#i know most of you are here for spn not trump

[sakarrie-creates]

It’s that time of year! Here’s my 2023 art summary! After two years of having to include non-colored pieces, I finally did enough ‘full’ pieces to fill my art summary template! I did have to get a bit creative with the months since I was able to draw a LOT more during the summer, but I’ll take it! Sorry it's a bit blurry. I'm not sure if that's just for the preview or not, but it was a smaller file than normal and since these reflections are 99% for my own interest, I decided it wasn't worth trying to change.

As usual, I got rambly so reflection questions are answered under the cut. The template I used is available here in case anyone else wants to make their own! My fic summary will be coming in a week or so, so stay tuned for the stats and round-up there. :)

What events did you participate in (with art)? Player Appreciation Week, Fandom Trumps Hate, Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), Weird People (Editing), SPN Comfortably Queer Zine (dropped), and lots of zine applications for page artist, merch artist, comic artist, and spot artist roles!

What was your biggest challenge this year? While time, like last year, was still a challenge, I think my biggest challenge was a mix of low motivation and an intense perfectionistic mindset. At the start of the year, I got super into TOH and was super hyped about all the zines with apps opening. I really REALLY wanted to get into them and figured I should apply for art too just cause it would increase my overall chances of getting in. After the finale, I did a screenshot redraw that ended up being absolutely fantastic for where my skill level is. I went deeper into rendering than ever before, and somehow it worked for me. 

That probably was the start of my unreasonably high expectations, and I got it into my head that maybe if I could make a whole portfolio of artwork at that quality level, I actually stood a chance at getting into a zine as an artist. From then on, I was hardcore crash-coursing perspective, rendering techniques, and generally trying to improve without allowing room for mistakes. While I do think it helped me grow a lot, it burnt me out so I struggled to work on stuff past summary (when all the zine apps were) and even dropped from the SPN Comfortably Queer Zine cause my imposter syndrome was so strong. (Though that was also partially because it was a ‘sign-up and you’re in’ zine, so they never saw my art during the application process and had no way of knowing if I was good enough.

What was something you were surprised by? I’m pretty sure I discovered the perspective tool is CSP this year! CSP has so many tools I’m not aware of (despite watching tons of tutorials and guides), so it wasn’t super surprising but it was nice. I have to say, they’re a serious hassle to work with and require a higher understanding of vanishing points and such than I currently have, but I could see it being very useful for future scene art pieces.

Did you try anything new this year?

Yes! This year I kicked down the door to the merch world and have been collecting and designing throughout the year. Though the designs have mostly just been for zine app portfolio’s, everything has worked out really well for me and I hope to produce charms for my collection as I improve my skills. Where do you think you most improved? Definitely my confidence in rendering! And probably my rendering itself too. I did a ton more pieces with it this year and it’s definitely a favorite part of the art process for me. I think I’ll have a lot more fun with it this year too, since I’m trying to keep it lower pressure, so I can experiment more to find out what brushes and styles I like most. What are you most proud of? I think I’m most proud of how ambitious I was with my zine apps. Though I didn’t get into any for art and it burned me out a fair bit, I did a lot of hard work and made pieces I can be mostly happy with. As for specific pieces, I’m very proud of my animatic clip for the Dear Fellow Traveler MAP (which is what the Belos art from the summary is from). My portion was about 5 seconds with 24 fully colored and shaded frames. A few of those were moving frames too, so the end result is the closest thing to actual animation I’ve done. I also really like the rendering on the Huntlow Epilogue art and generally how the Steve&Matt hug turned out.

How’d this year compare to your 2023 goals? I honestly couldn’t remember what my goals were, but all things considered, I didn’t do too bad! Thankfully past-Sakarrie was wise and made it a bullet list so I can just check things off. Met: -Player Appreciation Week -Add to zine portfolio -Apply to at least one zine as an artist (fine if don’t get accepted) -Keep experimenting with backgrounds and shading -Pull out some old WIPs -Build more consistency of style

The checked off ones I definitely met, so good for me! This was a very zine-focused year, so I way exceeded those goals. The last two I did do, but they’re a bit subjective. Specifically, I think the ‘WIPs’ I was referring to were old sketches, but most of the old WIPs I revisited were already colored and I was either adding rendered or cleaning them up for zine usage. As for style, I’m REALLY bad at telling haha. That said, my characters seem reasonably similar when I draw them, so I’m going to tentatively count it. Kinda: -One fully colored piece per month

I’m gonna give myself a half check on this one. I didn’t have a fully colored piece every month, but I did have over 12 fully rendered pieces in the end, several of which had backgrounds. So while I didn’t meet the letter of the goal, I feel like I met the spirit of it.

Did Not Meet: -Finish Huntlow comic -30 minutes animatic digitalize rough draft -Maybe make some fanart of my favorite fics

These don’t shock me. They’re all personal projects and this was a very external-goal-driven year for me. The Huntlow comic is a big love of mine but it’s definitely ambitious for where my skill is. I’ve got the whole thing messy-sketched and most of it has been clean sketched, but the jump from that to lineart is gonna be hard, and I have no idea what I’d be doing with color since the panels don’t have a background. That said, I do feel like it’s some solid work and I adore the angst vibe of it, so maybe I’ll get it done one day. I could also see myself posting it as a messy lineart comic so that others could enjoy the concept being executed in case it never gets finished.

As for the 30 Minutes animatic, I still 100% intend to complete it eventually. I love the way it fits to the music and I’m so proud of the thumbnails. Even if it never becomes a full animatic, I want to digitize the frames and line it up with music so I can share the concept I see in my mind with others. My brain was somewhat overtaken suddenly by TOH this year, so now that that’s settled and I’m hoping to follow my muse more this year, maybe this will be something I can get excited about again.

The fanart for favorite fics is no surprise since it’s kinda the tack on. With low motivation and projects with deadlines that needed my focus, personal art like this was buried way below other priorities. It’s a nice though for sure though.

Alrighty then, now it’s time for 2024 goals!! Oh goodness, I really don’t know what to expect of myself. I definitely am going to try to allow for more personal projects with lower pressure, but I do still have some goals. Hopefully most can be accomplished without applying big pressure though.

2024 Goals:

-Number One Priority: Create for my and don’t put myself in a place to get crazy burnt out and still have requirements. If I meet this goal, then it’s okay if I don’t meet any of the others. (It would be sad.... But I would still count it as meeting overall goals.) -Participate in Summergen and PAW Week (Art or Fic) -Design Handplates charm as anniversary gift (November) -Design CS Charm -Have a fully usable Zine Portfolio (Currently need more merch samples and rendered pieces with backgrounds) -Apply to new TOH Zines or other loved fandom zines. If I end up getting into any, I can pull back, but since that doesn’t seem likely, I want to get into the habit of always being ready to apply with what I have. -Make an ongoing project list to pin to my tumblr. This applies mostly for fics, but that way people coming to my page can see what fandoms I’m actively creating for and what they can look forward to (as well as have an opening to ask questions if they’re interested). -Post more (at least 10 times throughout the year) and add my best pieces to instagram (8+ pieces by end of year). -Do ONE of the following:     1. 30 minutes digitized so it can be shared with music      2. Open Up Your Eyes fully thumbnail      3. Fanworks for other people’s fics      4. Participate in an extra bang or exchange with art      5. Design and manufacture a pin -Play with different brushes and rendering styles -Draw something from scratch every month, no matter how small -Not exactly art, but I want to have a finalized long-term merch display plan for all my items Overall, how’d the year go? I think I did well! I didn’t meet all my goals and I pushed myself too far, but I learned and improved a LOT this year. All things considered, I made pieces that last year me would be blown away by, so I think that’s an automatic win. I’m pretty uncertain on how this next year will go (even more so than last year, which is surprising since I was changing schools last year), but I’m hoping to enjoy what I do and create art semi-regularly. Here’s to 2024!

[nixthemagicdragon]

intro to me

realized I don't have one and I'm bored so here you go:

nix/skittles (skittles is a nickname but y'all can use it) (named for my obsession with skittles)

MINOR (15)

genderfluid (any pronouns work but preferably either he/they or they/them or neo pronouns) (occasionally fine with she/her pronouns but its pretty rare tbh)

bisexual omniromantic arospec/aroflux (questioning polyromantic)

self dx audhd

sorta diagnosed bpd???

punk (still lowkey a newbie tho)

DNI

porno blogs, terfs, homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, mysogynistic, ableist, trump supporters

basically anybody who discriminates or is a bigot

i think you get the point...

|| IMPORTANT ||

I do regress (involuntary), but my blog is not completely sfw. I may reblog stuff not entirely safe for littles, whether that may be content including swearing, or allusions to nsfw content. There shouldn't be anything outright nsfw, but tread carefully in case I'm wrong. I do try to include necessary content/trigger warnings in the tags of my post but if I missed anything, dm me or comment under the post.

MORE INFO UNDER THE CUT (HYPERFICATIONS/SPECIAL INTERESTS, COMFORT CHARACTERS,USERBOXES, ETC.)

Interests/Hyperfixations/Special Interests

The boring stuff:

english grammar, autism, disorders, mental illnesses, personality disorders, psychology in general, READING

The fun stuff (in order):

SPN

Criminal Minds

my collection of stuffies (note to self: post pictures of my stuffies - they need to be admired)

Spiderverse

Harry Potter

Writing my own poetry (specifically slam poems) (If you want to read them, dm me pls!)

MCU

PJO/HOO (TOA did not happen in my mind)

MLB

Six of Crows

The Sunbearer Trials

Heartbreak High

Heartstopper

Agatha All Along

Comfort Characters:

(no order but the higher up = more importance)

Dean Winchester

Spencer Reid

Regulus Black

my main oc Axel (i'll make a post abt him later - probably)

Nico Di Angelo

Tori Spring

Kaz Brekker

Quinni Gallagher-Jones

Evan "Buck" Buckley

Mickey Milkovich

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley (book Ron)

Fred Weasley

Bill Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Draco Malfoy

Anthony "Ant" Vaughn

Teo (TSBT)

OTHER SHIT

dm if you wanna be mutuals/friends

friends are always appreciated

asks are always appreciated

feel free to tag me in posts

online friends are family

I'll always be here to listen or if you just want to rant or info dump.

Userboxes and blinkies:

None of these are mine (found most of them from @the-fag-with-the-swag and @loverboybreakdowns) (if you know whose it belongs to, dm or comment pls)

[autisticarachnid]

Introduction to me and my MCs

Hello and welcome to my blog ! I go by the names Salem and Spider- feel free to use either. I am an autistic 22 year old lesbian from Florida, and I use they/them pronouns. I’m also chronically ill, I have ARFID & I am an ambulatory wheelchair user. :)

Basic Blog Info:

- My main interest here is Hogwarts Mystery.

- Some of my secondary interests you might see include Phasmophobia, Venom, Stardew Valley, Criminal Minds, TOH, ATLA/TLOK, Fnaf and horror, among smaller things.

- I’m also a metalhead and a goth. If you like Babymetal, Delilah Bon, Bloodywood, The Bridge City Sinners, Nickelback, Lesbian Bed Death, Vision Video, Korn or Artio, be my friend please 🙏🙏

- I have a taleblr specific blog, @allabouttaleblr

- I have adhd and autism. I will talk and ramble a lot, so be warned

- Due to my ADHD and Autism, I have significant trouble with social cues, sarcasm, joking and being teased (please, only tease me if we are very close friends, and even so, I have boundaries about that). I also may say or do things without realizing, so if I ever say or do anything that makes you uncomfy, PLEASE lemme know 🙏🙏🙏🙏

- I’m always open to new friends so please dm me ! I’ll respond

- I do occasionally post/rb nsfw content. i will always tag it (call me out if i don’t) but if that will make u way too uncomfy, you’re free to leave ^^ /lh /gen

- I generally classify myself as an anti but I’m not going to argue over it. If you’re proship or argumentative, I’m just gonna block you. I’m here to vibe and have fun.

- I will also happily block anyone who tries to bring drama or ableism onto my page, or disrespects any boundaries ❤️

My lil DNI, just in case:

- Racists, bigots, transphobes, homophobes, trump supporters, TERFS, etc. spn fans (no hate against y’all /gen but I have trauma from the show and fandom). M*rk P*ll*grino fans/supporters (that man got me fucked up). pro-shippers. jordan/isaac frye supporters. JKR SUPPORTERS. ppl who go out of their way to cause and start drama. ppl who make mocking jokes about florida or the south.

