#i just think that these words combined make me cry at 1AM what of it

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

(Aspara)Gus' three words (either version) are some of my favourites and are getting to me rn, like:

Frail, Wise, Historied

Wistful, Imaginative, Frail

I'm also realizing that the latter three that came from the US revival also are almost fully future echos of Jemima (Sillabub)'s updated words:

Yearning, Dreamy, Curious

And this doesn't mean anything in regards to I'm-making-a-meaningful-connection, I'm just emotional.

[1kook]

commercial break: eleven

this is a netflix & chill drabble <3

SUMMARY You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small.

WARNINGS sadness, vulnerabilities, insecurity, self confidence issues, an idea of “feeling ugly”, tw // mental breakdowns and feelings of regression, crying, jk doesn’t want anyone near, oc tries her best to comfort him

RATING e for everyone

WC 1.2k

NOTES i love the idea of jk being the perfect man, but I also want to show moments where he isn’t so perfect and where he’s not the mature man oc thinks he is… I love my boy so much 😭😭 also it’s 1am helloooooo ALSO it’s formatted ugly bc I’m posting this from my phone 😀 I’ll fix it tmrw promise

Jungkook hates to admit it, but some days are harder than others.

Some days, Jungkook wakes up with an uncomfortably stifling feeling in his chest, one that threatens to wiggle its way into the loneliest parts of his heart and find permanent residency. A drowsy one, makes him linger in bed well past his preferred wake up time, the blackout curtains in his room ensheathing him in a sea of darkness that his heart is adamant on replicating. But it’s worse than drowning, because his lungs are clear; it’s just that he doesn’t have the strength, the willpower to force another breath— he just wants to lay there and do nothing.

“Good morning,” he hears from beside him, and a different weight presses against his side. You’re warm in the morning, soft too. He likes how you feel, he always does. But not today. Today, he doesn’t know how he feels about the overwhelming presence at his side. You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small. “You sleep okay?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer. The words don’t catch in his throat, but in the recesses of his mind instead, overlapping and overflowing until it feels like tv static, fuzzy and blurry— confusing. You shift beside him, and his heart kicks up an anxious rhythm. It’s not the normal butterflies that beat their wings against the walls of his rib cage when you smile, nor is it the thundering gallops of a dozen horses when you touch him just so. It’s this nauseating, terrified feeling, one that screams at him to answer lest he upset you with his silence.

There’s a hand on his chest, and he doesn’t like how it feels right now, just another suffocating layer to add on, but even worse he doesn’t know how to tell you that.

Luckily, he doesn’t have to. It slinks away, but that warning bell in his head is going off anyway, makes him look over at you in panic, only to find you propped up on your elbow, inquisitive eyes focused on him. Your features are still soft, and Jungkook is pretty sure there’s traces of last night’s makeup clinging to your lash line. You’re so pretty— you always are. Jungkook can’t handle this right now. You’re too pretty, and Jungkook feels ugly. (Ah, so that was the feeling.) You can’t look at Jungkook when he’s ugly, you won’t want Jungkook when he’s ugly.

“Hey,” you say softly, gently. Jungkook’s heart aches. A pair of fingers brush along his cheekbones, drag through the wetness that escapes the corners of his eyes, trails down toward his ears—when had he started crying?—where you delicately tuck his hair back. “I’m gonna get started on breakfast,” you tell him, voice hushed, whispering. Jungkook is hanging onto every single word, feels like you’ll disintegrate before his very eyes if he isn’t careful. You can probably tell. “You don’t have to eat right now, but it’ll be down there if you want, okay?”

You move to get off the bed, scooting away from him, leaving him behind. He’s fine with it until he isn't, until your hand touches the door knob to his room and a shameful sniffle escapes him. Loud too, loud enough to make you turn back in surprise. And that alarmed look on your face is enough to make Jungkook want to hide, hurriedly rolling over onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow, arms clutching at the softness as he cries. You hurry back. He doesn’t want you to leave, but he doesn’t want you to see either. He doesn’t know what he wants.

“No,” he begs, turning the other way when your face comes up beside him, kneeling beside his side of the bed. “Don’t look at me— please.”

There’s a hand on his back, and Jungkook hates how much he loves it, hates how much he instinctively yearns to find comfort in you at a time like this. He was getting better, he’s been getting better. He swears he has; he has journals full of feelings to prove it, vulnerable text message threads with Namjoon to prove it.

But he won’t lie. The Valentine’s Day incident had left a bad taste in Jungkook’s mind, and these past few months have been hard. He feels like he’s regressing, like he’s back to being a teenager all over again. By itself, that knowledge sucks. Combined with the warm palm on his back and the loving voice calling his name— combined with the fact you've been watching Jungkook these past few months each and every time he’s woken up like this… it’s humiliating. “Don’t look,” he chokes out, each drag of your fingers through his hair sending a confused pang of emotions straight to his heart.

“Why can’t I look?” you ask quietly, toying with the strands of his hair. He sniffles. “What would I see?”

“Me,” Jungkook sobs, wishing the mattress would just up and swallow him.

You’re silent, a fact that Jungkook wishes he could appreciate had it not made the sounds of his anguish even more obvious. It makes him self-conscious, more than he already is, so he forces himself to quiet down. It doesn’t feel better, but it does let him hear your next words. “I like looking at you,” you tell him, and the bed dips down beside him. After a moment, you speak again. “Do you feel ugly today?”

Careful, calculated. Like he’s a ticking bomb and you don’t want him to blow. Briefly, he had explained it before, skirted around it in embarrassment as he talked about the way he felt. It had been months ago— maybe the weekend after Valentine’s —so he’s surprised you remember. Jungkook nods.

“Then I’ll wait,” you announce, and eventually he feels you settle in beside him. His head is still turned the other way, hiding shamefully, but he can feel your warm breath against his skin when you slowly cuddle in close. An arm wraps itself around his back. He doesn’t mind it this time— he just wants to be held now. “I’ll wait until you feel pretty again.”

Part of Jungkook wants to snap at you; he doesn’t want to feel pretty, he’s never felt pretty. Jungkook felt average at best, and on days where you stroked his ego, maybe even handsome. But pretty? That’s not something that’ll ever happen, and he doesn’t want you to waste your hopes on a possibility that does not exist.

But that’s mean, and he doesn’t want to chase you away, scare you away, even if he doesn’t want you to see him like this. So Jungkook shuts his mouth, stays still, tries to match the soft rise and fall of your chest against his side instead.

Some days he’s fine in a few minutes without a single tear shed. Other days are long. Other days are so painful and uncomfortable, he just wants to hide. He wants to climb into his shell and never come out, hide his ugliness from the world and never have to worry about being seen again.

You don’t lie to him, don’t feed him empty promises while you wait. You just lay silently at his side, pulling him closer when his sniffles get louder. You don’t say anything unnecessary and you never make it about yourself.

Lately his shell has grown bigger, wider, comfier. Big enough for someone else to squeeze in, hold him close when he doesn’t feel like himself.

He doesn’t hate it.

[reflectionsofneptune]

little things about the Venus Signs

abstract dreamy things I associate with the Venus Signs in Astrology.

Aries Venus

Risk. Risks you take because you know that something exciting is on the edge of it. A good time. Fire and desire, a flammable combination you can’t help but be drawn too. Dependability. Someone who has your back. Moments to remember. Legs dangling off a balcony because when the wind moves, you’re filled with freedom and empowerment. Less thoughts. More actions. Weekends away, just because. Kisses in public, just because. Laughter. Belly laughs which’ll have you crying. Experiences to remember. Eye contact. Daring you to look away. A look that just does something to you. Promises something more.

Taurus Venus

Stability. Stability in something we’ve nurtured and are proud to share together. Routine. Loyalty. You know where you stand. An unsaid declaration to show up, in the good times and the ugly. Someone you can count on. Delicious food. Shared. Eating in bed. Fingertips that mould to every curve of your body and incite a strong feeling in your core. Physical senses heightened. Your favourite scent. Tender, routine moments of care. A love that is a grounding force when life gets a bit too much. Gifts with you in mind. That heady feeling of pleasure. Can’t get enough. Don’t want to. Feenin’. Sharing what I have, with you.

Gemini Venus

Lightness. Love is light-hearted but sentimental. Akin to cold champagne, bubbles in your tummy and warmth in your head. Laughter. Lots of it. Hanging out with other people but my body language and eye contact is on you. Late night conversations with you. Pushing your buttons because I can, but my intentions are pure. Can you deal? A willingness to delve into the deeper emotions of life. Being charmed. Flirting back and forth. Lip biting. Feigning forgetting important dates to surprise you later and show that I pay attention. Smiling till your face hurts. It’s hard to be sad when I’m around you. A desire to know what you’re thinking. 

Cancer Venus

Coming home. My door is open and every meeting feels like the first time all over again. A love that follows you everywhere. Cleanses you. Breakfast in bed. A sensitive spot touched on your back. Just. Like. That. Emotions. Emotions on overdrive. Are these mine or yours? Emotional highs. Highs that sweep you up into the heavens where everything is fluffy and soft. Feels like you’re treading warm water, soft ripples glimmer in the moonlight. Devotion. Whatever you want, I can take care of it. Being fed. And then devoured whole by the intensity. It’s all you can feel. Sink or swim, I’m right there with you.

Leo Venus

Loyalty. I vow to ride things out for you. With you. Anything for my equal. Nothing but the best. Tender moments where eyes are locked and the inner spirit is visible, for a moment. Taking pictures in iconic places. Compliments. Affirming how good you look. Back rubs. Head rubs. Hand on my heart, I swear this feels too good to be true. Playfulness. Teasing. I wanna see what you’re about. Show me how I light you up so I know i’m not the only one feeling this way. Wearing my heart on my sleeve. Nights spent enjoying each other’s company. Messing around, just because. Letting you in because you recognise the inner child within me.

Virgo Venus

Little things. The things you overlook I cover. There’s little I wouldn’t do for you. I got you. Practical gifts. Soft nagging. Simple things done together. Grocery shopping. Your favourite treat in your bag because today is a big day and I believe in you. A connection that surpasses the body but is rooted within the spirit. Acceptance of all your flaws. Loving you even more for it. A mental connection that just flows. Dry jokes. You get me. Subtle touches. Gratitude. Feelings that run deep. Putting in work because I value this connection. Showing a different side of me when I’m with you.

Libra Venus

Balance. Sweet words. An even sweeter smile, with eyes crinkling. Matching our steps when we’re together because I like being in a groove with you. Sharing a milkshake with two straws. A fairytale romance where only true love is promised. Holding hands. Thinking of you. A sense of peace together. Taking turns splitting the bill because this right here is based on give and take. Tucking that stray hair behind your ear. Looking at you pains me a little. Yin and Yang. But in a good way. Nothing is perfect, but this right here, is real close.

Scorpio Venus

Bare. That’s how it feels. Seeing beneath the physical body but wanting more. Surrounded by people but consumed by your presence. Heat. A look. A smirk. Intense feelings. Intense feelings that you can either face head or back away, either way you’ll feel it. No sharing. But no prisoners, either. Ride or die. You’re guaranteed not to be the same after. Say goodbye to the old you. Secrets shared. Each day brings us closer and I’m fast getting used to it. Flying off the edge because something greater needs to be explored. Shadow emotions not shrinking away from the light but opening up to be perceived. Deep healing. An even deeper connection. 

Sagittarius Venus

Exploration. Exploration of your mind. A raucous kind of love. Play fighting. An acceptance of you and how I come together. Falling a lil bit deeper each time you express whats on your mind. Freedom. Introducing each other to new things. Living life on the wild side. Travelling together, you and I and two backpacks. Anything feels possible when I’m with you. Remembering how to dream. Questionable decisions that feel oh so good in the end. Having faith. In a higher power, in a higher calling. In you.

Capricorn Venus

A quiet declaration of love that doesn’t need outside confirmation. You know what it is. Weekends away in the countryside. Showing up for you. Playing house. Love is made a priority. Lunch dates. Settling down in the evening just us. Brushing our teeth together and sneaking glances in the mirror. An earthy kind of love. Feeling grounded, together. Helping you take the burden off of your shoulders. You can lean on me. Dinner and drinks. Privacy. Living our best life together. Taking things slow but an end goal is in place. Doing things for long-term results. Thinking of a future where you feature. 

Aquarius Venus

Acceptance. A connection that questions everything you knew before. Shaking your world up. How open are you to the unpredictable? I wanna find out. Making a fool out of ourselves because its 1AM and we’re up. Watching the sun come up. Netflix and chill. A series we watch together, just us. It’s our thing. Listening to your dreams but getting distracted by the pure passion emanating from your eyes. Finding humour in awkward situations. Shining eyes. Things we share together. Moments of time apart that we share which doesn’t feel impending of something bad, but more of a comforting reminder that what we have is something to come back to. Trust. Sending you this meme because I saw this and thought of you.

Pisces Venus

Unconditional. A connection that doesn’t exist on a 3D level. Love that filters through into your dream world. What separates us? Not much. Fantasies materialising. Taking place on a soul level. Dreamy eyes. Looking at you just because. Looking at you when you’re not looking. Talking to you but then losing track because you look so damn good. Tracing the curves of your face. Holding hands with thumbs circling that fleshy part where the thumb meets the index. Losing myself in you. Sharing things together that can’t be explained. We don’t want too. 

| little thoughts about mercury placements

| little thoughts about mars placements

| little thoughts about saturn placements

[khrystalsnow]

ALL TIME FAVOURITE FICS

I wanted to make a list of my favourite fics (not sure if I’m missing any). There’s probably more that I would put here but they’re buried under my likes however, I may add more in the future. I hope you enjoy!

*PLEASE let me know if I did a mistake or put the wrong link!

LEGEND:

🥺Fluff

🤬Angst

😏Smut

😂Crack

FICS

Passion Fruit by @joonbird 🤬😏knj

-The very first fic that introduced me to tumblr fics (bts) which is just heaven sent. I remember reading this in awe because of the writing and the characters. Daddy namjoon showed oc a whole new world when he ate her out and I’m kind of jealous😔 I really love the plot and the character development for the oc and this was overall a good read!

Comfort Inn Ending by @joonbird  🤬😏jjk

-Another one of Amy’s work (top tier), that broke my heart into a million pieces. Honestly, I’ve read this series once, because of how good it is. Its sad, like I broke down a couple of times because of the two characters, kind of sad. That just shows you how amazing it is, that I can’t even reread it.

Hot Summer by @httphopewrld 🥺😏🤬 jjk

-I don’t know why but after I discovered this fic, I couldn’t stop thinking about this and the plot. Curtains are not really something we think about most at of the time but JK! Why couldn’t you just buy some curtains?! I mean I don’t blame the reader for peaking though. I’m really happy with the ending and how they talked it out like mature adults in the end.

Greedy by @xjoonchildx 🤬😏 myg

-A part of the Guarded Series which is just amazing! I picked Greedy because it’s currently ongoing and I really like yoongi’s perspective more than the other series. Yoongi’s a loner and people in his line of work, knows that. When he met oc, its like he finally found something that he can treasure on his own and completely different from the people around him. I just want them to be happy😭 I can’t wait for more chapters to come!

