#i know i started this whole questioning vibe with my url when i asked how you guys read it but i have fun with it everytime lmao

[genericpuff]

Okay, what the FUCK is Inklore?

My ULO pals and I have been deliberating on this one since it was announced. "Inklore", the brand new imprint from Random House Worlds - which is, in and of itself, an imprint of Penguin Random House - and Rachel Smythe Presents, an in-house program of sorts that's dedicated to graphic novels, specifically those that "tell updated, romantic versions of classic stories and mythologies, and caters to readers looking for bingeable, relationship-driven stories with a distinct visual voice."

Basically it's exactly how it sounds - they're creating an imprint for works like Lore Olympus, and using Rachel as the leading lady.

But let's dig a little deeper. Because the more I searched on Inklore, Rachel Smythe Presents, and Random House Worlds, the more it started to paint a picture of what's really going on here.

INKLORE

I talked about this in my recent analysis of LO's pacing problems, but Inklore launching in Spring 2024 conveniently lines up with what would seem like a reasonable end point for LO. Rachel's always lined up LO's episodes with real life dates and holidays - even when it's been at her comic's own expense - and while we've kept our minds open to the possibility that it could end later than Spring, there's no denying at this point that LO itself is dragging itself out, which gives me stronger reason to believe it's just trying to make it to March, specifically March 20th, which is the first day of Spring in the northern hemisphere. Because of this, our best predictions right now is that LO's series finale will either release on FP or unlock for free readers on either the 16th or 23rd of March (if it unlocks for free on either of those dates, that means we can expect the series to end behind the FP paywall on either April 6th or 13th, assuming they're aren't any more hiatuses, but at this point I doubt there will be.)

Moving on, let's look at the actual Inklore site-

Already you can get the vibe of what kind of work they're looking for through their imprint. This is for people like Rachel. Now, I'm definitely not going to rag on anyone's tastes, I myself am a weeb of epic proportions, but considering you're about to see what's really the highlight of this site, you'll get what I mean when I say this isn't for people like Rachel, this is for people like Rachel. Specifically Rachel.

RACHEL SMYTHE PRESENTS

Inklore seems to be just an imprint specifically for Rachel Smythe Presents, with a couple extra series tacked on to give off the impression of it being more credible than it is. It means the whole site can be dedicated to it, rather than having it shoved in haphazardly alongside Penguin Random House's other works. You'll see what I mean in a second, but let's magnify those questions real quick, shall we?

As soon as I saw the "we are not accepting unsolicited pitches for Rachel Smythe Presents", it dawned on me that Rachel's own fans don't know how imprints work. Why do I say that? Look no further than the comment sections on her announcement posts for RSP (which I'm abbreviating, but I assure you, it stands for "Rachel Sex Party"- /j)

Of course, there are plenty of "congratulations" comments and "please do xyz myth", in which case, please, don't let her touch more myths I beg you-

But then there are also the odd comments of people asking how to get involved themselves. People who are just, by all accounts, regular people on the Internet.

But wait, how do you get involved? Thankfully there's a handy URL in that FAQ telling us how.

And holy shit, it's hilarious.

Guys, it's so easy to get into Rachel Smythe Presents! All you have to do is finish a manuscript, find an agent who's willing to work with a new unpublished author (and hope that they're not a scammer), get your manuscript prepared for publishing and submitted to editors, and then hopefully land a book deal! Wasn't that so easy?? Thanks for demystifying the process, Penguin Random House!

Listen, okay, there's something to be said about how difficult it is to navigate the publishing world. While some of those difficulties are for good reason - to ensure that not just any piece of crap thrown on paper can get published - many more are rooted in privilege, racial gatekeeping, and sexism. It is still an industry being run by a lot of nasty old fucks who take full advantage of people desperate enough to get their book published.

All that aside, it's kind of hilarious - in a sad kind of way - to see fans of this comic assume that this project and its opportunities were ever made for them. It wasn't. It wasn't made for the Canvas creators, it wasn't made for the Wattpad writers, it wasn't made for the people who work in the medium that Rachel started out in to get where she is today. It was made for the people who are already 3 of the 4 steps into Penguin Random House's "helpful" guide on publishing. It was made for the Cait Corrains and the wannabe Rick Riordans.

At best, Inklore is simply a home that's been manufactured for Lore Olympus after it's done on Webtoons. It may remain on the WT platform forever - or maybe not - but Inklore gives it a way to be seen and acknowledged outside of its niche. Because, despite Webtoons attempting to make Lore Olympus a global phenomenon, it really hasn't sold well in other countries, especially those where it was translated which people from those countries have stated it's not translated well at all.

It goes to show that much of LO's claim to fame was manufactured within North America by Webtoons itself, and Inklore is just another one of those manufactured attempts.

Still don't believe me? Still think I'm wearing too much tinfoil?

There are still only two series that Inklore has to show for itself - and remember, it launches in two months - and of course the ones leading that charge are every single volume of LO, even the ones that aren't "new and upcoming" anymore.

And then there's their Instagram, which is just more of the same-

(wonder if they ever found a Marketing Manager? Not exactly the role you want to be left empty leading up to a launch, oop-)

But wait, doesn't that site layout look a little... off? Almost cheap, maybe? Am I being too harsh-

Oop, nope, it's the exact same template used for the LoreOlympusBooks.com website.

Wait a minute, what about the imprint that Inklore is attached to? Random House Worlds?

RANDOM HOUSE WORLDS

... Uhhuh. I'm not entirely convinced that Lore Olympus is in any way on the same level as fucking Star Wars but to the average onlooker, this would make Lore Olympus seem pretty big and important simply on the virtue of it sitting smack dab in the middle of a grid of massive franchises.

So I'll bite, where do these buttons go? They all lead to external sites selling books and merchandise (except for the Marvel Studios one, which hilariously doesn't have a URL attached, so that button goes nowhere LMAO)

... Oh. It's that layout again.

Not all of them have the same layout, mind you, but it seems to be the default layout for sites they just haven't buffed up yet. It would explain why the Star Wars and D&D sites are a lot more robust in their designs, while others just link back to Penguin Random House:

Now the Minecraft one does look better at first glance, but it's still just the same template as the LO site, with a slightly different layout, but working off the same design philosophy, like they just spent a few extra hours dragging things around and spiffying them up in a site editor.

So it seems a lot of the default sites are working off the same CSS stylesheets, which doesn't exactly look good for LO and Inklore's online identity.

But hey, it's gotta mean something that LO is sitting alongside such franchises as Star Wars, Marvel, Magic the Gathering, and Minecraft, right? These are some of the biggest franchises on the planet, and while LO does make a lot of money, it's still nowhere near the billions that these franchises generate every single year.

And that's what I would be saying, if I hadn't noticed the specific products that Random House Worlds was selling - all easily churned out merch, from cookbooks to spin-off titles, which aren't exactly the main draw for these franchises, simply stocking stuffers or otherwise fun gimmicks to try out.

(I actually own the Dungeons and Dragons tarot deck. It's shit. They don't actually tell you the suit of the cards, JUST the numbers, so you have to flip through the book and match up the pictures on the cards with the pictures in the book just to figure out if it's Cups, Pentacles, Wands, or Swords, which I'm sure you can figure out, if you're a tarot reader, is very inconvenient and doesn't make for a good card reading experience)

Point is, Random House Worlds seems to mostly be an imprint dedicated solely to the cheaper products and books they can make to pump up a franchise's merch count. Even the Critical Role site doesn't offer the campaign books, those are published by their own personal imprint Darrington Press and are offered on their main - and much better designed - site:

Instead it's selling printed versions of interviews and... mad libs.

Not made or even really endorsed by the Critical Role cast, because if they were, they'd be on the main site, where the good shit is.

Random House Worlds is, at least judging off what I've found here, the "trick the parents into buying it" imprint. It's simply there for parents to see, go "my kid watches / plays that!" and then buy a Beholder puzzle which their kid will undoubtedly start and then never finish and eventually throw out half-finished after all the pieces have been lost. It's the cheap merch money generating machine, with works written by people who were simply paid to write it, and not people actually involved in the larger franchises.

And this is the imprint that Inklore and Rachel Smythe Presents is going to be an extension of.

At best, Inklore will likely just be a home for Rachel's work post-Webtoons, with maybe the odd success outside of it. At worst, it comes across as nothing more than an ego project, another artificial attempt to place Rachel and LO on the same playing field as Marvel, Minecraft, Star Wars, and Dungeons & Dragons through the only means that they can - an imprint that specializes in off-brand books, which they're truly counting on people just seeing the logos and going "wow those are big franchises!" and associating LO with that status simply by affiliation - without it having anywhere near the actual level of prestige, household influence, or brand recognition.

Its readership is dying out, its stats dropping, and worst of all, the vast majority of people - of which its a very small amount - who have heard about LO without being a Webtoons user themselves have heard how infamous it is in its bad writing and poor art direction.

It has nowhere to go but down, and if you were hoping to be a part of Rachel Smythe Presents, then all I can suggest to you is to go through the very simple process of finishing your manuscript, finding an agent, finding an editor, and then (hopefully) landing a book deal with the 'esteemed' Inklore.

Good luck! ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[dg-outlaw]

random q!!! how did you come up with your url?

So... I wish I had some super cool, fun story to tell about my best friend and I that one summer by the train tracks and the hit song that year that got stuck in our heads or whatever. Or maybe another story about how I got this cool nickname from my college buddies after that one party.

Alas, I'm generic as fuck. [TL;DR in the tags]

A while back, before I started posting my fanfics, I had a whole plan for a different Jason Todd (Red Hood) fanfic series set after Red Hood: Outlaw #50. The basic premise was Jason back in Gotham after a brief time away (because reasons), but this time he was having to step up as one of Gotham's main heroes. The series was going to have this paranormal noir vibe to it, but I won't elaborate too much on why or how because I do plan to repurpose some of those ideas for a second/Part 2 JaySteph series.

While brainstorming and plotting, I was also trying to figure out the best place to host my fics. I knew of Ao3, FF.net, and Wattpad, but I also wanted a main hub in case people wanted to interact with me outside of those spaces or more directly. I didn't want to pay for a website and hosting (or deal with the hassle), but I did want a place where I could play with my more artistic/graphic design side. Tumblr was also going through some things at that time so it wasn't on my radar.

Long story short, I fell down the rabbit hole and did more design work than writing. I set up a blog site, created assets for different fanfic sites and social media platforms, etc. I knew "brand recognition" was important or at least having one handle was less confusing when trying to direct people to your stuff. I know that sounds very corporate or influencer-y, but I have a design background so presentation matters to me.

Anyway, I decided to go with my pen name initials and "Outlaw" as I saw myself (as the writer) as the silent member of Jason's outlaw team. Plus, it was a handle I could use across different platforms, though I'm only really on here, Ao3, and Discord.

If you've read this far, here are some of the assets from that whole endeavor:

Thanks for the Ask @qwkwqrdf4ck. Though, I ask the question back. How did you come up with yours?

[dameronswife]

9, 11 and 15 for the General Selfship ask game :)

hey thanks for the question!!! <33 I like your url!

9. How long have you been part of the selfshipping community? How long before have you selfshipped without being aware of the community or publicly partaking in it?

That is an excellent question with a very complicated answer! So, I've been self-shipping probably my whole life, in terms of "imaginary friends" and such (when I was little, like prior to ten, I had a big huge crush on a.nakin and kind of imaginary friend'd that, and then did so even more with the eleventh doctor when I was 13/14, even read some x reader, BUT I wouldn't classify that as "romantically" self shipping bc I was very irritated with all the romance and was like. ugh. fine if i love him and think he's cute I gUESS I'll kiss him if i have to it's basically a job requirement for companions anyway).

But actually shipping an oc with a character? I've been doing that since 2017, and if you guessed that it was for Poe, you'd be right. I stopped reading x reader for a long time, but abruptly remembered they existed and started reading them again and made up an oc that had a history with Poe for a sequel trilogy au I was writing at the time; she kind of ended up being a lot like Z.orii, a bounty hunter character who had a backstory with Poe (they met in the navy though). They didn't wind up together, because at the time I guess the possibility didn't occur to me, but they did kiss (and I described Poe as looking like an angel, lmao).

Flashforward to 2021, and a late night (for me) conversation with my partner @hermitmoss resulted in us tossing around what would happen if their s/i met the resistance crew, and that snowballed into fae mentioning that my already existing Star Wars s/i Volya, would immediately crush on Poe...and with a lot of enablement on faer's part, I wound up....shipping Volya entirely with Poe. They describe it as "how I started openly dating Poe around [my partners]" and they're not incorrect in the slightest!

Then in 2022, I followed someone who self-ships and asked them about it and they explained to me what the community was, and what it entailed, and I realized I'd been doing it my whole life. Shortly after, I made a blog for it specifically!

11. Do you incorporate kink into your selfships? If yes, any kinks you prefer?

[nervous laughter] would you look at the time. no, I kid, I kid. I've been wondering about Volya's kinks for a long time, in all honesty - there's a lot I like to play around with, for her and Poe. Title kink definitely comes up for them, but I think a big one is soft d/s vibes. Also there's the tiny fact that I kind of COMPLETELY unintentionally wrote Volya perfectly into the role of an omega, if I ever did an omegaverse au. Seriously, when I finally asked one of my partners about it and they gave me a rundown and I was like holy shit. It's kind of impressive lmao.

But yeah, I think a lot of soft d/s, maybe some bondage - I think that would be an interesting thing to explore with Poe and Volya's respective traumas. I think they'd definitely think roleplay would be fun they'd get a crack out of it, I bet.

