#i kinda jumped the gun a bit tbh

[ncutii-gatwa]

url change! (again)

ncutii → ncutii-gatwa

@walker-scobell @karmas @cxpaldi @ricky-olson @roykentt @isitstraightvodka @nessa007 @ecle-c-tic @jamesbuckybarns @howard-cassie @joe-mazzello @jakeperalta @binickmiller @joequinns @perotovar @morgots @quinnkeerys @jennortegas

[hatsukeii]

I think I'll be singing Velvet Ring on a microphone beaded with 'ex lovers' stickers and 'longing looks' beads. I've heard that Ushijima likes my music quite a bit~

too easy. the band you’ve joined is…

exes in my phone book / timeskip!ushijima wakatoshi x reader

genre(s): ex lovers to something?? something i guess?? pining, reminiscing, nostalgia fic tbh but ANGST ANGSTY ANGST WOO interpret the ending as you like because i kept it open for a reason

warning(s): slightly dysfunctional relationship dynamics kinda, lowkey suggestive at points, ushiwaka and reader were just young and stupid and in love but they couldn't seem to navigate it yknow, everything is also like somewhat/pretty ambiguous until the end but that's just how i like it

wc: ~1.7k

your first gig is… at a concert with your ex?!?!

setlist:

🎵velvet rings, big thief

🎵mayonaise, the smashing pumpkins

🎵black star, radiohead

There is a girl on a stage, who strums a pick through the strings of her acoustic guitar. A girl, whose lips hover just above the microphone that sits in a bracket, sighing into the cool metal for a final song. The people beside you have settled down, cheers and jumps reduced to swaying and mumbling.

You've been waiting for this song, haven't you?

The song strikes the ears first. The girl on stage, illuminated by a cone of light from above, sings of a night, thicker than a smoky fume. You mouth along to the lyrics, and your mind wanders to a place where your lungs are bloated, too full to carry anything more. A night beneath a buzzing streetlight, gravel that rolls and scrapes under the sweeping wind, ants that crawl onto the toecaps, under the soles, along the platforms of your unmoving shoes. A night of final breaths, and final words, and final sorrows. You're looking at the ground, your shadow muddied with the figure of another. You don't think he stares back at you. The ants keep crawling. They don't stop, even as you pivot away and leave your heart buried in the ground. The streetlight doesn't reach it again, but maybe it reaches his, still.

The faces around you hum along to a sequence, sway with the velvety strums of the girl's guitar, hold others tight against themselves. You stand alone amongst the crowd. You move when the rest of them will you to, only ever mouth to the lyrics, hold your hands close to your chest. You fear that your voice will give out if you try anything more.

"She's a beautiful performer, isn't she?"

The crowd does not shift their attention from the girl on the stage, so neither do you. She sings in gentle syllables of love, her heart pours out of her mouth. She longs for some fictitious persona, Ben, as her fingers play at the guitar like tugging the strings of a puppet. When you open your mouth, your heart is not there.

"She is. She really is." You respond to nothing but a sultry voice that finds its way into your ear canals.

The girl sings of a smoking gun, smoke that fizzles out from the barrel into night air, a bullet that falters at the end of its path to nothing in particular, a love that, for many nights before this, has begun to run dry. It's agonising, taunting, hopeful. It dies out in unanswered phone calls, drafted emails, text messages left unsent, collecting dust in a note-taking application. Words that ask a million questions.

Could we keep this going?

Is this really for the better?

Can't we try?

Why won't you just let me try?

"Why aren't you singing? It's the last song." The voice is anomalous amongst the crowd's united silence, his question stands out from those unsaid. He is too curious, yet for some selfish, twisted reason, you wish to indulge yourself. Wallow in sorrow. Take somebody else's beating heart to replace your own, that you buried beneath asphalt on a winter night of unasked questions turned two years of unspoken longing.

"For the same reason that you aren't, I'd assume." You silently hope he asks you for more.

The person huffs out a sigh, a short sigh that one lets out when they smile in defeat and surrender. He's close, his arm touching your own when he moves side to side with the crowd. His movement wills you to sway along. The girl on the stage sings of a gentle love, thick like a velvet ring. All encompassing, all powerful.

“Well, I once knew a person who loved this song.” He goes on. You stay silent, ears trained onto the words that paint golden silk and shimmering mist into the concert hall. A portrait of love that you have prayed to see once again, just out of grasp, but real enough to graze your fingers over. It sinks into your fingertips, takes you to a place where your hands could draw lines into tanned skin, hold onto a pair of strong arms, clasp together behind his broad shoulders. Beneath your feet, it travels to your ankles, wraps around your thighs, envelops you in a shroud of warmth. It comes in the form of his head laid in your lap after a long day, I love you mumbled into the flesh of your stomach in shaky sighs, calluses that roam every spot of skin on your body.

"Love really is a gentle thing, isn't it?" The lyrics are spoken out of your mouth naturally, like water running downstream in a creek. The person stays silent, you do the same. The girl's singing pierces through your ears to your throat, clawing at it as if to break it open and rescue something. He speaks before something can escape you.

"I haven't spoken to them since I left. Love is anything but gentle."

You wince, the girl's singing finally ripping through your windpipe. It doesn't stop there, to your surprise. It drills through to its final destination, and you grab the fabric of your shirt around your heart. You don't fully know the answer to your own question, but you believe in his despair. If love truly is gentle, it would have exited your chest when you screamed your throat hoarse for him to stay. It would have eased the pain, somehow. It would have sent your heart out to him even as he stood amongst giants, leagues greater than you. It would have sewn together your words, strung them into poems beautiful enough for him to say yes, I'll stay. I'll stay if you want, and I'll go if you want. Instead, you watch him on television every night, highlight reels, live volleyball matches. He left. You did not want him to.

"I haven't spoken to him since either. But I still think love is gentle. The painful kind."

The final chords of the song round off the set. The girl bows, and exits stage left. The crowd begins to loosen, yet the person's arm remains beside yours.

"Do you ever miss it?"

His number is still in your contacts. You struggle every night to hold off on pressing it. Your heart aches, and lights come on. You stare at an empty stage, and you envision yourself on it. Thousands of eyes watch you sing the song, yet you search the crowd for one pair only. You sing the words that you had once shown your love, a love that found you despite his duties, regardless of his glory, amidst his passion. You sing like you are begging for him to see you through the television, and turn around so the name Ushijima bares his face to you instead of his back. You cry out a story of a dying love, hanging onto frayed strings of memories and fear. The singing contorts into screaming at an empty crowd, as if your resolve could make Ushijima Wakatoshi find you again. You pretend to be his hands, hold yourself in your sleep. You hear his voice in your bed, on the streets, in front of you, behind you, beside you, even right here. You will never learn the lips of anyone else, not after his have taken you for himself. They feel like poison now, sinking into your veins from every part of your body that you inhibit. A poison that forces him into every corner of your life, and you are a fool enough to almost see him there.

"I want it gone, and I miss it all the same." You're crying now, and even your tears remind you of the love that taught you of its cruelty. You imagine a day when you wear another's ring on your finger, only to look up and see a blank face. There is no other.

"I think you should give him a call."

"I can't. I'd just hold him back."

"That's not true." His voice cracks, and his rebuttal is desperate, almost apologetic.

You turn to bid him farewell.

Ushijima is almost no different from how he was two years ago. But he's a little older now, a little taller too. His hair is the same olive green that used to run smooth between the webs of your hands. His voice is deep, rounder than it once was when he used to nip your earlobe and mutter professions of his love into your ear. You stare, but you don't know that he has been staring since halfway through the concert. You aren't seeing him through a television, he is no longer clad in a Schweiden Adlers jersey, his last name bears no weight here, in the space between the two of you. The days, and months, and years spent together come rushing into your head. A kiss on the forehead before separation, two pairs of feet running in wet sand that crumbles beneath their weight, sharing lunches in the silence of school rooftops, lips roaming every inch of each other on nights of longing. You, and Ushijima, and the pleads that lose their bodies when they fall back from your mouths and into your chests.

"Please, give me a call. Or a text. Or an email, I don't care. Just anything. I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Ushijima."

You turn to leave, but you pull your phone out of your pocket to stare at his name in your contacts.

Ushijima watches your shrinking figure, all of his love trailing behind you, fading into smoke.

Your finger hovers above the red button that could end it all.

He can't seem to move, rooted into the ground of the now mostly empty concert hall. You are slipping away again, and he has learned from his mistake. He questions whether he's learned it a bit too late.

You turn off your phone, and shove it back into your pocket. He receives a text.

"I just want to take you home again."

author's note:

my sister gave me this idea a while ago and i just knew i had to make it so angsty sorry LOL she wanted a fluff ending but im the one with the document open so i can do what i WANT!! no i am actually very proud of this piece though and idk if this will get ANY exposure or interactions but just know that i really really loved writing this one

i also fear i lowkey forgot about longing looks and just went straight for longing…

also! song lyric references! if you catch them i'll give you a big fat kiss i love my music so much

anyways tags!!

@staraxiaa @catsoupki @chuuya-brainrot @hiraethwa @fiannee @bailey-reeds @4ngelfries @akaakeis @wyrcan @kuroppiii @zzwon

interested in joining a band? come on over to the build-a-band 900 !!

[jaythelay]

Dump's outta ammo.

1. He tried to start a rumor of Biden coming back. He then, very exceptionally poorly, tried to insert this talking point in the middle of a completely different rally. This, made him look like he has dementia. But make no mistake, the issue was nobody believed him literally instantly, and everyone forgot he even said it the week/day prior because he never built it up. He then immedietely dropped the "Biden's coming back" bit afterwards. Making him look far more dementia riddled than previous.

2. He's trying to claim nobody know's Kamala Harris' last name. Only reason to try this angle is because you're outta ammo and wanted to somehow make her name less recognizable in the moment. But soon after, much like with point 1, he went in too early before it could spread and become common, and thus, had to drop that angle entirely aswell, causing more dementia awareness of himself.

It's like he wanted an instant "her emails" or "his laptop" angle without any time or work at fucking all.

The goal is make shit up til something sticks but it's so old and tired and he's incapable of patience. If it doesn't immedietely work, he jumps to another made up point. Much like with point 1 and 2, point 0 was "Kamala ain't black" which he then, also, abandoned when it didn't immedietly stick.

His cohorts are trying to make it stick but if you call them weird they get reeeeeal defensive and forget what the conversation was, so, the points aren't sticking at all.

3. Him almost getting shot by one of his own party absolutely scared the shit out of him. It's partly why he's sending Vance out. Let him get shot next time, not Dump. Regardless of accuracy on that bit, the fact remains, Republican voters Scared Donald Trump from going to rallies, and Vance is a bodyshield for his weak ass.

4. On top of all this is the stunning double fact: One, is that we all collectively moved on from the republican shooting dump situation, because republican violence is so normalized, and second, his rallies are shrinking Because Even The People Find Them Too Dangerous.

Turns out guns are a problem for republicans. But unlike kids in school, they have the choice not to go to a dangerous republican gathering.

All this to culminate in my theory: R's will drop Dump 2 months in and just accept the losses by replacing him with god knows who probably RFK tbh. They know his goose is completely cooked if he loses, and presently? He's losing. Publically and Loudly.

He's scared as fuck right now and R's eat each other for any social weakness they can create. Dump looks weaker than inch thin frozen piss like my god Cruz has more of a spine now and it may be entirely due to age.

You also have his core fanbae (white supremecists) starting to turn on him. There's leak after leak of stuff he's saying none of it new but desperately old and tried and thus nothing sticks for his fanbase. Every poll has him losing hard, worst of all? To a Bi-Racial Woman. His voters hate her but hate a weak man more. (see how they view trans issues)

He himself will never ever drop out. But his party Absolutely Will Kick Him Out Guaranteed. And we'll see a very bizarre flop in the narrative about Dump from R talking heads. Suddenly when he's gone, they can be honest about him. (Like dems with Biden, literally already, as I called it probably a year ago now)

All this to say, Ya'll if he doesn't have a stroke or some shit, it's either his voter base or cohorts that'll ensure one for him. I kinda feel like most of the political violence that'll come out when Dump loses, will turn inward near immedietely, likely, towards himself.

I mean, they didn't make gallows with a dems name on em, and they did kill some cops, just saying they appear to go after their own when they're in crowds. That and a single gunshot sent them all running, and a single black man completely diverted their attention from their actual goals simply by being black. Literal Toddlers are more successful in any of their goals.

NONE of this is to placate. Vote Kamala, vote Third Party. Just don't not vote. Don't let this opportunity slip away, Dems actually trying is a first in a lifetime, keep that momentum going, and stop allowing bullshit based on party affiliation. God damn RFK the starved brain word dude is considered dem, we deserve better than Biden or RFK, and Kamala/Walz is a hell of a start.

Vote. But ensure you crush R's voting spirit.

We don't need nazis voting for nazis. Ya don't have to sell Kamala/Walz to R's, you need to make R's and Dump appear as weak as they've always been, that's what is working best, because their image is actually everything, we saw it with Rittenhouse and Rogan. Immedietely flip flop because their image was made weak.

That's all a theory, a politic theory. Thank. go now.

