it's conflict. In the movie, that whole concept in the movie morphs in an amazing idea, filled with lots of possibilities, from the silly little comedies like Bruce Almighty where Godhood comes as something that might not work for you because the balance in the world is too big for you to keep in control on, or action films like The Matrix Revolutions where your mere existence as a God is part of the chain of events that keeps the world fated to die, will you keep your power at the cost of everything else? Or would you sacrifice yourself? On games we also have theories like the ones of the Elder Scrolls franchise where it is implied that the universe is simply a dream of The Godhead, so keeping him asleep becomes part of the thin thread that keeps your existence, and the laws of your world can become more flexible since everything your characters know is purely oneiric on essence, and that is just an incredible help for your world-building when you are a writer!

This movie plants the idea of a demon trying to keep God asleep because they are in love with them and for real though, that is probably one of the funniest ideas to come out from fiction in 2013, there are other anime like the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya that play with the concept of Godhood and the task of having to keep a God asleep but this whole series turns that concept with an antagonistic lenses, which makes it a lot more fun, since the biggest catastrophe is not something you want to avoid, but something that you live in every day, in the story. I know, I am afraid and excited for the upcoming sequel, because just as I can feel a great connection with an artist, or a person, that something can always change after we all move to the next stage of our lives, just as a franchise moves to a (probably final) sequel, and a new arc, still though, I know that was done here will always mean something to me, it is not a simple retcon, it is not unnecessary, it felt warranted, it felt genuine, and it made me feel truly intense things.

And that is, my whole review.

10/10

[takaraphoenix]

9 Favorite TV Shows (that I don’t always talk about)

I got tagged by @blairwaldcrf​ - and am gonna take a page from their book, because this list is just always the same. So. Cutting out all the shows I always talk about anyway.

(The 9 that are on the obvious main list: Buffy, Relic Hunter, Leverage, Once Upon a Time, Shadowhunters, Sailor Moon, One Piece, Teen Wolf, Charmed)

These are in no particular order because it’d break my brain to actually rank them!

1. Community

One of my favorite comedies! It is so silly, but it is also very consistent - it does drop a little in the later seasons, but I love the originality of the show in the overall.

2. The Nanny

My all-time favorite comedy show. I used to rewatch all the re-runs. One of the down-sides of streaming is that you no longer just... end up watching reruns (also so much content, no real time for casual rewatches, I should make the time for another rewatch). Will they/won’t they rom-coms all around the world want what Max and Fran had. Jealous bitches want to be CC but never will be. No butler has ever sassed like Niles.

3. Hustle

I love this show a lot! It is severely underrated! It’s if Leverage was a band of British bastards who steal for themselves and break the fourth wall. I love them a lot. I think everyone who loves Leverage should go and watch Hustle too, honestly. It’s about the found family and the con.

4. Grey’s Anatomy

Listen, this show isn’t perfect, it has flaws, but anything that has run for 19 years has to have flaws. But I love it so much - and the friendship between Cristina and Meredith is quite frankly absolutely amazing. The way they prioritize each other, and the way their partners accept that? And so many more things I love about this show.

5. Stargate SG-1

Genuinely my favorite scifi show. It is so well-written with such compelling characters and arcs and just genuinely so funny, it has no right to still hold up so well and be that funny - and I’m saying that as someone who didn’t grow up on it and only discovered it a couple years ago.

6. Recess

My comfort cartoon from my childhood. I loved this as a kid so very, very much and it still brings me a lot of joy and warm childhood memories to rewatch.

7. Kekkai Sensen

I can’t explain this one. I hate blood/violence in anime, I usually skip these parts. I don’t know. But I have so much love for this anime. I regularly find myself rewatching it because I love it so much (though also, admittedly, due to its short length. Can’t casually pop in a full rewatch of One Piece).

