#i know im 19 so i dont need them to be supportive but i mean bc they abused me and isolated me sm (and still do to some extent ig)

[h3arts4harry]

- dissappeared -

- summary: y/n gets her first tattoo ever and shes lucky enough to have nicolas sturniolo as her tattooist, she comes in for a bunch more over the next week and they become best friends, what happens when y/n drops off the face of the earth 2 weeks later?

warnings: angst, tattoos, abusive dad, hospital, suicide, swearing, idk lmk if i missed anything

nick sturniolo x platonic! reader based in: LA, California

y/n 19 madi 19

chris 20 matt 20 nick 20

delilah "del" (22) cassidy "cass" (21) veronica "vee" (20)

-

=Y/N POV= -saturday-

im going out with my friends later for a well-needed girls night, we haven't gone out in so long due to us all being busy with work and our personal lives. i turn to my phone switching it on to see the time is 5:17pm and we are meeting at in n out at 7 to eat before we go to the club. i jump from my bed heading to the bathroom. i quickly undress, hopping into shower. once ive finished i step out and head to my closet to choose my outfit, picking through my hung up clothes i remember i bought a cute new outfit the other day when i went shopping with my sister, Nicola, i bend down picking up the shopping bag, turning placing it on my bed laying it out. i smile looking at it before putting it on. i step back facing the mirror, examining how it looks on me happily. i pick up my phone again to check the time and its 6:14 "oh shit" i mumble, swiftly sitting down at my desk grabbing my hair dryer out my drawer plugging it in. it takes around 25 minutes to fully dry my hair, messily section my hair and straighten it, leaving me 20ish minutes to do my makeup and leave.

-7:19pm-

since we're all drinking tonight we all had to walk or uber to the in n out, me living a 10 minutes away i walked there, leaving me to be a little late but when am i not so its fine. walking through the doors i see Delilah and Cassidy on one side of the booth and veronica on the other facing me, i run over to them "heyyyy" i smile sliding in next to vee, she side hugs me as del greets "hey baby", "took your time girl" cass laughs "you cant rush all this" i say as i push the hair from on of my shoulders. the waitress walks over and speaks as she looks up from her notepad "hi what can i get y'all?"

we all order and while we wait for our food to arrive we catch up on our lives. "so i have big news" vee starts, we all look to her "ur not preggo are you?" del jokes, vee shakes her head "no god no, not that i know of anyways" she laughs, "im moving to new York for fashion school" vee reveals, "OHMYGOD VEE THAT SO COOL" i squeal bringing her into a tight hug "im so proud of you vee" cass says as she and del reach over the table to join the hug "that's huge vee" del says in the hug". as we sit down vee carefully wipes her teary ears cautious to not ruin her makeup, "aw vee dont cry lovely" del rubs the back of her hand, "i just didn't expect you guys to be so happy about it, im moving so far" she sniffles, "of course we'd be happy for you vee" cass smiles "we're obviously gonna miss you so fucking much but we want you to be able to follow your dreams and if that means moving a mission away, we'll support you the whole way through it" i reassure her. "thank you guys, i love you so much" "we love you more girl".

-8:30pm-

we all finished our food and were walking to the new nightclub that had opened last month, we would've gone closer to opening but we couldn't get a date where we were all free. as we walk up the street we see a line leading out "oh my fuck look how long that line is" cass points in the direction we're walking, "youre joking" del shakes her head, "what the fuckkk" i drag out bringing my palm to each side of my head, vee just laughs "cmon guys im sure itll go down quick it opens at quarter to so we should be waiting like 5 minutes" she says.

vee was right, we waited for around 7 minutes before getting in. as we walked in we looked around in shock the place looked so cool, we all quickly made our way to the bar ordering our first drink of the night, i obviously ordered my favourite drink to ever exist, tequila sunrise, i worship the person who made these cause oh my god they are so good.

-12:49am-

i walk over to the bar to order another drink, no clue how many ive had already, we lost count a while ago. i reach the bar leaning my arms on the surface as the brunette women walks over to me, "hiya gorgeous, what can i get for ya?" she smiles i think for a minute, "urmmm i want to try something new, have you got anything sweet?" i ask looking at her big brown eyes "how about a margarita?" she tilts her head slightly to the side, "sounds great" i smile sliding my card towards her, "dont worry about it lovely, its on the house" she says turning around to start making the drink, "wow thank you so much" i smile looking down putting the card back in my purse.

-1:03am-

we left the club now, as we were all so drunk we were stumbling over each other as we walk, planning to go back to my apartment as its the closest. laughing loudly walking down the street cass notices something "guys guys omg" she speaks loudly over our laughs tapping our arms, "look we so should get matching tattoos" she points towards a lit building down the street, "FUCK YES LETS GO" i yell holding onto dels arms almost tripping us both over, "fuck it why not" del says, we all look to vee who is nodding "one thousand percent yes, cmon lets go" she says. we run down to the shop, i look in the window to see if theres anyone in there and theres a brunette boy sat at the front desk with his feet up scrolling on his phone, i open the door peeking my head through, "hey are you guys open?" i ask, he looks up in surprise "hi yes we are" he says with a smile, i walk in waving in del, vee and cass. "my names chris, how can i help?" he asks, "im y/n, that's vee, that's cass and that's del" i say pointing to each of us, i hope he doesn't notice how drunk we are and doesn't kick us out, "nice to meet you" he looks between me and the girls giggling behind me, "we want to get matching tattoos" i stated, "sounds great, i dont want to be rude but you guys seem quite drunk are you sure you want to do this?" he looks down to his computer before looking up again "tattoos are permanent" he adds, "we've been best friends since high school so im sure we'll be fine" del replied from behind me, he chuckles looking down grabbing paper on clipboards "here fill these in and once you bring them back we can get started" he said sitting back down, we thank him and go sit down on the couches by the window opposite him.

we fill out the forms and decide on getting four stars along the side of our wrists, we all walk back over to chris handing over our clipboards, "looks great, follow me and we can get started" he says walking out from the desk through the door next to it. "okay first clipboard is cassidy, cassidy this is madi, shes great, here you go mads" he passes Cass's clipboard to her, "good luck cass" me, vee, and del says as we continue to follow chris through a curtain separating the stations, "second clipboard is veronica, this is matt, hes quiet but one of our best, here" he passes vee's clipboard over and continues walking, "alright this is my station" he looks down at the clipboard "Delilah looks like youre with me" he looks back up, "make yourself comfy ill be right back" he places her clipboard on the table behind his chair, turning to me "okay y/n youre with nick, he is our best, trust me, i haven't got any yet but when i do im 100% going to him" he chuckles a little, i smile and nod following him, almost tripping over my feet.

"yo nick" he says turning to see the blonde boy asleep "oh my god wake up duffus" he says gently hitting the clipboard on his head "dude what" nick grumbles, opening his eyes a little then they immediately widen seeing me stood there "oh hey sorry" "its all good" i giggle slightly, "nick this is y/n shes getting matching tattoos with her friends, heres her clipboard" "thanks" nick nods taking the clipboard from chris's hands, he then walks through the curtain back to his station. "hey im nick" he smiles putting out his hand, i reach to take it forgetting to move my feet resulting in my stumbling over, hands pressed against the chair inbetween us "omg are you okay" he asks standing to help me up, "im okay just a bit drunk" i laugh covering my face in embarrassment. he chuckles sitting back in his chair after helping me carefully sit in my seat. "so it says here you want four stars along your wrist" he asks looking at the clipboard to his side, i nod "yea, one star for each of us" i confirm, "that's so cute, me and matt have matching tattoos on our arm" he says lifting his sleeve to reveal a cowgirl on his upper arm "i have this cowgirl, and he has a cowboy skeleton" he explains lowering his sleeve "i love that" i say looking back to his face from his arm, "have you gotten a tattoo done before?" nick asks sorting out everything he needs, "uh no, no i havent" i shake my head laughing a little looking down at my hands in my lap, "woah no shit? well its my pleasure to be your first" he jokes, i laugh looking back at him, "what about your friends, is it their firsts too" he questions, "no they all started getting them as soon as they could" i chuckle "del has 6 to 7, Cassidy has 4 and vee has 1" i add "how come you didn't get any?" he looks over to me "just never had the chance to i guess" i shrug.

-2:42am-

"i cant believe i like it so much thank you so much nick" i say, giving him a hug from my chair. "of course, it looks awesome im happy you like it" nick says hugging me back. after wrapping the tattoo, he goes through the aftercare instructions with me, but also puts a leaflet with all the information in my purse so i have something to go back on. we walk out to the main room where del, vee, cass, madi, chris and matt are talking between each other, "theres our baby" del says walking over to me wrapping her arms around me neck, "hi del" i wrap my arms around her back as we swing side to side a little squeezing one another. "del youre gonna squeeze her to death" vee laughs from the couch, everyone joining in laughing, del back up a little "sorry baby, how was it?" she asks lifting my hand, turning it to see the wrapped tattoo "it was okay, me and nick talked to whole way through it so i was distracted basically the whole time" "that's great, are you thinking of getting more?" Cassidy adds, del moves back to the couch pulling me to sit next to her, "yea i actually am" i proclaimed looking back to nick who was sat on the reception chair pulled around to us. we all talk for like half hour before they close up shop and we all head home, the girls coming back to mine.

