#i just want things to get better but things just keep falling apart

[the-boy-meets-evil]

where you belong | kmg

(where the holidays bring you back to the person and place you need to be.)

pairing: mingyu x fem!reader genre: exes to lovers (lite) | fluff & smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~1.2k warnings: kissing, smut, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this, they're in love), that's really it

note: SURPRISE EM! 💕🫶🏻 this is for my baby @gyuswhore for the secret santa event hosted by @camandemstudios. i was so happy to get you and i hope you're surprised that it was me. this was a lot of fun!

tag list: @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizon, @klecksstorys, @gyuminusone, @aaniag, @straykidswhoo789, @kimseokgen, @beomesbabe, @haolistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @harrythepottypus, @okiedokrie, @nuttywastelandmentality, @writingbarnes, @tomodachiii, @gyuhao365, @jjin-kun, @divinityyyy, @dibidibidismynameisleeknow, @tinkerbell460, @aidanjoon, @cookiearmy, @tusswrites, @kaepjjangiya

There’s something about the holidays that always has you reflecting on the last year. It’s kind of a way for you to figure out what works and what doesn’t before starting fresh in the new year. The past year has been a blur of keeping busy and projects for work. It feels incredibly fulfilling in so many ways. All things considered, it’s been a really good year for you. 

Yet, you can’t keep your mind off the start of the year when you and your boyfriend broke things off. It isn’t some sad story of heartbreak or someone doing something horrible. You both just realized, as you spent New Year’s Eve apart because of work, that maybe it was a sign to give yourselves a chance at something different. Both of you agreed that it made the most sense. Life was pulling you in different directions and it felt like the time to really push forward in your separate work lives. 

If it’s meant to be, it’ll always find a way. You genuinely believe that. So, when your ex walks into the tiny little coffee shop two days before Christmas, you take it as something of a sign. You shouldn’t even still be in the city and this isn’t a coffee shop you’ve ever been to before. But, your travel plans got delayed and you’ve been meaning to try this place for months. His eyes land on you from his position by the counter and he doesn’t seem surprised either. Your heart constricts a little at that shy smile and the way his shaggy hair bounces as he shakes his head. 

“I can’t believe my luck,” Mingyu says when he approaches. “I figured you’d be gone.” 

“I had something come up last minute. I was supposed to leave last night,” you say and he smiles. 

“I’m not sure I want to leave at all now,” he admits. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“Yeah, same,” you admit. 

“I just moved and I actually live around the corner. Do you want to catch up?” he asks.

“Let me just get my coat.” 

Catching up goes from filling each other in on the last year to Mingyu cooking the best meal you’ve had in ages to lounging on the couch and laughing over silly shows. It’s easy to fall back into such a sense of comfort with him. Every part of you still seems to know every part of him. Some things you would have to explain to anyone else just instantly make sense to him. But, it feels different too. It feels like the last year has allowed you both to realize what’s actually important. Maybe it taught you how to better prioritize your time. 

Something else is easy, too. You fall back into bed with him without a second thought. This is different now, too. Sex wasn’t ever an issue, but he wants you to show him exactly what you want now. Wants it to be perfect for you. The kind of thing that you can’t ever get over. You’re not really sure you ever got over him the first time and you want to tell him you don’t plan to let go of him this time.

“I’ll teach you whatever you want to know,” you tell him. 

“Teach me how to be good for you,” he answers, breathless. 

And you do. Mingyu is a giver, always has been. This is more than that, though. This Mingyu wants to map your reactions to every little thing he does. He wants to watch the way you squirm when his tongue flicks against your clit just right. Wants to memorize the way your thighs squeeze his head when he licks into you. Even if it’s always been good, it’s never been like this. It’s never felt like he’s worshipping your body in quite this way. 

With a moan, your back arches against this bed and your hands scramble to find purchase on something. Anything. You try to keep up a stream of instructions like you said you would, but Mingyu’s also a very fast learner. It doesn’t take him long until his mouth is moving in the perfect way between your legs. Only take one comment for him to add a finger. Doesn’t need to be told how to hit you just right with those fingers. You’re a writhing mess and you’re not even sure that you can think straight anymore. He’s got you seeing stars as you come hard on his tongue and his fingers. 

“I’m not sure you need me to teach you anything,” you say after catching your breath for a second. 

Mingyu’s got a bit of a smirk on his mouth, still glistening a little. “Maybe I just like hearing you talk me through things when you’re coming undone.”

“Oh, it’s like that?” you joke back. 

“We can see if you need to teach me anything else,” he says with that sparkle still in his eyes. 

“You’re not done with me?” you ask and try not to sound too hopeful.

“No,” he says and kisses you before you can respond in any way. 

It always seemed crazy to you to think that someone could kiss you stupid. Until Mingyu kisses you like that after nearly a year apart. Until you remember all the kisses for every different occasion. Now it just seems crazy to think there’s anyone out there for you other than him. He keeps kissing you as he settles his body between your legs, hovering his body just over yours so that he doesn’t put too much weight on you. Keeps kissing you as he uses a hand to line himself up at your entrance. Keeps kissing you as he slowly presses into you. The pace is slower than you want, filled with all the things you’re feeling. All the affection and reverence that he’s always shown you. 

“Mingyu, please, I need more,” you finally moan out. 

And it happens like that again. He lets you teach him just the pace that you want. He lets you set the rhythm alternating between slow, languid strokes and hard, fast snaps of his hips. Everything else around you disappears. All you see is the love in his eyes as he takes you in. Everything about this moment is perfect. The absolute best way that you can imagine to end the year. Almost as good as him pushing you to a second orgasm just before he follows right after you.

It seems too early to be awake if the light coming in through the cracks in Mingyu’s curtains is any indication, but the smell of coffee wafts tantalizingly into the bedroom. You’re incredibly thankful that you changed all of your holiday plans to stay with Mingyu. It clearly isn’t just the post-sex haze that has you wanting to stay. Your heart is full to bursting with warmth. He’s always been it for you and you’re thankful that you get to spend another holiday with him. 

So, you pull on a baggy shirt Mingyu has lying by the side of the bed and slide out of bed. You walk over to the window to see what’s making it seem a little brighter outside. Amazingly, snow falls gently in beautiful, swirling patterns. The whole world is quiet and you know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. 

I hope you enjoyed it ❤️

[v1rtualsalvat10n]

𓆩♡𓆪 for the first time

― luigi thinks of you in his cell. that's it that's the fic.

notes :: thank you for all the support to show my appreciation i would like to throw a rusty screwdriver into your hearts i love u guys!!

The thing they don't tell you about prison is that it's really cold.

No, seriously. It's really fucking cold, even here in NYC where it's already cold to begin with - it's like you're in the back of a deep freezer in a shitty jumpsuit, because you kind of are. It's cold enough that I have to curl up into a ball on my "bed", knees to my chest in order to try and stay warm.

And because I have nothing to do, I find myself staring at the white, emotionless wall, and doing that sort of thing is kind of a surefire way to get your mind to wander. One of the tried and true methods, if you will.

It's lonely here. Sure, the inmates like me, they're nice, but I mean... I'm not really in the mood to socialize with anyone. This whole ordeal has sucked the energy out of me. I've been being thrown around the country for days, ever since they found me.

