#i just wanted to get it done or the brainworms would kill me

[larix-laricina]

yknow, I think after that crazy ass episode, Two should start their villain arc. As a treat :]

[callmejod]

I have a headcanon request: James Norrington x Pirate!Reader.

How would he feel about them being a pirate? How would the relationship pan out? In an alternative world where he lives, would he still be part of the navy or would he completely side with the pirates? What would the reader think of him being a part of the Navy? Would they consider giving up their pirate life to be with him?

Thank you :)

Buckle up - this can of brainworms just exploded.

I think living with pirates and experiencing their life and lifestyle shed a new light for James. He'd be more mindful of what causes people to turn to piracy and if given oppurtunity - tries to help.

After all, in both DMC and AWE he did commit piracy in order to become an Admiral at the hands of Beckett.

If the only thing in the AU that changed was his death, I think James wouldn't even entertain the idea of coming back to the Royal Navy - not after all of Becketts dirty tricks would've been exposed.

If it comes to Pirate!reader and James' relationship.....

I want them to meet between The Curse and DMC.

You would probably meet on Tortuga or something life that.

Maybe even when Jack gets him onto the Pearl and then maybe just dumps him with you when you meet at some rundown port in the middle of nowhere.

That would be delicious.

Taking you are the captain, an extra pair of hands is always welcome. Jack probably conveniently did not mention, that the blackout drunk sailor he was bestowing upon you was in fact The James Norrington. No no. You have to find out yourself.

'What's you name son?'

When he finally wakes gets woken up with a cold seawater bucket to the face courtsy of first officer you do what any sane captain would do -

'Dont fuckin- - call me son.'

'Oof he has bite to his bark gentlemen......'

After a good chow and a hissy fit you get to actually talk to him.

What kinda ticks him off is your kindness towards him - taking things slow with the hangover that you ensured wouldn't get worse, not coldly demanding him to do everything he should be doing.

You get a minute to talk to each other in private and he just presents himself as James, scared you'll do something terrible, torture him for what he's done, even kill him.

He knows thinks he deserves it.

'Just James huh? Alright "Just James", what drove you to the sea?'

Gets surprised when you don’t press further on his identity. He works on your ship quite well actually - he's well versed in many things. A week later you try prying more information from him.

'A stupid expectation and even stupider decisions.'

'Damn, you sailors always come up with the same story huh.

He can feel the cold sweat at your words.

Even if he was ex- Navy - you started to harbour a crush on the guy. He's really charming when he wants to be and can spot a British ship from miles away. His knowledge of the sea is impressive. Many-a-time had he pulled you out of hot shit you were about to get yourelf in.

You knew. Of course you knew. You recognised him the moment he got on your ship. Stood with his back too straight for being so drunk. Almost saluted when first officer "woke him up". Carried himself with an aura of an old, tired soldier.

In a drunken moment at port he tells you his full name and makes peace that he's staying back. He then wakes up on the ship and almost cries.

And he has those eyes..... that seafoam you would willingly drown yourself in. And a great ass? The package is a perfect fit for you.

He then realises that your kindness for him may have awakened a feeling he long forsaken - love.

*two dense motherfuckers in a room*

*the crew collectively suffers when looking at you two lovesick fools who believe the other is too good to be with them.*

As time goes on, you continue to floor James with both your wit and bravery. You do not charge into battle unprepared or without good reason.

Over the months spent together your realtionship with James improves to the point he reveals a little of his life in Port Royal and how he sometimes wishes he could go back there. It breaks your heart but you bite your tounge. After all - he smiled so sweetly when he told you he found a new home on your ship, with the crew, with you.

And then DMC happens.

James deals with Beckett that with your help he will get Jacks compass. The plan is set to save you and your crew. God, he would throw himself off a cliff if he didn't donanything in his power to save your life - he would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it meant you were free from the East Indian Company.

'You. MY CREW GAVE YOU A HOME ON OUR SHIP ! THEY GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO BE FREE ! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY THEM ?!'

Oh the anguish I feel when your ship gets captured by Beckett.

You are brought to the Lords' office and he offers you a deal. Your heart breaks when you see James there. You fall to your knees. He fucking feels the floor shake from the force of your fall. You pull on the chains, making two guards holding you almost stumble to keep you in place.

Hot tears are spilling from your eyes. Every one that falls twists a knife in his heart.

'Get them to agree or neither you, or them are leaving this port alive.'

You of course deny the deal but Beckett is no dumb. He saw how hard James tried to act neutral. When the guards drag you away somewhere Beckett gives James a pointed look.

On the way out he recieves a key. James knew exactly where to use it. He has never run as fast as he did to your cell.

Seeing you in those chains - nay - in such histeric tears makes him want to carve his heart out. The damp, smelly dungeon doesn't really help with making you look less miserable.

James grips the metal bars so hard his knuckles turn white.

'Please. Please let me explain.'

'There's nothing to explain. Admiral.'

The distant look you give him makes his blood run cold.

He forces the doors open fuck the key right? , bursts in and gathers you in his arms, despite your protests. You cry, wail, curse him. And he lets you.

Now he really desereved it.

All he can do is soothe you.

You give up on trying to pry him away from you. He just won't let go. He holds you like your're going to fall apart at any moment and frankly, your'e close to doing so. The feelings you so meticulously hid away surge to the surface and you can't help but relax into the warmth of his arms.

'I'm so, so sorry that it's come to this.'

'You're not sorry. You got your life back. I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew my happily ever after wouldn't come. Especially not with you.'

You feel James freeze.

'Me?'

'Yeah, I never even intended to tell you but now that I'll probably hang by tommorow-'

'Your happy ever after - what does that mean?'

He moves so fast you barely register when he looked into your eyes for the truth and when he buried his face in your neck. You sit and listen to his heathing breaths, the thumping of his heart and wonder - is it stress or- Owwwww fucking hell out with it already - you think.

After a little you whisper :

'It means i love you James. And I hoped life wouldn't be so cruel to those who long for freedom.'

You feel something wetting your shirt. A full body sob jostles you.

It's James' turn to weep.

'You big baby, don't cry. We'll be alright.'

Leaving on a cliffhanger >>>>>>

I hope it's readable - I've last written fiction like 5 yrs ago.

9.4.24 I wrote it fast so there's probably some spelling issues, I'll look later k mbyeeeeeee

10.4.24 K, I've looked this through, added a few thingies

[scarletemeraldpurple]

Agatha Mentors (Among Other Things) A Butch Baby Witch. Pt. 1

CW for drugging (sleeping potion in a glass of wine) and dubious consent.

Partially clothed sex. Reader humps Agatha’s thigh, fingers her, and sucks her tits. Little bit of bondage (enchanted leather gear) Lots of praise and some degradation. Good girl and babyboy are both used for reader (I am a genderqueer butch who loves genderqueer butches)

You knew better than to approach Agatha Harkness. You had heard all of the stories. But she was your last hope.

You were an outcast among witches. You would hope witches would be above the radfem brainworms, but alas, you had been an outcast your whole life. Always just outside of what a woman, what a witch, was “supposed” to be.

Maybe Agatha could understand. Maybe you two could help each other.

She was sitting on her porch when you arrived at her address.

“I was wondering when you would show up.” She said.

“You know who I am?”

“I’ve heard talk for weeks of some butch baby witch that everyone has refused to teach. I’m guessing that’s you handsome.”

She smirked as you looked down. Easily flustered. She noted to herself. “It’s not your fault you know.”

You looked back up and nodded.

“It’s funny isn’t it. How easily some people are willing to turn on their own kind. How easily they use any scrap of power they have to marginalize others.”

You nodded again.

“You’re quiet. Well I suppose I can talk enough for both of us. Come inside my dear! Your back must be killing you.” She said, gesturing to your backpack.

You followed her inside.

“You’re not as scary as everyone says.”

“Well my dear, trust me when I say you don’t want to be on my bad side.”

You nodded your head in understanding and followed her up a set of stairs.

“Here is your room, set your stuff down here and we’ll continue our tour.”

You hesitated to let your backpack go. It was your whole life, packed up into a backpack.

She studied you and walked a bit closer. “Hon, your stuff is safe here. You’re safe here. I promise.”

You nodded and set your stuff down.

“What’s it gonna take to crack you open huh?”

Your eyes widened.

“Get you to open up sweetheart, I mean I talk to myself enough as is.” Agatha made herself laugh with that. Which caused you to chuckle too.

“Ah that’s a start. C’mon, hon.”

—

She took you all through her house, everywhere but her bedroom. She also walked you around her land.

“Tomorrow we hit the books. Make sure you have a firm grasp on the basics. If we have time we can do some potion making, if not we just do it the next day. For now, you’ll help me with dinner.”

Turned out that helping mostly meant staying out of her way, and occasionally opening a jar.

“Not that I mind at all, but couldn’t you use magic for this?”

