#especially on neurodivergent ppl and ppl with anxiety like me

[carneflower13]

i honestly think my job is what’s keeping my depression symptoms around

[impactrueno]

(From Twitter) I think ppl still have a right to be more comfortable with Musical BJ and or Toon BJ than with Movie BJ. No one is trying to say that either Beetlejuice is a good person. We know they’re all bad. Some ppl are just more comfortable with one than the other and that’s just their preference.

And while you said the green card thing didn’t originate in the musical it still rubs me the wrong way that movie BJ stalked and obsessed over Lydia all the way into her adulthood as she grew up when he maybe could have just found another ADULT woman to get the green card.

Most of us find more comfor in musical BJ and or Toon BJ because they both seem more relatable and we are able to see ourselves within them. Especially musical BJ. A lot of ppl relate to and find comfort musical BJ because he struggles with similar issues we do.

Those being mommy/daddy issues, depression, anxiety, being neurodivergent,

(it’s not necessarily canon explicitly within the musical but let’s be honest there is no neurotypical explanation for musical BJ’s mannerisms/behaviors/pos)

abandonment issues/extreme fear of abandonment and being alone, and just wanting to be/feel loved and desired by someone after feeling invisible, othered, ostracized, unloved, and unseen by everyone around you, including by the ppl who are supposed to love and care about you and accept you and your flaws. And I think the same could maybe even be said for toon BJ too tho I’m still in the process of watching the cartoon and i didn’t get to certain episodes yet tho I have seen clips.(not to mention him and Lydia being BFFs)

Most ppl agree that musical BJ SA’ing Adam and Barbara plus wanting to marry Lydia, and killing ppl cuz of things not going his way was not a good thing.

Ppl just feel more comfortable with the fact that musical BJ at least wasn’t attracted to Lydia in that way and viewed her as just a friend/pal. Again HE STILL SHOULDNT HAVE DONE IT EITHER WAY but I just hope you understand what I’m trying to say .

While it most likely wasn’t your intent, your most recent thread about you talking about ppl thinking that musical BJ was better than movie BJ kinda came off as you talking down to the ppl who find more comfort in/are more comfortable with musical BJ than they do with movie BJ.

Majority of us aren’t necessarily trying to say that musical BJ is a good person. We just think he’s misunderstood in some areas. Both things can be true. I rlly hope i wasn’t coming off as rude in this message. I just think you could maybe try and see it from another perspective, you know?

i responded on twitter but i'll do it here as well just to make sure (the posts this person is referring to are here and here)

i want to apologize for coming off like i was talking people down. it was not my intent but i can definitely see why it comes off that way.

frankly? i totally get you! cuz i'm the same. i find musical and cartoon bj very comforting and relatable, more so cartoon bj. i know it might not seem like it because i'm always giving him shit lol but beetlejuice (in general) is my absolute favorite character of anything ever.

if you see my replies to ppl when talking about musical bj you'll find that despite what i said in the thread, i completely understand WHY people are more comfortable with him. he's designed to be that way, you ARE supposed to sympathize with him, there's nothing wrong with that!

movie bj is absolutely supposed to rub you the wrong way, even when he's not doing anything. he's an unsettling presence. *this* bj is designed to make you feel creeped out, not sympathize with him like musical bj. this is undeniable

i guess i made that thread as a way to compare the two, how despite everything musical bj did fans are completely endeared to him and why that is. never meant to talk anyone down. hell, i would be talking MYSELF down if that were the case 😭

another thing i should add; i've been getting a lot...a LOOOT of comments recently on my beetlejuice comics so i've been getting a clear view of how people tend to look at one bj or the other, and i often comment on that because fandom sociology is interesting i guess? i'm a nerd

LASTLY (sorry this got long)

a lot of my tweets are my unfiltered stream of consciousness and me talking to myself 💀 and sometimes i don't realize how it might come off to other people. i just yap a lot when i'm doing character studies and i'm subjecting you guys (my twitter followers not here on tumblr) to it SORRY

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[poryphoria]

bunch of neurodivergent/disability/whateverthefuck you wanna call these angled crackpot hcs bc fuck ya life (my crackles uses hymn/gore/rot/chirp thank uuuu ^_^)

touch adverse to strangers, flinches & winces whenever someone chirp doesn't know bumps or touches hymn. needs a lot of personal space, hyperventilates & struggles to breathe in crowds or in general uncomfortably close proximity to strangers

however gore is also BADLY touch starved in an intimate or friendly way. loves to cuddle, hold hands, hug & lean on ppl. craves body heat. would probably be healed if someone just laid on hymn like a sandwich for an hour or so

hates eye contact but loves to stare at people when they're not looking. not for malicious purposes hy just finds people fascinating

acne crazystyle bc rot can never stop touching & picking rots face & body 🔥🔥🔥🔥 hys got it all over hys shoulders and back too, sometimes on hys thighs. dry skin aswell bc hy hates the sensation of lotion/whatever oily shit ur supposed to put on ur skin to make it Not do that. patchy like a lizard 🔥🔥🔥🔥

severe stomach issues & food sensitivity 🔥🔥🔥🔥 gets horrible stomach cramps from stress & anxiety. Stressed and anxious often. god bless. gore's also lactose intolerant 🔥🔥🔥🔥

has trouble expressing gratitude- feels a lot of emotions very strongly but hy's rarely able to actually express or articulate them. on the equal opposite end rot tends to break down into tears whenever rot tries to express frustration & anger, frustratingly enough

