#i kinda grossed myself out writing this one lol

[zzoomacroom]

Fic: If You Try Sometime, You'll Find You Get What You Need

Dreamling, Smut, 4114 Words

Tags and summary below the cut (very kinky, NSFW stuff here)

Chapters: 1/2

Fandom: The Sandman (TV 2022), The Sandman (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling

Characters: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Hob Gadling

Additional Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Established Relationship, Dom/sub, BDSM, Light BDSM, (I guess? what constitutes "light" in this case? idk), Sex Toys, Dildos, Knotting Dildos, XL Dildos, Butt Plugs, Cock Cages, Nipple Clamps, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Coming Untouched, Humiliation, Masturbation, Double Penetration, Anal Fisting, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, King of Cats More Like King of Brats, Gentle Dom Hob Gadling, (well. he's just a teensy bit mean at first but then he's gentle), Under-negotiated Kink, Miscommunication, everything is consensual but it's not exactly what Dream had in mind at first, the importance of using your words, the importance of not assuming, probably out of character but idgaf, no beta we die like hob doesn't

Summary: Dream is being really bratty and gets more than he bargained for when Hob makes him put on a little show for him.

.....

It is 7:30 in the evening. Dream has been waiting for nearly two hours, and Hob still has not returned home from work. Dream is not worried for his beloved. Yet. But he is growing impatient. And restless. All day he has been feeling on edge. Agitated. He is “in a right state,” as Hob would say. His duties have left him feeling weary and in need of...something. He cannot say quite what. He hopes that Hob will know. Hob always knows just what he needs, what he wants, often better than Dream himself does. It should be an affront—that a mere human should perceive the Lord of Dreams so clearly—but Hob loves him deeply, and Dream loves Hob with every fiber of his arcane, incomprehensible being. It is...a relief, surprisingly. To be seen and known thus, when he cannot articulate his needs himself.

He stretches out on the sofa, though he is anything but relaxed. His posture is rigid as he fidgets with the slim, black leather collar around his neck, which he sometimes dons for his rendezvous with Hob in the Waking. Beneath his usual black jeans he wears a plug, despite the fact that his body needs no preparation, inhuman as it is. In the Dreaming, it is easier to express his wishes visually, but here he prefers to signify his intentions for any given encounter with such symbolic adornments as the collar and plug, or with his body language. He does not like to verbalize whether he wishes to dominate or be dominated, or both, or neither. He finds it...gauche. To speak of such things. Fortunately, Hob has more than six hundred years of experience in deciphering Dream’s nonverbal methods of communication. Tonight, he wishes for Hob to take control. To figure out what he needs and give it to him.

Finally, mercifully, Hob walks through the front door. He beams at his lover with that brilliant, beautiful smile of his, but he looks tired. His shoulders droop slightly and his eyes, usually so rich and earthy like fertile soil, look dull and lusterless. Dream considers leaving and postponing their liaison until they are both in a better mental state, but...he needs this. He needs Hob. Now.

…

“Hey, love. Sorry I’m late—office hours ran over a bit, student was in a tizzy over their thesis, but we got it sorted. You been waiting long?” Hob makes his way over to the sofa and gathers Dream into his arms before planting a quick, almost perfunctory kiss on his cheek. “You seem tense. Everything alright?”

“I am not tense, Hob Gadling,” his lover retorts haughtily. “I simply do not like to be kept waiting.”

Hob raises his eyebrows pointedly. “Oh no, of course not. That sounds terrible,” he replies sardonically. “My my, it seems someone’s in a mood tonight.” He hooks a finger under Dream’s collar and pulls him in for a proper kiss. Dream allows it, but gives Hob a sullen pout from under his eyelashes after they part. Well, if he’s going to be a brat, maybe some more waiting will actually do him good.

“But unfortunately,” Hob continues with a heavy sigh, “you’ll have to wait just a bit longer. I have a few emails to respond to, and I can’t put them off any longer. Won’t take but a minute.”

Dream lets out an annoyed huff. “I would prefer that you fuck me now.” He snakes a slender, white hand down to Hob’s lap and fondles his half-hard cock through his slacks.

“Not yet, darling,” Hob responds sternly, eliciting a shiver of excitement from Dream. “You can be patient for a little while longer. If you need to be fucked so bad, go ride one of your toys until I’m ready for you. If it pleases your majesty, that is,” he adds with a wicked smirk.

“Very well. If you insist,” Dream says loftily. He begins to rise from the sofa, but Hob stops him with a firm grasp on his shoulder.

“Wait,” Hob commands, and Dream obediently sits back down. “There’s a good lad. Can I trust you not to come, or do you need the cage?”

Dream glares daggers at him. “I do not need the cage, Hob,” he sneers. “I have complete control over my physical form, unlike yourself.” Oh, so it’s going to be like that. He’s angling for a punishment tonight.

“Fine,” Hob replies coolly. “But you’ll have to do it where I can see you, because we both know you can’t be trusted.”

He knows that Dream can make himself come with a mere thought, even with the cock cage, but he also knows that putting on such a display for Hob will send him over the edge, regardless of his alleged ‘control over his physical form.’ Luckily, this is no bother given Dream’s nonexistent refractory period, and Hob is curious whether he can succeed in taking his lover apart before he even gets his hands on him.

…

Hob makes tea for the both of them, then retreats to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes. He emerges minutes later in a faded Rolling Stones t-shirt and gray sweatpants that do nothing to hide his obvious arousal. He plants himself on the sofa with a weary groan and picks up his laptop, glancing expectantly at Dream over the top of the screen.

Dream, meanwhile, has commandeered the space between the coffee table and the fireplace. He has sent his coat, t-shirt, and jeans back to the unformed dreamstuff from whence they came, and in their stead he wears nothing but a pair of black, thigh-high stockings, held in place by studded leather garters that match his collar. He knows that these are a favorite of Hob’s, and if he won’t give him what he wants, then Dream will just have to distract him. If he is too aroused to focus on his work, perhaps he will bend Dream over the sofa and have his way with him sooner rather than later.

He stands before Hob, legs spread and cock already hard, gazing intently at his beloved. Suctioned to the floor at his feet is a large, beautifully-crafted dildo taken from the dreams of a Japanese fetish model. It is black and glittering, with curves, bumps, and swirls that do not resemble any penis found in the waking world. Dream reaches between his legs, not breaking eye contact for a second, and removes the sizable, tapered plug from his hole, tossing it carelessly to the floor.

Hob’s eyes widen and his breath hitches, and Dream smirks smugly as he crouches and lowers himself down onto the dildo in one fluid motion. Once he is fully seated, he lets out a contented moan and rolls his hips tantalizingly slowly before beginning to ride the toy in earnest.

Continue reading on ao3:

[fingertipsmp3]

Kinda want to create one of those like 100 days of self care or mental health or something challenges for myself & post abt it each day to hold myself accountable

[firewolf111]

Eh, screw it. I've seen so many of these notes things, I may as well do one myself.

10 notes: I'll try to drink more water

25 notes: I'll try to get more sleep

50 notes: I'll try to eat better. (Most of these might say try, which kinda defeats the point. But I won't make promises I may not keep. I just need the motivation to at least make an attempt.)

100: I'll post a photo of my recent cosplay

200: I'll try to shower more. (I know that sounds gross, but it's so easy to forget and it takes so much motivation.)

300: I'll work on another Ao3 fic

500: I'll post some of the dress designs I drew. (They aren't great, but I do want to show people)

1000: I'll post some work with some of my ocs.

2000: I'll finally come out to my gf that I might be aromantic though still want a relationship with her.

3000: I'll finish and post a song I made up on tik tok

(Warning, it will sound terrible because I'm not good at singing or music writing. I was just bored)

Don't know why I made so many note goals. I have yet to get a post over 100, lol. I might lower some of them later on. Feel free to ignore.

Edit: Went through and lowered the goals. Don't know why I made them so high.

