#i just want to fucking. disappear off the face of the earth for 3 years and then come back to my friends n family as a whole person
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Am i fundamentally inhuman and unlovable and unfit to exist in modern society and actually secretly an evil fake bitch or am i just going to start my period in a few days.
#horse.txt#the world may never know.....#anyway ive felt especially hateful these past few days and im blaming that dream where i told a karen to khs#bc thats just been in my head on repeat ever since at Every inconvenience and i actually kind of hate it#bc i. have noticed it absolutely tanking my mood every time lmao#which makes acting normal (aka Nice) really fucking hard#i want to be i like being nice its like the only thing going for me but also i have SUCH a talent for pissing ppl off when i Let Go#and man. every day it gets more and more tempting. even though i know id regret it.#i just want to fucking. disappear off the face of the earth for 3 years and then come back to my friends n family as a whole person#instead of whatever the fuck i am now#i have nothing to fucking offer except for things im way too scared to give up. i feel like i can only be honest with complete strangers#but even then like. not really lmao#tale as old as fucking time#god i dont want to be here anymore#vent //
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Kinktober Day 4: Stalking/Obsession
Stalking/Obsession - Eyeless Jack X F!Reader
Warnings: DUB CON, breeding kink, biting, marking
AN: I don't speak Polish so forgive me </3. ALSO this is a take on my dear @creepynoodleheadcannons's prompt featuring EJ on Day 19 from their 2022 Kinktober. Will tag the fic HERE.
KINKTOBER MASTERLIST
Reblogs are appreciated!
In the darkness of your room, you sat curled in your sheets with the feeling of dread coursing through your veins. Sweat ran down your brow, down the back of your neck and soaked your bed as you stared at your window. You saw his shadow looming just outside, a monstrous being that had been tormenting you for the first half of the year. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest like a little rabbit about to be caught in the jaws of a wolf as his claws scratched against it.
He’d never been so bold before.
When he first started, he was silent. His sharp claws played with the seams of your mind, delicately lifting the fragile threads before popping them up and breaking them, reveling in the sound of the strings snapping. It was small. A coffee cup you’d thrown away with your lipstick marks had gone missing but you assumed you’d managed to throw it out somewhere else. The hairs from your brush had been cleaned out but weren’t in the trash. Some of your clothing had gone missing. You assumed that you were becoming increasingly forgetful, but your underwear going missing? Your still full shampoo and conditioner bottles disappearing?
And then he revealed himself. You thought you’d accidentally summoned a demon when he first appeared in the corner of your eye. He was always there, watching, waiting, and so fucking persistent. The way he spoke about you was deranged, like you were the only thing he craved in the entirety of his life. He spoke of how sweet you’d be - his final meal, the feast to end all others.
“Go… Go away,” you shakily cried out while you dug your face into the pillow in an attempt to fend him off. But you knew it was a useless attempt. Tonight was the night he’d finally make you his and devour you whole. Your body shook with fear as you watched the shadow of his hands move sluggishly, like he wawa toying with you on how slow he could be. Toying with you, building up his own anticipation with glee. You heard Polish spill from his lips, or maybe an archaic form of it, and like magic, the window flew open. It invited the colder of October air into your room, red and orange leaves spilled across your floor as his large form blocked out the light of the moon herself.
“You don’t really mean that,” he purred. His voice was deep and laced with a Slavic accent that sung with the cadence of ancient gods and their demons. His face was hidden by a mask, a dark pool of inky blue while the eye sockets wept with tar. If you looked close enough, you could see the knife marks of where it had been carved a very, very long time ago. He slipped through your window despite his size. Your nose filled with his scent. Musk. The earth. Iron. Smoke from campfires not long doused. Ammonia.
Your stomach wanted to wretch at the very smell of him. Fear stoked every part of your body as you pried your eyes away from your pillow and peeked up at him. He was large, much too large. The moonlight framed him as dark and imposing. He was strong, you knew that, and his skin was the color of ash. And for a creature that seemed to take joy in pursuing a much more human form, he still reeked of otherworldly. His legs were cloven, like that of a black goat, and his teeth were sharp, slightly yellowed and large like that of an apex predator. Roots and the earth seemed to crawl up his legs like the earth itself wanted to reclaim him, and his joints didn’t seem to fit him right. His elbows, his knees, shoulders, everything was popped into place haphazardly, a vessel to contain something much larger than what he was born as.
He took advantage of your fear as you looked up at him. His grin only widened behind his mask. He crawled up your bed, caging you in with his body. His clawed hands traced your warm body as you balled up in a weak attempt to shut him out from you.
“Please, don’t,” you murmur as you watch his clawed hands crawl up your body. “I already told you no-”
He gave you a look from behind his mask before reaching his hand upwards to remove it. His arm moved over to rest it on your nightstand, as if he were making himself comfortable. His mouth was curled upwards into a grin, large and knowing.
“Come now, kochanie moje. Don’t be so frigid towards me. Open up. Let me in.” His sharp talons moved to cut your clothes from your body, not caring about your cries of protest. “You cannot resist me forever,” he whispered in your ear as your body trembled. “Try and fight as you may, your body calls for me, and I must answer. You were meant for this,” he breathed in your ear as you meekly held your hand up to his large chest in another attempt to push him off.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you whispered.
“Tak kochanie,” he whispered back, “you do. I need you. Don’t you see what you’re doing to me? I need your body, your heart, your mind, your very soul,” he groaned as his hand traced your soft, supple skin. “I want to breed you to make you mine forever.”
His words sent chills down your spine as you shook like a leaf. You shook your head. “You can’t-”
“Don’t worry,” he purred once more, voice hungry and lusty, “I’ll make it feel good. I always do.”
You were almost snapped out of your fear from the second half of his sentence but found it quickly returned when his teeth sunk into your neck. “Oh fuck!” You yelped, feeling the warm blood from your neck bead downwards to drape your collarbone and your nape. “What the hell was that for?”
Jack didn’t immediately answer, only grinned and opened his mouth. A long, purple tongue slithered out and lapped at the teeth marks he’d left, a soft apology for drawing blood. “Mating mark,” he answered. “One of the many physical kinds I can give to you.”
You kept your mouth shut as you felt his hands barely leave you to the belt of his pants. He undid it, and then slowly pumped his cock. Large, knotted, that was all you could see in the darkness only illuminated by the moonlight. So distracted by how girthy and large he was and the fact you KNEW he wouldn’t fit inside of you, a cry ripped free from your throat as his other hand effortlessly pried your legs apart.
Jack’s clawed fingers easily moved down to your pussy, already wet from the budding anticipation. He cooed condescendingly. “Awh, and here I thought I would need to convince you even more.” His index and middle finger opened your lips up, and through the darkness, his sockets keyed in on your glistening pussy. “You were made for this, to please me, to be bred by me.” Slowly, he slid his index finger inside of you and watched through the darkness of your room as you bloomed for him. Heat painted your entire body, most notably your cheeks - Jack’s always had the ability to sort of ‘toggle’ thermal vision - and that’s where the heat was most notably concentrated. Well, that and definitely between your legs. Your pussy was burning for him. Needed to be filled, didn’t it?
His index finger was soon joined by his middle, and he stretched you out as best as he could. “You feel so warm, kochanie,” he grinned. “So soft and sweet, and you smell just as good too. Maybe I should get a taste before I take you,” he thought aloud.
Fearing retaliation, you hesitantly nodded. “Okay,” you squeaked like a deer caught in headlights. It didn’t help that your body seemed to call for him. Despite how much you knew this wasn’t good, your body squeezed around him. When his thumb circled your clit, you moaned softly, embarrassed that you showed him even a smidge of pleasure. He thumbed your clit some more and felt your hips buck up.
And he laughed. Jack laughed.
“See? I knew you couldn’t resist me.” After he fingered you a little bit more, enjoying the sounds of your soft moans and how you desperately tried to deny your true feelings towards him, he pulled his fingers out. “Do not pout,” he chuckled as he lifted his fingers to his lips. One of his tongues slithered out of his mouth once more before curling around his slick covered fingers. An obscene moan left his lips, and if he had eyes, you were sure that they would be rolling up. “Gods, you taste so good,” he praised. “So sugary and meaty,” he moaned again. “Perfectly made for me.”
Jack mounted you this time, the head of his cock pressed against your tight lips as he watched you squirm underneath him. It was magical to see you buck your hips up like you could hardly resist him. “Open up, kochanie,” he cooed as he started to push his thick cock into you. He grinned when your nails dug into his uncovered forearms while your eyes widened. “Wrap your legs around me and breathe. Take me. Take me,” he whispered again and again, his hips pushing closer and closer to your body as his cock split you open.
You did just that, legs wrapped tightly around his waist before moving your hands up to his back. Your nails dug into his hoodie while you pulled him tightly against you. Your heart rate skyrocketed as he pulled his hips back and then thrusted sharply forwards, the head of his cock hitting your cervix while not even fully hilted inside of you. His knot was thickly pressed against you, far too big for you to take, balls rested against your ass and heavy with cum. “Oh, oh my gods-” you wept as your body struggled to adjust to his size. He felt so big, every part of him.
“Bloom for me,” he urged as he started to thrust his hips. His lips danced across your neck as he cock filled you with every thrust. “My sweet, sweet girl,” he praised, “look at you. How beautiful you are.”
Your thighs were tense as he began to pick up the pace as you softly moaned for him, unable to deny any longer just how good Jack was making you feel. The tears that had welled in your eyes slipped down your cheeks but you unashamedly kept calling out for him. Your pussy felt so stretched open and still small as your slick gushed around him. You were soaking the bed from how good he stroked you. You arched your back slightly into his chest and tipped your head back to allow his lips to travel back up to your throat. You felt his teeth playfully move around where he’d already bitten you before softly biting you on the opposite side to mirror it.
“You’re mine now, kochanie. Mine now forever.” The sounds of your moans were like music to his ears as he listened to your moans and how your body grew closer and closer to being knotted. He’d breed you, and then you’d have no choice but to be his for all eternity.
#minors dni#eyeless jack x reader#eyeless jack x you#eyeless jack x y/n#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x female reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta x y/n
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no but i'm still not over the fact if you were a kook and you were dating jj, you obviously would think he's dead bc of how long he was missing for but when your mom told you someone was there to see you, you'd turn around and you'd see jj, worse for wear and you'd immediately hug him.
if you had one of his necklaces and you were still wearing it, he'd point that out too brb sobbing
"Yn, you have got to get out of bed, it's been 3 weeks since you barely left this room" Your mom scolded, but you were too upset to even turn your body. You clung tightly on one of JJ's hats with his necklace in your hand which was around your neck, wishing you could fall into the mattress and disappear.
Your boyfriend was dead.
JJ Maybank was the only Pogue to treat you with respect. When he asked you out, you thought it was a dare, a challenge to see if a Pogue like him could get with a Kook like you. You were far off, his friends didn't even know about him asking you out, they would've said no.
You fell deeply in love with JJ for over a year, even though he would be gone for days. But this time, it was weeks. You wanted to keep hoping he was coming back, but after the first week, you started to lose it. Every day seemed long, checking your phone obsessively for a text, a call, anything.
Nothing.
"This is ridiculous" Your mother huffed and slammed the door, your eyes barely batting at the loud noise. You were numb. JJ was the only one who made you feel safe and heard, and vice versa.
You sat up, taking your body and the hat to the bathroom. You took the hat everywhere you went in the house, it brought you comfort. But it wasn't JJ. You set the hat on the counter and turn the water on. It had been a week since your last shower, you were too sad to do anything.
Topper tried getting you out of the house, but you told him to fuck off. You hated Topper, always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong just to please his mother.
The water fell down your back, over your hair as you closed your eyes. Your washed and conditioned- twice. You took time with your body, letting yourself relax in the steam. As you stood under the water, eyes closed with your head tilted up, you pushed your hair back and just saw memories of JJ. You couldn't tell if it was water or tears, you finally cried. 3 weeks of missing JJ, 3 weeks of him being presumed dead. You let it all out, not caring if your mom could hear.
You finally calmed down, probably racking up the water bill. You turned off the water and step out, doing some skincare before heading into your room. You got dressed in shorts and one of JJ's shirts. You said on the edge of your bed, looking at your wall.
"Yn," your mother pushed into your room looking at your pillows, then at you. "Oh, you showered. Well, someone's here for you" You roll your eyes softly and force yourself to stand, heading to your door and your mother disappears in her office.
You head down the stairs and open the door, your breath no longer in your lungs. The Earth stopped turning. The world blurred, everything around you became blurry. Everything but him.
"Miss me, princess?" His voice made your ear drums ring, you could go blind staring into his bright eyes. They filled with tears, as did yours. You collide your body with JJ's and he loses his balance, laying down on the grass with you, the both of you tightly holding each other.
He tried to pulled away and you pulled him back in, crying into his neck. "I thought you were dead, JJ. I-I thought I'd never see you again" Your voice was shaking and JJ pulled away, sitting you two up and holding your cheek and brushing hair off your teary face.
"You thought I would leave you here?" He smiled and you returned one, grabbing his necklace and kissing him hard. Your arms wrap around his neck with his around your waist, your fingers in his hair. “Nice necklace by the way” he winked and you blush.
