#i know cus they told me
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look at these two being happy <3
#fade jail can’t be that bad#i know cus they told me#i never knew how much i wanted to see solas in one of those period drama shirts until i drew him in one#solavellan#dragon age#my art#datv spoilers
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I'm just a 30yo who enjoy a very sexy adult show about demons in hell but ALSO have been a horse girl at heart since I was a child so.. Naturally I play horse games on occasion.... and I dedicate some horses to characters I like. So have some Stolitz in horse format. I feel like Blitz would be proud
#star stable online#sso#helluva boss#stolitz#blitz#stolas#I'm fine with being cringe and playing horse games for fun even tho I'm an adult#well.. honestly.. there are a lot of adults who play this game over all#but like.. being obsessed with horses is something I relate to strongly#especially because i had a friend who couldn't accept that I loved horses cus I didn't seem like the type#like dang.. I'm a pretty masculine dark type otherwise#I collect bones and draw horror art#some friends have told me that they'd be afraid of me if they didn't know me#but I fucking love horses man
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My husband thought I should post this
#my art stuff#doodle#comic#neverafter#dimension 20#gerard#pinocchio#cricket#meme#ig??#i haven’t caught up on the new eps the past month or so so please don’t spoil anything if you can#my husband told me to be careful with looking in my notes cus he knows I like to stare at them and read all the tags#spoilers#tagging that for others just in case
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something i think about constantly is this one guy at the nursing home i used to work at whose hands and fingers had crumpled in on themselves, not as a fist but sorta like an accordian or a zigzag, where one set of joints was pulled into the palm but the tips of the fingers were pulled outwards
and the last time i was at my nana's, i noticed the tips of a couple of her fingers had something similar going on, where it looked like the tip of the middle was permantly pulled to the side, making it crooked at the end
and my mother of course with all the health problems as me has the same crooked fingers, all pulled in similar directions
all of them say that arthritis caused it
if i look at my own hands, the tip of my middle finger peels backwards, which i was told was a symptom of Ehlers-Danlos, hypermobility, where the fingers would overextend themselves. the knuckle of my ring ringer doesn't jut out as much either, and my pinkie fingers are typically stiff and lately, as i continue my treatment, it almost feels like they're getting pulled off to the side as well. ive even developed a small callous on the palm right below the pinkie, where the bone seems to press against (and theres no other reason i would have a callous there)
i also think about how arthritis is supposed to start in the extremities, the hands and feet, and again in my feet it's the pinkie toe that's crunched up and pulled to the side, and the pinkie toe which i first noticed was getting less crunched as i continue treatment
and it all just perfectly aligns with the muscle tension patterns characteristic of neander foot/morton's foot. the primary compensation pattern is turning the feet outwards (to make the big toe reach the ground properly), which overuses the fibularis muscles. the fibularis brevis muscle in particular connects to the beginning of the pinkie toe, like so

...so if that muscle is overtight, which toe is going to get pulled out of place first? the pinkie toe.
and all that would perfectly explain why overusing muscles can lead to arthritis, because that's what arthrtis is: muscles that get so, so, so overtight that the joints themselves can become damaged just from how hard the muscle is pulling on them, damage which accumulates overtime and gets progressively worse because, well, you can't just not use your muscles
and it's??? treatable??? even has a distinct cause???? im curing my own arthritis??????? hello???
#but the infuriating thing is that im not officially diagnosed with arthritis because i don't have the damage#in fact NOTHING shows up on tests or machines. which claim that for all intents and purposes im perfectly healthy#but like arthritis can't just come out of nowhere. i have all the same symptoms as my mum did when they were young#but i was told that i shouldnt expect to have the same problems that they do??? even though everything lines up???#everyday i am blessed to have a doctor who takes me at face value regardless of what comes up on tests#cus holy shit. if i had been forced to wait until legitimate damage started occurring to my joints i might have just shot myself#but the fact that it can be treated...i still cant fully digest that#i feel better with each passing week. regained the ability to do things that i had feared were lost.#i dont know how much ill be able to get back but like tbe sheer amount that ive already been able to get back#fatals physio corner#how do you even begin to tell people that you figured out how to treat arthritis#much less without a phd
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OK SO i started watching arcane and i kinda shipped vi n caitlyn BUT NOW im in love w vi and i want caitlyn to die sorry
#i get jealous whenever they interact and they interact A LOT#might die#shes MINE you stay away from her its not her timeeeee#girl crush#feraldogbite yaps#also yes i know im late for this but idc#and tbh im watching it just cus my irls told me to#arcane#vi arcane#vi and caitlyn
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woke up to news of a family member passing today...going to a party on the day of the funeral lolll
#ITS OKAY CUS IT WASNT ALL THAT DEEP OF A CONNECTION#juST THE WORST TIMING EVER#My mom is going to the funeral and she told me to just go to the party because like i dont even know my family#SHOULD I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS??????
