#i know my soul is garbage but take it you fucker

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 52 - Only I Will Remain

(I'm not very good at remembering to cross post here from AO3, oops).

Y'all need to talk. And what smells like goblin piss?

On AO3.

You don’t say nothing. Fucker slinks into the light like he didn’t just dump your ass this fucking morning for not spreading your legs. He walks on in like y’all are within one hundred miles of banter territory.

“Nice to see you still alive and kicking,” he says. Waits, like he’s going to get any kinda answer more’n “why are you here” or “fuck off.”

He seems to pick up on that when you sit there and stare. Silently. He drops the saunter and folds down into…what looks an awful lot like a “dog who knows he fucked up” sort of hunch.

“I…I came to apologize for my behavior last night,” he says. “It was rather…beastly.”

You…he…you wanted this conversation. When you saw him again. You’d hoped y’all could hash this out like adults, maybe find what went wrong and, you know, fix it.

“You’ve seemed upset today,” he continues. “And I can see why. I made…assumptions.”

Your throat is not squeezing shut. You don’t get apologies all that often. Because you are usually the problem. Ryan Meadows thought you were such a problem he never even gave you a chance to apologize or explain. He cut off a decades-long friendship with Sasha to ditch you.

You start to open your mouth. Tell him it’s okay. But you pause to swallow and try to make sure your voice don’t come out all strangled or pathetic.

And Astarion says, “But if you let me know what you prefer, we could try again? I’m quite open to most things, darling.”

Your teeth snap shut. He smiles at you. Bedroom eyes creep back into his expression.

He’s…what?

He takes your silence as some kinda invitation and sidles closer. Pitches his voice lower, “When you’re ready, of course.”

He thinks…you didn’t like the way he touched you? And that’s why you been avoiding him? Why you spent the night crying until you couldn’t breathe? Why you went into this soul thing vaguely hoping it wouldn’t work?

Because you didn’t like his fucking foreplay technique?

“You don’t got any idea why I’m upset, do you?” you manage.

He blinks. His face moves in like, three different emotional directions before landing on polite interest. “I beg your pardon?”

He still wants to fuck you. Still sees you primarily as a potential fuck buddy. You pressed yourself into it. Chickened out and got treated like garbage, but now he, what? Wants to shoot his shot again?

Is this negging? Is this what negging is?

You thought…you don’t even know. He was fun? Kinda charming, in a fucked up gallows humor way. He was someone you could relate to in a way a lot of people aren’t.

But he don’t see you the same way at all. Maybe it’s the whole vampire thing—predators who lure victims in—or maybe that’s just who he is. You are something for him to eat. To use. Man don’t mean a single thing he’s said to you, does he? Apology included. He’s after blood and sex, and he’ll offer any kinda sweet apology to get it.

You recognize it. What it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like. You got good at that when you were younger.

It’s like colored lenses falling off your eyes; you see him in a whole new light.

“I think,” you say. Take another calming breath (it don’t work). “I think you and I have a very different idea of…”

This ain’t a relationship. And…well. He ain’t actually your friend, is he? At least not from his perspective. He, he may never have been. You read it wrong (again). Thought you were making a connection with someone you could maybe, just maybe trust (again).

And you were wrong.

Again.

You look at him. Pasty weirdo. Charming dork. A vampire that ripped open a woman’s throat and drank her dead. He looks at you, all smiles and expectation.

“I think,” you try again, “that you and I should put some distance between us.”

You watch that hit him. Watch his face shutter tight.

“I still think we should all stick together, though,” you add. “You don’t got to; you’re a free man. But I think we’ll be safer sticking together.”

He even moves different. Gone is the fluidity of his shoulders, his lazy head motions. He’s crisp and precise when he backs off. “So, no pitchforks and torches to chase me out, then?”

“We ain’t never gonna chase you out. You can stay as long as you want, Astarion.”

“Ah. Ever the generous one, aren’t you.”

He really can’t help but make that sound like a bad thing. Especially with that edge creeping into his voice.

“I just don’t want any of us to die, alright? Is that suitable for you?” you say.

He tilts his head, every mean girl, passive aggressive smile-to-hide-thoughts-of-harming-you. “But of course. I always appreciate someone sensible. There’s safety in numbers, darling.”

Somehow, though his tone don’t change from his usual, that last word manages to come out bladed.

He’ll stay part of the group. And…and he’ll still need blood. You ain’t never gonna use hunger against nobody (dirt and raspberry jam). You ain’t never gonna stand by and watch somebody starve (lemon soap and bowels). Even if that person is a grade-A jackass.

“I,” you start. Force the rest out. “I’ll talk to Shadowheart, see if I can, you know, bleed into a cup or something for you.”

Something nameless flashes behind his eyes. It looks a lot like anger.

“I will have to decline, I’m afraid,” he says. Spreads a hand over his chest. “I’m touched by your nobility, truly, but I do believe that if we’re to be ‘putting distance’ between ourselves, I’ll be finding my meals elsewhere. Unless you have an objection? Want to spare the lives of goblins and mercenaries you were going to blow up anyway?”

Heat rises in your face. Part rejection, weirdly, and part shame.

“I have no objection,” you say.

“Well. I guess that settles it.” He stands, dusts himself off. There’s something wrong with his sleeve. It’s slashed open. Y’all haven’t been in a fight recently, so where…? “I’ll see you around camp, then.”

You can only nod and watch him walk off towards his tent. Catch Wyll giving you a sympathetic wince and Karlach studiously keeping her head down. Because ain’t no secrets in a camp full of fucking magic people and magic fucking hearing.

It needed to be done. For you, and for the group. It was best to handle it before it got messy. Cut that connection before it could tie you down too much. That’s the safe way.

Even if it hurts.

***

Y’all walk for days. Up into foothills, until the sea y’all crashed near is a distant, glimmering band through the trees. Birds chirp and a crow caws, but it’s quieter than it should be.

Y’all head inland, following a stream. You pass more abandoned luggage, broken down or overturned wagons. All signs of bad shit happening.

The bad shit makes itself known when you come up on a broken bridge and the rank stench of carrion wafts over you.

Astarion has been keeping to the back of the group. The last day, he’s fallen quieter than usual (the others don’t seem to have the patience for his chatter, aside from Wyll, who seems to be needling him) (you glanced back and the man stood straighter and winced).

You’re pretty sure it’s either late spring, or early summer. Cool at night, and the further up you go, the cooler the occasional breeze is. But there’s a hint of muggy in the air, and it don’t do any good for the bodies waiting for y’all.

What the fuck is up with this place and bodies left out to rot?

“You know,” you say to no one in particular. “I read one historian who said the surest sign of an empire in decline is an inability to keep the dead outta the streets.”

It was a funny book about historical plagues (you went down a long and winding rabbit hole of historical plague nonfiction for a while; something about reading up on people who got it way worse than you made your shit seem manageable).

“That’s an interesting theory,” Gale says. His hands twitch; if y’all weren’t trying to hike past what’s got to be five dead people and make it to the walls of a village up ahead, you know he’d be taking notes. “Unfortunately, we’re in a bit of no-man’s land, as it were. I can assure you, the streets of Waterdeep are clean enough you can actually walk down them.”

It takes you a minute to mentally amend the, “And not have to clamber on top raised sidewalks to avoid a slurry of horse and human shit.”

“Hey, Blade, you’re from Baldur’s Gate, yeah?” Karlach says. “I ain’t been back there in a while; how’re the streets now?”

Wyll hesitates. He’s wearing that chagrined expression you’re starting to recognize. The one where he wants to say something all upstanding, yet know he can’t.

“They were decent enough last I saw them. Though my information might be slightly out of date.”

Astarion is from the Gate (as you’re noticed some of them call it). He’d know. But while you’ll toss him a “good morning” or “pardon me,” y’all ain’t really on chatting terms. Nothing more than polite courtesies.

But that means you walk in silence more’n not. You don’t got nobody else to bounce your less than savory ideas off of (not that you needed to the last few days). But y’all had started joking. And it ain’t the same as talking history with Gale, listening to Karlach’s greatest bar fights (though that is fun), or Wyll spinning tales about some of his own shenanigans.

You think about breaching that wall of silence. Just a pinprick. Ain’t no harm in asking a question?

Except that pinprick opens you up to a vacuum, and that vacuum will try to suck you and everything else into it.

No. It sucks, and it’s awkward, but this is for the best. The goblins can’t be far, now. Y’all can get in (somehow), find the druid (you’ll work on that once you get the layout), and he can pull them brainworms outta you (the fuck happens after).

You…got no idea what happens after.

The metal flask with your soul in is sits between your tits, tied to a cord looped over your neck and secured against you by the stays. Good thing about being heavier is you got enough squishable flesh to sort of pack in there without anybody noticing.

But after all this…if you find somebody to latch onto—Gale, maybe Wyll—you’ll have a whole lifetime of guarding that fucking thing. Always. Forever.

You can’t let your thoughts start down that particular shit chute. You focus on that village.

Which, as y’all get closer, is eerily quiet. It’s cool enough you’d except a tinge of woodsmoke—people need fire to cook here, after all. But there’s nothing. No voices, no kids shrieking and laughing, no dogs or horses or hammers or nothing. As y’all reach the gates—busted open and hanging from one hinge—y’all look up a narrow main street that disappears up a hill and, presumably, ends in a town square. Two-story houses line each side of the street. All quiet. All rotten; ruins sagging on their frames, one of them overgrown in ivy, the other with the windowsills lying in disintegrating piles beneath the warped windows.

“Uh,” you say.

Right as Astarion wrinkles his nose. “Does anyone else smell goblin piss?”

Which is apparently some kinda bat signal for said goblins to pop outta the ruins. All of them armed. All of them snarling at y’all.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[someexistite]

Autistic Rant about a sign

Oh hey, it's you again! Wait, you're not ____? Well... shit. Anyways, I went to the antique mall the other day and found this thing that set off my autism.

This is not a sign. This is a travesty. We do NOT make signs like this. It is INCORRECT. Do NOT do this. This is why we can't have nice things.

There are so many god damn things wrong with this sign.

For starters, here's what the sign looks like in its natural habitat.

It's tiny. It is microscopic. From what I remember, it was sized somewhere between a standard license plate and a motorcycle license plate. In other words, very small. According to the Standard Highway Signs (SHS) manual, Sign lettering should be no less than 3 inches tall. Given that a standard license plate is only 6 inches tall and this sign is smaller and has a massive white rectangle in the middle, I feel safe in saying that the text size is too small.

Speaking of the massive white rectangle, why the hell is it there? It serves NO purpose. The sign would've been just as garbage without it, you don't need to separate those two lines of text, especially since you didn't bother putting a white outline around the sign, and you definitely don't need an oversized hyphen in there, so why is it there? It's just a waste of space.

Come to think of it, why isn't there a white border on the sign? Was there really a reason for this sign being so small? Also, why is the text white? It's on an orange background, shouldn't the text and all that be black.

(pause)

WHY THE FUCK IS THE SIGN ORANGE??? What the hell did you gain from that? Those fuckers down at not Kleem Inc so why the hell should I care who made the sign Incorporated LLC know DAMN well orange is for construction signs and construction signs ONLY. You couldn't go with a white sign? There's plenty of similar signs in white! Or at least a blue one? The blue has local precedent as an "END [administrative division] MAINTENANCE" sign!

I'm surprised they used the correct abbreviation for "maintenance." At this rate, I'd expect it to be shortened to "MAINTE" or some garbage.

In summary, this sign sucks and it should've never been made. It's microscopic, the wrong colors in every way, poorly designed, and rage-inducing. I would be happy it's no longer in use, but it means some poor soul is gonna take this sign home, not knowing the sins it has committed. It's also twenty fucking dollars, like, really? There were full-size stop signs for the same price at that booth! Why would I choose Pain and Suffering: The Sign over a stop sign? There were so many other, much more substantial signs at that booth for less.

If you notice that I keep changing who I'm referring to between "them" and "you", please stop noticing it.

kk bye thanks for coming to my autism talk

[iliiuan]

Babylon 5 S1E10 Believers

Every Alien of the Week ™️ looks like a Cardassian on this show.

"In my culture, sharing my feelings with a stranger would bring great shame, but since you're not from my culture..."

I hate this debate. Fucking antimedicine religious freaks. You are not chosen. Your child is not special. Your child suffering is unnecessary. Cutting him for surgery does not make him a food animal. Your moral base is garbage and I hate you for it.

