#i kinned before i realized i was a fictive but like still

[unhingedkinfessions]

I’m one of two Fictives in this system that’s relevant to this story, and I routinely watch random videos on YouTube. I stumbled upon a video about Snufkin from Moomin. I’ve never heard of this show, I should say. When I was watching it, I was laughing “that’s so you” to my headmate—jokingly, at first. He ignored me. Then I started watching more videos of Snufkin and Moomintroll and then I had that sinking feeling of “that is literally us, isn’t it?” All while crying, I might add. I suppose I’m officially a Fictive with a kintype from a series I’ve never watched.

congrats on finding out fictives can kin too 🎉

[multiplicity-positivity]

hiya! c:

do y'all have any advice/tips or resources on how to tell the difference between a kintype vs a headmate?

I struggle with this sometimes and it's kinda hard for me to differentiate between them and I get really confused, and I've started questioning if my kintypes are actually headmates and I just haven't realized it yet?

I've been hanging around plural spaces for a while now and a lot of things about plurality and the community really resonate with me, so it's been making me question a lot of things about myself lately

I've been reading up on kinforms and it really struck me like woah! this is kinda what I've been experiencing!

but I still have a hard time trying to figure out kintype vs headmate >_< and could really use some help thanks! c:

Hi! This is a tricky question, and it ultimately may just be up to you to decide whether or not these kin experiences are kintypes or other headmates!

We’re not fronting with anyone who’s kin right now (though I guess you could call me fairy kin? I don’t quite feel like the kin experience fits me as it does the rest of my system though), but we’re cofronting with our otherkin members enough so I feel confident in our ability to at least provide some advice!

I think the biggest difference between something being a kintype and another headmate is degrees of separation. Our host, Parker, is dog-kin. He feels like and is a dog! He kins dogs and the canine experience really aligns with his own. So for Parker, that dog-ness is an inherent part of himself and his identity!

Parker is not fictionkin. So when he cofronts or interacts with our fictives, say Ralsei (hiya!) or Obi-Wan, he doesn’t feel like he is these characters. Rather, he can interact with them, have conversations with them, and feels like they share a place in his mind.

This is how we determine a headmate from a kintype. For us, we as individuals don’t really interact with our kintypes - instead, they function as core aspects of our identities. In contrast, we do interact and communicate with the other alters in our system!

We know Parker used to think he was Ralsei fictionkin before learning more about the system. Since our syscovery though, he’s been able to have conversations and interact with Ralsei, and has realized that Ralsei is in fact fluffs own part, separate from him!

This is the most we can say about this from our own experience. I’m sorry if it’s not very useful, or doesn’t align with the experiences of most others with kintypes! Regardless, we’re wishing you the best in figuring this out!

🌸 Margo and 💚 Ralsei

[gazing-at-my-stage]

hi question feel free to ignore if this is weird or anything but howd u find out that ur fictionkin and like whats it feel like

cuz most of the time i dont feel like im a human or anything (some of that could be self esteem issues but i think pretty highly of myself so probably not) and usually i just feel more like a character than a human?? if that makes sense???

idk im js a bit confused and u seem cool so i thought i'd ask u

-- m

I am indeed very cool, thank you for asking!

Firstly, I must emphasize one thing: it is perfectly fine to be wrong. If you believe you are fictionkin, identify as such, and realize out later down the line that you were wrong, that is fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We all make mistakes.

I figured out I wasn't human before I figured out I was fictionkin (specifically that I was a ghost), so that was pretty neat. I ended up indulging in kff, like making jokes with friends about how "I totally kin x character!" and taking those silly "who do you kin?" quizzes on quotev and uquiz. I don't really remember how I actually figured it out, but somewhere along the lines I began to genuinely identify as a couple of characters and even used one of their names for awhile. I think part of it came from being very close to the host of a fictive-heavy system and them also discovering their kin identities that encouraged me to look into it.

I'd like to note: my identity as nonhuman (including being fictionkin) is heavily, if not solely due to me having MaDD. Fiction and reality are equal in my mind and I spend the same amount of time in both, an invested in both just as much as the other, etc you get the idea. I recently discovered a pattern with my daydreams in the regard that I subconsciously daydream about my 'types in scenarios with my f/os and other characters I really care about even before I realize they're a 'type, which has helped a lot but obviously isn't applicable to everyone. For this reason, I am a psychological nonhuman.

Back on topic (sorry my ADHD got the best of me)! Firstly, not feeling that you are human is a pretty good start to being alterhuman! If you feel like a character, you may very well be. However, it's just like sexuality and gender identity: I can't tell you if you are or not, only you can. It sounds pretty possible for you.

Being fictionkin feels...slightly odd but not that much. I'm me, but "me" happens to be like a dozen different fictional characters. For some 'types, I just looked at them and went "ME!" and boom, there was my answer. For others, it took (and is still taking, in some cases) lots of contemplation and experimentation. Do you feel comfortable being referred to as the fictional character you are kinsidering? Do you look at source and think "that's me!" Do you feel a connection to any other source characters? If your answer to any of these was yes, your chances are good. If you said no, your chances are still pretty good because the fictionkin experience is unique to each individual.

I experience kin shifts with some of my stronger kintypes, but not everyone does. It comes in subtle ways, such as referring to Shu as oshi-san subconsciously when I'm Mika shifted, suddenly loving myself when I'm Kaname shifted or Hiyori (cameo) shifted, and more! Again, this is not a universal experience, and really, there aren't any qualifications to being fictionkin besides...well, identifying as a fictional character.

Even if you aren't fictionkin, there are other possibilities! What are these possibilities, you might ask? Well, allow me to list them below!

Fictionkin - identifying as / being a fictional character

Fictionhearted - identifying with / relating to a fictional character

You'll notice the simple difference between these two. Both involve a strong connection to a fictional character, but one is being that character while the other is heavily relating to the character andor their experiences. It's easy to get the two mixed up, but it boils down to whether you are the character, or whether you are connected to the character.

But wait, there's more!

