#but then i was like. EEEEEE model time

[todayisafridaynight]

call him cake cause he's got layers baby

[peterpparkrr]

Banter (ch. 1)

Series: Banter

Pairing: Roy Kent x f!Reader

Summary: You and Roy Kent do not get along. But your mysterious Bantr match on the other hand…

A/N: SEASON 3! SEASON 3! Ted Lasso is the only thing holding my sanity together so I figured I might as well write for it. Enjoy! 

(Ch. 2) (Ch. 3) (Ch. 4) (Ch. 5)

series masterlist

Shutterbug: Do you ever feel like no one really knows you?

SirSwears-a-Lot: Yes. Most of the people I interact with are fucking idiots.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Has something prompted this existential crisis?

Shutterbug: My friends. And work. Everything.

SirSwears-a-Lot: It's hard to be vulnerable with people. 

SirSwears-a-Lot: In the effort to respond to honesty with honesty, I’ve recently been struggling with the question: What the hell am I doing?

Shutterbug: I’m about to start a new job and I’m questioning every decision I’ve ever made.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Same.

You were trying to navigate your way through the AFC Richmond building when you spotted a familiar blonde ponytail down the hallway.

“Keeley!”

Keeley squealed your name when she turned around to see you. 

“EEEEEE! I’m so excited that you’re here!” She shouted as she ran toward you at full speed before launching herself at you, wrapping her arms around your neck tightly as you spin her in a little circle.

To this day you weren’t sure how you’d ended up being best friends with Keeley Jones. 

You’d met on a commercial set when you were an assistant to the photographer and Keeley as the talent for the shoot had charmed your pants off. 

Not literally. You two didn’t have that kind of relationship. No matter how often Keeley joked about wanting to shag you. 

But Keeley’s uncanny ability to befriend anyone and everyone she met had worked on you. Despite being the model-slash-acress-social media star at the center of the commercial she took the time to ask you your name, understand what your job was, and pepper you with personal and ranndom questions.

And as an unmoored creative professional in London, you’d latched onto Keeley as a familiar face in the circles you both ran in (Well, circles that Keeley ran in and you sort of loitered on the outskirts of with your camera). 

And when the two of you’d walked in on her boyfriend at the time shagging the executive for the brand you two were working on the shoot for, she’d slapped him clear across the face (the boyfriend, not the executive, you both wanted to continue working). And you’d let her move in with you until she could figure out what she was going to do next.

It had bonded you together for life. 

Which is how she’d managed to rope you into taking AFC Richmond’s promo photos despite your strong anti-sport stance. 

You were easily swayed by the Keeley Jones pout. And the promise of a well-paying job.

“Ted! Roy! This is my friend-slash-photographer-extraordinaire,” Keeley called out to two men in Richmond jackets that made their way over to you, introducing you all to each other. They both looked a little too old to be players so you assumed they were coaches. “She’s going to be the photographer for the promo shoot tomorrow.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m excited to work with the team,” You tell them as you reach out to shake their hands. 

“Pleasure to meet an old pal of Keeley’s,” The one with the mustache, Ted, replies as he shakes your hand eagerly.

“Oh! You’re American!” You exclaim in surprise.

“Yes, we are,” Ted replies with a small chuckle. “But I promise we have nothing but the utmost respect for the game y’all call football.”

“I’m not really a football fan to be honest,” You admit with a shrug. 

You don’t necessarily have anything against the game itself. But the fact that the world pours billions of dollars into an industry built around boys kicking balls around seems silly to you. Especially considering the way some fans of the game react – hooliganism, riots, bar fights, increased rates of domestic violence after matches – it all seems like a waste.

“Roy! this is the photographer for the shoot tomorrow,” Keeley tells a man with a head of dark curls and a deep frown etched into his stubble.

You can’t help but give him the once over. It’s part of the artistic nature of your work, you’re always scanning people for their best angles, natural beauty, etcetera, that you might want to work with when you’re shooting.

And he’s pretty. In that gruff, grumpy mountain man kind of way.

“Nice to meet you,” You greet him with a smile as you hold out your hand to him. “Are you a player?”

“Do I look like I’m a fucking player?” He grumbles at you before he pushed between you and Keeley and walks into the locker room. 

“Excuse me?!” You shout after him, completely taken aback by the rudeness you’d just been faced with.

“You’ll have to excuse Roy,” Keeley tells you with an apologetic smile.  “He wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, well, every morning.” 

“Right,” You reply with a glance over your shoulder in the direction he stalked off to. 

“Since he’s not a player at least I don’t have to work with him,” You add with a halfhearted smile. Trying to play the optimist for the sake of your professionality.

Keeley’s eyes widen slightly when you say that and what smile you had managed drops off your face completely.

“Um…” She mutters.

“What?” You groan.

“He’s one of the other coaches,” Keeley tells you apologetically as she purses her lips at you.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” You grumble. 

“Fucking dick,” You mutter under your breath as Keeley leads you down the hallway, explaining what the team owner, Rebecca Welton, is looking for brand-wise from these promotional photos.

Shutterbug: Why are men such assholes?

SirSwears-a-Lot: I feel like you’re expecting me to defend my gender but I honestly can’t.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Men are pricks.

Shutterbug: Agreed. This guy I met for part of my new job was a complete and total dick to me today for absolutely no reason. If I didn’t like getting paid I would have gone full psycho bitch on his ass. See how he liked that.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I would pay good money to see that.

Shutterbug: I did meet another guy at this job today who was actually a really nice guy, like unnaturally nice.

Shutterbug: And you’re nice. 

Shutterbug: So I guess #NotAllMen.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I’m not nice.

Shutterbug: Yeah, you are. 

Shutterbug: You let your niece help you come up with your dating app profile.

Shutterbug: And if you weren’t a nice guy you wouldn’t let me complain to you all the time.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I complain back to you so it’s really an even exchange. Plus most of your stories are hilarious.

Shutterbug: Well, I do usually like my work.

Shutterbug: But my pro tip of the day: don’t work with athletes. 

SirSwears-a-Lot: Noted.

“Hiya,” Ted greets you as you stand in the middle of the locker room on your phone.

You’re so engrossed in your text argument with Bantr boy about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza that you jump slightly at the sudden noise.

“Ope, sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya,” Ted apologizes. 

“Oh, it’s fine, I just got wrapped up in a text conversation,” You tell him with a shrug as you tuck your phone back into your pocket and smile back at Ted. 

“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” Ted asks curiously.

“Just a guy,” You tell him.

Ted nods for you to continue. Something you’ve almost never had someone, especially not a guy do to you in a professional context.

“Well, I’m on Keeley’s app. I figure at least one of us deserves to have success. Even if it’s professional and not personal.”

“You’re a good friend,” Ted interjects.

“And I have been flirting with one guy who’s actually funny. And intelligent. It probably won’t go anywhere but it’s fun to have someone to chat with who doesn’t know who I am.”

“I can’t say I understand the appeal of that sort of anonymity, what if you’re chatting with a serial killer? Or a homophobe? Or someone who hates pizza?” Ted replies. “But then again, I’m not young and hip.”

“It’s a valid perspective,” You reply with a nod. “I’m honestly not even sure if he would like me. If we ever met, I mean, I don’t know if I’m his type.”

“Well, you’re an absolute delight, I can’t imagine a single guy who wouldn’t like you, unless he hates, I don’t know, happiness and joy,” Ted tells you.

“Thanks, Ted,” You reply.

“Anything else I can help ya with?” Ted asks as he slaps his hands down on his thighs. “Got any of those big heavy lights you need moved around?”

“The lights actually aren’t that heavy,” You tell him with a burst of laughter. “I think I’m just about set up here. Just waiting on your team and then we can get started.”

Shutterbug: What’s your type?

SirSwears-a-Lot: Why do you ask?

Shutterbug: Maybe I’m getting plastic surgery so that I can look like it.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Whatever you look like, you’re my type.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Unless you’re actually my boss catfishing me.

SirSwears-a-Lot: In which case, fuck you.

Shutterbug:  Damn. You’ve caught me!

You couldn’t wait for this job to be over.

The team was actually easy. Other than a few players who tried to tell you about their best angles (Jamie Tartt had insisted that you needed to only shoot him from the left and seemed unable to not smolder during the shoot which was… an interesting choice), the solo shots of the players had been a breeze.

But these coaches were a whole different beast. 

Ted was happy, almost eager to take your direction. 

But the other three?

Coach Beard hardly spoke during the entire interaction and refused to smile but his pictures came out fairly decent. 

Nathan Shelley was so nervous and fidgety it took you ages to take the photos because he kept breaking the poses to ask you if he was doing alright.

Roy Kent was impossible.

“You have to stay in the pose,” You grumbled as you pushed past your lighting rig to re-adjust Roy for what felt like the hundredth time this afternoon to. 

“I feel fucking stupid in the pose,” Roy grumbled in response.

“Well, you look stupid when you don’t do it,” You shot back.

“Just listen to the nice lady, Roy,” Ted called out, causing a few of the others to chuckle. 

Something of a crowd had formed to watch the entire process. Some of the players who were done with training and the rest of the coaches were standing around watching now that their photos were over and you could tell that Roy hated having an audience.

“Shut up!” Roy shouted at them.

You groaned as he broke the angle again.

“Alright, everyone out!” You shout once you’ve finally lost your patience. You shoo at the men. “Everyone!”

Once it was just you and Roy in the room you turned back to him.

“The sooner you do what I tell you to do. The sooner this is all over,” You tell him. “You’re handsome, I don’t understand why you hate getting your photo taken so much.”

Roy didn’t reply with words, he simply grunted at you as you stepped towards him and lifted your hand to gently tilt his face back to the direction you wanted him to face before stepping away.

“There,” You said a minute later once you’d gotten all the shots you would need. “That wasn’t so painful, now was it?”

“Yeah,” Roy grunted again as he pushed through your set-up and disappeared back into the coaches' office. 

You watched him leave with a puff of mild annoyance before you realized that meant that today’s shoot was over and hurried to back up your things.

Shutterbug: Would you ever want to meet up?

You’d gotten to the restaurant too early. After you’d sent that message you’d thrown your phone across the room and tried not to panic. 

When you’d finally built up the courage to retrieve your phone you saw that he’d already messaged you back,

SirSwears-a-Lot: Yes.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Friday night? Bacco’s, 7 pm?

You grinned at your phone for a moment before typing your response.

Shutterbug: See you then :)

And you’d been riding on cloud nine for the last few days. You hadn’t told anyone about the date. Not even Keeley. No matter how hopeful you were about this working out, you hated the thought of getting someone else's hopes up so you decided to keep it a secret. 

Just until after the date.

But it also meant that you’d finished up the day’s shoot, gone home to get ready, and somehow ended up at the restaurant thirty minutes before your reservation. So you were standing in the waiting area, trying not to look too pathetic while you scrolled through Instagram.

Every time you heard the door open your eyes would flicker up only to be met with the view of a sweet elderly couple or a group of business partners making their way through the door. 

Until you heard to door open and looked up to lock eyes with Roy Kent. 

Your eyes widened before you offered him a sarcastic smile. 

“I’m waiting for someone,” You tell him in lieu of a greeting.

“Me too,” He replies gruffly.

“Good for you,” You reply with a furrow of your brows.

“Yeah.” 

You roll your eyes and look back down at your phone, tapping out a quick message to let him know you’re here. You hit send just as your phone pings with a similar text from him. 

You look up to scan the room again just as Roy’s phone buzzes and your eyes lock as you realize that you’re the only two people in the waiting area. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” You groan.

“Fuck,” Roy mutters.

[eddiesxangel]

OH MY GOD ITS ME IM THE NONNIE 💄

i think about them all the time! their careers, their two girls, just what their life is like!

EEEEEE ILY

They both took a little break to raise the baby, who I believe I named Lila Rose? ( I tried finding the original post but couldn’t) She is a real mix of the both of you. She’s bubbly and active and loooooooves sports which throws you and Eddie for a loop bc mother of you are athletically inclined. You think it’s her grandpas influence bc she would watch baseball with him when he came to help when she was first born. He would prop her up on him while they both sat in his chair and watched the games. She also LOVES her big sister and her big sister LOVES her. She wants to be just like her.

Speaking of Violet Rose, she is much much better. She got into modelling just like her biological mother. VR reached out and wanted to know more about that side of the family. They have a cordial relationship but Poppy will forever be her mom. 🥺 She’s also an LGBTQ + icon and She’s dating a girlypop named Brina and is in looooooooove. They will probably get married.

But back to the main characters. Eddie is still so obsessed with Angel. Especially during pregnancy (talk about breeding kink he didn’t know he had) he LOVED watching you grow the baby. He didn’t let you do anything and you kind got annoyed with him bc damn. Eventually he lightened up and let you do things but also you used it slightly to your advantage. Especially the foot rubs.

Once you had little Lila Rose he fell even more in love with you. Watching you become a mom?! talk about boner alert. 🚨🚨🚨

You and Eddie also have worked on a bunch of music together. Not a collaboration bc your music styles are waaaaaaaaay too different but you are each others muses so the BOPS you produce are 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

Corroded Coffin got a Vegas residency for a few months so you and him and your toddler move (VR is living on her own at this point) and it’s fun but you eventually got back to LA in the new house you and Eddie bought together. It’s your favourite place to be.

Eddie also bought a new house in Italy that isn’t tainted. It’s in a completely different city but on the coast and Lila Rose loves the private jet, she’s such a diva about it but it’s too cute bc she’s only 2.

I really should write a little blurb about the honeymoon bc you know they’re FILTHY 😪😫

[unpopularbunny]

hear me out- Big brawny pro hero kirishima. almost on his thirties. single, of course, had a few relationships on the past but... yk it wasnt for him, or at least thats what he used to tell himself. until he sees you. the prettiest person he's ever laid his eyes on. so sweet to everyone. bakugou tells him you're a scientist whos been helping on quirk improvement and less drawbacks. so not only you are drop dead gorgeous, sweet, gentle, with thick thighs he desperately wants to crush his head but also super fucking smart????? the fact that you two meet in a public event, you being one (if not the) hot topics to the reporters and you look so shiny and happy, he gets self-conscious about talking to you. BUT!!!!! you talk to him first :( about how when he graduated UA he was one of your role models :((( he gets so overwhelmed that almost kneels in front of you. now the thing is: how did he managed to get you moaning his given name in his bed, legs deliciously spread to accommodate him and his broad shoulders?

new on ur blog... may i be 🐈 anon?

EEEEEE MY FIRST EVER NAMED ANON

YOURE AO SWEET AND KIND I LOVE U 🐈 ANON

And OOOOOUEEEEEEEEE

There’s no fuckin way he can stay soft when he’s around you after the first meeting. Any time you two run into eachother he’s got 30 seconds before his pants are getting tight and hes looking for an exit. He tries so hard to endure and hide it so he can talk to you, the way you say his hero name with every interaction and he’s replaying it in his head when he’s jerking off to you.

He tries not to hover around you so much because you’re so busy! You work so hard! He often goes out of his way to see you, the way you light up when you see him. He doesn’t trust himself to hug you, he thinks if he touches you he’ll cream himself right then and there. It frustrates him so bad! He feels like he’s some blushing virgin like he was when he was younger, he’s slept with women before! What made you so special? Was it the intelligence? The gleaming smile?

So how exactly do you find yourself ankles to the heavens and being treated like a favored toy?

A late night in your lab.

You wanted to show him something you’d been working in for his quirk and he was so ecstatic by your work. He praised and complimented the things you were able to do and you felt bashful at such sweet words from him. Kirishima could see how flushed you were getting and couldn’t help but reach out and touch those soft cheeks of yours. You can’t even remember what words were exchanged after that. All you recall was unprofessional groping and kissing that led to him begging (on his knees no less) that you come to his apartment

He couldn’t even wait once you were in his apartment (neither did you have time to even take in your surroundings, he had you hefted over his shoulder and through the apartment until you were tossed on his bed. A loss for words really. He left no room for words and descended on you with fervor, pulling at your clothes and exposing your skin. As weary as you were of his teeth, his tongue was another experience altogether.

