#i know people definitely have it worse with their jobs but this is killing me
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carneflower13 · 2 years ago
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i honestly think my job is what’s keeping my depression symptoms around
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arrowpunk · 18 days ago
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Like. I don't want to die. I just want to like. Stop existing as a person for a week or two. Or maybe a month. Step out of the flow of time and just do nothing other than nap for a long while. I want to be able to put things on pause until I don't feel burnt out dead on my feet anymore because I feel like I did when I nearly collapsed in public after having 2 days off and it still not being enough rest and I had to quit my job because of it.
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alveolaraspergillosis · 4 months ago
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yesterday bf mid fight (?) slash discussion of my deteriorating mental and physical health said that my breath has been really bad for some time now and he didn’t wanna say anything but based on my latest behaviour he’s worried it’s cuz i’ve been too depressed to brush my teeth regularly. anyway guess who has now given herself gum damage in under 18 hours
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bruisedboys · 1 year ago
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jealous finnick?
jealous finnick will be the death of me!!!!!!
finnick odair x fem!reader
Breakfast in District 13 is an unusual affair. Nothing like you’re used to, being from District 4. It’s the same every morning — boring grey oatmeal with either honey or berries, depending on the day. It’s only as you take your seat next to Finnick that you realise you’ve forgotten the very crucial toppings.
“Oh no, I forgot to get berries,” you bemoan. They’re definitely all gone by now, seeing as they’re in popular demand — the oatmeal served in 13 tastes like cardboard without them.
“Here, have mine,” Gale says from across the table. You open your mouth to protest but he’s already spooning a big heap of berries into your bowl. They bleed red and purple into your otherwise plain oatmeal. “I don’t like ‘em, anyway. Too sour.”
“Oh.” You smile at him, flattered. Gale’s been nothing but kind to you since you arrived in District 13. You haven’t put it down to anything other than friendliness. Though it’s possible you’re too enamoured with the blonde next to you that you’re completely oblivious to other men’s advances. “Thanks, Gale.”
Gales smiles back and shrugs. “No problem, Y/N.”
Next to you and unbeknownst to you, Finnick scowls. He hates that Gale’s so nice to you. Loathes it. He knows it’s because you’re a ray of sunshine who draws even the coldest of people in (believe him, he’s experienced it), but the fact that Gale gave you his berries before Finnick could even offer his makes his blood boil. 
Who does he think he is? Everyone knows you’re Finnick’s girl, he’s made it very clear. It’s the whole reason you’re here, after all — Finnick specifically requested you be picked up from home before the Quarter Quell ended, to prevent anything from happening to you.
Breakfast passes without further incident. If you notice Finnick’s sour mood, you don’t mention it. You’re leaving the canteen with everyone else when Finnick grabs your waist and pulls you to the side, into an empty hallway. He peers over your shoulder to make sure Gale’s good and gone, watching the back of his head with a glare that could kill, before turning his attention to you.
“Finnick,” you say, clearly confused at his sudden manhandling. “What’s the matter with you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Finnick says shortly.
“You look mad.”
“I’m not.”
You squint at him. “You’re definitely mad. Why are you—?”
Finnick forgoes restraint and yanks you forward, pressing his mouth to yours before you can say anything else. His chest burns with molten hot jealousy, it climbs up his throat and pours into the kiss, hot and sticky. The heat ebbs though, when you kiss him back just as fervently, replaced by a fuzzy warmth only you can make him feel. It buzzes in his chest and down his arms, flares out his palm as he takes your face into one hot hand.
He pulls back just as suddenly as he’d drawn in. “You know Gale’s flirting with you, right?” He says abruptly, thumb pressed to your cheekbone.
You blink up at him, still dazed from his kissing. “What?” You ask, half laughing. “No, he’s not.”
“He is. He gave you his berries. I was going to give you mine.”
You raise both eyebrows. “He was just being nice to me.”
“Yeah, well, that’s my job.”
Finnick supposes he sounds quite pathetic. He doesn’t really care, not when your eyes go all gooey and you reach up on your tiptoes to push a curl from his forehead.
“Are you jealous?” You ask him softly, tucking his hair behind his ear. Your breath fans over his mouth and your hand lingers at his throat. “You sound jealous.”
Finnick rolls his eyes. “So what if I am? Just— have mine next time, okay?”
You smile at him, pretty as starlight. “Okay. But you don’t have to be jealous, you know? I only want you.”
Woah, Finnick thinks. “I know,” he says, too quick, his voice a notch too high.
You raise your eyebrows at him. “Do you though?” You ask, definitely teasing now. He supposes he got off lucky, you could’ve done much worse finding out he’s so sickeningly jealous over Gale, of all people.
Still, Finnick narrows his eyes at you. “Alright, that’s enough.”
Your answering giggle is smothered as Finnick swoops in to kiss you again.
-
thank you for reading! please consider reblogging if u enjoyed 🤍
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teaboot · 4 days ago
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TOP 10 PERSONAL FAVE MOVIES TO WATCH WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ASS
I don't like movies that stress me out because life is already stressful but I DO love catharsis comedy found family friendship fantasy and violence so here are my top 10 movies and series to have a good time watching
Numbered for convenience but not in any particular order
John Wick 1 and 2: An ordinary man grieving the loss of his wife gets dragged back into his past as a shadowy, invisible world of international killers for hire is slowly revealed to be living among us. A love note to set design, lighting, and choreography. My favourite part is fixating on the symbolism. DO NOT WATCH 3. 4 is okay. DO NOT WATCH 3. There is a dog death in 1 that will make you cry so skip that part if you have to. DO NOT WATCH 3.
The lord of the Rings, all 3, extended edition best watched if you're on the couch with the flu and expect to fall asleep OR if it's your day off and it's raining outside OR if you have like 5 people lounging around in pajamas
Six Underground: Essentially an hour and a half long car commercial music video with found family and a fresher take on acommon plot. Ryan Reynolds essentially writes and directs a Michael Bay movie where 6 independant criminals gather together to overthrow a violent foreign dictatorship. You show up for a dumb heist and walk out ready to build a guillotine. TW for violence, car crashes, chemical warfare, and genocide. A very cathartic ending. Does unfortunately do the whole "vague, impoverished middle-eastern country" thing but the citizens are actually show as human beings which is a nice change of pace and oh wow that's depressing isn't it
The Princess Diaries 1 and 2: A sort-of-a-loser teenage girl, played by a 2001 Annie Hathaway, learns that her late father was a king of a foreign nation and must become a confident and responsible leader for his people. There is a scene in the rain where you will experience emotions. Best watched with snacks. 2 features an enemies-to-lovers type deal with Chris Pine.
Ella Enchanted: A shrek-style semi-musical fantasy romance in which a young woman is cursed at birth to do everything anyone tells her to do. Features several Queen songs and dance numbers sung by Annie Hathaway and that guy who plays the sad dog guy in Hannibal.
Stardust: A huge loser travels from 1800s England (?) to a magical world in order to fetch a fallen star for the insufferable love of his life before she marries a massive douchebag. The huge loser? Charlie Cox. The star? A living person. Also a whole bunch of princes are ALSO looking for them as a race for the throne while discreetly killing each other off. And also a bunch of witches want to eat her so they can be young and sexy. 11/10. I used to watch this 10 minutes at a time on a YouTube channel that posted it in chunks filmed on a digital camera in their living room
The Last Holiday: Queen Latifah, playing someone played by Queen Latifah, has been working an underappreciated minimum wage job for years, living a safe and conservative life trying to lose weight and save money. Then she finds out she has months to live, and decides to finally quit her job and blow it all on one massive luxury holiday vacation complete with five-star dining, making friends and finding love and confidence along the way. It's definitely corny but it makes me so happy thank you Queen Latifah
Zathura: It's the plot to the original Jumanji but in space instead of the rainforest. But listen to me: There's a twist reveal at the end that you need to pretend isn't there. It is vitally important when you get to that part- and you will know what part when it happens- that you pretend it didn't. Otherwise, a fresh and enjoyable adventure for any age!
Redacted cause I haven't seen it in a long time and it may be worse than I remember, gotta rewatch
Bullet Train. You go in expecting a ham-fisted find-the-mcguffin style action comedy and are blindsided by excellent narrative symmetry and genuinely likeable characters. Fresh takes on old themes and creative action sequences. My little brother said "It's good", and he's a man who once sincerely argued that Lord of the Rings could have been better. It's fun and punchy violence with just enough smart stuff to not let your brain get bored
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atinystraynstay · 9 months ago
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Pretty Boy Rock - Yoon Jeonghan
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Synopsis: Every girl in your office swooned over Yoon Jeonghan besides you. Yet, Jeonghan always liked a challenge.
Pairing: Colleague!Yoon Jeonghan x fem. reader
Genre: "I won't fall for you because everyone else does" girl meets the "I get whoever I want" boy
Inspired by @aaniag - thanks for tagging me in this post ♡ this is only the second one so we still have a long way to go!
First Encounters Mini Series: #1: #2: #3: #4: Wonwoo #5: Jeonghan #6: #7: #8: Dino
Word Count: 2k
Friday afternoon, 12:25pm
"Did you see what Jeonghan is wearing today?" "Girl, how could I not notice? My attention was all over his slacks." "The front or the back?"
Oh god. Give me a fucking break.
If there was one thing you hated, it was gossip around the office. Especially when it came in the form of girls basically drooling over one of your colleagues, Yoon Jeonghan. And of all places, they decided to take their little thirst fest into the break room.
"You know, there is something that I noticed," you said, popping into the conversation.
Immediately, heads snapped towards your direction. You were a bit taken back by the abrupt movement, fearing that their own heads would fall off. Either because they didn't realize you were in the room or they were interested in what you out of all people had to say. You were one of the few survivors of the trance Jeonghan seemed to place over your female colleagues. And if you had something to say regarding the matter, they surely were interested.
You couldn't help but smile slightly as you set down your silverware. The element of surprise had to be on your side here. You just had come in to enjoy your salad, but why not enjoy a show?
All the women leaned in, anticipating for what you might have to say. Your eyes glanced from side to side, as if you were scooping the scene to make sure there were no unwanted listeners. Getting the hint, the women leaned further in to hear the secret you were about to spill.
Time to go in the for the kill. In the loudest voice you could possible muster, you said the following:
"The way you talk about Jeonghan is quite disgusting. You hate when the men in the office talk about your skirts or how tight your blouses, but here you are drooling over Jeonghan in just a pair of pants? Pathetic. Close your mouths, ladies, or you might flood the office."
The small group gasped at you, eyes glaring at you but also glancing around to make sure nobody had looked in their direction. Their faces red in embarrassment as you smirked triumphantly.
Being the polite person you are, you bowed your head gently to pardon yourself. Gathering all the trash from your lunch, you threw it away and was about to make your exit.
"You're just upset that you're not Jeonghan's type," one of the woman muttered.
You couldn't help but laugh at their claim. You turned towards the group who seemed to be mustering all the courage they could to stand up to you. At the same time, you raised an eyebrow and had your hands on your hips. Do they really think their words will hurt you?
"Oh no! What will I ever do?" You said dramatically. "At least I don't live in some delusion where me and my friends are all after the same guy? I mean, he can only pick one of you. Or worse, he picks none of you."
Their eyes widened and mouths dropped at your words. Don't mess with the bull or you might get the horns. They seemed to be trying to come up with another comeback, but all you could do was walk away. Not worth wasting your breath on them.
You began to make your way back to your cubicle. You still had a few reports you needed to get done with before you could close out for the weekend. It wasn't that you hated your job. If anything, you kind of liked the routine it put you in. You even were beginning to be handed more responsibilities like leading presentations and joining brainstorming sessions for different marketing campaigns.
You definitely didn't have the time to be oogling over the looks of Yoon Jeonghan.
As you settled back at your dress, you let out a sigh. As invested as you were in the work you were doing, you couldn't help but feel as if time was dragging now that it was towards the later part of the day. Just 3 more hours.
"Well look who it is," a voice called out.
The hairs on the back of your neck rose a bit. You recognized that voice anywhere. Your attention was locked on the computer monitor in front of you, thinking that if you ignore the interruption it would just go away naturally. That was until you felt like something was looming over.
With a narrow gaze, you looked up to see the devil himself - Yoon Jeonghan. His arms rested against the top of your cubicle wall. You realy thought you had been silent enough to get back to work without alerting the beast. But by judging by the smirk curled on his lips, you knew he had been waiting for you. The black tie was loose around his neck with the sleeves of his white button up were rolled up to his forearms.
"Missed you, darling." "What can I do to help you, Mr. Yoon?" You did your best to keep a montone voice.
You didn't want to give any sort of impression you could be into what is happening.
"Mr. Yoon? What is with the formalies, y/n?" He gasped. "Well, I'm here to do my job and not entertain whatever this is," you explained.
"Is it actually that harmful for a man to be friendly?" "But what's the catch?" "Go out with me."
Your eyes widened and you nearly laughed. He frowned at your reaction but still stood his ground. There was no need to give any indicator that his ego had deflated a bit. He was not used to someone being so upfront with their rejection, normally accustomed to a shy "I don't know." But you were different. There was a reason he did this little waltz with you.
You and Jeonghan have been working together since you joined the company last year. He was technically someone in your department that could have been a mentor, but you were quickly swayed away by his flirtatious manner. Seeing that you were not dropping on your knees, begging for his attention, Jeonghan saw the challenge and knew he could beat it. There was a way to get into your heart, no matter how icy and impenetrable you wanted to come across.
He would crack the code, one way or another.
"I don't think it's a joke, doll. We're two attractive people. Come on. One meal couldn't hurt you." "Jeonghan, being in the same room as you is sometimes insufferable. How do I even know you don't want to go out with me because someone else was busy, hmm? I mean, weren't you just coupled up with the receptionist?" "Couldn't be fit into her Google Calendar."
You rolled your eyes at his response before dropping your gaze back down to your computer. You pretended to be typing away at one of the numerous documents you had pulled open, hoping it was enough for Jeonghan to get the hint.
However, he could tell you weren't budging quite yet. He also picked up on your little act as your screen was completely black. The brightness from the screen wasn't reflecting onto your face whatsoever. Still, he found you absolutely adorable.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. This is unprofessional of me, y/n. I'll leave you be."
