#i just want friends and i wanna cry about my hyperfixation to people who get it is that too much to ask

[sunbratz]

no but genuinely where are yall hiding. where are the mtalocalypse discord servers. i have nothing good to contribute but im kind of funny sometimes (i am batting my eyelashes at you) ((yall are all so cool let me be friends with you))

[softxsuki]

hi!! id like to make an urgent request please :)

tw !! mention of self harm / new sh wounds , mention of a blade

if you’re alright with it, id like to request a (romantic) hawks x gn!reader where hawks walks in on reader relapsing.

ive recently grown more and more stressed and tired lately, like my energy is constantly being drained and no matter how hard i try im not enough to stop it. and i wanna reach out for help cause i know i have friends who care about me but i just cant for some reason—i dont feel the need to ask for help cause i just dont think i deserve it. no matter how many times ill comfort others i was never strong enough to ask for the same comfort, and instead of going to someone and talking about it i turn to my blade.

hawks is a big comfort character of mine and my current hyperfix, and as embarassing as it is—reading comfort fanfics of him is a way of coping with it all. so id gladly appreciate if you could write this for me :) ++ if possible, id love if youd be able to include hawks cleaning reader’s cuts, cleaning them bringd me a sense of comfort and id love to see that in the fic.

but if you’re uncomfy about anything at all, no worries ! you dont have to write this if you dont wanna :) have a lovely day<3

Hawks Comforting Reader After They Self-Harm

please do not read if any kind of mentions of self-harm will do you more harm than good!

Pairing: Hawks x Gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of self harm, blade, blood, scars

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 750

Summary: In which your BF Hawks catches you self harming and cleans up your fresh cuts

[A/N: Hey hey, so sorry for taking so long to write this, I know it was urgent. I just happened to get sick randomly and couldn't focus to write. But I finally got this done for you! I hope you're still around to read it </3. Hopefully it provides you with some comfort. Always go to others for help before taking matters into your own hands. Even if you feel like you can't, I'm sure the people in your life would love to help you out <3 I'm here too if you ever need anything! Enjoy!]

You look back and forth between the bloody mess in front of you to the panicked face of Keigo who had walked in on you. 

He was supposed to be gone for the whole day, patrolling his designated area until later that evening. Who knew he’d stop by to check in on you, hoping to have lunch together before continuing his patrol duties. Yet, coming home to you hovering over the bathroom sink with blood dripping from your delicate skin was not what he expected at all.

Of course he knew about your history with self-harm and could very clearly see all your past scars on your body, but he never expected to see you actively harm yourself in front of him. 

“Y/N…” He starts cautiously, eyeing the blade in your hands as you shake with regret.

“I’m sorry,” you cry, dropping the blade in the sink and moving your bleeding wrists away from his view, but he quickly closes the space between you.

Gentle hands grab your own and inspect the damage done. He rolls up the sleeves of his hero suit and gets to work on cleaning you up. With a clean towel he dabs the blood away, applying slight pressure to help stop the bleeding a little, whispering an apology whenever you flinch from the pain. 

He’s silent; contemplating how he let it get this far. He was a hero for crying out loud and the one person he wanted to keep safe the most out of everyone else in the world, managed to get harmed while he was away. He was angry and frustrated at himself that he couldn’t prevent the fresh cuts on your arms. All those nights he kissed your scars and whispered sweet promises of love and protection were all for nothing. Why couldn’t he be more useful to you?

“Keigo, I didn’t mea-” you start, but he quickly cuts you off as he finishes applying the bandage wrap to your wrist.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I should have known something was off, I should have paid more attention and been around to help instead of being out. I’m sorry.”

He presses kisses to your bandaged wrist, just wishing that he could have the magical healing power that Recovery Girl’s kisses had. He wished he could kiss all your pain away and face it all himself in your stead. 

“No, no, this is all on me. You’re always there for me, telling me how much you love me and trying your best to encourage me and lift me up, but I always hold back,” you confess, snatching your arms away from him in guilt, “You’re so busy as it is saving everyone. I don’t want to add to your burdens with my own problems as well. I thought I could deal with it all alone, but I failed. I turned back to my blade because it was too much to bear on my own.”

He sighs, and this time brings you into his arms in an embrace, “That’s because we’re not meant to go through these things alone, babe. Even as a hero I don’t do things on my own either. I have a whole agency backing me up along with my other fellow heroes. No one can accomplish anything on their own without hurting themselves. So please let me be there for you to help you as much as you’ve helped me.”

Silent sobs escape your lips as he continues to hold you and speak.

“All those days when you held me after I failed to save someone. All those nights you patched me up after a mission and I stubbornly refused to go to a hospital; let me be there for you for all your tough times as well. Let me be the one to gather you up again and listen to all your worries, don’t fight your battles alone anymore. I promise you’re not a bother to me at all. I want to be there for you. It’s my job,” he reassures you. 

“All right,” you sniffle, finally wrapping your own arms around him, accepting his comfort.

He calls the agency afterwards, letting them know that he can’t come in for the rest of the day and instead spends his time with you. Listening intently to everything that’s been bubbling up in your heart, right by your side, wiping your tears away and giving you his unconditional support and love. He’s definitely making sure you don’t deal with things on your own anymore :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted 3/5/2023

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Heya! I sent in a matchup request before but I kinda rambled off in it (and I think I was on anon too-) so imma try again and be less ramble-y 😅

For Hazbin Hotel please!

-------------

Gender/Pronouns: She/They AFAB

Sexuality: Asexual, questioning-aromantic who would date men/masc

Age: 25

Appearance: 5'11 White Australian with pale as fuck skin, blue eyes with dark bags under them, half my head is shaved the other half long, currently dyed red hair but it changes once it washes out and I get bored of my natural blonde. Slightly chubby belly with average breasts I wanna remove completely 👍

MBTI: INFP-T

Mental Additives: I have autism, clinical depression, clinical anxiety, PTSD and lowkey a hypochondriac.

Personality: I'm told I'm open-minded and easy to get along with. I am also a completely open book who talks about 98% of things I have been through; including trauma and random factoids I have learnt.

I smile all the time, even when crying I find myself smiling sometimes. All I want is for the people I care about to be happy; and I don't always include myself in that list but I've been getting better at doing so!

I don't have a job but I am slowly looking. I think I've just gotten used to not having a job or going to school? It's boring and mind numbing, but the last job I had gave me anxiety attacks. Doesn't help I have no ambitions in life. Except for whatever hyperfixation I'm on!

Yet I also verbally yet playfully threaten violence on friends, but if need be I can't ever throw a punch. I diffuse situations with words and pacifist action (like leaving). But I will use my height and build to be threatening to protect a friend, despite knowing that I can't defend myself. I also break into tears if I feel like I said the wrong thing to a friend or family member. I'm not as scary as I sometimes look or act.

Imma list off words that remind me of my personality since idk how else to explain myself: Helpful, imaginative, leisurely, loyal, protective, self-critical, absentminded, touch-starved, irritable (prob the anxiety talking hopefully), unable to flirt or recognise flirting, quirky, anxioussss!, logical thinker.

Likes: True crime, reading/writing fanfic, my cat, my five birds, my two fish!, I want reptile pets, random facts, the cold (jumper weather), playing all types of video games, watching YouTube, thunderstorms, chocolate, soft drinks, my lil brother, my OC that I shape into whatever fixation I'm on!

Dislikes: Having writers block, drinking alcohol, smelling cigarettes/weed, being called lazy, being compared to others, the heat (remove my skin), drinking water, my lil brother (when he's in mean mode), racists, terfs, literally all dumbasses who think they're better than everyone, routines.

