#i know i could just. change it independently
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So for all of you who think nothing matters:
We have a local, I guess I'll call it an events complex. It's where concerts and the fair go. It's owned by the city.
When Trump started the whole ICE thing, our commissioner sent a letter to the local representatives, telling them they could use it as a detention center for illegal immigrants. Our event center. Where the 4H kids show their fuckin' lambs.
"The fuck you will" was the resounding reply.
So, when I talk about coalition-building, and working with people you do not agree with or maybe even like, this is what I'm talking about. There was an immediate and vocal show of disapproval, from all sides. We all contacted people we knew would dislike this, REGARDLESS OF HOW THEY FELT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. The meeting was packed with people yelling at the commissioners. Of all political stripes. Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Prairie Populist, Independent.
Some were, of course, the tumblr-style arguments about inherent humanity, but--I think more compellingly if you're actually trying to put the pressure on--there were questions of, 'How are we gonna get paid?" "Are you aware of how, as the only event center for more than two hours, much fuckin money this brings into the community? ANd that immigrants of all types make up less than 2% of the population of the entire state?(my argument), "Do we trust the government to pay us?", "Isn't there a fuckin' empty prison in [town about an hour from here]? Are you just being a kiss-ass?' (offered up by a man I know to be very conservative indeed. BUT HE DID NOT WANT OUR SPACE USED FOR THIS) and, an argument that was so good I was infuriated I didn't come up with it, "DO you think the bank is gonna want to be known as the sponsor of "National bank Detention Center?" (Which caught on and the bank had to offer up a letter saying how they hoped the commissioners would use the event center as intended.)
They folded. A letter came out a few days ago from the manager of the event center, saying it was decided that the events center would rescind the offer, as "more acceptable alternatives could be found." They blinked.
That's the thing. All that happened is that a bunch of people got mad an went to ONE TWO HOUR MEETING. It changed everything.
SHOW. UP.
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F1 GRID | Independence Day
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୨ৎ : featuring : max verstappen, lewis hamilton, george russell, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris, oscar piastri ୨ৎ : synopsis (requested by @runnergirl234) : celebrating the fourth of july with your f1 boyfriend <3
୨ৎ : genre : comedic romance & fluff ୨ৎ : tws : fireworks??? idk... ୨ৎ : word count : 3148
୨ৎ masterlist ୨ৎ
ᡣ𐭩 a/n : you guys should know how much of a sucker i am when it comes to introducing someone to a different culture, this was so so so fun to write🥲
ʚ・max verstappen
max didn’t get it.
“so, you just eat a lot and blow things up?” he crossed his arms, eyes narrowing like this was some elaborate prank.
“pretty much,” you said, handing him a beer.
he exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “you americans are insane.” but he cracked open the beer anyway.
the backyard was packed. the grill smoked, the table was buried under piles of burgers and hot dogs, and a guy in an eagle tank top was aggressively tong-flipping ribs like his life depended on it. kids sprinted past with sparklers, and someone had already set off a rogue firework that nearly took out a lawn chair.
max surveyed the chaos like he was analyzing a new circuit. someone shoved a hot dog into his hand, and he stared at it like it was an untested setup change.
“no cutlery?”
“no, max. just eat it.”
he sighed but took a bite anyway. chewed. nodded slightly. “not bad. bit plain.”
he grabbed the mustard and squeezed way too hard. a horrifying amount of it slopped onto the bun. he stared at it for a long moment before taking another bite. his expression didn’t change, but you could see the regret.
“this was a mistake.”
when the fireworks started, he barely reacted at first, just tilting his head to watch as red and blue bursts lit up the sky. the next one was louder, the kind that rattled your ribs. he flinched, just a little.
“bit excessive,” he muttered.
someone handed him a sparkler, and he held it like it might explode in his fingers.
“just wave it around,” you said. “it’s fun.”
max verstappen does not “wave things around for fun.” but after a few seconds, he started moving it in small, cautious circles, still frowning in deep concentration. then, like it was a matter of principle, he traced out the number 1 in the air.
of course.
you laughed. he shot you a glare. “say nothing.”
the grand finale kicked in, launching fireworks in rapid, ear-shattering bursts. max, now fully resigned to the chaos, took a long sip of his beer and gave a small nod.
“alright,” he admitted. “i kind of get it.”
another firework exploded so hard it shook the ground. he blinked.
“…still think you’re all insane, though.”
ʚ・lewis hamilton
lewis adjusted his bucket hat, surveying the backyard scene with an amused but slightly wary expression. smoke curled from the grill, country music blared from a bluetooth speaker, and someone was setting up a folding table for what had been described to him as “competitive beer pong.”
“you lot take this holiday seriously, huh?” he mused, sipping on an iced matcha he had brought himself.
“it’s america’s birthday,” you said.
he chuckled. “right. and what’s the game plan? burgers and blowing things up?”
“basically.”
lewis shook his head, grinning. “so, absolute carnage, then.”
he fit in better than he probably expected. within ten minutes, he was deep in conversation about plant-based grilling techniques with someone’s confused but intrigued uncle. he took over the aux at one point, replacing the country anthems with smooth r&b, nodding along as he flipped a veggie burger with the confidence of a seven-time world champion.
when someone handed him a sparkler, he twirled it effortlessly between his fingers, making little figure eights in the air. “alright, i see the appeal,” he admitted, watching the light trail behind his movements.
then came the fireworks.
lewis leaned back in his chair, watching the first one explode across the sky. his sunglasses, which he had no reason to still be wearing at night, reflected the red and blue bursts.