I don't even want to think about what's happening outside of this place, either. I'm sure people have lots of thoughts and things to say about what I did.

I wonder if she saw it.

The news, I mean. Of course she saw it, who didn't? I bet her and all my old classmates and friends are probably talking about it, about me, what I'd done - right now. Trying to pick apart my motive, maybe grieving about the life I'd thrown away. Guess I had a lot ahead of me.

Can't help but wonder what she's thinking. I wonder if she's disappointed in me. Or maybe proud. Why am I thinking so much about what she thinks of me? It was one fling, from ages ago, I can't even remember when... at one of countless parties, and yet I still see how she looked underneath me so clearly.

It wasn't really just a fling. I talked to her about it - about how the system was falling apart (if it was ever together to begin with) and I felt the need to put all this privilege I'd been granted to good use. How I felt like I had to do something. She told me about herself, too, how she'd been fucked over time and time again and how she knew countless others who felt the same way.

Actually, yeah, we spent a lot of time together, thinking back on it. She'd come over on those cold winter nights I remember so fondly and we'd keep warm together, whatever way we could find. She was kind of... below me, I guess. Lower class. Not that I cared that much, though. Didn't make her any less of a lover.

And then I went radio silent. Then I figured out exactly what that thing I had to do was, and I put all my effort towards it. I didn't have time for love anymore. I had to take the chance I'd been given and fix things.

So I started leaving her on seen, stopped answering my door, even when she'd yell that she knew I was there, stopped showing up at the places I'd loved before, I stopped everything. Dropped off the map and left nothing but a ghost in my place.

She probably hates me.

I'd like to think that maybe this brings her solace... that maybe the idea that "it wasn't because you did something wrong" made her feel better, but I doubt it does.

When I get out of here, if I even do, she'll probably have forgotten all about me, because everybody forgets. I'll be old news by the time that day comes, and everything we did, everything we wanted to do - would just be a hazy memory.

I still remember seeing her for the first time. I remember the way her eyes pierced through my soul, and I remember how it made me feel inside.

I wonder if she remembers that too.

[fangdokja]

The man in your apartment knows you better than you know yourself.

♡ Book. A Heart Devoured: A Dark Yandere Anthology

♡ Pairing. Yandere! Stalker x Reader

♡ Oneshot. #1

♡ Word Count. 908

The night swallowed the city whole, wrapping it in the kind of darkness that only amplifies your breathing. He had been watching you for hours now, hidden just beyond the edges of your comprehension, a master of shadows and silence. You didn’t know, couldn’t know, but he had memorized the fragile line of your existence—the tremble in your voice when you spoke too quickly, the way your hands fumbled over themselves when you thought no one noticed. You were art in its most raw form: vulnerable, flawed, perfect.

He thought about you every second every single day. You had no idea.

The first time he saw you, it had been accidental. A fleeting moment—your back turned to him, your hair catching the low golden light like the divine threads of some celestial loom. His breath had caught, just for a second, but in that second, his world shattered and reformed around one singular truth: you were his. He didn’t know your name then, but he didn’t need to. A predator never needs to introduce himself to his prey.

Tonight, he stands in your apartment, the silence of your slumber heavy in the air. You don’t hear him, don’t feel his gaze burning into your sleeping form. You’ve sprawled out on the bed like a lamb offered up for slaughter, limbs loose, breath even. He’s been here long enough to memorize the rise and fall of your chest, the vulnerable hollow of your throat, the pulse-point just beneath your jaw. His gloved fingers twitch, aching to reach out, to press down, to claim.

But he won’t—not yet. No, not yet. Anticipation is a wine best aged, and he has patience honed by decades of knowing how to break things.

His own reflection in the mirror catches his eye. He’s huge, monstrous compared to you—broad shoulders, scarred hands, a face carved by the violence of time and regret. He looks like someone who’s torn lives apart, because he has. The juxtaposition is delicious, isn’t it? You, all soft and warm and untouched; him, sharp edges and blackened depths. The lamb and the wolf.

He steps closer, boots silent against the hardwood. Every fiber of his being screams to touch you, but he resists, fists clenching at his sides. The air feels heavier the closer he gets, charged like the moment before a storm breaks. His voice, low and guttural, cuts through the stillness, though it’s barely a whisper.

“You don’t even know, do you?”

You stir faintly in your sleep, a soft sound spilling from your lips. His chest tightens at the noise. He doesn’t want to wake you, not yet, but the idea of you opening those innocent eyes and finding him here, towering over you like the monster in the dark, makes him shudder. Fear looks good on you. He knows it will. He’s dreamt of it.

“You’re so fragile,” he murmurs, the words more for himself than for you. “I could crush you with a hand around your neck, and you’d still be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

The knife at his hip is a comforting weight. He doesn’t intend to use it—yet. It’s there as a reminder, a talisman against his own spiraling thoughts. He wants to keep you. He’ll have to hurt you, yes, break you a little to make you fit in his world, but he won’t destroy you. Not entirely. The line between possession and obliteration is thin, razor-thin, and he walks it with a surgeon’s precision.

You shift again, this time closer to waking. A soft noise escapes your throat, and his breath hitches. He steps back into the shadows, watching as your eyes flutter open, unfocused, scanning the darkness. You sit up slowly, the blanket falling from your shoulders. The room feels wrong, doesn’t it? You’re not alone, even if your logical mind is screaming that you are.

“Who’s there?” your voice is hoarse, tinged with fear. He doesn’t answer, of course. Instead, he lets the silence stretch, lets your panic bloom like some exquisite flower. You reach for your phone on the nightstand, but it’s not there. He has it. He’s been reading your texts for weeks, combing through every word for evidence of someone who might take you from him. There’s no one. Not yet. And if there ever is, he’ll handle it.

You’re standing now, edging toward the door, your breath quickening. It’s intoxicating, watching you like this. The fear, the confusion, the dawning realization that something is deeply, irrevocably wrong.

“Why are you running?” his voice comes from the corner of the room, low and smooth and dripping with menace. You freeze, your eyes snapping to the darkness where he stands. You can’t see him, not fully, but you feel him.

“Who are you?” your voice trembles.

He steps forward into the dim light, slow and deliberate, letting you take him in. He sees the fear bloom in your eyes, sees the way your body tenses like a rabbit caught in a snare. It’s beautiful.

“I’m the only one who will ever love you the way you deserve,” he says, voice soft but cold as the grave. “You’ll understand soon enough."

And then he lunges.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Be Mine

Jay Halstead x Reader

A casual thing with Jay turns serious when he sees someone else flirting with you.

You knew Jay’s record when it came to dating. Disastrous was a word for it, not that yours was much better but you at least stuck to dating outside of your profession because you’d seen too many relationships implode, his and Erin’s one of them. You told yourself there was no issue with you being assigned as his new partner, Jay was your friend for sure and yes he was gorgeous, you had eyes but you wouldn’t let yourself go there. You were too smart to fall for your partner.

The first week or so was easy. There was the usual adjustment period of getting used to being at each other’s side during work hours. After that passed the two of you quickly found a rhythm that worked. Within a couple months of being partnered you and Jay were to the point of a look being passed said more than words with anyone else. When the year mark passed it was like you’d always been partners.

