#i know it will pass one day soon
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#mus ts#today was not a good day#but honestly#it hasn’t been a good month or so anyway#mostly#but i saw the southern lights#and saw the milky way#so the world#and life is beautiful#and though it doesn’t feel it right now#i know it will pass one day soon#just gotta hold on#and also find solutions lol#also i took this photo with my phone#MY PHONE#fucking insane#sorry i got personal#i just need an outlet lol#also goodbye movies make me emotional#like i just watched wakanda forever#and now gotg vol 3#which is a movie that fucks me up anyway#and im emotional#reminders
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do you remember exactly where you were when basically im gay dropped? are there other d&p videos/content that you’ve had that experience with? am reminiscing and curious
#I was living in New York and I had to go soon so I had my phone propped up on the shelf in the closet so I could watch while getting ready#(kind of hilarious that my phone was literally in the closet while I watched him come outta the closet!)#but then I was crying and grinning#and I just remember feeling so unfathomably proud#and becoming a mess and I just couldn’t even remotely begin to process it all#and then I had to go to work and just be normal and not say a word and I just wanted to SCREAM don’t you know don’t you all know#you need to know!!!!!!!#and then I passed timothee chalamet on the street we nodded politely at each other that’s literally not remotely a lie#real rush of a day that was#I clocked him from like 3 blocks away bc yes I was gagging for him at the time and yes cmbyn changed my brain chemistry fuck you#I think I privated all my charmie bookmarks after the cannibalism stuff dropped lol but maybe not too lazy to check#ANYWAY.#dan and phil#phan#dan’s finest work one of the best videos on the platform period really such a beautiful perfect brave piece i love and appreciate him so.
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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Also I started listening to the recording of tmbptmbg today and at the end of the second hour they were talking about how there are people requesting from all over the world because someone requested from the Philippines and then one of the hosts said about the requests that "There was one from Poland. From Ray"... ME MENTION!!!!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!
#actually the one big reason why i'm making such a big deal out of this is that i requested where your eyes don't go#and i also said in my text requesting it that i'm doing so in hopes that they play it during the show i'm going to in two days#i actually did NOT think they would play it though. they were playing it in the us and australia but not in the uk as far as i knew#i did not know yet that it would return as an encore during the show on the next day so a day before mine#AND THEN THEY PLAYED IT AGAIN. DURING MY SHOW#and wait i did not mention yet that i had high hopes for finding some tmbg vinyl / cds here especially flood#because i figured that out of all the places outside of the us where i could have even a sliver of a chance to do that#it would have to be in the uk. because that's the place where birdhouse in your soul and flood were once so popular. right#and what do i find in one shop i pass by randomly the day after the show?? FUCKING. FLOOD. . ON VINYL#maybe some sort of greater benevolent force does exist and decided to grant all my wishes this time#like this is actually crazy to actually to think about. how on earth.#if thats not fate then i dont know what it is <- doesn't actually believe in fate. or didn't until this point at least /hj#i'm the world's unluckiest girl until i suddenly get so lucky that i don't know what to make of that cause it's like. what#but ok more of all that madness is to be properly analysed soon of course#goosepost
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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It’s so good to see you.
