#my chest feels lighter??

[irondad-defensesquad]

EDIT: Also posted on AO3!

--

Peter wakes up late.

Arguably, it’s the weekend. Even then, he’s not someone who sleeps until afternoon. Mainly because someone wakes him for breakfast and to get through the day. And on some weekends, he even has breakfast in bed.

It’s 12 PM when he opens his eyes, hearing no noises out of his room.

Indeed, when he gets out of bed, Peter doesn’t find any signs of life in the Compound. Breakfast is not set. And as far as he’s concerned, no one is in the workshop, for he cannot hear any loud rock music coming from it.

“Um… F.R.I.D.A.Y?” Peter looks at the ceiling. “Where’s Mr. Stark?”

“Boss is currently in a series of meetings. He’ll be back by the evening. He said there’s coffee ready, and food in the fridge to heat up.”

“Oh.”

The boy realizes he’s still wrapped by his blanket, as Peter hugs it close.

“Would you like me to call Boss?” F.R.I.D.A.Y asks.

“No, no, I just wanted to know. Thanks.”

“You can let me know if you need him.”

“It’s okay, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

She doesn’t insist. The house goes silent again.

He wants her to come back.

But he doesn’t say that.

So, Peter goes on with his day. He eats his cereal and he doesn’t mix the coffee with milk like he usually does. He doesn’t like black coffee like Tony does… but it doesn’t feel wrong this time. Peter tries sending messages to Ned and MJ, but they both have plans for today so they won’t be able to talk much today. Aunt May is out of town, hence why Peter is staying over. She does ask if everything is okay, and Peter reassures her he’s fine. May tells him to count on Tony with anything he needs.

Peter just sends her a smiling emoji.

He decides not to talk to Karen. One, putting his suit in the Compound for no reason other than to chat with someone is weird. Second, she would certainly let Tony know, and his mentor would immediately tell something is wrong.

Peter goes to the workshop. He greets DUM-E. As much as he loves the little bot, DUM-E only beeps and Peter has not yet figured out his language. The arachnid doesn’t have anything to fix on his suit. He asks F.R.I.D.A.Y if Tony needs any help with his projects (his mentor has given him permission to help him out if he wants). But apparently, there isn’t anything to be fixed.

Right. Nothing in the workshop, then.

Peter tries watching TV. He doesn’t really focus. He checks his phone but there aren’t any new messages. His friends are too busy for him. Time is passing very slowly. It’s not even mid afternoon and Tony will take forever to come back.

Finally, he goes back to his room. He needs to get his math homework done, anyway. Peter gets his earphones ready and he starts reading the book, his notebook page blank, waiting for his train of thought.

Except the music is too distracting. Even if he lowers the volume, it doesn’t help. But if he pauses it entirely, Peter’s thoughts are going to scream louder.

His notebook judges him. The words and instructions in his book don’t make sense. Even though Peter re-reads over and over again, they only get more confusing, and he loses more patience, as his head pounds.

Ask for help, a little voice says inside him.

Help for what? Homework?

It’s not just homework.

But it’s not important.

Everyone has better things to do.

Peter growls, breaking his pencil in half with a lot of ease, then dropping the meaningless pieces on the floor. He can’t bring himself to fix it or simply throw in the garbage. It’s just a stupid pencil anyway.

His book is slowly consumed by teardrops.

Countless.

Like it’s raining right in it.

Only Peter is the big storm cloud that can’t make it stop. That can’t do the most basic of things.

He can’t take it anymore.

He sobs. A lot. Loud.

It probably echoes in the penthouse.

People won’t hear it, though.

Peter covers his eyes, now wetting his hands instead of the book. The music is still playing and it’s mocking him. You’re stupid. You’re useless. You can’t do anything right.

He cries for a good couple of minutes. It only grows louder and more painful. Peter doesn’t know why he’s like this. He can handle things alone. He has always handled everything on his own and he never broke down like this. Why is he like this now?