You and him were currently in his truck watching a suspect’s residence while you waited for a patrol car to relieve you. You reached for your coffee and groaned when you realized it was empty “That was like your fifth cup” Jay laughed and you cut your eyes at him “Well if that damn patrol car would hurry up maybe I wouldn’t need as much caffeine to stay awake” “So my company isn’t stimulating enough?” he asked, as if he was offended.

You turned in the passenger seat to stare at him long enough that he raised an eyebrow “What?” you shrugged “Take your shirt off, then maybe you’ll be stimulating enough I can stay awake” his mouth fell open and you couldn’t help but laugh “What? You look good shirtless! That would keep anyone awake, just to ogle you” 

He shook his head “I can’t believe you’re objectifying me like this” you grinned “Oh honey, do you want me to objectify you?” before you could blink his hand had moved from where it’d been resting on the console to slip around the back of your neck, holding you in place as he said “As soon as that damn patrol car gets here and I get you back to my apartment you can do whatever you want to me, just remember that goes both ways”

You swallowed hard at the promise, ok maybe you hadn’t been as smart as you originally had thought. You and Jay had been sleeping together for a few months. It started after a close call. Adrenaline was high, the two of you went out for a beer. You never made it into the bar. He’d met you at your truck and the moment you stepped out his lips were on yours. You’d been shocked for a moment then returned the kiss fully and when he realized that his hands slipped around your waist, pulling you closer with one while the other slipped down to grab a handful of your ass. When the need for air pushed you apart, chests heaving he’d gave you one of those smiles that always made your stomach flip “I’m sorry, I just had to do that” “Don’t apologize for a kiss like that Halstead, damn” you teased.

The morning after found the two of you wrapped around each other in his bed. After a bit of an awkward wakeup an agreement formed that the sex was mind blowing and your partnership and friendship was too important to risk. You’d continue to sleep together but it wouldn’t be an official thing. That way you’d have the best of both worlds. You hadn’t realized what you were agreeing to at the moment.

The longer you were in his bed, the more you fell for him but it wasn’t like you could stop now. He was worse than any addiction because you were head over heels for this one.  He wasn’t just good in bed, he was protective and smarter than he gave himself credit for and such a sweetheart. Jay was just a genuinely good man for the most part. Anyone would fall for him, that was how you convinced yourself you weren’t the world’s biggest idiot.

Jay was just leaning closer to catch your lips in a quick kiss when he pulled his hand away and leaned back to his side of the truck. You shot him a questioning look then saw the patrol car. “Thank god” you muttered and he grinned “Oh really?” you glared at him “You’re not that damn good in bed Jay. I’m eager to get out of this truck”

His jaw clenched as he pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of his apartment where you’d parked your truck. Once you were clear of the patrol car his hand slipped back over the console and this time it slipped down between your thighs, when your legs fell open in response to his touch he chuckled darkly “Really looks like I’m not that good when you’re spreading your legs in my truck there darling”

You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you and muttered “Fuck you Jay” his hand slipped higher and he grinned, eyes never leaving the road “That’s the plan”

You were trying to focus on the witness you and Hailey were interviewing but the woman who was currently shoving her chest in Jay’s face about two feet to your right was grating on your nerves. When you saw her pass him a piece of paper folded up and him shove it in his pocket you felt like your head may actually catch on fire. He took her number?!? 

You knew this thing between you two wasn’t official but damn you thought it was something. 

“Hey, you good?” Hailey asked and you nodded “Yeah, I’m good” if Jay didn’t want you as much as you wanted him then why the hell were you letting him drag your heart through the dirt and keep you on the back burner for sex when the fact was if he’d take someone’s number, in your face, on the job he was more than likely fucking other people too. 

Jay couldn’t believe the woman wouldn’t shut up until he took her number. He just hoped you hadn’t seen. He’d throw it away as soon as she turned her back. If only she knew that the gorgeous detective interviewing someone not far from him was who he spent most of his spare time with, maybe she’d back off.

He cut his eyes over where you and Hailey were moments before and saw your retreating back. Ok, maybe you two had gotten a lead? He’d see you back at the precinct. As soon as he got off he planned to ask if you wanted to grab dinner. 

_______________

Two days had passed and Jay was losing his mind. He had no idea what he’d done to you but that day when he’d gotten back to the precinct you barely looked his way then offered to buy Hailey dinner as soon as all of you got off. He’d brushed it off. He didn’t have to spend all of his time with you after all.

Now he was worried it was something else. You weren’t answering any texts, barely speaking to him at work if it wasn’t directly related to whatever case you had and the look on your face when you did make eye contact with him was different. He didn’t like the way the pit in his stomach doubled in size every time. Had you found someone else? Were you freezing him out in hopes he’d end things? How the hell was he supposed to go back to just being partners?

When Friday night hit Jay overheard you telling Adam and Kim you’d see them at Mollys and decided he’d be there too. He had to see you, maybe if you weren’t at work you’d talk to him? Maybe he could fix whatever he’d done.

_______________

Jay parked his truck across the street from Mollys then walked towards the bar. His one goal was to find you. When he pushed the door open the sound of your laughter hit his ears. He looked towards the sound and the pit in his stomach turned to anger when he saw you talking with one of the firefighters that were in town for some sort of training at fifty one. 

The way you were looking at the guy was the way you looked at him. You weren’t supposed to look at anyone else like that. His feet started moving without him thinking and before he realized he was in front of you, “Y/N? Can we talk?”

____________________

Nikolaus was a decent looking guy, not as good looking as Jay but not ugly. He was also sweet. You were having a decent time talking to him when you felt someone move up behind you right before Jay stepped into your line of vision “Y/N? Can we talk?”

You cut your eyes up at him and felt your heart flip. God why did he have to affect you like that? “Nik, this is my partner Jay” Nik offered his hand but Jay’s eyes never left you “Nice meeting ya but I need to talk to her” Nik cut his eyes at you, and you nodded “I’ll talk to you later”

You watched him walk away then looked back at Jay “What?” he looked from where Nik’s back had disappeared through the crowd back to you “Whatever we have right now is not enough” you knew your confusion was plain because after him taking that woman’s number you were fairly certain you didn’t have anything. 

“What do you mean Jay? You don’t want to be with me. I saw you take her number” he huffed out a laugh as he rolled his eyes “If you would’ve kept watching then you would’ve saw me through it away too” “Wait, what?” you froze, eyes wide.

He nodded “I didn’t want her number. I didn’t want her. I want you but I can't have you looking at someone the way you look at me.” he shook his head “That I can’t handle so I need you to make this official. Right now. Please"  you felt a smile slip onto your face "Were you...jealous?"

He slipped his arms around your waist and you registered this was a very public display of affection. "Yes. Of course I'd be jealous! You haven’t really spoken to me in days then that damn firefighter thinking he has a chance?”

Your hands went to his chest, smoothing over his shirt “So, you really want to make this official?” he grinned, pulling you in for a kiss. When he pulled away he smiled “Yeah next time some woman won’t take no for an answer can I point out my amazing girlfriend?”

