#i knew he was gonna be pretty dead inside by the end of the season because i had seen gifs and stuff

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Okay so I have one episode of the newsreader left to watch and Dale is breaking my heart

[fountainpenguin]

"She's gonna cut my head off... but I don't caaare! They say, 'You clean up nice... Just like a dead man! Like a dead man!'" (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 42 - “Raider Reunion (Martyn, Etho, Impulse, BigB)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

“Hey, everybody! Welcome back. My name is Josh, and we’re glad to see you here. Pleasure to meet you. Mumbo; it’s been a while. Etho! I just saw your twin and niece. He’s good with kids. She’s… not.” You both know this guy? BigB tries to sneak a glance at either one of them, but the only response he gets is Mumbo’s shrug. “I’m BigB,” he tells the enderman, still focused on the man’s neck area more than on his face. “I don’t shake. I’m an illusioner underneath the moth mods; from knox ZnHeITtk HTvkH IkItn. What are you guys doing out here?” If his terse refusal to touch hands bothers Josh, he doesn’t show it. He does, however, break into a wider smile. “Well, thanks for joining us today. We’re setting up for one of my favorite games: Is There a Limit? Specifically… Is there a limit to how many people we can have waterskiing behind a dragon at the same time?” “… What’s waterskiing?”

Scott gave BigB until sunset to talk to his old raider friends. BigB didn't bring a clock.

Meanwhile, Impulse seeks help for his goo problem and Martyn breaks into Cleo's house. Just a typical day in New Star Station...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

InTheLittleWood

Location: Approaching wool farm, North New Star Station

🖤  🌕  🖤

Are you sure you can handle this? Every twitch in Martyn’s form screams at him to voice the question. Spikes and feathers twist inside his hearts. Nostrils flare. Maybe that’s why Bdubs blurts out his words without thinking them through: because keeping a shut jaw fills a guy with alligator wriggles. Technically, the proper way to sort out this lack of faith would be to take it to the sparring ring, but Martyn can’t do that either… Not with Rosejoy’s rippling muscles a hand’s breadth from his own. Hey, she has claim on the Fox Dragon’s turf. That can’t be an accident. And if it was, then it’d be just my luck that lightning strikes her twice.

“You did all right out there,” Martyn tells her, which is less direct than asking why she challenged Impulse in the first place. You think she knew she’d lose upfront? Huh. Maybe she gets drunk on the way people talk. They’ll have gossip and clip compilations for days.

Chunky fingers tighten around his own. Martyn looks down to the wobbly eyes of a much lower-XP phantom hybrid clinging to his hand. “What about me?”

“Aww, you too, slugger. You really showed Baker what-for. All tuckered out now, are we? Yeah…”

Lucky rubs a fist across his eye. It hides a yawn, but Martyn’s hearts spring forward like rabbits when the arrows come a’flyin’. The foxes he hatched would’ve liked to eat rabbit, actually. Martyn pats Lucky behind the shoulder, but throws a glance to Rosejoy to see if she caught what just happened there. And the stare she returns, uh… answers that question pretty dang well.

Sleepy kid. His energy’s dropping fast. The portals are still down, so there’s no dodging this by jumping AFK. We need more food. If Bdubs will listen long enough to follow orders-

“Aw, Lucky’s gonna love hanging with me,” Rosejoy butts in, thwapping him with the end of her tail. She caught Martyn on the way, which was probably the point.

And you’re sure? he wants to ask again. Lucky’s a member of the New Star flock; he’s never been alone with Rosejoy before. Mental ping after mental ping fires down Martyn’s spine. Rival captain bad. Rival captain take or kill. Brrr. That’ll wake you up in the morning. That’ll give you shivers all the way ‘til bed.

“So, what’s the big guy’s story?” Rosejoy asks, moving a few steps away. The shift of her wings and the grimace of his lips paint a picture Martyn only dares to imagine from the outside looking in: Two flock captains testing one another’s boundaries; they maintain a truce ‘cuz someone outside told them so. It sure ain’t instinct keeping the rules intact. She continues, bouncing every step. “Who would mod out of being a phantom with a wingspan like that? I bet wind resistance runs from him!”

Oh, it does. The glitter in her eye ripples Martyn to his core. The swing in her tail’s a little too lax for a guest who’s got everything to lose with raiders in her home. The soft smirk’s a little too wide. She doesn’t want to lead him aboveground… Does she? Will the Lone Spruce refugees even be allowed aboveground when the coast is clear? Unsure. And Martyn wonders then, with a quickening through his hearts… whether Impulse - if offered the chance to rejoin a flock - would actually say ‘Yes.’

I mean, I don’t see any reason Scott could refuse him, right? Impulse can fly. He’s got the wings, the strength, the speed… If the phantoms get to go, why wouldn’t he?

“Ah, just medical reasons,” he says anyway, clinging tighter to Lucky’s hand. “Nice guy. Just super pent-up, if you know what I mean. I just feel sorry for his wife. He can’t target anymore, y’know? There go the love hearts.”

“He can’t hunt?”

“Lost his soul teeth. We keep him fed.” We have a system. He’s with us. So back off. He can’t ascertain from her silence whether the implication came across, printed in his tone, but at least Rosejoy doesn’t press the topic harder. Seriously, she hovered around Impulse enough back there at the squall- Did you hear the stuff she asked him?

There should be enough souls left in storage to keep Lucky going. Martyn looked through the mess with Bdubs last night. Bdubs still has a few in his soul pouch, but whether he shares is anyone’s guess. Like Hels he will, Martyn gripes, because Bdubs already made his position quite clear when he caught Cleo offering a feed: That’s the captain’s job. And he’s not the captain.

Really, though? To refuse a kid? Technically Bdubs didn’t refuse Lucky, but Martyn’s not about to ask him to share. Not before exhausting all his options. And maybe not even then.

We prep the nest. I feed the kid. Simple, simple two-step plan. And if it comes to it, there will be no asking. It’ll be a demand straight from his mouth to Bdubs’ ears. And the boss better listen up if he knows what’s good for him.

Their first stop is for more blankets from the wool farm. Last night everyone was restless, off and on the roosting platform for hours. Martyn brought out the board games and Bdubs did a little improv show - a little open mic night - but the fewer souls they’ve got on hand, the more exhausted everyone will get. What’s wrong with a little cuddle pile? Aw, roosting’s such an effort. Nobody says that, but they could! And you don’t grow up to be Martyn InTheLittleWood unless you’ve learned to be prepared.

Mumbo used to compliment me on random stuff in my inventory. Cleo too, but this is Sad Times About Mumbo right now. Martyn is trying very, very hard not to think about Cleo. Just check the moon and her AFK status if you wanna take a crack at why.

“Lucky, keep your hands behind your back. You’ll spook the villagers, remember? They’ll run.”

“Okay.”

“That’s why I wear the hoodie,” Rosejoy says, keeping back. When Martyn shoots a glance at her, debating whether to shoo her even farther off (Because let’s be real, three approaching phantoms would get anyone’s hackles up, even if they’re on foot), she just smiles. “You go on and do your thing. I’m barracking for you.”

The villagers regard Rosejoy with way too much apprehension to approach the fence. Martyn can read it in their shoulders; not even Meriwo will get close, and it’s the village headman. Martyn pulls his hoodie sleeves over his hands and hops the fence the old-fashioned way. He can’t speak the villager language and New Star’s mobs sure as hell aren’t sparked, but he’ll find a way. He’ll use bold gestures with his arms.

“Oh, this’d be so much easier if they didn’t scramble off when they see sign language.” Or if I had BigB and Cleo out here.

❤️ Read on AO3

[scekrex]

Hi! I’ve been feeling pretty bad about being Queer a lot recently, (No idea why, probs just seasonal depression) not necessarily in a internalized Homophobia typa way (tho I guess I do have some of that and I have to thank being raised in the south for that ig) but more in a “Oh yeah… a large part of the world wants me to be dead” typa way. Especially this year as there’s going to be/have been a lot of milestones that have reminded me that my life is going to change a lot soon.

I honestly just want Adam to tell me everything’s gonna be fine, in his own Adam way, which definitely involves cursing, probably a lot of cursing, can’t be an Adam fic without it. Maybe some smooches, tho that could 100% just be my simping coming in LMAO.

Your fics honestly make my day whenever I read them and they’ve become my go-to source of serotonin for the day when I’m low. I also made this request mostly to say thank you for putting in so much effort towards your request. I love your work a lot and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! 💜💜💜

I'm so sorry you feel that way and I really really hope this fic helps ya through it - even if it's just a little. I tried to let Adam act as much in character as possible while also making it fluff <3

And I know the weight of the world can't crush my chest

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, implied depressed!reader

note: not beta read bc fuck you

Adam banged the door to your shared bedroom open which caused you to flinch and hold the blanket you had pulled over your head even tighter. “Rise and fucking shine, bitchboy,” his voice was loud, he wasn’t yelling, he was just speaking loudly to make sure you would hear him no matter if you were asleep or awake. “Leave,” you quietly responded, your voice was shaking and you sounded like you had been crying for a long time - which you hadn’t. But you were not doing well mentally and the least thing you needed in that moment was Adam telling you to simply suck it up and push through. You had been sucking shit up and you had been pushing through for so long and it only caused you to end up worse.

You felt how the mattress lowered as he sat down next to you. His hand came down to rest where he suspected your head to be, gently pulling the blanket away. The strength to fight against that, to yell at him to simply fuck off and leave you be was not within you anymore so you simply let it happen with a sigh. Why couldn’t he just listen to your words, why was he always doing the opposite of what you said? Was he trying to push your buttons? Well, that time it didn’t seem like it, because when you looked up at him concern reflected in his usually confident eyes. A thing that made you wonder if it was about to turn out differently from what you had thought. “Okay what the fuck crawled up your fucking ass and how the hell do I pull it out without fucking destroying you?” he asked dead serious and despite his weird way of wording it, he actually seemed worried - not only that, he had also offered you help. You had the chance to tell him how to help you.

There was just one tiny problem with that: you had no idea how he could help you - you didn’t even know how you were supposed to help yourself because you weren’t aware what the problem was to begin with. You knew that you felt down, that your body felt like there was no energy left inside of it to keep you going. You felt like sleeping all day and all night for the rest of forever, but that simply would not do. So you remained silent - why speak when you had nothing to say and the energy of your body was almost non existent? Adam sighed at the response he didn’t get and gently ran his hand through your hair - where all those gentle touches came from you didn’t know but you did know that you needed them more than anything. And that was why you leaned into his touch without hesitation. Your eyes fell shut and your body focused on Adam’s touch.

“There ain’t shit I can do, huh?” His voice was quieter now and you appreciate him lowering his voice a little very dearly. That was when the brunette pushed the blanket away entirely and just as you were about to complain about it he replaced it with his wings, pulled you close against his chest and kissed your head. “You fucking know that I have no freaking idea how to properly comfort your sad ass,” and while the way he phrased it would’ve caused others to think that he didn’t care at all, you knew better. It was simply how he talked, even during serious situations. It was his coping mechanism that you had learned throughout the years with him.

You wrapped your arms around the taller angel as you pressed your face against his chest, giving in to the urge to hide away from God’s eyes - from Heaven’s eyes. “Just stay,” you mumbled into the fabric of his shirt as you inhaled his scent deeply. He gave you comfort. The world could turn against you and yet Adam would stay, that was something you knew and that knowledge gave you the comfort you needed. And so did his body warmth, his scent, his presence, the touch of his feathered wings against your bare skin.