As for my fellow HPHM fans, the following is an introduction to my MCs and the characters in my friends and I’s HPHM AU. Some of the MCs below are not my own but belong to my friends, and I will distinguish them as such. If you would like to make your MC a friend to any of my MCs, feel free to send me an ask !

Salem Jordan: My first and main MC, Salem Jordan is a lesbian, agender metamorphmagus from Galway, Ireland. They moved to Dublin, Ireland at age 9. They were sorted into Hufflepuff, and they’re the half brother of our AU’s Jacob, Jacob Dyer. Salem ends up with Merula Snyde, and becomes a magizoologist at first, before eventually switching to become the new COMC professor after Hagrid’s retirement in 2011. They and Merula settle in Dublin and have three children together. 

- Personality: Salem is an INFP-T, with a 2w1/4w5 enneagram. They’re a virgo sorted into Hufflepuff. Salem is kind, thoughtful, intelligent, creative, open-minded, stubborn, loyal, friendly, supportive, talkative and analytical. Salem is an autistic introvert, which may come as a surprise considering Salem is very talkative and excitable once they feel close to someone. Salem has autism and ADHD and uses they/them/xe pronouns, and they are always happy to make a new friend. Salem is a planner through and through, loving to plan fun activities and days out for their friends. When not in class,  Salem spends most of their time hanging out with friends, listening to music or tending to the animals in the creature reserve. They identify with the punk/alternative/goth scene, usually dressing in very alternative/punk/gothic clothing. Salem especially loves befriending those who are into creatures, alternative/punk fashion or rock/metal/punk/goth music, and also have ADHD and/or autism. They get along best with those who also like talking about their interests and are unashamedly weird. 

- Likes: Salem likes creatures, winter, cold weather, snow, punk music, alternative music, metal music, rock music, goth music, emo music, the color black, cats, reptiles, art, sculptures, sweet things, soda, history, rollercoasters and horror movies. Best classes are COMC, Charms and History of Magic, Closest friends are Rowan, Tonks, Badeea, Chiara and Barnaby.

- Dislikes: Salem dislikes hot weather, bullies, Snape, judgemental people, being judged, most food, steak, seafood, being touched suddenly or without permission, most sitcoms, being late and strobing lights. Worst class is Potions (but they don’t necessarily hate the subject itself, their dislike stems from Snape). They don’t usually get along well with overly loud/obnoxious people, or those who don’t respect personal/physical boundaries. 

- Misc: Salem has Autism, ADHD, Clinical Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, ARFID, anxiety and later on, PTSD. They are an insanely picky eater (it’s way easier for them to list off what they won’t eat than what they will eat), mainly due to sensory issues from their autism. They’re an atheist, but they don’t really care what religion someone is, as long as it’s not being used to harm others. Salem has a Horse animagus & patronus. Being a metamorphmagus, they always have their hair some bright color- but it’s also always incredibly short. Their hair never goes more than two inches below their chin. They’re a legilimens, but not a super powerful one. They have a number of physical tics, such as rolling their eyes a lot, twirling while walking and pausing randomly while talking. Salem is usually pretty anti-authority and leans towards being very individualistic. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/703506663794245632/salem-in-october-1989-with-their-second-ball?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/669310537788719104/finally-drew-up-a-proper-ref-sheet-for-salem?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/711622813002383360/salem-merula-just-before-one-of-merulas-band?source=share

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Thalia Dyer: Thalia Dyer is the main MC of the AU, and the full sister of Jacob Dyer. Thalia is a bisexual half-blood witch and an eighth veela, with her mother being from the famous pureblood Carraro family and the granddaughter of the famed and esteemed Lucia Carraro. Thalia is from Porthcawl, Wales, has three (full) siblings total (older brother Jacob, older sister Cassandra, little sister Rhian), and eventually becomes a famous quidditch player for the Wigtown Wanderers. Thalia ends up with Talbott Winger, settling with him in Edinburgh, Scotland along with their three children. She uses she/they pronouns.

- Personality: Thalia is an ENFP-T, with a 3w2 Enneagram with strong influences from types 7 and 8. She’s a Scorpio sorted into Gryffindor. Thalia is an extrovert with a very strong ‘hero’ personality. She is brave, daring, passionate, courageous and energetic, always feverently standing up for what she believes is right. This can lead to somewhat reckless and impulsive behavior, but Thalia puts others safety and justice above all, pursuing the just, moral path to the ends of the earth. They’re outgoing and very friendly, and love to make new friends. She’s energetic and active, preferring physical activities such as playing quidditch or exploring. She’s a go go go type of person, rarely sitting still or staying in one place. If she’s not doing something, she’ll find something. They’re steadfast and eternally loyal to their friends and their beliefs, and isn’t afraid to fight anyone. She has a cheerful air to her, and is often happy or good at making others laugh. They tend to get along best with other outgoing, energetic people. She loves befriending those also into quidditch, duelling and other exciting things, but they must have a strong moral compass as well. 

- Likes: Thalia likes quidditch, fast paced things, action/horror movies, duelling, flying, birds, rock music, alternative music, the color red, leather or jean jackets, warm weather, cold weather, the season Fall, exciting things, cats, dogs, italian food, greek food, savory foods and rollercoasters. Best classes are DADA, Charms and Flying. Closest friends are Bill, Skye, Murphy, Charlie, Talbott and Tonks. 

- Dislikes: Thalia dislikes bullies, potions class, Snape, immoral people, people who take advantage of others, freezing cold weather, boring things, super spicy foods, foods with a leathery or gooey texture, bland food and injustice. Worst classes are Potions and History of Magic. She does not get along well with selfish or obnoxious people, or those who insert themselves into others business. She can befriend people who are much slower paced and prefer staying indoors and reading/knitting/studying, but doesn’t usually. 

- Misc: Thalia is an eighth veela, meaning she’s insanely attractive. She has Autism, ADHD, Anxiety and Clinical Depression, and develops PTSD after the fifth year vault. They identify as a demigirl in terms of gender, but most often just uses the term nonbinary. They also thoroughly enjoy putting their hair up and experimenting with hairstyles. They’re a considerably powerful legilimens. They become quidditch captain of the Gryffindor team from fifth year to seventh year, and has remained one of the better captains in the 20th century.

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/719806216667348992/judgy-thalia-her-brothers-shirt?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/714346812621881344/thalia-dyer-circa-1994?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/699179902296014848/today-is-the-birthday-of-my-beloved-mc-thalia?source=share

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Loki Colosa: My friend Rudy’s MC, Loki is a trans, bisexual polyamorous Welsh-Mexican werewolf with no relation to Jacob Dyer. Loki was born in Cardiff, Wales to a Mexican family, and came out as a trans woman shortly before her Hogwarts years. Loki is short with green hair and numerous scars, including on her face. She initially pursues a career as a dragonologist, before forming a punk-rock/metal band with Ismelda Murk and Merula Snyde in 1999. Loki ends up with both Jae Kim and Chiara Lobosca in a polyamorous relationship, and the three settle down in Cardiff, Wales with four children. 

- Personality: Loki is an ENFP-A, with a 7w8 Enneagram. She’s a Pisces sorted into Slytherin. She’s quite a wild card in her personality, and is known to get into full on fist-fights without a second thought. She’s fiercely loyal and very protective, and is actually so fearsome that very few people, if any, will willingly fight her. However, Loki is also incredibly intelligent, extroverted, energetic, confident and street smart. She’s good with animals and is a great friend, eager to protect those she cares about. She likes to play insult or bicker with people, but simultaneously knows to not push someone’s boundaries (ex. she will play insult a friend unless they’re genuinely upset, at which point she will become much gentler). She’s chaotic and friendly and wild, but overall a very good friend and an incredibly strong, determined ally. She gets along great with other outgoing people, and those also into quidditch, dragons, punk music and punk fashion. She most often befriends those with a good sense of humor, a chaotic nature and ability to hold long conversations. 

- Likes: Loki likes punk music, rock music, the color green, alternative music, punk fashion, stars, animals, raining, cooking, listening to birds, bird watching, hair dye, makeup, making fun of Ben Copper, DADA, quidditch, COMC, dragons, dangerous creatures and metal music. Best classes are DADA and COMC. Closest friends are Jae, Chiara, Tonks, Tulip and Bill. 

- Dislikes: Loki dislikes hiking, long car rides, sand, crowds, chickens, ice, history, fishing, air planes, bowling, Ben Copper, history of magic class, boring things, stuck-up people and bigots. Worst classes are History of Magic and Astronomy. She does not get along with people who are in any way bigoted, stuck up, purposefully ignorant or blatantly hypocritical (and she will absolutely deck them in the face, too). 

- Misc: Loki is a werewolf, and was bitten as a child. However, she doesn’t outright fear the moon; she somewhat embraces her werewolf identity, though she is afraid of hurting people unintentionally. She has the mindset of ‘I’m already a werewolf, I ought not to hate myself for something out of my control’. She has four younger half siblings- three muggles, and one a wizard. She plays the drums in her band. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/724599764196442112/shes-angry?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/723514529329315840/drew-the-best-girl-ever-again?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/701394776046616576/finally-drew-one-of-my-favorite-girls-again?source=share

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3YdUvZiF6VBYpA4nuDVYP2?si=GUrpElL1SV2DJIILPyKvZw&nd=1

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Samara Graham: Samara is my main slytherin MC and the paternal cousin of Jacob Dyer and Thalia Dyer. Samara was born in Aberdeen, Scotland to a neglectful, workaholic Scottish muggle father and doting, history-obsessed Welsh half-blood mother. When Samara was 7, her little brother Arran was born. Samara is genderfluid and uses they/she/he pronouns. Samara tends to keep to themself, usually helping out the curse squad in terms of research rather than going into the vaults. Samara is incredibly intelligent, being the top Slytherin student in his year, and frequently being one of the top performing students in the school overall. Samara ends up with Rowan (fem) and briefly works as an archivist before becoming the Transfigurations professor after McGonagall becomes headmistress. Samara has three children with Rowan and the two live in Hogsmeade. 

- Personality: Samara is an INTJ-T, with a 5w6 Enneagram. They’re a Taurus sorted into Slytherin. Samara has a very naturally reserved, calm and collected personality. While Samara is shy, he doesn’t really dislike people; she just prefers to be on their own. Samara will happily hold a conversation with someone on any topic that interests them. Samara is also incredibly bookish, with a never-ending thirst for knowledge. Samara is almost always either studying or reading a book. They have a deep-seated interest in figuring out spells, and even ends up inventing a few of their own. While Samara is notably friendly and fair, she can be a tad overcritical- though, this criticism is almost always directed at himself and not others. Samara is always looking for new things to learn and new problems to solve, and rarely ever loses her cool or gets angry. Samara gets along best with those who are also intelligently-minded and like reading, music, nature and/or studying. He also often befriends those who understand his need for isolation sometimes and immediately respect it.

- Likes: Samara likes instrumental music, books, reading, libraries, rainy days, quiet, piano music, playing the piano, playing the violin, violin music, history, historical places, dark/muted colors, winter, gardens, cold weather, nature, storms, keeping busy, studying, academia fashion, solving things, sweaters, loose clothing, brown clothes and wandering. Best classes are History of Magic, Transfigurations and Charms. Closest friends are Rowan, Badeea, Chiara and Ismelda.  

- Dislikes: Samara dislikes loud noises, hot weather, falling, overly sunny days, being bored, not being able to learn, obnoxious people, overly bright colors, blatant rudeness and flying. Worst class is Flying. They don’t usually get along well with loud and super lively people, but they can. He doesn’t get along at all with purposefully ignorant people, workaholics or those who cast others out without reason. 

- Misc: Samara is generally emotionally distant, and can have a hard time expressing or admitting her emotions. They grew up with a neglectful, workaholic father who was never there and left their life permanently when Samara wasn’t even 15, and a mother who was genuinely caring, but often also away at work. Samara spent the first seven years of his life very alone, and so they learned to adapt to solitude. While Samara can definitely be emotional at times, they almost always have a careful, stoic façade up. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/717221031334543360/today-is-the-birthday-of-one-of-my-most-beloved?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/712189300427587584/samara-graham-circa-1988-reading?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/703506166554279936/a-portrait-of-my-lovely-mc-samara-graham?source=share

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Isla Lyall: Isla (Eye-luh) Lyall is one of Jacob and Thalia Dyer’s maternal cousins. Born to a pureblood, 1/4 veela mother and muggleborn father in Glasgow, Scotland, Isla is the younger of twin girls. Isla uses she/they pronouns and has curly, bright red hair and a personality to match. She’s one of the more involved figured in the vaults, and dreams of becoming a cursebreaker. She ends up with my friend’s MC Oliver Adams, and works as a cursebreaker for years before retiring early to work at Oliver’s bakery instead. She and Oliver end up with four children- triplet girls and a son- and continue to live happily in Dublin. 

