#i know people dont usually like thinking about him. ive met more people that want to punch him in the teeth than people who like him

[mechcity-skyline]

TOMERPG Zetto is from Tennessee. I refuse to elaborate.

[depresseddepot]

SO THERE'S THIS APOSTATE NAMED MORRIGAN.......

[lunar-fey]

ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.

but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)

LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!

[mrfoox]

Uh.... Kinda brought up an topic which was tough but it was okay....?

[rxmxa]

1st, 2nd, 6th, + 8th house synastry notes 🖤

Ive been binge watching bones and its so interesting how booth and brennan embody 1h, 2nd, 6h, and 8h synastry. If youve never watched the show you can still get insight I just wanted to describe this synastry through their behaviors.

1st house synastry:

Brennan and Booth give off major 1h synastry, its especially obvious with how they met. They are immediately attracted to each other and brennan asks booth if they are no longer working together then does that mean that they can have sex LMAOOO. I def see this as mars in the 1st house synastry. I think Brennan is the mars person and Booth is the house person because she is attracted (mars) a lot to his physique (1h) and constantly comments on how his facial structure and masculinity is appealing to her. And he def gives off the house person in this dynamic because he's always trying to impress her, whether hes dressing to impress on in the way he presents himself with his demeanor like defending her, shielding her and making jokes to make her laugh. With 1h synastry it is natural to a certain extent, like the planet person or house person isnt "acting" but their actions def become applied based on the planet (with mars it would be aggression, drive, ambition from both people being amplifed). But with other planets like venus for example, it would be more about aethetic, beauty, interests, being the focus. You know what else gives this synastry away? How someone commented that they're acting "like two teenagers at prom. " at their big grown age lol. This synastry will def have you rolling your eyes, smirking, playfully pushing each other, in each others personal space AT ALL TIMES. like damn ur talking to me about the weather rn two inches away from my MOUTHHHH... lets just kiss.

2nd house synastry:

they literally cannot stop fucking touching each other omg. This synastry reminds me of a steady hand just reaching out and making sure you dont fall. its that urge to show and say I'm here, I won't let you down, and if you fall I will catch you. Its the comforting hugs between them, reaching out to help each other get back up. This reminds in the moments Brennan is feeling sad or anxious and he reaches out and grabs her hand or gently grabs her chin to get her to look at him. Their dynamic reminds me of sun in the 2nd house synastry. When someone’s Sun is in your 2nd house, being around them can make you feel safe and steady. Their touch feels warm, confident, and reassuring. They show affection in a reliable, down-to-earth way, making you feel secure and valued through physical closeness. In this case I think Booth is the sun person and Brennan is the house person. In one episode she said "I find it interesting that im only afraid of snakes when booth is around to jump on" LMAOO. like babygirl sees booth and instantly knows she is physically and emotionally safe. Who he is (sun) grounds her. Beyond the physical, they also transformed each others values. They are seen as total opposites and throughout the show Brennan talks about how Booth has taught her the value of eye contact and using your heart to make your decisions and to not rely always on logic and then booth talks about how he has taught her the opposite. they balance each other. ONE LAST THING about 2h synastry I want to mention is the gift giving. Usually posts might be about giving each other luxury gifts which can be true but its also about the details. they give each other gifts that are meaningful and not always through material but with their words or favors or just unique things that can have u be like wow no one else has done this for me before (like when booth shows up with a christmas tree when brennan couldnt have one set up when she spent her christmas with her dad and brother for the first time as an adult).

6th house synastry:

This one is a little more obvious. They met through work (as an FBI agent, Booth needed Brennan’s expertise with bones and anthropology to catch a killer), and then they actually became partners. I def see theirs as pluto in the 6h synastry because booth (pluto person) completely transforms brennans daily routine (6h) and he acts a catalyst (pluto) for the way she decides how she truly wants her life to look day to day (6h). Their relationship is primarily all about their routine, service, and work (6h) together to solve murders (pluto). They thrive and come alive with their routines, and their partnership becomes top priority. If you have 6th house synastry, that doesn’t mean the person is going to be your coworker, but it does mean you'll be deeply involved in each other's daily lives and routines. Brennan and Booth would cook for each other, motivate each other to improve their skills—whether that’s becoming stronger, smarter, or simply aiming higher in their respective careers. Their bond is built on support in everyday life, from the little things like making meals for each other to the big things like pushing each other to grow and succeed in their work.In their case, work was the foundation of their relationship, but over time, their routines became more personal, blending their professional lives with emotional connection. This is what 6h synastry is all about!! building something meaningful with someone through shared routines and relying on each other. As someone with a virgo venus I find 6h synastry lovely. From my other post with 6h synastry "very underrated synastry considering the physical attraction, never getting bored of each other, consistent acts of service, learning each others love language, “you got me flowers?” energy, “do you want to run errands with me” energy, can easily become a power couple, knowing the little cute and mundane things about each other, “oh they don’t like that flavor” energy"

8th house synastry:

