#dating in your 30s

[amidthechaoss]

I don’t care much about sex, so I know my perspective is shaped by that. But if people focused more on truly connecting and getting to know each other, the sexual chemistry would sort itself out. Sex is something you can learn—it comes with practice. But real connection isn’t about practice; it’s about looking inward and truly seeing the other person. It’s a deeper, more intentional kind of intimacy.

Why can’t I meet people who share the same sentiments?

[dinosinthedark]

I absolutely hate dating I've realized.. I don't want to have these lame ass conversations with people I don't know and make them into people I do know. I don't want to put in the effort to build a relationship into something. I'm tired

[millenniallust4death]

I'm in a cafe quietly drinking my overpriced latte. The table near me has a couple on a first date. I nearly spit out my coffee when the woman loudly proclaimed, "The CIA has murdered SO MANY people!". No context. No segue. The man pushed his chair back to create space from her. I mean, she's not wrong. But it's too much for this tech bro.

[yutegxddess]

dating is so weird .. its either theyre trying to fall in love with me in a week .. sending dick pics in less than a week .. or one of us goes ghost 🥴

[eyelashesandentropy]

The revolting thing about being in a relationship in my 30s after being single for over 8 years is that I want to gush but feel childish doing so

But he’s pretty great so I’m gonna do it anyway

[zwriteseverything]

Online dating in your 30s is wild because one minute you’re getting a sweet guy who wants to talk to you and the next guys feels the need to send you dirty ass pictures within two minutes of talking to each other like bro I don’t want to see your crusty old ass dick please keep that shit to yourself.

Like tell me how I met a guy yesterday mind you we had one really good hour conversation on the phone. He’s already asking me if I want to see his dick and his toys, please you haven’t even told me how sexy and beautiful I am yet, and you already want to start off the relationship in a sexual nature. Like I already know this is not gonna go anywhere. It’s just sad. Someone send help.

[lovenotesxcitygirls]

New Year, Same Me (Just With Better Boundaries)

As I sit here sipping champagne and reflecting on this wild ride of a year, I still can’t believe I stopped dating altogether. For me, “stopping dating” didn’t mean swearing off men entirely or deleting every dating app. It meant shifting my focus—from pursuing partnership to simply embracing connection. And honestly? It’s been one of the best years of my life.

The concept confused some of my guy friends, who were convinced that “not dating” meant cutting off all interactions with men. But here’s the thing: men often only invest in women they’re interested in dating—or, let’s be real, sleeping with. Women? We’re wired differently (at least I am). I’ve spent this year dating my friends, falling in love with myself, and healing in ways I didn’t think were possible. And as much as I love love, I’ve learned just how much I love my peace.

A Year of Lessons and (Questionable) Men

Don’t get me wrong—there were still a couple of “notable” men who managed to sneak into my life this year. And by notable, I mean emotionally draining. One cried on the phone regularly but refused therapy. Another flew me out, talked to me nonstop for a month, then ghosted because he needed to “meditate.” One thought he was a sweet, loving man of the year while doing the bare minimum. Another was clingy enough to make my vibrator look emotionally distant.

Two of them had kids—something new for me—and let me tell you, dating someone with kids deserves its own post. One guy spent more time complaining about his baby mama than figuring out how to actually co-parent effectively. He worked remotely, encouraged her to move for a job, then came up with every excuse under the sun for why he couldn’t relocate to be with his kid.

The Grace Gap

Here’s the thing: I think as a women who dates all men especially black men, we’re often taught to give grace. Grace because the world beats Black men down. Grace because they carry generational trauma. Grace because we want to be understanding. But sometimes, that grace comes at the cost of accountability. Too often, grace turns into coddling, and coddling turns into enabling.

This year, I saw it firsthand. Men who thought they were putting in effort were really just coasting on vibes and bare-minimum contributions. And listen, I don’t want to hear anything about “attracting the wrong men” because I’ve been introspecting, journaling, and chatting with my therapist about that too. The real question is: when did holding someone accountable for their actions turn into a lack of compassion?

For me, this year has been about breaking that cycle. I’ve realized that being a safe space for someone doesn’t mean letting them drain you dry. If you can cry on the phone, thank me for being your therapist, and tell me I’ve changed your life, then you should be able to give me something in return. Reciprocation isn’t optional—it’s the bare minimum.

My Year of Peace

I know a lot of people get sad about being single during the holidays, but honestly? I’m just thankful I have peace. No love bombing. No emotional vampires. No clinging to people who aren’t good for me because I’m too tired to let go. This year, I learned to enjoy my own company, lean into my friendships, and redefine what love looks like in my life.