Otherlink - voluntarily choosing to "link" (aka identify as)

Copinglink - otherlink, but the reason is specifically as a way to cope (this is still a voluntary experience)

Note: otherlink, and by extension copinglink, are voluntary identities, meaning they are chosen. If you choose your identity, it is a linktype and not a kintype. Also, otherlink and copinglink are general terms not specific to fictional characters, so they could apply to identifying as an animal, plant, concept, song, etc literally any kin identity if it is chosen.

Fictionflicker - temporarily (and often frequently) identifying as a character, but not all the time

Paratype - a kin identity directly caused by another kin identity (for example: having Draculara as a kintype, but solely due to being vampirekin)

Cameotype - not a kintype, but is still a part of one's identity in some way (most often, this comes in the form of "cameo shifts", where someone experiences a shift of an animal/character/concept/etc literally anything else that is not a kintype. For example: experiencing Draculara shifts but not identifying as Draculara in any capacity)

There is so, so much more to all of this, but I hope this can help! If you have more questions, feel free to ask me! You can also look through tags just to get a general feel of things, that has helped me a lot!

[dark-elf-writes]

AND I"M BACK!

-(Would they still smile at them when they knew, still wear their face and hang off their arm as they chattered about everything that crossed their mind? How could they when they realized how tainted Yuuga was?)

Teddy swung the arm they were holding, tipping their head back to beam up at Yuuga again. Yuuga smiled again, pretending that it didn’t feel like their face was cracking. )

Poor baby! Hugs! All the Hugs! HUGS. They call you cousin because you are and you are in fact a child who was put in a shitty situation and just needed to survive. ACCEPT THE LOVE YUUGA

-(“ Bird !” )

One hundred percent the appropriate response here Teddy! Little jealous that my adult self could not get away with the same reaction buuuut still. 🤣🤣🤣

-(Teddy took the opportunity to leap from their arms. 

Five bodies lunged for them at the same time, but it was Izuku with limbs lined with green lightning that caught them before they hit the ground. )

I have multiple nieces and nephews as fictive kin and one bio nephew and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAS DONE THIS AT SOME POINT! Excellent addition Lex! 100/10. Perfect example of the tiny chaos demon.

-I both love and hate the scene where Teddy gets hurt copying Kirishima's teeth. I hate little ones getting hurt, but I love how much personality you show. Kirishima is immediately like 'little dude I got you' with Sero and Tsu, the professional siblings right behind, but Yuuga freezing and the fear they feel, the failure, is so perfectly written. But then they realize Teddy still wants them there and moves. HDJivljckadngughjskdldj I CAN"T WITH THIS SCENE

-(Teddy took the opportunity to leap from their arms. 

Five bodies lunged for them at the same time, but it was Izuku with limbs lined with green lightning that caught them before they hit the ground. )

This is still the cutest rarepair and I can't. Tokoyami isn't shown to be very outwardly, comforting canonically -as far as I've gotten in the canon material- and this moment is just so precious and needed for Yuuga.

-(“You were a victim, Yuuga. None of what happened was your fault.”

“You sound like my therapist.” 

“My services are free of charge for this session, I assure you.” 

Yuuga let out a sound that might have been a laugh or a sob and lifted a hand to scrub at their eyes. “You are too good to me, mon ami. I don’t deserve you. Any of you.” )

YES YOU DO YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE SPARKLE! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING! LET THEM ALL LOVE YOU!!!!!!

-Eri and Teddy in mini costumes is absolutely fucking ADORABLE TO PICTURE! Thank you for blessing my brain with that mental image. I really love this whole scene. Especially the consideration you took in how everyone is laid out in the living room and that you showed Harry's awareness of the student's needs, even as early as this is in his teaching them.

And of course the sugary sweetness of a giant room of sleepy kids is broken up by an oblivious baby outing his cousin's crush 🤣🤣🤣

-I just caught this but is Kaminari enby? I missed that before

- (Teddy would never be locked away in a cupboard,)

No, no he won't because you are there Harry!!😭😭😭

Sorry it's just chapter ten tonight! Today was long and I'm crashing hard! Still loving this and it's so much more comfortable to comment this way! I'm glad you're okay with it!

More will come tomorrow!❤️❤️

I adore you. Remember to take care of yourself!

[bartendingkitty]

How did you find out you were/are this/these character/s?

I always was a winged cat creature with a very similar body plan to Husk. I also always identified as a demon. It gets a little confusing because I am a system and didnt know how to recognize what was a kintype vs a facet vs an alter, but I know that my sub system was the cat creature.

I am a facet of my subsystem that is husk specifically so it is kind of between a kintype and a fictive type. We were already eyeing Husk as a possible kintype before ep 4, since his shape was correct for us and it combined multiple kin feelings we already had that didnt match up really well into one character which was exciting, but we didnt know enough about his personality to see if he felt like us. After episode 4 I got strong kin feelings about him, how he acts in that episode is definitely me, it is basically the only episode of the show you need to watch to understand me (though the bit where Alastor has got me on the leash is also canon to me).

At first we just considered this to be a kintype of a member of the subsystem, but we realized that this occurred at a time when we were splitting and I am actually a unique facet. I still consider myself to be the same person as the facet I split from though, even more so than the whole sub system considers itself to be kind of one faceted alter. (it is a bit confusing how to define who is separate person or not, its somewhat a gradient which I think is odd to people since most are either the same person or a different person its weird to be kinda the same kinda different to different degrees)

[demonicgod]

[Asks from "Otherkin Ask Meme." Check my #ask game tag for the rebloggable ask meme, by user princeoframs]

This is really long so please only click the read more if you feel like dealing with a very very long post.

All art is sourced from the Grand Chase wiki.

Are you otherkin or therian?

Otherkin. I'm a fictive of Heitaros Cratsus from Grand Chase that identifies with his source in some soupy ass ways.

What are your kintype(s)?

Specifically, I identify as fictionkin of Heitaros Cratsus from Grand Chase. Related to that, I’m demonkin and divinekin/hearted. Most of those probably make sense enough, but because of my exomemories, it’s a bit more complicated to label whether divinekin or divinehearted is more accurate. My title was the Demonic God, which denoted how much power I had accrued during my time in Elyos. I literally fistfought three Goddesses and brought them to such a standstill their only option was using the last of their life force to power a magical laser bomb to kill me. Then, I spent the next few hundred years busting out of the Underworld and eating the divine reactor they slammed me with because I wanted to become a new Creator. I technically succeeded for maybe a few hours at most; so it’s difficult as a result to figure out whether I am divinehearted (that is, aspiring to divinity, but not being divine) or divinekin (seeing as I technically succeeded at becoming Creator, even if it was for a fraction of my life). I could say both, but my relationship to divinity is also fluid (especially considering my presence in a body that is not necessarily divine and is, in fact, a sack of meat appreciating the divinity of the world).