[sukunasweetheart]

//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

[paingoes]

Rubies

Communication

authors note: kitty uses the word ‘nonverbal’ here in a way that isnt really medically accurate. thats kind of a whole discussion im not gonna get into now but tl;dr delta has selective mutism and autism but he isnt “nonverbal” per se.

(Content: living weapon whumpee, discussion of past captivity, past abuse, discussion of war, (internalized) abuse apologism, dehumanization, emotional whump)

================

katkittykat: hiiiiii :3c

nodiving: hey

He glanced over the top of his laptop screen, across the room where Kitty was curled up on the armchair. She flashed her teeth at him when she smiled. Her nails clicked against the keys when she typed.

katkittykat: this is so smart lowk idk why i didnt think of it sooner

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: i’ve seriously been drafting forum arguments in my head this entire time

nodiving: all of them probably think they won just cause i termed

nodiving: would it be weird if i just pick them back up like nothing happened

katkittykat: ya u might have to let those go tbh

nodiving: :/

It was very hard to type with the cast on. It took him much longer to write than it normally would. Luckily, she didn’t interrupt until she heard the typing stop.

katkittykat: so like whats the deal w u

katkittykat: are u not talking cause ur scared to?

nodiving: no

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: its not that im scared necessarily its just that its very very unnatural for me 

nodiving: it still feels rude and overfamiliar to me even if i know you dont see it that way

nodiving: this is a lot easier thank you

katkittykat: you dont have to talk if it’s uncomfortable !!!

katkittykat: its cool if ur nonverbal we can just keep texting like dis

nodiving: i think i do want to though

nodiving: its just hard

nodiving: please dont like…stop talking to me

nodiving: im trying

katkittykat: u will have to deal w us talking to u FUREVER !!!! >:3c

nodiving: <3

katkittykat: aaaaaaaah <33333

He hesitated a long time before typing the next message.

nodiving: do you think i should have stayed

katkittykat: what???? D:

nodiving: on a purely strategic level it seems like this was not the most optimal outcome

katkittykat: urghhhh 

katkittykat: well on a ~purely strategic level~ im not the best person to ask tbh

katkittykat: like im ngl galatea was NOT prepared for sudden reunification and thats why levon is so pissed at us X)

katkittykat: but it would have been hard no matter what and if the war had gone on we wouldve had to fight along 2 different fronts which is also noooooot good

katkittykat: and if we had to do that. we would have had to fight you! which would have been v v v not good  X(

katkittykat: so idk if there was really a better outcome? and even if there was like

katkittykat: its not ur problem

katkittykat: ur not just a chess piece to be moved around

nodiving: i kind of am though

nodiving: theres obviously been a huge fallout because of this and it feels wrong to write all of it off just because of. my rights or whatever.

nodiving: i feel like i kind of jumped the gun leaving when i did

katkittykat: aw jeez :(

katkittykat: i was curious abt that tbh i assumed there was some final straw for u but i didnt wanna pry obvs

katkittykat: seems like it was bad ?

nodiving: i dont know 

nodiving: i was more scared by the escalation it represented than anything that actually happened so i feel like i may have overreacted a little bit

nodiving: its hard to explain

katkittykat: ur ok! u can talk abt it when ur ready

katkittykat: but fwiw i really doubt you overreacted

nodiving: thank you

katkittykat: if anythin u seem to be kinda? downplaying it????

nodiving: it really wasnt that bad

nodiving: i could have gone longer

katkittykat: idk delta it kinda seems that bad

katkittykat: i think u got used to it

katkittykat: but that doesnt mean it wasnt bad

He gave her a nervous glance from across the room, his hands stilling on the keyboard. He reluctantly began to type again.

nodiving: did you say i didnt have to talk about it

katkittykat: yes!!!! mb

katkittykat: do u wanna play league omg we actually have time now

nodiving: yessssss

===========

nodiving: hi

sunspot: Hi Delta!!!! :)

sunspot: How are you !!!!

nodiving: im ok

nodiving: im sorry i was such a dick to you before 

nodiving: i was looking at the old messages again i feel really bad

sunspot: No you’re totally good! We were being really pushy i get why you were upset

sunspot: We were just worried for you honestly even when we didnt know you that well

sunspot: It was scary when you would just disappear for weeks at a time like that

sunspot: We just wanted to make sure you were safe

sunspot: Still do!

nodiving: thank you 

nodiving: i was scared too

nodiving: can i ask you something

sunspot: Yes please!!!! Yes I thought youd never ask!!!!

nodiving: is levon going to kill me

sunspot: Oh no

sunspot: He explicitly promised me not to

sunspot: Delta please do not tell me you have been worrying about that this entire time

nodiving: it stood out as a distinct possibility 

sunspot: Didnt he promise he wouldnt hurt you?

nodiving: yes

nodiving: you understand why i may be a bit hesitant to take him at his word

sunspot: Yes I guess thats our bad 

sunspot: But i really don’t think he wants that for you

sunspot: Do you think he’d wait for you to heal just to kill you at the end?

nodiving: not sure

sunspot: That was rhetorical! The answer was no.

nodiving: then what

sunspot: a good question

sunspot: I wish I had an answer for you and I really cant apologize enough for putting you in this situation but I'm afraid it could get very messy for a little while

nodiving: messy how

sunspot: In the broadest possible terms

sunspot: They dont really know what to do with you

sunspot: So that is something we are all going to have to figure that out together

=============

LEVON: Kitty.

LEVON: How are you, my sweet?

KITTY: omg hiiiiiii

KITTY: im rlly good actually things r rlly good!

LEVON: Any progress?

KITTY: ya i think so :)

KITTY: hes opening up a little hes still like. v v shy in person? but not as scared i dont think 

KITTY: hes very polite

LEVON: Poor thing.

LEVON: Does he have sensory issues? I hear that’s a big thing with psychics.

KITTY: ummm yeah hes v twitchy. i think he gets his signals crossed a lot but idk if hes aware of it? he just gets all hackle-y at literally nothing sometimes

LEVON: Interesting.

KITTY: how are things back there

LEVON: Well, it’s a shitshow. You’ll find out soon.

KITTY: eek

KITTY: um can i tell u smth

LEVON: Of course.

KITTY: i dont think hes ready yet 

LEVON: You have the rest of the month.

KITTY: no even then i just dont think hes gonna be ready

KITTY: he needs more time

LEVON: I feel like I’ve been more than generous in letting you keep an unsupervised superweapon(!) in your house for two months without disturbance 

LEVON: I’m not saying I’m going to put him through the ringer or anything but he does need to come back to base.

LEVON: You’re coming with him, so I don’t see what the issue is.

KITTY: will we b able to see him then :?

LEVON: Sure.

KITTY: can he room w me :3c

LEVON: Nope.

KITTY: why D:

LEVON: Security reasons. 

KITTY: levon :(

LEVON: This isn’t coming from me.

KITTY: but ur the boss!!!!

LEVON: Yes, but this isn’t an absolute monarchy. I’m still obligated to follow protocol and I’m obligated to listen to other members of the council.

LEVON: Who I should add, are a LOT less okay with this than I am. 

KITTY: ok i get all that but listen like

KITTY: i dont think u understand how fragile he is rn

LEVON: I think you may actually be underestimating him.

KITTY: uh wat do u mean by that

LEVON: He’s held his own within Empire for nineteen years. That’s not for the weak. He can handle a little strain.

KITTY: lol is that what u call it

KITTY: a little strain?

LEVON: Relatively speaking, yes. I’ll do what I can to make it painless for him. Personally, I think he’s innocent.

KITTY: he IS innocent

LEVON: Can you prove it?

KITTY: ITS SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!

LEVON: That file you sent me. You made it, didn’t you? You’ve seen what’s on there? The casualty count?

KITTY: but thats not his fault!

LEVON: And I agree with you. But that’s what we’re going to have to establish. 

KITTY: but i dont want him to :(((

LEVON: What you want is not necessarily the basis upon which the courts operate.

==========

katkittykat: doing ok????

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: in my room

katkittykat: what do u do in there

nodiving: kinda just been sleeping a lot

nodiving: im really tired all the time i dont know why

nodiving: i didnt use to be

katkittykat: ur sleep debt is probably insaneeeeeee that why

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: im sorry that im like this btw

katkittykat: u dont need to apologize for resting bby theres nothing 2 b sorry for

nodiving: not just that i mean everything

nodiving: i know im not normal 

katkittykat: u rlly rllllly dont need to worry abt that around us i promise we r all freak bitches

katkittykat: i like talking to u tho and i think its ok if u dont realylly feel “normal” right now u dont need to b

katkittykat: u can just b urself and if u dont know who that is rn thats fine too becuz u have the rest of ur life to figure it out

katkittykat: i will still want to hang out w you anyway <3

It took a long time for him to respond. She thought he may have fallen asleep again.

nodiving: why are you being so nice to me

Her turn to hesitate. That was more of an Apollo question — he could explain it ad nauseam. She didn’t know what answer she could possibly give him, if he even really wanted one. 

There was so little she knew about Delta. Each glimpse she got of what his life had been like painted a worse picture of it. They always said he’s been through a lot when anyone asked; it was a convenient euphemism for a whole array of issues. He tried so hard to play his cards close it to his chest. It felt like a betrayal then, the way the signs slipped through. 

nodiving: you dont have to be

She frowned as she slowly tapped at the keyboard.

katkittykat: i wanna be tho

katkittykat: cause i like u

katkittykat: <3

Another moment of silence. She braced herself. There was no way she could try and unpack all of that herself. She hoped she would not have to. She would do it wrong.

nodiving: <3

…………

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety

[star-girl69]

Hi, love your writing. You said about Nat request could you do a 1996!Nat x reader headcanons or even a one shot about Nat teaching the reader how to have a better aim when hunting?

Hunting Headcannons

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

a/n: tysm anon and i hope you all enjoy!!

send more natalie thoughts!!! (or thots)

warnings: a little sexually suggestive so proceed with cautions and then obviously mentions of guns and stuff

—-

omg so i just know that like natalie has such a little ego about how good of a shot she is

especially when it’s the summer still and you’re not really feeling the pressure of food yet and like you’re just all girls in the woods she’s so carefree about hunting

like in season 1 where her and travis were having that contest? god she’s so cute i cant

she just wants to spend time with you in the woods and let’s be honest she wants to jump your bones and pounce on you any chance she gets

“oh, see, you gotta move your arm a little higher”

and then she’ll proceed to press her entire body up against yours just to lift your arm an inch higher

the thing about natalie is that, like, i mean this in the best way, but she’s not dumb essentially

she wants to tease you and she knows how to

so she will be whispering in your ear the entire time 💔

“and… right there. see? you’re doing such a great job, huh?”

“damn, they should give you an award for how good you’re shooting today”

(they is her and she’s gonna kiss you as a reward)

tbh her hands don’t leave your waist the entire time

she is so obsessed with like your hips and your waist in an odd way?? like she just loves a little spot for her hands to grab on yk

side note but she’s the type to put her hands on your hips while she’s moving past you GODDDD I LOVE THIS WOMAN

she’s like adjusting your stance every five seconds even though it’s already perfect?? and if anyone were to say anything

“her stance is good though, isn’t it?”

“no it’s not i literally don’t know what you’re talking about i’m fixing it i’m helping and my hands just happen to be on her okay now shut up and you know what actually just go away”

she’s just a little touch starved and that’s ok!!! idk about you guys but i would let her literally climb into my skin like ???

but if she was seriously trying to teach you and genuinely had no ulterior motives she would actually be a really good teacher

she’s just kinda commanding in a way?? she just has one of those teacher voices that she makes you listen but like she makes it sexy tho

“so, take a step back, uh, a little more, yeah there! okay, and then it always helps me to tilt my head a bit… mhm perfect and then close one eye and…”

BANG ‼️

“see? you did it! i mean, i knew you could, bc i’m an amazing teacher”

i’m sorry but if you do good she’s going to be jumping up and down before hugging you 😭

and GODDD she’s probably gonna whisper something in your ear like

“you did so well, i knew you could do it for me”

god i’m going a little insane i fear

but anyways essentially she’s a little fiend who just wants to touch you and tease you and be annoying but she’s hot so it’s all good!

—-

everything taglist:

@emilynissangtr

[toots-senpai]

Stability (Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Reader)

Authors Note: first legit fanfiction of another masked man??? more likely than you think bb. so so i'm making a part 2 this is 2 gory for legitimate smut. i wonder if this is good or adhd writing tbh i'll never know til y'all say so give a nice yelp review pls. also this is kinda unedited.