- Personality: Isla is an ESFP-A with a 7w6 enneagram. She’s a Gemini sorted into Ravenclaw. Isla has a very creative, driven and playful personality. She’s naturally quite intelligent, sharp, quick witted and resourceful, but she’s also outgoing, talkative and enthusiastic. They’re light on their feet and talented at quidditch, but she also is very talented at painting and sewing. They’re quite inventive too, often painting their own clothing and even making their own outfits at times. She’s adventurous, curious and energetic, and is always doing something. They’re a genuinely fun loving person with a good sense of humor and a slight mischievous streak- though not as much as their twin, Vera. Isla best gets along with those who are also talkative, adventurous, creative and/or good-humored. They tend to befriend those who are just as fun-loving as them, or just as into creating things. 

- Likes: Isla likes stars, space, dogs, quidditch, astronomy, astrology, adventuring, exploring, duelling, gelato, playing quidditch, sweets, sewing, painting, art, diy-ing clothing, sweaters, being outdoors, sunny days, rainy days and baking. Best classes are Astronomy and Charms. Closest friends are Andre, Tulip, Tonks, Badeea and Murphy. 

- Dislikes: Isla dislikes boring things, being bored, overly spicy food, bitter food, loud thunderstorms, obnoxious people, people who brag, judgmental people, people who don’t appreciate art, overly hot days and freezing weather. Worst class is Potions. They do not get along well with people who are slower-paced, don’t appreciate art or judge others. 

- Misc: Isla is an eighth veela like her cousins, and is incredibly attractive as a result. She has ADHD and doesn’t use sexuality labels, but she is definitely not straight. She doesn’t appreciate being told what to do. She’s a seer along with her twin sister, but neither are very powerful. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/718849944045420544/today-is-the-birthday-of-none-other-than-the-lyall?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/686403090412339200/and-for-day-7-we-have-the-lovely-isla-lyall-with?source=share

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Vera Lyall: Vera Lyall is the older twin sister of Isla Lyall, and a maternal cousin of Thalia and Jacob Dyer. She was born to a pureblood, 1/4 veela mother and a muggleborn father in Glasgow, Scotland. She later gains a younger brother, Athan, and a younger sister, Evanthia. Vera mainly uses she/her pronouns, but likes to be occasionally referred to with they/them pronouns. She’s just as involved in the vaults as her twin, and while she initially wanted to become an auror, they ended up becoming a cursebreaker instead. She marries Badeea Ali and the two settle in Glasgow with their three children. 

- Personality: Vera is an ESFP-A like her twin, but with a 3w2 enneagram. She’s a Gemini sorted into Gryffindor. Similar to her twin sister, Vera is considerably intelligent, sharp, quick-witted, outgoing, resourceful, energetic, adventurous and good-humored. She’s also skilled with her hands like Isla, often painting her clothes and making an outfit or two from scratch. She’s just as active, inventive and resourceful as well. However, the main difference is Vera is surprisingly sarcastic- she loves teasing her friends and pulling pranks. She’s the most sarcastic around Oliver, whom she’s best friends with and loves teasing and poking fun at. Vera gives off an air of classiness with her well styled fashion sense, white-blond hair and makeup, but she can also be quite brash and does not at all mind getting her hands (and clothes) dirty. She gets along best with others who are outgoing, active, adventurous and fun-loving. She also, of course, gets along great with those who share a love of mischief and pranks and can handle a bantering friendship with lots of joking and teasing.

- Likes: Vera likes the moon, dogs, quidditch, playing quidditch, being outdoors, exploring, moon clothing and decorations, keeping busy, duelling, sunny days, swimming, painting, sewing, diy-ing clothing, stylish clothes, small dogs, divination, greek food, gelato, pulling pranks and teasing Oliver. Best classes are Flying, Divination, DADA and Astronomy. Closest friends are Tulip, Tonks, Jae and Penny. 

- Dislikes: Vera dislikes boring things, bullies, people who don’t appreciate art, having nothing to do, showy/braggy people, judgmental people, bitter food, freezing weather and overly hot days. Worst classes are Potions and History of Magic. She doesn’t get along well with slower-paced people, people who judge based on appearance and those who take things too seriously. 

- Misc: Vera is an eighth veela, and is insanely attractive as a result. She identifies as a lesbian and has ADHD. She, like her twin, is a seer, but not a very powerful one. She is a big fan of teasing/bantering with friends, but only with certain ones who don’t mind or actually like such things. She has a very strong-headed, demanding side who won’t allow anyone to tell her what to do. She’s overall a person with a big presence. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/718849944045420544/today-is-the-birthday-of-none-other-than-the-lyall?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/679613888641351680/the-gfs?source=share

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Fallon Byrne: Fallon Byrne is a muggleborn witch and the second youngest of seven children born to a French mother and Northern Irish father. She was born in Downpatrick, Northern Ireland on a property with a large yard that even connected to a small stream, and Fallon spent much of her childhood outside, always running around and playing with her siblings, even though most of her older siblings were several years older than her. She’s actually cishet and uses she/her pronouns. Her older siblings are Shane (13 years older and also a wizard), Lorraine (12 years older, but disowned her family),  Élodie (9 years older), Aisling (7 years older), Juliet (4 years older) and Matthieu (2 years younger). She wanted to become an auror, but she actually quit just two years into the job once she realized how corrupt the justice system could be. She went on to work as a cursebreaker, and she married Diego Caplan, having three children with him. 

- Personality: Fallon is an ENTP-A with a 7w8 Enneagram. She’s a Sagittarius sorted into Ravenclaw. Fallon is intelligent, sharp, quick witted, outgoing, talkative, friendly, stubborn, clever, confident, courageous, daring, adventurous, curious and bold. One of the more surprising aspects of her personality is that she’s insanely individualistic. She constantly challenges people and things around her: the rules, authority, traditions. She challenges the rules and norms a lot because she wants to get a better understanding of them and form her own opinion. She always seeks to be knowledgeable on several topics and such, and she absolutely will not let anyone tell her what to do or believe. She hates the idea of blindly following anything or blindly listening to anyone; she’s firmly of the belief that people should form their own opinions rather than listening to the authority telling them what to think. Her strong sense of individuality also ties in with her adventurous side- she likes to explore things, experience them for herself. She was actually friends with Tulip and Merula during their alliance, and that’s how she got into the cursed vaults in the first place. She, along with Tulip, ended up cutting ties with Merula when things went south, because Fallon does have a strong sense of morality- she defies the norms and expectations because she doesn’t believe they’re always right. She gets along best with those who are also highly individualistic, outspoken, outgoing, friendly, rebellious or adventurous. She most often befriends those with a similar love of either adventure or rulebreaking, and is drawn to those who also have ADHD. 

- Likes: Fallon likes flying, being outdoors, skateboarding, roller skating, ice skating, striped shirts, adventuring, learning, DADA, quidditch, Enya, ABBA, upbeat music, dogs, duelling, irish music and french music. Best classes are DADA and Flying. Closest friends are Tulip, Diego, Tonks and Andre. 

- Dislikes: Fallon dislikes overly hot or cold weather, the English (/hj), most classical music, overly spicy foods, bullies, judgmental people, authority figures, blind conformity, super bright clothing, stormy days and ignorant people. Worst classes are Potions and Astronomy. She doesn’t get along well with those who are narrow-minded, purposefully ignorant or judgemental. She also doesn’t usually get along well with those who are overly conforming or blindly follow the rules. 

- Misc: Fallon is half Irish and half French. She’s also religiously and ethnically Jewish, and is very proud in her identity. She is somewhat of a nerd; while she reads a lot to become as knowledgeable as she can, she also hyperfixates on certain topics like music and skating. Whenever she’s not studying, reading or in class, she’s out with friends, skateboarding/rollerskating, or just looking for an adventure. she is not one to sit still, ever. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/720444260962484224/the-girl-again?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/716076882883444737/two-dorks-spotted-on-hogwarts-grounds?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/704077541064966144/today-is-the-birthday-of-my-lovely-oc-fallon?source=share

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Codi Nozawa: Codi Nozawa is a pureblood Japanese-Irish trans witch born and raised in Dublin, Ireland. Her father is William Nozawa, a Japanese man born and raised in Ireland, while her mother is Masaki Keneko, a Japanese witch born and raised in Japan. Codi has twin younger siblings: Keiji and Kenna, born in August 1977. Codi is a big fan of herbology and plants, and ends up becoming a herbologist and marries fellow MC, Amaryllis Ferrara. The two end up with a daughter and a son. 

- Personality: Codi is an INFJ-T with a 5w6 enneagram. She’s a cancer sorted into Gryffindor. Codi is courageous, quiet, bookish, intelligent, observant, dutiful, polite, patient, practical, chivalrous and clever. She’s a bookish sort of person with a strong work ethic, and a strong moral code that pushes her to help others out whenever possible. She tends to keep to herself, but she’s by no means unfriendly; she loves talking about herbology and will go on about it for hours. She’s happy to be alone in a corner and to be surrounded by people all talking about herbs. She gets along best with those who are also introverted, autistic and/or share a love of herbology. 

- Likes: Codi likes books, herbs, herbology, plants, reading, studying, gardening, cool weather, warm weather, rainy days, flowers, savory food, sweets, gyoza, curry rice, her parents cooking, libraries, quiet days, muted colors and sweaters. Best classes are Herbology and Charms. Closest friends are Liz and Badeea.  

- Dislikes: Codi dislikes loud noises, crowded spaces, cramped/small spaces, hot weather, overly sunny days, divination class, super bright colors, neon colors, burnt food and rude people. She doesn’t get along well with overly boisterous people or those who boss people around. 

- Misc: Codi is a trans asexual gray-romantic lesbian. She’s a really good cook and often cooks in her downtime; her favorite dishes are gyoza, curry rice, okonomoyaki, sukiyaki, katsudon, tonkatsu and taiyaki. She’s not related to any of the other MCs in any way. She becomes one of the Gryffindor prefects, and ends up becoming head girl as well. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/721381214795218944/today-is-the-birthday-of-the-one-and-only-codi?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/688318588980019200/my-girl-codi-for-day-28-and-her-birthday?source=share

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Amaryllis Ferrara: Amaryllis is a half-blood south asian witch and an only child to a single father. She was originally made by a friend, who has since transferred ownership to me. She was born in the small town of Lizard in the Cornwall region of England, at its southernmost point. Her father, Chadwick Ferrara, is a half blood wizard who has dedicated himself to Amaryllis and giving her the best life possible. She’s fond of potionmaking and ends up becoming a potioneer and marries fellow MC Codi Nozawa. 

- Personality: Amaryllis is an ISFJ-T with a 9w1 enneagram. She’s a Pisces sorted into Gryffindor. Amaryllis is chivalrous, observant, friendly, helpful, pleasant, enthusiastic, idealistic, brave, cheerful, optimistic, hardworking, calm and open minded. Amaryllis is a generally cheerful and friendly person who likes talking to others and helping people out. They enjoy being around people despite their introverted nature, but she also just as much enjoys being in an empty room with a book in her hands. She often busies herself with a small project and is good with their hands. They get along best with those who are friendly but not boisterous, have a good sense of morality and are happy to both go out and do something and stay in for a movie. 

- Likes: Amaryllis likes potions, reading, divinations, savory foods, nihari, meat dishes, rainy days, swimming, the ocean, quiet days, relaxing, sweaters, the color red, winter, spring and spending time with her father. Best classes are Potions and Divinations. Closest friends are Penny and Ben. 

- Dislikes: Amaryllis dislikes hot weather, Snape, intolerant people, spice-less food, muggy/humid days, humidity, horror movies, her mother, judgmental people, being judged, being bored and having nothing to do. They don’t get along with people who are crass, snippy or judgemental. 

- Misc: Amaryllis is South Asian- specifically Pakistani, Indian and Bangladeshi. She was largely raised by her Pakistani father and therefore is mostly in tune with that side of her heritage. She’s physically disabled and walks with a cane. She’s a gifted seer. They have the unique patronus of a Demiguise. They identify as a demigirl and a lesbian, and use she/they pronouns. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/710356217014435840/today-february-26th-is-the-birthday-of-the-one?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/680168649050439680/an-amaryllis-piece-for-my-friend-rijus-birthday?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/674416206974959616/the-gal?source=share

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Blair Clark: Blair is a trans witch born and raised in Edinburgh, Scotland. She has a younger sister, Maisie, and they’re both the half sisters to Jacob Dyer and therefore Thalia and Salem as well. Blair is fond of writing, and ends up becoming a journalist. She marries Tulip Karasu and the two settle in Edinburgh and have two sons. She was originally created by a friend but now belongs to me.