They have 8h synastry for many reasons. The first I think of is how she became a multi-millionaire from her books loosely based on their relationship (the characters kathy + agent andy). Her finances (8h) completely are altered by their relationship! When you have 8h synastry with someone they can def influence your wallet. Another very obvious one is the trauma they share and go through (literally saving each other lives all the time after crazy ass shit happening to them). Because of these traumatic events, they become connected in a way that goes beyond normal interactions (real 8h shit). They share a level of trust and passion that is unique to them.This doesnt mean when you have 8h synastry your life doesnt mean you're going to be dodging bullets or facing death everyday but it does mean u might notice a deeper intensity, as if the stakes in the relationship feel higher. ok ANOTHERRR, is the underlying sexual intensity, like the constant eye contact, the protectiveness of each other, the jealousy they try to hide or supress when they are both seeing other people and MOST IMPORTANTLY THESE MFSS always come back to each other!! I can def see venus in the 8h synastry with them its the "youll never find another woman like me" energy. When booth is with hannah (he gets into a serious relationship with her try to forget about brennan) and he has to repeat over and over and over about how much he is in love with her almost like hes trying to convince himself and everyone else. And he does love her but its not like brennan... not even close. He doesnt even have to say he loves brennan. Its obvious in the way he will fight for her, is willing to suffer to just be with her as friends/coworkers knowing he desires more, how they tell each other about their childhood traumas, how they heal each others inner child, how they face their fears together. And ultimately also they do end up getting married and having children and combining their resources & assets (all 8h topics).

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

okay need to say that i'm addicted to your intro post.... sirius is brat & u get it. also rosebitchkiller?????? your mind. you've opened my eyes to something. pls yap on it

hi i literally love you youre so cool SO

this made me think bc i usually think of them in a au-ed world ? not a canon thing. but i like making canon things. sawr.

established rosekiller

rosekiller isnt exclusive exclusive . theyre like friends w benefits atp

evan's had a crush on sirius since he like saw him and it never went away

barty thought regulus was cool and when he met sirius he started harboring a small obsession over him

evan and barty are toxic and bad-with-feelings and just generally horrible people (x) and they fight a lot and break up a LOT

while the prank is happening in the marauders' pov, evan and barty break up

sirius comes home for christmas that year even though he usually spends it at hogwarts and barty is haha also there

-i feel like sirius def pities barty. i mean he does canonically yes, but in-school, he just sees a kid who fucking hates his stuck up dad with stupid high expectations who's never content? that w how he hates regulus and projects his worry for regulus onto barty is .

barty gets Attention from Cool Older Brother who's all suave and idgaf and mean and his little obsession turns bigger

sirius "ive never seen healthy forms of romantic love" black is . relishing in barty's obsession.

he hates barty obviously, because what's a good kid doing hanging out w dark art kids ?? but like also Mmm Attention <3

when he's not with his mother, he's with barty

they also like fuck btw like yuckily too bc theyre fucked up

(this all happens over the . like . two week? idk/ christmas break)

when they get back to hogwarts - that's when things get interesting

rosekiller get into a rather violent fight bc evan is like "not only did you commit to another person, its SIRIUS BLACK????"

(barty did not commit . but thats for the bitchkiller post.)

and while this little thing is going on the marauders have healed and sirius is like "bartemius who 💀💀"

uh barty is Angry and Evan is kind of jealous and kind of relieved and kind of horny

evan and barty competing w each other to get sirius' attention

(barty usually gets it, but like it's nothing special)

(the sexual tension is great on e&b's part sirius is just "what do these horny fucks want")at

uhh it turns into three-way flirting

also i didnt metnion but like all three of them HATE each other like evan finds barty obnoxious and sirius a faker (he loves them both) sirius finds evan ew because dark arts and barty a loser because... well. he is. and barty finds them both irritating but unfortunately the pinnacles of male beauty (hes really horny i fear)

uhh smoothly turns into a threesome by the very end of sirius' fifth year

sirius runs away over the summer

back at hogwarts, he doesnt really want to go back to that weird toxic-threesome-thing he had w rosekiller because, again, he doesnt really like them and they dont really like him and they dont even really like each other and maybe sirius likes someone else? remus or james or whoever? and sirius wants to build Healthy relationships?

sirius clings to james a more at the start of hogwarts (naturally) and barty is who sirius is more averse to talking to because he's usually harsher and gets angry easier and is less easier to intimidate

so evan and sirius talk a bit, for once, like have. real conversations. and get to know each other.

sirius has a buzzcut btw (i have STRONG feelings about this) so evan gets one too

evan is Weird and knows in detail about very obscure things and sirius is and always has been attracted to knowledge. while w barty it was more of a debate thing, w evan he can just spill information and listen to evan's too without it being competitive

also evan is more of a bitch so sirius doesnt deem him a threat to his mental health

ALSO !!! barty flips between hypersexual and sex repulsed like a light switch so evan and sirius are used to fucking, like just the two of them, a lot

but barty has fomo so they dont really hangout alone yk

oh and also barty and sirius dont really 'hangout' alone either because evan is very possessive

uhh but like yes they fuck again

its a not-really-friends with benefits situation

no feelings involved !! haha !!

till evan gets the dark mark :3

(barty does too, but sirius doesnt know)

umm !! big !! fight

theyre very violent i didnt mention this but rosekiller have BLOODY fights. sirius isnt very prone to throwing a punch, he usually does enough damage by his tongue alone, but like he gets dragged into it sometimes

(and then JAMES gets involved too because of course he does...)

but like this fight is final and sirius is like "why are you guys even upset were just fucking 💀💀"

and uh btw barty and evan litr never stopped being obsessed w sirius and are just now realizing that sirius just does not gaf like FR how down bad they are (sirius doesnt know theyre like fr in love but like it wouldnt make a difference sawr)

uhh yeah so sirius breaks it off

and barty and evan are like fuck him

but also like i miss fucking him 💔💔

wait a minute we could just ... fuck eachother

for ever

hence rosekiller is birthed

then sirius graduates and literally never thinks about them again

well maybe he does

but only like "god they fucked good i need dick rn" and "i still scars on my waist tf"

and barty and evan are like resentful but also like ugh he doesnt gaf... thats so hot... but also like they found someone who matched their freak (each other) so theyre content

yerp

i hope this makes sense ☹️💔

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can you write the TADC cast with a male ballet dancer reader? The reader experiences gender dysphoria 24/7 because they look very feminine and all that.

