#i know i go through this exact phase at least every second month but honestly it gets harder and harder to convince myself they like me

[bansheesofinisherin2022]

do me friends hate me? what are the signs? i feel like they are avoiding me.......

[mizufae]

This is Korben from this morning at the internist specialist. It was just a consultation today. Tomorrow, however, they are doing all SORTS of invasive things. He is gonna get a full endoscopy and colonoscopy, a liver biopsy, samples taken from his gallbladder and bile duct, and he’s gonna have a feeding tube put in!!! Our beautiful handsome boy is going to get all kinds of terrible bandages.

What’s wrong with him, you may ask? Well, after throwing up every day for over a week a couple weeks back, we did urgent care vet and then multiple ultrasounds and rounds of blood work, all showing an increase in his billirubin and inflammation of his pancreas, gallbladder, and liver. He stopped throwing up but then got a respiratory infection and was sneezing boogers for a week. Coupled with all of this he had lost over a pound in the past three months and had already been underweight. And then he stopped eating. He has only eaten tiny amounts in the past two weeks and is continuing to lose even more weight.

So, what could be going on? That’s what all the procedures are for tomorrow! They are going to take all the samples from his various bits and culture them so we know the exact kind of medicine to give him. And meanwhile, we will do steroids to help the inflammation, and be able to get food into his stomach and put all his medications in him through his feeding tube, instead of forcing pills and goop down his throat and traumatizing him multiple times a day. It could just be a worsening of his preexisting IBD. It could be an obstruction in his common bile duct or small intestine or gallbladder. It could be small cell lymphoma! All of these are treatable, though IBD is progressive and lymphoma would mean different kinds of cancer treatment and palliative care.

This is all costing an arm and a leg, but Korben has a very rich grandmother who would be downright offended if she didn’t pay for it, thank goodness. The less expensive diagnostic option was just more fuck around wait and see ultrasound bloodwork bullshit which would lead to months and months of trial and error. There are of course risks to all of this, but Korben has been under anesthesia before and done just fine, and other than his complete unwillingness to eat and his elevated liver values, his blood work looks good, his energy and personality is still there, he completely got over his runny nose, and he hasn’t thrown up except for once a week ago which was before we stopped the antibiotics that obviously upset him so much he stopped eating or drinking and all he would do is drool and try to spit them out. Sigh. Poor guy. Fingers crossed though, because although we have now interacted with four separate very competent vets and numerous techs, nobody has ever given us an indication that Korben is unlikely to recover.

Other good things: I’ve now learned how to give IV fluids and injections! It really is super simple, as long as your cat is mellow like Korben and you have a second person to be another pair of hands. The needles are like the least troubling part. I love the immediate relief and comfort Korben exhibits when he gets fluids. I know myself how it feels to be terribly dehydrated and in pain and then get an IV, so it’s a great feeling being able to do that for my cat. Yesterday I gave him his third vitamin b12 injection (he is getting them weekly for now), and he didn’t care for it one bit but it was fine. So now, I’m confident that if anyone else I care for needs injection meds, I can give it to them! I am honestly shocked I’ve never helped a trans friend with their hrt or anything before this, but now if it ever comes up can be like “let me help! Just act like a cat!”

So. I am currently in the “ignore it until shit happens” phase where I’m trying to just project calming normal energy at Korben, who is currently sleeping in a sunbeam by an open window. Tomorrow morning he is going to be going through it, so keep him in your hearts and all that. And then afterwards will be the notable experience of gooshing puréed food in through a tube in his neck! Eeeek! Then it will be some time to get the cultures done, and then it will probably be over a month of antibiotics and other supportive meds. Egad! Fingers and toes and eyes all crossed.

Thanks @penaltykeks and a few other people who have checked in and asked how me and Korben are doing. I’ve just been sort of trying my best to engage with pleasant things online and not write out my worries because I’ve learned it doubles down on my rumination. BIG UPS to Zoloft, which REALLY FUCKING WORKS for me, I would basically be a pile of quivering useless bones and fat without it. As it is I am a quivering pile of bones and fat that can give IV fluids to my cat and call my mom and do the dishes. 😽🤞

[absolutepokemontrash]

Aaa congrats on 666 :D you've been one of my favorite obey me blogs since I joined the fandom! can I request the brothers with an mc that looks/acts like they just walked out of a zombie apocalypse? Turns out that while the demons werent looking, things in the human realm went down hill ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

👀 I love this! Sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!

Lucifer

When Solomon popped down into the Devildom earlier, Lucifer had noticed that the sorcerer looked a tad… concerned. After he left, Lucifer thought nothing of it until the second human exchange student appeared brandishing a gun and looking like they hadn’t showered in eight days.

After managing to disarm the human and avoiding the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, Lucifer managed to explain exactly why the human was in the Devildom and what was going on. In return, the human calmed down and explained what was going on in the human world.

…geez, shit really hit the fan. Uh… Lucifer wished them luck in their exchange year and foisted them off on Mammon. Lucifer was not about to deal with that right then.

(Apparently one of Solomon’s necromancing acquaintances had something to do with the mini apocalypse going on in the human world. Lucifer and MC were assured that the zombie problem was being dealt with)

As confused and annoyed as Lucifer was at first, he quickly became glad that the human had some kind of self defence on them. The Devildom was a dangerous place, and the human could nullify some of that danger by popping a bullet or twelve into some idiots’ heads.

But one of MC’s more annoying habits were their tendency to set traps and hoard food. They didn’t seem to grasp that lack of food wasn’t an issue and that there were plenty of spells in place to make sure-

Okay, Beel just raided the fridge. Maybe MC had the right idea. Up for sharing some spaghetti-o’s?

Mammon

Now listen here! The Great and Amazing and Mega-Sexy Mammon wasn’t scared of the human at all! Got it?! Good. He wasn’t scared of how dishevelled and dirty they were and how they looked like they just crawled out of a horror movie! Not at all! He also wasn’t scared of the baseball bat they threatened to hit him with if he continued to spout threats of eating them.

Pff, he wasn’t scared… totally not scared… *ahem*

Once the human took a bath and stopped pointing their various weapons at him, Mammon quickly began to warm up to the human in their own tsundere kind of way. Fine, he could admit that MC was kinda cool.

The one thing that Mammon just couldn’t deal with was MC’s traps… he kept setting them off while trying to get into MC’s room!

Oi! Don’t look at him like that! He wasn’t tryin’ to steal anything! He also wasn’t goin’ in there to hang out with the dumb human either! Wasn’t goin’ in there to check on em’ and make sure they were comfortable…

Mammon is also #2 in terms of food theft in the house. He just spotted ramen and decided that possibly getting hit with MC’s baseball bat of pain was worth getting his greedy little mitts on some dollar store noodles.

Leviathan

When Levi went downstairs to threaten Mammon for his money back, Levi immediately recoiled at the absolutely fowl smell coming from the human. Ew, normie stink was getting all over him! And why did they look like they just walked out of TellTale’s The Walking Dead?

Once MC explained their situation, Levi took it upon himself to mansplain the zombie apocalypse to the poor human that was going through it. He had played plenty of zombie survival games and he was surely the expert-

AAKSJAKAJANA- PUT THE BAT DOWN! HE’LL SHUT UP! HE’LL SHUT UP!

After that was over and done with, Levi decided it would be his job to reintroduce MC to some quality entertainment. There couldn’t be that many good shows to watch in the apocalypse, so MC (starved for entertainment) agreed to watch whatever Levi wanted.

Food hoarding? Been there done that. Levi keeps at least ten boxes of Pocky in his room at all times, and a crap ton of other snack foods too. That habit doesn’t phase Levi.

The traps on the other hand? HELL YES TEACH HIM MC! THAT’LL WARD OFF SOME SCUMMY MORONS! *insert Levi cackle here*

Satan

Satan was amongst the people who had the privilege of getting a gun pointed at them on the first day of the exchange program. He kept his fake little smile on his face, but he sure as hell wasn’t too pleased with the human.

He kept his distance at first, studying MC from afar and taking note of their weird little habits. Satan found it quite interesting how quickly this seemingly average human adapted to their new circumstances.

After the body switching incident and the murder train incident, Satan developed a fondness for MC. But… maybe MC shouldn’t have brought their weapons with them on one of their hangout sessions with Satan.

It was on that day that MC learned that Satan was as good a shot with a gun as they were… Rest in Pieces to the idiot that decided fucking with the Avatar of Wrath would be a good idea.

The traps… oh yes the traps… that exact skill set transferred perfectly to pranks! Oh if MC would be so kind as to let Satan teach them the way of the bastard (tm) so the two of them could annoy that pompous peacock together?

Asmodeus

Ewwwww! What was that awful stench coming from the- EWWWWW! Why was the human so gross and dirty! Someone get the hose! They summoned a feral one!

Asmo was less concerned with the fact that the human was threatening everyone with an actual weapon and more concerned with how they smelled like a month old macaroni salad.

MC got a bottle of admittedly pleasant smelling soap thrown at them before Mammon dragged them off to the HOL.

Despite the nasty first impression, once MC took a much needed bath and washed all that gross grime off of themselves… they were honestly really hot… man, apocalypses should happen more often if they produce babes like MC~ *eyebrow wiggle*

Though, the poor human still needed some work, Asmo declared himself their fairy goddaddy (I regret ever learning how to type) and took every opportunity to make sure MC looked their best and took care of themselves.

MC’s odd habits don’t exactly phase Asmo much, I mean, look at who he lives with.

Beelzebub

…he doesn’t wanna eat this human.

Listen, Beel will eat anything, but if he has other options, he’s not eating the gross dirty human pointing a gun at him.

At first, Beel’s pretty neutral towards anything and everything MC ends up doing. They barricaded themselves in their room to keep safe out of habit? Okay. They scarily polish and clean their weapons out in the middle of the living room? So does Satan on occasion. They cleared out the fridge- wait they cleared out the fridge?

BEEL WAS GOING TO DO THAT! PREPARE TO BE EATEN, HUMAN!

MC miraculously survived a hungry Beel attack by chucking food at him until he calmed back down. Beel felt a little bad for scaring them, but anyone with more than five brain cells should know not to steal food from the Avatar of Gluttony.

Anyway, once the two get closer, Beel’s always there for a hug and comfort if MC needs it. Just don’t let him near the food hoard. He will reduce it to nothing in less than an hour.

More than 90% of the traps that get set off are set off by Beel trying to get into MC’s room for food.

Belphegor

Father Dammit, Belphie wanted a nice easy defenceless human to murder, not this Rambo-lookalike. Whatever, sure the human looked tough, but Belphie’s a demon.

Well… Belphegor’s plan went to shit when he was in the middle of choking the human, who pulled out a gun and nearly shot him in the eye. He ended up dropping them in surprise when the bullet grazed his face and ended up getting MC’s boot planted into his forehead.

Yeah… Belphie did not fare well. MC: 1 Belphie: 0

After that nonsense, Belphie demanded begged that MC become his full time nap guardian. They were scary and could protect him, the totally defenceless war criminal 🥺, come on MC, don’t be heartless!

Similar to Asmo, Belphie isn’t too phased by MC’s weird habits. As long as they don’t try and steal his pillows, he’s okay. Those traps though… perfect for a certain older brother of his…

He joins in on Satan’s crusade to get MC to join the Anti Lucifer League. Puh-LEEEEEEEAAAAAASE MC?

[lunmelia]

Listen I know that Jack had to “grow up fast” because the world is a “dangerous place” or whatever but if he was born a baby?? I would’ve watched the hell out of that show. Just two dudes, their mum and an angel raising the devil’s baby. Because I say that they kicked Lucifer’s ass to the alternate world and everyone lives (except Kelly. Sorry.). Could you imagine? 

You have Mary; the woman who has experience in raising two babies, even if one was only for six months.

You have Dean; the man who basically raised Sam and has vague memories of helping out when his brother was a baby. Helped Lisa with her son and baby niece. Took care of a shapeshifter baby for a day. Also had a daughter for a couple of days but didn’t interact with her much. 

You have Sam; not much experience. Also took care of a shapeshifter baby for a day. Strong in research, might manage to find them at least a paragraph of how to raise a nephilim. Killed his niece. Not a great sign but he promises he won’t do that this time. 

You have Castiel; the angel expert. Is a literal angel. Has no experience with babies apart from that one night he babysat for his co-worker. Kind-of-sort-of-not-really a dad to a teenage girl. Only times he’s had to interact with a nephilim is when he’s been ordered to kill one, so, not a good sign but he promises he won’t do that this time. 

Together, they make do. But holy shit is raising Jack tough. 

He may not have a true form like Castiel but he does have wings and a true voice. Which he can’t control. So the tantrums. The tantrums. When he was born he made their ears bleed from the crying, and the lights exploded. Cas was miraculously able to calm him down before further damage was done, but the humans always make sure to have earplugs on them from then on. They also had to buy a large supply of lightbulbs to replace the ones in the bunker every time he cries. 

They had to baby proof the bunker. And I mean baby proof the hell out of the bunker. You think a normal house can be dangerous for a baby? The bunker is huge. And full of knives, guns, spellbooks, ancient artifacts, and just about a thousand other things that are not. good. to have around a baby. The baby proofing took a week. Two days of exploring the bunker and recording everything that needed to be baby-proofed, two shopping trips in a day to buy the things needed, and another three days of installing everything. Cas had to stay with Jack in his room while Mary, Sam and Dean did all the baby proofing. 

(also yes this is an AU in which Dean and Cas get their shit together, confess their feelings, build a house and raise Jack as his dads. the build a house part comes in when Jack is like 3)

The absolute freakout Dean had when Jack flew the first time. It happened when he was five months old, and Dean was changing his diaper. He turned around for a second to throw out the wipes. Heard the flap of wings, turned back around with a greeting for Cas on his lips, and Jack was gone. It went like this: Dean, staring at the empty table: ... Jack? Jack- *realisation* Cas! Cas, the baby’s gone! Cas! The baby can fly! Baby’s flying- Cas, appearing in front of him with a giggling Jack in his arms: yes, I am well aware Dean: oh my god- Jack: *disappears again* Dean: *yelps in alarm* Cas: *simply reaches up and just. plucks Jack out of thin air. one moment there’s empty air and the next Jack is just in Cas’ hands* Cas: this may become... difficult Dean, leaning over with his hands on his knees: I’m gonna have a heart attack

Turns out, baby Jack can heal! Which is what Mary discovered when once she had held Jack after coming back from a hunt with a few scrapes, they miraculously disappeared. 