As for Emilia and Marc, I haven't decided what kinks they're into, but I definitely think they're freaky. she's a spider person, and every spider hero seems really into kinky sex, and I don't think she's an exclusion to the rule. But I haven't thought enough on their sex life yet to get totally into what they'd both be into. I definitely think their respective superhero staminas get a lot of use though

15. If you're fictionfolk, how does that affect your selfships?

One quick google search later...I do think I am probably a little bit fictionfolk, I certainly can relate anyway, especially being a system host when majority if not all of my headmates are fictives. Uhm, I mean I don't know - I feel like it definitely adds a component to the sense of yearning I have. I'm not just yearning for Poe, you know, the Resistance, D'Qar - that genuinely feels like home for me. I feel, genuinely, like I was born in the wrong world, and that's why this one is so hard for me and why I can't find my footing in it. Like...I am yearning for the place that I feel like I do genuinely belong; I poured...so much of myself into Volya. She is me, and I am her. It is a moebius strip, she is the deepest, innermost parts of myself made ink; she is everything I love about myself, everything I loathe about myself, every piece of me I've fought to hide because it felt too vulnerable to show anyone. She holds all my desires, she has the family I crave and long for, she gets to touch and hold and kiss and make love to Poe, she gets to stand up for herself and what she believes in, she gets to call Leia mother...

It's a good kind of hurt, but it's still a hurt. And I think it definitely impacts how I self-ship at least with Poe; I don't have that same sense of yearning for the universe that Marc is in, because that's basically my reality, so I haven't quite been able to pour myself so directly into Emilia yet. Emilia is a part of myself, she has a lot of backstory similiarities to me, but she's a lot cooler than me. A lot more self-reliant. But I know where I end, and she begins. I don't with Volya.

Well...apart from the fact that she's blue and I'm not, anyway.

general self ship asks!

[olympiansally]

Holybshit is your url Olympians ally or Olympian Sally. I been wondering who Sally is and it just occurred to me im reading it wrong

skwksiwksiwkaksk ok ok so we’ve been over this in some post that i can’t find to link here but it’s actually meant to be ambiguous so don’t worry about it lmao

But like basically, this used to be a percy jackson blog and Sally is the world’s best most badass mom who i love dearly (any similarities to how i feel about Soichiro should not be pointed out, yes I have daddy and mommy issues both shhh lmao)

But anyway, idk how familiar you are with pjo but the kids are demigods aka they have one mortal and one godly parent, so this url was like a play on how much better it would be if Sally was an olympian and also because the bitch deserves it ksiaksiakoaks but i didn’t want it to be too tied to Sally’s character specifically so i worded it in a way that could also be read as olympian’s ally, since i am a huge greek mythology nerd since way before my pjo days

It didn’t really occur to me to change it when i started posting death note because i didn’t expect to basically turn into a death note blog lmao and once that happened i was already far too attached to olympiansally to change it but long ass rant aside lmao to answer your actual question, it is technically Olympian Sally but it’s supposed to read as both :)

Also thank you for the ask that i used as an excuse to explain wtf is up with my url since it doesn’t make any fucking sense now that i’m this deeply in the death note fandom revival lmao i owe you one anon thanks 🥰

[heartonthejindow]

Hey lovely!

So I’m very new to the kpop world and only have watched few glimpses of bts and Blackpink here and there. Blackpink are pretty but their music is just not my taste and I felt very good intrigued by bts music. I’m sorry if that offends any Blackpink fans please.

Also I’m black and I just asked on my twt account my followers if any were into bts and could recommend where I start... like album wise or just watch random mvs and then into their other content but the response I got was... interesting.

And I stumbled upon your blog cuz of a mutual (I happened to be bi too and your URL caught my attention).

So yeah... the response I got was “if you’re black stay away from bts” or “they all HATE black people so don’t waste your energy on them” and just other weird comments and I’m very confused. Is that true? Should I not get into them? I’m scared to google anything about them in case I find things I won’t like but they can’t be that bad if they’re this famous and loved right? I really really wanna get into their music cuz I heard this one song that legit it made me cry, it’s called spring days.

Please enlighten me or just give me advice. Because deep down, looking at them they don’t at all strike me as bad people. In fact they just give me positive and happy vibes.

I’m sorry if my question is offensive and you can ofc delete it.

Thank you ❤️

hi friend!

so to start, let me just say right off the bat that i’m not black and so it’s not my place to tell you whether or not bts has “made up” for their indiscretions. i think everyone needs to inform themselves on what bts has done, good and bad, and decide for themselves whether their actions have shown growth and self-awareness, enough that you can respect them as artists and people and be a fan. to address one thing in your message though: i would definitely disagree with the person who told you that “they all hate black people.” that is absolutely untrue and has never been true.

there is a really amazing compilation post here that lists literally everything bts has ever done, good and bad, in relation to all social justice issues. i read through it when i first became an army because i had my own reservations about them, and it was incredibly informative and eye-opening. again, it’s not my place to “forgive” them for any of the things mentioned in this post, but to me, it’s just important to know that they have grown and learned from their mistakes - whether or not that growth is enough for you to believe that they are good people is subjective.

it’s a really long, really detailed post, and i believe the last time it was updated was in 2020, so definitely keep that in mind too! it includes pretty much every incident i’ve ever heard about and provides context for everything too. i hope it helps you in some way and that you’re able to reconcile your newfound love for their music with the people that they are today. if you’re really not feeling reading through the whole post, you can scroll to the end for op’s “summary,” of sorts, and decide how you feel from there.

i’m sorry that i can’t be of more help, and i hope that the post i linked to helps you at all. if you’d want to come off anon and discuss anything with me further, i’m definitely happy to chat with you, as well. hope you’re having a lovely day! 💗

[blueprint-han]

ex.

↪ so many what if’s. who would give you those answers?

— where in you stumble into your ex at a friend’s wedding, and the subsequent conversation leads to new hope blooming in your relationship.

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ex au; angst with a fluffy ending.

⇥ warnings: themes/mentions of break up/make up, mentions of alcohol, please let me know if I miss a warning. please note that i, by no means condone any toxic relationships. this fic here with bang chan and Y/N is NOT an example of a toxic relationship or an implication of bang chan’s actions in real life. please take it as fiction.

word count: 3.3 K

type: one shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Bang Chan, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

↯ note: I decided to merge your request with the prompt because it’s angst and guess who’s the queen of angst? You !! 😌 This was picked up from ex, as you can see and again your url ~vibes~ so uwu hope you enjoy it, this is my first time writing angst tho so please go easy on me. <3 Love you mom <333  ⇥ dawn.☀️

The dance hall’s fairly crowded when you take another shot of your martini, drowning in its essence as you make a desperate attempt to disconnect yourself from your vicinity. You wanna believe you’re drunk, though it’s not true in the slightest — you can still feel, hear, see everything around you clearly — the alcohol’s clearly not having its effect today. You wish, oh so dearly wish it did, because the man standing about two tables away from you really doesn’t deserve the attention you’re giving him right now.

The last thing you’d expected when you entered the hall to attend your friend’s wedding was to stumble right into the one man you’d been trying to avoid for the past two months. At that very moment, you cursed all the odds for making you face the man of your nightmares, the one who broke your heart.

Bang Chan.

Sure enough, just like when he’d dropped the news on you, all the butterflies in your stomach drop dead one by one, gloom and desolation taking over. The mere sight of him is enough to send you into a frenzy of confusion — you feel the flutter in your heart to know that he’s doing okay, but you can also feel that pit of sadness, anger and heartbreak mixed to wash over as one of the most conflicting feelings ever.

“O-oh, hi there, Y/N.” Chan had waved a hand and bowed down, but you shakily nodded your head, not bothering to give him any words of acknowledgement as you stumbled into the hall. How is it that you didn’t notice him until half the wedding was over? How could you forget that he was supposed to attend, because he was the bride’s friend alike? 

Was it wrong that part of you still wished that you could be standing next to him, watching him as he introduced you to his friends, calling you “his girlfriend”?

You wondered what the look on Chan’s face would’ve been when you left his greeting hanging in the cold air like that. Was he broken on the inside too? Or did he simply not care? He’d been the one to end it, after all. He looks smart right now — adorning a luxurious black suit, his brownish hair slicked neatly to the side and parted. The delicate silver chain you’d given him on his birthday is oddly still on his neck — you promise yourself to not think about it much, because you know it’ll give you hope — and hope’s a dangerous feeling, at least for you.

When the music starts blaring through the speakers and the couple start dancing together, you sigh, straightening your posture from where you’re leaning against the shot table. Your friend has the prettiest smile plastered onto her face — it comes naturally to her, you figure, seeming as to how she’s married to the love of her life right now. They both seem lost — almost peaceful — as they stare into each other’s eyes. Soon, more and more couples join, until the whole hall is filled with everyone dancing on their heels, twirling and smiling and dancing gracefully. Everyone except you, of course.

You sigh, fixing the hem of your swan-white dress. Way to go for your mood to be ruined — all because you happened to stumble upon your ex boyfriend, and thoughts consumed you as a whole. Was it so wrong of you to wish that you could go back in time and change his decision? You’d moved on from this — you’d told yourself you’d moved on a month ago. You wiped him out of your memory — all the things that reminded you of him — but what if you’d only patched up the wound, not healed it in the slightest? What if the person who held the key to repair your broken heart was held by a person who you’d let go, and by all means, couldn’t reach out now?

So many what if’s. Who would give you those answers? He surely hadn’t, when all he did was just break it out to you over a meeting at the park that he’d fallen out of love with you. 

You never understood what happened. It just started with the less frequent messages and meet ups, the excuse of always being busy, and that slowly morphed into him ignoring you for days, until one day he broke the news and ended it, on good terms. Or at least you thought so.

You sigh again, asking the bartender to lend you one bottle of the drink — which he does without question — before you walk over to the staircase that seems to lead to the terrace. Away from the risk of your eyes landing on him and your thoughts going all over the place again. If only you could walk away from the pit of emotions in your heart the same way. If only.

When you kick the almost rusted door open, the fresh blast of cold air that hits you makes you sigh in relief. You tuck several strands of hair neatly behind your ear, walking to the edge as you glance at the view. Leaning against the concrete, you let the lights coming from the night cityscape blur your vision, along with the faint, distant echoing of horns coming from the roads fill your ears. It’s a distraction, after all.

You pop open the cork of the bottle, letting the fizz bubble down before pressing your lips against the rim. One gulp, two, you then gaze up at the night sky. Rinse and repeat, until the whole bottle is almost finished. You ignore the void in your heart, filling it with the essence of alcohol and ignoring the feelings bubbling in it right now. 

Chan was like a drug — so addicting and so hard to get rid of once you got into the habit of consuming it regularly. You wanted to reach out and hold onto those memories you shared with him — he was the first person where you let your heart do the talking, and all it took was a look at another person to change lanes, leave you alone in the dust of your crushed heart — only to come to the disappointing note that you’d lost those memories forever. They existed merely in a place you couldn’t reach, couldn’t see, but could only recall. It was pure torture to you, but you’d ignored it all for so long, certainly you could ignore it again.

“Need a refill?”

Your head snaps back in the direction of the voice. A familiar, one soothing voice that now brings pain to your heart, now threatens to bring back the wave of emotions you’d kept at bay. 

Your eyes meet the hazel brown orbs, and not diverting from their strong, fierce gaze; you scoff, turning back around to stare off into the distance. 

Chan frowns, tilting his chin as he tries to soothe the burn from your two reactions. He doesn’t back away though, because now he maybe understands what you felt like when it all fell apart, when he wrote your ending with a shaky hand.

He walks front to where you’re leaning against the concrete, silently drinking out of the glass he holds in his hand.

Should I say something? He thinks. He should, right? When you ended it, you did end on peaceful terms, even though your reaction felt like you were more affected by it. Even after three months, he still feels the warmth that flowed through him whenever he looks at you — you who clearly don’t want to speak to him. He feels crazy now, for wanting to let you go. 

You hadn’t even bothered to curse at him that day — just looked at him with eyes that honestly pierced through his soul, and hurt him more than any of your words could’ve. But maybe that was what he deserved, right?

“Why did you come here?” You ask, swirling the almost empty bottle in your hand. Oddly enough, you don’t feel like walking away, feet frozen in position. You’d ended it on good terms, didn’t you? You’d promised to each other you’d be good friends.

“I noticed you were alone.” The man feels himself say.

“Didn’t you bring your girlfriend along? Isn’t she alone right now?” You counter, taking another sip of your drink. Again, the alcohol is having no effect on you. Why did your tolerance have to be so high when you needed it to be low?

“I-” He takes a deep breath, tilting his head to either side to relieve the tension in his neck. “Broke up with her. About three weeks ago.”

You only chuckle. Somehow, your feelings are strong when he’s away, but when the cause is right in front of you, somehow they fail to make an appearance.

“Did you come here so you could win me back?” You ask, straightening up as you avoid Chan’s firm gaze on you, and his face goes gloomier and gloomier with every statement you spew at him. But then again, who could blame you for being angry? You had every right to.

“No.” He shook his head, fixing his position so his shoulders are about an inch away from yours. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m alright.” You say, softening at the edges at his concerned tone. You don’t know why you’re listening to him and not going back into the hall, but your legs are still frozen in place, something in you, your heart, doesn’t let you move.

Why do you feel like it’s your first time meeting him all over again?