Hammer it Home by @gukslut 🥺😏🤬 knj

-I recently read this and fell in love with it really quickly! I’m pretty sure that everyone knows this fic and loves it just like me. I can’t really say anything more, except daddy joon is absolutely filthy, so read it.

Flower by @readyplayerhobi 🥺😏🤬 jhs

-God, this is such a good series. It deals with a lot of topics such as panic attack, body insecurity, anxiety, having children etc. (please look at the trigger warnings). We get to see the oc begin to date hoseok and see their relationship grow beautifully. Both of the characters are so different individually, but together, they look so beautiful:((

Boyfriend Material by @ladyartemesia 🥺😏😂 jjk

-The amount of times I’ve reread this is unreal. I want someone like jungkook in real lifee😭😭 I really love how its in bullet points to get the points across and easy to read. It also just seems so much more personal because it feels like we’re with them throughout the process of their relationship.

Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg 🥺😏🤬 myg

-When I first read part 1, I already fell in love with it. Dragon yoongi, namjoon and hoseok, sorcerer jin and jungkook, fairy jimin and human baby tae!!! I’ve reread this series multiple times and it just never gets old😌I love how everything connects and the smut is spicy✨

A Song Request by @n8dlesoupguk 🥺🤬 jjk

-THIS! IS! SO! CUTTTTTEE!!!! *PUNCHING THE AIR* ahhhhh the amount of time I smiled while reading this is unreal!! I love jungkook and I love this fic. I cant say anymore because of how cute it is! READ ITTTTTT!

Only For Love by @lysjeon  🥺🤬 jjk

-This has a special place in my heart because it was my first social media au. I LOVE the characters especially sarang 🥺its so well done and reread it all the time. Chae’s aus are really good 10/10 would recommend her whole entire masterlist

I Found  by @hxseok-honee 🥺🤬😂 myg

-Ahh!! binged this at 1am and I don’t regret it! It’s a hogwarts au featuring slytherin, brooding, meany, yoongi and hufflepuff reader that is friends with the whole squad. It really has everything that I love about hogwarts aus. The progression of their relationship was a whole roller coaster and at the end I was really happy for yoongi to be able to find his forever girl and be friends with crackheads. 

The Dinner Party by @lamourche 🥺🤬😏 myg

-Beautiful writing and the story is immaculate *chef’s kiss* I think about this fic once a month and reread it multiple times. I love it and hate it at the same time because I just want them together and figure their shit together, especially in the recent chapter. The circumstances and emotions are relatable that I just wanna hug both of the characters 😔

Rattled by @gukslut  🤬😏 jjk

-I’ve already recommended this before, meaning, this is really good. It follows jungkook as a single father with reader as his neighbor. Its angsty as fuck and will probably make you cry for jungkook because how much struggle he goes through with raising lovely areum by himself (respect for single parents!), but they figure it out in the end!

Seven Seas by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 kth

-When I read Atlantis!Taehyung, I was sold. This fic pops up in my head once in a while and I love it every single time I read it again. OC is a smart bitch, and works hard to achieve whatever she desires. I love her relationship with taehyung sooo much, I could picture them together being oc’s parents: lovey dovey even when they’re old and supports one another😌

Intro: Her by @jamaisjoons  🥺🤬😏 knj

-God the amount of serotonin this gives me every time I read it is *chef’s kiss* maknae as namjoon’s kids is also a bonus! I really love family aus and this completely filled me with happiness. 

Chasing Butterflies by @ddaenggtan​ 😏🥺😂 jjk

-Pretty sure everyone already knows and loves this fic but I just had to put this here. It’s literally perfect! Oc pining for weeb jungkook is everyone because he’s cute as hell😔 the SECONDHAND EMBASSAMENT I felt when she confessed is too much😂😭 Please read it if you haven’t because IT’S SO GOOD

A Home Found In You by @lovmail​  🥺(wholesome) jjk

-Another single dad jungkook because I love it😔 This fic introduced me to rochelle’s account and binged all of her other fics (which are also great). This also pops up in my head at random times and I always give in to the urge of rereading it because its so good!

For Love and Money by @jimlingss​ 🥺🤬😏 ksj

-This shit was a whole roller coaster alright but I loved it! it’s a forced arranged marriage and when reading the first chapter, you will want to read more. I love both of the characters soo much and the progression is immaculate, so glad they got their shit together in the end😌

Brass and Strings @jimlingss​  🥺🤬😂 knj

-This was also another roller coaster of feelings and angst. It’s a little long but the pacing is really good. I LOVE the main characters so much!!! oc’s a badass, despite what she’s been through and I strive to be like her ngl😔 This made me cry on multiple occasions, just read this you won’t regret it.

Inside My Mind by @jimlingss​ 🥺😏 knj

-The amount of times I think about this on a monthly BASIS. It’s half fluff and smut which is the perfect combination for me😌 I love the concept of mind reading, but when people can hear nsfw thoughts though😳 honestly read it if you haven’t, IT’S SO GOOD 

The Deli Diaries by @jimlingss 🥺 pjm

-This shit was the CUTEST shit ever!! both characters are so cute (I’ve said that word so many times😭) and their interactions during work is so cute😭 At this point just read Kina’s whole masterlist

The Alpha by @ladyartemesia​ 🤬😏 pjm

SO GOOD, immaculate, well written, the plot 10/10. This fic is amazing!! I get so excited whenever I see that it’s updated. The world is so fascinating and detailed that you wanna learn more about it. The plot is so thrilling and the action parts got me so hooked! I can’t wait for more part to come!

A Court of Curses  by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 jhs

UGGHHHH one of my favourite hobi fics ever!!! of course it’s a vampire and witch au. I love the main characters so much OK😭 they just wanna love each other and it physically hurt me when they were also hurting😭😭😭 but the ending is so satisfying, so I’m happy!

[joyfulhopelox]

Right now i don’t know if i want to kiss you or shove you off this building

Part 1 | Part 2(end)

A/N: I have no words really, just i needed to get this off my chest and i wrote it so quickly that part 2 is probably going to be out by the end of the week.

genre: fluff (x100), University! au/ College!au

Copyrights @joyfulhopelox do NOT repost or reblog

Stealing is a crime please do not steal, i do not cross post anywhere else only Tumblr

Pairing: J-Hope x reader (College!AU/ University!AU)

Word count: 4,000 words

Warnings: i'm still bad at writing fluff but here we go (i cried a lot inside whilst writing it)

There are few times in someone’s life when they would have to rush out of the house in the middle of the night. Most times, it involved an emergency of some sorts.The usual A&E rush, the cravings rush and most important of them all, the all nighter in the library rush.

You have been debating for over an hour now if you should make a dash to the library. Your exhausted body screaming at you to just curl up into a ball and sleep- or cry, whichever came first. However your consciousness, and the fact that your anxiety was at an all time high, was telling you to just suck it up and go get your books from the library. That coupled with your approaching deadline. And to be honest you knew exactly what you would end up doing. After all, your grades could not afford to take a fall. Not worse than what they’ve dropped to now. Anymore and you would flunk the year completely.

But do you really need that book? Your brain tried it’s last card on you. You could technically just stay in, bury yourself in your blankets like the Michelin man, and write your essay that way. Sighing, you rubbed your tired eyes and got up grabbing your prized pen, the one that got you through your first and second year of exams, a couple of pieces of paper just in case, and your laptop. A trek to the library it is.

The spring air was doing a good job of waking you up. The light breeze, warm enough to not make you die of cold, but cold enough to cool down your tired flushed face. The 10 minutes it took to walk from your accommodation to the library was enough for you to steel yourself against an all nighter of studying.

What you had expected when you went in was anything but a packed library with students quietly studying. The noises of scratching pens and the rhythmic click-clacking of keyboards creating a mellow background noise. Some were dozing off, and you could not blame them, but holy hell could they not have done that at home? Okay, maybe you were judging, but could anyone blame you? You were desperate for a space and by the looks of the rows of heads between the shelves, there was a slim chance you would actually get a seat somewhere. If needed, you knew you could just crouch in between the shelves near the section that housed the maps, but you did not feel like inhaling dust and sporting a cramped leg for the rest of the night.

“Oh come on! This is a big library, there must be a seat somewhere” you whispered to yourself quietly, your eyes scanning the 3rd floor of the library. Aha! There. By the will of the gods, there was a seat, a lone corner at a table that was packed to the brim. You hastily made your way before anyone could spring out of nowhere and claim it, and slammed your butt down on the seat sighing in satisfaction. You’d made it. The first task done. Proud of yourself, you opened up your laptop and pulled the document you had been writing on. The bold letters at the top stating you NEEDED to get that specific book. A harsh reminder that the second task now would be even more difficult. Hunting for a book in this mammoth of a place. But what if you lost your spot? You needed your laptop to search for the book and to be honest you did not trust your laptop to not be stolen. You groaned to yourself, once again debating whether or not you needed the book

You finally decided that the book was non-negotiable and so you quickly grabbed your pen, with the promise to yourself that you would not get lost in the maze of shelves and interesting literature. Hastily writing a ‘will be back’ note, you slammed the pen down on top of the paper and rushed out of your seat.

The library atmosphere was quiet, despite the space being full of poor students who were rushing to meet a deadline or had exams coming up soon. Perusing the shelves, taking note of names that may interest you further on in your degree or even just as personal pleasure, you basked in the quietness and the dimness of the space. You loved the library at night, sure, but not when you were in a rush to finish a paper and not when exam and deadlines season pushed everyone and their mother to cram themselves in the space like sardines. Overall though, the space was dark and quiet just as you liked it.

Finally arriving at the area that was of interest to you, you stood in front of the row of shelves, a slow grin forming on your face. It was perfect, 4 rows of untouched literature. And you had all the time in the world.

Except...you didn’t. “Fuck” you cursed to yourself. You knew you did not have the time and you promised yourself you would not do this. Looking down at your watch, you let out another curse. “Fuck”. It had taken you half an hour to get here, the digital face of your watch showing 12.30am. “Oh man, I did it again” muttering to yourself, you turned your back towards the interesting titles that were calling your name and focused on the one book you actually needed.

Only to not find it on the shelf. Just your luck. “What am i supposed to do now?” dejectedly sighing you slowly made your way back to your seat. All you could think about was the missing book on the shelf.

How were you supposed to be finishing your paper now? Suddenly the quiet and calm atmosphere became gloomy and dark, this was not going very well for you. So lost in your thought you almost walked by your spot. Stopping right on time you looked to the side only to do a double take. It was not your spot anymore, the leather jacket as well as the mop of dark hair that could be seen occupying the seat was definitely not you. You double checked the area making sure you did not stray away again and somehow landed in the wrong spot but no. That was definitely the desk you had placed your note on.

It was just missing the note and seating another person now. Today was definitely not your day. The last thing you wanted to do at this time of the night, especially when you were in a hurry to finish and hand in your paper, was to be civil. But that was your seat. You refused to slouch in between the shelves and cram a seven thousand word paper tonight. You’ve done it enough times in the past for your bum and back to already be screaming at you in protest. Taking a deep breath in, you steeled yourself and approached the seat stealer.

The closer you got, the better the view of the seat stealer. Goddamn they were handsome. At least the side profile was something to enjoy looking at, but that did not change the fact that they had stolen your seat and were comfortably spread out onto the desk casually typing away at their laptop.

To top it all off, as if the scene was not enough to taunt your nerves, they were humming quietly to the beat that you could faintly hear coming from their headphones. And if you were to admit it to yourself, which you would not, they were very good at said humming.

“Uhm...excuse me” your voice cracked, having not been used for a couple of hours. You could not afford to seem meek in front of them, cute as hell and a great hummer be damned, they would not get the satisfaction of seeing you flustered. Truth be told, you hated confrontation. It was the last thing you resorted to under normal circumstances, let alone now when you were tired and stressed. Standing up straighter you tried again, “Excuse me!”

They made no move to acknowledge you or your shadow that cast now over the desk, as if you were both one and the same. Frustrated, you let out a huff and reached out to tap their shoulder. However, as if the fates had it out for you today, the humming seat stealer also came to life, moving his head towards your outstretched hand as they went to grab for their notebook and pen. That motion combined with yours caused a painful collision for the both of you. As it had not gotten a chance to change trajectory towards their shoulder, your unprepared hand bent awkwardly as it made contact with the side of the person’s head. A loud “oh fuck” chorused from the both of you, as both parties retracted as if burnt. Had you mentioned it was not your day?

“Is there a reason why I’m being assaulted at...1am on a Tuesday in the library?”. the seat stealer asked as he turned around to face you completely. He finally had a voice as well, and it was just as nice as the humming. Scrunching your nose in annoyance, you took a deep breath in prepared to tell him off. Not only was HE the one assaulting your hand but also your well deserved seat. Only to do the stereotypical double take. The mop of hair hid a very handsome face. High cheekbones and a pointed nose, your eyes trailed further down to his long neck and toned body. “Uh…” the stranger, seat stealer muttered, his hand going to scratch awkwardly at his long neck. Your brain agreed, “Uh…” you smartly copied snapping your eyes back at the face. You had clearly been caught staring judging by the smug smirk the person had on their face. Not only that but you had managed in a few minutes to smack a total stranger and display copious amounts of intelligence whilst trying your hand at a smart rebuttal to their question.

“So, now that I have your attention. Care to tell me why you are assaulting me at 1am on a Tuesday?” The tone of voice was less alarmed, more amused now. As if he clearly found your embarrassment entertaining.

“Assault? I have not assaulted you….you seat stealer!” You furiously exclaimed only to be interrupted by an equally stressed out fellow student“, Keep it down”. Only then did you become aware of the situation you are in. Three other rows of desks near the one you were currently at, and each of them seated a student who, like you, probably either had exams or deadlines. They were sleep deprived, hungry, and probably had too much caffeine running through their blood for their own good. And they were all focused on your form. To embarrass you further, the seat stealer even had the audacity to smugly smile and whisper “yeah, shhhhh.”

Getting redder by the minute, whether in mortification at being told off by the student a few rows away from you or from increasing anger at the seat stealer, you bent down, eyes narrowed “you….you...shush, and whilst you are at it, get out of my seat, you seat stealer”. You were unsure whether your shouted whisper would sound menacing enough to convey the mixture of emotions running through your veins at the moment. The stranger’s smug smile dropped instantly, a look of confusion replacing it, “seat stealer? What is that about?”

“You stole my seat!”

“I did not. The seat was free. If you passed by it, it was free and you didn’t sit down or leave your stuff on the chair; it doesn't automatically make it yours.” The stranger shrugged carefully, studying your expressions. What he saw must have really amused him because he started snickering to himself. Getting redder by the minute your rebuttal was weak, if only you’d have thought about it beforehand.

“I only have my laptop on me! And I left a note and my precious pen on the desk! A note which you have thrown out to steal my seat.” That is when it all went downhill. “you ‘strange seat stealer’!” the snickers coming from the handsome man got even more violent, to the point of you worrying about him choking- had you not been angry at him you would have asked if he was ok. Unfortunately, you were angry and nothing he did could have solved that.