8. Kuroko no Basuke

Favorite of the sports anime! An absolute classic. The color-coded basketball monster boys! It also masters length quite well, to be honest? Many either stretch out the length of games far too long (side-eyeing later seasons of Haikyuu), or more recent anime that just... cut everything so very short and speedrun through it all a little too much? I think KnB has the right balance to stretch it out but keep you in suspense.

9. Shadow & Bone

And you know what! Another ongoing show, beside Grey’s. I really do love SaB a lot, what can I say. I’m weak for flawed fantasy shows with great characters.

--

Tagging @kimmycup��� @justonemorechapternicercy​ @kunfyouzed​ and anyone else who wants to do it, feel tagged by me <3

[saddest-coal-boy-in-westeros]

Who are your top 5 favorite characters in the game? 👀

ooooh thank you for the ask anon!!! as always feel free to send more 👀

1. tom

i’m very predictable i know. but i think he’s fascinating in that he doesn’t have a real parallel like other characters. except maybe sera? i dunno. he’s the ultimate underdog, a lowborn, soot-faced boy among lords and ladies—there’s a sense of mystery about him. he’s a little shady, but he’s got a noble soul. i find him very endearing and intriguing and full of potential. also i love his character design. from the moment mira opens the door to let him in he instantly looks put upon and miserable, like a dickensian orphan, and i think that’s just so funny and horrible. he just looks like the most miserable guy on earth. his expression is so sad. i instantly felt for him (i’m a soft touch lol), and my enjoyment of him only grew from there. actually wait i guess maybe you could say he’s a weird mixture of mycah and ser dontos

2. mira

of course she comes next! my absolute favorite character in asoiaf is sansa, so of course i’d be predisposed to liking her telltale doppelgänger. but mira being significantly older really does make her feel like not such a shameless copy, especially given her job as margaery’s handmaiden. she’s a girl who fiercely loves her family and will do anything to help them, but she’s got more resources and allies than poor sansa did for most of her imprisonment. obviously it’s determinant if she’s played as more cunning/ruthless or more well-meaning, but i always liked her more as a gentle soul. she’s got a lot of potential to grow into a wise advocate for her house that’s unfortunately cut short by episode six, but i would love to see her undergo that development without losing her integrity or compassion.

3. sera

might seem like a weird choice i know! but i think she’s a great secondary character in mira’s plot. she’s a fair weather friend who nonetheless has good reason to prioritize her own social standing due to long-held anxiety about her bastardy. i think she also has really interesting potential as either a friend or foe of mira. in a way, i have sympathy for her because between her, margaery, and mira, sera seems the one who’s fully acting her age. she’s a girl in her late teens and is carefree and naïve and a little superficial, maybe, but that’s to be expected. she’s had a privileged life compared to most bastards and hasn’t been forced to weather the tragedy mira has. they make an interesting contrast.

4. beskha

i really enjoy beskha, i just think she’s a great supporting character in the essos plot. it almost seems like the story revolves around her and her journey moreso than asher just because she arguably has a complete arc. her backstory is heartbreaking and i really enjoyed her friendship with asher. i would have liked to see how she would deal with taking care of ryon in season two. alas…. 😔

5. talia

talia is probably the character that i think really would have blossomed in season two, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t still an interesting presence in season one. i love how sweet she is, though of course she gets more jaded as the story goes on. i also think her song is awesome. i wonder if she would’ve sung more in season two?

[oonajaeadira]

For the Love of Fic: January 2

Do I still have holiday reading to catch up on? Yes. Did I try real hard to get more done? Yes. Will I be reading holiday fic all this week? Yes.

In the meantime, I did love a lot of fic this week!

FRANKIE MORALES

Unnamed by @juletheghoul A short, beautiful, angsty but sweet fic wherein the reader is a siren and refuses to let Frankie hear her voice for heartbreaking reasons.

Let it Squall by @grogusmum So sweet and seasonal. I love a soft Frankie and of course he’s gonna cutely fall for the single girl out to cut down her own tree.  And of course he’ll be the gentleman who helps her get it home. I’m making little squee noises. I love it so much...