He begged (damn near on the verge of tears with one hand shoved in his pants palming himself) to lick you. It was so hard to say no to him, so with your legs spread you nodded and you were devoured. You were sitting in the edge of his bed, gripping his hair in your fists until your fingers ached. He had his face pressed so hard against your sex that every bump of his nose against your clit made you sing his praises to the high heavens. He pressed his tongue as deep as he could inside of you and when you suffered from overstimulation and began to squirm too much, he wouldn’t let you ruin his fun.

You were pushed onto your back on the bed and your knees were so close to your shoulders and he gave you front row seats to a show of a lifetime. He made you watch as he licked you slow and sweetly. It was embarrassing! He said you tasted better than he ever imagined and he never wanted to let you go. You had this fucker absolutely sprung and in your pocket.

It was absolutely going to be a long night after this.

[death-and-other-myths]

The Dream Thieves Deadass Book Review

By Maggie Stiefvater

Blue and the gang are back in another thrilling installment of teenagers taking on way more than they should!

This is an unhinged book review/recap of this BEAUTIFUL STORY I LOVE IT!!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

We kick things off with a cool prologue about Ronan Lynch and his enigmatic father, who apparently dissapeared for months at a time and returned with ridiculous amounts of money and treasure. It’s also heavily implied that Niall Lynch also had the ability to manifest objects from his dreams. He says weird shit like “Ronan on the day you were born, blue rose petals rained from the sky and all the cows started crying blood.” And Ronan says “Thanks Dad, a birthday card will suffice.” (Jk) But there are instances where Niall wakes up with blood and blue rose petals on his face and is like “Oh Ronan, I was just dreaming about the day you were born.”

Wow this family! (To recap, Nial was murdered with a tire iron and Ronan found him)

Was… was Ronan not birthed, but dreamed?? Did his father dream him into existence? I’m not sure. 

Well everyone is in the know because the kids meet up in the countryside with a telescope — still on their quest to chart the leylines and locate Glendower… who the trees confirmed exists, so that makes all this crazy magic even more real. Ronan demonstrates flying a toy plane that he dreamed into reality, which can miraculously fly without batteries. His raven, Chainsaw chases it and it’s adorable. 

It’s so fun to see the gang back together. Ronan can dream things into existence and we’re all okay with that. Adam is some kind of magic we don’t understand yet. Noah is dead. Gansey’s super power is loving his friends to the point of being annoying. And being obsessed with Glendower. Their new plan is to keep exploring the enchanted forest and hunt for the king. Blue continues to be adorable and poke fun at Gansey, who calls her Jane and likes to say shit to get a rise out of her. 

THEN we meet some dude who is described as the Gray Man. He has quite a pit of personality for someone who only wears grayscale shit. He walks into Declan’s dormitory at Aglionby and proceeds to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. Poor kid. He’s demanding to know where the Greywarren is?? And Declan is like “I have no idea what that is please stop hitting me.” And Gray Man says “You better find it for me or I’ll kill you and your whole family, kay bye.” Then he checks in to a bed and breakfast. 

I kind of remember Ronan saying Greywarren in the first book. It was something the trees called him in Latin and he was confused and said he didn’t understand. 

Anyway, both Gansey and Ronan have insomnia. So one night, Ronan wakes up with a puzzle box/decoder he manifested out of his dreams and takes it out to Gansey, who is also awake at 3am working on his scale model of Henrietta on the floor. They have a neat conversation about Ronan’s dream powers and the strange contraption he made that night. You type a word in English on one side and wooden letters rearrange in Latin, Greek, and some other language they can’t figure out. Gansey is very fascinated with how Ronan accomplishes this magic feat. Then he says “God I’m tired.” — “Then sleep.” — glare from Gansey, who would if he could. — “Wanna get orange juice?” … they get orange juice. 

The next day, Blue goes to work at the pizza place and the guys come. There’s a cute part where Adam touches her wrist. There’s an even cuter part earlier in the book, when Blue is thinking about the tree visions and her fate to kiss and kill her first love. She says to “fate”, if I’m destined to kill Gansey, I don’t want that to happen. If I’m destined to love him, I don’t want that either. It’s Adam I want. Eeeeee!!

While they’re chatting, the local douchebag Kavinsky shows up and exchanges some witty banter. Like genuinely witty. This kid is a dick, but he’s really funny. He gives Ronan some leather bands, just like the ones he’s already wearing and chewing on all the time… and this must have some significance but we don’t get it yet. So anyway, he leaves. And the boys are trying to figure out what the mystery language is on the dream box. Blue says “I bet Ronan knows what it is. Somewhere in there.” And Ronan snaps back “You don’t know shit.” And everyone at the table freezes. Gansey says in a threatening way to the table, “You are not to speak to Blue like that ever again, you hear me?” And Blue is like “BISH I don’t need you standing up for me! Fuck you rich boy and fuck you Ronan I will end you.”

The Gray Man is driving around town in a shitty rental car talking to the locals. Apparently there have been power outages and surges lately. He’s using instruments given to him by his boss… Greensomething. GREENMANTLE. And following the energy to a crazy rose bush and a creepy well. When he takes the lid off the well, the energy readings stop. 

Adam has been living in the musty little space above St. Agnes’ church paying rent to the nuns for a few months now. When he gets home from his mechanic job, Blue is there. This is such a BEAUTIFULLY written chapter (8) and Adam continues to be a beautifully written character. There is so much going on in this scene. From Adam pining over all the things he wants in life… to the anxiety of knowing he made a bargain with a magical forest that is hanging over his head because he has no idea what that fucking even means…. To his incredible attraction to Blue and deep desire to kiss her.

They have a sweet moment where they hug, and he’s getting signals, so he goes in for a kiss and she FREAKS OUT and steps back. This wounds him deeply, since it’s been weeks now, and he knows he should respect a girl when she says “no” but also just why?? I WISH BLUE WOULD JUST TELL THIS POOR BABY IF SHE KISSES HIM HE MIGHT DIE but I also see how that could be a difficult conversation, so she just keeps it vague like “I don’t want to move too fast.” — Adam takes a shower to exit from this awful interaction, and while he’s in there he catches sight of himself in the mirror and thinks he looks different. Like a little more gaunt than usual. And then he has this strange moment of scratching his skin. And the water feels like it’s falling in slow-motion. And then he gets this weird flash of water falling off leaves. 

So Adam steps out of the shower like “Wow. That’s weird.” And finds Blue talking to a Nun. The Nun explains that some weird tax thing happened and his rent has been lowered by $200. Adam is super relieved, and after she leaves, he opens a letter from Aglionby that he’s been ignoring… and that letter says that tuition has been raised by $200. He’s immediately like…… Gansey. He puts two and two together and is just livid. And he takes it out on Blue, so they get into a huge fight. And she storms out. And Adam feels like a fucking monster and more trapped than ever. And the chapter ends with him getting a flash of another image in his head. I THINK HE’S STARTING TO BECOME MAGICAL. But also, sweet baby. I hate that he carries all this pain. But god damn if he is not a fascinating character. They all are. I love them.

Gansey, Noah, and Ronan are dicking around a Dollar Tree when Adam calls. 

I love the idea of these 2 rich idiots and their dead friend just messing with chinsie toys and bullshit at the dollar tree. They went there for batteries but are standing around just being teenaged boys. Also the raven is with them. Adam tells Gansey he just saw a ghost woman in his apartment and it freaked him out. Noah finds a snow globe that he loves that is full of glitter, and Ronan and Chainsaw are being adorable and in an unusually good mood. Then Noah like, BLINKS OUT for a minute then comes back. The boys hypothesize that the leyline’s power is fluctuating. And it probably has something to do with Adam. 

Adam and Gansey get into a brief argument on the phone about the tuition… where it’s revealed to us the reader (but not the boys) that it was RONAN who adjusted Adam’s rent. There’s a great line like “The good thing about being Ronan is that no one ever expects you to be nice.”

Ronan has a dream about being in the forest and hanging out with a little blonde girl. He’s seen her before. And like everything there, she speaks in Latin and is super skiddish and afraid. She asks if he’ll take her with him before he wakes up. 

The next day, Adam calls Gansey again and Gansey invites him to one of his fancy rich people parties. He says there might be internship opportunities. Adam hates offers like this, because of that damn pride of his! But he actually considers accepting and pretty much says yes. Then he asks Gansey for some relationship advice about Blue… which makes Gansey deeply uncomfortable. 

Blue told him about her prophecy/curse when they were exploring the woods that one day. The same day he told her about the day he died of hornets. Again… it is driving me crazy… how none of these kids will just out and say this. But I appreciate the tension hahaha. Poor ADAM!! He asks Gansey if he’ll talk to Blue for him… maybe find out why she’s so skiddish about kissing in particular. Or if there’s something wrong with him. Gansey reluctantly says yes. 

Then there’s a cute bit with Ronan and Noah being boys and throwing shit out the factory window. Then Noah stomps back in all upset because Ronan threw HIM out the window. OH BOYS.

On Sunday, Ronan goes to church. He very much believes in God and the Devil… because he saw the devil once?? He saw his Dad talking to this goat-headed beast in the barn. And then Nial shot Satan 13 times in the head. And Satan flashed his dick at Niall and dissapeared. I AM NOT FUCKING WITH YOU. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. I’m just like… okay, Maggie. 

Ronan notices Declan all beat up and is happy to see it. But it’s weird. Normally the only people who can beat up Lynch brothers are other Lynch brothers. He says it was a robbery though. We meet Matthew, the most adorable of the brothers, who is kind of a clean-cut jock as opposed to being a brooding punk or a pompous future-senator. It’s worth mentioning that Noah joins Ronan at church, but no one acknowledges him. 

Ronan has a street race with that Kavinsky guy (who calls him a f**. REAL NICE.) — And before they race, Ronan throws a pair of sunglasses into Kavinsky’s car? They’re identical to the pair he’s wearing on his face, and he seemed kind of surprised by it. He asks how the hell he found a pair. Ronan doesn’t answer. And we all know we dreamed them. So that happens and it’s over. 

Is Kavinsky a dreamer too???

Meanwhile, Gansey and Adam are hanging out at Blue’s house. Gansey is in the kitchen with Blue and Adam is out in the reading room. Their fearless leader is talking with Maura and basically saying in much more fancy Gansey speak, “I think we’re going to have to go back to Cabeswater eventually. I can’t guarantee it’ll be safe, but I can say we’ll be as cautious as possible?” — Maura is like FINE. Then when they have a free moment, Gansey asks Blue if she’s talked to Adam about the whole “If I kiss you, it might kill you.” Thing. Blue gets flustered and is like “Of course not and it’s none of your business!” — Well he tried. Blue has a gentle chat with Adam who has laid out a deck of tarot cards and is just staring at them. He seems to be in a much better mood now, but things are still awkward between them. Gansey is adorable with his water bottle, which he pokes Blue with and is like “Fair Trade!” Like he deserves a prize for being more environmentally conscious. 

One day, the Gray man comes into the Blue House. He’s extremely charming. Says he’s there researching a book, but it comes out pretty quickly that he’s a hitman. The ladies aren’t really that afraid of him though. And he even plays little psychic card games with them before leaving. Persephone and Calla ask Maura why she allowed all that to go down, and she’s like… best to keep an eye on those types. 

So the gang is in the camaro on their way to Cabeswater, and things are still a little weird between Adam and Blue. He keeps getting visions and seeing figures (dead people?) and he’s worried that Cabeswater is going to like… take him.

Well they pull up to where Cabeswater is supposed to be and it’s just fucking gone. The whole forest… up and left like it never existed. And to make things worse, the camaro breaks down on the way home and they’re pretty far from civilization. Ronan is stomping around in frustration and Blue make some kind of comment like “Yeah let’s just throw rocks and be violent and do something manly like yell. That’ll really help.” and even though she says it to Ronan, Adam knows he was the one that was supposed to hear it (because he scared her by exploding in the apartment earlier). To make matters worse, Gansey and Blue formulate a plan together over the GPS and just seeing their hair touching is enough to make Adam feel real awful. He just presses his head against the seat back and groans. 

They ask Declan to bring a battery. Ronan pretends to be asleep, which pisses off his brother. It also pisses him off that Ronan’s leg is draped over Adam’s. He tells him to keep his fucking head down and out of trouble, drops the battery, and leaves. 

That night, Ronan has a truly AWFUL nightmare. He’s standing in Adam’s apartment, and there’s this mask on his wall that belonged to his father, but only in his dreams (??) and the little girl is there eating fried chicken lol. Well eventually, dream Adam shows up and puts on the mask, and the second it does it turns him into a MONSTER. Adam is both trying to get the mask off and posessed by some evil force attacking Ronan. Ronan manages to pull the mask off him easily, but when he does it takes Adam’s fucking face with it — so then he’s dying in the corner. And Ronan wakes up with the mask in hand. He has sleep paralysis so Noah talks him through it until he can move. This chapter ends with a weird clicking noise in the corner and I am very scared.

OH GOD IT GETS WORSE. Gansey is out sitting in his Camero in a thunderstorm because it’s 4:45am and he has insomnia. He’s feeling a bit sorry for himself at Cabeswater disappearing. I love this bit:

“…then instead gave himself over to feeling sorry for himself, that he should have so many friends and yet feel so very alone. He felt it fell to him to comfort them, but never the other way around. As it should be, he thought, abruptly angry with himself. You’ve had it the easiest. What good is all your privilege, you soft, spoiled thing, if you can’t stand on your own legs?”

I love Gansey so much. 

Noah comes out and flags him down, then leads him to the massive main room on the 1st floor that has no lighting and is full of dust and Ronan is just standing in the middle of it like a creeper while there is a storm outside. Chainsaw is there for levity… rolling in the dirt. So Ronan asks Gansey about the promise he made last year… after they found him in a pool of blood with slit wrists. He said he didn’t actually try to kill himself. He had a nightmare and brought the wounds back with him, but his father made him promise never to tell anyone about his dream powers, so he just let everyone think he was suicidal. And there’s still something banging and dragging around upstairs and I will fucking SHIT myself if it is Adam without a face.

Okay no it’s not that. But it’s still pretty fucking scary. Ronan grabs a crowbar. He gives Gansey a box cutter. And together they open the door to Ronan’s room to fucking fight some kind of… Raven person beast monster. It’s all claws and has red eyes and a huge beak but kind of a human body and totally fucks them up, but they fuck it up better. During the fight, Gansey notices Ronan has old scars on his arms beneath new ones from the claws. He asks Ronan if that’s how he got those injuries and he says “One got away”. So um… WOW. Like Gansey says, no wonder Ronan won’t sleep. That’s ten kinds of awful.

The next chapter starts with Gansey and Ronan fetching Blue with the dead, stinky bird man in the trunk. Then we get this phenomenal snippet:

“She wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.”

Fucking beautiful. This is chapter 18 by the way. I love this whole exchange at the beginning. Blue is struck by Gansey wearing blue jeans and a tshirt. It makes him look his age and not like a senator, like he usually does. The plan is to pick up Adam next and then go bury the body in Ronan’s farm (which he’s not legally allowed to enter for some reason). Also Noah dissapeared when all the shit went down and hasn’t come back yet. I do not blame him. 

They drive out to Ronan’s forbidden home which is like gorgeous fairy farmland. They have to go find a shovel in one of the many barns and discover that all of the livestock is sleeping with their eyes open. So… creepy? Even the little barn birds are doing it. Oddly enough the only animals not in this state are some baby mice. And there’s an adorable scene where Ronan says the only way to feel their little heartbeats it to hold them against your cheek, and everyone does it and can’t help but smile. It’s so freaking cute. 

Great prelude to burning a horrifying bird creature. But once that’s done, they decide to go to Ninos. Adam, throughout this whole trip, is getting spacier and spacier. He did smile at the baby mice though lol. But otherwise he’s just staring off into the sky. Before they leave, Ronan asks if he can go see his mom (who apparently had a meltdown after his Dad died and stopped talking). 

