#and rambling in its truest form

[sleepimimzi]

I think part of the reason why i never went far with any of my toh aus is that whenever it came to trying to write a relationship with belos and another character it always came out as something wildly OOC for him (belos). It was really hard to justify him having a good relationship with Luz or Luz forgiving him for his past actions and hard for me to write a friendship between the two humans because if they're gonna be friends forgiveness for what he did in the past and lying to Luz about it would have to be earned and it would be impossible to earn it.

Also kinda struggling with the massive mischaracterization that a portion of the fandom had of belos and how it kinda ruined the finale for me in a way. Like no Caleb wasn't going to appear, that much was obvious from the trailer and i don't think he should have because he wouldnt have done anything for Luz's, Eda's, or King's story. Id see alot of fans pull any argument as to why the Collector should have been dropped in order to get screen time for Caleb, someone who was essentially a plot (or narrative) device, instead the Collector someone who mirrored Luz in season 1. That's what TOH was about, a story about a group of ppl who think differently navigating the world together. Not to mention the takes about the crew, the production timeline and Dana were really fucking gross? Like yeah seeing Evelyn and Caleb woulda been cool had Disney not shot down the show but by the time EWEW passed and HM rolled around there would have been no reason for Luz to give a shit about Philip's past. Not only was belos an objectively terrible person because looking at what the show gave us there's reasons to believe that he woulda killed Caleb had the people Gravesfield decided he (Caleb) was a witch and when belos had his beliefs challenged by his brother and the isles he decided to double down and kill his brother. But he also hurt Eda and King the two people (barring her mom and dad) that Luz cared most about. Plus you also have the personal betrayal in EWEW.

This ramble kinda stems from an inner debate about whether or not im gonna delete the Eclipse Fam AU cause when i was doing that, i started to get a grasp on my art style and where i wanted it to go as well as helping with art milestones like overcoming sketchbook fear and upping drawing stamina. As for Isles Escape AU, i dunno, i understand there is a nurture aspect to who Philip would grow up to be and the what-if Caleb pulled him outta the fucked up environment of gravesfields was an interesting brainworm. Finally the Swap AU was half of what it was in title what if Philip was in Luz’s place but also i don’t want to turn any of the main cast into belos cause wholeheartedly fuck that guy, drawing longing hair on boy is fun and awesome but I can just make an oc, i have a story on the back burner the needs a lot more designs.

[a-sketchy]

if i look at too many images of p3r i’ll get into persona again and idk if i can really manage that rn

[malikselfindulgence]

Thinking about Masha's tantrums and misery being exaggerated in Nareena's story so he can justify her death to himself . All of Masha's kindness being erased, all of what made her HER, her drawings and writing on whatever paper she could find and how she loved to braid the other girl's hair, how she loved to sew designs special for each of her sisters, how she treated Sokar like a sister too . None of this is mentioned in Nareena's story . Nareena tells herself Masha was doomed from the start, she was bound to get killed, if not now then later when she broke a rule too big to ignore. Tells herself Masha would've never made it out of here, tells herself Masha wouldn't have deserved it, that the gods would strike her down if she tried. Tells herself it was for the best

[enviedear]

hey Olivia talk about Jason and love letters pls

i can never say no to you, not like i'd say no to rambling about jason lmao!! link here to what inspired this <3

swing by my askbox 🧸���ི

basically, i think believe that jason would be not only the best at writing love letters but also the most genuine about it. to him, they come from a place of utter devotion. in my hc, i think he'd just really struggle with getting his words out. he hates the way they sound, that they never fully convey what he means, that he stops himself more than he allows himself to speak, and mostly, he cannot handle the pressure of a time constraint. even if someone were to give him all the time in the world to open up, his chest would still get tight and his throat would feel scratchy and raw. jason todd is a victim of analysis paralysis there i said it.

no—he NEEDS another outlet, another form of communication. so he writes. he always loved reading, annotating in the margins—now he does it to his own words. At first, he doesn't even count what he writes as love letters. he's not waxing poetry, he's just explaining his fucked up perspective because you deserve to know. you deserve to be privy to whatever's going on in his head. he fails (for a while) to understand that is love, the very crux of it. the devotion to spend his free time explaining what his mouth refuses to say is love in its purest form.

his words are sweet too, no matter what he's writing. he knows his audience, you. his letters always start the same, with the salutation of 'sweetheart' and an "i love you." sometimes, all that's written is a long run-on about how he feels, how overwhelmed he is. other times, it's reminders of how much you mean to him, how happy you make him. and of course, quotes.

i am a firm believer that jason todd quotes his favorite books (modern and classic) so you better assume he's throwing in quotes that remind him of you. things like "what does money matter? love is more than money." from dorian grey after you had confessed to feeling bad about him spending money on you, or "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." from emma after an argument rooted in his apprehension for sharing, and "I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes." makes a common appearance. you're unsure as to why he quotes shakespeare so much, especially that line—but he's not. he knows it's the truest cohesion of words he could possibly find to explain to you just how crucial you are to him. detrimental even.

but it's not always super intense—a lot of the times it's simple letters. letters hung up on the fridge, on the dryer, in your car, even scattered little love notes in your purse/wallet. things like, "washed your clothes. you really need new leggings, i put money on the counter." / "changed your oil. remind me again in six months. i love you." / "missed you this morning. i'm coming home with dinner, your favorite. i love you."

where other men fail to find a form of communication that works for them, jason todd exceeds. besides, he's seen death once and he's not meeting it again without you knowing just how much he absolutely adores you. if he can't be here forever to give you the love he's practically overflowing with, at least the letters can outlive him. he'd like to be remembered that way—just by his saccharine sentiments for you

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐲 @ 𝐞𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 (𝐦𝐞)

[koji-haru]

Time Travel AU Part: 4

[Travelling via plane and train all the time has given me time to write some more. So here's the next part arriving a little early. Enjoy!]

Operation befriend Michael was going well. Whenever Lucifer and Lilith were busy romancing each other, Adam would often ‘stumble’ upon Michael where he would often ramble about his activities in the garden. This way, Adam learned some things about the angel.

If Adam was an obedient fool when he was first born in the garden, then Michael is on another level. The angel had ‘blind faith’ written all over him. He quite literally followed God's words to a T. The angel also liked to work, a lot. And if he wasn't working, then he'd be spending time perfecting his skills, as if they weren't perfect enough. But that didn't stop Adam from forcing the angel to take a break and spend time with him instead. All he had to do was insinuate that it was good work, to ensure proper care for God's most perfect creation. Just fulfilling another of God's plans.

Initially, Michael would offer to get either Lilith or Lucifer to accompany Adam instead. He was there to protect the garden from outside dangers, it was not his main purpose to deal with the going ons within the garden. However, as Adam kept on being left alone by the two, Michael was left having to pick up after Lucifer’s duties.

Eventually, Adam was able to see a little bit into the angel's truest self. Despite his seemingly hard and strict demeanour, and constant reminder that he was not, in fact, the primary carer of the garden, Michael seemed to really enjoy to just be in the garden and unwind a little. With just a bit of persistence from Adam, and he would teach and play board games all day long with Adam. On very rare occasions, it would be Michael who would ‘stumble’ across Adam, and he would just so happen to have a scroll with him, which Adam could use to practice reading and writing.

Adam was relaxing on his newly made hammock. Gently swinging back and forth as he played a soft tune with his guitar, Amora taking a nap not too far away from him, birds perched on nearby trees as they sang along to the tune.

“Adam.”

With a gush of wind, and flapping of his wings, Michael announced his presence.

“On your own again?”

Sure his tone sounded displeased, but Adam was sure he could a small upturn on the corner of his lips.

Adam sat up, placing the guitar on his lap before giving Michael a sweet smile as he waved at him.

“Michael!,” greeted Adam, before looking down, a sad smile on his lips. “I'm glad you're here again.”

“Yes, I happened to be patrolling this area.” Michael landed beside Adam, one hand outstretched as he handed him a wooden box with gold engravings. “Here. I had a spare one, so you can have this.”

Michael placed the box onto Adam’s hands. It had intricate golden engravings on its corners, its polished wooden check pattern felt smooth on Adam’s hands. Adam opened the small latch, revealing pieces meticulously designed: there were the Kings, Queens, Bishops, Towers, Knights, and the Pawns. A complete set. Alongside the chess pieces within the box were a few scrolls.

“They should be simple enough for you to practice on,” Michael gestured vaguely at the scrolls.

Adam smiled, “Michael, do you want to play chess with me?”

Chess was one of the activities he did with Michael. Honestly it was the perfect way to pass time with the angel. It kept his mind sharp, while simultaneously giving him some insight on how the angel thought. The few hours they would spend playing chess were enough for Adam to form a ‘bond’ with the angel. An added bonus was that Michael seemed to really enjoy teaching him chess, and well, if he could learn a few extra skills, then why not.

“Well, I have some time to spare,” Michael replied coolly. “Let's see if you improved.”

Despite his even tone and seemingly relaxed demeanour, Adam was sure the angel was pretty happy, maybe even a little excited. That spark in his eyes, hands behind his back, which he was sure were fiddling with his robes, and the subtle glow he was emitting. Yeah, Adam was sure he's at least got this angel on his side.

—-

“Checkmate.”

Michael moved his pawn on the board, securing his win. A few pieces laid on the grass on both sides of the board. Adam gave a small frown.

“Aw, how did I not see that?”

“You did very well. You almost beat me,” Michael let a small proud smile slip across his lips.

Yeah, pretty sure I'm winning THE game, though.

Adam gave himself an imaginary pat on the back. Of course he could do this, no doubt at all. He was the first man after all, God’s most perfect creation. And hell, if he really tried, he was pretty sure he could beat Michael at chess. Easy. Although, that might seem a bit odd, so maybe he would keep holding back for now. Yup.

Adam looked up to the sky. It was late in the afternoon, not yet dark, but late enough that the sun’s rays were not as warm as they were earlier in the day, and breeze were starting to cool. Contrary to his public image in his past life as a lazy angel who tried to get away from as much work as possible, Adam could actually get work done quite efficiently when he actually felt like it. He didn't spend all his time in Eden just lazing around and hanging out with Michael, Adam also managed to get Lilith and Lucifer’s routine. Well, they didn't have a routine per se, but they had habits, things they would often do at a specific time at a specific place. And this time seemed to be the correct time, and Adam just knew the place. The thing was, should he do it today? Maybe he should check up on them first to make sure. But then, Michael might leave soon, it was getting late…

Adam glanced at Michael. Why not. Today was a good day, might as well attempt to make it even better.

Adam put the pieces back onto its wooden container before getting up and offering his hand to Michael.

“Actually Michael, I wanted to show you something.”

—-

Lucifer and Lilith laid beside each other. Lilith snuggled closer to Lucifer, her head resting on his arm as Lucifer embraced her back, placing soft kisses all over her face. Both were basking in the afterglow of their recent activity.

It had been somewhat peaceful for the both of them lately. Adam seemed to appear less and less, and didn't seem to want anything to do with them, often finding an excuse to leave early. Lilith couldn't be happier, while Lucifer was a little worried. Humans were social creatures, surely Adam couldn't just be alone, and be alright. Michael also visited the garden more often, but he usually just did his patrolling and then left. At the start, he would find both Lilith and Lucifer and scold them for leaving Adam alone, but it seemed that the angel had either given up or grew tired of scolding them.

