#i keep getting this feeling i should only post clean/finished stuff. but I don't do that anyway so who gaf

[fluffydeoxys]

he reminds me of lord hater, I think that's why I like him so much

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

[copperbadge]

Told my therapist about NaClYoHo, and she likes the idea a lot. But she had a really important question that I couldn't answer: What happens at the end of November for people who want or need to continue?

Hey, I told mine too! She thought it was a smart way to systematize something that even people without ADHD struggle with. I did write a little about this in the manifesto but not in a systemic way, and perhaps I should add some kind of "What Happens After November?" onto the end, so thank you for asking this question!

No system works for every person, and often if a system does work, only part of it works. So when I went to write the manifesto, I wanted to make it as modular as possible. There's a reason that while NaClYoHo is a community, it's a very loose one, without a messageboard or discord or anything that would more intentionally bring people together. This is meant to be a framework on which you build your own home, not an apartment building.

So honestly, what happens at the end of November is up to you.

(I'm assuming for the rest of this post that you've been participating, but if you haven't, that's okay -- most of this should still apply, it's just less about "continuing momentum" and more about "committing to an idea".)

I talk a little in the manifesto about how doing this can help to systematize it -- having spent 30 days putting on a podcast and cleaning can teach you that it's easier than you think, and can put you in the habit. So if you feel it's good for you, keep doing what you're doing. Even posting about it, if you want. Maybe find a buddy you can talk to about it, or give it five minutes in therapy every week.

That said, doing this Every Day For A Month can also be tiring. I find it stressful! I manage the stress, but right now I look forward to giving myself permission not to see something dirty or broken and feel compelled to clean or fix it. Part of doing this in November, for me, is that the rest of the year I can say "Well, that's a November problem" and let it go. So you can, instead of keeping on, start keeping notes about what needs to be done, and either wait until next November, or designate a time period every few months to take care of it. Or have one day a week that's the Salty Pirate day, where you do dishes, or vacuum, or fold laundry or whatever.

NaClYoHo is going to taper gently for me -- it ends tomorrow, but some stuff is going to linger, like the craft projects I need to finish or the furniture I need to assemble that hasn't arrived yet. You can also do that -- keep cleaning as long as you have energy and, once you're feeling tired, stop for a bit.

Now, bearing in mind that I'm just a guy on the internet, it seems like your therapist is engaged with your process, so I would recommend bringing it back to her. She seems like the ideal person to help you make a plan for after November -- you can examine your options, maybe come up with some I haven't named, and discuss how each of them might impact you. And if you're checking in with her about it going forward, she can help you gauge how you're doing with it. At some point it might just be so habitual you don't need to worry about it as a process anymore -- or at some point you might need to set yourself a boundary.

It can be a little intimidating to put yourself so fully in control of something, but the only way you make this work for you is to make it your own. Whether that means continuing on with your whole chest, or shrinking it down for the rest of the year, or stopping -- you get to decide.

Good luck. :) And give your therapist a high five for me.

[einsatzzz]

KHRe Projects Updates #2

Making another update post because OCtober is over, yippeee!! I'm very proud of the art I've done this month and I think it's also the most I've drawn for an OCtober event. I hope next year I'll be able to draw even more and maybe even complete all 30 days.

And with that out of the way, I'll be jumping back into working 100% on my projects. I'll post less art this month (save for asks if inspo strikes) because I'll be working on them behind the scenes, so I'll mostly be an OC supporter this month and just catch up on everyone's OC stuff that I missed whenever I have a chill time hehehe

Anyway, here's my progress on them so far!

Wiki: I plan on doing a lot of major edits on the wiki this time. I have a few that's already just sitting by on the sandbox pages already. I'll do them topic by topic/page by page, so whenever I make a major update, I'll do a post about it here (or maybe a summary of wiki updates if it's way scattered).

Planned updates this month include adding pages for Yui and then Tsuna (if possible Reborn too! I know they're a package, I'll do my best lmao please don't shoot me, Reborn!). I also plan to add another section under Relationships > Appellations for KHRe-Occurence interactions!

Webcomic: We are so back on this one! For now my initial draft of the chapter order in terms of character debut is more or less finalized. For this first part, I decided to just cover character introductions/focus chapters for now, which I estimate to last for about 12-13 chapters (covering for 15 characters, mix of canon and OC).

I should be able to figure out where to go from that point while drawing chapters 1-13! Daily Life Arc is so important to me, I'm not skipping the good shit 😆💖✨ But I already do have a few more Daily Life Arcs in mind after that and a few mini-arcs.

In terms of assets, I'm just thankful I even managed to put together some 3d assets/references I can use for Namichuu. I also more or less have the whole school mapped. I'll be putting this information in the wiki as well, in case anyone wants to make use of it too. Now I kind of want to make a rough draft of a Namimori map hahaha

Because of this, that scene with Ryohei convincing Hibari to do the trial in the Arco Trials Arc became even more funnier to me lmao 🤣🤣

For target release, if we're just talking about Chapter 1 then definitely this November is doable. But then I lowkey want to get ahead till to around Chapter 3-5 too! I'll think about it more!

My even bigger stupidass problem is I also want to draw a webcomic that's Oniyanagi 1st Gen-centric, but I only have two hands so sjhfshvfgs Making comics is so fun ok??!! I just don't have enough time lmao

For the artstyle, I decided to just use the same brush for the comic I did with Kana and Myell's Entity. The edges for that are smooth enough while still having a pencil-like feel to it, so coloring with the paint bucket tool would be easier. I considered using the pencil brush I'm using for rough sketches right now because I'm faster with those, but yeah, the coloring. I'll also be doing a mostly "Don't look back, just keep drawing" approach, so I don't take 100 years for chapter 1. It won't be 100% clean, but maybe just decently not messy enough? Anyway, I'm still thinking of other ways to be faster at drawing, aside from just increasing my overall stamina 😭😭😭 (I get tired so easily). Time to start lifting Ein! 💪✨

In addition to the main story, watch out for any new KHRe-OCcurrence chapters that I might drop in between 🥰🥰🥰

MV: I'm working on 📺MV and should also finish it within 2-3 months while working on my other stuff (2 weeks if I mentally zoom in & obsess over it somehow). I have the vivid storyboard for the entire thing laid out in my brain now. I think finishing this will hype me up more to draw more webcomic stuff hahahaha You'll know when you see it.

✦•····································•✦•····································•✦

Projects aside, I'll be resuming posting my other commissioned art here again yippeee!! I'm just really super thankful there are people who like my original stuff and interact with me here sfhdvhfvsvf and on the flipside, I'm also super thankful that people share their original stuff with me as well (or at least where I can see!). It takes a lot of courage to share your original works out in public, so it's practically SSR-rank content for me.

I have a few oc-related project/posts (even if it's not khr-related) that I have bookmarked as well, I'll do my best to check them out this month as well! Seeing other people with projects also hypes me up and inspires me, so the more the better! fhsvdfhgvhgdfvds Honestly, this small corner of the internet/tumblr that we have going on is kind of like a comfort place for me now, love ya'll ! 🫶🫶🫶

[ananxiousgenz]

TPP HADESTOWN AU PART 4

ANOTHA ONE. i am so sorry guys, but the muse has possessed me and i literally cannot stop writing. this is no longer a flash fic. i am now a slave to the au. this time will be a direct continuation of part 3 because honestly i wanted to keep writing that but i also just wanted to post it so consider this a kind of part 2 to part 3 if that makes sense

tpp mutuals come get your juice!!! @smidgen-of-hotboy @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @urjover @one-joe-spoopy @waters-and-the-wilde

when he said his name, juno heard it.

ringing in the background like the hum of a crystal wine glass.

the song.

when peter nureyev said his name, the song echoed with it.