Lies of P (2023)
#I finished lying and penising for the last time…#I got the game for my PS5 after 100%ing it on game pass bc I was so impressed and obsessed I needed to get a physical copy#so I obviously had to 100% it again and I hilariously forgot to read a letter to unlock an achievement#so I had to play the game a FOURTH TIME since you only get the letter at the end and restarting the game wipes all letters from your bag#but that let me do something I LOVE doing with these shorter games#which is putting the effort to give these characters the best endings their quests allow#so I can leave the characters in the world with as much peace as I can#I also did this in majora’s mask with my final run of the game being about doing every single side quest I could and beating ever boss#so that termina would be as peaceful as it would be once the mask was destroyed and skull kid freed#that being said wearing the alidoro mask led to an unintentionally hilarious semi final cutscene#a tear is supposed to roll down your face at one point but instead it was just a completely still super close shot of the dog mask#and I burst out laughing like nooooooo#luckily I’ve scene the ending like 3 times already but can you imagine if that was the only time I’d seen it 😂#I one rounded nameless puppet this time I truly felt like a god I’m so grateful for neowiz for making this game its been so fun#even after beating it like 7 times I know I’ll be playing it again one day and I’m gonna be a preorder ho for the Lies of series#the DLC and sequel can’t come soon I’m so in love with this game I need to eat it#Lies of P#video games#lies of p sophia#lies of p carlo
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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love the idea that for big gift events like limes birthday/christmas/valentines day, lime just has a MASS of gifts from all the girls at school who like him, and then while hes opening them up mochi is RIGHT THERE getting first dibs at the stuff he doesnt want
#sometimes mochi just starts opening shit and going (ooh so cute!!) and hes like (uhhh yeah thanks for asking first sure you can have that)#the occasional moment where someone hands something to him and hes so tired he just passes it straight to mochi without even looking at it#its usually like snacks or something since no one really knows him well enough to buy him something hed actually really like#the RAGE these girls feel when one of them buys him like. a sweatshirt or hat and the next day fucking mochi is wearing it#and when they get mad hes like (What? it was too small for me. plus its mine now so i can do what i want with it)#OR mochi: haha what a coincidence i just bought the same one from [store]!! seems this style is popular!!#and its not beyond reasonable doubt so they just sit there mad#when mochi runs out of snacks but instead of buying more she thinks (ah but limes birthday is soon so that means free snack restock...)#full disclosure he tells all of them REPEATEDLY not to buy him things and warns them what will probably happen#but no one listens as usual#oscar and coco eventually sitting there too like (can i have that--) and he goes (if mochi doesnt want it you guys can have it)
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Can we talk about how terrible and confusing the outsiders smp timeline is? In canon 1 year and 1 day has passed by the time it ended. Meaning everything that happens in outsiders happened in that 1 year.
So does this mean it's a 1:1 situation where it lines up with irl time? No. And this is where it gets really confusing.
In canon the watchers mess with the outsiders but changing up the time whenever they want, Even then time isn't messed with until we get around the election time, where they start to notice there's people watching them. There's also no indication their days are shorter than 24 hours? Or at least it's never really mentioned? So it's not just time passes in Minecraft days.
The series seems to follows both Minecraft and irl time? We're told cGraecie was in the clearing for a few days before cOwen and cRasbi came up. By the first week or so to them it felt like multiple weeks. And when cMohwee disappears it's considered to be around 3 months. By the time the election comes cOwen says it's been a year. So what's happening here? How does their timeline match up to that one year?
I think obviously not everything will be a 1:1. They're not streaming every day and we just have to fill in the gaps but for their sense of time to be so messed up so early on makes everything so confusing. We can't simply say they only follow Minecraft days because a lot more days would have passed and we can't say they only follow irl time because some things just won't make sense. So now we're in this weird place where the timeline is everywhere but it has to fit in the 1 year and 1 day box.
If anyone can figure out how it all fits please let me know 🙏 I would love to see how this story fits because it's so confusing to me
#zara rambles#outsiders smp#it is not that deep#i know its not that deep but i need to know how this works#they must see the sun and think about how many days has passed right??#or did they really lose track that fast and started making up numbers sjdjd#ive been rewatching outsiders if you couldn't tell so expect more outsiders post soon#this is one of those whataboutno late rambles so if it doesn't make sense im sorry skdkd
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I have to be so honest and vulnerable with you for a second. I keep thinking of getting another complete works of Shakespeare
#tales from diana#my riverside 1973 is still my beloved baby but she's really worse for the wear these days#i didn't start thinking about it till i got one for my friend like 6 months ago for his bday#and i kept looking at it and being like oh wow. his doesn't have all the scratches and rips mine does#mine is still BETTER obviously bc it's MINE. it's in worse condition objectively but it's MINE#making it the best copy in existence. to me#and it was my aunt's textbook at boston college. my grandmother let me have it. i think of it as a family heirloom#and the coating on the front cover side of the spine has been slowly tearing off :(#like there's one long vulnerable rip almost all the way down. idk how to prevent it from breaking further#other than just by not using it. and idk how to fix it wo making it potentially worse#i didn't know how to take care of old gigantic books when i got it at 19. i never considered it#i hadn't had one before. but now im more experienced#and im also just curious about what's inside other editions. especially newer ones#i only have 6 plays and at least 3 of them i plan to read in a copy other than the riverside#like my 23 plays and sonnets (1953) edited by t. m. parrot has 2 and another play im gonna borrow from library lending#and id definitely wanna get rid of a lottttt of books i have right now before getting a new one#im already planning on which books to donate when i declutter#and i need to declutter my books DESPERATELY. so so desperately#it'd just be nice to have another complete works in my collection. for a number of reasons.#that way i also suppose ill have two big books of shakespeare for auntie diana to pass down someday#i don't plan on getting one soon im just in the contemplative phase. but boy am i tempted
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Happy STS Elli!