Author: @toots-senpai

Fandom: call of duty: modern warfare

Pairing: simon "ghost" riley x reader

Rating: R 18+

Word Count: 13.4k (longest fic thus far)

Warnings: gore, military related themes, guns, explosion mention, small nsfw shower scene, beating torture and cannibalistic torture, blackmail, human trafficking, agnst if you squint and blink, stalking, kidnapping

even though you've worked alongside ghost for a couple of years before you decided to settle down yourself, it doesn't help the anxiety of how long it takes for him to come back. the house itself squeals through the highrise building in loneliness and the water out of your faucets echo throughout the apartment. this beautiful apartment on a high floor with a dog the same size as you who sits at your front door and wags his tail when people walk by in the hallway every night until they close their door behind them might be starting to get to the two of you mentally. you know he experiences your same feelings when he's gone for longer than usual. he knows simon's schedule on all of his paws down to his tail and he starts to get antsy when he's gone for longer and is always on alert when you go for runs. he's always seems to be hoping to see simon, stopping abruptly when he smells gunpowder on others hoping its him. that has gotten you into multiple awkward and even scary situations maybe a bit too much recently. the city is a dangerous place full of dangerous people but here in this apartment it feels only slightly safer but when you stay in the house you start to get antsy, so it's morning runs from now on only but this life of being alert is tripping you out. simon has snuck up behind his precious dog once on your morning run, fresh from the job and scaring the absolute shit out of his so called scary protective puppy which resulted in him cuddling the dog all night on the couch as an apology on the couch and when he tried to sneak back into bed the dog jumped onto the front of the bed for the first time and neither of you had the courage to move the poor pup. instead you left him to sleep through the morning. only with simon and his dog is your small little family at peace.

though it was cute at the moment you wish he hadn't done it, all he does now is search for simon every run. stopping in the middle of streets and on your abandoned hike trails. you'd wish he'd be a normal dog and chase a squirrel or something but instead he'll jerk you out of a mid run to sniff something random out, fire victims, heroin users is his favorite at night to bark at in the abandoned buildings when he runs away out of your grasp. this time he was ecstatic about whatever smell he just hunted out and he was pulling you fast along the pebbly trail you couldn't get a grip just to stand still on so you let him go, which was probably the dumbest thing you could've done as you watched him run off. his big paws made him look dumb even as he ran away with his ears flopping and easily up the small bushed hill. you sighed out of anger going to take the tiny rocks out of your shoes before calling out for the dog, walking up the bushy hill to a small dirt path away from the trail. the building up ahead was probably a powerhouse which hadn't been checked on in awhile, you couldn't see it from where you stood. you had a gun in your waist trainer and you slipped it out easily as you moved up the small hill. you were starting to get frustrated truthfully but thankfully he got stuck on some branch in one of the bushes, he knew not to tug when he was caught in something but when being handled by his owner he'd tug happily apparently.

"Oh scout you're such a baby." You couldn't help but mutter as you put your gun back to get him out only for him to attempt to drag you again just to be halted by your much firmer grip on the ground. "Enough of that." You ordered as you re-adjusted yourself to try to start to tear him away from the smell he was still insistent about but he whined and tugged until once again getting successfully getting lose only to stutter where he was going and yelp into a growl and when you stumbled forward he even pushed you back a bit by how fast he got in position to protect. You would've just stumbled into this man's chest if it wasn't for scout alarmingly barking at the man startling him enough to trip over his own feet and fall back onto his ass stunned. You grabbed scout's leash and pulled him back to sit but he continued to growl and moved between your legs instead, something simon must've taught him. you pay no mind to it as you look down at the man in front of you, he didn't have on an outfit that would like he worked here but he looked like he knew what he was doing. probably a special worker for this establishment but it does seem a bit off, scuff marks all over his face as if he was a mechanic of some sorts but you don't mention it.

"I'm sorry just walk around us, he's not going to budge from where he's at I really don't have control over this big boy!" You chuckle light-heartedly rubbing scout's neck attempting to calm him down from his defensive procedure by grabbing his leash with a tense pat but he doesn't let down and even tenses more when this man stared at you. you want to take back what you set earlier about whishing simon didn't run in on your run that day, you wish for him to do it right now if he could. not saying you couldn't handle yourself but the way his cold eyes stared at you like he had just scored some information scared you and scout not backing down is keeping your hair against your skin raised but if it wasn't for him you don't know how else you would've gotten out of this situation. scout started moving before you did keeping his position between your legs as he made you walk backwards onto the bushy ground once more, keeping a snarl on his teeth as he paced back with you until you made some distance from the man starting to sit up but scout started pulling you along the gravel once more and all you could do was try to keep up with him and not let the leash hurt your hand before you could even try to look back to the man with the deadly stare. now it's all you can think about when you look down at the dog by the door, swirling the tea bag in your mug around. what was he sniffing and what could've happened if scout didn't move you away? what if you were truly by yourself? probably murder was the only answer you could come up with regardless for any question. a shower couldn't shake away the thoughts and the atmosphere of your precious space was alert.

the next morning is the same as far as you can tell, an insomnia smoothie at 4am looking at the burner phone ghost gave you on the counter and back out to run at 5am. you didn't take one of the abandoned trails this time. in your eyes, simon's training isn't going 100% but that's okay because scout's still technically a puppy you remind yourself as you watch him make a tiny tumble out of the trunk. almost a year and his paws are just a tad too big for his legs. usually its a run but this time, you just wanna walk, relax a bit and breathe away the stress caught in your throat. music is in your ears and there's a coffee from the only open bakery in town at this hour. the coffee is dull and too hot and unfortunately you already wish you hadn't gone out. watching the sunrise from over the hills of the park was pretty and all but your safety still wasn't intact from what you know yet you will still sit on the bench with your knees up and scout loosely held by his leash next to you rolling in the grass. you are determined to read in the park today instead and nothing is going to stop you that's for sure. reading an ebook with your music playing lowly is helping you forget about the humid morning. the leash is long and you can see scout out of your peripheral. your interest on him only peaks when he tippy taps, not an excited one, he's revving up for something and look up to look where he's looking you see the man from yesterday.

maybe it's just the human act to be ignorant towards red flags because even though his stare is colder today you thought that there was a chance that he didn't even know who you were still he does try it as he grabs a bouquet out of his jacket and attempts to hand to you a bit closer than comfort only for scout's jaw to snap at him, almost biting his hand. the man scoffs at the dog and tosses the bouquet on the floor carelessly as he stomps away without even a look back at you and you figure that's enough of the park today. you pick up the flowers anyway, and think about giving it to the neighbor since you know she loves getting some of the flowers that simon sends sometimes but you wish that this bouquet was never offered to you in the first place when you think back to it. when you walk up to the hallway to see this bouquet in multiple other arrangements you already know they're sent by simon. the flowers in your hand is one of the bouquets that's missing from one of the vases. this guy knows where you live and scout knows too when he sniffs the vase growling. you separated the flowers anxiously outside your apartment making sure there was nothing in the around a hundred flowers before taking them in. you call security at the front desk and try to get to simon or price but their phones aren't even on and goes straight to voicemail.

later you checked for airtags on the car and let scout wander without the leash to watch your surroundings as you checked down in the parking garage. your gun is in your hand behind your thigh behind public sight and scout growls next to you, a man walking nearby. you think he's not to suspicious but you have to take the elevator with him which you chose was stupid. once again in your eyes there was nothing you could've truly done to prevent this, everything was aligned for you to get stuck in this position you think. you were looking out for yourself and even if you had gotten in the elevator with him, who knows if he'd be the same people that are now walking towards you one of them scratching the body of someones car. you ran to the stairs and shoved into someone which was a quick shot for you and when looking back you saw that he wasn't a form of civilian anyways as his friend pulled out a gun behind you to shoot and only have his wrist basically ripped by scout who immediately runs back to you after he ripped opened his wrist. you went up a couple floors before you got onto one and caught the elevator with scout where you went back down to the garage to get on the road.

your mom's is probably the safest compared to your flat. you left everything up in the house and you locked it before you left but who knows if they're there. you left your phone and the burner so if anyone wanted to get to you, there was nothing. this is not the way you wanna be spending your night. you have an emergency old id and wallet full of a little money in your glovebox but no phone will suck. you drove out of the city before stopping at a restaurant for a phone. soap was the only number you knew by heart without your phone, purely because he answers more than simon which is more than true when he answers but there's nothing but bullets richocheting off of whatever was close and hearing the phone drop as they made their way out of whatever area. you're fucked.

---------

simon pov

he's taken his way through this small evacuated city a couple times already, helping innocents and chasing after his objective and once he finished he was less than relaxed. a plethora of missed calls from you on the burner and only two towards his direct and you went silent for the last week. your location hasn't moved from the house in days and for some reason all of the hidden cameras he had around the house was down and the burner was tracking it's way through the city streets with no answer when he called. definitely not like his girlfriend. only two things left, scout he checked first, tagged in the collar was a state away from the house, at your mothers? what were you doing by the woman you've avoided the past couple of years, how desperate were the two of you? he's on edge, his foot tapping as he searches through his contacts an old messages trying to get in contact with you through someone of your friends. soap stands in front of his light and his eyes snap up to meet his and instead meeting soap's phone, cracked in his hand with the burner number blowing up his phone. a ransom in his messages and some other bullshit, it was a day to fly to get to you, he's antsy already watching the minutes past as he listens to the turbulence. he couldn't even drink water knowing you weren't okay, his mind ran wild and every emotion he's ever experienced goes through his head, silent underneath his mask as he watches the trackers move, he's in shock when you and the dog are moving rather fast through the forest. you're running fast, his blood is running cold.

----------

y/n's pov

it was a bad idea, terrible idea, your mother has been dead for god knows how long and you didn't know. and now here you were stuck out in buttfuck forest nowhere with your tires slashed when you walked back out of the new occupants home. a couple of shots rang through the new elderly couples home and you already started running down the road as fast as you could before the second one, scout fast at your tail. you're sweating already as you make your way into the nearby city, dawn creeping as if you aren't wanted by someone out there searching for your face. you appreciate your morning runs but as the sun is rising too fast now you still haven't slept on top of all this besides the resting area two days ago. you need to get away from whoever the fuck is chasing you, find somewhere to stay until morning. but you're hungry from running through the forest all night, scout's had his fill of rabbit while you tried to sleep in the trees halfway through the night, it was a tad too gruesome for you to sleep after hearing him mutilate the bunny with the sun hot so you walk into the city while his mouth is still messy. you have your wallet and money still but no communication. no credit card means no rental car and you do not need to bring yourself into any businesses for longer than 5 minutes with your name attached to anything and a bloody dog. you still got some breakfast and cleaned him up before you made your way up to one of the buildings by the highway up to the roof where and you sit on the edge watch as planes fly over you and the cars fly by. You wish that one of them will be a militia plane and simon would parachute and land ontop of you but instead the sun is starting to get hot up here and scout is antsy.

----------

simon's pov

his mind hasn't stopped wandering since he's been watching you move. he wonders if you got his flowers and a letter he wrote to you when he couldn't stop thinking about you one night. far too romantic and a bit corny in his opinion when he re-read it in the morning, all that matters is that you enjoy his thoughts not him. he's shaking his leg and he's even more tired than you were, he wonders if you're injured. he's going to land farther away from you and his leg starts to tap once again before soap speaks up next to him.

"what about her phone. i've never even seen her with it not attached to her pockets and the fact that she just left it is a little mind boggling.."

"worried about breaking it maybe? she knew she was going to get into some sort of trouble? she would've taken her phone.."

"distracted?"

"by possibly what?"

"maybe she felt sketched out to go back in the house, went out to grab something and ran into something along the way?" it's silent between the men for a second thinking about how to plan this out probably. soap just wants him to think rationally so he doesn't get himself killed, not thinking that it's a chance but he will get injured if they don't have backup plans. "i'll go back to your apartment, check it out."

"the burner?"

"price will handle it."

"alright then."

-----------

y/n's pov

a human with only a water bottle and gun holstered with a dog with blood still clumped in his fur is definitely an interesting look. no one has called the cops though, even as you walk through the city and scout does really good navigating through the small crowds that cover the outside of bars no one is suspicious. the sun is setting soon and you can only imagine how far you've gone and yawn as scout's tail wags and his nose sniffs the air. and he stops walking and starts tippy tapping and sitting with his tail wagging viciously, you can hear the apc before it pulls up next to you and out comes your knight in dark armor, balaclava covering his face and a warm stare of relief before his dog stands on his hinds as he puts his paws on his chest licking and nipping at his mask.

"where's the harness i got him?"

"you got him a harness!?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the apc is bustling down the empty highway to intercept soap a state over and the evening still burns the clouds as the sun peaks out from the heavy rain. the scenery is nice but scout doesn't like the sound of the rain on the metal vehicle going faster than the speed limit, the rain hits like bullets and he whimpers underneath the arms of the two bulky men who pet him, gaz calming him down by patting his butt softly next ghost. "you never thought to at least check them over before you kept moving?"

"i didn't even want to pay attention to who was following me. didn't even know how many there were.. how'd you find me ghost?"

"scout. tracker."

"ooo spooky. like watching me and your pretty little dog in your spare time my secret admirer? is there a hidden camera in the collar?"

"no, too busy to keep up with you two handsomely famous influencers. i have a serious life compared to you two to even think of buying a camera for the dog." he jabs kicking your foot slightly from across the bench. he still notices the discomfort in your face, not even your fake smiles even coming to show as you stared down at the dog between the two men.

"i didn't see them walking anywhere anyway? i check my surroundings, ghost. im aware as i can be. i think i ran into them on one of my hikes..."

"you shouldn't be going on those trails by yourself regardless."

"i mean i thought you got me scout for that exact reason.." it's silent for a second, the ride as comfortable as it could be but the energy pretty relaxed.

"scout's trained." simon jokes, sarcasm dripping from his tone. "but scout is actually trained for both of our protection, not just you. trained him with soap. must've got to used to being with both of us or something-."