Hi, I love you! I hope you enjoy this! I want everyone to know that this bean is an amazing Mutual, and you should all check them out! Okay, okay, now to the show!

~~~~~ MATCHUPS ~~~~~

HAZBIN HOTEL

Alastor

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Alastor really doesn't care for people in general. If you aren't one of the few he deems good enough, stay out of his way.

That's why he was thrown for a loop when you came along. Is someone so kind and genuine not being scared of him? Who do you think you are?

Alastor is very protective, and though it may take ages to realize he has feelings, he will firmly defend and protect you.

When you and Niffty are hanging out, he feels so proud and almost giddy, an emotion he only feels when murdering normally.

When you fought the Angels, he was in awe of you. Though you needed training from Vaggie, you were fierce and ready to do whatever you could to save your friends.

The first time he snapped at you, he felt horrible, and when you started crying, he was practically a dead man, times two. He spent weeks trying to apologize and make it up to you.

He isn't big on touching or affection, but he shows you he cares in his own way. He is always opening the door for you, cooking for you, and taking you to special events or places.

He supports all your hobbies and interests and even tries to help you find new things to enjoy. This way, when he is busy doing whatever he has to, you are entertained until he returns.

He loves just having lazy days with you in the Radio Tower. There, he can work on his master plans, and you can do whatever to your heart's content.

When he finally accepts he has stronger feelings for you than his regular crew of Mimzy, Rosie, and Niffty, he asks the girls what's happening to him.

They collectively help him confess to you, and when they find out that you two are a lot more similar than they thought, they are thrilled for you two now that you guys have found your person.

If you ever mention physical touch or intimacy with him, he will allow it, but only if you are comfortable with it. Do not force yourself to think it's the right thing to do unless you 100% want it to.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

You had been working with Niffty on a surprise for Alastor. He had been working hard to take down the Vees and especially hard to piss off Vox after a particularly vile comment he made about you. Niffty was out collecting the materials while you were researching how to make a cape, crown, and scepter. Once everything was rounded up and ready to go, you two got down to some serious work. Building your masterpiece for Alastor was moving along well, and you two couldn't wait to see his face.

Sneaking up to Alastors room, you set up the creation. While you were busy making it look perfect, Niffty distracted Alastor. However, Alastor knew that something was off as soon as you weren't downstairs ready to greet him. Making his way to your location, Niffty did her best to stall the tall man, but it was too late. Luckily, just before the door opened, you had set up the display. You remembered before the battle against the Angels that Niffty had dubbed Alastor 'King Roach'. Alastor was a king in your eyes, so you wanted to show him how you honestly thought of him.

There before Alastor stood a mannequin with a deep red cape adorned with blackthorns, a crown made of black cardboard and gold glitter glue, and lastly, a scepter made out of a large stick and one of Lucifer's rubber ducks that looked like Alastor. The man couldn't help but laugh at the creation in pure enjoyment. As he walked over to start putting on the new outfit, Niffty crawled up your shoulder and perched there waiting. Once King Alastor was officially crowned, he bent down and asked, "May I kiss you, my love?" You nodded gently, and all that was heard after the kiss was a 'blegh' sound from the tiny woman perched on your head.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(You had been sitting in the Radio Tower for hours and were ready for fun. However, Alastor was still trying to work.)

Y/N: Can we please do something else, Alastor?

Alastor: Dear, you are always more than welcome to do whatever you please. The most powerful demon lord is your partner.

Y/N: Noooo, Alastor, I wanna do something with you.

Alastor: Hmmmm, is that so, like what?

Y/N: uh uh uh....damn it! You can't put me on the spot like that, Alasor.

Alastor: Alright, alright, come on, let's go to Rosies for some tea and a break.

Y/N: Hell yeah! Field trip!

[arvadthecursed]

not to continue being an emotional bitch on main but I was thinking about The Last Unicorn (the film, mostly, as it was Baby's First Hyperfixation) and how it is a film about growth and grief, at its very core, and that's why it resonates so strongly.

At the end, the unicorn says, "I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, although I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret." And I wanna focus on those last lines.

There comes a time in all our lives, I think, where we experience that loss of innocence, and it feels like the first time it's happened in human history when it's happening to you.

This isn't a story I've told many people but I'll share it with you now. When I was 12, my grandmother, who I was extremely close to, died of cancer. It had spread to most of her body, including her lungs and brain. Her last days were spent in a hospital hooked up to a morphine drip.

The last time I saw her, it was in the hospital, and she was begging my father not to leave. We had to return to our home to pick up my mother for the impending funeral. And I just remember my grandmother crying out for my dad, telling him not to go, and I remember how utterly crushed I felt in that moment. Death was inevitable. I couldn't escape it, not when it was directly in front of me. At my grandmother's viewing, I could hardly look at her.

For years, I was severely thanatophobic. Death has always kind of hung over my life. My maternal grandmother, only a few months after I was born. My maternal grandfather, when we went to his apartment and found him dead. My grandmother's friend, who we found dead in his house. My grandmother herself.

That was over ten years ago. I've grown quite a bit, and I think working in a nursing home has given me a little more of a "unique" perspective, if you will. Death is just part of life. It happens. And sometimes, it is merciful.

But the grief remains. There are times I'm 12 again, and a scared little girl, watching my grandmother, who could hardly recognize anyone, cry for my dad not to go. I feel regret for not being able to look at her body at the viewing.

And even beyond death... I grieve the girl I lost to abusive boyfriends. I feel this lingering regret at the loss of my innocence, not that I could've stopped it. I think of the sweet little girl I was, and I want to cry for her, but I can't. All I can do is look to the future and try to grow and be better for her.

It's a human experience. We don't like to admit it, but grief is quintessentially human. When it happens to us, it feels like the first time it's happened in history.

And then we grow. We have to keep getting up, and going about our lives, and trying not to trip on our grief. It doesn't go away, but it tucks itself into a corner, where it'll catch us off guard when we least expect it. Then it goes back into hiding.

I think The Last Unicorn is a really beautiful example of all these ideas coming together. The unicorn must come to grips with the fact that she is not innocent anymore. She has grieved, she has loved, and she knows the bittersweetness of regret. Her journey is self discovery, but a tragic one, one that we all go through at one time or another. It's a film that still resonates deeply with me because the notion of grief and growth has always been present in my life.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Was just thinking about it quite a bit today.

[thedenofravenpuff]

My Current Thoughts on SAMS

Because I can’t help but look too deep into things often unnecessarily, and I’m a rambler of nature, here’s some of my thoughts on The Sun & Moon Show so far, just to get stuff off my chest

SPOILERS, assumptions and ideas ahead!

Warning, WALL OF TEXT and running on tangents. Did try to organize my thoughts somewhat..

So, we all upset about Lunar, yes? Well, besides those celebrating, you know who you are, I don’t care.

The Death Of Lunar So, Eclipse used Lunar as hostage on Monty, we saw that coming once Eclipse made the connection himself realizing that yeah, Monty doesn’t give a flying crap about anyone, not even himself. EXCEPT for Lunar, home he travelled through Hell for, gave them their own body, offered a place to stay when scared, offered support and genuine advice through the time knowing each other. Monty has a backup plan for everyone, even to kill Moon if needed, but would clear do ANYTHING for Lunar at this point.

To be honest, I liked that plot point. Lunar in danger to really show how far characters will go, Eclipse and Monty both, with highest stakes possible. 

Then they took it a step further and had Eclipse right out kill Lunar. And yeah, Eclipse made it clear times before how much resentment he holds for Lunar, which goes beyond just the betrayal but I’ll get more into that in a minute. 

What hit hardest here is the exact way the show writers and actors decided to take this. 

One of the most popular characters on the show, even with controversy around their existence a bit ago, taken out of the equation is one thing. They killed off characters before, (Eclipse, Blood Moon) and we seen them return. Another thing is... Lunar was taken out crying and begging for his life. 

