#i just want to practice something else
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it was gonna be a simple thumbnail but i think i put in too much efforts
#sky cotl#thatskygame#myart#fanart#sky ocs#baron#rubato#mel#watson#efel#artie#tbh if it's not for the characters it's not even sky anymore#i just want to practice something else#if you look at those snow covered pine tree you will hear me crying#chase
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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trying to figure out how to draw them. the crosscodes.
#crosscode#not tagging everybody sorry...#fuit aisle one was rly just because i wanted an excuse to draw That expression#as practice for something else. teehee!.#myart
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While I think the moment in cql where Meng Yao– still bleeding from a stab wound in his chest btw– realizes Lan Xichen is in danger and decides to save the man who was so kind to him in cloud recesses is cute and all, nothing will ever beat the book for me. Little bookkeeper civilian Meng Yao, who has not had a serious chance to make his dreams of being a cultivator come true in fucking years, out of nowhere gets the fucking sect leader of Gusu Lan dropped right in his lap?
It's such a great example of Meng Yao's multilayered motivations to me. Because is civilian Meng Yao thinking of all the ways he can use this? Of the fact that having a great sect leader in his debt is the best thing that could happen to him? Duh. Obviously.
Is he very purposeful about appearing to Lan Xichen as a kind young man full of untapped potential, brave and willing to put his life on the line even though he really doesn't know so much about about cultivators, no sir, except a little he picked up here and there, because you see his father– 👉👈 Of course he is!
But the way through which he does that is... by actually saving Lan Xichen's life, at no doubt significant personal risk. The way he makes Lan Xichen believe he's kind and selfless is by... being kind and selfless. Just because he's doing it on purpose doesn't mean he's not doing it.
Is it lying if you want people to think you're nice and so you're nice to them? Isn't that just called being nice? Yes, he is very purposeful about how he appears to people, and very carefully crafts an image based on what he wants them to think of him, but most of the time he does that simply by... actually being the kind of person he wants to appear as. He still did the kind things he did, regardless of his motivations for doing them.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#meng yao#jin guangyao#lan xichen#rs: i wish it could've been you#I think for a guy like nmj the reason this 'fakeness' is scary is because it makes him unpredictable#meng yao COULD be nice to you because he wants you to think well of him and the best way to do that is simply being nice.#OR he could be planning to kill you later. you have no way of knowing which one it is.#but like... the existence of the latter– while obviously very troubling!– doesn't really make the former manipulation in and of itself#but both people in universe and the fandom frustratingly often take it as such#'i want this person to like me so i'm gonna be nice to them' <- this is not manipulation. this is just interacting with people.#anyway this dual motivation probably also applies to show meng yao. who is scrambling to find something else now that he's been banished.#but the reason the novel grips me so much is little civilian a-yao doesn't even *know* lan xichen yet.#it's the journey of this at first being very inpersonal- both as an opportunity and as a heroic act#(the impression he's giving being that he saved a stranger because he's just that kind of person 😇)#and over the course of their time spent hiding together becomes... very very personal.#meng yao coming in with a very general plan that he could charm any kind of person with and slowly adjusting it to fit lxc#but how is that so different from just... getting to know a person and realizing what kind of relationship you want to have with them?#I also just think it's cute to have a-yao get bonked over the head with the realization that this guy is so fucking NICE what the FUCK?#no way he's this lucky. good shit doesn't *happen* to him where's the catch with this guy??? hello???#lucky of course both on a personal level and for his practical goals. i loveeee both sides of a-yao's brain screaming in tandem
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why do anti-jason fans always have an opinion on his characterization and how we write him in fanfic as if they've read anything beyond comics where his character is completely assassinated and written by individuals who despise him?
"you're not actually a jason fan if you remove everything that he's done in canon"
answer me truthfully: would you accept a comic as canon if it was written by someone who hates your favourite character? i'm not a tim fan so i'd mess up his entire storyline if i wrote a comic for him. would you read that and happily accept it as canon? because i assure you that i'd purposely mess his entire character up just because i dislike him. it would be full of bias because i don't understand his character as well as an actual tim fan does. would you still accept this comic as canon?
literally the majority of jason comics are written by people who don't like him and don't even know his source material. why shouldn't we nitpick what we wanna accept as canon??
