#i know some of u are sideblogs but i have no idea how that works...maybe im just tagging into the void....where no one will hear me...lolol

[froggiewrites]

hi I had another idea for a request! dealer’s choice on the character(s) (but if you’re stuck for an idea maybe law?), but maybe the reader gets hurt in a fight and their (slightly in denial about being in love) future love interest nurses them back to health? can be fluff or smut or whatever you want I’m not picky I just love seeing your words

thank you I still love your work please keep it up

This request is from @toadmakes, on anon since it's her sideblog! I thought this idea was so sweet, so I just made a really fluffy, self indulgent little piece. Also, I let Law be cool last time I wrote about him so of course I had to make him a flustered little nerd in this one. I hope you enjoy it!!

A Helping Hand

Pairing: Law x Reader

SFW

Summary: You get hurt protecting Law, and he's not pleased. Warnings: Fluff, Lots of Banter, Very Little Hurt/Lots of Comfort Word Count: 1.3k

You don’t remember throwing yourself in front of Law, or being carried back to the Tang. You don’t remember the screams of your friends, or the shaking hands that so carefully bandaged you back up. But that’s alright, because they were all too eager to tell you how stupid you had been once you came to.

“–disgustingly irresponsible! Not to mention unnecessary! What good reason could there possibly have been to do that?” Law is the most furious you’ve ever heard him, and you fear it may be because he’s the most scared you’ve ever heard him. You don’t know how close of a call it was, but you know you hurt all over, and his eyes are shining with something someone who didn’t know better might confuse with tears.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt.” You try not to say it like an excuse or a plea. It’s simply fact.

His eyes shoot away from yours. You swear you see a hint of red on his cheeks, but just as quickly as you notice it, it’s gone. He clicks his tongue with displeasure before continuing. “I wasn’t going to get hurt. I could have very easily moved out of the way. You–” he sighs. “Don’t do anything like that again.”

“Well I don’t think I’ll be doing it anytime soon.” You try to give him a wry grin, but it turns more into a grimace as you shift, pain shooting through you. You’re covered head to toe in bandages, every part of you sore and bruised. You’re surprised you’re upright and conscious right now, honestly. “Can I get some painkillers?”

“You’re on enough to take down a horse.”

“But it still hurts.” You pout, and he grits his teeth and looks away from you again.

“Yeah. Almost dying tends to do that.” Even with the gruffness in his voice and face, his hands are gentle as they begin to fuss with your bandages, checking over every inch of you to ensure you’ve been properly taken care of. You could swear he hesitates slightly at checking the bandages around your thighs and chest, but he perserveres, ever the professional. You wince a few times when his hands brush a particularly tender spot, yelping when he makes slight contact with your ribs. He fiddles with the IV in your arm, and you feel a flood of relaxation and relief hit you. Looks like he found a reason to give you more painkillers after all. “You’re going to be out of commission for a long while, y’know.”

“How long?”

“At least six weeks, but probably longer.”

“What?”

“That’s nothing compared to what it could be. You have a couple broken ribs, not to mention all of the cuts and bruises. You’re lucky your organs weren’t crushed.”

“Can’t you like…shambles it away?”

“No.” His voice is flat. You look at him with wide, pleading eyes, and he scoffs at you. “Well, more like I won’t.”

“Why not?”

“If I just fix it you’ll run off and do it again, and next time you might not be so lucky.”

“Oh…so you’re just worried about me?” You giggle, filled with warmth at the idea. And maybe the pain meds. “You could just say so.”

“That’s not–” he lets out a soft choked sound when he realizes there’s no way to deny it without insisting he doesn’t care about you. As grumpy as he can be sometimes, he would never say something so unkind. Not to you. “Shut up.”

“Hey Captain?” You feel your tongue loosening with things you would never say, but you’re too out of it to stop yourself.

“Yes?”

“Do you like me?”

There’s definitely a flush to his cheeks now. “What?”

“I think you like me. A lot.”

“I–No!”

“You don’t like me?” Your voice cracks a little, tears coming far too quickly. Whatever he gave you is powerful stuff.

“That’s not–I–agh!” He roughly runs his fingers through his hair, desperately avoiding eye contact with you. “I like you. As a crewmate.”

You puff your cheeks out a bit with displeasure. “That’s all?”

“That’s all.” 

“I’ll believe you if you look at me.”

“I am looking at you.”

“You’re looking at the headboard over my shoulder, Captain.”

His eyes flick to yours, and he turns an even more brilliant shade of scarlet. “I li–” His shoulders tense and he suddenly shoots up and turns away from you. “I can’t believe I’m arguing with you about this. You’re high off your ass. I bet you won’t even remember this when you wake up tomorrow.” You can see the tips of his ears burning as he gathers his things and prepares to leave.

“You’re gonna abandon me?”

“I have work to do!”

“I’m a patient, I am work!”

His voice is rising with frustration. “You’re already set up, what else is there to do?”

“I don’t know, Captain, I’m not the doctor here!” You try to raise your arm to reach out to him, only to let out a soft whine when you can barely move it.

“Please stop trying to use your broken bones.” He comes closer to gently hold your arm down, concern clear.

“It doesn’t feel broken.”

“It will soon.”

“You’re gonna let me hurt? On purpose? You’re so mean to me, Captain.”

He sighs. His thumb starts rubbing small circles onto your hand, though he doesn’t seem conscious of the action. “If I fix you up, do you promise not to do anything like that again?”

“No.”

The affectionate movements stop. “What?”

“I can’t promise that. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m strong, I can take a little pain.”

“But I don’t want you to.” You know you sound petulant and childish, but you can’t stop yourself. “I don’t want you to hurt at all, I don’t care if you can handle it. You shouldn’t have to.”

“So you should?”

“Yes.”

“That’s stupid.”

You huff. “You’re stupid.”

He can’t help but break into a rare laugh, a chuckle that rumbles through him and makes your heart skip a beat. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s lost himself until he looks up to see you staring at him, eyes wide and cheeks red, mouth slightly agape. “What?”

“I really like you, Captain.”