“Oh sure, but where’s the fun in that.” Agatha said with a smile. “Not when I have a brand new butch roommate.”

You tried to hide a gleaming smile, you were unsuccessful of course so you looked to the side. Agatha thought you were quite cute.

Dinner was spaghetti with bolognese and garlic bread.

“You’re a good cook.” You said.

“Why thank you dear. Couldn’t have done it without your help.” She winked.

You two ate in silence for a bit. You looked around at the big, empty house.

“Hmm nobody taught you to fortify your mind hm?”

Your eyes widened.

“Go ahead and ask me, dear.”

“Do you get lonely?”

“Well sure dear, I mean I do have my rabbit, you’ll meet him eventually.”

“What? Did I miss him?”

“No dear, he’ll be around later. But he’s even less of a conversationalist than you hon.” Agatha teased.

You fiddled with your fork. “Sorry.”

“I’m only teasing,hon. I promise. We’ll be spending lots of time together, I’m sure you’ll open up sooner or later. One day you’ll stop being quite as scared.”

“They said no witch in their right mind would dare approach Agatha Harkness. Much less become her new jar opener.”

“Well my dear, I’m not interested in the company of right minded witches.”

You smiled at each other and finished dinner.

You did the dishes.

“You really didn’t have to do this, but I’m not going to tell you you shouldn’t.”

“Well you did the cooking, why should you have to wash up? Also you’re letting me stay with you…why are you letting me stay with you?”

She regarded you with an unreadable expression.

“I think we can help each other out.” Agatha said.

“How so?”

“You’ll see.”

—

You slept surprisingly well. The exhaustion of the day and the comfort of the bed took over you quickly.

A knock at the door awoke you. “Hey superstar! Time to get up, breakfast is almost ready and then we’ll head to my library.”

—

Breakfast was over easy eggs, bacon and hashbrowns, all cooked for perfection.

You learned that Agatha liked 2 sugars and no cream in her coffee. She learned that you liked it very sweet and almost as pale as her.

“I mean if you wanted some milk and sugar you could have just said that dear.”

“No caffeine that way.”

“Fair enough, drink up superstar.”

—

You brought in your own books. She shook her head at all of them.

“No this edition is awful, it was all you could find? Oh you poor lost soul. Sshh, darling I simply won’t hear it, you will borrow my books. We’re doing this right.”

She sat you down and had you review runes.

“It may seem boring but the fundamentals are very important dear.”

“I understand.” You fiddled with your quill.

“Waiting for a sign to start?” Agatha said, peering over your shoulder.

“N-no,” you coughed. “No ma’am.” You took a deep breath and got to work.

Agatha smirked above you. “Just ensuring your progress. Nothing to be nervous about love. In fact you’re doing really well, not so bad once you get started hm?” Agatha said to you in a surprisingly gentle tone.

“No ma’am.” You willed yourself to keep your quill steady as you sketched out more of the basic runes.

“So formal all of the sudden. I don’t know if ma’am is working for me dear.”

“Oh-sorry I don’t even know why I—”

Agatha put a hand on your shoulder. “Deep breath dear. You’re okay. You’re just nervous. Don’t wanna screw up in front of the great Agatha Harkness. I think a lot of people are so nervous because they’re so capable, they have such high standards for themselves. Sound familiar?”

You nodded vigorously.

“And it’s especially not easy when we’re told we’re not supposed to have these talents. You did well on your rune sketches. Let’s do something a little more exciting, to the cauldron!”

—

“I want you to make a sleeping potion.”

“Got it.” Simple enough. You thought to yourself.

You got right to work chopping your ingredients. You didn’t feel as nervous about Agatha’s eyes being on you.

Maybe you would have been if you could tell what she was thinking.

After about 10 minutes your potion changed to the proper color as it boiled in the cauldron.

“Good job superstar!”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

“Good work today. I see a lot of potential in you. Let’s bottle these up yeah?”

Agatha Harkness sees potential in me. You thought to yourself. Still beaming with pride over a simple compliment.

Aw did someone get a crumb of validation? Agatha thought to herself as you continued to grin.

You two cleaned up and bottled all of the potion. You didn’t notice when Agatha slipped a small bottle into her pocket.

—

The rest of the week went very well. You mastered casting protection runes. You gained confidence in your telekinesis. She taught you how to make more complex potions. Potions that could summon prophetic dreams. Potions that would energize.

You mostly managed to hold your composure when she would adjust your hands or peer over your shoulder. At least that’s what you thought.

Agatha enjoyed the week of teasing you. Watching your confidence grow with every word of praise she gave you. Her little superstar.

She also allowed herself to peer into your mind. Her favorite time was right before you fell asleep. Fuzzy images of you and her filled her vision. She knew what you needed.

—

Agatha surprised you with something after dinner during your first weekend with her.

“How old are you again dear?”

“24”

“Wow such a young thing. But old enough to drink yes? I’m pouring us some wine for a successful first week of lessons.”

“Oh I don’t drink often—”

“One glass dear? Indulge me.”

She looked at you with those deep blue eyes. How could you deny her? How could you deny the opportunity for quality time with her…

“Okay, just one though.”

“Of course hon.”

—

Agatha insisted you sit on the couch and let her bring the glasses out.

In the kitchen Agatha got down a fruity red, the slight sweetness of the very first potion you made would blend right in. She would have you soon.

“Here we are superstar!” Agatha said handing you a glass.

“Thank you.” You cautiously took a sip. It was nice. Sweeter than you expected, but you had often found wines to be too dry for you, so this was nice.

“This was a good year.” Agatha mused

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Oh I’m very trustworthy.” Agatha said. She was smirking about something. But you didn’t know what.

You took another sip. You felt heat rise to your face. “I can’t be that much of a lightweight can I?” You mumbled, mostly to yourself.

“Cute.” Agatha said.

Your eyes widened.

“You’re okay sweetheart. Put your cup on the table for me.”

You did as she asked.

“Good girl.”

You looked at her, stunned at the pet name. A warmth spreading through you. You definitely shouldn’t have felt this fuzzy.

“My little superstar did a great job this week. Now I’m helping you rest.” She said as she moved closer and stroked your hair.

“Soo tired. Shouldn’t be…”

“Sshhhh listen to your body hon, don’t resist it, it’s okay. I got you, you’re safe here with me.”

Your mind was just on the edge of putting everything together when the potion took full effect and your eyes shuttered closed. You slumped forward into Agatha.

“There you go, good girl.” She cooed, just in case you could still hear.

“I have you now.”

—

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t your own in a room you didn’t recognize. You tried to get up but found your wrists were in cuffs clipped to a leather belt around your waist. You managed to sit yourself up, metal jingling as you did so.

“Aw is my superstar awake? You made that sleeping potion kinda strong huh angel?” Agatha said as she walked over to the bed.

“If you wanted to take my magic, why didn’t you just do that from the start?”

“Take your magic, you really think such a thing of me? Well, I’ll be honest dear, I thought about it. But why do that when I can take you, and have a magical butch house pet instead?”

“Take me? Housepet? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oooh that got an F bomb out of you. Maybe I should drug you more often. Make that mind all frazzled and pliable.”

You tried maneuvering your wrists to undo yourself from the cuffs.

“Oh you’re not getting those off, not with the enchantment I put on them. And there’s runes burned into the inside, so good luck trying to get them off through magic.”

“What-what are you going to do to me?”

Agatha smiled. She came over and straddled your lap. “I’m gonna help you stop worrying sweetheart.”

Her perfume was intoxicating. Her eyes were so pretty looking down on you. God how fucked up is that to think?

“See you’re worrying right now, I can hear it. And there’s simply no reason for it.”

She gripped your chin. “So handsome like this.”

She watched your eyes get wide then grow conflicted. “So cute to watch you struggle. Struggle with what you really want but feel you shouldn’t. I got all night baby, all night to wait for you to give in.”

She traced your jaw and down your neck. You leaned back to expose yourself more before snapping out of it.

“This is really too cute angel. I could just eat you up. And eventually I will.” Agatha chuckled.

You felt a wet spot form in your briefs.

Agatha got up close to your ear. “You keep forgetting I can hear your thoughts. That I can see inside of you.” She lightly grazed the shell of your ear with her teeth, causing you to gasp.

“Such a sweet butch. God the things I’ve wanted to do to you this week.”

Like what? You wondered to yourself.

“Oh every time your eyes went wide I just wanted you pinned against something with my thigh between yours.”

You shuddered.

“I could show you if you want.” Agatha laid you down and parted your legs with her thigh.

“I know you want this, but too much of you still wants to resist. Too much of you is so bent on denying yourself pleasure.” She pressed a light kiss to your left cheek, then to your jaw, then barely there kisses to your neck.

You panted, your head swimming with her and everything she was offering.