Fucking finally.
Monday morning, 8:59am
Ding
Your heels clicked along the tile flooring of your office. It poured during your commute into work, which caused you to be stuck behind more traffic than usual. You didn't always mind, but it just put you in a foul mood. Especially since you had to sacrifice your Monday morning coffee run. It was ritual for you, and now the whole week felt like it was just off balance.
"Woah y/n. Your bad mood seems to have brought the bad weather," a voice called out to you.
Your gaze narrowed in the direction the voice came from. Your hair was slightly damped as you had to run into the front of the building from your parking spot because of course you didn't think it was going to run and didn't bring an umbrella with you.
Looking over, you noticed it was one of the girls from the break room on Friday. You rolled your eyes to refrain yourself from sticking up your middle finger. You just offered a polite smile before marching to your desk. As you moved, you heard her and her friends giggling at you. This is why you despised any sort of office relationship.
"Hey, y/n. You okay?" Jeonghan called out.
You were about to enter your cubicle when you saw Jeonghan overlooking your cubicle again. Your jacket rested on the back of your chair. it would be a miracle if it dried at all before the end of the day. You were also grateful you had a pair of flats you could change into in attempt to save your soaked shoes too. Plus, it as a good excuse to slip out of heels. You didn't mind wearing them but always valued comfort over appearance.
"Yeah," you murmured.
Usually, you would expect a snide comment from Jeonghan. Or a flirty attempt in righting the situation. But there was nothing. It cause you to freeze and look up to see what was going on. Jeonghan was only staring at you with almost a friendly smile on his face. Not a smirk but a smile.
You wanted to question it, but as you were calming down from your hectic morning, something else caught your attention. An iced coffee was sitting on your desk with a winky face on it. What the fuck?
You opened your mouth to question it but looked at Jeonghan instead. In response, he winked at you before slipping behind the wall that divided the two of you.
Standing there, you felt something unusual throughout your body. You felt warm and tingly, especially in your stomach. Your heart was doing somersaults. It was comparable to in cartoons when the heart leaps out of the character's chest. You stared at the coffee, specifically at the marker drawn winky face staring back at you.
Jeonghan did this? For me?
Your eyes couldn't help but wonder to see if this was a prank or if there was a hidden camera. Jeonghan still wasn't lurking in his usual spot. You also noticed that nobody else had an iced coffee on their desk awaiting for them. A blush overtook your cheeks, but you quickly sat down before anyone noticed.
Reaching forward, you moved the plastic container towards you to see it was from the local coffee shop you frequent. It was the place you went every Monday morning, the place you had to skip out on today or else you would be late. But what struck you was that he got your exact order.
Your blush intensified. You kept your head ducked as you took a sip out of the delicious drink. There was no denying the smile on your face wasn't just because of the coffee but because of Yoon Jeonghan.
And on the other side of the wall, Jeonghan was smirking to himself. He got his computer turned on before going to make himself a cup of coffee from the break room. He didn't often frequent coffee shops as they often didn't have decaf coffee. When he walked into the place around the corner from your office building, he asked the woman behind the corner if you had been in yet. Saying no and noting how odd it was, Jeonghan seized the opportuntiy. He asked for your usual order and requested a winky face drawn on it.
"Are you her boyfriend? She's mentioned there's a guy she's interested in at her place of work."
That's all the encouragement Jeonghan needed to go through with his plan. He shook his head but smiled at the barista. "No, not yet. I'm hoping this catches her attention."
And by the looks of your blushing face, he was close to winning you over. He always gets what he wants, and he certainly had his eyes locked on you.
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lotus-slumbers · 5 months ago
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Yandere batfamily x addict reader?
Would they exploit and manipulate the reader, making em solely dependent on the family for their fix — either to originally trap them at the manor or continuing to supply em forever, because it makes the reader dependant on them, acting all cuddly and desperate. or would they reform and sober up the reader? Have em go through a whole rehabilitation process style.
Gotham’s not safe for the poor reader, imagine all the villains who’d kill em for the drugs they’re so dependent on? But it’s okay! Because the Wayne’s will protect em. Whether the reader wants them to or not isn’t up for debate.
If you’re uncomfortable with this topic I totally understand. Just send me a message to say pls??
Yandere! Batfam x Addict! Reader Headcannons
Tw: addiction, substance abuse, etc.
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— If there was anything that could accelerate the Batfam abducting adopting their darling sooner, this would be it.
— In their eyes, this is a type of abuse. Abuse from all of those around you and nobody is safe from the pointing of their accusatory finger. Not even those people who truly are innocent and have tried to help.
— You may notice people around you drawing away, avoiding you. Maybe some friends who you used to talk with who shared the same addiction, others a dealer who supplied you.
— Though, you may not notice this at all because they'll work quick.
— The term "self-harm" is thrown around once while discussing your habitual substance abuse and that's it. That's all it takes to make them snap and agree unanimously that, yes, this is for the best. Today is the day, if they have everything completely set up for you or not.
— Within twenty-four hours, you'll be in the manor with your family. Right where you belong.
— Rich people get same-day delivery!! Woohoo!! 🙌 🚚
— Of course, that isn't the only motivator for the Wayne's to take you. As much as it pains them to see you suffering at your own hands, they understand just how well the scum of Gotham can and will hurt you.
— They'll take care of the vermin that supplied and enabled you all the same. They have a duty to Gotham, it was going to happen eventually, just now there might be a little bit more passion to it... They won't tell you about it, though.
— The Batfam would most definitely attempt to nip the problem in the bud, forcing you to go cold turkey immediately.
— Bruce will have everything thought out. He's spent countless hours since learning about your issues researching in depth everything he could possibly need to know.
— They have patches at the ready for you when you start to feel the effects of withdrawal. They have stress balls and plenty of activities to try and keep your mind elsewhere and on other things.
— And eyes on you, always.
— And a bracelet, pressed snuggly against your skin and seemingly impossible to get off, to monitor your health. Reports directly at their fingertips, whenever they want it.
— They want you in the best condition they can have you. Not just physically, but mentally too. Bruce would most likely like to have one-on-one conversations with you, about life before, your transitioning here, and, of course, how you are doing with withdrawal.
— If he thinks you're not doing a good enough job with him, he can always pay for the best help available. With his amount of money, nobody has to know either... So don't think of asking them to help you. You won't be believed or they simply won't do it.
— Bruce, Dick, and Jason would probably be the worse about lecturing you on it. Mention withdrawal to them or any desire to return to what you once had... Oh boy, good luck.
— Bruce would go on and on about your health. How he loves you. Wants what is best for you, even if you cannot see it. A deep look of disappointment and concern behind his eyes. He won't school it, he wants to to see it. Feel it and stop. Grow into the person he knows you can be, with their help. Let him protect you.
— Dick is fairly similar to Bruce in this regard, although he is a little more relaxed, trying to be on your level while also acting as your "older brother," something he takes much pride in. He'll probably baby you more than the others, offering to help find alternatives and promise rewards for your efforts (not that you have much of a choice in the matter).
— Jason, though? Jason Todd, the little boy who grew up on the streets? Watch the lives of those he loved so much be ruined and so cruelly snatched away by these exact things? No way. It hits way too close to home, especially since it's you.
— He's understanding towards you so long as you don't push too far. One mention of wanting it and he's on your ass, telling you off about it. He'll help with withdrawal. He'll help you get over it, be a shoulder to lean on and a friend to laugh with, but, God, don't you dare threaten him like that ever again.
— Tim helps with Bruce and his plans most of all, going through all the little details to help plan out the smoothest way to go about this.
— Damian is pissed that you would even ever do any of this in the first place, beating you in his weakest, more frustrated moments but this reaffirms to him that you need him.
— Really, this reaffirms all of them that, despite any guilt, they may feel for the "crimes" they committed for you, it was the right choice. That their darling needed them, desperately.
— They'll never give up on you, not in your darkest moments or theirs. They love you, through and through, and would give the world to you if only you asked.
— But they'd never, ever let you do that to yourself. Your last high was the last time you would ever, ever be.
— They know they could supply you, that it could be an easy way to control you and gain your love. Love that they are so desperately longing for, wanting to be returned, but they won't do it. They can't do that. Not to you of all people.
— It goes against their very nature, as it would harm you.
— You'll learn to love them eventually. It isn't like there is a real rush. You're not going anywhere at all. They'll take the long, high road.
— Batfam will protect you to their last breath and love you through and through. You don't need to do a thing.
— The only reason they would ever supply you is if they truly had no other options. If you were super-powered in a way they could not find a way to contain or around people they couldn't take you away from. Which is a highly unlikely possibility.
💜 A/n: Sorry that this took me so long to get to. Hopefully, it's not too typo-ridden and you enjoy it!
This is not meant to glorify any type of substance abuse or any type of addiction. This was my first time writing for such so please, if I made a mistake in my handling of the subject, reach out and let me know!
For substance abuse treatment and mental health referrals, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
You are loved beyond measure.
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m1ckeyb3rry · 5 months ago
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hii!! First of all ur theme is so aesthetically pleasing and I love all the nagi. I like binge read all of your event works and *chefs kiss*. Could I request a piece for karasu with the theme of like academic rivals/classmates? No worries if not, hoping ur doing well and taking care of urself!
On an unrelated note I saw that post about rude comments and im so sorry that’s happening to you! I honestly don’t know what drives ppl to bother leaving nasty comments esp when it’s not like they’re being forced to read anything T-T Hoping to send you a bit of love to counter those trolls!
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── FIVE WAYS TO KILL A CROW
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Synopsis: Crows are clingy birds, and Tabito Karasu’s feelings are hurt easier than you realize. (part two here!) (part three here!)
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Event Masterlist
Pairing: Karasu x Reader
Chapter Word Count: 9.1k
Content Warnings: academic rivals to lovers, karasu is an asshole, reader is also an asshole, jealous karasu 😍, hiori randomly pulls up at one point for some reason??, yukimiya requests to follow one (1) person and accidentally causes the most dramatic pseudo breakup ever
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A/N: anon i used to pray for times like these 😭😩 LMAOAO karasu is my fav (behind nagi ofc) but i’ve never gotten around to writing him so getting this request made me SO excited HAHA. i haven’t done anything rivals/enemies to lovers before so fingers crossed this doesn’t feel too awkward or unrealistic or rushed anything!! and yayyy i love my little nagi theme (and also nagi in general) i’m glad you like it too!! and my writing too, you’re so sweet 🥹 there will always be jerks unfortunately but lovely people like you make it all worth it 💖 thank you again and i hope this is kind of what you were looking for 🫶🏻
Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.
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ONE: POISON IT
You could hardly contain your smile as you sauntered up to Tabito Karasu’s desk, your exam held behind your back. He was sitting by himself — his seat partner was sick this week, from what you had heard, so he had taken the chance to spread out his things and stretch his legs. When he noticed you, he raised his eyebrows, mouth tugging into a frown at your amusement.
“What?” he said. You brandished the paper in front of you, irises sparkling as you leaned over to rest your forearms on the desk.
“I got full marks on the last Chemistry exam,” you said. Karasu made a face at you, snatching the test from your hands and scrunching his face up as he inspected it.
“Seriously?” he said.
“Seriously,” you said. “What did you get?”
He crossed his arms and looked away. “Not telling.”
“You definitely failed!” you said in delight, taking back the exam and laughing at him. “How embarrassing. You failed the easiest test of the year, and yet you consider Chemistry to be one of your best subjects? I can’t wait to see how badly you do during finals week.”
“I did not fail,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I got a ninety-eight.”
“Ninety-eight! That’s even worse than outright failure,” you said. “You were so close to perfection, and yet in the end, you fell short. It must sting for things to work out like that.”
“Yes, I’m positively wounded,” he said dryly before batting his eyelashes at you. From anyone else, the rapid switch in demeanor would’ve left you reeling, but the shifting mood was to be expected from him. “Will you give me a kiss and make it better?”
You rolled up your test and smacked him on the head with it. “No.”
“Anyways, my overall grade in the class is still higher than yours, because rankings were updated today and I’m still number one, so I’m not sure what cause you have to be boasting,” he said.
“Hm, but did you notice who’s number one in Modern Literature?” you said, pulling out your phone and opening the school’s app, which listed each class’s rankings in every subject. “Yup, that’s right, me.”
“Good job, Y/N!” he said, clapping mockingly. “Shall we have a party? It’s a big occasion — the mediocre number two has finally done something of such note that she’s number one for the first time in her life.”
“I’ve been number one plenty of other times!” you snapped. “For your information, I’ve been first in the class in mathematics and history every year since middle school, so who are you to be acting like this is a first? If anyone’s mediocre, it’s you!”
He raised his hands in the air innocently, his trademark smirk gracing his features once more now that he had succeeded in irritating you, as was his typical goal.
“Alright, alright, no need to be upset,” he said. “It’s not good for you. Clouds your judgment.”
“In what way?” you said.
“I mean, somehow, you got the two of us confused,” he said. “And we’re nothing alike.”
“I did no such thing,” you said.
“Well, I seem to recall you calling me mediocre, but between the two of us, the subpar one is obviously you,” he said, flicking your forehead. You slapped his hand away.
“You — the bell is going to ring, so I’m going to go back to my seat, but just so you know, you’re way more mediocre than me, Mr. Two-Percent-Short!” you said.
“Stellar comeback!” he called out. “My ego is bruised beyond healing!”
“Good!” you called back, ignoring the sarcasm. “Maybe it’ll return to a more normal size. Your head has grown too big, it’s almost as ridiculous as that hair of yours!”
“Leave the hair alone!”
During your free period, you decided to go to the library for some peace and quiet to work on your homework and find some of the sources you needed for your next research project. For belonging to a high school, the library was surprisingly extensive, and you had managed to find relevant information for every other project you had ever done in it, so you had high hopes. Unfortunately, it seemed this latest assignment was more obscure than anything you had completed before, so on your second lap of the shelves where the books, if they existed, would be located, you resigned yourself to giving up.
Just then, a volume caught your eye. The cover was shiny and pristine, the spine still unbent with newness. Crouching, you pulled it out, and when you saw the title emblazoned across the cover in bright yellow lettering, you began to laugh, making a beeline to the checkout counter with it tucked under your arm.