He grows horribly flustered, but for once he doesn’t pull away from you. He keeps looking you in the eye, even as every part of him screams to run and avoid his embarrassment. “You do?” His tone is heart-wrenchingly hopeful.

“I do. So, so much. You’re the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world.” You can feel your smile grow dopey and lovesick. “I’d take a million hits for you. A billion, even.”

“What if it’d make me happier if you didn’t take any hits at all?”

“Then I would say you shouldn’t have let me join your crew. Getting hit is part of the job. But that’s okay. You’re worth it.” You lean forward, begging him for a single touch, since you currently can’t lift your arms. You can feel your eyes drooping, but you fight to keep them open long enough to receive what you want.

He sighs, but you can see the affectionate smile creeping onto his face. “You’re insufferable,” he mutters, resting a hand against your cheek so tenderly you could weep. “Get some rest. I’ll fix you up in the morning.”

You hum as he uses his palm to gently push you back down, his other hand on your shoulders to recline you slightly. You’re fading fast, finally losing your fight with sleep, but before you go, you swear you feel the ghost of his lips against your forehead.

Tag List: @pandora-writes-one-piece

[liesmyth]

fic writer questions

tagged by @liamlawsonlesbian MWAH ily <3333 I was tagged over at my rpf sideblog but I started doing this and realised how pan-fandom my account is :D

how many works do you have on AO3?

158 fics on my profile, stats page tells me it's 195 including anoned fics. sounds about right

what's your total ao3 word count?

slightly over 1 mil (1.030 mil apparently)

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

older ones in big fandoms. I killed a clown. AMA! & no sense of living without aim (IT Movies); some new beginning & good old-fashioned lover boy (Good Omens); Once More, with Feeling (Ted Lasso) <- ok this one is from last year and the fandom isn't that huge, I just got lucky with post timing.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I DO I love comments!! I think people taking some time to let you know they liked something is amazing. I want to reply to that and also feed more comments

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering I have written character death a few times... I think my angstiest fic is probably my Ted Lasso big bang entry, one more time around, not so much because of the ending but because of the emotional beats. It's an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU with all that entails (memory loss) & there's an open ending that could be read as hopeful!!! but I still think the flashback scenes are #angst

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

OHHHH. Good question. I'm not a pure fluff person but I like happy endings. Probably my some of my "fix it" stuff, like well I rose, and I rose (Captive Prince, Theomedes lives); and (I think) the kids are in trouble (IT movies)

do you write crossovers?

Not often, I feel like it requires a lot of skill to make work. I've written two short crossovers I really like: The Art of Survival (ASOIAF & The Inheritance Cycle) and my body on the waves (The Old Guard & Pirates of the Caribbean)

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Throwback to the time I got twitter cancelled for writing age difference selfcest and someone left me this fuckass essay after they attacked me somewhere more public (cringe) and I said I would respond to concrit if they had it. I will always think with pride about the line "Another positive is to recognize that you are indeed a good writer. That's partly a negative because without that I probably would not have read on. Morbid curiosity can only take you so far and it's easier to dismiss something that's been poorly written." <- thank u hater <3

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I write lots of emotionally horny smut that often doubles as character study (not only bc I have literary ambitions in my smut just because I think it's hot). I only rate a fic E when the smut is detailed enough that I think "somebody could potentially get off reading this". Otherwise it's M.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Many of my fics were written as exchange gifts to somebody else so I hope it never happens.

have you ever had a fic translated?

yessssss <3 I have a blanket permission to translate / remix / podfic so knock yourself out

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not YET but I workshop so many fic ideas with friends. One day maybe.

what's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, probably Vegeta/Bulma from DBZ. My het ship blueprint.

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Some of my old Captive Prince drafts, probably. And no sense of living without aim, my IT Eddie/Richie fic... I got so much fandom drama that year that I could never finish the last chapter. But my heart didn't want to put it on this list so maybe there's hope yet.

what are your writing strengths?

I think I'm very good at setting up emotional beats and making character voices feel distinct, both dialogue and POV

what are your writing weaknesses?

Action :/

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it's cool if it's used in a way where it enriches the story. The reader should be able to understand what it means from context, without needing an in-text translation, and if you're using a limited POV the character should be able to understand at least some words in the language <- those are pet peeves of mine

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

First fic I ever wrote was Eragon (Paolini) when I was in middle school to show to my friend. First fic I ever posted was also Eragon on FFN. First fic I posted on AO3 I believe was ASOIAF or maybe the Vampire Diaries.

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

As I was tagged on this from Roman Holiday Chalex AU Jo Liamlawsonlesbian on the RPF sideblog. Chalex. In terms of fandom probably.... well.... BTVS / spuffy. Also this one time an anon on FFA named me among the authors they'd have liked to see writing Oasis RPF. I've been thinking about it

what's your favourite fic you've written?

It depends! I have SO many children. Some faves in my most recent fandoms: my voice in your head (F1 RPF rule 63 femslash); as lost as lost can be (Ted Lasso, Roy & Isaac); After Me, the Flood & at the last trumpet (Locked Tomb, Ianthe/Augustine /& John fic & Reverend Parents doing child assassination fic)

no-pressure tags: @antspaul @theriverbeyond @saiditallbefore @vegasgrandprix @sionisjaune

[spacenintendogs]

Sorry for the ask. My brain craves HTTYD-based interaction and the shadowban on my sideblog won’t be lifted for at least a month.

I think the first movie is so special in comparison to everything else. Not only because of Hiccup and Toothless, but because of the dragon riders. They all act so different — like Snotlout is sort of like the leader, Astrid gets along with the twins over the idea of getting a scar in training.

They all just seem to be pretending to be something to all fit in with one another (except, maybe, the twins? Maybe?) and I think one of the main reasons they reject Hiccup is not only because he’s a complete clutz (two left feet, that’s why he lost one) but also because he, too, is pretending… just not well enough. (This mostly goes for Astrid and Snotlout and a bit for the twins, arguably the only one nice to Hiccup is Fishlegs but he’s also pretending to hate dragons, so… I guess this also applies to him.) (I suppose the only one who ever never really dropped the act was Snotlout, which would be why he’s suddenly put in the underdog’s position in the group, even if it’s mostly just seen in the TV shows.)

