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redrabbitspod · 5 years ago

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READ OUR INTERVIEW WITH ROLLING STONE HERE:

(full, designed article. But if you don’t want to follow a magazine layout, read the transcript. Art by @bloodydamnit)

TRANSCRIPT BELOW THE CUT

Red Rabbits: The Rolling Stone Interview

Featuring Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten, and the Red Rabbits Team

By Angie Rodner

On a chilly Monday, Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard are standing side by side, looking at something on Andrew’s phone in our New York, Rolling Stone headquarters. The rest of the Red Rabbits team, consisting of Dan Wilds, Seth Gordon, Renee Walker, Robin Cross, Allison Reynolds, and pro Exy legend/honorable mention Matt Boyd, orbit around them. It's an interesting scene to take in, to say the least. No matter what they seem to be talking about, they all defer to the two hosts without any of them seeming to acknowledge it.

I was lucky enough to sit down with all eight of them, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m a fan of the podcast and I’ve followed since Season 1. The story of Andrew and Neil (formerly known as Nathaniel Wesnisnki, the son of the Nathan Wesninski or the Butcher of Baltimore), and the revelation of their connection they’d shared as kids, was better than any true crime podcast I’d ever listened to.

Now, the team takes on what they’ve dubbed ‘The Case of the Newark 9’ for their second season. It’s a case based around the hunt for a man known only as ‘Steven’, who they believe is responsible for a series of kidnappings and murders of young girls in and around the Newark area. They’re joined by Robin Cross, a victim and survivor of Steven’s, who is helping them investigate the case.

I sat down with Robin and the other women of Red Rabbits first.

What’s it been like to work on this podcast together? Was it strange to go from looking for Neil, to having him in the studio, to watching him and Andrew form the relationship they have?

Dan: It was strange, because in all honesty, it wasn’t strange. Does that make sense? None of us knew about the meeting they had as kids, but when Andrew finally told us, everything made a lot more sense. Really, they belong together. It was much weirder when they first got back and hadn’t acknowledged what was between them yet. We were all just kinda like... are y’all not seeing what we’re seeing?

Renee: They got there eventually.

How have things changed from Season 1 to Season 2? The cases are obviously different, but they still involve missing children. What’s the atmosphere like around the studio?

Dan: Tense.

Allison: I’m not even there that often and I can still feel it.

Robin: It is tense, but there’s also a sense of urgency. We know ‘Steven’ has another girl now, so it’s like every day that goes by is another day he has her... Another day we either find him, or we don’t.

Mm... I can’t imagine how difficult that is. However, with that being said, the NYPD have made it pretty clear that they aren’t buying what you guys are selling. How does that make you feel?

Robin: I don’t feel anything about the NYPD. My anger is better placed elsewhere. I am angry. But the police didn’t listen to me when I was a kid and trying to tell them important information. Why would they listen to me now?

Renee: I think we all try and take our cues from Robin. Andrew and Neil are very careful to include her and get her opinion on certain things before moving forward. We’re not letting this thing with the NYPD deter us.

Speaking of Robin then, what’s it like for you to have her on the team? As one of Steven’s victims that is, there with you in the studio?

Robin: Oh no. Say nice things about me.

Dan: Girl. [ laughs ] Honestly, she’s amazing. She’s my little sister and I’m not just saying that. I think we all kind of feel that way. I’ve never known a person as strong and determined as she is and I know - see she’s blushing! [ laughs again ]- I know she hates it when we talk about her like this, but it’s so true. She’s family now.

Renee: She is, and I think she brings a really unique perspective to the case. We have someone here who’s directly involved, who lived through it and can give us some idea of what the other girls went through. I think most people would really love to have that kind of resource during an investigation.

Allison: For sure. She’s even my muse for my fall line. Everything is going to be deep colors and fun modesty.

Seems like you’ve been properly inducted into the team, Robin.

Robin: [ smiling ] It feels amazing...

Now, last question. Are you confident you’ll find what you’re looking for?

All as one: Yes.

Speaking with the ladies was fun. They were easy and connected and you can tell that there was a real sisterhood in the studio that day. It was refreshing to see women supporting and helping each other thrive in such a competitive industry. There was a lot of laughter between them, and it was such a joy to be able to share it with them.

My next interviewees were Seth Gordon, ‘resident TFN sound engineer/IT guy/anything to do with technology’, as he tells it, and New York Lynxes starting backliner, Matt Boyd. When I tell you I laughed throughout this entire interview, I’m being completely sincere. There was something about the way the two bounced off each other that had me smiling and understanding why they are both so well-liked.

You guys are best friends aren’t you? I feel a bromance in this Chilli’s tonight.

Seth: Bet. Matt Boyd is my homie and BFFL. Do people still say that? Anyway, we have matching necklaces and everything.

Do you really?

Matt: No, not really, but I’d totally wear one if he gave it to me.

[ laughing ] Matt, how did you even end up here? I know you were friends with Neil, but I feel like the details on that are kind of murky.

Matt: I hit him with my truck. [ My jaw dropped ] No, really! I hit him with my truck in Midtown Manhattan when I was driving home. He refused to go to the hospital so I brought him back to my place to make sure he was okay. He didn’t leave after that.

Seth: Because you held him hostage? That’s the way I hear it.

Matt: Oh yeah, for sure. He takes up so little space, why not? [ laughs again ] No really, I did convince him to stay, but I just felt like he needed a friend. He was obviously running from something and he was scared. I just didn’t know from what or why at the time.

And when you found out?

Matt: Honestly? I just about shit myself, but it made so much sense. All the little questions I asked myself early on, finally had answers.

I saw the interview you and Dan did with Essence. You guys look amazing together.

Seth: They are amazing together. It’s gross.

Matt: Yeah, and you and Dion aren’t constantly fawning all over each other.

Is that Dion hovering nearby?

Seth: Yep, that’s my man. He’s amazing and fuckin’ fine as hell. Can I say fuck in this interview?

Sure.

Seth: He’s fuckin’ fine.

Seth, what’s it been like for you, putting together the shows? There’s been a lot of audio that’s hard for us as listeners to hear, and I’m sure there’s more we haven’t even heard.

Seth: There is.

What’s that like for you to have to go through it all?

Seth: Really hard sometimes. There was some stuff in Season 1 we didn’t air that seriously gave me nightmares. It’s worth it, though. We found Neil and I think we’ll find Steven.

Are both of you confident in that fact?

Seth: Positive.

Matt: I think if anyone can find him, it’s Andrew and Neil. They’re determined and they’ll keep looking no matter what.

I believe them.

Andrew and Neil were my last interview of the day, and a more determined pair I think I’ve ever met.

Here’s the thing readers: They’re connected. It might make me a poor journalist, but I don’t know how else to explain it. At one point during the interview, Neil reached over to squeeze Andrew’s arm. At another point, Andrew reached over to squeeze the back of Neil’s neck. They were obviously a comfort to and for each other, and it almost seemed like they borrowed strength. It was intense and being able to witness it has been one of my favorite moments in my career.

So, let’s talk about this season before we get into everything else. You’re looking for a man you believe to be responsible for the disappearances of multiple girls in the Newark area. Do you feel like you’re any closer to solving the mystery than you were at the beginning?

Neil: Absolutely. We’ve gotten some really great tips and we think we’ve narrowed some things down. We don’t want to get too deep into what we’ve got at the moment, because we’re still investigating. But we’re confident in what we have.

What’s it been like working with Robin? I was able to interview her earlier, and she’s really something.

Andrew: She’s been the best resource we have. She’s incredibly strong and unbelievably quick. She’s taken this terrible thing that happened to her and turned it into fire, and it’s been amazing to watch. Most of the information we have comes from her.

The interview you guys did with her was absolutely chilling. I cried three times listening to it. How do you handle hearing these things? I feel like it’d be really hard not to take it home with you.

Neil: Yeah. It’s hard sometimes.

Andrew, I want to touch on the interview Riko Moriyama just did with Kathy Ferdinand and your response. What was that like for you, hearing Riko wrongfully expose something like that on live television?

Andrew: It was… I was stunned, I guess. That information was supposed to be sealed. My name was redacted. So I have no idea how he even got details of the case.

You’ve talked before about being in the foster care system. It sounds like you had a pretty rocky childhood.

Andrew: Yes.

Neil, I know yours was no picnic either. Do you think that this kind of... shared trauma, I guess, is part of why you two work so well together?

Neil: Yeah, partly. When we met as kids, I think a bond was cemented. We both knew how horrible adults could be to children. But now that we’re older, I think more than a shared trauma, it’s a mutual respect for that trauma. We both have shit, you know? I told Matt this one time and I didn’t really understand how true it was until recently, but we both have baggage that we share. We take each other’s on to lighten the load for the other. But, there are times when it gets really fucking heavy, and I think recently we’ve figured out that it’s better to lean on each other when that happens, instead of trying to carry it all ourselves.

Why do you think Riko felt the need to call you two out like he did? I know he mentioned Neil possibly being manipulated into the relationship.

Neil: [laughs]

Andrew: I wish I could manipulate him into having better taste in music.

Neil: My taste in music is fine.

Andrew: It is absolutely not. And I don’t know why Riko feels the need to comment. I’d be interested to hear the reason. The things he said regarding Neil were ridiculous, and in his response, Neil has made sure to make that known. But the thing that really bothered me was his comments on mental health. He tried to basically call me unstable for seeking therapy and admitting that there came a point when I needed outside help. There are literally hundreds of thousands of people in this country who seek out therapy every year. There’s no shame in it and I’m unsure as to why Riko believes there is. Honestly, I’m shocked the Moriyamas haven’t released a statement. He’s their mouthpiece, after all.

Do you think they should apologize?

Neil: Yes.

Andrew: I think they should at least clarify. I’ve already heard people are planning to protest their new documentary and I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to give my money to people who think I’m less of a person because I struggle sometimes.

Speaking of struggle, let’s move back to the case. I know the NYPD has been giving you grief over your claims that the person you’re looking for is the same person that’s taken Haylie Clark. Robin, especially, seems completely certain. How does it feel to know law enforcement doesn’t have your back on this?

Andrew: Familiar. They’ve never had my back before, so why would they start now?

Neil: I’ve dealt with too many crooked cops to really take it seriously. I have no idea what their motivations are and to be clear, I’m not saying I think they’re crooked - I’m just saying that in my experience, the help doesn’t always come like it’s supposed to.

The rest of the team seems pretty confident in you two. They all said they absolutely believe you’ll be able to find him. Is it hard sometimes, not to lose faith?

Andrew: It’s hard all the time. But it doesn’t matter. We have to keep moving forward. We aren’t going to stop until he and Haylie are found.

I think that’s really commendable and I look forward to seeing that happen. Now, tell me a bit about the team. Neil, since you came in at the end of Season 1, how did you find the dynamic as an outsider?

Neil: I didn’t really understand it in the beginning. Not really. It helped having Matt at my back for months prior, but I’ve never had the opportunity to make solid connections with people. So when I came into the studio, to this group of people who had known each other since college, it was overwhelming.

Andrew: That’s funny, seeing as how they like you better than me.

Neil: It’s all the charm and charisma.

[ laughing ] And now? You all seem really tight knit.

Neil: Now, yeah. We are. These people are my family.

Andrew?

Andrew: Yes?

Neil: She wants you to say something nice about the team.

Andrew: Every single one of them knows my coffee order, and it’s truly amazing that they can do what the interns cannot. [ he looks over at Neil, who’s tilting his head and raising his brows ] Oh, don’t look at me like that. Fine. We have a really strong team. I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing without them. Seth works harder than anyone I know, Dan keeps us all in line with just a look, Renee is the only reason I agreed to do this in the first place, Reynolds has a lot of money and she’s not afraid to use it for a cause she believes in, and Robin is the most inspiring person I’ve ever met.

And Matt?

Andrew: Who?

Neil: The guy that kept me alive for months while you were hunting me.

Andrew: [ rolls his eyes and shrugs ] He’s fine.

My take away from the interviews was this: these people will do whatever they need, in order to find their perpetrator. They believe in their cause, they hurt for these girls, and they’ll find justice for them in the end. They’re family, that much is clear, and I can’t wait to see how this ends. I can’t wait to say that I was there when it’s over.

Red Rabbits can be heard on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, and GooglePlay. You can follow the website at redrabbitspod.tumblr.com and twitter @redrabbitspod.

And as the Red Rabbits team always says, “Keep Searching”. I know I will.

#red rabbits pod #aftg #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #seth gordon #dan wilds #matt boyd #renee walker #allison reynolds #robin cross #article #media #rolling stone #interview

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aclosetfan · 4 years ago

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“Jeez,” you’re obviously thinking, “what could she possibly say about Blossom that hasn’t already been written about by a fic writer who specializes in either romance, angst, or a cheap combo deal of both genres??? Gonna analyze how she’s not actually perfect? Inherently flawed? Gonna reduce her to a bitch? Gonna tell us how she’s the perfect boss girl? Maybe say she’s awkward? OCD? Stoic? Motherly? All knowing?? That no one but the male character you’ve paired her with can outwit her? That’s all been done. What possible take could you make that is a new refreshing look at Blossom that I haven’t already seen?”

And I’d be like damn, chill, dude. Take a breath. It’s not that deep. I’m not gonna say any of that. Nah, ima do you ya one worse and list all the reasons why Blossom Utonium would be The Most Annoying Sibling anyone could ask for.

Like yes. She’s bossy. And yes. She’s a know-it-all, but everyone already KNOWS that. It’s the OTHER stuff she does that drives her sisters mad.

“Well, I’m the oldest!” “You are not the oldest! We were created simultaneously! You are literally NOT the oldest!” “Well, if we go by the order we were named in, I’m-“ “THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU THE OLDEST!” “Tch. That is such a youngest sibling thing to say, Buttercup.” [temper tantrum that coincidentally proves Blossom’s point]

Blossom’s motto is she’s right 100% of the time, even when she’s wrong. It’s some mightier-then-thou bullshit that has lead her to be on the receiving end of a few wedgies when she was little

She’s the fun-police. No fun allowed! Until, of course, she wants to annoy you, and then everything’s fair game.

she’s a dorky nerd 👏 not in the “she can’t cook, lol” or the “haha Blossom likes to read” but in the “oh so when you said you knew about the Second Bulgarian Empire’s first war with the Latin Empire in the year 1204, you really meant you know about the Second Bulgarian Empire’s first war with the Latin Empire in the year 1204” kind of way and guess who has the privilege of hearing about it at 2am????

Bad jokes. Bad jokes. Bad jokes. She’s got the cheesiest one liners! And the worst part is she always says them right before they start fighting the bad guys

No! Wait! Actually the worst part is the fact that Blossom doesn’t seem to realize the oneliners are so incrediably cheesy they even make the bad guys cringe. So despite her sisters protest, she just keeps doing it because she thinks her word play is so clever.

When Blossom gets laughing, like really laughing, she’s got the ugliest, snortiest laugh that’s so damn funny if her bad pun didn’t make you laugh, you’re certainly laughing now

On her days off from being a superhero, catch my girl numbing her brain with the absolutely worst soap operas the world has ever produced, and after they’re done she makes you sit there and psychoanalyze every scene

She’s a big movie talker but lord forbid you have anything to say during the movie 🙄 she bites your head off

For someone so freaking smart, she sure does fuck up laundry. It’s her least favorite chore. the amount of times the WHOLE family has had to pitch away articles of clothing because something very pink or very red bled through all the whites again is ungodly.

Speaking of clothes, she’s the one that’s always magically finding things “on her side of the closest” so obviously “she thought it was okay to wear” and “really you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

Bathroom hog. Bathroom hog. Bathroom hog. She’s got too much hair not to be, and speaking of hair!!!! It is everywhere! She sheds like a freaking cat. One time Buttercup had a hair in her mouth, pulled it out, and to her horror, kept pulling until the long red strand was safely pinched between her fingers. It left her overdramatically gagging for days.

The epitome of elegance and grace until she falls flat on her face. It seems like on top of all of Townsville, Blossom needs a great deal of saving herself.

“Can you please stop comparing everything to the Bulgarian conflict of 1204?”

Oof you remember that one girl from high school that was just too nice?? Was always so attentive to anyone who was talking to her? A VERY active listener?? And the evil part of you would go “god what the fuck is her problem?” That girl you’re thinking of right now is actually Blossom Utonium.

At the same time, she’ll blackmail the hell out of her sisters when she’s being petty and doesn’t feel like doing a chore or saving the day, leaving them to wonder if the “everything nice” is just one big ruse. Blossom’s always just there for the worst and most embarrassing moments. She caught one of them making out with a movie poster. She caught the other in the closest sobbing to the latest Disney soundtrack. She’s got things in her back pocket that would ruin them

And they don’t have any freaking dirt on her!!?!?!??! It makes them scream!🤬🤬

And no one believes them!! No one believes Buttercup or Bubbles when they (loudly) complain about how awfully annoying Blossom is. No one believes that sweet, nice, mild-mannered Blossom could ever be vindictive, or talkative, or mean. No one! And when BC and Bubs look over at Blossom, after another person has laughed them off, she’s wearing a shit-eating grin, because they all know no one will ever, ever, believe them.

She blows a kiss their way and waves her fingers in hello, but it’s okay, because three seconds later she trips over her own feet and sports a bruise on her forehead the whole rest of the day. (Still BC and Bubs get in trouble for laughing)

The most annoying part about Blossom, though, is that despite it all, somehow, Buttercup and Bubbles love her anyways. What’s a seemingly perfect “older” sister if they don’t bug the shit out of you???

“If you don’t shut up RIGHT NOW and go to sleep, I’ll ship your dead body to Bulgaria, do not push me!”

#lol I did bubbles and Buttercup forever ago #so I figured I’d look at Blossom in a different light too #people really do make her perfect #but I’d cut off my left hand before I admit my brothers were better then me about something #so I think that’d apply to the girls too #siblings 🤷‍♀️ what are they good for anyways???#I gave my brothers so many wedgies oh my god I was really THAT kid #older sister of the year over here #ppg shit post #character study I guess??#i apologize for spelling I didn’t edit lol #ppg blossom

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littledreamybeth · 5 years ago

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Our little secret

A/N: Happy new year, everyone! Let's make the first post of 2020 a fluffy one! I hope you like it! I haven't properly proof read everything, so I apologize for mistakes beforehand. Comments are highly, I stress highly appreciated.

Picture does not belong to me. Credits to the owner!

“Are you ready?” It was not impossible to overlook how nervous the young couple was. Trembling fingers interlocked, they looked at each other’s faces, searching for confirmation, or even doubt. Harry couldn’t recall being this nervous. An uneasy feeling had settled in his gut since he was sitting in front of the camera. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t really do what they were about to do, however, he also knew keeping this secret forever wouldn’t help either, because at the end somebody was going to find out anyway- as usual. He had promised Y/N he would do this, and they had talked everything out. They had taken drastic precautions, doubling their security guards and placing cameras almost everywhere in their home, so he wouldn’t be worried anymore.

“Only if you are, love,” His raspy, deep voice filled the room.

The young woman, his partner, soulmate, wife- his love, nodded.

“Alright, here we go…” She gave her sister-in-law, Gemma, who was standing behind the camera, permission to start the recording. The brunette woman held her thumbs up, smiling assuringly and encouragingly at the couple. Harry squeezed Y/N’s hand in comfort before he let go of her. He knew she was going to articulate with gestures. Besides, he needed to calm down himself. He was sitting there, his body in a tensed form. He had to relax. Breathing deeply in and out, the British man and his wife stared into the camera.

Here goes nothing...

“Hello everyone!” It was Y/N who spoke first. She was going to speak more since it was mostly about her. “Welcome back to my channel! I know it has been a very long while since I’ve posted anything, and I’m aware that many of you guys were concerned for me. I just vanished out of nowhere after all.” Not that anything bad had happened, no- she had a reason for all of that. But one thing after another, right?

“I highly appreciate your worry, guys. I know I owe you an explanation, and here I am, finally giving you one.” Harry’s wife had started a YouTube channel after they got together, uploading videos so that his fans could get to know her better. She was the person who rather spoke through actions than words. The amount of love she received was mind-blowing. She had never expected the support. Her videos always reached millions of views. Some of them were even with Harry and her doing couple stuff or challenges. If it wasn’t for his love, Harry would never agree to things like this. He’s private as we all know.

“First things first, I’ve seen many people speculating that Harry and I allegedly divorced, but as you can see, Mr. Styles is sitting right next to me and I’m still wearing my ring.” She pointed at the diamond ring on her finger. “I’d like to happily confirm that your assumptions about us were wrong.” She leaned over to give a kiss on his cheek, sensing how tense he was. She whispered “It’s gonna be fine” into his ear, running her hands through his brown locks before she focused on what was in front of her.

“I want to get to the point quickly,” She stressed. “The reason why I disappeared, why I never have accompanied Harry to any special event for the past year, why I wasn’t active on social media, is because something has happened that changed our lives forever. Today, we want to share it with you.”

It was Harry’s cue to stand up, walking behind the camera to have Gemma handing him over something, or even better, someone. When he came back and sat down, he had a bundle of joy in his arms, wrapped up in a pink blanket. The tiny human being underneath, who was sleeping before her father came to get her, let out a little whimper of protest for interrupting her sleep. Harry weighed her back and forth, shushing her softly. “It’s okay, angel.”

Harry’s eyes were full of love for this little miracle. Everybody could see it. He basically had her name written in them. Whenever, their baby girl was mentioned, his eyes lit up and a large smile covered his lips. What could he say? He was a proud daddy.

Y/N blended out the camera for a second and reached out to play with her daughters tiny fingers, then directed her attention back to it. Flustered, she said, “World, meet Olivia Rose Styles. Our daughter…”

She could imagine the amount of confusion and shock their announcement would create. People for sure wouldn’t stop talking about this for weeks. (Online) Magazines and newspapers would report about them. And Twitter? Twitter was going to freak out. She chuckled at the thought.

“It’s true, people,” Harry confirmed, his attention tightly fixed on baby Styles. “We’ve become mummy and daddy.”

“Yeah, we’re parents.” Y/N nodded her head. “That’s why I disappeared. Because I was pregnant. We wanted to keep it a secret.”

It was pretty easy to hide her baby bump in the first couple of months due to the fact that she wore and always loved to wear oversized clothing. Her entire wardrobe consisted mostly of oversized shirts and pullovers, and a few of Harry’s belongings. But the bigger her belly became, the harder it was to cover up the evidence. So, she decided to step out of the spotlight and enjoy her pregnancy to the fullest without any factors that stressed her out. Y/N belonged to the category of people who were easily stressed over the tiniest things; reading negative articles or tweets about her alone was enough to drive her insane, and because she knew that everything stressing her out would also affect the baby, Harry and her had agreed that she lived somewhere else with a better environment; a place where people wouldn’t chase after her and follow every step she did. Not that they would ever admit it, but Harry had bought an island for his Y/N as a wedding gift before they got married (he even ordered to build a house there), and that’s where she had retreated to for the rest of her pregnancy. She really loved nature. Lying at the beach whenever she pleased felt so refreshing. Knowing that no one was going to snap pictures of her made her feel at ease. Being out of civilization, far away from negative influence, was very therapeutic for her. She attempted to use less social media, or media in general, only requiring it if she wanted to watch a certain event that Harry attended. Of course, she wasn’t all alone. Her husband would never let her. Instead, Harry had bodyguards around her that kept watching her and made sure she was safe when he wasn’t around. Anne and Gemma also kept her company. Harry, on the other side, couldn’t spend much time with her as he hoped, because of tons of work. He at least tried to leave the weekends unoccupied so that he could be with his wife. When it came to the control checks and appointments, Y/N was flown back to the city, with strict measures taken in order to keep her hidden. Or sometimes, her doctor would pay her a visit.

“This was my first pregnancy, and I wanted it to be a memorable experience. I wanted to be at peace, and vanishing seemed the only solution for me.”

Gemma’s voice behind the camera rang. “Explain why you’ve never been seen at a hospital.”

“Oh yes! I almost forgot about that. I gave birth at home!”

Harry, diverting his attention to the camera lens, added, “And it was truly an amazing experience.”

The day, Y/N delivered her baby, both of their mums, Gemma and a midwife were present. Their fathers were waiting outside the room, because Y/N found it embarrassing to give birth in front of her father, or in front of Des. It was painful and exhausting, robbing all strength in Y/N’s body. Harry couldn’t bear to see his poor wife in pain; he felt completely powerless over the situation, only holding his love, encouraging her and eventually, crying with her. He even blamed himself for putting her through so much ache. But, the moment they heard the shriek they were desperately waiting for, the young man completely broke down. When he held her for the first time, his heart felt so full and complete. She looked like a copy of him, a baby version of himself. And her eyes… a shade of bluish- green.

“For the last three weeks, Harry and I have argued back and forth whether we make a wise decision,” She explained. “We discussed the advantages and disadvantages, and to be completely honest with you; even though the cons overweighed, we still decided to share out little secret with you before some strangers have the chance to release unpermitted information.”

Now that Y/N returned back from the island to their home, the chances of being discovered with a stroller was high. Besides, they didn’t plan on keeping Olivia in between four walls; they planned nice family trips for the future, so addressing their secret was the best.

