#and rambling in its truest form

[lostacelonnie]

insert that one utopia pic. How the world would look like if rae/claire/lene was a more popular pairing

[a-sketchy]

if i look at too many images of p3r i’ll get into persona again and idk if i can really manage that rn

[malikselfindulgence]

Thinking about Masha's tantrums and misery being exaggerated in Nareena's story so he can justify her death to himself . All of Masha's kindness being erased, all of what made her HER, her drawings and writing on whatever paper she could find and how she loved to braid the other girl's hair, how she loved to sew designs special for each of her sisters, how she treated Sokar like a sister too . None of this is mentioned in Nareena's story . Nareena tells herself Masha was doomed from the start, she was bound to get killed, if not now then later when she broke a rule too big to ignore. Tells herself Masha would've never made it out of here, tells herself Masha wouldn't have deserved it, that the gods would strike her down if she tried. Tells herself it was for the best

[enviedear]

hey Olivia talk about Jason and love letters pls

i can never say no to you, not like i'd say no to rambling about jason lmao!! link here to what inspired this <3

swing by my askbox 🧸ྀི

basically, i think believe that jason would be not only the best at writing love letters but also the most genuine about it. to him, they come from a place of utter devotion. in my hc, i think he'd just really struggle with getting his words out. he hates the way they sound, that they never fully convey what he means, that he stops himself more than he allows himself to speak, and mostly, he cannot handle the pressure of a time constraint. even if someone were to give him all the time in the world to open up, his chest would still get tight and his throat would feel scratchy and raw. jason todd is a victim of analysis paralysis there i said it.

no—he NEEDS another outlet, another form of communication. so he writes. he always loved reading, annotating in the margins—now he does it to his own words. At first, he doesn't even count what he writes as love letters. he's not waxing poetry, he's just explaining his fucked up perspective because you deserve to know. you deserve to be privy to whatever's going on in his head. he fails (for a while) to understand that is love, the very crux of it. the devotion to spend his free time explaining what his mouth refuses to say is love in its purest form.

his words are sweet too, no matter what he's writing. he knows his audience, you. his letters always start the same, with the salutation of 'sweetheart' and an "i love you." sometimes, all that's written is a long run-on about how he feels, how overwhelmed he is. other times, it's reminders of how much you mean to him, how happy you make him. and of course, quotes.

i am a firm believer that jason todd quotes his favorite books (modern and classic) so you better assume he's throwing in quotes that remind him of you. things like "what does money matter? love is more than money." from dorian grey after you had confessed to feeling bad about him spending money on you, or "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." from emma after an argument rooted in his apprehension for sharing, and "I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes." makes a common appearance. you're unsure as to why he quotes shakespeare so much, especially that line—but he's not. he knows it's the truest cohesion of words he could possibly find to explain to you just how crucial you are to him. detrimental even.

but it's not always super intense—a lot of the times it's simple letters. letters hung up on the fridge, on the dryer, in your car, even scattered little love notes in your purse/wallet. things like, "washed your clothes. you really need new leggings, i put money on the counter." / "changed your oil. remind me again in six months. i love you." / "missed you this morning. i'm coming home with dinner, your favorite. i love you."

where other men fail to find a form of communication that works for them, jason todd exceeds. besides, he's seen death once and he's not meeting it again without you knowing just how much he absolutely adores you. if he can't be here forever to give you the love he's practically overflowing with, at least the letters can outlive him. he'd like to be remembered that way—just by his saccharine sentiments for you

🖇️ masterlist | askbox | recent works

[blahaj-enjoyer-1]

I feel like rambling about my AU, the Fox, and how he was as a disciple of death

(Rambling under cut)

Ok so, the Fox was one of Narinder’s OG disciples, the other two being Forneus and Azrael. The three were a tight nit group that schooled in Silk Cradle before being transfered to Narinder's Cult as his first followers

The Fox had a name during that time but it has been lost to time and he doesn't care for it now so we're just gonna call him Fox

Anyways Fox was kinda the lancer to Azrael and they often butted heads about the teachings of death and what death means to them, but it was never in a mean spirited way. In fact the two saw each other as brothers

When Azrael was having love troubles and trying to get with Forneus, Fox was there to give him some advice. When Fox got into a fight and lost, Forneus and Azrael swooped in and patched up their friend. When there was a meeting they must attend but it's extremely boring, Fox always found as way to crack jokes and make the whole thing better

He was a good person back then. Until he started to hear Narinder's lessons on resurrections.

He became obsessed with the idea; it consumed him like it did Narinder and he slowly isolated himself from his friends

When Narinder got chained, the three of them fled, hiding from the bishops. Their status, their honor, their respect, all gone. They were fugitives now, but they had each other

Until Fox took it too far

He started to gain followers, forming a pack of outcasts so he may rise up as the new god of death and take down the bishops, but Forneus and Azrael protested

There was a huge fight, Azrael got hurt, and the two cats left disgusted. Fox was no longer the friend they once knew...

From there, the Fox forms his Pack, terrorizing the lands, and eventually crossing paths with a crowned Ratau

It starts with deals, but Fox becomes obsessed over Ratau, wanting the Red Crown for himself. When Ratau refuses, he cursed the rat and starts looking into ways of making a crown for himself

From there, we know the story: The New Faith rises, the crown is formed but finds its bearer in a white wolf Fox dismissed, and he finally dies, getting dragged down into the pits of hell by everyone he's killed

And what a hell it is! The Fox's eternal punishment in hell is to be eaten alive over and over, never dying and feeling every bite taken out of him, only to regenerate the next day to do it all over again

Stella herself often takes time out of her day to watch this go down. Every day she takes a moment to watch the monster suffer as she and so many in the Pack had suffered. It's what she sees as right and just

Fox, for his part, suffers everyday, not fully accepting he was in the wrong, but he takes solice in knowing that this will be his existences and accepts his place in death

Of course, we all know that death is not the end, and living forever is the truest punishment in the Land of the New Faith

*wink wink, nudge nudge*

[katyahina]

Gascoigne's beast form stuff (ask reply)

@ anon I decided to respond in this blog instead of my personal/rambles one, hope this is ok!

(Model ripped by tokami-fuko on dA ( x ))

I think this is a fair suggestion that his transformation might go even further, especially considering the fact that he not only barely has any fur, but also his skin keeps its color! Beasthood has a consistent trend of making skin that unnatural grey color:

(LOVE that they bothered to give bestial hunter's normal form unnatural skin color too despite the fact that we can't see it in game! Sometimes their attention to detail is just.. something)

Amelia is probably the biggest pointer as we are clearly shown her human skin color on her hands in a cutscene.. In fact, arguably, Gascoigne is doing a bit better than average Huntsmen, or even better than the fellow Old Hunters (look at hostile Old Hunter mob and 'true' form of Bestial Hunter). He has been losing himself to the hunt and paranoia for a while now and finally lost it, but he doesn't have that much fur, his skin color didn't alter. (He also doesn't have horns unlike Cleric Beasts, Abhorrent Beasts and even Large Huntsmen, but these are not for all beasts so we don't have to count them!)

