#i know im not the most consistently online person in these fandoms so it means a lot to be

[yonderghostshistories]

I’m gonna do my own lil tag game, this time…..it’s-

……MONTY PYTHON RELATED!

SPECIFICALLY,

How did you (yes, you, the mutual and/or other Tumblr user reading this) get into Monty Python?

To elaborate, what is your Monty Python Fan Origin Story? To further elaborate, how did you become aware of and become a fan of Monty Python? Tag 6 or more (or less, it’s absolutely fine either way!) of your mutuals!

I’ll start first. I first became (properly) aware of Monty Python when I was (and still am) in the Six Idiots/ThemThere Fandom (if you don’t know who the Six Idiots/ThemThere are, they’re a British Comedy Troupe consisting of the following 6 members; Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Ben Willbond. They were first originally together in the children’s historical comedy sketch show “Horrible Histories” which ran from 2009 to 2014, and since then have went on to create, write and star in the following projects, such as the fantasy comedy “Yonderland”, the Shakespeare comedy film “Bill” (2015) and the supernatural family BBC sitcom “Ghosts”) and I saw a video compilation on YouTube comparing clips/scenes from various Six Idiots/ThemThere projects and their inspirations from clips/scenes from various Monty Python projects, which really cemented in my head (especially after becoming a Python fan) that the Six Idiots truly are the “Monty Python” of this generation, or at least the Six Idiots are like Gen Z Monty Python (imo that is).

Anyway, starting in 2023, when I was on holiday with my family to see my grandparents in India, I started watching the MP films (specifically Holy Grail (1975) and Life of Brian (1979)) for the first time on my (barely working) laptop when both movies were freely available to watch in their entirety on YouTube (shocking, I know right?). And tbh, they were absolutely HILARIOUS! (Plus it was at this time that I had realised my first actual proper bisexual awakening when especially watching LoB, specifically the scenes where both Brian and Judith were naked, and thankfully my parents weren’t there to witness this absolute monstrosity (to them at least) and I have to say, thanks LoB :))👍🩷💜💙)

Then when I came back home to England, I watched The Meaning of Life (1983) (because pirating it on my nearly battered old laptop was really hard cuz it kept annoyingly pausing at random points in the movie) and so I asked either my mum or brother (I can’t remember exactly lol) to rent the movie MoL on Amazon Prime, and after watching it, I have to say, it was also pretty amazing! I think MoL is my personal favourite movie of the bunch tbh, cuz in a weird, surreally Pythonesque avante garde way, it was very emotional and cathartic (to me at least) and it felt fitting as a finale to Python as a whole (at least at the time).

After that, I became REALLY, like, REALLY into Python, I watched some of the sketches, some clips of the films, I bought some of the merchandise, I watched and bought DVDs of some of the Pythons’ other projects, etc.

My first Python crush was Terry Jones, but now my 2 absolute crushes are now firmly Graham Chapman AND Terry Jones, BUT….my 3-way Python crushes are; Graham Chapman, Terry Jones AND Michael Palin (tho I do love them all tbh as (as my mum says) im a diplomat lmao, so I do love Eric Idle, John Cleese, and Terry Gilliam equally too, but for the latter 3 I’m not as attracted to them as the former 3, if that makes sense?). Also, I absolutely STAN Carol Cleveland, Connie Booth and Neil Innes, THEYRE THE BEST FR AHHHH

Plus being in the MP fandom has genuinely made my life better, as I met some of my most WONDERFUL and LOVELY and KIND mutuals of all time, especially my bestest of ALL online bestie friends, @commonguttersnipe !! (Love you Commie darling <33, and she also makes pretty great MP fanfics imo too :))🫶❤️)

Ok, so uhh…..that’s my Monty Python Fan Origin Story.

I now tag: @commonguttersnipe @thehistoryone @michael-palin-is-the-loml

@knoxoverstreet16 @chapmanzz @vilhjalmr

[imustbenuts]

How do you handle how low key racist toward Japan a lot of fandom is in favor of shoving only American cultural viewpoints into things? I'm so tired...

hm.... a loaded question. short answer for how i handle this:

I don't.

i just. don't. i don't even try to process what i know for sure is a bad take at all, and i make it a point to curate my online spaces as much as possible.

(or at least, i do on very very rare occasions if i feel arsed enough to hop on my keyboard to smashing out a more educated post about it based on my own understanding. more on this in a bit.)

if i go into a fandom tag and i see rampant nonsense, such as during the 1st two months of fire emblem engage's release or some incredible pumpkin spice latte takes, and i feel like it's just too much bc im getting angry, i just disengage. i might read if i feel like it, but if its too hostile i don't add to the conversation. i leave. i don't pass go bc i have waaaay better things to do than potentially engage in a conversation im already not happy to have.

in some occasions i even block. if i feel like someone is being a dipshit in the posts i make with their tags even, i block.

and i suspect im not the only one. how often do you see asians who reside outside of the west actively partake in fandom discussions? its such a drain of energy when it goes bad. most asians are working faaaaar longer hours than the average westerner in the average office setting. i mean, fuck, man. if i want to have fun, im not coming to a place i know i wont be having much. (ofc we are all having it bad. the point is: limited energy is a big factor for why going against the general set consensus is a bad idea)

i've been dealing with this for the past 10 years. minimum. it has always been like this. it has ever always been like this everywhere.

soooome fandoms are chiller than others for sure. but i dont actively participate in fandoms bc: im tired and my attention hops all over the place.

im ALSO gonna drag proship antis DNI into this ramble bc i believe strongly this culture is an evolution of the old 'your fave is problematic' culture mixed with puritanism culture and i hate it. i hate it bc it gets applied to everywhere, even in a japanese/asian culture space where people in fandoms are generally more "you stay in your lane i stay in mine, we're all freaks, just dont break any laws or be terrible". understand that east asian society in general is collective compared to western's more individualistic one, which reinforces that lane thinking. so all these high moral showing-off is just a big pissing contest to me.

in fact its such a pissing contest i actively refuse to follow people who have DNIs in their profiles. id have more respect for those who can say 'i dont like xyz, its not my cup of tea'. its a normal response, i think.

and im done ranting about my personal feelings :v. some practical advice from my dumb of ass:

a person knows what they know

a person doesnt know what they dont know (ignorance)

a person cannot be taught what they dont want to know (willful ignorance)

a willfully ignorant person is not anyone's job to directly fix. only they can check themselves.

hostility begets more hostility. anger is an addictive emotion. block and move on if someone is consistently being annoying/a pos online, its not worth the mental bandwidth

a person wants to know what they know they don't know (curiosity)

if theres something educational worth sharing that can be communicated in a digestible way, it is sometimes worth it. people like reading, but more importantly, communicating. be that with the OP or their own group.

and also, im not immune to any of the behaviors i dont like above myself. there are also limits in what i know. :v hypocritical of me lmao

[ikosburneraccount]

okay so

i am fairly new to your blog and understand the anti ts stuff and i just wanted to say that even with all the racism (i only know the recent stuff and im appalled, who knows what has been going on for years) poc from asian countries still love her. im indian and i have SO. MANY. FRIENDS. who absolutely eat up everything she does and follow her blindly even though theyre willing to call out other forms of racism and bigotry by other people and get so hurt if you try and call ts out. they organise ts events and are a really huge and vocal fandom in india as well. their hypocrisy and obsession is so weird and annoying.

I wish I could tell you how many times I read this over Anon. This is INSANE TO ME!! I completely understand why you're annoyed with their hypocrisy, because this is boggling my mind. Like I cannot stop reading this over I am so confused by their actions 😭

I've heard that they're a lot of Asian Swifties but I've never met them IRL or really seen them online either (IS is the only person I can think of), so thank you for letting me know that they do in fact exist and unfortunately in large numbers as well.