He’s your ex, a part of your life you’re supposed to forget. Instead, you’re here, reminiscing it with the very person who left you in the first place. The situation you’re bound in is so weird — you almost don’t know what to do — but nonetheless, you just stand there, ignoring the slight flutter in your heart — just like the first time again.

“How are you doing?” You give yourself the liberty to ask him that question — just to know how he’s doing. Just another way for you to answer your countless what if’s, another method to try and fill the void in your heart.

Chan sighs, straightening up himself before looking at you. “I missed you.”

At the simple admission, you soften around the edges some more. It was wrong, so wrong that you were giving him to permission to get into your heart again — but what if you never wanted him to leave in the first place? 

Hope — the dangerous feeling — starts resonating through your chest. It’s the tiniest emotion, one you can’t quite sense, but still feel. You can feel yourself grow warm, feel his gaze burn into the side of your face as he awaits a reaction.

“I-I don’t know what to say to that.” You reply, tucking some of your hair behind your ear again, before curling it with your index finger. You don’t look into his eyes yet — you’re not so brave to do so — focusing your bored, almost sad gaze as you count all the lights flashing at you on a skyscraper. Anything to distract you from this feeling.

Chan notices your stare, and sighs again. He’s battling himself too, right now. Should I say it? He thinks.

“I-I’ll be honest and confess to you, okay?” Chan turns to face you properly, while you bite your lip, waiting for his next words. Oddly enough, you feel more nervous now than you felt that day when Chan ended it with you. It’s so weird to feel it all over again.

“I’ve missed you and… I truly regret what I did that day.” He runs his hands through his chocolate brown hair, which seems to look particularly soft today. It reminds you of when you’d casually back hug him when he was working, pecking the back of his neck as you’d comb your fingers through his hair. 

“Chan, no.” You feel your voice crack, the sadness overflowing out of its cup, spreading to all your senses as you close your eyes, letting out a single tear. 

“Y/N…” Chan places his hand on your shoulder. You don’t flinch.

“Y-You l-left me.” You feel your brain cloud over, having no control over yourself as the words start spilling out of your mouth, piercing Chan’s heart bit by bit. “Y-You l-left me when I thought you’d stay… And you left me alone.” You feel his thumb rub against the bare skin of your shoulder, and this time, you stare up, looking straight into his eyes.

“I loved you,” You stammer, inhaling deeply as you take note of Chan’s expression. Surprisingly, he’s crying too. The rims of his eyes are filled with tears, his whole face goes red as he tries not to violently sob. “I love you.” You correct yourself.

“But you left me. You left me when I thought all I had was you and - and, what? Three months later, you tell me you miss me? Is this because your girlfriend broke up with you? You wanna win me back?” You spew, slamming your hand against his chest as you shake in his arms. 

He wordlessly pulls you into his embrace, and you don’t complain — you don’t know if it’s because of your brain being cloudy and your eyes being all itchy from crying, or if it was because you missed his hugs, but you feel yourself clutch onto the material of your shirt as you cry, cry and cry until you feel like your tears don’t remain.

“I’m so sorry…” Is all he can say, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he tries to comfort you.

“I hate you, Chan. I hate you so much.”

Something in him shatters when he hears your words. He wordlessly mouths “Alright.” and doesn’t bother controlling his tears anymore, letting them flow down his cheeks and settle into your hair, not bothering to hold back the sounds of brokenness he makes either.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He pulls away, holding your chin to force your gaze into his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, it was so wrong of me. I regret it now, so much.” He curls his lips inwards, and watching him cry is soul-crushing. You should be hating him for leaving you, screaming, crying, but you hate yourself for reaching up to rake through his hair, sliding your hand down to his soft cheek before gently swiping your thumb against it. Wiping off his tears.

“We’ve already forgiven each other, right? It’s okay.” You take deep breaths to calm yourself down. Leaving him behind seems hard enough, but seeing him cry in front of you seems impossible. Are you still in love with him?

“I’m still sorry.” He mutters softly, gazing into your eyes as he takes hold of the hand that rests on his cheek. “I was so horrible to not know that I had you beside me all along, and instead I turned my back at you and left you. It was so wrong of me.” he breaks into tears again, and this time, before you can pull him into a hug, he grabs both your hands in his own. Holding them in between each other. 

Yep, you’re still in love with him.

You look at him, absorbing all his features, and suddenly you’re thrown back to the first time he ever asked you out. It seems all too familiar — all too real. You find yourself holding your breath once again, waiting for what he has to say. He rests his forehead against your grasped hands, sighing brokenly as he speaks up.

“I won’t ask you to accept me again, Y/N.” He says as a matter of fact. He understands that the things that happened may not allow you to let him into your heart again. “I won’t ask you to date me either, because I know what I did isn’t that simple to forgive.”

Chan feels so stupid now. You were there for him all the time, yet he left you for someone else. You were beside him to help him when he felt desolated, but somehow he became a cause for your desolation. It shocks, confuses him and makes him seethe in turmoil.

“But,” he begins, holding his breath. “I still want to try. I wanna try being the person I couldn’t be when I was with you. I-I wanna change and win you back, b-but…”

“But?” You ask mindlessly, totally overwhelmed and dazed out by his honest words, the newfound emotion thrums to your chest. It’s love, for sure. But it isn’t that special kind of love, at least not yet.

“But I wanna do that only if you let me. It’s your choice, Y/N.”

Your eyes widen as you try to grasp his words, noticing how his warm hands holding onto yours still, only grow warmer and tighter. 

“I r-really love you Y/N, a lot. And… well, I know you may not be able to make this decision soon. But please, just give it a thought?”

You shake your head, a soft smile tugging at your lips as you look up into his eyes again. They’re red and puffy by now, but they’re still gorgeous, they still remind you of the time you’d gently kiss over his eyelids whenever he cried like that.

You roll your eyes to the back of your head in deep thought, before tucking your bottom lip under your teeth and nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay…?” He asks, hopeful. You can almost feel his nervousness in the way his palms sweat, but you simply smile.

“We won’t date yet.” You said. “But I’ll allow you into my heart one last time. Don’t break it.”

And at your acceptance, Chan beams, feeling more tears roll down his eyes as he pulls you into a hug. This time, you don’t spare any restraint, wrapping your arms around your waist as you press your cheek against his chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” Chan keeps mumbling and repeating, to which you only shush him gently, telling him it’s okay and he doesn’t have to thank him.

He still does. You only smile to yourself, and for the first time in three months, you feel somewhat at peace. There’s a long way to go — you have to adapt to this relationship, let your heart join back bit by bit and build each other’s confidence again. But you’re certain you can do it together. This story deserved a happy ending, and you were going to give it one, no matter how hard you’d have to try.

“Hey guys!” You hear someone walk through the door, immediately parting away and clearing your throats. 

“Yes?” The both of you say at the same time, tensing up and then laughing at each other. If Chan’s tears were crushing, Chan’s giggles were truly healing. The way his eyes would scrunch up into the cutest crescents and his dimples would make an appearance always made you want to peck his cheeks. Now wasn’t the time though.

“Dinner’s being served, so Y/F/N told you to come downstairs.” The person at the door says, immediately running downstairs, as if to not interrupt your moment any further.

“Alright.” You laugh, taking Chan’s hands in yours as you intertwine your nimble fingers with his long, slender ones. “Let’s go shall we?” You don’t bother picking up the alcohol bottles, because you’ll be coming back here with your friends later anyways — they can be tended to later.

“Of course,” Chan pulls you along with him, running to the door — both the ones that lead to the diner and the ones that signified your new start.

Curse at me all you want, as long as you let it all out, and we can go back to how we were.

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here !

[moonbeamsung]

hey! this has been getting popular recently, so pair your moots with an nct fic trope or/and ship them with nct?? i love your works too!! can't wait for the next one :)) heh

(anon, i’m so sorry this took so long! thanks for your patience! this also kinda turned into association instead of ships but i also base ships on similarities? so it works out hehe)

🎄dear moots: think of these ships/mini fics as a small christmas/holiday/end of the year gift from me to you! i sincerely hope you like them, it’s not much but it’s the least i can do to express my gratitude for all the love and happiness you’ve made me feel this year, even if we’ve just recently met! i’m so thankful for all of you and i love you very much!🎄

hi lovely anon!! <3 omg you love my works? that means so much to me, i hope you’re having a wonderful day!! thank you so much for sending me this, i had been hoping to do something like it for a while🥺

for my closer moots, i’m gonna combine these, so i’ll outline a fic trope/idea and the pairing will be who i ship you with! hopefully this won’t become an essay lol. warning: it does

i don’t want to leave anyone out, so for those of you that i’m not quite as close with or have met more recently, i’ll just give you a ship! i hope that’s okay🥺and if i’m still forgetting someone then i’m really really sorry, please let me know and i’ll make sure to add you next time!

read more cut because this is a looooot. open at your own risk and prepare for many many MANY blocks of text... also these are in alphabetical order by url!!

——ships + fics——

@astroboy-lele: a best friends to lovers au with chenle, no doubt about it. furou is one of my closest friends on here and our conversations are almost always chaotic, but when they aren’t, they’re full of love and appreciation for each other because she deserves it! major chenle vibes, they’re both so adorable too. her humor is great, all the jokes we have together make me absolutely wheeze oml. i really don’t know what i would do without her kindness sometimes, when i want to give up at something she’s so quick to reassure me. furou, thanks for encouraging me and for always being such a strong source of happiness🥺also, i hope you never doubt your amazing talents because they are a gift to this world!! but enough with the super deep stuff because this is way too long, so the plot would go something like this: you met one day when you heard him practicing piano in the band room by himself. you’re both shy at first so it’s a blush fest when he notices you’ve been listening to him play the whole time, but one not-so-awkward introduction later, you realize you have some things in common and that you share a class or two. you come over for study sessions & work together on partner projects, conversations lighthearted and full of endless laughter. in addition, you also show your support for each other’s talents and dreams, with him attending your dance performances and clapping louder than anyone else in the audience, and you attending his recitals, heart swelling with more pride and appreciation than you thought was possible. any time that you spend together usually ends with you asleep on his chest while he taps away at a piano app on his phone because he knows it calms you down, humming softly by your ear. as the sunlight streams in from his window and illuminates your face, he takes one look at you and decides that you’ve become so much more than just a best friend to him after everything you’ve been through together in such a short time. but will he ever find the courage to tell you how he feels?

@danishmiilk: i can’t really explain it, but i just picture late nights walking through city streets in a strangers to lovers au with doyoung by your side. xing-yi has a lot of love to give to others and so much to offer the writing community, and also she’s somewhat of a social butterfly, at least i think so! it makes me so happy seeing her interact with her moots and she always looks out for others! i also imagine that she has a cute bunny smile but also maybe not HAHA anyway i just love xing-yi a lot. here’s the fic: doyoung, the one who always seems to know everything, is forced to ask for directions in a foreign city. shamefully standing on the sidewalk, he stops you mid-step with a small hand gesture, because even though he doesn’t know you at all, you look like you probably won’t walk away or dismiss his questions with a shrug. being as friendly and willing to help as you are, you oblige. with an embarrassed scratch to the back of his neck, he admits that he might forget the sequence of lefts and rights you had given him, but you’re unfazed and simply offer to walk him there yourself, since it isn’t terribly far anyway. doyoung, lightly flustered since he’s not quite sure how to thank you for your trouble and feeling bad for taking the time out of your day, fumbles with asking for your number. he’s cute, you think, and before you part you insist on showing him around the city some more before he leaves, glancing at the sheepish but smitten man over your shoulder with a smile as you turn to walk back home, leaving him eager to see you again.

@daybreakx: my first thought was a hogwarts au with kun! ale’s talent in writing is a beautiful hidden gem on this site, and she truly deserves so much more recognition for it. i’m so grateful for how kind she is and i want the best for her and her work always! also, the love letter network that she created to help more writers receive love, feedback, and appreciation from readers is such a generous and selfless thing to do, it shows that she has such a caring heart! all of these qualities make me think of kun, and i chose a hogwarts au because i think she just writes those especially well and hers are some of my favorites! so for the fic: the fates are definitely not on your side today, because all the friends you made on the train ride to the castle have been sorted into different houses than you, not to mention you have almost no classes with any of them. at the same time, you seem to have every class with this one boy, kun. he’s in hufflepuff, the same house as you, and because you’re always paired up as seatmates, you find yourself warming up to him throughout the year. conversations become easier during projects, you start to have study sessions in the common room when exams come around, and as first-year students, you both love experiencing all the new and exciting things that the school and the magical world has to offer together. now, you couldn’t be happier that you were sorted into hufflepuff, because otherwise you might not have become friends (and maybe more..) with him!

@donkey-hyuck: vy is way more hilarious and talented than others give her credit for, and not to mention the way everyone adores her for always being so loving and showering them with her affection and support😭i’m thinking of a sci-fi au with jeno! she’s just so hardworking with her writing and on her collabs, & i think she’s strong-willed because she always pursues her goals no matter what! she has such a bright personality and also, like jeno’s her smile is just the CUTEST thing ever!!!! i will never be over it istg🥺fic: in a world full of new technology and controlled by a government unwilling to remember the past and all its traditions, a band of rebels come together and take it upon themselves to go back in time and discover what their reality used to look like long ago. one fateful day on their quest to uncover the mystery of the past, they stumble upon you, unaware of their cause but eager to join them. you take after one of the boys particularly well, lee jeno. though he’s assigned the role of warrior, he’s well-rounded and could easily succeed at any task the group may need him to complete. extremely passionate about the group’s goal, the two of you share a dedication that only brings you closer with time, working together and just being complete badasses. when you aren’t navigating through streets full of neon signs and angular buildings, you fall into the rhythm of a relationship. though you may not know much about each other’s pasts yet, one thing’s for sure: you can definitely see a future with one another.