“It’s okay to let go, angel. It’s okay to give in.” Agatha whispered, working her way to the other side of your neck. She trailed kisses up your neck, to your cheek, until her lips were hovering over yours.

“Just say the word baby. I’ll take good care of you, but I need you to say it.” She leaned in so close, but didn’t quite kiss your lips.

“Please. Please Agatha—” you whined out.

“Good girl. No more resistance. No more resisting me.” She said before finally kissing you and pressing her thigh to where you needed it.

You whined and bucked your hips against her. Her lips were so soft. You gasped when she bit your lip. You let her explore your mouth before she pulled back up.

“How long has it been since you’ve been touched honey?” She whispered.

“Years.” You admitted.

“Years? Oh you poor thing. Bet it didn’t feel this good huh sweetness?”

“No ma’am.” You whimpered. Then realized what you said.

“Oh I see. Maybe ma’am works a lot better for me than I thought.” Agatha teased.

“Sorry—”

“Hush. Be good for ma’am. Keep humping me babyboy.”

“Yes ma’am” you whimpered. Desperately chasing more friction between your legs.

“Doing so good for me baby, but let’s get some of these layers off hm?” With a snap of her fingers your pants were done away with.

You shivered as the air hit your newly bare legs.

“Aw are you cold? Poor thing. Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up.” She ran her blackened hands up and down the tops of your thighs. Then she readjusted to kiss all over them. Biting the sensitive part of your inner thigh. She was gonna mark you all up. You were all hers now.

You whimpered and squirmed from her mouth on your thighs.

“So sensitive, gonna have to hold you down huh hon?”

You felt something grip your ankles and hold you down. You looked to see it was her magic.

“I’ll teach you that trick eventually. For now just let me have my fun.”

She sucked one more deep purple mark onto your right thigh, before pressing kisses to your front through your underwear. Tasting what had leaked through from her teasing.

“Mmmm, so good.” She said against your front. The vibrations shuddering through you. “I could stay here all day, teasing you like this.”

She licked a stripe through the fabric before placing more kisses. “Tell me baby, do you want more.”

“Ma-ma’am don’t—Nothing under—please…”

Agatha moved from between your legs. Coming up to stroke your hair. “Sshhh it’s okay. You wanna keep those on?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“That’s okay baby. My sweet butch, thank you for saying something. My brave angel.” Agatha peppered your face with kisses.

“How can I help you feel good?” Agatha asked gently.

You looked at her, your eyes wide with nervousness.

“Tell me angel, before I just look into that dirty little mind of yours.” Agatha purred.

“Can-can you grind against me some more ma’am? Please.”

“You just love my thigh between your legs hm? My weight on top of you? Like having me all around you?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good girl, good girl for asking. I would love to get you off in my thigh.”

Agatha kissed your neck while you rutted against her thigh. Chasing the pleasure that came with friction.

“So easy for me. Humping my leg like a good little slut. You know only sluts get this needy from this right?”

“Yes ma’am” you said breathlessly.

She sucked a mark onto your neck, causing you to speed up.

“Gooood girl.” She crooned in your ear. “Such a good, needy butch for me. Give me your pleasure baby.”

“Yes ma’am.” You felt your climax start to build.

“I’m so close ma’am, can I?”

“Can you what angel? Use your words.”

“Please can I cum, I’m so close ma’am please.”

“There you go. Be a good girl and cum for me. Let go for me my sweet butch.”

You rock against her and came with a series of whimpers and “thank you”s.

“So sweet for me. You look so good when you cum. So handsome when you’re all blissed out.” She kissed you and stroked your hair until you settled down.

“Can I touch you ma’am? Please, I wanna make you feel good too.”

Agatha took off her shirt. You found out she had no shirt on underneath. She traced a finger up from her breast to her collarbone. “You wanna touch me, baby? Want your hands and mouth all over me?”

“Please ma’am, please. I-I’ll be good I promise.”

“Oh I know you will, angel. Alright baby.” She flicked her wrists and your bindings unlocked. You sat up and reached for her.

She grabbed your wrists and guided one hand to her hip, the other to her nipple. “I want your mouth on my tits baby. Come show me how desperate you are.”

You thumbed one nipple while you latched onto the other. Circling it with your tongue, sucking it, but in it lightly.

“Fuck baby there you go. Like having my tits in your mouth? I bet. Bite me harder love to ahead.” She tangled her fingers in the back of your hair.

You bit harder and she let out a moan. “So good for me, my perfect pet. Mark me up pet.”

You moved to the flesh of her breast and bit down hard.

“Fuck baby, not so shy anymore huh? Gonna make me look all pretty? Gonna make me look like yours?”

She enjoyed the wide eyed expression you were giving her. “Don’t think about it baby, just feel, just do ask I ask.”

You left big bruising marks all over her chest.

“Look at those teethmarks baby. Bitey little butch hm? Oh I love it baby keep going. My other nipple needs attention.”

You were sucking her other tit when she led your hand down her soft stomach, to her naked thighs. You had no idea when she had done away with her bottoms.

“Keep sucking baby, but feel how wet it gets me. Feel how wet you got ma’am.”

You obliged happily. She was soaked, so soaked you had trouble creating friction on her clit.

“So wet,ma’am”

“That’s right baby, you did that to me. Can you slip into me baby?”

You leaned up for a kiss while you easily slipped two fingers into her cunt. She moaned into your mouth.

“Oh good girl, your fingers feel so good in me baby.” She bucked her hips against your hand.

“Wanna mark your neck ma’am, please?”

She looked at you, eyes wild with desire. “Gonna mark your mentor up? Want me to be yours? I suppose that’s only fair, seeing as how you’re all mine.”

“Yes ma’am, please.”

“Okay baby, fuck me with your fingers and mark up your ma’am’s neck.”

You did just that. Sucking deep purple marks onto her. Purple was her color after all. You loved feeling her squeeze around your fingers as you marked her all up.

“Fuck baby, I’m so close. Suck on my tits again baby. Bite my nipple again. Be my good girl.”

You did just as she asked, biting down as hard as you could on her nipple as you kept fucking her on your fingers. She fell over the edge, gripping the back of your scalp, her nails digging in. You were both moaning as she rode out her orgasm.

You slowly pulled out when she was done and immediately started cleaning off your fingers.

“Such a good girl for me, such a slut, do I taste good baby?”

“Mhmmm.” You moaned around your own digits.

“Let me have a taste then.” She said, pulling you in for a kiss. She lapped herself off of your lips and sucked herself off of your tongue.

—

“Told you I’d figure out how to crack you open. How you’d stop being so quiet around me.” Agatha teased when you had both finally settled down.

You were laying with your head on her chest. She was in a flimsy tank top and a pair of pajama shorts. You were in boxer briefs and a t-shirt. Both so cozy together on her bed.

“I mean the drugging was a little overkill if you ask me.”

“Well I wasn’t asking you, now was I dear?” Agatha said, giving you a kiss on the forehead.

You buried your face in her. “I guess not. You said into her chest.”

“Needed your defenses allllll the way down. And now look at us. Look at how we get to spend our nights now.”

You squeezed her closer. “Well now you can just ask, instead of slipping potions into my drink.”

“Well no promises there sweetheart. You’re just so fun to mess with. I’d never give you anything you wouldn’t enjoy though.”

You didn’t protest, you just let her lull you to sleep.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 63 - I'll Cry if I Want To

You get drunk. Guess who comes lurking?

On AO3.

Getting shit-faced. That is what wine’s good for.

The night’s real pretty. Y’all are inside the grove, all the goblins’re fucking dead, and the druids ain’t gonna let…let fucking wargs or mean bears in here. So it’s safe. There’s a rock digging into your left ass cheek, and you cannot be fucked to do nothing about it. But you’re safe! So it’s fine.

You take another gulp. People say when you got enough alcohol, you don’t notice then taste no more, but those fuckers’re lying liars who fucking lie, and it still tastes like bitter…bitter piss.

Bitch burns, too.

“Shit is gross,” you say to nobody. “The fuck do people drink this?”

Probably cause it makes you warm. And vaguely floating. Your muscles seem to burn a lot more, but you’re still kinda happy. Not like, sing and flail around the living room happy, but happy enough the last…week? Ish? Whatever. The night is pretty. An owl hoots and squirrels run along branches. Bugs creak and hum and a crow in the trees above lets out a sleepy “crk.”

“Sorry!” you say. Realize you’re shouting. Whisper, “Sorry.”

Crows keep grudges, huh? You heard about that. Should let the little dude to back to sleep.

Probably shouldn’t be out in the woods by yourself?

Whatever.

Another gulp. Your whole face wrinkles.

“I thought you didn’t drink?” says a fucking rat man.

You turn. The woods spin a little, and you gotta blink before the two, pale silhouettes become one bastard man.

“’Sa party,” you say. “Errbody’s drinking.”