CHRONIC PAIN NUMERO UNOOOOO 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Walking Hurts! Standing Hurts! Why does it hurt? Only god knows! would probably benefit from a cane. frequent back pain as well occasional mystery hand pain. also gets period cramps REALLY FUCKING BADLY to the point that they usually leave hymn bedridden for a day

anxious stutter & hy tends to mix up & get stuck on words, especially when hys brain is moving faster than hy can talk.

mimics voices & speech patterns, especially those of the people hy likes/is close with. does silly voices to hymnself. often Gets Stuck doing said voices. Condemned to the bit

in a similar vein, has been told that gore is inexpressive/"too flat" so frequently that gore now overcompensates heavily by exaggerating hys voice & gestures in order to get hymnself across

has mild dyslexia, mixes up directions frequently, Very Bad at navigating

chronically bad memory issues that were exacerbated by the dissonance poisoning. Sticky note.... Save me sticky note with appointment written on it.... Save me clipboard full of important information I will not remember otherwise.....

sensory ordeals chirp despises: dust/powder on hands, being in close proximity to live bands, the taste of smoke in food/grilled meats, any smell that is very chemical-y in nature (formaldehyde and latex are sort of exceptions but they're on thin ice.)

has a very difficult time discerning between platonic & romantic affection, and honestly doesn't rly gaf about the difference either at this point. love is love and rot has so much of it in rots heart

source: all of these came to me in prophetic visions. i probably have more but i cant remember them rn You're welcome thank youuu

[chaotic-autumn]

feeling absolutely feral about the moment Stede finally realizes he's in love with Ed, get ready for some Thoughts

i've mentioned before how much i love the reading of Stede's character as autistic (and just generally how neurodivergent coded he and ed are) and I think interpreting his character this way makes the payoff of this Epiphany moment even more powerful. (might make a separate post on rom com plot points in ofmd sometime because i am unhinged about that too)

And it's SO important to me that this moment isn't played for laughs, because I am so sick of "neurodivergent-coded people Not Understanding Stuff" being a punchline. It's NOT written like "oh haha you dummy, DUH it was so obvious" (i mean maybe it is a little but in an affectionate way), we have compelling narrative evidence to justify why Stede doesn't understand that he's falling in love (and that Ed loves him back). And that makes it so so beautiful and affecting when he finally gets it.

An important coping mechanism for ppl with social anxiety/who struggle with social interaction is to really analyze the logic and intention behind social customs/things people say/etc. And it can be such a big EUREKA! moment when you do figure out the subtext/purpose of an interaction. Like for me realizing that the goal of small talk isn't to learn how the other person feels about the weather, it's a way of saying "i am acknowledging your personhood by acknowledging that you have feelings about the weather, that this experience, though trivial, is shared" made small talk SO much more bearable for me. (i mean sometimes it's still excruciating but at least now i get that it's not Pointless)

ANYWAY, we see Stede doing this in Episode 5 when he's explaining aristocratic social life to Ed:

"...and dining is pageantry." (sorry for the mediocre screen grabs)

And we see that even though he understands it, he doesn't feel comfortable with it or fit into it naturally, and he empathizes with Ed's struggle to learn the unspoken language of high society. (eg. "That's diabolical"/"It is") In fact Stede's whole storyline in this episode is basically about how much he empathizes with Ed's experience of trying to fit in with the "upper crust", and finally being able to turn the tables on the people who were mean to Ed, the way he couldn't as a child when people were mean to him.

But there's a limit to the helpfulness of this! Because ultimately emotions aren't always rational, and it can be really hard to interpret/accept your own feelings. Especially when you can't refer to an existing experience of times you felt/dealt with similar feelings. And that is frustrating and can be painful, and that pain can lead to avoidance/redirecting that pain.

(personal example but like: I spent so much time as a teenager getting so mad at myself for how IRRATIONAL all my hurt feelings and intrusive thoughts were, and that just contributed to the negative self image spiral. And it felt like this endless and unbearable cycle so I just constantly tried to distract myself with schoolwork/tv/etc)

We see Stede having this reaction a little in Episode 2 with Nigel's "ghost" (ie. a representation/manifestation of his guilt and self-doubt):

And then the elder hits the nail right on the head right here:

Stede feels guilty about Nigel's death, but Mainly (like fundamentally to his character arc in this season) he feels guilty about leaving Mary and his kids. But that guilt hurts too much, he doesn't want to think about that AT ALL, so he thinks about Nigel instead.

Now obviously he hasn't met Ed yet at this point, but this gives us as an audience important insight into how he deals with intense or frightening feelings (by avoiding them). This episode is also a crucial part of establishing the depth of Stede's self-doubt, which contributes to him not seeing that Ed is falling in love with him. I think that is linked to Stede not recognizing his own feelings for Ed, because overall he's just blind to the possibility that love is what is happening on either side of the equation.

And ESPECIALLY in the context of the queer experience it can be even harder to interpret your feelings in the love and relationships department because there's less language to explain it & fewer examples of it to help you conceptualize that "it's love" is even a possibility. Stede has never loved anyone romantically before, so he has no point of reference for what it feels like. Presumably, until becoming a pirate he hasn't seen examples of queer romance, so he has no script for what that looks like to refer to either. Basically, until the "what does it feel like to be in love" scene, Stede has no context to help him understand ANYTHING he has gone through emotionally since meeting Ed.