Harry added, “We are in constant worry about her. You cannot really expect what people can do with an infant, especially if it’s my child. I hope you can understand that we don’t want anyone, except for family and friends, around her.” His expression became hard, his eyes transforming into an intense shade of green and his voice deeper than ever. “I may be kind, and don’t address certain things, but even I know how to destroy people’s lives, so be warned. If you come any closer to my daughter, I’ll end you.”

His statement startled Y/N. She had never experienced him like this before. Overprotective. She looked at Gemma, who shared the same emotion as her. Y/N pulled herself together and continued talking. There was another point she aimed to address.

“Please, don’t expect me to pull out the Kylie Jenner card and release a pregnancy journey video after all of this, because it’s not gonna happen,” Y/N informed, shrugging her shoulders. “Sorry, not sorry guys. The past couple of months have been the most joyous and adventurous period of my life, something very special and intimate, and I don’t want to share it with the world expect for the people involved- our family and friends. That’s why I ask for acceptance and understanding.”

Indeed, Y/N had every moment recorded. Sometimes, she would even send a video to Harry while he was at work, mocking him for how much he was missing out. One day, she had sent him footage in which baby Styles had kicked for the very first time, and it had Harry almost jumping out of his socks. It had been in the middle of a meeting with his band when he had received the message. He had gasped loudly, covering his mouth in shock which had attracted everyone’s attention and having them stare at him confusedly. Harry, on the contrary, had tears pooling his eyes. And being the little show-off he is, he went around and proudly showed everybody what his unborn daughter was capable of doing now- not forgetting the occasional ‘That’s daddy’s girl!’ leaving from his pink lips.

“We don’t want anyone to expect too much from us. We are against the idea of sharing pictures online until she has reached a certain age, and we insist that this should be okay for everyone.”

The baby in Harry’s arms slowly became restless, a cry escaping her throat. Everyone took this as a signal to end the video. “Thank you guys for watching this short announcement video. Take care of yourselves, and please don’t overreact too much, okay? Bye!” Everyone winked at the camera, and the recording was done.

After the video was cut and properly edited, Y/N posted it on her channel. Not a even a minute had passed before it had scored thousands of views. Scrolling through the comment section, Y/N chuckled at the fans’ reactions.

Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr… every social platform was a mess. She received lots of comments on her accounts. Famous artists and influencers reached out to her, congratulating them for the new addition to the family.

It was just as Y/N expected; the world was going crazy…

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liskantope · 4 years ago

Text

Hopefully this will be my last-ever post complaining about what someone said on social media, because current events are simmering down and once they’ve reached a moderate enough hum I’m going to redouble my previous efforts to stay away from it. But the particular interaction I’m going to describe seems to have furthered my progress slightly in understanding why so many people shout their views in the way that they do and how I should learn to better accept it.

One of my “closest” Facebook friends for over a decade, whose life’s passion nowadays revolves around anti-racist work (mainly in childhood education; she is white) posted a few hours after Biden’s victory was officially called last Saturday to preach that white Biden-voters shouldn’t claim any of the credit for his victory because it was BIPOC and particularly black women who carried this election (her justification for why they “carried us” was that as a demographic group most of them voted for Biden while as a demographic group a majority of white people voted for Trump), and that nothing will be better now except for who is in the White House because “whiteness and white supremacy have not disappeared” and that “your” responsibility is not diminished and “you” are not absolved as a good white person. She ended with an exhortation to bow down and “bend your knees” to BIPOC for “saving our asses”.

(Just realized looking back at her post to write this one that the phrasing was not “bend the knee” as I repeatedly misread at the time, assuming that it was a direct reference to Game of Thrones of which I know she’s a fan, and having recently listened to this insightful 8-minute Sam Harris podcast episode which used the phrase. This is slightly unfortunate since it was the obnoxiousness of that particular phrasing which tipped me over to acting against my better judgment in not just ignoring this like I have with so many dozens of other statements. I still find it obnoxious, though, and sanctimonious, and terrible messaging, and using poor arguments about causation, and reflecting an insistence on viewing as much as possible in terms of race at all times, and the epitome of identity politics.)

So yeah, after waiting a couple of days, I broke my usual silence and wrote a very polite but argumentative response that turned out to be enough paragraphs to make me feel a little embarrassed that I would take that much of my time on it. I knew there was virtually no chance of convincing her of anything substantial, but I figured just maybe some insight into how foreign and alienating this “you are responsible for what everyone of your color does and are never good enough and have to kneel in deference to those of a color which is” messaging is bound to be to anyone who’s less in an academic bubble than we are (which is, like, most people). I made the point that individual BIPOC didn’t contribute any more than individual white people did to Biden’s victory and that if we’re going to judge blocs of voters according to race we should be blaming Cuban-Americans for Biden’s loss in Florida, and that in fact Trump gained votes from among BIPOC and lost white male votes since four years ago. I wrote that implying that the only salient feature of us individuals is race is exactly what people complain about when they use the term “identity politics” and that the results of this election suggest that maybe we’re doing something wrong with our messaging.

It wasn’t a disaster. I got a very cordial response which completely avoided ad hominem and at least engaged the points I had made while clarifying her views. I didn’t find the supposed rebuttals of my points at all convincing, of course. For instance, my complaint about treating individual voters as merely people of a certain color was met with “It’s important in anti-racist scholarship to be able to analyze demographic trends in terms of race” (I would... never disagree with this?) and that focusing on individuals allows people to only look at their own actions and those of their friends and feel too good about themselves. She also expressed skepticism about my statistics about where Trump gained/lost support, which I was able to back up with a quick Google search which pulled up a Vox article among others (I thought it was only the insufficiently committed white liberals like me who sucked at Googling?). But her own views, while still resting on axioms I fundamentally differ on, just sounded a lot more reasonable when restated? E.g. “Moments like this shouldn’t be centered on whiteness” and “the ‘good white liberals’ should be aware that they aren’t as a big of a demographic in our race as they should be” (I don’t know any white liberal who would disagree or who doesn’t realize that white people vote majority Republican or is okay with that?) and that the bowing and bending the knee was not “a literal statement” but simply meant to convey that we should greatly respect how BIPOC voters contribute. She ended with providing a long list of anti-racist activists (the only one of whom I’m familiar with is Ally Henny, who I mainly remember for statements about how I’m encased in so many layers of racism that I would never be able to peel them off if I spent my whole lifetime doing nothing but trying) as a “starting point” of study.

I replied thanking her for pointing me to sources and agreeing with her implication that I should read more with a mind towards understanding what they’re saying before spouting off any more opinions. (Guess I have to make good on that promise now.) I made clear that I see a difference between her restatements and the way she worded things in her original post and suggested that some of this might even be on me for interpreting these kinds of posts more as logical arguments when they should be understood in a slightly more poetic manner. I gently gestured towards my suspicion that the current scholarship in this area might reflect a university culture (which I am very much a part of) more than the concrete priorities and concerns of the majority of people of color, although I’m in no position to positively claim anything about this. I got no response.

Anyway, in writing my last response, a little more clicked into place for me about a different lens through which I should process all the behavior that drives me nuts in a written context online (I mainly mean social media but am being even broader than that). This is going to sound condescending but ironically it might help me to have a less condescending attitude?

The fact is -- and I just have to accept this -- that making efforts to be nuanced and to “meet people who disagree where they are at” and to aim for the truth but no farther than the truth are simply not highly-valued principles for most people (social media -users and otherwise). They may kinda-sorta agree in the abstract with these principles, but in practice they hold a much lower status than the principles of conveying anger and strong words as a sign of commitment towards Fighting Evil. Some people I know do have an “argumentation value system” closer to mine, and I know who those people are -- it really shows in what they write online. But those people are a fairly small minority.

And this alien “argumentation value system” isn’t something that really shows in casual real-life interactions very plainly at all (which of course is what almost all human interactions were up until 10-15 years ago), while in contrast social media is an environment that augments its effect.

The sooner I accept this, the more moderation I’ll be able to manage in my negative reactions. I can remind myself that there’s less fundamental disagreement on most actual issues between me and the people I know: we instead disagree on a sort of meta-level issue of how one’s views should be presented. And that issue, taken by itself, seems somehow like something more minor. I wrote a few months ago about how knowing what so many people in my life write publicly oftentimes interferes with my capacity to view them as potential intimate friends/partners. Maybe I can be a little more accepting when I recognize that the things they write which turn me off perhaps don’t come from a place of such irrationality as I thought, that the differences in our ways of thinking might not be quite so fundamental (although this differing system of values for argumentation still strikes me as something that could badly affect a marriage, say). And in the practical short term, I can ignore things that bother me more easily in the future -- instead of feeling like I’m on a tilted playing field where everyone else gets to vent without inhibition while I have to carefully monitor and qualify everything I say, I can try to just round a lot of this off in terms of different preferred writing styles and somehow that bothers me less?

A similar underlying principle holds for the things that annoy me on dating profiles, what with the collective obsession with dogs and boasts of being “fluent in sarcasm” and so on. This probably doesn’t reflect much about the way the creators of these profiles actually are as humans in real life. Not that many single women really view their dogs as the most interesting thing that ever was or will be about their lives. They just choose to have a certain style of exposition about themselves because of peculiarities of the environment of online dating sites/apps, where showing enthusiasm and individuality in some way seems to pay and the topic of dogs would seem like a pretty safe place to direct this performed enthusiasm. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t demonstrate some aspect of incompatibility with me or that I’m not going to be more instantly attracted to those with profiles that have more refreshing things to say than stuff about how amazing dogs are or of those who *gasp* actually prefer cats or *deeper gasp* prefer not to have pets at all. But it means that I can read the dogs-and-sarcasm-enthusiast profiles a little more charitably maybe?

This slightly altered mindset is a far from perfect solution, but I think it helps. A lasting three-quarters-of-the-way disconnect from social media entirely still needs to be a goal at this point.

#Social media #better decision 2020 #social justice #online dating #pets

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captaincvans · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter Three: Tear Me to Pieces

11/01/19

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2502+

Warnings: Language; Panic Attack; Angst; Angry!Chris; Sad!Chris

Series Masterpost

A/N: I think I’ll stick with posting biweekly (once every two weeks) as it seems to fit my schedule most. It’s been tough trying to fit writing in with my grad school, but I am trying to balance everything! You get an extra long chapter though! I hope you enjoy and pleaseee lemme know what you think! I appreciate every comment, ask about this fic 💕

“I don’t know what to do, mom,” Chris cried on the phone. He was desperate for some answers as the feeling of dread took over his heart. His career and his personal life has what he felt like being destroyed in a matter of weeks, and he was overwhelmed with so many emotions.

“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this,” Lisa immediately cooed sympathetically. “Have you been able to see Jenna at all?” With them being so close, it was no surprise that Lisa knew the name of Chris’s therapist back in Boston. Chris had actually gone to a couple of sessions with his father, wanting to mend a few troubles the two had in a safe place.

There was a beat of silence, and he answered with a small, “No.”

“Oh, it’s okay, baby. Do you want me to book you an appointment with her?” Lisa was worried that Chris hadn’t been seeing anyone throughout this whole ordeal. She could tell how overwhelmed he was, and she knew he needed someone more than her at this moment.

“S’okay. I’ll call her tonight.”

Her heart was breaking at the sound of his defeated voice, the 38 year-old sounding more like a child, and it pulled at her heartstring. “Okay. Text me when you’re going. I’ll come by and drop you off. We can make a whole adventure out of it.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, saying goodbye to his mother before ending the call. He made an appointment with Jenna, who scheduled him in for the next day, hearing the gravity of the situation. A text pinged on his phone not long after, his personal assistant, John Diangelo, asking if he can come by. He texted back with a ‘yes’, needing a friend through this all and wanting to inform John of his manager’s crime.

Chris sat on his couch, Dodger in the crate sensing the tension in the house. He sat there, numb and broken. It could’ve been hours and he wouldn’t have realized. The only thing that got him out of his reverie was the knock on the door. With drawn out, sluggish movements, he got to the door, opening to reveal his sympathetic PA.

“How are you holding up, brother?” the Kansas-born man asked with a soft smile.

“I don’t know, John. I really don’t know,” Chris whispered, sitting down on his couch with his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Take it one day at a time. It’s all you can do,” he said, running his hand through his ginger hair. “Has the police found anything?”

“It was Daniel. He’s the one stealing money from me.”

“Holy shit,” John cursed, leaning on the wall behind Chris.

“And while we were talking to him, he said someone else was involved.”

“Who?” John asked urgently, eyes wide in concern and anticipation.

“Y/N.”

“No fucking way,” John muttered, his voice coming out breathier than usual.

Chris shook his head. “I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe this. I was going to propose,” he confessed.

John was at a loss of words, not knowing how to comfort the man. Anything he said would sound ingenuine. “It’ll get better, brother. At least you found out sooner than later.”

“I guess so,” Chris mumbled. He blinked a few times, his red-rimmed eyes hurting with every blink. “I’m gonna go pack up her stuff.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, it’s alright. I can pack’em myself.”

“Okay. I can take her stuff down once you’re finished with them, and let her know they’re ready for her to pick up if you want?”

“That would be great. Thank you, John.” With robotic movements, Chris went to the bedroom he once shared with the love of his life, and started packing.

Six Months Later

The investigation slowed down a bit as they kept hitting roadblocks with the press. It became a more high profile case, and the attention it received hindered people from doing their job as they were harassed by the press. They were relentless once they caught a whiff of the drama unfolding in Chris’s life. He tried to keep the issue as private as possible, but it was hard to when there were so many moving parts involved- from the fraud investigators, the police officers in charge of his case, and Kevin and his accounting firm that is doing a complete audit of Chris’s finances. There were a lot of people involved, one of the was bound to sell the story to the press.

Captain America Breaks Up with Girlfriend Over Money?

Chris Evan’s Girlfriend a Gold Digger?

Chris Evan Found to Have Fired Manager Over Fraud

Headline after headline, they wrote it all. Rumours and assumptions being thrown around, and articles that were only half truth. With the leaks of the news, there was another investigation launched to find the person who was leaking Chris’s personal information to the public. Chris couldn’t go anywhere without being followed by the press. He hired bodyguards for himself and his family, hating the fact that they were victims to his problems.

It marked the 25th week of the investigation, the end was almost in sight. One of the newly hired fraud investigators was caught selling information to the press, and was quickly fired from the company. Everyone else had to sign a tighter non-disclosure form that was created by Chris’s legal team.

It was a gloomy Friday, the rainy day finally easing up as peak summer hit the town of Massachusetts. Chris just finished his daily morning walk with Dodger, hating the humid rain as much as his little dog did. Scott was staying at his place for a few days, trying to distract him from it all, and trying to pull him back out of his isolation. His usual goofy self was nowhere to be seen as he became paranoid of the next person to take advantage of him. Aside from his family, he’s been ignoring a lot of his friends, and only recently gotten back in touch with them.

Just as he finally cooled down from the AC in his house, his phone rang.

“Hey Jason, what’s up?”

“We got some new information. Do you mind coming by the station?”

Chris sighed, rubbing his forehead. It seems like he couldn’t catch a break with all the information that was hitting him.

“Chris? You okay?”

“Yea, yea. Sorry. Just got distracted for a bit- I can be there in half an hour or so.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

“You good?” Scott asked, entering the kitchen as Chris was finishing up his call. Dodger happily jumped towards him, begging to be given attention which he happily gave.

“Yea. Jason just said they have more information and needed me to come down.”

“Want me to come with you?”

He gave a non-committal shrug.

“Alright. Lemme just get changed, and we can go.”

The two brothers met up with Jason and Diana Bass, she was in charge of the whole investigation and was working closely with Jason to finish everything in a timely matter. They walked to a small meeting room, both brothers refusing any refreshments as the tension built in the room.

“While we were investigation Y/N, we found something else,” Jason said, his eyebrows pulled together anxiously.

“What is it?”

“We investigated all of Y/N’s accounts, and we did not find any extra deposits. Instead, we found monthly withdrawals. We followed the money, and it was going to an account created by John Diangelo, your personal assistant.”

“Fuck! Him too?” Scott growled, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder for solidarity.

Dianna nodded sympathetically. “Unfortunately, he seemed to be the mastermind of the whole operation. We went through his files and exchanges with Ms. L/N to see what the relationship was as we thought she was sending him the money she took from you to put in an offshore account like with Daniel, but there were only brief communication from prior years, most of them regarding your schedules. There were no indications that they talked beyond your schedule. We did, however, find a letter addressed to Ms. L/N in his computer about the terms your relationship with her.”

Chris tilted his head in confusion. “What terms?”

“In this letter, it said that in the case that you broke up with her for reasons that are unequivocally her fault, she will be forced to pay back the material cost of your relationship. Any time you paid for her, whether it was dinner or anniversary gifts, she must pay it back 100%. And as far as she knows, your separation was caused because you were “unhappy with her” as she quoted in our interrogation so she paid the cost.”

“What the fuck? We never had such agreements! That’s ridiculous- I would never make her do such things.” Chris was pissed, even more so than his staff stealing money, they were blackmailing people too. He thought they were pretty messed up to think of such things. Even in previous relationships where his girlfriend had cheated on him, lied to him, and manipulated him, he would never think to have them pay back.

“Ms. L/N confirmed that she had signed that agreement somewhere in the two-year make of your relationship. It was given to her by Mr. Diangelo privately in which he requested her utmost discretion, and it also had your signature.”

“What?! No- No- I never signed anything like that!”

“We sent the letter to your legal team, but we can almost confirm that Mr. Diangelo had forged your signature in that letter as your letter was on the file and there was no evidence of an original physical copy. Regardless, it is not a binding contract as it never went through any of your lawyers.”

“Unfortunately, Y/N doesn’t know that,” Jason continued. “She thought she did have to pay everything back, and we are trying to gather more information as we speak, but I’m guessing there are no merit to the numbers he pulled.”

“That’s fucking messed up!” Chris growled, one his hand resting on his hip and the other rubbing his chin anxiously.

“We cannot disclose the amount Ms. L/N paid Mr. Diangelo, but are working to finish up the investigation so the money can be returned to her.”

“So she wasn’t working with Daniel and John?” Chris confirmed, not knowing whether he preferred knowing the truth or not.

“We cannot draw any conclusions at this time,” Diana stated.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, the guilt starting to bubble in his stomach. “ Okay…” Chris shook hands with Diana before she parted ways. He then turned to Jason, “Was she involved at all?”

“Chris,” Jason said in a warning tone.

“Please- I- I just gotta know.”

“I just know from the financial side of things, and there was nothing to indicate that she was involved, Chris. She could’ve had the money transferred to another account or something, but so far nothing’s come up except for her payments to John.”

“Ho-How much did she pay?”

Jason sighed, shaking his head. “Chris, I can’t tell you that.”

“Please- Please just give me an approximate- I just need to know-”

“She paid 3⁄4 of it, including the damage fee. She said she wanted to get rid of the debt as soon as possible so you didn’t have to worry about it.”

“How much?”

“Chris-”

“How much?!” Chris all but yelled, standing up from his chair and knocking it over in the process. His chest was heaving, and his fist shaking as his eyes glossed with tears.

“The number he gave her was close to $40 000 that she had to pay in the span of five years, and in the event that she couldn’t pay the monthly installments, she would have to pay an interest of 10%- not to mention the damage fee that he included of $10 000.”

It was at that moment, Chris knew she was never involved. He felt like a huge fog has lifted from his brain, as if he finally cleared his brain after a bad hangover. The past few months felt like a nightmare, but it was then that he realized, this was his reality. His manager and personal assistant tricked him, manipulated him, stole from him, and he believed them when they said that his girlfriend was a part of it all. Even if she was, the way he treated her that night. Chris felt like a monster, a stranger living in his own skin. Looking back, he can’t even recognize himself, the words he said, the things he called her. They were unforgivable. “Jesus Christ, Jason. I-I-I fucked up. She wasn’t even at fault, and I blamed her.”

“We don’t know that, Chris. For all we know she could still have some part in this.”

Chris ignored him, shaking his head. He knew, and deep down he’s always known that she was never a part of this all. “Is she still here? Can I see her?” He looked around, desperate to see a glimpse of the woman he thought he would be his fiancee by now.

“She left already, said she needed to get to work.”

Scott peered at his brother from the corner of his eyes, looking more worried as Chris’s breathing got uneven. “Hey, hey, hey. C’mon-” He sat him down again, gently easing him into another chair. “C’mon, Chris. You gotta breathe.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Chris cried repeatedly, face turning red at his inability to breathe. “She didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’ll get him some water,” Jason said, giving his friend some space.

“She wasn’t- She wasn’t- She didn’t do anything wrong, Scotty.”

“Shh, shh. It’s okay. We don’t know that.”

“I said so many awful things to her.” Chris cried, his hand covering his mouth as bile crawled up his throat. “Oh God, I think I’m going to be sick.”

Scott saw how pale Chris had gotten, turning around to grab the small garbage can and put it below the leaning man just as Chris coughed up bile.

“The- The baby!” Chris exclaimed, inadvertently knocking the paper cup from Jason’s hand as his hand grabbed his friend’s sleeve. “Was she- How’s the baby? Did you see her bump? Does she look healthy?”

Jason didn’t know how to answer that question. Before this whole ordeal, he has only seen Y/N through pictures from the press, and never met her in person. Either way, there was no way she was pregnant when he met her. “She- She didn’t look that pregnant?” Jason said uneasily, not knowing how to break the news.

“Wh-What?” Chris said to himself, shaking his head. “No… Please, God no… No, no, no... ” He shrunk back on the couch, whimpering how stupid he was, and rubbing his chest as if it could appease the weight on his heart as he realized his mistake.

<-- (Chapter 2) (Chapter 4) -->

- Tag List -

@lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @vogueworthy-barnes @hista-girl @tfandtws @aletteredaffair @traceyaudette @lupine-princess @songforhema @stella2445 @coffeebooksandfandom @qrndevans @straightforwardly @cesarofangirl78 @buckybarneslove76 @kaithezaftig @evanstush @ownerofthebastard @jadedhillon @ka-x-in @lili-ann-love @bulldozed88 @dolan-mendes @jeleners1430 @yougurt-con-avena @fandomoneshots-imagines @patzammit @ramblingsnfandom @beanthedoggo @luckylightfiction @luckyfiction17 @hautejily @chrisevanssleeping @snave-sirhc @gemgemswift @firstangeldragonranch @hiddlesbitch1 @virtualmemmecollector @heladoom @crimeshowtrash @notyourtypicalrose @peach-acid @uneniffler @cloudyskylines @simmisblog @shikshinkwon @queenkronk @aubageddon91 @thefandomzoneisdangerous @the-soulofdevil @lizblinder @what-is-your-wish @natdrunk @capsiclesdoll @genesgoingtohamslam @kapokipa666 @mom---nicole @cltex84 @star-spangled-steve @sassyspacedust @dlb113 @bojabee @iwik3it @samsebsblog @friyak1

#chris evans x reader #chris x reader #steve rogers x reader #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #Chris Evans fandom #chris evans oneshot #josephine writes #steve rogers #marvel #marvel fics #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfiction

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thatshithurted8 · 5 years ago

Text

When You Grow Up (III)

Summary: As Y/N’s wonderful day comes to an end, Tom seems to ruin it by asking questions that need to be answered.

Length: 2,259

Series Masterlist

A/N I’ve decided that this is going to be a series!!

--------------------------------------

When you first read the message Tom sent, you simply turned your phone on silent, rolled over and tried to go back to bed. Tried is the key word. You wanted to answer him in the morning when you are well rested and are thinking clearly, but your body had other plans.

After a few minutes of tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable again you groan out of frustration and pick up your phone. As you type away you delete, rewrite, delete and rewrite the message over and over again. You finally send a text back, deciding to keep it short.

Y/N: Marv’s diner tomorrow (technically today) at 1?

Almost instantly Tom responds.

Tom: See you then :)

His quick response makes you wonder what is he still doing up at this hour? Then it dawned on you, he was partying and he was drunk texting you.You grumble as you slam your phone down annoyed, that your ex woke you up from texts he won’t even remember in the morning.

----------------------------------------

“Where the hell are we going?” You ask your sister, Faye as you waddle down a long hallway in a hotel near your house. Faye woke you up early and decided to take you out on a girls day. The first thing you two did was go out for breakfast at your favourite restaurant. Then the both of you guys got your nails done, you opting for a shade of light blue. And now you were in a hotel you’ve never stayed at following your older sister with confusion evident on your face.

“You’ll see in a sec.” She says stopping in front of two wooden doors with a smile on her face.

“Well go in.” Faye says looking at you expectantly once you catch up to her.

You follow her orders and as you open the door family and friends pop up yelling, “Surprise!”

You jump slightly in your spot as your right hand flies up to your heart, a shocked smile forming on your face. You were at a loss for words as you look around, Faye threw you a surprise baby shower.

As the party commences you stand in the same spot, shock still on your face as your mom and dad walk up to you and your sister. “Surprise!” Your mother says, placing a blue flower crown on your head.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Ever since you were little you dreamed of what your future baby shower would be like, but now that you’re a single mother you decided that spending money on a baby shower wasn’t worth it, when you could be buying Alexander necessities. Your family knew you were secretly disappointed at the fact you weren’t having one so everyone secretly chipped in to fulfil your dream.