-3 days later-Tuesday-3pm-

im currently walking back to the tattoo shop, i booked another tattoo with nick the next day of getting my stars. as i approach the shop i see a convenience store next door so i run in there and buy 2 bottles of water before returning, walking in chris sees me "hey y/n hows ur stars?" "theyre good chris thank you, i um booked a tattoo with nick" i smile standing the other side of his desk, "yup nick told me, ive got your details from last time so youre all good to go through" he nods up to me, "thanks chris" i say before walking through the curtain, madi wasn't in today maybe she doesn't work weekdays, walking through the next curtain i see matt scrolling on his phone, he nods to me and i nod back before walking through chris's station to nick's. "y/nn heyy" nick says getting up from his chair, greeting me with a hug, "hey nick" i say hugging him back. "nice to see you sober this time" he laughs "yea definitely" i laugh with him, "oh i brang you a water" i remember reaching into my bag grabbing both waters, handing him one "thankyou omg you didn't have too" he says placing the water on his table, "so just to confirm you wanted a lower back tattoo today?" he asks looking from the texts back to me "yup, do you still have the photo?" i ask, reaching into my shorts back pocket grabbing for my phone, "yea this right?" he says before turning his ipad to face me showing me the picture i sent, i nod with a smile "perfect" he says, as he pulls out the stencil, i lay on my stomach on his chair, pulling the top of my jeans down a little so nick had room to put the stencil where i wanted it. "hows this" he asks showing me the placement through a mirror "that's great thank you" i say turning back onto my stomach, "okay lets get started then" nick says with a clap.

-5:30pm-

"and we're done" nick announces sliding back in his chair, "that hurt way more than the stars" i laugh, "im sure it did, can i take some pictures for my profile?" nicks asks holding his phone in his hand, "of course" "okay, itll only be a couple seconds" he says before snapping away "thanks y/n", "always, i mean i wouldn't even have it if it wasn't for you so you can take as many photos as you want"

-2 days later-thursday-

"third tattoo in a week y/n? your crazy" chris laughs as i walk into the shop once again, "you know it chris, youre gonna get sick of me" i laugh, "i dont think i could" he admits, as i walk through the stations into nicks at the back, "hey girl, we doing the butterflies on the back today?" nick asks looking up from his ipad, "that's the one" i confirm putting my bag on the floor, "okay girl come lay down" nick directs picking up the stencil, i pull of my top leaving my top half in a bikini i put on so it doesn't get in the way for nick.

"it looks amazing nick thank you" i smile looking in the mirror, "of course y/n, you're my favourite client i could have you here everyday" nick says while wrapping the tattoo, "i would be here everyday but i would go broke" i chuckle.

=NO POV= like 2-3weeks timeskip-

every 2-4 days y/n came back for another tattoo, she now has a total of 10 tattoos which include her stars on her wrist, her butterflies on her back, her lower back tattoo, a flower by her boob, a butterfly in between her boobs, stars on her stomach, 444 on her arm, butterflies behind her ear, a hand tattoo, and a butterfly on her thigh.

y/n had booked in to come again to get 3 stars on her ankle in 3 days, nick had set everything up and was ready for y/n to walk in on time as normal so when she didn't he was a little worried but shrugged it off and shot her a text asking where she was. the time went by and nicks next customer had arrived, nick was concerned about y/n but carried on with his day as he would've. after the store closed nick packed up and met chris and matt in the lobby.

"wasn't y/n meant to come by at 4 today?" chris asked nick with locking the door to the stations, "yeah, i texted her but i haven't heard anything" nick replied, "hm weird" chris hummed.

-3 days later-1pm-

no one had heard from y/n. vee had gone to new york a week after they got their stars so she wasn't to aware of what was going on but Delilah and Cassidy was worried so they decided to stop by the shop to see if nick had seen her as they knew she was there almost everyday.

"hey Delilah, Cassidy, here for another tattoo?" chris asks from behind the desk, "um no we were wondering if y/n had been here in the past few days, we haven't heard from her and we know shes been coming here a lot" Cassidy says, "oh um no i haven't seen her, let me go get nick for you" chris gets up from his seat and walks through to the back station where nick is, "wassup chris" nick not looking away from his sketchpad, "Delilah and Cassidy are here looking for y/n" nick looks up at chris with furrowed eyebrows, "what" "yeah they're in the lobby, i said id get you" chris nods, nick gets up placing his sketchpad on his chair behind him before following chris to the lobby. "hey guys" nick says his eyebrows only slightly scrunched now, "hey, uh have you seen or heard from y/n?" Delilah asks worried, "um no i haven't, she was meant to come in what 3 days ago?" he looks back to chris who nods, "for a tattoo but she didn't show, i texted her too but no reply" nick shakes his head at the end of his sentence. Delilah and Cassidy just look at each other like they were talking to one another through their minds "do you think her dads back?" Cassidy says just above a whisper to which Delilah bites her lip shaking her head slightly while shrugging. "thanks nick, but um we're gonna go, if you hear from her youll let us know right?" cass turns towards nick whos leaning against the front desk, "yea of course, text me if she shows up i miss my boo" nicks says standing up straight. Delilah and Cassidy both wave as they leave the store. nick turns to chris whos scrolling through his phone "im gonna go back to my station Elizabeth should be here for a coverup in 10" chris looks up to his brother and nods before nick leaves.

-next day-4am-

'y/n'

nikk hel sent 4:07am

-NICK POV-10am-

"what the hell" i mutter under my breath as i pick up my phone from my nightstand. i haven't heard from y/n in like 5 days and shes finally texted me back but what shes said concerns me, nick hel im so confused, did she mean hello? hell? helmet? help? why would she need help? she probably just got drunk and misspelt hello.

'nickyy<33(tats)'

hey y/n! where have you been girl i missed you!! sent 10:17am

i shoot a quick text to the Delilah and Cassidy that y/n had texted me.

nick

heyy just wanted to lyk that i heard from y/n ^screenshot of nick and y/ns texts^ sent 10:23am

Delilah

omg thankyou for telling us dyk what she meant? sent 10:25am

nick

i thought maybe she was drunk and meant hello but idk, it was sent at like 4am i might just be weird but have a bad feeling about it sent 10:28am

Delilah

y/n wont drink by herself, shes always with me, cass, vee or some of her friends from work but they all said they haven't spoken to her in like a week plus vees in new york sent 10:32am

Cassidy

she spelt your name wrong and didn't finish the word 'hello' when shes drunk she can still type? sent 10:33am

Delilah

wait your right maybe she had to send it quickly and wasn't paying attention? but then what would she be saying sent 10:34am

nick

help? it would explain typing fast if she was in danger but what from? sent 10:36am

Delilah

cass did you find out if her dads back? sent 10:36am

Cassidy

i didn't think he is maybe he just got back? sent 10:37am

nick

whats up with her dad?? sent 10:37am

Delilah

hes an abusive prick who should be in jail but y/n wont say anything. sent 10:38am

Cassidy

Delilah rose. sent 10:38am

nick

i dont mean to overstep but wdym? sent 10:39am

Cassidy

y/n and her dad dont get along, hes never been good to her for her whole life but y/n will let everything go "bc hes still her dad" she says sent 10:39am

Delilah

he was better than he is now before her mum died sent 10:40am

Cassidy

he was still a jerk del sent 10:41am

Delilah

he was MORE than just a jerk but im just saying hes worse now sent 10:41am

nick

oh shit sent 10:42am

Cassidy

yea sent 10:42am

nick

so do u think her dad did smt? sent 10:42am

Cassidy

that's what we're worried about sent 10:43am

Delilah

he better not have or istg sent 10:43am

nick

cant we go to their apartment? sent 10:44am

Cassidy

we tried before we came to ur shop no one answered sent 10:44am

Delilah

she basically always answers the door sent 10:45am

nick

if her dads back in town would he go to y/ns apartment? or does he have a house somewhere sent 10:46am

cassidy

he would usually go to y/ns apartment, saying like he goes more than once every 100 years. he sold their childhood house after her mum died y/n said he said it was cause the pain was too much but it was obviously for money cause he bought some small shitty house in the middle of fucking nowhere and spent the rest on fuck knows what sent 10:48am

-timeskip-NO POV-

just over 2 months go by since y/n disappeared, they've gone to her apartment atleast once or twice a week to see if she shows up but still nothing. they went to the police but they aren't taking it seriously because shes 19 and 'most likely ran away', which they all find ridiculous. matt, chris, nick, madi, Delilah, and Cassidy all sit at the lake where del, cass, vee, and y/n would go whenever they felt they needed an escape hoping shell show up but mainly to try distract themselves from their missing friend. nick, del, and cass have been really down not knowing where she is or what happened, they called vee and asked her if y/n had shown up to her school or new apartment but nope, vee said she last saw her the day she left, shes said multiple times over the phone that shell drop everything to come back to cali for the girls but they said for her to stay, just incase y/n was trying to get here. vee and y/n had been friends for as long as they could both remember, their mums became friends when y/n was 3 and vee was 4 and they instantly clicked, so inseparable you'd never see one without they other, they were basically sisters.

the whole group was at the lake having a small picnic. they talked, ate, and swam from 4pm to 12:30am. matt and chris dropped madi home then went back to their house, while nick, del, and cass went back to delilahs, they tried texting y/ns number but to no surprise there was no answer.

-NICK POV-next day-5am-

y/n calling

"oh my god y/n??" i yell into the phone bringing it to my ear. "nick? nick please, its my dad, hes drunk again, i- i need help AHH" i jump dropping my phone, her scream gets cut off by the phone hanging up, i quickly call her back but im met with no answer. i call her again and again but to no avail she doesnt pick up.

i turn over in the bed to del and cass still asleep, i reach over shaking del as she was next to me "nick? whats going on its 5am?" she groans half asleep, "y/n just fucking called me an-" "omg what what happened" she cuts me off "she said her dads drunk and then started saying she needs help before screaming like shes in a fucking horror movie, then it hung up, i tried calling her back like a million times but she didnt answer" i quickly explain pulling on my shoes as del wakes cass. "whats going on" cass grumbles, "y/n just called nick we need to go now cmon get up" after hearing del, cass shoots up quickly slipping on her shoes. we all rush out of delilahs house, del slipping on her crocs by the door. we jump into cassidys car and speed just over the limit to y/ns.

as soon as we get there we all jump out and get to the front door, "dont buzz the door lets go round the back" cass says leading us round. we all rush up in press the 6 button in the elevator for the 6th floor. once the the door opens enough we push out and run over to y/ns door. i knock on it but it doesnt open, no sound or movement can be heard inside. "do you think they left?" i ask the girls next to me. "im not sure" del says trying to look through the peep hole, "its like no ones been here but where else would she be?" she adds, nick shrugs and so does Cassidy. "wait y/ns spare key" del remembers bending down to the plant pot next to the door moving around the soil inside looking for the key before finding it and picking it up, unlocking the door. "wont y/n be mad we're like intruding her home?" nick asks "nah its fine shell understand" cassidy places her hand on his shoulder as the two follow Delilah. "look around try see if y/ns here" cass directs before walking into the bathroom, "it doesn't looks like anybodys been here in months" del mumbles entering y/ns bedroom, nick going to the open plan kitchen-living room area. they all look around but find nothing.

