#i know that I'll be sad and upset about it happening and upset at myself for being upset!

[sebille]

I can feel myself slowing things down to avoid the inevitable heartbreak I'll have to experience at the end of endwalker lmao I'm so WEAK

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[silverselfshippingchaos]

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

[igotanidea]

Coke and disappointment: Jason Todd x reader

Warnings: SMUT MDNI!, friends to lovers, bad date on reader's part

Summary: when a date goes wrong, who's better to talk to if not a best friend. Even if that best friend happens to secretly have feelings for you and the complaining may actually push him over the edge...

A/N: sorry for the typos and mistakes, no time to proofread :D I'll fix it later :D

***

He was a fool.

A stupid, idiotic fucker who was too stubborn to speak up.

Too scared to tell the girl he liked that he liked her.

And now he was about to lose her.

Jason let out a shaky exhale, feeling his heart shutter at the thought she was about to move on with her life and leave him alone. Again. And then he punched the wall in a poor attempt at transforming that sadness into rage.

Rage was easier and he knew how to navigate it.

He took in the surroundings of his apartment, a little cluttered and shabby, but still it was the place he called his. Just last night she was casually lunging on his couch, texting on her phone with that stupid smile that always made his heart melt.

She was texting him. That other guy who obviously did not deserve her.  HE could have been the prince charming himself, be a gentleman with the look, but in Jason’s opinion he did not deserve her.

She was so close on that stupid couch.

So close.

All he had to do was take one step forward, take the phone from her hands and fucking tell her how he felt.

And then she jumped in the air, laughing and spinning around, proudly announcing she had a date.

And suddenly she was not so close anymore. Almost like those three words made a mountain grow between them.

A mountain, a sea, a valley and a desert.

His words died in his throat and he just smirked, throwing his usual meaningly funny comment and shut his heart once more.

And now he was spread on the same couch she was yesterday, with a bottle of beer in his hand, thinking stupid thoughts.

***

“Are you drinking without me?” the door swung open and Y/n walked inside like she owned the place, almost immediately heading towards the fridge and grabbing herself a bottle of cola zero.

“The hell Y/N? The hell you’re doing here?!”

“Can’t I just pop in at my friend’s place?” she raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her drink.

“Oh, no, you know what, by all means come in at any time. What if I was with someone?” Jason hissed in response, moving on the couch to make space for her.

“Well then, if so, you should remember to close the door.  As much as I wouldn’t mind the show, I’m pretty sure the girl you’ll be taking advantage of would not be delighted with an onlooker.”

“You’re disgusting Y/N.” Jason sighed with a hint of a smirk.

“But I’m not wrong, am I?” she grinned and poked his ribs playfully.

“No. No you are not.”

“Yeah…”

That yeah coming from her was supposed to be said in a funny tone, but came out a little desperate, the silence that fell after only added to that sensation.

“Hey Y/n/n?”

“Hm?”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You know what.” Jason frowned and cupped her chin making her look at him

“That little failure of something that I already romanticized in my head before?”

“Yeah. About that.”

“Actually, yes, let’s talk about it. Maybe you can tell me what is wrong with today’s men.”

“Oh, shit talking the fucker that clearly made you upset. I’m game.” Jason stood up gathering another beer and coke from the fridge, getting ready for the long conversation. “Do tell.” With the force he jumped back on the couch, Y/N flew a few inches in the air.

“He came late.” She started and Jason booed “he was dressed as if it was a beach or something. And then he took me to the park—”

“Hopefully those punches and moves I taught you helped?”

“Right, cause we were fighting squirrels.” Y/N rolled her eyes “come on, be serious, it was the middle of the day in a public place. Using those punches will only make me get attention to myself. I settled on the good old kick in the groin.

Jason laughed. It was obvious the meeting did not go well.

“He was only talking about himself. Like all the time. Never once asking a thing about me.”

“You could have started talking yourself. I’m pretty sure the fucker had to make breaks for breathing?”

“Actually, I’m starting to believe he’s that one parasite that scientists discovered and that does not.”

“A parasite huh?”

“Pretty much so.”

“So, he took you to the café?”

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, you’re serious!?” Jason turned abruptly to meet her eyes. “So the hell were you two doing?”

“Walking in the park?” Y/N raised an eyebrow “just told you?”

“For two hours?! How big was this fucking park?”

“Well….” Her gaze traveled lower and she started fidgeting with her fingers.

“What else?”

“Nothing.”

“What else, Y/N?” Jason almost groaned in frustration.

“At some point we took a turn and had to literally bush-bash.”

“No!” much to her surprise Jason started guffawing

“Hey, stop laughing! It was not funny! I had a dress!”

“Oh, poor little you.” He cackled even harder. “You don’t really want my opinion on that so-called “date” do you?”

“Of course not. I’m not exactly blind to red flags. I just wanted to vent.”

“You can be blind to red flags sometimes.” Jason muttered, quickly drowning the words with the sip of a drink.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You’re spending time with me, instead with one of your girlfriends.”

“I don’t have girlfriends and your red flags are the reason why you are my friend and why there would never be anything else.”

Ouch. That was like a punch to the guts.

“What if there was?” he blurted without thinking, only because the bottle turned out empty and he couldn’t swallow the bile.

“What--?” with a broken word and the way her eyes focused on his face, Jason knew there was no going back. It was now or never.

“What if there was Y/N? What if there was something more…?” with a gentle touch he grabbed her coke and put it on the nearby table, instead intertwining their fingers. “What if—”

“Jason, don’t—”

“Don’t tell me to stay in the shadows while you keep dating men that can’t even take you for coffee!” he yelled and it made her stumble backwards, letting go of his hands. “Fuck! Why can’t you see it?!

“See what…?”

“You deserve –” he started, but she cut him off.

“No. No, don’t you dare tell me that I deserve someone better. I don’t really see men lining up for me” Y/N chuckled dryly “I’m not a teen anymore, soon my expiration date will come and –“

“Shut up!” he hissed, in a blink of an eye finding himself on the other side of the couch, his eyes boring a hole into her face, his hands aching to do so many things… “You deserve more than a mindless stroll in the park, not that the walk itself is a bad thing. You deserve to be spoiled and –“

“Please don’t…”

“If anything more, you at least deserve a good orgasm.” He groaned, unable to control himself anymore, eyes filled with lust and unspoken promises of pleasure.

She was so close. Once again. Only now, he wasn’t going to cross the line. It was her choice. If she wanted to walk out and close the door on him – fine. This would hurt like hell, but eventually Jason would get over it.

But it was her choice and there was no way he would take advantage of her.

As if making her hot and bothered with the look in his eyes, the closeness and the heat from his presence and words was not taking advantage.

***

Y/N was lost only for a second.

It’s been so long since she’s been touched. So long since she felt anyone in that way. And her body needed it.

God knows she needed it.

And she had no power to swim against the tide, grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him.

***

Jason reacted instinctively.

His strong hands moved to her waist, pulling her on top of him, starting to grind against her, even through their clothes.

He was going to make her feel so good.

So fucking good, taking her to the places she’s never been before.

Only for her. Just for her.

Her.

Now not only in his thoughts and crazy fantasies, but in flesh and bone in his arms, on his couch, pliant and needy for attention.

“Jason….” His lips moved from her lips to her neck, brushing over her pulse point.

“Jason…” his hands rolled her dress up until it was on her waist.

“Jason…” the word became hoarse and breathy when he lifted her up so she was now straddling him.

And he was only just beginning.

Teasing her with one finger, pulling her panties away, feeling the wetness already seeping on his jeans. She was so ready for him just from a few touches. How touch starved and neglected she must have been if just a little foreplay was enough?

“You’re mine tonight…” he groaned into her ear. “Mine. Say it Y/N…”

“Yours…” she whimpered, shuddering at the way his index finger inched closer to her heat.

“Yeah. Mine.” For Jason it felt just right to call her his.

“Please….”

“Not yet baby.”

“Don’t be mean… You promised me—”

“A good time. And that’s exactly what you’ll get. But not like that.”

“Then what—Ah!”

Her cry of surprise tore the air as he grabbed her by the waist, lifted her in the air and carried towards the bedroom, miraculously avoiding all the stuff on the floor. Once in the room, with one hand around her, he threw the cover alongside every little thing on it onto the floor, making quite a noise. But what was a little background mess in comparison to the passion they were both experiencing right now.

They were clearly not friends now, but it was not important.

All the labels, unanswered questions and doubts left their heads as fast as their clothes started flying in all the directions. Bra on the lamp, boxers on the bedpost, shirt on the floor, a mess of clothes in the foot of the bed.

They didn’t care.

All that mattered at that moment was his lips on hers, her hands in his hair, the way his fingers kept pumping in and out of her prepping her for what was coming and the smell of her arousal in the air.

And those moans of pleasure that hit his ear made him hard enough to drill through the concrete.

“So wet…” he muttered

“So good!” she cried out arching her back, turning into a wanton, a bitch, not caring in the slightest about losing control. It felt good to just let go.

“Yeah?” he breathed out pulling fingers out of her, now coated with her juices. “Good?” Jason made sure to trace them up her body, spreading wetness on her stomach, her breasts with those deliciously pert nipples just begging to be abused and finally on her mouth. As if knowing she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from licking those plump red lips in a motion that was both innocent and obscene. “I'll show you good…”

With a groan, almost losing control, he spread her legs, hovering over her, leaning so close that his breath was hitting her face and his chest pressed against her breasts creating unbearable friction.

“Jason… Jason, please…” she squirmed, arched, begged and pleaded.

“I’ll give you everything you need…” he promised, leaning on forearms, slowly pushing inside her, mindful of every expression on her face. Only upon making sure she was feeling the pleasure and not the pain, his eyes moved lower, watching his cock disappear in her.

The dirty look that once again shuttered the fundamentals of his self-control.  

“More!” she cried out, closing eyes, grabbing his shoulders, earning a groan from him.

“Fuckin more!”

There was no interim between bottoming out and adjusting to his size and frenzied pace of lovemaking. They just went from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye.

He was gripping the headrest, too scared to touch her body In fear he’ll break her from the force. His forearms were straining from the power in those strong arms and Y/N knew he could snap her like a branch. Instead, somewhere deep inside that lust filled brain, he was still focused on her well being and safety.

Not that she could say the same about the way his cock was thrusting. Pulling in and out of her like she was made out of a rubber, shaping her to his girth, making sure to leave the memories of that night not only in her brain but also gouging the flutes on her pussy. For she was his.

Crying out his name

Touching him.

Letting him feel that tight wetness groping him like a vice.

So fucking tight only proving the point that she didn’t get nearly enough sex as she deserved.

“Tell me-“ he gasped, leaning his forehead on hers with sweaty hair clinging to it “How many times before you’ve came-“

“I – I don’t – I can’t-„ she cried out when he lifted her hips, changing the angle hitting deeper, harder, more intensely, effectively silencing all the thoughts. All she could focus on then was matching his pace, keeping that delicious stretch going, igniting the friction, running hands all over his back, holding him tight enough to not fly out into space right away.

“Tell me baby. I need you to say it.” He muttered between ragged breath, feeling his own release knocking at the door more and more stridently.

“Ne- never!” she cried out “Please!”

“Cum for me sweetheart.” He whispered in her ear with the silent promise of catching her and keeping her safe.

And he knew she believed him when her sobs, cries and gasps of climax filled the room, completing the scent of sex with the sound of pleasure.

Perfection incarnated in the form of a sin.

***

“Go on a date with me…”

Once they both came out from their high, laying side by side in the bed-

Once he dared to let out that soft side of his feelings, tracing circles on her sensitive body –

Once the arousal and horniness was gone-

There was no regret. No oh-my-god-what-have-we-done moment.

In fact, in some crazy way, it all seemed natural. Like both Jason and Y/N knew that it was bound to happen and their sex was not an accident or a mistake.

But a date?

“I’m serious, Y/N. Go on a date with me.”

“You don’t owe me—”

“It’s not about owing, baby. I want it. To be able to hold your hand in public, to beat to pulp every single guy that comes too close to you. To kiss you under the moonlight. To walk you home after and come upstairs just to cuddle on the couch together.”

“You sure?” she teased, laying her upper body on top of his, looking into his eyes with a happy smile “that would ruin your reputation as a cold and heartless motherfucker.”

"Some people are worth sacrificing like that…”

“Must be someone special.” Y/N whispered, her heart fluttering at the sensitivity Jason was expressing now.

