#i keep having truama responses to stuff

[cottagepunx]

i am just about to never talk to anyone again, i have almost no friends or life in person

[imadethisaccountforaheadcannon]

As far as i'm concerned Bloodmoon was the only one doing the correct thing with Earth

I don't watch her she actually gives me a truama response

She let sun the dude who took advance of the fact moon couldn't leave due to his kilcode to force moon to work without any form of compensation tne definition of slave labour, Did a smear campaign to the camera a large portion of the time painting moon as a violent psychopath often showed a complete lack of empathy for moon when he was in his psychotic state and the one time he did It was clearly false cause of the smear campaign and he comes out of everything looking sympathetic cause of her. Sun knew very well moon had things covered after KC showed up. Sun did some BS to make him look more "truamatised" to the viewer just cause he knows he's going to lose it and kill BM soon as in he knew KCs group was peaceful and he strait up premeditated killing them off only he accidentally killed moon in the process

Earth comes down and everythings okay

Eclipse targeted moon five times does what should count as rape against moon ounce maybe digitally molested moon ounce had moon legitly say something very similar to Earth when he first shows up but when she does it he starts giving out a backstory where he lied and victimblames moon and all it takes is her being nice to him for him to be seen as redeemed. I know it's not something that directly puts the blame on moon but he knew the fandom would take it as that so it was stile a lie and just because she comes along this is okay

Then next I know suddenly as soon a moon died only monty before he met earth as far as I can tell had a legitimately bad worthwhile reaction to moon being gone then she comes along and suddenly bam gone simping instead

Both Sun and Lunar Immidiately made it about themselves and lunar the starpowers was given so much sympathy and everyone rushes to his defence when eclipse targeted lunar and lunar just gets to blow him up but the thing is with how many times eclipse targeted moon he should have gotten that honour this and him being the one to get eclipse to give his backstory is owed to him but as noted earlier Earth took that off him but its okay ain't it

Then a yeah later I hear about literally everyone going after BM most of them because Earth is so "worth it" and lunars just a small bean everyone in universe treats BM as a monster for doing righteous vengeance and yes before I heard more heard he apparently devolved and he was just a badguy now and I accepted it and then I heard people thought he was bad cause he was going after lunar and Earth and like most of sun's group lunar got truama used as an excuse for not helping any moon. When it icomes to bite him in the ass Earth punches BM and then when he goes after her for that she's "traumatised" aka she got conquences of him coming after her then like most people on sun's side she just gets to use truama as an excuse to go after him and getting people to feel bad for her when it went sideways

Then they both die but only she comes back cause BM gets described as monstrous with how her actions allways seem to indirectly negatively affect moon it seems to me that thats most likely the real purpose on why she was created and I repeat as I put down before I believe she's a trojan it would explain why everybody instantly started treating her the way they did and why they so quickly started thinking about themselves instead of helping the the amnesiatic moon like they should have. She helps everyone cover up their wrong doings with cushy family vibes so they keep getting away with stuff

Oh and I nearly forgot the the asterals I barely know them the fact they only came for what moon produced and the fact moon was saying BS about himself yet taurus did nothing to counteract him means he's very willing to go along with moon being a slave

BTW as far as I'm concerned the hallucinations sun was having was to convince himself his victims deserved it just cause his unwillingness to take accountability is that fucking strong

[bluiex]

BLUIE, I have found a new way to torture Scar hehe (my friend was deeply concerned when he read it, but he doesnt understand the appeal to torture your blorbos) (tw: character death and suicide, i guess... it's zombie apocalypse ladies and gents and everyone in between)

So, basically, this is all the wonderful ideas i've seen from Vex hybridation theories, white hair Scar and the trauma of TCD. The way it would start is baby Scar (12 yo) and his mom live in the TCD world (his mom is a vex hybrid and his dad is like... evoker or smth, idk, havent figured out that part yet), and so, the reason why theyre in the TCD is bc his mom wanted to get away from the mansion she came from and wanted to protect her little grub (yes she calls him "my little grub", that term grew on me).

So, ofc, it's TCD, so, zombie apocalypse. So, they both pack their things and go north (totally not basing this on that they're in hypothetical USA and are going to Canada, no sireeee). And so, his mom is trying to find a way to get out of this world, but later on, she realizes the only way you can get out of this world is to die. Except, theres no guarantee you're either gonna die or you're gonna get infected, and if you get infected, can you truly die? Can you truly jump into another world when you were infected? Many questions, not much answers, huh.