The stranger abruptly stood up, so close to your face that you could see the numerous lashes that shadowed his dark eyes, amusement still plastered onto his face. He grabbed your elbow lightly, giving you a chance to break free if needed, but you were so stunned by his actions that all you could do was question how handsome his angular face was. “You’re cute, and that was a smart, if odd, alliteration you made there” He breathed, the action making a stray strand of hair blow away from your face, “but we’re making a scene”.

“Wh-” before you could process what he’d said, he trailed his hand from your elbow to your own hand and lightly gripped it with the intention of moving you away. The sudden jolt sprung your brain back to life and you tried fruitlessly to pull your hand away from his grip. Unfortunately, your brain decided to work a bit too late, as you were already past the rows of desks and shelves of books, closer to the lift lobby on that floor. “I am not making a scene, you are making a scene. Who are you to get me away from my seat not only once, but twice?!” Your feet firmly planted on the ground and finally got the stranger to stop. “I don’t know who you are” as he made a move to talk, you interrupted “and I don’t care, I saw that seat first, left a note on it to say I was going to be back and you stole it! I need the space!”

“Why?” The stranger calmly asked. His face showed no signs of anger or frustration, and it seemed like it belonged like that, serene and peaceful. And it made you wonder if anything could ever anger this man. Sure, you did not know him but you had been yelling in his face for the past minute. His demeanour and question threw you off so much so that your brain once again hiccuped.

“What do you mean why?”

“I mean why do you NEED the space, it’s clear that you do not have a bag or any belongings for that matter.” He gave you a once over to emphasize his words, his calm eyes lingering a bit too long on your form for your anger to continue overriding the flustered mess that you had become. “I- I do!” You don’t know why you needed to prove yourself to him, but it was a valid question he’d asked. So, you showed him the arm he was not holding, that carried a laptop. Realising he was still holding onto your hand, the sudden thought made you suddenly hot and clammy and before he could do anything about it you pulled it out of his warm hold.

Trying to ignore the loss of warmth the contact brought you, you looked away flustered.

“This cannot be happening. Look, I sat down there first, I put a note down because I needed to go find a book for my essay and….oh god...it’s due in like…..five hours”. Not looking at him the entire time you explained your situation to him, frustration and anxiety taking over your anger you missed the worried look he threw at your red face and the slight movement he made with his hands as if to grab your fretting ones. Instead when you looked back at him after a couple of moments of silence, what you saw was him studying the space behind you closely. “Hey! Are you even listening?” You got over your anger and tried to explain, (not that you needed to) somewhat logically to make this person understand why you needed the seat back and all they did was ignore you.

“Have you found the book that you needed?” He turned his attention back to you, a small smile forming onto his face. You did not know whether it was the fact that he completely ignored what you had said earlier, the untimely smile he gave you, or the fact that your heart sped up at the said smile, but your anger went through the roof once again.

“No! Now excuse me whilst I go reclaim my seat. If you want to waste time out here just staring at the walls, that is your issue, some of us have problems they need to fix.” Making a move to turn around you halted, realising you were going the wrong way. Mumbling to yourself you brushed past the guy and headed for the lifts. Calling the lift you tapped your foot impatiently. You could find another seat somewhere else, and if not, you were desperate enough to finish the paper that you would risk your own bottom and sit in between shelves. It felt like an eternity until the lift arrived and as soon as you got in you pressed the button for the floor above you thinking you may have some luck there. Surveying the corridor you noticed that the guy had left, and surprisingly a twinge of disappointment made you sigh. You just wanted to continue the argument, nothing else.

Right before the doors to the lift could close though a running form made its way to the lift sliding in between the door with swift grace, almost barreling into you. It took you a moment to realise it was the seat stealer with his bags packed up and his laptop in his hands. “What are you doing?” you hissed as you noticed he cancelled your floor and pressed the tower one instead. “Making up for stealing your seat”, he casually replied as he observed the numbers in the lift change.

“By not letting me go find another seat?” you huffed, “you could have just vacated the seat earlier and it would have all been fine.”

“But it wouldn’t have given me an excuse to talk to you for longer than three seconds would it? I’m Hoseok by the way.” He turned and smiled at you, the dimples in his cheeks becoming prominent. Rendered speechless by his forwardness, you did not know how to respond. So you settled onto clearing your throat and willing the blush that was taking over the apples of your cheeks away. Not meeting his eyes and refusing to grant him with the same grace and give him your name, you chose instead to ask where he was planning to take you. His response was just as cryptic as his previous one, “you will see”.

The rest of the way had been spent in silence, you having given up on trying to argue with the seat stealer...Hoseok. You repeated the name in your head multiple times, it suited him. For a brief second you wondered how it would sound if you said it out loud, but you squashed that thought away very quickly. You weren’t friends or even acquaintances so there was no reason for you to do so.

Whilst your brain was running a hundred miles an hour, throughout this time Hoseok took the time to observe you. Undeniably pretty, a smile made its way onto his face as he watched the different faces that you were pulling clearly lost deep in thought. You are cute. He knew that your argument couldn’t even be called as such. To his defense, the seat he had occupied had nothing on it. It was only when he ran back to gather his things and rush back to you that he noticed the note and the pen that were lying on the floor near the foot of the desk. In his haste he had grabbed both of them hoping that if his plan did not work he would have another excuse to approach you at some point. Now, those two items were weighing down in his pocket. Your name, which you had not freely given to him but it was written on the note, burnt into his mind. Maybe he did not need them after all. He would give you your pen back of course, but he would keep the note. It would be good memorabilia in the future.

The lift came to a halt and the doors opened .This time Hoseok did not even hesitate to grab your hand and lead you to your destination as he was afraid you would run away from him. Your heart thumping again at the gesture you let yourself be led by him too astonished to say anything. Who was this human being and why was he so friendly after you’d argued for the good part of an hour. Before you could panic about the time you had lost, Hoseok stopped abruptly.

‘We’re here’ he motioned with his free hand. The one that did not occupy yours.

Realising so you tried to inconspicuously free your hand from his, the astonishment at his behaviour quickly turned into amazement at the choice of space he was presenting you with. You were not a fan of the tower as heights were a bit of a stretch for you but the cosy alcove with window seats and the view of the night time sky it provided were enough to make you forget that. “Woah, how did you find this place?”’ You mumbled and quickly went to the window observing the lights of the city behind you. For how late it was, the scenery down below was surprisingly animated. Not getting a response you turned around thinking he had abandoned you there. What you were not expecting was the bashful look he was giving you whilst rubbing the back of his neck. “Uhm, by mistake really, I just happened to wander here one day and yeah...thought it was quiet enough and...well, I needed to make up for the fact that you did not have a seat in the end and you said you needed to finish your paper and…yeah’

Him reminding you of the paper that was now due in less than three hours made you jump in panic. Without thinking you threw your laptop onto the little table space that the alcove offered and sat down. Typing your password you opened the document you were working on. Whilst waiting for it to load you hesitated, bit your lip and looked up.

“Are you not going to sit down? I assume you also have work to do since you are here?” Without looking, you motioned to the seat directly across from you. This could end up being the best decision of your life or your worst... but you came to the conclusion you wouldn’t know unless you took a chance. Hearing him shift his feet and the feel of his knees close to yours as he sat down was enough to make you blush again. Here it goes, now or never.

‘I’m Y/N by the way’ you looked up in time to see him smile.

‘I know’

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[sugas-sweetheart]

Take a Break || Sugawara Kōshi

Not me being inspired at 2am by @ordinary-ace’s suga drabble from the other week, the comfort oneshot I reblogged by @blushingbaka and the fact that my parents think I’m overworking myself and I was very stressed about my exams 😼 and even with all that work my physics exam the other day didn’t make much sense at least exams enDED YESTERDAY -  so I wrote this and spat it out for you all, enjoy x

It had been multiple hours since you fled the living room to finish your essay, knowing that if you had stayed in his arms a little longer you’d be asleep. The dusty haired student had started to grow concerned over your recent habits: wake up, go to lectures, come home, work until you ate together, and off to work again. He had noticed growing dark circles around your eyes and a lack of engagement in simple conversations, how you were getting through your lectures in this state was a wonder to him. 

This year had been difficult, almost all students had a plethora of work to get through and he knew you worked hard, but he had never seen you work this hard. Even with exams and normal work, Suga was able to make time for himself and you, so just how much extra work were you doing. 

It was a Friday evening, he knew you liked to get work out of the way before the weekend, but maybe stopping before it hit 1am tonight would be a good idea. Clad in his large sage coloured hoodie and grey sweatpants, he started making his way from the kitchen to the small desk in the corner of the shared bedroom. 

He leaned against the door frame, arms folded across his chest, and opted to just admire you as you worked, eyes concentrated, fingers tapping away and only pausing to jot something down on the notebook laid out next to you. You’d sometimes pause to rub your eyes before returning to your work; it was evident that you were growing more tired as the minutes went by.

“As proud of you as I am, I think you should take a break from studying.” Suga’s pleas went unnoticed as music flowed through the earphones that were snug in your ears and had been for an obscene amount of hours now.

He quickly grew tired of being unheeded by you in your exhausted state and quietly stepped closer to the desk until he was stood behind you. The former setter carefully tugged the earbuds out, placing them on the desk and placed his chin on your shoulder.

“I’ll repeat what I said when you had them in, as proud of you as I am, I think you need to take a break” was whispered into your ear as youd topped typing and stared straight ahead.

“Ko, I have so much to get through” you argued back and began to type again. You could feel your eyes watering, If you stopped for too long they would begin to flow and you were not about to cry in front of him or about this insipid assignment.

A soft pressure from his lips was placed against your temple, the comforting and velvety feeling eased the band of tension running across your head slightly. Moving a calloused hand to your cheek, he carefully pulled your face towards him so that he could look at you and ran his hand under your eyes and across your cheek. Your eyes drifted shut from the familiar and reassuring touch that he provided and once again you could feel the streams of tears waiting to be released.

“You’ve been working very hard, sweetheart, and I just want you to look after yourself” he proceeded to run his thumb across the cheek he held as he awaited a response. Just cherishing how you looked in the combination of moonlight that poured through the window, and the blue light of your computer.

“So much work has been piling up and then there’s exams, I don’t know if I can get through it all” that was the moment that you opened your eyes to look up at his hazel ones. Then, the first tear fell, slowly and steadily, all the way down till his thumb wiped it away.

His eyes widened slightly at the prospect of you being so stressed that it made you cry.

“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay. shh,” his words were quiet but impactful as he lightly pushed your face into his chest and he held you as your arms moved to grip onto his hoodie. “I’m right here, you can get through it. I know you can, honey, okay?”

All was quiet apart from the light shushing that fell from his lips and a faint sniffling sound coming from you. He continued to pet your hair to calm you, until the idea of making you comfy and taking you away from your work seemed like a good idea. 

“Let’s get you out of these clothes and I’ll meet you in bed with some tea, hmm how does that sound?” Hearing his soft voice again brought your face out of his chest as you slowly nodded to his proposition. He pulled away from you to grab a large hoodie of his from the other side of the room and placed it on the bed for you. He moved towards the door whilst giving a reassuring smile and stating he’d be back quickly.

Deciding to actually listen to his instruction, you plodded over to your draws getting out comfy clothes and topped it off with his charcoal coloured hoodie. The soft fabric of his fit comfortably and your senses were filled with the smell of fresh laundry and sweet mint.

As you settled into your side of the bed, the door was lightly pushed open, silver locks and pulled up green sleeves peaked round the door with two cups. A smile was on his face. He joined you, handed you a mug of tea and started playing a relaxing playlist quietly in the background.

He pulled your form close, keeping an arm around you as you snuggled into him. Steam rose, helping to clear your head, and a low, steady hum was heard.

Only partially through your tea and head resting on Suga’s shoulder, your eyes started closing as the rhythm of his heart and humming sent you into your slumber. He moved your mug onto the bedside table you to avoid you dropping it and placed a light kiss on your forehead; he decided to follow you in his own tired state but not before uttering the words “I love you.”

Taglist: @justamultifandomfan16 @shoutamajiki @meliorist-midoriya @goopyartiste @yee-harr @bizzoldmann-08 @katsushimaa @mystic-helena @hannahalanib1 @ordinary-ace @boosyboo9206 @derpeedoo @estridries @spookykiri

[scarletwinterxx]

Timeless pt. 3 - Doyoung AU

First, I apologize for the long wait. I’ve been busy this past week, been meaning to write more but I just couldn’t fit in my schedule. Thank you for waiting and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!! xx -A

For my other work you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2020 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART TWO.5 || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE || PART SIX || FINALE

“I should not be here”

This time instead of saying it in my mind, I uttered the words outloud, Not that the person I was saying it to was even listening

“Joy, can you even hear me? Gosh I feel like my ears are about to pop” I said as I shake my head, the bass from the speakers feel like it was right next to my ears

Why did I agree to go out tonight with Joy was a wonder to me, I could be at home right now catching up on some sleep I’ve been deprived of for so long. 

“Just drink, here” she didn’t even hear my previous question so she just handed me a shot glass. Gesturing for me to take it, I rolled my eyes at her before throwing my head back and downing the shot at once

“That’s my girl! Look we have like two more days before graduation then we’re done with school. Forever! If that does not make you want to party then I don’t know what will” she said, already asking the bartender for another round of shots

“Can we celebrate two days from now?” I asked, but again she just handed me another glass. One turned into two which then turned into three until I lost count.

“We deserve this, you need this. Just don’t think about anything else for now okay?” that was all it took for Joy to finally convince to just let go, even just for tonight. And she is right, I needed this.  

By the end of the night we were both a giggling mess, I don’t even remember what we’re laughing about. 

“Yah Soo Young-ah, how will we go home?” I asked with a pout, I was pretty out of it but I guess my common sense was still working

“Call your fiance, ooooh yes let’s do that. You haven’t seen him since your date”

“It wasn’t a date” I mumbled, slumping on my seat then taking my phone from my purse. 

She was right, I haven’t seen Doyoung since our little trip and that was a couple of weeks ago. He’s been busy at work and it was hectic for me too. I was swarmed with requirements, projects, exams and papers I needed to finish in order to finally graduate. It’s a wonder how I survived all of that with little to no sleep at all. 

With my clumsy hands, I searched for Doyoung’s name on my phone before pressing the call button. 

It was pretty late, around 1am. I didn’t expect him to answer but a big part of me was hoping he will. 

“Y/N?” I hear his voice from the other side of the call, he didn’t sound like he just woke up. It really wouldn’t surprise me if he was still up and working. 

“Doie!! You answered” I happily replied, it was obvious it was the alcohol talking

“It’s 1am, are you out? I can hear music” I could barely hear him too so I decided to stand up from the bar and walk outside

“I’m out with Joy, I was suppose to be take us home but I don’t even remember where we are”  I let out a giggle when I finished talking, definitely drunk at this point

For awhile I didn’t hear anything from him, I thought he hung up the phone

“Okay, can you just stay there until I figure out where you are?”

