amidthechaoss

[amidthechaoss]

I keep putting off buying my flight ticket, but my hotel room is booked and paid for. lol, the things I am doing with my life are shocking.

[amidthechaoss]

Ever felt a sadness so obtrusive and violent it makes you want to tear away your own skin? My sadness is making my skin crawl, clenching my jaw shut.

I feel cornered. I am actually petrified.

[amidthechaoss]

I am so sad, I feel like I am going to burst.

[amidthechaoss]

Note to self:

being unkind to yourself won’t make life any more kind

[amidthechaoss]

I cant seem to get myself to start.

on anything really. Its been almost 6 months since I quit my job and all I have done is sink deeper and deeper into a depression. Its comical really. I am the bird in the cage with the open door. 34 days till I am 30.

[amidthechaoss]

this stopped me on my tracks, cs true

you'll lose october too

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

Someone wrote about me.

The Jacaranda Years by Yiwei Chai

[amidthechaoss]

I am planning on moving back to Japan. My homeland has failed me—there are literally no jobs anywhere, and as I write this, my eyes are filling with tears. Being an ESL teacher until my aging years was never what I wanted. I want to scream, cry until my voice is hoarse, and faint.

[amidthechaoss]

I really want to disappear.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

Every month without fail, my uterus plunges me into a world of pain like no other. And like that’s not enough.. it takes 6 whole days. Six. But I still have to participate in adult obligations. This has been on going since I was 13. I am 29 now. Goodness when will it end

[amidthechaoss]

I am at a point in my menstruation where my jaw is clenched and I have the insistent need to bash my head against the wall repeatedly till my skull cracks open, I also hate myself to death. It’s all just dark and s**c*de. I want to get off the damn bus.

[amidthechaoss]

Today I am extremely inspired to watch a bunch of movies, and so it’s no surprise I have to actually do some work.

The things my procrastination brain lies about!

[amidthechaoss]

I know there is a way out, but I simply can’t find it for the life of me.

[amidthechaoss]

I don't want kids because I don't have the patience, and based on my experiences with the kids around me, they're great—but not 24/7. Yet sometimes, I have this pick-ism that leads me to think that maybe my kid would be different, maybe they'd be less annoying. 😂 The human ego really knows how to lie!

-the delusion

[amidthechaoss]

First draft of The Companionship Equation via instagram