Why’s he here? You ain’t been gone long. Right? You’re pretty sure.

“How’s Lae’zel?” you say.

He winces. You’re shouting again.

You pitch your voice back down. “How’s Lae’zel?”

He gives you a look. It slides right on past you. “Jealous, dear?”

Your chest hurts again. Still for no fucking reason. “Pff. No. Just surprised how quick it was.”

For some reason, he pulls back in outrage (yeah! you recognize that one!). “Excuse me?”

“It ain’t nothing bad!” You only flail a little. Almost throw the wine bottle and then have to clutch it to your chest. Next to your soul flask. They clink through your shirt. “Just…y’know. ‘Fficient. You’re very efficient.”

He stands there like he’s trying to parse out what you’re saying. Did the potion wear off again? You gotta study more.

And who the fuck cares. You ain’t out here for him. You ain’t out here for nobody except to get shit-faced.

“Why are you out here alone?” rat bastard man says.

It probably ain’t supposed to be funny. Or maybe it just ain’t funny to him. Or anyone but you. But for you? You don’t drink, you don’t hookup, but you do plonk your ass down and get sloshed off a bottle and a half of wine all by your lonesome.

You want ice cream. You would literally kill a man for ice cream.

“If I didn’t know any better,” the bastard fuck boy says, “I’d say you look like you were trying to drink away your feelings.”

You squint up at him. White hair a silvery halo around his head in the moonlight. Eyes shining like new pennies in the low light. Fucker asks your opinion on who he ought to bang, and then finds you afterwards to…to fucking needle you?

You ain’t never been drunk like this. You flirted with getting mildly buzzed. Got borderline tipsy that once when Ryan fucking Meadows ghosted you and you ugly cried onto Sasha’s only clean work shirt.

None of that really processes, though. You ain’t really up to the whole “processing” thing right now; that barn door is long open and them hogs already sprinted for the hills.

“You’re such a dick,” you say, clicking the “k” at the end extra hard. “Pompous goddamn mess of a…of a man dick.”

He blinks like you just sprouted a beak and began reciting the entire works of Shakespeare in chicken.

And you ain’t done. “I got all the fucking reason to be off my damn ass out here, you shit. I lost my whole fucking family. Again. My whole fucking world. Fucking demons and brainworms and your ass. Maybe I just wanted to get drunk all by myself.”

You feel how dry your mouth is, and chug a few more swallows.

“Tastes like shit,” you say and try to scrape your tongue on your teeth. “Don’t know why anybody drinks it.”

Astarion still stands there. Fucking creepo. He’ll get all huffy and leave; toss you some snide bullshit before he goes. Jackass.

Only he don’t. He…lowers himself down. Not right next to you, but within kicking distance.

You think about doing just that.

“What even is that swill?” he says.

You look at the label. At the swirly-spiky letters all swooping together. Turn to him, with the most deadpan expression you can muster, and say, “What’s up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen, and I never fucking learned how to read.”

It is, hands down, the best joke you ever made in your whole life. You bend over laughing. You cry, laughing. Your bladder twinges and you keep laughing.

But then something happens. And you’re still laughing, and your eyes is watering, but now it hurts. Now you can’t breathe and nobody else is laughing with you cause they don’t get the joke and never will because your world is dead. Not like, actually. But they might as well be.

And like hell you want Astarion to fucking see that. So you shove the bottle at him and turn away like it’s just the giggles. Ain’t nothing to see here. Just a giggly drunk.

No one is ever gonna get your jokes. Ain’t nobody gonna know what “Wednesday my dudes” is. Or the helium balloons. Or the yoga grinch.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck.

Wine sloshes in the bottle. Astarion somehow gives an audible grimace.

“I think you grabbed the worst of them, darling. This is pure vinegar.”

You don’t turn around. You try to shove the goddamn sniffles back in your face. You don’t cry in front of other people. That shit ain’t safe. It’s how everybody knows how weak and stupid you are, and you are not gonna give this jackass that ammunition.

But it keeps coming. The smell of the red dirt after a hard rain. Homemade pecan custard pie. Uncle Randy was gonna take you to the Cherokee Days this fall. You was gonna try to learn basket weaving. The old style.

And you up and disappeared on him. On all of them.

Again.

Only this time, you ain’t coming back. This time, you ain’t gonna find no pink bicycle waiting for you cause you ain’t never gonna come crunching back over that red gravel. Never gonna smell them rich pecan trees, and bitch about Uncle Randy’s nasty cigarettes.

This is what you do, ain’t it? You disappear. You run off. You leave your family. All of your family, even the piece of shit parts over and over and over.

The tears coat your cheeks. You swipe at them furiously.

The wine sloshes again.

“Our gith friend had other plans for the evening,” Astarion says after…you don’t know.

You glance up and the sky spins above you. Fuck, you’re gonna make yourself sick you keep this up.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“That sucks,” you say.

He makes a startled, snorting sound. “There was none of that, actually. And that’s the problem.”

Ah. Ye-awp. That’d do it. That’d be why he’s here with you. His prospect failed, so now he’s come back to you. The easy one.

You sigh and finally lose your fight with gravity and flop onto your side. You wave vaguely over your shoulder.

“Go find one of them tieflings, then,” you say. “They can’t all be paired off.”

You’re tired, actually. Desperately so. The grass is nice and soft, and it’s safe out here, right?

Something shuffles. A rhythmic swish of grass. It’s the change in the air that alerts you. He don’t radiate body heat cause he don’t got none. But he is…surrounded by something a lot like a static field.

You look up to see him on all fours over you, peering down. Not like, over you, over you, it’s just his head. He wears no expression. Just…looks at you.

Have you ever seen him like this before?

“You didn’t seek any playmates of your own,” he says. And who the fuck talks like that?

“I got.” You start to lift your hand to waggle your remaining wine bottle, but your hands is empty. Ah fuck. “I had wine.”

“But you didn’t need to drink by yourself, darling. Both the cleric and the wizard would have gladly followed you out here.”

Well he certainly did.

Still, that blank face. Not, like, shuttered blank. Just…open. Or empty. It’s just his face.

…you should just tell him. All’ve this would be so easy if you just fucking told him. But he dumped you. He’s probably one of them guys who gets real weird when he finds out you’re thirty-five and are the sole provider of your own orgasms.

And it shouldn’t fucking matter.

“Didn’t want to,” you say. And do not elaborate.

Leaving the ball in his court. He fumbles with it. Stares at you like you just tossed him a soggy potato.

You’re kinda curious to see what he does with it.

His eyes narrow. You think he frowns. But it ain’t a pissy frown. It’s a thinking frown. And too late you remember that this bastard clues in on your plans real fast. That he seems to have a decent read on things (that ain’t trying to get into your pants).

Oh fuck.

“You haven’t dabbled with any of our merry band,” he says. Is that thoughtful? He sounds thoughtful. Shit on a goddamn cracker.

Um.

“And you saved me back at that goblin camp,” you say. And give yourself a mental high five, cause if he wants to delve into shit you don’t wanna talk about, take a reverse fucking uno card, jackass!

But he don’t dodge or parry, this time. He fucking leans in. You breathe in some of his own exhale and feel your cheeks begin to warm (through the booze).

“And what if I did?” he says, voice just shy of a whisper.

Oh. You didn’t expect that. Shit. What’s the play here? Uh.

“I’d thank you,” you say.

The sky spins above him. He’s the only steady thing in your vision.

“Is that all?” he says. Y’all are totally sharing lung air now, and his whisper gives you a goddamn ASMR shiver.

Except you’re drunk. And he’s way too close. And the shivers quiver down to your belly. The sky spins faster.

“What if I told you,” Astarion breathes, “that I’ve been thinking about our night together ceaselessly—”

Your stomach lurches.

Oh. That ain’t a shiver or a booze buzz or Astarion. You make some awful gagging sound, wrench up and to the side, and bring up about a bottle and a half of wine.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[coff-in]

Coff-in?? Waiting for my response??? HHrrrk I'm blushing so hard rn holy shit Devious Anon is in love <3 Interestingly I think Reader killing Ashley is a possibility, but it's done under very specific conditions—like she has to be sure Andrew wants to kill Ashley before she takes on the job, ergo basically in the vision what I think would happen is Andrew is approaching Ashley with the knife and is visibly debating killing her and then reader kill-steals, kind of. Andrew asks reader why the fuck she would do that and reader replies almost innocuously, "She was causing you a lot of pain, and you would've cried if you killed Ashley, right? So I'll do it for you." She killed Ashley to keep Andrew for herself, yes, but also to spare Andrew the guilt of killing Ashley. I feel like it's harder for him to resent her under these conditions bc yk, he was about to do the exact same thing and she did it for him. NOW IF ASHLEY RETALIATES AND KILLS HER bro I don't think these siblings are ever going to come back together the same again bc now Ashley suspects Andrew and reader of being against her, Andrew has a looooot of mixed feelings (does he wanna kill Ash???) and reader is basically always a hair-trigger away from flipping out (she didn't think she wanted to kill Ash but now that it's in her head...)