"JJ.. you know I love you with all my heart," You hold his face, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. "But.. you.. smell really gross" He laughs and you smile, JJ wiping his nose.
"I know, I know. Weeks on an island then trying to save our asses from a really scary dude, a shower was the least of my worries. Plus, I came home to a scary piece of paper on my door"
"JJ.." You rub your hand down his bicep and he shrugs. "Come stay with me, we have some catching up to do anyway"
"What about your mom?"
"I'm not worried about her. All I'm focused on is getting you a shower, fresh clothes, and something big to eat" You smile and kiss him again, bringing him inside.
You finally had your boyfriend back.
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank blurb#jj maybank blurbs#jj maybank fic#jj maybank fanfiction#rudy pankow#outer banks#outer banks 3#outer banks season 3
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Backyard Boy Part 3
Rodrick Heffley x Reader
Word Count: 2k+
Summary: School is officially back in session and things are looking great, well we’re looking great. An unexpected reunion at the beginning of class is throwing you for a loop, and it seems you aren’t going to be able to avoid the impending confrontation. But hey pizza with your favorite drummer boy is bound to make you feel better, right..?
Part 3
Previous Next
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Summer came and went faster than I wanted it to but at least it was fun, I was able to split my time evenly between hanging out with Rodrick and Racrn. Racrn is the silly little acronym I came up with using the first letters of everyone's names: Renatta, Alejandro, Cecily, Reese, and Nolan. Apparently, they liked it too, and it ended up sticking as a nickname for the group. It was just an easier way to refer to the group compared to ‘insert someone's name and them’. Lame and obnoxiously wordy.
School finally started up again, in my senior year. In a sorta new town, new friends, new clothes, and a very new me. I walked into the school like I had months before during the last week of school, this was different though. No longer did tension hang heavy in the air from final exams, instead the air was full of life and excitement as students talked through the hallways buzzing with joy and telling their peers the glories or tragedies of their summer break.
I exhaled with a smile, very happy about the changed atmosphere, and made my way through the sea of people to my locker. It was in one of the main school hallways which thankfully wasn’t too crowded at the moment. I opened it and tucked my backpack neatly inside before pulling out some of the locker decorations I’d bought the week before. I lined the inner part of the door with taped-up pictures, one from hangouts with Racrn, pictures of me and Rodrick, and a few cute stickers. I smiled at the sight of my freshly customized locker then grabbed the stuff I’d need for class before shutting and locking my locker.
I headed towards the stairs hoping to make it to my first period in time when I spotted a certain black-haired dork standing off to the side. He talked animatedly to his friends as he twirled a drumstick idly in his hand, he glanced over at me when he presumably felt me staring. He flashed me a grin and I waved and mouthed a ‘Don’t be late to class’ before walking off. I didn’t manage to catch him rolling his eyes before I disappeared up the stairs though.
My first few classes weren’t that bad, it was a bunch of electives since I opted out of most of the classes I already had enough credits for. Except for math, for some stupid reason, I needed to take it. My old school was apparently weird and because I didn’t finish out the secound semester for math I didn’t get the full credit, why or how that is I have no clue. So I buckled in mentally to take another math class, which of course was pre-calculus and my next class.
I walked into the classroom and it was partially empty as there were still three minutes until the bell rang. I smiled seeing Renatta was in class with me nodding along as a blonde girl spoke to her. I waved as I walked over, she waved back and the blonde girl turned to look at me.
“O m g! If it isn’t little ole California Sunshine themself, what on Earth brings you to this side of the world?” Heather fucking Hills said with that same condescending tone and smile on her pretty face.
I forced a smile while sitting down behind Renatta who looked like a deer in headlights, her mouth agape and all, looking between the two of us. I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do later and I was not at all looking forward to it.
“Nice to see you’re still the Same Heather, never thought I’d see you again.”
‘More like I hoped I’d never see you again.’
“I know, but seriously what are you doing here? Didn’t you totally say you’d never leave California, like ever?” She asked, quaking her head to the side, her face etched with fake curiosity and a hint of unease.
“Yeah that was the plan, but there was a pretty bad earthquake that ended up splitting our home in half. My parents were tired of earthquakes and moved us out here to completely avoid them. What are you doing here? I thought you lived in Oregon?”
“Okay, I’m going to cut you guys off right there. How the hell do you two know each other?!” Renatta asked, flabbergasted as she looked back and forth between us, Heather glanced quickly over at me but I didn’t even have to look at her to know what she was feeling.
“We met on a family vacation, she was in the room next to mine and we just ended up.. hanging out,” I said with a shrug and Heather just looked me up and down before turning away.
“Hanging out is a bit of an overstatement, but whatever.”
Renatta looked ready to ask more questions but as the bell rang, Mr. Lanaski began class giving her no opportunity to. I knew that this would only be a temporary measure though, as I had lunch with the whole Racrcn group next period. I slumped back into my chair and absently listened to the teacher as he gave us a rundown of how his class would be, it was even worse with me receiving knowing looks from both Renatta and Heather. Who I would also probably have to talk too soon, and I had no idea how that conversation would go.
★ ✮ ★
The bell rings and both girls try and drag me away with them out of the class, they cast glares at each other while everyone else is quickly filling out of the classroom. I managed to break free from their grasp but the looks on both their faces told me that I’d regret even trying to leave, I just started to pack my things as they argued about who gets to talk to me first.
“They were my friend before they were yours!” Heather huffs crossing her arms.
“I thought you guys barely even hung out, besides don’t you have a class to go to? We’re headed to lunch.” Renatta snapped back flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Oh really? That’s perfect, we’re all friends, yeah, so I’ll join you at your lunch table.”
“Oh, absolutely not!-“ Renatta began but I immediately opted out of sitting with Heather AND Racrn at one lunch table, before either of them could react I grabbed my stuff and bolted out of the classroom.
Thankfully the hallway was still crowded so I could blend in and quickly get away, once I felt safe I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I headed to my locker ready to drop off my stuff and spend lunch anywhere but the library when I felt someone blow on the back of my neck and whisper.
“Boo.” I jumped and slammed my locker shut, I turned slowly praying it wasn’t Heather or Renatta but thankfully it was just Rodrick.
“Jeez Rodrick, don't do that! You scared the ever-loving shit outta me!” I said with a heavy sigh and leaned back against my locker while Rodrick stepped back his hands in the air to surrender.
“Sorry, sorry! I couldn’t resist, anyways where are you headed next?”
“I have lunch right now but I’m definitely not going to that cafeteria, for a number of reasons.”
“Perfect, cuz I was wondering if you would be down to skip the rest of school with me. It’s all just boring ass-“
I didn’t even let him finish trying to convince me, “Yes! I mean yeah, let’s cut school. Nothing important I’m going to miss out on, let’s go.”
He was a bit surprised by how readily I agreed but rolled with it, he led me out of the school to where his van was parked then we peeled out of the parking lot. I let out a relieved sigh as I watched the school grow smaller in the rearview mirror, though I could see Rodrick eyeing me curiously out of the corner of my eye.
“So… what do you want to go and do?”
“You asked me to ditch and didn’t even have a plan to do anything?”
“I didn’t expect to get that far okay! I figured you’d be a stick in the mud and I’d just have to ask Ben to skip with me.” I just laughed and shook my head.
“Fine, since I’m skipping lunch let’s go grab something to eat then we could hang out at my place. How’s that sound?”
“You had me at lunch.” He said with a grin speeding off to the nearest fast food joint.
★ ✮ ★
We ended up splitting a pizza, Rodrick ate on the floor while I sat in a bean bag chair I’d recently gotten. Rodrick talked on and on all, while he ate, I was perfectly content on just half listening and trying to be grossed out that he talked while he ate. I was kind of lost in my own head, trying to figure out what to do. I glanced over at my phone and sat on my bed, I was not looking forward to the dozens of calls I likely already had from Renatta.
“- and then he turned into an alien and kidnapped me… Dude, are you even listening?” Rodrick said and I snapped my gaze down to him, nodding quickly.
“Uh huh yeah, an alien guy kidnapped you- no I’m sorry I wasn’t at all. Just start again from the party I’m listening to now.” He shook his head and sat up, taking another slice of pizza.
“Nah it’s not that important, talk to me. You’ve seemed out of it since we left school, what’s up?” He took a bite out of his pizza and gestured for me to talk, I let out a heavy sigh and sunk deeper into the bean bag chair.
“My entire world kinda just flipped on its axis? I mean it’s not that huge of a deal but maybe I’m minimizing it cuz if I do start thinking it’s that big of a deal I might just die on the spot. But uh so you know how I lived in Cali, right? I was on vacation in a different town there and met this girl, we bonded over some stuff and became really close. Well turns out she goes to our school and is kind of friends with Renatta, both of whom really want to talk to me. And I’m just not ready for it.” I paused letting some of that sink in as I finished the rest of my slice of pizza before going for another one.
“When do you think you’ll be ready to talk to them?”
“I don’t really know to be honest, I don’t even know what to say to either of them. But I can’t talk to one without talking to the other, and I can’t even talk to anyone about what we need to talk about. Which would easily explain how we know each other, just ugh I might just drop out.” I groaned and angrily took a bite out of my pizza as I stared up at my ceiling, Rodrick stayed silent for a moment thinking about what I said.
“Well you have to talk to them eventually, but they’ll both have to accept that that will only happen on your own time. So just like let them know that and take it slow. If they’re even worth your time they’ll understand and wait until you’re ready, especially if it’s important.” He said in between mouthfuls, though his words resonated with me.
He was right, I didn’t have to explain and talk about everything right now. Heather’s cool but she knows how much I have at stake here too and should understand where I’m coming from, and Renatta is still a newish friend and shouldn’t expect me to relay every little detail of my life to her.
“Thanks, Rodrick, that was really helpful. I don’t owe either of them an explanation or my time right now. You really rock dude.” I said with a smile feeling a little bit better.
But then the doorbell rang, again and again and again. I jumped shocked by the incessant ringing, Rodrick looked as surprised as I was and got up. He went into the hallway and peered through the blinds out the window before coming back into the room.
��By any chance.. was that girl you met on vacation Heather Hills?” He asked wide-eyed as he held the door frame, I nodded and stood shakily.
I could tell her that we would talk later, it would be simple enough right? It’s not like we left off on bad terms, we left off on great ones, right? No amount of reassurance seemed to work as I descended the stairs and made my way to the front door, the doorbell still ringing loudly through the house. But the closer I got the more clearly I could hear her yelling, I took a deep breath and opened the door. She was mid-doorbell press and all of Racrn stood behind her, all of them equally confused and loving the drama.
“Uhm Hi…?”
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#reader insert#x reader#fluff#minawritesfanfic#my writing#rodrick heffley x reader#drama#doawk rodrick#doawk#fanfic#fanfiction#part 3
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been having a tough time.. stuff about it under the cut
writing a stream of consciousness about the past few months. I've been really depressed. I kept getting burned out from my job almost monthly, but could bounce back when I took a little time off. Then midway through the summer, it's like I just got stuck and couldn't get.. unstuck. by fall I had a full blown depressive episode; in september I could admit I was depressed, in october I went on medication for it, and by the time november came around it felt like there was no end in sight. Fall is my favorite time of year, and I felt like I was in a fugue state and missed it because I barely existed.
the ways this showed up in my body are unlike anything I ever experienced in my life before and that was terrifying. my head and body ached like I was coming home from war every day. I was falling asleep at the wheel, and it was a recurring pattern; my body was shutting itself off when the thought of what I'd have to deal with at work was becoming too much. I burst into tears whenever I saw my friends post pics hanging out and wished I could live closer and see them more. I felt so overwhelmed and empty, I needed everything to stop and I wanted to disappear.
my job is fucking hard. I try not to talk about it on here, but I work with people who are hurting and traumatized. I regularly have to tell them when I believe the choices they're making are going to wind up killing them. I have to tell them the last things they want to hear and still hope they trust me. The average burnout rate at my job is 2 years, I've been there for 16 months. I'm 24 and the youngest one there by a long shot. I know I'm good at what I do, but still feel way in over my head, I feel like I don't get to be my age. I've thought about quitting but I don't think I have it in me to leave and start over somewhere new just yet, not now. I feel trapped because as hard as the work is, I get way better amenities there than at most other places; this place is basically as good as it gets where I live and it's still killing me.
even tho I know how severe things were getting, I feel so guilty for ways I fell off the face of the earth. I stopped talking to friends, family, coworkers, pretty much everyone. I bailed on linktober and a bunch of other art projects I lined up and thought I had the energy to pull off. In general I just feel like a failure even though I know that isn't true.
I broke down hard and took a leave of absence, I get a few weeks off from my job. I've been off for 10 days and as badly as I've wanted to draw the idea also makes me want to jump out of my skin. So I'm taking time and hoping it comes back while I pull myself together.
I could use some advice or wisdom from anyone who has been through this in any capacity. Even silly stuff in my inbox would make my day. Tumblr was my comfort place when I was a kid and I think it will do me good to be able to look back on this post after I've worked through this and I'm doing better. Thanks for reading all of this if you did, it means a lot <3
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[39 weeks later]
well all right then. I owe some explanations and some updates, so let's just get straight to that.