.

DIETER BRAVO

Dieter Bravo and the No Good, Very Bad, Awful Christmas Movie by @blueeyesatnight I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS IS SO GREAT. It’s Dieter, and Blue is amazing at writing him like a complete fkn trainwreck. She made him childish and irratable and grumpy and then paired him with a sunshine assistant. She made me laugh my whole ass off OUT LOUD and then slammed me with FEELINGS. I was amused AND moved and she snuck up on me and did me a Hallmark Christmas and she did this with DIETER. Dammit, I love this so much.

Hospital Pass by @deadhumourist Is this an annoyance-to-lovers fic? Yes. Sex in a semi-public place? Yes. Naughty and fun? You bet. What I didn’t expect was to be moved to tears with laughter because HE’S SUCH A SHIT and says some ridiculous stuff that reader just dryly shuts down. There were a few times I had to stop reading just to control the giggles before moving on. Ani got this little shithead down and it’s wonderful.

.

DIN DJARIN

Competing For Christmas 6: Let It Snow (The Aftermath) by @something-tofightfor

I feel like I get on here every week and just flail over this fic and this week is no different. Now that we know Din’s big secret I was hoping some relief might come, but no, Rachael is good at making it hurt and setting up impossible-to-be-together situations but also dropping one little beacon of hope and wrapping it up in shining paper (literally) to keep the lovelight burning. It’s so romantic and I ache and I love it.

.

JACK DANIELS 

It’s A Marshmallow World 2 by @writeforfandoms And in the second half of Marshmallow World, Jack is charming and sweet and has the best gift in the world for the reader and I just wanna wear greenery crowns and snuggle on a blanket with hot cocoa in a beautiful, wintry wonderland. Gimme.

.

OBERYN MARTELL

Meant to Be - Part 4: The Development by @radiowallet Oberyn is a stubborn beast. He’s caught up on how love does or doesn’t work and it’s making life hard for everyone...but I appreciate that he’s trying to understand now. That he wants to learn. The push and pull of these two soulmates against each other is frustrating and lovely, compressing the spring and winding the rubber band.... I cannot wait for physics to take hold...

.

JOEL MILLER

Make Good Ones by @the-blind-assassin-12 What could be better than being wrapped up in Joel’s arms and telling him a Christmas story from the beforetimes? Sharing your memories with him and the reasons why Christmas is so special to you....only for him to turn around and keep making it so. This is so warm and full of feels. I love it so much.

.

MARCUS MORENO

Secret Santa fic for @noisynaia by @just-here-for-the-moment I don’t know much about Marcus, but I know he’s pretty sweet and kind. In this fic, he’s also a little ridden by food poisoning. But he still lives up to being sweet and kind and I can get behind the reader’s crush all the way.

.

PERO TOVAR

Use Your Words by @lowlights Pero and his little bruja wife are just the sweetest. He’s still rough and grumpy, but now that he has a lady who’s sweet to him, his own sweetness blooms. But when she teases, she gives him ideas he goes adorably meek for. Bless him, the boy tries out a little kink but can’t take it for too long! I love it. I love that he’s got the shadows of brute in him but he’s made soft for one special witch...

.

JAVI GUTIERREZ

Holiday Getaway by @chaoticgeminate Javi G and Solicita from Kell’s kinktober series are back on vacation and up to their kink tricks again. Even though it’s Solicita that goes snooping, it’s she who has a very special present for Javi. I love revisiting these two and finding out what they’re up to. I’m so happy to see that the wedding plans are going well, and even if there’s something of a traditional upset in the timing, I love that Javi doesn’t care a bit. He just loves her so much.

[juantheashura]

Update Info

Soooo, as I said in the previous post, the Chapter 5 update will be coming out in around two weeks. It's a shorter chapter than 4, only around 35k words or so, but when you combine it with the reworked prologue and some of the rewrites in Chapter 4 (nothing too serious), it should still be a fun time.