And then time skip where Scar and his mom are running away from a horde of zombies. They find a surveillance tower, but they cant find the entrance. The horde is getting closer and they have no time nor the stamina to outrun them. So, his mom helps him get up on the tower and Scar tries to help her get up, but she just smiles at him and he sees his mom getting either eaten by the zombies or get infected by them. So, more trauma on him, hehe <3

Another time skip, and this time, he is all alone, he has learned he can use vex magic to help him jump higher up buildings, he learned how to keep his vex wings close to his back, not that they were useful with how many tares the zombies did to them. He has his Jellie plushie that he talks to almost all the time, even sees her as a mother figure (trauma hehe). So, he doesn't see that when he uses vex magic, his hair turns white, bc his mom's hair didnt turn white, it turns white bc of the dad side of things, the evoker and stuff, so, his vex magic has a mix of evoker magic and stuff. Also, his hair turns white whenever he thinks too much of his mom, like its a trauma response from his brain to use his vex magic to make it less painful.

Anyways, he meets a group of ppl and doesn't feel so alone anymore, so, his hair is back to its regular colour and the group called him "Scar" bc it was the name of his gun he found on a dead body and hes like, their best shooter. So, that group teaches him how to treat injuries (with a fuck ton of morphine and some medical technics), and just how to survive better than just eating protein bars and finding resources from dead bodies and from empty stores.

So, ofc I have to torture him, and make him watch this group die as a horde of zombies attack them, and hes just yelling shooting at zombies, not even noticing hes also hitting the group. So, he spends a couple of weeks alone before he misses a jump while running away from zombies and just shoots himself bc he doesn't want to get infected.

Um... I have more, but um... this got long... don't worry, hes gonna get his comfort in Kingdom Craft and with the Hermits. I just... didn't realize this was getting long. And it's been circling my head for too long. Idk if i'm gonna write a full fledge fic, but this... I just want to torture my blorbo, is that too much to ask?

-- bloop anon (i am totally sane and normal)

YEEEEEEESSSSS TCD SCAR TRUAMA ANGST LETS GOOOOOO

I love this bloop.. But YOU CANT END IT WITH SCAR SHOOTS HIMSELF-- BRUH

I'm very much a firm believer in the Jellie plushies being this huge comfort to him and just always talks to it and think in his head she talks back-

[letswritewithiris]

I was streaming today. I had to take an involentary break because of some stuff happening. But I physically didn't have the energy to Talk to my viewers. So I put on "subscriber only mode." And "emote only."

Whilst also turning off my mic. I didn't want to Not produce something because I would have been Disapionting some of my viewers who would have been looking forward to watching my streams and vibing with me.

But my energy always tends to Swoop too low when it comes to family buisness. And honestly I don't want my viewers to be affected by anything of the sorts.

My motto is my streams is nothing but a safe space for my followers/ lurkers or someone just popping in to have a look at what is happening in what ever category I'm Playing in the moment // night.

I don't like or even want to truama dump on them considering I have no idea what they could possibly be going through. What situations/ talk could trigger a traumatic response or even memory that they aren't ready to work through. Or is attempting to get help on.

So I've decided to keep some distance from my streams. Not that I have the physical energy to go along with anything. Cleaning is only Being done because it's what helps me Cope when situations get tough.

It's always something light that I would usually despise like, cleaning dishes or Scrubing the Countors.

But anyway.

For the first time I played "black out." dead by Daylight. It definitely was terrifying. More when I went up against a some what silent killer and not one that I could predict was coming. E.g sound queues or a baby killer. Who is still trying to get used to playing as one.

But it was definitely enjoyable. If I was to have more energy I would stream it for a long time.

- iris

[quazarrising]

I've already written a response about weather or not Demoman's mum is abusive so since you want to talk about Demo, I'll talk about one of my headcanons

Demoman has broken the Degroot Curse

Here's the idea, The Degroot Curse is as follows;

1) An genetic obsession with bombs and explosions but not necessarily the ability to handle them correctly or with enough care,

This leads to Children often killing their relatives, People loosing limbs, or going blind or deaf or straight up dying pretty regularly,

This is why "Demo's parents gave him up for adoption and then took him back when he explodes his first set of parents" weather this is a Degroot tradition or not, it and does show that seeing Family members dying is kinda normal for the Degroot line, which traumatized the shit outta them, leading to more reakless behaviour perpetuating the cycle leading to the end result of the curse

2) Family member will have at least 1 horrendous accident that almost kills them usually more than one

This results in the family believing that Every Degroot (who survives) will become disabled in some capacity that removes them from the workforce (at least their line of work) by the time they are 30

Does this lead to them to focus even more on high paying high risk jobs and overworking themselves to earn enough money for both themselves and their Disability care (from the ages of 30-80) and possibly their parents and their disability care? Absolutely!