“Hey, Y/N! How was your morning?” your best friend said as you set your things down next to her in the cafeteria. You hummed in agreement, searching the room for a familiar head of dark hair. “You good? Looking for someone? Let me guess: your secret boyfriend that you’re keeping from the rest of us.”
“Yeah, I’m looking for Karasu,” you said before the rest of her words registered. “No!”
“You’re finally coming out and saying it?” she said, holding her hands to her heart and pretending to swoon. “I’ve been waiting for you to confess.”
“He’s not my secret boyfriend that I’m keeping from everyone, I’m just looking for him!” you said.
“Could’ve fooled me,” she said. “What do you need him for, anyways?”
“I got a book for him in the library,” you said.
“Right, and this is the guy you hate? Your ‘mortal enemy’ or whatever?” she checked.
“Yes,” you said.
“But you…got a book for him from the library, and now you’re looking for him so that you can give it to him?” she said. You scoffed.
“When you put it like that, it sounds different than it really is,” you said. “Trust me, this isn’t a nice gesture or anything. You can consider it revenge.”
“When are you going to get over this stupid rivalry?” she said. “He’s not even that bad, you know.”
“Not even that bad? Not even that bad? Are we talking about the same Karasu here? I’m referring to Tabito, not his older sister,” you said.
“Ah, I think so? He’s a nice guy,” she said.
“He is the spawn of the devil! And he’s the one who started it, so I’ll stop hating him once he apologizes and means it,” you said.
“Do you think he even remembers that?” she said. “It was in middle school.”
You glared at her. “I remember it. If he doesn’t, well, that’s just more of a reason for me to dislike him on principle.”
“Okay, okay, whatever you say,” she said. “Sorry for complimenting him. He’s awful and rude and mean. I think he’s sitting outside with some of his soccer friends, if you still want to find him.”
“Thank you!” you said, instantly forgetting that you were upset with her for taking Karasu’s side instead of yours. “Watch my stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”
“See you soon,” she said. “Have fun. Actually, maybe it’s more realistic for me to just tell you not do anything that’ll get you expelled.”
You waved her off as you marched out to the courtyard where Karasu and his friends were lounging, their chairs positioned in the shade so that they did not overheat while they ate. None of them noticed you approaching until you were tapping Karasu on the shoulder and smiling at him sweetly.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” he said, sounding oddly flustered. One of his friends snorted, and more than a few chuckled, but you ignored all of them in favor of setting your bag on the armrest of Karasu’s chair.
“Hi, Karasu. I was in the library earlier and I saw this book that reminded me of you, so I took the liberty of checking it out,” you said.
“Oh,” he said. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“You’re so considerate, Y/N!” one of his friends said.
“We’re all so jealous of Karasu here,” another friend, the one who you believed had snorted, said. “You’re way too pretty for him.”
“Shut up,” Karasu said, sticking up his middle finger at his friend, though none of the group paid him much mind. In fact, it seemed to egg them on more, as they continued to hurl jabs at Karasu while simultaneously incessantly complimenting you.
You didn’t respond to any of them, instead pulling out the book and handing it to Karasu, interlacing your fingers and waiting for his reaction. At first he seemed confused, and then dismay dawned upon his features as he realized what he was holding in his hands: a copy of Chemistry for Dummies.
“What the fuck?” he said. You patted him on the shoulder.
“It’s only suitable,” you said. Suddenly, his expression cleared, and he beamed at you, which caused unease to brew in your stomach. You knew for a fact that he was about to say something infuriating, and you mentally prepared yourself to respond.
“What a roundabout way of telling me you need tutoring! Of course, I’m happy to help you anytime you want,” he said, tilting back in his chair so that he could cross his arms over his chest arrogantly.
“Why would I want tutoring from someone who does worse than me in the class?” you shot back, crossing your own arms in retaliation.
One of his friends whistled. “She got you there, Tabito.”
“Enough out of you,” Karasu said through gritted teeth. His friend winked at you and mouthed ‘nice one.’
“Look, man, all I’m saying is that if you want to ask out such a beautiful girl, you’ve gotta have a little more finesse than that!” he said.
“He can have all the finesse in the world, but I’d still say no,” you said. His friends hollered with raucous laughter, which caused Karasu’s face to turn red, but you only pressed the book into his hands. “It’s due in two weeks. That should be long enough, right? Make sure you return it on time, please, I don’t want late fines.“
“I hope you go into debt because of this stupid book,” he said.
“Aww,” you cooed. “You’ll be the one paying it off, so it doesn’t matter to me. See you around, Karasu — or, hopefully not.”
TWO: SHOOT IT
You and Karasu had met in middle school. The two of you had been assigned to work on a presentation together, and he had told you during your first meeting that because you were a dunce, you should just listen to him and do whatever he said. Ever since that day, you had done everything you could to show him how much better than him you were; for his part, he found great joy in getting on your nerves and so took part in every argument with pleasure.
You had long ago proved his middle school self wrong, by anyone’s standards, but at this point it was a habit for you to hate Tabito Karasu as well as a habit for him to hate you back. And of course, habits were hard to form but harder to break, so you would probably continue in that manner until the day you graduated and left him behind for good.
It was just the two of you who did not get along. Your friends were cordial with him and his ilk, and you did not really mind his little group all that much, crude though they sometimes were. After all, it was just in the manner of teenage boys, and when they were not taking advantage of your presence to make fun of Karasu, they were actually a pretty agreeable sort.
In fact, your friend groups tended to coexist most of the time, even having lunch together every now and again — though they were always careful to ensure that you and Karasu were kept entirely separate, or else you both were guaranteed to ruin the cheerful camaraderie with your sharp tongues and quick tempers. The measures they took were admirable, but unfortunately, they were not always enough. After all, what were precautions when compared with inevitabilities?
“Oh my god!” you squealed. “Guys! Oh my god, oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening?”
“Can’t believe what’s happening?” your best friend said, speaking for everyone at the table. They were all tuned in to you now, wondering what the big news might be that would bring about such a reaction from you, given how put-together you tended to be.
“Do you remember that one model I happened to meet while I was out last weekend? Kenyu Yukimiya? He just requested to follow me on social media!” you said.
“No way!” your best friend said.
“Way!” you said. The only warning you got was an arm pressing against your back, and then your phone was abruptly snatched from your hands. You gasped, spinning in your seat and scowling when you realized that the culprit was none other than that scavenging crow, Tabito Karasu.
“What the hell? He’s average at best, why are you so excited?” he said, scrolling through Yukimiya’s profile, his eyes narrowed critically. “Y/N, don’t you have any standards?”
“You’re probably the only person in the entire country who doesn’t find him gorgeous,” you said, exhaling dreamily as you took your phone back from him and stared at the artful manner Yukimiya was posing in for his profile photo. “He was even better looking in person. And sonice, too! They don’t make men like that often.”
Karasu frowned and swiped at your phone again. You held it out of his reach, reaching across the bench to press your foot against his chest, effectively holding him back from further attempts at thievery.
“Let me look at him again!” he said.
“Um, no,” you said. “I don’t need you making more fun of him. I know you’re jealous, but expressing it like this only makes you uglier, just so you know.”
“Looks like they’re back at it again,” one of your friends said, massaging her temples.
“Yup,” one of Karasu’s teammates said.
“Ugly? Ugly? You’re calling me ugly? Have you looked in a mirror recently? Also, get your gross shoe off of my shirt!” Karasu said.
“I have looked in a mirror recently, actually, and incidentally I’ve also been keeping an eye on my follow requests. Guess what? I’m obviously good looking, since a legitimate model wants to follow me! How many celebrities request to follow you, huh? I bet the answer is zero!” you said, though you did do him the favor of swinging your leg back, allowing him to brush himself off in disdain.
“Lots of soccer players want to follow me,” he said. “I’m quite good, you know.”
“That doesn’t count,” you said. “It has nothing to do with how you look. They’d request to follow you no matter how hideous and poorly styled you and your hair are.”
“Are they seriously arguing about which of them is worse looking?” Karasu’s teammate said.
“I suppose so,” your friend said. “They’re both really hot, though, so I don’t know what the big deal is…”
“Geez, they’ll take any excuse to go at it, huh?” Karasu’s teammate said.
“Pretty much,” your friend said.
“Guess all of that tension has to go somewhere,” his teammate said.
“Exactly,” your friend said, shaking her head as she finished up her lunch.
“That model probably only works for horror magazines!” Karasu said. “It barely even counts!”
“He was in Vogue Japan,” you said smugly. “Look it up, stupid.”
“So what?” he said.
“So he’s handsome,” you said. “Like I said, it’s okay if you’re envious of him, as long as you accept it instead of doing this whole weird denial thing. I don’t blame you for it — in fact, I thought you would be. You don’t have much going for you overall, do you? In all honesty, it’s only natural for you to feel like this when faced with what you lack.”
Karasu’s eyes widened, and then he stood abruptly, picking up his bag with one arm and haphazardly pulling it onto his back. “Goodbye.”
“Bye,” you said, not really caring one way or another what he did with himself. Actually, you would prefer it if he wasn’t there, interrupting your meal and your daydreaming about your impending romance with Kenyu Yukimiya.
“Wow, Y/N,” your best friend said once Karasu was gone. “You’re kind of dumb, you know that?”
“What are you talking about?” you said.
“It’s not her fault,” another one of Karasu’s teammates said. “He’s not much better.”
“Huh?” you said.
“Never mind,” your best friend said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I have a migraine now.”
“Want some ibuprofen?” Karasu’s teammate said. She accepted it gratefully, and nothing more was said on the subject. The rest of lunch passed in a peaceful manner, though strangely, Karasu did not return.
It should’ve made you happy. You wondered, then, why it felt so odd without him there, like there was a gaping maw sitting in the place that should’ve been occupied by him.
THREE: DROWN IT
Ever since the day that Yukimiya had requested to follow you, you and Karasu hadn’t spoken. He refused to make eye contact with you in the few classes the two of you had together, keeping his gaze lowered to his work and his shoulders hunched away from you. You didn’t even try to talk to him; something told you that it would not be well-received, and you weren’t anywhere near confrontational enough to bring up his odd behavior, so the time without him dragged on and on, seemingly without end.
At first, you were happy, and you told your friends as much. It was a much-needed break from the constant aggravation he brought you, and you found your classes without your competition to be almost boring in their simplicity.
“The more you say you’re happy that you and Karasu aren’t talking, the less it sounds believable,” your best friend said, taking a sip from her juice box.
“Believe it! This is what I’ve been wanting since middle school,” you said.
“Is it?” she said. “It sounds like you’re kind of upset.”
“Am not!” you said. She shrugged.
“Sure,” she said, drawing out the word. “Definitely not.”
“Why would I be upset?” you said.
“You tell me,” she said.
“I’m telling you that I’m not upset. You’re the one with the theory, so give me some evidence to substantiate it,” you said.
“Fine,” she said. “You talk about him all of the time, even when you guys are getting along — or, at least, your twisted little version of being friendly, which isn’t friendly by anyone else’s standards but it seems to work for you two, so I won’t comment further. You keep telling us that you’re so delighted he’s leaving you alone, but you do this thing with your face when you say it that makes it super obvious you’re not. It’s not the kind of behavior you’d display when discussing someone you hate as much as you claim to hate him. Finally, there’s a reason half the school thinks you guys are dating, and it’s not just the obvious aesthetic appeal of that match.”
“What? I thought you were just trying to bother me when you brought that up!” you said. She shook her head.
“No, it’s a common misconception. It’s why no one’s ever asked you out. They all think you’re already taken. Actually, the other day, a guy asked me if I thought he might have a chance with you now that you and Karasu had broken up,” she said.
“What’d you say?” you said, half in horror, half in fascination.
“I told him probably not, and that you and Karasu hadn’t broken up, because you were never together in the first place,” she said.
“Oh, okay,” you said.
“Should I have said something else?” she said. You shook your head.
“No,” you said. “What else would you have said?”
“Dunno,” she said. “Look, you need to cheer up. I’m sure that if you just try to talk to him, things will go back to normal in an instant. Then you can return to complaining about him like usual.”
“Talk to him? About what?” you said. She gave you an incredulous look.
“You were pretty mean to him the other day, Y/N,” she said.
“It wasn’t any meaner than what he says to me on the regular,” you said. “And what I say to him in return. I don’t see why he’d be more or less offended.”
“I think it was a little worse than what you typically say,” she said. “Plus, the context was different.”
“How so?” you said. She shook her head.
“That’s for him to explain, not me,” she said. “Come on, don’t be stubborn. Work things out with him. I miss hanging out with the guys.”
“Ah, so that’s why it matters to you,” you said. “Sorry to say it, but I don’t have any plans at attempting conversation with him anytime soon. Like I said, things are finally calm and stress-free for me. He’s the one being immature, as always, so why’s it up to me to make things better?”
“Immature?” your best friend said. “You’ve held a grudge against him since middle school.”
“And?” you said. She squinted at you before pursing her lips.
“Well, I guess the two of you really are made for one another,” she said.
“What?”
The next week would mark the beginning of the swimming unit in PE class, which you were actually looking forward to. You loved to swim, you had ever since you were a child and your parents had brought you into the water for the first time, and the thought of getting to earn a good grade for something you liked doing in the first place was an agreeable on.
In preparation, you decided to stop by the pool after classes were over so that you could acclimate yourself to the motions of the strokes once again. The swim team’s practice had been canceled, and no one else ever used the pool, so you would have the place to yourself, which was just about the closest thing to heaven you could imagine while still living on Earth.
Changing into your school-issued bathing suit and putting your things into a locker, you tied your hair back so that it was out of the way and stepped into the steaming indoor pool deck. The water was a bright cerulean shade, the lanes split by lane-lines which alternated colors to match your school’s emblem. When you dipped your toe into the deep end, you found it was warm, not cold like you had feared. The school didn’t splurge on heating the water of the rarely-used pool, so usually, it was all but freezing. You supposed that they must’ve had complaints from last year’s PE classes, so they had restarted the heaters in order to ensure that no one had any cause to whine about the temperature this year.