TADC cast x male!ballet dancer!reader w/ dysphoria

back to finishing up the current line up of requests!! reminder that im only doing requests that have been sent in prior to them being closed! any requests that are sent in while theyre still closed will not be taken and will be deleted so i can keep track of what was sent before closing; its nothing against any of yall and you guys can resend your stuff when they are reopened (i will make it very obvious when they are so dw!!) on a different note i could have sworn i did a cast request with a reader who does ballet; but i guess it was only for jax and i was confusing the group request for the ballora type! reader from this morning huh anyways!! i hope you enjoy this anon! quick warning that i know literally nothing about ballet so im

CAINE:

i think he enjoys a bunch of art forms; from music stuff to dance stuff to painting stuff, this man has taste. i think he would give you a bunch of outfits for you to wear and swap around that fits your aesthetic. bro would give you a whole walk in closet. as for dysphoria, i think he would do a similar thing with jax and reinforce how masculine you are to him, usually through affirmations, but he also shows it through just being there for you, bro is not only your number one fan but hes also your biggest supporter

POMNI:

i am yet again stumped on what to put in for pomni, since i think pomni is. bad at comforting people. very awkward, do not go to her for advice she will fumble so bad. now its not like shes not trying, but i think she would be all over the place trying to cover everything that could possibly help you; perhaps you two ultimately settle on cuddling one another... if this werent the digital world you two would probably put on a movie to take your mind off of it. as for her thoughts on ballet! i think she would find it neat, similar to jax she would have a form of respect for it!

RAGATHA:

she thinks it looks pretty, the dancing! she wouldnt know all the history or more in depth parts of it but she would watch you practice if you allowed her too... i think she would make you a binder, if your digital body causes any gender dysphoria for you.. though now that i type this i recall it being said that the characters clothing being stuck to their body.. so maybe she would just make you clothing thats more masculine as well? im not sure on this one!

JAX:

doing jax first since he already got a similar post and i can use it as a basis; ive said this in that post as well as the ballora one but i think he would at least appreciate the dedication and hard work that goes into ballet... to like, fully commit to something like that impresses him you know? as for dysphoria, i think he would make it a point to call you more masculine terms. hes gonna be trying his best to try to help you with your dysphoria in the way that best helps you. lays off on his teasing on days where its worse

KINGER:

i am yet again distraught that i do not have many ideas for kinger this time, which is sad because hes my favorite character and i can relate so hard to the dysphoria thing... thinks.. probably throws all of his knowledge at you. i mean hes been in the circus for a while, hes probably seen at least a few people come and go; and sure what are the odds that he has some experience helping someone fight through their dysphoria... a boy can dream! takes you to his pillow fort and lets you stay for as long as you want

probably sits and watches you dance on a makeshift pillow thrown. claps when you're done, probably throws roses... i think caine would throw roses too except he would throw way more simply because he can literally. manifest as many as he wants

ZOOBLE:

i dont usually like sharing my lgbt hcs about characters out of fear that it would be met with discourse but if i recall correctly zooble doesnt really have a gender/a set one (if im wrong correct me!) so they understand the dysphoria thing; i think they would offer to let you hang out in your room and vent your feelings out. probably tries to give advice on how to feel better in general if you want advice, but if you want comfort theyre gonna do your best to give it to you. i dont think zooble would have much of an opinion on ballet; neither negative or positive, simply knowing thats its an art form! supports you if it makes you happy, though!

GANGLE:

while not the same thing, i like to think gangle used to do ribbon dancing in the real world... because... ribbon girl. see look im so so creative

but also i think it looks pretty

so you guys can bond over your hobbies! you might have to pry gangle to open up and talk about her interest in it, assuming she picks it up again in the digital world! as for dysphoria, i think gangle would be like zooble in terms of lending you some support; offers to help distract you if you dont want to tackle the issue at that point in time. i dont know about you, but sometimes i just, dont want to deal with my own dysphoria, but perhaps thats just a me thing

[tossball-stick]

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang. 

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive. 

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child. 

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family. 

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man. 

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him. 

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you. 

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe. 

he can shape up and be good, he just never does. 

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack. 

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal. 

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences. 

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)." 

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

[o-i-w-u]

I wish to know out of context lore

I have some myself if you’d be more inclined to a trade, any of my Bloodmoon— I mean- aus

Pretty please?