#this post was brought upon by anti jason bs in the tag#we are tired people!!!!!!#please let jason fans enjoy things#antis are genuinely infuriating like please calm down and interact with other material#nobody is forcing you to read jason fics#i assure you that your fav batfam character has amazing fics where your fav isn't ruined to make everyone else look good#why do you have such a strong stance on something when you don't even fully understand it#let's practice peace of mind and interact with things we like so we don't lose it#jason todd#red hood#anti tim drake#just because i don't want tim fans to stumble upon tim hate by accident
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#art tag#gortcas#casim carnarvon#sorry guys proper context some other time maybe idk how to do it right now so no caption it is🤕#the tldr is that Gortash offhandedly talked about how Cas can make him as fat as he pleases but really it wont make him him his#basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control#which is true yes and Cas knows that to an extent but its not something he wants to hear#because Cas very much holds onto the hope that Gortash will be his forever at some point. phsyically#because again. Cas won't ever believe just words he simply is unable to even if Gortash could never love anyone else#at the same time while yes he obviously enjoys the whole weight gain he does not consider his own enjoyment a good reason to do things#Cas is someone that very much disregards his own enjoyment of things as well as his wellbeing#Cas is just pulling away instead of acting mad in an obvious way. hes sticking around but hes not feeding or teasing him about his weight#and Gortash? is now left with not knowing how to fix it since Cas isnt acting as he usually does when hes hurt or mad. hes still there#and day after day passes where he yearns to have it back. practically begging Cas to continue so he can prove his devotion#prove that he mustve been wrong with his comment. that Cas can push his body as far as he wants to and he'll be his in the end#thx for reading my tags guys maybe i can share more about this scene some other time🙂↕️ for now just have the art
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lover, don't touch me // leave, i am a danger to you // but ooh, i hunger for you
#this is leona's vampire lover audra#i guess you could say the first time they met was when audra nearly killed her in a blood lust because she hadnt fed in so long#idk how to describe it well but audra suddenly stopped devouring her when leona looked at her with no fear in her eyes#but looked at audra like she was something to worship#she whispered that audra was so beautiful even as her own blood was splattered between them and staining her lips#leona had never seen someone or something so perfect and powerful#power that she wanted and knew exactly how to get when audra whimpered over the slightest bit of praise#i never talk about them but i am CONSTANTLY thinking about them <3#some fun little facts is leona killed her husband in cold blood because he was pitiful and boring#she married the first person to show any interest in her just to get away from her family#he would have been a perfectly good husband for anyone else#but the best part of their marriage was when she stabbed him in the stomach 47 times and felt his blood splatter against her skin#for audra OBVIOUSLY had to make another oc who would do anything to be loved even if it means destroying herself#audra was turned very suddenly and without any guidance#she murdered her lover without even realizing it she opened her eyes to find them splattered across every surface of the room#because of that shes done everything she can to protect herself from others even if it means starving herself of blood#until she goes into a frenzy#leona is the first person she has ever willingly fed off of#idk if willingly is the right word since leona practically begs her to do it#i really want to remake leona now.........#i like how leona looks but i want her to match audra better#mysims#the sims 4#simblr#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 cas#ts4 cas#sims 4 edit#ts4
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The Wolf and The Witch
Part 1/?
Steve knows better than to enter the Witchwood. He’d been warned from the time he was a child, back before the wolf, that it was home to its namesake. And not just any witch, a dangerous one. One that had killed an entire hunting party, unprompted, with the flick of a finger. None who have entered those woods since have ever returned.
Steve knows better than to enter the Witchwood, but he doesn’t have a choice. Robin is slumped over his back, hands clenched tightly in his fur, clinging desperately to consciousness. He can feel her blood, warm and sticky, matting the fur of his back. His own gait is slowed, every step jolting the silver teeth digging into his right hind leg and sending sharp pain shooting through him. He’s not sure how much longer he can run, and he can hear them - the bloodthirsty cries of the townsfolk dead set on his murder.
