#i know i need to give it time but i also fear that. ill waste time and that it wont solve anything. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

myfictionaldreams · 2 years ago

Text

Winter Soup // Mafia!Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: There was no better feeling than a bowl of hot soup when you're feeling unwell and, what's even better is when it's delivered to your door every day by your new guard. It tasted amazing and you could always trust everyone in the Mafia... right?

Requested by: @senjoritanana thank you so much, I hope you enjoy all the angst!

A/N: PSA I don't know the specifics of how poisons work and didn't want to risk it on my google history lmao so please ignore any inaccuracies. Please read the tags if you're affected by near death experiences, please proceed with caution and if I've missed any tags/warnings, please let me know!

Warnings/Tags: 18+ readers only, hints of smut, angst (LOTS BUCKLE UP), fluff, polyamory relationship, poisoning, blood and injury, anxiety, crying, begging, near death expierences, reader is injured, pain, emotional hurt/comfort, hospitalization, protective Steve Bucky and Sam, everyone needs a hug tbh

Words: 7.7k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The warmer months were slowly starting to shift into winter and for some reason this year, the weather change was beginning to affect your health. You’d heard of the phrase ‘seasonal depression’ but you were convinced that it was due to the cooler weather that was making you feel this rubbish.

It had been happening for a week now, and some days you’d feel fine, normal in fact but then others your chest felt so tight as if an elephant was sitting on top of you, nausea, vertigo and heart palpations that would have you clutching your chest with fear you might explode. With each passing day, you would be praying for the summer months to return, especially as the snow and ice increased with intensity outside of your home.

You were fine for the most part, good days and bad; yes you might be getting worse with each passing day but you were adamant that the seasonal illness would pass. However, the frosty weather was also a minor blessing because it was your excuse to stay home and be a pretty housewife for Steve and Bucky. Being able to stay home made it easier to keep the illness to yourself as well, it was a busy time within the Rogers mafia and you didn’t need them wasting their time fretting over your wellness when they had a lot of other things to do. They had many international deals that were so close to being signed for and contracted that every waking hour was spent at the office, on phone calls, and emails, trying to talk to locals across the world to attend meetings on their behalf so the boys were thoroughly busy.

There were a few occasions you’d attended with them to the office if you were feeling particularly needy or lonely but it unnerved you to drive on the snow and ice so when you suggested that you might stay at home, Steve and Bucky offered no complaints.

At home at least you were able to mop about, trying to perk yourself up with movies, pyjamas and your favourite bowl of warm soup. Over the last few months, you’d been trying to improve your cooking skills, especially to impress Steve who usually cooked for three of you. This became more interesting as the colder months drew in over Brooklyn as this meant you could cook more homely, hearty foods such as soups and stews, especially as you had recipe suggestions from the newly hired grounds guard Rafael.

He’d been recommended by a friend of a friend for Steve to hire which was perfect timing because the last grounds guard had retired. There were a few occasions when he was the guard to bring the post to the front door from the front gate and you soon found he was enthusiastic and easy to talk to, even though he was a little bit older, which was how you found out he had previously been a chef and offered to give you recipe ideas. As winter drew in, Rafael began turning up when he knew you were by yourself to deliver some of his momma’s family recipe soups, hoping that the meal would perk you up which it did, they tasted so delicious that you were secretly hoping he would keep bringing them to you, especially as you continued to feel unwell.

“What is it today?”, you asked voice full of hope and trying to sound as upbeat as possible. Even though you were desperately holding onto the door handle as your head was spinning and scared you’d fall over.

“Potato and leek soup and they’re all grown in my back yard so hopefully you’ll love it even more than usual”, Rafael smiled as he handed over the container, his smile broad and causing the aged creases at the corner of his eyes to deepen.

Gleefully you accepted the soup, opening the lid slightly to smell the delicious meal, your stomach grumbling with hunger. Your appetite had reduced significantly over the last few days due to always feeling nauseous however it seemed the only thing that you could stomach was his delicious meals and therefore his arrival was always welcomed.

“Thank you so much! Please will you let me pay you this time? You’re being way too kind to me, always giving me free meals, you’re going above and beyond a usual guard”, you pleaded whilst also having to return holding onto the door handle as it felt like the ground was moving with your dizziness.

Rafael held up his hands and shook his head, taking a step back, “Absolutely not! Just wanted to give you something to make you feel better and make the fairies go away”.

The guard halted, a look of embarrassment passing out his features as he realised what he just said, especially as you asked, “Fairies?”

He awkwardly looked down at his shoes, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to explain, “Yeah it’s just something my momma use to say. If we were feeling unwell, it’s because the fairies had crept into our stomachs and were being naughty and making us ill and now I’ve said it out loud to another person I’ve realised how insane that sounds so I’m going to stop talking”.

You squeezed your lips together to try and contain your laughter but that lasted a moment before you were both laughing which only turned into you losing your balance against the door and swaying to keep yourself upright. The laughter died in Rafael’s eyes as he reached out to you, “Woah, you ok, Ma’am?”

Quickly brushing him off, you took a step back into your home, trying to ask nonchalantly about the situation, “Yeah sorry, probably just the fairies pushing me over”. Your joke didn’t seem to comfort him in any way as he continued to look uneased by your appearance.

Thankfully Rafael didn’t push the situation any further, seeing that you wanted to escape back into the comfort of your home, he took his step back with a simple smile. “Get back inside before you catch another cold from this snow. Eat the soup whilst it’s still warm and I’ll be back tomorrow to hear the verdict on the taste.”

“Thank you Rafael! Enjoy the rest of your day!”. You waved him off and rushed to slam the door, sliding down to the floor against the wood, losing all energy that you’d built that morning just for that one conversation. Ok yes, you were feeling sorry for yourself as you tried to catch your breath, heart pounding violently in your chest that it also echoed in your ears and your vision was still seeing double of everything.

However your stomach continued to gurgle with hunger so without wasting any more energy, you opened the lid and ate the entire contents then and there. Releasing a satisfied sigh at the delicious meal, you took another couple of minutes to gather your senses before dragging yourself over to the living room, collapsing onto your back on the couch and letting sleep take you into a dreamless realm.

A violent shake of your shoulders by a hard grip on your shoulder was what startled you awake as Sam’s voice then surrounded you as he shouted, “Hey! Wake up!”.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever been close to hating you Sam Wilson”, you croaked before coughs shattered your chest, rocking your body as you tried to sit up and suck in any air between the painful coughs. Finally, you calmed down enough to collapse back against the decorative cushions of the couch and open your eyes to look at the three Sam’s that hovered over you. After a couple more blinks, they merged into one, very distressed-looking bodyguard, eyebrows knitted together and jaw muscle clenched harshly.

Sam reached towards your face, pressing against your cheek in concern, “Why didn’t you tell me you were ill?”

“What? I’m not ill, I’m just tired, can’t a girl nap around here?” you questioned with a raised eyebrow, trying to look as relaxed as possible.

The man didn’t look convinced as he sat on the edge of the couch next to you. Releasing a heavy sigh which only twinged something in your chest that made you want to cough but you refrained from doing so as you emphasised, “Sam seriously, I’m fine”.

Sam gave you another serious glance, eyes hardening as he explained, “You didn’t sound fine, you were wheezing so hard in your sleep I thought you were going to stop breathing”.

There was no denying the panic that filled your heart and would explain the tightened feeling in your chest but you tried to not let the fear show on your face as you rolled your eyes, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

“I appreciate your concern Sam, but I feel ok, I’m just tired, I was probably just sleeping in a weird position and look, no wheeze now!” Taking a deep breath to show there was no more noise coming from your chest, however, it didn’t seem to comfort him in any way.

“Yeah well you’re still looking peaky and why are you so tired all the time recently, you’re never usually like this”.

“It’s probably just the cold weather or something. If I start to feel unwell, you know I’d tell you. I’m a big baby when I’m ill, you’ll be the first to know”. Sam looked to be contemplating believing you and all you were silently begging for was that he didn’t call Steve and Bucky, they just didn’t need this stress right now. Even though it was in his contract to call them at any sign of injury or illness but as Sam looked at you, other than looking tired, you seemed to be fine and still joking with him. Finally, he gave you a simple nod and you couldn't hold back the thankful sigh. “Do you mind if I go back to sleep for a little while longer or do you need me for anything?”

“You’ve been sleeping a lot recently”, he stated his earlier point again.

“What, so I’m not allowed to nap now?” you teased him with a subtle smile, hoping to crack his worried exterior. It only half worked as he shook his head to himself, standing up and pulling the fluffy blanket that had been left behind you on the couch and throwing it over your body. Before you could even thank him though, sleep had stolen you back into its resting state.

Sleeping for a few more hours, Sam was nowhere to be seen but he usually liked to check the perimeter ever so often and speak to the other guards so you weren’t worried about his whereabouts. As you shuffled to the kitchen, you couldn’t tell if you felt any worse or better after all the sleeping, haven’t wasted another day feeling sorry for yourself, you tried to snap out of it by glancing through the refrigerator and cupboards and deciding to ssurpriseSteve and Bucky with a romantic meal.

The house was soon filled with delicious scents of sweet and savoury as you’d baked and were in the process of cooking their dinner. You were in your own little world and had only stumbled a handful of times with dizziness and the headache that was building was currently mild in comparison to others you had, it was fine you determined to yourself

Still lost in your own thoughts, you hadn’t even heard the front door open as you were suddenly enveloped by a muscular chest and arms, a smile aching your cheeks as you nuzzled back into Steve’s body. His lips danced over your cheek and down your neck as he held you close, the roughness of his beard comforting. “I didn’t hear you come in”, you commented, turning your head slightly to chase after his lips, sighing deeply in your chest as he held you tighter for a second, hands dipping beneath your shirt at your waist so that he could feel the warmth of your skin.

“I did shout”, he revealed whilst moving back to neck, not to kiss but just to smell you in, his body almost melting into the floor as he felt at home with the familiar scents. “I’ve missed you”, he whispered against your skin.

Goosebumps instantly flooded over your body as you shivered, turning in his arms to hug him properly, your fingers scratching through his hair that was beginning to curl at the ends where he’d allowed it to grow out over the winter months. “I’ve missed you too”, you whispered against his lips, lazily kissing and breathing each other in.

“Come with us tomorrow, I want you to be near me”, he admits with words that were making you cling to him harder.

You wanted to say yes and the word was on the tip of your tongue but then your thoughts drifted to the soup coming. “I’ve got a delivery coming that I can’t miss, I’m sorry”.

“The guards can get the delivery”, he counters.

“It’s fresh soup I want it whilst it’s hot”, an embarrassed smile finds its way to your lips as he leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he just enjoyed the moment of the two of you being together.

“Soup? But we could order that to the office if you wanted it, you know that’s no issue”.

You pout dramatically, hanging off his neck as you whisper with a childish tone, “But it won’t be the soup that I’ve ordered and want”.

Steve rolls his eyes but you know he's being playful, he could never find a reason to be upset with you. Rolling back his shoulders, he stands back to his full height, opening his eyes to cup your cheek with his massive hand but this was when he took you in and a frown dawned on his face just like it had on Sam’s. “Are you feeling ok?” The hand on your cheek moved towards your forehead, expecting to feel a temperature but it felt normal.

“I feel great”, you say with as much cheer in your tone as possible, still holding onto his neck but mostly because another wave of dizziness had rushed through you and you needed some support to stay standing.

Steve didn’t seem convinced, “You just … look a little off”.

You playfully rolled your eyes, similar to how he had just done, “Wow thanks Steve”.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that”.

“I know, I’m joking, I’m fine - really, it's nothing to worry about”. He eyes you and doesn’t fall for your grin so you tried your next trick up your sleeve. Leaning on your tip toes whilst pulling his face closer, you whispered against his lips, “I love you, Stevie”.

The tension momentarily eased from his shoulders as his grip around you tightened, “I love you too”.

“Sorry to interrupt your love fest but I want my own loving”, Bucky broadly announced from the entrance of the kitchen where he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, a twinkle of mischief in his blue eyes however as you pulled back from Steve and he could finally see your face, the happiness seeped from his face. “Woah, what happened? Are you ok?”

You gave a frustrated huff, finally releasing Steve’s neck as you pointed in the direction of the decorated table. “Right, both of you go and sit down before I decide you don’t deserve any food for being mean”.

Steve shuffled away first as you continued to cook the food, Bucky looking ashamed as he came over and kissed your cheek but before he could pull away, you quickly captured his lips in a kiss to show you’d been playing before and weren’t upset.

“Why are there only two plates on the table?” Steve questioned as he took a seat.

Without looking over your shoulder at him, you casually answered, “I’ve already had mine, I wasn’t sure when you were both going to be home and I didn’t want to wait”. They both seemed to accept your lie and you happily sat with them as they ate, asking about how the deals were going. They both seemed to be agreed that they were sure to have contracts signed tomorrow and had even been able to pay off some of the international police so that shipping of the goods could occur. In truth, after the soup, you were not feeling at all remotely hungry and even the smell of the cooked food had turned your stomach over.

A couple of hours later, the three of you were preparing for bed. Steve is in the middle and you are to his right and Bucky is to his left. You and the mafia boss had been kissing deeply for a couple of minutes, his hands beneath your shirt, brushing against your breasts, rough fingertips peaking your nipples as you ground down on his thigh. You were soaked and he could feel the evidence of it as you weren’t wearing any underwear but the longer the touches and kisses went on for, the more you were feeling unwell.

As his teeth tugged on your bottom lip and he began to trail open-mouthed kisses over your jaw and down your throat, you noticed Bucky was doing the same thing but to Steve’s neck from behind. However, there were two Bucky’s instead of one as your vision swayed and it felt as if you were on a water bed with how unsteady you felt. The headache was close to a full-blown migraine as well now which only continued to make you feel nauseous so even though there was nothing more you wanted than to continue where this intimacy was leading but, for once, you had to stop it.

“Wait, just- just one moment”, you pushed against Steve's shoulders at the same time. The blonde's hold on you loosened as he moved his face back to look into your eyes but you’d closed them, trying to hide your face from him and Bucky who had also sat up further to check on you. “I just- sorry I’m tired and I… I’m not sure- sorry.. I don’t think-”.

Steve’s fingers tipped your chin up to look at him as he smiled softly down at you, “If you don’t want to do anything, we don’t have to. If you’re tired then I’ll just hold you close, ok? Please don’t apologise for not wanting any of this”.

You relaxed in his arms, feeling grateful for him but also bad that you could feel how aroused he was against your stomach. “Thank you. I’m just feeling so tired today. Please don’t let me stop you both, continue without me, I just want to go to sleep”.

“You don’t have to give us reasons why you don’t want to do it, baby, we’ll do whatever you want to do. Me and Buck don’t have to fuck if you want to be held, I don’t want you thinking we’re neglecting you”.