And as we head into 2025, I’m fully embracing this era of coming into my own. I’m focusing on an unconventional life that feels deeply authentic to me. This year, I fulfilled two major dreams, proving to myself that anything is possible. In the new year, I’m working even harder to feel at home in myself, creating a space where love—romantic or otherwise—can flourish naturally.

For a Fresh Start

If you’re looking to start your own year with peace, pleasure, and power, here are a few tools that helped me along the way:

• A Journal for Reflection: This guided journal helped me work through the chaos and set intentions for myself.

• The Vibrator That Never Disappoints: The Rose—because self-care is sexy.

• A Book on Boundaries: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab is the guide I didn’t know I needed.

• A Weighted Blanket for Solitude: This cozy blanket turned my quiet nights in into something magical.

What’s Next

2024 taught me that love—real, sustaining, healthy love—starts with me. It’s not about who I’m dating, what they can offer, or how well they fit into my vision. It’s about how secure I feel in myself. And as we toast to a new year, I’m carrying that lesson with me.

So here’s to more dreams fulfilled, more boundaries respected, and a little more grace—mostly for myself. And if a man wants to join me on this journey, he’d better come correct, because I’m not sacrificing my peace for anyone.

[unfinishedsonglyrics]

Death to your dream girl

I’m not pure like an angel. I just have blue eyes and blonde hair

and I don’t understand you, sir, and frankly I don’t care.

And if that upsets you and you say that it’s not fair —that girl that you think that you’re in love with she simply isn’t there.

You dreamed her down and spun her out of a cloud of pink and grace. You dressed her up in a gown with the fishnets and the lace. You took her out on the town and you gave that bitch my face and now you say that you can’t live without her and you want her to take my place?

Well, I hope you and your dream girl die, because I’m real and I’m not here to satisfy

the whims of some man that I don’t know.

Get my face off your dream girl and go.

I said get my face off your dream girl and go.

You say I remind you of Elvis, Jazz and luxury and yet you still want me to be your good wife in the country. Settled down with three kids on a farm. As long as I’m barefoot and knocked up you don’t see the harm.

Well I didn’t ask you to change me and I don’t want no goddamn baby. It’s funny how you think you can read my mind when not once have you ever taken a good ol’ look inside.

I hope you and your dream girl die

Because I’m real and I’m not here to satisfy

The whims of some man that I don’t know.

Get my face off your dream girl and go.

I said get my face off your dream girl and go.

Yeah I’ve got that body that reminds people of foxes.

I’ve the body that for you checks all the boxes.

You’ve got a lotta nerve. I’d like to know who you are—and why you think you can swap my engine out just like I’m a car.

I hope you and your dream girl die.

I’m real and I’m not here to satisfy

The whims of some man that I don’t know.

Get my face off your dream girl and go.

I said take my face off your dream girl and go!

[soulofkole]

[dinosinthedark]

Ah, so this may indeed be the end of things with B. I'm feeling sad, but also kind of indifferent. Now to actually do the dating hiatus that I had planned but got side tracked by with him. We haven't spoke in almost two weeks, and I've gotten nothing but radio silence. Such is life.

[altar-ov-plagues]

Bitches be like "in a few days you treated me better than my ex ever did in a year" and then they vanish and don't ever talk to you again.

[balotpinoy110390]

Unending Cycle

Have you ever been in a cycle of your life that keeps on repeating?

Have you ever been in a rabbit hole that whatever you do to escape, you still have the same result?

You wanted to give up, and give yourself a chance to move on, but is it really the answer?

Is moving on really the answer or the solution to your misery?

Are you tired of chasing your dreams?

Tired of chasing pretty rainbows?

Rainbows that you thought would truly give colors to your grayscale life.

Dating.

Family.

Issues.

Everywhere.

You thought dating would give you peace, like the romance you usually see at the movies will provide you with butterflies, but all you experience is an unending cycle.

WhatsApp number - chat - get to know - ghost.

You get to ask yourself, what went wrong? Did I go too strong with the messages I sent? Could you let me know what I did this time? What did I do to make him leave me like that?

When you truly think you met this special someone because you've been chatting for a long time, you suddenly realize he always places you on the pedestal. He will only message you at his convenient time, and you on the other side, are too giddy to reply. It only shows you're hungry for love or the bare minimum he can give. Wake up, girl! You deserve more than that!

Dreams that you have for your family. You keep running to achieve this dream, but it shows that they are dragging you into the hole to sink alone?

It's time to build your walls again.

Time to rebuild yourself.

Build confidence in everything you do.

You are far more than a girl hungry for attention or love.

YOU deserve more!

YOU need to end this unending cycle.

YOU need to get out of this rabbit hole and move on!