You know when toddlers will get into the flour and leave a mess that you have to clean up for the next two hours? Yeah, well Jack got into a box of spellbooks and opened one which released monsters from fables. So that was a very panic-filled 6 hours that included Sam, Dean and Mary researching how to put them back / kill them while Cas held Jack close to make sure he didn’t fly away. Turns out, baby-proofing a bunker is pretty useless when said baby can fly through walls.

Apart from the many mishaps thathappened during raising Jack from infancy to toddlerhood, he’s just a weird kid. And kids are usually weird, but Jack is weird. 

Sam basically sprinted back to the car with a five-year-old Jack in his arms after Jack had held a woman’s hand in his at a playground and gently told her, “the events that lead to your father’s death were never your fault. He is in his Heaven now and although he is at peace, he begs that you make room in your heart for forgiveness of his wrong doings.” Yeah, they were very close to moving town when that happened. 

One day when he was 6, he walked outside into the back yard and just sat down in a random spot and stared at the ground. After a couple of minutes of glancing out the window to check on him, Dean walked up to him. Dean: whatchu up to, kid? Jack: there is a daisy that is going to grow and bloom here in 15 days. I’ve never seen a flower grow. I would like to watch it, if that’s okay? Dean: you want to sit here, in this exact spot, for 15 days so you can watch a flower grow? Jack, still not taking his eyes off the spot: yes Dean, who’s honestly used to this behaviour after witnessing it for the past two years: ... alright, sure. I’ll bring you dinner in a couple of hours, that sound good? Jack, finally looking up with a beaming smile: yes, thank you! (Cas and Dean did not let him sit in the same spot for 15 days. They did sit next to him for like two hours when the daisy did bloom, though. And despite the creak and buzzing ache in his knees and back, Dean can’t find it in himself to regret it.) 

he had a phase when he was 7 where he would say hi to everyone he came across. Everyone. Dean and Cas cannot make one shopping trip with him without everyone in that store knowing Jack’s name. He says bye when they leave too. 100% every time they get at least 5 people saying bye back. 

On the year he turned 8 they decided to enrol him in school. After weeks of telling him not be “weird” and teaching him to be as normal of a kid as he could be. When the 4 of them are confidant that he won’t go around using his powers, they enrol him. They did not anticipate the school calling him the first day, telling them that Jack had explained to the other kids that Santa isn’t real and they should “learn to not set themselves up for disappointment or believe what their parents say” which caused the entire class to burst out into tears. It was another “maybe we should move town” moment.

Another kid: my dad broke his leg. he has to walk with crutches now. sometimes he lets me use them! Jack: both my dads have died. one of them was torn to shreds by hellhounds who then dragged his soul down to hell where he was tortured for 40 years, but then father rescued him, that was how they met. but then father was blown to bits by my biological father. but then my grandfather resurrected him! they’re fine now.  Their teacher: uh, wow... Jack. sure sounds like you have some very vivid dreams Jack, remembering he’s not supposed to talk about this kind of stuff: ah, yes, of course... dreams. I woke up... crying. a lot. the dreams... scared me. 

I have... so many other little moments in my head, but this post is already so long so let me know if anyone wants more. 

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[thebluesideofmyworld]

Will You, or Will You Not - A Solangelo One-Shot

Summary:  The three times when Will asked Nico about marriage. And the one time when he screwed up. Well, kind of.

Word Count: 5300 words | Read on AO3

[one]:  The first time Will asked Nico whether he wanted to get married, Will was 16 years old

Will didn’t know why or what it was exactly that made the thought crossed his mind. Probably it was the perfect weather, or the way the sky looked so blue. Or the way the sunlight seeped in through the leaves of the big oak tree where they were spending their afternoon.

Or maybe, it was because of Nico. The way his dark hair felt so soft between Will’s fingers as he played with it. The way he looked like a beautiful contrast of the summer palette of the scene. The way just being with Nico made Will’s heart constrict with so much affection. It was almost scary how this small boy laying his head on Will’s lap could make Will feel so many emotions at once.

Whatever it was, the question just blurted out from Will.

“Neeks, do you want to get married someday?”

Nico’s eyes opened at once, then he blinked.

Will already regretted asking the question when Nico sat up. The serene expression that he had two seconds ago disappeared, as he was looking at Will with confusion.

“What?”

“Hey… relax, Neeks,” Will said.  He laughed, a bit nervously. He ruffled Nico’s hair. “It’s not like I am asking you to marry me.”

Nico stared at Will with an unreadable expression. Or maybe Will just didn’t dare to guess whether Nico was disappointed; or he was relieved that no, Will’s question wasn’t exactly a marriage proposal.

“I mean… At least, not now …” Will added, rather quietly. He looked down, and reached out for Nico’s hand. He held it, and watched the way Nico’s fingers filled the gap between his. It’s soothing. To have Nico’s hand in his. Will looked up again to meet Nico’s eyes, and smiled softly.

Nico bit down his lower lip, then he looked away from Will. For a while, it looked like he was lost in his thoughts.

“Come here,” Will said, letting go of Nico’s hand just so he could pull Nico closer to him. Nico leaned his head on Will’s shoulder. Will sneaked his arm around Nico’s back to hold him. Nico’s hand found Will’s and held it.

“Is that even possible ?” Nico asked. His voice laced with doubts. “A boy, getting married to another boy ?”

“It is,” Will said, knowing that it might be something that Nico still had some trouble to believe in. Heck, months ago, it took quite some time and many conversations to make him believe that yes, a boy could have a boyfriend. “It might not seem possible decades ago, Neeks. But yes, it is possible now.”

“Are we even going to get to that point, though?”

The question was more than just about whether they would still be together, years from now. It was also a question of whether they would still be around.

“Hey,” Will said. “Let’s not think about whether we would ever going to get there.”

“What should we think about, then?’

“Let’s just think about how wonderful it would be when we get there.”

Nico snorted. “Always the optimistic one, aren’t you, Solace?”

“The romantic one, to be exact,” Will said, and placed a soft kiss on Nico’s temple.

For a while, none of them said anything. Will mindlessly drew small circles on the back of Nico’s hand that he was holding.

“But… We don’t have to, you know…” Will said carefully. “I mean… People don’t have to get married to stay together…”

Nico still didn’t say anything, and Will honestly had no idea what it was running through Nico’s mind. And naturally, just like he did whenever he got nervous about something, Will started rambling.

“I mean… yeah, getting married sounds nice and wedding parties are always fun but… it’s just a piece of paper, right? And people don’t have to get married to stay together, as long as they love each other it won’t really matter, right? As long as they’re happy I think-“

“Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

There was amusement in Nico’s voice. Will tilted his head a bit so he could look at Nico. Nico’s eyes were closed, but the tips of lips curled up just a bit, into the vaguest of a smile. Will let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay,” Will said. He took Nico’s hand to his lips, and pressed a light kiss on the knuckles. Nico shifted so now he was laying his head on Will’s lap. Will gently runs his fingers through the strands of Nico’s hair. A few minutes of comfortable science passed by, and Will wished there was a kind of magic where he could freeze this moment. Not just a picture of them, together like this. But also the feeling of contentment. The feeling of serene and peacefulness, just because they were together.

Nico opened his eyes. He gazed at the sky. “I think… I went to a wedding party once. When I was a kid,” Nico said.

“In Italy?”

Nico hummed. His brows furrowed down a bit, and there was a small frown on his face, like he was trying to concentrate on calling back a memory.

“I can’t even remember whose wedding that was,” Nico said. “Probably one of my aunts? Or maybe it was one of my Mama’s friends?”

Will gently ran his finger on Nico’s brow, smoothing out the line. “What else that you can remember?” Will asked, as he started to lightly massage Nico’s temple with his fingers. Sometimes Nico had flashes of memories from his past, and whenever he tried to remember about the memory clearly, he had a headache.

“I remember wearing a suit? And eating cakes.”

“Wedding cakes are always the best.”

“I remember seeing Mama danced. Maybe with Hades? Or was it my grandfather? But I remember how she smiled and laughed and looked so pretty in her yellow dress. It was flowing around her.”

“That sounds lovely…”

Nico stayed quiet for a moment before he continued. “Bianca also danced with me that day. She wore a green dress.”

Will kissed the crown of Nico’s head. Nico closed his eyes again for a while. When he opened it, his dark eyes were gazing at something far away. At a distant memory.

“I don’t…really remember what else that happened, or who else that was there. But I remember that… there was music. And cakes. And people were smiling and laughing.” Nico sighed. He took one of Will’s hands that was massaging his temple, and put it over his chest.

“I remember that everyone was happy. I was happy.”

Will smiled. “I’m glad that it was a happy memory.”

“Yeah,” Nico said. “And I guess…you’re right. Wedding parties sound like fun.”

A small flower of hope bloomed inside Will’s chest. “We can have a fun wedding party for our wedding.”

Nico snorted, but his cheeks turned into a shade of red. “As long as we can make sure that Apollo is not the wedding singer.”

Will laughed. His chest was filled with warm and light air and he was just so so happy and optimistic and everything felt lighter and looked brighter.

“It’s something that can be arranged,” Will said. “As long as I get to pick the song for our first dance.”

***

[two]: The second time Will asked Nico about marriage, they were just starting a new phase in their life together.

They still have a few boxes left to unpack. But it’s already late and they were both exhausted. Besides, it’s Friday anyway, so they still have Saturday and Sunday to do the unpacking and putting the stuff where they want to be before Will started his first day in med school. So they decided to go to bed and get their much-needed rest.

Their bed, Will thought giddily as he lied down on the fresh sheets. It was dark with only dim light from the street lamps seeping in from the blue curtains. But when Will stared at the ceiling, he knew that it was painted in sky blue, with stripes of dark blue lining up the part where the ceiling meets the walls.

It wasn’t much. Just a small one-bedroom apartment, but at least it’s close enough to Cornell, where Will had received a scholarship for his study.

It was just almost too good to be true, Will had a hard time to believe in his luck. Getting a degree in Biochemistry from the University of New Rome where he went through the premed track hadn’t really been a surprise. Almost all of the demigods who decided to go to college went there anyway. But to receive a financial aid to go to the med school like what he had always dreamed about? Now that, was one of the best things ever happened in his life. Will was aware that it probably had something to do with how the Apollo’s legacies pulled some strings. But still.

One great thing was followed by another great thing. After four years of going through some sort of long-distance relationship with Nico while doing his undergrad, Nico agreed to move in together into this small apartment. Nico himself finally managed to get a high-school diploma after passing the GED test. And now while doing some stuff for Hades every once in a while, he took some online classes to have a degree in criminal justice.

Just thinking about Nico made something fluttered pleasantly inside Will’s chest. He turned around to lie on his side. He smiled as he watched Nico, who was lying on his side with his eyes closed. Will gently brushed Nico’s hair from covering his forehead. Nico’s eyes fluttered open.

“You’re not sleeping yet?” Nico asked sleepily.

“Not really sleepy yet,” Will said, half-whispering.

“Well, I want to sleep. I’m exhausted,” Nico said and closed his eyes again.

Will chuckled and snaked his arm around Nico, pulling him closer. Nico groaned but shifted towards Will, and rested his cheek on Will’s shoulder.

Will kissed Nico’s forehead and started playing with Nico’s hair. Nico let out a content sigh.

I can get used to this, Will thought, unconsciously smiling. And his heart swelled to remember that Nico would be the first sight that he saw once he opened his eyes tomorrow. And the day after. And the days after. That thought made a warm rush through his vein. The thought that Nico would be the last thing that he saw before he fell asleep at night, and Nico would be the first thing he saw when the morning came.

Yeah. That would be nice, Will thought.

And another thought crossed Will’s mind. He wouldn’t mind having this for the rest of his life.

“Hey, Neeks?”

A wordless grunt was the only answer that came from Nico.

“You still want to get married, right?”

Nico got tensed for a second. Will’s heart missed a beat.

“What do you mean?” Nico asked him back without looking up at Will.

Wills shrugged. He continued playing with the soft strand of Nico’s hair. It was still a bit damp from the shower, and smelled faintly of cinnamon.

“I mean, now that we live together… I guess… it’s just nice if we can… stay together…”

Will let the words for the rest of our lives stayed as a secret hope inside his heart.

“You said that people don’t have to get married to stay together.”

Will bit his lower lip. A piece of his heart shattered.

“Well, yeah. I guess I did say so.”

Will took a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh, half-aware of how it was a bit shaky. Nico was right. Indeed, they didn’t actually need a piece of paper to stay together. It’s not like Will was obsessed with the idea of getting married. What he wanted, what he really wanted, was to be with Nico.

But getting married wasn’t exactly an idea that Will was against to. It wasn’t like Will never secretly thought of writing his name as Will Solace-di Angelo (it sounded better on his tongue than Will di Angelo-Solace). And getting married seemed to be one of the most logical things to settle down. To have a more solid future together.

But if it wasn’t something that Nico wanted, then maybe it wasn’t something meant for them.

And Will would be fine with it. As long as they could still stay together. Will couldn’t lie about the slightly bitter disappointment, creeping in a small hole in his chest. But he would be fine.

Nico still said nothing, but he ran his palm gently over Will’s chest.

Will let out another shaky sigh. He tried to smile. Nico couldn’t see it, of course. But Will hoped that the smile that he was trying to put on could mask the emotion in his voice.

“So it’s not something you want, then?”

Nico stopped running his palm over Will’s chest. He pushed himself up, and used his elbow as leverage as he stared at Will. Nico cocked his head a little. Even in the darkness, Will could feel how Nico’s eyes were looking at his own, through his own.

“What made you think that I don’t want to be with you forever?” Nico asked. His voice was low but somehow it still sounded too loud in the darkness.

“I am not talking about you not wanting to be together-“

“Do you not want us to be together?”

“I do! I mean, I do want us to be together! You know I love you, Nico. I love you so much, I want to always be with you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Will sighed. “I mean…is getting married something that you want? Or it’s not exactly something that you’re thinking about?”