[zayray030]

🐝 anon

I was trying to do something cute but once again it turned to angst lmao. I love me some hurt/comfort. I think I sent this last year? But I’m pretty sure tumblr ate my ask so lemme rewrite it all out

So like treyace early stages yknow, they’re all cute and gross and everything is great until ace starts doubting how trey feels about him. This is before they’re together but they obviously like each other and they’re flirting alllll the time but whenever it seems like more is gonna happen between the two someone needs help for whatever reason and Trey drops everything to go help. (For extra angst and a splash of jealousy I’m gonna say riddle is the one that needs things a lot). So like ace tries to get one on one time alone w Trey but he keeps dipping and ace just withdraws bc he’s so upset

I think a lot of the hurt would be ace feeling like he’s second place all the time like, his parents didn’t exactly play favorites but his older brother always seemed like the gold standard and more well liked. He feels like his friends kinda like each other more than him and he’s the after thought of the group. All his upperclassmen have their faves and he feels he’s not one of them. So when Trey starts paying attention to him more he feels like he finally has a person that puts him first and that there’s someone who values him for the first time. Which is why it hurts so much when he feels like he’s playing second fiddle once again.

So Trey notices that ace is suddenly cold and tries to ask what’s wrong but ace isn’t great and admitting his feelings and kinda shrugs him off. I think the firsties start to notice he’s sad and colder so they try and figure out what’s wrong and there’s big emotional admissions and the firsties promise to try and make ace feel like he’s not the 3rd wheel to them all and they help him with telling Trey how he’s feeling.

So then there’s another big emotional display and Trey realizes that he’s still kind of a yes man and tries to be better while ace works on being more open emotionally and the firsties regret helping bc now ace and Trey are going to be cute and gross all the time lol

Oh I do remember this ask! I just kept on second doubting myself and not knowing how to answer thos properly but by god the extra addition?????? 👏👏👏👏👏

Ace feeling like second best is kinda what inspired me to write the one fic where the senpai just started to PRAISE him and I can kind of imagine this happening in a different scenario except the first years don't go to all the senpai they just go to trey since he's the boyfriend and they all try and basically try to get Ace to open up more

I can imagine Ace overlooking a lot of things at the start of the relationship because he's too bust focusing on the fact that he know has someone where they believe he's special and good enough but then he starts to see Riddle as competition and it destroys the good feelings he had

OH THE PRE-RELATIONSHIP ANGST????? Ace just constantly getting annoyed and thinking that things will change when he and Trey finally get together

OH, TREY NOTICING???? HE is EMBARASSED when he realises that Ace realises that he thinks he's second best to anyone in this school, including Riddle, and is trying to hard to prove it but every time he tries he's confronted with the fact that Ace is right

OH THE BREAKDOWN WITH THE FIRST YEARS????? I JUST KNOW IT HURT!!! ACCUSATIONS!! YELLING!!! INSULTS!!! TEARS!!!! OH my god by the end of it they're all puffy and red and all massaging ice onto their face to help with the swelling whilst still sniffling

From then on they make a group calender where they make sure that there is a group activity between a pair or a trio of the group where they are hanging out. Ace-deuce. Epel-jack. Ortho-ace. Jack-sebek-epel. Something like that so that they're all hanging out and they have a day where they're all together and they sit and talk no matter how humiliating it is

Trey deciding that the best way to truly show Ace that he is serious is by making it public. He stands in front of the cafeteria and loudly declares he can not be bothered to help anyone and he will in fact be focusing on himself and his relationship and Ace for the foreseeable future. He then smiles, princess carries Ace, and walks out to ravish him with attention 🩷

The first years are now forced to hear Ace gush giddily about Trey forever more but at least they get free dessert out of it

[tosahobi-if]

Yeri nervous for who what and why???!

Is what I asked myself after reading your demo. I already said this on itchio but I FUCKING LOVEED IT!

What an opener tho. That beginning Part was kinda scary af not gna lie. Was a bit gross to read. I could picture everything as you described it. But that's a testament to how well you wrote it and how grossed out and creeped out I got.. 😅

I love MC like normally I love the ROs or world building and it's also amazing but I haven't really truly focused on an MC in a long time until now. MC is so fucking weird lol we have issues.. we are an issue. And it fascinated the hell out of me.

MCs inner dialog while being slightly murderous in nature is So hilarious like MC is funny.. atleast to me. (The internal plotting and scheming omg I loved it too)

I truly love the main character. They seem to have alot going on and alot of inner demons 👀 emotionally that is... 😏 and its just so cool. A MC with more than surface level appeal.

Also I love the romance options. The phrasing of it all is lovely. Not the typical blushy MC vibe. .

I'm so sorry this is long winded. I actually have so much more to say because of how truly pleasant I found your writing to be. You should be so proud. It was a delight to read... albeit a creepy one. But I'm so excited for more of this!!! 💜🔥

i hope you don’t mind i took so long to answer you! i’m so thankful you enjoyed it ☺️ the mc’s a fascinating character and i’m really glad they caught your interest already 💕

[peachjagiya]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachjagiya/751789107975520256/im-kinda-sick-of-waiting-around-to-find-out-if?source=share

Anon i feel the exact same way as you. I dont have a solution but i find it works best for me when i think of taekook as a fictional couple that i enjoy and love and that no one will ever be able to take away from me (i read and write fanfiction for one) and then the members as they are i take them as they are and what is presented to me. This excludes their private lives pretty heavily. In real life, though i want nothing more than for them to be ”real”, what i love about them is their bond. I dont go crazy with all the ”theories” that to me all seem like shippers choosing what they believe based on what aligns with their ship. And thats fine! But i cant delude myself like that. So what works best for me is: we will never know with absolute certainty what goes on behind the scenes. And thats how it should be. These are not our lives, its people who are actually strangers to us private lives. When taennie and paris happened, i obsessed over it, followed it compulsively. And eventually i was like. What the fuck am i doing? None of this, NONE OF THIS, has ANY impact on my life. I have nothing to do with it, and no agency in it because its got nothing to do with me. I cant control anything about it. Yes, I want taekook to be real, but at the end of the day, what does that matter to me? If i just want the relationship i can just daydream about it, them being real or not isnt actually going to make me any more part of it anyway (lol). Now i know that not just quitting them and instead staying with them could still be perpetating my problem but i hope i can continue to respect their private lifes. And i realize sending this to a theorizing shipping blog is kind of ironic, i do think theorizing is sort of inherently invasive (and rps in general so like myself included) but utlimately harmless as long as you stay respectful, they are public figures after all (please okay i mean no disrespect to you peachjagiya) So yeah, when that video with jk and the girl came out i was basically over it. My stance is that has nothing to do with me (and if its real i should not be able to see it and thats stalking and a gross invasion of privacy (same with the leaked taennie pics (although they are edited as hell))) so i do not have an opinion. I still love taekook. Are they real? A part of me is always going to believe that. But no, not that we know, and we can never know. But in any case, theyre real to me❤️ Hope this helps, if not then at least know youre not alone feeling this way (unless you dont wanna align yourself with my crazy lol), and i think some sort of distancing is healthy, not in a ”i dont care about them anymore” (like they mean so much to me, how could i ever do that), just another way of thinking about them. Yes its frustrating not to know but only if that knowledge matters to you. And maybe in the ways that matter (am i speaking in tongues rn) you’ll find it actually doesnt? All the love to anon and this blog 🦋💜

Some words for fed up anon and some ways of thinking about it. 💜

Just adding this second clarifying ask from anon:

No offence taken. I actually think a lot of what we talk about here isn't necessarily romantic. It's often in defence of their closeness in general because a lot of people seem to believe it simply doesn't exist. And in the course of denying their closeness, or minimising their importance to one another, there's a lot of anti-Tae sentiment, a lot of painting JK as something he's not, a lot of bending of ideas to fit weird narratives. That irritates me as a Tae/JK bias so I sometimes feel like I'm just battling that.

That's not to say we don't suggest romance. We definitely do. 😌 But you're right. You gotta protect yourself from potential upset or the weariness of never finding out by accepting that you're never operating at 100% certainty.

I don't think there's prizes for loyalty at the end. If they are a couple, there's no bragging rights if you never had a moment of doubt. JK and Tae aren't personally going to come to your house to congratulate you for never wavering. They are real people, not points to be had.

Sometimes we theorise and make jokes but hopefully it's a respectful vibe? I also hope people would let me know if the vibe got disrespectful.

Just because I'm worried how some people get:

Do I think they're a couple? Yes.

Will I continue to view them through that lens? Yes.

Am I putting my life savings and personal happiness on it? Absolutely definitely no.