The emptiness around him is engulfing him. It’s empty like his apartment when Uncle Ben died. Peter couldn’t sleep for days when it happened. Mostly because he was distracted trying to save other people’s lives, to prevent another tragedy from happening.

But there’s no one to save.

Peter is trapped.

He can’t do this.

He can’t do this.

He can’t…

…

Someone is knocking on the door.

“Peter?”

Suddenly, he’s back in the bedroom, the book and notebook are just… school objects. They aren’t saying anything.

Peter is too shocked to even open his mouth.

“Peter, I’m coming in.”

Shit. Fuck.

The boy hides himself, turning away from the door, also using his arm to try and pretend the tears aren’t there.

“M-Mr. Stark! I thought- Why”– the teen gulps, unsure what to say that won’t blow his cover. He fears he’s failed anyway –“What’re you doing here?”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y called me, she said you needed me.”

Even though Tony doesn’t sound annoyed in the slightest, Peter only feels pathetic and ashamed of the last three words.

“Y-You didn’t have to come here, Mr. Stark.”

He senses Tony approaching.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” the man patiently requests.

“I don’t know! Something is wrong with- with my brain!” Peter lashes out. He hates himself for that. Despite that, Tony doesn’t get angry. “I tried to distract myself but there was nothing to fix in the lab, TV didn’t help, and not even my stupid homework helps because I’m stupid-!”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Tony is kneeling down next to him. “You’re not stupid. It’s okay.”

Peter cries again with the other’s soft voice. “I can’t do anything, Mr. Stark.”

“That’s okay. You just need a break, kiddo.”

“Yeah, but…”

It’s not just a break that he needs.

“... what’s the point if I’m just gonna be alone?”

Tony gently places a hand on Peter’s arm. The boy finally looks back at him.

“I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“But what about your meetings? They must be more important.”

“You’re more important to me, Pete.”

He knows that, doesn’t he?

Why does it make Peter emotional anyway?

Regardless, Tony throws away the broken pencil for him.

“Come on, buddy,” he calls him, standing on his feet but waiting for Peter to follow him. Actually, he wants Peter to lead the way.

That way, the two end up at the couch. The TV is on and Peter couldn’t care less about what’s airing. Tony grabbed his blanket and wrapped him up in a burrito. Even though he’s wearing an expensive suit, he hugs Peter close and he starts telling him about the meetings today and how boring they were. He also talked shit about some of the people he had to debate with.

For the first time today, Peter smiles, at peace.

Everything is alright now.

[squeiky]

METAL SONIC X CHAOS ZERO!!!

IN ALL THE CHARTS I COULD FIND!!

Some of the charts got repetitive, so i cropped it.

NOTES: there may be someee minor inconsitences as sometimes id change mind my across one chart to another.

If you want an expliantion for ANY of my choices here, please ask! I am starving for conversation about this relationship- so please please please ask my questions- or just tell me your own ideas! Idk! Communicate! Your words and thoughts are not dumb!! They are very important to me and must be shared!!!

Also, some more of my thoughts + notes after the cut:

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I think my favorite charts are the first two, since the first one was pretty thourghough and easy to get whilst also including intresting and unique questions to the relatio ship dynamic. the second one i added a bit of character interaction so its really cute, and thats practically why i like.

---

I particularly like the touch chart, as i really had to consider wthe physicality of these two, and the custom model was fun to make (look they're even holding hands haha). It was a bit tricky considering i had to figure out what touches where welcomed and what weren't based on previous canonical interactions, and my own theories/speculations.

---

Oh, to explian the "lends clothes" and "borrows/steals clothes", i always found the neat detail of Neo Metal Sonic's wardrobe possesing a kind of.. arm warmer/bell sleeve? As well as its pants(?) Being a bell bottom.

Without the belt/butt cape, it does make metal sonics limbs somehwhat resemble the sillouette of Chaos' body, so obviously- i just figured that Chaos, if he were to wear any clothing, would probably be stolen by Metal Sonic since it already seems to be fond of that particular look that Chaos naturally has.