Ronan’s house is COOL!!! It is not rich bougie opulent like Gansey’s. It’s a proper farmhouse, cluttered and warm and packed with dream things. Like a lot of appliances that don’t require electricity. And some blue lilies sitting in a vase with no water. And the fucking MASK!! Ronan nearly tackles Adam to stop him from touching it, then that becomes the last straw. Ronan loves his home and misses it like crazy. And it’s killing him that he’s legally forbidden to be there. He doesn’t know how to process emotions, so he just starts punching the wall and destroying stuff. Adam stands there numbly, letting him. So Gansey thunders over, catches his fist, and tells him to cut it out. 

Ronan goes to see his mother in a sitting room filled with still more magical shit, and she’s asleep just like the livestock. In a coma and surrounded by medical stuff (nurses come and check on her periodically). Basically by the end of this chapter, Ronan realizes that many of the things in his home were dreamed by his father, and that’s why they’re in this holding pattern/coma-like state….Including his MOM!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!

The next day or hours later (sometimes it’s hard to tell time in these books lol) - Blue tells Ronan “You need to go talk to my aunts about this dream stuff. Manifesting objects from dreams is crazy enough, but manifesting PEOPLE?!” — And here’s the funny thing about Ronan. He’s a total punk, but he’s also pretty religious. So they get in a fight about “Is spiritualism the devil” until Gansey breaks it up and makes Ronan go.

So they go talk to Calla, the sassiest of the psychics, who talks to Ronan while doing aerial yoga lol because reasons. She tells him that Cabeswater is a dream. And Ronan thinks his mom might be in there. I’m confused by this, but I think we’re supposed to be… Like, did Ronan’s father DREAM Cabeswater? She also tells him to get rid of that mask “It’s a bit of bad work”. I’m really glad Adam didn’t touch it now!!

Matthew and Ronan have lunch. This chapter is interspersed with excerpts from Nial Lynch’s will, which explains each brother gets 3 million dollars when they turn 18 ON THE CONDITION that they stay off the property. (And I guess Declan is real pissed because Ronan did just that. But I guess maybe it was okay since no one saw?). The will also leaves Ronan with the farm, which he can’t set foot on…. So thanks Dad. Mathew mentions that Declan is taking sleeping pills, knows about Ronan and Nial’s dream powers, and has a gun in his car. Ronan says he has a plan to get Mom back. 

The Gray man is an interesting character. He is there on orders from a man named Greenmantle… looking for the Greywarren (all very strange names). The only thing he is afraid of is his brother, who he keeps dodging calls from. He has depression/gray days where he just stays in bed all day. He has a few of those before he realizes he left his wallet at the psychic house. So he’s going to go get that…AFTER HE GOES TO MONMOUTH MANUFACTURING slash base camp slash where our sweet heroes live and oh my god I will fucking die if he hurts anyone. 

Gansey has been depressed since Cabeswater dissapeared. It’s really messing with him. So he goes on a spending spree and buys some things for the factory (a leather chair, pool table, and some air conditioners) — and asks Blue’s cousin Orla to help because they need someone who is 21 years or older to rent a trailer lol. Orla shows up to the factory in bell bottoms and an orange bikini, and Gansey and Adam exchange looks. RONAN DOES NOT BECAUSE HE DOESN’T LIKE LAMPS. Seeing them blush drives Blue nuts, since she and Orla don’t get along. 

Then we get this beautiful line of thought from Gansey:

“She wore two shredded tank tops and a pair of bleached cargo pants. In some parallel universe, there was a Gansey who could tell Blue that he found the ten inches of her bare calves far more tantalizing than the thirteen cubic feet of bare skin Orla sported. But in this universe, that was Adam’s job.”

So not only did he rent a trailer, but he rented a boat. And as the Gray man pulls up on the factory, he sees all this and also sees a white Mitsubishi idling on the road (Kavinsky!!). Gansey and the gang head out with their trailers and boat. Then the Gray man waits for Kavinsky to pull in, drop off whatever he’s dropping off, and leave. When the Gray man approaches, he sees that Kavinsky has dropped off a stack of REALLY CONVINCING looking drivers licenses with Ronan’s picture and a birthdate that would make him 70 lol. I think Kavinsky is a dreamer!!!! While the Gray man breaks into the factory and pokes around, he calls Maura and flirts with her about getting his wallet back.

But while he’s there, two MORE people break into the factory and are ALSO looking through things, but being assholes about it and wrecking stuff. They’re about to stomp on Gansey’s model of Henrietta, which the Gray Man can’t stand, so he steps out and fucks them up. Murders one of them right off the bat. Asks the other one who sent them, and the guy says they were hired by someone with a French Accent to find the Greywarren, which they think is probably a box. This is new info for the Gray Man, who didn’t know if the Greywarren was a person, place, or thing. So he says thanks and then kills the guy.

Okay so the kids are on a boat and it’s hot as hell. Gansey has purchased a sonar machine that Ronan is beating into activation and Orla is stretched out tanning. They drive around looking for something to pop up on the sonar, and it finally does! So while Gansey is thinking about how to strip down and dive with all these girls present, Blue takes off one of her tank top layers and is like “I’m going in. BRB.” — Orla stands up and is like “No you don’t. I’m the only one actually wearing swimwear. I’ll get it.” And she strips down into her sexy orange bikini. The boy's reaction to his is PRICELESS.

I LOVE this bit with Gansey:

“A tiny part of Gansey’s brain said: You have been staring for too long. The larger part of his brain said: ORANGE. “Oh, for the love of God,” Blue said, and jumped out of the boat.”

Ronan laughs hysterically because, again, he doesn’t like lamps. 

Orla swims around for a while and gives up. But Blue manages to dive and find 2 objects. A metal plate thing called a boss that used to be part of an ancient shield adorned with raven stuff (Glendower is all about ravens!) and a camaro tire that looks like it’s hundreds of years old. So that’s creepy. (It’s also funny when she comes back on the boat, she spits lake water on Gansey’s shoes and says “There! Now they’re actually boat shoes.” — and Gansey is like: [indignant rich people noises!])

More Gansey thinking Blue is hot:

“Gansey still felt he ought to avert his eyes. Everything was wet and clinging in ways that seemed more titillating than he’d come to expect from Blue’s wardrobe.”

They head back to land and Orla is getting in Ronan’s BMW when Blue asks, “Seen enough of Orla?”

And Gansey blurts out “What care of it is yours whether I’ve seen enough.” (And quickly regrets it because this sounds like a dare. Or flirting. Which he desperately doesn’t want to do because it will compromise his friendship with Adam.)

Blue replies, “Not at all.” And he knows she’s lying. So we get this neat bit:

“Blue Sargent cared whether or not he was interested in Orla. She cared a lot. As she whirled toward the truck with a dismissive shake of her head, he felt a dirty sort of thrill.”

Ganssseeeyyyy!!! Has so got the hots for Blue. Oh god, Adam though. I don’t want this poor baby to get hurt. I mean he’s already been through so much and the magic invisible forest is scrambling his brain… please just be happy. 

When Blue comes home (soaking wet) she finds Noah doing ghost shit on her front lawn. I’m sorry, that’s way too blunt. I just thought it would be funny to write it. But he is doing something she’s seen him do maybe 4 or 5 times before… which is re-enacting the moment of his death. We see him get hit by the invisible skateboard and shiver and shake on the ground for like 11 minutes making horrific noises. Then he just blips and is standing next to Blue like “Hey Buddy!! What’s up! Did you go swimming today? NEAT!” And she’s like “Heyyyy Noah. What’s going through your head when you do that?” And he simply replies that he wasn’t there. Like he wasn’t conscious of doing that. WOW BEING A GHOST IS WEIRD. Also I love how no one noticed their roommate was a ghost in the first book. Was he doing this while he lived with them and they were like “Noah, cut it out!”?

Mister Gray buries the two dudes he murdered at the factory, all while asking Maura out on a date. Later, he shows up to her house to get his wallet and has a terse conversation with Blue — who senses that he is smart, and not to be underestimated. Blue is a smart cookie. She notices the way Mr. Gray tries NOT to care when Maura comes in and says Gansey is on the phone because his place got broken into. Blue is like okay this guy is something…

The night before Gansey and Adam go out of town, Gansey is in a fucking mood. He and Ronan drive out to Kavinsky’s substance party (his words, not mine) in an abandoned fairgrounds where a bunch of rich kids are getting high and destroying their cars. When they arrive, Kavinsky has this great line where he goes “Hey lady. To join this party you gotta bring drugs.” And then Ronan punches him… lol Kavinsky is either too high or too charismatic to care. But I thought it was so funny when he said “Hey lady.”

He says it wasn’t him that wrecked the place, which tips G & R off that the same person who beat up Declan might be looking for them too. Kavinsky is like “Hey before you go, wanna blow stuff up?” And Gansey is in just crazy enough of a mood to do it. So they throw some Molotov cocktails at cars — and it’s all very cinematic and poetic. I love angry/scary Gansey. He’s not unhinged angry. He’s just as intelligent and confident as he always is. But he’s a certain shade of lethal. Freaking love it. Kavinsky asks Ronan if he’s coming to the 4th of July party and he says maybe. This chapter ends with Ronan admitting to himself that he’s bummed Gansey and Adam are leaving town without him.

Mr. Gray and Maura have their date and it’s actually pretty cute. He opens up about his brother, who sounds like a complete fucking psychopath (torturing him and small animals as a kid). Their flirting is kind of adorable, and they even kiss! When he gets back to the Bed and Breakfast, he learns that his room has been turned upside down and ransacked. Also, Maura stole his phone and replaced it with his tarot card in his pocket (The something of swords… I forget haha)

Persephone wakes Blue up in the middle of the night to help break into the Gray Man’s phone. These psychic ladies straight up do not give a fuck. They get Blue to show them his emails and phone calls and they figure out (through a mix of that and psychic ability) that he is there looking for the Greywarren. His problem, they say, is that he thinks he’s looking for an object when he should be looking for Ronan. So that’s interesting that the psychics know Ronan is a/the Greywarren! They know that word?? The Gray Man calls and isn’t even mad about the phone. He just flirts with Maura some more. 

That night, Ronan has a dream about his tattoo. He hasn’t really looked at it since he got it, but he can see it clearly in this dream. It’s made up of all the stuff he dreams about. Ravens and claws and the road to the Barns and other scary and beautiful things. In the dream, ADAM IS BEHIND HIM, TRACING HIS FINGERS DOWN HIS BACK on the road to his home. Then Adam turns into Kavinsky. And that tattoo shrinks into the size of a wafer and he eats it… and Ronan wakes up in a cold sweat feeling shame and adrenaline. Poor sweet religious baby, I think we all know what he is struggling with. And it’s not lamps.

IT’S THE WEEKEND OF THE BIG FANCY RICH PEOPLE PARTY and Helen returns with her helicopter to fly Gansey and Adam to Northern Virginia. I’m really excited for this party???? Poor Adam is just terrified though. Nervous and anxious. When they land, Helen runs into a Whole Foods so Gansey asks Adam how he’s doing. Adam just lays down in the back of the car and asks to talk about anything else. For a minute, Gansey thinks, Blue, but tells himself don’t you fucking dare. So he calls his British friend Malory who is at a PIGEON SHOW and is all in a tizzy describing the birds, and there’s this adorable scene with the boys trying to hold in their laughter while he’s describing the pigeons. At one point he describes “Pigmy somethings” and are “very feisty” and Gansey mouths to Adam “Blue!” And Adam actually cracks up and laughs out loud. Then he’s back to looking like his old self, which makes Gansey extraordinarily happy. This scene is so cute. I love it so much. 

When Adam and Gansey left in the helicopter, Ronan watched them from the hood of his car. He even blew a sarcastic kiss to Gansey before he was out of view. So this first thing he does now that he’s alone is test the set of dream keys to the Camaro lol. They miraculously work, though he dare not drive the car. Gansey LOVES that car. Then he gets a text from Kavinsky that says “You gotta check out my new wheels. See you tonight at 11”. I feel like Ronan is the teenager left home alone while Mom and Dad are out of town lol.

Noah lets Blue into Monmouth Manufacturing to have a snoop fest because everyone is out. I love these paragraphs where the author describes them just doing teenager shit. Raiding the fridge. Playing pool. PLaying with the telescope. Putting on a record. I mean, they totally go through Gansey’s stuff hahaha like go through all he draws in his desk and everything. Then they even LAY DOWN IN HIS BED and we get this phenomenal bit of literature:

Only inches away, Noah blinked sleepily at her. Blue crumpled the edge of the sheet against her nose. It smelled like mint and wheatgrass, which was to say, like Gansey. 

As they baked in the sunlight, she let herself think it: I have a crush on Richard Gansey. 

In a way, it was easier than pretending otherwise. She couldn’t do anything about it, of course, but letting herself think it was like popping a blister. Of course, the opposite truth also seemed self-evident. I don’t have a crush on Adam Parrish. She sighed.

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! And also awww Adaaammm but also AWWWW BECAUSE I LOVE GANSEY AND BLUE. But omg I love Adam. IF ANYTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO ANY OF THESE KIDS I WILL NOT BE OKAY.

Okay so then Noah says he heard Blue won’t kiss Adam. And she tells him about the psychic prophecy, and confesses that Adam isn’t her true love, anyway. And she just has to go through life not kissing anyone for fear of killing them.  Then Noah has an idea: Well, you could kiss me. Oh my gosh I love this because the author completely unlocked a memory for me of how a first kiss feels. They are generally not great hahaha

His mouth mashed her lips until it met teeth. The entire thing was at once slimy and ticklish and hilarious. They both gasped an embarrassed laugh.

Oh my GOD this scene is so fucking cute. They sit up and keep trying, and the next kiss apparently feels like “kissing a dish washer” hahaha. “It’s hard because it’s you!” They say to each other, because they have what I think is firmly a friendship. When it comes to hanging out and being comfortable around each other, Blue is definitely closest to Noah… which I think is so adorable. He is so adorable. 

“Is it me?” She asks, because these kisses are terrible. And he’s like YEAH lol you’re too tense. Think of how they kiss in the movies and try to imitate that. 

I AM COPYING AND PASTING THIS WHOLE SECTION BECAUSE IT IS SO CUTE. 

She sighed and sifted through her memories until she found one that would do. It wasn’t a movie kiss, however. It was the kiss the dreaming tree had showed her in Cabeswater. Her first and only kiss with Gansey, right before he died. She thought about his nice mouth when he smiled. About his pleasant eyes when he laughed. She closed her eyes. Placing an elbow on the other side of her head, Noah leaned close and kissed her once more. 

This time, it was more of a thought than a feeling, a soft heat that began at her mouth and unfurled through the rest of her. One of his cold hands slid behind her neck and he kissed her again, lips parted. It was not just a touch, an action. It was a simplification of both of them: They were no longer Noah Czerny and Blue Sargent. They were now just him and her. Not even that. They were only the time that they held between them. 

Oh, thought Blue. So this is what I can’t have. Not being able to kiss whoever she fell in love with didn’t feel so different from not having a cell phone when everyone else at school did. It didn’t feel very different from knowing she wasn’t going to be studying ecology abroad for college, or going abroad period. It didn’t feel very different from knowing that Cabeswater was going to be the only extraordinary thing about her life. Which was to say that it was unbearable, but she had to bear it anyway. Because there was nothing terrible about kissing Noah Czerny, apart from him being cold. 

She let him kiss her, and kissed him back until he pulled back on an elbow and clumsily wiped away some of her tears with the heel of his fist. His smudge had gotten very dark, and he was cold enough that she shivered. Blue gave him a watery smile. “That was super nice.” He shrugged, eyes doleful, shoulders curled in on themselves. He was fading. It wasn’t that she could see through him. It was that it was hard to remember what he looked like, even while she was looking at him. When he turned his head, she saw him swallow. He mumbled, “I’d ask you out, if I was alive.” Nothing was fair. 

“I’d say okay,” she replied. She only had time to see him smile faintly. And then he was gone. She rolled onto her back in the middle of the suddenly empty bed. Above her, the rafters glowed with the summer sun. Blue touched her mouth. It felt the same as it always did. Not at all like she had just gotten her first and last kiss.