1. "what the hell, makeste. you can't just disappear for nine months and leave a sign on your blog that says "gone leavin'.'"
yeah I know. sorry guys.
so there are a lot of reasons for my long absence, but when you boil it all down, the essence is basically as follows: at its absolute max capacity, my ADHD brain is capable of keeping up with any two of the following: (1) work; (2) school; (3) tumblr. that's it. only two. no more and no less.
and for years this has not mattered at all because school was no longer in the picture! but as mentioned in my last two update posts, as of this past January, I had to start taking classes again for career advancement reasons, meaning my brain was quickly overloaded and something had to give. so yeah. I can assure you the past nine months have absolutely sucked and I am not AT ALL sure that it was worth it, but it is what it is.
I also want to add that I never intended to basically fall off the face of the earth anywhere near to this extent, let alone for this long. but in retrospect I probably should have seen it coming, seeing as this is not the first time it's happened, sob. and also in hindsight, towards the end of last year (during which I was already struggling to keep up with the weekly BnHA reactions) someone mentioned that it sounded like I was showing signs of being potentially close to burnout. turns out that observation was spot on lol.
so yeah. tl;dr, burnout + an obnoxiously busy real life schedule + a sprinkling of good old-fashioned ADHD "somehow I always underestimate how hard it is to restart something after taking a long break from it, and the longer I go without returning the worse it gets" brain shenanigans (more on that last part further down).
2. "MAKESTE. WHILE YOU WERE GONE, IN THE MANGA, THERE WAS A THING -- "
yes I have unfortunately been spoiled about The Thing.
3. "so wait, exactly how spoiled are you?? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE THING"
I will make a separate post to talk about The Thing! I expect that many people will want to talk about this, and tbh I've really been wanting to talk about it too! I'm telling you, when I say the past nine months have sucked, I mean they have truly SUCKED, you guys. school is so fucking boring and I miss rambling about fandom stuff so fucking much.
anyway but with that said, ~*~PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANY SPOILERS IN THIS POST~*~. I don't want to delete anybody's comments! but I will if necessary because I am a spoiler narc and I don't want to risk accidentally ruining stuff on the off chance that a non-spoiled person comes across this post. so yeah. however please do feel free to message me or comment in my other post (which I will link once it’s up; eta: here it is) if you do want to talk about The Thing.
4. "so aside from The Thing, are you otherwise caught up with the BnHA manga currently?"
so here's the hilarious part: no, I am not caught up. not even remotely. literally the last chapter of BnHA I read was chapter 339, which is the most recent chapter that I liveblogged, all the way back on December 31, 2021. I literally have not read a single new BnHA chapter in the year of our lord 2022 lol. :') basically for the same reasons I mentioned in my previous update post. tl;dr, reading/liveblogging a single new BnHA chapter is a minimum 4+ hour commitment for me, and by this point I have accrued a backlog of... oh sweet lord. 35 total chapters lol. so yeah. that's approximately 140 hours of catch-up that I need to do, which is paralyzing just to think about.
I do still plan on catching up, obviously! I'm just not sure how, lol. I may have some time to spare this weekend, so I might try to binge a few chapters and see how it goes. then I'll have to come up with some sort of sustainable posting schedule. I've been thinking about this for a while and I might try to do a Mon/Wed/Fri thing if I can swing it, but I don't want to commit to anything for sure yet until I see how those first few chapters go. fingers crossed, though.
anyway so I guess that's it. post is getting long. anything more will just be rambling.
sorry again, guys. how is everyone? what did I miss. aside from twitter dying and tumblr welcoming the refugees into our culture by inviting them to participate in the newly created fandom of a nonexistent 1970s mafia film.
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Dew’s Turn
Part two
Tags: Era 3 ghouls, water ghoul Dew, elemental transition, descriptions of burning, brief suicidal thoughts, hurt/minimal comfort if you squint, polyghouls my beloved
Word count: 4459
Summary: It was time to start fresh with the Ghost Project and Ifrit was bound and determined to keep what remained of his pack safe, but we can’t always get what we want.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I wouldn’t pick anyone except for you.”
Dewdrop looked at the massive fire ghoul standing before him with a dumbfounded expression as the words started to sink in. He couldn’t be serious. There’s no way. Just moments before, Dew had been lounging in his bathtub enjoying the day off. He longed to go back and sink under the water and never come back up so he wouldn’t have to face whatever this was.
Ifrit had come to his room quietly, the first sign something was wrong. The fire ghoul was usually so loud and energetic, but when he came to Dew’s room, he seemed smaller, like someone had blown out his flame. When he knocked the water ghoul almost thought he imagined it before he heard it again.
At first he assumed Ifrit had come to blow off some steam by pounding his favorite little water ghoul into the bed. Dew was secretly hoping that was the case when he saw who was at his door. Ifrit has rarely been that close with any of the ghouls since Zephyr disappeared, and he missed the warmth that came with him. However, the moment he entered Dew’s room he could tell something serious happened. He could smell it on him, anxiety and grief rolled off of him leaving a sour taste in Dew’s mouth. That immediately made his heart spike and his chest tighten.
He’d only been on earth for a year or so, but so much has happened in that time. He still wasn’t fully adjusted to life topside and he had been quickly forced to learn an instrument he’s never seen before. He missed his pack back in the Pits. He became protective of his new one on earth as ghouls started to disappear. He was terrified of what Ifrit was going to say if he was shaken to silence. Did something happen to Mist? Is Mountain okay? Did Omega disappear too? What if it’s about Aether? The last thought made him feel lightheaded. He had been joined at the hip with the quintessence ghoul ever since their summoning day. He doesn't know what he’d do if Ifrit came to tell him another member of the pack went missing.
Almost as if Ifrit could sense the little ghoul’s anxieties he shook his head
“Everybody is fine, droplet, it’s okay.”
Dew was rigid. The pet name, coupled with the soft tone of his voice, told him all he needed to know.
“What’s going on Ifrit?” He held his breath waiting for the bigger ghoul to respond. He just looked at Dew for a long moment, admiring his features before he spoke.
“I’m getting replaced,” He said quietly, as if that would somehow lessen the impact of the words. Dew felt like a hole had opened under him and swallowed him. His stomach dropped as the words hung in the air.
“What.”
“I’m getting replaced,” He said again, this time a bit louder, “They want to start fresh. They asked me to pick a new lead or they’d do it themselves.”
Dew felt his mouth go dry. He wasn’t fucking with him. How could they replace him! Start fresh? What does that even mean? Suddenly a realization crept into his mind. His eyes snapped up to meet Ifrit’s. He looked terribly nervous.
“What about…?”
“The others? No. No Mountain and Aether are staying.”
He felt relief wash over him at that before it hit him. Ifrit didn’t say his name. Slowly the pieces started to fall into place.
“Frit… Who did you pick?” When the fire ghoul didn’t respond Dew asked the question again with a bit of force behind it. There was a moment of silence before Dew laughed dryly.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I wouldn’t pick anyone except for you.”
He stared at Ifrit in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious. It’s impossible; He wasn’t a leader, he couldn't be in charge of a whole pack. He couldn’t replace Ifrit. He was struck into silence until he realized something that could stop all of this.
“You can’t pick me. I’m a water ghoul and you need a fire ghoul to replace you.” He started to smile as if this was the most brilliant thing he’s ever thought of. That was quickly snuffed out when Ifrit started to speak again.
“You think they haven’t thought of that,” His voice cracked on the last word. Every ghoul knew the stories. The legends that it was possible to become a different element if you could adapt to it. But that’s all they were. Legends. No ghoul had ever tried it before, out of fear of what might happen if they couldn’t adapt.
Dew felt his blood run cold. All he could do was stare at Ifrit silently, begging that this was some sick prank on him.
“No,” Was all he could manage. He shook his head and started to back away from Ifrit in a panic. “No, you’re lying to me. It’s impossible. They’ll… It’ll kill me!” He tripped on the corner of the desk in his room and fell backwards hard onto the floor. He stared up at Ifrit in fear.
The scene broke the fire ghoul’s heart. The past few months had been too much for him. The disappearance of Zephyr hit him harder than anyone. Mist did her best to comfort him, but nothing seemed to work. When he found out about the plans to “start fresh” with the Ghost Project he knew he had to protect what remained of his pack.
So he made a deal with Sister Imperator. He would step down as the lead willingly so long as he got to pick the replacement. When he picked Dew he thought they’d put Mist back on bass. He could live with himself being gone, as long as the rest were okay. What he didn’t expect was for Omega to shove him against a wall days later threatening to rip his throat out.
Turns out, the quintessence ghoul had been tasked with gathering the necessary things to perform an elemental change ritual. Specifically, water to fire. Omega only put him down when he realized Ifrit had no idea that’s what the Clergy intended to do when Dew was picked as the replacement. Something about keeping tradition was all Sister had to offer when Ifrit stormed into her office with smoke rolling off of him. That was two weeks ago. He hadn’t had the strength to give the little ghoul his death sentence any sooner.
“Droplet, listen,” He took a cautious step towards Dew, causing him to crawl backwards away from him with a hiss. Ifrit stopped in his tracks and moved away so he wouldn’t scare the little water ghoul.
“Dew, please listen to me. I picked you for this because I knew if any ghoul could handle it, it’s you.”
He began to slowly crouch down, sitting himself across from the terrified water ghoul.
“I was there when you were summoned. I saw the way you clawed yourself out of the pits. I know you can be their leader.”
I know you can survive the transition. He couldn’t say the last part out loud. He didn’t want to think about what had to be done to make Dew a fire ghoul. Dewdrop slowly propped himself up so he was sitting with his knees to his chest, tail curled tightly around himself.
“When?” He whispered, still looking at Ifrit. His gills were fluttering nervously as he waited for his response.
Ifrit winced, “Tomorrow.”
He dropped his gaze, unable to look Dew in the eyes. He didn’t want to see the fear, or the betrayal.
Before he knew what was happening, he saw a flurry of white out of the corner of his eye, before he felt Dew’s entire weight crash into him. He tensed, expecting to feel the sting of his claws and fangs. He wouldn’t fight back; he knew he deserved it. But the assault never came. He slowly cracked his eyes open and looked down to see Dew shaking as he clung to him. His breath hitched when he heard him sniff. He buried his face into his white hair, pressing kisses and apologies to the top of his head. He had to blink away the tears that started to form in his eyes. He didn’t deserve to cry. This was his fault, after all.
A few moments passed before Dew mumbled something into Ifrit’s chest.
“What was that, droplet?” He forced himself to keep his voice even.
“Stay with me… Please. If this is my last night, I-“ Ifrit stopped him from finishing his thought by quickly scooping him up and setting both of them onto the bed.
“It’s not going to be your last night. You’re going to make it through that ritual and after you’ve recovered I’m going to show you all the abilities of fire and I’ll teach you how to play any song you want on guitar.” Ifrit squeezed Dew tighter as he spoke, trying to will his words into existence.
Dew looked up at him with wet eyes, “You promise?”
“Yeah. Yeah, Dewy, I promise. Anything you want and I’ll make it happen.”
“That… Sounds nice.”
“It does, doesn’t it?”
Ifrit curled himself around Dew’s tiny body, keeping him close to his chest. He would give Dew all of his warmth just to help him settle.
Eventually, the sounds of Dew’s soft sobs came to a stop as his breathing became even, and he fell asleep buried in the massive fire ghoul.
It was only then that Ifirt let himself cry.
I fucked up Zeph. I fucked up, and Dew is gonna be the one to pay for it.
He tried to be as quiet as he could so as to not disturb his sleep. He’d need his energy for tomorrow. There were a few times Ifrit had to turn his head and bury it into the pillows to stop a sob from breaking the silence of the evening.
~~~
Dew began to stir as the soft knocking turned into a pound. He cracked open his eyes. It was still dark out. He groaned and moved to get out of bed when he felt himself being squeezed. That’s when he remembered; Today was the day he would die. The pounding at the door was only getting louder. Ifrit was staring at the door with a growl deep in his chest.
“Frit, please.”
He knew he wasn’t going to let go of him unless he practically begged. Hearing Dew’s voice broke him out of the spell. He looked down at him with soft eyes and a flicker of hesitation before he slowly let him go and got up to open the door.
There stood Mountain, looking like someone had punched him in the gut.
“Omega… Sent me to come get you both. Said something about needing to start it before the sun started to rise.”
Mountain was usually pretty calm, but when he spoke, there was nothing but venom in his words. The scent of fear and hatred made Ifrit want to puke.
“Thanks Mountain, just give us a moment.”
The earth ghoul nodded and Ifrit shut the door. He turned back to Dew who was sitting on the side of the bed, back towards the door. Before Ifrit could say anything he slowly got up and walked to his dresser. He dug around before pulling something out. He held it to his chest for a moment before walking over to Ifrit.
“Hold out your hand,” He whispered. Ifrit did so without hesitation. Dew shakily placed the object into his hands. When Ifrit saw what it was he gasped. It was a silver grucifix necklace.
“Dew… This is what I gave you when you were first summoned. I didn’t know you kept it, I never saw you wear it.”
“Take it back.”
He blinked slowly, “What?”
“Take it so you have something to remember me by.”
Ifrit just stared at the necklace for a moment before closing his hand and clutching it to his chest, “I’m not keeping it.”
Dew looked like he was going to protest before Ifrit continued, “But I’ll hold onto it for you. I’ll give it right back when I see you after the ritual.”