Adam sighed again, then he spoke up again, “Whatever the fuck you’re going through, you’re not alone, got that? I won’t fucking leave you to yourself to rot.” You smiled against his chest, placing a soft kiss onto the fabric that covered up his skin as a little thank you. A thank you you were unable to voice, afraid you’d fully fall apart. You didn’t want to cry, not when Adam was doing his best to make you feel better and though you knew you were allowed to cry, you swallowed the tears and simply embraced the comfort Adam was providing.

And for a single moment the world seemed to stop for the both of you and the weight on your shoulders felt less heavy.

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

This is a PREDICTION-NOT a spoiler—for Hazbin Hotel

I think Angel Dust is gonna die.

I’ve been thinking he’d probably be the sacrificial character for the conflict this season, mostly b/c we’ve definitely seen the most of him, so the emotional impact will be the greatest.

Also b/c the writers have talked about how one of the main cast would die the first season. I also think it’s Angel b/c of this shot form the trailer:

Charlie seemingly visiting Angel’s room and laying a hand on the door, before breaking down into tears. This hints at something pretty devastating happening, and to me it makes the most sense that the context of this scene would be Charlie grieving Angel after his death.

Now I could be SO SO wrong. It’s kind of insane to imagine the writers killing off who is, arguably, one of their most popular characters.

But the only other thing I can think may be happening in this scene is if Angel decided to leave the hotel, or maybe he’s inside talking to husk or someone else about how he feels he’s been failed by the hotel and Charlie heads him and is sad? Or something ??? Idk.

But it does seem like he’s the only character we know enough about to be affected emotionally by his death.

That said, if that DOES end up happening, I don’t know if Hazbin’s writers will have the courage to keep Angel dead or if they’ll reverse it somehow. They could make reviving him somehow work, but it’d be a bit of a stretch, and killing a character like Angel dust also kinda feels like something that would potential only be done for shock value.

I can see the writers come up with something like —Angel Dust dies in the initial fight with heaven, but he dies selfless-ly, sacrificing himself for Husk or Cherri or Sir Pent—he dies, the cast is all sad—maybe even Alastor—now Angel is martyred and hell has something/someone to fight for (although tbh idk why’d they care but eh)

And then maybe while all that’s happening, Angel’s soul reconstitutes or he’s reborn in Heaven—proving that the Hotel works/that sinners can be redeemed and so Sera puts an end to the exterminations. Or some shit.

Idk. That wouldn’t be GREAT writing imo, but it’s the only way I can kind of see them wrap this season up. I honestly wouldn’t MIND that sort of ending honestly, b/c it could be more impactful if we just had more time in this world or KNEW what constitutes a “good person” or what happens to souls when the die forever etc.

Again I don’t think that will happen but it would be at least as clean of a warp I can think of on season 1. Idk we’ll just have to wait and see.

[yiiiikesmish]

welcome back slow horses fandom. it's the season finale 😭😭😭 i don't even know what i'm going to do with my life after these 52 minutes (it's so short!!?? why will smith why??)

anyways for the last time this season spoilers below for s4 ep6. have fun reading my thoughts. hopefully there will be a lot of thirsting about river bc i love him.

SHOOT TO KILL ON RIVER??? EXCUSE ME??? tell him diana river is a baby he wouldn't kill anyone without good reason (or by accident but whatever)

thank god patrice didn't think to check for phone. and that river hasn't lost said phone.

damn that's a fancy ass restaurant. i'm scared.

HELLO DAD HELP I SCREAMED I WAS NOT PREPARED. I KNEW IT BUT AGALLAJDHLAGHSLEINZJWK

once again if you skip the title credits i don't trust you. it's a masterpiece.

on the credits bit i hope next season they put written by emmy winner will smith. they need to highlight that. my man won an emmy for his brilliant writing. they should be shouting it from the rooftops

this bitch didn't send my baby birthday cards after his 9th birthday but she had the audacity to tell louisa to remind my son i exist. bitch.

i want you locked up i'm so proud.

he might believe he's unappreciated but let's all remember lamb would absolutely secretly freak out if river disappeared for reals

i feel like i'm at a ted talk. that's my sassy baby right there i love him so much. he's so pretty i can't

ok i have agree with frank. maybe it's my hate grandpa david but he def keeps river around like a pet

this conversation is grand. look at river standing up for himself and being sassy and smart. i'm so proud.

i love toddy and his mistletoe chair.

istg marcus if you're about to go gambling i will murder you. walk into that bookie and see what happens i dare you.

go louisa. girlboss

that baldspot on the back of lambs head actually stresses me tf out. babe your hair is so greasy and ik greasy is you thing but you'll be bald at this rate

moira WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU STUPID STUPID WOMAN.

two train tickets to europe? start over? build a relationship? what are we in a romcom? hello???

fuck you, and stay away from my grandfather. i'm so proud of you my lovely baby boy

gotta give it to frank that murder plan is hot. slicing the femoral artery is hot. fave way for hypothetical murder.

babe you're not subtle WHY WOULD YOU WARN HIM THE DOGS ARE THERE

no SHUT UP MOIRA YOURE NOT HELPFUL

oh thank god roddy didn't get shot

well outside the restaurant is a disaster

oh did he get shot. and he's gonna be a baby about it lmao

please i can't stop laughing he's so dumb STOP STRUGGLING YOU STUPID FUCK YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GET THAT GRENADE OUT IF YOURE ACTING LIKE THIS. thank god for louisa

oh my fucking god moira stop fucking moving you're not helping

i love louisa and river's friendship. it's actually so important to me.

GO COE SLAY EMO BOY

is it bad i kind of hope patrice like... wins? he needs a win i hope he gets something

ow??? that was uncalled for frankly elevator stairs HURTS those poor civilians

RUN BABYGIRL RUN DEFEAT YOUR FATHER

NOOOOOO THEY KILLED PATRICE that's so sad omg HE DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING

oh wait he didn't die. yay!!!

genuinely why are two slow horses faster runners than a team of dogs. don't dogs like.. run for a living??? oh it was artistic decision got it

SLAY SHIRLEY SHOOT THE MEAN MAN

omg SHUT UP MOIRA

YES LAMB YES SHIRLEY SLAY what a bunch of icons (not u moira i don't like you)

OH SHIT HE KILLED MARCUS. oh no poor shirley

smart boy river i'm so proud. i dont know how to say this without it being incredibly weird but like i feel like a proud mother hen but also would fuck him so fucking fast

immediate ick don't call my baby son

don't fucking son me gagged i'm so attracted to you river cartwright

wait patrice is alive??? (i'm sad bc marcus is dead but like yay!! patrice is alive!! he's a baby!! look at him he wants to die that's a sign of sadness inside!!)

marcus and shirley were platonic soulmates you can't change my mind.

GO COE GO (actually love him for that. shirley would've spiraled if she shot him even if it was for marcus. coe knows what's up) (but also sad bc patrice lowkey slayed and kinda sad he's dead)

my son river GET MY MANS NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH LITERALLY SHUT UP YOU FUCK

kinda obsessed with franks accent ngl it's fun

wait what failsafe. i'm now very scared

OH FUCK THATS THE FAILSAFE?? HEAD OF SERVICE??? damn that's some failsafe.

lamb cares a shit tonne about his horses you can fucking fight me over that.

ok moira i don't like you but you slayed that convo starter with whelan. whelan i'm so disappointed in you i really thought i'd like you and boom your actually a dick with zero thoughts (i really thought you were secretly smart dammit)

oooh i like that jacket rivers wearing.

damn they finally forced david into assisted living. that sucks :/ but like also maybe river will be able to stop being so worried all the time. oh my poor baby river this is so hard on him too.

river loves his grandad so much i feel so bad for him.

i love river and lambs relationship. they hate each other but also respect each other and would definitely protect one another even if they complain the entire time and i love that for them.

NO THE SEASON IS OVER. WHAT HAPPENS TO FRANK THOUGH. WILL THEY LET THE LETTERS BE PUBLISHED OR COMPLY WITH FRANK. I NEED ANSWER oh next season preview slay

preview thoughts:

RODDY HAS A MANBUN?

WAS THAT RIVER AND LOUISA KISSING NOOOOO WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDSHIP BESTIES at least louisa looks mildly terrified (istg river get your feelings straight)

omg river and coe are gonna be besties??? (how did this man get beaten up in the face and pink liquid all over himself while coe looks flawless and clean in that emo majestic type way of his??)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIFE IS AWFUL SLOW HORSES IS OVER AND WHO KNOWS WHEN SEASON 5 COMES OUT

[ayvuhs]

the jennifer incident :: an umbrella academy fic

hello my baddies! i finally wrote a pretty good story and im excited to share it with you guys <3

i wrote this in like one day so sorry for it being short

~

UMBRELLA ACADEMY SPOILERS -all seasons but mostly s4 bc its just the scene at the beginning of s4 e4

teen klaus hargreeves x number 8 reader (they dont have a strong romantic relationship but its there)

reader is 16 or 17 so anyone can read !

warnings: death (from guns) so theres blood mentioned, one bad word, i call reginald just reginald bc i cant even write him as a father 💀

17 years being Number 8 in the Umbrella Academy and all the missions are the same thing. We get sent on the mission, defeat some bad guys and everyone cheers for us. Everyone is tired of it but Reginald won't give us a break.

Now it's just another mission and everyone is running around trying to get ready. Luther is being the little suck up to dad and attempting to hype everyone up.

I'm trying to pull a clearly-drunk Klaus out of the empty bathtub. "Are you kidding me? You just got back from rehab!"

"I'm California sober, y/n!" he remarks, slurring his words. This boy needs serious help, but I still love him deep down.

After our mission briefing, we all get in a jet to go to the old warehouse. We're supposed to locate and destroy a deadly weapon stored in shipping container. Something just feels so off to me. Perhaps it was from how suspicious Reginald sounded when he told us to not open the container. I hold tightly onto Klaus' hand the whole flight there.

When we get there, I instantly get the bad feeling again. We sneak inside and I'm staying closely in between Klaus and Allison. We finally come across the large, white container and Ben insists that he is able to handle the job.

"Go- I got this," Ben whispers assuringly.

"Okay, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Y/n, you're with me. Let's go," instructs Luther.

We follow him to distract some lurking bad guys until we hear what sounds like Ben talking to someone. The group runs back to the container and we see him looking into the giant tank.

Luther is the first to ask the obvious, "Ben! What the hell are you doing?"

"There's someone in here! We have to get her out," he whisper-yells back.

"That wasn't part of the plan."

"So what? You're gonna blow up an innocent girl?"

"But dad said-"

"I don't give a fuck what dad said! We need to help her."

"Ben, wait!" Luther tried arguing back, but knew there wasn't stopping him so he had to call for backup. Through his earpiece, Luther called Reginald. "Dad, we got a bit of a problem."

Ben reaches into the tank, pulling the girl out. After they both climb down and onto the floor, I am able to see who it is. It's a young who has long dark messy hair in a ponytail and is wearing a giant white dress.

"Okay, let's go. Ben," I say to try to get us to leave.

But right as the two make full eye contact, a shot is heard. Ben falls to the ground. Another. The girl in the white dress drops down next to him.