Nico pressed his index finger on Will’s lips gently. There was a small smile on his own. And Will knew that it was the kind of smile that Nico kept only for Will to be the receiving end. A smile that made Will fell in love all over again.

“Let’s see if we can keep this apartment in one piece together, then we’ll think about that other stuff, okay?”

The stone inside Will’s chest melted into warm honey.

“Okay,” Will whispered. Nico gently placed a chaste kiss on Will’s lips, then he lied down again, cheek pressing against Will’s chest.

“So you’re going to say yes if I ask you to marry me?”

Nico snorted. “If you ask me the question, it’s better be in a way that made me cry in happiness.”

Will laughed and it sounded so loud in the comfortable darkness around them.

“Noted,” Will said.

“And if you’re not crying when you see me on the aisle, I am canceling the wedding.”

Will smiled as he ran his hand over Nico’s side. He kissed the top of Nico’s head.

“I love you so much, Nico. So much.”

“I love you too. Now go to sleep.”

What Nico said wasn’t exactly an answer to Will’s question. But it’s a possibility. And possibility meant hope.  So Will let the flowers of hope bloomed in his chest. He let the butterflies danced happily inside of him.

***

[three]:  The third time Will asked Nico about getting married, he screwed up. Kind of.

It’s his last day of residency, and Will couldn’t wait to go home. After collecting the needed signature for all the paperwork needed, he did another round in the hospital, saying goodbye to his patients. Being himself, Will couldn’t help but to feel some sort of emotional attachment to the children who have been under his care during the residency. And it was a bit heartbreaking to say goodbye to them. But on the other hand, he was excited to start his new job. Just a few weeks before his residency ended, Will had gotten a job offer that would start in two weeks. Looked like all those long hours of hard work finally showed some results.

Will opened the door, and walked into their apartment. It’s still the same apartment that they had lived in since Will started med-school, around seven years ago. But now that Will had secured a job and with Nico’s job, they could probably start thinking of moving into a more decent one.

Will put his keys on the cabinet. “Babe? I’m home.”

“In the kitchen!”

Will made his way to the kitchen, bringing along the bottle of wine that he got as a gift from his mentor. He could hear the sound of music coming from Nico’s phone that he put on the table. He stopped on the door frame, inhaling the delicious scent of herbs and spices. He smiled as he leaned on the door frame, relishing the sight. Nico was in front of the stove. With a spoon in his hand, he’s watching whatever it was in that he had in the pan.

Will made his way to Nico, and put an arm around Nico’s shoulder. He planted a kiss on Nico’s forehead.

“Hey,” he said as he pulled himself just a bit from Nico.

Nico’s smile was still something that made Will’s heart jumped like crazy.

“Hey,” Nico said. “You’re home. Finally.” Nico tiptoed a little so he could kiss Will’s cheek.

“I bring some wine,” Will said, showing the bottle that he was holding to Nico. “Dr. Reagan gave it to me as a farewell gift.”

“Nice,” Nico said. “I like him a lot. He’s such a nice guy.” Nico took the bottle from Will and placed a hand over Will’s chest.

“Wait here,” he said. Will raised his eyebrows. With a confused expression, his eyes followed Nico who walked to the other side of the kitchen. That’s when he saw their crystal vase on the cabinet, filled with red roses and sunflowers. Nico put the bottle next to the vase, and took one of the roses.

Will leaned on the counter, smile weaved in to his face as he watched Nico. With a rose in his hand, Nico walked towards Will. The small smile curled on Nico’s lips still sent a shiver down Will’s spine as he handed Will the rose.

“I got you flowers,” Nico said. He tiptoed to peck Will’s lip. “Congratulations on finishing your residency.“

Will wrapped his arms around Nico’s neck, as Nico looped his around Will’s waist.

“And people think I am the romantic one,” Will teased. He brought the rose to his nose and inhaled the sweet scent.

“You are,” Nico said. “The romantic one, and the annoying one,” he added,  resting the side of his face on Will’s chest. “But I am so proud of you, tesoro.”

“I love you, darling,” Will said, sealing it with a kiss on the top of Nico’s head.

“I love you too,” Nico said, pulling himself so he could look up at Will. “Now go have a shower and change your shirt.”

Will flicked Nico’s nose with the rose. “Whatever you say, darl.” He planted another kiss on Nico’s forehead before going to their bedroom to do what Nico said.

About half an hour and a fresh shirt later, he walked back into their kitchen. The vase with the flowers was now on the table that has been set up. Nico even put the nice table cloth that he usually reserved for when they had guests coming over. Nico was placing the napkins that he had folded into some complicated shape. He brushed some of his rebellious hair that fell over his forehead and looked up.

Years of being together, and still, the moment their eyes met made Will breathless.

Nico smiled. He already took off his apron, and he was wearing the gray shirt that looked so good on him. With a few wide steps, Will made his way towards Nico. He pulled Nico into his arm, and kissed his forehead.

“I am the luckiest man in the world.”

Nico chuckled, slowly running his palm over Will’s chest. “For what? For finally finishing your residency? For getting the job that you have always dreamed of?”

“For having you with me. All these times.”

“Don’t go all sappy on me, Solace. You still have to do the dishes after this.”

Will kissed the top of Nico’s head. He knew that he kissed Nico a lot but he couldn’t care less, he would do it whenever he wanted to.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Will closed his eyes, pleased to realize how Nico’s breathing and his fell into the same rhythm. Will was pretty sure that if he put his hand over Nico’s chest, he could feel the way their heartbeat in the same rhythm too.

Then he heard the first of notes of his favorite songs coming from Nico’s phone.

Will opened his eyes, and slid down his hands from Nico’s shoulder to his hips.

“Dance with me,” Will said, started moving his hips to the tunes. Nico let out a small laugh that sounded like a heavenly music to Will’s ears.

“You suck at dancing, tesoro,” Nico said, but followed along. He looped his arms around Will’s neck, and swayed to the music.

Nico was right, of course. Will sucked at dancing, and Nico was far better. So Will let Nico lead them, as they slowly moved around their small kitchen. Nico hummed along to the song, and Will felt they were dancing on the clouds. He wished he had the magic to freeze this whole moment into a glass bubble that he would place carefully on his bedside table, right next to frame that held their picture together.

Their eyes locked and Will was just so so in love with Nico. He marveled at how Nico’s dark eyes held a twinkle, as if he kept stars behind those eyes. He stared in awe at how the tips of Nico’s lips curled up into a crescent moon, forming the most wonderful smile.

It’s been years and both of them have changed and grown so much. But they were still so much in love with each other like years before. No. Scratch that. They loved each other even more than before. Nico was the one that made Will wanted to go through another day, because he knew that Nico would be a part of it. Nico was still the one who could make him believe that everything would be alright, because they had each other. Nico would always be the one, the only one who Will could dream of having a future with.  Will could see himself holding Nico in his arms like this tomorrow, next year… Gods, Will could see them holding each other like this five, fifteen and even fifty years from now.

And it was like an epiphany for Will. That Nico was, still, and would always be the one that Will wanted to be with. Forever.

For-

“Marry me.”

Nico raised his eyebrows, looking dazed, like he didn’t really catch what Will just sad. “Huh?”

Will stopped dancing, and took both of Nico’s hand into his.

“Marry me, Nico.”

Nico looked positively confused now. He stared at Will, some strands of his dark hair falling over his wide eyes.

“Will?”

“Nico, I’m not just asking you whether you ever think of getting married someday. This time I am really asking you to marry me,” Will said, words falling out from his lips quickly as he stared back at Nico, hoping that Nico understands how much he wanted this.

He took a deep breath, then kneel down on one knee, still holding Nico’s hands.

“Niccolo Matteo di Angelo, will you marry me?”

Nico’s dark eyes stared back at Will with an expression that Will couldn’t read. Will couldn’t guess whether Nico wanted to scream in pure joy or cry or upset or maybe he wanted to hit Will on his head for being so not romantic-

Then Nico sighed and looked away from Will. “Why do you have to ruin it, Will?”

Will felt like his heart plummeted down into Tartarus. Then it struck him. The conversation they had years ago.

“Schist! I screwed up, didn’t I?”

Will stood up, feeling how his heart started cracking. He slowly rubbed his face with both hands. He was so so stupid. He should have planned it. He should have at least prepared something instead of just asking the question. Holy Hades, he hadn’t even had a ring yet!

He let out a long desperate sigh as he ran his hand over his head. He braced himself to peek at Nico. Nico still stood where he was, only one step away from Will. He still had that unreadable expression on his face. He kept his eyes at Will, head slightly tilted to the left, like he was curious about what Will about to do next.

Will took another deep breath, trying to come up with a plan.

“Nico, I am so so very sorry,” he said. “You deserve something better. And I will give it to you. You deserve nothing but the best, and what I just did wasn’t even close to something good.”

“Will-“

But Will kept on talking. A plan already formed in his head. He would fix this. He had to, he wanted to, and he would. He took Nico’s hands again, praying to whichever deities up there to have some mercy on him and help him fixing this mess that he just created.

“Nico, darling. Listen. Give me another chance, okay? Just one. One more chance. Give me twenty-four hours and I will ask you again but not in this shitty way but in whatever way you want me to. Just tell me. This time I will make it right. It will be something-“

“Will.” This time Nico put two fingers on Will’s lips to stop him from talking. “Stop.”

So Will stopped talking. For a second. The moment Nico took away his fingers from his lips, he blurted out a question.

“Are you mad at me?”

It looked like Nico was holding back a smile when he shook his head. “No, Will. I’m not mad at you.”

Will’s chest felt lighter. He opened his mouth, ready to repeat his pleas of having another chance but Nico was quicker.

“Will, listen to me.”

Will blinked.

“I need to tell you something.”

Gods. This must be it, Will thought. He must have screwed up so bad and this must be the part where Nico was going to tell him that it’s all over now.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Nico’s eyes widened again. “What? No! What makes you think so?”

“Because I screwed up! And you told me that I ruined it but believe me Nico, we could fix it. We could-“

“Will, for the love of Apollo and all his Muses, would you please listen to me?”

Will shut up.

Nico took a deep breath, and took Will’s hand. He squeezed it. “Now, wait here, okay?”

Will nodded. Nico pecked his cheek and let go of Will’s hands. Will watched as Nico walked to the cabinets, the one where he kept his precious herbs and spices. It’s one of the cabinets that Will never touched. Nico loved cooking and he treasured the herbs and spices that he kept there. He had his own system in arranging the bottles and packages in the cabinet, and Will had learned the hard way that Nico would know if any of the bottles moved for even just half-an-inch.

Nico opened the cabinet and took something from it. Will started to wonder how would some Italian herbs and spices had anything to do with what just happened. Then as he watched Nico who was walking back towards him, he finally saw what it was that Nico held in his hand.

Will gasped.

Nico stopped in front of Will, his dark eyes were soft but also full of determination.

There was a small, amused smile on Nico’s lips as he held up the small box on his hand for Will to see.

“I have already planned to be the one asking you the question. But you ruined it.”

Will’s hand flew to his mouth. He had no idea how he was still standing when his legs felt like they were turned into overcooked spaghetti. He had no idea how on earth he was still breathing when he was about to burst into millions of glitters and confetti.

Nico flipped the box open. A pair of golden rings stood out on the dark blue velvet of the box. There was a thin black stripe around the middle of each ring.

Nico took Will’s left hand and held it firmly in his.

“Will, you are the one who stayed with me. The one who asked me to stay. The one who gave me a reason to stay. You are the one that made me feel my life is something worth to live in. I don’t know whether it was fate or anything that made us found each other, I am just glad that we did.”

Will tried to hold his tears, but a stubborn one still rolled out of his eyes.

“With you, everything felt a bit easier. Life was not easy. It would never be easy for us. But with you, it’s more bearable. And I can only think of you when I try to think of the future.”

Still holding Will’s hand in his, Nico kneeled down on one knee.

“William Lucian Solace, will you marry me?”

Will smiled but that smile wasn’t even close to what he was feeling now.

“Do you even have to ask?”

“Just answer the question, tesoro. You’ve ruined half of my plan so I would really appreciate it if you don’t ruin the other half.”

“Yes, Nico. Yes.”

The half-crescent moon weaved its way back to Nico’s lips as he took one of the rings from the box, and put it on the floor. He gently slid the ring into Will’s finger, then brought Will’s hand to his lips to kiss the knuckles.

Nico took the box back and stood up. Will took the other ring out. His hands were slightly shaky as he took Nico’s left hand, but as he slid the ring into Nico’s finger, he knew that this was one of the best things that ever happened to him in his life.

He brought Nico’s hand to his lips, and kissed the knuckles. The gold felt cold against his lips, and Nico’s eyes that were staring at him were warm. Will’s heart swelled and it felt like his chest was about to explode with this blissful, heavenly feeling.

Will wrapped his around Nico,  kissing him like it was the only thing that kept him alive. Somewhere at the back of his head, he half-heard the sound of the box fell on the floor but then everything was forgotten as he felt Nico cupping his cheeks, kissing him back.

Nico slowly pulled away, but he gently put his finger on Will’s lips, like he was trying to touch the taste of the kiss left there.  Will opened his eyes, and kissed Nico’s forehead. Nico leaned his cheek on Will’s chest, and let Will wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m sorry that I ruined your plan,” Will said.

Nico chuckled. “It’s okay. You only ruined half of it.”

“And I’m sorry for not being romantic when proposing.”

Nico pulled away just a little. He kissed the tip of Will’s nose. “Nothing to be sorry for, tesoro. You’re just being you, and that’s what I love the most about you.”

He rested his head on Will’s shoulder. “Besides, you have your twenty-four hours to fix your proposal,” he teased.

Will laughed. “Okay. But when I do it, can you wear that grey sweater that you got from Hazel? I love it when you wear it.”

Nico snorted. But Will could feel he nodded.

“Noted,” Nico said. “And if there’s any dancing involved in the proposal, let me know first what song we’ll be dancing to.”