I think that Huntsmen are transforming gradually over time, consumed by blood and aggression, and their 'final' form is Scourge Beast type, when they become completely animalistic:

I think it is valid to believe that Gascoigne could transform even further, there are enough reasons to think so! He is still too humanoid, all things considered! I will just move onto my personal interpretation now!

The thing about Cleric Beast-leaning Gascoigne is a really great topic of discussion! He already was a 'Father' (as in, religious figure) in his homeland, so, a cleric! As for Yharnam life, not only he was with the Healing Church once and quit it, but also his transformation happens extremely abruptly, that we only saw with Amelia!

(Interviews: ( x ))

The thing about Cleric Beasts is that they're so horrible because they've been holding back for so long. I can imagine Gascoigne being the same, as someone struggling to hold back so much for his family. We just happen to meet him when he finally breaks, but the guy must have had a huge will power to last as much as he did. +Also, please correct me if this was debunked, but as someone who always uses hunter summons to examine their patterns I've noticed that Gascoigne is the only one who never even once uses Blood Vials? If this is intentional, it could be a further evidence of his self-restraint: avoiding consuming the blood being aware of its addicting properties!

But here is why personally I do not headcanon that Gascoigne could transform even further! Unlike average people that are turning gradually, with strongly self-restraining people whatever form they take when they finally break IS their inner beast, it its truest form! This IS already his "cleric beast" form.... And it is not all that big and scary or impressive, because HE didn't have as much evil to hold back as average clerics in Healing Church. One person's very worst won't be the same as another person's very worst, but I also think it psychologically "helped" him to waste some aggression in the hunt - something Laurence and Amelia didn't have!

He murdered and part of the dark urges would escape through it, but he did not hunt in the same unhinged way as Ludwig either, so he is not transforming into someone as big and scary as him. He is just helping people! Not to mention Viola helping him to calm down with the music box when he was forgetting himself in the hunt. Just the right balance between what impulses to restrain and what to unleash!

My personal headcanon is that he cut the ties with the Healing Church over its corruption and wish to self-isolate and abandon the hunt (with the exception of its own walls), leaving the citizens to fend for themselves and defaming Oedon Chapel to bury the "proper" hunt as a concept. He was a honest man with a sense of justice and could not stand resorting to safety and not doing anything to help... But he still had religious principles of self-restrain and patience internalized; if not Healing Church ones, then those of the Church in whatever country he came from! It is also why whereas I believe that Cheric Beast of the Bridge was a Healing Church hunter too, since he drops Sword Hunter badge, he certainly avoided the hunt except for maybe defending Amelia, and mostly participated indirectly as the commander. (Honorable mention: Henriett that did the same, because her clothes imitate Old Hunters' set and she is a summon against Healing Church bosses, but she has Church weapons).

_____________________

Thank you very much for an ask, it was interesting to think about and it helped me to shape my interpretation of the character better! He definitely has something in common with Cleric Beasts, but I just personally like to think that as a 'hold back and snap' kind of beast rather than 'gradually transforming' kind of beast, this IS his "worst"- Still very strong and fearsome, but far from how much evil the corrupt clerics held back! He is just a good boy!

[merryfortune]

a moment in time and space

Written for Femslash February 2025

Day 25. Myth

Title: a moment in time and space

Ship: Amelia/Sana

Fandom: hololive

Word Count: 1,653

Rating: T

Warning: None 

Tags: First Meetings, Crushes, Bittersweet

   “Ehh, so this is the end of time, huh?” Amelia marvelled at what she saw.

   And what she saw was a whole lot of nothing.

   It was just space. An infinite continuum of space. Of course, it was very pretty though. Space, in its truest and most unfiltered form, was beautiful. The dying stars twinkled, they dwimmered and glowed gently in colours across a spectrum of hot and cold, red and green, yellow and blue, and then white. All of them sequined in place to the vast expanse of the inky blue-black abyss. 

   Looking around, left and right and right and left, Amelia had a lot to think, a lot to joke about it but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh. It was too sad and lonely out here to laugh. Not to mention, there wasn’t any air out here either but she was doing fine, Amelia wasn’t a normal human being after all, so don’t worry about it.

   So let’s see…

   Doctor Who got it mostly right. And there would be a big party at the end, a huge goodbye. It was vast and lonely and yet beautiful at the same time, devoid of life, devoid of planets, merely the lingering remnants of dynasties past, both human and alien. 

   NASA would want photos but neither NASA nor Doctor Who had been around for quite some time. Heh. After all, this was the end of it all. The final stop until kaboom and then nothing wouldn’t even exist afterwards, when these last stars finally died and space ate itself and then… Who knows what will happen, a second Big Bang, maybe? Something else entirely?

   “Oh, hello, its rare to see someone out here.”

   Amelia startled and whipped around. She floated and she stared as her vision was engulfed by a titan.

   She was beautiful. She had massive, glistening eyes of a rich amber and long, lusucious locks of ashy-blonde hair. Her smile was sweet and innocent and all of her was impossible to take in at once. Amelia could only glance through her other features, her eyes darting up and down and around so she could get a snapshot of her pigtails, of her hands, her legs and her body.

   Everything about her was impossibly big.

   It was amazing. Marvellous, even. 

   “Ack, sorry, I’m being so rude right now- allow me, I’ll use my capacitator!”

   As if Amelia wasn’t the one, slack jawed and staring. Crazy.

   Amelia blinked and the titan was gone. Instead, now, she was accompanied by that very same goddess just in a relatively smaller size. Compared to Amelia, a tiny tot, she was still quite the giantess but nothing impossible like before.

   “You must be Amelia Watson,” she giggled, hands behind her back, fidgeting, “Kronii’s told me much about you.”

   Amelia’s eyes widened, “You know Kronii?” she exclaimed.

  “Yes, of course, she is my fellow councilwoman after all. I’m Sana, it’s nice to finally meet you, Amelia, I had a feeling I would. One day and, well, whilst there isn’t any “days” anymore, I’m glad that today is that day. I’ve been keeping track, you know. Keeps the mind sharp, staves off boredom.”

   Amelia listened, dumbfounded, to Sana’s rambling. She was so sweet-talking and lonely-sounding.

   “I hope we can become very close friends, Amelia Watson.” Sana bowed.

   Amelia smirked and she shined her nails on the flap of her jacket in some vain effort to seem cool and detached and mysterious, “My friends call me, Ame, you know.”

   “Then its good to meet you, Ame.” Sana replied and when she smiled, there were crinkles in the corners of her eyes. Tears, too, grateful tears.

   “So, uh, you just Sana? Like Madonna?” Amelia asked.

   “Huh? Oh, uh, no, I’m Tsukumo Sana, of the Council.” Sana clarified, startled so she blinked back her tears.

   “Good to meet you then, Tsukumo Sana of the Council. As you know, I’m Amelia Watson, of Myth.” Amelia preened, proud.

   It felt like only yesterday that was well and truly true. Probably was. Oh, the woes of being a time traveller. Thrown about through the time streams, skipping through portals or falling through them, more accurately.

   Had its benefits though.

   Like meeting lovely ladies like Tsukumo Sana.

   Sana must have felt the same. Her giddiness at having met someone new in the first in who knows how long was contagious. Amelia flashed her a smile and Sana clasped her hands together in ecstatic prayer and gratitude.