Affection and love warmed your heart as you kissed Steve’s lips and then reached over his shoulder to kiss Bucky. “I love you both but seriously please continue, I like watching you both anyway so that’ll satisfy me enough if I’m not asleep by that point anyway”.

They both gave their love back to you with praises and pecks to your face before rolling away from you and beginning their exploration of each other's bodies. You watched with a smile on your face for a couple of moments and your core ached with need but as a burst of pain pounded through your temple, your eyes shut automatically to help ease the pain and from there, they never opened again as sleep took you soon after.

The next morning, your migraine had gone but your entire body felt weak and drained of any energy. Steve and Bucky took one look at you and determined that they’d be working from home, wishing to remain near you but they still needed the comfort of their home office upstairs whereas you remained downstairs, pretending to watch TV.

Somehow, you had continued to hide your seasonal illness, they just thought you still looked peaky. Today was the worst you’d felt so far, even having to use the wall as support whilst walking around the home, silently coughing into cushions so that the boys wouldn’t hear upstairs and this only increased the sharp pain shooting through your chest.

At lunchtime, Sam came over to visit and found you at the table in the kitchen, head lying against the table top as you dipped in and out of sleep. You were too tired to even pretend to joke and thankfully for once he didn’t pester you with being unwell, especially knowing Steve and Bucky were home, he assumed they had seen how bad you were so he just sat next to you at the table, easing his hand under your head so you had some comfort against the hard surface.

Soon after, Rafael knocked on the front door with your soup delivery. Usually h,e would stay at the door, never coming into your home but Sam insisted that he come out of the cold and deliver the soup to you in person.

“Yay!” you croaked, reaching out for the warm container, seeing the soup within and seeing that it was a deep red colour today, possibly tomato.

“I didn’t know you cooked, Rafael”, Sam noted, taking his seat next to yours once more as the new guard stayed standing at the head of the table. Other than Natasha, Sam was the lead of the security and guards and technically Rafael’s boss.

“Oh yeah, he used to be a chef”, you explained to Sam, whilst opening the lid of the container, smelling the delicious food and confirming your theory that it was tomato soup.

“Chef? I didn’t know you worked as a chef”, Sam remarked with a frown, eyeing Rafael with confusion as he’d been the one to complete the job interview and didn’t remember seeing chef on his CV.

Rafael casually shrugged his shoulders, looking somewhat tense at the questioning but still forced a smile to his face to please his boss. “I didn’t think it was relevant to the job, to be honest”.

“We’ll have to get you on the bbq when the weather perks up, maybe that’ll stop the arguments between Steve and Bucky”, Sam mused over the thought.

You tried to chuckle but the exhaustion had you slumping against the table as you mumbled, “I feel like shit”.

Sam tensed next to you, “Maybe we should call a doctor. You know, I’m surprised Steve and Bucky aren’t down here right now looking after you, do they even know how bad you’re feeling today?”

“Wait, they’re both here?” Rafael asked Sam but he ignored him, his focus solely on you.

Once again you’re too tired to think of an answer and shrug your shoulders, turning your head to look up at Rafael, “I think the fairies like me too much”.

“Fairies?”, Sam questions thinking that you’d become delirious.

You smile genuinely to Sam, reaching to tap his shoulder, “Inside joke Sam, keep up”.

There was no further discussion of fairies as more hacking coughs ripped through you. It took a couple of moments and Sam rushed to get you a glass of water before you slumped back against the table in exhaustion.

“Why don’t you have the soup and then see how you’re feeling later? Maybe the rest is all you need”, Rafael suggested, filling the silence with his voice.

You couldn’t see it but Sam gave his employee a scathing look, “Rest is all she’s been doing. I’m calling the doc and then I’m going upstairs to tell Steve and Bucky”.

“Aren’t they busy?” Rafael continued to question Sam. “I’ve heard they’ve got that deal coming up from Italy and France, they might appreciate it if you wait a little bit before calling Doctors”.

Sam’s voice was quiet and stern but you were too tired to notice. “That’s not common knowledge, how do you know that?”.

Massaging your temples with the pounding thuds that hadn’t stopped since your coughing fit, you decided that Rafael was right, usually sleep made you feel better. Reaching for the soup one more, you opened the container as you addressed your bodyguard, “he’s right Sam. I just need today for all the work stuff to be over and then I’ll call the doctor. The boys don’t need any distractions, especially today, one more day isn’t going to kill me”.

Sam didn’t look happy as you began to idly sip on the thick, delicious soup. As you thanked Rafael for the meal, Sam finally looked back to him, his frown deep and unmoving as he asked, “Don’t you have work to do?”

Rafael’s spine straightened, “Oh yeah, right. Sorry, sir” and with that, he left to return to work.

“You don’t have to be so bossy you know, he’s just trying to help”, you tried to reason with Sam.

However, your friend ignored you and moved to hold your hand to pull your attention away from the meal and towards him. “I’m giving you until the evening, wait no- if you get any worse before the evening, I am calling the Doc, no arguments, understand?”

“Yes sir”, you say with a little salute.

Finishing your soup, your boyfriends finally came downstairs and you attempted to straighten your posture and plaster a fake smile on your face. Bucky paused in the entryway, sniffing the air and asking, “What’s that smell, I know it's from somewhere but can’t put my finger on it”.

“Is it my soup?” you say, trying to stand up and act like the floor was spinning beneath you.

“No, it’s not that”, he pondered, still looking around and trying to smell whatever he recognised but couldn’t pick it up again. Steve and Bucky both walked past you, kissing the back of your head as you casually explained that you were going to lie down for a little bit. “Wait, let me come with you-”, Bucky started but you held out your hand to stop him.

“You’ve got a busy time at work and I’ve got Sammy boy here anyway so you two continue with your work and we’ll have a nice evening in, Ok?”

“Yes Ma’am”, he mutters before continuing to make his lunch. It wasn’t often that he listened to your instructions but both men were so busy and overwhelmed with work and the consequences that could come from it all that they were all over the place.

The next hour passed by slowly and you didn’t manage to sleep even for a moment because your symptoms were making you feel so awful. You were wheezing so bad that each breath felt like you were suffocating, your eyes began to roll with how much the room was spinning and a violent tremble rocked through your entire body, you didn’t feel right, something was wrong and it was beginning to scare you.

“Sam?” your voice was nothing more than a rasping whisper but he still was able to hear you from where he had been on the phone with the doctor from across the room, having noticed your deterioration in health. He was kneeling by your side in a couple of broad steps, the phone balancing between his cheek and shoulder as he rested a hand on your temple, feeling your spiked temperature. “I don’t feel good”, you admitted, voice full of terror before more coughs ruptured through your chest, leaving you struggling to breathe.

“Steve! Bucky get down here right now!”

“No… no, I just need to sleep”, the fear had disappeared from your voice as you wished for the exhaustion to take you completely, hoping that in sleep you wouldn't feel the pain destroying your insides.

“Hey! No! Don’t go t sleep, need you to stay awake for me, Doctor Banner is on his way but you can’t go to sleep”, Sam urgently tapped your face, rousing you from the sleep as Bucky had all but jumped down the entire flight of stairs at the shouting.

“What’s going on- What the fuck? Doll?” he replaced where Sam was so that he could continue to explain to the doctor what was happening.

“I’m just not feeling ok, it’s fine Bucky go back to work”, you were somewhat delirious, still not really opening your eyes but leaning into the coldness from Bucky’s hand as he cupped your face. Bucky looked to Sam for answers, his eyes bright and alert with fury and worry.

When Sam shrugged his shoulders, not having any answer as to why you were suddenly so unwell, Bucky quickly turned back to you and assessed your deteriorating health and noticed just how laboured your breathing had become. As he spoke, it was with surprising gentleness but still held authority, “I need you to take a deep breath for me, honey, I want you to try and fill your lungs with air”.

“I’m trying, it’s just seasonal illness, it’ll be ok”.

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asks, not letting go of your face but just moving in closer.

“It’s just seasonal”, your words began to slur as you became incoherent.

Steve finally descended the stairs with just as much purpose as Bucky as he demanded to know what was going on but Bucky couldn’t answer him as he continued to talk to you and keep you awake. “It’s not seasonal, you’re not breathing properly, it’s not-”. Bucky was leaning so close that he was able to smell your breath and he froze, it looked like he now wasn’t even breathing.

“What is it Bucky?” Steve demanded, kneeling next to him and reaching over to take your hand but also feel your pulse, which only made his own increase with worry.

Bucky leans closer and smells your mouth again, so close that you tried to move away as his nose nudged your lips. “What did you eat?” Bucky asked in a tone that forced your eyes to open with concern.

“Huh? Um just my soup”, you say whilst blinking quickly as he still wouldn’t come into focus.

“Soup? Where is it? Where’s the container?” before you could answer, he was on his feet and running into the kitchen as Steve continued to demand answers from his boyfriend, his hand now moving from your wrist to directly over your heart, continuing to count the beats.

Bucky cursed so violently that it actually made you shrink into the cushions but the movement only made you cough more and chest tighten as you struggled to breathe. He returned to the room, his face a deathly white and green shade as he uttered just one word: “Hemlock”.

There was just one brief second where not a body in the room breathed or even moved, one single second to process the poison that Bucky had spoken, the planet that he only knew about because of his time as the Winter Soldier and using it on his target. The poison that he could now smell on your breath, that originated from your container of soup.

It was Sam to speak first, Sam to snap the two men out of their frozen states as he gave the orders from Doctor Banner who had heard the word over the phone. “We need to get her to a hospital right now”.

Steve picked you up, and his entire body began to tremble with adrenaline and fear as no one even stopped to properly dress for the snow outside, only putting their shoes on before rushing to the car. Sam thankfully was able to use the adrenaline to remain headstrong as he climbed into the driver’s side of the car so that Steve and Bucky could both hold you in the back seats and try and keep you awake.

You were lying with your head in Steve’s lap with your body lying across Bucky’s as they clamped their arms around you as makeshift seatbelts. You had heard the word that Bucky had said and even though you knew what it was, you didn’t want to believe it, even as you continued to feel worse. “It’s not poison, it’s just soup”.

However, those words triggered something within your throat and once more you were coughing so hard that you thought you were going to vomit and cringed as metallic warmth filled your mouth and leaked out of the corner of your lips.

You slumped onto Steve and Bucky, head lulling back but Steve was quick to grab your face, tapping it and forcing you to stay awake, “Baby don’t go to sleep! Please stay awake for me! Stay with us, we’ll be at the hospital soon, I promise”.

You were scared, even though you were half-conscious, you were terrified now realising the severity of the situation, knowing that you were coughing up blood which was now soaking the front of Steve’s shirt and hearing how panicked your boyfriends were only made it worse. Through all the scary, dangerous times in your life, they always remained calm and in control but now they were both frantic and frightened.

As all three men continued to plead with you to stay awake, you forced yourself to open your eyes, only allowing yourself the luxury of blinking occasionally as you kept looking into Steve’s ocean-blue eyes. With his body and face so close to yours, you used him to ground you in the situation, trying to copy his breathing which had slowed since you’d opened your eyes; ignoring the pain from the breaths and resisting the urges to cough even though blood continued to fill your mouth.

“Am I going to die?” you whisper, not being able to ignore the questions now in the back of your mind anymore.

Steve’s breath hitched for a second before he tried to confidently whisper, “No, you’re not going to die”.

You didn’t believe him, especially as the trip to the hospital was delayed by the snow, every second feeling like it could be your worse, you didn’t want it to end like this.

“I love you.”

“You’re going to be ok, just keep looking at Steve, keep breathing”, Bucky pleaded, squeezing your freezing cold hand.

“Please, just say it back”, your voice was hardly audible anymore as your mouth was so full of blood.

“Stop talking and save your energy for when you’re feeling better”, Bucky tried to keep his composure but you knew he was close to snapping.

Your breaths were wet and laboured, wheezing so violently it rattled and echoed around the car but you still managed to plead, “Say it back-”.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me, baby”. Steve snapped first, his eyes were wide, fearful and yet beautiful with how stark the blue was as his eyes filled with tears, leaking down his cheek and into his beard.

You were thankful, for both of them, for everything and you wish you could have told them, wishing that you could have heard Bucky’s own declaration of love and adoration for you but the pounding of your heartbeat became so loud in your head that you couldn’t hear anything anymore.

But you continued to hold on, never once looking away from those pretty eyes of Steve’s as Sam finally screeched to a halt outside of the hospital. Once more, Steve carried you and there was a flurry of people in different coloured scrubs suddenly surrounding you as you were placed onto a cold bed.

One moment you were staring into Steve’s eyes and the next you were looking up at a stranger and the comfort you’d once felt, the thing that was grounding you to life was now gone and you couldn’t find him again, no matter how much you moved on the bed, even as the strangers poked and prodded at your body until you couldn’t deal with it anymore and finally closed your eyes.

Do you ever have those naps where you wake up and forget where you are, or what time or day it is? That was currently how you felt except the added sensation of floating encompassed your body as well. The only sort of normality felt throughout your body was a cool feminine hand stroking across your temple in a soothing, repetitive manner.

Your toes wiggled firstly and then your eyes behind your eyelids and even though you knew who was stroking your forehead, you still croakily asked, “Steve? Bucky?”

“It’s just me Sugar” Natasha sounded calm and peaceful as her fingers didn’t stop with their soothing motions. “The boys are going to be so pissed that you’re awake before they’ve got back”.

You huff and dared to open your eyes, grunting at the brightness of the room but thankfully your eyes adjusted and only one, still, Natasha smiled down at you. Seeing that you weren’t going to vomit or freak out, Natasha sat back in her chair, moving to hold onto your hand to give you some comfort. “You gave us a real scare”.

You thought back to everything that happened, some of it was a blur but most of it still played through your mind like a horror movie that you couldn’t look away from or escape. “Was I really poisoned?”

There was one thing that you appreciated about Natasha and that was her blunt honesty, not one to ever sugarcoat her words, “You were”.

“But… But how? I mean… the soup, Rafael, he wouldn’t-”. You stopped yourself talking, trying to envision all the interactions you’d had with him but only one thing repeated through your thoughts: Don’t trust anyone. That was one of the first rules Steve had taught you. “I don’t understand why? He seemed so nice to me, is his name even Rafael? Was everything a lie?”

“That’s what they’re just finding out. Apparently, the friend of a friend rouse was made up including his credentials, usually, our background checks are very thorough but he had some help to slip through the cracks”.

“Do you know what help he had? Who it was, I mean?”

Natasha for once seemed to think before she spoke which unnerved you, knowing that whoever’s name she spoke next wouldn’t be good news.

The monitor displaying your heartbeat began to beep as it increased with the dread that was settling through your body.

“All signs are currently pointing to Pierce”.

