#i just want to shower and go to bed.

[orcelito]

Ok first day on adderall. Can't take this as The Rule bc ya kno, still getting acclimated to it. But things I've noticed:

I did have increased focus, though not really increased executive function. I just kinda spent hours upon getting home enthusing about my fanfic ideas lol

Not hyper. Which is a good sign, I think. I didn't have any caffeine today Purposefully so that it wouldn't affect it.

In fact, I think I'm... more calm? Maybe? Specifically in regard to my tub problems. I was uhhh not handling it well on Sunday night. Handled it rather explosively, in fact. But today, despite working on this damned tub for nearly 3 hours now (and still failing), I'm nowhere near as bad off as I was. Just. Very, very tired and unhappy. I'll take that over getting so mad/upset that I ended up hurting myself in the process.

Very Thirsty. Normal side effect. I've experienced this before back when I started wellbutrin (which I don't take anymore). It did go away in time. Hopefully will now too. Ultimately harmless, & tbh it means I end up drinking more water so that's good, but it Is pretty inconvenient. Would rather it go away.

Seem to have the loss of appetite too, though idk if that's bc of the meds or the current discontent and fatigue. I prepped a microwave meal & looked at it and was just like Ugh (usually I like it). Still making myself eat it though. If this one keeps up, I don't think it'd be a huge deal, bc I already eat on a schedule anyways (aka Already don't have normal hunger cues). So whatever.

So ultimately, it seems to be doing Something. Whether it actually benefits me in general, we'll have to see. Had a bit of a problem in class where I was So focused I circled back around to struggling to think again. But it was also like. Freshly taken lol. So we'll hope that was just a first dose kinda thing.

We'll see how it affects my sleep tonight. I do feel tired, at least. So once I finish eating & get my tub to a state where it's... usable (not Draining though, it's still very clogged), I'll shower and climb into bed. Not gonna get a full night's sleep Regardless (bc of the aforementioned fucking bath tub) but I'll try to get at least an okay amount.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Every time I watch Shore Leave, I become more convinced that Ruth is dead.

Like, Jim's hellbent on chasing after Sulu, Yeoman Barrows has just been attacked, and then he stops for these flowers with a look of wonder on his face?

My theory is that he's terrified he'll be too late and something will attack Sulu, he thinks something along the lines of "how many more flowers will I have to lay on graves?" and then he sees the exact flowers he lays on Ruth's grave and he has to stop and take one and smile sadly.

And then the whole conversation with Ruth, I mean... Yeah, it does make sense if they were once together and then broke up, but the /pain/ and /longing/ in his eyes, man.

(Also this leaves open the possibility that because he's already seen one dead loved one on this planet, after McCoy is "revived", he might be half-convinced that the McCoy who came back was just a reconstruction because he wanted to see him, and the real Bones is still just as dead as he was. Oh, I want to write this fic so badlyyyy.. if it wasn't a work night ...)

[memento-morri-writes]

TBR Tag Game

I'm hopping on an open tag from @tc-doherty to share 9 books I read this year, and 9 books I'm hoping to read next year.

Read This Year:

Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson

Running Close to the Wind by Alexandra Rowland

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickenson

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine (also read the first book)

The Spirit Well by R.K. Ashwick (@ashen-crest)

The Obsidian Tower by Melissa Caruso

Godkiller by Hannah Kaner

Snowblooded by Emma Sterner-Radley

Somewhere Beyond the Sea by T.J. Klune

The first 5 were my favorites of the year (in no particular order), and the rest were honorable mentions.

Hoping to Read Next Year:

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson

The Monster Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson

A Captured Cauldron by R.K. Ashwick (@ashen-crest)

Voyage of the Damned by France White

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn

Strictly No Heroics by B.L. Radley (@radley-writes)

The Quicksilver Court by Melissa Caruso

Thornhedge by T. Kingfisher

I don't have a 9th I'm super excited about, despite having more in my TBR, so 8 will have to do. I'm most eager to read the top row, but I'm excited about all of them!! I do really want to re-read the Gentleman Bastards series, though... I need to read about the original Idiot Bastard Man (affectionate).