It's going to be full of fighting scenes and discussions and accusations and yelling and “holy shit you let Gloria's health get HOW low? The press isn’t gonna like that!” that I hope you will all enjoy (Just between us, but I'm starting to think Gloria might be a little sketchy...). In the meantime, I've already posted these on the forums, but I've got a bunch of out of game content that I hope you'll enjoy. In order, there is:

A bunch of snippets of content from Chapter 5, mainly dialogue and such.

One of my posts about the 'Seer's Musings', which are short snippets I write from the perspective of a character that you'll meet in Chapter 9 who knows everything that's going on.

Three articles. The first one is written from the perspective of the Cretan President during WW2, who met Seeker, the Broken King, and learned the truth (on his own!) about the history of the world. The second is from the perspective of Crete's first Treasurer, the man closest to the Blitz Queen and the Broken King. And the last one is from the Broken King himself, from the records he writes down to show the Queen, once she awakens.

Anyway, check below the cut if you'd like to read that! Oh, and before I forget, I'm planning to have Forlorn's portrait/commission alongside the Chapter 5 update. I'm not sure yet, since it's finals season and all, and Twitter is going through a... situation, to say the least, but even if not, the loneliest being in the whole world will not be too far behind.

'Hello, demons. It's me, ya boy!'

Seer's Bit:

“It would be impolite, I think, to lay the blame upon the dead. And yet I believe that it must be done regardless. It’d only hurt you, in the future, if I were to downplay the truth.”

“What do you mean?”

“The world, as it exists today, is arguably due to a single existence. America, the whole of Europe, Africa itself, perhaps even Oceania, as distant as it is, would not even remotely resemble what they are now. It… I suppose it is ridiculous. For the world to seemingly only exist due to the whims of a poor, adopted child that lived in the Mediterranean more than a thousand years ago.”

“… You talk of the Queen?”

“Yes, I do. Of the woman that saved a whole island from extinction, that carved a kingdom of her own while tumbing her nose at an empire, and who has had that same kingdom outlive any and all that surrounded it, while becoming a bastion that even the might of half a dozen empires has yet to crack.”

“An exemplary leader, if everything we’ve learned is to be believed.”

“Ha, perhaps. But exemplary does not equal perfect. The Queen had her flaws, and nowhere else is it as keenly seen as with her chosen companion.”

“The King? But I thought they loved each other. It’s the whole reason he’s seeking her revival, isn’t it? How is he a flaw?”

“Hmm… I suppose calling it a flaw is too much. But it’s a lack of foresight, or a mark of overconfidence, at least.”

“I don’t follow.”

“The King is a beast. When the Queen first found him, he was an even wilder one. He didn’t know of morals, of laws, not even of how to eat anything except what he hunted and burned. He didn’t even have a name, so unaware of society that he only knew of the merchants he stole from, and the troops sent to put him down, all broken at the feet of a beast raised by the laws of the uncaring African deserts. It was the Queen that changed him from that to a monarch revered even a thousand years after his disappearance.”

“How?”

“By beating him bloody. Not that he took it quietly, of course. They both bear the marks of that fight. A sign, maybe, that they were each other’s from the day they met. Regardless, the Queen won in the end. For some reason, one not even I know, she didn’t put him to the sword. Instead, she had him join her, and together they saw the world. She taught him history, geography, arithmetics, what was right and wrong, and even the languages she so adored. It was by her side, and through her efforts, that the King became who he is.”

“Those all sounds like good things, though? I don’t see the problem.”