+++

Author’s Notes 1. It’s been a while since the last time I wrote fics. I know that my writing is a bit rusty, but hopefully this won’t be the last one. 2. Thank you so so much for reading. It means a lot :) 3. Tell me what you think about this :D 4. I kind of imagined that the song that they danced to was What A Heavenly Way to Die by Troye Sivan. Or maybe Always by Panic!at the Disco. But if you have other ideas, let me know :D

[prorevenge]

EK tries get me arrested? Enjoy your own criminal record :D

[Background info]

This happened back when I was in sophomore year, and was a bit of a nerd but in a weird phase where I was actually starting to get some confidence. I spent the last 2 years thinking about launching an online business (back when Shopify wasn't as popular and prominent) and finally started to keep on track.

So I spend several weeks going to whole-sale websites, gathering products, designing the websites, etc. Once it launches, I decide to start small and only use my school district as the target market; of course there is mistrust with this system because no one takes a high school kid with an Amazon-esque website seriously. But after a while and some small purchases, I had a decent customer base with around 10-25 orders per week.

This was first when the school found out about it and the AP (Assistant Principal, person designated to watch our specific graduation class for all 4 years we are there) calls me down to his office and basically lectures me on the importance of the legality and on how I need to change the name of the website. Basically I named it after the school which was named after a well-known politician's family, and they didn't want legal issues. I did a lot of homework involving this and legally checked everything, especially since I was a minor and I didn't wanna cause any issues for my own fam.

I didn't care that much, I had been meaning to reboot the site and make it more lighter and modern anyways. I changed the name and moved on.

[Issues begins]

Now EK was a highly manipulative kid; he was one of those unlikable and bratty people who made up stories to attract girls and popularity. He always bragged he was gonna be rich because of how rich his parents were, girls would be obsessed with him, he was gonna be in movies; basically all sorts of delusional claims. I started out being uneasy "friends" with him meaning I just talked to him in class but I slowly drifted away from him because he would constantly flirt and harass these two girls, even though they told him not to and I tried to stop him.

Most of our entire grade didn't like this kid, but then he claims he owned the websites and ran it, and if anyone knows marketing, an unsavory person with ownership is bad for business. So I confront him and he apologizes saying that he'll retract his claims and say the truth.

The next day he did the exact opposite and spread rumors of how the situation happened in the opposite manner. This angered me and he forced my hand, I went straight to the site and made a notification post and email to all my customers saying that [Due to several circulating rumors about our business, we would like to remind out customers that EK does not own the website nor is he connected with us in any shape or form. Thank you for your service! Please be sure to check out our Easter Sale!]

Embarrassed, EK makes the most insane claim that I have ever heard...that I'm using the website to launder and sell drugs & weapons through school. Post-Columbine, this was taken very seriously and I was called down to the office where I found my AP and 3 police officers waiting for me. They questioned me, the website, etc while patting me down and searching my backpack, jacket, and belongings. They freaked out when they saw a condom and credit card knife (yeah it's my own damn fault for having a blade at school but I was an EDC guy who never did anything wrong). Honestly I wasn't as embarrassed as I was worried for the optics on this.

The considered this plausible intent and cause and I was handcuffed and put into police cruiser (a pretty comfy Dodge Charger to be honest) as they headed over to my house and called my mom telling them the situation. They asked to let them search my room (and only my room) and my mom obliges; with us being immigrants, she didn't want any trouble and she probably couldn't think straight from seeing her son in handcuffs. It angered me for a cop to hold me against the wall while I'm restrained, while two more turned my room upside down looking for something that didn't exist while my mother cried her eyes our at all this happening.

They didn't find anything of interest except this out of school project I was working on (JLaservideo's fire gloves, search it up). I had three of them and parts for at least 3 more. The officers asked me what it was and how it worked, I told them the basics and it was for science fair. They took them in as evidence and questioned the legality of the gloves while taking pictures along with the single canister of butane fuel.

I get suspension for 3.5 days (the rest of my school day was In-School-Suspension AKA isolation) but no criminal charges since there was no evidence. WELL NO SHIT!

I checked the office's sign in sheet (whenever we talk to an AP, they keep a record of the time, name, and date of when someone comes in. As I signed out to, I see one name before my own...EKP's. My anger doubles as all I can think of is ways to kill him but I calm myself, saying that his time will come.

The next 3 days allow me to plan for my revenge...

[Revenge time]

One of my friends had a recording of how EK said he wanted to PUSH A GIRL OFF A BALCONY at a party they both were at BECAUSE SHE REJECTED HIM! Maybe somehow that recording was emailed to the police department, teachers, and several students through a throwaway email....

I recorded him stalking this girl from school and all the way to her house and peeking in through her window. This didn't happen once, twice but four times! This was edited almost like a montage and emailed as well.

Once every 5 weeks, the school brought in drug dogs. I saw a K9 police car in the parking lot and quickly texted my friend that was a pothead. I told him to bring a weed brownie and put it in EK's bag when during 2nd period (which was at the other side of the school so he wouldn't get caught). This went swimmingly as hallway banter was filled with EK being caught with drugs in school.

[End Result]

EK was expelled, had a restraining order filed on him by the girl along with two others who came forward, and had a court case the next month. The second girl had a boyfriend who was a classmate of mine and I let him know what he was doing. Somehow the guy found out where he lived and him and his friend's keyed his car, slashed his tires, stole his shoes, and jumped him. He was found guilty for possession of marijuana (idk the real charge but the state I live in is very strict with weed; this resulted in several moths of juvenile detention where he was beat up even more. Where he is now, I don't know but I doubt he succeeded like how he bragged he would.

I spent the rest of the year in a very peaceful mindset :D

(source) story by (/u/Spade3k)

[nongoxi]

Hewwo internet I guess first post on this hellsite for the first time in a long time...? Idk what I’m fully expecting here, I think I want this to be a journal? A safe place to say what I feel without being judged for how I feel about it. Obviously I want professional help, but right now I don’t feel that this is possible, and I feel guilty trying to pay for it.

Background on that; I live with a very nice roommate who lets me live with him for nothing. He doesn’t ask anything of me and usually we try to split house duties about 50/50. Anyway, that’s irrelevant and tbh if I could go get a job, I definitely would.

I do feel guilty for not being able to work well, at least not from what I’ve learned about myself. Every time I try, I get so fucked in the head and end up quitting after a few weeks because I can’t handle it...

I’ve been diagnosed with so many things at this point that idk what to believe. CPTSD, regular PTSD, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, probably some other thing that I’m entirely unaware of. Who knows. I’ve been undiagnosed with DPD and BPD so that’s at least good? Idk, BPD was a large stretch by what seemed like a pill pushing asshole. And DPD came after that with a proper evaluation. Its been over 5 years since then though, and recent therapy sessions have said I more than likely don’t fit that diagnostic criteria anymore. So yay for improvement?

Depression and anxiety make sense, but I honestly think they’re symptoms of cPTSD (which was originally thought to be PTSD or PTSD like symptoms depending who you ask). I feel most hopeless when it’s like... in relation to past trauma and I can usually function well until something triggers me. Then it’s just breakdown after breakdown that could possibly last for two or three hours, maybe longer. I’ve only really had a few strong flashbacks... those were scary, being encompassed by an abuser who still follows me some places online. Yet I still question if I’m the true abuser, even though I really have no ill will towards anyone who’s ever harmed me. I just want peace I guess. Idk, it’s hard to know if I’ve ever been super toxic or abusive myself you know? Like, just trying to control my own life and my own will. Trying to gauge what’s good for me or not and make choices that are for myself idk. I’m not making much sense anymore so I’ll move on I think.

I’ve tried multiple different types of medication, mostly SSRIs and benzos and firstly, benzos are trash don’t get me started on the major addiction I was starting to develop or the emotional want of that high in the first place. Second, SSRIs pretty much always just make me wanna like... not exist. Like in the bad way. I’ve been on a few mood stabilisers and I’m allergic to the most common one, so that was fun dealing with whether or not the rash was gonna spread to my mouth. It didn’t, but you know, it was on my chin so let’s just not think about that anymore. I think the sad thing is, I want to be better, I really do. But with having taken probably over 30 medications with no help so far? I just want to get better without medicine. It feels like I’m always forced to take medications that I don’t want to though. You want therapy? Gotta have a psychiatrist too. Why? Idk, money? Maybe? I feel like therapy would be more productive if I could deal without having to have a medication station looking over my shoulder, ready to shove pills between my lips though. I’m tired of medicine.

Even Wellbutrin makes me feel like I want to self harm or not exist. Using it to stop smoking has been painful and honestly I’m still smoking just as much so? Guess it’s not working anyway. I’ll tell my gp about this at any rate, because she seems like she’s the only doctor who actually listens to me when I say something.

Speaking of which, I need to write a list of what things I’m feeling so I can give it to her. I’m scared, but I think it would benefit me in the end. And maybe she’ll listen to me about the “potential” ED I have. Look, I know I have food problems, I exhibit a lot of fucking symptoms of A, B, and BED but haha I’m fat so no one listens. Look, going through a binge phase for like 4 months straight and feeling uncontrollable urges to eat the whole house? Gaining 20 pounds in that time? 5 pounds a month isn’t that bad but bruh I weigh enough that my daily caloric intake is 2900 without exercise for maintain. Like 3500-4000 cals a day isn’t normal can we just discuss that thanks??? Anyway. No doctor wants to hear it and I always get the “write your calories down” stuff which makes me just... want to control it down to 1200 or less a day and. I try so hard not to do that and I’m stuck now. I don’t know what to do anymore and I need help but lmao wow that’s.. Impossible to get when you’re fat I guess. And it’s not just “I’m 180 pounds I’m so fat”, no I’m around the 275-325 mark (no exact details because I really don’t want people to know who I am or how I may look physically, if anyone ever actually finds this).

Idk where to even go from here. I feel better writing this out. I have no clue what to even remotely say. I wanted to vent and I guess I did so, but I didn’t really vent about what I wanted to, so now I’m just confused. Hell, I barely remember what I wanted to vent about so this is probably better. Imma sign off on this though for now, maybe I’ll be back. Who knows.

Btw, call me Nogi if you wanna use a name. I’m agender, but I’m comfortable with any pronouns (they/she/he/it). I’m 25. I’d prefer minors not interact with me, and that’s about the only reason I bring up age. So if you’re a minor, please leave.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to speak about how I feel and vent. Maybe reblog cute things? Or vent things? But mostly I’m here for me. Respect that.

[fresh-outta-jams]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 10

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: You’re in college by the time your soulmate tattoo finally shows up, an address. Sending a letter couldn’t hurt, right? Note: hehehehehe Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff, mentions of Exp*nsive G*rl... Word Count: 1.8k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

“Okay, I have two things.”

Namjoon sat at attention, that curious, inquisitive, and slightly concerned look in his eyes. It was like he could feel the tension waiting behind your words. “Yeah?”

“Okay, first, tell Jungkook I’m gonna fight him.”

He laughed. “Can I ask why?”

“This boy...every time I try to play Superstar BTS his rap in No More Dream ruins my perfect streak.”

“Valid. What was the second thing?” Namjoon tilted his head to scratch the back of his neck, leaning further against his desk chair. He had gone into the studio extra early today. You admired his dedication.

“Well, I kind of, uh…” Your cheeks flushed red. Maybe bringing this up wasn’t going to be as easy as you thought it would be, but you pushed on nonetheless. “I was digging around on Twitter, you know, like I do, and I, uh...so one of my mutuals sent me a really old...song of yours...”

For a second, Namjoon didn’t really get what you were talking about, but then, eyes widening, He Did. “No, tell me you didn’t…” He covered his reddening cheeks with a large hand, hiding his face from you. “Baby, I am so, so sorry you had to hear that. It was a long time ago and I want you to know that I’m not like that at ALL anymore and--”

“Joonie, it’s okay.” You giggled at the look on his face. He was so worried about it, it was adorable. You swore you’d never seen his cheeks so red. “Sweetie, really, it’s fine. You were like eighteen. You don’t even want to know all of the cringy shit I did six years ago.”

“Okay…” He nodded, taking a few deep breaths. Something settled over him. You couldn’t tell quite what it was, but perhaps he had been thinking about something. “I was thinking about this the other day, and it made me really sad.”

“What?”

“I’m never going to get to take you to prom.”

“Aww, Joonie, that’s okay. Prom is overrated anyway.”

“Well, yeah, maybe, but it’s not just that. I’m never going to get to ask you to prom. I’m never going to get to see you in your prom dress or take you on an awkward first date and be so, so nervous to hold your hand.” He let out a long sigh. “I hate that we’re so far apart, jagiya, I just want to see you. I think it’s killing me inside. What is it you call it in the States? Soul…”

“Soul sickness. I know. I feel it too. And it hurts, but it won’t always, right? It’s gonna take a little while, but we’ll get there.” You tried to be reassuring, but you were in pain too. “And then you can awkwardly hold my hand.”

He smiled a little, almost hesitant. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

***

“Dear Namjoon,

I’m madly and entirely in love with you. I really don’t know what to do. My whole day revolves around seeing you, talking to you, even if it’s only for a little while. Someday, I’m going to be standing in front of you, and that boggles my mind. I’m 100% sure you give the best hugs ever, and I can’t wait to test out that hypothesis.

I’ve been watching all of your interviews, English and otherwise, and I can’t get over the way you hold yourself. You’re such a leader, so intelligent. You always know what to say. I’ve also been watching a lot of your concert videos and good lord, is it possible to be bias-wrecked by your bias?? Holy shit, Namjoon, your stage presence is something else entirely. My roommate is always worried my jaw is going to get stuck open.

I’m sorry my letters keep getting shorter. I have more homework this semester than I did last semester. It’s been keeping me pretty busy and I-”

Mid-sentence, your phone rang. Namjoon never called at this time, and yet, there he was, calling you. You picked up, a puzzled look on your face.

“Jagiya, can I talk to you about something important?” Namjoon paused and looked at his wrist, running the numbers in his head. “Wait, shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“I should be, but I’m not. Continue.” You took a long sip of coffee from your favorite travel mug.

“Are you sure? You look tired. It can wait until tomorrow if you-”

“Namjooooon, just say what you need to say.” You whined, silencing his protests.

“Alright. So. I just got out of a meeting, and I have some good news and I could not wait a single minute to tell you.” He waited for a reaction, but you tilted your head, urging him to continue. “I did some digging and some research and I talked to some people, and everything is going to work out the way I thought it would, and--” Namjoon cut off his ramble. “Sorry. Anyway. I...Well, you know how you said you didn’t know what you were doing this summer and you wanted to get a job to help with school?”