For a moment, you just sat on the tiled edge, your legs swishing about in the water, the heels of your palms pressing against the lip of the pool as you closed your eyes and luxuriated in the tangy scent of chlorine. So lost were you that you almost didn’t notice the door swinging open, but the clang of it shutting was unmistakable. Thinking it must’ve been a confused swim team member showing up to a practice that wasn’t happening, you opened your eyes, your lips parting to issue a reprimand that died before it could take shape.
It wasn’t a swim team member. It was Tabito Karasu, wearing a pair of swim trunks and nothing else, his jaw taut and his fists clenched as he inched towards the water. He hadn’t even noticed you, and you didn’t feel inclined to announce yourself, so you let your elbows dig into your thighs, your chin resting in your hands as you observed him.
You had known that he played soccer almost as long as you had known his name. It was the entire reason he was so popular and well-regarded in the school, and an inextricable part of his identity, but until now, you hadn’t quite considered what that actually meant. After all, you only ever saw him in the loose, modest clothing of the school’s uniform, so why would you jump to the conclusion that he was so — so — well, you were loath to admit it, but he had a striking body, and, now that he wasn’t being all cocky and maddening, you could appreciate that even his face was of a similar quality.
Blinking, you cocked your head as he extended a graceful foot towards the first stair leading into the shallow end. Water splashed against it, and he yanked it back like he had been scalded. You could not help yourself from giggling as he did this once and then twice again. On the third attempt, you forgot that the two of you weren’t acknowledging one another and cupped your hands around your mouth to amplify your voice.
“What are you doing?” you said.
“Who — Y/N? I didn’t realize anyone else was in here!” he said, stepping back from the pool and straightening his shorts, though there was nothing wrong with them that required straightening. You sprang to your feet and walked over to him, leaving wet footprints in your wake as you peered at him curiously.
“I was just going to do some laps to ensure that I’m at my best for the swimming unit next week. Did you have the same idea?” you said.
“Something like that,” he said.
“What’s with that whole ritual, though?” you said. “It’s not that cold. You should just get in.”
“Definitely not,” he said. You furrowed your brow.
“Okay,” you said. “Why are you at the pool, then, if you don’t want to go in the water?”
“It’s nothing you need to be concerned with!” he said. “Why are you so nosy? Just go away.”
“I was here first,” you said.
“Fine,” he said, spinning on his heel. “I’ll go, then.”
“Wait! Karasu, wait,” you said, grabbing onto his wrist as he made to leave. “Look, we don’t have to talk to one another or anything. We’re experienced enough at ignoring each other, so there’s not an issue in both of us being here.”
“Is that what you want?” he said.
“Yeah, sure,” you said. He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing, and you thought he would say something, but he only nodded curtly.
“Fine,” he said. You gave him an expectant look, but he did not move from the spot he was rooted in, so you thought that you might as well take the initiative. Looping around to the deep end, you inhaled and then dove into the water headfirst, staying under for as long as you could before finally surfacing and allowing yourself to settle into the familiar undulations that came with swimming.
After a few laps, you took a break, peeking up over the concrete to look at Karasu, who was still standing stubbornly in place, his nose wrinkling whenever he glanced at the pool.
“Hey,” you said. “Are you scared of the water or something?”
He froze. “Who told you that?”
“No one?” you said. “It’s pretty easy to tell as an onlooker. Were you planning on trying to get over your fear by coming to swim when no one was here? That’s dangerous if you don’t know how. You could drown.”
“I’m not scared of the water,” he said.
“Really? Then why’re you just standing there?” you said. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and then finally he hung his head in reluctant defeat.
“Whatever,” he said. Judging by the way he tensed immediately after the confession, he was expecting you to say something cruel, but you only boosted yourself out of the water and tapped him on the shoulder.
“I can help you, if you’d like,” you said. “I’m good at swimming.”
“Why would I want your help? And why would you even offer it in the first place? This is just one more subject you can beat me in, and that’s all you care about, so save it,” he said. “Congratulations, Y/N. You get to be number one this time.”
He looped a dry towel around his neck and left you standing alone, shivering and dripping pool water, a puddle forming around your feet as you gazed at the door he had vanished through.
The class rankings updated again after the swimming unit was over. You were in first place. Karasu didn’t even make it to the top ten. You wanted to celebrate the victory — it was the first time you had beaten him so thoroughly, after all — but for some reason, it didn’t really feel like something worth celebrating.
FOUR: STONE IT
School without Karasu was lonelier than you thought it would be. You hadn’t realized just how much you relied on him until he wasn’t there anymore. Without him, there wasn’t anyone you could exchange looks with across the room when somebody said something ridiculous in class. There wasn’t anyone who you could talk to in the minutes before the period began. There wasn’t anyone who made you push yourself to be better. What was the point of being first if Karasu wasn’t on your heels, ensuring that you stayed on the top for fear of losing to him? It was boring and lonely to try if he wasn’t doing the same.
You and he were still one and two, but it didn’t matter much anymore. The rankings were just numbers. They didn’t mean anything when Karasu still refused to even exchange pleasantries with you. Why would you want to compete when the other party didn’t share your interest? Now, if you managed to pull out ahead of him, it felt more like you had kicked a dog that was already down than if you had actually won anything. When he got first over you, it didn’t fuel your ambition any. You just wished he would come over and gloat instead of sitting there so solemnly, like none of it had ever mattered to him in the first place.
You couldn’t understand why he was so angry. What had you said that was so egregious? You hardly remembered the conversation you had had with him, it was that thoughtlessly done. You really hadn’t meant much if anything by it. One second, the two of you had been squabbling as you were prone to doing, and the next, he was so furious that he couldn’t bear to interact with you even still.
The day you were ambushed was nondescript. It was just like any other Wednesday, and you were walking back home from school when you were forced to stop in your tracks. A tall man — no, he was a boy, probably a year or two younger than you based on his soft and innocent expression — was barring your way, his arms outstretched and feet planted firmly in the ground to prove the depth of his conviction. He had pale hair and sky-colored eyes framed by the longest eyelashes you had ever seen on anyone, man or woman, with a small mouth pinched into an expression of discontent and lines like tire tracks between his eyebrows.
“Who are you?” you said warily, reaching for your phone, though you hardly knew who you would call. The setting was wrong for this to be a mugging, as it was sunny out and you were on a well-traveled street, but you didn’t really know what else to expect from the stranger, who could certainly outmuscle you if it came to it despite his lovely appearance.
“Yo Hiori,” he said. “I play on Bambi Osaka with Karasu. You’re Y/N L/N, correct?”
“Oh, one of the soccer guys?” you said. “Uh, hey. Yes, that’s me. Is something the matter? I’ve never seen you before. How do you even know who I am?”
“I’ve been watching Karasu for a while,” Hiori said with the utmost of seriousness, his hands dropping to his sides now that he was sure you weren’t going to run past him. “He’s a pretty fascinating person.”
“I’m sure,” you said, thinking to yourself that this Hiori kid was more than a little weird. Did Karasu know that he had acquired such a shadow? You supposed he must’ve. He had always been the observant type, so there was no way someone like Hiori would’ve escaped his keen notice.
“He’s been kind of down in the dumps recently, though. Even our coach noticed it. His playing hasn’t suffered too dramatically, but he’s the captain of the team, so he’s the guy everyone relies on for a funny pep talk or a word of advice when things are going south. Nowadays, however, when he’s off the field, he just sulks,” Hiori explained.
“I see,” you said. “That’s terrible.”
You meant it, too. Karasu without his asshole quips and ready jokes was a different person entirely. A person who you missed more than you could let on, even to yourself.
“It is,” Hiori said. “I took it upon myself to do some digging, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason is you.”
He was definitely a freak. You vowed to bring it up with Karasu, if he ever talked to you again. Even if he was already aware, it felt like a moral or civic duty of yours to ensure that he was fully informed about the extent that this child was inquiring into his life.
“What kind of, uh, digging do you mean?” you said, neatly avoiding the second thing he had said.
“It was pretty simple,” Hiori said. “One of the guys asked Karasu if he was acting off because he broke up with his girlfriend or something, and he got so mad that he left practice early. I opened up social media as soon as I got home and saw that you’re the only girl he follows, so by process of elimination, I figured the two of you were having some trouble in your relationship.”
“Relationship? I think you’re misunderstanding,” you said. “There’s no relationship. You could hardly even consider us friends.”
“Oh!” Hiori said. “I’m sorry. He’s mentioned you once or twice, so I just thought — and given what he said — and his reaction and all — no, I really am just sorry. It was wrong of me to make that assumption in the first place.”
“It’s alright,” you said. “I’m told it’s a relatively common misconception, so I can’t blame you. At least, it used to be. We haven’t really spoken in a while, so I guess everything thinks that it’s over, even though it never began in the first place.”
“You haven’t spoken in a while?” Hiori said. “Why not?”
“I think I said something that offended him, and we haven’t been on good terms since. Not that we ever really were in the first place,” you said.
“You did? He’s a pretty rational person, so it must’ve been something terrible for him to still be angry about it,” Hiori said.
“Maybe, but I don’t remember saying anything like that,” you said.
“What if you tell me how your last conversation went? Maybe I can help you,” he said.
“Sure, since you’re apparently the resident Karasu expert,” you said. “Wanna walk with me? I was heading home, but we can go to the convenience store and get some snacks or something instead. I don’t want to get in trouble for standing around in front of some random person’s house for too long.”
“Sounds good,” Hiori said. “There’s one a couple of minutes away, so we can head in that direction and keep talking as we go.”
“Great,” you said. “Okay, so the last time we talked…I think it was when Kenyu Yukimiya requested to follow me.”
“Who’s that?” Hiori said.
“He’s this model I met while I was shopping one day. Absolutely breathtaking,” you said. “Just really a stand-up guy. We’ve hung out a few times since then, he introduced me to the girlfriend I did not know he had, the works.“
“Yikes, unrequited love?” Hiori said with a wince.
“It was more of a celebrity crush. His girlfriend is super sweet, though, so I can’t complain. Anyways, I would consider them both casual acquaintances. The type you call to have a coffee with, but not the ones that help you move into a new apartment, you know?” you said.
“Uh, sure,” Hiori said in a tone which suggested he had no idea what you were talking about but was too scared to inquire further.
“Moving on, Yukimiya requested to follow me, and of course this was at the peak of my celebrity crush, so I started fawning over him, which prompted Karasu to take my phone and start insulting him,” you said.
“Interesting,” Hiori said.
“Then I called him ugly, and he called me ugly — that’s pretty standard for the two of us, so don’t look so shocked! After that, I said something about how I had expected him to be jealous of Yukimiya, since he didn’t have much going for him overall, so it made sense,” you said. “That’s when he left and things got weird.”
“Okay, I think I get it,” Hiori said. You waited for him to explain further. He smiled at you pleasantly.
“Right, so are you going to share with the class or am I meant to read your mind?” you said after a moment.
“I don’t want to give anything away that I shouldn’t,” he said. “But it’s a pretty simple issue to fix. Try thinking about what you said from his perspective.”
“He has a dumbass perspective. It’s impossible for me to think that way,” you said automatically.
“Do you think that he dislikes you?” Hiori said, taking two bottles of Yakult down from the shelf, handing one to you and keeping the other for himself.
“I’m not really sure how he feels about me, to tell you the truth,” you said.
“I don’t think he does,” Hiori said. “So, try thinking about someone you like and then imagine them saying to you what you said to them. Would you be inclined to be nice to them after that?”
“Well…” Your tongue was heavy and leaden in your mouth, and you ducked your head as you searched through your wallet for money. “No, not at all. I’d probably hate them for a really long time. Maybe forever.”
“That’s possible,” he said.
“Do you think he’ll hate me forever?” you said.
“Most likely not. Like I said earlier, he’s a rational person. I think that if you say sorry and sincerely mean it, he’ll forgive you. There’s a chance he won’t, though; you’ll have to listen to what he says and accept it,” Hiori said.
“But when? I hardly have the chance to see him in school. He just avoids me, and the building’s so big that it’s all but impossible to track him down!” you said.
“We have a soccer game in the evening today,” Hiori said. “I’m heading over there in a bit. Wanna come? You can talk to him once it’s over.”
“Am I allowed to?” you said.
“Why wouldn’t you be?” Hiori said. “If anyone says anything, just tell them I invited you. Here, I’ll give you the address and time now, and you can decide if you want to show up.”
“Okay,” you said, typing out his instructions in your notes app. “Thanks a lot for your help, Hiori.”
“Anytime!” he said. “Hope to see you at the game!”
“Even if I don’t go, I’d still like to meet you again. You’re a pretty cool kid,” you said, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “Kind of weird, if I’m being fully honest, but cool nonetheless. Karasu’s lucky to have a teammate like you.”
He grinned, and it was a tender, shy thing, as if he was earnestly seeking your praise or approval — like how a cat would bring a dead rat to its master or a child would show their parents a treasured drawing. “Thank you. Even if you don’t try to talk to Karasu…maybe you can still come anyways?”
“Alright, then,” you said. “Since you asked so nicely, I guess I have to. I’ll be there.”
FIVE: TAME IT
The sun was nearing the horizon, but it still had not officially begun to set by the time you settled in the bleachers on Bambi Osaka’s side. Besides a couple of women your mother’s age and an elderly man who must’ve been someone’s grandfather, there weren’t any other spectators. Hiori had mentioned that this wasn’t a particularly serious game, as they didn’t even need to beat the team to make it to Nationals, so it was more like a friendly exhibition game than anything — hence the low turnout.
“Hello, dear,” a woman said when she noticed you sitting by yourself. “Are you friends with one of the players?”
“Yes. Um, Tabito Karasu? I’m his classmate,” you said. Technically, you were there on Hiori’s goodwill, not Karasu’s, but for you to not mention Karasu would be like a betrayal. You weren’t sure if it was him or yourself that you’d be betraying, but either way you did not want to chance it.
“You’re one of Karasu’s friends? Lucky you, then,” she said. “He’s a delightful boy, or so I’ve heard. This is my son’s first year on the team, and he was really nervous to join such a prestigious organization, but ever since his first day, all he can talk about is how amazing his captain is. Karasu’s tough on all of the players, but he really works hard to make all of them feel welcomed, too.”