I'm also struggling with how PoC Swifties rationalize liking her music despite TS's own explicit racism. Especially since so many PoC Swifties in my life (they are not my friends. I simply know them) are like your friends who aren't afraid to call out racism, sexism, homo/transphobia, etc. yet will openly stream and yearn to TS.

(Although, I will say, ALL of them fetishize white people. Like they only go after and want to date white people. It's the weirdest and most unsettling phenomenon I've witnessed specifically among PoC Swifties.)

I think it's a demonstration of how flawed their own ideological commitments are if they can push aside and ignore racist actions of their favorite artist because their music is just "so good." It shows who and what they're willing to sacrifice to continue justifying their love for this racist musician, and them getting defensive just shows that they know liking her is inconjunct with their proclaimed beliefs.

When I see people act like this on social media, I often question their ulterior motives when they call out racism and bigotry. To what extent does their solidarity apply to, and to who? Why do they present themselves as left leaning politically when their actions say otherwise?

It undermines their actions and commitment and shows their internalized racism that they can continue supporting a racist artist like this. I have dealt with PoC like this, who present themselves as an ally, who say all the right words and right things and yet their actions consistently undermine their actions which led me to distancing myself from them and in my experience, unfortunately reinforcing my skepticism with other PoC :(

It's why people say PoC solidarity is a myth, because your friends are an example of how they would rather continue stanning a racist white artist knowing she's dated someone who's consumed and masturbated to pornographic content that explicitly showed torturing Black women. (here's a link to a reddit post that explains it (sfw)).

It's easier for them to ignore what she did than it is to hold themselves accountable knowing that she dated someone like this and what it means for them and what it says about their beliefs. You're right; not only are they hypocrites, but they display blatant cognitive dissonance by stanning TS.

tl;dr you're not crazy, they really aren't down for their beliefs like they say/act like they are if they continue defending/stanning a blatant racist white woman like her. they should work on their internalized racism and not bother calling themselves allies to other PoC (esp. black women) as long as they stan her.

I hope this is a satisfactory response to your ask, anon (also I really hope this makes sense) 😭 Thanks for sending this in!

[kedakirahei]

Woah. an actual, proper intro/pin post?

Hey! Yeah, I'm finally making one of these. about time, too! ALT ACC: @c4tt41l-the-stupid

I go by LITERALLY dozens of names, but four that I will always respond to are Zeph/Zephyr, C4TT41L, and Keda. im the guy who cant make up his mind when it comes to shipping characters haha, multishipping fun

I am not religious and never will be. When I swear to something or the like, i most likely will replace a word with 'Void' or 'The ancients', 'Three Moons', 'By the stars', 'In the name of THE DREAMER', etc...

I am a yucky little self-shipper (Thats right- I ship my ocs and self inserts with canon characters). If you don't like that, please do not bother me about it. I don't want to hear it. If it bothers you that much, you can just block my account or ignore me. Thank you.

Transmasculine! Please respect my pronouns- HE/THEY preferred!

I accept everyone and anyone, xenogenders, neopronouns, homoflexible, etc.

...well.. almost everyone..

....Except for you disgusting Pro/Com shippers, Ableist, "Super Straights", TERFS, Shota/Lolicons, "MAP"/Pedos, Zoos, Etc, Get off of my fucking blog, NOW. You are NOT welcome here, not now, and not EVER. That goes for all other problematic and disgusting-acting people. if you fall under the general DNI list, do not interact with me.

Despite being English (U.S.A), I tend to be really fuckin trash at speaking my own native tongue. I am trying to learn:

Spanish

Norwegian

Proud shipper of HOURGLASS/SPEEDRUN (SHATTERED OMORI x LICKETY-SPLIT KEL), SHUTTERBOMB (STRANGER X LETTERBREY) and NIGHTSHADE/OREOSUNDAE (STRANGER X OMORI)

Sometimes, I project onto characters i like, so hope that doesn't bother you guys! I mostly project onto my OCs, though. Those posts will often be dark in theme, so be wary.

■ ♡ ☆ I AM A MINOR. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL OR SUGGESTIVE JOKES TO ME UNLESS YOU'RE A FRIEND THAT I'M FINE WITH DOING THAT, ITS JUST COMMON DECENCY, DONT DONT FOLLOW ME IF YOU POST NSFW!☆ ♡ ■

stupid extra words and information under cut

• I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at a pretty young age, at around 2.

• I have a really bad time reading tone over text. Please try not to be too rude to me, it actually hits a lot harder than you think. Alternatively, use tone tags.

• I make AUs then drop it like a hot potato. please dont expect me to be consistent with anything, especially not AUs and art i make.

• If I like alot of your posts, its because i have no life and constantly check my dash every day. I am chronically online.

• i will have periods of complete inactivity, especially when it comes to my drawings.

• I struggle to control how i am feeling and tend to have outbursts of anger commonly, tending to take that out on my characters and sometimes others. Please know if i say something rude, i do not mean it, and PLEASE TELL ME WHEN IM GOING OVERBOARD.

• My askbox is ALWAYS open until i say otherwise! Don't be afraid to speak to me, i don't bite!

• I am a Multifandomic Mess. I might switch fandoms in a week, then go back or whatever.

• I use "Dude", "Bro", "Homie", etc in a gender neutral way. If you dont like these nicknames, Do tell me and I will stop calling you it!!

• i use "<3" platonically when i am talking to a person. My actual heart goes to my fictional characters aha

• Tag requests are okay, don't be shy!

• I am a big shipper of characters, and i mean BIG, i am SO INDECISIVE.... Artisaint, SolarFlare NIGHTSHADE/OREOSUNDAE, SHUTTERBOMB, and HOURGLASS/SPEEDRUN are my main ones. I do like all other non-problematic ships tho!

• I repeat things on occasion. Do tell if I have repeated something over and over multiple times.

THE AMOUNT OF TAGS I AM GOING TO ADD IS PAIN.

[spring-lxcked]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

NAME.  nicole or aspen

PRONOUNS.  she / they (i sometimes have a slight preference for one over the other day-to-day, but overall either is fine)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION.  if you need me to respond quickly, IMs are probably the way to go. if you want to have a long-term convo/don't care about quickness, discord (nicolenostalgia) is best!

MOST ACTIVE MUSE.  currently it's obviously this rabbit bastard, but my other consistently most active muse has been kokichi (@takinghisbow). outside of him, i tend to go through periods of strong hyperfixation on specific muses. single muse blogs for me are pretty exclusively for muses i don't intend on taking long breaks from ever (outside of necessity)

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS.  i've been rping since i was around 9 (and far too young to be freely online, but whatever). i've been on tumblr since i was ~14, but didn't start rping here until like. . . 3-4 years ago? prior to tumblr i rp'd on forums, via email with individual friends, and on furcadia (my longest experience and very defining for me ngl. i know it's, like, cringe or whatever, but <3).

BEST EXPERIENCE.  i mean, generally just the genuine friends i've made and continue to make on here. but also, to be slightly more specific, few things stand out in my memory as favorite rp moments more than the funny, crack-y, shit-posting times where me and some of my mutuals are just losing our minds. i love running jokes on my blogs, i love being @'d, i just love love love that non-serious sort of interaction sm.

RP PET PEEVE.  if you start public shit/write callouts about someone because they were slightly rude to you or you just don't like them? [cocks gun] (legally i'm joking, but i'm so glad i haven't seen this kinda shit in awhile. save it for dangerous people, please). other than that, i've had Experiences where my frequently-thirsted-after-by-fandom male muse just gets an Onslaught of ppl who will absolutely try to force ship with their OC. it hasn't happened here, but admittedly i'm like. sitting on the edge of my seat LMAO. (like, it's kinda funny but it's hella disrespectful).