It's partially a self furfilling prophesy, The curse only states that the degroot's will love explosives and not garentee being good at it, but the environmental forces make each generation worse and worse as they experience truama and overwork and then contend with their own mortality at like age 12 when they first learn that they are gonna be either dead or severely disabled by 30 (imagine being 20 and thinking your life is almost over, knowing that your parents blood is on your own hands)

Anyways so how does Demoman break the curse? Truthfully it's by the events that we've already seen, He looses his eye. But who does he look his eye too? The bombinomicon, or the ultimate book of bomb making. My headcanon is that the bombinomicon gives supernatural ability at bombs but at the cost of trying to take over your body (mostly body parts) typical evil book stuff,

but it does in fact give Demo a supernatural ability over bombs, In fact what little else we see of Adult Demo in comics (as it's the only joke they do with Demo) is that fact that he's perpetuating Drunk, so drunk he can't even function without not being 2/10ths liquor by volume. Granted this might be because Medic/ the respawn system keep Demo's liver intact and functioning no matter what he does to it but it does indicate that Demo is on the battlefield *Always drunk off his ass* Voice lines in game are often slurred and such,

So no matter how drunk Demoman is, he is still the a Merc equal in power to "my grandpappy gave me a portable telapoter design" Engineer and "I can cannonically bring people back from the dead (somewhat because I made a deal with the devil)" Medic, and say that is partially because the Fact that Demo has supernatural bomb sense,

This means that since he is able to bypass the second part of the Degroot Curse, that being exploding themselves (and others) and getting maimed in a way that takes them out of the workforce, as his own carelessness is offset by magic bomb knowledge

Sorry for rambling hope it was interesting

would it be a bit far to say that demoman’s parents are abusive? like they’re very clearly heavily overbearing but if you take into account that his mom was forcing him to get a job at like 9 years old, and his possibly retconned backstory of him accidently killing his adoptive parents which is apparently tradition in the degroot family in order to prove yourself? like am i just being a white boy or?

[arcadejohn127-9]

What if Mc was a person who don't take shit from anyone, demon human or Angel, and just was this small sassy piece of dynamite? How’d everyone react?

MC who takes no shit - brothers + undateables

Satans pact and chapter 16 spoilers

Lucifer:

So you've chosen death

This man can't even handle the smallest sign of defiance

an actual bitch boy

"You are here because you were picked to attend, you were listed to be under my care, this is MY house! You follow MY rules-"

"hold that for a second, I'm calling Dia."

He's so easy to rile up

You feed off his quick temper, he makes it too easy

But he deserves it

Too many times he thinks he can just control you and his brothers

You've cut Mammon down from the ceiling, when faced to Lucifer you just handed him the rope

"If you want someone to hang so much, do it yourself, old man, it is your fault after all - if you didn't leave your cursed valuables lying around Mammon would of never tried to steal them and get himself cursed."

Mammon:

He both scared of you and in awe of you

He's surprise you're still alive at this point

Of course you're alive, the great Mammon is looking after you

You have definitely called him out for being a tsundere

"So, you wanna make out or do you wanna keep yammering on?"

"I- You can't just be saying that to demons!! Why would I wanna kiss some human-"

"Kay, I'm going to go see if Levi wants to-"

"WAIT! DON'T DO THAT!"

Whenever he steals something from you or the others, you go on a man hunt

"Sell your own stuff! You always have something new in there! or are you that scummy and bad with money you need to steal off others ?"

Please have some mercy with him

In general, finds your sassy attitude interesting, always wonders what the new comment or roast will be

Levithan:

Scared and in awe but times it by 10

Is mostly terrified because you make him upset

Didn't expect to be called a guilt tripping bitch

"You're busy? I get it, I mean - why would you ever want to spend time with someone like me? I'm just some nobody, a yucky otaku who no one wants to be around-"

"I get having a low self esteem but shitting on yourself at EVERY given chance and then go on to be about how yucky and worthless you are when I just wanna spend time with someone else?! You can fuck right off!"

He thinks you're a delinquent, has gotten you a cool jacket so you can put it over your shoulders

You can pat him on the back for at least being able to stand up for himself, he's always ready to brawl and never shys away from calling his brothers out

Always lets you wear his headset and just watches as you cuss and sass any petty player

Satan:

It seems you keep choosing death

You wanna get sassy and back talk the literal embodiment of wrath????!

So - do you want be buried or cremated?

You take none of his shit

He respects it just as much as he hates It

We all know he has good control over his anger but there's a limit on how much of your attitude he can stand

"You're so petty, do you have to be a smart-ass about everything?"

"that's rich coming from the guy who threatened to cut off my limbs because I wouldn't make a pact wth him."

When he doesn't respond you just nod to yourself, checking your nails

"Yeah that's what I thought."

If he needs to come up with a good come back he always asks you

Sits back and watches you argue with Lucifer

Asmodeus:

He loves it until you call him out

Didn't expect to get psychologically profiled

"At first I thought you were just a narcissist but now I see you're just a Insecure man who placed his value on his looks and how people perceive him-"

" You can't seem to handle any type of bad press about you-"

"Oh? Did you make yourself look bad then blame it on someone else because they just wanted to do what they please? Oh boo hoo!"