Behind the two was Reginald, holding a small shotgun. "I told you not to open the container," he scolded.

I stare in horror, Klaus wrapping an arm around my shoulder and his other hand covering his mouth in shock. I don't even need to look over to know that Diego, Allison, and Luther had our same reactions.

He wouldn't- right? Right...?

"Ben..." I whisper quietly, my voice shaky, Klaus hugging me tighter.

The two lie dead on the floor. The young girl's white dress slowly getting stained dark red from the blood spreading.

i dont know how to end stories but i hope you liked it!

[shadows0meone]

Arcane season 2 spoilers!!

okay so I don't usually post anything, and I'm not expecting anyone to see this, but oh wow I need to word vomit.

Obviously it was amazing, that was a given, but it was so different to what I was expecting, not that I really knew what I was expecting. I haven't looked at anything other than the episodes so this will probably be repeating things other people have said lol.

First little theory I have is that vi and cait are going to end up paralleling jinx and silco. There's the we'll show them in the beginning, and vi almost wanting to prove herself to cait and obviously the scene in the tunnels in ep3. But also there's the teasers we've seen of vi as a pit fighter kind of losing herself it looks like, she could be speed running a jinx arc. I don't think it will actually be a jinx arc but I think parallels will be drawn. Then cait taking on this role of leader in a divided nation to fight for all ends against the other one, fueled by tragedy. Which sounds a lot like silco. Also I might be reaching here but the red inside when ambessa put the coat on her immediately made me think of silco.

And jinx!!!!!! I'm so hoping that she gets some peace but I really don't think it will happen. In the trailer we can kind of see her being forced to take up this mantle of ruler when it's pretty clear that at this point she just wants to die. Her and sevika killed me I can't lie. It'll be really interesting to see the same happen to viktor as well, especially since he seemed more willing. They've been similar since the beginning I think and it's so cool to watch them both be led down the same but opposite paths. And jinx stepping up as silcos successor might actually kill me.

Mel has quickly hit into my favourite characters as well. Just as all her planning comes to a head it's all destroyed, then the power she has in the aftermath is constantly being undermined by her mother. And if elora is dead she's allowed to go apeshit like she has all the reason she needs.

Also jinx and cait having exactly the same thoughts about loss and struggling against each other fueled by the same thing. Obviously neither of them can die because they've got to show up in the game but I reckon it's gonna be close and honestly I don't think it'll be jinx.

Anyway I watch arcane with my dad who does not want to hear my wors vomit out loud and I don't want to say it out loud and miss something so the pages I used to write out my thoughts are attached (for funsies) also two pages of shitty doodles from immediately after finishing it (mostly jinx) because I might redraw some of them properly who knows

If you actually read this, my bad I wasn't expecting anyone to

[justonemorewallflower]

Finally a cousin BSG update!! Took me a while as I've been working on other things/haven't had the time to collect all her thoughts into one thing haha.

This will be Season 2 Episode 18 Downloaded through Season 3 Episode 17 Maelstrom! As well as Razor! So I have to cover almost an entire season haha but it's okay! Since I have so much to cover in this one I will only really share her reactions to big events/twists or anything she said that I just found funny. Also obviously of course, major spoilers!!

Razor she thought was interesting, I think she was on the fence on how to feel about Shaw but ultimately didn't really like her. She still hates Cain too, Razor didn't change her opinion on Cain at all which is fair.

She was upset about the whole faking Hera is dead thing.

She was surprised/interested to find out there's a Six who sees Baltar in her head like Baltar sees her.

She was very concerned/confused about Chief and his breakdown thing where he had beat the shit out of Cally. She became even more confused when at the very end of season two it showed him and Cally together and Cally pregnant. She thought they could be cute during the scene where Cally like forgave him, etc. but she didn't know how to feel because of what he had done to her.

I'm not sure how she felt about the Caprica resistance getting rescued but she was annoyed because that meant Kara and Sam and she was super uncomfortable/annoyed during the scene where Lee walked in on them kissing and Kara introduced him to Sam lol.

She was a bit annoyed about Laura and them trying to rig the election but she understood it too because she also did not want Baltar as president.

For the end of season 2 my cousin expected Gaius to win the election for president and even mumbled something about how he's not gonna be good at it. In the one year flash forward she was slightly confused, wanting to know what happened between the election and then especially between certain characters (like Kara and Lee). She was also taken back and mad when she found out Kara was married to Sam lmao, she was like "Married?! Excuse me?!" 😭🤣 And then when the Cylons showed up she wasn't really surprised, mostly just annoyed as she sighed.

Beginning of Season 3 with all the Leoben/Kara stuff she absolutely hated it and she hates Leoben. She got even more annoyed and confused/worried for Kara when he introduced Kacey. She thought Kacey was actually their child until she got back on Galactica and her mom took her back and then she felt bad for Kara.

She also felt bad for Tigh and was annoyed at Ellen for frakking Cavil.

She had pretty much guessed/knew that Gaeta had been the resistance's inside source and was really annoyed when the mass shooting/execution had been about to occur, as well as the suicide missions/bombings. And she was super annoyed when once back on Galactica the circle was trying to convict him of treason and send him out an airlock. She was relieved when Kara got him to admit the truth which ended up saving him. She was mad that they killed Jammer and was actually relieved when Sam had left the group she was like "thank you you're the only smart one" and she was PISSED when they asked Kara to replace him.

She found Lee being fat humorous and was mad again when she found out he and Dee were married also.

She was glad that Tigh poisoned Ellen as she felt she deserved it and never liked her anyway. Her hatred for Ellen is lowkey funny because literally almost anytime she was on screen she would get immediately annoyed and/or disgusted.

When Balter was questioning if he was a Cylon or not my cousin was like I could see it that would make sense but she also just wants him to be the special human haha. Rn though Baltar is one of her guesses for the final five but she doesn't really know for sure lol.

She was kind of annoyed with the episode Hero.

She was glad for Unfinished Business and how it explained things that had happened during the time jump and she was loving/hating the tension between Kara and Lee. She had loved the scene between them on New Caprica, smiling like a dork during it, and was confused and upset when Kara married Sam the next day. She was very upset about it because she was like "we could have had Kara and Lee!"

She also thinks Laura and Bill are really cute and wants them to get together already.

She wasn't really surprised about Kat's death, she had kind of expected it, knowing how someone was gonna let their radiation levels get too high and try to be a hero and she guessed it would be Kat. She was pretty neutral about it as she didn't necessarily hate Kat but she didn't necessarily like her either.

She was originally confused when Athena had Helo shoot her before realizing why and she was happy she got her baby back.

She was really annoyed when Kara got shot down on the Algae planet and Lee refused to let Sam rescue her and the arguing about Kara between those two because of it and then how Lee sent Dee to rescue her and the interaction she had with Kara. She was also just annoyed with the scene with Kara and Lee in the raptor and discussion divorce, etc.

She reallyyyyy wants to find out the final five and it's bugging her so much haha like when D'Anna saw them in the Temple she was nearly begging "show one of their faces, do it! Show a face come on!" 😭🤣

She was SUPER upset about Kara's death haha she said "she better be a Cylon or come back somehow" and I'm just over here like well... she does but only to disappear again later haha 🤣😭

She's very much in distraught right now and purposely had that episode be the last one we watched that night because she didn't want to move on to the next episode yet as that would either confirm her death and have everyone grieving over her or not and she said she's not ready for that yet and needs some time haha.

She and I will be watching more today and will likely probably get to either beginning or quarter of way into season 4.

I can't wait to see her reaction to finding out 4 of the final 5 as right now it doesn't seem like she expects any of them. Maybe Chief just because of his whole questioning himself thinking he's a Cylon thing but she didn't really believe it so I think she'll be surprised, especially since that isn't the first time he's hinted at being a Cylon. She definitely doesn't expect any of the other 3 and Ellen she probably will be mad about since she hates her haha but she won't be surprised.

I also can't wait to see what she thinks when Kara returns and what theories she ends up coming up with regarding her and he return, etc. I wonder if she'll think she's a Cylon like I had or not. I'm also just curious to how much she'll like her character after she returns since she's pretty different just because she's so focused on trying to fulfill her destiny to lead humans to Earth and seems crazy because of it.

I also can't wait to see her reaction to cult Baltar haha she'll probably be so weirded out. Same with the weird Six/Tigh plot line.

***

I feel like I'm missing some things but I'm not sure haha I covered a lot so I'll just leave it at this!

[cagedchoices]

RELATIONSHIP META - MAEVE & CALEB (PART II)

[PART I]

Way back when I started my Dolores & Caleb meta series, I did it by talking about their first encounter in chronological order instead of episode order. I did it that way to better organize the timeline as a reference for writing and maybe even make it easier for other people to understand the story without actually needing to watch Westworld because I know season 3 was not everyone's jam.

I have less problems with the way Maeve and Caleb’s story was handled through season 4, but I'm keeping to a similar pattern here for consistency and to again hopefully make it easier for anyone who hasn't seen the show to be able to follow the story anyway. Most of this is to explain that I'm going to jump around a little to talk about some flashbacks shown during 4.04 - Generation Loss and 4.06 - Fidelity before I actually start talking about 4.01 - The Auguries.

Sometime after the conclusion of the season 3 finale, Maeve and Caleb head out on a new mission together. They case an old lighthouse structure on a remote island, with a plan to destroy the final remaining version of Rehoboam, the AI that controlled humanity through data collection and predictive algorithms.

CALEB: What happens when this war is over? MAEVE: I imagine that we…go back to our regular lives. CALEB: What does that look like for us? MAEVE: Let's hope we have the luxury of finding out.

Beyond the scope of war, Caleb has…almost nothing really going for him. Maeve has the idea of being reunited with her daughter to look forward to, at the very least. Even if it never happens, what matters to her is that everything she’s done is ultimately to ensure her daughter’s safety no matter where Maeve herself personally ends up.

But for Caleb, there’s not even much of a regular life for him to go back to. A job and a place to live, sure. But what’s he gonna do if he doesn't need to work a second job as a criminal? What if he has some actual free time to spend with friends and family? Most of the friends he made last season are dead, and the only family we knew he had was a mom who didn’t recognize him as her son.

I think Caleb almost fully expected he’d be dead by now too, and that he wouldn't have to worry about finding a new purpose in life anyway. But since he's not dead yet and after this, the war should be coming to an end, he has to start thinking about the future again.

I do, in my portrayal, choose to interpret this as 'Caleb and Maeve are in love with each other' and so I see it as Caleb trying to express that he WANTS a romantic relationship with Maeve, without specifically saying it in those words. Because really there is no context in which he can say anything like that where it doesn't sound insane.

I can take the shipping goggles off as needed though, and see it as meaning Caleb would like for Maeve to remain a part of his life in a platonic way. Either way, the idea is that he doesn't want her to just go away because the war is over. He’s hoping she will stick around.

They execute their plan pretty much perfectly like a pair of old pros, fighting their way inside the building. Caleb plants explosive charges around the structure Rehoboam is fixed to and arms them, and he and Maeve manage to make it back outside to safety just as the sphere falls to the floor and blows up inside the building.

A guard comes running toward them while they are both vulnerable on the ground and Caleb spots him first, so he shoots. But the guard shoots too and neither of them miss the shot. Caleb kills the guard, the guard wounds him in turn.