Thanks anon 💜

Edit to add:

Taekook will stay cute! 🥰😘 😍

[eerna]

sorry this is SO long bc i packed all my gripes into one ask. I finally read acotar recently bc i knew it was trashy and bad from what i heard online but anyone id talked to about it irl was singing its praises, so i thought it could at least be a guilty pleasure sort of deal! figured id go through it kinda quickly so i got the other books on libby in advance.

after i finished the first book i immediately turned them all back in. genuinely could not take the writing style and lack of plot and general unlikeability of the main cast. the sexual tension that everyone who does likes the books raves about seemed so…forced? and i remember the only actual smut scene being just mid and boring, i was so confused where the highly acclaimed sexual content is supposed to be.

my theory is that sjm has successfully fooled naive readers into projecting sexiness onto every ‘male’ eyefucking feyre and inserting her into their various power fantasies but it just felt like a slimy veneer to me. like voyeurism in a gross and heavyhanded way

and i was really shocked by how bad it was bc like!! people that i know and respect and have other tastes in common with had recommended them!! i only even finished the book bc i kept thinking to myself ‘its gonna get better. its gotta get better”. i think i actually also sent an ask then bc i was really SO jarred by this shit lol

also idk if this was just me but the (multiple!) times sjm mentioned someone ‘soiling themselves’ during a traumatic scene seemed soo abrupt and gratuitous i was like. does. this woman have a piss kink 😭😭

only silver lining is i bonded w a new friend at work over not getting the hype. when she had a lot of the same complaints i was like thank goddddd im not crazy!!!

NO PROBLEM SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!!!! You are sooo correct in it all, the voyeurism the pissing the shallow chemistry, and I am so glad you at least got something good out of it!

[katatty]

Sims Say the Darnest Things: When you get this, list five of your characters and their best quotes so far. Then pass it on to five other storytelling simblrs.

Aw man, this is a fun one! I've been writing stupid stuff for my sims to say for so long it's hard to think of a top 5, but definitely have some funny moments I'd like to reminice on :)

“Who cares about work? Money isn’t everything, Raye!” “I’m just not sure I’m responsible enough for this. I feel like a kid myself half the time!” “Well, better grow up fast, because I’m keeping the baby! Bleh!!”

This line from Emmie is iconic to me and kind of sums up both the good and bad in her character! She's enthusiastic, chirpy and always ready to jump into stuff but can be kinda selfish/thoughtless with like, poor boundaries lmao. It also always makes me giggle adding "Bleh!!" to the end of her lines idk

Bella: Cassandra! Oh my, are you all right? Cassandra: I’m fine, Mom. Bella: You’re having a mental breakdown on our back porch!

idk this is just funny to me bc Bella is half concerned for Cassandra and half worried that Cassie is bringing down the vibe at her fabulous dinner party lol

Camellia: I keep thinking I’ve forgotten something!  Lori: Cami, I feel like that almost all the time. Nine out of ten times it’s nothing important!

I'm realising going though these most of them aren't even particualrly "great quotes" they're just things I found funny to write, haha. My way of escaping the "5 characters" thing by making them all require context or somehting. idk! RIP to Orion

Lilith: Since when you do you cook, anyway? Ashley: I’m teaching myself. It’s called having a growth mindset, you should try it. Lilith: Hey, I’m all about personal growth. You know I achieved lifetime happiness this week? Ashley: Our date was that good, huh?

Ashley & Lilith's unhealthy-ass relationship banter is always so fun to write, I really miss them! I really like having sims actually mention, like, game mechanics? Lilith saying "I achieved lifetime happiness this week" just tickles me. tbh i also think "it's called having a growth mindset" is really funny, really fits ashley's self-improvement-reddit-guy vibe

ok and my all time favourite scene/quote is this ripp moment idk this was 5 years ago but i still laugh thinking about it it was so unhinged

“So this makes us and the twins, what? Step-siblings? That’s hot.” “You are such a pig, Ripp!” Lilith kicked him under the table. “I’m gonna kill you.” “Chill out, Tank! It’s not like it’s real incest! You and Angela can keep fucking if you really want to.”

like most inappropriate and gross comments of all time????????? lmao. very sad that Ripp has grown as a person I miss writing him as an immature dickhead lol

ANYWAY thank u for sending this, it was really fun & nostalgic and has me really wanting to actually write posts again, maybe I will queue some up :)

tagging @potential-fate, @moocha-muses, @dunne-ias, @antisocialbunnysims & @rurpleplaysmuttingtonac if any of you fancy doing this :)

[eccentric-nucleus]

i'm gonna be talking about the weird porn game stuff i'm working on now, so you know, watch out

so as you may have gathered from my various posts, i've been working on the hell game 2 engine. currently i have events running mostly-correctly from data files, but i don't currently have state & pc data hooked up correctly so i can't actually e.g., test out various different sex scene variations based on the pc's bodytype. given one of the big failures of hell game (the first) was that i never really got complex event interactions working, i should probably think up some multi-stage demo events and get them working early on, so i don't end up repeating the same mistake

anyway as i have been putting this together i've been reflecting on the stuff i was dissatisfied with with hell game. unfortunately for me one of those things was "the sex scenes weren't as parametric as i wanted". hell game tended to break sex scenes down based on fundamental body plan (what i usually call 'bodytype' b/c that's the variable name for it in the code). that was stuff like: biped, centaur, quadruped, naga, snake, and 'other'. that's already a lot of totally-different variations but given i also let people change size there did kind of also need to be at least some size-based changes. but that's even more stuff to write for a single sex scene to have full coverage.

(this kinda thing is why i love to bring up the whole thing about nagas having a thigh gap in TiTS. they didn't want to change the scene blocking for all the doggystyle sex scenes! you can just say "between your thighs" either way!! i mean i get it, just, lol.)

but the other thing with hell game is that it was always uhhh a very early demo. it was basically a collection of contextless sex scenes with demons, and while there are worse things for a game to be, i did kinda have aspirations of, you know, plot, story, named characters that weren't just procgen demons, etc. so one of the things i've been working on currently is a ~design doc~ that covers setting & story details in a concrete enough way that i can reference off it and not end up writing myself into a corner.

and that gets us to the weird porn part of the post. i haven't fully committed to the current setting concept (scifi space station sucked through an interdimensional portal so it's now orbiting around hell, a la your dooms and hellpoints and the like; i feel like i'm maybe being a little too derivative here) so i won't go into too much detail but on the whole there is probably gonna be a more pronounced, you know, horror/grotesque influence. we'll... see how that works given that it is also a porn game

like yeah yeah plenty of porn games are kind of libidinal nightmare realms. coc had the parasitic dick worms. people love gross sex stuff. i feel like i kinda lost touch with a lot of my audience and now i spend more time around, uh, normal people who don't have deeply-rooted fixations. currently the first encounter i have outlined for this is uhhh a reanimated zombie who... lemme just paste the description in

A thing that was once a dead body, overtaken by something new. Its skin is a faded grey and its muscles are overgrown, proportions inhuman: shoulders impossibly wide, arms and legs slabs of striated muscle. It moves with an inhuman gait, as if the thing inhabiting it is still getting adjusted to human articulation.

There's a squirming thing wrapped around its head, all leathery purple-black flesh. A central mass covers the corpse's head: face smooth, back of the head a mess of overlapping tentacles. It has many long octopus-like tentacles that fan out across its shoulders and back. The tentacles trail down its body, clamped tight to the skin, before they sink into its body across its shoulders, chest, and back, squirming under the skin like gigantic veins. The skin around the punctures is painted with purple-black bruises. Glowing green ichor pulses through its body, pumped into it from its penetrating tentacles, feeding its muscles with unnatural energy. Its skin is a faded grey, streaked with ash, save for where its glowing-green blood flows, forming branching lines of bulging veins that cover its shoulders and chest.

A single loose tentacle extends from its face like an enormous proboscis, tapering in wormlike rings to a squirming tip, slavering shed ichor in gummy lines down its bare chest.

