#i know i could just. change it independently

[illbegottenfaith]

bad day - theo nott x reader

a visit from your boyfriend perks you up even on the most frustrating of days

a/n - my first theo nott fic! I’ve written for other fandom(s) so this was a nice change, hope you enjoy :

tropes/warnings - established relationship, a pet name here or there, nothing overwhelming, fluff, comfort, nothing 18+ but a brief alluding to it

word count - 1k

“Off.”

As a general rule of thumb, you were typically the clingier half of your relationship with Theo. There was something about the feel of his skin against yours and the way his touch grounded you that made you feel safe and cared for in ways you were still too embarrassed to express out loud. Theo was always happy to indulge, casually draping an arm across your shoulders and rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder.

However, like all rules, it came with its exception - particularly, when you were studying. You needed to focus on your work, and that wasn’t exactly possible with the delicious warmth of Theo pressed against your back or hip. For the most part, he stayed well away when you needed him to, but something about the adrenaline of Quidditch practice made him extra excitable. Which was how you found yourself pouring over a hellish Charms essay in the Slytherin common room late one night, when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your middle and a familiar weight rest in the crook of your neck.

“Theo, I mean it,” you whined as he slid into the seat next to yours, refusing to relinquish his hold on you, effortlessly dragging you onto his lap. Your irritation evaporated at the sight of his boyish blue eyes and his sloping smile. It was a problem, really, how you could never stay mad at him. Merlin knows his ego is bad enough as it is.

“Hey, doll.” His nose nudged yours and you finally relented, wrapping an arm around his neck as he kissed you. His face felt cool against your warm forehead, and he smelt pleasantly of some non-descript yet refreshing soap. 

“My neck is killing me,” you mumbled against his lips as you broke apart. Theo leaned back to get a better look at your wan face, distractedly running a hand down your spine.

“Have you had dinner yet?”

“Yes,” you frowned, “with you. Remember?”

Theo stared at you blankly. “Y/N. I’ve been at Quidditch practice for the past four hours.”

“What are you talking about? We had dinner, then we came up to the common room, and it was, y’know, freezing, and I said I needed to buy more fleece-lined tights, and you started saying something about liking me best without any tights, but then those fifth-years started wrestling each other over that game of -“

“- Gobstones?”

“Exactly!”

“Babe, that was last Thursday.”

Your face fell. “…it was. Merlin.” Theo watched, amused, as you let out a string of curses under your breath as you flipped through your planner, scowling. “It’s this stupid Charms essay that’s doing me in. I haven’t had my head on straight all week. Remember when I wore my earmuffs to breakfast on Tuesday?”

“Mhm.”

“Made a proper arse of myself at 8 in the morning. And I genuinely thought I saw you just an hour ago. I don’t know what came over me.” 

“I didn’t know I was so forgettable of a boyfriend,” Theo teased, as you buried your face into your hands. 

“Stop. I feel awful enough already,” came your muffled voice. Laughing, he took your hands in his own, his features softening at the exhausted look on your face.

“Rough day, baby?” You groaned, burying your face into his chest as he wrapped his other arm around you. Before meeting Theo, you took pride in how fiercely independent you were. Even now, you were more than capable of handling your daily stresses just as well as the next guy, but you still had the tendency of being tightly wound more often than not, and sometimes it just felt nice to have someone hold you while you cried about how awful life was. No one could help you or get you to decompress the way Theo did.

“Rough week, more like,” you mumbled into his collarbone. He hummed sympathetically, hand still running up and down your spine.

“You didn’t say a word.”

“It could have been worse. I thought I’d just…you know. Deal.”

You could hear the amused lilt to his voice. “Deal?”

“Deal with it. On my own, I mean.”

His hold on you tightened a fraction. “Have dinner with me.”

“Didn’t you eat before practice?”

“Hm. Have supper with me.”

“Theo.”

“What?”

You sighed. You were never one to turn in an assignment late but, Merlin - he didn’t make things easy for you. 

“I really need to get this essay done.”

“So you’ll get it done. After supper. I could take a look at it for you. Or your neck. Or both.”

You snorted. “Yeah, sure, because a distraction is just what I need now. You don’t even take N.E.W.T level Charms.”

“So you find me distracting?”

You pressed your lips together, biting the inside of your cheek. “Let me put it this way. If I, um, ‘have supper’ with you now, this essay will not reach Flitwick’s desk by 10 am tomorrow.”