Your eyes closed as you tried to remember how to breathe. You knew about Alexander Pierce. Everyone did. He was ruthless and had plenty of finances and power to pay for his success but not only this, he had been one of the top employees of Hydra and usually in charge of the Winter Soldier. So yes, you all knew a lot about Alexander Pierce and his name was one to send fear through any of those involved in the Rogers mafia, even Steve.

As you opened your eyes again to look at Natasha, you could tell she wanted to tell you more but was holding the information to not panic you further but you needed to know. “Please just tell me whatever it is you’re not telling me”.

“We think he paid this guy to come and spy on Steve and Bbucky and it seems he put his sights on you. Specifically.. Because you’re their biggest weakness and it seemed like everyone knows that”.

Your face warmed with fear and anger, as fear prickled the corner of your eyes, “So what, now I’m not even safe in my own home?”

“That’s not-” Tasha began to lean forward in her seat but another voice cut her off.

“No, you weren’t safe in your own home”. Steve stood at your hospital room door, dressed casually in a black shirt and jeans, looking nothing out of the ordinary but his face was wrath of calm and anger. Your eyes snapped from him to Bucky who had looked just as serious but as your eyes connected with his, the hard lines of his face smoothed out into a weak smile.

The two of them step into the room as Natasha stands, informing everyone that she’d give us some space and guard the door.

You’re trying desperately to keep the tears at bay, to keep them from slipping and cascading down your cheeks, not wanting your boyfriends to feel any more guilt but as you took a deep breath in, a sob erupts through you and you can’t keep the emotions back anymore.

You attempted to hide your face with your hands, even with the added difficulty of having tubes and wires attached to the backs of your hands and the tips of your fingers. The realities of everything that had happened began to destroy any hope that you had. You’d nearly died, in your own home where you were supposed to be most safe.

Steve and Bucky sat on either side of your hospital bed, moving silently as they always did and with careful ease, gently took a hand each and pried them away from your face, stroking away any tears that continued to escape.

“I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know… It’s a lot”, you tried to give reason for your crying, even though it was unnecessary. Bucky tilted your face towards him, his voice was so soft and caring that it nearly made you sob with how careful he was being with you, “Don’t apologise for crying, I tell you this all the time, Doll”.

You offered him a wet giggle, taking a few deep breaths before rambling on with your anxiety, “I bet I look like a right mess right now, I don’t even know how long I’ve been asleep for”.

They let you calm yourself down before Steve praises with his low captivating voice, “You always look beautiful, no matter how much snot is on your face”. He smiles as he manages to make you laugh before he turned serious, “It’s been 5 days, baby”.

Your face drops, “5… I’ve been asleep for 5 days?!”

“You passed out when we arrived and when they could finally stop the bleeding you-”

“Bleeding?” you questioned, remembering you were bleeding from the mouth but it didn’t seem like that much.

“The poison you’d ingested that day was a higher dose and caused internal bleeding. After they were able to stabilise you, they needed to detox you from the poison and make sure your body was healing so it was safe to keep you asleep”.

You tried to process everything that Steve had told you, it felt confusing for you to have been through so much and yet feel such little pain in your body.

As if reading your mind, Bucky once again captivated your attention as he asked, “How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“No I’m not in any pain but I feel wrong like my body is floating in the water or something”.

“That might be due to the medications that they’ve got you on, they’re pretty strong Sweetheart”, his pet name helped to calm your disorientated mind, clinging on to the familiarity and focusing on the way both of their hands were holding yours and stroking tiny circles in your skin,

“Did you get the answers you wanted, from Rafael, or whatever his name is”.

Steve and Bucky shared a glance between each other but Steve decided to be the one to answer. “We got the answers, it was as Nat was explaining. Pierce wanted someone in the gang, spying and getting as close to us as possible and I guess they somehow managed to weasel their way in and tried to succeed with their plan to hit our weak spot”.

You took a deep breath to try and reduce the rising anxiety in the pit of your stomach before asking tentatively, “So what happens now? With Pierce I mean.”

“That’s a problem for another time, just need you to get better first”, Bucky interjected, lifting your hand to kiss the few fingers that were attached with clips or wires.

You tried to smile at him, wanting him to know how much you appreciate him but the feeling never met your eyes and this seemed to twist something in Steve and Bucky. Both of their demeanours changed, no longer were you looking at just your boyfriends but also the mafia boss and his second in command, mixing business with family.

Bucky began talking first, tone strong and husky, “This isn’t something we are taking likely. Sam’s already spent the last day and a half revisiting everyone’s past, making sure there are no other moles that have slipped through the cracks. No new faces are allowed anywhere near our home or you.”

As he spoke, you managed sure to nod your head and try to squeeze his hand in understanding. Steve shifted in his chair, capturing your attention as he continued the discussion. “You are safe and you should have been safe but we let you down, you were vulnerable when we weren’t there to protect you like we promised we would. We let you down, we broke our promise, we could understand if you didn’t want-”.

“Whatever you’re about to say you better forget about it right now”, you say sternly, heartbeat beginning to race on the monitor again as Steve’s mouth shut quickly with a snap. “The idea of being your weakness has always frightened me but, I could also be your greatest strength. I mean - Look at what you’ve been going just to protect the house, to protect me. I know you feel like you’ve let me down but I don’t feel let down in any way. Yes, of course, what’s happened is scary, especially in our home but I doubt it’ll ever happen again. They can try and tear us apart, they can try, but they won’t break us, they can’t break us. We have to remain on top ok? I always feel safe and trusted when I’,m with you both so please, don’t ever feel like I'm not because I am. I’ll always love you both, I’m not going anywhere”.

You sucked in air greedily after your short speech, the building emotions spilling freely everything you truly believed to the men beside you, not wishing for them to ever feel doubt for the relationship or how you felt.

Looking between them both, your heart sank as you noticed Bucky quickly wipe the corner of his eye. “I thought you said no more tears”, you spoke softly whilst trying to wipe away a stray tear.

“That’s before you decided to swoon me with your speech”, he quipped back, the light returning to his eyes once more as you laughed.

“I love you Bucky”.

“I love you, Doll”, standing from his chair, his metal hand stroked over the side of your face as he captured your lips with his, lingering for a few beautiful seconds before sitting back down.

Steve had lifted your hand during your speech and was kissing your palm and you reached out to stroke his beard, “I love you, Steve”.

He too stood, just as Bucky had but he kissed your forehead first, breathing you in for a moment before doing the same against your lips. “I love you too, so much baby”.

As Steve sat back down, your eyes began to feel heavy, all of the strong emotions exhausted you completely. “Will you both be here when I wake up? Not that I’m complaining about Natasha but she doesn’t spoon me like you both do”.

They both chuckle under their breath before Steve promises, “We aren’t going anywhere, sleep, Sweetheart”.

#stucky x reader #stucky smut #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #stucky #bucky x reader #bucky smut #bucky #bucky barnes #marvel smut #mafia au #mafia stucky #mine*

1K notes · View notes

treacheryinblue · 3 months ago

Text

「 ON DISPLAY 」 noah sebastian ⨯ f!reader

▷ chapter four

noah is your neighbor and your new favorite view thanks to his lack of curtains. you're pretty sure he prefers it this way. but the man you've created in your imagination is nothing like reality and you soon find yourself falling prey to a past lifestyle you had been desperately on the run from. trigger warnings : language, eventual smut, violence, mention/flashbacks of abuse, alcohol and drug use, sexual harassment/assault (nongraphic). word count : 11k

masterlist

You told him everything.

Well, mostly everything. You had skipped over some of the more gritty details after noticing how Noah’s hands would clench into fists anytime there was a vague mention of someone laying a malicious finger on you. He was protective of you, for reasons unknown, but you figured it wasn't best to question him in the middle of your sob story. It wasn't his sympathy you wanted, anyway, nor his pity.

You told him of how your father basically sold you to Vane in a bid to grow his empire. He saw how quickly Vane was coming into his own power, all by striking fear into others, and your father thought it best to align with him for his own selfish reasons. Your father was getting older and didn't want his legacy to falter. What better way to do that than to promise Vane his own flesh and blood? He didn't give a shit about you, his only daughter. He didn't care about how cruel Vane could be or how you had tried to escape on more than one occasion. Honestly, you had never made a true motivated attempt until the last time when the opportunity simply happened to present itself. Every other time you had been too scared, too ill prepared, too slow.

You told him about Vane’s business ventures; the drugs, the weapons, the aspiration to move to 'bigger and better things’, so Vane had said. You had no idea what that meant. What went beyond your typical drug and weapon smuggling? A few ideas popped into your head when you thought about it long enough but you didn't want to believe Vane was that monstrous of a person. But, maybe he was. Years of your life were wasted on him and you still felt as if you barely knew the menace.

Finally, you told him about what spawned your move across the country. The fight for your life that had ended with you taking one instead. Vane’s. A few stabs to his body in the heat of the moment had done the trick. This was also where you left out the more gory details again. Not just for the benefit of Noah’s temper, but for your own past trauma. It wasn't something you wanted to relive.

“No one tried to help you?” Noah pondered aloud after you fell silent. You looked at him, offered a sympathetic smile, and shook your head.

“No one could. I was cut off from everyone who wasn't my family or in Vane’s inner circle.”

“But your friend, the one you said you moved here for?”

You took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. To say that you were exhausted would've been an understatement and the constant curious questions weren't helping. The morning light was already beginning to shine through your window, casting a faint golden glow across your living room where you sat with Noah. He had finally abandoned the Nocturnal mask again, once more returning to the mildly nerdy but kind neighbor you had watched from your window.

“I've known Mel since I was a kid but we drifted apart once Vane stepped into my life. We spoke whenever possible, if possible, but then when I found out she had moved here…it's the only place I thought to go.” Another glance was taken his way, his brows furrowed as he tried to put all of the crumbled pieces of your life together. Good luck.

“She didn't know anything about what was happening,” you concluded before Noah could add Melinda to his list of people to make disappear. “And she still doesn't…which I’d like to keep that way.”

Noah nodded in understanding. You knew he would be able to relate with your need to keep the people closest to you safe, and since all you had was Mel, she needed to be kept far, far away from all of this. Even if that meant you having to uproot your life again for her sake.

“I'm going to keep you safe, okay?” Noah reached over the couch cushion that separated you and lightly cradled your jaw. You couldn't help but to nuzzle into his palm as the warmth of his skin instantly calmed you, allowing you to take in a much needed deep breath. “I'll talk to Jolly. We’ll get it figured out and–”

“No! Noah, no.” You quickly interjected, your eyes widening. You snatched his hand from your cheek but kept it within your grasp, the hold you had on him firm. “No one else can know. Please. Don't tell him.”

“You can trust Jolly the same as you trust me. I've known him nearly my entire life. He wouldn't–”

Again you cut him off with a strong shake of your head. “Do not tell him, Noah. Promise me that you won't. I can't run the risk of someone else possibly getting hurt because of me.”

Noah was looking at you with great confusion. You could see it swimming within his eyes, the words to make digging questions not forming just right to actually be spoken. He opened his mouth to speak but you beat him to it.

“If you believe me like you say you do, then this has to stay between us.”

“And what am I supposed to tell him about who you are?”

You heavily sighed, your head falling back against the couch cushions in near defeat. Shrugging as your hands scrubbed over your face, you took a few seconds for yourself before looking at him again. He was beautiful, even when his eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and he was still looking at you as if you were a puzzle to figure out. You hated it. No one was supposed to want to know all the inner workings of you. A man like Noah was going to be the death of you.

“I don't know,” you finally replied. “Just…tell him that I showed you family pictures or something to prove who I am. Tell him those guys were just…debt collectors. I don't know.”

Noah rolled his eyes and lightly laughed under his breath. “Debt collectors,” he repeated in disbelief. “Those guys could only be debt collectors if they were coming to take one of your organs as payment.”

You couldn't help but to laugh along with him because you knew how horrible of a lie that was. Although, maybe it was just bad enough to be believable.

X X X

It wasn't long ago that you dreaded being at Nocturnal and wished to remain employed at Red’s only. After the most recent turn of events, though, you were constantly thinking about what was happening at the club. Noah was always on your mind. What was he doing? Had he told Jolly? Was he truly an ally? Well, you had already revealed all of your closest secrets, so it wasn't as if the latter mattered too much now. You were just hoping he was someone you could actually trust and rely on. Your gut told you that he was exactly that, but you could never be too sure.

Taking a sharp right, you hustled into Red’s home with a fury to get out of the cold. You were early, and only realized this after checking your phone too late that morning. Red had messaged you to say he had a meeting and for you to arrive later than your original agreed upon daily time. But since you were already on the subway at that point, you decided to head in and just start helping out wherever you could. What was an extra hour really?

It was quiet around the house, though you could hear the faint murmur of voices coming from Red’s office. You passed by it without pause since you didn't want to be caught as a snoop, and instead began gathering the laundry from the designated room not much further down the hall. As you were folding a fresh load in the sitting room, an older man with a suit on waltzed in, phone and briefcase in hand. He regarded you with a passive smile, which you returned with one of your own.

“Are you another one of Red’s grandchildren? I've yet to meet them all.” He inquired after a few beats, his hands now clasped down at his waist and his attention fully on you.

You softly laughed and shook your head. “I work for him,” you explained. “But I'm sure I see him a lot more than any of his grandchildren do.”

The man chuckled before taking a quick glance over his shoulder. “I wouldn't say that too loud or else one of them may hear you.”

“Oh…” you glanced over your shoulder. “Is one visiting now?”

You had never encountered any of Red’s family. He's spoken of them, not always too fondly, and you've seen pictures, yet you've never crossed paths. Which wasn't too unusual to you considering you worked the same time during the day as most people also did.

The man released a heavy breath as he nodded. “Nicholas, his youngest. Watch out for that one. He has a liking for…trouble.”

His final words were quickly murmured because a door heavily closing could be heard throughout the entire lower level of the city mansion. The suddenness of it caused you to jump slightly, your eyes darting to the entryway of the sitting room. A short moment later, a figure appeared that you only recognized from a family photo hanging on Red’s wall. The guy was older now, but you remembered the unique shade of his eyes.

“I'm guessing your Red’s newest wife?” He looked you up and down with disinterest, then turned to the other man. “That would make…what? Wife number four?”

Did people really not know that Red had other employees?

The man said nothing beyond a faint grunt of acknowledgment, his focus only on his phone that he was quickly typing away on. He was probably trying to ignore Nicholas, and you couldn't say you blamed him. There was something about Red’s youngest grandchild that rubbed you the wrong way right off the bat.

“I'm definitely not his wife,” you quickly defended.

“No…no, you're not.” A slight smirk appeared over his lips. You noticed the way his eyes traveled you from head to toe again, but this time with a bit more intrigue. His gaze lingered much too long on your chest for your liking, though you were thankful for the crew neck sweater you had tossed on. At least it wasn't anything low cut.