Even though he insisted on his stance that Eclipse shouldn’t get the Newton Star, no matter the sacrifices necessary to keep him from it.. Lunar also made it clear, they don’t wanna die. They are still a young AI which lots to learn, making a new life to revolving around Eclipse. Lunar wanted to keep growing, family bonding, making friends.. That was all taken away by Eclipse lying and breaking his promise to Monty. 

Lunar, still more or less a child compared to the other animatronics, was taken out crying and begging. Afraid, scared for their very existence, facing their very worst nightmare and then... gone. Just like that. 

For those adoring Lunar, the fans relating to him, those who just hyperfixated on Lunar as their blorbo.. that’s ONE HECK of a way to kill of a robot child. 

Am I saying this is bad? Not really. Just... VERY impactful. As effective as that is for story writing... it feels awfully misplaced. This show is.. a silly video game channel.

Twists and Turns Of Story Telling I never minded the growing drama, I frigging loved it the more dramatic it got, calling it my “daily soaps”, my soap opera I cannot miss a single episode of! But I also get it when people started complaining about it becoming a bit TOO angsty and twisted, a bit too traumatic for the characters. What’s supposed to be silly jokes on a  silly comedy channel about playing video games, can no longer be viewed as such, the more serious their story arcs became. 

Moon is abusive and too socially incompetent to help anyone, Sun being the butt of jokes leaving him a sad husk in serious need of therapy, everyone’s a hypocrite, constantly dancing the lines between Murder Is Okay, Murder Is A Joke and If You Kill People You Can Never Be Forgiven. 

Earth was added just to have someone not being an arsehole, only an airhead, with enough social competence to actually offer genuine advice WITHOUT the baggage of committing the acts of putting Sun down one way or another, as everyone else has in the past. If she wasn’t introduced as their sister, I legit would have thought she was going to be ship bait with Sun just cuz  she’s the only one being genuine kind to him WITHOUT being a hypocrite or immediately using him for jokes again right after apologizing. 

The twist and turns of telling their story more and more dramatic and serious, the more it clash to the way they write their comedy and improve their jokes in the Let’s Plays or crossovers with the other channels. 

I’m not saying either one is bad, just that it doesn’t necessarily mix very well in the long run. Of course this divides the audience, who are either there for the drama, the characters and/or the light hearted Let’s Plays. Sure, yes, such CAN exist together, but not everyone can find the balance in that, both in creators and audience. 

The Death of Lunar II  Now I better get back to my original point. 

Lunar as a character and his death. Granted I have no doubt he’s going to be back, if the Twins can defy their own death, even if just hallucinations (although claiming to be regenerating their nano machines), so can one of the most popular characters too. 

But why did he have to die? Story wise, really just for dramatic effect I’m sure. Maybe writers going “Oh, you all mad about ‘too many characters’ on this show?? Let’s see how you feel about us KILLING THEM OFF!” just to make a statement, maybe not.

In-story though? In-character? Yeah.. Eclipse WOULD do that. Just like that. 

He said to Lunar how he loathed them even from the very beginning, he wanted them gone the first chance no longer needing them. They were just to replace Blood Moon, who went out of control and became a threat. 

Lunar was created to be obedient, easily dominated by Eclipse yet fearless enough to be a menace to others. To be Moon’s opposite, loving to play with kids, being happy and silly, curious about life rather than bitter. 

Eclipse hated Lunar for more than the betrayal later down the line, he hated them before that. 

Eclipse’s Choice In the past he claimed Lunar was created by recycling parts of himself he wanted rid of. Code infected by being in Sun’s body, Sun having a larger emotional range than Eclipse, his moments of happiness and his positivity. 

Eclipse CHOSE to be the way he was. He came into existence from the kill code Moon left behind in Sun’s body, an unintentional backup copy of Moon getting corrupted, growing, taking its time to evolve into a proper AI while stewing. Stewing on abandonment issues. 

Some of my most faved lines from Eclipse in the past:

Eclipse: “Oh, so I’m a child now?” Moon: “Yeah, because you act like one! For one, you got abandonment issues.” Eclipse: “I guess I do. But now, I all I have is anger.”

Eclipse: “Why did you leave me behind!!?”

Eclipse chose to stay bitter, focused on his anger, even when claiming to put petty revenge behind him, he stayed focused on being bitter and mean.

He removed anything happy from himself, to use it as base code for Lunar. 

He hated Lunar’s existence not because he needed someone so beneath him to complete his plans.. but because Lunar represents what he saw as weakness  within himself. He saw Sun and Moon as weak and unworthy because of their love, love for each other as much as their love for things they enjoyed to do. Moon wanting to “do better” than his original coding with the homicide code. 

Eclipse did reject being Kill Code himself, corrupted too much by the influence of Sun and Moon, becoming his own thing. He wanted to be above all, even his  supposed intended purpose. 

Lunar carried what he saw as his flaws. Seeing Lunar rebel and reject his teachings, joining Sun and Moon as brothers, making friends, finding things to love.. only a reminder of what Eclipse sought out to avoid himself from becoming. 

He only allows himself anger and disgust.

In the past we do see him enjoy messing with Sun and Moon, mocking them, finding joy in making Sun act out, making people distrust him by rambling about the joy of violence when in control. 

Once he and Lunar took over the channel, he seemed ever so disinterested in playing games with Lunar, even violent ones. He just wanted to work on getting the Star. Even now whenever we hear him laugh, it’s joyless. He didn’t celebrate killing Lunar, merely dusting off his hands, cleaning the board of his last mistake.

Lunar had to die due to the symbolism of what this means about Eclipse as a character.

The Death of Lunar III As much as Kill Code showed interest in changing for the better, Eclipse made it clear that’s not in the cards for him. Heck, if ever learning of KC’s change of heart would only make him more disgusted with him than he already is. 

Lunar was the part of himself he wanted rid of. Seeing others around him change through simple joys and disgusting acts of kindness, he ain’t changing chances. He killed that part of himself to avoid the fate of ‘inviting in weakness’.

That part was Lunar. 

Eclipse ain’t getting redemption, because he removed any such chance of change from himself long ago and then destroyed its embodiment. 

Yeah we got “Good Eclipse” from a different dimension, but he went through a different story with different choices, showing actual interests in joy and kindness. I imagine meeting his opposite self only pushed Eclipse further to wanting, needing, to kill Lunar no matter the outcome with the star. 

I like Eclipse as a villain for this very reason, even before he went this far. Unapologetically evil, he sees himself as the great outcome, the god of a new world. He want to make the world make sense the way HE sees it, without elements he sees as weakness. Ironically less of a hypocrite than everyone else, cuz he face up to what he is and make no excuses, while any time the others try to play the role as “good people” is often by downplaying or full on ignoring their own mistakes made. 

The short of it But yeah, just.. some of my thoughts on this whole thing. 

Am I reading too much into things? Most definitely I got NO CLUE what kind of thought process goes into the writing of these story arcs and how much happens purely from random improve that force changes to the ongoing story. 

Is why I enjoy watching the show still, even as people start finding fault with it, as it jumps more and more sharks. 

Is crazy mess and I enjoy it, even with its flaws. 

tl;dr Lunar’s death was coming because to Eclipse he represents the part of himself he wants dead: Joy, kindness, urge to evolve as a person rather than a machine.

Right choice story wise with how fans react? Eh, no clue, but I just look too deep into things.

Thank you for reading this far

[plasmasimagination]

Hi! I hope You’re doing well and I wanted to ask who you’d match me with from HSR, preferably the guys because ahhahdjsbdks my pfp, but ignore jingy rn I want your true and honest opinion. (I don’t mind a female suggestion either)

I’m going to really try and keep this short (I feel like I will fail this as I literally over-explain everything—) but don’t feel pressured at all to reply to this or anything! (I kinda feel i alr did this but im forgetful too help-)

A quick summary:

I’m afab, like 160cm(5’2? With chest which I hate because I want the dark academia dressing style (i dont have money)), she/they, libra, INFP, I’m sorry, I haven’t really had the hyperfixation on sun moon and rising and well astrology stuff tbh 😭

My personality (a mess im so sorry):