You could end this man's career with a single word

But, if you're 'no shit' attitude is targeted to someone else? He's all over it

Will sigh dreamily and watch you chew Someone out

Unless you get super roasty and rude - he encourages you to talk to him with an attitude

"You're so hot when you talk like that~"

Knows you aren't all sass, he definitely enjoys your more softer side

Will invite you to a sleep over so you two can gossip and rant over a bottle of wine and do a mini spar

Beezlebub:

What prompted you to be this sassy? He's baby!

I mean, he did throw a fit when you ate his custard and destroyed your room

Sure, constant hunger is painful but he can survive without one custard

Yeah- he can be up for roasting and being chased out

"You've told me you literally want to eat me! How is that comforting?! You're hunger tantrums are already bad enough but now I know I could be on the menu?"

"No thanks! Do the hokey pokey and turn your goofy ass around!"

Has a habit of being your stool, he doesn't mind really, finds it pretty adorable actually

You're so small compared to demons so when a gym jock is being rude about you or Beel

You just snap your fingers and he'll sit down, hunch over and put his hands over his head

You'll just step on his palms (you take off your shoes angrily whilst telling the jock demon to not move an inch) and just go off

He understands where alot of your cusses come from, he agrees with you and feels guilty on his behaviour

Really likes it when you stand up for him; normally no one does that because he's such a big guy

Belphie does it but things can be abit disheartening when your twin Is the only one rushing to help you

Belphegor:

You know what? Understandable, please, fire away

Just keep making jokes and references to all the bad things he's done

He needs to be put in his place

The dude has literally killed you! If you weren't going to give him an earful when you recovered then what was the point?!

This man is one of many bastards in this school

Either watches you go off on people or sleeps mid arguement to stop hearing you call him out

"I'm innocent, I haven't done a single thing wrong in my life."

"wELL-"

He will always respect you for looking out for his twin, when he can't do anything he always looks to you to step in

Has held things out of your reach just to watch you get mad

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

You've chosen a fate worse than death at the cost of sassing a pure man

He gets upset but is very understanding, it's his companions who will handle your fate

I honestly, CANNOT, think of a reason you'd want to be sassy or rude to him

If it's just in general and not meant to offend him; he thinks it's very attractive

You've got a silver tongue and able to make a comment without much thought

Very impressive

His type is Lucifer very simple

You'd call him out for letting dangerous behaviour happen at the school and putting loads of faith into Lucifer

Perhaps point out how reckless inviting humans to a demon realm - who could easily be killed if they don't have an escort with them at all times

But other than that? He's safe

Barbatos:

He is your executioner

He can handle a jab

But he will remind you he was the one who saved you if you get too out spoken with him

that only gets him more cussed out though

"So you're aware of pretty much every event that happens, Right?"

"You could say that."

"Then shouldn't you use those abilities to then help anyone and stop all sorts of tragedies?"

"My Lord has stopped me from using my powers freely."

OKAY THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN CUSS DIA OUT ON

In general, you just make comments about how vague he is

He's too mysterious that it's just ridiculous

You want to get to know him but he just gives you that smug look and amused laughter

Solomon:

Can you really be blamed for being Sus of him?

He's so suspicious, for what?! For what reason?!

He doesn't like being called old? Depending how disrepectful you wanna be, you like to use the nickname "Grandpa Solo"

"I'm surprised you aren't actually some evil Wizard trying to get the brothers pacts so you can be the most powerful human alive and take over the Devildom."

"Who says I'm not?"

He's witty and smug

You're sassy and explosive

You're a duo that should be feared

The two powerful humans banding together? I'm sure there's a website on the two of you with theories of your evil plans

Simeon:

Finds your attitude delightful!

Didn't want his kindness to annoy you but it did, sometimes it is a crime to be Too nice

His favoured company are all sassy bastards so it only makes sense he likes you very much

"You gave them bangles that made them into SAINTS! that's fucking weird! And you had them turn into angels despite the fact they have truama from heaven!"

as mischievous as Simeon can be

His angelic nature really does pop out alot

"aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go ape-shit?"

"Of course not, there's no need but thank you for worrying about me, I know I can seem force and strange to you but I really do enjoy being kind to others."

"disgusting."

Almost fought him during the TSL event; you didn't expect him to do a 360 and become super strict

Despite your hard shell you care alot about the people you're close with and can't stand to see them upset

Luke:

It appears you're trying to throw hands with a 10 year old

He does seem demonphobic

Why are you always denying your true feeling??!! Just admit you like demons!

You try not to swear and be outwardly rude Infront of him

But sometimes this little boy really tests your patience

"Okay species-ist."