(Plus, it’s the only one I haven’t got on DVD and I only rewatched it today when it was on TV exclusively for that minute long scene of Snotlout taming Hookfang because I couldn’t find a clip of it on YouTube. Really says a lot about me.)

Yeah. I just think the group dynamics in the first movie are very special. It (from dynamics and atmosphere) just feels so different to the rest of the franchise, including the other two films.

hi! sorry for taking so long! i'm not used to being asked for questions abt this kind of stuff!! i'm usually the one doing the asking or i lurk a bit akdjsjdks

but no u have points abt the dynamics between the gang in the first movie. smth i noticed while rewatching it with some friends is in the beginning when snotlout is making fun of hiccup for messing up the raid through his wrecklessness (tee hee), snotlout after he gets shoved down by gobber, gets back up, and laughs, and looks to astrid. she was also smiling at him, as was fishlegs, as he & the twins made fun of & laughed at hiccup. and then they all just. move on & snotlout deflates

this tiny little smile says SOOOOOO much <3

smth tho i noticed u said is that snotlout is kind of the leader, however the film has astrid be at the center & front of the gang or them all looking to her or making sure she is the one they listen to bc she is the leader of the gang. she's THE ideal model viking bc she has to be. snotlout is the most vocal & the second best by far in training, & similar to how he is in the shows & other films he's pushing himself towards the front when he can to get the attention of others & be taken seriously or to be seen as another model viking (like impressing astrid)

there's an intimacy abt astrid & the gang in the first movie that just hasn't fully shown in the other two films or even the shows with tiny details of them fiddling in the background or even the foreground of a scene when someone else is talking & u see them interact. the great hall when tuffnut is playing with his knife before saying "wait? you mean READ?" astrid is amused by him playing with the knife.

but what you said abt them all pretending: they are. fishlegs is still seen as weird but he's friends & in with the gang. he loves dragon knowledge & knowing abt them, but it's for the art of the kill instead of simply knowing them as creatures. the twins love destruction but with all the talk of being on a team & working together with other vikings they bicker more with each other & end up not getting as far bc they get focused on their own shenanigans. snotlout is trying to show astrid he's the model viking & be a flirty teenage boy at the same time lmao. astrid is the one who changes first when everyone saw her as the most steadfast in her ways. The Viking Way™️.

snotlout in the shows becoming the "underdog" is bc he's not astrid, who learned & changed herself but now is such a tryhard she applies herself to the fullest extent in the opposite direction (i love her). fishlegs can actually enjoy dragons & learn abt them without having to fight them (he's the most skittish of the gang), the twins now have direct ways to blow things up & do their shenanigans (after also having learned to work in a team!!!) without worry of there being a war against the dragons (now just other ppl but ppl can't breathe fire... right? lmao). hiccup is the newest edition of the group, the circle, & now he's just?? the leader. they look to him now after snotlout did everything to get astrid & others attention. astrid is by hiccup's side 100% now & bites back at snotlout when she didn't before. snotlout has changed & loves hookfang, he loves dragons, but he doesn't want to change the Viking Way™️ he's known & tries to force the Old Ways™️ and New Ways™️ together in a way that moreso clashes. he wants to still be at the top but forces instead of working to his advantage. his jealousy of hiccup grows to a point where he's basically self destructing in acting out & causes (unintentional) harm to others but then brushes off the consequences of his actions. & then he learns. he's slower to the take, similar to the adults, but he's also got it more quickly than they ever could. he just hasn't stopped pretending like the other kids.

smth i love abt the first film is the explanation as to why the gang all have american/canadian accents (bc of jay baruchel lmao) vs the scottish accents of the adults. to show the generational difference. they are different from the adults & a very clear distinction is made by the accents of their voices. you can almost say hiccup having the most jarring of everyone's voice (so nasally & distinct) ties in with hiccup being the leader. he commands attention but not in the way that's expected. even "the more viking-like teens" (as gobber refers to them) have distinct voices & even if they're acting how the village expects.

it's not rlly them, is it? not fully at least.

guess sometimes you need a little guidance, & it can come from the most unexpected places. maybe someone who's been in a leader position can give you a little extra push

& even if you're afraid & don't adjust to the change 100%, you can start coming out of your shell & stop pretending. some stop pretending easier than others, & some ppl are stuck in a lot of their ways. but they still feel they can relax abt smth & stop pretending abt that.

it makes everyone happier, right? :)

[soojungdx]

hello! 💞

hiiii everyone! sorry for the delay – if you didn't see ms soojung's pinned post, i am not new, this is carly (jaeyong and miyoung's mun). if jaeyong is my worst boy and problematic fave, soojung is my worst girl whom i hate. she's an entirely new muse to me and i'm looking forward to seeing the chaos she causes and how she develops! she's a sideblog, so i won't be following anyone from her account! but her about page is here. please give this post a like if you want to plot with her and i'll fly to u asap 💗 i know i owe a bunch of replies and i will also get to those asap, i have been having a rough go of it lately alksdfjalsdf BUT! i will do the usual ramble about her under the cut and offer some plot ideas too 🙏 thank u for reading in advance!!