Theo didn't look too happy about anything you were saying. “So what do you want me to do?”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. Like any other guy, Theo could only sympathise for so long before he was bursting with advice or solutions. You glanced at the clock, getting the distinct impression that he was valiantly trying to stifle a yawn. 

“Go, leave, shoo. Get some rest, read a book, start a fight with some fifth-years, I don’t know. I just need to bully myself into finishing this. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“But I don’t want to start a fight with some sticky-fingered Gobstones-playing fifth-years.”

Still, he reluctantly slid you off his lap, pressing a kiss to your forehead before briefly disappearing. He returned with a huge, ancient book whose weathered cover seemed somewhat related to Potions. He arched an eyebrow as you made a face at it.

“What’s that?”

“What’s that?” You shot back, looking greatly repulsed by the gnarly volume.

“Some light bedtime reading material,” he quipped. You watched his face nervously, the tell-tale signs of fatigue knitted into the creases of his achingly beautiful face.

“I mean it, Teddy. You really should go to bed.”

“Can’t. I’ve got a date in an hour.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I’m taking this really pretty girl out for supper.”

You rolled your eyes as Theo settled into his seat, cracking the disfigured tome open.

“Smooth-talker.”

[explorerrowan]

So I'm really enjoying the game No Man's Sky this year. With the patches Hello Games has released this year, it's finally feeling like the game they promised and always wanted to make back in 2016. The ships, stations, and missions are more interesting and diverse, the planet generation has really stepped up with more biomes and creatures (including oceanic and undersea stuff!), and all in all, it feels like a huge, diverse, sandbox universe to fuck around in while not feeling too empty.

The seasonal Expeditions have especially been fun. I've participated in three of them now, Aquarius, Cursed, and Beachhead Redux, and they were all great. I especially liked Aquarius, partly because I did it at a stressful time this fall and needed some time when I could just relax and catch some virtual fish. Probably the primary complaint I have is that the Expeditions are not especially newbie-friendly. Expeditions often change certain game rules (like restricting certain tech) to make sure the players participate in the Expedition's loose plot. So you kinda already have to have a certain amount of familiarity with the normal rules to know how to adapt to the changes. (The Cursed expedition was especially bad about this, since it effectively banned hyperspace travel and restricted you to portal travel to go from star to star, which frequently made objectives less obvious or harder to complete.)

Also, I really like the stuff that happens after you complete the main questline. You can meet a whole new race of robot people called the Autophage, and they're so sassy and independent compared to the Korvax and I love them. Not going to give too many spoilers about them so I don't detract from people who might play their questline, but they built their own bodies out of scrap metal and they're so proud of themselves (to the point that they call everyone else "pre-built" almost like an insult) and it feels very trans metaphor to me.

Tell me about your hyperfixation while I pose dramatically beside you.

[drukkaris-blog]

This scene is so adorable and all, their little conversation, Mike reassuring El she doesn't need hair to look pretty. Even expressing how happy he is to have her back home, which says a lot about how Mike feels about El at this point. Everything is normal again for them even if a second later it falls apart.

But

I think it's rather important to remember how this could have been their first kiss if they weren't interrupted. The fact that El tried to initiate the kiss, she knew how she felt for Mike in that moment. Even if she couldn't properly express it through her words, she expressed it through her actions and what she felt. Love is a feeling, it's not something you have to learn about. I can't say this enough because a lot of people try and claim Mike was the one who kissed her first, which he did, but to say he took advantage of her because she didn't know much about anything??? It's so gross and shows the lack of attention you guys have when it comes to this show. Or how you view El as a character, even now nothing has changed. Y'all still treat her like the little girl she was in S1, saying she needs to be independent, or single to be independent, like no, stop degrading a female character instead??? El's independent arc was written from the moment S2 was confirmed, she has been independent since than. She even stood up to her abuser in S4 and confronted him about EVERYTHING.

She has sm character development y'all just refuse to acknowledge it for a m|m ship. Which is extremely sad.

[spidrgirl]

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅

RANDOM MILES MORALES HEADCANONS:

Masterlist: here ➼

Pairing: Miles Morales x fem friend he has a crush on! ᥫ᭡

Synopsis: headcanons of Miles and a girl he's friends with, but also has a teeny tiny crush on.

Genre: fluff/friends to lovers (lol, can you tell that this is my fav trope 😜?)

Word count: idk

Authors note: I made these headcanons with a fem! Reader in mind, but I think most of these are gender neutral.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅

➳ Miles texts you throughout the day, even about the smallest details, needing to feel connected even when you're apart. When you don’t respond immediately, he starts second-guessing himself, checking his messages over to see if he said something wrong, worrying you might be upset with him.

