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floating-mid-air · 11 months ago

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The Princess of all Saiyans

Masterlist

Welcome back everyone. And welcome to anyone new. I'm back… yet again. New year… I won't say it again. I jinxed myself last year. As always, DM's/Comments are always open if you have any comments, questions, or concerns. I'd also like to thank everyone for the constant support. It means a lot.

Chapter 16

Gohan rushes over to your side with Krillin in tow. "Wow, Y/N. You really held your own against Frieza. I'm impressed." Krillin praises you.

"Ya, it was so cool!" Gohan exclaims. "I had no idea you were that strong."

"And talk about that transformation." Krillin continues to fawn over your brief display of abilities. "It was unreal."

"I lost." You scowl at the pair in disgust. You swear there's something psychologically wrong with them. This isn't the first time you've seen them praise failure. It's one of their many odd behaviors that you've managed to observe.

Kakarot and Frieza stand mere inches apart, sizing each other up. You never thought this day would come. You've been reduced to nothing more than one of Kakarot's accessories. You feel ill. Piccolo turns to the others, a hint of concern in his voice. "All four of us need to get out of here and go somewhere safe. Quickly."

Gohan and Krillin nod at the Namekian. "Get him, dad! Make him pay for what he did!" It's kinda cute how much the boy admires his father. In a way, it reminds you of the way Vegeta was with your own. Obviously, your brother was far less endearing.

Now, you all stand much farther away. Well, the other three stand. You don't have the energy. Damn, going Super Saiyan is a real energy drainer. "I'm quite surprised." Frieza chuckles with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"And why's that?" Goku asks.

"I've never seen Y/N so fond of someone before." Frieza's gaze jumps from you to Kakarot. "Lord knows Jeice tried."

"That weird little red guy?" Goku looks back, his eyes locking on you. You meet his gaze, glaring daggers at him. "I don't think she likes me that much." He chuckles, turning back to Frieza.

"I differ. Not even her precious Raditz would've gotten away with a stunt like that. I'm surprised she even allowed you to hold her."

"What are they talking about?" Gohan turns to Krillin, who just shrugs. Piccolo, however, has a faint smirk dancing on his lips. You've heard that Namkeians have a heightened sense of hearing. So whatever Frieza and that buffoon are discussing, it must be amusing enough to put a momentary pause on the Namkeian's brooding.

The epic battle between Goku and Frieza begins. They trade blows back and forth, creating rubble across the terrain as they go. You want nothing more than to watch Kakarot wipe the floor with that monster, but you're struggling. You can barely keep your eyes open. So much has happened today. You're both physically and mentally drained. "Y/N?" Gohan turns to you. "Are you alright?"

"Never better." You faintly grin at him.

"Maybe we should get her back to the ship." Krillin looks at Gohan skeptically.

"Touch me, and you won't have to worry about Frieza. I'll end you myself." Krillin gulps, diverting his gaze back onto the battlefield. Even injured, the human is still terrified of you. It's comforting.

Frieza manages to get the upper hand on Goku, knocking the Saiyan into the water. Far too much time for comfort passes. Something's off. You try to focus on his energy, yet you come up flat. You must be weaker than you thought. Maybe Kakarot came up somewhere else? Adrenaline kicks in. You hop up onto your feet without a second thought. "You shouldn't be standing!" The brat scolds you, rushing to your side. "You're too weak."

"This isn't right," Krillin mutters. "Goku should've come up for air by now."

"He's fine. I've been tracking his energy." Gohan assures him as he supports your weight, desperately trying to get you to sit back down. "You heard that right, Y/N. My dad is fine. You don't need to worry about him, alright."

"I'm not worried about Kakarot." You scoff. "If your idiot father insists on getting himself killed, so be it."

"You don't have to say it. I know you care. If you didn't, you would've left already." You grimace, your eyes locking back onto the water. If Kakarot's still under there, he must have a plan. But then again, it's Kakarot. From what you've been able to understand, his plans don't ever seem to have much consistency.

What the hell? The large body of water begins to illuminate. You're not very familiar with Namek's aquatic life, but you're pretty sure none of the creatures here glow. Three balls of energy shoot out of the water. Collectively striking Frieza and knocking him down. Wow. Kakarot may be smarter than you give him credit for. Though you'd never say that to his face.

However, Frieza isn't down for long, quickly jumping back onto his feet. With ease Frieza, lifts a boulder the size of a small island. He tosses the rock into the air, shooting it straight at Goku. The Saiyan manages to catch it. But struggles with the sheer mass of the bolder. He's pushed into another mountain, trapping him between the terrain.

Not even a second passes before Goku shoots a beam, the rock fracturing around him. Allowing the man to easily escape. "You fell for it!" Frieza laughs manically.

Frieza's trapped Kakarot in some sort of bubble. You didn't know the freak had an ability like that. He kicks Goku back and forth as if he was a ball. You'd probably find this situation amusing if this was anyone other than Frieza. The pair continue to go back and forth, causing the whole planet to shake.

The winds pick up, causing their audience to be blown back. You and Piccolo managed to maintain your center of gravity, but the other two went flying. Krillin grabs onto a tree, and Piccolo grabs Gohan by the fabric of his attire. "They're causing an earthquake?" Krillin shouts, clinging onto the tree for dear life.

"But we're not on Earth... so is it still called an earthquake? Maybe it's called a namekquake?" Gohan chuckles.

"I don't think the technicalities really matter right now, Gohan!" Krllin tightens his grip. "Especially if we all die!" The planet stills, causing Krillin to land flat on his face. You laugh at his incompetence. How the hell has he even survived this long? It must be because of the Dragon Balls.

"That's not even the half of it. Frieza could destroy this planet in one blast if he wanted to. He certainly has the power." Piccolo says, his stoic expression not wavering.

"So he's just toying with us?" Krillin glances at Frieza through his peripheral vision. "That bastard."

"He's having fun with Kakarot." You scoff. "We're just a bonus."

Gohan frowns, furrowing his brows. "I-Is my dad gonna be okay?"

"Frieza's not the only one holding back." Piccolo's gaze moves onto Goku. "Look for yourselves."

"Dad!" The boy chuckles. The Namekian may be correct, but you've heard the rumors about Frieza. And if there's any validity to them, this isn't even a speck of Frieza's true power.

Your eyes wander around the rubble of Namek, and you see something... well, someone. For a split second, you thought it was Vegeta. But their build is shorter and far too slim. The name pops into your mind sooner than you'd care to admit. Tarble? You feel as if you're falling further and further into a bottomless abyss.

Your brother is dead... both of them are. Tarble's been dead for years. There's no way he survived in space all on his own. And if the slim chance he did, this would be the last place he'd be. He would never actively look for a fight or put himself in danger. He was always far too timid, far too afraid. Back on your home planet, people would refer to him as your shadow. Wherever you were, Tarble was just two steps behind. Just like... your shadow. You try not to think about him much. But once in a blue moon, thoughts of him slip into your mind. You can't help it.

"Y/N?" Gohan looks at you, concern shining in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Krillin's expression mirrors Gohan's.

"Ya, it's nothing." You shake your head, squinting your eyes. "I just

thought I saw something."

"What did you see?" Gohan turns his head in the direction you were fixated on, only to find nothing.

"I'm just delirious. My eyes are playing tricks on me." You close your eyes, massaging your temples. And just like that, the image is gone. You're losing what's left of your mind.

"Are you sure?" Krillin asks. You nod, not wanting to spend another second on this topic. You direct your attention back onto the battle.

As the battle continues, you hear a motor of some kind. It's heading straight for you. Your head darts towards the source. It's the Earth woman on some sort of pink vehicle. Has she lost her damn mind? She jumps onto the ground, landing in a v-shaped pose. "A perfect ten!" Her voice is more gravelly than you remember. Wait a second. You'd recognize that dorky pose anywhere... It's Ginyu.

"Bulma!" Krillin yelps. "What are you doing here? Do you have any idea how dangerous this place is?" 'Bulma' has his back turned to him, seemingly not listening to a thing he says. You doubt Ginyu even knows her name. "Bulma? Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh? Who's that?" You were right. That fool took her body without even learning her name. Oh, this is great. You begin to laugh hysterically, wiping tears from your eyes. After the day you've had, you really needed this.

"Y/N? What's so funny?" Gohan asks.

"This is the best thing to ever happen on this damn planet. It's so amusing that it hurts." You grab your stomach, wincing in pain from laughing so hard.

"Bulma, you can't be here!" Krillin scolds the false Bulma. "Goku and Frieza are having it out. You need to find somewhere to hide."

"Really?" 'Bulma' jumps up in excitement, moving closer to the direction of the battle.

"Hold on!" Krillin shouts. "Don't just waltz over there. It's too dangerous."

"Lord Frieza in his ultimate form." Ginyu looks on in awe, fangirling over his boss. "Wow. It's magnificent! Frieza's body is reacting to the Saiyan's power!"

Gohan and Krillin share a look. "Bulma?"

A frog leaps in front of Gohan, jumping into his arms. The animal attempts to communicate with him. Making several croaking sounds and lots of gestures. Wait. If Ginyu is in Bulma's body, then Bulma must be... she's the damn frog! Oh, if only Raditz could see this. He'd get a kick out of it. You can practically hear his brash laughter ringing in your ears.

Gohan's eyes widen. "I get it now. You're that Ginyu guy. It's beyond dangerous out here, little buddy. If I were you, I'd find a nice sturdy rock to climb under."

"This is bad," As you watch the battle, Piccolo speaks for the first time in a while. "The gap between their strength is widening."

"It... It can't be." Krillin and Gohan share an uneasy look as Bulma laughs maniacally.

"Bulma?" Krillin questions again, this time more concerned than ever.

"His Lordship Frieza does not disappoint. Victory is his."

"Enough of this. Who are you?" Piccolo questions. Looks like one of the members of Team Kakarot has finally caught on.

"Cap--" Ginyu's hands fling over his mouth, stopping him from finishing his sentence. He struggles to pose in the unfamiliar feminine frame. But quickly, he maneuvers into a fighting stance. His attention concentrated on the Namekian.

"Look out, Piccolo!" Krillin shouts. Unfortunately for Piccolo, the warning comes just a second too late.

"Change now!"

"Head's up!" Gohan shouts, tossing the frog-morphed human straight into the line of fire.

Once the blinding light disperses, everyone's eyes lock on Bulma. Who's standing there frozen in shock. Which means Ginyu must be... You look down to the floor and catch the frog scampering away. You shake your head and snicker. What a coward.

"That was a close one, huh?" Gohan chuckles.

"Ya... If I only knew what happened." The Namekian scratches his head. He seems a bit dazed.

"I'm back! Inner and outer beauty are in perfect harmony once again!" The woman jumps around in pure joy. You'd think being a slimy frog, even just for a few minutes, would've taught her a lesson about vanity. Looks like she hasn't learned a damn thing.

"We're all overjoyed for you. But look, you need to get out of here and find someplace to hide. This is the absolute last place you want---" A harsh gust of wind interrupts Krillin, blasting Bulma back.