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twitter is so fucking funny like only there can you get blocked for headcanoning a character as autistic fr
#this is about alec hardy#specifically i got blocked by this one david tennant fan acc#cus she thought i was talking about david tennant or something?? even tho i very clearly said the character???#also she was treating autistic like an insult 😭#and when i told her i meant the character she was like “no you were talking about david” girlypop i think i know who i was talking about#but whats really wild is this other person thats had me blocked since the dawn of time defended me#bro was like “no they were definitely talking about the character+ georgia tennant is rlly accepting so i dont think shed mind”#for content the dt fan acc said “you should delete this in case his wife sees this”#anyway i blocked her other like five accounts 🥰#alec hardy#david tennant#broadchurch#autistic alec hardy
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if you're ever trying to not get sucked into a fandom, never ever ever ever let yourself be exposed to fanart of the two characters holding hands. that will be the moment that seals your fate
#just me rambling#tbh I think something like this actually happened to me with tma too#and I just like. legitimately completely forgot about it#'cus I know I was very interested in listening to it and I think there was a catalyst for that#but I could not for the life of me even guess as to why#especially 'cus there were so many months after determining that I had no idea how to listen to podcast where I just had the tag filtered#and didn't think about it at all until arson told me there was a youtube playlist for it#it's also how I got into dsmp#I saw beeduo platonic marriage fan content and went :OOOO#which is funny in hindsight now that I have the context to realize that they were like. only kind of platonic#not quite the canonically platonic marriage and co-parenting representation I was hooked by :P
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Me: oh no I'm epileptic I can't do xyz sorry
Also me, staring at the strobe level flashy Christmas lights on my tree: sHaPeS aNd CoLoRs
#epilepsy#actually epileptic#why do i do this to myself#i say#drinking my 3rd coffee of the day when im not supposed to drink this with my medication#im too gay for my own good#epileptic community did you know keppra causes depression cus no one told me that#and now im scared to change it#because ive been taking it for 7 years#shapes and colors#actually disabled#absent seizures#tonic clonic seizures
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i stg medical professionals take an oath to ensure every patient they come in contact with endures maximum mental anguish over nothing.
#yeah sorry [ur doctors] office closed today and we cant do anything for you. you need to [message#how i already told her i did on patient portal] and hope they answer before monday#bunny rambles#crisis AVERTED#but also jfc#didnt know i needed the note#called the office after messaging(figured the double whammy wouldnt hurt) and the girl otp (who im p sure is the same one who ended up#WRTING MY NOTE AFTER ALL THIS) was like which is objectively the Scariest most Anxiety Inducing#way to say that (did not mention that the office's emails were being covered or anything). i emailed my HR rep to let her know about the#delay (cuz i wanted to keep her in the loop) and then busted into tears bc i was STRESSED bc the way the HR rep said it i could get in seri#trouble also bc im Only approved out until monday (so i Have to go back) and so im sobbing to my wife (also i have therapy in 10 min so im#anxious thinking i wont hear back AT ALL today and thinking of doing that at the same time made me upset cus i have thigngs out of crisis t#talk ab tthat weve been on) and then after an hour i got a note. becuase someone ws covering the email. which i asked about. and was told#no one could help until monday unless i get lucky.#literally so violently nauseous now ough#and like. Yes this is admittedly a bigger reaction than most ppl probably wouldve had but I HAD NO IDEA I EVEN NEEDED A NOTE BC THE PORTAL#FOR MY LEAVE HAD SELF REPORTED RTW AND NO ONE HAD CONTACTED ME UNTIL TODAY ABOUT IT#(well ok. technically i think Carol tried calling me yesterday and I missed it but i checked my voicemail this AM and also i have my#communication prefs on everything set to email bc i am more likely to see an email than answer the phone. and no one ever uses email bc they#think phone is Faster when it. really could've just been an email. anwyay. therapy time)
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saw an artist make fanart of a female character and said they loved drawing her more masc . The only thing they changed was giving her a bigger nose.