“these are, what… not regulated?” he asked as another one screamed into the sky.
“not really.”
he exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “man, if i did this in monaco, they’d fine me and take my yacht.”
still, he looked genuinely impressed. when the grand finale hit, shaking the ground with an almost comical level of intensity, he let out a low whistle.
“alright, america,” he said, tipping his hat slightly. “you do know how to put on a show.”
just as he said it, someone behind him lit an illegal firecracker that shot sideways, barely missing a parked truck. lewis instinctively dodged, years of racing reflexes kicking in.
he stared at the scorched grass for a long moment, then slowly turned back to you.
“yeah, i’m gonna stick to silverstone celebrations.”
ʚ・george russell
george arrived looking like he had just walked out of a country club. polo tucked in, hair perfectly styled, white sneakers that had clearly never touched a patch of grass. he took a slow, deliberate look around the backyard. shirtless guys were shotgunning beers, someone was wrestling with a grill that was clearly too hot, and kids were launching bottle rockets dangerously close to a tree. he exhaled through his nose and adjusted his watch like he was mentally preparing for what was about to unfold.
"alright," he muttered to himself. "let’s see how this goes."
at first, he took the polite approach. he asked well-structured questions about barbecue techniques, nodded attentively as someone explained the art of smoking ribs, and accepted a plate of food he clearly didn’t recognize with a determined sort of curiosity.
then he saw the keg stand.
he narrowed his eyes, watching as a group of guys hoisted someone upside down, beer pouring straight from the keg into his mouth while the crowd chanted encouragement.
"what exactly is happening there?" he asked, arms crossed.
you explained. he blinked. "and people enjoy this?"
before you could answer, someone clapped a hand on his back. a very large, very enthusiastic man in an american flag tank top grinned at him. "you're up next, british boy."
george let out a small, nervous chuckle, glancing at you like he was waiting for an escape. you just grinned. "it’s tradition."
for a moment, it looked like he might back out. then something shifted in his expression. that familiar look of determination. the same way he looked before attempting an impossible overtake. he squared his shoulders, handed you his drink, and nodded once.
"alright. if i’m doing this, i’m doing it properly."
what followed was the most technically flawless keg stand anyone had ever seen. a perfect lift-off, immaculate form, and balance so steady it looked choreographed. when he landed back on the ground, he wiped his mouth, adjusted his polo, and looked around.
"was that acceptable?"
the entire backyard erupted.
by the time the fireworks started, he was fully committed. the polo had been replaced with a ridiculous red, white, and blue hat. he accepted a plate of chili cheese fries without hesitation. he was even chanting “usa! usa!” along with a group of strangers like he had been waiting his whole life for this moment.
as the grand finale filled the sky, he leaned over to you, shaking his head with a laugh. "i have to admit, you lot know how to celebrate."
then someone behind him misfired a roman candle. the fireball shot sideways, missing him by inches. he spun around, hands on his hips, eyes wide.
"right," he said, voice slightly higher than usual. "and that is where i draw the line."
ʚ・carlos sainz
carlos had questions.
"wait, wait, wait," he said, holding up a hand as he surveyed the absolute chaos of the backyard. "so, today, we eat like… ten hamburgers, drink cervezas (beers), and then we throw fireworks at each other?"
"pretty much," you said, handing him a beer.
he exhaled through his nose and shook his head. "los americanos están locos, eh? (you americans are crazy, huh?)"
but he cracked open the beer anyway.
carlos adapted quickly. within ten minutes, he was fully involved in the grilling process, standing next to the guy manning the barbecue with his hands on his hips, nodding like he was strategizing a pit stop. when handed a hot dog, he examined it critically.
"where is the jamón? (ham) no chorizo? (spicy spanish sausage)" he asked, looking personally offended.
"just eat it, carlos."
he sighed dramatically but took a bite. then another. his expression didn't change, but he gave a small nod.
"okay, está bien (it's okay). but if i put aceitunas (olives) on this, it would be better."
then he saw the fireworks table. his eyes narrowed. "who is in charge of this? porque esto looks very unsafe (because this…)."
before you could respond, someone lit a firecracker that immediately fell over and shot straight across the lawn. carlos flinched, ducking like it was a rogue piece of debris from an f1 crash. his head snapped toward you.
"¡ay, madre mía! (oh my god!) this is allowed?"
you shrugged. "kind of."
his hands went to his hips again. he muttered something in spanish that you were pretty sure included words not suitable for broadcast. but by the time the real fireworks show started, carlos had finally given in.
reclining in a lawn chair, beer in hand, he watched the sky light up with red, white, and blue. he exhaled and shook his head with a small smile.
"okay," he admitted. "es un poco loco… pero me gusta. (it’s a little crazy… but i like it.)"
then, just as he said it, another rogue firework went off sideways. this one nearly took out a folding chair. carlos was on his feet in seconds.
"no, no, no! that is not normal! esto es peligroso! (this is dangerous!)"
you couldn't stop laughing as he pointed accusingly at the guy holding the lighter.
"¡hermano, tú no sabes lo que haces! (brother, you don’t know what you’re doing!) give me that thing!"
and just like that, carlos sainz was suddenly in charge of the fireworks, directing the entire show like an engineer over the radio.