You forced a tight smile, returning to the laundry. You could still feel Nicholas' sights on you. There was also what sounded like a click every now and then, and a brief glance his way showed you the zippo lighter in his grasp. Jesus Christ, what was with this guy?

Appearing unfazed, you loaded the folded laundry back into the basket to be carried away to the upstairs closets. Just as you were going to lift said basket, though, the sound of Red’s cane hitting the hardwood floor garnered your attention. He seemed surprised to see you, maybe even a little perturbed by your presence. He still plastered on a smile of his own, but that didn’t stop the tension in the room from remaining.

“Nicholas. What are you still doing here?” Red held a stern look over his grandson, his tone unable to hide his aggravation. “I thought you had another meeting to rush to.”

Still flipping the lighter, he shrugged. “I was just introducing myself to your new…”

“Assistant,” you finished the sentence for him. If you could even call yourself that. Sometimes “housekeeper” felt too proper for what you did.

“Assistant,” Nicholas repeated with an amused grin.

Red sighed as he walked towards Nicholas with the intent on ushering him out. He murmured a few choice words to him, most of which you couldn't make out, but you could assume.

“I'll be sure to stop by more often to see how things are going with you,” Nicholas said.

The statement was directed at you, but you didn't look his way again. He set you on edge and you couldn't really place your finger on why. You had been around enough psychopaths to know one when you saw one, so your plan was to steer clear.

Excusing yourself from the suit man with nothing more than a mumble, you carried the laundry basket up to the second floor to be put away. Even a floor up you could still hear the bickering of Red and his grandson on the front step. As their voices grew in volume, so did your curiosity.

Slowly, you inched closer and closer to the window that was right above where they stood. Nicholas' jaw was clenched, his bright eyes glaring daggers at the older man you had become fond of. Red was going in on him, but you could unfortunately only make out a few words here and there.

“– even think about it.”

“– brain of – ruin everything –”

“I mean it, Nicholas. – out of line.”

You watched Red’s hands move haphazardly with his words, though his back was to you so you couldn't see his expression. You could only imagine his face was the same shade of his namesake.

Quickly, you stepped out from in front of the window when Red turned to head back inside, but not before Nicholas’ eyes shifted to you. You pressed yourself against the wall, heart pounding within your chest for having just been caught. Again. Why the fuck were you so bad at this sneaking around thing?

Deep breath in, slowly out. Deep breath in, slowly out. You repeated this a few times until you assumed enough time had passed for Nicholas to clear out. Oh, but of course, you were wrong.

Your head slowly dropped into view of the window again, curious eyes immediately going to where Nicholas and Red had been on the doorstep. Empty. With your gaze quickly dancing around, you could feel the anxiety releasing from your body, only until you spotted him a little further up the sidewalk.

Nicholas stood at the waist-high gate, his sights set directly on you. You nervously swallowed because there was no way to explain this away. No way to say that you hadn't been eavesdropping. The expression Nicholas wore wasn't one of anger, though. He appeared more so amused as he watched you through the second story window. The joy of catching you lighting up his eyes.

X X X

A month quickly passed and thankfully without incident. No one stopping by the club to see if you were there. No random phone calls or messages like you were partly expecting. All seemed…normal. At least, for the most part.

Things with Noah were a little odd at times, though. You didn't see him outside of Nocturnal very much, and you hated to admit that you kind of…missed him. Would you be mad to wake up again and find him in your living room? Nope. It was better than gazing out your window for a glimpse of him like some love sick stalker.

He even kept his distance when you were working together. You weren't really sure how that equaled keeping you safe, but you assumed there was some sort of method to his madness.

YOU: You should get some plants or a pet or something.

YOU: Staring at your empty living room is kinda boring sometimes. Liven it up a bit.

HOT NEIGHBOR: I'll be sure to let my interior designer know that my Peeping Tom would like some visual stimulation.

You chuckled to yourself, following it up with an eye roll at Noah’s sarcastic response. It wasn't too often that he would stop being serious long enough to joke back with you, but it always made you smile when he did.

YOU: I'm being dragged out with Melinda tonight for drinks. Do you want to come?

You didn't even want to admit how long it took you to pluck up the courage to ask that. Nothing weird about the offer, right? Just two friends hanging out with other people. Casual. Normal.

HOT NEIGHBOR: I'm working later. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Like he didn't basically make his own schedule. Jackass. You heaved an irritated sigh while giving the response a thumbs down so he at least knew you read it. No other messages were exchanged.

“Let's just go to Limelight!” You whined as you tugged on Mel’s hand in an attempt to drag her across the street later that night.

Your best friend was hell bent on going to Nocturnal despite your pleas to go anywhere else. Not only did you not want to spend time at work while off the clock, but you also didn't want to see Noah. It was only a few days ago that you finally caved and told Melinda about how he worked there with you and was basically your boss. Of course, you left out all the extra details, like how he broke into your house and also had an affinity for cornering and touching you. You figured those weren't really too important. She was ecstatic, just as expected.

“Ugh! Limelight is so lame and you know it! All they do is play shitty Taylor Swift remixes and –”

“Okay, yeah! Maybe! But they have those fun little drinks they drop a glow stick into!”

Melinda deadpanned her expression and stared at you as if to say 'fucking really?’. You dramatically groaned at her silent response, the pregame drinks in your system already working their magic to help you loosen up.

“Fine! Let's go to stupid Nocturnal.”

Skipping the line and getting into the club was a breeze since the bouncer obviously knew you. The angry complaints from the patrons waiting were of no concern to either of you and you thanked him with a quick kiss to the cheek. Marco appeared big and bad due to his rather large stature, but he and his boyfriend liked to foster Greyhounds and go antique hunting on the weekends. He was the nicest guy you had ever met. But would he punch someone in the gut if necessary? Yes. You had seen it more than once.

You giggled along with Melinda as you both sauntered down the long red-lit hallway that led to the main area of the club. Even though you didn't really want to be at your place of work on your day off, you weren't going to let it ruin your mood. Nope, nothing and no one was going to fuck it up. Not even…

“Noah,” you gasped as soon as you stepped into the thunderous sounds of Nocturnal, only to come face to face with your neighbor slash boss slash protector? Fuck, you had no idea what the hell he was to you.

“Jesus Christ, you're even taller in person.” Melinda looked him up and down unapologetically, but his eyes were set on you.

Considering you had just fully crashed into him, though, that wasn't surprising.

“Please tell me this is not where you would've taken me to get drinks.” His tone read as serious but you could see the faint little smirk on the corners of his lips.

Shaking your head, you realized how close you still were to him and took half a step back. You didn't want to. You actually wanted to be as close as you possibly could. Preferably so close that he was insi–

“No,” you finally voiced before you could finish that thought. “We were going to go to Aqua but the line was ridiculous, and Mel refused to go to Limelight, so here we are.”

Noah slowly nodded. “On your day off.”

“On my day off,” you repeated with a sideways glance to Mel.

The frustration in Noah’s eyes was evident, at least to you. He released a long breath, looked left and right as if in search of someone, then settled his gaze back on yours. Oh, how you could so easily get lost in the warm brown of his eyes. Even with the red lights of Nocturnal drowning out most colors, that was one they couldn't touch.

Leaning down a bit closer, probably only just a fraction of an inch but enough to cause your breath to hitch, Noah lowered his tone for only you to hear.

“Be careful,” he warned, worry flaring in his eyes. “I'll be watching.”

Most would regard his words as a threat, but you knew their true meaning. He would be looking out for you. Keeping you safe, just as he promised. Although you wanted to argue that you could take care of yourself (your stubbornness knew no bounds), you both knew otherwise. Noah had so easily broken into your apartment. No alarms had been sounded, no uneasy tingling to signal to you that you hadn't been alone. Nothing. So, maybe you did need another set of eyes watching your back.

“That was…weird,” Melinda said loud enough for you to hear over the heavy bass of the music once Noah had disappeared into the sea of people. “Is he always so tense?”

You raised your brows as you looked at her, laughing. “You have no idea.”

“Anywho!” She quickly changed the subject while guiding your shoulder forward. “We need drinks!”

As much as you loved to drink, you didn’t do it nearly to the extent as you used to. It was a helpful tool when you were with Vane to help drown out the pain of actually being with him, one that lessened in frequency once you were free. Not just because you didn't need the mental escape anymore, but because keeping your senses dulled could be dangerous. The last thing you needed was someone coming for you when you were a wine bottle deep.

You winced as the alcohol burned down your throat before making your face twist in disgust. It was your third shot and you still weren't numb to its effects yet. God, you really hated tequila.

“This is horrible,” you shivered while pushing the miniature glass away from yourself.

“Don't be such a sourpuss,” Melinda struggled to speak through her own grimace. “It's great!”

“Not the word I'd use to describe it but sure.”

“What's got your panties in a twist tonight? I can basically see the storm cloud following you around.”

You cut a look at Mel and shook your head to silently relay that you didn’t want to talk about it. Really, you'd love to talk about it, though. You'd love nothing more than to be able to come clean about everything happening but you weren't going to put Melinda in the middle of it. Selfishly doing just that to Noah was bad enough.

“I'm just tired,” you shrugged. “Haven't really been sleeping well.”

Not entirely a lie.

“Prepare to wake up even more tired tomorrow because we're partying tonight!”

Melinda reached for your hand and was dragging you to the dance floor without another word. You inwardly groaned, already annoyed with all the sweaty bodies bumping into you and making you press closer to your best friend. It was odd for you to be such a buzzkill, even you knew this, but everything happening was truly just weighing on you.

You spent most days terrified. Leaving your apartment was basically a thing of the past unless you were going to and from work. With that came you bumming rides off Noah if your schedules aligned or letting him know when you left and when you arrived at your destination. That was his idea, not yours. You would normally be extremely annoyed with his overprotective nature but you understood. And that's how it would remain until he inevitably crossed a line.

Shaking out your hands, you tried your best to loosen up. The alcohol helped, your head already swimming and your body swaying to the music. It was just hard to forget about it all completely. You did a damn good job at masking it, though.

“I can't believe you get to work here!” Melinda yelled over the music, her arms above her head. “It’s so much fun!”

You laughed as you did a turn along with her, your hands settling loosely on her waist. “It's not like I get to hang out on the dance floor all night!”

Melinda shrugged, a hand waving off another one of your downer comments.

The lights on the dance floor shifted from red to blue to purple in random patterns, making it hard to focus on the familiar face of your best friend. You assumed there was a point to this so people could really lose their inhibitions but Melinda wasn't who you wanted to lose them with.

Your eyes cut up to the ceiling where you knew a camera was mounted. He was watching, just as he said he would be. Even with Noah being floors and rooms away, you could still feel his heavy gaze. You debated putting on a show for him like you did during the housewarming party at your apartment not too long ago, but ultimately decided against it. Too many people. The last thing you wanted was some random guy near you to think you were trying to lure him in.

Eyes closed and fingers running through your hair, you tried to let the music take you. The bass hummed through you, vibrating from your head to your toes in a sensation that actually did make it easier to get lost in. When you turned around and opened your eyes again, you didn't see Melinda right away. You did a quick glance before finding her in the arms of some college-age looking guy with bleached hair and wandering hands that made you grimace. Gross.

Well, she seemed thoroughly distracted, so you decided this was the best moment to take your leave from the dance floor. You maneuvered your way back through the crowd of people and took solace at the bar, close to where the servers would be gathering their drinks.

“Love us so much that you had to come hang on your night off?” Shauna grinned as she filled her tray, sending a wink your way.

“Oh yeah,” you teased. “Just can't get enough.”

“Guy at the other end of the bar has been looking at you, by the way.”

Following her line of sight, you tilted your head enough to see the newly discovered light eyes of Red’s grandson. Nicholas, was it? Your brows furrowed in slight confusion, an expression you only wore for a split second.

“I think he's related to my other boss,” you explained with a shrug. “He's probably trying to figure out where he knows me from.”

At least, that's what you were telling yourself.

“Well, I think he figured it out because he's on his way down.” Shauna gave you a gentle bump with her hip as she sauntered away to serve her drinks, leaving you with no one to distract yourself with for when Nicholas ultimately closed the space.

Which he did in a matter of seconds.

“Imagine all the people to run into,” he began with a lighthearted chuckle. Funny how just a few weeks ago he was sizing you up, and now he was acting like you were a long time friend.

“Yeah, imagine that.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Wow, is that really the line you're going to open with?” You laugh, both brows raising at him.

Nicholas shrugged in a nonchalant manner, his own faint laughter still escaping. He was looking at you again as if he was trying to read who you were right away, possibly like he knew something you didn't. It made you uneasy, but what could truly happen when you were surrounded by hundreds of people?

“I thought it was pretty original. Creative, even.”

“Well, I already know that you don't come here often,” you pivoted. “So what could be the reason you're here tonight?”

Arching a thick brow of his own, he squinted ever so slightly before motioning for the bartender - Paul - to come down your way.

“I'll have a bourbon and she'll take…” Nicholas looked your way with an expectant stare.

“She'll take a gin and tonic, and she’ll also buy her own drink.”

Nicholas flinched playfully, his hand grasping at where his heart was. “Oof, that's gonna leave a mark,” he teased.

“Keep avoiding my question and I'm going to assume you came here to see me.”

You weren't flirting…were you? No, of course not. You were going to explain it away by saying it was just the drinks in your system making you extra bold. You had no interest in Nicholas. You didn't even know him.

You didn't know Noah at first either and you still wanted to fuc–

Nope. That was just another thought you were going to prevent yourself from fully manifesting.

Nicholas nudged your glass towards you once the drinks were set down. “What if I did?”

Taking in the way you only stared at him, slowly blinking with bemusement, Nicholas shook his head. “I just came to scope out the scenery,” he explained. “Seeing you here is merely a…happy coincidence.”

You wanted to call ‘bullshit’, but you kept it in. For now. At least he wasn't giving you the creeps like your last encounter.

It was then that you realized Nicholas was looking past you, his lips again pulling up into a grin. You didn't need to glance back to see who he was staring at because you knew as soon as a hand was lightly pressed to your lower back.

A warmth immediately spread through you and it took whatever self control you still had to not lean back into his touch.

“Ruffilo,” Noah greeted with a blatant disinterest. “Last I checked, you were banned from Nocturnal.”

Your eyes widened but you remained silent, your focus instead falling onto the drink you were now taking a generous swallow from.

Noah leaned down closer to your ear, his voice dropping as he relayed the explanation. “He almost set VIP on fire last time he was here.”

“Accidentally,” Nicholas quickly defended, his tone clipped.

“That still has yet to be determined.”

“I see you're just as much of an asshole as you've always been, King.” The name Noah used while in the club was spoken with a condescending wretch, just before Nicholas tilted his drink back to finish off the remnants.