You and your parents exchange hugs before you start to walk around the medium sized conference room, greeting friends and family. As you walk around music starts to play and you marvel at the decorations around the room.

When you first walk into the room the first thing you see is a table set up at the wall directly in front of you. On this table are two flower arrangements at each end and the table itself is filled with cake and sweets. Above the table hangs a white stuffed bear holding onto a bunch of blue balloons to make it look like it is floating away. The second table on the other side of the room is filled with refreshments, snacks and games. The third, and last table is stacked with presents on top. There’s blue balloons scattered around the room and a make shift photo booth area could be found hidden in a corner.

To your dismay the party flew by in what seemed to be minutes with all of the fun you had. This is the most carefree you’ve felt in awhile and if you were honest it felt refreshing. You make sure to say goodbye to all of the remaining guests before leaving yourself.

Faye and your parents told you to go home, that they will see you there in an hour or so after cleaning everything up and putting the gifts in their car. You wanted to stay and help after all, they just threw you a baby shower, it’s the least you could do. However, they persisted for you to get some rest.

So currently you found yourself turning into the driveway of your childhood home. Once you shut off the car you remain seated for a few minutes as you lean your head against the steering wheel of Faye’s car with a giant smile on your face.

As you finally get out of your sisters car you clutch your prominent stomach and hum while you walk up the stairs of the porch, looking at your belly. Once your eyes look up they instantly land on a figure sitting on the wooden bench your dad built.

Your smile instantly disappears and you can feel your happy mood diminish when your brain registers who’s sitting on your porch.

It was Tom.

He didn’t look happy as he looked up at you from his spot. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Well I was at Marv’s diner waiting for you, but you never showed up.”

Your eyes widen at the statement Tom made. “Tom I thought you were drunk when you texted me.” You say with a sigh.

“I wasn’t drunk Y/N.” He says while standing up. “What made you think I was?”

You roll your eyes at the man in front of you. “I don’t know, maybe the fact partying and getting drunk is your favourite past time.”

“I was at a party, but I wasn’t drunk.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” You ask with a raised eyebrow and a hand on your hip.

“Because after Chelsea and I saw you yesterday I realised how much I miss you.”

You could feel your heart wince at this. This can’t be happening, after months of getting used to being on your own he has the audacity to come back and say he misses you? After all of the emotional and mental turmoil he put you through?

“You should’ve thought about that before telling me to abort Alexander and leaving.” You say with venom laced in your voice. Tom was clearly hurt at what you said, but you didn’t care after all, does he think everything is going to go back to normal just by saying he misses you? He has a girlfriend for fucks sake.

As Tom stands in the same spot you turn towards the front door and insert the key and open it. While you take a step to walk into the house Tom grabs your hand and says, “Wait!” A little too loudly, making you have deja vu to Target.

You turn around to look at him, but you look down at your connected hands, trying your best to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. Tom notices you staring and instantly disconnects his hand from yours.

“Can we please talk?” At first you were going to say no, but then you thought about the precious baby boy growing inside of you. Maybe this chat can benefit him.

“Fine, but you can’t stay long.” You say walking into the air conditioned house with Tom following behind you. Both of you take off your shoes and the brunette follows you up the stairs towards your bedroom.

When you guys walk into your room Tom is taken aback at how much it’s changed. While you guys were semi-dating Tom came over to your family home numerous times, especially since it was so close to your apartment on campus.

Once you reach your room Tom watches as you grab a few articles of clothing from your dresser. “I’ll be right back I’m going to get changed.” You say before exiting your room and walking down the hall to the washroom. As you change Tom takes this time to look around your new and improved room. He notices how you got rid of most of your teenage stuff and replaced it with items that were appropriate for your age.

Instead, of keeping the purple walls from your teenage years your room is now beige. You got rid of your bean bag chairs and replaced it with a grey rocking chair. Tom noticed how you moved your dresser to the other side of the room and on top is a changing pad. Beside the dresser is a small bookshelf filled with books from your childhood and framed pictures of Alexander from ultrasounds. On your bed is a giant pillow that Tom thought was a person at first, but in reality it was your pregnancy pillow. The last thing Tom’s eyes land on is the light brown crib beside your bed.

As Tom inspects your room he can’t help, but to pick up one of the framed ultrasound pictures and walk over to the crib. He didn’t realise he was doing these actions it came naturally.

He looked down at the black and white picture in awe before looking into the crib and seeing stuffed animals along one side and a fuzzy blue blanket. He looks up and see’s a baby mobile hanging above the crib. Tom reaches up and touches one of the animals attached to the mobile.

He could already tell his son was already loved so much. So why didn’t he love Alexander the same way as you did with the same intensity when you told him?

“What are you doing?” You ask as you stand in the doorway of your room.

Tom instantly turns around feeling adrenaline course through his veins as he didn’t expect you to catch him. “I-I don’t know.” He chokes out as he takes in your appearance. You took your make up off from earlier, had your hair up in a messy bun and were wearing black leggings with an over sized shirt with the name of your college on it. Despite, the shirt being oversized your stomach still stood out. Tom loved it when you dressed like this and seeing you wear this particular outfit is making the brown eyed boy be reminded to when you two were together.

You simply shrug your shoulders while putting your dirty clothes in a hamper and walking over to your bed. Tom puts the picture back where he found it as you do this. You climb into your bed, getting under the covers, while leaning against the headboard of your bed. You simply nod over to the rocking chair in the corner and Tom silently understands what you mean.

After Tom sits down in the grey chair you speak, “So what do you want to talk about?”

“I think I want to be in Alexander’s life.” He breathes out.

“You think or you know?”

“I-I know. I know I want to be in his life.” Tom stutters looking around the room before finally meeting your gaze.

“Why?” You ask as you fold your arms over your chest.

“What do you mean why?”

You sigh. “Well there has to be a reason right? Just a few months ago you were adamant you didn’t want him and now all of a sudden you do. What changed?”

It took Tom a few minutes to gather his thoughts before he spoke, “When you first told me I was scared and I’m sure you were too, but at that moment in time I didn’t even know if I liked kids, let alone wanted them and then I find out you’re pregnant with my child. I was so shocked and scared that I acted immaturely and said some really stupid things Y/N and I’m really sorry for that.” He pauses looking at you in the eyes and you could tell how he truly sorry he was.

“I’d be lying if I said every day away from you I didn’t think about you because I did. I thought about you and the baby all of the time.” Tom’s statement causes a blush to creep onto your face and you hope that he doesn’t notice it. “I wanted to reach out to you I really did, but I was scared that you’d shut me out. And to be honest after our last talk I thought it would be impossible to fix things.” Tom says looking at your hands caressing your stomach then back up to your eyes.

“But then Chelsea and I saw you at Target and once my eyes landed on your bump I felt ashamed. Ashamed for what I put you through, ashamed for letting you go through this pregnancy alone, ashamed that I missed watching Alexander grow along with your belly. So please Y/N can we do this parenting thing together? I’ve already missed so much please don’t let me miss anything else.” He asks - begs you.

You sigh as you gather your thoughts. You know you can’t let your emotions get in the way for what’s best for your son, but a part of you is scared that he’ll leave again. No matter what your answer is it won’t fix everything, you know that for sure, but if it will have a positive impact on Zander then you’re all for it. However, you will never forget what Tom did.

You chew on your bottom lip knowing what you’re about to say will make or break yours and Alexander’s future. “Yes Tom we can do this parenting thing together.”

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Tags: @livasaurasrex @bellamyblakemorley @mutuallynotmutual @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @badgalll88 @ilyholland @bangtan-serendipity @itsbebeyy @ghostinparker @onelovesr @newleta

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #frat tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker angst #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #spiderman far from home #Avengers #marvel

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queerofcups · 5 years ago

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could you talk about why you're so into ian/mickey? i don't know tha tmuch about them (only watched a few of scenes of them together) but they just seem. toxic.

oh boy can i!

so the thing you’ve gotta understand about Ian/Mickey is that Shameless (US) first aired in January 2011. For reference, Glee started airing in 2009 and Blaine and Kurt kissed on primetime television in March 2011 and there were like, a lot of articles, in real newspapers and magazines about that kiss. It was referred to (erroneously, but people were excited) as the first show to have a primetime kiss between two men. While there was definitely LGBTQ+ media, there were not a lot of queer folks existing on primetime or premium television and there definitely weren’t a lot of them who were teenagers. I don’t think Shameles was the first to depict anything, but it was definitely one of the first shows in American television to show a relationship like Ian and Mickeys and be so popular.

Because Shamess wasn’t always a bad show! Shameless used to be critically acclaimed, it used to regularly nominated for Emmys and shit.

Ian is the whole reason I started watching Shameless. I was young and fannish and excited to see a gay character on screen. I was young enough to not be as squicked by Ian’s first relationship on the show as I was when I rewatched Season 1 a few weeks ago (Ian’s first boyfriend on the show is Kash, who’s older, married with kids and also Ian’s boss). And it was a desert for easily accessible queer content (I was watching a lot of queer movies at the time but there’s a real difference between a movie and a on-going TV show narratively) with an oasis or two that was usually shaped like a pretty white boy.

Also. To speak to your notion of toxicity. You’re right. Ian and Mickey’s relationship is relatively toxic. If I knew them in real life I’d be telling both of them to get into therapy and also break the fuck up immediately. But back then and now, I find it refreshing to watch a story about two people that are in a context where money is very much an issue, and they’ve grown up shaped by poverty and crime as totally normal things.

(Don’t…don’t get me started on the ways Shameless fails around the racial politics of Southside of Chicago. The cast is qwhite monochrome but its even worse when they try to engage with race. Liam’s whole character is just. Yikes.)

Pop culture and fandom are really drawn to characters that are middle-to-upper class or characters that don’t exist in situations where money is a concern. Ian and Mickey are poor, and they’ve been to prison a time or two and they’ve beaten each other bloody a time or two. There was a recent episode where they both thought the other killed their (shared) parole officer and didn’t believe the other when both denied killing her. It was played for laughs but that’s some fucking rich narrative material. Ian got compared to Kurt a lot when Shameless started and got called “real”. I mean, I’m not really here for erasing the experiences of LGBTQ+ kids (good or bad) because they’ve theoretically got some financial privilege, but obviously people were getting something from Ian that they weren’t getting from Kurt.

Then there’s Mickey Milkovich. Uhm, CWs for sexual assault, parental abuse

So listen. To keep it one-hundo, if they re-did all of Shameless from Mickey’s perspective, I’d eat it up with a spoon. Because all the time the show has spent on Ian trying to “get out” and failing or succeeding and then ultimately failing, there’s been Mickey fuckin’ Milkovich. Mickey, who embraced the family name and family reputation of being a thug. Mickey, who’s a bottom (like. he claimes this, this isn’t me putting that label on him) and been relatively nonplussed about it and how it lines up with his masculinity for a decade now. Mickey, who was forced, literally. at gunpoint. by his father to have sex with a woman and then did his damndest to take care of her and his kid and his boyfriend for months. Mickey who constructed what was essentially an elopement for Ian despite having not seen him for what months? (years? time isn’t real on Shameslss), an elopement that would have worked if only for a while.

Tbh I started watching Shamless S10 because Mickey came back. And the fact that they’ve given Ian and Mickey more space in Season 10 only confirmed that they’re one of the most interesting elements of Shameless and Mickey is one of the most interesting characters on the show. If they’d actually give their relationship time and space to breath, they’d probably get nominated for some more awards.

But they aren’t, so they won’t. So I’ll just keep writing deeply frustrated fanfiction.

ETA: I posted and thought about a clarification. I think Mickey’s character benefits from not getting the over-writing that Ian’s character gets. Whether its because of behind the scenes stuff or just because Ian is both part of this huge ship and a Gallagher, he gets more screentime than Mickey and his stories for the last ten seasons have been all over the place. I feel like I know and understand Mickey much more as a character than Ian. He’s not fundamentally that different from himself in S1. There are some fundamental changes but his core personality is pretty much the same. Where as Ian’s character feels like he’s changed a lot over the last seasons. So like. Its not that I like Mickey and dislike Ian (well. mostly not.) and more that I think Mickey’s a better written character.

#ian/mickey #i gotta get a Shameless tag #Anonymous

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peace-coast-island · 5 years ago

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Diary of a Junebug

Dining out at the Majestic Cafe!

We’re popping out the champagne bottles tonight for a majestic dining experience!

Today’s the third year anniversary of the cafe’s grand opening. The place is run by Julie Nargarkar and Enid Zuberi. There’s also Hana, who prefers to be behind the scenes so we don’t really see as much of her but she deserves credit too. It was an idea that started out as “what if?” and then it grew into something big.

The story of how they came together adds to this cafe’s charm and appeal.

First there’s Julie, who was an aspiring reporter. A few years ago, after graduating college, she landed what seemed to be a promising position at a trendy news site. Writing articles about pop culture isn’t really something she aspired to do but it was a popular website, it paid super well, and gave her connections.

Although working there gave her a boost in her professional life, the environment at the office was terrible. Being one of the very few women in the office - especially a woman of color, Julie was subjected to a lot of shitty treatment by her colleagues and bosses. She held out for as long as she could before quitting a year and a half later right after the company won a web award. And by the company, it was actually her - reporter of the year.

Publicly resigning from your work after winning an award was a power move and one that the company never recovered from. Basically when Julie went up to accept the award, instead of thanking her colleagues, she called them out on their misogyny, racism, and hypocrisy before announcing that she was glad to end her time at the company on the high note.

Of course, the speech went viral. More women spoke up about how they were mistreated by the company, which led more people to come forward about how they were screwed over by how some of the reporters failed to give credit or outright stole from creators. So the company ends up shooting itself on the foot while denying everything and hasn’t recovered since.

I have mad respect for Julie for taking them down like that.

Not long afterwards, Julie and a friend started a lifestyle blog called Typewriter Keys. The blog updated twice a week - Julie on Monday and Leah on Friday. After the whole media blowout with her resignation speech, Julie debated pushing back the blog’s launch in case a bunch of trolls decided to crash the website. But in the end she decided to proceed as planned, assigning a couple of friends to moderate comments and block anyone who tries to stir up trouble. Within a few months the trolls stopped coming in hordes.

Going from a toxic workplace to running your own business where you call all the shots was a refreshing change of scenery for Julie. Instead of drowning in deadlines and writing about clickbait stuff, she was free to pursue what she wanted to do. And the fact that the blog was super successful was rewarding itself.

But at the same time, Julie felt something was lacking. As much as she enjoyed writing blog posts, she preferred it as a hobby. Although she puts in 100% in her work, it was getting harder and harder for her to sit down in front of her computer and write.

Whenever she started feeling burnt out, Julie would go to a cafe to clear her mind and hopefully get out of her writer’s block. Most of the time it works and she’s inspired again. But as time went on, her writer’s block worsened and while being in a busy cafe helped her de-stress, she was uninspired to write, which then stressed her out again, leading to an unhealthy cycle.

Eventually she decided to take a short break from the blog, which turned into six months. During that time, she found herself drawn to cafes and began taking an interest in the business. She would often travel out of town to explore different coffee shops, which is how she met Enid.

Enid’s led an interesting life. She was a rags to riches story, though in a bit of an unconventional way. She was originally a waitress at a run down diner and then suddenly she was whisked away to another country as a possible suitor for a prince. Although she got along well with him and his friends, Enid couldn’t see herself living life as royal. Instead, she fell for Lady Hana Lee, a duchess and childhood friend of the prince.

The next few years were a bit of a wild ride for Enid. From going on royal adventures, falling in love, and dealing with political/family drama - it was unreal! But after three years, it was getting tiring. The prince was cool but his relatives weren’t the best to get along with. Dealing with royal stuff was suffocating and it was taking a toll on Enid and the others.

Although the whole purpose of bringing Enid and other women to the castle was to find him a bride, he instead chose his two best friends - a stablehand and a bodyguard. Did I mention that the elders are really homophobic and classist?

Knowing that their families disapprove and have the power to ruin their lives if they don’t conform to their standards, the five of them snuck to another country to elope. Two other friends risked their status to help them carry out the plan. So as a result, a former waitress, a stablehand, a bodyguard, and four royals were banned from the country.

None of them regret doing it. Mad respect to them as well.

While the media was having a field day, the gang went globe hopping, meeting up with many friends who supported what they did. A few months later a princess and her friends followed suit after being inspired by them. Once the media attention died down, the gang felt that it was time for them to get on with their lives. As much as she loved traveling, Enid wanted to settle down so she and Hana moved to the coastal town of Willowdale while the husbands continued to travel the world.

Adjusting to life in Willowdale was a lot easier said than done for Enid, and especially for Hana. They were able to get by so finances wasn’t an issue, which helped a lot. But they didn’t know what to do after spending over a year traveling. On one hand, it was good to take a break from a hectic lifestyle to reevaluate what they wanted out of their lives. But after a while it was getting stagnant and they were stuck in a rut they didn’t know how to get out of.

Like Julie, Enid and Hana found comfort in coffee shops. They happened to run into each other in Silverkeep, a city near Willowdale. From there they became fast friends and would meet up at a new coffee shop at least twice a month.

While getting to know each other, Hana wondered what it would be like to run a cafe. Willowbrook was a nice town to live in, but it was in need of a coffee place. Then that led Julie to think, why not? Enid, who has experience from working in food service, thought, it’s possible. Before they knew it, they were going back and forth on ideas about their imaginary cafe.

And then one thing led to another, making their dream a reality. It wasn’t easy and they needed a lot of help along the way - but it was worth it! Julie, a coffee and tea aficionado, found that she enjoyed being a barista. Enid and Hana were content in the kitchen coming up with recipes.

Along with food, drinks, and top-notch service, another important thing to consider is the environment. Being someone who often hangs out at coffee shops to either wind down or get productive, Julie wanted the place to be able to convey that. It’s more than just a cafe, it’s a safe space you can go to when you need time to yourself or need to escape. So that’s why there’s two sections - the main floor where it’s bustling with activity and an upstairs where you can get some privacy. There’s also a bulletin board with various resources and hotlines for those who need help.

Three years on and Majestic Cafe is becoming one of the go-to places to visit in Willowdale. Julie and Enid have been featured in a lot of lifestyle blogs, podcasts, and vlogs - which is how I found out about Majestic Cafe. Also I enjoy hearing stories about people living their dream lives.

While talking about what lies ahead for the future, Julie said that they’re working with a mental health clinic and a homeless shelter. The bulletin board with resources and hotlines has helped a lot of people over the years so she wants expand on that. A number of people have said Majestic Cafe literally saved their lives because they happen to walk by the board and see a suicide hotline or domestic violence hotline. So the cafe wants to expand on that by working closely with the clinic and shelter to bring help to those who need it.

I’m so proud of Julie, Enid, Hana, and the Majestic Cafe team for their accomplishments!

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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ladyloveandjustice · 6 years ago

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Winter 2019 Anime Overview

I enjoyed every single one of the five anime I watched this season: Dororo, My Roommate is a Cat, Mob Psycho 100 II, The Promised Neverland and Kaguya-sama: Love is War.

So here are my reviews! I’ve cut back on the anime overview a lot, so these are shorter reviews than usual (though not quite as short at I’d like. someday I’ll be able to restrain myself)

Since I liked all of the shows, these aren’t in a strict worst-to-best order or anything, but the ones I found most impressive ARE nearer to the bottom. So let’s dig into last season’s anime.

My Roommate is a Cat

Premise: An antisocial writer in his early 20s adopts a cat and they both get their worlds expanded as they bond.

My take: Much like the kitty it centers on, this show is super cute, sweet and fluffy. If you’re a cat-lover and want to bask in some kitty adorableness, I encourage you to check it out. At first, I was afraid the main character Subaru’s grumpy misanthropy might be too much- I could certainly empathize with being socially isolated and avoiding people, but the way he was just rude toward others was grating. Fortunately, his character development is swift, so he quickly went from misanthrope to anxious-introverted-mess-who-awkwardly-muddles-through-social-interaction-for-the-sake-of-his-kitty, which I found EXTREMELY relatable. Subaru is coping with the loss of his parents and the fact he took them for granted while they were alive as well, so there are quite a few heart-string tugging moments.

The show’s central gimmick is that events will be told from Subaru’s point of view and then we’ll get his kitty Haru’s side of things. Yep, the cat narrates part of the show, which is how I knew I was in it for good. And Haru’s a very good cat! She’s adorable without being cloying, and at least realistic in how most of her thoughts revolve around food. Seeing her warm up to her hopeless human is just as sweet as seeing Subaru warm up to her. As a former stray cat, she has a rough backstory, so if even a restrained depiction of kitty death is too much for you, look out for that part. This show isn’t afraid to bring the feels, but it keeps things positive overall. Subaru’s friends are supportive and help a new pet owner out, and we even get a cute doggie in the mix. Overall, if you want a relaxing, nice watch with a simple, sweet story, you could do a lot worse than My Roommate is a Cat.

Dororo (Episodes 1-12)

Premise: Thanks to his father making a deal with demons, Hyakkimaru has to wander Japan and fight monsters to get his body parts back. He meets up with a young thief named Dororo.

My take: Dororo is a very loose adaptation of the 1960′s manga by Osamu Tezuka, who’s known as the godfather of manga. I was familiar with Dororo thanks to watching the live action movie for an article when I worked at epicstream (it must not have left an impression bc I remember very little) so I was curious to check this out. I ended up reading the manga too, and overall, I find it pretty impressive as an adaptation. It does a lot to make a really dated and incomplete-feeling manga more palatable and cohesive for a modern audience. Maybe I’ll do a full post expanding on those thoughts sometime, because the changes really are worth examining.

Dororo is definitely not for everyone- it’s a grim, dark show with lots of death and destruction.The story is especially not kind to women, who tend to die or be demons. The exceptions to this (such as a lady demon actually being presented as sympathetic) are mainly anime-original. Actually, while the anime eschews the original manga’s cartoon-y, jokey tone to be more serious, it actually has a much lower body count and more hopeful tone than the original, a contrast I find pretty interesting. But “more hopeful” is still not very hopeful. The story has pretty strong anti-war undertones and criticism of how authority exploits people, and there’s a lot of “these are the horrors of war” scenes and even a scene where Dororo witnesses a woman engaging in unhappy, reluctant sex work.

The premise of the story, a guy made up of mostly prosthetics on a quest to get his body parts and senses back, is also a dicey one in how it treats disability. The anime does at least make updates to the manga that lend the story a little more complexity on that front. In the manga Hyakkimaru can basically hear and speak through telepathy already and he’s portrayed as simply joyous whenever he gets a body part or sense back, despite not having a practical need for them.

The anime wisely jettisons the telepathy thing, meaning that Dororo and Hyakkimaru have some difficulty communicating, something that adds an interesting layer to the story. It means we find out about Hyakkimaru’s personality in bits and pieces alongside Dororo, going on a journey of discovery with him. And Hyakkimaru getting senses back is treated in a more realistic mixed-bag way- when he gets his hearing back, for instance, he has difficulty adjusting to it and experience serious sensory overload. It’s not really clear how he feels about a lot of things, much less the changes he’s going through.

Dororo himself is the heart of the show, really, and I find him to be really endearing and engaging as a character. His boundless energy and chattiness balance out the aloof Hyakkimaru, but he never gets overbearing or obnoxious. He’s been through a lot himself, and has a good heart. One thing worth keeping an eye out going forward is how Dororo’s gender will be handled. Dororo is afab, but in the original manga very vehemently lets everyone know he’s a boy. The anime also lets you know Dororo’s afab halfway through, but hasn’t really done much otherwise in exploring Dororo’s gender identity. I do think it’s unlikely we’ll get a handling of it as bad as the manga’s final chapters (Manga Hyakkimaru had a lot of strong, intrusive opinions about what Dororo “really” is that I think his anime version is unlikely to have based on his restrained characterization so far), but who knows.

Overall, Dororo is a nicely animated and well put-together dark action series so far. I’m not sure I would have ended up watching it if I wasn’t so interested in examining it as an adaptation, but the ride’s been pretty okay and worthwhile.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War

Premise: Miyuki Shirogane and Kaguya Shinomiya are the top students at their prestigious school, and heads of the student council. They also have a crush on each other, but both are too full of pride (and nerves) to make the first move, so they come up with schemes to trick the other into confessing. Hijinks ensue.

My take: Kaguya-sama is a wildly funny rom-com about two idiot smart kids who don’t know how to say how they feel. It’s mostly a really good time. There’s a lot of laugh-out-loud moments. The characters are a lot of fun, especially Kaguya’s friend Chica, who is pure chaos in human form and has some of the best lines in the show. The animation and direction of the show are also impressive and lavish, elevating already good gags into greatness. The finale also does that thing where it’s all suddenly surprisingly emotional and hits you really hard with all the feels, showing a little depth and true friendship among all the characters involved.

However,there are a few “yikes” moments, and the most uncomfortable one and likely the biggest deal breaker was the “Kaguya gets sick” arc, which happens roughly the last half of episode 9 and the start of 10. In it, we’re treated to tropes that are both really tired and really uncomfortable, like Kaguya being sick and her friend, for some reason???, tacitly encouraging Miyuki to take advantage of her in her weakened state. Miyuki does not, but Kaguya pulls him into bed and he falls asleep due to sleep deprivation (which is admittedly relatable) and when they wake up she believes for a time he did assault her and throws shit at him, at which point he whines about being villainized even though he “held back”.