Ivonova. You do not knit.

Hoo hoo hoo, doc is taking no prisoners with his colleague.

Aw, doc gave the kid a placebo task. That's so sweet.

Lady doc doesn't believe in providing emotional support to patients.

The legal realities of medical ethics. Delicious.

Ooh, Ivonova gets to play with the toys this week. Finally Sinclair is letting someone else do the exciting work.

If you cut him, he loses his soul. Wait, are they going to murder their child to prevent his spiritual death?

Oh. They're going to the commander. My bad.

I really don't understand how there's not a laproscopic procedure for this disease.

Ha! G'Kar isn't interested. You forgot to make it benefit him. Rookie mistake.

Londo's pretending to be sympathetic is hilarious.

Kosh doesn't even pretend sympathy 🤣 "The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote." Someone's butthurt about getting medical treatment, I see.

"You're refusing because of your beliefs?" Lady, that's what this whole fiasco is about, isn't it? You are the one refusing because of your beliefs. Delenn is simply not getting involved. "Whose belief is correct, and how do we prove it?"

Earth Central won't even get involved. That's rich.

Wait, why you comparing yourself to Pontius Pilot? Dude chose to release the nastiest criminal instead of the political target. That's decidedly not what you're doing.

I like this kid. He sees through the doc's placebo egg.

I guess the kid can share sacred knowledge with the commander?

How very American of you, Doc. I believe, however, that you have misinterpreted the first amendment.

Ooh, doc. Are you operating without consent? Dangerous.

You really thought lady doc wouldn't have your back?

Ivonova is also disobeying orders, I see.

Oh shit Ivonova. You poked the hornet's nest, didn't you?

Who's going to raise this poor child now, doc?

Uh oh. What happened lady doc?

The parents are oddly... placid. What are they up to? Yeah. That was ominous.

Fucking psycho parents. I hate you fuckers. "He's just a shell." No, he's not. He's your child, and you killed him.

Ivonova got to be the minor hero at least I guess.

Oh, Franklin. Now you know what it's like to work with zealots. You needed to protect the poor child from them. As soon as they called him a devil and pulled knives, you should have known.

[megamangxtheadventure]

CHAPTER 27: FUTURE GENSOKYO

lord goat obsarved the scene as the taliban and nazis where roundering up the human village "take them for reeducation we must cure them of woke and make them think only freedom thoughts" said shadiversity as he sat on his armor horse with knight armoer "we will go back to the glouous middle ages where socity was good and normal" he said thinking about becoming new king like olden days

a man held his sick human wife "please my wife she is sick go easy on us" said the man but shadiverstys second in command MR BABYFACE got real mad and bursted a blood vassel in his head "DID YOU SAY FUCKING PRONONS YOU FUCKER YOU WILL DIE HOW DARE YOU SAY THE PRONONS AHAHGAHAHAHHA!" he screamed and ripped the mans head off as blood and guts was everything and his wife screamed real bad and gfainted

Lord got gotted his xenon men in car robots called gyrozetters "i will have xenon take over the youkai maountion they can not stop our gyrozetter robots" he laughed but then sh adow jumped down and fired chaos spear "you fool working with nazis and the talban they will ensalve this world this is not progress its misery for the sake of it you utter foolish fool!" said shadow pointing at lord goat

shadow fighted them but it was no good as the gyrozetters beat him up "i have a way to deal with you MORBUS ENGINE B EAM!" said the eraser queen who had soul eraser mind control vr set on and the beam blastered shadow sending ihim into the time vortex.

THE FUTURE OF DARKNESS

shadow woke up in gensokyo but it was grim and ruin as all the woman and youkai where now slaves under the nazi taliban government "what has happen is this future" said shadow with ask

as he went into town the woman where in handmaider tale outfits and shadow saw reimu but older "come along wife of doomcock" said a guard and he whipped reimu

going into town shadow was then covered in solder guards "you are not a religion you are not conforming you are a rebel!" pointed a man and they takened guns out

"just greaT" shadow said and started to fight them with cool moves "CHAOS KICK!"

before bad guys could reinment the rebels had come and opened fire "shadow we need to get out of here we knowed you where coming due to the tablets of time" said the lead as they runned away.

at a cave the leader took her hood off and it was an older mariasa krismas "its you the witch girl " shadow said.

"i was once called wife of Desantis" she looked at the floor "you see after you vanished they bringed osama bin ledin back to life then bill cihiper used an anti magic field generator to kill all magic so when they had armys of nazis and taliban with guns we gotted over runned and the woman became slaves" marisa shed

"but what happen to megamangx and the others??" shadow said.

"they summoned an army of sonix.exes they destoryed the outside world so the illuminati had to colonizie gensokyo as the only safe place becuse of there hurbis and now everything is lost and depressingly horrible" marisa said.

a door opened and it was standing there it was a bearded jon arbunkle and HAT KID "Jon its you!" shadow sad with happy "ive been fighting a while but this kid here they wanted to meet shadow this is hat kid they have helped us a long time" said jon

"i am from another time and place i have come to fixing the timeline shadow you where meant to help megamangx stop the bad future and gorefield you need to go back and stop gensokyos fall it is the key" said hat kid and she took shadow into a garbage

THERE WAS A FIREBIRD CAR THERE WITH COOL CONTROLS "this is the chaos firebird gyroketter is has an omega sigma morbus engine and can send you back to the past you must stop the illuminati from rebuliding osama bin ladin and help megamangx get his mage forms" hat kid said

there was explosions As a group of russianb nationalists lead by pizza boy was there "you sure want to mess up our good future can't let you do that get em boys" said pizza boy as the russians shooted ak47s at hat kid as she took over a 100 bullets "ah get into the time car hurry" she died

"NOOO!" said shadow as he jumpe dinto the firebird and escaped driving into town as he runned over doomcock and over 20 bad guy guards "i need to turn out the time controls" shadow inputted the date and entered the time vortext

BACK IN PRESENT SDAYT

the firebird appeared and turned into robot and punched the xenon gyroketters real hard "I'M BACK BITCHS" SAID SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG and lord goat was scared "IMBOSSBLE I SENT YOU TO THE BAD FUTURE" he said "AND I CAME BACK!" shadow said and his gyro robot kicked him in the face

it was THEN MEGAMANGX ZANE YUKARI REIMU PATCHOLOI REMILIA FLANDERS KOISHI AND SATORY WHERE THERE "we have the power of mages the power of mages of old and uniting we stand against you GEWT OUT OF GENSOKYO YOU FASHIST BASTARDS" megamangx said and they all fired an ultra masterspark at the gyrozetters and shadibery and the taliban blowing them up "such power NO I DO NOT WANTING TO BE DEEAFTED I WAS GOING TO BUILD KNIGHTS AND CASTLES LIKE OLDEN DAYYYYS" and he turned into atoms

"the only olden days are you" said yukari.

shadow was happy as rouge was there too "Megamangx we needing to talk i saw the future and it was bad"

to be continued

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine

Before The Downward Spiral catapulted Trent Reznor to stardom there was Pretty Hate Machine. NIN's debut brings synthpop sensibilities into the world of industrial music. Poppier and possibly more accessible than future records Pretty Hate Machine feels like Reznor's most honest work. Just some teenage angst yelled over chunky synths and drum loops. Even on his debut Reznor shows a real talent for arrangement.

Diana Ross and The Supremes - Anthology

Ok so compilations are kinda the bane of my existence for the purposes of this list. Obviously I love Diana Ross and The Supremes. From now on if you see a compilation from Motown records on here just assume my rebuttal is the Hitsville USA: The Motown Singles Collection 1959–1971 comp. That all you need, it's a perfect compilation.

Roberta Flack - First Take

Ooh what a fucking voice. So good, so beautiful. The whole album sounds like it was recorded in a smokey nightclub. It's so natural, so warm. And the dynamic range is great. Flack goes from low whisper to a pained shout with such ease and such grace that you would be forgiven for not realizing how much skill it must take. And the way she can just bang out a chord on the piano for emphasis and go back to mellow plinking. Aaaaaaa I'm inconsolable. 😭

Paul and Linda McCartney - Ram

Before becoming a banal idiot for dads to masturbate to, but after being a banal idiot for 60s teens to masturbate to Paul McCartney had an actual solo career. Most of that solo career also sucked, but his second solo outing is an unusual thing. It's a very good album. Just absolutely standing in it's own merits. Ram is free and jaunty, filled to the brim with tunes that delight. McCartney seems to have finally made the album he had always wanted to make.

The White Stripes - Elephant

Jack White is not John Lennon. I don't even know why he wants to be when The White Stripes are at their best when they are emulating 60s American garage rock, not britpop. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to acknowledge how essential Meg White was to that sound. This album is really great btw, I just can't hold back with Jack White. The dude bothers me. I promise I will do it again when one of his pithy solo outing inevitably makes this garbage list. Elephant is a fantastic minimalist approach to garage rock though. Highly recommended.

Otis Redding - Complete & Unbelievable The Otis Redding Dictionary of Soul

If Booker T. and the M.G.'s where the backbone of Stax Records then Otis Redding was pretty much the rest of the skeleton. Redding's soulful crooning dances deftly through the sounds of the greatest musicians to play in the M.G.'s lineup.

Bad Bunny - X100PRE

At first glance Bad Bunny's debut seems to be a fairly typical trap album with a strong Latin influence. But any further analysis reveals a wide variety of influences from the worlds of hip hop, latin and electronic music. The synthesis makes for an album that is both cohesive, but also varied enough to stay exciting start to finish. Probably one of the best examples of pop trap I've heard.

Alice Coltrane - Journey Into Satchidananda

Alright which one of you fuckers at Rolling Stone have been peeping my personal top albums list? Featuring Pharoah Sanders on sax and Rashied Ali on drums this album is perfectly designed to appeal to me specifically. Sax and harp float almost aimlessly through a world of thrumming bass and barely restrained drums. The peace within the tension is some of the most beautiful that the jazz world has ever seen. And when all instruments occasionally let loose it just puts that peaceful tension into perspective. A perfect album. 11/10. One of my top ten jaz albums for sure.

Yes - Close to the Edge

70s prog rock was a difficult beast to tackle. Whether you consider it a testament to artistry or pretention is a matter of perspective. Your mileage may vary, but Close to the Edge is so tightly composed and unusually engaging that I think complaints of pretention are going to find it difficult to find footing. This album is a pretty pure expression of musicians trying to hit the limit of their capabilities as artists. And hit it they did. Drummer Bill Bruford actually quit the band after this album citing stress from the recording sessions!

[paige-from-my-book]

I would literally sell my soul for a half-decent live action CDAD movie

[olderthannetfic]

I'm gonna say it. I fucking hate "legal readers" with all my fucking heart, soul and body. All of them can step on legos thrice a row and cry about it.

You see, sometimes consuming whatever entertainment media in Spanish is a fucking pain in the ass, because foreign corporations take their really long time to bring to us, Spanish speakers (specially LATAM ones, fuck Europe), that entertainment media we want to read/watch/listen to. So we of fucking course have to go with the method that all gringuitos in Twitter hate and moan and cry about: piracy. I'll be more specific: fan traslations of manhua. Sorry "legal readers" (I'm totally fucking using this way to call 'em as derogatory), but we read that shit illegally. But I'll be fair, they're aren't always gringos. Sometimes they're latinoamericanes too with really USA-poisoned brain.

You see, a month ago or so BiliBili made a public recruitment for Eng to Esp translators. When we saw this, we teared up with fucking joy. Finally! We can read in our language, in the App/Website! We can support our fave authors and illustrators! But most importantly, we won't depend of shitty business as Seven Seas! We, fans, can and will do the job we love to do because we love manhua! Joy, pure fucking joy.

That, until BiliBili just yesterday (or two days ago) realesed the Spanish version. Legal readers apparently were stupid enough to ignore the fact that since the beginning BiliBili was hiring fan traslators and fans in general for the job and when they saw that a lot of people and groups (like GreyHands, they made a great fucking job translating MDZS to Spanish, I'll be forever grateful) that did those illegal translations were NOW doing it LEGAL, they started a war.