What inspires you to write? Are there things that you know that you can get inspiration from or does it just come randomly?
Happy STS!
For me, inspiration doesn't mean "to write".
There are, and always have been, a lot of stories floating around in my mind - ideas, scenes, vibes, outlines. I get inspiration from literally everywhere, from talking to my friends, and video games, and scrolling past images or prompts, and reading books, and spending too much time on reddit, and…
Many remain daydreams, or character backstories, eventually lost to time.
Now for actually being able to sit my ass down and get words on the page? I don't know. It comes and goes as it pleases. Having a beehive where a brain should be does NOT help, let me tell you that.
I just. Can't focus on shit lately. Can barely make it through a chapter when reading. Every day is just suddenly over, and I got nothing done, and I am so tired. I have a completely outlined short thing I have been trying to write since Nov, and it's like pulling teeth.
I could do with several months off work while everyone leaves me the fuck alone. How would that be.
#salad-ask#aria-benedetto#sts ask#I cried new year's because after having 1 (one) day of my vaction actually completely to myself#Which was after I already didn't get any quiet time on my LAST three attempts at taking time off because someone was sick at home#And spending most of all that time just working (in my time off) and cleaning the depression piles#My mom berated me for instantly refusing to come over for some 'if I die you need to know where stuff is' talk#(note: there's no reason to think she might anytime soon and she was talking about like... a cd collection)#'You always have something!!!'#I don't know anymore how to get people to understand how fucking exhausted I am.#I'm about to let the stupid paint course voucher from work lapse because in a year I didn't find a motive I like and the energy to even#consider wasting 3 hours of my life after work to produce some physical object I have no room for while having to run to get there on time#Not to mention people!! A room full of people!!#I've just become sooo sensitive to noise lately I can't even stand to be in the kitchen when the fridge hums#And you're always always always the bad guy if you close the door in someone's face because they're whistling or watching tv or calling#It's cool :) Sorry I was being unsocial :) Lemme just quickly slam my head against a wall until I pass out :)#So uh anyway happy STS writing has been going well
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bureaucracy...
#1. i try to register for council tax and have to give any previous edi addresses. i enter old postcode. the flat number isn't listed :)#2. i register for broadband & give my new address over the phone. somehow the order defaults to a previous address anyway#luckily i notice and call up to stop the engineer being sent out to a random house at the other end of the country#plusnet take my new details again but say they can't send a guy out for 3 weeks :)#don't have 4G in my new flat and work from home. i ask for a discount for my troubles since it wasn't my fault. they say no :)#3. i try to take my meter readings the day i move in to avoid paying too much energy bill. both meters are so old they've expired :)#i text the previous tenant she says it's an ongoing issue. she pestered the energy company about it for a year. they didn't do anything :)#4. the previous tenant was a filthy human being who has never picked up a duster or hoover in her life#i spend the first 48 hours in the new home cleaning up mouse droppings cobwebs and thick dust from every single surface :)#the landlord apologises and says he will send a cleaner next week. i have already cleaned everything but i accept anyway#5. i pass on my p45 to my new job as soon as possible to make sure i don't get put on the emergency tax rate#HR says this doesn't look right it's dated from six months ago. i say i haven't been working in that time they say ok leave it with us#one month later they contact me again to say hey your p45 is dated from six months ago :))) i say yes i know. i haven't been working#they say oh yes that's right. leave it with us :))))#i'm one minor inconvenience away from ending it all#dear diary
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.