@fairvtale: a soulmate au with jisung! i mean, keia is just the peak of cuteness, love, positivity, and everything sweet and nice!! how could i not ship her with the adorable park jisung himself😭she’s so full of compassion for everyone she meets and is so loved and appreciated for not only her great personality but also her talents! now, in this soulmate universe, you and your soulmate share the same preferences! so when you hear someone standing in line ahead of you at the ice cream shop order your favorite flavor, your heart skips a beat. of course, it’s not the first time it’s happened, but something feels different today. when you see who the voice belongs to, you just know that the tall but also shy boy is meant for you, and being brave, you approach the small two-person table he sits down at, making small talk until you both realize that you have a little too much in common for it to be a coincidence... :D <3

@ferie-anon: i’m picturing a bookstore au with shopkeeper!taeil, you just give off really insightful but also curious vibes!! both you and taeil make me think of wisdom(especially with your astrology knowledge! it amazes me so much omg), and also, you both have hearts of gold🥺💝fic: a new book shop opens up in your town, and eager to find a new story to dive into, you enter one day to find taeil behind the counter with a smile on his face that’s so bright you don’t even notice his smaller but adorable stature. he guides you, his first customer, through the rows of books to find one that interests you. since the store has multiple copies, he finds himself reading the same ones that you buy not only to enjoy them for himself, but also because it allows him to discuss them with you when you come in the next time, eager to hear each other’s thoughts and knowledge. your equal love for learning and discovery makes you a perfect match!

@flirtyhyuck: kitty is a literal ray of sunshine into my life, so who else would i ship him with than haechan? (i know i once said jaemin but shh) he is so encouraging, always makes me smile and my heart burst, i’m really thankful for all the times he checks in on me and i just feel very loved talking to him. he deserves all the love in the world, really and truly. for the au, maybe a strangers to lovers with barista!haechan! your favorite cafe has a new worker that’s attracting all the attention lately. haechan makes the funniest jokes and comments at the register, and everyone asks for him to ring them up just so they can laugh at his sarcasm. but he’s also so attentive to each and every customer, making sure the order is nothing short of perfect and exactly what they wanted. you always sit at one of the bar-style seats as you enjoy your favorite drink, legs dangling from the elevated chair as you watch him bustle about behind the cashier station and among the machines & supplies. one day it’s closing time, he’s cleaning up for the night but he lets you stay a few more minutes, something he wouldn’t do for anyone else. leaning over the marble countertop that your cup rests on, he swipes a fingertip through the whipped cream on top of your drink and lightly taps your nose with it, making you giggle endearingly at the ticklish sensation and giving him the courage to ask you out. with a smile, you agree. ‘sure, but let’s go somewhere other than a coffee shop, please.’

@fruityutas: emily (pt 1 HAHA) seriously cracks me up SO MUCH, not to mention she has one the best laughs i’ve heard and it’s super lovable haha. i don’t know what else to call it but i’d give her a wedding date(?) au with hendery! even when i didn’t know her very well and we had just recently met she was super friendly and inviting. for some reason i feel like hendery would also play the sims lol, anyway! onto the fic: when given the opportunity to bring a ‘plus one’ to a friend’s special day, your other friend hendery swoops in with an arm around your shoulder as you reread the invitation out loud, wondering who to ask. not so subtly, he offers to accompany you, and not wanting to be the only one without a guest, you agree to his proposal (no pun intended). dressed in your best formalwear and with stiffly linked arms, you navigate through the ceremony, only loosening up a bit at the reception. hendery is determined to make you smile with his exaggerated dancing, twirling you and making you more than glad you brought him along. you do get a few comments from other guests on what a ‘cute couple’ you are, leading you both to exchange glances before bursting into laughter. it starts to become less and less implausible, though. you catch hendery’s eye right after you find the bride’s flower bouquet in your grasp, suddenly realizing there could be more between you than you realized...

@jenojam: i was totally not influenced by your preschool series at all haha, but a preschool au with teacher!kun comes to mind! vina is always there for me, she’s so caring and attentive to everything i tell her!! i get mom friend vibes i guess, she’s just so sweet and i feel super loved and cared for whenever we interact, i’m really grateful for her endless support🥺for the fic, kun is a coworker of yours at the preschool you teach at. you both have such a strong passion for teaching and it helps you bond, leading to many days spent side-by-side, fondly watching your students play with their friends at recess or do activities and play games in class. even the small children in your class can see how much wider you smile when you’re in the same room. with the sweetest and most innocent of intentions, shenanigans ensue of your well-meaning but slightly mischievous students trying to get kun to confess to you, whether it be by writing a message in sidewalk chalk or making a bracelet out of craft beads for him to give you.

@jisungsmochi: hm, i’m thinking...a high school/college au with theatre kid!xiaojun🥺i ship nat with xiaojun because she’s just the sweetest, she has a hidden chaotic side (imo lol) and just a great sense of humor as well! she’s so fun to talk to and you can’t help but love her🥺picture this: you’re both in english class together, and one day there’s a mix-up. he accidentally grabs your essay and you end up with his script for the school musical. you have no choice but to go to one of his rehearsals to swap them back, but as you’re standing in the doorway, you’re captivated by his performance! little do you know, he’s absolutely in awe of your writing, even in a simple literature paper. your admiration for each other’s talents leads to you sitting in the back of the theater doing your homework every day after school, listening to his voice ring out across the large room, and he gets a confidence boost knowing you’re there watching him act, dance, and sing. he always winks at you from onstage and you’re beyond starstruck every time, your english paper quickly becoming forgotten as soon as he meets your eyes with a charming smile.

@lebrookestore: well, a royal au with prince!/childhood friend!taeyong comes to mind. brooke is a lot like taeyong because she’s so considerate and generous but also can be very professional and calm when she needs to be! (i think i told you already but you have this ~duality~ in a way, like ty haha.) so..you both grow up in the castle, scampering away from the staff in the large hallways and just enjoying the excitement of life. one day when you’re a bit older, you come across a stranger in the forest as you’re exploring. they turn out to be from the next kingdom over, but something about them is familiar: you’re sure you’ve seen a ‘wanted’ poster with their face plastered on it. you manage to warn taeyong in his ear before you hear the stranger’s footsteps speed up, and you both start sprinting as fast as possible. quickly working together since you know each other so well, you devise a plan to get them caught in a tangle of vines you remember seeing on your way into the forest, so you can bring back reinforcements to arrest the dangerous criminal. it works, but instead of turning to give taeyong a high five in celebration, he’s already in front of you and thanking you for your quick thinking with a hug, suddenly realizing that how much he loves you after seeing your brave and clever side emerge, just two of the many traits that made you win his heart.

@navyhyuck: vee’s name has basically become synonymous with happiness at this point, hearing from her in my inbox/messages or seeing a post/work of hers on my dash is so comforting and makes me smile more than she knows. since she’s the epitome of sweetness, i’ll say a bakery au with jaemin! i really appreciate knowing someone like her, and the encouragement she gives me is so heartwarming🥺the way she sends asks in the mornings makes me feel so ridiculously loved and at ease, her presence in itself is a gift to this site. tumblr really doesn’t deserve her!! i’m so happy that we’ve grown close and i don’t know what i would do without her and her kindness in my life. fic: you sign up for a baking class at a quaint, local pastry shop to learn how to make desserts and treats, since baking was a hobby you had enjoyed as a child with your family and now you hoped to learn how to do it on your own. little did you know that your instructor would be even more saccharine than the sugary treats you were making. his flirtatious nature leads to many mishaps in the kitchen as you get distracted while trying to follow along with the simple directions, instead making a mess of the icing and sprinkles and nearly confusing the measurements of ingredients. he finds it adorable, though, and towards the end of the session he sneaks a bite of one of the french macarons you put together, a bright smile lighting up his features as he compliments you on it. he teases you by reminding you to pay more attention next time, and with a comeback so quick that even you’re surprised, you take him up on that offer, implying that you’d be back for another class soon. “good. we’re making crème brûlée next week,” he informs with a wink as you both part ways. boy, was he sweeter than sugar.

@orange-nimon-cross: yunha deserves someone who knows the true her and has always been by her side, so i’d say a neighbor/boy next door au with winwin/sicheng. her personality is unique and complex like sicheng’s, and like him i also admire her for lots of reasons, such as her honesty and the pride she takes in writing as well as her passion for it in general. she’s very sweet, so supportive whenever i need it, and deserves so much more recognition for her beautiful work!!💕fic: your neighborhood holds a classic and oh-so-cliche summer block party every year, the smell of smoke and sounds of laughter moving through the air and into your open window. when a bad day gets you down and you hesitate to join in the festivities, sicheng is the only one who can get through to you, not forcing you to talk about anything and just sitting beside you on your bed in silence, which seems to be the most comforting thing anyone can do at the moment. when you tell him you’re ready(which he asks you to confirm many times, because that’s just how much he cares about you and wants you to be fully comfortable and okay), he takes your hand and leads you outside and onto the burning asphalt of the street with other friends and families, the blissful feeling of summer putting you at ease and the gentle evening breeze carrying away your cares with it. and like a springtime flower, although one season late, your relationship begins to blossom into one full of even more love and consideration for each other than it was before.

@radiorenjun: a doctor au with renjun! angie is slightly (okay, very) chaotic but also very lovable!! i don’t know if she’s an aries but she gives off serious aries energy. she’s confident and optimistic and really approachable! i’m so happy she reached out to me one day and we became friends from there🥺in the fic, renjun is a resident at your hospital studying under you and learning the ropes of being a doctor. when you first met each other, you actually mistook him for a coworker with how professional he seemed, but the confusion made a small, adorable blush rise to his cheeks. shy and timid at first, he takes notes and helps you do your job without complaint. when you offer part of your routine to him, he gratefully accepts and does the task perfectly, growing more comfortable in his position and relationship with you as he receives more opportunities to show his skill. sharing stories and experiences from medical school on your lunch breaks and smiling when you finish each other’s sentences about patients and their prescribed care, you realize that you’ve fallen for the soon-to-be doctor, and that no stethoscope could possibly measure the beating of your heart around him.

@rouiyan: so you know how you said you were excited for my wip that’s a strangers to lovers au with animal shelter worker!jeno? that’s what this is(loosely anyway)!!🥺ree reminds me of jeno in the fact that she’s such a sweetheart in every interaction with anyone, it feels like you’ve been her friend for ages! and then you look at her writing that’s just so damn good and sophisticated and i’m always so amazed with everything she puts out, just like how jeno’s talents amaze me as well! now for the fic: your beloved dog runs off in the park, but luckily a boy walking nearby lunges for the leash as it drags behind the animal. you thank him repeatedly, and he explains that the little puppy might have tried to leave your grasp only because she wants to make a new friend. the park is full of other dogs, after all. he mentions that he works at the shelter nearby and suggests that maybe you should adopt a second one to keep her company. not seeing any reason why you shouldn’t, you meet him the next day and spend time together picking out a new puppy. many more days are spent giving the fluffy little animals lots of pets and scratches behind the ears, and playing with them. you’re not sure what’s cuter: the dogs, or jeno’s eye smile.

@ru-lin: (the fic was kinda inspired by what you told me about your job in our messages the other day hehe) i’d say a christmas au with mark! ruth is so considerate and a pleasure to talk to, we actually have a lot in common! she’s very warm and caring and always looking out for others. i can tell she really values her friends and they’re so lucky to have her, she’s just so sweet all around! talking to her makes my day a lot brighter whenever we interact🥺fic: during the holidays you always work at a christmas market, helping customers pick out pretty much anything they could ever want that’s associated with the chilly month and all its festivities. when a shy boy that’s adorably awkward and clumsy stumbles into the shopping area, you bite back a small laugh at his endearing hesitation to ask for assistance. speaking up first, you ask if there’s anything he needs and he explains that he’s looking for the perfect tree. with a knowing smile, you lead him down the rows of tall pines and firs and any kind of christmas tree you could possibly imagine. when his eyes land on one that he likes, his eyes light up with excitement, and you help him load it into his car. as mark is halfway home he curses, realizing he forgot to pick up a wreath as well. he knows it’ll earn him a playful scolding from his group of friends, but if it means another chance to return to the market and see you, it’s worth it.

@rvse-hvvck: i feel like i ship so many people with jaemin but it’s just because they’re so especially full of kindness and love for others, and ana is no exception! i’d give her a matchmaker au with jaemin! ana is so incredibly selfless and her heart is so compassionate, it’s crazy. i really look up to her in a lot of ways! the first impression she made on me was already a great one because i saw so many writers receiving her beautiful love letters, and from that moment alone i could already tell how much she strives to be kind and generous in everything she says and does. i hope she knows how much everyone truly adores her and is grateful for her, because she really makes the world a better and brighter place. (if you’ve seen the movie clueless i guess this fic is sorta similar!) so, you’re the resident expert on relationships among your school community, always trying to pair up people with similar interests or that have a lot of chemistry together. it brings you joy because you love seeing your friends laughing and smiling with their partners, but you feel a twinge of sadness at the same time. when jaemin, the boy you’ve liked for a while, comes to you for advice, you push down your feelings for him and send him on dates with anyone you can think of. the whole time though, he’s only had his eyes on you. he has always admired your altruism and your dedication to making others happy. it hurts him to see that you’re not even giving yourself a chance, so with a simple but heartfelt confession in the school parking lot at sunset, he helps you realize that you deserve a love like you’ve helped so many others find.