"your name has the same melody," juno breathed, eye wide and searching for some kind of answers on the face of this strange, beautiful man. how could his name have the song of spring laced through it?

nureyev shot him a sideways look and took a sip of his drink. "so. what do you do for a living, lady who's going to marry me?" he questioned, leaning back in his chair and looking juno over with a gaze he could only describe as skeptical.

"oh! well, I work here at the bar with rita. she's over there. but you've met her already so I don't know why I'm introducing her."

rita gave a friendly wave from her perch behind the bar.

"I also, um. I, uh. I sing. sometimes. not all the time. i'm not bad at it. typically when I do sing, someone will give me a couple bucks. it's nice. oh, and uh, I can play guitar too, but I haven't done it in years, and to be honest, I don't really want to-"

nureyev cut juno off, looking away disinterestedly and downing the rest of his drink. "that's nice. so you're like all the other bar workers in existence. that doesn't exactly sound like something I'd want to marry."

suddenly, the butterflies that had been gradually building in juno's stomach began to unexpectedly drop dead.

"heyyyyyyy, that's not very nice, mista nureyev. mista steel isn't like all the otha ladies you eva met! he's a very supa awesome lady who I love workin' with and-oh oh oh! mista steel! you GOTTA tell him about that song you're workin' on! it's so pretty! and important! I'm sure mista nureyev would LOVE to hear about that!" rita cried, bounding off the bar and hustling over to deliver another drink to the table.

"oh, uh, yeah! I'm working on this song to bring spring back again," juno said, feeling mildly embarrassed that rita brought it up with this man who was still basically a total stranger. "it's not done, honestly, it needs a lot of work. but, when i'm finished with it, it will hopefully fix.....everything."

"wait just a moment." nureyev's brow furrowed and juno's stomach twisted at the sight. even when he was skeptical and defensive and bone-tired, he was still so damn attractive. gods, what juno wouldn't give to just kiss him right now- focus, steel, he's trying to talk to you-

"so you say this song will bring spring back again?"

"yup! at least it should."

"that's...." nureyev placed a finger over his lips in thought. "I haven't seen a proper spring in at least a decade, maybe more. the world has been so wrong in recent years... I shudder to think where it would all end up without the return of warmer weather."

"well, that's the idea with the song. I want to fix it. all of it. when the song is done it should put the world back on track. more sunshine, springs, falls, rain and flowers. you know. all the stuff that's just sort of been missing. maybe you could help me out with it!" juno grinned a bit sheepishly.

"and why would I want to help?" his eyes were cold, almost as cold as the biting wind and frost outside, but juno thought he saw the beginning of a thaw at the edges of his facade.

"because, mista nureyev. he's real good at makin' people feel like life is worth livin' again with that music of his. also, he makes the BEST chocolate cake i've eva had! and frannie agrees with me!" rita chimed in, cleaning the bar top as best she could with her short stature.

juno snorted involuntarily, marveling at rita's ability to constantly be focused on food. "it's true, I won a local competition a few years back for that cake."

nureyev's face had half a smile on it now, and the butterflies in juno's stomach turned into a hurricane.

"so you can make people feel alive again? that's quite a gift, juno. but what else can you offer me?"

"huh?"

"say, for example, if we were to get married. who would pay for the wedding rings? times have been hard, and gold is scarce. how would you do it?"

juno thought for a moment. "the rivers. they've got plenty of gold in them, and if my song works, they'll give it all to us for wedding rings."

nureyev's eyes glinted with something juno suspected was either curiosity or suspicion.

"what about a wedding feast? or a bed? good food and better beds are hard to come by these days. what would you do about that, juno?"

"the trees would take care of the wedding feast, and the birds would take care of the bed."

"with your song." nureyev cocked an eyebrow as though it was a question.

"well, yeah, of course."

"you talk a lot about that song. why don't you sing it for me?"

a wave of panic stuttered through juno's mind. "I can't. I told you it's not finished."

"you said you wanted to take me home and marry me, is that true?

a sly smile crossed nureyev's face, and goddammit it only made juno want him even more. "yes," he breathed.

"then sing the song for me, juno."

juno hesitated, then nodded in spite of himself. he shouldn't be doing this, he knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't help it.

he was in love.

and lovers need the spring like a flower needs sunshine. so he'd sing the sunshine back for peter nureyev.

he stepped back, breathed in, and let the notes flow from him like water from a faucet. the song flooded the room, hitting the walls and rushing back to his ears in perfect harmonies, and for a moment, he was back in that wheat field with benten, strumming guitar as he danced like a pheonix rising from the ashes, spinning around and around and around like he was the center of the universe.

and then the song ended. and juno was back in a shitty roadside bar, holding a perfect dahlia in his left hand, with peter nureyev staring at him now, eyes wide and sparkling.

"that's...... you...... how did you do that?" nureyev asked quietly, standing from the table on unsteady legs and taking the dahlia to examine it with shaking hands.

"i didn't do that, the song did," juno muttered as nureyev gently touched the immaculate petals of the dahlia, still damp with dew. rita beamed at juno from the bar and gave an overenthusiastic thumbs-up. juno just rolled his eyes again.

peter nureyev looked at him then, all of the previous frostiness gone from his eyes and something like amazement and love and hope spilling through them.

juno decided that he liked it when he looked like that. it made him feel like he really could fix the whole damn world with that song of his.

nureyev seemed to come to some sort of conclusion and slipped the dahlia into the buttonhole of his traveling coat. "so, what time does your shift end, my dear juno?"

juno thought for a minute. "uhhhh, the bar closes around 10. why?"

his eyes gleamed like a pair of stars as a smile twinkled on his lips. "didn't you say you were going to marry me?"

[elizabethplaid]

please clap - daily notes, oct 20, 2024

I think I'm swinging into a "mania"-esque phase, as I'm actually cleaning the upstairs floor of my house. Cleaning with chemicals, even!

My mental health fucks with me in various ways, so I'll keep it brief. Most of the time, I don't get everything. I clean the bathroom fixtures, clear out trash, but I'm overwhelmed by the time I finish those. I take what accomplishments I can, and I'm already doing nicely today.

Details below the cut, because it doesn't affect the price of tea overseas.

Wearing disposable gloves, I cleaned the sink-counter, the floor of my shower stall, and sprayed cleaner on other stuff. Gathered all the trash in that area, started a new bag, etc.

When I reached my limit, I laid on the floor for a few minutes. Then I sat in front of my bedroom door, where I gathered more of the cardboard tp tubes that Moscow likes to play with. I've gathered 34 so far.

Sitting in front of the fan now, still on a break. Next tasks will be to gather trash and bottles, then start putting away clean laundry. And before I finish my break, I'll call in some Rx's to refill. ========

Looking at the goals I wrote last week, I'm already working on a few of these today. Like I said, cleaning and laundry, and I've picked up knitting again. I've been able to wear pajama pants better, even while sleeping.

