#i probably sprained my hand bc i punched a wall bc i wanted to relapse but the last time i did that my fiance hit them and called me stupid
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i am just about to never talk to anyone again, i have almost no friends or life in person
#i feel rejected by everyone#i slept with one of my closest friends and now hes been avoiding me even tho we had been flirting for months#my partner is upset even though he said it was okay#i haven't talked to my best friend in ages and he hasnt reached out to me so i feel like thats just cut off#im not leaving the house and i feel like i am only bringing the people around me down#things feel good for a bit and then i just feel worse#i probably sprained my hand bc i punched a wall bc i wanted to relapse but the last time i did that my fiance hit them and called me stupid#i keep having truama responses to stuff#i haven't been able to find a job since april and i dont have enough money to keep living anymore#i havent had horomones in almost 2 weeks bc i ran out and haven't been able to get ahold of planned Parenthood bc theyre booked out until#like fuckin dec/jan and they dont ever answer their phones. ive gone so far as to call the ceo of my branch and she cant even do anything#about it.#i want to relapse so fuckin bad#everything is supposed to be going right for me. and its not. i apparently just do this shit to myself. i have to deserve it in some way
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