-NO POV-

"Delilah!" cass shouts from the guest bedroom, del and nick rush to the room to see cass stood next to the bed, "what?!" cass steps aside revealing a big dark blue suitcase opened on the messy bed filled with males things, she lifts the tag connected to the handing reading it "george y/l/n, its her dads" she looks to the del with worry over her face "shit, did u see anything in the living room or kitchen?" delilah asks looking to nick, "i dont think so, but im not quite sure what could be different, ive only been here a couple times" nick purses his lips after his sentence. delilah walks behind nick to the room, looking around before noticing the corner of the kitchen island has chipped, she glides her finger over it looking around the area to see if anything else is different to then see a barely noticeable small dark red spot on the floor as if it dripped from the missing corner and was attempted to been cleaned, "guys look!" del shouts, nick and cass run in and see what del found. "what is that?" cass questions bending down sitting on her ankles looking at the spot without touching it, "i could be way off but it looks like blood" nick says mirroring cassidys sitting position. "i really hope its not" delilah mumbles "we should go to the hospital see if shes there, even if shes not itll be worth checking" she adds walking to the front door, "wait del you have something on your shoe" nick points out, del looks down picking off the paper, unfolding it and turning it to see it had been written on. it takes her a minute trying to read the messy writing "the handwriting is horrible, y/ns is usually like perfect" she mutters, "what does it say?" cass asks wrapping her hand on dels arm, nick the other side of del. "urm 'idk if any1 is gonna find this but dads back + his drinking is the worst ive ever seen and idk how long ill last wit him like this. im rlly scared an'" del squints a little trying to make out the words "it just ends there? in the mid of the sentence" del scrunches her eyebrows flipping around the note to see if she missed anything, "what the fuck" nick mumbles, "cmon lets check the hospital, bring that with u del".

-12:27pm-

they get to the hospital and head straight to the front desk, cassidy asks if anyone called 'y/n y/l/n' had been admitted and the receptionist confirms that only a y/n coleman had come in today, which caused delilah to furrow her eyebrows in confusion as her last name is coleman. she thought 'surely its just a coincidence' she looks to cass who has the same reaction on her face, they ask what room y/n coleman is in and the women says room 293. they all head up to the fourth floor, and walk down the hall until they see a blue sign hanging out above a room reading 'room 293'. cassidy peaks into the room to see y/n laying in the bed asleep with a white bandage wrapped around her head. "wait omg, shes in here?" cass says in a confused tone, walking into the room, delilah behind her "why has she come in with my last name" del asks, moving to y/ns side holding her hand. "im not sure" cass tilts her head looking around the bare hospital room, the only things in there being the bed, a chair and a set of drawers, all belonging to the hospital, as she opens the drawers to see theyre empty she looks to del, "do you think her dad knows shes here?" del shrugs. nick then walks into the room, "where the fuck did you go?" del questions, "i was talking to a doctor about what happened to her" he responds walking to the side of y/n opposite Delilah, "So?" cass walks over. "apparently some man, i assume her dad, came in with her passed out in his arms..

"i need some help over here" George shouts walking into the large building, 2 nurses rush over with a gurney, George lays y/n down on it and the nurses push it through the hallway, "sir what happened?" one asks, "she uh she- she was in the kitchen making herself food when she dropped her phone and banged her head on the counter reaching to pick it up" he quickly speaks in a serious tone, "how long has she been out for?" the same nurse questions, "id say for around 45 minutes. i brang her here straight after i found her and she lives 10 minutes away, 25 with traffic" the nurse nods to his answer as they push y/n into a room, leaving George outside.

after half an hour to an hour passes, a doctor exits y/ns room to inform George of what had occurred in the room to find no one outside waiting, the doctor waits outside for 5-10 minutes before looking around the hallways by the room. confused he goes to the front desk and asks if the man had left, the receptionist looks up from her desk and nods her head yes, "i saw him leave i think 45 minutes ago but dont quote me on it" she smiles, looking back down to her computer, the doctor thanks her before returning to y/ns room, he checks her making sure the bandage is on correctly and that shes stable before leaving.

..the doctor said that she hit her head pretty hard to cause it to bleed out but no long term damage though she does have black eye, a few broken blood vessels and a concussion." nick finishes. "woah" del sighs, "should she be asleep with a concussion?" cass asks biting the side of her bottom lip, nick shrugs "doctor said she hasn't woken up yet."

-15:38pm-2 hours later-Y/N POV-

i wake up to my head pounding, squinting my eyes open to bright lights shining above me i lift my hand up to my forehead where the migraine is rubbing over the area. "omg y/n youre awake" i hear from my right side, i slightly jump turning to see nick getting up from the chair. "nick?" i whisper, scrunching my face "yea its me, are you okay?" he says pouring some water into a plastic cup "i guess so, my heads pounding" i groan, taking the cup from nick chugging it down, "nick who are you- omg! y/n youre awake!" Delilah squeals running over wrapping her arms around me "hi del" i smile hugging her back, "del quieten down, she has a headache" nick says just above a whisper, trying not to worsen y/ns pain. "oh sorry baby, i just missed you so fucking much. where the fuck have you been?" del asks, sitting on the side of the bed, her legs hanging of the edge, "i-um its a long story" i shake my head, leaning my head back on the upright pillow, then cass walks in before she can say anything del quickly and bluntly says "sh dont be loud" cass nods opting to not say anything before rushing over giving me a hug, "hi cass" i giggle, reciprocating her embrace. "y/n was just about to tell us what the hell happened the past two months" del reveals, my eyes widen and jaw drops "its been two months??" i almost yell but my dehydrated throat wont let me. they all look at me confused, "yea y/n its the 27th of august" i look down to my lap with furrowed eyebrows. how the hell has two whole fucking months gone by "y/n?" i look up to cass speaking to me "are you okay n/n?" i slowly nod, not even believing myself. "what the hell happened to you baby" delilah whispers as her head tilts to the side in sympathy. "im not even sure anymore" i bring my hands to my face covering my eyes for a moment attempting to focus my racing thoughts. "its okay baby, take your time" del reaches and rubs my shoulder, making me flinch under her touch, "y/n?" "m'sorry i didn't mean to" i mumble avoiding all their eyes looking down on me, "its okay y/n, just take it slow and tell us what happened" nick says crouching slightly to my level.

after a minute, i take another sip of my water and sit up a little more "ill start from when my dad arrived, the closer to now its all sort of a blur" i take in a breath before continuing "i remember getting ready for my tattoo appointment with nick when the door knocked, i thought it was you two so i opened it without looking but to my surprise it was my dad holding a big suitcase, he walked in ignoring me, heading straight for the spare bedroom, i obviously followed him and asked him what he was doing, he told me he needed somewhere to stay and that because im his daughter i had to help him so i did-" i interrupt myself with a coughing fit, bring my left hand to cover my mouth. "here y/n drink your water" nick tries to help passing me a refilled cup of water, i take it and bring it to my mouth drinking almost all of it, my coughs stop and i clear my throat "sorry, um what was i saying?" "you let your dad in" "right yea um, so i let him and i said about his drinking and he slapped me and said not to question him and to remember my place, i guess i had to deal with that for a few days before he started to get worse" i sniffle and wipe the tear that started to brim my waterline, "he uh he broke my phone and started to get more violent" "oh baby' cas whispers leaning me into her chest, wrapping her arms around me. "its all kind of a blur from there, im sorry" i sniffle again, a few tears fall down my face, "no y/n dont you dare apologise okay" del snaps "none of this is on you, its on that horrible man" "del calm down" Cassidy says as i look down to my hands fiddling with each other. "no cass, no i wont calm down because no one should be treated like this its disgusting. it makes me literally want to-" "Delilah rose stop it right now!" cassidy speaks firmly instantly shutting Delilah up, "thank you" she says politely, "im sorry y/n i didn't want to shout" she mumbles next to my ear. del walks over to me gently bringing her hand to the large purple bruise spread over my cheek and jaw, rubbing her thumb over it "im sorry baby, i just hate to see you hurt" i lean into her hand and close my eyes, finding comfort in dels hand and the slight pain from the bruise. i open my eyes a second later to see Delilah looking at me with a small smirk, "what?" i lift my head from her hand, "nothing" she mumbles backing away.

after 20 minutes of just talking, comforting each other, the doctor walks in. "hello y/n, how are you feeling?" she kindly smiles, holding a clipboard to her chest, "i have a bad headache but im okay" i smile back, she asks if i want tablets to help to which i nod, she steps outside for a moment before coming back in handing me some with a bottle of water "thank you" i say taking 2 of the pills. "if you feel well enough, the hospital says youre allowed to go home" i smile nodding a little "yea, yea i do" "of course, just remember you have a concussion meaning headaches and trouble with concentration, memory, balance, mood and sleep, and they usually last between 14 and 21 days. and then with the broken blood vessels if you place a cool compress on them and they should soon clear up. i have this paper bag that has information about everything if you need it and some pills for any migraines or pains you may experience" she informs handing me to light blue bag "thank you".