The realization hits Maeve that Caleb has just been shot and she hurries him on his feet and brings him a safe distance from the lighthouse before trying to tend his wound. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot she can do for him, but she has some gauze pads that she uses to put pressure on the wound and try to stop the bleeding.

A single screencap doesn't do it justice at all, but there's a brief moment where Maeve moves her left hand to press gauze over Caleb's wound, he puts his left hand on top of hers, and then she puts her right hand on top of that. After she presses the gauze down on the wound, she slips her left hand out from under the hand pile and places it back on top, then pulls the hem of his shirt back down with her right hand. At that point, Caleb's right hand, which is holding onto the shirt, slides down toward the pile of hands and he reaches his fingertips toward Maeve's.

I go feral every time I think about it because Caleb is the only human Maeve has allowed to do something like this since she escaped the confines of the park. Anyone else and she'd most likely object to them touching her without permission, but not Caleb. And not just because he's dying either.

CALEB: I guess I’ll never know. MAEVE: You’ll have to be more specific, Caleb. CALEB: Life after this… Freedom. MAEVE: Caleb... Look at me. You want to know what freedom feels like? CALEB: What are you doing? MAEVE: I can hack into your limbics. I felt it once. A long time ago. I can show you… Feel.

Maeve uses Caleb’s limbic implant to share a memory of her narrative loop in Westworld as a homesteader, walking through a sunlit field with her daughter near their home. It’s the one that she first remembered as a dream from season 1.

People are generally pretty surprised that Maeve’s idea of freedom has anything to do with being back in Westworld, but I don't think it's really *about* the park itself. She just wants Caleb to be able to experience something LIKE a simple, peaceful life. Besides which, she lived in the park for 35 years and she's only been in the real world for maybe 1 year at the most by this time.

Another flashback shows Caleb in a hospital operating room being resuscitated while undergoing emergency surgery, showing exactly how close he came to dying in that moment. Maeve is anxiously watching through a window on the other side of the room.

During the next sequence of flashbacks, which happens over top of Caleb fighting against yet another life-threatening wound in the present-day, Maeve explains that unlike Caleb's perception of what happened, she did not just drop him off and disappear on him forever.

After the doctors revived him and got his condition stabilized, he was in a coma that nobody really seemed sure he would pull out of, and Maeve stayed by his side in the hospital almost the whole time he was unconscious.

What little we know about this is that it forced her to confront human mortality in a way that she had never needed to before. She was torn between fearing the worst, that Caleb might never wake up or get to enjoy life in a free world and this would be the end of him— or hoping for the best, that he would wake up and go on to have the good life he was previously denied.

I just kind of imagine that since nothing about Caleb's condition had changed while Maeve stuck by his side, she decided to give it a rest and step away for a while, clear her thoughts, maybe think through what the best options were for this situation. It would have to be pretty insane for her going through all of this.

She's the only one who can advocate for Caleb because she knows him the best and she’s his closest friend and she's there, but at the same time she is a host and she was never designed with any of this in mind. And she's having to make a choice for a human who rests somewhere in a liminal space between life and death where she's not sure if there is a right or wrong answer.

In one of Caleb's memories shown during 4.06 - Fidelity, he recalls regaining consciousness and Uwade waiting to examine his vitals. He's still got a tube in and Uwade greets him with "I see you've decided to rejoin us. Welcome back to the world", so it must be the first time he's waking up. Maeve isn't anywhere to be seen, so my best guess is she wasn't in the room at this time.

We next see Maeve standing outside Caleb's room, looking in through the window, while Uwade tends to him. It does feel to me like she planned on going in to see him here now that he was awake, but then when she saw how Caleb smiled at Uwade and Uwade smiled back and generally just observed how gentle and affectionate this nurse was around him, Maeve felt that was exactly the kind of thing Caleb deserves to experience. He could fall in love with Uwade, maybe get married and grow old together with her, maybe raise babies with her. Things Maeve knows she can't facilitate. So instead she leaves.

Caleb has another flashback set sometime after, in 4.06, where he has a short conversation with Uwade. This almost certainly would only have happened after Maeve left, given what both characters say and how they react.

CALEB: Did she come back? My...friend? (Uwade lowers her gaze and shakes her head) CALEB: Right. UWADE: Long shift. I ate your pudding. Gotta get back to saving lives. (She stands and walks to the door, pausing and turning her attention back to Caleb) Caleb... Even if your friend doesn't come back...stay awake anyway?

By the events of 4.01 - The Auguries, it has been 7 years since all of this happened. Maeve is living in self-imposed exile, a remote woodland cabin surrounded by forest and snowy mountains. She's alone, sitting in front of the fireplace as though meditating. She starts to interfere with a radio she has on, using her ability to remote hack electronics. The broadcast turns to static as she seems to be trying to tune to a specific frequency.

She reflects on her past in the park with her daughter, and Clementine, and then with Hector. She remembers them dying at various points in her life. Then she thinks about Caleb. She remembers watching the destruction of Los Angeles with him at the end of the season 3 finale, and then taking on that mission together where Caleb got shot.

While she’s remembering this moment in particular, the emotional impact of Caleb getting hurt draws her into reliving the experience as it happened. She accidentally shorts out the radio with her powers, and even though her house is off the grid and running on a generator, the current bounces back through the grid and that triggers a chain reaction which then causes the entire county to experience a blackout. The outage gives off a unique signal that attracts the attention of Charlotte Hale-Dolores, who now knows where Maeve and Caleb are, and she quickly sends out enemies to track down and kill them both.

Around the same time that Maeve is trying to find Caleb through the grid, he is at work. He’s trying his best to move on but that’s hard because he’s got severe untreated PTSD and everybody else in the world is getting ready to celebrate the anniversary of the thing he nearly died for. His coworker doesn't even know what the point of the war was, he just knows it was inconvenient and thinks Rehoboam wasn't all that bad.

In a behind the scenes featurette: Creating Westworld's Reality - Season 4 Episode 1, co-creator and showrunner Jonathan Nolan, actor Aaron Paul, and production designer Jon Carlos had this to say about Caleb as we find him at the beginning of season 4.

JONATHAN NOLAN: Seven years have passed since the end of the previous season. So we find our characters, in some cases, in radically different circumstances. But for Caleb, the situation hasn't changed very much. We find him right back where he started at the beginning of the third season.

AARON PAUL: He's haunted by his past, and so he just cannot shake the feeling that he's being followed. He can't shake the feeling that the war isn't really over.

JON CARLOS: [...] We start to see the emergence of graffiti, as exposed on the exterior of his house. There's weeds, there's a little bit worse for wear. And I think similar to the look of his face, you know, a bit more gaunt, a bit more unshaven, unkempt. And it's the world he thought he wanted, but he doesn't quite seem happy.

At least a few things have changed for Caleb. He has a wife, he has a daughter he would do practically anything for, he lives in a bigger and better house with them as family. He has a human coworker now. But he’s gone back to being a construction worker again. He’s haunted by yet another traumatic memory he doesn’t know all the details of. And the only person he might be willing to talk through that trauma with is long gone.

As for what Maeve's been up to... She stopped at the local general store in her area to pick up a bottle of wine and left with a wood axe and a scoped rifle after the store owner told her some friends of hers stopped in asking for directions to her place. She caught up to her uninvited guests as they were waiting to ambush her and dealt with them, recognizing them as other hosts from the park, with one sharing the likeness of Colonel Brigham from season 2.

Plugging into the leader's head, she discovered he was working for William and realized that if they found her, then there's a good chance they were after Caleb too. She torches the cabin to destroy any evidence she might be leaving behind, and sets out to find Caleb before William's guys do.

Back at home, Caleb is going through it. Mentally, at least. As mentioned earlier, it's the anniversary of the end of the war. That in itself is a PTSD trigger, but adding to it, Uwade has been giving him a hard time about teaching their daughter his vices, dismissing his concerns as sheer paranoia, and generally treating him like he's consciously choosing to remain traumatized and unhappy. And he's not really able to let any of these interactions go, because they keep coming back up and making him feel worse every time.

Caleb tucks Frankie in for bedtime, but hears a noise outside which triggers a trauma response; hyper-vigilance. He heads downstairs to grab a gun and head outside to confront the threat, but Uwade catches him and talks him down. This leaves Frankie worried and unable to sleep, and she hears the same noise again later when she’s alone in her room. She gets up and looks outside to find a raccoon rummaging through the neighbor's trash and is about to go back to bed when she accidentally drops her teddybear out the window. She sneaks outside to retrieve it around the same moment Caleb decides to empty out the kitchen trash.

Maeve arrives at Caleb's home just in time to save him and Frankie from attack by an enemy host modeled after Walter, another Westworld host.

There's a lot of unease around the way Caleb first reacts to Maeve's appearance. He sends Uwade inside with Frankie before confronting Maeve and that’s likely because he’s not sure if she's the real Maeve or if this is a more elaborate trick. When he realizes she really IS Maeve, almost if not all of his hesitance and apprehension falls away immediately.

MAEVE: Hello, darling. CALEB: It's really you. You know, I thought… I was sure I was never gonna see you again. MAEVE: And yet here I am, disposing and dismembering, just like the good old days. CALEB: If something happened to my daughter, you have no idea— MAEVE: I have every idea. Which is why it won't come to that. I know who sent those men after us. William. He's back at it.

I still wonder when where and HOW Caleb learned about William. I can only assume he knows roughly the same things that Maeve knows with maybe a few details left out, but assuming anything without evidence in Westworld is a dangerous game.

Maeve prepares to leave and go after William-Not-William alone, and Caleb is determined to join her despite Uwade urging him to think of their family and stay put. He has already made sure that some old teammates from his and Maeve's war days will keep Uwade and Frankie safe while he's gone, putting his friend Carver in charge.

CALEB: I always knew this day was coming. As soon as you stop running, everyone else starts to catch up. Any idea why now? MAEVE: I don't know. But I had a little tete á tete with the one they sent after me. We're not the only ones William was after. He seemed very interested in talking to a senator in California. CALEB: Then we should get to him first. MAEVE: "We?" CALEB: I'm coming. It's the only way I can protect my family. MAEVE: I'll be fine on my own. You can stay here. You probably should. CALEB: Would you? MAEVE: No… but I'd regret it.

I noticed at some point, which means I can't not notice it anymore, that they both started out using “I/you/me” statements in the conversation initially, like they were trying to maintain a degree of separation since their circumstances are different to what they were 7 years ago. But Maeve still slips into a “we” statement and then Caleb meets it with the same energy in return. Maeve calls him out on it even though she started it, but neither of them really can afford to linger too long here, so they each withdraw into only using “I” and “You” again.

Also, I love that upon Caleb asking if Maeve would stay if their roles were reversed, she gives a little expression like “that’s not fair” but she knows he’s right and there’s no talking him out of going with her. They set off together on a long drive to what I’m guessing is meant to be Northern California despite the fact that the filming locations are all based in Southern California.

4.02 - Well Enough Alone picks up with Maeve and Caleb on a long drive to the estate home of Ken Whitney, a California state senator, to question him about his ties to William. Maeve makes a gentle remark about Frankie and tries to engage Caleb in a conversation about his family and how his life has changed since they parted ways, but he's a bit reluctant to talk about it. He's more interested in what Maeve has been doing with herself since she left.