@sly-merlin: talking to simmi is always something very healing (like yuta’s smile hehe) so i’d definitely give her a secret agent/spy au with partner!yuta! she is so friendly to anyone and everyone, she gives off this warm and loving vibe like that of an old friend🥺she’s also extremely dedicated to her studies and works so hard. everyone adores her, and seeing her talk about things that make her happy is just the cutest thing ever! simmi, you truly have everyone’s heart!! now for the fic: you and yuta are both spies, partnered up for a very important and serious mission. only problem is, he’s never been the serious type. he teases you for being so uptight, but you genuinely don’t know any other way to approach a mission. along the way though, he manages to teach you how to have a little fun with your job, even if it means lots of close calls and sticky situations that force you both to begrudgingly (well, you more so than him) pretend you’re an oblivious couple in order to escape suspicious eyes. eventually, you find yourself becoming less and less unwilling to throw a casual arm around his shoulder, even when you aren’t at risk of being caught on your mission. maybe he isn’t so bad after all... :)

@suhpressed: a strangers to lovers au with theatre usher!johnny. so you know how johnny’s like an older brother to mark? i get major comforting and warm big sis vibes from elaida!! i would ship her with johnny because they’re both such selfless and caring people! she’s not afraid to speak her mind, and she always looks out for others with kindness and encouragement! as for the fic: you’re finally attending a broadway show you’ve been dying to see since, well, forever. this really cute usher helps you find your seat, but in a rare stroke of clumsiness, he bumps someone with a glass of wine in their hand that ends up staining your blouse a dark red. like the gentleman johnny (you can see it on his nametag) is, he promises to buy you a new one, and writes his phone number on the show’s program. you enjoy the musical, but the digits scribbled down next to the performers’ names prove to be more distracting than you anticipated. throughout the show you’re really jittery, excited to get back home so you can text him. in addition to replacing your ruined shirt, he also invites you out for coffee over the phone, you agree, and you both hit it off. the rest is history! the way that you met becomes a favorite story among your friends and families, & they never miss a chance to tease you two about spilling drinks.

@tyongxnct: elida, where do i begin🥺right away, i think of an idol au with taeyong. she is just so caring and supportive, she likes or comments on my posts and can make me smile with just a few words!! i remember one time that she said she was lucky to have me as a moot and it really warmed my heart, i’m so so lucky to have her too! i can tell she’s passionate about writing and that it brings her so much joy! i wish her only the best in life always <3 in the fic: during a tour, nct 127 stops in your country for a few nights of concerts, and in the midst of the excitement on the way back from the venue, taeyong gets separated from the rest. in an unfamiliar environment, he begins to panic as he remembers that he left his phone on the tour bus and has no way to contact his manager or fellow members. you, while familiar with and respectful of the group but not an avid follower of their music, catch sight of the lost and more than frazzled man as he frantically paces along the sidewalk, trying to recall his surroundings when he exited the bus hours ago. had it not been for your observant gaze, you may have missed the small group logo on his white shirt, letting you know who he was. determined to ease his obvious nerves by helping him find his way back, you lend a hand by approaching him and asking what he remembers. despite only being given a few details, you know the area he describes, quickly leading him there and reuniting him with the rest of the group. more than grateful, he offers you a ticket to the last show there, and hopes that it won’t be the last time he sees you.

@yo-ddream: a childhood best friends to lovers au with jungwoo! emily (pt 2/granny okay sorry i’m done) also feels like somewhat of an older sister to me, she gives great advice and always seems to have a story to tell from her working adventures lol. she’s very witty and extremely kind!! i guess i get jungwoo vibes because at first she seems quiet, but once you get to know her and she opens up a bit you see her fun personality and humor shine through when you talk to her :) she’s also honest about what she thinks and doesn’t sugarcoat it, something that’s very much needed in a person! okay, onto the fic: you and jungwoo grew up in the same neighborhood, going to the same school, getting your first part-time jobs at same store a few blocks down from your street. your lives have been intertwined from the start, but when a family matter pops up, it threatens his place by your side in almost everything you do and puts your friendship and undisclosed feelings for each other at risk. both working up the courage to confess as time ticks down and it gets closer to the day he’s meant to move away, you spend every moment with each other enjoying life’s little moments, the simple things like watching the sunset on a park bench or taking a walk down the sidewalk of the town shopping center. in an extremely convenient stroke of luck, he gets word that things have been sorted out, and the move is off. in both of your delight at the news, you feel like nothing can stop you. you blurt out the same three words at the same time before launching your arms around one another. if it’s you and jungwoo against the world, so be it, because not even the universe had the heart to separate the bond between you.

@zzzzzcakes: zel🥺she’s always been super supportive of me and my work, i’m happy she left feedback on a fic of mine because i might not have reached out to express my gratitude for her words and gotten to know her otherwise! she’s very kind and positive, and seeing her posts and reblogs make me laugh all the time :D i’d say a grocery store au with sungchan. (hear me out i know you must be going ‘huh?’ but trust me on this one! in that recent post you made you said something about shopping carts, and it made me think...see where this is going? haha ANYWAY!) so sungchan is the newest employee at the supermarket where you work. he’s the go-to person to call when someone can’t reach an item on one of the highest shelves, earning bewildered stares from customers and coworkers alike. he always has a joke up his sleeve or a clever remark to make about the many challenges of working in retail. you take a liking to him for how down-to-earth he is and despite all the occasional sarcasm coming from him when you’re both in the break room, he’s very helpful whenever he’s needed. he also admires how focused you are on the job, ringing up endless items and bagging groceries until your hands hurt. whenever he strides down an aisle near the register you’re working at that day, he doesn’t hesitate to send a wave and an endearing grin your way. it’s the moments like that with him that get you through your shift and keep you going. it’s no surprise when you reveal to the rest of the staff that you’re dating. of course, the perks of being employees mean that you can spend many late nights racing each other in shopping carts at the back of the store near closing time and other mischievous activities of the sort, laughing when your manager scolds you over the loudspeaker system without a care in the world.

——ships——

@badwithten: zoe is someone full of both humor and heart, a combination that immediately reminds me of lucas, so i’d 100% ship her with him! she’s given me really good advice and encouragement to stay true to myself, something i can also see lucas doing, and i’m very grateful for her wise words :) and like i said, her heart is full of love and she’s so kind to everyone!

@bucchinct: i’m not sure if we’ve ever interacted, but i always see your posts on my dash and you reblog so many artistic and pretty things/pictures, which makes me think of jaemin and his hobby of photography! so i would ship you with him ^_^

@du0tine: i’d ship solange with ten, for a number of reasons! one, the fact that she mountain climbs for a living and is so dedicated to/passionate about it is something extremely admirable and amazing, so she comes across as very brave and adventurous! also, she’s not afraid to tell others her opinions and that honesty is really refreshing to see! and her blog themes are super artistic which reminds me of ten as well. she just seems like a great person in general and i hope to get to know her more!

@ethaeriyeol: i haven’t really talked to bea much, but i know she is good friends with a few of my other moots so i think that says something about the kind of person she is! i would ship her with jaehyun, she seems really professional (and lowkey intimidating but you didn’t hear it from me) but also very sweet and welcoming and i imagine they both have the cutest smiles, with or without dimples, hehe.

@euphoricdreamies: i’d ship maddy with chenle! she has such a great sense of humor and it’s so much fun to read about her oc’s, i love keeping up with the plots! i’ve followed her for a while but we just recently started talking, she’s very friendly🥺maddy’s just been nothing but nice to me, and i feel like she has a sarcastic and witty side. also, she deserves so much more recognition for her talent and i think everyone deserves to read her amazing work!

@felixn-recs: it’s been a while since i talked to you, but i’m really thankful that you left some of the first feedback i ever received on my writing! i know for a fact that authors really appreciate you and the kind feedback/support that you show their works. this eagerness to show writers your encouragement and praise makes me think of mark for sure, so i would ship you with him!

@fullsuhnny: angelina seems like the type to be somewhat reserved, but still very generous and selfless towards others, reminding me of kun! when she interacts with people she’s humble and sweet, and i enjoy seeing her reblogs pop up on my dash. i think she’s a wonderful friend to everyone and i hope to become closer with her in the future! also, her blog theme is so cool and aesthetic hehe :D

@gowonhatesyou: renjun all the way, krystal always makes me and others laugh so much with her humor and her entertaining personality. but at the same time, while she can be chaotic and sarcastic, she’s also extremely loving and sociable. i can tell she cares a lot about those around her and wants only the best for them! i really value her friendship🥺

@heartyyjeno: i’d ship alesha with jaemin, she’s so much like him to me. first of all, because she would do anything to make her friends smile or brighten their day! she has a warm personality that makes others feel very loved. she’s also very determined and perseverant, because when things get tough she doesn’t give up and continues to pursue her dreams and do what she loves, even when it may be difficult. i’m positive that everyone she knows appreciates having her and her endless kindness in their life! <3

@injunified: nathalie is really sweet and generous, and i’m really happy that she’s started posting more of her works recently, they definitely deserve all the recognition that they’re getting and more!! i don’t know her super well but she’s a great friend to have, so I’d ship her with winwin/sicheng! i hope she can continue writing because she definitely has a lot of talent for it🥺

@jaeminscoffee: lyra is very warm, friendly, and she was eager to get to know me when we first met, so i would ship her with johnny! i really enjoy talking to her, and she’s also very down-to-earth! she never hesitates to show her appreciation for her friends and followers, and i really look up to her for it🥺

@lovelygalaxy333: lilly is so so lovable and sweet, i would definitely ship her with shotaro! my heart literally threatens to explode whenever i talk to her, and she reblogs the cutest, kindest things! like shotaro, i just wanna protect her because she’s such a special soul and also very positive! even if she just sends a simple ‘hello’ in my inbox from time to time, it puts the biggest smile on my face and i’m so grateful for her!

@meraki-mark: li is very humble and friendly, so i would ship her with xiaojun! she also seems somewhat quiet and calm to me, i was almost intimidated when we first interacted haha. something i admire about her is that i believe she’s the kind of person to truly be dedicated to writing what she wants and not just for the sake of notes! that kind of commitment is really nice to see :)

@minyusa: whenever i see miku on my dash, she always seems to be showing her support for a work or conversing with a friend. she’s there to lend some encouragement and sweet words to those that need it! her good-nature and pure thoughtfulness reminds me of jeno. she’s so nice to talk to and deserves love, no questions asked! you’re a very genuine and warm-hearted person, so i’d ship you with him~ （＾ν＾）

@moonlightjeno: we don’t know each other very well but just from looking at luna’s writing, i think the types of fics and aus she writes are very diverse and unique! her well-rounded work makes me think of haechan, so i’ll ship her with him! i believe we have some of the same moots so she seems very kind and social as well!

@neonun-au: okay, maybe it’s because ‘multitudes’ has been on my mind ever since i read it but my first thought was to ship mads with taeil! her writing is so elegant and beautiful, i’m so glad her work gets all the recognition that it does! as silly as it sounds for me to say, even her sh*tposts seem sophisticated for some reason hahaha. she’s just so sweet, talented and always so gracious!

@peachjaem00: lou comes across as very laidback and charming, two things that remind me of yangyang! she’s a pleasure to interact with, and i feel like she has a lot of friends, i mean, who wouldn’t want someone like her in their life? she’s such a supportive and inviting person by nature, and i can tell she works hard and puts so much effort into her writing because it’s so good!!

@prettyjaems: i believe i said it once before so pardon the repetition, but whenever i interact with mona i feel loved and cared for like nobody’s business😭which immediately makes jaemin come to mind. she doesn’t hesitate to show kindness to anyone and everyone, but also has a quiet and focused side at times, and i think as a person, she has so many great qualities that balance out and make up her considerate personality! she’s also really motivated and organized with her writing, i hope to learn a thing or two from those work habits of hers :)

@rueyins: one fateful day when i was craving some good old interaction, rue reached out to me just to say hello and ask how i was doing, something that makes me think of taeyong! i really love how caring she is towards everyone she knows, and also her music taste is great, which also makes me think of taeyong, haha🥺the way she looks out for others is such a special quality to have, i’m so glad we’ve become friends!!

@vitamarkie: i would ship kay with mark! i see her interact with her moots a lot, and she just seems very loved all around by everyone that knows her! also, she writes the softest, prettiest, fluffiest stories, and for some reason i think of the fact that mark once said he wanted be an author when he grew up. her skills are seriously amazing and, just like i admire mark for his talent, i admire kay a lot for hers!

@whathamelon: hmm you have a good sense of humor and also seem very friendly because we have some of the same moots! you’re also not shy about showing appreciation to your favorite fics and authors, so i would ship you with johnny!

@yunwoo: i feel like anna is on the soft-spoken, quieter side but still very very sweet, so i would ship her with jisung! she’s really lovable and so comforting to talk to, even though we don’t know each other too well yet. just from her blog she seems so adorable and i want to hug her and talk to her more🥺also her aesthetic is the softest thing EVER i love it so much!!😭

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[tehohaews]

Hello unfamiliar person, questions: 7, 12, & 23. Also 34 (👀)

I can't believe they have wifi in turbo hell too 😩😩

7. Which character you’d like to be friends with

Tian and not because he's so pretty, okay that too but hear me out. I think I can be supportive and give good advice sometimes SO I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM THAT HE IS WORTHY AND THAT HE IS ENOUGH, is that too much to ask for 😩. Other than Tian I feel like I'd get along with Tul very well too. We both have the same chaotic vibes djdjjdjd

12.Favorite Phutian moment (Or the moment that made you SCREAM saying they invented love)

I'll change the answer in other asks just because i CAN jdjdjdj but for now I'm thinking it's the pinky touching under the blanket in ep3. That was the exact moment that made me fall for this show. I've said this before ig but I dont watch a lot of shows and I'm very very selective before watching anything. So when i first started watching atots (i waited until ep3 was out and then binge watched them) I already liked it from the opening line "I always thought that life was like a game". But that pibky touching scene was the EXACT moment that made me go this is it! This is the love of my life now. And I remember replaying that part and crying for 3/4 hours straight 😩😩 I even cried when I was binge watching the eps before ep9.