-20:12pm-10 mins later-

"right so where are we going?" Cassidy asks as we all pile into her car, Delilah helping me into the seat behind Cassidy. "we can go back to mine? i think matt chris and madi are there" nick says pulling on his seatbelt, "sounds good" Cassidy nods starting the car.

-20:33pm-20 minutes later-

we pull up to nicks house and we all click of our seatbelts, Cassidy opens my door and helps me out while del runs over to help. we walk through the front door following cass whos following nicks up the stairs into their living room, who matt and madi were sat. "holy shit y/n?" madi says jumping up rushing over bringing me into a hug, "what?! no way is y/n here?!!" chris shouts from the bathroom, you can hear him rushing out to see if im actually here. "no fucking way" matt stands up pulling me into a side up after madi let go. chris then runs out the bathroom wrapping his hands around my shoulders "i cant believe youre actually here" he says grinning, "me neither" i mumble, he takes a step back placing his palms on the corners of my shoulders, "are you okay? where have you been??" he goes on to ramble before nick stops him, "chris she just walked through the door, please give her a minute" he says as we all walk to the sofa, sitting down. "im okay" i sigh a little.

everyone talks in their conversations, while ive been sitting in silence spacing out then Delilah wraps her arm around me, "are you okay y/n?" "mhm" i nod absently, "baby look at me" i slowly turn to look at her seeing a concerned look over her face, "whats going on?" "m'just tired del" i hum. "okay c'mere" she says bringing me into her chest, i lay there and close my eyes, easily falling asleep.

-NO POV-

"is she okay?" matt asks from the end of the sofa, "yea shes just tired" Delilah nods, stroking her fingers through y/ns hair. "i dont wanna overstep but is there something going on between you and y/n?" chris leans forward looking at the two sat together, blocking their view of madi and cassidy sharing the corner, "no not at all, shes my best friend", cassidy laughs a little shaking her head a little "del calls y/n baby because y/ns the youngest and smallest out of all of us, so shes like our baby" "ohhh" chris leans against the back of the sofa. nick turns to cass and whispers in her ear "theres gotta be something going on between them to or am i reading this all wrong?" to which she quietly giggles and whispers in his ear "oh a hundred percent, i just dont think they know it yet" she nods in the direction of me and delilah laying together.

after another couple hours of talking everyone eventually goes to bed, madi and nick going to nicks room, matt and chris going to matts room, and Cassidy going to chris room. Delilah decided to stay on the couch with y/n, not wanting to disturb her sleep.

-7pm-Y/N POV-

we all hung out today at the triplets house, we watched movies, ate snacks, talked and what not. "i thinks its time i go home, its getting late and i wanna get in my bed" i laugh a little nearing the end of my sentence, "what if your dads there n/n" cass asks, "im not sure if he will be, if hes the one who brang me to the hospital he would've for sure disappeared after" i shrug, "let me take you, then i can be there for you if he is" matt suggest standing up, "thank you matt" i say getting up but then falling back onto the sofa, i chuckle before speaking again "got a bit dizzy there" i try stand up again but delilah stands with me, "ill come with, see you later everyone" "byee" we all exchange byes before walking down to the garage.

-7:56pm-

"okay we're here, ill walk up with you two incase your dads there then once everything is all good ill leave you two be" matt speaks, getting out the car following me and delilah, "Sounds good" i say and delilah nods. once we get up to my apartment you can see the door is slightly ajar, "del the doors open" i whisper pointing to the door, she turns to matt behind us who has furrowed brows and is walking to get ahead of us. he reaches the door as pushes it open to see an empty apartment, "is he in there?" del asks, matt shakes his head, "doesn't look like it" he stated walking in, looking around, "y/n theres a note on the counter" he yells from the kitchen, me and del walk in hand in hand into the room. i look at the counter picking up the note, i open it and read;

'y/n if youre reading this that means you got home okay i want you to know that im sorry im not the father you deserve which is why you wont have to deal with me anymore i should've quit drinking for you but i just couldn't its not your fault, none of this im sorry it had to be this way mum would be proud of you dad x'

i wipe a couple tears falling down my cheek as i speak up "i dont think hes coming back again" delilah picks up the note giving it a scan over before dropping it down and wrapping me in a hug. ive gotten a lot of hugs recently. "im sorry y/n" matt says from behind me, i turn my head to him "thanks matt" i sniffle, "im gonna head out, is that okay?" he asks, "of course matt, del ill be back im just gonna have a shower quick" i say walking to my room, matt following behind me as my bathroom is on the way to the front door. i push open the bathroom door to my dad on the floor in a pool of blood. i let a loud scream falling back into matt, who looks confused before he sees what i have. del rushes over to see me on the floor hiding my face in matts chest, "whats?! matt what is it??" del says sitting on her ankles next to us, matt hasn't said anything still in shock but trying to comfort me, delilah turns her head to see the horror i stumbled upon. she doesn't say anything but lifts me up from matt bringing me into the living room, sitting me on the couch by the arm, "stay here y/n itll be okay" she whispers before walking into the hallway. the words in his note repeat in my head 'you wont have to deal with me anymore' 'its not your fault' 'im sorry it had to be this way' again and again in my head, i start to lose my breath, feeling like i cant breath, my vision starts to blur itself, i cant focus on anything but the note and the scene in my bathroom, "y/n? y/n you need to breath" del tries to help, "matt!" she yells. "y/n listen to me you need to focus on breathing can you do that for me?" matt says in a steady voice, "look here copy my breathing" he lifts my hand from my lap, uncurling it from its fist placing my palm on his chest, "you feel that, there you go keep going youre doing so well y/n" he reassures me, after a few seconds my breathing regulates and my vision focuses on matt infront of me, holding my hand against his chest, he lowers my hand into my lap "its okay y/n, youre okay" del says from next to me holding onto my other hand. i struggle for what to say for a minute before whispering "he- he left me" dropping my head, closing my eyes "hes not ever coming back" i shake my head a few tears falling onto my lap. del moves her hand up and down my back "itll be okay y/n i promise".

-

this is rlly old, like i think its the second fanfic ive ever written idk

this bitch has been sat in the drafts for time lmfaoo but i havent posted a fix in a while sooo🤷‍♀️

THANK YOU FOR READING

LOVE U HOES

taglist:

@m0r94n @sturnzsblog @junnniiieee07 @raysmayhem-72 @chrisgetsmewetterxo @sturniolo-slvt @mattspolitank @cerismo @chrispotatos @pvssychicken @ncm9696

[visceral-viscera]

not to poke my head in where it doesn't belong but. i have very little context for the current RW drama- but yall really need to stop acting like everyone who likes the same thing as you is your best friend. and that ALL different opinions are something to be actively shunned and shamed. ive seen like 3 posts that all boil down to "fandom bad it ruins the game for me im gonna leave" and people getting the weirdest anon hate, and its so confusing to me. Block the people who are weird (in your opinion,) and try not to make everyone in the fandom your bestie.

Note: never join a fandom discord expecting to make a bunch of live long friends. they almost always end up this way. if you are in a room with people who literally just have the same POPULAR game in common, there's gonna be people you dislike. and people who do bad shit.

And for the love of god- this is more general- take words like "zoo," "proship," "groomer" ect out of your mouth and just say what exactly they actually did/support. trying to figure out what the hell yall are talking about whenever this stuff comes up is impossible, because some people think its "proship" to write a fic where the adult characters are mean to each other, people think ALL anthro nsfw is zoophilia (including??? literally just adults doing it in suits?? you can think its weird but if it isnt hurting any real animals please just block and move on.), and that a 19 year old dating a 17 year old is grooming. (NOT examples i saw in the tag but ones ive heard in other places).

don't take this shit so seriously. the internet is full of creeps. yes even your favorite game that used to be niche back in the day. dont write "call out" posts. dont REBLOG callout posts. its so fucking easy to just change your identity online, all it does is spread fear and confusion and infighting. if someone you like is interacting with someone you know is a POS, just send them an ask or PM. and respect if they choose to continue interacting! maybe block them if they do! if you HAVE to let the wider fandom know- please just put factual info. do not buff it out with random shit or god forbid fabricated shit. put the info out there, clearly, without inflammatory/reactionary language, and trust that people who care will block as needed.

free yourself from the chains of "the fandom is mean/bad." start ignoring people. stop giving a shit what other people think. do not send anon hate. be free. god bless.

[fictionfixations]

book 7 part 4

MAJOR SPOILERS

thats the wrong lilia D:<

(from beanfest)

--

dying inside because oh my god how is this gonna be added to the wiki

what?? the rest are empty.. (they loaded in eventually but wtf)

WHAT.

HOW IM SO WEAK IM SOFHJDUFJ FUCk. FUCKING FUCK???? how am i supposed to do this when each battle leaves me with very little Hp. so then i have to heal. but then im not at full hp so then im fucked with the next battle?? HELLO??

CRYING

I WISH it wasnt stuck to just 3 extra characters besides silver and sebek

I didnt even HAVE a single sebek card until tsumderland 2 because you needed sebek as your study partner so i got his school uniform 😭

if i could choose any character then it wouldnt matter because i could go back to using the cards id already strengthened up for tartarus but like. i CANT. so im feusidfh SOBBING i think i understand how it works now but oh my god this. is. so painful i thought tartarus was bad but i had no idea

im WEAK im SORRY (lilia's fight before this where you have to beat him to continue is so HARD i couldnt. i succumbed to using a retry ticket. I WAS USING THE STRONGEST TEAM I HAD and my strongest support buddy guy person i dont remember waht its called but i was still fucked oh my god)

im sorry lilia

oh thank fuck

...yeah.... BECAUSE HP SAVES. and im so weAK

OH MY GOD IT SAVES. (spoiler alert: I DIED. so thats why it says in progress. i healed them up and it fucked me over anyway because it doesnt heal all the way)

(you can go back so i just. used my remaining cards which are weaker. but were strong enough to oneshot it after i took down a huge majority of their health..)

so then is it better to use the weaker cards. let them die but take the enemy down slowly. and then you can get your strongest cards to kill them in one shot after that?? but then you'll eventually run out. but also it doesnt seem like the maps are too big. ..yet. but still...