Lucifer looked at Lilith's face. He knew what they did was wrong. To deviate from God's plan. But Lilith was so beautiful. So inquisitive. She understood his yearning for freedom. She didn't deserve to be stuck in Eden and have her potential be limited. He needed to save her. However, the thought of Heaven's wrath stopped him in his thoughts. God and his siblings looking at him in disappointment and disgust. He was not ready to face that, he never would be. He looked back down at Lilith's peaceful face, and kissed the top of her head. How he wished they could just stay like this forever.

—-

“I haven't given it a name yet, it's something–”

Adam froze on his spot, eyes glued to the scene in front of him.

“Lilith, Lucifer what–”

Michael stood in front of Adam, all six wings flared out in an attempt to shield Adam from the scene in front of him. Although there really was no point, this wasn't Adam’s first betrayal, but it definitely was the most satisfying so far.

Lilith gasped, being suddenly woken up from her rest as Lucifer wrapped his arms and wings around her protectively, a defensive look pointed towards both Michael and Adam, like a cornered animal.

“Lucifer! How dare you..! I turn a blind eye to your reckless behaviour and you betray us like this!”

He pointed at Lilith, “You tempted and thus, tainted the first woman.”

“N-no! Lucifer did not tempt me! We love each other! I just can't be Adam,” Lilith defended Lucifer, fear and worry dripping from her voice.

Lucifer looked up from his position, eyes begging Michael. “Brother please…”

Michael looked down on both transgressors, his stance unabated.

“Sera will see to this.”

Part 3

Part 5

[katyahina]

Gascoigne's beast form stuff (ask reply)

@ anon I decided to respond in this blog instead of my personal/rambles one, hope this is ok!

(Model ripped by tokami-fuko on dA ( x ))

I think this is a fair suggestion that his transformation might go even further, especially considering the fact that he not only barely has any fur, but also his skin keeps its color! Beasthood has a consistent trend of making skin that unnatural grey color:

(LOVE that they bothered to give bestial hunter's normal form unnatural skin color too despite the fact that we can't see it in game! Sometimes their attention to detail is just.. something)

Amelia is probably the biggest pointer as we are clearly shown her human skin color on her hands in a cutscene.. In fact, arguably, Gascoigne is doing a bit better than average Huntsmen, or even better than the fellow Old Hunters (look at hostile Old Hunter mob and 'true' form of Bestial Hunter). He has been losing himself to the hunt and paranoia for a while now and finally lost it, but he doesn't have that much fur, his skin color didn't alter. (He also doesn't have horns unlike Cleric Beasts, Abhorrent Beasts and even Large Huntsmen, but these are not for all beasts so we don't have to count them!)

I think that Huntsmen are transforming gradually over time, consumed by blood and aggression, and their 'final' form is Scourge Beast type, when they become completely animalistic:

I think it is valid to believe that Gascoigne could transform even further, there are enough reasons to think so! He is still too humanoid, all things considered! I will just move onto my personal interpretation now!

The thing about Cleric Beast-leaning Gascoigne is a really great topic of discussion! He already was a 'Father' (as in, religious figure) in his homeland, so, a cleric! As for Yharnam life, not only he was with the Healing Church once and quit it, but also his transformation happens extremely abruptly, that we only saw with Amelia!

(Interviews: ( x ))

The thing about Cleric Beasts is that they're so horrible because they've been holding back for so long. I can imagine Gascoigne being the same, as someone struggling to hold back so much for his family. We just happen to meet him when he finally breaks, but the guy must have had a huge will power to last as much as he did. +Also, please correct me if this was debunked, but as someone who always uses hunter summons to examine their patterns I've noticed that Gascoigne is the only one who never even once uses Blood Vials? If this is intentional, it could be a further evidence of his self-restraint: avoiding consuming the blood being aware of its addicting properties!

But here is why personally I do not headcanon that Gascoigne could transform even further! Unlike average people that are turning gradually, with strongly self-restraining people whatever form they take when they finally break IS their inner beast, it its truest form! This IS already his "cleric beast" form.... And it is not all that big and scary or impressive, because HE didn't have as much evil to hold back as average clerics in Healing Church. One person's very worst won't be the same as another person's very worst, but I also think it psychologically "helped" him to waste some aggression in the hunt - something Laurence and Amelia didn't have!

He murdered and part of the dark urges would escape through it, but he did not hunt in the same unhinged way as Ludwig either, so he is not transforming into someone as big and scary as him. He is just helping people! Not to mention Viola helping him to calm down with the music box when he was forgetting himself in the hunt. Just the right balance between what impulses to restrain and what to unleash!

My personal headcanon is that he cut the ties with the Healing Church over its corruption and wish to self-isolate and abandon the hunt (with the exception of its own walls), leaving the citizens to fend for themselves and defaming Oedon Chapel to bury the "proper" hunt as a concept. He was a honest man with a sense of justice and could not stand resorting to safety and not doing anything to help... But he still had religious principles of self-restrain and patience internalized; if not Healing Church ones, then those of the Church in whatever country he came from! It is also why whereas I believe that Cheric Beast of the Bridge was a Healing Church hunter too, since he drops Sword Hunter badge, he certainly avoided the hunt except for maybe defending Amelia, and mostly participated indirectly as the commander. (Honorable mention: Henriett that did the same, because her clothes imitate Old Hunters' set and she is a summon against Healing Church bosses, but she has Church weapons).

_____________________

Thank you very much for an ask, it was interesting to think about and it helped me to shape my interpretation of the character better! He definitely has something in common with Cleric Beasts, but I just personally like to think that as a 'hold back and snap' kind of beast rather than 'gradually transforming' kind of beast, this IS his "worst"- Still very strong and fearsome, but far from how much evil the corrupt clerics held back! He is just a good boy!

[kryptoknight]

I D: a comic panel. the frame on the left shows a close up of clark holding his glasses as if his has just taken them off. on the right, a woman wearing a long pink coat stands behind clark and watches him walk away. Clark is wearing a black suit and tie with a white shirt. The woman says "Clark... you forgot your glasses." Clark replies "No, I didn't..." END I D.

reaching the batman/superman comics where Bruce is dead… I cant do this

[mumms-the-word]

Okay don’t come for me Halsin-enthusiasts and werebear truthers because like for the most part I agree with everything you say, and this is not one of my usual well-thought out deep dives, this is me rambling because I have questions BUT

One thing I love that hasn’t really been talked about (unless I missed it) is how good Halsin is with kids and how that’s distinctly NOT a male bear trait? Like, actually, Halsin deciding to adopt 30 kids actually kind of goes against what he says is his well-defined and very established nature. It’s very un-bear-like of him to want to raise kiddos

I mean maybe it’s a female bear trait but like hear me out

Male bears tend to mate with female bears and then leave. In some rare cases they will outright attack and kill cubs to mate with female bears (but this doesn’t happen often because mama bears WILL fight you and male bears aren’t looking for a fight they’re looking for fun). But for the most part a male bear dips out after mating and does his own thing for several months until it’s mating season again and then he’s like “knock knock guess whose back again no I will not be paying child support”

So like

If Halsin is a werebear, do wearbears have different behaviors? If not wearbear, then what else is influencing this desire to build a big family and settle down?

Are Halsin’s affections for/talent for raising a whole gaggle of kiddos a wood elf thing, a Druid thing, or something else?

I mean it could just be that this is an accidental overlooked thing despite that Halsin’s writer(s) are pretty intentional about writing him with a lot of “haha what a bear thing to do” traits (loving honey, etc) but we can probably headcanon our way into an explanation right

I’m only making a big deal out of this confusion in my mind because Halsin makes such a BIG DEAL about things being “in his nature” or “because of his nature” and so on. And obviously his nature is influenced by many things, not just his cave bear form, his identity as a druid, or him being a wood elf. I just think it’s interesting that for all his talk about stuff being “in his nature” and insinuating that at 350 he’s kind of established everything he likes and dislikes, that maybe he forgets he’s still capable of growth and change

On the same note, I find it so interesting that when you romance him he’s specifically like “the wolf mates for life, but the bear roams free and partners as its instinct dictates. I need to stay true to my nature and you to yours.” I mean, he’s being a bit reductive about wolves and bears alike here, but my point is that he’s constructing his polyamory as a bear-like behavior instead of being like “I was raised this way” as a wood elf, because wood elves are super poly too and that could have easily been the reference he went with

If I recall, his preference for roaming is also considered a bear-like behavior? In the dryad love test, the question “When is he most comfortable” has two correct answers: when he’s in the form of a bear, clad in nothing but fur (he says that’s a fair assumption but not the truest answer) OR saying that comfort doesn’t come naturally because he’s always restless and roaming (he approves of this answer more and says “Comfort is for the farm animal, snug in its pen.”). Roaming is…well a trait for any wild animal, but could be coded to a male bear specifically I guess…but anyway at the very least he makes this connection to being like a roaming wild animals over a settled domestic animal

So we have a Halsin who admits that roaming and avoiding comfort are things that are true to his nature…and yet he decides he’s going to build a community/commune out in the ruins of Thaniel’s lands and raise like 30 kids on his own/semi-communally. Which is not really a bear or wood elf thing to do (if we’re being super reductive about bears and wood elves, neither of which are monoliths, and also I could be wrong about wood elves because I can’t find much about their familial structures)

I’m not saying it’s inconsistent—because it’s not inconsistent to Halsin’s overall character. The minute I heard Halsin say that was his plan I was like “this is absolutely something you would do you great mad bear take me with you” (and then I was upset when I couldn’t go with him because it was patch 3 days and I was SAD). Like if you listen to him talk enough in Act 3, especially after visiting Jaheira’s house, that man has wanted a family for forever, and he has a big heart for refugees, the displaced, and children in particular

So, speculation, I think Halsin choosing to build a community and go from 0-100 on the family-building process is actually indicative of him realizing that now that he’s not an archdruid, and now that the shadow curse is fixed, he can remake himself into something of HIS choosing. Something that isn’t “dictated by nature” but aligns with his desires and motivations as a complex person. He says comfort is for the farm animal, but he builds a home in nature where his children will be safe and comfortable. He’s not making them a big nomadic tribe, they’re all in one safe space together. That could be seen as contradictory, but instead I think it just shows that he’s still a malleable person who needs a minute to grow into the idea that he can now be whatever he wants

And he chooses to be Daddy Halsin. He doesn’t even wait to see if his romanced partner (if he has one) is coming with him on this sudden about-face venture. He’s like “I’ve got nine wagons of kids who are already calling me Daddy and we’re leaving in two hours” like this dream is SO IMPORTANT for him. It overdrives nature and druidic duty and everything else. It very nearly overrides his love for his romanced partner

I mean it did kind of override it in earlier patches but the epilogue now lets us join him and patch 6 now let’s us openly be like “Halsin you ass I’m coming with you” when I say I slammed that button so hard let me TELL YOU but anyway his romance is not really going to influence his dream of having a family. He’s gonna raise those kids whether his current romantic partner there or not (but he will be disappointed and sad about his partner not joining him tho because obviously that stings)

Anyway I’m just rambling at this point. My question is this: do you think that Halsin’s desire for kids comes from a specific “part of his nature” (bear, werebear, druid, wood elf) or does it come from some other part of him as a person, or do you think it’s a moment where he realizes he can just decide things for himself and that he doesn’t always have to let nature dictate who he is?

Thoughts??