What's the difference between this week and last? Or even today and yesterday? It's merely that my inner-drive, my self-driven momentum, has kicked in. It sounds foolishly vague, but it's a feeling of whether I'm "ready" or not, not even having to think about it hard. Like, I've been planning my approach to all this cleaning for some time now, but it took "a shift in the wind" to make it happen.

There was a post recently that used the phrase "paralysis of will", alluding to executive dysfunction. There was another that mentioned that shame is a de-motivator, not a motivator.

The fact that cleaning triggers my anxiety (sensory, memory, sense of shame) doesn't help. My counselor has helped me learn to really celebrate and cherish these "mundane" accomplishments.

I used to get snide comments when I'd mention I cleaned something, that I "should do that more often". That would take the wind out of my sails; I'd feel shame for wanting to be proud of myself. At that point, asking for help felt like it'd only bring me more shame.

Today, I will do as much as I can. For bigger things (scrubbing the shower stall, vacuuming), I'll ask for help. I know I won't get snide comments anymore, but I hope my work will help "prove" that I'm doing the best I can.

Ugh, another week-and-a-half til counseling again, and I've already got a rich topic. Oof, I didn't expect to be acknowledging these feelings today.

I'm very glad that my world is smaller than it used to be. It gives me the freedom to be honest with myself, not worrying about criticism.

I already know I'm not going to be an ideal spouse for whoever, someday in the future. I have a lot of heart, but heart doesn't get chores done or pay the bills. So I'll pray my partner has enough income to afford to hire a cleaner for us, haha. And my counseling appointments; insurance only covers so much. :P

[rising-volteccers]

Whenever I see Friede get inconvenienced in the episodes, I can't pass up the chance to write something out of it. One of my close friends said that it's an endearing trait of mine to see an opportunity for h/c and jump on it, so here's a short, self indulgent piece post HZ030 haha!

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Murdock

--

After they've finished breakfast out on the deck, everyone pitched in to clean up the table. Diana, Liko and Roy carried used dishes while Mollie and Orla picked up other dishware before heading towards the kitchen. That left Friede and Murdock to do the heavy lifting by putting away the foldable table and chairs brought out from the meeting room.

When Friede bent down to pick up a couple of chairs, a strange wave of dizziness hit him. He just about prevented himself from falling over by reaching out to the nearest object for support. In this case, Murdock bit back a yelp from the abrupt hand that clasped his shoulder.

“H-Hey! I was carrying–oh, are you alright?” When Murdock looked over his shoulder, he found Friede with his other hand on the table, head dipped while he took in deep, steadying breaths.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” Friede eventually responded. Once the dizziness passed, he pulled away from Murdock, blinking rapidly until his friend’s worried visage came into view. Friede automatically wore an assuring smile. “Sorry, guess I moved too quickly.”

“Are you sure about that? I can handle things if you need to sit down.”

“Pretty sure! It was just a one time thing. Now come on, let's not keep the others waiting! There's a mountain of stuff to clean up, yeah?”

Friede once again reached for the chairs, though this time he made sure to move a little more carefully. Aside from feeling oddly tired, he didn't get any other dizzy spells throughout the walk towards the kitchen.

Afterwards, he could tell that Murdock kept a subtle eye on him by giving him lighter tasks. As that strange fatigue persisted, Friede didn't object to the lessened workload. It already took effort to act normally around the rest of the crew until they were done.

While everyone else left the kitchen to go about their day, Friede hung back until it was just him and Murdock left. Only then did he plop down onto a chair, legs splayed with his head resting atop folded arms.

For the next ten or so minutes, Murdock focused on drying up the washed dishes so he could store them away. He didn’t start up a conversation with Friede, opting to give his friend some time to rest. Perhaps then he’d share how he truly felt. Once he put away the tableware, Murdock went to the table and took a seat on the empty chair next to Friede’s.

“Are you sure you're alright? You look wiped and it's only after breakfast,” Murdock questioned, breaking the silence that had settled in the kitchen. That concerned look made an appearance again on his face.

Friede turned his head till his half lidded eyes met Murdock's. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm fine. Don't know why I got really tired all of a sudden.”

“Think it's a sign that you're getting sick?” If that was the case, Murdock would have to bring out the recipe for his soups that he’d make whenever one of them felt unwell. 

“No, at least I don’t think so. I don’t feel sick or anything. Just tired,” Friede replied, eyes sliding shut. “Which is weird cause I got enough sleep last night. Had a nice breakfast too so that should’ve energized me. Instead it feels like my energy got sapped.”

“Huh, that is weird.” Murdock crossed his arms as he tried to figure out what other reason led to his friend’s strange lethargy. Since Friede wasn’t on night shift yesterday, Murdock more or less trusted that he spoke the truth about getting enough sleep. He was also right in that eating the hearty breakfast prepared should have given him the energy to go about his day, not drain it.

What was different about today? Everyone ate together on the deck, though half the Pokemon didn’t really touch their food because they were asleep–

Wait, that’s it!

“You drank out of that Sinistea earlier.”

“Yeah? Nastiest thing I’ve tasted–oh. Oh.” Friede suddenly groaned out loud, burying his face into his arms again. Murdock can’t quite catch his grumblings but he was certain it involved his misgivings towards the Sinistea.

“You can’t really blame the little one. From how Diana put it, that Sinistea was just recently born. It didn’t know any better.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Friede once again turned his head to look at Murdock, sporting quite the miserable expression now that the mystery had been solved. People who accidentally ingested Sinistea not only got their tastebuds ruined, they also get their vitality sapped away. Seeing that the Sinistea was recently born and he almost immediately spat out the liquid, it didn’t really get into his body. Still, he probably accidentally swallowed some in his surprise, triggering its effects however delayed it was.

“At least we know the cause. I’m guessing what you need now is plenty of rest to replenish the energy?”

“Yeah. I already did plenty of that before…” Friede recalled the previous week of being laid out for a few days due to his bruised back. It dampened his mood to know that he’d have to rest some more in order to recover. He really felt like the universe was out for him with how the past couple of weeks went. 

“It’s only until you’ve got your energy back.” Murdock did look sympathetic. He knew all too well how Friede got when he was forced to slow down and rest for long periods of time. “How about you go back to your room and see about getting some sleep? Maybe you’ll feel better after a nap.”

Friede groaned once more but eventually, he did push himself into sitting up again. Running a hand down his face, his eyes flicker to Murdock. 

“You got things handled?”

“Yeah, you can trust me. Get some rest. I’ll wake you up for lunch later.”

Murdock reached out to offer a hand for Friede to take when he stood up. He didn’t look dizzied from the action so Murdock trusted him to make it safely back to his room. Once Friede left the kitchen, Murdock headed towards the fridge to pull out some ingredients. Perhaps a hearty stew was just what Friede needed to boost his energy later…

[grapehyasynth]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @lollygirlpops thank you!!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 126

What's your total Ao3 word count? 962,860

What fandoms do you write for? Currently, Young Royals

Top five fics by kudos:

Red White and Blue Jays

Agents of Shield drabbles

obviously

now you see me

your mother should know

Do you respond to comments? I do!! It usually takes me a bit because I have a system... When I am cleaning out my personal email inbox, which I do approximately every three days, I also respond to up to 5 AO3 comments. If you're concerned about my system, so am I. But it works. But I loooooove comments and I love responding to them and I love getting responses when I comment on others' works!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I had to go poking around because I definitely avoid angsty endings, but it would be my little Schitt's Creek fic the ex.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? all of them? 😂😂😂

Do you get hate on fics? not outright hate per se - i've gotten some kind of condescending or disappointed comments, and sometimes people leave rude stuff on their bookmarks (....truly, why??).