(i wanna do them all and get the 10 gems so i can pull for general lilia. i just need 19 more pulls sob.)

I GOT CONFUSED AND THEN I REALIZED THEY DIDNT WANT LILIA TO COOK IM DEADD

oh my god silver

oh its canon

is this why lilias cooking is so bad? because they just had to make do with whatever they had (and learned on the go. and figured that shitty food was normal for them, and the really good food was normal for the rich people??)

*flashbacks to sebek's stomach growling during lilia's farewell party*

nOO SEBEK POOR BABY

(i. really dont like his grandfather. OKAY??? he disapproves of candy, he disapproves of SEBEK JUST BEING IN THE KITCHEN? LIKE HELLO??? WHAT?? this is from i think his birthday bloom(?) vignette, the candy thing i mean, i THINK. one of the birthday ones with trey as his interviewer.. and its mentioned in his apparentice chef vignette that baur doesnt like sebek in the kitchen. he gets this look on his face. )

i KNOW that baur doesnt know sebek is related to him. but. i just. dont like him. at all. AND IM BIASED BECAUSE I LIKE SEBEK and i dont want him hurt :(((

and okay. i get. it. that. baur doesnt like humans. and its reasonable because humans were assholes and like drained the resources dry (bro we do the same irl..) so then the direbeasts without their habitat anymore ran into the villages and caused havoc.

so theres a valid reason for them (although i feel like theres a HUGE misunderstanding. because fae see the ironclads as ruffians. but the silver owls see the fae as ruffians. or robbers or something wtf??)

and i get it. youd hate the enemy too if you saw what damage they caused. like how lilia isnt the biggest fan of humans either during his time as a general.

and i get that he's probably haunted by memories and its not that easy to get over it. but sometimes i feel like it needs to be known when its no longer healthy for someone to be around another. like, they can both equally love each other. can both care for each so much that they only want the best. but sometimes being around someone can only prove to be more unproductive and unhelpful.

and i know baur did a lot for sebek. but its also like. sebek shouldnt have to be so against humans, so against part of himself just because baur is, y'know? and i feel like if baur really wants to be there for his grandson, that he should at least try to accept it or something so as to not hurt sebek more. that like 'yeah, he's human (not that theres anything wrong with that ofc), but he's also family'.

:(((((

i dont think im explaining it that well. im just very sad.

OH MY GOD GRIM YOU DIDNT 💀

comannder (typo)

haha...

oh my god i dont understand anything i dont know geography

😭 they're just explaining where everything is and im just like 'wait what???? wait where????' im so lost… also is it briar valley or briarland??? what/ I dont get it at all

OH. wait is that why malleus seems tame in comparison…. ah….

wait a second

MAJOR JP SPOILERS (this is from one lilia render i saw. scroll past this if you dont want to see)

we know malleus watches over dreams. how will he appear? we know he can take the form of himself. and id imagine he'd keep doing that but.... or will he change forms? or. like. baby malleus. would he be baby malleus? and then we have to be like 'LILIA ITS A DREAM MALLEUS OVERBLOTTED' and lilias just holding bby malleus protectively like no??? (ive seen an image of his like character render holding a baby dragon... and i assume that might be malleus... thats JP spoilers btw)

oh... wait. but we know malleus' parents are both dead right? (and only his grandma's alive)

SPOILER ENDS HERE

OOOH. briar land was when fae territory was bigger (but then humans are encroaching n stuff) briar valley is much more smaller.

maybe the drowsy spells are because his body is trying to get silver to sleep so he can dream travel? but whats the point of doing that?? nothing really.. happens. i mean he can sort of interfere but???

WHAT?? i. two teams? HUH?? oh my god… im going to play this as safe as possible and get as many buffs as i can before going into fights. and then im going to try to go as close as i can to the end goal. because nothings stopping me from going back later. ..but i also want to continue the story… but i also wanna see it all……… i mean if i die (as in all my cards die) i can just. restart. i guess.?? but still…. im so happy. i actually have healers on my team now 😭 and buffs make fights easier

ooh the tiles are actually related to where you are in the story

like theres this river. i did this battle to scare some ironclads away from the river. and then theres this blank tile near it which is also about the river. oooh. i see. ayway im out of mystium

i suddenly feel a lot more assured in my ability to fight them with buffs and other characters

[multiplicity-positivity]

advice ask-

TL;DR: how does one deal with a persecutor who is also quite young?

i dont mean deal with as in lock away, or anything of the sort, i genuinely really want to help them. one of our headmates, an ex-persecutor until very very recently, has been falling back to a lot of really bad old habits due to some things that happened

they're also getting? younger?? for some reason?? they were 19 when this started, they're 15 last i saw, which has never been near their age range

i just feel so bad cause i can see and feel how damn much they're hurting, they fronted for less than an hour earlier and the body had a headache for several hours afterwards because of how much stress and negativity they're holding on to

i know a lot of people say the first step is communicating, helping them figure out what's wrong and how to deal with it, but they won't listen or talk about it. several of us have tried talking with them and trying to help, but every time they either leave or completely disengage, and despite repeated efforts they refuse to talk to our therapist

they're trying so hard, and i dont think they even want to be hurting us based on some of the things i've picked up, but they just can't help it

what is there, if anything, that we could do to help them? for our own safety, and primarily theirs, i just want to make some progress towards helping them resolve everything

🪐🏢 (emojis so i can be on anon but process the ask as mine if i see it)

Hi! We’re going to link to you a couple asks we’ve answered in the past with advice for dealing with persecutors. Please note that the second post has a trigger warning for mentions of suicide and sexual assault!

Hopefully the advice listed in those posts can help you!

And some advice specific to y’all’s situation might be just kindness, kindness, kindness. Have patience with them when they lash out. Remind them that you’ll always be there, willing to provide a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. Don’t judge them too harshly when they make a mistake. Don’t force them to engage with anyone inside or outside your system that they don’t want to. It may take y’all a while to adjust to these behaviors, but it will be well worth it in the long run for making this persecutor feel more secure and loved by all of you!

Perhaps buy a notebook or set up a note/Google doc/Word document for this headmate which can be a space just for them, no one else. Allowing them to have their own private space to vent, get their thoughts out, and express themself might help them feel better about themself and their circumstances overall. Our persecutors each have their own journal and their own sideblog here on Tumblr which they can use however they wish. After we reached a point where more of our alters could trust our therapist, one of our persecutors has actually brought their journal to therapy and talked to our therapist about what’s been bothering them.

If you do provide a journal or set up a sideblog for your persecutor, please respect their boundaries and try to avoid looking at it! We know this can be difficult when the whole system shares a body, device, etc. But making an effort to respect this persecutor’s privacy can go a long ways in helping them feel safe and secure.

Ultimately, it will be up to them to decide for themself to make positive decisions and strive for positive change. But offering to be there for them, to support and uplift them while respecting them and giving them space when they need it, all of this could help them reach a point where they’re able to change for the better!

We’re wishing your whole system the very best of luck with this, and we will keep your dear persecutor in our thoughts! We really do hope that y’all can find peace, understanding, and comfort in your future, and that soon this persecutor can feel heard, respected, and taken care of. Thank you so very much for doing your best to take care of your headmate - your efforts aren’t going unnoticed!! Again, good luck with everything, and thanks for reaching out!

🌷 Corrie and 💚 Ralsei

[terraliensvent]

I’m not defending the anon you’re all dogpiling, but it is an extremely chronically online take to say that 19 and 16 is a “weird” age gap for serious conversations. The trauma dumping should not have happened, and it is the older person’s responsibility to cope with their issues themselves… But sometimes we blurt things out when we’re not in a healthy state of mind. I’m sure a lot of us can say that we’ve unintentionally trauma dumped on someone before when they come to us and ask “hey are you doing okay? do you wanna talk about it?” and we just let the floodgates open.

Maybe I’m just being too sympathetic as someone who’s been in a dark place and has spewed my trauma on friends who try to comfort me. But I guess the difference is that gin needs to acknowledge that they can’t just continuously vent their life issues on some stranger on the internet. Having a support group is good, but you never know when someone you think is your friend will screenshot all your DMs with them and then post them online, right? lol

In all seriousness, I genuinely hope that gin wakes up one day and realizes that they NEED to just take a step back from social media and work out their problems offline. This is not healthy and they seem to just be prone to drama. I think both sides of this argument have their good and bad takes. The 16 y.o probably shouldn’t have publicized this in a whole document, and gin obviously should not have dumped their life problems onto them.

post related

thats why i said IN MY OPINION, it is weird. it is their responsibility to check who theyre talking to, and if it were hypothetically a more egregious gap, like for example 23 and 16, it would still be weird to me for them to use the younger person as a crutch. im not even saying you cant do small vents to your minor friends, this post put it pretty well and its one thing to say "yeah im just having a tough time right now," vs "hey are you ok?" "yeah i just stopped taking my meds and im coping with alcoholism," its also an issue to me that veal seemingly had to manage civ to the point of making sure they go to class and do their morning routine, and when veal was offline for an hour civ spammed them.

having a bad mental state can be an explanation for clouded judgement, but i think its still the responsibility of the older person to make sure theyre staying in line (and if they dont, to properly acknowledge the behavior was wrong, NOT defend it and act like it wasnt a big deal)

theres also the discrepancy that, to my knowledge, civ and veal barely knew each other. the doc says they only met around the terra revolution in April, which means they'd only have been online friends for around 5 months at that point. being online friends with someone is a LOT different than being irls, and it is a lot to dump on someone out of the blue, especially someone who's only in high school.

i do agree though, civ severely needs to get offline, seek professional help, and build a support system irl. the way these issues just pop up continually shows a trend that maybe being so online isnt good for them