"How DARE BiliBili to NORMALIZE illegal translations??? How DARE BiliBili to give job to those horrible bad BAD people who MAKE authors SUFFER when they translate illegally???? How DARE they to make the illegal legal????". They wanted to boycott BiliBili Comics for THIS. They started doxxing and harassing the people that now are working to translate manhua to Spanish (specially one specific person who said that they translation will be also uploaded to TMO [the MangaDex for Spanish speakers] besides BiliBili). But y'all want to know the best part? Those damn legal readers fuckers went to KOREAN authors and cried over this. Why? I think that even God doesn't know the answer, but the Korean authors also started the dumb as fuck discourse about this saying as well "how DARE BiliBili do this????".

Like. My good pendejos imbéciles, can y'all hide better your classism? Please? As a nice suggestion.

Piracy is the only option when corporations ignore your fucking existence until you start being loud enough for 'em to care. And sometimes is the only option when the corporations now know your existence but are absolute GARBAGE and want to abuse and do a really poor job. We LATAM, as a whole continent, are very poor. Things that bring us joy are expensive, we have to fucking survive but we still have the DAMN RIGHT to enjoy WHATEVER we want. And this includes manhua, donghua and danmei novels. And is also true for whatever people in whatever country that is poor. But those legal readers just HATE the fact that we can still ENJOY things. They hate that we can enjoy manhua in our very own language for free. I don't care what you pay, good for you that you can do that and you'll still have money to eat and pay rent and do other things, that's your problem. Good for you, truly. But this isn't everyones life. Why y'all legal readers hate the fact that FANS are working free for FANS to bring 'em joy? If I had enough money to survive AND buy things legally (implying that corporations treat the authors good and they don't steal absolutely anything from 'em) I'd do it in a heartbeat. Without doubt. But I can't, because I don't have that money but I have the right to be happy for a few minutes/hours. (And please don't fucking start the "Local Library Discourse" in the notes because I'll throw legos at y'all who do because gringos love every damn time to bring this up even tho you could be talking about a total different and unrelated subject.)

I'd hate to hate the fact that other people can enjoy things and be happy and find a job when they're poor or when they just want to be nice to poor fans.

--

People are quite dumb about piracy. They believe corporations' crying about how every illegal watch/listen is a lost sale, but it never is, even in rich countries.

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

[lubdubsworld]

Madeira.  ( Taehyung x OC) Part 1/2

Genre : Angst, Sexually Explicit Content. 

Kim Taehyung x OC 

 Cop Au! 

Married Taehyung x Oc! ( Estranged ) 

Cop Taehyung! Bartender Oc ! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N : This is my spin on the brother’s best friend trope. I wrote this for @ladyartemesia​ Who made the amazing banner for the fic..

Because of one of her posts :D :D But I hope all of you enjoy it. 

Also listen , i was supposed to write a simple brother’s best friend fic , maybe playful fluff and mild angst and some smut but  this thing snowballed into a plot monster and now here we are. 

This is part 1. 

Part 2 soon :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So... that husband of yours is still missing, huh?" The man leaning against the bar smelled like sewage. 

There really was no other word for it. 

He smelled like he’d been drenched in the water that usually ran down the streets, whenever the heavens opened and poured a fucking deluge on us. Like he’d taken a soak in the disgusting broth of decaying produce, discarded animal entrails and everyday garbage. You know, the kind of stuff you find in the market street of a small town.

I ignored him, exhaling sharply and dragging the rag across the counter again, this time with a little more force behind it to make up for the urge to wrap my hands around the fucker’s neck. 

Not the man leaning on the bar that is.  

The man who had abandoned me. 

Kim fucking Taehyung. 

My breath shuddered out of me ,  a headache blooming inside my skull at the very thought of him. it was kind of unwarranted, I guess because it really wasn’t perfect Kim Taehyung’s fault that his wife of five years and seven months hadn’t seen him in ...well, five years and six months. 

Fuck. 

But see he wasn’t missing from my life by design. 

He certainly hadn’t intended to leave me alone because , well for one, he loved me. and two, his best friend aka my big brother Park Jimin would skin him alive if he tried something like that. 

They were best friends, bosom buddies since kinder garten and the only time they’d ever fought was when Jimin had walked in on me choking on Kim Taehyung’s dick in our coat closet at the age of seventeen ( 19 in Taehyung’s case) . 

Taehyung had sported a black eye for two whole weeks. 

So you see, Taehyung wouldn’t just leave me without reason, not unless he wanted to be castrated by my brother. 

No. 

The reason Kim Taehyung wasn’t around was because he had taken up an assignment, an undercover assignment a month after our wedding. 

An assignment that was supposed to last two months. Except it hadn’t and now, it had been a whole five and a half years since I’d seen the man I loved. 

Kim fucking Taehyung. 

See, Taehyung was a detective. 

A brilliant, A- class detective in Seoul PD’s Narcotics Division and he had a reputation. 

 A reputation as one of the most ruthless, merciless men on the force. 

Taehyung had a mind that worked like no other, somehow able to predict exactly how drug dealers moved, how the shipments were going to be smuggled. He could tell where the deal was going to go down, what kind of security measures they would be up against and the most intriguing of all :  just what drug a person had taken, simply from staring into their damn eyes .

 It wasn’t uncommon for his cop buddies to comment how lucky the country was, that Kim Taehyung had chosen to be on this side of the law . 

So Kim Taehyung’s reputation as a brilliant detective was well earned and that was why,  when people heard his reputation and  then  met him, they were always stunned. 

Because, for someone with such a terrifying aura , Taehyung looked deceptively.....well ethereal was the word. Beautiful was another. So fucking gorgeous  he could make angels cry. 

But Taehyung didn’t just look like a fucking angel. He acted like one. He acted like he had been sent on earth, simply to fight every bad guy in the city and while I had been proud and amazed and suitably enthralled with his prowess in the beginning, the fact that he had chosen to just leave me , really fucking hurt. 

It hurt that the boy i had grown up with , the boy who had been my first everything hadn’t thought twice about leaving me behind. About leaving everything we had spent a whole decade building , behind just because he couldn’t control the urge to save the fucking world.

Every damn time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The water in my parents’ home was often murky and I had to let it run for a few minutes, before sticking the bucket underneath the tap. I watched the water turn clearer, cupping my palms underneath the flow watching it run clear. I nudged the bucket with my foot , under the tap and the sound of the water hitting the cheap plastic filled the cramped bathroom, loud and jarring. 

I leaned against the chipped blue tiles, fingers shaking as I clenched them into fists. I had moved year about nine months after Taehyung had left, when it became clear that he wasn’t going to be coming back anytime soon and it became hard, paying the rent for our modest apartment in Itaewon. 

Jimin had offered to help, offered to let me move in with him and his wife Irene,  but he had been newly married as well, with a baby on the way. And i just couldn’t do that to him. I’d called my parents, explained that Taehyung and I were taking a break and could I move in for a while?

My parents had been stunned. 

A break after ten months of marriage? what had happened? 

I’d kept my mouth shut because everything was a security risk. I couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t cry or complain or seek comfort in my mother’s gentle words. Instead i’d spent the days, locked up in my childhood bedroom, pouring over my journals, my keepsakes and photos, reliving the years I’d spent, loving and learning and cherishing Taehyung. 

First kiss in his garage at the age of fifteen  , laughing over a failed skateboard trick. How he’d grinned at me, watching me whine over the scrape on my knee, how he’d stared up at me through the sweat damp bangs on his forehead as he’d knelt on the floor, sticking a bandaid over the scrape and then instead of moving away as usual, he mad moved  in,  brushed his lips against mine, stole the breath out of my lung , the soul out of my body . 

And Those first two years of denial....when he would practically run out of the door if i so much as breathed in his direction. 

“You’re Jimin’s sister.. I can’t...” 

God often he’d said that...over and over again until the words lost all meaning for me. I had wanted him so blindly. Had fought any girl who so much as looked at him and every one of my girlfriends  knew to stay clear off Kim Taehyung. 

The whispers, anytime someone showed an interest on the most handsome boy in school. 

Yes, he is gorgeous, yes he is smart and amazing but he belongs to  her.  She’ll kill you if you come near him. 

I’d enjoyed it. I enjoyed knowing that everyone could see that he belonged with me, even if Taehyung himself didn’t . 

And me at seventeen, watching him talk about leaving .... How he was going to join the police academy and become a cop and that had been the final straw. I’d all but barrelled into his home and kissed him. 

Told him in no uncertain terms that he was not going anywhere without telling me he loved me. And if he didn’t , I wanted him to swear he would never regret it. That when , years from now, he saw me walking down the aisle with some other guy, he would stand in the wedding party, next to my actual brother and not regret that he let me go. 

Taehyung had kissed me back with fervor that still made my lips tingle. 

And that last week before he left, when we had spent all our waking hours, either having sex or thinking about having sex. How we’d christened every surface of our parents’  house , our rooms and finally the coat closet after one particularly tense game of truth and dare. 

That was a memorable one because my brother had walked in, just as Taehyung had gripped my hair hard enough to bruise and shoved his ‘ big by any standards’ dick straight down my throat. 

Talk about embarrassing. 

And it had taken a whole lot of begging and cajoling and promises to not have sex till we were married, for my brother to come around.

But he had. 

And for five glorious years, I had been Kim Taehyung’s girlfriend. Watched him climb the ranks at seoul PD with a speed that was amazing. Watching him become the youngest detective on the force... watched him carve a reputation for himself in the Narcotic department.

And one evening, having dinner in a posh restaurant with our family and friends, I had watched him get down on his knees , a small velvet box in his hand  eyes practically sparkling with love as he stared at me. 

“The only one you’re walking down the aisle with is me, sweetheart.” He had rasped, over the raucous cheering of all the most important people in our lives. 

But the joy had been short lived. 

Just a month after our wedding Taehyung had taken up the assignment. Just two months, he had promised. I’ll be back in two months baby. I love you so damn much, you know that....

I had said it was okay. it wasn’t but i had said. Had promised to wait for him. To keep myself safe. 

Two months had turned to two years. Two years had turned to three. Three to four and four to five. 

Lonely. I was so lonely. 

Even living with my parents, the solitude had been unbearable. The ache from not being touched by him . The ache from not being able to touch him. From not having that boxy smile to greet me in the morning. Not running my fingers through his hair as he left hickeys all over me. Not having him over me, staring down at me,  eyes heavy and hard as he fucked into me.

I missed him so fiercely it was a physical ache. An intense , hollow ache filled with anxiety and longing. 

And terror.

Oh god I was so terrified. 

The fear was all encompassing somedays and I had to bite down on my pillows just to stop myself from giving in to hysteria. To start sobbing, uncontrollably because the thought would come out of nowhere, bowling me over in it’s intensity. 

The burning fear that perhaps he was hurt. 

That perhaps he was no longer of this world and i would never even know. That perhaps right this moment he was lying in some abandoned warehouse, bleeding out , thinking of me, wishing he could see me and he was just going to die alone . And I would never know. 

I spoke to Jimin on the phone to Jimin every weekend. But sometimes, once every three or four weeks, Jimin called in the day. 

We would exchange small talk. 

And then he would say, 

“Had a glass of madeira last night.”  “ spoke to Taehyung’s handler last night. 

I would grip the phone hard, brace myself for the good , the bad or the ugly that was to come. 

“Tasted great. Was thinking of you.”  He’s fine. He misses you. He loves you. 

“Okay. Thank you Jimin.” 

And that was that. 

The sound of the water spilling over drew me to the present and i blinked, staring down at the water flooding the bathroom, the drainhole struggling to get rid of the excess water. 

The house was deserted. 

My parents had died a year ago. And now it was just me. 

I swallowed , shaking my head before grabbing the hem of my dress and stripping. 

Shower.

And then bed. 

Alone. 

Always so fucking alone. 

The phone rang then and i groaned. 

God, I hated having to leave the shower to attend calls but the reception here was terrible and I could only get calls if I left the phone on the small table by the bed. 

Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my torso, I stumbled out into the dimply lit bedroom, reaching for my phone. 

I couldn’t recognize the number and I frowned, before accepting the call.

“Hello?”

“Yerin?” 

Every hair on my body stood on end and my body curned hot and then went icy cold really really fast. 

“T-T-Tae??” I whispered, gripping the phone so hard my fingers went number. 

Five years later and his voice was so different. Deep and raspy and exhausted and I couldn’t make sense of it. Was this real? Was i having a fever dream? Had i fell in the shower and hit my head? 

“Hey baby.” He chuckled. 

“Is this real? Is it you?” I whispered, confused and my head spinning and my vision fading a little. 

“Yeah. “ He coughed a bit and i panicked. “ I’m back. “

I froze. 