Bambi Osaka’s team took the field, and you smiled when you saw Karasu in the front, his name across the back of his jersey, a pair of black gloves covering his large hands, an insolent leer on his face as he greeted the other team’s captain. He had not noticed you yet, and you were not sure if this was for the better or worse, because you wanted him to see you, but you didn’t want him to be distracted and play poorly as a result.
“He’s a wonderful person,” you agreed. “He’s the only one in the entire school who can keep up with me, academically or otherwise. I didn’t realize until recently how much I admire him for that.”
The woman’s eyes crinkled around the corners with the ease that came from a lifetime of happiness. For some reason, you thought that she knew something you did not, or could not, but it wasn’t uncomfortable that she did. It seemed to you that being left in the dark was just your lot this time around, and you found that oddly enough, it felt acceptable.
“Is this your first time coming to watch him?” she said.
“Yes, it is,” you said.
“You know, he has this habit before every match of scanning the stands, like he’s looking for someone. I thought it might be his parents, but at the last match, just about his entire family showed up, and he still seemed disappointed,” she said.
“That’s a shame,” you said noncommittally, not sure what else you should say. The woman shrugged.
“Well, I wonder what it’ll be like today,” she said. “There he goes.”
True to her words, Karasu was craning his neck towards the Bambi Osaka side, his eyes darting from person to person until they settled on you. You raised your hand hesitantly, waving at him, knowing that he probably wouldn’t reciprocate.
He turned away almost immediately, but not before you saw him fight back a smile — not the smug type he generally donned, but one you had only ever seen on him once or twice. It was one that made him seem charming and boyish and sweet, that made you want to take back every negative word you had ever said about him. Only now could you understand that it showed who he really was, that at his heart Karasu was that kind of person, not anything like the facade you were so accustomed to, which he showed you for the sole reason that it was what you unconsciously demanded of him.
You had judged him to be horrible, and so he became the bane of your existence. You had told him he was good for nothing, so he disappeared like he really was just that. Everything you said, Karasu went along with gamely, and you wished you could’ve known that earlier, so you would’ve spent less time hating him and more time comprehending these intricacies, which entranced you in the way a spider’s web entranced a butterfly.
“Looks like I don’t need to worry about that child any more,” the woman said as the referee blew the whistle to signal the start of the game.
“Pardon?” you said. “Were you talking to me?”
“No, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I was just musing to myself. Ignore me. Let’s watch the game; I have a feeling that some of our players are going to go all out today.”
Bambi Osaka completely annihilated the other team. Maybe the match didn’t matter, but none of them played that way; instead, they were aggressive and focused, with Karasu at the forefront of every goal they made, commending his teammates and deriding his opposition in the same breath.
That was something you had not expected — he had a massively foul mouth when he played soccer. You had thought that he was rude when he spoke to you, but the things you overheard from him whenever he ran by within earshot made your conversations seem tame. You couldn’t help but pity the poor defenders that he shoved past and spat barbed-wire abuse at.
He was merciless and beautiful and you could probably spend a dozen more hours watching him play without even a trace of boredom, but by the time the sky had turned gold and the sun had dipped towards the ground, the game was over and the members of Bambi Osaka were packing up their things to leave for the night after yet another landslide win.
You snuck onto the field once you were extremely assured that nobody would be upset with you for it, making your way over to where Karasu was chugging a bottle of water.
“Hi,” you said when he was finished, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and tossing the now-empty bottle into his bag. “You played really well.”
“Thanks,” he said. There was impatience but also longing in his voice, like he wanted you to say something so badly but he knew you would not, would never, and so he would rather get the conversation over with and move on with the business of his life than stick around and waste time with you.
“I’m sorry,” you said.
“What?” he said.
“I’m sorry,” you said. “Karasu, I’m really sorry. I don’t think that you have nothing going for you. I don’t know why I said that. Well, I do, it’s because I wanted to have the last word like I always do, but I don’t mind if I don’t have it this time. Or any other time. Or ever again.”
“What?” he repeated, as though he had been rendered dumb by your confession.
“I miss you,” you admitted. “I didn’t believe I could, but apparently, I can, and I do. A lot. I know that I’m unpleasant and disparaging and haughty when it comes to you, but I won’t be that way anymore if you forgive me for my vices one last time. If it means you’ll talk to me, I’ll be a fool. I’ll be in second place. I’ll be an idiot. But please, please forgive me.”
He took a deep breath. You handed him the bottle of kombucha that you had bought on your way to the game because you saw him drink it so frequently that you figured he must like it. He accepted it gingerly, holding it with the delicacy of a newborn, unscrewing the lid and sipping on it pensively.
“Alright,” he said.
“Alright?” you said.
“I’ll forgive you,” he said. “But on one condition.”
“Anything,” you said.
“You better not do anything as dumb as trying to be mediocre on purpose because you think it’ll make me feel better. What the hell is that proposition, huh? It’ll make me feel worse if anything! I like you because you’re unpleasant and disparaging and haughty and whatever else you said, not in spite of those qualities. I’m sure you heard me while I was playing…anyone who isn’t you would probably be terrified of me when I’m like that,” he said. “Just, y’know, I’m a person with feelings, too, so keep that in mind if you can. Oh, and don’t wait so long to say sorry next time, because it’s seriously annoying for me to feel all out-of-sorts for ages!” he said.
“That’s it?” you said.
“That’s it,” he said. “Hug?”
Ordinarily, you would’ve said no, but you were so weepy at the reconciliation that you nodded and let him embrace you, his arms caging you against his chest, holding you to him so that you could not escape.
“Ew!” you shouted when you registered what he was trying to do, shoving him off of you as he cackled and released you without much of a fight. “Gross, Karasu, you’re disgusting! Get away from me! I can’t believe you did that!”
“I can’t believe you fell for it!” he said as you frantically tried to wipe yourself off, though it was largely in vain. In your emotional state, you had forgotten that he was still drenched with sweat from the game, and you were now reaping the consequences of your poor decision making.
“You’re a bad person,” you said.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Whatever you say.”
“I probably deserved that one, though, so I won’t hold it against you,” you said.
“Smart decision,” he said. “Wait. Unrelated, but whatever ended up happening between you and that model dude? What was his name again?”
“Yukimiya? He has a girlfriend,” you said. “Oh, well. What can you do, right? I’m not upset about it. Besides, everyone and their mother thinks I have a boyfriend already, so it’s probably for the best that it worked out like this. I wouldn’t want his modeling career to be ruined by home-wrecking allegations or anything.”
“It must be a pretty serious not-relationship you’ve got there, if it’s the career-ending type,” he said.
“I’d say it’s pretty serious, yes,” you said. “He’s an awesome guy. You’d like him.”
“I’ll respect it, then,” he said. “But…if you ever find yourself not-breaking up with him, then, uh, let me know. I’ll take you on a date somewhere. We can argue and reminisce about the day we met over dinner or something. It’ll be super romantic.”
He said it casually, but you were more familiar with him than either of you ever could’ve predicted you’d be. He was secretly nervous about how big of a risk he had taken, fiddling with the zipper of his soccer bag, avoiding your eyes while he waited for your response. You let the silence stretch on for a minute, just to make him squirm, and then you poked him in the ribs.
“Karasu,” you said.
“What’s up?” he said, and he must’ve been trying very hard to keep his cool, but his anxiety transmitted through the endearing crack of his voice.
“I have to tell you something,” you said.
“Go ahead,” he said.
“I’m not-single now,” you said. “So. Will you take me on a date this weekend?”
He lit up, so bright that you were all but blinded by the brilliance of his joy. Then he cleared his throat and pretended to check the non-existent watch on his wrist.
“You’re in luck,” he said. “That works for me. I’ll pick you up on Saturday for dinner.”
“Great,” you said. “I look forward to it.”
“Hold on, don’t go just yet,” he said. You paused, about to ask him what else he needed when he stooped over and pressed his lips to your cheek. “Thanks for coming to my game. I’m not really sure how you knew I was playing, but I’m glad you could make it either way.”
“Um — uh — Hiori told me, he told me you were playing, and, er, where to go and what time and all,” you stammered, trying to wrap your head around what had just happened, replaying it in your mind over and over.
“Hiori? I should’ve known he’d be the type to meddle like that,” he said. “I’m not even going to ask how you know each other. The answer will probably make me feel vaguely discomfited, so I’ll abide by an ‘ignorance is bliss’ policy.”
“That’s probably for the best,” you said, composing yourself, though internally, you were imagining what it would be like if you had turned your head, if instead of your cheek his lips had landed somewhere else. “Okay, I should go now. See you on Saturday?”
“One last thing. You’re pretty transparent, you know,” he said, grasping your chin in his left hand and leaning in. Your eyelashes fluttered shut as he grew closer and closer, but right when his mouth was a hair’s breadth from yourself, he chuckled. “Also, pretty gullible.”
Instead of kissing you like you had anticipated he would, he tackled you in another hug. You squealed in protest, but he held fast, his body rumbling with laughter as you simultaneously struggled to escape and clung onto him as tightly as you could.
“I hate you,” you said when your half-hearted efforts proved to be entirely futile.
“Sure you do,” he said.
“You’re the worst,” you said.
“Absolutely,” he said.
“I’m being serious here. You smell!” you said.
“Well, that’s plain rude of you to say,” he said, messing up your hair in what you were sure he deemed to be a punishment, as if being crushed against his sweaty form wasn’t punishment enough.
“Let go of me, you idiot crow!” you said.
“No can do,” he said. “Crows are clingy birds, you know. Even the idiotic ones. Ask me again in twenty years and maybe we can revisit the issue.”
“Karasu!”
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talkbycolor · 1 year ago
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I deserve this
A/N; at this point its obvious that i inspire in rebzyyx songs
Pairing; "Your Boyfriend" x AFAB!Reader (cus people are scared of the word trans)
CW; reader becomes willing at the end i swear / unhealthy, obsessive and possesive love / sensitive topics such as mental health, depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment, dissociation, suicidal thoughts / a crazy concept: he talks about his emotions!! / non-con, violence, like, i cry while i masturbate
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It's quite blurry trying to remember how it all started, it seemed harmless to accept a date from a stranger, he gave you a beautiful rose and was quite kind to you.
Feeling that people could like you, that someone could be romantically interested in you, because of who you are, your personality, that they knew your… desires?
Because you had dreams, of course.
Your dream was to live, to live a quiet life, a stable, pleasant job, with good pay, a normal and peaceful life, where the deep emptiness in your heart was non-existent, years had passed and the monotonous feeling did not disappear, you had already accepted the pain, after all, if you felt that constantly it was probably because you did something wrong at some point, right?
But that was a personal dream that would never be shared.
And it's not like that matters now, not when you're in… A room, that's funny, your last memory is of Peter slamming you against the table to tie your limbs since their last date didn't end as expected and It was time to go home.
Return to an empty home, for what? Peter was more than willing to take care of you, why was he so scary? Accepting it would have made things easier, but you ruined everything by trying to run away, you even fought tooth and nail, that was too pathetic now that you remember it, maybe you DO deserve all the shit that is happening.
You could have saved yourself so much terror and attacks.
"PETER ENOUGH! PLEASE! LET ME GO! NO! NO! FUCK, PLEASE!" You tore out your throat with terrified screams and tried to claw at his skin until your fingers were bloody, biting the hands that tried to stop your screams, hitting his face with your elbows and kicking him away, crawling like a dying animal away from him. "PETER!" You sobbed sharply before losing consciousness.
But nothing worked, resisting only made all that shit worse and now you were tied up, in Your boyfriend's old clothes.
You barely remember how you got to that place, or if time passed, anyway that doesn't matter anymore, from one day to the next you find a very small piece of clothing that turned out to be yours, time passed, your body grew but your mind didn't, they keep lying but you know that your life will depend on how well you do it.
And you're not doing it right, you tried to adopt toxic happiness but you couldn't even maintain it for a while before exploding, sadness was already an everyday thing and you just weren't feeling it anymore.
"Dear?"
Just peace please, how hard could that be? It was annoying, you even felt angry for feeling so empty, because people were so rude and the constant rejection killed you socially.
It was hard to breathe, wasn't it?
"Love? Do you hear me?"
It feels like the end, your soul is bleeding, you wish your stupid job made you feel a little more alive and motivated to continue.
And now you have done so many things to escape from that monster that pulls you back to the room to devour you under the bed.
"Darling!" Your boyfriend's voice echoed through the room, making you look at him once and for all, your eyes tired despite having been unconscious most of the time.
"…" You wanted to respond, really, but what were you supposed to say?
"You must be exhausted, you didn't even touch dinner" It was a tricky phrase, he had tried to feed you since you were tied up.
"Peter-…"
"I already told you that I prefer to be called other way, honey" He responded with a smile and a definitely not irritated tone.
"I want to sleep" He left your lips, he was being so caring, taking care of your health.
He kidnapped you.
And you couldn't even thank him for it.
He knocked you out.
You really were an ungrateful shit, weren't you?
He locked you up.
You wanted to return the signs of affection.
Soon the ropes left your body, Peter helped you stand up and you both walked to the bedroom, he was still carrying a small plate with a light dinner, he refused to let you go to bed without having eaten dinner.
Once in bed, he made sure that you had a proper dinner, and he helped you change your clothes so that you would be comfortable in bed, he also did the same with his attire and now you were both lying down. It always made your stomach churn when he looked at your half-naked body.
"Dear" He murmured next to you while you tried to sleep as soon as possible, so many things had happened those last few days that the only way out was to sleep, you had probably already been fired from your job for not showing up. "Honey, love, darling," he said sweetly as his hand went up to your cheek, he simply looked at you with a huge and probably painful smile on his face, almost tattooed, you made him so happy with your mere presence.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked, your mind still cloudy enough to refuse anything, so you just went up to kiss him, the room was very dark and there weren't even crickets echoing at night, the amount of silence was overwhelming… of course, that didn't count the lip-smacking they shared.
So it continued.
For a long time.
"Pet-…uhm, I mean, honey, I'm tired and I want to sleep" You interrupted the honey session.
"Please, you don't have to do anything, just let me love you, darling" his voice was soft, soothing to that darkness but not to the painful weight in your heart and the knot in your stomach, his touches felt strange.
You know that's wrong, you don't like it.