[autisticlee]

i've noticed that there's always a lot of discourse about trying on labels like for sexuality and gender for example. people saying if you dont know, don't claim am identity. people complaining about people using labels lying and being fakes. complaining when someone changes their lable/identity.

you even see it in conservatives who whine and cry about gender and sexuality saying stuff like "you can't know that yet/you're too young/what if it changes/you can't just decide now and change later" and seeing queer people say the same things can be super discouraging and alienating.

because the thing is, humans do change. It's a natural phenomenon we can't do anything about. it's perfectly ok to feel one way now and then realize you feel differently later on. it can be because life experiences changed who you, or you realize/discover something, or etc.

also, how will someone know who/what they are without trying things out to see what fits? to see what feels right? not everyone just KNOWS who they are or what they want or how they feel automatically. telling people they can't experiment to see what works does nothing but alienate them and make them feel even more lost and alone.

i know it's a bit more of a touchy and difficult subject and im debating adding it in, but I see a similar discourse for example in the autistic community where people try to gatekeep the identity for only "officially diagnosed" people. (I was trying to think of something else that's not only gender/sexuality because my whole point should apply to more than just queer identities but this is all I could think of atm) i've seen it in other communities as well (mental or physical illnesses and disabilities and stuff for example) you have to relate to an identity basically, in order to bring it to a doctor. usually a doctor won't just say "oh you have this!" on their own; you have to tell the doctor "I think I have this" and sometimes it takes you years of research to figure out things yourself (because we all know doctors can be useless at times) by that point, if someone is putting that much time into a thing, there less chance of them faking it. if they think they have a disorder like DID but don't, then they still need help. but there shouldn't be so much aggression towards people who get evaluated or reevaluated and realize they were wrong. it's actually ok to be wrong and correct yourself later, contrary to popular belief. 1 or 19 or even 100 people being wrong doesn't mean we should let that reflect on *everyone* and let people with ill intent call everyone a "faker"

even if it turns out you were wrong, there's no real harm in trying on things until you reach a final conclusion. it's other people's opnions and reactions to it that are the harmful part.

[imagine if you had to guess what clothes and shoes would fit you, look good on you, and feel good without trying them on, you have to decide on one only, and then you have to keep wearing only those clothes and shoes after that and can never change out of them. that's so silly, right?]

sometimes you have to make guesses about your identity first and get confirmation later. sometimes you guess that you are a cishet man and date a cishet woman and realize a few years into the relationship that you are actually a trans lesbian. It's perfectly fine and normal to change after some time! we all need to not gatekeep and instead support each other. accept each other either way.

if someone feels they are trans for years and transitions and then realizes they are actually nonbinary and maybe slides into a more androgynous state or even stops transition or detransitions, don't call them fake! if someone is aroace and then starts dating, realizing they felt that way due to trauma in the past but were able to heal from it, don't call then a fraud! if a lesbian falls in love with a man and realizes she's actually bi, don't say she lied or tricked you!

yes, I know that there's often stigmas and stereotypes about changing. the whole "it's just a phase" thing for example. or accusing people of "following a trend." and the whole fact that the phobes always try to force their harmful belief that these identities are a "choice" and "choosing" them is wrong. change can mimic "a choice," but change does not always equal choice! someone changing does NOT always mean they are choosing something different. many times in life change isn't a choice!!! the fact that reflects poorly on the lables/communities by those who already have a bias against them is what needs change.

but that's the thing. that's precisely what i'm saying. we need to break down those stigmas around change. so what if it's a "phase" ???? why can't someone have an experience for a short time and then change it later due to whatever reason or circumstances? why can't someone try something out and then realize it's not right later on? why do we have to decide on a label or identity for life while still trying to figure out who we are? why is someone naturally changing or realizing something about themselves considered lying and fake? why do we let other people's bad opinions create stigmas and stereotypes around everything and then let that dictate everything we do? instead of gatekeeping and hurting potential new community members, why can't we break down those stereotypes and stigmas instead? instead of shaming people who try out your lables, why not shame and demonize the people that throw stereotypes and stigmas at you just because someone else is trying to figure out who they are still????? why let haters dictate how you treat others?

choose the right battles. fight the right people.

[raikkonens]

i need to know your trans kimi thoughts honestly i am so curious-

ok this is literally copied and pasted from my messages with bas from like 2 months ago. think sauber kimi or even kimi pre-f1. i'll put reference pics at the bottom

Got top surgery and is saving up for bottom surgery. Doesn’t know where bottom surgery/recovery fits into his f1 career or if it’s even possible; it’s not really a priority right now for him but if he can find time or take time off, he wants to do it.

His family was supportive - he’d always be their baby. He was into more dangerous, “masculine” things (sports, fishing, hunting with his dad) from a young age so his decision to officially transition didnt come as a surprise. maybe there wasn't even an "official" transition 

Kimi’s been considered a boy by his family and friends since he was about 9 or 10 (he/him pronouns, masculine clothes, etc.) 

Bc kimi passed from a young age, his dad managed to enter him into karting races as a boy (dont ask me how this works idc about logistics)

As for when he started t……idk. i was initially thinking 1999/2000 just before joining f1 but i did some research and now im thinking 16......and maybe he started taking hormone blockers earlier (which would contradict the first point and mean he didn't get top surgery, right? idk i think info from actual trans person could help me here)

A little confused about his sexuality, thinks he might be bisexual but hasn’t been with a girl for a really long time and also has never been with a boy..?? women kinda confuse him but he still finds them attractive.

He’s s bit insecure about how he looks without a hat on. he had longish hair until he was about 18/19/20 (ignore young kimi pics where he has short hair to keep this hc alive pls) but cut it short when he went pro. he likes how he looks with short hair but he’s still getting used to it, hence the hat.

Mika is the only one on the grid who knows he’s trans (idk…in this imaginary world, only the FIA, kimi’s TP, trainer, and manager need to know he’s trans). maybe michael too, and later...seb?

He’s done a lot of work to protect the fact that he was born female. he's not ashamed of it, but he knows what will happen if that info comes out. You can’t really find anything about young kimi – maybe a karting photo here or there but nothing about his personal life. no one finds this odd though bc kimi's very quiet and private in general

sorry this is way more than 5 hc's but here's bb kimi for reference

mclaren kimi experimenting with the no hat look but the contractual obligation to represent the brand and sponsors blah blah blah means that he has to wear the hat a lot (which he's thankful for)

and kimi tries growing out his hair in 2009 and actually kinda likes it?? he basically just stopped giving a fuck (not even an hc, just a fact) and kept it long during his non-f1 ventures in 2010 and 2012

[twyla19]

This is a long one (keep reading just cause its a lot)

This school semester has been absolutely shit. I am FINALLY getting to finish the last two finals, and then i will be done.

I started off dealing with losing a friend (to be homest i should talk with them) and then i had a friend stay with me, which he got locked out of my spare room, which turned into me finding out i wasnt allowed in there (i live in a 2 bed but paying for one cajse of my disability, so its stupid i dont have access) then that next week my car battery died, so i spent the day worrying about everything BUT class material.

A friend started leaving me on read and ghosting me. Then my friend left cause he needed to be back, and i could only host someone for 2 weeks. I started to try and catch up with schoolwork but am constantly anxious about everything all at once. Kept overthinking and worried cause of deadlines and midterms.

Then, after midterms, i dealt with two friends just leaving / blocking me. For no reason. Which i have dealt with like all of my fucking life and im sick of it. If you dont want to be friend just fucking tell me, which one did and mad respect. However, the other one literally stayed with me for two weeks.

So i was very depressed and just again stressed about school work. I lost motivation for everything but am still doing my best. Then, before i knew it, it was fall break. I was able to catch up on late assignments, i got in contact with a case manager, and now it's finals week. I am teeering on a C, which can pass or fail me with the essay i turned in today. I struggled to find my topic for this essay. And this same fucking class the professor is my advisor for my second major OH IM A DOUBLE MAJOR BTW so i had a 19 credit semester PLUS ALL THIS OTHER BS. Its like every week *something else* has to go wrong. Im just hoping and praying that i passed this class cause it's been a shitty semester, and i dont want to cry more.

I suffer in silence cause i hate taking from others positive moods, but damn do i want to finally be done. I have two more finals i have procrastinated and are due tomorrow night. So i have all day to get them done.

Im just tired. In all aspects. And it sucks. Once i get to my parents' house, i am gonna curl up into a ball in my room and just stay there for a while. Im so thankful for the people who have been in my life and have supported me (with or without knowing about this) and still love me through it.

I have not been more happy to say i love my friends so much, so much platonic love. It's so overlooked, but it means the world to me. I am so grateful. 💜

[llycaons]

ep28 (2/2): you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sigh dreamily, you'll grit your teeth in hopeless anger....this one has it all

the drama of the duel is kind of silly if you know it's a ploy so idc for it but this is very real hurt wwx is expressing and jc just doesn't care I guess!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. THIS IS SUCH A DUMB PLAN

also why did he do this. just for the drama....

prettyyy

oh my god so this scene had me sobbing. real tears. she was so happy to see him! her brother!!! but he's going away from them and it's breaking her heart and she's begging jc to do something but he's just standing there and wwx is getting smaller and smaller in the distance 😭 wwx people love you so much!!!!

and this look afterwards...devastating

oh shit did jc give him money? it's implied that lwj gives wq money but following that same logic, maybe jc did too. less in-character for him tho

OUR ICON. HETEROPHOBIC WEI WUXIAN

this is a joke im literally bisexual please dont come for me

im such a sap for their romance...an arrogant rich boy getting into muddy water to personally build you a pond that reminds you of home so you won't be homesick...mud on his face and hiding the lotus behind his back as if he could hide it....I AM charmed!!! I am!!! he may not have any principles either but fuck if he doesn't love his wife!