Do you write smut? i do, though it usually takes me some getting used to with a new otp.

Craziest crossover - I haven't done crossovers I don't think, but I do lots of aus combining fictional worlds, like young royals and normal people or rwrb and schitts creek. but only one set of characters, if that makes sense.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Kind of - there was someone who took chunks from my fic and someone else's fic, allegedly thinking it was okay to build their own fic around it. Not sure if it was an honest mistake or not.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, but not in a long time!

All time favourite ship? I don't think I can possibly choose hahaa. Wilmon are my current ship so that's where the feeling is strongest, but each OTP has held such a special place in my heart and life.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I started drafting a Wilmon Step Up AU that I think would be fire... I also started writing a Felice and Simon besties fic that I'm sad I no longer feel like writing.

What are your writing strengths? I think/hope I can really put the reader into what the character is feeling and thinking, really immerse them that way.

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm impatient! I hate editing, I hate sitting with a story, I'd rather write it all in one go and post it right away.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I think it's all about context. Why is it in another language - what is that meant to convey? Is one of the characters left out? Is it showing an intimacy between other characters? Is it an emotional outlet for a character? Is it supposed to keep the reader from understanding?

First fandom you wrote in? Harry Potter (Harry/Ginny)

Favourite fic you've written? Oh lord. You're asking me to choose between my children?!?! It might be recency bias but I'll say obviously.

I think many people have done this already, but I'll tag some folks: @bigalockwood @skibasyndrome @earlgrey-lateatnight @petrodobreva @wordthieve

[dreamingofmuses]

New Year's Resolutions: RP Edition

Howdy all, Ash here. I've been having a think while with family this week, and I've decided I'm going to implement some new 'resolutions' to try and help make writing in 2024 be way more successful than in 2023. This will include things from the running of blogs to jobs I really want to get finished. I'm putting them under a read-more to keep the dash nice and clean.

I will say, this has taken me an hour to write up, and I'd recommend you doing likewise if you think there's little ways you want to improve.

-

Overall Running of Blogs

I'm going to experiment a new approach to running the blogs. For this, I'm going to put all active blogs to low-medium activity. In other words, even if I am personally lurking on mobile, I won't be constantly writing things if I'm not able to. (Work is just about to get super busy and I'm anticipating chaos)

A queue/schedule function will be used for all blogs. I intend to dedicate one weekday evening to working without interruption on replies. Taking commutes to the city and family visits into account, this is looking to be a Thursday, which is the only day I am neither travelling to the city nor have a guaranteed family visit. Of course, this may fluctuate, but that's what I'm hoping to work with, assuming those things stay as they are.

However! What all this means is that I am going to tentatively take skullandbowties off hiatus. With that blog being quiet, it should be possible to juggle it better now. Plus, it's officially off-season so the demand for him from new blogs ought to be low. I'm very smart :D

I also plan to update all pinned posts. I am aware some of them are marking a vacation from months ago.

Individual Blog Maintenance

Create "New Here?" posts to add to the pinned posts/info tags. This is going to be a very quick crash course on what to expect from the blog, especially where some characters might diverge from fanon expectations.

FINISH. WILF'S. BIO. It's not actually relevant to anything being written on the blog itself at present, but I really want to flesh out his character and show that he was stuck in stories for years, decades even! The doc has the word count to 4,888 at this precise moment. This is a mix of summary and brainstorm. Since it's getting a 'little' out of hand, I intend to have a 'tldr' at the start that people can read, and then longer versions if they're curious to get the full story. Maybe even have it that they can jump to particular parts but... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Likewise, Noah's version of Space needs to be finished. This one is going to be a summary, but it's a case of making sure the pieces are in place sufficiently to have parts match canon Space, but also make it clear that there is a lot of differences between canon and what he went through, with his plot entirely spiralling away for 'Part 2'. This is at 5,794 words, and the ending has yet to be ironed out...

(I am going to stop creating needlessly long-winded projects for myself that realistically add nothing of value to my blogs. These two projects are exhausting...)

Theauthorlives is returning to a very small multimuse. Any muses that aren't ones I genuinely enjoy writing are being fully archived, unless they are muses that get no traction but I want to keep the possibility open. Details of that will be shared when I do this.

Redo some muse icons (not all of them!). Though the selection I have for particular sets is a lot, I still feel like I'm missing some expressions or poses. I would like to remake one batch of icons for three characters, and finish iconning a third. Replies seem to be shifting toward iconless, but I like them for asks or IC commentaries.

OOC/Mun Related stuff

Following matters that have happened both online and IRL, I've decided to take a step back from actively engaging with people. My focus will be people that I have been in good communication with for the last twelve months (as well as people I don't talk to frequently but am on friendly terms with) rather than people I feel I have to 'chase' after. Saying that, I'm going to try and not let past experiences meddle with anything in with new writing partners - whether these are brand new to the community or people I've not had the chance to properly interact with prior to this. Just be aware that I might not be super outgoing at first. (This is where setting limits and boundaries is good practice, everyone! Don't sell yourself short, and don't spread yourself out too thinly!)

Which is where I now say I want to send even more asks! Not just memes or sentence starters, but general questions about headcanons or muse opinions. I want to get people thinking more.

My stance on Discord still stands, in that it's solely for OOC stuff, but I'm not giving it out to everyone. However, I have been in two group servers that have little-to-no connection with writing rp threads in them. I would hope that I can fully regain my sense of comfort using Discord as a whole.

Art related

Despite socially stepping back, I still want to keep some semblance of 'community' where my blogs are active so people don't feel isolated. For instance, I want to do something that encourages invasions of ask boxes. That was good fun to watch as the chaos began to spread, and when people are good-humoured to go along with my silly ideas.

I want to have one huge art-related event at some point this year. I'm not entirely what or how to do it, but I think it would be a great excuse to practice something. Portraits, comics, something like that. I'll have a think. (For those who remember, the water gun event was supposed to have an art conclusion but plans for that fell through.)

I want to try and upload drawn responses to heythereneighbor once a week if I can. Obviously, this is depending on how busy it is.

I'd also like to try doodling more on other blogs? But I'm not sure if this is even something people want to see anymore. People might prefer I focus on writing if I have free time instead of doodles or little comics.

... the writing blog. I need to do stuff with that in general. Whoops.

Finally, I want to do what I can to the best of my abilities on a particular day. I've always told people over the years that real life comes before rp, and I still stand by that. Whether I'm around or not every day isn't the end of the world. The communities I write in are a lot slower paced than they were when I started, which is great! I need to remind myself that I don't need to be writing just because I have a bit of free time.

[pbandjesse]

I was so anxious about coming to camp today but honestly it's been a perfectly lovely day. Even if I was incredibly tired at times. It was a good time. The energy feels better. And that's really nice.

After I finish my post last night I would end up taking a second shower because I wanted to wash my hair. And I cleaned the frog tank a bit because the snails were outrageous. But it was a nice night and me and James went to sleep around 1:00. Should have gone to bed earlier but it's hard when you don't want to stop hanging out together. You don't want the next day to start yet.