PLOTS OR MEMES.  memes tend to be a better starting point for me unless you already have a specific idea in mind OR we're working off of one of our wishlist posts. i have this Thing where the moment someone asks me to plot every single idea i've ever had leaves my head fdkshfsd. the only exception to this is if it's not immediately obvious how our muses would meet. at which point, either plotting OR just specifying something in a meme you send would be great.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES.  cursed to love long replies, forced to have executive dysfunction lmao. i mean, i love interactions of any length, but i do looooove getting really into my muse's mindset and exploring it. because of mental health, tho, longer thread usually = longer wait for my reply. not always, it depends on my muse. once we're getting 5+ paras, it might be a bit of a wait (even tho i still love it).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES.  knee-jerk reaction was to say no abt william lmao. in all seriousness, i'd say. . . we have a similar sense of humor, regrettably. and more than that, i feel like my draw to writing muses in general who "wear a mask" and hide their real personalities has been a bit of an. . . unintentional exploration relating to my own masking. i've a only realized in recent years that i likely have ADHD (and maybe autism?), and the realization that the Me In Public is literally Not Me was. crazy. i think that, even though william is a complete bastard, there's something to writing a muse who is always performing. i mean, before i even understood what masking was i remember telling my mom that being around almost anyone irl felt like putting on a show to pretend to be "normal." so anyway me, kokichi, and william are holding hands (eurgh).

TAGGED BY. @gateway31 ( <3 <3 <3 ) TAGGING. whoever would like to do it!!

[ythmir-writes]

Hello dears! It’s the last 29ish hours of the open bar! So let me take this opportunity to say a few things.

First and most important -  THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who participated! To everyone who ordered, liked, reblogged, did both, made tag dumps, sent their compliments, you all have my heartfelt gratitude! everyone who took a moment to read what I wrote THANK YOU ｡ﾟ+.(･∀･)ﾟ+.ﾟ

I never imagined so many orders would come in! _(:3｣∠)_  I started this thinking I’d just get a handful of asks for writing practice, which is why the period for this stint is five days. I am blown away that this little idea of mine would get this much attention! I hope my bar tending has been able to satisfy and give you a dose of what you needed (and more).

In line with the success this gig got, I’ll be reopening my bar in the future! Please look forward and continue reading my works until then. (๑•̀ㅁ•́ฅ✧

For anyone curious how I write my longer works, I’m plugging in the grand masterlist. And of course, I’ll make a master list for Shots once I’ve finished (and clean up my masterlists too)

SOOOO - bar’s still open - I’ve got 33 more orders pending but I am still accepting (because im a lil shit who doesn't know how to stop) so send them in! (ง •̀ω•́)ง✧

[creacherkeeper]

so i’ve seen some people (mostly on twitter) say things like “oh everyone on the internet thinks theyre autistic” in ways that are mostly used to dismiss self-dx but i kind of wanted to talk about that for a second. so pardon the ramble 

disclaimer up front that i am super PRO self dx as someone who is professionally diagnosed, has done a ton of autism advocacy in leadership positions, and just started a new job working with autistic people in a professional social work capacity 

so there IS this stereotype of like. everyone in certain circles thinking theyre autistic because its like some sort of trend or excuse for certain behaviors. the people saying this are seemingly under the assumption that some/most of these people are NOT ACTUALLY autistic and are just claiming to be 

but here’s the thing. a lot of this happens in fandom circles. you know, fandom, a place where people talk at length about interests in a very deep and focused capacity where you can manage your social circle so most of the people youre talking to shares interests and wants to talk about them a lot? you know, online, that has a specific way of communicating that can be easier to read for someone who struggles with body language and where people wont subconsciously discriminate against folks who have othered body language and speaking? i’m saying that fandom is a place that inherently attracts neurodivergent people, especially autistic people who are more likely to be introverted (not all, i am a ~rare extroverted autistic~) and want to socialize more online where they have more control over communication and content 

also, autistic people are more likely to be influential in fandoms because they’re usually the ones sticking with fandoms for long periods of time and producing a lot of consistent content for it. if someone has been running a fandom-specific blog for years and has a hundred fics written for it (or gifsets or art or meta etc) i can guarantee theyre more likely to be autistic than any random person on the street. so you have a lot of autistic BNFs (big name fan) who are not only attracting other fans like themselves, but are sometimes making posts or reblogging things about neurodivergency and autism. which attracts MORE autistic people to their blog/fandom but ALSO is exposing non-dx’d people to what autism is who maybe wouldnt have encountered it otherwise. so people who maybe never wouldve gotten dx’d or self dx’d are now learning about autism in fandom spaces and going “wait thats me!!”. so having prominent autistic people is cultivating a circle of neurodivergence in fandom 

NOW before you come at me with like “but autism isnt that common!!! they cant all be autistic!!!” im going to argue that autism is WAY WAY MORE COMMON THAN MOST PEOPLE THINK IT IS 

when you hear these statistics like “1 in 60 people are autistic” (some recent stats say 1 in 54) THIS IS MISLEADING because it is mostly based on DIAGNOSED CHILDREN and not the actual prevalence of autistic people 

diagnosis is not only financially inaccessible and locationally inaccessible (i dont think thats a word but um. yeah a lot of people do not have diagnositicians anywhere near them) but diagnosis is also skewed heavily towards stereotypically-presenting white male children!! adults, AFAB/female presenting people, and people of color are MORE likely to get misdiagnosed and LESS likely to be diagnosed with autism even if they are autistic. plus, a lot of people get diagnosed later in life and wouldnt be included in statistics about children (i was dx’d at age 19 after seeking out a diagnosis myself against the wishes of my parents who never wouldve let me get evaluated had i been a minor. i am still autistic and should be counted.). not only that, but our diagnostic criteria is heavily biased towards how autism presents in DISTRESSED AND TRAUMATIZED individuals which means healthy and happy autistic people probably will not get a diagnosis from a professional even if they are autistic  

basically what i’m saying is we have no idea how prevalent autism is, but it is probably way way more common than people think, even going off of that “1 in 54 children are diagnosed” statistic. so taking into account that autism could make up a significant portion of the population, that we tend to group together even if we dont know we’re/others are autistic, AND that fandom/the internet is an inherently attractive model of community to autistic people .....

yeah, “everyone on the internet thinks theyre autistic” literally what of it. we probably are mind your business 

[miiilowo]

ok but just to let you know- you are 100% not alone. fnaf is like never leaving me. it has become such a big part of who i am now. honestly its kinda amazing

yeah!!!!!!!!!

fnaf was my first ever fandom and its what introduced me to online spaces and it got me watching youtube and whatnot <3 im VERY glad it did id rather die than end up being on straight tiktok or something

it immediately thrust me into more ..i guess alt??? communities (edgy teenagers in 2015 w invader sim pfps) and i ended up learning about LGBT stuff. because of fnaf. shoved me into a whole new world that id continue to fester in for years and years and still havent left. it illustrated to me that i love horror as well, and its weird to think i used to never consume scary content because thats like a HUUUUUGE part of who i am now

most importantly though it got me really into art. like, id been drawing before then, but going on youtube and seeing fnaf speedpaints made me wanna get good at it. it motivated me to take it seriously. whenever i make speedpaints nowadays i think fondly about how proud little 9 year old me would be of me lmao

i dont really have any negative memories associated with it. theres a very specific emotion i feel when consuming old fnaf content (namely fan songs i used to listen to) that i cannot really begin to describe. its not quite nostalgia, its not quite happiness, and i literally only ever feel it when im lookin at old fnaf shit. It's the emotion i felt consistently when i was into fnaf for the first time back in 2015 and ive coined it "The Fnaf Emotion" because i literally never feel it outside of fnaf. i know one other person whos experienced this but i dont know if theres anybody else. please. someone help me find a word for this shit

even ignoring that i just......i dunno man, its good! the idea was original, and scott cawthon poured his whole heart and soul into these games. it definitely shows. i miss him. i might criticize the new entries in the series pretty aggressively but its entirely because i love the franchise so much that i have high standards for it. it means a lot to me and i really want it to continue being good

fnaf basically set me on course to be the person that i am today and i 100% believe that without it my life would be entirely different. its like the biggest example of the butterfly effect in my life that i can think of its fucking insane