If you made it this far congrats you get a Golden Halsin :’)

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 2

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: descriptions of past toxic relationship/cheating; consumption of alcohol; anxiety; mentions of sex/sexual situations; Jake being an asshole; Reader takes an extra Melatonin (doctor's advice)

Chapter Word Count: 8.1k

Covet Masterlist

a/n: wooohooo! we have come to chapter 2! 

please forgive me for how long this took to be posted. i am a school teacher, and the end of year is the most hectic. 🫠 so, busyness combined with my need to make sure i personally feel good enough with a chapter to post it. . . it’s not a good combo. lmao although, summer is right around the corner! and i promise when it comes, covet will get much more of my attention!! 

reminder that this is a ~slow burn~ in its truest form. 

i <3 and appreciate you all!! i truly can’t say thank you enough for the support and kind words (it means so much, esp w/ this being my first gvf fic). i love hearing feedback from each and every one of you!! 

alright, i will be done w/ my rambling. i apologize on behalf of myself. lol

hope you enjoy, my loves. 

Disclaimer: this is absolutely, undoubtedly 110% a work of fiction. i do not claim to know greta van fleet. i do not claim that any of this actually occurred. again, this is a complete work of fiction. And, please, DO NOT steal this work, as it is 110% mine. plagiarism isillegal. and, as our friend google puts it, plagiarism is “illegal if it infringes an author's intellectual property rights.” and, being these words/ideas are my intellectual property rights. . .don’t take them. legal action will be taken if you take credit for any of my work.

-🌼🌼🌼 -

Chapter 2

The first month of living with Jake went about as smoothly as one would expect. 

His first full day in the apartment, you’d woken up, ready to be nice. Really. You’d tried your hardest to forget about how he’d acted when he had made his grand entrance. 

But he wasn’t giving up on his act. 

When you’d been standing at the coffee maker in the kitchen that first morning, loading your K-Cup, he’d stopped at the counter. You didn’t know what for, but when you noticed him there, you had tried to start a conversation. Some meaningless small talk to try and break the ice he’d created. 

And his only response? A barely audible hum. 

You did give him credit for glancing up to at least acknowledge your presence. Although, that’s the bare minimum of basic human decency. So, you didn’t give him much credit. 

But, that had been it. And then, he’d left for the day. 

It had instantly caused you to be pissed at everything. Including the coffee maker’s little unnecessary spurts as it poured coffee into your mug. 

Every day since then had gone about the same, sometimes with even less interaction than that. And to you, the lack of desire to even try to associate with you was offensive. 

After all, you were the person who had literally given him a place to live.

To make things worse, he was that kind of asshole that you couldn’t seem to get out of your head. It really just confirmed how truly repulsive he was.

You had gotten an idea midway through that first month to begin compiling a list of apartment rules. 

Initially, it had seemed pointless. Then, you reminded yourself that you were worth better treatment. You knew you deserved for Jake to show at least a sliver of respect towards you in your home.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You decided to tell Josh of the rules you’d crafted. 

“I will be very honest, I really don’t know how well those will go over, Y/N.”

He was giving you a look that instantly made you go into defense mode. 

“Joshua. It’s been a month,” you matched his look with one of your own. You wanted your point to be known. You were going to make damn sure that Josh understood why you wanted to do this. “Josh, he still barely even looks at me. I think rules would give us some sort of common ground. And it would force him to show the place—and me—some respect.”

“Jake has never been one to want to follow the rules — do what he’s told,” he scratched the buzzed side of his head, right above his ear. 

You stood with a hand on your waist, right under your thrifted crop top. You eyed him, making sure he knew he needed to elaborate. 

You didn’t know much at all about your roommate. 

You’d been waiting for Josh to share more, but he didn’t share much. He claimed that it wasn’t his place. You were desperate though. All you knew about Jake was that he was your best friend’s twin, what his record choices were, that he had been in an apparently crappy relationship, and the fact that he was an ungrateful asshole. 

Josh relented slightly. “I’ll tell you this story because it involves me as well. And we were so young,” he leaned with his back against the checkout counter, facing away from customers. “When we were in our freshman year of high school, he played soccer while I participated in theatre. He enjoyed it and he was actually quite good at it, you know,” Josh smiled, obviously replaying memories. “But, high school classes grew increasingly harder. We both struggled, honestly. We love to learn more. . . I mean, you know this about me. He’s the same way. But we really only enjoy doing it most when it concerns the subjects for which we’re passionate. 

So, high school work being less than interesting to us both, our grades dropped. Big time,” his eyes widened, once again reliving it all. At this point, he was staring into space to tell the story. “Our parents and teachers came down on us hard. They told us we would be kicked out of our extracurricular activities if we didn’t raise our grades.”

You shook your head, looking around the store. A couple of regulars were perusing. You knew them well enough to know it would be awhile until they were done. “I know exactly where this is going.”

You both made eye contact then, and as he looked your way, he gave a little closed-mouth grin that made his eyes crinkle. “Yeah? Guess.”

You smirked at your friend. “You, being you, were determined to show that you had what it took to make the grade. You cared enough about theatre to continue it,” he nodded at your words. “And, in the time I’ve known you, you’ve never been one to say no to a challenge. It’s why we are friends. I love a good challenge.”

He made a noise of agreeance. Then, his eyebrows raised and his lips turned down. The look he gave you told you he was impressed. “You know me well,” he continued. “Now, how well do you know your roommate?” 

You scoffed. “As you know, not fucking well. But I know he couldn’t give two shits about what others think of him,” you pointed to yourself. “I’m a shining example. So, —.”

“Essentially, he said ‘fuck it’ and just decided to continue on with what he had been doing in his classes, which was jack shit,” Josh had finished for you, wanting to complete the story he’d begun.

“How did he even pass high school?”

He gave you a deadpan stare and raised his  eyebrows. You rolled your eyes. At the same time, you both said:

“Girls.”

You rolled your eyes even harder this time. “Good God.”

Josh nodded, lips turned down, his eyes still held a little glint. “Yup. Get my point now?”

“Yeah, but like I just said, I’m not one to turn down a challenge. Just like you, Josh,” you smiled at a customer who was finally walking up to the counter, a few records in hand. “And your brother. . .I’ve learned he is nothing if not a challenge.” 

He nodded, he knew you were right. And he’d known you long enough to know that you did indeed enjoy overcoming any problem life may hand you.

In this instance, you hoped he understood your current challenge/problem was Jake.

And you needed to know how to fix it. Josh was your only source. You just had to get him to break for more information. 

Again, you really liked a good challenge. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

The shift rolled on. The two of you had been working the closing shift that day. 

So, as the day shifted to evening, and with about an hour before the store closed up, you started nightly duties. Josh went about straightening vinyls, fixed the ‘Featured’ wall (his favorite), and re-folded the shirts the store carried with the Black and Gold’s logo. 

Meanwhile, you swept and dusted the store. 

You hated to admit it. You really did. But you couldn’t help how the conversation from earlier had piqued your interest even more than before. 

You were now hooked. You wanted to learn more about your mysterious roommate. 

You debated how you were going to ask Josh for more information. What was a way you could ask that would convince him to tell you more about his twin? 

Ever since Jake had moved in, you’d tried so desperately to get information out of Josh. 

And he just refused to budge.

You were putting the broom away when you’d settled on how to ask him. 

You were going to be a jackass and use manipulation. 

You sucked, you knew this. You were just dying to know more about this person with whom you shared your home. And, to reiterate, it had been a damn month of knowing next to nothing about him. 

So, when you joined Josh behind the counter as he balanced the register, you were ready to play your hand. 

“Alright, so, Elsie still isn’t sure if she wants to be in your movie.” There it was. A complete lie using your sister— the one he was completely smitten with. In truth, Elsie had agreed on the spot. 

But, again, desperation had led you to this. 

You didn’t look up from your task of watering the plants that sat at the window. Just keep talking. “I have a proposition for you. You tell me more about Jake and I will convince her with everything I have to star in your film.”

You still didn’t look over to him. You were afraid of rejection. Then, you heard what seemed to be a sigh of defeat out of your best friend. You looked up to him, his eyes still reading uncertainty.

“Y/N,” he sighed. You knew he was about to say the same thing he had said for the past month. 

“I know, Josh. It’s not your story,” you moved forward to be standing right next to him. You balanced your elbow on the counter, you needed to say your piece—needed him to understand. You locked eyes with him, pleading. “Come on, Josh. I am desperate. He won’t offer anything up. He is silent. It’s been a month. He refuses to acknowledge my presence, hence me forcing him to notice me with the rules,” you paused, suddenly looking to the ground. You needed Josh to bend to your vulnerability. “But, I just need something else. You told me that one story earlier,” you urged. “Just something else small that might help me know him a bit better than I do now.”

You looked up. You were anticipating another rejection from him after you’d finished babbling. Though, his eyes seemed to open more at your apparent state of helplessness. 

He knew that it wasn’t fair what Jake was putting you through. He had to acknowledge that. You knew he felt most things with you. And you knew he was someone who had enough integrity to want to help you out. He knew this situation had been less than ideal.

He just had to loosen up on his stance of not wanting to tell his brother’s stories.

He released one more sigh. “Fine,” he looked you in the eyes. “And please try your hardest to get your sister convinced to star in my film. The role was created for her.”

You nodded. You looked to the ground once more at that last part. You felt guilty for using that little white lie. “You’ve got it.”

“Y/N.”

You looked up to him after he’d spoken your name in a tone that was much more serious than his usual. 

His brown irises were intent as he spoke. “You have to know I’m breaking a big rule of mine,” he continued. “I don’t like speaking to stories that belong to other people. Our experiences are unique to us. They deserve to be told by those to whom they happened.” 

You nodded. You understood his point. You totally knew why he felt the way he did. 

“Josh, you can just tell me childhood stories that involve both of you,” you grabbed his arm. You needed him to know you were being genuine. “I don’t want to make you betray your principles.”

He patted the hand you’d placed on his arm. “I appreciate that, Y/N,” he cleared his throat. “I just think you need to know some of the—,” he spread his hands out to emphasize, then clapped them back together. “The bigger pieces of him. At the moment, he won’t let himself show you who he is. He really isn’t a bad person. He’s just been through a hell of a lot recently.” 

All you could do was nod your head once. There wasn’t much left for you to say. You would let the curly headed man begin when he was ready. 

He eyed the clock. You looked with him. Only thirty minutes to eight o’clock. 

You looked down to your palms, wiping them on your jeans. They were suddenly getting clammy at the prospect of what information could be hitting you within the next 30 minutes. 

“I’m going to begin by saying that as his five-minutes-older brother, I’m glad that Jake gets to finally live life for himself without having to worry about being hung up on a girl,” he looked to the two folded chairs that always sat behind the counter. “Let’s sit.” 

You followed him to the chairs. And as he sat in the right chair, you sat in the left. He looked into space, contemplating what to say next. 

“Jake is seriously going through something he has never experienced before. I mean, your significant other being unfaithful to you sucks anyhow. But she’s been all he’s known for so long. . . This is a complete life upheaval for him, of sorts,” he pauses. “He and this girl — they truly were together for a long time. What are he and I . . . 24 now?” 

You nodded.

“Well, they got together when we were juniors in high school. That would make this relationship about seven years old,” he sighed. “Long time to be together—and it began when they were really only kids.”

You nodded again, coaxing him on. 

“So, since they were together that long. . . there was a lot that happened between them in high school alone, but then you have post-high school when he set his life plan on the back burner for her. We had these plans — big ones. A dream we’d shared. All of us. Sammy and Danny included.”

You were wondering what the dream could have been. “What was the dream?”

Josh shook his head. “It was Jake’s first. We all followed along behind him,” he looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. “It wouldn’t be right for me to share.” 