#ewbie.txt#screams into my hands#when will white artists stop associating bigger noses with masculinity I’m gonna lose ittttt#my nose literally caused so much dysphoria for me cus (white) ppl constantly told me it looked like a man’s nose#🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#and before people start I know white folks can have big noses too that’s not the point here
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The only thing more irritating than hold music, is it being interrupted every thirty seconds to thank you for being on hold
#ace is a grumpy bean#ive been putting off calling hmrc because its so blody irritating and now im being proven right#but its unfortunately necessary and if they remind me one more time about their online services (which ive already looked into!)#that have proven completely useless im gonna scream and knowing my look that exactly when an adviser would connect#already had to repeat my ni number 6 times cus their damn automation couldnt understand me#hmrc we are beefing. give me my money back#*update: waste of time. over half an hour of hold music to be told sorry we cant do that 🤷♀️#what do you mean you cant do that!? are you not the government!? did you not take my money!?¡#every day i realise guy fawkes was right
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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i love whenever my mom yells at me it's never cus she's actually angry at me this time she came into the kitchen yelling "YOU NEED TO REMIND ME TO BRING A PEN TO BINGO TODAY 🤬" yes ma'am whatever you say
#then she ranted about like#why dont they have pens there anymore!! who brings a pen to town !! what if i get stopped by the police and they go thats a murder weapon 🤬#i doubt theyll do that but#get it all out im here for you#i always forget to remind her to do stuff tho#but she remembers it herself if she tells me to remind her cus then she remembers she told me to remind her and she knows i forget
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everyone whittled me down and i watched arcane. it was alright
#cherryz txt#i like the art direction more than anything but thats just cus im a freak about that shit u know#if its candy to my eyedbarls i forgive many a sin#idk if it had many problems at all tho it was pretty tight story telling#im not too good at picking apart themes and stuff in media my brain small but i enjoyed the like#throughpoint narratively of letting go or refusing thereof if that makes any damn sense#congrats on the lesbian sex also. & i guess the doomed yaoi#which is so funny to me bcus jayce immediately pegged me as a straightboy . is that just me#like . maybe hes bi but hed defs be in the phase of like .refusing to acknowledge it u know#too busy distracting himself wiht beautiful women to even begin processing his situationship w viktor#idk i think its funny how i was told THERES YAOI!! and yuri! and the focus of the show is the yuri not the yaoi#like ..... its so funny ppl refuse to focus on the women even tho theyre actually so well devolped and more interesting than the men#which is not to say the men are badly written far from it theyre just arguably not the Primary Focus#tho admittedly the primary focus isnt even character based its the overarching story#the characters and their developments basically persist to strengthen the story i feel#which is again not a bad thing in fact its quite lovely. again very tight story telling.#im going on a tangent LOL it was alright in my book! very technically impressive and well thought out#props to all the artists and writers and people working on it#i think it just hasnt gripped me as strongly as it has others and thats entirely a personal thing u know#some things just click and others dont. so it goes!#i am however in jinx's corner now and forever . fuck league of legends tho never touching that shit with a ten foot pole#if u read all these hiiiiiiii ^_^ hi haiii hehee
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long ass rant in tags. abt to explode
#need to get this off my chest#ok so i straight up lied to my mum. shes been trying to get me a job out of stocking shelves#and i just. cannot find the motivation to do anything. i dont know what i want to do other than rot away#and im also so fucking scared of everything#so she made me apply for an office job that was mostly data entry and writing/editing#which is fine. easy. but i cant think of anything worse than having to sit on my ass doing boring shit for 8 hours#so when they called me. i didnt pick up#i didnt reply to their message. and my mum has been asking about it for the past 2 weeks cus she was convinced that HAD to call me#that i was a perfect candidate. and i was. but i didnt tell her they called me#i just lied and said they didnt. but she emailed them and they..well they told her the truth#and now shes really pissed at me. but hear me out. she forced me to apply. i didnt fucking want to#and ive already said no to so many jobs that i feel terribly guilty abt it so i just went along with it#lying is so easy yknow?#but i guess lying isnt great when they find out#i feel like shit. shes not even acknowledging me and i hate when shes pissed off at me and i know she should be#but cmon. i didnt want the damn job. why cant i just die honestly#ed stfu challenge#vent
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