--

Oh, and Metal and Chaos being somewhat organized is due to thier jobs and enviornment they grew up in. Eggman, being the opposite of Sonics carefree, chaotic attitude, would likely prefer more cleaner, organized or "controlled" enviornments. Thus, i feel that Metal Sonic may have picked up a few tidying or cleaning habits that were a cause of eggman simply teaching or implimenting features in his bots to prefer the "clean up" of "dirty" or "messy" areas.

For chaos, i do recall reading something (perhaps on the chao wiki) of him purifying the Altars water and keeping it relatively clean from debries and such. Furthermore, having to be sole guardian of little children chao, the altar and the master emerald, requires a lot of responsibility and- if anyone has worked with children before- it can get very messy very quickly. So its mere speculation, but i do think Chaos would have picked up many cleaning habits as well, as well as cooking/harvesting skills due to him having to take care of large batches of critters.

Surprisingly, for a creature named "Chaos", the name only truely applies to the singular instance in which he is "Final Chaos" (as thats likely what the echidnas called him during and after that time.) Turns out, Chaos is way more controlled and responsible than chaotic and carefree.

So to segway, out of the two, Metal Sonic would be way more chaotic considering its nack for stirring up trouble (CD, Sonic Heroes, Chaotix.. ect) for the heroes, as well as it not really having major responsibilites outside of its purpose to "destroy sonic" and occasionally obey whatever task eggman requires of it.

Thus, is why in the driving promps, i title it "a speeder".

---

To explain the "Cognito Egro Sum" (aka. I think therefore i am) and the "infinty symbol" for the ages, er.. Metal sonic is a robot, and Chaos is an immortal being. If your being technical with it, you can say they're both relatively young, considering Chaos chao can't age and are often stuck in the form they were hatched in- despite the fact that chao do infact change as they age-

One can consider the idea that Chaos, for all intensive purposes, looks and probably is pretty young- if we apply chao logic to him.

Though one will argue "but Chaos is ancient" which is true, but his case is similar to Shadow's as he was trapped in that Master emerald for... millions of years............. so, similarly to how shadow was stuck for 50 years yet remains a teenager both inside and out, Chaos- for whatever age he was before he got trapped, probably still thinks and acts like that, as well as Tikal. Except now they probably need a LOT of therapy.

^hence why i put chaos's sleeping habits as "sleeps poorly" and "sleeps to little". In hindsight, being trapped in a emerald for thousands of years, with your freind of who's father killed your entire* family and burned your house (altar) down and tried to steal your most precious item (master emerald) and being the girl whos stuck with your freind(?) who killed your entire bloodline and basically genocided your entire community- stuck with him for THOUSANDS OF YEARS- is.....is going to require a lot of therapy.

So y'know, bad sleeping problems. Also probably why i depict Chaos hugging a lot + being affectionate, since being deprived your community that is entirely reliant on the concept of "caring, loving, and nurturing one another" (cause.. the opposite of that means chao will basically die upon reincarnation), for thousands of years is... a good recipe for touch starvation and a need for attention.

^hence why chaos is also on the attention side of some charts.

----

^ just conintuing off of that previous statement, i did move Chaos closer towards "extrovert" in the "extrovert or introvert" prompts, as since Chaos, unlike Metal Sonic, deals closely with many chao, and often is surrounded by a crowd of them, i do believe that Chaos would have to atleast gain some energy from social interaction in order to surivive that every day, without burning out.

----

The whole "who talks more" thing is kind of funny because, technically, its metal sonic (see Sonic Heroes + Sonic Free riders) who has more lines than.. Chaos's total of zero!

Meaning that, if anything, the "he said no pickles" meme would probably mean that Metal Sonic would be at the counter whilst Chaos is sitting in the back.

Though, compared to MANY other characters, these two are practically dead-silent, and would most likely rely on non-verbal ways of affection than verbal.