   “We simply must get to know one another,” Sana insisted, “please, tell me all about yourself, Ame, I’d love to know!”

   Amelia chuckled, “Well, I guess we have the time for such stories.”

   “The space, too.” Sana laughed.

   “So, it couldn’t hurt. After all, its not every day you meet a brilliant detective such as I.” Amelia bragged. “In fact, there was this one time I was a train when all of a sudden, a dalmatian sped past my carriage and you’ll never guess what was in its mouth, or who was chasing it. Starting an absolutely classic whodunnit murder in an impossible red room.”

   “Ooh, tell me more.” Sana replied, excited and fangirling.

   Sana released her hands from the clasp she had upon them - and instead stole Amelia’s. Sana was fun and playful and vivacious. That’s what Amelia’s keenly detected in the sparkle of her smile, the glimmer of her eyes, and the touch of her soft hands.

   Sana twirled Amelia through the stars in some kind of waltz. It was messy and out of step with no ballroom beneath them. Just the abyss. Amelia played along and she regaled many tall tales from her past. Sana listened in rapture, her heart pounded along to every twist and turn that Amelia mustered in speech.

   They went back and forth like this for quite some time. Dancing, telling stories, laughing and playing pretend at being horrified by the plot. For how long, however, Amelia wasn’t sure of the exact hour, minute, or second. She struggled to keep count, not even her genius brain could resist the oblivion that she was tiptoeing upon through with Sana and the stars. 

   After all, this was the place where time had ended after all but it felt like a long time. And its not that she was running out of stories, either, and nor had she begun to dig on the ones that surely Sana could tell as a titan of space but…

   There was something that began to plague Amelia as she had such fun with this new bosom companion of hers.

   “Hey… Sana…” Amelia mumbled after a din of not very much in their conversation.

   “Yes, Ame?” Sana brightly asked, blinking all but audibly.

   “Will the others find this place?” Amelia asked. “One day?”

   Sana hummed, “I hope so but its hard to say.”

   “Ah. I see. Makes sense. No plants and no water, no civilization, no one to die so no souls to harvest… It’d be hard for the othes to find this place, huh?” Amelia mused, she tried to hide her increasingly downcast expression beneath her fluffy blonde bangs but a note inside her voice betrayed her. Especially when an after-thought slipped hurtfully through her lips, “They mightn’t even want to come here.”

   “Is something the matter?” Sana asked, concerned. “Is there something wrong with this place?” Her voice twisted like an offended knife.

   “I… I probably can’t stay here, you know.” Amelia replied. “It’s highly unlikely that I will, actually, hic.”

   They stopped dancing. Abruptly. 

   Sana’s shoulders slumped and her fingers began to slip through Amelia’s which were interlocked. Her lower lip quivered, disappointed immeasurable began to pearl in the tears she was threatening to cry. Against her will. She was so happy, so grateful to have met Amelia, or anyone, for the first time in so, so long. She didn’t want to let go and yet, her involuntary loosening of her grip was apparent.

   “I’m a time traveller, you know.” Amelia began to clarify. “I can kind of control it but I kind of can’t either. I get that yearning to hit the road and I need to go back to a time and place where there are roads for me to hit, time for me to travel.”

   “I… I understand.” Sana forced herself to say.

   “Like, not right now. Not yet but eventually, I think it will happen.” Amelia felt bad so she put her foot in it some more. 

   “I said I understand.” Sana fiercely interjected.

   Amelia shrank in herself, “I’m glad. C’mon, I… I haven’t even told you about the time I met the Queen of England, yet.” She tried to brush it all off, to quell Sana’s quiet fury.

   Her imminent heartbreak over something that had yet to come to pass. 

   Sana chewed her bottom lip and stared deep into Amelia’s eyes with an emotion that Amelia could not fully articulate. It was sad, it was angry, it was Sana.

   Words that Sana need not speak dammed behind her mouth. Amelia could read her like an open book.

   How dare Amelia suggest that there was something wrong here. They had each other. Sana had been waiting for her, all this time, for the human who could live in the space where time had ended. 

   “Please, let’s enjoy ourselves a little more before, you know… that time.” Amelia suggested and she reaffirmed the companionship that she had.

   She tightened her grip on Sana’s hands. They were large and slender, elegant and soft. They dwarfed Amelia’s hands but it was now Amelia who anchored them both in this abyss.

   Sana let go of her breath in a hot exhale but her expression afterwards was refreshed. “Alright. Tell me more, Amelia, tell me everything.”

   “With pleasure.” Amelia replied.

   Sana smiled and for another moment in time and space, all was right with her little corner of the universe now that she had someone to share it with.

[arcane-abomination]

Rambling on Darkness

Darkness is the finite truth of the universe. Its expanse is vast in comparison to the light. Reaching across great distances to encompass all space that it can, and will ever be perceived. Light in return treads softly through it. Forming minute spaces of exuberance and shimmer but never anything that holds measure to the magnitude darkness overtakes. Darkness, in all its glory reaches deep into all things. It seeps into every tight crevice in ways light can not, and nestles down into the restless core of being. It’s that which is hidden in plain site, the emissary and the guardian all in one.

It’s as relentless as the tide overtaking the shore, and as gentle as a shadow cascading over the floor. As quiet as the snow and as loud as the rage of a storm. It is the place of our beginning as well as our inevitable end. Darkness is the true nature of existence yet we scramble for the light like moths to a flame. Afraid of its impending dominance, we climb higher seeking more light only to eventually find ourselves incased in that which we’ve spent to long running from. Only now do we feel its true nature…its purpose. It calms and satiates our being, as the end comes into view. We stop running now and lay down in acceptance and reprieve.

Why do we deny this nature until theirs no where left to run, no more time to spend? The truth of the darkness and the unseen is unyielding yet we continue to turn away, force-feeding ourselves the comfortable lies to cope. It’s because it’s easier to shape our solidity in the light. To broadcast those lies in full view while we keep the truth tucked away in the shadows. We fool ourselves and dilute the true meanings, content within our unchanging visibility. But we forget the importance of being seen. The lesson that visibility teaches us. Light only has power because darkness exists. Without that which we deny, light would have no meaning…no lies or truth. It would be nothing. Darkness defines light, makes its worth, and entertains its existence within the wide expanse of everything. It overpowers and consumes the light when necessary and lets it shine in convenience.

Addressing the energies of both can bring balance. Both are found in all things, however, Darkness plays the orchestra while light plays a singular band. And when that truth is realized darkness makes a much more formidable concoction of sound. Overpowering to the senses and undeniable in its magnifying echo.

Let us return to the truest nature. To accept the unseen and the fluidity of realities beyond the physical realm. Escape the cage of light and dance freely within the darkness.

[lovenotesxcitygirls]

Why Am I Even Writing This?

Honestly, I don’t know why I’m starting this blog. Writing about something as controversial as love and romance feels like stepping into a battlefield armed with nothing but a pen and a lot of opinions. But here I am, because as someone who genuinely loves connection and wants people to just get to the love already, it feels like the right thing to do.