“Yes…”

“Well, I kind of...found you a job.”

“Elaborate.” You only kind of understood the point your boyfriend was trying to make.

“So, you know how when we go on tour, we have a ton of camera people doing all of the behind the scenes stuff? I figured, since you know how to use cameras and stuff, you can just...come with us.”

It still wasn’t connecting all the way just yet. “Wait, give that to me one more time. You want me to...”

He smiled softly, his voice getting gentler. “Baby...I want you to come on tour with me. I want you to get paid to spend every second for several months with me.”

“I’d get paid...to film you. And stay in hotels with you. And…”

“And travel the world with me. I mean, well, if you want to, of course. I just...I thought…”

“Well, yes, obviously my answer is yes.” You wiped at the happy tears trailing down your cheeks. “Oh my god, Namjoon, yes.”

“Good. Good, okay. Alright, awesome.” His heart was pounding hard, threatening to leap right out of his chest. “I’m gonna email you the paperwork tonight and then you can print it out and just mail it to me and I’ll handle the rest, alright?”

“Okay. Alright. Yes. Yeah. Oh my God.”

He chuckled, looking over your shocked state. “Breathe, baby, just breathe, alright?”

“I’m trying to.” You replied, sucking in a long breath and letting it out. “Holy shit, Namjoon, thank you so much.”

“No, thank you for saying yes. I think honestly I would have collapsed on the spot if you said no.”

“Why the fuck would I say no?” You laughed, snagging a tissue from your desk to wipe at your tears. “You are the love of my life, there’s no way I would turn an opportunity like that down.”

“Okay, good.” He smiled, dimples on full display. You swore your heart stopped then and there as you were left to bask in the glory that was your gorgeous boyfriend. His expression softened as he looked at you, and he let out a soft groan. “Ugh, I love you so fucking much. I just want the tour to be here now.”

“I love you too, Joon. And believe me, I’m already counting down the days.”

***

With Parts 1, 2, and 3 of his plan accomplished successfully, Namjoon decided it was time to move on to Phase 2, which would consist of several more parts. The first, and arguably the easiest of these, was to creep on your Twitter, which he usually did anyway.

This time, however, he would be snooping through your followers, not your posts, although he did stop to reread your ReTweet of a picture he had posted a few days before. Your response was something along the lines of ‘oh my GOD why is he so BeAuTiFuL?!?!’ Even after all of these months, he still wasn’t sure how you thought that, but it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside nonetheless.

Refocusing on his plan, Namjoon clicked on your followers and scrolled through the list. It was short, as you had said, but that made it a lot easier to find who he was looking for. Luckily for him, you talked about your friends a lot, so it wasn’t too difficult to pick Lily and Grace from the list. He followed each of them, waited a few minutes, and then messaged them.

RM_fan_94: Hi, are you Lily and Grace? This is Namjoon, (Y/N)’s soulmate…

***

“Dear (Y/N),

As I’m writing this letter, I only have to wait four precious months before I finally get to see you. Four months. It seems so far away, but every single day, it gets closer. Before you know it, you’ll be in my arms. God, that makes me the happiest man in the world. I have a countdown on my phone to the exact minute I get to see you.

I’m seriously so excited. I’ll finally get to introduce you to the boys, I’ll get to take you to Europe, I’ll get to show you around Seoul, and if we have time, we can stop in Ilsan and you can meet my parents and my sister. They’ve been dying to finally meet you. My sister is seriously so excited. And you’ll get to meet my dog!!

So, I’ve been reading the books you sent me and I love them. God, why are you so good at everything? My treasured Petoskey stone is sitting on my night stand. I kiss it every night and every morning. That was embarrassing, forget I said that.

I hope your classes aren’t killing you too much. It sounds like they’re really weighing you down this semester, and that makes me sad. Just hang in there, alright? The end is near. I love you, and I believe in you. Fighting!

The boys are so excited to meet you, Jimin especially. I can’t wait for them to meet you. And you’ll finally get to see us in concert!! I’m arranging to get you tickets for one of the shows so you can just watch and not work and enjoy it at least once. It’ll probably be one of the US shows so you can actually understand what we’re saying.

Oh!! And when we’re on tour, in our downtime, I can teach you some Korean!! If you want, I mean. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But that would be so cute. And we can match outfits and hold hands and go on dates in foreign countries...I’m getting too excited, jagi, sorry.

I love you so, so, so, so, so, so much and I seriously cannot wait to see you.

-Namjoon”

***

You waited in front of the printer in the school library anxiously waiting for the printer to spit out the very, very important documents you had to fill out and send to your boyfriend.

You read over it a little, holding them in your shaking hands before leaving the printing room and sitting down outside the tea shop. You clicked your pen a few more times, reading over the words carefully before you began filling them out.

Tagged: @iie-wakarimasen, @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @huhuehuey, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson, @btswerewolfaus, @oyasumi7, @mycurrentusernameisalreadytaken

[morgansfave]

so sometimes i go through these phases where I'm 110% done with life

then there are times like this.

I've been with this guy for almost two months now and I can't remember the last time i was this mentally exhausted. it's like, why am i putting myself though this? he's not abusive or anything and I'll get to him again later, but a relationship shouldn't CONSTANTLY feel like just another thing you have to deal with on top of everything else. I absolutely give up on talking to any of my friends about this because it always has one of three outcomes (or two or all):

they don't care

they tell me im being dramatic

they defend him/take his side

i just don't feel like dealing with that anymore, or at least at the moment. i don't want to have my feelings invalidated anymore. I'd rather just keep it bottled up at this point. and then i start thinking, are they really my friends? or do they just feel bad for me? or am i that annoying kid who can't take a hint/they don't know how to tell me to fuck off? because they're always belittling me. It's like I'm their fucking punching bag.

because I am. because I allow myself to be.

me and my passive, nonconfrontational ways. I'd rather take constant abuse than say or do anything to defend myself.

my "friends" as i will now refer to them honestly suck. i get that relationships are important to people, but i couldn't imagine completely abandoning my friends for my boyfriend. I'd NEVER. and they'd be pissed at me if i did. but I'm supposed to be okay with them doing it? it's fucking bullshit.

back to the boyfriend thing. god where do i even start. is he a bad boyfriend...no. maybe? i don't know. it's so fucking exhausting I can't stress this enough. I don't remember exactly how we met but i think it was some stupid instagram group chat. and we became best friends and i developed feelings because I'm a dumb bitch who catches feelings too fast. but the feelings i had for him weren't gone in a week like they normally were and i knew i was in trouble. i eventually told him how i felt in September and he miraculously liked me back. since that day, I've spent every single day wondering if he does actually like me or if he just didn't want to hurt my feelings, because sometimes it feels like the latter. I'd blame it on my paranoia, but I'm not the only one who sees it this way. in the past three days we've had maybe two full conversations??? (and i get being busy, but how hard is that to communicate? it takes seconds to say "hey I'm busy can't talk" but with him its more like, an 8 hour silence with a "hi" and the occasional "i miss you" i know im overly sensitive about everything, including this situation, but I can't be the only one who gets this).

i try so hard. and i don't necessarily mean in my relationship, but life in general i guess. i try so fucking hard and it's exhausting. i try so hard to fit in. i try so hard to be a good friend. a good girlfriend. a good person. i try so hard to do well in school. i try so hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. i try so hard to see the good in people.

someone once said that when you view the world through rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags. sure, i understood it upon first reading it, but now i understand it. I'd like to apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors from this point on (or at any point, really. I've never cared for proofreading) since im currently bawling my eyes out, but that's neither here nor there.

so my boyfriend does this specific thing a lot, I won't say what it is because it's a dumb thing to feel this upset about and i feel pathetic for crying over this, but at the same time i believe my feelings are valid, but he does this SO much and it hurts so much more than it should. i did mention my oversensitivity, earlier.

maybe I'm overreacting but when someone tells you that you're doing something that bothers them, you should actually try to fucking stop doing that thing if you care about them. within reason of course. the little things like telling cruel jokes at their expense, not asking to change something about you (physical appearance, personality, etc.). I've told this guy more times than i can count how much this thing hurts me and how much I've cried over it and it always goes the exact same "I'm sorry" and i forgive him, like a dumbass, and he does it again.

every. single. goddamn. time.

and i think, how much more of this can i tolerate? I'm so tired of talking about the same thing over and over and nothing changing. it's a waste of time.

he's also the type of guy who treats you different depending on who's there. when it's just us, it's amazing. but if even one of his friends is there, I'm almost invisible.

I'd talk to him about it but I don't see a point. it's a whole fucking cycle and im tired of being the only one left hurt and crying for days while he's having the fucking time of his life. if i didn't love him so much I'd let him go. I would've let him go a long time ago. the first time he did what i told him hurt me AGAIN. god why is everything in my life such a mess? i always tell myself to listen to my mother because when she doesn't like someone I'm involved with whether it be romantically or platonically, there's a reason. in all my years she's never been wrong ONCE. and i tell myself "maybe she's wrong about this one" and you know what? she probably will be wrong about a person one day, but it's never the person i want it to be.

she tells me a lot about this because she was in my position once. she doesn't want me to end up like her. brainwashed, naive, and pregnant before my life even started. luckily her life turns itself around, but that's rare. she doesn't want that for me and I'm so glad she's always there for me during the fallout after not listening to her.

it makes me feel bad for taking her advice for granted.

should i leave him? i have no fucking clue. do i want to? no, but if things don't change, i see no reason to stay. i can only remember very few times in my life where I've been this down and just tired. idk. rant over.

[sgtduckybucky]

Sorry

Anon said: So I just learned you take song request. Can you write something with Sorry by Halsey. Maybe something angst about Sebastian. I totally understand if you can’t.

A/N: I’m so, so, so, SO sorry for taking so long! I’ve been going through a lot lately but I finally managed to write and post this. Hope you’ll like it! 

p.s, requests are open!

The ticking of the clock on your bedside table numbed your sense. Tick, tick tick, the handle went with each passing second. You were lying on your bed, staring at the wall in front of You. Your phone kept lighting up with every notification You received. You didn’t bother to check because You knew who it was as always, It was Sebastian Stan. The man You loved dearly. No, the man You hated intensely. No, wait, that isn’t right either. Sebastian Stan was a man who randomly became a part of your life. And things were great at first. You were fast close friends who did everything together. Until one day, it all stopped.

I.

As a person who suffered from general anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder, it wasn’t easy to be an introverted person and keep up with all the social gatherings. Still, You tried your best. You went out with friends when You had the time, You made sure to interact on social media platforms and tried to have alone time outside the house for at least one hour. It was pretty draining for You but it was better being in bed, numb from everything around You and ignoring the world You live in. Not being in contact, not eating or drinking and not bathing.

It was on one of these outings that You had met Sebastian. Your friend had invited him over for your usual dinner dates with your other members of your group. You had taken a liking to him due to the similar interests the both of You had in regards to music, movies and television.

You would text each other every day. Talking about random things. You also sent snapchats to each other, which resulted in the both of you having a snapchat streak. 

This lasted for three months when one day, You just stopped everything. It was subtle at first. Giving him the common excuse of ‘hey sorry. I was busy didn’t get to see  your message.’ and when he would tell You that it’s ok and ask You how your day had been, You would give him short answers to his reply. 

Things went hill gradually after that. He would text You about a movie he would want to see and invite You to join but You would decline, claiming You had something important to do. Then, he would try to start a conversation about the latest episode from your favorite tv show and ask your opinions on it but You would tell him that You hadn’t been keeping up with the show anymore.

Slowly, You stopped responding to his messages all together, but he didn’t. It’s been months since You’ve started replying to his texts. And it’s been weeks since he decided to call You and ask if You were ok. Even your friends had intervened and wondered if Sebastian had done any harm.

You assured them that, no, he did nothing wrong. And that You were just busy. You see, the thing is, when You have anxiety and depression, sometimes You didn’t want to interact with people. Sometimes, it was ok to stay isolated and be with yourself. It’s just, people didn’t understand what You went through, that’s all.

After about two months of ignoring Sebastian, one day, You randomly texted him if he wanted to join You for a cup of coffee at the local cafe. And just like that, things went back to normal between the two of You. He didn’t question what happened and You didn’t bother bringing it up. For You knew, this would only last a while before You went back to ignoring him. 

Cause I can change my mind each day.

II.

Ah, the month of August. The month where You can sense the weather almost cooling down slowly. The month that softly whispers about Autumn being right around the corner. The month where Sebastian Stan was born. August 13th to be exact.

Despite not talking to Sebastian for about five months, You didn’t completely forget about him. He still lingered at the back of your mind, the same way a mother’s warning would whenever You were about to do something wrong.

Perhaps that’s why You still remembered his birthday. That, or the constant hints from your friend’s trying to invite You to his birthday party.

“You’re his best friend, Y/N. You should go to the party.” Your friend would whine at You.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her, “How am I his best friend when I barely talk to the guy?”

Your friend bit her lip in nervousness, “He just,” she said with worry, “He promised me not to tell you this but he really likes you and I know it would mean the world to him if you showed up tomorrow.”

You had expected this. You could tell that the Romanian had feelings for You. What with the way he constantly asks about You and see if You were ok. And on the days where You felt sociable and actually left your house, he always took You to your favorite places. The topics he chose to talk about were obviously about your interests and not his.

“It depends on my mood.” Your friend rolled her eyes at You.

“Please, just try.” She urged You.

And You did. You honestly tried to go to his party. You spent the morning of his birthday trying to pick out an appropriate outfit. You even showered and shaved your legs for the damn thing. But, when You walked out of the bathroom, with the steam following after You and twirling towards the ceiling before vanishing, You felt your shoulders slump at the sight of the black dress laid on your bed. 

With your hair still dripping wet, You walked to your bed and grabbed the hanger and put the dress back in your closet. 

You didn’t feel guilty as the hours went by. You didn’t feel anything as your friends kept texting You to please, please come. You still had time. You didn’t even frown at their angry texts or their insults. You just continued to browse through whatever app You were in the mood for.

And when Sebastian’s message came through at 2 o’clock in the morning, saying, I didn’t get to see you tonight. I hope you’re well, You just read it and went back to watching some random show on Netflix, not fully processing the show.