“The problem is that the Queen was a child. A more educated one than the King, perhaps, but she was as much of a child as him. A child, educating a child. Do you see the problem now? The Queen did not reform her King. She taught him her biases, her desires, and that the only wrongs that existed were the ones she disapproved, not the ones the rest of the world considered. The King’s morality is not one of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. It is one of ‘what the Queen likes’ and ‘what the Queen dislikes.’ The sole reason Constantinople was not turned into a crater, and Crete the capital of an Empire spanning from Lisbon to Vladivostok is that she never asked for it. The Queen did not vanquish the beast. She only tamed it, buried it beneath chains she forged. And now…”

“And now?”

“And now the Queen is dead. She has been dead for a thousand years. And though the King’s devotion is no less strong, the chains that bind the beast within have not survived intact. And unless you see the whole East Coast turned into a wasteland as a good thing, that is a problem.”

“You’re saying the King will revert to what he was like before?”

“I am saying the King is a beast. For a thousand years, that beast has been content to starve, content to see the world beat on it even though it only tries to regain its mate. The chains on its neck have made sure of that. But now? Now, centuries have passed since those chains were put down. Now, the ones who think themselves masters of the world prepare to march on the Queen’s dream. Now, an enemy he cannot see or understand makes the world think of him as an enemy. Now, that beast sees itself cornered, with its ward threatened, and only foes around it.”

“And threaten a beast enough…”

“And it won’t care where its teeth sink, only that it can rip off the limb.”

— The Musings of a Seer, a Warning on What’s to Come.

The three articles:

Hope this at least tides you over! Or at least, that it manages to entertain you a little bit. Don't worry, we'll get back to the badass heroics real soon!

[nobodysdaydreams]

Mysterious Benedict Society Liveblog Season 2 Episode 7 "A Joyful Lens"

Well you all know the drill. I wanted SQ, Garrison, and Martina, but the boy hasn't shown up and the others were short-lived. Nevertheless, I am still hopeful. At least we might get to see Curtain interact with his brainwashed family (brother and niece). Oh and we have that episode description about someone escaping with the team. I hope it's SQ but I wouldn't mind kidnapped Curtain for reasons of comedy.

1:16- Curtain knows about the tea. He has to know. Oh no Auguste. What did you do to that boy Curtain? "I enjoyed our tea consumed or not" oh he knows. Also "Big day today". Nothing good comes after he says that.

2:40- oh no Nicholas looked scared for a second when number 2 changed. You can tell a part of him is able to fight it. I wonder if Nathaniel would be able to fight the happiness if he was under it (since they are twins).

3:44- Yeah Reynie did you believe Kate was staying put? It's Kate.

4:21- OH MY GOSH JEFFERS THE STRAIGHT JACKETS. This man has had his moment and he's not letting them go. Constance looks so calm in hers, which is hilarious because Sticky must be absolutely terrified. "Take them off now". Does Curtain know Constance is happy? He has to, she's smiling like a psychopath. Oh my gosh, Jeffers having trouble taking them off, the poor man. "Barbaric treatment" you put Sticky in the waiting room Curtain, don't act so high and mighty! YES, STICKY GO OFF. Come on Curtain, you took away his anxiety once, is he really gonna fall for it again?

7:00- Oh dear we got number 2 and Benedict acting crazy now. Oh good Nicholas has been fighting it. Oh dear number 2 is actually making his doubts disappear now, she REALLY got into the happiness thing. IS SHE SINGING? Nicholas' "oh" when she started... oh now he's into it. NOT MILLIGAN AND RHONDA FINDING THEM LIKE THAT. This is funnier than I could have predicted.

9:00- Awe number 2 still likes yellow even brainwashed. Oh yikes there's Auguste again that creepy boy. He acts like a robot. This is so weird.

10:00- Awe Reynie. Oh no. Constance smiling. Ha, Reynie grabbing the spyglass to verify. Ok, Sticky is aware. I'm glad he's faking it. I was gonna say, no way he's being taken in twice. Kate: "I'm not putting those clothes on" *Cut to her with the clothes on*

13:00- Curtain: "To release inner joy takes skill" Yeah, the skill you don't have you, invention-stealing buffoon.