ABOUT SOOJUNG

born to two a tier enhanced agents – they were among the first generation introduced to the public

they did not keep her out of the spotlight. she will tell you she has been a superstar since she was born. or something

naturally everyone expected her (and her older sister) to follow in their parents' footsteps

her relationship with her parents is Fine and they are fine people but they were fairly absent because of their jobs

also were/are filthy rich

this left soojung to mainly make nannies' lives a living hell

despite being social and attending events with her parents (when allowed) she was actually a very lonely child

the nanny that she didn't manage to scare away wasn't the most affectionate and she and her sister are kind of opposites and fought a lot

her reflection manipulation manifested when she was nine and looking for a way to entertain herself. making things out of reflections was fun for a while but eventually got old

she ended up spending a lot of time online when she wasn't out socializing and failing to make many deep friendships (she was a troll and catfish tbh)

she did not care about following in her parents' footsteps but they still made her apply for pinnacle every year. and they signed her up for heroes of tomorrow academy

she hated it. too much work!!! she didn't care!!

her older sister got into pinnacle at 19 and was very dedicated, very heroic, very cool

one day when soojung was home alone with her parents, two assassins broke into their home

they were prepared to block her parents powers but didn't expect soojung to be there, so they couldn't control her

her ability to create portals through mirrors manifested then, and she and her parents escaped that way

they moved to x palace apartments after that, for the higher security if nothing else

soojung became a Little more dedicated to improving her abilities after that, just so she could protect her parents better if something like that happened again

eventually she got bored and started slacking again though

she also started streaming herself playing video games, and her charisma manipulation manifested to help her gain her own lil following

or big following. jjangame is pretty big online now, due almost entirely to her parents' rep and the charisma manipulation, because she is awful at games and has a terrible personality. but good for her

she was both relieved and scared when it was her final year to apply to pinnacle. on one hand, fucking finally, she could just stream full time, but also what would people think if she DIDN'T become an enhanced agent???

she got in despite being underqualified #nepotism

she hates pinnacle she hates training and school but she hates the idea of being irrelevant even more so she puts up with it

but still streams whenever she can!

personality-wise she is just a little brat. bitch. asshole. fake!!! so fake nice but actually incredibly mean and selfish she dgaf about anyone but herself and maybe her parents and MAYBE her sister

but she is still beloved by the public both due to the image she projects and her charisma manip, NOT her actual personality

she is terrified to do anything socially significant without her charisma manipulation, but it's only her minor ability, so it tires her out when she uses it. so she takes lots of naps and people probably think she has chronic fatigue. fine with her

PLOT IDEAS

i'm ngl i had some but i forget a lot of them bc it's been so long aslkdjfajlksdf let's see

fans of ame (her streamer persona)

alternatively, haters. she does not know how to deal with being hated, especially by people she hasn't personally wronged

people she's personally wronged <3 i'm sure she's thrown plenty of friends under the bus and stabbed plenty of people in the back over the years

pinnacle and heroes of tomorrow classmates!

i WOULD like her to develop genuine relationships with depth but she doesn't know how to do that KLSDFKLSDF so patient people to put up with her and actually be a good friend to her...it will be sad because she will probably treat them like shit but

she has a corgi named winston and is obsessed with him but doesn't walk him because she's prissy. they have a dogwalker. so winston's dogwalker!

or soojung has to walk winston herself one day and you're like why is this girl walking a corgi in stilettos and acrylic nails and a diamond necklace. wait a second she didn't pick up that dog's poop!!! evil!!

she's probably the type to get in a bunch of shallow romantic relationships because she loves attention. she's bi so both the guys and the gals are acceptable for this though i think she's mostly been with boys

i get the vibe that One relationship or crush fucked her up A Little Bit but i do not know details.....Perhaps We Can Find Out...might need a girl for this one though 👁️ lots to unpack here...

people she plays games with. you could be featured on her stream! or at least your voice over discord could

ok i truly believe i'll be better at brainstorming for her so i'll leave it off here 🫡

[goalsyoudontake]

Get to know me

I was tagged by @mikathemad tysm 🩷

Do you make your bed?

No, but I live with my parents and my dad is obsessed with the beds being done so he just do it, and then he's like "you are welcome" and I'm like "I literally don't want this".

Favourite number?

It's 22, both because it's my birthday and because of Diego Milito 🖤💙

What's your job?

I'm a student. My mum used to own a bookstore so I worked there sometimes (no pay) and then sometimes as book fairs too, but not right now. Sometimes I translate stuff as a job.

If you could go back to school, would you?

I mean. I'm studying a master's degree, so I guess the answer is yes. But am I enjoying it? Not really 😅

Can you parallel park?

I don't know how to drive but I'm taking lessons soon, so I guess I'm learning soon too 🤷🏽‍♀️ I hopefully I'll learn to parallel park.

Do you think aliens are real?

Do I think there's life in this vast universe? Absolutely. Do I think they are hanging here on earth??? Absolutely not 😅

Can you drive a manual car?

Refer back to the parallel park answer. And I'm not actually learning to drive manual, so NO.

Guilty pleasure?

🤔 maybe dating shows, I mean I enjoy them, but a bit guiltily.

Tattoos?

I don't have any, but I would love to, I already have ideas and everything. My parents hate them so it makes my life difficult. Also I have one tattoo artist near me that I like and her schedule is always full.

Favourite colour?

Probably pink.

Favourite type of music?

I like like rock, pop, folk and any mix of those including country. But I also like other types of music, it's just what I gravitate more towards because I grew up listening to it.

Do you like puzzles?

My mum loves them so I have done some with her, I wouldn't on my own.

Any phobias?

I have a few things I'm scared of idk if I would say they are fully phobias, maybe bats, also motts and in very specific situations heights but not always (more when I'm alone idk).

Favourite childhood sport?

Football (soccer), I used to like swimming because I like water but only did it for a short period of time. I really liked to watch ice skating and gymnastics when I was a child.

Do you talk to yourself?

Not out loud. But yea I talk to myself inside my head like nonstop yapping. Lol.

Tea or coffee?

I like tea and like sweet coffee or not too strong coffee.

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

Maybe a veterinarian, because I always loved animals, but then learnt that I don't like to see them suffer and that was a no go.

What movies do you adore?

Letterbox four favourite movies!!! The lion king (1995), The Holiday, maybe Midnight in Paris (but problematic) and LOTR (if pressed I would say The Two Towers, but like I love the 3 movies).

I'm tagging @huccimermaidshirts (sideblog tag for u!), @barkovsasha @rattkachuk @my-fall-from-grace @jiminy-crickets @narrativesbrainrot and anyone else who might want to answer these.