ʚ・charles leclerc
charles was trying very hard to be polite.
it was his first fourth of july, and instead of some wild backyard rager, you had brought him to your family cookout, thinking it would be a nice, relaxed introduction to the holiday. that was your first mistake.
he had been handed a plate piled with enough food to feed a small country, your uncle had already declared him an honorary american, and your grandma had called him “such a handsome young man” at least three times. charles was handling it all with his usual charm, smiling and nodding as your family quizzed him about monaco like he was an ambassador rather than a formula 1 driver.
“you ever driven one of them nascars?” your cousin asked, chewing on a rib.
charles hesitated for half a second. “uh… no, not yet.”
“bet you’d be real good at it.”
he smiled. “i hope so.”
your cousin nodded seriously, like he had just made a groundbreaking discovery, then handed charles a sparkler. the wrong end.
charles, being charles, took it without question.
the second the lighter touched the tip, he yelped and dropped it straight onto the grass, shaking out his hand like he had just suffered a catastrophic brake failure.
“oh! merde!” he blinked at his fingers, then looked at you, eyes wide with a mix of betrayal and confusion. “it bit me.”
your cousin cackled. “man, you gotta hold the other end.”
charles gave him the most unimpressed look you had ever seen. “yes, i see that now.”
despite the initial trauma, he tried again, this time holding it the correct way. he watched the sparks flicker and pop, his expression turning thoughtful.
“this is actually nice,” he said, moving it gently through the air. he traced out a shape, pausing, then tried again. “i was trying to do my number, but i think i made a… fish?”
you leaned in. it was, indeed, a fish.
"close enough."
the fireworks started just as he got comfortable, your dad setting them off from the driveway like it was a carefully planned operation. charles leaned back in his chair, eyes fixed on the sky as red, white, and blue bursts lit up above.
for a moment, he was quiet, just watching. then he exhaled and smiled. “this is really beautiful.”
you were about to agree when another one went off way too close to the ground. charles flinched so hard he nearly spilled his drink, eyes darting toward the launch site.
“is it supposed to do that?”
your dad waved him off. “eh, it’s fine.”
charles did not look convinced. “i don’t think that is fine.”
another firework whistled sideways into a bush. charles shot up out of his chair.
“no, no, no—this is not normal!”
your cousin just laughed. “welcome to america, man.”
ʚ・lando norris
lando had never looked more out of his depth in his entire life.
and that included the time he got stuck on a beach in monaco.
you had brought him to your university’s fourth of july party, thinking it would be a fun, casual experience. that was your second mistake. your first mistake was underestimating how unhinged your friends were.
“okay, so let me get this straight,” lando said, standing in the middle of a backyard that looked like it had already survived three different safety car restarts. “you guys drink an obscene amount of alcohol, eat way too much food, and then you—what? just set things on fire?”
“yeah, pretty much.”
he blinked. “that’s mad.”
and yet, here he was, already double-fisting a beer and a plate of nachos, blending in like he had been here all semester.
the night started off fine. he played beer pong, overthought his technique, lost anyway, and then blamed the table for being “not regulation size.” he had his first ever corn dog, called it “weird but kinda amazing,” and then proceeded to eat three more. he even wore a ridiculous red, white, and blue cowboy hat that one of your friends had aggressively placed on his head.
everything was going smoothly. then someone handed him a roman candle.
“wait, what am i supposed to do with this?” he asked, inspecting the long tube like it was an unfamiliar steering wheel.
“just hold it and point it up,” you said, already realizing this was a mistake.
your friend lit it, and lando immediately panicked.
“oh my god, it’s on fire—IT’S ON FIRE.”
“yes, lando, that’s the point.”
“I DON’T LIKE IT.”
“JUST HOLD IT STILL.”
“I CAN’T.”
the first fireball shot out, straight up into the air. the second one did not.
instead, it veered at a slightly concerning angle, skimming past the roof of the house and nearly taking out a string of decorative lights. lando let out a full-on shriek, dropped the roman candle, and sprinted five steps away like the thing had personally offended him.
the candle, now abandoned, continued shooting rogue fireballs across the yard. your friends scattered. someone dove behind a cooler. one of your more chaotic friends cheered. lando, meanwhile, had his hands on his head, looking like he had just witnessed an absolute strategy disaster.
“oh my god,” he wheezed. “i almost died.”
“you did not almost die.”
“that was the most unsafe thing i’ve ever done, and i race at 200 miles per hour for a living!”
despite the near-death experience, lando stuck around. mostly because someone handed him another beer, and he was too emotionally drained to do anything but drink it. when the actual fireworks started, he stayed a healthy distance away, sipping his drink and shaking his head every time one exploded a little too close to the ground.
by the end of the night, he had recovered enough to join in on the chanting. he even put the cowboy hat back on.
“alright,” he admitted, exhaling. “that was actually kinda fun.”
then someone suggested doing sparklers. lando immediately held up both hands.
“no. absolutely not. i’ve learned my lesson. you lot are psychos.”
ʚ・oscar piastri
oscar piastri was trying his best.
you had invited him to your family’s fourth of july cookout, reassuring him it would be a relaxed evening with good food, nice company, and minimal chaos. that had been a lie.
now he was sitting on the porch, gripping a lemonade like it was a contract extension, watching your uncle aggressively flip burgers on the grill while your little cousins ran barefoot through the yard with sparklers. someone had already spilled an entire bowl of potato salad, your aunt was yelling at your dad about lighter fluid, and a bluetooth speaker was blasting country music at a volume that should have been illegal.
oscar took a slow sip of his drink. “so this is normal?”
you nodded. “completely normal.”