:3

*bats eyelashes*

HI!!! okay okay,,, hmmmm i mostly have them for lbm right now because ive been thinking about him the most so. whoopsies,,,,,,

lord bloodmoon au:

they make squeaks when scared/mad, its one of their tells (which ive mentioned before but never explained? the whole beetle thing makes them very vocal i suppose :) if i were to use this in a animation id end up using moth squeaks instead because sound bites of beetle sounds are very hard to come across pfft-)

she usually laughs a lot like eclipse, all deep n' sinister like, but he has a real laugh thats more of a snort in reality (mixed with the squeaks usually)! he doesn't like it very much and tries to cover it up, they haven't genuinely laughed in years.

the whole "permanent lunar eclipse thing" is more of an illusion than anything, a simple manifestation of a distent memory clawing to get out

^adding on to this, real eclipses do still occur, which usually would be a net postive for most bloodmoons, but not this one.

also a little jumpscare for you,, believe it or not, Lord bloodmoon is more of a lunar than a bloodmoon. he also.. hasnt met a single lunar i think???? i will elaborate later but for now this is all you get :3

lord kc au

THORN LISTENS TO WILL WOOD. THORN LISTENS TO WILL WOOD. THORN LISTENS TO WILL WO-

thorn is transfem which i dont think ive mentioned? for most of (if not all?) of the story, she's unaware of that though unfortunately

crimson is just a little guy,, a little fella even,,, they straight up dont remember anything before the "incident" so they're literally just a child if you couldn't tell HAHSG

kc has a full fucking bunker for her kids that they use like.... scarily often lmao

star is kinda just doing his own thing tbh. he doesn't actually interact with his siblings very often aside from when hes bored and wants to be a bit of an asshole FJSNBFBS

and LAST BUT NOT LEAST! popstar au

the bm twins regularly kill people in the alleyway behind the venue after concerts, and they get literally no backlash for it FHAHGD. their fans are fucking feral and will defend them all the way. also i mean what are you gonna throw two INSANELY popular animatronics in jail for killing people? yeah actually NO! our justice system isnt good enough for that!

the whole focus of this au is on the twins BUT!! the others are there too, and they all have their own careers/hobbies!

solar and lunar are poledancers (BECAUSE POLEDANCING IS COOL GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER)

also sun and moon were like indie rock i think??? maybe a bit of folk/forestcore for earth in there

AS FOR LORE TRADE,,,, im gonna be so honest i dont anything about know many of your aus? uhm uhm but id be up to learn!!!! share whatever you want!!!!

okayyy thank you have a good day :3

[cloudcountry]

I wanted to ask why you hated Idia so much back then and the reason you adore him?

im gonna start telling people to pay me whenever they ask why i hate(d) idia because ive got this question easily 20 different times and frankly i'm losing money by not accepting payment

im not writing all that again i'm so tired of explaining it over and over ughhhh its not your fault min its just i seem to be a skipping record with how often i've had to repeat the same thing over and over and over for a YEAR and people just KEEP ASKING like ok you want to know about my relationship with idia shroud PAY UP!!!!!

anyways...i havent written about the things i adore about him yet so...

first first first!! the thing that made me gasp the softest gasp i have ever gasped in my life when i first saw it...his pink hair. its a bit superficial i guess but now that i like idia i think he's stunning. he's so hauntingly beautiful, especially when he's just a little bit flustered and the tips of his hair turn pink. what i would do to see his whole head turn pink PLEASE.

i also think his smile is so silly, even though it's usually accompanied by his smug ass voice "should'a leveled up more!" SHUT UP!!!!! i love his sharp teeth theyre so goofy nd silly but in a cute way. honestly i think his scowl is cute too, idk maybe i just like his lips but watching them twist up in annoyance when he rolls his eyes is attractive to me dont ask i dont know either. does that say something about me? maybe. i'm content with not knowing.

onto less superficial things...i just finished reading book six yesterday and it struck me how idia's heart is genuinely so beautiful. he loves so gently and fully, but with devotion that would destroy the world if he let it loose. being loved and treasured by idia is a privilege, because once he lets you in he would do anything for you (just dont fuck it up or i will beat you up im being so serious LEAVE HIM ALONE)

the extent to which he cares for ortho is so beautiful and so heartbreaking. "leave it to your big bro" im dead. everything he does is for ortho to have a safe and fulfilling life and honestly...it kind of seems like idia is trying to pay ortho back in a sense? like you died (because of me), now i will spend the rest of my life mourning you as punishment. he wants to give him the best life possible and thats just so ourgourgouhgohou,,,, his grieving is so complex and yet its so simple. heartbreaking i tell you.

on a lighter note, he's very passionate about the things he's into as well. one thing about figuring our how to like idia was turning my reaction to his condescending jabs from "oh he's such a know it all bitch what the hell people are literally just indulging in his interests what is wrong with him?" TO "oh he's just excited and getting an adrenaline rush, it's going to his head. he's happy. :)" and that was absolutely growth on my part because. ok AUBURN LORE TIME but i used to have a friend who was very condescending and a HUGE know it all (irl IRL IRL) and i think they definitely impacted how i saw idia because i saw bits of them in him. and since they hurt me so much i projected my experiences with them onto idia, so the first time i met him in game i wrote him off immediately and hated him after i saw what he said to others and how he acted.

but one of the many problems with that approach was that i missed the gentler sides of him. the way he goes back to school for ortho. the way he powers through the masquerade social for ortho. his idea of yuu being "valuable emotional support." his love of cats, regardless of how bad he scared grim. his love of star rogue and the way he made the sequel actually happen, albiet unintentionally. i spent so much time resenting him because "of course he's just another one of those." that i didn't stop to notice anything about him except for those bad moments. and of course, i'm not ignoring them now, i just see them differently. i see him differently.

of course i love that he's relatable, and that he's smart, and i love how when he's comfortable he loses his filter and becomes idia shroud instead of just being Scared of them, but i think that's just. social anxiety. and yk what ive said this before but even when i hated him i would NOT stand for anyone coming for his anxiety. like yeah i hate idia shroud but BITCH GET AWAY FROM HIM. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ANXIETY IS LIKE!!! put me in nrc right now idia shroud needs someone who will yell at people for him and thats going to be ME. i dont care who you are you say shit you are earning my IRE. trey clover got yelled at. no one is safe.

can i just say i love how you said "reason" like there's only one JDSJSDJSD LMAO IDK IT WAS JUST FUNNY TO ME when i love someone i have multiple reasons and i love every part of them, even the bad annoying icky parts (in fact, if you can't love their bad parts too is it even love...? i dont know, we all have different definitions anyway. some might think tolerating their bad parts is love too and we'd both be right.) theres no one reason i just think he's lovely inside and out now. he's an angel, basically.