[magicaldreamfox1]

hiiiii that's me again about your choose your character gifset that is just amazing, like again looking at it, i just- WOW that had to be A LOT of work, and it's great 👀 but what i'm especially curious is that effect in the first gif with the moving cursor selecting characters and them getting highlighted (tbh looking at it with less sleepy brain i probably get some idea of what's happening here but still) 👁️👄👁️

hi hi!!! thank u sm it really was a lot of work akhkdkd

so for reference i'll explain how i made this gif

from this gifset

tutorial under the cut!

okay so!!!

i'm gonna explain it in as much detail as possible so anyone can try and follow it! (also maybe this isn't the easiest way to do it but this is just how i did it)

the cursor

for the cursor i used keyframes! everything i know abt that i learned from this tutorial (feel free to follow my sideblog @dreamyslibrary where i store my giffing resources) but since that is abt panning entire gifs i'll explain anyways

so u're gonna get a little cursor picture and place it on ur gif wherever u want ur starting point to be. then u move the playhead (the blue thingy on the timeline. i didn't know what it was called either until 30 seconds ago) to wherever in the gif u want to start ur motion

when u click on the little arrow to the left of the name of the group u get this. once u've positioned ur playhead where u want ur motion starting point to be u'll click on the little stopwatch next to transform

now u have an active keyframe. which just means that it has saved the cursor's current position as the starting point. then u can move the playhead to the point where u want ur motion to be done, then u'll move ur object (in my case the cursor) to its end point in the gif. photoshop will automatically create a second keyframe for the end point.

u can move the keyframes around on the timeline to adjust if u want!

important note: photoshop won't follow the movement u do, it'll save the starting point and the end point and move ur object between them in a straight line in the time frame between the two keyframes. from what i've gathered at least

so this is what i ended up with in my gif:

the first movement goes up to arm, then there's a pause and then the second movement goes down to macau and pause again!

now!

the highlighting

so behind all the small gifs is a white rectangle (no stroke, fill 15%) lined up with the top of the gifs and longer so it peeks out at the bottom. for everyone except arm and macau i added an outer glow to the rectangles here are my settings for that:

now for arm and macau i did this:

going from the bottom the first layer is a white rectangle like i described before but without an outer glow. the second one is another rectangle with the fill on 0% and an outer glow with a fadeout that starts once the cursor touches macau

transition effects like fade-ins and -outs can be found at the little square next to the scissors. i would show a screenshot of that little screen but it won't let me. u click on ur effect and then drag it onto ur object on the timeline. a fade at the beginning is a fade-in, at the end it's a fade-out. u can adjust the length of the effect when u click on it and then just drag it around like u would with any other object

the third layer is the same as the second one but with a white outer glow:

this is what i looks like for arm:

so there is a black outer glow which then fades out while the white outer glow fades in, as the cursor moves off it fades out again and the black outer glow fades in again

could you just fade the white outer glow in and out over the black one? maybe but i didn't do that

i hope this makes sense? if not feel free to send me another ask or dm me 🫶

[miitopias]

would also like ur thoughts on everything i will listen to u talk abt video games always LOL but 6 9 12 22 28!

thank uu and likewise 🫶🫶 will not answer everything bc thts so many but also i feel like ive covered a lot of these topics before on my sideblog but! i will answer these for u 🫰

6. A series you’ve enjoyed since your early days of gaming and still enjoy to this day whether it still has games coming out or is one you return to pokemon and rhythm heaven :') ❤️ from these series ive only played platinum and rhds as a kid, so as an adult ive been enjoying their other titles.. though i do not rly care for 3d pokemon titles.. but with time that may change. and wait technically final fantasy, bc i had the ff4 ds cartridge as a kid. except it was in japanese and i had no idea how to play it and did fuck all. i didnt even realize it was final fantasy until years later when i played ff7, and i recognized the running from battle animation. and now i have final fantasy brainrot <3

9. A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved ff9 and ghost trick 😎 im so happy i played these without any spoilers or any idea what to expect, bc i really think thats the best way to experience them

12. A character you particularly like in the game you’re currently playing YRP girlies 😎😎😎 idk when ill ever finish x-2 cuz this ps3 is kinda busted, but despite their kinda cringe dialogue i still love yuna and the girlies

22. A game ending that’s really stuck with you FF9....... i think u saw my insanity firsthand when i did not shut up about it for like 8 months 😭 it really changed my life bc it was ff9 that really made me get more serious w literary analysis of games and medias in general, bc i just wanted to understand everything abt this story. majora's mask similarly changed my life and was the reason i made a sideblog to begin with, because i NEEDEDDD to be insane about this game somewhere.. god what an ending. god. ok im not going to go insane abt it rn LOL my focus is on Spider-Man now.

28. Pick a series you like. What was the first game you played for it? Was it a good starting point? Would it still be a good starting point now? i wont pick final fantasy bc my answer is literally the same as yours LOL so um... i will pick zelda. my first zelda game was botw and honestly that is an AWFUL starting point for getting into zelda JFKLJSDL bc its just so. fucking different from every zelda game out there. and also bc its a love letter to the franchise, that probably a million references flew over my head bc i didnt know what they were referencing. but yeah like its just absolutely awful to go from a game where you can freely jump to a game where you have to ROLL.

but at the same time i dont think botw is an awful starting point. bc like.... its a good game. its a good Modern game. like the older zelda games, especially the 3d titles, are extremely outdated. i dont think anyone should be playing those in this day and age when botw/totk is there to experience instead. while not ideal, i think its fine to hit it off with a modern switch title, then work your way down to older titles.

of course 2d zeldas are a different thing. dare i say, the superior thing. also i dont believe anyone should get into zelda. bad franchise. except when the games are good. all pondering aside the best starting point for zelda is ALBW, then MM3D. maybe some MINISH CAP as a treat. those are the only existing zelda titles. to me. but jokes aside if someone is really gonna have a 'starting point' for zelda games then its definitely BOTW/TOTK or ALBW. doesnt matter whether its a switch title or ALBW played first, but its very very very very important that ALBW is played as well.

[astronomical-bagel]

hey hello hi!!1 i just saw your tags talking abt an atla au and i'm vibrating at speeds unknown to man. would u like to talk abt that au a bit??