During the next episode, Kaguya is ~secretly kind of upset he didn’t assault her because doesn’t he find her appealing~, a trope that really needs to die bc the myth girls “really want to be assaulted” is dangerous. There were a couple okay moments in the whole thing, like Miyuki deciding he should have shut the whole thing down more firmly and apologizing for an infraction, and since Miyuki didn’t cross a significant line it doesn’t ruin their relationship or make them impossible to root for or anything, but the whole thing is tired and gross and unnecessary and not all that funny. I was able to handle it because I got warned ahead of time, but it was a chore of an arc, so here’s my warning.

The Promised Neverland

Premise: Emma and her friends Ray and Norman are orphans being raised in the happy, idyllic Grace Field House. They’re never been outside it though, and there’s a wall they’re never supposed to approach. When Emma discovers the truth behind the orphanage, a tense thriller begins.

My take: I was looking forward to this one based on word of mouth, and mostly it doesn’t disappoint! The writing hooked me enough that I’ve picked up the manga to continue the story. This a rich story. It’s an intense game of cat and mouse between genius kids and unscrupulous adults where the stakes are super high. Emma and her friends pull out all the stops to outwit and escape the ones holding them captive, and the twists and turns of the narrative are delivered well. There’s also some social commentary buried under its horror to add some bite. This essay goes into how it comments on forced societal gender roles, for instance.

A thrilling plot can only shine thanks to its characters, and Emma is great protagonist. Her determination to save her family and unpredictable nature make her fun to follow. She’s a rare and refreshing example of a female shonen protag, and she sells that power of friendship stuff pretty well when she has the brains and skills to back it up. The three main kids balance each other well, with Ray’s cynicism and pragmatism contrasting Emma’s stubborn idealism, and Norman stands in the middle as someone who’s inclined to think like Ray but WANTS to be more like Emma. Despite the many conflicts and differences between them, these kids are ride and die, and the show does a good job selling their familial-friendship. A lot of the moments between them are truly heartwrenching.

The story has a big glaring flaw, though, and that’s Sister Krone and the racism regarding her. It’s not my lane, so please read Jackson P. Brown’s essay here for more info. The anime not only replicates the problem with her design but makes things arguably worse than the manga by making her personality a caricature as well. The anime portrays Krone as far more unhinged and exaggerated than her vindictive but more controlled and canny manga counterpart, even adding this weird thing where she rants at and beats up a doll. This review on episode 8 talks about the author feels the anime failed with sister Krone and his feelings on Krone as a black character well, it’s definitely worth a read.

While I have those issues with the anime’s choices, I was impressed with how the last few episodes were directed. They hit it out of the park, leaving me breathless, emotional and wanting more. Thanks to that, I’m now reading an enthralling adventure manga! This anime was definitely flawed but I can’t deny I’m interested in seeing how the second season will shake out.

Mob Psycho 100 II

Premise: Season 2 continues to tale of Mob, a ridiculously powerful psychic middle schooler. He’s in the employ of Reigen, a con-artist who has fooled many (Mob included) into thinking he has legitimate psychic abilities.

My take: Holy wow. Mob Psycho’s first season had some incredible animation, atmosphere and direction, but season two fires on all cylinders. I’m glad I caught up in time to experience the show with everyone else these last few weeks, because it was always a treat- a visual feast full of heartpumping action and lots of sincere emotion.

Mob Psycho is an animation extravaganza, with some sequences that wouldn’t feel out of place in a high budget movie, dripping with atmosphere, artistry and aplomb. But the story and characters are really solid too and it has some nice themes and messages at its core. Mob is one of the goodest good boys in all of anime and he grows a lot throughout this season. At the core of the show is the idea that no one is worthless and also no one is more “special” than anyone else, that having power doesn’t give you the right to put yourself above others, that no person is inherently superior or inferior to any other, that even if you’re born with some super talent, you still need to try to improve yourself, value other people and the things they can do that you can’t and work hard to live a balanced life. Being powerful or born with a talent doesn’t mean you have the answers or know better-so it’s all about striving to make good, compassionate choices and taking control of your own life.

There’s a lot of stories that pay lip service to themes like these without really doing much to back it up, but this show sells it with an earnestness that few manage. Mob is a quiet and gentle boy, and you genuinely believe it when he says he doesn’t like fighting or using his powers on other people, and when he breaks down in tears because for all his power he can’t figure out how to set someone on the right path this time, your heart aches. The fact that Mob actually has difficulty coming up with the right answers and will sometimes gets overwhelmed by emotion and loses control, but keeps striving for honest communication, makes his approach come off as a lot more believable than the typical shonen-hero-converting-bad-guys-with-a-confident-friendship-speech bit.

The character relationships in the show are also good stuff, particularly the relationship between Mob and Reigen, which develops a lot this season with Reigen having to grapple with how yeah, he’s been kinda terrible and dishonest, especially with this kid he cares about and there’s a point where people have enough of it. There’s a lot of nice growth there.

All together, Mob Psycho is just Good with capital G. I do wish there were more girls in it, and there is a dark skinned character who’s caricature-ish in his design (he barely shows up in this season iirc), but otherwise it’s a quality rec and breathtaking example of the truly transcendent heights anime can reach.

#winter 2019 anime #anime overview #Mob Psycho 100 #my roommate is a cat #the promised neverland #dororo #kaguya sama love is war #kaguya sama: love is war #kaguya sama wa kokurasetai #my reviews

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huntertales · 6 years ago

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Part One: It’s Called Nesting, Like Pregnant Women. (Trial and Error S08E14)

Episode Summary: After months of work, Kevin deciphers the demon tablet on how to close the gates of Hell. Sam, Dean and the reader learn in order to do so one must face three series of trails designed by God. The first one—kill a hound of Hell. Sam and Dean argue on who is to complete the trials. The reader wants in, too. Despite her vulnerable condition. When Sam learns about her desire, he gives her an ultimatum: stay out of the way. Or he’ll come clean to his brother about their shared secret. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 9,087.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

You didn't know the last time you went home, the place where you spent twenty years trying to make it something that it never really was, from a life that was long gone. You knew well enough this chapter of your life, living in Suburbia and with your only interaction with monster by researching them, was over. And you were okay with that. Before you let go for good you at least wanted to have a chance to have one last proper goodbye and scavenge through your belongings that were worth holding onto. You and Dean decided to head up and see what you wanted to take back and leave behind. The bunker was your home now. And did it feel good whenever you thought about it.

Most of the things you had an easy time of letting go was stuff like furniture you didn't really care for in the first place and clothes that you had long forgotten about and other articles that weren’t in fashion anymore. You wanted to get to the important things like the few pictures that you had of your family, books that were too valuable to leave behind and a few other things you knew would be heartbroken to part with. Somehow you managed to convince Dean into lugging out two very heavy boxes of books that were part lore you bought for when your sole job was research, thinking it might go well with the Men of Letters library. Along with a few collectibles your bookworm heart couldn't leave without.

You and him went through nearly all of your belongings, marking what was to be donated after you hired some movers to clear your things out and others that could be thrown out. Dean didn't complain about how much you were making him work. He seemed to have enjoyed the normal task. For the few days you spent together with him there was a change you never really seen in him before. He came across more...relaxed. Happy.

The both of you also spent the time enjoying one another's company the way you had felt newlyweds did. You were drunk on love and the future that you fooled yourself into believing for a while was going to end up fine. The two of you shamelessly said "I love you" more than you normally did. You shared long and romantic kisses that were split up between pecs here and there while you worked. The feeling was something that you never wanted to end, this positivity that felt refreshing.

Seeing Dean in such a good mood made you want to talk about the future of the family with him. About how it could turn into just the Winchesters if the both of you finally decided to tie the knot once and for all. And how it was going to grow from three people into four in the next handful of months. Right when the words were on the tip of your tongue...you pulled yourself back to the beginning. You didn't want to sabotage this moment you knew you were never going to get again. So you decided to wait. Again.

While you were in town delaying the inevitable news and cleaning out your house that you were still debating about putting up for sale, you knew there was one face you hadn't seen in person since coming back into your own state of mind. You had phone calls and video chats with Josh to keep in touch. But you hadn't seen him in person since he and the boys worked together in rescuing you from Crowley and your demon side. Luckily she was long gone. Along with your old neighbors that were Josh’s grandparents who passed away a short while after he thought you did as well.

When you contacted Josh to tell him you were in the neighborhood, he didn't waste a second heading over to see you again when he got a free moment. You knew you were going to be over the moon to see the familiar tall and lean figure when you answered the door after he knocked. The same rhythm like he used to when you were teenagers. Maybe it was your changing hormones or the happiness at seeing your best friend that made a few tears slip out.

The both of you embraced one another into a tight hug, squeezing him as if he was going to disappear again. Josh was different from the boys or any other friend you ever had. All though you were letting go from this part of your life, Josh had been dragged through this lifestyle without a choice, and he had been there for you through every step without hesitate

"Please tell me they're happy tears. I don't want to give the wrong impression. I mean, I would like to think Dean and I left on good terms." Josh was trying his hardest to be funny so he could lighten up the mood. All though you swore you could hear a hint of seriousness in his voice when he looked around for the man after you invited him inside. “Where is that guy, anyway?"

"He's upstairs packing up a few more things. We're hitting the road tonight, but I wanted to see you before we went." You said. You took a moment to see that your friend looked different from the last time you saw him from his new haircut to the clothes he wore. When you found yourself staring at him, you gave him another smile. “It's good to see you, Josh. I'm sorry that it's been a while since we’ve seen each other face to face.”

"Hey, don't worry about it. I know your life has been upside down and sideways. The fact that you still want me around is all that matters to me." Josh said. You gave him a bit of a funny expression, knowing there was nothing he did in the past that you hadn't done yourself before. It was Josh's turn to fall into a pause of silence when he got a good look at you to see how time treated you. "You look great, Y/N. Time off was the way to go."

"Thank you. But, to be fair, the last time you really saw me was when I was beaten within an inch of my life and had blood all over me. Not to mention I was missing a few things." You cracked a joke when you lifted your left arm and wiggled your ring finger. Josh noticed the faint surgical scar down your forearm as well, remembering you had also suffered a broken arm from that awful night. "I think anything from that is considered an improvement."

Josh gave you a playful dirty look from how you easily dismissed his compliment. "I'm serious. Something's different about you. But I can't put my finger on it..."

"Well, since I never see you, I guess it's better to tell you than for you to find out the hard way. Come here." You dropped your voice to a whisper as you moved to the kitchen so you were away from the staircase, just in case Dean overheard your conversation you didn’t even have with him yet. Josh's expression fell into nervousness from the way you were acting, making him wonder what you were about to tell him was bad news. "Relax. It's nothing serious. Well, it is. But nobody's dead. It's sort of the reason why I'm moving and going back to Kansas."

“What? Are you pregnant or something?” Josh’s guess was meant to be a joke, something he thought you would have brushed off with a scoff and an eye roll at his presumption. But that wasn’t the reaction he got. You stared at him with almost a stunned expression, as if he figured out what you were about tell him. The man found himself suddenly thrown through a loop. "Wait. I was kidding. I mean...Oh my God. You are, aren't you? You're really pregna—"

"Shut up!" You hissed at him, suddenly feeling yourself becoming overwhelmed with anger at how loud he was being. You whacked him on his shoulder to get him to be quiet as you quickly looked over to the staircase. Dean was nowhere to be seen. You let out a sigh of relief and looked back at your friend. Josh was staring at you, the ends of his lips stretching into a smile, eagerly waiting for confirmation that he was right. You rolled your eyes, and slowly nodding your head. "Yes...I'm pregnant."

You knew what you were doing, telling your secret to someone else that played a very important role in the process of how you got here, was very much wrong. But here you were again. Telling yet another person that wasn’t the father you were pregnant. The reason why you wanted to tell Josh was because you rarely got to see him. And you had a feeling the next time you might see him you would either be very much further along, or the baby would be learning how to walk. Josh seemed over the moon at what he was hearing, making you smile, the guilt weighing on your chest lifted itself for just a bit. "Let me take a look at you." Josh said. You weren't exactly showing just yet from how early you were still in your pregnancy, but there was a bump just big enough to make it seem like you were gaining a few extra pounds around your stomach area. "How far along are you?" “About fourteen weeks.” You said. You rested a hand against your stomach and stared down at the little creature that was supposed to be no bigger than a lemon from the app you downloaded to keep track of your progress. A smile crept at the ends of your lips. “This thing was a bit of a surprise. But a very good one." “Aren’t all surprises good? Well...in your case, not always. All though there is such thing as karma. And it’s about time you and Dean had yours. I’m so happy for you.” Josh found himself rambling on slightly before he caught himself, making you chuckle quietly from how he could be. He couldn’t help himself when he embraced you into another tight hug, the both of you staying there for a moment, celebrating this announcement the way it should be. “I bet Dean is over the moon about being a dad.”

You felt your smile beginning to fade at the mention of something Josh had presumed, baby's father right away. Maybe a little while after getting confirmation they were in fact carrying. But not you. You always had to make things more complicated than it should. "Yeah. About that...I may or may not have told him yet."

"Wait, wait." Josh chuckled to himself, thinking what came out of your mouth was very much a joke. But the now serious expression on your face told him you weren't. You were very much telling the truth. "What? How—Why? Does anyone else know? Please don't tell me I'm the first one you're telling. It took me forever for Dean to like me.”

"Remember in 'Friends' where Rachel got pregnant and everyone found out except for Ross? Well, that's kind of my situation. Everyone knows...except Dean." You explained to him in the best way you could. But it only ended with Josh staring at you with even more of a bewildered look. "Okay. Here's how it went..."

You told Josh about everything from the very beginning of how you found you were pregnant; it started with the morning sickness and other symptoms that felt out of place. Crowley calling you “Queen” when your nickname had always been Kitten that got the ball rolling on this entire situation. It was Cas who broke the news to you that you were in fact carrying, and Sam finding out after he grew suspicious of your odd behavior that you tried denying. Only coming clean soon after when he wanted to leave to go with Amelia. And while you had every chance to tell Dean about the fact he was going to be a father, you chickened out. Every. Single. Time. Everyone knew that you were pregnant, except for the father. Josh might not have known Dean all that well, but he knew enough that he loved you no matter what. If you were happy about becoming a mother, in time, Dean would grow to be excited. It was just the matter of telling him. "Hey, babe. Do you know where the tape—Oh. Hey, man." Dean came downstairs without making a single sound, taking you by surprise. He spotted Josh and, for the first time you felt since meeting him, he greeted the man with a friendly smile and shook his hand. "Good to see you. Y/N told me you were gonna be here.”

“Yeah. I was in the neighborhood. Thought I would swing by.” Josh replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Y/N was telling me about what you guys have been up to. Sounds like you landed a pretty cool place to live in.” “Cool doesn’t even describe this place. You need to see it for yourself. I’m sure you and Sammy would geek over the library they have.” Dean said. You saw a smile spread across the older Winchester’s lips when he talked about the bunker, his entire face seemed to have lit up. You found the heavy duty tape he was looking for and handed it off to him. He gave you a smile and gave you yet another quick kiss on the lips, mumbling a thank you. "Hey, since you're here, mind helping me bring a few boxes to the car?"

Josh was more than happy to agree. You watched as the both of them headed upstairs to get the remaining things that you were going to keep. You found yourself standing in the middle of the kitchen for a long minute, suddenly pondering on the fact that you were really moving on. No more house to have as a safety net. No more old life you had to hold onto. You let out a sigh, reaching for the locket that was once your mother’s that you wore every day. “I know you wanted me to stay here and have a normal life. I know you wanted me to be safe, too. And I will...just not here, Mom. There’s too many bad memories. But don’t worry. I found something better. We'll be closer to Dad, too." You talked to the ghost that died here in this very house that haunted you for years at the hands of a demon who took away someone you loved. Who made your life hell. But he didn't destroy it. You let out a sigh and pressed a hand against your small baby bump when you heard footsteps making their way down the stairs. "Let's go, kiddo. To our new home."

+ + +

Dean had to be a little bit honest with himself, the idea of not sharing a room together with his girlfriend like a normal couple seemed like a bit of a downer. He liked falling asleep next to you with your body pressed against his, the reassurance of knowing you would be there tomorrow morning to greet him. And he liked the little things you did that he grown to think of little quirks. But he was starting to warm up to the idea of having a bedroom to call his own because it meant he it was his.

He could decorate it however he wanted, rearrange the furniture to his liking. There was a space in this bunker where he could call his own. All of you were together under the same roof for the first time ever, and yet, you had your private space when you needed to be alone. Like a proper family. But you and Dean still bunked together every single night. Since being here for the past few weeks a little game came out of it. Stay in his room because it was closer and you fell asleep while watching movies. Dean sneaking into yours when you texted him early into the evening wanting some "alone time" after you were supposed to have retired to bed early. It wasn't what Dean imagined, but this version was a lot more fun for him.

“Well, well. Look at this place.” Your voice came from behind, making Dean look over his shoulder to see you were standing in the doorway of his bedroom, taking a look at what he accomplished since last night when the both of you got back. You examined the array of weapons he used as decorations on the walls and other sort of things he must have went out and gotten himself. You stepped inside, going for his record collection that had been collecting dust in your basement years. A few of them looked brand new, which meant he must have went out and did himself a little shopping while you were unboxing everything you had brought back.

Dean was almost done decorating his room, there was just one more thing he needed to do to make it feel perfect. He pulled out his wallet from his back pocket of his jeans to take out a small piece of paper that fit perfectly inside. You wondered for a moment what it was until you saw him place it underneath the desk lamp. It was a photograph of him when he was just four years old with his mother, Mary. One of the only pictures he had of his late mother he could cherish.

You felt your lips stretch into a small smile at the sight of Dean as a little boy, knowing you had almost no pictures of him in his childhood years. He was an adorable child that grew up to a handsome man. You felt your smile growing just a little bit bigger when you saw him place another picture down next to the one of him and Mary. It was the one of you and Dean that was taken right when the both of you just started dating. While you were pissed off when you saw the flash go off, there was no denying the love captured in the moment between the both of you.

"There. Now I will always have the two most important women in my life together.” Dean said. You knew seeing him take out and place one of his most prized possessions was a sign that he was officially comfortable settling down here. "What do you think? Not bad, huh?”

"I think...I like this side of you." You admitted to him. You walked over to him and nestled yourself into the crook of his side, resting your head on his chest and looked at the pictures for a moment. Dean draped an arm around your waist to push your body closer to his. "I would have never pegged you as the domestic and homey type. You know, it's kind of a sexy look on you."

"Really, now? Well I'm about to become irresistible. You can watch me make some lunch. And who knows," Dean wiggled his brow as he gave you a mischievous look you knew all too well. And what he meant by it. "Maybe we can have a little fun—"

Right before you and Dean could finish your little fantasy of spending more alone time together, the moment you were having at the moment was stopped when you heard someone clearing their throat loudly, announcing their presence. Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance as you looked over to see it was Sam who was leaning against the door frame with a slight smirk on his face, catching the both of you. Sam moved his gaze around the room to see the decorating his brother had done to the bedroom. He had to admit it looked pretty decent. And very much Dean.

"Wow." Sam muttered, sounding rather impressed. "Not bad."

"'Not bad'? I haven't had my own room—ever. I'm making this awesome. I got my kick ass vinyl, I've got this killer mattress." Dean took a personal offense at his little brother's compliment that did little justice for the hard work he put in. He sat down on the edge on his bed, and the smile that broke out on his face made you chuckle at how adorable he was. "Memory foam—it remembers me. And it's clean, too. There's no funky smells. There's no creepy motel stains."

Sam raised his brow slightly, half-listening to what his brother was going on about as he took a piece of gum out from his jacket pocket and popped it in is mouth. He tried tossing the small crumpled up foil wrapper into the trash that was across the room, but he missed, hitting the rim and watched as it fell to the ground. He shrugged it off, presuming his brother wouldn't notice. But Dean did. And the pissed off look on his face made it clear he wasn't too happy.

"Samuel. You heard what your brother said. This room is clean. Pick it up." You pretended to sound like a strict mother, pointing to the small crumbled up wrapper on the ground. Sam threw his hands up in defeat and walked to the garbage to properly clean up after himself. "Not like it's gonna stay like this for very long."

Dean gave the both of you an annoyed look from how your sarcasm caused his brother to smile ever so slightly in amusement. "I'm gonna go make some grub."

You followed behind the man a second later, leaving Sam alone to inspect his brother's room with a little more detail. There was all sorts of weapons decorated on the walls that somehow seemed to complement the fifties style furniture that was left behind in the bunker. His brother wasn't the type of person who knew how to settle down and make himself comfortable, but he was always a fast adapter. Sam looked down at the desk, spotting a manual typewriter and dusty office supplies, along with a wallet size photograph of their mother. A smile crept on the ends of his lips when he noticed the photo was accompanied by a picture he'd taken himself, that was followed by an earful from the happy looking couple.

It might not be a traditional home with a backyard for a child to run around in, there wasn't even windows to look at their surroundings, but it was better than anything he could want. It was perfect to settle down to raise the future Winchester/Y/L/N generation that would be here in the matter of months. It was safe and a perfect hideout for hunters to rest their heads. And most importantly, it was yours.

+ + +

One of the things you instantly feel in love with about the bunker was the extensive library you and Sam still had to explore more of to see what the Men of Letters had on lore. You had many more books to find a place for after you cleaned out your house with no intention of going back. There was a few boxes already occupying one of the tables that awaited your sorting and another one in your bedroom that you decided to keep for decoration. Your focus was occupied by one of the books that Sam pulled from the shelf to read over. And that's how Dean found you, the both of you with a nose in your book, too engrossed to hear him coming with lunch like he promised not too long ago.

You found yourself breaking your concentration when you inhaled a breath, catching a whiff of something that made your stomach feel queasy. Your nose scrunched up when you recognized the smell as to be hamburger along with cheese. All though the smell bothered you before when you found out you were pregnant, suddenly it felt worse than ever, to the point where you had to stop yourself from telling Dean to get the plate away from you after he set it down in front of you.

“What are you guys reading?” Dean asked, setting down his brother’s plate right next to him.

"Sort of everything." Sam said.

"Good. Somebody's gonna have to dig through all of this, and it ain't gonna be me." Dean said, smiling at the lack of help he was willing to provide and took a seat at the next table to dig into the meal he made.

Sam pushed aside the book to start eating the food his brother made that looked good. And too appetizing to be frozen or fast food. He lifted up the bun to inspect the craftsmanship and how good it smelled to him. "You made these?"

"We have a real kitchen now." Dean said.

"I know. I just didn't think you knew what a kitchen was." Sam replied. "And, you know, Y/N didn't help you from burning the place down."

"I'm nesting. Eat." Dean told his brother, not wanting to hear another word from the man until he got a taste of the food. Sam decided to see if it was good as it smelled. He grabbed the burger and took one bite, his brother intently watching him to see his reaction while your face grimaced slightly from how he could eat something that smelled God awful to you. Sam muttered a happy reaction from a mouth full of food. Dean broke out into a victorious smirk. "You're welcome."

You were happy to see the boys were enjoying their first cooked meal in the bunker, but it was taking everything in you not to tell them to stop. You tried to gain the willpower to at least take a bite of the burger, but if you did, you feared you'd get sick. So to compromise with yourself you grabbed the bun and ripped off a piece to eat. "Why aren't you eating, Y/N? Is there something wrong with it?"

You flinched when you heard the sound of Dean, obviously catching you pushing away the plate and the uncomfortable look on your face. You looked up at him to see that he was a little concerned as to why you weren't eating. You opened your mouth slightly, suddenly feeling like a deer in headlights, knowing there was only two outcomes that tell him why you weren't eating. Either tell him the truth. Or simply say you weren't hungry at the moment But that wasn't the case from what came tumbling out of your mouth to try and cover your tracks.

"I'm a vegetarian." You blurted out, catching both of the boys by surprise at what you came up with. Dean set down his food, seeming a little taken back at your change of diet that seemed out of the blue. Sam looked at you a bit funny, and the expression only grew more when you dragged him into this. "Yeah. I decided I don't want to eat anymore dead animals. It’s inhumane. Sam told me about this documentary he wanted to see. Well, I watched it, and now...even the smell of meat makes me sick. I just can't do it anymore."

What you said wasn't an exact lie, the smell really did make you feel sick. Just for the wrong reasons. You watched as Sam gave you a look from how you dragged him into this while his brother processed the fact that you changed your eating habits once again.

"You don't drink anymore, you barely have coffee. And now you're not eating meat? If I didn't know any better," Dean said, only to momentarily take a pause that made your heart stop in your chest, fearing the next set of words that were to come out his mouth was the truth you’d been keeping from him. "I would think you've been hanging around Sammy too much.”

"Sure. Let's go with that. While you boys enjoy your burgers," You grabbed the book you've been reading and began making your way to the kitchen to find something for yourself. "I'm gonna go eat something that doesn't make me want to vomit."