I didn't sleep great. For one it wasn't enough sleep but for two I just keep waking up with all the anxiety and I'm going to miss my alarm clock. For no reason. And I would get up at 7:10 which was 20 minutes later than I had wanted but not because I missed my alarm. I just kept changing the alarm ending because I was so tired. I would get up and scream out loud and was just so unhappy to be awake. I would wash my face and get dressed but I was just miserably tired. James was very clearly not in a great place either.

They would help me collect my stuff and I had a brownie for breakfast that I would bring with me. James carried a box outside for me and said on the stoop while I was leaving. It was nice but I got to see their face right before I left. And it wasn't a bad drive to work I was just exhausted. I listen to a podcast and tried to stay positive.

The weather was beautiful today It was so nice and cool compared to the last few weeks. And I was just really comfortable which was great. When I got to camp I didn't have to clean up too much from people doing stuff this weekend thankfully. And I didn't need to do a ton of stuff to set up for the projects. Mostly I was just arranging the tables and making things nice and tidy. But I desperately desperately wanted to lay down.

It had been a struggle to keep my eyes open while I was driving to camp. I would finish setting up and then I laid in my hammock for the next hour. Until it was time for my first group.

And all of my groups were great today obviously. All the kids have been so nice so far this year. The teenage boy did absolutely clock me by asking me why all the adults are wearing platform Crocs now. And I'm like because they're comfortable. And the other teenage boy said eh and she's got spikes because she's punk rock! And I thought that was a very funny.

I was a little nervous because we were doing bead lizards and it is hard to learn how to do it. And I did give everyone the out that they did not have to make a bead lizard if they did not want to learn that skill they could make a bracelet instead or a necklace. But it was for sure one of those things and I'm like okay this is going to be tough but I successfully taught like a good portion of the kids how to make the lizards. I had pulled out some giant wooden beads so that I could explain how to put them through the string in an x pattern so that it pinches the way it needs to. And I was really proud of them the ones that were diligent and accomplished it. Some of them just were not interested and that's fine. As long as they're not being terribly disruptive I'm not going to ever force anyone to do anything. I'm just going to encourage.

I was a little frustrated by this one little boy who would not stop asking when the program was over. I was like it's an hour and you've been here for 5 minutes. And I'm like what are you waiting for? And he just wanted to swim. And I was like okay well you're going to have two programs before swim every day so I think you need to find some joy in the programs or you're going to have a miserable time. I totally understand wanting to only swim but it's cold right now and you won't enjoy it anyway. And he just kept like pouting and I'm like and whatever but you're going to have a bad time if you keep that attitude it's not serving you. He seemed better by the end of the hour. He had found that he liked the hammocks and he likes some of the toys. And I hope you enjoyed climbing tower which was their second program.

Second program did go a lot better for me though. More kids understood how to do the beads and I was very happy with them being able to complete it. They were also just good boys and I thought that their counselors were silly but you know whatever. It was a good morning.

Lunch was okay. The non-vegetarian version looked so sad. It was a very very pale chicken sandwich. Like one very sad chicken breast on a bun. The vegetarian version was at least breaded and I put mayo and tomato and lettuce on it and at least was interesting then. I did eat a little bit of my salad later in the day. I was kind of grazing all day rather than actually enjoying meals. Nothing really tasted like anything today I think I may be getting sick. But that's not acceptable. So I have to focus on not being sick. And eating is part of that.

I would go and enjoy my half hour break after I ate. They can't tried to show up 15 minutes early and I was like absolutely not go do something else. And I felt a little embarrassed but I have really have to set that boundary. You cannot be showing up 15 minutes early. It's just not going to happen. Go play Gaga. Go take them to the field. I don't care what you do but you can't do it here. And I know that that's probably annoying to some people but honestly I wouldn't make you come back 15 minutes early from your break so please don't make me come back from mine.

And they were till about it and they went to play a game. And would come back on time. They were day camp and both day camps would do very good. But I had day camp one today and take him one was hilariously little. Just so tiny. So I decided to not even attempt to make them do lizards and instead we talked about measuring and cutting string and then coming to pick your color beads and then they would bead a bracelet or a necklace. Annoyingly I had under judged how big their heads were for necklaces. So we did our best with that but most of them ended up with bracelets. And I think they did really good. And then they just played in the hammocks and held some animals and played the instruments and it was a good day.

My last couple of day was Denali. And those girls were so nice. I had essentially three small groups doing different things. I had a group of girls inside who were doing metal stamping and embroidery. I had girls outside making bracelets. And then I had some girls doing gimp which I have never understood how to do but zari their counselor did know how to do it so she was showing a few of them. They were becoming very frustrated but by the end they had at least started and they were doing a good job. It's always that starting block apparently is the hardest part.

I would also show some of the girls how to make the bead lizards as well. And I made one for Daisy, one of the new international counselors, and she made a big fuss about how cute it was. I made it pink with purple toes. And I am glad she liked it.

I was really excited to be done though because while I was really nervous about the new schedule and worried that there would be a bunch of changes, my schedule essentially stayed exactly the same and I'm so thrilled about that. But it is still very tough having five groups, or sometimes six or seven groups a day. Today was five and so I was done at 3:30 and that was excellent.

I would sit outside and eat some of my salad and Read my book for a while. Charlotte came in to borrow some string and she is making an embroidery of her and Kate's one cat that passed away on Friday. She actually had started the embroidery before the cat passed away and it was just serendipitous. He died super randomly and everyone is really upset about it. When me and James got the text yesterday me and Joe started crying in the car. I feel horrible for them I don't know what I would do if it was my cat. I would not be at work for one thing. I think I would be losing it. But I'm glad that Charlotte would come and sit with me for a while and tell me about him and I hope that her embroidery continues to go well. She did get blood on it and I thought it was funny that she came to me to ask how to get blood out of clothing. Baking soda, Tide pen, or whitening toothpaste all work fabulously.

Want Charlotte was done getting her string I would collect my stuff and head down to my cabin. I had brought some clothes that were clean and new towels. I forgot my laundry bag here so I didn't have as many new things to bring in but I have so many clothes here so it does not matter. And I would put that away and I went through all my box of clothes and refolded stuff and pick things out to bring home. I feel very overwhelmed by how many clothes I have just in general right now and Jess said she's going to come and help me go through everything soon. Not sure when that is because we're both so busy but I hope that we can find time.

I would end up laying down to watch a video and fell asleep for a half an hour. When I woke up at 5:40 I was so ridiculously dizzy. And I was like okay dinner is at 6:00 and it's pasta and I want to go even though I'm not particularly hungry. And so I forced myself to get up and I went to get my water and then I walked over to the dining hall and I was just so dizzy and I couldn't shake it off. Like the whole world felt like it was in out and out it was awful. And then when I got to the dining hall I found it it wasn't pasta it was meatloaf and I was not thrilled. But they had made me a vegetarian one and made a red sauce with no onions and so I was like oh thank you so much like it's going to be great. And I have never in my life spit food out so quickly. It tasted horrible. And I think it was not the food I think it was me. Because the roll and butter tasted bad too and everyone around me was saying how great everything was and I was like this is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. It tasted rancid and I am sure it was just me because I would throw it away almost immediately and drink water and then I went up to arts and crafts building to try to eat something else and everything I've put in my mouth has tasted off and wrong. And that makes me nervous because that is what happens when I get sick. I don't feel sick besides that. Now that the dizziness is worn off I feel fine. So I don't know why my sense of taste has gone all sideways.