You were left wondering at that, but you did understand why Josh didn’t want to share. There was honor in that. And he wouldn’t be Josh if he didn’t show his honor, especially by showing loyalty to those he loved. 

“So, his dream. . .,” you exaggerated the word by using your hands as jazz hands. “It went down the tubes?”

Josh gave you a look. It was a look that told you to take a step back and try to understand. 

You relented. 

You knew it was only right to put your grumpiness with Jake aside for this story. Josh was showing vulnerability on his brother’s behalf. Plus, you’d been the one to force Josh out of his moral values to divulge Jake things. It wasn’t right to act anything but respectful to these tellings of Jake. For Josh’s sake alone.

And you’d be lying if you said you weren’t dying to hear more. Learning of Jake’s past was like satisfying this raging itch.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was quiet. 

The edges of Josh’s eyes wrinkled as he gave you a reassuring grin. “It’s okay,” he patted your knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I know why you’re blunt about him. I know the man’s entire range of emotions. He acts like a child when he— when his emotions are so big and bad.”

“And right now,” you started. Your heart was growing slightly soft. “He is feeling the most emotions.”

Josh shook his head to agree. “Though, this girl was always a pill,” he rolled his eyes. “I liked her a lot at first, truly. But she started flirting with me an awful lot to be dating my brother,” his body shook as if to shake the memory. “It’s honestly not a shock to me that their relationship ended the way it did.”

Though, as soon as the last words had left his mouth, he looked down to consider them. He was weighed down by an emotion he didn’t need to speak out loud for you to know. Guilt.

It was your turn to reach a hand over to touch his knee. You just sat your hand there and told him. “You cannot blame yourself for any of this.”

He continued looking down. “I should have talked to him about how she would make advances. . . To warn him. Maybe he would have never gone and he could have—.”

He placed a palm to his forehead, eyes closing. He was going to get lost in this thought if you didn’t stop him. 

“Josh, she was a terrible person all along,” you placed a hand on his back, rubbing his right shoulder blade. “Jake isn’t a stupid person. He can’t be. You aren’t. And he’s your twin brother. He could have noticed the signs if he wanted to. It was his responsibility to drop her when he had the chance,” you gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Before any of this happened. Apparently he just loved her too much to fully acknowledge what he needed to do.”

You gave him a couple of minutes to really think about that. Then, finally, he lifted his head. “He wouldn’t have listened to me anyways,” He had a gleam in his eye. “My brother is a stubborn asshole,” he chuckled a little. “If you haven’t noticed.”

You gave him a look that said ‘No? Really?’ That turned a few more giggles loose from his chest. 

He continued, letting his tone become serious again. “So, our senior year, Jake really started getting serious about his dream. We all made these real plans, but they were ruined,” he paused, his mouth becoming a straight line. He was remembering a moment that caused a particular annoyance. “That was until she brought up how she wanted him to move with her if she got accepted to this prestigious school in Illinois,” he cleared his throat. “It makes me angry that she asked, but I also get wanting to ask your serious significant other to move with you. It was different—more than that, though. 

Her selfishness was so prominent so often; I think that’s why her asking rubbed me so wrong then, and still does now. She knew if she asked, he’d go. He’d leave his own aspirations in the dust for her. She knew what he wanted—what he’d always wanted. But still, she deemed her choices, her career, more important.”

You nodded, completely seeing eye-to-eye with your best friend. “I think there’s this sense of justice in you for your brother that he hasn’t always seemed to have for himself.”

“Yes!” Josh’s expression was one of relief that you understood. “And the thing with Jake is

. . . He’s always—girls have—,” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “As soon as his hormones kicked in when we were younger, he started noticing girls. He indulged himself in all of that,” Josh lifted his eyebrows. “He really has a strong appreciation for women, I’ll say that.” 

You rolled your eyes, nodding and then crossing your arms, sitting back. Your stomach leaped in a way you chose to ignore at the mention of his appreciation for women. To you, it was ludicrous that he couldn’t appreciate you in some capacity. If he needed sex in order to appreciate a woman, you were not the one.

“A big piece of him changed when girls started becoming involved. He lost a piece of himself. It’s almost as though he didn’t see himself as worthy without one. And now—.”

“And that’s why it’s so hard for him right now,” you finished the statement, bringing yourself back. “He’s lost a sense of his identity. . .

having to find out who he is without a woman.” 

Josh clicked his tongue, a smirk showing with a dimple in his cheek. “Precisely. It’s been a while for him,” a little spark caught in his eye. “On the drive moving him here, I told him that he needs to take a fucking break from women until he starts understanding what it means to think of what he wants first,” he rubbed at his forehead. “I know it seems like a terrible thing for me to say, but I think it’s important for him to put himself first for once in his goddamned life. He deserves to know who he is without a woman claiming him as her own.”

“Because he is worth knowing himself for who he is,” you concluded.

“Aw, Y/N. . . You growing a soft spot for Jakey?” Josh smiled smugly at you.

You held eye contact with him for a few seconds and then laughed outright at his statement. “You’re funny,” you looked to the clock, realizing you were only a couple of minutes from closing. You got up from the foldable chair and went to grab your purse from a hook behind the desk.

Josh followed your lead, but stopped to look for his phone. He tapped at all of his pockets.  Then, coming up short, he looked around the register and the checkout counter. 

You helped him look. But, the sound of Gloria Gaynor belting that “she will survive” helped you locate it easier. You saw it light up, sitting atop a box of new records at the back of the shop. 

You groaned, already walking to get it for him.

“Josh, you have got to be better about keeping track of your phone.”

Josh tsked at you, “And you have got to be better about not bossing me around,” he turned off the lights around the register. “I refuse to be a slave to such a tiny device that doesn’t serve any purpose to my spiritual healing.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, though you knew he was right. As you approached his phone, you got one final glimpse at the caller ID picture. It had been a picture of Jake. 

Even though you had just taken a deep dive into Jake’s past and grown a tiny fraction of sympathy and understanding for him. . .his picture still made you want to punch things. 

As much as his recent past had sucked, he  treated you with such blatant disrespect for someone who had offered their home to him. 

When you traipsed back over to Josh, he was waiting for you at the door, hand already on the doorknob to leave. “Jake called you.”

Josh turned around. His back was facing you and a thumb pointed behind him. “Pocket,” he said.

You snickered a little bit and did as he told you. Josh was choosing you over his prick of a brother and, quite frankly, you were bursting at the seams. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You were not ready to go home to more awkwardness and Josh could tell as much, so he invited you to get a quick drink after work with him. 

He filled you in on everything else he deemed necessary as you drank a couple of margaritas on the rocks, him settling on just one Salty Dog.

Josh told a few finishing details about how much it had sucked to be separated from his womb mate for so many years.

“It honestly felt like I was cut off from him.”

Your heart hurt for him. “I’m glad he is nearer to you now,” you paused, curious. “Did he miss you that much too?”

Josh set a look on you, “Who was the first person he called after it happened? He was ready to be with me again,” he put a hand over his heart. “Came back to his understanding, sensitive twin . . . every moon needs its sun.”

You gave a conceding nod and shrug. “Fair,” you smiled. “You're obviously the sun.”

“Obviously,” he flashed a smile your way. “He might not admit it right now, but he was not at his happiest with her,” he stated. “As ironic or untrue it may seem with his moodiness, I think if he isn’t already, Jake is on his way to feeling the most free he has in a long time. I’m glad to have him back with me. Being away from each other wasn’t good for either of us.”

Your heart swelled for the tenderhearted man next to you. You watched as he looked off into space with what could only be described as a soft sort of pensiveness. You were happy for your friend, despite how Jake was acting or made you feel.

You felt your head get slightly light from the alcohol on an almost empty stomach from being at work nearly all day. You were still so curious, you wanted to know more.

“So, how did it happen?”

“Well, all I know is she was getting quite distant for a while, but Jacob thought she was only distracted by her job. Gave her the benefit of the doubt, let her do her thing and just followed along,” he gave you a look. “He did that much too often. My brother isn’t a puppy dog, but he followed her around like one,” Josh’s jaw clenched and he scratched at his bare chin. “One would say that he loved her. But as his twin, if my telepathic brain is worth anything, I believe that more than love, Jake shared so much with her when they were young that he felt obligated to follow her lead. . .no matter what.”

“And that makes you angry.”

“Oh, quite,” he continued, eyebrows bunched together. “The way he put it when he told me of the situation was that it was as though she was,” he held up air quotes. “‘Shooting the shit.’”

“Just told him like it was no big deal?” You shook your head. “That’s harsh.” 

“More than that, told him in a way that made it seem like she was already done. Essentially, his reaction meant nothing to her. She just needed to tell him in order to end things,” he continued. “She told him it had been going on for quite some time and that she didn’t think they could make it work after it all.”

“What did she do after she told him? What happened after?”

Alcohol was interacting with your senses. Otherwise, you wouldn’t show open curiosity like this. You were sure of it. 

“Well, she left,” He chewed his lip lightly. “Left Jake to deal with the aftermath — the knowledge of it all — by himself. She went to stay with a friend and he had exactly a week to get his shit together and move out. So, being the decent and thoughtful person he is,” you made a sound. Josh gave you a look. “He respected her wishes and got the hell out.”

You really had no words for the situation. It was horrid for Jake, you had to admit. You felt bad for him. You really did. Even though he pissed you off beyond belief, you still knew he was deserving of better than any of what she had put him through. 

You just wished he wouldn’t react in a way that made him become an utter jerk. Due to his attitude, you couldn’t claim that you knew the person who seemed so selfless and loving in Josh’s stories. 

The person you knew was the opposite of the one told in Josh’s tales. 

You only knew a self-centered jerk who held absolutely no respect for you in any way. 

You hated to admit to yourself just how much you wished to know the person Josh had told you about this evening. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

As Josh dropped you off at the stoop to your apartment that night, he shared with you an idea that had come to him. 

“This weekend. We need to do something this weekend.”

You quickly agreed, “Yes! I’d love to have a weekend that’s just us. . .like old times.”

“Actually,” he scuffed the bottom of his white sneaker against the stair step he stood on. He eyed you. “How about we involve Sammy and Danny?”

You could be okay with that. Then suddenly, your stomach flipped. “What about Jake?”

He met your eyes. “He would join. All of us. Game night.”

“Josh,” his name came out like a child’s whine. “Why?” 

He put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “It will be good for both of you. He’ll get to be around you with others and you’ll get to be around him while he’s with people he already knows and feels most comfortable with,” he squeezed lightly at your shoulder. “It will be great. He’ll come out of his shell, and surely he’ll act a little more like himself if he’s around myself and the other two.”

Your stomach rolled at the idea of actually spending any sort of time with Jake. 

Establishing rules? Sure, you could do that. It might take 10 minutes max. But an extended amount of time actually hanging out? 

You agreed to it before Josh left you that night, even though you had your hesitations. 

You wanted to bring some joy to the man that had been there for you through so much. You were also desperate to look like the bigger person in this situation. And, surely agreeing to this would make Josh see that you were trying when Jake wasn’t. 

You needed Josh to see the trueness of your heart in all of this, no matter how much bitterness his brother had caused you.

When you’d entered your home that evening, the lights had all been off. Jake’s door was closed. He was asleep. Thank God.

As you stood at the bathroom mirror taking off your makeup, you convinced yourself it would be fine. You could find positives. You’d hung out with the other three before. You all got along very well in a group setting and honestly always had a great time. That part would be all right.