- Personality: Blair is an ESTJ-T with a 6w7 enneagram. She’s an aquarius sorted into Hufflepuff. Blair is kind, stubborn, loyal, clever, sarcastic, intelligent, enthusiastic, friendly, optimistic, caring, curious, sharp, cheerful and level headed. She has a bit of a sarcastic, teasing side with close friends. She’s generally a pretty honest and reliable person who’s happy to help others out. She’s extroverted but not overly outgoing; she’s happy to both spend one-on-one time with someone or be surrounded by people. She gets along best with those who are also generally friendly and chill-going, and especially gets along well with those who like writing and/or will banter along with her. 

-Likes: Blair likes watching quidditch, writing, charms, muggle music, magical creatures, jokes, teasing friends, flying class, the color yellow, sweaters, cold days, winter, fall, coffee with milk, milkshakes, strawberry deserts, roasting marshmallows, baked goods, rainy days and sitting by the fireplace. Best classes are Charms and COMC. Closest friends are Tulip, Andre and Penny. 

- Dislikes: Blair dislikes Snape, tea, making mistakes, most of her family, Filch, stuck up people, extreme weather, hot weather, muggy/humid days, humidity, super loud music, bright neon colors, strobing lights, gore, loud noises and people touching her without permission. Worst classes are Potions and History of Magic. She doesn’t get along well with people who are super boisterous, constantly draw attention to themselves or belittle others. 

- Misc: Blair is a trans demi-lesbian. She can be quite naive and bottles up her emotions a lot. She has ODC, ADHD, anxiety and clinical depression. Blair cut contact with all of her grandparents (excluding her donor’s side) due to them all being very transphobic. She has a good relationship with her mom, but has a slightly more tense relationship with her father; he struggles a lot but does try, and their relationship improves quite a bit as Blair becomes older. She has a few tics caused by her ADHD. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/674752607479316480/today-is-the-birthday-of-this-gal-happy?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/725231003621376000/i-havent-drawn-this-lovely-girl-in-wayyyy-too?source=share

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Danae Adhikari: Danae Adhikari is a half blood, Indian witch born and raised in England. At the age of 8, she was orphaned after her parents were attacked and killed while sleeping in their house. Danae had been staying with her aunt at the time, and was subsequently raised by her cousin. She is bisexual but generally uninterested in romance, and remains single her whole life. She ends up as an archivist in the Ministry. 

- Personality: Danae is an ISTJ-T, with a 5w6 enneagram. She’s a virgo sorted into Slytherin. Danae is quiet, clever, stoic, intelligent, calm, level-headed, apathetic, reserved, independent, analytical, hard-working and responsible. Danae is autistic and struggles heavily with emotions- mainly, she hardly ever feels anything very strongly, or in-depth. This can make her come off as emotionless and uncaring, but she does genuinely like to help people and make an occasional friend. She is understandably, however, very socially inept and tends to stay by herself, as socializing doesn’t often end well for her. She gets along best with other autistic people most, but also tends to get along with other reserved and very introverted people. 

- Likes: Danae likes long sleeves, cool weather, winter, snow, rainy days, stormy days, forests, quiet, libraries, dim/low-light places, loose clothes, tea, warm drinks, hot chocolate, sitting quietly with other people, reading, wandering, spicy food, dal tadka, samosas, spicy foods, savory food, cooking, neutral tones and coffee. Best classes are Charms and Transfigurations. Closest friend is Badeea. 

- Dislikes: Danae dislikes hot weather, summer, sunny days, bright lights, loud noises, loud people, boisterous/obnoxious people, stale food, overly loud music, being disturbed, socializing, parties, slimy things, bright neon colors, strobe lights, being forced to do anything, being forced to socialize, divination and fighting. Worst classes are Divinations and DADA. She doesn’t get along well wiith super extroverted, loud, energetic or boisterous people. 

- Misc: Danae has autism, depression and PTSD. As stated before, they struggle heavily with emotions and rarely feel much of anything. Because of this, Danae is not very emotionally intelligent, and bad at reading the room and recognizing emotions in others. This can make her come off as rude, uncaring or harsh, but she’s truly not; Danae does care for others and likes to help, she’s just naturally very reserved and tends to avoid socializing, due to her poor social skills. Danae is also naturally independent and used to doing things either by herself, or in a very small group, so she does not do well in crowds or with a lot of people. 

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/695740381914136577/today-is-the-birthday-of-the-one-the-only-danae?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/autisticarachnid/682347084833308672/i-just-couldnt-stop-myself-so-i-made-a-new-mc?source=share

[castielcommunism]

I finally rewatched season 12 because of all your love for it, and it's a WILD RIDE. On a meta sense, I cannot understand the politics of it at all. like, we've got the whole, "The President is Satan" angle, which, given the 2016 American primaries and election fiasco... yeah okay (though I'm not sure of the timing of writing episodes, so I'm also kinda like...is this also because people thought Obama was the antichrist because he wanted to help poor people? ANYWAYS). And THEN there is the weird pro-life brainwashing baby son of Satan stuff, which is its own can of worms that I'm still wrapping my head around. And the whole BMOL stuff that is basically like, "bureaucracy is bad" when it should have been saying, "genocide is bad." Would have loved for Sam and Dean to have another moral reckoning with their work that actually had some CHANGES for their behavior... i digress.

but at the same time, I get to see Dean being uncertain and messy with his mom, and Sam getting to take on a leadership role as Dean steps back, and I'm HERE for that stuff. I remember being pretty peeved that they brough Mary back when I watched it live because I was kind of tired of resurrection (shocker) and didn't trust them to do anything meaningful with her story (because spn + women is almost always bad), but on rewatch I like her in season 12 with her questionable decisions and her misplacement in life and her awkward socialization with her sons.

this has been a long message, and I hope you don't mind! Thanks for reading (and for recommending another look at s12).

I’m glad you enjoyed it!! Season 12 is an absolutely insane season lol.

The satan for president shit was almost definitely a Trump thing (I doubt they were responding to right wing racism aimed at Obama, especially given that the president character in spn was a white Republican). spn’s politics become much more genetically liberal by the later seasons so it’s not super surprising. That stuff was mostly goofy shit that I didn’t really mind. Like it was inoffensively silly for the most part. And also Dean and Sam being arrested for trying for exorcise the president of the United States is an objectively hilarious plotline. The anti-christ plot line is something I can’t really place? Like I also don’t know what to think of it outside of it being just generally weird and setting up plot shit for the next season. But it’s also funny and mostly inoffensive.

However, I feel like the British Men of Letters, ridiculous and weird as they are, are thematically appropriate villains for season 12 because they’re grappling with the legitimacy of the show’s premise in much the same way Mary’s resurrection is. The BMOL are the obvious, logical conclusion to hunting - monsters are essentially bad and the only way to deal with monsters as a class of people is to destroy them. The BMOL is what hunting would look like if it were “institutional.”

But, and this is where spn runs into the wall because it can’t fully confront itself, framing the conflict as individualistic American hunting vs organisational British hunting is a false dichotomy, because American hunting is already institutional, it’s just decentralised and unstructured. The “institution” that undergirds hunting is white supremacy, specifically the American flavour of it. Hunting in supernatural forwards a bio-essentialist view of “monsters”, who are broadly speaking a class of people. Monsters don’t arise because of social forces, they are not historically or politically contingent, and the word “monster” is not an ideological one, it is a purely descriptive one. Monsters are just monsters because they’re monstrous. They are inherently bad and must be killed.

And I don’t think spn is consciously arguing this so much as it is glorifying a rugged individualistic white American masculinity, but in so doing it imports that reactionary baggage into the show. But because it’s not a text that is consciously political as such, it’s inconsistent. This is why ghosts and other spirits, for example, mostly fall outside of this model - ghosts arise from historical events, from fear and suffering, from trauma, from injustice. They’re “contingent” in this sense and not inherently evil. They are the consequence of human action, and the only way to defeat them is to reckon with the actions that led to their creation. But generally when you have flesh-and-blood monsters in the show, it’s almost always purely biological. Sometimes it’s genetic (rougarou) and sometimes it’s infectious (vampires, werewolves, Sam’s demon blood, etc). You also have cases of exception, like Garth, where people can consciously fight against their own biological destiny and be “one of the good ones,” so that further complicates it.

What the BMOL do is take all of that complexity and stand as hardliners. There are no exceptions, and it doesn’t matter what type of monster you are. They’re all bad and must be destroyed. And once you destroy the enemy in your own backyard, you move elsewhere and begin the process again.

And obviously Sam and Dean are uncomfortable with that! You’re supposed to be uncomfortable with it. The Winchester (and .: American) model of hunting is more flexible and informal, and they want to keep it that way. And like strictly speaking that’s a better model, but it’s comprised of the same ideological “stuff” as the BMOL model of hunting. The political battleground is basically how far you want to take hunting as a societal project. Do you leave it to individuals who hunt at the margins of society, or do you formalise it and make it a conscious part of society?

So like season 12 is grappling with the show Supernatural as a concept, with its politics on the one hand and its emotional core on the other. Hunting isn’t actually an unalloyed good and has unequivocally fascist conclusions if you were to industrialise it. Mary is not the perfect saintly mother figure whose corpse provides emotional justification for hunting. The biggest problem season 12 suffers from is, ironically, that it is a season of Supernatural, a show dedicated to not fundamentally changing anything, so these questions (is hunting actually bad? Is Mary a human being?) are never properly answered. Mary eventually dies again, the BMOL fade away and their remnants (Ketch) become an ally.

But despite all of that I still really enjoy season 12. I think it’s one of the most unique seasons of supernatural for this reason, and if you focus on the Winchester family drama it’s really rewarding television. I’m glad all my posting about it inspired you to rewatch it, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Sin City

Welcome to “Jensen’s Stupid-Good Acting, Jared’s Fantastic Befuddled Face, and a PSA on Hurricanes: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

 Up today, s3e4: Sin City

 Sam and Dean investigate a town that has recently turned into a hotbed of vice. They figure it must be a case of demon possession—or a case of multiple demon possessions—but the more they investigate, the less it seems any of the folks who’ve suddenly turned murderous or suicidal or what-have-you is possessed. Eventually the boys figure out that there are demons involved, but only two, and all they really did was start nudging people toward their bad sides. No possession needed. It’s another case of humans humaning at their worst, for the most part. The boys take out the demons and hope for the best. Along the way we meet an old hunting buddy of Dean’s and watch Dean have a heart-to-heart with one of the demons about his impending trip to Hell and whether it scares him. Spoiler alert: it does, but he’s clinging to pretending it don’t.

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

  Lor:

 you hunt down those evil sons of bitches, Dean

 Mace:

 HA

 Lor:

 the SHOTS on this show sometimes. that stained glass window as a halo around Andy's head

 Mace:

you know, I though nuns would be made of stronger stuff than that

 YES

  Lor:

 right?

 one of my profs in college said "nuns may be married to god but they’re hell on wheels"

(I do not remember the context)

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 Sam's laugh!

 Mace:

 YAAASSS

  Lor:

 "well it won't kill demons by then but I can promise it will kill you"

 Mace:

 I do love Sam in a tie

  Lor:

 I want the Dad!Bobby and His Sons Dean and Sam Annoy Each Other show

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 daaaw the pre-suits

 Mace:

 YAS

 if Sam’s a Buffett fan, I’m gonna have to do something about that

  Lor:

 HA!

please do

 omg Dean's face

 Mace:

 the juxtaposition of “this is my sister” and “this is my brother” is kind of hilarious

  Lor:

 HAHAHAHAHAH YES

 "until I came along your ass was toast"

 "fyi Winchester words hurt"

 omg

 Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 omg the magic fingers his SMILE

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 omg Dean and Sam having to pull him away

 Mace:

 YESYES

 ooof hurricanes

  Lor:

 "i do now"

 no idea what it is

 Mace:

 the reason I don’t remember an entire section of my trip to NOLA

  Lor:

 HA!

did it taste good at least?

 poor Sam. he's twitchy

 Mace:

 I…don’t remember

But I’m guessing yes

 he IS twitchy. he needs soothing

  Lor:

 "what a thrill"

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 wow (i just have no experience with this)

 he DOES

do you volunteer?