Its cock hangs heavily between its thighs, perpetually bloated and half-hard, with its glowing green ichor visibly pumping through its altered flesh. Its massive, oversized balls churn and lurch behind the fat stalk of its dick, pulsing with burgeoning larvae. Thick, translucent grey pre perpetually spills from its bloated glowing-green cocktip, painting wet smears of fluid down its monstrously-muscular legs.

it talks to you and asks if you wanna get pumped full of squirming zombie larvae so it can reproduce and reanimate more corpses. a lot of the encounter design is very much "what if you could fuck this DOOM monster"

anyway, that's like, normal. that's completely usual actually. having a cop fetish is what's weird and disturbing. okay okay that's just dumb glib moralizing i don't actually think that. but i mean, it is super weird to write stuff like that and then go back into the normal realm where people keep talking about college jocks or w/e.

but before i do much more writing i gotta hammer out the rest of the engine. next up: a lot of variable storage & thinking about how to separate npc data from the events they take part in. that's all stuff that needs to get coded regardless of which setting i go with

[soleilocverse]

Chapter 22 Commentary

Before I start this I want u to know I have ELEVEN. THOUSAND WORDS. of scrapped / rewritten stuff for this chapter u have no idea how much this chapter kicked my ass. like. i was writing it for like 7 months, my snips doc is LONGER. than the actual chapter

Cyrill shifts, trying to fix his slipping foot, and Soleil jumps with a flinch.

Initially I had Cyrill reaching out to touch Soleil w/o waiting for an answer. but like, between the BDSM / sex work specifically and scenting etiquette generally, i think Realistically he wouldn't in this case. I think, maybe further along when soleil is used to his touch / hasn't panicked from it in a hot minute he would do it instinctively and it might backfire, but in this case I think there's still enough distance between them + he has enough practice asking "is touch okay" and waiting for consent to touch soleil. (in the draft, cyrill's train of thought is that soleil feels better after a scenting and he announces he's going to touch soleil, just to give him some support, while moving at the same time to do so (instead of waiting) bc he's hoping that once he can start scenting it'll calm soleil down. but on re-read i was like >> he's not quite panicking enough to override the practice of ask then consent. he's just really uncomfortable w/ sitting and letting soleil cry + he desperately wants to do smth to comfort him. but clocks that touching soleil w/o his permission is a p bad consent violation especially wrt his past. even if he Is only trying to/wanting to help)

And then! Omega brain :) in overdrive just trying to make soleil comfortable (and, simultaneously wanting comfort himself but it's not really a conscious thing) Lots of cyrill wanting to help or do things a certain way but holding back this chapter (or trying to hold back and failing lol) I'm hoping the switch up in tone isn't too jarring but cyrill really is happy to have one-on-one time w/ soleil, In His Nest, and like ray (and athena), he's not nearly as concerned about being sick as soleil so for him. oh, AHDKHKHAK "i can fix him" is what just popped into my head but cyrill is like :D we will make it like a sleepover and everything will be fine now and i will help soleil feel better and it'll be great and also, In My Nest :) (also has been horny bc that's what he gets when he's sick but. he knows that's not an option, it still just makes him !!!!!!!! to have soleil scenting things his partners scented and again. in his nest. where he can provide and make him feel save and loved and comforted)

Soleil nods and then promptly ignores that. It’s bad to lie but it’s worse to be loud.

Was rereading for editing and kinda gave myself whiplash bc i was like lol at the first sentence and then got smacked with the second. Especially coming off of cyrill having an honestly p okay time POV

Also I'm like really happy w/ the pacing up to this point?? The pacing on this chapter was SUCH a pain, it was a delightful commenter who mentioned liking when i switched POV's that had me like ohhhhh maybe that's what this needs. bc soleil pov is great but oh gosh can it get long,,,,,,, also like, idk if it's dif for others who r reading this Once (or rereaders!!!! i adore u) if soleil's anxiety pov goes on too long i like, have to go do breathing exercises so ahdkjsahkdhaskjdhksa. it was nice hitting this point, checking the scroll bar and seeing i was exactly halfway through the chapter. that felt like good pacing for me @ okay, now we r in new location and hopefully the back half of this chap will be an upswing in mood

"All that mucus and gross sh-tuff,"

I think it's v funny that the others do their best not to curse around soleil. it's partially that curses can sometimes be perceived as cursing = angry and they don't want to frighten / trigger soleil. but also, i think it's a side effect of not wanting to curse around ness (who soleil is often. attached to) which is funny to me

Soleil’s asked for too much, he shouldn’t have gotten sick; he’s imposing, he’s being a burden, he’s being a mutt— ...but what if he taints him—

Obv the rhetoric is v metaphorically in quotes, I hope you can hear Grey's voice w/o me having to say it. I don't think the others clock just how far Soleil is slipping back in terms of thought process. Bc it's p internal atp and most of his external worries are around getting ness (and others) sick. But i think the fact that he's able to cry about it -> to recognize that it's stressful and he feels awful, is better than him pushing it down / repressing it.

Soleil slumps against the doorway of the bathroom

Wait I was just reading a reddit post about like, what americans do that signal in other countries that they're american and one of the points was "always leaning on things" and then i catch soleil leaning on this doorway for like a 3 second break conversation akdasld. it's partially like, chronic pain on both of our parts but oh boy do i love leaning on stuff <3

Evidence pile, evidence pile, except he keeps coming back to the evidence pile and he keeps. Freaking out.

I thought it was really important to show that Soleil is /trying/ to use some of those techniques he learned in therapy. Genuinely and for the right purpose (we'll get into how he misuses some of them w/ Penny next chapter) and ofc it's still overwhelming and it'd be easier / more familiar if he was able to slip back into old patterns. If he was still and quiet, if he was unseen, even to be hurt/punished would be familiar and therefore "better" than what he's dealing with now so he can't help but "wish" for it. "Wish" in quotes bc I think he knows, as the reader does, that none of the others would approach any of his struggles by purposely harming him. I wasn't sure exactly how to tag that but I don't think it's something unfamiliar at this point / in these kinds of situations and can count under the "misc trauma responses" blanket warning

“I don’t know,” he keens. “I don’t know.” A little burst of anger heats him—if Cyrill would just leave him or stop—stop asking him things like he’s a person— “Why—Just pick—”

I have yet to /really/ get into Soleil not being treated like a Person, partially bc I think Soleil is repressing it and he Does have memories of what it was like living before Grey, so it's not like he can't (re-)adjust at all to walking on two legs and sitting on chairs and taking a hot shower whenever he feels like it. And Grey could've been >> worse in some ways, like it's not as if Soleil Never walked, he was still spoken to (even if in demeaning ways), he was fed >> three times a day >> sometimes but the food was on trays etc. So like, the point being Grey didn't Actually really ever treat him like a dog, he treated him as a person that he wanted to humiliate and dominate. So Soleil never really was not-a-person, just a very dehumanized one, who still knew enough and had enough personhood to bargain when he really needed/wanted to. And sometimes being a person means that accepting or feeling that being told what to do and when to do and how to do it is easier, especially when following all those rules hurts less

He doesn’t think he can pick apart his feelings because he’ll pick himself apart in the process and he’s trying so desperately to keep himself together.

I like the literal sound of this sentence @ the metaphor but again wanted to point out he Does try. it's just that he has SOOO little practice in using his coping methods in the long-run that he just absolutely folds under this high-stress situation. next ch will be better for him <3

[narrators-journal]

Part 9

Ngl, I procrastinated on this part bc we’re getting into the chapters I’m not suppppper confident in. Like, I like them, but I feel like the characterizations aren’t the strongest, or the plot was too boring or confusing. Then, I ended up hitting a sort of slump in my interest in this fic. I had a lot of fresh ideas, this one felt kinda weak, then life has been rough, so I ended up putting it off MORE as a result.

But! I am determined to post this bitch! Even if it’s not my strongest work! So if you’ve stuck around this long, you are so fuckin’ great dudes and dudettes! I hope you can forgive any wonky writing or missed stuff going forward, I just wanted to get this part done since I’d left it so close to done, but left it hanging lol. Admittedly, no garuntee on when part 10 will be done, but there’s only 3 more chapters! So hopefully I can knock them out soon! Soon-ish! Before the next god damned Christmas!

Thank you for hanging on for this beast. I really do appreciate it. I’m gonna try my best going forward, and I hope you continue to enjoy!

Previous part: Here

Next part: Here

The morning after Yukari's questions was a bit tense. At least, tense enough for Ryoji to ask if they'd fought again when he noticed Yukari's vicious glaring.