You didn't stop him, just like he said, you let him love you as you closed your eyes and a buzzing sound echoed in your head, like television static, your bottom clothes had disappeared, but that didn't matter.
You couldn't hear anything, you didn't see anything, your body reacted but your mind was very far from that place, you wandered through your memories, fantasies of a life you were never going to have.
It was really digging into your cunt, huh? Even when your mind wanted to flee somewhere else, it was undeniable how he held your thighs and you gasped heavily with each thrust.
His member was still dripping his seed, did he use protection? You don't know, you don't care.
It doesn't matter.
B e cau se s oon y o u w il l b e d ea d.
"Honey? Didn't you enjoy it?" Peter asked with a worried frown.
What the hell is wrong with you? Do you no longer have respect for yourself? You know it's going to hurt you.
Don't you mind dying? You lost hope and you don't even try to help yourself anymore, damned and pathetic attempt at being human, really unnecessary.
"Honey…" Peter caressed your cheeks and brought his forehead to yours, sighing softly and carrying your body to the bathroom in the room.
You didn't say anything either, you just felt how it was cleaning your body, the water was warm, the bathtub full of bubbles, and it smelled pretty good, like coconut soap. Peter hummed quietly as he treated your body with the utmost affection, you were sure he was whispering things in your ear but you were barely aware of your surroundings.
When your eyes finally focused on something you could see the ceiling of the room thanks to the moonlight, Peter was behind you, hugging your body, caressing your hair, and sniffing the soapy fragrance.
"You are so sweet, so unique, so kind, so special to me, a truly exceptional person, I will do everything to make you feel comfortable, darling, I love you so much, my adorable-…"
"Peter"
"… Yes love?" This time he didn't argue about that name, you were finally talking and that was good.
"I'm sorry I feel so alone, I know you're here but…" You wish you could give him an answer but that was something even you hadn't figured out yet.
"It's okay, honey, I'll be with you to hold you, forever."
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railingsofsorrow · 1 year ago
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summary: you fail in an altercation with an unsub and people die.
pairing: s.reid x gn!reader
warnings: mentions of blood, injuries and violence; aversion to touch; angst with fluff at the ending.
A/N: a little drabble probably filled with grammar mistakes. I know the summary SUCKS.
navi
masterpost
━━━━━━━━━━━━
“let go, just— just let go of me!” you yelled at the paramedics poking your body. yanking your arm out of their reach wasn't enough to push them away, they kept on pestering you to no end. but you couldn't breath and the back of the ambulance was closing in and people just crawled out of nowhere to touch and block your vision and touch—
“let go of her.” spencer finally succeeded in getting past the police when he noticed what the first responders were doing. their job. yes. but the only thing he could focus now was your shaky frame and antsy gaze. your requests for some space masked your desperation for annoyance. “no,” he said shortly, a scowl at one of the EMTs that gripped your arm, trying to check your injuries. “hey, let go,” the professional sighed and stepped back, along with the other two who were trying to hold you down. you didn't need holding down. you needed people to stay away. you needed to breath.
“sweetheart,” spencer's voice rang through your ears in a faraway tone. almost as if you were underwater. “hey, it's me. can you hear me?” he really wanted to get you off the floor of the ambulance, but this would have to do now. he crouched down to your curled up position, maintaining a safe distance. “it's spencer, sweetheart.”
he waited patiently as you adjusted to the sound of his voice, surveying your whole body in search for injuries — more than the ones he was already seeing. you had a trail of dried blood on your temple, a busted lip, and by the way you were holding your wrist it must've been fractured too. god, he wanted to kill that bastard. a maximum security prison wasn't enough, he needed to get a taste of his own medicine. or worse, definitely worse.
you looked up. and there it was. the dam broke and your sobs started. spencer felt helpless. he knew he couldn't touch you because that would make everything worse, but how could he comfort you without immediate wrapping you in his arms? how could be made sure you felt safe with his mere words?
“i couldn't— I couldn't get to them in time.” you said between sobs, covering your mouth in a foolish attempt to stop those awful sounds. you couldn't control your emotions. but it suddenly felt as if you could breath again. “spencer, I couldn't—”
he cut you off, “it wasn't your fault. look at me, hey.” he forced his hands to retract as he almost cupped your cheeks. oh, his heart ached at your reaction. “it was not your fault, sweetheart. none of us could've gotten there in time. including you.”
but that's not what your mind said. that's not the truth it implied.
“i should've done something.”
“you did. everything you could have done, you did.” he said with a certainty that caused doubt in the guilt gripping your mind. you forgot every bit of aversion to touch to let him examine your wrist after he asked for permission. spencer didn't made you feel helpless. he wasn't a stranger. spencer was safety. he was the breath of fresh air you craved at that moment.
he grimaced at the marks on your wrist, tilting your head to investigate the origin of the dried blood. his conclusion was that you most certainly had a concussion and you needed professional care on the superficial cuts on your arm and lip. he may be a doctor but he wasn't a medical doctor.
“baby,” he mellowed, tone like honey, when he decided you had calmed down enough. “can I get them back in? you need to disinfect these and probably plaster your wrist.”
you let out a sigh as his fingers softly work to dry your tears. “will you stay?” you ask rather pathetically. you never needed spencer more than you needed at that second. you just needed him.
“where else would I be?” he pressed a kiss against your forehead, careful to not touch any of the bruises. “okay, are you ready?”
you groan softly, relaxing against the ambulance walls. “will they take me to the hospital?” spencer gave you a look. “i'm fine.”
“sure.” spencer nodded, pretending he agreed. you knew he didn't. “i'll be right back, okay? don't move.” when you shifted to a position that your head was resting back and your eyes shut. he made a sound of protest, startling you. “no. no sleeping. you have a concussion.”
“i'm not gonna die, spence.”
“no sleeping.” he pointed at you sternly. hotch-gaze-stern — well, he tried.
you positioned your cheek on your good hand, rolling your eyes. even that hurt, but you didn't let it show. your boyfriend was back before you noticed his absence. he did ride all the way to the hospital with you, not leaving your side for a single minute. just like you needed.
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the-s1lly-corner · 2 years ago
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Their ideal partners
Silly little hcs because ive been thinking what each of the lads look for in a s/o
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Slenderman;
Given I'm aiming for the "he's been observing humans for centuries and has grown used to their antics," vibe with him, I feel like he'd like someone who keeps him guessing
Nothing TOO crazy, because he can be irritable, but if you intrigue him he'll definitely stay around
Does he have any peculiar icks? Tastes?
Can't stand messy people... doesn't mind if its unorganized, or a chaotic system, but if you live in muck it's a deal breaker
Doesn't care what you look like, or what gender you are; he sees beyond that because, again, ancient being that's been watching humans for a long time.. kinda desensitized to that sort of thing
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Laughing Jack;
He WANTS someone who can match his energy; but he NEEDS someone who can mellow him out
As much as I hate the "I can fix/change him" thing (well I dont HATE it, it really matters on execution and all), Jack needs someone who can make him chill out a bit
Icks? You know those people who kill the energy in a room? Like total buzzkill + downers? He doesnt like those. Not like the "he hates depressed people" way, obviously, but in the way that
Okay so idk if this is just a me thing but I come across a lot of people who do it on purpose for attention/quirkiness, those are the kinds of people he doesnt like
Like slenderman, he doesnt really care what you look like; bros gonna slip himself around you like a snake (affectionately)
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Eyeless Jack;
Right off the bat he needs someone who's understanding
It ain't easy being a cursed man who's forced to eat human meat
Someone who's willing to listen to what happened to him, and help him see the brighter side of things
Basically a "storm cloud x sunshine" ship dynamic
Icks? As long as you're not too chaotic or hyper he's fine with it; Jack is more quiet and reserved energy wise, stress tends to make the curses symptoms worse
Prefers short people; he himself is also short (I hc hes about 5'5), and he's a lil insecure, but he's not totally opposed to dating taller people
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Masky;
Writing for specifically masky for this one instead of the usual tim, hope that's alright!! I just wanna flesh out him n hoodie more
Bro is kinda..... whouf... rough around the edges; kinda feral
Not like FERAL feral, but this is the kind of dude who tunnels on someone during his work and wont be afraid to body slam into stuff full speed/force
So naturally, he gets hurt a lot. So a caring and soft partner is an immediate go to; especially since in my hc/au tim still exists, just as a different.. persona? Headspace? I really dont know the correct terms <\3
He likes observing as well, but he'll occasionally join in on whatever activity you're doing!!
Icks? Loud people... I would say spontaneous people as well, but considering my take on him, he kinda falls into a softcore version of that category
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Hoodie;
Very similar to masky, but also not... between the two hes more.. calm and calculating; whereas Masky tends to dive straight in, in most cases
Should not that neither of them verbally speak; so they both need a partner who's fine with physical touch since that's one of their main ways of communicating/showing affection
Especially with hoodie; dude always has a hand on you and guiding you in some way
Unlike all the others, hoodie does not have ANY preferences for partners. Doesn't matter the personality, body type, and he doesnt have many icks
Like
Probably doesnt like arrogance, kinda just annoys him.... but hey, makes his.. job.. easier
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savannahsdeath · 1 year ago
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Hi <33 I love love love your writing and I really want your take on what fucking santa barbara!Ellie would be like if your up to it 🫶🫶
first of all THANK YOU💗💗 and yes ofc i tried my best !!
SANTA BARBARA!ELLIE X READER HEADCANONS + EXAMPLE ONESHOT
mdni please<3
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warnings: 18+!! smut
writers note: its not like my typical hcs because this ones more like umm with plot?? idk how to say this but i hope ykwim😓ENJOY!!
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🌿 she's definitely rough like im sure 100%
🌿 she would degrade you but she also praises you from time to time
🌿 now, hear me out, she doesnt have her usual smirk. like someeetimessss but mostly she looks so stern and focused youre literally scared to make a sound
🌿 she definitely doesnt care about making a mess. shed be sooo sloppy istg!!!!
🌿 she also doesnt care about whatever youre saying. she barely listens. everytime you hit her with a 'stop/too fast' she either completely ignores you or replies with some 'huh? what did you say?' and shed go even faster..
🌿 she def uses strap but also loves just using her fingers. she just wants to feel it ykwimmm
heres an example story(lets skip the plot)
its not really what i meant but whatever😓
You couldn't stop yourself from moaning, what seemed like an invitation for Ellie to shush you by pressing her lips to yours. It silenced you, but not stopped, as your inaudible groans were now caught in Ellie's throat.
You were unable to move, pressed against the wall, so she didnt need to hold you. With her free hands she started undressing you both, knowing you wont be able to do so by yourself. She didn't break the kiss though, only stopping for a second when she had to pull your shirt over your head and didn't have access to your face. She continued right after.
You're not sure when did you moved to the bed, but here you were, laying down beneath her.
She kissed your neck, leaving wet spots on it. She was moving down your body, as you played with her hair, shutting your eyes closed.
Not long after that, a few more of your body parts were red from her nibbling - inner thighs mostly.
Even though she took her time, it didn't take too long. She knew youre impatient and wasn't in mood to mess with you, not yet, not like that.
Soon after, she buried her face between your legs, planting the same messy kisses all over there.
Her hands were holding onto your thighs, preventing them from clenching. You knew her grip will leave bruises, painful ones too, but you didnt care.
Ellie's tongue was definitely doing a good job, playing with your clit, slidding in and out of your entrance.
Her fingers didn't loose up but her thumbs started gently tracing circles on your skin, which definitely made it seem less aggressive.
When she was finished with her mouth, one of her hands took the initiative. She was rubbing two of her fingers for a few short moments, before pushing them in.
You were finally able to see her face - her expression. She looked at you firmly, like one bad move could get you killed.
You were whining and whimpering, desperately begging her to slow down.
"Sh, shhh... Just take what youre given, will you?" The corners of her mouth moved slightly upwards, creating a little smile.
You nodded but continued squirming, your thighs trembling, breath shaking...
"Oh, dont be so dramatic. Youre doing good, you'll handle it, trust me." She reassuringly patted your side. "People survived worse things."
Did that help? Well...
But you knew its the best she can do when it comes to being nice. You couldnt blame her, not after you found out about her past. She killed more people than you ever talked with, after all..
Your mind went blank and you couldnt think of anything to say, so you kept mumbling the two words you always do - 'Ellie' and 'please'. At this point, it seems your mouth remembered how to say these. Your tongue knew exactly what to do to make them come out of your mouth, while it was struggling with any other word.
But it was enough for her to know what you want to say.
When youre finally done (she can tell youre close by the way you scream her name, so she knows when to go faster), she cleans you up with her toned expression.
"See? You'll live, atta fucking girl."
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xjulixred45x · 6 months ago
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I HAVE A ANGST IDEA FOR A HADES GAME READER!
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
Did you see how Demeter made all life on earth incredibly difficult for mortals as punishment for having "stolen her daughter"? Well, based on the fact that in myths people literally DYING OF STARVATION (and apparently in the game, of cold) this idea came to me.
Imagine that the reader is a normal mortal, nothing particularly remarkable, EXCEPT that she is a farmer with the rest of her family, who just before the eternal winter came, they worshiped Demeter so they could have good crops and so on.
but then, without warning, winter arrives.
At first it's not so bad, because they can ration certain things and get by with some groceries, but as the months go by and the winter continues to get worse, so does the situation in the reader's house.
The surrounding villages begin to have pests, have problems with resources, not having to eat, etc. and the first deaths begin thanks to this, which quickly spread throughout the community where the reader lives.
The first to fall from the family are the most vulnerable, the grandparents and children of the reader's younger siblings, to whom they perform the appropriate funeral rituals along with all the people who had already died due to the winter.
Everyone's life is turned upside down trying to find ways to survive without having a coast to fish and with now few animals, and the cold gets worse and worse...
The community soon begins to decay and reader participates in the funeral rituals out of respect and to not think about the horrible situation, becoming more educated in the chnotic gods.
They are all desperate to survive, but the snow makes it almost impossible to leave the city where they live, so they are stuck.