They had been found out. So many cycles of living in this town, living among its residents as a friend and neighbour, and still they’ve all turned on him. Of all the times for it to happen, too. It was the moon he had agreed to make Robin a wolf. She had already been weakened from the wolf taking hold when they had been attacked, the silver already a weakness but her body not yet given over to the strength of the wolf.
Steve wishes he could take her to Nancy, knows Nancy would help despite everything, but the townspeople have blocked them off, funneled him in his blind panic. His only hope is to lose them is the wood, but even then he might lose Robin to his own fumbling medical knowledge.
But first, he has to get away from their pursuers. Steeling himself with a deep breath, Steve enters the Witchwood.
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Eddie is no stranger to people trying to do him harm. It’s been a constant in his life from the time he was a child, long before his gifts had awakened. And one that had- well. It’s been a constant of his life, sure as the cycle of the moon and sun. So he notices the prickle of someone entering the woods, but he gives it no regard. It happens a few times a year, that someone gets it into their heads that they will be the one to kill “The Witch of the Woods”. None ever even make it to him, losing themselves in the enchanted trees.
These trees are older than him, and their magic is their own. They like him and welcome him among them, but otherwise are hostile to outsiders. In the beginning, he had tried to help those who became lost in the woods, but those days have long since passed. Despite what his uncle says about his soft heart, Eddie’s become bitter and jaded and he no longer pays any mind to those who venture into the woods.
But this time, something is different. Eddie feels the disturbance of someone crossing into the forest, feels the shift of magic as the forest warps around them, and it’s… different. The ways and paths of the trees are second nature to him, he can tell by the shimmer of magic against his skin which paths have been revealed and which hidden away and this…
The forest is being lenient, gentle. The interlopers are shown the ways to peaceful places, soft and danger-free. Eddie can recall only a few times that the forest has been kind to intruders, and it has almost exclusively been to children.
So he’s more than curious already when he feels the buzz of more people crossing the boundary into the woods. A lot more. And Eddie realizes that this hunt is not for him.
The trees are not so kind this time, opening its twists and turns like a maze, a trap for anyone foolish enough not to turn back immediately. They don’t, of course. They never do. Eddie pays them no mind, drawn instead by curiosity to the two that are being pursued.
He steps between the trees, slipping into a space that’s folded away between reality, picking his way with ease through paths that are there and paths that are not until he emerges at the edge of a small clearing, moonlit and mossy. Theres a tiny spring-fed pond and there, limping toward it, is a wolf. It’s huge, the size of a small bear, with a strong frame and thick russet fur.
It notices him at the same time as he notices it, and it’s massive head swings to face him, teeth already bared in a snarl. It’s hackles raise, and it turns fully, squaring up, a threatening growl rumbling across the little clearing to him.
Eddie steps back, already gathering his power until it glows around him with dark energy, because this is no normal wolf. Even without the size and the silver trap clamped around its leg giving it away, he can see it in its eyes, feel in its presence that this is something more.
He recalls his childhood, the warning tales at his mother’s knee. He remebers later, freshly chased out of town and taken in by his uncle, watching as the old man leafed through his ancient book and warned Eddie that he wasn’t the only dangerous thing in the wilds. Eddie has no doubt that he’s come across one of those dangerous things now. He looks at the wolf and knows exactly what he’s seeing.
A werewolf.