23.The moment you hated the most

Cheating Nam 😩 Basically that WHOLE bar scene. It was so unnecessary and I hated every second of it.

34.Who is someone you got to know because of the show or someone whose posts/works you enjoyed seeing in the tags

Jdjdjdjdj I literally included this question for me. I wanted to show some love and appreciation so this was an excuse to do it. Oh boy this is gonna be long.

@phapundao Do I know you? 🧐 Why is your name here? Jdjdjdj Okay I'm gonna "try" and be nice but no promises 😩. Nuria, we were actually mutuals for a long time and you were one of my favorite persons in the 2g circus. Even after the hype died down, I knew I could always count on you to keep 2g alive in the dash and I really did (and still do) appreciate all your lovely content. I'm glad we got closer in this atots circus cause it wouldn’t have been this much for without you. Even though I bully you,block you,yeet you on a daily basis I really do love you and your evil,overthinking and phupha simping brain and I wouldn’t trade it for the world 💕💕 okay yuck this is too cheesy have fun in ppd river can't say I'll miss you and your evil ass 🥱🥱

@billkinsdancing Wanna know a secret? I actually wanted to be friends with you ever since I noticed us becoming mutuals cause you seemed chaotic LIKE ME and then you sent me that tuty homophobic ask and the rest is history dkkdkdk Thank you for starting the protection squid and being the 2nd most chaotic person (next to me ofc). I love your rambles and your clownery and I will never forget us screaming in eo's asks after an ep quoting phutian 24/7. Thank you for existing and being your chaotic self 💕 I hope one day you'll get your tagging right 🥴

@atotsphutian LARA 😭😭😭 THE LITERAL LOVE OF MY LIFE 😭😭 I'm not lying when I say that you’re the sunshine of the fandom. THANK YOU SM FOR YOUR SMILING tian and phupha content,your torfun content and happy phutian sets!! On behalf of the yeeters, I'm sorry to have you make up for all the angst with happy sets djdjkdj BUT I KNOW THAT I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO MAKE ME SMILE. I'm really really really grateful to have gotten to know you because of atots cause you’re literally the kindest and sweetest person ever!!

@kaonoppakao SAM I'm gonna miss your atots bingos so so much. I always looked forward to them ever since you started and I appreciate you sending them to me,they really made my day. Even though you're now no.1 on the yeet list after you started making more angsty sets to get away from me in ppd bottom 😩 I appreciate all your content, your parallels, sometimes crack and memes. I'll miss talking about predictions with you too 🥺. Ily thank you for everything 💖💖

@serannes (was tempted to tag the dragon blog just so you didnt have to see this 🙄) ELLIS you art thief 😤 jk jk still can't believe that was how we first interacted dkkdkdkd I had a lot of fun terrorizing everyone with our yeet party and I'm glad to get to know you bcuz of atots. Thank you for your lovely content and for being your chaotic evil self. But most importantly thank you for introducing us to dreaz14 even tho they eloped with sakda 😩😩

@systoles-lfc Nads!! I've said this before but I appreciate each and every one of your metas,analysis™,theories, memes and even sad horny phutian posts!! Ily this fandom wouldn’t have been this much fun wo you!! Thank you for everything 💖

@sexyglances MARIA The real crackhead of the fandom!! I had the time of my life reading your metas,your tags AND YOUR MEMES OH GAWDD THE MEMES. Thank you for always taking the time to send me your atots bingos too and clown me in my inbox rdghdddtgg You made this 10 times more fun for me and I'm so grateful you exist 💖💖

@mixxiw FANZY!! Quan said you were a mix fansite and WHERE IS THE LIE!! Thank you for all your updates and content! I really really really appreciate them. You're a blessing to this site 💖

@faandomcentral I associate you with cats more than I associate you with atots but I love you and yes our souls are made of the same thing whatever that is (insult)

@tianphu KIT!!! Love all your content and I hope we can continue to be friends and bond over our shared love for both 2g and atots!!

@thebadmoonsrising hello i love you and your fics even tho I've said this a million times already jsjdkdkd

@viriyanon-guntithanon i love your metas!! I loved seeing them everytime after an ep when i went to the tags. Thank you so much for those 💖💖💖

@nct-oli ik we've been mutuals for like 17 hours but I love you with all my heart and I'm gonna miss reading your metas SO SO SO MUCH. They were one of my favorite things in the atots tag

Also @seetian (my url twin) and @ionlydidthisforatots aside from the fact that you two have the best urls here djjdjdj i love your blogs 💖💖💖 they're wonderful 💖💖💖

Also shoutout to every single content creator who I'm not gonna name cause I'm shy™. I appreciate each and every one of your content, thank you so much for sharing them with us.

[moonchild1]

check in tag ✨

Thank you for tagging me @myghobi this is my first time doing this so I'm a little excited 😄

1. Why did you choose your url?

oh no not the url honestly it's in limbo right now I just chose the first thing I could think of cause I'm still deciding on one and I want to change it every day but my mind in blank so until my creative juices flow I'm stuck with that one

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them name them and why you have them?

Unfortunately no I can barely manage the one I already own I can't imagine having handling more

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

about 10 months I think

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but I'm curious about it so maybe when I post another list I'll use it

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Hmmm well at first I just made the account to keep up with the fics I was reading then it became sorta like a safe place to be myself in some way so I actually made the account into something so I could post and interact with the writers and then I wanted to keep track of all the fics I've read on this app which lead me to making fic rec lists and I think people enjoyed them so I just made more and that's how my blog was born but I'm still learning how to do things and I want to improve certain things on my page seeing as I'm still finding my way here so watch this space cause I might change the whole thing up and show you a completely different side.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

If I haven't made it known I'm jungkook biased so it's gotta be him 🤭 and I like the vibe of that picture

7. Why did you choose your header?

moonchild = moon you see where I went with it (oh I'm also emotionally attached to mono so it's a given)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

uhmmm I think it's my very first fic rec list and I was so nervous about posting it

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I don't think I have any... well I have a few people I talk too and who are really sweet and sooo nice but I'm not sure if we're mutuals I would never know and would it be weird to ask that?? sorry I'm so awkward but if we are mutuals I'm sorry just send me a message saying we are mutuals dummy😂 I would love to have mutuals though so let's me mutuals I'm here send me messages send me asks if you want to be my mutual or just to talk 😚 I won't bite and I will answer I'm not that bad I promise 🥺🥺

10. How many followers do you have?

I think over 200

11. How many people do you follow?

woah trust me you don't want to know I'm not even sure I know 😂 but it's ALOT

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I have no idea what that is but it sounds bad 😳😳 ✨ educate me oh wise tumblr people✨

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

each day *voice cracks* uhmmm I would say the normal amount you know like definitely a normal amount of times like it's probably a very normal amount so my final answer is a normal amount of times

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

No I have never and I hope I never do conflict isn't for me

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I haven't come across any like that

16. Do you like tag games?

seeing as this is my first one and I enjoying it I'm going to go ahead and say yes ☺️

17. Do you like ask games?

I would love them 🥺🥺 but I've never been a part of it so let me put it out there that I'm down for ask games 😁

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I won't name names but I think a few of them are definitely tumblr famous and they are famous in my eyes I'm like they know I exist cue the screams 😂

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

so after all the questions on mutuals you just throw this one in I see what you're doing sneaky 😏 and now you probably want an answer don't you...ask me again later and maybe I'll tell you

20. Tags?

I have no idea who I should tag so I'm sorry for tagging you can just ignore this if you don't want to do it and please don't hate me for tagging you 🖤🖤🖤🖤✨✨✨

@purplehearts1996 @writemywaytoyourheart @radlovedreamer @btsismybias22 @wearenot7withu @swcetnight

[ayyyez]

Oki oki so for the matchup I’m thinking Katsuki Bakugo🥰 Some of my hobbies are reading/writing/sports/music! I love savory food, hanging out with friends and Katsuki’s passionate personality like his drive/ambition is awesome I hate studying lmfao and overly loud places. I’m usually pretty calm but when I’m pushed I can have a pretty bad temper. I’m claustrophobic🥴 and I’m Bi! Ty Ez❤️❤️

I love your url now Zaire ehe it’s great ❤️

Bakugou

This has a big rivals to lovers vibe. Can see the two of you butting head if you can have a temper when pushed. A fun little rivalry where he starts to think okay maybe you aren’t an extra? 

Bonding over food. When I say bonding I mean you request for him to make something for you and after complaining for 5 minutes he actually makes it for you? Has a sweet spot for you but hates it at the same time. 

Is always hounding you to study. “HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GRADUATE?” and if you’re casual about it then it will make him madder lmao. Forces you to study with him or at least look at his notes to work it out. Complains about it the whole time but if you stroke his ego a bit he mellows. 

Always wants to know what you are reading. Asks you a million questions about it. Won’t actually read the book its just his way of finding more out about you. He doesn’t really like loud places either so likes hanging out with you alone. 

Is really good at distracting you when you get into a situation when you feel claustrophobic. Will just talk and talk to keep you distracted while he gets you out of the situation. He’s really considerate too and checks on you if are in these situations. He’s actually a big softie but doesn’t want anyone to know. 

You have to be the calm one a lot of the time to talk him down. You kind of sooth him anyway so it works out. Becoming known and Bakugou’s impulse control (Thanks Kirishima lol) and supporting his drives and passion is the things that REALLY makes him fall for you. 

Supports your sports. Tells you to train hard and get better. Always pushing you (in a good way) to be better than you were yesterday. Also supports you by telling you to go to bed early and rest. If you don’t eat he cooks something for you and makes you eat. He becomes like a mum friend, making sure you are happy and healthy. 

Just being loving and supportive couple and growing together everyday! 

[alghulnyssa]

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

tagged by @fouralarm-fire thank you 🤗🤗

not me answering these on the register at work but its fiiine there’s no one in the store atm

- nickname: always have been flop

- pronouns: she/her

okay people did just come into the store 

couple balsamic vinegars later 

- star sign: virgo

- height: 165cm

- time currently: 3:06 pm

- when is your birthday: august 29th 

- favorite bands/groups: oh god uh the only time i ever had a favourite band it was one direction but that was some time ago

- favorite solo artists: oH melise - she has one song so it totally counts

- song stuck in your head: torn by natalie imbruglia and this one 1D audition sue me 

- last movie watched: 13 going on 30 always a good choice 

- last show you binged: ncis and shadow&bone at the same time 

- when you created your blog: hhmm i made it around late 2015 and started actually using it when legends started airing 

- last thing you googled: the “fuck go back” meme bc my friend needed to hear it kfldjdkfjs

- other blogs: uh years ago i made a blog called something like @flooops just in case my irls asked for my user but i never used it 

- why you chose your url: probably bc nyssa al ghul has been my all time favourite character ever since i was like fourteen years old

- do you get asks: occasionally

- how many people are you following: 220

- how many followers do you have: 310

- average hours of sleep: i try 8 

- lucky number: 6 and 96 no idea why 

- instruments: i used to play the flute when i was a kid but i was....... not good at it 

- what I’m currently wearing: jeans, a black t shirt and a grey apron from work

- dream job: no idea but id love to like have my own store or work at a small company that makes like idk stationary or something like that 

- dream trip: i really wanna go to new york someday and i wanna go back to scotland 

- favorite food: always so broad but i guess ill just go basic with pizza 

- favorite song: god i dont know ive just been saying for the first time by the script for years 

- top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: only hypothetically bc let’s be honest i would probably die but i would love to have superpowers so the dctv universe (double bonus if i get to time travel too), the shannara chronicles universe bc i do love the whole post apocalyptic-extinct-society vibe. annnnd hm i think im gonna go for the tvd universe i mean im still gen z and vampires are kinda cool okay

TAGGING: i don’t know 20 people @bisexualsam  @sweetsouldhavernas @waydekinsella @danielsousa @kateemcgrath and always for the commitment @deanswhoree :) if you do it ill be nice for 24- no thats too long 12 whole hours 

[pinkcadillaccas]

I was tagged by @starryeyedcastiel to answer some get to know me questions and tag 20 people I'd like to know better! (unfortunately I only have like two mutuals who I talk to and you're one of them so I'll just tag them ;-;), tysm <333

- nickname: I suppose Al kind of is a nickname (my full name is much longer) but I also sometimes go by Beez. Also my friends call me any name that starts with Al, like Algernon or Alejandro just because???

- pronouns: they/them, he/him and also I'm trialling the pronoun iel in French

- star sign: Sagittarius

- height: 5' 3 ish

- time currently: 15:36

- when is your birthday: 8th of December

- favorite bands/groups: Queen, The Beatles, Pulp, Suede, T rex, Pink Floyd

- favorite solo artists: Elton John, David Bowie, Bruch Springsteen

- song stuck in your head: I don't actually have one right now!