“She is. A one in the million.” He tangled fingers in her hair, unable to tear his eyes from her naked form next to him.

The happiest fucker in the universe.

And to think she came to his place only to have a coke and complain about a bad date.

Coke and disappointment turning into a chance at a relationship.  

[furiousgoldfish]

I've noticed the other day how life is fundamentally different when living out of abuse. I had an experience of waking up in the morning, sleepily tapping over to the kitchen in my pajamas, wondering what to make for breakfast, and making a plan for the day. Completely careless and unselfconscious, thinking only about the food and what I wanted to do with my day. It hit me then how impossible every aspect of this would be, had I still been living in the abuse.

If I was still around abusers, my first thought in the morning would not be 'oh I'm so sleepy I'm gonna find something to eat', it would be 'Are they in the house, are they in the room, are they already mad at me'. I would be looking around cautiously, listening for every sound that indicates they're near me. I would be checking the clock to see if their schedule had already put them in their workplace or wherever they go, and then still peering trough the doors anxiously to see if the hallway is clear, if I can get to the kitchen. I'd be checking how I look to see if I'll be reprimanded for being in the pajamas in the common area. I'd change just to avoid the possibility. I'd be checking each item of food and wondering if it's okay to take it, or whether there's a chance I'll get yelled at or blamed for taking it. I'd be analyzing the last words and actions we exchanged to try to predict how close the abuser is from blowing up and possibly attacking me.

The rest of my day would be scheduled around avoiding them, or alternatively, being in the place where they could easily find me, because if I'm not where I'm expected to be, they might get mad. All of my activities could be stopped and prevented at moment's notice if they decided I need to be doing something for them at that moment. I could be yelled at for not doing something for them sooner, for 'making them say it'.

If I wanted to go out, I'd have to consider if this is allowed, and if they'd want me to stay inside for one reason or another. If I am outside, I'd have to worry about what's going to happen to my stuff if I'm not back whenever they're expecting me to be there, or what kind of angry state I'd find them in. It would be safest to notify them of everything I'm doing, but they might immediately call it unnecessary, stupid, offensive or otherwise inconvenient, and force me to drop it and do something for them instead. Secrecy was the only way to do things, but also risky in case some part of it turns out to be not allowed. There were never any clear rules to what is okay, it would change with their moods.

If I could hear the abuser's car parking in the driveway, I would run back inside of my room, as if it was the 'safe area', when it wasn't. It would at least take me out of their view, so they wouldn't immediately think to start at me. But if they wanted to, they could just go inside of my room and charge at me then. I would just delay being the target, putting myself out of immediate sight. Of course this also meant I couldn't leave any trace of doing anything in the home, so it wouldn't be noticeable I just ran away. Everything has to look untouched.

And then when they interacted with me, I had to make sure to not show emotion on my face, to not look overly confident or happy, to not show any fear or anxiety, to not look sad or upset, to not look angry. I had to act normal, or else. I had to try and defend my own actions and interests walking a fine line of 'trying to let them know I'm upset and unhappy about this, without setting them off and causing them to blow up at me for talking back'. And I'd be told off for this too, because 'how could I complain when people have it soo much worse and I am ungrateful for having a roof over my head'. I had to do whatever was asked out of me, and restrain from even expressing it wasn't what I wanted, for the fear of losing the roof over my head.

Unbelievable I just lived like that for many years. And now I can flop in my pajamas to the kitchen, eyes half closed, make a mess, and think of nothing but food and plans for the day, not worrying for a second that someone could target me for any move I make. I still get scared easily, but nobody attacks me anymore. I can take any item of food, for it is all mine. I can decide to go out anytime, come back anytime, no consequences. I decide what is good for me to do, and nobody else gets an input. I can think of my own interests, and disgreard what anyone else in the world could want from me, because I don't exist for their convenience, and I don't have to worry about it anymore. What I lived before feels absolutely intolerable now. Even one second of that is unsurvivable.

[elinoracia]

⁑ They see you cry for the first time// Hogwarts legacy characters reactions x reader ⁑

~ Hogwarts Legacy headcanons ~

Warnings: hurt/comfort, fluff, use of Y/N, mention of death and blood, swearing (censored), Leander jumpscare. Pairings: Sebastian x reader, Ominis x reader, Garreth x reader, Amit x reader, Poppy x reader, Natty x reader, Imelda x reader, Leander x reader.

Feel free to request anything!

-------------------------------

Context: Even after Professor Fig's death, even under great pressure and no matter the situation, you never let your friends saw you crack. Not even a single tear. You were trying really hard to hide your pain and sadness. But it had to come out one day... After fighting against some poachers with your companion, they almost killed him/her. After you saved him/her, you finally broke down. You thought you lost him/her too. You couldn't control your tears. (Pre-relationship)

THEIR REACTION :

Sebastian:

He gets up and dusts himself off without noticing how devasted you were at first.

"It seems like I'm the one who's in your debt now. I owe you- Y/N? Are you crying?"

He almost runs to you the moment he notices.

"What is wrong? Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Tell me!"

He is extremely worried. He doesn't know why you're crying. When you explain to him you were really afraid of losing him like you lost so many people in your life, he got really quiet for a moment.

"You'll never lose me. We're a team, the best team even. If we stick together and protect eachother, nothing could ever happen to one of us. Besides, I am an excellent duellist!... Look at me Y/N..."

He lifts your chin up to make you meet his gaze. You could see how concerned he was. He wipes away some of your tears with his fingers.

"I'll be the one protecting you next time." You could feel he wasn't only talking about duels or battles...

He is not really good with words so he will go out of his way to try to cheer you up for the rest of the day. He will pick little flowers for you and bring you sweets.

"I'm not great with words but I surely can listen! Please come to me if you want to talk..or if you need a big bear hug! I'm also good with those."

Would hug you very tightly for as long as you need.

Ominis:

He will notice almost immediately when you start crying. He felt your breath pattern change and he heard you slightly sniffle.

"Y/N, may I ask what's troubling you? It's very unlike you to be this upset. I'm worried. Are you hurt perhaps?"

You then explain how scared you were. You feel like you almost lost him too.

He stays silent. He goes to reach for your hand and holds it.

He usually never lets anyone holds his hand because he doesn't feel like he is in need of any guidance and doesn't think it is ever necessary. But he is making an exception to comfort you.

"I appologize for making you worry that much about my safety. But I am still here...thanks to you."

You both make it back to Howarts and he refuses to let go of your hand.

"As you may already know, I am a great listener. I am always available if you feel the need to talk about anything."

"Your safety is also truly important to me. I just want to make sure you do not feel like what happened to you or anyone is your fault."

He really wants to make sure you're feeling better before letting your hand go.

He doesn't care if people can see him holding your hand. All that matters at this moment is you.

"Take your time Y/N. I'll stay for as long as you need me to."

Garreth:

He is very oblivious about the situation. You turn your head to not face him so he couldn't see your tears. But you feel your shoulders shake.

When he notices how your demeanor changed, he just wonders if you were tired or maybe hurt.

"Y/N? Are you alright? I have some Wiggenweld potions if you need any. I even brew them myself."

You try to explain to him how you felt. You couldn't contain your tears. Those poachers almost killed him in front of your eyes... You see his eyes widen.

"Y/N...Please don't cry. I'm fine, look! Please... I hate when I can't see your pretty smile."

He will almost instantly take you in his arms and give you a hug. He will also gently carress your head as he tries to make you smile or laugh.

"Come on Y/N, you usually always laugh at that joke! Smile for your best bud...please."

He will not leave you alone until you feel better.

"Trust me, I think you might need some of that famous Gryffindor courage, chivalry, and determination to make you feel better! You're in luck, I have all of the above!"

He will not leave you for the rest of the day. And if anyone tries to talk to you, he will tell them you need to rest. He wouldn't want you to feel too overwhelmed.

"There it is! There is your pretty smile. Do you feel a bit better now?"

Amit:

After the battle against the poachers, his first instinct will be to check on you, even he was the one who almost died. He'll quickly notice you feel upset.

"Y/N what is wrong? Please don't cry...I'm here for you."

You explained how unbearable the thought of almost losing him too was. You explained how much it breaks you.

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't know how much that impacted you. I should have known. But I'm here for you now. Don't be ashamed to cry in front of me. I'm here..."

As you're crying, he gently rubs your back and hands you his handkerchief. He stays next to you until you finish crying. Then he will talk to you for a while.

"I hope you know you don't have to hide your emotions from me anymore. I still think you're incredibly strong. You're so wonderful Y/N, truly."

He'll almost force you to go get some rest for the rest of the day.

"Please, let me bring you back to your dorms. You need to rest. I'll warn your teachers about your absence, they'll understand. I'll give you the notes I took during class, I insist on that."

He'll walk you back to your dorms like the gentleman he is. He'll make sure you don't have to worry about anything else for the rest of the day.

He will bring some food to you so you don't forget to eat. It's not just an excuse to come to see you and check on you, not at all really

He will try to be more careful about what he does. He doesn't want to worry you.

Poppy:

She almost cries first. The situation really shook her. But when she notices you crying, she focuses all her attention on you.

"Y/N! Please tell me you're not hurt! I'm here, I'm okay, you're okay. Take a deep breath."

You try explaining to her through your heavy sobs how afraid you were to lose her too.

"Don't be silly, I'll always be right next to you, no matter how annoying it can be. They can't possibly get rid of me that easily when you're with me Y/N. That's what makes you such an amazing person... You're always so selfless."

She takes you in her arms. Nobody can possibly make her let go of you.

"I'm so sorry you went through all of that... but you will never lose me."

She makes you take deep breaths and do breathing exercises until you calm down a little.

"Do you feel better? Do you need me to bring you something? Water? Food? Anything? Let me go get that for you!"

You could ask her for anything and she'll RUN to get them for you.

"Don't worry, it's okay to cry. Sometimes I cry too! It doesn't make you weak or anything of the sort! Your tears mean you feel deeply and that's a good thing!"

She'll make sure that you're not alone, not a single second, for the rest of the day. She has to make sure you feel supported.

Natty:

She is very attentive to what is happening around her. So it doesn't take her long to notice your muffled sobs you were trying to hide.

"Y/N, what's wrong? I'm here with you, you can tell me about it."

She tries to stay very calm. She wouldn't want to stress you out more than you already are.

As you explain to her how you felt about losing her too and the fear of her being killed, you can notice how concerned she looks. She sadly knows that feeling all too well.

"I want to support you in any way you need. You are not alone. I...I know how you feel."

She'll make you sit next to her. She will let you cry it out while she hold your hand and softly rubs it with her thumb.

"This is really hard for you, I understand. I will help you work it out. I'll never leave you Y/N. You'll never lose me, I hope you know that."

She'll hand you tissues as she listens to you attentively.

"Is there anything I can do to help? I would do anything to help you feel better."

She is ready to do anything you want. It really hurts her to see you go through what she went through.

Following this incident, you can be sure she will regularly check on you.

Imelda:

She is panting as she tries to get up. She is just glad she didn't die. It was a close-call. When she turns to look at you, she is surprised to see you so upset.

"Y/N? Why are you crying? We won! You beat them all! It could be so much worse, I almost died."

You explain how the though of losing her the way you lost so many people scares you. Your tears are flowing on your cheeks.

"I'm not...that big of a deal. If I knew you were going to cry over me, I would have been more careful... Please...Y/N..."

She slowly pats your back, not really knowing what to do or what to say.

"Hey Y/N, it's okay, I'm still here. And even if one day I die, I'm sure you'll figure out something crazy like usual and resurrect me or something like that. You're that powerful, I'm sure of it. But let's not think about it just yet!"

She usually would NEVER hug anyone but she'll hug you if you ask her. She will complain but she'll still do it for you.

"Hugh! So needy! Just don't hold me too tight, I can't escape death twice in a row. There there, I'm here."

Deep down she enjoys being the one you're worried about. She would never admit it though.

"Don't tell anyone we hugged or I'll never hug you again."

Leander:

He only thinks about himself at first. He almost died and couldn't believe he was still here.

"Holy sh*t you saved me! Y/N... it was crazy. I-... Are you crying?"

You tell him how afraid you were about losing him too. You couldn't bear the thought of him dying.

"Oh...I- hum..."

He doesn't have a single clue how to comfort you. He is very ankward and clumsy with his words. He means well though.

He's the kind of person to not think before he talks.

"Y/N...look at me. I...hum...your tears are beautiful...S-Sorry I just blurt out random things when I'm nervous. But I'm here..."