It's also significant that Mary is the one who describes love to Stede. Not only because of the closure the scene brings to the narrative by absolving Stede's guilt over leaving her, but because her relationship with Doug is hetero. It's permissible, it's familiar, it's instantly recognizable. She never says "I'm in love with Doug", Stede just knows. When she describes what love feels like, she's describing the internal experience of something that Stede has witnessed throughout his life but never been able to empathize with. And in that moment it clicks for him -- he DOES empathize with what Mary is saying. That is EXACTLY how he feels about Ed. (Because despite stereotypes, it's not like people on the spectrum are incapable of empathy, it's just that it can be harder to achieve because it's harder to interpret/extrapolate other people's emotions)

All of a sudden everything just makes sense. He's seen love but never known what it felt like, he's felt love but not recognized it. But hearing Mary describe it finally helps him put those two things together. He is in love with Ed. All those things people do for love in books that he could never quite understand? He gets it now, he can see himself doing those things because he is in love with Ed. The excitement and fear and confusion and intensity that has overwhelmed him these past weeks? That was LOVE. FOR ED. mother. fucking. EUREKA!

and and and AND in a meta sense, the epiphany Stede has kind of mirrors the audience's reaction to the scene. All those little moments he's flashing back to? Those were signs. That he was falling in love with Ed. Of course that's what they were, because we KNOW what romantic love looks like. We know how writers and directors and actors depict it on screen. and it is (or at least can be) no different between two men than it would be between a man and a woman.

This moment even more than the kiss to me was vindication for all the queerbaiting I believed could be queer representation. for johnlock and destiel and everything else. I wasn't crazy for thinking this line or that moment could be meant to signal romantic love. Queer romance that is just as layered and angsty and joyful and central to the plot as straight romance can exist on TV. Queer stories that aren't just about the characters' queerness but don't ignore it either CAN get made. We will put neurodivergent, queer people of color on TV.

And that's how this show increased my faith in humanity and revived my passion for my chosen career. Thank u for coming to my ted talk.

TLDR; Stede couldn't recognize what love looked or felt like until Mary spelled it out for him, and the way the writing links this inextricably to the trauma of growing up queer and neurodivergent in an unaccepting world makes me want to cry

a disclaimer for all my autistic stede posts: i am not autistic, i am a very Social Anxiety & Depression ADHDer. if you are autistic pls lmk your thoughts and/or if something i've said is insensitive or just Not Right

[lady-of-endless]

hiii! hope you’re doing well!! i was wondering if i could get a match up? preferably w a guy pls

appearance wise: i’m 5’7, so taller for a girl, a little chubby, super pale, i have big freckles all over my face and shoulders, i also have dark circles (that paired with pale skin makes me look a little dead), kind of droopy hazel eyes, black hair, i have both nostrils pierced plus a few different ear piercings, some tattoos, a lot of scars (from surgeries and different things), and i really love alternative fashion so i tend to wear mostly black, but i’m still pretty hyperfeminine when it comes to clothes and makeup and stuff.

other stuff abt me: i’m pretty shy until i get to know someone, i have really bad social anxiety, but then i’m usually pretty goofy. i love making ppl laugh it’s my favorite. i have the sense of humor of a 16 year old boy though (i think fart jokes are so funny). i tend to anger quickly and am generally kind of angsty. i really love horror in any kind of form, but especially movies. i also really love vampires. i’m neurodivergent x3 lol. been through a lot of trauma. i also really love making art and seeing other people’s art. i really love music, specifically alternative rock. i’m kind of a stoner. i’m also a nerd, i like collecting things (coins, antiques, figurines, comic books and manga). i love all animals but especially cats and bats. i’m a crybaby. i tend to show love by teasing ppl but i love being sweet too. i thinks that’s it???

sorry if that’s all over the place! and thank you for doing this <3 i appreciate it so much!

Author's Note: Thank you for your request, dear! You seem so cool omg 😍 Hope you'll enjoy it!

I ship you with...Eustass Kid!

(lovely gif is not mine, please show appreciation to the OP)

- I feel like you two will bond over your sense of humor. You'll get bonus points from him if you joke about Law with him.

- Your relationship will probably go from allies to friends and then lovers. Going from allies to friends will take a lot for him as he's used to trusting only a few people. But the last two stages are extremely close because once he considers you a close friend, he will feel more comfortable around you and understood. And so, he will realize that he feels something more for you.

- Look, I'm going to say it, Kid might check you out on multiple occasions because he thinks you're so neat with the tattoos and piercings and overall aesthetic. Plus, the hyperfeminine vibe is a contrast to his liking.

- The fact that you're a bit shy at times and because you have social anxiety, he will be both your lover and your guard in the sense that he'll absolutely wreck anyone who might put you in a nasty situation. No one messes with you without consequences.

- Kid noticed some hints about your traumas and wants to help. However, he's so damn frustrated that he does not know how. He won't tell you anything, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. He's just going to let you know that he will always be there for you if you decide to share your past with him. He has been through a lot as well so he knows how that burden feels.

- Please, playfully tease him for enjoying your sweet kind of affection. You'll get to see such a pretty blush on this man's face.