Is your main response when he's being a tsundere

He's the one who's the safest from your attitude

[christinaroseandrews]

Certified "Sex Doctor," Kira Murphy has always been a free spirit. She's passionate about preventing STIs, making sure kids get all of their vaccines, and celibri-stalking her favorite politician - Barclay Lucas. Sure, he might be a Tory (for U.S. Peeps that's the equivalent of the Republican Party), but despite his party trying to dismantle social protections he's one of the good ones. He's out to save the world and look good in a Savile Row suit. But celebrity crushes aside, Kira's out to make sure her patients receive the best care possible. So when a depressed, young man with HIV enters her examination room she's going to do what she can however she can to make sure he's given the help he so clearly needs.

Barclay Lucas has always been the responsible one. The reliable one. Mr. Fix-it. But when his brother, Henry, is diagnosed with HIV and falls into a depressive spiral, Barclay doesn't know what to do. However he doesn't need to, the eccentric and quirky doctor at the NHS hospital has managed to get through to him. But she's not his actual doctor. So Barclay needs to change that.

And with that, staid and conservative Barclay meets weird and wonderful Kira and their lives will never be the same.

I'm torn about this book. I've loved Susie Tate's writing in the past and Kira's been a long time favorite of mine since I first read about her in Beg, Borrow, and Steal. So I was super excited to read this book. I like politics stuff.(Anyone who knows me in Real life can tell you that). Plus, Anything but Easy has two of my favorite tropes -- Fake Dating and Enemies-to-Lovers -- it's like this book was tailor made for me. 

So why am I so torn?

Let’s start with the some of the good.

Kira is still her quirky fun self. She's unpredictable and has a very idiosyncratic way of speaking. I loved seeing her interact with her patients. She's like the definition of Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. She's tiny. Quirky. Out to save the world. And she possesses very little in the way of common sense or self preservation. But, just like the character herself says (which nice lampshade hang) she's a bit of an acquired taste. She reminds me in a lot of ways of Fandom!Darcy. You know the one who is able to draw Bruce out of his shell, keep up a prank war with Clint and/or Loki, and ride herd on all of the scientists while winning the heart of whatever avenger the author wants to pair her with. You know, that Darcy.  I like that Darcy.

But like Fandom!Darcy, Kira does some things that people in real life would find questionable or in really bad taste.

So I liked Kira. She’s a nicknamer. An idiosyncratic talker. She’s a bit like me, but with less fashion sense. 

So on to something I didn’t like.

The hero.

I don’t know if it’s me, but Barclay didn't grab me the way I wanted to. And I admit a lot of it is because of the current political climate. The Tory party is the one behind Brexit. The party of Boris Johnson, Theresa May, and Margaret Thatcher. I had a hard time rooting for him because for all that he was a nice guy, he's still on the political side of a party that has caused a great deal of harm to marginalized people. It’s like I said in a recent post, you may claim not to be a racist but if you support a racist institution and work to keep it in power then you are, in fact, a racist. That’s true here. The Tories are doing that in Britain just like the Republicans are doing that in the United States.

Barclay may care deeply about his brother. But he still felt his brother’s HIV diagnosis would hurt his political career.  This is something that actually happened in the book!!! 

He may like Kira’s quirkiness, but dear Gods is he embarrassed by it. He’s selfish. He does things that make it difficult for Kira to do her job effectively and doesn’t apologize for it. Because he doesn’t care about the people Kira is helping only himself.

So I didn't really like him.

Unfortunately, my dislike of the hero played into my "meh" feeling regarding the romance. It didn't land for me. The chemistry felt forced. It’s also the main reason I didn’t like The Duke, the Lady, and a Baby by Vanessa Riley.

I'm also leery of obsessed-fan hooks up with the object of their obsession and finds true love. As someone who has had to be the person to stand between the fan and the person they're obsessed with, I can tell you this isn't how it works. I’ve read a few other stories with this trope and it really bugs me. Probably because of the objectification but also because of my own experiences with being stalked.

Back to the good.

The writing is on point. Funny. Witty. Great banter. Seriously I really love Susie Tate's writing. The scenes with Henry and Kira's friends are some of the best. The creative nicknames and insults are faboo. I will need to add some of them to my repertoire.

Since Tate is a doctor herself in Britain the medical stuff is on point. I loved the scenes where Kira got to show just how awesome a doctor she was. Give me competence porn, I am so here for that.

The story toes the line on sexy. It's steamy and acknowledges that sex takes place but most of the scenes are closed door or hinted at. So people looking for super clean, this likely isn't for you. Nor is this for someone who wants spank bank material in their romance. I wasn’t in the mood for sex at the moment, so this worked. But I don’t like the moralizing that’s often in so-called “clean romances”... sometimes you don’t have to have explicit sex to have a good romance.

Back to the not so good. I wasn't the biggest fan of the ending. It was okay. Not bad, per se. Just not my cup of tea. I like to see more agency in my leads, and while Barclay had agency in his storyline, Kira did not.