III.

“At last, my love has come along. My lonely days, are over.”

Came the voice of Etta James through the car speakers. You smiled as You turned up the volume, singing along to the lyrics and humming the forgotten words.

Suddenly, a voice in your head, that sounded just like your mother, said. It’s his mom’s favorite song.

You continued to hum the song as the thoughts of Sebastian invaded your mind. 

A week after his birthday, Sebastian had invited You over to his place for lunch and, to his surprise, You said yes.

His home was lovely. It was small and cozy, yet spacious enough to have multiple bedrooms, bathrooms, a living room and a kitchen. 

Sebastian’s mother had welcomed You with open arms and a bright smile on her lips. Claiming that she had heard so much about You. She had an accent to her words but it made her sound charming.

Sebastian’s mother had made Ciorbă, Cabbage roll and Mititei for lunch. And, although it was a lot of food, all of you managed to eat everything.

His mother was a total sweetheart who loved to tell jokes and laugh loudly. She also liked to make new friends and made sure that her guests were comfortable. You could see where Sebastian got his caring nature from.

When lunch and dessert was done, Sebastian’s mother suggested to play some music and went to turn on the radio. 

“Oh, I love this song!” She said through her Romanian as Etta James’ voice filled the room. She then extended her hand to Sebastian and asked him for a dance.

Without even a blush of embarrassment, he gladly took her hand and dance with her, singing some parts of the song to her. 

You watched the two of them with an easy smile and swayed gently to the melody.

IV.

September 22nd, the first day of Fall. The plants were slowly changing. The greens fading into yellows. The skies filled with darker clouds. The wind getting colder. And the rain increasing its visits. Just like today.

You silently watched the trails of rain sliding down the cafe window. You were entranced by the people walking outside, some rushing to get out of the rain and stay dry while others enjoying the wet visit. Your right hand was wrapped around the warm coffee mug while your left hand supported your chin.

The flash of lightening didn’t phase You, nor did the loud boom of the thunder. It was actually calming for You.

“Y/N?” 

Slowly, You forced yourself to look away from the captivating show of people outside and dragged them to look at the persona who called your name.

“Hello, Sebastian.” You greeted, voice emotionless.

His hair was slightly wet, You noticed. His umbrella was in his hand, still dripping, making a small puddle of water next to his shoes. He was panting slightly, cheeks red in color.

“You can join me if you want.” You offered, dragging your eyes to the empty chair before You and then looking at him once more.

He smiled, “Sure, let me just order real quick.” He rested his umbrella against the table and placed his black jacket on the back of the grey chair.

Minutes later, Sebastian had returned with a steaming mug of coffee, taking seat before You.

Neither of You said anything. You, busy watching the people outside, and him, pouring sugar into his drink and then looking at You, stealing a quick glance at what caught your attention.

“So,” he dragged out the word, “how have you been?” he asked.

It’s been almost a year since you’ve met Sebastian Stan. A year of you two being friends. A year of him enduring your mood swings. A year of him checking up on You. And a year of never giving up.

“I’m...okay.” You answered, wrapping both your hands around your forgotten half empty drink. “What about you?” 

“I’m doing great. Working is a bit exhausting though but I’ll get over it.” 

You gave him a polite small smile at his answer.

It was quiet again between the two of You. Sebastian took a couple of sips of his drink while You continued to watch out the window. The air around you wasn’t awkward. Nor was it enjoyable. It was something that was just there. A statement that there were two people sitting together and not saying anything to each other.

“I’m sorry.” 

Sebastian brought his head up from his phone and laid his eyes on You, who was still looking out the window.

“For what?” he asked with his eyebrows pulled forward and voice laced with confusion. 

“For ignoring you.” You replied after a long pause, finally looking away from the window.

“It’s ok.” he assured You with his kind eyes and gentle voice.

You shook your head.

“It’s just, I knew that You like me.” You noticed his eyes widening slowly, “I’m sorry that you ended up falling in love with a person like me.”

It took Sebastian a couple of seconds to ask You, “What do you mean?”

You looked away from his curious eyes, rubbing your hands in anxiety. 

“I’m...not an emotionally stable person, Sebastian.” You answered, looking him straight in the eyes. I runaway when things are good. I hide behind my depression and anxiety when my life seems to look good.”

You watched as Sebastian tried to say something, mouth opening and closing, “I thought that you would give up on me when you saw the truth. That it’s normal for me to cut off all ties for months for no absolute reason. I knew that you like me and I was sure that my behavior would have you running away.”

Sebastian didn’t say anything, wanting You to finish.

“I stopped replying to your messages and calls, I didn’t show up to your birthday last month. I went months not talking to and I was sure that your feelings towards me would change and yet, through all that, you stayed. You stayed and never changed. And I never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me whenever I decide to meet you. How they light up with happiness at the mere sight of me.”

When You didn’t say anything else, Sebastian slid his hand across the table, palm opening upwards. You slowly rested yours on top of his and felt your heart skip a beat as he closed his big hand around yours.

“I don’t know much about you.” Sebastian began, “I don’t know if you like me or not. And if you do, I don’t even know if our relationship will last. But I do know this,” he brought his eyes up and locked them with yours. The intensity in them made your breath hitch, “I am willing to try. I am willing to be committed. And though you may not understand why, why I have strong feelings for you, I am willing to show you.”

With every word he uttered, with every reassurance he had in his voice, You felt your heart pickup speed. It was different from when You had anxiety or panic attacks. It was surprisingly a pleasant feeling.

You nodded your head, “Ok,” You said with a shaky voice. Body tensing as Sebastian squeezed your hand in affection.

“I’m also willing to try to change-” You frowned as Sebastian shook his head.

“Don’t change for me, Y/N. Change for yourself. Change because you want to.”

At his words, You smiled shyly at him and squeezed his hand back.

Things grew slow between you. It took a long time for You to change yourself. It took awhile for You to accept that there was someone who loved You in your life despite the things You suffered with mentally. It was a while before You explore your relationship with Sebastian. But it did happen. You slowly growing to like Sebastian Stan happened. You going on dates with him happened. And You accepting to be his girlfriend happened. Your habits of isolating yourself didn’t completely disappear, but neither did Sebastian.

[jojotier]

Really quick update on random projects I have going on for gk fics, under the cut so as to not take up too much space:

- On The Subject Of Character Bombs, like I’m planning with Tsukishima- Honestly it’s a toss up on when this first character bomb will be done, just bc one of the five fics to be uploaded at once (Frost Heart, a story taking place in siren au) is getting up to 8-10k in length, and I wanna keep it a oneshot

- I may replace Frost Heart for the moment with a second TsukiKoi canon divergent oneshot idea I’ve had, Tightrope, which includes Koito tightrope walking Tsukishima to safety over a ravine

- For now the plan for TsukiBomb is:

1. Eat Up: Heiji Koito, in Sado for a military parade, confounds everyone when he glosses over dozens of noble families and seemingly snubs military kids by inviting Tsukishima, the hated son of a murderer, to eat with him instead. Also includes Baby Otonoshin, aka the Grumpiest Infant Alive

2. Update on the Tsukishima with Dog fic but it’s kinda become a Monty Python skit because Ogata is inexplicably stuck in a tree. He won’t say he’s stuck though. Mostly an exercise in walking the thin line between Tsukishima’s survivor guilt upon meeting Tsurumi again after months and seeing that the brain damage is still being treated, his rightful bitterness over the military venture and essentially being used, and a lighthearted tone to keep it from slipping too far into despair. 

3. A vaguely canon-divergent fic where Tsukishima defects to Sugimoto’s group, set after 190; told from Shiraishi’s POV as he kinda tries to help Tsukishima with the obvious existential crisis he’s going through with a lot of vaguely disarming talk and a drop of alcohol. Also focuses on Sugimoto and Asirpa, with their sibling relationship and the connection they have, untainted by Sugimoto’s brain injury and acting as a foil to Tsukishima’s implied thoughts about Tsurumi, since I’m versed in neuroanatomy and know for a FACT that the same injury isn’t going to cause the exact same effects, particularly when the base personalities are different

4. The second half of that TsukiKoi modern boxer’s au- much less trauma on Tsukishima’s end, a lot more lighthearted banter, and Koito being encouraging in his kind roundabout way as he tells Tsukishima to stop giving those weaksauce punches Jesus Fuck give me all you HAVE already

5. Frost Heart, which goes over Tsukishima’s sudden introduction into the world of magic, Harry Potter style. Kind of. I mean, there’s no magic school, and he doesn’t even know he has magic. He meets a mermaid Igogusa, they help each other survive as they learn more about the other’s species, and he slowly learns that he has an innate ability over water magic, bit by bit. Which is a bit complicated, since as a kid, Tsukishima is deathly afraid of deep, open water... It’s a mild coming of age story, basically, with a lot of magic elements, and it’s a balancing act, since Tsukishima’s father lurks always just off screen... 

- I do want to do similar “Character Bombs” in the future, where I drop like 5-7 fics all at once centered around one character, and the next one I wanna do is Asirpa- but that one’s taking me a long while, because I want to do some canon compliant things with her exclusively with other Ainu characters, and it’s taking a lot of research and careful review of ideas. I’ve already revised or outright scrapped quite a few ideas, but one that I’m sure of is one where a little Ekasiotonpuy (Asirpa) spends time with Inkarmat, telling stories and teaching magic...

- Another is “Ozoni Wars”, a modern little ditty where Shiraishi and Sugimoto compete with two different styles of ozoni to impress our young judge Asirpa and her Huci, trying to prove that either Kanto or Kansai style is OBVIOUSLY the best kind of ozoni. Might be SugiShira, but probably not, just to focus it more on Asirpa

- The more immediate project that you might see update in the next few days is Vainglory, with more SugiShira shenanigans! More magic! Kumagashi trying to come through and trade a seemingly powerful artifact for an Ainu artifact produced centuries ago (protected and kept new by magic, of course), meeting carefully mistrusting eyes from quite a few in the kotan...

- Another one you may see in the next month is a new Sinfonietta Paper for siren au, centered around both TsukiKoi and the golden trio separately coming to hunt down the same magic sea creature- a sandbar hag, leagues long and only coming from the depths of the ocean once every 25 years- one group to plunder a few of the magical artifacts on its long back, the other to take a strip of tail meat...

- I wanna do an Edogai centric fic exploring how he began his grisly “hobby”, the beginning scene based in part off of the time I went to a cadaver lab and worked with the dead bodies when I was 17. I’ll never forget that med student who flippantly told me that oil based soap gets the smell off your hands, or how giddy the instructor looked while pulling up those mostly mummified intestines...

- I currently have two out of three possible choice paths fully planned out for Phase 2 of the Starchasers upload- it’s taken a bit, mostly because I’m trying to determine which items a reader doesn’t necessarily have to find to reach a good ending at the end of Phase 4 and what options may lead to a reader having a harder time in Phases 3 and 4, elevating the struggle to reach at least one of the Good Ends- it’s not impossible, it’s just a little more difficult, depending on what you’ve chosen previously

- Of Phase 2 the trees I have fully planned, with the list of possible chapters, are the First One where Sugimoto and co. are outside the space station and choose whether to wait for something to pass or explore immediately and ending with landing inside the station, and the Wait path, stemming from if you choose for Sugimoto and co. wait for whatever might be outside the ship (if there’s anything) to come into view or pass.

- I just have the “Explore Immediately” tree of branching options to plan out for phase 2 and then I can start writing in earnest. 

- I’ve also decided to implement a “morality” system which more or less decides whether or not Sugimoto is allowed to adopt Asirpa as family by the end and am planning a possible SugiShira dating sim element to later phases

- Formatting for Phase 1 is going to be a Bitch, so I’ve decided to put up a checkpoint chapter that will be deleted once all the text has been officially uploaded, after which I’ll start linking all the chapters together

- Art is hard. But I’m doing it. I’ll do it for you, Starchasers

[irikahkrios]

hank this is the exact opposite of wrath month but gimme that sweet sweet themmus fluff and tell me their bedtime routine; sleeping positions pre-bed rituals the works tell me abt my fave boys

ohhhhhh my goddddddd bless you gg

okay so like,,,,

re: sleeping positions, they fall asleep a lot of different ways, but they always seem to wake up the same. emmett in the middle, thane and garrus cuddled up on either side of him. because their human husband has soft fuzzy hair and high body temp and a nice layer of soft, cuddly chub, and they can’t resist curling up close to him, even in their sleep. em loves it; nice protective layer of husband surrounding him. after everything he’s been through, he loves the feeling of safety.

pre-bed, they’ve gotten into the habit of doing stuff to de-stress. pre-bed bathing/grooming especially is a nightly ritual that helps all of them kind of wind down. (i’m really into those headcanons that turians and drell have alternate ways of bathing, like special brushes that turians use to clean their plates, and drell doing weekly oil buffing or something like that. with thane especially, i get the sense that he can’t bathe with water anyway because the regular exposure to humidity might make his keprals get worse faster?? so oil buffing it is.) emmett uses a host of facial moisturizers and exfoliators and beard oils and expensive crap like that. gotta maintain his dadly good looks, and this nice thick beard doesn’t groom itself. skin/hair care is one of the few things he really splurges on. 

i’m a sucker for the whole “lovers helping each other with their bathing/grooming routines” thing, it’s just such a soft, domestic act that shows so much loving intimacy and familiarity?? especially since they’re all different species and have different routines and needs, and each probably had to teach the other two how to properly do it. i’m just really into the thought of garrus explaining which brushes are intended for specific parts of turian anatomy, or thane showing the right buffing techniques for drell skin (gentle but thorough), or em explaining why he can’t just wash his beard with the same shampoo and conditioner he uses for his hair. i love the idea of each of them getting intimately familiar with the other two’s routines as time passes, until it’s almost second nature. that’s The Good Alien Romance Content I Like To See.

then, right before bed, em has gotten into the habit of making himself a cup of sleep aid tea and working on a jigsaw puzzle to calm his mind while he waits for the effects to kick in. depending on the night, each of the husbs might help him, or look over his shoulder and chat with him while he works on it, or just lay in bed and read, or any combination of those things. eventually, he’ll crawl into bed between them and fall asleep. side note, em has real problems with flashback nightmares, so their routine also includes the regular possibility of having to wake up and calm him down if things get bad. (another reason why em is always in the middle.)

after they adopt norius, their night routine changes a bit, as is to be expected when having a baby. nori is a particularly fussy little dude, and doesn’t let his daddies get any sleep. he’s a holy terror for the first year or so; emmett and thane are both shocked that baby turians can be so small yet so incredibly fucking loud. they expect garrus to be the best at calming him down, because same species = familiarity, but that....Does Not Turn Out To Be The Case. out of the three of them, none of them are really “better” than the others at getting him to stop crying. they lose a lot of sleep until nori is finally out of his “nonstop screechy crying every night for no reason” phase.