🥺

and she is CRYING!!!!! she misses her home!!! she wants to be with her brothers!!! this is hard for her!!!

I love that the show teaches you how to watch it. they're saying, look at this romantic couple. jzx is committing to supporting and taking care of jyl. jyl is saying jzx's name with no formalities attached. they're staring deeply into each other's eyes. they're on a bridge (ahh!!! I just noticed!!!). this is what couples in this universe do! dw about kissing. staring intently at each other from an arms-length is the height of romance. and you know what they're right

not that I wouldn't kill for one good wx kiss in ep50. but they're right. sometimes romance is in all the littler things

they call jc 'little' huh. to indicate his youth, and accentuate his helplessness and victimization? don't think that was his goal during the duel

oh my god this scene is fucking hilarious. the poor 19 year old with zero history of working with kids. thrust into this position, a child wailing on his leg, beset on all sides by concerned well-meaning strangers. usually so poised and confident, he's shrunk into himself so much he can barely speak. HE DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR THIS!!!! he doesn't know SHIT!!!

and ofc wwx in the corner laughing at him

that's like nine people...help

this scene is ALSO funny bc wwx is obviously watching lwj for a minute before making his presence known to him and lwj lifts his head and it's pov now so he's suddenly all 🥺😍😮 but all in one face and the frames slow down as we go slomo and wwx looks so handsome and powerful walking over to rescue him from this disaster. his hero <3

forgot he said this and then said he has a bitter expression. very xie lian to mq of him lol

I love this moment bc it's one of the first gifs I ever saw and I remember the commentary was like 'lwj suddenly realizes he has a burning need to have a family with wwx' etc. etc. and they're right he does wants that desperately. sorry, lwj. give it 20 years

this is rich kid behavior. I thought wx was being mean and teasing a-yuan, but he was just being practical. there are toys there, so he'll use them to distract and calm down a-yuan, then they'll leave. they don't have the money! and a-yuan isn't even that upset

still, lwj 0.2 seconds after meeting his very first baby, can't bear to see one not spoiled. so we get this very cute scene

personal highlights

that first convo was so good but THEN I'LL BE THE PRECENDENT and then jc's monologue ough

wq returning the comb. sad but also lmao. fail jc moment

jyl's dream broke my little heart...

jzx all covered in the mud offering jyl a piece of her home he built with his own two hands (mostly)

lwj frozen and panicking and trapped by well-meaning nosy market-goers. because of a toddler

lwj reprimanding wwx for not buying all the toys. he is so silly

[fraener]

11/19/24

odd day today. started reading a book about attachment and security in interpersonal relationships and had a lot of aha moments about me and h and s. what s said, that i "taught him how to love" sank in with new and deeper meaning when i realized he was comfortable enough to accept me as his base attachment to move from and explore from with other people which made me so glad and made me feel so special i almost cried. it also made me realize my general dysregulation around relationships of any sort right now is being aggravated in waves any time im in conflict or flux with h and the insecurities that i feel in there(cause right now im using him as my base attachment) compound and move outwards into everything else. no wonder i feel crazy! and on top of that i know that our relationship was stable until the disruption of me seeing g last fall which has completely thrown h out of synch with the relationship for the whole last year. im trying to recenter things but i cant imagine theres any way to do it and also be myself. i feel calmer now, though, like i can start to separate them and parse it out if i feel like that again. i dont need to be afraid about the trumpet boy, i can just be excited. weirder still was r, a friend of p&s essentially asked to see my nudes even though hes married which i dont really know how to take. i gave a noncommittal response but i dont know. he must have seen me gazing at his bare thighs during the musical! i was checking him out pretty hard. i have no idea what his relationship is like but i know mine couldnt realistically support something that was primarily sexual over something that was primarily romantic. i told h about it and he said in his sick stupor that exchanging nudes is fine which i thought was interesting. but i know if even a hundred more strapping young men offer their bodies to me i still wont be as excited as even just talking on the phone with the trumpet player. he said hed call me back soon i sure hope he meant it.

[cconfusedkat]

so something about your post on internet safety with this whole thing with the drama, you say stuff on like how to stay safe and stuff but then proceed to say that your taking a break bc your overshared?? like how does that work; you talk about not oversharing and yet you do and say ‘i’m prob gonna delete the app and take a break’ or something like that. genuinely how does that make since and also you say something about blocking people you don’t want to talk to, have you blocked airis? but in all truthfulness your cyber bullying a minor, your an adult and you should know better. not that i’m siding with anyone here im just wondering. and also possibly lying about not having good english isn’t a good idea, i may not know you but ive seen enough of your posts to know that you have some pretty good english, i dont know what’s happening in your personal life but on here you have some pretty good English and grammar. some of those words are really big for someone who has bad english, example, ‘Self deprecation’ and also blaming the your ‘bad english’ for something is just down right stupid.

like cool, there’s drama but just because your an adult doesn’t mean you can cyberbully people and get away with it. lets be real, you can drop what ever drama this is and quite literally forget about it. I’m being real here and lets be honest your not. (still not siding with anyone) i know airis said things they probably shouldn’t have and so have you, not to be rude or anything but you need to drop it.

yes, i know things here repeat a few times but that’s because i need to get my point across, you can ignore this if you want but honestly what’s happening between you and airis is messed up and it should stop before it turns into something that it shouldn’t.

also it’s extremely stupid all of this started because YOU got mad at them for venting, they didn’t ask for your opinion. i get that you had one but you could keep it to yourself. airis was venting to people they wanted to vent to that are in the fandom and she wanted to make aware. you could’ve kept to yourself and not said anything but you had to go put your nose into peoples business and start drama for no reason. YOU picked apart they’re vent just to start something.

you need to get some responsibility through your tiny adult brain and actually start acting like one. it’s so stupid how i know kids, literal children who act more adult than you and your what? 19? and you may think ‘oh well i’m only a year into adulthood, i’m still really a teenager’ well your not, where im from you can be held accountable for your actions, which your not doing. your getting so much support from people, which you don’t need because your not the one person who’s mentally health has been messed up from this. if anything airis needs more support than you do but no. everyone is taking your side for no reason, it’s just really stupid. how your getting support for the drama you started because you couldn’t keep YOURSELF in your own business.

You are right, I will admit, as I could've left it alone, however i still felt as it was important to point out some things 🫠 you do not know me ,and it is pretty bold of you to assume good grammar = first language English...? Thats my only complaint ill make here but ill take it as a compliment supposedly

and if its genuinely cyberbullying, then thank you for pointing this out against me, usually no one really points out the critics of another side so im glad you could point that out- my words tried not to mean harm, but if they truly did, then i can delete the posts involved and drop it all

I will not post about it any further, i know it has caused enough damage and i dont wish to put any further harm on aigis, you can hold me accountable for that as well

And i deleted that post a couple mins after (the oversharing thing( cuz i gen didnt think it was a good idea to keep up 😭 im shocked anyone saw that,, youre right on that

i will prevent saying anything else, this gave me a reality check and i am thankful for that, i often get heated and distracted so i know ive said a lot of hypocritical things already,, i have kept them blocked and i wont push anything further

I agree that aigis should have support i will not deny that either, im sorry

[mariisauruslove]

Reasons why I feel the way i feel for you:

Reason 1: You are there for me even when I push you away.

Reason 2: You never have left me

Reason 3: You always know what to say and reply to every part of my messages.

Reason 4: You never belittle me or make me feel small or ugly

Reason 5: Youre a goofball and you always manage to make me smile and laugh so much.

Reason 6: You are ambitious and successful in your careerpath

Reason 7: You are so positive, you are the sun in my sky. You make my life brighter

Reason 8: You reassure me when im feeling insecure

Reason 9: You dont have a favorite shape but have a favorite number lol

Reason 10: You are always the highlight of my day

Reason 11: I’ve given you the worst parts of me and you treated them all with the utmost respect and love. You truly put me together and held me.

Reason 12: You love the moon as a form of weather lol and disagree that I don’t think its actually a type of weather.

Reason 13: Youre so smart, you dont rely on the words of people but you see who they are now

Reason 14: The way you maneuver your life is amazing considering everything you’ve been through

Reason 15: You motivate me to reach my goals

Reason 16: You push me to be the better person i want to be

Reason 17: You love the moonlight as much as i do

Reason 18: You dont get weirded out easily by me lmao

Reason 19: You always cheer me up when I’m in a bad mood, ex. with a joke or a video.

Reason 20: You have this spunk to you that always makes me smile

Reason 21: You will always keep me on my toes

Reason 22: You make little voices when you’re talking as someone else in your stories

Reason 23: You believe in me

Reason 24: You are so wise and have the most beautiful heart of gold

Reason 25: Your voice is the perfect pitch

Reason 26: You’ve caught me off guard, i never expected this love to grow as it had.

Reason 27: You mostly always beat me at games lol (it’s definitely rigged tho and I want a refund 😂)

Reason 28: You water me daily and make me feel so alive.

Reason 29: You cherish your friends and family

Reason 30: You have this glow of love to you that radiates for miles

Reason 31: You write down your dreams

Reason 32: You’ve trained yourself to control your dreams (also this is your favorite number)

Reason 33: You are one of the kindest souls I know

Reason 34: The hours you don’t message me feel like lifetimes of boredom.

Reason 35: I want to constantly be around you because you make me so happy

Reason 36: I absolutely love your brain, the way it thinks and strategizes. There’s so much to explore about you.

Reason 37: I love how you love green like my best friend.

Reason 38: You don’t seem to complain about your problems to anyone, you just fix them

Reason 39: You have the same music taste I do and tbh I fuck with that 😂

Reason 40: You bring music to my attention that I forgot I listened to.