13:30- "they're ready" READY FOR WHAT? Oh, they can spread it now without Curtain being there. How does that even work? I guess Constance is a liability now. Sticky you poor hopeful boy. "Yeah... they're just good at faking it" Poor Kate.

15:00- YES NICHOLAS FIGURE IT OUT. FOLLOW THEM. He can see his brother's distress. He knows something is wrong.

16:00- "Not now Nicky" - HE CALLS HIM NICKY WHEN HE'S STRESSED AND NOT THINKING HE STILL DEFAULTS TO THAT. I hate Curtain but that's still kind of sweet in a twisted sort of way. I hope Nicholas calls him out. YES FOLLOW HIM.

16:45- Oh no they got Ms. P. Oh dear "it's understandable" "conflicts are unnecessary" oh my gosh they really got Milligan. What did they do to Rhonda and Number 2's outfits this is awful.

19:00- Oh no Constance. Wait she's spilling the tea on Garrison. I hope Garrison comes back. Yes, Kate got the notebook! And yes Garrison and Curtain can't be trusted, that's been clear from day 1.

20:00- Nicholas, you gotta snap out of it and save these people. You know what the right thing to do is. "SO FIX IT" Yikes Curtain, that's your job, you made this mess. Poor Jillson and Jackson look horrified. See Nicholas, this is what your brother really is. A terrible boss and a deadbeat dad who has no idea where his son is.

20:40- ARE THEY TRYING TO GET THE PROMOTION NOW? Honestly, they deserve it. Go off Jackson and Jillson. I love these two. "unlike previous owners of the position" *cuts to Marlon* OH MY GOSH IT ACTUALLY CUT TO MARLON, I love this so much. I hope Marlon can hear them.

21:15- "Correlation. Which is not the same as causation." Okay Curtain, trying to be a high school psychology teacher. He's not promoting them? "Don't bring me problems", Curtain you suck at leadership. Jackson and Jillson need to get out of there.

22:00- The way Nicholas perked up when he heard Constance! <3. He sounds genuinely happy! I hope they can somehow un-brainwash each other.

23:00- Yes! We're going on a mission! But how are these household gadgets gonna work against Garrison's inventions? Love the montage regardless. It'd be funny if it didn't work and they just ended up blinding Curtain with flashing lights instead and he has to use a seeing-eye alpaca for the rest of the series.

25:00- What. What is this. What is this Hippie dance party. Curtain would absolutely hate this. I'm sure he views this party style as the price he pays for control. Or maybe he would like it since he clearly enjoyed creepily dancing in his room. Wow, Ms. P is really feeling it. And yeah, the fact that Mr. Benedict knew he should be worried but couldn't feel anything is extremely concerning.

26:30- Contemporary Jazz and Folk Style? Kate has a very specific taste. Oh, THAT's the worldview wash. IS IT WORKING? YES, IT WORKED. NOW FIND CONSTANCE. Rhonda looks disgusted with herself, I can't. This is hilarious. NUMBER 2 IS GONNA BE SO UPSET. "I'm Vibing"- please.

29:00- Jillson and Jackson do not tattle. Curtain is clearly evil and you deserve better. Oh dear. Now we're getting our drama! OH NO. NO. THEY DIDN'T GET CONSTANCE YET. PFFFT- WAIT THAT WAS THEIR WHOLE PLAN? JUST TO RUN AT HIM AND TACKLE HIM TO THE GROUND? AND IT SORT OF WORKED? Except for Jillson's shoulder. Love the team rocket energy. YES KIDNAP CURTAIN PLAN IS BACK!

31:00- I love how Nicholas is totally willing to kidnap Curtain if they can stay together. He just really wants to be with his family.