You just had to convince yourself that Jake wouldn’t ruin it by simply being there with his persistent little dark cloud of distemper. 

By the time you tucked yourself under your covers, you decided no matter what, you would have a fun time. If only for the benefit of the other boys and yourself.

You were also determined to show the best parts of yourself to Jake. A darker part of you wanted him to feel slightly (very) guilty for how he’d been treating his simply incredible roommate. 

But before game night, you had to talk to him about your rules. You weren’t looking forward to him blowing you off. You had a terrible idea that would be the response you’d get to you speaking to him. 

But you still had to try.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You thought through the best time to go over the rules with him, and decided the day before your night with the guys was the best option.

Your mind had settled on Jake taking two possible routes with the conversation. You figured going over them on that Friday before would work for both of these possibilities. 

One possibility was that he would sulk and pout and react like an asshole, and doing it on Friday would give him an entire day to do so. The second option was that he could very possibly just straight up ignore you like he usually did. And, you thought it best to do it a day before he would be forced to associate with you. 

It also seemed fitting to do so on the day that marked almost an entire month of him living with you. You were only one day away from it having been a whole month of him sharing your home. What a perfect time to actually acknowledge and officially, really talk to you. 

Time for him to realize all you were was a super kind person. A person who offered him shelter when there was virtually nowhere else for him to go. 

He needed to respect you and your hospitality.

You had gotten used to him usually arriving home by six every night. So, you loomed in the living room until he got home around six that evening. 

And almost right at 6 o’clock, you heard his keys jingle in the lock. 

As soon as he walked in and saw you leaning against the couch, he stopped to stare at you. It was an awkward-ass stare that made you want to slap him right across the smooth skin of his tanned cheek. 

He was just infuriating. 

“Hey,” you started, trying to sound easygoing. You didn’t know why you were nervous, but you were. 

“Hi,” his response was spoken as a question. 

You knew that you standing there probably seemed extremely odd to the man.

You didn’t care if it made him feel uncomfortable. He deserved it after making you feel edgy for the last month in your own home.

He started to move on from you, already deciding to disregard you. 

“So,” you started, sticking to the assignment. And, surprisingly when you spoke, he stopped in his tracks. “I think I’ve decided it might be a good idea to make some apartment rules.”

With his back facing you, you saw him shake his head. His wavy locks caught the streams of the evening sun’s yellow glow, making the head shake that much more offensive. 

When he still didn’t turn around, you continued. “You can go change your clothes if you want,” you folded your arms tighter to your chest. “I’ll wait out here.”

He then turned, crossed back to the kitchen counter and dropped his keys in the key bowl you’d had since Elsie lived at the apartment. Then finally, he faced you. 

Your stomach did a little flip. Why were you nervous to establish these rules for your apartment? You just needed to get it over with. 

He raised his eyebrows and gave you a look that said ‘so?’ 

His face showed that he was already irritated. It was like the mere act of standing across from you was too much. Being forced to interact with you was a hassle. 

And instantly, you were irked. Could he be any more ridiculous? 

Admittedly, you were also already done with this talk. Screw him. You heatedly whipped your phone out of the back pocket of your jean shorts. You clicked through to your notes, where you’d started the rule list. 

You started with the most agreeable rules.

“The first rule: don’t go in each other’s rooms. I think that’s common sense, but just in case it needs to be stated,” you moved on. “Number two: if we buy food or drinks, they belong to us and only us. I was thinking we could even make two separate sides of the fridge. One side for yours and one for mine.”

You looked up when you heard him take a breath. You looked at him just in time to see him breathe out a tight-lipped sigh, a mocking smirk on his face as he bugged his eyes. 

You chose to ignore him, blatantly rolling your eyes and looked back to your phone. 

“Rule number three: do your own dishes and do your best to keep the sink empty. Rule number four: keep our common spaces clean. You know, kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom. . .clean up after yourself,” you glanced at him, seeing that he was looking into space, eyes still huge. His arms were crossed across his chest as yours had been. “Rule five: do your own laundry. And I think switching off every other day for whose laundry day it is would be a good idea. I get Monday, you get Tuesday, I get Wednesday. . .and so on.”

You paused, giving him room for notes if he had any. His face held a look you couldn’t quite read. 

“Any thoughts?” You questioned. 

He gave a little chuckle that seemed to mock the same air you’d just spoken the rules to. It was insulting. Still, you wanted to hear from him. So you waited. 

And after a solid two minutes of just standing there, he loudly exhaled. His hand combed through the front of his hair, pushing it back. His eyes blinked a couple of times afterwards. “You seem to have it all nailed down, roomie.”

“Well, thanks,” you hesitantly responded. You were pleased that he was okay with what you’d shared so far. But his mention of the nickname seemed more snarky than anything.

“No, I mean,” he cleared his throat, rubbing at his chin. “You’ve got it nailed down. Like, you left no room for any ‘notes.’”

You scoffed at the air quotes he gave the word. “I’ve hardly ‘nailed it down’,” you gave your own air quotes for his words. “These are just an outline of ideas I have.”

“Just keep going,” he sighed as though he was completely exasperated and tucked both hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I have a date in like an hour.”

“A date?” 

“And it’s your business how?”

“You just told me,” you argued. “That’s how.”

“Didn’t mean you could ask questions about it,” he bit back. “I was just telling you so you would know I don’t have time to just stand here and listen to you drag on about these ‘rules’.”

You shook your head, shocked at how rude a person could be. Completely in awe of the man, you decided you would continue. You were ready to be rid of him. 

“Fine,” you angrily pressed your phone back on. “Speaking of dates. . .Rule six: when you have a date over, please keep them out of the common areas and remember the walls are thin. . . In general, no especially loud music, no loud. . .,” you cleared your throat and your skin prickled with embarrassment. “. . .  anything else.”

“Oh,” he seemed interested. Figured. If it had to do with a woman, his interest was suddenly piqued. “That also applies to you and Josh, I assume?”

“What?!” You were suddenly very disturbed at that statement. “Josh and me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

He tilted his head down, his eyes sticking onto yours, hair falling to swing next to his face. “Seriously? You apparently know the walls are thin as shit. And our rooms are right next door, so I can hear the two of you stay up all hours of the night talking,” he looked to the side, his eyebrows raising. “Who knows what the hell else you both do after I fall asleep. You are both touchy as fuck with one another, so I’ll just let my mind wander with what happens behind closed doors.”

You started laughing hysterically at the whole statement Jake had just made. You couldn’t even gather your thoughts. Shocked was an understatement for how Jake’s assumptions left you feeling. 

“Are you kidding me?” You stepped towards him, pointing a finger in his direction. “Of course you would assume a friendship is more than what it actually is. Hopeless fuckin’ roma—.”

You stopped yourself. You had almost called him a hopeless romantic. How would you even begin to explain that you knew enough about him to call him that?

He took a step forward, his jaw clenched. He crossed his arms across his chest again. His chest seemed to continue to rise with his irritation. His fingers were digging into his biceps, clad in his light blue button-up.

“No, finish. Please.” 

Your blood pressure was rising, you felt your skin prickling with embarrassment and guilt. Your heart was racing. You shouldn’t have exploded and almost exposed what Josh had told you. You couldn’t betray Josh’s trust like that. You were being errant. You knew an anxiety attack was on the horizon if you didn’t stop soon. Betraying someone you love was known to bring you to tears quicker than almost anything else. 

You also couldn’t deny how bad you felt for referring to something that was probably still a sensitive topic to your roommate. As much as you despised him, you didn’t have to be so overtly uncool towards him in a hard time.

“Let’s just keep on with the rules,” you tried to calm yourself down. You didn’t need to have an anxiety attack in front of him. That was the last thing you needed. “Please?”

He seemed to catch on to your nerves. And luck seemed to be on your side with how he relented so quickly. He still seemed a little irked, but his eyes were softer than they were before.

“Go on.”

You breathed in and out once, then situated your nerves the best you could to finish. 

“I, um, I thought it would be cool to add a little something that would help keep us accountable for getting to know each other,” you didn’t want to meet his eyes, so you kept yours glued to the screen of your phone. “We both love music, so I was thinking. . .Rule seven: we switch off every other night and play a record on the record player. One of our own choosing. It would give us a good idea of who we’re living with.”

“Because the music we love really says so much about who we are,” he agreed honestly. 

You looked up after he’d spoken, and the look on his face as he looked down said he hadn’t meant to speak it out loud. His eyebrows knitted together like he had conflict within himself. He didn’t want you to know he thought similarly to you, you were sure of it. He’d let his precious little guard down the slightest, smallest bit. 

You couldn’t help it when a teeny-tiny grin landed on your lips. You shook it away before he could possibly see.

“Yep. Totally,” you said very quietly in response. But you knew he heard you when he blinked a couple times and then ran a hand through his hair, bringing his head back up in the process. 

He was making you feel very antsy, and his date would be here soon. So, you tried to finish quickly. 

“And finally, rule eight: we keep a work schedule posted to the fridge so we’re aware of when the other one will be at home. It will be helpful to know if the other one is at work; just in case of an emergency or anything, I thought it’d be helpful.”

You looked up as you finished, he was now leaning back against the kitchen counter. His amber-brown eyes stayed locked on yours earnestly for a bit. You felt your cheeks heat. Then he asked, “And you’re sure there’s not anything else?” 

You shook your head ‘no’.

His previously haughty tone was coming back when he spoke next. “How do you expect me to remember all of these things? And we'll post our schedules on the fridge?”

You couldn’t help it as your heart leapt the slightest bit. He still wasn’t completely rejecting any of the rules. In fact, unless he was somehow being sarcastic, he even wanted a way to remember them. 

“I—I’ll print it all out at work and put everything on the fridge,” you shoved your phone into your back pocket. “I’ll even include a place for our phone numbers, just in case we ever need those.” You added, "And we can just post our schedules when we get them every week."

He nodded once. He looked up at the ceiling then, obviously done with the conversation. You didn’t blame him. You really were too. 

You were suddenly longing for him to ignore you again. His presence was making you tense. You didn’t know how to act around him. You hadn’t had that problem with anyone for a long time. 

The last time was probably middle school when no one knew how to act around each other. 

But now as an adult woman? You hated that someone made you feel like this. 

And in your own home, no less.

He pushed off the counter and started to his room. Then, only steps from his room, he turned on his boot to face you, he held a look of blatant vexation. 

Ugh, what now? You thought.

“Do we really have to have our own sections for our food and drinks in the fridge? Why don’t we just put our initials on things that belong to us?” He reasoned. “I’ll even buy the damned Sharpie.”

You couldn’t find a way to dispute his suggestion in the moment. You could agree with that. “Yeah, sounds good. Good idea.”

He gave an almost-smile (couldn’t show too much cordiality), “I have a few of those every once in a while.” 

He then got a smug grin on his face, “Oh, and you might want to get some earplugs for tonight. . .paper thin walls and all that.”

“Jake,” you were stunned at the audacity. Your shoulders tightened up. “Seriously?”

He set his head back, raising his eyebrows up. A smirk raised his lips, “Nowhere on that rules list did you say I’m not allowed to bring women over. And I really can’t control whether or not I make them scream,” he set you with a stare, raising a brow. “And I’ve gotta say, that’s always been a pretty normal occurrence,” he paused. “And I most likely wouldn’t have been too keen on following a ‘no women’ rule anyway, so.”

“Asshole,” You scoffed, your thighs quivered. The disdain he caused you floated through your whole body. “A little full of yourself?”