He'll ankwardly hug you and pat your head.

"It's alright Y/N...Do you want my scarf? You're always begging me to give it to you so you can wear it. Here, take it."

He gives you his scarf you puts it around your neck. It feels strangely comforting.

"You can wipe your tears with it if you want. It's yours now. Red suits you much better anyway."

You burry your face in his chest and hug him tighter.

"I hope it's not just an excuse because you don't need to do that if you really needed a hug from me that bad. I'll hug you everyday if you insist."

In a weird way, his teasing makes you feel a bit better.

[traumasurvivors]

I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.

The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse�� problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.

You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.” 

These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.

Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.

It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.

When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.

Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.

[roosterforme]

Batting Practice Part 14 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: With a little help from Jake, Bob and Molly, Bradley gets a chance to plead his case. But you're still on the fence about the Phillies game, and Bradley can't stand the thought of disappointing Everett. He bought those tickets for the three of you, because he wants to be on your perfect, little team.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, and fluff

Length: 4000 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female single!mom Reader

Check my masterlist for more Top Gun fun! Batting Practice masterlist.

When Molly told you that she couldn't take Everett to practice on Thursday, you actually whined at her. You were a mess of every emotion that could possibly be felt right now, and you were afraid you'd collapse like a house of cards in a stiff breeze as soon as you saw Bradley's big brown eyes again. 

And then you remembered everything Jake said, and you wanted to run Bradley over with your car. You couldn't go on feeling this divided inside. You were exhausted and not sleeping well, and you snapped at Everett over nothing this morning. And now as you were about to pick him up and take him to practice, you needed to get back on track. You needed to stop thinking about Bradley.

"Mom!" Everett said, climbing into your car and buckling up. "Only three more days until the Phillies game."

You sighed and let your forehead rest briefly on your steering wheel before you started pulling out of the parking lot. "Ev, I don't know if that's still happening."

There was silence from the backseat. "Is this because you've been sad?" Your heart was squeezing in your chest as you swallowed hard. "Because the Phillies will cheer you up! And Coach Bradley will be there, and it's not on a tee ball day, so I can just call him Bradley like you do. And we can eat hot dogs like we did at the game last year."

"Ev," you managed to say, but there were tears in your eyes again. "We can talk about it more later, okay?"

"Yeah," he whispered, and you knew he was confused and upset, but you thought this was better than blindsiding him later. 

When you got to the ballfield, you made it a point to park far away from the Bronco. You changed your shoes on your way down to the bleachers like you always did, and Bradley came over to greet Everett like he always did. But his eyes were hopeful and set on you, almost like he was relieved. 

"Kitten," he whispered in that damn voice that made you see stars when you touched yourself in bed. 

"Coach," you replied without emotion, kneeling down in front of Everett to help him change into his cleats. 

"I can't tell you how happy I am to see you," Bradley said softly, and you could see him shifting from foot to foot out of the corner of your eye.

You kissed Everett's cheek and sent him over to Bob to warm up. Then you met Bradley's soft gaze with one of steel. "Molly was unavailable today. That's why I'm here. And I thought I told her to tell you to stop sending flowers to my house."

He nodded. "She did."

"Then why are there still flowers being delivered to my house?"

Bradley reached for you, but you stepped away from him. This was good. He was pissing you off. You didn't feel like forgiving him at all. He wouldn't stop with the flowers, and he was trying to touch you even though you didn't want him to.

"Kitten," he whispered. 

"Stop calling me that."

He sighed. "I know why you're still mad at me. You should be mad at me. I'm mad at myself." When you didn't respond, he said, "I'll stop sending flowers to your house if you let me walk you and Ev to your car after practice."

It seemed like a small price to pay, honestly. "Fine."

Bradley's eyes lit up like you had agreed to a lot more than walking forty yards with him. "Perfect," he whispered. "I can't wait."

You watched him walk away as you settled on the bleachers. Really, the walk to your car would only take a few minutes, and Everett would be doing most of the talking. You'd be fine. And over time, you'd get over Bradley and the way he broke your heart. 

So you watched the practice, trying to focus on Everett, but fully aware that your gaze made its way to Bradley every few minutes. You almost couldn't handle the way he was so sweet with your son, kneeling down to make sure Everett was okay after he got hit with a ball. You didn't have the heart to tell your son that there would be no more hanging out in the park with his coach. 

When practice was ending, you pulled Everett's shoes out and braced yourself for the walk to your car with Bradley. It would be fine.

Then you heard the other moms, and you felt like crying again as you looked down at your feet. "I see she's finally back at practice today, Tara." It was Sandra, not even trying to keep her voice down. 

"I don't see how she's allowed to be Team Mom if she's never here." What the hell? You only missed one game and one practice!

"Here comes Bradley. I think I'll ask him about it."

But Bradley must have heard them, because you looked up to see him and Everett standing in front of you. "Come on, Sandra, don't give her a hard time for missing a practice," Bradley said, and you gaped at him. He looked angry as he talked to the other moms. 

You turned to look at Sandra over your shoulder as she sweetly said, "It was actually a practice and a game, Bradley. And I'd be more than happy to take over her duties."

"No," Bradley said firmly. "She's the best, and I want the best for the team."

"It was just a suggestion," Sandra muttered, glaring at you as you stood and had Everett sit down. You quickly switched his shoes without a word and then you turned to Bradley who was looking at you like you were something to be adored.

"We're walking to the parking lot now," you told him. "And remember, no more flowers after this. Come on, Ev." You watched your son bounce a few steps ahead of you and Bradley, and you decided to be as cordial as you could. "And thanks, but I don't need you to defend me like that. I can take care of myself."

Bradley looked at you while you looked straight ahead. "I know you can. And you can take care of Everett, too. That's part of the reason I find you so sexy."

You pressed your lips together and tried to keep yourself from moaning. It wasn't fair that he was able to make you so confused with just his words. Then he added, "I'll always defend you both, Kitten. Always."

"Bradley," you murmured, emotionally lost between tears and attraction.

"You and Ev, whatever it takes," he rasped, his voice so soft as you watched Everett stop his bouncing. 

"Hey, Coach? My mom said we might not be going to the Phillies game."

"Ev," you said, cutting Bradley off before he could say anything. "I said we would talk about it later."

"But Mom, it is later," he replied, and you watched Bradley rubbing his face with his hands in frustration. "And I really want to go!"

Thankfully you were close to your car now, so you started walking a little faster. But you still heard Bradley say, "I really want to go, too."

---------------------------

Bradley's heart was pounding as he opened the back door for Everett just like he used to. You had parked so far away from his Bronco, it made his heart ache even more. Before he closed the door, Bradley leaned in and said, "Great practice today, kiddo. I'll see you on Saturday? You'll be well rested? We need our power hitter against the Tiny Cardinals."

"Yeah, Coach Bradley," he replied with a high five. But Everett's disappointment over potentially missing the Phillies game was palpable, and Bradley's heart clenched as he closed the door. 

He turned to look at you, realizing this was his only chance. After this, he wouldn't be able to hold anything over your head to make you talk to him or spend time with him. If he didn't pull this off now, you'd kick him to the curb for good. 

"I'm not going to lie to you. I'm never going to lie to you, Kitten," he promised, and he watched your eyes flutter closed as you leaned back against your car door. "I said that shit so many weeks ago, because I was afraid of the way I felt about you. I was dying to get to know you, even after the first day we met. You and Ev? You're perfect, baby. You're obviously too good for me, that much is clear. And I was insecure, and I am embarrassed about it now."

"Bradley," you whispered, looking up at him with tears in your pretty eyes. The urge to touch you was almost too much, but he managed to keep his hands clenched at his sides. 

"I know, Kitten. I fucked up with you. I would do anything for you to forgive me, for you to let me try to make this right. Because I want to be with you, be your only ball of yarn. But I will get on my knees right now and beg you to let me take Everett to the Phillies game on Sunday. I'll beg you if that's what it takes, because I can't bear to see him upset. I can't be someone who lets him down after making a promise to him. Please." 

You just looked at him, your lip quivering as you wiped the unshed tears from your eyes. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue, but he was too afraid to say them yet. He knew you'd get right in your car and drive away if he dared to say them to you right now. So he nodded once and started to drop down to his knees, but you reached for his arm, keeping him up.

"Don't beg," you whispered, releasing him as soon as you were convinced he wasn't going to kneel down. He wanted your hand back on him immediately, but you were clasping your fingers nervously in front of you now, and Bradley once again couldn't believe he'd done this to you.

You sniffed and then said, "You can take Ev to the Phillies game, but you'll have to find someone else for the third ticket. Maybe Bob will go, too."

Bradley's heart was pounding. You were going to let him take Everett to the game. "Kitten, it's either the three of us going together, or Ev and I will sit with an empty seat next to us. I got that ticket for you."

You licked your lips and nodded, and Bradley was just about to reach for you, but then you said, "After Sunday, I'll figure out how to tell him that you won't be spending time with us outside of tee ball anymore."

And as elated as he felt over being able to take Everett to the game, now he was afraid he was going to cry in front of you. "Kitten, just think about coming with us, okay? Just think about not having that conversation with him."

You started shaking your head, but Bradley caged you in against the door, his fingers brushing your hair. "You won't let me drop to my knees and beg you. You won't let me try to be better for you. Kitten, you're breaking my heart. So please, please just don't make any decisions like that yet. That third ticket is yours if you want it. I don't need an answer yet. Just think about it." 

You were just a few inches away from him when you finally nodded, and Bradley let out the breath he had been holding. 

"I'll think about it," you whispered, barely meeting his eyes, and he moved out of your personal space as you opened your door and slipped inside. Bradley gently closed the door and watched you drive away as Everett waved to him from the back seat. 

As soon as you were out of sight, Bradley's phone rang in his pocket, and he scrambled just in case it was you. Maybe you already decided to give him another chance?

It was Jake. "What do you want?" Bradley growled into his phone. 

"Hey, are you coming to the bar tonight? I have some good news for you."

Bradley signed and headed for the Bronco. "This better be the best news I've ever heard."

-----------------------------

You were thankful that Everett's game wasn't until Saturday afternoon, because that meant Molly could come with you. She had been so good to you all week, making sure you had everything you needed and running Everett around when she wasn't working. Plus, she'd been spending a lot of time with Bob.

It was obvious to you that she was smitten with Coach Cute Glasses, and things were starting to heat up a bit for them. You were happy for her, of course you were, but every time you thought about the night that the five of you went out for pizza, you got jealous. You wanted that all the time. But you also wanted Bradley to respect you and Everett. 

"You ready to go?" Molly asked Everett as he was dressed in his uniform. 

"Ready!" he said with a high five. When you had walked past his bedroom door to make sure he was getting changed for the game, you saw him flipping through the binder of baseball cards that Bradley had apparently dropped off for him. The stuffed Phanatic was back on his bed for now. His Phillies cap was hanging on the doorknob. You were making the right decision by allowing Bradley to take him to the Phillies game. But you were a little sad you'd be missing out.

"Let's go then," Molly told him, bending to tickle his sides. "Stop messing around, Everett. We'll be late if you don't stop," she told him as she continued to tickle him until he escaped and ran out to your car. "God, I fucking love that kid."

You laughed for the first time in so many days. "He's the best."

Molly looked at you cautiously. "Bob told me that Bradley was grounded at work all week. He was a distracted mess, so they wouldn't let him fly."

You gaped at her. "He was?"

"He was," Molly confirmed. "According to Bob, he's a mess over what happened with you. He can barely eat, and he's been drinking a lot of bourbon."

You bit your lip against the feeling of elation filling you up. You didn't necessarily want Bradley to feel that way, and you certainly didn't want anyone to get hurt. But if he was really distraught because of you, then maybe he really did care. Maybe he really did have a change of heart. 

"And that's not all," Molly added as you followed her out to your car. 

"It's not?" you whispered, heart pounding.

Molly shook her head. "I'm only telling you this, because I'm pretty sure Bobby is incapable of lying. But Bradley told him he's never felt this way before, and he's in it for the long haul, willing to keep trying to get you back. He said you and Everett are perfect."

You froze with your hand on your car door. "He told me that, too, Molly. Do you think I should give him a second chance?"

Your sister sighed and just kind of shrugged at you. "I love you, and I want you to be happy. Did he make you happy when he wasn't being a douche canoe?"