(side note: the person who does turn out to be bizarrely good at calming norius down? big brother kolyat. they’re all baffled by it, especially kolyat himself. nori just adores his big lizard brother, and stops crying immediately when held by him. and yes, this results in at least a few nights of “can you please just come over? he’s been screeching for the past three hours, and none of us can do anything about it. it’s a last-ditch effort, i know, and your father didn’t want to bother you in the middle of the night but honestly we’re getting kind of desperate and just want to go the fuck to sleep. please, throw us a bone here.”)

[marias-studyblr]

Hey, how you doing?? so, i'll be moving to portugal next year as a portuguese citizen since my family is portuguese. this way, i'll have to take the national exames and i'm having a bit of a problem studying because i'm never 100% sure if what i'm studying is really important? could you please help me? is there a site where i can find old exames to study? or important things to study? thank you so much

hello i’m doing good, thank you for asking! 

first of all, it’s really good that you are starting to concern yourself and prepare a year in advance!

I know it sounds super scary when you’ve never done one before, not being familiar with the questions, but that is very easily fixable by practicing with past exams. the exams are not that hard if you study in advance and i’m sure you will be able to get amazing grades. So.

I highly recommend buying exam preparation books and doing all the past exams.

🌸

But before that, if you haven’t already, just quickly check the information they give for each exam. here is the information for the 2018 exams.

Keep an eye out for when the 2019 comes out, I can’t remember the exact month they do but by march or april they’re normally out.

It’s a short document that describes the exam, material you’ll need and duration!

🌸

In my experience there are always certain types of questions that are if not always, at least very frequently asked and if you do all the exams you’ll see that for yourself!

ARCHIVES OF PAST EXAMS >> you can check the 11th grade exams here - http://www.examesnacionais.com.pt/exames-nacionais-11-ano.php

and the 12th grade exams here - http://www.examesnacionais.com.pt/exames-nacionais-12-ano.php

just search the exam/s you’re going to be taking and do every single one from every single year, first phase and second phase!

they used to be in an official IAVE archive page, but now I can’t find that for some reason. either they took it out, which I find very weird, or I just can’t find it since the website is growing more and more complicated to navigate by the year …

but you can try to look it up yourself here - http://iave.pt/ (though it doesn’t really matter, the other links I gave you are way more easy to access).

🌸

they also have official books that I also highly recommend in their online bookshop -  http://livraria.iave.pt/, that organize all questions from all past exams by topic so you can practice and see what kinds of questions they came up with for each chapter.

the 2018 edition is sold out so keep an eye out for when the 2019 edition comes out. :-)

🌸

it’s probably what you’re already planning to do, but I recommend doing every exam from beggining to end and then thoroughly correcting it along side the official correction guidelines (which you can also consult on those archive links).

it’s also crucial to practice with time, so make sure you can do the whole exam in a bit less of the actual time they give you. that can only be done by practicing at home!

try to go over the questions a few times and especially the ones you got wrong, so you understand why and can get it right the next time. That is so so important! Don’t get lazy on me, and do that for every single exam! shshs :))

you can make notes with those corrections / explanation for each question. those notes will be precious to you, they are very useful to revise, as you can understand why: they both focus on the content that was evaluated in an exam and that you got wrong.

🌸 

Now onto the exam preparation books. They are very popular here amongst the portuguese students and the reason why is they come with summaries of all the chapters. So that’s how you would know what to study, without having to buy all the textbooks and read superfluous information. The summaries normally contain just what you need to know.

Most of them also come with extra exercises, and the best ones even mimick the exam’s exercises, which might be good for some extra practice if you finish the past exams quickly. (don’t expect to be able to do all the exercises though, they are way to many)

Note: there are also preparation books only with past exams. Be careful to choose the ones with summaries. (All the books that I’ll be linking down bellow will have summaries and not just exercises.)

There are several exam preparation books, but don’t buy too many. I recommend picking just one for each exam, because it’s easier to study if you’re not jumping from book to book. Pick the best preparation book for you and study it from beggining to end.

My favorite publishing companies are ASA (I bought one of their books from the collection “Testes e Exames” for my Biology & Geology exam and I loved it), TEXTO and Porto Editora (the most commonly used by students; I got a few of them and found them enjoyable).

Don’t worry too much about the publishing company you’ll end up choosing because honestly they are all similar. What matters, like I’ve said, is that you go through all the material - one book - from beggining to end, as many times as possible. 

these next are some of my recommendations (and I’m naming random exams, as I don’t know what are you taking but as you can see, each publishing company has a collection with different exams, so just explore the website):

ASA prep book for the Portuguese exam (12th grade)

TEXTO prep book for the Physics and Chemistry exam (11th grade)

TEXTO prep book for the Math exam (12th grade)

ASA prep book for the Biology and Geology exam (11th grade)

At least this website - Leyaonline - ships internationally, as is explained here, so you can start revising as soon as possible with these, even if you’re not in the country for a few other months.

🌸

I hope this helps! 

I’m going to say once again that these exams are not that hard if you have time to practice past exams and revise everything a few times, which i’m sure you will do..

Good luck with everything, I wish you so much success!! 💕💕

[cultureaddictconfessions]

Nabbed - A Sirius x Reader Thief AU

*This is the first Sirius imagine I'm posting, so bear with me on the formatting, etc. As is custom, Y/N is your name. Basically, you are a thief who’s been planning a heist and unfortunately stumble upon a wily Padfoot who’s there to claim your prize. Who knows how you’ll react? I do... ;P*

The cold air brushes around you, biting your cheeks like an impatient child. You look down into the atrium below, scouting the layout for any visible traps. You’d gone over the floor plan numerous times before this, yet you still felt unsure you were ready for a break-in of this magnitude. Besides, you knew there were other thieves out there who were interested in the very same piece you were. Whispers in the wind spread about who in the “community” was eyeing the prize, but no one so far had made a move. So now, it was your moment. You were meticulous, and your magic gave you an advantage over regular Muggle cat burglars. You slipped your wand out of the sleeve of your black turtleneck and traced a circle on the glass in front of you. It vanished instantly, just large enough of a hole for you to crawl through. All you had to do was cast a rope charm to lower yourself into the area below.

Once you were suspended in air, you sprinkled a handful of magical powder all around you, watching it filter down toward the ground, revealing multiple laser barriers. Easy pickings. “Oy! Who’s dropping dirt on my head? I’ve already claimed this job, what with me being here and all. Why don’t you show yourself and I won’t turn you in, hmm?”  A voice echoed up to you and you silently cursed yourself for not noticing there was someone already on the floor. And apparently, it was another thief who was already trying to steal your prize! You tried to tilt yourself on the rope so you could get a better look at the other person while remaining hidden in the shadows on the ceiling. From what you could see, the other thief was a male, slightly taller than you, his long hair pulled up in a bun to keep it off his face. The moon shining down past you radiated on his pale skin. You narrowed your eyes; no man-bun-wearing amateur was going to best you when you’d been organizing this heist for over a month!

“I seem to be in possession of the upper hand, considering you haven’t found me yet, good sir. I’ve been preparing for quite sometime… you don’t seriously think that I’m going to just hand the box over to the likes of you, do you?” You pursed your lips, trying to sound as intimidating as possible. However, you were startled when the stranger let out a bark of a laugh, and you slipped down your rope a little, your feet dangling in the moonlight. He looked up and noticed, much to your chagrin. He started walking toward you, and although you scrambled valiantly, your gloved hands slipped and sent you plummeting toward the museum floor. You whipped your wand out and waved at the ground, but you fell so quickly that you came right at the other thief. He caught you with ease, but as you were swinging your wand, you slapped him in the face and he nearly buckled at the impact. Luckily, he held steadfastly and you found yourself eye-to-eye with your new rival.

Up close, you were able to examine the man more closely. He looked fairly young, about your age, and there was an intensity about his features, from the hard lines of his aristocratic mouth and nose to the stormy shadows of his grey eyes. You felt somewhat foolish now, with your stereotypical black beanie and cat-eye mask… maybe you were the baby thief after all. He studied your presence for a moment, flushed against his chest with your arms around his neck. Then, he placed you gently on the ground beside him, out of the way of a nearby laser.

“I don’t think seriously most of the time, but I am Sirius, so does that count? Anyway, I believe that since I’ve just saved your life, you owe me an explanation. Or at least your name.” The ghost of a smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth, causing a blush to skitter up from your chest to your cheeks. The man called Sirius reaches out to pull up your mask, but you step backward and almost set off the alarm. Sirius pulls you toward himself instinctively, rescuing you again from another rookie mistake. You sigh and, without looking into his eyes, slip the mask off and tuck it into your black leather pants.

“It’s Y/N. I can’t believe I’m having to be rescued by some hipster thief with a pretty boy face. I had everything sorted and now I’m getting flustered for no reason…” Sirius cracked into a grin now, feigning offense. With your body still inches from his, he tilts your chin up to look into your eyes. You can feel your breath hitch in your throat and mentally curse.

“I have that effect on people, I’m afraid. It’s a curse, honestly, but it’s mine to bear. Also, hipster?! Just because I've got the bright idea to tie my hair up while working doesn’t make me one of those flannel-wearing, coffee-obsessed peacocks. Any self-respecting gentleman thief has to do whatever it takes to get the prize… then again, maybe getting hit in the face by your wand is the prize that I deserve, hmm Y/N?” He chuckles as he pulls out his hair tie, letting his shaggy hair fall to his shoulders with casual elegance. You grimace, pointing your wand into his chest and rotating around him, now closer to the case where the jewel box was held. No matter how attractive Sirius appears, you can’t let him distract you from your goal. You needed that box more than anything right now.

“Oh boo hoo, poor you. It must be very difficult to be taken Siriusly when you look like that. Is that why you’re playing robber? If you like getting hit by my wand, I’m sure I can arrange to do it again… wait, you know what this is?!” You lower your wand slightly, pointing it in the direction of his pelvis in case he tries anything untoward. His eyes narrow as he continues to smirk at you, almost menacing. He backs you closer to the box display case, his stalking gate like a predator cornering its prey. Your eyes widen slightly as your brain finally processes that this thief is also a wizard who is slowly gaining the upper hand.

“Are you really surprised that the only two thieves who’ve made it this far are wizards? Honestly, I’m impressed that you’re a witch because you’re about as clumsy as a Muggle. Clumsy and joking with puns. Who’s playing now?” Sirius moves closer to you, trailing his fingers up your outstretched wand. This is your moment, no matter how much fear is prickling at the back of your neck. You mutter an incantation and, with a surprisingly-graceful flourish, you plunge your hand through the glass case surrounding the box and clasp a hand around it.

Sirius is finally startled, forced to relinquish his grip on you as you swing around. You ignore him, focusing all of your energy on phasing the box through the now liquid surface of the case. It’s a bit heavier than you imagined, but you manage to wrench it through without a hitch. Sirius just stands behind you, transfixed, as you levitate the box in front of you. When that’s done, you reach into the pack strapped at your waist and fiddle around for something. In a moment, you pull out a small wooden box, not very unlike the jeweled box you removed. You pass your wand over the surface, casting a disguising spell before neatly sliding the object into the place where the treasure sat. You pull the box out of the air and turn back to Sirius, who has finally come to and is staring at you in awe. You raise your eyebrow at him haughtily. He smiles.

“Okay, maybe you’re not so green after all, Y/N. How about I make you a proposition for the box… I imagine you want it because you’re going to sell it to the highest bidder. Fair. What if... we worked together to get an even bigger haul, and sell the whole lot for a castle’s worth of fortune? You may have pulled that off right in front of me, but without me here, you would’ve gotten caught at least twice. I think we’d make a pretty good team, and, as you can tell, I’m a rather agreeable gentleman.” Sirius holds a hand out to you, palm facing up to appear less deceptive. You eye him warily; just a few moments ago, this other wizard had tried to corner you and intimidate you… who was to say he wouldn’t turn around and betray you as soon as you let your guard down. Still, he was right that he’d rescued you. Sirius could have just let you fall, take the box for himself, and left you to take the blame. Perhaps he had acted instinctively during the whole situation, from saving you to stalking you. There was something slightly off about him, like an animal who’d been caged for some time who was every second deciding whether it needed to exact revenge. You didn’t know if you could trust him, but the sincerity glinting in his eyes began to melt away some of your doubt.

“You should never underestimate a cornered cat burglar… she might just transfigure into a lion. I’m not going to pretend I trust you, Sirius whomever you are. But I admit that I appreciate you not letting me die within the span of about 10 minutes, so… I’ll hear your proposal, but not here. I keep the box. You set up the meeting, and I’ll be there. A gentleman can surely take the word of a lady, can’t he?” You press your hand into his, still clutching the box to your chest in the other. A wan smile spreads across his lips, amusement dancing in his dusky gaze. Once more, he moves toward you, this time more gently padding to close the proximity. He looks down at you, flicking his tongue out across his bottom lip pointedly. Your hand tightens on your prize, unsure whether he’s going to make a move on it.

“Okay Y/N, I’ll prove to you that I’m right. A lady’s honor is unquestionable. But… as a gentleman, I suppose I owe you a display of loyalty. Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron entrance to Diagon Alley. Tomorrow at this time; bring the box in your handy little pack.” Sirius leans his head down imperceptibly and, without warning, presses his lips against yours in a chaste kiss. You’re completely caught off guard, but your body reacts separately, returning it with some dash of fervor. He is still holding your hand as he steps backward with you, and his heel strikes into a laser with all the might of Achilles. A bell shrills through the air, breaking the two of you apart. You stare at each other in horror for a moment, as Sirius swears at his stupidity in getting distracted.