Gohan gasps. "Bulma!"

"Save me!" The woman shouts as she's flung up into the air out of view."

You watch in horror as Frieza splits the ground in two, carving a massive trench in the landscape. It extends as far as your eyes can see, even through the waters. You always knew Frieza was the most powerful being you've ever encountered. Yet, this is the first time you've ever contemplated the level of strength he truly possesses. Because viewing him as the strongest being you've ever met is no longer sufficient enough.

"Did that really just happen? This is starting to seem like a one-sided fight." Krillin comments.

"Of course it does. Frieza is stronger than any of us could've even prepared for. The look on Y/N's face should tell you all you need to know. I don't think even she anticipated this." The other two turn to you as Piccolo speaks. The look of dismay clear across your features. "There's nothing else we can do now. He's just too powerful." You never thought you'd see it. It's as if the Namekian has given up entirely. He seems different than he was on Earth. You can't exactly put your finger on it, but something has changed.

The battle, more appropriately labeled as Kakarot's beating, continues. Frieza smacks him around like he's nothing. You watch as Frieza holds Kakarot underwater with only a single limb. That's not good. If Kakarot is so weak that that's all it takes to drown him, you're all in trouble.

For every second that tics on, you have less and less hope. Your mind filling with possible contingency plans for after Kakarot's demise. But not a single one is up to par. And just when you thought Kakarot was down for the count, he comes shooting up from the water. His voice booming louder than ever.

Gohan and Krillin cheer, shouting words of encouragement as they watch in awe. "For Gohan, everyone on Earth, and the future of Namek. I'm not about to give up!" Goku shouts as red energy engulfs his body.

You gasp as he goes right back at Frieza like the last few minutes never happened. If you ignore the whole selfless hero thing, you'd say you're impressed with his resilience. Goku uses the Kaio-Ken technique on Frieza. Frankly, you were impressed with its sheer power. Once the blinding light disappears, your vision clears once again.

And no surprises here; Frieza hasn't moved an inch despite the brute force Kakarot used. To the untrained eye, you'd think that little stunt had no effect on him. Unlucky for you, you're very well versed in Frieza's mannerisms.

"There's no way... Goku put everything he had into that. So how is Frieza still floating there with barely a scratch on him?" Krillin questions in utter disbelief.

"Dad's energy dropped like a rock..."

"There's no way someone this powerful exists." That human is sure shocked a lot. You think he'd learn by now.

"Goku's finished." Piccolo scoffs. "Guess that lunatic King Kai was right. We should've listened when he told us to avoid a monster like Frieza."

"Frieza's off," You speak in almost a whisper, your sights locked on the man. He's relatively unscathed. There's barely a scratch on him, only a few nicks. But you can tell. The slight spasm of his extended hand, almost as if he was shaking. Mixed with his eyes. His eyes give it all away. The twitching mixed with something you thought you'd never see from Frieza. Fear. A being has never come that close to scathing him before.

Three heads dart in your direction. "What do you mean?" Krillin asks you. "He's fine. That blast did nothing to him."

"You don't know Frieza like I do." You chuckle. "Out of the many years I've worked under that snake, not once have I seen him look like that. His physical condition may be fine, but mentally he's off." Frieza's fear is quickly replaced with a much more familiar emotion. Pure rage.

You watch as Frieza knocks the man down. And he continues to pummel Goku into the ground. "Wow. Kakarot's really gotten him all worked up."

"Dad, no!" Gohan tries to run out to his father, but Piccolo grabs his cape, restraining the boy in place.

"You might as well send Y/N back out here!" Frieza mocks. "Even in her injured state, she'd put up a better fight!" He's not wrong. You'd never give up like that. It's pathetic.

"I'm ashamed to even call you a Saiyan, Kakarot!" You shout as Frieza's beating of your fellow Saiyan continues.

"I can't take this anymore!" Gohan shouts. "I can't just stand here. I have to help him!"

"No." Piccolo, yet again, stops Gohan from running into the line of fire.

"But... Dad will die if I don't!"

"He'll die if you do too." You scoff. "You'd only be prolonging the inevitable... and I doubt it would be for long. We're all going to be slaughtered today. I say, if the boy wants to die sooner, let him."

"Don't listen to her. Goku has something up his sleeve. I can tell." Piccolo assures the boy. "But he has such little power left. I have no idea what it could be." Kakarot looks as if he's posing. Maybe he got possessed by Ginyu again. You chuckle to yourself at the thought.

"A spirit bomb!" Krillin abruptly shouts. "It's a special last-ditch move he picked up from King Kai. It gathers all the energy from everything around. The grass, trees, even us. Everything that has a life force."

"But how?" Gohan eyes the older man skeptically. "This place doesn't look like it has much life left."

"I know, but just look down there. It's not like he has many options." He notices the look of concern across Gohan's features, quickly throwing an arm around him. "Besides, your dad knows more about it than us. I bet he'll make it work."

"Oh, yes. Let's just blindly put our faith in Kakarot. When has that strategy ever failed you before?" You sarcastically mumble. "I'm not a gambler when it comes to my life. And if I was, my money's on Frieza."

"Do you always have to be so negative?" Krillin cranes his neck in your direction, his displeasure with you apparent.

"I'll start being more positive when---" And just like that, an idea pops into your head. "Wait. So the more energy Kakarot can get, the better?" Your energy increases significantly in your newly unlocked form. So, if this spirit bomb works as Krillin claims, your new form could still be an asset against Frieza.

"Exactly." Krillin narrows his eyes at you. "Why?" Without a word, you stand back up. You crack your neck, getting into a better stance. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Cause a few minutes ago, you could barely stand without Gohan's help."

You smirk. "I'll be fine, human." You start to scream in a desperate attempt to replicate your original transformation. It's much easier to do than the last time. It's different from the Great Ape one that you're so used to. That one you were born with and had to learn to control. This one you had to unlock. You quickly transform. Your hair changing into a yellow hue, and your eyes glow. You're the Great Super Saiyan again. Now that you're not using it directly in battle, it's less impressive than you imagined as a child. It's sort of anti-climactic. You just need to hold this form as long as possible and hope your body doesn't give out.

Gohan and Krillin stare at you in confusion, but the Namekian chuckles. "Smart." Out of all of Kakarot's little friends, you suppose the Namekian is the most tolerable. Well, he's at least the most intelligent.

"I doubt it will do much." You roll your eyes before moving your gaze back to the battlefield. You can't lie. You do enjoy the look of bewilderment on Frieza's face.

After a few moments, the Namkeian looks around. "What the hell am I sensing?"

Krillin looks up at him. "Like I said---"

All three of you turn to Gohan, who's gazing at the sky in dismay. "The spirit bomb..." The three of you look up, finally seeing what Gohan does. You've never seen a ball of energy that size. Not even when you were flipping planets.

"That can't be it..." Krillin gulps. "It's gigantic."

"Damn." You shake your head. "Well, I guess I'd rather die by Kakarot's hands than Frieza's."

"By the look on your face, Krillin. I'm assuming this one is exceptional." Piccolo looks over to the human.

"The one on Earth wasn't even half that size. He must be collecting energy from all over the universe!"

"Frieza hasn't caught on yet," Piccolo announces. "Why doesn't he use that thing while he has the upper hand?"

"It must not be enough to... you know..." Krillin trails.

"You can say kill. It's not a bad word." You snarl. "You had no problem with it when you tried to murder my brother back on Earth."

"Come on, Dad!" You can hear Gohan shout as you glare at Krillin. "Hit him with everything you got!"

"How long do you intend to just stand there?" Frieza shouts, irritation evident in his voice.

"You know." Goku lets out a breathy chuckle. "That's a very good question." You adore watching the way Kakarot gets under Freieza's skin. Kakarot's antics sure are amusing when you're not the one being subjected to them.

You watch as Freiza twitches before knocking Kakarot back. "Oh, no!" Krillin shouts. "He caught on."

"No, Krillin. I don't think he did."

"The Namekian is right." You grin. "Kakarot's just pissing him off." Goku stands up, returning to his pose. Which only enrages Frieza more.

"I'm not going to ask you again." Frieza continues attacking him. Goku simply ignores his request, going back into the same stance. Your invasive laughter echoes throughout the remnants of the planet as Kakarot's beating counties.

The other three watch in horror with the occasional glance of disbelief at you. "Krillin, Gohan. Transfer any power you can spare to me. Quickly." The pair begin to give their remaining energy to the Namekian.

"What about Y/N?" Gohan asks.

"Right now. I think all of her energy is concentrated on keeping her transformation active." Piccolo chuckles. "Both of your energy will be plenty for what I have in mind. Don't worry."

"What's the big rush, Frieza?" Goku chuckles. "You're so impatient." Moments like this make it clear that there's still some Saiyan left in Kakarot. It might be the only thing attractive about him.

"You dare mock me, ape!" Frieza creates a large blast with his hand. Knocking Goku back further, sending him flying into the water.

"You two!" Piccolo shouts. "Pay no attention to what's going on down there. Just focus your energy." You do wonder what the Namekian has in mind. Neither of those earthlings have much power left. So, it can't be anything too powerful.

"This should be enough." Piccolo shoos them away. "Now listen here and listen well. None of you are to involve yourselves, understand? This is my fight and my fight alone." You scoff. It's like Vegeta never died.

"But---" Before Gohan can raise any opposition, the Namekian shuts him down.

"You'd only get in my way. You gave me all your remaining energy."

As Piccolo leaves the rest of you, Gohan speaks up again. "We can't just let him do this. He'll get himself killed."

"He's not trying to go after Frieza." You chuckle. "He's going to attempt to buy Kakarot sometime. It's a suicide mission... and he knows it."

"We can't just let him---"

"Then what's your plan?" You scoff. "You need to stop jumping the gun. I used to be just like that, too. You're gonna get yourself killed if you keep this up. How would your death help the Namekian?"

"It... wouldn't." Gohan sighs.

"Exactly. So stay there and shut up."

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" Krillin turns to you. "He's just a---"

"You shut up, too!" You cut the human off. " I didn't know children were omitted from death on your planet." You sarcastically mumble.

While Frieza is distracted by Kakarot's idiocy, Piccolo finally strikes. Sending Frieza flying back and out of view. A sneak attack. Not a bad strategy. But that kind of thing only works once. You know that when Frieza returns, he'll be less than pleased.

"Piccolo!" Goku shouts in relief.

"Ya, ya. Just hurry up and finish that thing before he comes back."

"I owe you one." Goku gets back into his stance to finish the spirit bomb.

"You better make it quick. That sneak attack is the only thing I can manage right now."

Frieza launches back over. A vein bulging from his forehead. "How is that Namekian still drawing breath? I thought they've all been taken care of." You just love it when Frieza is enraged. It fills you with joy.

"Goku... hurry it up! How much longer do you need to finish that damn thing? Cause something tells me that Frieza is losing his patience."

"I'm sorry." Goku grunts. "I just need a bit more time."

"Ugh." Piccolo groans. "Just throw it already."