You tapped your chin like you were thinking and he shook your hips playfully “Baby”  you laughed then said “Yes you can say I’m yours, just as long as I can call you mine” He grinned “Deal” 

[fanficsbysteve]

Jeremy Crow

Note: When I write my BuckTommy stuff, I always draw on my own personal experiences when writing stuff for Tommy. He’s a 40 year old gay man, I’m a 40 year old gay man. His Dad was abusive as shit growing up. My Dad was abusive as shit growing up. So, I feel we could have some very similar stuff happen in our lives. So, I had this thought and figured that in my head this was true. So, enjoy another of my silly little headcanons.

Also available on AO3 if you want to leave Kudos.

***

Tommy took Evan up to his bedroom to get ready for bed, and some other things beforehand but Tommy was not going to push for that. It had been two weeks since they had spoken and realized they were both idiots and decided to try again, just not going at light speed that Evan had been going at. Tommy was going to talk about how things made him feel and wasn’t just ‘trying to keep up’ with Evan’s pace. They were also going to go at Tommy’s pace as well.

     Going into the room, Tommy looked at the bed and spotted something sitting in the middle of the bed. Tommy froze. Oh god he had forgotten to put that away. Evan went past Tommy into the room and his eyes also fell onto the bed, “Oh what’s that?” he asked, looking at the bed as well.

     Sitting in the middle of the pillows was a stuffed crow. It looked like it had seen better days, its better days being three decades ago. The black fuzz that had been its torso had all but worn away, the paint on its eyes had been rubbed off and was just the white of the eyes now. The only part that seemed to have withstood the test of time was the beak of the crow, “Um…” Tommy started, “That would be Jeremy. Jeremy Crow.”

 Tommy looked at the crow sitting on his bed, named after a character from a movie he had watched as a child. He had gotten it when he was around five years old and had been sleeping with him every night since. There was something comforting about having Jeremy with him. He slept better. Tommy sometimes thought that Jeremy kept the bad dreams away. He never had them when he had Jeremy in his arms. He had been trying to hide Jeremy away, not wanting Evan to see him because he was scared of what Evan would think about him. A grown man still sleeping with a stuffed animal from his childhood.

     Evan did something that shocked Tommy. Something he hadn’t expected. Evan walked over to the bed, got in, motioned for Tommy to join him, and handed Jeremy over to Tommy, “So tell me about Jeremy,” Evan asked as he lie down.

     Tommy took Jeremy and held him close, feeling the comfort that Jeremy brought to him, “I’ve had him for years,” Tommy started, “My Mom had seen him at a Garage sale and bought him for me. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up so things like this were rare. My mom did enjoy going to garage sales though. She could always find the most interesting treasures at those,” Tommy went to lay down fully in bed, “She passed away about a year after she gave me Jeremy. It’s the only thing I have left that reminds me of her.”

     Evan pulled Tommy into a cuddle. Wrapping his arms around the both of them, “I’m sorry that happened,” Evan said. Tommy had told him about how his mother had died when he was about 6 years old, and how his home life had gone downhill after that as his father had become an alcoholic, “I’m glad you still have something that reminds you of her.”

     Tommy let Evan hold him, feeling his warmth, Jeremy tucked in close to his chest, “I might not have it for long anyways,” Tommy said, “You saw what he looked like. He’s seen better days. I think his best days were back when I was a child. Soon he’s just going to fall apart like most things in my life and I’ll lose the last shred of my Mom.”

     Tommy felt tears welling up, but he refused to let them fall. He would not cry over this. He would remain strong, “You won’t lose the last shred of your Mom though,” Evan gave Tommy a squeeze, “She lives inside you. And you will always have her memory. Jeremy is a reminder of those memories but he’s just a thing.”

     “I know,” Tommy said, “Doesn’t make it less painful that I’ll lose him. Did you know that he’s the reason I don’t have nightmares all the time?”

     “You believe that your stuffed crow stops nightmares?” Evan sounded, “But my belief that I was cursed by a dead cowboy was silly?”

     “Oh, leave me alone,” Tommy playfully elbowed Evan, “I have my own beliefs just like you. I don’t believe in curses, but I’ve never had a nightmare so long as I have Jeremy with me. You’ve experienced my nightmares.”

     Tommy remembered when he was staying over at Evan’s place a few months ago. He felt he had his nightmares under control. He was very wrong. He had been having a flashback to his time in Iraq, he had joined the military and was working as a helicopter pilot, one of those big troop carrier types. They were flying over the desert when out of nowhere, someone fired a missile at them. Tommy saw it coming but not in time and the back of the chopper had been hit. He did everything he could to get them down safely, but they ended up crashing no matter what Tommy did. Six men died on impact. They were nowhere near a city or town. It took them 3 days to find their way back. Tommy had woken up screaming that night. Evan was freaking out about what was happening. He had no idea the PTSD that Tommy was suppressing every day, “I know,” Evan replied, continuing to hold him.

     “Lets just get some sleep,” Tommy said. He was exhausted from having to remember so many things he’s been trying so hard to keep down.

***

     Tommy was at Evan’s loft, laying in bed, waiting for Evan to finish up in the bathroom. He was ready for bed, laying in just his boxers, nothing else on. He preferred to sleep like this when at Evan’s loft. Evan kept the temperature up higher than Tommy did at his house, so it was always far too warm for him in the loft. Hot air rising and all that. Evan came out of the bathroom, dressed only in his underwear as well, and crawled into bed, “I got you something,” Evan said as he leaned over the bed to grab something from the side. Tommy was confused, “Since you don’t have Jeremy Crow while over here, I wanted you to have something to hold, maybe to keep the dreams at bay,” Evan pulled up a penguin, the size of Jeremy.

     Tommy reached out to take it from Evan. He had tears in his eyes. This was the first time someone had actually not mocked him for having Jeremy. The fact that Evan had taken the time to go out, find this penguin, just for Tommy to sleep with so he didn’t wake up screaming, which meant something to Tommy, “Evan,” was all he could manage to get out as his throat constricted as he wanted to cry.

     “He doesn’t have a name yet,” Evan replied, “I figured that you would want to name him yourself. I don’t know any good penguin movies besides Happy Feet. So, I will leave naming him to you,” Evan continued, “And if he works, would you allow me to take Jeremy to someone I found? After you showed me Jeremy, I started falling down a research hole.”

     Tommy was just staring at the penguin while Evan spoke, barely hearing what he was saying. Tommy at this moment knew that Evan was the one. The one to spend the rest of his life with. He just didn’t know how to broach the subject now. They had only been back together for three weeks, “Sorry what?”

     “I was asking if I could take Jeremy to a repair shop I found online,” Evan repeated. Tommy leaned into Evan, just staring at this new penguin, “He’s got a great online presence, lots of five star reviews on Google. I figured we could make Jeremy last awhile longer if we took him in for some repairs.”

     Tommy nodded his head absently at that, “Sounds good,” He said.

     “You seem a little out of it,” Evan asked, “Something wrong?”

     “Not really,” Tommy replied, “I’ve never had someone care about me so much. Usually, it was open mockery if anyone actually saw Jeremy. You are the first person who actually cared about me enough to not only not mock me about my crow that I sleep with, but you went out of your way to get something so that I could sleep well at your place as well.”