“Oooh you’re coming?” I asked, a wide smile now on my face

“If you tell me where you are, are you outside right now?” he asked back

“Yes”

“What do you see, any street sign?

“Uhhh wait I see a convenient store across the street” I hear a sigh from the other side of the line

“Y/N, there are convenient stores everywhere. Is there anything else?”

“We took a cab from Joy’s place, she said something about uh... near the fire restaurant” I said trying to remember what Joy said but my mind was too hazy

“Fire restaurant? You mean Ember?” Doyoung asked, it was like a light bulb turned on in my head

“Ah! Yea that one!” I said while laughing, atleast one of us found it funny

“Okay, I know where that is. Please stay there and stay safe. I’ll call you when I get there”

“Okay”

After the call I went back inside to find Joy leaning her head on the table, she looked like she’s about to pass out

“Ya, wake up. What are you doing?” I told her, giving her a poke on the side

“I just want to sleep. Leave me alone” Joy said then swatted her hand away, she then shot right up making me jump back

“Okay, let’s have another drink. For you and your wedding”

“My wedding?”

“Yes, your wedding. Cheers” we downed yet another shot, knowing full well this will not end great for the both of us. We’ll definitely feel like hell tomorrow. 

After a couple more drinks, the both of us were definitely out of it. If anyone asks me for my name I probably would take a while to remember it. 

“I’m getting married?” I asked her, she just looked at me like I was asking such a stupid question

“Oh my god! You forgot? Look at your finger, Y/N”

When I raised my hand I see a diamond ring on my finger, just like Joy said

“Wow, this is pretty”

“My bestfriend’s going to get married” Joy cheered loudly

“Wait wait wait, who am I going to get married to?” I asked her,

“Him” she said, jutting her chin at something behind me

“Huh?”

“That one, that angry looking guy walking towards us. I think. I’m not sure”

“Where?” Just as I turn around to see who she was referring, a tall person blocked my view

“Excuse me, I’m trying to see the angry guy”

“Y/N” I hear Joy say from behind me

“What? I’m trying to see who I’m getting married to. Excuse me, mister can you move” I said then moved my head to the side

“Y/N” this time it was the guy who was standing infront of me calling out my name, making me look up at him

“Oh! I know you!”

“Yah Y/N, that’s the guy! You’re getting married to him!” Joy not so subtly whispered to me, the guy infront of us looking between us

“Him? No way! I know him, I know you. Don’t I?” I said pointing back and forth between Joy and the guy infront of me

“I know you from somewhere, wait let me think. Hey! That’s my bag” The guy sling my bag on his shoulder then took a hold of my arm then Joy’s

“Everything alright here?” The lady bartender asked

“Yes, she’s my fiance. Has everything been paid for?” The guy answered before either of us could speak

The lady bartender shot him a look before turning to me, “You know him?”

“Me? Uh-” “Yes she knows him, look look this is their engagement ring. Pretty isn’t it” Joy interrupted me by bringing my hand up to show off the ring on my finger

“Look here, is this proof enough? She’s safe with me, she called me to come and get her” The guy showed something from his phone, the lady bartender then only nodded in our direction before going back to her work

“You two, let’s go” the guy said then guided the two of us out the bar and into his car

Joy got dropped off first then it was just me and him. I didn’t feel worried or alarmed that I’m literally drunk out of my wits and here I am with a guy whose identity I can’t remember. There was just this sense of comfort and security about him I can’t explain. 

“You alright there?” the guy asked, I know that voice. My drunk mind just can’t seem to pinpoint who he is. 

Then it clicked. 

What happened these past weeks, why I was out drinking, why I haven’t talked to Doyoung in those weeks and why this guys seemed so familiar. 

I turned my head to look at him, his gaze focused on the road. 

“Y/N?” Doyoung called out my name, it sounded so gentle as if he was trying not to scare me away

“You came” I told him, I wasn’t sure if he even heard me 

“You’re the one who called me”

“I just wasn’t sure if you were really going to come” I sounded like a kid who wasn’t expecting their parent to come to their recital

“You’re the one whose been avoiding me these past few weeks, I don’t even know why”

“Only because you’ve been mean to me” I mumbled, I can see him give me a quick look

“How exactly have I been mean to you? You’re the one who hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts. I even went to your apartment but you weren’t there, or you just didn’t open the door”

Maybe it’s the combination of the alcohol and weeks worth of stress because the next thing I know I was bawling my eyes out. Like legit crying and wailing. 

“You... I.... I heard you say you... do you hate me?” I said in between hiccups, in the end I just couldn’t even complete the question

“Where did you even get that?”

“You! You’re the one who said you hated me! I heard you say it in your office when you were talking to Sejeong” 

I didn’t hear Doyoung say anything for a while and I was too out of it to think more, so I just sat there crying my emotions out while he drives. 

After a few more minutes, Doyoung pulled up in a building and parked his car. Quickly running to my side to help me out. 

“i can do it on my own” I mumbled but just as I step one foot on the ground the other one didn’t feel like cooperating so I stumbled a bit. If it wasn’t for Doyoung’s arm that was out and ready to catch me if I fall, I would’ve face-planted in the floor

“Clearly not, atleast let me help you” He said as he pull my arm to him to help me walk a little safer

“No, you hate me. You said that”

“Y/N-ah” he said looking down at me, like a kid who was being told off I felt like crying again. So I did.

I hear him sigh, resting a hand on his car while the other one holds me steady

“Just go, if you don’t want to be here” I whispered but instead of letting me go he just pulled me to him and lead me inside the elevator up to my apartment

“I can’t leave you when you’re like this and I would appreciate it if you stop putting words in my mouth”

I didn’t say anything after that, the fatigue and everything else catching up to me. I was just about ready to pass out right then and there. I don’t know if I would even remember half of the conversation we’re having right now. 

When we got to my place, Doyoung opened the door for us. Helping me sit on the couch before walking somewhere. I hear him opening some cabinets from the other room before returning with a glass of water

“Drink all of this so you won’t feel as bad tomorrow, I’ll go see if you have some medicine just in case” He said then walked away again before I could say anything

After finishing my glass of water, I decided to walk to my room as I was feeling really sleepy. When I got it my room, I shook my coat of and jumped on the bed already half asleep. I head Doyoung enter the room but I didn’t open my eyes, too tired from everything that happened today.

I feel him lift up the blanket to tuck me under it, making sure I was comfortable. When I can feel my self dozing of I feel a wet thing touch my face, then the familiar smell of my make up remover invaded my sense of smell.  Sometime during that I passed out.

By the time morning came, my head hurt so much I couldn’t be bothered to think how I got home. I assumed Joy got us an uber or something. The curtain was only halfway drawn so there some light entering the room, it hurt my eyes and my brain feels like it’s just about to explode. Just as I was about to fall back to sleep I hear something from outside somewhere in my apartment. I don’t live with anyone else, who would be here this early in the day?

I stood up and walked out of my room, the sight that welcomed me was a shock. It was Doyoung standing in the middle of my kitchen, cooking something with my bright yellow apron on him.

“Doyoung?” I croaked out making him turn to where I was currently standing

“You’re awake, go sit I’m almost done” he said then turned his attention back on the stove

“Uh why and how are you here? In my apartment” 

“You don’t remember?”

“What? Did I do something stupid? say something stupid?” I said getting alarmed by what happened the previous night

“Something like that, we can talk about it after you eat and take a medicine for that headache” he answered me, walking to the counter and putting a bowl of what looks like hangover soup infront of me. 

I said a low thank you before taking the spoon and eat the soup he prepared. I hear him walk down the hallway before returning to my side and taking a seat beside me. “Medicine for you” he said void of any emotion. 

I must have said or done something. Everything about this situation seemed off, I can just tell, he didn’t sound mad but it’s like he’s also holding himself back from saying something. 

We spent the rest of mealtime in peace, while putting away the dished we used I could just feel Doyoung’s stare from behind. Wiping my hand on the towel, I turned to face him and sure enough he was leaning with his back on the counter, arms crossed and an intense stare on his face

“Okay, go. Lay it all on me. What did I do?” I said, there was no use beating around the bush

“Remember your 20th birthday?” Doyoung asked me, but before I could give him an answer he was speaking again

“You went out with Joy that time, you had one too many bottles of soju. Joy had to call me to come and pick you up. You were so out of it, you probably don’t remember anything from that night”

And he’s right, up to this day I don’t know what I said that night. Joy keeps on making jokes about it but there’s also something she’s not telling me about that day. 

“You wouldn’t let go of my arm, you were just clinging onto me. Every time we tried to make you seat at the backseat you would start crying, Joy had to drive the car back to your place. The whole ride you were just holding onto me” 

My cheeks were flaming from the embarrassment. I don’t remember ever doing that. I feel horrified just thinking about it. 

“I helped you sit on the couch, went and got you a glass of water but when I came back you were passed out on the couch. You looked so peaceful that time”

“Joy told me why you were out drinking, said something about you being broken hearted and all that. You needed that break, I don’t know if you heard her but suddenly you woke up and pulled on my hand, looked me dead in the eye and said ‘I’m sad’. I asked why and all you said was ‘because you love her’. At first I didn’t get what you were saying, turning to Joy to ask what you were talking about”

“You heard us didn’t you?” he asked me

“Huh?”

“At my office, you were there. You heard us” he told me, I couldn’t even look up to him but I could feel his gaze on me

THREE WEEKS AGO

After the little get away trip with Doyoung, I felt more at ease. Even when I have tons of work to do before graduation, that one day trip was enough relaxation time for us.

It so happens that I don’t have any class today so I decided to drop by his office, it wasn’t that far of a drive from where I live and it was around lunch time. I should’ve called first and checked with him but I wanted it to be a surprise.

Turns out I was the one going to be surprised when I get there.

When I got to their building, I made my way to the elevator and up to the floor where Doyoung’s office was. I’ve only been here a couple of times, my dad always took me with him whenever he had some business to take care of.

“Hi, is Doyoung in?” I asked his secretary, pointing to his office

“Mr. Kim? Yes, he’s currently in his office” I blushed a bit when she said Mr. Kim, I almost forgot that this is the life that Doyoung lives whenever he’s in the office. Not as Doyoung but as Mr. Kim.

“Oh okay, is he busy or in a meeting?”

“No ma’am, you can wait here. I’ll go ahead and phone you in, he’s talking to someone right now” she told me with a smile, I also managed to catch her eyes wandering on my finger.

“Thank you” I quickly returned with a smile before taking a seat nearby “Excuse me, may I ask where the comfort room is?”

“It’s pass that door straight in that hallway, the door on your right” I mumbled a quick thank you before walking towards the direction she just said. The hallway just happen to be near where Doyoung’s office was, with his door bit ajar I could overhear the conversation going on as I pass by.

I wasn’t going to listen. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but then I heard my name being mentioned

“When you said Y/N was just a friend, that was never the case was it?” I hear a female voice asked

It was clear enough that whoever and whatever they were talking about in there, it was more personal rather than business.

“She is my friend, we’ve known each other for so long” I hear Doyoung say

“But even when we were together, she was always in the middle. Like we knew it was inevitable. Did you know?”

“Know what?”

“Of the engagement, Doyoung!”

“No I didn’t! Neither did she. If I had a choice do you think this is how I would have wanted to tell you? It was beyond my control” Doyoung exclaimed, he didn’t sound mad. He just sounded frustrated.

“That hurt, it hurt so much when I heard about the engagement. It even hurt more when I learned about it while I was scrolling through the morning news. When I called you, I was hoping you’d say it’s just another one of those things they made up”

“I’m sorry if you feel that way”

“If she wasn’t your friend, would you have said yes?”

“I don’t know the answer to that”

“It’s a simple question” I didn’t stay to hear what his answer would be, I don’t think I could handle it so I just left.

“I didn’t mean to”

“I don’t hate you, I never said I hated you. I never did and I never will. This situation we’re in? yes I hate it because I don’t want this to be the reason for you to be mad at me” at this I looked up at him, slightly taken aback by what he just said

“I take it as you didn’t hear what I told her since you’ve been ignoring me since that day” he told me, I can’t say no because he was right

“I don’t think I could handle to hear whatever your answer was” I mumbled

“If I had a choice... I would have asked her to marry me but on my terms. Not like this. That’s what I said ” I looked up at him to see if he was joking or not, but I was just making myself more anxious. 

This is Doyoung, he would never joke about things like this.    

“You’re the only person that would hear me even when I’m not speaking, you don’t push me to do things I don’t want to. You’re on my side not because you need something from me. To you, I’m this guy that always persuaded to switch lunch meals with you but I only did that because I knew you didn’t like yours. To you, I’m that person you feel safe with. You would always hold on to the end of my shirt and curl your fingers around it whenever we’re in a crowded place or you feel anxious.”

He took a pause, walking a bit closer to me making me shuffle backwards until my back hit the counter, 

“But next time.. next time when you feel anxious or it feels like you need a safe space just hold my hand. I’ll be there”

“Doyoung”

“I’m sorry you were sad again because of me. And because of Sejeong, too. But please never say that I hate you, Okay?”

He put a hand under my chin to lift it up, now we’re looking at each other

“I meant it when I said I’m glad you’re the one I’m marrying, I hope you are too” he took my hand and lift it up to his lips, laying a gentle peck just where my ring was. 

“Next time something like this bothers you, just talk to me okay? Please don’t shut me out, I understand if you need some time for yourself but know that I’m here to listen” Doyoung told with nothing but sincerity in his eyes

“Did I say something so stupid last night?” I asked, this made him laugh out loud before pulling me in for a tight hug. Tucking me under his chin, my head on the crook of his neck. 

“Yes, lots of times actually. You really said I hated you, silly girl” I feel him pat me on the head before resting it on my back

“From now on, let’s stay together like this okay?” He whispered, his hand running up and down my back in a comforting manner. 

I wanted nothing more than to stay like this with him for the rest of the time. All the worries I had these past weeks now washed away. 

[fan-fantasies]

Truth Hurts (P.8)

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, guys! I tried to make this angsty but it’s not my strong suit so I hope I did you proud! -Heather

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Smutty themes, swearing, angst

Rating: PG-15

Masterlist   Marvel Masterlist 

Part 7 // Part 9

You sat in silence as you thought about the events of the mission. You completely tuned Ryan out as he rambled on about some guy he went to med school with. You didn’t want to go to his place, you’d much rather be in your own room so you could think properly.

Did you actually like Bucky? Maybe. Did you want to fuck Bucky? Definitely. Did he feel the same way about you? Probably not. The only thing you knew was that you didn’t want to be with Ryan. He was good looking and successful but it just didn’t click. He didn’t like the real you; the sloppy and sleepy badass that Bucky the team got to see. He liked the put together, obedient lady that you had become for him.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem out of it,” Ryan’s voice snapped you back to reality.

“I’m just thinking is all,” you sighed.