Also also I realized I built up Devious Baby Sis reader a lot in my head but did not actually share most of it (she's basically a whole character now just without a name) so here it be! The reason why baby sis is the way she is comes from her observation of the family dynamic as the youngest—that is, she and Ash both rely on Andrew. Ashley is very openly needy about it, which reader notices tends to get on Andrew's nerves. They both baby her, but reader sometimes gets left out when her older siblings become too tangled with each others issues (ex. Nina's death is something i'm not sure reader would've been involved in). Reader is internally actually pretty insecure like Ashley, but instead of acting out (which she know annoys Andrew), she switches tactics so they act out for her—in jealousy. Basically reader is insecure and constantly tests their feelings because otherwise, she can't convince herself that she's loved.

CRYING AT THIS FEAST SO EARLY IN THE MORNING HRRRRGG It's not fair that Andrew's so fine it's actually illegal. He's in my head rent free (you can tell by the amount of asks I've thrown your way coff-in I need hELP) I feel like this is less an ask and me just building fanfic with you in your asks now :,D I just have so many brainworms lmao bUT IF YOU WANNA WRITE A WHOLE ASS ANGST FIC I ASSURE YOU I AM YOUR GAL << I WILL READ, I WILL DEVOUR

notes from coff-in: I WAS WAITING ALL EVENING FOR YOU BABES!!! AAAAHHHH ITS DEVIOUS ANON!!!! and don't worry about talking in my inbox, a fact you should all know is that i love to yap and talk (you also have a tag now! #devious anon visits the coffin)

[fem] reader-insert, [devious younger sister reader], incest

i don't know if i could elaborate more on the decay route because it's just too good man! the paths we've explored so far are all so fucking exciting! i am curious about how ashley would traverse her relationship with andrew and devious baby sis [reader] since ashley would be the only one seeing the vision.

i've also been building up this little devious [reader] in my head but it's all self-indulgent stuff. hearing you talk about why she is the way she is is pretty neat though! i have trouble keeping all to deep analysis stuff in my head and it causes me to lose track of character traits and motives and such :p i mostly saw [reader] is just being this little yandere manipulator, you know? she's genuinely happy with her siblings but she uses all these tricks and tactics to indulge in her incestuous feelings with her siblings while also not getting into trouble. she writes romantic poems for andrew but it's forged in julia's handwriting so he doesn't suspect it's [reader]. she gets naked while sharing a room with ashley and plays it off as okay since they're both sisters and siblings and only one year apart in age.

ah... imagine that she's in love with both of her siblings but thinks that andrew and ashley don't love her back or yet ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. the conflict she feels about her romantic feelings to her siblings and her need to keep a secret to keep them with her. she fakes being an angel because she doesn't think that they'd love her back if they knew how apathetic she could be towards other people. even if she wasn't there when nina died (something she construes as something personal between andrew and ashley that she could never fit into), [reader] probably wouldn't have helped her out of that box. it made ashley happy, right? and andrew wouldn't have to get a girlfriend, right? all wins in her book.

she'd kill and maim and butcher and burn and lie and die for her siblings if she needed to (well, she probably wouldn't die without them ofc). they are her beginning and her end! her soulmates reincarnated as her siblings so that they'd be together forever (from the womb to the tomb, as i've seen said in passing). a lot of her personality revolves around andrew and ashley and while i want to work on that a little bit more in my silly little head, i think it could also be used as some sort of purposefully character flaw?

speaking of long fanfics, i have an ao3 account (that is empty for now) but maybe one day your devious idea could become a devious multi-chapter fanfic (with your permission of course. i want to make sure everyone gets their fair share of credit).

also, also, ALSO! imagine andrew and ashley celebrating [reader]'s birthday! :3 happy thought to make up for all the angst

----

coff-in

[phantoms-autistic-hands]

HERE'S THE OUTLINE ABOUT THIS BRAINWORM

i haven't rly thought of a name for my OC so i'm just gonna use the placeholder name jean for now [after Jean Vic. don't @ me on this]. he might not even end up french tho we'll see…… anyway he was a sailor (don't ask me for further details, it's blurry. it's Real blurry) and he just got back from a voyage but he was discharged from the navy.

what happened during the voyage was he got into a relationship with a higher ranking officer and they were close but was pursuing their relationship knowing that when they get to land they won't be able to continue it (not if the officer wanted to stay in his social circles) buuut it was kind of an open secret on the ship. then there was an Accident, in which the higher ranking officer died (yes i'm going down the dead lover cliche pathway--shhh it's for the plot later). so when the higher ups were looking into the death, they found out about their relationship, which is why the discharge from the navy [[listen. i think at this point france has decriminalized homosexuality but i have no clue what it's like in the navy. so i'm assuming it's the don't ask don't tell thing. so don't @ me on this. or do, i would Love to know if anyone knows]]

so heartbroken and out of a job jean found a job vacancy of being a stagehand at the opera house. his job would be way down below the stage or way up above stage, and the job requirements reminds him of finding his way on a ship, so he's doing just fine with this. he does his job well enough, keeps his head down, tries to be friendly when he can.

after a while of doing bits and pieces here and there and he's established himself, the new chief stagehand gives him the main job of maintaining the area on the mezzanine floor where joseph buquet was killed (i'm smooshing leroux canon and alw canon together here btw. canon is toy blocks for me to pick and choose) since a lot of stagehands avoid that place like a plague. it's not out of malice, it's just that they all realize that jean doesn't rly believe in superstitions or ghosts so they're all like why not? he's knows about the stories but since he doesn't believe in ghosts (and thinks that anything about phantom as an actual dude is an exaggeration of events to attract patrons) he's like eh, alright.

all this happens while jean suspects that he's definitely traumatized by the events that happened during his voyage, obviously. he knows of stories of what happens to people who's traumatized enough. at this point in time he's given in to talking out loud to his dead lover when he's alone, so this is how one day erik heard him through that trapdoor into his home (/torture chamber). when erik tries to scare him off by speaking to him in a disembodied voice, jean Naturally thought that his trauma has given him auditory hallucinations. he at first breaks down about this because he thought he was doing better mentally, but this is a sure sign he isn't doing that great actually.

erik, absolutely confused about this reaction, decides to show himself physically after some time, just to prove to jean that he's not Actually having auditory hallucinations. but jean first mistook him for a lost patron, and is like sir u can't be here without supervision?? and jean's worried he'd lose his job if someone catches a patron wandering down here with only jean watching him bc he sure as hell ain't qualified to give patrons a tour below stage. but erik would mysteriously disappear any time anyone comes close to them. cue a whole bunch of meetings like this bc erik's lonely and this man new to the opera thinks he's a patron and treats him like a normal man and he's been starved of company ever since christine left and the mob hunted him done and he stopped bothering the opera

so they get closer. jean's half worried that erik's a hallucination, since he disappears a lot and is never seen by anybody else but jean, but he seems so real……

they get to a point where erik tells jean of christine and they bond over having lost someone they loved. erik speaks longingly of his dreams of being married and having a wife to go on sunday walks with

at this time jean is a little (a Lot) in love with him and gets his heart shattered into pieces bc god damn it he wants a wife Of Course he'd want a Wife...........

and then somehow erik finds out that jean is in love with Someone and he asks about it (somehow feeling something like Rage and Something Else because jean? in love? WHO WOULD CAPTURE THIS MAN'S ATTENTION? WHO DARES? WHO DESERVES IT?) and jean is like its of no matter (because he thinks erik wouldn't reciprocate. he's not the exactly right gender)

then jean spends a long time thinking it over and realizes that even if erik doesn't return his feelings, erik seems like someone who would benefit from being told that in this world Someone does loves him, even if he [erik] doesn't love jean back. so he tells him and it takes a while to convince erik of it but then erik remembers that jean said his love for erik is "no matter" and goes batshit about it bc does this mean he doesn't matter to jean????

and jean tells erik that it does matter. it matters to him a lot. erik matters to him a lot. but he can't give erik what he wants, their relationship would not exactly be an open one. it would be some secret thing, at the very least half hidden from society. he won't impose that on erik when he knows erik wants his little walks in the park with his lover........ erik's showing the 404 error code.

anyways idk how it goes from here but they'll get together. i swear

[demodraws0606]

Theory : Xander was the traitor (and other stuff linked with that theory)

Me and my friends ended up rambling about the possibility of a traitor among the cast. Despite the fact there is no confirmation on one of the cast being a traitor, there is no doubt the possibility is still there. So we ended up thinking on who most likely could be that traitor and we reached to a conclusion. The traitor might be Xander Matthews

Now there are a lot of suspicious things about Xander's behavior after he stabs Teruko.