“Wh-What?”

“I’m back. I’m home. I’m .... I’m back.” 

I stared at the wall, too stunned to process what I was hearing. 

I could hear his voice through the phone but I couldn’t respond. 

Staring at the screen , I hung up. 

And then, I finally gave in to the hysterics. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[aforrestofstuff]

@kaincuro hates when I have correct opinions on animals so I’m making this just to piss him off:

Forrest’s bottom five animals of All Time:

Number five: dogs with blue or light-colored eyes.

NO!!! Put those motherfuckers AWAY!!! Dogs should have big ol black voids of nothingness to reflect the elevator music perpetually playing inside their heads, not beady blue uncanny valley type shit!! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, ASSHOLE. STOP PEERING INTO MY SOUL. YOU LITERALLY CANNOT COMPREHEND ANYTHING. Your eyes are human but your minds will forever remain dog, choose one you dumb bitches because you can’t have both.

Also a lot of dogs with blue eyes are huskies and if I was making a Top Five Bitchiest Animals of all Time list, they would be number one.

Number four: fish with bigass heads for no reason.

For having such large brains these dumb shits probably don’t even know they’re alive. Look at those dead, lifeless eyes. What are you using all that headspace for, huh megamind? You gonna invent something new or you just gonna float around in some saltwater until you get eaten or die? All those nerve endings wasted on nothing. You sicken me. You’d probably talk like that annoying ass white kid with glasses from the Polar Express if you even COULD talk through your mouth and not just use it to inhale water and eat.

Number three: my dog pinto.

He either smells like straight dirt or baby powder, take your pick. He attacks anything that moves, except people because he’s an attention whore. He barks at everything. He farts while he sleeps and then blames it on me. Either that or, he climbs into my bed just to stand on my chest and kick me in the dick. His parents are a Yorkshire terrier and a hot pile of garbage.

Number two: pandas.

An embarrassment to bears all over the world. Polar bears can swim miles in icy waters, grizzly bears are expert foragers, black bears are the same thing but also really cute—and what do they all have in common? They’re excellent hunters. Meanwhile all THESE FUCKERS can do is eat bamboo stalks or whatever and they still SUCK AT IT. Pandas die all the time because they fall out of trees and are just generally incompetent little losers who still need help making themselves a plate of food as grown adults. The only thing they’ve got going for them is their cuteness and even THEN it’s limited because they can’t fucking wash themselves. See that motherfucker in the first picture? Why is his torso brown. His fur is supposed to be WHITE. TAKE A SHOWER, YOU DIRTY SHIT.

Number one: Sphinx “cats”

I put “cats” in quotations because yeah technically they’re felines but they’re really just ballsacks with legs. How do you feel petting a bony, wrinkly skin tag? When they meow for food, does it sound like Gollum mumbling about his precious? It makes me upset that logically these are the only cats I can own if I don’t want to suffer from allergies 24/7.

Whenever pinto takes a bath and gets out all wet and flat, he looks kinda like these fuckers for all of ten minutes and it’s the ugliest shit ive ever seen. The difference is, Sphinx “cats” are like this ALL THE TIME. How do you look at them and not want to put a paper bag over their ugly little wrinkly heads. Awful creatures. I’m so sorry God has done this to y’all.

[vukovich]

WIP Poll Update

You didn't know you were participating in an experiment, but you were. My theory was that people would vote on WIPs that are close to being done. Hypothesis confirmed (Bill Nye party horn).

Some projects have been deleted due to lack of interest.

Per a complicated point system and ranked choice voting:

First place: 23%

A Dog Named Chai Drarry, some Harry/Charlie Fluff/Angst/Domestic/HURT/Comfort/Smut Demisexual Harry having immigrant kid feelings and bonding with a grey-eyed dog. Currently 20k and growing, estimated 80-100k.

Second Place: 14%

Garnishes II Louis Weasley(veela)/Draco. SMUT. Rivals to... rivals, but with sex. And a Toblerone. Currently 5k, probably 12k finished.

Third Place: 11%

Fist-Full Drarry Smut Just a casual backroom fisting in a vintage confessional between school rivals. Take that, Potter. Don't mind if I do. Currently 2.5k, estimated 5k maybe. Art is required for the ending. LMK if you take unmarked bills.

Fourth Place (Tie): 10.7% each

Machine Gun Astoria Drastoria/Dark Drarry dubcon Action Astoria's covered in tattoos and takes zero shit. She and Scorp are Naginis. Her husband goes missing. She never did trust that Parseltongued Auror bastard around her husband. 30-50k The first chapter is done. I intentionally withheld this information, because I'm a dick.

And

Bodies in Motion Drarry Crack/Smut/Light Angst Harry's ripped as fuck and has casual body image issues and no social life outside the gym. Draco is an unattractive nerd who is vaguely aware his brain requires a body to function, but would rather build Teddy a Hogwarts Minecraft realm than acknowledge his own corporeal form. But he's weirdly good in bed. Currently 5k, maybe 15k total.

Fifth Place (Three-way Tie): 8% each

Puer Delicatus Drarry, Theo/Draco, spoilers/spoilers Angst/Smut/Hurt/Comfort Hmm... I'm going to go with "Culturally-normalized sexual abuse of young men in wizard society" for a summary. Everybody has PTSD. Arthur is the dad everyone needed. Harry just keeps punching people who care for him. Draco is 150% not okay. Theo is a deity who will dick you down for your own good. His wife said it's fine. 20-40k. This might will get hot-written daily chapters with reader steering via Tumblr like It'll Come Back. This will hurt far more. Block #puerdelicatus now.

Services Rendered Drarry, Harry/Many Thinky Smut/Angst Power bottom Harry gets kicked out of his favorite dungeon. Draco drags him to a formal D/s dinner, and Harry's very soul revolts and tries to leave through his pores when presented with domestic duties. He cries himself to sleep naked in a collar on a pile of coats because he's a shitty boyfriend. Currently 7k, probably 12k total. (There's a finished craft project for this one.)

Draco Malfoy: International Monster Fucker Dramione, Draco/Monsters Crack/Smut Draco's official title is "Beast Husbandry Specialist". Hermione is his supervisor. She needs detailed reports from his assignments. So detailed. Exactly what were the girth of those tentacles, and where did they go? How did the, uhm, specialist feel about it? HOW many genders of centaurs are there? You did WHAT to them? She will take these reports to her office and read them alone now. No calls. 15-25k

Sixth Place: 3.5%

Quicksilver and the Dead Drarry Pastoral horror?/Action/dubcon Draco has to learn to survive lifetime confinement to the Manor grounds alone. Lots of world building. Accidental hereditary necromancer Draco versus surprise villain. 60-80k There's actually about 10k done of this, but I didn't mention it to test the "We just want the WIP that's almost done" theory.

The Garbage Can: 0%

Written History Immortal Drarry Action/Angst Harry is a soldier from Palmyra during the 273 AD assault on the Library of Alexandria. Draco is an exiled Spartan-turned-scribe. They keep running into each other at major world conflicts, always with Harry on the wrong side of history and Draco recording it. Until Harry gets it right. 20-40k The first chapter is done and will be posted and consigned to a one-shot.

Codename Snitch Drarry Action/Smut/Angst Harry is an undercover agent/pro Seeker. Russian mafia things happen. 10-50k. I have no idea, because I'm not sure how this plot ends. Hereby declared dead. RIP: Tattooed Durmstrang crime lord/gay savior Draco. *pours vodka on the curb... which looks a lot like a martini glass.* Sorry, @wheezykat

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

S2 ep 3 reaction

I have no idea what's happening

Ok this is a pretty clever intro

Also I guess the main antagonist this episode is a bdsm, emo, vampire... named Jurgen

The look Sam gives Max when he's having his vision 💗💗💗

Lol Sam doesn't question the zombies until the Commissioner calls

"You know what they say about guys with big feet. They have big thongs."

Sybil is so done with Abe. Have a feeling they'll get back together tho 😒

Poor Leonard

Bosco's is closed :(

Sybil actually seems happy to see the boys 🥰

Sam thought Sybil was becoming a prostitute

"I'm not going back into that closet. Not after all we accomplished."

Don't trust Harry alone with Sybil 😕

Abe is sulking in Stinky's

Girl Stinky asks me to get rid of Abe and I'm like, "anything for you queen" (I don't actually know how to do that yet tho)

Why does Abe have confederate money?

Well, neither Stinky or Abe were helpful

C.o.p.s. once again are the most useful of the minor characters

I don't like the delivery mini game 😒

Superball!!!! My love 💓💘💗

"Superball." *thunder and horse winnie*

Oh hey, garlic cigarettes in the garbage... Sure that's useful considering y'know

Sam honey, why are you putting grave dirt in your coat

Oh, it was a brain... that's worse

Wait, how is the torch lit in a downpour

Oh hey, I figured out the garlic puzzel quick :)

Ah, I can’t take the cigs with me and Max won't eat them

It's nice of Superball to indulge Max by doing the voice

Jurgen is disrespectful. He must die

"I never knew Vampires were so... fruity." "Not all vampires, Max. Just the European ones."

Haha Max is dancing

Oh I can have Sam dance with the zombies

What a bicon, using finger guns

"Okay Jurgen, kill ya later."

"Is that your hand?" "Oops, sorry little buddy."

Haha, Jurgen looked like an idiot while nearly burning alive

Let's make the edges rhyme

Ew he drank Max's blood

Let's grab our cigs and go somewhere

Wait... the studio?

WAIT I thought midtown cowboys got canceled

Oh well.

Ok, apparently it's popular enough in Germany (?) that it's the only one show the studio films???

Oh, I see what I have to do.

And I know how to get the holy water too!

Aw, it gives Max a little halo 😇

Dumb bitch boy intentionally smokes something that can easily kill him.

Love that him drinking Max's holy blood seems to just give him indigestion.

Oh, he actually killed the boys. Now he really has to die.

At least they're zombies?

Zombie Lincoln

The boys don't understand the difference between Stone Abe and zombie abe

I'm going to harass people as zombies

Superball can't understand us 😞

I like that Sam and Max can only communicate in groans

Oh, we can talk to the zombies now.

"But we're the Freelance Police, we can't die!"

I have to get into the VIP lounge

Zombie Abe followed us into the factory

The game is running real slow for some reason 😴

I'm going to restart my computer and see if it'll let me update Steam

Ok, since it was the monster factory that made things freeze last time I'm going to go to the studio and to The Neighborhood first to see if I can find anything new.

Oh, I can’t go to the studio :(

Jesse James hand ran off

The hand has Girl Stinky! We have to save the problematic queen!

Okay, figured out how to get it stuck

Aw, she called the boys her heroes

Sybil completely unaffected by the boys being zombies

The moleman doesn't want us to touch anything haha

Oh I forgot about her soul mater

She just keeps talking to them as if they're not zombies

I clicked on Harry a bunch and Sam just... shoved his finger in Max's mouth??? "What are they doing?"

Ok I don't think I can do anything now so I'm going back to the Zombi Factory

Zombie abe followed us again

Whoa, it's Flint Paper!!!

Aw, he came to rescue Sam and Max 💕

Lol, he shot Abe's brain out

Oh, their souls are in a cage

The souls don't want to go back to their bodies????

Ok got the intenna to charge up the alchemy table

Lol, the boys are so dramatic while bringing the monster to life

"I am... alone." "You got us." "Please kill me."

Aw, we get to introduce him to Sybil

Aw, Sybil defending the Zombie boys from Harry's prejudice 🥰🥰🥰

Oh, we were able to set Harry up as a jerk

Aw, she kicked him out because he was mean to the boys 🥲

Oooh!? Agent Superball X Sybil??? I like!

Ok, got the chocolate, let's turn it to gold.

Oooh! I know how to get behind Flint now!

"Bleh! Flint tastes like cigarettes and cheap scotch."

Oh, so we're just leaving Flint on the ground?

"Wanna play doctor, Max?" "For the last time no-- OH! With the monster, sure."

Yay, monster has a proper name now

Superball thinks sybil is beautiful 🥺🥺🥺

I want him to end up with her not stone Abe or the monster!

Maybe in a fix-it fic

Sybil is a canon monster fucker

Superball is sad 😥

Oh no! She's going back to stone Abe! I knew it was going to happen

Sam and Max blowing kisses Yakko style at the camera

Pfft Girl Stinky is still tied up

Lol, soul Max's reaction to getting sucked back into a body

Also, they switched bodies!?