     “Well, you are important to me,” Evan said, “I wouldn’t have blurted out about moving in together all those months ago if I didn’t mean it. I want you to feel like you are at home here as well until the day we do decide to take the next steps.”

     Now it was Tommy’s turn to blurt things out. He shouldn’t have but he couldn’t help himself. He felt so complete now with Evan, knowing about his nightmares, how to help with them, “I love you,” Tommy said turning his head to face Evan, “I love you more than anything in this world. You are the first person who has ever taken the time to understand me. I want you to be my last.”

     Tommy watched as Evan was taken aback by his statement for a brief second, “I didn’t expect that,” a smile broke out over Evan’s face, “I love you too you fool. I figured that out months ago when I asked you to move in.”

     “We both agreed we were idiots,” Tommy said as he brought the penguin in for a tight hug. He felt similar to Jeremy, but softer, “But yes you can take Jeremy in for repairs, but only because I have Hubie here.”

     “Hubie?” Evan asked about the name.

     Tommy smiled, “Yes Hubie. I’m a child of the 80’s and 90’s. I watched a lot of Don Bluth movies. There was one about penguins and the main character is named Hubie. So, it fits.”

     “You’ll have to show me the movies that you get your names from one of these days,” Evan said, “But now lets get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

     Tommy turned on his side, letting Evan take the Big Spoon position, holding Hubie close. A content sigh left his body as he felt this soft penguin in his arms, and Evan’s arms pulling him close. This was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.

***

Note: So yeah, I admit that I still have stuffed animals. I have the stuffed Mickey Mouse I had since I as a child still in my bedroom. I also have a stuffed Penguin I sleep with named Mr. Pickles. Just something I need to sleep. If I don’t have one of them, I can’t sleep well. And yes, I am actually a 40 year old man who sleeps with a stuffed penguin. Hate all you want but you won’t change me. For the record, Jeremy Crow came from The Secret of NIMH, and Hubie the Penguin is from The Pebble and the Penguin. Both Don Bluth movies.

[aettuddae]

business matter — chapter 129.

a christmas special.

↳ synopsis: two of the most important kpop companies covet a partnership with a huge global brand, only to be surprised when the deal is extended to both labels. fearing potential sabotage and cynical strategies to secure exclusivity for just one of them, both CEOs resort to desperate measures. in a bid to maintain trust and prevent betrayal before the signing, they come up with a pact: forcing a fake relationship between the leaders of their star girlgroups. if one side attempted to fail the other, they threaten to expose it all to the conservative south korea.

masterlist | prev | next

[written chapter]

serim was not good at coping with the cold. she liked the winter, she had always done, since she was little she spent most of the year looking forward to the low temperatures and, with it, the snow, but still, she was not good at coping with that time of the year. she always got sick and she used to care little about it, but since she became a trainee and later a singer she had to start taking care of her health and vocal cords, so in the most recent years of her life she hardly ever left her house during those times, unless she went to the many activities an idol has to do during the holidays or one of her friends insisted so much that she could not say no.

on that day serim's house was extremely warm, because even though she was not working, she was used to doing everything possible to avoid illness, and she was not willing to surrender to the freezing weather in seoul. she felt sorry for her plants, many were not the kind that could stand being in such a warm environment, but it was a force greater than herself.

having an altered perception of climate, she did not even think about the wind and the coolness that would hit her when she opened the balcony door, causing her to jump back inside and quickly close the sliding glass. she was extremely excited, running around the house and talking to her hedgehog who was pacing the living room floor uncomprehending and probably sweating from how high the thermostat was set. she went with speed to her room and threw on whatever winter clothes she could find, then hurried back and tried again to get outside.

still shivering a little, she leaned her forearms against the railing of her balcony and leaned against it, watching the first snow fall in seoul.

she loved winter, and even though it was still a month away, she loved the feeling of christmas approaching. the first snowfall had always been one of those important events for her. one of those that when it's about to happen you can't shake the anxiety, or the sensation that something important is in the air. it tends to fall in late november and serim during those dates was always on the lookout for any sign of what day it would be. she loved it, and as soon as she saw it happening just outside her house, she couldn't contain her joy, standing there motionless watching the snowflakes fall for a long while.

she had nothing better to do, after all, the hiatus was killing her. her friends were fully occupied, her members were in the activities she would want to be in and her family was far away in daegu. she couldn't help that those would be lonely and boring holidays, but at least she had time to appreciate nice things like this one.

or so she would once she opened the door to whoever claimed to see her in the middle of a snowfall.

serim sighed, she hated it when she was interrupted in her few moments when she could enjoy things that excited her. she walked back into her apartment and made her way to open the door.

the doorbell had rung, not the telecommunicator, so she figured it might be one of her bandmates, her manager, or a friend. since she didn't have to work or keep a schedule, she wasn't fully aware of what day it was, so she wasn't aware of what her acquaintances might be doing at the moment or who was free.

what she didn't expect was to find jimin behind the door.

it had been a couple of months since she had seen her in person, although they texted sometimes, maybe since september they hadn't been in one another's presence. she was always busy, she had gone on tour and back, only to embark on a new comeback and promotions season. awards season had started as well and she, as the big star of the year, had to be at every event that happened. while serim had been a little more docile with her, open to the idea of doing some things together if the occasion arose, jimin just hadn't had the time, she wanted to take serim on dates, on trips, be together at her house, go for walks, help her with whatever she needed, but she was overworked and couldn't afford it.

except for that day, one of the few days off she'd had in a while.

jimin had been looking forward to it because she had already planned to go visit serim, even if she threw a tantrum when she saw her, she wanted to at least hug her after those two months without having her around, without feeling her scent nor holding her hands. she hadn't told her she was going because she didn't want to be rejected before she could be in front of the woman, which risked a fit of possible anger from the older girl, but jimin missed her so much that she didn't think anything through.

she just needed a plan, something to do together if serim didn't kick her out of her house, and the snow had come as if it heard her pleading. as soon as she looked out her window and noticed the first flakes, she got ready at the speed of light and frantically went out to find a cab. and now she was in the hallway of serim's apartment, covered in snow, her arms stretched in the air in excitement and wearing a silly grin because of the oldest.

she looked so adorable in that stupid giant blue scarf and her glasses that serim had to resist the urge to throw herself at her, limbs almost lifting on their own, stifling a smile using all the strength in her body.

serim had missed jimin too, of course she had, and she hated herself for it.

"what are you doing here?" the owner of the apartment asked not even greeting her.

"why do you have hello kitty pants on?" she ignored, not wanting to deal with her bitterness, and pointed to the pink garment with drawings of the character.

"because i'm at home." she said obviously.

"it's a choice." she cocked her head to the side without stopping to look at them.

"are you going to tell me what you're doing in my house while it's snowing?" she folded her arms and furrowed her eyebrows.

"that!" she jumped on the spot with glee. "i came looking for you so we could go see the first snow of the year together!" she announced in a jovial tone.

"and why would i want to see the first snow with you?" she was dying to go with her.

"because you love me." she replied simply. "and even my company is better than watching it from your balcony alone." she obtruded.

"how do you know i was watching it from the balcony?" she exclaimed in surprise.