Well, I don’t think I could tell you. What I know of myself is that I try to be honest, I am loyal to my friends and probably obsessive when someone shows me interest and i dont know- (there’s some mental disorders going around, along a suspicion of autism) Personally I see myself as a shy annoying brat, while in reality I don’t ever initiate conversation and never know what to say unless it’s about a hyperfixation or something—AGAIN I OVEREXPLAIN EVERYTHING. My mouth doesn’t work as well as I’d like to, I cry too much (imo) I’m sensitive to well a lot, I get overstimulated quickly depending on the situation and um well I’m a picky eater I guess.

RAHHH I LOVE FOOD. And I’m chubby. I’m VERY self conscious and messy (which I’m sure you’ve noticed if you got this far)

Fun fact! If i were to live alone (still living with parents because house market is hell) I’d probably forget to eat a lot/overeat even more than I already do. Why? Because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel a limit to my ‘hunger’ and I don’t even really think I feel hungry at times.

Also, I hate to be perceived by people. It makes me feel like… too much alive. I don’t really feel a connection between my mind and my body, like someone sees my body and I’m just: THAT AINT ME YALL PLEASE IT AINT MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭 but id never say that bc again, my mouth doesn’t work.

I think I’m pretty useless at a lot too, but I don’t mean for this to be a traumadump thingy, which I also don’t realise when I should stop or not like RIGHT NOW I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP (the doubt is real, I’m so sorry—)

LAST THING!

I’m a Jing Yuan simp, obviously, name and all, but I also firmly believe we wouldn’t be good together? Like he’d be great for me. But what would I bring to him? Besides messy thoughts and nothing?… Which is literally nothing. I want to be someone he could properly rely on and not just a hopeless random girlypop who stops processing information after something becomes a bit too much mentally.

I have my serious moments, which will for most part go unnoticed online, but it’s not like I’m inherently useful or whatever. I feel like I’m really lacking in lots of aspects, and yes I’m aware I’m not ‘old’ yet, but my thoughts eat me alive and I won’t be surprised if I well blablah me me me I hate talking about me. Nothing bad even happened I’m just weird at this point, apologies! (Im a mess, my mind is still that 12 year old kid who just wanted a good hug from her mom and a good chat with her mom without all the school and later college problems aghh I wanna be 5 again.)

ANYWAYS if you made it this far, kudos to your determination anddd i hope you stay hydrated! And eat well. Health before anything.

I FAILED TO KEEP IT SHORT. Sorry I- AAAA that’s how my brain is.

Good god jingsnuggler you're Litteraly the best request I've had in my inbox- (IM SORRY MY OTHER CUTIEPIES DONT GET JEALOUS)

And I also was scrolling from like bottom to top to write some request and saw your pfp and was like "wait didn't I just recently get another one of them?" And I was right >:} You really did stay in my memory HSHSHS anyways anyways not tryna chit chat too long since we know why you're here, and I'll use both of your submits to give you the perfect match...

Drumrolls please....

🥁🥁🥁

.

.

.

JING YUAN!

WAIT ! LISTEN IM NOT BIASED.

I genuinely with all of my heart think that you guys would be perfect like no joke

He would balance you out, just fine.

He's a gentle soul, and would find you very amusing and enjoy being around you

Your talkative and bubbly nature would soothe his soul and calm him even.

Sensitive personality? Don't worry Jing yuan will pat your head and tell you it's fine

Forget to eat? Jing yuan will take note of it. And make sure you never forget. Ever

Okay enough of fluff you said you don't think you have anything to offer for him while I strongly disagree

I think Jing yuan needs someone who can keep him entertained, someone that can talk to him, he's a lonely man believe it or not, he doesn't really interact much with plp other than Yanqing, and between you and me Yanqing is boring af

So he'll greatly appreciate having a small birdie on his shoulder that will tell him all that they think , after hours of doing general work all he would need is to have someone talk to him about some casual stuff and random thoughts, yk?

I also think he would turn to you in case of a crisis, sometimes just come home to you and lay down to cuddle with you, it comforts him somewhat, youre like his stress reliever, hes usually very reserved and calm with other people, but with you..it's so different

To him you're like a fresh breath of air, like just a slap to the face to wake him up, you keep him from going freaking insane

I don't think Jing yuan is usually fit for people with a personality of like blade or Dan Heng (just an example of personality I am no shipper nor anti shipper don't shoot me)

Like ...yeah I guess they can be friends but like...Jing yuan wouldn't click with them? I don't know how to explain it but jing yuan needs someone lively and like all over the place, so he can take time to slowly organize you and your thoughts in his mind.

Phew that's all from me, sending lots of hugs and loves I hope to see you around on my blog since you're a small blessing on my acc (≧◡≦) ♡

[dominijoyce]

"Are you crying? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, I just- I have always dreamed of this opportunity and lost hope in it and yet- And yet, here you are."

Idea inspired by @starplatinumgold in which Fugo is a gorgon who went all of his life scared of hurting others and Giorno is a living stone statue and therefore immune to his deadly sight giving his lover the opportunity to be this close to someone without worry of doing them harm.

Also if you are interested, I included some of my ideas of other Vento Aureo characters in this Monster AU under the cut- Maybe someone might get inspired to produce something out of that, just how I did, heh.

Okay *cracks knuckles*

Vento Aureo Monster High AU (cause that's what happens when two completely different hyperfixations meet)

First things first, this AU doesn't take place in the high school itself, cause I don't wanna mess with character ages and etc. This AU (at least my version of it) doesn't involve mafia either, because I just imagine it as a simple Vento Aureo Simple Slice of Life shenanigans, but with monster twist (they deserve to not suffer at least once, heh)

The main idea for Fugo other than a gorgon is that he is specifically the child of Sthenno (was thinking of Euryale first, cause there is no canon child of her yet, but I think Sthenno fits him better)

The original poster that inspired this idea compared Giorno to a gargoyle but I don't think that fits him so he is a living statue, cause Araki based his design off of one. While they aren't connected in this AU, I also sorta got the inspiration from the myth of Galatea and Pygmalion which makes both Giorno and Fugo related to ancient myths ^-^ (also my friend pointed out that it also fits, because vampires are connected to Pillar Men - wasn't intentional, but also fun)

As for the rest of the main squad-

Bruno is a werewolf, but not because of the reasons that people might compare him to one (wolflike behaviors, leadership skills, sort of caretaking nature etc.), I mean those too, but I made him into one, because of a reason that only real true OG Monster High fans are able to connect :p

Leone is a banshee, because death follows him everywhere, heh. In all seriousness I just think it fits him and his aesthetic and also I have seen multiple reinterpretations of him as a ghost and I wanted to be sort of "original" (banshees *are* ghosts in MH, I know, but they are like weird and not full type of ghosts so *shrug*)

Narancia is a steam robot, who is a "failed prototype" of his creator, that was thrown away. He malfunctions quite often or even completely shuts off due to various issues with his design, quite often forced to replace his parts with any new ones he manages to find (can't exactly afford to buy new ones yet or do a full repair). Also he has a jetpack, a radar similar to his Stand and his shoes can switch to roller-skates.

Mista is a black werecat, because I honestly have no idea what else could fit him tbh. His main gimmick is luck and unluck, where he is superstitious about every little thing (not only fours) that could bring unluck - sometimes including himself, even when others reassure him there's no way he brings anyone bad luck with just existing. He is still paranoic though.

Lastly, Trish is a hybrid monster, because I fell in love with this concept back when it was introduced and I firmly believe we need more of that. She is a sea monster and boogeyman hybrid. Sea monster cause she grew up on the coast and boogeyman cause Diavolo ofc, but also I think it is funny cause in canon MH boogeymen hate being the center of attention and use shadows or shapeshifting to always be out of spotlight, while I imagine Trish would be the opposite of that and always strive to be the brightest star in a room. Sea monster also fits, because some of those underwater weirdos (like octopi among others) can manipulate their shape to such a high degree and fit into such narrow spaces and that kinda reminds me of her Stand.

If you read all of this, thanks for being interested in my random rambles and ideas and hope you like them. Maybe I will come up with more (was considering Part 6 Protagonists as Monsters, but not many ideas yet), but for now have these funky creatures!

[nosongunsung11]

tagged by @courfeyracs-swordcane 💛💛

Share your wallpaper: I have a few that I rotate though but right now my lockscreen is this coolass drawing of me by @bigjigglyclownboobies