"No. It's still not done. It's too weak. If I throw it now, it'll do nothing!" Piccolo scoffs at him, flying up into the air.

"Too pesky to live but too stubborn to die," Frieza smirks at him.

"You're going to eat those words, scum." You watch, waiting to see who'll throw the first blow.

"What's he doing now?" Gohan asks.

"I think he's going to sacrifice himself. He can't have much power left after that move he just pulled. Since Goku's not done yet, I think Piccolo's trying to buy him some time." Wow, the human is observant for once. You assume there's a first time for everything.

"I told you he was going on a suicide mission." You cross your arms, wondering how this will all play out. You know it'll probably end with the Namekian splattered across the landscape. But the moments that lead to that are far more interesting to you.

"Goku... hurry it up! How much longer do you need to finish that damn thing? Cause something tells me that Frieza is losing his patience."

"I'm sorry." Goku grunts. "I just need a bit more time."

Piccolo groans. "Just throw it already."

“I don’t think Piccolo can last much longer… he’s really taking a beating.” Krillin looks on in horror.

"We have to help him!" Gohan starts to fly towards the two men. You shake your head. The boy has learned nothing. If he refuses to adhere to your warning, there's nothing more you can do for him.

"Gohan, wait!" Krillin's voice stops him dead in his tracks. He doesn't speak another word, just shaking his head at Gohan.

You roll your eyes. "As I said before, You'd just get in the way. You'd be more of a hindrance than an asset. Don't be stupid. That job belongs to your moronic father." You look away from the earthlings, directing your attention to the battle. The Namekian is far too weak to provide you with any kind of entertainment. The only attacks he can manage are several small yellow energy disks.

"How can someone so resilient be so dumb?" Frieza mutters. You've often pondered the same question about Kakarot. "You must have a death wish, Namekian."

"We're at the end of our rope, Goku. Finish the damn thing!" With little effort, Frieza slams Piccolo onto the ground. "That's all I got. Please tell me you're almost done."

Goku shakes his head. "It's still not finished yet. If I throw it now, this all would've been for nothing."

Frieza grabs Piccolo by the collar. "Say goodbye, Namkeian. You get to die on your home planet. You should be thankful. The others aren't so lucky. Thanks to me, two of them don't even have one to die on." Before Frieza can kill him, Krillin and Gohan shoot a collective blast at Frieza with the minuscule energy they have left. Stopping yet another murder attempt. Frieza's three for three for his assassinations on this damn rock. That's not a bad stat in general, but it is terrible for Frieza.

"You... pests!" Frieza shrieks. "I hope you all end up suffering the same fate as this damn planet!" You've never seen Frieza look this unhinged. You've seen him pissed off countless times, but never to this degree. You watch as Frieza starts another attack. The ball of energy from his palms growing larger and larger by the second.

"Goku..." Krillin chuckles nervously. "It doesn't look like we have much time left!"

"Okay... Okay. I think it's ready!"

"Come on then!" Piccolo shouts. "Throw it!"

"Now, Dad!"

"While we're still young, Kakarot!" Wow, all of you are on the same page for once. Maye hell has frozen over? Goku screams, launching the spirit bomb at Frieza. "Holy shit..." That monstrosity absorbs Frieza's entire attack like it was nothing.

"Get down!" Piccolo shouts. Everyone falls to the ground, the spirit bomb causing severe damage to Namek's landscape... well what was left of it. The harsh winds send you all flying up into the air. The planet has turned entirely into a body of water. And you're thrown right into it. You weren't really intending to go for a swim today. Guess you have no choice now.

You grab onto some rock, pulling yourself up, gasping desperately for air. "I hate this vile planet!" You laugh as your eyes land on the earthlings staring at you with wide eyes. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Y/N!" Gohan exclaims, running over to you. The boy practically tackles you. Wrapping his arms around you, clinging onto you for dear life. "You're okay!" Your body goes rigid. You're not used to this. As you've said multiple times already. Physical affection isn't something your people partake in.

Krillin walks over to you, a faint grin on his features. "I never thought I'd say this, but oh boy, I am happy to see you."

Gohan finally releases you from his tight embrace. "Did you sense my dad or Piccolo down there?"

You shake your head. "I can barely sense myself right now, Gohan." You look around, taking in Namek's drastic remodel. The once vibrant planet is now drowning. This isn't exactly a foreign sight to you. For many years, your job was to destroy and flip planets for profit. You scan the area, searching for any source of life. You'd like to say you're looking for Kakarot or the Namekian, but that isn't true. You can't help but search for Frieza. That man has terrorized you since you were a small child. It's hard for you to believe he's gone. You can't ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Everything just feels far too easy.

"Hey, over there!' Gohan points to another area. "I see something!" A green hand grabs onto a rock. Using all his strength, Piccolo pulls himself up, dragging Goku with him.

Your lips unconsciously curve upwards at the sight. What the hell is happening to you? You should've wanted Kakarot dead. The idea of getting rid of him and Frieza in one blast should have been joyful... but it wasn't. You were worried? Upset? You don't know how to define your emotions for this hypothetical scenario.

Though, Kakarot is the only other member of your race alive. With Vegeta and Raditz dead, you and Kakarot are the only things left of your home. And when you're both dead... it will be as if your planet never existed. Like your species never existed. The Saiyan race would be nothing but a distant memory... a tale of the past.

"Goku!" You hear the human shout. You see Kakarot there. He's alive. And yet, you can't help but think about what things would've been like if he wasn't.

The reality of everything begins to set in. Frieza, Raditz, Vegeta, they're all dead. And yet, you're still standing. For the first time in your life, you're truly alone. What do you do now? Where are you supposed to go? It's not like you have a home to go back to.

Your brother would know what to do. He always knew what to do. You feel so lost. You try to think about what Vegeta's next steps would be. First, he'd kill Kakarot, obviously. And with Frieza gone, taking over the universe would be a piece of cake. The Frieza Force is weak, but their soldiers are malleable. But is that what you want? Do you want to rule the universe?

That was Vegeta's dream. Not yours. You always just went along with his whims. Ruling the universe with Vegeta would've involved a lot of work; without him, it is next to impossible. The plan was always for Vegeta to do all the work, and you'd selfishly reap all the benefits. Without your brother, you don't desire to dominate the universe. But if you're not going to take over the universe, then what the hell are you going to do?

You watch their little reunion from a distance. It's filled with hugs and happiness... and all of the other shit you find nauseating. Frieza's dead... you should be happier than ever. Yet you're not. You feel... numb? You've never felt this lost in your life. Whatever is left of Raditz and Vegeta is somewhere underwater now. That is if their bodies weren't destroyed by Frieza's trench. Saiyans don't mourn. They suck it up and move on. That's what your father did after your mother died in childbirth with you and Tarble. Yet... you're melancholy. It's almost bitter-sweet. But mostly bitter.

Goku frowns, and starts to look around. Like he's searching for something, "Where's-" His eyes lock on you, a grin quickly replacing the frown on his lips.

You slowly saunter over to them. "You actually lived." You shake your head at the buffoon. "Color me surprised."

"Does that mean you're happy to see me?"

You roll your eyes, chuckling. "You really just hear what you want, don't you, Kakarot?"

"Man, that spirit bomb was a doozy. It was like the size of a planet." And they're back to their little celebration. Who are you kidding? It never ended.

"You better believe it was, Krillin. The hopes and dreams of the entire universe were packed into that thing." Goku looks at you from the corner of his eye. "And maybe a bit of extra help from Y/N, too."

"I was still afraid that you got caught in it."

"Come on, Gohan." Piccolo chuckles, ruffling the boy's hair. "Give your father and I some credit."

"Well, I guess it's time to head home with our heads held high. Might even have the chance to live the dream." Krillin announces.

"Huh?" The father-son duo looks at him in collective confusion.

Krillina laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "You're seriously going to make me spell out what's at the top of my victory list, aren't you?" His face flushes bright red. "A girlfriend."

You sneer in disgust. "Humans are such pathetic creatures." The other three stare at Krillin in surprise before breaking out into laughter. You'll never understand any of them. And you don't desire to.

Once the initial adrenaline passes, everyone's now standing. Goku has one arm around Krillin, the other placed on top of his son's head. "You all ready to go? My spaceship should be able to get us back home in just under six days."

Gohan jumps in joy. "Yay! I get to see everyone in less than a week."

Goku grins at his son before turning to you. "You're more than welcome to come with us."

"It's not like there's any other way off this damn rock." You look away, avoiding his gaze. Great, you get to go from one horrid planet to another. You can't even pick which one is worse. Namek, which is a shell of its former self. Or Earth, which is home to some of the weakest, most pathetic creatures you've ever encountered.

Your ears perk up as Krillin screams. "What is it?" Goku asks, alarm dripping from his voice.

"Bulma's out there somewhere. And I totally forgot." He looks terrified. It's the same way the human typically looks at you.

"Come on, Krillin." Goku laughs. "Don't scare us like that. From the look on your face, I thought that Frieza was back."

"Ya, well, he's got nothing on her when she's pissed off." Really? He finds the Earth women terrifying? You've seen insects with a higher power level than her. You doubt the earth woman has eradicated entire species when she was angry. It must be an exaggeration.

The others laugh, but you aren't amused. "Don't make me laugh." Goku chuckles more, gripping his side. "My body's already mad enough at me as it is."

You stare at your reflection in the water as the Namekian speaks. You look like crap. You desperately need sleep. You look back up and see the earthling, his mouth hanging ajar; he's practically shaking in fear. You turn your head to see what he's staring at. Laughter escapes your lips. It's Frieza. You knew it. You knew it seemed too fucking easy.

"How can this be happening? There's no way someone could survive a blast like that and not get obliterated." Krillin looks on in utter disbelief.

"He's not just anyone. He's Frieza...." Your voice trails.

Frieza extends his arm, shooting a blast at Goku and Gohan. Piccolo jumps in, knocking the pair out of the way. Taking the impact of the blast entirely. "Piccolo!" Gohan screams, falling to his knees.

"He's alive..." You cross your arms over your chest. "At least for now."

Gohan gets up and rushes over to the Namekians' side. "Piccolo... please get up."

You watch as Kakarot clenches his fists, his knuckles turning milky white. "Bravo, my friend." You don't think you've ever heard Frieza refer to someone as a friend. Pest, sure, but a friend? Never. It's unnerving. "You nearly brought the mighty Frieza down. I've never had a call quite that close before."

Goku's gaze darts from Frieza to you all. "I want you all to get out of here. My ship isn't far. Grab Piccolo, find Bulma, and set a course for Earth." Why is everyone always so bossy? First Vegeta, then the Namekian, and now Kakarot. Who’s gonna try to boss you around next? The brat? "I'm not leaving. So don't get any ideas about waiting for me." His eyes lock on his son, who's in a trance-like state. "Snap out of it, Gohan!"

"I won't!" The brat stubbornly stands his ground; how Saiyan-like. "I owe it to Piccolo to stay and fight." Gohan starts to tear up.

"With what?" Goku questions. "None of you have enough strength left. The most you'd do is get in the way."