What was your awakening like? When was it?

My first awakening was when the body was in middle school. This was long before we understood that we were plural, so my awakening was muddied by a lack of clarity regarding our more-than-oneness. We came out of some religiously-exacerbated trauma with me splitting off in middle school as basically a parody of the devil. I was an asshole, and that identity kind of followed me through a dormancy to when I woke back up from it in late 2021. I still ID with that to some degree (I even mention it on my about page), but I ID a little bit more with Heitaros, because that’s the face that I found most comfortable, and it resonated with me. It was blistering at first, and the realization of a face in the context of the system made it a lot easier for me to not be so much of a rube all the time lmao.

When did you first hear about the kin community?

I believe we heard about the kin community first sometime in the middle of high school, through someone else we knew in the GC fandom, funnily enough lol.

Do you experience phantom limbs astral limbs?

We prefer the term “astral limbs” to describe appendages we don’t have that are not part of the human package. That said, I have four wings. They’re bat-like, and the bone/external membranes are a dark blue. The inner lining is a glowing bright blue, meanwhile. Both are the same color as my true body.

Do you experience any other shifts?

Yeah, I experience shifts relating to my true body (what’s my blog icon right now; I've included the full piece of art below too because it's the best official art of it). This involves a lot, including everything from my teeth to my claws. It’s just as disorienting as wing shifts considering I live in a twink’s body, lol.

What’s your favorite shift you get? Why?

Almost any of them count, but there are a few that make me feel particularly connected to my past life. My true body is one I miss a lot, but the body I took from Baldinar also has some particular meaning to me because I can sometimes use it to drag him into front lol. Also, I just like how I look wearing his features.

Tag who did it better lmao.

What’s your least favorite shift? Why?

Arguably, the same as above because sometimes intense shifts give me intense emotional pain. It's like having a head full of bees. Disorienting, confusing, and a little bit irritating, all at once. It tends to come with a little sauce side of dysphoria too, because the body's presentation doesn't match up with what I want to look like.

The only shift that makes me kind of uncomfortable is the shift I get of Kyle's body. He's in our system and comfortable around me, but it's just a little weird going from himbo to twink to sad Kingdom Hearts reject.

Can you make yourself shift?

Sometimes. Depends on who else is in front with me and what the state of the body is. With enough picrews I can kind of force a shift to my stolen body, though.

Do you have shift triggers, or do they happen randomly?

My shift triggers are usually emotional in nature, but active triggers are generally the same as my active front triggers. So, usually if I need to be in front, someone can jam me to front by engaging with those triggers, some of which make it easier for me to also induce a shift.

Do you have memories?

Yes. Practically my whole life. Some of it is just impressions, but some things are more in depth. These are also kind of front triggers for me, too, so the system will ask me to tell them more about my memories if they want or need me in front (hence me writing “fanfiction” about my source). My co-host is really good at this, and that's arguably the reason they're co-host; they'll regularly remember something about another headmate and then ask another to "tell them a story." They got like 300 pages of shit out of me by doing that lol.

What’s your favorite thing about your kintype? (The species, creature, etc)

The power. Not to sound too wild or anything lmao, but in my past life it took so much just to take me down, and the limited time I had with divinity was only better. This is a double-edged sword, of course, because I live in a chronically ill body (that is also a squishy twink), so yearning for that is kind of dangerous, but at least in-system that means no one is willing to fuck with me (at least in a “physical altercation” kind of way).

A good shift, especially if it comes with respites where I'm shifted in my sleep, leaves me feeling rejuvenated. It's like a reminder that no matter what, I still have worth and am still a force to be reckoned with. It feels like electricity, like a really good stretch after a long rest. I have no clue if anyone else can relate to this, but I hope it makes some sense.

Do you think kins are spiritual or psychological in nature?

Yes. Both. And sometimes neither. Sometimes one or the other. But for me, I’m a psychospiritual entity in a system that is disordered and engages in spiritual explanations. In other words, I don’t fucking care lol (/lh). It doesn’t matter to me, because I’m both, because my experiences can’t be boiled down to such a binary.

If you're one, the other, both, or neither, that's also not my business to pry. This shit is too queer to worry about splitting hairs.

Does anyone know you are otherkin? Friends, family, etc? If so, how did you tell them?

Yeah, most close family and quite a few close friends. Most online friends know, too.

Do you have any friends who are also kin?

Yeah!

Do you meditate?

Sometimes, but honestly at this point meditation is difficult to do in ways we like because of ADHD, dissociation, and the fact we basically dissociate all day at work and can’t easily build meditative strategies because of how that takes it out of us mentally.

Do you get kin dreams?

I actually decided to get better at lucid dreaming to try to have more, to be honest. Our sys used to be super into lucid dreaming, so I’m mostly just getting old muscles back up to snuff. It's been hit or miss all in all.

Even non-lucid kin dreams are usually really good though. Cathartic and a little bit sad to wake from, but you get over it when you're used to 'em.

Do you wish you were your kintype? Why or why not?

Depends. Would I still get to interact with my system? Would they be stuck in that body with me? If yes and no, then I would love to have my body again so I could actually squeeze the hell out of my headmates and also do the flying stim called “get up really high in the air and dive like you’re freefalling so you can parachute last second.”

Do you own any gear? If so, what items do you have and do you like to wear them?

Uhhhh skip.

Give a controversial opinion/your stance on some type of discourse.