Yet, with a limited time of her stay remaining, Minato ignored the dirty looks and kept his mouth shut. If she didn't learn her lesson with her first attempt, that's her issue. He told himself on his way to the kitchen on her final day. Only to freeze before grabbing the handle of the cracked-open kitchen doors when he heard the conversation. "Why are you so close to Minato?" Yukari was questioning. Which, while annoying, did pique the man's interest as much as it made him bristle. Stop that. Ryoji liking us does nothing to hurt us. Quit it. He scolded himself, shoving those anxious feelings back down. Him having feelings for me, good or bad, doesn't affect our relationship, it's fine.

That point didn't stop Minato from listening against the kitchen doors for Ryoji's answer, though. "I'm not that attached to Mina, am I?" He asked, a pause his only response before he hummed, "Well, if I must try to explain myself. He's not the first sacrifice to not fear Thanatos, but he's probably the most interesting in how he goes about it. Usually, even the most resigned offering snaps at least once, but...I think his only escape attempt was moreso because of what I did, not the threat of dying." he began, adding in a brighter tone "Oh! I also like his sense of humor, or, at least the way he's not as judge-y about mine. He's also got a nice laugh, and he's smart! Granted, he showed that by trying to escape. But, he was smart enough to try and cover his tracks, and use the snow to his advantage! Most sacrifices go for the doors, so, y'know, refreshing at the least. I get tired of the corpses only digging straight up to get out of the graves."

Naturally, the morbid attempt at a joke only got another unamused silence from the girl. "Okay, then why does he get special treatment?" "Huh? Whoever said he got special treatment?" Minato heard the brunette squawk. Sounding almost offended at her words before she continued with a light, but pointed tone, "I mean, you two seem close, you trust him enough to not be up his ass 24/7 around here," Ryoji cut her off, "Jokes on you! I simply haven't gotten around to asking him if I can be up his ass yet." Which, got an annoyed half-scream that time instead of a silent look. "Wait, where are you going?! Breakfast isn't done!" Ryoji called. Minato left to scramble away from the doors before Yukari threw them open as she snapped back, "Ugh, no! fuck your breakfast, I'm not going to sit down here when you're being gross!" "I was only joking! It was a joke, I didn't think it was that gross!- Oh, good morning Minato."

The pair stopped when they spotted the blue-haired man in his pale dress in the entryway of the fancy, gothic home. Yukari eyed him as Ryoji smiled at him. "I only came down for some breakfast, I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Minato offered, but Ryoji waved it off, "Don't worry, this works out great for me! I need to talk to the both of you, anyways." Which, got a suspicious look from Yukari as she squawked, but he added, "But it's okay! Nothing bad's going to happen." Not that it helped soothe her. "Why did you need to talk to us both?" She asked, "Why are you so hostile about it?" Minato asked her in return, getting his own glare from her.

He simply returned the evil look, his deadpan expression not shifting an inch, even as she asked, "Oh what, I just trust the immortal helper of the god who's keeping me trapped here?" and while her reasoning was sound, her sharp tone dug at Minato yet again. So he once again turned to his usual sass with her. "I mean, what's your other option? Try to bolt out of the door again? Because that worked so well the first time."

Thankfully, before she could smack the midnight-haired sacrifice, Ryoi caught her hand. His laugh a bit tense while he tugged Yukari further from Minato, "Chill out you two, I promise there's no need to fight over this. I'm not throwing anyone to the wolves, or implementing some form of torture." He assured, "I only wanted to tell you both at the same time that I've gotten permission to take some of my leave. So, you two will be here alone for the most part, but I'll come back to feed and water you." "Oh great, so we're like gerbils-" Yukari paused. Minato able to see the ideas in her brown eyes as she looked back at Ryoji, "Wait, you're leaving us alone? What about you being, like, a guard though?" she asked, the taller brunette giving a bit of a nervous laugh at her surprise. "Well, I mean...you won't just be here unsupervised with the doors open, y'know? That's asking for creeps to get in, or for you two to get out and freeze to death, or get kidnapped, or attacked by animals. In short, yeah no, Thanatos obviously isn't letting me leave you guys unprotected." And like a house of cards, Yukari's expression fell.

And, Minato couldn't deny that he felt bad for the girl. He may not have wanted to go back to the village that threw him to the wolves, but he recognized the pain that replaced the hope in her eyes. He'd felt a similar way when he'd woken up in the hospital after the crash.

However, the sacrifice mentally shoved that sympathy back down. No! No no, Ryoji is probably fucking Thanatos, getting attached to him is acceptable. Yukari is a bitch. She'll bolt at the first opportunity, she doesn't fucking like me. Quit feeling bad for her. He scolded. Taking a deep breath before zoning back into Yukari and Ryoji's conversation. Only to finally register that the taller of the brunette duo was looking at him. "Huh?" "You didn't catch a word of that, did you?" Ryoji laughed, making the sacrifice scowl a bit before he continued. "I was saying that before I go, I'll need to lock you in your rooms and leash you to the bed. Do you understand, Funeral lily?" "Oh, yeah, whatever." He hummed, shrugging it off. Which seemed to throw Yukari for a second, but instead of nagging him for it, she shook her head with an annoyed huff.

Ryoji, though, smiled brightly at his compliance. Giving the grumpy man a quick hug before he continued, "But! Until I leave, you two can roam around freely, I promise! So, how about we take advantage of that freedom and have some breakfast, hm?" before herding Minato and Yukari back to the kitchen and the breakfast he prepared.

Yet, regardless of the food's flavor, Minato ate it. For no real reason but to watch each of Yukari's plans flick in her warm brown eyes like movie screens. As well as talk to Ryoji for the morning. Though, once his food was gone and the conversation had dwindled, he returned to his room once more. Content to melt into the mattress and watch whatever tv shows or Christmas specials came on. Even if some part of him found it a bit repetitive.

However, the curse of a woman out in the hall interrupted that plan. God damn it, is Yukari gonna try to bolt out the door again? He thought with a sigh. Rolling his grey eyes before he pulled himself out of bed to trudge over to the door and look out.

Sure enough, the brown-haired girl was creeping down the gothic hallway. Past the pale vases of colorful, plastic flowers and gorgeous paintings. Gotta hand it to her, she’s got nuts at least. “Yukari, what are you up to?” He asked. Watching the girl jump a bit and whip around to look at him like a deer in headlights for a brief second before she relaxed. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m not going to sit here like a trained bitch.” She hissed back. Spitting the last word out like a poisonous barb at him, but he swallowed down the urge to return that poison and only blinked at her. “You’re being stupid, is what I think.” He stated blandly, “Do you even know where Ryoji is?” “He’s in the shower, I checked.” alright, fair I suppose. “And what’s your plan? Run out the door a second time? Go out the back and try to climb the brick wall? Try to dig your way out?” “I’m gonna try something, I don’t want to be tied to a damned bed!” She argued, throwing it into his face as if she expected him to react to her words. And, when reiterating Ryoji’s plan back to him didn’t get more of a reaction than his usual look, she barred her teeth at him. But, she let the conversation die there in favor of continuing her way down the stairs

Minato ended up trailing after the woman without another word between them. Playing as her shadow while she circled the cold brick wall that enclosed the snow-layered garden. “Is there a fucking reason you’re following me around? Are you looking for evidence to report to Ryoji?” She asked, spinning on her heel to fix the shaggy-haired sacrifice with yet another one of her dirty looks. “No.” he hummed, his casual tone offering little to soothe the melancholy anger in her face. “There’s not much else to do but follow you around, or sit and watch tv.” “Then go watch tv!” “Nothing good’s on.”

Yukari screamed through her teeth at that. Spinning on her heel without a further word to return to scouring the yard for some crack in the bricks, or tunnel hidden in the long dead fauna. Minato, meanwhile, hung back to watch her go for a moment longer before he finally decided to finally go defrost from the cold.

And, not too long after he’d left the girl, Ryoji poked his head into the living room, where the sacrifice had settled with a grilled cheese and a cup of hot cocoa. “Hey there, funeral lily, where’s Yukari?” he asked. His hair damp and hanging in his face, and somehow, his soft face and vibrant eyes were even prettier than before. “Oh, uh, she might still be outside.” Minato hummed, blinking a bit to bring his focus back to the conversation. Not the mental image of the man naked in the shower, rubbing soap over his soft body beneath the warm water- “Minato? You still with us, space cadet?” Ryoji hummed, suddenly leaning on the back of the velvety couch instead of the doorway. Bringing with him a cloud of sweet florals and honey from his soaps, and a casual smile. As if his suspenders weren't hanging from his pants, his button-up wasn’t open, and the shaggy-haired man wasn’t replaying their time together in his head. I need to jump this bastard again.