“right,” he said, nodding slightly. “that’s concerning.”
to his credit, he was doing his best to fit in. he helped carry the extra chairs outside, listened to your grandpa tell a very long-winded story about how “kids these days don’t know how to drive,” and politely answered every single person who asked if he knew daniel ricciardo.
he even attempted a game of cornhole. it did not go well.
“mate, you’ve got to actually aim,” your cousin said as oscar’s beanbag completely missed the board.
“i am aiming.”
“then why does it look like you’re throwing a penalty kick?”
oscar’s next toss went even further off course. he turned to you, deadpan. “i don’t like this game.”
the real trouble started when your little cousin, clearly taking advantage of his foreign guest status, decided to hand oscar a firework. not a sparkler. not a small fountain. a full-blown roman candle.
oscar held it with both hands, staring at it like it was an unexploded bomb. “am i being set up?”
“just light it and hold it up,” your cousin said.
oscar frowned. “that sounds fake, but okay.”
he did as he was told, but the second the first fireball shot out, he visibly tensed, gripping the firework like he was on the final lap in monaco. another fireball launched, and he let out a quiet but very real “oh no.”
“it’s fine,” you reassured him.
“it doesn’t feel fine,” he said, carefully adjusting his stance like he was bracing for impact. “how long does this last?”
“maybe ten more shots.”
oscar sighed. “great. love that for me.”
when the roman candle finally fizzled out, he let out the slowest exhale of his life and handed it back like he had just completed a dangerous mission.
“alright,” he said. “i have now contributed to the chaos. that should fulfill my american initiation, yes?”
the night ended with fireworks, which oscar watched from what he clearly deemed the safest possible location—standing just inside the house, one foot over the threshold in case he needed to make a quick exit.
when someone asked if he had fun, he paused for a moment, considering his answer.
“well,” he said, taking another sip of lemonade. “i still have all my fingers. so i’d call that a success.”
2021-2025 © jungwnies | All rights reserved. Do not repost, plagiarize, or translate
#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1#f1 instagram au#fanfiction#carlos sainz x reader#f1 fic#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#formula one#f1 smau#f1 fluff#carlos sainz fluff#crack texts#f1#max verstappen#lewis hamilton#carlos sainz#charles leclerc#lando norris#oscar piastri#george russell#charles leclerc x reader#oscar piastri x reader#max verstappen fluff#smau#𐐪♡︎₊˚ ― jungwnies#jungwnies
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Your ex’s hidden feelings about you ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ
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pac tarot reading paired with intuition, take what resonates and remember energy can always change readings aren’t set in stone. + their signs or dominant placements
3 cards pulled for each pile ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ gender neutral
Pile 1
the first thing i feel before even pulling cards is warmth, a warm feeling? maybe they felt that with you and it was something they miss deeply they can’t find that in someone else so they might be completely tweaking out about the kind of warmth you brought them. song i’m also channeling is just dance by lady gaga? “wish i shut my playboy mouth—control your poison, babe, roses have thrones they say”
after pulling cards the exs hidden feelings give a very “i need to be soul searching after you”they are alone and possibly becoming independent in a introspective state. dealing with insecurity and trying to understand their inner feelings it confuses them how hurt they are and they never expected to be—they are trying to distract themselves so they might be in a hustling state where they obsess with work/or obsess over material possessions. i’m getting heavy insecurity they’re not able to express how they feel nor do they want to their usually assertiveness is muted, they feel imbalanced like maybe you weren’t giving a even amount? could be hesitant due to past hurts. they’d invest in the connection again if they felt it was safe to right now they struggle with vulnerability. guarded, uncertain, wanting clarity? signs: leo virgo taurus/libra
donut pile what’s teaaaa omg
Pile 2
the first thing i feel is slight annoyance? like very annoyed—it’s this energy of being slightly bothered. the song that came on while thinking of pile 2 was off to the races by lana del rey “god , i’m so crazy baby i’m sorry that misbehaving” oh?? “i need you i breathe you ill never leave you” “i love you forever? not maybe you are my one true love”
After pulling cards their hidden feelings is definitely defeat? like they lost something big? could’ve been married or just a really committed and serious relationship it gives a loving bond, or was loving such a “i wanted to propose to them i wanted marriage” oh they are in deeeeeep dude. but they are trying to seem stoic like they aren’t totally sick but they don’t seem like they’ll openly express any of this. they still think of you as their ideal partner!! but the ending was so painful for them they feel emotionally done and still hold on to the memories of you two. forcing themselves to accept that it’s actually over. signs: aries cancer/pisces gemini/scorpio
Pile 3
this piles energy is so different from the rest? its almost unexplainable it’s like they don’t know what they feel but they definitely know what they lost “i feel stupid” popped into my head.
after pulling cards i’m getting that they are having a lot of thoughts about you they have a strong urge to reach out to say something replaying conversations thinking of what they SHOULD of said or done to make a difference. they might’ve been emotionally detached while with you but after you left they got out of this state with a quickness they stopped ignoring their feelings and now they feel regret—they are becoming aware of what this relationship meant to them lots of self reflection going on for them and they are understanding their role of what happened, they feel pulled towards closure they want to try again tbh. their feelings are active and shifting going from indifference to “oh shit i lost them” they see the relationship in a way they didn’t see before this urge to reach out could be impulsive they are rushing into it to say their piece it’s chaotic and not at all well thought out so it could lead to aggressive communication.
signs: gemini/libra/aquarius cancer scorpio
#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotblr#pick a card#pac reading#tarot pick a card#pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a photo#tarot pac#tarot pick a pile#free tarot#relationship tarot#love tarot reading#astrology
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Get to know your mutuals!