- last movie watched: Chill out scooby doo

- last show you binged: Supernatural (last one I finished)

- when you created your blog: 2016 (this isn't my first Tumblr account though I made one end of 2014 and just didn't use it)

- last thing you googled: practice drawing for hands (I don't Google very coherently apparently)

- other blogs: @the-gang-gets-gay @britpop-bowie @merlin--morgan @fredjones-apologist

- why you chose your url: This blog started to become more doctor who based again after I changed to my last URL so I wanted something simple that wasn't too overt, this worked!

- do you get asks: sometimes, I like getting them I kind of wish I got more

- how many people are you following: 960, I tend to just follow anyone and everyone and only unfollow if I see something I really don't like

- how many followers do you have: 416

- average hours of sleep: around 6, 5 if I stay up too late and 10 if it's sunday

- lucky number: 2!

- instruments: guitar (electric, acoustic, bass), ukulele and basic piano and drums

- what I'm currently wearing: brown cords and a pink tee

- dream job: Academic or market gardener

- dream trip: France or Italy, especially staying in the countryside around a city (Lyon is my favourite). I find European history really interesting!

- favorite food: sushi! (Vegan)

- favorite song: uhh I'm not sure, right now I'm still vibing with Rich Girl by Hall and Oates and Women and Wives by Paul McCartney

- top three fictional universes you'd like to live in: Doctor who universe as a whole, anything could be going on it seems very fun (although I've probably been killed by a dalek by now), Star Trek because duh and I think that's probably it I certainly wouldn't like to love in Supernatural or star wars.

I tag @macsboys and @fandom-star :)

[ghstandpucks]

Misguided Ghost Ch.4

A.N: So my story just went to #9 on the Zak Bagans tag on Wattpad! I’m so excited I had to share! Also.. if anyone knows how to like the chapters onto a story without putting the whole url, I would be appreciative of the help! I hope you all are staying safe and healthy! Enjoy!

Ch.3: https://ghstadventuresgrl.tumblr.com/post/622599346097160192/misguided-ghost-ch3

Truce

           I walked into the office Friday morning feeling more comfortable than I had the day before. Sure it was only my second day on the job, but Zak seemed a little more accepting of me toward the end of the day so I figured I was off to a good start. Aaron’s office was still empty, but Nick had his door open. “Good morning Nick,” I smiled as I walked past his office.  

           “Morning Y/N. Hey, come here a second.” I walked into his office tentatively. Nick looked away from his computer screen and smiled gently up at me. “Zak showed me the research you did yesterday. I have to say, I was impressed at what you found for those places and how much you got through.” I smiled and looked down, a bit embarrassed by the praise.

           “Thanks. I’m glad that it was what you guys wanted,” I responded. Nick chuckled.

           “That and more.” He went back to his computer screen and I took that as my que to leave his office. I walked back to where mine and Zak’s offices were. His door was shut and I frowned slightly. Why was I disappointed to not see him?

I opened my door and started setting up. I had grabbed some of my mythology books that I had from school and put them on my bookshelf. I had also ordered a white board and cork board that should be at the office later today so I could hang some things up and write down info about upcoming lock downs. In other words, I had to be organized or I would lose my shit. I had also brought in a few picture frames to set on my desk. I had one of my family at Disneyland, one of my two best friends and I at our undergraduate graduation with our cap and gowns, and another of the three of us that showed us all laughing standing on top of a couch in some random San Diego club when we all turned 21. I had handed my phone off to some random person that had gotten us into the VIP section and free drinks. Girls just want to have fun right? I was standing with my back to the door reminiscing about how fun that evening was when there was a knock on my door. I jumped slightly and turned around, smiling when I saw it was Zak and Aaron. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” Aaron chuckled as he walked into my office.

           “It’s fine. I was in my own little world for a second,” I explained. Zak walked in behind Aaron and handed me a Starbucks cup. It was my passion tango tea and read ‘lil sis’ on the side. I gave Zak a quizzical look.

           “Aaron ordered” he said softly, knowing what I was questioning. I looked at Aaron and he showed me his coffee cup, which said ‘big bro’ on the side. I laughed.

           “Thank you for this, big bro,” I winked as the guys laughed and looked around. Zak eyed my books and walked over to them as Aaron started to look at my pictures. He picked up the San Diego one.

           “Wow, you actually have red and black in your closet?” He asked, acting astonished. I laughed and looked down at my green knee length dress. In the picture I was wearing a red lace crop top and a short black skater skirt with black heals. Zak looked over quickly to see what Aaron was talking about, and I watched his eyes look me up and down. Blushing, I took the picture back and started to explain the events of that evening.

           “Didn’t think you were a party girl,” Zak mumbled after I was done explaining, finally looking away from the picture, even though I had set it back down.

           “I’m not really. But don’t judge a book by its cover. You hardly even know me,” I shot back. What was with him judging my appearance? Zak and I stared at each other for a second, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Probably that he was about to fire me. Aaron broke the silence.

           “Are you still friends with them?” I looked at Aaron and nodded my head.

           “Ya, still best friends. We met freshman year Fall quarter and have stuck together ever sense. They’re the best,” I smiled. “Also, I hope its ok that I have a white board and cork board being delivered today?” I looked back over at Zak.

           “That’s fine. Make the space your own,” he said and walked into his own office. I made a face and looked at Aaron who was looking back and forth between Zak and I. “What?”

           “I can’t tell if you two are going to be like the best of friends, rip each other’s throats out, or be that annoyingly cute opposites attract couple,” he said in a low voice. I gawked at him.

           “More than likely one of the first two. I highly doubt the last one,” I whispered, making sure Zak couldn’t hear us.

           “I don’t know, he likes to talk about you. Wouldn’t shut up about how great your research was when we went to get the coffee this morning.” I blushed at that and turned away from Aaron. “Oh, so there is a feeling there!”

           “I didn’t say that. Beside I just met you guys and I work for him now so it will be strictly professional.” I muttered, sitting down and opening my laptop to start my work for the day.

           “You aren’t denying it though. And technically you work for Travel Channel so it wouldn’t be like you slept with your boss to get a raise or anything,” Aaron winked as I shooed him out of my office, not even wanting to respond to that comment. I looked across at Zak and he had his head down in his own work. I prayed he didn’t just hear all that.

~ ~ ~      

           After my boards were delivered and I acquired the help of Aaron to put them up, I found myself walking down the hall to make a copy of a paper of a place I was researching. The paper had a few numbers and extra sources for articles on the place, so I wanted to keep a copy for myself before handing my research over to Zak. As I walked back to my office to grab all the papers and my notes of the 3 places I was able to get through today, I noticed all the guys were in Zak’s office. I kept to myself and started gathering my research when Zak called me over. I walked in with the papers and smiled at the guys. “Are those for me?” Zak asked motioning to the papers.

           “Yup. There was a lot of information on that one ghost town, so I only was able to look at 3 places today. But everything should be in there,” I explained as I handed him the heavy stack of papers. At least it was heavy in my opinion, Zak’s large frame took them easily from me.

           “Are you doing anything tonight Y/N?” Aaron asked. I looked at him and shook my head.

           “Not really. I was probably just going to cook dinner and watch tv,” I shrugged. I had really just planned on finishing unpacking this weekend. The exciting life of Y/N Y/LN.

           “Well we’re all going out tonight to get a drink and dinner. Would you like to come?” Aaron smiled at me. I wasn’t sure what to say.

           “Um… you know I don’t want to impose…”

           “You wouldn’t be. You can meet my wife. Plus, Billy is coming so you can meet him too,” Nick interrupted my poorly planned excuse. I really didn’t want to intrude on a night out for them since they hardly knew me. As if he knew what I was thinking, Nick spoke up again. “And it would be nice to get to know you and you us since we’ll all be going on a lockdown next week.”

           “Oh, I’m going on that?” I questioned.

“You’re our historian. We kind of need you there,” Zak answered with a nod. They all looked at me expectantly.

           “Ok. And that sounds fun tonight, if it’s alright with everyone?” I glanced at Zak specifically. He smiled softly and nodded.

           “Awesome! I’ll text you the address of the place. It’s kind of like a dive bar off the strip, so it’s never too busy, especially on Friday nights,” Aaron explained. I smiled and nodded, saying good bye to everyone and leaving the office for the day.

           Once I got home, I showered and did my hair. I curled it in a beachy wave, then did my make-up. I stood in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. It was dinner, but still a bar. I wanted to look nice, and a bit more grown up. Being 5’2 and a petite 112 pounds, people often did not believe I was old enough to drink, let alone be out of high school. I’m sure that’s how the guys saw me, and for some reason I specifically wanted to show Zak that I wasn’t some little girl who always wore dresses. I tended to have a closet that reminded people of Jessica Day on New Girl. The fact that I was a substitute teacher for a few years while I worked on my master’s and after didn’t help that goody two shoes image I had made for myself either. Not that I minded it, I just kind of wanted Zak to notice me. What Aaron had been saying kept replaying in my head. Zak was the first one to say they should hire me; he likes to talk about me and my research. Was he not as intimidating and judging as he’s appeared to me over the past week?

           I shook my head to try to get those thoughts out. I was just going out with the people I work with, and that was that. I ended up picking out my ripped skinny jeans and a black chiffon top that showed a strip of my stomach. I put on my black healed ankle boots and grabbed my leather jacket. Aaron said they would be there around 7:30, and it was 7 now. I looked up the place and saw it was about 15 minutes from me. I made sure my hair and make were in place, then called an uber. I am a bit of a light weight. Even though I was just planning on having a single beer, I don’t really trust myself to drive after. Better safe than sorry. My uber came and dropped me off at exactly 7:30. I was really hoping someone was already there so I didn’t have to wait by myself. I walked in and looked around. The place had a fun vibe, with a dance floor off to the side. There were tables and booths that took up most of the place, then a bar next to the dance floor. The music was turned up, but still at a volume that you didn’t need to yell over. I imagined that it got louder as the night went on and the dance floor got crowded.

           I looked to my left and saw Aaron and Nick waving me down. I smiled and walked over to them. “Hi guys,” I said as I slid in next to Aaron.

           “You made it! Y/N, this is my wife Veronique,” Nick introduced us.

           “Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I smiled at her. She returned it and shook my hand.

           “You too! I’ve been hearing about all your research. You have these guys all impressed,” Veronique stated. I laughed and thanked her.

           “If you want something to drink, you have to go to the bar,” Aaron informed me. I saw that they already had their drinks and got up, excusing myself. I walked up to the bar and leaned against it, waiting to get the attention of the bartender. I was never very good at inserting myself at bars. He came over after a minute or two, and I ordered an Anchor Steam beer. A rum and coke sounded good, but I didn’t want to get too giggly with everyone just yet. As the beer was pushed toward me and I was about to hand over my card, an arm reached over me.

           “I’ll pay for hers, and an O’douls,” a deep voice said. I turned and saw Zak, who was smiling down at me. “I have to say Mia, I almost didn’t recognize you in jeans. You look good,” he said as the bartender handed him back his card and his drink. I stood there, not knowing what to say for a second.

           “I could have paid for my drink.” I blurted out. Zak chuckled and leaned against the bar next to me.

           “I know, but I got it. Think of it as an olive branch,” he stated. I quirked my eyebrow.

           “An olive branch?”

           “Ya. I know I keep making remarks that bother you and I honestly don’t mean to. You really do just seem like this bubbly person so I guess it was just my way of trying to get used to you. Aaron told me I was coming off a bit rude and I just want you to know that it wasn’t personal,” he tried to explain himself.

           “Well if it was about the way I look and dress then it was personal. But ok,” I looked down at my beer. Zak huffed.

           “What I mean is that we’ve all gone through some pretty serious shit together, and you just seemed like this ray of sunshine bouncing in…in a good way. I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. And if I have then I apologize for that. I think you are doing a great job,”

           “Aaron told me you were the first one to say you guys should hire me. If that’s true, then why the attitude the past two days?” I questioned him. I was curious. He smiled at me and looked back toward the table. I followed his gaze and saw the guys pretending to seem like they weren’t watching us. I blushed slightly, hoping the dim lighting would hide it.

           “You’re smart Y/N. I saw that in the way that you presented yourself. You’re also very passionate about history, and it was intriguing. Plus, you didn’t come to the interview asking about being on tv and our lockdowns, or asking for an autograph after,” he answered me. I tilted my head to the side a bit.

           “People really asked for an autograph after their interview?” he nodded. I laughed slightly. “And I don’t really care if I’m on the lockdown.”

           “I know. You were refreshing to talk with. And after the past two days you seem to be exactly what we needed. So, what do you say we start over and I try not to be such an ass with my remarks? Truce?” He smiled at me, but I didn’t miss the way his eyes looked me over. Maybe this was the right outfit choice after all. I bumped my drink into his.

           “Truce,” I responded, smiling at him. I turned to then walk back to the booth with Zak following closely behind me. Aaron scooted over in the booth as I slid in next to him, and Zak by me. Once we had sat down I was introduced to Billy Tolley, the audio-visual tech who showed up while Zak and I were talking at the bar. We all ordered our food and enjoyed the evening. I was laughing with everyone and feeling more comfortable then I had since I moved in last week. Zak stole a French fry off my plate and I bumped him with my elbow. Life might turn out to be good here.  