---

Oh and the "ethical v. Immoral thing" where i emphasized that chaos was "neutral" was because by compsring him to "chaos chao", theres a dark side, good guy side, and then neutral. Considering Chaos's history of amazingly goodwilled to horrendously incidous, one can conclude that he practically in the middle in terms of ethics or morality.

Metal sonic is definetly on the more immoral side, though i wouldnt put it all the way, as i do have considering enviornmental aspects to its behavior (such as well.. being a badnik, and being constantly exposed to eggman's immoral behaviors). So, other than like, unnesecarily abusing animal freinds in CD, and throwing a ship probably full of people at sonic (Sonic heroes) there aren't many instances in which Metal Sonic does something completely immoral and unjust- without any context regarding eggman ordering it too, or simply it just doing its job as a badnik.

However those actions are prettt bad on its own- though compared to... killing out an entire species... drowning thousands of people in a city and attempting to kill eggman with a giant laserbeam... and to whatever hyjinks eggman gets up too...

Its actions seem.. relatively small (though not obsolete.)

So like, theres not going to be many issues regarding "metal sonics gotta be a good guy"/ "i can fix him🥺" mentalities, since its kind of hard to do that, when you have a kill count of a 100+ whilst Metal Sonic is still on the "i'm needlessly harming animals, and threw a boat"...

Then again, i like to think the leiniency allows for them to work on themselves together, rather than tear eachother down or hate eachothers guts.

---

Transgender - both for my headcannnon, but also a refrence to it literally going "i transformed myself with my own hands" and well, i cant resist a pun/play on words now can i?

Agender- chaos dont have.. genders.

However, i thought this would change when introduced to concept of feminine and masculine models of the ancients in frontiers, but looking at Chaos, he doesnt resemble either one very much (tbh, in Sonic Forces, his model actually looks more akin to the fem version, than the pointy and sharp masc ones) and looks more akin to that of the children, if anything.

Plus, being masculine or feminine isnt really and indicator of gender anyways.. so like..???

So what? Does Chaos, gender? NOPE! Chaos isn't an ancient (thats his ancestor) and is a mutated chao. Chaos are genderless, or atleast out of that particular binary.

If Tikal showed up one day and started calling Chaos a "he/him", its likely that Chaos could've just.. adopted that. Assigned pronouns by random. Amazing.

So agender, as i can't think of anything else.

---

Sexuality -idk. Look, i dont consider whomth one likes. The knowledge of my characters, or other characters sexualites comes upon me in the way preists suddenly hear the words of their gods.

I dunno, until suddenly i know. Thats just how it is.

---

Ending it here cause im hungrt and cant think of anything else to chat on.

[rubywolf0201]

Oh well since I know my luck in HSR has become dogshit due to me being pity broken with standard 5 stars since 2.4, at least I take comfort in ZZZ’s gacha since they have an indicator on the rolls I do and no indication of powercreeping just yet.

Besides I’m gunning for these two and not anyone else unless they release a new limited S Rank guy or Agent who would stay in the meta for a very long period

[butchnavi]

broke up with my ex best friend for good👍🏼

[ambagelbraindump]

desperately need to go to bed but I’m just. really really happy with my chest

[shipping-all-ships]

Back on that soulmates-share-quirks au but lets focus on the kuropress. Like how when Shirakumo died, Mr. Compress lost the ability to use Cloud and he never tried to use his soulmates quirk after a few months of desperate trying since he concluded his soulmate was officially gone. 

The Doctor took an interest in Mr. Compress when they first met-- even though they wanted Eraserhead, they did observe him and got to see his friends and their quirks/soulmate quirks and so recognizes the second quirk Shirakumo had. He starts grilling Mr. Compress on his second quirk, like has he even tried to use it since his soulmates death or if the connection feels off somehow. Shigaraki puts a stop to the questions and assures Mr. Compress that it’s just how the Doctor is, absolutely fascinated with soulmate related quirks and how they relate to nomus and all that nonsense, so not to pay it any mind. If anyone else had a dead soulmate, he would be interrogating them as well. 