I’m tired. Tired of the podcasts, the red-pill rants, the TikTok discourse where everyone talks but no one listens. And while I can’t explain why I feel the need to contribute to the noise, I figured I’d take a shot at adding something meaningful. People have been telling me for years, “You should start a podcast!” But let’s be real—I’m not a podcast person. The idea of sitting in front of a mic, trying not to cringe at the sound of my own voice? No thanks. I’d honestly probably ramble. Writing is my lane. Maybe one day this will evolve into a podcast, but for now, this is my space to think out loud, wine in hand.

It’s funny, though, because this has nothing to do with my career, my ambitions, or my five-year plan. People have even told me, “You’d make a great therapist!” And to that, I say: absolutely not. Shoutout to the therapists out there—I respect you, but I’m not built to sit and listen to people unpack their problems all day. What I am built for is love. Not just the rom-com kind, but love in its truest, rawest form: deep, unfiltered, messy, and magical.

How Did We Get Here?

There’s no shortage of theories about why modern love feels like such a disaster. Someone once told me, “Men are looking for women who no longer exist, and women are looking for men who don’t yet exist.” That hit me. Because honestly, it feels true.

Some people blame it on R&B—“Men aren’t out here begging anymore.” And listen, I laughed, but they weren’t wrong. Where’s the Keith Sweat energy, the Boyz II Men drama? Where are the love songs that make you want to call someone and cry?

Others say it’s because we’re living in unprecedented times. Women are independent in ways history has never seen before, and with the rise of AI and a rapidly changing world, the things we find valuable are shifting. We’re in a cultural transition, and everyone’s trying to figure out what love looks like when the old rules don’t work anymore.

What I Hope to Do Here

So, as I sip my wine and play the “Who is Jill Scott?”album (because yes, that album is still undefeated), I find myself wondering: How do we bridge this gap? How do we move past the noise and get to the heart of what love is supposed to be?

This blog isn’t about preaching, and I don’t have all the answers. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their life or what their relationships should look like. But I do want to have real conversations about what love means today—the good, the bad, the confusing. I want to explore what it looks like to love deeply in a world that often feels shallow, to connect authentically in a culture obsessed with the next swipe, and to hold space for something real in the midst of all the chaos.

Maybe this space will grow into something bigger. Maybe it’ll just be a collection of thoughts and stories, scribbled down in between sips of wine. Either way, I’m glad you’re here. Let’s figure this out together.

[melit0n]

Hello my dear

Why do you like the Stephen Crane poem so much

🫂🫂🫂

Thank you for asking Kate <33

Overall, the poem takes to exploring the themes of isolation, existential contemplation, how self love improves love to others and the harshness of the natural world. When it comes to poetry, I'm a big fan of romantic poets (Walt Whitman, William Blake and Lord Byron) who tackle the power of humanity verses the power of nature. Crane does exactly this in In The Desert, but in a really self depricating way.

First off, desert symbolism! The desert serves as a metaphor for the harsh and barren aspects of life. It's a place of isolation and challenges, reflecting the difficulties and struggles individuals face in their existence. Therefore, the desert can be a metaphor for multiple things within context; depression, general self-isolation, a toxic relationship etc. In the desert, you don't really expect to meet anybody there, so, you act how you do when no one's watching; a time when a person is at their most vunerable, which links to why the creature is "naked". It represent vulnerability and or a state of raw, unguarded honesty. Stripped of societal constructs, the creature is exposed in its truest form. It is patient zero; Cain at ground level.

And then the heart. The heart is and will always be powerful symbol in literature, typically coming with a story of love. However! Crane does something different with it; his creature chews, bites and swallows it. The act of eating the heart symbolises someone confronting and consuming their own emotions or experiences; having The Human Experience.

Since the poem is in first person, it also puts the reader directly into it, meaning we are the ones to ask the creature if "it is good", addressing it like an old friend we haven't seen in a while. And the response we get is odd. You'd think a thing, hunched over in the sand eating its own heart would either be enjoying it to no extent or suffering, but the response is simply "bitter". The repeated emphasis on bitterness suggests a recognition of life's hardships and challenges. The creature acknowledges the bitterness of his own heart, and yet, there's a sense of acceptance or even appreciation for that bitterness. It's not enjoyment or absolute hatred; it's an acceptance.

Further, human flesh is known to have a bitter taste to it (along with the ever present taste of chicken/pig that seems to follow ever meat ever lmao), including the heart. Humans are typically hard-wired against canabalism (which, here, becomes self destruction. It takes a lot to push a human over the edge to start harming themselves deliberately) because it makes us ill to the point death is conceivable. The creature knows this, but accepts it.

Lastly, the creature takes ownership of his bitter heart, stating "But I like it / Beacuse it is bitter/ Because it is my heart." Now, the creature confirms enjoyment, and it signifies the acceptance of personal struggles and the acknowledgment that one's experiences, no matter how bitter, are an integral part of who they are.

When I talked about 'cannabalism as a metaphor for love' in my repost about this, I meant it for self-love, and how it's needed for things to get better.

Looking back on it all, I think, to actually answer your question Kate, is it reflects a lot of the stuff I struggle with internally. I find it hard to accept who and what I am and the anger I have towards myself, being pushed onto other people, which leaves me isolated; In The Desert. I have issues sometimes with seeing myself as human, so, unironically, I relate to the creature a lot. Plus, it's interesting that Crane decided that a good presentation for humanity is a naked creature, sat, completely vunerable, in the middle of an isolated desert.

(@moonchild-in-blue, thank you both for asking and letting me ramble. I'm sorry if this was boring, I don't get to do this very often <3)

[kiawren]

This is like. from a year ago (24/12/22) and it's unfinished LOL SORRY but since Arsene asked for it.. This is the flower shop au kiawren where wren is a florist..!! it's angst but not even a lot but also it's like angstiest that kiawren gets 💀 cuz they're such a fluffy couple. this is just like an au and not how we 'canonly' got together!! I just wanted to play around with flower language lol. and how I write kiawren has also changed since last year ok enough rambling. also sorry for the double line breaks I copy pasted it from my notes ok enjoy i guess. if you see this you should def write a flower language fic for ur selfship too🫡

It's valentine's day in alola. For a region that celebrates life and togetherness, this is a day that people here treasure as a way to celebrate and express all forms of love, not just romantic. Families and friends are not neglected on this day, and many give gifts to the ones close to them, like confectionaries and friendship bracelets. But of course, romantic love takes the spotlight on this day, and many loving couples can be seen on dates together on this day. Among the things that they exchange as a token of their love, flower bouquets are one of the most popular. And as a helper florist in my parentsʼ flower shop, I've seen all sorts of people in the shop today, looking for flowers for their love.

While my parents are busy with selling our flower bouquets and other proceedings, I help out with flower arranging. I've started learning flower language, and teach customers who to make their own bouquet. However, most people buy pre-made flowers bouquets, few would take the time to craft their own from scratch, especially on valentine's day itself, where they do not have the time of day for that. So, they settle with a complete bouquet already for sale, and after buying it, busy themselves with getting chocolates, or meeting up with their date.

It's a shame, though, I thought. Who wouldn't want a bouquet of flowers specially picked out to convey affection in the form truest to you and your lover? Many give and receive flowers with just the thought that they look pretty, but never really spare a second thought to the meanings behind the flowers.