 Mace:

 yeah, part of my ‘wild’ days

 I DO VOLUNTEER

  Lor:

 I AM SHOCKED

 Mace:

 “toys trump oils” THIS GUY

  Lor:

 "yeah, no, toys trump oils" haaaaahahaha

   Lor:

   Mace:

 HAHAHAHAHA

 (we HAVE to watch that movie together)

  Lor:

 (YES)

  Mace:

 HAHAHA

 welp, Dean was right - that guy can’t handle the job

 Mace:

 ope, Dean’s worried so he’s not eating!

  Lor:

 yyyep

 YEP

he's adorable

  Bobby smells like old spice and sawdust, I just know it

 Mace:

 ugh, LAUREN

 OMG YES YES HE DOES

and motor oil

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 (old spice and motor oil is my dad 100%)

  Lor:

 (NICE. yep, old spice and oil or dust or gas--very competent older man smell. so comforting)

 Mace:

 (VERY comforting)

  Lor:

 look at his DUMB PROFILE

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 "I just told her I had a thing for the bartender"

 Mace:

 SO SMOOTH

  Lor:

 is that a hurricane?

 I need to go look it up now

 Mace:

 it’s a small one if so

maybe they’re just giant in NOLA

  Lor:

 interwebs says it's popular in NOLA so maybe

looks like it's fruit juice, rum, and sugar

 Mace:

 “oh god” ADORABLE SAMMY

  Lor:

 OMG SAM

 Mace:

yeah that sounds about right

it’s the rum that’ll get ya

  Lor:

 "minor misunderstanding"

 Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 "have a nice day?" HIS FACE

 yep. and with the sugar

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 my mom always told me to never drink sweet alcoholic drinks. shrug

 LOOKIT him standing there with his hands in his pockets

 Mace:

 that’s pretty much the only kind I will drink

don’t tell your mom

 YES and he’s SO SMART

  Lor:

 see, right? if i was gonna drink, I would WANT a sweet one

well. this is when I went to college. I don't think she'd have an opinion now

 "so are you. bitch"

 Mace:

 it was smart advice - with the sweet ones you don’t know until it’s too late that you’re hammered and at a college party, that can be…not good

 YES

  Lor:

 yeah

 ah Dean

 "having a little trouble there, sport?"

 "and, uh, he did pay attention in class"

 "everyone?"

 oh Dean, honey, you're just as smart as Sammy

 Mace:

 Yes you are, Dean. pets him

  Lor:

 "her place. for bible study"

 Mace:

 HA

  Lor:

 Sammy is giving very good slightly confused face in this episode

 Mace:

 YES HE IS

he’s adorable

  Lor:

 YEP

 and Dean is looking exceptionally pretty

 Mace:

 HE IS

  Lor:

 "I don't know. I'd like to" OMG

 Mace:

 I have trouble with Dean still not really believing in god at this point. how is there no god if there are all these demons who are allergic to churchspeak in Latin

  Lor:

 yeah, I agree, but his angst over it as he starts to find out that there is a god and he's negligent at best and evil at worst punches me in the feels

 Mace:

 oh well sure

 “what’s it like down there” oh DEAN HONEY

  Lor:

 "speaking of downstairs. what's it like down there?"

*WRAPS HIM IN SOFT THINGS"

 Mace:

 YES

he’s trying to look so casual about it, poor tiger

  Lor:

 YES

 "it's like a family business" SNORK

 Mace:

 YAS

 Sammy, dude, read this guy. he’s EVIL

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 "sitting here like a couple of regular folk"

 Mace:

 yeah

 oh Dean

  Lor:

 omg his breathing gets heavier as he says "nah of course not" JENSEN

 Mace:

 RIGHT?!

He’s acts the crap out of this episode

  Lor:

 YES

which is awesome cause it COULD be phoned in. it's just a lot of talking. but he makes it MATTER

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 "that's okay. hey, I barely respect you now"

 Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 YES

 "thank god for that" pets him

 Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 "I was ready to follow Sam" that's gotta be a whole lotta weird feels for Dean

 Mace:

 RIGHT?! his second worst nightmare

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 BOBBY!!

 YAS

  Lor:

 oh man I LOVE that Dean saying "Sammy be careful" tells Sam something's WRONG. that it's not just a throwaway

 YES Bobbyyyyyy

 Mace:

 YES

for all their trouble with communicating, in some ways they’re very good at it

  Lor:

 YES

when it's about work and/or when it's something they can ritualize (like having codes or something), it's effortless for them

 Dean's FACE when he says "you two?"

 Mace:

 YES and YES

 ooof that worried look on Dean’s face when Sam kills the girl

  Lor:

 YES

 "humans ain’t our job"

 Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 lookit him in his Dad's too big leather jacket over his adorable tiny self

 Mace:

 YES

 omg the lip quiver when he’s asking Bobby about Sam

  Lor:

 "you think... you think something's wrong with my brother?" that's it, that's the show

 YAAAAS

 Mace:

 I mean, Jesus, Jensen.

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 Mace:

 yet it’s still not enough to make Lauren’s horrible acting palatable

  Lor:

 he SHOWS UP for every dang scene. it's amazing

 NOPE

 "oh I see" and Jared's managing pretty well given he doesn't have much to play off of

 Mace:

 YES HE IS

  Lor:

 "that little fallen angel on your shoulder"

 Mace:

 YAAASSS

  Lor:

 I get so caught up in "oh god Dean's gonna go to hell" that I forget that there's all this "is Sam really out of the woods of becoming the boy king of hell" stuff going on

  Mace:

Right?! So much happening

[lillysilverus]

Okay ya’ll.  So I wanted to check out Misha’s Roadfood show and I kept forgetting to watch because it’s on at 11:00 AM here on Saturday.  I wanted to be objective and not take anyone else's  opinion as gospel. I have never watched a Misha panel from a Con or any other videos where he is Misha and not Castiel so I didn’t know what to expect.  I watched two episodes.  Well let me qualify, I watched most of two episodes.  The first was Barberton OH Serbian Chicken and the second was Eastern Shore VA Oysters and Crabs. 

The reason I say I watched most is to be honest, the Barberton OH show was not particularly interesting so I skipped thru some of it. The VA episode was better so I watched almost all of it with little skipping. 

The show has some interesting aspects if you’re interested in people talking about how the area they live in created their business and how families have run these businesses for generations.  Politics was brought up in both shows and both places were conservative.  In VA particularly, the island was very much a Trump positive place and the gentleman talked about how after CNN did a piece on their island sinking, they got hate mail telling them how they should sink and go away. He also talked about how Trump called him to thank him and discuss infrastructure.  Misha admitted to the man that he was Liberal and that he had been guilty of saying and doing things but that he was trying to see things differently. I had to laugh because I’m fairly sure he wanted to stab himself in the eye when this man told him that the proudest moment of his life was when Trump called him.  So Misha did manage to get some of his political aspirations into the show and remain pleasant even while I’m sure he was grinding his teeth. The man really wanted people to come together and try to see some middle ground and Misha did agree with him. Whether Misha actually feels that way is another story. 

So here’s my honest opinion:  The show isn’t bad but it isn’t incredibly compelling. If you find history and just normal people and learning about areas of the country you’re not familiar with interesting, then it might be for you.  Misha has moments of charm, but honestly, he isn’t very charismatic.  He is just sort of there and I hate to say it, but boring for the most part. I read one of my mutuals saying that Guy Fieri does something similar on the Food Network and I’ve watched that show.  Guy is fun and excited and he mostly just sees how things are cooked and then eats.  Misha is just very low key and most of the time was spent talking about the area with very little to do with the food itself. It’s not a show I see his younger fans caring about in the least although they would definitely benefit from the lesson about something other than their own world.  

I might watch another one or I might not. As I said, the OH one wasn’t very interesting because I didn’t find the people he spoke with terribly compelling and Misha himself didn’t elevate it much.  Oh and there was a part where he goes to a senior dance of some sort and he mentioned that some SPN fans had managed to find him.  I didn’t watch that part.  

[msgrumpygills]

Well, Jensen has changed his twitter layout. If you haven't seen it yet, just go and check it out. It now says ''just soldiering on.'' only. Meaning he deleted SPN/hunter thing from his layout... which says a lot, really and puts more emphasis on the fallout ''theory'' (not really a theory anymore, it's just the reality came true but lulz).

Also Kripke made a tweet about how he thought/guessed that Jared knew about the project and he didn't expect to see that Jared didn't know about the project... lmao. Kripke later on deleted that tweet, probably because he realized that he revealed that J&D didn't inform Jared about the project so had to delete his tweet to play for the PR. And then he ALSO deleted his other tweet as well, the first tweet where he congrats and supports J&D's prequel. Just to make a good PR.... which is hilarious because it just didn't work at all, it only made things seem worse. It just screams BAD PR all over it and also says a lot about the fall out, really.

Ah and also Jensen's aunt literally spam liked comments and posts on twitter that were criticizing Jared and his attitude and his actions. No joke! Which says a lot, again, that makes it sure and more apparent that Jensen's family members like his aunt is aware of the fallout situation and the fact that she also likes all those comments that criticize Jared? Absolute madness.

God my stomach hurts from laughing! Never seen such a mess and bad PR combo in just two days. What a fuck up! Everyone is making fun of Jared and there are multiple articles written all over the internet bc of his ridiculous meltdown. Even the ex-SPN writers are making fun of him ajd like/retweets the tweets/comments that criticize&make fun of Jared. I've even seen a game developer making fun of Jared's ''#bravo you coward'' tweet.

AND AND HERE IT COMES, THE MOST HILAROUS OF ALL--- An ex-advisor of Trump was defending Jared and his tweets on twitter! I am not joking, it's the truth! She was saying that Jared was in the right and that he didn't disrespect anyone!

Like... Never seen such a fuckery before. In a sense it makes me angry bc of Jared's stupidity but it also makes me laugh so much that I can't breathe!

It's definitely a mess, and if I had to guess, I'd say that Jared didn't expect as many people to think he was in the wrong as there were.

I think that he probably expected everyone to coddle him like they always do, and when people started to bring up how manipulative and toxic he was being, he realized he goofed.

And big surprise, he STILL hasn't actually apologized to anyone involved. But hey, part of the Padalecki brand is not owning up and not being held accountable.

[flyingcatstiel]

1of2 Tired of metas blaming executives / defending writers. Writers can write horrible endings. Proof - GOT, HIMYM, Lost etc. Executives didn't force those bad endings. Reading all these conspiracy theories feels like I am listening to Trump. Executives are homophobic but ok with incestous ending? I asked my SO (who never watched SPN) to watch SPN final with me. I quote him "didn't you say they are brothers. It almost looks like they are going to kiss - Ewww - is this what you want me to watch?"

2of2 Even if we look at bottom line - Executives - apparently don't care the fact that Destiel was trending FIRST world wide - in middle of pandemic, middle of historic US elections - such free publicity to gain more viewers and money - but they care about incestous endings which grossed out lot of people. I wish these metas and conspiracy theorists stop baiting people and stop defending writers. Even before covid - Dabb had intended for this bad ending with proof that only 30% will like it.

Oh, nonnie. If you have sent this just 2 days ago, I’d be there with you, all salty about metas defending writers. Today tho, after going through some serious posts about the CW involvement with the show, about Russian market, about professional dubbing practices I have my thoughts in different order. 

So, from what I’ve seen so far (barely past midnight November 26 in the US as of writing this). Jensen went to re record audio stuff for 15x18, most likely Cas confession scene. Now we have info from Latin America (2 separate dubs)  that Dean actually reciprocated Cas’s love declaration and only after that The Empty took Cas. Nonnie, this changes everything. The first thing so many viewers noticed and commented on was the weird way the scene was cut and how little emotions Dean showed. The running gag on twitter was that Jensen is homophobic and Misha strong-armed him into that scene. Non shipper said that it was platonic love declaration from Cas, coming out of nowhere. But most importantly, we, shippers were robbed from proper celebration of our ship going canon. After 12 years of sticking with the ship, they still took it from us. This is totally on the CW shoulders.

But also, this means that destiel was at some point greenlit by the executives to be reciprocated in canon. Until someone at the CW backpaddled in late September. The writers are not responsible for this, they are victims of these changes as well. Dean’s answer changes the emotional beats of several scenes in 15x19 in addition to the scenes that were cut. 15x19 has that strange montage at the very end which most likely was added to cover cut scenes, say like Lucifer, Jack and Cas scene in the empty? Because if Misha was in 15x19, that would mean that the prank call was never meant to be his last contribution. I mean, the disrespect to the fans, the writers and Misha, all in one episode.