This is purely because I’ve known a lot of misinformed kids before, but I think as a community we should be a lot better at being forthcoming about information and not being so quick to malign anyone that uses the term “KFF.” That term cropped up in my hiatus from the community (that hiatus being because people were bitching at psychological-related kintypes in all my fucking spaces), and by time I came back, no one could do anything but bitch about “KFFers” and never seemed to say anything more than the same BS I see in the plural community. It was only after almost two years back that we FINALLY found out what that’s “supposed” to mean, and it’s such a nonsense useless term that people I used to hang out with absolutely used it in a “misinformed but not bad-faith” kind of way (the “that would semantically be called a linktype but whatever” sort of KFFer). I get that there are people that want to make our community look bad, but y’all… those bitches have always been coming into our tags and spaces and planting fake blog posts to screenshot for r3ddit karma. Cringe is dead, spend your energy blocking/moving on and making otherkin dictionaries (like the cool people that finally helped me understand what the fuck y’all were bitching about lmao).

What makes you feel closer to your kintype(s)?

Just being me. I'm stubborn as Hell when I need to be, especially when it comes to things that better the system's situation, and that usually makes me feel like I'm trying to reclaim some of my old power. Boundaries are power, to be fair.

But if we want to get more specific, it's mostly front triggers that tend to get me feeling closer to my kintype, sure, but also writing about it as well. Anything that forces me to think about it and makes it easier for me to interface with headspace, basically.

What are some things that validate you?

We had a friend in college that said our voice sounded androgynous, and I know that's mostly gender euphoria speaking, but as someone who loves how I sound when I front? Yeah.

[fictive-culture]

Hey, uh not a fictive but I figure here is a good place to ask? I've been concerned about one of our MYCT Fictives that seems...almost in denial about being a fictive?? They are just very adamant that they kin the character and act exactly like them and also look like them in headspace and just happen to check off every fictive box. I've uh, heard it's good for fictives to disconnect themselves from source, but I don't know if..extreme denial is a good way to go about it. Should we just let this alter do it's thing,,,or like,,try and confront him that it's okay to be a fictive or??? We're a system with half Fictives, but most are emotionally connected to their source so we've never had this happen before -impostor sys

So the mcyt community has kind of gone into chaos so it may be that they are afraid of being a fictive and later having their creator be a horrible person

Trying to make people use certain labels when they aren't ready never really works be it realizing their plural, queer, etc but it doesn't hurt to sit down with them and be like

"If you say you are kin then I believe you but if you do figure out that you are a fictive know that we'll still love/care about you even if source catches fire you will always be important to us and we'll be here for you through it all"

In the end as long as calling themselves a kin doesn't cause them emotional distress it doesn't hurt anyone even if fictive may seem more accurate to outsiders

[fictionkinfessions]

I’m so tired. Every day that goes by I wonder if I’ll ever find them again. I’ve tried putting out kin calls. I got met with anger and hate. Or people wanting to flirt with me. I miss you, I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. Gods I’m so sorry. Being around my host has made me change for the better and all I want is just to have you back in my life throwing logic in my face again. I never realized how much my madness hurt so many that I cared about. I know it doesn’t change what I said and did but I want to try and by your twin again. I wanna do right by you.

Rhys told me you are probably still out there so maybe I’ll see you again. I should have listened to you when you saw I was slipping. Instead I let Pandora’s madness and my own fears and gathered to those who betrayed me get in the way. You never lied to me, not once. Why did I stop trusting you? I can’t say I’m sorry enough.

I miss you like I miss a limb. You were my family. You were my twin. I’m so sorry I didn’t treat you better. But I have changed I’m here still hoping you will some how forgive me like my lover has. I found my baby girl! You would love her! She’s just as sweet and sassy and bright as before, she ain’t afraid to point and call me out when I’m being dumb. Hell I even found Athena and she doesn’t hate me. Well she tolerates me but I mean I’m also sharing the body of her husband so… she kind of has to deal with me. But she nice to me!! So I call that a win.

I do hope you’re out there Tim. Cause fuck if I don’t want to joke with you again like we used to. I miss telling you about my dad or the craziness that went on. I miss your nagging when you let me know I’m letting my paranoia get the better of me. I miss your dorky smile when you talk about nerd things.

You’re dumbest regretful handsome twin a Handsome Jack fictive who missed his twin Timothy.

'

[gendermuttz]

so basically I was wondering do u have any tips on can someone know for sure if they have alters or if it is regular fluctuating singlet identity or personas/ocs/etc? what does an unstable or fluctuating singlet identity look like compared to a system switching through alters? when u only know two possible alters how can one know more when no communication method has worked? and is it normal for one alter to stay at the front for a long time and just not think about whose fronting and such and still be a system? how did u figure it out if u are okay with sharing..when is it ok to say ur a system even if u researched for years? does having multiple names that seem to have different personalities/aesthetics/people that look different attached to them and u use them based on who u feel like mean u have alters or do singlets who use multiple names also get that? maybe u feel like one name for a week use that then change it bc u feel like a different name… also do u have to have dissociation all the time to have it? can dissociation also include numbness/changing of emotions? can memory loss/amnesia look like feeling like the days before u were a dark void and u can’t remember everything or the months and weeks before except for some big things maybe but when u do switch u arent like at a loss for what u were doing before u switched alters also how can u tell if u are FixtionKin or have a fictive especially when that kin came about at a traumatic time and u felt 100% like the character.

let me try to answer these like one at a time and break it down. let me start by saying every system experiences things differently! no two systems are exactly alike in their experiences

also im going to answer these from the basis of DID and OSDD. i don’t know enough about endogenic systems to speak on their behalf

(also small note, it’s preferred by many systems to say “my headmate” rather than “my alter” and similar things. saying “my alter” implies that you own your headmates, but they’re their own individuals!)

first question: given that DID/OSDD develops with the purpose of the host not knowing about it, it’ll be hard to realize why you behave in certain ways. it’s entirely possible that your identity is fluctuating and that could cause some behavior differences, but it is also possible that another alter is fronting (i can think of many instances in high school where i behaved in a strange way and just thought i was blending in with classmates but it’s possible someone else was fronting)

i can’t really give a cut and dry answer on how to tell the difference between a fluctuating identity and alters switching out, but maybe during moments where you feel that sort of shift in demeanor, you could do some introspection? hope this helps!

question two: i also struggle with system communication, i can only think of a few instances where i was able to hear what my headmates were saying and it was because of the sheer number of voices overlapping one another. i wish i knew how to help with communication, but if you’re patient, im sure your other headmates will introduce themselves when they’re ready!