You closed your eyes and pictured him eating ice cream with Everett on his lap. You thought about how he still showed up to Career Day. You thought about sitting on the beach and having cheap burgers and expensive champagne with him. "He did," you whispered, your forehead coming to rest against your car.

"Mom, we'll be late!" Everett called through the closed door, and you lifted your head to look at Molly.

"Maybe let him try to prove that he means what he's saying now, and not what he said before?" Molly suggested. 

"Maybe," you agreed, opening your door. 

This time you parked a little closer to the Bronco, and when you spotted Bradley, he was already making his way over. 

"There's Coach Bradley," Everett announced, hopping out of the car before you even had your seatbelt off. You watched Everett run right for him without hesitation, knowing he'd be welcomed by a hug and a pat on the shoulder. Bradley turned Everett's Tiny Eagles cap around backward just like his, and you could see Everett talking a mile a minute. 

"You're staring longingly," Molly remarked. 

"I can't help it," you groaned. "I want to believe him. I don't want to have to tell Everett that we can't spend time with him anymore. And I want to go to the damn Phillies game tomorrow."

"Then go," Molly urged. "If he fucks up again, you can pull the plug with no remorse. A third chance is one too many, especially where Everett is concerned."

When you climbed out of the car and made your way toward Bradley, he tracked your every move. "Kitten."

You pressed your lips together. "Hi, Coach," you replied, and you found it impossible to keep emotion from your voice today. Bradley must have noticed it, too, because he took a stumbling step toward you while his hand was still on Everett's shoulder. 

"How are you?" he asked, and Molly breezed right past him in search of Bob. 

You shrugged and said, "Okay."

"Time to start warming up," Bradley told Everett, and then when your son was gone, he took another step closer to you. "I miss you a lot, Kitten. I've been miserable. The best parts of my week were Career Day and when I got to see you at practice on Thursday. And right now. This is probably the best part of my week."

He was wearing down your resolve with his words and his unshaved face and the exhausted look in his brown eyes. And the fact that this was probably the best part of your week as well was at the forefront of your mind. 

Bradley opened his mouth to say something else, but you could hear the umpire calling for the coaches. "You better go," you told him, but he didn't move.

He swallowed hard, brown eyes on yours and asked, "Can we talk more after the game? Walk up to your car again?" 

You were nodding before you even knew it, and a hint of a smile graced his lips as he turned toward the team.

-----------------------

When the Tiny Eagles managed to pull out another win, Bradley was happy. But when you let him walk you back to your car while Molly and Everett ran ahead of you, he was elated. Your fingers brushed against his, and Bradley was dying to take your hand in his. But then you moved further away from him.

He cleared his throat and adjusted his hat, beyond nervous about how you were going to respond to him. "I'll be at your house at noon tomorrow. That okay, Kitten?" You turned toward him with a puzzled look, and the afternoon sun made your eyes light up. 

"I thought the game started at four?" you asked softly. 

"It does. But there's something I wanted Ev to see at the ballpark before the game starts. If that's okay." Bradley was shocked when Jake managed to work his connections to get access to the locker room before the game. Bradley was also allowed to let Everett on the ballfield and pitcher's mound. Now if only you would agree to come, too.

You nibbled on your lip. "That should be fine. I'll have him ready to go at noon." Then you turned away from him and headed for your car, but Bradley reached out for your hand. And you didn't pull away.

"Are you coming too, Kitten? That ticket is yours. Like I told you from the beginning, I'd be happy sitting in any seat where I can see you."

Bradley watched your eyes flutter closed, and he pulled you a little closer by your hand. "Bradley, I don't know if it's a good idea."

"Me and you are a great idea. I didn't quite see it at first. Not the full picture anyway. But I do now."

Your voice was firm, but your eyes were soft as you said, "Everett and I are a package deal. You don't get me without him, and you don't get him without me."

"I understand, Kitten. You're a team. I'm dying to be on that team."

You sucked in a deep breath and said, "I'll see you at noon tomorrow." And then your hand was slipping from his grasp, and you were walking toward your car and pulling out of the parking space. And Bradley still didn't know if you'd be coming to the Phillies with him and Ev or not.

-------------------------

When Bradley pulled up to your house at ten minutes before noon the following day, he had finally reached the point where he would accept what you told him. If you said you didn't want him around any longer after he brought Everett home tonight, he'd let you move on. He'd figure out a way to enjoy the last few weeks of tee ball with Ev, but then he would just get used to missing both of you. At least that's what he kept telling himself. 

Everett was bounding out the door wearing a Phillies jersey and his backwards cap before Bradley had even reached the porch. "Bradley! We match!"

Bradley laughed and gave him a hug. "We sure do, kiddo. I'll bet we're the biggest Phillies fans in the whole city."

Everett's eyes went wide. "Yeah. You're probably right." Bradley was eyeing the front door cautiously while Everett asked if he knew who the starting pitchers were going to be. 

"I'm not sure, but they'll announce it before the game starts," Bradley muttered, but there was still no sign of you. "Where's your mom, Ev?"

But then there you were, casually strolling out onto your front porch in ripped jeans and a Phillies shirt. And Bradley took that as a very good sign. "Do you want me to drive? Since I have the booster seat for Ev?" you asked, walking down the front steps to join them.

Bradley was gaping at you. "You're coming?" Everett was beaming, looking back and forth between the two of you. 

"Yeah, I'm coming," you said softly. 

Relief washed over Bradley, and suddenly it felt like the perfect spring day. It felt like he was being given another chance. "I'm happy there won't be an empty seat."

You smiled softly at him. "So you want me to drive?"

Bradley shook his head and reached for your hand and Everett's. "I bought a booster seat and installed it. I can drive."

Your palm slid across his as you echoed him. "You bought a booster seat? For Everett?"

"Yeah," Bradley replied. "And now I'll have it ready for the next time we go somewhere?" He heard the soft sound you made as you watched Everett climb into the backseat, and then Bradley leaned in close, his lips brushing your cheek. "Please, Kitten, tell me there can be a next time?"

You turned a bit, and your lips met Bradley's so softly as you said, "I hope so." 

With longing in his heart, Bradley opened the door for you, and then he walked around to the driver's seat. After he started the Bronco and shifted into drive, he let his hand come to rest on the seat, and you took it in yours. 

"This is the best day ever!" Everett cheered from the backseat as Bradley headed for Petco Park and the Phillies, feeling better than he had in over a week.

--------------------------

Kitten is going to the Phillies game! Coach, do not fuck this up, my man! Thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls and @mak-32!

PART 15

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[mirrorball-leclerc]

the blue - part ten

series masterlist // previous

LAS VEGAS 2023

ameliaholland posted new stories

ivy is adjusting well to the travel life well. pov: you've just had a rundown by lando norris on how charles is slowly losing his mental stability. don't worry! he's fine! still mentally stable but on his last limb polite cat oscaroo strikes again! photo from this morning's travels

tom holland okay, you guys can't be mad at me..

max verstappen thomas i swear to god- logan sargeant if this spider-bitch says harrison tagged along, we are not responsible for yuki. tom holland okay, well, i guess i'll die.

yuki tsunoda YOUR SISTER CRIED ON STAGED BECAUSE OF HIM! AND YOU JUST BROUGHT HIM ALONG??

sam holland i told him not too but he said, and i quote, "he's my best friend. i can't just not bring him." lando norris YOU COULD NOT BRING HIM?

george russell he's going to get killed.

charles leclerc we won't be responsible for yuki or max.

max verstappen i can take him

zendaya there is too much testosterone here

amelia holland OH I HAVE A SOLUTION!

amelia holland added 4 people

lily muni he why?

amelia holland you try saying anything against the zendaya alexandra saint mleux valid. very valid.

george russell how did you get my girlfriend's number?

carmen mundt someone was very drunk after her show in london that he forgot i was with him

pierre gasly you fucking idiot

kika gomes said the idiot to the other idiot

pierre gasly how am i an idiot?

esteban ocon you tried to "out spider-man" tom last week when you were drunk. charles leclerc and you almost ran into oncoming traffic. daniel ricciardo if it weren't for me you'd be dead.

lily muni he why were we added?

alex albon TOM INVITED HARRISON TO VEGAS!

kika gomes well that's stupid.

alexandra saint mleux your sister cried because of him?

tom holland you don't get it! he was sad and i can't say no to him! he's my best friend! i will get him to apologize to amelia.

amelia holland i'm not talking to him. i have nothing to talk to him about.

oscar piastri he's a dickhead. he's never going to apologize.

lando norris oscar jack piastri, cursing? that's a new one. someone call sky sports!

logan sargeant you're talking about the guy who grew up with mark webber. he's said worse. trust me.

oscar piastri shut up?

harry holland YOU INVITED THE SECOND STRING LOSER?

kika gomes fitting name. lily muni he it's what she called him in a song. i guess it stuck. zendaya he deserves it

harry holland thomas, we are having words.

sam holland and i'm calling paddy.

tuwaine oh shit just got real.

ameliaholland vegas, baby!

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclaren

view all comments

landonorris when will i get a post for myself? i'm the best friend?

↳ ameliaholland when you finally get a race win...

↳ landonorris i hate you

username amelia holland, certified oscar piastri simp

tomholland2013 can't believe you ditched us to hang out with oscar

↳ ameliaholland can't believe you invited apple.

↳ lilymhe she's right thomas. how could you.

↳ maxverstappen1 can't believe spider-man would betray us this way

↳ charles_leclerc traitor

↳ yukitsunoda0511 liar.

↳ tomholland2013 I GET IT!

↳ ameliaholland but do you?

↳ francesca.cgomes clearly he doesn't.

username what on earth is happening in the comments?

username i don't know but they're all upset with tom

username amelia instagram is all just pictures of oscar

↳ username she's in love! let's leave her alone!

↳ username oh don't get me wrong. i love it. it's adorable

amelia holland max invited us out before free practice tomorrow and after the opening ceremony

tom holland I'M GAME!

zendaya sounds like fun.

sam holland count me in!

tuwaine a chance to party with the max verstappen and daniel ricciardo, count me in!

harry holland i'm in

harrison osterfield i don't think your friends like me very much

amelia holland they don't but max said to invite you anyways. something about water under the troll?

amelia holland i think he meant water under the bridge?

amelia holland pierre also said something about second string loser buying the first round of drinks.

harrison osterfield alright. i'll go

amelia holland you can leave if you feel uncomfortable at any point

harrison osterfield okay

ABU DHABI 2023

ameliaholland in honor of the end of the 2023 season, i give you one final photo dump.

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclaren, tomholland2013

view all comments

oscarpiastri 🧡🧡

↳ ameliaholland 🧡🧡

username mama y papa!!

charles_leclerc this is charles leclerc erasure!

↳ alex_albon i agree this is erasure of the most important people in her life!

↳ ameliawinters as opposed to my boyfriend and brother?

↳ georgerussell63 of course!

username i need to find someone who looks at me the way oscar looks at amelia.

lilymhe not enough amelia content. 3/10.

↳ ameliaholland i'm sorry love, i'll do better next time.

yukitsunoda0511 0/10 no yuki content. every photo dump must include a picture of me.

↳ ameliaholland apologizes yuki. i'll include one next time.

harrisonosterfield where is the cat's seatbelt??

↳ oscarpiastri she said she didn't need one.

↳ harrisonosterfield you're being a very irresponsible father mr.piastri

↳ oscarpiastri i am simply listening to what my daughter wants mr.osterfield

↳ username talk about a friendship i never saw coming

username and to think we started the season with single oscar and we're ending it with oscar dating THE amelia holland!!

username ivy lives a better life than me.

username they're giving high school sweethearts.

username your honor, i love them

taglist: @six-call @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozartss @dear-fifi @tygecjjd @cataf1 @nothaqks @caipng @nataliambc @formulaal @lichterfee @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @hobiismyhopeu @melissayalene @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @nichmeddar @namgification @anniemae299 @octopussesarecool @jensonsonlybutton @ragioniera @anytimeanywherebitch-blog @trouble-sistar @hwalllllllelujah

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! in case you couldn't tell, i don't how to end stories, so this is my attempt at one. i definitely didn't procrastinate this because i didn't want to be finished with this story. not at all. but stick around and wait for the bonus chapters because this story isn't quite over yet.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[littlestsheriff]

mama's little sheriff

paring: mama! cait x masc regressor! reader

summary: sometimes being a big boy just it doesn't work and caitlyn knows that

tags: agere, age regression, cg! caitlyn kiramman, regressor reader, comfort, comfort itens, boyre, boy regressor, sfw, fluffy, sheriff caitlyn, reader regressed around 2-4

autor notes: it's my first regressor reader fic in a while, i hope you like it :)) credits for lottiesboy and criblver for the style! if u want to check, i already have another fanfics on my wattpad :]

You knock on the door and enter carefully. Caitlyn is focused on talking to some enforcers, discussing some important information. But out of the corner of her eye, she notices you and signals for you to enter the room. You're visibly upset about something and she picks up on it. The conversation seems to go on forever, but she assures you that it's already over. Once the enforcers have left the room, she gets up from her chair and walks towards you.