Tagging @transmasc-wizard @space-writes @writeouswriter @cryptid-s-wips @emrowene @talesofsorrowandofruin

[verved]

I so desperately want to practice self care but I literally physically can't

[ropebuny]

feeling like I’ll never be truly liked for who I am and that no partner will ever accept and also be willing to reciprocate and play out the things I am into

[ambersky0319]

I AM

EXCITED

[colin-crossing]

am i even making any sense, idk if any of this is eligible

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

[considerablecolors]

Me: ok ok so basically it all started when i was listening to Cool As I Think I Am yeah? and im like omg Peter Spankoffski is literally everything and more that Jeremy Heere from Be More Chill tried and failed to be

Them:

Me: like Cool As I Think I Am? that's LEGIT literally just the Chad version of Loser Geek Whatever

Them:

Me: AND THEN. I'M LIKE WAIT. NONONO. ALL THE CHARACTERS LINE UP BRO. like you have the sidekick that the fandom immediately adopts as their favorite little queer icon that makes constant references and has one of the saddest scenes in the show and deserves better? MICHAEL AND RICHIE

Them:

Me: a really quirky out-there girl that loves musical theatre? CHRISTINE AND RUTH BRO

Them: i-

Me: AND AND AND. A BULLY THAT'S LIKE OBJECTIVELY A BAD PERSON THAT THE FANDOM CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE BECAUSE HE SHOWS ROOM FOR KINDNESS YEAH??? RICH AND MAX MY DUDE

Them: uh-

Me: AND FINALLY IT CLICKS. NAH MAN. IT'S NOT JUST THE CHARACTERS. IT'S THE PLOT TOO.

Me: nerd guy and his friend(s) getting bullied and used to it, when he decides he's going to finally change the status quo because there's a girl he likes. then the bully intervenes and changes the status quo FR FR. it's all your standard high school drama and THEN a supernatural force intervenes and turns shit dark!!

Them: well-

Me: LIKE LIKE there's a party thrown where everything horribly goes wrong!! everyone starts being nicer to the nerd and you think it'll be fine but then nerd guys friend's start getting hurt and suddenly the entire school/world is at risk, PLUS the dream girl is at risk, so nerd guy is like SHIT gotta fix things

Them: i mean-

Me: THEN THE SHOW HAS A SUPER HAPPY UPLIFTING CHEESY ENDING WHERE EVERYTHING IS FINE BUT THEN. LAST MINUTE. THE SUPERNATURAL ELEMENT GETS TEASED AGAIN AND YOU'RE LIKE *GASP* IT'S NOT GONE IT'S STILL A THREAT WAIT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT BUT THEN YOU DON'T GET TO KNOW

Them: so um-

Me: LIKE IT ALL LINES UP. THE MIX OF CLASSIC SHOWTUNES SOUNDTRACK WITH A POP/ROCK TWIST. THE SLIGHTLY OUTDATED TEEN LINGO. THE UNDENIABLE HORNIEST OF MOST OF THE CHARACTERS. NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE IS LITERALLY JUST THE BETTER VERSION OF BE MORE CHILL!!

Them: were you-

Me: BUT THEATRE KIDS AREN'T READY TO HAVE THAT FUCKING CONVERSATION YET SO I JUST HAVE TO SIT HERE, KNOWING I'M RIGHT, SWINGING MY BAT AT THIS HORNET'S NEST, TRYING TO SPREAD THE GOOD WORD, BUT THEY HATE ME FOR SPEAKING THE FUCKING TRUTH

Them: ...

Me:

Them: ...

Me:

Me: OH MY GOD. OMG. I'M SO SORRY I'VE LEGIT JUST BEEN RAMBLING HAVEN'T I

Them: ...

Me: ughhh that's so embarrassing lolol okok so anyways

Me: i'll get to the point lol sorry

Me: ok so um basically i was interested in commissioning you to make like- basically think of it as like an episode of Nightmare Time but it's like Pete x Michael ok?

Nick Lang: um.

Matt Lang: that's not really how this...

Nick Lang: yeah, we don't really do that

Me: oh :( cause you guys are homophobic?

Matt Lang: OKAY-

[luna-spacedoodles]

they should make a more time in the world

[orcelito]

I'm going through another character arc

I'm becoming worse

[evansbby]

You guys I’m posting so many polls to get my engagement up but it’s not like how it used to be before 😂😭😂😂 ever since even before March when i took that month long break for Ramadan, my notifs were so dry n dead and it’s just not how it was before and i wish i could go back in time when everything was lit and fun but i just don’t know what happened it’s like everyone tuned out and then when i took that break, even more people tuned out and no one came back 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

[osiiiris]

Another day another drama I don’t give a damn about.

[softdreamlesssleep]

God, "I missed you" sex is the best

[c0ntaminxted]

my mom is making a "disciplinary whip" for my dog.

[whentherewerebicycles]

ran errands all morning & am feeling very smugly accomplished. here is a 20ish week bump update from the old navy bathroom (plus a shot of my pregnancy uniform aka maternity leggings and an oversized pens sweatshirt)