and my homescreen is this really cute drawing of some of our friend group’s oc collection by @courfeyracs-swordcane

last song you listened to: I'm tolerably sure it was Portrait of a Blank Slate by Lovejoy but it could be anything off their latest album I had it on loop

currently reading: I just finished re-reading A Man Called Ove!! if you're reading this and you trust me literally go download or get it from your library right this instant ask no questions look at exactly nothing else about it i am begging you i promise it's so good and it will mak eyou weep real tears. please

last movie you watched: uh. hm. PUSS IN BOOTS THE LAST WISH. THAT WAS IT. damn good movie holy shit

craving: garlic bread. mmmmmmmmmmm

what are you wearing right now: one of my pyramid scheme dresses. dark blue and floral and it has pockets!!!!! also my friendship bracelets

how tall are you: 5'2 :(

piercings: no but I want ear piercings at least

tattoos: also no but it's only a matter of time

glasses? contacts?: glasses!

last drink: water as the lord intended i am staying so hydrated

last show: gintama!!!! i'm 51 episodes into my rewatch i love this stupid show so much. it's so dumb why does it make me cry

favorite color: blue!!!!

current obsession: hm. kind of between hyperfixations rn. the trigun fixation is tapering out and nothing's really replaced it yet. right now i'm mostly actively interested in dracula daily, gintama, and trigun i think

unrelated obsession: transformers is going to be living rent-free in my head forever i think. accidentally made that one permanent

any pets: I WISH

do you have a crush on anyone: uh. i (arospec as hell) don't know how to answer this either. i am. experiencing some kind of attraction for a few people??? i guess????? y'all know who you are <3<3<3

favorite fictional characters: from media, uh. Megatron, Rung, Kaladin Stormblessed, Sakata Gintoki, c!Philza, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, and Rivers Javier (Blaseball). also i'm with teddy on Blorbo from Me and My Buddies' Brains

last place you travelled: Zion National Park!!

uh. tags. teddy got most of my guys but @klqrambles @frosteee-variation @lycanthian @bigjigglyclownboobies @bramblemantle if y'all wanna! and anyone who sees this who I didn't tag is more than welcome to continue the chain from me anyway :P

[xxmoonch1ldxx]

I'm so grateful for this community, for the amount of nice people there are here and how accepting everyone is, but I've got to say, there's one thing I'm most grateful of.

This is just a long emotional rant so skip this if you wish, but I need to let it out my chest.

I've been going through a bad depressive episode; so much so that I even started taking meds for it. It started getting a little better, the meds were finally working a little and that's when I encountered Smosh.

I didn't imagine I'd ever fall this deep. I've had hypergixations before, dozens, but never in this way, and I didn't imagine it'd be about them. It was a complete accident, me stumbling on the we bought smosh video and just being curious.

Not for the first time, this new hyperfixations on two grown men with an adorable friendship made me want to write because everything is gay and that's because I decided so. Therefore, as I often do, I started writing a little on this new hyperfixation. Usually, I just end up giving up or writing a few fics before going back to my two other main fandoms (monsta x and bts, for those wondering). However, I decided that I needed help and a better opinion; I scrolled through the ianthony tag and fell on @lilac-hecox 's blog. She wasn't the first one I saw, but the one I felt compelled to write to, so I did. And I assumed she'd either blow me off or we'd just end up talking a bit before never talking again as this usually happens.

I wasn't ready to meet someone so fantastic and someone who I would very quickly deeply care about. I'm someone who hates texting consistently, who ends up panicking after a few days of thinking I got this and am socially capable because my social anxiety takes the reign. And yet, we started talking every day, of wayyyy more than just fics. And I found in her the kindest of soul, the most loving and funniest one. Someone who's not only amazing, but also, loves just like I do. And I don't mean romantically, I have a bf for that, but I mean someone who isn't afraid to be open and vulnerable if it means I also get to be with her. I'm someone like Ian usually, someone who looks anthipathic and who is a bit more stoic than most people, but with her, it's different. I laugh all the time and she's someone who literally heard me cry and comforted me while I did so. Which is a fucking miracle because I very rarely cry and hate showing the most vulnerable parts of me.

But she's always there, everyday, to make me laugh and talk. She's one of the kindest, most generous person I've ever met. She sent me a fucking box full of little things and American chocolate (I'm canadian) because I've said once I wanted to try. She bought us matching bracelets, one that I wear all the time and never take off. Hell, I'm getting a tattoo referencing her in two weeks.

And this is kinda crazy because we only started talking in August, but this feels right. I feel like I've known her all my life. And really, I say this in the most platonic of ways, but she truly is like my soulmate. She's one of the most talented writer I've ever met, too, and she helped me through that healing phase of mine. I've started writing a lot and posting, too, which I had stopped doing when I started being too depressed. She makes me believe that life is worth living and that there are genuinely good people around, still. She's not only kind to me but to others, too! Just in general, to everyone she knows, she's present and just so implicated in everything. She changed many people's life for the better with her job, too, without going into details, but that's amazing. She's the kind of person I wanna grow up to be when I'm at her age and she just aspires me to get better every day.

So I guess, all that to say, thank you to Smosh for allowing me to meet this gorgeous girl and establishing the ground of our friendship. Lilac is truly one of my best friends and someone who makes me feel alive in the best ways; I see her when the skies are orange, when I see kids playing in the street and having fun and in the stray cats wandering among my neighbourhood. I love you, dude, and I'm just so glad we met. Thank you for existing, really, because you make my life and a lot of others' better by simply being there and being your sunny self.

You're the Ian to my Anthony and the sun to my moon. I love you so much, pookie, and I'll never let you go. Promise one day we'll meet up for real <3

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

okay so i do kind of get that but i want their voices omg what i would do to be a tenor

i’m an alto but i have a natural deep voice anyway!!

i do actually like my voice and stuff i would just love to be able to play a dude PROPERLY

i played eugene in grease and so many of my lines got cut, and i couldn’t really be myself in the role because i was so focused on making it perfect

that’s why i wanna play crutchie or jesse tuck because i feel like i could truly be myself in those roles !! but roles i don’t know anything about make me feel even worse

i genuinely cried and purposefully missed cues when i was in grease because i hated my role that much

BUT IVE COME TO TERMS WITH IT!!

i also really wanna perform as crutchie so i can do letter from the refuge my friends all say that they love my cover of it and i can never get enough of him i literally hyperfixate on him so i could play him SO WELL

Sorry tangent on how awful i felt in grease x

i also happily play female roles but i like playing male roles cause i’m more masc presenting

rant all you want shawty!! i had similar experiences in my highschool theater class, we had one boy and like 14 girls(and then me lmao) and i was the only one with a wide enough vocal range to play both? so we did beauty and the beast one year, and that was the year we FINALLY had two boys, so they (of course) got gaston and beast. well, yours truly got lefou, but my (very christian) teacher made me wear a ton of makeup and almost made me wear a dress (argued my way outta that one) so i got to play a guy's part, but it was still an iffy experience because the rest of the cast was rly annoying abt it

anywhizzle

i was in a production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat last year, and i was one of josephs brothers along with another girl(who was The Most Annoying Person On The Planet istg) again because of the lack of boys

that theater had a better supply of guys but still not nearly enough

so i had like three singing lines, right? all pretty far down in my vocal range but i was proud of myself for being able to do it

and one of those lines the girl 'brother' (who insisted on wearing makeup and a dress for the production) spoke immediately after me, so how it went in rehearsals and even the actual shows:

me: says line

her: physically like SHOVES me aside to be CENTER F-ING STAGE which we werent supposed to do and says her line in the most annoying enthusiastic falsetto ive ever heard, and her line was something about starving😭😭

and im a soprano, and i can go weirdly low for a soprano but WHAT I WOULDNT GIVE TO BE A TENOR

j would give up my left leg and also my spleen if it meant i could be a tenor

like most of my dream theater roles are guys

and i would be happy to play a gal's part!! but like