#steddie#steddie fic#steddie fanfiction#Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington#fantasy au#werewolf Steve#Eddie’s not really a witch he doesn’t practice witchcraft in any real way#that’s just what the people call him#I’d say he’s more of a sorcerer with a sprinkle of Druid#I’m still calling this the wolf and the witch because they both start with w lol#this was supposed to be a one and done ficlet but it kind of became something else and now I want to continue#magic Eddie#werewolf Robin#she was just bitten like a couple of hours ago poor robs TToTT#it’s important that you know Eddie’s magic is black or dark red and his eyes go black when he really uses it#both Eddie and Steve (and now Robin ) have elongated lifespans#Nancy is Steve’s ex and she knows that he’s a wolf#she doesn’t exactly like it but she’s working on that with herself and she would still protect him with everything she has#writing#my writing#fanfiction#my fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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I have sleeping Machete set as my lock screen specifically because it looks like his nose is pointing right at the time, and coffeshop Vasco set as my home screen because it looks like he's looking tenderly right at that chrome dino game widget
I'm a comedian, really
That's very cute actually • ^ •
#looking tenderly at the chrome dino game widget#answered#anonymous#I tend to cycle through various pieces of gift art of my characters#phone wallpapers are such a personal thing though#these days your phone is practically a part of you#it holds so much of your personal information and you take it everywhere#and every time you open it you briefly look at your lock/home screens#so whatever picture you have there is probably the image you see the most through the day#it's very flattering that someone somewhere has looked at my art and thought “yeah I want to look at this a hundred times”#even just for a brief time before they switch to something else
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There's absolutely nothing worse than when I get a thousand words into a story and decide that I low key hate it
#i don't really hate it#it's just like. what is the point?#i'm just not super enthusiastic about where it's going and none of the other options for where i could go with it are very interesting#and it's supposed to be about hera. HERA#if i'm writing something about captain hera syndulla the myth the legend herself the greatest pilot in the galaxy etc.#then it's got to be GOOD#hmm. i. might be shelving this fic idea for the time being#in theory it's decent in practice it isn't what i want#so there's that#HECK this is annoying#okay let's stay calm#i'll set this idea aside#work on something else in the time being#and then come back to what i'm writing for hera in spectre week after that#easy. possibly#WHY AM I INCAPABLE OF COMING UP WITH GOOD FIC IDEAS ANYMORE#i swear i've had all my good ideas#which i hate with a fiery passion#i hate the fact that it feels like i'm out of fun ideas#i don't want that to be true! i want to be still capable of coming up with fic concepts!#but the brain is not braining right now#it's super frustrating#*deep deep sigh*#i shall survive#just had to rant a bit
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call him cake cause he's got layers baby
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#yakuza series#yakuza 2#yakuza kiwami 2#daigo dojima#snap sketches#he doesnt have any cake himself tho </3#prob like. average.#anyway Its No Secret i draw daigo a bit. Different.#and sometimes i forget the add ons i do for him#and my last 'model' sheet is crusty SO new one and i figured id share it :)#my biggest struggled with drawing daigo is his puffer.. idk why every time i draw it he just looks bigger than i want him to#so this was originally just supposed to be Jacket Practice and maybe ill do a bit of that later#but then i was like. EEEEEE model time#my biggest crime with drawing daigo is that i get rid of his leather pants but the ripped jeans speak to me on a personal level#ignore the fact i hate jeans listen they look great on everyone else#ok i should probably get food or something. bye#my ass gon look like daigo's emaciated self if i dont walk down to the pub and get a panini or somethin ☠️
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ooo i love it (viciously despise) when my brain wants to do five different things at once, it's So funny (i need to bite concrete)
#do i want to write? draw? worldbuild? character build? storybuild?#if i want to write What do i want to work on#original stuff? wh? aus? something else entirely?#if i want to draw what do i want to scribble?#sundown? indulgent stuff? wh? dragon doodles? environment practice#if i want to worldbuild which world do i want to think about#which characters! which plots! I JUST DONT KNOW~#i feel like my brain has been presented with many cakes and i dont know where to start so i just sit & starve <3#maybe i should just... watch something and crochet?#I JUST! DON'T! KNOW!#i have two hours before i should get to bed... what to do... what to do...#absolutely unprompted#i have much interest in too many things at once!#maybe i'll respond to some asks...#i have a lot of them... over a hundred... i want to cut that back a little#but a lot are theory based so hmmmm idk if i have the brain for it#god i want to. i Want To.