Thanks for the tag @fangirlshenanigans04! this looks like a fun one!
What's the origin of your blog title? It has ties to my Grandparents. My Nan is no longer around so it was a way to pay tribute to her a little.
OTP(s) + Shipname: Oof this is a hard one! I still love the orginal ship, Mulder and Scully! I'm currently obsessed with Hunter and Fennec Shand (Fennter) but the one that's causing brain rot and wakes me up at 3am to write is CodyWan. I adore them.
Favorite color: if it's clothes, Black. If it's to look at, teal.
Favorite game: I am not a gamer at all, but I LOVE Jedi Fallen Order and Survivor. I have spent hours watching game play and obsessing over the characters.
Song stuck in your head: Birds of a Feather - Billie Eilish
Weirdest habit/trait? Thinking about fictional clones and wishing they were real.
Hobbies: Writing, reading fanfic, Cosplay, Lego!
If you work, what's your profession? I work in HR. eh!
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? I would love to get paid to write.
Something you're good at: I think I'm good at writing and crafty stuff.
Something you're bad at: Math!
Something you love: My family (is this a cop out? if so, I love the English countryside. Being an expat, I miss it a lot)
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: The Bad Batch. Want to wax philosophical about it? Lemme know!
Something you hate: The current state of the world
Something you collect: Star Wars stuff. Mostly Bad Batch but other things too. A friend got me on to Hot Toys and my bank account will never be the same! 🤦♀️
Something you forget: That I have resting bitch face
What's your love language? acts of service and gift giving.
Favorite movie/show: SW (Original Trilogy)/ The Bad Batch (to say I'm obsessed is clearly an understatement)
Favorite food: Bread!
Favorite animal: Dogs. We had to put ours down a few years ago and I miss him a lot.
What were you like as a child? very quiet and introverted.
Favorite subject at school? English
Least favorite subject: Math
What's your best character trait? I think I'm kind, sometimes to a fault. I forget to take into account my own mental health sometimes.
What's your worst character trait? I'm very opinionated.
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Being independent wealthy would be nice.
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? I'd have loved a chance to meet Carrie Fisher. Not just because she was Princess Leia but just because she seemed like a really cool, fun person to be around. She didn't take herself to seriously and was incredibly thoughtful and kind to fans.
Tag as many mutuals as you want!!
NPT: @foreverchangingfandomsao3 @cloneflo99 @skylarstark4826 @techhasmjolnir @apocalyp-tech-a @dregsofpabu @artist-kreating-stuff @amalthiaph @freesia-writes @tlmtwelve @leenathegreengirl @noblelightfighter @archivewriter1ont @julijuli77 @blackseafoam @meagmcc12 @badbatchbeau @collophora @screamingintothestarss @covert1ntrovert @arctrooper69 @neurospicy25 @melymigo @heidnspeak @faithwalkcreationscloneart @oliviaeatworld @aknightreaderr @tink1221 @badbatchposts @thebadbatch2022 @on-a-quest @violet-tinted-world @eyecandyeoz @general-ida-raven @zahmaddog @skellymom @indigofyrebird @kybercrystals94
Get to know your mutuals!
What's the origin of your blog title? When I was in middle school, someone told me "you dress so goth, but your personality is so happy. You're like a really cheerful grim reaper. A joyful soul collector." And that's been my username for most everything ever since!
OTP(s) + Shipname: Oooh, right now it's Jayvik, and tbh I can't think of another one, this is one of the first ships I've been really really into tbh. Other dynamics focused on my blog have actually been more platonic, like Irondad
Favorite color: Red!
Favorite game: Dungeons and Dragons! Both as a player, and DM!
Song stuck in your head: The Challenge - EPIC
Weirdest habit/trait? I download thousands of still frames of tv shows that I love so I can make memes out of them. But I have to sift through and delete all the pictures that are blurry or unnecessary, which takes hours. I think it's super fun because I'm autistic and really enjoy sorting stuff lol
Hobbies: Writing, playing DnD, making memes, and hanging out with my friends!
If you work, what's your profession? Not so much a profession lol, I work at a toy store. It's a part time job while I'm in college, studying to be a radiologist!
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Realistically? Radiologist. But ANY job I wish? Professional DM or Professional DnD player, like the people on Dropout or Critical Role haha
Something you're good at: I'm good at writing stories! I can write them well and write things that make people feel deep emotions, and I like that.
Something you're bad at: Recognizing when someone doesn't want help haha. I tend to try and fix things or help people when they just want to vent, and it ends up frustrating for both of us.
Something you love: I love stories. Any kind, I love so so many
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: My favorite shows and stories, my dnd campaigns and characters, my stories and ideas
Something you hate: Fascism. Bigotry. Willful ignorance. Fearmongering. Propaganda.
Something you collect: Dice!! I'm a dice goblin for sure haha
Something you forget: I often forget chores unfortunately
What's your love language? Physical touch and acts of service
Favorite movie/show: Ooh right now it's definitely Arcane haha
Favorite food: Sushi!
Favorite animal: Cats!