He gave Dew the best smile he could manage. He had to believe he’d make it, that there was an ounce of truth to the legends.
Dew took a deep breath and pounced on Ifrit, wrapping his arms around him. Ifrit immediately returned the hug.
“I’m scared.”
“I know.”
“Will you be there?”
“I won’t leave. No matter what.”
Ifrit pulled back from the embrace to gaze at him. He took time to memorize Dew’s features. His piercing blue eyes, his pure white hair, the fins on his arms and tail, the way his gills fluttered. He squeezed Dew’s shoulders affectionately before pressing his forehead against the water ghouls. He was about to say something when Mountain knocked on the door again. He sighed and whispered something to him that made Dew rigid.
The two then pulled away from each other and left the room, following Mountain to wherever Omega was waiting for them.
Mountain led them outside to the very edge of the tree line. It was still dark outside, but the first rays of the day were starting to peek through the horizon. The Ministry was still visible from where the ghouls stood. The building was still dark, not a single soul had risen yet. As Dew walked he looked up at the sky, focusing on the few stars that still hung in the fading night. When his eyes caught on Venus, he muttered a quick prayer that he would be strong enough to live, and if not, that the rest of the pack would be okay without him. When the three ghouls were only a few feet away from the scene, Dew stopped. He couldn’t go any farther. His legs wouldn’t work. He stared at the piles of wood, at Omega muttering to himself as he read the ancient manuscript in his hands, at the knife Mist was holding.
He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to die. He couldn’t care less about what element he possessed, but the thought of dying, the thought of just burning to nothing but ash, made him lightheaded.
His ears started to ring as his chest tightened. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. The only thought that went through his mind was I’m going to die as he felt his knees give out from under him. He barely registered that Mountain and Ifrit were crouched next to him trying to get his attention. All he could do was stare into nothing as he tried and failed to get his breathing under control. He hadn't realized he had curled in on himself until he felt his claws digging into his scalp. In that moment he wondered what would happen if he just dug his claws into his gills and pulled until his hands met in the middle. It would be quick. It would hurt a lot less than whatever was about to happen. It would be the same result, and at least there would be something left of him.
He only realized he had started to actually squeeze his gills when he felt hands on top of his. He looked up and was met with a pair of purple eyes looking at him with fear. Dew wanted to cry but he couldn’t. He was still shaking. He still wasn’t grounded enough to understand what was happening.
“Aether?” Was all he could manage to squeak out. If the quintessence ghoul spoke he didn’t hear it, all he felt was his arms wrapping him tight against his body, practically crushing him. With the weight around him, Dew finally started to feel like he was back in his body. He took a moment to breathe in Aether’s scent. The last time he’d ever do so.
“Aether, it’s going to hurt. I don’t want it to hurt.” He whined against his neck.
Aether took a breath before speaking, “I’ll do what I can to make it not hurt. The moment it’s done I won’t leave your side. You won’t have to feel a thing.”
As if to emphasize his point, he let a small amount of quintessence magic spark to life on his fingertips and through Dew’s body. He felt his whole body relax as the magic made his muscles loosen. He wanted to stay like this forever, curled up in Aether’s arms where he knew he’d be safe. The thought that this could be the last time he feels Aether’s touch made his stomach drop. He had only just gotten used to the constant closeness of him, and now it was about to be ripped away.
He had been so absorbed in his thoughts he hadn’t realized Aether had kept talking.
“I’ll be right there when you come back to us… Please just come back to us. Please just stay.”
Dew honestly couldn’t tell if he was talking to him or if he was talking to himself. He didn’t care either way, as long as Aether kept talking.
“Dewdrop.”
The scene was broken by the sound of Omega’s voice cutting in. There was no malice in it, it was actually the softest Dew had ever heard Omega speak his name. He cautiously lifted his head from where it was buried in Aether’s neck. He let out a gasp when he saw Omega’s face. His expression was pained, but that wasn’t what had caught Dew by surprise. It was the fact that he could actually see his face. Unlike the rest of the ghouls, Omega tended to stick to the rules and traditions of always wearing his mask. The only other times Dew had seen him without out was the day he was summoned, and one night when he was sneaking into the kitchen he caught him slipping out of the papal chambers.
Once again, the seriousness of the situation settled deep within Dew. It was too late to turn back, to do anything really. He had to face it. He had to be steadfast if he was going to survive. He took one final deep breath and pulled back away from Aether just enough to look at him. If he was going to die there was one last thing he wanted. He desperately crashed his lips against Aether’s, practically head butting him in the process. It wasn’t the first time they’d kissed, and Dew hoped it wasn’t the last, but if it was he wanted to convey every unspoken feeling he had to him. Aether kissed him back just as desperately. He reached a shaky hand up to hold the water ghoul’s face, using his quintessence to let Dew actually feel everything Aether felt for him.
After a moment, Dew broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Aether’s. He sucked in a breath and then untangled himself from his grasp and stood. He clenched his hands into fists and felt his claws prick against his palms.
“I’m ready.”
His voice didn’t shake, it didn't crack. His jaw was set in determination as he looked at Omega. He needed to live. Not just for himself anymore, but for Aether. For Mountain and Ifrit. For all of them. He thought back to last night as he approached Omega and Mist. If Ifrit believes I’m strong enough, then I am.
He watched as Aether, Mountain, and Ifrit came to stand behind Mist. Omega looked to the East and narrowed his eyes
“It’s time.”
He put down the ancient looking manuscript and began arranging the various types of wood. It was a mixture of ash, willow, and birch. Mountain helped him with this task. They arranged it in a way so that Dew would be able to lay fully stretched out on it. He tore his eyes away when he heard Mist approaching him. He wanted to reach out and have her hold him, but he couldn’t. He knew if he did he wouldn’t let go. She held the knife she had been carrying in one hand while the other came up to rest on his shoulder. She pressed their heads together. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. She had spent all her time with Dew when he was summoned, teaching him how to play bass and how to live on land with a new body. She had watched him come into himself. While the other ghouls were leaning on false hope, too scared to think about what it would be like with no more Dew, Mist truly believed he was going to come out on the other side, and that was enough for her. He’ll be scarred, but he’ll still be her Dew, and that was what mattered most.
“You’re stronger than you know, Dew,” She said as she slowly brought the knife to his chest. She placed the tip of it just above where his water mark was on his sternum. She let it rest there for a moment. He sucked in a breath at the feeling of the cold metal. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen, but he had an idea when he felt Mist begin to add pressure. Carefully, she began to carve as she repeated a phrase in Infernal. Dew had to bite his lip to keep himself from crying out. Aether tried to move forward to relieve the pain but Omega’s voice rang out
“Don’t. The process has begun. If you do anything now, you’ll mess it up.”
Mountain and Omega stood by the wooden altar watching as Mist did her part. Aether slunk back to the sidelines with an apology.
When she was finished, his chest was a bloody mess. She has carved a pointed side up triangle over his water mark. The symbol for fire. He watched for a moment, mesmerized by the little rivers of blood dripping down his chest.
No turning back.
Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as he walked over to the wooden altar. He looked between Mountain and Omega and briefly wondered if it was the earth ghoul who had somehow managed to get ahold of wood from trees that grew in such vastly different areas. Almost as if he read his mind, Mountain nodded and spoke,
“They each mean something.”
“Oh? What are they?” Dew asked, trying to distract himself as Omega helped him lay down on the wooden altar. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears.
Mountain shook his head, “I’ll tell you when you wake up.”
Dew laid there on that wooden altar. A funeral pyre, really. He stared up at the sky as Omega and Mountain backed away. The day was bleeding into the little remains of the night sky. The stars weren’t visible anymore. He took it all in, enjoying the soft light of dawn. Even if he survived the transition of elements, this would be the last time he’d see the sky as a water ghoul.
Will the world be different when I’m a fire ghoul? He mused as he tried to not focus on the sounds of fire springing to life or Omega’s Infernal chanting.
“Ifrit. The fire,” Was the last thing Dewdrop heard before he felt pain like he’d never experienced before.
The first thing he felt was the heat of it all. It was too much for his amphibian-like skin. He could physically feel himself dry out. That feeling lasted for about 10 seconds before all he could feel was pain. It felt like someone had dropped the sun on him. He could feel his soft fins being burnt off. He felt like his skin was melting off and dissolving away. Everything was simultaneously too bright and too dark as the smoke from the wood started to rise. He only realized he had been screaming when he started to cough and choke. His gills fluttered uselessly as he tried to take in air. He couldn’t breathe. He started to flail trying to get away from the pain, but two hands held him down. Ifrit’s hands. This was the last thought Dew had before he became unconscious as his body burned.
Dewdrop was dead.
~~~
“He has to stay in the fire. It has to reach his core,” Omega kept a firm hand on Ifrit’s shoulder as he held Dew’s body in place, “If it doesn’t… Then the ritual will be a failure.”
Then he’ll be dead.
The true meaning of his words were left unspoken. Everyone knew what he meant. When Dew’s body had stopped moving and the screams had quieted, Ifrit finally removed his hands from the fire. That’s when Mist and Omega took a hand in theirs and squeezed. They were the only three to remain. Mountain had taken Aether back to the Ministry once the ritual had started, the sounds and smells of his companion burning to death was too much for him. If it wasn’t for Mountain holding him back, he would’ve ran over to extinguish the flames. He was acting on instinct. No one could blame him though; Not only were the two closer than any of the other ghouls, but he was quintessence. He could feel every emotion Dew was feeling. It was a miracle Omega was still standing that close to the pyre.
The three ghouls stood there for a long time, letting the reality of the situation sink in. There was nothing more they could do now, they just had to wait. It was only when the sun had fully risen did Omega turn to gather the excess materials and leave. Some time passed before Mist turned towards Ifrit, who had taken a seat right next to where the wooden altar was burning away.
“We should head back. Staring at it isn’t going to make him wake up any faster.”
Ifrit shook his head, “Omega said he has to stay in the fire. I have to make sure it doesn’t go out.”
To emphasize his point his eyes began to glow like embers as he stared at the pyre. He began to pool his magic into the flames to keep them strong.
Mist sat with him for a little while longer, until she couldn’t take the heat anymore. The morning sun and the proximity to the fire had started to dry her skin. Ifrit didn’t even notice her getting up to kiss him goodbye. He didn’t even realize she had left. His sole focus was on keeping the flame. He got Dew into this mess and he was going to make sure he came out alive on the other end.
#the band ghost#ghost bc#nameless ghouls#the band ghost fic#aether ghoul#dewdrop ghoul#ifrit ghoul#omega ghoul#mist ghoulette#hurt/comfort#era 3 ghouls#golfball writes
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Hey, it's Kai again. I have a fun question to share with you. Don't worry, if you have played PS2 Treasure Planet before or not that's okay because this question will be fun for you to wrap your head around. What will be the gameplay like if Trunks from Dragon Ball GT is playable in PS2 Treasure Planet? Now i'd imagine Trunks being playable can be OP as fuck, like he has ki flight and several other abilities. If he is playable in this game in a balanced (yet still OP) way, Trunks would have a larger HP pool (Comparing Jim's HP: 4 [5 if he collects 30 blue orbs]) would be 5 but unlike Jim's playstyle he would be a bit different. First of all, Trunks can collect blue orbs to regain his Ki meter (I imagine his Ki meter would appear right next to his HP colored coded Yellow). Ki can be used to fly for a limited duration, fire of blasts of ki, and do other things like Ki dashing. In the game Jim has morph, right? The same can be said with Trunks has Giru to accompany him with. Giru can be useful for some things like with powerups, storing green energies (Giru can carry up to 5 and if you die half of the green energies won't reset twice per level), and even show you where is the next black star dragon ball in the level. Trunks can swim in certain levels, mainly the TP levels where some of the harder platforming comes into effect. He can even dive underwater to find secrets such as hidden black star dragon balls or green energies. He also has a breath meter that lasts for a good three minutes before losing HP rather than just a cheap death. However he has some flaws, for one he can't do a double jump. Only a high jump, secondly he can't sneak away to avoid detection, and thirdly he can't go super saiyan nah i'm joking he can go super saiyan if his Ki meter is full. But that's the third flaw, once you activate super saiyan you only got about a minute before you revert. It acts like a temporary boost to all stats, your HP doubles, everything gets doubled except for the time limit.
Pretty useful ability during boss fights against the spider psycho boss and a few others. Trunks has a melee 3-hit combo and airborne slam move, but also he can attack in the water (but there's almost no need to except for a few enemies). However, Trunks has a useful guard move that if an enemy hits him while guarding he can counterattack with a teleport kick move or a retaliation ki blast if the enemy uses ranged attacks.