"Goku..." Krilin's voice trails. "You're serious."

"I advise against placing much stock in your vessel. But if you'd like, I can bring you much closer to home." That sounds mildly threatening. You know he's not talking about your home. All that's left of your homeworld is most likely a handful of rocks floating aimlessly somewhere in space.

"Krillin! Look out!" Gohan shouts. Frieza takes control of Krillin's body, blasting him high into the air.

"Frieza... don't do it!" Begging will only encourage him further. You don't see a way where any of you make it off of this planet alive.

"Goku!" Krillin shouts as he dangles in the air. With a clench of Frieza's fist, the human implodes. Talk about going out with a bang. You don't even see a body. He must have... disintegrated.

"You are a ruthless... heartless... bastard." Kakarot's fists remain clenched, his entire body vibrating.

Frieza laughs mockingly. "I think the pretty princess should go next." He extends his index finger in your direction. "And after I take care of her, it'll be the brat's turn." Frieza shoots a blast of energy straight toward you. It all happens so fast that any attempt to move would be in vain.

You can feel the heat of the energy against your armored chest. Yet there's no pain. The beam reflects off your chest as if you were made entirely of rubber. Frieza dodges out of the way, just barely evading his own attack.

"What the hell?" You mutter to yourself. You look down. Your armor is the same... but your chest is glowing. You reach into your armor, pulling out your necklace, holding it by the chain. This is the source of the light; the stars of the charm are shining. It's never done that before. Your necklace... it saved you?

"What kind of damn trick was that Y/N?"

"I- I have no idea." You grasp the charm in your hand. It feels warm, an odd, comforting familiarity you can't describe. Where the hell did your father actually get this thing?

Frieza is about to speak again, but his attention quickly focuses on Kakarot. Whose anger has only seemed to grow. Beams of light shoot all over the planet. It almost resembles lightning. He must like Krillin more than all his other friends you had slaughtered back on Earth. The waters form waves, and rocks shoot everywhere. "I will make you suffer!" Now, this is a version of Kakarot you can get behind. His hair flickers from black to blonde. No way... he can't be.

With one final shriek, he transforms right before your eyes. His hair was now in a semi-permanent state of blonde, with his eyes a much lighter shade. Kakarot... is a Super Saiyan. "Holy shit..."

"Both of you go. Take Piccolo with you, and get the hell out of here." It's clear this isn't a request. "Find Bulma, find the ship, and go." Gohan hesitates, not moving. "Do as I say now before I lose what little sense of reason I have left!"

"O-Okay." Gohan nods, rushing back over to Piccolo.

"Move as fast as you can, and don't look back. If Piccolo dies, then Kami dies... and I don't think I have to remind you what happens after that." And still, after all of this, his priority is resurrecting his pathetic friends. Unbelievable.

"What are you trying to say?" Gohan's voice shakes.

"I'm saying go without me. Get back home; I'll be there when I can."

"But... if we take your ship, you'll be stuck here. You'd have no way to get home."

"I'm your father! Don't talk back to me!" Goku snaps. "Just do as I say!"

"Alright, Dad." Gohan nods. "I'll see you at home." Gohan picks up Piccolo, flying out of view."

After his son is gone, Goku turns to you. "That means you too."

"But I wanted to watch..." You pout.

He scoffs. "I'm not asking, Y/N."

You place your hands on your hips, rolling your eyes at the man. "You sound like Vegeta."

Goku takes several steps toward you. Now, standing directly in front of you. "Stop being a stubborn brat and listen!"

You chuckle. "Now you really sound like Vegeta."

"I'm not playing this game." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Now get the hell out of here!"

"I never knew you could yell so much." You smirk.

"Well, that's because yelling seems to be the only damn thing you respond to!" He snaps.

"That's not---" Wait. Have you been conditioned to only listen when someone's screaming at you?

"Now, I'd happily entertain you any other goddamn day of the year, but not now." He takes a deep breath. "Now go before I lose my damn patience."

"Man, now you really sound like---" You're cut off by Kakarot's lips pressing against your own. The warm sensation causes your heart to flutter. Your eyes widen. Your breath catching in the back of your throat.

"How about now? Do I sound like Vegeta now?" You touch your lips. Did... Did that just happen? "Now go!" He takes a deep breath, seeming to have calmed down a bit. "When I return to Earth, we can get back to what we started before. So you'll get a turn, too. I'll gladly fight you... or fuck you if that's what you'd like instead. Maybe both if you listen." You choke on air. Who the fuck is this? Cause this isn't the Neanderthal Kakarot. Your brain is short-circuiting. "Just wait for me, alright. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"A-Alright." You're not sure if you love or hate this new Kakarot. You take a deep breath and regain your frosty attitude. "Don't die. Or do. I don't give a damn what happens to this planet. Well, it's not much of a planet anymore, is it." You fly up into the air.

"Hey!" He calls out to you one last time. "Take care of Gohan for me while I'm gone."

You grin, shaking your head. "You really are a terrible father!"

#dragon ball x reader #goku x reader #dbz x reader #saiyan reader #dragon ball fanfiction #the princess of all sayians

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faecaptainofdreams · 1 year ago

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~Through the Nomad’s Eyes~

“It's not terribly often.

A few times a month, I'd say -- sometimes less.

Depends how much trouble I get in.

Day is dark with smoke, my vision is full of embers.

My eyes burn, the fires are hot.

Birds chirpin', people talkin' is replaced with screams.

Tall, proud buildings are suddenly collapsing.

I hear children cryin'...

I see dirt roads and pavement painted red.

Stalls and homes fall to stone and ash.

The smell is...indescribable.

Those screams...

It's unbelievable, what...godless sounds come out of a person, when they're bein' burned and mangled...

Or shot...

Or trampled...

Or crushed by debris...

The ground shakes, glass shatters.

It's pure chaos, but it's only a second.

Then, I blink my eyes...

And it's all over.

And my heart stops racin', and the ice in my veins melts.

'N I'm okay.

This doesn't usually happen when I'm somewhere peaceful.

Naw, it's usually when I'm gettin' myself into trouble helpin' folks.

Wherever there's a fire, when I hear screamin', when there's panic.

It affected me worse when I was younger, but I've learned how to push through it now.

It helps to remind myself that it's over, but...I know it'll always be with me.

I'll always be haunted by that day.

By the screams, and...by them gettin' quieter...

By the blood.

By the ash, the flames, the rumblin' of the earth.

By the empty vessels I climbed over -- bodies, people.

People someone loved.

Mothers.

Fathers.

Babies...

I'll always see those faces; sometimes when I close my eyes, they're lookin' back at me, hollow.

I knew some'a them...

People who took care'a me.

That day is the reason I look back, why I can't stay out'a harm's way.

Because I know what happens when hearts grow dark, what hurt and twisted people do to other people.

Maybe I can make a difference, maybe I can't, but I gotta try.

I want to prove that love, that patience and time, can change fate, can tame temper.

I know what it means to be helpless, and when I see someone else livin' that, it makes me ill.

I know that hurt people hurt people, that someone failed them, too.

When I see disaster, I gotta run to it.

I'm sorry...

But I gotta.

Because if I do nothin' even though I had the chance, then it's my fault.

It's not rational, but don't ask me to change...'cos I can't...

Don't feel sad for me, now.

In my heart, I really feel...good.

Yes, I hurt a lot, and I feel guilty.

I punish myself when I can't save somebody.

Sometimes I don't love myself like I should, I don't take care'a me.

Sometimes I think, "It shoulda been me."

Sometimes I feel...worthless...but I really know better.

If I didn't, I wouldn't feed and take care'a myself like I do, and play and have fun, right?

I like livin', I like bein' happy.

...

If I run into danger, and someone comes out alive or better off on the other end because of it, I've succeeded.

If I run into danger and all that happens is I got a whoopin', well...reckon I had it comin'.

Who am I to say what's what?

But yeah, generally, I feel good.

Minus the memories, the nightmares sometimes, I often sleep real good at night.

I can smile, and laugh play and sing and see what's beautiful in life.

This life is painful, and scary, but it's also miraculous.

We're all here on a whim; the odds of us existing are so against us, and yet here we stand.

A universe, cold and empty and quiet, full'a nothin'...

It's such a divine gift to be here, to learn and think and share life with others.

To make new life, to lay down past life, to cry and grow and nurture.

All from the same place, from dust to dust, to one day all return to that same place.

Ooh, it makes my hair stand up!

Doesn't it you?

I see fire...

I see blood...

I see death...

But when that passes, I see joy, and nature, and all of us together.

I see life blooming, new beginnin's unfolding.

I see us learning from what we live through.

The past haunts me, but I won't live in it.

I'll just look back at it -- and that's okay.

It's okay to look back.

I'll just let it inspire me.

Don't try to turn my head when ya see me lookin' over my shoulder.

It'll release me when it's done."

#wander over yonder #woy #woy fanart #ptsd #no that isnt Harvax LOL #just his species though #more to come on the species later

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thenightfolknetwork · 11 months ago

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Im a nypmh. A forest nymph specifically. My days are spent dancing and singing and existing in the forest I was born to. Its great really. My forest is even protected so I dont need to worry about any sapios coming in an bothering me!

But Im also trans. Im a guy. But nymphs are supposed to be feminine and Im. Not. Ive already felt myself loosing connection with this forest as I begun transitioning. Im scared that if I fully transition, Ill lose it entirely. Can that happen? Or is the forest just disappointed in me?

Should I stop my transition? Ive tried to communicate with the forest but she wont respond to me when I bring it up. Im just not sure what to do

I'm sorry your forest seems to be struggling with your transition, reader. However, I think there is plenty of reason to stay optimistic here. You know as well as anyone that, if a powerful nature spirit really doesn't want you around, you'd know about it. The fact you still have a connection with her means she still wants you to have a connection with her.

You're correct in saying that nymphs tend to be female, but my understanding is that this is a linguistic matter rather than a biological one. The word we use for females of your genus is “nymph”, while males with similar cultural identities tend to be referred to as “satyrs”.

Your feeling of disconnect are very likely more related to how you perceive yourself rather than how the forest is perceiving you. The fact is, you cannot simultaneously think of nymphs as inherently feminine, and of yourself as a nymph, while also respecting and celebrating your own masculine identity.

Your forest can feel that inner conflict. She can see you're no longer comfortable with your identity as a nymph, but doesn't have the tools to help you through that discomfort. All she can do is try to give you space, loosening her hold on you and allowing you the freedom to make your own choices.

So, what are those choices, exactly? For one thing, I certainly don't think stopping your transition is a good idea. Your gender is not defined by your body, and a lack of medical transition won't make you any less male.

It also won't solve the underlying issue – that you, as a man, do not feel able to identify as a nymph. In fact, I suspect it will serve to disconnect you even more from your body and your forest, with the pain of dysphoria acting as a constant reminder of the authentic, masculine self you're trying to hide.

Instead, I recommend either unpacking your gendered assumptions around being a nymph, or embracing a positive, male alternative identity for yourself. Do you feel able to say of yourself, “I am a man and a nymph and these do not contradict each other”? Or would you be more comfortable identifying as a satyr or some other identity that feels more affirming?