"you're covered in coats when inside your house it's amazonian temperatures and you have snow melting on your arms." she pointed to the detail.

serim raised her arms suddenly placing them in front of her eyes to look at the clues of her actions in these startled, with her mouth slightly open, confirming that she had given herself away. she dropped them on both sides of her body dejectedly and gave the girl a sideways glance, contemplating her proposal, to end up turning around without a word and heading to her bedroom.

"where are you going?" confused, the younger girl raised her voice as she watched her walk away.

maybe serim was feeling very lonely during the hiatus, or maybe she needed jimin more than she liked to admit.

"i can't leave my house in hello kitty pants." she replied disinterestedly, causing the happy grimace on karina's face to widen.

in an extremely awkward silence they made their way to the small park in the gated community where serim resided. they had so many things they wanted to say to each other, but communication had never been their best quality as a duo. serim wanted to know how she had been during that time, if she was tired, and how her busy schedule was treating her, or ask why she couldn't get her out of her mind even when they hadn't seen each other for so long. jimin, on her side, wanted to generate any kind of conversation, it was enough for her to know that serim was enjoying her company. but neither of them dared to let that happen, whether it was out of spite or fear.

but jimin hadn't gone to see her in such particular weather after so many days of not having her around just to be silent, though if that's the way it should be, at least she was happy to have her at arm's length. she took a breath and with the hand that gravitated around serim's she reached for hers, intertwining their fingers once their palms came into contact. pathetically, she found herself closing her eyes for a second, bracing herself for the terrible reaction expected from the woman, but she received none, the girl left her hand there with hers, and jimin turned to check, disoriented, only to find her admiring the falling snow so fascinated that she hadn't remembered she had to hate karina full time.

she smiled to herself as she closed the distance between them, making their bodies rub against each other, securing her grip on her.

she was walking hand in hand with serim, when was the last time that had happened? her heart was beating at such a rapid rate as her senses were lost in the warmth and perfume of the woman that it felt like a drill.

when they arrived at the park it was almost empty. it was not a place where there were never many people as it was in a neighborhood of rich people who didn't have time or desire to walk around the area, and fewer people there were going to be with such weather. they walked calmly to the center in a void of words that was no longer as uncomfortable as a few blocks ago, stopping near the structure that crowned the place to appreciate how the snow fell on it and its surroundings.

"do you like snow?" inquired karina once they found a position where they could appreciate the spectacle and stood there.

"yes i like it, winter it's my favorite season." she gave her a look for the first time all the way there. "even though my immune system is a mess, i always get sick." she let out a sheepish chuckle.

"winter is my favorite season too." she settled in by tying her body to jang's arm. "and that's because you don't eat well!" she complained. "but don't worry, if you get sick i'll take care of you." she arranged a few strands of hair falling over the older girl's face.

"i do eat well only you don't see it." she smiled sideways.

"don't try lying to me." she shot her a look of suspicion, making her laugh.

jimin couldn't hide the satisfaction that this had brought her, feeling that serim didn't hate her for a second, she felt fulfilled. they held each other for a moment there watching the scenery, being as close as they rarely were outside of serim's room, swaying quietly as if they weren't two hurricanes trying to fit together. karina released her grip on her to put herself opposite to her and take the vocalist's face in her hands, leaning her body forward to leave a soft kiss on her cheek. serim wasn't expecting it and the surprise left her serious, speechless, she averted her gaze to the side, pressing her lips into a line, but a slight blush was exposed on her cheeks that she hoped jimin would believe was just from the cold.

"namu." she called to her in a low tone, so that only she would hear. "i have to tell you something."

"what is it?" she turned her eyes to her, face expressionless.

"i..." she took a long breath through her nose, trying to calm the uneasiness in her stomach from nerves. "i want you." she blurted out, pulling her shoulders back a little, puffing out her chest showing confidence. "and i want to spend this christmas with you."

"this christmas you're going to be working." she rebutted with discomfiture. "just like me, i hope." she spoke to the sky as if asking god.

"no, namu." she was already beginning to feel the anxiety of not being able to emit what she felt the right way and was giving her first uneasy hands through the air. "i mean i want to spend this christmas with you and many more." she clarified. "i want you to be my present." she rested her index finger on the girl's chest, pointing at her. "i want to kiss you and have you be the first person i greet." she held up the opening of the girl's coat. "i want to be with you."

serim was having difficulty maintaining eye contact, and even more difficulty finding something to reply to a statement that made her uneasy. "what do you mean by that?"

"i'm confessing." she admitted simply. "that's what you're supposed to do in the first snow."

"a confession is for someone who doesn't know how you feel." sadness returned to her demeanor as it always did when she was around jimin. "i think you've already told me everything you have going on with me."

"really?" her voice rose slightly, getting a little desperate. "do you really think you know everything i feel about you?" she questioned. "do you know that i can't stop thinking about you? that every action i take i think about what your reaction would be?" her breathing was slowly failing. "i have a hard time sleeping at night because i wish you were by my side." she rubbed her face with her palms trying to get rid of the frustration.

"jimin, the problem is that i don't believe you." she interrupted her weakly, her eyes on the floor.

"and what do you need me to do to prove to you that it's true?" her movements were wide and fast because of distress. "to make you understand that i despise myself almost as much as you do for hurting you." she believed her eyes were glazing over, but she didn't have the composure to concentrate on anything at the moment. "i was wrong, serim, i tried to pretend that nothing changed in my life the moment we got the deal, that you didn't shake my floor from the first moment." she was thankful that they are practically alone in the park because she was embarrassing herself. "i tried to do what i thought was best for me and i was wrong, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry." she swallowed hard trying to undo the lump in her throat. "i understand that i hurted you, that i was an idiot, but i want you." she assured. "i need you." she added. "and i don't know how to make you see that."

"do you love me?" she finally dared to face her.

"serim." she diverted her attention to something off to the side, blocking herself completely.

"serim, what?" she bit down hard. "that's what i need." she confirmed. "if you can tell me to my face that you love me, then i'm willing to take the time to work out everything bad that happened between us." she asked. "if you tell me that you love me, i'll leave it in the past."

"i adore you with all my heart." she closed her eyes as if that could make that moment less real.

"but it's not enough."

"no, it's not that." she held her arms so she wouldn't pull away. "it's complicated." tears began to stain her cheeks. "i care for you so much..."

"why is it so hard for you to say you love me?" there was disappointment in her eyes. "don't you feel it?"

"it's not that i don't feel it..."

"then what is it?" she became defensive.

"it's complicated." she reiterated. "it's difficult." she said in a defeated attitude. "this all happened under peculiar circumstances and-"

"then it's difficult for me to forgive you." she cut her off.

serim raised her hands to remove the hold the younger girl had on her and started walking with speed back to her house. jimin watched her walk away, but wouldn't let her go, she ran out after her, catching her, making them face each other. she lifted serim's hand, bringing it to her lips to give it a short kiss while their eyes were connected, thus then grabbing her waist and pulling her close enough that she could rest her forehead against hers just by folding her body a little forward.

"make a wish." she murmured.

"can you leave me alone?"

"if you say it out loud it doesn't come true." she shook her head.

serim dropped her eyelids, a little because she no longer had the strength to argue or resist the questionable things jimin did, and a little because she wanted to stop the approaching crying, karina copied the actions when she saw her do it. after a moment they both, still with their heads against each other, looked at each other again, ruefully and wearily.