But, for now, he shoved those thoughts away. “Why wouldn’t I be?” the sacrifice asked instead. Doing his best to be as casual as he could be while an alluring mix of honey and flowers seemed to aim to seduce all the conflicted emotions it could out of him. His companion, meanwhile, only shrugged, “You looked a little spaced out is all, anyways! Did you bury Yukari alive?” He asked, only for his smile to drop when Minato shook his head, “Wait. So, she’s outside alone?! Fuck!”

And, before the midnight-haired man could explain any further, or suggest a second bath, with him included this time, the brunette was out of the room. Leaving him in a rolling boil of lewd thoughts and those usual barbed questions that always came up. Which, Minato took as his sign to move his grilled cheese and hot chocolate up to his room. Where, for the rest of the day, he stayed. A choice he soon thanked himself for when he heard Yukari and Ryoji fight from the top of the gothic home’s stairs. So, instead of getting tangled up in that, Minato made a beeline for his room and just sat in bed and watched TV once more.

Not that there’s much else to do around here. He mused when the daylight shifted from the sunny glow of afternoon to the warmer gold hues of later hours. A fitting transition. As, like the darkening sunbeams, his thoughts began to drift into darker hues. Maybe Yukari’s got a point...can I live like this? Spending my days watching TV and sitting inside all the time? Ryoji’s fun to sleep with, but the best-case scenario for me is that he is just a god’s assistant. Should I be okay with living on a leash until the day I die?

It wasn’t a fun train of thought to chew on. It was bitter and dug into the roof of the sacrifice’s mouth like a goathead. Not helped by the mixture of guilt and disgust it dredged up from the depths of his ignored feelings. Is this all it takes for me to submit to living in a dress? Captive for a stranger god? A nice house and a pretty captor? What the hell am I? The dumb protagonist of a paranormal romance story? Yet, at the same time that those thoughts had been dug up, other sour thoughts leaked out of their jars. Images of what memories he had of his parents, the crash, the family, and the institutes he bounced between. The dirty looks of others in town, the whispers, the avoidance. They joined in on the skeleton dance in his head.

With a firm shake of his head, Minato tried to disperse the horrible memories and the slurry of emotions they brought with them. Only for them to creep back in like the tide over the sand. Shit. Arisato, stop it. Think of something else. Think of fucking Ryoji again! He ordered in an attempt to distract himself as his fingers tangled in his shaggy hair and he pressed his palms into his eyes to try to force the tears that welled up in his eyes away.

But, a knock at his door interrupted his impending breakdown, soon followed by Ryoji’s voice. “Mina? You decent?” “Uh, give me a moment.” He called back, quick to try and wipe away any sign of emotions before he got up to let his companion into the room. “Hello again,” He chirped as he came in. The smile on his face that of a dog excited for a walk, which, almost awoke a pang of bitter jealousy in the male sacrifice. After all, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt more than a blip of joy. Yet, even then, it was never as strong as the excitement that glowed in Ryoji’s eyes.

Yet, Minato stomped that feeling down with the rest. “Sorry if I’m interrupting, but the sun’s going down, so I wanted to pop in and make sure you’ve eaten, taken your medicine, y'know. All that. Also! Explain that, because you’ve been here so long, I got permission from Thanatos to leave you untied in here! Of course, your room will still be locked, just to be sure, but you’ll have free reign of the room!” The brunette hummed, a sunny smile on his face as he hopped back to his feet. “Of course, if you try to take advantage of this, I will find out, and I will come back to catch you and tie you to the bed.” “You don’t have to threaten me to tie me up, Ryoji.” Minato snorted. The bark of laughter he got for his blunt flirtation a lovely sound after his earlier thoughts. “Behave yourself, Funeral lily. I’m too busy tonight to play.” The brunette scolded with a laugh as he headed for the door. And, while the midnight-haired sacrifice gave a light-hearted boo, he let the man shut and locked the door for the night.

With the door locked, and no plans to go a second round with Jack Frost, Minato kept to his word. He crawled into bed as the evening darkened outside to try and sleep the encroaching night away. Which, wasn’t a hard task under his plush, crimson comforter in such a comfortable bed.

So, before he knew it, he was jolting awake to the sound of a distant crash. Either downstairs, or in Ryoji’s bedroom. I guess Ryoji’s back. He thought as he buried his face in his pillow, That, or Yukari’s throwing a fit. Either way, the man curled up under his comforter and tried to let the infomercials lull him back to sleep.

But, when he heard his doorknob start to shake, he shot straight up in bed. His senses were immediately on high alert as he sat up in bed and scanned the dark room for an explanation. His heart thundering in his ears and time felt sluggish and thick. Yet, at the same time, those attempts to open his door continued.

Upon that second rattle of the nob, Minato’s body finally kicked into gear. Throwing his blanket off of himself to get to his feet. His storm-grey eyes widening at the light clicks of his door’s lock undoing. Whatever time Minato had to hide, was dwindling.

So, thinking quickly, the sacrifice squirmed beneath his bed. Oh god, this is so stupid. This is such a cliché hiding spot! He chided himself, yet, before he had any chance to bolt for the balcony doors, his bedroom door unlocked. And, from beneath the bed, Minato could do little else but try to keep his breathing quiet and watch as not only Yukari’s shoes, but those of strangers came into his room. Four pairs in total, plus Yukari. “Are you sure there’s another sacrifice here?” A man asked, only to get a hiss as one of his companions likely spotted the disheveled bed. “Oh, shit.” he breathed, before he spoke in a louder voice, “Hey, miss! Don’t hide, it’s okay.” “Minato’s a guy,” Yukari provided as she opened the balcony doors to look down to the distant trees and brush. “A guy? I thought women were the only ones sacrificed from your town.” He said back, and, some dark part of Minato wanted to snort at that assumption. But, he didn’t. He kept his mouth shut and only watched the feet shuffle around his room. One of the people checking in his bathroom, someone heading out to check other rooms. As well as another checking within his dresser, as if Minato could squish into the drawers.

Maybe checking under the bed is so cliché this’ll work? The hopeful part of the male sacrifice suggested in the back of his mind. Yet, as if that thought had given him away, a pair of shoes came over to the side of his bed to pat the bundled-up blankets before a face appeared to the side of Minato to look under the bed. “Oh! I found him!” He called, while the midnight-haired sacrifice wiggled away from him. “Hey, wait! We’re here to help you! You don’t need to be afraid!” The hat-wearing man said, grabbing his ankle to tug him back before the sacrifice swat at him. “No! Fuck off!” Minato snarled while Yukari huffed, “Look, he likes it here, can we leave him? Before the keeper comes back?” scolded by a gruffer man, “Of course not. If he’s got Stockholm syndrome, then he especially needs our help.” which, got another huff.

While they discussed what to do, though, Minato took stock of his new situation. Under his bed, surrounded by Yukari at the foot, a wall behind him, and two strangers on either side of it. God I should’ve jumped off of the balcony. A broken ankle would be better than this. Should I try to bolt for the balcony while they’re talking?

Yet, before he could decide, the man who’d grabbed his foot and injected something into him. “The hell was that?! What did you do?!” Minato snapped, but the tall man only sat by the side of the bed with the others. They had cornered Minato under the bed. Likely drugged. “Ryoi?! Ryoji!” Minato called, squishing himself to the wall, “Who’s Ryoji?” the first voice asked, and while Yukari explained, Minato’s mind scrambled for a way out. Only for the drugs to eat his thoughts and energy. Shit...Wait, no...don’t… Before he could even finish the thought, his vision dimmed to black.

[lactoesfreee]

not to defend Harlow, but his verse does not strike me as misogynistic AT ALL.

the line people refer to when they say that he is misogynistic says:

I had one girl (One girl), too boring Two girls (Two girls), that was cool for me Three girls, damn, dude's horny Four girls, okay, now you whorin'

People don’t seem to get that he’s calling HIMSELF a whore. He’s calling HIMSELF horny. Not the girls.

When I seen that body, you would think it was a dead body. The way I told my boys, come look

This lyric could definitely be said in a different way, but basics what he means is that the girl is so gorgeous it shocked him, like how how a dead body would shock a person. Like you’d think he’s looking at a dead body when you see the expression on his face when he sees her. It’s also a Boyz 2 men reference. Anyways, He’s so shocked at her beauty, that he tells his friends to come look and see for themselves.