Noah gave a sideways smirk, his fingers still splayed across your lower back. They occasionally brushed your bare skin from where your shirt had ridden up, and you assumed this wasn't done on accident. “Possibly even more.”

Nicholas glanced back and forth between the two of you, realization finally hitting him. “Oh, that's rich. You're so predictable sometimes,” he chuckled to himself.

What the fuck was going on? It was clear that these two men had some amount of bad blood between them, but to what extent? You had no idea. You wanted to tell Noah that it was okay, that Nicholas was just harmlessly talking to you, though the clench of his jaw and the hard set of his brow told you to not. Despite how angry Noah was, he was doing his best to keep it in check.

“Allow me to see you out?” Noah suggested, although you knew it was more of a demand.

Nicholas didn't put up a fuss as Noah stepped around you and motioned towards the exit of the club. He didn't so much as even look back your way before he was swallowed by the crowd again, leaving you to stew in your own thoughts.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you murmured to yourself. Paul came stepping up in front of you from behind the bar a short moment later, both of his brows raised in an expression of curiosity.

“I'm assuming you didn't know who that was?”

Shaking your head, you quickly finished your own drink. You were beginning to come to terms with the fact that you didn't give a fuck anymore. Every time you turned around there was someone new to be weary of.

“Can I just get a shot of whatever, please?”

X X X

What was it about you allowing strong men to overtake your life? Your father, Vane, and now Noah to a certain degree. Why?

You kept telling yourself that the first two were only out for themselves, whereas Noah was trying to help you. That made it okay to let him be so controlling, right? It wasn't like you were making any effort to stop him.

This wasn't just history repeating itself. Not with Noah. He was funny and kind and had never truly hurt you even when given the prime opportunity to do so. He was keeping you safe. Maybe he was simply a man of his word and took promises seriously. Maybe he would see it through that you were kept out of harm's way.

These were the things that you kept trying to tell yourself. Was it helping to convince you? Eh, sort of.

“There you are,” Noah breathed, the sound of a door softly closing and locking to follow.

You didn’t even remember how you got up here. Wherever ‘here’ was. Your eyes slowly fluttered open to make immediate contact with a light hanging above you, making you slightly wince. It was dim, just as every light in Nocturnal was, but it was still bright enough to force you to turn your head away.

“You had me worried that trouble had found you again.”

You knew you were still in the club. The pounding of the bass behind the closed door told you this. Your hand moved at your side as you lifted it to push your hair from your face, though it hit a hard object in the process. The same object, or so you assumed, then made a soft collision with your hip before disappearing again.

Wait. You now vaguely remember finding the employees only lounge area and making yourself comfortable. It used to be part of a VIP section on the opposite side of the one now currently used, but at some point before your time at Nocturnal it had changed to somewhere employees occasionally came to relax. From what you could tell, it wasn't used very often.

The hard surface you were laying on must be the pool table. The object your hand hit, one of the colorful billiard balls.

“Trouble does always have a way of seeking me out,” you retorted after a long moment. Your eyes cut to where you could sense him standing because maybe he was currently the trouble that had found you this time.

Noah paused at the end of the pool table, his fingers lightly caressing your ankle and working his way up along your calf. Chills formed in their wake, your body immediately coming to life for him. You had been on the verge of fully passing out only moments prior, but now that he was there, you felt like you could run a marathon.

“Or maybe you attract trouble.”

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you silently eyed him. His hair had previously been styled back away from his face, but the forecasted rain had clearly loosened the strands that now hung at his cheekbones. His lips were slightly parted and just begging to be abused by your own, just as the heavily tattooed skin of his neck was. You wanted to know how quickly he would lose his stoic control at your hands…and mouth.

Both inked hands closed around your calves so he could tug your body closer to the edge of the pool table. Your legs would've been dangling off had they not been bent to close in at his hips once he released you, only to lean over your upper body. One hand planted itself by your head to support his weight as the other trailed slowly along the side of your thigh, over your hip, and all the way up to your face where he cradled your jaw.

Your breathing stalled as your emotions went into overdrive. Just the feeling of his skin against yours could make you lose all control, which you knew was very bad, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You wanted him. Every piece, every inch. And you could tell by the way he was looking down at you that he wanted you too.

“Why did you come up here?” His voice was soft and low as his eyes traveled every detail of your face.

It took you a second to process his question, but you eventually found your words and swallowed in preparation. “I wanted to be somewhere quiet,” you nearly whispered. “And I know the cameras aren't routinely checked here.”

“Were you trying to hide from me?”

There's a flash of pain within his dark eyes and you want to soothe whatever unpleasant thought just ran through his mind.

“No,” you exhaled slowly. “I knew you'd find me.”

And just like that, the pain you noticed was extinguished and replaced by something much softer.

Suddenly his lips were on yours in a collision of desperate need. There was nothing slow and tantalizing about the kiss. It was all tongue and teeth, heavy breaths taken when able to, but those were far and few in between. You arched up into him and your hips rubbed against his, the friction forcing a groan from deep within Noah’s chest.

Oh, you wanted to hear that sound again.

A strong hand grasped the back of your neck as your own fingers dragged along his chest, eager to push his shirt up. You only got as far as slipping your hands beneath the dark fabric, both of your tongues still working in tandem in an attempt to dominate the other. Fuck, he tasted so good, but felt even better.

The hem of your skirt was bunched at the top of your thighs, allowing you easier motion to grind up against the man you should be terrified of. Fat chance of that when he could get this sort of reaction out of you. And you him, considering the hard bulge you felt pressed right between your thighs.

Noah broke from your lips so he could hungrily kiss along your jaw and neck. His hand slid around to grip your throat in a firm hold; not enough to hurt, but just enough to drag a whimper from you. Every nerve within your body was on fire. They threatened to fully combust the longer Noah teased your delicate skin, leaving you a writhing mess beneath him.

“Is this allowed?” You heard the words before you even realized you had spoken them.

“What?” Noah’s voice was slightly muffled from where he was now kissing along the exposed portions of your chest. His free hand had somehow dipped down between your thighs without you noticing, giving him free rein to stroke the sensitive skin.

“This…” you swallowed, silently begging for him to bring his fingers closer to where you knew you were wet and ready for him. “Fucking one of your employees?”

You felt him smile before he lifted his head enough for you to actually see it too. His pupils were blown, lips swollen from the forceful kissing you had both just indulged in.

It was then that you felt his fingertips graze the thin fabric of your panties, his eyes further narrowing in on your own. He had obviously noticed how wet you were. You were sure he felt it but you had zero shame. Just looking at him most days could get your blood boiling.

Noah smirked, his fingers still drawing slow and taunting designs over the damp fabric. “Who said anything about fucking?”

What. The. Fuck.

You squinted up at him in confusion. Your head was still swimming and you felt like you were in a haze, but you knew damn well you weren't imagining this. No way was this a dream.

The hold he had on your throat tightened and his hips forcefully pushed forward into yours. Your mouth fell open, brows knitting together as you did your best to swallow all the noises you wanted to make. Noah then loosened his grip on your neck, his lips lowering back to yours for a kiss that was the exact opposite of what they had been. It was gentle and slow, as if he was savoring your taste this time instead of trying to devour you.

“When we fuck for the first time,” he murmured low, “you're going to remember it.”

Noah stood to his full height, his hands caressing the sides of your thighs one last time before he was tugging your skirt down to return you to a mostly modest state.

“Why wouldn't I remember it?”

He quirked a brow at you as he took a step back and began to straighten out his clothing, as well as adjust the bulge in his dark pants. “I watched you order a handful of drinks and take multiple shots,” he stated. “I'd rather avoid the whole ‘did we have sex last night?’ conversation in the morning if I were to fuck you right now.”

You rolled your eyes, your body shooting up into a sitting position so you could follow his lead with trying to appear more presentable. The way he worded what he had said made you inwardly grimace. Was it just an excuse not to fuck you whether drunk or sober? Considering you had been sober the last couple of times he initiated anything between the two of you, you were beginning to think he was just…bored.

“I also don't want to take advantage of you.”

Your eyes cut up to his from under your lashes, lips pressed into a thin line that accurately portrayed your annoyance. What a line that was.

“I can make decisions for myself,” you grumbled before carefully sliding off the edge of the pool table. Noah was quick to reach for your elbow when you stumbled a bit, his much larger form helping to steady you.

“Right, because you're very much not out of it right now.”

Okay, fine. Maybe he was right and you weren't as sober as you liked to believe you were. Didn't mean you were going to admit it though.

You opted to simply remain silent. He could kiss your ass.

Noah released a heavy sigh as he stared at you, his shoulders dropping in defeat. His hand remained wrapped around your elbow even when you refused to meet his gaze now. But what did he expect? You were embarrassed.

“Let me get you home,” he spoke after leaning down to plant a kiss to the crown of your head, his grip on your arm tightening so he could pull you in closer.

One more thing you weren't going to admit was how that small gesture had made your stomach do a somersault.

X X X

The next morning you were sporting a massive hangover. Who was shocked? Not you.

You groaned as you tossed and turned in bed, pulled the comforter over your head, and tried your best to block out the annoying as fuck dinging. What the hell even was that?

“Fucking hell,” you grumbled. Tossing the blankets back, you then realized it was your phone going off, to which you quickly sat up and reached for it.

You had five missed texts from Red, seven from Mel, and one from Noah. Your eyes shifted to the top corner of your phone screen so you could check the time, your heart dropping to your ass when you saw it was well after noon.

Fuck! You had missed work. No wonder Red was blowing up your phone. You were surprised he hadn't called the police to do a wellness check yet. Not once had you ever been late to his house. Early, yes. Late, never.

YOU: I'm so sorry! I was feeling a bit under the weather and didn't realize I had slept through my alarm. I'm on my way right now!

Red responded within a matter of seconds, his punctuality barely giving you the time to even drag yourself out of bed.

RED: No need to worry about today. I'm just glad you're alright. Please rest and do give me a call if you need anything. -R

Well, at least that meant you didn't have to be anywhere now. You heavily sighed as you dropped back against your bed again, mentally preparing yourself for whatever nonsense Melinda had texted you. Actually…you were going to deal with that later. Instead you went right for the single message from Noah.

HOT NEIGHBOR: Let me know when you're awake. There's some aspirin and a glass of water on your nightstand. I'll be at the club if you need me.

A smile crept over your lips as you looked to your bedside table where a bottle of pain medication and a glass of water sat, just as he had said. While you didn't remember all of last night, it would've been impossible for you to forget the weight of his body on yours or how he had helped you up to your apartment in the early morning hours.

But this also meant that you remembered asking him to stay with you…which you assumed he had declined considering there was no indication that anyone had slept in your bed other than you. Fuck, that was going to haunt you for the rest of time.

You downed the aspirin in a single gulp, hoping and praying that it would ease the pressure in your head as soon as possible. After responding to Mel’s multiple angry messages about how the guy she met at Nocturnal sucked, you finally ventured out of your room to find something to eat. That quest left you mostly empty handed since all you could really find was a strawberry Nutrigrain bar. Yeah, you really needed to go grocery shopping.

Snack in hand and your arms crossed over your chest for warmth, you slowly approached the large window in your apartment. Noah’s apartment across the breeze way was empty as far as you could tell, just as it typically was. You studied the basic items in eyesight: couch, television, lamp, a plant. You paused while bringing the Nutrigrain bar up for another bite. A plant?

A small side table was now positioned off to the left of the window and on top of it was a potted plant. The leaves were bright green with flecks of white that you assumed were flowers beginning to bloom. You couldn't stop the smile from overtaking your lips before you rushed back to your room to grab your phone.

Noah had put that plant there for you. There wasn't a doubt in your mind about it. It couldn't just be a coincidence that you brought up needing some “visual stimulation”, as he would say, and then a plant appears.

You immediately found his name in your contacts and tapped the option to call him. It only rang a couple of times before his voice sounded on the other end, the effect it had on you highly visible.

“Are you okay?”

Leave it to Noah to be worried just because you were calling him.

You ignored his question and went into a query of your own. “Have you named it yet?”

“Named…what?”

“The plant in your window.”

There was a brief pause followed by the breathy laugh he did that you liked so much.

“I guess my interior designer liked your suggestion. But no, I haven't named it. I'll allow you that honor.”

“I'll have to think on it.”

“Well,” Noah began again. “Let me give you something else to think on too. Maybe dinner? Tonight?”

You suddenly froze as you were mid-bite into what remained of your Nutrigrain bar. Holy shit. Was he asking you out? You pried your teeth out of the bar without yet taking a bite, your heart now pounding within your chest.

“Like…a date?”

“Unless you'd rather call it a business meeting, then yeah, a date.”

—

And that's how you ended up at Noah’s favorite Japanese restaurant that night. You sat across from each other in a little separate dining area that lined the back wall of the restaurant. Each room was open, but inside of it was a low table that allowed you to sit on soft cushions versus the usual chairs. You were mad at yourself for wearing a dress but Noah told you he would be your shield when you had to stand.

“I'm horrible at this!” You laughed as the piece of sushi fell from your chopsticks yet again.

Noah had been trying his best to teach you how to use them but you were a lost cause to the art.

“It is getting kind of sad watching you fail to eat,” he teased.

With a huff, you set the chopsticks aside and grabbed the piece with your fingers instead. You were done playing games with those complicated utensils, just as your growling stomach also was.

Noah could only shake his head at you in feigned disappointment while showing off his own impressive chopstick skills.

“I'm half Japanese,” he explained, as if that meant the ability to use chopsticks just ran through his veins. Maybe it did. What did you know? Your ancestry definitely wasn't as exciting as his.

“That's cool,” you shielded your mouth as you chewed your lump of fish and rice. “Have you ever been to Japan?”

Shaking his head, Noah mixed a bit of wasabi with his soy sauce before dunking another piece of sushi into it. “Too busy here with the club and everything else. It's hard to even get a night off.”

“But you managed to tonight,” you pointed out with a sly smile.

Noah lifted his eyes to yours, a smile now on his face that mimicked your own. “Jolly owed me a favor.”

All you could do was stare at him, your pleased expression lingering. He looked so different when not in the Nocturnal atmosphere, like he could fully breathe and relax his shoulders for once. Sometimes you found it hard to believe that the man sitting in front of you was one in the same with his Nocturnal counterpart.

“I have a question.”

With his mouth filled with sushi, Noah nodded for you to continue.

You propped your elbows on the table and leaned forward a bit, your voice lowering so no one could overhear. “Why do you stop us from going further whenever you touch my underwear?”

Noah suddenly coughed, his fist lightly banging against his chest to help dislodge whatever had gotten stuck. He eyed you while reaching for his water and taking a generous swallow.

“Have you been sneaking shots of sake?” He questioned through his gulps of water.