"Darling, what's wrong? You seems a little upset. Is there something bothering you?"

Anxiety takes over your body, you can't respond except for a nervous glance at Caitlyn. She gently puts her hands on your face, trying to calm you down.

"It's alright sweetie. You can tell me what's upsetting you. Im here to help you, you know that, right?"- She says in her soft voice.

You hesitate, but Caitlyn's gentle gaze makes your heart calm and you nod.

"It's because... I failed. I'm sorry"- You say with a sad look in your face.

Her heart melts as she listens you. She gentle places her hand on your shoulder.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. Everyone make mistakes. We all fail sometimes. What happened, my darling boy?"

"I supposed to be a big boy now, but i can't even do that... I failed with you"- You try your best to not let yourself slip

Caitlyn's heart aches at your words. Her maternal instincts kick in seeing you so vulnerable and little. She pulls you into a hug, holding you close to her, feeling how little you are at the moment.

"Oh my love, don't say that. You've never failed to me, never. I know sometimes is too difficult to be a big boy, isn't it?"

You dont answer, just nods with a sad puppy face. Her heart aches even more, trying to sooth you, stroking your hair.

"It's okay, baby. You don't need to be big all the time. Sometimes you just need a little time"- She says with a tender gaze. "You're feeling small now, that's my priority. I can take a break and stay with you, okay darling?"

You feel the guilt sinking into your chest. Caitlyn would have to take time off work to look after you and that makes you feel guilty.

"But mam- Cait, im supposed to be a big boy"

Her heart aches as she listens to you, she gentle cups your face, caressing your cheek with her thumb.

"Shhh, baby. There's no supposed to be anything. You don't have to be big if you can't. Somtimes It's doesn't work and that's okay, alright? You don't have to force yourself to be big if you're feeling so little. Mama is always here for you, my love"

She pulls you into a embrace, gentle rocking you. And you two stay in that silent embrace, but it is cozy.

"Okay, baby boy, now let youserlf completely slip into your little headspace, alright? Mama's here to take care of you"

"But mama, and what if one of your enforcers see me regressed? I can't let myself slip here"

"Oh, i got it sweetheart. I understand why you're worried. But don't worry, no one will barge in or catch you in your little boy mode, i promise you. But even if they do, mama will handle it. I'll keep my kid safe"

Seeing your mama's confidence makes you feel better, less worried. You can't help but chuckle

"Using your sheriff power again mama, how naughty"

Caitlyn chuckles, her eyes sparkling with a hint of mischievousness

"You know me too well, right, baby boy? Of course I'll use my sheriff power if i've to. I'm not gonna let anyone mess with my kiddo, no metter where we are or who sees us. Mama's a sheriff, and also a Kiramman, no one can mess with her"- She gives a cheeky smile to you. "And we can lock the door, it will give us more privacity and you can be my adorable little boy. Mama will use her sheriff power and no one will disturb us"- She says, smiling to you.

She take some steps until the door and lock it, then back to you. Your eyes wander to your backpack near the couch, remembering what you brought with you.

"I brought something"

Caitlyn follows your gaze to the backpack near to the couch, and her curiosity is piqued.

"Oh, you brought something with you? What is inside the bag, my love? Show mama. I'm curious to see what you have"

You walk over to the backpack, pick it up and open it, revealing what's inside, some of your regression gear. Caitlyn takes some steps closer.

"Oh, my prince, you brought your gear with you? That's so sweet. You want to choose by yourself or do you want mama to pick for you?"- She says with her voice filled with affection.

You look to her with your puppy face and she knew you started to regress further.

"Mama choose"

She smiles gently and nods

"Of course, prince. Mama will pick for you. I know what my baby boy needs"

She glances through the itens, carefully considering each item. Then, she selects a blue pacifier and a puppy plush. Caitlyn gently lifts the paci between your lips, slipping it into your mouth. Then she hands the plush to you.

"Here you go, baby. All comfy now?"- She gentle asks, with a maternal tone.

You nod and she smiles to you. She sits on her chair and pats her lap, signaling to you come to her lap.

"Come here, baby boy!"

You runs to her and sits in her lap excited. She can't help but chuckle with your enthusiasm.

"Here you go, my little prince. Sitting right here where you belong, in mama's lap. Let me hold you for a moment, okay?"

You nod and rests your head on her chest and she begins to rock you gently. The time seems to stop when you're in Caitlyn's lap, being wrapped in her warmth like a blanket. Then, the paperwork on her desk catch your attention, seemed a very important document. She notices your glance at her paperwork.

"You curious about mama's paperwork? Let me show you"

Caitlyn picks the document on the desk and shows to you. She explain to you the importance of her work. Then, back the paper to the desk.

"So, darling, i need to finish them, but don't worry, i'll wold you all the time and you can be my little helper and keep me company, okay?"

"I'll be a sheriff like mama?"- You ask with your eyes shinning

She can't help but chuckle. She give a kiss on your forehead, filled with affection.

"Of course you'll. Now you are a little sheriff, mama's little sheriff. Can you be a good boy for mama and stay still for me? I promise it won't take long"

You nod with a smile behind your pacifier, Caitlyn smiles back to you and kiss the top of your head. She gently adjusts you on her lap, making sure you're comfortable. She also grabs a couple of documents in one hand, while gently runs her fingers through your hair with the other hand.

She starts working through her paperwork, her focus mostly on the documents in the desk. But that doesn't mean she didn't pay attention on you, she still keeps her other hand around you, occasionally giving head pats and caresses, or murmuring sweet words and praises.

You just relax in her arms, feeling her warmth and the material of her uniform. Having you against her brings the sense of comfort she needs to concentrate on the task. When the pile of document seems smaller, she lets out a satisfied sigh.

"Almost done, my little sheriff! You don't know how much I want to cuddle with you"- She says with her voice filled with affection.

Don't let too much to her finish all the paperwork, organizing the last pile of documents. She sighs in relief, relaxing in the chair. You give a smile to her as a praise for her work.

"Good job mama!"

Caitlyn's heart melts in affection, she gives a gentle kiss on your cheek.

"And good job for being a well-behaved little boy. Thanks for being so patient to mama, made everything easier for me focus and get my work done. You're the best little sheriff"

You look at her with your big puppy eyes.

"Now we can cuddle?"

"Of course, my darling! We can cuddle as long you want. You've deserve some cuddles for being a excellent good boy! Mama loves you so much"

She gently wraps her arms around you, rocking back and forth. Sometimes being a big boy is a hard task, but that's okay, because mama is always there to make things easier.

[shittyassffblog]

Free Bird

Noah Sebastian x Reader

I felt horny as shit and couldn't stop myself so here is some smut with Noah <3

Warnings: P in v sex, use of Y/N, best friend!noah, oral sex

Pt 2 here

"And you can take your lame ass excuses and shove them up your ass! We're done! Goodbye!" You hung up and threw your phone on your bed, emitting a loud, frustrated and high pitched groan. You heard your PC ping on your desk and you glanced at it to see what was going on. It was Discord that alerted you that you had a message.

noah: wanna come on?

You stared at it, kind of angry that he didn't anticipate that you had just broken up with your boyfriend, but the rational part of you spoke louder and decided to just tell him you weren't in the mood.

you: naw, bad day. talk to u later tho <3

He was already typing so you sat in your chair and waited for his reply.

noah: at least call me and tell me what happened, maybe I can make your day better?

You bit your lip as you considered his offer. He was your best friend since you met at the Hot Topic you used to work at. He was just a tall, lanky emo buying A Day To Remember merch and you instantly had a connection with him. Since then, you started being friends and talking to each other every day. It's been 10 years now and you meant the world to each other. You had supported him through everything when it came to Bad Omens and you were so proud of how far he and the boys have come. So given how close you were you decided to just call him.

You put on your headset and glanced in the mirror beside your desk to see if it was noticeable that you'd been crying and decided that it wasn't. Not even five seconds passed after you pressed the "video call" button and he picked up.

"Hey sweets, what's up? Wanna talk about your bad day?" Noah asked and you sighed. You didn't even know where to start.

"Me and Chase broke up." You said shortly and Noah was silent for a while.

"Oh. Are you okay?" He asked in a low voice. Noah never liked your boyfriend and you knew that. You were half expecting him to clap in enjoyment.

"Not really. I was kind of expecting you to congratulate me." You said, still not looking at him.

"Why would I do that? You don't seem like this was a happy choice." He said.

"I broke up with him. But he cheated." You said and a tear fell down your cheek.

"God he's such a dick. But good for you that you left him. That doesn't mean that you're not allowed to be upset by it though." Noah said and you looked at him with tearful eyes. You were about to answer him when you heard a loud noise coming from him.

"Alright that's it, I'm coming over." He said, slamming his fist in his table.

"But it's 11 pm?" You said, almost as a question.

"Yeah well my best friend is sad over her shitty ex boyfriend, you don't think that warrants me coming over with pizza and booze? C'mon, what kind of a friend would I be? I'll be there soon. Love you!" He said and hung up before you could answer You sighed as the silence settled in your room and you looked around. You noticed Noahs hoodie hanging on your lamp and you decided to put it on. You walked into your bathroom to access the damage of your tears and found that it wasn't too bad. You wiped away a few stray tears with your sleeve and walked into your living room, seeing a few of your ex' stuff lying around. You grabbed a box from you last amazon shipment and filled it with everything you could find, including the stupid Five Finger Death Punch t-shirt he had given you, thinking you'd like it. As if. He didn't even know the bands you listened to.

Amid your rage cleaning, you heard the doorbell ring and you stopped as you dropped a shoe into the box. You looked at it and the memories of your past relationship came flooding back, as did your tears. You went to let Noah in and he immediately went to hug you.

"I'm so sorry you're going through this." He said and kissed the top of your head as the hood of his hoodie fell down. You cried into his chest and he rubbed his hand along your arm.

After a while he lead you to the couch and set down the pizza and beer bottle he had picked up for you on the coffee table.

"Wanna tell me what happened? How did you find out?" Noah asked, separating from you to wipe away your tears.

"She fucking DM'ed me. The girl he was with, her name was Emily or something. She had slept with him and then found him on Facebook to find that it said he was in a relationship and decided to tell me about it and apologised. Of course i don't blame her, she didn't know. But man, it just felt like a knife in my gut." You said, sniffing. Noah grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and handed it to you to help you blow your nose.

"Then did you call him?" Noah asked, taking the pizza out of the bag so you could use the bag as a trash can your your snotty paper.

"Yeah and I spent like 20 minutes yelling at him. He tried saying something like she was lying or something but she had sent me screenshots of him asking to pick her up or something." You finished and Noah sighed, pulling you in for another hug.

"He's isn't worth your tears c'mon. You're far too good of a catch to let a guy like that ruin you." Noah said and you smiled up at him. The doorbell rung again and you looked at Noah quizzically. He got up and opened the door for you. It was Chase. You felt your whole body stiffen.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Noah said, immediately tensing his body. Chase only laughed when he saw Noah, and then looked over at you.

"Really Y/N? Not even an hour later and you're already on to the next one? Knew I couldn't trust you, fucking bitch." He said and before you could answer, Noah had pushed Chase out the door.

"Yeah you don't get to make accusations you know nothing about. I think you should leave." Noah said, his words and tone calm but his body ready for whatever Chase could come up with.

"I knew there was more to this...thing, you and her call a friendship, so much for the bro code huh?" Chase said, trying to upset Noah.

"Don't think for a second I think of you as a bro. Not for one damn second. It is very easy to treat a woman right without expecting something in return and you couldn't even do that so leave." Noah said, pushing Chase once more. You couldn't do much but watch as everything happened. You were frozen.

"You're just gonna sit there looking stupid? What's wrong with you bitch, say something!" Chase yelled, charging forward towards you but was stopped in his tracks as Noah grabbed a handfull of his hair and dragged him outside. You ran to the door to see what was going on and Noah forced Chase down on the ground, got down on one knee and grabbed his throat.