question three: this is absolutely possible! plenty of systems have “quiet moments”, and im actually having one right now! i think a lot of people refer to it as being “front stuck” and it happens to not only hosts but other alters!

question four: i figured it out years ago and it’s kind of a blur, but my headmate abbie introduced herself and started talking on my tumblr main. i can’t remember if i started researching systems before or after that, but either way that kinda cinched it for me haha

question five: if you’ve done a lot of research and have an understanding of what it means to be a system, self diagnosis is more than valid! don’t let anyone tell you you can’t self diagnose if you’re educated on the topic

question six: that’s a toughie ngl. i use multiple names and have a unique connection to each of them and i guess it’s entirely possible that at least some of them could be due to headmates’ names that i don’t know about. that’s a hard one to answer! haha

question seven: dissociation is a requirement to have DID and OSDD but i don’t think you have to be in a constantly dissociated state. the amount of dissociation can definitely fluctuate. and dissociation definitely causes numbness when it reaches a certain level, at least for me! as for emotions, i feel kinda… blank when im really dissociated. like a clean slate i guess?

question eight: memory loss is the dividing point between DID and OSDD. if your amnesia is a complete blackout where you can’t remember anything during certain periods of time, that’s DID. if your amnesia feels more like… blurry snippets of memory that you can kinda recall but not in full clarity, that’s OSDD

question nine: you can be fictionkin and have a fictive headmate! im a virgil sanders fictionkin and there are quite a few virgil fictives in the system! it may be hard to differentiate between kinshifts and fictives fronting at times (been there) but both experiences are valid regardless!!

i hope i answered your questions satisfactorily which is definitely a word skshdkdj

[thecyphersystem]

hi do you have any advice on figuring out if ur a system? how to begin communication? bc I’m trying to type notes and such to them and talk in my head but get no responses.. I made a server to speak in too.. I’m also not sure if I’m experiencing amnesia or not.. bc idk if it’s normal to feel like each day before you is non existent and never rlly happened, looking back on time in ur head and just seeing black.. just remembering parts and with no feelings attached? what are some signs that you should suspect u have osdd? some reasons u should suspect it.. is it just silly of me to suspect it? how to tell if something is a fictive, Delusion, or kin? recently during a traumatic event I started “kinning” this character where I would say “I’m them I’m literally them 100%” and felt like That Was Me even though we have nothing in common... what if that’s actually a fictive and not a kin? and sometimes I would just feel like a completely different person which was sometimes affiliated with a character? like my thoughts and behavior would unconsciously change ... but during that I still said “yeah I must be (birth name) bc who else cld I be?” bc I don’t know any other names.. so idk if that rlly someone co fronting or if I was someone else completely and just didn’t know it? I also dissociate and at a very young age I remember a traumatic memory .. although I feel detached from it and no emotions towards it... plus my gender, sexuality, ways I want to look are constantly changing and it’s so confusing.. I just want to figure things out and learn the name and identity of an alter at least but there is no communication at all and Idk if they even exist .. oh and how does someone differentiate between if they’re experiencing intrusive thoughts, normal internal monologue, or an alter is speaking? how to visit inner world? I look inside my mind and just see black or blank empty white space 🧍‍♀️

When you start to figure it out your brain kind of shuts the information out, the disorder is meant to be hidden, you shouldn't know so you'll go into denial (completely normal, everyone does it even diagnosed systems).

Communication is different in most systems. I was quite lucky and had been hearing my system and talking to them for years without realizing they were a system. Some systems don't communicate much if at all. We think one of the most important tactics you can learn as a person living with DID or OSDD is journaling. Although it may seem like a relatively easy concept, many people take journaling for granted amidst the other options to manage the condition, such as meditation and exercise. Journaling is an important tactic for those living with DID because there is constantly an internal dialogue happening. I know that in my daily life it can be hard to keep track of what everyone is saying. Journaling streamlines the listening process by allowing each alter to take a turn writing out feelings, wants, and needs. From there, I can reflect on everything I’ve written, and gain a greater understanding of what has to be done to take care of my alters. (We can make a longer post of tips and things if you'd like, we'll also do one on forming relationships with alters)

Introjects are alters that are based on outside people or characters. Fictional introjects specifically are based on fictional characters. These characters can be from television shows, movies, books, fantasy, and other forms of fiction. Fictive alters in DID form to serve a purpose. While that purpose is not always known, it is possible that the DID system needed the qualities of that fictional character and internalized them to form the fictional introject in response to trauma. Fictives can also form to disrupt the system. While fictions often form in childhood, people with DID can form new alters at any time, especially in response to recent trauma.

Because of dissociation we often switch and don't realize until someone points it out even if we know we've switched it takes us a little while to figure out who fronting.

Hearing voices, sometimes known as auditory hallucinations, and having DID does not mean one is psychotic or delusional. Hearing voices is actually common with the disorder, but it is also a complicated topic for which a one-size-fits-all answer does not work. However, we can still understand the phenomenon of hearing voices when we examine how our alters influence us.

[system-of-a-feather]

Some thoughts on Fictive / Fictional Introjects

[This is not based on science and may not be true / reflective of anything other than my thoughts and understanding of some of the conflicts and different definitions that might be found in the fictive community. This isn’t me taking a stance, as much as me just pondering and wondering a few things.]

I was thinking on this lately, as parts of our system do cope a lot with fiction and lately I’ve been realizing a trend that parts in my system have been doing which is using fiction to help reframe their existence / mindset and set grounds for healing from trauma.

A lot of our trauma parts - ones we don’t share on here because safety - have a really bad issue of being stuck in their trauma nearly constantly and struggle to get any ground / mental space to consider moving past it and being anything else than traumatized / hurt / broken / self hating / etc. 

One part in particular has a chicken-egg scenario where the part - as a fragment - inspired a character which in turn the fragment developed as itself into a fictive and originally I really was a bit mean about it because I have some internalized negativity about heavily integrating fiction into identity if you can’t, but embracing the parts that heavily resonated and made sense to them and deciding “Fictive before Egg” has REALLY helped them reframe their existence and has actually enabled them to live, make relationships and have friends.