- You both tend to anger quickly and because of this you can either calm one another down or make a sum out of that anger. He won't get angry at you, knowing about your anxious tendency. However, if you ever decide to put yourself in danger, that's when he'll get angry with you.

- I feel like Kid will not admit that he also collects things and that won't stop him from teasing you about it, playfully of course. Jokes aside, I can see him getting really curious about what you're collecting.

-He also enjoys alternative rock from time to time. The moment he enjoys it the most is when he's fixing something in his workshop and your favorite tunes are playing and he can also hear you humming that song.

- Talking about stuff to do in his workshop, he'll love it to have you close by making art as he, again, is fixing something.

- Horror movies? Count him in. He would propose a marathon with you and his whole crew.

[gladiatorcunt]

"#if autism doesnt show in the way people want it too then suddenly youre a freak to them again Imao"

EXACTLY!!! people think they're so accepting of nd ppl and then they're not perfectly neurodivergent and they freak the fuck out

YES like even with the concept of ‘perfect victims’ or how mental disorders like depression & anxiety are only tolerated if you’re cute about it make me go insane. Social media will have you thinking that maybe you can win/be accepted if you’re perceived in a certain kind of way but if those people knew you irl and you exhibit a negative or “weird” trait then it’s over. You can’t see gaining the often times shallow approval of followers or wtv as a substitute for real life companionship and support (that’s another conversation but anyway)

It’s painful for the people (especially kids growing up on the internet) who feel like they have to change even though it’s impossible and it just contributes to an awful treatment of nd people that honestly hasn’t changed that much. Some acceptance is like you said very performative too so sometimes the rug can get pulled out from under you. I grew up extremely sheltered (idk if thats the word) bc of bullying relating to not being “normal” and to find out that it’s most likely untreated autism (getting diagnosed is journey from hell) kind of puts this in a personal perspective for me.

Anyway not that there aren’t ANY neurotypical people who wouldn’t love/want a ND partner/friend! But some of them online are lying lmao

[thedisablednaturalist]

so sorry ppl that cant read are sending you messages about those posts but i get it completely. rheumatologists and osteos and NP's want to hear more abt my decade old severe anxiety and depression and adhd and ~more~ diagnoses than chronic debilitating pain and just slap vitamin D pills on it and throw up their hands because "test results are weird idk what to tell u even tho i said it was this two weeks ago". abled friends and coworkers can have conversations about their mental health struggles but its looked at self pityingly if i bring up how my life is irreparably damaged by my physical disability because disabled people have to be strong and resilient to earn a place in their field and if you cant cut it just get on those snazzy disability benefits and let it get worse. i think a lot of abled ND people just cant accept that they do not experience the worst of life's struggles and that solidarity doesnt make us the same

I try to be understanding and answer peoples questions politely when I have the spoons and if they are genuinely confused bc I used to be ignorant as well about a lot of aspects of physical disability but it gets so tiring. Nowadays there are a ton of resources from physically disabled people talking about their experiences its actually quite easy to educate yourself on our struggles. Like sorry I get a little frustrated and rude when I'm constantly bombarded by ableism and rude ass people.

Also yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say. Doctors can usually relate to people having mental health struggles and even some aspects of neurodivergencey. But they cannot understand someone looking completely fine and not being able to detect anything but complaining of horrible pain and constant tiredness outside of the lense of mental health. And if your mental health is managed or only suffering because you are in constant pain, they say you're faking, or OBVIOUSLY you just need to lose weight, or drink more water, or exercise more than any able bodied person does. People take one look at me and think the solution is obvious and I'm just too stupid or lazy to figure it out.

And me saying this isn't saying that mental illness is super easy to deal with. Its fucking awful as well and many doctors say this shit to neurodivergents as well. And this is especially true for poc and people with psychosis or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

I went to my first therapist in my sophomore year of highschool and got medicated that same year. I started investigating my health issues in college freshman year and have JUST gotten actual results from treatment. SIX fucking years later. SIX fucking years of CONSTANT PAIN. And I have great insurance and a great dad who just wants me to feel better (my mom is a different story). My parents are sort of upper middle class and I live in a very privileged area. Of course that means I can't afford to move out even with an ok salary, but at least there are plenty of doctors around to choose from and plenty of appointments available. I can't imagine how long it takes someone without those advantages. And even still I had to fight to be listened to, I had to listen to so much bs from doctors and had to go from doctor to doctor begging for someone to listen.

Like they really don't get how unbelievably hard it is to get care for physical disabilities, visible and invisible. If you're visibly disabled you get treated like a child and a monster and you're isolated from society. If you're invisibly disabled you get laughed at by doctors and ignored. If it's hard for you guys imagine that difficulty increased by 100%.

I try to be really visible when I'm working in a position I know has my back. I really try to educate young people and children on what my disability looks like and I hope disabled kids and kids who eventually become disabled can see me and know that their lives are valuable and they are valuable. And it is possible to find joy in your life and reasons to keep living. And employers shouldn't be able to throw away our resumes and pay us less just cause we may need a little extra help. I know what everyone thinks when they see me in my wheelchair and using my walking sticks and when I tell them I need to take a break as I'm running out of spoons. I know their first thought is what the hell am I doing here if I'm in so much pain? When people see me by myself in my wheelchair they think I must have gotten lost and separated from my abled handler. I love my job, I love what I do, and I want to be able to keep doing it. But I can't work as long as an abled person, I can't do it without accommodations. Hell abled people shouldn't be working as long as they do either. I wish to live a life where I'm free to do the work I love without killing myself and still be able to live a comfortable life. Every disabled person, working or not, deserves to live a comfortable life.