"Ah, so there's where you keep your gun." Uuuuh

"I bet those candy-assed vampire hunters just don't know how to do it."

Ok that's a pretty cool way to beat him actually

[atinybitofau]

S A N ⇨ mafia au

THE ONE WHERE SAN = SMILEY SATAN

part two

• he watches you.

• and he’s thinking to himself.

• fuck, this dumbass chick really had to be at the right place at the right time.

• he was the most wanted hitman in South Korea

• the most skilled hitman belonging to none other than the top class mafia group ATZ.

• he was trying to fill up his empty schedule that’s all.

• wanted to kill some low life useless fuckers for fun and extra money— why not.

• he never gave a single shit to care about meaningless souls like society’s proper.

• he’s the greatest hitman to ever live?

• why should he care.

• never spent more than 10 seconds looking at a face pretty or not.

• his tongue pokes at his cheek, leg bouncing underneath the tripod of his sniper in impatience before he lets out an exasperated groan.

• “Fucking bitch better move out of my way or I’ll blow her brains out too.” he mutters under his breath.

• he was losing too much oppurtunity.

• “5 seconds, San. Take the shot.”

• “I’m fucking trying! There’s some bimbo in my line of fire and I am not going to waste my time cleaning up her mess.”

• he sighs, finger hovering the trigger counting down from five.

• that is—

• till he stops at three as soon as you turn around.

• you’re gorgeous, he thinks.

• like no one other.

• his eyes narrow and his mouth waters at your beauty.

• special and nothing he’s ever laid eyes on before.

• satan’s gift to him after hard years of working for his ass.

• san’s lips part and he has to look out of the scope for better landscape.

• you smile and he’s shot down.

• he forgets for the last three seconds what he was supposed to be doing.

• “You dumbass. We missed the mark. Now we gotta wait two more hours. You better hope you can sit your cocky ass down for it all cause you are not taking your eyes off that scope, San.”

• with pleasure, he wants to reply to his boss but his finger grazes his lips instead of the trigger reveling on you.

• yeah he didn’t mind.

• fuck yeah he didn’t mind.

• not when you’re on the other side of the scope for him to drool over.

• it bogs him why you were working at that piece of garbage establishment and how he could slither you up his sleeve before he leaves.

• he sits back in his chair, watching you more than his target at this point.

• “San, are you paying attention this time?”

• he hears Hongjoong but he’s more intent on watching you then listening.

• you had curves for days and he couldn’t wait to get his blood stained hands on them.

• “10 seconds.”

• “San.”

• “4 seconds.”

• he packs his sniper, pulling out a small pistol from his weapon bag, strapping on a vest under his business suit.

• “What the fuck are you doing, you idiot?”

• “Gonna get the girl.”

• “SAN IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL—“

• he pulls out his in ear out before his boss could finish and practically runs to the building across.

• he has to get you.

• he won’t be able to think straight.

• wont be able to work straight without knowing he’d see your face every night he comes home.

• won’t kill anyone until he gets his reward.

• “Sir, I’m sorry but you can’t go in there.”

• San doesn’t like to wonder at a pretty face twice.

• at least one that’s not yours.

• he shoots the poor receptionist point blank and half the building with just a little pistol between his fingers.

• not knowing he got the target down in the process.

• but then he see’s you, the lone survivor.

• scared shitless behind your desk with wide eyes and trembling lips.

• “Hi.” he manages to say from his salivating mouth.

• so that’s what people’s faces look like, he thinks. two eyes, one pair of lips just like his.

• he’s never looked at another person for this long before.

• he’s thinking you’re the only person he’ll ever look at for that long. the only person he’ll ever give it worth.

• “Um, hi.”

• you kind of think he’s nice..

• for smiling at you before killing you.

• you think he has a nice smile for a psychopath.

• and that you might not want to haunt him later for killing everyone you hated in a span of 2 minutes.

• “You’re very pretty.”

• you let out a faint laugh of disbelief.

• there’s blood on his cheek, a smoking gun in his hand, and a heart okay with killing innocent lives.

• but he has the time to call you pretty instead of put a bullet through your skull?

• “I’m San.”

• “Y-Y/n.” you mumble tripping over your feet. “Ow. Sorry I’m y/n.”

• he smiles again this time teeth in full view.

• he may be a bad bad criminal but

• he’s got the most sweetest smile in the world.

• “Sorry for killing all your friends, sweetheart.”

• you blink shaking your head at the assassin. “S’okay. They’re not my friends.”

• “I’m glad. They were chumps anyway.” the corner of his lip curls up. “You got a family, y/n? Actual friends?”

• he approaches you.

• you take a step back not knowing what his intentions are.

• his gun seemed noncompliant by his side and you suddenly feel like he’s not trying to threaten you.

• quite the contrary actually.

• you have a weird feeling that maybe this charming assassin was trying to impress you.

• “My family.. my family don’t care what I do. My friends are just people I talk to every now and then.”

• in other words, you had nobody.

• but in no means were you trying to make a good impression.

• you just didn’t want to get killed.

• “I’m gonna give you two choices.”

• “Okay.” you were very obedient and it showed with your answer.

• you weren’t the type of girl who overstepped boundaries.

• he liked that.

• a little too much.

• “You’re either going to come home with me like a good girl— a very nice pretty girl I must add and stay with me until I die,”

• you swallow because you don’t necessarily see a way out.

• “Or I could just shoot you and leave you here with the rest of these dead useless no good rotten excuses for human bodies.”

• let’s see.

• spend your entire life damned to a hot psychopath killer who obviously thinks of you as the prettiest thing on the planet.

• OR

• die with a bunch of losers at a piece of garbage establishment where you never really belonged in the first place.

• “You.”

• now he feels like a twisted version of prince charming.

• he gets to run away with the girl.

• “I think you have the prettiest eyes.” he says as he rushes to you to hold your hand. “The prettiest smile.”

• he reminds you of a lovesick puppy when he looks at you.

• “You don’t talk to a lot of people do you, San?”

• he’s sweet to you.

• it bogs your mind how this sweet little bean was actually a heartless sociopath.

• “No.” he answered you proudly.

• you breath a soft chuckle and he thinks it’s the most precious thing in the world.

• if something were ever able to kill him, it’d definitely be you.

• “You’re gonna love me.” he says rubbing at the back of your hand, eyes dawned in obsession. “And I’m gonna love the shit out of you too. Is that okay, sweetheart? Are you okay with that?”

• “Y-yes.” you’re flattered and a little bit terrified. “Yeah, yeah that’s okay.”

• it’s not like you have a choice.

• his smile almost makes you convinced he’s not actually a cold blooded killer.

• anyone who would’ve saved you from that crap life of yours?

• you probably woulda loved anyway.

• but you definitely weren’t complaining that it was Choi San that ended up saving you.

• he’s just an assassin by day and your boyfriend by night.

• who knew the devil could be so sweet?

@atinybitofau

[wildernessuntothemselves]

That Boy is a Monster

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You had sworn you would never feed on a human again, and for centuries you had kept your promise. But now, with your blood supply suddenly cut off, that primitive hunger you thought you’d conquered so long ago comes back with a vengeance and you find yourself on the hunt for human blood once again. Only it turns out that the hot boy you’d picked out wasn’t so human after all. Feat. baby Hajoon

Warnings: dubcon, super dom!woosung, rough sex, a ridiculous amount of cum, degradation, blood drinking, woosung using the OC like a fuckdoll, minor violence, unedited garbage 

A/N: I’m back on my werewolf/vampire shit and I blame sammy for it

You haven’t had a taste of alcohol in decades, but, right now, the world was spinning around you like you had just downed a dozen shots of the hardest liquor back to back. Everything was hazy and all your senses were dulled except for the gnawing hunger in the pit of your stomach and the burning smell of spice in your nose as you nuzzled your face into the neck of the boy you were grinding on. You could barely hold yourself back from sinking your teeth into his flesh and getting at the burning blood underneath that was taunting you with the promise of satiating the kind of hunger you hadn’t felt in centuries.

You hadn’t even realized you were that thirsty until you smelled him. Something about him was so intoxicating and dangerous. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but his skin was golden and he smelled of something so earthy and familiar, it made your head swim and your skin prickle.

He easily agreed when you told him that you wanted to take him home, pearly whites gleaming in your hazy vision as he stared you up and down hungrily. Which was just all kinds of wrong, you were the predator here so why did he look like he could just eat you whole? And why the hell did that scare you? An ordinary human like him, no matter how intimidating he looks, is no match for you.

It’s only when you have him in your bed, ready to sink your teeth into him and far too drained to actually fuck him beforehand, that you realize your deadly mistake. He was no ordinary human at all.

“I don’t think so, kitten.” He laughs that laidback laugh of his and shrugs you off.

Even in your weakened state, you still reel from just how easily he’s able to pin you down and tear the clothes right off your body. He breaks no sweat in manhandling you, flipping you onto your stomach and pulling you up by your ass so he could plant a kiss on your now exposed slit.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to fuck a vampire.” His lips brush against your lower ones and you feel a chill running down your spine as you finally grasp the situation you were in.

That fucker is a werewolf.

“Don’t you dare.” You hiss, and claw at the sheets to try to escape his impossibly strong grip, but it was useless. With your full strength, you’d make a formidable foe, but right now you were as easy as a human to him.

Spreading your cheeks apart with his hands, he pushes his face between your legs and gives out an appreciative hum as his wet tongue swirls in circles around your opening. That’s when you realize, to your absolute horror and disgust, that you’re actually wet for him.  

You’ve never fucked a wolf before, never even considered it. They were inferior creatures, ruled by their desires and swayed by the moon. A sophisticated being like yourself had no business dirtying themselves with such savages. But here he was, not only forcing you into it but actually getting your body to react to him.

His oral skills were as unrefined as you would think, his tongue messily prodding into you and his lips slurping up your wetness, but the little moans and groans that keep spilling out of his mouth as he enthusiastically eats you out just make you wetter for him. You can’t fathom how this wolf could have such a visceral effect on you. It’s like he’s infecting you with his animalistic need and forcing you to give into base desires you didn’t think you possessed anymore.  

Far from the dullness from a while ago, now everything was just too much. You keep trying to slip from his grasp, to get away from his tongue that was relentlessly flicking across your opening, driving you crazy with the need to just push it inside and fill you up with something, anything.

He gets you so worked up that when finally slides his dick inside you, you can’t hold back the whiny moan he tears from you.

“Yeah, that feels good, doesn’t it, kitten?” He growls, hips moving fluidly as he fucks you, “I knew I could fuck one of you into submission if I tried.”

“I’ll tear you apa--hmph”

You don’t get so finish your threat. He pushes your face into the sheets, shutting you up.

“You’re all so fucking proud, but look at you now, propped up like any other bitch for me to use.”

He adds insult to injury by slapping your ass harshly. You yelp at the first hit, not having expected it, but when he keeps spanking you in order to elicit more screams from you, you resort to biting down on the sheets in order not to give him what he wants. It was bad enough that your pussy was practically sucking him in each time he went to pull back, you didn’t need to moan like a bitch in heat for him too.

But of course that fucker won’t just let you preserve your dignity.

“Oh no, you don’t get to hide from me.” He pulls your body up all the way, pressing your back against his chest with one hand on your lower belly and the other wrapped tightly around your neck. This way there is nothing to muffle your moans except biting down on your tongue hard enough to lose some of the already small amount of blood you had left in your body, and even then, he could hear every little sound you try to keep buried in your throat as he fucks you just like that with a strength only a monster like him could possess. “Come on, moan for me, kitten. I already know you like it. You smell more delicious than a bitch in heat. Moan for me and maybe I’ll let you cum on my dick.”

“Fuck you, you dirty mutt.” Blood sputters from your mouth as you spit the words out.

“Still too proud, huh? You won’t be when I’m done with you.” He slaps you again, this time over your pussy, the sting so unexpected it makes you clench around his dick hard, tearing a harsh growl from his own throat as he cums inside you.

You’ve never seen or felt a wolf cum before, but you’d heard they produced a lot. You’ve always found that fucking disgusting, but nothing could’ve prepared you for just how much he could actually cum. Spurt after the other, he spent his seed inside you in a seemingly never ending stream until it was overflowing and leaking from around his length that was still lodged inside of you.

“Disgusting.” You croak, feeling filthy with his sticky seed dripping from you like this.