“Well don’t worry that pretty little head about anything. I’m gonna cook and take care of you tonight,” he smiled. You forced a smile in return and turned back towards the window. In a matter of minutes, he was pulling into a garage and parking the car. You let him lead you up to his apartment which was very nice you had to admit. He told you to get comfortable while he started on dinner but you knew you had to get the conversation over with.

“Ryan, we need to talk.”

Bucky’s POV

His eyes scanned the bar looking for someone who seemed somewhat interesting. While talking wasn’t what he had in mind, he liked someone he could have a short conversation with. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of (y/h/c) hair and his heart nearly stopped. His head whipped towards the person but he sighed when he realized that it wasn’t you. The woman looked like you and was laughing along with her friends.

Her hair was perfectly done and her makeup was pretty caked on. Her dress was clinging to every inch of her body like a second skin. While she did look like you in some ways, she just wasn’t you. You were messy, hair in disarray and clothes disheveled. Bucky could count the times he had seen you in makeup on one hand. He told himself to stop thinking about you and that this stand-in would have to work.

He crossed the room and put on the most dazzling smile he could muster. The girl was putty in his hands in seconds. You were never like this, he thought. You never fell victim to his charms as you could see right through his facade. Maybe that’s why Bucky and you didn’t get along that well. He had initially tried to charm you but you laughed in his face and walked off. He could never read you like he could other women. You weren’t going to be easy and Bucky wasn’t up to the challenge at the time so he gave up and decided to upset you instead. And you gave it right back. That’s where your rivalry began.

He tried to think of how annoying you were and how weird you could be. He loved hated it when you’d roll out of bed and practically crawl into the kitchen to get some food, hair sticking every which way and your baggy clothes hanging off of you. He lived for detested the times when you’d watch a movie or your favorite show, mumbling every word along with it. Your laugh was loud and obnoxious, especially when you let yourself be carefree with the team. Bucky could hear it ringing in his head.

“So um did you wanna get out of here?” The girl giggled. He had zoned out while she was talking about her job, a yoga instructor or something, so he could focus on his hatred for you. He felt a little bad for not listening but once again he wasn’t here to talk.

“Yeah, let's go,” he mumbled. He placed a hand on her back and guided her through the bar. Her friends waved and laughed as she exited with him. Bucky couldn’t wait to get back to the compound and fuck her brains out and in turn hopefully forget about you.

Once they were in the car he let her overtake all of his senses. The way her perfume filled the air, her hand on the inside of his thigh like you once had yours, and how her voice was more shrill than yours as she excitedly babbled on about her hometown. When he pulled into the compound he was quick to pull her from the car and slam his lips to hers. They fumbled down the halls with their lips still locked and hands exploring each other’s bodies.

Bucky threw her onto his bed and tore off his own clothes while she worked on hers. He stared at the beautiful woman before him but something was missing, she just wasn’t...right. He told her to get on her hands and knees and took a fistful of her hair. If he didn’t have to look at her face, he could pretend she was you whoever he wanted her to be.

Reader POV

The conversation with Ryan was surprisingly a long one. You explained that you changed how you acted and dressed just to impress him. He was confused at first but after a little more explaining he finally understood. He was flattered that you’d do that to get to know him and even offered to try dating you as you were but you declined. You sighed and told him that you thought you had feelings for someone else and it wouldn’t be fair to him if you just couldn’t give it your all. So after a decent dinner and talk, you politely declined his offer of a ride home and ordered an Uber.

It was nearly 1am when you got back to the compound but sleep was the last thing on your mind. You weren’t sure if you should talk to Bucky about the mission and the feelings or if you should wait for him to come to you. You decided on the former and made your way to his room.

Knock knock knock

No answer.

“Bucky, are you in there?” You whispered loudly. You thought you heard two voices behind the door but you couldn’t be certain. You heard footsteps approaching the door before it was cracked open.

“Didn’t take the good doctor for the type that kicks you out after he fucks you. Did you need something? I’m busy,” he snapped. His hostility was a bit uncalled for but you pushed your own pride aside and focused on what you needed to say.

“I really need to talk to you, can I come in?” You asked. He rolled his eyes and scowled.

“It’s not a good time,” he told you.

“Look, I know everything’s been weird lately but we need to talk about it so I can figure out what I’m feeling,” you sighed.

“You’re probably still feeling Ryan’s cock,” he mumbled. Rage was starting to bubble up inside you and you did your best to push it back down.

“Bucky-“

“Baby, come back to bed.” You tried to look past Bucky but he blocked the door. Your anger turned to humiliation and sickness.

“There’s nothing to talk about and nothing to figure out. Now, why don’t you run back to Ryan?”

“I um broke up with him. Goodnight, Bucky,” you whispered before turning and practically running down the hallway, choking back your tears. The girl came up behind Bucky and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her touch made his skin crawl as he sat there digesting your words.

You broke up with the perfect doctor. The one you worked so hard to get.

Then you came back and wanted to talk to him. You wanted to talk about your feelings...for him.

Bucky didn’t know if he wanted to cry or vomit or pass out. Maybe some combination of all three.

“Baby,” the girl whined.

“I’ll call you a cab,” he mumbled. The girl stepped back with an offended look on her face. Bucky didn’t even have the energy to talk to her or explain himself, not that he felt he needed to. The girl grabbed her clothes and shuffled out of the room to wait in the lobby for her ride.

Bucky sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. What was he supposed to do? Should he go find you? Confess his feelings? Did you even see him the same way after that? He felt bad about how he reacted but he couldn’t un-fuck the girl. He hoped that you would listen to him and somehow both of you could put your pride and ego aside to move forward.

Bucky decided he had to find you before you could sit and wallow in sadness. You’d probably never admit that you were upset but he could see the pain in your eyes when you heard that woman’s voice.

He raced through the halls, not worrying about the noise he was making. He couldn’t care less if he woke anyone up. He needed to get to you. He halted outside your door and didn’t even bother knocking. He threw the door open but was greeted with an empty room.

Where could you be?

----------------

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[exo-sow]

I’ll always trust you - Baekhyun

A/n:  Writing a Mafia!au was a challenge for me. I find this story a bit rough so I’m waiting feedbacks from you guys ! I’m sorry I think I’ve been slow to write this one shot... - Requested by anon.

Genre: Smut, Mafia!au. 

Warning: Hard spanking and tears, Dom!Baekhyun.

Words: 1657

“Where were you ?”

It was the first sentence you heard when you crossed the door at 1am. Only the little light of the living room was turning on. You saw his silhouette in front of you, in a white shirt and a suit pants. Baekhyun was waiting for you. His standing was impressive and you knew what to expect. The anger in his eyes drove you mute as you stared at him with fear.

“Where the fuck were you I said !”

You looked into his eyes, reconstructed yourself. You get straight as you responded.

“I was out in the neighbourhood. I needed fresh air, I couldn’t stay here without seei-”

“Fuck so you don’t understand when I talk to you ! Don’t you understand what means stay inside you for own security?!”

His stare was still on you, you didn’t know what to respond. You felt he was angry, you also discerned disappointment in his voice but you’ve always been big enough to take care of yourself and you didn’t like this situation.

“You want to go out ? Fine I have a meeting with the guys. Come with me.”

It was all he said before he passed beside you and you heard the front door opening. You turned on your heels and followed him knowing you didn’t have a choice.

Everybody was here. Baekhyun, you and the eight other men who constituted the gang. They were happily surprised to see you because you weren’t always here for their meetings. It was nice to see a girl sometimes, plus you were like family to them. Sehun, the one you knew the most, greeted you with a small hug which made you smile before you sat beside him around the large table. However the tension was felt between you and Baekhyun as the meeting began.

“Hyung I think we shouldn’t be too kind with those guys, if we don’t reply now they’ll think they won. Why don’t we change the plan and take our guns to show them who are the bosses in town? Literally they threaten us like they were a hundred and they’re half of us. It would be easy”

Baekhyun picked up his head to look at Sehun with a calm but dark gaze.

“Because that’s not what I decided. Don’t think you can change the plan I made just because you have a sudden urge. Be more thoughtful.”

Your arm were crossed over your chest and your eyes were on the table since the beginning. You huffed ironically at his response.

“What? Do you have something to add?”

You raised your face when Baekhyun talked to you. The tension grown more as you could see the members looking at each others worried about what could happened next.

“Oh if you think I’m grown enough to give my opinion so yes I want to talk.”

“Y/N don’t-”

His eyes blackened and pass through your soul. You didn’t flinch as you cut him short.

“Let Sehun give his opinion ! He’s maybe not 100% right but some points can be took into account. Stop wanting to control everything !”

Your tone increased as your hands were on the table and your chest moved forward him. You were defying him in front of everybody. Your eyes were strict and you knew what you were doing. Even if you knew Baekhyun was protecting you, you needed him to understand your point of view.

“Don’t talk about things you fucking don’t know Y/N ! You don’t even know the entire situation !”

You huffed one more time, you turned away before looking back at him, provocation in your eyes.

“Oh sorry maybe you want me to talk about something I know…  Like how you track me everytime I go out or maybe your lack of confidence in me?”

You crossed it. You crossed the line. Everyone was quiet and Baekhyun kept his calm as his breath was loud. You understood what you did but you didn’t move, it was too late for that so you maintained your position.

“Everybody. Out.”

His eyes were on you as eight bodies stood up and headed for the door. The two of you were holding the sight up. When the door closed Baekhyun stood up and came to you. He didn’t understood why you were being bratty. All he did was to protect you because you were all he has. You went first in his heart and you were all that matter. But now you were a brat and he needed you to remember who were keeping you safe.

“Stand up.”

He was in front of you, his posture threatening. He had his hands in his pockets, you looked at him from bottom to top knowing what will happen next.

You knew Baekhyun would never hurt you, he loved you more than everything so the only way to put you back in place was during the sex. You stood up before him.

“Baek, I swear I didn’t want to-”

His hand went directly on your neck as he spoke to you.

“Shut up ! Don’t call me by nicknames when you behave like that. Now what’s my name?”

You lowered your eyes and you responded.

“Sir.”

“Good girl.”

He smirked at your response and leant forward to kiss you. You closed your eyes as you waited for his lips. When his nose brushed yours he stopped and spoke with a deep voice who took you by surprise.

“However I have to be sure you understood your mistake so you won’t put me in this situation again.”

With a dark stare he unbuttoned your pants and slided both your jeans and underwear down. You yelped in surprise at his action but before you could arguing you were thrown face again the table, ass up. It didn’t take long before you felt the first smack on your buttcheek.

Lips between your teeth, you tried to stay quiet as Baekhyun was slapping you more and more stronger. You didn’t let a sound go out but you could felt the tears running down your face. After what seemed the twentieth slap, Baekhyun stopped and pulled your hair to make you look at him.

“I hope you’ll remember how to behave.”

His hand were to your ass to calm the pain the same hand caused. You let out a whine and you dropped your head on the table as a relief when you felt his now sweet hand on you.

Despite everything your punishment wasn’t done as you heard him unbuckle his belt. You waited for him to touch you and you heard him talk to you.

“Turn around and sit on the table.”

You used your arms to get up. When you sat up on the table you knew this move was a part of his plan. You ass stinged of pain when the first cheek get in touch with the table. You hissed at the sensation as you opened your eyes to saw him naked in front of you.

“I’m sorry Sir I swear-”

Baekhyun was giving you the cold shoulder as he looked into your eyes and took your legs to surround them around his waist. As a reflex your hands went to his back and you were afraid you made a mistake with that gesture. He didn’t respond as he lowered his eyes to look between you, where you two connected as he pushed himself inside of you. The pain on your ass was mixed with the pleasure of his cock. Your eyes were closed, your head leant back and your mouth was wild open as you gasped everytime Baekhyun thrusted inside of you. The new sensation was giving you chills down your spine and his mouth was now on your neck sucking harshly on your skin. The combination of pain and pleasure was intense. His cock filled you perfectly as you heard him grunt when you started clenching around him. You tugged his hair to see his face. You needed his lips on yours. You wanted to prove him you were genuinely sorry by kissing him. When he understood your move his hands went directly on your chest as he pushed you to lean back on the table. His eyes were serious and you were feeling sad that you humiliated him earlier.

“I swear I’m sorry ! I won’t do it again !”

You screamed at him, bordering on crying. Your arms were pinned across your face and Baekhyun started thrusting faster and deeper. His bottom lip were between his teeth as he tried to hide his loud grunts. His rhythm snapped you and you felt you orgasm appearing. Baekhyun was touching your g-spot everytime he thrusted. His eyes were on you when you came, being a moaning mess.

“I love you Baek ! I’m sorry ! I love you so much !”

After you pronounced those words he came inside of you. You felt his seed covering your walls, a loud moan escaping his mouth followed by your name.

He collapsed immediately, letting go of your hands, his lips on yours. The kiss was deep and long as none of you wanted to end this. His tongue was melting against yours and you hummed in satisfaction as you finally felt him. He pulled out reluctantly.

“I’m sorry if I hurted you, I’m really sorry but know that I’ll always trust you. I’m just being protective because you’re the only one I love and if I lose you I have nothing else. You’re my everything and I love you Y/N.”

His hand on your cheek and the look he gave you were the softest things you saw today. The anger was gone as you saw his gaze full of love.  

“I know I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have brought private issues in front of the gang. I love you too Baek.”

You kissed him one more time and he smiled against your lips.

“Now let’s go back home.”