There isn't a right answer here. You need to find something that works for you. But you do need to make that decision, and try to heal this conflict inside you.

As you do, I feel certain your connection with your forest will bloom anew – different than it was, perhaps, but also more authentic, connecting not with a mere idea or aspiration, but with the man you truly are.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

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daisyblinder · 2 years ago

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Oooohh so happy to see your requests open and congrats on 1k!! Could you do head cannons of the Peaky Boys with an SO who gets night terrors/really bad dreams? Currently dealing with this situation myself 🫠

I'm so sorry to hear that darling 🥺🧡 I hope this makes you feel at least a little better, though I know when sleeping is difficult it really bleeds into other aspects of your life as well 🤗 (big hug coming to you)

Peaky boys with an SO who has night terrors

🦋Arthur

🦋 Arthur knows a thing or two about night terrors. He used to have them every single night when he came back from France

🦋 When he notices you making sudden movements in your sleep, breath shallowing or tears running down your face, he will gently start stroking your hair and arm while saying your name

🦋 He doesn't want to wake you up with a start but he wants to pull you away from the terror as soon as possible

🦋 When you finally wake up, he will pull you against him tightly, and I mean so tightly that you feel like there is not even air separating you

🦋 He does it because he wishes he could take away your terror that way, but he knows he can't. So he cries with you but he cries of feeling helpless in not being able to help you

🦋 Arthur will try to gently get you to tell him about what's causing it or what they are about but if you react negatively he will shut his questions immediately

🦋 If you don't want to sleep for the rest of the night, he will stay awake with you. Playing cards, listening to you read, drawing...

🦋 He also makes sure you are able to nap. He sneaks you into his office and claims that he has a job for you but in truth he has made Finn and John carry in a sofa so you can try to catch some sleep while he is working next to you

🦋 Makes sure that you don't have to sleep without him when you are having a bad time with the night terrors, so he makes excuses to why he can't go run errands in a different city

🦋 "Can't go to London, me chicken is ill"

🦋 When you hear him say that on the phone, you feel bad but can't help giggling and once he hangs up, you hug him from behind, overwhelmed by affection

🦋 "I'm no bloody chicken"

🦚 Thomas

🦚 Tommy is also a certified expert on night terrors

🦚 But he won't let you try his methods to cure yours

🦚 Whereas Arthur is more gentle and stops prodding if you don't wish to speak, Tommy will prod till he sees you are truly at your limit

🦚 He doesn't do it to me be mean but Tommy is keen on having control, and not having control over something that is clearly hurting you, agitates him

🦚 When he notices the signs you are having a nightmare, he will gently shake you awake

🦚 Once you do, he will shush your cries softly while cupping your face, making you look him in the eyes

🦚 He will whisper the softest things to you

🦚 "Shh, sweetheart, look at me. Love, look at me. Nothing is coming to get you. There we go, my beautiful darling, all safe and sound here with me"

🦚 If you wish to open up to him right away, the two of you will lie facing each other, noses almost touching while he takes in every word

🦚 He will always give you a massage after your nightmares to relax you

🦚 After Thomas is done massaging you, he starts running his fingers along your back while talking to you about something that will take your mind somewhere else

🦚 If you don't feel like sleeping anymore, that is what you do for the rest of the night, but if you do sleep; Thomas will continue his ministrations to make sure you sleep well

💋John

💋John will want to pull you away from your terrors in a flash, that is why he can sometimes shake you awake or call out to you a little too roughly

💋 But once you awaken, he will become the gentlest of men

💋 He will pull your face to the crook of his neck, knowing that his scent and proximity will remind you of safety even in your frazzled state

💋 John is not the most tactful with words so he will keep gently stroking your back while whispering one thing he knows you love hearing

💋 "I'm here, love, Johnny's here"

💋 He will not prod you to talk to him, he knows that if you want to talk, you will. So he just continues his soothing ministrations till you give a cue you want something else

💋 One thing John is also set on, is making sure you are snuggled up in blankets. He knows how the softness and the warmth can feel like a fort against all evil, so he will bundle you up

💋 He will also manage to make you laugh, without actually trying. John is dead set on not leaving you alone even for a minute, so when you ask him for water, he makes you go with him to the kitchen to get it

💋 And if you don't want to, he kind of forgets the beginning of the situation and gets pissy

💋 That's what makes you laugh and forget the terror for a minute. Because it's those moments that you realize how much John truly loves you

💋 When you come back from your water drinking trip, he sits against the headboard of the bed and pulls you to sit between his legs, against his chest

💋 In that position you can feel his breathing, his heartbeat and the soothing vibration of his voice when he speaks. After a while he always taps at his chest

💋 "Feel that, love? It beats to keep you safe and loved"

#peaky blinders #arthur shelby #arthur shelby x reader #thomas shelby #peaky blinder imagine #thomas shelby x reader #john shelby x reader #john shelby

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coraniaid · 1 year ago

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The scenes with Angel attempting to help Faith in Consequences are really hard for me to analyse.

On the one hand, it really does seem that we're meant to think that Angel's pitch is getting through to Faith, and that Wesley's ill-judged intervention is the only reason it doesn't work (that's certainly the position that Buffy herself argues for later in the episode). But, on the other hand, whether you believe Faith is already showing signs of feeling guilty about killing Finch or not (and I would agree with Buffy that she is), Angel's actual approach to the situation is to

chain up a girl who has so far killed exactly one person, by mistake; then

tell her that he knows what she's going through because he used to kill people deliberately all the time (something Faith has not yet done); and

that he found it "exhilirating ... like a drug" (surely unlike Faith, who has only ever argued that she doesn't care about killing somone, not that she liked it or plans to do it again); and

that he only stopped because he got given a soul (something Faith already has).

Perhaps I cannot fault Angel for projecting all his own weird personal issues onto Faith like this -- I will, after all, concede that I am part of the projecting-your-own-issues-onto-Faith-Lehane side of Tumblr myself -- but surely none of this is actually helpful? "I know what you're going through, because I too have gone through [something objectively different on every level]; luckily the solution for me was [something that won't help you]". And at the end of the episode, when Faith gets free, she immediately decides to do something that -- whether the writers intended this reading or not -- looks an awful lot like "consciously trying to behave like a soulless Angel right after he persuaded her they were actually the same". Because, as Faith herself puts it to Buffy: "it was good, wasn't it? The sex? The danger? Bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho". It really doesn't seem that Faith learned the intended lesson from Angel's speech.

(The irony here, of course, is that Buffy does know somebody who accidentally killed a person while trying to look cool in front of his gay crush. Somebody who knows all about the guilt of unintentionally taking a human life and having to live with it afterwards. Somebody who the show was happy to remind us about last year when Buffy thought she'd accidentally killed a human, but who is conspiciously quiet about that aspect of his past this year and in fact argues against the idea that Faith can be helped at all. But then, as Giles is at pains to reassure Buffy this episode, he is only pretending to be on Faith's side.)

#btvs

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glamorousnightmares · 2 months ago

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TW: g0re art, f3t1ish art, mental illness

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've made a sincere post and really been on here. I apologize to my online friends who I feel like I've abandoned, my irl life has gotten quite busy.

It's taken me too long to make a post about this but I think it's time to finally face my fear and admit to somethings I never even wanted to think about again. No one made any callouts or did anything to scare me into this, I just want to rid myself of feeling so guilty about the things I've done. It isn't easy to come on here and talk about it, but I need to address what I've done so that I won't hide it any longer than I have. All of everything i talk about is public and I'm mixed on if i will take it down just so I can be reminded of who I was before and to never, ever return to anything like it again.

A few years back, 2021 I think, I got on Tumblr for the very first time. I was not ready for anything like this and I should have waited until I got right in the head space to get on a platform like this. Before then, I had a discord, which I spewed so many words I no longer agree with or stand by. I have changed and grown over the years, almost a new person but with the scars of my past always leaning over me. I didn't fully understand what I was talking about or what I said. To be clear, it wasn't a slur or something, it was a really shitty take on something I thought was right but now I see is severly fucked up. I no longer stand by what i said. I won't get into the details, but if you want them just dm me and ask. If nothing else, this is a callout to myself and who I was before.

Now the worst part and what still haunts me to this day. (To preface, this is where the tw starts, tread carefully.) When I first got my tumblr, I didn't know the dangers of the internet fully. I didn't think about any actions I did, I just wanted to be seen. I will be blunt, I reblogged g0re art and f3tish gore art because of multiple reasons. (None of which are right don't get me wrong)

1. I was not and will never EVER be attracted to anything like that, it was NOT a f3t1sh thing, my brain was just attached to it because of some fucked up things of my past. I won't get specific, that's just what I wanted to see and reblog at the time. I've blocked out a lot of it to be honest, so i don't remember some of why I looked at/ shared such horrible images. Thinking about it now makes me sick and I want nothing more than to bring to light what I've done and seen so that no one will use something like this against me or hurt others with it. It was a sort of "comfort the disturbed, disturb the comforted" type thing.

2. It would shock those I talked to and make me look "insane" and "crazy" so I could be different. I hate those people now and I refuse to ever be like that again, and remembering who I was and how it affected others makes me steer clear of ever even considering being like it again. G0re art and f3t1sh g0re art will never ever be allowed on my blog or anywhere near it again. I wish I could go back and erase all of it, and I have done my best to do so. If you see anything like that, please for the love of God don't interact with it. If you are hurting to the point where you feel as if you need to or are hurting others, please seek help. You are not alone and there is always a brighter day. If you are thinking about doing anything like what any of those pictures showed, please tell someone close to you and do not hurt yourself or anyone around you. Someone will always listen and cares about you, I promise.

Another thing was the way I treated others back then was shitty, and while I had so much fun with everyone that I met, talked to, or just had a few interactions with, I hold all of them incredibly close to my heart. I will try to interact on here more and do my best to be a better person with strong morals and the best intentions.

Saying all of this leads me to one thing I should have said more back then; I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was like that and how I treated others. I'm sorry I had to put all of you through that just because of things going on in my own life. You all deserved better and I needed to be better.

Living with what I've done, said, and shown had been tough, I'm not going to lie. I'm not trying to make it a sob story, I'm just being honest. But it was important to who I am today and what it makes me as a person. Was it right? No, it never will be no matter how much I try to justify it. But learning from it and taking away the lessons is more important than anything. I hope this could clear some air and shine light on who I was so that I will never become like that again, hurting others and only showing and being the worst the world has to offer. Making not the world, but at least some corner of it brighter and better than It was will be my main goal now. I no longer want to be hurtful, I want to help those who need it. If there is one thing I will strive for, it is to be better.

With love and high hopes,

-Glam☆

#ive been putting this off for too long tbh #maybe ill take a break. maybe ill keep shitposting. who knows #long rant #drink water #keep yalls selves safe ok?