➳ Every time you two part, he lingers, hands fidgeting or glancing back at you with a soft look. Sometimes, he even comes up with the smallest excuses—"I forgot to tell you something" or "Do you need help carrying anything?"—just so he can stay a little longer.

➳ Physical touch is everything to him. Even the lightest brush of your hand is enough to set his heart racing. He quietly aches for you to touch him more, but he's too nervous to ask, scared of seeming too needy or crossing a line.

➳ No matter what he's doing, if you call or text, Miles immediately stops and responds. He could be in the middle of training or just trying to relax, but your messages are his priority. You can't help but remember that one time when he was texting you back while mid-mission, and it just proves how much he needs to feel close to you.

➳ After a late-night patrol, he often lies awake, replaying the last time you were together in his mind. He wishes he could talk to you, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. Sometimes he even imagines what it’d be like if you were there, lying next to him, sharing everything he’s been holding inside.

➳ Sitting in silence next to you on lazy afternoons is one of his favorite things. He’s content just being near you, but the urge to confess his feelings bubbles up more strongly in these quiet moments. He bites his tongue, afraid that telling you might change what you have.

➳ When you’re talking, he holds your gaze, completely captivated. Even in casual conversation, the way you look at him grounds him. It’s like he's the only one you’re seeing in that moment, and he feels an overwhelming warmth from it.

➳ Miles checks in with you constantly. Even if it’s a small “you good?” or “need anything?” he wants to know you're okay and feels a sense of purpose in being there for you.

➳ He loves catching subtle traces of your scent on his clothes after you've been together—it makes him feel closer to you when you're not around, like he's carrying a part of you with him.

➳ If you’re watching a movie or sitting together, he’ll lean in closer than necessary, just to be in your space. There’s a comfort he finds in those moments that he can’t quite put into words.

➳ Miles remembers even the smallest kind words you say to him, and they replay in his mind like a cherished memory. When he's feeling low, he holds onto those words, letting them remind him of his worth in your eyes.

➳ Every accidental touch—your hand brushing his, your shoulder against his—he holds onto them, wishing they’d last just a little longer. Sometimes, he leaves his hand where it is, silently hoping you'll reach out again.

➳ As much as he admires your strength and independence, there's a part of him that yearns for you to need him, even if just a little. It’s not that he wants to change you, but being the one you rely on, even briefly, fills him with a quiet pride.

➳ He's always seeking your validation, not only because he values your opinion, but because your approval brings him a sense of security. He might even agree with things he doesn’t totally believe in, just to feel more connected to you.

➳ Even though he tries to play it cool when you call or text, his heart races. He'll act casual, but deep down, your attention is everything to him.

➳ Sitting close to you feels like it's never enough. He wants more time with you, more connection, but he’s scared of coming on too strong and pushing you away.

➳ He loves those rare, late-night conversations that go on until the early hours. When they end, he’s left with a quiet longing, wishing he could hold onto those moments forever.

➳ Sometimes, without realizing it, Miles can be a little overbearing in his need to help you. He’ll offer to carry your things, walk you home, or do tasks you didn’t ask for, just to feel useful to you.

➳ His biggest fear is that one day you’ll move on, and he’ll just be a memory in your life. It’s a thought that keeps him awake some nights, silently hoping he’ll always have a place in your world.

➳ If he senses you’re upset or distant, he tries even harder to be there for you, even if it’s just in small ways, like sending a meme or giving you a small gift. He wants to remind you that he's still around.

➳ Miles asks you questions about your day, your thoughts, your feelings—he just wants to know you better and to feel closer to you.

➳ Arguments or disagreements with you make him uneasy. He’ll often apologize first, even when he’s unsure of what he did wrong, just to make sure things are okay between you.

➳ If he notices you’re upset, he goes into “protector” mode, wanting to fix the situation and be the one to make things better, even if it’s beyond his control.

➳ If a day goes by without seeing you, he’ll often send you a random meme or a quick message, just to re-establish contact and let you know he’s thinking about you.

➳ He subtly frames conversations in ways that might lead to you complimenting him or showing him affection. He craves your reassurance but tries not to make it too obvious.

➳ When you’re together, he unconsciously leans into your space��his knee brushing yours, his arm near you. He might not ask for more, but his body language shows just how much he wants you close.

➳ If you start talking about someone else, especially another guy, he’ll find a way to steer the conversation back to the two of you, needing your attention on him, if only for a moment.