Reblog, like and/or comment if you found it great for you :)

[serendipityswift]

first impressions of lover

ok i’m going to write down my first impressions to each of the songs; mostly for my own good and to get some of these feelings out 

i forgot that you existed: bop! girl is over everything that’s happened to her. it truly feels like her moving on from reputation. she’s still singing about what she sang about in rep, but it just feels lighter? she’s no longer hurting, she truly can’t give a shit about people who fucked her over anymore. 

fav lyric: in my feelings more than drake, so yeah 

cruel summer: single material if i’ve ever heard one! i swear to god if this is another getaway car situation omg... i fucking love this song so fucking much. like, it doesn’t sound sad, but once you hear the lyrics, damn it hurts. she still thinks she’s bad news, like her loving someone will only hurt that person... yeah, ouch. i think sometimes we forget how hard it must’ve been for her to get together with joe, to allow herself to open up again, but this song really shows it. definitely teared up knowing, even just half, of the situation she was in. 

fav lyric: i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you / devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes 

lover: one of my immediate favs on the album. for obvious reasons. my first impression was literally just sobbing lmfao, and being happier for her than i’ve ever really been for myself. 

fav lyric: with every guitar string scar on my hand i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover 

the man: this was one of the song i was most excited for! and she absolutely did not disappoint. like, honestly, looking at her career and the way the media and people perceive her... just imagine if she was a man. look at how fucking successful she is, and the hate she gets, just imagine if she was a man? and it’s things every woman fears, it’s thoughts we all have. the lyrics are so smart and powerful and so, incredibly, true - even if society refuses to admit it. it’s like blank space, but even more mature and just so, insanely smart. also, her use of ‘bitch’ in this song? absolute genius. 

fav lyric: i’m so sick of running as fast as i can, wondering if i’d get there quicker if i was a man / if i was flashing out my dollars, i’d be a bitch not a baller 

the archer: immediately one of my favourite songs she’s ever put out, and still one of my favourites on this album. i’ve never related to a song so much before tbh, like, it may not seem like her saddest song ever, but when it describes everything you’ve been feeling for the last 4 years... it hurts more than any breakup song. the buildup and structure of this song is incredible, and i can’t stress how important it is to me enough. i want to cry every single time i listen to this song sigh, but i’m so grateful to finally have it into words. 

fav lyric: who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? / all my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you / they see right through me, can you see right through me? / all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put me together again / all of my enemies started out friends / cruelty wins in the movies, i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you 

i think he knows: what a fucking bop omg. the sexual innuendos? yes. combined with the innocence? incredible. a little tongue and cheek, makes me smile and bop along to it. the lust and attraction and just all the cute feelings towards someone that we all know. 

fav lyric: lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS ON THE ALBUM, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS OF ALL TIME. i sobbed my eyes out listening to it, sobbing listening to it again. it describes the fear we all felt in 2016, even someone living hours and hours and hours away in nz. the fear we felt for the world and those around us, the anger and fear we still feel every single day. it’s the pain we don’t know how to vocalise, scared we’ll say something wrong and literally get hurt. she’s so brave, this song is so brave. this song is metaphorically, lyrically and sonically incredible. it’s just insane. 

fav lyric: the whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes / i’m feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed. boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?  

paper rings: what. a. fucking. bop. i can’t stop smiling and singing along even though idk the lyrics yet. also, all the references to old songs? and lowkey get fearless vibes but idk if i’m just too tired from it being almost 1am. i adore every single thing about this song. it’s realising you feel more for someone than you thought you did, then realising they’re the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. it’s literally everything. also, the stalking on the internet line? as relatable as any deepcut lyric she’s ever written. 

fav lyric: i like shiny things, but i’ll marry you with paper rings / i’m with you even if it makes me blue

cornelia street: i already knew this was coming, but this is 500% one of my favourite fucking songs of all time. sobbed my eyes out. still crying listening to this again for the second time. the references to other songs, the story of us? god. it describes everything you fucking feel when you just feel so damn much for a person. loving someone so much that a city becomes them, the city that she first arrived in single and represented her freedom. it now is him. when you love someone so fucking much that you know if, just if, they leave you; you’ll be broken forever. and it isn’t like every other time, it’s harder and they hold more of you than you ever thought someone could. it’s running because you’re so scared they’ll leave and you’ll lose everything, then coming back because you trust them enough to think that they’ll stay. but you’re still so fucking scared because they truly have all of you. 

fav lyric: i hope i never lose you, hope it never ends, i’d never work cornelia street again / sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen 

death by a thousand cuts: i was mesmerised by this song. it’s a ‘happy’ sounding sad song. which i love. the juxtaposition of it all. also the entire second verse is literally one of my favourite things i’ve ever heard so tbh that entire verse is my favourite lyric. also, i kind of want someone to sing this as a sad ballad and see what it’s like ahahha 

fav lyric: my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch / our country, guess it was a lawless land / why are my fears at the touch of your hands? / paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans / my time, my wine, my spirit, my trust, trying to find a part of me you didn't take up / gave you so much, but it wasn't enough / i'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

london boy: ALL THE LONDON AND ENGLISH REFERENCES I CAN’T. as someone that lives in nz, the language she uses is so fucking funny and cute i can’t. also i keep thinking how ed taught her some of these things ahahha. and the nod to p!atd with “don’t threaten me with a good time” is so amazing. her reference to rugby? i’m taking all this luck by taylor and sending it to the all blacks thanks 

fav lyric: doesn't have to be louis v up on bond street just wanna be with you

soon you’ll get better: i already knew what this song was going to be about, but that didn’t stop my heart from literally shattering into a million pieces. andrea is so important to each of us, i cherish the day i met her and held her hand like no other, just imagine what she means to taylor. she was there when taylor had no one, when she felt so alone. andrea is so special, and it is just so fucking unfair that she needs to go through this. i hope, pray, anything that andrea can get better soon, make a full recovery. and i hope her entire family is okay. they’re all so loved, so incredibly loved. but, cancer, i just wish i knew how to beat it and can take all this pain away. i can’t even listen to it a second time right now because i’m too much of a wreck. that’s how much it hurts. i love taylor for sharing this with us. i love that taylor loves us enough to share this with us. 

fav lyric: but who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do if there is no you? / i’ll paint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky, i know i’ll never get it, there’s not a day i don’t try 

false god: this is one of my favourite songs. it’s so perfectly simple. it’s exactly what this album needs. the religious references throughout this album is incredible, and the idea that their love itself is a greater force is so beautiful and incredible. it’s knowing that even though their love isn’t perfect, it’s what they choose. 

fav lyric: and i can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town. i'm new york city. i'd still do it for you, babe / and you can't talk to me when I'm like this, daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you. you’re the west village. you still do it for me, babe 

you need to calm down: this beat cannot get unstuck from my head once it’s in there. and the music video is one of my favourites of all time, the amount of gay power? legendary. it’s not just about the lgbtq+ community though, it’s about everyone and acceptance and not caring about the shitty views around us, because they’re wrong and they don’t matter. it’s so wonderfully patronising to the ignorant people in the world and i love it. 

fav lyric: you would rather be in the dark ages making that sign, must’ve taken all night 

afterglow: i love this song, and i love how this is at the latter part of the album. it’s fighting knowing they’re the one for you, after knowing they’re your lover and paper rings. it’s taking responsibility for when you fuck up because you can’t stop your mind from spiralling. you can hear the anxiety in the lyrics and the pain knowing you’re hurting someone you love, but you can also hear the surety in the song that they’ll be okay, and that’s so fucking beautiful. 

fav lyric: why’d i have to break what i love so much?

ME!: taylor + panic i’m- they’re two of my favourite artists. this song by itself isn’t my favourite, but in the album, it suddenly all makes sense. this song is actually so catchy and uplifting and makes me smile. and it’s so weird listening to it without the “hey kids! spelling is fun!” ahhaha 

fav lyric: babydoll when it comes to a lover, i promise that you’ll never find another like me 

it’s nice to have a friend: this is so fucking cute i can’t even. i live for the simplicity of this. it’s just everything to me. the instrumental in the middle, the church bell sounds in the back, everything has changed mv vibes. mary’s song vibes. it’s so incredibly unique and special i love it. 

fav lyric: light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew. 20 questions, we tell the truth

daylight: i’m so fucking proud of her. another song i sobbed my way through. she managed to write 3 years of experiences into less than 5 minutes. the references to red? she knew exactly how that will cut us, and how she once had this idealised, dramatic version of love. when she finally found the real deal, she realised it’s just golden. it’s light and different to anything she could’ve ever even imagined. it reminds me that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, even if i can’t always believe it. even though the darkness felt like 20 years for her, now she only sees daylight. not because things are perfect, but things are better. i can’t imagine a more perfect way for the album to end. 

fav lyric: i’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye / you are what you love / i once believed love would be burning red but it’s golden 

i can’t say whether lover is my favourite album yet, but it’s a special album that’s for sure. every song belongs there, and it tells a story unlike any she’s told before. there’s every spectrum of love on here, and everything just feels so real and personal; because she’s finally found the love she’s been writing about her whole life.  

[doctorsorders-deathboy]

Of All the Nights

lmfao i guess i’m back from the dead bitches. (this wip has existed for so long. i could not tell you why i decided to finally finish it tonight but AAA im so excited to be posting a fic again omg) amusingly, my last fic also involved late night baking. i hope you enjoy!!

Word Count: 1941

Read on ao3

It was 3:07am on the third of January and Nico di Angelo was dressed in nothing but a too-small fuchsia bathrobe, soaking wet, and about ready to commit bloody murder.

It was very possible, he thought, that the bathrobe contributed to his fury.

This was the kind of disaster that he’d recount to Jason later, with countless creative swears thrown in, though as he stood shivering and fuming outside a stranger’s apartment, it occurred to him that this might be one of those stories that would get more laughs from Jason than shared anger. Asshole.

Speaking of assholes, the door finally opened, revealing a very flustered looking blond man around Nico’s age. For a moment, Nico almost backed off on his prepared rant upon seeing how miserable the blond looked, but when another draft of winter air hit Nico’s still dripping legs, his scowl only deepened.

“What the hell were you doing baking at fucking three in the morning?”

The blond blinked once, twice, three times. He opened his mouth, closed it, and Nico was about ready to break his damn nose when he finally said, “Sorry… Do I know you?”

Nico had never had height to his advantage but hell if he didn’t know how to make himself intimidating. The blond shrunk back as Nico reared himself up to hiss, “Luckily, I was able to make it through 21 years of my life without meeting you before you had to go and nearly set the damn building on fire because of your insomniac cooking. Do you have any idea what kind of night you’ve caused for me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should save your incompetence for the waking hours when most people will be out at work anyways? Honestly, what kind of bullshit did you pull to make the fucking fire alarms go off? Did you pull this shit on purpose? Is this some kind of a joke to you?”

The man took much too long to answer again and Nico was collecting every bit of self control he had to keep himself from wringing this jackass’s neck when the response finally came. “Why are you wet?”

Nico must have reared up spectacularly that time because the man quickly amended, “I mean―! I’m sorry, that’s not the point here, um…” He peeked out of his apartment and looked around the deserted hallway. “If you want to yell at me, can you do it in here? I don’t want to wake anyone else up.”

“Like hell, you care,” Nico grumbled but willingly stepped into the man’s apartment. In hindsight, this really wasn’t Nico’s wisest move considering this guy was a stranger and Nico was nearly naked, but the blond seemed about as threatening as a frightened mouse. A tall, blue-eyed, frightened mouse who somehow had a tan in the dead of winter.

“Sorry, who are you again?” the blond asked, closing the door behind a fuming Nico.

“Your pissed off neighbor from two floors up,” Nico snapped. Unfortunately, the blond visibly cringed, looking like a kicked puppy, so Nico muttered, “Nico. Di Angelo,” as a reconcilement.

“Will Solace,” the blond introduced himself in return. He held his hand out to shake but quickly drew it back when it was clear that Nico’s arms were not moving from where they were crossed against his chest.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until Nico repeated, “How the hell did you set off the fucking alarm?” in as dangerous a voice as he could manage.

“I, well…”

Nico shot another fierce glare and Will didn’t waste anymore time in getting to the point.

“I was making pizzelles for my sister’s birthday and the iron must’ve broken because it was making a lot of smoke. It set off the fire alarm which went off throughout the whole building and… yeah. It was a mess. I’m really sorry. I feel awful.”

Nico didn’t doubt Will’s sincerity. The poor man was hunched in on himself with bags under his hands and his hands firmly stuck in his pockets. That didn’t make his story any less ridiculous, though.

“I’m sorry,” Nico said without a hint of remorse, “I think I missed something. Why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning?”

Will frowned at him. “You curse a lot,” he muttered.

“Why the fuck were you―”

“I was working until 1am!” Will exclaimed, which was the first indignant comment he’d made. “And I have classes at ten in the morning, but I promised to meet my friend for coffee at eight so I figured I’d just power through and bake when I got home but―” His voice broke off.

Nico’s cheeks tinted with embarrassment upon seeing Will’s face crumple a bit. God, please don’t cry. Nico hadn’t ever been very good at comforting crying people.

“Sorry,” Will said, his voice hoarse. “I should probably… I’m just going to clean up and go to bed. No more smoke. I promise.” He attempted a laugh to lighten the mood but it came out strangled and pitiful.

Nico was about ready to leave Will to mope when he spotted a picture hanging on the wall across the room. Will stood in the center, looking much happier than he did standing in front of Nico. The Will in the picture had a smile that made you want to smile back and had each arm thrown around a friend, pulling them close. He looked jubilant; the kind of person who you felt certain you could approach without fear. It was a painful contrast to the melancholy man Nico had met.

It felt very wrong to Nico that someone so happy could look so broken.

“What about your sister’s pizzelles?” Nico asked quietly.

Will shrugged. “I’ll have to buy her something on my way over tomorrow. Hopefully she won’t mind. I just feel bad, I promised I’d bake for her. Those pizzelles are her favorite.”

Nico considered this for a moment before internally rolling his eyes at himself. “Then we’d better make some pizzelles, shouldn’t we?”

~*~

“You still never explained to me why you showed up at my apartment soaked and nearly naked,” Will said conversationally, as he stood washing the dishes while Nico carefully arranged pizzelles in a tin.

Nico cleared his throat. “That’s a conversation starter I haven’t heard before.”

“Seriously,” Will said, grinning. “Were you swimming?”

“Why would I be swimming in the dead of night?”

Will shrugged. “I dunno, that’s why I was asking.”

“I wasn’t swimming.” Nico put the lid on the tin and turned around, pulling his fuchsia bathrobe tighter around himself.

Will turned towards him, too, eyebrows still raised.

Nico exhaled very slowly before admitting, “I was taking a shower.”

Will blinked. “At… three in the morning?” When Nico’s expression darkened, he added quickly, “Not that I’m judging! Obviously. I’ve taken many middle-of-the-night showers. I just… So, are you a med student, too, or what?”

Nico scuffed his shoe across the floor and grumbled, “No.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“So…”

“I had a dream,” Nico blurted, probably due to a combination of his lack of sleep and the way Will’s eyes had this kind, dreamy quality to them that made you feel like you could tell him anything.

Will’s eyebrows furrowed. “You showered because you had a dream?” His eyebrows shot upward. “Oh.”

“Not like that!” Nico said quickly, heat rushing to his face. “No, oh my god, no, that’s not…” And then he was laughing harder than he had in a long time and Will was laughing with him and he hardly felt embarrassed anymore. “No, it was a nightmare, not…” Nico tried to catch his breath. “Not that.”

Will tsked. “That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

“So the shower was, what, to calm you down?”

Nico shifted, his mind flashing back to the dark, blurred images of a few hours ago. Bianca’s smile melting off her face, his mother screaming for him, a packed, dark room where people were crying and disappearing one by one, and he was next, he was next―

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Basically.”

When he’d woken up, he’d had to spend what felt like eternity reminding himself how to breathe again. He’d been having more nightmares recently, ones so bad that he almost considered Jason’s advice to start seeing a therapist. I mean, shit, he knew college wasn’t doing much for him in the mental health department but things hadn’t been this bad since he was thirteen.

He tried different things each night to get himself back to sleep―whatever it took. One night he didn’t manage to properly get back to sleep afterwards; he just lay in his bed with the lights on and music playing, counting the beats of his heart as he dozed on and off. That night, after waking up, he couldn’t stand his own skin, couldn’t stand being trapped in his body any longer, couldn’t stand the way he could still feel cold, dead hands from the dream clutching him―

So he’d gotten in the fucking shower and made the water as hot as he could stand and then the goddamn fire alarm went off. Jesus Christ, of all the fucking nights.

“Must have been a pretty bad dream,” Will murmured.