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behold a comic
#it started as a meme doodle#and then i was trying to learn krita so i colored it#and then it turned into character design#so fun facts svet's scars are assquad canon in this#and lesbian svetlana for the win#for context this is like the comic meme ending of a drabble i wrote#about them getting bored and having a dress up dance party during roti#svetlana sees the dresses and is like move bitch this is my chance#anyways she ends up kinda explaining their did to jo and anne maria and everyone is chill with it#because it's just a happy funny little drabble with no angst#but yeah this is the memeified version of what happens#my art#total drama#td svetlana#td jo#td anne maria#td jolana#anyways i'm very happy with panel 1 kinda happy with panel 2 and not very happy with panel 3#but i haven't practiced drawing bodies in forever and i wanted to move onto something else#it's animatic time! as soon as i figure out how to simplify my art style
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✿GEMINITAY APPRECIATION WEEK✿ Day 5: Yellow Life Gem
I want them to go down to yellow with me!
YES THIS IS SO LATE: 1) It's my most overzealous one thus far, and 2) DESPITE the previous point, I still chose to play Minecraft the whole day instead. so. ahEM ANYWAYS! GEMPRECIATION TIME!
Something about Yellow Life Gem? Lore. LORE. LORE. Girl you KNOW what you're doing. Forced to be the first person the open the end portal in the Life Series, losing a life to that task, adding bits to her yellow skin that look suspiciously like the end portal, leaning a little too hard to being a yellow- Augh she is a genius and just so FUN! SHE GETS IT!! And leading them to the End to fight the dragon? Incredible. And should I even MENTION the Boogiepocalypse? SHE DID SO WELL!!! TWO PEOPLE LEFT!!! WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY!!!
✿Drop a reblog!! It spreads that love for Gem!!✿
also, flat colors under the cut! cuz i spent WAY too long on her design:
#geminitay appreciation week#gemweek#secret life#geminitay#secret life gem#gem secret life#sl gem#sl geminitay#star art#ren's blorbos#goD THIS HAS GOTTA BE THE TOUGHEST ONE#though i won't lie i had so much fun with it#i knew it was gonna be tough so i settled for messy<333 cuz i said so. i do what i want#iM SORRY I PRIORITIZED MINECRAFT OVER YOU GEM I- wait but she loves minecraft too. i think she'd get it#i was practicing my pvp!!#she'd get it <3#anyways teehee details <333#girl the ENDER EYE that she HAD ON HER BELT. ON HER SKIN#IMPLYING SHE NEVER HAD TO USE IT FOR THE PORTAL (BECAUSE PERHAPS. IT TOOK SOMETHING ELSE.)#IM JUST SAYIIIINNNNGGG#anyways . flowers on the end side look like a certain other flower related to the end . i wonder :)#she also gets claws now CUZ I!! SAID!! SO!!#ahem totally didn't. uh . alreeady post this and deleted it cuz there were mistakes i wanted to fix . totally#why would i ever do that what makes you think that#AHEM ANYWAYS!
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Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esen’s current emotional state (he did very much kill Esen’s dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?
I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esen’s best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.
My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esen’s purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.
#she who became the sun#man i need to stop being like heyy ill just post smt quick just a few sentences and then I'll sleep#it always ends up as a shitty 3am essay#also i need to re-emphazise how much he did not feel bad about the murder portion of this.#and how he felt even less bad about having wbx take the blame.#in his mind they deserved it! chaghan for killing his fam and also being a dick#and wbx for being annoying and understanding him too much.#which btw is another great example of how ouyang views himself bc somebody else being like him at all is an execulate offense in his mind.#he wants both wbx and zhu dead the moment he realizes they're like him in some manner bc that's what he would want for himself.#even the crime of understanding him is sacrilege and means the person is irredeemably tainted in some manner.#which is why paradoxically he can be angry at esen for not understanding him but also have it be his fault.#bc Esen cannot understand him bc if he did then that would mean Esen is also tainted#and as we have established Esen is NOT tainted. he is immaculate. practically the virgin mary (but with more wives)#and if he IS tainted its Ouyang's fault too bc clearly he did not come that way these are ouyang-cooties#so its a GOOD thing esen can't understand him actually you guys#man. what a guy. someone should put him in a cetrifuge and distill some extra virgin self hate oil or whatevef#(only in main canon tho in the preorder reward it'd be eau de self hate or something i suppose)#also if u wanna laugh imagine a crossfaded ouyang explaining this train of thought to an equally xfaded (and very confused/worried) xu da#general ouyang#esen temur
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