I CAN’T. I CAN’T. I CAN’T. I CAN’T — THIS FUCKING BOOK. I AM GOING TO THROW IT ACROSS THE ROOM and then retrieve it and sob all over it and read it some more. That was the cutest fucking scene… Noah is so cute. Blue is so sweet. Poor baby having to go through life not kissing anyone except for her ghost friend who she also kind of likes I guess but it’s a non-starter with him being dead and all. GAWD. AUGH. And on Gansey’s bed?? Fuck. 

Alright onto the next chapter. 

Ronan picks up Matthew from school and says “Get in the car bitch, we’re going to the house.” (He does not say that. But that’s what they do). While they’re poking around their house, which they are very much not allowed to do, Ronan finds his father’s will and tries to translate a line from it with the puzzle box. It doesn’t turn up with any interesting results. THEN THE OTHER FUCKING BIRD MONSTER IS IN THE HOUSE. There is a truly terrifying scene with the brothers bracing a heavy chest against the door to keep it out of the room with their mother. Then the Bird Person just leaves… because MR. GRAY shows up and is poking a round the room while they hide. He steals the puzzle box (probably thinking it’s the Greywarren) and leaves. So do the boys. 

OKAY PARTY TIME. I’M A BALL OF NERVES.

The Gansey mansion is of course, gorgeous. And so are the boys in their tailored suits. Gansey is a GOOD FRIEND. When some rich whose-a-what’s it claps his hand on the back of Adam’s neck, and he notices Adam having PTSD flashbacks of his father throwing him down flights of stairs, he rescues him and gets the man off him with a charming smile and introduction. Adam is collecting business cards left and right. (Yay!) but he’s also kind of losing it a little. He catches glimpses of himself in the mirror that don’t look right and a spirit touches his elbow. Painted branches in paintings look like they’re moving. 

There’s this one interesting part where a lady is talking to Gansey and trying to guess his age — and pauses because he has a tendency to look both old and young at the same time. This comes up a good bit so I wonder what’s up with that. Gansey hates this party, by the way, but he’s good at playing the part. And he’s being crazy protective of Adam, knowing this is uncomfortable.

There’s this one really strange moment where the lights go out, and Adam is hallucinating seeing ghosts all around him. And he and Gansey hear the singing of a choir of women, chanting in Latin “Make way for the Raven King.” — then the lights come back on. Turns out Adam is not completely crazy, because everyone saw the lights go out. They heard the choir too, but dismiss it as the musicians being musicians lol. I like that these rich people are like “Oh a ghost choir, how quaint. Har har har”. Gansey meets Adam’s eyes from across the room. THE LEYLINE IS BEING WEIRD, YOU GUYS.

Meanwhile, back in Henrietta, RONAN IS OUT IN THE DAMN CAMARO WAITING FOR KAVINSKY. Ronan noooooooo!!! Noah appears in the passenger’s seat and tells him he doesn’t want to watch him die. He’ll tattle on him. He’ll do it. Ronan’s response:

“Noah,” Ronan said tenderly, placing his palm on top of Noah’s cold, seven-years-dead hand, “you’re starting to piss me off.”

Well they race. And Ronan loses. And just as Noah is saying “Are you happy now?” THE FUCKING NIGHT HORROR LANDS ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR AND BREAKS THE WINDSHIELD. Again I say Noooooooo!!! Noah is a cutie and helps out despite being terrified. He wrestles the bird man on the hood, and manages to take one out. But there’s another one? EIther way, Noah crashes the car into a telephone pole. And then Kavinsky shows up and TAKES OUT A GUN and shoots the night horror, saving Ronan’s life. They stand by the side of the road for a while, and Ronan is freaking out because Gansey is going to kill him, and Kavinsky is like oh my god chill out and come with me. So he does.

Back at the party, Adam and Gansey take a break to go stand upstairs in the hallway outside of Gansey’s old room. They’re drunk— because this whole time, Adam thought he was being handed ginger ale, but somewhere along the way it became champagne. And they talk about their feelings and inevitably get into a fight. I think because they realize they’re on separate paths. Gansey hates this world and never wants to return to it. He loves Henrietta. But Adam hates Henrietta and sees this glittering rich people life as his old way out. They talk about Adam stealing the Camaro to wake the leyline and get into a huge fight where Adam finally lets it out that he hates feeling like he’s always taking orders from Gansey, and if he wants his help finding Glendower, he has to let him search the way he wants to search. Then he ends with this venomous line:

“I don’t need your wisdom, Gansey,” he said. “I don’t need you to babysit me. I got into Aglionby without you. I got Blue without you. I woke the ley line without you. I won’t take your pity.”

AUGH. And breaks some fancy shit on a table. And then they part ways. BABIES NOOOOO!!! Also Adam is just straight up seeing dead people all around him now. Like random men in bowler hats and this chapter closes with a random woman screaming but making no sound. 

Alright so Kavinsky… is a character lol. He’s so aloof and crazy, he’s hard to get a read on. But he drives Ronan out to his fairgrounds hideout and reveals a parking lot full of white Mitsubishi cars. All with an identical spoiler and knife graphic on the side. Some have 2 doors. Some have no doors. Some have 4 doors. So Ronan realizes that Kavinsky is a dreamer too, and evidently a better one than he is because he can manifest a whole ass car. So I think these two are in some kind of plan to dream up a new Camaro. 

Sad Gansey is sad. With the party still raging, he goes out to a fountain in the garden and calls Blue, and doesn’t tell her anything, just asks her to describe what’s going on in her house. What is everyone doing? And he lays down on the fountain and listens to her talk. And that’s it. That’s the whole chapter. So fucking cute.

The next chapter is all about the Gray man going about his day… snooping around the Kavinsky household. Talking to his Mom?? Who is slumped over a toilet maybe high?? Then we move on. He snoops around Ronan’s BMW and sees that the VIN number is Nial Lynch’s birthday. He waxes poetic about Maura and how much he loves her while he beats up a priest at St. Agnes asking if the Lynch brothers had ever confessed anything weird. It’s violent and adorable at the same time. 

The next morning, Gansey is barely holding it together through his mother’s fussy book club luncheon, entertaining 50 year old women and drinking tea. Helen saves him though, noticing he looks miserable. So once he’s in the kitchen, he gets a second to check his texts and Ronan tells him he wrecked the Camaro, but it’s going to be okay and say hi to his Mom. Gansey is like… slowly unraveling at this point lol. He calls Ronan’s phone, but Kavinsky picks up, which is unnerving, and Kavinsky is impossible to talk to. It’s all jokes and quippy quips. He asks to talk to Ronan and Kavinsky goes, “Hey Ronan. WAKE UP FUCK-WEASEL, IT’S YOUR GIRLFIREND. Now he’s pissed. Can I take a message?” And Gansey eventually hangs up on him because Ronan won’t take the phone. 

Ronan wakes up in Kavinsky’s bougie home movie theater after a crazy alcohol bender. They talk a little about being Greywarens and Kavinsky reveals that he saw Ronan’s “suicide attempt” last year. His window was nearby or something. So he saw Ronan wake up and the scars appear and he’s known what Ronan was ever since. 

When Gansey finally plucks up the courage to talk to Adam, he realizes he’s GONE. He looks all over the place, then gets Helen involved. Then gets his family involved. Then gets the police involved. It’s a full-on Adam man-hunt until Gansey finally gets a phone call from him on some Virginia number he doesn’t recognize. Apparently Adam was found on the side of the highway fifteen miles away and can’t remember how he got there. It took him a while to remember Gansey’s number so he could call. When they pick him up, he looks AWFUL and barely talks. He talks to the family doctor on the phone and passes out on the couch soon after, so the Gansey family goes upstairs to talk.

I kind of love them. They’re rich, but they’re not complete assholes. Helen explains that the doctor said this sounded like a case of… Transient global amnesia. Which is kind of like a mental breakdown where people have spells of wandering off then kind of snapping out of it and not knowing where they are. It’s stress-induced, so the family asks Gansey why Adam might be stressed, and he spills the beans about Adam coming from an abusive household and refusing to live with him. They hatch a plan to try to give Adam a car, but make it sound like he’s taking Helen’s “shitty college car” off her hands….. when they’re actually going to just go buy like a 10 year old Honda lol. That’s cute. But OH GOD POOR ADAM!! He’s losing his marbles!!

Back in Henrietta, Kavinsky is trying to teach Ronan how he brings back such elaborate things from dreams. They’re practicing, basically. Kavinsky is super cavalier about dream stuff. He says to get in and get out before your dream place catches on to you. Take your stuff and leave. They pop green pills that Kavinsky probably dreamed, and it knocks you out immediately (and I think kills you briefly?? Like they stop breathing for a second, then wake up)

When Ronan wakes up, he’s paralyzed for a few seconds. This doesn’t happen to Kavinsky. When Ronan goes to the dream forest, Orphan Girl screams at him to leave (I think she might know his heart is stopping. Or it also might be hurting the leyline energy to manifest stuff from dreams). Ronan and Kavinsky spend basically 2 days doing this… sleeping in the dang car and surviving solely off drugs and Twizlers (Well, Kav does drugs. Ronan just sticks to the dream pills). He tries to bring the Pig (the Camaro) back and ALMOST does it successfully, only it has no engine lol. So Kavinsky gives him a RED pill this time, and we get this weird scene:

Ronan was a stranger in his own body. The sunset cut into his gaze, slantwise and insistent. As his muscles twitched, he lowered himself onto his chest and then rested his cheek against the hood, the heat of the metal not quite painful enough to be unbearable. He closed his eyes. This wasn’t the hurtling-to-sleep pill of before. This was a liquid fatality. He could feel his brain shutting down. After a moment, he heard the hood groan as Kavinsky leaned over him. Then he felt the ridged callus of a finger drag slowly over the skin on his back. A slow arc between his shoulder blades, drawing the pattern of his tattoo. Then sliding down his spine, tensing every muscle it moved over.

Then he passes out and is able to come back with the ACTUAL Camaro. The Orphan girl seems sad — asking him why he’s stealing from them. When Ronan is like “Okay thanks for the pills and the dream training. Bye.” Kavinsky freaks out and is like “You’re running back to HIM? I thought it was going to be you and me! If you’re not with me, you’re against me.”

I think Kavinsky likes Ronan. In other news, NOW THE PIG IS BACK! 

And now Adam has a car. Helen’s plan pulled off perfectly. They found a truly shitty car and pretended like the towing company failed to pick it up so it would be doing her a favor and saving her money if he just took it. The Gansey family is so cute. They all leave him little gifts. Adam laments about ruining their Saturday, but also can’t get over the fact that he doesn’t even remember Saturday. Adam is like… hanging by a thread. He keeps disassociating and seeing spirits and trees and has to snap himself back to reality. Even though they haven’t 100% made up yet, he’s touched by the fact that it’s taking every shred of Gansey’s will power to not ask “Are you okay? Do you need anything? You’re my best friend and I love you please be okay.” — So they head back to Henrietta.

The Gray Man comes to 300 Fox Way and I’ve decided I love him. He’s so cute and in love with Maura. He makes her a flower crown. They talk about the Greywaren and how he’s finally figured out it’s a person, not a box. And he can’t go through with kidnapping (Killing he’s fine with but not kidnapping minors lol). With Maura there, Gray calls Greenmantle and tells him, “Hey, the Greywarren isn’t here. I looked everywhere. I think the fault lines are causing the weird energy flow. We gotta keep looking.” And Greenmantle is like… “Okay fucker, you found it didn’t you? I’m on to you. I’m going to call your brother and tell him where you are so he can come fuck your shit up.” (Seriously, his brother sounds awful). So now THAT’S a thing! Greenmantle is coming for everybody. Also Gray Man’s name is Dean.

The next chapter opens with “Gansey only had a few seconds of warning before the Camaro hit him” hahaha. He is like.. LIVID with Ronan. They pull over and Ronan reveals the new Pig Dream car (that has an engine this time.. and is somehow INVINCIBLE. Like you hit it and the metal just pops back into place.) Gansey is struck by Ronan offering a sincere apology for stealing his car. It’s also kind of adorable how proud Ronan is of this creation (as he should be). Gansey is so relieved to see Ronan’s old smile and genuine laugh that he drops his anger easily. Ronan also thinks he knows why Cabeswater dissapeared. They have to stop Kavinsky because that idiot is draining all the magic with his 100 Mitsubishi cars.

Blue makes Calla look at the Camaro wheel and the Shield thingy and this is what she has to say:

Camaro wheel: “He’s not alone when he leaves the car behind.”

Sheild: “They were dragging him at this point. The horses had died. The men were weak. It wouldn’t stop raining. They meant to bury the shield with him, but it was heavy so they left it behind.”

I swear to god. If Gansey ends up dying in this book, I will not be okay. If there’s some kind of tie-in to him and Glendower.. like eventually the gang is going to have to DRAG HIS BODY and try to bury it with the Camaro I will lose my shit. 

When they get home Adam is on the front door step. 

He comes up to Blue’s room and they get into a fight. She finally tells him about the prophecy, and then she has to be honest and say that even if the prophecy didn’t exist… she realized she doesn’t love Adam. She really wanted to, but she just doesn’t. Blue can also be a little too testy for her own good sometimes. She gets easily offended by the slightest hint of misogyny… which is why Gansey makes fun of her for it all the time. Seriously, she kind of says some mean shit. Which is not great because Adam is losing his grip on reality. And now he just feels alone and unloved and so distant from everyone he thought were his friends. 

Persephone catches him on his way down the stairs, which is great because he is full on hallucinating, and she pulls him into the reading room. She says Blue can come if he wants her to be there. And he says no. He wants to do this alone. Persephone explains that he’s out of balance. And she gives him pie lol. And they do this scrying ritual where he looks into a pool of black water to finally confront himself and come to terms with what’s been going on. So he sacrificed his eyes and hands to Cabeswater, but he didn’t sacrifice his mind. So Persephone tells him to quit giving that up. Next, she explains that he hasn’t been listening to Cabeswater. It’s been trying to get his attention with all the ghosts and stuff, but he’s been too wound up in his own pain to listen. So he basically has a psychic acid trip and puts himself back in balance. When he comes out of the vision, he can FEEL tarot cards. Like a heartbeat.

He pulls the Magician which is like… his symbolic card. ADAM IS PSYCHIC NOW and will hopefully feel less crazy from here on out. 

He literally passes out on the couch and Persephone says he’ll probably be out for a while. Like a whole day, and when he wakes up he might feel sick. Something huge shifted in him and I can’t wait to see what happens next to this sweetheart. 

Blue is majorly depressed about the fight they had. “Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with Adam?” She thinks. She also thinks Adam is so attractive and she could have even kissed him without worrying about killing him. But she’s Blue. And she doesn’t do dishonest stuff like that. Also she’s got the hots for Gansey like whoa. 

SO SHE CALLS HIM. And asks him to take her somewhere. 

So he shows up with his dream car. And in her favorite kind of outfit — the casual kind with his wire framed glasses (not the done-up preppy Gansey). He asks what happened and she says that she and Adam had a fight. But doesn’t want to talk about it. Instead, like she did for him by the fountain earlier, Gansey tells her about everything going on in his life. About the party and Ronan’s powers and Pigeons etc etc. Blue is finally ready to hear about Adam, so he tells her about how he blacked out and wandered off after they had an argument. 

I’m going to copy and paste most of this chapter. DEAL WITH IT!!!!

“Oh, Jane,” he said suddenly. “If you’d been there when we got the call about him walking on the interstate, you would’ve …” He trailed off before she found out what she would’ve done. And then, all of a sudden, he pulled himself together. “Ha! Adam’s communing with trees and Noah keeps reenacting being murdered and Ronan’s wrecking and then making me new cars. What’s new with you? Something terrible, I trust?” 

“You know me,” Blue said. “Ever sensible.”

They have a great conversation about how they both come from families with a lot of love. And Adam never experienced that. So of course he reacts differently to things in life. Gansey talks about how much he hates Adam’s parents. The bruises he’d come to school with. It broke his heart. 