Nico shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah. I was… Sorry for being so harsh on you earlier. I was still kind of shaken up, I guess. I probably wouldn’t have marched to your apartment for a stupid mistake on a normal night.”

Will grinned. “Probably?”

“Maybe.”

Will laughed. “Oh, here!” He handed a small tin to Nico. “You helped make em, you should get some for yourself.”

Nico opened it to see that it was crammed full of pizzelles. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. I love the bathrobe, by the way―I never said.”

“Oh god.” Nico groaned. “It’s not mine.”

“Your girlfriend’s?”

And then Nico was laughing again. Christ, that was twice in one night. Something must be wrong with him. “Yeah, no. It’s my sister’s.”

“Ah. Well, for the record, my next guess was that it was your boyfriend’s. I don’t mean to assume anything.”

Nico sucked his teeth. “I don’t have one of those, I’m afraid.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

Will smiled softly to himself and Nico noticed that he had a dimple on one side of his face. God. Nico really wished he smiled more.

“Well, thanks so much for the baking help. You really didn’t have to,” Will said as they walked towards the door.

Nico waved him off. “I’m the one who came to your apartment in an angry rage. I needed to make it up to you somehow.”

“Do you frequently get in angry rages?”

“Yes, but mostly just for the aesthetic. Usually I’m too tired to be properly angry.”

Will laughed.

“I’ll return the tin to you, by the way,” Nico added.

“Will you be showing up at my apartment nearly naked again?”

Nico flushed and laughed nervously. “No, I promise I will be fully clothed.”

Will hummed disappointedly. “Well, I suppose I can’t have everything,” he murmured. He smiled then, full and warm, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, and yes, Nico definitely wanted to see that smile more. “Goodnight, Nico,” he said cheerfully.

The door shut before Nico could figure out a way to respond. He stood there staring at it for a solid thirty seconds before turning and heading back to his apartment. When he got back, he decided, he’d put the pizzelles in a different container. He wanted to return the tin to Will Solace as soon as he could get away with.

[lovemesomesurveys]

How do you feel about Motorhead? I’m not familiar with it/them.

What words or phrases do you tend to overuse the most? “you dirty little liar” the way Janice from Mean Girls says it lol. “Niiice.” “Wowww.” Apparently drawn out words. There’s others, but those are what come to mind at the moment.

Do you celebrate/believe in Valentine’s Day? My mom is cute and gets my brother and I some candy and a stuffed animal, but other than that it’s just another day.

Is there someone on your mind at the moment? :] No.

If you’re a tea person, what types/flavors do you like? I like peppermint and Chamomile. I rarely drink tea, though.

What makes you squeal like a school girl? I haven’t done that in awhile.

Do you tend to hide your feelings from others, or are you more open? I’ve very open on here as ya’ll know, but in person I keep to myself more with a lot of things. I’ll share a little, but I don’t like really getting into it. I also downplay a lot.

Does anyone call you baby? :3 No.

Is there anything in particular that you’re shy about? Yeah.

Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? Silver.

What flavor combinations sound most appealing to you? Chick-Fil-A chicken strips and their signature sauce. Also ranch and a lot of things.

Are you familiar with the Fail Whale? xD No.

Classic rock love ballads: totally cheesy or totally awesome? >> I like some and I dislike others. Just like in literally any other genre of music. <–Yeah. <<<< Same.

If I were to offer you some tacos right now, how many would you want? I mean I just ate and it’s almost 1AM, so I wouldn’t really want any at the moment, but for lunch I’d take two.

Are you more kinky or conservative? ;D More conservative.

Aren’t white contacts awesome? :D No, they’re creepy.

Is there someone/something you’re trying to avoid right now? I’ve been kinda avoiding everyone apart from my immediate family.

Do you own any wall sconces? No.

Isn’t it just adorable when the opposite sex gets all embarrassed? :3 I mean, if it’s not something really serious and traumatic for them then it can be.

Do you tend to follow your head or your heart more? It really depends, but probably moreso my heart. I’m a logical thinker, but my emotions definitely get the best of me and take control.

How do you feel about David Bowie? I don’t feel any particular way.

When was the last time you had an embarrassing song stuck in your head? I’m not embarrassed by music.

Do you have feelings for someone right now? Not romantic ones.

What color is your pillowcase? It’s black and red plaid.

Pigtails on girls: cute or suggestive? Wtf.

Aren’t women who get lots of plastic surgery positively vomitous? Clearly you think so.

Who was the last person to make your heart race? Not sure about person, but other things have in a bad way.

Without using a search engine, name a song by Slayer. I don’t know of any.

Isn’t pyrotelekinesis AWESOME?! o.e No.

What does your shampoo smell like? Not really sure how to describe the smell, but it’s a salon style shampoo.

Are you familiar with the band Rage? Unless that is short for Rage Against the Machine, no. <<< Same.

Chivalry is NOT dead: agree or disagree? Agree.

What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever pulled a muscle? Felt like I really didn’t do anything.

Would you consider yourself rebellious? Ha, no.

What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) The cross.

Make a confession here: I’m tired.

What methods are most effective for you when you’re trying to relax? ASMR.

Aren’t those loud, obnoxious ‘party girls’ annoying as fuck? .___. I see that you think so.

Are you any good at making the infamous puppy face? No.

Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? I’d want to have things in common, but differences are good, too. You can learn new things. I definitely wouldn’t want to date someone exactly like me... yikes.

Do you have any 'irrational’ fears? Plenty.

Do you eat the required amount of fruits and veggies each day? Nope. A previous survey I just did asked this, too. Stop hassling me!

Are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent? xD

What documentary topics interest you most? Various ones.

What do you get complimented on most often? When my hair has been recently dyed and styled I get complimented on it.

Is there currently someone you want to get closer to? No.

Do you take any medications that make you nauseous? My pain med does if I don’t eat with it.

Can you chop an onion without crying? I’ve never chopped an onion, actually.

Do you ever make up your own words? :] It happens.

Do you tend to use excessive amounts of emoticons? x] No.

Do you have any nicknames that are actually true about you? Well, Steph is short for Stephanie and calling me “sis” makes sense since I am a sister. Those are the only nicknames I have.

How long before you’re able to 'get used to someone’? I don’t know? Some people you just connect and vibe with more and it can happen quickly with some people.

Chocolate-covered strawberries or chocolate-covered cherries? Strawberries.

How many videos do you have favorited on your YouTube account? Not sure.

Do you like making homemade nachos? :3 I used to.

When did you have your last 'facepalm’ moment? Quite often.

Has a boyfriend or girlfriend ever nicknamed your, erm, 'privates’? xD Uh, no.

Do you know anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome? I have an uncle who does and had to have surgery.

Who would you love to punch in the face right now? Me.

Who would you love to hug right now? No one at the moment.

Are you old enough to vote? Yes.

Is it just me, or is the hot dog-eating process reallyyy awkward? o.o Not awkward, just gross. Any eating contest is.

What’s the perfect day for you like, weather-wise? Fall weather.

Do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex? Short.

When was the last time you did laundry? It was done last week.

Are you confused about anything at the moment? Yes.

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? “Wall sconces” were brought up in a survey I did and I didn’t know what those were.

How often do you worry about what other people think? More than I should, but not as much as I used to. I lost the motivation and energy to care. Or to do anything about it, rather.

Everything tastes better covered in cheese: fact or fiction? Cheese is pretty great.

[behindblueeyes54]

Raising two toddlers & managing your marriage after your parent decides that it's their time to die.

It doesn't seem fair, for anyone but God that is, to make the decision when it's your time to live or die. I sit here almost four months to the anniversary of the call from my Momma telling me my Daddy hadn't made it home from work yet. I knew immediately when she said those words. I felt it in every inch of my body as I sank into the chair I was sitting in that he was gone. Gone from our world forever, that I would never see my Dad ever again. I looked at my husband Eric and I said to him "he's dead, I know it". He answered back with that he was okay and that if he was going to have do something to himself he would have already done it. We continued to go back and forth for a moment and I explained to him that I disagreed. That death wasn't an easy decision, it was something people thought about for days, weeks, months or even years. I knew the suffering my Dad had been going through. My family and I had been trying to help him through his depression for the past several months and this time wasn't like any other time we had ever seen my Dad go through. My Dad suffered from Bipolar disorder, highs and lows with severe depression. This low was different. His physical appearance had changed, he talked differently, he even walked like an older man. Everyone that knew my Dad knew him as this incredibly brave, hardworking, nice guy. All the things that I just said couldn't be more true. The things that everyone didn't know or should I say "who" they didn't know, was the man who suffered from severe depression/ bi polar disorder, multiple suicide attempts and behind those beautiful baby blues a lot of pain. I start driving myself crazy trying to defend this disease that my dad suffered from, this disease that not everyone understands or has compassion for. I think to myself, for all these people know, "my father was some drug addict or Alcoholic" who decided to drive off and end his life. Even if he was that person, it would have been his story and his ending, but it wasn't. On May 24th, my Dad woke up early, took a shower, put on his best, gave my Momma a kiss and hurried his way off to work and seemed better that morning. Unaware as my Momma sat and drank her coffee on the front porch, watching my Dad drive away for the very last time, he drove about 6 miles down the road, pulled into a wooded area and soberly decided he was ready to die. All because of a disease that he had been fighting since he was 23 years old. He was tired and he wanted peace. My Daddy was found around 1am the next morning. I'll never forget the drive to my Momma's after I got the call that I needed to come over because they had news of where they had located his cell phone. I knew what I was driving to my Mom's to hear. I had been up all night, I felt like I could barely see the road. I had to roll every window down in my car, I couldn't breathe. I pulled into the driveway and as soon as my feet hit the pavement as I opened my car door I could hear screams coming from inside the house. The details of your Daddy's death from an officer and a coroner standing in your mother's kitchen don't seem real. I fell to my knees. I laid in my Momma's and Megan's arms and probably threw up more then I have from any stomach virus that I have ever had. It was the worst night of my entire of life. It wasn't like any hurt I could've ever imagine and I felt no sense of peace and haven't since that night. "He seemed better this morning". " Is this really happening?" "Is this real?" "We are dreaming." These are just some of the things we would say all throughout the days we went without sleep from that moment we all laid there in that kitchen floor together. We couldn't even plan his funeral because we were too upset to even begin to think of making arrangements to have him buried. All we could do was just sit together and say "this isn't real." But it was. My Dad chose for it to be that way. We didn't get to say goodbye, to prepare or even get to tell ourselves it was his time because in reality, it wasn't. The last text I sent to my dad just two days before he died..."You are a wonderful person. You made me and are a big part of who I am today. I love you and I will do anything and everything to help you get through this and feel better. There is a path to better days! I promise. I'm praying every day for you and I know that things are going to get better because I know the man you are and you are strong!!! I love you so much, daddy." We later found a book where he wrote prayers asking god for help. Help to overcome his depression. My Daddy was a true believer and I know that all he wanted was peace. I really hope that he has found his peace. For us here, we are left with so much heartache. My Momma has lost her soulmate and best friend, her whole world has been turned upside down. We have lost a father who we loved and depended on. His Mom and Dad have lost a son who they adored. Our babies have lost their Papa. I'm not angry with my Daddy because I know that he was sick. I know that had my dad been well, he would have never put us in this situation. I don't agree with what my Dad did, that's why I want to fight so hard to raise awareness to suicide and make people aware that Mental Illness is a REAL disease. It isn't just an act someone does for attention or some made up disease. It's as real as diabetes, cancer, lupus, or any other disease. I name those diseases because I have people in my family fighting those specifically or have died from them. Just because you can't physically see Mental illness like you can most of the ones I named above, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. People are just really good at hiding it, like my daddy. I asked my Momma the other day "How could something like this happen to our family?" We have already been through so much and now this." Lately I've starting questioning everything, about God and why didn't he save my Dad when he asked and prayed for help? I've even wondered if I was being punished. My momma and I continued to talk about how we felt like we had tried to live and be good people and we just didn't understand. I am a stay at home mom and I'm raising a 19 month old boy and almost 3 year old girl, with a husband who travels a few days through the week. I used to think life was hard, but now trying to be a happy mom while I'm mourning my Dad's suicide feels like I've entered an obstacle course every morning. I'm hiding in corners, or the laundry from my daughter trying not to let her see me cry because she's started to brush my hair to the side and say "Mommy's sad." I don't want her to remember me that way. It's not fair to her. I find myself some nights sitting at the dinner table, the kids , Eric and I. We will be laughing hysterically at the kids and I feel it...that brief moment when peace slowly creeps in and I feel happy. I have forgotten about all the bad and I'm totally in that moment with my family and I'm happy. Then it happens...I remember, My Daddy's dead and I'm sitting here laughing. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and my eyes will fill up with tears and I have to get up from the dinner table because I don't want to ruin the moment. I've lost my joy and I know that Eric see's it. I feel guilty for being so sad. I feel guilty when I'm happy. Guilt is a word I've become very familiar with. I know you all must think I'm a horrible Mom, wife, person. That I should be counting my blessings, focusing on the good. The truth is I'm stuck. I'm still stuck in that same moment I was in 4 months ago, sitting on floor of my momma and daddy's kitchen. I see my Daddy driving, I see him pull over, walk into the woods, and I see him die. I hurt for him. I hurt for my Momma and worry so much about what the future holds for her. People keep telling us that time will help, it will heal us! But time has actually been harder on us. In two months it will be half a year that my Daddy died and even writing that seems unfathomable. Sometimes I pray at night that I will wake up the next morning and I will be in the hospital and I will have woken up from being badly sick and I have dreamed all of this. It's not a dream though, it's real. It's real every time I drive home and I pass by where he is buried and my stomach twist and turns until I feel sick. How can my Dad's body really be there? Why isn't he at home with my mom? Why did he leave us? I wish that I had some kind of wonderful scripture or words of wisdom for this kind of situation, but I don't. I know that loosing a loved one, any loved one is devastating. No loss is easy. Loosing someone who chose to leave you, who chose to die; leaves a different type of devastation behind. A kind that cannot all be explained in a blog. I miss my Daddy and when he died it impacted our family so horribly. His pain is now ours. We are not the only family right now going through this exact situation. There are families loosing their young children from depression, their moms, dads, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins. I've had so many people reach out to me all over the world with their stories and it's heartbreaking. People may judge me for being too open or too vocal, but hiding the truth about real life situations isn't something I'm okay with anymore. Suicide is claiming lives everyday! Some statistics for you. Suicide claims more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined. Currently, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. A person dies by suicide about every 11.9 minutes in the United States. Every day, approximately 121 Americans take their own life. Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death. A lot of these people are just kids. I feel that I owe it to my Daddy and others out there, that might not even be aware of what's going on with them, to share the effects that suicide has on a family. That there is help, there is a solution other then DECIDING to die. DECIDE to live.

[insomniac-arrest]

1, bubbline!!

“Hello, your grandma passed away and left you this mirror. It happens to be a sort of inter-dimensional portal and I’m on the other side”

Five Times I Almost Broke a Mirror and One Time I Kissed a Girl

Soulmate/supernatural AU

Ao3

One

Bonnie spent three days writing ‘Thank You for your condolences’ letters on tasteful stationary and the fourth day she sat in her room and tried to mix the perfect color of gray. A true gray.