Well, I would want to receive flowers specifically picked out for me. I think it would be incredibly thoughtful. But alas, the ones receiving flowers today would not be me. I don't have a date. I don't have a valentine. Though, I do have someone I wish would be mine...

"Ding!" I looked up from my daze and move my head away from its position on my palm to the direction of someone entering. The flower arranging station I sit at is at the back of the flower shop, away from the main area where the pre-made bouquets are. The back door to where I am is rarely used or even noticed, so only someone who had the intention of coming into the flower arranging station would come in through here.

"Hey, Wren!" a familiar voice called.

"Kiawe!" I lit up, a bright smile creeping onto my face as I greeted him. "What are you doing here?"

Kiawe... where do I start? He's my closest friend, but he's more than that to me. Over time, I found myself thinking of him so much, and everything reminded me of him, and I'd imagine us doing things together, and spending time together. I want to admit I have a crush on him, but what I feel is more than a fleeting infatuation. It's true that I'm still young and it seems like a 'first love' that is short-lived. But no, I don't feel that way. There's more to it, like, it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. That being next to Kiawe is meant to be. We started out as friends, but our bond has deepened a lot since then, and I love him in such a special way. More than friends, but less than lovers, because that's not what we are. I wonder if he feels even a little of that.

"Well...uh, I wanted to make a flower bouquet for someone."

"What?"

My heart sank. Did I hear that right? Make a bouquet... for someone... Kiawe wanted to gift someone flowers he picked out? Who... Who was he going to give the flowers too? Who–

"You can help me with that, right?" He asked, smiling gently. His eyes were bright and lively, but when you look at them, they seem to calm you. I love looking at his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. Of course I can!"

"Thank you, Wren." Kiawe takes a seat and looks at the flowers around the room.

"So, you have a valentine's?" I say.

"Yup, I do."

".......what are they like?"

"...where do I begin? They're so special. I don't know if these flowers can convey my confession well enough, but... knowing them, I know they'd love it anyway."

I stand up and turn to the racks of flowers behind me.

"Are you looking for any flowers in particular? Usually, flowers are arranged with their colours and species in mind so they don't clash, you know? If I just pick any to put together, it won't as good as the pre-made bouquets out there."

"I don't think they'd mind."

"Really? Actually, me neither. Although I'm a florist and I should arrange flowers in a way that looks appealing to sell, I think it doesn't matter if you're giving them sincerely. Even if they're mismatched, the meanings are still there. And you took the time to pick them out. They're just flowers. They're beautiful regardless."

Kiawe smiles softly. "Yeah, exactly. So, I'd like you to pick them based on the meanings. How it looks arranged at the end doesn't matter as much."

"Okay. So, you're making a confession... could you, well, describe your love for them that you wish to confess?"

"...they make me feel so happy, it feels like the sort of puppy love-"

"Like a childlike love? Like, it's not really deep, but it still feels like love and you feel so carefree?"

"Yeah! Like that. They make me feel that way. It's like pure joy, being with them. They remind me of so many cheerful things, and... they give me butterflies a lot."

"I've got the flower for you. Here, pink daisies. They symbolise a gentle and innocent affection, like the kind of love you described. I think it's perfect for a confession like yours."

Kiawe brushed his fingers across the daisies I set on the counter. "They're really pretty, Wren. Just like the person they're for."

"Really..?... Could you describe them?"

"No words can. Everytime I look at them, my heart stops for a moment. I'm filled with warmth and..."

He pauses and tries to find the words. I smile at him, silently telling him to take his time. He looks at me and smiles back.

"They have a wonderful smile. It's like sunshine, and it makes me feel at peace."

"A beautiful smile, huh? Yellow tulips symbolise that." I pick up some yellow tulips and place them on the counter.

"...and their eyes," kiawe starts after a beat of silence. I look at him, and we hold our gazes on each other. "Their eyes are really beautiful. It's like I can see the stars in them."

I break eye contact and turn to the variegated tulips.

"Here. These tulips mean beautiful eyes."

The tulips are yellow at the top with a red-orange towards the bottom. the colours meet at the middle in uneven streaks. Kiawe picks one up and twirls it in his fingers, quietly admiring it.

"You know," I say, leaning on the counter. "I didn't know you had.. I didn't know you had a person you're going to date or something."

"Why's that?"

"Because it seems you spend all your time with the friend group, or... with me. I didn't know there's anyone else"

"....."

"....or is your person from our friend group? Who is it? Lillie? Lana? Actually, it seems your description could fit any of them. They're all amazing people. I could see why you think of any of them that way."

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I shouldn't pry. This is none of my-!"

Kiawe laughs slightly. It comes out as a slight chuckle. It's a lovely sound.

"Do you want more clues?" Kiawe says.

"Okay..." my mood grew bitter and I felt a pang in my heart.

"Everything they do feels like a spark ignited in me. And over all the time I've spent with them, they've become a flame in my heart, and it keeps me feeling alive."

"..... I don't know. But anyway, it's really sweet they make you feel that way. A flame in your heart?"

"Yeah, one that burns really bright and keeps me going."

"There's a flower for that." there's a section of lovely cammelias and I take a few red ones before passing them to Kiawe.

The crimson colour perfectly matches that of Kiawe's red streaks of hair.

"Hey, what about you, Wren?"

"What about me?"

"Well, I counted on you not having your day occupied so I could visit you here."

I don't meet his eyes.

"I don't have a Valentine's, no..."

I pick up the flowers on the counter. Pink daisy, yellow and variegated tulip, and red cammelia.

"We have enough flowers to arrange into a bouquet, "I say. "What base would you like?"

"You can pick." Kiawe says. "Oh. Could you add one more flower?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I hope for my love to be requited. That they love me the same."

"Oh..." I halt for a beat or two and pull myself to slowly move to where the daffodils are.

"Are you confident they will?" I ask.

"Yeah. There's no way they don't." Kiawe answers.

I return in front of him with jonquils in my hand, bright yellow like how a perfectly joyous love would look like.

"Will these do?"

"Yes!"

There was a tug at my chest at how happy Kiawe was at the thought of gifting these flowers to the person he loves. The person kiawe loves. Just repeating those words in my head made it throb. Whoever they are, they're so, so lucky...

"Can I help arrange them?" Kiawe perks up.

"Sure. Here..." I explain how I arrange the flowers the way I know how to, and guide him where he wants to help.

Our hands brushed a few times, and I could feel the lingering warmth of his skin on mine.

"Hey, so..." Kiawe says. "What will you be doing this evening?"

"I haven't decided."

"You know, on valentine's day in alola, it's said that showing an act of love or gifting something as a token of it while watching the sunset together is said to make to your love last as long as the sun continues to rise and set every day."

"I love sunsets, but.. I didn't know that."

"Now you do! So, people do things like exchanging kisses and hugs while watching the sunset with your loved ones. Gifting flowers count too."

"That's nice. So, you'll gift your special someone these flowers at sunset?"

"That's right."

"I guess I'll just get myself dinner, then a slice of mango cake to eat by myself. As a treat."

"I know you love those."

"Yeah," I chuckle. "I do."

We finish the flower bouquet and step back to admire it.