I would spend the next couple hours of arts and crafts. I would stop at the office to say hello to everyone and tell them my weird food experience for the evening. And grab my big water bottle before I went to arts and crafts to lay my hammock and read my book. I realized I have forgotten my battery pack at home so I was like oh it's okay I got my charger but for some reason I also don't have that? So I had to steal the one I have in the car. And that's fine. Not a big deal. Just a little annoying. So I let my phone sit in the art building to charge while I finished my book. Girl interrupted was good. It wasn't as narratively linear as I was expecting based on the movie but I still enjoyed it. I really liked how it was laid out with the medical documents inside of it and also the relationship to Vermeer's paintings. I'm excited to start my next book tomorrow I guess?

Once I finish my book I would pack my backpack up with some snacks to bring down to the cabin to keep in the fridge. My yogurt and some of the chocolates and the caramel rice cakes. Just a couple things I have in here at night time and even for breakfast tomorrow. I also made a very silly little sandwich with a Hawaiian roll peanut butter and a piece of chocolate. Honestly not the best but I don't have any jelly right now. I'm working with what I got.

I just came back down here not too long ago. I been sitting outside riding my post while the sunset. I can hear all the kids that evening program and they should be finishing up soon and doing mail call before bed. CJ will probably be down in the next hour or so and I'm hoping that we can just get a very easy night's rest. I'm going to go change in my pajamas now. And maybe I'll put a video on in just relax and try to sleep earlier tonight.

Tomorrow should be a good day. Good kids good project. The weather should not be too bad. It's going to get warmer as the week goes on but I'm not that worried about it. I hope that you guys will have a great night tonight and I hope that tomorrow I can find more wine berries to eat because they're starting to pop up and I'm really excited about it. I've been walking around just popping as many berries as I can find. It's really early in the season for them still so a lot of them aren't ready but I'm very excited when I find ones that are. They are for sure my favorite fruit.

Sleep well my friends. Until tomorrow.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10.31.2023

Sorry this is a little late, I was trying to get something done yesterday and then I got overtaken by Halloween Festivities and didn't get a chance to post it, but this update is as of 10/31.

This week was pretty slow to get going--as per last week's update, I really didn't know how to get started with Chapter 3. I had to sort of think about it for a few days, during which time no writing-writing took place, but I did eventually get it figured out, and now I have a pretty solid outline for Chapters 3 and 4. I was able to get about halfway through Chapter 3, which involved writing one new flashback (which I had a false start on, but the second try came out good) and reworking two present-time scenes, one which needed a lot of work, and one which needed just a little (mostly deletions).

This week's wordcount: 23,299 (+5,439), with about 2,387 of new content.

I am very close to having more in my "clean, contiguous" version than in my "old pile of crap" version (24,245), and that ought to happen this week. My goal for this week is to finish Chapter 3, which two flashbacks (one of which is half-written) and one new real-time scene.

I've been having really mixed feelings on my progress. On one hand, half a chapter per week is proving to be pretty doable, and I'm able to see real progress every week, and it's giving me a nice amount of "I wrote!" satisfaction. On the other hand, if, as I projected last week, this story goes to 10 chapters, that means it will take me 15 weeks, which feels like forever. On the other hand, that will mean it took me almost exactly two years to write, all-told (including time I wasn't actually working on it). Maybe I should just be grateful if I can actually get it done in 15 weeks.

I made a joke about it being November and trying to hype myself up to NaNoWriMo-style push my way through this thing, but that's actually a really bad idea. I still think about that "writing is just behavior" post every single day of my life. You only get to write each story once, and I think it's important to take my time and enjoy the story I'm in, right now. Also, we're getting into the busiest and most miserable time of year for me right now, and I think it's extremely important to keep writing as a treat I get to do, not an arbitrary word count obligation that I made up to torture myself with.

On a final note, I'm in one of those weird brain-places that I get sometimes where I really have not looked back over any of the stuff I've finished. My usual writing state is to enjoy re-reading the stuff that I've read, but right now, it's all "Don't look back! Forward only!" I do think this is good, because I know this will pass eventually and there will certainly be time to edit, later, but I am also really worried that everything I have written is going to be absolutely horrible when I go back to it later. (In general, I'm usually pleasantly surprised to find writing I haven't looked at in a while to be better than I remembered, but it's not guaranteed, you know?)

(no art this week)

[bobwess]

In reference to the 'let yourself take a break here, not here" battery post...

If you don't mind sharing, what was your secret? I know everyone is unique, and not every trick will be universal, but as a current struggling 20 year old...I'll take what I can get...

It took a long time, and I still find myself now having to remind myself, like almost give myself a talking to like "no, you need to sit for 15 minutes. You're going to be better if you do." or "no, you've done a lot today. It's time to relax for the rest of the evening." or "Tuesday the 25th you are doing nothing you fuckwit. And I mean it, nothing." My first breakthrough on the mental side of it was I was telling someone that I'm always working myself to almost breakdown and mental or physical exhaustion because I'm just doing my best to get stuff done. And they said "You are no longer doing your best if you are overtired" Which was true. When I allow myself the break, I could come back and do better than I would have done if I just worked all the way through it. And since my main motivation was trying to do my best, I was actively sabotaging my goal. It sort of was an ah-hah moment.

Realistically though, taking breaks, like any skill, takes practice. You're gonna have to force yourself to stop. You may have to set an alarm and put a stop watch and give yourself a mandatory sit down every couple hours. You should absolutely schedule on the calendar a day where you do no errands and no chores and no work and just take the whole day to eat nice food and do nice things like tv or games, and you're going to feel guilty the whole time because you aren't practiced enough to be good at it yet. But you're going to figure out that you're doing much better and it'll become natural. Using training wheels like literally setting alarms for yourself is fine.

Reading your body and mental state and learning what the signals are that you'd be better off if you stopped for a 15 minute break or stopped for the evening, and then executing it takes practice too. And once you're good at it, that's most of the battle won. Beyond that, it's just, 90% of tasks will just be just fine if they aren't done, realistically, even for weeks. If you don't sweep the floor, the worst thing that will happen is it will stay dirty for a bit longer. Tasks are just a revolving list. Pushing yourself because "if I just finish my tasks I can take a break" is fiction. The goal should be "I just need to figure out how much I can do at a time without exhausting myself and I will be better."

A note that helps: You may be somewhat adverse to taking breaks because they're long and terrible and can really kill the momentum. But your breaks are only unbearably long because you were overtired and needed to recover so much. Once you get it down you'll be pleased to know that breaks when taken earlier are a lot shorter and more restful than the exhaustion I-stopped-and-died break you'll take later.

I personally now every night pick two and only two tasks to do tomorrow. (Took a while to learn that "clean the house" does not in fact count as one task. "clean the toilets" counts as one task.) If I happen to feel good I'll do a couple more, but I won't let myself do much more because I'll burn out and feel awful later. Also I turned off push notifications, and had to learn that sitting and responding to emails/people, just because I was sitting, didn't count as a break, because I was still actively doing things for other people at that point.