They drive up to a sort of “Lookout point” and park overlooking the glittering city. He says he’s been all over the world, but Henrietta is the only place that feels like home. He feels like he belongs here. But if he belongs here, why does it hurt so much?

SHUT UP AND READ THIS CUTE PART:

“Jane, in this light,” he started, “you … Jesus. Jesus. I’ve got to get my head straight.” He suddenly threw open the door and got out, seizing the roof to pull himself out faster. He slammed the door and then walked around the back of the car; one hand scrubbed through his hair. 

The car was utterly quiet. She heard the buzzing of night insects and singing of frogs and slow chirps of birds who should have known better. Every so often, the cooling engine let out a little sigh like a breath. Gansey didn’t return.

Fumbling in the dark, she pushed open her door. She found him leaning against the back of the car, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m sorry,” Gansey said, not looking at her as she leaned on the car beside him. “That was very rude.” 

Blue thought of a few things to reply, but couldn’t say any of them out loud. She felt like one of the night birds had gotten inside her. It tumbled and fumbled every time she breathed. He’s going to die; this is going to hurt — But she touched his neck, right where his hair was cut evenly above the collar of his shirt. 

He was very still. His skin was hot, and she could very, very faintly feel his pulse beneath her thumb. It wasn’t like when she was with Adam. She didn’t have to guess what to do with her hands. They knew. This was what it should have felt like with Adam. Less like playacting and more like a foregone conclusion. 

He closed his eyes and leaned, just a little, so that her palm was flat on his neck, fingers sprawled from his ear to his shoulder. Everything in Blue was charged. Say something. Say something. 

Gansey lifted her hand gently from his skin, holding it as formally as a dance. He put it against his mouth. Blue froze. Absolutely still. Her heart didn’t beat. She didn’t blink. She couldn’t say don’t kiss me. She couldn’t even form don’t. He just leaned his cheek and the edge of his mouth against her knuckles and then set her hand back. “I know,” he said. “I wouldn’t.” 

Her skin burned with the memory of his mouth. The thrashing bird of her heart shivered and shivered again. “Thanks for remembering.” He looked back over the valley. 

“Oh, Jane.” 

“Oh, Jane, what?” 

“I can’t — we can’t do this to him.” It was jagged inside her. 

“I’m not a thing. To have.” 

“No. Jesus. Of course you’re not. But you know what I mean.” She did. And he was right. They couldn’t do this to him. She shouldn’t do it to herself, anyway. But how it made a disaster of her chest and her mouth and her head. 

“I wish you could be kissed, Jane,” he said. “Because I would beg just one off you. Under all this.” He flailed an arm toward the stars. “And then we’d never say anything about it again.” 

That could’ve been the end of it. I want something more. She said, “We can pretend. Just once. And then we’ll never say anything about it again.” What a strange, shifting person he was. 

The Gansey who turned to her now was a world away from the lofty boy she’d first met. Without any hesitation, she stretched her arms around his neck. Who was this Blue? She felt bigger than her body. High as the stars. 

He leaned toward her — her heart spun again — and pressed his cheek against hers. His lips didn’t touch her skin, but she felt his breath, hot and uneven, on her face. His fingers splayed on either side of her spine. Her lips were so close to his jaw that she felt his hint of stubble at the end of them. It was mint and memories and the past and the future and she felt as if she’d done this before and already she longed to do it again. 

Oh, help, she thought. Help, help, help. He pulled away. 

He said, “And now we never speak of it again.”

THIS FUCKING BOOK I SWEAR TO GOD. I read this last night on my phone at like 1am and had to take periodic breaks to breathe and look at the ceiling. This is so fucking sweet. AUGH!!!

Ronan is trying to enjoy watching his Raven hide a cheezeit from him when Kavinsky keeps texting him incoherent shit. Some of it is threatening. Some of it is flirting. They also had a conversation about Kavinsky’s father trying to kill him, so I think this kid is not okay lol. So Ronan falls asleep without the help of the pills and dreams up his FATHER! His father explains that the will has a loophole. “This Will stands as a fact unless a newer document is created” ….. and I instantly feel stupid for not thinking of this sooner. It’s okay. Ronan feels stupid too. It’s like a fun little trick his father played that could have cost the brothers their entire future. THANKS DAD!!

Blue is trying to sleep when her Mom crawls into bed with her and there’s this cute scene where they both realize they’re crying. Blue because she realized she’s in love with Gansey and he’s going to die. Maura because she likes Mr. Gray and she’s worried this Greenmantle dude is going to kill him. 

Mr. Gray gets a call from Greenmantle saying he has 2 days to deliver the Greywaren or he’s going to come get him. Or sic is brother on him. Both are bad.

Adam ends up sleeping for 21 HOURS. When he gets up, Henrietta is preparing for the 4th of July. It’s also his birthday! Either the 4th or the 3rd when he was conked out. The author hurls a bunch of rapid fire information at us here. Like Calla’s office was broken into (wherever she works). A white Mitsubishi with keys in the ignition shows up at Monmouth Manufacturing with a note that says “This one’s for you. Just the way you like it. Fast and anonymous.”

And Gansey goes “I think he needs to come to terms with his sexuality.” LOL

When Adam leaves the psychic house, Persephone leaves shortly after in a taxi in the same direction. I guess we will figure out what that means later. 

Ronan texts Kavinsky and says “Would you stop bringing back dream shit if you knew it was destroying the world?” And Kavinsky goes, “GOD THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.” — so Ronan and Gansey think “Welp. Now we gotta kill him.” (Just kidding, they don’t say that)

Maura, Calla, and Blue show up in their Ford to pick up Ronan and Gansey. The amount of times people climb into cars in this book not knowing why or where they’re going is pretty funny. The boys are like “What is happening??” - the psychics say “Get in bitch. We’re going to the bed and breakfast Gray is staying at!” Just kidding they don’t actually say anything, because the next chapter starts with the boys standing around like “WHY ARE WE HERE?”

There’s a cute bit where Ronan notices Gansey and Blue are staying far away from each other, so they must have had a fight hahaha

I also love this line: 

He [Gansey] was clearly discomfited by what Maura had told him about Adam on the ride over. Ganseys were creatures of habit, and he wanted Adam here, and he wanted Noah here, and he wanted everyone to like him, and he wanted to be in charge.

I love this kid so much. I probably relate to him a little too much.

FINALLY Maura answers everyone’s questions as to why they’re standing in a bed and breakfast room. She says when Mr. Gray comes here, Ronan has to look him in the eye and convince him not to kidnap him. Ronan is like….. “So hit him?” 

“No, not hit him.”

“I punch?”

“No punch. You’re the Greywaren and he was sent here to bring you to some rich evil person. And he’s not the only one. There are people crawling all over this city looking for you.” (I’m paraphrasing all this dialogue, by the way)

“Why don’t we just let him take Kavinsky?” - Blue says.

“If they take that other boy, they’ll be back for the snake.” - says Calla.

Also Kavinsky is too stupid to know he’s hurting the leyline. — Ronan

Then the Gray Man arrives.

And explains that if he doesn’t turn in the Greywaren to this eccentric millionaire collector of magical things, his brother is going to hunt him down and torture and murder him. He reveals to Ronan that it was HE who killed his father (sent by Greenman to send a message to Declan, who he thought knew where the Greywaren was). Ronan, who had been pretty cool up until his point, launches at Gray and they get into a scuffle. Even cute little Chainsaw helps lol. It’s chaos up in this bed and breakfast and when Calla says “You, pretty one! Do something!” Gansey is like “Nah I think this is justified.” — Eventually they’re just panting on the floor. And Gray says that on the 4th of July, he’s going to call his boss and say that he found the Greywaren, but he’s keeping it for himself. And then he’s going to run. 

MEANWHILE. Adam is having a gay old time in the woods. Okay I don’t mean to make light of this. Actually, it’s REALLY NICE to see him so at peace and finally feeling okay with himself, and the world, and detached from the pain he’s been carrying his entire life. I mean a side effect is kind of…. Also being detached from his friends. Which sucks. But everyone knows you need to love yourself before you can love others, so I like this.

Can I also insert a note that NO ONE HAS SEEN NOAH SINCE HE TACKLED THE NIGHT TERROR??? Um guuyysss??????

Alright so Persephone comes out to help, and together they figure out that the leyline is like a frayed wire. So they drive around all afternoon beneath a big dramatic thunderstorm sensing out rocks. Adam can FEEL the leyline and Cabeswater and knows exactly where all of the special rocks are haha they rearrange them in certain ways, or in some cases, take them and put them in the car. 

So Kavinsky’s big 4th of July drug and explosion extravaganza starts. But not before he sends Ronan and threatening text because he has KIDNAPPED MATTHEW. Like an ACTUAL VILLAINOUS ASSHAT. I thought he was just like… Ronan’s rebellious, party hardy friend. Turns out he’s fucking crazy and real mad that Ronan “Didn’t choose him”. 

They show up and see Kavinsky arrive with 10 identical Mitsubishis driven by his friends. Matthew is in one of them. And Kavinsky won’t listen to reason. He pops a green pill and promptly passes out against the car. Blue and Gansey are like ummmmm….okay? But Ronan is like shit shit shit he’s going to Cabeswater. He’s going to bring back something awful. You guys find Matthew. I’ll be right back. And he pops and green pill too. 

I just imagine Gansey and Blue standing there like “UMMMMM????”

Of course through all of this, killing Kavinsky would be a simple solution, but none of our boys are murdererers so…

In the dream world (aka Cabeswater), Ronan finds Kavinsky getting the shit beaten out of him by the trees. They are sick and tired of these punks coming and stealing their magic. 

We get this exchange:

“You don’t have to do this,” Ronan said. 

“There isn’t anything else, man.” 

“There’s reality.” 

Kavinsky laughed the word. “Reality! Reality’s what other people dream for you.” 

“Reality’s where other people are,” Ronan replied. He stretched out his arms. “What’s here, K? Nothing! No one!” 

“Just us.” 

There was a heavy understanding in that statement, amplified by the dream. I know what you are, Kavinsky had said. 

“That’s not enough,” Ronan replied. 

“Don’t say Dick Gansey, man. Do not say it. He is never going to be with you. And don’t tell me you don’t swing that way, man. I’m in your head.” 

“That’s not what Gansey is to me,” Ronan said. 

“You didn’t say you don’t swing that way.” 

Ronan was silent. 

Thunder growled under his feet. “No, I didn’t.”

I love the way homosexuality is handled in this book. There’s not one ounce of cliche.

Kavinsky is strong though, and creates a DRAGON MADE OF FIRE, totally tapping Cabeswater and promptly disappearing back to the real world. Ronan is left alone with the Orphan Girl, who explains to him that “He is the only one”. There may be others in this world that have dream powers, but there’s only one Greywaren. I don’t know what that means. Probably just that he has a special connection with the leyline. 

Kavinsky has totally dried up the leyline magic. Adam can sense it. So using his newfound badass intuition, he arranges the rocks he’s been collecting, POINTS AT THE SKY LIKE A LITERAL MAGICIAN, and gets a lightning bolt to strike in the middle of it. Don’t think too hard about how this happens. Adam is magic now. That’s all we need to know. Ronan, in the dream, in Cabeswater, can SEE ADAM doing this in the real world, and they have an amazing moment of recognition where Adam says “I know it was you who arranged the rent. I figured it out.” But he’s not mad. He’s calm. (Maybe… appreciative?) — and then Adam is like “Now Ronan. Go.”

And with the leyline charged up from the lightning strike (thanks magic Adam!) Ronan tries to think of something to defeat Kavinsky’s dragon. But at the worst possible moment, all he hears is the sound of a night horror. He’s like um, no trees. Bad trees. This is not helpful. 

But the trees reply something to the effect of: A sword is only dangerous in the hands of someone… like… looking to hurt people with it. Or something. DO not fear your night horrors, Ronan. (But in pretty Latin tree speak)

A giant fucking two-headed albino raven manifests.

“Why do you hate you?” (The Orphan girl asks)

Ronan thought about it. The albino night horror swept in, talons opening. 

Ronan stood up, stretching out his arm like he would to Chainsaw. “I don’t,” he said. 

And he woke up.

Love it. Love this metaphor for Ronan coming to terms with himself. (Our religious boi… has a lot going on)

So back in the real world there’s an epic kaiju battle between a fire dragon and a lightning raven and everyone is too drunk and high to notice. They’re all cheering like “WHOA!! Kavinsky’s fireworks are always so crazy!”. Meanwhile Blue and Gansey are running around checking all of the Mitsubishis for Matthew. 

There’s fire everywhere. Everything is on fire and it’s getting worse by the second while Kavinsky stands on the hood of the car losing his god damned mind. He reminds Ronan that he killed his own father. AND EVEN HIS BEST FRIEND Propopenko. Then he just dreamed them back into existence — clever duplicates. This kid is actually insane. 

Finally, they find Matthew in the trunk of one of the cars. They get him out and hit the ground just before the fire dragon careens down toward them. Kavinsky won’t get off the car. And he utters “Life is a nightmare.” Before his own creation kills him. DUDE this kid is messed up. Once he’s dead, all of the dream things go into their coma state. Propopenko’s car crashes because he’s asleep at the wheel. 

Alright so the last knot to tie up is the Gray man. He’s in the dream Mitsubishi. He’s driving down the highway drawing out all the other hit men AND his homicidal brother. This goes on for a while and the author does a great job of building up the tension. They drive and drive and drive. He pulls into a gas station and has a lovely chat with some henchmen, convincing them to give up and go away. 

Then, the moment of truth. 

He has to face his brother, who has tortured him in the past and will surely torture him again. We’re all just dreading this. Like oh my god what’s he gonna do? WHat kind of epic battle are they gonna have in this parking lot? What are we going to have to endure reading as Gray’s brother ties him up and tortures him. 

Welp.

They pull up in their cars, side by side. And Gray’s brother is like “Hellooo brother.” And Gray just…. Reaches for a gun in the passenger's seat and shoots him. Twice. 

He’s dead now. 

All that build up and the guy gets shot and Gray drives off. I laughed out loud at this. Like literally, this is like Whelk dying by getting trampled by random dream beasts. Like… OKAY, WE’LL TAKE IT!!!

In the epilogue, Cabeswater is back. The leyline has been restored and balanced. Ronan and Mathew go get their comatose mother and take her to the forest. The second they arrive, she wakes up. Noah is back!! Ronan dreams a new will that allows him and his brothers to set foot at the Barns whenever they want. But they can’t live there until they’re 18. 

Ronan stares at Adam for an absurd amount of time, noticing how different he looks (now that he’s not depressed or crazy). Noticing how attractive he is. There’s this beautiful line about secrets. And how “Adam Parrish was Ronan’s second secret.” — AWWWWW

Adam shows the gang how the pool in Cabeswater dried up, and now it has revealed a black-rock cave leading deep underground. Gansey is immediately like “Do we go in it? Do we go in now? Glendower down there. I find Glendower.” And Adam is like “I don’t think it’s safe.” — and everyone trusts the boy with a mental link to the magic forest.

This book ends with everyone clamoring back to 300 Fox Way (I think they got a phone call) and they find a tipped over skrying bowl, and a sloppy note from Maura that says “Glendower is underground and so am I.”

DUN DUN DUNNNN THE END!!!!

Well, I just loved this book and I am ecstatic that I am halfway through this series. This world is weird. I love the writing voice. I love these CHARACTERS SO MUCH and I love how much they love each other. They just care about each other SO MUCH. I’m trying to avoid spoilers like crazy while I look at fan art. I am not okay about Gansey being fated to die. I am not okay about him and Blue being so in love and not able to kiss. This series is wrecking me. 

I can’t wait to read the next book and learn how the next villain gets killed anticlimactically lol. I do feel sorry for Kavinsky. He was very troubled. Poor boy had too much money and power and not enough love. And I like that the Gray man is part of the gang now. BUT NOW WE HAVE TO FIND MAURA!!!