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jyndor · 1 year ago

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im the anon you told to fuck off here to say thank you.

i had read about terrorist organizations using that slogan and i had a gut reaction. im a jew and i fear for both muslims and jews with everything that is going on right now. because i read what you wrote and i researched again and i see where propaganda got the better of me (even if those words have been used by terrorists). and i see time and time again where propaganda gets the better of most of us on something as fast paced as the internet.

as i read i remembered. the naz*s took a symbol that was once peaceful and turned it into something the world cannot look at the same way ever again-entirely their fault not the fault of the original culture from which the symbol came.

i dont want to see that happen with words that are truly important and stand for something i do believe in which to be clear: is a free and peaceful palestine where no one has to live in fear.

in saying what i did based off of a gut reaction i made a mistake. i did the same thing i hate from others on the internet which is speaking on an issue before doing further research and i am ashamed of that.

but i am also committed to learning and doing better tomorrow. no one can become an expert in any part of this as quickly as plenty have claimed to. im writing this to share my perspective and as a reminder of fallibility for whatever that is worth.

i think its important for ensuring we dont become what we wish to stand against.

thanks again for sharing your research. you told me to fuck off but ill sign off by wishing you well

anon I'm shook no okay so hold! on the fucking off pls do not fuck off I recant the fucking off. its how I handle anons (I'll explain later) until yall prove you're not trolling or bots or whatever.

it's worth a LOT. like really it's worth a lot. Unfuck off, I would love more people in my orbit who don't just critically engage with criticism but also go on to look into it for themselves. instead of just taking my or someone else's word for it. I try to do that myself because I can be such a fucknugget and sometimes need a good smack lol.

I just want to say I'm sorry that you're experiencing the fear you're experiencing. and um I have jewish cousins and family who I am scared for always, I try not to bring them up bc it feels kind of gross in this context but yeah, I don't want to invalidate your fears.

I mean what the n*zis did with that symbol is a whole other thing and I don't feel like I should speak on it other than to say fuck n*zis they ruin everything they touch. I liken this more to the way that black lives matter gets misconstrued because I know more about the history of that phrase than I do about that symbol you're talking about. I also don't like to bring up n*zism in the context of israel/palestine because actually almost every time I have seen that comparison with israel, it is a cheap shot at jewish people. Like in a youtube comments section or something, not thoughtful discourse - because tbh these are very, very different situations and the comparisons could be made of almost any other genocide, but like the commenter knows it's a painful thing for jewish people and so like I said, it's a cheap shot that's easy to take and says more about them than it does about palestinian liberation or israeli apartheid.

I know plenty of anti-zionist jewish people do actually talk about the shoah in the context of why they support palestinian rights but for me it just doesn't feel right.

and yeah i understand falling for shit - I've done it, it's easy as hell to read something and feel like it's right, like yeah I personally don't actually say from the river to the sea all that often, you won't find it as a tag on my blog because I think it's best coming from palestinians?

you're totally right - no one can possibly learn the history quickly. It's taken me 16 years to feel like I am actually relatively well versed in the history and I'm not even well versed, I'm just decently versed lol. and if you add into it the propaganda that we've all been told for years, and then the added generational trauma you have? of course it's hard to fight gut reactions because often they're somewhat based in experiences we've had or others have had.

the reason I told you as an anon to fuck off is because of my history and views towards anonymous asks more than anything else, btw. THAT is a gut reaction but it is also informed by my experiences. I hope this maybe explains why I may sometimes come off a little harsh towards anons (and why I decided to turn them off - until rebelcaptain secret santa forced me to open them back up lol).

so I used to love to keep anonymous on because I know that a lot of people don't feel comfortable reaching out for a number of reasons and I wanted to remain accessible as a user of this shithole site lol. however what happens is sometimes, a lot of times, people will just be saying anything. and then they'll say "I'm an x person and y is true" and often people getting those anons will be really well-meaning and just accept it at face value. because genuinely so many people want to be on the side of marginalized groups and want to be good allies. and so shitty people will just be saying bullshit about whatever, and people who may not understand the details of whatever situation anon is talking about will say, "oh shit I didn't realize that! Thanks for educating me!"

and often it is legit! and it's also important to remember that no group is monolithic, so if an anon comes into my ask box saying that they are from, idk let's say, venezuela. i don't know a whole lot about venezuela. I know there is a lot of propaganda and shit from the us, and I know that there are class dynamics and racial dynamics that I vaguely understand because I have a relatively okay understanding of the entire region but it's not good enough to hold up more than a little bit under any kind of actual pressure like being told something by someone who claims to be venezuelan and says that everyone is actually indigenous (which i do understand to be indigenous erasure), and so it would be more comfortable for me to just say, "okay thanks for the info, my bad!" etc etc etc which... okay but like what if they're not venezuelan? what if they are and they're actually just anti-indigenous? what if they're a right-winger or a bot or idk just wrong lol. some people can be just incorrect without it being disinformation, right? so if I post that without any pushback or skepticism, I'm now spreading misinformation that is used to harm indigenous people.

so for me, because anons necessarily get to hide their identities more than even these already relatively anonymous social media accounts do, my policy has always been to handle them with skepticism and frankly to assume the worst.

not everyone does that and also like I don't have a big following but I don't have a TINY following either so I do feel some responsibility to provide accurate information. and that's just from years of experience and not always doing that lol.

anyway sorry for being long-winded, and thank you for reading what I wrote and more importantly for not just taking what I said at face value but for doing the research yourself. that's what is most important.

#asks #answered #anonymous #palestine #antisemitism

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craske · 8 months ago

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I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

#as for uni im almost done with it!!#wowzers masters degree i will kill myself tho bc idk what to do after it #but thats an issue for the future me i guess!!!#anyway again thank you so much your message was really sweet and meant a lot to me #im sorry i dont reach out much like i said interaction online is soo scary and also insanely difficult lately?? it sucks #as the twitter users say thank you oomfie <3 #ask #k4ik4yk04 #long post

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rosecoloredknight · 11 months ago

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how do you deal with depression and loneliness?

I think it's difficult to answer this because everyone deals with them differently and my way might not work for you, but I'll try to make sense and give you an insight to how I "deal" with these two aspects.

I'm actually kinda of appreciative that you ask because I've been thinking about what my therapist asked me to do in cutting everyone out of my life in certain social media ie Snapchat and Instagram. The next visit will be wether I'm able/willing to do that. I'm mentioning that because it corelates to my sadness and loneliness.

I don't mean to be too open so I'll try to not be irresponsible with my privacy.

There's different ways I've learned to deal with both loneliness and depression simultaneously. Wait- let's get one thing clear, it hurts. Always dealing with it.

Mental illness can get and is messy sometimes. In fact, fighting for your mental health is almost never something shown to the public, it's not celebrated, truth be told, it’s something that is mostly regarded as uninteresting, yet it’s the greatest challenge someone might face.

Personally, it's something heavy that would always eat away at me. I couldn't think clearly. Sometimes I even felt like I couldn't breathe. It got to the point where I would even disregard all the help of those that were trying to be there for me. I don't know why.. I guess everything felt hopeless, and meaningless. I thought that if I glorified this feeling of not wanting to be here, of wanting to disappear, it would help ease the pain. I was wrong, of course, but I felt shame in admitting to those around me that cared for me that I was struggling, that I needed help. Depression in most cases, is a silent killer.

However, thankfully, I was able to cope with this.. struggle. It not always easy, in fact, sometimes it felt like lonely journey. However, it can be an enlightening and blessing one to say. I apologize if this sounds like I'm gloating. I promise that I'm not trying to that. Sometimes it's difficult to give yourself credit so I'm simply trying to acknowledge and express how proud I am of myself for how far I've come and just how much I'm trying to make ground for the life I've neglected.

There's this barren part inside me that I've been telling myself that I don't want to go back to, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that it's wiser for me to step into that desolated place and slowly begin to water it. I'll stand there and inhale all that shame, hurt, loneliness, anger, sadness, uncertainty, resentment, and the suicidal ideation in me and then exhale out kindness, curiosity, joy, excitement, determination, resiliency, courage, hope, and love untill that's all I keep breathing in and out. It won't be easy but I'm hoping through therapy, I can walk through that part of my instead of avoiding it. Not to forget about it, but to embrace, acknowledge, and tell it that I care that I messed up, that I'm sorry, and although I can't change the past, I can focus on the future by mending that part of me so it no longer a barren side of my life but hopefully a meadow of positivity.

That's 👆🏽 actually what I'm going to talk to my therapist to help me address it. We briefly talked about it, but every time I talk about it I cry (I'm crying typing this). But I feel as though it's something worth.. aiding.

Try to reach out to someone if you can, anon. If you can't, know this: it won't always be that way. If you're currently struggling with depression and loneliness, I believe that you can mend it. Find resources, hobbies, but most importantly, practice coping methods that help you ease the struggle of depression and loneliness. I know that therapy might not be for everyone, but I advise you to please give it an opportunity of you haven't yet. Please reach out. Please try to remind yourself of your worth in this world. Take each day as they come and find ways to make it a good one.

Setbacks are part of life, but you keep trying to "look up" and remind yourself that life is a blessing. That it's not as bad as you might feel it is.

As for loneliness? Sigh, I feel alone right now, but sometimes that a phase in life some of us will have to go through. Become your own best friend. Do the things that will bring you joy. Appreciating your own company makes the loneliness part more bearable.

And maybe someday, you'll make new friends and even find a favorite person? Who knows? I just know that loneliness is something you can embrace or dread. Choose wisely.

I wish I could help, anon. I'll be rooting for you, okay?

I rambled like a fool and I don't know if I made sense.

Here ♥️♥️♥️

Thank you for the ask, anon. You got this 😊😊

#asks #anon #personal #i'm crying now but i'll be fine.#😊😊😊

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perfectpaperbluebirds · 1 year ago

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I was wondering what the Tenbusches favourite comfort things are? Do they have favourites foods/movies they need when they’re sick?

It was so strange to receive this when I did, because literally that exact day I was starting to ponder this very question myself in preparation for the upcoming Tenbusch fic. Anon, I think you must be a mindreader lol.

That being said, I really hadn't given this too much thought when you sent this, which is why I took so long to answer. But here is my first go-round with this question after much consideration. I included what they wear, what they eat, what they watch/listen to and other general caregiving things they like when they're sick. Obviously this list will expand as I get to know these characters more over time. In reverse age order this time, since I always make Thad go first lol. (He would say he doesn't mind, though. He's the oldest and used to being the guinea pig).

Answers got long as always, so under the cut they go:

Padma: When she's sick, more often than not it's her nose that gives her the most trouble, and she usually can't go anywhere without tissues in her pocket or in her hand. Her upper lip and septum get chapped and raw quickly, so she experiments with different salves all the time to try to alleviate this. She will immediately gravitate toward her most fluffy robe and slippers as soon as he starts to feel poorly. She also never skimps on things like tissues and medicine when she's sick, only buying the best/nicest/name brand things, wanting to be as comfortable as possible. Her biggest sick day necessity, though, is the kinds of tea she drank growing up in India. American teas would never do for her. As far as movies and things, she isn't really a sick-day TV person, since her eyes are usually achy and puffy from the congestion. She prefers podcasts and audiobooks if anything, but usually she'll just listen to music if she's bored, and again, it will usually be music from her homeland. She is the least needy and most self-sufficient when she's sick, and won't ask much from any caregiver, but she loves having company when she's not feeling well, just someone to sit and talk with her and reassure her that she's not as disgusting as she feels.