Ask my editing clients and one of the things I tend to ding them on is characters, especially their female leads, having agency in their own stories. That they’re the ones driving the story arc and not the other characters -- particularly the male characters.

So while Kira’s story was resolved, she didn’t have a lot of agency in it. Which fed into Barclay tramping up and down all over her agency.

This book needs a whole heap of content warnings including: depression, suicidal ideation, frank discussion of STIs, frank discussion of HIV/AIDS, Medical truama, medical neglect (not by the heroses), sexual harassment, workplace sexual harassment, parental neglect/abandonment, mentions of past child neglect/abandonment, mentions of stillbirth/miscarriage, ableistic language in regards to mental illness, sexual assault, use of the g-slur in reference to clothing/appearance (This was not in reference to the Irish Travellers who do call themselves by the g-slur but in reference to clothing/appearance/lifestyle choices of two white characters.), use of food descriptors for POC skin (cappuchino instead of brown or Black), microaggressions in descriptions of natural hair (wild and unkempt). The last three are things that are easily correctable. But they are things that do exist and I hope the author educates herself as to why they are problems. (I provided links to some resources when I sent in my review so she can’t say that she wasn’t given sources. We’ll see where this goes.) In all, I liked and both disliked this book. I still love Kira. I loved Henry. Libby, Mark, and Millie are great as always. But because of the issues I've listed above I feel like I can only give this: Two Stars.

If this is your jam, you can get it here.

If you like these kind of honest reviews, please consider supporting us here!

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley

[midnight-fox-boy]

More About me/Views/Etc.

Hello everyone~! This post will explain more about me, my views, and anything I flnd important to add. This will be kinda long so please buckle up ;3 

General Information

Age: 19 

Gender: Demifluidflux trans guy 

Pronouns: He/him, they/them is cool too

Sexual orientations: Gay, Demisexual

Romantic orientations: Gay, Demiromantic

Alterous Orientation: Homoalterous

Other: Polyamorous

Relationship status: Taken

I love anime, video games, drawing, singing, and just browsing the web. I like to learn new topics, and explore new ideas and sciences. I want to be a therapist someday, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s chill too. I’m polyamorous currently in a monoamorous relationship. I don’t usually participate in discourse but I do have opinions/views on different topics. I am mentally ill and prefer not to be attacked. If I do something wrong or say something offensive, I don’t mean it, or I’m simply uneducated on the topic when I thought I was. I’m happy to take polite criticsm and never mean to do harm to others. So nothing I say is ill-intended. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Views on certain discourse topics

Aspec Discourse: I believe that aromantics and asexuals are inherently LGBTQ+ and should be welcomed. However, it’s up to them if they choose to identify with LGBTQ+ or not. 

Nonbinary discourse. Yes there are more than two genders. And no it doesn’t mean “Neither male or female” Nonbinary means: “Not explicitly a single binary gender” Which can mean someone can be both binary genders, one binary gender and other nonbinary genders, no binary gender, etc etc. So yes. I CAN be a guy and nonbinary. 

Xenogenders: I may not be able to comprehend it 100% But I KNOW that gender is diverse and confusing and you can label your gender however you want. Just be you! You have my support.

Nonbinary Gays/Nonbinary lesbians: YES nonbinary people can be gay or lesbian. Many of them are nonbinary women or men. Meaning they identify with womanhood/manhood no matter how that is. Maybe they have a primarily woman or man gender, maybe they’re man/woman aligned. Whatever. You do not get to dictate who is gay enough or lesbian enough :) 

(NO)MAPS: Are scum. Do not interact, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.If you support them then get the f**k off my blog please! I am a CSA survivor and will NOT tolerate pedophilia.

Am I a transmed/truscum? Am a tucute?: Well, no. I’m none of those. I do not believe dysphoria is required to be trans. As many studies show gender incongruence is all you need, dysphoria manifests in some trans people as a result of incongruence. Gender euphoria also exists. This is not a topic I would like to debate. However, I do believe that dysphoria or incongruence should be medicalized in SOME form in order for trans people to be able to get gender affirming treatments. (Hormones, surgeries). I would love to live in a world where those things are free regardless, however :/ (P.S. I am dysphoric)

Kink/BDSM: Well. I participate in BDSM and kink, but I do not post about it or discuss on my blog. I have spaces for that and this isn’t one of them. So no worries about running into any kinky posts on my blog. That wont happen. If it ever does, it was an accident. 

Transtrenders: I DO believe that RARELY, some cis people will pretend to be trans, not necessarily as a “trend” but to gain something in return, usually online. They may use it as an excuse to chase other trans people, or to have more “power” in a trans based argument. However, when people are accused of being trenders, they are usually not, they are just not what YOU feel gender should be. And people who fear they’re trenders? Impossible. You would know if you were faking. 