Xander's words here are interesting as he seems more hung up on the fact that it was specifically Teruko he was killing rather than the act itself. He also seems to know who gave him that note, talking to them as though they were a person that Xander knew personally.

But that's not the only thing there is of course the question of...why ?

I'm gonna get the David allegations out of the way as I don't think Xander would kill Teruko just because he said so and we know for a fact David knows about as much as everyone else (ex : his introduction). Plus David being the one to have done this is just poor from a writing standpoint but I'm not gonna get into it.

We know from his reaction that Xander didn't stab Teruko because he was told she was a bad person or the mastermind. Xander clearly still sees Teruko as a good person and doesn't act malicious about hurting her, which wouldn't be the case if he was told she was the mastermind.

There is also the possibility he was told that killing Teruko would end the killing game but even then....why would he trust the note ? That's the biggest issue and from how Xander talks about the one responsible it seems that they know the one who wrote the note personally.

Now from process of elimination we can probably deduce the person who wrote the note is the mastermind (the mastermind clearly wants teruko gone) but if you combine that with Xander seeming to know the person who wrote the note personally enough to trust what they say....

That would mean Xander knew the mastermind and thus probably was working with them

I know it's quite the jump and I can't ignore the irony of the Ultimate Rebel being the mastermind's lackey. However considering we can assume Xander has the same memory loss as everyone else (he most likely is the person in the introduction scene and if that was the case he would be a lot more aggressive towards Teruko/more likely to want to kill her), it can't be Mai (or imperssonating Mai) who he could've only known in Hope's Peak. So it does make logical sense.

We also even know his possible motivation for being a traitor

Whatever this could mean, this "them's" life could be used over Xander's head. There are other possibilities as we don't know everything about Xander yet but there are definitely many things that would give him motivation to work for the mastermind if it was threatened.

Now that I made my case about Xander being the traitor, would you guys believe that this somehow works perfectly with my "Whit is the mastermind" theory ?

This is gonna be the part that is gonna be the most brainworm-y in this post as me and my friend freaked out when we first analysed the introductions. It's also completely possible that it's me overanalyzing (this is a very small detail) but I just find it very interesting.

Now Xander is a very silly loud guy, and it's seen in his introductions often. He always speaks in a very formal tone (calling Ms. and Mr.) and he always introduces himself. When he doesn't it's usually for a reason, either the character cuts him off, overheard him already or he's too busy simping for David.

After all of that explaning, here is how Xander introduces himself to Whit :

He completely forgets to introduce himself

It's not like he got cut off either from being flustered by Whit's joke either, , Teruko immediatly chimes in with her introduction afterwards and in fact it takes a while for Xander to introduce himself. In fact, Xander's reaction more so makes it look like he forgot.

(Also his expression here is interesting as I don't think we see him make that expression often but that's me nitpicking again)

Now this interaction works a lot more if you think Xander is the traitor working for the mastermind (Whit) because yeah of course Xander would forget to introduce himself if they already met.

There is also this, which while it turns into a joke, definitely is a sus moment :

(Tbf before I thought Xander was the traitor, I was more so seeing it as Whit hinting that he had his memories but I can also see it working if Xander is the traitor)

I might've left some stuff out but yeah, sussy sussy Xander.

Edit : My friend reminded of an important detail. If Xander thought killing Teruko would end the killing game, why would he pin the murder on Charles ?

[neonmetro]

Hey chat I'm sick and the day is definitely not going as well as I thought it would so. . .I ever so kindly beg for a Uly. . .

Honestly this guy needs an award because he is working a full time job in my head with no breaks !!!! Like this man can't even call out sick. . .it's so cute. . .the silly ever. Honestly I think this is going to be Ulysses appreciation because what makes someone feel more better than talking about some silly blorbos. . . NOTHING !!!

He's so pathetic and awful I love it. . .

*slams fist on table* GET ME ALL THE ULYSSES YOU HAVE !!!! STAT !!! /SILLY

-Ulysses loving anon

IT TRULY IS A 24/7 365 DAY JOB HAVING ULY IN YOUR BRAIN THAT GUY JUST INFESTS YOUR GOD FORSAKEN BRAINWORMS!!!!!!

he truly is just. absolutely tired and done with everything. life is just dull without Her, and without Her, he is noman.

i was actually talking about his gender w a friend semi recently and its really interesting part of him... most of his identity really does align with traditional masc expectations, wanting to protect those closest to him and be able to support a family and he's essentially just a trans straight guy but his relationships with sapphics is just different. he doesn't sees them as another facet to himself or a missing piece (even though literally everyone he was close to has died and its his fault he doesn't think he's less of a man gender wise he just doesn't think he's a human period (tho his it pronoun doesn't derive from this. to be clear))

ALSO. pivoting to his friendships. he, polites, and eurylochus have matching hair ribbons...

when polites dies, eurylo takes it while uly takes his out. he can't pretend he deserves it now after what he's done to polites, and eurylo is like "ah... i'll take it for safe keeping, if you ever think you want it again."

NOW. ONTO MINVERVA. IT GETS FUCKED.

the founding purposefully have kids and champions that aren't apart of the founding's bloodline just so they can later use their souls to fuel the palladium to keep their powers/immortality. and they Want contracts w other people so they'll be able to provide better powers/last longer. so having multiple champions, like in the case of minerva (ulysses and diomedes), isn't unusual, its just "efficient"

isn't it fucked that he was slated to be a pig sent to the slaughter and the only way to get out of that fate is to butcher his friend first. isn't that crazy (the friend being minerva or polites is up to audience interpretation)

his relationships with his kids are also really fucked.

telemachus obv is the closest with him and he actively tries to talk to him the most. but also his feelings on his dad are weird. on one hand he's PISSED at him for leaving him and his mom alone and making him suffer so much just because he wasn't there physically or emotionally causing so much repression. but on the other, if he doesn't loves uly, who will? he kind of feels an obligation as uly's oldest kid to set an example for the rest of them for how they should feel about their father.

because telegony (their name is actually telegony but i'll tag them as telegonus bc i don't want to tag that god forsaken book) absolutely DESPISES ulysses. joined enosichthon corp. out of spite. rose through the ranks. out of spite. intruded on a picnic w/ uly and telemachus. out of spite. they spent the absolute least amount of time with their father and it shows. they hate ulysses with all their guts and ulysses just accepts it which makes telegony even *angrier*.

nausinous spent a lot of their childhood with ulysses, so they have a sort of attachment to him... they don't hate them but they see how their half sibling reacts to him and wishes to just... not have him kill himself in front of everyone.

ANYWAYS THAT'S YOUR DESIGNATED ULY CONTENT !!!!! I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON BTW...!!! (ik this is late... hopefully you feel better soon tho ^^)

[bryce-bucher]

.50 Caliber 3D Platformer Post #1

Introduction:

Hey! I am working on a fourth project now. I hope to have this one done in the next couple of months, but we will see how that shakes out. Like many fellow indie devs, I was inspired by Siactro's scoping abilities on games like Toree3D and Kiwi64, and I wanted to make a small scope game of my own. I decided to pick up an idea I had a bit ago for a 3D platformer centered around a sniper rifle. I will be exclusively working on this game until its done or until I get burned out and need a break, in which case I will switch back to my regular work schedule on the other three projects for a bit. Do not worry about how this will effect the other projects, those ones are all p big scope, and I will be working on them until they are done or until I am dead no matter what.

Why the Fuck Would I Start a Fourth Project:

Credit Card Debt.

The Gist:

The plan for this game is that it is going to be a relatively small (about 4 levels or so) 3D platformer in which you take up contracts to kill various targets with you handy sniper rifle. The rifle will also mainly be used for traversal alongside your regular set of jumps and sideflips and all that good stuff. Aesthetically and thematically it is inspired by the likes of cruelty squad, the thing thing series, and madness combat, so I guess look forward to that if you are into y2k edgy flash era stuff and/or aggressive anti-capitalist satire. Also, .50 Cal snipers really just give me brain worms idk why. I like that it shoot big and have big reload. Mechanically, the game is mostly inspired by Mario 64 in that I want to have a varied moveset and open levels that allow the player to skip around the intended path in ways I could not even imagine. There is also going to be a little bit of hitman in there because you are eliminating targets rather than collecting stars, and those targets don't always have a straight forward method of elimination.

Conclusion:

It has been a hot second since I made a blog post. I've been p busy the last month or so, but I was working on midwest lost during the entirety of march. Next time I make a post about midwest lost I am gonna have a lot to say about it! It does make me a bit uneasy to be focusing on a single project away from the others, but I suppose that will hopefully motivate me to keep scope low and actually get this game out. Anyway, I hope u like 3D platformers because I'm gonna be posting about this one for a hot minute. Also, my friend Feverdream Johnny recently also got the Toree3D/Kiwi64 brainworms and has been working on his own 3D platformer called Obro's Odyssey. I have done a bit of playtesting for it, and it does the same evil things to my brain that neon white does, so check it out if you haven't. That is all 4 now, ty 4 reading and have a good day!