None of it really worked, and the funeral on the fifth day was more automated than cathartic. She kept snapping at herself in her head ‘feel something.’

Broken was the wrong word for it, machines broke, vases broke, furniture broke-and people weren’t any of those things.

Nonetheless, she felt like a puzzle piece in a sea of right angles and ended standing in the October chill looking at the hole in the ground long after everyone else had left. Feel something.

Bonnie went home, spent a week angrily not leaving the house and letting her hair get greasy.

On the seventh day, the movers brought her the things from her grandma’s will and she finally cried like a baby in a pile of wool blankets.

The old cabinet sat in the middle of her living room, antique knives scattered on her counters and in her room stood a full-length mirror.

It had little clawed feet and a plain metal frame with a swirl at the top, the metal was going green in the center and it smelled almost like ozone.

She gave herself one cursory look at it and then left it standing malapropos in front of her bed, it started that night.

She didn’t know why it started in the shower, she hadn’t washed in awhile, she hadn’t cried in a while. She got conditioner in her eyes and started sobbing in frustration and cursing into the open air, then wandered back to her room and threw herself on her bed.

The sobs could capsize a boat and ended up rubbing her face raw with her hands, “Goddamit.”

She’s shaking when she hears the first alarm, “Whoa.” A voice says with a hint of surprise, “You okay there?”

Bonnie’s eyes got huge and she turns quickly toward the noise, trying to remember where she stored her last swan-taser.

She looks wildly around at the door, window, and only pauses to focus on the mirror momentarily, and then does a double take. There was a tall girl in it with a wild mess of dark hair and tinted skin. Ash-gray.

Bonnie’s mouth hung open, the girl looked her up and down and then around the room, “Nice digs.”

"What-"

"Hmm," A noise, a noise from the mirror resounded and the girl looked away, "I'll back."

She was gone before she was there and Bonnie’s entire brain went bunk, as fizzy as a soda and twice as shook.

This couldn’t be normal.

Two

Alright, Bonnie concluded that the stress from the week combined with the conditioner in her eyes made her hallucinate. Which was too bad, honestly, but it did inspire her to go back to work.

No more creepy visions for her, just a lab coat and a nice distraction.

The week went by fairly quickly, her work was normal, oddly normal, the world didn’t stop with one good cry and another hole in the ground. She sort of wished it did.

It was only that Saturday that Peppermint bullied her into going out, doing something ‘good for her.’ She sighed and finally decided to go on the alleged ‘date’ that hey, maybe she’d like.

She was pretty certain she’d leave half-way through.

She agrees to go on the date much to her chagrin, to get out the house, and fight her 'funk.' She ends up deciding to get ready 15 minutes before she has to leave, picking the crumbs off her shirt and hair and finding her glasses at the last minute.

She grumbles and can’t figure out what outfit said ‘I am not a jerk, but I’m not really trying here.’ She’s looking at her sneakers or sandals when her reflection wavered.

“I liked the pink shirt better.”

Bonnie’s eyes went wide and she froze, standing up very slowly, meticulously, after a moment. Her eyes focused on the mirror and forced her face to remain blank.

A girl in a white tank top and pair of sweats was staring back at her, this time with her long track of hair tied up.

“Sup.”

Bonnie cleared her throat and nodded, “Hi.”

"How's it going?"

Bonnie studied her, "This is rather new."

Marceline gave a half-smile, “You get used to it, promise. Actually, you’re reacting pretty well.” She says lightly and ate a chip from off screen.

Bonnie leaned forward, “Well, as a reflection of my subconscious I was ready for the repressed grief to manifest in some way. Maybe not in this way.” She said reasonably.

Marceline snorted, “There it is.” She popped another chip in her mouth, “Nah. I’m 100% real, didn’t your Nana leave you a note? Anyway, your phone is ringing.”

Bonnie frowned and studied her, “I didn’t expect my subconscious to be an attractive girl, but maybe that is more fitting then I think. I’ll have to read up on it.”

She rolled her eyes, “Right.” She leaned toward the mirror, “My name is Marceline.”

Bonnie’s phone was ringing like a charged beehive and the image was fading, “Wait,” Bonnie’s mind was buzzing, “You can’t, tell me-” She was gone and Bonnie was forcing herself not to entertain the idea. This would just have to go away with time. Maybe a doctors visit.

She grabs her jacket and walks out the door anyway. She does end up walking out of her date half way through.

Three

Bonnie put a sheet over the mirror, one, because it was giving her the creeps, and two, because she had to stop thinking about it.

It was taking up a little too much brain space.

She started a journal about what she had seen despite herself: green air, small kitchen, chips (like ours)…Long legs, thin lips, nice boots.

It was a place to start. But also, she had to stop.

She manages another half a week before she jumps out of bed at 1am, wide awake and slightly vibrating, she yanked the sheet off the mirror.

She gets out a screwdriver, an EMF she got as a joke for her birthday and put her lab goggles on. 'It won't hurt to look' she tells herself

She tinkers, tests and taps on it for good part of an hour, it remains a reflection of her dark bedroom.

“Hey,” Bonnie jumps when she hears the voice an hour in.

Bonnie glances to the front of the mirror, “Hello again…" They stare at each other, "My name is Bonnie.”

She presses more powder to the back of the mirror to look if it chemically reacted, Marceline chuckled, “I know. You’re grandma talked about you.”

Bonnie furrowed her brow and kept glancing at the EMF, it’s little ticker was at least going off. “What did she say?” She finally asks, fairly curious.

“Do you really want to know?” Marceline says with a humor to her tone.

Bonnie snorts, “Pfft, she liked me. I’m not worried.”

“Do you still think I’m a figment of your head-jams?” Marceline sound far away, maybe she walking somewhere.

Bonnie took a little while to respond, “Yes. But.. I’m exploring other possibilities.” She finally admitted.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Marceline was back closer to the mirror and sounded like she was chewing something.

“Okay, tell me what you know about me.” Bonnie put a putty around the back of the mirror, seeing if it foamed or even exploded.

“You’re favorite color is pink.”

Bonnie laughed, “You got me there.”

“You love science more than people.”

“Okay, maybe.” She tries to defend.

“You dye your hair just cause, and it makes people look twice.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes, “Pretty basic."

Marceline cleared her throat, “You kissed a girl in the third grade and ran home crying because you couldn't figure it out, eventually you made her a valentine but it got creased on the edges and you threw it out. You keep stuff like that in a box under your bed.”

Bonnie was very silent after that, “What the hell.” She whispered and watched the putty remain a very pale gray color, Bonnie glanced to the front of the mirror where Marceline was reclining in a chair, “What the hell.”

“Granny had some good stories.” Marceline was finishing a sandwich. “Also, there’s a box under your bed.”

Bonnie blushed and sat crossed legged in front of her mirror, “Okay. My turn.”

Marceline raised an eyebrow, “Wait, what you know about me?”

Bonnie shook her head, “No, not that, I have a few questions.” She took out a fuzzy notebook and Marceline looked bemused.

“Shoot.”

“Why is your air green-tinted? Are you on earth?”

Marceline slumped down in her chair further, “Boring. Look, I live on your earth but me and your Nana figured it’s like, not your earth.” She looks up at the ceiling, “A different one?”

“Uh-huh,” Bonnie concentrates and writes down ‘alt-D’. “Who’s your president?” She might as well try.

Marceline shrugged, “We don’t really have one right now? The world sort of ended.”

Bonnie’s eyebrows definitely skyrocketed at that, “What?”

“Civilization, ka-blooey.” She itched her nose, “Pretty lame, but I don’t remember much of it.”

“Where are you now?” Marceline played a beat on her knees.

“My house.”

“But it’s the end of the world.” She says blankly.

Marceline gave a small smile, “We still have houses. Just, more goo mutants.”

Bonnie writes down ‘radiation?’ and then looks up again, “Do you….need help?”

Marceline shrugs, “Can I help you? No offense, but I’ve seen you wear that for the last three days.”

Bonnie’s face goes slightly warm despite herself, “I washed it.” A lie.

Marceline laughs and pushes her long hair back. Her ears were pointed.

Bonnie writes that down too. "Tell me about yourself."

They talk until it is very late, or in many ways very early.

She falls asleep against the side of her bed.

—————-

Fourth Time

Bonnie shouldn’t be talking to her alt-dimension demon which could still be a figment of her imagination, plus she has to hide in the side of the room to change. (Marceline insisted she wasn’t looking anyway, but Bonnie still felt the need)

Nevertheless, Bonnie was spending more and more time in her room, letting Peppermint send her curious emails and her coworkers asking each other if maybe she had started drugs or something? She doesn't respond.

She bought a second notebook.

Bonnie was laughing in her pajamas as Marceline did an impression of her uncle with a hangover.

“Der, der, someone turn off the flipping lights! Or I'll flip ya.”

Bonnie wiped her eyes, “I can’t believe you were there for my 13th birthday.”

Marceline taps on the glass, “Hey, the living room was where it was at.”

Bonnie frowns and sits up straight again, “Do you…want me to move you?”

Marceline shook her head, “Nah,” She grins, “When would I ever see you then?”

Bonnie leans on her palm, “Some people have better bedrooms than others. Mine is just simply harder to leave."

She laughs, but it was a little tight and controlled, “Besides…” Marceline was looking up to the ceiling, “Not to be a bummer, but…”

Bonnie leaned forward, “Go ahead.”

Marceline sighs and looks away, “Hey, you know that whole mutant thing?��

Bonnie nods and takes out her notebook while clicking her pen, “I would like to hear more about them.”

“No. Not that, they just, you know, sometimes track people down.”

Bonnie’s eyebrows skyrocket, “Are you okay?”

Marceline looks uncomfortable, “I’ll be fine, but um, full-length mirrors are sort of hard to carry.” She seems sad and Bonnie’s heart drops a little.

“Yeah…?”

Marceline looks down at her hands, “Yeah.”

A long silence stretched between them and Bonnie purses her lip, “Why this?”

“I dunno,” Marceline says quickly, “Stuff just happens and then the have like senses I think-”

“No, I mean,” She looks around quickly, “The whole thing, why us, why now, why…you.” She adjusts herself, “And me.” She cringes at her own phrasing.

“Don’t like it?”

“No.” She says in a hurry, “I just…you have to curious too.”

Marceline’s face looked open, her mouth a little ‘o’. “It’s a magic mirror.” She gives a small smile and jokes, “If you want, I’m sure you can ask me who the fairest in the land is. Pretty sure we’re sworn to tell the truth on that.”

Bonnie snorts, “Magic mirror. Ridiculous.” Her brain tries to go through the options, a rip in space in time, random phenomena.

“No, I’m serious,” Marceline says flatly, “Fairest in the land.” She squirms, “I know all about who it is.”

Bonnie’s mouth falls open, she closes it, Marceline makes eye contact with her and she blushes.

Bonnie starts scribbling, “The universe is random.” She mumbles to herself and Marceline sighs.

“Some people just show up more than others,” Marceline sounded thoughtful, “Just more connected than others, I dunno.”

Bonnie shakes her head and shuts down her book.

“Soul mates,” She taps on the mirror and snorts, “Sure." Their eyes meet and Bonnie hears her morning alarm, "I should go. But tell me if things get too dangerous.”

Marceline nods and Bonnie can’t meet her eye as she leaves.

————

Fifth Time

Bonnie spent far too long in front of the mirror, waiting, listening, a little sick in her gut and trying to figure out how to push something through.

A guidebook, a candy, anything, something.

Maybe she could get her out of there.

Marceline looked as nonchalant as always when she saw her, but Bonnie could tell she was getting ready to leave, that her hands were fidgeting liking dancing spiders and house looking more sparse.

It happened in the middle of the day on a Sunday, Bonnie was taking a nap with her tablet over her face when the yell came out.

“--Bastards!” Bonnie started awake and almost rolled all out of the way out of bed, “I swear, I’ll get the hose out.” That was Marcy.

Bonnie choked and fumbled to the mirror, pressing her hand to it earnestly.

“Marceline?!”

The girl’s gray face appeared like mist in the surface, “Hey B.” There was a dent in her brow and noises like moaning could be heard in the distance, “Looks like this is the last call.”

Bonnie’s eyes dart around, “Wait, wait, I have a machine. Theories.” They weren’t done yet, she curses herself.

Marceline’s face went tight, “I wish I could stay around to test it…” A loud moan wafts in from above Marceline, her face goes pale, “But I gotta, hum, you know.”

Bonnie presses both her hands to the surface and cringes, “Be, be safe.” She had said it.

Marceline steps toward the mirror as well, “I mean, I’ll try.” She taps her forehead to the surface, “Skill and luck and good music taste.”

“Maybe if we...” Her thoughts race, she leaned forward, “If you…push.” She knew it was impossible, feeling the cold surface and whispering to it like tossing a penny-wish down a black hole.

A moan like the inside of a swamp wails at the door, Marceline didn’t look at it, her features pinched.

“Something for luck then?” Her eyes go wide and Marceline shrugs, "I have the skill and good music taste already down."

Bonnie knew it was happening before the rest of her did, she leaned into the mirror and presses her lips to the cool surface.

She closes her eyes and tries to get as much contact as possible.

She swears on her life the next moment she feels the press of skin against skin, something against her desperate mouth: warm with a touch of breath.

The sound of wood splitting fills the air, they both jump back, “Thanks Bonbon,” She turns around, “See you sometime.”

She grins and before Bonnie can do anything she was jumping out the back window, an ax in hand and wild hair trailing after her, Bonnie gasps and reaches forward before weakly sitting down on the ground.

A glowing goo shadow passes over the floor of the cabin in the mirror. Bonnie covers the mirror with a sheet quickly. She wasn’t ready for that.

“See you again…” She sits uselessly in the middle of the bedroom floor. “See you again.”

[acorn-quin]

right now i feel like a billion movie scenes and two thousand memories combined into one moment. even though i hate the lighting thats what sparks it. my bed is next to my windows at 1am and i have one open with the window half open and my cat is in front of me, when i was little i was convinced i wasnt the biological child of my parents and i watched a bunch of orphan movies. they always had this one window/hallway that intrigued me, it was dark, it was detached, and they had one in almost every eerie movie. i have seen a few of these in real life and they always send a chill down my spine but i always know it transitions into something. i want to cry because its so peaceful but i hate that wording. its horrifying because i know i have a ton of things to worry about, especially at one in the morning, but its just so perfectly imperfect. i know if my parents open my door right now they will yell at me for being up so late on a school night, and having my window open while its raining but its easier to do this and think about what few childhood memories my dumb brain can recall than dream a horrific dream. i spent so much time here now my eyes are adjusting to the lights and my ears to the sounds. i wish i had someone here to talk to about this moment but thats part of it, being alone in this spot is what makes this moment. knowing my dumbass ill probably either forget this in the morning or hate myself for how pretentious i sound, but thats a worry for tomorrow.