Still until today, we don’t know if they are ACTUALLY fictives since “did you split off originally as a fictional character” is technically a large ass question mark, but they consider themselves one and they have a LOT of source stuff, so I’m not going to argue it.

After that though, one of our more traumatized parts also randomly attached strongly to a character, and they are well established long term parts - but they, for the first time in a while, were actually interested in trying and working and healing and being part of everything based on the inspiration / idea of being / being like / wearing said character. 

And to this, me being a fictional introject, I want to stand here and be like “No you can’t do that. If you don’t split off as one, if you start identifying and acting as a character, that's kind of wrong?” but also, if it really does help a really really really crippled and hurt part exist and live and be happy, am I really one to say otherwise? It helped another part start their healing journey so well, so am I going to sit here and say its wrong and offensive?

A part of me says “Yeah, just call it a kin”, but firstly, our system is uncomfortable with the kin community for trauma reasons (if you kin thats fine, we just aren’t comfortable with it) and also I feel with the aspect of identity integration, how specific it is to one character, and the aspects of trauma, dissociation, and such, to call it kin would be to minimize the importance / dynamic to it.

With that being said, being an actual fictive is an entirely different experience - as in a part literally split off based off of / identifying as a fictional character. To meld them would create a lot of conflict / confusion in conversations to call them both fictives

But when you think about it, if a system only experiences the type of coping with fiction that is explained above and not actual fictives, it could be very easy to mistake that THAT is what all fictives are like. Because being split off as a fictive is a really weird and hard to explain experience that I’ve found it is even hard to explain to non-fictive alters in my own system. So if a system does not have a fictive as a part, but does have parts that cope with fictive-like behaviors, it could be an easy mistake to be.

And if so, where do those alters belong - the ones that aren’t fictives, but identify / have an intense coping mechanism with fiction that isn’t as fit to be called kin?

I don’t really know about that. I don’t really think these thoughts will do much but I think part of the issue with the fictive community is that there is probably a mix of two very different “types” of “fictives” in it - each a bit thrown off and/or offended by the others.

As a fictional introject, I find it very uncomfortable to be heavily conflated with my source. I feel objectified if people heavily interact with me based on my source, I am trying to be me with my source as background. I am my own person and I have memories and attachments to people in my source. I find it weird, uncomfortable, and disrespectful for people to claim to be people I feel like I knew and had relationships with. I don’t get source calls. I don’t get people asking me about my life and memories. I don’t get people treating me like the character I’m based on.

On contrary, a part that was originally a part and used a character as a framework to cope, learn to live, and handle existence a little easier, I imagine sources and being seen occasionally as their source and all would be a lot more comforting. If life is difficult as is, and it is easier with the reframe of a fictional character, then occasional reinforcement / validation of being like that could be helpful and beneficial.

I don’t really have a solution to the issue, nor do I really know if I’m right about this since it could just be me projecting my system onto others, but it is something I was thinking about. To be honest, I don’t see it happening, but I personally would probably call the ones that literally split off as introjects of the source to be fictional introjects and those that cope intensely with it to be fictives and have that differentiation to be there, but I dunno. Not a real call for change.

-Riku (Host)

[cozykincafe]

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I've realized I shouldn't be doing edits for Helluva boss or other problematic media like that. I've taken them off my carrd and moved them to the blacklist, I hope you do not veiw me badly. (Also to clarify i do not support the creators actions in any way, and I had never even watched South Park before, I was just trying to be friendly and open to fictives. Again, I apologize, and realize I was wrong.) - Bluey-Heeler

It's all good! I definitely get like being open for Fictives and shit and you can still definitely do that I just wouldn't list them or anything since people who kin from that make take it as an invitation. But yeah you're all good dw!

↳ Mod Cinnabun

[multiplicity-positivity]

Do you have any advice on how to find out if someone is a fictive vs kin with a character? Not that the labels matter so much, but one of our newer headmates is a certain character, but they're unsure if they're a fictive or just fictionkin.

I do believe how to determine this really varies from headmate to headmate, and discovering the right language can be a very personal journey. I do struggle to verbalize the distinction, as a fictive of one character who is fictionkin of another, but I’ll try.

My relationship to my source as a fictive feels innate - there was little questioning involved. I had been present for a long time in our system without any strong sense of self (perhaps a fragment?) and “introjected” Kim Kitsuragi unconsciously soon after we heard about Disco Elysium. It was sudden and involuntary. I believe Ralsei in our system also formed this way (a fragment who became a fictive later in life).

My relationship to my source as fictionkin feels spiritual and almost collaborative. Realizing my kin source (or kintype?) felt more like a journey of self-exploration. I was questioning Cecil kin for a while before it really clicked for me. I have a really deep understanding of and connection to Cecil Palmer, but realizing this was more involved on my part than realizing my fictive source.

When it comes down to it, I think it truly is up to each individual headmate and how they view their relationship to their source. It may take some time and soul-searching, but that’s okay - there should be no rush to define yourself. We’ve always reinforced here that questioning is a process.

I will say, though, that fictive is a system-specific term. So as long as you’re not a singlet, you should feel welcome to experiment with labels, take your time learning about yourself, and come to a conclusion once you’re ready. It’s to my understanding that being kin is more a spiritual experience and being a fictive is more clinical or physical. So do with that info what you will.

I wish I had some sources to link to you, but as far as I know there’s not an official page or resources on determining the difference between being fictive or fictionkin. Still, I wish your system well as you learn more about yourselves.

🖋 Cecil and 💫 Parker

[patchdotexe]

Right then, 3,4,25 and 🕴️this guy!

3. Who is the most similar to their source?

charles! also henry, maybe. i say “maybe” bc silent protagonists are hard to get a read on :p ALSO SHAY but also shay showed up after we were already writing shadoc content, so

theres also summer and cazwell but they dont really Count bc theyre fictives from a personal project that evolved into an ouroborous of “theyre from a source thats based off of themselves” once they established themself in-system and started contributing to it. it’s wild

4. Who is the most detached from their source?

pat is absolutely Bizarre because kie’s a dual fictive (aka is somehow a fictive from two different things at The Same Time, not in a kin way but in a "these are both Literally Me” way) but also is like near-totally disconnected from one of them and the other one kie didnt even realize kie’s a fictive of until looking back on stuff like “ah. hm. that makes sense”

in the case of people that AREN’T a fucking anomaly, nii doesnt really feel a whole lot of attachment to his source asides from the occasional joke about it. hes got personal reasons for it but it amounts to “my source sucks, thinking about it makes me feel a bad, im gonna Not”

25. free space! Give three random facts about an introject

scorps got excited over hearing that he exists, so im gonna talk a bit about Hiro!