You made it halfway across the library until you found yourself stopping in your tracks, curious as to who was calling Dean when you heard his phone go off. He rolled his eyes in annoyance when the person was calling him right before he could enjoy his food. The caller was Kevin after Dean spoke the prophet's name a few times after him grow silent after only speaking a few suspicious words. A cautious look settled on your face as you pressed the book against your chest. Kevin almost never called you unless it was something important. The annoyed look on Dean's face was clear enough for him to think that it had Crowley's name written all over it.

Dean grabbed his plate and began making his way back to his bedroom, knowing he could eat his food while out on the road. Sam got out of his seat and followed behind his brother, but he couldn't quite part with his food, grabbing the burger to snack on while he got ready. Knowing that you would be making a trip to Garth's boat house, a sudden craving hit you out of nowhere, the burger reminding you of some fast food you had while around town. When you got cravings, even the oddest ones you ate in secrecy, it wouldn't leave you until the baby got what it wanted.

"Hey, on the way to Kevin, do you think it's possible we could make a pit stop? There's this diner that has the best fries. Oh. And what about a milkshake? That sounds really good..." You found yourself mentioning something that sounded a bit insensitive to the situation you were dealing with right now. Kevin was in possible trouble, and you wanted to stop for a snack. You smiled slightly, trying to backtrack. "I meant...on the way back. Obviously."

Dean gave you a look, wondering what was going on with you. You brushed past him and made your way to your bedroom to get what you needed, hoping he'd forget about the conversation all together. The same way you hoped you could forget about your cravings, and not get sick during the ride to Kevin from the smell of the burgers that somehow was lingering around the bunker. It was gonna be a rough six and a half more months until this baby came.

+ + +

Dealing with any kind of progress of prophets, tablets and closing the gates of hell had been silent for months now. There seemed to be no kind of improvement from the last time Dean checked up on the kid to make sure he was still breathing. Your mind went to the worst case scenario when Kevin called out of the blue. Either he worked himself to death, or Crowley was eager to get the other half of the tablet. The son of a bitch had been awfully quiet since the last time you saw him, it wouldn't surprise you if he had been spending that time working up a plan.

You and the boys approached Garth's boat house with caution, all though it seemed quiet like the last time you'd been here, you always had to presume the worst. Dean headed in first with his brother following right behind. You lingered in the back as usual, holding the demon knife as a precaution. All of you checked the boat to make sure the place was clear of any threats, and while it was, you still had yet to find the person who called you in the first place.

It was Dean who had the fortunate task of finding the kid, face down in the toilet, throwing up whatever he had this morning. You peaked in slightly to make sure that he was somewhat all right. You grimaced at the sight of Kevin with his face in the toilet bowl, knowing that position a little too well over the past several weeks. He might be a little sick and looking awful from the last time you saw him, but he was alive. And had some very exciting news to share. You were more concerned about his well being than the reason why you were here in the first place.

“Wow. You look like hammered crap.” Dean wasn’t sugar coating it for the kid. Kevin agreed that his appearance was a little more dishshelved than normal while he took care of a bloody nose.

"Are you sleeping?" You asked the younger man. Kevin shrugged, replying that he really wasn't. Your face dropped into a slightly annoyed look from the lack of care he was willing to put in on himself. His mother might not be here to scold him, but you were willing to give him an earful on what he should be doing. "Are you at least eating?"

"Hot dogs, mostly." Kevin said.

"Sure, yeah—breakfast of champions. Look, I'm gonna feel dirty saying this," Dean decided to give the kid some advice that normally would never pass his lips. But he felt it was necessary before he put himself into an early grave. "but you might want a salad and a shower."

“I know, and I’ve been getting bad headaches and nosebleeds, and I think I maybe I had a small stroke. But it was worth it.” Kevin said. You furrowed your brow slightly, wondering what was so important that he nearly caused himself bodily harm on his health. You were ready to tell him to slow things down and take some time for himself, but the words seem to fall flat when he told you the news he’d been wanting to tell you. Kevin got up from his seat, smiling as he pointed to the half of his tablet that he'd been studying for weeks. and spoke the words that you had only dreamed about hearing. "I figured out how to close the gates of hell."

You felt your lips stretching into a wide smile, the kind where it started to hurt your cheeks after only a few moments, but the pain was well worth after hearing the news come from the man. It felt like it was all too good to be true. Dean couldn't help himself but celebrate the exciting news by going over to the prophet and giving him a tight hug, even lifting the kid a few inches off the ground. He momentarily regretted the decision, getting a whiff of the kid’s body odor.

“Okay, okay. So, what does this mean?” Sam asked, getting all of you to focus and not celebrate just yet before you could find out what all of you needed to do. This was only the beginning of accomplishing your goal. “What are we looking at?”

“It’s a spell.” Kevin explained to all of you. You raised your brow slightly from what he meant by that, following him to his wall full of notes and research he gathered over the past few months he’d been working on translating the tablet. “And it’s just a few words of Enochian, but the spell has to be spoken after you finish each of the three trials.”

“Trials, like ‘Law and Order’?” Sam wondered if that was what the kid meant. He grabbed the index card from his brother to see what the spell was that needed to be said in order to complete this supposed spell.

“More like Hercules. The tablet says, 'Whosoever chooses to undertake these tasks should fear not danger, nor death, nor...' a word I think means getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for all eternity." Kevin said. Well, it wasn't exactly glamorous as one might expect, but you had dealt with your fair share of torture through the years. "Basically, God built a series of tests, and when you've done all three, you can slam the gates of hell.”

“So, what,” You sarcastically asked. “God wants us to take the SATs?”

“I guess.” Kevin said. “He works in mysterious ways.”

"Yeah, mysterious, douchey ways." Dean remarked before getting down to business. “All right. Where do we start?"

"I've only been able to crack one of the tests so far, and it's gross." Kevin said. You were prepared to do just about anything to get started on this project you heard about since you got back. But even for you, what you were about to hear made your stomach churn. "You've got to kill a hound of hell and bathe in its blood."

“Awesome.” Dean didn’t seem to have a problem with the task head on. Hell, it seemed like he was willing to do it right now if he had the chance. You found yourself looking at him with a slightly confused expression for his eagerness, and why he thought it was him who was going to do the trials. "Hey, if this means icing all demons, I got no problem gutting some devil dog and letting calgon take me away."

“Where are you gonna find one?” Kevin asked.

“Well, hell hounds like to collect on crossroads deals. So all we got to do is track down some loser who signed over his special sauce ten years ago, get between him and Clifford the big dead dog—easy.” Dean said. His confidence about completing a dangerous task overshadowed the enemy he was going up against. You had faced a few hell hounds in your time, and most of them ended with someone getting torn to bits.

“Doesn’t sound easy.” Kevin said. Sam mentioned that it wasn't going to be, but his older brother didn't seem to want to hear anything negative or realistic about the challenge he thought it was him who was going to go up against.

“Look, you get on the net—see what you can dig up. I’m gonna go for a supply run because we need goofer dust, and the kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses—not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Dean said. You scoffed quietly from the man’s food palate that made you grimace at the thought of even going even anywhere near that kind of meat. You were having his baby, and for some reason, it was rejecting the things he loved. Of course...you were still craving that greasy food and sugar fix.

+ + +

There was nothing a good change of clothes and a shower could fix. You and Sam worked on finding a possible lead while Kevin gave himself much deserved R and R, coming back looking a little more alive and smelling a hell of a lot better. While you were happy that he was feeling a lot better, there was still the talk you wanted to have with him about taking things slower. Maybe it was because you wanted to see him survive all of this and not end up dead. Maybe it was because his mother wasn't here to talk to him and set the kid straight. Whatever it was, you knew that he couldn't keep going on like this for much longer.

“Hey, Kevin, buddy, you got to slow down.” You approached the topic when you saw him reach for his cup that you knew for sure had to be filled with coffee, the helper to all hard working people that didn't like to sleep. Kevin found himself staring at you with a confused expression, wondering what you meant. "Get some shut-eye. Take a day off. Open a window.”

“No.” Kevin’s response wasn’t what you or Sam expected. You furrowed your brow from the way he was acting. “You said nuking hell—that’s how I get out. That’s how I go home.”

“Right, it is,” Sam agreed with the younger man on that point. “but you can’t live like this.”

“You think I want to? I hate it here. I can’t leave because every demon on the planet wants to peel my face off. I can’t talk to anyone expect you guys or Garth, when he swings by, or my mom. Right? And when she calls, all she does is cry.” Kevin couldn’t help himself but air out all the challenges and circumstances he had to adapt to since becoming a prophet. You and the younger Winchester gave him an understanding look, knowing it had to be tough. “I just...I need this to be over.”

“We know. We do. You have no idea how much I want all of this to be done. But trust us on this—this whole 'saving the world' thing—it's a marathon, not a sprint." You told the younger man about how much more tougher than it was. You’ve dealt with this once before, and it wasn’t going to be solved in one day. This was just the beginning of your problem solving. "You got to take better care of yourself."

You could only hope Kevin would take your words to heart and slow himself down a little bit before someone else were to take his place. Your attention lingered away from the kid when you heard the door open, revealing Dean with a bag of groceries in one hand for Kevin, and your food that you were craving before coming here in the other; an order of large fries with extra salt, along with a milkshake to give yourself a sweet and salty treat to satisfy the baby’s needs. You didn’t give the man a second to get very far before you fetched your food out of Dean's hands, mumbling a thank you from how he remembered.

“Did you know that there are like, six thousand kinds of tomatoes?” Dean asked. You knew he wasn't a frequent lurker in the produce departments at grocery stores, you entertained his question with a curious look while you dug into your food. "Did you guys find anything?"

"Yeah.” Sam said, turning his attention to his laptop to pull up the victim that was about to add a little more time to their deal. “Demon signs, ten years ago, all centered on Shoshone, Idaho."

“Okay, well, big-time mojo means a big-time freak. So, anybody have a horseshoe shoved up his ass?” Dean asked the million dollar question.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Sam chuckled to himself. He turned the laptop around to show you and his brother the family that got lucky the most sinful way possible, selling their soul for greed. “Meet the Cassidys’, small-time farmers who struck oil on their land in February of ‘03. Which is weird because geological surveys—”

"Yeah, you had me at 'weird.'" Dean said. "All right. We thinking deal?"

“Best lead we got.” Sam said.

"Well, let's go visit the Beverly Hillbillies. You stay here, work on step number two, and if you come across anything about hell hounds, drop a time, okay? 'Cause between the claws and the teeth and the whole invisibility thing, those bitches can be...real bitches." Dean gave the prophet another task that might help all of you in the long run and not go stabbing in the dark for the hound. Before he forget, there was something that Dean also picked up from the store that might be helpful. He pulled out two bottles from the bag and gave them to Kevin. " I got you a present. The blue ones are for headaches, and the green ones are for pep. Don't O.D."

Dean thought he was helping Kevin by giving him all sorts of pills that looked unsafe to be used in double dosage with one another. He had enough health problems as it is, and his brother was cautious to let the kid play around with medication. When Sam voiced his caution on the matter, Dean brushed it off as nothing, thinking it was time for all of you to push through the pain if you wanted this job done right. You weren't exactly in agreement with what Dean said, but Kevin was a smart kid, you were sure he'd be able to mix the medication without overdosing.

+ + +

Hell and demons were always a sore spot for you; from having your entire life ruined by one, to selling your soul to one...and, you know, being born as half one made you grow to detest the place and everything that crawled out of it. When you first heard about being able to lock away the evil that destroyed your life more than once, it felt like a dream come true—the kind that you thought was never going to be possibility that you were going to reach it. But here you were, knowing exactly what to do, and how to complete the first trial. All you needed to do was kill a hell hound and roll around in its blood, seemed simple enough. A little dangerous, but possible. And you had every intention of being a part of it.

“Are you kidding me? You can’t do this!”

There was someone who didn't share the same confidence in you as you did, despite everything you accomplished while you were pregnant. You went up against vampires and demons, Nazi necromancers and someone who could shape reality to make it a cartoon world. A hell hound was just another monster you could handle. Sam didn't think so.

You knew the way you were acting when Sam suggested for you to stay behind, yelling on the top of your lungs and following behind the boys like their shadow, was childish. Your anger only grew worse when Dean agreed without hesitance. You weren't allowed to take part of the trials because you were considered a "safety hazard." Aka, this was Sam's way of keeping you on the side lines. The very thing that you had wanted to take part of—and he was benching you. Every logical part of your brain was telling you to agree. But you couldn’t.

“Yes, we can. It’s too risky for you tag along.” Dean said. You gave him a look of disbelief from how he was handling this situation and not defending you. Time and time again you proved yourself you were capable of handling a dangerous hunt, but ti seemed that Dean didn’t want to take a chance. “We’re not the ones who put a damper on Crowley’s plans to crack open Purgatory and killed that demon bitch he worked mighty hard to get out. I’m sure he’s got every demon and hell hound looking for you already.”

“And he doesn’t want to see you two dead?” You questioned him. “Crowley hates you much as he hates me. Hell, probably even more from the crap you two pulled while I was gone.”

"You could get hurt." Sam reminded you about the danger you would be putting yourself in if you decided to come along. You threw daggers at what he was saying, knowing it translated that the baby could be put in danger, too. Like you didn’t know that. "Besides, we need someone to hold down the fort when we're gone."

You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, letting out a frustrated sigh. "It's not fair.”

"Life ain't fair, sweetheart.” Dean said, trying to make you understand. You gave the man a dirty glare from his words that wasn’t helping your bad mood. “Sam's right. It's too dangerous for you to be out there. I wish things were different, but this is how it's gotta be.”

You turned your head to the side when you saw Dean lean forward to give you a kiss goodbye, presuming your bad mood was a sign of defeat. He let out a sigh, choosing not to leave himself hanging, he gave you a quick peck on the forehead before he made his way out. Sam watched as his brother began heading up the staircase and to the front door with the supplies they would need for the trip, he lingered behind for a moment. You slowly looked over at the younger man, and the dead serious expression on his face.

"Y/N, look," Sam spoke up first, wanting to clear the air and set things straight before you could twist his motives into a whole other reason. "I'm not doing this because I don't think you can't handle yourself. I'm doing it for—"

"Let's get one clear, Sam. I'm pregnant. It does not translate into me suddenly being helpless..” You told the man, cutting him off before he could speak another word. "I would understand your concern if I was ready to pop or something like that. But I'm barely even showing yet. I don't see why I can't even tag along to help."

"Because, it's dangerous." Sam reminded you, his voice growing harder. “I can’t risk it.”

"I can still fight." You shot back at him. "Hell, I've saved your ass once or twice along the way."

"That's not the point, Y/N!” The younger Winchester found himself accidentally snapping back at you from your way of thinking. “This isn't proving yourself that you're still capable of being a good hunter. This is about keeping you and the baby safe."

"And you know how i'm gonna do it? Making sure we close the gates of hell properly." You said. Sam rolled his eyes in frustration from how you weren't letting yourself seethe consequences if you were to hep take part in this hunt. You were too focused on running to the finish line. "Besides, you've never had a hell hound on your ass before. You don't know what to look for.”

"True, but I kinda got a pretty good clue after the first time. I saw you and Dean go through it all those years ago. And I really don’t want to have to see it again. You know going up against one is more than just a suicide mission on yourself.” Sam said. He didn’t want to put this image in your head, even thinking about it made a sense of dread rush over him, but he knew it would be a possibility if you went along. He had to instill some kind of fear in you. “What if you went up against one and it went for your stomach? Do you want Dean to find out that you were carrying his kid like that?”

You felt yourself taken back at how brutal he was being right now, planting a thought in your head that made you subconsciously rest a hand on your small bump, as if you were trying to protect the baby from that outcome. "That's not gonna—"

"We don't know that, Y/N. And I don't want to have to think that might be a possibility. I want this kid to be safe much as you. Hell, I'd do it right now if it meant you were okay. But that's not gonna happen if you tag along." Sam said, trying to make it clear as day that you were a safety hazard he didn’t want to keep an eye out for. And he’d do anything to make sure you wouldn’t get involved. "I'm warning you now, Y/N. You try to go anywhere near this..."

"What are you gonna do?" You asked him, almost in a taunting tone of voice. "You gonna lock me up?”

"No. I'll leave that to Dean. After I tell him you're pregnant with his kid." Sam replied calmly. Your face dropped in shock at the sudden willingness to tell a secret you've been wanting to hide for a while now. "I'm sure he'll get real creative."

"You wouldn't dare." You whispered, hoping you could somehow call his bluff on his subtle threat. Sam shrugged his shoulders, proving from the look on his face that he was ready to do just about anything. Even if it meant stepping over his boundaries and the trust you put in him for the sake of being the winner in this argument. "You're such a bastard. I swear, you breathe a word of this to him—and I'll hate you. Hell, I'd probably never forgive you."

"You know what? I don't really care, Y/N. I'd rather have you hate me for the rest of my life than end up dead." Sam said. You scoffed from his response and looked away from him, already starting on your plan to beat him to Iowa. Sam was one step ahead of you when he pulled your car keys out from his pocket, the only thing that he thought you had access to the outside world. "There should be enough food to last you a while. Read. Watch some Netflix. Nest. Do whatever pregnant women do. We'll be back in a few days. If you need something, call Garth."

You watched as Sam grabbed the duffel bag he would need for the trip and the keys to your car that was parked out front of the bunker next to the Impala. He thought you were honestly going to listen him. And maybe he was right about something. It was a suicide mission if you went up against a hell hound. There was a chance you might get hurt, or worse, die in the process of closing the gates of hell. Which meant everything that you got—the bunker, falling pregnant with your first and only child, getting married to the man you loved...could be gone. Just like that.

But there was a part of you, much bigger than the logical side telling you to stay out, that was urging to you to take part of the trials. To do right of everything that you did wrong. You might be human, but there was still so much that you felt was your responsibility to fix. It was those stupid little "What if I did this instead..." that was suddenly running through your mind. For a moment you wondered if doing the trials could be your saving grace. A chance to wash the slate clean for everything you did wrong. There was no way you were going to pass up this chance.

A few minutes after the boys headed off, you were packing a bag and making a few phone calls, all while searching for keys to one of the cars you found in the bunker's garage. You knew one thing for sure, if anyone was going to do the trials, it was going to be you.

[Next Part]

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mariposalass · 5 years ago

Text

A Moment into Forever

Summary: A friend and an adopted brother join hands in marriage in early July, and Mari couldn’t be any prouder of the two.

Notes: It’s the Love Beyond Magic wedding, and you’re invited to read this story along. Here’s a quick reference masterlist related to the wedding event: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Also, huge shout outs to @husband-of-lucoa, @moonkiss-kid, @jenny-snoopers-world, @jaklovemail, @self-shipping-angel, and theselfshippingwitch (I can’t seem to tag you properly for some time) and their f/os for the guest cameos in this story.

Setting: Zellerbach Garden of Perennials at the San Francisco Botanical Gardens in San Francisco, California and Mari and co.’s house in Daly City, California; July 7, 2019

Tags: crossovers, Love Beyond Magic, self shipping, fluff, wedding, guest cameos, few mentions of character death

Morning arrives at the Tan residence one July Sunday, there is so much activity to get the last minute things done: from setting up the backyard for the reception to getting some of the food cooked to the bridal party needing to get ready for the big day. The ladies (Issa the bride and bridesmaids Mari, Kairi, Hermione, and Issa’s old friend Mona Roque) had their makeup and hair done by some friends led by Michiru Kaio in the master bedroom on the ground floor while the guys (Harry the groom and the groomsmen Ahkmenrah, Kirby, Ron, and Issa’s old friend Samuel Hidalgo) got ready inside in what will be Harry’s former room with Kirby on the second floor (the couple would move into the master bedroom after their brief mini-honeymoon out of town). There are exchanges of encouragement and stories and a bit of shenanigans here & there, but it went all smoothly.

After everyone got ready and got dressed, Mari and Kairi escorted Issa out to the porch at the now mostly decorated backyard of the house for the first look and bridal party photo shoot. The girls, the bride wearing an ivory spaghetti strap blouse, a long blush tulle skirt, and black chunky heels, whereas the two bridesmaids (along with Mona and Hermione) are dressed in embroidered blush dresses, chatted for a bit about what is going to happen. Her hands are tightening their grip onto her pink and white floral bouquet out of nervousness, although her face didn’t show that much at all with her trying to remain calm before the first look and bridal party shoots.

“So, today is finally here,” Mari spoke up first, “The day you two are getting married.”

“Absolutely, sis,” Kairi smiled before turning her attention to Issa, “Harry is so going to be floored once he gets down here to see you. I mean, we managed to hide your outfit for a couple of weeks without him catching onto it yet. He’s usually the one who couldn’t his nose away from any secretive stuff.”

“Gee, thanks guys, we all need it,” the slightly nervous bride thanked her soon-to-be sisters in law, “Come to think of it though: I’m just as surprised as you two that we hid it so well, he didn’t even bother to ask us.”

“Not a problem,” Mari noted, “I guess we did it so well indeed.”

“I can’t wait to see his reactions to you in a top and skirt rather than a dress,” Kairi giggled at the thought of her older adopted brother having dropped jaws upon seeing his future wife in a different outfit than he had imagined from the white lies they have given onto him for the last couple of weeks.

“Well, dream harder, Kairi,” Issa rolled her eyes a bit with a shrug, “I’m placing bets that he’s going to wear his eyeglasses all day long and forgetting to fix his hair for today.”

“Quick, everyone, the groom’s coming!!!” Mona’s panicky voice soon alerted everyone that Harry’s about to go to the backyard porch, sending everyone to hide from his line of sight.

“We need to go before he catches us,” Mari told Issa as she and Kairi went back inside to the master bedroom.

“Or else,” Kairi chimed in.

“Okay, girls, just don’t heckle at him on your way out,” she reminded them in advance.

Both girls nodded as they went back inside, leaving Issa alone to have some peace and quiet before he shows up. Good Lord, it’s been nearly a decade when they first met? Nearly a decade of dating has come by and it was so surreal to think that it would lead to this moment.

The memories were coming back to her in flashbacks in a film: the first awkward meeting, Harry’s major heartbreak from breaking up with Ginny and disowning his canon realm, the first awkward date, bonding over their hatred for tight enclosed spaces, the upset that she has to go college and get a job at the newspaper company they work for ahead of him, countless times of flirting with each other, a couple of times they would argue and yet make it up afterwards, the multiple dates and trips together, the many sleepless nights working on articles and races against the deadlines, that little engagement surprise at Ron and Hermione’s wedding a few months back. It must have taken a few minutes to go over them, but it felt like an eternity for her.

Just as memory lane keeps running in her mind, a familiar English male voice soon woke her up from its trance, “Hey, I thought about of dropping by before the whole thing starts. Just to, you know, not to get so tense about the day ahead of time.” Issa turned around and she was quite happy to see that he was there: the man she’s going to tie the knot with, the brother of two of her dearest friends. Harry James Potter looks absolutely dashing on today: his bangs have slicked back with gel, he managed to sneak in contact lenses (again, but he’s getting better at wearing them in a near daily basis nowadays), the scar has been partially concealed with a little bit of concealer, and this is so un-Harry-like as if the guy was trying too hard to look good for her. But still handsome nonetheless.

And like the rest of the guys who’s not Kirby, he’s wearing an ivory white dress shirt, gray dress pants, and brown shoes, finished with a layered owl feather and gold-tone wiring buttonhole. Unlike the rest of guys though, he does have a suit jacket on that matches the pants in color & fabric where the buttonhole is attached onto and a blush tie that compliments her skirt.

She was totally floored by the whole look he has pulled off, and she couldn’t help but to blush hard behind her hand. Harry, on the other hand, was stunned by how lovely Issa is as well: to be honest, he was expecting her to wear something more white and in a form of a dress if you asked him beforehand, but the top and skirt combo is quite a welcoming refresher from the amount of white dresses he has seen on brides in many of the weddings he, Issa, Mari, Kairi, and, yes, even Kirby have went to in recent years.

Her hair has been styled into a messy bun with braids, the makeup was done well for even amateur standards (thanks in part of Michiru’s clever skilled hand), he could even sworn that he could sniff some of the perfume she usually has on, but beyond that, it probably has to do with the sweet elegant aura and grace she always gives off that makes her unorthodox bridal outfit more stunning in his eyes in a good way.

“I see that you decided not to give up on the old locket for the big day as well,” he admitted to her when he noticed that the silver heart locket necklace she usually wears being a stand out from the other pieces of jewelry that are in gold before solemnly pondering on the significance, “Perhaps your cousin would’ve love to be here to see this day happening if she was still here on Earth.”

“Yeah, I wish Serena was here to see us getting married,” she smiled back while holding back the tears with the mention of her late beloved cousin bringing back old memories before bringing up another thing near and dear to his heart, “She was unfortunately ill for most of her life, I afraid. I guess the same can be said for Uncle Sirius and your parents if they weren’t, you know, killed off too soon, right?”

“Same, same,” he agreed as he too tried not to shed so much tears before the ceremony could even begin.

As the two were finishing up on the remembering the dead, they soon got distracted when they overheard giggling and cheering from their friends and family: including the bride’s parents and relatives coming in from the Philippines and the entire fam bunch & circle of friends with a co-worker of theirs taking the pictures as discreetly as possible. Issa’s dear old best friend Jenny and her feline detective husband Snooper are also present along with their respective families and with some new family members, including a pair of genius tech prodigy brothers and a friendly bear & his bird lady friend.