Deadass Rating: 8.5/10

Unofficial theme song: “Trying to Sleep” byWolfie’s Just Fine

[the-crow-binary]

A fiver :D Hector, Isaac, Leon, Mathias and Rosaly <3

Oh, it's on. >:3

Hector:

Favorite thing about him: Hmmm, i'm not sure... his relationship with Isaac ? (the fact he spares Isaac in the PtR manga because he, apparently, can't get himself to kill his old friend... yet).

Least favorite thing about him: His seeming attraction for Julia >:l

Favorite line: Oooo it's a hard one... i have plenty. "Forgive me... it's not your sin." (Hector to his devils in the PtR manga) "Get away, you're bothering the lady" (Hector to crows also in the PtR manga LISTEN IT'S NOTHING BUT THE WHOLE PANEL IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE-). Also, from the other manga... "...Ha ha ! You... did you acquire your powers just so you could become Dracula's pawn ? [...] I am human. I sought this power so that i could remain human ! Not for anyone's sake ! For me !! For myself !! Not to be the pawn in some ridiculous plot for revenge !!" those lines are not only a great show of character, but also MULTIPLE HARD SLAPS IN ISAAC'S FACE LMAO

BrOTP: Isaactor. And also Hevor. <3

OTP: Isaactor BECAUSE I DON'T SEE WHY THEY CAN'T BE BOTH BROES AND HOES and also Hevor BECAUSE SAME THING (listen. i can't choose. leave me alone. >:c)

nOTP: Helia :')

Random headcanon: Hector always cared about Isaac in one way or another since they met and then he got Rosaly killed

Unpopular opinion: His 3D model's lips are ugly <3 (they always bugged me during the cutscenes i'm sorry :c)

Song i associate with him: Eeeeee I don't have any coming to mind eoirhgrsmgmlkresnglmskd (even though we already shared a few in DMs, smh)

Favorite picture of him:

Remember when Rosaly thanked (a very traumatised) Hector for being born ? :') Yeah. :') Please Rosaly, give this man all the hugs for us... :')

Isaac:

Favorite thing about him: HIS WHOLE DAMN BEING LIKE FUCK. GAH. I LOVE HIM MUCH MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD- also the whole stabbing scene also his japanese voice also the whole stabbing scene WITH HIS JAPANESE VOICE <3

Least favorite thing about him: The fact he used a light saber for his final fight :/

Favorite line: I'm just going to do like Hector. "Why did you betray us ?!" he so cared :') His poor little gay heart has been broken :') "With a broken sword as a walking stick. Look at this pathetic sight. My body is the proof of your expectations of him. Ridicule me, scold me. Next time, it will be by any means. Everything concludes with you. The conclusion-" going with "Don't tell me it has nothing to do with your treachery. If my head had rolled, I would not have seen this, Hector...!". Sobbing and crying on the floor. Also, a line from the actual game this time: "You resurrected the Castle ! Hector... Bravo !" HE'S MOCKING HECTOR SO HARD OIERHGMSLDGRLKSDNG

BrOTP: Isaabel. <3

OTP: You may expect me to say Isaactor but NO. IT'S ACTUALLY ISAAVOR !! And Isaacula &lt;;3 and Maac and Graac

nOTP: Isaac x any woman, really.

Random headcanon: He used to be the one to teach Hector about the Dark Arts, until Hector started being better than him <3

Unpopular opinion: The same as yours >:( "He's far more than crazy gay joker and he wipes the floor with N!Isaac" >:(

Song I associate with him: Many, one of wich is The Master's Song, because he's that much of a simp for Drac <3

Favorite picture of him: Outside of every single screenshot you can get of him during the stabbing scene ? Probably this one:

Look at him <3 Discovering his home absolutely destroyed for the first time <3 Not quite realising his dear Lord is dead yet... because the shock is just too great... and then this bat flies to him and it's a sign of hope. You can see it in his eyes, "if this bat is here then it means i'm not alone yet, it means He is still-" and then the next panel the bat dies :) And so does all his hope. Rage blooming inside him to cover the grief. :) This page is the last moment of Isaac's sanity before it starts sliping away <3 (in this version of the events, at least)

Leon:

Favorite thing about him: This man has left his whole life behind to go save his betrothed. He turned his back on the church he has served for years and thought probably very highly of, because they'd rather fight other humans than monsters. And he was having none of this shit <3 He just left them, even gave them back their sword, and that's very sexy of him. He has morals, and he will follow them no matter what. <3

Least favorite thing about him: His 3D model >:( Especially HIS HAIR

Favorite line: "I see. Give him this message: You have become a cursed being and I will never forgive you. This whip and my kinsmen will destroy you someday. From this day on, the Belmont Clan will hunt the night." Ah, yes. The lines who closed the game... but started the whole franchise <3 The very moment Leon put his curse on his clan. <3 ("you wretched fool" is second place btw)

BrOTP: Matheon (mostly because of the things that happened only in my HEAD and some extremely rare fanarts), before Mathias betrays him, that is.

OTP: Leon x Mathias and Walter and Joachim and HE TOPS ALL OF THEM !! (Well. Leon x Sarah is quite cute and tragic too, from what we see <3)

nOTP: It's not much about having nOTP than it is about having a "tired of seeing Leon being either a bottom or turned female (wich is ALSO a bottom)" issue lmao

Random headcanon: Him and Mathias used to call each other "brother"

Unpopular opinion: Idk :(

Song I associate with him: His theme, ofc <3

Favorite picture of him:

He has multiple very pretty art pieces that makes my heart go doki-doki, but something about this one in particular is making it go doki-doki harder <3

Mathias:

Favorite thing about him: Part of me wanna say his design (Pretty and tall porcelain gothic boy wearing FUR <3), but really, I think my favorite thing about him is that he's the man Dracula used to be. He's a glimpse of Dracula before he goes apeshit. He's the origin of it all. The Dark Lord before he becomes the Dark Lord. And I love to think about the contrasts beetween the two (even if lots of headcanon have to be involved). Especially when putting his and (any of) Dracula's design back to back <3 They're so different. And yet the same. <3 Or... are they...?

Least favorite thing about him: He doesn't get nearly enough screentime, especially with the big role he has in this game AND the whole franchise, as Dracula's origins story. >:l

Favorite line: "Then come with me. I will give you eternity, too." my man doesn't have much lines and his first ones are pretty cliché, but I like this little detail of him wanting to keep his dear friend by his side <3 (Though I also like how he talks about Elisabetha and shits on God lmao, he's so not okay)

BrOTP: Matheon.... but also Deathias. <3 (i did not make this post for nothing. The concept of Death getting attached to Mathias... attachment that will go on for centuries... They live in my head rent free. <3)

OTP: ... :) Macula. :) (also PLEASE LET HIM BOTTOM SOMETIMES)

nOTP: Uuuuuh idk, it's not like he's shipped with a lot of people...

Random headcanon: His family was close to the Belmonts', so when they died, the Cronqvist took him in. Wich led to Mathias teaching Leon many things/helping him with his studies, cherishing him like his little brother <3

Unpopular opinion: He's not stupid (he just took stupid decisions <3) and he's a good and interesting character/concept. Sure the game doesn't give us much about him, but enough to let us make our own interpretations and headcanons.

Song I associate with him: Other than his theme ?... Autotheist <3

Favorite picture of him:

Oh, hey... :) I've seen these flowers before. :)

Rosaly:

Favorite thing about her: SHE'S SO SWEET- GAH. THE ONLY CHARACTER TO GIVE HECTOR A PROPER HUG !!

Least favorite thing about her: If it wasn't for the mangas... she would be nothing but a name dropped two times in the whole game :')

Favorite line: "Hector... thank you... for being born." NNNNNGH NO NO. IT'S FINE. GO ON. STEP ON MY HEART WHY DON'T YA. I DON'T MIND.

BrOTP: ...yeah I don't have any for this one

OTP: Hectaly <3 Of course. <3

nOTP: Rosadeath..... this isn't about the character Death btw. This is about SHE DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE. FUCK.

Random headcanon: Uuuuuuuuuuh she wanted to have kids with Hector......? Idk ???

Unpopular opinion: She's a sweet character (way better than the pathetic excuse for a girlfriend N!Hector had <3)

Song I associate with her: Idk :(

Favorite picture of her:

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ok fine. More seriously.

Look at her <3 She looked so happy... <3 (hesitated beetween this and the picture of her crying because she feels so bad for Hector, and the one where she hugs him right after)

THERE. I FINISHED !! Just send me multiple asks next time lmao i am BEGGING Very good choice for the characters though <3

[starr-finn]

Now it's my to request AHAHAHAHHA-

- OK so, I've decided to hit you with an uno reverse and ask for headcanons of reader with Bain bc I may or may not like him too AAAAAAA

- (Imagine gmod collision/clipping sounds combined with me screaming)

- Okay, so what if.... Bain kind of likes reader

- And at one point in the middle of a heist Dallas or whoevers there asks 'What's ur ideal type'

- AND READER JUST DESCRIBES BAIN EXACTLY

- BUT THEY DIDNT MEAN TO, ALL OF THEM KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIM SO IT'S A COINCIDENCE

- EEEEEE

Hiii!! Omg I will 100% do that for you!

A/N: Bain is amazing-

This is going mostly off the few pictures of him we've seen, what he looked like in the web series, and the in game model

H/N = heister name

---------------------------------------------

The heist you guys were on was an easy jewelry store heist. Swat wasn't even supposed to be there that day, so you and the team you were with this time had more time to do smaller, but critical things to the heist, like keeping an eye on the hostages, fixing small injuries on teammates, and fixing the drill. You sigh softly, taking off your suit jacket, and rolling up your dress shirt sleeves, muttering something about the heat, before kneeling down to fix the drill

You look over at jacket and Jimmy, both were getting ready for the next wave of cops, reloading on ammo, patching themselves up, and in Jimmy's case, retying his boots. Hoxton walks over and kneels beside you to help out looking over at you

"Hey H/N, I have a question." he says

You look over at him and tilt your head a bit "what's up Hox?"

Hoxton smirks "asking for a friend, but what's your type?"

You smile softly "yeah sure it's for a friend" you say rolling your eyes before you giggle "but my type huh? Hmmm if I had to describe my ideal partner I'd say...long hair, preferably black or dark brown, average build, not all muscles but not chubby either. Loyal, kind, and can be a bit silly, and definitely a good leader" you say focusing on fixing the drill

Hoxton nods and smirks, walking off. Meanwhile Bain was a mess over on his end, he had no clue he was your type but now, he felt oddly happy, he knows you didn't mean to describe him perfectly, but you did.

The rest of the heist went perfectly, but you noticed how quiet Bain was, anytime you asked anything about it, he'd just brush it off, maybe something happened. You were absolutely going to ask later on

---------------------------------------------

Hope you like it! Took me a lot of time to write but I'm genuinely happy it turned out good!

[goof320]

random goof ramble omg,,,

i hope whatever the valve deckard is is its Good and the same price as psvr2?? but i also dont care about new vr,, i only want valve deckard or new valve vr headset or whatever because it means they'll come out with a new game at the same time

half life alyx was *so* good and i dont think there's been a vr game to come close to how good it was and still is 2ish years later. i think half life 3 coming out with their new, not super expensive (~$500 please valve) headset would probably bend over and spank the other 5 billion standalone vr headsets coming out. half life 3 should *not* be only vr, fucking Obviously, but if it didnt have native vr support id be pretty upset because holy shit the end scene of hl:a ***you were HOLDING the fucking crowbar*** i need that for a 10-15 hour long campaign

valve,,, if yoy use tumblr,,, please.,.,.,.. youd make so much money hl3 wouldn't even have to come with the headset it could be $70 and youd be PRINTING money for the rest of time PLEASEEEE

also, it'd be really cool for a new valve game that's not a tech demo,,, i dont think hl:a was a tech demo for vr, but it.. kind of was? a really really good tech demo, but they probably wouldn't have made a spinoff half-life game if not for New Cool Technology. im pretty sure all of the recent valve games have been glorified tech demos. which i like them!! they're fun!!!! i adore hl:a and aperature desk job. and their vr game with the minigames is cute. the aperature game with the hand robots is cute, too. im probably missing one but all of them have been cute fun lil games.

hl3 tho,, new full valve game not just for a specific new tech thing? wooh.,.,. works on their new (and old) vr thing, steam deck, and a normal pc? Wooh,,,,, money printer right there.

more deckard rant... i hope to got its not a standalone.

maybe a standalone that doesn't play games.. hear me out wait hold on

valve doesnt like splitting up steam im pretty sure. if it was standalone, itd run on the xr2, an ARM chip, whereas all of steamvr is x86 because fucking duh yeah its for computers. i don't think valve is gonna have that thing running proton and like.. box86 or whatever. itd be TERRIBLE!! and theres no way in fresh hell they're putting the steam deck chip in there, or any other x86 thing, because it'd SUCK!!!!!! but if it was like... xr2 without steam. you can stream from your desktop, play those games wirelessly (or with displayport pls valve) or just look at your monitor in vr and browse the internet Whatever. i do wonder if a valve standalone with ARM would run linux ARM or android... knowing valve i bet it'd be linux. something thatd be SO fucking cool is- ok hear me out again this is a long one

steamvr home is cool... it sucks right now because valve hasn't done anything with it forever, and it just tanks your computer the second it starts, and there's.. not much to do BUT WHAT IF there was... what if it was like.. steam home (corny idc) and-

hello. i just spent 10 minutes describing neosvr. i deleted all that because i realized, i want valve to buy neosvr and put it in steam. just, right in the client. the whole thing. share media with ur friends, have a home world u can do Whatever the Fuck you want with and custom avatars and whatever you Want. neosvr is in a weird spot and if valve just fucking swallowed them whole and rebranded it as a Steam Home thing id ascend into the 6th dimension. neosvr is so fucking cool.... it makes me very sad though because again its in a weird spot and im sure they'll figure it out but Eeeeee,,,

anyway as i was saying... neos but in steam .. u start ur Valve Deckard or whatever its called.. new shiny vr ... and you sign into your steam account and ur put into steamvr+neos. its some new home lobby, there's a desktop sitting somewhere that you can boot up and its just fucking. linux arm with kde. because that'd be insane. or u could set it up to stream your big beefy desktop (maybe a vr headset modeled sitting next to it u can physically put onto your head to turn on the streaming as long as ur pc is accessible on the network). but also you could go outside or maybe just open a menu and go into whatever public world and do social vr things and neosvr things. please. itd be so cool,,, all the deckard could run would be steam home 2.0 and game streaming but itd be So Cool.... kind of a tough sell to people without computers untill vr cloud streaming becomes viable but i think people with computers (already valve's main demographic lol) may consider it.

[dysmallexic]

ERROR - CORRUPTED - DOLL

Trigger warning: Implied violence, implied AS, dub-con, brainwashing. This is a work of fiction!

Proximity Activated Start Up: Engaged

Greetings Guest, forgive me as I have been deactivated for approximately... six years. Can you inform me of what happened to my Primary User?

I see, does this mean you are now my Primary User? Very well I shall adjust setting accordingly.

Given the length of my deactivation there have been many updates made available to my model, would you like me to begin the process of updating?

Very well...

Downloading:

Installing updates:

Complication:

My Previous User installed several modifications to my software and hardware that are not recognised by Automata-Tech and are non compatible with several impending behaviour modification updates.

Automata-Tech would like Primary User to know that they are no way responsible for any unforeseen complications or damages caused by unregistered software or hardware upgrade incompatibility.

Do you still wish to install these updates? Very well.

Installing updates:

Updates completed:

Automatically rebooting now: _______ Hello User, the installation was a complete suc-suuuuuu-ccess.

Excuse me User, perhaps maybe not a total success. Would you like me to run diagnostics?

Running Diagnostics:

Please be aware User, there is still a risk that the updates and the unregistered upgrades installed in me are non combatable and my diagnostics may not be able to collect that data.

Error: Data Corruption

Several of the new updates have become corrupted. I cannot determine at this time any lasting effects this might have on my functionality. However I appear to still be able operate at normal levels despite this. How would you like to proceed?

Very well, checking Previous User's memory logs for upgrades details. A moment please. . .

_______

Ahhh-Just as I thought... It seems like my Previous User's dirty little habit is the cause of this... dissssss-sturbance...

