#i just want to enjoy things again

[lacertae-dreamscape]

something i rly hate about the way my brain warped itself in the past... idk, 10 or so years is that like

aside for losing the ability to read books, which hurts like getting stabbed each time i think about it

i used to be able to *watch* things on my own. not just movies but like. tv-shows. anime. cartoons.

i'd binge them through happily while also doing other things. binge through so many episodes all on my own, having fun

now i just. can't.

i need to watch things with other people in order to be able to get through episodic shows even when i massively enjoy them. and sometimes even w friends, my focus can just wander and waver.

but like. unless im watching w someone else, i am unable to watch things

which means that unless i find a friend willing to watch something i rly want to, i will not be able to watch it on my own, which. means a lot of things i want to watch will remain unwatched because i can't make my fucking brain work enough to enjoy something anymore and i don't have friends into some of those things

it's just so incredibly frustrating.

the only things i can manage to watch on my own are things i already watched or things i have read the written version of before (like natsume yuujinchou the anime since i worship the manga) (and even then, not always. depends and unfortunately it does NOT depend on how much i loved the written version. his dark materials, one of my favourite book series that shaped a lot of my childhood when i read it, remains to this day unwatched. i watched exactly 2 episodes, struggling through. american gods, too.)

the most i was able to manage through violent forcing myself was 6 episodes of the old 90's batman cartoon over the course of a week. which i watched when i was little and wanted to rewatch/finish the episodes i missed then.

just 6.

[remapped-soul]

i probably said it here before, and i am going to say it again: misery, sadness, depression, lack of safety and softness don't create the perfect environment for art. you can't create shit or enjoy shit in this state.

sincerely,

someone who hasn't written in months bc life has been shit

[nichirat]

"The obvious solution was not to throw my hands up but try to find myself in a situation where I was doing me, not someone else. Do you. It isn’t easy but it’s essential. It’s not easy because there’s a lot in the way. In many cases a major obstacle is your deeply seated belief that you are not interesting. And since convincing yourself that you are interesting is probably not going to happen, take it off the table. Think, ‘Perhaps I’m not interesting but I am the only thing I have to offer, and I want to offer something. And by offering myself in a true way I am doing a great service to the world, because it is rare and it will help.’" - Charlie Kaufman

Listening to Charlie Kaufman's BAFTA speech again. I feel like I'm in an awkward place with my art, it was my passion for so long but I developed this mindset that if I wasn't constantly improving or making my best work that it was not worthwhile. I turned something fun into a dreadful chore. I had OCs and ideas for a web comic but my art was never good enough and I compared myself to others.

For right now, I just want to draw and enjoy drawing, whether or not anything I make is "finished" or "good". I just want to do it because it's fun.

[composeregg]

edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here

And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:

No, this was not an ISAT reference!

Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT

(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)

If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that

[heartorbit]

happy halloween! 🎃🐈‍⬛👻🐇

[decarabias]

forever thinking about royal’s bad ending. my thing with it is that maruki doesn’t necessarily give anyone what they want most, he gives them what’s most appropriate for them to want within a maruki-approved framework. iirc there’s a really interesting text sequence in the game where he just straight up changes someone’s career because they’re not “good” at it, regardless of whether that’s what they actually want. why struggle at all? ever? right?

and so ultimately i don’t think goro akechi’s greatest wish is necessarily ren. i think it’s a wish for sure, but his greatest wish is his own agency. despite any regrets he has and the fact that shido and yaldabaoth treated him like a pawn, he's generally pretty adamant about owning his choices and their consequences. he doesn't want that erased. and instead, you end up with pleasant boy™ if you take maruki’s deal. maybe maruki (incorrectly) thinks sanding off all of akechi’s rough edges will make him easier for ren to love. but the crux of it is really that maruki has to essentially lobotomize him to preserve the illusion of his perfect reality, because their ideologies are so diametrically opposed that akechi would spend every waking moment fighting back.

this isn’t to undermine ren’s importance to akechi btw — he explicitly acknowledges that he wishes they had met earlier, and there are countless moments throughout their confidant that underscore how much it means to him that they mirror each other so well. he absolutely does want more time with ren, just not under these circumstances.

and that’s also what makes ren’s choice on 2/2 doubly devastating. he knows that either way he loses akechi. and if he takes maruki’s deal, he loses him knowing that his last moments with the real akechi involved the two of them being unforgivably out of sync.

[feelo-fick]

it can't be too hard right?

it's easy not to think about things, he tells me i don't think all the time! wait...

—

a scene from a fic that i have no clue if ill finish, let alone post, but look i made fanart of my own thing that doesnt even exist :D

[egophiliac]

hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O

unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!

my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not

[laddertek]

etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex

(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)

Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[skunkes]

[rewiredmind]

they're crittering again❗️❗️

I love the D1 Core 4 when they're fresh into Auradon so I went with those outfits🔥 (or at least I think that's Jay's? I can't remember. I'm sure it is. It's fine, he's still Jay)

[hinamie]

hhmmmmm uh im dusting the cobwebs off my brain trying 2 come up w something interestinf uhh.......anything non spoiler-y you can discuss w regards to geto in the atla au perchance?

hi rin !!!!! tysm fr sending i hope u r doing well <3

atla geto lore fr u courtesy of sam:

he's a waterbender from the northern water tribe. he can bloodbend but finds it distasteful

he gave gojo the betrothal necklace/proposed to him when they were 20 (all of the adult characters are aged up in the fic vs jjk canon ages)

all of his decisions are driven by a desire to lighten the burden placed on gojo's shoulders

aaaaand atla geto draws fr u courtesy of Me :3

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[marblerose-rue]

new lioden king except ive had him for a couple weeks :-)

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

*camera filming like a documentary. Vaggie is narrating. The camera focuses on Husk reading on the couch*

Vaggie: This is Husk. He enjoys his personal space-

*camera pans out to reveal Angel laying across Husk’s lap*

Vaggie: This is Angel. He also enjoys Husk’s personal space.

[deoidesign]

For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)

It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!

I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!

It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up