"It's perfect." Kiawe says, beaming.

I smile too. "I'm sure they'll love it. Well, even if they don't, I do..."

"You know what?" I say after a pause. "I'm going to make one too."

"Make one? A flower bouquet?"

"Yeah."

"...W-what? For who?"

"For the person I have my eyes on."

"You didn't tell me you had someone in mind today as well."

"....." I turn towards the flower rack again, my back against kiawe.

"W-well!" Kiawe says, voice breaking ever so subtly. "I better get going."

He reaches the door and pushes it open, the bell dinging indicating his exit.

"Happy Valentine's day.... Wren." Kiawe says at the door, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"... Happy Valentine's day, Kiawe." I respond, but too softly, while Kiawe is too far behind the door to hear me now.

I sat back down. I felt empty

[anxiousgirl]

what made you start going to therapy if you're not depressed?

well I was a victim of a crime in 2019 and the police department actually appointed me a social worker to deal with the trauma but I decided to take my mental health into my own hands and seek a social worker independently and through doing that/speaking with her (she is iconic to say the least) she got me connected with my current therapist who I have seen for the last 4 years.

this is not to suggest you need either a mental health issue or a crisis in order to “justify” seeking therapy. again, therapy is self-care at the crux of it. and its not self-care the way a bath and a cold glass of water is “self-care”, it's like the truest form of caring about oneself. any time you're taking care of your body or your mind? That, to me, is self care. It's not always easy comfortable but it's so valuable and again, SHOULD BE EASIER TO ACCESS!

anyways yeah sorry I rambled lol that's why I started goin’ lol

[somajean]

I am back on my absolute Bullshit and there is nothing but OC lore below the cut

Okay. So. Vampires. I have an OC world. I have original writings and ramblings and things and ✨ jazz hands here ✨ ideas for future content use. But the most important thing I should just. Write down and scream to the void at some point is my Vampires. There are actually 4 distinct species of Vampire, and only two of them are fucking related at all. The other two are just convergent evolution saying hello like the carcanization processes of our world.

With that outta the way? FISH VAMPIRES. SEA DWELLING MFs. The key traits include bioluminescence, scales, androgeny, long "hair" and hermaphroditism. Basically, long long time ago there was a big ass Dragon, right? And it was in charge of the dark. Well, the truest, deepest, darkest place in the world is of course the bottom of the ocean. So deep the sun could never reach. Even the moon was "light reflected" so the surface? Ehhh. Not so useful. Old Dragon fucker was named Vaals, and set about mitigating things that could pass from deep to shallows.

Well some mixing inevitably happens; as it does in water. Sediment finds its level but life constantly evolves. So this siren swims down and she is so sure of herself and so beautiful and so fucking on point. And then she meets. The dragon. And she is NO LONGER the most beautiful thing, because how can you be more beautiful than a singular concept made manifest? She is of course, offended by this. And she tries to illuminate the ol' dreggin. Yeah, no? No. That didn't go too well. It's like staring into the center of an iris, it's not reflective of light. You can light the surroundings but not the actual subject in question.

But she is intelligent and not so scared. And so she's offered to stay. And to hell if this Siren doesn't stay! But she gets lonely with little to do and nothing to lure or torment, even if she can catch her own food. So what's this sea critter do? She talks to the dragon! And the Dragon comes up with a solution. It could lay eggs and suffuse them with her genetic material so she's not so incredibly bored anymore. Give or take a little while for whatever pops out to mature. She's game!

And so, those eggs made the first of the sea vampires- the Met Halla Van. The clutch didn't get individual names, that wasn't a thing they did back then. Even having forms of communication was a total pain because this was like, Cambrian era evolution. They little hatchies grow up, yay, and keep the siren company. And she dies of old age. Which, eventually, was bound to happen. But the little vampires just... didn't. They reached maturity and stayed that way.

A few of them died from sea critters or decompression swimming up or from light, which, understandable. But the numbers were dwindling. So they got together and thought, OK. Being lonely is kinda shit actually. So they lay eggs of their own and fertilize them. And, as it turns out, when your progenitors are a concept made manifest, a fuck load of magic and only one creature's genetic material, you kinda just take after the genetic material part.

So these vampires make a stable deep sea breeding/cycle experiment. They sort of lamprey on big things but by and large are just vibing (tm) with Dragon Parent. But, as time goes on and more foreign material gets introduced into the mix via food, blood, stray magic, etc, the critters start to deviate. The fishies that don't die after hatching look, generally, more and more and more like the bipedal siren than a mix of a dragon and a siren. Some of those little ones have bad fangs, a lack of fins for propulsion, and all that. So there has to be a solution to safeguarding these weird little genetic abominations. The eventual solution was to move up in the northernmost regions and hide directly under and inside ice shelves they started to hollow out.

So the "land walking" fish vampires were referred to as the Van Van Vaals. They can feed off the blood of each other, or fish, or people that wreck ashore into the icebergs. More on that... Later? Later. Different post this one is long enough.

[bill-millions-movies]

GASOLINE RAINBOW

"This is the big difference between grownups and children. Grownups aren't supervised."

ROAD MOVIES ARC movie 6

GASOLINE RAINBOW (2024)

FEBRUARY 2, 2025

Gathering five teen non-actors and filming their road trip to the Oregon Coast, this largely improvised movie straddles the line between documentary and fictional storytelling, a specialty for the directors, the Ross Brothers, whose acclaimed previous film, Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets, told the story of the last night of a Vegas dive bar, using its real-life bar patrons. The high schoolers here are from Wiley, Oregon, 513 miles from the coast, and as their graduation approaches, they pile in a van for a quest to see the Pacific. Shot entirely in Oregon, this looks like a rambling, beautifully-shot portrait of Gen-Z youth, and it was on more than a few “best of 2024” movie lists.

"Gasoline Rainbow is a road film in its truest form... [it] feels like a living, breathing, laughing organism. It’s not a caricature of Gen-Z nor a wishful document of what we may hope or theorize 2020s youth to be, and the Ross brothers’ largely hands-off technique allows this to thrive." -RogerEbert.com [4 stars]

"This wild, vicarious ride through youthful adventure is absolutely worth taking, for your own nostalgia and for the reminder that the kids are indeed alright." -Los Angeles Times

Gasoline Rainbow trailer

7:30 trailers 7:35 - 9:23 Gasoline Rainbow

[Want to watch at home instead? Gasoline Rainbow is currently streaming on MUBI, or rent for $5.99 online]

[sleepimimzi]

I think part of the reason why i never went far with any of my toh aus is that whenever it came to trying to write a relationship with belos and another character it always came out as something wildly OOC for him (belos). It was really hard to justify him having a good relationship with Luz or Luz forgiving him for his past actions and hard for me to write a friendship between the two humans because if they're gonna be friends forgiveness for what he did in the past and lying to Luz about it would have to be earned and it would be impossible to earn it.