[featherfur]

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago, it took them forever to diagnose me just bc of how hard it is to pin down, and i didn't get my official diagnosis until i was 27. i've been diagnosed with autism and adhd previously in earlier years, so i was already familiar with neurodivergent communities, and it was really kind of fucked up to come back after getting my bpd diagnosis and seeing people treat it like it was something else entirely. i've had people trying to tell me that bpd doesn't count as neurodivergence because "it's a personality disorder, not a mental disorder" like the two aren't intrinsically intertwined?? also dealing with people who i had previously known for several years suddenly start holding me at arm's length because i was a "ticking time bomb" or some sort of monster who would either split and explode on them, or god forbid, start obsessing over them.

it really just sort of blew my mind just how ableist DN communities can be when it comes down to conditions that aren't just autism, adhd, depression, or anxiety.

No this is it exactly. This is why I went on that little rant on that post.

I’m autistic, I’ve always been aware of it so I was in different community groups ones labeled just generic ND communities and a lot of autistic ones.

I’m also bipolar. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 but the near minute I was and told people about it, it was like I had secretly been hiding that I was a monster the whole time. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, here to make the rest of the community look bad. I’m not allowed to talk about suffering from psychosis without the people who were just hollering about accepting ND ppl especially people with Autism and ADHD who have a hard time, suddenly turning on me and treating me like lesser.

I can’t talk about experiencing psychosis without being told I’m scaring people or I make them uncomfortable. I can’t talk about intrusive thoughts, and I mean the most disgusting vile intrusive thoughts possible, without being told that IM a bad disgusting monster. I’m barely a person to them if I tell more of myself then just what’s palatable to them.

I can’t say I’m bipolar and not hear people go ‘lol I have mood swings too’ or ‘yeah I’m ADHD emotions are just everywhere’ (that happens more then you think…). Bipolar has to be kooky giggle town mood swings that’s a joke. It’s not allowed to be mania not sleeping for days on end and being on the high end of every forsaken emotion possible, it’s not allowed to be broken moments trying to suppress every urge to claw your eyes out. It’s not allowed to be hallucinations because you can’t sleep and you’re all over the place and then you crash and can’t eat or move or think when the depression hits.

I can’t talk to people who are part of these communities without first vetting how they treat someone who isn’t part of the ‘good’ Neurodivergent folk. Because they’ll treat you like a monster, because they repeat the same ableist bullshit that’s thrown at them.

Because they want to be part of the ‘normal’ group and want to expel the ‘freaks’ as if we’re not all under that ND umbrella.

The communities are terrifyingly self-othering.

Neurodivergent has become a short form of Autism/ADHD/Depression/Anxiety. But only the ‘good’ forms. If you’re too autistic to communicate ‘properly’ (that’s sarcasm), then you’re gross and need to leave. If you’re so depressed that your teeth rot then you did it to yourself and didn’t those posts on the internet tell you how important it is to brush? If you have generalized anxiety and are terrified to leave your home then you need to do better, you’re not ND unless you have the cutesy shy anxiety.

Every “neurodivergent experience” post is very… what’s the word… separating? That’s not quite it but it’s late lmao. But every time I see those posts it feels like another gap because I, as a bipolar person, do not and probably will not ever experience those! There are somethings I do, I am autistic, and I understand the ADHD hyperactivity when I have a hypomanic episode, but most of them?

I don’t. And I can only imagine it’s more hurtful and upsetting to those who don’t have those main four but are still ND. Like those with Cerebral Palsy or OCD nor Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

As someone who has dealt with intrusive thoughts and felt scared from the way people in my own community mock it and say it’s disgusting if it’s used to describe what it actually means, I can only imagine how folk w BPD and OCD and Schizophrenia feel when those are the exact words used to be violently insulted.

The ND community is thick with ableism and hate towards anyone who isn’t palatable to the rest of the world, and they keep choosing the side of the ones who want us gone so they can be accepted instead of realizing that every ableist (and it’s culturally taught, it’s not always an intentional action) also thinks shitty of them and want you and any sign of neurodivergence eradicated.

If they didn’t then Autism Speaks wouldn’t be so damn rich and open about wanting to get rid of us. The average person wouldn’t be so vile towards ADHD people wanting medication. They wouldn’t claim if you take medication that you’re addicted and not trying, and we all know how they fucking hate addicts.

A lot of the most proud ND communities aren’t safe for anyone who isn’t the ‘good’ kind of Neurodivergent. It’s terrifying and gross, and a lot more fellow ND folk need to think about how they’re treating the rest of us.

You don’t get a pass on ableism because your card has an ND stamp on it.