What surprised the groom the most was that some of the people he knew did actually travel from the UK to Daly City via San Francisco. He was surely expecting that many from his neck of the woods not to come besides Ron & Hermione who arrived a few weeks ago to help out in the last stages of planning and Sayeko, Levi, Erwin, Mike, Zoe, and Levi’s father Roland who had agreed to come to the event, even especially with Ginny understandably choosing not to go not as to rub things between them on the wrong way, but seeing Remus, Tonks, and Teddy being at the house before heading for the ceremony is more than welcome. The last living Marauder gave Harry a warm hug, Tonks kindly gave him a few words, and Teddy happily proclaimed to everyone present that Issa will become his godmother upon marrying his godfather, which actually everyone giggling and laughing at the coincidence.

And the most surprising of them all was that his biological cousin Dudley Dursley of all people arrived from his current place at Manchester, England to California out from Mari’s invitation and Luna was there as well. He’s well aware that he and Dudley have made amends and still sending correspondence over mail and calls & that these two are dating each other for some time, but the fact that both of them are here in one sitting has flooded him with gratitude that he hugged Mari tightly out of happiness Dudley even admitted he was worried about coming to the wedding in the first place out of fear, but Harry does appreciate the effort he and Luna made to come over nevertheless.

After the bridal party and family pictures have been taken at the backyard, everyone headed out to the San Francisco Botanical Gardens and into its Zellerbach Garden of Perennials for the ceremony. The garden within a city park is already filled with a diversity array of plants and flowers from around the world that wasn’t necessary to decorate the whole place like crazy (and also to comply with state & city forests and parks rules), but there’s a small ceremony table under the gazebo shade and a God’s Knot set with three differently colored ropes hanging onto a small ring which in turn is hanging onto a wooden peg. There’s also a park ranger on hand as accordance to the rules. Because both fathers on both sides have leg injuries, both sets of parents choose to sit down before the ceremony begins.

After some moments of quiet talk and waiting, the ceremony begins: the first one to walk down to the gazebo was the Doctor, dressed in black & white and carrying what appears to be a rolled up scroll of psychic paper, then next came Harry trying to not worry so much as he headed for the gazebo on his own, the first 3 sets of groomsmen and bridesmaids went down in pairs (Ron & Hermione, Mona & Sam, and Kairi & Ahk) went next with the ladies carrying black lanterns in lieu of flowers, and Mari soon arrived, a black lantern on one hand and a wagon carrying Kirby on the other, walking down towards the gazebo while Kirby waves and squeaks out ‘Hi!’ at people as he guards the wedding bands inside a small box.

As Mari walked, she could see a couple of guests smiling back at her: Dylan, Palutena, and Lucoa are there with their ever-growing clan of children (the threesome waved at her when they caught her attention), Oaklyn is also present alongside Jade (who’s trying not to visibly tear up too soon) on the right side next to the grass ‘aisle’, Sayeko and Levi are not too far behind along with Erwin, Mike, & Hanji and Roland is also present, not wanting missing his late friends’ child’s big day, Jords is also present with Tess, giving her two thumbs up, Snooper and Jenny, together with their respective families, are on the left side of aisle, giving her a friendly wave, then there’s Violet and her fiance Jonah Heston, both of them gave her a warm encouraging smile.

Once the bridal party settled down on their seats and people’s talks began to quiet down for a few minutes, Issa comes out of the entrance of the garden, bouquet in her hands and wide grin on her face. Everyone watched on as she went down the aisle on her own and approached the gazebo where the ceremony is about to start. When she got near to it, Harry decided to go down the steps to meet up with her; both of them then got the other’s hand and went up the gazebo before facing the Doctor who is already prepared for this very day.

The whole ceremony begins as the Doctor unfurls the scroll of psychic paper (but it was actual written words on it unlike its predecessors, he must have modified it for this day) and begins to talk to the crowd present, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the garden heart of the City by the Bay to witness the marriage between these two young persons...” He then turned to speak to the couple and spoke, “Harry, Issa. The fact that we’re all here with you today as you make a commitment and start a new chapter in your ever-growing love story and it has formed an intersection in all our lives and it wouldn’t been made possible if your souls haven’t met nearly a decade ago.”

The Doctor continued on his talk for a bit, asking for remembering the loved ones no longer present, daring people if they don’t want the marriage to happen (no one actually did), and then he asked Mari to do a reading of a poem they had picked before he picked up where he last left off, “A marriage is a voluntary and full commitment, made from the deepest sense to the exclusion of others and entered into the hope and desire to last for a lifetime and beyond that. Before you can declare your vows to each other, I would ask you two that you confirm that you’re intending to marry each other today. Now face each other and join hands?”

Both man and woman turn to face each other and join their hands as the Doctor began to ask Issa first some important questions, “Issa, do you come here freely and with no reservations to give yourself to Harry in marriage? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only onto him forevermore?” She bravely and calmly answered back, “I do, Doctor.” He then turned to Harry asking the same thing, “Harry, do you come here freely and with no reservations to give yourself to Issa in marriage? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only onto her forevermore?” He also reply the same way she did earlier, “I do, Doctor.”

The Time Lord asked for Kirby to bring up the wedding rings and the little puffball dashed in, holding a small wooden box towards the Doctor and offering it to him. Kirby squeaked ‘Poyo, poyo,’ as the Doctor gives him a cheeky little smile and picks up the box from his stubby little arms. Opening up the box reveals two gold rings: one was a thin ring with a curvy v-shape central arc studded with diamonds, the other was a sleek number with an elevated satin brush finish and polished bevel edges. The rings were then blessed by family, friends, & guests present before the Doctor picked them up & gave a ring each to Harry & Issa and the rings are exchanged among the couple themselves.

The Doctor then starts the next part of the ceremony: The God’s Knot unity ceremony. Harry takes the ring of rope strands from the peg on the wood board and holds onto it as Issa braids the three strands together while the Doctor goes on explaining their significance & symbolism. Once the bride was done braiding the strands with a knot, they went to sign off the all paperwork and the Doctor proceeded into making a quick charge to the couple before finally concluding the event by saying, “Alright then, by the powers vested onto me by the powers that be and the cities of San Francisco & Daly, I can finally declare you two as husband and wife. Harry, you can now...”

He wasn’t even done finishing his sentence when he saw the two finally kissing as a married couple, this quick smack of lips from the now married couple actually gave him a good chuckle, the three of them knew that people are getting impatient to get to the reception by this time. Finally, the ceremony was done and everyone present cheered on as the newly wedded Mr. and Mrs. Potter get out of the garden to have some alone time and soak in the moment.

The backyard has decked out for the dinner reception: not too fancy, but still sincere and sweet as the couple didn’t want all the silly trappings of a normal wedding in their own. Tables were spread out with the dance floor right on the middle and a lounge area besides it, a makeshift photo booth made by Kairi and Karina is also in place with a ton of props and accessories to choose from, the dinner buffet table and drinks station were stationed on the porch for easier access, and some games are available for guests to play with. Dylan’s butler Edgar and Belle’s neighbor Mrs. Potts oversee the catering service with the food and drinks made by a couple of the guests and wedding party members who offered to help in.

As everyone settles in for the party, lights began to light up as the sky enters into the dark night and, since all tables are positioned for everyone to get a good view of the dance floor, guests couldn’t help but to gush and admire the newly wedded couple dancing to Ne-Yo’s Miss Independence. After the first dance, those wanting to dance the night away are more than welcomed to the dance floor and many surely did like the soon-to-be-wedded Hestons, Oak & Jade, Jords & Tess, and Dylan & his goddess wives. Some of the guests who weren’t into dancing still have a fun time playing games, chatting to other guests, have a great dinner, and taking a ton of photos at the photo booth. Some of the bridal party also chatted with some of the guests. Even Kirby enjoyed himself doing his famous Kirby dance in one segment with two other copies of himself as backup dancers, which got everyone going aww and admiring the adorable puffballs’ dancing.

Now by this point, people were expecting a bouquet toss from the bride anytime soon, but for many single Filipinas, this was a major nightmare: being asked to catch a bouquet is like the kiss of death and they won’t have any of this bouquet toss nonsense, not even Issa’s remaining female cousin Nicola was looking forward to it. But unexpectedly, the bride already made her decision: instead of making all the single ladies to catch her bouquet, she called in Mari to the dance floor and gave her bouquet to her instead. This random act of kindness did flustered Mari by a ton, and it touched her so much, considering she WAS the one who got her best friend and her adopted big brother together in the first place.

After a long flustered speech and being socially awkward to a fault, the assistant librarian went back to her seat and was greeted by Philip who was sitting next to her even before the bouquet honor. He looks rather impressed by her talk despite being understandably nervous in front of the public.

“You did well over there,” he kindly praised her speech conviction as she settled down back to her seat.

“Gee, thanks,… Pip,” she blushed in between words.

“Don’t feel too flustered, my dear: everyone here thought it was really good,” Philip replied back before he soon realized that she was able to say his usual nickname, “By Jove, Mari. You managed to muster the courage to use my nickname without fear.”

“Uh… I actually did?” Mari’s eyes widened up in shock.

“Oh yes absolutely. But I’m not mad at you for saying it, I’m actually quite flattered,” he smiled back before he continued a little bit, “Oh, I think I might have something for you ahead of your birthday as well.”

“Yeah, what is it?” she was getting a little confused of his last sentence before her lips were greeted by his in contact; the reaction was of shock, joy, and feeling rather amused.

“Whoa, what was that for?” Mari gasped with her right hand cupping her mouth in surprise, her face turning red in disbelief.

“Now that, Mari, happens to be a kiss,” he cheekily winked back at her.

Unbelievable, her first kiss in Harry and Issa’s wedding. The feeling didn’t sink in her mind yet and she has not that many words to describe this beyond she found it quite estatic. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of Philip, or Pip, or whatever you want to call him as, until Uncle Gru informs everyone that it’s time for the bubble send off and everyone grabs their bubble tubes and circles the couple around as they head off to their mini-honeymoon (the big one will have to wait for later) out of town. After a quick countdown, all the guests start blowing bubbles at Harry and Issa while they walked out of the house and into the car for the trip.

With that one chapter finally recorded in her mind, Mari couldn’t help but to feel happy for both of them so much, knowing that they will have many great years ahead of them and their future no matter what the past and fate told them otherwise. And there is another thing that is also crystal clear: her future with Philip is also looking rather just as bright as the backyard string lights and lanterns that lit up the sky that night…

The End

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

Text

Race, Brand and the Placebo Effect

by Dan H

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Dan rambles on the vague theme of Racefail~

This is an article about race, but it's going to start off being an article about shampoo.

I have, on occasion, had trouble with dandruff, and as a result have needed to purchase shampoo to deal with this affliction. In my second year of university, I ran out of shampoo, so I went to the local Co-Op and picked up a bottle of Head and Shoulders.

It wasn't until I was on my way back home with my purchase that I realised that the only reason I had chosen that particular brand was that I had been seeing advertisements for Head and Shoulders for as long as I can remember, so that in my mind “anti-dandruff shampoo” was linked with the Head and Shoulders brand on a fundamental and inextricable level.

This was something of an epiphany for me, because it finally made me realise that advertising does not work the way I thought it did. I had assumed, and I think most people assume on some level, that advertisements worked my making you see the advertisement and immediately want the thing advertised. Some adverts do (particularly ads for food or drink if I see them when I'm hungry or thirsty) but that's usually secondary to their main function, which is to get into your head on a subconscious level and make you associate a particular need (anti-dandruff shampoo, a cool refreshing drink, a boost to your fragile self-esteem) with a particular product in a positive way, so that your choices and actions are influenced without your even knowing it.

And it works. If I am generically thirsty and not making a conscious effort to drink more fruit juice, or actively wanting a particular type of drink, I'll buy a coke.

What's even more interesting about this phenomenon is that it works even if you are aware of it. I know that a big part of the reason I drink coke, eat fast food, and shop in Sainsburys is that I've been influenced by advertising, but I carry on doing them anyway because most of the time people don't make informed decisions about things, we just go with our first instincts and our irrational impulses, even if we know they're wrong.

The same concept shows up in all kinds of places. It shows up in the pharmaceuticals industry, people find shiny red pills in bold, brand-name packaging to be more effective than nondescript white pills in generic grey packaging. We respond instinctively to visual cues, and we don't know we're doing it.

I bring all this up, because one of the many semi-irreconcilable controversies that came up during the whole Racefail debate is the dichotomy of race-as-physical-appearance versus race-as-cultural-identity. Heck, the whole thing basically started as a direct result of Elizabeth Bear saying you should write non-white people the same way you wrote white people, and some other people respectfully disagreeing.

Essentially there's two problems. The first is that most characters – particularly most protagonists – in genre fiction tend to be white (and tend to be men). The second problem is that most invented cultures in genre fiction tend to be based on either medieval Europe, modern America or horrendous stereotypes of non-European cultures.

The argument can be made that the latter problem simply can't be addressed by white American or European authors. Hell, it could be argued that it can't be addressed by non-white American or European authors. Nobody can ever really shake off the preconceptions of the culture they were raised in, and you can never really understand a culture that isn't your own. You can know stuff about it, but no matter how much anime you watch you can never know what it's like to be Japanese.

The first problem, however, can be addressed by white, American or European writers, and should be. Again the argument could be made that, particularly if you're working in a created world, race is kind of an arbitrary choice and so is ultimately meaningless. This argument is half-right. In a created world, race is purely cosmetic, but it's cosmetic in the same way that the colour of a headache pill is cosmetic. It's the sort of cosmetic that gets in your head and changes the way you think.

It all comes down to the nature of racism (or, for that matter, of prejudice in general). Prejudice is a lot like advertising: people think that it's all about big, obvious things. You see an ad for coke, so you go out and buy a glass of coke, a black man applies for a job, but he doesn't get it because the guy who interviews him is a big fat racist who hates black people.

I'm going to go off on another tangent here and talk about

Captain Planet

was a well meaning kids cartoon that took an endearingly multiracial gang of kids and had them fight villains who represented various ecological issues through the power of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Heart, which together allowed them to summon Captain Planet, who would lay the smackdown on evil villains who wanted to wreck the environment for no clear reason.

My mother really didn't like it.

She didn't like it because she thought it was dangerous to present the idea that problems for which we are all responsible (like pollution) are caused by single “villains”. I kind of think she was right.

I get that you can use a villain to personify something that is “part of all of us” (man) but I think it's actually hard to pull off in practice. Most of the time, personifying a social problem as an unambiguously horrible villain just sends the message that there are “bad people” out there who are polluters, racists, or whatever. This is why Whedon's cardboard misogynists piss me off, this is why the pseudo-Nazism of the Death Eaters was so annoying to me. Pollution doesn't happen because some guy in a cape decided to tip toxic waste into the sea for fun, it happens because guys like me can't be arsed to turn out heating down in the early summer.

The same kind of goes for racism. We all like to think that racism exists because of other people, that somehow there's some kind of rogue group of twenty or thirty hardcore racists out there who are between them responsible for all race issues everywhere, from the lack of Chinese characters in Firefly to the lack of decent Kosher butchers in Oxford. In fact racism exists because racist attitudes are pernicious, self-perpetuating, and all-pervasive.

There's a lot wrong with the Avenue Q song Everyone's A Little Bit Racist (it frequently sounds like it's using that statement to excuse racism rather than examine it - “ethnic jokes are so uncouth, but we laugh because they're based on truth” umm, no they're not, guys). It is, however, an important statement of fact. The reason that a white person is more likely to be hired for any given job than a nonwhite person is not because the person giving them the job is a cartoon racist, sitting there saying “no, I will not hire a filthy mudblood” it's because the person giving them the job is affected by racism on a level so fundamental they don't realise they're doing it. Just like you pass over the store-brand coke for the one in the red-and-white can you have been taught your whole life to associate with a cool refreshing beverage, so you pass over the guy (or woman) who doesn't look how you have been taught your whole life to expect a lawyer/teacher/investment banker/data entry clerk to look.

The really scary thing is that I catch myself doing it. I do, in fact, pay less attention to the opinions of my non-white and female friends. Even though I know that most of them went to Oxford and many of them have degrees in subjects that are actually directly relevant to the the topic of conversation. It's weird as fuck when you catch yourself doing it, just like when you catch yourself unconsciously reaching for a can of coke instead of a bottle of lemonade, or buy Head and Shoulders instead of a cheaper or more effective shampoo.

It all comes back to branding.

Now okay, you can make the argument here that I'm just passing the buck, and to a degree I am. Ultimately my attitudes, my purchasing habits and my behaviour are my responsibility, but they are influenced by the surroundings I grew up with. There isn't a causal link, I don't listen to my female friends talking and think “gosh, I remember this one TV show I saw had a woman on it who didn't know what she was talking about, therefore I won't listen to this person” nor do I think “well Willow knew what she was talking about, so this person must too”. I just have instinctive responses to things which are coloured by the society in which I was raised.

To put it another way, just imagine for a moment that Harry Potter had been a black kid. Of course first you need to get over the fact that it would then be a book about a black kid who gets rescued from his abusive black family by a kindly white guy, but if we assume that Harry was black and the Potter books weren't written in such a way that “Muggle” was effectively a racial slur. You would then have a situation in which the single most recognised fictional character in the world was a black kid (not only a black kid, but a black British kid). It would be huge, just like it was huge the first time they let an actual black guy play Othello. It wouldn't matter in the slightest that Harry Potter didn't listen to hip-hop or talk about Malcom X or use “urban” slang or do whatever else it is that white people seem to think black people have to do in fiction to properly represent “black culture”. The simple fact of the most popular fictional character in the world having black skin would have been huge. It would have changed the way a generation of children thought about race, and it would have changed it for the better. It wouldn't have been a miracle, it wouldn't have abolished racism overnight, but it would have done more good than any three government initiatives you might care to name.

Of course, if Harry Potter had been black, the book might not have sold at all, but that's a whole different problem.

Themes:

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 23:19 on 2009-03-31This is really interesting, Dan! The comparison between unconscious racism and branding makes a scary amount of sense. (And you are right about the "Potter" books, as well.)

But the fact that SF/fantasy often seems more racist than other types of lit is another problem entirely, isn't it? A friend and I were discussing this when racefail happened - the link is here, if you're interested.

http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/40140.html

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http://viorica8957.livejournal.com/

at 00:31 on 2009-04-01(I keep getting an error message when I try to log in, so I'm using OpenID)

It's a pervasive problem, and one that is worsened by the fact that so many people refuse to acknowledge it. I was arguing with my mother about racism recently, and the argument she kept falling back on was "But don't you see how much has changed since the sixties? There's a black president! There's no segregation! Things are so much better!" It's a defense people use to ignore their own buried racism- "

I'm

not a Nazi/KKK member/skinhead, so clearly

can't be racist."

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Sonia Mitchell

at 03:20 on 2009-04-01

Even though I know that most of them went to Oxford and many of them have degrees in subjects that are actually directly relevant to the the topic of conversation.

I'd love to bristle more at that than I am, but much as I hate myself for it that's a bit of branding I end up buying into. Whenever my mum says I'm studying in Oxford I have to add 'Brookes, not proper Oxford' just to make it clear I'm not attempting to ride on coat-tails.

Anyway, interesting article. Whenever I'm staying for any length of time with advert game co-players (guess the advert on tv before the product is named) I find myself much more aware of how many don't mention the product until right at the end. Building up the atmosphere/message first and then linking it to the product, cementing it in people's minds on a less conscious level after a few repeated viewings, seems to be the way a lot of things are done.

Which, as you say, is exactly what makes these attitudes harder to spot - they don't come ready labelled.

Mary-j-59 - that was an interesting read, thanks.

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Guy

at 05:30 on 2009-04-01I think a really interesting example in relation to this question is the original series of Star Trek. For anyone who isn't a total nerd and therefore doesn't know this already, part of Gene Roddenberry's idea for Star Trek was that in the far future, all of our silly, parochial attitudes about race and gender and nationality and so on will have been resolved and looked on much like we look on witch-burnings or the crusades or whatever; we will have gotten over it and it'll just be a bit of ugly but quaint ancient history. And on this basis, he wanted to have a multi-ethnic crew, with men and women in equal positions, and, most importantly, for them *not to make a big deal out of it*, with "episode of the week on gender equality" stuff happening.

Of course, for any of us who watch an episode of Star Trek now, this is a pretty laughable conception of what's going on, because the most important person on the ship is Captain Kirk, a white American male, who is pretty much defined by his adherence to an ideal of American masculinity which is very much "of its time". Meanwhile, he's surrounded by a crew of other white men who are primarily distinguished by their funny accents... and Uhura, who essentially is a telephone operator wearing a very, very short skirt. So from the point of view of making a judgement about whether or not this represents a successful embodiment of Roddenberry's vision, we would stamp "FAIL" all over it in big red letters.

However, I remember seeing a documentary a while ago (possibly "Trekkies"? Anyway...) which mentioned that Uhura was the first black woman on television (either in a regular part or at all, I can't remember) and various well-known contemporary black women talking about how exciting and how important it was for them to see a black woman with a speaking part on TV. By contemporary standards the part seems incredibly sexist and virtually definitive of the whole "token black character" phenomenon, but compared with the standards of the other things on TV at the time, it was very progressive.

So I guess what I'm saying is, people making well-intentioned efforts to move the discourse forward are actually good and important, even if they fail in all kinds of ways to live up to the ideal of what they intend to attain or represent.

In terms of fantasy fiction, I think the clear beacon showing how the representation of people of other "races" (I have to put the scare quotes because I'm one of those who believes the term "race" is not a good descriptor of anything) can and should be done is Ursula le Guin's Earthsea series. Ged is not just a "white character with dark skin", but nor is the culture he comes from depicted as some horrible stereotype of an existing earth culture. It may be the case that in 50 years time people will look back on Earthsea and find it just as gauche as we find Star Trek now, but for the moment I would say it is the gold standard. It's also rather unfortunate that there doesn't seem to be much else around that is even trying to achieve that standard, but... "90% of everything is crap", as they say, and with genre fiction that is probably, sadly, an understatement.

Lastly (I hope that I don't break ferretbrain with such a long comment!) on the "everyone's a bit racist" question, I think there is a grain of truth in that statement but taken at face value I would disagree with it. I think... in my own case, I grew up in a suburb of Sydney where I never saw a black person at all, on a day-to-day basis. In fact, the only black person I knew was my grandfather (who is/was an Australian Aboriginal - but the genes are "dilute" enough in my case that I look absolutely white) who I did not see often. And so as a consequence I think I had all kinds of unconscious ideas about "other races" that I didn't really think about... I guess I didn't have any real sources of information beyond books and TV and lectures at my very left-wing school that took the form of "Don't be racist! For real!" (which were well-intentioned but I think were in their form a bit stupid, rather in the way that Captain Planet is a bit stupid).

Anyway, when the family moved to England we moved to a suburb (and I went to a school) where there were a lot more non-white people around, and I discovered that... a lot of my ideas had been really dumb, as well as being rather unformed. And in some sense, if you were to spell out those ideas in words, you would probably conclude that they were indeed racist ideas and that therefore I was "racist", despite all my intentions to the contrary.

But... I also think that it was that exposure to the actual people that broke down and changed those dumb ideas. And it remains my conviction that all the well-intentioned talk (or even, clever and subtle argumentation and explanation) in the world is no substitute for encounters with real people for breaking down prejudices based on ignorance. I suppose, to go back to your Shampoo analogy, it's kind of like this: the world may be full of explicit, overt messages telling you to buy a certain shampoo, and those overt messages may be supported by hidden and hard-to-unearth ideologies (bright packaging indicates a superior product to those in bland packaging!) but once you actually put the shampoo in your hair, it either works or it doesn't. (There may of course be an effect whereby those social messages cause you to undermine or misunderstand your own experiences, but this post is already waaaay too long...)

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Gina Dhawa

at 07:46 on 2009-04-01@Guy regarding Star Trek - I entirely agree. There is a lot of fail with regard to the depictions of race in TOS, but as a product of its time, I give it a lot of credit. And about the gender imbalance, it's very interesting that he was specifically told to drop the female second in command from the pilot episode if he was ever to get the series on air.

@Dan I've never been entirely convinced by the argument that a white author can't write non-white cultures, particularly in SF/Fantasy. OK with writing aliens and vampires and wizards, but can't write a black man? Right. I think the key thing people forget is just to have a

awareness

goes a long way. Doesn't go the whole way to fixing the problem, but it's a good start.

In the case of culture, it isn't a case of understanding truly everything about a culture that isn't your own, it's about respecting that culture and not treating like the exotic other. I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, but hell, if I wasn't to write about a culture other than mine then I have no idea

what

I'd ever write.

Even though I know that most of them went to Oxford and many of them have degrees in subjects that are actually directly relevant to the the topic of conversation.

I will bristle at that, thanks.

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Arthur B

at 08:27 on 2009-04-01

But the fact that SF/fantasy often seems more racist than other types of lit is another problem entirely, isn't it?

I suspect a lot of this boils down to people using particular ideas or tropes developed by the grand old racist authors of the past without really thinking about where the tropes from and why they are doing it; all they know is "this is the sort of thing that happens in the SF/fantasy stories I like, so they're going to happpen in the stories I write."