Self Diagnosis: I’m divided on this. You shouldn’t self diagnose many things. Like a heart condition, or cancer, or other extremes. But if you know you’re depressed all the time and can’t see a therapist, you probably have depression. If you haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD but experienced something trauamtic and show symptoms of PTSD, You probably have PTSD. If you were confirmed to likely have a certain mental illness but perhaps didn’t fit the “age requirements” for said diagnosis, you can probably take that as an unofficial diagnosis. As long as aren’t flaunting it to seem “cool” (and most don’t) and are using those self dx’s to find help resources online and such, you’re probably good. 

Fujoshis: Touchy topic I know. I do not agree when this word is used in specific contexts.

1) when girls think MLM relationships are “hot/sinful/sexy/dirty” , especially IRL MLM relationships, I think that’s fetishization, much like how many cishet men view WLW relationships  2) when it’s directed as a hate word towards gay trans men. I’ve been called a fujoshi for being a gay trans guy, and many of you probably have to. It’s wrong y’all. Gay trans men are gay men. Gay nonbinary men are gay men. 

Pansexual vs. Bisexual: Both are valid labels. All multisexual labels are valid. Labels are for you to feel comfortable with, and as long as you aren’t choosing one over the other due to biphobia/internilized homophobia, you’re probably good. Bisexual attracted to all genders? Valid. Pansexual with preferences? valid. Bisexual attracted to many genders? Valid. Pansexual and feeling attraction regardless of gender? Valid. Bisexual and identify the same way? Valid! 

Genital preference: Another touchy topic! The sad truth is that genitals DO matter to many people. Maybe it’s from truama, or an actual repulsion to a genital set. However, it should never EVER be used to excuse transphobia. You can not want to date a trans person who is pre-op, that’s fine, your loss not theirs. However, you cannot use that genital preference to see them as lesser, or as not “real” men/women. I personally have a preference for penises, but it’s only a preference. I would still potentially date a trans guy who is pre-op or never-op, but I prefer penises. But as I’m also gay, I likely wouldn’t date a trans woman who is pre-op/no-op. Because well, she’s a woman. So to summarize, genital preferences are OK as long as you aren’t a dick about it, or transphobic. :) 

Trans people and gender conformity: Alrighty. This is a favorite topic of mine. Do trans people owe gender conformity? Do nonbinary people OWE people androgyny? Nope. Cisgender people are gender-nonconforming all the time without dysphoria. We see butch cis women and Fem cis dudes all the time. So I say, why do trans men and women owe something different? While it is true that early in transition being GNC CAN cause dysphoria, that isn’t always the case. Early in transition I usually avoided feminine things and interests unless I was in the comfort of my home, but now I’m open to, and embrace my feminine and androgynous side. I’m in no way a woman, I just happen to enjoy some stereotypical feminine things. Many trans men do. As for nonbinary people, they can present however they want. Androgynous, feminine, masculine, fluid presentation, mixing it up, genderf**k, whatever. Their body, their choice. Sometimes you may be able to “tell” someone is nonbinary by looking at them, and that’s totally okay. There is no “looking nonbinary”. All looks on a nonbinary person are nonbinary. 

Anti/Anti-Anti?: Honestly I’m still confused in all of that stuff. Fiction CAN and HAS affected reality. That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy certain thinsg seen as “taboo” but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. PEDOPHILIA. You should not write, nor consume, fiction that presents a CHILD with an ADULT. It’s true that some pedophiles will write these to bring minors in and harass them. Even then, it gives stories for those sick f**ks to read. Do you REALLY want a pedophile reading your story? I guess I’m anti-ish. You can enjoy things that are otherwise problematic as long as you don’t let it affect how you treat people in the real world. Maybe you liked reading that fictional story about kidnapping and got off to it or something weird like that, as long as you aren’t trying to kidnap anyone or shit like that, I guess you do you, keep it to yourself though.

“NB” - Nonbinary or Non-black?: I went with POC voices on this. I will no longer use “NB” to mean nonbinary on my blog. You will likely just see “nonbinary” or “enby” used by me. 

Aspec, autistic spectrum or Asexual/aromantic spectrum?: I’ve seen very little evidence or claim on the side of “autistic spectrum” being the term. Many responses ive seen and sources claim it means asexual/aromantic spectrum, and has even been echoed by autistic people, a lot of them. If I see evidence suggetsing otherwise, I’m happy to change my language. I don’t want to be ableist. 

Butch/Femme, lesbian terms only?: I say no. I’ve seen a lot of articles, personal accounts, and history on the use of butch and femme. And none suggest they were terms only used by lesbians. From what I can tell, this idea seemed to be spread by “radical” lesbians and TERF’s. In history, many lesbians tried to distance themselves from all men, and encouraged non-lesbian women not to associate with men. This is obviously just a small tidbit of what they did in that time. However, I personally don’t use butch or femme, and don’t really plan to.