And then there’s 15x20 which looks so weird that a lot of fans immediately said that it is a butchered episode. Thing is, we have no idea what kind of script was written pre covid, how much it was changed and when, and how much was cut out from filmed episode. I’ve seen posts sayin that the script for 15x20 was still in rewrites when they finished filming for 15x18. Which is very, very late for a shooting script. I personally think that Dean’s death was the thing Jensen disliked so much, but even then - we don’t know how it was framed in earlier scripts and how they arrived at that horrific scene in 15x20. 

I’m not saying that SPN writers are the most amazing TV writers out there, and I look forward times when we will be able to discuss all problematic stuff SPN is filled to the brim with, but. We just don’t know what exactly happened in the SPN writing room and how much executives meddled with it. COVID happened. Nothing of this is normal. This is why the most important thing right now is to pressure the CW for some answers. Look at them throwing Misha under the bus today. That tells you bunches how well they know fandom and how to manipulate us. 

Now about that incestuous scene, aka Dean’s death, and why homophobic executives would be OK with it but not canon destiel. Under the cut we go, mostly for space reasons. 

Ok, this is so funny but I actually just finished writing my second answer about wincest in 15x20 and had problems posting it and that’s how I learned that we broke tumblr and destiel went canon in spanish. Here’s my post, check it out bc I’m not repeating it  here. 

I think wincest, aka incest between two able bodied, adult male brothers is something casual viewer outside the fandom is not even thinking about. If it was sister/brother deal with intimate embrace, people would notice faster. But two masculine, 6 ft tall macho dudes during the death scene? Nope. Here comes plausible deniability which viewers also use to ignore anything “funny” between Dean and Cas. I’m glad that you and your partner noticed incest vibes, but, I’ve see plenty people even in destiel fandom being fine with such scenes between Sam and Dean. I’ve seen some destiel fans saying that they really loved 15x20, so, there are viewers out there for whom it worked. 

Now let’s look at the bottom line. TBH, I’ve no idea where to look? Where is the projected revenues for a show that is ending? You say that Destiel trending during pandemic is a proof that our fandom is huge, but. No one knew that we had such power! And trending on twitter is not something that translates into money easily. And it happened 2 weeks before finale. There’s no time to change finale anymore. I personally think that destiel fandom has been shrinking for past couple of years, since so many folks left due to bad writing and queerbaiting. But they came back for tweeting. At this point destiel is bigger than it’s fandom. I personally think that the CW would have benefited from canon destiel, but they made different call.

I agree with you that in general, fandom should not defend the writers so much and ought to be more critical about the stuff they write, but today, November 26, 2020, the game is happening on completely different plane. I’m pretty sure that we got a butchered finale, and I’m very much inclined to believe that it is somehow connected to their efforts to promote The Walker show. Maybe Dabb’s original finale was really bad, but show me the script then. If destiel was supposed to be reciprocated, then they might have gone overboard with bro love in Dean’s death scene. Only now, when destiel was one-sided, that scene becomes very wincesty seemingly on purpose. A good creative writing, in it’s finished form, is a very tightly woven fabric. You pull out some threads, you unravel whole fabric. And that’s what 15x20 is. 

2 days ago I’d be roasting metas who defend spn writers, today I want to storm the CW. (pitchforks anyone?) Destiel shippers were robbed, queer love story was censored, this should be the focus of or anger today, not the writers or actors. We can do both - demand truth about the Cas confession scene and roast original Dabb’s ending if we ever get it. 

ETA - after writing this up, I checked out some posts by blogs who debunk all conspiracies, including Spanish dub. They sound very convincing! But in that case we have to talk about long term queerbaiting that was taking place on this old CW show till the very last minute. Cas was used in promos for 15x17 he was not in. They (ppl who make promos) deliberately used Cas barn scene from 4x01 in those promos, then actual barn in 15x20 promo but somehow it is shippers who are delusional? Don’t start me on Song of the day. Angel with a shotgun for 15x19? What was that about? After 15x18 there was no official goodbye to Cas which made ppl to watch finale. Like? Even if the Spanish dub gets officially debunked by the CW and not some random blogs, we are left with the fact that destiel fandom was gaslighted during the last stretch of s15. And not only by writers.

And if this was the finale they so lovingly crafted and deemed to be good, where are the celebration of the SPN ending? Why we had to watch documentary before the episode? Why 15x20 was so short? Why Canada watched the episode first (and leaked spoilers online) They filmed after quarantine, the script had to be the usual length. And so on, fandom has been through all the things that didn’t match several times already. PITCHFORKS -> the CW

[sakarrie-creates]

2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!

2023 Stats:

Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12  Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)

Posted Fics:

Supernatural (Gen): 2

When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.

He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters. 

Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right. 

The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2

What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.

Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.

Code Lyoko (Gen): 1

No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that. 

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).

Best/worst title?

Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.

Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.

Hardest story to write?

It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.

Most overdue story?

It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off! 

Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.

Goals from 2022:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.

-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!

It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.

I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals! 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)

Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed. 

I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.

Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.

Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines

So, finally work counts goals are...

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)

Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k

[einemelodie]

Snooker time!

I think I have rub this to everyones face since 2020 world championships but.... Man I love this sport, even it makes me over eat, chainsmoke and maybe alcoholic.

Alongside of SPN (thank you guys seriously) snooker is maybe the only thing what keeps my head someway OK. I've been on sick leave this week (thank god champ of champs comes on this week and german masters qualifiers next week) and there was sad news about my dad also this week. I'm just so done anyway.

Last weekend I went for "high altitude snooker camp" with my sister who loves the sport too. Took hours to find even one public table from this damn part of the world. I got my own cue (it's so freaking sweet!) so of course test drive for it was important. But playing snooker kinda made me understand why pro players have maybe born with the cue in their hands and head to the table. It's freakig hard sport! Also I promised myself I won't scream to the tv when Neil Robertson misses easy pots 😂 I'm emotionally invested in this!

And under here is proof how bad my rest game is and I might need about 10000 hours of practice but the most annoying thing is that the table we played is 230km from home, close ones would be under 100 meters but it's a club, you can't play there if you don't know any members or have a membership, and to have a membership you have to be good player. Sucks man. I want to play and practice but I can't.

Here is also a pretty picture from hotel where we stayed, awesome place! And also hoping Neil wins tomorrow champions of champions final🥰 and hoping Mark Allen kicks Judd Trumps ass today in the semis.

[missjackil]

Things SPN Does that Bothers Me

Now you know 95% of the time, im show positive, I love the show, like i love Sam and Dean, and thats flaws and all. Just like the boys can piss me off sometimes, well... the show can too, and these are some regular things they (TPTB) do, that have either pissed me off, or make me very uncomfortable.  I dont like every storyline, nor every character, but if it/they serve a reasonable purpose, I dont dwell on it, and accept the role or what the story developed into as a part of the big picture. Some things however are pointless, and just annoying.  Dean’s eating habits for starters. I can accept, he eats a lot, and eats fast, even that he’s sometimes a messy eater, this is a continuous part of his character. However, the food falling out of his mouth, or getting on his face is ridiculous! I know its more of a comic relief thing, but its gross and it makes Dean look like an idiot. in Tall Tales, its established that Dean eats messy when hes eating chili fries with his fingers, and getting it n Sam’s bed. in Folsem Prison Blues, we see him shoveling down the prison food. We have donut all over his face in The Purge, and these were kinda funny, but the speghetti hanging out of his mouth in Halt and Catch Fire, spitting the chinese food on the floor in Love Hurts, and the pie all over his face in Mama Mia, was just unnecessary. if Dean has enough manners to not eat like a feral dog 99% of the time, I think he can do that ALL of the time. Now, the one time Sam has food falling out of his mouth in Dont You Forget About Me, was funny, and it made the statement that hes been dying for a good roasted chicken, but, if he does it again, its no longer funny, its just gross and makes him look like an idiot. So, sure, let Dean eat a lot, and ;et him eat fast, but dont make him gross anymore.  Sam’s hair. That man has a gorgeous head of hair!! KEEP IT THAT WAY!! IT even looks great messy! Why do TPTB have it looking dorky half the time? This started early even before it was long, and he still had bangs, and dont get me started on S10!! S6 7 and 8, they had his hair consistantly good, with maybe one or two bad hair days, but then S9 came around, i guess they thought he was too gorgeous?? or not nerdy enough?? I know between takes, if his hair got messed up, some lucky af woman from hair and make up comes and fixes it, but is she directed to not make it look good? “Here Jane, over brush it and push it back to accentuate his 5head! He looks too hot right now” Now maybe in s10 (ok yes Im going there) the haircut at the start of the season was unsuccesful, it happens, but why keep it that way? His hair grows fast! We’ve seen this! he can grow it out of a bad cut in 2 episodes! AND NO FREAKIN FLAT IRONS!! GOD! The Brothers lying to each other. Ill excuse all the lies theyve told that served a purpose, like to bring on new drama,  or had a valid (maybe just to that specific brother) reason behind it, but lies that serve no purpose at all suck. Dean didnt need to lie about texting/calling mom and waiting till Sam went to sleep too listen to messages. Sam wasnt telling him not to contact her,, and nothing ever became of it. It was just childish and annoyng. Same with Sam not telling Dean that he decided to work for the Brits and wanted him to do it too. By this time Sam would know Dean would hear him out, even if he growled first, and they work with people they dont trust, BAD people all the time, if it serves a good purpose. Dean basically said this himself. they didnt even have a pivitol fight over the lie, so it was just stupid. 

Ive always been very uncomfortable with the boys relationship with Crowley after S10. especially Dean’s. im not anti Crowley mind you, but when they’ve been chummy with him after he killed the people they saved back in S8, and made Sam watch his friend Sarah die, and let us not forget him nearly killing Jodi, who they are like bff with, also consider that he’s bragged about killing babies, and helping out pervy priests, and made Dick Roman muffins from baby uvulas. It was very uncomfortable for me to hear Dean pray for God to bring Crowley back after he died. Sam maintained at least some level of hate towards Crowley throughout his time, but Dean was friend, then trying to kill him, then friend, then trying to kill him... and it was just weird. Its been a big fear of mind at some point a Winchester is going to be sitting and having a beer with Lucifer, just chatting. 

Teach Sam how to get out of a strangle hold!!! Im not even bothered that he GETS strangled, but self defense 101 teaches you how to get out of that hold before it teaches you anything else. Theres no reason on Chucks green Earth as to why Sam is always punching said stranglers arm instead of doing the ‘up and out” move!! If he needs to be taken down for whatever reason, there are other way of doing so, stop making him look like he cant fight! I think we all hate when they go off canon, but its never really bothered me if it was something small that might have just gone unnoticed but theyve had some doozies that made me mad at the whole staff. You cant tell me that Lucifer suddenly being the older brother, or the Obama, to Rooney to Trump POTUS change got past everyone, including J2? That makes them all look stupid or that they dont think we’re smart enough to notice.  So these are just some things that rub me the wrong way because theres just no good reason for them. Most screw ups i can overlook if something good came from it, but these things didnt. so STAAAAHHHHHPPPP!!!!!! That will be all...

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

I want you to know that I love and appreciate your blog. When anything good (or bad) happens to Misha, most of the 'Misha blogs' are posting Jensen's reaction to it like that's the big take away. I feel like when Misha got to pie 'trump,' it was the happiest I'd ever seen him bc even tho it was for charity, the act also represented something very personal to him. I feel like that's a side of Misha we don't get to see often. So thank you for consistently highlighting what's really important.

Hi anon! Thank you so much for your words, they mean a lot really because that’s exactly why I have this blog. Misha and Cas are very important to me, and it’s a little upsetting when almost everything I see is posted through shipper goggles. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has a right to post whatever in their own blog (as long as it’s not hate ofc), but it gets a little... tiresome imo, to see the same thing over and over again. That’s why I totally get what you are saying, to find content that is only about Misha (or Cas) lately, it’s really difficult. That’s why I’m very careful with what I reblog. If there’s something Misha related, I want the pic/video/text to be really about him, if I don’t find a good post to reblog, then I would do my best to find that pic/video/text to post it to be exclusively about Misha, because for me he is what’s important. It’s another reason why, although I’m a destiel shipper, I tend to leave the shipper stuff out. There are already 3242524123992 blogs about destiel and cockles. Me? I like to concentrate on the amazing human that Misha is and the amazing character that he plays as Cas. 