"You leave her alone. Got it?" Chase nodded weakly and as soon as Noah let go and stood up, he ran as fast as he could. Noah walked quickly into the living room, grabbed the box of Chase's things and threw them after him.

"Don't think about coming back." He yelled and watched as Chase pathetically picked his stuff up from the ground. Noah walked back to you, taking a deep breath to calm down and grabbed your face.

"Are you okay? Did he always talk to you like that?" He asked calmly and you nodded.

"He has anger issues." You said meekly and Noah wrapped you in his arms.

"Let's devour that pizza now, shall we?" Noah asked and you smiled at him as you nodded.

"Didn't know you were that strong though." You said, trying to lighten the mood.

"I may or may not have been working out while I was on tour." He said flexing his arms playfully. You laughed as you sat down to enjoy the pizza.

--

A few days passed and you were doing surprisingly well. Noah was practicing for the next leg of the tour and you were setting up dating profiles. You decided that you needed a palate cleanser to get rid of the "chase cooties" as Noah called it when he suggested you try it. You were apprehensive at first but ultimately decided it was a good idea.

You were in your kitchen waiting for your leftovers to heat up in the microwave as you were swiping on tinder. No one really captured your eye except this one guy with a dragon tattooed on his neck. His name was Steven and he was not far from you. You decided to swipe on him, and not long after your microwave dinged so you locked your phone and went to eat it. As you sat by your counter and ate your food, a notification came up that Steven had matched with you. Not long after he sent you a message.

Steven: Hey, nice tats. Wanna grab a drink this week?

You stared at the message. No emojis. He had two pictures on his profile, but it linked to his instagram. You looked through and he seemed real enough so you said yes to the drink.

You planned to meet the following friday and you texted Noah to let him know where you'd be in case something happened.

Noah: go get em tiger! get ur dick wet!

You laughed at his message and sent a gif saying 'disgustang'.

Friday came and you were getting dressed for your date. You put on some dark red lipstick and a low cut top Chase never allowed you to wear and headed out the door. You felt very liberated that you could make your own choices again and happily waited for Steven a few blocks away from your apartment.

Not long after a black sports car Xoomed up to your and packed right in front of you. A very attractive man with a dragon on his neck emerged from the car.

"Y/N?" He asked and you nodded. He walked around the car and grabbed your hand to kiss it. "Pleasure to meet you, gorgeous." he said and you blushed.

"Likewise." You said and he smiled while opening the car door for you.

Not long after you arrived at the bar and he ordered you a drink and a beer for himself. You talked for a while and had a genuinely good conversation. You went to the bathroom and texted Noah an update and he sent a sports gif of a tiger mascot. You laughed and put your phone in your pocket, ready to get out the guy again.

When you came back, Steven started asking you some personal questions. At first you didn't think much of it, but the question got more and more sexual and you were feeling quite uncomfortable. When you answers got more and more short and cold he started berating you, asking why you were such a prude and generally being a dick to you.

"Do you think you just get free drinks and then that's it? No no, you gotta do something for me too sweetheart." He said and you picked up your phone, texting Noah to come get you.

"You don't seem like a very nice person." You said, finishing your drink and locking eyes with the bartender. He nodded at you, meaning he would keep an eye on you.

"I'm very nice, trust me, but only to nice girls, not gold diggers like you." He bit back and you put on your jacket. You didn't answer him, only stared at him.

"What you're just not gonna say anything?" He asked and you still didn't answer. The bartender came over.

"Hey so I think you should leave now." Said the bartender and Steve looked up at him like he was dumb.

"You can't kick me out, I didn't do anything." He said, rolling his eyes and looking back at you.

"Yes we can , we have the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason. So leave." He said back and you started to feel scared of what Steven would do.

"Let me speak to your manager." said Steven and the bartender agreed. Steven got up and went to the bar, and while he was arguing with the bar manager you slipped out, waiting for Noah. Just as you got outside, he pulled up and you got into the car,

"Hey sweets, how was it?" Noah teased and you rolled your eyes.

"Horrible, he was a giant dick." You said, grabbing the water bottle Noah brought for you. You took a giant gulp of it.

"What do you mean?" Noah asked as he drove you home.

"He was just horrible, I don't really wanna talk about it. " You said, and he nodded, respecting your privacy, You would talk about it when you wanted to.

"Don't let this one guy deter you from online dating though. It can be really fun you know." Noah said and you scoffed.

"Yeah for guys maybe." You said coldly and Noah glanced at you. He knew you didn't mean anything by it.

"Wanna elaborate?" He asked and you sighed.

"Well it's just, for guys it's fine, you can just order women to do what you want and if they don't want to it's on to the next one and then you put your dick in them and then that's that. For women it's like, if I reject this guy, will I be dead by the time the sun comes up?" You said huffing. Noah nodded in understanding.

"I mean I know that's a real fear that women have and that sucks a lot, but there must be a space where you can have fun too right?" He asked carefully. He didn't want to seem like he wasn't empathetic to your pain, but he still wanted to help you get over your ex.

"Yeah with a person you trust sure. But online dating is a rapists wet dream." you said. "And even then, sex isn't even worth that much."

Noah looked at you quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I just never felt that big climax that people talk about. I guess my orgasms aren't very intense when I have sex." You said and Noah looked questioningly at you while still keeping an eye on the road.

"Well what about when you're alone?" He asked and you looked at him. Might as well be honest now, you thought.

"Yeah then I feel great, but when I'm with someone it's like it's just there a little, then it gets kind of good but then they're done." You said shrugging your shoulders. Noah let out a noise you had never heard before.

"You never had anyone give you an orgasm?" Noah asked incredulously.

"Well I don't know. Maybe?" You said. "I've only ever been with Chase." You said. And Noahs eyes were bigger than you've ever seen them before. You were arriving at your house and he put the car in park.

"What about when he ate you out?" Noah asked, genuinely curious.

"Chase thought it was gross. Don't you?" You asked, turning your body a little. He looked at you like you were crazy.

"What?" You asked.

"I love eating pussy, it's my favourite passtime!" He said and you laughed.

"What do you mean? Does it even taste good?" You asked and he nodded wildly

"Yeah I mean it depends a lot but generally yeah I like the taste." Noah said.

"Well, Chase never liked it so we didn't do it." You said, crossing your legs. Noah chuckled a little.

"He really was a little bitch huh. You deserve someone who loves eating your pussy." He said, grabbing your leg, like he'd done many times before, but this time it was different. This time his hand shot electricity up your thigh, making you squirm a little in your seat.

"Would...Would you show me?" You asked and his grip on your thigh tightened. You glanced a little at him and you could see his jaw tightened.

"I uh..I don't know if that's a good idea Y/N." He said and you looked at him properly. He wouldn't meet your eyes, but his hand stayed where it was.

"C'mon Noah. I've clearly missed out on a lot. Show me." You asked, getting closer to him. You didn't know where all this confidence came from, or why you wanted your best friends mouth on you so bad, but you did. He turned to look at you, but his eyes were trained on your lips. He let out a shaky breath and let go of your leg. You leaned back, afraid you had upset him or made him uncomfortable, but he was taking off his seat belt.

"I'll show you. But just this once, I don't wanna ruin our friendship. And we don't mention it to anyone." He said and you grinned, unbuckling your own seat belt and got out of his car. You already felt yourself getting excited.

"Wow you are really horny huh?" Noah said as he locked the car, holding out his arm to wrap it around your shoulder as he walked you inside. You unlocked the door and led him to your bedroom.

As you closed the door, he sat himself on the bed. You sat beside him and a kind of awkward silence fell between you. You felt like you kind of sobered up by the reality of what you had asked your best friend to do.

"If this is gonna ruin our friendship we could just forget it or something." You said, not meeting Noah eye. He looked at you for a moment not answering.

"We could also just agree to not let it ruin our friendship. This is a one time thing, to show you what you should expect from guys that you date in the future, and to get to know each other better." Noah said, and you were surprised he seemed to have thought this through.

"That doesn't sound too bad." You said, looking down at your hands. He reached over and held one of them, squeezing it to make you look at him.

"I love you, Y/N. I want to keep being friends so this will just be two people having fun for a night and then never doing it again, right?" He asked with a sweet smile and you nodded. He smiled a little wider and before you knew it, he was leaning in, closing his eyes in the process.

"Woah what are you doing?" You said, pulling away. He opened his eyes and looked at you quizzically.

"Well I need to turn you on before we begin, only way I know how to do that is to kiss you first, is that okay?" He asked softly. When he said it, it makes sense. But no one ever did this with you. Cared for your pleasure like this. It was different.

"Y-yeah, that's umm...that's okay." You stuttered out, and he smiled again, this time moving closer to you and lightly grabbing your chin with his thumb og index finger. You let yourself relax and Noah do what he wanted to. He seemed to know best. When his lips touched yours it was light and soft, yet had passion. Like he wanted something you didn't know to give him, and it was his job to pull it from you. You kissed back, and before you knew it, his tongue was in your mouth. You had thought about kissing Noah before, but this was way different than what you had imagined. Good different, but different.

His hand on your chin fell to your neck, tracing down your arm and landed itself on your waist. He pulled, as if to get you to move closer. Already this was way better than what you had experienced before, Noah clearly knew what he was doing. You wondered where he had learned it, but decided to not ask. This was too nice.

A soft moan fell from his lips and you were brought back from your train of thought. His lips left yours and for a second you thought about whining, but when his lips attached to your jaw, right below your ear and then your neck, that whine quickly turned into a moan.

"Sensitive on your neck?" He asked and you let out a breathy sound that was supposed to be a laugh. He went right back to kissing your neck, teeth getting involved sometimes and the moans that were falling from your lips were fewer between.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Noah asked and you nodded. He smiled and grabbed the hem of your shirt, lifting it up over your head. "It's a shame though." He said, eyeing up your chest.

"What is?" You asked, kind og dazedly.

"Taking your shirt off. You looked really good in it. Why don't you ever dress like that for me?" He asked smirking while laying you down on your back, leaning over you.

"Well I don't make it a habit of sleeping with my best friend." You said smiling slightly.

"You should, he's enjoying it so far." He joked and you laughed while he kissed you between your breasts. "Can I take off your bra too?" He asked, looking up at you. His voice was low, which only made this all the more enticing. You nodded slowly, laying your head back to try and think of something else besides your best friend looking at your tits. You lifted your back little so he could fit his arm under it and unclasp your bra. He slowly guided the straps down your arms, a soft groan emitting from his lips.

"Goddamn, if I knew you were hiding these under your baggy hoodies we would have done this a long time ago." Noah said, and you laughed a little.

"Yeah cause when we met at 14 my tits were definitely this size, right." You joked, but your sentence ended with a gasp as his lips closed around one nipple while his hand massaged the other. He was soft about it all, like licking a soft serve ice cream. It caused you to mewl, which Chase could never have done to you. It was like Noah knew how to handle your body, without ever asking you.

"Kinda wanna think about your adult tits right now if you don't mind?" He said as he shifted to the other nipple. You chuckled at that and let him do his thing. He moved on to your stomach and when he reached the edge of your pant he stopped and looked up at you yet again asking, "Is this okay? can I take your pants off?" You nodded and lifted your ass, his slender, tattooed fingers grasping the edge of your pants and pulling them down, kissing just above the edge of your underwear.

"These too?" He asked and you laughed a little.

"You gonna ask every time you do something new?" You asked and he stopped what he was doing to look at you.

"Yes, how else do I know what I have consent for?" He asked.

"That is the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me ever." You said and he laughed.

"You gotta raise your standards babe." He said, going back to kissing the lower part of your stomach. "You gonna answer my question?" He asked, running his hands up and down your legs.

"I forgot what the question was." You said truthfully. He laughed as he rested his head again your hip.

"I asked if I could take off your underwear too." He said, and your heart started beating faster.

"Uh yeah. Yeah that's okay." You said. The seriousness of the situation was starting to settle in and you were kind of nervous. When he pulled off your underwear it would be crossing a line that has never been crossed before and it couldn't ever be uncrossed again. Noah could sense your hesitation so he stopped.

"If you wanna stop, tell me. It's no fun if you're not having fun." He said and you knew he meant it.

"No it's okay I'm just kind of nervous." You admitted and he came back up to your face.