OMG YEAH!! ok ok ok so so so the atla au was somethign me and some anons were brainstorming over about on the @mumscarian sideblog-- so its mumscarian oriented obviously LMAO. Anyways this au was set in an established fire nation colony on earth kingdom soil -- im thinking somewhere around where Haru liv ed, or some area like the Freedom Fighter's place.

Anyways, the main plot is as goes: Mumbo and grian are firebender soldiers sent to occupy this colony, scar is a closeted earthbender who keeps wandering into the colony even though he's been kicked out several times for fraud. He sells bits of fancy glass, regular rocks like quartz, and jennamite (the rock from the Bumi episode) as 'magical crystals'.

The locals are fond of him, even though they know the rocks don't do shit, but the crystals are pretty, and the jennamite sure does taste good. But the fire nation is annoyed and dont like him so they kick him out. And Grian and Mumbo, as the standard foot soldiers of the firenation, are often put in charge of doing the actual kicking out. And so on and so forth, i talk about this part more right here, but they become Friends! But then gasp Scar gets uncovered as an earthbender and arrested. and you know what that means… PRISON BREAK TIME!!!

Scar doesnt get sent to any of the same prisons in canon, but its the same idea -- surrounded by water, nothing to bend, ect ect. But! The escape plan does not go as the typical canon-- they actually work in the fire nation army, and it doesn't take much to be mixed in with the other grunts working at the prison -- they just have to forge some documents so that they dont get chased down as deserters for leaving their post.

Instead of the typical canon 'lets break out by BLOWING UP THINGS and FIGHTING OUR WAY OUT." they're gonna break Scar out via trickery and diplomacy and maybe a little bit more forging documents. The plan is as goes: Become prison guards -> find scar -> make sure he knows we're not going to kill him or anything for being an earthbender -> forge papers taking scar to a 'higher security prison' -> leave prison -> profit

But what ACTUALLY HAPPENS is: Become prison guards -> find scar -> why has scar become the leader of the meanest gang in here -> why is he getting extra meals from the other guards -> wait what do MEAN youve made friends with the guards-> oh fuck fuck we fucked up a prison guard thing and now we're under surveillance -> we have essentially imprisoned ourselves -> scar. scar can you help us. -> what do you mean that you already had an escape plan -> what do you MEAN your plan was just 'ask the guards nicely' -> HOW DID THAT WORK -> profit. i guess???

and yeah that is the end iGUESS IDK its literally just a little thing i mess around with im not going to like. write it seriously i just think this whole idea is funny XD

[dontgofarfromme]

I got tagged by @yfere to answer these questions, thanks! :D Since I finally have time and have never done one of these...here we go!

Rules - Tag 11 people that you want to know better and answer the questions. Repost, don’t reblog.

Relationship: nooooooop 

Colors: That really bright blue colour thats probably one of the highlighter options on Microsoft word.

Favorite Ships: ALLLLLLL. Ok not true but most of them especially in critical role where everyone is so goddamn shippable with everyone else good god. We can omit Caleb/Gluzo from that statement however because despite a very intentionally targetted and persuasive fic I am STILL NOT ENTIRELY SOLD :P

Last song: Overgrown by machineheart bc that MASSIVE cr playlist is wonderful and this song gives me so many Keyleth feels that I just get tingles every time I hear it it's amazing.

Last movie: Endgame. I....................did not like it.

Last book: The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi. I love this book so muuuuuch. It isnt perfect but it hits on a lot of things I've just really wanted to see explored in fantasy for a while. It's got a great ensemble cast too I love all of them ackkkkk.

Tagging 11 people (if u want, no pressure):

@kimabutch @disasterhumans @princessamericachavez @xhorass @jumanjiicostco @aplpaca @alcego @vodmod @kingkilling-and-stormlight , @blueboxinthecosmere , and anybody else who feels like it, if you've got time! :)

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn’t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

[adhduskull]

Bro danny phantom is so cool n stuff, infodump man!!!! Just,, yeet ur feelings about it. I love fanart n stuff of danny so gimy ur thoughts on it!!!

!!!!

Well, so first off I have a whole sideblog for it @superphlyduskull :3c if ur interested

Second this is straight up like. The most invested I've ever been in a fandom tbh, it's the first time I've posted anything and the first time I've attempted fanfiction!! (tho I haven't finished or posted anything yet) I recently thought up a headcanon that ghosts see more of the light spectrum than we do and that thats also how they become invisible, by only reflecting light humans can't see. I'd like to make a little fic abt it I think! Maybe one where a bunch of bugs follow him around bc I think it'd be cute

I think what really gets me about this fandom is the potential for worldbuilding. The show did close to fuck all in terms of exploring its own lore, but there were hints everywhere of how the world might work, and it's SO FUN to play with!! It leads to so many interpretations that are all equally plausible! Plus the huge amount of AUs inspired just by the source material... the way it lends itself to crossovers super easily as well, considering Clockwork has sent Danny into a different universe in the show (yknow, to stop the timeline where his family and friends and teacher die because he cheated on a test, eventually leading to him destroying the world...... there are some interesting morals in the show)

The angst potential is also insane, and I'm actually interacting with angst a lot more in this fandom than I usually would bc its so beautifully handled a lot of the time. Between identity reveals going wrong and the Guys in White getting a hold of him and Vlad being a shitbag to Danny being the GHOST KING

Ghost King Danny is probably one of my favorite AUs, I think partially bc its really fun to explore how insane it is for poor Danny to be saddled with this huge responsibility, and also to see how much power that gives him? Like on the one hand thats too much for a kid his age to handle and I feel like I might be projecting a bit since I was responsible for more than I would've liked from a young age, but also it reeeally spices up identity reveal scenarios and can save him too much grief in others bc depending on the take, a huge amount of the ghost zone has his back!! Like uhhh No, you are NOT going to mess with our King, [insert possible antagonist here]

It's also super fun to think of what ghost culture might be like, as well as just how ghosts work! We see glimpses in the show, but again, nothing is explored much? I love the universally accepted headcanon that ghosts have a vital organ called a core (though how it works varies greatly from person to person), and the idea that there are multiple ways a ghost forms (like from a being dying, or just forming from ectoplasm and strong emotions or big concepts, or being straight up born??). I've also seen the idea that a lot of ghosts don't really mean harm to Danny and that ghost culture is generally more violent bc they're not as squishy as humans!