What were you like as a child? In a word? Unwell haha. I'm a good bit better now, still struggling with a lot, but better than I used to do
Favorite subject at school? English, I was always good at that class
Least favorite subject: Chemistry. I hate that shit so much lol
What's your best character trait? I think that I'm kind and willing to stand up for others
What's your worst character trait? I can be disrespectful to some types of spirituality unfortunately. It just doesn't make logical sense to me. I have two friends that are fully convinced that a cursed doll gave some youtuber testicular cancer. And I just can't see the logic or critical thought in that
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Mmm. All of fascism shit is definitely damaging my calm so I'd love to change that specifically
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? Harry Allen. Google him he's a badass transgender cowboy
Tag as as many mutuals as you want!!
@sb-essebi @glitternightingale @blatterpussbunnyfromhell @captainhollowstories @kydrogendragon @misforvendetta @poetryinmotion-author @bocularteletheric @kai-ovillager @thatoneneuvichiliauthor @4amarcanethoughts @alexspearsxoxo @kotonni @buckybucananbarnes @kakesuwolf @martybaker @patheticjayce @sleepycrowhours @aixabi @up-the-bracket @snoopyviktor @emdashflower @humanshapedstress @hellsalore @juuzousmom @softandslow @fangirlshenanigans04 @batmans-attic @lvrstrsh @bluemoyai @tearexxwrites @bodyofvvater @lifeandeathepub @areesespiece @lancesblueazaleas @monaisme @milkywaysipper @carmendyy @tseecka @heazueken @tophat-69 @velocitychroma @prjctdiva @gremlinofchaos @ourvectorviktor @kenjinx @jxmimac @gh0stedvhampir @voxconcordia @arcaneheraldslawyer
ngl I tried to tag ALL my mutuals that I have, but this was how many it allowed me to do before it made me stop lol so here's as many as I could fit!
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a while ago i asked how ur supposed to decide what level of hrt dosage is right for u when ur nb and the consensus appeared to be Vibes. i had assumed that this was entirely a mental and or emotional thing. i was wrong
#transphobes are trying to hide this from u but some effects of hrt ARE reversible#and unfortunately i am finding that out LMAO!!!!#not limited to appearance. tho admittedly thats one of my biggest worries#incl losing muscle lmao. anyways i fucked around and found out basically#unfortunately. cant get the dose changed till the end of the month#i know i could just. change it independently#but there are a few things to watch out for that i don't want to accidentally tip over#like. tell me why my haemoglobin levels are almost the same level#as when my t was OVER the recommended male range#even though im now inbetween the highest female range and the lowest male range....#<- this idiot has too much blood#to be clear tho i didnt actually choose this t level#we thought i was like. at a maintenance dose#but unexpectedly my t level kept falling.....
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your honor, I love him ♡
⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆
WIND BREAKER: Special Comic (Bonus from BD & DVD Vol.1) English Translation
#melody talks (& talks & talks & talks)#i love when he does that sassy lil finger#makes me feel some typa way#he can put a baby in my oven that's all I'm gonna say#suo baby we could be great parents that's all I'm gonna say#like i would be such a doting and sweet wife and we could be dual income bc I'm stubborn and independent and i could treat you so well#honestly you dont even have to work!! just sit pretty while i work on my laptop honey that's all i ask#suo trophy husband!!! SUO TROPHY HUSBAND!!!!#suo baby all im asking for is one chance ONE CHANCE and i could change your life i just know it#the banter we would have? stfu and date me already#wind breaker (satoru nii)#oh to be 2d and fictional#hayato suo
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“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.
#yeah I said it#hsr#Honkai star rail#topaz hsr#topaz and numby#jade#jade hsr#hsr Jade#hsr topaz#like they’re not good but their not mustache twirling villains y’all#yes topaz did mess up by not telling bronya the actual success rate if she accepted the deal#but you have to remember she was indoctrinated since she was a kid that the ipc was good and that those who surrendered to its power will#succeed and thrive#hell they may have used examples like boothills home planet as warnings#of course she would think the ipc is good and will#help jarillo#her home planet was on the brink of collapse when the ipc came and it was quite literally life saving#even though it did mean robbing the future of a population to work for them topaz so grateful for the ipc and sees it as a way to pay back#you guys are forgetting that she was willing to sacrifice her position and that she was happy the planet could be independent#now we don’t know much about jade but she doesn’t go seeking out desperate people#those people come to her and accept those deals knowing full well every detail and it’s cost#she may get some pleasure from it sure but she’s just doing business with people#and yet I see people view them as villains and yet not call out aventurine with helping the ipc take control of penacony#he’s a victim yes but so is topaz when it comes to the ipc manipulating them#topaz has good Intentions and is just following what she has been taught since childhood#look I love aventurine I really do but he’s not pure and at the end of the day both him and topaz are people they are flawed#they’re not completely bad or good#sorry it was mainly about topaz we don’t know much about jade and I might change my mind on her when we do
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how does anyone think about property investing without feeling absolutely miserable about the state of our capitalist society
#diya's musings#i'm reading a property investor book my dad gave me bc he said i should 'take the advice that he wishes he was given'#and i want to actually commit war crimes the more i read#the author owns 7 properties!!! and this was in 2012!! who knows if that has changed#and it's all about the gains you can make and how you should just keep accruing more properties over time for as much money as possible#and how properties rising in value to astronomical prices is a good thing for investors fuck off fuck off fuck off#oh i can't forget the one small note at the start that was like 'people will saying having a lot of money and properties like this is evil#but what could be evil about having the ability to make the world a better place with it?' SIR???#TELL ME HOW YOU AND YOUR 7 PROPERTIES ARE MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE#and it's like i'm complicit in this bc my parents owned an investment property for a while before selling it off like last year to buy#our new house so like i have benefitted from it#and like it's so fucked that if i don't want to do this i won't be able to pay my student loans or fund the lifestyle i want independently#idk i just fucking hate capitalism#and it'll be even worse if dutton wins the upcoming election#i can kiss goodbye the opportunity to be financially independent with financial freedom
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Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.