MAEVE: Your daughter… She's lovely. A credit to your wife's genetics, no doubt. CALEB: Yeah, she and her mother are the best thing that ever happened to me. MAEVE: Well, to be fair, that bar was rather low considering the life that you'd lived prior. CALEB: So this cabin you were living in…did you see other people? MAEVE: I was alone. CALEB: Maeve, if you would've told me, I wouldn't have— MAEVE: Oh, I didn't say I was lonely. CALEB: Well, if you were happy being alone, why bother coming back? MAEVE: To save your life at the last available moment, clearly. CALEB: (Chuckles) You know, I could've handled that. MAEVE: Please.

He wants an explanation as to why she up and left for 7 years only to come back *now*, but…he doesn't just want to ask her directly because he knows she will avoid giving him a straight answer.

The truth is, Maeve did miss him because that's what drove her to go "I wonder how he's doing" and inadvertently endanger him in the process, but she is not about to admit THAT.

It does also strike me as funny that of all the possible ways Caleb could have asked Maeve what she's been up to in this cabin of hers, he picked the one that sounds the most like what an ex might say to an old flame of theirs during some awkward reunion. “see other people-” I mean. come on. As if that’s not commonly used as code for breaking up to date someone else.

They pull into the driveway of the senator’s estate and make their way toward the house. They go inside and Caleb stays hidden while Maeve meets with Senator Whitney.

MAEVE: Good afternoon, Senator. SENATOR: Good afternoon… You’re Anastasia’s friend? MAEVE: I didn’t mean to interrupt. SENATOR: Oh, she should be ready any moment. Anastasia? ANASTASIA: Are you ready? We’ll be late for the opera. SENATOR: It's your friend…? ANASTASIA: I'm sorry, do I know you? MAEVE: We have a mutual acquaintance. I believe he dropped by just the other day with an associate. His name's William. SENATOR: Who the hell are you? ANASTASIA: I’m calling security. (Caleb approaches with a gun drawn, aimed at the senator’s wife) CALEB: Let’s keep this between us. SENATOR: If he thinks he can send you two here to try to twist my arm— (Maeve shoots the Senator, sending him backwards into a small glass coffee table. Anastasia drops to her knees beside him and sobs.) MAEVE: That’s not your husband. You’re hosts. Just like me. HOST ANASTASIA: Took you long enough.

Caleb prepares to shoot Host Anastasia, but she tackles him through the glass and throws him around in the ensuing fight. Maeve battles the Host Senator, trying to shut him down using the classic "Freeze all motor functions" command, but it doesn't work. She shoots him in the groin to incapacitate him instead, and then saves Caleb from being strangled by Host Anastasia.

The two then question the senator about his purpose, who he works for, and what happened to the original senator.

MAEVE: Who are you? HOST SENATOR: An emissary of the new world order. MAEVE: How many more are there like you? HOST SENATOR: As of now, 249. CALEB: Oh, Jesus… MAEVE: The original senator and his wife…What did you do with them? HOST SENATOR: I did as I was instructed. MAEVE: Show me. [...] Oh. Well it's actually worse than I thought.

Maeve reviews the host senator's memory files and discovers that William is working with Charlotte Hale-Dolores. The Host Senator killed and replaced his original human predecessor so that they could sway legislation in William and Hale's favor, making it possible for them to open new Westworld-derivative parks in America. The real senator's wife, however, wasn't killed outright. She was taken to a horse barn out back to be held prisoner as part of some experiment.

Maeve and Caleb arrive at the barn to investigate and come upon the slain, mutilated bodies of the real Anastasia's horses, and Anastasia herself in the middle of dismembering her latest victim.

CALEB: Is this another host? MAEVE: I'm afraid this is the real Mrs. Whitney. CALEB: Hey Mrs. Whitney? Anastasia? (Anastasia pauses and looks toward the intruders) CALEB: It's okay. We're just here to help. ANASTASIA: What happened to my horses? CALEB: Hey. (Anastasia brandishes her knife at Caleb) ANASTASIA: Stay away! CALEB: Alright. Hey. ANASTASIA: (Humming) You're invited. It's opening night. MAEVE: I beg your pardon? ANASTASIA: Your old friend is anxious for a reunion. CALEB: What? ANASTASIA: Don Giovanni. We can't be late. Now…I've done my part. It's time to do yours. CALEB: What part? ANASTASIA: Free me. CALEB: I can't do that. ANASTASIA: You don't have a choice. CALEB: Wait! (Anastasia tries to slash Caleb with her knife. Maeve shoots Anastasia in the head, to his horror) CALEB: What are you doing? MAEVE: She was already gone. And she may have been human…but she wasn't like any human I've ever seen. (They both start to notice a strange black goo oozing from Anastasia's head instead of blood) CALEB: Oh my god.

Offscreen, sometime in between the end of the stable scene and their next one going into the arts center, Caleb and Maeve stop to pick up some black tie attire worthy of opening night at the opera. I imagine it went similar to Dolores and Caleb suit shopping in season 3 and that Maeve picked out a tuxedo *for* Caleb, prompting their next short exchange.

CALEB: Did it really have to be a tux? MAEVE: Far be it from me to limit your sartorial choices. Anyway…you don't look entirely awful. CALEB: You don't look too bad yourself. MAEVE: Why, thank you. CALEB: You think this is a trap? MAEVE: Most assuredly. CALEB: Can you use some of your magic, see if there's any hosts inside? MAEVE: Working on it.

While Maeve scans for enemy hosts, Caleb calls to check in on his family and relay some info to Carver about what he and Maeve have discovered so far. He tells Carver to get Frankie and Uwade out of the city for safety and to bring backup to the opera house, which he shares the coordinates to.

Maeve's scan returns no sign of other hosts inside the building, and they move into the noticeably deserted theatre, with nothing but a lone gramophone record playing Don Giovanni positioned on stage. Maeve stops the gramophone's needle, activating a hidden elevator leading underneath the stage.

MAEVE: Well, I suppose that's our cue. CALEB: Are you armed? MAEVE: You have the gun. I have this. (Maeve gestures to her head) CALEB: Yeah, but I think that you should have a gun as well. MAEVE: And what is that supposed to mean? CALEB: It wasn't exactly smooth sailing back there with the senator. MAEVE: I told you. He had a few upgrades. It's nothing I can't handle.

Naturally, Caleb doesn’t argue a point any further than that, but he’s still not feeling particularly confident that Maeve’s got this as under control as she thinks she does. I don't know what he's so worried about. She's only saved his life about 3 times in less than 24 hours. It's fiiine.

They make their way down a long hallway reminiscent of the scene in season 1 where Young William enters a door leading into the bar car of the train to Sweetwater. The door opens into a speakeasy that is filled with other people, and the first thing Caleb and Maeve do after Caleb quickly puts his gun away, is head to the bar and order drinks for each other.

BARTENDER: Afternoon. What can I get you? CALEB: Uh. Sherry for the lady. Thanks. MAEVE: Mm. CALEB: You, my friend, are a creature of habit. MAEVE: Sazerac for the gentleman, but… easy on the absinthe. Because you, my friend, are a featherweight with drink.

In my research shortly after this episode premiered, I learned that a Sazerac is a combination of rye whiskey or brandy, bitters, sugar, and absinthe and it’s known for having among one of the highest alcohol by volume rates a mixed drink can attain. Mostly because of the absinthe, known for its ability to get people really drunk really quick, but rye whiskey can be pretty potent in its own respect too.

So Maeve teasing Caleb about being a lightweight, while at the same time ordering him the booziest booze on the menu, and her only stipulation was not to put too much absinthe in it, is genuinely so fucking funny to me. Either Caleb really IS a featherweight and after knocking back 1 or 2 of these puppies they would've been in for a riot of an evening. OR Because Maeve is a host, she has a much higher tolerance for alcohol than most humans, so her idea of a lightweight could be what the average person would consider a heavyweight and Caleb can hold his liquor against her fairly well...up to a point. It could've taken several refills just to get him to mellow out a little bit.

None of it really matters though, because Caleb doesn’t take a single sip of his drink before he starts dwelling on the past and prodding Maeve about their last mission together.

CALEB: So…are we going to talk about it? MAEVE: "It" being… CALEB: What happened at the lighthouse. MAEVE: As I recall, I saved your life. CALEB: I meant afterward. MAEVE: What? We did what we always said we would. Got on with our lives. CALEB: My wife doesn't think so. She thinks I'm living in the past. MAEVE: War is not an easy thing to put behind you. CALEB: You seem pretty good at it. MAEVE: Well, I am an infinitely adaptable machine, darling.

Maeve knows because Caleb has done this at least twice already that he’s about to bring up a topic she really doesn’t want him worrying about, so she's ready to dodge it. But unlike the way Uwade handled Caleb's trauma moments by essentially telling him to just move on and think happy thoughts, Maeve knows that it's not easy. And really, she never moved on either, so she really understands it. But she also doesn't want to just sit there and keep encouraging Caleb to fixate on the past the way he keeps doing it. So in a last effort, she tries to redirect him to one of the GOOD parts of the past instead— being drinking partners.

MAEVE: You are really not the convivial drinking partner I was hoping for. (The entire room jolts suddenly, rattling bottles and glasses around the bar and forcing Caleb to brace against the counter) CALEB: Whoa. MAEVE: I should have known. CALEB: Known what? MAEVE: I ran away. Crossed the shining sea. And when I finally set foot back on solid ground…all I found was the same old shit.

The speakeasy is revealed to be the interior of a train car, which is now on the move carrying its patrons deep into the desert. Maeve and Caleb are trapped on board.

Caleb tries to call Carver for reinforcements, but he doesn't get cell service so far out, leaving the pair to figure out a new plan. They’re soon approached by a greeter host, one Maeve recognizes as New Clementine.

CALEB: So much for backup. I can’t get a signal. MAEVE: Well, we’re on our own then. WOMAN: Excuse me. I don’t believe we've met. I'm Sophia. I’m here to help with your reservation. CALEB: I don’t know if it’s under my name or yours, dear. Might need your help. SOPHIA: Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. Welcome. So glad you could make it. MAEVE: Oh, we wouldn't have missed this for the world. SOPHIA: May I have your device, sir? It helps to ensure your experience is fully immersive. MAEVE: We may as well, at this point. SOPHIA: Excellent. Please, follow me.

With how casually and willingly Maeve plays along with this act and doesn't make a single spirited or smarmy remark regarding being “dear’d” or about briefly pretending to be married to Caleb in the first place, I’m almost entirely convinced that this is not the first time they've pulled this trick off together. Please give me the forbidden height-of-revolution fake relationship shenanigans.

Oh, and I recently noticed in a routine ‘let's analyze this scene down to the smallest detail’ rewatch, when Sophia has her attention on them, Maeve makes sure to keep her left ring finger covered with her right hand or otherwise hides her left hand from view entirely, possibly so Sophia won’t be able to see she’s not actually wearing a ring on her finger. Caleb is wearing his wedding ring, and he doesn't hide his hand quite as consistently as Maeve does, but he does tend to keep it tucked in his pocket or angles his left side further away so it can't be seen as easily.

Sophia leads Caleb and Maeve into a dressing room containing bespoke suits on one side and dresses on the other. She gives them a familiar questionnaire.