Please don’t take this message badly, I didn’t mean to send this with the intention of offending you or anything, I’m just seeing so many people misunderstanding the lyrics it’s almost funny to me. Also, as someone who listens to a lot of hip hop, don’t ever take Jack Harlow seriously. He’s the most unserious rapper out there right now, so when I heard he was on the track, I already knew this song was gonna be campy.

Sorry for writing a whole book in your asks!

Ah, i figured theyd be talking about that line about being a whore hahah. for me, i knew he was referring to himself as a whore, but it grosses me out because he's collecting women like dolls because having just 1 is boring to him. and in the music video, theyre all wearing the same exact thing and following him around which feels like he doesn't care that theyre individuals, he just sees hot women to fuck yknow? thats my personal take tho, i assume its standard Jack Harlow stuff and he's not the only one that does it of course lol.

the dead body one surprises me, it doesnt feel misogynistic just a bad line skjdfsdf like i interpreted it as a play on 'drop dead gorgeous' but said really corny hahah.

i dont take it badly! i like having these conversations, and since i deleted twitter yesterday ive been dyin to know what people think of it so i've been seeking out opinions! im not someone that enjoys overtly sexual songs myself usually, so im kinda picky with the songs i listen to since it seems like so much mainstream music is sexual. but i respect people who make sexual music and listen to it! i think that theres better ways to go about it than how jack did, but i suppose it coulda been worse pff

[snarkythewoecrow]

Truth or Dare Tag Game

Okay, I am totally avoiding all my wips right now, so doing this instead, thanks @underwaterninja13

Which friends/mutuals would you call to hide a body?

@buckybeardreams I feel they would help without too many questions, and probably those would only be where and when, and if I needed a shovel

How many user subscriptions do you have on Ao3?

eh, more than some, less than others, but it's in the 4 digits

Do you have a crush on someone? OR If you're with someone, tell us one thing you love about them.

my hubby cuz he's ride or die, and didn't get all cranky yesterday when informed him in had spilt an ice coffee on the spare clip to my gun, and then kinda forgot to tell him for two days, and it had like caramel in it, and yeah, it was sticky and gross, but he cleaned it all for me, and still loved me after, and my bestie denim cuz they know all the right things to say when shit is extra shitty

What does the last DM/text you sent say?

(we were discussing tommy/buck lol)

totally, like all his other relationships were shit shows waiting to crash and burn, and like it showed, hence needing to talk to bobby every time about them, but like, yeah, with tommy it's different, it's a whole different vibe, mature and safe, for once his relationship isn't chaos and built on some weird and unhealthy foundation, like what he has with Tommy is just so different because if you think about it, he is the first person that doesn't want Buck to be something he's not, doesn't want anything from him other than to be part of his company, Tommy is patient and just wants him, wants Evan, and like there is no drama attached to it, they are equals and meeting with mutual understanding of careers, like they can just be and Buck doesn't need to struggle against what he'd faced in the past, partners only seeing him as a hero or a slut or as an object of death to study, like he really can just be himself with tommy

List the three friends/mutuals with the best takes.

@kittyneedsbetterhobbies @buckybeardreams

Share one of your favorite fics of all time.

yeah, I just went and stared at my bookmarks and then closed the tab cuz got overwhelmed, seriously, it's so all mood related for me, but there are some that are memorial for me, for sure, so maybe a few randoms that i recall enjoying but might be lesser known:

Jar of Hearts by Cupcakemolotov -- Caroline/Klaus (Vampire Diaries)

Of Old Soldiers and Missing Wars by NonchalantxFish -- Steve Rogers & Tom Riddle (MCU and HP)

of stitches and first meetings by buckaroos -- Buck/Eddie (911 but kinda crossed with supernatural)

List three of your favorite content creators.

wrinkling my nose at "content creators" being used as a term here, but anyway, definitely @voxofthevoid and um, pretty sure I don't have any others that stick out

Write one thing you love about yourself.

that i'm getting much better at being myself, no matter how weird that may be to some

Which fandom of yours (past or present) has the best fics?

idk, depends what you want to read, some fandoms are smaller, some focus more on wholesome shit, some are more big enough to include a wide variety of fuckery, so best depends on what's best to you at the time, but the bigger and older the fandom, the more likely the writers have life experience and actually had anal before which, my god, unless you like a finger in your ass for foreplay, my god, what is with the one-two-three fingers, you're all stretched, now let's go, shit? like every time??? anyway, continuing on......

Which creation of your own are you the most proud of?

Came back to edit and scratch that answer out, I really like and maybe not the most proud of, but definitely up there:

a little dented (but definitely not broken) by snarkymuch --this was important to me for many reasons, but proud of how it turned it, and of the emotion it captured

uh... not me forgetting everything i've ever written rn, um, i like a lot of the self harm ones, with buck/eddie, the emotion was nice to write, the build and tension, tbh, i'm blanking--i mean, the pikachu one was cute, also can't remember what it's called rn though, something like, I choose you pikachu (and other ways two idiots say i love you) <--could be way off on title there

Have you ever read RPF?

not really, though kinda suppose that's what I do with my friend by accident all the time when talking fic ideas

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) most likely to get away with murder.

probably myself, or like me and @buckybeardreams

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) who know(s) the most about you.

@buckybeardreams and weirdly, pretty sure @plotbunnypettingzoo has picked up so many random facts from reading my posts and talking to me

Now tag some friends to play!

@plotbunnypettingzoo @buckybeardreams @kittyneedsbetterhobbies and anyone else interested

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Hello, it's the anon-who-doesn't-understand-what's-so-great-about-sex again :) Thank you so much for your response to my previous ask, I really appreciate it.

I like your answer about bringing physical pleasure to the person you're having sex with, it's unironically wholesome. I can compare it to making a cat purr when giving her belly scratches (yeah, my cat loves me that much 🥰).

When I asked about how do you experience sexual attraction, I meant that... well... I'm not sure I know what "the usual way" is, tbh. I know the way people describe the beginning of sexual attraction when writing books and fanfics, but I wanted to hear something about that from a real person with experience. Like, what goes through your head when you see a woman and feel attracted to her (for the first time)?

I do not consider myself insecure about my body (thanks to a very nice upbringing, my parents never made me look at my body as something to be judged). That being said, I've never even seen a gynecologist because, it's gonna sound childish, but I'm scared of some stranger looking at and touching my genitals. I don't think it's a sexual trauma thing, though, because in that regard I had a totally non-traumatic childhood, thought I was extremely scared of getting sex education even from my mom before I turned seventeen (but that's probably because of my awful classmates who loved making inappropriate jokes all the time). Do you think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without having a sexual trauma?

About masturbation. The thing is, I've never done something that could be described as "touching myself". I'm not even sure what I do (cross my legs and constrict my hip muscles, if that makes sense) can be considered masturbation. I kinda tried what could be considered "getting myself off" that way, and the only time it kinda worked when I was watching a sex scene between two women in the movie called «booksmart» (though I don't think I felt attraction to either of them separately). I never tried doing anything like that when thinking about men, because the mere though would make me feel disinterest at best and revulsion at worst (which is why I never read mlm smut fanfiction, despite liking a few ships). What way people learn how to masturbate, anyway?

To wrap this up, there was another anon, saying that some people who call themselves asexual think of gross anal sex when they see a gay couple. I just wanted to say that a) not only gay men participate in that kind of sex, straight people do it as well, and b) I personally used to ship a few mlm couples, and what kind of sex they would be having was not my first thought when I, for example, looked at fanart of these characters. I totally agree that people who first imagine gross sex acts between a gay couple upon seeing them are homophobic, and that's not okay.

Sincerely, anon, who's too fucking scared to ask google for sex education, lol

Thank you for your time!