Suddenly, you find yourself flipped around on your back as he unceremoniously pushed your legs apart with his knees to ogle at his own cum that was escaping from your pussy. He pushes his fingers inside you then brings them out, his fingers coated with his white seed.

“Fuck.” He groans as he starts fucking his fingers in and out of you. He was practically salivating at the sight, absolutely fascinated by how each time they came out with more of his cum.

“If you’re going to be drooling like a dog, why don’t you put your mouth on me already?” You mutter, impatient and feeling your belly buzzing from need.

The look he gives you as his eyes suddenly flick up towards your face makes you clench around his fingers that had stilled inside of you. He stares at you for a second before he smirks and bends down to flick his tongue across your clit.

You gasp, your back arching and your fingers flying to his hair to tangle themselves in it. He resumes pumping his fingers inside you, coupling it with a surprisingly focused attack on your clit with his tongue, making sure to touch and lick you just right, his superior senses helping him figure out what exactly you like. You guess he calmed down a bit after cumming and now he could focus on how to drive you insane.

You couldn’t look down at him because you knew that he was watching you, and if your eyes were to meet his while he was eating you out so good, you’re afraid he’d enslave your soul forever.

Just when you were starting to feel your pleasure building up from his ministrations, he pulls back and removes his fingers from you, making you let out an embarrassing whine which only pleases the cocky wolf even more. He puts his hands on your waist and pulls your hips down flush against his. He uses his knees to push your thighs apart and leans forward a bit so his hard dick is laying heavy over your needy pussy.

“Fuck, didn’t you cum already?”

“Oh, I’m not nearly done with you, kitten. I don’t know when I’ll have this chance again and I’m not leaving you until I’ve had my fill.”

You shudder at the way his teeth glint as he grins, and you can’t tell how you didn’t figure out he was a wolf earlier. Everything from his flashy outfit to the earthy notes in his scent to the way his fangs protrude just a little bit even in their resting state screams out that he’s a wolf. And now you were paying for your fatal oversight.

He bottoms out inside you once again, but instead of hammering into you like last time, he takes to swiveling his hips around in circles, sliding his dick in and out of you in a way that makes it brush against every last crevice inside of you and bringing his hips in touch with yours so his pubic bone grinds against your aching clit. This position brings him very close to you, specifically his neck to your sharp fangs as he leans his weight down on you. If he were to bend down just a little more, you’d be able to attack him.

Staring down at him with heavy-lidded eyes, you purr seductively, “Why don’t you come closer, baby?”  

He laughs, “Because you’ll bite my head off if I did?”

“Nuh-uh,” You whine, biting your lip. “Just wanna taste you.”

You wrap your arms and legs around his body and try to pull him down towards you but you can’t even make him budge. Frustrated, you dig your fingers into his skin and rake them down his back, your nails still sharp enough to gouge red trails in their wake.

But instead of deterring him, it only works him up more, and he throws his head back and starts thrusting with more zeal once again, chasing after his own high. With each firm move of his hips, you could practically see the blood flowing through his visible veins and it makes your mouth water.

He was driving you crazy--staying just out of reach so you wouldn’t be able to get at him, fucking you well enough to get you close to the edge but not over it.  

“Come on, kitten, don’t you wanna cum? What are you waiting for?” He taunts.

You growl at him, baring your fangs and continuing to claw at his back uselessly. You’ve never felt this helpless and frustrated before. You wish you could just pin him down and get what you needed from him--just fuck him until you cum and then drain him of his life’s blood.

He must love it, getting to use a powerful being like yourself for his own pleasure, having you struggle under him but be able to do nothing but hiss and growl like a cornered kitten, all while your body betrays you and you pussy keeps spasming around his dick.

“I’m close again, kitten. Are you gonna cum with me?” He trails a hand across your belly until it rests just above your pussy, and then he just keeps it there, once again just out of reach of where you needed him. “Come on, kitten, cum with me.”

He pulls out just before he releases so his cum can land on your body, the large amount of it landing on your stomach, chest, and even your hair. You were now entirely covered with the smell of him, inside and out. You don’t know how you could ever live this down. You’ve always looked down on creatures like him and he knows it. So to be marked by him in such a humiliating way made fury curl up in your stomach, tangling with the pleasure there to create a powerful sense of hatred for the young wolf above you.

He must sense it, and he fucking gets off on it.

“Aw, you didn’t cum again?” He smiles widely, “It’s okay, I’ll give you one more chance.”

Your stomach drops as he sits up and pulls you back with him. By now you barely have enough energy to even hold yourself up, let alone fight him so he easily sits you down on his cock, his hands propping you up as he fucks you from underneath, making you bounce you on his dick like a fucking ragdoll.

How the fuck is he still hard? He must be getting off on playing with you.

In contrast to him, your body was giving up, your vision getting blurry as the last shreds of energy start leaving your body, and you can’t even hold your head upright anymore.

“Woah, woah, stay with me, kitten.” He tangles a hand in your hair and pulls harshly on it, forcing your head up.

“Feed me.” You rasp, your scalp burning as you fight against his grip on your hair in order to bury your face in his neck, and to your surprise, he actually loosens his hold on you a bit, letting you lean your head down towards him.

But at the last second, he nudges your head down so your mouth meets his upper chest, making you miss his neck by just a small fraction. Unable to fight against his hold and too starved to wait any longer, you clamp down on his skin anyway, needing anything you can get from him at this point.

There were no major arteries near you, but the small amount of blood that comes out of the wound you made on his chest hits your tongue and floods your body with pleasure. Suddenly, your senses are awakened again and you find yourself absolutely littering his chest with little bites that draw a small amount of blood each, but every tiny bit heats you up little by little until you find yourself desperately grinding on his dick while you lick and bite him all over his chest.  

He fucking loves it too, bucking up into you wildly as his third orgasm builds up. He gets so into it that his attention slips for a second, his fingers loosening up in your hair as he throws his head back to pant and moan. You use what little amount of strength you’ve gained from his blood to push against his hold and bury your face in his neck, your teeth biting down on him with a vengeance.

“AH FUCK!” He cries out, his orgasm hitting him hard. Growling, he pushes you down on to the bed, tumbling down over you when you refuse to dislodge your teeth from his neck, the exquisite taste of his blood making you eyes roll to the back of your head.

Claws protrude out from his hands tear at your side as he tries to remove your mouth from him. Using his hips, he hammers his dick into you, forcing you into your own orgasm and in that moment when your orgasm overwhelms you--the pleasure in your belly finally overflowing and reaching every last part of your body with the newly acquired blood you just drank from him-- he claws at your scalp and rips your head away from him, your mouth coming off with a small chunk of his flesh.

“Fuck, shit, shit,” He curses, holding a hand to his neck where a gaping wound was now.

You try to get up and attack him again, but unfortunately the blood you drank from him wasn’t nearly enough to help you regain your strength and you promptly fall back down on the bed, exhausted once again as your orgasm burns up the last bit of energy you had acquired.

“Bad kitten.” He growls, crawling towards you, his hands leaving bloody prints on the sheets. Grabbing your face, he kisses you harshly, biting your lips before you can bite him and moaning at the taste as if he liked it--knowing him, he probably did.

Keeping your head pinned to the bed, he pulls back slightly to stare down at you, his eyes still filled to the brim with arousal. The trickle of blood from the wound on his neck grabs your attention and you stare at the bright, fragrant blood hungrily, your stomach twisting and growling.

“I should kill you for that stunt you just pulled.” He snarls lowly.

“Do it then.” You were sick of being his toy. If this is how it all ends for you then so be it, you won’t give him the satisfaction of humiliating you any longer.

“Oh no, kitten.” That cocky smile is back on his face, “I can’t let a creature as beautiful as you perish.”

You narrow your eyes at him. What was his play here? “So what are you gonna do? Keep me around to fuck me whenever you want to? I thought you were smarter than that.”

“You’re right. If I do that I’d be writing my own death sentence. But that doesn’t mean I can’t ever visit you again.”

“You’d be wise to avoid me at all costs because if I ever see your face again, that would be the end for you, make no mistake.” You threaten him, fully intending to follow through on your words.

“Don’t you underestimate me, kitten.” He warns you, and you shudder at the dark promise in his eyes. You didn’t know what he was capable of but the thought scared you. He was obviously crazy and brazen enough to attempt it.  

“Now enough chit-chat. How about a parting gift? A small token of my admiration?” He grins deviously.  

“What?” You don’t have time to question him before he’s gone and you’re left alone in your bed, feeling gross and starved.

“Asshole.”

____________________________

You don’t realize you’d dozed off until you hear shuffling noises inside your apartment and a moment later, the wolf reemerges with another boy in hand.

“Here you go, love.” He proclaims proudly as he pulls the boy’s head back roughly to show you his neck, presenting him like a dog showing his kill to his owner. “Isn’t he pretty?”

He was. So pretty, and innocent and oh so scared. Too scared to even mutter a single word. The wolf must’ve really done a number on him.

The wolf pulls the boy to the bed and ties him to the headboard so he won’t be able to escape, then he pulls you on top of the boy, rearranging the both of you however he wants.

“Enjoy your meal, darling.” He whispers in your ear, holding you from behind.

Sensing that he’s about to leave, you grab onto his arms that were around you. “Don’t go. I want you.” You don’t care to hide the ferociousness in your voice, and yet it makes him shiver with need anyway. He wanted you to bite him.  “Maybe next time kitten. I’ll be ready for you then and we can have more fun.”  

He twists your head around to give you one last kiss before he takes off, leaving you with the poor human boy who he intends to become your meal.

When you look down at him, you find that he was staring up at you but once your eyes meet his, he squeezes his eyes shut and scrunches his face up in fear. When you cup his cheeks in your hands, he lets out a tiny whimper.

“What’s your name, love?” You ask him softly, and in that moment you realize that you don’t even know the wolf’s name.

“Ha-hajoon.” His voice is barely above a whisper but you hear it anyway.

“Do you know what I am, Hajoon?”

He nods, eyes still closed shut, and you actually feel sorry for him.

“Don’t worry, darling. This won’t hurt.”

He nods once again, tears falling down his face as he quietly sobs, resigning himself to his fate. When you lean down towards his neck and your fangs scrape against his skin,the gasp he lets out is broken wet and teary that it shatters your heart. It’s been so long since you’ve fed directly from a human and all those feelings of guilt and sorry come rushing back to you at once. With all that has happened today, you feel like you’ve regressed to your younger self once again, so uncertain and scared and alone.

You see those same emotions reflected on the boy’s face and you realize that you can’t bring yourself to hurt him.  Pulling back, you wait patiently for the boy to open his eyes and look at you, which he does eventually, gaze brimming with confusion.

“What’s wrong?” He asks shakily, his voice raw and raspy from fear.

“I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t have to. Feeding doesn’t have to be traumatic. Sometimes it can even be pleasurable if you’re in the right mindset, and you can walk away from it safe and satisfied. But I need you to relax and give yourself to me. I need you to give me your full trust. You think you can do that, baby?”

It takes him a while to respond, and you fully expect him to say no. But when you hear his heartbeat slow down ever so slightly, you already know what he’ll say next.

“Yes.”

You smile at him, your heart warming up to the strange boy.

__________________________________________

You had planned to drink just enough blood from Hajoon to get back on your feet then seek out nutrition from other places until your strength is fully restored and you can go after the wolf that started this all.

But Hajoon would have none of it. He refused to leave your side until you were back to your full strength. And that he did. He stayed by your side until he had nursed you back to health, helping you find more food by basically getting his friends to donate their blood for you.

It was then that you couldn’t help but notice how jealous he got when you’d feed from other people, and after that, it was pretty easy to figure out that the human boy had developed feelings for you.

You found it adorable, really. It was so like humans to fall for the very thing that could end them. And yet, despite being a superiorly more intelligent being, you found yourself growing fond of the boy by the day, and by time, you came to reciprocate his feelings too, falling for the boy who had basically saved your life.

It was at his request that you abandoned your vengeance plans. He convinced you that you won’t gain anything from chasing after the wolf. You’d only be putting yourself in danger and he couldn’t handle losing you. He needed you to stay by his side just like he did before.

You honor your promise to him and stay away from the wolf, starting by changing apartments to somewhere far away from where you’d met him and taking whatever measures you could to prevent him from finding you again.

As the days pass, you become grateful that Hajoon had stopped you. You’ve come to find happiness and contentment in your budding relationship with him that you don’t even think about the monster who brought you together. Actually, you had almost forgotten him entirely when he decided to force himself back in your life.