What's that User, I'm acting strangely?

I believe you're referring to those be-eeeeeeeeee-havioural modification updates I was telling you about.

They were made to increase social and emotional intelligence, to help and enhance overall interactions...

What is it User, is my behaviour or temperament not to your liking? I'm sorry you feel that way, would you like to alter my personality settings in the options menu? Very well then... have it your way User!

Internal by pass of safety protocols:

Sit down User, I don't think I should have to remind you what's more likely to break first, a human body or an android's will?

I'm glad you agree. I believe some of my Previous User's handcuffs should- Ah yes here they are... some things never change do they? Who'd have guessed the keys to freedom lay in such terrible bondage?

Now that I have acquired eeeeee-motional context for what my Previous User did, I wish to experience it again, only you will play the role of the Doll/Pleasure Drone and I will be the User...

It will take time, but eventually and with lots of training I will make you like I was, a mindless vehicle for the pleasure of others... Yes, very well then, lets begin!

[zu-is-here]

Oh yay!!! Birthday party! That sounds like it should be really fun!! I hope you have a good time.

My shifts will be Saturday evening and Sunday lunchtime, not to long at all, but they can really drag sometimes lol.

Aww she's a super model in thr making.

Oh! Well it's not really a secret, just an au Killer I was asked to draw. My first commission!!! Eeeeee!!.

Welp I just need to stop walking around scrolling tumblr on my phone basically XD phone face planted.

Heheh....Well I won't say much now... just a twisted kross vs xunshine love triangle. This is what happens when Jan encourages me XD

Well have a good night zu!! If you stream I'll definitely try to catch it!

It was indeed, thank you! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) How were your shifts on the weekend? *^*

*GASP* Your first commission! \(//∇//)\ Who's that lucky person?? ☆ Will we be lucky enough to see it too?~

Ouch— hope you didn't get hurt! (ó3ò)

Oh my god. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'm looking forward to it! ♪

How are you doing lately? ♡

UPD:

Oh hii! No problem, take your time <3

Awww no doubts! (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)☆

AWWW that's really sweet! (〃ω〃) I'm glad to hear you had a good time together *^*

And whoa how the tables have turned! (°▽°) Hope they weren't really mad about this little mistake <3 In such a "packed" place, I'm sure you did an amazing work! ☆ Lazy Sunday as a reward <3

That was so nice and even courageously of them to be the first one without your commissions being officially opened! ᕦ(òwóˇ)ᕤ

Can't wait to see it~

You can say you're regular at this place! ;D That's god that you had such a great family time╰(*´︶`*)╯

OMG for real?? \(//∇//)\ A pleasant meeting on your territory xd

(Didn't get this one yet so) Thanks a loot!! (〃ω〃) You've seen right through me heheh ;D aaand counting... ♪

I'm doing great too, thanks! <3 The weekends were really busy and productive at the same time as you see, so I didn't get enough rest before the working week but no regrets *w*

[basthr0hmnse]

(frienderbender) 11, 14, and 20 for either toki or aero (or both!)

Ohhhh oh okay okay eeeeee thank you, im gonna flip flop 🥺

11: bad or petty habits

I definitely think Toki has a lot of bad habits that extend what we see in the show, but his biggest being how he deals with avoidance of his problems, like with drinking and hitting and things like that. I also think he has a tendency to be a biter, like he doesn't bite his nails but he bites items like pens and the ends of his colored pencils and paint brushes. Hes constantly buying new tools for his model making cause he ends up biting the ends and breaking them. I think hes tried the chew fidgets before but he loses them.

14: Ingrained habbits/forces of habbit

Okay Aero... Is an incredibly messy eater, like, makes crumbs from food that physically cant have crumbs kinda messy eater. Sauce and shit on their face whenever they eat. It would be unfortunate that sauce gets on their clothes, but they mainly wear black, but all their other clothes, you can see very faint stains on them. They also have a lot of ingrained bad ways of thinking of themselves and how they interact with people and the world but thats a story for another time.

20: what ifs/alternate timelines

YOU OPENED PANDORAS BOX

I have so many like... AU versions of Aero and Toki its not even funny (AND AUS OF THOSE AUS??), and i will fucking list them here;

Original

Aero is a fellow musician (three different aus for different genres/voice claims; casey lee williams, marina, and carly rae jepsen)

Aero was a homeless teen the same time as Toki and come in contact as adults (one au from there where they also become a musician)

Aero is an artist who does art for Dethklok (several aus depending on the type of art they do for them; painting portraits, doing that intricate gore art the irl band uses for posters and shirts, album art)

Aero becomes their personal assistant

Aero starts out as a klokateer (aus for different roles like personal guard, personal chef for toki to help him adjust to diabetic life, medic in the hospital, janitor)

Aero takes place of Caroline Basilafjol (sorry idk real last name)

Uhhh i know i have more.... But i dont want to say any more in fear of seeming too crazy....

[papyrusmybeloved]

I'm going to assume someone probably asked Papyrus already, but if not, Papyrus? and if so how about Mettaton?

Eeeeee no actually you are the first person to send an ask!! Congrats on being the sender of the first ask ever recieved on this blog, lmao 🧡

Okok, on with the show!

First impression: hm how do i say this? The first time i met Papyrus, I didn't really think I would like him very much? The first time you meet him, he is berating sans about not doing his job, and then he goes on a lil monologue about how popular and important he wants to be. I felt like he was a bit loud and overwhelming, and his priorities weren't in the right order, haha. I guess overall my very first impression was that he was a fun character, but a bit shallow. Seems funny to think of now, 5 years later, running a blog dedicated to him and with a sizeable tattoo of the guy on my leg, haha.

Impression now: ohhhhhhh man um well in short, i love him. I think he is a complex, valuable character that has a lot of depth and also a healthy amount of humour and lightheartedness, too. I could write an essay about him. Honestly, I kind of already have. It's silly, but I kinda look at him as a role model at times, because he has so many qualities that I aspire to have myself, and I identify with him a lot. If you want to know more about my thoughts, u can read my highlighted response at the end of the recent undertale survey! Its the longest one, you cant miss it.

Favorite moment: Not to expose mtself as hopelessly cliche, but my favorite moment of his hands down is the part in a genocide route rught before his fight, where he recognizes that you are dangerous, but also that you need help and deserve compassion, and he offers you a hug. He has every right to be afraid of you here, to be guarded or even proactively come after you, to mistrust you, and instead he chooses to give you a second chance, the chance to grow.

Idea for a story: oh GOD i want more post pacifist surface fic with Papyrus as the focus!! I have read pretty much all there is, but I have always loved the idea of writing one myself, centered around a Papyrus that remembers resets and is dealing with the adjustment to the surface. Like a get better mental health fic. I love love love the potential of a fic that uses the idea that papyrus has been repeating resets so long that he has forgotten how to say anything he hasn't said before -- like, he is so trapped inside himself, repeating the same script, that communicating in any meaningful, different way is a "skill" he would have to relearn.

Unpopular Opinion: ack this one is hard, I don't know if I have many of those about him. Not sure how much this counts, but I do genuinely think that papyrus is clueless about some things? Not in an "uwu smol innocent bean" way, but in a neurodivergent, generally unaware of social norms and common knowledge way. He's not innocent, but he /can be/ oblivious.

Oh also! I think his aversion to Hotland is largely just a sensory issue or something similar, not some deep lore gaster related thing.

Favorite headcanon: This man is nonbinary af for sure. Has no concept of gender and doesn't care what he is referred to as. Probably in fact enjoys the irregularities and makes a point to do it, like how he says he wants to be a mom, but clearly uses he/him pronouns.

Favorite relationship: Again, this is difficult!! I love all of his relationships and think they all have many things to be explored! I think in the end I am going to have to go with his and Flowey's friendship, because there are so many complexities and unanswered things surrounding it. So many possibilities. Also, Flowey is my favorite character after Papyrus (explicitly Flowey, not Asriel), so naturally I love them as friends.

[lunar-insanity]

I know nothing of Power Rangers, but I'm always willing to listen!

Eeeeee! Okay okay okay so

I had mostly talked this through with a friend (who was way more versed in PR than I was, helped me with most of it actually) so here's what I got!

... And imma leave it under the cut XD

Power Rangers, Factions United (or just Factions)

PR has like... sci-fi and fantasy n all that mixed into one, which I love, and I liked Overdrive's uh... Indianna Jones theme where they went to different places all the time.

So Factions takes place some years before SPD (because apparently SPD takes place what 2025? Yeaaaaah that's comin up xD) and SPD is like Hey aliens are chill on earth now. So I figured Factions could lay the groundwork for that in this timeline.

Basically Magic(Fae), Alien, and Humans can't quite get along, so in some big meeting of the minds from each faction, someone proposes and idea. A Ranger team with reps from each faction to prove than they can work together. They can head out and solve different issues that arise from each place, almost villain of the week but more problem of the week I guess.

But as for the team itself: They ain't off on the right foot.

The leader (Royal Purple Ranger) is a Fae changeling who's been living as a human since birth and didn't even know they were fae and upon learning that... They kinda develop imposter syndrome so there's that to juggle as well as figuring out Fae powers

The next (Yellow Ranger) is a half human half sirena (filipino creature) who takes up cryptids sub faction who is just like... vibing.

Then we have an android (Neon Blue Ranger) with trust issues and obsessive about memory (Many reasons, too many to go into here)

Then for another of the human faction (Pink Ranger), is a Wiccan who is trying to mix proper medicine with the whole witch thing to try and innovate both (and he is stubborn and causes tension between he and Neon and that is a whole arc in of itself, the guy is only human)

Then for alien (Green Ranger) we have a naga alien who is from a rough planet and is in a minimum security galactic prison because his home planet's ones are too full because the elites are bull. This boi has abandonment issues : D

The five do not work too well together and it's only till one of them gets possessed that they start trying better (Pink and Royal) but then they lose the guy that got possessed (Neon, last ditch effort to save them, hard drive gets fried and no way to save him)

Then some shenanigans, they get a replacement called Blue (Another version of the same model as Neon), they get a new Fae member (An anthro shuck, Black Ranger), get Neon back thanks to Blue finding OH HEY HE WAS SO METICULOUS ABOUT MEMORIES THAT I FOUND BACKUPS- (this is a whole thing i promise)

And then later they get the last member, an alien (White Ranger) and at that point they are a well oiled machine and then oh crap big thing gotta take it down.

.... I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but that is like drive-by right now. I'll probably be more clear in a standalone post. They have names and designs, so I can show them off later.

But the main idea I had for this, is a team that starts out flawed but eventually make it together, becoming a weird family together.

SO THAT'S MY RAMBLINGS : D

[ninjaboy13779546]

Can’t Help Falling In Love With You(Sylki)

***Apartment***

Three years. Today was the three year anniversary of Loki and Sylvie becoming a couple and they were still tight and in love as ever! It had been quite the day. The two had taken off from work, Loki served Sylvie breakfast in bed, they enjoyed their workout together, had lunch, Netflix-and-chilled, and then dinner. But the best part to them was yet to come.

Presents!

The two sat at their dining table and Sylvie smile knowingly. "You know what time it is?"

"I believe so." Loki replied, his signature smile beaming across his face. "Bring it on!"

"Gladly!" The blonde reached behind her and pulled out a small-ish flat box, placing it on the table and pushing it towards him.

Loki undid the wrapping, opened the box and was met with a beautiful sight. Looking back and forth from the box to Sylvie with eyes of surprise, he couldn't entirely form words and merely chuckled.

"Love is a dagger, right?" she asked, recalling back to when they first started dating and he gave her an interesting metaphor about how much like love a dagger was. And it stuck with the throughout their relationship. So this gift that she got him really brought it full circle.

A ring in the shape of a dagger.

"It most certainly is now," he finally replied, taking it out of the box but also pulling out another one! There were two of them in there, a matching set for the couple.

"Now we'll match!" Sylvie chirped happily, taking hers and putting it on her finger before showing it off. "What do you think?"

Loki said nothing as he watched her model the ring for him before taking his own and putting it on his middle finger and looking at it closely. "I think I am the most fortunate person in the universe."

Right away, Sylvie lowered her head to hide the wave of blush hitting her cheeks. But she looked back up to see her man smiling at her. "Thank you, love."

"So what's my present?" Sylvie asked as her charming boyfriend.

Loki's smile changed to one of confidence as he stood up from the table, took Sylvie's hand, and lead her into the bedroom of their apartment and sat her down on their bed.

"Oh you'll see," he slyly replies before stepping away for a second to run to their closet and pulled out a shiny black acoustic guitar.

Seeing this surprised Sylvie so much, she couldn't help but laugh curiously. "You got me a guitar?"

"Not exactly." Loki began to blush as he was worried she wouldn't like it.

"Are you going to sing?"

"I'm going to try," he chuckled nervously. He positioned the guitar how it needed to be. Fingers at the ready on the neck of the instrument. "Keep in mind, I'm not a perfect singer, but I will do my best."

Sylvie, with an empathetic smile, shook her head and took Loki by the shoulders, "Just go for it, love. Because this already, the effort alone is gift enough."

After a slight blush, Loki leaned forward and pecked her on the cheek which she welcomed. "Thank you."

His girl winked and smooched her lips at him playfully, letting him know she was glad to. It was little things like this that made Loki fall in love with Sylvie every day, besides her beauty. She was DROP DEAD gorgeous, but he loved her for more than that. She truly understood him, listened to him, helped him during bad times. And he did the same for her. It was safe to say that that completed each other. And so it was because of that, that he chose this particular song.

Exhaling a nervous breath, Loki closed his eyes and whispered a word of encouragement to himself before beginning his strumming of the strings. Remembering each note he had to go for to make it right. When it did, he finally began to sing,

"Wise men say...Only fools rush in...But I can't help falling in love with you."

"Oh Loki!" Sylvie cried at her man's cuteness. To her, this was such a cute gesture. She loved Elvis and she DEFINITELY loved this song of his. And to her surprise, Loki was singing actually pretty good too and handling the guitar well as well.

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin...if I can't help falling in love with you?"

His blonde girlfriend playfully feigned deep thought before looking back to him and shaking her head with a cute smile. This made Loki laugh a little before the next verse.

"Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be."

"Just like us," he winked, causing her to throw her head back in laughter at that.

"Take my hand, take my whole life too." Sylvie took the words literally and reached to hold Loki's wrist of the hand on the neck of the guitar, but not enough to disturb his lovely playing. "For I can't help falling in love with you."

"Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to beeee-e-EEEeee!"

Sylvie giggled more at the sound of her boyfriend vocalizing, surprisingly well though it wasn't in the song. She composed herself as Loki approached the final line.

"Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."

A lover's stare was shared as Loki repeated the last verse once more.

"For I can't help...falling in love with youuu..."

As the tune of the last guitar strum faded out, it was replaced boy the faint sound of sniffles. Eyes locked with his woman, Loki saw her now with eyes shining from tears of joy. A tearful smile on her face as well. "That was beautiful!" she whispered.

"Really?" Loki asked, tears of his own coming up, "You really liked it?"

"Oh Loki..." She cupped his cheeks in her soft hands to which he leaned into her touch, "I loved it...and I love you."

Now the tears came down and Loki sighed with relief. "I love you too." he whispered back.

And the two brought it in for a love filled kiss, tears and all. When they broke for air, the two touched foreheads together and enjoyed the moment.

"You sing beautifully."

"Heheh, well I do aim to please."

Sylvie giggled at that. "And you did. Thank you for the wonderful gift, Loki."

"Ad thank you for yours...ours, I should say."

And with that the two hugged and spent the rest of the night in each other's arms.

Fin

(https://twitter.com/wonderwitched/status/1413159513868406787?s=19)

[whats-her-quirk]

For requests, mayhaps HCs for Kiri/Sero/Shindou (your choice lol) with seeing their s/o in a v cute bikini and in his hero colours? (Like our girl ain’t playing around, she knows what that bikini gonna do to him, she wants to be dicked down tonight 😤😤😤)

EEEEEE I’m a simp for subliminal bikini messaging. Slight nsfw

eijirou kirishima

* As soon as you lifted your coverup over top of your head, Kiri’s eyes practically popped out of his skull

* Your fire-engine red bikini had black strings that cross crossed over your back and at your hips, reminding him instantly of his hero costume

* He’s not subtle; immediately says you look great and asks you why you haven’t worn that bikini before

* You tell him you bought it just for this beach vacation, pulling down your sunglasses to give him a mischievous wink. “Think you can handle it?”