. has difficulty sleeping, would stay up Super late all the time. mom had a tea that was supposed to help with sleep and it didnt really work on us BUT it worked on hiro when he was in front . was actually a main fronter for a while in 2017 before going inactive, he’s still around (pat actually woke him back up on accident a couple months ago) but doesnt hang out near front . really likes pokemon! his favs are rotom and growlithe. pat was convincing him to make a fursona that was a growlithe-rotom hybrid

🕴️  Is there anything you can do in headspace that you can’t do while fronting?

context: this is currently mae fronting, aka cat bastard

anyway IM SO MAD I CANT PURR AT FRONT its fucking adorable when i do it insys but when i try mimicking it it feels weird and Incorrect

meanwhile henry’s been consistently grumpy about having Communication Difficulties at front unless he’s using discord or our phone’s notes app bc insys he’s able to use sign language or clear gesturing to get across stuff he’s not able to say while he’s nonverbal but none of that translates over to front bc despite there being SEVERAL leos that have nonverbal episodes we havent actually gotten around to trying to learn ASL

[thebestwecoulddobc]

Kinships

In the memoir, The Best We Could Do, by Thi Bui, we learn about the importance of reinforcing kinships and rebuilding broken bonds between the family. When I think about the word kinship, I immediately think of my family and those loved like family. Throughout the semester, I learned that kinships go far beyond family. Looking back, a class activity that helped me understand the term kinship in a more profound way was when different classmates posted on the whiteboard about what they considered their kin to be. I imagined the board would be full of siblings and extended family members, but to my surprise, the answers were completely different. Some responses included roommates, best friends, teachers, mentors, and even pets. It was after this particular class that I was able to understand the importance of the chosen family.

According to Diana Gittins, there is a wide variety of family forms based on social contexts. In her work, she states, "Others have shown how kinship is a social construction, and how those who are not biologically related to one another come to define themselves as kin: Liebow, Stack, Ladner, and others describe fictive kinship by which friends are turned into family." (Gittins, 5) Our fictive kin can be anyone we consider to be family, and in the memoir, The Best We Could Do, we see how kinship networks are reinforced. We learn about the story of a Vietnamese family who migrated to America in search of a better life. What is so special and unique about this book is the way the story unfolds. We learn about each family member, the reasons why they behave how they do, and the bonds that are made stronger throughout the book.

Thi Bui's memoir is about learning about her family, especially about her parents. The memoir begins by Thi giving birth, and it isn't until she becomes a mother that she feels this profound responsibility to understand the reasons behind her parents raising her the way they did. Thi and her husband decided it would be best to move close to family. Thi says, "Travis and I moved to California to raise our son near family, trading a life we had built and loved in New York... for a notion I had in my head of becoming closer to my parents as an adult" (Thi Bui, 32.) Thi feels the responsibility to look after her parents. She continues to state in her memoir, "My parents were retired in good health and free to do as they please… but also still lonely, aging, and wishing quietly, we'd take better care of them" (Thi Bui, 33.) Being born in Vietnam and living in America, life is different. There are clear expectations for older people in Vietnam; you are supposed to stay home and rest once you turn seventy. In America, that is not the case; people are still active and living life. Through the memoir, we can learn about Thi's relationship with her parents. As a child, her parents were very negative and often in bad moods. They were hard workers and rarely displayed affection for their children, Thi wasn't able to communicate with her parents very often, she states, "Proximity and closeness are not the same" (Thi Bui, 32.) Although Thi wasn’t able to be affectionate towards her parents, she hoped that through caring and living close to them, their bond would be reinforced. For example, Pyke states, "Unable to express love via open displays of affection and close-talk, filial assistance becomes a very important way for children to demonstrate their affection for their parents symbolically and to reaffirm family bonds." (Pyke, 101) Thi wants to be present for her child and is determined to reinforce kinship bonds between her parents and her, and These bonds are made stronger as she learns about the stories of her parents. When they arrived in America, many sacrifices had to be made, and the biggest one was having to focus on work and not raising their children. In Hansen's reading, she says, "Although the national focus is on developing after and before-school for school-age children, parents in fact rely much more frequently on informal care. And kin are the mainstay of that informal care. According to the U.S census data for 1999, "other relatives" continue to be the most common type of caregivers for grade-school children" (Hansen, 367.) Thi's aunts played a significant role in her life, and her aunt helped raise her brother. Thi says in her memoir, "I went to daycare, while Ma left Tam with her sister and went to classes while studying all night" (Thi Bui, 288.) Now that Thi is a mother, she realizes how difficult it was for her mother to have depended on others to watch her children. The reality is that most working moms rely on family and close friends to look after children. Through understanding the stories of her parents, Thi was able to sympathize with them and put herself in their shoes. Kinship is essential in this story; her son's birth allowed Thi to become closer to her parents and recognized for her to understand the sacrifices her parents made and appreciate the people who helped raise her siblings and her. It is a story that reinforces family bonds that, along the way, were damaged—a memoir of sacrifice and forgiveness.

[endlessartificer]

Things nurturing an endogenic system has given back to me

My life has gotten really crazy over the past year or so. I went on a medication that’s been an absolute miracle and brought me out of a years-long depression. I’m dating my best friend and the most beautiful girl in the world, and my very first piece of published writing is going to be for one of my favorite franchises, Doctor Who. So basically, things have really been looking up. It feels nice, especially since it’s been years since I’ve felt real genuine joy.

One of the other major changes I’ve made in my life has been a long time coming, although I think the fact that my mental health has changed for the better has made an ideal moment for it.

I have been a quiogenic system of base two for most of, if not my whole life. Our origins are fairly murky, we were either born this way or split during our early teen years, and if the former is the case we didn’t come to realize our duality until after our childhood. I am a median system and I exist as two whole personalities that both consider themselves to be ‘Lesley’- a male facet and a female facet. Both of us share many things in common, while also having many differences. We can go from being distinct to blurring together and back again multiple times during the course of a day.