"you won't tell me what it is this time?" the blackhaired inquired.

"you said it." she whispered. "if i tell you it won't come true."

—that you can accept that you love me. —thought serim.

"i asked for you to let me go make cookies at your house."

"i can't believe it." she broke off suddenly. "are you serious?" she shouted at her upset.

"i know we just fought, but we always fight." she tried to reason, seriousness of the moment all gone. "i haven't seen you in two months, i just want to spend time with you." she pleaded. "get mad at me later, but don't leave now." she added. "please, stop leaving."

serim hated herself for how aware she was that no matter how angry she got with jimin, for whatever reason, she always came back to her. "if you say it out loud it doesn't come true." she reiterated bitterly as she realized how pathetic she was.

"but you miss me too."

"let's go." she commanded, causing the younger girl to cheer. "but no joy." she pointed her finger at her apprehensively. "i'm too upset with you." she reminded. "these are going to be the saddest cookies you'll ever eat in your life."

[fairyniceyeah]

💎 All 13 parts of my heart (Part 4/5)

Title from 1 to 13 (SEVENTEEN)

All 13 parts of my heart I Part Two Part Three

Summary: “Carats often describe you as being very close, some even say Nobody loves SEVENTEEN as much as SEVENTEEN does. Why do you suppose that is so?”, the interviewer asked.

CW: fighting

Whumpee: OT13

At the interview company the next day a new problem made itself known. 

Seungcheol had barely slept all night, tossing and turning, worried for his members and the interview. He was so so scared of what the day would bring, afraid that the group was actually falling apart. How long was it until somebody said something they would regret and could not take back? How long until insults were spat that could not be forgiven? How long until a member wanted out? 

For now Seungcheol could only helplessly watch how the team had split itself into four little groups that somehow got along within each group but seemed to be unable to control their disdain for the others. Well, at least three of four groups.

The first group had built itself around Seokmin and Minghao. The four of them were lounging on a sofa in the corner of the waiting room of the studio where they were set to film. Vernon, while he was still quiet and withdrawn, seemingly was touched by their care and was now hanging out with them. It was better than him being alone, Seungcheol supposed. To his surprise Wonwoo had joined their group but apparently Vernon had forgiven him? 

Jun and Dino were on their own, no surprise there. Both of them tended to stick to one person most of the time and Jun was probably helping Dino’s insecurities of being alone in this case, while Dino reassured Jun of his place in the group. It was toxic for the rest but helpful for them.

Who had not forgiven Wonwoo, was Mingyu, who had built his own front with Seungkwan and Jeonghan. Seungcheol didn’t know how that had happened either but he was more than unhappy about it and he could help but keep glancing at them, sitting at the other side of the room on floor mats, Seungkwan laying with his head in Jeonghan’s lap.

Seungcheol couldn't help but miss Jeonghan at his side and just two days ago Jeonghan had sat like that with Joshua. Now both of them wouldn’t look at each other. Seungkwan and Mingyu needed a hyung, yes, but was Jeonghan in his anger really the right idea?

Seungcheol, Joshua and Hoshi had become their own group without any of their own intent. They were just the ones mostly uninvolved in the fighting, reluctantly joined by a lonely Woozi who seemed to have sought out the least drama. 

But these groups meant that the seating chart from yesterday was moot. So, in a fit of desperation, Hoshi, Joshua and Seungcheol stared at Hoshi’s phone minutes trying to change things before the interview was set to take place, while Jun, Dino and Woozi were still getting their make-up done.

“What if we put them together in the groups?”, Hoshi asked, glancing at them, “separated by us, uh, neutral ones? I hate to put Jihoonie in the middle of it all but if we … hold on.”

He scribbled onto his note app, showing the result to the other two. Seungcheol nodded slowly, agreeing with his idea. Jeonghan and Seungkwan in the back, with Mingyu sitting in front of them were separated from Jun and Dino in the back by Seungcheol and in the front by Hoshi and Woozi from Wonwoo, Minghao and Vernon. Joshua would then separate Dino and Seokmin, also in the back, from each other. It wasn’t ideal with Dino diagonally behind Minghao but it would have to do.

Joshua sighed and said: “Let’s switch Junnie and Dino. I don’t want Dino and Seokmin too close to each other. There is only so much I can do and over there you are at least two. Also, let’s switch Hannie and Seungkwannie and uh, no, don’t. It’s fine like that.”

“Good idea!”, Hoshi agreed, but winced when he saw why Joshua had interrupted himself. Seungcheol bit his lip, hating that he and Jeonghan were to be separated. Over the years it had come natural to the members to place him and Jeonghan together when possible, but now with him and Jeonghan fighting it would be easier to just have Seungcheol buffer Seungkwan and Dino on his own instead of having Jeonghan next to him to keep Dino and Seungkwan further away from each other.

“It has to work. I am lost on any other ideas”, he said weakly.

Hoshi handed the phone to Seungcheol, who had no choice but to rush over to the managers. “Jisu-noona”, he called, bowing his head, “could we re-arrange the seating again? We have a better solution now.”

The manager looked at Seungcheol in disbelief. “You are … you aren’t kidding. I’m sorry, we can’t. We already turned the seating arrangement in to the director. We can’t change anything now.”

“Damn”, Seungcheol cursed. “Yeah, yeah, okay. We will have to make do.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Make sure you do, S.Coups-ssi.”

💎

The tears Seungcheol had tried to push away the past days were about to spill over. The interview had gone surprisingly fine until that point, he supposed. The tension wasn’t as obvious as they had feared. But then it all went downhill so fast he didn’t even have time to think about how to stop it.

“Carats often describe you as being very close, some even say Nobody loves SEVENTEEN as much as SEVENTEEN does. Why do you suppose that is so?”, the interviewer asked.

An embarrassing silence followed, drawn out by the collective group not meeting each other’s eyes. Seungcheol felt himself flush, body going hot as he felt shame creep up. But what was he to say? He wasn’t sure if a lie could cover the issues now.

Finally Jeonghan cleared his throat… and made it worse. “We are like a family”, he said, pointedly looking at all members, “and we love each other very much. Of course there are times we don’t agree and fight over stupid things but at the end of the day, we truly are more like a family than friends or colleagues.”

Seungcheol closed his eyes, already knowing the drama that would unfold. Why would Jeonghan choose now of all times to try to mediate between the members? He knew it was an idea to make the group agree and remember their love for each other but right now it was more like forcing them to reveal their troubles to the public. It was just plain stupid and the company would have to pay off the interview company a lot for damage control. Jeonghan meant well but he was too deep in his quest to make everything sunshine and rainbows.

“Stupid things?”, Dino muttered under his breath, loud enough that it was obvious he intended for Jeonghan to hear.

Jeonghan shot him a glare. “Yeah, stupid things. We are all vastly different people, of course we are going to react to things differently or have different opinions.”

“Stop, Hannie. Stop”, Seungcheol pleaded, feeling everything spiral out of control. The interviewer was watching them with eyes as wide as saucers and the cameramen were looking away, seeming very uncomfortable. Their managers at the back were glaring at Seungcheol, Hoshi and Woozi. But it was too late.