I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.
Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?
How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"
And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.
So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.
So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.
And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.
-
And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.
Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.
And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.
So you sail away in a boat together.
And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.
But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.
But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.
You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.
And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-
-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.
You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.
-
And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.
It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.
And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.
#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this#ford pines#ford meta#this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic#godswriting#<- i need to change my writing tag to this#something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with-#-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved#obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to-#-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict#compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him#feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing#its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are#the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours#-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and#-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends'#like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person!#he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words#I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close#so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no#feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of-#-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them.#and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with#-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given#their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-#-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost-#-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that-#-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would-#-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me#and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3
the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*
#keyword: adding#in digimon conflicts come about as a result of independent viewpoint differences#ie takuya vs kouji. taichi vs yamato#or (since i just watched 02:the beginning) lui and ukkomon’s conflict is SO GOOD#it BUILDS to something. lui and ukkomon’s disagreement builds up to: they need to communicate. they both come from a good-faith angle#ukkomon so desperately wanted to make lui happy and failed to look closer to see what WOULD - and lui didn’t know how to express#what he actually wanted to ukkomon. or try to reach out to ukkomon in turn instead of basking in his life finally going ‘right’#but then not as much in idw gives me that good feeling of ‘ahhh they built to this and it is so nice’#or when conflict is created it isn’t because despite best efforts people clash and have to work together#it’s when someone does a stupid and someone else has to pick it up#it means a lot when you see kouji driven to press takuya to the wall and see them shout at each other#because they both have to realize that with words they will never convince the other of their viewpoint.#even though they both think the way the other looks at things will get the group killed#and of course it makes sense that the group would follow takuya. he’s their heart. their core#takuya’s the reason tomoki stayed in the digital world and junpei and izumi find confidence being there because he’s there rallying them#and in this case that good trait winds up being wrong. he gets everyone captured by the enemy and thinks theyre all better off if he wasn’t#part of the group from the start. but THAT isn’t true either - he just needs a BALANCE of his excellent helpful determination and willpower#and seeing things as they are and not as he believes them to be - more like kouji#he WAS wrong but not for HAVING the traits he had - for leaning too much on them#or (also going to a media im currently engaging in) sundered star. things go bad between people a LOT but it’s not frustrating.#it’s SATISFYING/ENGAGING seeing feferi leave eridan and watching eridan go insane and give in to the horrorterrors. of course it couldnt-#-go any other way for them. eridan wouldnt change until he realized he could lose feferi and feferi wouldnt bring him any real consequences#-to make him consider that until she was leaving and would never come back. and it was never her fault that leaving eridan lead to-#-catastrophe and devastation. it just happened as a consequence anyway#anyways i guess. if i see the characters do their best and things still fall apart it’s better than#seeing an idiot plot or characters written to be worse than they were to make conflict happen#with takuya he wasn’t suddenly bad or misjudging everything. he just didnt have to deal with negative consequences for misjudging before-#-because they hadnt met someone like duskmon that they COULDNT eventually beat before. even gigasmon who wrecked them all at first-#-was beaten once they had beast spirits and were on equal footing. so takuya assumes the same for duskmon without realizing that#they arent on the same level. so the issue didnt come from nowhere - it just comes to a head now
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every time someone says it’s unrealistic for someone in the todoroki family to be raised w/ quirkist/bigoted beliefs i make shoto put another coin in the “said a slur in a moment of gamer rage” jar
#all jokes dw but#never letting the MUTT moment go like he had that fully prepared in his head#LMAOOO#my post#bnha#also they can change and like. stop perpetuating those beliefs as they get older and become more independent LMAO#DONT discount rei too we know what her family is like. she had other hints going on but she could multitask I’m sure <3#*other things#this is me vagueing a tiktok comment section btw#well not a whole comment section just a couple of people#4th grader dabi being sexist is vital to his character /lh#like I don’t think he’s one as an adult nor do I think todoroki’s quirkist as a teen (see above)#I just…c’mon…lets think about it… they would grow up like that
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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I was watching clips from Little Women 2019 on YouTube (im so normal about that movie) and on the one with Jo Friedrich getting together at the end, people were commenting “oh I’m so glad Jo found the capacity to love another person romantically because she would be a static character if not. They were so sweet together 🥰” and I had to close the tab because HNG,,,,,,
Firstly, it was heavily heavily implied that the ending where Jo gets together with him was simply made up for the sake of the publisher due to prejudices and constraints of that time period (which was reflected in Alcott’s own experiences of trying to get little women published). This was supported by the colour grading of the scene and it’s place in the story: it’s warm-toned and Jo hadn’t been characterised in any way that would suggest she wanted to be in a romantic relationship for the whole story. Her loneliness is not a byproduct of wanting romantic love, but of living as a struggling artist in the oppressive patriarchal standards of her time; there’s also the fact that her family is moving on and growing up all around her as she’s the only one left behind in her family home, which is further emphasised by the fact that she’s the one constantly clinging to the simplicities of the past. She considers accepting Laurie’s proposal not because she loves him in a romantic way or wants romance, but because life is a fucking struggle. And that’s why Friedrich showing up at her doorstep, from the perspective of a viewer, especially because he hadn’t shown up at all since the film’s opening, is jarring as hell. But it’s deliberately paced to be and ignoring this in order to make such a statement as “oh finally the perfect man for Jo” INFURIATES me. Especially when the scene under the rain? The confession scene? Was the cheesiest culmination of every romantic trope ever. This - accentuated by the jarring shift in themes and character - was a brilliant meta-commentary on actual criticism of the book where it felt like Jo married Friedrich out of nowhere.