“Alright then, don’t plug your ears,” his smirk only grew. “You’ll hear for yourself tonight. Post-breakup recovery fuck, y’know? Gotta get some of this lingering tension out of my system,” he shook his shoulders and arms out to emphasize his words.

Your skin grew angry goosebumps at the thought of everything he’d just said to you. You were amazed by him. Truly. 

Not in a good way. Not amazed in the sense he’d wanted you to be.

He turned on his heel to continue the walk to his room, and you just stood in your spot. Your bare toes dug into the carpet, waiting to hear his door click. 

Once finally alone, you let out a breath you’d apparently been holding. You shook your head at his repulsive words. You were utterly shocked that he would say any of that to you. What the heck? 

This interaction had shown you that it was obviously too much for him to be a pleasant human for an extended period of time.

And he had no issue making you feel completely on edge. 

Distasteful son of a bitch.

You wanted to go hide in your bedroom for the night. You didn’t want to chance running into him again.

You stomped to your room. You had had enough of Jake Kiszka for one night. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You downed the recommended 2-pill dose of melatonin that evening, but snuck in one extra with a giant swig of water. 

Jake had left about an hour prior and you’d be damned if he woke you up with any sex-related noises. 

You were ready to get some sleep anyway, completely tired after the stress you’d dealt with. Your doctor had suggested melatonin to induce necessary rest after any anxious episodes. 

You knew you were to blame for a part of the stress, sticking your foot in your mouth the way you had. But Jake was the main culprit of the stress.

And you were done with him ruling your emotions for the evening. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

And of course, the next morning, Jake was stuck in your head. 

You hated it. It wasn’t because you wanted him there. It was thanks to a ridiculous dream that had plagued you during the night.

Your sleep had graced you with a reminder of the moment you’d almost outed your knowledge of his past. But in the vision, you weren’t feeling the onslaught of nerves you’d originally felt in the moment anymore.

No, in this version of it, all you could focus on was the vision of his chest, how it had been heaving in the midst of his irritation.

And it wasn’t even a covered chest that haunted your dream. No, it was his chest that seemed to be persistently bare. The bronzed, silky-smooth chest you’d seen one too many times in the month he’d lived with you. 

You couldn’t understand how he was 24 years old and still didn’t know how to button his shirts past two buttons. It maddened you that he didn’t know how to button his entire shirt. His toned light brown, sun-kissed chest was distracting in a way you wished it wasn’t.

All you wanted was to escape your roommate. And now he was literally haunting your dreams. 

You had chosen to deny how you’d woken up with sweat on your forehead, hair stuck to your equally sweaty face. You weren’t going to let him have that control over you. Not even in your dreams.

And now, you were completely dreading spending the evening with him in any capacity. 

You just hoped Josh came armed with damn good booze for game night. You desperately needed to get out of your head.

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: next chapter is game night! we’ll finally get introduced to sammy and danny <3

there is sooo much to come. i can’t wait to share more with you all. like i’ve previously mentioned, their story is quite the rollercoaster. our beloved roomies are both very stubborn . . . it’ll make for a grand ‘ol time! lmao

i hope you enjoyed!! plz message me & let me know what you thought! hearing from you guys is just so wonderful! let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future chapters!! <3

taglist:

@joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @jaketlover, @writingcold, @jessicafg03, @gretavangroove, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @reesetrippingthelight, @lallisonl, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @Fretaganvleet, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @whollyfreeamongstthestars, @llightmyllovee, @sacredjake (even if it seemed to refuse to tag, i still tried - ugh! i apologize for any weirdness of the tagging. if i missed you, please let me know! i think i included everyone, but it's def possible i accidentally left someone out.)

[nyanbinary-87]

ITS HER DAY!! ITS TUTUS 22ND ANNIVERSARY!! WHICH MEANS ODETTE ON MAIN!! please tell me u love her bc i love her and i would love to ramble abt her to anyone who asks.

Odette, despite not being canon, is near and dear to my heart. She is, in essence, if Tutu being within/part of a heart shard had meant Siegfried was transgender. She is the show's potential truest form of swan princess, hence the name. This art was one i made to practice drawing her full design created by my brother (gris_bear on instagram), as well as to see her in the classic Tutu Pose shown below. Despite it being a simple traced sketch with a few design element changes, I was rather proud of how it came out, and decided to color and post it for the anniversary.

Most of my Odette art exists on my Artfight, nyanbinary87, at the moment, though I do have an art of her as well as some of the initial thoughts that sparked her on my alt, @nyatbinary-81. So go check those out for more of her, including thoughts on how she changes the narrative between Tutu and Mytho, initial thoughts via an ask response which actually helped spark Odette, and even a fic written by my best friend!

[wlwshipper]

Your post about Lydia and Cynthia's first kiss is so true. I'd also like to add that when you incorporate the text of merely players into it, the theory expands, because I think the song is "happening" to both of them it's not just something in Cynthias mind, and it points to Lydia already knowing she likes girls. Because Cynthia is basically saying, I always thought real life would pale to imagination, because I'm living in a world that makes me feel like I have to go against my instincts, but these feelings don't fit in that scenario "Spotlights reflecting on my eyes" (I haven't learned to not look direcly in them yet because I'm inexperienced with these feelings). and she thinks this is acting, right, so how can this feel better than real life and my imagination, because this isnt real, right? And that idea contrasts directly in what Lydia answers, because when her part comes in "I know just how you're feeling, I've had this dream before, had it every night of my life" she is basically saying like *I know and I understand* and she continues "underneath the light you can find your truest form" (I have experience in that spotlight you're in now, I know what these realisations feel like) And I think the line "but playing's real when you commit to danger" means like, letting yourself feel this is scary, which also ties to Lydia trying to hold on to the "pretending" "practicing" and "its 90 minutes and then it's over" of it all like, I'm keeping myself at a distance from this, because I was pouring myself into theatre as an escapism, and usually acting didn't feel real because it wasn't, and now it is (but I dont want to think about that because I dont want to get hurt) "there is so much honesty in the lie"

so Cynthia is holding on to the "acting feels way more real than anything else" while Lydia is holding on to the "If I pretend its just acting I won't get hurt". "So that is acting" - "Yeah" "It felt so real"

And I think these things factor into why Cynthia was so upset nearing the end of rehearsals because she was like, if it's fake what is the point of letting myself feel these things, if I have to let go of it after. But before and during their first "real" kiss she notices like oh wait it's real, and it's real for you too (you're scared), and the realisation that it's real, and it exists outside of acting, is even more scary, so she violently tries to throw herself in the closet again for her version of denial that it's real. (sorry for the rambling I just had some thoughts)

Omg, yes! Thank you so much for sharing this.

[arcane-abomination]

Rambling on Darkness

Darkness is the finite truth of the universe. Its expanse is vast in comparison to the light. Reaching across great distances to encompass all space that it can, and will ever be perceived. Light in return treads softly through it. Forming minute spaces of exuberance and shimmer but never anything that holds measure to the magnitude darkness overtakes. Darkness, in all its glory reaches deep into all things. It seeps into every tight crevice in ways light can not, and nestles down into the restless core of being. It’s that which is hidden in plain site, the emissary and the guardian all in one.

It’s as relentless as the tide overtaking the shore, and as gentle as a shadow cascading over the floor. As quiet as the snow and as loud as the rage of a storm. It is the place of our beginning as well as our inevitable end. Darkness is the true nature of existence yet we scramble for the light like moths to a flame. Afraid of its impending dominance, we climb higher seeking more light only to eventually find ourselves incased in that which we’ve spent to long running from. Only now do we feel its true nature…its purpose. It calms and satiates our being, as the end comes into view. We stop running now and lay down in acceptance and reprieve.

Why do we deny this nature until theirs no where left to run, no more time to spend? The truth of the darkness and the unseen is unyielding yet we continue to turn away, force-feeding ourselves the comfortable lies to cope. It’s because it’s easier to shape our solidity in the light. To broadcast those lies in full view while we keep the truth tucked away in the shadows. We fool ourselves and dilute the true meanings, content within our unchanging visibility. But we forget the importance of being seen. The lesson that visibility teaches us. Light only has power because darkness exists. Without that which we deny, light would have no meaning…no lies or truth. It would be nothing. Darkness defines light, makes its worth, and entertains its existence within the wide expanse of everything. It overpowers and consumes the light when necessary and lets it shine in convenience.

Addressing the energies of both can bring balance. Both are found in all things, however, Darkness plays the orchestra while light plays a singular band. And when that truth is realized darkness makes a much more formidable concoction of sound. Overpowering to the senses and undeniable in its magnifying echo.

Let us return to the truest nature. To accept the unseen and the fluidity of realities beyond the physical realm. Escape the cage of light and dance freely within the darkness.

[merryfortune]

the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

AiYusa Month 2024 | May 26th-June 1st | Week Three

Prompts: One Last Word | “If I don’t say this, I’d die.”

Title: the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Ship: Aiballshipping | Ai/Yusaku

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,540

Tags: Truth Serum, Happy Ending

Day 1. Hour 0.

   “Whoa, Ai, are you okay?” Playmaker asked, he had barely skirted the danger but Ai had gallantly taken the worst of it, anything to protect his one true love.

   Or so he had claimed - and crooned - as the shower of arrows rained down on him.

   The effects of the trap that had been triggered faded. The arrows had been made of light: bright white and soft cyan. The cascading weapons had rained down on Ai and he took them valiantly, with muted and occasional grunts.

   So long as his partner Playmaker was safe, yeah?

   Ai laughed as he turned around, twisting like taffy as he came down closer to 

Playmaker. 

   “Never better.” he cheerfully exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

   Already the animated effects of the triggered trap had begun to fade. Its not like Ai looked like a bright and shiny pincushion anymore, just his regular old self. Even so, Playmaker’s brow formed a frown as he examined Ai as best as he could. He gave him a poke and a prod.

   “You sure?” he asked, to be extremely certain.

   “Yes, yes, would I lie to you?” Ai asked.

   Playmaker was quiet. The answer to that was yes, Ai, you would.

   His icy silence made Ai chuckle sheepishly, shrinking in on himself, “Gee, tough crowd.”

   “Alright. I believe you but that’s enough exploring for today. I think we’ve found ourselves in enough trouble today as is.” Playmaker decided.

   “Too true!” Ai cooed and that was that.

   They logged out with little fanfare and little funny business. Kusanagi couldn’t agree more, putting one foot wrong on even the most minor of missions would have unsettled anyone as a thing of more to go wrong. He dismissed them both from Link VRAINS duty as well from hot dog van duties, they may as well have the rest of the afternoon off.

   If only it were so simple.

Day 1. Hour 6.

   Nothing really went awry in Yusaku’s eyes until several hours later when he realised he had quite the mundane conundrum on his hands.

   “What should I have for dinner tonight?” Yusaku asked as he stared down his truest, most longest-time enemy: the sparse insides of a dingy refrigerator. He sighed, “Am I even that hungry…?”

   “What does it matter?” Ai asked, “It’s not like you’ll choose something actually good for your meat bag body or your bank account.”

   “Hey.” Yusaku grouched. He closed the refrigerator with a slam.

   That was… a little mean. Which is fine. Ai was mean sometimes. Heck, he was mean sometimes. Sometimes they were even mean to each other but in this particular instance, it felt more than a little uncalled for. They’d had a big day but was it really so big as to demand a short fuse? 

   Yusaku’s brows furrowed and Ai yipped. He put his hands in front of his face and began to panic.

   “Sorry. I said that without thinking.” Ai apologised.