My blog is not popular by any means, and I’m fine with that. A few weeks ago I got a couple of recs for people to follow me, and I’m really thankful don’t get me wrong, but then I wondered if these new followers knew what I was all about. I’m not pro spn at all, I almost don’t post shipping stuff, I rant A LOT (although lately I’m a little bit quiet because of some things I’m dealing in twitter and I come here just to relax and reblog and post Misha/Cas stuff, imagine how crazy is over there!), I don’t post J2M at all... I think those followers were: wtf is this blog? XD. In general people don’t read my bio and just follow, and I always hope they can understand where I’m coming from with this blog, that’s why your message is so important to me, because you got my intentions 100%. The happiness that I see in him in this pie “trump” thing for example, I don’t want to be about anything else, sorry not sorry. I think we don’t get too many “Misha only or Cas only” moments that we can enjoy. And that’s why I like to highlight the ones we do get.

Thank you again anon! I’m really bad at taking compliments about the blog, I always get awkward af, but I really appreciate your message. Hugs!!

[theteablogger]

Bullshit

Two things:

First of all, I’ve heard through the grapevine that Andy is sharing screenshots that allegedly prove that mine are fake. For what it’s worth, I have never in my life faked a screenshot of anything, let alone a screenshot of one of Andy’s posts. The most editing that I’ve done to them is to crop out extraneous material that might identify the person who sent them to me, to join screenshots together when it takes more than one to capture an entire post, to censor other people’s names and pictures or Andy’s own contact info, and occasionally to highlight something. That’s it.

Second, I’ve recently received screenshots of a Facebook post that shows what Andy is telling his friends about what’s recently happened in LA, and how Andy awareness bloggers and tf-talk are entirely to blame for it. I’m going to share it here and respond point-by-point. I realize that Andy is talking about more people than just me, but a) there are very few of us (outside tf-talk) posting about him now, and b) I can only speak for myself anyway. This is going to be long. Sorry.

(If you’d like a quick preview of Andy’s post, he’s been saying almost exactly the same things since at least 2012, so here you go.)

One major problem with this is that the “30 second cocktail party bio” is often all that people get. His former host was very clear that he hadn’t told her about leading two cults, sexually abusing people, mentally and emotionally abusing and manipulating people, and more. What little he did tell her, he blamed entirely on mental illness and made it sound like a lot of stupid internet drama.

When he refers to “listing [his] birth name and literally every screen name [he’s] had or people have suspected was [him] since 1995,” that’s obviously about me. The reason that list is featured so prominently on my blog is that Andy has used so many aliases and screen names over the years that reading about his past can be very confusing for people. Many times, even recently, I’ve seen others express surprise that Thanfiction and Victoria Bitter (for example) are the same person, although they were familiar with most of the trouble that he’d caused under both of those names. I would never, ever mention Andy’s birth name if not for the fact that his earliest known online manipulation and lies were under that name. 

Now, here’s the really big issue, for me: I have never said that Andy is a sociopathic narcissist abuser. I have never tried to label him with any specific diagnosis or even a DSM category.

Once in 2014 (before I even had a blog) I submitted a post to 1-purp0se that included something about emotional vs. cognitive empathy, positing that Andy had the latter, but not the former. I’ve regretted that part of the post ever since because I am not a mental health professional and that was only my opinion. In the years since then, I have made sure that I could substantiate everything with screenshots and I have not made anything approaching a diagnostic claim.

I have always been very clear that I have never met or personally interacted with Andy. It’s there for all to see in my FAQ. Also, I have never, ever so much as implied that Andy has abused me in any way. Anyone who thinks that I have either has not actually read my blog, or has a serious reading comprehension problem. I have never even suggested that X was anything like Andy, and have only shared those stories on my blog in hopes of being helpful to other survivors. I am disgusted by the implication that everything that I post is merely a projection of my own experiences of abuse...and at the same time, darkly amused that this is the best Andy can do to refute anything that I’ve said about him.

I have never rejected, harassed, or attacked anyone who’s contacted me about Andy. I have been attacked and harassed by people attempting to defend Andy, and I had a bit of a meltdown in 2015 when I was attempting to defend one of Andy’s friends in tf-talk.

When Andy posts social justice things, he does so in a way that shows that he has little more than a surface-level understanding of the issues, and that he’s more concerned with appearing to espouse a currently popular cause than with actually supporting it. For example, while “raising awareness” about Ferguson, he repeatedly made analogies equating black people with dogs and wild animals. He told people affected by the late-2014 wave of fake suicides in SPN fandom how they were “allowed” to feel and respond. In 2016 he made a number of posts that included misleading and false election statistics, and was very dismissive of people’s concerns about a Trump presidency. That’s the tip of the iceberg, and all that was just on Tumblr. Andy whitesplains and mansplains all the damned time.

There’s “making new friends”, and then there’s forcibly inserting yourself into a pre-existing social circle, acting like you know them all extremely well, and putting intense pressure on them to introduce you to other friends of theirs who are either connected to or actually part of the cast of the webseries on which you are currently fixated. The latter is what he did in LA, according to people who were actually there and were involved.

When Andy says good things about his friends, or other people, they are often backhanded compliments (e.g., his incredibly condescending liveblog of a friend’s SPN fic) or blatant negging (such as making extremely hurtful and gross comments about a woman’s body and following them up with over-the-top assurances that he thinks she’s beautiful). Does he do this every time he makes a positive comment about someone? I have no idea. But it happens often enough to be cause for concern.

"If people say I don’t hurt them, it’s proof that they’re brainwashed or afraid of me, etc. If friends stand up for me, that’s proof that I have created a cultish, us-against-them mentality.”

That first sentence is part of what set off my 2015 meltdown, so I’m not even touching it. I have never said anything even close to that. I have often talked about the fact that Andy has led two actual cults, and that he fosters “us-vs-them” thinking in his friends because he did and he does. Many, many former friends of Andy’s have spoken about the us-vs-them thing, and it’s evident in many of his posts over the years. 

I have never said that Andy needs to tell everyone that he is “a sociopath who was intending to inflict pain.” What makes his “apology” posts fauxpologies is that he continually finds reasons to excuse or minimize acts of abuse he has committed, to explain things away as “misunderstandings”, and to deflect blame in a variety of ways. He also tends to make significant omissions and to bend the truth as far as he can unless/until he’s called out on it.

“We know the secret.” This is hilarious because that’s exactly what Andy used to tell the Bagenders and the DAYDians: “[XYZ everyday occurrence] seems insignificant to everyone else, but because we know the secret, we understand that it’s a message from Kali and Raz,” or what have you. I think there have been a handful of times that I’ve said that something Andy’s done would have sounded innocuous coming from anyone else, but takes on more sinister overtones when his history is taken into account. These things generally have to do with specific lies Andy has told, or with specific, documented ways that he has manipulated people in the past.

This is very misleading. No one has moved the goalposts; there never were any goalposts in the first place. Nobody said, “Andy, if you do these specific things, then we’ll believe that you’ve changed and we’ll never talk about you again.” I have said, and have seen other say, that maybe if he did this or that thing it might indicate that he was serious about changing, or that something that he was doing at the time was a reason to hope that he was honestly trying to change. I and many others have also said numerous times that part of the process of moving on for Andy would have to be leaving fandom for good. Andy is the one who decided that putting on a show of leaving fandom (but still sharing fanart and trying to get other fans’ and creators’ attention via mentions and fannish tweets) was the one and only thing he needed to do in order to convince everyone that he’s a different person. 

And this next bit is the real crux of the issue: even if he really had “ticked all [the] boxes” on an imaginary list of criteria that Turimel, or tf-talk, or the Andy awareness blogs, or whoever had given him...it wouldn’t matter because he is still engaging in many problematic and abusive behaviors. He is “actively, presently committing abuse”, and I believe that he is still dangerous. I refer you again to Molly’s post about his recent stay with her. On the other hand, I have never made any claim that he is abusing Meg or the cats, or about “dozens of other current victims”. (Past victims that we don’t know about? Sure. Although I’m not very fond of the word “victim”.)

I won’t claim that I stand behind everything that’s said on tf-talk, or every post that every other blogger has made. But by all means, try to claim that there’s bias and twisting in my timeline, when it’s full of substantiating evidence in Andy’s own words and in the words of people who have been hurt by him.

I’m not sure where he’s getting “a dozen” from. There are maybe five of us blogging about him sporadically on Tumblr now (very sporadically, in most cases), and an unknown number of anons in tf-talk and fail-fandomanon. Our blogs and tf-talk often go quiet for long periods of time, and he isn’t mentioned that frequently on FFA anymore...until something like this happens.

I love the implication that no one who’s decided to stay away from Andy based on the many warning posts about him, the contents of tf-talk, Abbey’s blog, my blog, etc. has actually read any of it. They’ve all just made blind assumptions. But Andy’s not saying anything bad about them! Oh, no, they’re still smart, reasonable, good, empathetic, woke, and the kind of people that he wants to be friends with and work with. See what I mean about saying shitty things about people and then following up with lavish praise? This is also exactly what this anon on FFA was talking about. Anyway, based on my Statcounter and the fact that Google Docs will show me how many people are currently reading the timeline whenever I open it, I’m going to say that far more than .0002% of people actually read this stuff.

And here it is: it is ALL OUR FAULT that Andy hasn’t changed, even though he’s trying so hard. Comparing himself to a snake that’s had its venom sacs (not poison, Andy) removed is very disingenuous as it implies that it is now impossible for him to do significant harm. That isn’t true of anyone, let alone someone with a 20-year history of lies, manipulation, and abuse. And he actually did “bite” someone recently--again, read Molly’s post, and realize that all happened just a few days ago.

The truth does speak for itself. Those people in LA already had serious concerns about Andy before they read about him online, but they had been cutting him a lot of slack. Molly was already aware that Andy was, for example, trying to dredge up her memories of extremely abusive past relationships in order to manipulate her. She and his friends had already realized that he was constantly lying to all of them about pretty much everything. They’d already pegged him as a performative ally. They’d noticed that he negged the hell out of trans and plus-size people, specifically playing on issues of gender/body dysmorphia, and that he was competitive and condescending toward other men. All of this was based on their own direct observations of his behavior, before they had any idea about his history. And the person who filled them in wasn’t a blogger or someone from tf-talk; it was a close friend of theirs who realized who he was and felt the need to warn them.

(Also? Even if none of the LA people would say that Andy had actually harmed them--I don’t know because I haven’t talked to them all--it is evident that he at least tried to harm them psychologically and emotionally. None of the above behaviors can be waved away as accidents, especially given that they were happening regularly and frequently.)

So what is Andy to do? Maybe stop doing the things listed above, for a start. If what his friends read online (again, after spending time with him in person for a couple weeks) really hadn’t matched what they knew of him personally, the outcome would have been very different. But they’d already been comparing notes on his shitty behavior, and when they read the links they’d been sent, everything that had been happening suddenly made sense. That’s why they kicked him out. If you’re a manipulative asshole, people may be willing to let things slide for a while--but when they find out that you’ve been doing the same shit and worse for 20 years, yes, everything might just be snatched away from you. And that’s your own fucking fault.

Here’s a further comment from Andy:

This is fucking disgusting.

Other than the occasional tf-talk anon, the only person who has regularly (as in, more than an off-hand comment) compared specific words and behaviors of Andy’s to a past abuser of their own was Delwynmarch. And that was several years ago; it’s been a long time since he posted anything at all. Del had his fair share of insightful, on-point analytical posts, too--like his breakdown of Andy’s attempt to explain away his admission of having committed rape and sexual abuse. It’s incredibly disingenuous and dismissive to suggest that the volumes of information and analysis that others have written amount to nothing more than projection, and that we’re just a bunch of poor, ignorant babies who don’t realize how misguided we are. He feels sorry for us. Give me a fucking break.

I have been open about being a survivor of abuse and having lost people in my life to cults. While that is part of what inspired me to start blogging about Andy, that doesn’t mean that it is the entire basis for all of my opinions and analysis. Andy is fond of analogies, so I’ll use one here: This is like saying that because I was once bitten by a dog, any time that I feel the need to correct my own dog’s behavior, I’m obviously just projecting my past experience onto him, so I should just back off and let him keep shitting on the rug.

Furthermore, as much as he likes to say that we don’t know him and therefore shouldn’t act like we understand him...I know Andy a hell of a lot better than he knows me. I’ve been reading others’ words about him since 2003, and I have probably millions of his own words about his life, his mental health, fandom, and a host of other topics, dating back to 1998. All he knows of me is what little he sees on this blog. 

Nice try, Andy, but I neither need nor want your sympathy. Nor do I accept any measure of blame for what happened last week. You did it to yourself.