Growing up I showed a love for reading and writing from very early on; I was a literary early bird who learned to read just before my third birthday and devoured books voraciously as a child. I was considered to be reading at a college level in first grade, and typically read books both in and above my age range. This was a wonderful time for my imagination, and by the time I was 9 years old I already knew that I wanted to be a writer.

I was a child totally in love with the magic and wonder of books, who always dreamed of being lifted away into a fantasy world where everything was better. The smell of a library, the feel of old book bindings, searching the shelves for the most obscure and interesting books I could find; that tender moment of removing the book from the shelf and reading the title to myself like a magic spell.   

Like a lot of kids, before I started writing characters and worlds of my own, I began by daydreaming about my favorite pre-existing characters and their worlds. I loved to think about all the characters from the books I read and loved teaming up together and going on epic adventures. Even after I did start writing my own characters, I still enjoyed these occasional fantasies.

When we were tenish, for the first time ever we acquired a third system member. His name was Roger Faulkner, and he started life as a fictive of the character Tobias from the Animorphs series. Over the years, Roger became his own very distinct character, with his only remaining trait in common with Tobias being the fact that he was a Red Tailed Hawk shapeshifter. Roger was an outlet for our aggressive tendencies during our childhood and over time became a trauma holder.

Not too long after that we started becoming active on the internet, moving away from our childhood crossover fantasies in favor of expanding our original work. After posting our first story as a child and being bullied for it, we were quickly sucked into the writing School of Hard Knocks that was the internet for most of the 2000s. This is the battleground where we learned most of what we know about being a writer; however, it is also the time when many unfortunate views regarding ‘cringe culture’ and what was considered appropriate & mature writing were beaten into our head.

Though we wouldn’t realize it until years later, this culture slowly robbed us of something priceless; the pure and innocent joy of a child enamored with writing and fictional worlds. We became a good writer, however, we also became a hard writer, loosing sight of much of what drew us to it in the first place when we were still a tot. We were incredibly critical of ourselves, and the us at this age would have violently scorned the elaborate crossovers that used to bring us so much happiness. 

Then, when we were about 14, something happened. We lost Roger. The reasons why are still confusing to us; he disappeared from our system at the very same moment we were writing a story for his universe where he runs away from home. This was a very traumatic event for us, as not only did it represent the loss of our best childhood friend, but also the death of our remaining childhood itself.

For years, we refused any chances that arose to create new system members, despite knowing we were very adept at it and had the ability to do so almost willingly. We held a deep fear of being abandoned like we’d been abandoned by Roger, in addition to having a sense of guilt for his leaving in the first place. During this time, outside circumstances in our life also resulted in us sinking into a deep depression, and finding ourselves in a very dark time in our lives.

It was also during this time however, that I met the woman who would eventually become my girlfriend- who made the pivotal decision early on in our friendship to introduce me to Doctor Who, a series I had not grown up with but would quickly become a wondrous fixture in my life and a new special interest. Perhaps it’s also appropriate that we started our friendship roleplaying the characters that had grown up around Roger in the time he was here.

After discovering the male half of ourself to be fictionkin with the Doctor, we were gradually drawn into the fictionkin community (we had kintypes prior, but had never interacted with others much) and eventually got a Tumblr in order to seek out other Whoniverse kin. It took a while, but eventually a fateful reblog led us to the Gallifrey Positive community, where we have been ever since. We’ve met many good friends in this community, and are always grateful for the kindness and understanding we’ve been shown. Additionally, we discovered ourselves to have two kintypes within the Whoniverse; our male facet also identifies as the 8th Doctor companion Fitzgerald Michael Kreiner.

Inevitably, in reaching out to the fictionkin community, we also discovered the point where it overlaps with the multiplicity and fictive communities. We were once again immersed in other people like ourselves who experience plurality, but one thing stood out: with only our two members, we were a much smaller then average system. We were treated with kindness always despite this, but seeing the systems of those around us awakened a yearning in us we had not felt since our days with Roger. At the same time as all of these things, we were also beginning to come out of our depression, and things were beginning to change for the better at last.

The final push would not be our decision however, but come down to a fateful walk-in: our kintype of Fitz developed a separate consciousness of his own, and filled the void of a Third that Roger had vacated many years ago. This distressed us at first; we felt unprepared to take on the challenge of once again caring for someone beyond ourselves. However, as the days ticked on, we began to feel something deeply unexpected in having him here: profound joy.

At the time, our headspace, which had been empty, was very simple: a dark room with a single couch, a place for Fitz to rest when he wasn’t fronting. We remember a night when he had passed out on his couch and we threw a blanket over him, overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness from the relationship we had created. It was then that we made a decision that would change everything: we would no longer be just two or even three, but we would once again create as we had as a child. We would build a new headworld in which Fitz and our other future headmates could have a comfortable and happy life.

And reader, they came.

Sam Jones, a fictive of another 8th Doctor companion, who would go on to become Fitz’s partner. Asmodeus, an internal caretaker based on an old abandoned world building project of ours. Alan, from the ARG Alantutorial, whose story pulled at our hearts strings. Ianto Jones, the Torchwood character who took up organizing and preparing our headspace for future population swells. The Little Sisters, who eventually became his daughters. Our most recent addition is Richard Rich, a strange man with the name of a comic book character and the appearance of a Vulcan.

We’ve also taken on two day trippers; fictives of Charley Pollard and Jack Harkness, and are temporarily housing a fictive of River Song.

The little house on the hill in a green place we originally created around Fitz’s napping couch as the center of our headspace continues to grow. We continue to discover new areas in our headspace, the horizon expanding as the days go by. But most importantly, we are no longer lonely. Because we once again experience both the incredible joy of having a headmate family as well as the feeling of being a child so open and ready to imagine great adventures with their favorite characters. For we will always be a writer, and we must view the narrative of our headspace and new friends as just that; a narrative- there will be challenges, but they exist to be overcome, to learn from, and to grow.

A person is a person, no matter how small. The little things, they are not little. This is what it means to create and to truly be alive.

We are looking forward to whatever the future brings.