Also kinda struggling with the massive mischaracterization that a portion of the fandom had of belos and how it kinda ruined the finale for me in a way. Like no Caleb wasn't going to appear, that much was obvious from the trailer and i don't think he should have because he wouldnt have done anything for Luz's, Eda's, or King's story. Id see alot of fans pull any argument as to why the Collector should have been dropped in order to get screen time for Caleb, someone who was essentially a plot (or narrative) device, instead the Collector someone who mirrored Luz in season 1. That's what TOH was about, a story about a group of ppl who think differently navigating the world together. Not to mention the takes about the crew, the production timeline and Dana were really fucking gross? Like yeah seeing Evelyn and Caleb woulda been cool had Disney not shot down the show but by the time EWEW passed and HM rolled around there would have been no reason for Luz to give a shit about Philip's past. Not only was belos an objectively terrible person because looking at what the show gave us there's reasons to believe that he woulda killed Caleb had the people Gravesfield decided he (Caleb) was a witch and when belos had his beliefs challenged by his brother and the isles he decided to double down and kill his brother. But he also hurt Eda and King the two people (barring her mom and dad) that Luz cared most about. Plus you also have the personal betrayal in EWEW.

This ramble kinda stems from an inner debate about whether or not im gonna delete the Eclipse Fam AU cause when i was doing that, i started to get a grasp on my art style and where i wanted it to go as well as helping with art milestones like overcoming sketchbook fear and upping drawing stamina. As for Isles Escape AU, i dunno, i understand there is a nurture aspect to who Philip would grow up to be and the what-if Caleb pulled him outta the fucked up environment of gravesfields was an interesting brainworm. Finally the Swap AU was half of what it was in title what if Philip was in Luz’s place but also i don’t want to turn any of the main cast into belos cause wholeheartedly fuck that guy, drawing longing hair on boy is fun and awesome but I can just make an oc, i have a story on the back burner the needs a lot more designs.

[merryfortune]

the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

AiYusa Month 2024 | May 26th-June 1st | Week Three

Prompts: One Last Word | “If I don’t say this, I’d die.”

Title: the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Ship: Aiballshipping | Ai/Yusaku

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,540

Tags: Truth Serum, Happy Ending

Day 1. Hour 0.

   “Whoa, Ai, are you okay?” Playmaker asked, he had barely skirted the danger but Ai had gallantly taken the worst of it, anything to protect his one true love.

   Or so he had claimed - and crooned - as the shower of arrows rained down on him.

   The effects of the trap that had been triggered faded. The arrows had been made of light: bright white and soft cyan. The cascading weapons had rained down on Ai and he took them valiantly, with muted and occasional grunts.

   So long as his partner Playmaker was safe, yeah?

   Ai laughed as he turned around, twisting like taffy as he came down closer to 

Playmaker. 

   “Never better.” he cheerfully exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

   Already the animated effects of the triggered trap had begun to fade. Its not like Ai looked like a bright and shiny pincushion anymore, just his regular old self. Even so, Playmaker’s brow formed a frown as he examined Ai as best as he could. He gave him a poke and a prod.

   “You sure?” he asked, to be extremely certain.

   “Yes, yes, would I lie to you?” Ai asked.

   Playmaker was quiet. The answer to that was yes, Ai, you would.

   His icy silence made Ai chuckle sheepishly, shrinking in on himself, “Gee, tough crowd.”

   “Alright. I believe you but that’s enough exploring for today. I think we’ve found ourselves in enough trouble today as is.” Playmaker decided.

   “Too true!” Ai cooed and that was that.

   They logged out with little fanfare and little funny business. Kusanagi couldn’t agree more, putting one foot wrong on even the most minor of missions would have unsettled anyone as a thing of more to go wrong. He dismissed them both from Link VRAINS duty as well from hot dog van duties, they may as well have the rest of the afternoon off.

   If only it were so simple.

Day 1. Hour 6.

   Nothing really went awry in Yusaku’s eyes until several hours later when he realised he had quite the mundane conundrum on his hands.

   “What should I have for dinner tonight?” Yusaku asked as he stared down his truest, most longest-time enemy: the sparse insides of a dingy refrigerator. He sighed, “Am I even that hungry…?”

   “What does it matter?” Ai asked, “It’s not like you’ll choose something actually good for your meat bag body or your bank account.”

   “Hey.” Yusaku grouched. He closed the refrigerator with a slam.

   That was… a little mean. Which is fine. Ai was mean sometimes. Heck, he was mean sometimes. Sometimes they were even mean to each other but in this particular instance, it felt more than a little uncalled for. They’d had a big day but was it really so big as to demand a short fuse? 

   Yusaku’s brows furrowed and Ai yipped. He put his hands in front of his face and began to panic.

   “Sorry. I said that without thinking.” Ai apologised.

   “That’s okay, that was gonna be my guess.” Yusaku murmured.

   “Like, it’s just.” Ai stammered. “I care about you. You're my partner! I want to see you take better care of your body. You're not immortal. Like please. Eat a vegetable, any vegetable. Maybe drink some milk for your bones or something, please!”

   His ramblings came across as sweet even if it didn’t go beyond a fond look on Yusaku’s face.

   “Thanks, Ai.” he said. “Let’s go to the convenience store, make some veggie onigiri or something.”

   “That’s better than nothing, I guess.” Ai replied.

   Yusaku hummed but kept this spat in the back of his head. There was just something ever so subtly off about it. It stuck out to him as he collected his wallet and a reusable bag so the two of them could hit the nearest convenience store real quick so he could buy things to make dinner for tonight and things for the next couple of days. He did have school tomorrow.

   And oh boy.

   School.

Day 2. Hour 33

   Thanks to Yusaku going MIA for three months last year, and not having his head in the game academically at all thanks to his activities as an underground hero in the Link VRAINS, he had a lot to catch up on this year and was being made to repeat. That meant Aoi and Naoki were now in the year above him and the peers who were once in the year below him ostracised him worse than his previous classmates but honestly. That was a bonus to Yusaku. No distractions, no nothing. He didn’t mind being the class pariah.

   But even he still had some vain semblance of dignity here and there.

   Dignity Ai was, apparently, in no hurry to preserve.

   They had come to an agreement. Call it love, call it codependence, call it whatever but where Yusaku went, Ai went too and given he was an Ignis, he could go easily under the radar so long as he kept his trap shut.

   If only it were that simple and so far this year, it had actually. Until now.

   It was no secret that Yusaku was the odd one out in his new class. He was slightly older, had a weird aura and an even weirder reputation but he was there. He did his best to stick to the status quo despite very much sticking out as the sore thumb of the group. Yusaku didn’t care either way.

   Not even when his ears (and, heaven forbid, Ai’s) caught whispers of his classmates spreading rumours or gossip. Their words, under their breath or under their desks, were probably meant to be malicious but it didn’t phase Yusaku that much. He had had several years of practice by now to perfect the art of the aloof teenage boy’s nonchalance.

   He didn’t even care if it was the teacher at the front of the classroom who was the one passing on such utterances either.

   Since it was still the beginning of the year, Yusaku didn’t feel an intense urge to study or even focus in class. Maybe he should but it was quite whatever with him. He still had recollection from last year so he just wanted to cruise on through to the last term on a bludge. His teacher didn’t appreciate such a lazy approach, however.

   Yusaku was, admittedly, staring out the window in the most blatant manner possible. He had his chin propped up on his fit, his elbow dug into his desk and his face was pointed out the left of him. He watched as the world idly existed outside his classroom. Birds flitted about trees, ants and salarymen alike scurried around, it was pleasant.