"all i can think about is how they had to have been watching me... he gave me one of the bouquets that you sent before i even saw them. gave them to me on my run in the park...the public park!"

"it was the same bou-"

"yes ghost! same wrapping, same flowers, missing bouquet in one of the vases in the hallway." the car is silent once more, cadets looks at you with concern but the driver breaks the silence saying that you were 5 minutes away from the location and ghost opens and turns on the communication system.

"soap, come in, over." the station is quiet and so is the car. you start reloading your gun now grabbing some additional armor from one of the nearby crates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you've never seen your neighborhood like this. it's been a day and it's run down even more than usual. gaz said there was an explosion down the street, terrorism attack on a building a couple days ago and killed alot of people and now the city has lost control of it's people. when the apc stopped someone was already drifting through the streets a cop busting behind him as a full chase. was what happened more than a random occurrence? all of you think not when you get to the garage, ghost's mask is drawn in spray paint and scout sniffed out the guy the guy who attacked you in the hallway, shot probably by his own men because he left of smear of blood from his wrist on his way down. no way that they couldn't of helped him with his wrist that scout mauled, no compassion for even their own people.

"we gotta keep going.." ghost muttered softly walking past you up the stairs with scout following between his legs. you all followed behind until you got to your floor, scout sniffing out the booby traps even at the entrance, mined doors on this side of the stairs of the building so you all went back down and split up coming in through different ways. you and ghost ended up in the elevator without scout because he's afraid to elevators, it's silent as you two make your way up before it suddenly stops to a screeching halt which threw you a bit off balance into simon who caught you by one of his arms which wasn't holding on to his gun. the fire light turned on and the door opened to the elevator, the shaft tall and air rushing up through the gap, his grip tightened a bit as you two backed up and he tried to press the elevator door to no avail. it's cold, the air blowing up through the shaft, there is even a few floors above you. that whistle of air is almost louder than the shots from levels above you and simon can't get through the comms as an emp rung through his ear before he shut it off looking at you.

you're eyes are connected as the shots ring around you from the open shaft. he pulls his balaclava above his mouth as he kisses you sweetly letting his gun hang by the belt as he holds you tight. moments like these keep you on edge as well, you both hear the barks on the level above and scout's barking echoes through the shaft. when the shots became quiet and he let go as quick as he grabbed you. hand pulling down his mask and other arm repositioning at his gun as the elevator shook from someone jumping on it and the emergency door on the top of the elevator cracks open and ghost's muzzle is pressed against soap's leg who is staring down at you two quietly.

"you two lived on top of the guy who planned this all and yes, you were being watched... both of you.. for awhile."

"comprisable?"

"almost."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your apartment had been ransacked, it was smart to not go back upstairs and just take the high road. he took your belongings and this guy had a really big grudge with ghost. one of the last missions before you retired, your team infiltrated one of the many areas you had in the past but this time this guy had gotten a hold of ghost, kidnapped him and has intel on him somehow, starting off with his precious girlfriend's house shopping. it was all planned pretty well but it's always connected to something bigger. people you've taken out and he's taken out being connected and simon thanks that you don't ever say his name in any texts or your contacts. you can see his eyes beam up as he checks all over your phone seeing nothing incriminating or deceitful that would've helped this guy get more info on you but you know he's kicking his feet and shit in his head since you have gotten back in the apc. his stoic face does not help his happy excited fingers that rub against your hand as you all head to a base back out of the state.

they all connected on the floor and took the hostiles out quite quickly before noticing you both hadn't gotten out of the elevator yet but you still got the majority of your belongs out of there, keeping only a bag of clothes, some books and some small valuables and your precious computer which actually had all of the intel on it. protected by multiple layers of protective passwords which ghost dropped his happy actions at taking his hand back and making you break the silence of the apc filled with only crumpling papers and a roaring tank engine with a giggle. it didn't take long to get out of the apc and onto a base and into a car alone with scout, your belongings are in the trunk and scout has the whole backseat to himself as he looks out of the window searching for simon, pacing back and fourth. you have to get a new phone, the other one is staying on base for monitoring and basically you're fucked for calling anyone. it's not like you have anyone to talk to anyways nowadays with work but still sucks you still can't get it back.

simon opens the driver and slips into the seat and takes a deep breath before looking at you. "he overcharged us by the way on rent.." he jokes but with not a smile from you he continues but looking away. "he was trying to find our names. didn't expect our id's to be fake, not the same guy who stopped you on the run. caught him on a couple of different camera's on the apartment cameras, same guys stealing those navy weapons awhile ago...." he trails off before looking back at scout before back at you. "we'll find somewhere safe to permanently stay if that's what you're worried about?" he says. you could only think he's not used to your silence. it's not him, it's just the need to forget about it all all ready. just the thought about this is overbearing your thoughts but you have to respond to him.

"everywhere we will stay will be farther from you even if i stayed at a base.... should i come back? would it be safer?" you ask him in a low tone and he looks out at the base in front of the steering wheel, hands rubbing the leather wheel slightly.

"do you think it'll be safer.. always being on the move, back on the field? you said you wanted stability. i thought that was our plan?"

"is this stability?" the silence in the car was deafening as the air base around you roared from airplanes and cars that moved around the parking lot. "baby...." you trail reaching out for his forearm and rubbing his wrist looking at him with your lips pressed before continuing. "we have alot of time to calm down but... i need to stay with you. it isn't calm without you."

"are you sure you can handle it again dove? it's draining and even your therapist-"

"i never paid a dime for that, it's just provided and i've handled myself for a long time, i can do it again to stay with you. especially for you.. us. are you afraid of my aim?" you giggle and he relaxes slightly while probably smiling and biting anxiously at his lips underneath the mask still he chuckles. he finally looks at you fully and he squints a bit taking you in for a second and holding the hand that was once touching his forearm rubbing at your fingers.

"did you not get the letter in the flowers?"

"did you put your name or mine on the card?"

"in.. code?"

"what does that mean?"

"a poem.. of sorts.. i'm guessing you didn't get it?"

"no."

"i hope i never find this guy. took away my romantic gesture.."

"i bet simon, your love on a piece of paper is good blackmail may i add but he's not dead? i thought-"

"nope, guys in the parking lot were there holding down the whole apartment, working with the guy on the trail who we can't find who works for someone else...terrible blackmail though even if it said something about our stability together and some other things... almost as if we're on the same page. i hope.." he trails off for a second swallowing and probably pouting as he continues. "it's not blackmail though, i can say it to you now, i remember-"

"i can only imagine what's about to come out of your gorgeous mouth but i would really like to do it later. where are we even going to go?" he's back to rubbing the wheel, probably disappointed about not being able to admit his feelings. he shrugs with his head down and you know he's got alot more to say but he's quiet, mask moving softly. "stop biting at your lips you know it's a bad habit simon."

"i know. i love you, i don't want to mess us up love. i want you to be happy when you wake up. not scared or forced to put on any face that isn't yours." he stops and he's looking at you almost through your skin and his chest is heaving a bit. you know he's pent up under his tactical gear and he needs release mentally and physically. you just can't keep up, this alertness keeps you stressed and with no ground to ground yourself with, how could you truly relax. you wonder if he knows that too as he waits for you make him keep going, waits for you to let him talk and sweeten you up with his words that he doesn't feel like he get's across to you because of how long he's been away. "i will never tell you to not do something when it come's down to how you feel about all of this. if you need me i'll stay, if you want to be with me on the job that's fine. you know the price of what comes along with your actions and any position you choose. any judgement you make i'll respect and work with you through it."

"reassurance? that's all you got? i don't need it. what about what you want to do?"

"anything that's best for us, for you-"

"i get that but like you don't know anything past what i want? it's all just the job and my wants?"

"only when it comes down to our housing truthfully, whatever you pick that far is all i want from you. my needs only last in financial stability and I work quite enough for it plus what you still get as a bonus and my bonuses." he makes you face him, grabbing your chin softly. "please tell me what you'd like to do for the night.." he's pleading seriously, eyes searching yours.

"do you have ideas other than a hotel?"

----------

simon's pov

an airbnb for tonight and a home by tomorrow was the supposed plan but you look like you were still thinking about it. he wonders if you want to live at every base he moves to making him have to work full-time as he pulls out a couple of the important containers from the passenger doors. he enjoys the suv the force offered him while you two moved about and they were even offering to either get the two of you a new one or if he wanted to keep this one but he still doesn't know and he knows you don't either. privacy and protection is important and that is well enough known to the point that it doesn't have to be brought up in the conversation but that doesn't help with privacy and protection at all. he hauls them up this cabin, the air is cold on his forearm's and his mind races as he walks up the stairs, you have the water running in the bathroom for the shower, steam rising out of the door as he puts down your essentials near the door looking at you. scout's got his head in your lap and you still haven't even touched your computer after looking at this one website for housing. he wonders if you're thinking about cities and states or about the future as he walks over to you. you don't even look up at him as he kneels down next to the bed. he rubs the outside of your thigh and your eyes finally meet his, they're a bit glossy as your hands reach out for his face, caressing his cheek and biting your inner cheek.

"thank you for bringing the stuff in, we need to get dog food in the morning and i have food for us coming from someplace on uber. burgers.." you mutter looking up at him. he's so in love with you he could shatter underneath your eyesight and break into a million pieces and let you step all over him and he wouldn't do a thing. he kisses you through his mask on your forehead and you giggle a bit as scout pushes his way up to start licking your face. he pushes the dog softly out of the way by his muzzle and your hands rub up his arms and he's on fire at your small touches and he just nods looking from your lips back to your eyes.

"can i take you to the shower?" you smile again and he's biting his lips again as he stares down at yours who look back wide and full of love through the exhaustion.

"carrying me?"

"of course." he states before ripping you out from under the covers in one go and into his arms. you squeal and protest slightly but he just changes his hold on you instead. he's holding you by your ass and he's kissing you again after yanking it up past his mouth and moaning as you kiss him back. scout tries to follow you two to the bathroom but he gives him a look through the kiss as before he goes in the bathroom back first before closing and pushing you up against the door. buttons in his head clicked quite fast when he takes your wrists up against he door and your wrists are connected with the metal hangers, almost as if it was made for something other than hanging towels. he laughs when you notice and you blush a bit pushing him off of you. as he stumbles he takes off his shoes and walks back up to pull you by your waist into his chest. he loves how malleable you are under his touch and how surprised you are every time he pulls you close, how your eyes dance around him as he strops and your shirt is thrown off your head. he has a craving to hear your laughter all the time, it makes him feel like a class clown and emotionally vulnerable but he gives you his all. every emotion he experiences he's always trying his hardest to make evident especially as he picks you up by your thighs and walks straight into the shower clothes on and lets you get wet first as you spit the water back at him in shock and then reach back to turn it down.

"hot." you state and he nods and gets under with you under the hot water until cools down and you two are centimeters apart. clothes sticking to skin and you run your hands down his wet shirt feeling his toned muscles underneath and you let out a breathy whimper when you feel one of his belts in the way. "too much on still simon." you whisper and he nods feeling his dick twitch at the sight of your pupils widen as you look up at him. "do you need help with that?"

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y/n's pov

you're a bit mad he made you come in the shower with both of you clothed, you can see a mixture of blood and dirt down the drain as he holds you and some of it smears onto your pants as he holds you in his arms squeezing your ass with every movement you've made since being in this position.

"what if there's cameras in this airbnb?"

"free fucking show love." he cuts you off pressing his lips back into yours this time a little rougher. you can't breathe through his rough kiss as his gear digs into your thighs and his cock rubs on of the best acts of friction through his pants and your leggings that you still haven't taken off from your run two days ago. a hand runs up your hips and his kisses are feverish against your jaw as he hold you with his other arm and his knee, keeping you pressed against the plastic of the shower.

"you gotta take it off-"

"not fucking yet don't you interrupt me." he seethes into your ear and it's a genuine grind and a moan as he grinds himself against your cunt and latches his teeth on your neck a couple times while pulling at the fabric of your bra and sucks harshly at the skin between his biting. your hips twitch and your hands grip onto his shoulders as you moan with him, lost in the pleasure as he stays consistent with the grinding against your clothed cunt. he can feel how wet you already are through your wet clothes and truthfully you're too close to skin in your leggings and his pants are in the way. he flips around and puts you behind him as he takes off the wet skin tight long sleeve that was rolled up his forearms and you are taking off a couple of his belts tossing them into the sink with a couple of underhand throws before his pants come down finally as you scowl behind him.

"you didn't even bring my soaps in here..." he sighs deeply while walking outside the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you two are finally searching through the housing market across the u.s. when the two of you are clean and out of the shower. you lay on his chest and scroll a bit endlessly and sometimes simon says some states but he's been quiet ever since illinois, his head is buried within your neck and he's calm behind you contently rubbing scout's head who lays over the both of your laps. he gives you a few kisses every now and then to the junction of your jaw and you relax, sighing and baring your neck to him. it doesn't take him too long to start to trail his tongue on your neck but you don't think he notices that you're not too excited at the moment and you break the silence as per usual. "i don't want to move anywhere truthfully.." you say and there's nothing but a long stare from him before the doorbell rings and he slips from behind you.

it didn't look like he was to keen on that statement.

