#i just started actually crying help
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#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#security breach#fnaf 4#michael afton#glamrock freddy#crying child#evan afton#gregory#fnaf au#fazbear frights#into the ballpit au#honestly guys -w- I’m gonna start skipping unnecessary scenes like drawing a comic like this is just not gonna get anywhere in the story#unless I really wanna draw the extra nonsense for fun#like these pancakes? I planned this for months bcmfjfjfjc#also this year will be busier ;w; hopefully so I probably won’t be able to draw as much but ay it’s not like it will be impossible#just gotta get used to a schedule#which honestly might even help me draw more actually pfffft#we’ll see#thanks for your patience 💕
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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just woke up from a baby dream and I'm a sobbing wreck :) anyway Logan Huntzberger doesn't expect much from his future besides monetary success, partying, and a lot lot lot of sex. he definitley doesn't expect to look up one day and realize he's sharing a home, a life with someone. not only that, but he's the one that instigated it. he told you in college he didn't like you being around other guys. he stopped caring about the girls that he would go between, because now he just seems to care about you. everything else falls to the sidelines. so he comes back to his big fancy house after an important business meeting on the golf course, and he sees you there. some old sitcom is marathoning on tv, and you're wrapped up in fluffy blankets, hair up and out of your face. you look so cozy, so comfortable. you keep adjusting the blankets, fussing with them as you hum softly. he walks closer, overcome with a feeling of love and swelling pride and... paternal instinct he's never felt. your son Henry, just a month or two old is bundled on your arms. you look up at Logan and smile so warmly he could cry just from the look on your face when you see him.
"hi," you breathe softly. Henry's settled down, so you don't want to rile him up too much, but he's not all the way asleep.
"hey ace," he breaths, sitting next to you. he wraps you in his arms and kisses you, meeting forgotten as you both admire you baby boy together. you rub his tummy gently, soothingly, and Logan smooths his hair. it's short and fuzzy, and a little prickly. it makes him laugh softly. Henry is wearing the white and blue onesie Honor got for him at the baby shower. he makes a mental note to take some pictures to send her of him wearing it. the soft fabric of his polo shirt and the smell of his cologne mixed with the distinct remnants of golf course air is so comforting. he watches you admire your son, trace the shape of his cute little nose, copy the faces he makes, babble little noises at him. he watches you smooth his hair and help him get comfortable in your arms, watches you place your finger in his hand so he can hold onto it with that surprisingly strong baby death grip. Henry wiggles around, getting comfortable in your arms, and you kiss his forehead again. once you're sure that he's settled, not too warm and not too cold, comfortable and lying safely, you can finally relax. you rest your head on Logan's shoulder, closing your eyes and finally letting yourself relax and rest a little. you take in a big deep breath of his masculine scent, somehow both spicy and refreshing, and sigh. you're content. you're more than content, he realizes. you're happy. Logan... made you happy. he found out what you wanted and built you a life you want, a life he wants. it hits him like a ton of bricks in one overwhelming, amazing moment, and he soaks in the feeling, watching the way your sleeping babys face and yours mirror each other.
#drabbles#logan huntzberger#logan huntzberger x reader#logan huntzberger drabbles#dilf!logan#dilf logan#gilmore girls#gilmore girls x reader#gilmore girls drabbles#domestic bliss#tooth rotting fluff#god help me#henry was his actual name in the dream#i kept waking up in the dream every time he moved or started to fuss#the plot of the rest of the dream was gone once I realized I had a baby#like it was still happening but I didn't care#it hit me so hard#i was like this is real. i actually did it. i have a baby.#his nose and his eyes and his little hands were so real. i could feel him grabbing my hand#i could FEEL the soft felty texture of his onesie#now i'm crying again! hooray!#well either I'll meet the love of my life soon or hunt down some sperm or something cause my baby fever is truely unbearable#i call it baby fever but i think it's just a deep overwhelming desire to be a good parent like how my mom is yk#also i just. want a baby. like... that's allowed#people are allowed to want to have babies#anyway#yeah#i guess i have to distract myself now because i'm gonna be fucked up for the rest of the week! huzzah!#i found pictures on pinterest that look just like him#how do you handle this?????? anyone got any tips for being debilitatingly single and coping with baby dreams???????????