But long lists are not going to help you take breaks, you're going to fall back into the "if I just finish the list---" mindset which is unhelpful. Two tasks. Tomorrow for me is "Change the ferret litter" and "capture clips for my next video". If I do more, I do more. If not, the earth will keep turning in spite of it.

IDK. This is a long rambling answer that isn't the most coherent, but these are a few thoughts on how I came to sort of be. Not that I'm a master of it, but it sort of clicked for me admittedly somewhat recently. But yeah. Mostly just practice until you got it down, and schedule breaks for yourself until you're good at reading your body language and taking one as needed.

[tippenfunkaport]

WIPs Status Update

I am fairly confident no one cares what I am up to, but I haven't done one of these in ages so I figured I should.

In Progress Fanfic

Outlaws of the Whispering Woods

This fic is on temporary hiatus because I'm working on finishing it as part of the @wipbigbang. Participation in that event means I can't update that fic again until the posting period starts on September 8th BUT that once that posting period begins, I should have both art for the new chapter as well as regular updates through November until the fic is done which should be exciting. 

That said, there is still like 60k ish to go in that story so if it looks like I'm not going to be able to get it all done in time, I might swap it out for the Chipped Glimmer fic which has also been languishing in WIP hell because it's shorter and easier for me to get done on time. I'd prefer to use the event as a kick in the pants to finish OotWW, though, so we'll see.

Prince Glowyn the Fourth

This fic is 100% complete at last, I just have one chapter left to post and will be doing that sometime within the next week.

Going There

Just about four years after I started it, Going There is finally done as well! (Literally just finished it today!) "Done" in this case means I finally rewrote the back end and filled in the missing connecty bits I never wrote the first time so everything's written, it's just going to take me an unknown quantity of time to edit and post each of the chapters. But less time than rewriting it all took so I expect those last few updates to come fairly regularly once I get them started.

Coming Home

I have always said that I wanted to wait to continue this fic until Going There was done so now that I have finally finished it, the sequel can get my attention more regularly again. That said, with everything going on with the WIP Bang, posting the rest of Going There, running the Big Bang and posting my own Bang fic (plus, like, all the other IRL stuff i have to do this summer), I really don't anticipate getting it updated anytime before the fall at the earliest and even then who knows.

Also, because this is my last in-progress canon fic I'm not in a huge rush to get it out there, I'd rather take my time with it, so I'm fine with that timeline. It'll get updated when it gets updated.

Area First Ones

In my head, this is episodic and while i have five chapters written, I have some things I want to add in between so it's not as simple as just cleaning and posting those. So basically, this one will be one of those fics I update when I update here and there with no set timeline other than my whims.

Coming Soon!

My Big Bang fic is called Horse Girl Everyone and it's the long awaited Riding School AU! 

That one is going to be longgggg and basically never-ending and episodic (seriously, we're over 50k words and while Catradora have been circling each other for chapters Glimmer and Bow literally only just met and you KNOW how I feel about Glimbow). I was hoping to write enough in advance that I could do some kind of regular update schedule at the start but because I'm also running the Bang and having some annoying medical stuff going on, I think that's not happening.

I've written a ton in advance, don't get me wrong, I just don't see myself having time to revise it all and post weekly with everything else going on. But we'll see!

Anything else?

Well, yeah, lots of stuff but it's not fandom related so I can't tell you about it. ;-) Though maaaaybe I might have the chance for some of you to help me beta some of my original stuff in the near future if you're willing so keep an eye out for that.

I'm trying to have less things in progress at once so, though I have other fanfic projects in various states of completion, I'm purposely not going to even think about posting any other multi-chaps until GT and OotWW are done. 

One shots and shorts? Yeah, I'll be throwing those up randomly as the mood strikes, you know how I roll. I'm eyeing up the Domaystic 2024 prompts to see which ones call to me right now.

So I have other stuff planned for later but I'm not even going to tease it because we'll see how everything shakes out.

This year has actually been absolutely horrible health wise but weirdly productive writing wise so it's been a mixed bag but at least nice to get some stuff done!

[minevn]

WE DID IT!

We've reached 100 followers everyone! Thank you so much for your support! This has been such a journey and never in a million years would I have expected people to like and enjoy my stories as much as I do, seriously, it means so much to me! Thank you all once again for your support, it's been amazing and has made me so happy to read all of your asks

I would also like to apologize for not posting as much recently. My brain has been a little fried from writing, but I'm slowly but surely working on the drafts! Sorry for the people who sent asks and are waiting!! Here's to hoping this event will be a little bit more of a break and motivate me again!

ANYWAAAAAYS!! For the poll, Mine doodles won! I'll be taking 50 requests for Mine doodles! I've also decided to add some flat colors! As mentioned in the poll post, in the beginning you may only request one drawing that way anyone who wants to request gets a chance, after requests start dwindling/ a certain time period ends(still deciding, maybe a week or two!) you'll be able to request more, all a ask is that you don't spam please! No need to worry if you don't get to ask a request, either because you weren't here the first time, or time ran out or all the slots filled up, this event will be repeated eventually and you can ask then!

I do have a few more things you can request/rules and what you can't! Please read carefully and if you have any questions let me know :3

CAN

Request multiple Mine characters in one piece

Request your oc/s with a Mine character or multiple!

If there's a specific pose and/or outfit you want me to draw the Mine cast in, please send in some references, thank you!

I ask that you send requests in my askbox, you can turn on anon ofc!

Also please be kind of specific about what you want. like if you want to suggest maybe like Yani and Jun, like what are they doing, is there any sort of place you had in mind for where they are? Any kind of outfits you want to put them in? If you just want a drawing of one of the characters, you can just say (name) plain and I'll try to come up with something! I'll also assume that an ask with a Mine character and you oc is romantic unless stated otherwise, so please be as specific as you can, even if you think I may not need it or it should be obvious, I need things stated to me clearly :3

CANNOT

Request nsfw(I'll probably have that event on twitter at some point!)

honestly, anything that goes against my rules so like no proship or bigotry or anything else gross like incest(Please dni with my stuff if you're into any of that stuff)

No requesting other people's yandere's(You can suggest your yandere oc with mine though if you want to, just not any solo drawings of a yandere not in Mine.) Also if you're requesting your own yandere, I ask that you keep anon off for that ask, just so I can make sure it actually is your yandere, thank you! Also if you don't want your account to me linked with mine, then you can send me a message of your ask and I'll send the ask to myself :3

Also I'd prefer to not draw any solos of your ocs(Once again, totally fine if you want me to draw them with the Mine cast :3)

Please don't request shading or clean lineart, it tuckers me out quickly and makes me lose motivation, if I did that, this event would never finish LMAO

Please don't rush me either, I have a life outside of Tumblr and Mine. I may also not like how the drawing is turning out(I'm sorta a perfectionist when it comes to my own art) and I may also lose motivation or just may not feel like drawing(Kind of like what's happening with writing rn)

Honestly, for my don'ts I don't think I have to worry, everyone who has followed me has been really kind and respectful but I felt the need to clarify things and say things because of some of the stuff I've seen on social media. Anyways, HAPPY 100 FOLLOWER MILESTONE EVENT!! I appreciate each and every one of you so much more then you could ever know, I wish I could express my joy and gratitude better! MWAH MWAH <333333

With that, let the event BEGIN!!