[ashtcnirwin]

god typing your url is always so hard for me i don't know why but i always want to type ashtocn ANYWAY how about this: gimme a director's cut for jalex in paris, change my mind fic, or makeup artist ashton fic. yes those are the three you wrote for me. i'm giving you the option to only break down one of them if you don't wanna have to dig into all three. but like you can hit all three if you wanna! go crazy. whatever floats your boat. love youuu xoxo bella

you and me both, i keep spelling it as aschtnirwin whenever i have to type it out🤡

hmm giving me choices... i like that, thank u miss bella! i haven’t really talked much about any of these fics (that i can remember), and i can’t quite make up (heh heh) my mind (heh heh) so i’ll just do all three and here’s to hoping i can keep it at least a little bit short

⭐ we’re doing director’s cut of fics guys⭐

jalex in paris aka we go together (or we don’t go down at all)

writing this fic was really hard in one way because i’d never written a fic for a fandom that i barely knew anything about, and i remember that i spent that whole morning/early afternoon looking at atl interviews and miscellaneous vids to get a tiny teeny grasp of their vibes. and it’s like...when you’re part of a fandom, you keep picking up all these little pieces of information about whatever/whoever it is you’re a fan of, things that you won’t find on a wiki page or anything, but to try and pick up all those little details in one day just wasn’t gonna happen obviously. 

i think you, bella, commented on smth in the fic, a little detail or smth that didn’t add up with the real people, and i never went back to fix it (cos it just...didn’t matter to the story at all really) but i remember thinking to myself like “ah fuck...okay making little mistakes like that is really irritating cos if this was 5sos (or 1d for that matter) i’d never ever make a mistake like that”, yk?

anyway, i love paris a lot, i’ve been there a few times, and i’d been meaning to write you some jalex for a while when...either sam or meghna said smth about jalex in paris, and i thought...yeah...i can do that...mhm. so i did. and you know me, i’m usually all about the angst and the emotional torture and the heartbreak and all that stuff, BUT in addition to this fic being written for you and i know you’re all about the easy love, writing this as angsty or have jalex have a bigass argument over their relationship or anything like that just didn’t feel right AT ALL. 

in my mind at least, the combination of how jalex act irl, both as individuals and as a duo, and the general vibe i was going for in the fic, the easy love-path was the only thing that made sense. it was just like...they spent a day wandering around paris, being a little chaotic, and ended with them sitting at a restaurant in the early evening, waiting for their dinner, and then jack just being like “are we on a date?”, totally casual, and then that was it, sort of. no conflict, no long conversation, no colliding expectations, etc etc, and it was lovely to write.

(but ofc, in true me-fashion, i had to throw SOMETHING in there, hence the nods towards a fwb-arrangement)

(in my defense, if it wasn’t for that, there never would’ve been a ‘is this a date?’-question tho so)

and i really, really enjoyed writing this piece, far more than i thought i would, and getting to write about parisian vibes (and cute boys complaining about awfully hot parisian summer weather) was just...i felt like a soft boiled egg by the time i finished and posted it😌

change my mind-fic aka we dance along

would you believe that this was the first fic i ever wrote that was inspired by a song? actually, so far it’s the only song-inspired fic i’ve written, i haven’t written another one since. why haven’t i? it was so much fun...huh 

well i’m a wh*re for 1d, i was deep into the fandom back in the heyday, and this song was my sad jam back when tmh came out, so writing a fic for it eight years later and for a different fandom was...it felt a little odd, ngl, especially since i wrote it as non-au? which would indicate that 1d exists in this universe? and that 5sos went on tour with them? i don’t think i put a direct timestamp on the fic, but they were in stockholm when the events of the fic went down and it was established that they were in sheffield a week prior, so that would have been the myt tour, so...yeah, they would have toured with 1d a few years prior, and now they’re hanging out, drunk, in an hotel room, speaking in 1d lyrics? that’s a vibe

just like the jalex in paris-fic, there’s easy love here, too. i think i said something in the club a little while back (it might have been in response to...nik asking for general writing tips?) about how sometimes, people just...do things, they don’t think it through, they don’t stress out about it or anything; they want something and they go for it, and it just isn’t deeper than that. not everything has to be super fucking deep, right?

and i remember thinking as i was getting started on writing malum’s whole conversation about what went down in sheffield, that if any 5sos ship was gonna hook up and then a week later be like “ykw? i like you, i liked kissing you, i liked hooking up with you, so let’s just run with it and see where it takes us” with just a brief, minor freakout and not getting themselves into a whole pining, angsty situation over it, it would be malum. cos the basic premise of this fic COULD have been turned into an angsty slow burn, no doubt, but it made sense to me to drop the argument all together and just go for a soft and easy conversation

makeup artist ashton au aka something old, something new

ah awkward, nervous luke...loml. this one was SO FUCKING HARD to write for the sole reason that idk shit about makeup, like i’m literally barely able to paint my own face without ending up looking like heath ledger in the dark knight, u feel? had it only been hairdresser!ashton. i know way more about hair. well anyway doesn’t matter.

it’s been so long since i wrote that fic now (or, it feels like it’s been super long, in all actuality it’s only been like half a year) and i wrote it so quickly that i can’t remember a lot about my thought process as i wrote it, tbh?

the only thing that stands out to me is the line in the fic that goes, “He chooses to not say anything about the fact that it’s the judgement he’s passing on himself that’s the main problem.” because while i’m obviously not gonna sit here and speak for everyone else, i often find that when i make a big change in my life, be it with my looks or my job or my studies or in personal relationships or whatever else, i tend to be more focused on judging myself for whatever it is i just did than i am on whatever judgement other people may be passing on me.

i wrote luke as being super nervous and unsure about asking ashton to put makeup on him, but his nerves definitely came more from being scared of taking that step than from worrying about other people judging him. i didn’t elaborate on it in the fic as far as i can remember, but i imagine that the reason he was so nervous was that he was scared of taking another leap away from traditional masculinity and what it might lead to. i feel like...a part of him was hoping that he wouldn’t like his face with makeup on, simply because then he could take it all off and carry on with his life, but well, that didn’t happen. he’s a pretty boi, even prettier with makeup.

also, in hindsight, i realise that this is one of those fics that could have been left pairing-less and it wouldn’t really have changed the story much at all. the focus of the fic was very much on luke, not as much on the interactions between him and ashton, and i think the main reason why i did include some flirting (or, clumsy attempts at flirting at least (luke just going ‘hey do u have snapchat? pls? i wanna talk to u more)) was that it’s become more or less second nature to me when writing fic to include at least a nod or two towards a romantic relationship?

yeah i did not manage to keep any of these particularly short? surprise surprise but thank u bella for giving me the chance to talk abt these fics that i have a tendency to forget abt, ily🧡

[monotonous-minutia]

because I think of it altogether too much, some dialogue on the differences in the role of the Muse in Les contes d’Hoffmann, in the play versus in the opera. Enjoy my nerdy, disorganized, former-literature-major ramblings as I spend altogether too much time picking apart the minutia of this issue (but hey, it’s in my URL, so).

In the original play by Michael Carré and Jules Barbier (the same people who wrote the libretto for the opera), the Muse doesn’t double as Niklausse. We get two separate characters–the Muse and Hoffmann’s sidekick, Friédrick.

The play opens with a monologue from the Muse, similar to the one in the opera (some lines are taken verbatim). The monologue in the play, though, isn’t about the Muse being mad at Stella and wanting to win Hoffman’s love. It is in a lot of ways a love letter to the real Hoffmann’s writing, of which Carré was a huge fan (obviously, he wrote a whole play about them). The works of E.T. A. Hoffmann were (and to an extent, still are) hailed as being unique, strange, and otherworldy compared to most of what was seen at the time. The Muse here talks about her stories as if they’re her own, and she happens upon Hoffmann in the tavern (read: when he gets drunk, he gets inspired to write weird stuff). She’s here, then, to introduce this story–the play that we’re watching/reading–as one of her own. She does reappear at the end and makes a statement similar to that made at the conclusion of the opera, that the poet had to suffer to be truly great and now that he’s given up on love she has him to herself–but it’s not that she specifically tried to make this happen, she’s just pleased that it did.

After the Muse’s opening monologue, she tells the audience that the people are coming and she’s going to hide, because they scare her. She puts on a suit and hat similar to that warn by the students that will soon be populating the tavern, so she can blend in with them and not be noticed. I’m guessing this is where the inspiration for the Muse also being Niklausse eventually (partially) comes from.

But we don’t have Niklausse in the play; we get Friédrick. Friédrick is, in my perception, ridiculously adorable. He spends a good portion of the play serving sass. There’s a ton of banter between him and Hoffmann, and some with Friédrick and the side characters as well as they collectively role their eyes at Hoffmann. So, much similarity to Niklausse. A few differences, though: the guys in the tavern love making fun of him, because he’s younger, and Hoffmann is even a little bit meaner to him than their operatic counterparts, and Friédrick is just kind of resigned to it, though he does make fun of Hoffmann at times. Mostly he feels sorry for him and feels the need to take care of him, as he can’t seem to take care of himself.

Friédrick is referred to as Hoffmann’ “shadow,” in that he follows him around everywhere making sure he doesn’t get himself arrested or shanked. He is also referred to by Hoffmann as “the voice of reason” through all his adventures, though of course Friédrick doesn’t remember any of them, since they didn’t actually happen. But he is constantly dragging Hoffmann out of trouble in these stories, which is why Dappertutto tries to off him in the Giulietta act. Dappertutto is annoyed that Friédrick first rescues Hoffmann from Olympia when she goes crazy (which is a big part of the play, and written into the libretto, but rarely ever portrayed on stage for the opera), then saves him from Crespel when Crespel tries to get Hoffmann for (as he perceives) killing Antonia (another bit that’s in the libretto but rarely portrayed onstage) and, finally, is trying to literally drag him away from Giulietta. As with Niklausse, Hoffmann severely under-appreciates Friédrick and all that his friend does for him. But when Dappertutto tries to give him a “sleeping potion” that he says will just make him pass out long enough for Hoffmann to get it on with Giulietta, Hoffmann kind of gets a reality check when he’s like “Wait, okay, but what if he drinks it and then he dies?” Dappertutto insists that no such thing is even remotely possible. I do wonder where Hoffmann’s sudden suspicion and consideration comes from. Like, is he already suspicious of Dappertutto, or is he just concerned because Friédrick is so small a single dose of Nyquil could end him? (Being a lightweight myself, I do wonder.) But we never find out either way, because Giulietta waltzes onstage and downs the poison first and of course Friédrick arrives just in time to save Hoffmann yet again. I just gotta wonder: given Friédrick is not the Muse in this version, why is it that he’s the one who drags Hoffmann out of trouble over and over again in a series of stories that didn’t actually happen?  As constantly annoyed as he seems at Friédrick, he’s the one making the choice to have him play that role. And Friédrick is pretty cool with it. I guess they were roommates.

The Muse’s role, then, comes with a different vibe. She doesn’t have any influence over Hoffmann’s love life or seem quite as imminently concerned about it. She’s not following him around in the same way; she kind of just has to wait for him to come around. She’s less assertive and pretty resigned to having to deal with the constant BS but at the same time seems less bothered by it. She’s not totally dependent on him or solely invested in him; she just likes him a lot and enjoys writing stories with him. The operatic Muse is much more definitively attached to Hoffmann and sees his love life as a direct opposition to them. The stakes are higher for them than for the Muse in the play.

The whole Muse/Niklausse dynamic on the opera fascinates me to no end. I can’t even quite put into words the thoughts I have about it. Lately when I think about the question “If you could go back in time and talk to anyone in history who would it be?” I just want to go and talk to Barbier and Carré and ask how they came to the decision to make Niklauuse and the Muse the same character because–is there really anything in literature that’s quite the same as that? We get “a madwoman, come down from the heavens, to fight with a frivolous woman over the love of a fool” (a line from the libretto) who transforms themself into their poet’s best friend, and deals with his BS which is (as I rambled on a bit in an earlier post) borderline emotional abuse in some cases and even in its mildest forms raises the question “Why, sweetie, why do you put up with this.” Well, they can’t not, can they? What’s a Muse supposed to do? They’ve got their poet and have no other purpose in life that to serve as their inspiration. What would they do if Hoffmann did actually choose Stella over them? It’s basically out of the question.

So looking then at the Muse/Friédrick dynamic was an interesting transition. I can start to see some of the pieces but in some ways it also raises more questions. Was Niklausse ever an actual person, like Friédrick? Is the Muse donning the disguise for just that one night, to be witness to the storytelling, as the Muse in the play does? Does the operatic Muse just figure that Hoffmann will be drunk enough to not notice the difference when the real Niklausse comes back later? Or was Niklausse the Muse all along, and the Muse has for years (or however long) personified themself as another student to try and win Hoffmann on his level? Further, is it Hoffmann who comes up with all the little things that Niklausse does that hints to us what his status actually is, showing that Hoffmann is subconsciously aware of the connection all along? Or is it the Muse infiltrating the storytelling as it occurs to insert themself further, trying to get Hoffmann to really see them during the course of the telling?

On one hand I go crazy over the fact that these questions are never answered, and I wonder why the librettists went from the relatively straightforward Muse/Friédrick dynamic to the super meta, almost incomprehensible Muse/Niklausse dynamic. On the other hand, I appreciate the weird genius behind this that makes me think unreasonably hard about the creative process and art in general and also the relationships we have with people in our lives who we depend on in ways such as this. Also, I appreciate how the ambiguity allows different productions of the opera to have so many interpretations of the role (although there are definitely some interpretations that can go to hell as far as I’m concerned).

Also I think a lot about the names. I think Friédrick is just a cute name and I think it suits the original character. And the transition to Niklausse makes sense: a new interpretation of the character warrants a new name–plus Niklausse comes from “Nicholas” which means “victorious people” which makes sense, you know? Niklausse triumphs in the end, so why not have a powerful name like that? If I were a Muse taking on a human form on earth, I’d want something with that kind of power, too.