only if its on my terms? like if audition for a bunch of guy parts and maybe one girl part, and i get the girl part? like i get that casting a wholeass musical/play can be difficult with only so many peopl and even fewer guys, but youd think that the ratio of guys to girls(and others) would raise my chances of being a guy?

idk i have so many thoughts abt this

and the voice thing OMLLLLL

like literally any time i listen to one of my favorite actors speak im like 'sir can i B L E A SE HAVE YOUR VOICE'

or even just some of the guys ive interacted with in everyday life

like do you know how many times a cashier's voice has made me want to cry because its so deep/melodic/beautiful/masculine???

[turtleybeachin]

I posted 1,325 times in 2022

That's 1,109 more posts than 2021!

85 posts created (6%)

1,240 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@property-of-diavolo

@kannra21

@eternallydaydreaming2015

@devildomditzy

@incendiak

I tagged 1,269 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#obey me - 885 posts

#obey me lucifer - 209 posts

#obey me mammon - 158 posts

#obey me diavolo - 88 posts

#obey me leviathan - 87 posts

#obey me simeon - 79 posts

#obey me barbatos - 77 posts

#obey me satan - 76 posts

#obey me solomon - 68 posts

#halloween - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 111 characters

#you know lucifer somewhere just violently sneezed and then glared suspiciously in whatever direction simeon was

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Somehow I’m losing my mind over Raphael’s bedroom. The partially eaten GIGANTIC apple just hanging out, the books and papers on the floor, the not-quite-made bed with the dangle blanket. I don’t know what I expected of him but this was not it and yet I’m loving it.

159 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#4

so we all have a dark sense of humor in this fandom right? if that's not you, scroll past this, it's not going to hit your funny bone. (spoiler warning for lesson 16!)

okay so the way we have anniversaries in the devildom, what if MC has yearly anniversaries of the day they died?

like hear me out. i like belphie now, but i also feel like it's my diavolo-given right to remind him he's a little shit on a regular basis.

the boys wake up one morning to MC laying in the foyer with a banner hung over them "HAPPY ONE YEAR SINCE I DIED DAY!" we give belphie a sparkly birthday-style hat that says "I'M AN ASSHOLE" and pin a lil badge to his chest that says "MURDERER" and he has to wear it all day.

"it's been one year since belphie murdered me mid-hug and laughed about it!"

"it's been two years since the day belphie strangled me to death and then cackled maniacally in the foyer over my corpse!"

"happy three years since he brutally slaughtered me and then dragged my body through the house like a cat showing off its kill!"

but i feel like we would have to text mammon first to warn/remind him of the holiday i don't wanna traumatize my first man.

227 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#3

Crying About Season 2 Episode 3

Putting everything under cuts because I don't want to spoil for people who haven't seen it yet.

I CONTINUE TO INSIST MC BE ALLOWED TO ABSOLUTELY ENCOURAGE LEVI'S NERDING OUT. As someone somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum, I hyperfixate and obsess and nerd out hard on shows and games too. And I know how much it hurts when your friends and family mock you or tune you out or walk away from your excitement. And I know how much it means when they listen and get excited too and even if they don't care or understand they're happy just to see you happy.

And every time in the game when Levi starts getting excited and we're forced to like, not care or shut him down? NO. NO I REFUSE.

Anyway, specifically in this episode, I will admit Simeon's entirely un-subtle escape made me cackle

Followed by Luke's misery crawl after both his dads abandoned him like that

See the full post

260 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

#2

Cold Hands

Lucifer x MC (gender neutral)

Fluff, hand holding, fall vibes

-------------------

It's a chilly night in the Devildom, the breeze cutting straight through your clothes. Lucifer beside you doesn't even twitch, the breeze ruffling his hair so prettily you can't help but wonder if he's using magic for that effect. Maybe it's his sin reflecting onto you, but you tense your muscles stubbornly and refuse the shiver that arcs along your spine.

He glimpses you from the corner of his eye, watching you clench your jaw against the chattering. You don't seem to realize how you're squeezing his fingers, your bare skin prickling in his grasp, the leather gloves denying you any shared heat. He could tease you, comment on your fragile human flesh, your trademark stubbornness in refusing to ask for his jacket.

Or he could unfurl his wings, stretch them wide and then let them settle in a way that just so happens to curl loosely around you and block the worst of the wind. "Oh, you don't mind, do you?" he drawls, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "The breeze feels pleasant on them." He slips his hand from your grasp long enough to pluck off his gloves and tuck them gently into his pockets, then entwines your fingers with his.

The heat from his hand seeps to your bones and up your arm. "Not at all," you reply, biting back your smile. You know he's caught your chills, and more than that, your attempt to hide them from him. "And your hands? Do you like the feel of the breeze on those, too?"

He lifts your hand in his so he can press his lips to the back of it. His gaze remains locked with yours as he lingers, the warmth of his breath on your skin erasing any memory of cold. "I prefer the feel of you."

312 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sometimes I think about how the other sorcerers must get BIG MAD at MC because they're the first and only human to have a pact with all seven sins, all seven lords of hell.

They should be wealthy beyond understanding, have limitless power, be everything good boys and girls fear about deals with the devil.

And instead they only call upon the pacts for like, stupid shit.

"I heard they summoned Lucifer yesterday???" "Yeah, don't get excited. They didn't want to have to call the cable company to cancel service so they asked him to do it for them."

"Yo, the new kid used their pact to call Satan here! Who died? I didn't see any wild death tolls on the news--" "I saw on Instagram they went to Barnes & Noble and then a shelter to pet cats."

"Did you see they had Beelzebub here last night? And he looked pissed." "I have a friend who works at Olive Garden. Apparently he found the limit to the unlimited salad and breadsticks."

"Was I seeing things or was Asmodeus in town? With Solomon, I assume?" "Nah, with his apprentice." "Oh, were they trying to seduce their way--" "They were trying out those new nail polish robots at Target."

"Ugh, did they summon Mammon? Why??" "Apparently they couldn't reach some of the spell components on a top shelf and didn't want to go get the step stool."

"The new kid is outside with Leviathan, and they're standing real close talking animatedly. You don't think he's scouting ahead for the Navy, do you?" "Nope, walked by them earlier. They're playing Pokemon Go."

"I'm pretty sure that's Belphegor in the lounge near the fireplace." "Yep. Apparently the new kid likes to shove their bare feet under him while he naps, says he's 'the perfect temperature'."

5,496 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[im-about-to-lose-it-i-am-done]

I can’t see her or anyone that looks like her without going into a borderline panic. Doesn’t help that she’s the most basic white girl ever. Everywhere I look she’s there and the thought make ame fuckibg sick because i fucked up and now she’s the type of person I’d hate. What happened to the girl who drew her Pokémon team and stuck it in the front of her binder? Who laughed with me about the real life coconut mall video as we sat in the bus line? I miss her. I want her back, not whoever is here now. Maybe I’m jealous that she got better and I never did but I don’t care. Because she’s not the same anymore. She became different and yet I stay stagnant. I am nothing, we are nothing, everything is pointless.

So why do I just want to have a stupid conversation with the girl she used to be? Why do I hate it so much when I see those brown haired girls with horribly acne look at me? Am I still even sure it was her who looked at me like that? I don’t understand. I don’t know. Please god just help me I want things to br okay again. I’m so tired of being alone and I have people so I’m not but I still feel alone even if I love them.

If only she’d respected my boundaries, made me feel a little better about myself instead of constantly worse, if she ever brought up her problems herself instead of me guessing them. If only she ever showed interest in what I liked. If only she cared. If only she didn’t joke about my friend’s ocs that I was super hyperfixated on. I hate this. I wanna take it all back. If she had just been a better friend then none of this would’ve happened and I don’t know if that’d be for the worse or the best.

I’m just tired. I should’ve gotten more sleep. I’ll probably cry once I get home or something. Not rare for me. I’m so fuckjbg hungry too, I need to start eating lunch again. God. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. But it does matter because she hurt me. It’s stupid and it sucks. I hate her and I love her. Meanwhile I’m probably nothing more than a pasos g thought because she moved on and just got to say she got over all her problems and got better and that I just didn’t mean anything I guess.