[excadrill]

tagged by @yj-98 ilyyy 🫶🫶🤍

RULES: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

tag as many people as their are wips.. eep.. sorry i'd put this under a cut but it's not working on mobile 😭

ankhgiveaway.sai [i held an art giveaway in february and havent finished the prizes even tho i keep looking at them and going 'i need to and Want to finish this..']

yuukigiveaway.sai [same as above but the person who requested this one deactivated so i. don't know if i'm still gonna finish it]

sonomomo.sai [my current priority 'For Me' wip.. ive shared this wip w some people but ive never done a proper piece for the 'cycle of life and death' thing for them so that's what this one is..💙❤️]

exozinewip5.sai [pokemon zine oc piece, not supposed to share zine wips so idk if i should say more but it's of my beloved gymsona.. this zine will be free + digital and i'll ofc be promoting it more when it's done but it's soooo cute keep your eyes out for this one :3c '5' not bc im contributing multiple pieces but bc this piece is big and slightly intimidating for me so i keep saving different versions when i do major merges]

pocketzine-nymble.sai [another pokemon zine piece, so i can't really say more But it's not the only thing im contributing to this zine, ive just finished all my other stuff already]

oczine-thumbs.sai [thumbs for an oc zine i signed up for that i'll probably drop out of bc im not feeling like a vibe w everyone else there >w>;;; ]

philip.sai [philip piece ive had sitting around basically since i finished W.. about a year ago now i think ? but i transferred it to my '23 wips folder bc i still wanna finish it..it was supposed to be a 'this one will be quick and easy so i'll have smthn i Finished this month outside of zine stuff' but. zine stuff took up all my time and energy oops]

mrtourism.sai [this one's a silly post-canon kirihiko art i've Also had sitting around for like a year. i chip away at this one sometimes but then keep restarting bc im unsatisfied with the lines i wish i could just sit down and finish it bc i Love Him]

platform.sai [ummm silly ryotaro thing i drew after watching the den-o final stage ^__^ not a high priority one but it's cute so like. maybe one day]

punkjackhelmet.sai [file name was bc i was originally doing helmet studies before it turned into a full sketch. punkjack with the beat buckle bc i was doing this right after his special came out 🎃🫶]

colourwheel.sai [ummm well. yeah im not good at finishing art memes when theyre still on trend. i did all the sketches for these but i probably won't finish at this point..]

poppyangel.sai [poppy ex-aid i sketched as a break between big stuff the other day that i like a lot so. maybe will finish but might just post unfinished if i cant find the energy to get to this one sooner. feel bad that i like ex-aid so much but don't have any clean art done for it..]

millirider.sai [toku oc planning :3 i was saying last night i finally figured the helmet out which ive been struggling with for ages so hopefullyyyy i get around to doing a proper ref sheet]

im not at my laptop rn so im doing this off the top of my head but i THINK that's everything.. tagging umm @ankhisms @heartvisor @madaraki @circeancity @horrorcomedies @yu3s @pleuvoire @kosukeiichi @danothan @seashrine @asticassia @eclipse-song @kirider only if you guys wanna 🤍🤍

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 5: Murven, Divorce Song

Wanted to write but wasn't sure what I should write so here is a little angsty Murven ficlet. I listened to Exile in Guyville today for the first time in a while; this is inspired by Divorce Song but also doesn't really have the mood of Divorce Song so there you go.

Murphy/Raven, Modern AU, ~870 words

Written in about 27 minutes

*

What did he think? That somewhere along the way, their road trip up the coast, they'd fall in love? It's an awfully romantic notion, coming from him.

They get a late start, then lose their way, a wrong exit on the wrong highway and the steel-blue sky framed by the windshield, the fluttering of palm fronds at the edges of the roadway, the gathering clouds in shifting shades of gray. Murphy came to pick her up mid-morning. He'd stood in the doorway of her bedroom, watching her finish up her last-minute packing—stuff she'd put off because she was working last night, and cared for the work more. The best thing he could do was not lift a finger to help. He'd just get in the way. Still, it infuriated her to feel his eyes on her, watching and waiting.

"Almost ready, Reyes?" he'd drawled at her, and she'd thrown her duffel bag at his chest, and for a moment afterward they'd been caught together almost in the hall, continuously blocking each other's way with each step to the side. An exhausting moment.

She'd asked if he was fucking with her.

Isn't he always?

The plan was to leave early and get to Bellamy and Clarke's by the end of the day, but even before the wrong turn, she's sure it won't shake out that way. She's too tired to get behind the wheel, and Murphy only pretends to be a daredevil, obeys posted speed limits and tells her to get her feet off his dash. Maybe they'll get to Portland and the aura of romance will take them over. A wedding and all. Maybe as she grumbles, rearranges herself in the passenger seat, traces the edges of stacks of heavy clouds from over the ocean, she imagines as much, like some sort of sick indulgence. If she were really smart, like she tells herself she is, she'd never touch him.

Her phone runs out of batteries. His has no service. She forgot the map in the glove compartment of her car. The sky opens up wide, threatens to swallow them.

They have to stop for the night at a shady little place blinking neon VACANC-C-C-C-CY in the early dark and pouring rain: a motel with a big rectangular sign, barely legible in fading fluorescent. They hold their coats over their heads and splash the light into shards in the puddles on their way to the office. The rain is coming down so hard it's all Raven can hear in her own head: the thud of it on car roofs, the splatter of it on the asphalt. Inside, the motel is muddied with cheap yellow light. She stomps her feet on the welcome mate and beats at her jacket while Murphy shakes himself off like a dog.

She asks for two rooms without thinking. If it weren't for the map behind the greasy haired kid behind the counter, she wouldn't know what town they were in. Even now, the name doesn't ring a bell.

Murphy's standing close to her, glowering, cold. For a moment, his hand brushes against her back—low—like he forgot for a moment what role he was playing. What line he was using.

"You know, it would be cheaper—" he starts, as the kid fiddles around with the keys.

She keeps her gaze straight. The faded lines of the map, the off-yellow wall. "They don't have any twin beds left," she murmurs back. Sounds cold like unseasonable prickling rain even to her own ears. She takes her key in her hand and holds it tight so that the edges bite into her palm.

Their rooms are right next door to each other and for a while they stand under the awning, a bare bulb just above them encircling them in a stark halo of white. Her bag is in the stupid car. All she wants is a shower, the melding of running water and running water. A moment to feel clean. She starts to say I didn't mean anything by it, but it comes out, "What did you expect?"

He flinches, but it comes out as a scoff. Pale and shining wet, his hair flat against his face, and the rain so loud on the tin awning that it might drown him out, he answers, "Nothing," like a curse, a lie, and "Don't make me out to be the asshole here. I haven't done a goddamn thing."

They've been rejecting each other now for years. He'd say she's frightened. He'd say maybe there's something inevitable about them, something more than just the heat of human warmth when they stand close beneath the awning, shivering, not yet touching, except that her hand is grasping hard around the edge of his coat. Zipper teeth in one palm, silver key in the other.

She could just go in his room with him, let the other sit empty, but it wouldn't be for lust or anything as grand as love, but only to prove to him what a terrible idea they would be. Something raw and mean. Something she wants too much.

"You haven't," she answers, and lets go of his jacket, and lets herself into her room.