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simon's pov

he didn't expect this to be the route you two took a couple of months later, both of you back on the field and his name slowly slipping away from your lips and ghost the only thing he's hearing nowadays once again. you're good at keeping undercover and you were right that this was the best way to do it. scout is an official military dog and has new badges and everything to prove his role in the military, awards from the last couple of missions and now he walks between your legs correctly neither of you missing a beat as you three snuck towards a safe house. you three were somewhere in africa due to an incoming missile towards the cargo plane that was just for trade, but still everyone was forced to evacuate. seconds after your squad deployed parachutes were already being blown out from bullets and people fell faster than they came out of the plane. both you and ghost cut your chutes before they could see you two falling and he had to trust you with every ounce of his being and let you use your other emergency one when once you two got closer to the ground, holding him close through safety belts for the scariest 4 seconds before you finally pulled his chute and his safety belts with both of your hands in one of the fastest motions he's seen. he couldn't pull his own because of the quite large dog he held who panted and moved anxiously in his arms as you three fell through the sky and he had to keep him quiet and content as you two landed. at the end when you three finally landed scout was the only one hurt, probably a sprain in his foot but he refused to be carried. there isn't any form of safehouse nearby either, an abandoned location he knew about but definitely not a full safe house.

now as you two approach someone is getting assassinated in these abandoned ruins, a fire squad releasing multiple shots that echo into the rainforest. matter a fact the old vines that used to crawl from the ground up the trees are are now halfway up the trees. a 'war' or some sort of battle had to have happened for the mud to be this way and the grass to grow this unrapidly. desire paths and blood ransacked the floor and the trees, his heart is running a little faster than usual and anxiety runs through his veins like an infection. both of your comms hasn't gone through since you've landed and when you both look at each other you know that only one of you has to go. it's distract or be taken prisoner in whatever city this is and he knows you have to go. you're better than this, won't be seen as a threat and scout heads underneath his legs before either of you say anything. the plan went smooth enough, both of you still ending up as high alert 'prisoners' but you kept your guns and scout is being seen by medical. they're not too friendly but they don't lack hospitality and he see's that you can be grateful towards them for that. he won't let down his guard even when they offer you both a place to stay, a nearby motel with twin beds as the only thing left. you checked for bugs and he was looking at a map, scout in his lap on the bed and nearby 'neighbors' arguing about drugs and drug money.

two feds next door will do that to hypes and he chuckles listening to their argument with his semi-learnt french and you finally sit down on the other bed pouting. you're hungry and nothing delivers in this type of town and there was nothing even open in town from what you saw when they drove you two to the motel you complained. you also said something about being weirded out that no pubs were open in the town, mentioning no town drunks and now all he can think about is telling you about the high motherfuckers to the left of your room but you don't seem to be in the funny mood. you both went to sleep hungry and in different beds until you got up around 2 and had to snuggle with him for 'warmth' so your comms ringed you both awake with soap's voice ringing both of your eardrums far more awake than you two were even before you two went to sleep, scout whining from the bad at the ring of both of your comms. soap states everyone on your helicopter was probably dead besides the driver who had a terrible concussion and was dragged out of the plane by monkeys as the man said. even soap sounded enthused but apparently was on facetime with him and the bonobo helpers. very interesting, unfortunately you were stuck out here for longer. good news that the people that helped last night are semi-'allies'. some soldier awhile ago had this predicament of getting lost in this jungle and also getting saved by these people.

these allies said something was coming to intercept you but the people at the 'nearby' hq- which was a country away - said it'd be best if you were on the move. so you two walked through the jungle again, neither of you actually wanted to stay in the free motel and rather wanted to be on the move. he can't see how you could see the stability in this, yet he still tries to wrap his head around it. he can't even wrap his head around how only one of the injured people from the plane survived and he brainstorms the whole time as you two walked but a couple of sharp shots from the distance shook you two out of any thoughts that either of you were thinking and you two look at each other. it seems at this very moment the vehicle that was coming to intercept was also coming at the same time, his hand grabs yours quickly and he kisses your hand through the mask before he pulls you out of sight and lets you go as you two split with scout following close behind as you two hide between the darkness of the rainforest. gargled unproperly translated french said something about hostages and soldiers being held in a barn down the road, along with looking for you.

to be fair, translating has become easier when you're being taught by your captors daily between food breaks but still when he thinks back to how you two responded to them driving away and not even checking for the shooter properly he winces and wheezes from the wince. when you two walked to where the shooting happened and there lied one of your comrades who was choking on his own blood and probably alerted the shooter who wasn't on said truck that drove away.

he can translate all of it now, their entire conversation front to back, they've used the whole recorded conversation from their comms play on repeat while they beat him once, translating all of it towards his unlearned french and taught him quickly through it all, they've been watching you both for the longest. he has never spoke to them, never letting a word even slip from his mouth as they screamed and tortured him day and night and all he can do is wonder where you went every time he see's the moon rise through the small crevice of the celled window. that night they tracked both of you down through the rainforest and told the already reinforcements that were on the way that you were by yourselves and when they surrounded you, guns at every corner of his vision and scout being shot multiple times when he went after the men and hearing his dog's struggles and your screams while he struggled against three men who shot him up with something that still makes him hazy after all these weeks, it makes his blood burn. your screams echo and watching you cry for scout and pull him towards you was the only thing he remembers as his vision faded to black. he get headaches wondering if you're still alive and he wonders if you two are just m.i.a on a cold case. he dry weaves sometimes at that thought and these men scoff at him for being so week after their endless torture with weak laughs. he's not thinking straight.

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y/n's pov

you on the other hand know everything that has been happening. scout's alive but barely and all of the people you wondered where they were lay in these stables, citizens of this small town they keep you with when they're done with you. you're beaten for livestreams for your superiors and ransoms are being passed around like hall passes. you've watched your superiors get close a couple of times, only twice if we don't count you blindfolded hanging from the rooftop as multiple men threw blows at your stomach that had you hurling off the edge more than you already were as you choked on your own blood. only a rope held your wrists tied behind your back and only pulled slightly by one man who doesn't care if you fell as he watches when you hunched over with blood spilling from your mouth with every blow and statement of unmerciful threats from you captors screamed across the forest around you in victory when they first tried to infiltrate this base. victorious they left you on the roof for days, broken ribs and blood dried and caked into your wounds and your face as drones focused on you in the distance. a base across the forest created alot of light pollution, and enough of it had them throwing you back downstairs into these said stables. these stables were underneath this house in the rainforest and sometimes you could swear you heard simon through the floorboards above you as the innocent people around you flinched at every blow towards whoever sits in these chairs above you.

they screech from their chairs, multiple people and sometimes they're thrown into this infectious stable and sometimes these people let them rot if they didn't know that they would've died from the injuries, they don't care at all, they don't even have a motive from what you know thus far. there are other of your comrades down here, tortured or starving along with the town drunks to the religious fanatics who are overly pessimistic towards the young women whose children are dying from sicknesses that these people don't even bother to care about. the mothers help you out the most and body huddles happen around you with children for warmth. you've been beaten past the point of walking at this point and everyone is silent in almost a silent apology every time they throw you down here worse than you were before. it's only been a month and a half since you've been captured.

honestly you don't even wanna think about the whimpers from everyone every time you're dropped on the floor, the whimper from your dying dog getting more silent every time. the kids are taking care of him you're pretty sure. you watched that night as they threw him in the back of the trunk like roadkill onto your hallucinating body after shooting him and your vision was fading long before you could register that you were drugged and also probably dragged like roadkill. the drag towards the 'medic' of the town who was also another drunk they let cold turkey off the alcohol was probably the meanest man you ever met out of the bunch, every drag felt like needles and the sharpest of grass every time they threw you down here and the humidity of the stables create a more putrid smell than any garbage bag could or even the thick smell of gunpowder on other occasions. it was harder to breathe this time around the drag felt like nothing and your skin was numb but your broken ribs sliding across the ground was worse than being able to breathe, the pain put you in a state of almost shock as the man examined your body. you'll seethe and scream through every bone he could recrack back into the position.

you've seen plenty of what the captors can do to you and the people around you but this night they wanted you to know more. the door shakes this house when one of them slams it open and everyone moves away from you as they walk over and pick you up. he throws your battered body over his shoulder and you wonder if they're dragging simon behind you right now. afterall he's big like simon but in this state of pain you couldn't really realize who they dragged behind you by their throat. you can't even try to move as they place you in a different vehicle, so weak that they place you in the middle of two men in the backseat and don't even cover your face as they laugh at you as you fade in and out of consciousness. overstimulating to say the least with the pounding headache and they just throw you out of the vehicle with the man next. he's got his cuffs locked behind his back and you have the need to sleep through this pain, your body can't stay awake and you can't beat how soft the ground is even if the muddy gravel that was digging into your cheek. so when you open your eyes the second time it's actually dawn instead of dark and you are stuck in the middle of nowhere the person previously in the cuffs in front of you gone. an old cabin lies in front of you and now everything clicks as to what they actually held besides the five comrades at their base. there was ghost stories being said by the old woman day and night of a building which had blood seeping out of their doors and you can see it from where you lay on the ground, along with an eyeball.. fresh. you don't have to guess from where when you sit up and see part of the man who previously was there in front of, pieces of bone from his skull scattered on the floor and dragging away to the door.

you debate going inside and almost leave before you hear crying to your left, head snapping to connect eyes with a little girl at the doorway of said cabin. tears ran down her cheeks and there wasn't a spot on the little one that didn't basically drip or stick of blood, behind her wasn't any better. the shed door is slid open and machines used for woodwork have human body parts littered across them and blood dripped off the table continuously. you slowly went to grab the little girl, pulling yourself off the ground and dragging yourself towards the girl and she comes up to pick you off the ground, coming up off the ground the cabin just held more horrors the more sight you gained, a jail cell and a deep freezer in the back. no one is in this building besides whatever you think is in that meatlocker and all you could do is wince as you pulled yourself up against the doorframe and grabbed the little girl in your arms and pulling her through the wet forest. you can feel the blood on her smear across your bruised skin and you're forcing your entire body going to make it to where ever you need to make sure this little girl will be safe. it doesn't take to long to realize that you aren't anywhere.

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simon's pov

his blood still boils at every movement, said kidnappers tried the whole hanging him off the ledge but price worked harder this time at infiltrating this base and his lieutenant only made it easier. apc's, helicopters and an army of armed soldiers surrounded the armed base and once ghost had a gun in his hands on said roof after all these weeks of torture it was over. the aftermath is knowing his dog was dying and no one knowing where you were besides the lady who spilled stories from her dementia arcade and now you were the only one truly m.i.a. and cold. it's already been 2 weeks since the infiltration of this base and you've been gone for 2 and a half apparently. they record their comms but trackers are useless and now there's a full blown war between the black market entrepreneurs and the american military, everyone knows they're hiding more than drugs but here back at this 'new base' in the middle of the droc's territory with their only jurisdiction being you as the only missing soldier there's nothing that can legally keep them in droc much longer, afterall no one wants some sort of civil war. the thought that he might have to leave you after looking day and night for the past couple two weeks tears away his will to eat and he's going destructive on himself mentally but soap trying to help the best he can.

he's trying to appreciate what he can since everyone has been whispering that you're probably dead all day around him and alcohol made him cry for the first time in awhile so he hasn't even bothered to drink his favorite bourbon. crying over his dying dog and his missing girlfriend after he trudged his way in the empty infirmary and petting his nose and whispering affirmations of how much he craved the old life he once had. his thoughts run marathons of what you said to him about craving stability and no matter what he knows he can't bring that to you now. he's slowly starting to blame himself for it all, in these marathons he wonders if he heard you at night getting beaten. when they force their jurisdiction making him go back to main hq back in the u.s back in the main base he fills your room with himself and scout every night. his face burys itself into your pillows and he craves your scent that's gone from the sheets and he gave up his room for yours since everyone thinks your dead. a month has gone by and now he's on a 'suicide watch' from soap, he doesn't remember what he did the night before, hooked up on whatever he decided he was drinking at the bar but in the hospital room he woke up with his hands covered with bandages and price has to stop his best man from going crazy that night through his first genuine breakdown in the hospital. he had a rescue mission back to the droc approved for your capture in two days.