For example, it's perfectly possible to enjoy Robert E. Howard's Conan stories in a non-racist way: you simply have to skip the ones which are just blatantly horrible, and treat the others as an inversion of colonialism, in which the simple beliefs of a "primitive" outsider prove to be more powerful and enduring than the hypocrisies of so-called "civilised" people.

There is nothing in this scenario which

requires

that the outsider be a white man from an analogue of Northern Europe, or the corrupt civilisations he encounters have to be Mediterranean/Middle Eastern city-states. But hundreds of Howard imitators, and even more folk who have been unconsciously influenced by his stories, make that assumption every time they use the idea. And that's racist.

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Andy G

at 10:18 on 2009-04-01"For example, it's perfectly possible to enjoy Robert E. Howard's Conan stories in a non-racist way"

I wondered about this recently when I was reading H.P. Lovecraft - whether we really can "read in a non-racist way" - as Dan says, it's not a matter of racist individuals, but of pervasive racist attitudes in society as a whole. Can we actually manage to remain a detached attitude where we're conscious of how terrible the "racist bits" are while still enjoying the "good bits" on their own grounds? Or are we just deluding ourselves that we're not just indulging a little bit in some unpleasant ideas?

I think you're spot on though about modern authors not reflecting on the dubious assumptions they take from older authors. I especially felt that about Olaf Stapledon.

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Andy G

at 10:37 on 2009-04-01Oh and there's also a great example

[here]

of the Captain Planet approach to complex world issues.

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Shim

at 10:58 on 2009-04-01

I suppose there's a bit of difference there, because if I wrote about aliens (or heck, even from an "alien perspective") there's little to no chance of aliens lambasting me in the Sunday papers about my ignorance and stereotyping. Also, because they're not real, there's no objective reality that my writing would fail to reflect. A lot of stories basically take White Middle-Class Anglo-Saxons and jiggle them a bit to make them vampires or wizards (sometimes, especially for wizards, these people are 'Celts' in an unspecified way that is hard to distinguish from WMCAS).

On the other hand, if I try to write about or from WMCAS female experiences, the fact that women actually exist means my writing can be objectively inaccurate. Same for, say, writing about Indian culture. So I think the fact that there is a whole deep, complex culture there that the writer doesn't understand is a real problem; while more understanding can mean they write more convincing stories, you can end up with the situation where people understand things just enough to make massive generalisations, or inaccurate depictions that convince the foreign readers but not the natives.

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Rami

at 11:24 on 2009-04-01

OK with writing aliens and vampires and wizards, but can't write a black man? Right.

Indeed, I've always found that particularly grating. Mostly that no one seems to even make the effort. And situations like RaceFail can make it worse for white authors who mean well and would like to make the effort but are scared off because the Wrath of the Public might descend on them.

My favorite line from "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" is

♫ If we all could just admit / that we are racist, a little bit ♫

because I think it strikes toward the heart of a sensitive issue in pointing out that pretty much no one is free from racist ideas -- and if we admit that to ourselves and make a conscious effort, things could be a lot better. Lots of people mistakenly

equate racism with blatantly racist speech or actions

(warnings: PDF, racefail), after all.

For example, it's perfectly possible to enjoy Robert E. Howard's Conan stories in a non-racist way

I was thinking vaguely along these lines recently as well, when I picked up

Triplanetary

, and had to put it down after only a few pages because it was so full of the unconscious attitudes of the 30s and 40s. It may be a classic of science-fiction and have inspired half of the current generation of SF writers and editors, but the racism and sexism were a bit too much for me. It distresses me that, as Arthur points out, lots of modern writers have doubtless picked up a few of the tropes because they "really liked it in the Lensman series" and completely obliviously dropped them, scheming dark-skinned villains and helpless blonde damsels included, into their own work.

think the key thing people forget is just to have a awareness goes a long way. Doesn't go the whole way to fixing the problem, but it's a good start.

Absolutely!

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Rami

at 11:28 on 2009-04-01

massive generalisations, or inaccurate depictions that convince the foreign readers but not the natives

IIRC, that kind of thing was at the root of the whole RaceFail imbroglio -- when people did exactly that, but refused to admit it.

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Arthur B

at 11:34 on 2009-04-01

Can we actually manage to remain a detached attitude where we're conscious of how terrible the "racist bits" are while still enjoying the "good bits" on their own grounds?

We'd better learn to, otherwise that's everything from before 1950 down the memory hole...

Or are we just deluding ourselves that we're not just indulging a little bit in some unpleasant ideas?

Firstly, reading isn't condoning. You can read, and even enjoy, something written by someone you disagree with and still disagree with them afterwards; I really like Gene Wolfe but I'm not going to convert to Catholicism just because there was a nice mass scene in

The Book of the Short Sun

Secondly, if the stories have any merit at all there's going to be something more to them than just bigotry. Yes, Lovecraft used the fear of the outsider a hell of a lot. But the fun thing about that particular fear is that it's always going to be with us, and HPL had a clever knack of turning the fear of the outsider into the fear of the outside itself. When Lovecraft was writing about how threatening he found immigrants (

The Horror At Red Hook

) he was being horrid; when he was writing about how the entire universe beyond this placid island we call Earth is a cold uncaring void that is completely hostile to any life that even resembles us (

The Colour Out of Space

) he was being visionary. It's not always easy to divorce the cultural xenophobia from the cosmic vertigo - they're written by the same man, they have the same experiences and agendas shaping them - but I'd submit that it is possible.

Thirdly, there's plenty of Lovecraft and Howard where racism just isn't a factor, or is only a factor if you try hard to look for it.

The Tower of the Elephant

and

At the Mountains of Madness

spring to mind.

I honestly don't think that reading Lovecraft or Howard is necessarily going to feed anyone's inner racist unless they actually

want

to be influenced that way ("Oh man, I totally agree with that but I could never say it in public..."). It helps that they lived in a time when many people simply didn't know better; it doesn't excuse them, but it does mean that both the attitude of the society they came from and their own personal quirks are well-known and out there for all to see. As Dan points out, it's not the individuals who you can identify as being racist bastards who are the problem a lot of the time (although they're usually the ugliest symptom), it's the people where you don't necessarily see the subtext, perhaps because they themselves aren't aware of it.

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Rami

at 12:00 on 2009-04-01

You can read, and even enjoy, something written by someone you disagree with and still disagree with them afterwards; I really like Gene Wolfe but I'm not going to convert to Catholicism just because there was a nice mass scene

Depends how much you disagree with them, I guess, and how evident that is in the text. I agree you can't dismiss an author entirely because of their attitudes, since as you say there's got to be something other than bigotry -- but if the bigotry is omnipresent it does get pretty difficult. Lovecraft is a good example: I'm sure there were interesting ideas somewhere in The Horror at Red Hook, but because every other paragraph was about the demon-worshipping foreigners I found it impossible to get through and kept wishing I could punch ol' HP in the face. On the other hand, he's only peripherally bigoted (xenophobic, but in a more understandable way) in The Whisperer in Darkness, and that's much easier to appreciate for what it is...

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Dan H

at 13:18 on 2009-04-01

Crap, sorry about that. It's probably deeply ironic that in an article entirely about the subconscious effects of prejudice on our everyday thoughts and actions, I managed to forget that using "went to Oxford" as a synonym for "knows what they're talking about" is, itself, kinda offensive.

Sorry folks.

To clarify, all I meant was that it was absurd that I find myself ignoring my friends' university educations or other relevant qualifications in place of easy stereotypes about race and gender.

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Dan H

at 13:39 on 2009-04-01

Lovecraft is a good example: I'm sure there were interesting ideas somewhere in The Horror at Red Hook, but because every other paragraph was about the demon-worshipping foreigners I found it impossible to get through and kept wishing I could punch ol' HP in the face.

I suspect this is one of those examples of White Privilege in action. It's easy for me and Arthur to read Lovecraft (well, easy for Arthur to read Lovecraft, I don't actually like his writing) and say "gosh, this is very racist but I still appreciate it as an artifact from its time." We're in a position where we can condemn racism without it actually harming us. There's a world of difference between reading an old work of genre fiction and saying "hey, those monsters are supposed to be black people" and reading a work of genre fiction and saying "hey, those monsters are supposed to be *me and my family*."

My favorite line from "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" is ♫ If we all could just admit / that we are racist, a little bit ♫ because I think it strikes toward the heart of a sensitive issue in pointing out that pretty much no one is free from racist ideas

Yeah, I can see that. It's just that a lot of the way the song presents itself is in the language of racist apologism. Remember that the very *next* line is "and we could all stop being so PC!". The more I've thought about the actual sketch, the more I've been bothered by the way it's presented - remember it basically starts with a minority character (Kate Monster) calling out a non-minority character for being racist, and the non-minority character using "well you're racist too!" as a defence (and in fact citing the "but minority rights groups are racist as well!" argument).

But perhaps I'm overthinking it...

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Shim

at 14:16 on 2009-04-01

Lots of people mistakenly equate racism with blatantly racist speech or actions (warnings: PDF, racefail), after all.

Interesting linked article... overall I tended to agree with the arguments, but at times it gave me the feeling that they were interpreting things in the way that supported their expectations, i.e. seeing racist attitudes that

might

not be there. Given how complicated some of the topics were, and how much discussion of racial issues goes on, it's not surprising to me (for example) that people sometimes argued from several sides, or were less coherent on more personal, complicated questions. I'm also suspicious of suggestions that arguments like "I'm not a black person, so I don't really know" should be lumped in as ways to conceal racist attitudes, and the idea that it might be a valid point in some circumstances wasn't considered. Ditto, say, ambivalence over 'affirmative action', which people still can't decide whether it's beneficial overall and exactly what form it should take. Oh, and I'd have liked some counter-examples of answers that were

not

seen as hiding racist attitudes.

Also, it could really do with proofreading. But enough digression, back to Dan's article!

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Arthur B

at 14:48 on 2009-04-01

For what it's worth, I don't actually enjoy

The Horror At Red Hook

; I was raising it (not very clearly) as an example of a story that I'd usually just skip because the motivations behind it are entirely too obvious and entirely too ugly.

At the Mountains of Madness

is nice in that the monsters don't resemble

any

identifiable people - not physically, and not culturally - so that's at the other end of the spectrum.

I do think that a certain amount of white privilege is inevitable, but I don't necessarily think it's a problem so long as you're aware that it might be happening and that other people might not see your favourite author in the same way. (It helps to have a diverse group of friends and colleagues as well; "hey, that's meant to be my friend's family" is almost as shocking as "hey, that's meant to be my family".) The most important thing is to read with your eyes open, and to read diversely; I think an exclusive diet of Lovecraft, Howard, and the various descendants and imitators is vastly more unhealthy and likely to blind you to problematic elements in their stories than a more balanced reading range.

A tangent: it dismays me sometimes to see the amount of uncritical fanboyism that surrounds

The Shadow Over Innsmouth

, which granted is a decently-written story but it again has massively problematic undertones; any interpretation of it which doesn't at least acknowledge that part of the point Lovecraft was making was KILL THE HALF-BREEDS is wilfully blinding itself to a really major component of the story, and there's a distressing number of authors who keep reusing the Deep Ones without even considering that angle.

Granted, the angle that people imitate most frequently is the "Oh no, it turns out I am a Deep One too" revelation at the end of the story, but - like Lovecraft himself - nobody ever makes the leap to "wait, surely that means the Deep Ones can't be all bad".

Even people who admit that Lovecraft was a racist

do this. And nobody calls people on it or says "hey, you're just repeating Lovecraft's slurs against miscegenation", presumably because everyone's kidding themselves that the fish people are fish people and can't possibly be a metaphor for something else.

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Arthur B

at 15:06 on 2009-04-01

To put it another way, just imagine for a moment that Harry Potter had been a black kid.

He was, Rowling just didn't mention it in the books.

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Andy G

at 15:57 on 2009-04-01@ Arthur: I did enjoy Lovecraft for the kinds of reasons you said (otherwise I wouldn't have kept reading) - and felt that I could "pick and choose", appreciating and analysing without necessarily condoning. But equally, I was aware that some of the bits I now found uncomfortable I would never even have noticed a few years ago - because I only really imagined racism to be overt KKK-style hatred, as Dan terms it (and Lovecraft does occasionally go there) - and yet even back then I would have prided myself on being able to detach myself from condoning the "racist bits" of the stories, which I now realise are far more pervasive. That's why I hesitate a bit before saying I can definitely remain a detached, objective attitude without colluding in the questionable ideas and imagery. Even if we can distance ourselves from stories by regarding them as historical artefacts, I'm not sure that we can do that completely successfully while still enjoying them as stories.

I also wonder whether it's sufficient to find the bad bits "unpleasant", "uncomfortable" or "distasteful" (from the perpsective of white privilege) but keep reading anyway - I mean, at what point does the text simply become so irredeemably bad that the only thing to do is just not to keep reading? Again, I didn't feel that with Lovecraft, but is that a defensible position?

Hmm ... basically, I do kind of agree with you, but am niggled with doubt, because I wonder whether what I'm really trying to do is give myself an excuse to enjoy books and films that I really shouldn't.

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Gina Dhawa

at 16:11 on 2009-04-01

To clarify, all I meant was that it was absurd that I find myself ignoring my friends' university educations or other relevant qualifications in place of easy stereotypes about race and gender.

Sorry, Dan, if my hackles got raised. It's one of my buttons.

This. People have different levels of privilege (white, class, education, etc) and that's such a big deal with regard to how their mileage will vary at what they will personally be able to deal with in texts.

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Gina Dhawa

at 16:19 on 2009-04-01That's not to say I condone racism or any other kind of bigotry in texts, just that I find it understandable that people who don't themselves necessarily hold bigoted views can find things to enjoy in texts that do.

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Arthur B

at 16:33 on 2009-04-01

It varies for me. I have, in fact, stopped reading Robert E. Howard stories because they were pure out-and-out bigotry. On the other hand, I read

The Horror at Red Hook

all the way through. When I do keep reading, it's normally for one of two reasons (or a mix of them):

- The story has something more to it than racism.

Red Hook

is awful for many reasons, one of them being that there really

isn't

anything more to it than the racism.

The Shadow Over Innsmouth

is, in many respects, just as racist, but it also features other ideas which are sufficiently interesting - and have exerted a sufficient influence over the horror genre - that those ideas are both worth salvaging and engaging enough that reading the story doesn't

exclusively

evoke discomfort.

- The story is useful for understanding the author, and I'm interested enough in the author to want to understand them.

Red Hook

as a story is terrible, but as an insight into what Lovecraft was thinking during his brief and unhappy tenancy in New York it's valuable.

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Dan H

at 18:11 on 2009-04-01

He was, Rowling just didn't mention it in the books.

I see what you did there.

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Dan H

at 18:44 on 2009-04-01Also:

Just reading the article you linked to Rami.

It's kind of terrifying, isn't it.

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Shim

at 18:45 on 2009-04-01

He was, Rowling just didn't mention it in the books.

Hmm... I reckon there were enough references to his tousled mop of hair, and looking pale, to make that problematic.

East Asian descent? Native American? Inuit? Totally possible.

(this leads me to something Dan mentioned once; racism discussions always leap on to Black/White dichotomies even though it's not the most obvious one for everyone. I'd argue in Britain that Chinese or South Asian ancestry is much more common, certainly in the north)

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Arthur B

at 18:49 on 2009-04-01look he's albino with really messy hair

you are racist against albinos you are

you want to kill them and turn them into

medicine

and that's wrong

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Shim

at 21:56 on 2009-04-01What a wasteful idea! Everyone knows that albinos are best used as ruthless assassins.

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Dan H

at 22:15 on 2009-04-01

I'm also suspicious of suggestions that arguments like "I'm not a black person, so I don't really know" should be lumped in as ways to conceal racist attitudes, and the idea that it might be a valid point in some circumstances wasn't considered. Ditto, say, ambivalence over 'affirmative action', which people still can't decide whether it's beneficial overall and exactly what form it should take.

I personally found it fairly clear from most of the examples that the actual opinions of the inverviewees were, if not racist, more likely to be perceived as racist than the opinions they tried to express.

It's things like the fact that pretty much all of them disagreed with affirmative action (which I'll admit can't be taken as racist in itself - it's a specific government policy and there's probably several reasons to disagree with it) but that none of them actually felt that they could *say* they didn't agree with affirmative action.

One of the things I've noticed in my recent Rambling Thoughts About Prejudice is that there's a lot of things that people are willing to condemn utterly (or support wholeheartedly) in the general case, but not in the specific. "I have nothing against interracial marriage, but I'm a little bit worried about the children" or "I support affirmative action, but obviously you can't let a better qualified white guy lose out to a black guy if it's a job he actually wants."

Ironically the person that comes out best is the seventy year old woman who says straight up "I'm against interracial marriage, but if my daughter married a black guy I'd still support her."

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Shim

at 22:44 on 2009-04-01

Indeed. Sorry, I'm not clear enough... it was the way the arguments were presented that I found dodgy, rather than anything in the analysis of the examples given; it seemed like they might be generalising from "this person said this, and in context of everything else they said which I have only partially printed here, they seem racist, so I think it may be tactical" to "this kind of language is a tactic to cover racism". The usual extrapolation problem arises. That's kind of why I'd like to see a comparison with non-racist people discussing the topics.

I found the paper a bit rambling (ooh, diminutive) and sometimes incoherent - for example, as basically a scientist I'm used to things with statistics and explanations of the experiment, rather than launching into an argument peppered with examples. Also I think it mixed up the names in at least one place (Andy/Mickey)?

I've had three goes at articulating why I agree with you about the old woman, and can't get one that covers all my feelings, so I'll leave it as "Yeah".

Back on the article... I remember the Captain Planet thing coming up in a PSE class about ethics, on the lines of whether there were actually specific Evil people. A surprising proportion of the class (upper sixth) were really set on this idea and did

not

respond well to questions like "so do you honestly believe that Pol Pot never did a single good thing?" or "exactly what characteristics distinguish between the Evil people and everyone else?".

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Dan H

at 23:17 on 2009-04-01The paper is a bit rambling, and does make a bunch of assumptions (you can't really go from "these white people said this" to "white people say this") but I think it highlights some interesting points. I thought the example with "there is a firm which is 97% white" was a really interesting one, because a lot of the arguments people made were basically "you can only say their hiring policy is racist if you have met their HR guy and you know that he, personally is a racist".

Which brings us neatly back to Captain Planet and the depressingly common belief that there really are Bad People out there who do self-consciously Evil things Because They Are Evil.

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Wardog

at 23:24 on 2009-04-01I'm not saying anything constructive here because I'm quite frankly *terrified* since it's such an incredibly complex issue. But I just wanted to mention that I found the article interesting and the comments equally so.

I was also really worried we were going to have our own small-scale racefail but I'm relieved we only had a highereductionfail instead.

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Rami

at 00:04 on 2009-04-02

That's kind of why I'd like to see a comparison with non-racist people discussing the topics.

I don't remember exactly where I was linked to this paper from, but the two studies mentioned in the paper (from which the interviewees were drawn) tried to measure prevalence of racist attitudes based on survey responses, and found very few sets of responses that appeared minimally prejudiced. I think it's because of this that the paper makes the assumption that the interview responses are evincing racist attitudes, even where the responses themselves could be seen as ambiguous.

I've had three goes at articulating why I agree with you about the old woman, and can't get one that covers all my feelings, so I'll leave it as "Yeah"

I'd say it's because she was honest ;-)

the depressingly common belief that there really are Bad People out there who do self-consciously Evil things Because They Are Evil

I don't doubt there are people out there who are and do; I think that, as you say, the problem with Captain Planet et al is that they encourage the belief that the little actions of every day (not turning off the lights properly, etc) are perfectly OK, and that the Badness is distilled into the Evil People and that they are the only ones to blame.

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http://roisindubh211.livejournal.com/

at 03:50 on 2009-04-02The Tarzan books are a little horrifying- I was pretty young when I read them and completely believed that racism ended in the sixties, but even then I understood that something strange was up with all the beautiful blonde women (and beautiful, blond Tarzan, of course). Why the hell would any ape (except humans) think a blonde was attractive? Later on in the series the racism gets more overt but its still ridiculous when its just "look how pretty and superior we are!"

My mom used to laugh whenever I watched Captain Planet and said I was being brainwashed.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/x4HhAM1souauxovBXQn5IheyvJm6KIO2jP8MPvM5#590f1

at 03:53 on 2009-04-02Andy G.:

I mean, at what point does the text simply become so irredeemably bad that the only thing to do is just not to keep reading? Again, I didn't feel that with Lovecraft, but is that a defensible position? Hmm ... basically, I do kind of agree with you, but am niggled with doubt, because I wonder whether what I'm really trying to do is give myself an excuse to enjoy books and films that I really shouldn't.

I enjoyed Taming of the Shrew when I saw it performed twenty years ago in college. Then I watched it again within the last two years. It sickened me. When Katherina obeyed whatshisname, I booed, but only loud enough for my wife and maybe a nearby audience member could hear.

Unless the play is promoted/listed as one of the tragedies, I won't see it again.

Perhaps the harder question is: is it making an excuse for the racism rather than for the enjoyment of the read.

The language the theater used excuse the production of TotS was that it may *appear* offensive to the modern audience and that it was the norm for the time. But that's donkeyshit. Disney's Song of the South won't be 're-released on dvd/blueray for only a limited time' even though it was the norm for the time because it *is* offensive to the modern audience today.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/x4HhAM1souauxovBXQn5IheyvJm6KIO2jP8MPvM5#590f1

at 04:14 on 2009-04-02

It all comes back to branding.

But the people that do the branding are members of the dominant culture.

Though arguably, that has been changing especially within last couple of decades. Well, at least to some degree though not quite for the better. Fucking BET.

- F.Dillinger

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 20:01 on 2009-04-02

But perhaps I'm overthinking it...

Honestly, thinking about it at all lead to overthinking, because although that song from Avenue Q gets quoted *all the time* in discussions of race, it doesn't really seem to be saying anything simple about race at all except in the title. It includes characters talking about actual racism that they experience (Gary Coleman "can't even get a taxi"), apologetics ("stop being so pc"/"ethnic jokes are based on truth") and some things that honestly sound like they know perfectly well they're defending racism: people make judgements about race not about "big things like who to buy a newspaper from, but little things like thinking Mexican busboys should learn to speak GODDAMN ENGLISH!"

In the end the song is kind of a big mess of things you've heard people say about racism, but without a clear pov. The clearest point actually is that everybody's racist and that's okay, but there's other stuff in there too...and also racism is such a hot button word it's hard to imagine using it to be completely positive. Also yes completely about the way it starts off with the idea that a minority is being "racist" to ever focus on its own group without including the majority, the "reverse racism" claim. Blech.

And regarding the rest, yes--in some of the discussions about sci fi I remember somebody mentioning the mystery genre and that shows a real difference. Where sci fi and fantasy has in many ways stuck to their traditional white guy roots, I don't think any mystery fan would say that they really expect the detective in any series to be white or male. I'm not a huge reader of mysteries, but even knowing the genre a little it seems like creating detectives from different backgrounds has become totally common. I guess since the detective is always going to have certain standard qualities (smart, analytical, observant, insightful etc.) people are eager to branch out in other ways looking for how they are different and how their differences affect how they solve crimes.

Where as fantasy seems still so stuck in the whole colonial project mentality...you've often got the race that's our pov race, who seemings white and British or American, and then you've got these other races who are all far more alike than the main race is. To us HP as an example, you couldn't really say what a Wizard was like personality-wise, but you could do that for a House Elf or a giant or a goblin or a centaur...

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Arthur B

at 20:57 on 2009-04-02

I think sometimes it is colonial, and sometimes it is an attempt to be pseudohistorical. People have this odd idea that in the medieval period nobody travelled at all, and while it's true that 90% of the population never travelled much under normal circumstances a) that's still kind of true today in many places, and b) even though that was the case, you never had a situation where you had the English people who lived exclusively in a place called England whose borders were always much the same as they are today, and neighbouring them the French people who lived in a place called France with borders much like today's, and so on. People moved around: rich folk travelled and became merchants and sometimes settled in cities where the money was, poor people went on pilgrimages and were drafted into their lord's militia when time came to go to war, and enormous numbers of people ended up becoming refugees from plague, famine, and war - and that's just in medieval Europe.

This is not to say that our cultures aren't more diverse today than they were back then. But they were significantly more nuanced and heterogeneous than the sort of fake-medieval societies that sub-Tolkien fantasy hacks crank out. Writing realistically diverse societies is

achingly difficult

, and many people just don't try. (Which is wrong of them.)

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Dan H

at 02:04 on 2009-04-03

The clearest point actually is that everybody's racist and that's okay,

It's the "but that's okay" that I have trouble with. Or rather, it's the way *in which* it's supposed to be okay. I'm okay with the idea that "it's okay" to have racist attitudes in the sense that everybody has them, and having racist attitudes doesn't make you a bad person, just somebody who needs to be a bit more aware of race issues. The song, though, seems to imply that racism is just plain acceptable.