The world is too big to explore.

YOU are loved. ❤️

[argentinainlondon]

Accurate 😆

[ienianstories]

A Song For Katla

This is my third book! I wrote it because I wanted to explore queer fiction about people my age, so this is about a 30-something professional government employee relearning to connect to her queerness, her family who have passed on, and the dreams she set aside in an attempt to gain control on her life. Katla is a half pixie, half jotunn lesbian born and raised in Ienia who hasn't dated since before she graduated university, and by happenstance meets a half changeling half elf transbian who ran to Ienia to chase her dream of becoming a rock star, and escape her family. Together they explore what dating in your thirties when you're already locked into a life path that makes you happy, but wanting more out of it anyways.

[bihansthot]

Real men do suck big time, lol. I've tried it all and even got ghosted in real life, so I haven't been able to date anyone. I understand where you're coming from and how much it hurts. It's not wrong to hanker love and intimacy. I'll continue to love fictional men in my delusional head, they'll take good care of me. If it makes us happy, that's all that matters. I also know what it's like to feel drained creatively, been through it a lot. Currently am. The ageist mindset some men have is horrible too. I'm 33, but sometimes get creepy remarks from 60-70 year old men since I look 19 to them. I've nothing against older men, but I wish most wouldn't treat women past 25 like we're suddenly unworthy and undeserving. We're desirable, lovable, and deserving of respect like any human being. Chin up, dear! I'll fight anyone for you. I'm a fellow Bi-Han and Syzoth lover, though I also adore Tomas! Hehe.

Dating in your 30s is soooo hard, I don’t want a 60+ year old man, I just want a guy in his 40s but no, I’m not young enough for a man close to my age. I still look younger but the actual number is apparently important. It’s just all so frustrating and I’m over it, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the same garbage lovely. But yes! We have our wonderful fictional lovers to keep us company 🥰 For the record I adore Tomas too, he’s so sweet 🥹

[lovenotesxcitygirls]

Why Am I Even Writing This?

Honestly, I don’t know why I’m starting this blog. Writing about something as controversial as love and romance feels like stepping into a battlefield armed with nothing but a pen and a lot of opinions. But here I am, because as someone who genuinely loves connection and wants people to just get to the love already, it feels like the right thing to do.

I’m tired. Tired of the podcasts, the red-pill rants, the TikTok discourse where everyone talks but no one listens. And while I can’t explain why I feel the need to contribute to the noise, I figured I’d take a shot at adding something meaningful. People have been telling me for years, “You should start a podcast!” But let’s be real—I’m not a podcast person. The idea of sitting in front of a mic, trying not to cringe at the sound of my own voice? No thanks. I’d honestly probably ramble. Writing is my lane. Maybe one day this will evolve into a podcast, but for now, this is my space to think out loud, wine in hand.

It’s funny, though, because this has nothing to do with my career, my ambitions, or my five-year plan. People have even told me, “You’d make a great therapist!” And to that, I say: absolutely not. Shoutout to the therapists out there—I respect you, but I’m not built to sit and listen to people unpack their problems all day. What I am built for is love. Not just the rom-com kind, but love in its truest, rawest form: deep, unfiltered, messy, and magical.

How Did We Get Here?

There’s no shortage of theories about why modern love feels like such a disaster. Someone once told me, “Men are looking for women who no longer exist, and women are looking for men who don’t yet exist.” That hit me. Because honestly, it feels true.

Some people blame it on R&B—“Men aren’t out here begging anymore.” And listen, I laughed, but they weren’t wrong. Where’s the Keith Sweat energy, the Boyz II Men drama? Where are the love songs that make you want to call someone and cry?

Others say it’s because we’re living in unprecedented times. Women are independent in ways history has never seen before, and with the rise of AI and a rapidly changing world, the things we find valuable are shifting. We’re in a cultural transition, and everyone’s trying to figure out what love looks like when the old rules don’t work anymore.

What I Hope to Do Here

So, as I sip my wine and play the “Who is Jill Scott?”album (because yes, that album is still undefeated), I find myself wondering: How do we bridge this gap? How do we move past the noise and get to the heart of what love is supposed to be?

This blog isn’t about preaching, and I don’t have all the answers. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their life or what their relationships should look like. But I do want to have real conversations about what love means today—the good, the bad, the confusing. I want to explore what it looks like to love deeply in a world that often feels shallow, to connect authentically in a culture obsessed with the next swipe, and to hold space for something real in the midst of all the chaos.

Maybe this space will grow into something bigger. Maybe it’ll just be a collection of thoughts and stories, scribbled down in between sips of wine. Either way, I’m glad you’re here. Let’s figure this out together.