To answer your question about what I feel when I'm attracted to a woman. Well, it usually starts out with me thinking she's pretty or cute. I usually feel a desire to talk to her but can't always find out what to say because I don't want to embarrass myself. I can tell a crush is forming when I overthink everything I want to potentially say. When I was in high school, I actually used to look up conversation starters because I was so terrified of winging the convo. I'd memorize a few of them so I didn't have to worry about our conversation dying. Also, being very aware of how I look is a sign that I'm into a woman. I'm a natural flirt so the desire to flirt doesn't necessarily mean anything for me, but paying particular attention to how she reacts to my flirts is a sign of something, definitely. And idk, just wanting to text her and hoping maybe SHE'LL be brave enough to tell me how she feels and hoping she hits on me and maybe take some initiative. I have no issue being the one who takes charge, but it's nice when women reciprocate. If I'm not into her, I actually do not want her to hit on me or return and flirts I may throw her way ('why flirt with her then' you may ask, it's because flirting can be fun and it's not my fault that sometimes witty comments take the form of flirts). I take note of how she looks at me when she sees me. Her tone of voice. I guess the way I know I have a crush on a woman is me becoming very aware of how she acts when she's around me.

Do I think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without sexual trauma? Absolutely! I don't have sexual trauma but I hate the thought of my partner touching me back. Sometimes we just don't like things, ig. And it sounds like you don't like the thought of your genitals in general. I have to ask how you feel about giving to your partner but not receiving?

Any act that involves getting yourself off without another person touching you is masturbation. You don't have to use your fingers for it to count. I dunno if crossing your legs brings you to orgasm but if that's what you do to relieve your feelings of arousal, I'd count it as masturbation, I think. It really depends on how far you go with it and your intentions. If you're doing it to get yourself off then I'd say that counts. If you're just relieving tension then it's just relieving tension. People don't really "learn" how to masturbate. It's pretty instinctual. Most people just touch their genitals in a way that feels good and then continue that motion until it results in orgasm. Tbh, it kinda sounds like you have an aversion to your own genitals 😅 Not being comfortable even touching yourself is definitely a different ballpark. If you're asking my opinion, I think you might have issues with being vulnerable/viewing yourself as someone with sexual desires.

[thatdeadaquarius]

A TAG GAME?! :O :D !!

✨️💙✨️

♡ 3 Lovely Ships:

Soukoku (i just think theyre so ✨️silly✨️ & couples that are @ war r my fav so- 🥰) also i recently discovered MANGA soukoku??!?!?! like theyre literally

✨️🍒🍑🍓🩹🩸💀🔫🏳️‍🌈🚔🗡🍉🍊🍋✨️ <- this

EraserMic THIS SHIP HAS BEEN IN MY BRAIN SINCE THE YEAR THE DAMN ANIME CAME OUT, IN THE YEAR OF YOU, OUR CREATOR 2016 I THINK 😭 (sagau ref lol)

IVE LITERALLY CEMENTED THEM SO HARD AS MY GAY DADS THAT I FUCKING FORGOT THEYRE NOT CANON- i get confused when theyre on screen and not more coupley 💀 biggest comfort ship <3

Myself / the near entirety of Genshin Impact Playable Characters LMAOO IM A POLYAMOROUS SL*T IDK WHAT U WANT FROM MEEEE-

♡ First Ship:

Wow, back in ye olden days.. hmm... i wanna say Sasuke/Naruto lmao, I DIDNT REALIZE HUT I HEARD THE WORST NEWS EVER RECENTLY THAT IT WAS ORIGINALLY A BL INSTEAD OF AN ACTION THINGY AND THEY WOULDVE DATED 😭😭

♡ Last Song:

Labour by Paris Paloma! Im so fucking obsessed it just embodies the entirety of Feminine Rage I need- and how hard women work all the fucking time!

(Idk ig this is part of the template but-)

Live, Laugh, Love Hatsune Miku too

@fandangotales lol

♡ Last Movie:

Cocaine Bear!

Kinda cgi gory, mostly gross, sometimes i gagged 😭, watched it in theaters and it was so hilarious tho, the dialogue was like, super natural too! Like realistic jokes i would make in those situations lmao

Hope i can write dialogue that natural one day :O

♡ Currently Reading:

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System!

I fucking love this light novel (AND ITS ARTIST?! I SAW IT IN A BOOKSTORE AFTER KNOWINF THEM OFF TWITTER AND WAS IN SHOCK-)

♡ Currently Watching:

Bungou Stray Dogs & Saving 80,000 Gold In Another World For My Retirement!

♡ Currently Consuming:

Some fucking stellar Boba teas from my local shop in town! I got a sort of strawberry frozen one with whip cream and mango jelly stars + lychee popping pearls And my quintessential Thai Tea w/classic tapioca my beloved <3

Yes... I am a fancy drink bitch 😔, now you all know my secret

♡ Currently Craving:

God who wouldn't I kill for some pasta rn, like penne with the sauce and the cheeseeee UGH 😫 </3

♡ HAHA IM TAGGING:

(no pressure babes!)

@mists-reading-nook (UR SOLDIER/POET/KING WORSHIP IS CONSUMING MY WORLDBUILDING HEART- I CHECK TO SEE IF U EVER POST ANYTHING/POST ABT KING BC ILY UR WRITING SM<3)

@lonelyrosegold (i just found u but i rlly loved ur background music about Linked Universe, which I also just found out about lmao)

@bk-4-trash-fire (the OG, the SUPREME, My Liege 😌✨️ ur actually one of the first ppl that rotred my brain over genshin sagau! Thank u for all ur cool ideas that i may or may not write an entire short story abt some day lmao! The Possession AU i made was partially inspired by you!<3)

@intothegenshinworld (new for me but awesome writer!! I cant wait to see more of ur stuff!)

@chocogi (UR PUPPETEER AU PARTIALLY INSPIRED MY POSSESSION AU! thanks for the cool content!!)

♡

@fandangotales & @undecidingfate

THANK YOU BOTH?! FOR THE TAG 😭 It sounds silly but ive never gotten tagged for these things before & i was so happy to see it ;u; !!

More asks answered/posts to come my fellow zodiac signs!!

Safe travels,

💀♒️

[angryteapott]

So I went back and forth on writing this because I just really don't think I'm qualified, but I would like to reiterate again how jarring and horrifying the narrative use of Nanyin was in the main plot.

Not only were there tropes I'm only aware of as a foreigner because I was told (poison insects raised by "shamans", use of braids to denote villains, etc), not only were they centering the dominant culture and doing 0 actual research, not only was it "problematic" in a way I'm definitely not qualified to talk about the nuances of like sleuth of the ming dynasty or a league of nobleman, it is explicitly genocidal without even the bare attempt of "well they are people...". Our leads repeatedly refer to "wiping out Nanyin" 100 years ago as a good thing that lead to world peace, and the culture of Nanyin is reduced to evil mind control insects and using heads to scare off zombies as well as "spooky" shrines. There's a point where it's confirmed that one of our Nanyin villains has a bunch of Nanyin children as servants, and our leads don't seem to think of them at all as they leave the collapsing mountain. It's disturbing to the point of it being bizarre. The only nuances here are 1) they showed one of the creepy evil sorcerers was screwed over by a concubine so uh i guess he was slightly sympathetic as the victim of a women are evil plotline? and 2) that despite them once confirming a guy was a villain BY HIS FACIAL FEATURES SEEMING SLIGHTLY FOREIGN the lead himself secretly descends from Nanyin (as does the emperor lol). But that nuance is lost because they focus way more on their status of being from the imperial family than they do that.

It feels particularly sour because the last episode is about forgiveness, and how even if you do something wrong you should be allowed to genuinely change. Where's that for the remnants of Nanyin? While still problematic and dominant savioury they could've at least had them try to convince to remnants of Nanyin to turn back and not dwell on revenge by that logic, but they're treated as natural villains who they need to compete against no questions as soon as the word Nanyin is mentioned. It's kinda crazy just how extreme this was. Off the top of my head I can't think of another story I've read recently that does this kind of contradictory storyline to this degree, because even in qi ye our racist leads are blatantly and repeatedly shown to be bad people in general (shout out to the kid our woobified lord 7th had bleeped to bleep).

When I write it all out I don't know. I love so much about this show, but it feels a bit like liking apocalypse now or gone with the wind: it's so tainted by racism that it's hard to justify liking, even if I lampshade things, especially since I could see this nestling neatly to subconsciously support that genocidal world view if you've already been primed to believe in it. I'm in the process of writing fic for this show but I keep putting it down because it feels that gross. Maybe I'll come to terms with it, after all, unlike gone with the wind there's no point in me pointedly disliking it because I'm just not part of the conversation it's affecting. But gross. The writers and producers should be ashamed of themselves, and maybe I should be ashamed of myself too.