[ynkfva]

im gonna answer this questions as my "dr self"

ib to @55maddox !!

1. In what reality do you live:

Yuri!!! On ice. ive never saw anyone shifting to there and its really amazing

2. What is your name:

Yelena Dmitriyevna Nikiforova. big ass name i know. fun fact: thats where my username came from

3. How other people call you? What are your nicknames, if you have any:

My russian friends and family usually call me Alyona, and my international friends call me Lena. My fans use both, but the media started calling me the "Ace of Skating" 😭🫶

4. How old are you:

Im 15 in that reality. Its SOOOO good being back at 2016. I didnt know i missed those times sm. but i miss tiktok

5. How tall are you:

1,70m or 5'8 (ig not sure tho)

6. What is your skin color:

White

7. Your body type:

Uhhh idk??? pear or hourglass

8. Your sign/birthday:

im a gemini and i was born in may 28th, in both universes

9. How do you describe yourself and your personality:

Very autistic /hj. i chose to not change my personality, but i dont judge those who do so. im usually quite and i like to read and paint. As much as im a figure skater, i hate off ice training. YAKOV LEMME GO BACK TO THE ICE ALREADY I TOLD YOU IM FINE-

10. Do you have living parents/siblings?:

I do!! Both parents and a brother who annoys the shit out of me. but i love vitya. my parents not so much. i just dont process them cuz of their money

11. What is your gender/pronouns:

Im a female and use she/her pronouns!

12. What is the color of your eyes:

Blue. very blue. like the sky. im not poetic.

13. How do your hair looks like, is it long or short?:

VEEEEERY long straight white hair (or platinum according to vitya). more than one meter of hair. it keeps beating yura on the face when we are training. dont let him know i do it on purpose

14. Do you have any scars/unique visual traits?:

I think not? i do have a mole under my left eye but i dont think thats unique

15. Do you have tattoos or piercings?:

Not yet but i want to do it!! At least a few

16. Signature scent?:

Idk? but its sweet. im terrible with scents

17. Do you have any powers/species abilities?:

Not in this universe

18. Were do you live, how does it looks like?:

I live in Saint Petersburg!! i really like the city, its a city with sm history and knowing that such great people used to live in there in the past makes my heart warm

19. Is there other people living with you right now?:

Yesss i live with my brother viktor

20. What do you do for a living?:

Im a professional figure skater. very hard but artistic job

27. Is there magic in your reality?:

No :(

22. How much money do you have?:

...a lot.

23. Who are your friends/best friends:

YURI PLISETSKY :DDD hes my everything yknow idk what i would do without him. im also friends with mila

24. Are you older or younger than them?:

Im the youngest on the ice rink 😭😭 but im only one month younger than yura so that really doesnt count

25. Do you have a crush on someone?:

No! Im aromantic :)

26. How did you meet everyone for the first time?:

Okay so theres a lot of someones in this dr. most of the people i met was because of figure skating and viktor already being famous when i started skating but lets talk about specific ppl.

I met yura when he moved to spb and started ballet classes with lilia. he was so cute and determined and i HAD to be his friend. i was doing ballet w him btw

Did you think I would meet yuuri along with yura in sochi gpf? cuz i didnt. not in person at least. i already knew yuuri from name cause im curious and i wanted to know everyone who was competing in senior and his artistic skills were REALLY good (he kinda reminds me of adam siao in this reality). you also thought i would meet yuuri in the banquet. but i didnt. well i DID saw him DRUNK DANCING WITH MY BROTHER and giving him a LAP DANCE but i was too busy filming and taking photos of it to talk to him. i only officially met him when me and yura traveled to japan

i met chris in one of vityas competitions when i was little. im like 13 years younger than viktor remember that. and i. i was jealous of chris taking my brothers attention. and i. i spat on him. yeah.

27. What are your hobbies:

Ballet, reading and painting

28. What do you like to talk about with friends:

We talk a lot about music and ice skating ofc but we talk a lot about everything tbh 😭 we dont shut up

29. What is your favorite food and drink:

(yuras) dedushkas pirozhki 🤤🤤🤤 ONE CHANCE TOLYA ONE CH- *yura's interdimensional slap*

uhhh drink? whatever i have to drink ig some soda. i dont like vodka

30. Your favorite color:

PINKKKKKK

31. Your clothing style:

i dress whatever i feel in the moment. i can dress coquette or gothic it depends

32. Your favorite place to spend time on:

Ice rink :)

33. Favorite sport, if you have one:

Ice skating duh

34. Favorite weather:

Rainy cold gray days

35. Favorite time of the day:

dawn

36. Favorite season:

Winter. but russias winter is ROUGH

37. Your biggest fear:

This is too deep to post on tumblr lol i dont even know

38. What makes you very angry?:

When im almost done w the routine and i miss a jump and YAKOV MAKE ME DO IT ALL AGAIN-