#oh hey i just caught myself harboring Unnecessary Nightmare Scenarios#that last post made me think about how the only thing stopping me from getting another dog is money#like i could afford having a friend for savu. it would be no problem#BUT in a situation where i lost my partner and had to provide for the dogs by myself and they'd both get sick i'd be in deep trouble#which has sounded like a completely rational thing to be aware of. a completely valid reason for not getting another dog#except that is quite a few things that need to go wrong before the deep trouble would actually hit#and is that really the way i want to live my life? waiting for this relationship to end? accepting that eventually i will be left alone?#that my current life is nothing but a brief respite from a continuous struggle with both finances and illness? a glitch that will soon pass#it actually doesn't sound valid at all when i write it out like this#i have a partner who brings another stable paycheck into this household. i have no reason to believe this would change anytime soon#i have a wonderful dog that would probably benefit from having a friend#shelties are not super prone to any major lifelong diseases or such so it's unlikely the new dog would need constant expensive treatments#i think this thought pattern got a hold of me when savu got sick last spring#it was scary and unpleasant and i still feel raw around the edges after experiencing all of it#(the dog is fine by the way! definitely better these days and i'm super happy we got the surgery. we have many good years ahead of us still#but like. i'd like if my brain accepted 'this summer was scary and i'm not sure if i'm ready to possibly experience it with another dog'#instead of feeding me lies about a future where i'm all alone and desperately poor#but hey i've never caught this one before! now i know this thought pattern exists and can do something about it#sussitalk
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I want you to know that I very much enjoy seeing you around. I miss you when you're off doing school and work stuff, sure, but I always look forward to seeing you pop up again. Always catches me by surprise, too XD
Also I remembered your old vampire!au writings from when you were writing anon. I miss the times when you wrote stories like that, but I know you're busy nowadays. I will go back and reread them at some point ;)
HFHFGF NOOO DRAG OMGG 😭💞💞💞💞
If it makes you feel better, I got better at writing! I think xd it's for other fandoms and I never post them, but the thought of you actually going back to read that story despite how broken my English was back then is both the best thing someone has ever said to me about my writings so far, but also terrifying Ghfhfh like NOOO why would you DO that to yourself it suucks the plot was all over the place and the pacing/characterisation was terrible :'D I might draw them again one day now that you mentioned them tho...just for you and the people that remember these dorks HHH 🤭
#ask#and i really appreciate your support drag i meant it!#you have got go be one of my most persistent mutuals cause i can't remember a day where i haven't seen you reblog my works-#no matter if it's an ask or a writing or art you just keep popping up in my notifications as soon as you're active and i can't bro#I can't even express just how happy your presence in this blog makes me but i really hope you know that#cause if anything i miss YOU guys the most like fr!!! what would i even do without my wonderful talented mutuals oughgh :')c#just for you man im gonna try and maybe. just MAYBE revisit that au and tweak it up ro my liking ...maybe even write more who knooows#muah muah thank you thank you SsssO much yet again for passing by<3333
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sae as sugar daddy but not in sexy way but in asian parent "it hurts my eyes to see you as a failure because tf are you a bug go study" way
#you dont accompany him or send him photos of yourself#you send photo of your gpas like he is a scholarship institution#why he supports you? uh hypothetical scenario: he knows you for a while and see potential in you but then bam economy hard financial hard#or maybe you just work for him and he just go “go study more so you can be more competent” because you are not annoying#i honestly dont think this through if you can't tell already. im yapping but worse#actually idk but this thought is passing and feels hilarious. tho this guy is hilarious to me a lot of times so#babblings#maybe one day soon#which is rich to say but obligatory tag so
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ohh what do you mean its been two years since last life came out
#😧 <- keros when the time does indeed pass#anyways#i think life series falkler would go crazy ngl#<- it was actually one of my plans for the AU prompt for today#I wanted to draw them aas that “you know you can join me” part of grian/mumbos povs i thought itd be fun hehe#txt#i might still do it one day but not sometime soon
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