[talas-starlight]

a modern romance - peter parker x reader

summary: the downfall of meeting peter online and falling for him

warnings: angst, rly sad lol, confusing feelings - not that long?

a/n: hiya friends!! this is my very first marvel/ peter fic & im hella nervous but lmk what you think!! hehe 

The moons iridescent glow glimmers upon the sad expression that etched its way onto your face. There’s nothing special about the sky on this particular night. The deep blue so dark, you’d pass it off as a plain black if anyone asked. You suppose it perfectly matches the emotions which have weaved its way through your soul. Muted ticks of the living room clock squeeze their way under your door. It’s not loud enough to block out the silence that encompasses you, allowing the thoughts you skilfully blocked out throughout the day to invade your mind. Yet as you sit on the edge of your bed after your entire family has finally fallen asleep, for once in your life you wished it was loud again. Loud enough that you wouldn’t be so consumed with your thoughts that you don’t even notice the small breeze swaying your curtains side to side because you forgot to shut the window.  

It’s not your fault.

Screwing your eyes shut, you take in the deepest breath you can muster. Your lungs filled to the brim with air, but instead of making you feel alive, its wholeness makes you choke back a small cry.

Deep down, you acknowledged that you fell for him. You even saw it coming with your history of getting attached for too quickly, but for the first time you were bothered by the outcome. So, bothered you wanted to scream.

On one hand, you knew the chances of it working out were slim to none. How could you so foolishly let yourself open up to the point where you’d fall for his sweet, bright smile and soft curls through your phone screen?

Online relationships never work.

But alas, after talking so consistently for so long, you allowed yourself to believe that for once it could genuinely work out.

**

“Did you know we’ve been talking for three months straight now?!”

“Really?! It honestly feels longer than that. To think it was all because I tweeted about being stressed for my chemistry final.”

His laugh fills your heart, “You’re lucky I came to the rescue. But I guess you could say this is our anniversary.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Anniversary? Does he mean he’s interested in me?

Letting out a small breath you didn’t even realise you were holding in, you giggled, pushing the hopeful thoughts aside. It wouldn’t work; he lives in a completely different country.

Eyes glancing to the side, you’re nervous to even look at him. You gulp. “How are you so sure?”

It's silent. Despite the slightly blurry connection between the two of you, you notice a small blush creep its way onto his face.

“Pete?”

“I may or may not have scrolled all the way to the top of our conversation to check?”

It was at that point where you felt like your heart skipped a beat. Your chest was freezing completely and every logical thought you’ve been trying to drill into your brain not to yearn for the American boy fly’s out the window.

Play it cool.

“Aweee! I knew you were whipped.”

As the weeks went on from that conversation, you continued to grow more and more infatuated with the boy through the screen.

That was your exact downfall.

While only ever being able to communicate online at obscure times of the day, you initially saw it as a blessing. Study for uni during the day, talk to peter before you go to bed.

Alas, it was a curse in disguise.

Finding yourself thinking about how he would make you laugh and completely over the moon every single night, you eventually became reckless. As he would fill you in on the Star Wars marathon he had with Ned while you were sleeping, it became impossibly hard to ignore how your heart would yearn to be there with him. To see him in his complete element in person. To rest your head on his shoulder as he stared with amazement towards the screen. You knew it wouldn’t happen, but what did you do instead? You confessed.

It all seemed harmless at first. What could go wrong? Yes, he might not feel the same way, but it’s not like you’d actually have to face him. He’d still want to be your friend regardless.

Or at least that’s what you told yourself.

Cringing at the confidence you had in yourself a week prior to your confession, frustrated words of abuse towards your actions swim in your mind.

When you confessed during a game of truth, he actually admitted there were feelings there for you too. Yet as the days went on, feeling confident enough to tell him how cute he looked during your daily facetimes or snapchats… you felt him drifting away—pulling back. Almost as if he were a man overboard that didn’t want you to jump into the ocean to bring him back.

Smooth streams of air push their way out from your parted lips. Screwing your eyes shut, you shove the heels of your palms against them desperately willing yourself to not break down in sobs.

Why did you have to ruin it?

You wanted to be mad. Furious. You kept telling yourself that he could’ve said something. He could’ve been honest with you and give you a chance to get over your feelings so you could both stay friends. But he didn’t. The reality was it honestly felt like he let go completely, and it didn’t matter how frustrated you were as you suffered halfway across the world.

You didn’t know what you could do to bring him back, and there was absolutely not a single thing you could do about it.

*Ding!*

It was a notification from peter. It wasn’t a ‘hi’ or a ‘how are you?’ but he sent a TikTok to you for some random comedy skit. The first form of contact in three days.

Maybe it wasn’t like before. It may never return to how it was before and your contact with him will most likely fade into nothing at all, but you couldn’t help but smile a little because he was still there.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

taglist: lmaO ok so i dont have a taglist for peter or tom or whatever but im just guna tag some mutuals/ friends i do have on here that are involved in the fandom - im so sorry for tagging u in this if u didnt want to be! i wont do it in the future unless u actually want me to but eep! but eek feel free to give me feedback or what u think :)

@kelieah @hollanderfangirl @peterbenjiparker @euphorichxlland​ @stuckonspidey​

[gevejsbvdj]

Pt. 2

the continuation of what inspired my leave beneath the cut

I have a friend, who I got along with really well because we are both Afro Latinas (only she can speak Spanish. I don’t, not really) and we are black kids who had an interest in unconventional topics. I messaged her before disappearing about the ending of the server. I was keeping her updated all throughout, but after telling her the ending, I left her on read

I won’t disclose what I got up to during my absence. But again, don’t think that I had a breakdown because of the server ONLY. It was the final straw. I had so much going on in my life and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

Anyways, she took it upon herself to send hateful messages to Ley’s account and thought it was something to be proud of and told me. I...wasn’t impressed. But I still didn’t respond to our chats. Then she (her name is Rex. I’m gonna call her that) dmed Ley and was actually pretty aggressive towards her in an attempt to get answers. Again, not impressed but it was enough for me to actually come online. I feel like that’s why she acted out, to get me online. I don’t think she cared about me and used my pain to hurt others.

I had extremely brief, passing conversations with people who weren’t involved with the situation at all right before I messaged Rex. 

Ley was special to me before her message. I was always very defensive and protective of her like I was everyone else, but her especially because I thought she was nice. And I remembered when people were being mean to me, she reached out. And I still appreciate her for doing that. 

Which was why it was so confusing when Rex told me that they were all mad at me because I ACCUSED JOANE OF GROOMING PEOPLE. They wanted a reason to make me the villain so badly that they made shit up.

Notice how here, she says that I called Joane a FUCKING PEDO. Not even just a groomer but an outright PEDOPHILE. 