[golbrocklovely]

I’m not in the snc fandom by any means and I have no plan to do so but being just a causal fan of them, I have seen the way their fans act towards them, especially Colby. It always leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

I sincerely wish these guys would start setting more boundaries with their fandom. There are sometimes where I see replies to their tweets or just looking up their users on twitter because I’m a nosy rosey sometimes and the things some of their fans say to them, especially Colby is just horrendous and down right yucky. It seems to be getting worse in my end too. The way some of their fans treat Colby likes he’s stupid, slow or like a child is just so gross. He’s a human being. It’s one thing to make a joke, but it’s another thing to treat him like he was born literally yesterday. It sometimes feels like infantalazation. Like this is a huge problem and I just wish that Colby would put his foot down about it. Hell, when everytime there’s a girl involved in his life everything goes haywire towards him. I just feel so bad for him at this point. if I had fans and they were pulling stuff like this, I wound definitely say something, and start muting/ blocking people if it started getting too much. Maybe Colby hates confrontation which I can totally understand. Maybe he hates drama as well. But if his fans keep getting away with basically being overbearing and weird, they’re never gonna treat him like a human.

I also have a hunch that he might be neurodivergent and has anxiety. I see a lot of myself through him. He does a lot of things I do. But I don’t wanna diagnose him because I personally don’t know him like that. I just hope he has a good head on his shoulders when it comes to this type of stuff. and I also just hope one day some of his fans grow up and stop treating him like he’s a dummy when he’s a very intelligent person. It drives me nuts when people do that to him. He clearly is very smart and very empathetic. A bright soul who deserves so much better. 🩷

this ended up being extremely long so... sorry about that haha

i getchu. i understand not wanting to join this fandom. tbh i only really enjoy the fandom on here and that's about it. insta there barely is a fandom, the tiktok fandom is too young and just makes shit up 90% of the time, and twitter…. is insufferable lol

and i completely agree with you about the treatment of colby. it's a weird mix of both treating him like a sex doll and treating him like a baby, which makes both behaviors all the more gross.

like i'll be honest, i don't love all the decisions he makes, and i have talked about that on here countless times. however, i don't actively tell him on social media how to live his life (aka i don't @ him on twitter when he does something that annoys me like a lot of other fans do). and at the end of the day i accept whatever he wants to do with his life. me complaining on here about some of the questionable ppl he has in his life isn't even half as bad as what i've seen on twitter, especially when it comes to some of the girls he occasionally is seen with.

over the years it's gotten worse, and i'm not sure for what reason. it feels like the fans started out on the right foot. they care about colby and don't want to see him get hurt. and i get that, i feel the same way. but at the same time, he's an adult. and in life you're gonna make some dumb decisions, and be friends with dumb ppl that you shouldn't have been. and that's your choice. and that's your mistake to make.

i think part of it is a lot of fans think they are owed a part of colby's life and having a say in it. maybe bc they've put time, effort, and money into being a fan, maybe it's bc they feel like they are friends with him and thus think they can say shit that a friend would say even tho they are a complete stranger to him. and while i can understand somewhat why someone would feel that way briefly, it doesn't change the fact it's not true. you aren't owed anything just bc you've been here a long time or bc you buy merch. so what. you aren't special in either one of those regards.

and when it comes to colby and his dating life… oh boy, that's where most of the drama lies. again, a lot of it comes from fans not wanting him to date a questionable girl. understandable. i get that protectiveness. however it has become very apparent that NO GIRL is good enough for him. fill in the blank on whatever reason, it doesn't matter. there is not a single girl that exists that everyone in the fandom can agree on. and that just shows that a lot of the concern comes from both jealousy and, if we're being completely honest, misogyny.

certain fans are jealous they will never get a chance to be with him, no matter how many y/n insert fanfics they read. and no girl is good enough bc nine times out of ten the reason is bc of something sexist like she's a slut or a gold digger or isn't pretty enough or is too pretty or isn't as good as other girls.

my favorite phrase, highkey, is when a girl is seen with colby, ppl start hating on her and then when asked why someone doesn't like her they respond with "idk she just gives me a bad vibe." lmao happens like clockwork.

all of this is to say that a lot of fans, while they love colby, don't respect him. they don't trust him to make his own decisions bc in their minds, he can't make the "right" ones. and thus needs to smothered into making the right one. and if he doesn't do that, then he deserves to be bitched at for eternity.

tbh i'm surprised colby tolerates half the fanbase at this point. if the fandom isn't yelling at him for breathing wrong, they're making fun of him. and while it's fine to be playful and banter with him, there's a difference between a one off comment and constantly picking at everything he does down to whether or not he has facial hair. like… why are we talking about his body hair? yall are weird for that one.

if i was colby, i wouldn't have fans anymore. bc i would blocking ppl left right and center. idc that you supported me for a long time, if you're mean to me, you're gone. and i ain't gonna listen to (usually) a child yell at me for fucking a random girl (or maybe not even fucking a random girl). that's why last year i wanted him to go chaos mode. i wanted him to fuck every and any girl that said yes strictly so fans would come to the realization that YOU DON'T CONTROL HIM.

get over it or gtfo. it's really that simple.

and as for whether or not he's neurodivergent, that's obviously something he would have to explore himself. i personally have always thought he might secretly have depression and definitely anxiety since he's talked about that part himself. there's a lot of things he has done in the past that make me think there might be something under the surface and reminds me a lot back when i was in denial of what was going on mentally. and there are times he gets into funks, and you can just see the light drain out of him for a bit. but in the end, that's for him to explore and seek help for if he so chooses and feels the need to. i would hope if he truly did ever feel bad he would ask for help.

he's a very strong person and has such a love for life. i just hope he lives it to the fullest. i truly just want to see him happy.