Fuck this.

[felix-lupin]

I've noticed a lot of antis will say that the reason they hate pro-shippers is because they "want to protect children". However, this desire seems to completely vanish when the child is a proshipper themself.

I understand that some of them genuinely think they're doing good, don't get me wrong. But.

When I was ten or eleven I started being proship. That was the first time I was on the internet in any way, as I had spent the majority of my childhood being sheltered and isolated. I hadn't met anyone else proship, I didn't even know the word for it. I just was.

In my journey to figure out how everything worked, I ended up shipping something "problematic." I couldn't understand that it was seen as problematic or why anyone would think it was bad, because I was f*cking 11.

Even though I was 11 (and it always stated it in my bios, because I was a dumb kid), whenever I would express that I enjoyed that ship, I would be sent hate my way. I was told multiple times to kill myself, to hurt myself, and that "this is why your parents never loved you" (I had posted in the past about having issues in my family life and believing that my parent had abandoned me).

So most antis claim they only want to help children, yet so many of them will go out and tell literal 9-13 year olds to kill themselves the second they mention being. I was already dealing with extreme depression, and it made it so much worse I was told the world would be better off without me, that everybody would hate me if they found out. By strangers, who knew nothing about me. I remember crying so many times, thinking that I was a burden on society. That my family, my friends, my joyfriend would hate me.

I remember being scared to tell my therapist, because the people I interacted with on the internet convinced me everyone would hate me. I remember that was one of the first times I hurt myself. I remember feeling so alone, hating myself so much. Every waking moment I just thought about how much everyone would 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦. I remember feeling so ashamed, keeping it bottled up and not wanting anyone to know why I was hurting so much, trying to hide how much I was hurting because it was "stupid of me" to hurt so much over that.

I remember trying to stop shipping that content, but it was like a weird involuntary thing. I didn't consume or create content of it for a while, but then I felt worse when I didn't, though. I later learned that I had been involuntarily hyperfixating on that ship and the media surrounding it.

I remember constantly reminding myself it was bad, so if I liked it 𝘐 was bad. That if I liked it I was a horrible person. It didn't stop. I hated myself so fucking much. I remember wishing I would die so I wouldn't "be like this" anymore.

But yea. You just wanna protect kids. /s

[omegawolverine]

Wanna infodunp bout sumthin? Plz do (respind whenever you wanna dont even worrg bout time here)

this has been sitting in my ask box for like a week now and im so sorry about that but also the last time i posted an info dump (which, for me, means bitching my ever loving heart out about the subject, because i genuinely find it incredibly difficult to speak fondly of things i enjoy without just going "yeah i think its neat!" essentially and then forgetting all the reasons why i like it) somebody came into my replies to break the dni i made in that post, invalidate my trauma and then say i was gaslighting them for stating my own opinion so um. yeah ive been a bit hesitant to say the least, considering hot takes are basically how i show my love for things :)

but, i have now decided to just post my least inflammatory take on one of my hyperfixations in response to this and then just. leave bc i dont wanna get into drama over my dumb little opinions again.

anyways, quick dni: dont even fucking touch this post if you're going to be aggressive with me, you don't use tone tags when making corrections or criticisms or you wanna just trash my opinion. ultimately people can do whatever they want, im just expressing my own annoyances as someone who has been in the IT fandom for awhile and has some complaints as a result (as im sure most other fans do lol)

moving on...rant time:

stan uris and richie tozier are canonically best friends in IT and the erasure of their friendship in favor of appealing to reddie fans is fucking gross and weird, especially bc stan is then chalked up to just some mean jewish kid who likes birds and is annoyed by richie 25/8 instead of having an actual fucking personality in every reddie fic just bc fans want so badly to make reddie best friends to lovers and its just?? yall can make reddie best friends to lovers WITHOUT erasing stan's canonical personality. yall can make them best friends to lovers while still acknowledging that stan and richie are canonically best friends and that stan canonically was an incredibly important person to richie.

this also goes for bill and eddie btw!! its just significantly worse with stan which reads Very Wrong when you take into consideration that fic writers always write bill denbrough as a sweet little white boy who everyone's at least a little bit in love with but then write stan as this rude jewish boy who's always mean and critical of richie for just being himself (and a lot of those "annoying" traits i see people make stan give richie shit about are adhd traits, which also rubs me wrong?? like why are so many NT fic writers so comfortable with calling my ND traits annoying) which isnt even canon?? like. canonically they poke fun at each other, they call each other names and say stupid shit but not to the extent of actually hurting each other because they are best friends and they know each other to the point where they know what boundaries the other has, they arent just making passive aggressive comments at the other and then going "it's a joke bro!" when/if the other gets upset.

also?? the trend of making "fix it" fics for IT chapter 2 where eddie is revived/doesn't die but stan does and is then only brought up in passing? not fucking cute. dont call it a "fix it fic" if the only "fix it" is you reviving a character for your fucking ship, especially when the other dead character is the BEST FRIEND of 1/2 of the ship? like. what. do yall just think richie getting married would somehow fix the fact that he lost the person that he was closest to? because, news flash, the person he was closest to was not eddie. they were very close friends, richie fucking loved the dude /p and /r, but stan was canonically his best friend and was canonically the person richie was closest to like?? what is not clicking omgggg

stanley uris is an incredibly fucking important character in IT and he is especially fucking important to richie goddamn tozier. you dont just get to ignore richie's best friend and write him into this mean jewish man box because his actual personality doesnt serve your ship like for the love of fucking god stan does not need to be there to create angst for your fics, he doesnt need to be there to make your hurt/comfort piece where you make stan borderline abelist just so richie can run and cry into eddie's scrawny little arms like im begging you to just write something where the hurt/comfort doesnt come from stan being a douchebag because canonically he was not one. he was a good fucking friend, he fucking loved richie and they got each others weird asses like nobody else did.

like. idk. ultimately yall can do what you want with ur fics i guess but also it's just fucking weird if you ask me?? and maybe that's just because im a dumbass richie kinnie who absolutely adores stan, but as somebody who loves reddie and reads reddie fics regularly, it is so goddamn annoying to only see my other favorite character written in to be mean, create angst or just be fucking dead time and time again when eddie is revived and then not even written accurately half the time bc he's not a fucking fragile dude who needs help all the time either, he's a shouty little cunt who know's he can be fucking dangerous if he wants to be and he doesn't hesitate to dish out some nasty ass comments if given the chance. just please for the love of god stop writing these characters ooc its killing me fr-

(btw i know most of this shit is just done by accident and its mostly done by movie stans who havent read the book, it's just still annoying to me, ya know? and this whole post is /nm, i just talk like this bc it's what comes naturally to me!! this is how i complain about literally everything, regardless of how big the issue is so dont take this too seriously pls)

[mrskurono]

i wanted to say something related with the thing about the plain repetitive fics earlier when the notification popped up but was busy and in a horrible humor 🥴🥴 so imma say it now

we as consumers (the ones who only read) are most at fault here i think bc the writers always ask and the ones with beautifully written 5k words almost beg for readers to interact/reblog so it spreads and gets to other people(i am at fault here too im a social anxiety ridden person) and because of this lack of interaction the "shitty" or plain or whatever gets more interactions... on other side there are also lazy ass people that don't wanna read 5k words (their loss lol) and stick with the plain ooc shitty cookie cutter stories, the ones who get the spotlight unfortunately...

sorry for the long ass rant, got lost in the middle and wrote it with a baby crying and screaming and laughing by my side lol, hope ur having a good day/evening and taking care of you and your baby💕💕