SOPHIA: Given it’s your first visit— MAEVE: Oh, well not entirely. Although I see you’ve got a promotion. SOPHIA: I have a few personal questions. Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions? MAEVE: Uh. Died a few times, but I always come back in reasonably good health. SOPHIA: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. CALEB: She was joking. SOPHIA: Of course. And how about you? Any history of heart problems? CALEB: No. SOPHIA: What about mental illness? Depression? Panic attacks? MAEVE: No. CALEB: Why would that matter? MAEVE: He's fine. SOPHIA: And before it was shut down…did you ever visit Westworld? CALEB: Couldn't afford it. MAEVE: I was, what you might call, a regular. SOPHIA: Shall I assume, since you're back, you had a positive experience? MAEVE: It was certainly eye opening. SOPHIA: Of course. Now, would you please validate these waivers of liability, along with the consent to use your personal data in our beta trials. MAEVE: Why not?

I love what this scene did for the dynamic going into the new park. Caleb has no idea what to expect and he takes it so seriously because he’s entirely out of his element. Maeve, while she is answering truthfully, (aside from the part about Caleb's mental illness concerns, which is fair because yeah maybe Don't give your enemies more ideas for ways they can further traumatize you) she has a little bit of fun with it and is playful in most of her responses. She gets to be on the other side of these interactions as a guest for once and it is inherently exciting!

Sophia makes an advance toward Caleb while he is checking out suits and he seems like he just doesn't really know what to do with that. He kind of freezes and Maeve interrupts to rescue him by telling Sophia her services won't be needed. And then they go on about their mission.

Why Caleb froze so badly, I can only make guesses. It could've been that it felt weird because he is married, his pretend-wife is literally standing 6 feet away, this other host is not actually conscious so the only reason she's doing this is because she's programmed to, and beyond that funny business is probably the last thing on his mind at a time like this.

Caleb helps Maeve fasten a shoulder cape on her dress as a finishing touch to her 'fit, and Sophia checks in to finalize their wardrobe.

SOPHIA: One last touch. (She pushes two sliding doors aside, revealing a selection of black and white hats in popular styles inspired by the 1920s) Which do you prefer? CALEB: Never really been much of a hat guy.

Nothing gets me quite like Maeve rolling her eyes at the presentation of the hats, but also - she smiles when Caleb declines to pick any of them. What a good man, what a smart one. She was so proud of him for that, not buying into the heroes & villains, good & bad schtick.

The train pulls into the station and they disembark, stepping into The Golden Age, a 1920s-Chicago mob-inspired knockoff of Westworld.

… To be continued in PART 3 which should cover episodes 4.03 - Années Folles & the linear portions of 4.04 - Generation Loss.

[beyourownanchor6]

You're right, it's our hellsite. Home sweet home.

The cw multiverse was crazy. I love multiverses and multiverse theory but jesus christ dudette what the fck was that. Like... crisis on infinite earths is crazy. And i feel like the impacts of that event were never fully explored?? I mean. New universes. A bunch of multiverses pressed together into a new prime earth. What does that even mean?? Everyone died and was reborn but were the reborn versions the same as the original versions? Obviously not as all the wellses end up inside one wells. What does that mean for all the other alternative universe versions of the characters? How many deaths were just ignored? And why some characters who only existed in a paralel universe (like Supergirl) now exist in earth prime, but others (like jessie quick) don't?? The writers did not think this through.

Oh Black Lightning was great. The lead actor is super hot.

It's okay, i wasn't like traumatized or anything. I mean the first time my teacher froze and started crying and praying and wouldn't move so i, as the oldest kid in class, and also the only one other than the teacher who knew the protocols, had to take charge and keep my classmates safe and calm. I barricated the door, told everyone to move to the back of the class, and we just waited until the shooter was gone. I was pretty calm because i'd tutored the shooter the year prior, we were boys, so i knew he wouldn't shoot me. The second time was more stressful. I'd made a deal with my mom that i'd go back and finish high school if she went back and finished it too, so because of me she was also at the school during the shooting, so instead of barricading in place I grabbed a chair and left the classroom to stop the shooter before he could get to her. Thankfully i did not find him or i'd be ✨dead✨.

And oh that sounds like a great episode! I'm gonna look for it.

Omg i love venom and tom hardy is a hottie. Yeah the character is great! And i miss the marvel netflix shows too.

Ooh that's definitely a victory. Mine is still on the double digits. And I get that. I'm suddenly in the mood for thiam and it's like i got a bunch of steter and sterek in my read later i don't need to add a third ship to it. And this is just in the teen wolf fandom. And yay for 2 new books! And thank you! Good luck on your goals also!

Oh thank you for letting me know. Yeah same here. Can you explain beans to me? Is it like spoons? I tried explaining spoon theory to my mom but she didn't get it, maybe beans will be easier.

And niiice 😎😎

home is where the hellsite is?

damn, you just reminded me of so much cw superhero lore that i’d completely forgotten about, probably bc it was so out of pocket 😂 i feel like the multiverse episodes went nowhere essentially and definitely didn’t add to/make sense with the overall plots of the series separately like you said. it was like they wanted to get them all together like an avengers things but had no idea what they were doing or how to do any follow through. completely forgot about the wells thing. i think that was part of why the flash got annoying. they recycled that plot line way too many times, amongst others. they were just a disaster altogether, kind of like the shows themselves lol. i knew the black lightning actor from something else and really liked him, but was trying to get away from the superhero shows at that point lol.

oof, wow. i can’t imagine going through all of that, especially twice. that would be so scary. i’m glad that you were able to escape both unscathed and that you were there for your mom. glad you’re still with us today. also that’s really sweet you went back to school with your mom!

it’s season 3, episode 16! the whole series is amazing, i just rewatched it a couples months ago for the nth time 😅

i heard they’re supposed to be doing a new daredevil? i think a movie? not for sure though, maybe it was a show

oof double digits lol. i think the highest mine has gotten was like 11? i try not to let it get too bad but that doesn’t always work out lol. ohhh thiam, i have a whole list of recs i’ve been meaning to post for them! i’ve also written a few for them just to self promote 😆 i wish they had tabs to organize on the marked for later so i could keep all the fandoms separate

hmm i think it’s like spoons? but not sure 😅 i use it as in like, i’m really low on energy and don’t really have the “beans” to engage with this or that. so like, if i’m running low on energy i might not have the “beans” to interact with people and/or have conversations, but i have “beans” to doomscroll or watch tv whatever. idk if that makes sense lol

[thedaveandkimmershow]

There's a line in “A Muppet Christmas Carol” that goes

“How can they endure it?”

The words are spoken not long after Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come observe the aftermath of Tiny Tim's death among the Cratchit Family.

“How can they endure it?”

The answer, as Bob Cratchit considers it, goes something like this:

“Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I am sure we shall never forget Tiny Tim... or this first parting that there was among us.”

Still.

How can they endure it?

Yesterday, I lost a friend who’s been there from the very beginning of my career. He showed me the ropes while we were shooting a travel series in Europe back in the day. He taught me and modeled the how of how you make a TV show in the field.

I owe him.

This year started with the unexpected death of Kimmer’s uncle, a man I’d known for a pair of decades (at least) and for whom I wrote the obituary. We got the call 1AM the last day of last year and were down in southern California a little over twelve hours later to help with arrangements, his home, and his wife.

And then ten months later his wife died. Kimmer’s aunt. The woman with whom Kimmer spent pretty much the last five weeks of her life. Kimmer was back not even a week when we got the news.

Last year one of our dearest friends died, also unexpectedly. She was taken to the hospital while Kimmer was in California. At first this didn’t seem like a big deal. Right up until the moment the doctor informed Kimmer our friend was terminal. Maybe a few months.

Maybe a few weeks.

Maybe a week.

And then she was gone.

The year before that Kimmer’s dad died in the midst of the pandemic. She had a sense something was amiss for some time... and then it wrecked her when she knew for sure.

In the last few years, I lost a friend from my childhood. Which caused me to remember a childhood friend I lost when we were both children.

I still remember the police car driving passed me on my walk to school. The police inside the car were using their PA to ask if anyone had seen this grade school child who was missing. And then later that day found dead from drowning.

A few years ago at this time of the year, a friend died after a hit and run accident.

A dear friend of our family died on Christmas Eve many, many years ago. He left behind his wife and two young children.

Christmas Eve.

I can’t help but remember that every time the 24th rolls in.

One of our dearest friends ever died the slow death of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis across this season. It's a condition where eventually you suffocate because even the muscles that cause your lungs to work... stop working. 

He was our friend before Kimmer ‘n I were married. He was a fixture of our young adulthood, a fixture of our careers starting up.

We owe him.

I worked with someone who, years later, jumped from the Aurora Bridge. One of the sweetest people I ever met, whose death I learned about during a presentation of the local Emmy Awards organization, a presentation of professionals, co-workers, friends we all lost in the year prior.

I got to know a kid around this time of year who, a few months later, hanged themselves. I spoke at their memorial service. I wept at their memorial service.

I knew someone who turned a gun on themselves.

I knew someone who ended their life, alone in a car. We went looking for them... even though we were all pretty sure a body's all we were gonna find.

So yeah.

“How can they endure it?”

“How can they endure it?”

Well... how do we?

The answer, of course, is that some of us don’t.

Straight-up. Some of us don’t endure it.

For some it’s all too much to bear.

I know someone who for years didn’t spend time with family on Thanksgiving. They spent Thanksgiving with another friend who didn’t spend time with their family on Thanksgiving either.

Which tells you a bit of a thing about their relationships with their respective families.

And then one day one of them died.

So the other continued Thanksgivings on their own.

On their own.

And some people, is all I’m saying...

Are barely hanging on.

Right here.

In our midst.

Loss.

Is a helluva thing.

It wrecks us. It colors us black. It leaves in its wake both good memories and an emotional blast zone. 

The effects of loss. Are cumulative.

And we endure the emotional blast zone of loss by absorbing and transforming the blast within ourselves. We endure it with each other. We endure it together with our families. We endure it together with our friends. We endure it within our communities.

We grieve together. We remember together. We tell stories together. We weep together. Our lives move forward from that moment...

Together.

And while, yes, we are colored by loss, we are also colored by our relationships, our experiences, the life we shared with the people we lost. And those colors remain in perpetuity. We are changed forever well before our loss. And that change, those new and altered colors of who we are, is something that can be seen. Something that can be sourced. 

That change is an artist’s signature, in its own way, by the people who formed, transformed, and changed our lives along the way.

And that doesn’t disappear with time.

So together. Together we honor the people we lost in a multitude of ways that don’t end with a memorial service. We honor them from the moment of their death through to the ends of our lives.

We become the evidence of their lives.

Which is how we endure it.

Not everyone endures it, as I said. Not everyone can.

Why?

Because there is no “together”. There are no relationships. There is no community in their lives.

What there is... is isolation. 

What there is... is abandonment. 

What there is... is rejection.

What there is... 

Is loneliness.

The explanations as to why human beings are isolated, abandoned, rejected, or lonely are countless. There isn’t simply one reason. There are so, so many. Each one interacting with others. And others.

And others.

Whatever the reason or reasons, though, in their wake lies inevitable isolation, abandonment, rejection, and loneliness.

And that isolation, abandonment, rejection, and loneliness?

Yes. They inform and transform us. They warp everything about us. They deform everything about us. They color us in shades of anger. They color us in shades of hopelessness. They rob meaning from us. They leave us diminished. Less than we could be. They create a feedback loop crafted of dysfunction... or perhaps a self-reinforcing view of humanity through a mirror darkly.