“Good talk”, Minghao cut in, completely ignoring Seungcheol and leaning forward so he could look at the two at the other end of the group. “So you have never shouted at members because they were doing their own thing and you felt disturbed by their mere presence? You have never fought over stupid things? You are a lying hypocrite, hyung.”

“Don’t talk to me this way, Xu Minghao”, Jeonghan spat back, “stop riding on your high horse. You have fought too. We all have done things we aren’t proud of. That doesn’t mean we can’t apologize and forgive.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t apologize”, Dino repeated mockingly, “when is anybody going to apologize for treating me like shit and making me do chores because I’m the maknae? When are you guys going to stop doing things without me because Dino is the youngest, just a baby?”

“Not everybody can be - what do they call it? - maknae on top. At least you weren’t dumped for a dinner date because you were working hard”, Seungkwan yelled, jumping up. “Do you know how it feels to be one of the best vocalists in the industry and still you don’t get stage front and center because you are singing high backing vocals? It must be so hard to be in the middle with all the fans' eyes on you, dancing and …”

“Oh, shut up, Seungkwan”, Jun interrupted, his tone mocking, “it must be so hard to have fans praise your vocals and actually get lines!”

“It’s not Seungkwan’s choice who gets which lines, you idiot”, Mingyu called.

Seungcheol felt Woozi shrink into himself beside him but before he could react, Hoshi jumped up and turned around to face the group. The unintentional side jab at his uninvolved best friend must have been the breaking point for him.

“Stop it! I have enough! You are all acting like kindergarteners and I am sick of it. Hyung said it, we are family, but I am slowly beginning to stop believing this. Where is the love we have for each other? You are embarrassing us all with your fights. Maybe we should start calling ourselves Sixteen because the One team is utter bullshit!”

Hoshi turned back to the cameras and bowed. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. Please forgive us.” Then he stormed off.

The interviewer just slowly nodded, his mouth half open. He had not expected his simple question to escalate like this and how could he have? They were known as a group who was very close. For fucks’s sake, the basically shared parents, were closer to each other than to their own siblings at this point.

Seungcheol, feeling like he was trapped in a nightmare, stood up slowly and also bowed. He hated his leader title more than he ever had but he knew he needed to damage control first and foremost. “I’m very sorry too. We are … going through a hard time right now. We would be very grateful if you would delete those scenes…”

He wanted to continue but was interrupted by Manager Hyunseok, who was red in the face and more angry that Seungcheol had ever seen him.

“S.Coups-ssi, stop. Take the group backstage and handle this. Now. I don’t care how you do it but I don’t want to see you all again until you have managed to overcome this. I expect you to write an apology to the interview company and to HYBE. I am deeply disappointed by you all”, he spat. “I don’t trust you to handle anything else right now.”

Ashamed, Seungcheol stared at his shoes and bowed deeply. He had truly fucked up as leader.

“Let’s go”, he hissed through clenched teeth, pointing the group at the backstage area. It was time to set an end to this. It had gone on for far too long.

Slowly they all shuffled out, some looking angry, some close to tears.

💎

“Well, this sucked”, Jeonghan surmised in a dead pan as he pushed open the door to the waiting room. Irony seemed to be his defense at this point, a way to protect himself. Seungcheol knew there was deep hurt below the cold exterior.

“No shit”, Dino agreed darkly. 

They filtered into the room in deep silence, none of them knowing what to say. And what was there to say? The fights had completely escalated and become too public for any of their likes. If the interviewer or any of the staff said anything to the wrong person their careers might be over. They were lucky if the interviewer’s company didn’t manipulate HYBE into debt to pay off their silence.

As Seungcheol closed the door behind himself he saw that Hoshi was pacing up and down the waiting room’s length. His heart felt a little lighter knowing where the younger member was. Seeing him storm off like that and not knowing where he was …

“Hyung”, Hoshi called, glancing over his shoulder, “oh my god, hyung, I am so sorry, I …”

The dance leader whirled around to rush to their leader, apologetic. In his haste he didn’t notice that Seungkwan, who had been closest to him, was opening his water bottle and collided with him. Water sprayed everywhere, soaking both of them in it.

“Hyung”, Seungkwan yelled in shock, his face and hair positively dripping. “Can you stop being so clumsy? You are worse than Mingyu-hyung!”

“I …”, Hoshi started but Mingyu cut in, exploding: “No! Enough! I am tired of you all making jokes about how clumsy I am. Haha, funny. I get it. Big bumbling idiot or whatever. At least he’s pretty. I am so done with these jokes!” Apparently he had reached his end too, now that everything had escalated. 

“Well, if it bothered you that much you should have said something”, Wonwoo, surprisingly, replied loudly.

None of the members seemed to be even close to wanting to talk about their issues, instead choosing to lash out now that the volcano had erupted. Family had turned into enemies.

It’s too late. They were broken. Was there enough gold to fill the cracks in the china plate to repair it now?

Seungcheol took a step back, as the group started taking steps forwards. It was so out of control. Where was the love they shared, the kindness they shared? If one had asked a few days ago if he believed his member capable of actual physical fights he would have laughed and told them that that wouldn’t happen. Right now he was afraid that fists would start flying any second. The room had become a battlefield of insults and wounded pride.

The voices went louder and louder, rising like a wave that swallowed them all. The angry faces, the anger and hate in their voices. It felt like slow motion, a nightmare. And Seungcheol was helpless to watch as they fell apart. 

Seungkwan, still dripping, was up in Mingyu’s face, on his tiptoes while Jun’s grip on Jeonghan was a bit too tight for comfort. Vernon was red in the face, Minghao was so angry. Dino had his hands raised as he and Seokmin yelled at each other. Wonwoo was glowering at them all, giving dry, harsh comments, lashing out for once. A cacophony of voices blended into each other, making words ununderstandable.

Joshua and Hoshi were in the middle of it all, trying to break it up. As Hoshi darted around and physically placed himself between fighting parties, Joshua was patting back and whispering calming words, trying to pull members away from fights. All the while Seungcheol was frozen in place. Nothing would be able to stop them now.

And yet, a tiny sound did. It wasn’t loud, it wasn’t dramatic.

Just a small gasp, nearly swallowed by the raised voices. But it made Seungcheol’s blood run cold. The members froze, turned, horror on all their faces. 

Stumbled a few steps behind Seungcheol stood Woozi, tiny in relation to the angry mob of members.

And he was crying.

Part Five: Scheduled for 06.01

Preview: “What if we aren’t strong enough to weather this storm?”

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - SEVENTEEN

[rinnysmuses]

I'm going to get my shower]

[skwivr]

-

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[valvesoftware]

breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh

[lesbiansanemi]

I'm so tired

[hyrulesfav]

♟️🐈‍⬛ is so perfect to me because they just. Get. each other. also they come into the relationship with kids who aren't their kids but one of them is basically their kid so they fall asleep watching bluey or blues clues a lot

[jemmo]

.

[einaudis]

.

[fourspiceblend]

It's funny cause for the most part of the game, I didn't really care about people's criticisms of Engage's writing and thought they were just mad the story was straightforward and didn't try to be overly complex... But now that I'm (finally) reaching the endgame, there's a loooot of weird plotholes that 3H would be jealous of lol.