➳ There are times he feels so vulnerable around you that he wants to confess everything, but he holds back, afraid of losing what you already have. Instead, he stays quiet, holding onto those feelings in silence.

[lokh]

a while ago i asked how ur supposed to decide what level of hrt dosage is right for u when ur nb and the consensus appeared to be Vibes. i had assumed that this was entirely a mental and or emotional thing. i was wrong

[suosgirl]

your honor, I love him ♡

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

WIND BREAKER: Special Comic (Bonus from BD & DVD Vol.1) English Translation

[messangerforthestars]

“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.

[blorbobutworse]

Hey guys,,,,guess whos not dead?!

Teen Dad Logan :)

Or, I suppose more accurately, Young Dad Logan. And by adjacency, Uncle Dad Victor.

This turned out to be one of my largest pieces of writing ever Bee-Tee-Dubs so its going to be under this to not Kill You All:

So in this AU they meet when they're 10 and 11, Jimmy just out of foster care after they found out he's a mutant, and Vic a few weeks after murdering his Father.

At first, it's honestly Jimmy showing Victor a lot of things. Simple things, like how to forage and how to scent, but it's all...quiet. Jimmy already carries a sense of shame for his ferocity that Vic never enjoys. So he draws the kid into fights, helps him laugh until his face is red with laughter instead of shame. He learns about him, and in turn Jimmy learns about him. Happy enough kids until things turned south. One was locked up and the other ran away. They escaped and found each other. It was meant to be.

Victor gives him his new name. Jimmy hasn't felt like His in a long time and the first time Vic calls him Logan, he beams.

Vic still calls him Jimmy when he's scared, but it's their little secret.

Anyways, they stay rough and tumble until The developers in the Weapon X project find them, aged 14 and 15 respectively. It's Victor's idea that they stay. Logan, for all his desires to settle down, feels chafed by the military, but Vic sees through that, see's what they could be, in the future. See's him and his Runt living free after serving, what's a few years as lab rats if they get all their adult life? What's being looked at like a monster when he's allowed to be a monster and still get schooling? Logan doesn't think any of these things, but when Vic nods, he does too.

They're only allowed to be together for the first three months, and then their forced apart, to 'reduce codependency'. They last two years without each other, and when they're reunited...things are different.

Creed has grown into his role, with each murder proving that his dad wasn't special, he's always been meant for this, how dare Anyone Try to stop him. He's become an Animal. Sabretooth.

And Wolverine....is Wolverine now. But doesn't take long before Vic realizes somethings wrong. Wolverine glances at him, but there's no glint of recognition in his eyes. As Creed starts to question him, he thinks it's a clone. So he Kills It.

Its only the third time Logan revives and puts his claws through Creeds chest that Creed realizes it's his runt. Still, being forgotten stings, being ignored stings worse, and there's a lot more blood shed before the guards are able to separate the two.

Safe to say they butt heads a lot more. Vic goads him often, word for word the way he used to, and like a house of cards, Wolverine always folds. The only times he seems to come back to himself for a moment, are the moments after Creed's killed him, and he's just waking up. He'll get a look on his face, one Vic recognizes. He's seen it a hundred of times before, even if the runt always tried to hide it:

Fear. Exhaustion.

They never talk. Victor pets his hair as Logan's throat is rapidly sewing itself back together, or Logan rumbling under Vic's body as his puncture wounds close. In those moments, Logan Remembers.

...

It all starts to fall apart when one Logan Howlett, at the fresh age of 18, is chosen to become Weapon X.

Creed sees red. This was HIS goal, His to earn, that stupid brat doesn't even want to be here, Logan doesn't even remember why he's-

He doesn't even remember why he came here in the first place.

But Sabretooth is smart. He figures out when, and where, they're going to do the operation. And obviously, he bursts in.

As he does, he overhears a Commander noting that they should 'wipe wolverines mind clean one last time, to make sure he's only obedient to them.

And that is First Strike.

Victor lashes out, taking down a doctor and a guard before anyone can blink. But his noise distracts the surgeons and other doctors carefully monitoring The Wolverine's Adamantium intake, and one of them nudges their controls in their scramble to get away, pushing significantly more onto his skeleton than originally planned.

Victor stops when he hears screaming.