"Hey. It's just me. It'll be okay." He said smiling and you smiled back, taking in a deep breath as he lowered his body again, kissing along your body as he did so. He grabbed the hem of your underwear and pulled them down. You were worried he would be repulsed by then smell of you, but when you looked down at him all you could see was hunger in his eyes. It made you feel better to know that he didn't care about the smell, so you tried to relax in his presence.

He kissed the inside of your thigh, grabbing them both and pushing up so you bend your knees. You felt very exposed, and you wished he would just get on with it.

"So pretty baby. Can't wait to taste you." He said and it made your stomach soar. Did he really not find it gross?

"You know, you don't have to do this either, like if it's too gross for you or something." You said, biting your lip. You wanted him to continue, but you understood if he didn't want to.

"I don't wanna stop. And nothing about this perfect pussy could be gross." He said, kissing up your other thigh. You took a deep breath and let him do as he pleased.

He kissed your pussy as if he was knocking for entrance, and spread your legs further. He then started at your clit, licking small, tentative licks as to not overwhelm you. When you sighed in pleasure he took that as a sign he could continue, and let his tongue wander down to your entrance and licked into you.

"Oh my god." You said, already it felt better than it has with anyone else. It seemed to urge Noah to go further, so he licked a big broad stripe up your pussy and you hummed.

"Oh Noah it feels so good." You said lowly and he smiled. A devilish smile, one that you felt was too cocky for his own good but you were struggling to care. He pleasured you with such patience, the tight feeling in your stomach building and building and you almost thought he was a magician, as fast as he was getting you worked up.

What you didn't expect was the finger that was circling your opening before entering you gently.

"Holy fuck, Noah." You said and he hummed a soft 'hmm?' as if asking what was the issue.

"Oh you make me feel so good Noah." You said and his finger slid into you further and further, stopping and then curling, reaching a spot inside you that made your whole body writhe. He was rubbing the spot, not letting one movement of his finger go without touching it.

"What the fuck Noah?" You asked, sitting half up as you grabbed his hair to keep yourself grounded. He detached himself from your pussy and smiled up at you.

"That feel good baby?" He asked, his eyelids hanging low on his eyes. You could do nothing but nod as the movements of his fingers didn't halt for even a second while he took at good look at you. He went back to your clit, this time sucking on it gently and making your hips buck up into his face. It only seemed to spur him on, as his movements sped up. You felt a familiar feeling coming and you tangled your fingers in Noah’s hair, pulling when he hit a particularly nice spot inside you.

“Noah, I’m so close.” You warned, and he sped up yet again, only he stopped sucking your clit and instead look at you through heavy eyelids, right into yours. You were a moaning mess, not being able to control it anymore as you came on his fingers, yelling his name out. He helped you through your orgasm and when you were panting for air he slowly pulled his finger out of you and made sure you saw him lick it clean. You couldn’t believe what just happened, your best friend just gave you the orgasm of your life.

“How in the hell did you do that?” You asked him, still not being able to catch your breath.

“Well practice makes perfect I guess” he said laughing. You laughed with him and he came up to lay beside you. A silence fell between you, but it wasn’t awkward. You were still coming down from your high and you noticed Noah shifting a little, seeming restless.

“You okay over there?” You asked and he looked at you with a little blush on his face.

“Well, I told you I love eating pussy” he said chuckling slightly as he readjusted himself in his shorts You considered your options. You could leave the room, pretend you had to pee and let him do his thing. Or…

“You want help with that?” You asked, turning to him. He looked at you, searching your eyes for any sort of insincerity, but he couldn’t find any. He nodded slowly and you smiled, reaching hesitantly over to kiss his lips. You tasted yourself on him, and you couldn’t imagine what Chase would have against the taste, it was not bad at all. You were taken by surprise when Noah wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on top of him, deepening the kiss.

“You are wearing far too many clothes.” You said between kisses and he hummed a sound of agreement. You pulled off his hoodie and went right back to kissing him, hungry for him in a way you never were for anyone else. He grabbed two handfuls of your ass, not caring if his grip left bruises on it, grinding you down onto the bulge in his shorts. It made you moan into his mouth, giving him an opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth. You grinded on him as your tongues pushed against each other, revelling in this new feeling with each other. It felt liberating, to not care where the line was or how far it was crossed.

"How do you wanna do this? Hm?" Noah asked, and you were confused by what he meant.

"What?" Was all you could muster out, being out of breath.

"Do you wanna have sex?" Noah asked directly this time and you thought about it for only a second before nodding wildly. He smiled at that and rolled you around, getting up from the bed to undress fully. You could not contain your stare, and you wanted to touch yourself so bad. He had clearly been working out on tour, his once lanky frame was replaced by the lean muscles of his arms, his legs were carved like a god and the tattoos definitely only made it better.

"Touch yourself for me." Noah said which brought you back to reality.

"What?" You asked, wondering if you had heard him correctly. He couldn't possibly mean that, right?

"If you're comfortable, then touch yourself for me. Want to see you pleasure yourself." He said as he pulled off his underwear. You didn't dare look, afraid it would make him uncomfortable so you looked at the ceiling as your hand travelled from your stomach down to your core. You ran your fingers along your clit in a circular motion and you felt the bed dip as he came to lay beside you.

"You're such a good girl Y/N. You really are. Look at you, doing exactly what I told you. Such a good girl." Noah whispered in your ear and it only made your fingers speed up.

"You have a condom sweetheart?" He asked and you pointed towards the nightstand you had by your bed. He turned around to grab one, and while we was distracted you took at look at his member and let out a moan you didn't mean to let out. He was big, bigger than Chase and you could barely imagine it would fit. You fingers stilled as your gaze was caught on his thick cock.

"What's wrong sweets?" Noah asked, rubbing his thumb along your thigh.

"Oh nothing uhh, nothing." You said, smiling at him. He could tell it wasn't nothing though.

"Hey, you can tell me, do you want to stop?" He asked, and you shook your head furiously.

"No! No no, I'm just, nervous I guess." You admitted, looking down. He turned to hug you and kissed your forehead.

"Nothing to be nervous about baby, it's just me." He said smiling.

"Will it fit though?" You asked sheepishly and his eyes shot to yours. You worried you had said something wrong.

"That is the hottest shit i've ever heard." He said, kissing your lips. You smiled into the kiss, your hands grabbing his face and letting the kiss overtake you. He rolled on top of you, slotting himself in between your legs, groping your body and worshipping the softness of your skin. He started grinding against your heat, pulling moans from your lips.

"God Noah, please do something." You whined and he smiled mischievously, kissing you one last time before sitting back on his knees and stroking his cock a few times before running it up and down your slit. This you knew how to do. This was familiar terretory. Or so you thought. He pushed into you slowly, relishing in the tightness of your pussy, and when he bottomed out, he let out a long groan, burying his face in your neck. You had never felt so cared for and filled to the brim with pleasure before. You were overwhelmed with emotion and felt tears spring to you eyes.

"You just tell me when I can move- hey are you okay?" Noah immediately changed demeanour when he saw your wet eyes.

"No yeah I'm good, really, I just...uhm I don't know why." You admitted and he smoothed down your hair to comfort you.

"Do you want to stop?" He asked and you shook your head, smiling at him.

"No it's okay, you can move. I promise I'm fine!" You assured him as he looked at you questioningly. He didn't seem convinced.

"I promise I'm fine Noah, I'm just a bit overwhelmed, no one ever took care of me like this before." You said, avoiding his eyes. He kissed your cheek.

"Okay, but you have to tell me if I have to stop okay? Can you promise that?" He asked, trying to catch your eyes. You nodded, and he smiled a comforting smile as he kissed your neck again.

"You can move." You said, and he pulled almost all the way out, only to slide right back in, in the same excruciatingly slow pace. You wrapped your legs around his lower back, boring your heels into him, desperate to have him fuck you senseless.

"Noah, please, c'mon." You plead and he chuckled.

"Tell me what you want baby." He murmured in your ear, his pace still as slow.

"Please fuck me Noah." You asked, looking him directly in the eyes. He looked back, and before long his hips picked up speed, pounding into you as you threw your head back in pleasure.

"Oh Noah!" You moaned, not caring how loud you were. If your neighbours heard, you'd hear about it in the morning. The sound of your moans only spurred Noah on, his thrusts relentless and his breath fast.

"Fuck Y/N. Fuck we're definitely doing this again." He said and you laughed breathlessly as you dug your nails into is back. He moved slightly and with that he started hitting a spot that felt incredible many times, over and over, eliciting screams from your throat.

"Holy fuck Noah, shit shit shit, fuck, oh fuck." You rambled and Noah kept up his thrusts, moving his hips back and forth. You could feel the feeling come back, the incredibly intense feeling in your core building and building, and before long your nails dragged along his back as you screamed out his name. Your pussy clenched around him and you couldn't hold back even if you tried. Your orgasm overflowed and wouldn't stop, you legs shaking as the intense waves of pleasure washed over you. Noah kept thrusting into you through your orgasm, and when you opened your eyes again he turned you around so he was under you.

"You okay?" He asked breathlessly and you nodded lazily.

"Yeah just...intense." You said smiling. "Did you..?" You asked.

"No not yet." He said smiling. "Are you okay to continue?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm okay." You said, moving your hips slowly. He grabbed your ass, holding onto you tight and lifting you a little and started pounding into you even more relentlessly. You could barely think straight as he used your pussy until he came into the condom, deep groan escaping his throat. His hips slowed down and he let you go, burying his now softening cock into you as he caught his breath.

"Holy shit Noah." You said out of breath ad he laughed.

"Was that okay?" He asked and you nodded, kissing him. You didn't know when would be the last time you got to kiss him like this again so you decided to enjoy as much as you could. He grabbed the base of the condom and told you to get off and you did. He removed the condom and wrapped it in some tissues you had on your nightstand, as well as wiping his dick. When he was done he looked over at you and smiled. You smiled back and you wrapped yourselves in each others arms, enjoying the bubble you two had created that no one could penetrate.

The morning after woke up alone, your clothes on the floor and a feeling of complete satisfaction, yet complete loneliness.

[messrsrarchives]

i don't want to take up too much space or add negativity here by talking about it, but i do want to touch upon it.

this fandom is difficult. it's difficult in a way it never should have been, and it is nearly impossible to engage with it interactively in a way that doesn't cause you any harm.

and i think the thing i've been coming to terms with recently, is that i can't engage with it how i have been without causing harm in a general sense - especially over on tiktok.

there's a kind of complacency at the moment. complacency in fandom etiquette yes, but the main thing is JKR, and the complacency people have fallen into when it comes to her. when it comes to the tours, the merch, the REBOOT. there's a complacency.

and it's reached a point where,,, there isn't much to do about it.

because my account there has always been talkative - i started talking over there purely to talk about my thoughts and share my interests, and it gradually became more educational. which was fine when it started, but it's not anymore. it's not when it's no longer fun for me, and when it's turned from talking about fandom to defending my place in it. to educating people on why my life matters more than official HP content.

and most discourse? i'll talk about purely because i find it interesting, and then i'll move along. but i can't move along from the reboot and general jkr stuff because i'm trans outside of fandom as well as in it.

i can talk about how it feels to be trans in this fandom right now, and then i turn my phone off, and there's bills to pay. there's increasingly high hrt prices, there's routine blood tests that the nhs won't do for my heart condition, there's a road in my town i can't walk through because someone pulled a knife on me, there's law after law after law being debated, funded, and approved, there's opportunities i've been denied and necessities i've been denied because of my identity.

and i can't turn that off.

and it gets harder to separate the two. it gets harder to separate fandom and real life when i'm coming to a place that should be a form of escapism and hearing people talk about supporting JKR, so i counteract that and explain why we shouldn't, and then i'm directly impacted once the app is closed. i can't turn that off, and i can't feel right engaging in it.

and i think that's the sad thing. i know @sophsicle did a post on this recently, but once fandom and real life start mixing, it's so much harder to engage here because we are responsible. and i can't ethically (or healthily for myself) post about this fandom on tiktok when it's to blame for the complacency we're seeing. and it is to blame. it's the comments on fancasts videos, it's the promoting of jkr's universe in random comment sections just because people "look like" the marauders, it's the reposting of the reboot or official hp pages when they talk about marauders and it's so much more and it's just,,,, impossible.

and i sound like a broken record because for MONTHS i have been talking about this. for months i have been talking about the harm this will cause and a couple of months ago i said that if things don't start changing, you're going to see creators taking steps back.

and i think the most upsetting part, is that i explain this. i explain how important this space has been for my stability and my confidence, how it has been the biggest part of my life and i don't feel comfortable anymore and,,, the majority of the messages so far are "what's going to happen to the fic rec sheet?" "should i download all the fics on your account?" "what about xyz?" etc etc

and it's just,,, content over individual. whether that's the reboot over trans people, or videos over the person, it's always content.

idk man. i don't want this to be too negative but this space needs to work on its support. it needs to stand stronger against jkr, and it needs to stop calling itself inclusive in the meantime i think.

this has been overly negative but fandom isn't. a solid 90% of my time on tiktok has been lovely. i made 18k new friends, gained so much confidence (this is the only time i've ever been able to overcome my stammer and speech impediment and that's everything), raised 7.7k for my top surgery and just,,, it's overwhelmingly positive.

my bubble is good. and the space i have crafted is safe and lovely.

but i don't feel right posting on there anymore. not when wider fandom is a big part of why JKR is suddenly back in the picture, and we can "separate her from the reboot" (we can't).

this is very long so i'll end it with this:

it does not alleviate your guilt to engage with her in a "marauders way". if anything, it is worse to do that and post about it when this space prides itself on inclusivity.

you are not reclaiming this space, you are making it harder for those at risk to engage.

and you need to take "fuck jkr" out of your bio until your actions match your words, regardless of who is casted in a reboot that shouldn't be happening in the first place.