It doesn't take long until the reader's parents also succumb, either from illness, from the cold, or from starvation from giving all the food to their surviving child.
and it's not even the worst.
reader is now sick too. So the remaining people of the town cannot allow her to make them all sick and kill them, so after giving the proper services to her family, they lock her in her own house.
but at this point the reader is so tired that she doesn't even mind being isolated. but she knows one thing. she can't allow herself to die like this. not because it is degrading or unfair, but because she knows that if she dies and no one performs an adequate ritual for her, she will not even see her family in the afterlife.
all the pain and suffering in vain.
So against all odds, the reader finds ways to survive on her own at home, constantly being in the limbo of life and death due to her horrible health.
and, thanks to this, the reader meets Thanatos.
I think I'll leave it vague if the relationship would be platonic or romantic, but they definitely got off to a bad start.
We already know that Thanatos finds his work exhausting, so the fact that the reader clung to life and did not want to leave even when she was in horrible conditions bothered him to no end.
and on the other hand, the reader OBVIOUSLY did not want to die and it was annoying that he wished her dead (even if it was technically his job?) and that led to several verbal fights. at first.
Thanatos appeared at the reader's house when she was especially weak, whether she could not move on her own, had respiratory attacks and/or was in special pain, etc. episodes that, although temporary, were still close encounters with death.
When Reader and Thanatos eventually get tired of insulting each other in these moments, at first they just wait to see whether Reader will survive this particular episode or not, in a rather tense silence.
It is not until the third or fourth time this happens that the reader begins a conversation with Thanatos in an "informal" way.
As one can imagine, at first Thanatos didn't even react or try to continue with said conversation, just do his job and leave, but as time went by he began to show more signs of listening to what the reader was saying. and eventually even give short answers.
He doesn't share much, but now the reader doesn't go crazy being alone.
I also imagine that on some occasions, when the reader can't move much, she DRAG to go get food/medicine, which bothers Thanatos because it seems 1- unhygienic and 2- stupid in a certain sense, mortals get sick because of it. not taking care of themselves, does she NOT want to get better?
It is from there that their relationship begins to improve, but the reader's health worsens every day.
It's the same as what happens with the other villagers that Thanatos collects, weakness, coughing up blood, pain in the rib cage, inability to eat, difficulty breathing--
but even so, the reader STILL wants to cling to this miserable existence, she can't even eat or stand anymore and STILL doesn't want to leave...
WHY? WHY SUFFER THIS WAY INSTEAD OF SIMPLY DIE?
and the reader's response is quite simple.
There is no one who can give her a burial, but her family did have one, without that she would simply wander through the Underworld and be alone AGAIN.
but at the same time, the reader no longer has the strength to continue holding on, the pain is UNBEARABLE and the little energy she has leaves her...
Thanatos is there, at least.
I like to think that the reader would agree to go with Thanatos VOLUNTARILY if he even lets her see her family one last time, thus dying peacefully.
And it would be especially ironic if by chance the reader ends up as a shadow in the house of Hades😅
I think that in general, a deceased reader would be like a more responsible Hypnos, she is not going to bother the GOD OF DEATH so she does the minimum ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
She is definitely happier now that she is no longer in pain, but she was quite traumatized by the experience :') although on the positive side, she is one of the few people who can play pranks on Thanaros with almost no consequences!
simply....mortal reader sheneigans.
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Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!
Maybe i could use this Reader with another characters? Idk. I didn't know how to finish this but i like it!
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thatwritterbeach · 2 months ago
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One messed up bat pt.2
Dc masterlist all other parts found here
Batfam x reader Jason Todd x reader
Summary: the batfam's approach to Y/n self harming, Bruce is a meanie, and neglectful meanie
warnings: Angst, self harm (active), self hate, depression, anxiety, eating disorder,mentions of alcohol and drugs but not use of either, sexual assault mention, non-con mention, joker has bad touched y/n, puke, purging,
I do not own dc, kinda short sorry. Full bruce hate, I never forgave him for not killing the joker, among other things
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Bruce, Dick, Tim, and Damian all sat around her while Alfred poured tea. Her leg was bouncing and her fingers were tapping on her knees.
"Somebody gonna fill me in," Bruce asked into the silence.
"I second that," Jason said.
"Well, we are here to support-" Tim started to say before Damian cut in.
"Y/n was cutting herself and you have to fix it," he said from his spot next to her. He latched himself onto her arm and rolled her sleeve up to show off the bandage.
"Y/n," Bruce said softly, running a hand down his face in exhaustion. He's too tired to put up with you.
"Why," Jason asked moving to sit next to her and grab her other hand. Tim was sitting on the back of the couch behind her, Dick was perched on the arm next to Damian and Bruce was across from her in an arm chair.
"I'm in a family of superheros that spends more time looking after strangers than they do their own people."
"Y/n," Dick said on a sigh.
"It's our job," Bruce said. Like that excused all the neglect.
"If you're just gonna undermine everything I say and bring up 'the mission' as an excuse for everything there's no point in having this conversation cuz it's just gonna make things worse," she seethed glaring at Bruce.
"No more work talk, just tell us about you," Dick said.
"Damian go help Alfred with dinner."
"But-"
"Go." He rolled his eyes but stomped out of the room.
"I've been cutting since Jason died-"
"Shit," Tim interrupted quietly.
"Burning too when I feel like it. Definitely have an eating disorder, depression goes without saying. All forms of anxiety, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, hmmm," she paused in mock thought looking to the ceiling for answers.
"What do you mean burning," Jason asked before she could continue.
"I use a lighter to heat up a blade, or something else metal and hold it to my skin. Just 1st and second degree, enough to blister. I prefer burning because the pain lasts longer," she explained casually. Stop talking you idiot!
"Y/n," Dick muttered, so sadly the guilt crept up her throat.
"How else do you hurt yourself," Bruce asked sliding her tea closer to her, like that helped.
"I think that's it, don't know I've done shit for so long I don't even think anymore. I blink and there's a few new cuts I don't remember making." Stop talking!
"Oh my god," Tim whispered.
"You black out? Do you drink," Jason accused, unwilling to ask about drugs.
"Nope, never touch the stuff." Where her hands shaking or was she imagining that? Didn't matter Jason's warm and rough hand enveloped both of hers to stop them. Are your eyes meant to get fuzzy when your crush touches you?
"What can we do to help, what do you need from us," Bruce asked eyeing their hands with a touch of unease?
"Oh, now you care. What fifteen, twenty kids later you care? I don't need or want anything from you, actually, no, what I want is my damn job back." Is your heart supposed to be at 150 BPM?
"Sweets, I can feel your heart through your finger tips."
"I'm fine, my heart rate's always a bit fast." But she was starting to sweat.
"Are you having any other systems, how often do you have anxiety attacks," Dicks asked sitting beside her to hold two fingers to her pulse and count.
"Once a week, once every two weeks, I don't know, why?"
"Do you feel like you're going into one?"
She took a deep breath and did a mental self-assessment. Fast heart, sweat, shaky hands, but clear thoughts.
"I don't-I don't...it doesn't feel like it? Maybe just heightened anxiety, I don't know, I feel more anger than anxiety," she told him smacking his hand away when he tried to check for a fever.
"Does your heart rate usually get to 160 when you're mad," Dick asked.
"Sounds right, I have anger issues." Jason snorted out a laugh.
"Welcome to the club kid." His hand moved to tug on her hair then dropped to her neck to rub circles with his thumb.
"When you call me kid it makes me feel small and useless," she told him with soft smile.
"Shit, sorry."
"I cal you kid, like ninety percent of the time," Dick panicked.
"Chill big bird, it's not gonna drive me to a cliff."
"You're not going back to work."
"Wayta' read the room, Bruce," Tim chastised dramatically draping himself over the back of the couch.
"Careful, Tim your fruit is showing," Y/n said, laughing at her own joke. ( Tim is bi in this)
"His what," Jason whisper yelled whipping his head around to check his brother fly. Dick who was 'hip' to the kids slang these days just laughed and high fived her.
"What's fruit then?"
"When someone is gay you call them fruity," she explained gesturing to Tim's totally not straight pose.
"Oh, got it. Wait a damn minute, that's what you meant when you called me a mango nerd the other day."
"Dude you said and I quote 'you can't wear that spring outfit with that fall purse you heathen' with a hand on your hip."
"It was for a benefit ball, I was trying to help you, you fashionably challenged fool."
"Get a room," Tim complained throwing a hand over his eyes like even watching them was painful.
"Was it that peach dress with the blue clutch," Dick asked, of course, he hadn't attended but he saw the papers and news.
"Sorry, I thought I was the girl in this family, let me just turn my closet over to you-"
"Can we get back to your issues," Bruce interrupted, freaking buzzkill.
"Sorry, was my bonding time with brothers I haven't seen together in over a month cutting into your plans. Are you trying to wrap this up so you can put on your Halloween costume and go beat up poor people. Sorry my depression is such an inconvenience for you. Don't worry, me slicing into my own flesh can take a backseat to your useless and selfish vendetta.-"
"That's enough, I do care-"
"Really! Did you care when your second robin got murdered and you couldn't be bothered to stop his killer, did you care when you forced me into that suit and took me out with basically no training? Did you care when the man you refused to kill took me hostage, when the devil you clearly love sank his claws into my innocent skin? Did you even ask when I came back to the cave with blood running down my legs-" Her jaw might have popped from the grinding of her teeth if Dick and Jason hadn't cut her off.
"What the actually fuck, Bruce!" Jason.
"What the hell!" Dick.
"I didn't know," Bruce said hanging his head and shoving his fingers into his hair.
"You didn't fucking ask. Why the hell else would I have come back looking the way I did, did you even notice I was gone?"
"I-"
"I don't care," she interrupted with an eye roll, shaking the boys off her to try and leave the room. Tim was faster and blocked her path but she knew he would cave, they would all give her alone time after the bombshell she'd just dropped. She tried not to smirk when Bruce moved to follow her and both Dick and Jason stood in his way.
"So not only did you fail to stop a kid from being murdered, you failed to tell me he was even dead until after his funeral, and you failed to protect her."
"I hate you," Jason said and they all knew he meant it. The guilt was back, clawing at her insides and making bile rise to her throat. They'd been mending their relationship and she just turned Jason on Bruce without thinking.
"I'm sorry," he tried.
"We don't care," Tim spoke for all of them stepping aside to let her through. She hurried to leave before they changed their mind but stopped short with a soft 'shit' when she nearly ran into Damian.
"You heard it all didn't you?"
"Father's an idiot."
"I'm sorry you had to hear that."
"Tt, I'm sorry you had to go through that, my beloved." (he calls her that cuz she's his favorite and acts almost as a mother figure)
"You mind telling Alfred not to set my place?"
"Of course."
Thank God, he didn't insist on following her. With a quick hug and hair ruffle she sent him off and nearly sprinted to her room, her trained feet not making a sound on the polished wood. They hadn't taken any of her blades yet so she had her pick for one last hurrah before they found her. With what could only be described as a quiet evil laugh she selected a simple pocket knife and skipped to her en suit locking the door behind her. her shorts were off in a flash and she had four quick and clean cuts in no time, the sting was ok but not enough to ease the guilt from blabbing her big mouth so she did a few more. The feeling didn't ease and her chest only got tighter in panic of being found so she cleaned and bandaged them then sank to her knees in front of the toilet. Pressing on her stomach right where her ribs met she was able to bring up her food without shoving her fingers down her throat. When nothing but foam came up and her eyes stung from tears she rose to clean up.
"Y/n, you have two second before I kick in the door," Jason warned. Well shit.
9-24-24
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georgiapeach30513 · 5 months ago
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Perfume on the Shelf
Summary: You told him he had one more chance to cheat, and you were done. Warning him there would be no second chances, but he didn’t listen. Couldn’t believe you. He definitely didn’t think you’d run into his partner’s arms. Jack was always waiting on you to wise up. And now he’s going to show you just how hard soft love can be.
Pairings: Jack O'Malley X Reader
Rating: explicit
Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, drinking, cheating, unprotected sex, PIV sex, hard sex, creampie, 18+ ONLY
Word Count: 3K
Jack O'Malley Masterlist
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You didn’t need to say anything or cause a scene. You saw him with another woman. Again. Again he disappointed you. Again he lied to you. Again he chose someone that wasn’t you. You gave him too many chances, and you’re not even sure if it’s because of love, fear, or just fucking stupidity that caused you to stay.
You take a sip of your whiskey. Letting the amber liquid burn down your throat, and give you something to think about besides the way he looked as he pushed into her. Her obnoxious pornstar sounds that echoed out into your home. Yes, he paid for it, but you still lived there. You loved it there, but he tainted it for the last time. It just wasn’t worth the loss of your dignity.
You give the bar a little tap, and the bartender gives you a pitiful look. “Just fucking pour me another round.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Absolutely not,” why the hell would you want to tell a stranger your problems? And what were you supposed to say? My boyfriend that’s a hitman for hire cheats on me all the fucking time, and thinks he should be allowed to that because his job is stressful, and he needs to fuck. Of course you have a perfectly viable pussy that he never complained about, but new pussy just feels different. And he thinks that is justifying his actions to you.
Asshole.
Robert wasn’t a terrible guy, but he was far from being great, or even good, especially in a relationship. You let him use you because you ‘love’ him. You scoff hearing that word in your mouth. While you loved him it was one sided, and you’re beginning to think you didn’t even love him at all. Maybe the idea of him, and that just makes you feel sick. What idea of him? The fact that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone that crosses you? Where have you heard that line before?
You are just as bad as him no matter how you want to think about it. You couldn’t justify how seeing him punish a man that has wronged you made you feel. How you watched him end the life of people for you — for your safety. You know you’re a sicko, but you also know you won’t be disrespected, and you at least are loyal. It wasn’t worth it.
Maybe the cheating throughout your relationship hardened you each time, so that when it was time to break free it didn’t hurt. What hurts is your ego and the fact he trampled all over it. Asshole. Big fucking dick asshole. You hate him, and hate it worse that you allowed him that amount of freedom with your heart.
Maybe shame is a better word to describe things. You just feel numb. Not the sense of relief you thought you would feel but…nothing at all. You tap your finger on the bar, hoping to get a refill soon. You lift the final drink to your mouth, but a thick and heavy hand lays on yours tapping the table and you look to your right. Annoyed that someone had the audacity to stop you, and you glare at the man.