Specifically “weird” or crazy seeming kinks/BDSM styles: All I say is, you do you. If all parties are adults and consent to it, good on you. Just, keep it to yourself or in spaces dedicated to those things. As long as you don’t get off to ACTUAL CHILDREN, or try to bone or jerk it to an animal, you’re probably okay. Also don’t do incest, that stuff is bad. 

!!If there’s a discourse topic you’d like to see here, you can PM me or send me an ask. I’m happy to shed my opinions on stuff, but they will go here!!

[sadgurlsposts]

One of my toxic traits is when I have something really important to do, ill put it off, and do other things that can be important but not THEE thing I should be doing.

I'm doing a step 4 in my program - a moral inventory of my relations, my actions, and conduct. My sponsor gave me an additional weekend to finish it.

I put it off all day. I even decided to scan my entire house of recycling, things I keep holding onto thinking I'll use it some way, and got rid of em. My house is lighter ...but my soul was not

So finally, I cleared my couch, lit a candle, smudged, made some native medicine tea, and wrote my moral inventory.

Taking accountability and seeing my character defeats was heavy.

I cried.

But, I see how this step 4 is so beneficial. Its like detoxifying my soul; replacing truama trigger responses, and character defeats with principles, value, and self love.

Doing inner work is hard yo. Being honest with myself was hard. But at this point, I just want some damn peace, to have some usefulness in the world, and to enjoy my life without shame and resentment.

So a moral inventory is part of that process.

I have one more day tomorrow. I'm going to try and focus on my sisters & our relationships. It's going to be hard because I just miss them so much and I know I've hurt them in the past. When they both died, I promised that I'd do the work between us so we can heal. I can at least do some of the work here.

I also smudged to my dad. I told him I was going to take a realistic account on our relationship. Its not to blame him, but to see how his actions affected me so I don't have to continue carrying it, and then pass it on to my eventual children. I told him I was doing this out of love and not a lack of forgiveness or out of anger.

Heavy (and spiritual) stuff y'all. I don't know who to talk to about this. And if you read all of this, thank you♡

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Little bit of me to you...

So my friend posted in Facebook about blacks being hung. So I posted an article about how it was suicide on the thread. So this chick that don't know me (obviously) told me how it's dumb to read one article and think that it's true. Really? Yeah I got that. Like before yesterday. On the same thread some one else yelled at my friend for posting trigger shit. Then my friend was all I'm sorry, I'll try better. My friend is young. My friend is transgender. My friend had a shitty childhood and abusive mom. I've known Ash since I was 28 and my friend married Ash's dad and Ash was in high school and Ash was a girl. I still call Ash a girl because it's just so habit... So I try to call Ash Ash because Ash has girl parts and insists to be a boy. So Ash is a hermaphrodite-like ... Except it's not all physical. But anyways. Ash is young. Ash should not apologize for who Ash is. Or for trying to.change the world to be a better place. Here's the reality of being an advocate. ========== I thought it was in Roanoke, that's why I couldn't find the article. Personally.. I quit school and stuff... That sounds like a suicide but kudos to investigate because you never do know what is really going on. Ash, alot of shit you post is truama related. I have PTSD and so yeah some of it triggers. This article on a different day may had triggered. It's random from day to day at times. But so what? You can still post those that have truama can scroll past to find pictures of Happy puppies with people that are reliable to keep it happy and secure. Those that have PTSD need to have a balance in their news feed, so that they can scroll past and barely read the titles about shit that happens to little kids or blacks or any inhumane thing. And have the websites following that have happy endings. So post your traumatic shit but whenever people don't seem to support you, realize there are people that cannot handle certain types of inhumanity and there needs to be someone to shake the ground and make it stop. So don't feel unsupported. Realize that people have experienced the truama and have no hope left and so it's up to those that can handle the specifics of each traumatic event to try to investigate and put a stop to the inhuman bull shit on the planet. Besides. You never know what a trigger is. For me seeing a photo of a presumed to be happy cow while im eating a cheeseburger just ruins my day. Others a cute puppy will bring back memories how their ex slit their cute and innocent puppy's throat in front of them because they didn't do some trivial thing they didn't understand or because the puppy piddled in the floor because it wasn't put out in time. Or any other insane reason. So. You're not god you can't know what will trigger people. Will it bring bad memories? Will it want them to get up and fight the good fight? Sure if something is about rape or something, I write long news stories that end in that and I'm truama and I forget that others get trauma and I just post it. Like I'm supposed to remember to write #trigger ? IDFK I advocate against rape, rape of men and women. Yet some days I can't see a story about rape and be okay. It's humans. We don't understand ourselves. We can't be responsible when we are trying to bring awareness and incidentally make someones day or 5 moments suck.