Logan hears....nothing. He knows the procedure is going to begin, but he doesn't know when. When the burning starts, he goes to that little place in his head he pretends he doesn't have. He sees flashes of Creed's face, snarling and smiling, and he feels...safe. He sees white, and red hair and...hears yelling. His eyes open, and immediately close as salt water rushes into them. He breathes unsteadily through his

The water stops draining but the burning doesn't stop. Worse, his head feels like it's being torn apart, a feeling he remembers but can't name. And suddenly, nothing matters because,

Sabretooth is calling him Jimmy and why why WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURT OW OW OW OW OW OW Victor help please please plEASE PLEASE VICTOR VIC-

...

Safe to say the adamantium causes even more psychological damage to them.

There is one single benefit: The Memory Adjustment failed. In fact, it failed so bad that Creed, for three whole days, get's Logan to himself.

They don't do much. Logan wakes up and launches himself at Vic, legs collapsing as his ligaments struggle to accustom themselves to the weight of his new bones. He's in constant pain, mostly just looking at Vic with big, sad brown eyes until he lies back down with him on the shitty Hospital ordered bed. It creaks under them, but thankfully never gives.

When they do talk, they don't talk about the memories. About Wolverine gutting Sabretooth to prove a point, about Sabretooth biting out his spinal chord, about Wolverine ripping out his teeth in claws. None of it matters. They know it can't last. Creed didn't plan, and Logan is too weak to think, not that he does much of that in the first place.

After those days of clarity post operation, Logan is wiped clean. And for the next year, it's back to normal. For Wolverine at least.

But of course, Logan has to beat him to the punch. Literally.

Around a month after the one year anniversary of his Surgery, Wolverine comes Bursting through the training rooms, with twenty guards hot on his trail. Sabretooth, a Predator, Obviously follows. Logan runs and runs and runs, and eventually rips the door of a particular room, to reveal...

an eerily large room filled with tubes. There's wires and things being suspended in liquid, and at first, Victor can't comprehend what he's looking at. By the time he reads 'X-02', Doner Wolverine, Logan's already broken three of the tubes with his claws, uncaring of the thick glass cutting him open in retribution for being shattered.

people go flying, and as they hit equipment the room itself begins to collapse, separating Sabretooth from Wolverine. Wolverine continues through the rooms, ensuring that there's nothing deeper inside that can help them make more of him. He has enough nightmares. Sabretooth stays back to help finish the job. All those tubes don't destroy themselves, you know?

He finds a room full of his samples, and a woman in a chair. A woman with a bullet in her neck instead of her head. Poor thing had probably gotten caught in between him and the guards. But why was she just sitting-

The woman has a baby in her arms, tubes still attached. He growls for a moment, moving to finishes her off, but freezes when she and she's groans.

"Laura...Laura..."

Logan looks at her little beady eyes, mousy brown hair, and knows...she's his.

Before he's even thought about it she's cradled in his arms, evidently all wrong because she starts to wail and Vic skids in, shoulder denting the doorframe as he stops and stares at the scene in front of him.

The woman gives one final shudder, and her head lulls. Dead.

Still, there's no time to think. Victor hears thuds getting closer to the room, and as he looks to his right he realizes there's only one way out. The window. Oh well.

with a swear, he lifts Logan by the back of his jacket and gives him a shove, and his back goes strait through the paneling and out of the fourth story. Victor whoops, and follows him down. By the time he's already made his much more elegant landing, Logan is groaning and cussing him out as much as his winded lungs will let him, which is a surprising amount. Still, Vic scruffs him again and sets him on his feet, and nods in the direction of the woods.

"Lets go"

And they do.

They end up being surrounded by the X-Men somewhere in Maine and are "Invited" to Stay at Xavier's school. Logan decides for them this time. A house, a promise that the government will be dealt with for them, and that he can get all of his memories back are very good motivators. And they an finish their education.

Victor actually...enjoys classes. He likes being smart, and it's easy. Logan does Charter school. He had lasted exactly a week in public education before deciding that if he had to deal with one more idiotic comment from one of those stupid fucking kids he was going to-

Well. His words were Not Child Friendly, so he made sure to cover his kid's ears. Besides, he's bonded with fellow teen Rogue and preteen Jubilee and Kitty (his daughters) like little sisters, but he never really settles unless he's with his Kid. His Laura.

He had to fight to keep her, a young unstable mutant like him was not the ideal parent, but for the first two months, she sobbed if anyone else held her, terrible screeches, and would reach for him to the point of falling out of peoples arms. And, he had imprinted on her to. He swore he could tell when she was happy or uncomfortable before she could, would burp her or flip her back onto her back before she got fed up with tummy time.