Also!! There's gonna be a new graphic novel which is sick as hell! We don't know much more than that, but hopefully Nickolodeon doesn't mess too much with the creative team, because I'm really interested to see where they take it (especially since I think bitch fartman doesn't have any say in decisions? I'm not sure on that tho). Either way it's new content and I'm excited to see where the fandom goes with it too!

I have also realized the reason I don't infodump much is because I'm terrible at explaining things and trip over my words and am hard to follow lmao, particularly in person. You'd think that as an actor I'd be a little better with words but naaah lmao. I need to rehearse them for them to come out right apparently

Anyway idk how coherent that was but if u ever want to hear me ramble about dp feel free to send me more asks! Esp on my sideblog, I'm Always down down yell abt it!! Thank u for sending me that ask btw, it was really nice to do a bit of infodumping!!!💜💜💜

[mallowstep]

i literally havent been able to stop thinking about the wbcd thing, its so needed in the series. how do you decide which cats die when? do you weigh eventual offspring when deciding, like thornkit/claw eventually having four kits while lynxkit obviously having none? will "important" canonical deaths like swiftpaw, brindleface, etc count towards the death count for the season, or will those types of things be bonus deaths?

figured i'd answer this b4 i went to bed!

i need to scrub the wbcd posts from my queue and rewrite them up to a higher standard, but i'm going to keep the outcomes the same. i've gotten the hang of things now.

anyway, this is all done in one notebook, and the way i do it for wbcd is a little Special. (i've done similar things for fan-ish clans to make sure the numbers work out. they do, generally. sometimes you have bad luck.)

but wbcd doesn't account for moving to the elders' den, increased death rates because of moving to the elders' den, and i don't think i was doing double rolls (i'll explain) last time i queued the posts.

(it's a bit of a mess rn is why i need to scrub and rewrite. or maybe start a(nother) sideblog for it? just for my own sanity?)

anyway.

i've done this out a few times, and i've decided writing shit out by hand is best. maybe i just have no restraint and overcomplicate shit when i start typing, and someone else could make it work.

so first up, determining leader lives: i literally knock off 2/book. if i'm doing something for a fanclan, i generate numbers the same way i do for litters, a normal distribution with mean 2 and standard deviation 4. N(2, 16) if you want to be fancy. i've considered lowering the standard deviation, but i like the swingy-ness of it. (i also permit "gaining" lives to account for this. it's a little hokey, but it makes leaders live for the Right amount of time.)

deputies have a 1/10 chance of dying every season. all of my numbers, here, are estimations based on my initial calculations, then smoothed out to a number that easily goes into 100. again, i do wbcd in batches, and my methodology has changed slightly, so it's possible i was still not rolling for deputies.

seers/medicine cats (seer = 4 letters, and i'm writing by hand, also it fits the Aesthetics of the idea) have a 1/20 chance in dying. i don't usually bother rolling for them, though, because their deaths uh. don't matter? bc wbcd follows canon timeline, i can kill them for drama as needed.

as for warriors, they have a 1/25 chance in dying every season. i believe i calculated the odds for 1/10 living to 40 seasons and 1/3 living to 40 seasons, and then found a number that was easy to remember in between. because i don't track elders in wbcd, no one ever actually retires, but when i do this for other things, i give elders 1/10 chance of dying. just to make sure they don't stack up.

but! wbcd is special because i don't just roll and move on. what i do is, i roll for every warrior, and then i shuffle deaths. did whitestorm die, but i need him to live long enough to be firestar's deputy? well, XYZ is right there not doing anything, why not kill them instead?

and so on.

there's certainly a bit of favouritism going on: when i decided to kill barley, it Hurt me a Lot. but it needed to be done.

the factors that go into my decision are about what their death does to the future. killing whitestorm before he becomes firestar's deputy is frustrating to the plot in ways i didn't want to deal with. killing darkstripe early does nothing.

so non-canon characters (i don't want to say ocs, bc it's more lynxkit, ravenpaw & barley, etc) have a higher risk of dying, because their deaths, well, by their nature their deaths Cannot change the plot.

but that's not the same as offspring. see, blossomfall and thornclaw's kits are very, very, very minor. stemleaf is the only one who matters, and i can easily work around that.

so important canonical deaths do count in the seasonal tally, because the numbers are supposed to be high for drama. the only exception to this is that i rolled really well for the season of the great battle, so i ended up using my litter size generator for an extra number of deaths. i'd do this again for a time when there was that kind of Big Event Death if i rolled "too well."

now, you didn't ask about this, but i want to be thorough: how do i do kits and apprentices?

okay, apprentices are my favourite part, because they're the only group that has dynamic odds. uh, i'm going to say seasons, but what i mean is, when i'm on my leafbare page, i then roll to see who lives through newleaf, and i call that the newleaf roll. i know it's confusing, that's just the convention i started with.

so anyway, seasonal odds of death for apprentices

newleaf: 0/1 greenleaf: 1/10 leaffall: 1/5 leafbare: 1/10

if you recall my overall apprentice odds, this might seem odd, but you have to remember that "leaffall" really means "1 out of 5 apprentices dies every greenleaf."

i've considered flipping this, but for reasons i'll explain in kits, having the newleaf "palette cleanser" means that the warmer months aren't as brutal as they seem.

so for kits: when there's a litter born in a season, i don't do anything. if there are multiple, i try to space them out. there's not like. a reason for this, other than helping me keep the numbers straight.

for seasons with no litters, i generate a litter size and pick a queen who's "free."

the litter size generated is N(3, 9), or mean 3, standard deviation 3. negative numbers mean nothing here, and there's a fair amount of Large Litters. it would be realistic to split those up, but that takes a Lot of time and bookkeeping.

anyway, generated litters usually have no father, because you know. keeping things moving here. i pick a free queen, which basically means:

the queen whose next canon litter and last litter in wbcd are furthest away.