I’ve been raped. I’ve been sexually assaulted, groomed, all of that. I don’t say shit. I never say anything. I’ve even been accused- yes, ACTUALLY ACCUSED unlike Joane- to being a paedophile. I’m 19. Not even just that but I’m freshly 19. I got accused when I was 17. But I would never just- ughhhh moving on I don’t wanna get into it. 

When Rex asked for proof, this is way Ley sent her:

In this screenshot, I’m literally discussing how Joane’s childish behaviour could get her killed. I was concerned. Again, where’s the bullying?

Rex told me that Ley said she was wrong for not having proof, and I understand. Ley wasn’t present when it all went down

But really Ley? 

I heard a quote from someone that said something like “if someone believed a lie about you without checking up on you first to see if there was proof, then they were already looking for something to destroy you with to begin with” or SOMETHING like that. So I thought back to that quote and felt awful. I always suspected that they didn’t really like me, but always marked it up to my depression talking nonsense. But after all of this...maybe it was true. Why did I come out the most damage? Why were they making up lies about me? Me, out of all of them. Why was I consistently being seen as the bad guy overall? No really tell me. 

Anyways, this was Ley’s justification to believe that I would say such an awful thing:

Okay. Let’s just say that- Joane WAS a groomer. That she actually is a paedophile and I commented on it. She’s obviously not but I’m pulling a Ben Shapiro here. Everything else is the same only Joane is a paedophile. 

That motherfucking “it’s weird that he only spoke up when they were arguing” argument, and other arguments like that are so fucking toxic. As well as “well it wasn’t a problem that never came up before” so??? That’s what the fucking #metoo movement was all about. Timing means NOTHING when it comes to that. It doesn’t matter if it’s Joane or fucking Bill Cosby. The fact that thought came to Ley’s head is so fucking upsetting and DISGUSTING.THAT mentality is why people never want to believe victims of assault. Same goes for “they could have said that privately” guys she’s talking about that user who said they were uncomfortable with Joane coming onto him. Privately? It was private to him. In that server, we’ve made it known that it’s a very homey and comfortable environment. And who the fuck are you to tell someone where and when they can speak up about something like that???

Also, she accused me of calling her a pedo again. Good for me right? I’m a bully and I’m someone who just blindly calls people paedophiles. Good for me, damn. 

No, you shouldn’t believe someone right away when they call someone a groomer. God don’t I know that. But you definitely don’t say THAT what the fucking fuck. 

Jesus. Okay, moving on. 

Rex aggressively messaged Mel who had something similar to say:

uggh, you WERE the toxic environment i wanted to flee from,.

It hurts. It hurts a lot to see another friend you looked up to call you a bully. And that they just say that you called someone a groomer when you didn’t. 

Mel couldn’t provide proof either. 

Mel also tagged her post with someone kinda ignorant. 

Imagine if (thinking of someone I and others don’t always agree with) someone like James Charles made a post broadcasting all the homophobia he dealt with during his career, and I or some other asshole said something “while I don’t always agree with James…” like now isn’t the time. Now isn’t the time to let people you know you disagree with me ESPECIALLY on a post where you agree with me 100%??? What is the point then? You agreed with me, so agree with me. There. No one is saying that you have to agree with everything I say lord fucking knows I don’t always agree with you guys. fucking DUH. It makes me think you just wanted to put that in to lesson me and my words, even only slightly. Why? That hurts a lot, Mel. It really fucking does bruh.

When Rex called her out on it, she deleted the reblog. Not just the meagre little tag but the whole post. If she couldn’t be slick with me, then she wasn’t going to support me at all. It isn’t worth it if she can’t be shady. That’s the message I got from that. Tells me a lot. 

I am not friends with Rex anymore. She’s always been really aggressive and drama craving and I can’t take it. It’s impacting me negatively as well. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat happy with the screenshots she gave me. Told me a lot about these people I was still willing to talk to. 

Now? I won’t even waste their time.

After all of that. I made the post. The big announcement post. It was too much. I can’t escape the racism in my hometown or in the country in general, but I can leave and distance myself from the fandom. 

I was talking to someone today, and she, as a white woman, admitted that white people act so shitty when it’s implied that they’re racist. Which is so true. 

As I said, people make mistakes. No white person EVER is 0% racist or biased. I’m sorry but it’s not true unless you’re a baby or something. Same goes for other races, but mainly white people who have always had the upper hand, the privilege, the money, the chances, the power, all of that. 

Listen to me. 

When a person of color tells you that you are being microaggressive, biased, ignorant, or prejudice, or straight up RACIST, YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM. Why do you guys get so AGGRESSIVE AND MAD?? That is so fucking WEIRD. 

And yes. I’m talking to you Vulture. 

I really had no ill feelings towards you prior to your comments.

Or your posts. 

peep that clumsily used aave. never fucking talked like that to anyone but me. either way, you sound dumb.

Why?

Why so...mad?

You felt guilty? Why did you feel guilty? 

...I’m gonna let you answer that. 

Moving on. I know that not everything has to be about race. I hate making things about my race. I do, even when I should! But you can be racist unintentionally. Does that mean you’re racist? No! I have yet to receive a genuine apology from any of you, meanwhile, I’ve been over here grovelling and hoping that you like me again. God. Why is it so hard for you to apologize and move on??

No, in that same fucking server, someone sent a racist meme after joking about slavery all day:

And yes, the people in the chat at the time laughed at it... 

I told them that WASNT funny and they freaked out all “WHY CANT I TALK TO PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING STUPID I SUCK” like oh...my god. You guys make it so awkward being black oh my GOD. I- like it makes me never want to say ANYTHING but I know I have to but god what the hell guys???

I wouldn’t really think that the members of the server chat were racially biased if they just accepted the fact that they were micro aggressive and didn’t flip out about it. Not really, at least. That reaction is so- well it’s sus as fuck. People who aren’t prejudiced will apologize, correct themselves and move on. Not dismiss me constantly and DEFINITELY not freak the fuck out. 

I also wouldn’t assume they were racially biased if this SAME EXACT SITUATION DIDNT HAPPEN TO ME BEFORE. 

Yep! On the Beatles Amino, I was called a bully and was reported by the LEADERS. Why? Because I told a curator she was inconsistent with her rules… that’s it. And that was back when I was sugary sweet all the time and was deemed to be a cinnamon roll. Nah. They knew I was black and I got told that people were scared of me and that I was bullying people. Yeah okay. Messaging ONE curator about her rules is the same thing as bullying people. Chile I can’t. And it only happens in the Beatles fandom. But no when someone calls John Lennon a racist it’s all “Zach! Zach! Tell them they’re wrong.” Ugh...

So that’s that on that. I have nothing else to say. Don’t message me about this post if you didn’t read all of this. I’m an idiot and I’m honestly still willing you hear you all out but don’t expect me to ever want to have anything to do with you. Out of the what- 50 people from that server, only two stood up for me? And two separate people APOLOGIZED TO ME. AND THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. That’s a shame. Thank you Johnny, Lenny, Laurie, and Remy. All of your names rhyme and you didn’t make me feel like I was CRAZY, unlike those I mentioned. There’s so much shit going on in the world rn, especially to do with racism. I know that you guys know. But some posts really....really tried me. oh well. I’m black. I like The Beatles. And I’m a victim of microaggressions, false accusations, gas lighting. I’m also out. bye.

black lives matter resources

[transrightsjimin]

this might seem like a silly question but do you think tae has been okay this past year? i used to be super into bts 2013-17 and im getting back into them again so ive been watching run bts but he seems so much more quiet than i remember, ive only watched the last maybe 6 eps but i was just wondering do u think hes just tired or is this something thats been consistent? idk how to phrase my question properly i hope you understand

i dont want to psychoanalyze him too much (and have already been accused of doing so nd been attacked bc i once said i relate to him a lot in terms of my autism nd that seeing him makes me happy but. whatever lol) so i’ll just go by what he shared w us nd what is known. i’ve been a fan since 2014 and knew the group since 2013 so i will share what i know and read throughout the years. i hope my answer is a bit more helpful than the quora pages where people ask something similar to your ask (but with infantilizing nd ableist language instead) but in the end, i don’t know him nd just go by interviews and past observations.