Vic is Terrified of touching her but refuses to admit it. He carefully runs his finger down her pudgy little cheek, in awe of her soft skin against his knuckle, when she moves suddenly, and she attempts to nuzzle her way into his palm. He, obligingly, opens his hand. When one of his claws scrapes her hair, he freezes, waiting for her to cry out. Instead, she burbles happily, honey brown eyes giving him long, slow blinks.

She likes his head scratches the best.

Logan sometimes falls asleep with her on his stomach on the couch, leaving Victor to carry him AND his clingy baby back to bed, the crib next to them so Laura can still grab onto Logans finger. They sleep together now, in a nest of blankets and pillows, Logans hand always off the bed but still somehow still touching Vic, as if to make sure he's still there.

Their codependency is back full swing, and the only time they can be reliably separated is when Vic goes to school, because he goes with Scotty, and the Boy Scout would never let anything happen to another mutant, even if that mutant makes him want to shoot him with his laser-beam full power just to see what would happen.

Thankfully, because of Victors presence, the Mind Adjustment does actually work, but it leaves Logan questioning his parallel memories for years. In the process they realize that...Victors memories have been tampered with too.

But that, is a story for another time.

[godsfavoritescientist]

Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.

I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.

Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?

How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"

And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.

So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.

So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.

And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.

-

And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.

Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.

And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.

So you sail away in a boat together.

And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.

But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.

But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.

You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.

And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-

-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.

You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.

-

And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.

It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.

And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[tuituipupu]

a sad rant about how i personally feel like ur a vishun is eating itself before my very eyes & digging a nice large hole in the ground to go lie in is brewing inside me i just need to find the right words to express it.

[magentagalaxies]

vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

[jacketpotatoo]

I was watching clips from Little Women 2019 on YouTube (im so normal about that movie) and on the one with Jo Friedrich getting together at the end, people were commenting “oh I’m so glad Jo found the capacity to love another person romantically because she would be a static character if not. They were so sweet together 🥰” and I had to close the tab because HNG,,,,,,

Firstly, it was heavily heavily implied that the ending where Jo gets together with him was simply made up for the sake of the publisher due to prejudices and constraints of that time period (which was reflected in Alcott’s own experiences of trying to get little women published). This was supported by the colour grading of the scene and it’s place in the story: it’s warm-toned and Jo hadn’t been characterised in any way that would suggest she wanted to be in a romantic relationship for the whole story. Her loneliness is not a byproduct of wanting romantic love, but of living as a struggling artist in the oppressive patriarchal standards of her time; there’s also the fact that her family is moving on and growing up all around her as she’s the only one left behind in her family home, which is further emphasised by the fact that she’s the one constantly clinging to the simplicities of the past. She considers accepting Laurie’s proposal not because she loves him in a romantic way or wants romance, but because life is a fucking struggle. And that’s why Friedrich showing up at her doorstep, from the perspective of a viewer, especially because he hadn’t shown up at all since the film’s opening, is jarring as hell. But it’s deliberately paced to be and ignoring this in order to make such a statement as “oh finally the perfect man for Jo” INFURIATES me. Especially when the scene under the rain? The confession scene? Was the cheesiest culmination of every romantic trope ever. This - accentuated by the jarring shift in themes and character - was a brilliant meta-commentary on actual criticism of the book where it felt like Jo married Friedrich out of nowhere.

Which brings me to the next thing - romantic love being seen as the be-all, end all for… everything. (coldest take of all time but unfortunately, not cold enough apparently) It’s not!!!!!!! Absolutely nothing against it (I love my ships as much as the next person) but when a filmmaker pays such attention in her commentary to love and societal perceptions around it, when she explores sisterly love and motherly love and platonic love etc. all so thoroughly. And you still leave thinking Jo was happiest and fulfilled when she gets together with Friedrich. I… I don’t know what to say. I’ve seen people say that the ending is ambiguous (and it is rather) but I’ve only ever seen it this way and I just don’t agree with the interpretation that Jo just gets married happily in the film because if so, holy crap was it paced/set up badly. All evidence just points to the contrary in terms of character, and themes, and just how the film is structured. And it’s genius! It’s one of the reasons why the film is one of my all time favourites. It’s such effective satire on how society (back then and evidently now) views romantic relationships. So it just makes me so annoyed when people ignore the nuance

Ok *breathes* I’ll stop

[philosophicallie]

ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me

[buttercupart]

why doesn't chara & asriel live with toriel at all?

everyone's gone on without you