32:00- Not the creepy mirror talk again Curtain. If you keep doing that you might accidentally hypnotize yourself. Actually, you know what, keep it up. Maybe once you are frozen, SQ can finally leave you. Oh, Curtain's not feeling it anymore, he's actually worried. I like that they are showing this. He's questioning himself even for a brief moment. Is he worried about Nicholas or SQ? They said he was on a walk so it's implied that SQ took the "happiness" too. FLOWER DELIVERY? "Oh I see". I can't with this. It's like the "Acid?" from season 1, just way too perfect. Wait a minute, DUSKWORTH? Ooooo.... I vaguely remember that from the book. So it will probably be important.

33:00-34:00- NICHOLAS LOVINGLY PATTING HIS BROTHER IN THE BAG I CAN'T- AND THEY JUST CRASH THROUGH THE GATES HAHA. No, Jackson and Jillson, my people, don't say anything. Just announce that Dr. Curtain's final wishes were to put you in charge. Don't fumble the bag.

34:25- They are sleeping on top of Curtain? Like he's a mattress? This is hilarious. NICHOLAS NO. NOT THE NECK. WHAT ABOUT CONSTANCE? Oh, dear. Nathaniel better have some remorse and concern about his son. Wait, that's it?

Well, I guess they really, REALLY couldn't get SQ's actor back. That is the most disappointing thing. But I love where this is going. Seeing the adults in brainwash mode was hilarious. Curtain's "oh, I see" after the flower delivery was amazing. Also, the fact that he didn't recognize Kate's voice. I wonder if Curtain will actually feel bad about his brother and niece being frozen. I wonder if he actually cares about where his off-screen son is right now. I suppose we will find out. Also excited to meet number 2's family and get her name reveal. Hopefully, we will also see Martina and Garrison again.

[autumnboyd17]

I wanted to post my thoughts somewhere but didn't know where. So it sat in my notes app until I remembered I had this account.

When tackling a subject like immortality where do I even begin?

Vampires have existed for as long has humans have been able to spread stories. Every culture has some sort of undead being that needs to feed off a humans life force in some essence to survive. Some cultures it was your soul, sucking bit by bit until there was nothing left. For others it was quite literally a human life, the vampire needing to kill and eat to survive like any other predator, in this sense vampires and zombies are the same. Recently the term, energy vampires has risen to popularity, the phrase is used for people draining to talk to. But most notably and persistently, it's blood.

I have held a fascination with vampires for as long as I can remember.

My mom used to go all out on decorations for Christmas and Halloween. Scared that it'd be afraid of them, she introduced me to the decorations as toys or friends. We had a very short cardboard cut out of Dracula and it became my favorite. I carried it around everywhere, my parents referred to him as my first boyfriend. Now he sits on top of my shelves, he's beat to hell but I love him. My mom showed me a movie made in 1987 called, The Lost Boys. Of course she covered my eyes during that one weird awkward sex scene, and I was too young to understand any of the jokes. Spoiler, but I called the twist that Max was the head vampire even after they lead you to believe otherwise. My mom thought I was so smart. Later in the car I asked my mom if vampires were real. She of course said no, and when that answer disappointed me, she told me some people to pretended to be vampires, sharpening their teeth and drinking animal or each others blood, but they can't live off that alone. I think her information was supposed to disgust me but id be lying if I said I hadn't looked into cosmetic teeth sharpening a few times. When I was 7 I spent the night at a friend's house and we watched this "new" movie called Twilight. Growing up, my mom would rent seasons of True Blood from Blockbuster, I knew it was about vampires but I wasn't allowed to watch that one. At some point I was shown Interview with a Vampire. That movie is what introduced me to Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, a song I've loved dearly ever since. Despite my fond memories of vampires, werewolves and zombies where my favorites till I got older and into my emo phase. Then, finally, vampires were cool.

I never had a stable friend group as a kid, it changed around every year. My grandpa passed when I was 10, my dad left when I was 11. The only 2 constants I felt like I had were my Mom and our dog Hause. The first 4 months of 2020 took both of them along with the rug under me.