“I think you’ve had enough. She’s had enough,” he says, waving at the bartender.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Jack. You can fuck off, too.”
“Yeah, he told me you hadn’t made it home. I told him you probably did.”
Your eyes downcast to the scratched wood. This bar is nowhere you would have ever found yourself any other time. You didn’t want to be found though. Robert would look at the high end hotel bars. you wanted to be left alone to lick your wounds and wait for him to get an assignment so you can pack up your shit, and leave for good.
“You knew?”
“Knew that he’s always fucking someone? Yeah. You’re the stupid woman that kept making excuses for him. The one that believed him when he said that he wouldn’t ever do it again, and it would last maybe a couple of weeks. Sex was real good at home, but then…like I said last time, he’s insatiable. It’s not you, it really is him. The man has no business being in a relationship. And I told you that. Or did you forget? You thought your pussy could cure his whoring ways,” you snort, your eyes go glossy as you look to the wall of liquor bottles.
Every time he cheated, Jack told you that you would be better off without him. That he wasn’t going to change, and he hadn’t. He was still a man that was going to fuck who he wanted to fuck. “That’s not all you said to me.”
“Oh yeah? And what else did I say, sweetheart?” His foot wraps around the leg of your stool, and he pulls you dangerously close to his own. Placing you right in between his thighs as he leans forward, “Go on, tell me what I said to you.”
“You know,” you whisper, your hand absentmindedly placing on his thigh. You move the hand up, and pull it back down. Looking at his thick leg, he places his fingers on your chin, lifting your gaze to him. Tsking you as he shakes his head. “You know what you said.”
“And I need you to refresh my memory. I easily forget.”
You lean in too close. Your mouth is right at his ear, and you place your lips over the shell, “You told me I could get under you, and you could help me forget him.”
“And what do you suppose I meant by that?” His breath on your neck sends a chill up your spine, and heat pools to your core. You feel like a bitch in heat with how bad you want him to make you forget. You didn’t love Robert, and had no intentions of returning, or even staying here. But something about your goodbye being with Jack’s cock fucking into you sounds delicious.
“I think you meant you want to fuck me,” leaning back you watch as Jack’s pupils expand. Blowing wide with dark pools of lust, and blocking out the crystal blue of his eyes. What both of you are proposing should be forbidden, but you weren’t loyal to any man anymore. You want him. You want him raw and unhinged.
“I think you want to hear what I sound like when I come on your cock. You want to fuck me so good and hard I forget everything I saw tonight. You want me to cry from pleasure instead of betrayal. You want me to be your little slut tonight, and have my cunt milk your cock dry.”
Jack doesn’t respond with words, he lays down a hundred dollar bill and picks you up, throwing you on his shoulder. His eyes roll in the back of his head when he feels your pussy throbbing with a need to be filled. A need to be punished. Carrying you out of the bar before walking down the street.
“Where are we going?” you ask, giggling because being upside down with some whiskey in your system is making you loopy.
“Uh uh, stay with me. We’re going to a hotel. It’s just a block away.”
“You mean that crummy old motel?”
“Eh,” he shrugs the best he can. “It’s the best option right now. Plus, I know what the best room of the place is. They keep it nice and clean for me. Just trust me,” you didn’t care about trust, you just want Jack to fuck you so you can say a big fuck you to Robert. You hoped that Jack bragged about it. Took a picture of it, hell, record it. You didn’t care. That part of you is no longer there. You want Robert to feel as low as you do, while you moan out another man’s name.
Get to feel blissful for once. You’re an adult, and you have imagined being under, over, beside, upside down, and whatever position this man could come up with, with Jack. The man is attractive, and he’s not been subtle in asking you, more like begging you. You are just now in the right state of mind to receive his kind of attention.
He slams open the door, and slings you on the bed immediately. His hands paw at your pants as he tries to remove your clothes while you look around the room. This is too nice here. It’s bigger than the normal room. “Take your shirt off,” he tells you breathlessly.
His lips attach to your legs, creating a trail of desire all the way up before his sinful mouth is kissing over your drenched panties. “What is this place?”
“It’s my home. Stop talking.”
“You live here?”
“Yes,” he sighs, leaning back on his haunches, and you sit up off the bed watching him. “And I’m apparently a little rusty. I’m pulling out all the stops for you, kissing you over that stupid piece of fabric that you call panties. Moaning at the way you taste, and you’re just worried about my damn hotel.”
“Your hotel?” You didn’t know this about Jack. He’s full of surprises.
“And I’m only mildly offended that you made that gross comment about my crummy hotel, but the fact you’re ignoring my pinky that is only slightly rubbing over you is offensive,” you genuinely smile at him. There’s more to Jack than meets the eye. He really wants you to enjoy this moment. Not just seek revenge on your lying boyfriend, but see him. Pay attention to him, even though you haven’t exactly ignored him.
There’s a true sadness over his face, and you pull off your shirt. Reaching behind you to your bra, “You’re not trying to talk yourself out of sleeping with me this time?” You shake your head no. A grin spreads over your face as you let your bra drop into your lap, and he slings it behind him quickly.
Lifting your ass you shake your hips back and forth, removing your panties, and spread your legs wide. Dipping your fingers into your warmth, and you bring them back out. Stretching them wide, and watching as Jack stares at the webbing of your slick coated your fingers.
“Get undressed, Jack,” he does so enthusiastically. Nearly tripping as he tries to rid himself of his clothes, and that glorious cock springs free. Beads of precum shine in the low lighting, and his member twitches with excitement. Kneeling on the bed, he crawls in between your thighs, and you cover your cunt with your hands.
“Oh, come on!” It’s more silly than serious, but he’s adorable being animated.
“First, tell me, is this a one time thing? Or are we going to be seeing a lot of each other from now on?”
“Sugar, I only want you for sex,” no he doesn’t. A man doesn’t chase after a woman for years just for sex. But you want him to admit it to you. It could be all there is, or it could be that he wants to sneak around some more. Your bet is on the latter.
“Sure you do.”
“I’m being honest,” he smiles as he starts to lift your hands away. Holding his cock at the base he runs his blunt tip through your folds. Collecting your arousal, and he dips lower. Pushing just the tip in before he pulls out. “This is just a one time thing. Understand?”
“Then you better fuck me hard and good, so I don’t forget.”
“I’ll fuck you so deep that your body will be mesmerized by me. Crave me for all of eternity, and ruin you for other men.”
“If it’s just a one time thing, why would you do that?” He doesn’t answer. He just crashes into your warmth. So fast that the world spins on another axis, and your body lurches up the bed. You yelp as his cock whispers against your cervix. Eyes rolling in the back of your head as Jack settles into your warmth.
Giving your walls a chance to accommodate his thick girth, and your breathing to regulate again. “What was that you asked?”
“I said,” he pulls out of your pussy, crashing back in, balls deep. Jack’s sack bounces off your ass, and you forget what you were trying to convey. “I said that — oh my fuck!” He does this again. Stopping your line of thought every time. He is almost painfully deep, but your body pulls him closer. Wrapping your legs around his waist, and arching your back.
You want to feel him through your entire body. “I think you were trying to say something?”
“Just fuck me!”
“As you wish,” he drags himself out of you, and starts to piston back in. A brutal pace, and you can’t think of anything else, but the pleasure. The absolute perfect way that this man melts into your body just like you are the perfect fit for him. The bed slams against the wall, and you still need more. Maybe it’s just Jack.
The thought of only getting this one time, and never again is appalling. You need this everyday. You need to receive him multiple times a day. Have him filling you up, but in a weird way, worshiping you. Petting around your face, and giving you the sweetest chaste kisses while he splits you in two. He is demolishing you from the inside out, and you want him to.
You want him to take all that he needs, just so you can thank him for his services. Thrusting into you so hard that you feel bruises being formed at the apex of your thighs. You could get used to this kind of treatment. The treatment that you are the only thing that could ever matter to him. And you are the only one that could make him feel this way.
“Jack! Jack! Jaaaaaacck!”
“I know. And you’re going to take everything that I give you. Whenever I give it to you, you’re going to take it, and you’re going to tell me thank you. Okay?” You nod your head, words barely able to form on your lips, and you take it all.
Every stab into your body, you take it. Every mark he nips onto your neck, you take it. Every sharp pinch to your nipples, you take it. You take everything with fervor. You will take whatever this man gives you. Every bit of it. You’re ruined for other men sexually, if only…
“I’m going to count to three, and we’re going to come together. One,” you pout up at him. Biting on your lip as your walls start to flutter around his wide cock. This is going too fast. If you only get one chance, he should make it last for hours.
“Two,” he softly wipes his thumb over your forehead, removing the sweat that beads along your skin, and you whimper out his name. He is the devil for being too good at this. You want more. More of him. Not just his body. But the buildup is too much. You want to come on his cock. You want to feel him come into you.
“Three,” his word is more like a grunt as your tight pussy clenches down around him. Holding him so tight that you hope you trap him inside until he gets hard again and the two of you die because you can’t stop fucking each other.
One more push into you, and you feel hot ribbons of his cum spurt deep inside of you, and you both mewl at the feeling of your juices mixing into the most beautiful form of arousal. Fusing together as one as you search his eyes. Please. Please let him tell you that one time is never enough. Be good enough that he wants to stay.
He whispers out your name while his breathing is labored, and choked. “I’m not good enough for you. And I’m not good enough to walk away from you either.”
“Good.”
“I need you to get dressed and walk away from me, and this life,” you twist your head to the side and study him. “You deserve a better life than this, and I need…”
“What do you want though?”
“For you to never go anywhere that I’m not. I’ve always wanted you, and you know that,” how could it be possible that you’re now the one that needs him in your life. Jack has tried for so long. Even before Robert became your poison of choice. Why did he stick around and wait for this moment for all that time?
“I want to do this again and again and again. I want you.”
And for the first time in so long, you want to do what you want, too. You want him. You hate this life. But you want him. You can’t go on pretending that this life doesn’t exist because he is all you want. For how long was anyone’s guess because you’re unsure when Jack is who you wanted, and yet you denied him because you were with Robert. But you are tired of pretending, and tired of fighting.
“I’m sorry I tried to make you jealous,” and there it is. The man is finally apologizing after all these years. Games and more stupid games. Games that had real life consequences. Games that made you both take such different paths in life. “I love you.”
“Ehh, we’re not doing that now. I’m sorry I had to make you jealous for making me jealous. And then I got caught in Robert’s web. No more games.”
“None,” he’s tired of the games and chasing as well. Now he just wants to chase you to the bed.
“Just you and me?”
“And the devil makes three,” and that’s how you like it. Equal partners. For now until you each take your last dying breath. Just you. And him. And the devil makes three…
Masterlist
@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai
@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989
@pandaxnienke @donutloverxo @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bambamwolf87 @rogersbarber
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asharkapologist · 2 months ago
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Why David Jones Should 100% Sue Bromden Psychiatric Hospital
Okay so I've been brainrotted with S5 lately since I've been playing The Conspiracy out of order for fanfiction purposes and like I know this has been mentioned before but Jones has an amazing legal case against the crappy hospital Zoe was killed at. Let's go over everything they did that by itself would probably warrant a lawsuit, but altogether would legally annihilate them:
They allowed a serial killer to psychologically torture Zoe. Rosamund was even planning on killing her eventually. How on EARTH is a serial killer even allowed to interact with other patients like that? Rosamund should be in prison, not a psychiatric hospital.
Allowed an orderly with a clear conflict of interest (his brother was murdered and the killer got away with it due to "diminished responsibility" due to an insanity plea) to work around her and also harass her (calling her a murderer, vandalizing her mirror with such a message).
Let Louis into her room to put a HIDDEN. CAMERA. there. How on EARTH was that even possible? How on earth did he get into her room? Either he was just allowed to freely roam about the hospital and enter patients' rooms when they weren't there, which indicates that patient rooms aren't locked when they're empty, because Zoe would have obviously noticed him hiding a camera. Additionally, I'm not sure if visitors would even be allowed in a patient's room with no supervision. Did Louis drug her or something then plant the camera? How? I feel like Zoe would have realized that, too, if that had happened. Either way, it is a massive problem that visitors can just plant stuff to spy on patients.
There are tons of things in her room she could use to hurt herself.
@blugnettabutterflies helped me with this one. There are no working security cameras because Louis killed her in BROAD. FREAKING. DAYLIGHT. This one is even worse because there is a security camera as a collectable item in the hospital courtyard! It should have seen everything! Why is that not a valid thing to pick up?!
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That thing should have been on, and the case would have been a lot shorter if it actually did its job. Gloria and the player would have seen it, and the following would have happened:
"Louis Leroux, you are under arrest for the murder of Zoe Kusama!"
"What? She was my friend! I would never kill her!"
*Plays camera footage showing their argument and her murder*
"Uhhh..."
Lets patients be by themselves with no supervision or protection or staff nearby. (again. Louis. He and Zoe were yelling at each other and then he killed her. While it's true that sharp/blunt force trauma can kill someone quickly, the fact that NOBODY was within earshot to hear to people yelling at each other and one of them KILLING the other, speaks volumes. The second there was yelling, staff should have come running. ) Nobody even seemed to know where she was! David and co. just stumbled into her!
Louis wasn't planning on killing Zoe that morning, meaning he probably didn't have a change of clothes when he went to gaslight/manipulate her into being a test subject again, which means he was probably COVERED in blood yet still? No one saw this man covered in blood from KILLING someone and immediately stopped him??? He literally was only able to wipe his hands with a piece of PAPER that he then threw away and NO ONE, no security cameras picked up on this? The bloody paper he threw away was in the common area! How was there no one else there? Was there, and when someone asked him why he was covered in blood, he made up some random excuse and they were like oh okay sounds good, carry on? How did no cameras pick him up? Did it go something like this?
The staff during the case: We have no idea who could have killed her, certainly not her ONLY VISITOR TODAY
Seems to be rundown. I know anger/frustration towards Zoe and desperation/fear (thanks to/of Denise) definitely gave Louis an adrenaline boost, but how on earth was he able to yank up/out a metal fence post from a fence that looks like this???
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Anyway, that's my rant. David has an excellent case against the hospital, and should sue them into oblivion. Thanks, Carla, for helping me with this!
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