amidthechaoss

[amidthechaoss]

I have been on two dates with this someone. And they have been great. I am not saying I have found the love of my life, but it’s nice to actually have a crush on someone, well it’s not a crush yet, but I think it’s developing. And it’s really nice to feel that.

But then again I may be romanticising things here.lol. I have planned both dates and I am mostly the initiator when it comes to our texting. Sooo idk.

Anyway, it’s hard for me to like people,so even if I am romanticising something that doesn’t exist here. I am enjoying it.

Talking to someone on bumble and it doesn’t feel like a chore. This is lovely, no matter how short lived it will be. Dating has become such a chore

[amidthechaoss]

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

[amidthechaoss]

My dream life

True Stories (David Byrne, 1986)

[amidthechaoss]

I’ve lost all hope. There is no end to this darkness. I’m giving up.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

my goal for 2025 is small simple and clear: change my whole entire life

[amidthechaoss]

Talking to someone on bumble and it doesn’t feel like a chore. This is lovely, no matter how short lived it will be. Dating has become such a chore

[amidthechaoss]

I showed my true personality at work today and I want to cry. I just want to disappear.

[amidthechaoss]

Who do I need to talk to, to get a partner. I have been single for 5 years 😭. Do I need to move out of Japan? Is that it?

[amidthechaoss]

I’m on my lunch break and I don’t want to go back to work.

[amidthechaoss]

I work from 9 to 6, get home by 7 PM, and have to be in bed by 10 PM to wake up at 6 AM. Is this life even mine, or does it belong to my low-paying kindergarten job? At this point, I might as well just identify as an employee rather than a human being with free will. I can’t believe I only have three hours to myself each day—just three. Wow.

- this is actually heartbreaking.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

Dec 1 2024, 21:13 Japan, Osaka

Night time grocery run

Curry blocks

Chick pea curry for meal prep this week.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

I have called in sick 3 times since I started work 3 weeks ago. I don’t want to be here, but I have to do the “adult thing” of having a plan before I quit.

[amidthechaoss]

I turned 30 and I have been sick since. If this isn’t a sign, then I don’t know what is.

[amidthechaoss]

Maya C. Popa, from Wound is the Origin of Wonder: Poems: “Wound is the origin of wonder”