[bisexualrobertlowe]

(No rush /gen) feel bad that can't talk much, so: any cmass fic ideas/brainworms you've been thinking about?

not me only seeing this ask 22 hours after you sent it SKJDFBDJ but thank you so so much!! love getting any excuse to yap, especially from you :3 alsoooo context for those who don't know our stuff, emma is my oc whomst i ploink into everything epic doom. as i should

so, random things!

i've added leif, mappe, lars, and robert to my fishdom playthrough so far, so i'd love to do some kind of fishdom au. where they're all fishies maybe. at the very least thinkin about how the different groups in the aquariums would interact with each other, cause mega crossover things.

(come to think of it i should add thomas as a pufferfish-)

leif's first affairs. mappe's first heartbreaks. hhfhfhhhfhf So Much Pain. earlier tonight i had a thought of "oh should i write a fic about the leif/mappe/messiah dynamic in '87" but i am incapable of writing hurt with no comfort so.

(i mention that since this fic in question would wrap up as hurt with no comfort, poor mappe Suffers :'))

i honestly want to try my hand at a leif/robert fic - but where they're exes or otherwise break up, or they hook up and it just doesn't work or they end up spitting at each other /nsx or something like that. just cause.

ships with mats deserve attention... mats x lars x jan... mats x thomas...

omg what if leif sets mats up with somebody-

more crossover 'verse content!! as you probably know we aren't revealing to the public what these crossovers are, but i always love some Crime Syndicate Candlemass Things. them killing for each other. strategist lars. muscle guy jan. leif as the head of it all and mappe his ever-loyal right hand. messiah just out here Doing Things. etc etc give me the Foooood.

also need a(nother) sex dungeon au i mean hi :3

björn needs to be in more things!! there's that scott pilgrim themed au i came up with forever ago but that doesn't count since everyone's there. soooo. hm. what if he's somebody's shadow in that 'most of our faves are legendaries' au cos y'know cryptid guy

epic keyboard battles of history carl westholm vs emma marsanes (and vs per wiberg maybe), robert who's done keyboards on like every SA record shows up out of nowhere to back his wife

i stiLL GOTTA WRITE THAT LEIF/MAPPE FIC OF THE NIGHT ROBERT AND EMMA ARE INITIATED-

[i-never-forgot]

It’s thinking about dusknoir hours boys

I’m thinking about the dialogue he has if you talk to him before entering Vast Ice Mountain bc he’s the only one who saw Grovyle starting to disappear

He was the only one keeping an eye on him, the only one watching him and I just

This ghost—who has spent his whole life fighting to survive no matter the cost, hunted down the hero and Grovyle (and Celebi, and we don’t even know much about the rest of the planetary investigation team) with the intent to kill them to prevent the timeline from being fixed…who tracked them down in the past (not even delving into his friendship with hero/partner rn bc this will get ten times as long @jsab-fujii you understand my brainworms and feed them every time you post), who had full intentions of murdering grovyle to use his body to trick hero/partner until he realized that grovyle’s actually a really good stable person and actually not insane for having a death wish like he had thought all this time and started to second guess himself and saved him because of it—spins a one-eighty to fast it boggles me

Dialga almost killed him in his rampage. He was already severely wounded. He’s just made the unalterable decision to go against everything he’s ever believed. He is now actively cooperating with these rebels whom he has despised for so long to inexorably fix the future. He is willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of providing life to others. The weight of that choice is hitting him like a freight train, laying on that icy ground, something he truly cannot take back. And what is the first thing that he does?

He sends the Sableye to make sure Celebi and Grovyle are all right.

I cannot…I can’t. Fathom what’s going through his head. This friend whom he has unwittingly unwillingly found in grovyle, whom he almost just succeeded in finally killing but still had the audacity, the gall, the nerve to proclaim his full trust in dusknoir, to remind him of the goodness, the kindness, the compassion, the care he has buried so deep inside he doesn’t dare let see the light of day, is still on the brink of death. Celebi was obviously better off but still stunned by Spiritomb’s hold.

So I imagine he’s a little frantic. His whole world has just been flipped upside down, his viewpoints inexorably altered. He’s terrified. He’s hopeful. He’s a tempest of emotions bc what is he doing has he gone crazy why is he doing this????

They limp up that mountain in a desperate final attempt to stop Dialga while discussing their final plan for their last moments and Dusknoir is watching Grovyle—this natural leader he has realized possesses so much strength and willpower in spite of any uncertainty and fear he may feel.

Dusknoir’s concerned. He hates it and he doesn’t understand it but he wants to make sure grovyle’s okay with whatever little time they have left. And he sees that one fractal of light emanating off of him and he just…knows.

Do you think he wonders why grovyle would start to disappear first? Do you wonder that maybe he thinks he ought to go first, after everything that he’s done? Do you think that he wishes that—if anyone—grovyle and the hero and Celebi deserve to remain for their sacrifice? He does, in the end, fade out before Grovyle and celebi, but…

I don’t know man I just can’t stop thinking about this guy😭

[dothwrites]

i love that part of cas' story in game night came about because danneel was so insistent that she share an episode with misha. this is good and normal and not giving me brainworms also, danneel being misha/cas' #1 fan is something that is so precious to me. because, same girl same.

cas brings such good gifts. "lightly cursed" rubies.

i do just love cas casually threatening people. love it.

(once again, i am forced to watch the character of nick across my screen; the hardest battles to the sexiest soldiers, etc etc)

cas being so worried about jack's soul being gone. and here we have the crux of the problem and why dean is actually a little justified in turning his anger on cas. cas KNEW that something was wrong with jack. he HAD his fears about jack's soul being gone but he kept them to himself. and he had good reasons to do so--he wasn't entirely sure, he didn't want to worry the winchesters, he didn't want them to treat jack any differently. but he STILL holds back information! and if sam and dean had known about cas' fears and misgivings, then they definitely would have done things differently with jack and kept the kids gloves on.

that being said, the winchesters ALSO had their fears and doubts about jack, and they still continued to put him into Situations, so. they're not entirely blameless. jack is acting unpredictably and erratically, and in the end, no one's really to BLAME.

am i supposed to be upset that jack killed nick? am i supposed to feel bad? I DON'T! I WISH HE DID IT MORE! I WISH HE DID IT EARLIER! like? sam literally almost killed nick just five minutes ago in the episode? and that was okay with everyone? this dude murdered people and was trying to bring back lucifer and it's treated as a moral lapse to kill him? idk, it just seems like it's okay when the winchesters kill people and not okay whenever anyone else does it.

i DO subscribe to the theory that chuck was manipulating jack into killing mary, mostly because that was the ONLY way that the winchesters were ever going to turn on jack to the point of trying to kill him. chuck needed jack taken off the board, and he wasn't going to get that unless he manipulated the winchesters into hunting jack.

[teeth-kid]

teeth,,,what is chonny jash? having a curious and confused.

!!!! hi uhhh it's my brainworms rn

so it's basically he's this guy on youtube who covers tally hall songs except he takes it a step further and remakes the songs from scratch and adds/changes lyrics to fit a narrative

and what you probably see me reblogging stuff about is his characters Heart, Mind, and Soul who are meant to be singing these covers in his album, Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium

the plot of it is like. hard for me to explain now that im trying to type it out but basically it's about a guy who's depressed and split his brain into like personifications of his emotions, his logic, and whatever Soul is. it's kinda like sanders sides but a lot more edgy and a lot less specific and done entirely through song covers

Heart is the purple one with the blindfold, he is sad and has attempted murder at least once

Mind is the blue one, he's mean and has a low voice filter in the songs

Soul is the red one, he's kind of in charge and really wants the other two to get along (or else he'll kill them both)

and these three guys fucking hate each other so much lemme tell you. they want each other dead and im not even exaggerating. but also sometimes they learn to work together and eventually un-split. they may or may not be in a perpetual loop of splitting apart and hating each other and making up and becoming whole only to split apart again (which i've heard is meant to be a metaphor for chronic mental illness)

if you wanna check him out i might recommend starting with his cover (actually three covers) of The Mind Electric, since its a pretty good introduction to the characters and their dynamic (though it's definitely all of them at their worst), or his Welcome To Tally Hall cover which is more of a fun little introduction to CJ as an artist (though that one might be confusing if you're not familiar with the original song). Or you could just listen to the album in chronological order starting with Time Machine Reprise.

warning for heavy suicidal themes though in case that wasnt apparent

i hope this was coherent enough skfhsk

(also if you do end up listening the album and you have questions about lore and such pls ask me i don't know everything and honestly there would probably be better people to ask but i would love to talk about the jash forever ok thank u)

[sleepimimzi]

I think part of the reason why i never went far with any of my toh aus is that whenever it came to trying to write a relationship with belos and another character it always came out as something wildly OOC for him (belos). It was really hard to justify him having a good relationship with Luz or Luz forgiving him for his past actions and hard for me to write a friendship between the two humans because if they're gonna be friends forgiveness for what he did in the past and lying to Luz about it would have to be earned and it would be impossible to earn it.