Now i wonder if Trunks can ride the solar surfboard? Well yeah, but as a silly easter egg you get by collecting the four black star dragon ball at Crecentia: Nightside without getting spotted once as Trunks. Would be a pretty fun way to make Trunks do the solar surfing levels with Jim following him. (Btw, i haven't played this game so i only watched a longplay of it)
harness i was looking for my best (air quote)dead(air quote) trunks pic to emphasize how dead this shit has me because i’m a FRAUD who hasn’t played the treasure planet game in like 10,000 years since my ps2 disappeared off the face of the earth my mom probably sold it right under my nose when i got my xbox 360
I WISH I HAD THE ABILITY TO COMMENT ON THIS… alas i do not. out of curiosity did you just search up treasure planet ps2 gameplay in youtube to find that video? i’ve been dodging doing that because i wanted to save up to buy a ps2 (or ps3) so i can replay all my ps2 games starting with treasure planet but your ask has tempted me to do otherwise so i can follow-up on this 😭
#YOU WROTE SO MUCH AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY BC I HAVENT PLAYED THE GAME SINCE 😭#i didn’t wanna spoil my future replay of it by watching a play through 🙏🏼💔#selfkaiharness#hell pig answered
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HELLO, LADIES, WORMS, HOMOSEXUALS
As we know I check the novacaine tags daily.
AND THE ATLAS SIX VACATION SERIES HAS BEEN UPDATED!
I LITERALLY SCREAMED
when the dust has set!!!!!!!!!
WHY YOU SHOULD READ THIS FIC:
Nico continues to wish he drowned instead of witnessing novacaine
LOVE CONFESSIONS
Sibling dynamics
Found family dynamics
Friendship dynamics
Sleepovers!!!
THE BEST ENDING EVER
Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers!
"They had gone upstairs together earlier today, probably to fuck. When they finally were downstairs again, Tristan had talked to him like nothing happened. Like the relationship between them was completely normal. Eventually, the two of them disappeared again, probably to fuck. Again."
Nico is so done. He is so done. He will commit murder if he has to deal with novacaine again.
"He didn’t want to think about them having sex, although it felt like that was all they ever did."
I mean...he's not wrong.
Then Nico sees Callum smile and is like what the actual fuck. He just stares at Tristan like "explain yourself". And Tristan is just like "la la la".
Nico is suffering.
"Wanted them to be the type of friends that could share those things. "
Awww Nico wants to be friends with Tristan <3
“It’s just that we were just there not too long ago. Before we went to my room. I just thought that Tristan doesn’t even go to his room that often. Only to sleep. Or with me,”
“And you wanted to rub that in our face again because….?”
HAHA Callum being jealous and petty and Nico just wanting to murder him.
Nico @ Callum constantly: You are a bitch.
"'Well, I don’t know. Why on earth would anyone want him dead?' Nico nodded toward Callum.
Callum put his hand on his heart and cooed at him.
'That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering for years now, Varona,' he said. Nico flipped him off. Tristan rubbed a hand over his face with a sigh."
I love these people so much. Callum is sooo petty and Nico is just pissed off and Tristan is like "I can't believe these are the people I want to hang out with".
"'So someone tried to blow me up. That’s nice.'
'Tried to blow you and Callum up,' Reina corrected.
'That I can understand,' Nico said. This time Tristan flipped him off.
Nico is #1 novacaine anti
"Nico had always suspected that was just a sex thing. Maybe Callum had just such a big dick that Tristan couldn’t resist. It simply couldn’t be because of his personality, because it was shit."
Correction Nico is just a Callum anti.
(Parisa listening to Nico's thoughts as he tries to understand novacaine is so funny.)
"'As long as we have pillow fights,' Callum added. Parisa snorted.
'Prepare to die again old man,' she threatened."
The friendship dynamics in this fix>>>>>
“If you even try to kiss each other below the belt while we’re in the same room I will cut off both of your dicks,”
LOLOLOL YESS GO OFF NICO!!
"Libby sighed. Callum sat down next to Tristan. He let himself fall back, held up by his elbows, and pushed his feet on Tristan’s lap. Tristan just let him. It was disgusting. "
Nico has "novacaine supporters" in his DNI on twitter.com
“We’re in love, for starters.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Maybe he quite liked the rest of them too. Some more than others, but there was fondness in him somewhere."
AW NICO IS MAKING FRIENDS <3 <3 <3
“Are you in love with him?”
“Yes,”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"so
i did dreamfuck you?"
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"'Got it after a few hours on the first day. Same handwriting as the invite. Suppose it was from Atlas. He’s been planning to kill me since then, I guess. Think he was hoping for you all to do it but no one did. Stayed here to spite him.'
'And to sleep with his favorite the whole time. To rub it in,' Parisa added. Callum smirked.
'Perhaps.'"
Aww Atlas's plan was that them being stuck here 'on vacation' would make them try to kill Callum again. But they didn't and instead made friends <3 <3 <3
Also, Callum got laaaaaid.
Bet you didn't expect that Atlas!
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS AN AMAZING ENDING. PHENOMENAL! PERFECTION! I LOVED IT!
I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
SO HAPPY!
I LOVE THIS AUTHOR'S WRITING SO MUCH!
GO READ THE ATLAS SIX VACATION SERIES OR I KILL YOU!
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hey! i'm lucy and i currently use they/she pronouns but this may change! i used to be very active on tumblr but then my mental health got bad and i disappeared off the face of the earth for like 2 years. but now i'm back and i've made a new account to start over!!! this is my little intro post but knowing me i'll write WAYYYYY too much and it'll be a lot less aesthetic than intended but oh well fuck it idgaf. (I've already written way more than i wanted to but idk what to delete ugh) (bare with me i promise I'll get to the point lmao)
ok so I'm lucy, they/she pronouns, and I'm comfortable with petnames (please tell me if you're not bc I kinda automatically use them but I won't if you're not comfy <3)
i'm (basically) 16 (my birthday's tmrw i think I can round it up now lol) and i'm an absolute raging lesbian and i always have far too many crushes for my own good.
i LOVE music and i will actually adore you forever if you give me music recommendations (I'll tell you my honest opinion tho so don't give recs if you're gonna be offended when i don't like it) I tend to listen to pop but I'm open to suggestions :)
if you're an artist and you want to be friends PLEASE tell me because I love having artist friends. bare in mind I'll barely ever post my art (bc i tend to be way too critical with myself) but i will support your art as much as i possibly can <3
the same goes for writing please if you need a friend I'll be as supportive as i can and I can also read through and give advice if you want (I'm surprisingly good at editing lol) (i probably will post my writing bc I'm absolutely shameless when it comes to how shitty my writing is and I literally couldn't care less)
this was meant to be an aesthetic intro post but ig im just not a very aesthetic person lmao (I also make a lot of typos sorry ahaha)
i have a tendency to overshare on the internet have you noticed babes???
i literally cannot write something without telling a whole backstory WHY CAN'T I JUST BE FUCKING PRECISE FOR ONCE SND GET TO THE POINT 😭
basically: im lucy, they/she, very very gay, music = coping mechanism
ok bye i can't write a decent intro post for the life of me but oh welllll
#intro post#introductory post#i need friends#idk what im saying#hoping that tumblr will just do its magic and get me friends but i know that won't happen lol#writerscommunity#artists on tumblr#idk what do do for tags omg#guys why can't i write a good intro post omg#we love oversharing on the internet
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TW// mentions of alcoholism/suicide, just some c!tntduo angst
My memory of the lore is shet, and my writing is bad, so bear with me.
I've been thinking about like, c!quackity is thinking about wilbur again. Be it his disappearance, the way Tommy was icolating himself again, old memories or whatever. But thinking about him and wondering where he was. Logically, he'd ask the one person who would know, Tommy. He goes and visits Tommy, who had (I'm sure it was after wilburs leaving) grew an addiction to invisibility potions (a minecraft version of alcoholism kinda) and he knew something was wrong and in a way pressured Tommy to tell him what was up. So soon enough Tommy did, he told him everything, everything that happened that day at that stupid beach. He knew what Wilbur was planning on doing for a while, and even after wilbur tried to tell him it wasn't what he feared, he knew it was a lie. He knew he wasn't going to "utah." And then is when quackity finds out, wilbur never left the sever. He had killed himself, trying to pass it off as a trip to go back home after a long years Stay in that God forsaken smp. Quackity is taken by surprise, and he doesn't want to believe it. He didn't see the signs. He didn't think wilbur would do such a thing yet, he did. He did it before, so why wouldn't he do it again. He hadn't changed as a person, so why should he had expected anything different. Maybe the change of situation or how he never showed any signs of wanting it all to end so soon instead looking like he could go on tormenting quackity for the rest of time. But no, he was gone. Possibly, by drowning, be it he went out at sea to do it. Quackity looks back on every moment they had together, the way he got slightly attached and expected him to show up every once in a while to fuck around with his day. He'd be caught dead before admitting to anyone he'd missed the damn zombie. But he did, and he didn't understand why it left such a heavy feeling in his chest that for a while made it hard to get up from his chair he spent most of his days in doing presidental work. But now, knowing what had Truely happened, it felt like a straight shot through his heart. He told himself he didn't have any attachments to anyone, especially the unpredictable asshole who spent almost every day trying to get into his country, but he did, he'd spent years with that man, even when he was gone his ghost was still there making it so he never was truly gone. But now he was. Days went by, ghostbur never showed up, the vines in the once great lmanburg grew and grew, his burger van was left there to rot. It felt weird, unnatural, and wrong. Quackity wished e every day that that man would disappear off the face of the earth, but now that he did, it was empty, like a missing peice in a puzzle. A puzzle that was already losing pieces left and right.
Idk I've just been looking at tntduo fanart and thinking about how, for most of them, that aren't AUs or different timelines. What happened in those pictures was just before wilbur's suicide. His final one, where he wasn't ever going to come back. No ghost, no essence besides the forgotten remains of his greatest achievement that started everything, no more wilbur soot on the dream smp. A hell on earth...
I need to sleep it's 5 minutes away from being 3 am rn.
#cwilbur#cquackity#tntduo#ctntduo#dsmp#dreamsmp#angst#no comfort#sucks to suck man#tntduo angst#i need sleep#rant post#i think#im tired#i love tntduo#wilbur soot#quackity#dsmp quackity#dsmp wilbur#dsmp tntduo#no happiness#L#tommy#tommy mentioned#ctommy
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Life Update:
TW: Life hasn't been the kindest to me these past 4 years, I'm at a point where I've lost all faith in humanity and my future. I feel selfish in the sense that there are people experiencing worse than me and yet here I am loathing my own life. Growing up I was always told "you have no right to feel like that because others have it worse than you" as if my own pain makes me selfish, does it? I feel like I'm drowning, I haven't seen my friends in months, my health is deteriorating, and overall I'm on the verge of allowing myself to be consumed. I can't even put into words exactly what it is that I'm feeling, all I do know is that I hate everything about myself and every fucking aspect of my life. I'm tired of mourning who I used to be or who I could've been, drowning my sorrow out with substances, leaving my body scarred... I just want to give up on anything I have left, I've already given up on my dreams and school, soon I'll give up trying to make a living in general. I genuinely want to disappear, just save every dime I can and fall off the face of the earth, go off grid, I have nothing keeping me here. To anyone wanting to come to Los Angeles with this false sense of hope or ideology that its "amazing and full of opportunities" or "I'm gonna make it big", as someone who was born and raised here I promise you'll only be disappointed. This city is full of leeches and parasites willing to use you and suck you dry if it means they can benefit from your downfall. Don't believe me? Then good luck, I've seen many people hit rock bottom and end up on the streets because they refuse to admit failure and go back home with a fragment of what's left of their dignity. I hate it here, I hate everything, genuinely, I fucking hate everything. I don't think I was supposed to survive as long as I have, I keep having life threatening health issues pop up it's like the universe is telling me "your time to go is now". I never feared death in the past but recently I've developed a sense of love and longing again and that's made me fear it more than ever before. The "What If" of it all, either way It's not enough to make me stay. For so many years I stood silently singing: "I'm here, waiting for you 風に吹かれ 一人迷っても, I'm here, waiting for you 風に吹かれ 一人迷っても" the time has come to let the wind carry me home <3
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Hello/salut people of the internet!
(Apologies for how freakin long this post is 😭)
!! Fics cross-posted on ao3 under leonora_kin!!
Ahem, so, i disappeared off the face of the earth for two an a half years? Ish? Anyways i’m back now. So, here’s my re-introduction post for anyone who’s still here somehow, or for anyone new!
So, to the basics…Hi! I’m buggy, though you can call me pretty much anything you want, i don’t really care. This blog will be used for whatever shit posting i happen to partake in, but also other, more interesting, things! Moving on…I mostly use they/she pronouns, but once again, i dont really care. I’m super fucking gay and i like to draw. I’m also the most inconsistent person ever, so never trust if i say ill finish anything. Ever.
Anyways… I refuse to give details like where i live/ my age (this is the internet, ya’ll) but i will say that i speak english & french, i’m autistic and I’m studying biology and english. (How are those two related, you may ask? great question, no idea lmao)
Alr, now onto the fun stuff…
I write! (And draw) Lmao, inconsistently asf, but, yk… i both do it as a fun past time/hobby and as a personal outlet, in my very sparse free time, but if you have any reqs for or something, here’s my « rules » :
1. My content will be sapphic/queer- centric things.
2. I’ll write smut, (lemon),fluff, angst, xreader, x oc,etc etc. (I’ll only do smut for wlw/wlnb-g!p is fine though)
3. More on the topic of that, yes, i will indulge in some kinky shit- UNLESS!! Unless, it’s something i personally deem… either morally questionable or if it makes me uncomfortable (ex. Student/teacher or anything underaged, non-con, etc.) but you can always ask- i just wont write it if im uncomfy
4. I will also write for pretty much anyone! Just ask- as long as i’ve heard of the character i’ll try to do it (a few characters/ ships i enjoy writing for: any of Gwendoline christie’s characters, any of Charlize theron’s characters, any of Sarah paulson’s characters, emily prentiss (cm), willow (btvs), supercorp, villaneve (love them), avalance and loads more but ill stop now lol)
5. The last thing- i will also post random original stories at whim, so you’ve been warned if your randomly met with very… strange or random posts from me.