39. What makes you very happy?:

Whenever all of my friends have time to spend together

40. Do you have any pet?:

Its vityas but shes also mine. makkachin <33 good girl

41. Do you consider yourself a good fighter?:

I do! I made sure to script that i know how to fight lol

42. Is there any people you dont like?:

I would say jj but he just annoys me. OH. SARAS BROTHER. THAT GUY GIVES ME THE ICK

43. Do you have a favorite song that describes yourself, or just a favorite song in general?:

Gladiator by jann. really one of my favorite songs and it describes perfectly my dr

44. Can you play any instrument or dance?:

I can play piano and cello. i know how to dance waltz but thats it

45. Do you like to take risks and make new friends, or you are more reserved?:

Im more reserved

46. What do you do when you get very bored?

Reread crime and punishment

47. Are you a great leader?

No autism goes brrrrr

48. How is your daily routine?

wake up. hygiene. eat breakfast while watching tv. ice rink. skate. lunch w whoever is at the rink. skate. skate. skate. home. shower. read. sleep.

49. Your favorite smell

That one chocolate chris gave me in 2014

50. A big secret you have/know

yuri on ice fans might want to know what happened to viktors hair. i know.

vitya was celebrating after the banquet with some other skaters, drunk after winning gold in the olympics for the second time. he black out. he then woke up in the next afternoon, after missing his flight back home, with four other figure skater and three hockey players, all of them in the ground, wearing only underwear. his hair was a mixture of vomit, alcohol and dirt from the floor. there were even a few gum stuck to it. he was not the only one.

so he had to cut it yeah

[dreamsgazer]

OK SO mine isn't really a request because I have ideas but I can't write so they go nowhere and stay in my head because I'm incapable!!! anyway, I was thinking about a situation where reader and tangerine met on the train and they hit off right away like there's something special between them eheh, like they like each other but turns out that they're both on a mission and have the same goal - so they fight because reader steals the WHATEVER IT IS IDK that's in both their interest and manages to get off the train right under tangerine's nose when he was about to stop them, doing so in a fight reader rips tangerine's necklace, and basically breaks it and ultimately keeps it (and fixes it) . just in case. because they like him. genuinely. in fact she's very sorry for ruining the mission of the twins but it's a matter of life or death sooo rip AND they're also indirectly but maybe directly? the cause of the nasty scar tangerine now has on his neck because he risked his life because of this failed mission. and then I mean we all know what happens canonically but we Dont Care do we.... it's all a scar and a memory in the end.

ANYWAY they finally meet again when they're forced to team up by their handlers for another mission and like tangerine and lemon are mad mad because everyone was about to die on that train!! because of reader!!!! duh. also R feels very guilty because all that has happened / could've happened. and tangerine of course is angry because he was losing his life but also because he kinda was disappointed in their behavior and maybe in himself for trusting so easily a person.. anddd idk maybe there could be some angst because I love it and that's it THIS IS SO DUMB AND LONG I'm sorry I know I'll probably look to this request in a while and cringe so bad. but I'm just curious to see how you would continue it, like what do you think would happen, what are the first things they say to each other, how does it evolve things like that 🥰

of course, if you don't feel like writing anything that's totally fine and don't worry at all❤️❤️

p. s. : im sure ive taken the prompt where reader steals / ruins tangerine's mission from other fics as well so kudos to whoever came up with the idea :)

Dear Anon, first of all, thank you so much for your patience. I’m usually slow to answer, and with things being very busy at work I’m even slower. Please, do not cringe, it was awesome to read your ideas, and I was so happy you sent this message. Thank you so much ❤️ , and I hope you enjoy how this turned out!

A Darling Mess

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" you groan, letting your head hit the wall behind you. The golden necklace glints between your fingers.

You didn't mean to steal it. You really didn't. You didn't mean to run into the Twins and most certainly didn't mean to hook up with the moustached one in one of the bathrooms on that cursed train either.

More accurately, you shouldn't have wanted to hook up with him, but as soon as the two of you had crossed paths in one of the carriages, you knew it was going to happen. And when it happened it was quick and glorious and earth-shaking, and you hoped you were going to see him again. 

Then everything went to shit, you two fought for that damned suitcase - his hands apparently were really good for many different things - and you barely ran away from that train with all your limbs.

Your smartphone buzzes incessantly. It's your handler.

"Where are you?"

It's not like him to sound so distressed.

"Not sure about the exact position, it's an alley near Nagoya station. I think I need a lift."

He tells you about a derailed bullet train and how it seems a lot of people - assassins like you, but still... people - died. One of the Twins as well, according to the info he got. The moustached one. You feel a pang of pain in your chest, which is stupid because he was just a stranger you fucked on a train.

A year has passed. Tokyo has slowly just started to become a mission you will remember with regret for a long time when you find yourself pointing your weapon at Moustache Guy again. While he's doing the same. And his brother is aiming a gun at you as well.

Shit.

You are more surprised to see him most definitely alive than to have him threatening you.

“You owe me a great deal,” he hisses, low and dangerous “You fucked up our mission, stole my fucking necklace, and almost got me killed. Almost got my brother killed as well! Why shouldn’t I murder you on the spot?”

You frown “First of all, the necklace got caught in my jacket while you were using me as a human punching ball. Second,” you add, eyes only quickly flickering on the huge, angry scar on his neck “one of you is going to kill me for sure, but I can guarantee you I will take the other down with me.”

Anger blazes in his eyes and you push further, adrenaline pumping in your veins “Third, asshole, you and your brother here screwed up since the moment you decided to leave the suitcase and the boy you were supposed to escort unguarded! What utterly morons do that?”