Also kinda struggling with the massive mischaracterization that a portion of the fandom had of belos and how it kinda ruined the finale for me in a way. Like no Caleb wasn't going to appear, that much was obvious from the trailer and i don't think he should have because he wouldnt have done anything for Luz's, Eda's, or King's story. Id see alot of fans pull any argument as to why the Collector should have been dropped in order to get screen time for Caleb, someone who was essentially a plot (or narrative) device, instead the Collector someone who mirrored Luz in season 1. That's what TOH was about, a story about a group of ppl who think differently navigating the world together. Not to mention the takes about the crew, the production timeline and Dana were really fucking gross? Like yeah seeing Evelyn and Caleb woulda been cool had Disney not shot down the show but by the time EWEW passed and HM rolled around there would have been no reason for Luz to give a shit about Philip's past. Not only was belos an objectively terrible person because looking at what the show gave us there's reasons to believe that he woulda killed Caleb had the people Gravesfield decided he (Caleb) was a witch and when belos had his beliefs challenged by his brother and the isles he decided to double down and kill his brother. But he also hurt Eda and King the two people (barring her mom and dad) that Luz cared most about. Plus you also have the personal betrayal in EWEW.

This ramble kinda stems from an inner debate about whether or not im gonna delete the Eclipse Fam AU cause when i was doing that, i started to get a grasp on my art style and where i wanted it to go as well as helping with art milestones like overcoming sketchbook fear and upping drawing stamina. As for Isles Escape AU, i dunno, i understand there is a nurture aspect to who Philip would grow up to be and the what-if Caleb pulled him outta the fucked up environment of gravesfields was an interesting brainworm. Finally the Swap AU was half of what it was in title what if Philip was in Luz’s place but also i don’t want to turn any of the main cast into belos cause wholeheartedly fuck that guy, drawing longing hair on boy is fun and awesome but I can just make an oc, i have a story on the back burner the needs a lot more designs.

[charlie-ver]

for reasons what are liams favorite plants/florals

WAY TO GIVE ME BRAINWORMS BEFORE I GOT ON THE BUS. Written on the bus. I want to keep this because I got really excited about this... I love talking about Liam. I love talking about Liam and plants. So you're getting more than you asked for.

TL;DR:

Liam likes: resilient green plants like ivies, pothos plants, monsteras, philodendrons, succulents and palms.

Plants/Flowers/and such which would fit into Liam's character and/or themes: Asphodel, Begonia, Carnations (especially yellow/orange) Daffodil, Eremurus, Nightshade, Rhododendron, Rose (dark crimson specifically) & Forget-me-not

Themes to also go with if you need that: growth, new growth (buds and sprouts), correction of "incorrect" growth, wilt, rot.

You can read more about Liam here.

Thank you for the good kind of brainrot, anon. Now to the longer bit.

(I finished this at 10 pm & I've been having an awful time with my brain and body so I hope this makes sense!! The brief at least.)

I've actually depicted Liam with a few in my art - monsteras (more about that below because my reasons align with his), carnations, roses (more thorn-vines but they had flowers). While some carnations DO have symbolism which fits - striped for refusal and yellow for disdain & rejection - it's mostly for the wordplay. Liam's chosen surname is Carne.

As for what he likes - He's not picky. He does, however, employ a certain way of symbolism because he craves to be able to relate to something. And nature fills that craving well; nature is being misused and abused by uncaring individuals, it is hurt and destroyed for selfish gain and in the hunt for excess. Yet, it still prevails, it continues to grow, it has a way of recovery and retaliation. Nature is also indifferent, cruel, seeking optimal solutions over the comfortable ones. Liam relates to that. He also thinks he is just in some of his actions, like nature is just when it kills. (But Liam is, at the core, still human - he can not be just in his actions, because humans generally do not see the "eye for an eye" approach as correct. Liam does.)

So, he likes long-living and resilient plants - because he has been through shit and is still standing. There is your craving for relatability. That would be ivies, monsteras, philodendrons, succulents, palms and more. In addition to the resilience factor and wordplay (monstera - monster - Liam considers himself to be a monster "out of necessity" and many consider him to be one as well), he also likes monsteras because he's like to believe they truly bring luck, symbolize suffocation in western cultures and, a secret reason he won't tell a soul (but I will); monsteras have very obviously irregular leaves. Liam's disability has originally been an "irregularity of figure" in Flatland. He also like roses, for both their beautiful flowers and their thorns. (Most of his quick-defense spells actually manifest and throned vines, most similar to rose stems/vines.)

HOWEVER if you would like more, I went though some meanings so here you go:

Asphodel - My regrets follow you to the grave. (I don't know how familiar you are with Liam, but he's lost so much and many many awful decisions he sometimes finds himself regretting. Even if they have been done to ensure that he will survive in order to defy Flatland.)

Begonia - Beware

Carnations - in all, they may symbolize defiance (Liam has, his whole life, been living to defy a dead nation and anyone else who will dare to deny his power because he's an Irregular) (orange - determination, yellow - disdain)

Daffodil - Rebirth (Died & got reincarnated. Also vague symbolism for his entire corruption deal but that's way too long for me to write out now.)

Eremurus - Endurance (He has been hurt, tortured, killed, tortured again... And still lives.)

Nightshade - Truth (He has experienced true nature of people when they are faced with defiance, as well as got to know the ugly truths of life when one just isn't "how they're supposed to be".)

Rhododendron - Beware, I am dangerous (I could write a damn essay on how Liam has crafted the monster he is and that which haunts him.)

Rose (dark crimson) - Mourning (He can't run from it. He mourns the child he never could be, he mourns his friends which he could not safe, he mourns the life he could have had if only he were perfect from the start. A colorless life in Flatland, sure, but it would be safe enough. Most of all, he mourns the friends he lost, the brief feeling of safety he had with them - the one which he is struggling to rebuilt. But he is hopeful, for it is getting better.)

Forget-me-not - Remembrance, loss

[firecrackerhh]

Yknow I remember in high school I was kinda into that whole Darwinism bullshit and thought certain people probably shouldn’t breed/be killed for the betterment of the human species and then I realized that was kinda fucked up because by my own logic I would probably be killed cuz I was born prematurely.

But no I think high school me was right some people really shouldn’t breed. Some people should be fucking lobotomized even I don’t give a shit, I don’t think psych wards could do enough, conservatives want nothing but to make life worse for everyone else and antis do nothing but spread their mental retardation around causing people to become so fucking retarded about certain media I think they should be locked away from society at the least so their brainworms don’t infect the rest of us.

Maybe if they got lobotomized they would be less fucking miserable.

Like for fucks sake these people act like Hazbin fucking Hotel is going to end the fucking world, how am I supposed to treat that opinion with any degree of respect!? It’s not like these ‘people’ would think very highly of me, why the fuck should I give them any fucking courtesy?

Why should I mind my fucking business when these dumbfucks are incapable of minding their own? God knows they love talking shit about the fandom, accusing us of their own sins, I know it’s stupid to get mad at this shit, but it’s just as stupid to get mad at a fucking cartoon that hasn’t done anything worth complaining about!

The only thing these ‘people’ deserve is a kick in the fucking ass and a concussion, not like they can get anymore brain damaged then they already are.

And the people who bitch that Viv “doesn’t do enough to protect children from her content” or whatever, like I have to wonder, do these people have like, parent issues? Do their parents not love them enough and so they expect Viv to be some surrogate for them? And then when Viv does something they dislike they project their feelings about their parents onto her and act like she left for milk 10 years ago? Christ, my dad is a fucking dead beat, but I got over that shit a fucking while ago, like I’m sorry if your parents don’t love you but that sure isn’t Viv’s fucking problem.

Like I hate to play psychologist here I just don’t understand how people like this can function in every day society without having meltdowns the second someone looks at them funny.

Antis sure love assuming shit about Viv and accusing her of wild bullshit, it’s not surprising if people do the same thing to them. Hell I encourage it if anything, I’m convinced antis have parent issues they refuse to address and expect the world to put up with their bullshit because they have fucking trauma or whatever, like boo hoo, get the fuck over yourself, just cuz you have trauma doesn’t give you the right to be a fucking cunt to people who haven’t done anything to you.

God, the fucking entitlement.

Antis need to grow the fuck up and touch some fucking grass, assuming that doing so won’t immediately kill the surrounding plant life.

🧨🔥~Firecracker out~🧨🔥