One night when I was sad and on the hunt for nostalgia, I found The Lost Boys. I pirated it to my lap top and watched it for the first time since my mom passed. Its like I could hear her saying prominent lines and fun facts about the actors and the location the movie takes place, Santa Carla. Its a fictional version of Santa Cruz, the board walk and the beaches my parents used to take me too as a baby are all shown in the opening to the movie while a cover of The Door's People are Strange played. Its like I can't watch it without her. And for that its my favorite movie. Watching it as an adult made it loose a bit of child-like wonder, I understand all the jokes now, and I have small crushes on the characters Michael and Star, and my eyes are no longer covered during their awkwardsex scene, though I wish they were. Regardless, my point of view has changed, but still, I remember exactly what it was like in the beginning. Change is sad, but its beautiful.

Since my mom passed I've had a big fear of watching everyone I love die before me. Most people laugh it off but seriously, I don't know if I'd be able to handle losing someone so close again, and since my solution hasn't been to not let anyone get close, its obviously been to die before them. I've attempted suicide over it. So, the idea that someone can be there with you forever. The concept that someone can love you for lifetimes. That consistency, the "always and forever" of it. Its beautiful.

I'm crazy but hypothetically, if I could find a vampire to love me I could get close and never have to even think about taking my own life early just so I'd never have to grieve a day over them. That hypothetical is what keeps me hooked and coming back. Not the sparkles or the teeth. Undying love. Thats the beauty of it.

I do think there's a beauty in death too. The same way there's beauty in birth. We all live, we all die, and when you can't count on the vampires because they don't exist, its the only consistency we really have. Thats all we get. I don't know what happens after death, but I imagine it's peaceful. You just let go of the weight of life and die. No more pain. No more anxiety. No more joy. Just sweet nothing. I hope that when I leave my final breath here I get to join my mom somewhere nice. And maybe everyone else I lose along the way, though I still hope its not many. However, I can't rely on this, there's no certainty in what happens after death, only death.

I'm sure you probably think I'd never even want to think about being a vampire after that. But I would really love that!! It would be so cool to watch humanity grow and learn and progress. Their downfalls and how they rise. I would learn everything I could as a vampire. I would go to college over and over again. Majoring in, Philosophy, Psychology, Sociology, History, English. I would probably need to get a better understanding on science too eventhough it's always been my least favorite subject. I would learn and learn and learn and never worry about running out of time because I'd have all the time in the world. I think at some point though, I'd cut my time as a vampire short. One day I'd wake up and decide I've learned enough to satisfy me, see enough to fulfill me, and stand in the sun one last time.

I think I'd make a good vampire. I'm already a night owl, I'm typing this up at 12:30 am. I don't mind blood. Its really only the fear of people I love dying that holds me back. I could turn everyone I love in to vampires as well, but not everyone I love would want to be a vampire. I'd never be able to live with myself if I selfishly forced eternity on someone who didn't want it.

I think the choice to become a vampire, has all the same pros and cons as choosing to live life as is. I'm going to watch people I care about die, but I also get to witness humanity change and grow every day. I burn in the sun, and I learn as I go along. Accidents can happen, or I can choose to end life early. If you take out the factor of never growing old, the hard choices are the same.

Then you remember, there is no choice to be a vampire or not. The only choice I get is if I want to keep on living. I do. I do want to keep living because dying of old age is the closest I'll ever get to being able to see eternity. And that sounds sick as fuck.

Ultimately, I have my mom to thank for my love of vampires. She's the one who introduced me to the idea as a small child, and her death drove the final nail into the coffin of my obsession. Yes that pun was intended please laugh. I just kinda wish that I could share my thoughts and excitement about vampires with her. Maybe one day, 80 years from now, I'll decide I've learned enough to satisfy me, see enough to fulfill me, I'll leave my final breath here, let go of the weight of life and die. Hopefully I get to join my mom somewhere nice and tell her all about what it was like to almost live for eternity.