A pause and then you decide to further test your luck “Last but not least, I’m sorry you two almost got killed. I can apologize for my part in that, even if it’s a small one. But I won’t accept you blaming me for the rest, Moustache Boy!”

His nostrils flare, and he glares at you. It’s unfair that he looks even more ravishing with that savagery seeping from him in hot waves. Also, you probably shouldn’t get distracted by that, since the danger of being shot is a very real one.

Lemon’s laughter is short, and he nods at you, interrupting the impasse “This one got quite a temper, uh? I kind of see the fascination with the... situation.”

Tangerine snarls an insult at him, but it carries no real venom. 

In the end, after some calls from your handler and his reminders to the Twins that they have to collaborate with you on this mission and an offer to triple the pay for all of your messed up trio, guns are put away, hands tentatively shaken, and scowls mostly kept under control. 

You know they still blame you for your part in the train debacle. Yet, true to their professional reputation, they carry through the mission. It’s a long one.

Living in such proximity inevitably leads to some kind of tepid intimacy. Lemon is the first one to soften up a bit. He starts to ask you if you want some coffee. He asks you about your favourite book, once he spots you reading it to fight your insomnia. He thanks you after you retrieve a USB pen that will help with the job. And one day he gives you a sticker of some train and tells you that despite everything you are not a Diesel. You are not sure what it means, and Tangerine indeed scoffs at the words, but after that things are a little less tense, between the three of you.

Tangerine slowly stops glaring at you and once he almost compliments your ability in combat, after you knock out a goon that was going to stab him. 

The progress is little but steady, and one night, for a hilarious twist of the events, the moon finds you two looking outside the same window, in the little apartment you have been given as a base.

“I’m sorry you got shot.”

He nods at your words, slightly sniffing and making his moustache move over his very kissable lips. 

“Thanks,” he hesitates before quickly murmuring his own apology about blaming you and only you “I think my ego got a tad hurt realizing you shagged me just because of a honeypot mission.”

“I didn’t,” it's the quiet murmur that gently interrupts his gruff confession. 

He scoffs “I very much think we did it in that bathroom, love.”

“Not that,” you roll your eyes at him “I meant it wasn’t a honeypot mission. I- I did not hook up with you because of work. I didn’t even know you and Lemon were the ones having that cursed briefcase, at the time.”

Tangerine just looks at you, and you look back at him “I have your necklace. It got a bit damaged, but I had a jeweller fix it. I know it’s stupid, but I thought-”

Your voice dies down a bit and you are not really shocked to feel his calloused hand gently cupping your face, making you look at him “What did you think?”

You swallow “I thought I was going to find out where Lemon put your grave and bring the necklace there.”

You feel a tear roll down your cheek, and then another, and another. He kisses them, one by one, his lips lingering on your soft skin, and you sob “I’m so stupidly glad you didn’t die.”

He chuckles against your lips “So am I, my darling.”

You kiss him and he kisses you back, and the morning after Lemon is not surprised to catch you coming out from Tangerine’s bedroom.

Sensing your hesitation, he winks at you “Glad it happened. Be good to him, ya?”.

And of course, you nod back, with all your heart.

[dobiemart]

# — 01:02, ive got my eye on you.

paring, neteyam sully x na'vi! reader

wc, around 600

wrns, uhhhhhhhhh being outside idfk, the use of the word you is irritating as shit im so sorry

notes, prob ooc but ive obviously never written for him before so please dont banish me, its also been a hot minute since ive written in general

i dont really like this fic but yawl have it cause i cant delete a story with my husband in it

the beauty surrounding every inch of pandora was enough to keep you distracted for ages. each living thing had its own story to tell, a purpose to live, a partner to share their grounds with.

you took in the scenery with great detail, noting every reaction of what eywa had created for the people to enjoy. it was very easy to get lost in the patterns of plants aligning the pathway you strode through often.

as you continued walking, alerts to something – more less someone – traversing with you became more apparent. a twig snap here, a rustled bush there, and stifled laugh or two thrown in the mix.

the sounds became closer and closer, stalking its way close near you. a small smirk couldn't help but bully its way onto your face, knowing what was to come in a matter of seconds.

you heard the creature release one last breath, before starting to charge and pounce on your tall frame before–

“don't even think about it.”

though you couldn't see, you knew his shoulders deflated after you’d recognised him, his ears and tail drooping in defeat.

“how’d you know it was me?” neteyam huffed, disappointment laced in his voice. he took a series of large steps to get in front of you, sporting a small pout to exaggerate his emotion.

“you act as if i've ever fallen for it. a different tactic would benefit you, skxawng.” you snickered back at the boy.

since you were introduced by him accidentally sneaking up on you, he'd to sneak up on you like a predatory viperwolf everytime he had the chance.

after the first time, he never succeeded, yet he tried. the determination to get one small scare from you was quite cute.

“must you always ruin my fun, y/n?" he gave a goofy smile and a huff, repositioning himself to walk beside you.

“must you always invade my walks? one day i’ll be fooled into thinking you were a pack of nantangs. 'm gonna send you to eywa early,” you jokingly scolded, emphasizing your words with a small flick, earning a slight hiss.

unlike usual, neteyam didn't retort with a sassy remark. he’d gone deathly silent. if you couldn't feel his large presence beside you, you’d think he’d gone.

turning to see what had made him quiet, you were met with his luminous eyes staring daggers into your skull. his gaze wasn't broken by being caught, instead focusing on the glint in your eyes.