[tinkdw]

The Garden - a visual metaphor of the Angels’ past, present and future

I was playing a silly (but fun) game of Trivial Pursuit SPN version with @bluestar86 yesterday when we came across a question pertaining to the Garden and referencing a throne.

It was then that it clicked regarding the visual metaphor of the Garden of Eden and Lucifer’s throne room and exactly why we had such a hugely cringey and staged scene at the end of 13x13... I am so in love with this concept, I’m shouting kudos all around to the production team.

I was reminded that Joshua refers to the Garden of Eden, which lies at the very centre of Heaven, as also known as “Heaven’s Throne Room”.

The garden was beautiful and lovingly tended by Joshua (5x16):

Joshua is then killed by Dagon, Lucifer’s minion (12x19), leaving an opening.

Lucifer then takes over and creates the opposite, a sterile, white, pretty empty Throne Room (13x13):

Saying “Hail to the King... Baby”.

And wow I can’t even type that without cringing at my computer. 

But I now really see why this is the case. Fair play. It all makes sense.

Now, of course, the Garden to start with isn’t really a garden for everyone. Joshua tells us it depends, for some it’s the Throne Room, for some it’s the Garden and for them it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. But it all fits the metaphor visually for the audience so I’ll address this.

The metaphor of the Garden fits perfectly with the Angels start, current and endgame. Angels in general seem to have loved Humanity, many used to walk the Earth, take Human lovers (from the fact they had to instill the Sacred Oath as a deterrent), they tended to Humanity and the Earth, a little pruning, a little nudge here and there, but overall good. Then a few Angels took charge, they threw in the Sacred Oath and used it for their own devices (Ishim), some took to brainwashing others to force them to do things they would never choose to because they were bad (Naomi), they installed a militaristic, undemocratic, terrifying order whereby anyone using their own mind and not following orders expected to be taken away to Heaven for an ass-reaming (season 4). 

This doesn’t seem right, just, what any of the every day Angels want, this is a few Angels taking control and forcing the others to submit through rigorous and systematic brainwashing, enforced control, fear and gaslighting.

Hm. Let’s stop there with the real world morals, let’s keep this light. Though, this is clearly what the show is telling us re: the real world. So I’ll just leave that here.

They should be democratic, caring, loving and nurturing. This is what so many Angels have shown us, Castiel obviously, but then Anna, Hannah, Samandriel, even some of the more peripheral Angels. Daniel even loved fishing I mean... I’m drawing in Angel’s love nature visuals and metaphors. Then we have the Dick Angels. Well, yep, they can’t all be good (because again, the show is clearly telling us not all Angels are the same, they are all individuals just as much as Humans are), but that doesn’t make them al bad, not every American who lives under Trump’s reign is like Trump you know, that’s kind of the point. Ahem. Time to overthrow the patriarchy and gain some real democracy and Free Will back. Just saying.

So anyway, Lucifer is the complete epitome of this system, totally undemocratic, a dictator, using threats, fear and manipulation to gain control. 

He hail’s himself King of the bland ass throne room. 

Whoopedy-do. It’s so cringe. But it’s supposed to be. My dude, Just No. This is the epitome of the meme “I don’t want that”.

This is a complete visual metaphor for the options that face Heaven’s host, for what the Angels should be and what they (most of them) want to be:

1. a visually beautiful garden: life, nurturing, choice and positivity eg:

This is where Daniel escaped to from Heaven:

This is where Hannah makes her “good” choice:

 And nature is often a symbol of rebirth...

Versus what is completely negative:

2. a visually sterile throne room: fear, manipulation and negativity

also noticeable when Lucifer was in Heaven in season 11...

The Garden is framed as lush, verdant and beautiful, something to be strived for. 

The 13x13 throne room scene is laughably cringe worthy, with 6 poor sad looking Angels in an empty sterile room that screams teenage school play amateurism.

“The tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” - Genesis 2: 9-14. 

Good v Evil. A choice.

I have long said the Angels have a choice to make, individually and together. To take back their true form, to regain their true identity, to overthrow the oligarchic militaristic, brainwashing (previously) and now dictatorial patriarchy. Their endgame is to (re)become the democratic, open, positive, loving Angels they were always supposed to be and always wanted to be, save for a few bad eggs brainwashing and manipulating the rest.

It’s time for the Angels to gain their Free Will, to choose love instead of hate, to choose to do as their father asked of them, to love Humanity and not be jealous of them, to care for them and not call them mud monkeys and act as though they’re beneath them, and all these things will lead them to their own happiness because “Good begets Good”.

I will never cease to love the moral messages of this show. They’re everywhere. They’re there from the pilot in small doses and then running in it’s veins throughout the whole thing, an underlying current leading towards every character and every group of characters’ endgames.

I’m so here for the garden to become this again for the Angels’ endgame

Cas, by the way, is the catalyst. He is the Angels Messianic figure. He who guided their way and will liberate them, thus also liberating him of the guilt he has harboured for the pain he has inflicted on them in the past. He who will is the Jesus mirror for the Angels. He who will show all just how much he loves Humanity (in all senses, yes) as a role model and example to the Angels, most of whom will of course choose to remain Angelic but to love Humanity and embrace their own Freedom, Democracy and Free Will in their own way, in a positive way, in the way they always wanted to be.

They will finally be liberated.

(Oh and @bluestar86 won - 39 to 40 points :p)

[ivycrowned]

tagged by @dragadook

Best url: IneffableWitch is basically my brand (tm) now and the one I’m most attached to -- but shooting-white-rabbits from when I first joined in like, 2012 was nice

Worst url: silenthillsweetie. ugh, why past me. Also -- still bitter abt silent hills being canceled and i know, death stranding but also i don’t care it’s not the SAAAAAME

Your favorite post: boy have some of my shitposts gotten out of hand. That said I’m probably most proud of a 3 am rambly ‘im emotional’ snipper for Narnia, of all things here

Funniest post: god I can’t find it but it was this post describing this unholy event in which a toilet pipe cleaner thing snaked out of an adjacent toilet in a hotel and snatched a curtain off the shower and traumatized this poor cleaning staff person. I cried with laughter. However here are a buncha runners up: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

The worst post you’ve seen: thankfully I’ve deleted most from my memory so only the lasting echo of rage or sheer unmitigated confusion are all that linger. In general, probably whiney white ppl highjacking the posts of black/jewish/mexican/insert-minority-of-color-here with pity partying ‘guess i’ll kill myself’ reactions. Children; go see a therapist and don’t pin your mental health issues and emotional labor on people who are literally just trying to be heard. 

Something on your blacklist: trump/us politics (as i work very hard to forget he exists and each thing i hear fills me with rage or terror and I can’t take it), gore (old horror movie gore effects, in particular, make me want to vomit), spiders, insects, bugs (the last three it’s pictures. They just squick me out)

Something tumblr made you love: I had no idea what doctor who, supernatural, or sherlock were. (And While I fell in love with doctor who and watched s1 of spn and liked it okay, i have no interest in bendybitch cucumber or the sheer hateful insanity that seems to inundate spn.) 

Oh, and Dragon Age. Dragon Age ate my soul and has been my hyper fixation for a couple years now. 

tagging: @kinda-hot-mostly-a-mess @disreputabledog

[surflove808]

I’m thinking it’s time to stop being in the silent majority.  Don’t you?

I don't know when I became Captain Save-A-Bro, but I know why.  It's because bullies, online "truth warriors", conspiracy theorists, anti-blogs and people who irresponsibly spread malicious gossip, misinformation and/or incite witch hunts against ANYONE who doesn't deserve it and can't or won't defend themselves really piss me off.  

And let’s be real, these actors are in a catch-22 with regards to this “joke” issue.  They can’t defend themselves because they’d face even more backlash, and they can’t apologize because you know what?  There’s nothing to apologize for, and it would seem falsely contrite.  But, I’m sure that TPTB will have to insist on a public apology from J2, even if it doesn’t merit one, simply in order to get people to put down their pitchforks.

I happen to love this show, and have a great deal of respect for the people involved in creating it, for a variety of reasons that I've already touched on, ad nauseum.  And frankly, I'm irritated because I just wanted to enjoy the goddamn show and its wonderful cast and the hilarious con footage, and leave it at that, because it's ENTERTAINMENT, people.  So why in the actual fuck am I on here right now, feeling compelled to write this manifesto about a television show??  Why is this a thing? I'm genuinely pissed that this is a thing.  

With everything going on in the world today, Why. Is. This. A. Thing??

I've checked out other fan pages (or whatever the hell they're called), because I have other interests, believe it or not... and I have never seen anything like the bullshit I’ve seen with this fandom.  And the thing is.... the shitposters I see on here don't represent most of the wonderful people that comprise the SPN Family.  In theory.  

In print, however, it's a different story, as we've seen.

They're just the loudest.  That's all.  As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  And these squeaky assholes are making great strides in tearing apart the core beliefs of this show and it's fans from the inside out.  Not to mention tearing down the reputations of certain cast members. They seek to be divisive.  And clearly, it's working.  

We’ve got J2 fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, Misha fans, Destiel fans, Cockles fans, blah blah blah... as opposed to fans of the show, and apparently they’ve declared allegiance to a character/actor (?), and some of them are, for reasons unbeknownst to most of us, pitting these characters and actors against each other to such a degree, that now we have very real and very dangerous precedents being set with regards to the extremes some of these folks are willing to go to, to tear down whomever is not their fave.  My brain is actually smoking, in an attempt to figure out how these peoples minds work.  

And it's because they run amok on here and on Twitter virtually unchallenged. We need to Shut.  This.  Shit.  Down, and regain our solidarity, our collective dignity as fans, and ability to challenge injustice when we see it.  

NEWSFLASH ASSHOLES:  I'm a squeaky wheel too.  Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitches.

Most people don't enjoy conflict.  We don't want to ruffle feathers, or be seen as a jerk.  We may worry that directly countering a post, tweet or blog that promotes hate against any members of this cast or fellow fans, might open ourselves up to backlash or criticism from the OP's or their friends.  And these are very valid fears.  Look what they aimed at Shatner, JDM, Jensen and Pellegrino recently for daring to dissent and/or daring to support their friends against this BS.  I get it.  

Heck, even Tumblr says right there in the comment field "say something nice".  I think most of us see that, and police ourselves even when we're seething about something.  Because, we should be nice, right?   Will Tumblr kick me out if I'm not?  What's gonna happen?!!  :D

But they can't hurt you.  We're not public figures.  WE also have the benefit of anonymity, it works both ways.  The "safe place" of online discourse doesn't just apply to them.  No one enjoys internet fights with trolls.  Well....almost no one, ( I have to admit, I don't necessarily enjoy it, but I do derive some satisfaction from standing up to dickheads.) but we need to start standing up to these people.

I think that love really DOES trump hate.  I believe that.  But sometimes, in order to make that a reality, we're going to have to step outside our comfort zone and question people who post malicious content about others.  And I think we all know the difference between an opinion we don't agree with and something that is downright defamatory and/or abusive.  We're going to have to fight for the things that brought this family together in the first place:

Acceptance

Love

Perseverance

Being brave

Helping those in need

Standing up for what's right

It's worth fighting for.  Because staying quiet in the face of hate has never had good long-term results.  And I don't think I need to give examples for you to understand what I'm getting at.  I think it's time to start challenging these people directly and supporting each other when we see someone standing up for what's right and getting roasted by one of these jerks.

I'm not saying be a dick, but if we keep letting these folks run around unchecked and unchallenged, they're going to continue to exert their influence in destructive ways and will represent the "majority" of fans (as unfortunately quoted in the latest articles about the J2 joke debacle), because WE are remaining the silent majority.

We need to rebuild this community.  And in order to do that, we may need to have uncomfortable discussions with these people.  But knowledge is power.  And at the very least, I think we can start putting real facts out there.  

And I understand being nervous or afraid to challenge someone who's spreading hate, just know that if you ever need someone to advocate with you or for you when encountering shitty behavior from one of these people (anyone for that matter), I'm here for ya.  You can message me anytime, and I'll help in any way I can.  I promise that.  However, I want you to start speaking on your own behalf as well, because it’s important.

And to quote an awesome and lovely person that DM'd me:  "Good people will rise i totally believe in that"

You know what?  I do too. And I also believe that this can be a great exercise for flexing our muscles for dealing with real issues.  Bigger issues.  More important issues. Yes, I’m still salty that I had to write this, and every blog post before it.  But it needed to be said.  Good habits start at home though.  So why not start here.  :)