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"I decided it's my break day today, Oh coincidentally, I'm gonna sit here, and watch you work." also it's too cute how Nemo just came run at me whenever i sat on a bench
#my time at sandrock#mtas#mtas unsuur#mtas builder#mtas nemo#fanart#FHSDHdhsds tbh HIS PINNING WAS EXCITING#but after that HE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE ANY OTHER STORIES at ALL to tell during DATE HELP fhasdhdhsd#he is JUST like Sebek I'M CRYINg @sebek stop talking about ur malleus sama guard duty @unsuur stop talking only about the civil corps fshds#i'm dying my heart is faltering from the monotony; but just like the rule of thumb on every fandom; it depends to us to enrich the characte#so now i'm trying to enhance my delusional level & it's working right now when i sat there & watched him work#Maybe I was HASTY because HE WAS the first fish that BIT; andeverygamehasthatcharacterthatissoveryeasytogetbutwithlessdepthinthem#BUT thinking back#HE is REALLY A NICE GUY#WITH A NICE HEART that's just IN THE RIGHT PLACE; and HE IS FUNNY TO BOOT fshdshdj#i actually cried when he talked about what his proudest stack of stones meant to him#because the value in it hits too close to home#and when he said pls tell me if i no longer have a good personality bcs i would like to be the first one to know#AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FACE ON THE LEMON SOUP FSHDHSSFHSDH#I FELL RIGHT THEN RIGHT THERE#I FELL FOR HIM FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS#HE IS TOO CUTE AND SINCERE AND QUIRKY#DID YOU GUYS SEE WHEN HE JUST STRAIGHT WENT TO BED AFTER PAINTING FHSDHSDHSD I CAN'T; I LOST IT RIGHT THERE#everytime he said SET THE MOOD I'M DONE FHSDHSDH i am not sure if i should be glad or not that the music he plays when painting never retur#even when he said he's gonna SET THE MOOD again FHADHS it's way TOO FUNNY I JUST CAN'T
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Would that there was a faithful, accurate adaptation of Dracula so that Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright could discuss the nontoxic masculinity, healthy friendships, and the BEST MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN FICTIONAL HISTORY but nooo!
#every time they're like 'tell us your favorite movie couples in the comments' I'm just like I wish I could Jono I wish I could#*all* of the men openly cry in this novel#and despite the filter through Seward’s narration it is not actually looked down on#Seward makes comments about manhood and what not but clearly does not think any less of Arthur or Van Helsing or Harker for showing emotion#i know everyone on here is all about the poly thing#and idk how serious that is or if its just for fun or whatever#and it's tumblr so to each their own#but personally the platonic love in this book is so beautiful and refreshing!#healthy loving friendships are so rare in media and it's an important part of nontoxic masculinity too tbh#the fact that the suitor squad all love and support each other and do anything to help Lucy without ever getting jealous or entitled#and don't get me started on how wonderful and amazing Jonathan and Mina are bc I will never stop!#i love this book so much#it's 127 years old why is it better at this stuff than most modern media?#and why can't any of the adaptations get it right?#like it's one thing to be disappointing and inaccurate but it objectively dismantles the themes!#dracula#writing#cinema therapy#jonamina#suitor squad#mina harker#jonathan harker
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Station 19 - 6x08
#station19edit#station 19#maya bishop#danielle savre#station 19 6x08#femslash related stuff#carina x maya#marina#love the lock screen <3#and I keep forgetting to mention it but danielle savre did GREAT work in this ep#the crying sure but the body language for maya too#once she closes the door she actually has to settle in how alone she is#and this time she can't call up pretend anger or need to clean#and against the very advice she'd just agreed to she thinks about how to assuage that loneliness#and I know there are people who wished she'd called#but I'm glad she didn't because for right now it would be something better for her and not necessarily carina#like yes carina knowing she's okay and that she's doing better or at least on the path to it would be great#but that's happened before#carina might jump to forgive and help and things just go back to how they were#or perhaps they start off fine but then carina says something that might be taken by maya as pushy or the wrong thing#and then a super exhausted emotional maya might lash out again#unrelated to all this but loved that sweatshirt and her shoulders in it >_>
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Liveblogging from mandatory resume workshop!: I need to be sedated
#I'm so freaking tired dude and I forgot I had to do this today#I've needed to cry for the last hour and a half but not a choice I suppose!#starting to realize that I've stumbled into the freshman dilemma again...are these people really my friends or do I just see them regularly#feel a great disconnect from the class I was most in love with at the beginning of the semester#don't have a relaxing weekend until the after the last day of classes#imposing myself on my acquaintances again because I just assume the world revolves around me#it didn't last weekend? my bad sorry for being annoying about it then. surely it will next weekend though!#___ remains an obligation albeit a fun one (but isn't everything)#& bless my acquaintances' hearts for trying to help me figure out my party planning but I'm not so sure I even want you guys there!#I'm actually getting nervous about this I feel like it could result in a judgmental affair...but only if x y and z are there!#mj has feelings
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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me
#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life#I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever#my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified#and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn#in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc#don’t get me started with math#I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did#(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class#throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe#to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah#like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think#I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late#without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car#anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related#adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of#when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc#depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress#I’m not sure why im making this post#kibumblabs
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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
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with all the shitty shitty doctors in the world im genuinely so grateful for mine
#first doctor to ever take my compulsive disorder seriously. let me explain it to him cause he hadn't heard of it before#and actually started reading up on it to educate himself#helped me start going to therapy all those years ago#puts me on sick leave without question when he sees im mentally unwell#always always takes his time at appointments he listened to me for over an hour today#and gave me water and offered to make me tea when i was crying in his office#he takes me so seriously and tries giving me practical advice while also connecting me to other resources for more help#just. best doctor i dont think he knows what impact he's making on my life 😭😭#k speaks
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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honestly i know it’s gonna be fucking hard but. i think to be able to handle this… i have to watch markiplier’s that dragon cancer playthrough.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[anyone who knows me knows that fiction is how i cope and how i deal with emotions. sharp objects in particular has been super cathartic for#me. but in the video mark talks so much about his dad’s experience. and then at one point starts crying and just… shares the entire thing.#and that’s what i need. i need to feel that markimoo moment. i need to empathize with that one. but i think it’ll actually help.]#cancer /#negativity /
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Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.