Alr- i think that’s about it! This’ll probably get updated over time but Thanks for being here! :)
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𝙁𝘽𝙍𝙊 ; 𝗯𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘀 [𝟳/𝟭𝟭]
summary┃bucky’s past comes back with a vengeance and you’re determined to get the answers you’ve been searching for.
pairing┃roommate!bucky x f!reader
word count┃2,682 words
warnings┃bucky’s past is revealed, character mentions; [sam wilson, natasha romanoff, tony stark], pet name [kid (platonic), sweets & baby], threats made against bucky + reader, trust-issues, mention of hit-men, brief mention of death, phone sex, praise kink, masturbation, mention of toys, slight angst, soft ending — 18+ ONLY • MINORS DNI
notes┃there is A LOT of plot here but also some filthy goodness and a sprinkle of angst <<3
SERIES MASTERLIST
Ex-wife.
Bucky’s words echoed in your ears as he didn’t dare to look at you.
His ex-wife was threatening you.
And he didn’t think to mention her? Ever?
“Can I please explain?” Bucky croaked finally, voice sounding broken as you shrugged your shoulders — in a state of shock.
That was all he needed before he recounted his previous relationship with the woman who was now sending you threatening emails.
Married young, too young and too fast and it ended up blowing up in their faces.
Well, clearly she hadn’t gotten over it.
“I thought I lost her,” he explains. “I thought that moving halfway across the country would be enough.”
You finally looked up to meet his eyes, glossy, sad and terrified as you sniffled.
“There’s a reason only Tasha calls me James.”
It broke your heart hearing that, the way his head hung low and he nearly winced at the sound of his own goddamn name.
But you didn’t know who to trust anymore.
Bucky always glossed over how he, Sam, and Nat knew each other — telling you that they were old friends that go back.
How far back?
You needed to know, but clearly you weren’t about to get answers from him.
“Buck,” he stopped you, taking a step closer as his eyes begged and pleaded you not to finish your sentence.
“I can’t,” he shook his head, “I need some time.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to say those words that would shatter both of your world’s. But you had no idea what the hell you had gotten yourself into and you needed answers.
And you knew exactly who to go to for them.
“I understand,” Bucky sighed. “I’ll stay at Sam’s for some time, okay?”
You could only nod your head, watching him walk past you and into his door.
Then he shut it, something he never did because his door was always open for you. No matter what you needed and no matter what time of day it was.
It felt...wrong.
But you couldn’t dwell on it, grabbing your keys, phone, and whatever other important things you could think of being you nearly bolted out of the front door.
You plugged your headphones into your phone, hitting shuffle and descending down into the subway.
The entire ride made you anxious, slowly approaching your stop and you were way out of place in this crowd.
People rushed by you in expensive suits and what you could only guess were the infamous red-soled shoes that were worth close to your monthly rent, if not more.
You cringed, thinking of the man you were about to see in his stupidly tall office building that you had to crane your neck at an uncomfortable angle just to get a look at.
The elevator could not have taken longer, tapping your foot impatiently as you rode up to what felt like the heavens before the doors opened to revel smooth wooden doors that reach from the ceiling to the floor.
You were so close, before you were stopped.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, you can’t be here right now.” A man’s voice stopped you, dressed in a security guard uniform and oh, this was so him.
“I know him,” you said, intent on seeing the man probably sitting behind those large doors.
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you do th—”
“It’s okay, Marv. I know her,” his voice came not from behind the doors, but from the long hallway to your left.
The security guard, Marv, nodded his head as he looked at you once more before retreating back to where he was leaning against one of the walls.
“This is a surprise,” you rolled your eyes, “Tony, please. I don’t wanna hear it.”
He walked over to you, embracing you in a hug, “oh c’mon, I’ve missed you, Kid.”
You shook your head, “I haven’t been a kid in years,” you tried to remind him, but it was Tony, he wasn’t going to listen as he just laughed it off and welcomed you into his office.
It was much different from last time, all new furniture and appliances, but nothing lasted more than a year with Tony.
Tony was an old friend, sort of.
He was an old friend of your father’s, something like an uncle, but also like your older brother.
So just one giant pain in your ass.
“So,” Tony sighed. “What trouble did you get into this time, Kid?”
You told Tony everything.
From being roommates with Bucky to the way he asked you to be his fake girlfriend to Sam’s wedding and all the way to the situation you were in now. Confronted by his ex-wife without any idea of what she was going to do.
Tony had that look on his face. The one where he was going to tell you that you were crazy.
“I don’t know how you manage to get yourself into these situations,” he chuckled, hand clamping over your shoulder as he walked around his desk and typed something into his computer.
“Last name is,” he looked at you. “Barnes.”
He nodded his head, typing away at his computer again before he stopped.
There was a brief moment of silence, Tony hiding behind the computer screen before he stood up and walked back around the desk, “I’m gonna need some time.”
You understood, shaking your head. You were asking Tony to hack into any known database and collect as much data on Bucky as you could. It was wrong, but you just needed to know who you were dealing with.
“Thank you, Tony. I-I really appreciate it.” You weren’t good when it came to...well, the heartfelt side of things but luckily neither was Tony.
“Don’t get sappy on me now, Kid. You know it makes me sick,” he joked playfully, smile on his lips as you stood up to give him a half hug.
“I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.” He promised before you walked out of the too-tall building with far more questions than you came with.
It was a waiting game that you didn’t want to play, but you didn’t have a choice.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
It seemed like your relationship with Bucky was doomed from the start.
Friends to lovers rarely, if ever, works out in anyone’s favour.
The fake dating trope you could handle, pushing your feelings aside to help Bucky win a bet didn’t seem like the worst thing in the world. You had a great time, great fucking sex, and a trip out of it.
Then Steve wouldn’t leave the picture. Going as far as coming to the wedding as Natasha’s boyfriend to spite you not realizing that you and Bucky had gotten married.
Married.
You and Bucky were married. Bonded in a whole other way and now, his ex-wife was out for you and him.
Maybe this was a sign from the universe, a big red fucking flag telling you that it wasn’t worth it and yet...you couldn’t let go.
The apartment felt empty without Bucky, his bedroom left the way it was in the morning with your favourite sweater of his laid out on the covers and a little post-it note on top of it.
You never could really decipher Bucky’s handwriting. It was absolute chicken scratch as you picked it up and managed to make out in case you get cold scribbled onto it.
It was an easy decision to pull it over your head and drown yourself in the scent of Bucky’s cologne as you fiddled with the small gold band you now wore around your neck as a necklace.
You didn’t want anyone other than Bucky. There was no in the world who understood you better. Who knew how to make you laugh when you were having a bad day.
Everything led you right back to Bucky.
So when your phone rang from the other side of the couch, you were secretly hoping it was Bucky.
Instead, Tony’s name flashed and your heart sank into your stomach as you quickly hit answer and held the phone up to your ear.
“You’re not gonna like this, Kid.” Tony’s voice flowed through the speakers as you took a shaky breath in and braced yourself for what Tony was about to tell you.
“He did a damn good job at erasing his history, but you can’t erase all of it,” Tony chuckled as you rolled your eyes, “quit stalling.”
He sighed, “the Howling Commandos was an organization tasked with,” he paused, “tasked with collecting intel and making sure that information never got released to the public.”
This time, it was your turn to fall silent.
“Like, spies?” You asked and Tony hummed, “sort of.”
“They had spies, agents, hit-men.”
No. You shook your head, no.
“James Buchanan Barnes was their highest ranking hit-man. Him, along with Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanova worked as a team. A spy, agent, hit-man trio.”
You had to shake yourself out of spiralling, what you needed was everything Tony could possible tell you.
“Anything on his ex-wife?” You then asked and heard shuffling on the other line, “not much. Mary Barnes, but I doubt that’s her real name, was part of a training initiative the Howling Commandos were testing.”
You bit your lip, at least you had a name, even if it wasn’t her real name.
“By that point it looks like James—”
“Bucky. His name is Bucky.”
Tony cleared his throat after a moment’s silence, “Bucky looks like he had disappeared. Blipped off of the face of the Earth. There’s nothing in his file after 2014.”
That makes sense. Bucky was perhaps the most old-fashioned man you knew, only upgrading from his flip-phone just a few years ago. He barely knew how to unlock it, though.
“Sam and Natasha went on to live normal lives, Kid. I’m sure that’s all Bucky wants.” Tony tries to assure you and you laugh, “you sound like my dad.”
He laughed on the other line, “oh gross.”
“Thanks for everything, Tony.” You said, “you know what number to call in case you’re in trouble.”
With that, you both hung up, tossing your phone away from you to digest everything you’d just been told. You knew you had to talk to Bucky, but you didn’t know when.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“So you’re tellin’ me,” Sam was confused. “That this is the same Mary that tried to get you killed?”
Bucky rolled his eyes, taking another swing of his beer as he rounded Sam’s kitchen island.
“That’s the one, you know, the undercover agent working for Strucker.” Bucky scowled at the name.
He was angry, beyond angry at the fact that his past was creeping up on him despite how far he had gone to erase it.
“But why now? Why come after you now?” Sam poses the question that even Bucky doesn’t have an answer to. So he just shrugs his shoulders and finishes off his beer.
“Unfinished business.”
They stand in silence for a little while longer, listening to the old ticking clock hanging on the wall before Sam takes a step towards Bucky.
“Whatever you need, you know that Tasha and I are here for you, right?” He whispers and Bucky feels the warmth blooming in his chest as he gives him a half-smile.
“Yeah,” he nods his head, “thanks, man.”
Sam knows that Bucky was never really good at the sappy shit, so he doesn’t force it. Instead, he offers him another beer, bottle necks clinking as Bucky’s thoughts race.
He was worried.
Not about himself, but about you.
And you were worried about Bucky, curling up in his bed as you sighed and tossed and turned. There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep alone tonight. And hugging his pillow just wasn’t enough.
So you grabbed your phone, hitting his name and waiting for the ringing to sound before he picked up — tired and groggy.
“We need to talk.” You didn’t give him a chance to greet you. He sighed on the other line, but hummed in agreement, “tomorrow?”
You hummed in response to his question, the sound of his voice soothing as you played with the sheets of his bed.
“I miss you, Sweets.” Bucky whispered, your breathing hitching at how low and raspy his voice really was.
“I miss you too, Bucky.” You admitted, shifting as you got comfortable on the pile of pillows against your head.
There was a moment of silence before Bucky spoke again.
“You know what ‘m really missin’ right now?” His words sent a shiver down your spine as you shakily inhaled, “what?”
Bucky sighed, reminiscent of how he sighs when he runs his hands all over your body.
“I miss that sweet cunt of yours.” Bucky purrs, you know he’s smirking, possibly even dragging his tongue across his bottom lip as he closes his eyes to imagine you under him.
You’re at a loss for words, feeling your panties grow damp, core aching and you’re going to have to touch yourself soon. But that’s all part of Bucky’s plan, you think.
“Here I am, all alone, with my hand wrapped ‘round my cock,” he whispers, but you can hear him stroking himself.
“And all I can think ‘bout is that way your tight little pussy grips me and milks my fuckin’ dick, baby.” Bucky was always so good with his words, knowing exactly what to say to make you melt.
And it was working, because you were a squirming mess in his bed.
“Well,” you could tell he was smirking by his tone, “what’re ya waitin’ for, Sweets. Go on, touch yourself. I wanna hear you work your clit.”
Your hand flew under your panties, being given the permission only made it sweeter as your fingers came in contact with your soaking folds. The sensitive bundle of nerves needed desperate attention as you slowly circled it.
“Good girl, that’s my girl.” Bucky praised, continuing to work himself.
“God,” he hissed, “can’t wait to have you all to myself again. Bury myself deep, maybe even have you sit on my cock as you beg me to do somethin’.”
You worked yourself a little faster, applying some more pressure as you let out a whine at his words.
“Add two fingers, Sweets. I know how much you love bein’ stretched,” Bucky chuckled deeply, “been thinkin’ of gettin’ you a mould of my fuckin’ dick for when ‘m not home.”
Oh my God. Oh my God that shouldn’t be so fucking hot so why does it make your walls flutter and breathing uneven as you have to stop yourself from actually fucking cumming.
He chuckles again, “yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
You can’t verbally respond, too focused on the tight coil in your abdomen that’s ready to snap.
“I know you’re close, can hear it in how fuckin’ desperate you sound,” he pants, “so why don’t you make a mess all over my clean sheets.”
You gasp, how did he know, but you don’t get to dwell on it for much longer than a moment because your orgasm rips through you and leaves you panting Bucky’s name.
Both of your breaths are uneven and ragged through the phone’s speakers, bed springs creaking on Bucky’s side as he hums.
“If only you could see the miss I made for you, Sweets,” you shuddered at his words, closing your eyes to relish in the moment.