This might be a bit overly-analytical, but the song basically involves a bunch of minorities complaining about racism, then being revealed to be hypocrites. There's a fine line between humour about racism, and humour that is just plain racist and I fear that EaLBR strays into the latter camp.

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 02:35 on 2009-04-03

t's the "but that's okay" that I have trouble with.

Sorry, I wasn't clear there--neither am I. I don't think that the clearest message being "everyone (including minorities) is racist and that's okay" is a particularly good thing.

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http://descrime.livejournal.com/

at 17:52 on 2009-04-03re: Captain Planet clip: Oh God, that was so bad I had to stop watching at the 30 second mark. I think I watched CP as a kid. Obviously I wasn't a very bright child.

I thought the firm question was stupid, to be honest, if the only information they are given is that a firm is 97% white! Draw inferences!

I once worked for a small business that employed 5 people. It was 100% white. By the paper's logic, the owners were horrible racists. But the population size of the firm is too small to use statistics like that.

Also, what industry is this firm in? If a 20 person video game development company employes 19 males and 1 female, is it sexist? The population of video game designers is heavily skewed towards men and 20 is still a rather low number to be applying statistical inferences to.

If a hospital's nurses are 97% female, does that mean the hospital is discriminating against male nurses? To figure that out, you need the percentage of male nurses in the area to compare with.

Now, I did do an internship at a ~170 person, publicly traded company and every single position of importance was filled with a white male, and that did seem suspicious.

If a firm is 97% white, all that statistic tells us is that is could be racist, not that it is racist no matter how obvious the author of the paper finds that conclusion. Similarly, even if the company has reached that magical percentage that means diversity, it doesn't mean the company /isn't/ racist.

My aunt works for a large "diverse" company, 600 employee, and she told me about a month ago how a group of white coworkers had hung voodoo dolls from their desk lamps (as in mimicking lynching) in response to a black coworker reporting on some previous misbehavior they had done (I don't really remember the details). The company had no real policy to deal with the situation and basically tried to sweep it under the rug.

I thought the paper was interesting in that it showed some examples as to how people have developed a method of speaking around an issue that is impossible to discuss in our society.

I also thought it was interesting that people who reported having friendships with someone who was part of a minority group were much less racist towards that group. Which would suggest to me that diversity in elementary schools is probably one of the most important things we could do to help promote understanding.

I thought his methodology was a little suspicious for what he was trying to achieve--an honest discussion of racial prejudices. A stranger asking you questions to your face on a sensitive topic (which he obviously have strong feelings for) is hardly likely to promote honesty and is probably a large factor in the nervousness and stuttering the subjects showed.

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Arthur B

at 18:11 on 2009-04-03

If a 20 person video game development company employes 19 males and 1 female, is it sexist? The population of video game designers is heavily skewed towards men and 20 is still a rather low number to be applying statistical inferences to.

Wait, what? I know it isn't very fair to blame individual game companies for an industry-wide bias, but wouldn't it be completely fair to criticise them if they made no effort to address that bias?

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Dan H

at 19:31 on 2009-04-03

I think you're actually making a classic mistake here, which is to make the focus of a discussion about prejudice the question of whether or not specific *people* are prejudiced instead of whether prejudice is at work in a given situation.

If a games development company is 95% male, whether they have 20 employees or 200 there's something wrong. Is it partly the fault of the industry? Probably, but not entirely. Roughly one in six

World of Warcraft

players are female, the proportion of women in your hypothetical company is one third that size.

There is, actually a serious issue here. An interesting statistic is that when people are asked to judge what a "balanced" gender mix looks like, they tend to settle on a male:female ratio of about 2:1 with anything more than that being perceived as unfairly biased towards women. Even

Buffy

follows this pattern, with the core cast of the first series being two girls (Buffy, Willow) and three guys (Giles, Xander, Angel) for a 60-40 split in one of the most female dominated shows on mainstream TV.

Part of what I've been trying to get at with the article above is the idea that it's all too easy to condemn prejudice in general, while making excuses for it in every specific instance. You actually

can

take the fact that only 5% of a company's employees are women as evidence of sexism. Evidence isn't the same as proof, but if your first reaction to the suggestion that your hiring policy might be sexist is to go on the defensive, you're never going to make any progress.

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Shim

at 22:54 on 2009-04-03@Dan

agreed. I do think the response depends on exactly what question is asked (and due to editfail/vagueness of the article I'm not sure) and how the interviewees interpret it; someone might say that racism was definitely at play (in the industry as a whole, in the education system...) but not necessarily conclude that the company itself is definitely racist. But as you say, it would be a pretty good place to start.

Re: gender balance; a similar rule applies to time-per-student in the classroom. Teachers of either gender judge a "balanced" lesson as one that gives far more time to boys (cf. "Language Myths", Bauer & Trudgill - let nobody say I make airy claims). Observers, students etc. also follow this pattern. Giving equal time is a major problem for teachers even when made aware of it and leads to people claiming the lesson is dominated by girls.

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http://arkan2.livejournal.com/

at 22:30 on 2009-04-06Another excellent essay, and great discussion, too.

Yeah, it's scary what advertisements can do, without being able to influence people through “subliminal messages.” Ever seen

The Ad and the Ego

? Heavy stuff.

And then of course, there's Naomi Klein's

No Logo

…

You're right, Dan, this is exactly how racism works. And sexism, heterosexism, classicism, ableism and all the rest. Until those types of oppression are completely eradicated, they'll be with us to some extent, but the first step towards making the solution is identifying the problem.

I also agree that you can't learn Japanese culture by watching anime, but that's not the same as saying you can't learn it at all. You can't learn everything about Japanese culture, or even just a subsection thereof—but then, this applies even if

you yourself are Japanese

. Nobody can know everything about a culture, their own or anyone else's.

Fortunately, authors don't need to do that much, any more than honest anthropologists do. How should an author in the United States go about writing a story set in modern India with modern Indian characters? To which I would reply: the same way said author should go about writing a story set in medieval Europe (or a decent knock-off thereof): research. Of course, cultural imperialism and cultural misappropriation are dangers that rear their ugly heads in the former case, but I think if the author comes at it with the right mindset (including but not limited to sympathy, sensitivity, awareness of probable pitfalls and a continentload of caution) they can pull it off (though you can't please

every

one).

I have the same problem with Whedon's Misogynist-Of-The-Week depiction of sexism as you do. Audiences in my experience tend to process characterization first, symbolism second. (A strongly feminist friend of mine who is also a major Whedon fan once tried to sell me some argument about how incredibly feminist the symbolism of the female characters in

Firefly

is. I'm betting she'd say the same about

Dollhouse

. My reply would be that even if so, the straightforward characterization is rather less feminist, to put it charitably, and that counts for a lot more.)

I'm sure

Harry Potter

could've sold if Harry had been black, or brown, or any other known shade of human skin. Whether it would've been such a cult phenomenon is a different problem. (Who knows, it might've been. And yes, that would've done more than probably any ten government initiatives. And what if he'd been Arabic …?)

people making well-intentioned efforts to move the discourse forward are actually good and important, even if they fail in all kinds of ways to live up to the ideal of what they intend to attain or represent.

That's a very good point, Guy. I believe I maybe try harder than Roddenberry to be progressive on issues of race, sex, sexuality, class and all the other -isms, but if in 100 years' time people aren't looking at my fiction and finding a dozen holes in it at first glance, I'll be one disappointed ancestor. I'll be disappointed because it will mean that a) the culture will not have progressed so far as to outpace anything I could even imagine at my most radical, or b) that I never ended up actually publishing any fiction (or at least none worth looking at). To some extent, whatever I do will be a product of its time, just like the

Star Trek

OK with writing aliens and vampires and wizards, but can't write a black man? Right. Indeed, I've always found that particularly grating. Mostly that no one seems to even make the effort. And situations like RaceFail can make it worse for white authors who mean well and would like to make the effort but are scared off because the Wrath of the Public might descend on them.

Yeah well, white privilege means that you can ignore all that and not have to worry too much. Whereas if you're a person of colour (say, Arabic) and you piss off the white folks, Allah help you. (There are exceptions like Salman Rushdie, of course, but they are very much the exception.)

I for one do care about public opinion of people of colour, but I think it better to take that risk and at least try to be part of the solution than play it safe and know for sure that I'm perpetuating the problem.

Firstly, reading isn't condoning. You can read, and even enjoy, something written by someone you disagree with and still disagree with them afterwards;

This is a good point, Arthur. I recently read Michael Crichton's

State of Fear

, and, for various reasons, have been obsessing over it for months. It's a pretty mediocre thriller, but I have an intense love/hate relationship with the discourse. Some of it I agree with, a lot of it I don't, but what really gets me is that Crichton sets himself up to make his points in a way that should get even the readers who don't agree with him thinking, then lets most of it dissolve into a tired political rant. I felt like I would've enjoyed the book more—should've enjoyed it more—even as I was disagreeing with it, but Crichton failed to try hard enough to connect with the skeptics (which is ironic considering we're presumably the one's he's addressing).

… Although, as Dan points out, there's a difference between something being disagreeable and something actually insulting you as a person because of the social group you happen to belong to, especially when there is a looong history of insult and oppression of people from that social group.

On the other hand, as we're agreed that in a racist society everyone is racist to some degree, all the fiction we produce is probably going to be racist in some way. So if we can't find any merit in racist works, then Arthur's suggestion of throwing out everything before 1950 is too conservative by half.

So basically, I guess, it all comes down to degree of offensiveness and personal taste. If you can find merit in something, I'd say there's probably some merit, although I reserve the right to withdraw my condone-ance (there doesn't seem to be a proper word for that) if the merit you find is something along the lines of e.g. “All Arabs are evil.”

As Dan points out, it's not the individuals who you can identify as being racist bastards who are the problem a lot of the time (although they're usually the ugliest symptom), it's the people where you don't necessarily see the subtext, perhaps because they themselves aren't aware of it.

Damn, you people are good at making excellent points with incredible clarity.

It helps to have a diverse group of friends and colleagues as well; "hey, that's meant to be my friend's family" is almost as shocking as "hey, that's meant to be my family".

That's my viewpoint too, and something I feel slightly guilty about not cultivating more some of the time. However, I do think there's a bigger difference than you suggest, Arthur. I have a lot of close friends who are queer, but when I see something homophobic, the fact that “they're talking about my friends” doesn't spring immediately to mind. Similarly, when I see something blatantly anti-Palestinian, I don't immediately think of my Palestinian-American friend.

I agree that it helps to have friends who belong to the insulted group in question, but maybe not as much as you suggest.

To put it another way, just imagine for a moment that Harry Potter had been a black kid.

He was, Rowling just didn't mention it in the books.

Or in the liner notes to the movie script. Dumbeldore's sexual orientation on the other hand …

the depressingly common belief that there really are Bad People out there who do self-consciously Evil things Because They Are Evil

I don't doubt there are people out there who are and do;

Well I for one, don't doubt the exact opposite, and think that's a

very

dangerous philosophical road to venture onto. Of course, it partially depends on what definition of “Evil” we're working under, but still …

re: Captain Planet clip: Oh God, that was so bad I had to stop watching at the 30 second mark. I think I watched CP as a kid. Obviously I wasn't a very bright child.

Me neither.

And yes, racism is amazingly adaptive when it comes to rhetoric.

I've heard elsewhere that positive exposure tends to dilute one's own prejudices at least. So yes, diverse elementary schools = very good idea.

Part of what I've been trying to get at with the article above is the idea that it's all too easy to condemn prejudice in general, while making excuses for it in every specific instance.

Like all other types of basically immoral attitudes/behaviors/actions. War/torture/murder/rape, people can (and too often do) excuse away the patently inexcusable when it gets down to specifics. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get people to stop doing this I'm listening.

very

attentively.

#Ferretbrain #Minority Warrior #Captain Planet #Avenue Q #Dan H

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 6 years ago

Text

Okay so the Lizard stuff in ASM v5 #2 really bugged me as I stated when the issue came out, and it has continued to bug me a lot since then, but I did take a step back to consider some things and went so far as to refresh my memory of Shed, No Turning Back and every Lizard appearance story since then (all of which bar one, were written by Slott) to give myself perspective. I also re-read ‘The Child Within’ by DeMatteis and Buscema and skimmed ‘the Death of Vermin’ also by DeMatteis and Buscema because I felt they were relevant to the topic at hand.

So I have SOMEWHAT changed my mind on my initial reactions to the Lizard stuff from ASM v5 #2, partially because I got some perspective and partially because I went through the painful process of returning to those previously mentioned Lizard stories (of which I will begrudgingly admit ‘No Turning Back’ by Slott...isn’t that bad, I know no one was more shocked than me).

So my beef was how nonchalant Peter and everyone else was over the Lizard teaching at ESU and also how chill Connors himself was. I wasn’t going to just go by the logic of ‘well they were written that way before under Slott so it’s consistent’ because Slott of course was notoriously bad at characterization. Case in point Spider-Man 100% made a joke/casual comment about the Lizard eating people in Clone Conspiracy #3 as he did in ASM v5 #2.

This was to me, and I 100% stand by this, totally out of character in both instances because...he’s joking about cannibalism and subtextually joking about the cannibalism of an innocent child, an innocent child whom he knew personally .*

Which is a great big egregious NO in your chyaracterization of Peter Parker. I despise ‘Shed’ passionately but whatever else you want to say about it, Spidey’s abject horror of Billy’s death in that story was totally true to his character and an important part of that story, that story itself (however anyone wants to feel about it) being an important story in the history of the Lizard. I feel about ‘Shed’ the same kind of way I feel about the Clone Saga (except I like parts of the Clone Saga). Maybe you don’t like it, maybe it was bad for the characters, but it’s so important to their histories you can’t just ignore it.

Having Peter joke about the Lizard an cannibalism is very much ignoring the single most infamous part of the most well known Lizard story ever (besides his debut issue and Torment by McFarlane). It would be akin to Spider-Man ignoring the fact that he believed himself to be a clone or in fact being insensitive to someone because they were a clone (which he was to Kaine actually in Spider-Island).

In ‘the Child Within’ Spider-Man also showed horror and disgust over the fact that Edward Whelan/Vermin, had also literally eaten people.

If Spider-Man is going to show horror and disgust over someone he doesn’t know literally eating other people he doesn’t know, why would he ever joke about someone he does know personally (Curt Connors) eating someone else he knows personally (Billy, a child he’s tried to protect multiple times)?

Answer: this was a moment where Spencer did I am afraid drop the ball badly. But you know...happens to the best writers. Let’s not sit here and pretend Stan Lee himself didn’t make major screw ups. Hell J.M. DeMatteis and Roger Stern, two of the greatest Spider-Man writers ever, made missteps. Heck we’re talking about ‘the Child Within’, that’s a story where I think DeMatteis made a big mistake in his characterization of Spider-Man himself, one that cuts to the heart of the character in a way bigger way than this moment from Spencer. He’s still one of the elite Spider-Man writers though and still (with DeFalco) my fav ever.

I have however changed my mind on the matter of Connors himself being so chill with his life situation and with the wider ESU staff and student body and the idea of Spider-Man himself accepting Connors.

So I said I wasn’t going to just blithely run by the logic of ‘well this is what it was like under Slott so it’s consistent’, but it is important to remember Connors accepted his own guilt in Slott’s run and didn’t try to shy away from imprisonment despite having the option to. He was however, even before Clone Conspiracy, not the kind of broken man you’d imagine anybody who’s child was so horrifically murdered (by their own hands...let alone own mouth) would be like.

After Clone Conspiracy this could ARGUABLY make sense though. Connors as man who lost everything important to him, his arm, his faith in humankind (see Spider-Man Unlimited #19), his home, his career, his humanity and his family (mostly all due to the same thing, being the Lizard) could very well cling to any given opportunity to in some shape or form reclaim his family and then by extension everything else.

This is why I think, like so many people in Clone Conspiracy, he embraced what was clearly just a new cloning process as a form of resurrection. He was so desperate for Billy and Martha to be alive again and for them to be a family that he either didn’t question it or pushed aside the rationale conclusion that these were merely clones not the genuine articles.

So in having them back it in a sense allowed him to cope with, heal from, move on from, or do whatever psychologically to NOT be a broken man over eating his own son. To him, even though it’s not actually the case, his greatest sin has been undone and he’s even had a hand in ‘making it right’ because he was the one who figured out how to stabilize their conditions and prevent them from dying at the end of Clone Conspiracy.

In making them Lizard people like him (although that already happened to Billy anyway, but nevermind) it equally mighty have alleviated the fact that he was himself trapped in the body of an inhuman monster. He had his family back and bonus, now they were like him, now he no longer needed to worry about hurting them when he transformed both because he the human was in control but also they were fellow reptiles now. He wasn’t the man with the monster inside him who might destroy his family, they were all monsters together now.

Had he compromised his wife and son’s humanity to get there? Sure but they were alive and together and that desire within Connors was possibly so strong that he essentially wilfully denied that he’d turned them into monsters. I am loathe to give Slott credit for this and I might be overextrapolating but this could very well be why in Clone Conspiracy Omega when Lizard Zombie Billy is eating his plate and Lizard Zombie Martha is struggling to talk beyond a grunt whilst pouring water all over the table Connors is just nonchalant and content. He’s in denial because he is so desperate for his family to be back in any form. Potentially he might also be thinking he could get out a more permanent cure for all of them later.

From there the fact that he has his arm back, has the chance at a career and public opinion is more favourable towards him ever since he helped Mayor Jameson back in Superior (likely a contributor to the job he got at ESU) from his warped desperate perspective he’s gotten back a lot of the stuff that he lost. He might even enjoy the power of being the Lizard whilst still being in control (in ASM #43 he DID suggest that the Lizard could defeat the Rhino). Even if that wasn’t the case with the inhibitor chip enables him to switch back and forth anyway.

This I think is the most logical explanation for why Connors in more recent stories hasn’t been the broken man he should have been in the wake of ‘Shed’.** You could also argue that he is forgiving himself somewhat because ‘the Lizard did it not me’, although I find this less believable.

Regarding the ESU staff and students, they seem chilled out with him but equally I must now admit we don’t hear THAT much from them in the issue anyway so for all we know they’re just getting on with the situation and not saying or doing anything to express their potential horror and discomfort over being in the same room as a cannibal. Plus he did state he hadn’t been in Lizard form the whole time, just for the sake of that experiment on that day.

If Mayor Jameson was forgiving of him, if the authorites gave him a second chance, if they gave Vermin/Edward Whelan a second chance and he seems like a nice guy I guess it stands to reason that college students, who tend to be on the more Liberal and accepting side of life (not dissing that just and observation) would probably give him a shot, especially if cannibalism isn’t brought up much or if they didn’t know about that. Also realistically you’d imagine in the Marvel Universe greater emphasis and efforts would be made from the student body of a NYC based university to be respectful towards mutants and that likely would extend to mutates like Curt Connors. That’d just be a reflection I think of how a lot of modern colleges act, although there was an anti-mutant sentiment in some old ESU Spidey stories IIRC.

Finally we come to Spider-Man himself being so forgiving towards Curt Connors. I stand by how OOC it was for Peter to make a joke about Connors history with cannibalism but having refreshed my memory of all the above mentioned stories I am big enough to admit that I was somewhat mistaken and wasn’t thinking things through.

I think I was letting the elephant that was Shed blind me to the character’s individual and shared histories together and equally my disdain of Slott’s run led to me not revisiting his stories much, thus certain details of them slip my mind moreso than with yarns I like (e.g. the JMS run).

Again, I didn’t want to approach this topic with the mentality of ‘Well it was like this under Slott so it’s consistent so it’s okay’, because again Slott’s characterization was notorious. HOWEVER even a broken clock is right twice a day and in his run Spider-Man clearly (mostly) demonstrated an attitude that Connors was not himself to be blamed for the actions of the Lizard and he demonstrated a certain forgiving attitude towards him too. In ASM #699 the Peter inside Doc Ock’s dying body even wants to free the Lizard, though he wonders if this is due dying affecting his thinking.

This is consistent with Spidey’s attitude towards Connors/the Lizard going right back to the Silver Age. But I thought you know...infanticide and cannibalism are different ball games, would Spidey extend the ‘Connors is not to blame for the Lizard’s actions’ mentality to something like that?

That’s why I read ‘the Child Within’ and ‘The Death of Vermin’. A human being who was turned into a half human/half animal monster as a manifestation of internal psychological issues who also engaged in violence and cannibalism? Obvious grounds for comparison and as a bonus Vermin’s character was created and defined by DeMatteis, who is one of Spencer’s biggest influences on Spider-Man.

So in reading those stories, Spidey does At FIRST take a merciless attitude towards Vermin, precisely due to his cannibalism, but it’s also implied it’s due to the association of Vermin and his trauma over being buried alive as well as one of Vermin’s abilities just bringing out darker, unpleasant impulses in those around him; psychic poison as it’s called.

However as both stories clearly demonstrate, at the end of the day Peter does pity Vermin, doesn’t regard him as a monster but as a victim of both Baron Zemo and his own mental illnesses. In ASM #403 (again by DeMatteis) when Edward Whelan is transformed back into Vermin Spider-Man expresses dismay because he’d come so far.

So actually yeah Spider-Man would totally forgive Connors, totally embrace working with him and be sympathetic towards him. He just wouldn’t have joked about Billy and I hope desperately that we WILL bring up the fate of the Connors family later since last Peter checked they would’ve died in Clone Conspiracy.

However my reading actually uncovered a few other problems and inconsistencies. The biggest ones being that Peter is shocked and scared in ASM v5 #2 that the Lizard is anything other than Connors in control considering that last he checked that was the Lizard’s status quo. Even if you argue that Peter doesn’t have the memories of the Peter who died in Otto’s body back in ASM #700 (who first learned Connors was in control of the Lizard’s body) he clearly knew that Connors was in control back in Clone Conspiracy, Connors outright told him that. So...why is he reacting like he doesn’t know that?

Again, it seems like Spencer dropped the ball here. The scene would’ve worked fine in like the default setting for the Lizard/Connors from the old pre-Shed days but it doesn’t line up with very recent stories, Clone Conspiracy was after all as recent as 2017 and a major event.

In the same vain it doesn’t really make sense for the inhibitor chip to be a plot device in this story because again, the Lizard’s persona was ‘killed’ back in No Turning Back. Connors had been in control of the Lizard’s body for YEARS (in-universe and in the real world) by the time we got to ASm v5 #2 so why is the story and Connors acting like he’s got this new gadget to enforce control of the Lizard body and prevent him from changing?

Not to mention how did the authorities get a hold of him in the first place, wasn’t he on the run last we saw him.***

Again, it’s something that’d make total sense at almost any point in the Lizard’s history before 2009, but it doesn’t jive with what we’ve seen most recently.

Which if you wanna go in this direction I support that, I infinitely think that’s better for the character than the band aid Slott had tried to put over Shed (valiant effort though it was, I begrudgingly give him that) but like...you gotta explain this stuff. This is the entire status quo for a supporting character who’s been around since the Silver Age arbitrarily changing in very noticeable ways with little-no on the page implications as to how.

I hope Spencer addresses this stuff in the future even though my initial problems barring one no longer bug me.

*ASM #365 Peter and MJ attended Billy Connors’ birthday party. This isn’t a small obscure thing to overlook because ASM #365 was one of (arguably the main) story celebrating Spider-Man’s 30th anniversary, complete with a Master Planner homage. The Parker/Connors family friendship appeared in other stories both before and after that issue too so every writer should be aware Spidey knows Billy somewhat personally.

**As for why he didn’t seem like....WAY more upset prior to Clone Conspiracy I think you could even explain that one away as him knowing intellectually that the Lizard killed his son but it was at the moment that the Lizard struck the killing blow that Connors ‘died’ as it were. His thought captions actually back this up in Shed as they literally rip in half. So although Connors KNOWS he/the Lizard killed Billy he might not have remembered or ever actually seen or experienced it himself.

Like he blacked out just as it was happening, meaning he wouldn’t retain anything in his memories of the experience to actually traumatise him. He might not even know that the Lizard literally ate his son, just that he killed him in general.

If you go with this idea then him being upset and feeling he deserves to be punished as we saw in No Turning Back, ASM #699, No Escape (from Superior) and a few other appearances prior to Clone Conspiracy makes more sense. He is obviously upset, he is obviously devastated but he just isn’t broken. Not that Slott or anyone communicated that very well, but they also didn’t make him seem like he definitely WASN’T that either, he just didn’t talk much except to admit he was punishing himself or to save Jameson’s life.

***Also Peter in No Turning Back claims that really it was Curt Connors who was the evil behind the Lizard all along. Let’s ignore ‘A Lizard’s Tale’, that horrible Paul Jenkins Lizard story which claimed Connors had always been in control. This line of dialogue from Slott doesn’t really make sense however you want to interpret it. If you interpret it as Spidey saying the Lizard was a manifestation of Connors’ inner negativity it doesn’t make sense because...he already knew that from Spider-Man Unlimited #19. But if you interpret it as Connors was actually himself at fault for the Lizard’s actions the whole time (including Billy’s murder) it also makes no sense because Spider-Man totally knows there is a Jekyll/Hyde situation going on there.

#Spider-Man #Peter Parker #Curt Connors #Lizard #the Lizard #Nick Spencer #Vermin #Edward Whelan #J.M. DeMatteis #Dan Slott

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