#okay so here’s the thing#QB and I have been doing lil activities online lately#which helps him with his stuff he has going on and helps me to not feel fucking lonely all the time#bc i had another hangout friend but I Very Much Screwed That Up Tee-Bee-Aych#so I’ve been late to most hangouts. i constantly have little issues pop up where I’m so sure I’ll piss him off#friday night like an hour into the hangout I went ‘idk how to say this but like i recgonize I’m being quiet and if you want me to talk more#please lemme know’ and he told me that he was having some worries attached to that so we talked things out and it was fine#ITS ALWAYS FINE#AND SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT PUTS ME ON EDGE OR MAKES ME START FUCKING CRYING (off call) WHICH IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT LIKE#LOOK I LOVE THAT HE’S PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. ONLY OTHER PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS THAT LEVEL OF CHILL IS MY ACTUAL PARTNER#BUT I’M SO FUCKING SURE THAT I WILL SCREW IT UP TERRIBLY. LIKE DISASTROUSLY.#SO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? BECAUSE PART OF MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO JUST GHOST EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY#SO THAT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL THE OUTCOME BUT LIKE#I REALLY WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH QB AND WB AND BB AND I’M STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH THIS#like lowkey the thought of screwing up in the same way I always have is literally painful and my chest is killing me I just—#god I fucking hate this shit#can I get the stardew heart ranking system please?? so I know exactly where I stand all the time???#I don’t necessarily trust people to tell me what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late
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i'm not gonna say that getting fatter made my cats love me more but it definitely makes them want to sleep on me all the time and i'm really happy with that
#gaining weight was honestly one of the things that scared me about starting T but turns out it's okay#eating more actually helped a lot with my fatigue#i do have to take more naps now tho because especially apophis will cry until i lay down and let him sleep on me and he is basically#a purring weighted blanket#idk just saying if you're scared of starting hrt because of your weight i promise you it's gonna be okay
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#first time i start off the day crying in bed for an hour again in probably a few weeks now#guess i spoke too soon saying i was doing better OR. or maybe it's bc i met with my psych...and she sent me evil psychic waves to make me#feel more depressed again so she can put me on more meds. <- deranged line of thinking#:> anyway time for breakfast. i must bury these feelings in work again or die trying bc there's no other option.#upd: crying while im out of bed and trying to start my day is going to be a problem#i cant just show up to the function like hi im your prospective dogsitter. pay no mind to how puffy my eyes are#at least it's cold outside :/ that should help. woe water be upon me for now#anyway i have no time to be getting sick over this shit again lmao!! moveon.org#upd2: wow this is. bad#visibly put together enough i think to get thru this meeting with none the wiser but wow this feels exceptionally awful.#so exceptionally nauseously very god awful#actually maybe not visibly out together enough my eyes def still feel puffy. i should have iced them ughhhhhhhhh i hope it's cold enough to#be a cold compress substitute but im out here and well. it could be colder for sure. for sure it could be colder#and should be colder but we're living in the apocalypse so no more cold winters mild summers ever again. smiles.#upd3: mostly normal now
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What is the one thing you would change about TMD3?
ONE THING? 😭 i think ‘put jesse in it’ is the easiest (and most obvious) answer i can give… so i’ll pick something else lmao. there’s quite a few things i would change but i guess i’d wanna get rid of charlie's whole ‘ew i hate rich people’ persona he's got going on that he never had before d3. his whole thing in d1 (and even d2) was that he didn’t care about someone’s upbringing and saw the good in people, which is why he’s my favorite character!!! he was the first to give bombay a (second) chance. he didn't super care about the BOMBAY WAS A HAWK? reveal. he was the first to give adam a (second) chance. i mean, he’s the only duck who has ever called adam by his first name (unless you count connie, who read it off a list) instead of his last name/a nickname that’s connected to his upbringing. and i get it, teenagers are grumpy and hormonal and hate everything. but eh. i'd like to know where charlie’s sudden resentment and judgy personality came from. think there was enough conflict without it
#the mighty ducks#charlie conway#the writers wanted another ducks vs hawks situation and it just fell flat imo#like full offense but d1 & d2 charlie would've never told adam to 'go cry to his rich parents'#i think d3 should've been a tv show to just explore the characters more because no one except charlie got any development#and even his was like .. eh#ACTUALLY another thing i would really wanna change is the whole 'coach orion is actually a good person bc disabled daughter' reveal#i wish charlie had gotten to know orion more himself & without bombay's help...#IDK THERE'S A LOT#not even gonna start on julie's 'storylines'#nope i will not
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