Chuckling, you shook your head. “I'm just curious since it's happened twice now.”

Three times if you count the last dream you had of him but that was definitely not something you were going to bring up. Ever.

As he took in a deep breath after regaining his composure, Noah fumbled with his chopsticks. If you didn't know any better then you would say you had made him blush, but you would pass it off as being an effect from his coughing fit. For his sake, of course.

“It's not done on purpose,” he finally replied. “Neither time has been the right time and that just happens to be whenever my head decides to work again. The head on my shoulders, that is.”

You couldn’t help but to faintly smirk at his admission, though you covered it by taking a bite of the ginger on your plate.

“The one below my shoulders…mind of its own.” He murmured under his breath like you wouldn't be able to hear him. You opted not to taunt him for it.

A few topics later and Noah finally pushed his plate away to indicate that he was full. You had already done the same, the sushi weighing heavy on your stomach. You didn't regret a single piece of it, though.

“So, the guy last night, Ruffilo…”

“Nicholas?” You cut him off, brows raised. Noah cleared his throat a bit and nodded.

“Do you know him?”

You shrugged as you sipped from your water. “That was only the second time I've met him. He's the grandson of Red, my other boss. One of many, apparently.”

You could tell that Noah had something he wanted to say but he was contemplating heavily about it. His jaw was clenched, his fingers still fumbling with his chopsticks that were now placed down on the table. You wanted to reach over and grab his hand so he would stop and calm down, but you resisted.

“Whatever it is you want to say, go on and say it.”

“I just really need you to be careful, okay?”

You looked at him with a confused stare, your head tilting to the side slightly.

“Why does it always feel like you're keeping something from me?”

Noah opened his mouth to speak but then paused as the waitress approached. He passed off his debit card when she asked if they were ready for the check, his body language showing how eager he was for them to leave. Why? She couldn't say.

“Noah,” you pressed.

“Because I am,” he finally admitted. “But only to keep you safe. The less you know, the better.”

“Jesus,” you rolled your eyes. “I'm so tired of everyone thinking they know what's best for me.”

“Hey, no, that's not what –”

You cut him off by dropping your napkin into your plate and making a move to stand. You didn't even care if you flashed him in the process because at least the glimpse of your bright red underwear would let him know what he was missing out on that night.

Standing and smoothing out your dress with as much grace as you could muster, you didn't even spare Noah another glance before you were walking away. “I'll be outside.”

Yes, you were mad, but you weren't dumb enough to walk home alone when people were looking for you. The city was big but never quite big enough if you were trying to hide.

Noah found you barely a minute later leaning against the front of the restaurant. With your arms crossed over your chest and your heels digging into the pavement, you glanced his way when you felt his overwhelming presence. He may look like a completely different person when wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but he still had the same effect on you just from being close.

You fucking hated how drawn to him you were. Like you were an idiotic asteroid caught in his planetary orbit and you couldn't get away even if you wanted to. Which…fine, you didn't. Not really. That wasn't something his arrogant ass needed to know, though.

“I liked it,” you softly spoke. You glanced back towards the restaurant over your shoulder, motioning towards it. “The sushi.”

“I told you it was the best in the city,” Noah smiled.

Pushing off the wall, you responded with a sarcastic roll of your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, so you did.”

You began walking towards the parking lot with Noah in tow, his steps quickly meeting up with yours. Damn those long legs of his. With only silence drifting between the two of you, you began to feel the awkwardness seeping in. Not from the silence itself but from your childish storming out. You weren't going to apologize for it because you weren't sorry, not in the least bit, but you knew you could've handled it better.

“It's really frustrating,” you began as your pace slowed and you nervously toyed with the ring on your index finger. “When everyone around you is keeping secrets and you constantly feel like you're on the outskirts of your own life.”

Noah exhaled slowly through his nose, his pace again matching your own until you both came to a halt at the passenger side of his car. He licked over his lips before dropping his gaze to yours, a look of concern present in those eyes of his that you already loved so much.

“I know,” he said as he brushed your hair from your shoulder before lightly grasping the back of your neck.

“I don't think you do,” you shook your head. “My dad, Vane -” you lowered your voice at his name as if just speaking it would summon him from the depths of Hell, “everyone kept me in the dark and expected me to just go along with whatever they had planned.”

You were trying to ignore the way his fingers were lightly stroking the nape of your neck because it would be all too easy to fall into the temptation of that sensation. Apparently your body had other plans, though. Chills formed along your arms and you were sure that if you glanced down then your nipples would be rather present against your dress, so you quickly remedied that by crossing your arms over your chest again. Goddamn him.

“It's not fair, Noah,” you continued. “I have every right to know everything. Well, at least everything that has to do with me. You know what I'm saying.”

Noah smiled as you stammered over your last few words, your aggravation at a boiling point. His hands shifted until he was cradling your face within his palms, the pads of his thumbs lightly stroking along your cheeks.

“You're really fucking cute when you get flustered.”

Your eyes narrowed up at him into a glare and you suddenly pushed against his chest. “You're an asshole,” you muttered.

Noah laughed but still placed a chaste kiss to your forehead before you could shove him away again. He then opened the passenger side door for you and made sure you were settled before venturing around to the driver’s side.

“I'm trying to identify the men who came looking for you from our security footage,” he explained once you had been driving down the road for a few minutes.

“It's proving to be harder than I thought because I doubt guys like that are just going to pop up in a system, so I'm having to dig deeper.”

You finally looked over at him, your face expressionless. You were thankful for his honesty on what was happening but you also wanted to smack him upside the back of the head.

“Why didn't you just ask me who they were? I've been around my dad and Vane’s men for years.”

Noah shook his head, his wrist flexing on the steering wheel where he was using it to drive. “I didn't want you involved anymore than you already are. I told you that I'm trying to keep you safe. If anyone were to catch wind of a girl snooping around with me, it would be very bad.”

He glanced to where you were seated just as his free hand extended out to rest on your thigh. He gave your heated skin a reassuring squeeze, but left his hand to linger. Your heart rate immediately picked up at the skin to skin contact, a shaky breath escaping.

“Play dirty all you want, but I still expect you to show me pictures of these guys.”

“So bossy,” he chuckled, but then gave your thigh another gentle squeeze as a silent acceptance of your demand.

There was a lot of back and forth once Noah pulled into the apartment building as to whether or not he was going to walk you up to your place. You told him again and again that you were fine, but he made the argument of being a gentleman and needing to end your first date right.

How could you deny him that?

Standing outside your door, he had one hand on your hip and the other on the back of your neck. Noah’s version of ‘goodbye’ meant having his tongue in your mouth again but you definitely weren't going to complain about it.

What a gentleman he was indeed.

You fumbled to try to grab your keys from your bag as his lips ignited that familiar fire within you again. He had been right - it was so much better when you were sober. There was no haze lingering that made you question whether or not this was a dream, no swirling thoughts. You could freely feel every hard line of his body against yours and the way his fingers grabbed you with a need that rivaled your own.

“I need to unlock the door,” you murmured into his mouth. Laughing like a love struck little school girl, you managed to turn away from him, but that wasn't stopping Noah from pressing into you from behind and kissing along your neck.

Your eyes fluttered closed and your hands trembled while you tried your best to slip the key in. All while his own large hands had disappeared beneath your dress to graze your bare hips and thighs, turning you into a puddle right then and there.

“Having a hard time?” Noah teased as one of his hands ran across your lower stomach, his fingers dipping just beneath the band of your panties.

You pressed your ass back into him to give him a taste of his own medicine, a deep groan then given to you in response. His grip on your hip tightened just as you managed to unlock the door and push it open. Barely a step in was taken before Noah had you turned around, the door shut, and your body sandwiched against it.

Fuck, you didn't know if you two were even going to make it back to your bedroom. He was on the verge of taking you right there against your front door.

Grabbing beneath your thighs and hoisting you up, your legs immediately secured around his waist and pulled him in close. You could feel how hard he was against your thigh and you were desperate to help him find some relief, but he had found solace at your chest first. Noah tugged the straps of your dress down, his lips trailing eager kisses along your chest and down the valley between your breasts. Each touch of his lips to your skin was like a spark of electricity and you wanted more. Needed more.

“Noah,” you gasped once he had pulled your dress down more and gained access to your bare chest. His tongue flicked across your nipple as your hands threaded through his hair, gripping tight into the locks to keep him in place.

“I can't get enough of the way your body responds to me,” he lowly spoke as he transitioned to your other nipple to give it the same attention.

You smirked, your eyes then slowly opening when your hands dropped to begin working open the button of his jeans. Suddenly, you paused, your body going completely still.

“Noah…” your voice was more serious this time, but it took you lightly tapping his shoulder for him to realize that you were trying to get his attention and not urging him forward.

It only took him a couple of seconds of reading the scared expression on your face and witnessing the trembling of your lower lip for him to follow your line of sight over his shoulder.

Your apartment was a disaster. The cushions of your couch had been ripped apart, side tables overturned, the television smashed. Things previously on your walls now laid destroyed on the floor, just as little knick knacks you had here and there also did.

Noah had you on your feet and your dress situated correctly in a blur. He was wearing the Nocturnal mask now, his face hard and unreadable.

“Stay here,” he demanded, his hand pressing into your stomach to keep you against the door.

Then he began to slowly move through your apartment, checking every corner and closet, glass cracking beneath his feet. All you could do was listen to his command, your arms now hugging yourself and tears threatening to spill over. You weren't going to let yourself cry. Not over materialistic items that didn't truly mean anything.

But what if you had been home when whoever stopped by to ransack your place? Had they come by in hopes of finding you or did they know you were out? Was it targeted or were you simply a random victim of a burglary?

“Everything is clear,” Noah exclaimed a short moment later when he came walking back up to you. You hadn't been able to pull your gaze from the empty picture frame that laid shattered on the floor, though. It used to house an image of you and Mel from your fifteenth birthday.

“Are you okay?” His voice was soothing but it was his hands lightly touching your face that brought you back to reality. Noah tilted your head up to look at him, your eyes meeting through the dim lighting after he had turned the kitchen overhead on.

“I need you to ignore the mess and pack a bag, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“What? Why? Where are we going?” You were slightly frantic as your eyes searched his, but it was expected when your entire life was being turned upside down - literally.

“You're going to stay with me until I can figure out what to do, alright? So, please, go pack a bag and be quick.”

Noah was eager to get going, you could tell from his voice that he was trying his best to remain calm and collected for you, though. He continued to lightly push your hair back, his fingertips grazing your jaw until you were finally able to nod.

As you began to slowly maneuver your way around the disaster that was your apartment, you paused in the hallway, your hands fisted at your sides.

“Noah,” you called out softly. “This is the last time I run from these assholes, got it?”

CHAPTER FIVE

▷ tag list

@bloody-spades

@simpforromance

@koffemilk

@traffordonna

@oobleoob

@mentallyillbartender

@respectfulrebel

@lilsugacubeot7

@missduffsblog

@lacy1986

@aprosiacperson

@mayaslifeinabox

@dravenskye

@blvckmvgicwoman

@badomensls

@trvshdxddy

@concreteangel92

@moostress19

@happyclifford

@lolidontknowanymore

@shaydayhere

@flowery-mess

@wheels1193

@thelavenderdaisy

@palesworrdsman

@bruce9818

@bridemassacre

@lonelydragonlady

let me know if you would like to be added!

#noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fan fiction #bad omens fan fiction #noah sebastian series #bad omens series #noah sebastian x reader #bad omens x reader #noah sebastian smut #bad omens smut #on display #noah sebastian fic #bad omens fic #treacheryinblue

129 notes · View notes

mscherub · 4 months ago

Text

Right, so…you’re transported to a new world, and me being the science geek I am, I can’t help but think of all the bacteria you wouldn’t be accustomed to in Twisted Wonderland…so imagine how bad flu season would be, or just the spreading of sicknesses around the school in general

You better have a good immune system cause oml would it be put into overdrive. Anyways…here’s my twist on what the Scarabia boys would do in order to be helpful in your recovery ❤️‍🩹

Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, Diasomnia

Warnings!:

Sickness, obviously

Mentions of vomiting, snot, etc

To start us off…

It’s flu season in Twisted Wonderland, well you call it the flu, they call it something else you don’t even bother to learn. With you’re immune so shot and not used to the illnesses that spread around, getting sick more often that you honestly should, you woke up with a headache. Ok…nothing too serious, but you thought it to be a good idea to just take some ibuprofen equivalent in their world and “thug it out,” which ultimately lead to your current situation. Currently, you’re in the infirmary, having passed out from a raging fever and a disgustingly congested respiratory system during PE and you’re bed ridden back at ramshackle, at least until your fever goes down. Sevens bless Grim and the ghosts as they try and get you things to feel better, but you need some sort of intervention, and here comes you’re favorite person at the right time. How do they help you out?

Kalim ☀️:

Ok, saying this and being as nice as possible, Kalim would try to take care of you, key word is try there, yall. It’s literally cannon that he’ll go to any extent if he puts his mind to it, and your his concern right now, so he’ll try

I mean, he has literally had everything handed to him on a silver or gold platter, probably both, so when he hears what happened and that your sick, first thing he’ll do is comprehend it, then he’s gonna freak out and he’s going to go and help you out through any means. Granted it’s not that big of deal, but to him it is. You’re a good friend and person :(

Safe to say he wouldn’t know exactly all of what to do. He probably drags Jamil along with him to Ramshackle to have him cook you something while he just sits and pouts at you. Great help

He’ll chill in your room with you and probably yap your ear off, but he doesn’t mind if he gets sick because of you, so cough and sneeze away. He’ll laugh with you, and hopefully make you laugh with him

He’ll remember to give you you your medicine on time surprisingly enough. I don’t think he’d forget, he’s still capable of that. He’ll ask Jamil to brew something or go buy other medicines that’ll help you get better quicker. Also…maybe buy you more blankets, pillows, emotional support animals—

Stop him from buying you anything extra, it’ll save you and Jamil the extra stress :)

Jamil 🐍:

He already has Kalim to watch and now he has to go take care of you? Well, at least you’re more tolerable so he won’t won’t complain, and he is doing this on his own, so there’s that for the excuse

Of course Jamil is going to cook for you. He’ll make you whatever you want, but if you don’t eat it I fear he may get a little pissed off…don’t waste his time if you're not hungry!

He’ll clean around Ramshackle, disinfecting, etc. but if he sees a bug he will stop and he will go grab grim, and just like those people with their cats, put him in front of the bug so Grim can get it

Now, he doesn’t want to get sick himself, so he will keep his distance while you stay in bed. He has stuff to do around his own dorm and he can’t afford to become ill because of you. Don’t cough or sneeze on him, he’ll walk out.