Thalia: Prone to migraines as a rule, Thalia can be guaranteed to have a throbbing head whenever she comes down with anything, and this headache usually turns into a migraine sooner or later, so all her sick day rituals center around easing head pain. She keeps lights off and rooms cool and generally stays away from loud noises and strong smells. She's not usually a tactile person, but she desperately craves to be held when she's under the weather, wants to be squeezed and wrapped up tight. If there's no one around to hold her, she'll burrito herself in a weighted blanket instead, needing the pressure sensation. A 90's kid through and through, she loves Disney movies, and these are what she gravitates to when she's sick in bed if her headache allows her to watch TV. She especially loves the ones featuring animals like the Jun/gle Boo/k and 10/1 Dal/mations. However, she swears by audiobooks as the best sick day binge. Even though she knows real orange juice is healthier, she craves the drink Sunny D as her sick day comfort, and tends to subconsciously follow the BRAT (banana, rice, applesauce, toast) diet whenever she's sick, even if it isn't stomach-related sickness, since her parents swore by this diet for all childhood illnesses, and because her migraines often make her nauseous. As far as sick-day attire, she is the proud owner of multiple Snuggies and will wear one of them with fleece-lined leggings for the duration of any illness.

Audra: She is the True Crime junkie of the lot, and this is especially obvious when she's sick. When asked about it once, she said that when her life sucks she likes to watch scary, brutal things to remind her that life could suck a whole lot more. Cri/minal Min/ds is her go-to since she owns the whole series on DVD, but if she's bored of those she'll happily try any of the numerous true crime/serial killer specials that are streaming, or if here eyes hurt too much for TV, she'll listen to true crime podcasts. When she feels like death warmed over, you can almost guarantee she'll be watching or listening to stuff about death. For attire, she will wear her husband's clothes almost exclusively when she's under the weather, and her brother-in-laws' too, when she can get her hands on them. (She's especially fond of Thad's. He is roughly the same height as her, but more muscular, so his clothes are always soft and loose on her.) When she's sick, she goes into sloth mode and doesn't want to move or even stand unless she absolutely has to, so she'll be found lying down the entire time she's feeling poorly. She will cuddle up gladly against anyone who sits near her, though. As far as food and drink, anything warm is what she wants, since nothing bothers her more when she's sick than her throat being sore. Hot tea, hot coffee, hot soup, hot pasta (in temperature as well as spice usually) are her go-tos, but she'll throw in ice cream and popsicles to mix it up if hot things aren't helping her throat for whatever reason.

Theo: As we all know, he is very familiar with being sick, so he has his sick day routine down to a science. Firstly, he always has his trusty water bottle by his side and is always drinking from that or a thermos of tea, because he knows from experience that he'll feel much worse if he gets dehydrated. Secondly, he will immediately don his robe, fleece-lined flannel, and not take it off until he's feeling better. In the midst of his illnesses, if he's not in bed he can usually be found either curled up next to a heat source, or else sitting by a window in the sunlight like a cat. When he's sick, more than anything he wants to be warm, and he firmly believes in the restorative effects of sunlight. Theo's favorite food in the world is pancakes, so when he's especially under the weather, his family will usually make these to cheer him up and help him feel better. He's also a connoisseur of grilled cheese and tomato soup as we've seen, and he has strong opinions about this meal, so his sanctioned brands and ingredients are always stocked in the pantry. As far as media, the romantic and tender-hearted Theo has a huge soft spot for musicals. The rest of his family thinks they're sappy and silly, so they only agree to watch them with him when he's feeling crummy, and he takes full advantage of this. Strangely enough, Christmas-themed musicals are his favorite, so Holiday Inn, Scrooge, and White Christmas are always on rotation, but he also loves to watch Singin' in the Rain, knowing Gene Kelly was ghastly ill when singing the titular song, and in a pinch really any musical will do, as he's seen most of them. Even if he's too sick to actively watch TV, he likes to turn on musicals anyway, because you don't have to watch to understand what's going on usually. But if he's just listening to music, then 90's easy listening is his comfort media.

Thad: That doesn't get sick often, but when he does it hits him fast and hard, and he tends to spike dramatically high fevers when he's sick with anything. His symptoms tend to be very explosive in general, from ear-shattering coughing and sneezing to... anything else. (For this reason and others, Thad is the LAST person that anyone would want to catch a stomach bug.) His preferred seating is beanbag chairs (because they're easiest on his back, which gives him trouble after years of playing contact sports) and there are several scattered around the house, so as soon as he starts feeling poorly he will curl up in one of these and not move until he's better, sleeping and eating there as much as he possibly can. Thad is by far the crabbiest of the family when he's sick, and until he's recovered he actively pushes everyone away except for his partner, from whom he seeks a little extra attention. JB learns over time that Thad does best if he's given a steady supply of gentle attentiveness when he's sick, just being checked on and fussed over in regular, measured doses. Thad has a collection of "I'm not feeling well" cardigans that he likes to wear, and interestingly he'll usually be found in knitted caps as well if he has to leave his nest, especially when his hair starts thinning as he ages. Thad loves peanut butter sandwiches of any kind (with honey, with bananas, with jelly) when he's not feeling well, along with, strangely enough, pickles and frozen pickle juice pops. If he wants hot food, he'll gravitate toward childhood favorites like Spaghetti-O's and cheap, prepackaged Ramen Noodles. He doesn't quit his coffee habit when sick, insisting it's one of the only things that helps him feel better (since he hates tea) but he does keel it back a good deal. He'll even drink decaf if a bad fever has his heart rate up, just as long as he can have the taste and warmth. A self-professed audiophile, Thad listens to a lot of music, and this is especially true when he's sick. Whether it's through his fancy, expensive headphones or fancy, expensive stereo, or fancy, expensive turntable, he always has something playing. He says being feverish actually heightens the experience of listening to music (though it can give him very strange dreams), so he'll often use sick days as a chance to explore artists he hasn't heard yet. He avoids TV as a rule whether he's sick or not, and if he's in a room where one is playing, he insists that someone else picks something he'll find boring so he can fall asleep.

JB: With his huge lung capacity, JB gets the most awful cough with any sort of respiratory ailment, worse even than Theo, loud and harsh and huge and frequent, so easing the coughing is always his biggest goal of any sickness, especially as he gets more prone to bronchitis as he ages. The coughing also tends to make his ribs and chest and abdomen miserably sore, which never fails to radiate out to his extremities, so he's an achy mess whenever he's sick. For this reason, Vick's is always in good supply in their home, as well as IcyHot, Bengay, and all the others, not to mention plenty of heating pads and heated blankets. More than anything, when he's sick he gets utterly exhausted and just wants to sleep. He'll sleep 2/3 or 3/4 of the day if he's able, like a bear in hibernation. Since he's so exhausted, he has minimal appetite whenever he's sick, so food is generally the last thing on his mind. However, he has a special fondness for hot cereals, like Cream of Wheat and oatmeal, with plenty of sugar and cream, and loves fruit juice, so he'll have these as a splurge when he's sick, since he considers them too unhealthy to have under normal circumstances. Because he's so tall and broad (6'5", 250 lbs), for most of his adult life, finding clothes that would be "loose" on him isn't easy without special ordering everything. For that reason, his comfort clothes/sick day attire is mostly comprised of close-fitting thermal wear (think Under Armour, etc) and the occasional pair of fleece or flannel pajama pants. He and Thalia are much alike in that they aren't overly tactile as a rule, but when sick, they love their partner's arms around them and being held close. Eventually, JB also comes to crave a deep massage to help his aches when he's feeling poorly, and Thad takes pride in mastering the technique of massage over time.

Anon, thank you for sending this ask and forcing me to consider this question and write out the answer. It was a lovely exercise and every time I get one of these I feel like I know the characters so much better after! All the best to you, and feel free to send more questions if you have them. The next Tenbusch fic is almost finished and should be out in a few more weeks :) Can't wait to hear your thoughts!

#OC asks #CottageVersity AU #answered asks

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unfilteredgrounds · 1 year ago

Text

Solitaire

Sometimes, I really dislike my mom.

I hate how easily she can make me cry.

I hate that she refuses to get therapy when she's obviously struggling,

I hate that I never know what to say to her.

I hate that we sat in silence at lunch today, only to be broken by her saying

"I don't know if I can handle this stress much longer."

I know I was supposed to say something, supposed to be supportive and helpful, but I was silent. I just. Didn't know what to say. How do you help someone who refuses help? How do you say comforting things when she'll just get mad that you feel pity for her?

I didn't eat the rest of my sandwich. I barely made it two bites. I hate that she can destroy my appetite, my day, in a single phrase. I hate that she didn't say thank you to me for making lunch, like I do every day, just

"oh, we're eating sandwiches?"

Well, you are. I'm not hungry anymore.

After I wrapped my sandwich up, I cried a little, but then remembered that I wasn't in my room, so I stopped. I hate that I can't cry in front of my mom. And then I got really angry out of nowhere.

Why does she refuse to get help, and just keep piling troubles onto herself, which then turns into dumping onto me and getting angry at Dad?

I understand where it's coming from. I know she's stressed about the lack of rain and that we're not even into the hottest parts of summer and the sheep need healthy grass. But what can we do? None of us can control the weather. She needs coping mechanisms. Stuff that can help her manage tough emotions over things she can't control.

And that understanding makes this all the more difficult. Because when she caught me in the kitchen later, just staring at the floor, and asked "Are you okay?" I wanted to shout at her. Of course I'm not okay! You're upset, and there's nothing I can do to make you feel better, and I feel useless because I can't give you what you need. But then that'll just make me look selfish. Because what right do I have to be stressed when there's a potential drought on the horizon? She'll just get mad. It's why I chose not to talk about therapy today, and said "Yea, I'm fine."

She doesn't know I didn't eat my sandwich. She doesn't notice that I eat less than I used to. I hate that my mom said that I looked good, like I lost some weight, when I had been skipping meals at uni. I hate that she didn't know that, but didn't think to pry. Makes me think she thought I was overweight before. I wasn't. I was healthy. Now I'm just skinny. Weak. But when she makes me upset, I can't eat. My throat is too thick to swallow anything.

I hate that she knows I'm stressed too, but doesn't say anything. My dog might be dying, and no one is really doing anything, but yet I am suppose to figure it out and try harder when I don't know the questions to ask and my best friend is really ill and no one is asking me if that bothers me. It does. It does, but all she says when I go downstairs to the privacy of my room is

"Don't forget to make the guest bed. My friend will be here at 5."

I read more of Solitaire today. Tori Spring reminds me a lot of myself, except for her opinions on Jane Austen and literature in general. It makes sense, I guess. She's young. She talks about how she doesn't think her mom likes her very much. I shrink a little bit on the inside. She talks about how hard it is for her to talk to people, and that she's not really that interesting of a person, and I shrink inside. Because I understand too well.