And just so we’re on the same page, we can be isolated, abandoned, rejected, or lonely in the middle of a crowd. We can be lonely in a crowd. Alone in a crowd. Because we can be disconnected from the people we’re with. Because we can lack meaningful relationship with absolutely everyone.

Even the human beings standing right next to us.

A crowd, therefore, a large congregation of human beings, therefore, is not the same thing as proof of meaningful relationships. Is not the same thing as belonging in the way we need belonging as human beings. Our need for belonging isn’t met by a large group of people just as our need for water isn’t met by standing next to a sealed metal tank of water nor is our need for air met underwater or in space by oxygen tanks with no masks.

The mere presence of what we need to survive is not the same thing as what we need to survive. Is not the necessary and sufficient condition enabling us to live.

Or thrive, for that matter.

To be clear: the sign of loneliness is not that we’re hermits living far, far away from human civilization.

Is not is not is not.

And because we’re biased toward believing everything’s okay in the absence of overt evidence to the contrary, we don’t see what we can’t see when we’re not in meaningful relationship with the people standing next to us. Or anyone else, for that matter.

People are dying on the vine everywhere. There isn’t a time they’re not.

So when I say not everyone endures...

That’s what I mean.

And that’s why I mean it.

Now flip the coin.

Because in our own lives we have people we love... who love us right back.

We are literally not alone. Socially. Emotionally. Intellectually. Relationally.

We are sustained by our relationships.

We are sustained.  

By our relationships.

It's an engine that absolutely powers the lives we lead and how we lead them.

What's true for us, though, isn't true for everyone. So remember a few things for me, will ya?

It's not all good for everyone out there all the time. It's not. Across the entire year... it’s not.

Because beneath the surface, where no one can see, are any number of explosive mines that will cripple someone, a lot of someones. Friends, acquaintances, loved-ones.

People we don’t even know yet.

Also, please remember that no one, not a single one of us, is meant to navigate and experience this life alone.

Not one of us.

And most importantly, please remember that relationship is the coin of the realm, and spending that coin on other human beings is not, is not... nothing.

Seeing another human being for who they are where they are, hearing them, sharing crucial moments of their lives with them, is not... nothing. Investing ourselves, our lives, into someone else at the level of relationship is a living testament to their worth. It's an expression of their innate value in the face of everything else that cries Worthless!

And I don’t think it’s lost on anyone the struggle for worth, the struggle against worthlessness, that’s waging all around us.

I tell my daughter sometimes that she has specific advantages.

Which she objectively does. She knows what they are. Her abilities, her opportunities, her networks, her present... are crafted in a very specific way, were brought to bear in a very specific way with certain circumstantial elements that are, in effect, a recipe for who she is.

Circumstantial elements?

The people in her life. What her friends contribute. What the professionals in her life contribute. What her parents contribute. Where she’s lived. The schools she attended. The jobs she had. The networks that opened up because of all those things. The safety nets that exist because of all those things.

We talk sometimes about our passion for the work we do. The Creative work we do.

We talk sometimes about how a lot of other people don’t share that passion for the work they do. Which we can’t even fathom. You see, we’re energized by our professional lives while a lot of other people are drained by their professional lives. We’re stoked for what’s next. While a lot of other people live in dread of what’s next.

So we have particular advantages. We all do in our family. Not only in who we are but in how we are. The ways in which we enter into life. The ways in which we navigate complexity. The ways in which we’re able to communicate with a broad spectrum of people.

Which brings me back to Charles Dickens and “A Christmas Carol” in which it’s written that Christmastime is “the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.”

Not another race of creatures.

Bound on other journeys.

The specific reference to class notwithstanding, the sentiment can be thought of as people with fewer advantages and people with more advantages. People with a passion for living and people with a hopelessness for living. People who are thriving and people who are barely hanging on.

Dickens is right. We are all fellow travelers. Fellow travelers who are navigating Life. Fellow travelers who are troubleshooting break-downs. Fellow travelers who are calculating and re-calculating the way onward. We are all fellow travelers.

And like travelers on the road, we endure, we succeed, we prevail, we thrive...

In relationship with each other.

☺️

[remotely-attached]

My weekend plans were foiled by lots of snow. Another record breaking snow season and another event lost to the fluff of white feathers.

Earlier this week, i asked him for a hug because I was sad. I was feeling the tinge of missing him after being away for week all week and then away pup sitting in my old town. He hugged me and suggested we do something together “lunch?” I asked. “I was thinking like going to see a movie” he said.

Of course while I knew I shouldn’t feel it, I was excited, happy, relieved that maybe he missed me too. I was letting the feeling of his love and him overtake my thoughts and those things that hurt were slipping behind the facade of nostalgia.

So when my weekend plans went down, I asked if maybe we could do that movie and he said “yes”.

Only today, after a snowstorm, I found myself shoveling snow all by myself while he went off for a haircut. When he came back, he saw me using a metal shovel and asked why. I told him because it was soft and I needed to break up the ice before it froze over again. He offered no help, and walked inside. He came back out…. And asked if the internet had gone down. I noted I didn’t know because I’d been shoveling since he left for his haircut. And he walked back in.

He packed up to leave for his friends house and when I asked what time he’d be back, he said “something reasonable like 8/9.” I asked “so then we’re not doing a movie?”

“It depends on what time I get back and if you still want to watch a move”.

If there was ever a way to knock me back into remembering why we ended this, this was a reminder. A lazy, selfish kid who has no care for anyone but himself. So. Now I’ve a new idea.

I’m gonna be as nice as I’ve ever been. To the point where it seems I’m the best version of myself. And when he moves into a tiny bedroom of his best friends parents house as he moves into this THIRTIES, and feels like he’s lost it all, I’ll remind him he has.

And when he has no personal space and realizes that he buried his own depression grave and he realizes he had it pretty good, I’m gonna pray that it hurts his heart like hell. It’s not enough for him to be sad anymore. I want it to CRUSH HIS SOUL. I want him to feel full of regret until his heals from his debt.

That will be the last time I ever show my vulnerability again. Shame on me for keeping my heart so obvious. But while you think you’ve got the upper hand, let me remind you that this woman you’ll never touch again is strong as fuck and will continue to thrive without your dead leaves dragging me down. Fuck you.

[multifandomwhore-003]

Lost

Requested by: Gaiath

Pairing: Elliot x female! reader

Summary: Dating headcanons.

Genre(s): Fluff, smut.

Warnings: Slight mentions of drug use, POSSIBLE SEASON TWO SPOILERS, mentions of sex.

Taglist: @wolfstarkiss @prettiestgirlontheblock @marina-del-rey98 , join the taglist here

𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚗

REQUESTS OPEN, REQUEST HERE

THIS IS NOT FREE USE, YOU CANNOT USE MY WORK

Reblog if you like

-Elliot wasn't really 'the relationship type' of guy, in fact, when you both started to hang out, you both agreed it wouldn't be something serious

-But he couldn't help himself to fall head over heels for you

-He was a pretty chill guy that handled his emotions and impulses pretty well overall

-But you, you actually drove him insane

-He sells stems online, which are only samples that can later be used in songs from another artist

-Though he found himself having an abrupt interest in writing for you, and now he can't stop

-Like, he's writing five songs per minute insane

-Suddenly he's Taylor Swift

-Which in the end becomes a good thing because he's making more money

-He's either very passionate or very shy around you, no middle ground

-One day he's in full-on 'puppy love' mode, following you around, staring in awe, listening to you speak for hours on end

-And the next he's fucking on to you like it's the last thing he's gonna do

-He's experienced, evidently, so he knows exactly what he's doing

-But experience has also taught him that communication is one the most important things when it comes to sex, second to consent, obviously

-Most of the times sex with him is not too sweet or too rough

-The main focus of the whole thing is you

-Feeling you

-Touching you

-Hearing you

-Seeing you

-Pleasing you

-It's no coincidence he was the first to say "I love you" while cuddling in the aftercare

-It took you a minute to process it, but then you responded with a wide smile

-I have a feeling he likes to stare at you the entire time

-The way your face gets all flustered

-The way your lips part while repeating his name like a prayer

-The way you squint your eyes so hard because your body had run out of options to express the arousal

-The way your back bends as if squeezing your system like a lemon to let it all out, all the times he begged you to do it, even if it was in a row

-He knew how to handle drugs, he's a smart little shit, but the only thing he could overdose on any day of his life is you

-You were so lost in each other it could be scary at times

-Because there's nothing you wouldn't do for him and vice versa

-Your song is this, you can't convince me otherwise:

-Okay, moving into more fluff

-Every damn song and stem he composes have to run through your approval

-Some of them were super cheesy and vulnerable, some of them were strong and impactful, he was too good at what he did

-You loved most, if not all of them, and you were happy for him to find a way to get money out of what he liked

-Even if you didn't always agree with how he spent it

-Which brings me to my next point, gifts

-I can't shake the feeling that he'd be the type of boyfriend to buy you anything that reminds him of you

-Like, suddenly you'd find your favorite candy randomly inside the pockets of your clothes, or your favorite flower in between your school books

-He never admits doing it, he enjoys the way you stop dead in your tracks and the way your face starts glowing out of happiness

-But when it comes to serious occasions, he goes out of his way to get you exactly what you want

-You'd read for each other, but when he does it, he asks a billion questions, and you didn't find it annoying, it was adorable to see him all confused

"Wait, are they- Why does it make it sound so complicated, it's just sex"

"Is he really dead? Oh, shit he is... damn"

"But if she's with- No, because they broke up, right? Didn't they?"

-He likes to get all philosophical and romantic right when you're about to sleep

-He plays with your fingers while staring at the ceiling

-Just opening a random conversation that ends in how small humans are and how're we're so selfish we fail to realize we are part of something a billion times bigger than ourselves

-He makes you laugh way more than he should sometimes

-You both have a mutual understanding of your facial expressions that allows you to talk without actually saying anything, and when he's genuinely uncomfortable his gestures are hilarious

-Whenever you stay at his place he makes breakfast, he's not the best at it, but in the end, it's edible

-He not so secretly loves to watch chick-flicks with you

-He may not cry or get too excited about them, but they're more for comfort and distraction

-This bitch loves cartoon shows unironically

-Pretentious or childish

-He also loves animated films

-You cannot tell me "I lost my body" isn't one of his favorites

-Especially since he saw it under the influence, and it hit ten times harder than it should've

-That's all I got for now

-I'm horrible at ending headcanons

-Sorry

-Anyway, love you whores

-Bye

[xiao-isms]

Hello I just recently found your Sub Xiao things and oh my god thank you for the food 😍😍 If ur taking requests, Reader with a strap on with a dildo that can vibrate, and Xiao taking it ? 👀 Multiple orgasms would be fun, but anything you write is excellent so I don’t mind where you take this 😳

— dirty.

character. xiao

content warnings. multiple orgasms, semi dirty talk, verbal humiliation, cum eating, a little bit of cross-dressing. note that reader does have a strap-on but i tried to make it as gn as possible !

word count: 1.7k words

voicemail. agshs thank u sm anon! i really liked writing this one so i hope you enjoy <3 ps sorry if the ending is rushed, i recently started uni so ive been superrr busy lately

you slid a hand up xiao’s milky thigh and underneath his blush pink pleated skirt with a mischievous grin on your lips. halting for a moment, you took the opportunity to squeeze that soft, meaty flesh that you loved so dearly, pressing wet kisses and angry red hickies across his skin. once satisfied with your work, you pull away and lift your head to look the mighty yaksha right in his now watery eyes and archons, you doubted even the lord of geo himself would believe you if you told him how pathetic his war-hardened adeptus looked at this very moment, all from a few simple touches. the sight was laughable, really; his hard cock protruded from his pretty little skirt, precum already beginning to stain the garment, accompanied by a face so flushed you swore you could see steam emerging from the top of the other's head. you grabbed the man by his chin and yanked him forward. "you're fucking disgusting." the words came out a bit harsher than intended but xiao, oh xiao, he loved it. he loved it when you made him feel absolutely deplorable; when you broke him until he felt like he couldn't be fixed. he didn't respond, just looked at you with hunger, like he was silently begging you to fuck his brains out.

you could feel a primal need rumbling from deep inside your chest. “does that turn you on?” you asked with a cheeky grin that only seemed to be getting larger by the second. the petite man whimpered in your tight hold, nodding ever so slightly but much too embarrassed to give a direct response. “how naughty of you, xiao. so shy, and yet so, so dirty.” you interlocked your lips with his, sliding your tongue in his small mouth as soon as you got the chance. it was messy and sloppy and it felt like xiao hadn’t kissed anyone a day in his life, saliva running down the sides of his pointed chin while his mouth hung open, completely pliant, but it was so hot. you were the first to pull away which only made the adeptus whine in a desperate, high-pitched voice.