“Now get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” His tone has changed, entirely sweet and caring as you grab the phone to bring him closer to you.
“Okay,” you reply, another lick of silence before you hear Bucky going to end the call but you stop him.
“I love you, Bucky.” You quickly blubber out and it feels good to finally say those words because there’s no more denying how you really feel about him.
“I love you too, Sweets.”
It’s a bittersweet ending to the phone call, thoughts and emotions running wild as you’re forced to remind yourself that Bucky has a lot of explaining to do.
#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x reader smut#bucky barnes headcanon#bucky barnes headcanons#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes oneshots#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes au#roommate!bucky#bucky barnes series
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Fucking hate you, love to fuck you
Hate sex
Oikawa x fem!reader
"fuck you!" "Is that a promise?"
4k
reader was the captain and ace of the girls team, reader goes to Aoba Josai, reader is also Kag's cousin
Degradation, Slight Feminization Kink, Praise Kink, Fluffy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I'm not very good at writing smut, I also got tired while writing so its short... sorry, Sir Kink: but very minor, no beta we die like men
-cross posted on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31932412
MINORS DNI
Summary:
You hadn't registered that you'd slapped him until he look at you holding his red cheek with his large hand.
And you certainly hadn't registered that he had his tongue down your throat not a moment later. An honest to god moan leaving your lips which he smugly ate up.
___
Degration as well as any kink should have the full consent of all parties involved every time!!
I'm not very good at e2l so be gentle 🤩
I'm such a simp lmao
Oikawa could never figure out why you hated him when you both entered your first year of high school. Having come from a different middle school than you, he figured you'd be like the rest of the people in your grade level and fall all over him.
He wanted to ask why you had such a large stick up your ass during your first group project but chickened out. He assumed you'd at least get along as you were captain of the girls volleyball team and known for your powerful spikes. The setter in him really wanted to find out your perfect toss.
But it wasn't until your 3rd year when he came to despise you too.
He'd overheard you telling your best friend that your cousin made it onto his high schools volleyball team. Being the nosey Nelly that he is, he made the mistake of asking which school your cousin attended.
"Karasuno," you said, your chest puffed out.
It clicked: the black hair, intense expression, the last name even. He could practically see his protégé in the reflection of your eyes. He mentally slapped himself for not seeing it sooner.
His eyes narrowed, matching yours as tension of your silent beat down had to be cut by Iwazumi.
_____
You set down your suitcase, giving your aunt a big hug as she greeted you in the doorway. You give Tobio a fist bump as he helps you carry your things into the spare bedroom.
Your aunt had graciously allowed you to stay with her so you could be closer to school for your final year.
"I can't believe you're dropping volleyball club just as I'm about to join," Tobio whined, setting a suitcase on a chair in the corner of the room.
"I know," you said sullenly. You hadn't wanted to, but being captain and a 3rd year just wasn't going to be practical. Not being the best student, you thought it would be a wise decision.
Having always been close your your cousin on your dad's side came with its perks, including but not limited to drama. Ever since Tobio had joined volleyball in middle school he'd talked about Oikawa, usually brushing off some of the down right nasty things he'd said. But you hadn't. You took it upon yourself to help him train harder and harder to be able to defeat his bully when he'd found out he couldn't attend Aoba Josai with you.
Being an ace had its advantages when teaching Tobio about different techniques on how to set up a spiker best. Often gossiping about the smug bastard as you worked.
Of course, there was no escaping the pretty boy at school either. When your best friend, Ryu, had started dating his best friend Iwaizumi, being the 3rd and 4th wheel at hangouts became increasingly awkward.
And even worse when she mentioned your current math grade. Damn that ginger setter. And Mr. Perfect boasting about his grades to you. Which had lead you to your current situation.
Sitting in his bedroom.
Listening to him drawl on and on with rapidly decreasing interest.
While he looked hot as fuck.
What?!
With new found annoyance you scoffed at him snapping his fingers in your face.
"earth to y/n, I know I'm ravishing, but now it's math time." He said, a smirk decorating his lips.
“I ignored you on purpose, dumbass. Don't you get that I hate you?"
"I'm not asking you to stay, besides this has nothing to do with me?? Its calculus..."
"narcissist," you mumbled under your breath.
"must be your type," he shot back, "gawking at me for the last hour."
"aren't you dating whats-her-face from English?" You retorted, feeling your face heat up.
"yeah??" he said, confused.
You mocked his confusion, ""yeah" God, then stop flirting with me."
He scoffed, an eyebrow disappearing into bangs, "you must be a narcissist if you think I'm flirting with you because wow, it almost like I can't stand the sight of you, y/n," he rolled his eyes in disgust, sitting up in his chair indignantly.
You push him back into his chair, turning on your heels, saying nothing more.
"good!! I was going to kick you out anyway!"
____
You notice his current girlfriend wasn't hanging out with him at lunch nor sitting in his lap during English. In fact. He hadn't found new arm candy by the time your next session rolled around the following week.
___
After begrudgingly agreeing to do another tutoring session and making him promise no funny business, that rule was broken when he had his sleeves rolled up of his blue silk shirt, he glasses laying forgotten on the table, fingers rubbing his tired eyes as he tried to explain a difficult problem to you.
How could Tooru Oikawa be so fucking sexy and such a fucking dick at the same time?
Asking myself this a lot while writing
"fuck you, Oikawa! I don't need your bullshit!"
"fine! Fucking go then!" Giving you a light shove towards the door.
You hadn't registered that you'd slapped him until he look at you holding his red cheek with his large hand.
And you certainly hadn't registered that he had his tongue down your throat not a moment later. An honest to god moan leaving your lips which he smugly ate up.
You shoved him against his bed, your own smugness drinking up his moan.
You pulled your tank top off as you climbed on top of him. "You have condoms?" You asked, cringing at your breathless voice.
He flipped your position, hot breath fanning your ear, "don't you want to be filled with my cum, baby?"
Rolling your eyes, you flipped the position again, "the last thing the world needs is more of you running around."
He considered it before saying with a shrug "top drawer."
Leaning over, your legs still gripping his hips, you pulled out a condom wrapper and tossed it at his face. His nose scrunching cutely.
"pull some weight, lazykawa," you said, yanking his pants and underwear to his ankles. He was already fully hard and you took great satisfaction in wordlessly teasing him.
Trying to ignore you, a blush creeping up around his ears as he hurriedly rolling the condom onto his thick length, as you remove your bra. He flips your position once more, hovering over you, a taunting smirk plastered over his lips.
"can't go 10 minutes without getting your greedy pussy fucked?"
"Can't that mouth do anything besides half-assed insults, Shittykawa?" You mocked, he raised a cheeky eye brow at you.
He lowered his face to you heat, "want to find out?" You grip his hair harshly and shove his face between your thighs.
He rips off you panties and eagerly laps around your cunt before catching himself, slowing his ministrations.
He gripped your thighs as he buried his face in your heat. Alternating between sucking in your clit and finger fucking you, never letting you get both at the same time.
You bit your tongue, doing your best to avoid begging for more - a futile endeavor.
"C'mon babygirl, I know you want it," he sing-songed
You swallowed your pride, "please Tooru."
"sorry couldn't hear you, your legs were busy clamping around my ears.
Your legs shook in frustration and pleasure as he lazily drummed his finger on your sweet spot.
He leaned overtop of you, sucking harshly in your neck as his other hand massages your ass.
"please, Tooru! Please sir!"
"oo~" he remarks, returning between your legs, 3 fingers entering you suddenly as he nibbled along your thigh, quickly returning to sucking on your clit.
You come hard and without warning.
"delicious," he remarks, sitting up and licking his fingers clean, "and so many lewd noises too."
"You have a knack for bringing out the worst in people," you attempt to sound threatening but only succeeding in boosting his ego.
"Oh no~ I hate to find out what the best would be..." He unbuttons his blue silk shirt, allowing you to drink up the full show of his abs. "Not talking so big now, eh, Kageyama?"
You scowl at him before grunting a "just fuck me already".
"don't mind if I do."
You connected your lips with his, enjoying the noises he made as his neglected cock became engulfed in your warmth.
Neither of you lasted long.
He emptied himself into the rubber with a sexy grunt lining up with your moan.
After care he collapsed on top of you, his deep breaths matching yours.
Your hands still resting on his back, feeling scratches from your nails decorating his skin.
He had pressed his forehead to yours, you looked up to meet his eyes which were flitting between the purple marks on your neck and your eyes.
He hadn't held your gaze for more than a second when the realization of what just happened hit both of you at once. Pushing your bodies apart, you shamefully picked up your clothes from the floor leaving the room quickly.
____
It had been weeks since that day. You hadn't gone back for another tutoring session, claiming to Ryu that your grades had improved.
The free time had allowed you to be a better supporter for your cousin, getting a chance to meet his teammates and his friends.
You meet Karasuno's Ryu and think to yourself how well he and your Ryu would get along
While hanging out with your cousin at the spring tournament, you were enjoying a lunch break with a vibrant ginger, his best friend Hinata and a mutual friend with spiky hair. Bokuto, you had learned, was in your year and had a ton in common with you.
Maybe you'd gotten carried away returning his flirty looks and laughing a little too hard at his jokes. He remarked often how different your personality was from your cousin. After exchanging numbers to practice volleyball sometime (him being excited to practice with another captain/ace) an unfortunately familiar voice pulled you away from your fun.
"y/n?"
"what?" You roll your eyes, at Oikawa. You knew he had been watch you and the rest of Karasuno after they had win their first game. Beside you, you can feel the 3 boys, especially Tobio fuming.
"I have a question about the math assignment."
"I'm busy."
"too bad."
Recognizing that he wasn't going to go away until you give in, you stand up, brushing the dust from your bottoms. He leads the way out of sight from your new friends.
He harshly pushes you against the wall, "what do you think you're doing princess?"
You flip your position, he winced as his back connects with the concrete wall. "You ask you the same thing, princess."
His hand instinctively wrapped around your muscular arm submissively.
"you like that don't you?" You asked.
He nervously glanced around him for on lookers. Luckily he'd chosen a pretty secluded spot
"wouldn't want your fan girls to see you being treated like the pretty white you are?" You smirked.
He nodded shyly.
You grabbed his ass, earning a submissive squeak from him.
"such a good princess, getting his flat ass groped," you smile, you see him swallow a moan as his eyes flutter shut.
You begin painfully slowly palming him through his shorts, feeling him grow under you.
"I hope you lose," you whisper sensually into his ear.
He scowls at you as you pull away completely. Leaving him hard, exposed, and blushing as you return to your new friends.
______
The cheers from Karasuno's supporters hadn't quieted down as the team packed up. Still high on adrenaline and pride for your baby cousin, you took the time to use the bathroom before the long drive home.
Rounding the corner you heard voices, recognizing one to be Oikawa and the other belonging to a deep voiced man.
Sneaking a peak your eyes go wide. He was face to face with Ushiwaka. The former not fairing well in the conversation. You didn't think a man could look for upset than the way Oikawa looked right now.
As the conversation comes to a close, you wait until Oikawa has gone out if sight to chase after him. Accidentally running into Ushiwaka.
"sorry" you mumble, attempting to move past.
"you're with karasuno, yes?" Ushiwaka asks.
Your mind didn't really register him, instead giving him a quick pat on the shoulder and a "that's great, buddy," as you run after the brunette.
Hearing an "I look forward to playing them." In the distance.
"Hey!"
He was too far ahead to really hear you, pushing past the front doors.
"HEY!" You yell, nearly at his heels. You stand in the doorway breathing hard, "TOORU!"
He turns to face you, Iwaizumi annoyed that he can't convince their captain to just get on the bus already.
You beckon him over and he skeptically approaches you.
"here to gloat?" He asks, his voice lacking the usual sharpness.
"Tobio is staying at Hinata's tonight and my aunt is out is town for the next two days," you say.
You see the cogs working as he pieces together what you're offering. His mouth forming an 'o' shape as he realizes.
You smile smugly before running back to where Karasuno's bus is parked, giving Tobio a running jump hug, which he awkwardly returned.
__
If nothing else, Oikawa was punctual. Arriving at exactly at 7:30. You hadn't done anything special, just heated up 2 frozen pizzas that your aunt had left. Watching his form as he quietly ate his 3 cheese. He hadn't said a word besides "thank you" after you'd served him. While yes, apart of you meant when you'd said that you hoped he lose but the guilt of seeing the cocky bastard looking so small on the other side of the table, nibbling on the crust. Pity maybe?
"You played really we-"
His eyes were red, his pride keeping him from crying in front of you. "I don't want to talk about it."
"You want to have sex?"
he hesitated before asking, "can we be nice?"
You nodded. Making your way to his chair, straddling his hips and cupping his face. You kissed him slow and deliberate. You don't kiss long before you start to feel his dick springing to life. You stand up pulling him, walking backwards, towards your room accidentally walking into the partially open door.
"Graceful," he commented, a hint of his salty tone under his words as he resumed kissing you.
You grinded against each other for a few moments, drinking in each others moans. You pulled away momentarily, his cheeks dusted pink, breathing heavy, his dick straining in his pants.
"You're so beautiful," you said. He blushed harder, his cock twitching in it's confines. Your fingers dip under the waistband of his pants and pull them down, licking your lips when his cock hits his stomach. You're about to press your lips to his tip when you feel pressure on your forehead.