[jyndor]

Y'ever wonder if ppl misunderstand Eadu due to lack of life experience? Like, at some point, we have a heated argument w/ someone we care about and we lash out, and realize it's b/c the caring makes it hurt /worse/ (plus, we ain't perfect). But when you haven't been there yet, it's easy to think it's the other way around: that you're less likely to lash out at someone you care about. Also easier to think you'll never say hurtful things when upset, you'll always be calm and rational about it.

thats a really good question anon damn i need a minute to think about it

okay so. I've smoked a little weed and I've thought about it a bit. I don't know how big an impact that is because I'm not sure who hasn't ever experienced an argument with someone they love. people get nasty and mean sometimes. it takes a lot of work to become self aware to notice patterns and better at handling anger/hurt/etc. especially if you're dealing with mental illness or like neurodivergence, or trauma or idk just some other compounding factor that can make you more likely to develop problematic~ ways of dealing with shit.

I was a very difficult kid sometimes - undiagnosed adhd and severe anxiety had me not handling shit well. I'd bottle things up and avoid and honestly just try to appease and ignore until I'd naturally hit my limit and go off like a wildfire, it was really horrible for me and my family, who I loved dearly but who didn't know how to handle me or accommodate my issues (and they did try, they aren't perfect but they did try to help). I was hitting my literal limit on "good behavior" as a kid every day in school and I'd get into my mom's car and just be a LOT.

so of course my mother who I have a really complicated relationship with - we are best friends but we also have a lot of deep resentments and pain between us, not all of it any of our faults frankly. it's complicated. but I couldn't deal and so I'd lash out viciously to her.

it should be kind of obvious that we feel most comfortable around the people closest to us. I think about how on edge and hypervigilant I am at the airport, but the minute I get on the plane I fall asleep. It's like, I'm finally comfortable enough to rest. but in the case of someone who can't always react well, it isn't until you're around someone who you feel safe around that you sometimes are the most reactive to.

so I relate a lot to both jyn and cassian in part because I feel like I have had to work on (and continue to work on) a lot of the ways they react to each other, specifically in that scene, or how jyn in particular needles people like cassian and saw.

when you learn how to work on your reactions to people, you learn how to be more present and rational and think through what you are feeling. but that takes life experience for most people - and a lot of people don't ever work on it at all.

so... IDK maybe rogue one is for the neurodivergents and the mental illness girlies?

[candiid-caniine]

Hi, I wanted to response to the other anon wo asked about PCD. It was a huge reason for me to get into denial as well. While I also find it hot as part of submission it isnt one of my main kinks. It helped me a lot and is the reason I have a very fullfilling sex life nowadays. Although it is sometimes an awkward conversation to have with casual non kinky hookups :D

oh wow it's so awesome to hear that other ppl are benefiting from denial in ways I've never even considered before!! 💕

I'm so glad it's worked for you. I think everyone should feel their sexiest and most fulfilled self in the bedroom and speaking as someone with health issues that most people aren't familiar with, it just warms my heart to hear of other ppl hacking their sex lives around atypical bodies too.

I've been wanting to do some fun writing on kink and disability/neurodivergence soon and hearing from others like yourself and the previous anon makes me feel solidarity! if anyone else would like to chime in on whether denial is beneficial to you based on pcd or other irl struggles, I'm sure I and other readers would love to hear it! 💕

especially if you have some tips for those in a similar spot of how you have these conversations w hookups? in an ideal world it would be pretty straightforward but unfortunately those kinds of conversations can be anxiety inducing due to how some potential partners receive them :/

(in future I'll try and leave asks like this w minimal comment if you guys prefer, I don't want to take away from the experiences of those w more familiarity than me ☺)

[godsprettiestprincess]

6, 10, & 14?

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

……eh. I came out as pan (& later ace) at around 11/12 and there was never any threat of negative backlash no matter my age so objectively the timing was fine and good, but given both of those are already seen as kind of cringy and childish, looking back (and making up stuff about what ppl thought of me lol) I do kind of wish I’d waited, for private self actualization and “being able to articulate myself better” reasons if nothing else

10. (Answered!!)

25. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

Ohhh boy lmao my family is the most non-asexual asexual group of people I’ve ever seen. My mom especially is so straightforward and practical that I’m like 75% sure the reason she was 🤨 at first is because she had the classic ace “but that’s how everyone feels” (repression win!). Plus her dad has been supportive since she was a kid, and she works in public health (specifically with making PSAs and such, including pr for PREP & PEP for a good chunk of my childhood) which means there’s been condoms & dick shaped stress balls & comics about gay guys having safe sex & pictures of drag queens floating around my house basically forever.