this is a balancing act, and i usually favour not giving a couple an early litter before their first canon litter. but if, say, willowpelt needs to have a litter in two seasons, even if she could have two litters back to back, i don't like doing that.

so i might find someone who has had their last canon litter and give them an extra one, or someone who's a while away from their next litter.

for generated litters, i give them an extra roll. because i disregard negatives, litter sizes trend larger than intended, so an extra first roll keeps them down. all rolls for kits are 1/5 odds of death.

but if i roll a 5, i circle the bullet point, and roll twice next season. this is because 4/5 * 4/5 is 0.64, which is more than my ideal survival rate of 0.50. add in another 4/5, for the bonus roll, and you drop to 0.512. the occasional extra rolls sends some kits down to 0.40 survival rating.

one day, i will figure out what those odds are to see if my numbers are still accurate, but having played this scenario out pretty far, i think it works.

i also employ the double roll for apprentices. hence having no rolls in leafbare means i can sort of. stop anything from cycling over.

if u have more questions about the mechanics/my process behind this, let me know. i hope i explained everything clearly, but it's all basically scribbled in a single notebook that i actually need to dig out so i can fix things.

thanks for asking! i'll be out with more wbcd content soon.

[tickle-bugs]

I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :) 

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms. 

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down. 

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area. 

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)! 

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.  

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it. 

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules. 

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics. 

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though: 

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice. 

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea. 

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask. 

[tomhardysteeth]

u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming

Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go. 

I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.

I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet. 

Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel. 

I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog. 

I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it. 

I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic. 

I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons​, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.

I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it. 

I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual. 

I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas. 

There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out. 

I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing. 

And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.

I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense. 

It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.

So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.  

[guillemelgat]

Languages I...

I was tagged by @tealingual on my sideblog, I hope it’s okay to do this here though! Thank you for the tag <3

Languages I wish I could go back to studying: basically all of the ones I’m “studying” atm, but especially Kurdish and Tamasheq, since I haven’t studied either for a while and I love them, I wish I had more time ;;-;; I’d also like to someday return to Turkish or Portuguese, but too many languages too little brain :’)

Languages I never ended up studying but would if I was a career polyglot getting paid to just exist: I would love to learn all the Dravidian languages (like...all of them though, not just the four major ones), also Fulani, Zulu or Xhosa or both, and maybe Tsonga?? Also I’d love to learn a Polynesian language just because they sound beautiful, but since I don’t have time to actual invest in it then I’m not going to. This list could keep going tbh but I’m just going to cut it off here before I tempt myself any further.

Languages I am studying/have been studying: Recently, it’s been mostly Romani, Malayalam, Welsh, Amharic, and a bit of Basque. And by recently I mean within the last few months. In the long term, I am technically studying Western Abenaki, Tamasheq, Kurdish, and Bosnian as well, and I plan to add on Bambara and Wolof even though idk how that’s going to work when I can’t keep up anyway??? We’ll see, tune in to watch me clown on main.

Languages I can’t touch for [insert reason]: I don’t want to learn dead languages or conlangs invented by other people (I like conlanging very amateurly, but I’m not into the idea of learning Esperanto or, god forbid, Volapük, or something). This is because I feel like learning living languages that have connections to real people and cultures is something that’s important to me, for some reason learning languages that aren’t living or natural feels like a waste of my time. I do fully support people who want to learn them though, it’s definitely not a waste of your time and they are pretty cool! Just not for me I guess. I tag: I feel like a lot of people have been tagged in this already so uhhh if you’re interested in ranting about your languages, I want to hear it and please please tag me! I know no one is going to take me up on this but like actually please tell me I want to know and I won’t think you’re weird I promise ;u;

[magniloquent-raven]

tagged by @disdaidal (like two weeks ago and im finally getting around to this dflgjflgj) ty!! 💕

1. why did you choose your URL?

cuz i needed to choose something and i didn't feel like fuckin around trying to find something that wasn't already taken lol. magniloquent was the word of the day on my dictionary app & i just like ravens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

NOPE. one blog only lmao

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

uhhhh...siiix years? maybe? i don't feel like checking and that sounds about right lol

4. do you have a queue tag?

i do not. i rarely use the queue, so. basically only use it when i have multiple text post meme posts finished and i don't wanna post them all at once, OR when there's a bunch of fundraiser posts i wanna reblog

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

ngl i don't remember that part of my life very well so like. idk if i rly had some clear motivation lol, i think i was just bored

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because kali doesn't get enough appreciation and i love her lol. also like. cuz i made it and thought it was pretty

7. why did you choose your header?

because i put a lot of effort into that collage so now yall have to look at it

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this dumbass mass effect meme i made a couple years ago lmao

9. how many mutuals do you have?

like...25? ish? i went thru my follower list and counted but i know there are people i follow on their sideblogs and not their main account so who fuckin knows gldfjglf

10. how many followers do you have?

467 apparently

11. how many people do you follow?

100. i unfollowed a bunch of inactive blogs not too long ago and i tend to be like "oh i should follow that person" and then fail to actually go check their blog out and do that 😅

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

too often

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

kinda? a couple times. lbr no one wins an argument on tumblr lmao

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts

i feel like people need to not tell me what to care about lmao. there have been so many things that i've thought about reblogging til i get to the end and there's an "everyone has to" add-on. and im a petty asshole ok, i don't like that shit. and not only that but if i reblog it then i become the person telling other people they need to reblog something and i don't like that either lol. i'd like to keep guilt-tripping bullshit off my blog.

16. do you like tag games?

YIS. tag me in all the things. i might fail to actually do it because i got distracted and then forgot but i still love being tagged in stuff lmao

17. do you like ask games?

yeah! i tend not to get many asks sent in when i reblog them cuz i don't have that many followers but they're fun when they actually work 😂

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i have literally no idea sgjdlkgj

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

wouldn't u like to know

20. tags?

uhh i have no idea who's done this already lol so apologies if u have already been tagged 😅 @gideongrace @smashmouth-hargrove @darkmystdrake @rvspberryjvm if yall feel like it!