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y/n's pov

why could you have thought you could've ran away you think now. you think of if there's a city nearby and you wish that simon would brake the chains that hang around your ankles. you wish much more of simon even though you know that he would rub your bruised muscles and tend to your sores with a cup of tea for you to relax while he did it. he'd kiss around the mud and blood that stuck to your form and hold you close while he showered with you. scrubbing and kissing until the grime was nothing but dirt sticking inside the drain pumps until it drained to the sewers. you wouldn't even need to ask, no words would be said until you'd finally cuddle up to the dear man and cry yet your fingers shake as the false memory fades from your vision. in your eyes your hands you hold a hammer and blood drips down the whole mallet and off your fingers. below your hands lay your captor this time and your ears gain back some of their hearing from you basically blacking out in anger and the girl next to you quietly sobbing behind you before running to get this guy's keys in the office.

you don't even remember if this is all his blood, you've been a captive in this shed since he grabbed you that day. you hadn't gone a mile before he noticed you with 'his girl' and beat you until you woke up with chains around your limbs in the middle of the night. your skin feels like it's his at this point, it's clammy and now like the little girls even though hers is worse. he kissed you two sometimes when he walked past the two of you these last couple of days, rubbing your shoulders with his dirty hands and even going so far as to lick blood from the people you've been skinning. while you were doing this he would chuckle almost as this was some form of sick amusement throughout his 'teachings'. you know he's touched the little one in some ways and she doesn't even flinch when he rubs her. you haven't slept and he kept you up with whatever drug he was able to put in the slop he serves or needles he shoves into your arms. some of the bodies here were people from the city you could only guess and others were human trafficking victims. back in the infection cabin that you once lay after being tortured for those weeks was only practice for the true smell that you've grown accustomed to. the blood that drips off your skin and the horrors of gutting people are a sin only something higher should be allowed to do.

you truly know that this was the only way to stop all of this. there's been no help anyways all this time and you know no one would help you. you know beyond the fantasy realm that truth that simon would probably not want to go into this building and or even touch you from the smell you've been stuck in, the blood that drips from your skin and the skinnyness of your bruised body. your superiors would look at you strangely and puke as they knew you killed and skinned people for what you hope is the black market but you don't know as much as you did back at the infectious cabin but the little girl who steps over the man infront of you does. you wonder if she knows too much, the pout of concentration on her face was all of her effort and she's trying so hard to stop her hands from shaking and her face doesn't even falter as she takes the bloody hammer from you and lets it fall like it weighed nothing onto the dead man's stomach. it's disgusting almost how this was muscle memory to her even through her shaky hands, the thought that she's tried getting out of here plenty of times as she unlocks the massive amount of locks on the chains around your ankles and wrists quite expertly and fast and even goes to try to grab you when your body finally relaxes really is making your stomach curl. once she realizes that you can relax comfortably and you lean into the bloodied table in front of you she tries to let you but the floor takes you down with it regardless. the slip isn't hard it's in fact very slow and the blood pile on the floor is bleeding into the roots of your hair as you watch the girl go and save the newcomers that just came in this morning. they're not dead but it's a fact that they would've been as they are freezing as they come out into the main area.

a woman gets excited seeing your uniform but when she looks at you all she does is sigh and pull you up from the bloody floor. once she's sat you down near the wall she cuddles up to you for warmth, none of the blood on you matters and she knows you did the final blow when she starts to clean you with her very cold shirt which felt very nice on the bruises that litter your skin. you're sore and this woman is softly going around all of the swollen areas without missing a beat. some people push out the little girl out of the freezer and there's around 15 of you now. some people come around you two to cuddle for warmth again and pull you out of the blood pile and some are trying to break into this side office. three out of the seven are trying to break down the door and the others back away from the door watching the others go to try again but some harsh brakes of a car squeal into the small cabin interrupting everyones actions. it stops in front of the shed and everyone quiets as multiple people talk outside. they're loud as they walk to the door and the little girl is the first one to move, running and hiding away in one of the cabinets while others grab medical equipment and hide away back into the freezer. you slip out of sight it's only quiet for a minute max while everyone grabs weapons before the door slides open and a couple of gunshots start to ring through the air, hitting walls and sliding people down the walls and someone started one of the three chainsaws fully but you heard the other two stutter and heard them struggling. all you could do was drag yourself into better cover and watch as one of the men who came in with guns catch your sight and aims only to get a saw ripped through his chest.

it was too fast for you to even comprehend, your body is on survival mode and adrenaline is ripping through your flight or fight as a saw sprays his blood over the shed causing your brain to stall as you closed your eyes and push yourself of the ground only to slip once again in the previous bloody chain pile. you have no strength to push yourself up but a chill of death forces you to protect yourself now otherwise you won't get another chance to. you flip with the chains that were once attached to your body in your hands and this saw catches the chains and blood spits at you once more along with sparks. they're too big to get caught in the moving track but it's making a disgusting noise and sparks fly into to your face as you push the chains up against the saw with a stomach grounded scream as you feel your muscles almost ripping from the lack of strength you have while you're pushing back. your screams penetrates the walls and echoes out of the windows across the forest to open ears searching for the bullets that ran through the forest earlier.

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simon's pov

price had been watching movement for awhile since they approved this mission after the droc took over that base. besides having alot of the missing personnel and weapons they left their comms completely open. price would listen to comms with simon for hours in the hospital while they worked through files instead of at the nearby base and a couple of days ago they said something about coordinates and sending someone to pick up meat. it didn't take long to realize that they weren't talking about the classic dairy that moves around the country. it was easy to make this mission a success yet there's something bugging him. their comms went dead one way and when they were almost to the coordinates the other side started trailing someone for a bit and during that, they caught their location quick. they were quiet around the forest and they blended in even with the snaps of sticks underneath their boots and this group of soldiers only moves faster when these shots rang through the forest towards the coordinates.

the shed was just ahead and a shrill sound of metal against metal is ringing just as loud through the forest as it rings in that shed, ringing loud enough to not hear you screams of pain. the group of the small military surround the building and come in from different angles. people go in through the office and the side windows and with the door already being open all it took was two steps to get in the shed and one bullet from soap's gun to the back of the man's skull to stop whatever was happening in the middle of the bloodied floor and a couple of other bullets to help some of the people struggling on the floor. bodies fall and the saw moves in circles wrapped in chains on the floor until someone stops it and all of the personnel in the shed take in the bloodied environment. a wheeze underneath the body of the sawman had price picking up the man by his shoulder and tossing it off of you. you, who had blood soaked into their clothes and bruises and fresh and dry blood surrounded all over the tears. the rest of all of the survivors walk out of the 'meat' freezer in amazement and the little girl runs up to you and pulling the bloody hair out of your face before walking to the office door which opens by one of the soldiers who got in through the window. the soldier basically runs out of the shed to puke and a putrid smell takes over the murky iron in the air.

the little girl doesn't care about the smell but she does start to cry when she looks through the door and simon watches as you wince and look away when she starts to sob at the picture in front of her. he rushes over to you now picking you up by your arm carefully before draping it over his shoulder with your codename on his tongue and you give him one of the most exhausted looks he's ever seen. you try to ask him about what's in the room and he knows you won't be awake long enough to listen anyway and he gives you an infamous kiss through his mask. you're in really bad shape and you need to relax and even your body craves it from the lack of color in your skin besides bruises and the way you start to drift off even here in his arms. its a mental block truly and one hundred percent his own muscle memory that makes him carry you better even if you're tinier than usual, the moment you're starting to slip he grabs you bridal style as if he's done it hundred of times before and you are asleep in his arms and relief is washing over his body like a drug. all of the squadron around the two of you are in awe at the blood they see on the walls, the people in the freezer and the survivors and dead bodies and what not but it's not his job to be focused on that at the moment. it's his job to focus on you even if when he turns to look at your face again the little girl is crying next to your face as he carries you, hand on your hair and crying about you being dead or whatnot and price separates her from you before he can say anything and his blood is cooling and the sun is shining a bit warmer.

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y/n's pov

the bed is comfy and you still feel exhausted regardless of how long you've been sleeping. you don't even want to recognize times and dates and your body was still sore as you moved from your side. you moved to get more comfortable to sleep more but there were three excited sounds around you when you moved. a shuffle from probably simon who sat at the chair in this infirmary and the little girl who gasped and sat up from her chair fast to come and walk over to your face and scout with a huff and a soft place of his head on your stomach now that you've flipped to your back. when you open your eyes you are eye to eye with the little girl, she's been crying excessively from the redness around her eyes and you know that she's nothing but an orphan now. the first time she talked was three days after your capture, the little girl was begging you to eat the 'food' in front of you, which you knew for a fact wasn't normal meat before you even saw it from the smell it made while the man was cooking. she begged you not to starve yourself and probably didn't want you to end up like her mom who was locked in that office. she told you that she needed to feed her mom and that all the man did was stay and guard the place, more so while you and her worked on the human meat cutting day and night. that was all that he fed also and you heard her mother didn't want to eat it for a long time. she grimaced in disgust and threw plates of food to be kicked by the man and when you started to not eat what the man placed in front of you she cried. there was a common ground of knowing how much you could truly handle when you got your hands on him the very first time when he grabbed you two out of the forest. he was big but if you had muscle and the previous starvation of the cabin didn't impact your throws you still would be in this same bed at the end of the day.

your eyes lock to simon and his are locked on the little girl who stares at you intensely in terrifying concern. there's a tenderness in his eyes and you know that he probably just couldn't handle the emotionless smart little girl. you couldn't either back in the shed.

"your mother? she didn't make it?" you mutter and she bows her head and walks away from the bed. when you try to sit up scout gives you a deep growl, not threatening but a small order that you shouldn't move due to the state of your body.

"scout's healing he hasn't moved from you since you've got back. three day sleep and we all slept together last night. we're keeping her. i'm learning to love the little shit. even if she's been a handful and a half, she distracts me." he states when as he scoots closer and kisses your iv'd hand.

"she's traumatized."

"i can tell. a great addition to our little family."

"glad to know we've trauma bonded.. she wants to stay?"

"she hasn't complained about it. no way she doesn't understand. she's 12. both of them are dead and you're out of the field from here on out again. no more." he's firm as he slides keys into your hand with a cute keychain that have car and house keys. "i looked this time and it's big and by the lake in illinois. just something to start maybe? when you get better of course you can move where ever else you want to. where ever we want to." he suggests keeping his hand on yours. "i'm in therapy, like you suggested but for other reasons of course. im on leave."

"gotta take pride that you didn't listen to me riley."

"you never listen to me either, hypocrite." he laughs, putting his clothed cheek on your hand and you can feel his relieved smile on his cheeks and see it in the way he closes his eyes. it stays like this for awhile, the two of them cute and sleeping together every night in the small chairs and all eating together in the small infirmary before you're able to leave. the three of you are a cute family for the past year. simon actually had alot of therapy he didn't mention, a 'punishment' from price so his afternoons are occupied. you didn't mind too much honestly, you enjoy the sight of the balaclava in the morning at your kitchen table when he's drinking tea in a tight t-shirt and after his evening workouts in the home gym before he finds you around the house. morning 'yoga' you and little nakimera and he always let you rip off the mask when he gets home after long afternoon meetings and loves to slip a room away from the little girl who is preoccupied by her sketchbook to lovingly complain between kisses about you ripping off his mask while cornering you. anti privacy tint outside all of the windows, a 2 car garage and a room that locked away all of the house weapons in the garage. you two have made the house beautiful and all three of you even worked on the backyard, a beautiful private patio that covers the jacuzzi in the back and opens with blinds to look out at the backyard. the dream simon provides you leaves your blood on fire and your heart thumping every once in awhile.

he always takes you in as you lay in your underwear scribbling away in the bedroom and you can always seem him out of your peripheral. his eyes are caught in the fairly lights and fake leaves that hang from the ceiling like stars or fireflies or something and he admits in the late of nights that he never really knew what you were going for there but it worked on making you look godly. even now when he could feel how tense it felt in the house when he snuck in the afternoon a bit too late. the bedroom door is wide open and scout doesn't bark at him when he walks in, tail wagging and a loyal sit of excitement when he looks up at him. alot of training was done with his dog now one on one and he enjoyed every second of that training. but even with your extensive years of training you still never hear him sneak in. he's better than you strategically and he takes pride in that as he gives scout a nice fat bone into his mouth keeping him quiet as he shut the door softly. his keys are silent and his footsteps are as silent than scout's pawpads against the clean floors of the shared home, the jingle of his bell hiding his antics easier. he legit just lets his full weight onto you in your shared bed and you wheeze and shoot a glare. he slips a paper on the sketchbook and it's the completion of his classes. you move the paper and drabbles of how the guys face looked in your journal from the guy who you saw on the run that day and a gruesome sketch of the room in that shed, your eyes are dark as if you've been scribbling there for awhile, thinking about it.

"so you're gone?"

"they've already asked me to be back." he says pushing the journal on the floor. "tomorrow." he murmurs against your skin. "are you going to be okay love?"

"yes sir." you say biting the inside of your lip softly as he kisses up your neck and whispers hot on your skin.

"i'm going to find him for you, stop thinking about him. that's an order. i'm already on it pretty girl."

[vanmarkus]

I’m a new fan (yes a post Bi Buck binge watcher, just finished season 5 yesterday ((yes I have a lot of free time)).

And this is definitely opening up old discourse, so feel free to disregard.

But. I struggled so hard to like Taylor. I tried desperately not to do the “toxic slash shipper who hates the girlfriend” thing, but I just could not like her with Buck. I think as a character, she was great! Love a motivated girlboss who pushes buttons, but not so much when she’s being girlboss mean to her boyfriend. (Not that Buck didn’t deserve it once or twice for his late season 5 bs)

But I just don’t know what it was about Buck and Taylor specifically that I didn’t like. I liked Ana and Eddie. I even liked Ali and Buck.