(My dad mostly gave me my anxiety which is what drew me to online spaces where I discovered the labels I use now LOL — arguably bigger impact but less traceable)

[qweei]

mental illness isn't cute nor a fun quirk to have, and i'm saying that as someone who's mentally ill and is neurodivergent.

ofc i believe we shouldn't demonize mental illness and i know this idea of mental illness being cute only really applies to some disorders like depression, anxiety ocd etc. personality disorders get demonized to high hell and should be destigmatized but i personally don't have experience with that so i can't speak on that.

but i can talk about the disorders i do have and how hearing discussions around mental illness can really frustrate me. like there's two sides to this a) who see mental disorders that includes disabilities as something scary, shameful and should be hidden and type b) usually teenagers and young adults who bcs of the influx of representation and discussions around mental health know a lot more yet seem to get it in their mind that to be interesting you have to have some diagnosis? "omg i'm so ocd rn" "i can't focus i must have adhd"

as someone who went through type A for years when i transferred schools and was surrounded by type b people i believed it was a good thing like waaay better than before, same with the content i found on social media that were way more positive bcs to me that meant that i was no longer demonized or pushed aside which is great! but honestly it isn't as much of an improvement as i first thought.

though i will say before someone misunderstands me: i am not at all against learning about different mental disorders and self diagnosing. i definitely think our knowledge on mental health is improving due to more representation or people being more open, but i still want to acknowledge the side of people who misuse the new found attention and support use and do harm to the community, whether intentionally or not.

it's just that some type b people can sometimes be as harmful as type A from my experience. at that school i was constantly surrounded by these ppl and every single time someone talked about mental illness it was always in such a romanticized way, it became a funny adjective, every serious disorder was simply just a cute quirk?? i once overheard a real life conversation where ppl where assigning each other mental disorders the same way you talk about zodiac signs!? also certain people straight up trauma dumping to be funny without any prior warning or anything, i often got so uncomfortable i had to leave the room multiple times. something even more horrifying i was told was by my roommate who told me her autistic sister with tics who went to a different school, people in her school started to copy her tics to the point it became a trend in the entire school.

i've realized this problem especially when i'm with neurotypical ppl my age where every time i mention or its brought up that i'm neurodivergent, they always get the feeling that they need to match up with me??? if that makes sense. listen icantbelieveimsayingthis BUT there's nothing wrong with being neurotypical, not being mentally ill or having trauma... that doesn't make you boring or less interesting and honestly thinking it does really is a slap in the face of people who are neurodivergent and or mentally ill.

i'm so tired of discussions around mental health being so black and white all the time like either I'm treated like a abomination or I get infantilized/romanticized. it really fucking sucks

[repbeyondthedefaults]

I come from a world where words I love today used to be a threat to the way I existed. I'm so glad I've found the words and continue to find the words. Words help me understand myself and the world around me.

you know what?

People want words to describe their experiences.

People deserve words to describe their experiences.

Finding those words is a relief. A blessing. Finally, your experience makes sense. You have a new way to understand yourself, and maybe even a new way for others to understand you.

I hope you find the right words today.

[johannestevans]

hhhh I'm just

i love izzy to death obviously but it's driving me a little mental about how people refuse to acknowledge his harms even when writing from Ed's pov and I'm just like. really

like thinking about mental illness and neurodivergence in the text and how to be izzy reads as very autistic + anxiety whereas ed comes off as very ADHD and BPD

and people are perfectly willing to accept that Ed has ADHD when it means that Ed is stupid or needs to be managed, and even besides the stigma against personality disorders in general, absolutely refuse to acknowledge that Ed's erratic moods, constant spirals between depressions and obsessions, violent lashing out, difficulty to commit or make decisions etc... might also be symptoms

and it's so blatantly fucking racist

like people do it already with white men's autism all the time, where it's like a get out of jail free card to be a rigid asshole, and the implication being that white autistic men are super duper special boys who just don't KNOW they're bigoted, or are incapable of learning not to be bigoted because they're frightened of change and difference

its the self-infantilisation argument that's inherent to a lot of white "ignorance" but it's turned up to 11, bonus points if the label used is "aspergers" to really hammer home the eugenics

meanwhile literally everything ed does is used as a cudgel against him? acting like Ed is manipulative BY being depressed or BY being suicidal, but also like

his up and down moods are not a nebulous "crazy" to blame and attack him for - he's a heavily traumatised, unbelievably lonely and isolated, indigenous man navigating an extremely racist world in a position of command constantly threatened by violence, esp of white imperialism, but specifically by individual white ppl holding up or echoing that power structure

like? are you really surprised he's erratic? are you really surprised he constantly mimics other people's personalities and gives them whatever they seem to want from him? are you surprised he does performance after performance and is very careful about showing his "real" self?

like i think about when lucius snaps at Ed and is like "most people aren't cool like you are" when like, Lucius has seen Ed be vulnerable several times, but also when Ed is doing that routine it's ultimately him worrying about his reputation which is. directly a worry about his own safety and survival

and when Lucius says that it's a mini revelation because like... oh, he doesn't HAVE to be cool here? he can relax? he can enjoy it?

(but also... can he really? who else is watching? where are the cracks in this fuckery? what's will happen to him if he lets his guard down too long?)

like I'm screaming bc ed constantly and continuously faces rejection, because he comes off as very ND, because people find him "intense" and "intimidating" and "hard to read" and "distant" and all of that is multiplied a thousand fold by the specific ways in which people racialise him, associating him with violence, lacking capacity for pain and especially emotional pain, and putting his "craziness" down as like, the uninhibited "savagery" in him or whatever

like, bro!

and especially to then paint all of that and the ways he holds his position as unthinkably abusive when izzy's abuse is JUST from a victim's POV, but also then specifically within their interactions to act like Ed is victimising Izzy and there's not, you know? some mutual mental illness things going on, sure, but also its a racially charged relationship between a brown man and his violently white lieutenant?

like. i just don't see how that can interest you when all of that is part of the POINT of the SHOW