One time, one of our family friends came to visit with her Daughter. Her Daughter is everything I'm not. Bubbly, outgoing, engaging. Mom looked at her very differently than she looks at me. I bet She would have known what to say today to comfort Mom. I bet Mom wishes I was like Her. Normal. Pretty. Not a coward.

I'm going to look up therapists who specialize in rural backgrounds. Maybe, hopefully, she'll listen to me this time. Maybe she won't get angry. I'm really tired. I cried more. I miss my boyfriend. He wouldn't just leave it at "yeah I'm fine." He'd at least give me a hug.

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butchtoads · 2 years ago

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Negative vent under cut

The holidays have a very special way of reminding me how despite my best efforts I remain incredibly isolated. Like I try to interact online, and I've gotten further than I ever have before but still feel invisible to the point Ive been wondering about deleting again. I really shouldn't and probably won't, I've already deleted the past, what, five blogs I've had since 2012? And there's people I love to see the work of but sometimes, most of the time, my interactions on social media leave me feeling wanting and isolated when they really should make me feel otherwise. I've tried to distance myself but at this point our society is so reliant on these digital commons that I feel more distant to the little remaining family I have if I don't have this.

Ultimately though family here's the real issue. Only a small section remains, the rest, as dramatic and exaggerated as it sound, has either backstabbed me or abused me or died, some wanting nothing to do with me because they don't care to get to know me and instead just prefer to assume I'm just like the parents that left me with the trauma related mental illnesses I've got.

I'm tired man. I'm so grateful for what I've got, I'm not as alone as I was four years ago and I'm grateful the little family I've got left took me in because otherwise I'd never have been able to cut my abusive father out of my life and would either have been forced to move back in with him or be homeless. I've got so much to be grateful for but I'm so goddamn. Jealous. I'm still an outsider here. I don't have the close family bonds my cousin's have as siblings, the strong relationship with their parents. I'm an adult now and I gotta find some way to be stable on my own and play catch-up for all the development I couldn't do while I was in survival mode for all my developmental years. I'm in some weird hellish limbo where the family I live with expects me to be one of them but I literally could physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, can't be. Our interests are so different. I'm not supposed to be there for the private conversations. I try to hang out in the common spaces and they'll change the conversation. Earlier some of my cousins were talking and one thought I was gone and said something about me and the other cousin said no, they're right behind you, and they changed the conversation. I was zoning in on what I was eating so I don't even know what the first one said but it put a bad taste in my mouth so I left. Worried they were about to start talking about me behind my back. Doesn't help that I'm constantly noticing signs of my potentially undiagnosed autism. My cousin's partners are more in the loop than I am which i guess makes sense but just reminds me of how I'm some outsider here, oil and water and all that. They have a family group chat everyone's in and that makes me feel like an outsider too. I know I'm like. A relative and they might want those private spaces so I never said anything Abt it but apparently they tried to add me and it didn't work because they're apple and I'm android. I don't know how true it is or if they just didn't bother trying or troubleshooting. I think my cousin's care less for my being here, my Aunt's the nicest to me. But also ive realized that they're all VERY good at hiding their emotions. So really they could just be pretending to like me. Some other family members were causing trouble on Christmas day and everyone was cordial and friendly the next day when just hours later when the guests left they ranted about them for hours. What if the same is of me when I'm not there? Constant cycle of isolate -> my isolation is making me more distant from my family and they're probably judging me about it -> try to interact more and get reminded of how I'll never be one of them and will never have what they have -> isolate

I'm deleting this later. Probably. I know I should not share this much online but my therapist is out for the holidays and I don't have anyone to talk to about this that would get it.

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viviennevermillion · 3 years ago

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Hello!! 💗💗

Could I ask for a head canon with Leona, Azul and Rook with a s/o who has PTSD ? Like how they would comfort them while they are having flashbacks and such?

(I read your rules, I hope dis is ok if not you don’t have to answer ☺️)

Thank you !! 💫💫

With an s/o who has PTSD

notes: Thanks for the request! Sorry it took so long to answer it! Usually as per my rules I decline requests about things that I don't know much about (which includes a good chunk of mental illnesses) but since I have PTSD myself, I'll be able to do this one! I'm leaving flashbacks specifically out because I only had one so far and I don't remember it very well and I'm not really sure what they're like for other people :3

Also while I've known other people with PTSD, I never talked to them about how they experience their symptoms so I'm the only example I have to base this on. Sorry Rook's is so short compared to the other 2.

And I made new headers for my writing, I hope y'all like them!

contains: character x gn!reader

warnings: descriptions of ptsd symptoms

If you happen to suffer from nightmares related to your past, Azul gets them too. He has nightmares a lot and he knows how distressing they can be, so when he notices that you seem distressed in your sleep or jerk awake or scream something while waking up, he's immediately alarmed but doesn't let you notice that. "Hey....shh.... I'm here", he whispers and pulls you into the safety of his arms if he knows you're comfortable with that. He'll pat your head and press a kiss to your forehead. "It was just a dream, it's over now", he'll continue whispering and gently massages your hand. If you can't sleep again after that, Azul stays awake with you or makes sure you're fine before sleeping in your lap. He'll let you play with his hair if you want to.

He offers you to tell him what the nightmare was about but makes it very clear that you absolutely don't have to if you don't want to.

Will make you a tea to calm you down. He won't leave your side though if you need him there with you. You could go to the Mostro Lounge kitchen together.

Tries his best to distract you when you have intrusions about the traumatic event. Will play you a song on the piano or quietly sing something for you. Or watch a movie or series with you. Whatever comforts you most at the moment. If you're somewhere in the school building when this happens, he'll try to converse with you about a different topic but he's willing to listen if you need to talk

100% respects and remembers your triggers from the moment you tell him. If you get into situations where other people are talking about something that triggers you, Azul will use his communication skills to divert the conversation to a topic you're comfortable with and that will in the best case distract you.

Will deal with people's confusion or irritation if you want to leave a situation that triggers you and don't want to explain to people why or don't have the energy for it.

If you need to expose yourself to a situation that reminds you of the traumatic event in any way, Azul will reassure you and try to prevent you from procrastinating taking care of whatever task you have to do. He'll accompany you if that makes you feel safer and more comfortable.

If you're upset or feeling intense negative emotions he will try to reassure you. Also isn't too irritated if you ever snap at him impulsively. Azul is calm and he has patience and unless this is a recurring thing, he won't be mad.

If you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself, Azul will basically hold you a long speech about how you're amazing and the most precious person in his life and he'll occasionally press a kiss to your forehead or your lips in-between.

Does his best to give you hope about the world and your future with him. He'll remind you that you two have a life together to look forward to

Rook will read poems or some pretty descriptions of calming atmospheres to you if you struggle to sleep. He'll let you sit in his lap and has an arm wrapped around you and occasionally presses a kiss to your cheek. Rook is very good at adjusting his tone when he reads something, so he's able to calm you down with voice quietly reading the words aloud to you.

Rook basically has a whole collection of creative stuff to help you cope with stressful situations. He's got entire playlists of ambiences and calming music to play for you when you're stressed, need to calm down after nightmares or need some help to sleep.

Rook has a habit of appearing in situations without being noticed but if he knows you suffer from hypervigilance, he makes sure he never startles you.

He's very good at comforting you with words and reassuring you.

If you're in Pomefiore, Rook makes sure Vil never reprimands you for struggling to do the same amount of tasks as the other dorm students or being overwhelmed and exhausted despite not having done that much that day. He never wants you to feel bad because you're not able to get as much done as expected of you. He knows you're giving your best and he tells you often that he's very proud of you for that, pressing several kisses to your face.

Rook always listens to you when you need to vent and will give you a long passionate speech about why everything will be okay. He'll hold both of your hands in his and gives you a comforting smile.

If you experience any psychosomatic symptoms, Rook will make sure to pay attention to these as well. He'll get painkillers if you experience headaches, gives you a massage if you have muscle tension or makes sure no one makes any loud noise around you if you suffer from sensory hypersensitivity.

Rook is very empathetic, observant and somehow always seems to know what you need in different situations, even if you do not expect him to be able to tell how you're feeling or what support you currently need. He tries his best to make you feel okay when you're struggling.

Leona is a very deep sleeper but when you wake up from a nightmare, he's instantly awake. It's like he's got a protective sense. He needs a moment to register his surroundings before he looks at you with his typical shocked Leona expression and goes "Holy fuck, herbivore, are you okay?"

He's unsure of what to do and whether you're okay with him holding you right now, so he asks you. If you say it's fine, he will pull you into his arms and wrap his tail around your waist. He asks you what happened and listens to you if you wish to vent. Leona is not very good at supporting you verbally, but he'll tell you "It'll be okay. I'm here for you." and cups your face with his hands before placing a soft kiss to your lips. He tries to soothe you by running his fingertips up and down your back.

Leona doesn't know much about PTSD before meeting you, so it takes him a while to get used to it and support you properly. He's at a loss at first because he's not very good at expressing how he feels or comforting another person so he might mess up a couple of times and not be a very great help in the beginning, but the longer you two are together, the more he adapts to your needs and is able to offer you support when you're suffering from your symptoms.

He'll even pick up a book from the library about it, so he can learn more and support you better when he notices that he isn't really doing as much as he wants to

He also asks you to tell him what helps you in different situations and what he can provide for you to feel better. Leona is aware he doesn't really know how to do that so he'll be glad if you tell him

He'll also accompany you to situations / places that cause you distress. He'll have an arm wrapped around you or gently holds your hand in his and glances at you from the side often to make sure you'll be okay.

If you're overwhelmed with a situation and you can't leave it atm, he will offer to hold you in his arms. He'll wrap both of his arms around your shoulders and lets you bury your face in his chest / neck, making sure you can blend out the world around you for a second. It's like his embrace shields you from the rest of the world for a while.

If anyone ever gives you shit for wanting a topic change for a conversation or leaving a social situation because something triggers you or just for "acting strange", Leona will make sure they don't bother you over it. Unlike Azul, who just tries to cover for you or change the topic, Leona hisses "Mind your own damn business" and gives people a warning glare

If you struggle to fall asleep, Leona will actually make an exception for you and stay awake to help you sleep before going to bed himself. He holds you in his arms and draws circles on your back with his fingertips. He also lets you sleep in his room with him every night.

If you're overwhelmed with your daily life, exhausted or struggle to concentrate on tasks, he will help you out. This is enough motivation for the lazy lion to get his ass out of bed. He'll also help you with your homework or offers to do it together with you so it's easier for you to stay focused on it.

Leona also helps you rationalize your way out of situations where you overthink or doubt your own decision making skills or feel vulnerable / unsafe because it's so uncertain. He validates your feelings but he also provides arguments as to why you don't have to worry.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #azul ashengrotto headcanons #azul ashengrotto x you #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt headcanons #rook hunt x you #rook hunt #leona kingscholar x reader #leona kingscholar x you #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar headcanons

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