amidthechaoss

[amidthechaoss]

Talking to someone on bumble and it doesn’t feel like a chore. This is lovely, no matter how short lived it will be. Dating has become such a chore

[amidthechaoss]

I showed my true personality at work today and I want to cry. I just want to disappear.

[amidthechaoss]

Who do I need to talk to, to get a partner. I have been single for 5 years 😭. Do I need to move out of Japan? Is that it?

[amidthechaoss]

I’m on my lunch break and I don’t want to go back to work.

[amidthechaoss]

I work from 9 to 6, get home by 7 PM, and have to be in bed by 10 PM to wake up at 6 AM. Is this life even mine, or does it belong to my low-paying kindergarten job? At this point, I might as well just identify as an employee rather than a human being with free will. I can’t believe I only have three hours to myself each day—just three. Wow.

- this is actually heartbreaking.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

Dec 1 2024, 21:13 Japan, Osaka

Night time grocery run

Curry blocks

Chick pea curry for meal prep this week.

[amidthechaoss]

[amidthechaoss]

I have called in sick 3 times since I started work 3 weeks ago. I don’t want to be here, but I have to do the “adult thing” of having a plan before I quit.

[amidthechaoss]

I turned 30 and I have been sick since. If this isn’t a sign, then I don’t know what is.

[amidthechaoss]

Maya C. Popa, from Wound is the Origin of Wonder: Poems: “Wound is the origin of wonder”

[amidthechaoss]

I finally have a lantern . It’s the little things✨

[amidthechaoss]

I keep putting off buying my flight ticket, but my hotel room is booked and paid for. lol, the things I am doing with my life are shocking.

[amidthechaoss]

Ever felt a sadness so obtrusive and violent it makes you want to tear away your own skin? My sadness is making my skin crawl, clenching my jaw shut.

I feel cornered. I am actually petrified.

[amidthechaoss]

I am so sad, I feel like I am going to burst.

[amidthechaoss]

Note to self:

being unkind to yourself won’t make life any more kind

[amidthechaoss]

I cant seem to get myself to start.

on anything really. Its been almost 6 months since I quit my job and all I have done is sink deeper and deeper into a depression. Its comical really. I am the bird in the cage with the open door. 34 days till I am 30.