Taehyung has shared w fans that he has been feeling depressed the past year and dealt w sleeping problems, which i think he has mentioned in a few times but the first one i can think of is in his interview in Weverse magazine, where he discusses how tired and down he’s felt in 2020. He also explains his thoughts behind the song Blue & Grey, which is meant to comfort people in that sort of headspace. while i think he has become more quiet over the years in general, you can def see his mood change the past year. as a side note, i notice the same about the other members when watching old concerts and such. they put a lot of effort and energy into activities they could do lately but i was still really caught off guard seeing how much more happy and excitable they all looked when in front of a real audience. which is all understandable of c bc as they noted before, an audience recharges their energy of course.

i thought he had become generally more reserved over the years, even before 2020. fans have speculated it is because his grandmother (who raised him for 10+ years nd whom he had a great bond w) had passed away and he has even received a lot of hate for expressing at a show that she died as he was portrayed as ‘attention seeking‘. a good friend of him also died by suicide in 2017 and in 2018 his grandfather died. these deaths are some of the possible reasons he might be looking less excitable.

in bts festa 2019 the members talk about how much more taehyung has matured over the years, e.g. being more mindful of others. Tae adds that he changed his mind on what happiness means for him, as he used to think it meant when everything was great for him, but later on he realized that it made him most happy when all members are happy together and when he sees the positive in things. so there’s a part of maturity there in terms of being less careless / stubborn / free-spirited, even if (as the members state) that is also what used to draw in fans back in the day because he drew attention in shows.

so it’s not per se bad he became more quiet / reserved and less stubborn as it helps be mor considerate of other ppl and he reflected on how he could make the most out of difficult situations.

i’m not sure if it was him too but members have mentioned in songs and interviews (I thought also Jimin did so in the same festa but i couldn’t find the moment quickly) that many people have tried to get close to them, just because they found them interesting for their fame but not care for them. the group has become more critical to such interests and cut off people who mistreated their openness. this might not per se be the whole reason for him smiling less or a reason at all, but his character did change over the years.

it might be important to add that his character / vibe (which i will rather refer to as autistic traits than any of the ableist language people online use :S ) is what drew a lot of negative attention by netizens, such as when he mentioned his grandma on tv, or when he cried on mama 2018 stage, or when he mouthed along to a song when they won an award in 2015. him just being goofy and happy were falsely flagged as misbehaviour in controversies caused by (then) larger fandoms that tried to undermine bts.

i am in no way saying Taehyung is the only one targeted or anything. i actually really hate that framework considering all of bangtan have been targeted by hate nd went through hard times mentally as a whole. and there is a HUGE issue recently within the fandom, where solo stans of tae have been popping up, who pretend bangtan mistreats tae and that he needs to go solo. which is just insulting considering he keeps emphasising they are a group /family and that he wants people to care for all of them and not just one. what i meant to say instead is that his behaviour has changed a lot bc it has been criticized a lot.

and as a final note i want to say that it is not particularly unnatural for Tae to be more quiet / depressed / reserved. i remember that early on in my army days, either in early 2014 or early 2015, Tae was not active on social media and generally more reclusive to the public for several months in a row. then too, people speculated he was tired or overwhelmed or depressed and idk if that is true, he was just less present to the public, but i meant to address that in the past too he could be more quiet or reserved at times so it’s not completely new or different for him to be more in the background. which is totally ok and in this case, we know he is more down and why. i dont think the members are obligated to talk to us about their mental or physical health, but i do appreciate them speaking up anyway bc it is very reassuring nd opens up healthy conversations.

TLDR; tae’s personality and public persona did change over the years, for both bad and good reasons, but morever it is true that he struggled w being depressed and w sleeping problems (as he himself discussed). the pandemic doesn’t help those issues.

i hope this answers your question?

i ended up still going WAY in to depth and speculating but i tend to ramble and look up links to support stuff i remember jfhgk sorry about the long answer, i always forget where im going once im typing. my answer already feels too much like psychoananalyzing him and im not a fan who disect a picture of e.g. a member smiling / looking somewhere / not smiling and writing a whole essay on his thoughts or traumas or whatnot behind it. so i hope i didn’t come off as going that route. ^^;

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[hennessymt13]

MY 3 CHOSEN FIELD OF EXPERTISE & INFLUENCER

Hello! As for today, I will be sharing to everyone about my thoughts in today’s generation specifically in Social Media.

So, what is Social Media? According to dictionary, it’s a websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking. Basically, it is a site where people can interact with each other and can be able to exchange their ideas or thoughts though they are far from each other. In present, most of us are into social media even children, adults or elderly have their own social networking site account. Well, we can’t deny the fact that social media is very important and useful to everyone…age really doesn’t matter at all by the help of social media, we can do many things, it can help to make our work much productive with the use of internet connection and other social networking sites, we can communicate to our long distance relative even to our special someone, we can even do a shopping like buying clothes, shoes, food online or any stuff that we want just by staying at home, and can even play games without going outside and spending more energy to commute or walk. So isn’t it really amazing to have social media in our life?

We have different types of social media that we should love to explore!

Personally, I’m using Facebook,_ Instagram_ and Twitter to enjoy my social life. Well, not just that because we have many social networking sites to enjoy.

Here we go, these are my top 3 Chosen fields of expertise/influencer.

ENTERTAINMENT-MUSIC

BTOB

BtoB (/ˈbiːtuːbiː/ BEE-too-bee; Korean: 비투비; acronym for  Born to Beat) is a South Korean boy band formed in 2012 by Cube Entertainment. The group consists of Seo Eun-kwang, Lee Min-hyuk, Lee Chang-sub, Im Hyun-sik, Peniel Shin, Jung Il-hoon, and Yook Sung-jae.

BtoB debuted on March 21, 2012, performing “Insane” (비밀) and “Imagine” on M Countdown.[1] The group’s debut EP, Born to Beat was released on April 3, 2012. They released their first full-length album, Complete, in June 2015. In November 2014 they made their Japanese debut with “Wow” under the Japanese agency Kiss Entertainment.

I really really love them since 2017! Yes, I’ve became a Melody (BTOB’s fandom name) almost 2 years and 7 months and still counting. Why I like them? It’s simply because I’m in love and mesmerized by their stunning voice, the first time I heard their song “It’s Okay” I was really hooked and I can’t get out of it! They’re my huge inspiration and influencer. I was touched by their perspective in life, I learned that “Patience is a Virtue” they encouraged me to pursue my desires because they say that when your still alive and kicking it’s not yet the end to push and fight for your dreams. Their words of wisdom gives me energy, they’re like my fuel that keeps my life going. Why I’m saying this because, they’ve already experienced it. It took 3 years after they got their first award in Show Champion, they also had a hard time during those days because not all people appreciates their songs and they are only recognized by few people despite of their amazing talent. BUT! They never ever gave up, they still continue their battle and now they are one of the biggest K-pop Boy group in South Korea. It only means that everything comes in a perfect timing by God’s Plan. That’s why I was inspired by them, always and forever.

They have their personal social media account, instagram.