While you lay in bed, he’ll sit downstairs and he’ll write down his notes for you, a get well well token from him to you

He’s on top of medicines, very calculated with that, and since he’s kind of educated on the topics of remedies, specifically for Kalim’s sake, he’ll use that knowledge and maybe brew you up something to expedite the process of your recovery

Sorry for not posting for a day 💀

Anyways…I’m gonna try and finish up the bed ridden series tomorrow so I can start on a new one, and also post a Vil oneshot soon, hopefully, we’ll see if I have energy. ANYWAYS, THANKS FOR READING LOVELIES MWAHHHHH!!!

Master list

Please don’t steal or copy any of my work! You may, however, reblog if you’d want to!

Pictures belong to Disney Twisted Wonderland but are edited by me :)

#twisted wonderland #scarabia #twst jamil #jamil viper #twst kalim #kalim al asim #twisted wonderland jamil #twisted wonderland kalim #comfort #sickness #feel better #fluff #headcanon #scarabia x reader #<3 #kalim x reader #jamil x reader

110 notes · View notes

chuuwtoy · 1 year ago

Text

ive noticed that a lot of people seem to misunderstand S.T.A.R.S era wesker. i see it in fanfiction a lot where he's a complete and utter emotionless hardass.

i dont think this was the case in canon. working as a captain in a unit akin to SWAT you have to be tough, stern, and the like, but albert also needed to gain the trust of his team - and being unapproachable and feared is not the way to go, and he knows that.

every iteration of wesker is pretty different from each other. peter jessop's version is the one im going to be talking about since that version of wesker is who we see in RE remaster.

wesker is actually quite informal with his alpha team members, referring to them by their first names a number of times, and they don't use "sir" or "captain" on him at all. his tone, and language also give off major chill vibes (although this is probably because his plans are coming into fruition) he's a bit soft-spoken and doesnt sound nearly as sophisticated as he does in most fanfiction.

when i first became obsessed with resident evil i remember analyzing everything in the S.T.A.R.S office, it didnt stand out to me before but there were dart boards, CDs, chris' guitar, etc ... i bet they had more fun in that office than we thought. but what really gets me is that wesker must've allowed them to bring this stuff in (which is really funny because i'm imagining him raising eyebrows at chris bringing in this huge guitar one morning).

he trained members of the alpha team (and maybe bravo team too?) not only because thats his job but because he needed that combat data as well. though, i'd argue that sending people that were ill-prepared is sorta dumb and a waste. rebecca wasnt great at physical combat and brad was... a chicken, you'd think he'd work harder to have them become better but nope. he probably gave S.T.A.R.S leeway a bunch of times.

of course, i think the idea of him being a bit mean and an asshole to atleast one specific person in S.T.A.R.S is enthralling- whether it be chris, jill, a self-insert or whatever! also this wasnt made to bash any headcanons, do what you want! it's all fictional stuff anyway ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ just thought i'd share my incoherent thoughts (๑>؂•̀๑)

#resident evil #albert wesker #chris redfield #jill valentine #rebecca chambers #okaayyy why is it cringe to tag characters who ive briefly mentioned wwwww

352 notes · View notes

freakenomenon · 2 months ago

Note

YES HEIDHEUDJ THAT QUESTION WAS A JOKE

anyways REAL question

Do you have any Ellen-specific headcanons, thoughts, etc? Can be about anything, I just wish to know your interpretation of her!

EHE. I HAD A HUNCH ( the camera pans to a giant glowing vegas style billboard that says "autistic" pointing directly at me )

now , i have a LOT of Ellen-specific headcanons , interpretations and thoughts. that i do not have the energy to retype. so i think it would be best for me to just find all my favorites from other posts and put them here in sections.

starting with ;

Why I think AM calls Ellen pet names

within my own fucking delusion. id like to think its also because ellen is constantly talking about love ( at least from teds perspective in the short story ) and the fact that its remarked several times in her psychodrama as well as in the others descriptions of her. that she isnt as experienced socially as she is with her work ethic and her studies in general. not only because of her own beliefs, but likely because of societies view on her as a black woman as well. remarking on moments in her childhood where she felt mistreated because of it. "I curl up my lip, the way I practiced in the mirror for days when I was in seventh grade, so I could tell the kids in school to go to hell when they teased me."

"What purpose could you have here other than to steal something?"

" The question stirs up a lot of bitter memories from when I was a little girl. Sometimes, I'd go into a convenience store, and the clerks would think I was a thief just because of the color of my skin. " ( side note, alongside her being pushed aside and metaphorically spat at obviously for being a little black girl. ellen also gives me the vibes of an autistic person who was never told that they had any mental conditions simply because their parents, her grandparents in this case, didn't want them to "use it as a crutch" .. but thats just me )

perhaps even growing anti-social because of this, struggling with human connection and often seeing her own emotions as illogical, getting angry at herself for wanting to cry or for rushing into things. which are just. generally very humane things to do. and implied to render others as illogical for "wasting their minds" . her character background stating "she knew in a deeply superficial intellectual way that "a mind is a terrible thing to waste," i imagine that after her being assaulted, losing her husband , and their child. alongside the trauma within her childhood, LITERALLY watching people she loved die whilst in "the ghetto" ( its still so crazy to me that they never mention this in the GAME. ) , and her incredibly flawed views on emotional status. she detatched herself from personal connection more and more. not only out of a belief that she didn't NEED it , but out of a fear of being incapable. being undesirable unless the other person wants something out of her. after losing so much because of it, rendering herself as incapable of connection. running away from it as much as she did her emotional problems. they're illogical, hysterical, why should she waste her time with them? why should she waste her time with people. but, under AM. completely powerless with nowhere to run away. all she can do is take in everything and let it consume and destroy her. even if it is something that isn't initially meant to hurt her. words of love, of care. being treasured. alongside furthering her paranoia by telling her she should be afraid of the others. being reassured, with the wrong message. being coddled and warmed by words of affection, but still with the wrong intentions, by the wrong person. and she cant run away, she cant fight, she cant redirect her attention. kill em with kindness, i suppose. or torture them. that works too.

Thoughts on Ellen and Benny's relationship. ( get it , i made it purple. cause. lavender. lavender marriage. get it )

ill start off like this

both ellen and benny have it the worst when it comes to the survivors alterations , not ted. ( EVERYONE BOOS ) as well as the fact that AM "hating everyone equally" is simply. a lie. and they're proof of that. its insane to me that , while picking apart everyone's personalities , their flaws , what makes them tick. AM specifically chose to mangle and dehumanize the only queer man , outwardly made him look like some sex-pest brute , and then stripped him of his identity in one fell swoop. As well as reduce the only black person and the only WOMAN to the overly emotional , hysterical , whore.

it’s incredibly fascinating to me that AM not only reduced them both to the incredibly harmful stereotypes ALREADY forced upon them by the society he turned to rubble with the flip of a switch. But also stripped them of their ability to even express themselves within , and outside of those parts of their identities. I imagine that's why they are seen to be the closest ( element of their characters that i really hated being taken away in the game. benny would not have called ellen an idiot for being scared he wouldn't he wouldn't STOP )

I can’t help but imagine that the only reason benny would have “complied” or at least pretend to comply with the system the other men likely set up with ellen is to. shield himself , create a false narrative and hide the fact that he was gay to protect himself. which, is sadly incredibly accurate to how queer people in the real world often mask their identities to survive. having to conceal a part of themself that they can't change. its also worthy to note that while benny was able to mask , ellen can't just. cover up the fact shes a black woman , she cant hide or run away or deny what she is. and in her situation , she also can't run away from the consequences that come from. Merely existing. “Wrong.” and cant shield herself from the grief and mental strain that comes with that kind of dehumanization by avoiding the elephant in the room all together.

in my head, ellen and benny didn’t start off. Actually having sexual encounters. i imagine benny tried to get into it the first time , and ultimately was uncomfortable. only to be slapped in the face with the notion of ellen. also being uncomfortable. and still feeling as though it couldn't be avoided. Both of them having this kind of “I only agreed to this because i thought it was what you wanted.” mentality. and actually becoming attached to each other as a result. without the mental burden of thinking that the other only views them as a sexual object

yknow

only to have that all swept from under their feet by AM.

seeing ellen wiping spittle from his mouth and holding his hand and trying to make sure hes safe is genuinely kind of heart wrenching when you think of it from less of a "oh shes the nicest of course shes doing that" and more of her. trying to keep the last scraps of her friendship with the only man who actually cared for her outside of what she can offer him alive , scraping and clawing to stay attached to what used to be her only equal. man.

Ellen's Favorite Foods

she often mentions particularly citrus-based / acidic fruits with sweeter tastes. as well as products with particularly bright flashy labels. so from what i can gather i imagine she has a massive sweet tooth , but a preference for natural sweetness instead of sickeningly sweet candies and such. for savory foods ?

i'd imagine she likes anything that doesn't take too long to make or , liking home cooked meals , they feel more hospitable and less. empty. but still shamefully finding herself indulging in the same sloppy takeout from down the street , just to fuel her body. knowing she can afford better for herself ,, but generally just not bothering to humor the thought.

i can see her repeat ordering orange chicken and sticky rice from whatever chinese place is the closest. burgers are too greasy, but she wont turn her nose up if its the only option. ....... she probably thinks olive garden is fancy. i think she'd enjoy pasta in general too!!! i dont know if drinks also count within this but she casually refers to gorrister's honky tonk as if it's something familiar , kind of implying she enjoys alcoholic drinks. probably liked ice tea considering she still remembers the commercials after 109 years. neutral on smoothies, thinks their consistency is tolerable at best. based on the mentions of fruit, she probably likes fruit juice. which is funny because most smoothies are just fruit juice but thicker.

Miscellaneous scenarios that i think i wrote during manic episodes ( half joke. )

in. the event of ellen and ted knowing eachother pre AM.

ellen can't legally hurt ted the way she wants to, she can't rid herself of him naturally without the emotional strain. he has her in an almost hostage like situation. go back to nothing, or stay with the creep. so she just. hurts him in a way thats cathartic in the moment. to ease her desire to rid herself of him. listening to the burning end of the cigarette sputter against him and scald the spot she mindlessly chose. followed by the sound of him hissing and choking down a sob. she tries not to think about how much he enjoys it. almost ashamed at the gratification she gets from looking at the scabbed over puckered blotches. still, she wonders how much he'll tolerate beyond that. at some point ellen takes a hold of teds hair and forcefully exposes his neck, he's stunned. unmoving as she stares intently at the collection of marks. pressing the lit end of the cigarette in the same area. it's attention, he'll take it. she thinks. unhappy knowing how correct she is.

―――

thinking about ellen and AM. do you think that he takes her to the side sometimes after months of plaguing the survivors with famine and feeds her. feeds her something raw and gory. only as a way to dehumanize her. to watch her cry and thank him for the bare minimum, shuddering over a pile of disgusting muscle and tissue. giggling as she sobs through bloody teeth. even through all the gagging and illness. the humiliation of being treated like a dog. she's thankful. grateful, even. another moment of what she can only process as kindness or generosity,, despite the brutalization of her pride and her self worth.

still in hysterics, he stifles laughter as she regroups with the others. still filthy and reeking of blood. its degrading. unbearable. and still. AM knows she'll come back and do it all over again. just to feel the minimal endearment. the favoritism. special treatment at the cost of her dignity. a taste of the scum of what raw humanity is like

... i think that's it.

im gonna go eat.

#ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #ellen ihnmaims #ihnmaims ellen #ellen i have no mouth and i must scream #i have no mouth and i must scream ellen #ted ihnmaims #ihnmaims ted #ted i have no mouth and i must scream #i have no mouth and i must scream ted #boris answers asks.#FAVE #just for me

24 notes · View notes

mashithamel · 1 year ago

Text

When I first heard Rand would be working in a sanitarium in season 2 and he’d have a friend named Errol, I was kind of annoyed. Why would they spend precious time in a location and on a character that aren’t in the books, when there is so much ground to cover and so many characters to introduce?

But they used this setting and this character so economically, and so efficiently, that I have been completely converted. They didn’t waste a moment of screentime for Errol, and in only a few minutes justified his creation as a terrific vehicle for exposition and to introduce so many important concepts.

As soon as Rand walks in the door we’re introduced to the Aiel War (specifically—I means we got Blood Snow last season but it wasn’t put in a lot of context). We get a personal view into how much Cairhein specifically was affected by it (the effects of which are mentioned a couple more times this season), as well as giving it a relative timeframe—Errol is much older than Rand, so it wasn’t just a few years ago.

We are reminded that Rand looks like the Aiel even with shaving his head, reminding us about his adoption and that he’s an outsider. Here in Cairhein, even when people know and like him, the citizens are likely to have a gut reaction of surprise or fear when they first see him, something that may contribute to his difficulties ruling the place down the road. We are reminded that they are considered fierce fighters, and introduce that their women also fight and are considered deadly.

We are introduced to sword forms! We didn’t get Lan training Rand in either season (although it sounds like we will finally get it next season!), so it’s nice to learn he’s been getting at least some introductory training if he’s going to be a blademaster eventually. It’s also very consistent with the books for Rand to take advantage of opportunities to learn whatever and from whoever he can. We’re reminded about Rand’s heron-marked blade (before it does its important thing and melts in episode 8) and make the connection that it is carried by blademasters.

So importantly, we see how kind Rand is. He clearly knows and likes this crazy old man who’s calling for the guards. He speaks to him kindly without a trace of annoyance that they’re having the same conversation they do everyday (anyone who cares for people with dementia can probably understand that is really hard at times!). He puts Errol’s shoes on for him. This isn’t quite washing feet, which Biblically speaking is an act of humbling one’s self, but it’s definitely the sort of thing you wouldn’t expect the Promised One to be doing routinely. Right now it’s his job to do, but he does it with the care and compassion you might have for an elderly family member. He defends and comforts Errol when another employee is cruel. At heart Rand is kind and loving. Killing, ordering executions, sending people into danger where some will definitely die are all things he will need to do as Dragon Reborn, and his struggle with this will inform a large part of his arc over the next few seasons.

We see the inequality of the Cairheinin system (and then more blatently at the dinner party). Unsurprisingly the Cairheinin separate their health care by wealth and power, and it sounds like the poor ones may not even have a garden to walk around in? The Two Rivers doesn’t really have this type of inequality, and some of the first things Rand does in the books as the Dragon Reborn is make the elite start treating the poor and lower classes more fairly.

And of course we get PTSD and mental illness. Both PTSD and fears of going mad are important for Rand later, so this early introduction helps define the stakes for him.

It was such a short scene, and I’m sure there are other details those with more skill could expand on (the horse that Rand sets upright? the color palate?). I just really appreciated how much the writers crammed into an original character to help lay the groundwork not just for this season but for seasons (hopefully) to come.