“Tomorrow, the brick wall, 11 o’clock. I’ll be there, Sirius. Make a convincing argument, will you, m’lord?” You sweep a leg behind you with a mock curtsey, which brings the light back to his face. He nods, his feet starting to dematerialize right in front of you.

“Until tomorrow, beautiful Y/N…” He whispers across the distance between you, then disappears like a candle winking out. You take that as your cue to leave, and disapparate from the spot, focusing on the vision of your flat’s balcony a few blocks away. You reopen your eyes after the sickening feeling has passed, and you’re perched on the railing of your balcony. Wrapping your legs comfortably to ensure your balance, you run your fingers over your lips, replaying the feeling of Sirius’ soft mouth on yours. You raise your face toward the moon. “See you tomorrow, Sirius.”

Let me know if you liked the story in the comments, if you want to read more stuff, and any other thoughts. I feel like it’s not as fully developed as I would like, but this is my first attempt at an x reader fic. And honestly, it’s a little PG for my taste, but I wanted to let Sirius’ imagined personality blossom slowly, just like my love for Ben Barnes every time he shows up on my television. ;P  Thanks for tuning in and maybe I’ll come up with more soon! xx Bri P.S. This is dedicated to my new friend @wizardwritings who writes really great fics and inspired me to try my hand at writing imagines, so if you haven’t read her stuff, definitely do!

[allenmendezsr]

Investment Property Success

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Investment Property Success

 Buy Now

    Learn About Investment Property Success

I have been buying investment properties for over 25 years now. During that time I have developed a unique but simple system. This system enables me to continue to buy top quality residential investment properties with total confidence of success and continued rental cash flow.

Here’s a sneak peak at what you’ll discover in Investment Property Success:

How to run multiple investment properties smoothly and successfully year after year.

3 simple ways to virtually guarantee great paying, long term tenants.

AMAZING insights Discover in a matter of minutes…how to know exactly what to look for in properties for them to be great rental investment properties.

The best way to get the most out of your property and achieve great rental returns.

Keys to getting 100% Tax Back year after year.

How to know what type of accountant, broker and property manager you need for fantastic results.

The mind set you need to have, to successfully own multiple investment properties.

REVEALED! The hidden truth behind successfully owning multiple rental properties.

Testimonial:

“If only I had this information years ago, I would have saved thousands of dollars and saved myself from many stressful headaches. The principles are simple and very precise. It’s a must if you are serious about owning investment properties”

– David Shaw, Auckland New Zealand

This is just a fraction of the knowledge and insight you will find inside Investment Property Success. If you are a landlord and you want your investment properties to truly start working for you, then you should own this book today (in fact, you could be reading it in as little as 5 minutes from now!). All you need is Adobe Acrobat for the PDF ebook, Microsoft Excel for the spreadsheet. You will receive delivery of the ebook within seconds after you purchase it right now.

And don’t worry, if for any reason you are not happy with the content, you have a complete guarantee to protect your investment.

100% RISK-FREE MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

Hey, you’re the customer. And if you’re not happy, it looks bad on me. So if you’re not satisfied with what you discover from Investment Property Success I don’t expect… or want… to keep your money. Just simply whip off an email to me within in 60 days of your purchase and I’ll happily refund your money in full (in fact, I’d feel embarrassed to keep it!)

But… the e-book is yours to keep no matter what as a “thank you” gift from me.

Okay? So you really can’t lose, the e-book is yours no matter what!

That’s about as fair as it gets, don’t you agree?

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

All you need is a credit card; no special account sign-ups are required. And it’s totally secure. Your credit card data is passed directly to the bank and no one but the bank has access to your information.

From: Mark Johanson, 2:00pm

Dear friend,

If you are a landlord and interested in owning residential investment properties … then this is going to be the most exciting message you ever read.

Here’s why:

There is an amazing new book called “Investment Property Success”. It covers nearly everything you need to know about how to successfully own multiple residential investment properties.

Imagine being able to own multiple investment properties that only take you a few minutes a month to keep running smoothly. Generating hundreds of thousands of dollars in equity for you every year…

Or what if you could learn a system that gave you the confidence to own multiple investment properties. This is going to create massive equity growth for you, which compounds year after year. Currently I generate between $500,000 to $1,000,000 equity growth in an average year. Year after year!

Imagine being able to do all of this with only a few minutes effort per month. It’s truly possible, but you need to know how.

That’s what this brand new book could help you to do.

Professional Property Investor – Melbourne, Australia

Here’s more that you’ll learn inside Investment Property Success:

The little-known methods for getting and retaining great long term tenants, (whilst still being able to increase rent each year).

5 proven steps to never having trouble with any tenant.

2 simple keys which makes everyone happy (the tenant, the rental manager, and you!).

4 proven strategies for keeping tenants long term.

7 tips for keeping your rental property looking superb all the times.

A free and easy way to handle the tax man & maximise your tax return.

Discover the best type of properties to buy that attract long term tenants.

How to generate massive amounts of equity every year.

Your secret weapon for keeping tennants happy!

Keys to Landlord Insurance, End of Lease Inspections and more….

How to best work with your property managers to get them to work for you.

Finally, the guide you’ve been looking for. Discover how to not only manage one property, but multiple properties. It’s owning multiple properties that generates you massive equity growth.

What’s a resource like this worth?

To have someone research the best methods of property investment would potentially cost you tens of thousands of dollars (I should know, that’s what it cost me!). Particularly laser-guided accurate information like that contained within Investment Property Success which has been pains-takingly produced to provide an optimial approach for successfully owning multiple investment properties. This is not a hastily cobbled-together collection of generalised suggestions, but a sure-fire guide to successful property investing.

If you are a Landlord, this book is a MUST! Everything is explained in plain English. Which means it’s very simple to read and understand. It’s very logically laid out and the principles are universal and can be applied anywhere. It’s like a Bible of best practices for Landlords.

Which is why Investment Property Success is a bargain at $27.00

That’s right, a fraction of what it’s really worth or what it cost me 0ver the years. Why would I make it so affordable? Simply because my costs to deliver it to you are so low.

You either already own or are looking to buy an investment property; the cost of which is perhaps $200,000-$500,000 or more. Compared to the cost of the property, the price of this book is extremely low considering it will help you get the most out of your investment. The book is also 100% tax deductable; so it virtually won’t cost you a cent.

Honestly there are two ways to get this information; through 25 years of experience and trial and error like I did to discovery a fool proof system, or save yourself the time and start today by purchasing this e-book. You can download it today and begin applying the strategies and principles right away. Why wait, reap the benefits immediately!

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

Urgent: Time Sensitive Discount! During the price-testing phase of my offer, I would like to offer you a special dicount off the book if you order now! You can save $20 immediately off the original price of $47.00 and

Download Investment Property Success right now for

ONLY $27!

Please note: this special discount is only being offered during my testing phase, and is closely monitored on a daily basis. It can be changed at any time. However, I will honor the discount pricing on all orders that I receive in the next 24 hours.

With Investment Property Success, you can virtually say goodbye to headaches like:

Bad tennants.

Loss of rent.

Damage to your property.

Lawn or gardens out of control.

Investment property headaches.

Because Investment Property Success is an electronic book (e-book) you can download it to your computer in a flash. Which means you could be discovering all these amazing secrets in as little as 5 minutes from now.

By avoiding costly printing expenses, I’m able to offer this fantastic resource to even more people. Following the information contained in the book’s pages could really give you some amazing results.

No matter what, it’s a bargain for you! And yes, I plan on raising the price from $27.00 to at least double that very soon. Once I get a few more testimonials from satisfied customers, the price will increase. So you’ll want to be quick if you want to save some money.

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

$27.00 is a drop in the ocean compared to what you learn with these secrets and how much you’ll make year after year….potentially 10K to 50K equity growth per property per year. Now multiply this by 5 or 10 properties!

Investment Property Success is not a large book puffed out with tons of filler and fluff that just overwhelm you. It is an exact manual on what you need to do, how you need to think and the exact setup you need to have to successfully own multiple residential investment properties. I guarantee if you use the information contained within this book it will improve your success with investment properties.

Well let me tell you what I’ll also do to make this the best investment you ever make. I’m going to throw in some free bonuses that are literally worth more in money terms than the ebook itself!

Simply grab your copy of Investment Property success right now, and here’s what I’ll through in:

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

Free Bonus #1: “Property Folder Layout”

This amazing bonus will show you exactly how to set yourself up to be organized and keep great records for every investment property you own. Making looking after your properties simple!

Here’s what is revealed:

How to organize your yearly records in a simple ordered manner for each property.

The keys to managing multiple properties simply and effectively.

How to set yourself up to succeed behind the scense and make this aspect a breeze.

Not bad, right? But that’s not all you get! Because I’m also throwing in:

Free Bonus #2: “Maximizing Your Tax Return”

You don’t know it yet but, at the end of this bonus, you’ll know everything you need to know about maximizing your tax return and the keys to getting 100% of your tax back each year..

Here’s a short list of what this amazing bonus contains:

How to maximize your tax return to get 100% Tax Back!

An extensive checklist on what you can claim for best results.

Keys to using your tax to help fund your investments.

Imagine how you’d feel if you knew these things! YOURS FREE when you order “Investment Property Success” You are reading this, aren’t you?

Well the good news is, that’s still not all. Because I have another gift for you.

Free Bonus #3: “Income & Expenses Tax Sheet”

Are you beginning to see how valuable this information is? With this amazing bonus you’ll know all the essentials about how to layout and organize your investment properties profit and loss sheet so it’s a breeze come tax time. You will receive a working excel document that’s ready to use. You just print out your results and pass them straight onto your accountant. This document is the result of many years work to end up with the final product.

You’ll discover:

How to be organized and reduce your record keeping hassles.

How to reduce your accounting service costs, since you’ll have easily done the majority of the work by the time you hand over your documents.

How to do all this quickly and easily with the exact same Excel spreadsheet I use. It’s all set up for you to use instantly.

This is an interactive document with pop-ups giving you information about what to claim in each section (see sample below).

Free Bonus #4: “Members Q & A”

With this fantastic bonus you effectively become a member of Investment Property Success. Once you purchase the book here today, you will be added to a member registry, where you can ask me any question related to investment properties, tenants, agents etc. Just send in your question through “Contact” on the website and I’ll get back to you asap. If I personally don’t have the answer for you I will find it out through my extensive list of professional contacts.

Here’s what’s included in this fantastic bonus contains:

Get access to ask me any question on residential investment properties!

It’s like a membership without any fees.

Get access to my estensive list of professional contacts.

… that’s some list of FREE gifts, right? A total value of $150 in bonuses!

They’re each worth every cent. But hey, they’re yours FREE. Congratulations!

But I don’t know how long I’ll keep these bonuses up there. It’s part of a marketing promotion I’m doing. They’re worth a lot to me in my heart, and at any time I could stop offering them forever. So if you want them, get in quick.

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

And hey, don’t just take my word for it on how great this package is. Listen to what people just like you have to say about it:

“The information in Investment Property Success is fantastic and right to the point. It made things so easy.”

– Ron Roney, Australia

“The principles are simple and very precise. It’s a must if you are serious about owning investment properties.”

– David Shaw, Auckland New Zealand

As they say, the proof is in the pudding. And these people are super happy. Just like you’ll be.

You can’t leave this page empty handed, can you?

For a mere $27.00, you’re getting all the answers you need… PLUS MORE. Now you can only get this product from me here. It’s not available in libraries or anywhere else online. Just imagine being able to get this product downloaded to you right away.

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

Wishing you great success.

Warmly,

Mark Johanson

P.S. Don’t forget, you’re getting $150 worth of bonuses for just a fraction of that price. Everything to get you started on the road to success with your investment properties. So if that’s what you want to do, this is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.

Also, I’m taking all the risk…If after trying my system you don’t start to improve your results, I’ll refund every penny. What have you got to lose? Try it now!

Remember, you can download Investment Property Success immediately. Five minutes from now you’ll be on your way to implementing the system.

P.P.S. Don’t forget the “Limited Time Special” price of $27 can be guaranteed for the next 24 hours only. After that it could be increased back to the normal price at anytime.

Click red heading to expand or hide section…

Here’s Proof of Some of my Recent Purchases

In recent years I’ve purchased a variety of top quality residential investment properties. The principles and techniques I use are universal and can definitely be used anywhere.

2 of these properties purchased were ‘Off The Plan’ properties within 7km of Melbourne’s CBD, with a total value in excess of $800,000. The Melbourne property market grew by 26% that year, that’s $208,000 in equity growth, and these properties weren’t due for completion for another 6 to 12 months.

Here’s the basic details of my more recent property purchases:

Property 1 (September 2007) – 4 bedroom, 2½ bathroom, 2 storey country property. Purchase price $300,150. Set up as Luxury Holiday Accommodation in Mansfield – check it out at www.mansfieldhouse.net.

Property 2 (August 2008) – purchased ‘off the plan’ top level 2 bedroom apartment, settled Jan’ 2011. Purchase price $370,000

Property 3 (March 2009) – purchased tri-level townhouse in Footscray ‘off the plan’, settlement due Dec 2012. Purchase price $440,000, recently valued at $550,000.

Property 4 (March 2010 ) – 3 bedroom, 2½ bathroom, double garage townhouse in Brisbane. Settled August 2010. Purchase price $349,000

Property 5 (August 2014 ) – 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, double garage townhouse in Melbourne. Settled September 2014. Purchase price $365,000

Property 6 (October 2014 ) – 3 bedroom, 1½ bathroom, double garage townhouse in Melbourne. Settled December 2014. Purchase price $404,000

Property 7 (February 2015 ) – 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, double garage townhouse in Melbourne. Settled June 2015. Purchase price $383,000

Property 8 (July 2016 ) – 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, double garage townhouse in Melbourne. Settled July 2016. Purchase price $485,000

[3 April 2011] “One of the purchases had to have their Footscray townhouse valued a few weeks ago. The great news is that the bank valuation came in at 550k, meaning it would sell for about 575K, so that’s a profit of $135K since you signed last June 2009”. A 30% capital growth increase.

– Labahn & Associates (Accountant), Melbourne Australia

These are potentially the results you can get if you apply and follow the simple rules and principles in Investment Property Success.

Click here to order securely through ClickBank

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