For the five hundred and fifty two years I've been on this site I will say there was a definitive switch between supporting content creators (of any media) and now expecting things to be spoon fed them in the simplest way without feeling an obligation to return the favor with even the meager of feedback. I wouldn't say it went down hill when Tumblr did it's purge bc honestly it was going downhill before that. It was like one month people were excited to share their hyperfixations and fandoms. And now no one wants to do anything bc of the cringe worthy puritan culture that has swept through most social medias. This focus on likes only, popularity and being a god send famous person is just so fucking weird to me. Anymore anyone is so afraid to even entertain the idea that they would consume something "unsanitary" and then get in trouble for it that it's reached its way to the creators. Many have stopped bc of hate. Many have stopped for fear of hate. Just as many have stopped bc its just not worth it anymore. It's frankly sad bc now "trendy" things are the only thing that sells. Tik tok reaction crap, daddy kinks, uwu sub babies, etc. This very tiny box of what's "ok" has doubled down on so many people just straight up quitting. These things that have been deemed "acceptable" while other things get demonized.

And this goes for non sexual items too. Wanna write best friends au? Unrealistic, bull crap, "never happens". But twelve dozen people wanna write a mafia au? Great, brilliant, "totally plausible". A lot of people complain about the sexual factors of fandoms but honestly fluff is just as looked down on unless it's exactly how this mass decided it to be. It use to be in fandoms you could find so much. Oh my god there was so so so much you could find. If you thought of it, you could find it. But now its the same idea regurgitated fifty times. I get people enjoying what they enjoy (I for one enjoy friendships and mutual pining and such) but the fact that everything else gets shoved to the side bc the majority doesn't "want it" and then others are "too afraid" to engage frankly means more and more writers are going to leave and not come back. And it's sad really bc so many writers are wonderful and great but no one wants to support them. I understand being anxiety riddled. I didn't start posting even online half a decade after I started writing. I kept everything on a note app and interacted with no one when I did get brave enough to post online in the small fandoms I was in. So the anxiety thing I get but at some point you have to decide if it's worth more to lurk and watch your content creators and friends leave. Or to support them and others.

Make entirely new blog. Give no defining traits to yourself. Don't even have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. But reblogging (with proper tags) means a million different things to artists of all kind. You don't even have to leave a comment. Simply reblogging something and making sure it can be spread through proper tags in the fandom means the world to creators and it's so small but keeps us going. I do it here on my blog all the time. I'm not an avid reader but I adore art and reblog the crap out of characters I might not even like. Just so that artist knows "hey, someone saw this and they want more people to see it bc its amazing"

This isn't meant to be mean spirited or a lecture but frankly Tumblr is going to loose a lot of its media and its sad to watch it go down the drains. But on the brightside ao3 is still wonderful and a heavenly place to post fics! The traffic is wonderful and to any fic writers who haven't signed up for it I really suggest it. All the fandoms I've posted in so far have been really engaging and lots of people even comment which is just such a serotonin boost. If you haven't started cross posting on ao3 I highly suggest it

[koishua]

Oh I just stay up late talking with my friends and watching dramas, you're more suspicious as you have to study 👁️👁️ (should be getting those 8 hours beauty sleep)

Well, my studies are recognised here and as the problem in my country is not having experience, so my aunt could get me an internship that lasts a few years to get the experience I need, but of course, I would need to speak fluent French and... I'm a bit lazy.

🤔 I don't think so, I looked up the cast and no one was in Itaewon Class, it's about an homicide in a law school and all the suspects are in the same class, it's like any other criminal drama but it has a lot of twists 🤩 and yesyes I recently watched Train to Busan (bawled my eyes off) so I'm looking forward to it (although I'm not a fan of so much gore, it makes me want to vomit 😂)

We're watching Fruits Basket (kinda boring and cliche but gotta do it for my friend), HxH (I'm liking it so far, but I'm only able to watch it with my friend, otherwise it's boring 😂) and Domestic Girlfriend (I... idk what to say, it's the weirdest shit I've ever seen 😂, I'm watching it with my friend for the giggles). I've also seen Komi can't communicate (finished already, kinda weird but I liked it, the mc was really relatable and the last ep made me cry). And ohhh, I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR THIS SUNDAY'S AND NEXT EP OF AOT, I FEEL IT COMING 🤩 (I'm even more excited one of my friends is not a manga reader so I want to see her reactions) Uhh, what's the name of that anime?? I'm looking for more than what I'm watching with my friends (...my to watch list is eyeing me suspiciously 👀)

Don't say those things, you're gonna make me blush 😔.

I see, that's something you shouldn't have to get used to but you do, I can only imagine how much it hurts to having to constantly leave people behind just as you're growing accustomed to them (until you just don't, but that shouldn't be like that). I'm glad you're better in your new school, and don't forget you're precious and you deserve happiness, okay? Hoping that you feel better with the time.

I know Spanish people tend to speak really quickly didn't know it was also an Italian ocurrence 😂 and I hope you're feeling okay, how's it going for you? Is it like a fever? Damn those siblings 😤

I really like seeing your paintings, looking forward to more‼️ It's been a while since a read a physical book, I like criminalistic ones, like Agatha Christie's (had an hyperfixation with And then there were none when I was younger) but I'll be looking up those you recommended‼️

You too take even more care, and stay even safer >:( 💝 - 💐

don't mind me i have actual valid excuses 😩 we don't need a beauty sleep in this household. sleep is for the weak at night 💔

but that internship sounds pretty solid!! except.... French 💔 god knows the amount of stress learning french gave me. my classmates who are still stuck with it are walking traumabags after every french class 😭 man the language barrier sucks :( have you contemplated on it or are you sure you won't be taking up that offer for the experience?

also bahaha i saw your other ask and so I WAS RIGHT‼️‼️there is a cast member from itaewon class 😌 i love thriller/action/suspense type of things, so i'll be watching it soon too!! train to busan is downright devastating ;-; i sobbed by the end as well and the music, the cinematography, everything was so heartbreaking towards the last few bits and yeah it's just <//3

oooh.. if you don't like gore, then maybe All Of Us Are Dead might not be the best for you then 😭 because there are some pretty nasty things (far more gruesome than train to busan, at least 😔) so just be extra weary :(

omg fruits basket <//3 although... negl the only reason i watched the reboot was because of kyo 😭 but ahh hxh is one of my faves actually!! i sort of get why it can be boring sometimes though 😔 you're makin me wanna watch domestic girlfriend for the giggles too omg is it that weird 😭🤚 man i so wanna watch aot too but my braincells and emotional capacities are not up for the task these day ngl <//3

the badminton anime is named Salaryman's Club and the animation is SUPER neat and so so cool 😭 i just love love love sports anime so much like they always have a very special place in my heart.

ma'am i wholeheartedly mean everything i say, better get used to it </3

as unfortunate it is, you're right, i don't have any difficulties leaving ppl behind and don't get attached to anyone i meet at all, but it is what it is!! nothing much i can do about my parents' jobs 😔😔 dw though!! im not at all affected bahaha i get bored easily anyways, so a new place and a switch up is actually very very welcome 😭🤚 thank you so much :( i always find myself at a loss of words when you say kind stuff and don't know how to properly return them, but yeah just tysm. you're so lovely and nice :(

honestly it's either a european thing or i just talk slow in general 💔🏃 but yes whenever i watch interviews with natives in italy, i always struggle to keep up, but ig i'll get used to it in no time!!

im mostly all good now!! but yes, siblings are sometimes the bane of my existence 😐 it's such a wonder how i'd gladly give up my organs for them if the are ever to be in need of a donor but also feel like punching them every time they annoy me 😭

im not at all a good painter but i do enjoy smearing paint around on cardboards every now and then bahaha also omg the way i would love to tell you i adore agatha christie too, but i haven't actually read a single book of hers </3 what's your rec for an agatha christie beginner??

let me know if the books i mentioned before interest you haha and as always, make sure to drink water and enjoy yourself as much as possible and take care!! 💜