   “That’s okay, that was gonna be my guess.” Yusaku murmured.

   “Like, it’s just.” Ai stammered. “I care about you. You're my partner! I want to see you take better care of your body. You're not immortal. Like please. Eat a vegetable, any vegetable. Maybe drink some milk for your bones or something, please!”

   His ramblings came across as sweet even if it didn’t go beyond a fond look on Yusaku’s face.

   “Thanks, Ai.” he said. “Let’s go to the convenience store, make some veggie onigiri or something.”

   “That’s better than nothing, I guess.” Ai replied.

   Yusaku hummed but kept this spat in the back of his head. There was just something ever so subtly off about it. It stuck out to him as he collected his wallet and a reusable bag so the two of them could hit the nearest convenience store real quick so he could buy things to make dinner for tonight and things for the next couple of days. He did have school tomorrow.

   And oh boy.

   School.

Day 2. Hour 33

   Thanks to Yusaku going MIA for three months last year, and not having his head in the game academically at all thanks to his activities as an underground hero in the Link VRAINS, he had a lot to catch up on this year and was being made to repeat. That meant Aoi and Naoki were now in the year above him and the peers who were once in the year below him ostracised him worse than his previous classmates but honestly. That was a bonus to Yusaku. No distractions, no nothing. He didn’t mind being the class pariah.

   But even he still had some vain semblance of dignity here and there.

   Dignity Ai was, apparently, in no hurry to preserve.

   They had come to an agreement. Call it love, call it codependence, call it whatever but where Yusaku went, Ai went too and given he was an Ignis, he could go easily under the radar so long as he kept his trap shut.

   If only it were that simple and so far this year, it had actually. Until now.

   It was no secret that Yusaku was the odd one out in his new class. He was slightly older, had a weird aura and an even weirder reputation but he was there. He did his best to stick to the status quo despite very much sticking out as the sore thumb of the group. Yusaku didn’t care either way.

   Not even when his ears (and, heaven forbid, Ai’s) caught whispers of his classmates spreading rumours or gossip. Their words, under their breath or under their desks, were probably meant to be malicious but it didn’t phase Yusaku that much. He had had several years of practice by now to perfect the art of the aloof teenage boy’s nonchalance.

   He didn’t even care if it was the teacher at the front of the classroom who was the one passing on such utterances either.

   Since it was still the beginning of the year, Yusaku didn’t feel an intense urge to study or even focus in class. Maybe he should but it was quite whatever with him. He still had recollection from last year so he just wanted to cruise on through to the last term on a bludge. His teacher didn’t appreciate such a lazy approach, however.

   Yusaku was, admittedly, staring out the window in the most blatant manner possible. He had his chin propped up on his fit, his elbow dug into his desk and his face was pointed out the left of him. He watched as the world idly existed outside his classroom. Birds flitted about trees, ants and salarymen alike scurried around, it was pleasant.

   Until it wasn’t.

   His teacher harrumphed, “Interrupting your daydreams, am I?”

   “Huh?” Yusaku’s eyelashes fluttered as he focused his eyes again, his reverie broken.

   Apparently the  answer to the teacher’s question was yes, but the answer to his other question was not silence either.

   “I said,” the teacher reiterated testily, “are you paying attention? Can you answer the question on the board?”

   Yusaku sheepishly recalibrated. He turned his head and began to frantically scan the board for the answer. This was maths, his strong suit! He should be fine just give him three seconds but his teacher had no interest in mercy. Students who displeased him were not students he showed sympathy to.

   “You may as well quit school at this point if you are going to sleep through it.” his teacher sneered.

   Yusaku fumed vehemently but bit his tongue.

   Ai, having no tongue to bite, didn’t hold back, however.

   “And what do you know, mister?!” Ai piped up. 

   His voice rang through the whole classroom, pausing all the usual clamour. The sound of clicky-clacky keys on tablets, hushed chatter, the sound of pages in books being flicked about. It all ceased eerily as the teacher tried to figure out who had sassed him.

   His face went pink with irritation - but Yusaku wasn’t doing much better. He knew whose voice that was, after all. And its a shame that that voice kept going, had much more to say.

   “Yusaku is the best! He’s smart and works hard, YOU need to provide actually mentally stimulating classes, I’d grade you as an F-minus teacher!” Ai yelled from hiding underneath Yusaku’s sleeve.

   “Are you mocking me, Fujiki-kun?” he snarled.

   “N-No, I have no idea who said that.” Yusaku said.

   “I will be seeing you for reprimand after school, Fujiki!” his teacher snapped.

   Yusaku nodded and clamped his hand over his wrist, as discreetly as he could, too. A reprimand after school, whilst humiliating and scathing, was not the worst thing in the world. He could cop that on the chin but he couldn’t cope with Ai. Not after this, anyway.

   What had gotten into Ai? When Yusaku thought about it, he could really only think of one thing…

   The blush to Yusaku’s face began to recede as he knuckled down in mathematics after this incident. But in the meantime, as he did his arithmetic, his skin crawled and his mind raced. They had talked about this. He and Ai had talked about this exact thing at length and how it was completely and utterly antithetical to the whole staying on the downlow about the existence of the Ignis. 

   Okay.

   Now it was official.

   Things were getting really weird.

   Anyone with eyes could see that there was something sketchy going on with Ai. Let alone Yusaku who spent basically every hour of every day with his partner. It had been bubbling under the surface ever since yesterday but there was just something spotty about Ai. Like he had been hooked up to a coffee machine and was now on the fritz from consuming too much caffeine. He was talking faster, twitching constantly.

   As soon as the class was dismissed for the first break of the day, Yusaku bolted. Since he had a hall pass of the five finger discount variety, he made his way to the most private place in the school: the rooftop. He bypassed its cybernetic security and closed the door behind him.

   All so he and Ai could try and figure things out because that little outburst from earlier crossed the line.

   It was getting on Yusaku’s nerves and of course, it was getting genuinely worrisome.

   “Are you sure you are okay?” Yusaku asked, much heavier in tone than how he had since what he was willing to believe was the precipitating incident from yesterday.

   “N-Never better, beloved.” Ai yapped in reply.

   Yusaku’s eyebrows twinged. He still couldn’t put his finger on it but he let it go for now. 

   He just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what Ai’s problem was beneath the surface of the excessive, frenetic energy he was bubbling with.

Day 3. Hour 72.

   And this energy was a problem.

   Whether Ai wanted to admit it or not.

   It was beginning to drive Yusaku up the wall.

   He had been doing his best to simply ignore it but it was becoming extraordinarily obviously clear that this wasn’t going to go away on its own. Ai was fast coming to that conclusion to as they butted heads together. Or ai tried to stop himself from opening his big mouth. Yusaku wanted to focus on the important things - school, his health, the Link VRAINS - and Ai acting on the fritz was incredibly counterintuitive from that and boxing themselves up in his apartment. Not the solution apparently.

   “I think you need some fresh air.” Yusaku suggested - and that was saying something since he, famously, did not touch grass and Ai didn’t even have lungs to breathe with but he still really needed something.

   It was clear by now - to both Yusaku and Ai - that whatever Ai was going through, it was coming to a head. The afternoon had been so stifling since Ai’s last outburst. It had kept him so embarrassed that they had given each other some space but even then.

   The aftermath was still apparent. Yusaku could hear Ai downstairs with Roboppy, they would bicker and make up and bicker again. Just like with him, really but Yusaku was finished with his homework and it was once again time for him to break fast with a homemade dinner. But first.

   He had to address the elephant in the room with Ai.

   Defeated, deflated, Ai nodded, “Yeah, let’s take a walk.”

   Yusaku agreed.

   Yusaku picked Ai up, Duel Disc and all, and walked him outside. He locked his apartment behind him and felt the chill of an early winter breeze. It was surprisingly crisp for being the inner city but Yusaku adjusted as he began to take his stroll to the park nearby.

   He kept his wrist down but he could all but feel Ai hunkered down in embarrassment until they found a little spot. It was quiet right now. Anyone who was out and about at this hour had likely already made their way home from work or to the nearest restaurant for a night out.

   The city was dim, lit by yellow windows and orange streetlights which seemed so distant as they were plotted along the concrete path that criss-crossed through the park. The green space was perfectly calculated from clipped grass to pruned trees evenly spaced along the path.

   “You ready?” Yusaku asked, his voice low as he stayed to the side of a tree, sitting down on a park bench.

   He heard a grunt and let Ai make his way up. He held his arm like a plank so he could give Ai some semblance of an equal platform. Ai rolled up and began to stretch. The nerves he gave were prickly as he jerked and warmed up to whatever it was he had on his chest until his eyes opened. The yellow of them gleamed with determination which cut through Yusaku’s expectation and was followed by a declaration.

   “If I don’t say this, I’d die.” Ai said. “I - I think, anyway.”

   Yusaku was… dubious to say the least but he could understand the severity and depth of Ai’s emotions, however. He had been in full view of them in the past seventy-two hours, after all. 

   Ai placed his hand, now balled up into a fist, in front of his chest. Where his heart would have been if he weren’t an android. Or an Ignis. He licked his lips and his voice box crackled.

   “I love you.” Ai confessed. “I mean it. From the very bottom of my soul.”

   “I know.” Yusaku replied, a hint of a smile. “I love you, too.”

   Ai blinked. He looked like a refrigerator on the fritz. He also looked like he was beginning to wind down from the virus that had kept him infected for the past seventy-two hours.

   “Is that… everything you wanted to say?” Yusaku asked.

   “I-I think so.” Ai said.

   Yusaku chuckled, “I’m glad you're more like yourself now. You had me worried there for a second.”

   He lifted his wrist closer to his face and let Ai hug him, nuzzling against him in a relieved kiss. The effects of the virus that Ai had clearly been suffering with already became a distant memory as they soaked up the calm that finally followed it.

[melit0n]

Hello my dear

Why do you like the Stephen Crane poem so much

🫂🫂🫂

Thank you for asking Kate <33

Overall, the poem takes to exploring the themes of isolation, existential contemplation, how self love improves love to others and the harshness of the natural world. When it comes to poetry, I'm a big fan of romantic poets (Walt Whitman, William Blake and Lord Byron) who tackle the power of humanity verses the power of nature. Crane does exactly this in In The Desert, but in a really self depricating way.

First off, desert symbolism! The desert serves as a metaphor for the harsh and barren aspects of life. It's a place of isolation and challenges, reflecting the difficulties and struggles individuals face in their existence. Therefore, the desert can be a metaphor for multiple things within context; depression, general self-isolation, a toxic relationship etc. In the desert, you don't really expect to meet anybody there, so, you act how you do when no one's watching; a time when a person is at their most vunerable, which links to why the creature is "naked". It represent vulnerability and or a state of raw, unguarded honesty. Stripped of societal constructs, the creature is exposed in its truest form. It is patient zero; Cain at ground level.

And then the heart. The heart is and will always be powerful symbol in literature, typically coming with a story of love. However! Crane does something different with it; his creature chews, bites and swallows it. The act of eating the heart symbolises someone confronting and consuming their own emotions or experiences; having The Human Experience.

Since the poem is in first person, it also puts the reader directly into it, meaning we are the ones to ask the creature if "it is good", addressing it like an old friend we haven't seen in a while. And the response we get is odd. You'd think a thing, hunched over in the sand eating its own heart would either be enjoying it to no extent or suffering, but the response is simply "bitter". The repeated emphasis on bitterness suggests a recognition of life's hardships and challenges. The creature acknowledges the bitterness of his own heart, and yet, there's a sense of acceptance or even appreciation for that bitterness. It's not enjoyment or absolute hatred; it's an acceptance.