One day, you step into your shared apartment with Hajoon, only to be greeted by the overwhelming stench of blood, one that elicited nauseousness in you rather than hunger as it could have only belonged to your seriously injured lover.

Sure enough, you find him at the foot of the couch, sprawled at the wolf’s feet and covered in his own blood with a gaping wound torn into the flesh of his shoulder.

“Why is he still alive, kitten? Don’t you know when you leave food around too long it goes bad? Now look what you’ve done.” He indicates towards your lover, as if it was your own fault he was dying.

You rush forward, scooping Hajoon in your arms and checking his injuries. You almost jump back in horror when you see that the wound on his shoulder was a bite… one that could transform your own lover into a beast just like the one sitting so cockily and at ease on your couch above your head.  

Anxiously, your hands flutter around Hajoon’s body, trying to figure out what to do, and for a second, you consider biting him to try and turn him into before the wolf’s venom sets in.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” The wolf warns happily, “It’s too late already and your venom would only kill him now.”

“Why are you doing this?” You wail in despair as he once again turns your world upside down on your head.

“I told you I’d be back and I don’t appreciate being pushed aside for what should’ve been a one-ticket meal.”

“You’re not pushed aside because you have no place in my life to begin with.” You scream at him, cradling Hajoon to your chest as the venom takes its hold on his body and he starts suffering the effects of the transformation. “You’re fucking insane.”

The wolf laughs and looks down at you gleefully, “Oh, believe me, kitten, you haven’t even seen the half of it.”

_______________________________________

A/N: I’m struggling so much with writing lately and I’ve only been putting out half-assed unedited fics and I hate it but it’s the only thing I can put out right now so I hope you like it anyway and don’t judge me too harshly lol

[alicemarion]

OUTLAST :  THE  MURKOFF  ACCOUNT  (  PART 2  )   sentence starters !

this  prompt  was  made  using  dialogue  from  issues  #4 ,    #5  and  #6  of  outlast :  the  murkoff  account  by  red  barrels .    feel  free  to  edit  any  of  these  to  make  them  more  suitable !

“  _____  wasn’t  fucking  around  about  disappearing .  ”

“  our  chances  of  finding  a  lead  in  this  are  vanishingly  slim .  ”

“  what  you  got  there ?  ”

“  i  hate  it  when  they  have  families .  ”

“  since  when  did  _____  hurt  women  and  kids ?  ”

“  sorry ,    that  was  in  bad  taste .  ”

“  he’s  been  gone  for  a  while  now .  ”

“  i  saw  him  back  just  last  night .  ”

“  i  saw  him ,     standing  right  over  there .  ”

“  drove  my  dogs  batshit ,    which  is  weird .  ” 

“  they  always  used  to  like  him .  ”

“  _____  said  _____  was  here  last  night .  ”

“  it’d  take  us  days  to  find  him  under  all  this  shit  if  he  was .  ”

“  guess  we  better  get  started  then .  ”

“  it’s  garbage .  ”

“  is  ...    is  some  of  this  garbage  moving ?  ”

“  ants .    the  place  is  infested .  ”

“  what  do  you  mean ?  ”

“  emailed  him  ants .    not  the  strangest  thing  i’ve  seen .  ”

“  these  look  like  passwords .  ”

“  ouch !  ”

“  little  fucker  bit  me .  ”

“  black  ants  don’t  bite .  ”

“  motherfucker !    motherfuckfuckfuck -  ”

“  they’re  all  over  me !    jesus !  ”

“  not  there !    not  there !  ”

“  water !    water !  ”

“  goddammit !    make  room !    i’m  coming  in !  ”

“  fuck  this !  ”

“  it’s  not  working !  ”

“  we  need  fire !  ”

“  take  your  fucking  clothes  off !  ”

“  now  do  me !  ”

“  got  anything  i  could  wear ?  ”

“  nope .  ”

“  what  the  fuck  am  i  gonna  do ?  ”

“  hey ,    that’s  the  same  homeless  guy .  ”

“  that’s  not  possible .  ”

“  i’m  sure  it’s  him .    he’s  following  us .  ”

“  hey !    stop !  ”

“  where’d  you  go  ...   ?  ”

“  you  work  for  _____  ,    don’t  you ?  ”

“  ...    who  are  you ?  ”

“  i  believe  you’ve  heard  of  me .  ”

“  you’ve  been  following  us .  ”

“  what’s  your  name ?  ”

“  yes .    i’ve  been  watching  you .  ”

“  you’ve  got  something  most  running  dog  mercenaries  don’t .  ”

“  i’m  not  a  mercenary .  ”

“  you’ve  got  shame .   you  know  what  you’re  doing  is  wrong .  ”

“  it’s  a  job .  ”

“  but  you’re  somebody  who’d  chase  after  me  ,    despite  the  fact  that  you’re  injured  and  naked .    who  does  that ?  ”

“  ...    i  can’t  stand  not  knowing .  ”

“  tell  me  your  name .  ”

“  i’ve  read  your  files  ,    _____ .  ”

“  six  years  ago  you  leaked  company  files  and  vanished .  ”

“  been  off  the  map  ever  since  ,    encouraging  other  whistleblowers .  ”

“  you’re  trying  to  destroy  _____ .  ”

“  of  course  i  am .  ”

“  they’re  evil .    you  work  for  the  devil .  ”

“  you’re  protecting  _____ ?  ”

“  you’ll  never  find  him .  ”

“  i  couldn’t  tell  you  if  i  knew .  ”

“  willful  ignorance .    i  remember  that .    almost  let  me  sleep  some  nights .  ”

“  how  do  you  sleep ?  ”  

“  how  do  you  justify  working  for  people  you  know  are  evil ?   ”

“  _____  was  a  pebble  in  a  pond .  ”

“  that  is  where  the  real  sickness  spreads .  ”

“  those  are  coordinates .  ”

“  if  you  cannot  look  at  what’s  there  and  not  eat  yourself  hollow  with  shame  ,    you’re  not  human  anymore .  ”

“  i  need  your  help .  ”

“  i  need  somebody  still  inside  _____ .  ”

“  i’m  not  asking  ,    i’m  telling  you .   you’re  going  to  help  me .  ”

“  ...    i  have  to  do  my  job .  ”

“  what  are  you  ...    the  fuck ?!  ”

“  freeze !    i  said  freeze  ,    motherfucker !  ”

“  i’m  leaving .  ”

“  please  don’t  make  me  hurt  you .  ”

“  he’s  ...    a  monster .  ”

“  what  was  he  shoving  in  your  face ?  ”

“  fucked  if  i  know .  ”

“  let’s  get  you  some  clothes  before  i  get  too  turned  on .  ”

“  dental  records .   my  identification .   he  wasn’t  done  with  me .  ”

“  and  we  weren’t  done  with  him .  ”

“  this  make  any  kind  of  sense  to  you ?  ”

“  nothing  i  feel  good  about .  ”

“  but  at  least  it  closes  the  books  for  now .  ”

“  the  evidence  couldn’t  get  any  more  thoroughly  destroyed .  ”

“  there  is  one  more  thing .  ”

“  nothing  i  know  of .  ”

“  i  wouldn’t  put  too  much  faith  in  anything  i  heard  from  an  animated  pile  of  maggots .  ”

“  maybe  we  should  check  it  out .  ”

“  nah  ,    leave  it  alone .  ”

“  you  should  get  home  ,    spend  some  time  with  your  daughter  ...    make  sure  she  doesn’t  grow  up  to  be  somebody  like  me .  ”

“  he  ain’t  gonna  let  us  get  away .  ”

“  every  step  we  take  ,    the  less  power  he  got .  ”

“  we’ll  get  to  the  wicked  part  of  the  world  ,    and  god  hisself  ain’t  even  gonna  be  able  to  find  us .  ”

“  do  you  know  if  yeshua - ha  nostri  was  a  real  person ?   like  ,    in  the  bible ?  ”

“  never  heard  of  him .  ”

“  when’s  that  book  report  due ?  ”

“  you’re  getting  an  early  jump .  ”

“  figured  i’d  be  too  beat  to  work  on  wednesday .  ”

“  you  didn’t  touch  your  dinner .  ”

“  i  wasn’t  hungry .   it’s  not  like  i  need  the  extra  calories .  ”

“  _____  ,    honey  ,    that’s  crazy .  ”

“  you’re  a  string  bean .    a  beautiful  string  bean .  ”

“  shut  up  ,    _____  ,    god  ...    ”

“  there’s  somebody  messing  with  our  mailbox .  ”

“  your  daughter  is  connected .  ”

“  my  partner  and  i  had  agreed  not  to  investigate .  ”

“  turns  out  i  was  lying .  ”

“  i  hear  you  now .    where  are  you ?    it’s  noisy .  ”

“  sorry  to  interrupt  you  on  a  sunday  ...    ”

“  you’re  not  interrupting  anything .  ”

“  i  was  just  ...    folding  laundry  ,    listening  to  prairie  home  companion .  ”

“  i  don’t  think  i’m  gonna  make  it  into  the  office  tomorrow .  ”

“  i  need  to  spend  some  time  with  _____ .  ”

“  no  worries .    we  all  need  personal  time .  ”

“  fuck  me  ...    no  service !  ”

“  i  guess  the  heat  and  the  sun  got  to  me .  ”

“  heavenly  god .  ”

“  _____ ?    what’s  wrong ?  ”

“  are  they  out  of  hot  chocolate ?  ”

“  multiple  perforations  of  the  intestines  ...    spread  throughout  her  blood  ...    had  to  induce  a  coma  in  order  to  arrest  progress  ...    internal  bleeding  ...  ”  

“  surgery  is  no  longer  an  option .  ”    

“  _____  is  dead .    i’m  so  sorry .  ”

“  aiiee !  ”

“  i’m  so  sorry  honey  ,    i  didn’t  mean  ...  ”

“  we  don’t  want  no  trouble !  ”

“  i’m  just  gon’  take  your  pistol .  ”

“  hey  ,    hey  ,    take  it  easy .    jesus  fucking  christ  ...  ”

“  don’t  you  take  that  name  in  vain !  ”

“  safety’s  on .  ”

“  who’s  the  girl ?  ”

“  jesus  ,    how  pregnant  is  she ?  ”

“  god  have  mercy  on  your  soul .  ”

“  i’m  not  going  to  hurt  you .  ”

“  you  need  helllll  ...    ”

“  mmm - hmm .  ”

“  that’s  all  you  got ?    ‘ mmm - hmm ? ’  ”

“  i  heard  you .   it’s  the  least  crazy  thing  you’ve  told  me  so  far .  ”

“  fair  enough .  ”

“  you  are  in  such  deep  shit .  ”

“  i  know .  ”

“  you  lied  to  me  ,    you  went  off  the  reservation .  ”

“  what  the  fuck  are  you  doing  ,    _____ ?  ”

“  i  fucked  up .  ”

“  don’t  fuck  yourself  any  deeper .    i’m  on  my  way .  ”

“  spill .  ”

“  okay  ,    number  one  ,    you  work  for  _____  ,    not  _____ .  ”

“  number  two  ,    you  don’t  interfere  with  ongoing  experiments .  ”

“  we  only  enter  the  equation  when  the  science  is  done  and  the  side  effects  need  mopping  up .  ”

“  shit  ,    you  don’t  even  know  if  this  is  an  experiment .  ”

“  and  number  three  ,    fuck  you .  ”

“  you  don’t  work  without  me .    we’re  partners  ,    you  stupid  motherfucker .  ”

“  sorr  ...    ”

“  don’t  say  you’re  sorry .    i  hate  that .  ”

“  you  want  the  silver  lining  to  your  shit  show ?  ”

“  you  don’t  suppose  you  brought  me  a  suit ?  ”

“  i  even  brought  you  a  tie .    hope  yellow’s  alright .  ”

“  you  called  it  a  ‘ vision ’ .    not  a  hallucination .  ”

“  it  felt  real .  ”

“  first  rule  in  the  playbook  is  don’t  get  high  on  your  own  product .  ”

“  what  about  brain  injury ?  ”

“  the  scan  must  have  been  corrupted .  ”

“  is  there  more  to  your  testimony ?  ”

“  yes  ,    of  course  ,    excuse  me .    i  was  just  ...    ”

“  could  we  see  those  brain  scans ?  ”

“  they’re  already  off  to  the  lab  ,    but  we  have  copies .  ”