   Until it wasn’t.

   His teacher harrumphed, “Interrupting your daydreams, am I?”

   “Huh?” Yusaku’s eyelashes fluttered as he focused his eyes again, his reverie broken.

   Apparently the  answer to the teacher’s question was yes, but the answer to his other question was not silence either.

   “I said,” the teacher reiterated testily, “are you paying attention? Can you answer the question on the board?”

   Yusaku sheepishly recalibrated. He turned his head and began to frantically scan the board for the answer. This was maths, his strong suit! He should be fine just give him three seconds but his teacher had no interest in mercy. Students who displeased him were not students he showed sympathy to.

   “You may as well quit school at this point if you are going to sleep through it.” his teacher sneered.

   Yusaku fumed vehemently but bit his tongue.

   Ai, having no tongue to bite, didn’t hold back, however.

   “And what do you know, mister?!” Ai piped up. 

   His voice rang through the whole classroom, pausing all the usual clamour. The sound of clicky-clacky keys on tablets, hushed chatter, the sound of pages in books being flicked about. It all ceased eerily as the teacher tried to figure out who had sassed him.

   His face went pink with irritation - but Yusaku wasn’t doing much better. He knew whose voice that was, after all. And its a shame that that voice kept going, had much more to say.

   “Yusaku is the best! He’s smart and works hard, YOU need to provide actually mentally stimulating classes, I’d grade you as an F-minus teacher!” Ai yelled from hiding underneath Yusaku’s sleeve.

   “Are you mocking me, Fujiki-kun?” he snarled.

   “N-No, I have no idea who said that.” Yusaku said.

   “I will be seeing you for reprimand after school, Fujiki!” his teacher snapped.

   Yusaku nodded and clamped his hand over his wrist, as discreetly as he could, too. A reprimand after school, whilst humiliating and scathing, was not the worst thing in the world. He could cop that on the chin but he couldn’t cope with Ai. Not after this, anyway.

   What had gotten into Ai? When Yusaku thought about it, he could really only think of one thing…

   The blush to Yusaku’s face began to recede as he knuckled down in mathematics after this incident. But in the meantime, as he did his arithmetic, his skin crawled and his mind raced. They had talked about this. He and Ai had talked about this exact thing at length and how it was completely and utterly antithetical to the whole staying on the downlow about the existence of the Ignis. 

   Okay.

   Now it was official.

   Things were getting really weird.

   Anyone with eyes could see that there was something sketchy going on with Ai. Let alone Yusaku who spent basically every hour of every day with his partner. It had been bubbling under the surface ever since yesterday but there was just something spotty about Ai. Like he had been hooked up to a coffee machine and was now on the fritz from consuming too much caffeine. He was talking faster, twitching constantly.

   As soon as the class was dismissed for the first break of the day, Yusaku bolted. Since he had a hall pass of the five finger discount variety, he made his way to the most private place in the school: the rooftop. He bypassed its cybernetic security and closed the door behind him.

   All so he and Ai could try and figure things out because that little outburst from earlier crossed the line.

   It was getting on Yusaku’s nerves and of course, it was getting genuinely worrisome.

   “Are you sure you are okay?” Yusaku asked, much heavier in tone than how he had since what he was willing to believe was the precipitating incident from yesterday.

   “N-Never better, beloved.” Ai yapped in reply.

   Yusaku’s eyebrows twinged. He still couldn’t put his finger on it but he let it go for now. 

   He just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what Ai’s problem was beneath the surface of the excessive, frenetic energy he was bubbling with.

Day 3. Hour 72.

   And this energy was a problem.

   Whether Ai wanted to admit it or not.

   It was beginning to drive Yusaku up the wall.

   He had been doing his best to simply ignore it but it was becoming extraordinarily obviously clear that this wasn’t going to go away on its own. Ai was fast coming to that conclusion to as they butted heads together. Or ai tried to stop himself from opening his big mouth. Yusaku wanted to focus on the important things - school, his health, the Link VRAINS - and Ai acting on the fritz was incredibly counterintuitive from that and boxing themselves up in his apartment. Not the solution apparently.

   “I think you need some fresh air.” Yusaku suggested - and that was saying something since he, famously, did not touch grass and Ai didn’t even have lungs to breathe with but he still really needed something.

   It was clear by now - to both Yusaku and Ai - that whatever Ai was going through, it was coming to a head. The afternoon had been so stifling since Ai’s last outburst. It had kept him so embarrassed that they had given each other some space but even then.

   The aftermath was still apparent. Yusaku could hear Ai downstairs with Roboppy, they would bicker and make up and bicker again. Just like with him, really but Yusaku was finished with his homework and it was once again time for him to break fast with a homemade dinner. But first.

   He had to address the elephant in the room with Ai.

   Defeated, deflated, Ai nodded, “Yeah, let’s take a walk.”

   Yusaku agreed.

   Yusaku picked Ai up, Duel Disc and all, and walked him outside. He locked his apartment behind him and felt the chill of an early winter breeze. It was surprisingly crisp for being the inner city but Yusaku adjusted as he began to take his stroll to the park nearby.

   He kept his wrist down but he could all but feel Ai hunkered down in embarrassment until they found a little spot. It was quiet right now. Anyone who was out and about at this hour had likely already made their way home from work or to the nearest restaurant for a night out.

   The city was dim, lit by yellow windows and orange streetlights which seemed so distant as they were plotted along the concrete path that criss-crossed through the park. The green space was perfectly calculated from clipped grass to pruned trees evenly spaced along the path.

   “You ready?” Yusaku asked, his voice low as he stayed to the side of a tree, sitting down on a park bench.

   He heard a grunt and let Ai make his way up. He held his arm like a plank so he could give Ai some semblance of an equal platform. Ai rolled up and began to stretch. The nerves he gave were prickly as he jerked and warmed up to whatever it was he had on his chest until his eyes opened. The yellow of them gleamed with determination which cut through Yusaku’s expectation and was followed by a declaration.

   “If I don’t say this, I’d die.” Ai said. “I - I think, anyway.”

   Yusaku was… dubious to say the least but he could understand the severity and depth of Ai’s emotions, however. He had been in full view of them in the past seventy-two hours, after all. 

   Ai placed his hand, now balled up into a fist, in front of his chest. Where his heart would have been if he weren’t an android. Or an Ignis. He licked his lips and his voice box crackled.

   “I love you.” Ai confessed. “I mean it. From the very bottom of my soul.”

   “I know.” Yusaku replied, a hint of a smile. “I love you, too.”

   Ai blinked. He looked like a refrigerator on the fritz. He also looked like he was beginning to wind down from the virus that had kept him infected for the past seventy-two hours.

   “Is that… everything you wanted to say?” Yusaku asked.

   “I-I think so.” Ai said.

   Yusaku chuckled, “I’m glad you're more like yourself now. You had me worried there for a second.”

   He lifted his wrist closer to his face and let Ai hug him, nuzzling against him in a relieved kiss. The effects of the virus that Ai had clearly been suffering with already became a distant memory as they soaked up the calm that finally followed it.