Which brings me to the next thing - romantic love being seen as the be-all, end all for… everything. (coldest take of all time but unfortunately, not cold enough apparently) It’s not!!!!!!! Absolutely nothing against it (I love my ships as much as the next person) but when a filmmaker pays such attention in her commentary to love and societal perceptions around it, when she explores sisterly love and motherly love and platonic love etc. all so thoroughly. And you still leave thinking Jo was happiest and fulfilled when she gets together with Friedrich. I… I don’t know what to say. I’ve seen people say that the ending is ambiguous (and it is rather) but I’ve only ever seen it this way and I just don’t agree with the interpretation that Jo just gets married happily in the film because if so, holy crap was it paced/set up badly. All evidence just points to the contrary in terms of character, and themes, and just how the film is structured. And it’s genius! It’s one of the reasons why the film is one of my all time favourites. It’s such effective satire on how society (back then and evidently now) views romantic relationships. So it just makes me so annoyed when people ignore the nuance
Ok *breathes* I’ll stop
#little women (2019)#the idea that you can’t be in a relationship as a ‘strong independent woman’ is also an issue though#and I get the personal pressure to not ‘succumb’ to love because it could feel like a betrayal of your beliefs#especially for the time period the story was set in#but in terms of Jo as a character i think it’s clear or at least heavily implied that she doesn’t care for romantic love at all#I… should probably mention that I’m on the aroace spectrum#BUT I saw the movie before knowing what being aroace even was and I did not watch the movie through that lens#(which doesn’t change the fact that that’s just how I perceived things but oh well)#I’ll stop adding disclaimers#sorry for the rant lol#I’m so normal about this film I promise#jp musings#film analysis
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why doesn't chara & asriel live with toriel at all?
everyone's gone on without you
#ok now to actually explain it and not just post no context imgs#it was a while from the time monsterkind was freed to when asriel and chara came back/came to the surface#and in that time life had continued going on without them. as it had the same way when they died#im thinking it was anywhere around a year before frisk in their infrequent trips to the underground#was able to convince flowey to take a piece of their soul so he could hold his goat form together somewhat#and bring him back to the surface#but for chara it took longer. two years maybe? from monster independence day to come back#because frisk had to first find out where chara's real original soul was being kept and then find it and stuff#i can talk about this another time its such a huge can of worms my god#BUT BASICALLY it was a few years and by the time both kids were integrating back into society#the lives of those they loved had changed so drastically#chara didnt know their parents split up. they didnt know asgore killed human children or that their mother went into isolation#not until the game events anyways#and when they cam to the surface and saw all of that stuff -in person- as well as how well/poorly one parent was doing over another#theyyyy didnt take it well. like their mother had a new partner (doesnt matter who take your pick) and was raising frisk#and their dad was super mega turbo divorced and depressed and had nothing but his garden#in their mind toriel didnt need them anymore. she had a new partner and a new human kid and chara had served their purpose#so they elected to stay with asgore so he would have Someone anyone in his life and asriel followed#iiittts a huge mess basically. huge emotional landmine mess of insane proportions#undertale#my art#ask
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ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me
#being dramatic but idk im also trying to think abt why i am this way#in part to the fact that i inherently view myself as a burden and always have since a child since i could like. comprehend the things my mom#was going through for my life & moving the america etc etc#but like yeah i was basically as independent as couldve been in the PH bc i had multiple ppl who could take me places and take care of me#but in the US it was just my parents and our family and our X amnt of cars#idk i just keep thinking about how much i miss doing anything in my life and how i used to be a dancer a martial artist a potter like#there was so much to me and now because i refuse to learn to drive and get a car i just. am locked out of everything#bc my aspirations cant work out on 1 vehicle in sparse & spread ohio#like idk maybe its the fact that i always was just like im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to go out in the summer#im not allowed to visit friends or extra places or events#never really been independent until i basically ran away and even now im just#only partially independent bc sure i have money and i have my own space but. im dependent on a driver and other ppls schedules and it just#idk i cant not see myself as a burden all i can think of is that im not a good enough woman let alone wife and thats something no one wants#like i barely know how to cook i barely eat i dont clean i barely wash i barely provide like. yeah idk also ever since i had a breakdown#i feel fundamentally just. changed especially about food. and idk i have been asking for others to cook for me more but i still am waiting 4#the next time someone says you can make it yourself and i starve for the next 24 hours#idk dude i literally cannot see myself as not a work of labor. its all mama ever ranted at me about. very verbally very constantly up until#i stopped being difficult with her being the head of the family of like 12#whatever. whatever#im done blaming someone else im gonna eat my words with regret and shame :/
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