“so needy,” you whispered in the shell of his ear, rubbing his sensitive sides. “you want it? you want my cock in you, pretty boy?” he makes a sound of affirmation, one that you can’t quite make out, but one nonetheless. xiao shouldn’t be acting like this, he knows he shouldn’t—he’s a yaksha, a seasoned demon slayer, and yet, whenever he’s with you like this, he just can’t seem to control himself. he thrusted his little hips into thin air with vigor in what seemed to be an attempt to get some kind of friction, something—anything—to soothe his aching, leaking dick. “ah, ah,” you hummed, gripping his waist so tightly you were both positive there would be bruises there the next morning. “the only way you’re going to cum tonight is with my cock plowing into your tiny hole.”

the way his face contorted slightly and his brows furrowed while fresh, blood-hot tears ran down his flushed cheeks only spurred you on further. you spread his legs as far as possible, yanking both his cute panties and tight skirt off, throwing it behind you without care. you haphazardly coated your fingers in saliva before inserting them inside your boy with newfound fervor, eager to fuck him until he couldn’t think straight and was unable to scream anything other than your name. he moaned and cried and whimpered as you pumped your wet digits in and out of his hole. the adeptus whined, he was so close, so close, but he desperately wanted to be good for you-- and there's hardly anything that he wouldn't do to achieve that, even if it meant holding back his own orgasm. you scissored your middle and index finger, adding a third once you were sure xiao was stretched well enough. soon, you were able to thrust your digits in back and forth freely while the other's body continuously spasmed and shook with close to unbearable pleasure.

too impatient to keep waiting to enter the small man, you pulled your fingers out entirely, the act ripping a loud wail from your lover. "wh...w-why'd you stop?" the words were slurred and almost incomprehensible—it sounded something akin to what someone drunken on sex would say, certainly not a powerful immortal such as himself. the question truly makes you wonder if he'd actually been paying attention to your previous statement or if he really was that incoherent already. how cute, you hadn't even started and here he was, a drooling, stupid mess. you didn't respond, instead opting to press your lips against his, thrusting your tongue deep into his mouth once again. whether or not he understood you before didn't matter, the night would end the same way: with xiao becoming an inchoate husk of a being, only able to give as much pleasure as he received.

quickly, you fastened the harness onto your waist, clicking the straps in place. the plastic toy connected to the o-ring of the strap-on was useful in more ways than one; you knew the both of you’d love it as soon as you saw it. slowly—or, as slowly as you could, patience thrown to the wind long ago—you slid inside of your boy with ease, his breath hitching in the most adorable ways. you smirked and wrapped your fingers around the small device that activated the dildo. “are you ready?” before the man under you had a chance to answer, you clicked the 'on' button, the sex toy whirling to life. for a second, you thought you could see hearts in xiao’s teary, amber eyes. he looked so, so beautiful like this; spreading his legs and moaning for you like a cheap hooker. nimble fingers landed on his waist once again, allowing your hips to slam against the meat of his thighs. his mouth hung agape in shock at the sudden movement, whimpers and whines spilling from those pretty, swollen lips. "a-ah! mmph, p-please go s—oh!—" the words seemed to have fallen dead on his tongue due to a particularly well aimed thrust, hurling him forward. every little movement felt so good, like he was on cloud nine, and oh god, don't even get him started on the way the pseudo cock vibrated in him, making his head go blank with overwhelming lust. he could feel that familiar heat stirring in his abdomen, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

"mm, 'm gonna cum, ooh, g-gonna cum, p-please!"

with one more rough, domineering push of your hips, he came over the newly washed bed sheets. you slowly came to a stop and slipped your fingers over the head of his now softening sex, swiping away a hefty amount of your lover's seed and putting it towards his face. "open.” you demanded, inserting your moist digits in his mouth. his red, puffy lips wrapped around them, lazily licking you clean. "good boy," you praised as you pulled your fingers from him. "do you like that? you like eating your own cum like a filthy whore, hm?" he didn’t respond, apparently much too fucked out to even nod. you pulled the man’s cheeks together, leaning down and pressing the tip of your nose to his own.

“i asked you a question.”

his mouth opened slightly at the deep, commanding tone of your voice; he was trying to answer you, he was trying to be good, but his mind was so fuzzy he could hardly breathe. with much struggle, he moves his head up and back down. the action was hardly noticeable with how subtle it was, but you took pity on the poor yaksha, placing a kiss that he felt was almost too gentle considering the current situation. you heard a whimper erupt from xiao and a small, close to inaudible humming sound could be heard within the quiet room.

oh.

you had forgotten about that.

the adeptus trembled underneath your form with overstimulation. he feared he was going to cum again, untouched; he could feel it in the way his dick was beginning to harden again, the way the muscles in his stomach churned and tightened in the most delightful ways, ways that made him feel lightheaded and painfully aroused. you were silent, watching your lover’s face scrunch up with a glint of pure lust clear in your half-lidded eyes. you begin to rock your hips back and forth again, only moving a centimeter an inch this time. xiao couldn’t stop thinking about how good you felt inside him, how his slick walls clenched and unclenched around your barely moving cock, making the smallest squelching noises.

it was all so filthy.

with that thought, the warm coil in his lower body burst and he was positive that he was seeing stars from how hard he’d just orgasmed. it was ego-boosting, really, knowing that only you could touch him like this, look at him like this. you hummed, increasing the pace of your thrusts until xiao was crying and incoherent, garbled whines falling from his mouth. “s-sen—o-oh fuck!” tears clouded his vision as you abused his prostate, taking advantage of that sensitive spot inside him. with heavy breaths, you leaned down to look at him directly, the smell of sweat and sex prominent on both of your bodies. “you’re such a good boy, xiao,” you commended between grunts and quiet moans. you brushed his messy hair back so you could see the pleasure on his flushed face, planting kisses on each of his cheeks. he keened at the attention, throwing his arm over his face to hide from the embarrassment.

“you take my cock so well, such a brave boy.” you knew he loved to be showered in praise more than anything, even more than he loved to be pinned down and degraded. he felt as if he’d cum at any second, the way the silicone toy felt inside him was more than exhilarating and your occasionally words only added to that addicing feeling. nimble fingers wrapped around the base of his dick, hard and dripping precum, preparing itself for its third orgasm. you finished him off with just a few strokes, his small form twitching with overstimulation. you slowly came to a stop and cupped his red face with your hands.

“what am i ever going to do with you, baby?”

[lemonnsss]

Eli Moskowitz x Male!Theatre Kid!Reader Headcanons

A/N: Sorry this isn’t a fic, I’ve been sick all week and I’m now starting to get over it, I plan to have the fic matching up with the HCs soon. Sidenote: I might make a part two. Without further ado

•Eli’s favorite musical has to be the phantom of the opera. I mean it gives an accurate representation of how shitty it is living with significant scarring in our society

•But TPotO’s soundtrack isn’t his favorite, that would be Heathers

•And even before y’all had met, Eli knew all of the lyrics to the entire soundtrack 

•When he heard that your school was doing Heathers this season he was so excited

•When it came time to go through… a completely different story

•Dimitri had to haul his ass back to school so he could watch it with his friend

•He was so nervous to go to the showing because he was scared that one of his karate bros would see him walk in and mock him for it

•Much to his surprise Miguel, Aisha, and Moon are all there and are about as shocked to see him as he is to see them

•Mrs. LaRusso would drag along all of the LaRussos there as well, just in a different section (We all know she supports the school & its students, even if she is a bit mortified after ‘Dead Girl Walking’)

•Even though he feels like he doesn’t need to be so guarded because he knows his karate bros are there and won’t mess with him he's still struggling trying not to sing (this man's initiative ended the moment ‘Fight For Me’ started)

•And when he first sees you, up on the stage, his eyes are glued to your figure. Mentally saying something along the lines of, “How can someone be confident enough to do that?”

•Babe, theatre kids are a whole ass different breed when it comes to being on stage

•Ngl thinks you’re really cute - everyone can tell

•When you look out into the audience during, ‘Me Inside of Me’ you don't expect to see anyone looking at only you, then you see him. 

•His eyes shine brightly with wonder, admiration, and attraction - so much so that you have to look away because of how flushed you are.

•Ram’s actor is just looking at you like you’re fucking crazy, “Bro, I thought Kurt’s actor and I were supposed to be the ay ones? Weird.” 

•After the show Eli always, and I mean always, checks when the next musical is gonna happen and what it’ll be

•The next show is Sweeney Todd, and this boy is excited

•When opening night hit he was practically vibrating with excitement

•Something he didn’t take into account is the burning rage he felt during the “Kiss Me” scene

•He ended up leaving early so he wouldn’t have to see you kiss someone (that wasn’t him)

•Later he felt bad for feeling that possessive and jealous over someone who wasn’t even his. It was then and there that he decided that the next time he saw you, he would ask you out

•Luckily for him when school starts up again the two of you share several classes

•And he never ended up asking you out every time he walked near your direction he chickened out

•Can anyone guess what happened after that…  he started dating moon 

•During their relationship, you never really ended up talking to him, although you were pretty good friends with Moon before the two of them started dating

•After Moon broke up with him though her immediate reaction was to call you and tell you he was single (and also to ask him out when he stopped acting like a dumbass)

•Once he started acting like he had a brain again one of the first things you did was ask him out

•Thank fucking God you did because  he would never, honestly he was so shocked that you’d even consider him after all the dumb shit he’d done

•I mean, honestly, why would any guy like you get involved with someone like him

•He ends up standing there so long that you think he’s rejecting you

•So once you start walking away he pipes up, “Golf N’Stuff, Saturday, 6 P.M. don’t be late,” to which you just nod your head

•He ends up being a few minutes late because of practice

•And y’all know that the entire dojo is non-discreetly stalking the two of you throughout the entire date until the two of you split up for the night

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"