Reason 41: Being around you / talking to you is like reliving my favorite childhood memories

Reason 42: You’re so familiar to me yet so not

Reason 43: At first I struggled to make conversation with you but then it became really easy to talk to you

Reason 44: You are warmth and life in my universe

Reason 45: You have impacted my life more than you can imagine

Reason 46: Every little silly thing you do makes me say “I love this man” under my breath and makes my heart feel warm 💛

Reason 47: You always post “decisions were made” when you see a misplaced item and it makes me giggle every time

Reason 48: You LOVE pineapple on pizza and i def fuck with that 😂 (hawaiian is your favorite)

Reason 49: You apparently think supreme tastes terrible, which offends me, but the fact you hate it means more for me 😂 so if we ever order pizza, I’ll probably order us hawaiian and supreme 😂

Reason 50: You support me and are there for me in ways i didnt know i needed

Reason 51: I love the way you tell stories. You dont suck at telling them like me 😂

Reason 52: I absolutely adore your sarcasm. It matches mine and the way they interact is gr8 :’)

Reason 53: I love your sense of humor.

Reason 54: You’re so selfless and kind

Reason 55: You say you have flaws, but I really don’t see them. You literally can do anything lol… well, i love your drawings but you dont but i still think you can do anything 😂

Reason 56:You’re a man of your word and don’t make promises or commitments unless you’re able to

Reason 57: You dont hate twilight 😂

Reason 58: You’re unapologetically you and stand so firm within yourself ❤️

Reason 59: You’re my rock and keep me together when im falling apart.

60: You dont judge anyone for being themselves and dont let your opinions be projected onto others

61: You are so understanding

62: You’re empathetic and compassionate towards others

63: I love how there were moments we shared where we were both having a hard time and we comforted each other, saying one day at a time, like a small hug that wrapped around us.

64: You calm me with your presence and i find comfort in your company.

65: I love how you hold yourself accountable when you know you make mistakes and try your best to make up for them.

66: I love that you dont let hard times stop you from shining. You’re my sunny leo ♌️. 🌞

67: i love how you are always so dedicated and motivated towards your goals, not just career but in your personal life too.

68: you have much in common with me. Ngl, ive questioned if it was just to agree with me but you’re more you.

69: I see my whole future with you and i cannot see it with anyone else. I know id constantly be happy because the way we interact is so loving.

70: You probably love food as much as i do lol even though i have a weird relationship with it

71: You are terrible at goodbyes just like me.

72: I love how you showed me the office, because it easily became my favorite show.

73: i love making you happy, because your laughter deserves to be heard everyday. i love your laugh.

74: you’re everything on my list of what i want in a man. Literally everything. Although, you definitely added traits to that list.

75: i love how you teach me things without degrading me.

76: I love how you’re honest with me even when it’s not something I want to hear.

77: I love how you enjoy traveling and find yourself enjoying the journey more than the destination.

78: i love how you’re independent.

79: I love how you taught me to love myself.

80: i love how you taught me to heal and set boundaries.

81: I love how you taught me to stop accepting the minimum and set standards for myself.

82: i love how although you broke my heart, you allowed me to see.

83: i love how Lovers in Japan by Coldplay is your favorite song.

84: Dude legit i found it so cool how you did math ezpz. You’re a wizard 🧙‍♂️ Dabes!

85: You’re not a perfect person but you were perfect to me.

86: i love how you love Christmas as much as i do.

87: I love how you love taylor swift. #Swiftie

88: I love how you’re outgoing and make friends wherever you go, because I be awkward at making friends lol but im working on it

89: I love how you’re always so excited to live life, every moment is yours to live.

90: I love how unselfish and caring you are.

91: I love how your brain works, the way it processes things.

92: I love how you’re overall a happy spirit and taught me to be the same way.

93: I love how there’s many depths to you, each one only revealed by you.

94: Although I wished youd open up more to me, you taught me the art of emotional independence. To stop relying so much on people when I should have the capacity to fix it.

95: I love how you enjoy running and how it connects you with your family.

96: I love that you’re a family man and will do anything for your family.

97: I love how twilight reminds you of me and it will be something that will always tie your thoughts to me.

98: I love how you inspire others to reach their goals.

99: I love that even in scary situations, such as your heart issues, you remain strong and uplifting. You stay positive and keep going.

100: I love you because you pulled me out of the darkest hole I’ve been in my whole life, where I knew I wouldn’t come back. And you did it without wanting anything in return. You declared that any human deserves this, but you poured love from your cup into mine and because of you, I’m alive. This ill never forget. You’re the bestest friend I could have ever acquired throughout my life.

[ojibwa]

me waving my sage incense over my plushies like hehe u r cleansed now :]

[technowoah]

if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

[finntaur]

I posted 3,097 times in 2022

266 posts created (9%)

2,831 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@

@xavalav

@finntaur

@buttonduos

@peearrdee

I tagged 988 of my posts in 2022

#ask - 95 posts

#thanks for the ask! - 95 posts

#damien 🔥 - 44 posts

#ask game - 37 posts

#siren 🧜🏾 - 33 posts

#anon - 27 posts

#our flag means death - 26 posts

#cherry - 25 posts

#ofmd - 24 posts

#encanto - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and it was also a shift in the culture from ‘the police are not on our side and never have been’ (when jewish writers were more prevalent)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Now, I know im not the first person to notice this, and there's probably 50 billion essays out there on this topic but I've noticed a trend with the younger generations on the internet.

In your needs to find the one utmost unproblematic person in the universe, you neglect to account for their humanity. You push them onto this pedestal of perfection that inevitably crumbles as soon as someone makes One Mistake.

Take into account how many times a "regular person" like you makes mistakes. And I'm not talking like supporting yahtzees or purposely being transphobic. I'm talking the times you lashed out. The times you cannot control your emotions or actions. And I know a majority of you have had to unlearn behaviors and that takes time.

To hold people onto these pedestals of unproblematic perfection, you forget the human. They're not figurines meant to be viewed and spout whatever catchphrase or funny joke you want, these are people. People make mistakes, people aren't caught up when it comes to certain topics, people lash out, people are people.

Imagine you yourself were a celebrity held up to these standards and you always had someone watching and waiting for that one mistake. It's exhausting to even hold yourself to these standards, so why should celebrities be held to the same?

31 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

#4

NOOO LITTLE GERMAN BOY DONT WALK INTO SPENCER’S

oh mein gott zis store is full of dickenzings

36 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#3

I’m not like other girls… I’m a man

71 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#2

I think it would’ve been fucking hilarious if dinosaurs were around during important historical periods

118 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

She p on my em til i das

182 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[the-flaming-nightmare]

I posted 12,002 times in 2022

That's 7,787 more posts than 2021!

26 posts created (0%)

11,976 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pinkdiapers

@reaperlight

@cher3pakha

@dykeboyking

@cielores

I tagged 1,077 of my posts in 2022

#delicious foods - 91 posts

#ns//fw - 91 posts

#plushies - 85 posts

#fanart - 48 posts

#delicious sweets - 45 posts

#eremin - 43 posts

#sam and dean - 30 posts

#9-1-1 - 30 posts

#sebaciel - 24 posts

#wincest - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#i usually dont like at all it but if its incorporated into a dessert well then im okay with it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

With the stress brought on by the Noah's Ark Circus case, and the added stress of illness, Ciel's mental state begins to fall apart at the seams; revealing a side of himself that neither he nor Sebastian never knew existed.

Reblogs are dearly appreciated 💛

9 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#4

It's Ciel's seventh birthday.

Reblogs are dearly appreciated 💚

9 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#3

If anyone is looking for an editor for your fanfiction or original stories, I'm available for hire. I charge $20 dollars an hour, and all transactions will go through Cash App. Whether you have trouble with English, or just want someone to do the annoying part of writing for you (trust me, I know the feeling lol), I'm here to help.

I do have one condition: I won't edit anything that has non-con in it. I don't mind a bit of dub-con, but for personal reasons, I don't do the hardcore shit. Other than that, I'm game for anything.

I'm currently trying to create a steady income so I can afford to pay rent on an apartment for me and my best friend. We're both in our own shitty living situations at the moment, and we're desperately trying to find ways to earn enough cash to financially support ourselves in a place of our own.

So please, if anyone sees this and needs help, or knows someone who does, send me a massage. If neither of these apply to you, then please give this post an reblog. I'll take as many reblogs as I can get lol.

16 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

#2

Attention Prodigal Son fandom: I’m going to start writing an essay soon on what the show means to me and why I believe it deserves a second chance, and I would love to have some of y’all’s own thoughts and feelings to add to it.

If you’re interested, please email me by Friday at enbylad00@gmail.com . In one or two paragraphs, tell me why the show means so much to you. I probably won’t be able to put everyone’s in, but I promise I’ll put as many of you as I can. Also, at the end of the email, please add whichever social media @ that you’re comfortable with so I can credit you.

If y’all could also RT this post, that would be awesome. Thank you. <3

I don’t know if this essay will do anything at all, but I can still try. I haven’t given up hope that we’ll get this amazing show back. I refuse to give up.

23 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It fucking baffles me how there are antis in the Rick and Morty fandom. Why tf are you even here?? Have you even seen the show??? It's not exactly a wholesome fucking watch. Rick is the farthest thing from a good person, and Morty ain't exactly a sweet angel boy, either. Rick has quite literally destroyed civilizations (including his own), and both these mfs have killed a shit ton of people and aliens (some who did shit all to deserve it), but you're mad that people irl ship them?? Just shut the fuck up.

Nobody in this show is what's considered a good person. Nobody. They either have toxic traits, or are just straight up toxic af. But that's the fucking point. This show isn't meant to be Steven fucking Universe, ffs. It's an Adult Swim cartoon that's about an old alcoholic asshole of a scientist and his horny naive 14 year old grandson who go on or get sucked into dangerous adventures every episode. So if you're gonna be that pressed about people shipping them, or literally any other characters together, then maybe you should stop watching the show entirely, since everything that's said and done is SO far from being the "uwu I love my family and feel nothing but wholesome love for them" good morals that you fantasize every show and movie catering to.

🖕🏼

24 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

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