#wheel of time #rand al’thor #errol #wot on prime #wot book spoilers #rambling thoughts

105 notes · View notes

thelastofcait · 4 months ago

Text

this purely meant for me to put my thoughts out about the tiktok ban in writing. i’m not expecting anyone to care/read this but nevertheless!

i am genuinely so devastated about the tiktok ban; for more reasons than just not having silly little videos to waste my time on. tiktok has become such an integral part of my life since i downloaded it in 2017, when it wasn’t even tiktok yet. a lot of my personality and values came from it, as it exposed me to things and people i never would’ve thought about on my own. i live in a small, rural country town in ohio, people here aren’t always exactly super open-minded and supportive of people different than them, and tiktok gave me a place and introduced me to people who made me feel less alone. i could enjoy the things i loved without the fear of judgement.

i was in a really dark place in 2022-2023, and while some of the content i consumed might’ve worsened my mental state, it also played a HUGE part in my recovery. i was able to see the world through so many perspectives and learn and understand so many people’s morals and beliefs. i saw things that i never knew existed, things that made me want to really live so i could see them one day. i saw people like me, gay people, autistic people, mentally ill people, and so many others living lives i didn’t think were possible for someone in my position. i got motivation from people who didnt know who i was or even that i existed. while there’s was a lot of hateful stuff on there, there was also an overwhelming amount of real care and compassion that you don’t see very often in real life.

i’ve practically documented my whole life on tiktok since i was 8 years old. and yeah, maybe that isn’t great, but those videos are some of the only ways i have to remember whole years of my life. without the app, im going to lose memory of entire parts of my life that i can’t remember on my own.

this isnt even mentioning how so many people (including myself) use tiktok as a way to know what’s going on around the world. conflicts and victories from nations on the other side of the globe that don’t get covered fairly (if at all) on the news. it gives people the ability to spread the word and take action on and against issues that need to be talked about, but are censored or ignored otherwise. tiktok is overall just such a massive bank of knowledge and information that has been used for amazing things for years, and now we might not have that anymore.

i don’t know which direction America is going, but it doesn’t look like it’s forward. i’m terrified for the next four years. i’m terrified for my friends, myself, and my future. i have hope, but it gets harder and harder everyday when i repeatedly see things like this happening.

#tiktok ban #tiktok #tiktok refugee #politics #mental health #america #usa politics #usa

7 notes · View notes

thepenguinclub · 8 months ago

Text

dancing with our hands tied

jegulus, dancer!regulus, smitten!james, mutually beneficial agreements (ill do soemthign for you if i get to give you a little smooch on the forehead), open ending

Wordcount: 2,423

Summary:

When Marlene had first invited James along to pick up her new girlfriend from her dance studio, he had been slightly curious but mostly more interested in the nachos they were going to get afterwards. But one thing had led to another, and then he was watching Marlene’s girlfriend dance something called a jive with the most gorgeous man he had ever seen, moving so quickly and fluidly that James had, for the first time in his life, had to seriously consider needing to leave a room for fear of embarrassing himself.

So, James being James, he had immediately needed to speak to the man, who had introduced himself as Regulus. And, because James really had no self-control, he had then proceeded to call the man beautiful, asking him on a date, and then giving him his number despite his repeated refusals. Not his finest moment, and James had genuinely contented himself to never stepping foot back in Marlene’s girlfriend’s place of work ever again and possibly also moving to China, but then the unthinkable had happened. Regulus had texted him.

---

Regulus needs a favor, and James is more than happy to help.

hey. i think ive decided my presence on this website will just be me randomly uploading shit i speedwrote and did not reread whenever motivation strikes, and you know what? im okay with that.

this is my first jegulus work, i love them. this idea hit me in the shower and instead of imagining a whole book surrounding this one interaction i decided that i was just going to write this as a oneshot and if i decide to expand upon it later, good for me. if not, whatever. if you feel struck by motivation after reading this and want to continue it, go for it (if you do please credit it me because i would love to read it).

otherwise yeah i think that's it. enjoy.

WARNINGS: drinking (coffee), swearing, james has some dirty thoughts but none are explicit, just maybe imply explicit stuff, mentions of the control walburga and orion have over regulus, implied depressive feelings

if theres anything i missed let me know and i'll add it :)

-----------

The cafe around James was not at all what he had expected when he had agreed to meet with Regulus.

Granted, James had only spoken with Regulus once, so what did he really know? Quaint, pastel coffee shops could be right up the other man’s alley, though somehow James doubted that. With his pale skin, glossy black curls, sharp cheekbones and lithe figure, Regulus looked more likely to be found at a Victorian ball than a cafe in downtown London.

And yet, there he was, walking briskly through the door, just as striking as the first time James had seen him. He was in a soft-looking gray sweater, and black trousers that hugged his thighs. James lifted a hand from his table and smiled at him, only receiving a quick nod in return before Regulus was stepping up to the counter to order.

The conversation that had led to that point had been a short one, starting with a ping on James’ phone and a ‘James Potter? This is Dorcas’ friend, Regulus.’ and ended in a ‘see you there!!!! 😁’ Honestly, James had assumed it had been a waste of time to give Regulus his number at all, seeing as he had appeared very uninterested in James’ original advances when Dorcas had first introduced them. Which she had warned him about, of course, but James couldn’t help it; watching Regulus and Dorcas dance the way they had was nothing short of a transcendent experience.

“Thank you for coming,” Regulus said in his posh, perfect accent. Every move he made was graceful and precise, from the way he sat in the chair to the way he lifted his coffee to his lips to sip it slowly. James was obsessed.

“Happy to,” he replied, smiling widely. He was going for ‘a friendly guy’ and not ‘in love with a stranger’, and hoped he succeeded. After a moment of silence, when Regulus continued to sip his coffee and James continued to stare at him, James cleared his throat and pushed up his glasses. “I was surprised you texted me. Not that I didn’t want you to, of course, but you had just seemed, well…”

“Uninterested,” Regulus filled in for him after the word had stretched on for a few seconds. James nodded. “I was.”

“What changed?” James asked curiously, his fingers tightening around his own cup of coffee. He had drained it a few minutes before Regulus had walked in, which was, in hindsight, a bad idea.

Regulus sighed.

“I appreciated your honesty at the studio, James,” he said seriously. “And I am sorry, but I cannot be for you what you want me to be.”

“I don’t want you to be anything,” James refuted immediately. “I am happy for this to be whatever you want it to be.”

“That’s nice of you.” Regulus’ lips twisted, and he took another sip of his coffee. James watched his Adam’s Apple move as he swallowed. “I was hoping to repay you with some honesty of my own, really. That’s why I asked you to meet.”

“I’m all ears.” James leaned forward. This man was very interesting, and trust that James was very interested. It also seemed to him that Regulus wasn’t particularly honest often, and that he should make sure he paid attention to whatever he was about to say.

“I don’t have time for friends,” Regulus told him, “much less a significant other. I spend twelve hours a day, six days a week in that dance studio. When I’m not there, I am preparing to take over my family’s investments when I inherit them. When I am not doing that, I am studying for the online classes I take at Oxford. The only friends I can truly afford to have are the ones that are at the studio with me. As you can imagine, their friendships are very dear to me.”

James nodded, and Regulus blew out a long breath.

“My family puts a lot of importance on my dance career, specifically my mother. Her expectation is that I am perfect.”

“That’s impossible,” James interrupted with furrowed brows. “Sorry, but- she must know that no one is perfect.”

“No one is perfect except for me,” Regulus corrected calmly. “She, nor I, will settle for less. For a very long time, my mother has been arguing to send me to a dance studio in Paris, one that is much more prestigious than the one I am at currently. I come from a different class than Dorcas, or Barty and Pandora, who I believe Dorcas introduced you to.”

“She did,” James confirmed, crossing his arms on the table. He didn’t like any of what Regulus was saying, and felt extremely protective of him, and angry on his behalf. He forced himself to remember that he had only met this man a week ago, and that they still did not know each other.

“The only one of our friends who matches me in social standing is Evan and he has recently made some… controversial decisions. That is what had resulted in my mother seriously pushing for my movement to France.” Regulus paused, pursing his lips.

“Have you told Evan this?” James asked cautiously. “I don’t know you or him very well, but if he’s your friend I’m sure he would stop if he knew it was hurting you.”

“No,” Regulus answered fiercely. “Evan is taking a stand against his family for what he believes in, and I will always support him. To ask him to stop would be to trap him in his situation, and I would never do that to him. And he would certainly stop if I were to let him know of my situation.”

“Alright, well, there has to be something you can do,” James argued, feeling rising up in his chest. “Your parents can’t just ship you off to France, you’re a grown adult.”

“For complicated reasons I cannot explain to you, yes, they can,” Regulus sighed. “My age has no bearing in the matter. For all intents and purposes, they have complete control over me. But you’re right, there was something I could do. I got my mother to agree to a contract.”

“A contract?” James asked, eyes wide. Regulus simply hummed.

“Indeed. She would not force me to leave London if I could prove that I was not wasted at my current studio, and that my skills were improving. She agreed that I could do this by performing a specific way at the upcoming world ballroom dance competition.”

“Ignoring the horrifying fact that your mother made you sign a contract for your freedom,” James started slowly, “how are you supposed to perform? Please tell me she doesn’t expect you to win the whole thing.”

“No, not quite.” Regulus gave him a humorless smile, which briefly stopped James’ heart. “I must win every single category that I compete in except for one, as well as receive two perfect scores and break one record.”

“What the fuck?” James asked, appalled. “How is that possible? I mean, I’m sure you’re amazing, but that has to be impossible, or at least extremely difficult. How could she expect you to do that?”

“She doesn’t,” Regulus answered primly, swirling his coffee in his hand as if it were an exquisite red wine. “And you’re right, it is, while not impossible, extremely difficult. But I work very hard. And you were right again. I am amazing. I’ve planned out every category that I am competing in and every dance or event I will participate in and have it down to a perfect plan in which the terms are met.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but,’” James sighed, biting his lip.

“But, a majority of the categories that I have to win are paired dances. Which means that even if I perform perfectly, I cannot guarantee a win.”

“Because it relies on Dorcas to perform perfectly as well,” James finished, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. “That’s horrible.”

“It is what it is.” Regulus copied his movement, reclining in his chair much more graceful than James. “Dorcas is completely capable of performing the way she needs to, but not if she is worried. She needs to have a clear head.”

“She would be worried if she knew your future rested on her performance,” James couldn’t help but say. Dorcas was lovely, from the few times he had hung out with her and Marlene, but she did seem like somewhat of an anxious person, and he also knew that Regulus was her best friend. James could only imagine what it would be like to know that Sirius’ future happiness rested on his shoulders.

“Exactly,” Regulus agreed, “which is why I’m not telling her, or any of my friends. If it happens, it happens, and there’s nothing they can do about it. If it doesn’t, there’s nothing to worry about. But either way, she doesn’t need that kind of pressure.”

“Alright, that all makes some kind of twisted sense.” James pushed his glasses up his nose again. “Where do I fit into it?”

“Dorcas is already worried about me.” Regulus sighed heavily and rubbed a hand across his face. Despite the heaviness of the conversation, James couldn’t help but swoon a bit. “She believes that I am unhappy, and worries about my lifestyle.”

“Well… are you unhappy?” James asked slowly. Regulus waved his hand, as if physically batting the words out of the way.

“Whether I am or not is neither here nor there. What’s important is whether Dorcas thinks I am. Which is, as you said, where you come in.” Regulus pointed at James with a long, thin, perfectly manicured finger. James dug his nails into the meat of his thigh to stop himself from thinking about sucking on it. “Dorcas has, for some reason, decided that you are the key to my happiness, either as a friend or boyfriend. I don’t have time for either.”

“You want me to pretend to be your friend or boyfriend?” James squinted at him, his heart experiencing an interesting squeezing feeling. “Am I understanding that right?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Regulus clenched his teeth, the muscles in his jaw flexing with the movement. James reminded himself to focus.

“Sorry, can we back up to the part where you never answered if you were unhappy or not? I feel like that’s a little important,” he said, concern buzzing under his skin. They had only been talking for a small while, but James had given up on pretending that he shouldn’t feel so strongly about Regulus and had decided to just dive right in. He was concerned and angry and protective and he wanted to wrap Regulus in a hug. He settled for waiting for a response.

“I don’t…” The man across from him seemed to struggle with his answer for a moment before letting out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you want to be?” James asked.

“I don’t know,” Regulus repeated, sounding more and more unsure of himself. He squirmed a bit in his seat, for the first time looking something other than calm and collected. Two spots of color rose on the height of his cheekbones, and he bit his lip. Fuck, James wanted to eat him.

He shook his head sharply. Not the time.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” James offered. “I’ll pretend to be your friend or boyfriend or whatever you want for as long as you want.”

“And in return?” Regulus asked, face suspicious but intrigued. He leaned forward in his seat and folded his hands on the table.

“You try and be happy, and don’t stop until you are,” James answered firmly. “And then you say to me, “James, I’m happy,” and really mean it. When that happens, you’ve done your part.”

Regulus stared at him for a long time. James stared back. He hadn’t felt this strongly about anything or anyone in… forever. He’d never felt this strongly about anyone, and James made a silent deal with himself then that he wouldn’t let Regulus go. That whatever his answer was, this would not be that last time they saw each other.

“Okay,” Regulus agreed finally, face blank and eyes inscrutable. “I agree to your terms.”

James reached a hand over the table, and Regulus took it without hesitation. They shook hands, and James really wished he wasn’t thinking about how mouthwatering their skin tones looked against each other in such an important moment.

“You’re a very strange man, James Potter,” Regulus told him as he let go. James smiled.

“Thank you, Regulus- er…”

“Black,” Regulus supplied, with a slight smile of his own. James’ breath stuttered at the sight. “Regulus Black.”

“Regulus Black,” James repeated, tasting the name on his tongue. “You have the same last name as my best friend.”

Regulus hummed in response and finished his coffee, standing. James stood as well.

“I have to get back,” Regulus said, “but I’ll text you.”

“I’ll be waiting,” James replied, cringing a second later. Definitely missed ‘a friendly guy’ and fully crossed into ‘in love with a stranger’ on that one. Although, Regulus wasn’t really a stranger anymore.

James was rewarded for his awkwardness by another smile, larger than any he had seen before.

“Goodbye.” Regulus nodded at him, turned, and left.

James fell back into his chair and buried his head in his hands. When he closed his eyes, he still saw that last smile.

-----------

hope you liked it. im thepenguinclub on ao3 if you wanna read more stuff. comments and kudos are my life force so please leave them, especially comments they always make my day. ive posted some other stuff for harry potter, as well as merlin and sanders sides so if any of that's your jam feel free to read that too, otherwise have a fantastic rest of your day and i'll see you next time.

#harry potter fanfic #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #jegulus fanfic #hp fanfic #hp #penguin writes

8 notes · View notes