ENTERTAINMENT-KNOWLEDGE

KOREAN DRAMA/MOVIE

I’ve watched many korean drama and movies but these dramas are my favorites. First is I really love the actress portraying the character which is Lee Ji-eun a.k.a IU. I like her drama acting skill, it’s really genuine that you would really feel the emotion she wanted to show, she’s also a singer and I also love her voice.

Lee Ji-eun (Korean: 이지은; born May 16, 1993), professionally known as IU (Korean: 아이유), is a South Korean singer-songwriter and actress. While still in middle school, IU auditioned for various talent agencies with ambitions of becoming a singer.

I love the drama because the plot of the story is very interesting for me, I believe in reincarnation that’s why it catches my attention when the story tells about the life of a person in the past, it’s like it really inspires me when they portraying that would really teaches you something, that would open up your mind to avoid doing bad practices. Reincarnation is like your Karma in life, what you are doing in the past will really reflect on your future. That’s why I am inspired to do good deeds only and be nice to other people.

Not just that, because the drama itself really gives me goosebumps, I was amazed by the animation, effects and how they focuses the camera to the actor/actress, the transition and of course the background music where in I used to know BTOB my favorite k-pop group because they sang one of the OST (Original Soundtrack) of Cinderella and the Four Knights which I also like.

BUSINESS

CHINKEE TAN

Chinkee Tan aka “Mr. Chink Positive!” BOOKS:“Till Debt Do Us Part: Practical Steps To Financial Freedom,” “For Richer and For Poorer,” and “Rich God Poor God,” which are now available at all branches of National Bookstore, Fully Booked, and Philippine Christian Bookstore nationwide.

He really inspired many people, he wrote books that could really help you to be wise in terms of money and how to be sucessful in life.

Personally, I was before a Business Management major in Financial Management student. I want to have my own business, earn money with my own blood and sweat because that will make me happy, to be stable in life, help the ones in need and travel my favorite places I want to visit someday. But as time passes by I’ve realized something that I can still push my dream in business, build my own establishment, and can even learn how to run a business despite of having different profession from business course, that’s why I pursue my second love which is BA-Communication, obviously I’m fond of entertainment where in I went to different path. But, I never leave business because it is my first love ever since.. when I finish my studies, I will still continue the thing I want which is having my own business. **

With the help of Chinkee Tan, he gave me a sense of enouragement and ideas on how to be wise in managing a business. He will open up your mind that luxury will not help you to have a sucessful life, instead it will fall you down.

See? The power of social media has a bigger factor in our life. It’s like a domino effect that will give a huge impact to the users.

But, don’t forget to use it in a better way, never use it to the things that would lead you into harm and would just ruin your life that God has given to us. Using social media is also a big responsibility to each one of us, it’s like playing a board game (chess) with just one wrong move you will lose your queen, in other way around… with just one wrong move it will ruin your life. So think, before you click.

**In the future, I would like to be a good contibutor to our country by the use of social media I can motivate people who’s hopeless and experiencing downfall in life. **

**We can use social networking sites to find ourself, like me…I haven’t realize yet what I really like not until I engage with entertainment. **

**It’s not yet the end.. Something is waiting for you. **

[aleteia-ff]

Thank you for reblogging that post regarding the "write more". I always get nervous when it comments to comment a story at this point because I struggle to express (as im not good with words) the author how amazing they did and how incredible the story is. Now the additional stress of "am I offending the author by saying this" doesn't help either. I thought that write more is an encouraging to the writers work and not a deman. Makes you just wanna gives kudos and stay silent.

Referring to this post from the other day

Thank you for having the courage to send me an ask, anon! I really appreciate you speaking up about your feelings on this. 

I totally get that you get nervous when writing a comment on a story, especially if you’re not a native speaker or if you struggle with online communication in general; it’s hard, after all! You lack facial expressions, a tone, anything that can tell the person you’re writing to how your words should be interpreted, apart from, of course, the actual words itself. 

And it also makes me incredibly sad that you get nervous. I get it, and I’m sure you’re not the only one; I have felt the same way myself, especially when commenting on works of people I didn’t know. Which is why I’m really happy that you send me this ask, because I hope it shows other people out there that they’re not alone either. 

But it makes me sad for exactly that reason you indicated; if I, as a reader, get so stressed about leaving a comment because I might unintentionally offend the author, why would I do something more than giving kudos? And I could go on a rant here about “Well, as authors, do you know how much stress we go through to write and publish a chapter?” in return, but that doesn’t really solve the problem, it’s just shifting blame and trying to decide who’s entitled to what. 

Because as an author, I feel this is a huge problem, because if too many readers start to feel this way instead of simply being enthusiastic to show their support, the comment count will naturally go down, and interaction within a fandom with it, and once we’ve entered such a negative spiral, it’ll take a lot of effort to get out of it. 

Then the question of course, is, how can we solve the problem? How can we ensure that the fandom is a space in which readers can comment in a relaxed way, and authors will still feel happy to receive those comments? 

I wish I knew the answer. But I don’t. I know that I, as an individual author, can do my best to communicate what I think is okay and what isn’t. And I consider myself quite hard to offend, so I welcome whatever comment I can get. But I know there are others who don’t feel the same way, such as with the “write more!” example, and I can’t speak for them, of course. 

In general, from a reader side, I think just reading your comment out loud once before you send it is smart, to see if you got the tone right. Adding a smiley or a GIF can hugely help with tone too! Apart from that, unless authors have indicated that they are sensitive to certain things, don’t worry too much about it. Comment because you think it’s fun. Comment because you love what we do. Comment because it makes you happy, and way more often than not it will make an author happy to. 

From the author side - which I have more experience with, and this is something I consistently do myself, I think it’s very important to assume comments are sent in good faith, and without negative intent. Because sometimes you’re going to get those comments of which you’re not sure how to interpret them. This can be for several reasons, such as the comment being short, being written by someone who doesn’t have the mastery of English a native does (I am a non-native speaker myself so I can relate), or being vague for any other reason. 

Sometimes, in these cases, it’s very easy to assume that this reader is being negative, or passive-aggressive. An example I’ve gotten myself was a reader simply commenting “interesting”. There are a thousand ways you could read the tone of that single world, from sarcastic, to passive-aggressive, to many other negative connotations. At this point, I believe that how you choose to interpret that comment is a choice. You have no other hints than the word itself, after all. And I thoroughly believe that for the sake of my own mood and for how we deal with each other in fandom and the assumptions we make about each other, choosing to interpret such a comment as positive is the right one to make. 

I assume people are here to enjoy themselves. I assume people post and comment in good faith. So this person, to me, commented “interesting” because they simply thought the story was interesting. If my interpretation was right, it kept me in a good mood, and I didn’t make unjust assumptions about this commenter. If my interpretation was wrong, I am quite unlikely to find out, at least for the time being, so I still stay in a good mood and I didn’t drag myself nor the commenter into an online discussion. I’d say it’s a win either way. 

Of course, sometimes you get comments that cross a line, but still, in this case, I try to assume people didn’t mean to be as rude as they sounded (there are exceptions, of course, if someone is outright calling you names, for instance), and calmly respond to them. Again, I try not to assume overly negative intent. 

I’d really like to hear you guys’ thoughts on this as well, as I think it’s a very interesting discussion and a very big issue for fandom if readers and creators - it extends to art etc as well, of course - become afraid, or nervous beyond ‘oh, you’re so cool, I’m starstruck!’ to interact with each other. 

And hence I believe that assuming negative intent or negative responses, from either side, is one of the most costly and often most unfair things we can do to each other. 