"y-you don't have to..." he says. You cock your head to one side, your lips parted as you gaze up at him. "I-I get it you know... I don't hold it against you..."
"I want to," you say, "if you want me to."
He nods slowly, his eyes fluttering shut as he enters your warm mouth.
Out of all the sex you'd had, this moment with Tooru didn't feel like sex. It felt like making love.
After he got close, you popped your mouth off and had ridden him. His muscles still sore from his games. Your lips danced with his as his hips met yours. Both of you reaching your climax simultaneously.
Tired in the best way, you cuddle up to his bare chest, kissing his cheek, "don't think this means I like you, flatass."
"of course," he says, relaxing into your touch.
"good."
"it was the fact that my dick was down your throat that made be think that."
You punch him in the ribs, earning an 'ouch' followed by a quiet, "let me have one win today." Followed by an even quieter "sorry" from you.
You place a gentle kiss on his cheek again before returning to your snuggle position. He wraps his arms around your waist as you both drift off to sleep.
______
It's been a number of days and neither if you had spoken about it. You wanted to text him a simple 'good morning' but the image of him quietly shuffling out of your room at the crack of dawn when he thought you were still sleeping, placing a gentle kiss on your temple. You didn't want to seem too eager or somehow let on that not only were you awake but had enjoyed when he'd done it.
After the girls had lost to Fukurodani's girls in the semi finals, Ryu had insisted on dragging you out to play volleyball with her and some 'friends'. You secretly hope it's the other girls from your team. You find yourself not disappointed that it's Iwaizumi and Oikawa.
"Warm up 'Yama!" Oikawa yells at you, serving the ball in your direction as you and Ryu approach.
Caught off guard for a moment, you return the ball back at him, hitting his face lightly with an oof.
Of course, Ryu wanted to set for her boyfriend, leaving you with Oikawa.
You made a pretty good team, he picked up your style quickly, the ball exactly where you wanted it without having to tell him anything. Not to mention that Oikawa had racked up a third of the points on service aces alone, Iwaizumi finally adjusting to being on the receiving end on them. He and Ryu had made a magnificent comeback, clearly having practiced with each other before. You were lucky if you could get a piece of one of Iwa's spikes, Tooru faired better but they quickly took the lead. You grab Oikawa's arm, causing him to look at you curiously.
"set it to me, but I'll set it back. You spike it," you said, finishing your sentence by looking at him.
He considers it.
"break it up love birds!" Iwa shouted at you. Ryu making obnoxious kissing noises behind him. You quickly let go of his arm to flip her off, causing her to burst out laughing.
Iwa serves.
"it's mine!" Tooru yells. Mid jump, he faces you, the subtlest of winks as the ball flies into the air.
Smiling, you angle your body for a spike, Ryu taking the bait, but at the last moment, your hand sent the ball perpendicular to the net, straight into Oikawa's hand. The ball whizzing past Iwa's ear.
The adrenaline getting the better of you as you both embrace, celebrating a successful kill.
You revel in you best friend and her stoic boyfriend exchanging a bewildered look.
At the end of the game Oikawa offers to drive you home, when out of the way of prying eyes, he leans against his car. "Before your cousin goes to nationals, he and shorty should play against us."
"Yeah and maybe Tobio can set for me one round," you say, playing with the hem of his shirt, "but if there's any funny business from you, I'm calling it off."
"Who, me??" he jokes, aware of his history with your family.
You don't respond, opting to gently press your lips to his. He returns the kiss, cupping your face.
________________
Did I write myself into the story? ┐( ∵ )┌ Maybe a little...
I'm also not opposed to doing a part two, so lemme know in the comments ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
Also not me writing my first Haikyuu fic be Oikawa when I wanna break his knees 🥴🤚 (couldn't resist tho he's been on my mind, especially with glasses 🥵🤒)
Also also not me writing this from 1:30 am to 8am then had half my work deleted so I had to redo it the following night 🤪👈
#reader x oikawa#oikawa smut#haikyuu smut#oikawa tooru#haikyuu iwaizumi#degration#oikawa hate sex#no beta we die like men#oikawa is hot and its not fair#im bad at tags#just smug oikawa things#hate sex#anime smut#heterosexuality is a myth#which is why all characters are at least bi
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fitting in
bucky x reader
summary: an unfortunate series of events or Bucky Barnes tries to fit in at the compound
warnings: some talk of sex, fluff, curse words, awkwardness
word count: 1,828
To say Bucky’s glad to have Steve would be an understatement. He’s delighted and overjoyed to have a best friend, a brother who never gave up on him, who saved him, who brought Bucky to the compound, a place he calls home and introduced him to his teammates, the people Steve wholeheartedly loves. Steve’s family in a way. Bucky’s happy for Steve, he really is, but sometimes he feels jealous, and sometimes, he cannot help, but wonder how would it feel like to fit in, to have the same friendships Steve has with the others. He’s drinking his morning coffee when y/n comes into the kitchen at 6:03am. She rubs her sleep painted face, and he smiles, offering to make her a cup. Grateful, she sits down, watching him try and figure out the espresso machine. He, himself, never uses it, preferring to make coffee the 1940s way, with a kettle and coffee grounds, but he remembers y/n making a disgruntled face every time Steve hands her an old-fashioned cup of coffee, and so even though he doesn’t understand how the machine works, he’s modern enough to know that pressing the ‘black coffee’ button will make her a cup she’ll actually like. He doesn’t say anything when she pours, what seems like, half a bottle of creamer, either, even if he doesn’t understand it. She smiles after taking a sip, and it brightens Bucky’s heart. Ironically, he’s always more careful around y/n, because she’s the nicest, and she made him feel welcome from day one. Bucky doesn’t want to lose her trust. He smiles to himself when she pats a chair, inviting him to sit right next to her, and he gladly accepts it, sitting down so close, their arms brush against each others. Neither speak up as they drink their coffee in comfortable silence, and watch as the rising sun paints the sky in warm orange and golden hues. He puts his mug down, studying her as she closes her eyes, relishing in the warmth coming through the window, and strangely, he feels more content than he did in the last 70 years. But then she suddenly opens her eyes, startling Bucky and he accidentally moves his arm, in turn knocking his cup down, and the boiling beverage spills down y/n’s old t-shirt. Wide-eyed, he start mumbling something along the lines of sorry and it was an accident, but she puts a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, and slightly smiles at him before disappearing from the kitchen. A sight makes its way past his lips and Bucky lets his head fall down, forehead hitting the hard marble.
Embarrassment washes over him again when he and Steve enter the gym for their 12pm training session, and he sees her. y/n’s standing in the boxing ring, having changed out of the t-shirt into a more sparring appropriate outfit of a workout bra and leggings. “Ready to get your asses kicked, boys?” She laughs, the sound of it coming teasing and sweet. Rolling his eyes, Steve puts a hand on Bucky’s shoulder when they walk up to the girl.
“I’m not fighting today, but I’m sure Bucky’s ready.” Bucky smiles timidly upon hearing Steve’s voice and straightens his shoulders. He nods his head, throwing his towel to the side, and chooses to climb up into the ring from the side instead of using the stairs. Bucky’s tall, so it’s easy, and y/n playfully rolls her eyes when they’re standing eye-to-eye.
“Show off.” y/n teases, but Bucky has no chance to reply, as she swings herself onto him just seconds later, wrapping her legs around his head, and throwing Bucky to the floor in a couple swift moves. They lock eyes for a bit, and y/n tilts her head, as if asking why he’s not moving, but Bucky quickly recollects himself, grabbing onto her ankle, and bringing her down onto the floor before she can attack him further. She swiftly gets up, Bucky following right after, and for a couple moments they just walk, both in fighting positions, and both ready to attack when the time will seem right to do so. She gets behind him, and when Bucky tries quickly turning around, he accidentally lifts his metal arm up, hitting y/n in the stomach so hard, she falls out of the ring and on the hard floor, groaning. Steve jumps up from his spot, running to check up on y/n, but thankfully, she’s uninjured, the only sign of the accident being an already forming bruise on her right shoulder. “It’s my fault, really.” She groans out, but Bucky does not seem to hear that. y/n leaves the gym shortly after that, and Bucky tells Steve about the coffee incident, stopping him before the blonde has any chances of making fun of the man.
It’s 3:12pm, when the shower in Bucky’s bathroom runs out of hot water and he’s walking up to Steve’s room. Usually, he’d knock before entering someone’s room, but it’s Steve’s, and Bucky knows Steve stayed behind for an extra cardio session. Shaking his head at the blonde’s passion for working out, he strips off his clothing, and enters the bathroom. It’s warm and a little foggy, almost as if someone was just showering, but Bucky’s not fazed, thinking it was probably Steve that came down to shower before his run, a towel still left close to the shower’s curtain. Neatly placing a clean outfit and a pair of boxers on the sink’s edge, he looks at himself in the mirror. If he thought spilling boiling coffee down his crush’s t-shirt or knocking her down was embarrassing, his ungodly thoughts seem downright shameful. A war happens inside his mind as he looks down at his hard-on, but Bucky needs this, he needs to let down some steam. Grasping the sink, Bucky palms his dick in his hand; he thinks back to her legs wrapped around him, and the way her ass, covered in lacy panties, peaked from under her shirt this morning. It’s only when an involuntary moan slips past his lips, does y/n fully understand how much trouble she’s in. Her shower had run out of hot water when she’s gotten back from the gym, so she went over to Steve’s without thinking much about it. Except now she’s soapy and wet, stuck in his shower, with only a curtain between her and Bucky, and she’s pretty sure those are moans that she’s hearing. Her mouth drops open when she realises she might be listening to Steve and Bucky having sex, and when the thought fully settles in her mind, she vows to herself to never use other people’s showers without asking. It’s both a relief and a nightmare, when a metal arm pushes the curtain open and a naked, mortified Bucky stares back at her. Her gaze drifts to his hard on for a moment, before she closes her eyes all together. Bucky tries his best to not let his eyes wonder around her body, but the image of her, seemingly perfect, curves already carved deep, deep into his brain. Closing the curtain, he hears the water start running again, before a hand reaches for a towel, and seconds later, y/n steps out, wrapped in the fluffy, white material. She tries smiling at him, but he’s still naked, as in the midst of shock he forgot to cover himself, and it’s awkward as hell, so y/n quickly scurries past Bucky, and out of Steve’s room completely. Looking down, Bucky sights. “How in the fucking hell are you still up?”
When the whole teams comes to the dining room for their usual 8pm dinner, Bucky’s too mortified and embarrassed to look y/n in the eyes. He can sense she also feels awkward, avoiding him as much as possible, setting the table up and bringing dish after dish from the kitchen. When she comes out with the final plate, the only open seat is next to Bucky, and even though she still feels weird, she reluctantly sits down, and even smiles at him slightly. Everyone’s plates are full, and people have started eating when Steve sparks a conversation.
“So, all the hot water in my room was gone when I got back.” He focuses on Bucky and y/n. “Either of you have something to say?” Shaking her head no, y/n continues eating her meal, playing innocent and smiles at their Captain. “What about you, Buck?” Sighting, he puts his fork down, and looks at his best friend.
“Alright, I took a shower in your room, because mine was broken.” He admits, hoping Steve will leave the topic alone, but strangely, he doesn’t.
“At least two people had to shower in my room to use up the hot water.” Bucky can only hope his face isn’t flaming red, but he can feel the heat rising up to his cheeks and spreading down his neck. Noticing Steve’s waiting for an answer, y/n turns to Tony.
“I can’t believe you’re a billionaire, but half of the showers at the compound are broken.”
“y/n, I also found your panties in my bathroom.” Choking on her bite, y/n takes a sip of her drink, before meeting Steve’s eyes. Everyone’s looking at y/n and Bucky, Tony’s amused face doing nothing, but fuelling y/n’s anger. “Did you and Bucky shower together?”
If Bucky could have just one wish, he’d wish for the Earth to swallow him whole in that very moment. “Steve, we were not showering.” Bucky blurts out, realising how insinuating it sounds only when half of the team’s jaws drop to the floor.
“Did you have sex instead?” Natasha asks, a teasing smile on her face.
“No!” They both blurt out at the same time, faces heated up in embarrassment. Bucky looks at y/n apologetically, and raises his eyes back to Steve.
“We didn’t-“ he starts “I didn’t-“ he tries to form a sentence, but keeps choking over his words. Knowing the team won’t believe them either way, y/n takes over for Bucky.
“Steve, Bucky and I are sorry for not leaving you any hot water. The rest of you can go back to eating.” Y/n has that overly sweet smile on her face, but when she turns to Bucky, her face softens, and she rubs his shoulder, whispering it’s not worth it. And so he drops the topic, leaving it alone, and goes back to eating his meal in quiet. But for what seemed like the worst day ever, it’s not so bad; it’s the first time Sam doesn’t make a joke where his teammates laugh at Bucky, instead laughing with him, and it’s the first time Tony smiles, genuinely smiles at him, gesturing to y/n when she isn’t looking and holding thumbs up. And when the sun has hidden all the way, and the time for sleep has come, y/n smiles at him before disappearing into her room, and, yeah, he thinks, I guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all.
#Bucky Barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x reader fluff#bucky imagine#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fluff#bucky barnes x reader fluff
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