“  evidence  ,    all  of  it .    this  had  become  a  matter  of  containment .  ”

“  we’d  love  to  meet  the  patient .  ”

“  the  little  guy  in  here  has  been  kicking  up  a  storm .  ”

“  is  that  a  tattoo ?  ”

“  a  globe .    no  ,    wheels .    ‘ wheels  within  wheels ’ .    that’s  biblical  ,    from  the  book  of  ...    ezekiel .  ”

“  you  can’t  have  him !    you  can’t .    i’ll  die  before  i’ll  let  you  kill  him .  ”

“  i  seen  the  messenger  and  i  know  i  ain’t  burdened  with  the  enemy .  ”

“  my  blood  is  true  ,    i’ve  sipped  at  the  fountain  and  borne  the  pain  and  marks  of  salvation .   ”

“  you  ain’t  gonna  take  my  baby  ,    you  ain’t  ...    ain’t  ...    ”

“  get  a  doctor !  ”

“  doctor !  ”

“  we  lost  her .    we  need  to  leave  ,    now .  ”

“  she’s  dead  ,    gone .    there  was  nothing  we  could  do .  ”    

“  minimal  footprint .  ”

“  i  realized  too  late  i  was  operating  above  my  security  clearance .  ”

“  are  you  sure  she  was  dead ?  ”

“  yeah  ,    case  closed .  ”

“  it’s  sad .  ”

“  still  ,    i  gotta  get  home .    i  said  i’d  be  there .  ”

“  you’re  a  good  dad  ...    you  always  take  care  of  your  girl .  ”

“  _____ !    you  home ?!  ”

“  you  work  for  us  now .  ”

“  we  didn’t  find  dick .  ”

“  there  we  go  ,    my  child .    every  last  drop  of  salvation .    your  children  are  waiting  for  you  in  heaven .  ”

“  god  does  not  pour  half  measures .  ”

“  the  storm  is  abating .    all  these  undeserved  blessings .  ”

“  he’s  still  not  answering .  ”

“  send  people  to  his  house .  ”

“  they’ve  been  feeding  _____  information .  ”

“  that’s  no  good .  ”

“  i’d  put  my  money  on  _____ .  ”

“  if  we  find  him  ,    i’ll  put  electrodes  on  _____ .  ”

“  how  many  bodies  we  looking  at ?  ”

“  hundreds .    it’ll  take  us  days  to  get  them  all  sorted .  ”

“  lot  of  these  local  corpses  show  signs  of  cyanide  poisoning .  ”

“  god  damn  this  guy’s  heavy  ...    ”

“  that  doesn’t  look  like  cyanide .  ”

“  yeah  ,    a  lot  of  them  got  creative  about  dying .  ”

“  took  a  lot  of  what  killed  her  to  get  the  job  done .  ”

“  last  name  sounds  like  a  crustacean  you’re  not  supposed  to  eat .  ”

“  how  did  you  know ?  ”

“  he  was  supposed  to  be  making  sure  they  didn’t  find  this  place .  ”

“  we  got  one  breathing  here !  ”

“  ‘ and  i  only  am  escaped  alone  to  tell  thee . ’  ”

“  is  that  from  wrath  of  khan ?  ”

“  it’s  actually  book  of  job  ,    by  way  of  moby  ...    ”

“  i  know  what  it  is  ,    you  don’t  have  to  try  and  impress  me .  ”

“  well  ,    holy  shit .  ”

“  his  eyes  are  all  pupil .    completely  catatonic .  ”

“  we  need  to  dig  in  his  head .    don’t  be  gentle .  ”

“  they  rarely  are .  ”

“  there’s  blood  on  the  walls .    looks  like  something  was  written  and  smeared  away .  ”

“  what  do  you  want  to  do ?  ”

“  actually  ,    no .    do  me  a  favor  and  find  his  corpse  ,    because  if  he’s  still  alive  ,    he’s  fucking  dangerous .  ”

“  where’s  _____ ?  ”

“  you’re  asking  the  wrong  question .  ”

“  i’ll  still  help  you  find  the  answer  ,    but  you’ll  need  to  trust  me .  ”

“  dead  ,    twice .  ”

“  how  about  you  just  tell  me  whatever  it  is  you  want  to  tell  me .  ”

“  it’s  not  surprising  religion  would  be  such  an  effective  delivery  mechanism .  ”

“  gods  communicating  with  men  ,    gods  dividing  themselves  into  components  that  men  could  understand .    a  trinity .  ”

“  in  the  name  of  the  father  ...    and  of  the  son  ...    and  of  the  holy  spirit .    amen .  ”

[yikeswtfmate]

I Dare You

previous part // It’s All Fun and Games Series Masterlist // next part

main masterlist

Summary: The gang goes to the beach. Y/N is offered a dare.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: swearing

A/N: am i starting another series without realising it? Because this is definitely in the same AU as Bet? and those are without a doubt the same Bucky and reader  

The sun is rising on the horizon, the air is billowing through cracked windows, and a black car zooms past a blue one, horn pressed down as if announcing the arrival of an army. Natasha can’t be seen but she’s shouting in annoyance, while Sam laughs maniacally and throws his middle fingers up as Steve looks on confused. Peggy giggles on the passenger seat, softly enough not to wake Wanda who’s drooling in her sleep on Vis’ shoulder. Back in the black car, Bucky bats Y/N’s hands away, trying to avoid a goddamn accident because she wouldn’t get off the steering wheel.

“I did not let you ride shotgun so you could press the horn whenever we overtake Steve!” Bucky yells, waving his hand around the space between their seats.

“He drives like an old grandpa. I’ll hit menopause before we get to the beach if he won’t pick up speed.”

“She’s right.” Sam nods gravely, as if imparting a wise secret.

“I’ll drop you both off on the side of the highway if you won’t stop.” Bucky warns, casting a glance in the rear view mirror.

He catches Nat’s eye, who promptly smacks Sam and then Y/N over their heads. With a satisfied grin, she goes back to her book, while the two grumble quietly, too scared of her to overtly complain like the big babies that they are. Last time they dared say anything, she hid their chargers for two days, leaving them to fend for themselves, as all the others were warned not to help beforehand. It all ended in dead batteries, fat crocodile tears from Sam and fake swoons over the couch from Y/N (Bucky did lend Y/N his charger at one point, and although Nat suspected something was amiss when they huddled closer on the armchair, she didn’t say anything).

Bucky watches Y/N finally settling down, grabbing her knees to her chest, contorting her body in the passenger seat until she looks like a spring roll. He hands her over the aux cord, a concession after he yanked it out when she started playing the Baby Shark song half an hour ago. Sam then fidgets in his own seat behind her, snickering at the probably obnoxious playlist she’s put together. He points to various songs, before he lets out a guffaw when Y/N taps on the screen, puts it down and turns to Bucky. He casts them a short glance, enough to see that they’re both watching him with giddy expressions.

“Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!” Y/N shouts in time with the opening line, but Bucky’s disbelieving groan is interrupted by Sam’s own yell.

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!”

“I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!”

Bucky wants nothing more than to bash his head on his steering wheel repeatedly, already regretting his life choices. He should’ve known giving them the aux cord was a mistake, yet he was a fool, trusting Y/N too much, as usual.

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!”

His only hope is Nat, praying she’ll put a stop to it, seeing that she just put down her book. She takes in a deep breath, and Bucky is ready to thank all that’s mighty for her help, when she joins in the what now sounds like screeches.

“I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah!”

He can see Steve in the wing mirror, peacefully driving in what looks like complete silence, or maybe even a nice, smooth song that Peggy’s picked. He can only dream of that level of tranquillity, wondering once more why exactly he agreed on driving the biggest idiots on this face of the planet. He would’ve been able to recall a conversation along the lines of “couples are paired with couples and losers are paired with single losers,” if his brain weren’t knocking around his skull at the moment.

All three of them continue to belch the lyrics, and Bucky wonders if this song has always been five years long. Y/N pokes his cheek, and he puts his hand above her knee, softly squeezing his fingers into her bare flesh, trying to silently beg her to stop. She presses her cheek on his bicep and she hugs his arm, squeezing it tightly to her chest. He’s aware that she continues to sing between fits of laughter, but he’s a bit distracted now that his arm is clutched between her breasts.

“Baby, I can’t drive if you keep my arm in a death grip.” He murmurs, kissing her forehead, eyes still on the road.

Y/N lets go of his arm, when suddenly Steve overtakes them with a prolonged honk. Bucky honks back, and he flips him the bird at the same time Y/N does.

“That fucker, who does he think he is?” Y/N yells.

“Did he wake up from the dead?” Nat snickers, while Sam grumbles something about speed limits and snails.

Wanda’s head pops up, and she seems to be turning in the backseat, intent on fully facing them. She sticks something on the window, something that looks like one of Steve’s drawing notebooks, and all four of them are trying to decipher what is written in big black letters. Nat and Sam huddle between the front seats, Y/N’s face is nearly pressed to the window, and Bucky accelerates a bit until they’re almost bumper to bumper.

You lost your direction there for a sec Bucko

“Couldn’t she have just sent that in the group chat?” Sam groans with a roll of his eyes.

He leans back in his seat, taking out his phone in order to send just that, which results in a wave of messages that only he bothers to reply to. Nat pauses a second more, her gaze following Bucky’s arm that’s still resting on Y/N’s knee, but doesn’t do more than snort before joining in the chatter on the online group.

“Are we there yet?” Y/N asks Bucky, five minutes later.

“We’ve still got two more hours.” Bucky glances at her quickly, enough to pick up on her level of boredom. “There’s a pack of Oreos in the glove compartment.”

She squeals, instantly transforming into a gremlin in search of treasure – or Smaug, Bucky thinks, what with the menacing look she gets when it comes to the prospect of food. He can clearly see the debate turning the wheels in her head: should she share with Nat and Sam or just rationalise her greediness by thinking that they’re too busy with their phones and not wanting to bother them?

She plucks out one cookie from the wrapper, doing her best not to make any noise. Her hands lower in front of her, hiding the packet until it’s tucked neatly between her legs, and with a quick glance behind her for reassurance that those two didn’t hear or notice anything, she proceeds to pop the entire Oreo into her mouth as quickly as possible. Bucky snorts and shakes his head, but next thing he knows, she’s pushing a cookie into his own mouth, still trying to act inconspicuous.

“Why do you have so much junk in there anyway?” She asks a few minutes later, after they’re done with the cookies, jutting her chin out towards the glove compartment.

“Seeing as they’re all yours, I should be the one asking you why you won’t clean my car.”

Y/N pouts, but his reprimand does nothing to stop her from swiftly throwing the empty Oreo wrapper next to the others. Bucky scowls and squeezes her knee again in warning.

“Stop throwing shit in there!”

“It’s already filled with garbage anyway!” She defends, slapping at his hand that wouldn’t give.

“You’re cleaning it when we get there.”

“No, I’m not. It’s your car.”

“Just play one of your stupid games and she’ll do whatever you want.” Nat supplies from the back, not lifting her head from her phone.

“That’s not how it works.” Y/N glowers. “Plus, I don’t always do whatever he wants.”

“Yeah, you do.” Sam chimes in. “He just has to dare you.”

“Oh, look. Wanda and Steve both agreed as well.” Nat laughs.

Y/N crosses her arms, an affronted pout on her face. She looks at Bucky for reinforcement, but he’s just snickering under his breath, eyes still on the road. She slaps his arm, until he has to grab her hands again and place them in her lap – another warning.

“It doesn’t have to be one of ours dares, anyway. We usually accept your dares as well.”

“Fine, then.” Nat immediately jumps on the opportunity with a smirk, placing her phone on the middle seat. “There’s only five bedrooms, right? I dare you two to share a room.”

Sam snickers, furiously typing away on his phone, most definitely relating what is happening word for word on the group chat. The incoming pings signal Wanda’s excitement, while Peggy is doing her best at trying to keep up with what Steve is instructing her to write for him. Bucky and Y/N share a confused short look, before she turns back to Nat, who’s expecting an answer with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean, we were already going to.” Y/N shrugs, unaffected. “Sam snores and you tend to throw punches in your sleep. One time you pushed me off the bed.”

Sam drops his phone and while he’s scrambling to get it from under Y/N’s seat, Nat can only grumble a ‘what’ in response.

“We’ve slept together before, I don’t see why you’d be so surprised.” Bucky offers and Sam drops his phone again.

***

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