It ends up eating away at Mr. Compress because no he hasn’t even tried to use it in over ten years and now feeling for the quirk, it does feel off. Different somehow, wrong, unnatural. He didn’t think it about again until they’re fighting heroes on a rooftop and he hears Twice shout, turning in time to see Toga dodge too far to the left and suddenly she’s falling over the side. 

He doesn’t know if the heroes would try to catch her or let gravity do it’s job and write her off as another causality, he doesn’t know if any of Twice’s clones will be able to grab her in time to make a cushion, but he does know that none of them will be able to get to her in time. 

Something in him surges and Toga’s scream is cut off as she lands hard on a soft cloud, swirling the same dark purple color as Kurogiri. She floats back up in the sudden halt of the fight and Mr. Compress has to stomp down the sudden breakdown he feels coming one when he sees his mist covered hand because what the fuck?

He and Kurogiri are going to have to have a very long talk when they break him out of prison.

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

I’m so tired of relationships with people feeling so punishingly complicated

[mattstrahm]

since this is how i blog now apparently i'm writing down more thoughts.

in all honesty i hate the change my blog has seen in the past year, especially ~five months. it's not like i'm on tumblr any less but there's just less stuff. sometimes this blog will go a week without a new post even though i'm here every day. it was easier last year, yeah because the gang was more active but, and i hate to say this, because the phillies were more fun. there were more gifs to make, more articles to talk about, more little clips to lose our minds over. this year they were just good and it wasn't even worth it in the end. we've been trading having fun for being good and it keeps betraying us when it matters. it keeps not being worth it. and i think that's what pisses me off the most about it.

so to try to fill that void i'm trying to follow more blogs, and i didn't think i had very strict requirements to follow a blog, and people can blog however they want obviously, but wow have i found it hard. at this point all i'm asking for is a tagging system that at least somewhat holds water. my blacklist is so long, i've been on this website for nearly 15 years, curating an experience is vital to survival. what i'm learning is that the vast majority of people on this website don't have any kind of system at all, and i can't live like that.

i'm heading back into the gdocs ellipsus files (i've been really liking ellipsus, my main beef with it being that it doesn't do curly apostrophes or quotation marks, but if i write on my phone my phone does them automatically... so then i have to go back and fix them) to work on the 52 weeks sequel. i keep wishing i had more time to sit on the original but i wanted it out as soon as possible. there's so many scenes that would've made more sense from the original bryson pov. however that's not the world we live in and some things are going to have to get addressed from a pov less suitable for them. working on things taking place in the first year feels good though, because i know at least the first 52 weeks (ha ha.) will be in the sequel. i know this isn't effort wasted. not that i'm a stranger to writing thousands of words of stuff that will never see the light of day.

still also keeping an eye on the time begins prompts. maybe something will click in my brain and i'll write something else. shorter. quicker. less research intensive. we'll see.

[yusuke-of-valla]

Shitty first attempt at for an idea for Yusuke's bio dad (someday I should make a line up if all my ideas for Yusuke's dad because I have like 4 depending on the au)

[batz]

realizing its almost been 6 months since top surgery:)

[castielsprostate]

my heart literally just almost exploded oh my god

[kaisollisto]

[sugarstarlights]

Howdy! It sure is Thursday, who else is enacting the customary Thursday ritual of climbing a mountain and screaming for catharsis at the top? Everybody's favorite weekly mental health exercise. Don't forget to do the same today if you haven't; if you don't have your own accessible mountain don't worry a rooftop counts too. If there are no roofs available I don't know what to tell you go scream in an open field I guess sometimes that's just as good.

[lousiee]

metaphorically threw up my emotions that ive been feeling 4 th past couple years

[the-casbah-way]

i think i’m going to reward myself with a new tattoo once my pay check comes in even though i technically cannot afford it. i NEED dr nick from the simpsons on a cigarette packet. it’s urgent to me

[peterparkeeperer]

I think there’s a sort of universal magic in that final, shuddering breath that you let out after a big cry. Like letting go. There is power in letting go