[genderqueerdykes]

apologies if this is not the place to do so, but I need to talk about being biracial. I deal with a sort of anti-whiteness where I feel genuinely disgusting for not being just black. I feel like a traitor to the black community for having white heritage too and have thought about darkening my skin to hide the traces of a part of me I wish wasn't there. It's like. A sort of racial dysphoria and I don't feel like an adequate black person. It gets really distressing sometimes when I remember my skintone is caused by partial whiteness. Have you ever dealt with this too? I know it isn't an experience unique to me to feel not POC 'enough', but it gets so intense for me that I resent the people responsible for my birth.

i do get where you're coming from, and this is an okay thing to vent about

the unfortunate thing about being mixed race is that there will be people on both sides that will be upset with you- you will encounter white folk who find you too black, and black folk who find you too white. colorism is a big problem and comes from both ends of the spectrum. unfortunately, for whatever reason, interracial relationships and biracial children can really set people off and it's not exclusive to white people. i have unfortunately seen other black folk absolutely tear into mixed black people, especially if they're light skinned. i think what happens is folks start seeing you as a white person masquerading as something you're not, when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

one of my friends for the longest time was white and afro-latino (honduran), and his own family and friends would tell him that he was basically only a white person, despite the fact that his skin was light brown, he had an afro, black facial features, and a black dad who had no white relatives. he himself literally told me that he viewed himself as entirely white because he wasn't "black enough". i felt so sad and angry for him but i didn't know how to word it at the time. i wanted him to be able to be proud of all of the parts of himself, but instead, literally his own friends and family were berating him telling him he wasn't black enough to be proud of that part of himself. every time he told me that he was "too white" to consider himself black, i just wanted to cry. he used to ask me to massage his scalp and help trim his hair. i remember how beautiful his afro was, he took very good care of his hair. he had so much to be proud of and people guilted him out of it.

i feel this as well, i have a hard time wanting to consider myself a person of color at all because folks focus so hard on skin tone. the thing is, when people are biracial, they can look like ANY possible combination of traits from their parents and relatives. sometimes, an interracial black and white couple will have children that look entirely black or entirely white. my neighbor is an older white woman whose current partner is black, and they have a black son. if i didn't know she was white, i wouldve assumed her son had 2 black parents. he doesn't look mixed in the slightest

i have more white in me than i do black, as my father was also mixed, so its hard for me to speak with confidence about this part of myself without feeling like i'll be judged, especially considering that i have not been in the same room as my father in over a decade, and before that, i was not allowed to see him for years due to my parents having a nasty divorce. it took until i was going through a photo album at my sister's house that i saw my dad again for the first time in years and realized he was not white. when i had asked my mom if my dad was black as a child, she told me no and that he "just has a white guy afro".

i went through a lot of gaslighting about being mixed, and i still do. people focus only on my skin tone, and especially how light my face is. it makes me super hesitant to speak about this part of myself, even though i've met other extremely light skinned mixed people. another friend of mine is mixed white/Mexican and he was even more pale than me. he was constantly profiled as just white, but when he would go home at night, his Mexican mother only spoke spanish to him, and he spoke it back just fine. whenever people looked at him they assumed he was 100% white and it really opened my eyes to how diverse mixed people can and do look.

sorry for such a long response, but i just wanted to say that i feel you. it's hard. there's pressure on all sides. there will be white people and black people alike that will feel like you're a "traitor", as if you controlled the people who made you. you had no hand in who gave life to you- these are factors beyond your control, and you don't deserve to feel like an outcast and like you're doing something wrong

you can't control your genetics, nor can you predict what genetics someone has just by looking at them. i'm sorry youve been made to feel this way, but i hope it gets easier for you. i know it's tough to feel like an outcast or a bother on all sides. you shouldn't have to feel like you're stepping on someone's toes just because you were born mixed. you deserve to live a life where you are proud of who you are. i hope things get a bit easier for you soon

[saramelaniemoon]

♡ previous ♡ ♡ next ♡

Eddie has always been the agreedable one in his previous relationships.

This afternoon you showed up in the trailer with the cake like every Saturday. The day before, Eddie had been wondering what you were going to bake this time. Maybe a chocolate chip brownie or cheesecake or those little cinnamon cookies? All your pastries were delicious. However, when you took the cake out of the container, he froze.

Carrot cake. A cake made of carrots. The worst vegetable the world has ever seen. If it were human, it would be Jason Carver. Eddie was sure that the carrot was responsible for at least half of the evil in this world. Once, in his dream, it chased him with a roll of newspaper, beating him like a bug.

He knew it was a good boyfriend test day. You tried very hard baking that cake, mentioning that Eddie wasn't getting enough vitamins, which was obviously not true because he was getting all the vitamins he needed from the tomato sauce on the pizza. However, telling you about his distaste for this devil vegetable would make you sad, so he bravely decided to eat this carrot-tainted cake. Hardening a smile to his face, he ate mouthful after mouthful, praising your baking. Your smile only widened. In his imagination, Eddie was like a knight with a sword protecting you from all the sorrows of the world. He was going to eat even another piece for you. Well, maybe next time. After eating a large portion, he thanked you and you both went to his room to watch the horror movie Steve had recommended for you.

***

He never complained about anything and agreed to everything, which is why he didn't understand how your first quarrel happened. It all started when you came back from the kitchen with two cans of soda.

- Eddie bear, why was Wayne surprised you ate the carrot cake I made?

- I don't know what the old man meant sweetheart.

- He said you blame carrots for all the evil in this world.

- It's a dramatic exaggeration.

- And that's why it sounds like something you said. Babe, why didn't you just tell me you don't like it?

- I don't understand why you're mad. I didn't mean to upset you.

- Eddie, you don't have to pretend that everything suits you. I won't be mad that you don't like something I made. I'll be mad that you're forcing yourself to eat it because of me. Promise me you won't make me happy at your expense ever again.

- I cannot promise you that darling. I'd even eat peas for you. And peas are not vegetables but plants from hell.

- Eddie...

- Okay, I promise if I don't like something, I won't force myself to eat it. But what about the rest of the cake?

- Don't worry, I saw Wayne took care of that.

- Not surprised. This man would eat anything after his shift.

- Hey! It wasn't that bad! But you'll be okay with beetroot cake, right? - you tested him.

- Sweetheart, we need to discuss your making vegetable cakes problem - Eddie said starting to tickle you.

***

The next week, you surprised him with a giant carrot-shaped brownie that didn't have any veggies in it. Better to eat such vegetables than none at all.

♡ next ♡

*traumatized Eddie boy after waking up from being chased by carrot*

[lemoncrushh]

This is why I haven't been writing...

This got long, but I had to say it.

The lack of feedback has always been something writers struggle with, at least in the ten years I've been on tumblr. It's nothing new. But it feels like instead of improving, it's gotten even worse.

Years ago, I had a long-time mutual bash me for complaining about it, calling me entitled. I was upset about it then, but here's the thing...I am entitled. And so is every other writer on here. We are all entitled to a little feedback and interaction. That's what we're here for.

I understand the drought we're in without any new Harry content. But I would think that would bring even more readers. Instead, it's crickets. There are a handful of popular writers on here who constantly receive asks and get interaction, and I am in no way saying they don't deserve it. They absolutely do. But the rest of us do too.

Writing fanfiction is not a job. We do this shit for free. But it's still as time-consuming as a real job. And to only get likes with very few random reblogs here and there is very disheartening. We are content creators. I understand tumblr may not be like other apps and websites, but it's still content. And likes here mean nothing. It's not like on tikok or instagram where the algorithm somehow keeps track of likes. On tumblr it doesn't mean shit. Your like is not going to make my post show up on someone else's dash. The only way to get content shared on this app is to actually SHARE IT. That's what the reblog button is for.

Imagine how a content creator on any other platform would feel if they got no feedback. If nobody was interacting with them, they would probably get their feelings hurt and eventually pack it in. That is now I feel now. Tbh, I can't believe I've been here this long. If this were a job or a relationship, and I was telling someone else about how long I've been doing this with little to no reciprocation...they would shake their heads at me and tell me I was a fucking fool and I needed to get out of this situation.

Am I getting on my high horse? Damn right I am. I have been biting my tongue for far too long. I have made so many excuses over the years...that fic was too personal and didn't appeal to the mass audience, that fic was an AU and not everyone likes AUs, that fic was too long and most tumblr readers don't read chaptered fics, that fic had such-and-such trope that readers don't like, there are too many writers here now, nobody reads that kind of fic anymore they only want smut, that fic was too smutty, you're just too old and nobody likes you anymore...yes I've told myself all of it. And maybe I'll never really know why you guys don't like my fics or why you won't interact with me. All I know is I'm sick of trying.

I had - and actually still HAVE - loads of ideas for Harry fics. I am honestly so sad that I may never write them. But I just can't bring myself to get motivated and excited to write something when nobody gives a damn.

This definitely turned into a rant, but it's how I feel. I used to really like it on here, but that joy is long gone. Things really changed after the pandemic, and the newer fans don't seem to use tumblr the way we used to - and the older fans like me have mostly left or only pop in sporadically when something happens.

I was never here for likes. I'm bored just scrolling through pictures. Fandom to me was all about interaction and about finding people who loved the thing you loved. Nobody here gives a shit anymore.

I love Harry Styles. And tbh I still love fanfiction. I'm not deleting my blog because I deleted my heart-attack-harry one I'd had for years back in 2021, and I regretted it. This one will remain. And I'll still pop in now and then to read. But my heart is just not in the writing anymore.

Court

[ohtransarchon]

August has been rough

Almost 6 months post-op now and I've moved back home with my parents and my mental health has rotted again!!

It's been really rough though. I don't really know how to explain the problem. I've been feeling bad about transitioning and that's a scary thought. I'll be honest I'm scared of fully vocalizing these thoughts, as if saying them out would make it real.

There are many possibilities for these thoughts though, I could be feeling bad because I'm regressing because of moving back home, I have done this before I got surgery back in 2022, I would constantly question whether or not I wanted to reaaallly do it even though I kept thinking about it. And now it's the same except I have actually done it and my brain is just freaking out-

It could also be me struggling with the irreversible part of it, which is a personal flaw of mine. I find myself needing to have a way back even if I never find use for it. Like holding on to receipts of things I want "just in case I suddenly don't want it"

or it could be me somehow pre-mourning a possibility (extreme overthinking on my part), my brain is upset that if I were to get implants they wouldn't be my boobs anymore, like my insides are forever gone so my brain is just prematurely sad for a complete hypothetical scenario.

Some people on Reddit told me that it's quite normal for people who have had any kind of surgery to feel kinda like shit 6 months and below after their surgery because your brain is trying to get used to the change, which is something I was aware of but- when you're in it you just become so blind fyi-

Recently though it does seem like maybe my previous identity might not fit anymore :) Sort of like, I used to have a more masc leaning identity to compensate for my body and now that my body is more aligned to me it's kind of like now there's too much masculinity in my life- and I need to get in touch with my femininity more now. I've heard that happen to other queer people as well!

When you transition you might find yourself changing again because your body isn't restricting you as much as it used to.

Transitioning can be freeing but also scary at times. There's a lot going on aaaall the time !!