“what? is there something on me, nete?” you questioned, still immensely confused from the sudden mood switch.

“no. nothing is on you, my tsahìk. i just like looking at you, that is all.” he said, as if it was common sense. it brought a sudden heat into your skin, spreading throughout your body.

you covered your mouth, not wanting to show the childish smile sprouting upon your lips. though, neteyam didn't appreciate that. he moved himself in front of you again, blocking you from continuing on the path.

looking down at your slightly smaller frame, his mothers gaze shining through, neteyam gently pulled your hand away. he needed to see your smile, knowing that he was the one that put it on your face.

“you don't ever have to hide from me, my love.” he paused shortly, wondering if he’d used the name he heard his dad use right. “i want to see you. i do see you.”

he rested his forehead against yours, gaining a sweet smile of his own when you returned his gaze.

“and i see you, neteyam.”

additional talk, wake up!! its the first fic of the month!!!

i toldd yawlll i go on hella hiatusesss... but im back because my avatar phase is reuniting for neteyam and lo'ak and jake and neytiri and did i mention neteyam and my baby daddy neteyam (if u cant tell i love neteyam.)

i cannot explain how much i love every single second of anything avatar related and im glad everybody is realizing these 10 foot motherfuckers with hourglass bodies are fuckable loveable.

there will mosttt def be more fics coming soon (and i promise ima hit those requests asap), along with my annual monthly blog revamp and such and such yada yada whatever i miss my boy and im tired goodnight.

© dobiemart 2023 — ☆ (OH MY GOD ITS 2023 JHAHSHF)

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[louscartridge]

⇢ ˗ˏˋselenite

han jisung x gn reader

cw- could be really fucking triggering!! selfharm (cutting, burning, hitting, nail/skin picking, working out), comfort, cuddling, reader and jisung say ily, crying, reader goes on a vent, reader has a bit of an anger and pain problem.

han could tell you were having a hard time with staying clean.

the way you would bite your nails and the skin around them more than usual, the way you would bite the inside of your mouth and tongue all the time, they way you would hit your thighs whenever you would get mad. you wouldn’t tell him anything about it though, you didn’t have to.

when han got back to the dorms, he didn’t expect to see you there at all, let alone see you with your arms hugging your knees to your chest, head buried inbetween them and sobbing silently.

han quickly sets his bag down next to the door and makes his way over to you on his bunk. “jagiya, whats wrong?” he asks carefully.

of course he’d had ideas of what might be wrong, but he also couldn’t know for sure if he was correct. he knew that if he was right, he needed to at least try to help you in some way, but he also knew if he was way off, he had to tread around it carefully.

you take in a long, shaky breath before answering. “i cant do it anymore ji”

jisung’s heart dropped at your words.

“do what anymore?”

“stay clean. i hate it. all of it. everyone keeps telling me i’ve been nicer since i’ve been clean.” you wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve before continuing. “which is bullshit, by the way, i dont think i’ve been acting any different. i’m mad. all the time. i mean, i was before but whenever i would get mad i was able to do something about it. now? i can’t do shit.”

your crying begins to stop as you speak and the anger in your voice slowly increases.

“felix keeps telling me i can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy now. which yeah, you could say that- but it’s stupid. ive tried other things, healthy things. but nothing works. pain was.. is, the only thing that actually helps me. with everything.  pain is the only thing that would bring me back. i would cut and burn and hit to feel it. to see it. to see and feel that i’m real. it would bring my anger back down. i would punch a wall so hard my hand would hurt, i would throw something so hard to where my shoulder would ache. pain is the only fucking way and now i can’t even do that. i need to relapse soon or i swear to god i’m gonna go fucking insane.”  

“changbin hyung says i can go to the gym with him, which i think i might do.”

jisung did nothing but gaze at you and listen until he was sure you were done. something he knew no one ever really did in your life.

when you finished and looked at him, he prepared his response.

“i know you hate it, but it’ll be worth it. eventually. and you have been nicer, to an extent.” han said and moved so he was sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“i’m pretty sure thats just how you are though.” he laughs. “and felix is right, in a way. you can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy. it might feel like it doesn’t do anything but you just gotta get used to it and you will. it’s just gonna take time and this is the hardest part. you gotta put the effort in - you can’t just do something once and expect it to work overnight, you have to put work into it for it to have an affect on your life. something you do a lot is rely on other people.”

“oh but i thought-” you began.

jisung cut you off, knowing what he had said sounded harsh and knowing what you were going to say. ‘oh, but i thought you were ok with that’.

“you can rely on me all you want, that’s fine, as long as you know its not exactly heathy. but you can’t really do that with other people. i know pain has always been a big thing for you, has been since we met. but it’s not something that you should keep doing and you know it. do you think you’ll be able to trust yourself to work out with changbin without turning it into self-harm again?”

“i don’t know, thats why i haven’t gone with him yet. i think if i do it with someone else i would be able to. but probably not if i were to work out by myself.”

han sighed and went to say something but you didn’t let him.

“can we just go to sleep please? i’m so tired and i miss you.” you ask, your voice getting quiet.

“of course jagi.”

han moves behind you and spoons you as you both lay down.

you bury your face in his arms that encircle you.

“i love you. so much. so does chan, and felix, and everyone else in this dorm. just not as much as i do obviously.” han says quietly.

the last part of his sentence made you giggle.  

“you’re becoming yourself again. it might not feel like it yet, but i can see it in you.” han says and kisses your shoulder.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his hands as you both fall asleep.