Further, human flesh is known to have a bitter taste to it (along with the ever present taste of chicken/pig that seems to follow ever meat ever lmao), including the heart. Humans are typically hard-wired against canabalism (which, here, becomes self destruction. It takes a lot to push a human over the edge to start harming themselves deliberately) because it makes us ill to the point death is conceivable. The creature knows this, but accepts it.

Lastly, the creature takes ownership of his bitter heart, stating "But I like it / Beacuse it is bitter/ Because it is my heart." Now, the creature confirms enjoyment, and it signifies the acceptance of personal struggles and the acknowledgment that one's experiences, no matter how bitter, are an integral part of who they are.

When I talked about 'cannabalism as a metaphor for love' in my repost about this, I meant it for self-love, and how it's needed for things to get better.

Looking back on it all, I think, to actually answer your question Kate, is it reflects a lot of the stuff I struggle with internally. I find it hard to accept who and what I am and the anger I have towards myself, being pushed onto other people, which leaves me isolated; In The Desert. I have issues sometimes with seeing myself as human, so, unironically, I relate to the creature a lot. Plus, it's interesting that Crane decided that a good presentation for humanity is a naked creature, sat, completely vunerable, in the middle of an isolated desert.

(@moonchild-in-blue, thank you both for asking and letting me ramble. I'm sorry if this was boring, I don't get to do this very often <3)

[kiawren]

This is like. from a year ago (24/12/22) and it's unfinished LOL SORRY but since Arsene asked for it.. This is the flower shop au kiawren where wren is a florist..!! it's angst but not even a lot but also it's like angstiest that kiawren gets 💀 cuz they're such a fluffy couple. this is just like an au and not how we 'canonly' got together!! I just wanted to play around with flower language lol. and how I write kiawren has also changed since last year ok enough rambling. also sorry for the double line breaks I copy pasted it from my notes ok enjoy i guess. if you see this you should def write a flower language fic for ur selfship too🫡

It's valentine's day in alola. For a region that celebrates life and togetherness, this is a day that people here treasure as a way to celebrate and express all forms of love, not just romantic. Families and friends are not neglected on this day, and many give gifts to the ones close to them, like confectionaries and friendship bracelets. But of course, romantic love takes the spotlight on this day, and many loving couples can be seen on dates together on this day. Among the things that they exchange as a token of their love, flower bouquets are one of the most popular. And as a helper florist in my parentsʼ flower shop, I've seen all sorts of people in the shop today, looking for flowers for their love.

While my parents are busy with selling our flower bouquets and other proceedings, I help out with flower arranging. I've started learning flower language, and teach customers who to make their own bouquet. However, most people buy pre-made flowers bouquets, few would take the time to craft their own from scratch, especially on valentine's day itself, where they do not have the time of day for that. So, they settle with a complete bouquet already for sale, and after buying it, busy themselves with getting chocolates, or meeting up with their date.

It's a shame, though, I thought. Who wouldn't want a bouquet of flowers specially picked out to convey affection in the form truest to you and your lover? Many give and receive flowers with just the thought that they look pretty, but never really spare a second thought to the meanings behind the flowers.

Well, I would want to receive flowers specifically picked out for me. I think it would be incredibly thoughtful. But alas, the ones receiving flowers today would not be me. I don't have a date. I don't have a valentine. Though, I do have someone I wish would be mine...

"Ding!" I looked up from my daze and move my head away from its position on my palm to the direction of someone entering. The flower arranging station I sit at is at the back of the flower shop, away from the main area where the pre-made bouquets are. The back door to where I am is rarely used or even noticed, so only someone who had the intention of coming into the flower arranging station would come in through here.

"Hey, Wren!" a familiar voice called.

"Kiawe!" I lit up, a bright smile creeping onto my face as I greeted him. "What are you doing here?"

Kiawe... where do I start? He's my closest friend, but he's more than that to me. Over time, I found myself thinking of him so much, and everything reminded me of him, and I'd imagine us doing things together, and spending time together. I want to admit I have a crush on him, but what I feel is more than a fleeting infatuation. It's true that I'm still young and it seems like a 'first love' that is short-lived. But no, I don't feel that way. There's more to it, like, it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. That being next to Kiawe is meant to be. We started out as friends, but our bond has deepened a lot since then, and I love him in such a special way. More than friends, but less than lovers, because that's not what we are. I wonder if he feels even a little of that.

"Well...uh, I wanted to make a flower bouquet for someone."

"What?"

My heart sank. Did I hear that right? Make a bouquet... for someone... Kiawe wanted to gift someone flowers he picked out? Who... Who was he going to give the flowers too? Who–

"You can help me with that, right?" He asked, smiling gently. His eyes were bright and lively, but when you look at them, they seem to calm you. I love looking at his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. Of course I can!"

"Thank you, Wren." Kiawe takes a seat and looks at the flowers around the room.

"So, you have a valentine's?" I say.

"Yup, I do."

".......what are they like?"

"...where do I begin? They're so special. I don't know if these flowers can convey my confession well enough, but... knowing them, I know they'd love it anyway."

I stand up and turn to the racks of flowers behind me.

"Are you looking for any flowers in particular? Usually, flowers are arranged with their colours and species in mind so they don't clash, you know? If I just pick any to put together, it won't as good as the pre-made bouquets out there."

"I don't think they'd mind."

"Really? Actually, me neither. Although I'm a florist and I should arrange flowers in a way that looks appealing to sell, I think it doesn't matter if you're giving them sincerely. Even if they're mismatched, the meanings are still there. And you took the time to pick them out. They're just flowers. They're beautiful regardless."

Kiawe smiles softly. "Yeah, exactly. So, I'd like you to pick them based on the meanings. How it looks arranged at the end doesn't matter as much."

"Okay. So, you're making a confession... could you, well, describe your love for them that you wish to confess?"

"...they make me feel so happy, it feels like the sort of puppy love-"

"Like a childlike love? Like, it's not really deep, but it still feels like love and you feel so carefree?"

"Yeah! Like that. They make me feel that way. It's like pure joy, being with them. They remind me of so many cheerful things, and... they give me butterflies a lot."

"I've got the flower for you. Here, pink daisies. They symbolise a gentle and innocent affection, like the kind of love you described. I think it's perfect for a confession like yours."

Kiawe brushed his fingers across the daisies I set on the counter. "They're really pretty, Wren. Just like the person they're for."

"Really..?... Could you describe them?"

"No words can. Everytime I look at them, my heart stops for a moment. I'm filled with warmth and..."

He pauses and tries to find the words. I smile at him, silently telling him to take his time. He looks at me and smiles back.

"They have a wonderful smile. It's like sunshine, and it makes me feel at peace."

"A beautiful smile, huh? Yellow tulips symbolise that." I pick up some yellow tulips and place them on the counter.

"...and their eyes," kiawe starts after a beat of silence. I look at him, and we hold our gazes on each other. "Their eyes are really beautiful. It's like I can see the stars in them."

I break eye contact and turn to the variegated tulips.

"Here. These tulips mean beautiful eyes."

The tulips are yellow at the top with a red-orange towards the bottom. the colours meet at the middle in uneven streaks. Kiawe picks one up and twirls it in his fingers, quietly admiring it.

"You know," I say, leaning on the counter. "I didn't know you had.. I didn't know you had a person you're going to date or something."

"Why's that?"

"Because it seems you spend all your time with the friend group, or... with me. I didn't know there's anyone else"

"....."

"....or is your person from our friend group? Who is it? Lillie? Lana? Actually, it seems your description could fit any of them. They're all amazing people. I could see why you think of any of them that way."

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I shouldn't pry. This is none of my-!"

Kiawe laughs slightly. It comes out as a slight chuckle. It's a lovely sound.

"Do you want more clues?" Kiawe says.

"Okay..." my mood grew bitter and I felt a pang in my heart.

"Everything they do feels like a spark ignited in me. And over all the time I've spent with them, they've become a flame in my heart, and it keeps me feeling alive."

"..... I don't know. But anyway, it's really sweet they make you feel that way. A flame in your heart?"

"Yeah, one that burns really bright and keeps me going."

"There's a flower for that." there's a section of lovely cammelias and I take a few red ones before passing them to Kiawe.

The crimson colour perfectly matches that of Kiawe's red streaks of hair.

"Hey, what about you, Wren?"

"What about me?"

"Well, I counted on you not having your day occupied so I could visit you here."

I don't meet his eyes.

"I don't have a Valentine's, no..."

I pick up the flowers on the counter. Pink daisy, yellow and variegated tulip, and red cammelia.

"We have enough flowers to arrange into a bouquet, "I say. "What base would you like?"

"You can pick." Kiawe says. "Oh. Could you add one more flower?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I hope for my love to be requited. That they love me the same."

"Oh..." I halt for a beat or two and pull myself to slowly move to where the daffodils are.

"Are you confident they will?" I ask.

"Yeah. There's no way they don't." Kiawe answers.

I return in front of him with jonquils in my hand, bright yellow like how a perfectly joyous love would look like.

"Will these do?"

"Yes!"

There was a tug at my chest at how happy Kiawe was at the thought of gifting these flowers to the person he loves. The person kiawe loves. Just repeating those words in my head made it throb. Whoever they are, they're so, so lucky...

"Can I help arrange them?" Kiawe perks up.

"Sure. Here..." I explain how I arrange the flowers the way I know how to, and guide him where he wants to help.

Our hands brushed a few times, and I could feel the lingering warmth of his skin on mine.

"Hey, so..." Kiawe says. "What will you be doing this evening?"

"I haven't decided."

"You know, on valentine's day in alola, it's said that showing an act of love or gifting something as a token of it while watching the sunset together is said to make to your love last as long as the sun continues to rise and set every day."

"I love sunsets, but.. I didn't know that."

"Now you do! So, people do things like exchanging kisses and hugs while watching the sunset with your loved ones. Gifting flowers count too."

"That's nice. So, you'll gift your special someone these flowers at sunset?"

"That's right."

"I guess I'll just get myself dinner, then a slice of mango cake to eat by myself. As a treat."

"I know you love those."

"Yeah," I chuckle. "I do."

We finish the flower bouquet and step back to admire it.

"It's perfect." Kiawe says, beaming.

I smile too. "I'm sure they'll love it. Well, even if they don't, I do..."

"You know what?" I say after a pause. "I'm going to make one too."

"Make one? A flower bouquet?"

"Yeah."

"...W-what? For who?"

"For the person I have my eyes on."

"You didn't tell me you had someone in mind today as well."

"....." I turn towards the flower rack again, my back against kiawe.

"W-well!" Kiawe says, voice breaking ever so subtly. "I better get going."

He reaches the door and pushes it open, the bell dinging indicating his exit.

"Happy Valentine's day.... Wren." Kiawe says at the door, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"... Happy Valentine's day, Kiawe." I respond, but too softly, while Kiawe is too far behind the door to hear me now.

I sat back down. I felt empty

[egg-emperor]

whenever i see new eggman content i sometimes like to check out your blog. its just sweet and fun, to see your reactions to him

aahhh thank you so much, it means so much to me that you like seeing my reactions!!! I love using this blog to ramble and gush and express my excitement and love for new Eggman stuff in my truest most passionate form without restraining how crazy and wild I can get in my hype hehe. I'm really happy it can be entertaining, the support is very precious to me! 🥰💜🥚