[loveisbraveandwild]

How did you get so many fans on here. I only have one and that means my posts won’t get reblogged and taylor won’t see them

hi! i’ve gotten this question from a number of anons & dms so im just going to make one long post abt it & hope ppl see it! i honestly have no idea! i made this account almost a year ago to date, with my instagram. I occasionally posted here but was mostly on instagram. my theme on instagram was really unique so i gained pretty fast. i also messaged a lot of people, from small to “big” accounts. i wanted to become friends with as many people as possible, but also understand how this online fandom functions. while not posting here all the time, i was posting a ton on instagram & kept this blog linked in my instagram bio. i was really lucky that i made so many friends so quickly. people reply a lot faster & consistently on instagram imo. i also got my first notice two months after joining which like never happens so im eternally grateful. i don’t know how taylor found it but she did & then thought it worthy enough to put on her insta story. 

about 4 or 5 months ago taylor liked a video on instagram with a bunch of people & we made a group blog based on her comment on said video. two months later she followed it. thats when i started to become really active on here. not only did she follow angels but she likes the blog’s posts which means a lot of people follow them because people tend to follow accounts that taylor follows (a. because they’re more likely to get a reblog from them & b. they just like find the account, ya know). & when i would reblog on angels people would follow me (again, probably because they wanted reblogs but also they were just discovering my blog).

i got into the editing game during this period. most of my tumblr friends i’ve made because of editing. i’m super active on here (its unhealthy). while i messaged a lot of people on instagram, i’ve found the best way to make friends here is by commenting on people’s posts! people love when you reblog their edits or witty text posts & if they (myself included) recognize you from their notifications, their more likely to answer a dm (tumblr doesnt have read receipts like instagram so people are less inclined to respond). I also send a lot of asks (not anons), again so people become familiar with my icon & url. When i left the aforementioned group blog i also gained a lot because the blog is fairly controversial & people saw it as like a selfless act, losing my taylor follow, idek i literally left for mental health reasons. 

& then i was lucky enough to meet taylor & have gained a lot since then. i think she invited me because of the blog, she invited about 20 people from it, & while i wasnt technically apart of it anymore i was still in the bio so i think thats how she found me. 

since leaving the blog i’ve gotten two notices. one from someone i literally did not & still dont really know. & then one from someone who is my mutual but we’ve never talked. i really don’t know how i’ve gained so fast other than the fact that im always on my phone, i try to be nice, & i post what i think to be creative, sometimes funny, & original content. i trust that most people in this fandom are kind & warm & i’m privileged in that i have an extroverted personality & feel comfortable messaging people i don’t know. my biggest pieces of advice, if i could give any would be to 1. stay active 2. step out of your comfort zone & meet new people & 3. post creative, original content. hope this was helpful! 

[yeoldontknow]

kat! love your all your fics you're an amazing writer! can you share some writing tips for amateur writers out here?

hi anon writing advice tag if youre looking for like...more specific answers? when it comes to writing, its a very subjective experience when it comes to finding inspiration, outline style, word choice, etc but theres a few things i think across the board are important to remember. 

going under a cut to not clog dashes

- consume as much media as you can. ex: books, music, film etc. i know for me personally im most inspired when im consuming art. i literally cannot write without music, like its genuinely so difficult because i pace my writing against the soundtrack of each scene. and the filtering, editing, and direction style of films/tv series i like will influence, in some manner, how the fic looks in my mind. yes, your plot and characters are found/uncovered in your brain and heart, but these other mediums assist in your interpretation of how youd like to express it and will help inspire the way you describe certain things. so dont be afraid to step back from a doc to consume other forms of art. for me, at least, its really important.

- keep writing and dont let yourself stop. once you decide you want to write a fic or drabble or whatever comes to mind, write it. and once that is done, write more. this is how you develop a style. you will notice the more you practice, the easier it gets. OR you will notice the more you write, the more evolved your writing becomes. this is how you form a style. here is an example: 

an excerpt from a series i was writing in 2011 in a different fandom:

No one tells you what it’s like to go insane. No one talks about it because, we, as a society, understand the chemistry and the biology of it, but we don’t understand the feeling of it. Time had started to compress, slipping around me in a computerized metronome of blood flow and heart beats that had started to tell me nothing except that I was still living. They hadn’t strapped me to the bed, but I still couldn’t leave and everything about the room started to feel like a cage. Sleep had eluded me since I was pulled out, and through the exhaustion and the haze of sameness I never knew exactly when I was beyond a date of 2266.

I was craving daylight - not the vitamin D, as I was being given a healthy dose of daily vitamins through an IV drip - the natural light and the natural warmth of it, all over my face and skin. The ceiling lights of the room provided an element of ultraviolet light, but after so many hours the falsehood of an invention began to wear a person down. It’s something you never really think about, the sun, not until you don’t have it, not until you haven’t seen it for one hundred years.

But when one hundred years feels like three days or two weeks, time really stops mattering and then the sun itself doesn’t feel so important.

from Empty Vessels, posted july 2019:

For a while, they do not speak. Minseok looks longingly out over the water, hollowed, as the herbalist regards the dirt on her shoes with an empty stare. In the silence, Junmyeon minutely nods, the bare threads of his patience allowing them space to find their words. Images spring to his mind, all imagined and none wholly formed, each as bleak and battered as the crow in Chanyeol’s arms. He wonders what Minseok has seen, unable to avoid with a clarity bordering on entrapment; he wonders what she has heard, whispers on the wind of a life he thought he’d left behind.

‘The trees are screaming,’ she announces, eyes still downcast though her voice is sharp; blunt as the edge of a sword and equally as unforgiving. ‘They’re in pain.’

It settles over him, slow and uncompromising, the notion that trees could make sound - that they would choose to. The oldest wisdom lingers in their branches, and for one brief moment, he sees her as someone as old as their roots.

i, at least, can see an enormous difference in quality and style and thats because ive been writing and writing and writing for a very long time lmao. in 2011 i was 3 years into writing fanfic consistently; at that time, too, i was still working towards my degrees and writing daily for film analysis projects. the more you write, the more you evolve so please please please dont stop just because you feel you arent experienced enough. confidence and style will come over time, just keep yourself in practice. 

- NOTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. notes on tumblr are a hot take - and while, yes, there is a need for more reblogs and more sharing of content, focusing on statistics will drive you to the brink. joseph gordon levitt released a ted talk last week on how seeking attention is detrimental to your creativity and LORD this is such a good talk because its true. one of the things he discusses is how powerful the feeling of receiving attention - in this case, notes on a fic - drives someone toward output, but is that genuine? now, of course theres always going to be different scenarios or opinions but if you are just starting out with writing please dont post a fic under the assumption or expectation of achieving a note goal. there are so many variables as to what gets notes and what does not - from algorithm to how many people are online to see it to timing to content like you cannot predict what will or will not correspond to x number of notes and x number of followers. 

instead of setting note or follower goals, set word count goals. when i first started writing for kpop i was actually a pretty concise writer. if you look at the early chapters of hero and wyrm tamer, they all would peak around 4 or 5k words. achieving 10-15K on something seemed absolutely ridiculous and impossible to me - hell, 15K was 10K words under my masters thesis count! why would i want to write that much? but now? im shook if i finish a chapter or fic and the word count is just 4K. those word count goals are exciting for me. 

nervous about word count goals? thats fine! set a goal to write a genre. always wanted to try high fantasy? dope! do it! want to write some sexy vampires? fuck yeah, everyone loves those! want to write a fic that helps you release some tension or trauma youve experienced? please do that, writing is therapy and has been scientifically proven to help. 

set goals for making characters, world building, soundtracks, to learn photoshop to make a moodboard. set goals for all kinds of things but pls dont set goals for statistics because these are so variable and very often outside of your control they will very often suck any joy out of your creativity before its had the chance to start.

i hope these help!