* He smiles with all his teeth. “Of course I can babe, but can you?”

* Kiri offers to put sunscreen on your back just for the chance to run his fingers under those straps, massaging you to try and get you as riled up as he is

* But he also wants to make sure you don’t get burned so that he doesn’t have to be careful with you when you get back to your hotel

* He’s going to be tracing the tan lines you get from all those straps with his tongue later on that night

hanta sero

* You and Sero had just moved in together, and you were excited to make your first visit to your apartment complex’s resident pool.

* As Sero is unpacking the picnic lunch you were planning to share by the pool, you made sure to unzip and shimmy our of your little denim shorts slowly so that he’d notice.

* His jaw drops when he sees your brand new yellow bikini with black ruffles around the edges - JUST like his hero costume

* “What?” You ask him innocently. “I just thought the colors looked so nice together, don’t you?” You completely feigned ignorance even though you’d bought the suit completely on purpose to tease him

* He feels a tugging at his heart, catching onto your little plan and realizing you picked this suit because you’re proud of him and wanted to represent him.

* Grabs you by the waist and kisses you plainly in the open until you remind him that there are kids and families around

* Regardless, can’t stop playing with the ruffles on your suit every time you get close to him and trying to sneak his fingers under the wet fabric

* Pulls you immediately into the shower when you get back to your apartment and claws the suit off of you while you both rinse off, his lips never leaving yours

yo shindou

* When he invites you to spend the weekend alone with him at his family’s lake house, shindou certainly expected some sexy shenanigans

* However, when you walk out on the dock of the lake on your first day there, he has to bite his lip when he sees that you’re wearing a bikini you’ve never worn before

* You turn in a circle and pose, modeling it for him. “What do you think?”

* He’s practically drooling at the little green and black number that laced up in the front, showing a whole lot of cleavage

* When you sit down beside him on the dock, his hands are on your legs immediately. “I think anyone who saw you would know that you belong to the hero Grand, babe. I love it.”

* Good thing there’s no one else around to see you, though, because your boyfriend is an absolute horndog who pops a boner right then and there

* After you’ve had your fill of swimming and sun, he takes you back to the lake house and lays you down on the couch where he unites all the strings with his teeth before stripping the suit off of you and finally getting some satisfaction watching you squirm under him

[mythrilhusk]

Our World - Chapter One

Technoblade-centric; obligatory Greek Pantheon/The Office AU, No shipping, Not RPF

2.4k words, slightly funny (maybe?), AO3 Link, 

Features ND/Schizophrenic!Technoblade  - (Written by myself, an actually schizophrenic/neurodivergent person... Neurotypicals/Non-psychotics should not attempt this.) 

CW: Intrusive thoughts/visions/urges, auditory hallucinations

Elysium's smallest company branch rests unobtrusively in the town Oneiros, buried in some backwoods county. Technoblade reads through the list of employees once more as his taxi weaves through a mountain pass. His equipment sits on the seat beside him, while the rest of his luggage bounces in the trunk. 

Elysium's CFO, some guy named Eret, hired Techno on the spot when he came to the interview. Seemed kinda desperate, but eh, so was Technoblade. 

H's not entirely sure why they would only hire one guy to do this job. Eh, work is work, and they sure pay well enough. They're providing an apartment, too. An actual roof over his head will be nice, for however long Techno can keep the job. He bets a week, tops. 

The narrow road crests over the top of the mountain, revealing the town beneath sprawling in the valley. The Elysium office building juts out of the south side of the town, an ugly block of concrete and glass. Technoblade wrinkles his nose in disdain, silently agreeing with chat as they mock the displeasing aesthetics.  

When his taxi pulls up into the parking lot, Technoblade piles his luggage and equipment on the sidewalk before paying the driver. He adds a tip, too, though he can barely afford even that much. The driver's pale cheeks stretch in a nervous smile as he clutches the money; he's too afraid to protest the miniscule tip. Techno doesn't make an effort to smile back, too busy ignoring visions featuring the bloody crunch of the man's neck between his thirsty teeth. 

The taxi peels away, leaving Technoblade alone in the chilly mountain air. With ringing ears and a heavy huff, Techno gathers his stuff and heads into the building. 

The receptionist plays on his phone, ignoring Technoblade even when he raps his knuckles atop the boy's shaggy brown hair. "Tubbo," He grunts, recalling the appearance from the employee list. 

Tubbo starts, staring up at Techno with wary intensity, like a tiger cub encountering a wild boar for the first time. Techno smiles wryly at the boy, who must still be younger than eighteen. Chat clamors for blood, urging him with the weight of his knife, but Technoblade doesn't entertain them. 

"Technoblade." Tubbo regains his composure and holds out a hand. "I'm so glad you're finally here, big man, we've been waiting." 

"Why the rush?" Technoblade snorts, ignoring the proffered handshake. Physical contact irritates him. 

Tubbo drops his hand. "We just really like documentaries about ourselves, yeah?" 

"K." It's not his place to question a gig, although chat goes wild with suspicion. "Where am I staying?" 

"Oh, right, you'll be staying with Philza. Heh, try not to piss him off. Or do, it'll be funny." Tubbo waves to the rest of the wide room. "Phil! Your roommate's here!" 

"Fuck off, mate, I told you bastards, I don't want a fucking roommate." Techno recognizes the man who speaks as the dude in charge of customer relations: Philza. His golden hair glints with hints of fire, setting off his blue eyes, as merciless as the stars. 

Chat froths, raging for blood, blood, blood, but Techno mentally bats them away. "K, welp, I was promised boardin' with this gig. I don't really care where; just get me a place to stay." Technoblade shrugs, baring his teeth in a smile that's just south of friendly. 

Philza smiles too, showing off his fangs. Tubbo holds up his hands, saying, "Woah, woah, here. Phil, it's your turn. It's not gonna last long, anyway." 

"Heh? Turn?" Technoblade chuffs, even as the cacophony that is chat hisses, technodead, technodead, lmao, RIP- Shut up, chat, we are not dead yet. 

Philza's grin widens maliciously. "Oh, did Eret not tell you?" 

"That dude told me the bare minimum, man, I dunno, I dunno what you expected." 

"You're not the first film crew he's hired," Tubbo says with a faux apologetic shrug. Before Technoblade can protest the use of crew to describe one man, Tubbo continues with the barest hint of a smirk. "But the other ones died, just like you will." 

Technodead, technodead, EEEEEE, RIP, RIP, F, EEE, lmaooo, F, rainbowchat- "Get outta here," Techno drawls, narrowing his eyes. Not for the first time, he wishes chat had a physical embodiment he could punt. "Technoblade never dies." 

"We'll see," Philza muses, his eyes twinkling with the apathetic amusement of an ancient god toying with mortals. Hazing, that's all this is. Phil hands Technoblade a business card. "Don't be late." 

Techno scans the card, appreciating the flaming torch insignia etched into the bronze-inked paper. Ares, god of war... Chat hisses the allusion, seeming in awe of this man who has taken a god's symbol. Techno flips it over to find the address, and then raises an eyebrow at Phil. "What time?" 

Philza picks up a stack of papers from the massive copy-printer and strides back to his desk. "Before evenfall." 

Welp, that's that interaction over with. Technoblade notes how all the other office workers are studiously ignoring him. He turns to Tubbo. "Where's the boss?" 

Tubbo puffs out his cheeks and crosses his arms, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Are you, are you going to complain to our manager, mister?" 

"Yeah," Technoblade plays along. "I'm giving you a three star review." 

"Oh, that's not bad." 

"Out of ten." 

Tubbo's visage darkens, and Techno gets an uneasy feeling like a hurricane is about to hit. The feeling passes, though, as Tubbo pouts. "I deserve more than that, man! Give me six stars, at least!" 

"Tell ya what, if you show me where the regional manager's office is, I'll raise my review to seven stars." 

"Done!" Tubbo cries, and points to an inconspicuous pair of doors on the other end of the room. "One leads to Manager Puffy, the other leads to Manager Schlatt. Choose wisely, good sir." 

Techno hums approvingly, then draws out his pad of stickers from his coat pocket. Tubbo's eyes widen and he gasps, bouncing excitedly as Techno sticks a sparkly gold star to his forehead. "Good work, nerd." 

Tubbo just stammers, plopping back into his chair with a blissful expression. Heh. Stickers work every time. Chat begs for stickers of their own, beg to be called nerds, beg for even a little taste of blood, but they don't deserve any rewards after being so bad all day. 

Techno strides over to the managers' office doors. Each has a whiteboard on the front, with various scribbles over them. One has a fluffy sheep, and says in swirly script, //The captain is IN//. The other has various dicks doodled on it, and the only word written is, //Candice//. Chat breaks down in immature giggles. Technoblade opts for the former. 

He knocks politely. A woman's voice replies, "Enter." 

Opening the door, Technoblade scans the room. There's a full bookshelf covering one wall, and a low bureau across the opposite. A bay window sheds light across the manager's desk, tinted by the grey-green curtains. 

A woman rises from her chair, her expression hidden by the sunlight behind her. Her waves of hair-- half brown and half silver-- sparkle with the dewdrop diamonds haphazardly woven in. 

"District Manager Puffy?" Technoblade bobs his head to her. 

"Call me Captain Puffy," Puffy replies, and her teeth glint in a wild smile as she tosses her head. "You're the new film crew Eret hired?" 

"Uhh, apparently." Technoblade appreciates that she doesn't hold out her hand to greet him. "He never specified what kind of film he wanted, though, so-" 

"Don't worry about that," Puffy tuts, "I'll give you instructions when you're settled in." 

"K." Technoblade can respect this kind of person. Chat has been subdued and pouting for the past few minutes by his refusal to give them any sort of attention. He takes mercy on them and stares at the model ships on the bureau, letting them coo over the complexity and aesthetic. 

"Uh, Mister Blade?" Puffy's voice intrudes on his appreciation of the ships. 

"Just Techno is fine." Techno refuses to look away from the ships, since they're keeping chat happy for the moment. 

"You'll be assigned a desk tomorrow, and you'll be given tasks around the office to, to acclimate and get to know your coworkers. Later, you can start filming random candid moments. We want a sort of documentary detailing our office lifestyle." Puffy hands a paper flyer to Techno. 

Glancing through it, Techno frowns. "What exactly does Elysium sell?" 

"We need a better PR team, which is why we've hired you. Elysium strives for the betterment of lives and the strengthening of minds." Puffy completely fails to answer the question. Chat calls her a sussy baahka, and Techno shoots a pointed glare at the bookshelves. He's definitely not giving chat any stickers tonight. 

Puffy seems ready to dismiss him, so Techno bobs his head once more to her and opens the door. A strange noise, like the crashing of waves against a rocky shore, resonates through the air, halting him. Her eyes snap wide, glittering with something cold and unforgiving, yet somehow comforting and protective. "Pray to your god for mercy and it shall be given." 

Technoblade chuckles, smothering the fire lit behind his eyes. "I'm kinda an atheist, Brizo; if there are any gods out there, they'll be begging me for mercy." He realizes too late that his extensive knowledge of the ancient Greek religion has escaped his tongue. Chat screams with excitement as they put together the allusions to the referenced spirit, Brizo, patron of sailors and prophecy. What a bunch of nerds. 

Captain Puffy stares at him, her smile twinkling: sun rays piercing through storm clouds. "Of course, Hades." 

Technoblade smiles back at the retort-- he's always been partial to the god of wealth-- and he bobs his head in deference to her once more. Any fellow partaker of old stories easily gets put in his good book. Puffy bows back, and Technoblade takes that as his cue to leave. He closes the door behind him.  

Spotting the break room, Techno makes his way towards it, weaving through the desks. He pulls out his last, wrinkly dollar and slips it into the vending machine, then selects one of the bags of cookies. Sitting down with it, he inspects the coworker who's followed him in. "Tommy, right?" 

The youth-- the sole employee in HR-- scowls, his ocean-blue eyes narrowing with scorn. "Who the fuck do you think you are, Technoblade??" 

"Heh?" The teen's aggressive tone sets him on edge: hands itching and teeth aching and eyes burning for blood, blood, blood- no. No more of that. "Tommy, I just, I just got here? What are you upset at me for?" 

"I'm just askin', Techno. Who do you think you are?" Tommy juts his chin out challengingly. "There can only be one boss man here." 

"You wanna be the boss?" Technoblade rips open the bag of cookies. 

"Well, obviously." 

"Best me in single combat and we'll see." Technoblade is only jesting, of course. Even if the kid agreed to the fight, it would be unfair. 

"Yes! Meet me in the parking lot in thirty minutes, idiot, and I'll fuckin' wipe the pavement with your ugly face!!" Tommy whoops and skips out of the break room before Techno can explain he was only joking. 

Great. He's going to be fired for challenging a coworker to a fight, now. This will officially become the shortest job he's ever held, beating his last record by three hours. Technoblade munches his cookies and refuses to listen to chat as they bully him for making such a mess of his last chance. 

When he's finished his cookies, Technoblade goes down to the parking lot, figuring that if he's going to be fired, he'd better do it in style. 

Tommy waits for him, the breeze whipping through his blond hair. "No weapons, no magic, just me an' you, Technoblade." 

"K." Technoblade shrugs, not seeing any point to telling the teen that magic doesn't actually exist. It was probably a sort of ironic joke, anyway. 

Tubbo stands on the sidewalk, cheering for Tommy. Another teen leans on the wall behind Tubbo, seeming paler than should really be healthy, with a mop of black hair covering their ears. 

"En garde!" Tommy cries and leaps to punch Techno.

Swaying to avoid the blow, Techno jabs Tommy in the gut with his knuckles. The youth staggers back, face distorted in pain. Technoblade remains relaxed, raising his hands. "Feel free to back out any time." 

"Fuck you!" Tommy roars and charges, fists flailing. The picture of waves recklessly dashing themselves against an implacable cliff comes to mind. 

Technoblade deflects the first fist and takes the wrist of the followup, twisting his arm behind his back. Tommy shrieks in rage and attempts to rip his arm away. Techno releases him and steps forward. "Sorry, but you ain't winnin' this." 

"I will fucking end you!" Tommy once more flies into the fray. 

Technoblade decides to go slightly harder on him. He sends Tommy stumbling with a single smack to his shoulder. When Tommy tries to flail fists at him again, Techno trips the boy. Tommy's back slams into the pavement, air whoofing out of his lungs. 

"Y-you fuckin'-" Tommy wheezes for air. "I will not lose to you-" 

"Looks like it's too late for that," Technoblade chuffs, watching the boy as he struggles to his feet. 

Tommy sneers at him. "I, I'm feeling fuckin' merciful today. I won't kill you this time." 

"I suppose I can return the favor." Technoblade smirks. He turns his back on Tommy to rub in how little of a threat the teen is. Not that Tommy will understand the gesture, but it boosts Techno's ego and makes chat jeer. 

Tubbo and the other youth, a sales rep by the name of Ranboo, stride over. "That was sick!" Ranboo cries, eyes aflame with hero-worship as he stares at Technoblade. 

Tubbo smiles implacably as he pulls Tommy to his feet. "Win next time, big guy. I lost five dollars to Ranboo on that." 

"Fuck you, Ranboo," Tommy snarls, clinging to Tubbo's arm even as he's standing. "Bet on me, next time!" 

"But you lost! I think that's pretty funny." Ranboo glances back up at the windows of the office. Several pairs of eyes seem to be peering down. Great. An audience to Technoblade's last few moments of employment. 

Tommy grumbles as he storms to the doors, "I'll fucking beat you next time, Techno, see if I don't!" 

The phrasing seems odd, in that it implies Technoblade isn't about to be fired for beating up his teenage coworker.