What was the general fandom temperature regarding Taylor and Buck during Season 5?

hoooo okay.

so first of all, welcome to the fandom, hope you can find fun people to hang out with 💛

mind you, I wasn't around during season 5, I was lurking in the trending tags so I kinda knew what was going on with buddie in general lmao but I only actually watched the show in august (took me less than 2 weeks to binge it all the way through, so believe me I know how you feel) but Taylor Kelly is... well.

let me just start by saying that I love Taylor, but she feels like she's been written by two different writers room (which is actually kind of the cast because Tim wasn't around during season 5) and while I love her bossy, career driven characteristics, I felt mad about how dirty she was done.

and not even because Buck kissed some else, but because she straight up said (paraphrasing) "you cheated on me? i don't think you should've told me about it, that's not why i'm mad" and like. what?

for a strong, confident woman in a committed relationship to just say it's okay if you cheat on me, I don't care, just don't tell me? ngl that gutted me a little bit.

aside from that, Taylor and Buck was never going to work, partially because they are too similiar (work oriented, childhood trauma and abandonment issues that neither of them worked through, implied that they both had a bit of a slutty phase, etc) and partially because their moral codes are the thing that differs the most.

which we knew to begin with; Taylor was introduced as someone who would exploit Bobby's acid trip about his dead family to get ahead in her career. that is a good enough reason not to like her and I personally think that Eddie had his reservations about her for that exact reason.

they both live for their jobs, but Taylor is in it for the chase, the excitement, the recognition; Buck is in it because being a hero and helping people is his life. very stark difference.

Buck also jumped the gun with the moving, right after doing something that you don't normally do when you feel like taking the relationship to the next level. so he kinda put a strain on the relationship even though it seemed otherwise at the time.

then of course Taylor lied to him about working on the story, though she only broke it after they caught Jonah, so people saying that she endangered Hen and Chim are weird, unless they're implying that she followed them and didn't call 911? which would be a choice...

but back to fandom's reception of her and how you don't like her with Buck. you don't have to like her at all tbh, not every character or dynamic will be likable to everyone and that's fine, it's only an issue when people spend their time on hating a fictional character instead of focusing on the ones they like and when they send hate to the actors portraying them... which is something that as far as I'm aware happened to every single actress/actor who played a love interest to Buck or Eddie on the show.

this fandom hates women in general, just look at how most people talk about Shannon, Maddie, Abby, Ana, Taylor, Natalia, Marisol... like. characters are flawed that's why they're interesting, but hating them for having to make decisions in difficult situations? or for literally nothing but dating one of the guys as is the case of Ana and Marisol (though Marisol's actress is a vile human being and her character has a seemingly weird bond with her brother, so there is that).

I'd argue that Taylor is the most hated female character on the show and I regularly see posts that feature her with tags like "taylor kelly jumpscare" and such which I just find excessive...

[grievedifferent]

What do you think Josh’s plans were for Matt in regard to enacting revenge about the prank? And/or their friendship beforehand?

this is such a hard question honestly because it's very clear what he intends to do to chris, ash, and sam, semi-clear what he wants with jess and mike, and then very unclear what he intended for matt and emily.

i won't even bother going over chris, ash, and sam because that's obvious. with jess and mike, he intentionally told mike early about that cabin (something he didn't do in the prototype, i think), meaning he got that idea going right away. he knew likely either a) matt and mike would fight or b) jess and em would fight. likely? he was relying on the latter as a solid bet. isolating mike and jess alone to that cabin imo was to get them into a situation to film them. basically? he was going to make a sex tape and humiliate them in the same vein that hannah was going to be humiliated. watching that video humiliates josh, so i imagine he's really going for extra points on this revenge prank. no expenses spared, no egos unkilled.

matt and emily like ... leave before anything can happen. josh also just gets started without them? it's like the game also kind of forgot tbh and the dlc gives us clarity to them as people and what they were doing and how they get to fire tower and all that, but like, what does it do for us in terms of what josh had planned?? literally nothing. it just explains how they got from a to b that we didn't get to see when the game first first released.

the pig head scene imo was not intended solely for them. it was for anyone. josh had all paths rigged with something scary, unnerving, or some detail or "clue" because he likely assumed all paths might be taken at some point.

for josh, aside from like leading ashley away from the lodge to that area where he "kills himself" (idk how else to say that tbh) in the first "chris choice", this is meant to be somewhat of a contained environment. i think em and matt were supposed to come back to the lodge, likely get separated from ashley and chris, and were probably forced to like ... idk confront each other in some way? fake kill each other? make a choice? like maybe something about her not really being into matt authentically would come up, similar to how they can fight when matt needs to save em from falling before he can jump to save himself? filmed for sure, matt was filming, so there'd likely be some element of that in there. maybe he was going to live stream them jess and mike or something to get em fired up and matt also potentially having that context of "the hug" (confirmed to not be em cheating by devs, if i am recalling right, it was just friendly) that matt can see based on ash's choice with him early in the game?

maybe josh assumed they'd stumble back into sort of being the ones that have to find chris and ashley (and thus also sam), kind of being the ones leading the eventual viewers through to finding chris and ash at the end with the gun scene, sort of terrorizing them along the way, but chris and ash really take that role and that seems intentional, so maybe it was like ... two couples leading the viewers individually throughout the area trying to find each other (and sam, presuming they think mike and jess might be trying to get back to the lodge or are "dead"), then coming to a point of their own "choice game" with a reveal / maybe even in the same area with some initial separation or something? i have no idea tbh i leave this so intentionally vague because we barely get matt interacting with anyone but emily and a bit of jess at the end. i'd say matt's closest connection is probably ashley? outside of em? they seem tight.

while the game kinda forgot about them because the plot of until dawn "takes care of them" for josh, i don't think josh forgot. he had something. i don't think he intended for them to leave, that's for sure, so he had to kinda work with it? by doing nothing, as we can see.

i think matt and josh were pretty neutral tbh, i don't think josh and em ever spent too much solo time together, and i think (as i describe it) he sees them "as friends of my friends are my friends".

[tcfactory]

What do you think about the whole rapist Bingqiu situation? You made a comment about it under one of your posts.

Okay, this is going to be a bit long. The tl;dr. is: I really don't care either way tbh.

On the comment I kinda jumped the gun a bit, because I recently got my hands on the books (finally, they were supposed to get here in December) and I read the extras first, because I haven't read them before and was too curious about them. And I really quite dislike the Wedding extra, but I dislike it because I don't enjoy how MXTX writes sex scenes in general, not because of anything it's about. Is the scene rape? Eh no, on second read Shen Qingqiu never withdraws his consent, despite having a shit time. Having a bad first time w/ shit communication is not a crime, especially between these two idiots.

Would Binghe have stopped if he did withdraw his consent and outright told him to stop? I don't really think so, no. Like, you can say all you want about Shen Qingqiu never being direct with what he wants and playing hard to get and wanting to be coaxed along with this gay shit, but that's something we, the readers, know. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember it ever being established as something that Binghe knows for sure - and with how hot and cold Shen Qingqiu was to him all this time, how he still hides behind his masks even at the end, I don't think "I just assumed you were playing hard to get" is good enough. So the possibility of him hurting Shen Qingqiu despite not meaning to is still very much there. Ignoring the withdrawal of consent is still rape regardless of Binghe's intentions - and we all know how deep Shen Qingqiu can get in his own head when he thinks about denying Binghe something he feels that 'the protagonist deserves' now that he regards himself as the harem stand-in, he would not fight him off if Binghe seems adamant to have him even if he says no.

And honestly that's fine. It's one of those things they need to work on post-canon. You could write a pretty neat hurt-comfort fic around it imo, of Binghe getting so jealous one day that he falls in that pitfall, and the reparations and open direct communication they need to do afterwards. Or just ignore it altogether, let Binghe's protagonist halo prevent any serious misunderstanding in the future. These are characters, not real people. Their dynamic is weird enough that you can just as easily write them a happy post-canon relationship or a situation where their respective habits of hiding their true selves from each other and Shen Qingqiu unintentionally encouraging the worst in Binghe culminates in something awful down the line. Nobody actually gets hurt one way or the other.

[scrollonso]

hey, on the post about the tiktok, i think maybe it’s a bit out of line to say that you’re outside their house with a gun ^^‘

Obviously this is your page and it’s your decision how to run it and i normally really love it, but (and i myself also didn’t like the tiktok, just to make it clear) saying that about a young creator who is trying their best is kind of mean tbh. Maybe they didn’t know any better?

I absolutely do think that we should critique each other in our fandom, but maybe sending the account a comment with constructive criticism would be the better way. This way we can stay positive on this site and try to help people who maybe don’t know everything about what is going on yet.

Yeah, sorry, obviously this is your page, i just wanted to share my opinion.

hi anon, i feel so stupid saying this but on my page thats just kinda how i joke? i know it doesnt like excuse me saying that but ofc i didnt mean it,, it was just my way of saying "i hate this video and i wish i never saw it"

on my blog theres a lot of "gun in my mouth" "im gonna jump" type things and i feel like thats been a part of my humour/people around me irl's humour for a while so sometimes i forget not everyone takes that as a joke

if i find the post again (lord knows i shitpost too much to find anything) i'll change the caption a little bit bc the last thing i wanna do is make people upset because of a joke i made 😸

[pancake-breakfast]

Ugh, too sleepy. Almost done with manga. Can't fall behind now....

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 13, Chapters 7-9 below.

Chapter 7: Catch-As-Catch-Can

Yeah, don't overdo exercise training, kids. Not only is passing out DEFINITELY not good for you, but you can get seriously injured even if you have a spotter. Even if you only get a minor injury, it can put your training back weeks or months.

Awww, Livio looks so young here! Look at his short, floofy hair! I hope he grows it out a bit again. Maybe not quite like he had it before, but yeah.

Do people actually do finger push-ups, or is that just something for badasses in animation and comics?

Training montage!

Aw, man! He got to wear a Wolfwood outfit? I feel robbed.

Ok, Satosugu.

Ah, she's doing that thing again. I think.

Oh, what? Elendira's finishing move is a really big nail? Lame.

She's really putting lot into all this, though, isn't she? She looks a bit rough.

Oh, shoot. It's the nuke.

She senses something. I WONDER WHAT.

Yeah, it was Livio.

I like his simple mentality here. Very straightforward.

NO! No one's allowed to drink vials anymore! NO MORE VIALS!!!

Him? Wolfwood??

Chapter 8: Tipped Wings

CW: Gore

TBH I don't know how the hell Livio won this fight. Assuming he technically won at this point.

Heh. Yeah. "Him" was Wolfwood. But of course Livio knows him as Nicholas.

Aaaaand we're back to my favorite wet cat, Legato Bluesummers.

How does he know Elendira has been defeated? Did he have a little feeler in her? Was he skimming her brain kinda like when he had a little mind convo with Vash?

Dude. I thought you wanted to win this. You guys can't both die to each other in this fight. I will genuinely be annoyed if that happens.

Guernica? You mean the flail thing? That thing had a name???

Heh. I appreciate Legato calling Vash a force of nature here. After all, he is the Humanoid Typhoon.

Awww, look at baby Legato raiding the leftovers from July. Also, hasn't it been like 25 years since July? Just how old is Legato??

Ohhhhh, this is where Stampede got his character design. Like, yeah, they straightened his hair, but I recognize that short little jacket.

Welp, Knives has seen better days. Actually, this is a lovely turn on the way Rem is often paneled with Vash. Instead of a small Vash and a dominating, hopeful figure of Rem, we have a small Legato with a very, very broken Knives dominating the upper third of the panel.

Yes, because the thing Legato needs is another reason to have a psychotic break.

Geez, he's just... scooping up Knives' guts to try and... what, shove them back in? Carry them with them?

He's soooo sad, too.

Knives. What. The. Fuck. Just let the boy cry, idiot. He adores you. Also, talking while you're half corpsified is creepy. Cut it out.

Aww, Vash is still trying to save him. Gods, I wish Vash had found him instead.

Goodbye, weird machine gun doll flail thing. We barely knew thee.

Oh, dang. Legato got the jump on Vash.

Chapter 9: VS

I have no idea what's going on here. At least it led to weird, dramatic Legato pose?

Legato, no. This is not how it should be. This is not how anything should be.

Mmm, Wolfwood memories.

Vash is right. This isn't a fight anymore. But I think Legato knows that.

Oh, would you look at that. Thanks, literally the first panel on the next page.

Ok, but did Nightow have to draw his fingers this sexy here??

Legato's trying, but he's not getting through Vash's defenses.

Huh. Interesting that the Earth Fleet guy with his vastly broader knowledge of Plants would state Vash is a rarity. I like that all his sisters seem very fond of him, though.

Chronica is bitter about Domina. It might have been a bit of a mistake for Knives to off her.

Knives says this, but Chronica knows this, so... I wonder what she's actually planning here.

Wait, just who are they attaching a cable to??

Of course Milly and Meryl would have Vash's back.

Hahahaha, this really highlights the contrast between the two characters.

Love and peace, yo.

Gods, Legato just keeps coming at Vash. He's getting ripped apart by Vash's defenses, but he just keeps at it.

What? Vash? What are you doing?? You... you need that box, don't you???

Ohhh, they're doing shonen battle showdown pose. It's on now.

Aw, dammit. I guess it's on in the next (and final!) volume.

Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5 + Bonus || Vol. 9: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 10: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-8 || Vol. 11: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 12: Covers + 1-3, 4-6, 7-9 || Vol. 13: Covers + 1-3, 4-6

Extra Credit: Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt. 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash || Vol. 8: The Uncoordinated Counterattack || Vol. 9: Justice, Punishment, and Mercy, The Tolling of an Iron Bell || Vol. 10: Crucifixion Symbology (pt. 2 of post), Merging of Families, Being Childlike (And Why God Hates Chapel) || Vol. 11: New Hair, New Outlook

[0fps]

okay wuwa first impressions, first ~3 hours or so

the good

combat is fun as expected, LOVE dodging mechanics and the jump attack is surprisingly a lot of fun too. swapping characters is purposeful and fluid and overall the combat so far is super satisfying.

i just pulled a bunch of characters off the gatcha (did not get jiyan........) so i'm gonna have fun seeing whose kit i vibe with, i like that they all come with their own tutorial thing. that being said i definitely think i prefer the melee characters, ranged ones like baizhi don't exactly feel as nice to play. gun characters are very hit and miss so far (pun not intended) like i don't like playing chixia but i REALLY like playing mortefi

also love the echos system, and how its integrated into exploring the open world and actually fighting enemies. i'm gonna have a lot of fun filling out this data bank lol. there's a wolf one i like using during combat

could also just be new environment syndrome but the city feels HUGE. excited to explore around

the bad

as many have already pointed out yeah the optimization in this is not great (i play on laptop for context). it surprisingly seemed to get better for me the more i played/explored. i have a guess it might be caching things in the backend so the issue is primarily with loading in new/haven't seen in a while assets, but even then there is a pretty consistent stutter to the game, particularly the more open world areas. luckily for me not enough to completely turn me off from playing

i think a lot of this is because their "low graphics" setting is like. not low graphics at all lol, its actually just turning certain settings on/off for you. i think being able to tone down the environment detail/the resolution itself would help their optimization a LOT (even though the game is beautiful, i would prefer smoother gameplay than being able to see every blade of grass lol)

another thing i saw people point out was the fourth line of text getting cut off in the subs. definitely annoying since i read faster than the characters talk. i would hope this is an easy thing for kuro games to fix though, and my impression is they're pretty good at responding to player feedback

picking up items seems. weird? in addition to the fact that picking up items causes stutters often (probably asset loading), it also takes a while for the item to actually disappear which does NOT seem to be tied to the lag, but rather is an actual delay, so it really breaks the immersion

auto lock also feels weird especially in multi-enemy combat. i for one will probably not be using it lol

the loading screens take forever. i'm gonna be seeing 65% in my nightmares

the neutral (i'll be honest most of these are kinda leaning bad too ajkfdla)

music is okay, i haven't heard anything special or notable yet

no large opinions on the story as of yet, tbh i've spent more time exploring than doing any story progression asdlkjafs

i like being able to run up walls but the animation itself for it feels very idk. unpolished? in general climbing feels a bit awkward

idk if my eyesight is bad but it's kinda hard to tell which items are interactable/you can pick up. things like chests are also very unassuming but maybe i'm just bad at noticing them right now since i'm just getting used to the environment

environment is quite detailed but tbh i haven't seen anything yet where i've been like WOW but i've also only been in like. 2 areas so far

while i do like the combat, the hit box/range also seems just a bit. off. idk how to describe it might just be a matter of getting used to things ajkdflsf

kind of in line with that the movement feels a bit delayed, like it isn't as snappy as i'd like

overall its not bad but definitely feels like it needs some polish. i agree with people saying it probably should have stayed in beta longer and gone through more QA/optimization testing because some of these things like the cutoff text feel very rookie mistake

all that being said, even though I guess this post is fairly critical/negative I am really enjoying the game for what it is 💕 the bad optimization/lag is definitely it's biggest problem, so I hope it's something kuro games will be able to figure out, if it's not something that improves as the game gets bigger (map/asset wise) that'll definitely be its nail in the coffin

[stillmonsterz]

god i love u fr

anw so— birds of a feather quite literally fucked up my day (in a good way) like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way?? i mean that in a very appreciative way and i think ur genuinely one of a kind absolutely gem writer on this app like i could go on and on abt the way you write your characters and their chemistry w each other like ugh im eating it up im so full

so onto the actual fic, WHAT THE FUCK RIKI?? when i catch u riki istg, my heart SANK at that last part like i knew something was up bc he hasn't caused anything in a while and that was like a bullet sized dagger straight through my heart jfc. he had me all bamboozled and im actually feeling rage at the way mc showed vulnerability to him only to be backstabbed by him and now he's like dragging her w a noose around her neck— it's insane how he immediately dismissed mc and jumped the gun at how she could only be lying like that part just made him go from my fav character to my most loathed character. also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

oh and i cant forget abt the jay scene in the hotel GOD i had such a viceral emotional reaction to every dialogue they said— my brain is thoroughly jumbled, a smut scene on ecstasy could never compare to the gut wrenching situationship break up that was. if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it. there's just a lot to say abt that scene it might be my all time favorite piece of fanfic i've read in my life, im losing my mind at the contrast between mc wanting to savor the moment and make it last longer while jay's trying to get it over with bc i know that he knows if he takes as much time as he'd like, he'd actually realize he loves her and that's just too much of big boy feelings for him (im bullying him too much bc im so sour rn)

also the reveal w jake dealing w addiction was eye opening, like now im rethinking back to all the times he's been fidgety and including that recent scene w mc when he comes out of the restrooms, god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

and i think we might be only skimming the surface w the other members, i weirdly adore sunoo lmao he's such a cryptid being, and tbh the only good thing that came out of this was sunghoon and lily being a maybe healthy couple, i love love that scene w him and lily it's such a sweet and cute moment in between all the shit mc's digging herself in lmao. i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls, he's gonna be important later on and im feeling the nerves crawl up my spine even though he's never shown up once in this part, im that scared of him 😭

im terrified at what's to come, like actual dread on if riki's abt to spill everything to jay and if jay will find out and— this is too overwhelming and my mind's so cluttered lol. anw im not gonna speculate anything rn for my health but im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol. not to say this was horrible no no quite the exact opposite this is the most fun and absorbed i've got from a fic in a long time, this left such an impression on me that it sneaks into the back of my mind all the time, which amplifies everytime i open this app just to scroll and i always unconsciously search ur user to see if you've updated or not.

last one i promise, thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed 🥲 (sorry for this wall of text also lol)

Putting my answer under a read-more

First of all, please don't apologize for sending large asks like this. I honestly love it when people have a lot of things to say about my works. It makes me feel as though I've created something rich enough that it can be discussed.

like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way??

Thank you so much for this...I think I can attribute this to me reading. I read almost every day, and I only read things that I enjoy.

also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

I sort of wanted to emphasize that anyone who would join the Karma Club would inherently be predisposed to doing horrible things for their own enjoyment. Also, as in real life, sometimes the nicest people can do horrible things. People are far more contradictory than we give them credit for. That being said, no spoilers on what he'll do with the screenshots. It's been fascinating to see the revulsion towards Riki's actions compared to what Jay has done to the MC.

if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it.

If it makes you feel any better, they aren't really at square one. Square one was Jay harassing her nonstop because he truly was disgusted by her, in as equal measure as he was fascinated by her. Like he said, he now doesn't even know if he hates her anymore. So even though it seems like they've gone to the beginning, this is new territory for both of them. Jay is a huge pussy, though. He calls Jake a pussy, but Jake has made more genuine attempts to get close to Y/N than him LOL

god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

It's good that you don't trust him. At that point, Heeseung had already told Y/N to just be nice to Jake, so she didn't want to bother him. Heeseung essentially told her that she was part of the reason why Jake relapsed, so she doesn't want to toe the line.

i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls

No spoilers, but Jungwon will come into play. Something happened in the earlier part of birds of a feather that will have an effect on what happens in Part 3.

im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol.

Thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely drew from my high school experience for some of this. The only other time I've ever done that is for Tired of What We Are, and I think you can see some of the parallels. Not to say that fluff is unnecessary (I do plan on writing something cute) but it's just fun to play round with people who are morally questionable, and who revel in their bad traits at times. Not so fun to experience it yourself, though.

thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed

Thank you so so much. I took a long time to answer this because I wanted to keep this ask to myself. Whenever someone sends me a longer ask, I read it over and over again. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. I really do love writing fics, and I'm grateful that people are willing to read them. Thank you for all of the kind words you've written, and for taking the time to read my fic!

[cogandstar]

tbh i kinda wish the end of ztd leaned more into the whole You The Player Are Delta/Zero thing because i think it's super interesting. like i think it would have been cool for like, the final confrontation scene to be shot w/ you seeing through his eyes, not the cameras.

cuz it's an interesting take on "jumping through timelines to find the perfect one", particularly w/ the emphasis on how it's not just looking at the different outcomes but making some of them happen by taking control of the character's bodies. and while the other two games also have reveals about the player characters being their respective Zeros, for both of them there's a sort of distancing. in 999, you're not playing the Akane Kurashiki of 2027 who has physically kidnapped these people -- you're playing the Akane Kurashiki of 2018 who is desperately looking through time trying to find a way to save her own life. in VLR, you're not the Sigma Klim who organized the scheme and kidnapped these people. you're his past self who he kidnapped across time. and also, in both of those cases, the actual Zeros are characters you're primed to feel sympathetic towards.

meanwhile in ZTD you are playing as the Zero who kidnapped people and put them in the decision game (at least, y'know, in the timelines where the decision game happened). and not only is he the guy who did all that stuff, he's also revealed to be Brother, a character that VLR very solidly primes you to read as the Big Bad of the story. which i think is super interesting!!

i think it kinda frames things in ZTD as more critical of the "get the golden ending, damn the horrors along the way" thing. it's not like the games treat Akane and Sigma as like, 100% good people, and there's definitely tones of gray, but like. "the characters kill them as revenge" is, i think, never really presented as like. a reasonable option. whereas ZTD ends on an intentional ambiguity over whether or not that happens. and i think the ambiguity makes this bit of player-criticism stronger than a lot of other similar examples, because, like. Seeking the Golden Ending is what the game is set up to make you do, so if the game then turned around and went "you, the real life person playing this game, are a dick for doing that" it wouldn't really come off right. the fact that ZTD is intentionally ambiguous on the morality of Delta's actions, and on whether or not he should be or will be punished for it, i think saves it from that.

but i think it would be cooler if the last shot wasn't Carlos pointing the gun to the side of the screen, where Delta is -- i wish it were Carlos pointing the gun at you, where Delta is.

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi Rae!

Have you seen the last episode of succession yet? if you have, can you share your thoughts about it? and how did you thought it would end? I just watched it and it was INSANE (as expected). I thought the ending was great. Predictable but in a satisfying way for me, bc, it didn't felt like a lazy ending even though we all saw it coming. But I would love to hear what you thought of it! <3

hello yeah so i JUST finished it and um. yeah. so

so okay i was looking at spoilers before i watched the episode (as i do every succession monday....i love looking at spoilers what can i say i'm a spoilers guy i love to spoil things for myself) so i did. know going into the episode the gist of what was going to happen lol BUT. personally i did not see it coming!! i hadn't like put a ton of thought into trying to guess how things might end but i was pretty sure it was going to be a "the cycle continues" type thing and i thought that meant that kendall was going to become ceo complete his logan transformation roman was going to remain a dog at his feet shiv was going to remain the woman to the side connor was going to remain irrelevant. so i honestly was a bit surprised by what actually happened!

i did still love the direction they took things tho. i mean the cycles are still cycling of course but i think the siblings' positioning inside those cycles is just a little different from what i expected and so i kinda like it more and less for each of them differently. like i LOVE this direction for shiv bc....wow how fucking rancid. just how absolutely vile of an ending for her...i think there is so much to say about how like. throughout the show at various points she has tried to escape womanhood (as like. constructed by the environment she's in--women are weak, women are mothers, women get fucked, women are fodder but they can't hold the big guns etc) and how she wanted to become her father but in the end the most she could get was becoming her mother. her conversation with tom about wanting a real relationship; the discussion about the bloodline...ik some people are saying they think she was like. saving her brothers kinda by getting them out but. tbh i don't really think she did what she did for her brothers i think it was 100% a selfish decision of her just weighing the scales for what would give her access to more power.

i love the ending for kendall too even though i also would have loved him becoming ceo and completing his transformation into his dead father, locking himself and everyone around him into hell etc. but GOD that scene where he was talking about how this is literally the one thing he was made for the one thing his life is meant for...absolutely fucking gutting and to then rip it away?? yeah i can't be mad about that lmao i fucking loved his breakdown and his pathetic ending all alone with colin following like 5 feet behind. honeslty was kinda expecting him to like. take the elevator up and jump off the building lmao

i'm less enthusiastic about roman's ending even tho like. he seemingly got the best one lol i wanted his to be as bad as his siblings'. like it's nice that he's finally seemingly freed himself from waystar etc but....well i kinda wanted him to stay a dog y'know....i do think he was always the sibling that had the most potential to get out (aside from connor who's like already fucked off) just bc i think he always knew he was never going to become his father whereas both shiv and kendall had a real shot at turning into logan (or at least thought they did) but neither of them managed it in the end. roman wanted to be good enough but i think he always knew he never would be, whereas both shiv and kendall thought they were good enough and so both of them just. couldn't fucking let go